#shaking in my boots as i hit post

[mooodyblue]

any day now | part one.

summary: after a flight back from cali to memphis, elvis finds himself somehow stuck in your apartment in 2022.

warnings: time traveler!elvis, mentions of his death, priscilla doesn't exist, elvis (2022) exists without the cilla scenes (i know! sorry!), mentions of pill usage & insomnia

wc: 3.1k

a/n: please refer to this post before reading (unless you've never read my other don't fly away stories, you should be fine that case!). turning my first ever post on here into a full, chaptered fic. i'm a little nervous, but i hope you all enjoy! i know this is one of my most loved series. i've been working on this for awhile now so i can't tell you how happy i am to finally have this out for all of you to read!!! the first chapter is a little corny, but i assure you it will get better 🙏🏼

fresh off his final performance, sweaty and decked out in black leather. god, he felt good. more than good actually, he felt incredible. he missed this–performing the music he loves and in front of an audience, he wanted to do more. he was elvis presley, he should be making good music and not these silly films his manager had him filming the last few years.

of course, the colonel wasn't too ecstatic about the special. it was supposed to be a christmas special for christs sake. all elvis did was cover one christmas song and call it a day. and in black leather? what was going to be the outcome of all of this? the special would sure fail; it's not what the fans wanted to see. at least that's what he thought, elvis and steve binder would think otherwise. but elvis knows when he's pleased an audience, he had a good feeling about the special and couldn't wait to watch it.

there was a party set in place once filming was done, elvis was still reeling off the energy from performing much earlier. after coming in, greeting everyone with a loud ‘my boy, my boy!’–he’d had a few drinks, chatting it up with a few crew members and constantly thanking steve for his hard work. he only wished his momma were here to see how far he'd come, she'd be so proud of him. it almost made him a little sad. he shook himself out of his thoughts, getting himself another drink before going off to talk to more people.

he was ready to go home, to curl up in his bed and sleep for a few days. he had a couple more movies left to film due to his contract, but not before he gave himself a little time to rest.

he got himself on his plane back to memphis and went up to his bedroom immediately, plopping himself face first on his bed and letting out a small groan. it felt so good to be home. he missed his bed, the coldness of his bedroom.

but something was off.

elvis lifted his head, looking around the room. his room was….not his room. the walls were a plain white with photos he'd never seen before in his life, the bed was slightly smaller and there was a strong smell of….flowers? it was like someone had a candle burning. this wasn't his room at all. he jumped up quickly, “what in the hell….” he muttered. he wandered out of the room, gasping. he was not in graceland. he was in someone else's house. but how did he even get there? he walked around, looking at framed photos and all the different pieces of clutter laying around.

now, looking through other people's mail is a crime. it's illegal, however he needed to know where he was and who this place belonged to cause it sure as hell didn't belong to him. one glance out the window made him dizzy–this was not memphis and it was beyond anything he'd ever seen. for starters, he was in an apartment. maybe the fourth floor. the view was the city, but everything looked so….off. it didn't look right. it was like a different dimension. there was a billboard across the street that changed after a minute, promoting things he'd never even heard of.

he closed the blinds, backing away slowly. “this ain't right…..” he rubbed at his head, trying to figure out what to do. right, the mail. he went to the kitchen, rummaging through everything till he found a letter with an address and name on it. he was in california…again? beverly hills? what the hell was he doing in beverly hills? he just flew back home, how did he end up back in california?

he sat down at the counter, rubbing his temples trying to process everything. elvis was in someone else's home and he was positive he didn't break in. you can't just break into an apartment on the fourth floor, it's impossible. there were no signs of him breaking in anyway, so how did he end up here? maybe it was just a really weird dream. but where was the person who lived here? oh god, were they dead? is that why he's here? is he dead? he couldn't be.

there was a rattle at the front door along with the sound of keys. elvis jumped up quickly, frantically scanning to find a place to hide. you'd see him if he ran to the bedroom, he couldn't fit in any of the cabinets–this was it. he was going to prison. that'll be a fun headline. his career is definitely over. he watched as you wandered into your bedroom, not even giving him a glance. this was his chance to escape.

he quietly snuck his way to the front door, turning the knob slowly.

“what the fuck?”

oh, he was done for. elvis gulped, turning around slowly with a nervous expression on his face. “um….”

you reached for a butter knife lying on the counter, pointing it directly at him. elvis couldn't help but snicker at the idea of you stabbing him with a butter knife of all things. “who are you? why are you laughing? w-why are you dressed like a cheap elvis impersonator?”

“are you tryna murder me or make yourself some to-cheap?! who are you callin’ cheap?” he put his hands on his hips. “look, i-i-i don’t know how i got here. i’m not here to hurt ya and i swear i-i didn't break in.”

you scoffed, “i’m calling the police.” you took your phone out of your pocket, unlocking it and getting ready to dial the number.

“no! no, no, no–please! i-i-i swear-i’ll leave. i just don’t know where to go. i don't know where i am.” he begged.

you looked at him confused, “what's your name?”

he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “elvis. i’m elvis presley.”

looking him up and down, you couldn't help but laugh. you burst out with laughter, clutching over and shook your head. “okay-seriously. what's your name?”

“i’m not being funny! i’m elvis presley!” he defended.

“prove it.”

his jaw went slack, almost looking defeated. he checked his pockets and every part of his body for some form of id–he had nothing on him. there was no way to prove that he was who he said he was. “look i-i don't have anything on me. i came back from filmin’ and then-” you got closer to him, examining his face, staring right at him as you circled him. “what are you doin’?”

“you speak exactly like him.” you got closer to his face, “what year is it?”

“y'know honey, i was about to ask you the same question.” he sneered, backing away from you.

“it's 2022.” you said, crossing your arms.

his eyes widened, backing farther away. “you're lyin’ to me. it's not-what? i-it should be ‘68….” he held his head, leaning into the wall.

none of this felt real to either of you, especially elvis. you googled a photo of him from ‘68, holding the phone close next to his face as a comparison. “holy shit.” you muttered, “you're….you're not an impersonator, there's no way.” and thank god for the people who got incredibly good photos of elvis in the 70s.

“i’ve been tryin’ to tell ya!” he groaned, “god, my head hurts.”

“i’ll get you some water, here.” you helped him to your sofa, fluffing pillows behind his back. he watched you get him a water from the fridge, everything just looked so..different. you handed him the small bottle, taking a seat next to him. “what do you remember? did you hit your head?”

he twisted the cap off, taking a swig then raising a brow at you. he shook his head, “no. not that i know of. i was on my plane back to memphis and i swear i went home and went straight to bed. i’m not dead, am i? or is this a weird dream?”

you didn't know how to answer his question. in a way, he was actually dead. except he's not dead, he's in front of you. it felt like a dream to you too. your eyes scanned his face. elvis just looked lost and confused, nervously fidgeting with the label from the water bottle you gave him. it was such an odd situation–almost something straight out of a movie. he could have showed up anywhere but the universe picked you. there had to be a reason for it.

elvis on the other hand, he had so many questions. many more than you. him being here, that means he didn't exist in this timeline. unless there were two of him, which didn't make much sense to him. “i’m dead, aren't i?”

you shifted awkwardly, clearing your throat. the silence gave elvis the answer he was looking for. “when?”

“‘77.” you answered lowly.

“christ.” he sat back, running a hand through his hair. “how?”

you stood up quickly. “are you hungry?” you chirped, trying to change the topic. “i-i can order something. what are you in the mood for?”

elvis watched you pace around the room, “uh-i mean….”

“oh! you like burgers, let's get you a burger. you'll be amazed at what they do with burgers compared to your time!” you nervously laughed, pulling up a delivery app on your phone. “there's even burgers named after you! they're all pretty much the same-”

“honey-”

“-i’ve had my fair share of elvis inspired meals but honestly-”

elvis pulled you by the arm, causing you to fall back onto the couch. “we don't have to talk about it. a-and i’m sorry for askin’.”

“there's just…so much you don't know.” you mumbled, looking down. he took one of your hands, holding it in his. “you're just getting started in your other life.” his touch was soft, the feeling of him rubbing his thumb on the back of your hand bringing you comfort.

“see, i told them that special would be a hit.” he joked. “look, i don't know what the hell happened. none of this is right at all, maybe i ended up here for a reason. but we'll figure it out, even if it's just for today.”

it's funny in some way, you always wondered what it'd be like to go back in time to meet elvis or see him live–now here he is, somehow traveling to the future. his presence is just as sweet and calming like you imagined, perhaps even more. even if you were to wake up tomorrow with him gone, you’d make his time here worth every second. you had so many questions, so many things to show him, proof that he was still loved after all these years. maybe you were the perfect person to do all of that for him.

you nodded, squeezing his hand. “i just can't believe you're here.”

“crazy how life works out.” he laughed. “now, you said somethin’ about a elvis burger….”

with a laugh, “oh, are you kidding? it's beyond burgers. you've got milkshakes too. hell, there's meals that have nothing to do with you named after you.” you pulled up a few for him to look at.

“you're kiddin’.....” he gasped, “and what's..what this thing you're showin’ it on?”

never in your life did you think you'd be sitting next to elvis presley, explaining what a phone was. how ordering food was just a few taps away and how easy it was to access all sorts of information, even showing him his wikipedia page but quickly avoiding the ‘death section’. you helped him pick out his order along with yours then went onto show elvis photos of himself you had searched for on pinterest. you did your best to filter out photos from the 70s, you knew he'd have questions and you weren't exactly sure if you were ready to have that conversation;not on day one.

“so…this means that lil’ christmas special i just filmed–it's out right? you can just pull it up on that tiny thing?” he asked, pointing at your phone.

you grinned, “even more than just the special. all your movies, concert films, concert footage and documentaries. people have even made movies about you!”

he groaned, “don't tell me you've seen my movies.”

“oh, absolutely. i really enjoyed clambake.”

“don't ever say clambake again.” he said sternly.

before you could respond, there was a ping on your phone and a knock at the door. elvis widened his eyes at you picking up the bags from outside the door, “that fast?” he said, surprised.

you held the bags up proudly and gestured for him to come to the dining table, setting out his food and yours. while eating, he caught up with you about what he was doing before he ended up with you. the things going on in his life and the movies he had planned to film soon, movies you had already seen. elvis was happier when discussing his music and how much he missed performing, he was happy to hear he does manage to get out there and perform in vegas. you just skipped the part where he was overworked and unhappy. seeing him so excited made you feel bad. you dreaded having that conversation with him. as much as you didn't want to admit it, you hoped he'd return to his life before you'd ever have to explain his future.

unless, you could do something to stop it. to make him change his ways. you've read the books, you know what's going on at this point in his life. what about the pills? was he still on those? he doesn't even know about the colonel yet. god, so many things he doesn't know. it's killing you that he doesn't know.

you make a plan. if you wake up and he's still here, you'll tell him everything. you'll answer any questions he might have. you needed to keep him away from a phone and from a computer, which you hadn't introduced him to yet. worst case scenario, you get him a phone but set a child lock so he won't have access to google. he can't learn all of this on his own.

“i really hate to ask this. i’m not one to ask favors, is there anyway i can sleep here tonight? i-if i’m still here tomorrow i-well, you can help me find a hotel room. i-if that's okay with you, of course. i didn't really mean to intrude.” elvis finally asked, almost embarrassed to be asking for any sort of favor. he was normally asked for favors, not the one asking for one.

“you don't even have to ask!” you replied a little too excitedly. the idea of elvis presley sleeping in your apartment was almost a dream come true. “i can lend you some of my ex’s clothes, he should still have some here somewhere….”

“oh, an ex?” he wiggled his eyebrows. “who'd wanna break up with someone as pretty as you?”

you blushed, fiddling with your sleeve. glad to see he didn't lose his flirtatious charms during his trip. “i’ll um…find you something to wear.” you stuttered out as you got up quickly, rushing off to find him something for the night.

elvis let out a small laugh, getting up and wandering around your apartment, taking in all the photos and books you had lying around. he picked up one from the shelf, shocked at the sight of his face on the cover. he read the back and opened the front cover, curious to find out what his future holds.

and thank god you walked in when you did. you ran over to him, snatching the book from his hands and replacing it with clothes. “they're not really your style but i’m sure they'll still fit!”

“i’ll make it work, thanks hon. bathroom?”

you pointed across the hall, giving him thumbs up as he walked away. as soon as there was a click of the bathroom door, you immediately took all the elvis books from your shelf and ran to your room to hide them somewhere. you opted for shoving them all in a box in your closet.

he came back out, looking down at himself. “i don't look awful.” he shrugged.

you turned around, “if you're here tomorrow maybe we can buy you some clothes somehow.”

“what if i’m not here tomorrow?”

you'd be sad. “well–then you're not here.” you replied as confidently as you could. “so, the bed situation…..i can sleep on the couch. you can take my bed.”

elvis rolled his eyes, “why can't we sleep in the same bed?”

you laughed awkwardly, shuffling your feet. “that's-that's not happening. sorry.”

elvis looked back at your room then back at you, a concerned look on his face. it was almost like he was afraid to sleep. but oh, you've read about this. you know what he's worried about.

“i don't have anything for sleep, if that's what you're concerned about.”

he looked at you sadly, “i’ll just….figure it out. it's fine.” he wished you didn't know about that. it made him wonder what else you possibly knew.

“you're welcome to any of the books on my shelf.” you pointed back, “they may not be up your alley but…i know you love reading.”

he nodded, “appreciate it.”

there was an awkward silence between the two of you. standing there uncomfortably, waiting for someone to move or say something. there was no way to say good night. you both knew you may not see each other in the morning but it was obvious neither of you wanted to bring it up. “soo….” you shoved your hands in your pockets, rocking on your feet.

“well, thanks. good night.” elvis finally said, giving you a small smile. you watched as he headed to your bedroom, wondering if that would be the last time you'd ever see him. he turned once more, “thank you for bein' so kind to me. i’ll be prayin’ for you.” he gave you one final nod and shut the door behind you.

you tossed and turned on the couch all night. not because it was uncomfortable, because you couldn't stop staring at your bedroom door. was elvis still behind that door? you wondered if he was able to fall asleep–especially knowing his history with insomnia. he was without his pills and you had nothing laying around the house, he must have been tossing and turning all night too.

regrets were playing through your mind too. there were things you wish you could have said to him, to warn him and maybe show him how loved he still is. maybe he could have changed his ways if he knew it all before he went back. his ‘i’ll be prayin’ for you’ was on a loop in your head the entire time. he was just so kind, even throughout this weird situation he was in.

you weren't much of a spiritual person but for the first time in a long time, you prayed too.

[snailtune]

first art post um Hello tumblr

[aquamarinebling]

references for a pjsk x isat au I’ve been working on, using the wxs kirapipi outfits (+ mizuki, bc how could I forget mizuki?!), wherein rui is the one looping endlessly! yahoo!

bonus: rui fishing :]

[akai-anna]

we read this chapter (159) with my friend today in our oofuri reading session and i'm. just.

why does this feel so gay? why does it look like tajima is Interested TM? (and no, not in a platonic sense) while hanai is looking all clueless?

also: tajima yuuichirou having the emotional intelligence and awareness? (NOT ASKING ABEMIHA LMAO, YOU ARE SO RIGHT TAJIMA) god. yes.

[simpforboys]

surprise!

drew starkey x fem!singer!reader

summary: ever since the reader started blowing up, all the interviews and promotions that would ask her who her celebrity crush is, she always had the same answer. so when Jimmy Fallon invites her on his show, he might have a surprise in store…

warnings: fluff!! second hand embarrassment, reader gushes about Drew, she’s just a fangirl at heart

‘perfume’ by del water gap mentioned <3

part two , part three, part four

2020

“Who’s your celebrity crush?”

“Drew Starkey, he plays Rafe in Outer Banks.”

“Do you have a celebrity crush?

“Yeah, Drew Starkey from Outer Banks.”

“Are there any people you would hope to collab with or meet?”

“Definitely Drew Starkey from Outer Banks.”

2021

“Last year you said multiple times Drew Starkey is your celebrity crush, is this still true?”

“Yeah, he’s still my main one.”

“Are there any guys you’re interested in?”

“My dream guy is Drew Starkey, if that’s what you mean.”

“What’s your type in a man?”

“Umm… probably Drew Starkey.”

2022

“Update us on all the boy drama! Anyone interesting?”

“Just waiting for Drew Starkey.”

“You look stunning! Are you here with anyone tonight?”

“No, I’m not.”

“Your crush around Drew Starkey, is that still a thing?”

“It still is… have you seen his new movie ‘Hellraiser’?”

2023

“Your new EP just released, are any of the songs about Drew Starkey?”

“Not on this one, no. Maybe the next one.”

“Are you seeing anyone? Has Drew Starkey called?”

“No, not yet. Maybe next year.”

“Have you seen season three of ‘Outer Banks’ yet?”

“Yes, oh my god! Drew looked so good.”

2024

“Your new song ‘Perfume’ is an absolute hit! Is it about Drew Starkey?”

“Omg, no, but it should’ve been.”

“You’ve quickly risen to fame! Has Drew Starkey noticed you yet?”

“Unfortunately, no. He’s probably hiding.”

Ever since your career started, in every single interview you get the question regarding celebrity crushes, the answer was always the same.

Drew Starkey.

It became a known meme revolving you and your fans, along with the media. Practically every interview just loved to teased you about your known celebrity crush.

Your popularity rose more in 2023 to 2024, so, when Jimmy Fallon reached out to you to have you on his show, your agency immediately agreed.

Standing behind the curtain wearing a tight brown suit, the pants wide-leg. Black boots were your choice of footwear, your makeup done perfectly to match the outfit.

“Ladies and gentlemen, bring your hands together for Y/n L/n!”

When Jimmy announced your name, you came out from behind the curtain, a big smile on your face as you waved to the audience.

Shaking hands and hugging some of the crew members before you finally hugged Jimmy, settling down in the blue chair.

“How are you doing tonight?” Jimmy asks with a warm smile.

“I’m doing good! Pretty nervous to be honest, this is my first talkshow.” You answered sincerely.

The audience clapped and Jimmy sunk back in his seat a little more.

“Well, I’m glad to be your first one! So, your new song ‘Perfume’ recently came out, congratulations on 200 million streams.”

“Thank you so much, really.” Your hands were shaking as you fidgeted with the brown fabric on your knee, one leg crossed over the other.

“So, you’ve been singing since 2020?” Jimmy asks.

“Yeah, I started posting videos on Tik Tok but my career really took off at the end of 2023 and now here we are.” You smile, the whole experience still so surreal.

“Your voice is phenomenal, seriously. I’ll need to have you come back and sing on the show for us.” Jimmy says, causing the audience to erupt into cheers.

You laughed a little, nodding your head. “Of course, anytime.”

Jimmy continued to talk to you for a few more minutes about your career, the conversation flowing smoothly as you cracked some nervous jokes.

“So, I have to ask, Y/n. Since your career began you’ve said your celebrity crush is Drew Starkey, can you tell us more about this?”

You felt your face get a little warm as you shifted in your seat, an anxious smile on your lips.

“I dunno, I guess I’ve just always found him attractive. He’s insanely talented and just seems like a very genuine soul.” You say sheepishly, avoiding looking at the camera.

“He’s also becoming more and more popular right now, with season four of ‘Outer Banks’ that came out in October and November along with his new movie ‘Queer’.” Jimmy adds on.

“Yeah, I’m a pretty big fan so I’ve been following along with it. I’m very proud of him, in like a supportive-fan way.” You say, making the audience laugh at the last part.

You were completely oblivious to Jimmy looking behind you, motioning with his hand underneath his desk.

“So it’s not just his looks?” Jimmy teases.

“I mean, he’s a very beautiful man. He looks good with any haircut especially that mullet he had last year — and oh my god, he just looked so good in season four of ‘Outer Banks.’ Plus he has these big biceps that just bulge out of any shirt.”

You hadn’t even realized you were gushing over your celebrity crush until you finally caught yourself, hearing the audience laughing.

“Oh, gosh. You are really into him, huh?” Jimmy teases.

“What would you do if he was standing right behind you?” The host asks.

If you weren’t so nervous from being on a national talkshow you probably would’ve understood his message.

But your brain caused you to miss it, being as oblivious as ever.

“Probably pass out.” You answered, hearing the audience giggle more. Jimmy had an amused grin on his face.

“Please don’t pass out.”

Your posture immediately straightened, body tense as you stood up from the seat.

Turning around, your heart dropped to your stomach when you saw Drew fucking Starkey standing there.

The audience’s laughter grew as well as Jimmy’s, clearly satisfied with the surprise.

Your hands went to cover your mouth, face feeling hot like you had a fever. You just gushed about this man practically to his face.

“Hi, Y/n. I’m Drew.”

You couldn’t respond, just in pure shock as you stare at the tall man.

Drew also looked a little sheepish, his cheeks pink as he grinned at you.

“Did you— did you hear everything?” You finally managed to choke out.

“Maybe.” Drew chuckled, scratching the side of his neck.

“How do you feel after hearing all that, Drew?” Jimmy chuckles.

“I’m honored,” Drew replies.

You hated the way he fucking said that and the way you understood that reference.

Drew held his hand out for you to shake, but your heart was beating too fast and your brain was turning into nervous mush that you just embarrassed yourself in front of your dream man.

“Are you going to shake his hand? Hug him?” Jimmy chuckled.

“I’m… scared.” You murmured, the audience swooning and giggling over your shyness.

“Can I hug you?” Drew asked.

Stunned, your head slowly nodded. His strong arms wrapped around your body, your forehead resting against his shoulder.

You couldn’t even hug him back properly, just too much in shock. He smelt like cologne and it made your knees weak.

“I love your new song, by the way.” Drew murmured softly in your ear.

“Yeah?” You whisper, feeling like an idiot for the way you were reacting in front of him.

Drew just nods and hums, soothingly caressing your back in an effort to calm you down.

“Ladies and gentlemen, give it up one last time for Y/n L/n and Drew Starkey!” Jimmy has to end the segment.

The audience cheers as Drew continues to embrace you.

He had known about you for the last few months, having a few of your songs in his playlists.

He was just constantly busy so he never really got the chance to reach out, but when Jimmy’s team contacted him about surprising you on the show, he was excited.

And nervous.

“Sorry about surprising you like that.” Jimmy comes over, causing you and Drew to finally pull away.

“You gave me trust issues for talkshows now.” You said jokingly, finally calming down a bit.

Drew and Jimmy both laughed softly.

The film crew told you and Drew that the commercial break would be ending soon so to step off stage.

You did your signature on the wall dedicated to Jimmy’s guests, feeling familiar blue eyes gazing at you.

After thanking each crew member and shaking hands or hugging, an assistant pointed you and Drew towards where a car will take you both back to your perspective hotels.

“You ready?” Drew asked you.

You nodded, feeling nervous due to the fact that you were about to be alone in the back of a car with your celebrity crush, other than the driver in the front.

Drew opened the door for you as you climbed in, hyperaware of how he slid in behind you onto the leather seat.

It was quiet for a few moments, you nervously fidgeting with the rings on your fingers.

“So… you like my new song?”

You finally manage to choke out.

Drew smiled softly, turning his head to look at you. He was still a little flustered at everything that happened, but also very amused.

“I do, yeah. Are you going to shoot a music video for it?” Drew asked.

You nod, making eye contact with him.

“Yeah, my idea is to tell a story about these two lovers who move to like a quieter part, I was thinking either the forest or a desert, that live in poorer conditions but are completely happy and content because they have each other. I want it to be full of love, so kissing, affection, a sex scene.”

You rambled on to him, your eyes falling to your hands as you played with your rings.

“Oh, wow. That sounds cool as fuck.” Drew murmured, also watching your hands fidget. He thought it was cute.

“I’ve had the idea in my head for a few years, actually. I started writing ‘Perfume’ in like… 2021? So, I just want everything to be perfect.”

You added on, looking back at him. He had his left leg crossed over his knee, his body language towards you.

“Well… if you need a male costar, I would love to do it.” He gave you a smile.

A small grin curled onto your lips, stomach hurting at realization of what he just implied.

“Yeah?”

He nodded, licking his lips.

“Mhm. I told you, I love the song. Plus, your idea sounds amazing, and if you want me to, I would love to be apart of it.”

You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat when it finally hit you that Drew fucking Starkey wanted to be your on-screen lover.

“You’re not just fucking with me, right?”

You had to ask, blurting it out of your nervous mouth.

Drew just snorted, shaking his head in amusement. “No, I’m not.”

“Okay… I’ll have my manager reach out to your’s about details for when we start shooting. I appreciate it a lot.”

You were unaware the car finally came to a stop, parked outside your hotel, fans and security guards waiting for you.

“Yeah, I’ll definitely be there. Have a good night, Y/n.”

Drew smiled at you, your heart fluttering.

“You too, Drew.”

You got out of the car, letting the security guards guide you inside the hotel. You tried your best to take photos or sign autographs for your dedicated fans, something Drew admired as he watched from the back of the SUV.

By the time you finally got back into your hotel room and kicked off your boots, you started taking off your jewelry.

Flopping down onto the bed, you grabbed your phone.

It felt like your heart dropped to your stomach when one notification specifically caught your eye.

@/drewstarkey started following you back

[coweye]

Just Logan

The worst Logan part ii

Logan Howlett x Reader!Loganverse| smut | 10k words

Summary: You return from the void ready to navigate your new reality with the not-quite-love-of-your life. Second Part to worst Logan.

Warning: Mentions of drugs, Canon Typical Violence, gratuitous Laura paternal love. smut, p in v, unprotected sex, creampie, assplay mentioned.

AN: Fair warning my loves - this hasn’t been proof read… unless you’re reading this after the 26th August! I’m currently posting this on my phone at an airport 💖 I love you all so much and can’t express how much your love for my stories has meant to me!

Achilles once said “I would recognize you in total darkness, were you mute and I deaf. I would recognize you in another lifetime entirely, in different bodies, different times. and I would love you in all of this, until the very last star in the sky burnt out into oblivion."

For seven excruciating years you’d been without him. 

Eventually, time had dulled the ache, made it so you forgot what it was to have another hold you through the night, to make you feel safe and loved. Love was like a drug; one you had unknowingly spent the past half a decade weaning yourself from.

Then he appeared; ‘The worst Logan’ as Wade had not-so-affectionately dubbed him, and in one fell swoop undid years of hard work. He came and reminded you just how fucking good drugs were - that motherfucker was class-A narcotics and he was addictive as hell.

By mid morning you were already desperate for another hit, your eyes searching for him around every corner.  Part of you was afraid you had gotten him all wrong, that perhaps you didn’t know this man as well as you thought you did. Though at the last second Logan had shown up, unfolding him from the boot of the Honda and joining the fray, every inch the hero he insisted he wasn’t. 

You and Laura sliced a path through your enemies, side by side, the two of you moved in perfect synchronisation. In the years since his death, she had taken Logan’s position in your formation, and now the two of you fought together as naturally as breathing. 

Logan couldn’t help but watch the two of you together for a moment, though after a knife to the ribs as reward for his lack of awareness, he shakes his head free from the indulgence of his ready-made-family and returns to the task at hand, carving his way through the enemy to get to Cassandra. 

 It had been a hard-won battle, though Laura had been extraordinary. You, yourself had been outmatched with the Juggernaut, only in a position to bend the light keeping yourself from sight as you inflicted shallow cuts with your blades along his arms and torso creating confusion and pain that allowed Laura to find her openings.

Your girl sliced through his Achilles bringing him to his knees before she ended his life with four claws through his chest. 

In your eyes, as she stared down Goliath her soft features melted into a renaissance painting. A woman in her own right, overflowing with untold power, those shades making her look every inch the badass motherfucker you knew she was.

You can’t help your untimely realisation that your daughter has grown into a formidable woman as you propel her through the air with bubbles of psionic energy to deliver the helmet to her not-quite-father and Wade.   

The brief moment of triumph as you overcome Cassandra’s men is followed in quick succession by the sobering loss of Logan for a second time, as he leaps through the golden shimmering portal.

It had been the plan all along, and yet you couldn’t quite account for the stone in your stomach weighing you down at the realisation he is gone yet again.

Laura’s deep brown eyes, all too often full of difficult emotions, are hidden behind the colourful sunglasses, though you can tell from the fall in her shoulders that your girl feels the same grief. She had held out childlike hope that the two of you would stay with him despite his earlier brush off and you are far too ashamed to admit you had been harbouring similar hopes.

To have gotten him back for a single day only to lose him again, for you it is painful. For her, it must be torment.

So, you put a pin in your pain for now. Loss is an old friend, one that will no doubt visit in the dead of night when sleep inevitably evades you, but Laura needs you.

Swallowing your grief deep down, you begin by tucking her wild dark hair back behind her ears and with the bone of your knuckle you wipe an errant splatter of blood from her brow.

Around you, your team bask in the defeat of Cassandra and her people, yet the two of you mourn losing yet another Logan.

“The time we had with him was a gift.” You whisper to her. The second you touch her palm with your finger tips; her claws instantaneously retract. You interlock your fingers with her own bloodied ones. 

For a moment the two of you stand together like this, coming to terms with the loss. It doesn’t destroy you the same way North Dakota had, but it has certainly taken the air from your lungs. 

“What now?” Laura asks, burying her emotions, more like Logan than you care to admit.  

“Now we find a way to get back home, Cassandra’s not hunting us anymore, maybe we can-“

“Miss Y/LN, Miss- “At the sound of an unfamiliar voice your head whips round and you are armed with a knife before you even make the decision and from the telltale ‘snikt’ behind you so is Laura.

 “Holster your weapons.” The agent shouts as the group of forgotten heroes turn their gaze on the TVA squad who have appeared from the orange glowing doorway. “You have been offered a pardon on order of the time variance authority - please come with us.”

 Laura steps forward, though you place a steady hand on her shoulder stopping her in her tracks. “The last time we trusted you people, we ended up in this dump.” You shout across the gulf that the agents have left between you. 

When has anything in life been this easy?

 “Mr Howlett and Mr Wilson saved the multiverse. All they have asked in return is for a second chance for the people who helped them do it.”

Whilst remaining utterly compelling it still feels far too good to be true. You look at your daughter; she pushes her sunglasses to the top of her head and nods once. She’s not a little girl anymore and she wants to go through the damn doorway.  With little in the way of options you decide with a deep sigh to be an optimist, which is how you end up in Wade Wilson’s apartment.

Five people (six if you include Dogpool) living in a two-bedroom apartment was …  to put it lightly, snug. Wade being the secret gentleman he was, offered up his room to you and Laura.

Nights he didn’t spend at Vanessa’s were spent sharing a bed with Al, much to her delight, which left Logan sleeping on the couch.

Logan: This Logan was nothing short of an enigma to you. 

The two of you had been friendly, smiling and laughing, sitting together at the party Wade had thrown to celebrate saving the universe.

It felt good, easy even to joke with him and Laura. You had felt like a real family as you sandwiched the young girl between the two of you, taking it in turns to make her laugh.

When she had abandoned the two of you to talk with Yukio and Ellie,  you had fallen into comfortable companionable silence. The simple fact of the matter was that you didn’t have much in the way of small talk, all of your talk was massive talk. A mountain you’d soon have to overcome, but neither of you wanted to break the spell.

So, you simply enjoyed each other’s company and when your knee knocked against his under the table, you didn’t bother pulling back. Instead, when he didn’t immediately recoil, you left it there pressed against the warm muscle. 

This casual touching was new to both of you and you were drunk on it, occasionally you’d brush his plaid covered bicep as you leaned across to stroke the monstrosity that was Mary Poppins or you’d brush your fingers against his with a smile when you handed him a fresh beer.  

It’s fair to say, you are both black belts at emotional avoidance. 

Her abandoned airbed, more electrical tape than plastic at this point, lies deflated in the corner of the bedroom, dual holes from slender claws having led to its untimely end.

With a sigh you rise, stretching your aching back. 

Wincing as it cracks from contorting on the edge of the double mattress- even in the goddamned void, you’d had more personal space than this.

Sparing a glance at the alarm clock on the bedside table, you see it’s 6:23am. In a vain hope you just listen to the sounds of the quiet apartment, no one else has awoken yet. You sigh with relief, desperate for some alone time, after living for a week with everyone underfoot. 

Closing the bedroom door behind you as silently as possible, you tiptoe with bare feet with the honest intention of going to the kitchen for some coffee.

Only you’re sidetracked by the man sprawled across the sofa looking like he was carved from goddamn marble.

The blanket is wrapped around his plentiful jean covered thighs as his bare size twelves extend comically over the arm of the sofa. Logan’s thick, veined and extremely bare arm hangs off of the leather cushion, whilst the other clutches a pillow under his head. Logan is wearing a white vest that leaves very little to the imagination, so much so you’re unable to help the flashback of stroking the abs you know linger below the almost transparent white cotton. You’re unsure how long you stand there, but it can’t be more than 30-seconds before his eyes wearily blink open, startling you.

“Paint a picture, it’ll last longer, Bub.” When he speaks, his voice is even thicker than usual with sleep, it’s like honey on gravel and it makes your skin tingle.

“Uh-” You’re lost for words after being caught ogling the sleeping man. All you can do is a quick apology as you carry on through to the kitchen.

When you’re safe from view, you slap palm to your forehead - Why? Why couldn’t you for once in your life just be smooth? 

The second you're out from under his searing gaze a million infinitely suaver responses flood your mind. ‘Don’t mind if I do.’ ‘Don’t tempt me.’ 

You’re nearly (Y/A+7 years) old, not the idiot girl that pined after the unattainable bad boy of the mansion. For the love of all that’s holy; two different versions of that man have been inside of you, and you ran away!

You’re pacing in front of the fridge when you hear his body slide against the leather of the couch. Honestly, you’re praying for the void to swallow you back up as you try to act casual, filling the coffee machine with water.

 “Mornin’.”

“Good Morning, Logan.” You reply though you can’t quite meet his eyes as you flick the switch for the drip to begin. 

“Back on the couch - Eh, I was just kiddin’ around, Bub.” He scratches his neck awkwardly.

“Oh. I, uh, I know.” You reply, finally meeting his eyes. Those hazel eyes stop you in your tracks as they scan your face for any trace of emotion. He’s as out of his depth as you are, and that thought alone calms you. “I’m sorry, If i’ve been strange the past few days… I thought…I just assumed I would never make it out of the void and I was there for months and uh-”

“Bub… y/n... I don’t hold you to what happened that night.”

“What?” You narrow your brows in confusion, you were only going to talk about the uncomfortable adjustment period to regular life.  

“You were vulnerable, I look like your guy. I get it.” His voice is still deep and he’s trying to be so understanding and noble, you can’t help as you reach out and grab his bare wrist, your forefinger can't even meet your thumb as you hold onto his thick warm flesh.

“Logan, no that’s not what I meant at all. I-” 

“-Mornin’ love birds! Don’t let me stop ya’ from takin’ care of that mornin’ wood, just getting some delicious nectar of the gods.” Wade comes from the bedroom wearing Al’s lilac dressing gown and what looks suspiciously like the older woman’s pyjamas, riding far too high up his shins to be his own for the much taller man. Wade leans against the counter next to you and the coffee machine, burying himself in the neck of the dressing gown and looking pointedly at your hand around Logan’s wrist and whispers. “Pretend I’m not even here.”

“God give me strength, Wade.”  Somewhere along the way, Logan’s rage with the mouth has dampened to the point there’s no real threat behind the warning.

As there’s probably about a few teaspoons of coffee in the machine, every fresh drop plinks against the glass jug only enhancing the newfound silence in the kitchen.

“Good Morning, Wade.” You sigh finally, rubbing your thumb against the hair covered flesh of Logan’s wrist in a promise as you try to use your eyes to communicate; we will discuss this. 

“Honestly, I’m not even here. Just go back to staring longingly at each other, talk amongst yourselves.”

“Fu-” Logan starts, his nose flaring at the man beside you, his finite patience already slipping.  

“Incoming.” Wade sings-song lowly, as he drops his head onto your shoulder.

“What are we all doing in the kitchen?” Laura asks through a yawn, her bed head innately ridiculous standing up on all sides - probably from a night spent tossing and turning, kneeing you in the spine. When Logan tears his wrist away from your hand it stings a little, but you understand, the last thing Laura needs in her life is more confusion.

“There’s a line for the coffee, kiddo.” Logan gives her a look that's somewhere between a smile and a grimace. The man’s sharp edges were slowly being worn away again and he was really trying with his daughter, though a tiny growl leaves the young woman at his words.

“She’s not a morning person.” Is the only answer you have for him when he looks your way both confused and quite frankly a little frightened as your daughter takes the first cup of coffee and returns to her room slamming the door behind her with her foot.  

“Teenagers, huh? Whatcha’ gonna’ do with them?” Wade sighs, still leaning his head on your shoulder having made no effort to stop the queue jumper.

Logan gives Wade a meaningful look and tilts his head towards the door, which the man currently invading your personal space bubble continues to ignore. 

There’s something about Wade you can’t find it in yourself to be annoyed by. 

Those years on the run with Charles, Logan and Caliban had been so hopeless, so void of laughter, that the man with the constant jokes puts you at ease, makes your heart feel lighter. Wade makes you smile which has been a rare commodity in recent years.

Perhaps it's the fact he makes the world feel a little lighter that makes you so willing to tolerate the overly familiar head on your shoulder. 

The two men are having a silent conversation, as you stare at the fridge awkwardly.

“I…uh… I think I’ll jump in the shower.” You detangle yourself from Wade and place a meaningful hand on Logan's arm. “Talk later?”

He looks to your hand, and then to your face and simply nods. 

Only, you don’t end up talking later, because after your shower, you return to your bedroom hell bent on getting dressed and heading out into the city for the day to get some distance before you start your new job tomorrow.

That’s when you find Laura twisting her hands and waiting for you. The second you close the door behind you, she stands.

“You alright, bug?” You ask, giving her the opening she so desperately needs. 

“I, um, have some news.” She can barely meet your eyes, a trait you’re sorry to say she’s picked up from you. 

“Yeah?” You prompt, taking her hand in yours.

“I want to join the X-Men.” Your mouth opens involuntarily to reply, but no words can find their way up your throat; you’re irrevocably thrown. 

In the years since the devastation Charles had wrought on the manor, you hadn’t been able to muster the strength to return to West Chester.

“I know, you might not be sold on the idea but I want to use my powers for good, I don’t want to get a normal job - not that the coffee shop isn’t great for you - but I’m-”

“It’s great, Laura.” Your voice sounds wrong even to your ears. “I’ll do my best to get used to being back in the Mansion-”

“No.” You can tell it slips out, she honestly doesn’t mean it to. “I … I, uh, want to join the X-Men, me. I want to go alone.”

“Oh.” You can’t help the deflated sound of your voice, you hadn’t foreseen your daughter breaking up with you when you woke up this morning.

“No, mamá,” She takes your hand in hers, desperate to fix it. “I love you and I can’t ever repay-”

“No, Laura.” You tell her. She looks terrified before you rush to finish. “You don’t ever have to repay me. You are fucking magnificent, so you go be an X-Man. I love you so much.” 

She wraps her arms around your middle, buries her face in your  shoulder and squeezes, she's just as tall as you are now at nineteen years old and fuck if it doesn’t break your goddamn heart.. “If you get yourself hurt with those do gooders, I’ll fucking kill you.”

After dressing and many more tearful hugs as the two of you talk logistics, it's decided she’d be heading over to the mansion in the morning. 

You start work and so does she.

Your heart drops when you hear she’s put off telling you for the past five days, ever since she’d had the offer from Ellie and Yukio at the party. 

Later that evening telling Logan goes, well, about as well as you might expect.

“No.” He growls furiously. “Absolutely, no fuckin’ way.”

“Logan-” You try.

“You agreed to this?” He’s blind to reason as he turns on you. Al and Wade both sit in the living room, having called an ‘urgent family meeting’. 

“I for one think it's a great idea! - not that we haven’t loved having-” One look from Logan does what you had up until this very moment thought impossible and shuts Wade up. 

“Logan, she’s an adult - she wants to join them. We should be supportive.”

“Supportive?!” He’s incredulous as he laughs harshly, voice utterly brimming with condescension when he continues. “You forgettin’ what happened there, huh, bub? You and I are the fuckin’ sole survivors - Last of the class! How's your Storm doing? Your Hank? Your Scott? Oh wait, their all fuckin’ dead!”

Your Logan never spoke to you this way. Never directed that fire within him at you, it's unfair, the comparison, you know this but your brain is misfiring with shock. 

Had your Logan ever truly cared about anything this much when you’d been together in those dark days? Had all the fight truly left him back then? Had the two of you just ended up together out of mere convenience?

When you don’t reply, he just stares your way, his nose flared still utterly furious, at you, your betrayal, at Laura, at this situation he’s not emotionally equipped to deal with. This Logan’s shoulders are squared like he’s preparing to go a few rounds with you and not in a sexy way. 

It's not a situation you’re entirely sure you’ve been in before; you’ve never been his enemy.  So you’re not sure how to approach this cornered animal, ready to swipe out at you in his fear. 

“If I didn’t go to that school, I never would’ve met any of you. I would be back in Y/H/T (your hometown) and I’d be lesser for it.” 

It utterly disarms him, he’d clearly been prepared for harsh words to combat his own.

Pacing like a tiger locked in a cage, he finally sighs rubbing his forehead irritability. Logan turns, grabbing his leather jacket making the doorframe shake as he slams it after himself. 

“I think he’s secretly happy for you, Laura.” Wade’s voice is light and full of sarcasm.

“That went just about as well as to be expected.” Al huffs from her position at her side as she takes Laura’s hand in her own. “I’m sorry, Sweetie. He’ll come round to the idea.”

“Yes, he fucking will.” Seeing your daughter's face crumble as he storms off like a child is apparently your breaking point.

You follow after him, though as you’re a grown adult in charge of her emotions you simply allow the door to close behind you.

“Haha! - She’s gonna beat the shit outta’ him! Its gonna’ be like 454 when she-” You hear Wade cackle as you take off.

It doesn’t take long to find him, you know the man better than you know yourself, though it does certainly help that he’s predictable as shit.

The closest bar to the apartment is where he’s pulled up a stool, his nose flares the second he smells you.

“I mean it this time, I’m not looking for damn company.”

You ignore him, just as you did the time before. 

“Two Corona’s please.”

“I don’t drink that shit.” he huffs. “Corona and a Blue Ribbon.”

It shouldn’t hit you the way it does. 

Just like before, this miniscule insignificant difference, it utterly devastates you.  

A simple fact; his favourite beer. The drink he ordered at every bar he entered without fail - is suddenly, without warning, repulsive to him. 

It just serves to remind you that the man slouched on the bar stool beside you is a complete stranger wearing the face of your dead lover.

Perhaps your Logan drank it simply because he didn’t want to hurt your feelings? 

Had he hated it all along? 

Did he only drink it because you did? 

Maybe the beer is a pertinent metaphor for your entire life.

He only drank the beer because it was there, just like he only fell for you because there was no one better around. 

Your mind is moving a mile a minute, you’re only bought out of your spiral by a bottle being placed down in front of you.

Shaking your head, you will yourself to calm down. After a few centering breaths, Logan is looking your way. 

“Thought you were comin’ to give me a talkin’ to.”

It's funny, in a way, your spiral actually has calmed you, reminded you that this isn’t your Logan. 

He’s a different man with his own set of wounds, trying to navigate this awful situation just like you are. 

“I was going to. You were a dick to her back there.” You sigh, taking a sip of your beer. “Then I remembered everything… everything you’ve lost and I thought maybe I could just cut you some slack this time.”

“That's generous.” He shakes his head, sipping his own beer. “This whole things a fuckin’ mess.”

You can’t help but agree with a nod. 

The two of you sit in silence, which would appear to be the norm these days, you have so much to say to one another, yet you can’t seem to find the words. 

Speaking to him, finding out more of the things that are different about him, terrifies you.

Little do you know, Logan is fighting a similar battle.

He hates the weight of your gaze, how it seems to hold the expectation of the great man you’d lost with every glance, it's a constant reminder how short he falls of the anchor being this world lost. 

“Where am I in your world?” You ask the question you’ve had on your mind since meeting him. He knows almost everything about you, and yet you know so little.

“Dead.” He sighs rubbing at his eyes. “With the rest of them.”

“Did we ever?” He looks your way sharply at this question, then gives a harsh shake of his head. 

It hurts a little to know you were always in the background for him - it's difficult to think of a world where you always loved him from afar, never getting to feel his skin on yours. 

“I mean - you’d have had to pay attention to someone other than her for that to happen, I guess.”

“How the fuck’-” He growls voice filled with a new emotion, one you’re not quite familiar with. Bemusement? Disbelief?  “-has this turned into me being the bad guy for not noticing you?” 

“Eh - you were a real asshole upstairs.” Smirking, you take another sip of your drink. “Question for a question? - Take it in turns?”

“I don’t wanna’ know anythin’ about your world.” He snaps, turning his head back, though you can see him watching you in the mirror beside the booze. 

It's like a countdown, you watch him battle his volatile emotions. 

5, 4, 3 , 2, 1.

“Fine.” He grunts into his beer bottle. “How’d they die?”

That throws you, you’d expected how’d we meet? What happened to Charles? Instead he hits you with that straight out the gate.

“Uh - Charles had started showing signs of a degenerative brain disease. I mean,  he was old, prone to seizures. We were desperate to find a way to control them. We were blind… to the reality of the situation.” You take a sip, resting your forehead on your hand as your eyes ache and threaten to water, this was the first time you’d ever discussed this out loud.. “Then, he had a fucking grand mal … it … it wiped out everyone within a 100,000 foot radius.” 

Unable to help it, you pick at the skin around your thumb. “It was… devastating. He killed them all. All the kids in their classrooms, our friends and family. Not even Jean could stop him.”

“He… he killed Jean?”

You're a little ashamed of the flare of jealousy at his devastation about the woman you’d always come second to. But you push that deep down, it's not the time nor place.

“How’d you survive?” He questions. 

“I was away. I’d heard of a neurosurgeon in Germany, he was developing… Well, it doesn’t matter now. But I was away, whilst everyone I cared about died.” 

You’d never had a need to speak of it, Logan had lived it alongside you - there was something cathartic about saying it all out loud. You wipe at your cheek as you gulp down the last of your drink, a heavy stone weighing your stomach now. 

“Your turn.” Logan’s voice is deep in thought as gestures to the bartender for another. He’s extending an olive branch, a kindness in the face of your vulnerability. 

You think about it for a moment, what you’d like to know. 

“We were friends at least?”

“Oh yeah, we were the best of friends, Bub. You were… uh … a lil’ younger back there, never really looked at you that way.” He scratches at his bearded chin, he’s avoiding looking your way again, uncomfortable sharing these parts of himself. “You… uh… you were gonna have pups with Pete.”

“With Maximoff?!” You squeak disbelieving, whilst taking a sip of your beer prompting a coughing fit to end them all, as you gasp for air. 

Logan sighs, slamming his open palm between your shoulder blades. He rubs the spot he just hit in a circle pattern, reminding you somewhat of the last time he drew circles.

“I had a baby with Peter?” You push your hair back from your face. “...That's why he used to stare at me … y’know there was one time…” 

You smile fondly recounting a time you caught him staring creepily across your classroom before you remember that sweet silver haired kid in your memories is dead. The smile drops from your face in an instant; you didn’t have children with him because he’s six feet under. 

“No. You were pregnant when….” He grunts, his voice has a raw edge to it. For two people constantly at odds, your souls were in the same state of flux, continually aching for vastly different reasons, yet at the root, the same cause. 

The two of you sit in silence for a moment or two, you’re processing the fact that you almost had kids with Quicksilver and he’s no doubt regretting ever playing this game.

The game. 

“It's your turn.”

“This is why she shouldn’t join them, everyone we know is dead.” Logan has had enough of the game as he sighs, rubbing at his eyes. “Being a goddamn hero gets you killed.”

“Logan.” You touch the back of the hand currently gripping the beer bottle neck like it owes him money. “She’s strong, stronger than me. Laura is you in every way that counts. She’s ridiculously stubborn, headstrong - even when she’s wrong - and she has a kind heart. She wants to use those gifts you’ve given her for good. How can you stand in the way of that?” 

Logan’s hand flips over, his warm callused fingers coming to link around your own. 

“The kind heart is all you, bub.” 

The beers have loosened your tongue, made your anxieties seem a little further away.

“I don’t know. You have your moments.” His fingers dance along your palm, stroking the broken planes.

The two of you enjoy this easy intimacy you’d been forming over the past few days. 

“How’d we get together?” Those instruments of death you’ve seen take countless lives, glide over the soft skin of your wrist. Your eyes, usually so afraid to meet his, can’t leave their hazel captivity as you process his blunt question

“Oh, uh…” Tucking your hair behind your ear with your free hand, your eyes dart to his fingers still drifting across your flesh.

“Don’t get shy on me now, bub.” He smirks, though his heart’s not in it. 

That asshole. 

Taking a deep gulp of your third beer, you rely on the liquid courage, before raising your eyes back to his.

“One night. It was a few days after everything, we had finally got a sedative for Charles. We had a moment to take stock of everything we’d lost. You … uh … he came to me and … he cried. The first time I’d seen it.” His hand pulls back, but you can’t help it, you refuse to release your hold. You don’t want to lose this connection. Your thumb dips, rubbing at his knuckle, at the joint where his claws always caused the bone to ache. “I held him and he kissed me, it was messy. It was desperate but I think we both needed to feel something that wasn’t grief.” 

“And I thought I was special… ” His voice holds sarcasm though you can tell the sentiment behind it is anything but humorous.

“You are special to me.”

“Yeah.” His voice is dismissive, like he doesn’t believe what you’re saying.

“You are.”

“I look like the guy who’s special to you, darlin’. I’m not him, as much as you may wish I am. Hell I wish I was.” He has snatched his hand away as he slams cash down on the bar.

Logan has started the short walk back to the apartment, cutting through the alley.

He’s hurt, burying it deep beneath the rage. His anger is an old friend. One he’s comfortable confronting.

“I’m done with your stupid games. I’m done with it all. Haven’t you got the memo? I’m the worst Logan.”

“I’m so fucking sick of that! You’re so goddamn cruel to yourself.” You cry out at his leather covered shoulders, that in itself seems to stop him in his tracks. The Y/N from his world was a mousy wallflower through and through, nothing he’d seen from this world led him to believe you were any different and yet his ears weren’t deceiving him. “I loved my Logan - I fucking adored him. Yes, sometimes it's hard to separate the two of you, but I care for you.”

He stands motionless in the alley as you bare your soul. 

“I’ve known you for a week. I can’t love you the same because you’re not the same person, not entirely, but my soul knows yours. You’re Logan.” You’ve closed the distance but he still wont turn around and perhaps that's what makes it easier to say the things you’ve been desperate to say for days. “I look in your eyes and I feel safe, when you touch me everything feels like it's going to be okay. You’re not the worst, you’re not the best. You’re Logan; you’re just Logan.”

Logan is on you instantly, silencing your words with a scorching kiss. It's the kind you see in movies, desperate, filled to the brim with passion, usually taking place in the rain.

His hands find your lower back, pulling you to him as your wrap your arms around his neck, making sure he can’t escape from your grasp, as he growls and pushes you against the brick wall. 

Your nose aches from the pressure of his cheek pressed against it as he devours your mouth with his own. He is claiming your mouth with a week of pent up emotions. He grips your thigh, hiking your leg up around his waist, pressing the hardened bulge of his jeans against your core. 

“Mom? … Logan?” 

There in the street light Laura is illuminated. Her face gives nothing away, she may as well be wearing those sunglasses for all you can garner from her expression. 

“Hey Love! - I.. We…uh-” Logan slowly releases your thigh, slyly adjusting his jeans in an attempt to hide his erection. You do your best to stand in front of the -ahem- sizeable bulge. 

“How's it going?” You ask with a faux air of casualness as you place your hands on your hips, though your voice has a weird edge.

“Pretty good. How’s it going for you?” Her own voice has a coy little smile to it, which puts you at ease just a little. 

“Great, I’m great. Logan? You great?”

“Great.” He grunts behind you. 

“Great! - Everyone���s … great.” 

The three of you stand in silence for a second or two, processing what's just happened or perhaps trying to decide if great is still a real word.

“You’re so weird.” Laura snorts. “For the record I’m happy that you both pulled your heads out of your asses.”

“Baby-”

“Kid-” You and Logan speak in sync. Your eyes lock as you both try and decide how the other was going to finish that sentence.

“Laura - me and your Mom… uh… things are complicated… and we don’t want to drag you into this.” Logan, the man of very few words, has managed to find them. You’re stunned into silence as he takes control of a conversation… about feelings… with his daughter.

This is not any Logan that you know.

Laura looks to you, waiting for your seal of approval on the message.  

“I know how confusing things are already, Bug.” You close the distance between the two of you, linking your fingers with hers.  “Me and your dad, we’re working through some things.”

You notice Logan’s shoulders setting straighter at his new title, like a welcome weight has been placed upon them. She nods at your words, smiling devilishly.

“It was just a matter of time, Mama. He has a staring problem.”

“No, I fuckin’ don’t.” He growls from behind you both. Your heart feels lighter than it has in a decade as the two of you cackle at his defensive response.

He digs his hands into his pockets glaring your way, though it has no heat whatsoever behind it, in fact he looks like he’s fighting a smile.

With your hand still firmly in Laura’s you pull her back towards the apartment, linking your arm through Logan’s warm, thick leather clad one. He doesn’t take your hand, but he also doesn’t pull away as the three of you walk back to the house. 

“Can we get pizza? - For emotional trauma?” She questions.

“Baby, I’ll buy you all the pizza in New York.” You reply rolling your eyes.

“Not with fuckin’ pineapple on.” Logan groans.

“Pineapple on pizza is objectively delicious!” Laura defends from her place on your otherside, she pulls on your hand still hanging between the two of you. “Back me up.”

“I will always have your back … but…. pineapple on pizza is in fact a crime against humanity.” 

Logan lets out a guffaw of victory, as Laura snarls his way. You take a mental picture, the warmth in your chest, bracketed in by your two favourite people in the world. Life is good.

Laura leaves the next morning. 

It is a difficult pill to swallow, after seven years by her side. You can’t quite make the leap to take her to the mansion, it's something she understands. So when you embrace her at the doorway after Ellie reassures you for the 30th time she’ll look out for her, you find it hard to let go.

There hasn’t been a day you’ve been without her since you first met the scrawny 12-year old in Mexico. Laura is an extension of you, like your heart is on the outside of your body and you’re not ready for your heart to go to West Chester without you being there to protect it. 

At that moment you understand why she needs this independence, she’s 19 years old. She needs her own life, to experience everything it has to offer but that doesn’t make letting go any easier.

“You call if you need anything, anything at all.” You tell her as you push her hair behind her ears. “Don’t stay up too late but also don’t go to bed too early to make friends but make sure you get plenty of sleep.”

“I will get the perfect amount of sleep, don’t worry.” She grabs your wrists, removing your hands from her hair.

“Okay, okay. Sorry.” You sigh, your anxiety is eating away at your stomach. She’s not the vulnerable child being hunted anymore, you try to remind yourself. “If you need me-”

“-If you need us. We’ll be there.” Logan cuts you off, interjecting his own amendment. 

In a show of affection you’re not quite expecting, he hugs the girl. It's somewhat awkward and clumsy, the two have known each other for a week, but when they pull back, you can see the gesture was all that really mattered.

He hands her her backpack, which she throws one strap over her shoulder. The two smile at each other in their silent language, both such quiet souls. 

When she turns back to you, you ask. “We can walk you down?”

“Stay here? It’s easier this way.” She looks so small as she pleads with you.

Taking mercy on her, you nod. 

“Okay.” Waving you watch her turn for the door. You don’t expect however when she turns back and barrels into your chest for a final time, burying her face in your neck.

“I love you, Mama.” She whispers, you can’t help it as your eyes water. You wrap your arms around her, squeezing her tightly to your chest. 

“I love you. You are my world.” You know she needs you to let her go for her to be able to walk through that door. So with a deep inhale of her hair for the road, you pull back gathering your strength. You pull her other strap onto her shoulder and push her hair back from her face. You wipe her tears from her cheeks and give her the biggest smile you can muster, despite your teary eyes and broken voice. “Give them hell, baby.”

Laura nods, giving her own matching teary smile. Her back straightens and her shoulders square as she follows Yukio and Ellie down the hall. The duo waving at you as they descend down the stairs.

You’re so busy watching your world disappear down the hall you barely feel the heavy warm hand wrap around your shoulder in comfort. You melt into Logan’s side as your heart shatters.

You wait for him to leave in a hurry, only he does the last thing you expect of the Wolverine. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you to his chest. You close your eyes as the tears begin to fall against your will. 

Logan strokes your back. He doesn’t offer any words of comfort, but he doesn’t need to, his presence alone is enough.

His trimmed beard, bristles against your hair as he places a kiss on the top of your head, burying his nose in your hair as he holds you. 

It's hard to say how long the two of you stand there like that. Only when your body stops shaking do you finally look up through tear streamed eyes.  Logan looks down at you, his face is lined with concern. 

“You good?”

“I will be.” Your voice is broken from crying. “I-”

“I know, Bub.” He smiles your way, one you’ve not seen, perhaps ever.

It's soft, sympathetic but filled with adoration. He pushes the strand of hair, now sodden with tears, back behind your ear. His finger lingers on the curve of the bone for a moment or two before he pulls back. 

“Bar?”

“Bar.”

Things change when Laura leaves. Not massively, and not entirely for the worst.

You and Logan had started sharing the bed, not like that (unfortunately), but sleeping next to one another. It was comfier than the sofa and his body curled around yours made you sleep a hell of a lot more soundly. Suddenly years of insomnia were cured by his muscled warmth curled around you like a safety blanket.

He never made a move to further it, even if you had once or twice tried to entice him by grinding your backside against his morning wood. The man was nothing if not resilient as he rolled away, grunting.

The two of you had been getting to know one another, you had resolved to treat him like a whole new man. This revelation meant that their differences weren’t such a blow anymore, you didn’t actively compare the two of them as much.

You had created a clear picket line in your head and it seemed to be working. They were two different versions of the same man, each with their own merits and disadvantages. 

They weren’t to be compared.

The two of you had started a ritual of movie nights, evenings where you’d sit a little too close on the couch and pretend it wasn’t happening. He’d share a blanket he knew he didn’t need just to get close to you. It was a little uncomfortable when Wade asked to come under the blanket but you enjoyed the time spent with the clown,  

In fact, your favourite night had been when you, Wade and Al had all sat down to watch the Notebook - the movie Logan point blank refused watch.

Yes, the movie he objected to so strongly, then proceeded to watch from behind the couch, standing awkwardly on the threshold of the lounge. Where he lingered for the first half an hour pretending to have no interest in it. 

When the end credits came around he was back under the blanket with you and Wade, utterly refusing to admit that he’d cried. 

That argument with Wade had gotten heated and he’d put three little tears in your blanket, but it was one of your fondest memories in this apartment. 

It had been three weeks now. Only two of them had been spent hunting for a room that you could afford on a barista’s salary, which was the only job you were qualified for after dropping off the planet for the past ten years.

Colossus had offered you your old teaching position though you didn’t want to cramp Laura’s style and you didn’t think you could face stepping foot back in that mansion, too many of your ghosts lingered there. The same could be said for Logan, though he had found much better paying work at St Margarets.

He and Wade did odd jobs, merc work to pay the rent. They killed bad guys and got paid for it, and boy they got paid a hell of a lot more than you.

The coffee shop below Wade’s apartment, or waking hell, as you’d come to know it was your slice of a regular life; trying to push your circle peg into a triangle hole.

Its a 24-hour coffee shop, cause who doesn’t need caffeine at 3am? Tch. New York. You’re leaning on the counter a million miles away, contemplating if the graveyard shifts are worth the illusion of paying your way when Logan makes up most of your share of the rent anyway.

Your singular customer is a young guy typing away on his laptop, desperately trying to finish what looks like a college essay. He’s eleven espressos in and has been here since before your shift started at 5pm. You haven’t been told if you can cut someone off, but surely that much caffeine must count as overserving. 

The bell above the door tingles loudly, the warm lights illuminate his red mask. 

Wade.

“Hey angel baby!” He comes to the counter, pretending to read the board as if he hasn’t been here a million times before.

“Hi Wade.” You smile tiredly at the man. “What’cha want? It's on the house!”

“Ooooh, gimme’ a Caramel Macchiato but hit me with like 6 shots espresso, extra caramel and don’t skimp on the whipped cream - I like to call this the don't stop til dawn.”

“Your insides must be a mess.” You shake your head and get to making his drink. 

“How’s the soul crushing service industry treating ya?” He asks, leaning one hand on the counter.

“It’s okay. A little boring, but not so bad, nobody's shooting at me.” You motion downwards with your eyes to the fresh bullet holes in his red suit.

“Ha! Yeahhh. But it's good old fashioned fun, beating guys to a pulp, saving kids from trees, taking candy from cats.” You roll your eyes at the man. “But they say, if you love your job you never work a day in your life! And boy, I love my job.”

You're steaming the milk when he speaks up again, shouting loudly over the machine. “You should come and work with me and Logi Bear. He’s 10% less of an old grumpy fuck when you’re around.”

He’s still shouting when the machine quietens, making your cringe a little as the kid looks your way. This isn’t the first time Wade’s broached the subject with you.

“I get you wanna move out, we love having you, but I get that Al’s old lady smell can get sorta’ overwhelming after a while.”

“Wade.” You sigh, admonishing his jokes about the lady who you’ve grown to care for in the past month. “If you didn’t live in a two bed, I’d love to stay, but it's just too small and I want you to have your bedroom back. I hate feeling like a burden.”

You secure the lid to his drink when its finally complete. “One heart attack in a cup.” 

“My favourite.” His mask contorts around the eyes showing his smile. “Oh Wolvie’s upstairs in bad shape. Something took a fuckin’ chunk outta him.”

“What the fuck Wade?! Why didn’t you lead with that?” You’re pulling off your apron and halfway around the counter before you remember your shift isn’t over for another hour.  

“Cause’ then you wouldn’t have made my fast juice.”

Ah fuck it.

“Don’t steal the cash register.” You warn the kid looking your way. “He’ll hunt you down and beat the crap out of you.”

Wade waves at the kid behind you, he has his macchiato in one hand and baby knife in his other for special effect. The kid gives a look of ‘Jeez’ before returning to his work.

“You coming?” You ask when your almost half way through the door.

“Nah - saving innocents makes me hungy. Fork hands has his healing factor. He'll be fine.” Wade replies dismissively.

Huffing you turn on your heel and practically run to the apartment. 

A chunk out of him? 

Logan's healing factor was significantly better without the adamantium poisoning but surely he could die. In an instant you’re back in North Dakota, holding his hand as he fades away. 

Your breath is heavy as you take the steps two at a time. 

Not again. 

The door is thrown open and instead of chaos you find the lights dimmed, candles all over the apartment and there Logan stands in a new plaid buttondown and his finest wranglers. He’s holding a bouquet of sunflowers in those veined hands you love so much. It's like something out of a Danielle Steel novel and you utterly melt.

The panic that had clutched your heart recedes. Your anxiety releases its grip on you. 

“You’re not hurt?” 

“No, bub. I’m fine. Sorry for the clown. He offered to help and I…”

You shake your head and smile at him, hesitantly you take a step forward. When you’re close enough he hands them your way. “I have it on good authority, they’re your favourites.”

“They are.”

“I wanna give you what you deserve, sweetheart.” He starts, it's like he’s rehearsed it in his head. Little do you know it's all his thought about for the past three weeks. “You deserve more than a romp in the woods, or an alley.” 

He seems to cringe at this before continuing.

“I’m not like the other guy. He was a goddamn anchor being, hero through and through from what I hear about him. I’m angry, I kill people and I drink too goddamn much, but when you look at me, I feel like I could be him.” For the first time, it is him that takes your hand in his much larger one. “Do you know how jealous of that asshole I am, Bub? That he got you first? That he got to have your uncomplicated love. If you’d been older in my timeline, I would've’ met you first, I wouldn’t have looked twice at another and I’d have fallen for you the second you looked up at me from beneath those eyelashes, how could I not when everything about you is so easy to love?” 

You’ve always been a crier, and this is no different. The man is stamping down every single one of your insecurities, reassuring you as you go. Making you feel more loved then you’ve ever felt before.

“I adore you. From your crappy cooking-”

“-Hey.”

“Your porny books you think I don’t see, to the way you cry at movies, how much you love our daughter. I fuckin’ love you Y/N. Its messy and complicated, I’m not sure if you could-”

In a total role reversal it is you who cuts him off, grabbing his face in your palms and dragging his face down to yours. Your mouths join for the first time in weeks, it is hot and full of desire and love. It's like the two of you are releasing all of your tension into this kiss, finally the air has been cleared and it's rejuvenating. 

You press your forehead to his, gasping for breath as his kisses steal the air from your lungs.

“Lo, I guarantee every version of me loves you, even if you were too blind to see it in your world.” 

“You were a married woman in my world, bub.”

You gasp theatrically. “Adulturerer.”

“You’ve spent too much time with that fuckin’ idiot.” He kisses your lips, though you don’t let it turn into anything deeper, as you pull back rubbing your nose against his. 

“Fornicator.” 

“tch… stop.” He groans, grabbing your ass pulling you into his bulge, you bite his lip with a giggle. “Why do you have these lined up?”

He never gets his answer as he picks you up, wrapping your legs around his back and carries you through to the bedroom. You pull away from his mouth, looking over to the set dinner table.

“The food… you went to all that effort!” He is kissing your neck, nipping and lathering the bites with his tongue. 

“Can’t cook for shit, darlin’. It’s take out, we can heat it up. I’m hungry for your fuckin’ sweet cunt right now. “

Your lower stomach clenches at his positively filthy words, you join your lips back to his. His teeth nip at your lip as he plunges his tongue into your mouth, running the tip along your teeth. 

Before there had been need, but now, you’re both desperate. You’ve had a mere taste of what the other has to offer and now you’ve starved yourself for months. 

“Not gonna’ last long on the first, darlin’.” He groans into your mouth as your hand works its way into his pants. He is eager as he throws you back onto the bed and is already working at peeling your black jeans down your legs. “Those fuckin’ shorts you sleep in, fuck. I’ve been dreamin’ about buryin’ myself in ya’ for weeks.”

“Please, Lo.” You’re not sure what you’re already begging for but you are desperate. You’re left in your uniform tee and panties, as he slowly unbuttons his button down, slowly revealing the white undershirt beneath. You’ve never found collarbones particularly attractive, but the tanned skin stretched across his is quite frankly delectable. 

You pull your shirt over your head, all too eager to be rid of the reminder of the job you should by all rights be at right now. Your bra is quick to follow.

“Those gorgeous tits, been thinking of these every fucking night.” You groan at his admission. He himself is shirtless, you have half a mind to return the same complement as your hands brush against his perfectly sculpted pecs. 

This man was the perfect specimen, it was unfair, t shirts should be outlawed for him. He grabs the waistband of your panties. 

‘Snikt’ and a rip sound and you are utterly bare before him, laying across Wade’s bed. 

Those gorgeous strong hands trace the planes of your body, circling your nipples before his mouth takes their place. 

He groans as his hands descend to your core. “All this for me? I’m gonna’ fuckin’ slide in, Baby.” 

And he does, two fingers push through your tight slick opening, three weeks of foreplay have left you soaking wet and wanting. How can you live with a man who looks the way he does, who consistently works out in the living room shirtless and not have the ocean in your panties. 

It seems Logan has had all he can take as he slides a third finger in, pumping it in and out of you, rubbing at your clit with his thumb. Gasping you grab at your sheets desperate to anchor yourself. 

He kisses up your breast, lavishing your chest in kisses and bites. Never enough to leave a mark but just enough to excite you. 

When he’s at your neck he leans in, whispering into your ear. “I’m gonna fuckin’ ruin that pussy.”

You can’t help it, maybe you’re a whore for this man, but you don’t fucking care. Your legs part even further on the bed.

“Please, Logan. I need you to fuck me.”

He grins savagely, pushing his already undone belt and jeans down his hips. He’s back up and claiming your mouth, your legs wrapped around his ass, pulling you down to him before he knows it. 

One hand is bearing his weight as the other disappears, he lines himself up at your entrance, the head of his cock breaching your folds. He’s thick, thicker than you remember, but there isn’t any discomfort this time. He settles for a moment, his forehead against yours. His mouth dips to join your lips, his tongue lashing out and fucking your mouth as his hips leap forward spearing you on his cock. The bed creaks with the power of his hips as he fucks you hard into the matress. 

Skin slapping on skin is all that can be heard as he readjusts onto his knees, he’s desperate to be as deep as possible and you need the same thing. 

“Lo-”

“I know, darlin’.” He grabs your waist, lifting you as if you weigh nothing at all and flips you over. Suddenly you’re astride him, your knees either side of his hips as his head rests in the pillows. 

His eyes are distracted by your tits as he smirks, happy with the view. 

You ache for him, so you reach down, lining his thick purple headed member with your core before you sink down in one stroke, his extended groan absolutely wrecks you as his big hands come to rest on the meat of your hips. 

You rest your hands on his amply hair covered chest, using his pecs as leverage before you raise your hips before slamming back down and bottoming him out. 

He’s so deep inside you, the tip of him must be brushing your goddamn cervix as you raise yourself once more, until he almost slips out before meeting his hips once more. 

Logan’s strength never fails to surprise you as his hands follow your lead yet help lift you through the manoeuvre. 

You’re bouncing on his cock, quick rise and fall sporadically grinding your clit deliciously into his pelvis. 

Logan feels fucking amazing inside of you, maybe its been the buildup of weeks but you find yourself heading towards the dive faster than ever before. 

“Ride my cock,sweetheart. That’s it, make yourself feel good.”

Gasping at his words and the change of position as he sits up, wrapping his arms around you and claiming your mouth. The second you find the angle that feels amazing against your clit, you hit it again and again, grinding hard against him.

“Lo - I’m gonna … I’m gonna -” You crash before you can get the words out, your toes curl by his knees and your whole body seizes in ecstasy. The world feels right as the stars appear behind your eyes.

The world stopped for you for a moment but not for Logan. He has bought his knees up and is pistoning his hips into your contorting body. He’s holding you against him, groaning into your neck as he continues to fuck your clenching pussy relentlessly.

“Oh fuck … your so fucking tight. Fucking perfect cunt- made - for - me.” He growls into your neck, but you’re too cock drunk to hear it properly, as he frantically thrusts his powerful hips up and into you. 

“Where? ” He pulls back, never slowing his hips as he grabs your cheeks with one hand. Your sweat laden face, vacant and looking back at him, your cunt hasn’t stopped clenching around him as he plunders your depths, his voice is strained as he asks again  “Darlin’...you gotta … tell me … where?”

“...inside, Lo. Please come inside me…” Your so overstimulated, you could cry.  The sound of his balls slapping against skin as he thrusts upwards deep inside of you, whilst he pulls your body down. He’s so fucking deep inside of you, your pussy squelching from a mixture of precum and your arousal.

With another string of lewd words he’s coming hard, Logan’s head has fallen back against the headboard exposing the thick chords of muscle, you can't help sinking your teeth into it, you dip your hand and rub at your clit clumsily, you’re so fucking overstimulated from watching him you follow him over the precipice once more, giving him an insanely tight sheath to come in. 

“That’s it, take it all, sweetheart” He groans as he continues to slowly pump his seed deep within you

Gasping you fall slack in his arms, your bones are jelly and your muscles ache, you really are a pillow princess. 

“Still with me?” You manage to nod your clammy forehead against his pec, you currently have your cheek squished against. He chuckles, as he lies back against the pillows, leaving his cock still inside of you, you can feel him leaking out of you as he softens a little, recovering for what you imagine will be another enthusiastic round if history is a teacher. 

You are utterly fucked out as you lie on his chest, listening to his breath with his cum slowly leaking from your abused hole. 

The two of you have never needed words, you lie against his chest, the hands you adore so much, come out to stroke your hair.

Rubbing soothingly at your scalp before running his calloused fingers through the locks and repeating. 

When you’ve finally gathered enough strength you lean on your hands, looking up at him.

“Welcome back, bub.”

“Hello.” You smile shyly, like you hadn’t just sunk your canines into his neck whilst wantonly riding his cock to oblivion. 

“You okay?” He asks, his hand rising to stroke your swollen bottom lip.

“Someone fucked me brain dead - but yeah, I’m good.” You smirk, nipping at his thumb.

He grins wolfishly and chuckles with his whole body, the movement causes his cock to move inside of you. Slowly you feel him hardening once more.

“You can still talk, Darlin’. Means I haven’t done my job properly.” The predatory gaze in his eyes excites and scares you in equal parts. Though you’re probably asking for trouble when you take his thumb back in your mouth. 

It's light outside when you finally have to tap out. 

Your pussy is aching, your ass is stinging from the new sensation, your jaw throbs and your entire body is boneless. 

You can’t quite catch your breath and your cunt is leaking so much cum, that you’re probably 10% Logan at this point. 

The Wolverine has utterly devoured you, making up for three weeks of torment in one night. Though he’s not all bad as he feeds you noodles from chopsticks as you lay on his muscled hair laden thighs. 

When Logan had suggested food, you’d had to stop him from eating Wontons from your belly button as none of your holes were currently operational. 

The two of you have dressed, though that is a strong use of the word as you’re wearing only his button down and him only his underwear. 

You’re lazing on the couch watching reruns of Friends as your bed sorely needs fresh sheets and a new base. Poor Wade, you’d have to replace it before you move out. Like he could read your mind, Logan begins. 

“I found a new place, its nothing fancy but its got four walls and no roommates.” You smile at him around your mouthful of noodles as he takes his own bite.

Sitting up you smile. “That’s great news, Lo.”

“I uh- wanted to see, if you’d wanna come with me.”

You can’t help your grin. 

fin.

I am currently posting this at the airport before my flight. I love you all! 💖

[spyder-junkie]

I just cant stop thinking of Earth-42! miles with a reader that falls for prowler first.

(had to rewrite this post because it didnt save the first time *frustration*)

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4

EARTH-42 MILES MORALES X Reader

I imagine you’ve snuck out, leaving your apartment in the middle of the night unbeknownst to your parents.

Youre walking down to your house under the cover of darkness when quickly you notice your being followed.

You curse silently.

The man behind you is much bigger than you are, and youre not sure you could fight him off if it came to it.

You start taking random turns, leading the man away from your apartment building, but as you being to pass an alley way, he grabs you, ducking you in.

He has you against a wall, his forearm holding your neck to the bricks.

“Youre real beautiful, do me a favor and keep quiet.” You flinch as his voice, hands shaking as your eyes begin to water.

Then suddenly theres a ‘whoosh’ and the man falls to the ground, dead.

You look up to your rescuer, and its the prowler, a well know criminal in the area.

Your heart beats in your ears as he begins to walk away, boots clanking down the sidewalk.

You run after him.

“Thank you!” You say, jogging to keep up with his strides.

“You really saved my ass.”

“It’s dangerous out at night.” He huffs, voiced warbled by the mask. You let out a little chuckle.

“Yeah…” You stop walking.

“Could you walk me home? please?”

The prowler stops walking, most likely contemplating what he should do. Then he lets out another sigh.

“You owe me.” He states firmly, turnning around to face you.

You smile, carefully wrapping your hand around two if his clawed, gloved fingers and leading him in the opposite direction.

The walk was almost silent, you taking occasional glances at the villian by your side. You noticed he had two thick braids that cascaded down his neck.

What you didnt notice was the glances he spared at you.

When the two if you reached your apartment, he watched as you climbed the fire escape to your window. You open it, climbing inside. Then you pole your head back out, mouthing a ‘thank you!’ and waving down at the prowler.

you wait expectantly for him to wave back, smiling once he finally does.

Then he disappears.

You didnt know if you would ever see the masked villian again.

So imagine your surprise two weeks later when theres a knock at your window.

It was around 8pm, you were working on a school assignment when the sound of metal tapping glass hit your ears.

You turn in your spinning chair, eyes widened at the sight of prowler crouched in your window.

You rush to unlock it, pullibg up the glass pane and letting the night air in.

“Missed me?” You ask, trying to mask the shaking in your voice.

“Do you have a digital alarm clock?” He asks, ignoring your question all together.

You think for a moment.

“I might have my old one in my closet.” You say, not giving him a chance to reply before you turned on your heel.

You expected him to follow you, but he didnt, staying perched in the window and looking around your bedroom from the outside.

He waited as you rummaged through your things.

Then suddenly you emerged, holding an alarm clock, the cord trailing behind you.

What do you need it for?” you ask.

“Mechanical parts.” was his vauge reply.

, you hand it to him.

He held it in one of his clawed hands, getting ready to depart. That was until you crossed your arms and loudly cleared your throat.

He looked at you.

“Thank you?” You raise an eyebrow.

“……..Thanks.” He mumbles, just before jumping off the fire escape and disappearing again.

The next time you see him is well over a month later.

Its a little past 3am, and you’re well into needed sleep.

Then theres another knock at you window.

A bunch of knocks actually. You hear the metal tapping sound until you rise from your bed, annoyed to say the least.

When you see Prowler at your window once again, you pick up the pace moving to the window to open it.

This time, as soon as you life the pane, he steps in.

Or he tries to, he trips, his body hitting the ground softly next to your bed.

“Woah- are you alright…” You ask, panicked.

He doesn’t answer.

“Prowler….?” You ask, closing the window.

Still no answer.

“pleasedontbedeadpleasedontbedeadpleasedontbedead…” You press your ear to his metal chest, bending down to his laying position.

Hes breathing.

You sigh in relief.

You sit and think for a moment before carefully sitting him up.

You try your best to remove all the parts of his suit, placing them in a neat pile in your closet as you go.

You realize theres a flesh wound on the side of his ribs, and a couple cuts and bruises elsewhere.

After immense debate, you hesitantly press the button on his mask, letting it move to the side to reveal his face.

Hes…handsome, you realize, and much younger than you imagined. There was a cut on his face and a bruise by his hairline, there was a bit of bleeding in his scalp, you assumed thats what caused him to pass out.

You tiptoe to the bathroom, grabbing a first aid kit and begining to clean him up with a warm rag and bandages.

You even unbraid his hair, dressing the wound in his scalp and braiding it back in a way that wouldn’t irritate the healing.

He doesnt stir in the slightest, seemingly a heavy sleeper.

After you’re finished, you carefully move him to your bed, and cuddle up beside him. You get close, but dont touch him, then slowly you drift off to sleep.

When Miles wakes up, his initial response is panic. He begins to look around, trying to pinpoint where he is.

He flinches as he lifts his arm to rub the sleep from his eyes.

“Good morning.” You say, emerging from the bathroom dressed for school the day.

He watches as you begin to do your hair in the mirror.

“G’mornin.” He mumbles, still watching you.

“How are you feeling?” You ask. He looks down, analyzing how you dressed his wounds.

“Im fine. Sore. You aint do too bad here.” He says. Now you can really hear his accent without the mask.

“Good. Good… you scared me yknow, I was worried.” You mumble.

Miles furrows his eyes, but he keeps quiet.

He watches as you grab you bookbag and your keys.

“Your suit is in my closet. I set out clean towels in my bathroom if you want to shower. My dad is gone for the day, you can make yourself something to eat if you’d like. Leave whenever you want, just please close my window when you go.” You say, hand on the doorframe.

“Okay………..….thank you.” he mumbles, still staring hard at you.

“You’re welcomeee…..” You leave the sentence open.

“…..Miles.” He says softly.

“Miles.” You repeat.

“Get some rest.” You say, opening the door.

“And dont be a stranger.”

His gaze lingers on the doorway even long after you’ve left.

And when you come home, Miles is gone.

The towels are in the hamper, his suit is gone from the closet, your bed is made, and the window is closed, its like he was never there at all.

But then sitting on your desk, theres $300 cash and a small note.

“Thanks again, Hermosa……-Miles”

[olsenmyolsen]

Request from anon: Wanda and y/n have been in a relationship for some months and both of them have a crush on Natasha so they decide to invite her for a threesome and she accepts. Y/n and Natasha are g!p

You Both Huh? (18+)

maroon master list . dark master list . request marvel master list . short n’ sweet master list

Post Age of Ultron: (Wanda Maximoff X G!P Reader X G!P Natasha Romanoff)

Summary: You, Wanda, and Natasha discover and learn about each other's bodies.

Word Count: 2.6K

Content: Fluff, Comfort, Feelings, wlw, sex, threesome, oral, porn with plot

This was my first time writing G!P, and I hope I did it justice! Please let me know if I did anything wrong ❤️

Natasha was exhausted.

After a month of being deep undercover and alone with her thoughts in another country, she was finally back home.

Back at the compound.

Back to be with her found family and friends.

Yet only you and Wanda seemed to be home.

As the elevator doors opened, Natasha found the two of you curled up on the couch in the living room. What Natasha doesn't know is how the two of you were waiting for your favorite redhead to come back home. So, as she steps out from the elevator and her boots hit the floor, Wanda lifts her head up and looks back.

A huge smile breaks out on the younger brunette as she turns to you and shakes you awake from your cat nap.

You rub the sleep out of your eyes as Wanda grabs your hand, and the two of you fly off the couch to Natasha. "Oh my gosh, Wanda! Y/n!" Natasha exclaims as she sees you two quickly make your way over. Her bags hitting the ground as she wraps her arms around her friends.

Her friends that just so happen to be a couple that have a crush on her.

But that's for in a little bit!

Natasha's had her suspicions, but she's a spy, so being on guard 24/7 is like her thing.

As you breathe in the dry shampoo from Natasha's hair, you hear Wanda communicate to you. "Tonight can be perfect." You can't help but smirk and turn your head to eye Wanda. "If Natasha is up for it." You communicate back, making Wanda playfully roll her eyes—something Natasha catches.

"Already? I just got back and you two are already having secret conversations?"

"Sorry, babes!" You comment as you let go of Natasha. "Just about our plans for later." Natasha shakes her head and rolls her eyes. "Okay, sure, whatever." Wanda can't help but laugh as Natasha pretends not to believe you.

"So, where's everyone else?" Natasha asks as she picks up her bags, but Wanda's magic stops her as red tendrils pick them up. "Still need to get used to that," Natasha remarks, even if Sokovia was a year ago. Wanda smiles wide.

"Thor is off-world. Tony and Pepper are doing stuff with M.I.T. Cap and Sam are busy with their missing friend. The toaster is still on sleep mode." Natasha laughs at the last dig you throw in while Wanda rolls her eyes as the three of you arrive at Natasha's door.

"And Banner?" She questions before Wanda can make a comment about her robotic friend. You shake your head. "Nothing to report." Natasha hums and nods her head as she opens her door. "Well, maybe that's best."

"Yeah, it's not like you need him," Wanda says, surprising all three of you. You turn to your girlfriend of the last six months, shocked as she drops her mouth. "Oh my gosh! Natasha, I'm so sorry that was supposed to be an inside thought!"

Natasha looks shocked and looks from you to Wanda. Her surprised face slowly morphs into a quizzical look as she tilts her head and leans against her open door. "An inside thought, huh? What did you mean by it?"

Wanda opens and closes her mouth. "Umm." She looks to you, but you don't know how to help Wanda other than telepathically telling her: "Maybe now's the time."

Wanda closes her mouth, and she decides to go for it.

She looks from you to the redhead, still waiting for an answer. "I meant what I said. You don't need him. You don't him for a release o-or for someone to.. connect with... when... when you have us." When Wanda finally gets through her sentence, she peeks into Natasha's green eyes and does her best not to tap into Natasha's mind.

"When I have you both?" Natasha softly questions as you stand next to Wanda and grab her hand. Letting her know you fully appreciate her for speaking up for the both of you.

You nod to the older woman in front of you. "We like you, Tasha."

"A lot," Wanda adds on.

Suddenly, Natasha's suspicions and nagging feelings made a lot more sense. She was right. The two of you had a crush on the Black Widow. Natasha's body relaxed against the door frame as her neutral face turned into a light smile.

"You both, huh?" She questioned as her smile turned more into a smirk. This made the ever-growing feeling in your stomach flip and turn as Wanda squeezed your hand tighter. "Yes," Wanda spoke for the two of you.

"How long?" Natasha asked as her eyes danced from you to your girlfriend and back. "Since... always?" You said as Wanda nodded. "You're kind of impossible not to develop feelings for," Wanda replied, making Natasha laugh before she took a step closer.

"Well, it's a good thing I like to keep an open mind about these types of situations," Natasha said, confusing you slightly. "What type of situations?" You asked as Natasha turned around and kicked open her door wider as she walked into her room.

Wanda's green eyes and your own followed the figure of the redhead. Her back to you as she lifted up her shirt, revealing her black bra straps underneath. She then turned her head halfway towards you and your girlfriend. "These types... Now, are you two going to join me or not?"

Your girlfriend and you had waited for this moment, so it was no surprise when the door closed behind the two of you and locked in record speed due to Wanda's powers. Natasha smiled and loved it as the two of you continued to watch the show she put on. She smirked and kept her back to you both as she slowly unclipped her bra and unbuttoned her black jeans after kicking off her boots.

The sight of Natasha's creamy ass hidden beneath a pair of black boxers made you want to bite your fist. It was hot and slow and left you wanting more as she turned around to you two.

And that's when you saw it.

Your eyes went wide as Wanda's stomach officially blew up with butterflies. The bulge in Natasha's skin-tight boxers was astounding and, best of all... real.

You and Wanda had no idea.

Natasha who had been nervous and otherwise embarrassed with her reveal in the past could see the look in you and your girlfriends eyes and knew she had nothing to worry about.

"What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" Natasha smirked as you and Wanda stepped closer and closer. "That's not the word I would use," Wanda spoke shakily before she looked at you.

You swallowed and wasted no time. You slowly undressed and lifted your eyes to Natasha's green orbs. Wanda followed along as her sundress quickly slipped off and pooled around her feet.

A sight Natasha lightly gasped at as the only thing Wanda wore underneath was a pair of red cotton panties.

"I guess this is one more thing we have in common." You spoke to Natasha as she turned her eyes to you as you slipped off your black pants.

Now it was Natasha's turn for her eyes to go wide as she drank you and your sizable middle section. "Holy shit." She whispered into the room as you threw your shirt off and grabbed Wanda's hand.

All three of you standing in your underwear. Your eyes dance from one person to the other.

Natasha took the lead after a moment and closed the distance between you and Wanda. She dropped her hand to where you and Wanda held each other and grabbed it. "I have to say you two continue to surprise me." Natasha turned her head to the brunette. "Especially you, Wanda."

"Me?" Your girlfriend questioned, making Natasha nod as she led you to her king-sized bed.

Leave it to Natasha to never be at the compound but have a king-sized bed.

Natasha's legs hit the bed before she swung her legs around and started moving back toward her headboard. You and Wanda followed as you crawled onto the bed on your knees. "Well, I never would've thought that Sokovian girl in my red jacket would be up for such... activities."

Wanda blushed as she turned her head away. Natasha looks to you. "But now I see why." Natasha looks you up and down and moves her hands to brush along your sides as Wanda looks back at you both.  You shiver and feel your body jolt at the contact. "Kiss me," Natasha speaks to you as her hands form a grip on your hips as she moves her legs out from under her.

"Do it."

You listen to Wanda's voice in your head, and Natasha commands and moves forward, crashing your lips into Natasha, making the older woman fall back with shock before she closes her eyes and savors the taste of you.

With hunger, your rushed kiss turns into a heated make-out session that leaves Wanda feeling more and more aroused as she watches your body fall into Natasha's. Wanda can't help but dart her green eyes down to see how you and Natasha have grown larger.

The feeling of desire darkens Wanda's eyes as a quiet moan escapes her lips—something Natsha's jewelry-covered ears pick up and makes her slow the taste of your tongue.

Natasha opens her eyes and slowly pushes you by your shoulders just a tad as she looks from Wanda back to you. Natasha can't help but smile at the look Wanda wears. "Now, now, we can't forget about a special someone," Natasha says to you, making you shake your head. "No, we can't." Your words come out almost breathless as you lift off Natasha, grab Wanda by her hand, and pull her close. "Come here, baby."

Wanda obeys and moves to the postion you were just in, pleasing you and Natasha.

"Oh, hi there, beautiful," Natasha says as Wanda looks down at the redhead. "Hi." Wanda shyly smiles and giggles before Natasha runs her hand through Wanda's hair and places her hand on the back of Wanda's skull. "Come here." Natasha softly whispers as she gently lowers Wanda onto her and kisses the witch's pink lips.

You watch from behind as the two move with slow passion. Dear lord, and just when you think the night couldn't get better, your eyes and hand start to trail down Wanda's backside past her scars and moles. 

Down to her underwear, you find a growing wet spot and smile.

Wanda gasps into Natasha's lips as you start to pull down the red cotton panties. Natasha notices and moves her hand from Wanda's side and across her hips.

Wanda does her best to close her legs as Natasha touches her, but Natasha pushes them open and looks up to the brunette with a smile. "It's okay. Let us take care of you." Natasha lifts her left hand up to cup Wanda's face as her right-hand skims the top of Wanda's clit. "And then you can take care of me," Natasha smirks before her tongue enters Wanda's mouth.

The younger woman accepts it and moans into Natasha's mouth as she feels you shift on the bed, and Natasha's fingers circle her wet clit.

Your hands coming in contact with her bare ass moments later.

And then Wanda feels your naked thighs brush up against the backs of hers. "Oh, baby." You moan, making Wanda and Natasha stop to turn and look at you.

"Fuck look at that," Natasha says as you hold your penis lining it up to Wanda's entrance. Wanda closes her eyes and turns her head back to collapse her body onto Natasha.

Natasha smiles as she watches and feels Wanda's breath against her chest as you slowly push forward. Wanda whimpers and moans against Natasha's skin before the redhead lifts her face and kisses her.

"It feels so good." Wanda quietly says between the two of them. Natasha nods. "I know, baby." She replies by bringing her right hand back up to Wanda. Her middle and ring fingers glistened from Wanda's wetness. Natasha looks from her hand to Wanda's face and brings it to the brunette's lips.

Without being told, Wanda opens her mouth and closes it around the two fingers before she sucks and tastes herself.

"My, my Wanda, you are a good girl." Wanda moans around Natasha's fingers and shuts her eyes as you push deeper into her. The feeling of pleasure radiates off her body and onto Natasha, who smirks and loves the sight before her.

With a smile, Natasha slowly pulls her finger out of Wanda's mouth. Wanda's lips fall against the callous skin before flipping back up once Natasha leaves her.

Wanda opens her eyes again as Natasha runs her hand up Wanda's face to her head. "You're taking her so well, aren't you?" Natasha asks, making you smile. Wanda nods without any words escaping her mouth. "Do you think you can handle more?" Natasha asks Wanda, who nods again. "Yes."

Regardless of the answer, Natasha was going to push on Wanda's head. But the brunette started moving down willingly as her lips left a trail of hot kisses down Natasha's front exposed body until she reached the band of her black boxers.

Wanda was getting more and more lost in the lust of the situation as she touched Natasha, and you fucked her doggy style, making her start to act on desire.

Not that Natasha minded the watching and feeling Wanda's hot breath and tongue work up and down the outline of her cock against the fabric. The friction and the need for it to be released made Natasha squirm just a bit, but it was not enough to make Wanda drunk with power.

Because even she wanted to taste it and feel it slide down her throat.

So she gave in and let her hot hands pull down Natasha's boxers, exposing the redhead's cock to the cool air of the room. "O-oh my gosh, Natasha." Wanda practically moaned as you thrust into her. She looked up to her friend, who wore a smirk. "Go ahead." Natasha encouraged to which Wanda nodded and wasted no time licking her lips and taking the tip into her mouth as Wanda's hand wrapped itself around the base.

As Natasha fell back, your girlfriend's head began to bob up and down.

You didn't think anything else would be hotter.

And yet, when Natasha's hand pushed down onto Wanda's head, making her gag as Natasha smirked, you found true bliss.

You found it again as Natasha moaned and moaned due to the vibrations coming from Wanda's screams of pleasure on Natasha's cock as you gripped the brunette's hips and pounded into her. 

And then again and again as you, Wanda, and Natasha explored each other and made each other feel loved, cared for, dirty, and like a bunch of sluts all night.

You cumming in Wanda never made Natasha feel so good.

But after that night, it wasn't just you and Wanda.

It was the three of you together.

It's a good thing Tasha had that king bed and that Baner, who you didn't know, swung both ways, was off-world.

What an idiot.

dividers by @/benkeibear

[hazelsmirrorball]

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys | Charles Leclerc

SUMMARY: After being mia for a year, Y/n comes back better than ever ready to talk about her six year relationship, through music.

FACE CLAIM: Lola Tung

pairings: Singer! Reader x Charles Leclerc

a/n: sorry for also being mia!! i’ve been working with uni and publishing my book! i hope you guys enjoy

david.iacono via instagram

liked by logansargent, minnie.mills and 100,427 others

tagged: y/n.l/n_

david.iacono our girl is finally making a comeback!!

view all coments

…

user102 i’m sorry but she’s alive?!

user15 y/n is finally back!!

user12 omg finally!! i missed her so so much

user4579_ i’ve missed you in the paddock

minnie.mills she’s back!!!

user101 wait? our girl? what happened to charles?

-> user15 im pretty sure they broke up! she hasn’t been seen anywhere for the past year and that includes everything related to charles.

-> user278 they don’t even follow each other on instagram anymore!

y/n.l/n via insta stories. minnie.mills via insta stories.

y/n.l/n via insta

liked by charles_leclerc and 1,820,278 more.

y/n.l/n guess who’s back with great news!! if you’ve been following me for a while you would now how much i love musical theater and i’m forever thankful for giving life to eurydice in hadestown!

view all comments

…

user10 our queen is back and she’s going to broadway?! omg guys!!!!!

user78 it’s happening!!!

user57 you did it y/n!!!

user17 i feel like a proud mother, congrats!!

minnie.mills broadway is shaking in their boots!! Just wait till they hear the album!

-> user890 the album?! what album??

-> user27 omg omg omg

-> y/n.l/n thank you for spoiling the album

user19 i don’t know what’s crazier, the album announcement in the comments or charles in the likes

y/n.l/n posted a video via insta.

liked by arthur_lecler, carlossainz55 and 2,920,831 others.

y/n.l/n. decided to give you guys a preview of a song I've been writing since I was gone, hope you guys enjoy!! xoxo

view all comments

user28 no fucking way!!!

user2901 I'm going to puke

user290 we can all agree this song is about Charles, right?!?! I can't be crazy

user190 this is so crazy

user789 but what’s the name of the song?

-> y/n.l/n my boy only breaks his favorite toys

-> user17 it keeps getting worse and worse for charles

user219 if this is the preview of the album she's writing if I were Charles I would start hiding

user89 once I fix me, he's gonna miss me?!?!? she ate I fear

user19 I guess the new album is a disstrack

user55 well at least we know who arthur and carlos side with in the breakup

user26 charles pr team should get to work

y/n.l/n via insta.

liked by charles_leclerc, chrisbriney_ and 920,194 more.

y/n.l/n opening night was a hit! thank you for everyone that waited for me to heal and supported me all the way, i love you guys. good things are coming soon

view all comments

user78 you are so mega talented!! you deserve this and more

user891 the caption seems shady?

user178 oh charles what did you do

charles_leclerc congrats xoxo

-> user16 i don’t know what shocks me more, charles commenting or his xoxo

-> user89 once i fix me, he’s gonna miss me…

patriciooward via insta stories!

y/n.l/n via instagram !

liked by patriciooward, minnie.mills and 3,991.782 others

y/n.l/n all’s fair in love and poetry…new album THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT. out on friday!

view all comments

user189 omg?!? we’ve been getting so much content

user167 they could never make me hate you charles

patriciooward congrats cariño 🤍

-> user78 come again?

-> user67 pato what are you doing here?!

user78 i’m scared, if this is something about charles never proposing im going feral

user589 honestly i can’t wait until friday someone leak it!!

user67 please be ready charles

charles_leclerc 🤍

[genshin-obsessed]

Idk if I'm too late for the Neuvillette drabbles but imagine trying to go swimming with him but he doesn't get in the water so you splash him playfully and then he just. Summons a fuckin tidal wave on you. By accident. And he's so apologetic afterward but you're just laughing your ass off lol

Nope, not late at all! I just went to bed last night right after posting the thingie lol also this sounds so cuteee <33 I had fun with it! Thank you! Word count: 501

Gather like the Tidal Wave

"Ah! Finally, some time to relax!" You squealed as your feet hit the sand as you ran towards the cool, blue water. Without warning, you jumped in, the cold water surrounding you. Neuvillette, on the other hand, just watched you with a light smile as he stood a distance away.

After a couple of moments, you poked your head out, looking over at him and waving. Raising a gloved hand, Neuvillette waved right back, chuckling to himself.

"Aren't you coming in?" You called back to him before pouting when he shook his head.

"No, I'm alright, but you do look like you're having lots of fun." Neuvillette replied as he walked closer to the water, only his boots getting wet due to the waves rolling in on the shore.

"Aw, come on! You've been working so hard all weak! Don't you need to swim? Cuz you're a dragon and all." You said, making him shake his head a little.

"I'm not a lizard that dries out, sweet (y/n), I'm a human just like you." You crossed your arms at his words, your cheeks turning a faint shade of pink.

"Yeah, well it doesn't rain when I get super sad." You argued back to which he looked at you confused.

"No, if I recall correctly, it does rain when you get upset."

"It rains because you get upset that I'm upset." Well, Neuvillette couldn't deny that. Honestly, if you were upset or you cried, that transferred to Neuvillette and before you knew it, it would be raining.

"I can't deny that." He said honestly, his icy blue eyes shifting away in slight embarrassment.

Deciding it was too boring without him in the water, you began to splash him. He threw his hand up, stopping the water before it hit him, making you whine.

"Neuvillette! You're no fun! Come on!"

"I'm sorry, my robes are a bit expensive and I don't want them to get wet-" He flinched when you splashed him again, but this time the water hit his face.

He couldn't find himself being upset because... you were laughing. So, he decided to play along. He walked a bit further into the water and swiped his hand against it, making it splash you. And so began the very short splash war.

Unforunately, Neuvillette wasn't paying attention and... with one swift move of his hand, a large tidal wave formed beside you and crashed right over you. You squealed, holding your breath in time as you spun around under the water.

Neuvillette, on the other hand, audibly gasped. That wave was a lot bigger than he meant to make it! However, his panicked heart was instantly set at ease when he saw you stick your head out and begin laughing.

"My apologies, that was a little big."

"That was so cool! Do it again!" You exclaimed in excitement, jumping up and down. Much to your dismay, Neuvillette shook his head as he began walking back out of the water.

"No, I don't think so."

[woso-dreamzzz]

Firsts III

Hardersson x Child!Reader

Part of The Big Adventures Universe

Summary: You lose your first tooth

The day you lose your first tooth, is the day that Momma kicks you in the face with a ball.

It's still morning. You'd spent the first half of your day at school doing Maths and German before Morsa came to pick you up. She takes you home to have lunch because she and Momma have afternoon training today.

She's actually cooking for lunch today. When you spend the whole day at school, she gives you a packed lunch with all of your favourite snack foods and some things to swap with the kids at your school. At the weekends, you don't really eat a lot until dinner so having a cooked lunch is special.

You can see here through the kitchen window as Momma chips the ball over your head.

You huff. "Momma! Stop it! I can't get it if you do that!"

"You can't save every shot, princesse," Momma reminds you like she always does when she does something like this.

You roll your eyes. "I'm only little, Momma," You say," We're only practicing." You roll the ball back to her.

Momma smiles. "Sorry, princesse. I'll make sure you can get this one."

Usually, you would be able to get it. Pernille knows the moment her foot strikes it that she's hit it too hard, hit it hard like she's at practice and is actually shooting against a professional keeper.

It's fast too and smacks you in the face before you can raise your hands to catch it. The force of it tips you back and you land on the ground with a thud.

Immediately, you burst into tears.

Pernille tries to scoop you up but you squirm away from her even as she tries to dab the blood from your mouth.

You spit

A glob of blood appears in your hand along with a tooth.

You look at it in shock. You look at Momma.

"Morsa!" You yell, running inside.

Morsa's standing over the stove, stirring a pot of boiling water and pasta. "Hmm? What is it? Have you two broken the goalposts again?"

Your goal at home wasn't a proper goal. It was made of plastic tube things that had to be slotted together. Sometimes, when you dived for the ball, you hit the posts and they got loose.

You shake your head.

"Look!"

Morsa turns to look at you before her eyebrows shoot up in shock.

There's dirt on your face and your lips are red with a little bit of blood.

"What happened to you?!"

"Momma kicked the ball at me," You whine, stamping your feet," My tooth's gone!" You hold up the glob of blood to show your tooth but Morsa seems too preoccupied with looking at your gums.

One of your canines is missing and there's a bit more blood than there should be if the tooth had just fallen out naturally.

"That looks like it hurt," Morsa says.

You nod miserably.

"Let's get something cold on that."

When it's time to leave for training you're still a little tearful and you're mourning the loss of your tooth as you stick your tongue into the sensitive bit of gum it left.

Pernille feels horrible and you absolutely refuse to let her even touch you. You stick close to Magda, who shows you and your little mouth gap off to the rest of the Bayern girls.

"You don't look happy," Georgia says as she sits next to Pernille and laces up her boots," Aren't parents meant to be super happy after their kid's teeth fall out or something?"

"It didn't fall out by itself," Pernille admits," I kicked a football at her face."

"Seriously?"

"Yep."

"And it knocked it straight out?"

"She bled a lot," Pernille said," And it's a little achy. She's sad."

"Well, once the tooth fairy comes, she'll be happy again."

"What's the tooth fair?"

Georgia jumps when you suddenly appear in front of them. She can see the gap in your teeth as you talk and, as Pernille said, you do seem a little sad.

You're standing in front of them but give no indication that you even know Pernille's there.

"Well..." Georgia says," It's a little fairy that collects teeth?"

"But why?"

"Er...Because she likes them?"

Your brow furrows and you cover your mouth with your hand. "Is she going to take all of my teeth?"

"No, princesse," Pernille says. Your eyes flick to her for a moment before settling on the floor," You put the tooth you lost under your pillow and she'll take it while you're sleeping."

"She'll leave money too!" Georgia says helpfully and that makes you lift your gaze, to check with Pernille that what Georgia's saying is true.

She nods. She doesn't exactly want to agree with this but at this point, anything to get you to forget that she's the reason that you've lost your tooth in the first place.

"And I put my tooth under my pillow and she comes to get it?"

"Yes."

"And she gives me money?"

"Yes."

You think for a moment, rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet before you reach out for Pernille's hand. You yawn.

"I'm tired, Momma," You say," Can we go home now?"

Momma laughs. "Nice try, Princesse but we've still got a few more hours of training left."

You whine and groan the entire training session and it's a struggle to stop you from putting yourself to bed as soon as you get home.

You still end up going to bed earlier than usual but Pernille waits hours until she knows you're actually asleep to slip in.

"Don't give her too much," Magda says as she sits up in bed and reads through her book.

"I won't," Pernille lies.

You look adorably sweet and soft when she slips into your bedroom. Your mouth is slightly open and your face is squished against girl-moose as you cradle girl-swan close to your chest.

Pernille swaps your tooth with some money.

"All done?" Magda asks.

Pernille nods.

Magda was in for a rude awakening when you came running in the next day at dawn.

"Momma! Morsa! The tooth fairy left me ten euros!"

[macfrog]

brother | joel & tommy

massive thank-you to @elliespuns who was kind enough to send me so many gorgeous photos of joel and tommy to choose from for this piece. i really, really appreciate it, lovely 🤍 forever indebted to and forever obsessed with you!

pairing: joel miller & tommy miller summary: tommy visits his brother's grave. warnings: lots of grief, brotherly love (but sad), spoilers for tlou2 word count: 900 words

masterlist | follow @macfroglets w notifs on to be the first to hear when i post 🤍 | posted first on ao3!

We brought you home in a mottled sheet.

Pathetic, right? I know it, brother. I’m sorry for it. Shit, I’m sorry for all of it.

It’s the best we could find – the best they could find. The kids, I mean. I couldn’t’ve found my own two feet when they eventually managed to wake me. The room swelled into focus and everything was doubled, everything swaying side to side, all violent like.

I could hardly string a sentence together. My head felt heavy with blood, hearing still shot to hell. The first thing I did was look for you.

And oh, Jesus, Joel, did I see you.

I spat the words out in a sob. Be careful with him, I said. I couldn’t get to my feet quick enough; couldn’t reach you with my shaking hands. That’s my goddamn brother, you hear?

He’s my brother.

They found an old pallet and made a sled out of it. We tied it to Old Beardy’s breastplate and let him lead you home. Figured the old timer’s used to the weight of you by now, right?

He kept shaking his head the whole way, kept huffing these deep, achy breaths. I’d never heard him do that before – none of us had. Like he was in pain, almost. I don’t know if horses know grief like we do, Joel, but it sure seemed like he knew. He just…knew.

The gray lump of you jolted and jerked behind him. The more I looked, the more I felt like throwing up, and still – I couldn’t look away from you.

The shape of your head – this crimson bloom where your skull had been broken. Square shoulders, sturdy chest. Long legs and boots still laced – the way you once taught me. Make bunny ears, twist ‘em around each other. Yeah, just like that. Now, pull.

Tall frame, protective frame. Used to plant yourself between me and anything you thought might hurt me. Used to wrestle with me in the backyard, stomach my damn windmill punches like they were nothing.

Man, I don’t know how you ever taught me to throw a half-decent one, but you did. Mom would call us inside and you’d pat my back and say good job, little brother.

Good job. What kinda fucking job did I do this time, huh? When it mattered? Where was I, when my brother needed me most?

On my goddamn ass, that’s where. Blacked out. I couldn’t get to you, no matter how hard I tried.

I tried, Joel. I swear to you, I tried.

It was all of it, all at once. The blizzard, the woman, the room – Christ, that room. So much blood I felt it lining the inside of my lungs. So much that I can still smell it, taste it, like it’s become me. Like everything I look at is tinged red; the color of rust, the color of rage.

The room, where I became just the one. Lost something in my sleep. Hit the ground with a heavy thud, swam back to the surface to find I was short. Something taken. Something stolen.

And I’ve been without you before, Joel, but at least I always got to give you a piece of my mind on the way out.

You remember summer camp, that year I was real homesick? I don’t know what it was. Maybe just knowing you were all those miles away. You remember I wrote you about a hundred times? Jesus. I know you’re laughing, too.

I spent that whole summer with a smile pinned to my face. Counting down the days. I’d turn over in my sleeping bag, pick at the skin on my thumbs and wonder what you were up to. Wonder if you were missing me as much. Wonder if you’d thought about me at all that day.

Well, here I am. Wondering much the same.

I miss you, Joel. I don’t know what to do with that. There ain’t no bus home at the end of this; no big brother and his dirt bike waiting for me in Austin. It’s only been a week, I know that – but my ears won’t stop ringing, and I haven’t stopped looking for you.

It wakes me at night. This pain in my chest, like I’m swimming for that surface over and over, and all I ever do is drown. I wake saying your name. The doctors say it’s just bad dreams, just part of the process, but I know what it really is. I’m calling on you, and you never come.

It’s about damn time I realized you ain’t never gonna come. You’re never coming back. Not to me, not to this place. You’re on a path I can’t follow, brother. We’re on our own from here on out.

Goddamn it, Joel. Why the hell’d it have to be you?

Maybe if we’d gone a different route that day. Maybe if we’d spent a little longer in the stables. We were tryna outrun the weather, sure, but we could’ve spared a few minutes. Shit, I would’ve spared anything, if it meant I’d still have my brother.

Sun’s coming up over the mountains. I better get going. Got a mighty long journey ahead of me. I’ll make things right, Joel, I swear.

Go on, now. I’ll bet your Sarah’s waiting.

See you round, brother.

[gunnerfc]

Baby Fever | Steph Catley x Matildas!Reader

Summary: having young children around during camp has you and your wife thinking about the future 

Warnings: just fluff!! Which is the complete opposite of my last steph fic LMAO

WC: 1.3K - a tad short but wanted to have something posted this week! 

AN: two steph fics back to back…. Just love her very much i fear 🤧

Being in camp with some of your closest friends and your wife was always a fun experience. You were thrilled to be back in camp, playing the sport you loved with the people you loved. However, recently there has been a specific thought in the back of your head about you and Steph expanding your family. It didn’t help that two of your teammates had adorable kids that usually came to camp with them.

Here you were, sitting with some of your teammates after a long day of training watching Kyra and Charli playing with Harper. The small girl’s giggles filled the room as she tried to escape Kyra’s grasp. You watched from your spot on a couch with a fond smile on your face at their interactions. 

“You and Steffy are next then yeah,” Caitlin’s voice pulled you from your thoughts about what it would be like seeing Steph play with your kids.

You turned to face the forward, offering a light shrug in response before mumbling a “maybe.” You and Steph have talked about kids before you were engaged and it was something you both wanted, you just weren’t sure when. With it being an Olympic year, you knew it wouldn’t be any time soon and that was fine and you knew this was a conversation that needed to be revisited. 

The next few days before the game, it seemed that no matter where you went, you saw parents with their young kids having the best time. It was like the universe was trying to make your baby fever worse than it already was. You had decided to bring it up to Steph the next time you two got a moment to yourselves, which with the hectic pre-game schedule wasn’t until you were sat next to her in the locker room after warm-ups.

“My love,” you started as you leaned closer to her. “I think we should have a baby,” your voice was low enough for only Steph to hear but with the loud chatter and music filling the room, you could have spoken normally and no one would have heard you.

Steph, who is in the process of retying her boot, jerked her head up and almost hit you. Her eyes were wide at your words but before she could form a response, Tony was ushering the team into a huddle for a quick speech before walkouts.

Was telling Steph you wanted to have kids right before a match your brightest idea? No. but if you didn’t say anything soon then you were going to go crazy. Your words stuck with the defender throughout the match and she tried her hardest to shake them, needing to focus on the game.

Steph wanted kids with you as well, and she’d be lying if seeing how much the team loved Harper and Harley didn’t make her want kids more. She just was not expecting you to say that right before you walked out onto the pitch for a game. The Matildas came away with a three-to-one win over New Zealand and as the final whistle blew, you were jumping in her arms, celebrating your goal that she assisted. 

“I’m so proud of you, pretty girl,” Steph swooned, her arms tightening around your waist. 

Your arms tightened around her neck as your face flushed at the pet name. It didn’t matter that the two of you had been together for years and were married, every time Steph called you a cute pet name, you felt the same as you did when you first started dating.

“Couldn’t have done without you, baby,” you whispered in her ear as you pulled back slightly, your eyes locking with hers. Normally, you would have been hesitant about bold PDA moves but in that moment you didnt care as you pulled your wife into a kiss.

Over the loud cheers from the crowd, you could hear Kyra and Charli mocking you and Steph and the teasing comments from Caitlin and Hayley to “get a room.” You giggled into the kiss before pulling away and subtly flipping off your teammates. 

You heard your name being called by a staff member to come do a quick post-match interview and you groaned into Steph’s shoulder, you didn’t want to let go of her.

“Go, we’ll talk back at the hotel,” the defender smiled as she lightly pushed in the direction of the staff member. You took a deep breath at her words, knowing she was referencing what you said before the game. 

You weren’t expecting anything bad but you were nervous about the big step you and Steph would be making soon. The interview went by quickly and you were once again in the locker room, this time freshly showered and in comfortable clothes. Steph had waited for you to take a shower and change before you two joined your teammates on the bus. 

The ride back to the hotel was quieter than normal, everyone feeling the effects of long training sessions mixed having played over ninety minutes. Your head was resting on Steph’s shoulder as your eyes fluttered closed from exhaustion. “Sleep. I’ll wake you when we get there, pretty girl,” Steph whispered as she gave you a small kiss on the top of your head.

A few minutes later, the defender was lightly shaking you awake, whispering that you were at the hotel. You blinked a few times to wake yourself up before light stretching your arms as you waited for your teammates in front of you to move down the aisle. Taking Steph’s hand you exited the bus and made your way through the lobby. Before you could reach the elevator, Steph pulled you towards the hotel's indoor pool, she figured it would be a relaxing way to talk since you weren’t roommates this camp.

As you two reached the entrance, a family exited the pool room laughing. You were sure the universe was just teasing you now. The indoor pool was empty after the family left, which made things a bit more peaceful for you and Steph. The two of sat on the edge of the pool with your feet in the cool water.

You sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying just being in your wife’s presence. Steph was in an intense staring contest with the reflections in the water, her mind racing with similar thoughts to yours.

“I know we’ve talked about kids,” you started, breaking the silence. Steph turned her head in your direction, giving you her full attention. “But, seeing the team, and you, with Harper and Harley this camp has me thinking about us, and when we will be parents. And, it's like the universe is trying to tell me something because every time we leave this hotel, all I can notice are families having the best time and I want that,” you rushed out, taking a deep breath when you were finished.

Steph watched as you rambled with a small smile on her face, she was over the moon at the thought of starting a family with you. “Obviously, I know it can't happen now, we have the Olympics and the rest of the season to focus on but after, maybe we could start then,” you offered when Steph hadn’t said anything.

“I want nothing more than for us to have a family. I couldn’t tell you the number of times I've watched you with kids, picturing you with our kids,” the defender mumbled as she thought about it again. 

“After we win the gold medal and the league, we’ll start then,” Steph confirmed your earlier statement with a promising tone. Your face lit up at her words as you scooted closer to pull her into a deep kiss.

You pulled apart when air became an issue and leaned back with a content sigh. “I know you’ll be great with kids, my love,” you said before a teasing smirk that Steph knew meant you were going to say something unserious. “Plus, you’ll also be a milf!” you smirked, watching Steph roll her eyes at your words.

You two had some time to figure out everything about expanding your family, but for now, you were going to live through your teammates who brought their kids to camp, knowing soon you and Steph would have your own kids to love and adore.

[thelastofhyde]

hit the road, jack!

pairing. ex!jack daniels x fem!reader synopsis. the last time you sat in jack’s infamous bronco, you broke his heart. now, a year later, you’re sitting in it with a mud-stained wedding dress and he’s driving you back to the man you left at the altar. is one night, a thousand miles, and a well-timed car radio enough to remind you of the love you shared? warnings. road trip au, exes to lovers, runaway bride!reader, mutual pining, miscommunication/no communication, idiots in love, exes in love, minor character death, infidelity, one ( 1 ) comment regarding food restriction, mentions of period, smut ( unprotected piv, dirty talk, sex in public spaces, implied creampie, fairly non-descriptive ) the reader of this fic is mostly non-descript, with mentions of having hair long enough to stick to her neck when wet and hands smaller than jack's. word count. 14.7k hyde's input. quick disclaimer that this fic was admittedly better in my head, but i tried my best :') it unfortunately never got to reach it's full potential as my friends dragged me off on an unexpected trip on friday for my birthday (which is today aka the 23rd). because of that, i've not had time to finish the last few scenes as well as i'd hoped to (it's literally 5 am as i'm editing it bc it's the only chance i've had) but i don't want to post this any later as this is my entry to the #SummerLovin'24 event, organised and hosted by @pedgito, @chaotic-mystery & @amanitacowboy , a massive thank you to them for creating such a fun event. i really enjoyed taking part and i can not wait to sink my teeth into the other amazing fics from this event. if you care to listen, here is a playlist of songs mentioned/featured in the fic.

INTRO — silver springs.

“Time cast a spell on you, but you won’t forget me.”

Stevie Nicks et al chant out of old speakers, a bass blown out over time and an intruding static that demands to play alongside the band. Perched upon the bar counter, they sit adjacent to a cash register that shakes each time it opens, a slam seemingly the only way to close it. The swish of a mop over chequered vinyl flooring and the squeaks of a waitress’ coffee-stained sneakers play to their own tune. The passing of time turns it all to background noise.

Through lunch, through dinner, and two shift changes you’ve survived. Out in the parking lot now sits only a semi-truck, its drivers, two men in scuffed boots and jeans that fray at their seams, the only other customers that remain. One tucks into a Sloppy Joe, the other has fallen asleep against the table, his coffee turning as cold as your own.

You ordered the coffee for nothing more than an excuse to sit a while longer. Time for figuring out what’s next. What you’ll do, where you’ll go, how you’ll get there. The elderly couple who’d been kind enough to take you off the side of the road, moving luggage into the trunk to make space for you in the backseats, are now long gone from the roadside diner.

It wasn’t a sorrowful departure. You were quite happy to see them leave, and take their pitiful glances and unasked questions with them. The looks still linger on in others. Each pair of eyes you’ve encountered, dragging over the expanse of your messed up hair, and your smudged eyes, and your mud-stained gown. It’s not hard to imagine the scenes they play out in their heads, of a bride scorned and abandoned on what was meant to be the happiest day of her life, a day meant for vows and first dances twisted into one of heartbroken wandering and roadside pit-stops.

You wonder if any of them know you’re not the victim, but the aggressor. The one who fled, leaving behind a bouquet of striped carnations, marigolds, and purple hyacinths.

Tires crunch on gravel as a car rolls into the parking lot. Whichever fool sits behind the wheel has their full beams on. A light flickers over your head. It’s been doing so for the past hour, an irritating reflection in the window that steals your attention back into the diner.

The waitress is eyeing you again, a weary look on her face that tells you she wants to approach but doesn’t know how. Maybe she wants to ask if you’re okay, or enquire about the events that led you here, deep in the middle of nowhere. Or maybe she just wants you to close your tab and leave. 

The bell above the door rings as it opens. It’s been a while since you heard it do so. A smile comes over the waitress as she greets the newcomer. Her eyes seem to take them in, slowly. From top to bottom, and right back to the top. Innocent, if not a little flirtatious. She’d not looked at either of the truckers that way. Perhaps this is her lover, here to wait about and keep a watchful eye as she works the night shift. You can’t imagine it’s the safest place in the world for a woman to find herself working through the twilight hours, nothing but open road and sky-rise trees surrounding the diner.

A sip from your coffee. It’s as cold as you expected. Bitter too, having not found your voice in time to ask for sugar. Your stomach growls, a plea for a meal. If you’d only stayed at the venue, you’d be full of vanilla frosting, and smoked oysters, and… had it been the coronation chicken or the roast sirloin the wedding planner had gone with in the end? You can’t remember. What you do remember is her unwanted advice: just stick to some light bites, no bride wants a food-baby in her pictures.

In retrospect, you’d disliked her from the moment you met her. But you had no desire to plan a wedding. And no time either, much to your future mother-in-law’s chagrin. So out she’d gone, a cat on the hunt, dragging home some mousy-brown haired wedding planner as a sacrificial lamb. Better it be her than you who stresses over the shade of napkins, and the taste of merlots, and the seating arrangements.

Footsteps thud against the floor. Slow, deliberate, not a stumble in the way they move. You stare back out the window and spy a cowboy hat reflected in it. It belongs to the waitress’ lover, who by now is likely making his way over to pull her in real close and swoon her with a kiss only men blessed by southern charm possess.

A different version of you, a happier version, used to be kissed like that every morning.

“Are you lost, sweetheart?” The voice of a man echoes. Softly spoken, yet loudly heard in the quiet of the diner. In the window, the cowboy hat stands right behind you. You turn slowly, let your eyes dance over its owner. Like a sculpture plucked out of ancient Rome, he’s a fine art only the most delicate hands could shape. He’s brown-eyed affection. He’s an aquiline nose. He’s a well-groomed moustache. He’s Jack. “Think it’s a few miles up north they’re expecting a pretty bride.”

Leather jackets and well-fitted jeans have been traded in for a suit. Simple, classic. White shirt, black tie, a trademark cowboy hat you’d never failed to spot amongst any crowd. There’s a crinkle where a cheeky grin meets eyes framed by full brows and lashes, a scar on his right temple a reminder of the kind of man he is. Dauntless, righteous, brave. An undercover agent, posing as the CFO of one of the largest whiskey distilleries in the world. 

An illusion plays out where no time has passed and his is still the face you come home to each night. A lot can change in a year, however, like the bed you sleep in, or the ring upon your finger.

He welcomes himself into the seat across from you. The protective barrier of a water-ring stained table keeps a safe distance between you both, yet you still feel his knee knock against your own as he makes himself comfortable. One arm stretched over the backrest, the other rests against the table and drums a nervous tune with his fingers.

“You’ve worried a lot of people, darliln’,” his gaze studies you. You wonder if it’s the same look he used to give his targets. The thought sours the sweetness of seeing his pretty eyes after all these months. “Runnin’ off like that, not even a hoot or a holler to let your daddy know you’re alright.”

Your dad. He’d slipped off to the bathroom, a kiss to your cheek and a promise he’d be back in time to walk you down the aisle. What must he have thought, rounding the corner to the sight of a bouquet, abandoned a la Cinderella and her glass slipper. Before you stew in guilt for too long, the rest of Jack’s words catch up to you.

He knew you ranaway. That glimpse of a cowboy hat amongst the pews had not been an illusion.

Jack was at the wedding.

“What happened?” His hand seeks you out. Warm as you remember him to be, large enough to engulf your smaller palm in his. “Why’d you run?” You stay quiet. Shrug your shoulders, eventually, and stare down as his thumb brushes over your knuckles. “You gonna give me a proper answer, sweetheart?”

Another shoulder shrug leads Jack to a sigh. There’s a pause in the quiet tension brewing between you, in the shape of the smiling waitress, pen and pad in hand. Her eyes seem to dart between you both, and you can almost hear her wondering who Jack is, if he’s the man you were meant to meet at the end of the aisle. There’d been a time when yes was the only possible answer to such a question.

“A glass of your finest whiskey. Neat, of course. And how ‘bout somethin’ to please a sweet tooth, hm?” His foot bumps yours beneath the table, calling you to look at him. You meet his eyes, watch him raise his brows in question. “Spied a pretty mean lookin’ cherry pie on my way in. That sound good to you, darlin’?” Your mute staring continues. Your stomach takes control, answers him with a disgruntled growl from within. His head turns to the side, laughing, and he nods at the waitress. “Think she’s gonna need a slice of that pie, miss!”

The right to speak returns to you at last, as you watch the glass of liquid caramel be placed down in front of him, head turning to stare out the window, a familiar Bronco sits poorly parked, obnoxious in the way it treads the line of two parking spaces.

“You shouldn’t drink and drive.”

Surprise flashes over his face, but he recovers quickly, untensing his shoulders as he sinks further into the booth. “Didn't order it for me,” he slides the glass of whiskey over to you. “Eat up, drink up. You need it.”

Though it kills you to admit it, the first bite out of the pie feels like heaven in your mouth. Tart, sweet, with pastry so golden it’s as if King Midas baked it under the heat of his own hands. A sip of the whiskey isn’t so great, but you stomach the burn and accept the erasure of nerves it promises. Your eagerness to clear the plate and empty the glass has nothing to do with the approving smile Jack watches you with.

“How did you find me?” 

“You doubtin’ my skills?” He’s teasing. You know this. Still, you fall into the trap of a panicked head shake, a cough over the final bite of cherry goodness. “I stopped at a gas station. Runnin’ on an empty in the middle of nowhere ain’t on my list of wants, you see. Overheard two kids talkin’ about some bride sittin’ at a dinner a few miles down. Don’t take no Hercule Poirot to figure it was you”

“Oh.”

You shouldn’t feel disappointed by his answer, there’s no reason a man you hurt so deeply would have any vested interest in finding you.

The last you’d seen of Jack was through your car’s rear-view mirror, his tear stricken face watching you drive away, five years of clothes, and shoes, and memories stuffed into your car. He’d begged you not to leave your shared home; offered to sleep in the spare room, give you both time to work things out between you. You’d been the one to declare it useless.

“This isn’t something we can fix, Jack!”

“But, darlin’, I love you.”

“A happy coincidence, I was lookin’ for ya anyway. You gonna tell me what’s goin’ on inside that head of yours yet?” At least this time your mute stare is paired with a head shake. “Look, I mean well when I say this, but darlin’, you’re lookin’ a mighty mess. Now, a pretty mess that may be, but a mess all the same.” His hand is back on yours, squeezing with enough strength to ground you and keep you from floating off into the landscape of your own conflicted mind. “So here’s what’s gonna happen. I’m gonna take a trip to the gents, then I’m gonna square up whatever we owe this fine establishment, and then we’re gettin’ that pretty caboose of yours up'n out of here.”

Frozen where you sit, it takes a few moments for the warmth of whiskey to settle in your bones, lurching you forward when it does, a gasp and a tight grip at his wrist, holding him back before he can stroll away from the table.

“Where are we going?”

“For a drive, sweetheart.”

TRACK 1 — vienna

You and Jack are no strangers to a late night drive.

An entire love story, told within the confines of four wheels and a chassis. The very night you met, you wound up in his passenger seat, arms up in the air and the wind blowing through your hair, the charming cowboy next to you taking every joyful laugh as a plea to go faster, nothing ahead but the open road and a southern voice crooning out of the radio. Too lost in your own head, that’s what he’d claimed you to be, having strolled up to a lonely-you in a crowded bar, lamenting over a glass of bitter white wine, freshly fired and with no real clue of what you were going to do next. Never one to entertain a stranger, you’d tried to brush him off, but he flashed that smile and invited you, so tenderly as the intro to a Bruce Springsteen song began to play, to just give him one dance.

One dance led to unimaginable love.

As time passed, a relationship burst into full bloom, the imprint of you carved into the car’s leather. Jack insisted you grow accustomed to the life of a passenger princess. He picked you up from work, drove you to all your girls’ night outs, sacrificed hours of necessary sleep to drop you at airports, and train stations, and whatever other public transport your work trips demanded you to travel upon. But how could you dream of saying no when you got to ogle the view of him, one hand on the wheel, the other on your thigh, effortlessly manoeuvring his beloved vehicle. 

The car came on couples' vacations, too, road trip getaways. Up north, past the Canadian borders, and down south to the skyline of Mexico City. Out west, a trail up to the Grand Canyon, the Empire State Building in the east. But the late night drives, those were your favourite. Times when life felt too much, with work stressing you out, or your parents giving you grief, or a stress headache gnawing away at your remaining sanity, Jack would tug you wordlessly out into the driveway, buckle your seatbelt, and drive off into the night. Roof down, radio on, the cool breeze clearing your mind.

The only breeze you feel now blows in through an open window.

Pulling away from the diner, Jack turned the wheels south, out into the dark of the night. Trees wall the road in, a never ending sea of pine-green lit by headlights, the looming presence of a dark, dangerous, rumbling sky above. A storm brews ahead, awaiting the perfect moment to crack open and drop a downpour on the world. Little words have been exchanged between you, most of them spoken by Jack, as he tells you about the nightmare he had checking in at his hotel, and the difficulty he had finding the venue, and just how beautiful you look in your dress, tears tracks and messy hair aside. Softly playing over the radio, Billy Joel seems to speak to you, pleading that you slow down, you crazy child.

“D’you remember our trip to Vienna?”

Your head snaps over to Jack. His eyes remain on the road ahead, and a part of you is thankful, unsure of how you’d fare gazing into them as melancholy tangles itself in their shades of brown. The other part misses how it used to feel to catch him watching you from the driver’s seat, affection incarnate as his loving gaze burned heat into your cheeks, your own voice pleading him to pay attention to the road, the light’s already green, Jack!

“How could I forget you almost getting us kicked out of Saint Peter’s church?”

“Hey, now darlin’, let’s not start playin’ the blame game!” His head turns once in your direction, a teasing smile splashed upon his rosy lips. You try not to think about how you’ve felt that very smile pressed against your mouth, memorised the shape of it so perfectly you could draw it with your eyes shut. “You knew what you were doin’ wearin’ that pretty little sundress.”

The dress in question had been a purposeful attack, an attempt at getting payback for the night prior, in which Jack found pleasure in reducing you to tears, begging for release hour after hour, after hour of edging touches. Never the best at putting up a fight against his pouting lips, pleading eyes, and filthy tongue, you’d caved into his hands the moment they skimmed their way up the length of your thigh, the watchful eyes of any Lord above be damned.

“I still dream of the garden’s at Schönbrunn Palace,” a sigh floats out of you as your brain hits play on a kaleidoscope of memories of strolling the grounds, hand in hand with a man you’d imagined yourself being with for the rest of your life.

If I asked you to marry me, would you say yes? He’d asked, as you watched a couple get engaged before your very eyes.

Promise me we’ll get married here, and I’ll consider it.

“I still have nightmares of the boat.”

“The boat!” The patterns in the kaleidoscope shift into images of a viennan skyline reflected upon glassy waters, a city cruise dragging you down the canal. “I still can’t believe you fell off it!”

“I jumped.”

“Backwards? Just admit it, you fell into that water!”

“I jumped, to make you laugh!”

“Oh, don’t worry, me and the coast guard were definitely laughing!”

A silence settles between you both. Jack drums his fingers along to the closing notes of the song, your foot does the same. It crosses your mind that this, in itself, may very well be a dream. Sitting back in the Bronco, staring over at Jack as he drives you both into the aimless night. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s visited your dreams.

You watch him inhale, deeply. With a blink, his eyes reflect the moonlight, glassy with unfallen tears, the image of him too beautiful to be fiction. 

“Sometimes I wish we’d never left Vienna.”

His words cut you deep, the sorrow he speaks them with cuts you deeper. Barely a week back in your own home, suitcases still unpacked, pulling into the driveway hours after the unexpected funeral of a friend, you broke both your hearts.

All that goes up must come down and, in the very same place your relationship started, it ended. Sat across from him, rain beating down on the windows, tears trailing down your face. He begged you to stop before those words came out of your mouth, tried his best to switch the engine back on and pull out into the road. You’re just stressed, darlin’, he’d said, a deceptive whine in his voice cracking his straight-faced facade. Just need to clear your head, right? Lemme take ya for a drive. It was too late, your own hand curling back around the handle and forcing the door open, the water from outside flooding in. I’m sorry, I can’t be with you. Not anymore.

“Yeah,” you exhale, shaky. Swallowed emotions, a tight lipped smile, eyes that search for sanctuary out the window. “Me too.”

In the wing-mirror, lighting crashes amidst the sea of pine-green.

TRACK 2 — purple rain

A perfect summer’s storm.

Mother nature’s mid-June release of pent-up heat, making space amongst the skies for what’s yet to come in the scorching months of July and August, the last of any rain to be seen until September brings back the sombre skies and cooler weather. The rain falls heavily, a persistent thump-thump-thump of water that bounces off the car’s roof, bonnet, windows. In the sky, thunder roars an angry sound, each one louder than the last, followed by an even brighter flash of lighting that electrifies its surroundings, turning the black night into shades of violet, and midnight, and indigo, and purple.

“You’ve not bought any new albums? None at all?” The question comes as you flip through Jack’s collection of discs, a notable lack of change in his roster since the last time you’d sat in his car.

This lack of change is likely not without good reason, like the lack of time to go CD hunting between secret missions to save the world, or a general lack of interest in newer records. He’s always been a fan of the old fashion, after all, the home you’d once shared made up of collections of vintage whiskeys, and classic records, and faded wallpaper that he convinced you gave the kitchen charm.

“Nothin’ new since…” His eyes shift over your way, the look in them enough to wordlessly end his sentence. “You were always the one buyin’ me music. Said you didn’t want me get-”

“Getting bored on missions,” impulse seems to be what forces you to speak, an honest smile sent his way. “I remember.”

It had been a while into your relationship, with i-love-yous and apartment keys exchanged, until the truth of Jack’s job came up.

On your first date, he’d told you he was a businessman. A few dates later, he specified that he was an investor, dipping his fingers into the honey jar of some classically Texa whiskey distillery. Only a half lie, and not one that was hard to believe. Every fibre of his being, stitches and loose threads included, made sense as a man in the business of selling whiskey. The overzealous amount of Statesman whiskeys occupying the shelves in his apartment, the photos he’d send of the view from his high-rise office, the endless number of suits and ties that occupied his wardrobe, even his damn name, Jack Daniels. 

Then, out came the truth.

A phone call from one of Jack’s co-workers, Ginger, lasting no more than five minutes and of which only three words mattered: Jack’s been shot.

A bullet through his head. Any ordinary man would have died. Yet there was your Jack, eyes open, a measly bandage over his temple, and standing up-right. To your own credit, you managed to keep a grasp on your sanity long enough to drive him home, cook him dinner, and sit yourself down across from him at the table. But when he pricked his finger on the tip of his knife, the rivulet of blood dripping down his finger was enough to send you over the edge. Open mouthed sobs, hands clinging to him the instant he sank down on his knees at your side, tears staining every inch of his white cotton t-shirt.

You could’ve died, Jack.

Now how could I go dyin’, when I got such a pretty reason to live for?

You begged with questions, he promised with answers. Hands intertwining with your own, a gentle voice guiding you out the apartment, the soft slam of a car door closing. He turned the key in the ignition, pulled your hand up to his mouth for a kiss, and drove you both off into the night. Under the melodic fall of rain beating down on the car, you came to terms with three facts: Jack was involved in the business of selling whiskey; Jack was otherwise known as agent Whiskey, esteemed senior agent to the Statesmen secret intelligence agency; and Jack was not often shot- at least not in the head.

Arriving home that night, with the rain falling heavy on your front lawn, you’d tried your best to dash from the car and into the house but Jack had other plans. He’d gripped your hand, and pulled you close, and kissed you under the flash of lighting. And when you dared whine that your clothes were soaked, he held you tighter and let himself guide your body into a gentle sway, two lovers under the moonlight and the storm. That night had ended with a fatal promise from Jack, your limbs entangled upon a shared bed, his lips pressing into your forehead.

I promise I’ll always come home to you safe.

“Don’t need no discs anyway, already got all I need right here,” Jack’s impeccable timing, seemingly sensing the shift in your demeanour. It’s like he knows what you’re thinking about, and trying to drag you out of the past and back to the present, his fingers stretching over to turn the volume up. A familiar set of haunting chords plays over the radio, a grin instantly appearing on his face. “Shit, they even got Princ-”

“Stop the car.”

“Huh?”

“Just pull over, Jack!”

Despite the confusion, he abides by your words, foot pressing down on the break, hands steering the wheels off-road, fingers switch the car off. Without the hum of the engine, the rainfall grows louder, the view out the windscreen suddenly blocked behind a wall of flowing water. The radio plays on, the voice of an angel singing lyrics that so aptly match the purple shades painted across the sky by the storm above. There’s a cautious echo of your name, and, for a moment, it’s easy to forget this is the first time you’ve heard him actually say it in over a year. It feels like just yesterday he was calling out to you, begging with solutions you weren’t willing to give.

Your heart beats with a longing to escape your chest, hard and steady against the cage that is your ribs. Your eyes fill with emotions from the past and of the present, as every version of yourself that’s sat within this car comes together as one. Your hand curls around the silver grip of the door, pulling it open and lunging yourself out into the pouring rain.

Under the storm's wrath, you’re reborn. Baptised by mother nature, a soul cleansed of all its prior troubles, returned to you brand new and free of heartbreak. As the rain soaks your face, your neck, your dress, it washes all the pain away. Breathing easy, head tilted back, eyes closed. It's the feeling of being alive, an anomalous euphoria found only beneath a thunderous sky. The tears that dare fall here mean little, a known comfort that they’ll mix with the rain and be swept away.

Enthralled under the moonlight and barefoot, you drift on through the trees that line these woods, chasing the sweet promise of petrichor. You’re unsure if it comes from the sky, or the trees, or Jack, but something calls your name. A fallen tree trunk becomes your own personal tightrope as you dance over the length of it, one careful foot in front of the other, arms stretched out to the heavens above. All it takes is one misplaced step and you lose your footing, slipping over moss and bracing for impact that never arrives.

“Heaven to Betsy, darlin’!” Jack’s hands, warm as a summer breeze, catch you by the waist, your shoulder socking him square in the face as you fall back into his figure. He makes no complaint of pain, taking it like a champ and placing you back down on steady ground, upon unsteady feet. “Did’ya sneak a few extra whiskeys when I was takin’ a leak?”

You open your mouth to reply, to deny, but the rain comes to a stop, and the thunder no longer rumbles, and the moonlight breaks through the parting blanket of clouds, and you’re suddenly so aware of how close you both are.

Like his hands, do his lips still feel the same? Soft as a feather, pillowy as a cloud, as sweet as a peach? It’s not something a married woman should be thinking about another man, about the man another version of her had loved.

But you’re not a married woman, are you?

Wet to the bone, it's as if your wedding dress has shrunk, possessive linen meant to warn you away from leaning forward till your face meets his.

“Careful where you point those eyes, sweetheart. Don’t go givin’ me a reason to make a dishonest woman out of you.” His warning only makes you want to lean in more, test just how dishonest he’s willing to make you, in a dress you wore for another man, upon a forest floor covered by moss, and mud, and rainfall.

He’s stepping back and holding out his hand before you can even try, saving you the trouble of mixing up your head even more. 

Careful steps back to his car, where the radio plays on as Prince’s voice slowly fades out. The headlights are back on, the key sits in the ignition, and you half wonder just how quickly he chased after you, abandoning his precious car so carelessly at the side of a darkened country road, free for any Tom, Bill, or Sally to claim for themselves.

“You’re lucky I got spare clothes in the back,” Jack’s voice echoes out from where he stands, bent at the waist, and rummaging through the floor of the back seats. You want to think he’s not going this on purpose, putting himself on display so obviously, but it feels easier on your conscience to blame him for your own inability to stray your eyes away from how snugly the soaked dress pants hug his behind. “Ain’t no hope in hell I’d let you in my car, all drippin’ wet.”

“You never used to complain about me being wet in your car.”

It’s a quickfire response, the kind you don’t quite get the chance to think over before you say it. Though it may shock your own ears to hear, it seems to shock poor Jack more, the smack with which his head hits against the car’s roof loud enough that you almost feel it in your skull.

You rush over to his side, dress dragging through more mud, and more leaves, and more broken gravel. No chance to even rest your hand upon his arm, Jack’s already pulled himself out the car to face you, a splash of pink brewing across his cheeks and a hand soothing over the back of his head. In the backseats, his hat lays abandoned, knocked off in the commotion.

“Can’t just be sayin’ things like that, darlin’,” he says as he holds out a change of clothes for you, smugness in his voice yet a shake in his hand. “Not unless you’re tryin’ to give old Jack over here a heart attack.”

In silence, you both turn your back on each other. Jack does so in spare of your modesty, and you, in search of someplace dry to lay down his clothes. You do so upon the passenger seat, hands immediately contorting every manner of way they can to reach the dress’ buttons that span down the length of your spine, each more finicky than the last. You manage to free only two, in the very centre, before you sigh and wonder if the entrapment you feel in the white gown could get any more literal than this.

“Jack,” it only feels right to seek out his aid, you tell yourself, the sooner the buttons are undone, the sooner the dress will be off, the sooner you’ll be changed, and the sooner you’ll both get back on the road again, destination unknown. It only makes sense, really, so who could blame you when you say, “come help me out my dress.”

No reply comes your way.

At first, you think he’s not heard you. Then, you worry that he has, and is choosing to ignore such a request, thinking it best he keeps his hands away from any act that involves undressing you. Then, fear that you’ve given him that heart attack after all. Fingers brush wet hair off your shoulders before you can turn to check on the cowboy.

Cicadas scream out into the night, and some faceless host rants over the car radio about the rising conspiracy theory of spycams in childrens’ toys, and your heart beats louder than any set of drums could ever hope, but all you can hear is the steady breaths Jack pulls in and blows out behind you, so close you feel each exhale brush your skin. His fingers do so too, with each button they pop loose, each inch of skin he reveals.

Before you can ask him to touch you with more than just his mouth and breath, his own voice fills your ears.

“I used to dream about doin’ this someday.”

“I think we both know this isn’t the first time you’ve gotten a girl out her dress, Jack.”

“Is your mind ever anywhere but the damn gutter?” A pinch delivered against your left side, a chastising tsk accompanying his words. “I meant that I dreamt about this, me helpin’ you take your weddin’ dress off.”

There’s an audible hitch in your breath, one that perfectly tells Jack everything your own voice seems to fail to. Air stings at your eyes, yet you refuse to blink, too aware of the tears building within them. His warm hands dance back up your spine as the final button is loosened, tracing slowly over skin he’d once memorised, a missionary returning to the land it once knew.

Your dress falls to the floor.

“‘Course I never thought I’d be doin’ it on the side of the road, but beggars can’t be choosers.”

TRACK 3 — lover you should’ve come over

“Wait, are these pyjama pants?”

The realisation dawns upon you twenty minutes after you hit the road again. Confined to the small space of the Bronco with little to look at— besides Jack, his clothes still damp and smelling of summer rain, a towel laid over his seat— you’ve resorted to the finer details, picking apart the scraps of clothing he’d handed you. A plain white t-shirt that, when paired with one of his tight-fitting jeans and a corduroy-lined leather bomber jacket, becomes a Jack Daniels staple. You find it best to ignore how it smells of campfire, and sweat, and the cologne you’d bought Jack on your last anniversary. He’s paired it with a pair of blue chequered pyjama pants, loose-fitting yet tied securely around your waist by a fraying draw-string.

“Took myself and the old gal up to Alaska a few weeks back, chasin’ after a view of the Northern Lights.” There’s a flash of something hot, bright, green as you register his words, myself and the old gal, tamed and dampened only when you remember that’s what Jack calls the Bronco, his old gal. “I was livin’ out my car the whole trip, figured it was easier than trynna find some inn out in the middle of the Alaskan woods. In fact, if you check down there, pretty sure you’ll find some uneaten energy bars I packed for the trip.”

He seems to point aimlessly down at a space around your legs, hand back on the wheel and guiding the wheels around a harsh bend before you can truly pinpoint what he’s referring to. You settle on the glove compartment, sitting upright and reaching a hand out to pop it open.

Then you remember what it houses, the weapons Jack carries in there. The lasso, the whip, the pistol, the bullets. A sickness burns your throat, your eyes unable to even glance down at the opened compartment, instead searching for Jack’s own eyes that stare back with equal amounts of surprise.

“I forgot those were in there.” He steals the words right out your own mouth, a nervous chuckle following them. You’d known to never touch the dreaded compartment, for your own sake, too eager to forget about the parts of him that made him an agent, the parts of him that put him in danger. “You can read ‘em, if you want. They were written for you anyway.”

Confusion floods the soul, curiosity winning over survival and dictating that you muster the courage to turn your head, take a peak at what sits inside the glove box. When you do look, you find there’s no whip nor pistol, no piece of Agent Whiskey in sight. What is there are the energy bars he’d promised, a hiking guidebook of sorts, a map, and a stack of wrinkled envelopes.

One glance back at Jack, he encourages you to take them with a nod, and so, you do. Feel the weight of them all in your hands, do your best to not drop any as you pull them out onto your lap. They scatter all over you, each a different shade of white, unopened and all sporting a red return to sender stamp. All appear addressed to the same place, and it takes only a moment of wondering why it seems so familiar for you to realise.

It’s your old address.

“They’re all labelled with dates, I wrote the first one a few weeks after you left. Wasn’t sure where you’d moved to, I figured there was a chance you’d gone back to your old place. I never forgot about how much you loved that apartment,” he says, and you did. Leaving it behind had been hard, the first real home you’d made for yourself since moving out of your parent’s place, the first space you made your own in the world. The idea of making a new space with Jack, a place you could build together, share together, had outweighed the pain of saying goodbye to your little one-bed apartment. “Wrote the second one because you didn’t reply, and I was missin’ you. Then I just kept writin’ em, and sendin’ em, and waitin’ on you writin’ back, even if just to tell me to get lost. I got a note back, along with the letters, but it wasn’t from you. Some older couple moved in to your old place, told me they’d been keepin’ em all safe incase you ever came round to collect your old mail, but they figured it was time I stopped writin’ to a ghost.”

Attentive to his every word, you search for the letter with the earliest date. Sent two weeks after things ended, with a colourful stamp and a seal that’s slightly opened at the edges, the glue’s hold loosening with time and neglect. You tear it open completely and unfold the sheets of paper found within, eyes drawn immediately three quarters down the page.

I saw our friends tonight for the first time since you left. They asked how you’re doing and where you were. I thought they were just being cruel at first but no, they didn’t know about the break up. I told them you weren’t feeling well, that you decided to stay home tonight. I guess I just wanted one more night where you were still mine, even if it was just in the eyes of our friends. I will tell the truth next time I see them.

You feel as though you’re invading his privacy, reading over words he’d written months ago, despite being the intended audience. That doesn’t mean you have the willpower to stop, however, eyes diving deeper down the page.

Or maybe I won’t have to tell them. Maybe, next time I see them, you’ll have come home. There’s still a chance for us. I believe it because I love you. You said this wasn’t something we can fix. I think you’re wrong. There’s never been an issue we couldn’t solve by talking it through, why should this one be any different? Let’s get coffee, darling. Our usual place, our usual time, next Tuesday. We can get through this, you just have to let me know it’s something you want, that I’m something you still want. 

Jack’s quiet in the driver’s seat, forgiving with the time he gives you to read over his letters. When the turning of pages and the ripping of envelopes rings too heavy in the car, your shoulders tensing up in a discomfort of disrupting the peaceful silence, he wordlessly turns the radio back up and the voice of Jeff Buckley greets you both.

You return to his letters, the second he’d sent already open in your palm.

I went to our usual spot. You never showed up. Your lack of reply to my letter should have been enough to tell me that, but I still had hope. Maybe I really am a fool. Our friends seem to think so. I told them about us and they immediately asked what I’d done wrong. There was no answer I could give them. The worst thing isn’t just that I’ve lost you, it’s that I don’t even know why.

You open the next envelope, and the next one, and the next one, paragraphs melting together into a heartbroken shape.

I tried to sleep in our bed. I lasted half an hour before crawling back to the guest room.  Our room just feels too empty without you. I smell you everywhere no matter how many new sheets I buy.

Eggsy and Tilde got married. It’s the first wedding I’ve been to without you. I’m doing a lot of firsts without you recently. I hate it. Our friends (am I wrong to call them our friends? I’m not ready to just call them mine) tried setting me up with someone new. They showed me a picture and she’s beautiful, but I just kept comparing her to you. Against your beauty, she’s nothing.

Your mother was at the Statesman ground tour today. I was surprised to see her, she already done the tour years ago. I tried not to talk about you too much, I didn’t want her knowing how desperate I am to hear about you. Congratulations on your promotion, I always knew you’d get it. I’m so proud of you for finally applying for it. I heard you’ve started seeing somebody, a veteran turned mechanic. Your mother was kind enough to give me his name. I hope you understand that I don’t want to invade your privacy but I had to make sure you’re safe. The guy’s got a clean slate, other than a sketchy trip down to South America with some other vets. He seems like a good man. I want you to get your happy ending. Are you happy? I’m not. 

Only one envelope remains unopened. The weight of it sits heavy in your lap, a fear settling in that has you not wanting to open it. You study the front of it, find out it was mailed three months ago. The radio moves in sync with you, it seems, the song that plays reaching its climatic moment at the same time as you do, tearing open the final letter. Next to you, Jack clears his throat and wrings his hands over the steering wheel.

This last one, you read the letter in full.

Darling girl,

Spring came faster this year. The daffodils you planted bloomed in early March. I’ve been tending to the garden, I know how much love you put into it. The flowers are coming up alright, the fruit and vegetables not so much. If only I had your green thumb.

I visited Tequila last week. I don’t know if it’s right to call him that anymore. Champ’s still not named his successor, part of me thinks he wants to retire it. That’s not what Tequila would’ve wanted. He would’ve wanted Ginger taking on the mantle. The grounds he’s on are beautiful, if not sombre. They overlook a lake, and the grass is cut everyday, and the sun shines on his grave from sunrise to sunset. I didn’t say much to him, just sat and enjoyed the view. Thought about a lot of things, and finally realised why you left.

You were scared. For me. I thought you were being selfish, breaking my heart like that, but I finally understand how awful that day must’ve been for you. We’d just buried my comrade, our friend, and you had to watch Tequila’s wife say her last goodbye, knowing it was almost me in that casket and you on the podium. That was my mission he went on, I could’ve been the one who didn’t come home to the woman I love.

I’m sorry I took so long to understand. I retired from my position at Statesman. I’m agent Whiskey no more. I’m coming to find you, and hope you give me one last real try at fixing us.

Love always,

your Jack.

“Your wedding invitation found me first,” Jack says, foot off the accelerator, eyes off the road, hands on the wheel.

The weight of his stare drags down to your lap, where the heap of papers now all sit, piled atop one another and rustling with every movement you make. Your own eyes have welled with tears that slip down the apples of your cheeks and splash the papers below, smudging the ink.

The confirmation of his invite knocks out the questions of how he wound up in the pews.

“I didn’t invite you,” you’re unsure if the truth is crueller than fiction. No part of you wants him to think you’d be so spiteful, so hurtful as to invite him to a day you’d once promised to share together. “I didn’t invite anyone. I was… busy, with work. My mom dealt with the invites, she must’ve written you down by accident.”

Your lips may be the ones to say it, but your own ears struggle to believe. Your mother’s always been a meticulous woman, practical, with her affairs eternally in order. The only mistakes she makes are the ones she means to.

“Yeah,” Jack sighs out from the driver’s seat, resignation in his voice. “I figured you didn’t invite me.”

TRACK 4 — 50 ways to leave your lover

Jack drives deeper into the night.

Out the car window, you watch as the world flies by, a blur of unlit trees and unmarked road signs. Earlier’s storm has rolled away and revealed the blanket of stars above, twinkling alongside a full moon. The road is long, and winding, and seemingly never ending. There’s no discussion of destination, no sanctuary you’re waiting to reach. You feel no urgency for it, either. So long as you sit right where you are, passenger in a car, you don’t have to take the wheel, you don’t have to choose where to go, or what to do. You can just exist within this liminal space, where no wedding lies in the balance and no hearts lay broken.

It’s just you and Jack, like the old days, going for a drive.

“Ask me,” permission comes off your tongue as you observe the driver and his less than subtle glances your way. “I can see the wheels turning in your head. Everything you wanted to know in the diner, I promise I’ll answer this time.”

“I guess I’m tryin’ to put myself in your shoes, figure out what was runnin’ through that pretty head of yours,” Jack is, at his core, a gentleman. For hours, he’s let you sit beside him, biting his own tongue and fighting back his own curiosity, a trait so vital to his existence it led him into a world of spies, and guns, and movie-esque kinds of evil. Even now, with your promised approval, he eases his way into his questioning, the part of him that knows you better than your own self dictating that this is something he must address with care.  “How’d you do it?”

“I just slipped out the back, Jack,” there’s a chuckle of sorts that welcomes itself out the depths of Jack’s chest, your choice of words going hand in hand with that of the Paul Simon record reaching its end over the radio. As quick as the humour appears, it goes, leaving nothing but the unfortunate reality of the situation. “Someone left a door open, it led out onto the back gardens. The further away I got, the faster I started to run. I made it all the way past the highway on foot before an older couple pulled over. They dropped me off at a diner, and that’s where I stayed until-”

“Until I found you,” it’s a reminder you shouldn’t want, the image of Jack setting off to find you in the midst of the commotion of a missing bride. It’s not healthy for your poor psyche, already at odds with what it wants, no need for further complications brought on by unresolved feelings. You can’t help but smile at him, however, no filter strong enough to cover your subconscious’ joy. “Why did you run away?”

Your smile fades.

The promise you made is already at threat of being broken. You thought there’d be more questions, more time until he hit you with the heaviest of them all.

Why did you run away?

You know the answer. Of course you’ve known the answer, from the moment you decided to turn on your heel and sprint down the halls, in search of an escape. As much as you can pretend otherwise, and feign naivete, you can’t change the truth. That doesn’t mean you’re ready to admit it out loud, and so you refute it with a question of your own: “Why did you come to the wedding?”

It would be easy to forgive Jack for getting irate when faced with your avoidant response. He doesn’t even acknowledge it. Instead, he spins the steering wheel and shoots you a smile, the kind that used to keep you warm at night.

“I wasn’t goin’ to come at first,” comes his admittance. You can’t say you blame him, really, a picture of yourself in his shoes, receiving an invite to his wedding. The thought conjures a painful throb from your heart. “Nearly tossed the damn thing into the fireplace when I got it. A few weeks later, I met with Champ for a drink. Drank myself blind, till I started tellin’ him all about the invite. He told me I had to come.”

A lift of your eyebrows, a snap of your head towards him. There’s a desire to have his full attention on you. There’s also the awareness that the road acts as a buffer for the tensing heartache that swells and lulls between you, each exchange of words a game of painful chess. You make the choice to bring forth a pawn this once, a simple why?

“He said I’ve been livin’ with life on pause since you left, maybe watchin’ you marry another man would be the thing to help me hit play at last.”

INTERLUDE — go your own way

Like tires upon gravel, time rolls on.

No matter how easy it is to forget about the world outside, look out the window and pretend you’re simply on a train, trapped in a constant onward motion, there’s no ignoring the orange glow that begins to grow on the horizon, nor the red lights on the car radio that read 05:38. A new day grows fast upon you and, where you remain mute to it, Jack can not allow the fantasy to go on any longer.

The tires screech against the gravel and everything comes to a stop.

“Thinkin’ time’s up, sweetheart,” his hands retreat from the wheel, finding purchase on his thighs. You try not to follow their descent over the tailored suit, try not to think about the thick muscles that sit hidden beneath the black trousers. It’s not your place to think about them anymore. “Where are you goin’?”

Decision has never been something you’ve struggled with, much less when the choices are so simple and limited. Either you go back to the wedding venue, and meet whatever fate awaits you of scornful mothers, and disappointed fathers, and abandoned fiances. Or, you can go anywhere.

You make a mistake, let your mind wander to places it shouldn’t, and end up asking yourself where will Jack go. He still lives in the home you once shared, this you know. Will he go there, pour himself a drink, and try to forget this night even happened?

You can still picture it all. The coffee table Jack hand-carved, both your initials engraved on the side. The picture frames all along the wall, a mural of memories shared between you. The matching set of mugs, eternally sitting on the drying board, waiting for Jack to stagger his way down the stairs and fill them with boiling coffee. If you walked through that door again, would you find everything just the way you left it? Or, has he gotten a new table, changed the pictures in the frames, bought new mugs? Is there someone there, right now, sleeping in his bed and waiting on his return?

A bitter taste overcomes your tongue at the thought, your insides twisting up like you’ve not spent the past few months sleeping next to someone else and saying yes to proposals you weren’t expecting.

“What do you think I should do?” You don’t want him to tell you to go home, you want him to say come home.

“You can’t ask that of me. My answer’s gonna be nothin’ but selfish.” Would it really be so bad, you wish to ask, if Jack was selfish? Maybe life would be easier if he was. He clears his throat, like he clears his mind, and gone is your moment to tell him you want selfish. “I can say this, though… Your fiance’s a good man, a kind man. Kind enough to trust your parents words and let me, a stranger, go searchin’ for you. He deserves to know what decision you make. It ain’t just your weddin’, it’s his too.”

He’s right, and you hate it.

There’s no way you can tell him now that you were even contemplating not going back, of disappearing into the sunrise with him, driving till life leads you down the right roads to find a new home, your old home, Jack.

The muddied wedding dress seems to call to you from the car boot, a whispering of your name that tells you to put it back on, go back, and walk down that aisle. You owe that much to your fiance, if he’ll still have you. With him, you’ve never had to worry about him coming home safe. With him, you could live a happy enough life, keep yourself busy enough to ignore all the what-ifs your mind would try seduce you with.

Besides, that’s what Jack needs, right? To see you marry another man, a final nail in the coffin named us, so he can finally move on with his life. You owe him that much, at least.

With a nod of your head and the straightening of your spine, you set your choice in stone, “drive me back to him, Jack.”

The engine shudders to life and the radio sets itself back on course, some upbeat voice that demands you go your own way, a musical slap delivered upon your face. Jack turns the steering wheel, rerouting the car’s course with an effortless u-turn before he presses down on the accelerator, propelling you forward down the paths you’ve already travelled.

You tell yourself you’re doing the right thing, even if a familiar dread starts to settle in the pit of your stomach, brushing them off as rational nerves. Who wouldn’t be anxious when facing a man they left at the altar?

A yawn escapes you.

“We’re a few hours out from the chateau.” There’s something in his voice that weighs on him, the tone between you shifting to something of desperation. Goodbye is a few hours away. This time, for good. “Sleep, it’s late.”

“Aren’t you tired?” Pull over, you want to say. Let’s sleep. The wedding can wait a few more hours.

How unfortunate that he cannot read your thoughts, understand the intentions behind your staring as you recline your chair, turn to face him on your side, hands crossed protectively over your abdomen.

One blink, and your eyes are already fighting to stay open, dragging you down into the depths of slumber.

“I’m fine. Don’t sleep much these days anyway,” the sound of Jack’s voice fades slowly into the background, melting away with the hum of the engine, and the turn of the wheels, and the voice on the radio. “Never got used to the feeling of an empty bed.”

TRACK 5 — i’m on fire

When your eyes next open, the sun’s warmth is caressing your face.

The sound of children’s laughter fills the air, and the smell of smoke fills your lungs, and the feeling of resting against Jack’s shoulder fills you with dread. Fearful to move, you take in all of him that you can see from this angle.

There’s no suit upon him, replaced with the casualness of a cotton t-shirt and a pair of faded denims. The hat’s back on his head, the curls of ungelled hair that peak through dry as a bone. A cigarette rests neatly between fingers on his left hand, the right one grasping at the neck of a beer bottle. No wheel sits in front of him, no gear shift keeps space between you. The Bronco’s been replaced with the view of your parent’s backyard and the comfort of a well cushioned outdoor couch.

You know this memory.

You’ve lived this memory.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” just like you remember, Jack’s stubbing out the half-smoked cigarette the moment he notices your open eyes. “How you feelin’?”

“Like my uterus is trying to carve its way out of me,” your mouth plays along with the dream, speaking the same words it had years ago.

“That good, huh?” A beer stained kiss meets the corner of your mouth, another follows up to your forehead, as Jack’s free hand reaches into his pocket, reemerging with silver foil between two fingers. “Got these off your mother. Let me go get you somethin’ to eat, then you can take two, hm?”

You remember thinking that you love him. You didn't dare speak it, however, simply nodding as you took the blister packet of paracetamol out his offering grasp and uncurled your legs back down onto the floor, stretching your arms. Jack bends down, presses his lips against the crown of your head, and then he’s off, venturing over to where your father stands grilling another round of burgers on the barbeque.

Jack’s always been a confident man. He carries himself with a head held high and a careless smile on his face, no chip on his shoulder and no flare for anger in his bones. A southern gentleman, who knows his own charms and, most dangerously, how to use them. Place him alone with your father, however, and watch how he crumbles like a house of cards. To the untrained eye, it’s unnoticeable, but you don’t miss the glances he spies your father with each time he throws out a joke, nor the way his hands can never seem to relax, a nervous tic of drumming against his thighs or balling into fists as he makes conversation with the older man. He’s desperate for the approval of your monotonous father, so desperate he fails to see he won it months ago, 

“Eat up, drink up, you need it,” he says as he hands you the paper plate, and his half-drunk bottle of beer. He settles back down on the couch, pulling you into him once more. “Your old man was sayin’ we should probably head off soon, ‘fore it gets too late. Think he’s startin’ to warm up to me, he’s even worryin’ bout me drivin’ in the dark.”

“Oh, he loves you,” you take a bite, break two of the pills out their casing, wash them down with a swig of bitter beer. The summer sun burns in the corners of your eyes, forcing them into a squint. “He kept looking for you at the dinner table at my mom’s birthday, you should’ve seen his reaction when I told him you were stuck in New York slaving away in your office.”

Months later, you’d come to find out he wasn’t in New York, surrounded by mountains of paperwork, but somewhere in the south of France, hunting down some billionaire wine-maker with plans to poison the crops of surrounding vineyards, leaving only his wine safe to consume.

In your memory, Jack plucks the hat off his own head and rests it gently upon your own, a shaded barrier against the bright light in the sky. You thank him, he watches on quietly as you continue to eat, gaze not peeling itself away from you the whole time.

“What? Do I have ketchup on my face? Or, in my hair?” You’d asked him, mid-chew. No answer, more staring. Panic made a debut in your mind, suddenly alert to his unusual behaviour. “Wait, is it a bug? Jack, is there a bug in my hair?”

“I love you.”

No build up, no grand-speech, no overly romantic setting.

He said it like one shares the weather, or the time, or what they’re wanting for lunch. He said it like it was something he always said, would always say, despite it being the very first time you’d heard him do so. Tears had flown in quickly, your hormones already gone haywire with the unexpected arrival of shark week earlier that morning. There’s a vague assurance that you told him you loved him too, through tears, and he teased your weepy face with kisses down your cheeks and full-chested laughter.

“Bless your cotton socks, my sweet girl, cryin’ all cause old Jack says-”

“Tell me now baby, is he good to you?”

You jolt awake.

Jack’s by your side, suit on, hair air dried, one hand on the wheel, the other rests out the window. The roof is down, letting the sun shine on you and his caramel eyes. An old Springstein song plays in the background, the very same thing that coaxed you awake. Just like the dream, he takes a few minutes to notice your opened eyes, head turning your way as another car shoots off ahead of you both, overtaking him.

“You were mumblin’ in your sleep. Were you dreamin’ of somethin’ sweet?”

“I was,” too quick comes your reply. Too honest. Nerves have you stumbling over words, scrambling to pick them off the floor of your mind and spew out the first thing that doesn’t involve Jack and his easy-going professions of love. “About the first time my fiance told me he loves me.”

You regret it as soon as you speak, the visible halt to his smile. He overcorrects it, forcing a grin that stretches the corners of his mouth so tight it almost looks painful. “Well, c’mon, don’t go keepin’ it to yourself!”

“He, uh, wrote it in the sky.”

“How romantic. Pricey too, I bet.”

“It was his best man who did it, an ex military pilot.”

As you try to reminisce on the day, little memories blossom in your mind. Instead of vivid motion capture, the day is black and white, no sound. You don’t remember where you were, what he was wearing, how you felt when you read those words up above.

It happened only two months into your relationship, that you do remember. You also remember being parked in your old neighbourhood the night before, twenty minutes spent trying to will yourself to go knock on the door to your old home. The Bronco was in its usual spot, parked outside. No lights were on as you pulled away and willed yourself back to rational thinking.

“Jeez, if that’s how he’s tellin’ you he loves you, I can’t imagine how he proposed.”

You wonder if this is as tortuous for him as it is for you, listening to you detail the life you’d gone on to live just months after walking away from five years of love. “In a restaurant,” you can’t remember the name, or what you ate, or what you wore, as if the memory is one that doesn’t belong to you, never belonged to you. “I ordered dessert, ‘will you marry me?’ was written on it in cherry sauce.”

“You must’ve said yes immediately.”

“I did.”

You leave out the part where the whole restaurant had watched him get down on one knee, or the part where you rushed to the restroom right after accepting the ring, spewing your guts out in a stall. By morning, you told yourself it was fine, you were just feeling nervous. 

After all, you loved him enough to spend time with him, so why not spend the rest of your life with him?

TRACK 6 — she’s always a woman

It had been too easy to forget the thing you loved most about road trips with Jack.

It wasn’t his constant commentary of interesting facts on sites you’d drive past, or his love for taking the long-way to anywhere and everywhere, or his ever-present need to drag your hand up to his lips with every few miles.

The thing you loved most was listening to his voice, unfiltered, unashamed, outloud, singing along to his favourite songs. The voice of a crooning angel and the shyness of a bashful fox. Every so often, when he’d catch you watching him a little too fondly as he sang along, he’d throw in a voice crack, or twist up a lyric into a sickly innuendo.

In the present, it’s you who interrupts his spirited rendition of a Billy Joel classic.

“You were right, in the letters,” the leather of your seat squeaks as you fix your posture, sit yourself up straight if only to force yourself to stop observing the way his lips fall into a natural pout and, instead, focus on memorising the licence plate that drives ahead. “I’m sorry.”

“Right about what?” As though nothing has changed, his hand extends towards your own, effortlessly intertwining your fingers, beginning an ascent to his mouth before mind takes over instinct and he’s letting you go, setting you free.

You give up on the licence plate ahead, turn your face once more towards Jack and his pouty lips.

“I couldn’t be with Agent Whiskey anymore.” A relationship made up of a man, a woman, and an agent. Whiskey would kiss you goodbye in the morning, while Jack would be the one to come home to you. With the passing of time, three became a crowd, and so you removed yourself. “I didn’t want to break your heart, Jack, I swear. But I also didn’t want to let you break mine. And you did, every time you walked out of our home and left me wondering if you’d ever come back. Then, when Tequila… You loved your job. You loved being Agent Whiskey. How could I ask you to leave that part of you behind?”

“Darlin’ if you think there’s any world where losin’ you was easier than losin’ Whiskey, you’re out of your mind.” Like his first I love you, he speaks words that flow out of him as easily as an exhale, as though they carry no weight to them. As though they do not momentarily flip your world on its axis and have you wishing he’d turn the car around, driving you both off into the forever you never got.

Yet another car overtakes the Bronco, its driver angrily pressing on his horn. You both continue to ignore the speed at which Jack drives. Up ahead, everything you’ve been dreading comes into view, an unmissable billboard. Clearview Manor.

50 miles to go. 50 miles till goodbye. 

“I’m hungry.”

“Those energy bars should still be in there, if you’re wantin’-”

“Jack, I’m hungry,” you say it louder, hoping he’ll pick up what you’re laying down.“Can’t we stop somewhere for breakfast?”

His answer comes in the form of a left blinker switching on, wheels cutting over gravel and carrying you off the main road. Then, as if to break your heart some more than his last declaration, he turns to you. “If it had been me waitin’ on you at the end of the aisle, would you have ran?”

You try to picture it.

Jack, in his suit and tie, hands clasped behind his back to keep him from drumming nervous fingers over his thighs, eyes brimming with tears as you take your first step down the aisle. Would the panic have settled in? Would you have felt that same wrongness as when you’d been sneaking a peak at your fiance waiting down the aisle?

Would you have ran?

“It’s not something I planned, y’know? Running. I didn’t think it was even an option,” you’re laying your final card on the table, a truth you couldn't bring yourself to admit earlier at last coming out to play. You’re unsure if it dismisses or further condemns you for your runaway crimes. “I took a peak, at the ceremony hall, while waiting for my father. I needed to see what I was about to walk into. I guess I thought the nerves were just from that, the unknown. Then I saw you, a few rows from the back. At first I thought I was hallucinating, that you were just a man who happened to be wearing a cowboy hat. But then I saw my mum pulling you in for a hug, and I caught a glimpse of your face. That’s why I ran. I couldn’t… marry another man, not with you standing in the crowd.”

“You’ve not answered my question,” it’s the first you’ve seen Jack put his foot down since he dragged you out the diner, the seriousness etched into his frowning forehead and stamped onto his lips. “Would you have ran?”

“No.”

Jack just keeps driving.

TRACK 7 — dancing in the dark

“You can’t be serious!”

Squeezed into the corner booth of a dingy, run-down bar, you and Jack sit across from one another, digging into a stack of pancakes lathered in maple syrup.

The bartender and two of his patrons glance at you both every so often, and you have to wonder how odd a pair you and Jack must make. One dressed to the nines, if you ignore the dried mud at the bottom of his dress pants and his loosening tie, the other wearing yesterday’s make-up paired with cotton pyjama pants. You prefer it to the stares you’d gained in your wrinkled gown.

“Deadly. I’m a serious tap-dancin’ student,” his fork stabs into the fluffy goodness, dragging it along the plate, soaking the pancake in as much syrup as possible. You try not to think of mornings that used to be spent like this, sitting at your own table, flour in his hair and eggshells in your own, both of you ignoring the disastrous mess in the kitchen begging to be cleaned as you tuck into your homemade pancakes. “Retirement breeds weird hobbies.”

“Before long, you’ll be playing bingo at the old folks home.”

“I just have to ask, I really do,” a dread you haven’t felt since stepping out the car— with the help of Jack and his offering hand, the other holding your door open— creeps back in. You don’t want to talk about your own current reality, not when it’s been so easy to pretend none of the wedding fiasco happened and, instead, you’re simply catching up with Jack after bumping into each other in this bar.  “This fiance of yours… is he bigger than me?”

As quick as it inflates, the tension pops. 

“Oh my god, Jack!” You laugh, a little too loudly, and dip your head as other tables turn their heads your way.

“What?”

“You did not just ask me that.”

“Oh, but I did.”

“You can’t just say things like that!” In mock surrender, he throws his hands up. Your own grab ahold of your knife and fork once more, an ironclad focus on the near-empty plate as you will the shameful heat away from your face, mumbling over your words. “But, no, he isn’t bigger. Happy?”

“You’ve no idea.” As though you’re being haunted by music, a song begins to play over the speakers. You’re not the only one who takes notice, Jack’s eyes lighting up with a devious look, his legs already rising out of his seat. “Think that’s our queue, darlin’.”

“Sit back down.”

“Oh, c’mon now, don’t be so uptight,” he lays out his hand, begging for you to place your own in it. Flashes of a memory, six years back, the very same song playing as the very same man attempted to coax a dance out of you. “One dance, sweetheart, then I’ll leave you in peace.”

Just like your younger self, you’re incapable of resisting his baby cow eyes, letting him guide you out onto a makeshift dance floor before it’s too late to run back and hide in your seat, the eyes of strangers already piercing you with their questioning stares. If you weren’t deemed a strange pair with your attire alone, you certainly are now, feet stumbling awkwardly along with Bruce Springstein.

“This song was playin’ when we met,” he says it like you don’t know, like you don’t remember, like you aren’t replaying that night as you speak, pretending you’re both in that same crowd of swaying bodies, young, and naive, and on the cusp of experiencing the greatest love you’ll ever know, rather than here, on an empty dance floor, stumbling blindly through the hardships of holding each other so close, mutually aware you’re dancing on borrowed time and, soon, you’ll have to go. “Knowin’ now how it ends, if I was sent back in time, I’d still ask you to dance. I’d do it all again.”

“This gun’s for hire, even if we’re just…”

He spins you, drags you closer, sways you. It’s far less care-free than the first dance you shared, no alcohol to dull the shame and a whole lot of history packed between your bodies.

The first dance had been the thing you had dreaded most about your wedding, dancing with your husband, to a whole room of loved ones watching. Dancing now with Jack— even through all the embarrassment you feel as an elderly couple point over at you— feels easier, less daunting, so much so that you can’t help the way you start to laugh, arms loosening around his shoulders, hips moving less abashedly.

The two of you inch closer, and closer, and closer as the song reaches its end. Like a happy couple finishes their first dance, Jack’s mouth lands atop yours.

A gentle kiss, innocent of sin, it begs you to give back, to press your own mouth against his. You answer its calling, hand clasping at the back of his neck, holding him safely against you, less he drifts away and reveals this all to have been a dream, a nightmare, a delusion. Like coming home after a cold winter’s day, his kiss is the comfort of knowing you’re exactly where you belong.

And it’s absolutely terrifying.

You rip away from him, flashes of your fiance’s face blinding you as you stumble off, doing what you do best: running away. You miss the way the patrons all go back to their own drinks, and the way a new song comes on, and the way Jack chases after you, stopped only by the slamming of a bathroom door.

You come up for air when you find yourself faced with the image you paint in the mirror.

Never has there been a more heartbroken girl, eyes a mess of tears, and faded eyeliner, and smudged mascara, hair a nest fit enough for any bird to build its home in, body draped in the clothing of an ex-lover. It’s almost as frightening as the image you made yesterday, wedding gown freshly laced and make-up pristinely done.

A knock rings against the door. 

It’s followed by a gentle call of your name.

You switch on the tap, welcome the cold splash of water over your face. Pray that, if you scrub hard enough, you’ll wipe away the taste of him, forget the shape of his touch, purge yourself of the desire to follow anywhere he may go. Your hand slips down your face, the dim bathroom light catches on something.

Your engagement ring, a tight shackle that binds you to someone else, reminds you of the closure you owe to Jack.

He calls your name again.

“Darlin’,” it’s muffled behind the door, but the regret in his voice is all too clear. “I just got caught up, I’m sorry. Come on out and we’ll get back on the road-”

The hinges creak as the door opens, only a crack, and your hand shoots out, grabbing a hold of Jack’s tie before you can will yourself to be rational.

He lets you invade his space with little protest, mouths returning to the dance they never got to complete. Hands move, slipping off ties, and undoing draw strings, and locking doors. There’s a mumble, are you sure, followed by a moan, please.

All hope of forgetting his skin is lost, a leg hooked around his waist, fingers tangled in his hair. He bites at your neck, and kisses along your jaw, and pants into your ear, all the while his hips rock back and forth against your own, filling you inch by inch. Mouth covered by your own hand, muffling a cry of his name as you feel him brush against that spine-tingling spot inside you. Your head falls back, eyes slip shut. Jack’s quick to rectify it.

“Watch, darlin’,” he whispers, a hand tilting your eyes down to where your two bodies meet. “ Want you to see how perfectly your lil’ pussy takes me.”

You do as he says, hypnotised by the sight of his cock, glistening in your own arousal, sawing in and out of you, each thrust deeper than the last.  

“He can’t fuck you like this, can he?” Despite his ego-fueled words, there’s a desperation in his voice, a soul lost in a sea of darkness, searching for a life jacket. “Tell me he can’t.”

He can’t, you tell him, clinging onto him tighter, needier, begging him to never leave.

Any minute now, you worry, someone’s going to knock on the bathroom door, kick you both out. Instead, the music that plays outside the door seems to increase in volume.

“Fuckin’ made for me, meant for me,” both of you grow increasingly desperate, fingernails digging into flesh, and mouths rejoining in a frenzy of kisses, and the tightening of an invisible string, drawing you nearer and nearer to the edge. “My sweet girl.”

An end that comes all too soon, both of you exhausted, and spent, and collapsing against one another, a sticky mess left between your legs where his hips continue to rut into you through his own overstimulation.

“I’m sorry,” his head falls against your shoulder, burrows into the warmth of your neck. There’s a press of his lips against your skin, and a million apologies that follow. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I love you, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I love you.”

“It’s okay, Jack,” you lie, sooth a hand over his back, ignore the tears you feel falling against your skin.

TRACK 8 — hit the road jack

The clock reads 13:18 as Jack brings the car to a stop.

A set of stairs lead up to a grand double-doored entrance, a sign post declaring the extravagant building as Clearview Manor. Rented for the whole weekend, the wedding party isn’t cited to leave until late Monday evening. Though all cars remain parked in the driveway, no familiar faces await your arrival.

“I hope you get your happy ending,” the two of you step out of the car in sync. A voice whispers that it’s the last time you’ll step out the Bronco, you brush it off and follow Jack as he makes his way over to the boot. “No one deserves it more than you, Jack.”

“No promises, darlin’,” he extends his arms to you, you almost move in for a hug.

The sight of your wedding dress, no longer porcelain white, stains of brown upon a greying fabric, reminds you of why you’re here. You try your best to smile earnestly as you take it off his hands, but fear it only heightens the distress that dilates your pupils. “I’ll see you inside, right?”

The boot slams shut, and it’s an awful reminder that your time together is coming to a close, Jack dons his signature smile, cowboy hat back on his head, a head that’s shaking no.

“The mighty fool that I am, thinkin’ I could stomach watchin’ you get married to another man. After this little road trip of ours… well, I guess I just ain’t ready to hit play yet.” A tongue made of lead, shoes filled with weights. Moving feels impossible, talking even more so. You want to say his name, tell him you don’t need to marry another man, crawl back into the Bronco and beg him to drive off. “Go’on, get! There’s a good man in there, waitin’ to give you everythin’ you deserve.”

Instead, you just turn on your heel, take the first step towards the rest of your life. A life without Jack.

Halfway up the stairway, the sound of Jack’s engine reaches your ears, followed quickly by the obnoxiously poignant car radio, giving its final performance for you both.

“Hit the road, Jack, and don’t you come back, no more, no more, no more, no more!”

Eyes meeting where Jack sits, back in the driver’s seat, you share one last laugh.

OUTRO — everywhere

“Thank god you’re okay.”

Two arms, strong and secure, wrap around your waist.

On the other side of the bridal suite door stands both your mother and your mother in law, ushered out by your fiance upon your return the moment he noticed the panic on your face as questions and fingers prodded at you.

You block out the thought of the scowling faces, burrowing your own into the space between his shoulder and neck, whispering your inquiry on, “how bad is the damage?”

“We told everyone you were suffering from food poisoning. All our guests think you’ve been spewing out of both ends the past few hours, but I think that’s justified for the bruising you’ve given my ego.”

“Santi,” the shape of your fiance’s name feels foreign in your mouth, the taste of it sour on your tongue, so much so that you can’t say it in full. “I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t be, what matters is you’re here now.”

Jack was right, your fiance is a nice man. A good man. A man anyone would be lucky to land in the arms of, the kind of man people dream of, and romance authors write of.

But to you, his arms just feel like a cage you’ve lost the key for. “Why did you ask me to marry you?”

“I don’t know. We just… make sense.”

“We do,” you pull apart, at last, nodding your head along to his answer. “But is that all marriage should be? Two people who make sense?” You stumble a few steps back from him, feet needing space to begin pacing back and forth as your filter slips and the word-vomit begins to spew itself out onto the pristine carpeted floors. “Do you really love me enough to spend the rest of your days with me? Because I don’t think you do, and I don’t think I love you like that either.”

Santiago is calm, collected, and completely unresponsive.

The longer he watches you pace and rant, the quicker you do each thing, as though you’re racing ahead to escape the fear of breaking his heart more than you already have, his love possibly more intense than you make it seem. He ends that fear in one foul swoop of words.

“When you didn’t walk down the aisle, I felt relieved. I also slept with someone at my bachelor party and the guilt has been eating me alive.”

“I just fucked my ex in a bathroom!” In an almost paradoxical response, the pair of you keen over in laughter, any expected animosity thrown out the metaphorical window and leaving you both no choice but to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. “God, we’re a mess.”

“Wait, the cowboy’s your ex? I should’ve known, your dad told him you were gone before he even bothered to tell me.” Santiago had little luck at winning over your dad, though admittedly it was no fault of his own but, rather, your father had yet to move on from Jack. There’s a sudden commotion as Santi rushes past you, peeling back the curtains and peering down out the window. “What car is it the cowboy drives?”

“A Bronco.”

“Well, you might wanna hurry, because he’s just pulling out of the parking bays.” It’s more than just a warning. It’s a blessing to leave. Overcome with emotion, you dive back into his arms and find there’s no fear of goodbye, not like there had been with Jack. An engagement ring that slips off with no resistance, no longer a shackle that ties you both together. You hand it back to him gently. “Go, before it’s too late! I’ll take care of this mess, see if I can spin this in a way that’s heartbreaking enough to get our deposit back.”

There’s more you want to say, but now’s not the time. Apologies and thank-yous can wait till you pick up your things from his apartment, right now you’re too busy rushing to the door.

A call of your name comes when you’ve got one foot out it, treading into the now motherless hallway. You face Santiago with a smile, ready to say that magic word. 

Goodbye.

“Promise me one thing.”

“Anything.”

“Don’t invite me to your wedding.”

You make it out the double-doors, which slam loudly shut behind you, before you spot the retreating shape of Jack’s car and an anxious glee commands you to break out into a sprint, legs kicking faster than they ever have before.

Don’t speed up, you think, watching as the Bronco slowly creeps down the driveway.

“Jack!” You call out to him, hoping that, with the open roof, he’ll somehow hear you over the radio. Pushing your feet to move a little faster, your arms join the mix, waving wildly to the wind, a careless attempt to catch his attention in the rearview mirror. “Wait!”

The car breaks with a squeak, the blaring music comes to a halt, and Jack turns to face you with his own eyes, as though he can’t trust the mirrors. When you reach the car, you pull at the door handle and find he’s already unlocked it. You slide in with ease, back into the seat you’ve always belonged in: by his side.

He can’t seem to move, frozen with his eyes focused on nothing but you.

“Drive, jack,” you finally proclaim, asking him what you should’ve the moment you saw him in that diner, in the pews, in the heartbreaking hours post-burying a friend.

“Where to, darlin’?”

“Anywhere, everywhere!” You can’t help the smile that overcomes you as he pulls your hand up to his mouth, planting a familiar kiss upon it, before the engine hums back to life. “It doesn’t matter, as long as I’m with you, all roads lead home.”

Like old times, you lean forward and turn up the radio, a familiar tune filling the air as you sink back into your seat, the wind back in your hair and an open road laying ahead, ready to lead you both wherever the wheels may take you.

“Oh I, I wanna be with you everywhere.”

bts with hyde. this is just a little reflective commentary that i put down here, to avoid flooding my author's note with too much rambling. please feel free to skip this!!

this fic is a compilation of firsts for me. it's the first challenge i've taken part in within the pedro fanspace, which has been equally exciting as it has been daunting. i struggle immensely with writing on a time schedule, and so i'm pretty proud of myself for not posting this (too) late.

this is also my first time writing for jack. admitedly, i'm not sure if i've done justice to him, as his character is somehow incredibly strong and, yet, so open for interpretation that i found myself struggling to connect with him in my writing. i have no plans to write for him in any future wips, but that might change. it was definitely fun to push myself out my comfort zone and write for a new character!

something i want to praise myself for is the attention i put into smaller details of this fic. for example, each flower mentioned in this fic has a very specific symbol/meaning attached to it, fitting with the themes of the scenes in which they're mentioned. the other place i hyperfocused on very unimportant details is the playlist. it opens and closes on the only two songs fronted by a female vocalist, with my intention being that these songs are a representation of the reader's inner turmoils and thoughts in the opening and closing scenes. the rest of the playlist is full of male vocalists, giving a peak into jack's mind despite the entire fic being told through the reader's eyes.

okay, i've given myself enough delusional and unnecesary praise, i'm going to sleep now. please don't be mean if you didn't like this fic, it's literally my birthday 🫡

if you've read this far, ily, i hope you have a good day !

[omensandwonders]

i can't be saved

ghostface!noah x f!reader

(a/n: this is supposed to be a halloween/ bday post for our king even though it's DISGUSTINGLY late (mainly cause my blog didnt exist on his bday lol whoopsie) but BETTER LATE THAN NEVER AMIRITE HEATHENS)

warnings: cnc/dubcon, breaking and entering, mean!noah, knife play, blood play (he carves his initials into the reader lol), impact play, degradation, choking/ asphyxiation, creampie, general feral word vomit things, readers.. kinda dumb

1.3k-ish words

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it was friday, october 31st, 11.32pm. rain gently drummed against the windows, thunder rolling in the far off distance. it was the perfect night for you to cosy up with a book you had been meaning to get to for literal ages, but never had the chance to. snuggled up on your couch, a vanilla scented candle lit, you got to work.

you barely got 50 pages in before a loud crash sounded through your house, ripping you from the story you had just begun to immerse yourself in. what the actual hell was that? against your better judgement you stood up slowly, slippers quiet on the hardwood floor, and walked towards the area of the house where the sound had come from. you felt cold dread run down your spine as you saw it: one of your windows was torn completely open. the thud had been the window being thrown open and slamming into the wall. somebody was inside. mind and heart racing in panic you started taking slow steps backwards, trying to think of how to escape, when your back hit something. or better, someone. you yelped and turned quickly, now facing a tall, masked man. you couldnt see anything behind his mask, but you could see strong, heavily tattooed arms... and a knife in his hand. that's all it took for your survival instinct to kick in and you sprinted past him, a loud laugh echoing through the halls of your apartment before he took off after you, his heavy boots slamming against the floor loudly.

panting in fear you reached your bedroom and practically threw yourself under your bed. it was cliche, but maybe, just maybe he wouldnt check. you covered your mouth to muffle your breathing just as his heavy boots slid into view, coming to a halt in front of the bed before starting to slowly walk around the room. you could hear him open the closet before closing it again and it sounded like he was leaving. you were about to exhale in relief when you suddenly felt a large hand close around your ankle and yank you out from your hiding place "found you!" you could practically hear the grin in his voice, despite his face being hidden behind the mask. you screamed in fear, fists pounding against his chest until he pressed his knife to your throat "now, pet, none of that. you have any idea how fuckin' annoying that gets?" slowly you lowered your fists, hands shaking in fear. not like you had much of a choice anyways "much better. now... i was going to kill you, but... seeing you like this... that'd just be such a waste, wouldnt it?" you sobbed in fear as his free hand brushed a stray strand of hair from your face "all you gotta do is be a good girl and stay still for me, and ill let you live. isnt that nice?" he moved his knife away a little, just enough to let you nod meekly "good pet"

he barely left you time to process before taking his knife to your clothes, cutting them off of you in a few precise cuts and strong rips. it barely took a minute for you to be completely bare and shaking before him. he hummed contemplatively and let the tip of his knife slowly drag down the valley between your breasts, down to your navel and stopping just above your pussy. his free hand made his way up your soft thigh, giving it a squeeze before parting your legs roughly to give himself more space. with a soft sigh his thumb found your clit, starting to rub in slow but firm circles. he laughed at your pathetic moan "you dirty bitch, youre gettin' off on this, arent you?" he sunk two fingers into your cunt and all you could do was moan out. before you realized what was happening he put the knife down and his open palm met your cheek hard enough to send your head lolling to the side, other hand sinking a third finger into your pussy "when i ask you a question, i expect a fucking answer" "y-yes- yes, im getting off on it-" you all but sobbed out, the pain of his slap making your cunt clench and drool even more. within minutes of him toying with your pussy you were approaching your high, hips grinding against his hand, but just as you were about to fall off the edge, he pulled away, stopping all of his touches "nah, not until i say so" "please, please- fuck, 'm so clo-" he didnt even let you finish before he backhanded you again. he gripped your cheeks harshly, blunt nails digging into your soft skin and pulling you closer to his masked face "you forgetting your fucking place here? im in charge, slut, you do as i say. do i have to remind you? dont worry, i know just what to do with dumb cocksleeves like you" he let go of your cheeks, roughly letting you fall back to the floor. his left hand grabbed your throat to hold you down, other hand positioning the tip of his knife between your breasts. as realisation dawned on you you sobbed, fear running through your veins but you were helpless as he dug the blade in, not too deep, carving his initials into you slowly. NS. once he was satisfied with his work he wiped the blodd off his knife on your thigh before discarding it "there you go. little reminder of tonight for ya, mh?" he let go of your throat to grip your thigh, pressing one of your legs to your chest while the other positioned himself at your dripping entrance, your chest buzzed and ached from the shallow wound, but the scariest part was how much this all turned you on. he hilted himself with one smooth thrust and it punched the air out of your lungs. he was so thick and long, it felt like you were being split open. barely giving you time to adjust, his pace was rough and ruthless from the start, hips slamming into yours fast and hard. your wails and cries filled the room, mixed with his occassional deep groans and the sound of your skin slapping together. one of his large hands wrapped around your throat just tight enough to make your head go fuzzy, eyes rolling back with a loud moan. he was ruining you, ruining you for any other man, splitting you open on his cock and fucking you to tears. it was too good. "gonna cum? 'sokay, you can cum now, such a good fuckin' cocksleeve for me, pussy's so tight and warm- made for me, huh? made for takin' my dick like this- gonna fill you so good-" his filthy words sent you over the edge, cumming with a liud cry. with one last thrust he pushed as deep as he could, cumming inside you with a loud groan.

after you both came down from your high he slowly let go off you and pulled out before pulling off his mask, revealing the dissheveled but handsome face of your loving boyfriend, noah "did so good for me love, thank you for lettin' me try this" "i had so much fun, happy birthday baby" you laughed softly and pressed a soft kiss to his lips which he happily returned before leaning down and licking the blood off of your chest. he sat up and scooped you up in his arms "now to get you cleaned up and pamper you"

[allthemeniveloved]

It Will Come Back - John's Ending

Summary: The beginning of John's ending.

wc: 5.1k

Tags: brief mentions of violence, quick smut, dom!John Marston, unprotected p in v, deeply insecure JM, slight breeding kink if you squint, author deeply craves JM family content

ao3 link

a/n: Just a reminder that this chapter follows part 8, not the last two chapters posted as those belonged to Arthur's ending. (John's ending is the true ending in my head.) Sorry it took me all week and hopefully I can post the finale tomorrow!

The rowboat creaked softly as Arthur and Sadie glided across the dark waters toward Sisika Penitentiary, the faint sound of waves lapping against the hull blending with the eerie silence of the night. Arthur’s hands gripped the oars tightly, his jaw set in grim determination, while Sadie sat in the stern, her rifle resting across her lap. The tension between them was palpable, each stroke of the oars drawing them closer to the towering stone walls of the prison.

As they approached the eastern side, Arthur slowed the boat, scanning the perimeter for guards. Sadie leaned forward, her sharp eyes sweeping the wall. “Looks clear,” she murmured, her voice low but steady. “Let’s get to it.”

Arthur secured the rope to a rocky outcropping beneath the wall, his movements quick and deliberate. The weight of what lay ahead pressed heavily on him—getting in, finding John, and getting out alive felt like an impossible task, but turning back wasn’t an option. He hauled himself onto the rocks, extending a hand to Sadie as she followed.

Inside the penitentiary, the corridors were dimly lit and silent, the oppressive air thick with the faint scent of damp stone. Arthur moved ahead, his revolver drawn, every step deliberate as he scanned for movement. Sadie stayed close, her knife gleaming faintly in her hand as her boots barely made a sound on the cold floor.

It wasn’t long before they encountered a lone guard patrolling the hallway, his lantern swaying in his grip. Before the man could react, Arthur surged forward, slamming him against the wall with one hand and pressing the barrel of his gun to his temple. “Not a word,” Arthur growled, his voice low and deadly.

Sadie stepped in quickly, her blade pressed against the guard’s throat as she leaned in. “Where’s John Marston?” she hissed, her tone sharp enough to cut.

The guard stammered, his wide eyes darting between the two of them. “Block C,” he whispered, his voice trembling. “Third cell on the right.”

Arthur’s grip tightened, his gaze hard. “Good. You’re gonna take us there. Real quiet-like.”

The guard nodded frantically, and Arthur pushed him forward, keeping the revolver trained on his back. The three of them moved quickly through the winding corridors, the faint echoes of distant footsteps keeping them on edge. When they reached Block C, Arthur shoved the guard against the wall, his voice cold. “Open it.”

The guard fumbled with his keys, his shaking hands struggling to find the right one. “Hurry up,” Sadie snapped, her knife gleaming in the dim light.

Inside the block, a familiar voice called out from the shadows. “Arthur? Sadie? Is that you?”

Arthur’s gaze snapped to the source of the voice, relief washing over him as he spotted John in a cell near the end of the block. He was slumped against the bars, his face pale and bruised but unmistakably alive.

“We’re here, John,” Arthur said, his voice tight. “Just hold on.”

But as the guard opened the heavy iron door, panic struck him. He shoved backward, throwing himself into Arthur and shouting for help. Arthur reacted instantly, slamming the guard to the ground with a rough punch that sent the man sprawling. The clatter of his keys hitting the floor echoed through the corridor, and Arthur snatched them up, tossing them to Sadie.

“Get the door!” Arthur barked as the distant sound of boots and shouts began to grow louder.

Sadie caught the keys and rushed to John’s cell, her movements quick and practiced. Within moments, the lock clicked, and John stumbled out, his legs unsteady but his resolve clear. “You came for me,” he rasped, his voice thick with disbelief.

“Damn right we did,” Sadie shot back, gripping his arm to steady him.

Arthur turned, his revolver already raised as he fired down the corridor, buying them precious seconds. “No time for a reunion,” he snapped. “Move!”

The three of them bolted through the prison, Arthur and Sadie covering their retreat as alarms blared and guards swarmed behind them. By the time they reached the boat, John was panting heavily, his strength fading fast. Arthur shoved the boat off the rocks, leaping in after Sadie as she fired one last warning shot toward the guards on the shore.

“Row, Arthur!” Sadie barked, keeping her rifle trained on the shrinking figures in the distance.

“I’m rowin’!” Arthur growled, his muscles straining as he pulled at the oars, the boat cutting through the dark water with every stroke.

John collapsed into the boat, his chest heaving as he leaned back, the exhaustion evident in his face. “You didn’t have to do this,” he muttered, his voice barely audible.

Arthur glanced over at John, a faint smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth despite the tension still thrumming in the air. “Yeah, we did,” he said gruffly, rowing with steady strokes. “Your woman would’ve had my damn head if we didn’t.”

Relief washed over John’s face, his eyes widening as he sat up straighter, despite the exhaustion weighing him down. “She’s alive?” he rasped, his voice thick with emotion, the tension in his shoulders loosening at the thought.

Every night in that cold, dark cell, John’s thoughts drifted to you, no matter how hard he tried to block them out. He’d lie awake on the hard cot, staring at the cracks in the ceiling, his mind replaying every moment you’d shared, from the way you smiled to the sound of your laughter. The worry gnawed at him constantly, a relentless ache in his chest as he imagined what dangers might be closing in on you while he was stuck behind bars, powerless to protect you. He wondered if you were safe, if you were holding up, or if the chaos that seemed to follow the gang had reached you, too. On his worst nights, when the silence of Sisika felt unbearable, he feared that he’d never see you again, that his failure to be there for you might cost him the one thing he couldn’t bear to lose. The thought of you kept him going, but it also tore at him, each passing day a reminder of how far away you were and how much he needed to get back to you.

Arthur let out a heavy sigh, his gaze fixed on the dark horizon as he rowed. “We’ve been survivin’, but it ain’t been pretty,” he muttered, the weariness in his voice clear. “And I ain’t even told you about Guarma yet.”

John leaned back against the edge of the boat, a faint grimace crossing his face. “Guarma?” he echoed, shaking his head slightly. “I’m not sure I even want to know.”

As the lights of Sisika faded into the distance, the weight of their escape settled over them. For now, they were free, but Arthur’s mind was already racing with what came next—getting John back to safety, and what that safety would mean in a world that was growing more dangerous by the day.

-

The salty breeze off the water bit at your skin as you paced the length of the dock, your boots scuffing against the weathered planks. The faint sounds of laughter and clinking glass spilled from the nearby saloon, but they were drowned out by the pounding of your heart. You couldn’t sit still, couldn’t relax, not with the weight of your worry pressing down on your chest. Arthur and Sadie had been gone for hours, and the gnawing question in your mind refused to let go: What if something went wrong?

You stopped at the edge of the dock, staring out into the black expanse of water. The moon’s reflection rippled faintly against the surface, but beyond that, there was nothing—no sound, no movement, just silence. You wrapped your arms around yourself, the cold creeping into your bones despite the heavy coat you wore. The thought of John, trapped behind those stone walls, twisted something inside of you. You hadn’t seen him in so long, and the fear that you might never see him again threatened to choke you.

Then, out of the darkness, you spotted it—a faint shadow moving across the water. At first, you thought your eyes were playing tricks on you, but as the shadow grew closer, you recognized the shape of a small boat. Your breath hitched, your heart thundering as you stepped closer to the edge of the dock, your fingers gripping the wooden railing. The closer the boat came, the clearer it became: Arthur, Sadie, and…

“John,” you whispered, your voice trembling as relief surged through you.

As the boat bumped against the dock, Arthur leaped out first, steadying it as Sadie climbed out after him. And then, there he was—John Marston, battered and exhausted but alive. He moved slowly, his legs unsteady as he climbed onto the dock, but the moment his eyes met yours, everything else fell away.

John caught you, his arms wrapping tightly around your waist as he buried his face in your shoulder. “I missed you,” he murmured, his voice raw and thick with emotion. “God, I missed you so much.”

You held him like you’d never let go, your fingers clutching the fabric of his shirt as you sobbed against him. “I thought I’d lost you,” you whispered, your voice breaking. “I thought I’d never see you again.”

Arthur and Sadie stood a short distance away, watching the reunion with a mixture of relief and quiet understanding. Arthur cleared his throat after a moment, breaking the silence. “We don’t have long,” he said gruffly, glancing toward the lights of the trading post. “It ain’t safe to stick around.”

John pulled back slightly, his hands still on your waist as he looked down at you, his expression soft but serious. “He’s right,” he said quietly. “We can’t go back to camp—not yet.”

You nodded, wiping at your tears as you tried to steady yourself. “Then we’ll figure it out,” you said, your voice firmer now. “We’ll go somewhere safe.”

Arthur stepped closer, placing a hand on John’s shoulder. “You take her and lay low for a while. Sadie and I’ll head back to camp, keep Dutch and the others off your trail.”

John nodded, his grip on you tightening briefly as he looked back at Arthur. “Thank you,” he said, his voice heavy with gratitude.

“Thank you, Arthur,” you murmured, your voice trembling with sincerity. “For everything. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

“Just don’t make me regret it,” Arthur replied, his tone gruff but carrying a faint warmth. He tipped his hat to you before stepping back toward the hitched horses, Sadie following close behind.

As the two of you watched them disappear into the night, John turned to you, his eyes filled with the kind of relief and longing that made your chest ache. “C’mon,” he said softly, taking your hand. “Let’s get out of here.”

The warmth of his touch and the sound of his voice steadied you as you followed him into the woods, leaving Van Horn and the chaos behind for a moment of fragile peace.

As you guided Dahlia into the woods, her dark coat blending seamlessly with the shadows, you felt John shift behind you, his arms loosely wrapped around your waist for balance. The tattered prison uniform he wore caught your eye, and you couldn’t help but glance back at him with a faint smirk. 

“You know,” you teased lightly, your voice breaking the stillness of the forest, “you might want to get out of that outfit. Can’t exactly go strolling around town looking like you just broke out of Sisika.”

John let out a low chuckle, his grip on your waist tightening slightly as Dahlia navigated a rough patch of ground. “Guessin’ you’ve got somethin’ in mind, then?” he asked, his voice softer now, the weariness in it tempered by his amusement.

You nodded toward the saddlebags hanging from Dahlia’s sides. “Packed a change of clothes for you,” you said lightly. “Figured you might need a little more than your charm to blend in.”

John’s chuckle deepened, the sound warming the cool night air as he leaned forward slightly, his voice low near your ear. “Always takin’ care of me, huh?” he murmured, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you heard a faint note of relief in his tone.

The woods were quiet, save for the soft rustling of leaves in the cool night breeze and the faint crackle of the small fire you’d built. Shadows danced across the forest floor, their flickering light catching on the lines of John’s face as he sat close behind you, wearing the fresh clothes you’d packed for him. His shoulders were still tense, his body tired from the ordeal, but there was a warmth in his gaze when he looked at you that made your chest ache.

By the fire’s warm glow, John held you tightly, his arms wrapped around you as if he were afraid to let go, the tension in his embrace mirroring the storm of emotions swirling between you both. His face was buried against your shoulder, his breath hot and uneven against your skin, and the faint tremble in his hands betrayed the calm he was trying to project. You could feel his heart pounding against your back, a frantic rhythm that seemed to echo your own as the weight of the past weeks came crashing down. He didn’t say much—he didn’t have to—because the way he clung to you, the way his fingers gripped the fabric of your shirt as though you might disappear, said everything. The fire crackled softly beside you, its light casting flickering shadows across his face when he finally lifted his head, his eyes meeting yours, raw and glassy with emotion. “I ain’t lettin’ go of you again,” he murmured hoarsely, his voice thick, and you nodded, tears slipping down your cheeks as you tighten your grip around his arms, vowing silently that neither of you would have to endure this kind of pain again.

You leaned back against John’s chest, a faint smile tugging at your lips despite the heaviness of the past few weeks. “You know,” you said, tilting your head to glance up at him, “I did try to warn you about that Saint Denis bank job. Told you somethin’ about it didn’t feel right.” A low chuckle rumbled from his chest as he tightened his arms around you, his lips brushing the top of your head. “You were right, sweetheart,” he murmured, his voice laced with humor and regret. “Don’t think I’ll ever hear the end of it, will I?” You laughed softly, shaking your head. “Not a chance, Marston,” you teased, the warmth of his chuckle blending with the sounds of the forest.

John’s voice was low, almost hesitant, as he spoke, his fingers absently tracing the edge of the blanket he had draped across your shoulders. “I’m glad Arthur was there to look after you,” he said, the words deliberate but carrying a nervous edge, like they’d been turning over in his mind for days. His gaze flicked toward the fire, avoiding yours, but the tension in his jaw betrayed the swirl of emotions beneath the surface. “I hate that I couldn’t… that I wasn’t there,” he added, his voice thick with guilt. There was something else there too—a faint twinge of jealousy simmering beneath his words, unspoken but clear in the way his hand tightened slightly against your back. When he finally looked at you, his eyes were filled with a mixture of gratitude and regret, his vulnerability stark in the flickering light. “But I’m here now,” he murmured, almost as if reassuring himself as much as you. “And I ain’t lettin’ anyone else do my job again.”

John’s arms tightened around yours, his chin resting lightly on your shoulder. You placed your hands gently over his, your touch soft and steady as you tilted your head slightly to catch his gaze. “John,” you murmured, your voice calm but firm, “you don’t have to carry that guilt. You did everything you could, and it's not your fault.” You paused, letting your words sink in as you laced your fingers with his, a faint smile tugging at your lips. “And Arthur? He’s your brother. He wasn’t replacin’ you—he was just doin’ what family does. Lookin’ out for me because he knew you’d do the same for him.” John’s breath was warm against your neck, and you leaned back into him, squeezing his hand gently, “You’re here now, and that’s what matters. That’s all I’ve wanted.” 

John’s voice was quiet, almost vulnerable, as he murmured against your shoulder, his grip tightening slightly around you. “I think Arthur kept you safe because he still loves you,” he said, the words slow and heavy, as though they’d been weighing on him for weeks. “Not because of me. And… I don’t think he’s ever gonna forgive me for this—for us.”

His words made your chest tighten, and you turned in his arms, shifting so you could face him. The flickering firelight illuminated the worry etched into his features, the guilt lingering in his eyes. Gently, you cupped his face in your hands, your thumbs brushing over his cheekbones as you held his gaze.

“John,” you said softly, your voice steady despite the ache in your heart. “Arthur’s hurt, I won’t deny that. But this isn’t about forgiveness, and it’s not about blame. What happened between me and him is in the past. You didn’t take me from him—I chose to be with you because I love you. Please don’t let it eat at you.”

His lips pressed into a thin line, his eyes searching yours for reassurance as his hands rested against your waist. “But what if—”

“No,” you interrupted gently, leaning closer, your forehead resting against his. “We can’t change the past, John, but we can choose what we do with now. I’m here, with you. That’s what matters.”

He exhaled slowly, his breath warm against your lips as he nodded faintly. “I just… I don’t wanna lose you,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

“You won’t,” you promised, your hands slipping to the back of his neck as you pulled him closer. “I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

John’s hands cupped your face with a desperate tenderness, his calloused fingers brushing your cheeks as his forehead rested against yours. “I missed you,” he murmured, his voice low and thick with emotion, his breath warm against your lips. “God, I missed you so much. I’ll never leave you again, darlin’—never.” His words spilled out like a promise, each one laced with the ache of all the time you’d spent apart.

Before you could reply, his lips crashed against yours, the kiss deep and consuming, fueled by the longing he could no longer contain. His hands slid to your waist, pulling you flush against him to straddle his hips as if he needed to feel every part of you to believe this moment was real. His kiss was anything but gentle, a raw mix of passion and relief, as though he were pouring every unspoken word and feeling into the connection. When his hand threaded into your hair, his grip firm but reverent, the way he held you made it clear—he wasn’t letting go again.

You couldn’t suppress the low moan into his mouth as his fingers tugged firmly on your hair. You pulled back slightly, breathless, gazing into his eyes, your fingers threading through his hair. "John," you whispered, your voice hoarse with desire. He nodded, his eyes never leaving yours, and you leaned in again, molding your bodies together as his lips and his hands explored yours with a rough tenderness. You could feel his heartbeat pounding against your own, the steady rhythm echoing through you like a drumbeat. As the kiss deepened and their tongues tangled, you lost yourself in the heat of the moment.

John's lips trailed down your neck, leaving a fiery trail in their wake, as he pulled back from the kiss. His large hands slid down your hips, gripping your thighs firmly, and he lifted you off his lap, supporting your weight effortlessly. With your legs wrapped tightly around his waist, he turned you over, pinning you to the cold ground beneath you. His eyes softened as he looked down at you, his body hovering over yours. "My sweet angel," he breathed, his voice thick with desire. 

You met his gaze, a sly smile tugging at the corners of your lips as you reached up to brush your fingers along his jaw. “I’m no angel, Marston,” you murmured, your voice low and teasing, though the warmth in your eyes betrayed the depth of your feelings. 

A slow, crooked grin spread across John’s face as he leaned in closer, his breath warm against your skin. “I suppose angels don’t go fallin’ into bed with ex-prisoners, do they?” he drawled, his voice low and rough, the teasing glint in his eyes making your heart flutter. “Guess that makes you my kind of angel.”

“I suppose it does.” You whispered. 

He lowered himself onto you slowly, your bodies connecting with a sigh. The feeling of his hardness pressing against your core made you gasp, your fingers digging into his shoulders. He groaned, his mouth finding yours once more, his tongue dancing with yours as he worked to remove the barriers between you two. 

"I need you, sweetheart," he whispered, his rough voice sending shivers down your spine. "I've been waitin’ for this for too damn long."

His hand slipped between your legs, his fingers trailing up along your aching center. You moaned into his mouth, arching your back as he found the spot that made you gasp.

"Please, John..." you pant, your hips bucking against his hand.

He pulled back, his eyes blazing with desire as he stared down at you. "You're so fucking wet," he growled, his voice dark and rough. “This all for me?”

Your delicate fingers gripped his bicep firmly, “All for you, John, I want to make you feel good.”

“Darlin’...” he rasped in disbelief. 

“You've been through enough. Use me.” Your voice was firm. 

John's eyes were blown with a possessive lust as his hands gripped your hips, spinning you atop the weathered blanket and flipping you onto your stomach in one fluid motion. You gasped as his weight settled heavily across your back, the force of his body pushing you down into the rough material beneath. He hiked your hips up sharply, arching your back until you felt exposed and vulnerable, your chest pressing flat into the ground. 

One large, rough hand seized the back of your neck, holding you in place as he leaned in close, his lips hot against your ear. "You sure you want me to use you, darlin'?" he growled, the deep timber of his voice sending shivers down your spine. It wasn't really a question—it was a demand, filled with pent-up hunger.

His free hand roamed down your body, fingers digging into the soft curve of your waist before trailing lower, teasing at the heat between your thighs. "Thought about you every damn night in that cell," he rasped, his voice thick with lust. He bit down on the tender skin of your ear, his teeth grazing you just firmly enough to make you gasp.

"You're mine," he snarled, his hand tightening around your neck as his hips ground against you from behind, letting you feel every hard inch of his arousal. "And I'm gonna remind you every night." 

With that, he pulled back slightly, his hands gripping the backs of your thighs, spreading them wider apart to align you with the persistent, throbbing pressure of his erection. When he entered you with one deep, forceful thrust, the air was driven from your lungs in a broken moan. He set a relentless, punishing pace, each vigorous drive of his hips forcing the breath from your body, his fingers clenching around the back of your neck as though to claim you. 

John's large, rough hands gripped your hips as he moaned loud enough for any passerby to hear, "Fuck, darlin'," he panted, his voice thick with lust. "You're so goddamn tight.”

He leaned forward, his chest pressing against your back as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. His teeth latched onto your sensitive skin, a low growl rumbling through his chest as his hips snapped forward with a sharp thrust.

"Ngh - John," you whimpered, your hips bucking back against him.

One hand released your hip, trailing down to where you were joined, his calloused fingers circling your sensitive bud with an expert touch. You could only gasp and moan, your fingers scrabbling against the blanket as he overwhelmed you with sensation. 

"That's it, angel," he panted, his damp breath hot against your ear. "Let me feel you fall apart." 

And there you were, about to come undone underneath him when an unbidden thought flickered through his mind—a vision of you holding a child, your child, with that same warmth and care. The image struck him like a bolt of lightning, so vivid and startling that it made his chest tighten. But just as quickly as it came, he pushed it down, burying it beneath layers of doubt. She’d never want that with someone like me, he told himself, his jaw tightening as he forced his gaze away. 

John's rhythm faltered for a moment, his hips stilling as he processed the unexpected image that had flashed through his mind. But then, spurred on by your increasingly desperate moans and the way your body seemed to flutter around him, he redoubled his efforts. His hips began to move again, each powerful thrust sending shockwaves through your body. 

The combination of his skilled fingers and the deep, throbbing heat of him inside you was too much to bear. Your orgasm crashed over you in a wave of pleasure, your body trembling and shuddering beneath him as you cried out his name. John's rhythm finally broke, his body stiffening as he pulled his cock out of you, and it was followed by the small slapping sound of hand on skin. You tilted your head to watch the way his cock shone in the moonlight as he fisted it, eventually spurting out ropes of cum onto your back. For a long moment, you both simply lay there catching your breath, his chest heaving as the adrenaline and lust began to ebb from his system. The look in his eyes was distant, almost lost, as if he'd been swept away to some invisible place. 

Your breath underneath him forced his mind to come to as he quickly grabbed his discarded undershirt to clean up his mess. Finally, he rolled onto his back, pulling you with him so that you lay draped across his chest. His large, calloused hand stroked lazily along your spine as he let out a long, contented sigh. His arms circled you loosely, one hand tangled in your hair as the other drew lazy lines up and down your spine. The contact was intimate and tender, a stark contrast to the roughness of moments before. 

Before he realized what he was saying, the words slipped out, low and tentative. “You ever think about… y’know… havin’ a family someday?”

The question hung in the air between you like a delicate thread. When you tilted your head up to look at him, his face was already red, his eyes darting to the fire like he could burn away the embarrassment. “I—I didn’t mean it like that,” he stammered quickly, his voice rough. “Just… forget I said anything.”

You tilted your head, studying him for a moment, your expression softening. “John,” you said gently, moving to sit closer to him. “Did you mean it?”

He hesitated, “Yeah,” he admitted finally, his voice barely above a whisper. “Just… thought about it, is all. Ain’t sayin’ you’d ever want that with someone like me, but… can’t help what crosses my mind.”

His vulnerability made your chest ache, and you reached out, your hand resting lightly on his arm. “John,” you murmured, your voice soft but firm. “I think about it too.”

The look of surprise and relief that flashed across his face was enough to make your heart swell, the weight of his unspoken hope finally lifting as the two of you lay there, naked bodies intertwined, still glistening with sweat.

You looked at him, your eyes steady and full of emotion as you leaned closer, your voice soft but firm. “Why do you think I was trying so desperately to get you to run away with me back at Shady Belle, John?” you asked, the weight of your words sinking into the quiet around you. His breath hitched, his brow furrowing as the realization dawned on him, clear as day in the flicker of firelight reflecting in his eyes. He stared at you, his lips parting slightly as if to say something, but no words came. The truth of it hit him hard—you’d wanted a life with him, one far from the chaos and destruction of the gang, and he’d been too caught up in loyalty and doubt to see it. “You didn’t want me to run away,” he murmured finally, his voice hoarse with disbelief. “You wanted us to run away.”

You couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at your lips as you leaned back slightly, the tension between you easing just a bit. “I didn’t think you were as tough and dense as all that, Marston,” you teased lightly, though the warmth in your voice softened the jab. His lips twitched into a faint smirk, but his eyes still held the weight of realization, the hint of a chuckle slipping out as he shook his head. 

“We gotta settle down someplace safe, someplace where we can actually build that life together.” Your eyes searched his, a quiet determination behind your words as you pressed on. “If that’s what you really want, we’ll figure it out—but not here, not like this.”

John’s gaze softened as he laced his fingers with yours, his thumb brushing gently over your knuckles. “I know,” he murmured, his voice low and filled with quiet resolve. He held your eyes for a moment, the flickering firelight reflecting the weight of his determination. “We’ll find someplace… somewhere it’s just us. I promise.”

You didn’t say anything, your throat tightening as his words settled over you. Instead, you nodded softly, your fingers tightening around his as you leaned into his warmth.

“Okay.”

꧁✰꧂꧁✰꧂꧁✰꧂꧁✰꧂꧁✰꧂꧁✰꧂꧁✰

tag list: @photo1030 @fwitolei