#shadowheart has no romance progression in most of act 2

[maleficore]

I really think the "Maybe what you really need is a friend, not a lover" line should not be the end of Astarion's romance arc. Let my man figure his shit out! He literally says "I don't know what I want", why is that option a brake up thing and not a trigger for an alt act 3 romance scene? Something with the vibe of "I know we've talked about this and your friendship means a lot to me, but I've decided what I want and it's for us to be more than that". Please...

[meanbossart]

i appreciate you as an astarion Understander, but shadowheart is my pookie so i gotta ask what you/du drow think of her...i mean they're bestfriends obviously but what did he make of her pre-shadowlands? what about during act 2? post gauntlet of shar? personally, the shar temple really endeared me to her even if i found the act of doing some of the trials a bit annoying.

Oh I found Shadowheart to be the Most annoying character when I started to play the game and disregarded her as "the hot goth with no substance that they put here for the Morrigan fans" of the story, at least for the majority of act 1. She very slowly became one of my favorite companions though - her development is Wonderfully paced and I love the "open-endedness" of her quest (at least as I went about it), she's facing a similarly terrifying predicament as Astarion and DU Drow where, yes, she may have freedom now - but she has nothing else at all. Not her parents, not her memory, not her god (since I dont personally like the idea that she would just flip to Selune immediately).

What I find kind of interesting about her is that she gets... Less confident in herself as the story goes on? And how, in her particular case, that's both a bad and a good thing. She learns that the world isn't so black and white and that she's been fed lies through most of her life, but that seems to leave her with this frightening uncertainty that she must now contend with, instead of turning into anger or righteousness. It's a surprisingly faithful representation of what's like to escape a cult mentality. In a lot of ways she gets a lot LESS cool as her story progresses - but In a way that I really like, if that makes any sense.

DU drow would have found her similarly annoying at the start (Just took her as a naive religious nutbar) but she slowly endeared herself to him by having a mean streak of her own. They often saw eye-to-eye in their "fuck you, got mine" kind of attitude and DU Drow would have really appreciated her straightforwardness. The moment where I realized those two would get along was during a dialogue you have about her mission, I don't recall the exact wording, but she says something in defense of her blind faith and you have the option to reply along the lines of "Spoken like a true pawn", which I did, because I was playing an asshole. But instead of getting mad she just... Acknowledged it with a little humor and then let it roll right off her back. DU drow really appreciates people like that 🤷

I surmised that, with that attitude plus their shared memory affliction, they would have grown found of each other pretty quickly. If she had been the one to turn me down at the tiefling party instead of Astarion, I would have probably romanced her instead, which is a funny alternate reality to think about.

Then, her and Astarion egging him on with the Loviatar priest pretty much cemented their threeway dynamic for me LOL

Past that point, Shadowheart played a key part in DU drow's own "questline" as the person he later mirrored himself off of. She defied her deity of her own will (I didn't persuade her to spare Nightsong, I just let go and let god) she gave up on her own destiny and greatness in favor of just... Being her own person. It would have gotten DU drow thinking a little more deeply about these things, specially once he found out he was Bhaal's chosen.

Also, they both have a soft spot for animals.

[mellybaggins]

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About the Author Q&A post

Oathbreaker

angst. self discovery. trauma healing.

Act 1 - Chapters 1-12 - Complete

Morwen vowed she'd never lead anyone again after the disastrous mission that led to breaking her oath. But the gods laugh while you make plans, and her abduction by mind flayers and a concerning brush with the devil is forcing her to face her fears. In her search for a cure, she gathers a disparate group of other infected and reluctantly leads them on a journey towards their unknown fates.

Act 2 - Chapters 13-51 - Complete

As the group enter the Shadow Cursed Lands, Raphael returns and forces Morwen to make a choice. In seeming retaliation for her refusal, he breaks the mental blocks keeping the memories of her past from her, forcing her to confront the darkness she thought had been locked away forever.

Act 3 - Chapters 52-? - in progress

With her memories fully restored, Morwen prepares to enter Baldur's Gate, not only to disrupt and dismantle the evil plot of the Dead Three, but also to force a reckoning with her own past. If the darkness doesn't consume her first.

This is an ongoing fic about betrayal, redemption, religious trauma, abuse, and why good people do bad things. She also has romances along the way because despite everything she has never lost her capacity to love.

This fic contains smut, drama, violence (there is also dead dove content especially in the middle-late act 2 and beyond) and is probably the work I'm the most proud of.

I try to update every Monday, but sometimes life gets in the way.

Character Profile - Morwen (Idril)

Character Word Association Game

Oathbreaker on Ao3

Oathbreaker Chapter 1 tumblr post / more photos

Early Game Photo Dump

Bite scene photo dump

Late Act 2 Photo Dump

Fantasy Casting for Original Characters

Morwen recast

Act 1 Chapters:

Chapter 5 - Freefall (First meeting with Raphael)

Act 2 Chapters:

Chapter 41 - Rainy Day (Gauntlet of Shar)

Chapter 42 - This Too Shall Pass

Chapter 43 - Frozen Angels

Chapter 44 - Numb (Backstory Chapter)

Chapter 45 - Fire Burning (the Battle of Moonrise Towers)

Chapter 46 - Make Yourself (Oathbreak Chapter)

Chapter 47 - Thunderstruck

Chapter 48 - Way Down We Go

Chapter 49 - Losing My Religion (Ain't No Rest For The Wicked)

Chapter 50 - Roads

Chapter 51 - Hunter (End of Act 2)

Act 3 Chapters

Chapter 52 - Porcelain (Sweet Dreams)

Chapter 53 - Clandestino (Decaparecido)

Chapter 54 - I'm A Wanted Man (Kryptonite)

Chapter 55 - It's Been A While

Chapter 56 - Come With Me Now (Disappear)

Chapter 57 - Entertainers

Chapter 58 - Cold Blood

Chapter 59 - Angel

Chapter 60 - Mercy

Chapter 61 - Savage Daughter

Chapter 62 - Dance, Monkey

Chapter 63 - Hold On

Chapter 64 - Beso

Chapter 65 - Vampiros

Chapter 66 - Scars

Chapter 67 - Promesa

Chapter 68 - River

One Shots:

This Protector (Act 2, Reithwin Tollhouse)

Come Undone (Act 1, Gale/Shadowheart scene)

Laileth of Waterdeep

fluff. romance. two worlds one heart.

This is Laileth. She is a forest elf who hails from Suldanessellar inside the forest of Wealdalth/Tethir, as far south of Baldur's Gate as Waterdeep is north. I've unconsciously been treating her like a Tolkien Silvan elf, so finally decided (though not stated in the fics themselves) that by some magic a group of elves from Mirkwood found themselves transplanted into Faerûn and therefore they were extremely reclusive and rarely dealt with outsiders except to trade. This is her first time meeting people of other races except at the bargaining table and she's fallen in love with Faerûn and it's people. She's also quite young, comparatively, and full of wonder and love of life and eagerness to learn and explore.

One person in particular though, Gale of Waterdeep. I've created a Series on Ao3 to keep all of her various drabbles together. They're all one-shots and her story will (mostly) be at the mercy of the prompts from the BG3 Writers Discord server. Many contain smut, and Laileth and Gale are into dom/sub play.

Character Profile - Laileth

Laileth of Waterdeep Posts on Tumblr:

(in story timeline order)

Helvegen on Tumblr

Kvitravn on Tumblr

Odal on Tumblr

Grá post on Tumblr

Synkverv on Tumblr

Solringen post on Tumblr

[justabiteofspite]

Durgestarion Battle Couple HCs

Haven't seen too much of these, which given how much killing and bloodlust connects these two, I felt a need to rectify. These are for a more martial based Durge that can heal (Dual Wielding Swords Bard is my fave way to play Durge) but others can be applied to other builds. I also added a few HCs for a common Astarion multiclass into Ranger.

List has some NSFW and has a few Durge Dead Dove moments in it surrounding gore, arousal over murder, and corpse blood draining as a sign of affection.

Durge is invested in helping all the companions maximize their killing potential, but especially Astarion's given his shared passion for the subject. Durge purchases Astarion a beautiful magical bow after watching the elf do well with one, Astarion steals the money back from the trader as a thank you. It's the first gift he's been given in 200 years that wasn't a dead rat.

The first few fights they share they find their abilities and tendencies meld well together. Durge is more than willing to get into melee so Astarion can hit with sneak attack. After Durge learns Astarion is a vampire, they cover him so he can have a fairly peaceful feast on their enemies.

Speaking of which, Durge is very passionate about making sure Astarion is well fed because of how well he performs in battle when he is. Their own blood is often on offer but they also make sure Astarion gets his fill of enemies and whatever else is available. When they have time, Durge will collect corpses and hang them upside down and drain their blood into jars "for emergencies." Astarion loves to act annoyed by the effort.

Their two minds together turns the battlefield into a playground. They become so good at reading each other and the other's combat habits, that their banter during it consists of casual conversations about books and camp gossip. All while tossing each other items, skewering an enemy through the stomach so the other can finish it off with an arrow to the head and so on.

Both have definitely read that book a romanced Gale talks about in Act 2 about being horny post-combat. Given both have forms of bloodlust, both are positively bricked by the end of a long battle. Depending where they are in the relationship progression and the location they are in, sometimes this turns into the two going off for a 10 minute "investigation" into another room with both coming out having found nothing, heavily panting and with armor askew, covered somehow in even more blood.

Durge sees Astarion reading and re-reading Drizzt Do'Urden adventures and is the one to suggest he look into being a ranger like him. Take his skills skulking around Baldur's Gate for prey for Cazador and apply those to being more like his favorite hero. Shadowheart likes this idea because rangers having healing abilities, something that Astarion should learn because...

Astarion's zero healing abilities while coming from 200 years of being starved means he feels helpless when Durge gets seriously injured and feels a lot of guilt at how much he desires to feed on Durge while they are bleeding out. While he tries to be sweet and comforting to Durge, he's also fussy as hell, snapping at everyone else who comes within ten feet of the two, including Shadowheart and Halsin which leads to interpersonal problems Durge ends up having to smooth over. Astarion gaining some ability to stop blood flow and better help stabilize Durge gives him some much needed confidence and control.

Durge on the other hand is intimately familiar with bodies, pain tolerances, and limitations. Healing instead of killing feels like a sin against their nature, but gently healing someone they love makes them feel most like themselves. It's an act of defiance that makes them also feel more in control of themselves, as much as their Urges try to punish them for it.

[codecicle]

Swag, tell me about your BG3 character, I’m curious about what you play !! :D

rubbing my hands together evil style. wampus you have no idea what you've unleashed

this is my bastard son: Samuel Alastine :D he goes by Sam but everyone calls him Sammy ^_^

his personality is like if you combined chip jrwi + sokka atla and made a really sappy fucked up love child. he's such a sarcastic little bitchboy at all times who loves being a bastard and charming his way into and out of situations (the consequences of his actions). he really focuses on the actions of the people and how they treat others as a sign of if he should trust them or not, when asked by Withers the question on how much a single human life was valued i had his answer READY lmao he was instantly responding with "it depends on the person's actions." he definitely has a weak-spot for kids though, he went through a rough childhood, but he doesn't consider it "important" and he trys to keep it as close to his chest as possible.

he's a tiefling sorcerer and i decided to make his sub-race a dragonborn tiefling so he could get the specific type of spells i wanted. i think my plan for progressing him is to focus my general skill-tree to be skewed towards how his personality would fight instead of whats most practical, and for him that definitely means wiping out multiple people in one flashy go with ZERO back-up plans. the amount of times he's had to get one of the other party member to revive him is insane, so he tends to leave that part out of the big flashy tales about his adventures. he loves showing off and bragging so much genuinely again think sokka atla just an absolute loser bastard who tries to take credit in a loving way. he would kill and die for his friends he just shit-talked as beneath him and side characters 5 seconds ago, and if someone else tries to also talk bad about them he's throwing hands and swinging on them in an instant with his whole 8 strength

speaking of which i skewed by skills so badly by putting the free +2 modifier to charisma to give him a 17 bro i coulda blanced his skills a little more and made all of his attacks do more than a grand total average of like. 2. maybe 3 if youre lucky but i DIDNT because im not a COWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!! so now he just flops over if he gets breathed at wrong or is out of spell slots like god intended. but at least he knows how to flirt GODBLESS

also also i definitely think his current party is going to remain his favorite and most trusted for the whole game. he's adventuring with Shadowheart, Wyll, and Astarion right now and they fit him so perfectly its actually insane. he loves how forward thinking Shadowheart is and is willing to follow her, and respects her for keeping her secrets while still letting him make fun of how closed off she is. (realizing now that my playful banter i try to give him might be the romancing options. but like. yeah he would try and do that she would never go for it though.) ((maybe)) and he absolutely adores Wyll's heroicism and looks up to him in a way, full of nothing but respect for how selflessly he acts and how he fights with confidence. he's an especially big fan of how he treats kids, knowing he never would have gotten that same kindness and it was nice to see the cycle be broken and someone make a change. and astarion he just wants to fuck LMAOOOO he loves the conversations they have and while astarion saying "oh yeah btw how do you wanna die when that worm in your brain spreads. like do you want poison or a knife" should normally be offputting thats EXACTLY his kinda humor and flirting. he said knife btw ^_^ purely because at the beginning where astarion jumped him he pinned him to the ground and held a knife to his throat and he really wants that to happen again but you didn't hear that from him. nuh uh.

anyway im having so much fun playing this game fully in character i see why the council did it that way now !! this is so silly goofy and fun i love going "oh wow any normal self respecting person would NOT say that to the random person they just met. i dont want to pick this option but youre not gonna believe this chief, its What My Character Would Do" every 5 fucking minutes for a new dialog this game is awesome im gonna go die in a combat now goodbye [vanishes into the woods] [the camera very clearly shows me hiding behind a tree thats too skinny for my body asking someone off screen if he's gone yet]

[alexissara]

Baldur's Gate 3 - Amazing and Sometimes Awful [Quick Review]

Baldur's Gate 3 is a herculean feat of game development with amazing voice acting work spread across it's many many hours, fantastic character designs, interesting gameplay and more. It also suffers from D&Ds character progression systems, the way the games worlds are set up, and the system of true RNG that it is emulating. Beyond that the game despite it's own beauty is extremally buggy and faces significant late game performance issues. However, the game does some stand out things for queerness that a lot of other RPGs fail at. This game is a mixed bag that might also be game of the year.

With over 122 hours logged into the game I feel fairly confident in my ability to access what I experienced but given how big of an undertaking it is I genuinely think someone else's experience may be different. I chose to not side with either the grove or the goblins and moved onto act 2 without doing that and that may have added to the count of bugs but the fact that was an option means that it isn't "My fault" that I experienced so many bugs on my playthrough. I had party members despawning, quests saying I could do something that I couldn't do because the NPCs were not in the area they were supposed to be, getting ques for things that should have went into act 3 that were missing, in the end of act 3 characters missing from the end bits and at the very end textures just all vanishing for my last few hours.

I didn't really get to experience the romance the game had to offer. I started a fling with Lae'zel which apparently locked me out of most other romances but randomly gave me a Wyll Romance scene, a man I never deployed not once the whole game. I realized playing the game I didn't long rest enough and missed out on my chance to romance Shadow Heart whom I really wanted to romance and even though I broke things off with Lae'zel I could never progress a romance with Shadowheart, Karlache or Minthara. I want to feel this romances and see everything they have to offer but sadly the game denied me this.

The game lacks body diversity and the limited pallet of faces feels too limited in character customization. There is sadly no time in which despite being able to have a trans body I am able to talk to someone about being trans that I found not am I ever able to reject a romantic advance by stating my sexuality or disinterest in a gender. Instead it is taken as read that I am bisexual and that I am rejecting them for them and not because like from the onset they weren't on the table for my desires. I am however, not a bisexual but a lesbian and I would love to be able to say that.

That said this game does make strives to doing something I've not really seen other games do with playsexual characters which is to make them have queer history. I didn't get every characters backstories but I did get backstories for Astrian and for Shadowheart which both imply that previous to our adventures they had mostly been with their own gender. Astrian has a litany of male lovers which he courted and gave to his master, he seems to prefer men and he describes his attraction to them. Meanwhile, Shadowheart seems to have had a girlfriend before her memories were removed, perhaps an ex that was a Transgender Woman who turned to Sharr although this is more subtextual than Astrian's due to her memory loss.

These little bits of queer history make them feel much more lived and their sexualities not feel like it was because I am super special but because they are earnestly queer and I happened to have the kind of personality and body their attracted to. There is also some amount of queer NPCs not tied to our PCs although they are in the minority in a majority heteronormative cast.

The game does make some strives to fix some of the things that are terrible about D&D removing the alignment system allowing for characters to simply exist in a much more complex moral web than a box of 9 check marks for morality lets you do and a toning down of racial abilities which helps lessen D&Ds inherent eugenics. However, it does not escape D&D's racism problem with the game mostly having a lot of the characters be racist good and bad and not having counter examples of races like Goblins being good or like an important good drow or something. The companions "Racial" make up are very classic fantasy squad. 2 Elves, 2 half elves, 3 humans, 1 Drow, 1 Gith. In terms of race as we see it in the real world we got one black character and everyone else is pretty white or are a fantasy skin color and white coded maybe baring Lae'zel but idk what Lae'zel's culture is supposed to represent if there is a real world equivalent. Of course also everyone in the world able bodied and skinny or maybe if they are the right race buff. I haven't seen everyone fuck but it appears to me that everyone is cisgender. The game can't do everything but I certainty wish the game did more. The probably most offensive to me being the promoted and marketed Polyamory simply not existing and came from their own misunderstanding of the word, you can fuck around you at least in my experience can't be in multiple committed romantic relationships. That should be fixed given they marketed the game and I don't even need them to address each other just allow it to happen since it was sold to me on the idea I could kiss multiple girls romantically.

There is a total sense of wonder in doing the game thing in new ways and seeing all the ways you can handle situations and all the different outcomes. From multiple files to save scum stuff to hearing people talk about their runs I've seen tons of different ways even my highly buggy end game which did not run well I could see where if it wasn't having all the running issues I had I would have been blown away by all the options they gave me for the last 3 battles of the game. I still thought it was really cool even when it was bugging out. The game constantly threw fun new things at you, little challenges, great moments of roleplaying where it feels like your choices mattered and you could do something cool to get out of a situation. This game might be the game that has most successfully captured the magic of roleplaying in a video game.

The characters being a stand out factor in this in that I found several of the characters to be highly compelling even one man which if you know me is a massive accomplishment. I found Astrian's plot to be really captivating, I really loved Shadowheart's story, I thought some of the NPC stories were really well done too, as a character focused story teller I loved the character work that went into even characters I wasn't particularly in love with. Everyone feels like they can grow and grow in different ways too for bad or for good and often even pretending a pretty objectively bad choice can be flavored with enough deniability to understand why someone might make that choice as a character and not just like because video game let me choice bad choice. I think the characters stories make up a coherent theme I really wanna dive more into but will be restrained on here. They all deal with control. Everyone is dealing with different levels of someone's strings on them and a different relationship to those strings. How those relationships change and evolve over time is really compelling and how they compare to each other is really great. Overall, I love BG3, I think it might be my favorite game I played so far this year [but I do have a backlog, Stray Gods, En Garde!, Super Lesbian Animal RPG] and one of my favorite games in general. IF not for it's massive file size I think it's a game I'd keep installed all year round and just randomly jump into all the time. For now I am still playing, still enjoying but more than anything I am hoping by the time I beat the game a second time it is a lot smoother. If you enjoyed this kind of One Take review let me know, I wanted to try my Yuri manga format for a video game review because nobody reads my game reviews but I felt like I wanted to talk about the game. So instead of putting the huge amounts of work into the review like I normally do I wanted to just try this. If you did enjoy it one way to let me know is by supporting me on Patreon or Ko-fi or you can just reblog or comment. I might revisit the game with a more in depth review or looks more in depth at how it handles queerness or about the story and other stuff like that.

[proffbon]

I got seduced by the idea of Companion Tav and I've been bouncing around some ideas for Saphrin (of course), mainly just themes, conflict, romance progression and personal quest, but I'm kinda stuck on the latter because I either can't think up any way to progress it to Act 3 or I write myself into a final choice which leads to Saphrin's perma death. 

And considering the endings for Karlach and Gale, the perma death option wouldn't be something out of the realm of possibilities (although Gale's death ending also ends your fucking game lol), but with Saphrin specifically, there would be no incentive to actually pursue the death route unless you have very specific views on accountability for your actions, redemption and forgiveness (or if you just hate Saphrin and want his ass gone). Basically, his situation is not exactly a lose-lose choice like Karlach's. 

It would work as a third option, like a 'bonus' to the two main ones (kinda like Karlach's mindflayer ending or the aforementioned Gale's explody one), but I just can't come up with this potential second desirable but ultimately 'bad' option.

I'm gonna go into more detail. Read if you're interested for some reason.

Saphrin's main conflict in his personal quest is basically a crisis of faith, although not as heavily accentuated as Shadowheart's one. It's more of a crisis of morality fueled by faith. In short, any kind of divine belief that Saphrin adopted throughout his life he didn't exactly 'choose' himself. It was all more or less compulsory or habitual. Being raised as a Lolthite noble, he worshipped Lolth. Because if he didn't, he would die (in the best case scenario). Once he escaped and was rescued by the Eilistraeean clergy, he started ardently worshipping Eilistraee. Even though his worship of Eilistraee is a more willing one, it's still largely influenced by 1) indebtitude to his rescuers, 2) the feeling of intense guilt he has for torturing and killing Tanrien, a surface elf cleric who, in a way, opened Saphrin's eyes to the unfortunate situation he was living in, gave him enough courage (or rather desperation) to escape and effectively 'saved' him from a society that would most likely destroy him, body and mind.

Sure, Saphrin believes in Eilistraee's doctrines, he especially wants to breach the schism between the surface elves and drow (in large part due to immense respect for Tanrien's fighting spirit and his willingness to reach out to Saphrin, even though he was one of Tanrien's tormentors, in fact this man is one of the main reasons Saphrin decided to be a cleric specifically). Saphrin was, after all, quite soft-hearted for a Lolthite, although he didn't really mind certain parts of drow society or at least didn't question them at the time. Some aspects he even enjoyed, seeing how Saphrin's military service is still a fond memory for him. During the main adventure, he has yet to get rid of all his old habits. Sometimes he resorts to violence a bit too quickly, he also often worries that he might say something most people would consider cruel and not realise it. But I digress. 

The so-called 'crisis of faith' comes in the form of a question: why are you doing all this? Why help the weak and unfortunate? Why get so invested in your companions' personal troubles? In my base bg3 playthrough, it's more or less resolved through internal musings and reflection on his relationship with others (and with his romantic partner in particular).

But in a companion scenario, it's something that, I think, has to be triggered. The best trigger I could come up with is Saphrin meeting someone who used to be close with Tanrien (a friend or a family member), which forces Saphrin to reflect on this event that he was trying to move on from for 11 years since his escape. It would also allow him to gain some new perspectives and insight into the situation from other companions, NPCs and the 'player'. Most likely it would have to ultimately come down to Tanrien, as he is the catalyst of this entire thing. I think quite a big part of it all would be Saphrin thinking which course of action would be right to both honor his faith and Tanrien's memory. 

In theory, it would result in two conclusions:

1) Saphrin decides that the main reason for his faith is penance for what he did to Tanrien and that the ultimate fulfillment of his beliefs would be giving himself up to be killed (and potentially tortured) by the person who lost someone dear to them due to Saphrin's actions. Eilistraee, after all, teaches to strike down evil without hesitation. He should be a villain from Tanrien's perspective, and he certainly is one from Tanrien's confidant's. And he is evil, is he not? Why else would he be so violent, why else would he still say cruel things without thinking, why else would he recall his soldier days with such warmth? Perhaps the reason his goddess reached out to him in the first place would be for Saphrin to reach this exact conclusion - he himself is the evil that needs to be struck down, to make this world better for everyone. It would end with Saphrin vowing that once they deal with the Absolute, he would be at the mercy of Tanrien's friend/family member. This obviously being the aforementioned bad option, because you keep reinforcing Saphrin's guilt and saying that even though Saphrin basically had no real choice but to commit horrible actions in the name of Lolth, even though right now he is acting as a force of good and helping everyone he meets, ultimately his penance is more important and he should be punished for what he did.

2) Saphrin decides that the main reason for his faith is the happiness of the ones he loves and cares about. It may not be about some abstract greater good or divine balance of good and evil, but it's something he wasn't able to repay Tanrien with, because it was too late for him. Saphrin's spiritual fulfillment would be seeing his friends and lover happy, unburdened, loved, as he himself was once deprived of all this prior to meeting his 'savior'. So, in this scenario, Saphrin would come to Tanrien's friend/family member and ask for their forgiveness. He would say that they are not obligated to forgive him or even believe that his guilt is genuine, but the only thing he can't afford right now is give up and die. He wants to show other people in the world that there's someone who cares about them, even if it's only one person. Even if it's just an adventurer passing by on his quest. The greatest feat he can perform in service to Lady Silverhair is showing the same kindness he once received himself. Even if it's something little, because sometimes that little something is enough to save someone's life. And, as it seems, the best way to bring happiness to the lives of his friends and lover, would be to stay with them, love them, be loved by them and, most importantly, allow himself to be happy too.

So, as you can see, there's not a lot of incentive to go the first route unless you actually believe that Saphrin should be punished no matter what, or if you become susceptible to his latent suicidal tendencies and start believing it's something he genuinely wants and needs.

Although, I don't know, maybe I'm a bit blindsided by my obvious love for my own child and there actually would be some demand for the first route, if only for the sake of tragedy or evil roleplay. Maybe it can be made to look like a desirable option through Saphrin continually insisting that it's something he should do. Idk.

The other angle could be Saphrin implying that your incessant attempts to change his mind are in some way an attempt to control him and his decisions. This could even work well for a romance-based conflict, because Saphrin has experience of being with a lover he did not love or want in any way, but who he was too afraid to cross, thus securing the time they were together as one of the most miserable parts of his life.

He probably would also need to distance himself from Eilistraee a bit (I'm thinking of him neglecting to perform his Evensong now and then because he's too ashamed of 'telling' her what's going on with him), because I can't imagine Eilistraee being entirely on board with Saphrin's wack logic. And yeah, it's kinda implied Saphrin is following Eilistraee's dogmas without fully understanding them (as I said before, compulsory faith), mostly because he's so deep in self-flagellation that he doesn't even notice the contradictions. Perhaps because of being raised as a Lolthite, he even subconsciously focuses more on the destructive/restrictive parts of the code and the perceived punishment rather than the overall hopeful messaging.