#sfw roll: nat 1

[yourplayersaidwhat]

*druid shapeshifts into a massive spider*

*party encounters an ogre*

druid - well fuck, i got too many legs for this 

bard - bite its dick off

druid - …..

DM - *sigh* roll.

druid - NAT 20

*bites the ogres dick off, ogre dies immediately*

bard - dick biter the killer spider 

*entire party loses it*

[avocadosfromfigaro]

LET’S GET DOWN TO BARDNESS

AND SEDUCE

SOME HOES

[nugatorysheep]

Wip Title Game

Tagged by @novantinuum

Rules: Make a new post with the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs

I am not tagging 50 million people so @extranuts @flaretheskywing @dragonuva @roseetube post some WIP titles cowards

I have several docs that are just meant to be informative that I'm not listing because there's not much to talk about with them, and a TON of unfinished art that is like pre 2022 that will def not get done ever so its been yeeted into my Untouchables folder and also isn't listed here lmao

For convenience, I've taken out any duplicate files that are the same thing but in a different format

As you can see I have three brands of naming conventions for my files: Objective, Boring Name that just Is What It Is, Song Title and/or Lyric, and Shit Post Cause I Was Tired

Lord help me I have SO many WIPS

(Non-Informational) Writing Wips:

Bad End FOM Fic Beguiler of Wills Burning despair does ache Chapter 9: What does it matter how my heart breaks Drabbles Druidbreak Ficlet FOM WIP Doc Glimpses of life denial WIP IDK what to call this but yeah IEOE stuff idk Intermission XXX: Separate Ways Intermission XXX - Last moments of pure recall Intermission XXX - Look in my eyes she still holds the power Intermission XXX - The way ahead feels lonely Intermission XXX - Loss of want back there Pit AU - Editing Prism R&C Soundtrack Breakdown Six Forty Seven Slug it out Tell Me Something Good

Art Wips (I have a million of these):

[shoves hand in abdomen for the symbolism or some shit].clip ask.psd Axel Sketches.clip baneful bunker.png beat up boys.clip Beyond Bliss Gems Lineup.clip Bliss rose stuff for later.clip break the bank.clip chompers.png Connverse dump.clip Cupid dump.clip Druid x Sven x Sonny.clip Dryad sketches.clip EINF Steven.clip evil boi.clip evil leo doodles.clip Eye contact.clip Fab fly floret.clip failure 01.clip Frame of Mind Sketchbook.clip Fusion Chart.clip gay as fuck to be a test subject. what are you testing, your capacity for homosexual desires.clip (this is one long ass title lol) goober.clip Haven't you noticed I'm a star.clip He can say it cause i said so.clip he yeeteth and yoinknth away.clip HEARTBREAK SPINEL REF.clip homie rolled a nat one on genetics fr.clip HONEY REF.clip i am so fucking hungry bro imma make noodles 1.png (there's 4 it's a comic) I have made a new boy.clip Illustration (2).clip Illustration (3).clip Illustration.clip Illustration2 (2).clip Illustration2.clip Inner Demons.clip it triggered his flight or fight response.clip Karma Sketchbook.clip lazer_eyes-3A4E6.clip Lemme tell you what it's like to be a Zero.clip Loss Dot Jaypeg.png me.clip Mermay HB.clip mermay.clip MINOTUAR MAN.clip mirror_gem_designs.clip ML Stevonnie.clip munchmunch.clip Nova Artfight 2.clip Now that it's raining more than ever.clip old man lizard.clip oops all pain lol.clip open arms.clip Pasture crew.clip rare dizzy art.clip Real.mdp Ref wips.clip Sarkhan's Dragonfire.clip Save a horse ride a cowboy.clip Say that again i dare you.clip Screenshot 2023-09-23 001021.png Senkywenky.clip SFW Sketchbook.clip ShatteredStar.clip Show off those guns.clip Slugman the second coming.clip Snaps and snarls.clip so what's the point of holding tight onto my feet.clip Soap.clip some mtg quote.clip Space faggot.clip spongebob window meme.clip Starnheim_Unleashed.psd STEVEN ON LION.clip SU AU Battle Cuts.clip SUDF page redraw.clip Suneater.clip SUTREK.clip Take A Breath.clip Talking to Myself Redraw 1.clip (there are several of these it's a comic) THE SUN IS GETTING LOW.clip THERE IS NO MANA IN THIS AIR.clip they love each other.clip this was supposed to be shoes idk what happened.png Throwing boys at the wall to see what sticks.clip Tourmaline.clip Tower of boys.clip Trolls bullshit.clip tumblr bait purple rabbit man but the lame version [springtrap did it better].clip uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit idk.clip Union of Love.clip wahho.clip Welcome to the grid user.clip Welcome to the grid user.png Will you be satified.clip wip 02.clip You're MINE.clip zoo doodles.clip ZOOLOGY GEMS REF TWO.clip

[yourplayersaidwhat]

(Context: we just killed a noblewoman and lit her manor on fire) 

Barbarian: I want to piss in the fire! Do I need to roll to piss? 

DM: No— 

Barbarian: piss saving throw 

DM: Okay fine, roll to piss 

Barbarian: 18! 

DM: It’s the best piss of your life. You walk out of the manor in slow-mo like a cool movie moment, and you’re— 

Cleric: Put that away!

[yourplayersaidwhat]

“damn, she got them DnD’s”

Fighter, after DM described a very well endowed bar maid

[yourplayersaidwhat]

Party is captured, and met an NPC who claims to have something valuable in his “flesh pocket”

Rogue: *quietly rolls a nat 20 in the roll20 chat*

DM: Are you trying to stealth fist him?!

[yourplayersaidwhat]

"It's my character, and I get to decide how big his dick is!"

- The party rogue

[yourplayersaidwhat]

“My whole mindflussy is out”

-the Sorcerer turned into a Mindflayer last session and has yet to be clothed

[yourplayersaidwhat]

dm (describing a tunnel): everything around you is wet… there are cobwebs floor to ceiling…

wizard: me in the pussy if i’m being totally honest

[yourplayersaidwhat]

"She's hot, domineering, and went straight for my neck. That does things to people"

[yourplayersaidwhat]

"You can peg a train if you want, that's okay"

[yourplayersaidwhat]

(Context: my warforged Martin was raised by warmongering scientists and knows very little about anything other than war. Warlock, who is in love with the artificer (it's mutual and they're both in denial), told him that boobs can be distracting and he bought metallic detachable boobs as a tactical advantage to distract enemies. The artificer, who has not seen the boobs yet, is helping Martin install a module that would allow him to taste)

Artificer: *gestures at his clothes* take those off.

Martin takes off his cloak, revealing the boobs.

Artificer, who was not expecting that, doesn't know how to react.

Martin: so they work! They are distracting!

Artificer: what works?

Martin: Warlock told me that boobs are distracting when I asked about you being distracted by her boobs. I can take them off it they're distracting. *Takes them off*

Artificer, trying to remain composed: put your boobs back on, Martin

[yourplayersaidwhat]

Context: Non d&d game. New player joined an ongoing game late. She was leveled to match the group, but only got starting gear, which does NOT include armor.

Prospector: "Hey, I can't find my +2 agility boots. Did we give those to you?"

Druid: "Nope. You gave me a healing herb...I have no clothing items. Does that mean I'm naked?"

Gunslinger: "Well, you have your starting gear."

Druid: "My starting gear was a staff and a small neck pouch that contains five stones that I can use to help me transform into my animal shapes."

Gunslinger: "Oh shit. Yeah, book says those are the only start items for this character. You can draw from this magic item deck with your level 4 level up."

Druid: "I got an arrow head which gives me +1 to magic."

Gunslinger: "To be fair, we got into combat before we noticed she was naked...so we could hand wave that she was a mouse the whole time we were walking?"

Prospector: "Okay...so we found a mouse on the side of the road and she turns into a naked woman?"

Druid: "Apparently! But I think naked with boots on would feel more naked then just being naked."

[yourplayersaidwhat]

Wizard: I would like to spread the rumor that Lord Montague has a small dick.

*rolls dice*

Wizard: I rolled a natural 20.

*later in the session, while gathering information about robberies in the area*

Wizard 2: have your heard anything at your local Tavern?

NPC: I hear Lord Montague has a small dick.

[yourplayersaidwhat]

Warforged Bard: If I ever had a child, I'd give them away.

DM: How would you even have kids?

Bard (OOC): You don't know what my body looks like.

DM: Well you're a warforged so I assume there's nothing down there!

Bard (OOC): You dare disrespect my robussy? In this house?

[yourplayersaidwhat]

"there are no visible genitalia here"

- me, the DM, after a player asked to kick a giant squid octopus demon lord in the balls.