#sexty

[rhesmy]

[vannezen]

[rosemaryannethyme]

Beware of wine tipsy posts….

[acelessthan3]

Looking through old dream journals and found one that's just 250 words of me getting DP'd in a sex dream on the same night that I had a different dream that healed my cartilage piercing.

[mister-eames]

When you wake up to a (very likely) flirty snap from a colleague who sent it at midnight, whilst (very likely) drunk, and (very likely) regretting it this morning, do you:

A) Pretend you never saw it B) Open it and reply that morning and be like ‘ahaha ur funny see you at work tomorrow’ C) Pretend you lost your phone in the Pacific Ocean D) Wait to reply until they’re drunk again tonight so they’re less embarrassed E) Question all your life choices, quit your job and move abroad.

[galaxianpatrol]

[kleopatra45]

Aspects of Saturn in the Natal Chart

☌ Saturn Conjunct Other Planets

Conjunctions can be both positive and negative. On the positive side, they combine the energies of the planets involved, enhancing their qualities and creating a powerful synergy. This can result in heightened strengths and abilities in the areas governed by the conjunct planets. On the negative side, conjunctions can amplify challenging traits, potentially leading to imbalances or conflicts if the combined energies are not well-integrated or harmonized.

Saturn Conjunct Sun

Saturn conjunct Sun brings a strong sense of responsibility and discipline. You are practical and ambitious, often striving for long-term goals with perseverance. This aspect enhances your ability to overcome obstacles and achieve success through hard work and dedication. It encourages you to develop a mature and realistic approach to life.

Saturn Conjunct Moon

Saturn conjunct Moon fosters emotional resilience and stability. You may experience challenges in expressing your emotions, but this aspect helps you build inner strength. It encourages you to face emotional difficulties with patience and discipline, ultimately leading to emotional maturity and a strong sense of self-reliance.

Saturn Conjunct Mercury

Saturn conjunct Mercury enhances your focus and analytical abilities. You are disciplined in your thinking and communication, often preferring structured and logical approaches. This aspect encourages you to develop patience and precision in your intellectual pursuits, leading to success through careful planning and diligent effort.

Saturn Conjunct Venus

Saturn conjunct Venus brings a serious and committed approach to relationships and finances. You value stability and responsibility in love and material matters. This aspect encourages you to develop lasting and meaningful connections through patience and effort, while also fostering a disciplined approach to financial security.

Saturn Conjunct Mars

Saturn conjunct Mars combines ambition with discipline. You are determined and persistent in pursuing your goals, often facing challenges with resilience. This aspect encourages you to channel your energy and drive in a focused and strategic manner, leading to long-term success through hard work and perseverance.

Saturn Conjunct Jupiter

Saturn conjunct Jupiter blends optimism with practicality. You balance expansive visions with disciplined effort, fostering steady growth. This aspect supports long-term success through strategic planning and perseverance, helping you achieve your ambitions with a practical approach.

Saturn Conjunct Uranus

Saturn conjunct Uranus blends tradition with innovation. You have a unique ability to balance structure with a desire for change. This aspect encourages you to integrate new ideas within established frameworks, leading to breakthroughs and progress through disciplined creativity.

Saturn Conjunct Neptune

Saturn conjunct Neptune combines realism with idealism. You have the ability to bring your dreams into reality through disciplined effort. This aspect encourages you to pursue your spiritual and creative goals with practicality and perseverance, fostering a grounded approach to your aspirations.

Saturn Conjunct Pluto

Saturn conjunct Pluto brings transformative power to your ambitions. You pursue your goals with intensity and depth, often facing profound challenges. This aspect encourages you to harness your inner strength and resilience to achieve significant personal and professional transformations.

⚹ Saturn Sextile Other Planets

Sextiles are positive aspects that encourage cooperation and the easy flow of energies between the involved planets. This harmonious connection facilitates smooth interactions and enhances the beneficial qualities of each planet, leading to supportive and constructive outcomes. The ease of this aspect promotes opportunities for growth, creativity, and positive developments in the areas influenced by the sextile.

Saturn Sextile Sun

Saturn sextile Sun supports your ambition with discipline and practicality. You are focused and determined, attracting opportunities for steady progress. This aspect encourages you to pursue your goals with a realistic and strategic approach, leading to long-term success through consistent effort.

Saturn Sextile Moon

Saturn sextile Moon brings emotional stability and resilience. You are able to handle emotional challenges with patience and discipline. This aspect encourages you to develop a mature and realistic approach to your emotions, fostering inner strength and emotional growth.

Saturn Sextile Mercury

Saturn sextile Mercury enhances your analytical and communication skills. You are disciplined in your thinking and prefer structured approaches to problem-solving. This aspect supports intellectual growth and success through careful planning and diligent effort in your pursuits.

Saturn Sextile Venus

Saturn sextile Venus brings opportunities for stable and committed relationships. You value responsibility and loyalty in love and material matters. This aspect encourages you to build lasting connections and achieve financial security through patience and disciplined effort.

Saturn Sextile Mars

Saturn sextile Mars provides opportunities for focused and strategic action. You are determined and persistent in pursuing your goals. This aspect supports your ambitions by encouraging you to channel your energy and drive in a disciplined manner, leading to long-term success.

Saturn Sextile Jupiter

Saturn sextile Jupiter blends growth with discipline. You attract opportunities through strategic planning and perseverance. This aspect supports steady progress and long-term success, helping you balance optimism with practical efforts to achieve your ambitions.

Saturn Sextile Uranus

Saturn sextile Uranus offers chances to integrate innovation within established frameworks. You balance tradition with a desire for change, attracting opportunities for breakthroughs. This aspect encourages disciplined creativity and progress through a strategic approach to new ideas.

Saturn Sextile Neptune

Saturn sextile Neptune enhances your ability to bring dreams into reality. You combine realism with idealism, pursuing your spiritual and creative goals with practicality. This aspect supports the manifestation of your aspirations through disciplined effort and a grounded approach.

Saturn Sextile Pluto

Saturn sextile Pluto brings transformative opportunities through disciplined effort. You approach your goals with intensity and depth, often achieving profound changes. This aspect encourages harnessing your inner strength and resilience to achieve significant personal and professional transformations.

□ Saturn Square Other Planets

Squares are negative aspects that create tension and challenges between the involved planets, prompting growth through conflict. This dynamic aspect often leads to struggles and obstacles that need to be overcome, pushing individuals to address and resolve the underlying issues. The friction generated by squares can be difficult to navigate, but it ultimately encourages personal development and resilience as one learns to balance and harmonize the conflicting energies.

Saturn Square Sun

Saturn square Sun creates tension between your ambitions and practical limitations. You may face challenges in balancing your goals with realistic efforts. This aspect encourages learning patience and perseverance, helping you overcome obstacles through disciplined and strategic planning.

Saturn Square Moon

Saturn square Moon can lead to emotional difficulties and feelings of restriction. You may struggle with expressing your emotions, but this aspect encourages developing emotional resilience and maturity. Learning patience and discipline helps you navigate emotional challenges.

Saturn Square Mercury

Saturn square Mercury may lead to challenges in communication and thinking. You might struggle with balancing your analytical abilities with practical considerations. This aspect encourages developing patience and precision in your intellectual pursuits, fostering growth through disciplined effort.

Saturn Square Venus

Saturn square Venus can result in challenges in relationships and finances. You may face difficulties in balancing your desires with practical needs. This aspect encourages learning patience and responsibility, fostering stable and committed connections through disciplined effort.

Saturn Square Mars

Saturn square Mars can create tension between your ambition and practical limitations. You may face challenges in balancing your drive with realistic efforts. This aspect encourages developing patience and strategic planning, helping you achieve long-term success through disciplined action.

Saturn Square Jupiter

Saturn square Jupiter creates tension between your expansive visions and practical realities. You may struggle with balancing optimism with realistic efforts. This aspect encourages learning patience and refining your approach, fostering long-term success through disciplined planning.

Saturn Square Uranus

Saturn square Uranus can bring challenges in balancing tradition with innovation. You may face disruptions and conflicts between established structures and new ideas. This aspect encourages developing patience and adaptability, fostering progress through a disciplined approach to change.

Saturn Square Neptune

Saturn square Neptune can lead to confusion and challenges in balancing dreams with practical goals. You may struggle with unrealistic expectations and idealistic pursuits. This aspect encourages finding clarity and realism in your pursuits, fostering growth through disciplined effort.

Saturn Square Pluto

Saturn square Pluto can create intense challenges and power struggles. You may face obstacles in achieving your ambitions due to conflicting desires and practical limitations. This aspect encourages transforming your approach and harnessing inner strength to overcome significant challenges and achieve growth.

△ Saturn Trine Other Planets

Trines are positive aspects that create a smooth and beneficial connection between the involved planets, enhancing talents and creating a sense of ease. This harmonious aspect facilitates the natural flow of energy, making it easier to express and develop the qualities associated with the planets. Trines often lead to emotional balance, inner harmony, and an overall sense of well-being, as the supportive nature of this aspect encourages the effortless integration of strengths and abilities.

Saturn Trine Sun

Saturn trine Sun brings a harmonious balance between ambition and discipline. You are focused and determined, often achieving success through steady and consistent effort. This aspect supports long-term goals and encourages a realistic and practical approach to your pursuits.

Saturn Trine Moon

Saturn trine Moon enhances your emotional stability and resilience. You handle emotional challenges with patience and maturity. This aspect supports a realistic and disciplined approach to your emotions, fostering inner strength and emotional growth.

Saturn Trine Mercury

Saturn trine Mercury boosts your analytical and communication abilities. You approach problem-solving with discipline and precision. This aspect supports intellectual growth and success through careful planning and a structured approach to your pursuits.

Saturn Trine Venus

Saturn trine Venus brings stability and commitment to your relationships and finances. You value responsibility and loyalty in love and material matters. This aspect supports building lasting connections and achieving financial security through disciplined effort and patience.

Saturn Trine Mars

Saturn trine Mars enhances your ambition and determination. You pursue your goals with focus and persistence, often achieving success through strategic actions. This aspect supports your ambitions by encouraging a disciplined and practical approach to your endeavors.

Saturn Trine Jupiter

Saturn trine Jupiter balances growth with discipline. You approach your ambitions with a realistic and optimistic mindset, supporting steady progress. This aspect fosters long-term success through strategic planning and perseverance, blending visionary goals with practical efforts.

Saturn Trine Uranus

Saturn trine Uranus enhances your ability to balance tradition with innovation. You integrate new ideas within established frameworks, leading to progress and breakthroughs. This aspect supports disciplined creativity and a strategic approach to embracing change.

Saturn Trine Neptune

Saturn trine Neptune boosts your ability to bring dreams into reality. You combine realism with idealism, pursuing your spiritual and creative goals with practicality. This aspect supports the manifestation of your aspirations through disciplined effort and a grounded approach.

Saturn Trine Pluto

Saturn trine Pluto brings transformative power to your ambitions. You pursue your goals with intensity and depth, often achieving profound changes. This aspect encourages harnessing your inner strength and resilience to achieve significant personal and professional transformations.

☍ Saturn Opposition Other Planets

Oppositions in astrology create a dynamic of tension and awareness between the energies of the planets involved. This aspect often highlights contrasting needs and urges individuals to find a balance between them. While oppositions can create challenges, they also provide opportunities for growth and integration as one learns to navigate the tension between opposing forces.

Saturn Opposite Sun

Saturn opposite Sun creates tension between your ambitions and practical realities. You may face challenges due to conflicting desires and limitations. Finding balance between your goals and realistic efforts is key, encouraging growth through learning from experiences and adapting your approach.

Saturn Opposite Moon

Saturn opposite Moon can create tension between emotional needs and practical considerations. You may face challenges in balancing your emotions with realistic expectations. This aspect encourages developing emotional resilience and maturity, fostering growth through disciplined effort.

Saturn Opposite Mercury

Saturn opposite Mercury can lead to conflicts between your analytical abilities and practical thinking. You may struggle with balancing your intellect with realistic considerations. This aspect encourages finding clarity and developing patience in your communication and intellectual pursuits.

Saturn Opposite Venus

Saturn opposite Venus creates tension between your desires and practical needs. You may face challenges in balancing relationships and material matters. This aspect encourages learning patience and responsibility, fostering stable and committed connections through disciplined effort.

Saturn Opposite Mars

Saturn opposite Mars can lead to conflicts between your ambition and practical limitations. You may struggle with balancing your drive with realistic efforts. This aspect encourages developing patience and strategic planning, helping you achieve long-term success through disciplined action.

Saturn Opposite Jupiter

Saturn opposite Jupiter creates tension between your expansive visions and practical realities. You may struggle with balancing optimism and realistic efforts. This aspect encourages learning patience and refining your approach, fostering long-term success through disciplined planning.

Saturn Opposite Uranus

Saturn opposite Uranus can bring tension between tradition and innovation. You may face conflicts between established structures and new ideas. This aspect encourages finding balance between stability and change, fostering growth through disciplined adaptability.

Saturn Opposite Neptune

Saturn opposite Neptune creates tension between your ideals and practical goals. You may struggle with balancing dreams and realistic efforts. This aspect encourages finding clarity and realism in your pursuits, fostering growth through disciplined effort and a grounded approach.

Saturn Opposite Pluto

Saturn opposite Pluto can bring intense challenges and power struggles. You may face obstacles in achieving your ambitions due to conflicting desires and practical limitations. This aspect encourages transforming your approach and harnessing inner strength to overcome significant challenges and achieve growth.

©️kleopatra45

[haggishlyhagging]

Waiting is part of the stereotyped role for women—a large part. Waiting to grow, for breasts and hips to fill out, to wear lipstick, perfume, brassieres: waiting to star in the big role—man enticer. Waiting to be asked for a date. Waiting for the phone to ring. Waiting, waiting for the phone to ring. Waiting to be asked to dance. Waiting to be asked to go steady. Waiting to be asked to marry. Always waiting for someone else to act. Passively, miserably waiting.

And if the phone doesn't ring? If no one asks? If you wait, and wait, and wait, and Prince Charming doesn't come riding up? What can you do?

In the fifties, when I was a young woman, there was nothing you could do and still be considered decent. Being able to choose and act on that choice was a privilege reserved for men. That should have told me something. I think it did, but I didn't want—or didn't know how—to deal with it at the time. So I put it away in that deep unconscious filing cabinet reserved for matters which must have frightened me with their too-clear implications of female servitude and subordination. It took me forty-two years of gathering such data unbeknownst to myself before I finally accumulated more than my file could hold and it burst open, forcing me to look.

Waiting is one of the earmarks of subservience. As Milton truly says, "They also serve who only stand and wait." Waiting is a service. The words waitress, lady-in-waiting, waiter are all service titles. Waiting delineates rank. Sergeants don't keep colonels waiting, but generals do. Teachers don't keep principals waiting, but superintendents do. Those in power can make their subordinates wait, can expect them to wait. To keep someone waiting is manipulation, a method of maintaining control; it is a way of announcing and wielding power.

My unconscious servitude to Rick began early in our courtship. I remember sitting on a bench by the service station for several hours while he fixed his car. It was an unspoken assumption in my youth that girls loved to keep boys company during such times, liked to hold things for them, enjoyed watching them clean the points, or change the brake shoes. Having their girl hovering around must have been like having their own private cheerleader. Girls did it because we wanted to be with them more than they wanted to be with us. We were more emotionally dependent upon them, as we had been trained to be. We needed to be around them, and though they liked having us around, they had other interests in their lives. We had been trained to have only one major interest, despite all the other things we might do, and that was them. Not because it is any more natural for us females to be dependent and to base our entire lives upon some male's approval and presence, but because patriarchy socialized us thus. It is great for male egos. It is catastrophic for ours.

But I didn't get a real taste of the despotism of waiting until Rick discovered the computer at the University of Minnesota. The next ten years were one long struggle against the humiliation of being constantly rejected for the computer—Rick's "iron mistress," his "three sexty." Ten years of being completely forgotten for whole days and suddenly remembered apologetically, of my putting the uneaten supper away and going to bed at midnight or one or two A.M., not having heard from Rick since morning when he promised to be home by six.

That he should have thought it natural to keep a human being waiting for six, seven, twelve hours without word made it clear to me again and again how he thought of me, how not completely human I was to him, how much just a part of himself—not a separate or real person to be taken seriously, or about whose esteem he needed to worry. He would never have kept any male friend whose friendship he valued waiting so consistently for years. No peer would have put up with it.

At the time, I thought it was all my fault. If I were more interesting, more sexy, more something, he would want to come home to me. I blamed myself, when the fault lay in Rick's patriarchal world view.

Part of the unwritten definition of wife is: the one who waits.

I tried to tell Rick over those long years how often I felt rejected and figuratively slapped in the face. I couldn't help but believe he secretly enjoyed the idea of my waiting for him, the constant service of wondering and worrying about him in his absence. Surely there was something more behind his making me wait than mere forgetfulness. He was an extremely intelligent man, but I couldn't get him to understand how deeply he wounded me by showing disdain for the hours of my life I wasted in waiting for him and for the hurt and rage and erosion of love for him this brought about in my heart.

And through it all, I must never make him wait for me. I must never reverse the sadomasochistic game. Yet by calling it that, I admit my own collusion in it. Years ago I should have ceased to care unduly when he came or went, should have planned my life as I wanted without consulting his. Should simply not have allowed him to tyrannize and manipulate me. But I knew that the moment I refused to supply this apparently necessary ego support, I would lose him.

And I did. When I became interested in the ERA, he often had to wait for me—to get off the phone, to come home from meetings, to come to bed. I ceased to pay much attention to when he came and went. I no longer cared a great deal when he was hours late or rejoiced overmuch when he was early. My life no longer centered around him, as his had never centered around me. I began to live an independent life, such as only men are entitled to. That's when I overstepped my bounds and it was all over.

And I've thought since, with considerable wryness, how for nineteen years I waited for him, and how he couldn't wait for me for one.

-Sonia Johnson, From Housewife to Heretic

[fuckmuttkim]

hiii im kimmy/kim. im 24, 6ft, hairy as fuck, post op top surgery, ftm stoner bottom (whew thats a mouthful lol). i made this acct to be horny and express my filth freely.

I AM A MAN. don’t misgender me.

minors obviously DO NOT INTERACT!!!!!! you’ll get blocked immediately, i’m not fucking around. i get being curious, but wait til you’re an adult.

anyways, i wanna be a slut online. heres some stuff-

im super into; breeding, cockwarming, edging, (light) cnc, humiliation, body + pussy worship, size difference, (light) degradation, praise, free use, guided+mutual masturbation, somno, exhibitionism/public stuff, intox (weed), overstim, annnnd ye i’ll probably add more to this :)

NOT into; anal, misgendering/detrans, ageplay, raceplay, vom (i’m emetophobic) or anything unhygienic, weaponplay, deepthroating, etc. i’ll probably think of more to add here but chances are if its along these lines, i won’t enjoy it.

blow up my inbox :) ask me qs’, tell me what to do, give me instructions, talk dirty to me. i’m horny and i like attention. and i’m pretty good at following directions :3 pls don’t get romantic with me, i don’t mind fantasies and sexty friends, but im not looking for anything serious <3

*sometimes it takes me a minuet to respond to pms. i get nervous and kinda shy lol. im also a full time employee n pretty much on call: meaning my activity on here varies and is a bit spontaneous ! tags: for asks #answered • not my posts #please :)

[sommerregenjuniluft]

old dogs this, dilf wolfstar that—

JEGULUS would be the type of old husbands that go Traveling.,, like just spend half of their fucking fortune (the other half is spent on their kid(s) & grandkids) on seeing the world. competitively trying to surf for the first time at age 35 (it goes as expected, which is not at all), going on an exotic dance cruise ship where they learn tango and what not at age 45. at 55 Regulus insists they need to do hiking in iceland before they get too old for the incessant chill being a threat to their creaky joints, followed by a decade long obsession with asia in their sexties. they venture into the US for a bit, and Regulus complains all the time and James drags him around to different states and cities but ultimately also ends up hating on it, so they’re around 70 and fuck off back to Europe. They visit London all the time of course, their family. Bearing souvenirs and gifts and staying for weeks at a time before James starts getting too blunt and honest & Regulus starts being too prickly and suddenly they’re finding themselves with one way plane tickets to Argentina in a taxi Harry payed for them<33 safari tours in africa in their 80s!! they can’t see shit anymore, Regulus is deaf on one ear and James is almost legally blind but they have binoculars and the audacity!!!!!

[shiftythrifting]

finds from the brass armadillo in denver!

1. the viagramobile

2. vinnie, guardian of the tampons- "Know your flow!"

3. kewpie who definitely did NOT just stash a lighter and gas can behind the other doll, nope! she's innocent

4. horrid "bird-baby" earrings that i brought home with me and will be worn all the time

5. "sex to sexty for sexty sex!" a dirty poetry book series with at least 3 volumes and not a single page didnt violate tumblr's anti-titty policies

6. gaze into her soulful eyes and Understand.

7. "... and the cow jumped over the poot!"

8. devious debbie, the kewpie's look-out.

9. A Thing™️

10. when you are mean to me online, this is who you are being mean to :'c

[k3m1y4]

‘ I’m walking my fish! ‘

megumi x gn!reader ! pt. 1

tw: megumi x reader before i post the other fic imo. i can’t rearrange my photos anymoree :( had to make a solution to it ehe, i don’t mind the problem but it’s annoying ngl. ooc! megumi? nicknames like megs, ass, etc. swearing is included.

plot: showing megumi your newly bought fish:D!

pt. 2, pt. 3, can’t write bc of the picture it keeps bringing me back up to the top on the app app so i’m on the website:D

4:01 AM

‘ 5 missed calls. ’

megs:

Why the fuck would you call me at 4:00 in the morning?

you:

actually it’s 4:01 in the morning 🤓👆

megs:

I do not fucking care, what do you want?

you:

i want you to make out with me in the bathroom until someone comes in and watches us in horror 😫

megs:

You are fucking crazy. I’m leaving.

you:

wait no don’t leave 🥺🥺😫 my pookie wookie precious succumb baby daddy baby girl my little cupcake don’t go and leave me in the depths of wretching dark despair of pain and loneliness as my kneels will fall to the ground and widen with regret and sorrow till the world will mass to the destuction as the fire will crackle as i burn with a that drenches the wound in my heart 😭😭😫😫😫😫😢😢😢😭😭

megs:

you did not.

you:

yes i did, please don’t leave. i can beg if you want my bbg sextie my friend with benefits 😍😍😍 (i am secretly weeping in sorrow and grief, please don’t leave.)

megs:

just tell me what is your problem.

you:

before you leave, can i please show you something 🥺😔😔 (i am on my knees and i will praise you and beg you to death even if it causes my life to death, what I for deserve since ever my flaws existed within my shadow of the reflection i fear 😔…)

megs:

can you stop with your stupid essays. show me before i leave you on read.

you:

look at the lil fishies i bought yesterday ofmfsff

—END—

[rmd-writes]

I had to consult with @welcometololaland (that’s a tag for you, love) to find an appropriate snippet from call me to share with you today - this will likely be the last snippet either of us can share from this fic because we’re getting to the pointy end and it’s all spoilers from here on out!

Have some chaos!owen aka our favourite brand of Owen:

“Carlos, you’d know about this,” Owen says. TK would like the floor to open up and swallow him whole, no matter how interested he might be in the fact that his dad is implying that Carlos is either on Grindr or sexting. Both? The fact that his dad is even tangentially aware of this frightens him though.

Carlos drops his spoon. “Uh…”

“You know, because you do those talks in schools don’t you? To teach the kids about being safe online and not sending sexty texts.”

“Dad!”

“Maybe I should go,” Carlos says, pushing back his chair. “This seems like, um, a family matter.” He looks frantically around the rest of the table, where the rest of the crew are eating as if this happens all the time. To TK’s eternal regret and humiliation, it does.

“No, Carlos. Stay, finish your dinner,” Owen insists.

“I’m so sorry,” TK says to Carlos.

He shakes his head and looks at his watch. “It’s fine, really. I can’t stay for much longer anyway.”

“Please at least finish your dinner, Carlos. Don’t let my dad scare you away. He’s done talking about this now, aren’t you, Dad.” TK doesn’t phrase it as a question.

Owen raises both hands. “Yep. Done talking about that. For now. You and I are continuing this conversation later, though son.”

“We aren’t, actually.”

“You know, you look like your mother when you look at me like that.” TK rolls his eyes but sees that Carlos has at least pulled his chair back in and looks like he’s about to start eating again.

Tags under the cut!

thank you to @kiwiana-writes @three-drink-amy @strandnreyes @heartstringsduet @firenati0n @vineofroses @orchidscript @lemonlyman-dotcom @wordsofhoneydew @read-and-write- @itsmaybitheway @alrightbuckaroo @cha-melodius @hippolotamus for the tags today

And tagging @liminalmemories21 @lightningboltreader @mikibwrites @porcelainmortal @carlos-in-glasses @goodways @reyesstrand @chicgeekgirl89 @indestructibleheart @ships-to-sail @stereopticons @fitzherbertssmolder @happiness-of-the-pursuit @anincompletelist and OPEN TAG

(I’ve got no idea who’s already done this, so sorry if you’ve already posted today! 💖)

[lemonscreams]

OMMETAPHOBIA WARNING

shipwrecked sexty for

aaaah man i love this game so much ^^ makes me go yippie

[galaxianpatrol]

[sefkattuyu]

10 Kasım 2024

Grup çalışmamız olduğu için pazar öğleden sonra okulda toplandık. Semiha haftasonu çalışma kağıdına ismini yazmayı unuttuğundan okula giremiyordu. Durum böyle olunca hep birlikte kahve içmeyi teklif ettim. Gülüştük, sohbet ettik. Büşra'yla geçen hafta ettiğimiz kavgadan sonra aramızdaki gerginlik kırılmış oldu. Zaten en iyi söyleyen grup bizdik. Birbirimizle yakınlaşmış olmanın bize daha iyi geleceğini düşündüm.

Armağan içmeyi teklif etti o sırada. Önce dağıldık. Akşam olunca Eray, ben, Armağan barda buluştuk. Hoş sohbet başladı her şey. Bora'yı aklımdan uzak tutmaya çalışıyordum.

Bardan çıkarken kafam epey güzeldi. Arabayı Armağan kullandı. Erayla ikisi ev arkadaşıydı.

Evin altındaki büfeye uğrayıp eve çıktık. Armağan bütün akşam bana hiçbir şey ödetmemişti. Bora'nın bana aldığı fıstıklar takıldı gözüme.

"Bora bana bu fıstıklardan almıştı." dedim yine sesli düşünerek.

"Ne istiyorsan al ben Bora falan tanımam." dedi Armağan.

"Yok." dedim. "Teşekkür ederim."

O fıstıklar Bora'ya özeldi benim gözümde. O aldı diye güzeldi.

"Keşke cips de alsaydık." dedi Eray eve çıktığımızda.

"Benim evde var, alıp geleyim." dedim. Çok yakın oturuyorduk.

Armağan eve giderken bana eşlik etti. Birlikte cips poşetini alıp asansöre geri bindik. Kolunu bana atmıştı. Yüzü yüzüme çok yakındı. Biraz daha eğildi. Sonra öptü. Öpüşü güzeldi. Yumuşaktı. Asansör 0'a inince onu kendimden uzaklaştırdım.

"Ne ara geldik ya!" dedi gülerek.

Eve geri döndükten kısa bir süre sonra Eray şehir dışından gelecek misafirini karşılamak üzerine otogara gitti.

Eray gider gitmez Armağan tekrar beni öpmeye başladı. Yatağına çekti. Elbisem hâlâ üzerimdeydi. Eteğimi karnıma kadar sıyırıp içime girdi.

Pek zevkli olmayan kısa bir sexti. Bulanık gözlerim Bora'yı görmeye çalışıyordu karşımda. Bora'nın kokusu yoktu, teni yoktu. Bir yabancı vardı karşımda. Üzgün hissediyordum.

Armağan çok sarhoştu. Defalarca özür diledi. Bir süre sonra zaten Eray aradı.

Çocuklarla sohbet ederken telefonuma bir mesaj geldi:

"Hemen gitme." yazmıştı Armağan. Önce tamam desem de sarhoşluğun ve suçluluğun etkisiyle koşarak Bora'nın yanına gitmek istiyordum.

"Ben artık kalkayım." dedim.

"Armağan seni eve bıraksın." dedi Eray. Montumu almaya Eray'ın odasına girdiğimizde Armağan beni tekrar öpmek istedi. Var olan enerjimle -her ne kadar kaldıysa- onu uzaklaştırmaya çalıştım. Öptü bir iki defa. En son tepki vermedim.

"Ayılmaya başladım bak güzel bir gece olacak."

Belki haklıydı. O an umrumda değildi. Aklımda sadece Bora vardı.

"Suçlu hissediyorum." dedim.

"Ama zaten yaptık ki."

"Olsun, Bora'ya karşı suçlu hissediyorum."

Armağan beni eve bırakana kadar birkaç ikna çabasında daha bulundu. En son asansörde sarılıp ayrıldık. Asansörün kapısı kapanana kadar ağır ağır evin kapısına yürüdüm. Kapıyı açacak gibi yaptım. Asansörün kapanır kapanmaz anahtarı indirip tekrar asansörü çağırdım. Otoparka inip hızlıca arabayı çalıştırdım.

Sarhoşluğun getirdiği cesaretle çok daha az korkuyordum bu defa Bora'nın ıssız apartmanından. Çevremde köpeklerin olup olmadığına bile bakmadım. Hızlıca inip kararlılıkla odasının penceresini aradım. Dövme sedyesini gördükten sonra "doğru yoldayım" diye düşünüp gülümsedim. Sonraki oda ev arkadaşınındı ve ondan sonraki Bora'nın...

Birkaç kez camı tıklattım sessizce. O sırada sağ yanımda apartman boşluğuna ait olan pencerelerden apartmanın ışığının yandığını gördüm. Hızlıca bir silüet geçti merdivenlerden. Zayıflığı ve eşofmanı Bora'ya benziyordu. Bir dakika kadar sonra odanın ışığı yandı. Gülümsedim. Bora önce perdeyi açtı. Şaşırdı. Elimle camı açmasını işaret ettim.

Ne konuştuğumuzu çok hatırlamıyorum. Bir konuşmadan ziyade Bora'nın beni bir sokak kedisi gibi kovmasıyla geçti çoğu cümle.

"Şu hâline bak bu kadar mısın sen? Bak sabaha çok pişman olacaksın." gibi cümleler söyledi.

"Sevmiyor musun beni?" diye sordum.

"Sevmiyorum." dedi gözlerini kaçırarak.

"Öncekiler yalan mıydı?"

"Evet yalandı."

"Yüzüme bakarak söyle."

Bora gerçekten gözlerimin içine bakarak beni sevmediğini söyledi.

Hızlı sürdüm. Sarhoş sürdüm. Yalnız kalmak istediğimden annemlerin evine çıktım. Benim ev arkadaşım evdeydi. Annemlerin evi ise boştu.

Yatağa yattım. Ağlayamıyordum. Öfkeliydim. Kendime zarar vermek istiyordum yine. Tek düşünebildiğim hayatın hep böyle olduğu ve böyle olmaya devam edeceğiydi.

Bora'ya tekrar yazdım. İyi olmadığımı sadece beş dakika sakinleşene kadar benimle konuşmasını söyledim. Bora cevap vermedi.