#sex was too mediocre for that psycho shit

[jestersvanity]

Another Friday Night: Patrick Bateman x reader

Oneshot

Warnings/Content warnings: Smut, sex n stuff, major noncon, blood, cutting, virginity loss, Dom! Patrick, he is a psycho, Patrick Bateman being Patrick Bateman yk the classic stuffs

Note: Idk wrote this cus yk why not and I was feeling extra spicy (deranged), only did minor edits so sorry if it's kinda shit. This was very VERY self-indulgent. I tried to leave it gender neutral but it's definitely more fem. Sorry

Summary: uhhhhhhhh yeah

It was about that time of the year where things started ramping up for Pierce & Pierce : Mergers and Acquisitions.

Well not really it's a very grey place to work. You. Well you were just an office runner, no real handling of anything important appart from maybe keeping the pens in stock and making sure there was enough paper in each printer. Making sure the common areas were kept up like restocking kitchen suplies, cups for the water fountain and mediocre coffee station.

The best part of the job was spending the company credit card on snacks and stocking up the snack bar in the "kitchen" area. The kitchen wasn't really a kitchen it resembled a tiny apartments sad excuse for a kitchen but it was missing the stove and oven. Instead replaced with a tiny bench top microwave. Besides the point spending money on cute little snacks and restocking the snack bar was very therapeutic.

You took alot of pride in the "kitchen". I mean there's not much u can take pride in, in this job. You were technically a "secretary" but... It was mainly Jean which took care of the classic secretary jobs.

I'd like to think of it as secondary secretary or on call assistant. Unlike Jean you moved around a lot more whereas she was more glued to her desk replying to emails and phone calls. She was always so polite when she needed me to run some papers to another person. Usually you were last to leave the floor, after Jean leaves for the night you stay back replying to the last lot of emails she didn't get to, usually it was just 5-6 emails with 3 sentence replies.

She's pretty good at getting through the influx of emails everyday but the ones left weren't anything too big so you didn't mind getting the rest done.

Also, you stayed back just in case someone else on ur floor stayed back and needed some errands run.

More often then not its was to pick up food... Again. Half the time you were on coffee runs, lunch runs, another coffee run, another late lunch run, snack runs etc. The snacks run out rather quickly actually. If it wasn't food you would be picking up things from the post office, things from the dry cleaners or once again running a Manila folder to another big grey building down the block. Tonight wasn't so different. You stayed back like usual today there weren't any emails to reply to so you sat at Jeans desk surfing the Web and online shopping.

Tonight Patrick was staying back, you didn't know why it's not like he does anything appart from being a dick. Everytime u passed his office you saw him he reading a magazine in his office or doing a crossword. Everytime he had called you in to run a task it was something useless like throwing a piece of paper from his desk to his trash can in the left corner of his office which he was too lazy to do. He definitely does it just to fuck with you because every time there was a condescending or snarly comment. Of course you would without fail glare daggers at him or reply with an equally snarky and condescending remark.

Scrolling mindlessly for shit you didn't need untill the phone started ringing. It was Bateman. So with a annoyed sigh you picked up "Yes, what." you said impatiently. Honestly you just wanted to go, it was boring and you wanted to use your new artisan bath bomb. Plus it was Friday. "Come here" and then he promptly hung up. What could that prick even want. Getting up with a heavy huff and an attitude walking up to his glass office and pushing open the door.

You stared at him with an expectant look, 3 seconds had passed before he decided to speak. "I need you to carry this" gesturing to the fancy wine and Armani wine glass set that he got gifted today. "seriously... Too weak to carry this your self?". He ignore you putting on his blazer and picking up his breiff case ready to walk out. Bending over to carry his gifts you follow behind him leaving his office.

The elevator ride down was silent and full of tension. What a dickwad you thought. As we got to the ground floor there was a Porsche already waiting. Walking around back to put the wine and glases in the boot suddenly hearing "no I need you to hold on to them in the car, don't want them breaking now do we" he says emphasing the last few words. The driver opens the door for you to get in and shuts it after you give him a slight nod.

Patrick is already seated next to you and staring out the window. God even the way he sits is pretentious. Sooner or later we arrive at his apartment complex. We get out and he waves the driver away. What a dick move, you now had to call your own cab home. After he makes you carry the shit up to his apartment on he makes you call your own cab home??? God what did you ever do to make him hate you so much.

The whole journey you had been glaring at the back of his head trying to burn a hole through his skull. He unlocked his door and opened it up waiting expectantly for you to walk through. You do. As you look around trying to find a table or something to put his stuff down on. At this point your arms were tired and you were exhausted. Not to mention that it was a fucking Friday night. Your eyes landed on his white marble counter top and finally dropping his useless glasses and stupidly expensive wine off. His place was nice but boring as you expected. Clean but a maximalists nightmare.

As the weight left your arms you sighed and went to turn around and leave as you heard a *click* the sound of the door locking.

Did this bafoon straight up forget he just let someone into his apartment??? Walking up to Bateman who was leaning back against his apartment door looking sly. "okay ur stuff-" before you could finish your sentence he had you in a choke hold with a cloth over your nose and mouth. Struggling like a maggot in the beak of a bird, thrashing around untill all went dark.

Blurry white was all you could see. What happened. What the fuck. As your vision came back you sat up slowly. Where. What. You were confused and still trying to figgure out what was happening. Hands shakey reaching up to rub the blurring out of your eyes. Checking yourself for any missing limbs or anything that might indicate what happened. As you explore you feel a thick collar wrapped around your neck. Huh?? Pain shoots through your whole body. In two distinct pulses. As soon as it stopped you hear a chuckle comming from behind you. Turning you see Patrick sat on a chair looking awfully proud of himself. "Patrick..what's going on?" there were tears welling up but you were not going to let them spill.

He hold up a remote with 3 buttons shaking it like a toy in front of a baby tauntingly not saying anything. Pressing one of the 3 buttons with a click that almost echo's in the room. Instantly you feel the pulsing pain shoot through you body again. This time it went on for one second longer but it felt like a minute.

Angry and scared you shouted at him but all that came out was a high pitched pip and air getying caught in your throat. "awww what's wrong? Cat got ya tongue?" he teases walking closer now being over to meet your eye level.

You were on his bed, atleast he had the courtesy of putting you on his bed instead of the hard floors. Gathering your voice back up "Patrick what the fuck?" you manage to snap.

"I would drop the attitude if I were you"

"No Patrick what the actual fu-" pain sears through your limbs once again making you double over onto your side. "Be nice. Or ill shock you till your brain oozes out of your thick fucking skull" Patrick spits out, the dislike apparent in his voice.

As the pain subsides you open you eyes back up eyes landing on the knife he was now holding in his other hand. "Patrick why... Why?" looking up at him as he looms over the edge of the bed, voice no longer as strong or determined but quiet. Putting the knife down oh is side table he grabs a fist full of your hair making you sit up and look him directly in his eyes. "since you think ur so fucking smart why don't you figgure it out" adding a hmmm at the end as to belittle you even more. As if this wasn't already enough.

"what do you want" you whine out eyes casting down. His eyes were piercing straight through you. You didn't want to admit it but something inside you found this oh so very hot.

Letting go of you hair and grabbing his knife back he opens a closet. Watching his movement closely trying to figgure out what he was possibly going to get. He starts to set up a tripod. Oh God what the fuck you think to ur self. Panicking even more if that was even possible.

Adjusting the camera to face you he clicks a few buttons then clears his throat. "Ass up for the camera" in a stern demanding tone. Looking at him questionably to counter he holds up the remote for the shock collar you had on. Almost challenging you. Reluctantly you get on all 4s and arch your back with ur bum facing him and the camera. His footsteps comming closer untill you feel cold sharpness run up the back of ur thigh. Staying silent as he rips you skirt off leaving you in your stockings and a thong. You were still basically dressed but felt so naked and vulnerable. As he threw the now fabric rectangle on the floor he spanks your ass. The stinging making you involuntarily let out a little whimper of confused pleasure. "oh, so your are a little whore" feigning surprise. Hearing something scrape against the bed you try looking for clues as to whats to come next but fail as he strikes you with a whip? Cane? Unknown but it stung. Yelping as the thing made contact. The weight on the bed shifted as he got closer shoving ur face into the blankets "don't move bitch" he whispers into you ear before moving off again. Now you have deduced it was infact a cane and he wasn't going to tap you lightly. Striking your ass with the cane again and again while berating the living hell out of you. It hurt so good as tears soaked into the sheets. You could feel your pussy pulsing but you couldn't let Patrick know that.

"please stop" you were begging him as he kept whipping your cheeks with the cane. "Patrick please it hurts so much" "yeah it's supposed to hurt you dumb cunt" a few strikes later he stops. "stand up" he orders. Mustering up the strength you feel your stiff joints scream as you step onto the floor and straighten you knees and back. He's behind the camera "go have a good look at yourself" gesturing with his head to the mirror.

As you near you see the dark red lines left by the cane. Beads of blood forming at the skin and the skin that did split the blood was smeared by the other smacks all across your cheeks. "you see that" you nod slowly still looking at the carnage of your cheeks. "that's what sacarstic sluts get, I'm not letting you off with just that either" he warns as he roughly grabs you arm dragging you back to the edge of the bed and forcing you into your knees.

You could feel the heat and the pain radiate from your ass as your knees made contact with his carpet. With a hand firmly grasping at you hair and the other one skilfully undoing his belt and fly he pulls down his silk boxers revealing his massive hard cock. "don't just stare open up" yanking your head back so you would be looking up at him. Opening your mouth reluctantly he roughly shoves his cock in. Your hands automatically push against his thighs to no avail. He was so strong all you could do was grip at the fabric of his pants as he kept gagging you. He didn't let you breath and all you could hear was triumphant groans of pleasure comming from him. Your things were pressed together trying to quell the throbbing down stairs. As he pulled his dick out and let you breath he yanked to to your feet and forcefully ripped your shirt off and harshly yanking your bra off as the straps snapped and the claps split. "oh wow would you look at that, you don't know how long I've been wanting to fuck you brainless" as he roughly fondles your chest. His hand making its way up to you neck and then pushing you back onto the bed. "Patrick" you pleaded "Patrick please don't I'm" struggling to get out the words as he tightened his grip around your throat.

All you could do was let out a strangled moan. Finally letting go he sat back onto his knees and spreading your legs so that his cock was right at the entrance of your coochie.

Looking at him with pleading "Pat please don't, please I'm.." "finish ur sentence bitch" as he rest a hand on your inner thigh ready to rip your tights off. "I'm a virgin please don't"

"ur so fucking stupid ur pissing me off you fucking whore" as he rips a hole in your stockings and completely ripping your thong off leaving fabric burn marks on your hips. Without a second he thrust his girthy penis inside. Instinctively you tighten around him yet your legs were trying to push him away. None of your protest did Jackshit. Leaning to the side he grabbed the knife off the night stand again. Pressing his body against yours as he slid the knife up too your throat holding it there as he looked into your eyes while fucking you. All you could do was hold onto his forearm to lessen the pressure of the blade against your throat.

It hurt so bad but he didn't slow down he was pounding into you harder and faster. A shamefully moan every time he trusted into you. "you like my cock you little cum slut? Ofcourse you do u pathetic bitch" "because that's what you are aren't you" he cooes as you moan. He keeps ramming into you harder and faster untill you feel him cum inside of you.

A few final pumps and as he lifts himself up pressing his hand on your chest admiring what a mess you had become. "look at me" you had to fight your mind fog to look at him. "mm pa-" he slaps ur face leaving a sting hand print on your cheek "it's Sir." "slut" he spits out. "sir please no more" pleading with him again now fully exhausted. He just chuckles and walks back over to his camera taking it off the tripod and filming manually. "open up" hitting you leg lightly expecting you to spread them open again. But you didn't hear him still in a daze trying to process what just happened.

One quick shock back to reality quite litteraly you instantly spread open your legs. Kneeling down with his camera he reaches his fingers to display his hard work to the camera. You could feel the warm cum oozing out of your slit. As he kept using his fingers to spread your lips open. Standing back up again. "hands off your tits bitch" he demands. Slowly uuncrossing your arms from your chest you prop yourself up to face him properly with your legs still open. He's filming you. "okay repeat after me, I'm just a hole" "I'm just a hole" you whisper weakly. He drops the camera a bit to look at you and sighs with disappointment "a bit more enthusiasm and smile a bit" tilting his head to the side in sly mockery. "your a slut. Act like one" he states impatiently then lifting the camera back up. "I'm just a hole" this time you exclaimed with more life, surprisingly a smile was easy to muster up.

That sick part of you enjoyed this. "see that's not so hard is it" he teased as he propped the camera back on the tripod. This time he opens the night stand and grabs something. You couldn't quite see. *click* he opens it to reveal a switch blade. Frozen you followed him with your eyes as he sat opposite you. "patric- sir w-what are" squealing as he lunges at you pressing you back down on the bed.

His weight and strength being impossible to struggle against. "stay still doll, it's easier if you stay still" he chuckles as the knife nears your face. "pat" you manage to squeak out as he sliced up the corner of your mouth and up your cheek. The warm blood running down the sides of your head and down your neck. You actually started crying now the tears which you held back so long came pouring down mixing with the warm thick blood from your cheeks. He had finished with your other cheek now sitting back. Losening his tie and undoing a few buttons of his shirt. "look at how much prettier you are now" looking at you with admiration for his handy work. Taking off his tie "hands" he said composed like he didn't just mutilate your face, you stretch out your arms to him as he ties your writs up with his tie then strapping it through a slot in his headboard.

Grabbing his switch blade again he drags it up your thigh stopping when he reaches your sternum. Paralized in shock, fear and... Love? Your breaths slow down as he looks back up at you. "it's okay doll, just customising you a bit alright?". Proceeding to slowly carve his name into your torso. Each letter painfullfully deep and deliberately slow. Making you squirm with each slice. The muffled sobs bouncing around the room.

After he pumped 3 more loads into you he flopped onto his back and reaching for the smokes on his side table. Lighting one up puffing away nonchalantly. After he was done, he snuffed the cig putting it out above the I making the the dot above the I in Patrick.

Untying your wrist and you stared at the wall. Making his way to the bathroom and bring back a warm towel he kisses you for the first time tonight on your now dried up bloodied cheek.

Before tenderly wipeing the blood and dried tears off your face. You sat there on the bed not moving but concious just not moving. He got a second warm towel after the first one got drenched in blood to wipe down your torso and the rest of the dried blood off your body. "Get under the covers" his voice now softer. Before heading back to the bathroom to do his night ime routine. Getting under the blankets. Curling up into the fetal position despite the pain of the cuts in your torso screaming to stop. Trying to fall asleep. The lights flicked off and the bed dipped as Patrick got under the covers his warm body pressed up against your battered body. You were divided. You hated him more than ever you were scared, confused, angry, tired and yet your body seemed to move on its own. You sank back into his chest and arm as he pressed a kiss on the back of your neck. He was completely different than who he was 30 mins ago. You couldn't imagine the Patrick you saw in the office doing all that to you. You couldn't imagine the Patrick that cut you up pressing that soft tender kiss he just kissed on the back of your neck. Yet he did.

Note: y'all got the good ending smh I might write a different ending with more smut lol idk.

Lmao

[menageriemadness]

Pancho’s Myopic Movie Review - I : AMERICAN PSYCHO

Part I: The Best Comedy - Funnier than the Exorcist!

So, I wanted to start this blog with a bang. Picture, if you will, a young man freshly relieved of his husbandly duties due to a sudden and rather untimely change in emotions on the part of his now ex-wife who thought it no better than to disappear in the middle of the night with a doctor who drives sports cars and eats lobster on a private jet. And who would you guess was left on the side of the road waiting to be picked up from work by the same now ex-wife who absconded with the family jewels and flown off to god knows where to ease her troubled soul? That would be me, your dear humble narrator JP Pancho who walked home in the the dead of night because he couldn’t afford an Uber. Such was my dismay that I found myself in a deep, dark bottomless hole of hate, self reflection, and bitter loathing. However, I was not to stay there too long, no my brothers, for I had bills to pay, you see. The landlord isn’t too kind to those who can’t pay his rent, and my time of mourning was at an end a mere week later.

It just so happened that I managed to land myself back on my feet as a car salesman three states away, as many divorcees often find themselves. At that dealership I noticed many things. I made it a mission to be as honest of a salesman I could be, even taking risks to ensure that cars were properly maintained and checked before selling them to the customer. There was a singular instance when the manager made me sell a car with a broken axle, a large metal gash on the driver and rear passenger side door, and an inside that looked like a small child had exploded into molecular chunks all over the cloth upholstery. I took steps to ensure that the car was adequately repaired and safe to drive, even taking a major cut in pay to ensure the customer was taken care of, despite the protestations of my manager, because I thought, the world could use a few more honest salesmen, and I, your dear humble narrator, wanted to be one of the good guys.

All the while, I saw around me the excess of capitalism - drugs, sex, and unscrupulous manipulation of lesser minds who couldn’t grasp the concept of someone shaking your hand with a soulless grin in one while snatching your pocketbook with another. I’d hear stories of how people would come to them, on hands and knees thanking them for their “honest” dealings and getting them such a good deal only to hear the minute they walked out the doors and drove away, “I ripped the bastard off fourteen grand” on a car that will just be repossessed to the dealership and sold again three months later - their credit, to kindly put it, was “shit.”

This is the horror of middle class America - the American horror story of our common man taking advantage of the one thing all Americans need in order to function on a daily basis in our great experimental American democracy… the singular need for a car.

When I eventually quit that job and moved back home to family and started work in the Menagerie, I happened to reconnect with an old friend who invited me out for a night of tomfoolery and shenanigans. Through the cigarette smoke and clatter of beer bottles over the cacophony of deadbeat local musicians strumming away at the three power chords they could remember, I heard my ol’ chum utter the four words I wanted to hear all evening, “wanna watch American Psycho?”

My heart skipped a beat, I swooned at the thought of leaving that noisy place to hear the soft dulcet intro of Patrick Bateman’s morning routine. So, we paid our tabs, left a considerable tip for our hosts, and careened our wagons over to his humble abode to bask in the humming electronic glow of the 2000 masterpiece starring Christian Bale.

As the soft piano played and the black screen fades into the luxurious dinner scene with yuppies and their ilk feasting away at food too good for their mediocre tastes, I noted one consistency throughout my viewing - the wide mouth grin creeping into an ever present toothy smile on my face. I glanced over to my ol’ chum. He too bore the same simple smirk creeping ever so carefully into the same wide, toothy smile.

Throughout, we laughed, we pointed like Leo at the tv, chuckled and shook our heads when Patrick insults the hobo, and both audibly groaned and physically frowned when he curb stopped the dog in the alleyway. Killing the hobo wasn’t enough, you see, for the audience to know Patrick truly isn’t a very nice person. He had to kill the dog as well, the death of the innocent mammal completely severing him from the emotional ties connecting the audience to their up til then absurd protagonist. From there we hate him. From that point on, we hope he gets caught. That’s the clever and tragic comedic element of American Psycho. Patrick never gets caught.

I love this movie. To quote Michael Keaton, I’ve seen it “167 times and it keeps getting funnier every single time I see it!”

Why though?

For me, it’s the sardonic mix of my personal life experiences dealing with a mentally ill wife, a corrupt self important manager, the excess of capitalism oozing from the pores of sycophantic detached salesmen, and my own dips into psychological restlessness while coping through my own personal episodes of grief and self loathing. Patrick’s confession to his lawyer at the end remains one of my favorite monologues simply because I’ve been on both ends of that infamous phone call as both Patrick and his the lawyer.

I think the true comedy of American Psycho comes from the tragic experiences of my life as well as those I’ve inflicted on others on purpose or inadvertently. In truth, we are all a little bit of Bateman due to our own human flaws and wanton desires. We hurt those we love or think we love. We tend to go with the sure thing, much like Patrick and his many lovers and restless sexual escapades. To deny it is to deny the truth that we are all American Psychos, we just don’t go around hacking up hookers with chainsaws and making obscene doodles in our planner for Chloe Savigny to find - arguably though, neither did Bateman.

Was his life so boring that he had to concoct an entire false reality to keep him from going over the edge? Is it an escapist fantasy where the daily stressors of his meticulous image, the mundanity of those around him, and the maddening aggravation of daily routines led him to conceive an alternate place where his deepest, darkest wants could be fulfilled and explored?

In any case, I and others around me acknowledge the disturbing elements of American Psycho. Patrick is not someone to be admired. He’s a terrible person, and his problems are of his own creation. I don’t write this to minimize the wretchedness of this person, but rather to pontificate on the very real absurdities we as Americans face on a day to day basis. What Patrick experiences, albeit in the upper echelon of American society, still reeks of the daily grind so many of us face - a detached significant other (Bateman and his fiancé), the stress of maintaining class images/the need for acceptance (Bateman and his peers), the need for self importance (Bateman constantly trying and getting refused for a reservation at Dorsia only to hear the taunting laughter of the maitre de on the other line), and the want to express oneself in some meaningful way (Bateman’s long and ultimately pointless diatribes on music to his prostitute companions)… don’t these all relate to us in some way?

Overall, it’s a movie that sticks with me long after I’ve watched it. It’s one of my favorites that I pull out any time I need a good laugh or want to watch something that makes me think about myself, the world, and my place in it. This essay is simply a love letter to the film and all the happy memories I have watching with friends and loved ones, all of us sharing in the laughs, disturbing commentary, and ultimate critique on our American collective experience.

I rate this movie with an arbitrary score of 10 out of a single Willem Dafoe lighthouse monologue on repeat for forty hours.

Alas, our time in the Menagerie has come to a close. Until next time, dear readers. I hope all is well in your world, for if it is so, then it is as well in mine.

Your Humble Narrator,

J. P. Pancho

[goals-drastic-ass-fantastic]

Hi I’m not on here super often but I just want to say, doing the whole pre-getting-laid ritual and just relaxing is great, especially after a high-stress time full of work

I mean, I’m sure everyone has a different pre-getting-laid ritual. For me, its showering, shaving, grooming my eyebrows, lotion, and putting on something comfy and cute. I did that whole thing, then some skincare, and just chilled with a blanket, hot chocolate, and OITNB (I’m a slut for nostalgia tonight don’t @ me)

[the-council-of-new-york-vampires]

Okay so I keep rereading your Priya x Mc things and I just gotta say “I need more” Your writing is wonderful.

Out of Character:

Thank you so much!! ❤️

Your message was kinda special to me, and I love that pairing too. Therefore, I thought about the couple’s purely sexual dynamic, and wanted to write something special for you too. 😊

I want to see how this develops. It’s not sexual, but it’s a turning point in their relationship. 👀

Amy walked in confidently, feeling a hundred times more relaxed than she had felt the last time she had been here. Meeting Priya Lacroix - casually walking over to her house - had become more of a normality, and Amy was grateful for that. Actually, the two had even agreed on meeting this day!

However, when Amy was let in, she took in the chaos. While there were usually very few people in the foyer, there were now a bunch of them. Several dogs, houseboys, Priya even, standing around. Apparently, this wasn’t a normal day…

Carefully, she approached Priya, turned away from Amy, who was wearing a tight dress - as usual -, six inch heels - as usual -, commanding men around - as usual. “Hey, Priya.”

“No, not like that.”

“…Priya?”

“More to the left.”

“…Priya?”

“Ugh. Are you stupid?”

“Priya!”

Finally, she turned around to her guest. Priya’s critically raised eyebrow turned into a facial expression that displayed surprise. “Amy?”

“Hey.” Amy smiled - and hugged Priya. She had no idea how a hug could feel more intimate than sex, but with Priya it did, and Amy found that fascinating.

“What are you doing here?”

Amy’s eyes widened. “You invited me? Remember?”

“When, last year?”

Calm, Amy, calm… “Uh, no? Like, three days ago?”

“Ah well. I don’t remember that.”

Her face did show a bit of sorrow. “…Oh.”

Priya, however, seemed relatively careless. “Yea.”

It was then that a houseboy interrupted. “Priya? Is it good like that?”

She turned to him again, Amy as well… and the two were facing a man trying to adjust a massive picture - of a chihuahua.

Suddenly, Priya got angry. “I said not like that!”

He adjusted it slighty to the left. “Better?”

“No. It’s a disaster!”

“But-”

“You’re a disgrace, Sergio.”

Finally, Amy asked, “Priya, what is going on here?”

“It’s Jean-Claude’s birthday.”

Amy gaped. “No way.”

“Yes way. Obviously, I’m planning a party.”

“For today?”

“Nah, for the weekend.”

Amy grinned. “That’s so cute.”

It was then that someone rang the doorbell. Immediately, a horde of tiny dogs rushed forward, all of them barking! A houseboy opened to reveal a man, carrying a massive cake. “An order for Priya Lacroix?”

“Bring it in!” Priya ordered.

The houseboy by the door took the cake from the man, who saw it fitting to leave again, and tried to make his way to Priya. Yet, the dogs were blocking his way, still barking. “Out of the way!” he scolded them.

Priya was as patient as always. “Are you making it today or next week?”

He made it towards her with slow steps, the dogs seemingly demanding to inspect the cake.

“Ugh. Hurry up!”

Under pressure, he kept scolding them. “Out of the way!”

Then, it happened: In the wrong moment, as he was moving his foot, Jean-Claude was in the way - and he kicked him! The dog whimpered in pain.

It was then that Priya gasped! The whole room was suddenly silent.

He faced her with wide eyes, gaping. “I-I’m sorry. I swear, the little guy was in my way! I never meant to-”

In a heartbeat and with red eyes, Priya was on him! She grabbed him by his t-shirt and held him up, pressing him against the wall! “What did you say?!” Her sharp fangs were only an inch away.

“P-please… Don’t-Don’t kill me…” he begged, his facial expression as fearful as it could possibly be.

It was a sudden movement when Priya’s arm outstretched, throwing him into a corner!

He landed roughly, blood dripping from his head!

But Priya wasn’t done. She approached him with big steps and placed her high-heeled foot on his chest. “Who you think you are to kick my dog?!”

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed. “I didn’t mean to.”

Her hand reached out for his throat and she held on to force him back up, onto his knees. “You despicable piece of shit!” She held him eye to eye. “If I ever lay my eyes on you again, I will rip your balls off and force-feed them to you! Understood?!”

He was shaking in fear. “Y-y-yes…”

“Good.” Priya dragged him after her until they were standing in front of the open door. “And now…” She turned him around… “piss the hell off!” and kicked his ass!

The young man was kicked onto the sidewalk!

It was then that Priya slammed the door shut, eyes on her houseboys. “Clean this shit up!”

Amy watched how the men were rushing forward to clean up the cake from the floor as well as the previous houseboy’s blood stains.

“Sergio, who’s next on my list?” Priya asked, still visibly annoyed, as she picked up her Jean-Claude.

“Uh…” He pulled out a piece of paper from his jeans. “Harry Ford.”

“Invite him. I want him here in an hour.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

When, finally, the aggressive atmosphere got a little calmer, Amy approached Priya who was petting Jean-Claude, his tail wagging. “Priya, uh… I think I should leave.”

Priya sighed, sitting down on a mini sofa. “Actually… You can stay. You can help me choose.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Choose what?”

“Henris Cord-”

“Harry Ford?”

“Uh, yeah. Whatever.”

“Who is he?”

“A candidate.”

Amy was in the obvious need of an explanation…

It was then that Priya grinned. “You think I choose my houseboys randomly or what?”

Amy gaped. “You have castings for them?”

“Of course.”

Wow. “Omg.”

“Omg is right.” Her grin was yet present.

Amy looked back at the men who were cleaning the past houseboy’s blood off of the floor… and wondered if Harry Ford really wanted this job.

-

About an hour later, Amy and Priya were sitting in the living room, alone, on two chairs. It was then that a man walked in. He was tall, handsome, muscular. “Hey, girls. Name’s Harry.”

Amy’s eyes widened. It were exactly those type of guys that had had three girlfriends at once in high school.

Priya grinned. “Sexy.”

He stood before them, asking, “So, what do I have to-”

“Strip.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

“Strip,” she repeated.

“Uh… okay…” He began to strip for them, taking his time. Harry took his shirt off, his pants… and stopped when he was only wearing underwear.

“I’d say, like, mediocre.” She looked at Amy.

“Uh… It was good, I guess?”

“Do you like what you’re seeing, Priya?” He flexed his muscles, wearing an arrogant smirk.

“I don’t know,” she said calmly. “I haven’t seen my fav part yet.”

He did seem a bit surprised. “You want me to-”

“Pants off.”

“Oh… Really? Okay.” He took his boxers off.

Amy’s eyes widened. She had expected her day to be spend in Priya’s bed. Now, she was actually sitting next to her, fully dressed, inspecting and rating a man’s dick. At least, Priya wasn’t making this embarrassing…

“How long is it?”

…Nevermind.

“It’s eight inches.”

Priya laughed. “No way!”

“It is.”

“I can recognize eight inches when I see them, sweetheart. That’s six at most.”

He grinned. “I know how to handle it.”

“No matter. I have my standards.”

Harry was shocked. “What?”

Priya faced Amy. “Seriously, would you fuck that loser?”

For a moment, Amy was silent. Then, she spoke her mind. “Priya, I… I think it’s wrong to rate them.”

“What do you mean?”

“Shouldn’t you judge their personalities?”

Priya seemed utterly perplex. “Uh?? No?”

“I wouldn’t judge someone’s genitals. And, no, I wouldn’t have sex with him. Because I barely know him.”

Priya pouted. “That’s cute.”

The guy asked, smirking, “Where can I sign?”

“Uh, the door is there,” Priya pointed.

“Seriously?” He scowled at her. “Is that a joke?”

“You’re the joke. Bye.”

Angrily, he put his clothes on - and left.

“Priya…” Amy faced her. “Have men rated you like that?”

“Yea.”

“So, why are you- Wait. What?”

Priya’s pout was yet present. “Amy, life isn’t sunshine and rainbows. And if I’m a sexy, rich and powerful woman, I may as well allow myself the freedom to choose who gets to fuck me.”

Amy’s eyes widened. “Have…?” She shook her head. “It almost sounds like men have rated your worth based on shallow criteria.”

“Men are pigs.”

Amy’s face was sad. “Not all.”

“Yeah, all.”

…Maybe she had collected bad experiences with one of her houseboys?

“Men just want to fuck. They are shallow as hell. So why are women judged when they want the same? Women have a sex drive too, you know? And they deserve to get their needs met.”

“I… agree.”

“See? It’s not that hard, huh?” Her usual grin was missing.

“…It seems like you have colleced bad experiences with men?”

“Nah.”

“No?”

“I just know what men really want.”

“Oh…” Amy was uncomfortable. Seeing Priya that serious was unusual, yet fascinating.

“Yea.” Priya grabbed a tiny cup of tea and started drinking. In a way, this woman was iconic.

Amy grinned. “That’s the tea.”

Priya laughed.

It was then that Amy remembered the annoyance of the sound… and how much she had missed it. She felt like she had started exploring an ocean… and now, she wanted to dive deeper. To see what was hiding in the dark. To find her sunken treasures. “Priya, are you… always in the mood for sex?”

“I’m not some kind of robot.”

Amy laughed. Never before had Priya seemed so humane. “And you think men are?”

“Men are selfish. Now it’s my turn to be.”

“Is that why you degrade them?”

Priya grinned. That predatory smile… it was back. “Degrade them, huh?”

“Yeah. Like… whip them, spank them… They are practically your slaves.”

“That’s the only thing they’re good for.”

Amy gaped. Even for Priya, that answer seemed harsh. “They’re human beings. With a dignity and soul.”

“I don’t care.” There was something cold in her eyes.

It was quiet until Amy asked, looking at Priya, “Did men traumatize you? Sexually?”

Priya rolled her eyes, seemingly annoyed. “Oh, Amy, you really piss me the hell off.”

“I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked…”

“Then why did you?”

“I just… Honestly? I want to know why you are like that.”

“Like what? I am the way I am. Are you some psycho?”

“No…”

“Then leave me the hell alone.”

“I won’t ask again. I’m sorry.”

“Whatever.”

Amy promised, “You can always talk to me.” She wanted her to know.

Apparently, Priya took offence in that. “I don’t want to. Why the hell would I talk to you?”

She faced the ground. “I… I just thought there was something. Between us. I don’t know what our past meetings were for you, but they meant so much to me. I was at home, thinking of you. Every day.”

For a long time, Priya was quiet.

Facing her, Amy pinned a hair strand behind Priya’s ear. This alone was meaningful.

Finally, an answer. “I thought of you too.”

Amy gaped. “Really?”

“Yeah. But I like to block feels out.”

“Priya…” She pulled her into a hug. It was the only right thing to do.

“You can’t change me, Amy.”

“No,” she said. “But I can try to heal you.”

[lord-of-isengard]

#1.7 Justice

Now by this time, I have said and done some stupid things. Yes, I have done things, said words, made promises that didn’t mean didly-squat to me. And I think a lot of people reading this can relate to that, because we do things, we lie shamelessly to get something that we want. That action is not an original action, if it were to be counted, I think that is the most commonly occurring thing in the entire world because people love to lie, and I’m no different.  I love to lie too. Because it helps me get things and some things come along the way, if I lie very intensely. I remember in college time, I used to lie a lot, just to get inside someone’s pants and have a god time. I was under impression then that having fun meant either booze or drugs or sex. I did drugs (now that I have grown older, they don’t appeal me as much as they did in the past), I am rather attached to drinking (it still magically makes my problems go away, or perhaps it makes me less of a talker and more of a listener) and sex is always something that gets me excited. I have, made promises that I broke less than an hour after I made them, just to fuck someone. I spent a lot of my parent’s hard earned money to get a little bit of action that lasted no more than 5 minutes. (I have to say, fuck they were expensive!) But whatever I did, I was okay, because I felt that I hadn’t treated anyone in a bad way. I was immature and inconsiderate and probably a shallow being of a man, but I loved to think that I didn’t do something that would make me a despicable human being. That was how I consoled myself every time I heard someone doing shitty things to their exes. I always thought I was better than them and I treated people differently than the way they used to. I was no saint, but I was no Satan too. I was in the mid-line and I thought standing in mid-line was okay. It was acceptable. And all the girls who allowed me to have sex with them had dated guys worse than me so I was a breath of fresh air to them. So it was okay, nothing that eventful happened to me that made me hate myself, because I loved to fuck and fucking was all that I got and no one asked anything more than what I was giving. There were no regrets you see, I was comfortable lying to get my way inside of them, and they were used to being lied to or too gullible. I don’t think they went out with me because I was good looking, I wasn’t. Neither do I think, they agreed due to my blinding charisma or pizzazz because I had none. I was a mediocre date and a mediocre lover, so people didn’t dwell on the time that they would spend with me and that was by all means fine with me. I had other things to worry about, and I was okay with whatever I had got. Now however, as I am sitting here in my study while my best friend here is staring his glass of gin and tonic, I realize how bigger filth I had been to the poor gals that I had have sex with. My god-daughter was raped and killed a week ago, and today in the hearing, the monster that did all of the unspeakable things to that poor girl, got only 20 years in jail. And you know what he did then? He looked at me and the victim’s father, and the mother fucker smiled. He fucking smiled…

I am thinking all the shitty things that I had done in the past. How I had taken the consent that I got for granted and how I had bragged about it among my circle. How when my friend dated the same girl, I had called her a slut and made her less of a human. Oh, the things that I had said and not done. They all are coming in my mind. If a little girl, who hasn’t had any perverted thoughts in her life gets that, then I don’t know what is it that I will get for all the things that I have done. I thought I was a good man, I really thought, despite my potty mouth and devil may care behaviour, I had this inner image of myself being a good person, but today I feel I had failed all the people who ever had the misfortune to get intimate with me. Girls are not to be treated the way I treated them. I treated them badly and its sad that when something bad happens to someone you love, then only you realize how devilish you have been. Just saying sorry doesn’t cut it man, I should have thought better, I should have remembered the karmic way of life. I gave pain to people and bragged about how selfish I had been, and I was encouraged. I was treated as a hero when I said how I had persuaded a girl to let me fuck in her ass, when she clearly not wanted to. I bragged about how she screamed in pain when I actually did that when she gave me her consent. I was drunk in lust and her pain that I made her a fucking sex object and treated her that way than a fellow human being. How I had bit a girl’s neck, excusing it for ecstasy and passion, but in truth how much I had enjoyed it! I had apologized, but fuck, we both knew that, the apology was just a cheap ploy to go to round 2. Now all those memories, which once were recalled fondly, disgust me. Because, the little girl got all of it and even more. The thing I used to call kinky, the kid got it, and that was the thing that killed her. In a way I am in no way different than that bastard. I have made my mistakes and there was a time when I used to smile on the things that I did. I bet that fucking pathetic reason of a human being thought of the same thing.

My head is spinning and I am in complete loss of words on what to think, let alone speaking. I am on my 9th glass of scotch and still I am hurting. The pain is there and it’s crushing me. I cannot even begin to think how my friend is handling the grief and pain. She was a lovely girl, the kind that lights up the room, and now she is not here. Fuck, I cannot process all these emotions that I am feeling. My love for that kid, my grief for the fact that she is gone, the sadness and unhappiness I am feeling, my rage against that monster, my outrage against the system, my prediction of the future; everything is racing and my mind cannot process it all in time. She was supposed to outlive us all. She was supposed to crack jokes with my kid in my funeral and make sure my kids were good. She was supposed to do all the good things and make the world a better place, instead what is it that she got? Fuck life man, she was good and she had to go in the most brutal way possible. She was just a kid, just a fucking kid. She didn’t deserve that. I am a fucking psycho and I get to live but someone as pure as her had to go this soon, and by bleeding to death while a guy older than her dad fucking raped her? She didn’t even know what rape was, neither did she know about bird and the bees, and she now she is dead from things that she would neither get to understand or comprehend. How could anyone do something like that, I cannot understand! How can he go through with all of it when just thinking about it makes me nauseous? What goes inside a mind like that? How could anyone even think of raping a kid? Fuck! Where the fuck is the moral compass? Does a thing like that fucking exist? A lot of questions are attacking me and the way I am thinking at the moment. My friend, he is silently crying in front of me and I have never seen a man break like that. I have to go on and console him, but how can I? He is going through some shit that is inconsolable…

Killing someone is completely different thing, isn’t it? A person is warm and you can feel consciousness in them and the next moment, they are gone. We found her on a side of the road somewhere. She was covered all on blood and she had no pants on. Thank god, I and my friend were only there, the moms were out of it. I cannot even think what could have happened to the poor mother who gave birth to that beautiful little kid, to see her in such abandoned situation.  Her white t-shirt that I had gifted her on her last birthday was torn and complete red. She had taken it out to prevent her vaginal bleeding. Never had I thought I would see a sight like that. When  you know the person that you are seeing is the person that you love and deeply care of, seeing them in that fucking place could shatter the whole fucking sky. I knew I, of all the people, would have done anything to get her well and fine. Miraculously, she was still bleeding when we found her. Her heartbeat was faint, but she had been living, she had been fighting. But she left, as we rushed her to hospital. I remember her eyes going out of focus and looking past me when she lost her consciousness. She saw my face and her dad’s and then she never saw anything consciously again. When you have the tiniest inclination that things would be better, you hold onto it in such a way that, you don’t try to think anything else. But when your worst nightmare materializes in front of you, and it’s happening in front of you and you cannot comprehend what is happening, then you start losing your rational thinking. As I held her in the ambulance and when I saw the tiniest bit consciousness disappear from her eyes, I felt it was because of me. She was suffering because I was a despicable human being. Never had I prayed with that fierce intensity ever in my life. If you are a sinner, even god doesn’t listen to you, does he?  She was my god-daughter, and she was dead. She had been forcibly taken from us, and there was nothing we could do but to sit and think, on how did we let it happen. All the bad memories, the things that I am not proud of is flashing before my eyes, and I hear again and again my self-image shattering and crumbling because I am comparing myself with that monster, and I feel I am the one, who caused it all. I feel, had I done some good deeds in the past or treated the girls well and fair as they were to be treated, I think this would not have happened.

Violence is not a good way to solve anything, I know that. And I also know that hatred and anger will make you blind, so it is not advisable to act harshly when you are emotionally blinded. But when you have this picture of your loved one lying on the floor which is already red with her blood and you see no remorse on the person’s face who did that, then all you can say is, fuck logic and fuck everything else. Fucking fuck philosophy. Vengeance looks and feels all too sweet. That guy doesn’t get to live. That is the only explanation. I’m against capital punishment, but when a criminal doesn’t even think about his crime and its repercussions and is happy to get into a deal of 20 years inside where he will be well fed and taken care of, that is when I lose my consciousness and rational thought process. It is not justice when someone who easily takes a life without any remorse gets to live, while the victim’s parents are subjected to hell every day from the event. Nope. If someone forgets on being a human, then why give that fucker any chance to live? But they don’t get to go swiftly too, they have to experience all kind of pains that they have subjected to us. Be it a chemical or injecting an acid or anything that ensures that he will go through all the pain that he has made us go through. Now that would be a just system, and I just need to find a way to make all of that happen.

Well, I deserve the pain that I am feeling and I think it was about time the universe made me suffer. But, my friend was completely opposite of what I was. He always was a good boy and he respected women. He always had this strange way of treating women the way they were supposed to be treated. I made fun of him at times. Because he was the version that I always wanted to be but wasn’t able to be. He had found his wife when at college and they had her a year after their relationship while in college. I had been friends with him since kindergarten and since we were together throughout our schooling and university, he was a part of my family and I was of his. He, his wife, also a college student and I had collectively raised the child together. He was into serious relationship while I was in casual flings and the kid had helped me get a lot of girls too. She was a babe-magnet, that was when she was less than a year old and that was the time she used to wake us up all night long by crying her ass off. I remember that and all of it, because she was our baby. Just a couple of youngsters, studying university, raising a brilliant kid with us; in a way it was weirdly trance like. We had learned so much from her and we had tried to incorporate it in our lives to make it better. Fuck, we failed her, we failed her big time and now no matter how much we scream, nothing will be same.

I don’t care what happens now, I frankly don’t. I have already talked to my friend and he has agreed with it. If the law fails it, we have to take it by our hands and try to make sure that this fuckup doesn’t happen ever again. If a guy smiles at the parents of a 9 year old girl  after raping and killing her, there is not any logic that says the guy will be rehabilitated in the institution. It is not solely about revenge, it is about everything being just. The guy has to go through all the pain the little kid went through. I used to think that killing someone or murdering them is the foulest actions one could ever do, but for us, we are desperate. I know, killing someone for a bad blood is bad, ending the physical existence of a person by our will is wrong, but there is nothing else that we can do else. I deserve it, I know, but she never deserved it. I will not complain or scream at god. God will see what a grieving dads can do for the child they lost to a lunatic. I will live with the guilt of killing someone, but I am sure the criminal’s death will not weigh hard on me, all the shady things that I have done will weigh harder than killing a good for nothing child murderer. I don’t care what the society would talk about us, because our society is the main reason why fuckups like this is happening. I care about nothing but avenging the little girl’s death because if we don’t do it, no one will.

Fuck every one, we don’t care. We can take care of ourselves and we will get justice.

Our poor girl, hope she knows how much we love her.

Being just and fair is when pain inflicts pain on the person who caused it and makes him realize that what pain actually feels like.

[awesome-taylor-hoogerdyk]

American Horror Story Coven A lovable Shit Show

Warning this review contains spoilers for American Horror Story Coven, but it came out in 2013, so if you have not seen it that is on you!  

Glee creators Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk bring us a new season of the T.V anthology American Horror Story. The new season comes off the high heels of American Horror Story Asylum. Coven introduces us to entirely new on slot of characters with some returning actors such as Sarah Paulson. Jessica Lange, Evan Peters, Taissa Farmiga, , Frances Conroy, Lily Rabe, Denis O’Hare,  Jamie Brewer, Alexandra Breckenridge, and Robin Bartlett. New members to the cast this season are Emma Roberts and Kathy Bates.

Description

The Story of American horror story Coven takes place after the young Zoe Bensons (played by Taissa Farmiga) discovered that she was a witch. This was discovered after an Incident where her boyfriend has hemorrhage while they were having sex. After the incident Zoe’s parents sent her to Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry oops , I mean Miss Robichaux’s Academy in New Orleans. Genre: comedy, horror and drama

Story/Plot

The storyline is a consistent problem in American Horror Story it is not just in the Coven season but with previous seasons as well. In American Horror Story it always feels as if they present a good premise and an amazing first episode but somehow it gets lost in the rest of the season. This is what I like to call the Steven Moffat effect (co-director of Sherlock and director of Doctor Who). Steven Moffat can direct excellent standalone episodes but never trust him with a full season as it progressively goes downhill. The reason I say they coven suffers from the Steven Moffat effect is that there are too many subplots and contradicting storylines contained in the overall story causing the main focus to get lost.  

(Warning this part contains spoilers.) American horror story presents is that the supreme is supposed to have glowing radiance and a clean bill of health. When Cordelia is revealed the supreme in the last episode, they contradict this rule, as Cordelia was revealed earlier to be infertile. This idea to me does not sound like glowing radiance or a clean bill of health.

Characters

There are quite a few characters in this season of American horror story so I will be focusing on some of the good and some of the bad.

The Good

Misty Day (Lily Rabe) Lily Rabes character although appearing very few times caught my heart. Misty Day was just an enjoyable character to watch. She was a witch to the end and she enjoyed gardening and loved wildlife so much that she brings back to life two alligators to kill a couple of poachers. I think that misty day brings out the swamp hippie inn use all. Plus she by fair had the best natural ability by fair the power of rejuvenation. In short misty day in a swamp hippie just singing her heart out to some Stevie Nicks and she caught all are harts with it.

Myrtle Snow (Frances Conroy) Myrtle Snow (Frances Conroy) was one of the best in American Horror Story, she was the primary caretaker for Cordelia (Sarah Paulson) when she was younger and later does everything she can for Cordelia when she loses her sight. Myrtle Snow show compassion and empathy for the young witches at the academy. Let’s not forget the rivalry between herself and Fiona (Jessica Lange) Myrtle was never afraid to call Fiona out on her shit even after she was burned at the stake.  I respect her for that all these traits make her one of the best characters in American Horror Story.

The Bad

Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett) Angela Bassett played one of the antagonists in this season of American horror story. With Angela’s character Marie Laveau, it presents us with an idea of a rivalry between witches and the voodoo practitioners. The show expects us to accept the idea of a rivalry between the two groups but there is nothing to support the idea whether it is the past or the present.  Marie Laveau was a real-life voodoo queen in New Orleans she owned a hair salon on the side for the upper class. She practiced black magic one the side but one thing that American Horror Story got wrong was the fact that Marie was a healer.  Marie would nurse those who were sick back to health and would post bail for free women of colour.  People visit her grave to this day and give her gifts in hopes for her to grant their wishes so seeing her as an immortal villain gives me a sour taste in my mouth.

Delphine LaLaurie (Kathy Bates) Kathy Bates Character Delphine Lalaurie is a horrible gruesome serial killer of her black slaves. Let’s not forget racist, but during her time in the modern age she grows to have quite a close bond with Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) a young African American girl who was in the Coven. Later Marie Laveau does a complete one-eighty and continues in her gruesome behavior while being in the Coven. Honestly, Kathy Bates’s character only offers slave torture “porn” and could be completely taken out. Nothing would really change in the story, the only real story changing plot her character offers is the fact that she was cursed by Marie. Delphine was cursed due to what she had done to Marie’s husband.  I mean if your husband had been tortured and turned in a type of Minotaur you would probably be mad too, but even Marie has another connection to the story through her rivalry with the coven.

What American Horror Story has done?

There is no semblance of a doubt in my mind that American Horror Story brought to light a dead genre. Before American horror Story no one was talking about horror television and no T.V shows were coming out under the horror Cata-Gory. Once American Horror story gained popularity you started seeing way more T.V marked as horror, true crime and even mystery with stories like Hannibal the reimagining of Alfred Hitchcock’s psycho with Bates Hotel and the Netflix original Hemlock grove all of these show had come out in 2013 After American horror story gained popularity. I am Glad that American horror story gained the popularity it did as it resurged a dead genre and a genre that is dear to me and maybe with more competition American Horror Stories writing will improve.

Did I enjoy Coven

Coven is by far my favorite season of American horror Story, that isn’t saying much as I haven’t finished Season Two and season one left me confused and disappointed.  I enjoyed the beginning of this season, as witches are my favorite supernatural creature.  Coven’s witches had interesting powers and a more interesting potential ways of being taught magic. The cinematography In American horror story is all done on film instead, of digital film.  The effects are done on set, an example of this would be that in episode one titled Bitchcraft, Michael Goi (cinematographer) shot on 16mm black and white film with heavy diffusion filters and a hand-crank, camera as to give the footage the feel of a news real.  This allowed American horror story a defined aesthetic, I appreciate all the hard work that Michael Goi does as it gives his work an authentic feel. But with all the story treads that they put out there and never finish as this is a consistent issue with American Horror story. One I can’t overlook as it affects my enjoyment as a viewer. If I was to give Coven a rating out of ten it would be a 5.5/10 a mediocre show all the way through.

[sarcasticsaddo]

MOVIE REVIEW: You Get Me

I did a poll on my instagram spam account (fatratglenn btw) and i got 100% votes for me to start and put movie reviews on my tumblr. so here goes nothing...

FIRST OF ALL.... this movie had 5 main characters - Holly, Tyler, Ali (or Alison), Gil and Lydia but the movie to me in general is primarily focused on Holly & Tyler.

So, basically the movie starts off with Tyler narrating about his life and blah blah blah *insert cliche teen boy shit in here* and how his new girlfriend has quote on quote ‘changed his life’. And briefly afterwards we’re taken to this cliche house party in the middle of damn nowhere where we are introduced to these privileged ass California teens. Then out of nowhere Tyler , our male protagonist, discovers his lovers (Ali’s) ‘vices’ (being the cliche popular party girl previously who insists she’ changed). He then talks to this misogynistic asshole Chandler - i mean Chase (i could not remember because the name is so overused) who speaks of Ali in a somewhat ‘disrespectful’ manner. The annoying thing about this is that the movie forces us and wants us to believe that this guy was important to Ali and is spilling about her old ways and is such a typical douche bag its kinda not believable. And ALSO this dude is all the way from San Fran, so accordingly to my research he would have to travel some good  383.2 miles just to see Ali and attend some party which he knows NOBODY there which is stupid and unrealistic. I just wanna say that ‘unrealism’ is to be expected in this movie - so be warned...

Ah, and then naturally in his typical douche bag token white guy ways, our boy Tyler gets off his tits ‘drunk’ just fir the purpose of him yelling at his girlfriend who declared his ‘soulmate’ 5 minutes ago! THIS MOVIE IS NOT CONSISTENT. Anyways, she then breaks up with him with no emotion whatsoever which instantly told me this movie had no hope for acting as i yawned. Prior to this we see him engage in a random and stupid conversation with Holly finally after a good 20 minutes of rambling. THEN he sees Holly and doesn't seem as drunk as he did 0.2 secs ago and gets in the car with this COMPLETE STRANGER and goes clubbing with her. Then we are ‘blessed’ with a cringey montage of he and her clubbing and taking what appears to be ecstasy. Then they continue to be unrealistic teens as they grind and make out for a solid 5 minutes on each other. This scene was especially painful to watch as Bella Thorne and Taylor John Smith had 0 chemistry but at least they tried. Then it cuts to the pair in bed after clearly having sex and just spends a good 15 minutes (it felt like the whole movie) of them both talking and bonding and in this HUGE MANSION which clearly isn’t Holly’s so doesn’t that tell you she’s a little PSYCHOTIC because she broke in for no damn reason?! Anyways, then Tyler and Holly fuck AGAIN and then he says he has to leave because ‘his parents’ (whom he said he only lived with his mom) would be worried. 

So he leaves and doesn’t show any interest in his Ex-Girlfriend Ali, until she texts him on--screen asking if they can talk - ONLY THEN HE’S INTERESTED. Then they have a cliche moment where he betrays her an lies but she doesn’t know it - SHOCKER! cliche again, i know. So a little while later she moves to his school and unnaturally starts becoming close with Ali, Gil, Lydia - much to Tyler's dismay which she clearly does so she can get to him. Then they make out forcefully privately and he says she can’t do this and that he’s going to be ‘fucking sorry’ which was arguably the best line in the entire movie and the one line spoken with actual emotion so bravo Bella Thorne for being the only one who can semi-act. 

Fast forward a couple more painful scenes and we find our selves seeing that Mr Dumb ass finally realized Holly is insane after she tells some lies that hurt his ego but (i agree with because he was so unlikable.) Also prior to this she tells him he used her, in which he of course denies, but to me was proven to be true as when they slept together they had a bond and he called it ‘special’ when he led her on to a false image which may have sparked her unhealthy desire for him in the first place. So yes, Tyler aka Mr ‘Such a good boyfriend’  did use Holly. 

Also note that there is a super uncomfortable make-out scene between Holly (Bella Thorne) and Gil (Nash Grier) when she speaks about her and Tyler’s fling to Ali (anonymously of course) on the beach because that’s where all Cali Teens hang right? 

Sooner or later Holly lies about being pregnant and talks about Tyler all the time and Ali never notices it being a little off because ,she too, has no brain just like everyone else except Lydia who is nearly killed so what does that tell you? Also near this moment we have, low and behold, the single handedly best scene of this god-awful movie, which is when the most likable character - Lydia suffers a seizure which is so dramatized and taken out of context considering the angles and close-up shots of her shaking her ass are not scary at all and are actually extremely hilarious, laughable and are simply comedic gold!

And then, just THEN Tyler realizes alongside a hospitalized Lydia, that this bitch, Holly is a FUCKING PSYCHO! I had to pause the damn movie to sigh in relief that this was finally noted. Then things get more ‘serious’ when Holly’’s baby-daddy, Tyler, shoves Holly who is allegedly pregnant which his child over and she bleeds and gets grazed, then she makes it her mission to tell Ali about them and she does.

Then our ‘beloved’ high-school couple (sorry Gabriela and Troy) break up at the damn beach AGAIN. Like seriously, could the director not have shot these scenes at different locations like we get it - they live in California and overly LOVE the beach, but showing something different would be a little refreshing, thanks. She says ‘she never wants to see him again’ boo-hoo crap and that’s the end of that.

BUT NOT BEFORE Holly ties fucking Alison upside down (like man that really took some effort getting up there) to her own ceiling at the mansion and then whilst Corrine, her stepmother (who doesn't do anything about her behavior despite being aware of it) tries to untie Ali but not before Holly (our favorite psychopath) strangulates her to death. This clearly showed Holly gave no fucks and made her more likable to me. 

Then Tyler and Gil turn up and there’s a classic cliche showdown which is borderline ripped right off of Scream and Friday the 13th etc in which Gil is nearly shot (OMG NASH GRIER NEARLY DIED SO INTENSE bull-crap!) and Tyler is shot in the shoulder and Ali grabs a fire-poker and stabs Holly in the side causing her to fall inevitably in to the pool. But get this - she’s not dead! - (somehow she didn’t drown or bleed to death, that was a pretty painful stab btw) as Tyler pretends so badly to be dying as Ali and Gil pretend to care and attend to him whilst the police arrive. Then Holly is implied to become obsessed with the ambulance nurse as she somehow lives and looks untouched completely. REALISTIC Y’ALL!

Then yay! all their problems are solved as 3 of them party at Tyler’s little sisters party and then it ends. Classic cliche happy ending , worst 89 minutes of my life.

Some other things i’d like to point out is how this film is meant to be an ‘American Thriller’. Excuse me, but this wasn’t dark nor a thriller - it was more like a dramatized teen movie that had been done in Hollywood several times over the past 40 decades prior to this 2017 flick. And, with some more emotion, better acting, script and realism added in (and much more) this could have had the potential to be a good and somewhat decent Netflix movie! I think despite all those factors, the thing that let this movie down also was the stupid cringey-ass cuts in-between scenes where it was a overview of California (implying YET AGAIN that the director wants you to know that’s where they live for some unspecified reason) which had a form of EDM neo pop generic dubstep TRASH playing over it too.

So yeah, this took me a while to type, and now my fingers are numb! But, this was and hopefully not my last movie review! Now please don't watch this movie because if this review and its 4.6 IMBd score and it’s 26% score on rottentomatoes.com proves that you should STAY THE HELL AWAY from this movie.

The only somewhat likable charters were Holly (the fucking psycho) and Lydia - the one who actually had a brain! All the other were extremely boring, unlikable and mediocre.

REVIEW CONCLUDED.

Until Next Time my dudes,

sarcastic-saddo

[kingdvms]

the bfs — in order from worst to “best”

1. ian ruble ( junior year hs august to march ) — had no interest in meeting his family, was always beefing with noeul, often got physical with him (the worst of it was him throwing uewon down onto the driveway but often used other forms of physical intimidation — i.e. punching walls and throwing things) and excused it by claiming he had anger issues and that uewon “triggered” him, was closeted so they had to hide their relationship, dumped uewon for a multitude of reasons

2. patrick sugiyama ( freshman year hs october to december ) — was literally 18 years old dating a 14 year old uewon, was dismissive towards his feelings and made him feel stupid for being even remotely emotional, verbally degraded uewon for his interest in anything that people viewed as “stereotypically gay” which contributed to his internalized homophobia, ghosted him and got a new boyfriend (who was only a year older than uewon) a week later that he posted all over social media

3. mason mckenzie ( senior year hs february to may ) — wins the award for hating noeul the most and often talked shit about their friendship to other people in uewon’s squad, would pull uewon just into the next room to scold him for even just sitting a little too close to noeul, esther once kicked him in the shin for saying something racist, the most “white gay” uewon ever went, the only one he actively dumped (after a fight got too psycho-analyze-y — “you’re just biding your time with me until noeul realizes you exist”)

4. chulwoo bae ( freshman year uni september to december ) — closeted boyfriend but willing to be flexible though not nearly enough considering uewon loves pda, chulwoo was there for one of the common “you two are a lovely couple” moments with noeul, definitely hated noeul but wasn’t too vocal about it (spent a lot of time trying to avoid hanging out with him though), broke up with uewon because he couldn’t pick chulwoo in an ultimatum given to him

5. ren suarez ( freshman year uni february to july ) — the obligatory indie, hyperliberal boyfriend, was a really cool guy but a mediocre boyfriend, was polyamorous which uewon didn’t mind but eventually stopped communicating about his hook-ups which made uewon bitter, tried to make everyone think their relationship was the pinnacle of intersectional gay love while uewon was just trying to be in a relationship, ren and his attempts to understand uewon always failed and eventually he gave up (the last conversation was him talking down to uewon for a good 20 minutes, basically telling him “you’re in love with noeul and it’s sad...”)

6. alexander zhou ( sophomore year hs october to june ) — probably the perfect boyfriend for him to have had when he did, he was definitely more of a parent than a boyfriend at most points, it helped uewon realize that he had to mature a bit more or everyone would be taking care of him, the only boyfriend that esther liked (though this was still reluctant) and that liked noeul, broke up with him because uewon “didn’t need him anymore” or at least that’s what he claimed

7. sonny byun ( sophomore year uni january to junior year uni october ) — the most recent ex, and evidently, the most tolerable, was actually a part of his friend group for a while before they figured out there was a mutual attraction, despite the fact that him and noeul were/are cool with each other, sonny still got uncomfortable when they were dating, was super conservative in terms of sex so uewon was sexually frustrated 24/7 until halfway through their relationship, sonny broke up with him because he claimed “they’d be better as friends again”, they’re really awkward