#severidissociative

[distortedidentity]

How I forced myself to dissociate, a guide for trans/severiDissociative beings

For me, dissociation has always come in "levels." I think, if I hadn't set things up in the order I did, it would be hard for me to dissociate the way I do now. I want to walk you through those levels, and offer some insight as someone who's been dissociating for 4+ years at the time of writing. Of course, everything on this list will be much easier for you if you're chronologically younger (neuroplasticity), and/or under persistent stress. Though, neither of those things are strictly necessary

For @kenochoricgardens. Supreme yapping below the cut

Derealisation

The first layer is derealisation. For me, the easiest thing to do was always detaching from the world around me. Derealisation is the experience of dissociating from your surroundings. I think it's a good jumping off point. The key to achieving derealisation is looking at how cis beings experience derealisation, and trying to "convince" yourself that you are also experiencing it

Cis beings tend to have a foggy perception of their environment while derealising. Some things I see frequently reported are a slowing/warping of time, muffled/distorted audio, and hazy or "far away" visuals. Some beings say their perception of size and depth skews, others say they feel as if in a "dream" or as if experiencing fiction rather than reality

Of course these are all more metaphors than real physical experiences. It isn't hallucinating, these examples are just meant to illustrate how your perception distorts. Even while derealising, beings are aware that what they're experiencing is a matter of perception, even if they're confused by what is real or fake in the moment

The easiest way I found to convince myself to derealise was by repeating affirmations. I know it sounds corny, but it is an easy way to will your brain into tricking itself. When I first started out, I repeated phrases such as "I am dissociating, this is really it, I'm detaching from my surroundings, what is real?" etc. For me it helped to really lay on that feeling of confusion. While you might not experience genuine derealisation the first time, it's the kind of thing you have to do every so often for it to actually kick in

Depersonalisation

Depersonalisation is the experience of dissociating away from yourself. Your sense of being, your own body, your emotions/thoughts, and even your memories. Cis beings tend to report a disconnect from their body when they look down, or an inability/difficulty to recognise their face in the mirror. They may experience their thoughts, emotions, and/or memories to be much harder to reach than usual, or separate from/"foreign" to them. They may feel numb towards pain, or unable to process it in the way they normally would. Cis beings tend to describe it as perceiving their own experiences from an outsiders point of view

Again, be sure to pull out those affirmations and keep in mind that this is all metaphorical. Some of my affirmations when I was starting out were "who am I? Who's body is this? I can't quite recall what I was thinking.. Are these memories mine?" and similar. I'd also recommend trying to "forget" the fact that you exist. Try to detach from your thoughts and your ability to discern that you are thinking. Try to lose track of your identity perception

Despite the fact that you should really try to layer most of these steps slowly, I do actually think you would benefit from doubling depersonalisation up with derealisation (unless you really only want one or the other). I'd wait until you have a bit more experience with the latter, though. Dp without dr is like a girl without a joystick an angel without it's wings /ref. In my opinion tag teaming your lack of dissociation is an effective way to alleviate it

Dissociative Amnesia

Level 3, dissociative amnesia. Dissociative amnesia is fairly self explanatory. Dissociation based amnesia. It usually happens in order to protect the brain from a harmful event/period. You don't really need steps 1&2 to get here, but it certainly helps.

Dissociative amnesia comes in many different forms. You may not be able to remember specific events, you may not be able to remember larger periods of time. You may even find yourself losing significant memory on the daily if you struggle with persistent stress. It also comes in different intensities. Some beings experience a total wiping of the memory/memories, whereas some beings can retrieve their memories with some effort

Choosing to induce dissociative amnesia is difficult, because it's so context specific. Unlike dp/dr it's not something you can repeat affirmations to whenever. Even if you don't have any particularly negative memories, you could still pick a certain memory/time period and refuse to think about it. Though I will say it's most effective when used as a coping mechanism to avoid bad things, as is any form of dissociation

If you do find yourself remembering, you could berate yourself for it. This was most helpful to me, because it gave my brain something negative to associate with the targeted memories. If you're not looking for a negative experience with dissociation, this might not be the best step for you though

Fragmentation

The final boss of voluntary dissociation, identity fragmentation. I don't really understand this as well as other forms of dissociation, but it describes the breaking down of identity into "parts". CDD systems are famous for it, but people with BPD and singlets with (C)PTSD also experience it to lesser degrees.

In systems, parts tends to look more or less like separate consciousnesses/people with their own wants, needs, and opinions. I'm less educated on BPD and PTSD, but it is my understanding that while fragmented, the parts are more facets of the being they belong to, rather than separate consciousnesses.

While I am fragmented, my fragmentation isn't at the level of cisplurality. I was able to achieve this after a year or so of practicing derealisation, depersonalisation, and dissociative amnesia + repressing aspects of myself. I understand that this seems like a very lengthy process, but I hope that your transition can be quicker with your intention, as mine was accidental.

I started by cutting off parts of myself. I convinced myself that they weren't real, that I wasn't really like that, etc. You could do the same. You could also berate yourself for displaying traits of the part you're looking to dissociate from, though again, this isn't strictly necessary if you're looking to have a non-negative relationship with dissociation. Something that will dramatically increase dissociation between your parts is thinking of them less as "parts", and more as psychological objects separate from you. Or, if you're aiming for plurality, assigning them a completely different identity

Final thoughts

In conclusion, affirm constantly. All brains are capable of dissociation to some degree if placed in the right conditions. I understand how slow and tedious transitioning can be, but over time you will begin to notice changes. If it helps, fake it till you make it, even to yourself. Pretending is another form of affirmation. My biggest piece of advice is to use these tips as coping mechanisms. That's typically what dissociation is. I hope this is useful for you. Good luck with your transition!

[permababy]

🌶🍉🍍?

🌶: what's a transID that seems interesting and neat, but you can't see yourself identifying with?

transpooltoy! i saw it recently and reblogged it and i think it's super cute and cool! however i am not a pooltoyfur in the slightest. i am transstuffedanimal/transplushie though, so i support my siblings in pooltoyhood :3

🍉: do you have any identities that you don't often see others with?

transage anything under kidage! most transage people i know are kids, tweens or teens.

and this is identity related, but more relating to personal nouns, etc. are aninouns and ESPECIALLY agenouns. i think i am the only one ive met who uses agenouns

🍍: what transID are you hoping to transition to the most, or what transID(s) are you currently transitioning to?

ids i want to transition to: incontinent, nonverbal/verbalflux, adored, wheelchairuser, aac-user, nullperiod, italianlanguage, nullglasses, diapered, severidissociation (more), realityshifter

ids im transitioning to right now: weight (gaining), more plural

there's ones im kind of thinking abt transitioning to but i might start/keep it online for a while first....

[kenochoricgardens]

this was very thorough. thank you for writing this

How I forced myself to dissociate, a guide for trans/severiDissociative beings

For me, dissociation has always come in "levels." I think, if I hadn't set things up in the order I did, it would be hard for me to dissociate the way I do now. I want to walk you through those levels, and offer some insight as someone who's been dissociating for 4+ years at the time of writing. Of course, everything on this list will be much easier for you if you're chronologically younger (neuroplasticity), and/or under persistent stress. Though, neither of those things are strictly necessary

For @kenochoricgardens. Supreme yapping below the cut

Derealisation

The first layer is derealisation. For me, the easiest thing to do was always detaching from the world around me. Derealisation is the experience of dissociating from your surroundings. I think it's a good jumping off point. The key to achieving derealisation is looking at how cis beings experience derealisation, and trying to "convince" yourself that you are also experiencing it

Cis beings tend to have a foggy perception of their environment while derealising. Some things I see frequently reported are a slowing/warping of time, muffled/distorted audio, and hazy or "far away" visuals. Some beings say their perception of size and depth skews, others say they feel as if in a "dream" or as if experiencing fiction rather than reality

Of course these are all more metaphors than real physical experiences. It isn't hallucinating, these examples are just meant to illustrate how your perception distorts. Even while derealising, beings are aware that what they're experiencing is a matter of perception, even if they're confused by what is real or fake in the moment

The easiest way I found to convince myself to derealise was by repeating affirmations. I know it sounds corny, but it is an easy way to will your brain into tricking itself. When I first started out, I repeated phrases such as "I am dissociating, this is really it, I'm detaching from my surroundings, what is real?" etc. For me it helped to really lay on that feeling of confusion. While you might not experience genuine derealisation the first time, it's the kind of thing you have to do every so often for it to actually kick in

Depersonalisation

Depersonalisation is the experience of dissociating away from yourself. Your sense of being, your own body, your emotions/thoughts, and even your memories. Cis beings tend to report a disconnect from their body when they look down, or an inability/difficulty to recognise their face in the mirror. They may experience their thoughts, emotions, and/or memories to be much harder to reach than usual, or separate from/"foreign" to them. They may feel numb towards pain, or unable to process it in the way they normally would. Cis beings tend to describe it as perceiving their own experiences from an outsiders point of view

Again, be sure to pull out those affirmations and keep in mind that this is all metaphorical. Some of my affirmations when I was starting out were "who am I? Who's body is this? I can't quite recall what I was thinking.. Are these memories mine?" and similar. I'd also recommend trying to "forget" the fact that you exist. Try to detach from your thoughts and your ability to discern that you are thinking. Try to lose track of your identity perception

Despite the fact that you should really try to layer most of these steps slowly, I do actually think you would benefit from doubling depersonalisation up with derealisation (unless you really only want one or the other). I'd wait until you have a bit more experience with the latter, though. Dp without dr is like a girl without a joystick an angel without it's wings /ref. In my opinion tag teaming your lack of dissociation is an effective way to alleviate it

Dissociative Amnesia

Level 3, dissociative amnesia. Dissociative amnesia is fairly self explanatory. Dissociation based amnesia. It usually happens in order to protect the brain from a harmful event/period. You don't really need steps 1&2 to get here, but it certainly helps.

Dissociative amnesia comes in many different forms. You may not be able to remember specific events, you may not be able to remember larger periods of time. You may even find yourself losing significant memory on the daily if you struggle with persistent stress. It also comes in different intensities. Some beings experience a total wiping of the memory/memories, whereas some beings can retrieve their memories with some effort

Choosing to induce dissociative amnesia is difficult, because it's so context specific. Unlike dp/dr it's not something you can repeat affirmations to whenever. Even if you don't have any particularly negative memories, you could still pick a certain memory/time period and refuse to think about it. Though I will say it's most effective when used as a coping mechanism to avoid bad things, as is any form of dissociation

If you do find yourself remembering, you could berate yourself for it. This was most helpful to me, because it gave my brain something negative to associate with the targeted memories. If you're not looking for a negative experience with dissociation, this might not be the best step for you though

Fragmentation

The final boss of voluntary dissociation, identity fragmentation. I don't really understand this as well as other forms of dissociation, but it describes the breaking down of identity into "parts". CDD systems are famous for it, but people with BPD and singlets with (C)PTSD also experience it to lesser degrees.

In systems, parts tends to look more or less like separate consciousnesses/people with their own wants, needs, and opinions. I'm less educated on BPD and PTSD, but it is my understanding that while fragmented, the parts are more facets of the being they belong to, rather than separate consciousnesses.

While I am fragmented, my fragmentation isn't at the level of cisplurality. I was able to achieve this after a year or so of practicing derealisation, depersonalisation, and dissociative amnesia + repressing aspects of myself. I understand that this seems like a very lengthy process, but I hope that your transition can be quicker with your intention, as mine was accidental.

I started by cutting off parts of myself. I convinced myself that they weren't real, that I wasn't really like that, etc. You could do the same. You could also berate yourself for displaying traits of the part you're looking to dissociate from, though again, this isn't strictly necessary if you're looking to have a non-negative relationship with dissociation. Something that will dramatically increase dissociation between your parts is thinking of them less as "parts", and more as psychological objects separate from you. Or, if you're aiming for plurality, assigning them a completely different identity

Final thoughts

In conclusion, affirm constantly. All brains are capable of dissociation to some degree if placed in the right conditions. I understand how slow and tedious transitioning can be, but over time you will begin to notice changes. If it helps, fake it till you make it, even to yourself. Pretending is another form of affirmation. My biggest piece of advice is to use these tips as coping mechanisms. That's typically what dissociation is. I hope this is useful for you. Good luck with your transition!