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cuntycheol · 1 year ago

Text

To You (C.SC)

Summary: Silence has always been a long-term paying guest between you and your husband. It took a cohabitation and more, to turn things around for Seungcheol and you, to figure out your true feelings.

Themes: romance, fluff, smutty, old money Seungcheol cuz he's your rich, cold but tender husband and you're his smart wifey, scenes of a firebreakout(please skip if you're triggered), some nice scenes of Singapore, and the first smut happens already (virgin!couple, slight inexperiences, orals, vanilla!) Cheol's very warm please I love him so much we'll save the real Cheol monstercock for the future ;3

WC: 7.7K

Playlist: Seventeen's (To You, All My Love, Falling for You SDSMSN, Darling), By My Side by Junny, Better Siopaolo , Alina Baraz (Floating, Alone with you, if you let me) I.M Flower-ed, Bibi Step

feel free to arrange them sowwy they're a lil mis arranged

A/N: helloo carats!! Had to make my first post about my man Cheol(thank u to my man) with the good ol' husband!au. It's evident im in my "oh husband cheol feelings" where we loving him real good! I've been impatient so I posted it a bit earlier than expected :D my comfort loving carats, this is based off All My Love and To You lyrics <3 I hope you enjoy this piece of writing as much as I enjoyed writing this! Happy Cheol Day you living legend coupranghae btches :")

Updated: mini sequel here <3

Life was divided into four distinct categories, after one whole month of your brand new status as Mrs. Choi, or Mr. Choi Seungcheol's wife:

Breakfasts with and for Seungcheol because he confessed he anticipates what you offer in the am

Touring the exquisite royalty of the mansion built by his great grandparents(specially the crimson paints)

Spending time with Seungcheol's Mom since she adores you more than her son!

Dinner n Slumber, where you sleep with a wall that separates you from your husband.

You don't exactly think it'd change; however you do expect it to. Everyday, you wake up in your own room, without the warmth of your husband because neither of you are exactly ready to sleep on the same bed together, and neither of you can sacrifice your comfort on the couch. Therefore a shared decision convinces your elders to grant your marriage the gift of time, a chance to understand one another before embracing a shared room and shared life. All credit to Seungcheol's mom, who chose you to be her son's perfect match, a decade ago. She envisioned you as the one to be her son's beacon of illumination in his life, and the way your personality coincides with his. Who knew you'd be repaid for your kindness of tagging along with your grandfather to meet his ailing friend, (Seungcheol's grandfather) with a coerced, arranged marriage to their youngest grandson. It was on you to navigate this relationship towards love and the more easier it sounds, the harder it gets.

Your husband's honesty shines through, expressing that his family holds the utmost importance in his heart, and he could never deny his mother's wishes. Although he initially declined the marriage proposal, the elders' persuasion led him to reluctantly agree. Absolute zero differences in both of your situations. Despite the arranged marriage, he promises to ensure your comfort and well-being. Polite knocks on your door in the morning signify his presence, seeking breakfast if you're up for the task, and he would either leave a note saying "ThankYou" or he would leave a fresh flower on the dining table as a small gesture of appreciation for your efforts in preparing breakfast, letting your pride swell with all this generosity, although you'd wish he says it with his own mouth, overcoming those barriers. Considerate compliments follow whether you're dressed in your best, try some new hairstyles, or ofcourse, after enjoying your delightful meals, was one thing that made you hopeful about this relationship.

It's evident he lacks communication, since he only speaks to you at mornings and occasionally on texts, whenever he's late. He possesses no punctuality but you're quick to realize he has a pattern in timings of when he wakes up, when he returns, when he sleeps. Throughout the day, you don't exactly see him. At nights you barely sit with him. He's either in his room or on his laptop. Nothing, among you two, seems like you're in a bond with the youngest heir of this luxurious business.

"Don't forget, the dinner's scheduled tonight" you chime, while he was leaving. He nods and drives his way out for another busy day.

Marrying a business tycoon of "old money" and serving him great breakfasts, were the last thing you expected in your simple life, where you were focused on academic and personal glowups, and rarely had any serious past relationships, or have slept with anyone.

You just believed better things await for you, and if those better things were in the shape of a young handsome husband, who were you to complain.

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"So! Have you decided a honeymoon destination?" Seungcheol's sister-in-law questions, at a calm family dinner. Seungcheol takes a sip from the drink, "I'm positively considering Greece or Bali, or maybe Fiji. We haven't played rock papers scissors yet to choose one destination" earning a small chuckle from everyone, Seungcheol continues to feast on the delicious dinner you had prepared. A variety of topics continue to be discussed and that was the only response Seungcheol ever said throughout dinner.

While the family members took their departure, after another hour of dessert sessions, you thought about his remark, if there's any depth to it. The honeymoon idea and what he has said so far, made you a bit ecstatic.

Seungcheol's seated on the couch, of the lounge upstairs, sipping his usual coffee. you lean towards the railings of the top floor, where yours and Seungcheol's bedrooms neighbored. He looks at you, with tender eyes, yet a cold expression. "So, about the whole honeymoon thing, are you-"

"Oh "don't worry about it," Seungcheol's dismissively remarks, taking another sip of his coffee. "Family dinners are meant for prying into things we wouldn't discuss on a typical morning," he explains. "And Honestly, I don't see the need for a honeymoon." Your heart sinks at his response, disappointment clouding your expression. "But I thought we could at least look at brochures together? Atleast discuss this thoroughly" you respond, trying to mask your disappointment with a glimmer of hope that he might consider it.

Seungcheol lets out a weary sigh, his tone becoming more serious. "You don't have to give in to everything my family demands. They can be nosy, but they'll eventually drop the topic after a few days." He glances down at his laptop, signaling that the matter is closed.

You can't help but feel a pang of hurt as Seungcheol's words crush your hopeful expectations. The thought of a romantic getaway had brought some solace, but now it seems like a distant dream.

"But Seungcheol," you protest softly, trying to keep your emotions without losing your temper, "it's just that a honeymoon could be a chance for us to spend some quality time together, away from only meeting on breakfasts, away from the hustle of daily life, away from being silent everyday, and both of us make an effort, to get to know each other better" He glances up from his laptop, his expression stoic, but you can sense a hint of frustration in his eyes. "I understand your perspective," he replies calmly, "but I'm not sure a honeymoon is the right way to achieve that. We can spend time together here, without the pressure of a fancy trip. We're not close enough nor we're a match to be doing this in the first place"

at this moment, you find yourself getting defensive...

"It's not about a fancy trip, Seungcheol. It's about creating memories, experiencing new things together, and building a connection outside of this huge mansion... where we live in distant bedrooms" you gesture around you, emphasizing the splendor of the place that seems to distance you both from the real world.

His eyes widen momentarily at your words, and you see a flash of emotion that he quickly hides. "It's not that," he retorts yet defensively, "I just think this honeymoon is an unnecessary pressure, and we should be honest about our feelings and not pretend."

You take a step back, hurt and anger welling up inside you. "So, all this time, we were just a pretense? You're quite audacious to say we're incompatible, considering the amount of time you spend with me. Count the days we ever went out? That's right. Zero" you scoff, "you know what, let's just forget this. Forget I ever asked you anything. Thankyou, for lightening my evening, Good Night" Before he could utter a response or rephrase everything, you stomp your way into your bedroom, hiding your face in your palms, feeling a bit guilty of losing your cool already when it hadn't been a while.

Seungcheol stood there, a mix of regret and realization washing over him. He knew he had made a mistake, once again, with his poorly chosen words to convey his thoughts. The truth was, he had never really learned how to express himself properly; heck he couldn't even say a proper "you're so pretty, I think I have started to find some meaning into this relationship?" to the woman he's been living with, in the same house. Unfortunately words often tumbled out of his mouth without a second thought, and he rarely considered how they might sound or how they could impact the other person. As a result, he found himself remaining silent at critical moments, fearing that his words might only cause more harm than good.

The argument with you had brought this flaw to the forefront of his mind. He recognized that his lack of effective communication had hurt you, leaving you disappointed and disheartened. He raises his fist to knock at your door, wishing he could take back his words and find a way to bridge the growing distance between the two of you, yet again, he retreats.

The same gesture was for you standing in front of your door, trying to atleast add a subtle apology, but an instant realization made you stomp your foot dramatically and jump into the warm bed.

-------------------------------------------------------

The next day, you refuse to make any breakfast, or contribute to the daily household activities like you usually do. You sulk in your room, either pacing back and forth, ordering your meal,coffee and everything upstairs.

It angered you how much you like Seungcheol. How deep of an infatuation you've developed towards him, in such a short time, finding glimpses of someone beneath the surface that you want to know better. Yet, the argument hangs heavy in the air, making you doubt whether your budding emotions stand a chance. You journal everything; how much of an asshole he is to not communicate properly, how many layers are there to him, and the only time you two talk, is for an arguement? Everything frustrated you. You hear Seungcheol in the distant, and as much as you were cross with him, you want to look at him, and admire his presence. Although its the first ever arguement you two share, the typical wife in you, expects flowers and apologies first from your husband.

Seungcheol, on the other hand, would often glance upstairs, or at your door. He would expect to see your charming face, he silently admires. Only to slump his shoulders and leave for work everyday.

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Two days pass by, and midnights strike, as you sit alone in your room, the argument with Seungcheol still fresh in your mind, you try to calm your emotions, occassionally collecting your thoughts in process of reading. Lost in your contemplation, you fail to notice the faint smell of burning wires in the air. The faulty switch connected to the lamp had been giving you trouble for a while, but you hadn't paid much attention to it, thinking it was a minor inconvenience, and indeed the most minor issues ignite major disasters.

Suddenly, a small spark ignites near the switch, and within seconds, the flames start to spread rapidly. Second situation of the night escalating this quick. Panic sets in as you realize the danger you're in.

Your heart races as you rush to the door, only to find that it's jammed, likely due to the fire's heat warping the frame. Fear grips you, knowing you're trapped. With no time to waste, you quickly grab your phone and dial the emergency number. Your voice trembles as you explain the situation and your exact location in the house. You yell out Seungcheol's name, as loud as possible, but unable to do so with the smoke rising.

Soon it starts to fill the room, making it hard to breathe. You look around for something to cover your mouth and nose, finding a nearby cloth to protect yourself as you wait for help to arrive. With all your remaining strength, you fan the rising smoke outside the door, to trigger the smoke alarms.

Seungcheol, who was now downstairs fetching a glass of wine trying to prompt an apology for the day he gathers his courage to, smells the smoke and hears the faint crackling of flames; soon he's shaken by the fire alarms sensing smoke. Panic overtakes him as he realizes this leads to your room. As he rushes upstairs, he hears faint bangings from your room, which stops. He calls out your name, but there's no response. Fear for your safety drives him to take action.

Seungcheol approaches the door, with all his force, he breaks it open. only to find the room engulfed in flames. Your figure is barely visible through the dense smoke. He rushes towards your feeble helpless frame, ignoring the scorching heat and billowing smoke. He finds you near window, trying to escape the inferno. With tears in his eyes, he wraps you in his arms and guides you towards the window, with the flames slowly engulfing the entrance door of your room.

In a span of a few minutes, sirens grows louder, and moments later, paramedics and fire brigades arrive, rushing to extinguish the flames and rescue both of you. They break through the main gates, helping you and Seungcheol escape to safety.

"Please check on her! She was unconcious and barely breathing I'm -I Plea-" Seungcheol fails to form a proper sentence.

"Please calm down sir, we're checking on her, and we'll assisst you. You are...?"

"Her husband! Please hurry and check on her god damnit!!" He yells in frustration hoping you're safe.

Soon, you were able to breathe on your own, and slowly you flutter your eyes open, chest heaving from the sudden attack of the horrific accident. Before it could escalate any further, you were given appropriate medications to trigger your drowsiness.

In the aftermath tranquility of this burning situation, Seungcheol stand outside, watching as firefighters work tirelessly to put out the remaining flames. Grateful to have survived the terrifying ordeal, he holds onto your numb hands, finaly letting his tears slip his eyes. He was so grateful to stop a major tragedy, and you're safe, with him.

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The morning sunlight gently seeps through the curtains as you feel it, only to be met with haunting flashbacks of the previous night's terrifying fire, your hopeless voice calling your husband's name, beneath your vision. You shot your eyes open and sit up, heart pounding in your chest as the vivid memories replay in your mind, leaving you trembling with fear. Tears stream down your cheeks as the trauma overwhelms you, and you find it hard to catch your breath.

Seungcheol's immediately awaken by your distress, pulling you into his arms. " I'm here y/n calm down shush..." he whispers tenderly, stroking your head, trying to comfort your trembling body as best as he can. He embraces you tightly in his arms, allowing you to cry and release the floodgates of emotions open from the harrowing experience.

He listens to your trembling sobs, his heartbeats a steady rhythm against your ear, and he continues to stroke your arms and back, comforting you through the turmoil. As you find consolation in his warmth, your clenched fists loosen their grip on the fabric of his shirt, his touch brings a sense of safety and reassurance that you desperately need in this moment. You look at him through your red eyes, as he smiles at you endearingly.

"Seungcheol- I...I'm so sorry" you sniff, gripping his hand, "I never knew that faulty switch would bring this huge mess upon us. You must be the one affected the most. I'm so sorry you had to go through this because of me. I should've let you known" you sob.

He gently wipes your tears, resting your head back on his shoulders "as long as you're safe, I'm at peace. It is my fault that I'm so...uh..quite unapproachable? But I went through hell when I saw you. I was sick worried. I'm sorry I should've protected you better. I should've run a new repair scheme as soon as you moved in. It was my insensitivity to let the most minor things slide" he slowly lies down, with you close to him. He smelled nothing like how the entire house did. He smelled sweet and strong. Everything indeed happens for a reason, as you sense how you're into the man, who rarely touches you, holding you dear.

Throughout the day, your husband Seungcheol stayed by your side, enveloping you in comforting embraces. He ordered breakfast to be delivered to his room, encouraging you to take small steps towards regaining your strength and energy to get on your feet. He offered the support you needed to gather the courage to move on your own and freshen up with a soothing shower.

While you were in the shower, he quietly left the room, allowing you some privacy to release the pent-up emotions that had been bottled up inside you. As the water washed away your tears, the conversations from two nights ago still loomed heavily, unresolved between you both. Yet, amidst the silence and uncertainty, there were his tender gazes - soft and caring. They were like ice on a sunburn, cooling your worries and offering a glimpse of hope. Though words may not have been spoken, his presence spoke volumes, showing that he was there for you in this trying time. You peer outside the window, to see the iron gates glistening with the fog, pitch black sky and the time's almost 11.

Once again, your husband returns into his room, after confirming you've changed, and he smiles at you, approaching with a plate of fruits and berries of all kinds. He was unsure of what your favorite fruit was. He felt unfortunate, of how unaware he is of your preferences. He hands you a bowl of strawberries, and elegantly peels an orange, handing the fruit to you.

"I'm sorry about the previous night" he begins. It catches you off-guard, yet you figure out you're the listener now. "I'm not the best with words, and I do realize I've hurt you-or even worse, left you disheartened. Yet again, I'm at a loss of what should I say, except that let's go on with the honeymoon plans. It may not be the best time right now, but whenever you're sure of doing this, tell me every detail about it; everything you desire for. We'll discuss it." he lifts his eyes towards you, with a subtle smile.

"I thought about everything, and upon contemplation, I realize I do want to give us a chance" you couldn't contain the bubbling happiness, and immediately hug him "thankyou so so so much Seungcheol. I'm glad you get my point" he was frozen at this sudden gesture, yet didn't fail to chuckle. Although he smiled discreetly knowing how wife-coded you are. "Let's begin as friends? Married friends? We'll know each other little by little" you suggest. "Sure, whatever you suggest" he smiles, shaking your hand.

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Amidst the haunting shadows of the accident's aftermath, and quite some insomnias later, time became your ally, gently coaxing you out of the horrors that had shaken your world. However you found an unexpected haven of love and affection with your husband. In your head, this friendship has escalated rapidly. A realization dawned upon you - the past may have shaped your paths, but the present had the power to rewrite destinies. Over time you had found solace in cohabitation with your husband, late-night conversations about life's intricacies, you delved into shared preferences, whispered dreams, cherished birthdays, and bittersweet memories of childhood. And everyday you discover new sides of him. Soon, you call him "husband" essentially finding pride and power in doing so. He was surprised at first, yet now he loves being called nicknames like "Cheol" or "Cheollie".

In Seungcheol, you found everything you admired in a man - daring, possessive, with a stunning face and a strong physique. He loved to be in shape, and encouraged you to stay fit, though romance wasn't his forte, he never faltered in taking care of necessities. While you weren't sure if you brightened his world, he became your epiphany. His struggles with eye contact and occasional mindless words unveiled the emotions he guarded, making you grateful for the accident that brought you together; without it, you might have given up on him. Now, you cherished the connection that had grown, exploring the depths of both your hearts.

Seungcheol realized soon that the collision of your worlds had a purpose, unveiling the potential for love and connection he hadn't dared to imagine. He slowly felt a major change in himself. Slowly, a transformation took place within him. Moments that were once filled with hesitation and distance, now became opportunities for seeking your attention, for his eyes to meet yours. He longed to be closer to you, finding comfort in watching you sleep peacefully at night and waking up to your smile each morning.

However, amidst this newfound affection, he couldn't decipher where his heart truly lay. Your mother's loving gestures and his sister-in-law's respectful fondness were easy to understand, but when it came to your feelings, he was left uncertain. Did you like him back? Would you ever be able to reciprocate his love? The questions lingered, leaving him vulnerable to the unknown, anxiously awaiting the day he could unravel the mysteries of your heart. It's an endless marathon in his mind.

It took him 4 days to gather his courage and ask you for coffee. You laugh and obviously agreed to accompany him to the city's famous coffee spot. Like the man he was, he memorizes your order and pulls into a drive thru.

Seungcheol drives to a spot he usually stops by, to ease his frustrations; Parks. Laughter of children, romantic couples sharing pda, and a bridge that separates cherry blossoms from the playground, you're immediately in love with this scenario. Both of you share some laughter, and enjoy your coffees and croissants, while the petals of the blossoms shed upon you. The look of love you two exchanged was long; to leave your coffees cold and croissants dry. Both of your worlds revolved around each other, only for Kkuma's barks to bring you back in reality, being greeted by Seungcheol's brother and his wife. Your delightful evening ends with a comfortable dinner and living your best chances of being Kkuma's mother, something your two month marriage with Seungcheol lacked.

Soon enough, you persuaded Seungcheol to shift houses permanently. Despite your old room being perfectly repaired, the trauma of sleeping alone had left a lasting impact. Bonus was Kkuma finally moving in with you and Seungcheol. Understanding your perspective, Seungcheol readily accepted to have you in his room in this house, and the new one seeking, welcoming the idea without hesitation.

Within a mere three days, you both found yourselves settling into your new furnished apartment, which, wasn't expansive, it rather held the essence of a cozy aesthetic. With only one guest room upstairs and a spacious bedroom, you had insisted on sharing the same space, declining any notions of personal separation. He made sure to double check every single thing, to disapprove any mishaps.

"Cheol, this is beautiful! I-I love it!! Thankyou so much, husband!" To him it's no new information, but his cheeks flushed shades of cherries. You were too busy exploring your new house, and he couldn't help but adore every inch of your ecstacy.

"Any time, wife" he replies after clearing his throat, and containing his ecstacy.

You poured your gratitudes to Seungcheol the entire day and actively joined hands with you, playfully engaging in household tasks, cherishing every moment as you transformed the apartment into your shared abode, a place that signified the start of your new world together. Nothing changed in terms of routine, however, you two communicate often,and now there were sparks of mischief from Seungcheol, indicating that silence was no more a welcoming guest. And now Kkuma being an addition, you enjoyed being indoors and outdoors with her. It wasn't often both of you enjoy going out often unless its something such as icecream dates or coffee, or some relaxing walks, because neither of you go anywhere out of your comfort zone; except for a business trip or grocery shopping, however the joy of turning down people who ask for your status, was thrilling. You felt a sense of superiority.

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The next evening he returns home a little earlier than expected, searching for an important flash drive in his drawer. It seemed you were in shower, considering how loud you were singing. He smiles, hearing your soft voice echoing in the room, and suddenly the door knob twisting open. Seungcheol quickly slides open the closet door and gets inside.

It was foolish of him to hide instead of leave, but he thought maybe his presence would freak you out. He slowly opens a little to take notes of the surrounding and was taken aback, seeing you in a towel, and your hair wrapped. He gulps, seeing your glistening body smell like lavender, spreading in the room.

Seeing you in this new light, he couldn't help but feel a surge of desire mixed with love. He had never viewed you with such intense admiration before. Tempted to touch and hold you, he controlled his impulses, knowing it was too soon for his hands to explore your curves yet this is the most skin he's seen of you.

You lie down on the bed, laughing and smiling to everything that went in your beautiful mind. Soon you dial your best friend and start off a conversation. Seungcheol senses this was a grave mistake, because phonecalls are obviously long. He had no choice but to stay inside until you're distracted. He facepalms himself, and slowly leans towards the side. You put the phone on speaker while you do your post shower rituals, moisturizing yourself in view of the full length mirror.

"Is Seungcheol home right now? Or should I say your husband" your friend teases you

"Good lord, no he's not. Infact a business trip awaits his presence"

"Tch that's sad. No wonder why you're calling me and not him"

"My man's busy. Sometimes I just hope come early one day and catch me like this? My mind goes places whenever I get out of shower and think of him coming in without notice" you smile coyly "darling you're on my to-do list tonight" you chuckle. Seungcheol could only smirk, after hearing your fantasies.

"Honey you're too inexperienced for this" she retorts

"Inexperienced my foot, I miss my husband already.... and safe to say I actually love him" you sigh.

"Have you told him about your feelings? Have you told him you've never been laid and are deprived" Seungcheol closely listens to everything, occasionally holding his laughter.

"No" you pout again, falling on your back, unaware of seungcheol who was shamelessly hearing you, while admiring your raised chest, that was swollen out off the unknown feelings of you, from him.

"I want to. Everytime I look at him, I want to tell him 'oh Cheollie I love you' " you laugh with your friend, "I'm seriously in love with him and it scares me how quick and sudden it all was. And now its- he's giving me mixed signals. Sometimes he's distant, and sometimes he makes me the most lucky woman ever. I want to tell him I love him, I just don't know when or how" you continue

"Dont say anything. Just go on your honeymoon, and sit on his face, the 2nd hour. Afterall actions speak louder than words" both of you laugh heartily. Seungcheol breathes out a laugh yet onto it, knowing it's over if he's caught.

"Tell me about it" you sigh.

"Seriously! Talk with him and confess! Since when did you become such a big pussy"

"Honey I'm the one with the pussy"

"Goddamn, you- seriously- talk to him. What if he s involved in someone else the time you say the words"

You went silent, the thought just made you sit back up, nd think about it. Could he really have someone else?

"I...highly doubt that. My mother-in-law said he's never really had a serious relationship, since he was focused on training back then"

"Honey its not written on your face that you've never had a man, it aint written on his face that he may have a potential girlfriend before you. What you'll be doing then?" Your friend continues "I hope he's not doing this out of sympathy, considering that whole incident"

Again you felt numb all over, it would've killed you inside out if the signs of Seungcheol's empathy and love was all out of sympathy. However you shake your thoughts, and put a heavy heart on your words, "Then what I'm the one who married him, and I get to choose if I stay or take the other way"

Seungcheol gulped, knowing time is definitely ticking and if he still don't do anything, he'll surely regret.

"Atta girl!"

Suddenly Kkuma runs out from underneath your bed and into the bathroom, and you chase her. "Ahhhhh kkuma stop you frenzy lil- I'll call back later" you chase your daughter, and Seungcheol seeks this as a perfect opportunity to escape.

"Kkuma!!!! That's your dad's favorite shampooo aaa!" You exclaim. Seungcheol takes this opportunity to sprint out of the room, laughing a little at your banter. The smile plastered on his face was priceless. His chest heaved with happiness, ego swollen with pride, heart relieved and thrilled with all the revelations. If he knew anything as a businessman, it was to have a plan. He needs to be prepared for everything beforehand and time was a precious investment. And it was finally time he need to make his first move.

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"Are you interested in accompanying me to this business trip?" Seungcheol asks, out of the blue during breakfast.

"Well, I don't see exactly why wouldn't I" you raise your brows "thought I'd say no"

"Hey hey, it's not that! I just wondered if you'd be up for some adventure, that's all."

"Adventure, huh?" you reply, pretending to ponder dramatically. "Hmm, only if you promise to bring some fun into this 'business' trip."

He smirks, tapping his fingers on the table. "Deal! I'll make sure it's the most adventurous business trip you've ever been on" you're aware of your husband's antics, and it's evident he's brewing something.

You laugh, finding his playful demeanor contagious. "Alright then, you've got yourself a travel buddy. But you better keep your promise, Mr. Businessman."

Seungcheol winks, flashing you a charismatic smile. "Oh, don't you worry, Mrs. Businesswoman. It'll be an unforgettable journey" Kkuma barks in excitement

"Exactly Kkuma" he cheers.

You couldn't help but smile, at how domestic life has turned ever since the coast is clear between you two. The idea of being overseas with Seungcheol sparked a new imagination for you.

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Whoever said travelling is easy, it never is.

After hours of a tiring flight, you found yourself in Singapore, the astonishing city of tourism. The sights were indeed beautiful, with city skyscrapers and landscapes that mesmerized you. The fresh air was a welcome change, adding a touch of excitement to this trip. Your husband, with his penchant for luxury, had chosen a hotel room at a height, providing a stunning view of the city and the rivers below."It must be even more beautiful at night," you thought, taking in the scenery.

Seungcheol's voice broke through your thoughts, and you turned to see him leaning against the doorway, arms crossed, looking incredibly attractive in his white shirt.

"Like what you see?" he teased, clearly enjoying the attention he was receiving.

"Sure I do," you replied with a nervous smile, trying to contain your admiration for him.

"I'll shower first then! I'll be heading out soon, so please order lunch for me as well," he said, scrunching his nose playfully before disappearing into the bathroom.

Following his request, you ordered lunch and kept yourself busy taking pictures of the breathtaking views from your room. Lost in the beauty of the city, you were interrupted by the doorbell, and to your surprise, there stood Seungcheol, clad only in sweatpants, with the towel hanging around his shoulders. You tried your best to keep composure "Oop! Quite a timing, lunch is here" you tried to maintain eye contact but it was hard; both for your eyes to keep to his face, and for his nipples to remain soft in the chilly air of the A/C. It was thrilling and embarassing, considering you now know what he is inside that white shirt he always wears.

"Sure, Thanks. Heard my phone ring" he walks over to the side table for his phone "I'll be quick" he chuckles knowing the effect he had on you. You swore you felt tingles everywhere, and bury your face in your hands, hiding the flusters of your red face and feels. Unbeknownst to you, Seungcheol could see your flustered reactions through the reflection of the window; full enough to capture the city's highlights. He knew he has unlocked a new level.

"Sure this journey will be unforgettable"

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While Seungcheol's been busy attending meetings and chats with his clients, you took this opportunity to explore the city's famous landmarks, enjoying some street shows, and a visit to art galleries and ice cream parlors. The times he's available, he shines as usual; enjoying different flavors, mingling with the dancers, and spending like anything on ferris wheel rides, and to exquisite places you've either seen on searches, or never heard of it.

"So Mrs Businesswoman how are you enjoying your stay so far?" He inquires, leaning rowards the railings of the bridge.

"Amazing, you really know how to explore, Mr Dora" you smile. "How long is your business work though?"

"Why is it? Don't you like it here?" He frowns

"No no, it's that you must be tired commuting back and forth, just making sure you don't get sick"

"Don't worry, besides, weren't you the one to be enthusiastic about a honeymoon" he looks up at the starry sky. An instant realization came to you

"Ooh.... I-damn you sneaky lil I should've known why would you ask me to accompany you all of a sudden" you squint at him "I'm not complaining though. You have quite an elite taste" you smile

"Then lets go get dinner and we'll chill on some champagne later" the idea sounds wonderful already. Seungcheol holds your hand, and your heartbeat accelerated at this gesture

"You don't mind...this do you?" He asks, eyes glistening with innocence as if he doesn't tease you every morning.

"No, Honey" you smile. Despite Seungcheol's occasional flirty tactics, you realized that he had eyes only for you.

The next hour after a delicious dinner, you were in shower, and decided to make him suffer twice the time he does, so you come out in slippers, and a piece of towel barely covering your body, just enough to enhance your curves. Your husband who was pouring champagnes, turns around, to his absolute shock, he was foaming, eye-fucking you. You instantly knew you hit the bullseye.

"Forgot my toner here" you smile innocently, and unintentionally fulfilling your fantasies. Whatever was hard, was definitely not because of the temperature. Soon you return in just an oversized shirt and some shorts, that has been your usual night-fit. He hands you your glass, looking a bit horny. There was silence. Quite a sexually tempting one. Lights were dim, the view was spectacular.

It's when he realized he's had enough and pulls you on top of him, your lingerie-less body hitting his hard chest

"God..Seungcheol what is-"

"I'm I hav- Oh god I don't know how to say this" he contemplates, as you see his soft lips between his teeth

"What the hell you're the one to pull me on you" you roll your eyes

"Sorry I'm I-"

"Never mind" you hold his face and attach your lips with his. To be frank, you've had tolerated enough and it's time you do sit on his face.

The synchronization of your lips moving with his, was very perfect for a first time. You kept on kissing and kissing, exploring every inch of his mouth until he pushes you for a catch of breath. You flutter your eyes open and smile, slowly transcending to a laugh

"God you're so...menacing" he speaks "about time you finally do what you said to your frien-" he stops knowing he said a little too much. You look at him in shock "does that mean you-"

"Sorry" he nervously says. You squint your eyes at him again, very suspiciously "how much did you listen"

"Everything" he confessed "it was unintentional, you were busy on the call and I came for something then I forgot common sense. Sorry" he apologizes. You knew the cat had been out of the box, you were unable to notice it. You sigh, after a quick contemplation

"Well, it's no secret anymore. Here I'll say it fir-" he puts a finger on your lip, switching positions, where he is on top of you now. It earned a small squeak from you, yet you felt your core getting a bit wet by how attractive that was. His leg rested between yours.

"Let me" he stares in your soul. You gulped, kind of getting wet by how his built is hovering on you.

"Y/N, I'm foolishly, in fucking love with you" the sudden profanity made you grin a little harder, all while he strokes a loose strand off your face "honestly. I can't believe it took me this long to express my..sheer love for you, y/n. Back then, i would've died without you but now I...would die for you. I can't imagine a world without you, so if you please let me be yours forever?"

"I hated every inch of air I shared with you then, and how we were just bonded without sharing a hello" you smile, cupping his face "I never imagined I'd find every moment with you, so profound. Every minute with you was magical, and it only concludes how destined we are for each other"

"I love you Seungcheol"

"I love you too..."

With that, he took the "action speak louder than words" a little too serious. His lips wrestle for dominance with yours, and the thigh that was calm, started stirring up a storm between your legs, as he continuously grinds on you. You pull onto the hem of his shirt, and he immediately does, while his hands explore your body inside your shirt. He slowly makes his way from your lips to your neck. Everything felt so ecstatic; it was your new high. You clenched onto the soft pillows for dear life, when Seungcheol slides himself into your oversized shirt, his lips between the valley of your perky breasts, craving his attention. He admires every inch of your perfectly created body.

"Stop...teasing" you moan. He feigned ignorance, continuing to play with your sensations. He pulls you up by your back, and swiftly removes the shirt and throws it on the floor. "There's no stopping me tonight y/n," is the last thing he says before pinching your nipples, and making the best use of his mouth on them. He enjoys hearing the profanities escape your lips, and how your voice changes upon pleasure.

You push him by his shoulders and get down on him, sliding the waistband of his shorts down to his knees, his dick springing high on your face. You gaze at his length before mindlessly taking every inch in your hands. "You..you..do..nt hhhave to ddoo t-ohhh" he groans. "You don't tell me what to do...."

"Such a brat" he smirks, letting you rule his excitement. He felt his high, once you slowly took him in your mouth, taking in as much as you could without gagging (yet) it's a matter of time he shifts from a thread of "oh ffuckk" "you're doing it so good" to "I'm gonna cum" and it's when you stop. You hastily take your shorts off and slowly grind on him. Seungcheol was panting manic. He was a mess. The entire room reeked of lust and his musky scent overshadowing, with his sweat. It proved how much of an authority you held on him

"Slide all the way up to my face beautiful I don't bite"

That's all you needed for your dripping core to slide on his nose, to his mouth. His tongue did wonders. You were sure you wouldn't last long considering this is your first oral ever, and sure you didn't, his tongue toyed with your nerves, and used every "shits" "fucks" "oh cheol" as his drive to go deeper in your cunt. "I'll cum I'm cumming I-" you release on his lips, and like a man, he devours it all.

"Delicious"

"You...you sound like cand..candy crush for god's sake" you breathily chuckle, and he follows, slowly getting up, to position himself on you.

"Then allow me to...'smash' " he presses a tender kiss on your forehead, before entering your core. You squeezed his hand, asking him to be gentle and burying your face in his neck, fingers in his back. It felt so...weird the first few minutes, but as he slowly moves, the funky feeling, the pain, it all vanishes. It's all when you realize you're actually getting laid. The sounds you've never considered you'd make, were too loud, way too unholy. Seungcheol was holding your leg, and was going slow till you adjust to him. His low groans and breathy moans turned you on even further, where you move your head to face him and slap his arm

"Giv...give me e...every..thing, husband. Take me all the way up" you breathe out. It's when he increases his pace, once he received your green signal. The slow slaps, were now louder and faster. Your bed was also giving up on concealing it's squeaks. He holds you in his arms, and continues thrusting in you.

Nothing else in the world mattered but the pressure you felt in between your legs and your delicious heat wrapping around him, engulfing him in until he bottomed out. His head falling into the crock of your neck, whispering sweet nothings against it while he started to fuck you slowly.

“Y-You feel so good, so w-warm.” Seungcheol kissed you, feverishly, swallowing your moans. His soft lips whimpering against yours. “I want to be inside you forever.” His hips moving against yours slowly, making sure you could feel all of him inside you. His hands never leave from your back and pushed you against him, chests heaving against one another’s. You arched your back, gripping the blankets underneath you. "Oh Seungcheo...god....cheol..." you breathe. He continued tinting your neck with his masterwork, and swiftly positions you on all fours. The joy you felt by the way he dominated you, and messed with your fucked out state, was bringing you heaven. You go low, arms stretching towards the headboard, while he grabs them, locking them behind your back, and even going hard.

There was no stopping him, all while the whole city from your foggy windows witness you making love witb your husband.

"Look at yourself, love" he turns your head to the mirror on the right "look at us..mmm..." he moans in your ear his hand snaking in between your bodies searching for the little bud of pleasure. You scream in pure ecstscy.

He turns you around, so swiftly, with his thumb hovering over it, the suspense had you withering, begging for him to touch you the only way he knew how. You whimpered feeling the ghost of his touch, your fingers tweaking at your nipple, sending a rush of pleasure through your body. "C..ch..chheoll..., mmm, I-I need to cum.” You pressed your chest into his back, turning your head all the way up, watching as his face contorted into pure bliss, his thrusts getting sloppier, his connected thumb with your clit and rubbing slow figure eight, constrasting the speed of his thrusts. You gasped raising your hips rocking against his hips and hand, feeling the sweet coil start to build up "im..fucking serious oh....my..."

"Release all on me, love" he demands amidst moans "Cum with me. Savour every drop of it" and it's all you needed to finally finish on him. He groaned finding your free hand and interlocking your fingers with his. You clenched around him. He was pumping as well, and you felt all warmth being filled inside you. Every thing about this was so surreal, so new, so perfect. You breathe as if you had run a marathon; a marathon of lust. Seungcheol hugs you, and stays inside you, caressing your head, showering you with compliments that you were brave and did well for your first time. The sense of encouragement brought tears to your eyes as you bury your face in his chest. He caressed your back with tender touches, and slowly lays you on your back, plopping down next to you.

"You're officially all mine" he kisses your shoulder. You hold his hand tightly, "you're mine as well, babe"

For the first time, you felt real comfort, real love, and an unimaginable intimate experience with your husband. And a shower too.

Seungcheol's heart hadn’t stopped palpitating since. His stomach erupted into butterflies whenever he had held you close throughout the immoral escapades the two of you had engaged in all night. He never wanted to let you go and now as he looked down into your glittering eyes with the heat of the golden sun rays hitting your sensitive bodies.

"Wake up husband"

"I think I want to sleep all day tonight" he shuffles closer to you.

"Oh who knew it would hard to wake my husband up from his slumber"

"Blaming on your irresistable charm" he squeezes your butt under covers.

"Owh! I'll need my own room again if you do th.." his hands cup your clothed core

"Hmmm...you were saying?"

"You.." you fail to form sentences once he starts rubbing your core, slow dense circles.

"Hands to yoursel..f or I'll bite" you whisper

"Oh, my damsel in distress" his voice is contagiously attractive;waste no time as he goes down on you undercovers.

═════════════════════

"We're really leaving Singapore as lovers" he chimes, an ear-to-ear grin fixed on, enhancing his dimples.

"Yeah if it weren't you to have the same traits as you family, you nosy lil witch" you exhale, standing in front of the fountains, almost nearing the airport

"I'm always nosy about everything" he smirks

"Honesty is not always the best policy Mr Choi"

He pulls you dangerously close "You have no idea, Mrs Choi"

"You need a haircut"

"All I'll ever need is...you" he holds onto you like a sloth on a branch, as you two harmonize in a melodious laugh.

It is you, he wants to tell everything to. He'll express his love for you, while he holds your hands in his.

And if there's eternal love, Seungcheol is that person for you.

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Thenkyoui for reading!! Stay bias wrecked by him <3

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seventeenreasonswhy · 5 months ago

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SVT Reacts to Watching Their S/O Please Themself 😈

18+ / NSFW / MDNI!

OT13!Seventeen x Fem!Reader

OT13 react to you asking them to watch you m*sturb*te. 🤭

Warnings/Content: smut, masturbation obvi, reader has a vagina, voyeurism, good ol' fashioned mutual coming.

Author's Note: Teehee, hot and bothered watching SVT watch reader watch them watching me watching them... anyway these wrote themselves! Lol.

S.Coups

This man is seated! He can’t wait to watch you writhe and play with yourself. He’s so enamored with your body. He can't help but slowly move closer and closer to you, wanting to see the way you touch yourself up close. “Faster, baby,” he would instruct you, talking you through your orgasm, unable to stop himself from getting more involved before too long.

Jeonghan

“Mmm, and what’s in it for me, exactly?” he’d tease you, but you know he's excited by the idea of watching you. He’d sprawl out, laying far back from you, creating quite a bit of distance to raise the tension. He likes when you perform like this, making him feel like the lone spectator of his very own private show. He’d start touching himself with you before long, and you two would cum without ever laying a finger on each other.

Joshua

Horny just at the thought of this! He’d request that you really go for it, holding nothing back. He likes when you're dirty like this. You'd come home to find that he'd bought you an expensive dress and expensive lingerie to wear so that you can slowly undress for him, too. Leave it to Joshua to make the experience even more colorful and exciting.

Jun

He would feel awkward about it at first, but then he’d get into it, slowly working himself along with you and watching your body move so easily and languidly. He loves the sounds of your soft moans while you touch yourself. He can't help but wonder if you think about him often when you do this. But he feels too shy to ask.

Hoshi

This man will watch you do anything! Haha it would be a challenge for him to keep his hands to himself, which you would have fun with commanding him to do—scolding him any time he slips up and touches you. Eventually he would just take charge, unable to stop himself. You were too sexy, and he wanted nothing more than to fuck your wet pussy with his fingers, feeling the tight way that you clench around him, every muscle in your abdomen flexing as you get closer and closer to coming.

Wonwoo

You thought you could cum just thinking of Wonwoo's eyes on you as you touched yourself. You didn't realize you'd be so nervous as he gazes at you unwaveringly, one hand up to his mouth, biting down on the nail of his thumb. “If you’re going to do it, then really do it,” he’d say to you in a low, but commanding voice, “show me how you make yourself feel good.” You go completely flush as you fuck yourself with your hand, your back arching up deliciously. You suddenly feel fingertips tracing a line on your skin, up your stomach then between your breasts, until Wonwoo captures your chin in his hand and guides your face up to his—giving you a slow, sensual kiss. You break apart eventually, but he's in your ear whispering, “Keep going.”

Woozi

This activity is a regular feature in your sex life with Jihoon. He loves when he can just sit back and lazily watch you put on a show for him! You feel so turned on when he’s paying such close attention to you, like there’s nothing more important than your pleasure. He gives a lot of verbal praise as he watches you, which is a little out of the ordinary for him. “Listen to you,” he’d say. You can't help but giggle at the way he's getting lost in the lewd sounds you make when you’re this wet for him.

The8

He’d love to watch you get started on yourself as he lays next to you, tracing his fingers all over your face and body. You two make serious eye contact as you shift on the bed, your back starting to arch as you rub your clit. He’d gently cup your cheek with his hand, “My beautiful girl,” he’d whisper, “being so naughty...” He’d tease you, helping you get even closer to your release by tracing your lower lip with his thumb, even asking you to suck on it.

Mingyu

He's too impatient for this, really, but he also loves to watch you get worked up! You’d tease him extra hard by repeatedly moaning out his name as you glide your fingers in and out of yourself, occasionally throwing him a torturous fucked-out expression, bringing your wet fingers up to your mouth and licking your own arousal off of them. He’d go insane and dive headfirst between your legs, not letting you rest for the rest of the night for being so mean.

Haha, our shy prince! He would be so turned on by you, your skin glistening as you glide your fingertips along your drenched pussy, bared so openly for him. Everything you do is sexy to him, but seeing you touch yourself just for him takes it to almost unbearable heights. He can't stop himself from helping you out with his tongue—lapping at your clit before long, sucking on you and kissing your cunt as you continued to finger yourself. You swear you can feel him murmur the words "thank you" as you come all over his face...

Seungkwan

Seungkwan both loves and hates a challenge. And the tone that you asked—more like demanded—that you start your time in the bedroom that evening having him watch you... He couldn't help feeling like you were testing him. So he decides to tease you right back, staring a hole through your skull as you work yourself into a tizzy right in front of him. He doesn't dare react and give you the satisfaction of making him fall apart... But his stubborn glare gets you even hornier.

Vernon

Vernon is pleasantly surprised when he comes out of the bathroom, fresh from a shower. A towel wrapped around his waist, he sees you already stretched out naked on the bed, one arm resting above your head while the other glides softly between your legs. A smirk spreads across his face, hair still dripping from the shower, as he watches you. You shift under his gaze, his direct look making you squirm even more. "Don't stop," he says, not taking his eyes off you until you cum.

Dino

He is stunned speechless when you suggest that you masturbate for him! He loves your body, and the idea of watching you sounds like heaven. But the idea of just watching you, and nothing else? Like, not being able to touch you? He wasn't sure if he could handle that. You see the gears turning, and smile to yourself. You slide your arms around his shoulders, nuzzling your nose into his worried expression. "You wouldn't have to keep your hands totally to yourself, you know..." you whisper in his ear, and he immediately perks up.

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sebongica · 1 year ago

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sebongica's reading recommendations 💌 (svt edition, pt 1 - hiphop unit)

this is PART ONE of my svt recommended fics. this post contains hiphop unit fics. you can access vocal unit's recos here and performance unit's recos here. don't forget to like and reblog the fics below to show some appreciation for the writers <3

💋 - smut ☁️ - fluff 🧃 - angst 🎧 - absolute fav

crossing boundaries - wonusite 💋☁️

bouquets for a friend (from a friend) - thepixelelf ☁️

gryffindor captain - http-mianhae ☁️🧃 (part of the amortentia series)

very nice - venerex ☁️

hello tutorial - 97-liners ☁️🧃🎧

livestream - pileofwords ☁️

what besties do - wonusite 💋

neighborly (ft. mingyu) - ncteez 💋🎧

what a bore (ft. chan) - hwanghyunjinenthusiast 💋

cupid - yoongiseesawmp3 💋☁️

caught with your pants down (ft. chan) - bitchlessdino 💋

good boys (ft. hoshi, dokyeom, chan) - beahae 💋🎧

fuck. marry, kill (ft. hoshi, chan) - bitchlessdino 💋

fuck, marry, kill: with the experienced (ft. wonwoo, mingyu) - bitchlessdino 💋

underlying pretense - lovelyhan (part 1 of the game over series) 💋🎧

catnaps - wheeboo ☁️

homie train (ft. hoshi, woozi) - bitchlessdino 💋☁️

meant to be yours - cheolhub 💋🧃

the peephole - rubyreduji 💋

homewrecked - ncteez 💋🧃

meet cute of the century - lovelyhan ☁️🧃💋

needy - cheolhub 💋☁️

two is better than one (ft. mingyu) - beahae 💋

25¢ magic - thepixelelf ☁️

shiny star - wonwoonlight ☁️ (part of the shiny star series)

getting closer (ft. mingyu) - milfgyuu 💋

fuck, marry, kill: with the experienced (ft. seungcheol, mingyu) - bitchlessdino 💋

eggs, bacon, and sausage sandwich (ft. mingyu) - bitchlessdino 💋

strawberry taste - multi-kpop-fanfics 💋☁️ (part of the love me tender...or maybe not series)

between heaven + hell (ft. mingyu) - beahae 💋

andante, andante - sluttywonwoo 💋☁️🎧

you vs. the universe - cheolism ☁️

glitch (ft. mingyu) - gamerwoo 🧃💋🎧

sharing is caring but i don't care - gamerwoo ☁️🎧

favorite - wonusite 💋🎧

a break (ft. mingyu) - smileysuh 💋🧃☁️🎧

class project (ft. mingyu) - smileysuh 💋🎧

anteric (ft. mingyu) - smileysuh 💋☁️🎧

besties (ft. mingyu) - smileysuh 💋🧃☁️🎧

for worse or for better - sluttywoozi ☁️🧃

"there's a cat in my kitchen. i don't own a cat." - 97-liners ☁️🎧

the alpha's right hand - smileysuh 💋🎧

kim mingyu's unhelpful guide to losing your virginity - shuaflix 💋

birthday boy - odxrilove ☁️🎧

caught in the middle (ft. wonwoo) - lovelyhan (part 3 of the game over series) 💋☁️

with mingyu - wonlouvre ☁️🎧

first date - cheolhub 💋

just the tip? - cheolhub 💋

two is better than one (ft. wonwoo) - beahae 💋

sweet night - wooahaes 🧃

getting closer (ft. wonwoo) - milfgyuu 💋

my daisy - wonwoonlight ☁️

fuck, marry, kill: with the experienced (ft. seungcheol, wonwoo) - bitchlessdino 💋

eggs, bacon, and sausage sandwich (ft. wonwoo) - bitchlessdino 💋

between heaven + hell (ft. wonwoo) - beahae 💋

the only exception - wonusite ☁️💋

glitch (ft. wonwoo) - gamerwoo 🧃💋🎧

new rules - leejihoonownsmyheart ☁️🧃💋🎧

let me - sluttywoozi ☁️🎧

a break (ft. wonwoo) - smileysuh 💋🧃☁️🎧

class project (ft. wonwoo) - smileysuh 💋🎧

anteric (ft. wonwoo) - smileysuh 💋☁️🎧

besties (ft. wonwoo) - smileysuh 💋🧃☁️🎧

addicted - wonusite 💋🧃☁️🎧 (part 3 of the spoiled series)

it's all fun and games - dontflailmenow 💋

on love, friendship, and jane austen - suhnshinehaos ☁️🧃

vernon and chan's solution to love triangles (ft. chan) - bitchlessdino 💋 (part of the party chronicles series)

sure - beahae ☁️🧃

too close (i might just burn you whole) - sluttywonwoo 💋

you get me so high - cheolhub 💋

shiny star - wonwoonlight ☁️🎧 (part of the shiny star series)

risk it all - sluttywoozi 💋🎧

not a virgin - ncteez 💋☁️🎧

operation: hot girl summer - shuaflix 💋☁️

work husband - wondernus ☁️

#veronica reads #seventeen fic #seventeen fluff #seventeen smut #seventeen x reader #svt fic #svt fics #seungcheol fluff #seungcheol smut #seungcheol x reader #wonwoo smut #wonwoo fluff #wonwoo x reader #mingyu fluff #mingyu x reader #mingyu smut #vernon x reader #vernon fluff #vernon smut

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maximura · 1 month ago

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#from his IG #if you read Maybe Monster.....this is the seungcheol #longer hair though #choi seungcheol #seungcheol #svt #seventeen #svt scoups #s coups #the details on that suit are crazy #he honestly radiates so much power

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lemoncherrypop · 18 days ago

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To Build A Home

seventeen x harry potter au

deatheater!seungcheol x gryffindorprincess!reader

summary: The war has finally come and your entire world falls into ruin. After a surprise attack from the Death Eaters, you barely escape with your life and find refuge in a faraway safe house. Everything would have been fine, all things considered, except for the fact that you had fallen right into the snake’s pit.

notes: finally! a delicious backstory for our two main characters. let's get FUCKED UP, shall we? length: 8.7k

Series Masterlist

One l Two l Three | Four | Five | Six l coming soon...

Chapter Six

Year One

The first thing you noticed was his crooked smile.

Then his messy, unkempt bangs falling over his heavy-lidded eyes and the long lashes that almost brushed his cheeks everytime he blinked. Then came the almost cruel twinkle in his eyes as he shouldered a freckled boy aside to push his way to the front.

He swung his arms around two other boys— a quiet-looking one with circular glasses and another with a chipped, toothy grin— laughing uproariously at some joke you couldn’t hear over the nervous chatter of the other students around you. You clenched the sleeves of your brand new cloak into fists, feeling just as nervous as the rest.

Two months ago, you didn't even know magic existed— until an owl flew in through your open kitchen window, dropped a thick letter in the middle of your family breakfast. Before anyone could even scream in surprise, the doorbell rang. Your father, wide-eyed and frightened, slowly walked to the door. After a short, muffled conversation, he returned with a woman in a long emerald green dress, a black cloak and a dramatically pointed hat. She took the empty chair next to you, and in a calm, polite voice, explained everything.

She seemed to know about every unexplainable incident that has happened to your life: how the bullies at school tripped into puddles that strangely appeared out of nowhere, how your hair grew to your desired length whenever your mother cut it too short, and how, whenever your parents steered you away from the candy aisle at the grocery store, a handful of your favourite toffees mysteriously appeared in your right pocket.

“There’s magic in you,” she said warmly, placing her soft hands on yours. “At Hogwarts, we will teach you everything about magic and how to use it. You’re a witch, little one.”

You couldn't fully understand it then, even if you wanted to, but it thrilled you nonetheless. It was like your favourite fantasy book had come to life. At eleven years old, the world was full of wonders, and fear didn’t yet exist in your mind. From shopping in Diagon Alley to running through the bricked wall at Platform 9 ¾ , to unwrapping your first chocolate frog on the Hogwarts Express, you were brimming with excitement.

It all felt like a dream.

But then, the double doors swung open, and reality struck. The Great Hall, as the headmistress called it, was simply breathtaking. Four identical long tables overflowed with glistening food. Towering windows lined the room, and the ceiling reflected the jaw-dropping beauty of the night sky, shimmering with the starry constellations that were illuminated alongside countless dripping wax candles.

Now, it all felt real.

The noise around you faded, leaving only the sound of your heartbeat. Every first-year student was herded down the centre, made to stand before the Sorting Hat. The boy with the crooked smile stood beside you, and your heart raced even faster. His hand brushed yours as he looked down at you with curiosity, forcing you to tilt your head up to meet his gaze. Just as he was about to say something, the Headmistress called your name.

Swallowing nervously, you looked at the hat, then glanced back at him.

“Good luck,” he whispered, his crooked smile somehow making your heart skip a beat.

It didn’t take much for the Sorting Hat to place you into your new home. Instantly shouting “Gryffindor!” with such a conviction that pride bloomed in your chest. Grinning, you nearly tripped as you ran over to your new family, who welcomed you with open arms.

A dozen students later, his name was called. You watched as he confidently strode up the steps, secretly hoping he'd join your house. But as soon as the hat touched his head, it declared, “Slytherin!” and his crooked smile stretched into a look of complete satisfaction.

It didn’t take long to figure out what kind of person he was: loudmouthed, arrogant and spoiled.

Your first class together was Potions, and you clenched your fists as he bragged about his family’s legacy— his father, who held a high position in the Ministry (whatever that was), was presumably best friends with anyone of any importance. That was apparently the only credentials he needed to boast about being the best in his house, nay— the whole year.

You wanted to swipe that smug smile off his face, so you made a bet: whoever brewed the best potion would win, and the loser would have to lick the dungeon floor after class.

For the first time in your life, you tasted defeat, and lost, monumentally, and unfortunately, the boy with the crooked smile had won, magnificently so.

The taste of it was bitter and gritty on your tongue, but you swallowed it down with dumb pride.

That night, you spent your first of many nights, in the infirmary. Licking up the crusty remnants of decades-old potions in the dungeon probably wasn’t your brightest idea.

Class after class, month after month, the rivalry intensified, fights broke out, detentions were made, and bets were gambled amongst classmates. He had an ego that you were determined to quash, while your unbreakable pride was a challenge he seemed set on ruining.

There was an unspoken, mutually understood plan for destruction— and this was just the beginning.

Year Two

One day, after a particularly satisfying victory over escaping a bludger in Flying Class, you jokingly called yourself the Queen of Gryffindor, seeing as how you managed to get your house the most points in your class the year before. It was only a matter of time, you figured— everyone could see just how valuable you were to the best house at Hogwarts.

Sneering from the loser’s side, the boy with his crooked grimace slammed his textbook shut. It was unfortunate that he overheard your joke, because at that moment, he thought it was more appropriate to call you the “Princess of Gryffindor” instead— someone naive, weak, spoiled, and disgustingly adored by everyone around her.

Somehow, the nickname stuck. That was the kind of influence he had, and the most you resisted, the harder he clung to your new “title”. Soon, even the older students from other houses were calling you “Princess” without bothering to learn your real name.

But despite the teasing and the jokes, you had no trouble making friends. Friendly and bubbly, you were always ready to help out a classmate or sneak off to the kitchens with friends for a snack. Within the first week back, you had made a new friend in Charms class, and he came with the face of an angel. Jeonghan was wicked good at the levitating charm, and when you caught him using the charm to swap his worn dragon-hide gloves for newer ones in Herbology, you knew you had to be friends.

With a flick of his long hair behind his ears, he placed his hand on yours to help you practise the charm during lunch in the Great Hall. All around you, students were busy scribbling homework into their scrolls and practising spells, cheeks stuffed with food.

“Hold it steady,” he said, “It’s LeviOsa, not LeviosA.”

When the half eaten scone successfully floated from your plate to his, you reached over and clapped your hands with his in victory. Just as you were about to float a glass of pumpkin ale into your hands, the boy with his crooked smile sauntered over and plopped down right next to your new friend.

As friendly and helpful as you were, this boy was charming. Even as a bully, he somehow managed to win others over with his words and his smile. He knew exactly what to say in order to get the things he wanted, and despite being notorious for his antics even as a second year, people loved him. And your new friend, like everyone else, fell for his wicked smile, and not even a week later, they practically became attached at the hip despite him not even being in Slytherin.

It was clear he’d come over to ruin something you enjoyed—whether it was spellwork, class, or even friendships, he delighted in getting in your way. And although he usually didn’t take it too seriously, somehow, his friendship with Jeonghan stuck. It stung. Jeonghan was supposed to be your friend, yet here he was, swept away by the boy with the crooked smile, like so many other things he wanted from your life.

A month later, you challenged him to a duel after Potions class. Quick on your feet and fast with your temper, the boy lost, embarrassingly, and this had marked your historic first win in duelling.

During breakfast the next morning, still bitter from his loss, he saw you talking to Seokmin, another muggle-born like you. Fuelled by resentment from his loss the night before, he thought it was only fair to bully the pair of you together.

“Filthy Mudblood,” he called you.

A word you were completely unfamiliar with. It wasn’t until an older housemate had intervened and threatened to call a professor on him that you realised the gravity of the word.

There was a stubbornness in how he wanted to stand his ground, but the Headmaster was slowly making his way down the aisle to his seat at the Professor’s table, and the fear of being caught made him slink back to his table. Right them, you swore to defeat him in every way imaginable. Be it in class, in pride, or reputation.

And so, the childish pranks began at this time.

“Wingadium leviosa.”

A discreet flick of your wand, and a vial of Hair-Raising Potion slipped into his soup. Watching every hair on his body, from even his brows to his lashes, stand on end was almost too delightful. He looked as if he got electrocuted, the shock in his eyes even adding to the charm of the potion.

He knew it was you. Even with your laughter getting lost in the bustle of the Great Hall, he knew because it would only ever be you.

This catapulted your feud in full force. The pranks were constant, riotous, and sometimes downright diabolical.

He retaliated by dropping a dungbomb on your head before Quidditch practice, forcing you to leave a trail of stink in your wake. In turn, you hit him with a Tickling Charm during History of Magic, making him laugh so hysterically he had to spend two weeks mopping the floor as punishment. He mixed up a rather potent batch of Swelling Solution into your lotion, causing your entire face to balloon, and you got back at him by slipping a few Hiccough Sweets into a Nose-Biting Teacup, so that once he sipped his tea, his nose was attacked by sharp ceramic as he hiccuped uncontrollably.

But even these pranks weren’t enough. Both young, proud, fiery and dumb, you fought each other in duels as often as you could get away with. Things escalated until the Herbology professor finally had to inform the Headmaster, resulting in a strict duelling ban.

Yet stubbornness and insolent behaviour fueled the two of you to sneak out after bedtime hours for secret duels, and the caretaker had caught you both wand-handed.

The rest of the school year was spent in detention, making sandwiches alongside the house elves in the kitchen.

Year Three

Your dorm mate had somehow fallen for the boy with the crooked smile’s evil deception.

“I’m in love!” she declared, spreading her arms wide before falling onto her four-poster bed. You stuck a finger down your throat and pretended to gag. The thought of anyone finding him attractive seemed only possible through the use of Amortencia.

Yet, not even a week later, you were on your way to the library when you saw him leaning in, eyes closed and lips puckered, toward the very same girl— the one who’d vow to marry him after Hogwarts. Your stomach soured at the sight, and a flash of anger went through you that he was showing anyone else but you his attention.

This feeling didn’t make any sense to you. So, you decided to hex him.

“Locomotor Mortis.”

All four of his limbs snapped together, pressing against his body as he stiffened and toppled forward—straight into your dorm mate’s chest. She shrieked in embarrassment, shoving him off before fleeing, leaving him rigid and crooked-smiled as he fell onto the cold, marble floor.

Howls of laughter rang from a large tapestry just paces away, and the heads of Mingyu and Minghao were peeking out from the embroidered drapery of Hogwarts’ very first Potions professor. Undoubtedly, the pair of them hid in the back to watch and see how their friend’s first kiss would go. Calm and steady, Wonwoo approached, kneeling to work the counterspell.

“You should have listened to Jeonghan,” he murmured, “He told you to go somewhere more private.”

As the spell melted off his body, he slowly got back up onto his feet, his face the colour of an unforgivable scarlet. Not even two steps towards you (because somehow, he always knew where you were), Minghao hooked his arm around his neck and held him back.

He unleashed a spiel of curses as Mingyu joined in with Minghao,wiping away tears from laughter. “You better run, Princess!” he shouted at you, wrapping his lanky arm around his shoulders and holding him back as well. “We’re only helping you this one time for giving us such a good laugh!”

For a moment, you locked eyes with him. You’ve never seen such humiliation in his eyes before, and a sinking feeling in your chest told you that you didn’t enjoy it.

“Why aren’t you running?” Mingyu questioned, still laughing. “Or have you got another trick up your sleeve?”

Minghao leans down to whisper something into the boy’s ear and he rips his gaze away from you, burning even brighter still.

“He would have done the same,” you stubbornly say, trying to mask a strange nervousness. “Worse even, probably.”

His gaze found yours again with a ferocity that burned so heavily, it was only ever made for you.

So you run. The laughter of the other boys still ringing down the corridor as your heart began to beat erratically in your chest. He was your enemy, and you were his, and that was all you ever knew of each other. Yet, in that instant, you couldn’t shake the thought: what if things had been different? What if, on that very first day at Hogwarts, he’d walked beside you towards the Sorting Hat, leaning in just a little closer?

Running up moving staircases and through endless doors, and past old classrooms and abandoned bathrooms, you wondered what it would have been like if he had closed his eyes and leaned toward you instead.

Your heart continued to beat wildly in your chest, even as you crawled under your covers and tried to shut the sight of his wrathful eyes away from your mind. You were a Gryffindor and he was a Slytherin, and being natural enemies, this feud between the two of you was just how the world was supposed to work. He had no interest in you, he made it more than clear when he called you a Mudblood for the first time. You needed to feel the same about him.

So you pushed those inane thoughts away, the thoughts of him leaning in close, his breath mingling with yours, and the look in his eyes softened with anything other than hate. You pushed them down to the deepest parts of your soul, and locked them away. You knew better than letting them see the light.

The rest of the year was relentless. You hexed and pranked him viciously, hoping he’d rack up enough detentions or lose enough points to sabotage Slytherin’s standing, but he came at you with a different, crueler kind of fury.

He sabotaged any boy who tried to get close to you. How he always seemed to know who was interested in you, you’d never understand. But each time, you’d find out the hard way. You would peel back your bed sheets to the sight of shredded flower petals, ripped up letters of confessions, or shards of broken glasses of your favourite fizzy drinks. His “gifts” were a painful reminder of what you had cost him.

It became harder for you to make friends after this. Nights in the dining hall grew more lonely. You had lost your friendship with Jeonghan, Vernon averted his gaze in class, Seungkwan stopped sneaking into the kitchens with you, and Soonyoung once fled at the sight of you approaching in the hallway.

There was only one person who would wish such unhappiness upon you— and it was all because you’d ruined his first kiss.

How you would ever get back at him for this, you did not know.

You weren’t ever sure if you wanted to.

Year Four

It was a miserably cold and wet day, and Gryffindor had lost against Hufflepuff in the first match of the Quidditch season. Seokmin found you sulking just outside the Quidditch changing room and pulled you back inside the empty tent to apologise.

“Apologise for what?” You frowned, the frustration of losing clearly bringing tears to the edge of your eyes. “You guys won fair and square.”

“Doesn’t make me feel any less bad,” he replied, guilt written all over his face. “You played so well today too! You could have won if—”

“Except we didn’t,” you interrupted. “We lost. Everyone was witness to it.”

“They also saw how brilliantly you dove to get the quaffle after it dropped. It was like you disappeared in front of me and reappeared within a blink of an eye.”

Blinking back the tears, you try not to let his compliment overwhelm you. “Thanks,” you muttered.

“We got a rematch in a couple months,” he offered with a hopeful smile. “Hope it’ll be another great game.”

A deep sigh came out of you, trying to blow the disappointment out of your mind in one big breath. “We’ll just kick your ass next time,” you replied, forcing a smile.

Seokmin grinned back, his smile so bright it seemed to light up the tent.

You were about to head back out when he gently caught your arm.

“Actually, I came back here because… well…” Seokmin’s face had suddenly changed into a bashfulness you’ve never seen on him. “I wanted to tell you s-something,” he stammered, the tips of ears looking bright red.

Looking up at him curiously, you nodded. “Yeah?”

“I— I just wanted to tell you… that I— “

You chuckled at how flustered he got all of a sudden. “Well? Out with it.”

“I like you,” he confesses. “I like you, please, go out with me.”

It was shocking just how quickly your face matched the colour of his.

And then he kissed you.

And you kissed him back.

And he was your first kiss.

And you were his.

And it felt so right.

Seokmin was always so sweet to you.

There were always whispers amongst the upperclassmen, saying that the fourth year at Hogwarts will be the first real year for students. You never understood it until now, because now, you finally had a boyfriend. Walking hand in hand with Seokmin down the hallways felt like someone had pulled back a curtain, revealing a new world of couples sneaking off into alcoves, whispering sweet nothings, or snogging openly against the windows.

Then, down the hall, you saw him— the boy with his hair as tousled as ever, his grin as maddeningly crooked. Leaning casually against a closed door, he whispered something to Ravenclaw’s Seeker, who giggled, her long black hair swaying as she tilted her head to meet his gaze. He pressed her body close against his and your steps quickened, unwilling to witness what was undeniably about to happen. At the sound of your footsteps, he glanced up and saw it was you. He grinned wickedly before leaning in and pressing his lips to the Seeker’s neck.

Without thinking, you tighten your grip on Seokmin’s hand, pulling him behind a giant tapestry of two snakes battling a boar. Before he could ask what was happening, you pulled him down for a kiss. Hastily, Seokmin wrapped his arms around you without hesitation; his love for you was clear in every touch.

This was the year of the Winter Ball, and you were finally at the age to join the school’s most spectacular event of the year.

Countless hours were spent on getting ready for this grandiose party. Pieces of the finest cloth you could afford were pulled together into drapes that would flatter your body. Multicorfor being cast every ten minutes to change your gown to the most magnificent shade of ruby-red, so it looked like you were walking through flames itself. You twisted and twirled your hair until it cascaded down your open back, and the rouge on your lips and cheeks was done just enough to make you glow.

There was a sparkle in your eyes, and you couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear as you descended the stairways to meet your partner.

But there, at the bottom of the stairs, stood the boy with the crooked smile. In the finest of silks and velvet, he was dressed in obsidian black, matching his glowering eyes.

Almost like he was anticipating you, your footsteps gave you away again, and he snapped his head up, truly looking at you for the first time since that night you ruined his first kiss. You don’t miss the way his eyes look at you, wandering down to your dress and then back up at your eyes. They contort into something completely unreadable, and when his crooked smile vanishes, his eyes seem to hold a hatred you’ve never seen in him before.

It almost seemed like he was angry with himself.

“What a pity,” you said flatly, tilting your head as you reached up to pluck a petal from the rose on his lapel.

“I don’t need your fucking pity,” he seethed through his teeth.

“You tried to scare everyone away from me,” you whispered so no one else could hear. “But it didn’t work.”

He blinked, and then his grin returned, sadistic and crooked. “There’s still time, Princess.”

A shiver ran down your spine, and you walked past him and into the Great Hall with just your silence as response.

With his shiny eyes and impeccably ironed plum coloured suit, Seokmin stood at the entrance, waiting for you. He pinned a red rose into the curls of your hair, and when you were smiling again, he took your hand and the small of your back, and danced in joyful circles around the open floor. His practised steps made you spin and twirl with ease, his whispered confessions melting into your skin.

The night wore on, the candlelights dimmed and the music softened into gentler streams of violin. Seokmin held you close, his lips brushing your cheek as he whispered softly about how much he adored you. His faze flickered down to your lips before returning to your eyes— his telltale sign before a kiss, and you closed your eyes. Gentle as ever, that was always in his nature.

It didn’t take long for the fire to overcome you both. It greedily licked up the delicate layers of your dress, and as you spun around in fright, it caught onto Seokmin’s plum coloured robes and the both of you were set aflame.

“Aguamenti!”

Seokmin had quickly doused the fire, but left both of you drenched. Your beautiful curls wet against your cheeks, the flower in your hair crushed under your own heels, and your beautiful dress, left to almost nothing but burnt tatters. That was how quickly the fire had spread. Seokmin stood there, gasping to catch his own breath, still in shock of his own.

There’s a bark of laughter, and you look up to see the boy with his damned crooked smile. The mocking cackle wasn’t even coming from him, but Mingyu and Minghao who stood on either side, trying their hardest not to draw attention to the violation he’s committed against you.

His grin is wicked as ever, but there is no laughter in his eyes when he stares you down. His wand is hastily shoved into the pockets of his robes, and you can see Wonwoo pulling him back with urgency. His burning gaze never leaves yours as he’s pulled back into the growing crowd, unflinching as tears start blooming in your eyes.

This had cost the two of you dearly. Jean was witness to him setting your dress on fire, and told on the Headmaster, which resulted in his most severe punishment yet. Ruining what was meant to be your most magical night at Hogwarts had cost him three straight months of detention, but it wasn’t enough. Not for you. His act of cruelty on you had cost you Seokmin.

Seokmin ended it with you after that night. Not out of fear, but because he knew being with you would only bring more acts of wickedness. It broke your heart, but you knew he was right. Truth be told, the relationship lasted far longer than you thought possible. You reached up on the tips of your toes to give him one final kiss.

And then it was back. The rageful fire that burned between you and the boy with the crooked smile roared back to life. You watched him reject girls, just as you did with boys. He risked further detentions by tampering with your schoolwork and disrupting your Quidditch practices. You spiked his food with Puking Potions and set his prized books ablaze, a reminder of what he’d done to you.

You knew the year would end as it always did, with both of you serving detention.

This school would never be a safe space for you. Not as long as he was there with you.

Year Five

Oddly, to everyone’s dismay, the energy has shifted this year. The dreaded year of the OWLs has finally arrived.

From the very beginning, there was a mad rush to the libraries to get a head start on classwork and studies. Even you and your worst enemy couldn’t deny the importance of these exams. Countless nights were spent on the opposite ends of the long tables in the library. Heads both buried deeply into every book you could grab, quills were being used up left and right, scrawling away furiously into your scrolls.

There was no time for tomfoolery, and yet, you and the boy with the crooked smile— to the surprise of absolutely no one—still managed to find time to wreck absolute havoc.

He was always top of the class in Potions. Five years into Hogwarts, and this much you could admit out loud, even if it was begrudgingly so. However, no one could deny that you were the best in Charms.

During the History of Magic exam, you shot a finger-removing jinx at him multiple times in rapid succession. Minutes in, he was scrambling to pick up his quill with just his two nubs for hands, having lost all ten fingers. He tried to make a scene, but luckily for you, your ghostly Professor stayed soundly asleep, and all your other classmates— tired of your endless rivalry—just shushed him so they could concentrate on their own exam.

It took at least half an hour before his fingers finally grew back, and he managed to write about six inches of essay in his largest handwriting ever before the hourglass ran out.

He got back at you during Potions, like the fucking devil he was, and ruined you more than you could have ever imagined in your worst subject. Your face erupted into an absolute chaos of cystic acne, and the boy’s crooked smile spread so wide at the success of his furnunculus charm. Absolutely livid, your cheeks flushed hotly with a rush of rage until the freshly sprouted boiled burst, splattering messily into your Befuddlement Draught.

Your cauldron bubbled tenfold, spilling and gurgling into your classmate’s cauldrons, and caused a chain reaction of ruined potions. Befuddlement had run amok that day, and clearly from the Professor’s disappointment, it was not from the intended use of the required potion.

You fought back during the Herbology exam. You’d read about a fun new jinx while studying for the OWLs, and who better to test it on than on your worst enemy?

The students were tasked with taming Chinese Chomping Cabbages, Screech Snaps and Fanged Geraniums, and the entire greenhouse was filled with wails from both plants and students alike. He was wrestling a particularly feisty Fanged Geranium when you discreetly snapped your wand in his direction. Bunches of leeks sprouted from his ears, effectively pushing off the precious earmuffs that were crucial for today’s exams, and he clapped his hands over them in pure shock and screamed.

You swallowed down your laughter the best you could, and watched as he ran towards the Professor for help, crying treason as he pointed his wicked finger directly towards you. You mocked surprise as you continued to handle a pair of Chomping Cabbages on your table.

The two of you have always tried your best to not involve anyone else outside of your rivalry, but this year was different. With the relentless onslaught of petty hexes and pranks against each other being performed specifically during the exams, it was impossible to not get your other classmates involved.

Chan was so distracted by the loss of his ten fingers, he wrote the wrong dates down for all four historic battles during the Great Goblin War. Jeonghan’s potion was one of many that also got ruined by the explosion of boils on your face, an incident that he thoroughly berated the both of you for. Vernon and Seungkwan are both certain that they will receive a Dreadful in Herbology because the sudden disturbance of leeks had made them drop their Screech Saps, accidentally crushing them under the soles of their boots.

In the end, both of you lost your houses one hundred and fifty points, and earned a full month in detention.

Knees pebbled with grime and broken bits of stone and wood, you spent hours every night, sweeping away decades long cobwebs and wiping at the grimey corners of every unused room in the castle. And there, right by your side, was him.

Every year that you have spent at Hogwarts, and all those long weeks and months you’ve had detention for, was thankfully on your own. But for some cruel reason, the Headmaster thought it was only fitting that you shared detention this year with him. You believed that he thought the forced proximity between you two will someday create a more cordial relationship.

If only he knew better.

At first, the boy whined and complained the whole time, and you with your impatience and rage, threw buckets full of muddy soapy waters and brooms against the wall in defiance, trying your best to ignore him. If he made one wrong move, said one wrong word, you would have pulled on his hair and collar, and bitten his face clean off.

But the other professors very quickly had threatened for your punishment to go past the school year and into the summer months if anything else went wrong, so the two of you stayed silent. He stopped his grumbling and got to work, and you did your best to scrub, mop, and clean.

Then, on your last week at Hogwarts, he spoke.

“I shouldn’t be in here,” he ground out. “Not with you of all people.”

Rolling your eyes, you don’t even entertain him by responding.

“This is all so beneath me,” he continues, aggravation clear in his tone. “I’d be better off making sandwiches in the kitchen with the elves.”

Still, you stay silent.

And so does he, for only a moment. All you could hear was the angry scrubbing of a decades old mop against the stained marble floor that you knew would never get cleaned.

Then, he breaks open the window out of frustration, throwing the mop onto the floor, and stands there, unmoving.

“If only you hadn’t— if you had just—” he breaks off, unable to finish his sentence. You stop what you're doing now, brows furrowed with annoyance when you sit up from your knees to look at him. He is gazing out the open window, the cool night air swirling in and blowing his hair back, the stars already twinkling out in the night sky.

“If only I hadn’t what?”

His gaze turns towards you. He blinks slowly, his expression vacant. The silence hangs thick between you, only the cool breeze whispering through the cracked window as the castle settles into its nightly stillness. For a moment, you wonder if he’s going to say anything at all. He tears his eyes from you and back out the window. Then, in a voice so soft that it almost seems lost in the wind, he mutters, “If only it had never been you.”

Unsure whether to be offended or intrigued. “Been me?” you repeat, your voice edged with disbelief. “What is that supposed to mean?”

He grips the edge of the window tightly, the white of his knuckles showing. “If you hadn’t been so… stubborn. So fucking infuriating. Maybe… we never would have gotten to this point.”

You let out a dry laugh. “So it’s my fault we’re both scrubbing the floor at midnight? And here I thought it was because you couldn’t keep yourself from casting boils on my face.”

A ghost of a smirk tugging at his lips. “Maybe,” he says, his voice low and soft. “But you never made it easy for me, did you?”

The question catches you off guard, and in that moment, you recall the years you’ve spent at Hogwarts — the bitter rivalry, the countless hexes and jinxes, the sleepless nights in stubborn competition, and the complete and utter disdain you held for each other. But now, all you can see is the quiet vulnerability that peeks through in his gaze, the lingering traces of something almost… uncertain. You clench your jaws, wanting to break through the strange haze that’s settled over the room, but no words come out.

He stares, expecting you to retort back at him, like you always do. But all you can do is stare back, lips still sealed.

“Forget it,” he murmurs, breaking the silence and picks up his mop.

You swallow down whatever strange feeling has started to well up and return to scrubbing the floor, willing the silence back into the room. But it doesn’t last long. You can feel his glare turn back on you, and before you know it, he’s muttering under his breath again.

“Maybe,” he says, voice low and cold, “maybe if you didn’t act like you were better than everyone else, we wouldn’t be in his mess every damn year.”

You snap up, tightening your grip on the dirty rag. “Better than everyone?” You echoed disbelievingly. “This is coming out of your mouth?”

He scoffs, giving you a scathing look. “You’ve been going around and acting like you belong with the rest of us. It’s pathetic.”

The word hits you like a slap. The muscle in your jaw ticks, but you force yourself to stay composed. “Is that why you hate me? Because I’m a fucking Mudblood that beats you in duels and charms, and you can’t stand the sight of someone so beneath you winning?”

A dark flush creeps up his neck. “Don’t flatter yourself. Like you’d hold that much importance in my life.” his voice drips with disdain, and for a split second, you can see something flicker in his eyes— a bitterness that goes deeper than the usual rivalry.

Laughter bubbles out despite the tension. “Then why do you keep going out of your way to make my life miserable? Why do you spend all your time finding ways to get under my skin rather than studying for your own exams?”

His face twists, frustration beginning to boil over. “Because you make me—” He stops himself, words hanging in the air, heavy and unfinished. His fists clench, and he looks away, the veins in his neck pulsating. “Forget it.”

But you’re done with his unfinished sentences now. Your patience has worn out. “No, go on,” you say, standing up to face him. “Tell me. Tell me why you hate me so much.”

He glares at you, and before you can blink, he’s stepping forward, practically nose-to-nose with you. “You really want to know?” He snarls. You could smell the sage and rosewood from his collar.

“I do.” You cracked a smile. “Maybe then we could finally end our fighting.”

“Fine,” he snarls, “because every time I see you, every damn time I even think about you, it’s like I’m being reminded of every single thing I can’t stand about myself.”

You take in a sharp breath. “What the hell are you talking about?”

He laughs, a harsh, bitter sound. “You don’t get it, you never will.” His lips are curled, the smell of his cologne getting stronger. “You’re so repulsively stubborn, so fucking persistent, always fighting for something. It’s like—” His hands are shaking at his sides. “You don’t know when to quit, the worst of all these fucking Gryffindors, and every time you don’t, it just… it reminds me that I’m the same and— you make me feel so fucking insane, that I could ever possibly be someone like you—”

The words cut off abruptly, and in that silence, something shifts. Neither of you know what to do with it.

Then, before you can stop yourself, you reach out and grab his collar, pulling him close until the fabric is bunched up in your fists. “Maybe,” you hissed. “Maybe if you stopped blaming me for your problems, you could actually get somewhere in life, instead of living in your family’s shadows.”

Shock flickers across his face before he, too, grabs hold of your collar, pulling you in even tighter. “Let go,” he says, his voice laced with warning. But neither of you releases, fingers digging into the fabric and skin, pushing and pulling, each trying to prove a point you can’t put into words.

“You’re fucking unbelievable,” you spit out, the words trembling with frustration.

He growls, his hand slipping up to the back of your neck, fingers coiling up in your hair. He pulls sharply, enough to make you yelp, and you retaliate, your own hand quickly reaching up to do the same, fingers threading into his hair, tugging hard.

Before you know it, your foot catches on the leg of an old chair, and you’re stumbling backwards. When the chair topples with a loud crash, he steps, catching on the bottom of your robe, and loses his balance. You are roughly pulled down with him, limbs tangling up in each other. The two of you hit the floor hard, the impact jarring as you crash into a worn desk. A pile of ancient scrolls are flying, dusty potion bottles are rolling off and breaking, and the crack of wood echoes as the desk splinters beneath your combined weight.

Still, neither of you loosen your hold. Your bare knees scrape against the rough stone, and you can feel the skin breaking. Pinned awkwardly on the ground, he twists to the side, his shoulder slamming into yours and you go tumbling over one another, rolling on the shattered glass that shimmer in the moonlight. There is a thin line of blood bleeding on his brow, and you can feel a warm, wet sting along your own cheekbone. You’re both gasping now, faces inches apart, skin scraped and already swelling.

“Just let go,” he says again, his voice still low with a tremor you don’t recognize. You stay where you are, arms and legs locked uncomfortably, face tilted up and eyes fixed on him.

“No,” you grit back, refusing to move. “Not until you do.”

The tension is like a live wire, sparking and searing in the air between you as you glare at each other, chests heaving, bruised and wounded from your clumsy fall. He searches for something in your eyes, a sort of desperation that you don’t want to answer.

Then, slowly, he lets go. Fingers loosening, his hand slides away from your hair, leaving it dishevelled. You both sit up, still breathing heavily, staring at each other in the dim light.

“You are my fucking nightmare, Princess,” he finally says, voice hoarse. It’s a broken sound, like a confession he never wanted to say out loud.

You laugh, soulless and heartless. Your skirt is bunched up to your thighs as you shift your legs, robes falling off your shoulders as you turn towards him.

You stab a finger to his chest. “And you,” you seethe, pressing hard against him. “You are the bane of my existence. Everything— everything that is wrong in my life is caused by you.”

He doesn’t flinch. Instead, he reaches up, wrapping his fingers around yours, holding you firmly to his chest, right over his heart. His pulse is heavy under your touch, and his eyes don’t leave yours, his gaze almost daring you to pull away.

“Everything I ever did to you,” he says slowly, his voice almost a whisper, “was to make you feel as miserable as I did.”

His face is so close to yours, close enough that you can see the faint bruises blooming on his cheeks. Close enough to see the small scratch just below his brow trickle blood. Close enough for his hair to brush your forehead as it falls into his eyes.

For the first time that night, you don’t question him. You didn’t want to know what made him want to fight you, make you cry, or lose your friends. You didn’t want to know what made him so miserable that he wanted to cause you just as much pain that he was in. You didn’t want to understand him. If you knew, you felt as if the resentment you’ve held for years would simply crumble under the weight of his confession.

Your hand remained trapped under his, his chest rises and falls, and his hold on you is surprisingly gentle now. The echo of his confession fades into the silence of this decrepit room, and you realise— this fight, this bitter rivalry— it’s just as much a part of him as it was to you. And even in this messy, bruised, and bloody silence, neither of you are ready to let it go.

When you break apart, you slowly lay down on the floor and rub the palms of your hands firmly into your eyes. You were so tired. So tired of fighting, getting put into detention, cleaning floors, studying for exams, and always trying your best to survive. The exhaustion soon takes over, and you pass out.

He watches you the whole time. The way you grit your teeth in exasperation and groan, the way your chest is heaving in frustrated huffs before slowing down into deeper, slower breaths. He watches you until you fall asleep, and then, right by your side, he lays down and closes his eyes, joining you in sleep with beaten limbs and bloodied skin.

The caretaker walks in when the sun begins to rise. The damage to the room was undeniable. The windows were still grimy, the cobwebs still hanging, and the floor littered with broken glass, ripped scrolls with boot prints, and two students, laying side by side, barely touching.

You guess it was inevitable for the both of you to get summer detention.

Year Six

The first day back at Hogwarts, you saw it immediately— something was terribly wrong with him.

His hair was longer, tangled and messier, and the shadows under his eyes were darker and bruised, as if he hadn’t slept in weeks. His face, once sharp with wit, looked gaunt, looking almost sickly. Something had changed over the scorching hot summer, like it had hollowed him out and left only a ghostly echo of the person you once knew.

And yet, he still greeted you, like he always did, almost endearingly so. “Mudblood,” he drawled. “Hope your summer was terrible.”

Your mouth opened, but the words snagged inside you, heavy and sour. It should’ve sparked that familiar flame between you, but you stopped yourself. His tone, his expression— all the life, the spark, the sickening thrill that always animated him when he saw you, it was gone. There was an uncomfortable ache in your chest, heavy and acidic. You almost couldn’t even recognize him.

For months, this feeling never went away. You never saw him around anymore.

In class, he isolated himself, working alone with his usual friends away at a distance. His head always kept down as he poured into his books in silence. Outside of class, he was nowhere to be seen. It became a whispered mystery in the hallways, one that no one seemed able to answer. You caught glimpses of his snake friends tucking wrapped bundles of food into their pockets, likely sneaking him meals because he’s never seen in the Great Hall anymore.

Even Jeonghan didn’t know what was going on with him. They had barely spoken more anymore than you did with him.

He became a complete stranger to you, his silence louder than any taunt he’d ever thrown your way. When you tried to challenge him, sometimes even uncharacteristically in a playful way, he didn’t even acknowledge you. He would only look at you with a strange, vacant expression, as if you were miles away.

Every time he looked at you with those empty eyes, that strange feeling in your chest turned into a gnawing ache that only grew. Your curiosity on what happened to him over the summer was insistent, like a parasite digging deeper with each passing day. But it was impossible for you to ask, because to do so would break the unspoken, hateful relationship you’d build together after all these years. How could you reach out to him when all you’d ever known was fire and fury?

Then, one late Saturday afternoon, you were passing by the abandoned classroom near the Bell Tower when you heard something— a sound that stopped you cold. A low, guttural sob, the kind of anguish that would make your heart drop into your stomach.

You could have turned your cheek. You could have pretended as if you hadn’t heard anything. You could have walked away.

But the sobbing continued, those agonising, wrenching sounds so raw, so hauntingly familiar. You couldn’t stop yourself, you stepped closer, heart hammering as you pushed open the cracked door to peek inside.

There, huddled on the cold floor, was the boy you knew— the boy who taunted and tormented you, who laughed as he goaded you into every petty fight. He was now slumped forward, fingers clawing at the stone floor as his shoulder shook from the weight of all his miserable tears. Broken glass lay all around him— vials from this week’s Charms lesson, meant to turn water into wine, and his robes soaked with it had turned the air heavy and sour in the small room. The knuckles on his hand were blood, cut and stained, red streaks running down his fingers.

You stood frozen, your heart lodged painfully in your throat. You were never meant to see this. He was unravelling before you, stripped bare of all the pride and scorn he used to wear like a badge. But you couldn’t bring yourself to look away.

You wanted to run to him, and grab him by his shoulders. Come back. You wanted to yell at him. Come back to me and fight me. Come yell curses at me, jinx all the hair off my head, or poison my drinks. Just come back.

But he never saw you. His eyes were as vacant as ever, the light in them extinguished. The boy with the crooked smile, the one who used to take so much pleasure in all your misery, was gone. He blinked once, swayed on his knees, and then, without warning, fell forward and collapsed.

You pulled away from the door, heart racing. You couldn’t bear to see him like this anymore. You just ran. You needed to find someone, anyone, that could help him.

You tore down the North Hall, your footsteps echoing off the stone walls, until you crashed headfirst into Wonwoo, almost knocking him over. He caught you, his fingers digging into your shoulders, eyes wide and frantic.

“Did you see him?” he demanded, his voice breaking, scared and desperate. You’ve never heard him this hysterical before.

Trembling, you lifted a shaky finger, your own voice sounding terrified. “The old room for Arithmancy… down the hall.”

Wonwoo ran.

It was the final week of Hogwarts.

It was past curfew, and you were running, practically flying through the empty corridors as you tried to reach your Common Room. The halls were dark, steeped in an eerie silence, and you tried your best to be as silent as possible because it was three hours past curfew, and you could not risk another night in detention again— not now, not with exams pressing down on you.

It’s been weeks since you last saw him. Classmates gossiped amongst each other that he had disappeared since that night you saw him in the abandoned classroom, and with how hectic the end of the year terms were, you woefully wondered if the exam season was a helpful distraction to what you had witnessed that night.

You kept close to the shadows, stepping as quickly and quietly as possible, you tried to reach the suspension bridge when suddenly, a sickening crack echoed through the air. A sound that was so unnatural in the usual stillness of the night, it made you stumble, gripping on the wall to steady yourself.

Dread twisted up in your stomach. That was the sound of something breaking— no, something falling.

You turned a corner, breath hitching as you reached the open space by the bridge. There, sprawled out on the cobblestone courtyard, lay a figure— a mess of long, white hair spread out like a gruesome halo, blood already seeping into the cracks between the stones. Grey eyes, which were normally so vibrant and bright, were glazed over as they stared straight up into the night sky.

The headmaster lay dead in front of you.

A scream tore out into the cold, dark night. Your throat was raw and broken, the sound of your cry ringing off the stone walls, piercing into the silence of the night. Your knees buckled, and when you fell, you pressed a shaking hand to your mouth, trying to muffle the sob that clawed its way out your mouth. Your whole body was trembling, heart beating so fast, your vision blurred as you desperately scanned the darkness of any sign, any glimpse of whoever had done this.

Your breath came up in shallow gasps, looking everywhere until finally, you looked up.

There he was.

He was standing on the stoned dome above, looking down at you. His figure was draped in shadow, illuminated only by the faint silver glow of the moon. Your heart clenched, a sad comfort that he was finally looking at you in what felt like the first time in forever. But there was something terribly wrong. His eyes— his normally heavily, hooded dark eyes, were deliriously manic. The whites of them showing an intensity that you’ve never seen on him.

A chill seeped into your bones as he watched you, and when you stood back up on shaky limbs, your eyes never leaving him, you wondered if the boy you once knew had been replaced by someone else entirely.

His face had changed so much.

You almost missed his crooked smile.

Year Seven

He never came back to Hogwarts.

#if youve ever dmed me or left me comments #i cant thank you enough #your kind words mean so much to me TT #it genuinely motivates me to write more #and i really do miss it #thanks again so sticking around to read my story #i love you all!#seventeen scenarios #scoups scenarios #seungcheol scenarios #seventeen fic #seventeen x harry potter #harry potter au #seungcheol fic #seventeen harry potter au #scoups fic #seventeen

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diorkyeom · 1 year ago

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THE @diorkyeom / @fairyhaos AO3 FIC REC LIST

last updated: 16/09/2023

masterlist. part two. part three.

a compiled list of all the ao3 fics that i've read for seventeen which i've loved, kudosed, and proceeded to download so i'll always have with me. to be updated whenever i have new recs!

are you soaked in dreams? - poppyseedheart

verkwan, non-idols, f2l, oneshot

hnggghhhhhh the softest, most caring fic ever. literally i adore when fics have hansol as this calm and loving force for seungkwan and seungkwan doesn't even REALISE that hansol is always by his side until something happens and he's hit with the full force of how much he adores him

stumble and fall (stage left) - pocketpastel

verkwan, uni au, romeo and juliet production, chaptered

the seungkwan characterisation is off the charts level of accuracy. i loveeee when people have kwan being as obsessed with hansol as hansol is with him pls it makes my heart so happy :< also theatre kid seungkwan and awkward skater boy hansol is just so sweet

Adventures In Fiction - thanku4urlove

verkwan, canon au, crack, fluff, oneshot

the hilarity and the feels are just sooo prominent. also reading fanfiction out loud to one another as part of bonding activities feels like a very very seventeen thing. i can imagine them doing it together and also seungkwan getting so emotionally attached to a fic??? the funniest and realest thing ever actually

i like you a latte - mysterywoozi(writers_haven)

soonhoon, coffee shops, uni au, fluff, oneshot

fluffy. so so fluffy, the kind of strangers/friends to lovers that really fits soonhoon so well. ngl i'm not too keen on reading loads and loads of enemies to lovers fics for soonhoon bc people don't understand that that's their banter, that's how they are as friends, and so i love when fics appear where they are these friends who have fun ribbing off each other. also it's the best when woozi is Whipped and he doesn't even realise it.

Skin;Heat - kwanies

soonhoon, synaesthesia, fluff, oneshot

it is INSANE how much i adore this oml. the idea of jihoon with this type of synaesthesia where he hears sounds and music for people? gorgeous. utterly incredible and so so him. and then soonyoung acting as jihoon's opposite and also his equal.... it's beautiful

Fast Pace - Mistehri

soonhoon, choreographer!hoshi, producer!woozi, crack, oneshot

funny!! so so funny and the rivalry of soonhoon despite being strangers is utterly hilarious. i just. love the soonhoon dynamic so much and this one feels like it encapsulates it so well and makes it lighter and cooler and sweeter and yes i adore it too

I'll Be Your Man - jeosheo

meanie, office au, rivals to lovers, fake dating, crack, chaptered

this author literally writes such gold in terms of humor oml. this is one of my favourite meanie fics bc it feels so so them and also?? mingyu and his family as these people with weird entrancing abilities is so so funny. also the FEELS wtf it's so good

spooked - lunahui

meanie, uni au, strangers to lovers, crack, oneshot

TOP TIER MEANIE FIC. the characterisation is so so them and i love the idea of mingyu hot guy who's actually lowkey just a soft loser. they're so sweet and so lovely and it's such a fun fic

Habit - alswiffy(lunahui)

meanie, canon au, falling in love, soft, oneshot

CRYING. I ONLY JUST REALIZED THIS IS BY THE SAME AUTHOR AS THE OTHER MEANIE FIC I ADORED. i love the domesticism of this, of loving someone like breathing, of working through feelings together and realising that you've been in love with each other all along

How Sweet It Is - orphan_account

gyuhao, baker!gyu, costume designer!hao, idiots to lovers, oneshot

SO FUNNY. SO THEM. i adore when people manage to get minghao's internal monologue right, (along w wonwoo's) and the way minghao also just becomes so stupid when he's found this hot guy to have a crush on??? gold. i love it sm.

press restart - Acavall

seoksoo, clap era, feelings realisation, oneshot

so so so soft oml. i don't actually read seoksoo a lot bc imo people don't really get their characterisation right, but this is just gold. it's the standard. i love it so much

The Light of Ulleungdo - Mistyreflections

seoksoo, village au, feels, chaptered

(check warnings for this fic)

i could talk for years about this fic and never be able to fully articulate how much it means to me. the imagery and the descriptions and the way it just instantly had me hooked?? i was originally sceptical about reading it but then i opened it, read the beginning in hao's pov, and the next thing i new it was 5 hours later and i had tears streaming down my cheeks and my heart thumping so hard in my chest

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nonranghaes · 1 year ago

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heads up! husband!cheol. mentions of weight gain post-marriage and hinted at insecurities surrounding it... also slight suggestive content at the end. btw dont tag this w any fetish stuff bc thats not what it is! thanks

something is... off with your husband today.

every time you noticed seungcheol while out shopping with him earlier, he seemed distracted. he'd keep glancing at his reflection in mirrors and windows, he took a little longer in a dressing room while buying new dress pants for the work thing he had coming up... and he shied away from your touch earlier when you went to hug him as he was cooking dinner.

and now, while you're lying in bed reading, he's staring at himself in the mirror again. he turns to the side, frowning at his reflection, brow drawing together. "honey?"

"yes, my love?" you didn't look up.

"i think i gained weight."

"most married people do," you hum. "i think i gained some, too."

he looks to you to try and gauge your reaction before he turns to himself again. "no, but..." he sighs. his hand falls to his stomach, "you've noticed it, right?"

you set your book aside, moving forward to sit at the edge of the bed closest to him. "i've noticed my sexy, incredibly handsome husband every day. kind of hard not to when you're always cuddling me, y'know."

he pouts at you. "that's not what i--"

"i know. but from where i'm sitting... all i can see is my perfect husband," you hum, "and i think he's beautiful."

he looks to you, gaze softening as he makes his way to you. he kisses your forehead first, taking your face in his hands. "i love you," he says, "if you really mean it--"

"i do," you rest your hands over his. "i think you're perfect." you pull his hands away, reaching up so that you can draw him down to you. "why don't you let me show you just how perfect i think you are?"

seungcheol kisses you eagerly, smiling into it as a man so completely in love with you. even when he had his insecure days, he had you right there to soothe over those insecurities. that's what a marriage should be, he thinks as he lets you take the reins.

this, he thinks, is what it means to be loved wholeheartedly.

#nonranghaes.thoughts #seventeen x reader #nonranghaes.svt #svt x reader #seventeen imagine #seventeen x you #svt imagine #svt x you #s coups x you #s coups x reader #choi seungcheol x you #choi seungcheol x reader #seungcheol x you #seungcheol x reader #idk i was reading about the fact that married couples often gain weight after marriage #and theres something about the happiness of a relationship that like... adds to it ig?#idk i just started thinking abt husband cheol having a moment of 'oh im gaining weight...?' and having his partner be like #'well. yeah. dont most happily married couples gain weight after marriage?'#just means hes happy in his marriage :3

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lunarsights · 3 months ago

Note

Hello! I was wondering if you can do a reading of would any members of Seventeen would date and /or marry a foreigner who is a POC especially if they were not Korean or East Asian? Thank you if you do!- 🌺

𝙎𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙤𝙣 𝘽𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙍𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙄𝙣𝙫𝙤𝙡𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙁𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙨

i asked this in terms of nationality and ethnicity based on members' backgrounds (ie. not counting chinese people for jun and minghao; not counting white people or americans for vernon, etc.)

S. Coups

𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲:

“My Girlfriends Are My Boyfriends” by Demi Lovato (feat. Saweetie)

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬:

Eight of Cups, The Tower, The Hermit, Nine of Wands

Final Answer: The Devil (Rx)

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

s.coups could be interested in dating foreigners, but could’ve been hesitant about it in past times. he could’ve had a somewhat recent change in mind? he might’ve been interested or thought of being romantic with foreigners in the past but “not seriously/long-term”. he might’ve had beliefs that a romantic relationship with a foreigner wouldn’t last or would be too complicated, but he’s changing his mind on this front (actively still because of the tower and the hermit - showing introspection). he does recognize that being with a foreigner would be sort of an uphill battle though - in that he’d have to be head-strong and confident enough to “stick to his beliefs” even if others say something about it.

TLDR; interested, soon to be likely yes

Jeonghan

𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲:

“Muse” by E’Last

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬:

Knight of Cups, The Star (Rx), Two of Wands, The Hanged Man

Final Answer: King of Cups (Rx), Page of Pentacles

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

jeonghan is open to being romantic with foreigners “if time/the universe allows/wants”, but he wouldn’t seek them out so to speak. he could think the possible backlash and trials aren’t worth the relationship; he could think it’s “unrealistic” for him to be with a foreigner, so it’s like the thought doesn’t even come into his mind. with two of wands and the hanged man though, he is open to being with a foreigner if he felt like they were really worth it; he’d have to have very strong, “unignorable” feelings for them. he’d be overwhelmed, but he’d make it work because he doesn’t like the idea of “not feeling his true self”; he’s the type of person who whose personality would totally change if he couldn’t be with the person he loved, so if it happened organically he’d make it work.

TLDR; not really into it; would make it work if he organically fell in love but doesn’t seek it out

Joshua

𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲:

“Charmer” by Stray Kids

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬:

Five of Wands (Rx), Judgment, Two of Cups, Seven of Wands

Final Answer: Four of Pentacles, Temperance (Rx)

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

joshua could’ve struggled with this question a lot throughout his life (maybe going back and forth on how he feels) but feels more secure about how he feels now, and it’s giving “it is what it is”. joshua could know he’s attractive to a wide range of people and seems to operate on the wave of “if i vibe with you; i vibe with you” or “if we have a connection, then we have a connection”, but seven of swords shows a little more calculation. he could be open to a relationship with a foreigner but on the low? he could want to guard them from the public and wait until the last minute to reveal they’re a foreigner. even though that’s the case he would be “all in” when it comes to being in a relationship with them, but he’d try to reduce the backlash as much as possible. i’d say he seems more worried about the effects of dating a foreigner as opposed to only being focused on the connection as compared to say jeonghan. TLDR; yes but would be very worried about his career

Jun

𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲:

“Stay Alive (Interlude)” from the Hamilton Mixtape

“sweetener (live)” by Ariana Grande

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬:

The Emperor, Knight of Wands, Nine of Coins (Rx), Six of Swords (Rx)

Final Answer: The Sun (Rx)

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

jun is all about stability and practicality when it comes to the idea of dating or marrying a foreigner. the emperor in this situation also gives an air of being focused on tradition, so that could be something that’s on his mind also. he could find it fun or interesting to flirt with and maybe enter the talking stages with foreigners out of curiosity, but it seems he doesn’t see himself settling down with one for the long-run. it seems he mainly feels it could impact all his “hard” work and create an unstable financial/work situation. he could be highly focused on the public’s reaction and may not want to rock the boat. ultimately, he’ll flirt with foreigners and have flings with them, but it seems he wouldn’t settle down with one. TLDR; no – he worked this hard for his career, and he won’t jeopardize it

Hoshi

𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲:

“Drop That (JP Version)” by EXO

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬:

Seven of Cups, Ten of Swords, Five of Coins (Rx), Page of Cups

Final Answer: Nine of Coins (Rx), Three of Swords, The World

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

hoshi might’ve already entertained the idea of dating a foreigner, but he could be worried about the “logistics”. He may think it’s a nice thought like “in a perfect world, i’d be able to do this”, but he knows the real life experience will be very different from a fantasy or ideal perception. he previously might’ve thought being romantic with a foreigner would never work out, or it would end bitterly, but he might’ve changed his mind recently. the second shufflemancy song is “Jason’s Song (Gave It Away)” by Ariana Grande where she talks of doing her own thing despite others wanting different from her, so this could be his thought process. with this new idea in tow, hoshi seems optimistic and excited about new romantic prospects and interactions. TLDR; still a little hesitant because he became newly open to the idea, but yes

Wonwoo

𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲:

“pete davidson” by Ariana Grande

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬:

King of Wands, Five of Swords (Rx), Knight of Wands (Rx), Two of Wands (Rx), The Devil, Page of Wands, The Star

Final Answer: The Lovers, Strength

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

wonwoo could be someone who’s very flexible when it comes to his love life; he’s more focused on the big picture of life as opposed to career only. before, he might’ve been reluctant to engage in romantic relationships with foreigners, but it’s like he’s come to a new conclusion (not recently though; this idea has been around for a while). he might’ve felt he was arrogant and maybe even ignorant to not be open to foreigners before and realized this came from a place of fear – almost like societal pressures and expectations were outweighing his genuine curiosity and willingness to explore. curiosity really guides his opinion on this subject, and he’s definitely open to being romantic with foreigners as a result. TLDR; societal expectations made him think differently at first, but strong yes

Woozi

𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲:

“Leave Me Lonely” by Ariana Grande (feat. Macy Gray)

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬:

Nine of Coins (Rx), Queen of Cups (Rx), Page of Cups, Two of Cups

Final Answer: King of Coins (Rx), Nine of Cups, Three of Swords (Rx), The Sun

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

woozi could be feeling like love is overrated or fake right now. relating to being romantic with foreigners he may think “all the ones [he] interacts with are superficial”. he could feel he needs to be with someone who is mature and “willing to take on all [the] commitments” that come with dating interracially, internationally, and more. he seems to be connected to the idea of a fated love? His focus is more on personal connections, so his feelings seem to be focused on “if they love me and i love them, and [we both] want to commit” then he’s open to being romantic with a foreigner. TLDR; his focus is on the emotional connection and merging together. if a foreigner (or some of the same race/nationality for that matter) is ready to commit and is not overly focused on material things, then yes

𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲:

“Down Bad” by Dreamville’s JID, Bas, J. Cole, EARTHGANG, and Young Nudy

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬:

Four of Wands, The Star (Rx), Strength, Nine of Wands (Rx), Two of Wands, Wheel of Fortune (Rx)

Final Answer: Eight of Cups, Queen of Swords, The World, The Moon

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

dk feels like the opposite of wonwoo with their cards being similar but in reverse. dk could find joy in being around foreigners romantically; he might enjoy flirting with them and might’ve been slightly interested in being serious with them romantically, but he doesn’t believe things can work out. it might be a situation where every time he tries to do this “the good outweighs the bad”. he could try to push through or make things work, but it’s almost like it’s “not destined [for him]”, so he could be evaluating whether or not he even wants to pursue foreigners romantically in general. it’s looking like he originally was open, but is becoming closed off because of prior bad experiences. TLDR; previously a strong yes, but now likely no

Mingyu

𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲:

“Can’t Let Go (Acoustic)” by Calvin Richardson

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬:

Queen of Wands, Ace of Wands, Three of Wands (Rx), Justice, Page of Coins

Final Answer: Ace of Swords, Ten of Coins, Two of Cups, King of Wands, The High Priestess

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

mingyu could find the idea of being romantically involved with a foreigner exciting. he could see it as a new experience or a way to gain new insight about the world. with queen of wands he could feel foreigners are more outspoken or passionate compared to the people he often interacts with in his home country. he might be interested in exploring relationships with foreigners, but two things could be holding him back: one is lack of ability to actually pursue relationships with them (ie. the foreigners he’s interested in don’t seem interested in him or this could be because of his job), and the second is he is very proud of his home country, so he does feel significant ties to it and could worry about “obligations”. worries about his country’s response don’t seem to be prominent though or at least they don’t hold him back from pursuing – it’s more so the first thing about foreigners not always being interested. he’s another person who’s focused on the way the relationship operates in general as opposed to being overly worried about backlash. TLDR; he’s interested, but may not have the opportunities to engage

The8

𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲:

“That’s What You Get” by Paramore

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬:

The Hanged Man, Four of Cups, Five of Wands (Rx), Seven of Cups (Rx)

Final Answer: Seven of Coins, Two of Swords, Nine of Coins, The Empress

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

minghao could have no true feelings either way when it comes to being romantic with foreigners. It may not even be on his mind, truthfully, and if it is it could be on a surface level scale. he could have a general idea of how people will feel about it, but he doesn’t put stock in those opinions. he could be open to “compromise” in relationships, or he could think a relationship with a foreigner could require a lot of that. he could have thoughts of “what do [they] bring to the table”, but this isn’t specific to foreigners; it could be his general disposition. TLDR; doesn’t really think about it, but “i guess”

Seungkwan

𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲:

“Adorn” by Miguel

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬:

Judgment (Rx), Four of Wands, The Hierophant, King of Coins (Rx), The Emperor

Final Answer: The Emperor, The Lovers

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

“that’s not a good idea” came to mind looking at judgment in reverse. seungkwan seems focused on the idea of tradition and following in the steps of those before him, so he could be very proud of his home country. it seems he has a tendency to like those who aren’t foreign, and it could be a situation where he’s dreamed of being in a relationship with people from his country for so long that being with a foreigner seems unlikely. he seems to really prioritize and admire a traditional racial/ethnic/national relationship in his country. TLDR; likely no; he admires following traditions

Vernon

𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲:

“Look Alive” by BlocBoy JB (feat. Drake)

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬:

Nine of Cups, Knight of Coins, Knight of Wands, Two of Swords, Eight of Swords

Final Answer: Eight of Coins (Rx), Ten of Swords, Wheel of Fortune

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

overall vernon may be open to the idea of being romantic with foreigners. he may not like the idea of “closing off [his] options”, and he may even have experience pursuing people who are foreign. he could enjoy flirting with them and exploring things, but he gets a little more hesitant when it comes to settling down. intuitively, this could be related to his own experiences facing discrimination. he could feel worried about continuing to deal with “stares” and other uncomfortable situations; he might feel as if he’s already dealt with that before, so he doesn’t really want to “deal with it again”. this could also be a situation where he’s developed a way to cope by himself, but having to console another person could also feel stressful for him. TLDR; he’s interested, but hesitant about settling down due to his own experiences

Dino

𝐒𝐡𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐲:

“Icy Grl [Bae Mix]” by Saweetie (feat. Kehlani)

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬:

Temperance, Seven of Wands, Nine of Wands, The Fool (Rx)

Final Answer: The Hierophant, Six of Cups

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠:

“everything is good in moderation”. dino could be in a state of waiting to see who and what comes to him in love; he could be hyper-focused on work and other areas of life, so this isn’t his focus right now, but with that in mind he’s not looking for anyone or anything specific. he could be a little hesitant due to prior issues (maybe hearing about friends’ experiences has made him weary?). instinctually he could be drawn to just following through with tradition, so he could feel he’s likely to not be romantically involved with a foreigner. TLDR; maybe, but likely no

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403tarot · 1 year ago

Note

How would seventeen members would want to be loved?

just trying to send a request, tysm for noticing i love your readings. ✨

how seventeen members would want to be loved? 🍀

scoups: he is intense and looks for someone who is the same way. he wants to be loved for who he is, not just for what he can offer. scoups is seeking a balanced and healthy relationship where he and the person are not just lovers but also best friends.

jeonghan: he wants to be loved in a way that revolutionizes everything he thinks about love. he's seeking someone who makes him feel heard, cared for, and loved. jeonghan believes a relationship should symbolize the connection and evolution of two individuals.

joshua: he wants to be loved in a light and healthy manner, likely the type of person who ends up falling in love without realizing. he doesn't want a love that causes heartache or provokes anxiety but rather a mature love that makes him see the sparkle in life's little things every day.

junhui: he wants to be loved unconditionally, by someone who sets his heart on fire, warms his body, and makes his hands tremble. he's the kind of guy who seeks strong emotions and looks for someone who also enjoys bathing in the chaos of their own feelings.

hoshi: he wants someone who connects with him on body, soul, and mind. he needs to be loved in the same way that he's willing to love, and the vastness of care he has to offer is unparalleled. hoshi seeks a love that can be embraced effortlessly and doesn't make him think that the grass is greener on the other side.

wonwoo: he wants to be loved by someone willing to know and accept all facets of his personality, even the bad ones. he's looking for someone with whom he can be vulnerable, genuine, and who understands him, or at least is willing to. someone with whom wonwoo can share life's joys, blessings, frustrations, and sorrows.

woozi: he wants to be loved in a balanced way, without the person placing excessive expectations on him. woozi desires a love where he feels encouraged to be the best version of himself always. additionally, he doesn't like to be pressured in the emotional aspect and seeks someone who's in tune with that.

dk: he wants to be loved in a way that highlights the best aspects of his personality. he's seeking a love that brings color and vibrancy into his life, someone who takes care of him, holds him while sleeping, and truly shows an appreciation for his personality. dk desires someone as organized and methodical as he is.

mingyu: he wants to be loved by someone as enthusiastic about the idea of love as he is. mingyu is romantic and affectionate; he wants to know everything about his partner and desires to feel that interest reciprocated. he seeks someone with whom he can develop hobbies and who stands by his side to discover new things while holding his hand.

minghao: he wants to be loved in a way that is fulfilling and respects the individuality of both in the relationship. at times, he seems to feel the need to be alone, and someone who understands this is crucial. minghao seeks someone who is secure in their relationship, demonstrates maturity, and is capable of living without him. he said NO to codependency.

seungkwan: he wants an electrifying love, one that's different from anything he's ever experienced. he wants to feel that his person is all he needs and to be everything she needs in return. a love without insecurities, without suspicions, that makes him feel life is lighter and more fun. seungkwan seeks someone who delicately cares for his heart and keeps him head over heels, even after a long time.

vernon: he wants someone to love him in a chaotic, intense, and fierce way. he's looking for a feeling of being swept into the eye of the storm, someone who makes his heart almost leap out of his chest. a person willing to laugh in the face of danger alongside him and who locks themselves into a world that belongs only to the two of them.

dino: he wants to be loved in a way that makes him feel valued for who he is. someone who shows this love primarily through a lot of quality time, acts of service, and plenty of physical affection. he desires a calm and healthy love where both feel they are walking together towards the future, without distractions or meaningless arguments.

* based on tarot

#— duckie notes ⪩♡⪨#seventeen tarot #kpop readings #seungcheol #jeonghan #joshua #junhui #hoshi #wonwoo #woozi #dk #vernon #dino #minghao #mingyu #seungkwan #seventeen fluffy imagines #kpop astrology #kpop tarot

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ishikawayukis · 2 years ago

Photo

the “you can tell us what to do but that doesn’t mean we will listen” duo

#svtgifs #svtcreations #svtsource #svtdaily #forsvt #seventeen #seungcheol #soonyoung #the quality of these is 🧍‍♀️ but i had to LMAO #also love that they're both basically the i can't read so that can't stop me meme #or more like i can read but i don't care LMAO #my most beloved boys <3333 #b.edits

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bluejeanstrash · 1 year ago

Text

tags: 626 words, seungcheol x reader, angst, infidelity, break ups

‘no, i won’t do it’ seungcheol stands in front of the door, blocking your only exit ‘i won’t break up, i refuse’

you’re so tired ‘get out of the way’ you say weakly, just wanting to go back home.

‘please’ his voice falters ‘please baby, it was just one kiss. one. it meant absolutely nothing. please you have to believe me’ he’s crying now, gripping your shoulder as he shakes you desperately.

just one kiss — the story of just one kiss with famous k-pop idol had started as another post on an anonymous gossip site. user cherry0912 had written she’d kissed celebrity S at a nightclub.

“when he realised we were fans he paid for all our drinks!!! and then somehow we started dancing together and then…we kissed. everyone, kissing a celebrity really is everything you can imagine”

first brushed off as a delusional fan, the details in every follow up post had started to get very specific; then she posted that picture — the one your friend takes as proof when you’re kissing a famous idol in a club. everything was blurry and dim and most said you couldn’t tell it was him but you knew immediately. call it a woman’s intuition. guilt-ridden, he had confessed thinking you would forgive him. after all, it was just one kiss. the only silver lining — if you could even call it that — was your relationship was not public. so at least you’d been spared that humiliation.

‘let me go’ he loosens his grip, dropping his hands ‘and get out of my way’

seungcheol knows, he knows once you walk out that door he’ll never see you again.

‘please don’t do this’

your fatigue is suddenly consumed by a fit of rage ‘YOU DID THIS!’ you scream ‘YOU! you ruined it. not me. how could you-’ your voice breaks ‘how could you do this to me’ you break down, falling to the floor and start crying, wailing like a little kid who doesn’t know how else to express their pain.

you cover your face with your hands and cry and cry until seungcheol slides down, pulling you into a familiar hug. you let him. it feels so safe and reassuring in his arms that you forget for a second that he’s the one causing you this pain.

‘i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’ll do anything’ he holds you so tight, trying to bridge the irreparable gap between you both. then he pulls away, holding your face in his hands, his eyes filled with a sudden resolve ‘i’ll fix it. i can fix it, i promise. just- just don’t leave me’ he looks at you hopefully, desperate to get through to you. it doesn’t work, you just can’t look at him the same anymore. you start to stand up as he pulls you back down ‘no, no, no, don’t go. let’s talk about it’

‘there’s nothing left to talk about’ it was true. everything to say had already been said. you’d been arguing for hours now, going through all the motions — the screaming, the crying, the silence. ‘you hurt me, you intentionally hurt me’ you shake your head ‘i have nothing left to say to someone who could that me’

‘but, i- i don’t want to break up’ it sounds more like he’s telling him that.

‘well’ you push him off you, not able to stand his touch anymore ‘it’s not just up to you’ and get up. he just sits there, staring at nothing as you walk past him and head to the door. your hand shakes as you grab the handle.

‘please don’t leave me’ you hear his voice, soft and sincere ‘don’t leave..’ it almost pulls you back. the door clicks open and without even turning around to look at him one last time, you walk out.

‘please..’ he pleads to no one, realising what has just happened. he turns around, watching the door shut slowly, knowing your chapter too has closed with it.

#random angst because i was listening to my angsty spotify playlist ✊#idk if anyone would want to read this but thought i’d post it anyway #seungcheol x reader #seungcheol angst #seungcheol fanfic #scoups x reader #scoups angst #scoups fanfic #choi seungcheol #scoups #seungcheol drabble #seungcheol one shot #scoups drabble #scoups one shot

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cuntycheol · 1 year ago

Text

To You :)

Happy Birthday Seungcheol!!!

WC: 744 words. We must protect this man :(

Hand in hand, you sat comfortably on the couch with your beloved baby Kkuma, and your husband, Seungcheol. Time usually races to midnight, but when you're eagerly awaiting its passage, it seems to drag. Nonetheless, you embrace the virtue of patience and immerse yourselves back into the movie that both of you had been thoroughly enjoying. The silence and occasional glances to the clock from Seungcheol made it evident he's anticipating something. It's hard for him to remain discreet about something he's excited for, or he's eagerly waiting. However, you pause the movie because of how boring the plot gets, and switch off the TV. "Kkuma's asleep, so is my leg" you whine. Seungcheol grabs her and lays her comfortable on her bed, while you slowly get up and get in the kitchen.

"Where to?" He inquires, voice deepening with the amount of seriousness in his tone. "Oh just for some water. I'll be quick" you take out a bottle from the fridge. He stands for a while, as you glance his figure from the corner of your eye, hoping he goes in the room. Soon he does, and you quickly take out your prepared cake, with the candles and lit it. Unable to control your ecstacy, you hold your gift, and party caps, and slowly get in the room. Seungcheol, who was seated on the bed with a huge pout, legs crossed by the ankles, immediately lightens up in a huge, huge smile.

"Happy birthday Husband! Looks like another year of putting up with me is in the books" you chuckle. He laughs a little, and you proceed to sing him a birthday song. Kkuma who tends to be awaken by slight disturbance, rushes into the room and jumps onto her dad's lap. You put the cap on his head, and take some pictures to capture this simple moment. Calm has always been the aesthetic of the two of you.

"Well, they say practice makes perfect. Thanks for giving me so much practice then! But seriously, I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you so much, love" he pulls you on the bed, and blows on the candle. You rip out a piece from the corner and feed it to the birthday boy himself and he swipes a fluffy peak of cream on your lips to help himself on the sugar rush. He couldn't be more happier.

You pull out the gift you've prepared for him; the perfect watch for a man who holds luxury. "Hopefully you'll keep track of time when you're late" you sneer. He holds the watch in his hands and thanks you, "oh darling I have all the time" and you share a chuckle. Smiling, you look in his eyes and ask him, "what did your dad call your grandfather?" He looks at you, confused but proceeds to tilt his head and say "well he'd call him dad or father"

"And what did you call your dad?"

"Tch, Aunty" he scoffs "ofcourse dad"

"And what if someone else calls you dad?" You ask, your heart now racing in your chest.

"Honey, who would call me da-" he stops mid sentence, to look you. He raises his eyebrows, surprise all over his face. You finally take out the ultrasound sonogram and hand it to your surprised husband. He puts Kkuma on the bed and gets up, pacing back and forward in the room, texting his friends in his groupchat, absolutely frenzy with happiness.

"I'm going to be a dad? Me? Father? Oh my god" he picks you up and twirls you around. "Oh my- Cheol stop I'll fall!!" Laughter filling the room, he's on the moon right now. Nothing could bring him down from his peak of excitement.

"Thankyou so much for giving me the BEST gift ever" he slowly gets teary-eyed, hands on your belly as he hugs you from behind. You hold his hands, feeling every inch of his warmth onto you.

"You know how you're always worried about being late? Well, get ready to be 'late' for diaper changes and feeding times"

"Wait, are you saying we're starting a new trend of fashionable lateness?"

"Exactly! Our little one is going to set the trend for parents who arrive fashionably late to everything."

"I guess I'll have to update my wardrobe to match our baby's schedule then!" Seungcheol laughs. Safe to say your child will have the best parents in the world, and quite an interesting father.

════════════════════

Thankyou for reading this and giving so much love to my fic!!

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cheolsfae · 3 months ago

Note

Hii love, can you do scoups future spouse? Please~ 🥺. Luv u 😘

Sure!

*Just for the hell of it!*

Past: page of pentacles, knight of swords

This person is definitely shy, I don't think they are the type to move quickly in a relationship. They take things seriously and move with caution, making sure to think things through before moving into anything. Coups on the other hand, is going to just come charging in and try to woo them to the best of his abilities. They are going to be taken aback by it at first.

Present: 4 of wands, judgement

Later on, this person will eventually grow to like how passionate he is. They'll get together and get married if that's something both parties want. They will form a union of some kind. This rushing into something could be something Coups has a habit of doing but in this scenario it looks like it's going to play out the way he wants it to. It's all in his favor.

Future: 2 of wands, knight of pentacles

This person is most likely a foreigner. Mainly because it feels like this person travels to him a lot. It feels like this person has to really plan and save in order to see him. They want to move in with him but it's like financial circumstances get in the way so, that aspect of it is coming along slowly but surely.

#—faes readings #seventeen #choi seungcheol #jeon wonwoo #hansol vernon chwe #hong jisoo #boo seungkwan #kim mingyu #kwon soonyoung #lee chan #woozi #svt dino #dk seventeen #joshua hong #yoon jeonghan #lee jihoon

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loserlvrss · 11 months ago

Text

꒰ 𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐒𝐘𝐂𝐇𝐄 ꒱ 최승철 & 최한설

summary : you'd gone on a couple of dates between your schedule of running a cafe, complications emerging when two of your closest flings admit their love and leave you confused

genre : fluff, angst, cafe-owner!reader, artist!vernon, surgeon!scoups, bestfriend!dino, bestfriend!seungkwan, love-triangle, comedy, multi x afab!reader tws : language, suggestive content, emetophobia, reader is very insecure, anxiety, mentions of sex author notes : for @mintchocosan. i sincerely hope it's what you were looking for. i'm so down bad for these two men, istg it was so difficult to decide. thank you so much for requesting! i'm so so so sorry it took too fucking long :c forgive me & thank u for being understanding, happy holidays & new years. word count : 9.2k

“chan,” you turned, watching as the dark-haired man began to audaciously ignore you, a smile to his face. “can you help the customer, please?”

at that moment, another employee came from the back, swinging the door dramatically against its hinges and sighing out. he passed chan on the way, smacking the back of his head and walking to the register. chan yelped in protest—his eyes shooting everything that wasn’t suitable for the friendly atmosphere of your café at him in retaliation.

the man proceeded to take the order, the customer stifling a laugh at the antics of your best—and basically only—friends.

he joined the two of you with a slip of paper, handing it off to you and leaning against the counter. he sighed over-dramatically again, earning another side-eye from chan. “y/n, why must you hire such incompetent people? you should take it out of his paycheck, or something—give me a bonus for being so good to your café.”

you chuckled, pouring the heated milk into the drink you were making. “seungkwan… play nice.”

chan scoffed. “yeah, seungkwan, play nice.”

“you both make the day go by a little faster,” seungkwan boasted silently, chan doing the same at your side as he put a lid on the cup you had just passed. “don’t let it get to your big heads, though.”

“chan does have a big head! in fact, if it got any larger we might have to order a custom hat for his bad hair—correction, normal hair days.”

chan's gaze deepened on the older of the pair, you laughed and took the finished product from the younger, handing it to the waiting customer. they thanked you and walked off; probably to join the bustling streets on their way into work—like you've been at since 4am.

now that the only customer's were the ones getting a morning study-sesh in. chan jumped at seungkwan, miming a kick you'd see in action movies from time-to-time; when you'd have time to indulge in self-care and actually watch one.

you watched the pair play-fight for a minute before your phone pinged in the front pocket of your tan-colored apron. your hand reached in and pulled it out, looking at the lit up lock screen of linked hands. you read the notification, barely registering that it happened to be outside of your head.

"yeah," seungkwan took the phone from your hand, your attempt to get it back in vain when he held it above his head. "we should be free for lunch, but why are you asking y/n? we all eat together anyways."

chan hummed, pressing his lower back into the countertop and crossing his arms. 'i'm actually not sure if i will be. i've been seeing this doctor recently, his schedule is so hectic that i drop everything for him when he texts me—" another ping! rang out, cutting him off briefly. "ah! that must be him right now!"

seungkwan moved excitedly, reading the text aloud for the whole of the place to hear. "i just had a really stressful night and i just want to see your face, let me know if you can meet." his mouth dropped open. "he even put a heart! chan, look at this!"

"stop!" you whined, chan lifting from his relaxed position and holding you back effortlessly. he nodded for the older to go on with typing—seemingly from his facial expressions—a well thought-out reply.

"guys, i'm so busy. don't say yes right now. seungkwan, you'll have no fingers if you continue to type—oh my god, i'm going to fire you both. we won't be friends anymore, seungkwan, chan, stop it right now—i’m serious."

seungkwan handed the phone back casually, obviously ignoring your lifeless threats. "great, i'll see you later at your place... don't forget to wrap it up. but he’s a doctor, he should know the risks."

you shot them a serious glance, that soon morphed into a pleading one. "guys, i have a meeting, which i was trying to tell you—"

"we know. we said you'd meet afterwards. anyways, the painter is coming soon. as in, this morning. y/n, we're not stupid. and besides, who fucks during the day?”

chan threw his hand up. “well, i'm not stupid—you, however, could've fooled me.”

“yeah? well, you don’t fuck at all, you’ve never even gotten your dick w—"

chan lunged at him, pulling his fist back and only pulsing it in seungkwan’s direction. then, they broke out into another verbal fight; your cue to leave them and go back to your office.

you took a shaky breath as you walked the brightly lit hallway. you knew your friends were right and everything would work out smoothly, they knew about your meeting and truthfully just wanted what was best for you. they wanted you to get out of your shell, yet still, the act itself annoyed you. it almost made you feel belittled, like you had no control over your love-life—at least, no better than they did.

once you took a seat behind your organized desk, you grumbled and hung your head to the cool wood. honestly, the pressure against your skull was soothing the tension inside you, and ultimately relaxing your shoulders.

you weren't easy to stress-out, or frankly upset, but right now you felt a little lost though the path was clear and brightly lit. you could see the end, yet the thing—person—wasn't in focus. you couldn't tell if it was you or someone entirely different; especially since you've seen a lot of people throughout your twenty-seven years on earth.

if you were honest with yourself, you’d know you've been feeling like (for a while now) that something was missing. if you went back a couple of years and saw that happy face of yours opening the doors to your dream café, you'd be disappointed to have her looking back at you. you loved your job, and the regulars made it worth it, chan and seungkwan, who have been at your side since practically the beginning, made it worth it. you weren't financially going under, and you were far from running out of people to serve, you just couldn't pin-point the empty feeling inside your chest that kept you up at night.

actually, you didn't even know why this was all bubbling up now. in the past, you had it harder—especially during the pandemic when you had to close for all those months, putting yourself and, ultimately, your bestfriend’s at risk of being homeless. but, there must’ve been something about the soggy blanket over the sky this morning that made you feel lethargic.

then, came a soft knock on the door to your office. you let out a gentle conformation to come in, expecting to see chan or seungkwan telling you that they were going on break despite only working two hours to your almost eight. you almost non-verbally waved them off, until you saw the contempt—almost radiantly so—expression painting the other half of your meeting’s face. he smiled, barely showing his teeth in the process, and shielding you two behind the closed door.

you returned a slight smile, and he cocked his head, standing in the middle of the room and watching as you raised from your seated position. you circled from behind your desk and wrapped your arms around him. his scent took over your nose: the synthetic, yet comforting smell of paint that mixed with a floral aroma he tried to cover it up with.

“hey,” he said, barely over a whisper. “are you okay?”

you nodded into his neck, genuinely feeling a sense of clarity through the fog in his arms.

“i think… i’m just tired.” you replied honestly, finally breaking from his embrace. “i’ve been here since four and seungkwan and chan have been testing each other’s nonexistent patience today more than usual—making a competition about who’s gotten their dicks wet more.” you shuttered with the mental image. “is it a full moon? i feel like it must be. it’s gotta be the only explanation why today just feels off.”

he gave you a gentle look, sparklingly-clear eyes meeting your broody ones. “do you need something? how can i help?”

you shied away, leaning against the cedar of the desk as a blush bloomed across your cheekbones. you almost buckled at the knees from his eagerness to want you to feel better—the genuineness behind his tone.

your arms crossed over your front. “i’ll be okay. nothing a big girl can’t handle.” you tried to joke. “i haven’t cried since elementary school. i can handle a lot, you know.”

he further approached you, taking your hooked arms within his grasp and pulling you into him again. “are you sure?” he asked, and before he gave you a chance to reassure him, he took your breath away, literally, as your lips melted together for the sixth or seventh time (not that you were counting) since you started seeing each other.

his hands found your cheeks as the kiss deepened, yours wrapping around his neck and pulling him closer. your heartbeat was crazily-fast despite the relaxed feeling you felt coursing through you. he peppered a few closed mouth kisses as you slowed, pulling off with soft but heavy breaths.

"trust me, i know you can handle a lot." he breathily fanned the lower half of your face. “but, i really wanted to kiss you anyways.”

"oh?" you laughed/ "and how did you find that information out?"

he laughed back. "are you flirting with me?"

"i don't know," you gently pressed his lips to yours again. "would you like to find out?"

"i thought we were supposed to be having a meeting about art."

he let you fall back against the cool wood. "i guess we could give it a try..." but there was now a lingering tension that wasn't there before his lips were on yours. you'd been on more than a few dates over the two months you've been—as chan says—putting yourself out there and despite only kissing a couple of times, it seemed he already knew you so goddamn well. “but, no promises i’ll remain professional now that all i can think about is the art we could make while on a canvas.”

he cocked a brow in your direction. “is that the next piece you want?”

“i dunno, it would probably look like a mess.”

he hummed. “nothing that involves you would look like a mess. though it would be funny trying to explain how the piece came about.”

“imagine someone buys it and hangs it in their dinning room.” you pushed yourself onto the surface of the desk, crossing your legs. “eating while looking at where we had sex—though they’d be none-the-wiser to it, really.”

he blushed, despite the bold words that left you momentarily speechless. “i could make it happen, you know i’ve got a lot of paint.”

"oh? then you must want to find out exactly how much i can handle."

his hands went up. “you said it first.”

the rest of the meeting went mildly, despite the fact that you kept gawking as you watched his lips move. you swear you were only half-listening, trying your best not to pounce back on him, just so you could feel the security you had prior, to feel heard and understood even though you weren't saying anything. and maybe part of you wanted him to figure out your boundaries and how far you were willing to go for him.

you knew, ever since august 21st that he was a perfect contrast to you. and before this you never really believed that opposites could attract.

the bus bumped as it hit the curb, sending you out of your thoughts and momentarily into the air. you looked outside, the sun past its highest point, the sky a pale milky-blue that you used to say was your favorite as a kid. your day had run longer than anticipated, causing you to reschedule with the surgeon your bestfriends promised you were keen to meet.

it was the end of autumn, basically winter—the first snowfall a couple of days ago. however, it had melted away with the proximate sun, but there was still a frosty chill that nipped the exposed skin of its' passers. you could see the holiday-cheer in the window displays and wreaths that wrapped the street-lamps, though sometimes you went against the grain, especially on off-days like this one.

you rested your temple against the window, your sighed-out breath reaching and fogging the panel slightly. you watched as your stop came into view, and even debated missing it on purpose before you remembered who you—your best friend’s—had promised to meet. you could picture the relieved smile that would plaster his face, and ultimately it made you feel at ease to know you could be that for him. so, you got from the seat, making your way to the front and out onto the sidewalk without a stumble.

you’d seen a few people while putting yourself out there, jumping head-first into the sea of boys you could call candidates in the race for your heart. and even though one had a collection of clown dolls, another had a foot fetish, and another was obsessed with old people; which was ironic because you were younger than him. you found not one, but two incredible people through those other tragedies—and neither one, to the best of your knowledge, had any weird fetishes (besides the paint, which you were inclined to like as well).

you’d met the surgeon first, on a dating app of all things. He made it very clear that his schedule was hectic within the first introduction, and you made it clear that yours was flexible, you were your own boss after all. but you went against the masses; you liked being by yourself sometimes. you liked not having someone depend on you. you liked that he was honest and happy for it in return. that he listened attentively and always held the door for you.

you, really, liked that he liked you.

he’d come to your place a couple of times already, the first being after the third date you’d been on. you and the surgeon had gone to a bar, one he seemingly visited quite often from the tenders who greeted him in a friendly manner—and though the thought of him having taken girls there before did cross your mind, you, at the time, had no right to be upset.

it was his off-day from the, metaphorically, never dead hospital and at first you half-expected him to have a strange sense of humor. you thought he’d have no problem talking of pus and blood and shit during inappropriate times. however, after each date concluded, he had proven to you that he was just a man—a very overworked and tired man—but one nonetheless. you also appreciated having someone to talk to about your medical-anxieties; mostly on nights where you’d had a little too much wine and were overthinking, self-diagnosing from google. you knew if he was free he’d come over and tell you that you weren’t dying of an incurable disease, holding you close. otherwise he’d step away (provided, he wasn’t busy tending to a patient) and listen to all your worries over the phone, his voice low and comforting.

if you didn’t know any better you’d believe he was in love with you or something—however, you two weren’t even official, let alone close enough to be in love. and besides, he knew you were still weighing out your options with other men, as he was with other women. that other man being a painter, almost opposite of the man you found yourself blushing over (not that you didn’t blush when faced with the artist, because you really did).

you had met the painter shortly after you’d placed an ad on your social media, and door, which stated that you were in need of someone’s paintings to buy to spruce up your space. you had no short list of things suitable for your café and were convinced that no one would seriously inquire. though, here you were, months later with beautiful paintings of anything your heart desired—which he gladly accepted after each meeting. how you two came to go out was no short of a whim, when he awkwardly, yet boldly, asked if you had any plans for the evening. before that, you had thought he was beautiful but kept it professional because you were paying him to paint for your business. your prior interactions were purely transactional on your end, until he flipped the switch and you finally saw him under a different light.

he was nothing less of a gentlemen during the couple of dates where you went to moderately priced restaurants, or short dusk walks around the block. he even took you to his studio where he proceeded to draw a portrait of you like you two were starring in one of those romantic french movies, that you had no time to watch.

you liked him because he spoke his mind, and though his movements were never carefully thought out, you appreciated how his brain worked—you appreciated how he made you feel secure, and the love he had for his craft (though it wasn’t making him as much as the doctor). you liked that he was as simple as you were, never needing or asking for more than he received from you and your hectic business. he looked at you with stars in his eyes and genuinely instilled the feeling of being the only girl in the world.

you liked that he really liked you.

at the end of the day, you felt conflicted, crying over a guilt you didn’t even know why you had—and maybe, you thought, that that was the reason why you felt empty inside; you lacked a love in your life and that’s why you tried so hard to give yourself everything else as a distraction. you were only human, and nature was to crave intimacy—companionship—to feel another person's skin romantically.

you wanted a story-book love and maybe that's why it's taken you so long to even get out into the adult dating scene. you knew you had high-standards, but you've grown up being told to never settle. so why would you start now? maybe, too often, you thought of yourself as the problem, as the person who just couldn't be satisfied no matter how hard someone tried.

the frosty chill sent a shiver over your entire body as you tried to conserve whatever residual heat was left from the enclosure. you were fast-paced while walking the block towards your apartment, keys already in hand and ready to unlock the front gate. it was old-fashioned but somehow it made you feel safer than an electric passcode ever could.

the hinges cried out as you pushed the barrier from your way, trekking the pavement and up the stairs to the fourth floor. yes, you could've taken the elevator, however, the superficial comfort of alone-time was calming you in ways no man ever could.

deep-down, you might’ve wanted the doctor to have been called into work, simply because you weren't sure whether or not you were happy: to be around anyone, to care for anyone, to even be awake right now. and you weren't convinced that the smile you oh-so-adore would change that.

yet, you still couldn't help the twist of your lips when stood next to your door was the puffer-jacket wearing doctor, who to anyone else would look suspicious loitering outside a woman's apartment. his head rested against the plaster of the wall, only becoming level when he heard the familiar clunk of your favorite heeled-boots, which he oddly recognized.

instantly, his back released from the wall and before you had a chance to say something snarky about him waiting for you, he grabbed your bags.

"hi," he whispered out, almost as if your presence was relieving. "sorry for such short notice, i just had a really tough night."

you pressed a gentle kiss to the man's cheek, non-verbally reassuring him that everything was fine. "i'm sorry as well, customers were just spilling in." then, you unlocked the numbered door, stepping in before him. you heard the click of the lock, feeling the presence of someone who was far too close, yet not close enough to call your boyfriend. "but tell me about it now," you said, unzipping your shoes. you finished and turned, taking your bags and waiting for him to either speak or take his own shoes off. he looked unsure. "i want to hear about it. do you want something for dinner, i know it's not technically time for it—but we can order or i can see what i have."

"i'm fine with whatever you want... some fried chicken would be really good right now though."

you laughed, hanging your purse on a hook, and organizing the rest of your miscellaneous things. "don't you know the health risks related to too much fried food? and to think i'd come to you for medical advice." you over-exaggerated. "spicy or not?"

his jacket had come off, taking the free hook by your bag. he smiled, grabbing your waist and pressing a kiss to your lips. "both." he replied against you, attacking again with another few fast kisses, barely giving you time to register the prior ones. "and, i'll pay you back."

"you don't have to, spending time with you is payment enough."

"purely transactional," he grabbed your face, soft hands caressing the skin. "a girl after my own heart."

and you don't know if it was the words, or the tone that made you blush deeper than you should have. but either way it had you shying like a middle-school girl talking to her crush.

you hummed. "you caught me. i only use you for consultations. you're my main medical provider—i say that when that question comes up for adulting shit. honestly, i’m like a walking ad, give me some of your cards, i'll hand them out."

"shut up," he smirked, pushing your lower back so your bodies were closer than before.

"i would say make me, but you'd like that too much."

the mood had switched too easily, and now you couldn't help feeling hot and bothered by the hands you just wanted to slip under your shirt or down—you couldn't help your imagination that was running wild within his tight grip, his muscles flexing against you as you anxiously fidgeted.

his voice was low. "if you're going to use me, at least let it be for something else."

"i think you'd like that too much as well." you lightly pushed him away, though it wasn't because you wanted to, it’s because you knew if you started the two of you wouldn't even make it out of the doorway. "if you want food, you better let me order it."

"what if i'm hungry for something else now?"

your hand covered your mouth, face twisting with a mock-disgust, "what are you? a sixteen year old virgin? that was so cringey! what if i'm hungry for someth—"

his lips were pressed to yours in an instant, making do with your offer to be shut up as he cut you off mid-sentence. and as much as you knew he liked it, you did too.

seungcheol pushed you back, hitting the empty wall a little forcefully, but his hand connected with the back of your head before the plaster did.

it was the little things that made your stomach twist. the little acts of service you weren’t accustomed to before meeting. he was everything to you: comfort, strength, yearning.

your lips molded together as if they were made for each other. your hands gripping into the strands at the base of his skull, and pulling gently—just enough to get a sound out of the man. he groped your waist, dragging you impossibly closer to his body. you were breathless and unbearably hot, pulling away with his bottom lip still in between your teeth.

“cheol…” he pushed his head into the crook of your neck, kissing and sucking the sensitive skin under your ear. you whimpered, but still trudged a sentence out. “we have to stop—n-not in the doorway. have some class.”

but one thing about the surgeon was, he always liked a little bit of a challenge. and he thought you were his best match. also, he knew you were lying just as much as you did.

he trailed his lips over your collarbone, pulling the shirt down to make his path easier. his other hand was pushing up from the bottom, cool skin grazing against your stomach. your chest was rising and falling quickly, head lolling against the wall behind you. he chuckled against your skin, slipping the hand under your shirt and over your bra before palming you.

his lips were now against where his hands just grazed, shirt pushed up into the base of your neck. you fought with the noises that unintentionally fell off your tongue. your body was aflame, lit by, no doubt, the likes of him.

your hands threaded his hair, as he popped the button on your jeans. you pushed him back, eyes meeting yours with a questioning look; as if to ask if you wanted him to go on.

and more than half of you did. however, there was a voice from the corner of your mind that demanded you stop, that flashed pictures of commitment, and rings, and hearts across the scene in front of you. a part of you that you only ever wanted to curse.

you actually felt a little nauseous now, heart beating so overwhelmingly fast you could pass out. you wanted to give him whatever he wanted, so you honestly don’t know why you didn’t.

seungcheol would always push himself aside to aid your needs before his own. maybe it was the doctor in him, but he just cared too much to see you uncomfortable—unsure—by his doing. he wanted you, but he’d wait until you were 100% sure as well.

he stood up, letting your shirt fall back down and kissing you less urgently than before.

“let’s order some chicken now, and you can tell me about your day instead.”

“okay…” you breathed out. he fixed your outfit, re-buttoning your jeans and smoothing over your hair. he laughed as he did, taking your phone from your pocket and holding it out for you, before you admitted. “i forgot what we wanted.”

your mind was still a little hazy with the feeling of him still on your skin, you could feel the tingling where his lips once connected. you could smell the intoxicating cologne he used to cover up the sterilization of the hospital.

“i’ll order it.” he said, taking his phone out instead, typing away on an app he already had downloaded. you thought it a little intimate that he knew your address without looking, but you brushed that under the rug—especially because nothing could get more intimate than what was still coursing adrenaline through your veins.

he stole glanced at you, looking with adoration. you couldn’t tell if it was from him liking having such control over your body, or because of something else. and truthfully, you wouldn’t mind it being the latter over the gravity of him having real feelings for you.

you left him to follow you through your apartment and into the open-concept kitchen. he sat on a barstool that was neatly placed by the island, putting his keys on the marble, as well as his phone.

"It estimated 35 minutes."

you nodded, leaning against the countertop across from his sights. "are you going to tell me about work?" you asked, because quite frankly it was easy to tell he was trying to mask his feelings since you got the text this morning. "you said it was a stressful night, wouldn't you rather sleep than even see me?"

"no, actually I wouldn't." that took you by surprise, momentarily making your eyes widen. "and truthfully, I don't sleep much anyways. I have weird shifts so often that I can't acclimate to any sleep-schedule. I probably haven't slept more than 4 hours since grad school."

"damn," you sighed out, walking over to the man. you weren't sure what your intentions were, but it just felt right to comfort him. "that's gotta be tough. I really can't imagine." you threaded your fingers into his hair, and he leaned into the touch.

"it's okay," he sighed out. "we just lost a patient today—one of our cancer ones. we've had her since she was two, since i was a first-year resident. ten tough years, she was so strong, so young. i still can't believe it."

“oh my god, cheol,” you voiced. “that’s awful. i’m so sorry. she’s in a better place now—wherever that may be—i just know it.”

he looked up at you, adoration mixed with sadness. there were stars that met your pupils, and you swear you could make a wish if you wanted to.

“you know,” he started, feeling as your hands dropped around his shoulders. “i don’t know what—i, um, can i tell you something? you don’t have to say anything back.” you hummed a small yes to him, alarms (or maybe bells?) going off inside your head. his hands rested on your arms as he leaned into you, eyes falling closed. you swear he could hear the thump in your chest, and you don’t know if you wanted that to discourage him or encourage him to spew it out faster.

“i think i love you.”

“what.”

you weren’t sure if you were more surprised by the fact that you didn’t jolt away in shock or by what he said next.

“no, i know i love you.” your face was beat red, and he refused to open his eyes for whatever reason. “i know it’s a lot, i’m sorry. we’re not even dating, but i just, i don’t know, i want it to be official—i want you to be my girlfriend.”

for a second, your heart was lit up with fireworks, butterflies swarming your insides. you, for a second, wanted that too. you wanted him to be your boyfriend, but you ultimately were scared of that commitment—hell, you don’t even know why you started to date in the first place if not with this in mind. you knew deep down that you weren’t actually ready to not just have fun without the strings attached.

the cliche was to say that's it's not you, it's me and you all but said it. it felt like he had more pieces of you than you wanted him to—or maybe you did, you weren't fully sure—you feared that that fact would soon start to eat at the depths of your brain, convince you of anything but innocence.

you wanted to be wanted, but you wanted to be loved more than anything. so, why didn't it look good to you? why couldn't you let him be the silver lining you've been waiting for. why couldn't this surgeon be the one to stitch up your heart?

and maybe you knew the answer deep down as you sat alone.

seungcheol had left, after he read you like a picture book. he left you in a state of comatose you didn't think he could—one you didn't think would cut so deep—and you still hoped that he wasn't the one left lost.

part of you didn't want him to search an empty room with the thought of finding you. but the other part wanted to be sat in a dark corner just awaiting his arms around you.

you felt an emptying feeling before it all crashed into the lower depths of your stomach. nausea, as you scrambled to the bathroom with hopes of choking the bile back down before it hit the floor. and you felt like you just barely made it, sitting against the cold tile, knees to your chest and head down on them.

you thought about situations in your past that would've made you deserve to feel a deep despair—one that was currently debilitating—like a half-dug grave with the shovel still in your hand. you felt hopeless. you always knew, at the end of the day, you'd be your own undoing, but you prayed that that day would’ve never come like it has, unfortunately, now.

your chest was tight, your eyes on fire. you thought you were getting better, you thought you were finally healed enough to get back out there. but maybe you only got better at pretending. maybe through opened doors you got better at lying. however, now you can’t tell if the lies get better the more times they’re worn, or if they’re simply just overused.

you thought about the little girl again—the one that would be looking up at you right now—and cried harder because you didn’t want her to realize that she was the only person who ruined everything every time.

maybe you were destined to be alone. maybe your red string wasn't tethered to anyone. it would cut deep, but maybe knowing wouldn't kill you. maybe you could find peace with yourself, watching your bloodline wither away. maybe, at the end of your life, you could look back and not have any regrets because at least you did try.

you felt as if walking on broken glass could hurt less and less the more times you do it—isn't that what getting used to something is all about? truthfully, you didn't know, and weren't sure you actually wanted to, because what's truly worse, being wanted and not loved, or loved and not wanted? it's a question you often asked, but the best manipulation you got was from yourself; no one can hurt you like you can.

you knew every way to pick apart your brain. your insecurities were your bittersweet company. you knew them all by name. where strangers weren't welcome, they walked freely. you hated them, but the ghosts haunting you, pretty lights couldn't cast out.

you felt like the world was moving too fast, and you were being left behind. you wanted to just stand still, if only for a second. a luxury you never got throughout the growing pains. and just as you were getting a taste, you ripped it away from yourself.

you wanted to force yourself to give in to your not-so-hidden desires. you wanted to be loved, and someone who you evidently feel strongly about has admitted just that. in reality, it shouldn't be this hard. you shouldn't be as dramatic as a middle school girl's first breakup.

but still deep down, you felt like it wouldn’t be right to accept him. at least, not without talking to the painter first. you felt like you owed him that much, even if neither men were technically yours—and you them—you still felt guilty for wanting love from someone while also wanting it from someone else.

spoiled for choice or by choice? and the fact that you had to choose was killing you, because you’d had such different, non-comparable times with them that it seemed unfair to try and weigh them both equally.

you know yourself, and right now you know you’d choose the surgeon, but if faced with the artist all that would go out the window. it was circumstantial who you felt closest to, and you hated (and loved) that fact with the entirety of your being.

maybe that’s why you felt eaten alive—diving head first into the lion's den, with only the wish to be paralyzed by the fall. maybe, you thought, if you couldn’t feel anything it would all magically become easier. but, you were an adult, with supposed adult-feelings. you were supposed to be able to maturely take on battles, and resolve them with your dignity still intact. however, you felt anything but strong right now.

your fingers grasped for your phone, and you looked at the illuminated time—seungkwan and chan would still be cleaning your store, and right now you felt like you needed your best friends to clear your head before it consumed you.

you got off the floor with much fight, your knees weak and spine anything but straight. you felt heavy, and you weren’t sure if it was the guilt or if you just had never noticed before. either way, you trekked on, memories of the last hour flashing through your head like a badly timed slideshow. you ended up sat at the front door, fighting with the zipper on your shoes. you went to grab your purse when you realized that a—as much familiar as unfamiliar—garment was hanging on the hook next to it; the surgeons, right where he left it before his hands roamed your body for what felt like all the time in the world, but not enough.

“fuck.” you cursed under your breath, a shiver running over your skin. “i—fuck.”

it was the only words that you could seem to manage, despite trying so hard to form an actual sentence that encapsulated your feelings. maybe if you could say it to yourself, you could say it to him, but that was a harder task then made out to be in movies and TV shows (you never had time to watch).

you practically couldn’t even remember how you got from point A to point B, but here you were, keys in hand, standing directly in front of the glass door with a mournful look that reflected. you barely caught the jaw-dropped stare chan gave you before smacking seungkwan to get his attention.

for a moment you wondered what went through their heads, what they thought happened to you; no doubt it was going to be more dramatic than needed, but you expected nothing less, and honestly, you felt nothing less.

you were frozen, like the air, when the younger of them came and opened the door with the broom still clad between his left hand.

“what the hell happened to you?” he asked.

seungkwan came running over, finally realizing that you weren’t playing a trick on the two of them, and it was actually bad news that was making your body shake.

he took your hand, dropping the washcloth on the way to an empty (and presumably clean, if they were getting their jobs done properly) table. he took the stool down, and pushed you into it. and just as his hands left your shoulders, you felt something snap. it could’ve been because of their presence that your water pipe was now cracked and seeping down your face, however you really couldn’t tell at that moment in time. all that was playing on your mind was the three words that shouldn’t be so complicated. it felt like a foreign language as it played across your heart, one you could only try to understand, much less repeat back. it felt too easy that it was beyond difficult; a trick question you didn’t want the answer to.

maybe if you were more secure, you told yourself, maybe if you liked your life a little more it wouldn't all be replaying like a fucking horror movie when you blinked—even if only for a millisecond.

"he said he loved me."

it's like a bomb dropped for them, however a weight lifted off your tiring shoulders. “h-he said he loves me and i—i”

“and, you’re not sure?”

no, you’re not sure. you’re not sure what love’s supposed to feel like. you’re not sure if seungcheol is even it. you’re not sure how many times you’ve thought about it on lonely nights you wished you had someone to wrap up into. you’re not sure he actually loves you despite offering no opposition to it. you’re not sure, simply because you don’t want to be; you knew that and you hated it.

“i—i don’t know,” you stated, wiping the drops off your under eyes. “he’s perfect, really, but i—i don’t know.”

seungkwan cocked an eyebrow in chan’s direction, who looked awfully like a mother: arms crossed over his chest with the broom still in hand. they weren’t convinced you were telling them the truth, but honestly, you had no idea what that would even begin to look like in their eyes.

you should have your shit together, you were almost 30 for fucks sake, however you still lived by the saying ‘better late than never’ like it wasn’t getting too late. you’ve lived being brushed under the rug, in blissful ignorance of the passing times. sure, you’ve achieved almost everything you wanted as a teenager, but there was still a lingering fear in your heart, one that penetrated every corner and crept with uncertainty. you didn’t question whether you were able to be loved, but if you deserved it—especially from the surgeon or painter, who seemed so keen to.

a blunt smack to the face, metaphorically, woke you from your dooming thoughts. “y/n,” seungkwan deadpanned, taking the chair next to you and leaning in. “in your grown-ass age, you’re acting like a kid. if you’re unsure, you should talk about it like adults, running away won’t fix anything—and it’ll just leave you alone forever—as much as we love you, we’re not taking care of you in the retirement home, so you better find a man that will.”

you looked to chan who was nodding slightly. “you deserved to be loved. whether that be the surgeon or someone else. okay?”

you bit your lip, taking into account what they’ve said, and mixing it with your own feelings; a bitter taste left on your tongue. you debated telling them about your situationship with a business partner, however somewhere deep down you think they already knew somehow. they all but said you have to follow your heart to truly be happy: something they knew you craved, rubbing up against all else.

you slowly agreed non-verbally. you've come to a decision, and whether it is a good one, only time will tell.

you chose yourself.

and this time, you find yourself face to face with a crusty-white door that you knew led into a basement. your hand went up to knock, and it's as if the resident knew you were outside because it creaked open. you’ve been met with the painter more than countless times, but at this moment, you felt like your heart was sitting at your feet on the frozen concrete.

"i-i tried upstairs, but you didn't answer, so i just assum—"

he stepped aside. "come in."

you shut up your explanation and followed directions, stepping over the trim and into his studio. you were overwhelmed with the intoxicating smell of paint, looking around at the walls that were covered in acrylic abstracts, oil flowers or chalk portraits. there were multiple canvases that were set on the floor, half-done and partially covered by tarps.

it wasn't the first time you've seen his studio, but it somehow had gotten even more cramped than that time; when you anxiously thought of ways to organize it.

"are you okay? you never come here unannounced."

you stumbled inside your head, foggy was an understatement now that you were actually looking at a third of your problem. "i just needed to see you, i-i need to talk to you about something—it's important, i swear. i'm sorry for just showing up."

"don't be sorry, it's why i told you my address." he pulled a stool form under his sharpie covered desk, brushing it off for you to sit on. "it must be important as you can't even stand properly. sit down, you haven't even looked at me once since coming in."

you hadn't realized. "i'm sorry," you mumbled, forcing your eyes to level on him as you collapsed against the stool. you were sober (unfortunately), but it felt as if you were full speed drunk-driving.

"stop apologizing unless you have something to be sorry for." he said, sitting in front of you, trying to garner your attention. "do you have something that warrants an apology, y/n?"

you remained silent, and you swore you could feel the air stop moving as if it was all sucked out of the room. the way he stared at you made you look through him like a window, because you were afraid that it wouldn't end well if anything else. your anxiety mimicked a hypoglycemic reaction, and you felt the need to hold onto something to steady yourself. you were becoming as predictable as the rain during the months of march and may.

you needed him, but you needed someone else too.

you thought a decision could be easy. you'd choose whoever piqued your interest better, but it didn't help that they were both so damn pretty, and nice and caring. they were perfect for you—both of them—in different ways. you were forced to imagine a future with both, and it made you sick to your stomach.

maybe the fact that one of them would inevitably hate you if you broke it off, especially to be exclusive with a different man, kept you shaken. you hated that you had to meet them romantically instead of platonically, because now that you couldn't have both, you feared you'd get none at all in the end.

would the memory become unbearable if you broke the surgeon's heart? would the painter even care if you told him it wasn't working out?

you should go with the one who confessed his love to you as you comforted him in the kitchen of your apartment—but, unfortunately, you can see the way vernon had stars in his eyes, bargaining with them for more than just half of your heart. He wanted to support you in whatever you did, but he knew he met you before anyone else ever did.

your voice came without warning. "d-do you love me, too?" you meant to ask the deafening question only in the confines of your own head.

"too?"

"what?"

"do you love me, too?" he reiterated, your face losing all color. "t-that's what you said. do you love me, too. does that mean you love me too, or that someone else loves you?"

"too?" you all but shouted in his face. "does that mean you love me too, o-or—"

"y/n, i know what i said."

you felt foolish stuttering, but if you imagined the way you probably looked, it couldn't be more embarrassing.

"o-oh."

he was acting more mature than you, just as the surgeon did not even hours ago, reading you like he wrote the words to begin with. you'd been shocked close to a couple heart attacks today, and you wondered why on a monday of all days shit had to hit the fan. but the storm had been brewing for a while, and the humidity was only the first tell.

the room was now left as if no one was in it. you swear you could hear sirens all the way across the city if you focused hard enough. your lip was now raw, and you could taste slight metal from how much you'd been chewing on it. you hated how good the plastic covered couches looked, the piquet fence and three-kid family people strived so fucking hard for. you thought you were fine sitting in the backseat of a car heading full speed for a cliff, because in the mirror you really thought you looked happy enough. if you could turn back time to monday last week, you weren't convinced you wouldn't do it without hesitation.

you hated how you held the knife that just kept piercing you. and you wondered if one of them could be the one to finally pry it from your cold hands, to finally warm them. your innocence was weakness, and it finally made you realize that you were older; that you, yourself, was your own worst enemy.

you knew you'd sit in silence until he had the courage to break it, simply because you were certain you couldn't. the sad song was writing itself so well; if only you let your heart listen to the millions of thoughts swirling your dream. you could go left or right, but there was no turning around anymore.

he was soft against the air, and you audibly heard a hurt in his voice that you felt you didn't deserve to cry over, "you meant that there's another guy who loves you... too."

you were taking all the bliss for granted, because the moment it was ripped from under your feet your thoughts became erratic. and truthfully, you know it's because you're selfishly still holding on.

you're still convinced you feel the same way towards them both. you're still convinced that it's one sided: that you don't—can't—love too. you're still scared that this will be too much for you in the end and you'll be left alone. you were convinced that the only way was to love or leave. you told yourself there was no in between two thin lines, no shades of gray between black and white. you thought that there had to be a definitive answer that you kept running away from.

and you didn't want to run anymore. you were tired; tired of being alone, tired of having to feel sick every time someone you cared so deeply about crossed your mind. you were a terrible person for leading yourself down into the wreck and bringing both of them with you.

you were honestly going to break it off with the artist for the security of the surgeon.

when you were walking over, you came up with ways to defend the intentions that seemed cruel, rehearsing the lines that went in one ear and out the other. you faced him and your heart raced. you felt guilty because you knew you couldn't give either of them the answer they wanted without hurting someone in the crossfire. they both loved you, and it made your chest tight with the thought: a continuous loop you found yourself circling and circling until you were dizzy.

the surgeon had you wrapped around his finger, so desperate for him, and you mistook it for blind devotion. but the artist worshiped the ground you stepped on, you think he'd walk through hell to restore you to humanity. they’d (evidently) do anything to see a smile on your face.

you watched as he stood up, paced the room in search of something momentarily. then he found it. closed between his forefinger and thumb was a starch colored paper, black fingerprints and smudges all over it. he brought it back, you catching a glimpse of soft features drawn so carefully it couldn't possibly be how he saw you. he handed the portrait to you as he began speaking, explaining his actions. "if you're going to break it off with me for him, it's okay, but just take this then. i can't bear the thought of it—of you being so close yet so far out of reach." he sent a shiver down your spine. "you'd haunt me, y/n." but now you were convinced he saw you more beautifully than jealous hades did persephone, and it made you believe that maybe the love that blooms could be as serendipitous as cupid and psyche. an untainted white-rose could sprout from the ashes of the past. all you had to do was give him the answer he was so easily pulling from you.

nonetheless the guilt felt for seungcheol wouldn't outweigh it, because you like him too much. in a different, more primal way, in comparison to the romantics vernon showered you with. your heart raced in adrenaline for the feeling of the surgeon's hands on your body, whereas the sight of the painter's lips set you on fire. you wanted them both hopelessly... but for different reasons that all went back to the same feeling: love. if you'd be so much as damned, the complications it implied, despite craving it until you found yourself debilitated in your bed, wishing on every lucky star you could find. you pictured yourself falling, free-falling just to chase a feeling, until you hit the water-stained concrete.

you loved him—and it hurt so much to have to hurt someone else. but an obstacle is still an obstacle no matter the shape or form.

he roped your attention back to him, his finger brushing a stray piece of hair back into place on your head. it was always the little things, the small inconvenient actions that solidified your heart in stone. you were veering off to the side, signal on and ready to turn.

you ignored feeling some type of way because you didn't want to end up hurting anyone in the process, but you've come to learn that nothing is actually free in this world, and you must make sacrifices for the greater good.

for yourself.

you deserved to be happy, you deserved to feel feelings, you deserved to be loved (whether that be by one, both or none of the men). you deserved to be wanted, and it's about time you are.

it was a rainy night, the storm finally hitting. you didn't want to be the bad guy, and that's what you're afraid you'd become for him. maybe you were just too nice. you wondered how your best friends could be so ruthless, yet still looked upon fondly. you wondered if you didn't end up loving, would he hate you?

would seungcheol hate you?

you wondered what his diagnosis for you would be this time: delirium? broken heart syndrome? delusion? would he imagine you running back to him in a couple months, fantasizing that you'd realize you made the wrong decision? you didn't want him to feel lost, but in the end you were the one without the compass.

the tears came without warning—so much for holding them back, because you didn't feel you deserved to cry when you're the one creating the problem for yourself. you dug the grave, and the saying always ends with the perpetrator lying in it. this time, you just hoped it was big enough for two.

"y/n," vernon began, gently holding his palms to either side of your face. "you have to do what's best for you."

you sniffled. "but—but what if that's not what's best for you?"

"why are you thinking of me? or him?" he asked, crouching down to be level with you. "stop doing that and just listen to yourself."

and for once, you did, giving in to desire to want him to want you. you leaned in quickly, his hands still on your cheeks as you pressed a kiss to his lips. he pulled away after a second, completely shocked that you did that without being prompted. but, somehow, you felt calmer than the last couple of weeks had you.

you were laying it all out on the table right now, and you just hoped he'd pick your card, like you just did his.

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