#seriously we always have some kind of an argument and it's super entertaining (for us and probably not anyone else)

[r04ch4ch3]

I love my friend and our autistic bonding time. She's amazing.

[internalsealpanic]

What’s Wrong with Superman?

Summary: Flyman is a really stupid name.

a/n: I got a little excited so here’s my entry for @redhoodssweetheart​ ‘s writing challenge. If you’re a fic writer, I highly recommend joining.  This is for Quotes #1 This fic is based on the Superman Man of Tomorrow movie so it may not make sense otherwise.

Warnings: Reader is a bendy person so the physical descriptions will be weird and there will be some nsfw language but nothing happens.

masterlist

"What's wrong with superman?"  You ask, raising your feet up over your head and resting them against Clark's wall. The blood rushes to your head but you couldn't find the energy to care, not when the work day had you drained and aching. You're just happy to stretch your limbs and contort in angles that would loosen them. You need to convince your supervisor to transfer you to a different division.

"It's kinda..."  Clark waves his hand. "Yanno..."

Eloquent. You raise a brow at him telling him exactly what you thought about his solid argument.

"How about Flyman?" He says quickly.

"Ah yes, like the illustrious Batman but somehow worse." You say, turning onto your belly and nearly knocking over the things on Clark's bedside table. You shrug innocently. You shift, putting your feet over your shoulders as you think. "How about uuuuuh Captain Barbel?"

"Why?"

"Cus the guy could chuck them at people real easy." You answer simply. Clark really can't tell whether it was your excessive fidgeting or your monumental leap in logic that entertained him more.

He snorts, "That sounds like a dumb gimmick."

"So is being called Flyman." You huff.

"Careful, you're gonna hurt my feelings." Clark huffs in return, shaking his head as he grabs your favorite mug and one for himself. He has no idea how this specific mug was lucky but he's learned not to question a scientist's superstitions. Though he suspected it had less to do with actual superstition rather that you didn't want to admit that you just found the little cow-shaped mug adorable. He'll have time to tease you about it later. For now, he had to figure out this conundrum.

"If I was concerned about that, I would have pronounced Kansas properly by now." You say, sitting up to face him properly.

"What would you call him? Seriously." Clark says, resting against the kitchen counter. He's watching you with a hint of fond frustration. His leg bounces against the floor, fingers tapping on the linoleum countertop.

"Hmmmm," You purse your lips and lean forward- elbows on your lap, fingers laced together, and chin resting on your hands.  "Wonder Man?"

Clark's handsome face breaks into an incredulous smile. "Pfft, you’re joking right?"

"I have never made a joke in my life." You grin, taking the cup of coffee from Clark and scooting over to make room for him. You shrug. "There is a reason I'm not in advertising but seriously I think you should just go with superman."

"And give Lois the satisfaction?" Clark asks over the rim of his mug. He raises his brow.

"Think about it."

"Rather not."

You push on, ignoring him."If you popularize it, guess who gets the credit?"

"Are you telling me to steal?" Clark gapes at you and the mischievous glint and his blue eyes make laughter bubble in your chest.

You blow out a breath into the neck of your sweater. Well, his sweater up until 2 months ago. "Nope. You're the one interpreting it that way."

"Your boss is rubbing off on you."

"Oh, don't remind me."

"How about Captain Marvel?" He suggests, wrapping around his arm around your shoulder. You can smell the caramelized sugar in his coffee. You blanch.

"Oh. So you want a lawsuit."

"No..." A complicated expression takes over his face. His lips purse to one side as he thinks. You wait patiently for his answer, snuggling up to his side.   "How's it working at star labs by the way?" He says finally and you just had to love the clumsy way Clark tries to redirect conversations. He needs to get better at that if he wants to be a reporter. Then again, he's never failed to get an answer out of you with the earnest look in his eyes.

"I'm supposed to be in the engineering division, yeah?"

He nods before resting his face in your hair.

"Yeah, yeah. Him. Blegh." You wrinkle your nose and stick out your tongue, waving your hand in the air as if to shoo a thought away.

"But they stuck me with checking on that asshole biker wannabe..." You sigh.

"Lobo?" He asks, his voice rising a bit. Clark's grip in the mug tightens a bit but he has enough presence of mind not to break the mug.

"Well, did he say anything?" Clark asks, adjusting his glasses.

You squint. "My name isn't going on the paper."

"It won't." He says flat and steady. And you know you can trust him because, well, it's Clark.

You give him a crooked smile. "Nothing useful really. How much patience do you have for shitty pick up lines?"

Clark stiffens. "He was hitting on you?" He squares his shoulders. You see his jaw tighten and you think you can hear him grind his teeth. God, he's cute when he gets like this.

"He was hitting on anything with two legs."

And he was. Well, not really. You honestly couldn't really tell what his category for this thing was but you're pretty sure Clark doesn't care. He seems to care more about the fact that Lobo was hitting on you judging from the way he's borderline pulling you into his lap. You, frankly, were more concerned about what weird category you fit in to catch his eye.

"Maybe if I go with you next time..."

"You're cute Clark but I'm not sneaking you in there for a story." You pat his cheek.  Clark pouts at you. You try your best not to squeal at how cute he is. You fail.

"Let me come in with you." He presses.

"Honestly, it’s fiiiiiiiiiiine. Nothing I can’t handle."

He still looks unconvinced.

Clark buries his face deeper into your hair. "Hmmmmm, he sounds like an a- a jerk." He grumbles into your hair. You will get Clark to swear at some point.

You're extremely amused by Clark's behavior.  You wrap an arm around him. "Clark, he is quite literally contained in a cage I helped design. He is not getting out."

"Should I tell him I have a boyfriend and show him a picture of you?"

Clark's face goes ashen.  "Don't tell me you've done that before." That would explain so much.

"Then I won't." You laugh. That sound sends butterflies fluttering in his stomach no matter how many times he's heard it.

"I’d still feel better if I could come with you." He sigh. You would be lying if you said that you wouldn't feel better with Clark accompanying you. Sure, he wasn't Heracles but Clark was no pushover contrary to the shy demeanor. But... admitting that kind of thing was... not something you're comfortable with or used to so you let it settle like the cheap coffee in your mug.

"It’s really not necessary."  And Clark knows from the frequency of your heartbeat that you're lying. He knows you well enough to let it go. You kiss his cheek.  "But thank you, you’re disgustingly sweet."

You kiss him again. "Sides, I think he's just bored." Your eyes brighten, a memory resurfacing. Clark watches with interest, knowing there's a 50-50 chance that it's something like the material of Lobo's shoe. "Get this he says that superman guy is a kryptonian. Sadly, when I asked him the typical anthropology question he made farting noises." You tilt your head. "Well, he did say they were a good lay and... well the super guy was hung."

Red blooms on Clark's cheeks as he sputters out a response. You squish his face with your hands. You love messing with Clark way too much. You really should feel bad that look on Clark's face was priceless.

"Oh relax Clark, we both know my type is small town dork and not man from the moon." You giggle.

Clark kind of hates you sometimes.  He hates how easily you throw him off balance. Clark rights himself but he can't quite get rid of the blush dusting his cheeks. "Did he say anything else?" He asks, face still squished.

Unable to stop your giggling, you put your hands away. "Well, he called our mystery streaker a pretty boy."

"Very relevant."

"Yanno..." You drawl, taking Clark's glasses off. "yanno if you push that hair out of your face you'd look pretty good too."

Clark swats your hand away. You pout at him.

He looks at you wearily. "I like my hair how it is." He mumbles, fiddling with it.

"I'm not gonna cut it you dork. I just want proof that you have a forehead." You say, brushing some of his hair out of his face. Clark really does scream handsome when given the chance.

There's a flicker of recognition in the back of your mind that has your pulse quickening. Clark can already see the pieces falling into place, your mind whirring to get the answer.

His mind sprints to keep up and counteract the flow of your thoughts. Clark leans forward and kisses you softly. Without needing to open his eyes, he knows your mind is short-circuiting. Affection was a sure-fire way to get your mind to slow down. It was dumb but you really should be allowed to be dumb sometimes. Especially now when Clark isn't exactly sure how your feel about the mystery streaker.

You laugh your easy chirpy laugh sure but that didn't guarantee you were on board with an alien of all things. He wasn't even sure if you would think of him as any more than a test subject. No, he knew you too well to think that but there's still some part of him that isn't entirely sure and it scares him.

"Behave," he says, his face in a grin. The expression lights up his face. The smug satisfaction of finally catching you wrong-footed fills up Clark's features and shapes them into something borderline evil. "Tell me more about Lobo and his ramblings."

You shake your head. You mumble some version of “I always behave”.  You know Clark's hiding something from you. You can see it in the delicate way he's looking at you. You purse your lips deciding whether this is a good time to push but in the end, you decide to let him keep his secrets for now. If Clark of all people has a reason to keep a secret then it must be important. You brush your lips against his before laying your offer on the table. "A kiss per story."

Clark stares at you. "I can live with that." Clark huffs, adjusting his glasses.

[quinntheebrain]

Hi there! I was wondering if you could do a jealous bokuto x f!reader (preferably if not then gn! is fine). Like he gets jealous of his bby and kuroo getting along really well... a little too well lmao. Anyways, I hope your day/night is going great ya wonderful person <3

Pairing: Jealous!Bokuto Kōtarō x fem!reader

Warnings: implied alcohol use, a temporarily sad Bokuto, Ummm I curse????

A/N: *deep heavy sigh* I looked over this 1000x lmfao. I’m used to writing fics and not hcs, so they’re probably not the best (I gotta stop doubting myself). I’m always so nervous to share my writings, but this a learning process! Thanks for being my first request. It’s been a while since I wrote anything seriously and shared it. I really hope you enjoy it :) Also, somebody else (who I can’t think of rn) hc that Bokuto doesn’t drink, I just agree wholeheartedly. 

Oh, my precious baby Bokuto. He’s so cute it hurts🥺. 

He gets jealous easily. 

He’s so lively that people naturally gravitate toward him. So, he’s used to being the center of attention. 

Even though the only person’s attention he really cares about is yours.

Bokuto loves the way you look at him when he makes you smile. He loves the feeling of just being in your presence.

So, when he sees you and Kuroo smiling and laughing from across the bar he’s irritated. 

And when the two of you get a little too close for comfort, he’s fuming

...but for some reason, I feel like he wouldn’t say anything

Now, Bokuto would normally shut that shit down instantly.

But it’s Kuroo, his closest friend. He doesn’t want any kind of confrontation. He doesn’t want to cause a scene (I believe Bokuto could beat Kuroo’s ass)

So, he says nothing and instead spends the night alternating between super soft/affectionate and super distant. 

He’ll bring it up in private though. Half-jokingly asking if you’d prefer Kuroo to him. 

And when the conversation turns serious 

Don’t invalidate his feelings, don’t make him feel crazy. (he’ll curl up in a ball and it will be a long time before he opens up to you again)

RE-AS-SUR-ANCE!!!!!!!! He needs it; he will die without it. Please just tell this boy how much you love him. 

And please believe he doesn’t blame you alone. He talks to Kuroo after he talks to you.

Because next time, Bokuto won’t be so nice :)

This is the third time Kuroo has put his arm around you; Bokuto is counting. He watches you from across the room as he holds a conversation with Akaashi; though, at this point, his friend’s words are nothing more than background noise. 

You are supposed to be with them, but once Kuroo challenges you to a drinking contest, Bokuto knows it’s a lost cause. You promise to join him shortly and though he doesn’t believe you, he nods as if he does. Unlike you, and most of his friends, Bokuto doesn’t drink; he just doesn’t like the taste, but he wants you to have a good time. So, he goes to sit with Akaashi by himself but not before leaning down and pulling you into a soft kiss. Bokuto’s large palm caresses your cheek as his mouth moves delicately against your own; It’s quick and gentle, but it’s effective. His lips linger on yours just long enough to leave you wanting more; it’s a reminder that he’ll be waiting for you. 

But, 15 minutes have passed and you’re still glued to Kuroo’s side. 

Now, you’re a giggling mess, teasing one of your boyfriend’s closest friends, who seems to be enjoying the attention a little too much. The rest of their volleyball buddies watch and laugh, most of them far too inebriated to find anything wrong with the way the two of you are interacting. Bokuto, on the other hand, finds everything wrong with it. He watches you with narrow eyes and tightly clenched fists, trying his hardest to keep his composure.

“Your jealousy is showing,” Akaashi smirks at his best friend; Bokuto hasn’t been listening to a word he says. He wants to tease him about it but now doesn’t seem like the time. “Why don’t you just tell them it’s bothering you?” 

“They’re not doing it on purpose,” Bokuto sighs as he unclenches his fists, wiggling his fingers to crack his knuckles. “Besides, there was a time she couldn’t even be in the same room as Kuroo. I’m glad they’re friends now and if I say something I might ruin it.” he looks away from you and instead focuses on the ground. 

“Forget about Kuroo,” Akaashi says, slightly irritated. “What about you? If you don’t talk to her, you might ruin your relationship. You don’t want to harbor resentment toward the one you love,” Akaashi glances at Bokuto, who is unable to reply. They stand in silence for a short time. Akaashi doesn’t want to bombard Bokuto with advice; he knows that sometimes, a few thoughtful words are enough. “Look, it’ll be okay. I have to go.” Akaashi pats Bokuto’s shoulder, leaving him alone to think about the situation. 

Bokuto is truly happy that you and Kuroo have finally learned to get along but deep down, a part of him wishes the two of you never stopped the incessant bickering; part of him wishes that you still disliked Kuroo and he disliked you. Maybe, the petty arguments were nothing but an attempt to mask the attraction you felt toward each other but honestly, that’s what Bokuto would prefer. Because what’s happening now — you and Kuroo openly fawning over each other — is driving him crazy. 

I’m just imagining things, he thinks to himself. Maybe, there is no real meaning to the way the two of you are carrying on; but, watching as Kuroo embraces you in a hug that lingers a little longer than it should doesn’t ease his mind. Your face buried into Kuroo’s chest, his hands pressed firmly against your lower back as he rocks you side to side, it’s a bit more than Bokuto can handle. The thought of you in someone else’s arms so intimately bothers him, and pulling out your phone to take Kuroo’s contact info is the icing on the cake. 

Still, you’d never know how much it affects Bokuto because he approaches you like there’s nothing wrong, and though he tugs you away from Kuroo rather possessively, he does it with the brightest smile. “Alright, ready babe?” He looks down to you with those golden eyes, glimmering with adoration as he places a kiss on your forehead. You nod ‘yes’ quickly. “See you later, bro.” you both wave at his friends once more before the two of you exit the bar. 

A weight lifts from Bokuto’s shoulders as the door shuts behind him; the absence of his best friend shouldn’t put him at ease, but it does. Still, Bokuto has another problem. 

You don’t want to harbor resentment toward the one you love. Akaashi’s words play in his head like a broken record. If he doesn’t settle this now, he never will. His insecurities will continue to fester until he can no longer look at you the same.

“You and Kuroo were pretty cozy tonight,” he fakes a chuckle as he peers at you from the corner of his eye. “I’m glad you two are so close now.”

“Cozy?” you scrunch up your face. You could count the number of times Kuroo touched you on one hand (which was still too many for Bokuto).  You will admit that you spent an unusual amount of time with Kuroo, but he’s more entertaining when he’s drunk; it’s actually your favorite time to be around him. “Hardly. If anything,” you pause, “Wait a minute. Ko, are you jealous?” you manage to suppress your smile, but there's a hint of amusement in your tone. 

He doesn’t answer your question; it’s embarrassing enough to even be feeling this way and for you to call him out so quickly only makes it worse. He takes a deep breath, “Y/N,” Bokuto’s voice is barely above a whisper. “Do you ever think you’d be better off with Kuroo? I mean the two of you actually have a lot in common, and I just think-” the words sound crazy now that he’s finally saying them out loud. 

“No,” you say sternly and confidently, cutting off your boyfriend before he has the chance to ramble on. It’s reassuring how quick you are to shut the notion down. “Besides, we really only have one thing in common,” you pause in your tracks, forcing Bokuto to stop and look at you. 

“What’s that?”

“We both love you so much,” you can’t help but smile as you speak. Bokuto has such amazing people in his life and that warms your heart. “We would never try to hurt you; I would never try to hurt you. I’m so sorry for even making you feel like that.” the apology is sincere. Your glossy eyes are a giveaway. “If I haven’t made this clear, you are the only one for me. It’s you and me, together forever,” he wipes away a single tear; you hadn’t even realized you were crying. You never wanted to make him feel this way; he’s never sounded so defeated. Was he going to just hand you over to his best friend? Did he think you would accept that? “But really, Kuroo?” you pretend to vomit to lighten the mood. It makes you both laugh, something you desperately needed. 

“I love you,” Bokuto sighs in relief.  

“I love you too.” flinging your arms around his neck, you kiss him. 

There’s something almost enchanting about the way he immediately takes the lead. He doesn’t care about the taste of liquor that lingers in your mouth or the fact that you still smell like Kuroo’s cologne; at this moment, Bokuto only cares about you. His lips glide over yours passionately, yet ever so gently; your tongue sporadically teases his bottom lip, his teeth occasionally nibble on yours. It’s a steady rhythm that makes you weak in the knees. His hands find their way to your waist, then to your back, sliding down until they’re secure in your back pockets. 

Bokuto pulls away, pressing his forehead against yours. “Let’s get home, yeah?” he squeezes your ass before he removes his hands from your pocket; intertwining his fingers with yours, Bokuto starts to walk again. 

“Yeah,” you repeat with a smile on your face, nodding eagerly as he pulls you down the sidewalk. 

[glitxhwayventeen]

Lonely Hearts Club

Seokmin: Chapter 4 (Let Your Heart Hold Fast)

Characters: Seokmin x female reader

Genre/Warnings: multi-member au (different scenarios), werewolf au, fantasy, angst, fluff, implied toxic masculinity, food mentions, sexual mentions/jokes, mentions of the dead, mentions of potential violence. Any others will be put as warnings when future chapters are thought up/written. Please let me know if I’ve missed anything!

Author’s Note: For those of you asking, yes Soonyoung is Seungcheol’s mate in all the story lines but his own. Don’t ask me why, I just see it this way. I’m trying not to make every single chapter for every single member super angsty but your girl is a simple sad bitch so I can’t help it. Also, if I made another Seventeen Werewolf AU in a different universe following a different concept, would you guys read it? Let me know pls because I have an idea but I don’t wanna make it if no one would be interested in it.

Please remember that all of these chapters and the content within them are a work of fiction! They’re just for fun/entertainment!

Bold= Dialogue Italics= Thoughts

☁️

Lonely Hearts Club Master List

Chapter 4: Let Your Heart Hold Fast

Since you had gotten back to the pack’s house, things had been going… pretty well actually. You were getting along well with everyone, you were getting used to staying in a house again, and you had pretty much become content with living with a bunch of other wolves. You were still a bit awkward with your mate. It wasn’t necessarily bad, but it did make certain things… uncomfortable.

For instance, you guys stayed in the same room now. You figured there was no point in taking up a room if you were mates with one of the boys. It seemed selfish to you to continue to have your own. So instead, you began sleeping in the same room as Seokmin. He was beyond thrilled that you decided to stay with him, but your guys interactions got very… blurred. You weren’t sure what was okay and what wasn’t okay, neither was he.

So you usually slept on one side of the bed and he slept on the other, with a pillow in between the both of you to prevent touching. Still, you two always somehow managed to cuddle in your sleep and woke up in each other’s arms. THAT’S when it got awkward. You’d start to fumble around and get all embarrassed and he’d just be sitting there plain tongue tied at what was going on.

You weren’t even sure why you were nervous. The motherfucker had already seen every angle of your body naked, so what was the big deal? You couldn’t place it. Being around him now just made you feel so on edge. Seeing him or knowing he was near you had your fingers tingling from your palm to the tip of your middle finger, it felt like even your aura was shimmering due to his presence. Everything about him made every cell in your body was electrified. It was a strange feeling. And you always hoped your mate didn’t notice, but, unfortunately for you, he did notice.

He saw how scattered and frazzled you’d get whenever he’d get near you. He felt bad for it. But he couldn’t help but want to be near you, you were his whole world. You had been very kind to him and very caring towards him. You just didn’t really understand the whole ‘forever partners’ thing. He figured it would take you a lot of time to get used to having a mate again.

But the wolf part of him also just wanted to show you that he could be as good of a mate Cyrus was. He wanted to show you he was big and strong and able to be a good provider. He couldn’t help it, it was in his nature to be naturally competitive with your past partner. It was in his nature to want to protect you and want to be seen as someone you looked at as a safe place rather than someone you looked at like you had to protect yourself. He felt bad about it. He tried to suppress it, but he just couldn’t. The toxic masculinity of the wolf instinct just wouldn’t go away.

“Morning everyone!” you chirped as you all but skipped your way down the stairs to the kitchen, immediately locking eyes with your mate and feeling a heat rise to your cheeks instantly.

You were greeted with a wave of ‘mornings’ by the crowd now in front of you as you grabbed a bowl from one of the cabinets and began to pour yourself some cereal. You could feel Seokmin’s eyes on your every movement but you tried to brush it off as best you could and pretended not to notice.

You yawned a bit in tiredness before you sat down in an empty seat semi across from your mate. You were exhausted. Sleeping for you had become a bit better now that Seokmin slept next to you, but it had also become… uncomfortable for reasons you weren’t so sure you were ready to admit yet.

“Well it sounds like SOMEONE’s still tired!” Smirked Soonyoung, who was no doubt trying to make it sexual in nature. But it was truly just a yawn.

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, tired from you keeping me up all night from having to hear you jerk one out for the umpteenth night in a row. Seriously what’s it been now? 4 days running? 5? I can’t keep track anymore.” You responded with a sly grin on your face, much to the delight of your brothers who began a symphony of laughter at your smart reply.

“Hey it’s not my fault Cheol’s withholding sex!” He explained defensively as he crossed his arms over his chest in a huff.

Seungcheol just snickered and let out a, “But It IS your own damn fault” before he continued on eating his breakfast by stuffing a spoon full of it in his mouth. At this point, you had begun joining in on the others fun and we’re holding your stomach in amusement.

“No it’s not!” Soonyoung put his hand over his heart dramatically as if he were accused of something horrendous, “You’re just being ridiculous!” He snarled at his partner angrily while the rest of you were still dying of laughter.

“I’m not being ridiculous my love, you need to be taught lessons and with you, withholding sex is the only way you learn. Therefor, I withhold sex.” Cheol replied matter of factly with a mouth full of food.

Jihoon raised his face in disgust at their conversation, “Eww gross! I don’t want to think about you two fucking!”

After that, it seemed like the laughter died down enough to have a more civilized conversation. Well, as civilized as the pack’s conversations could really get with 13 boys in it.

“So we need to go to the market today, we’re running low on supplies. Who’s all gonna go?” Joshua asked aloud, praying literally anyone would want to go out as he absolutely hated going himself.

A lot of the boys had already gotten caught or had close calls in the village. There were only a select few who could now go to the market undetected. Joshua just happened to be one of them, but he refused to go alone. He could be charming when he needed to be, but he preferred someone else come with so that he could take the things they needed and couldn’t afford while they distracted the shop keepers.

“I can go!” You raised your hand cutely with a sweet smile on your face before anyone else could say anything. Though, you did hear a loud huff that came from in front of you out of Seokmin.

It wasn’t that he wanted you to have to stay inside all the time. But the town was DANGEROUS. They had already caught half of them on multiple occasions, soon, there wouldn’t be anyone left that could go out and get supplies. And when they were caught, the boys got REAL close to being hung up on some hunter’s mantle.

Werewolves and hunters had been at each other’s throats since before even the alphas were born. So of course he didn’t want the love of his life out in the middle of a war there’s no way the boys could possibly win. If something happened to you, he wasn’t sure what he’d do. But he knew you would never see the validity of his argument. Because of this, instead of arguing with you, he decided to make his displeasure known passively.

Joshua clapped his hands together with joy, “Perfect! So (Y/N)’s in. Anyone else?”

He wasn’t super concerned about being alone now that you were going with. He knew that he could probably compel one of the younger boys who hadn’t been seen to go with him too just for safe measure. But he figured he’d ask in case he could actually get a volunteer for once. With you going, there was a good chance one of the others would decide to go willingly now too.

“If she’s going, then I’m going too.” Declared Seokmin from his seat of self pity.

The entire pack turned to look at him, including you. It wasn’t normal for him to want to go out in public. The only reason he was one of the few who hadn’t gotten exposed yet was because he was generally too scared of humans to go out. Now here he was volunteering to go because you had. He wasn’t about to let you go out without him. Boy, love sure had a way of making men do the stupidest things.

You shook your head in protest, “No. Absolutely not. You can’t go. I refuse to let you go.”

Seokmin grit his teeth in their place, “If you’re going then so am I. I’m just as capable as any of the rest of you!” He hissed out between nose flares.

That was another thing, this would also be the perfect way to show you that he could protect you and be tough for you like he wanted to. He knew you thought of him as some little boy, he wanted to change that. He wanted you to think as highly of him as he did you and this was a good way to start.

“But Seokmin-” You were swiftly cut off before you could continue with your argument.

“But Seokmin nothing. If you’re going, I’ll be right there with you watching you. End of discussion.” He finished with a bit of a growl to show you and everyone else he meant business.

The boys all looked to you as if you were the deciding voice, even though you weren’t an alpha. You were his mate and one of the few that could go. If you didn’t want him going, then they’d respect that decision. BUT both you and them also knew it meant trouble for your relationship or whatever it was you had with him if you refused it.

You groaned in frustration and thought while you drug your hands down your face in annoyance. He could get himself hurt. Did you REALLY have it in you today to protect him? You were still so on edge with him near, was it really a GOOD idea for him to be out in the human world right next to you? But part of you also knew full well that he wasn’t going to back down from his insane idea. The best you could do was humor him and PRAY that nothing bad would happen.

“Ugh fine! Whatever. But so help me god, if I have to come save your ass because you get caught, I’m definitely NOT gonna be happy.” You rolled your eyes at his narrowed ones.

He gave you a victorious grin that made you want to grab his face and pull him in for a kiss and smack him for his smugness at the same time. But instead of doing that, you all quickly adjourned to your rooms to get ready for the day to come. You just hoped it wouldn’t all go to shit.

(Updated 9/21)

[nexyra]

What is your take on rwby chara's mbti types? I think

Weiss - xSTJ, thought that she was ESTJ at first but ISTJ makes a lot of sense too.

Winter - ESTJ

Pyrrha - ESFJ

Emerald - ISFJ (I've seen some ppl type her as INFJ but I don't see how she is a Ni dom?)

Whitley - ENTJ? I'm honestly not sure abt that..

Adam - fucked up xNFJ, probably INFJ (seen him typed as xNTJ but his delusional thinking process imo screams unhealthy Ti and I think his manipulation of Blake and the WF is more Fe than Te

Qrow - was thinking ISTP but with the more recent volumes I'm really not sure..

Penny - ENFP

Ozpin - Uuuuuh INTP maybe?? But I've seen some people type him as INFJ. INFJ 5w6 would make sense as to why he might appear as an INTP but idk..

Bartholomew- ENTP

Jaune - no fucking idea honestly

Ironwood - ENTJ

Sun - Seen ppl type him as ENFP but I don't see any Ne at all..,,ESFP?

Yang - ESxP, maybe ESTP

Cinder - INTJ

Mercury - ISTP

Oscar - ISFJ

Ren - ISTx?

Hello anon ! I see my love for typology hasn't gone unnoticed 😂 Thank you so much for the ask !

I prefer enneagram over MBTI because I find it easier to type; so fair warning that I'm not an authority on MBTI-typing. But I do have have an ongoing RWBY typing that includes MBTI sooo... here goes !

(I'm putting my ennea typings along with it, but not explaining them on this post)

➸ RWBYJNPR

Ruby • xNFP 6w7 9w1 2w3?

I just can't decide between the two fors Ruby because... it kind of goes both way ??? Like Ruby definitely feels as INFP for the first half of the series; she's got a clear Fi > Ne preference... But then when she develops her Tert in V6 it's just... Te ? And she really doesn't show much Si actually she fits more the Si inf vibe in the form of forgetting about bad memories and her mom until people dig it up and she's like "nooo !" ?? So it looks like Te > Si but also Fi > Ne; conclusion idfk

Weiss • ISTJ 1w2 6w5 3w4 sp/so

Clear Fi tert rearing its head along with the 1 so I'm going with ISTJ; I also never really saw any Ne. Her type isn't too disagreed upon so tell me if you want a lenghtier explanation.

Blake • ISFP 6w5 9w8 4w3 (in some order)

Wooh this might get the anger of some (i have experience with the INFJ typers) but Blake goddamn REEKS of Fi. Less so recently but for the first seasons oh my god. She straights up catch you by the shirt and tells you "I'm doing the right thing"; and said right thing is so heavily dependant on her own subjectives values, which is why Blake can't reconcile with the current White Fang; because she doesn't have a strong Je vision of "what objectively works in the end", she only sees actions in terms of immediate right and wrong, and this b&w dichotomy stems from herself. What the WF is doing is wrong and the circumstances don't matter for judging the morality of their actions (of course I'm not talking about murder here bc that's pretty wrong ALL THE TIME but for example the stealing occuring in V1 bc of the WF is a better example)

Yang • ESXP 7w8 8w7 2w3

I'm sorry about that but I can't help you on that aspect anon, I still can't make up my mind about whether Yang has Fi or Ti. I have seen arguments for both, and i'm not the best at picking up on Ti so it's hard for me to tell.

Jaune • ESFJ 6w7 3w2 9w1

No strong opinions on his MBTI, it's kinda just based on vibes

Nora • ENFP 6w7 9w8 3w2

Textbook ENFP, not much to say here x))

Pyrrha • XXFJ 2w1 1w2 6?

In my list Pyrrha is currently written down as ISFJ but that's mostly based on the general consensus and me wanting to get rid of the XX. I don't actually have any convincing arguments to decide on Ni or Si, so I could go either way if someone else makes their case well. I feel like she's Fe aux more than dom, but even about that I could change my mind. Pyrrha didn't have that much screentime in the end :((

Ren • ISTJ? 9w1 5w4 4w5

Ironically I'm not sure about his type, kind of like you. I've mentionned I'm not very good at picking up on Ti right ? And Ren was a background character before V4 really. I had him written down as ISTP for a while but I've seen some convincing arguments for ISTJ so I might lean toward that actually but who knows. The thing I'm very confident about is his 5 fix = )

➸ Faunus bonus

Sun • ESFP 7w6 2w3 9w1 so/sx

I don't see any Ne at all either so I don't understand the ENFP typings...?? Maybe the 7 stereotypes ? Imo Sun is just a very good boy; certified ESFP 7 himbo; triple positive sunshine !

Ilia • Ti-Fe axis ?

Again, not enough screentime for me to make an educated guess. My only certainty is : not high Fi. It's the source of their conflicts. Blake confidence in absolute right & wrong, tracing lines in the sand between acceptable & unacceptable. Whereas Ilia can only shake her head and say "Because it works", or cry out "I don't know what else to do !"

Adam • 3w4 8w7 6w5

I honestly don't really have much of an opinion about Adam's MBTI, i'm sorry anon ;; I don't know enough about how he thinks

➸ Oz-related things and his circle

Ozpin • INFJ 5w4 2w1 1w9

I would personally call him an INFJ. I... never really got INTP vibes from him ? I don't see the Fe inf work out with his interactions : he's always rather at ease, he knows how to navigate around people... His focus inherently lies on doing what's best for the "group", the people, humanity. Fx functions are both concerned with ethics, in different ways, and I think Oz reflects that well. He IS concerned with the moral weight of his actions, but it's a more adaptable and unpersonnal concern than Fi people. He regards Ironwood's soul machines as something wrong, but can still agree to use it if the situations demand it for example. So... if the INFJ + 5 makes sense to you, well that's what I'm typing him personally. I also feel like Ni fits him more than Ne. Ozpin has a very linear way of planning, he does use his fair share of symbolism in every day conversation... Even when taking decisions, he... kind of cares about the meaning of things a lot ? It's hard to explain but like; the way he highlights the difference between an army and a guardian, and the emotionnal response it brings. I don't know it feels like there's some Ni vibes in there x)

Oscar • ISFJ 9w8 6w7 3w2

Oscar's type honestly isn't the one I would have the easiest time explaining in lenght but yea. It's mostly vibes; also just like Ozpin he doesn't seem to have a particularly Fi reasonning. And he feels more grounded, I don't really remember any Ni so... yay ?

Ironwood • ENFJ 6w5 1w2 3w4 (pre-Vol8); ENTJ (post-Vol8)

Might be weird if you think he was a dictator from the start, but I kind of entertained the idea of Ironwood being Fe dom ? From his very first interaction it was very clear that he was a Je dom to me; he's all about objective results; he doesn't give off the "internal framework" or "personnal values" vibe AT ALL; so it was more a matter of picking Te or Fe. He LOOKS super Te don't get me wrong; but he also has an enneagram tritype that is very common amongst XXTJs (and TJs stereotypes thus derive from it). And just like Oz, his focus at all time seemed to be the greater good and doing what's best for the people still. So I was like... Eh, a "harsh" ENFJ I think that's interesting ? Plus Fe ethics actually derive from their environment, kinda like "everyone agrees that Y is wrong", and if you consider that James is from Atlas... Well his way of thinking and ethics align pretty well with the military.

His character took a turn for the worse in V8 (whether too quick or not depends on who you ask) and past that point he's a clear ENTJ; but I feel like it was more debatable before that. Idk though I might be overthinking this in the hope of making more interesting combinations xD

Qrow • ISTP 4w3 6w7? 1w9? sp/sx

I don't really see anything else than ISTP for Qrow... But he's not a character I would want to find Ti arguments for either.

Raven • ENTJ Cp6w5 8w9 3w4

Most villains get called ENTJ at the first occasions tbh zlqfznhqzkf but I think it fits Raven for the most part actually...

➸ Atlas

Winter • ESTJ 1w9 3w4 6w5

The whole Schnee family has the same enneagram tritype in different order/different wings, it's ridiculous I think she has a higher Te than Weiss, and Fi inf fits her more. She struggles more to reconcile with her emotions and the idea of a personal right/wrong than her little sis.

Penny • ENFP 4w3 6w7 9w1 sx/so

Perfect example of a healthy 4, she's a great friend a cutie pie. ... Sorry we were talking about MBTI x) Well again, textbook ENFP. Not much to debate here.

Whitley • 3w4 1w9 6w5?

Not enough material for me to guess a MBTI type correctly either, sorry... I could see some kind of xNTJ yea but it's really just vibes and not enough concrete.

➸ Antagonists and Extras

Cinder • 8w7 3w4 6w5

Never cared to guess her MBTI type. I hereby type her as insufferable qkfqskfq. More seriously, I don't really know sorry Anon :/

Emerald • 2w3 ?w? ?w?

I never got Fe vibes from her tbh, I just think she's a 2. And Fe as a function is very infused with 2 stereotypes. So yea. Like, she isn't even that worried about the morality of her actions or anything more than the other villains. She just cares more about her personal relationships and being loved, so she automatically looks much nicer, especially with 2 mechanisms of trying to make herself useful and needed. Also because she's surrounded by 8-ish people xD

Mercury • 8w9 7w8 ?w?

ISTP doesn't sound too farfeteched, but I never MBTI-typed him either, sorry.

+

Bartholomew Oobleck • xSxJ 5w4

The only vibe he gave me is Si somewhere because of all his talks about learning from the past and everything repeats itself and it's a mine of informations at Mountain Glen... That's really the only time I tried to put down anything for him, and it was Si + 5. He could be some kind of xNTP nerd too for sure, but that's more vibe and I couldn't make an actual argument for it.

[fireemblems24]

Hey! It's the anon who sent the ask about the imperialism thing.

I guess it's kinda ironic because uh, the country that did the whole imperialism shtick to my country is the US. The saddest part is that it's barely acknowledged and I'm pretty sure it's not even studied in your history either. If you're curious, look up Benevolent Assimilation. Yup. That's what they called it.

Anyway I had a realization when you mentioend about why not Edelgard try to enact the changes on her Empire first? And I realised... Yeah, why not???

A possible thing she could've done that's less bloody than a war is to change her Empire first. And then befriend the future leaders of the Kingdom and Alliance while they were in school. That would've made things fairly peaceful between them and also if the changes in the Empire are working out well, she could've promoted the same methods to Dimitri and Claude for them to establish in their own countries. She doesn't need to conquer them. I mean, yeah this is a very easier said than done situation (especially since there's still TWSITD) but again, less bloody alternatives.

To be fair, Edelgard handling this entire affair in a flawed manner such as a war is also fine by me. Seeing imperialism in media is fine especially if it highlights the flaws of it because yes, it and its long term effects need to be acknowledged. But the game just feels like it's condoning her... And there's also the ton of people who agree with her who just make me uncomfortable really because it feels so close to real life. Not only that seeing as this is a Japanese game and the Japanese have a... history with imperialism (in which they also occupied my country... we don't really get a break) it's just uncomfortable.

Again, I like Edelgard and the morally grey potential of her decisions. My problem really is in the execution. I would definitely tolerate CF much more if the BE had more prominent roles as critics? I think that's the only way they'd really fit in CF tbh. Criticise Edelgard, question her actions, make her question her own actions, make her realise the damage she caused. Stuff like that would've made CF into such a good route. Like, if AM is Dimitri's character study, why couldn't we have had Edelgard's character study in CF?

I guess in the end, the main reason why I'm really talkative about the whole Edelgard issue is because I really want to love her? I see the potential in her character — I love her design, her general personality, her voice actress, the fact that she's actually different from the usual female character in these games. But I just end up liking her and not really loving her because sometimes the games feels like it's forcing me to love her so much that I just eh. I still don't like her Byleth attachment.

But yeah I think I'm going to stop bothering you all about this since I think I'm just repeating restated points again.

I briefly looked up “Benevolent Imperialism.” Sounds exactly like the kind of phrase an Imperialist would label their conquest as. I’ll have to learn more about it because surprise, surprise, our history lessons do leave that out. 

As for your comments on Edelgard, I agree with everything you said. I cannot believe her actions are wholly benevolent and in the name of bettering society only because she never once attempts to work with other leaders. She’s either so far up her own ass she legitimately thinks killing every other major power in Fodlan except herself is really the best option for everyone or there’s more to her actions than her ideals - like killing all the dragons/forcing them into hiding forever or getting back what she thinks is rightly hers because the Empire ruled those territories hundreds of years ago. 

My issue, like yours, is that this game acts like she’s some kind of saint. She’s sacrificing her own soul by bloodying her own hands for the benefit of all. Whenever she talks about all the damage the war causes, it’s not about the victims, it’s about how sorry we should feel for her because she’s dirtying herself so everyone can live in her future utopia. 

It takes a grey, interesting perspective and makes it not only very uninteresting (and at times irritating as a player who doesn’t agree with her but it forced to act like she’s the biggest victim in all this), but problematic. To say nothing of how this glorifies war and skips over any and all negative side effects, it’s far more concerning in it’s presentation of Imperialism as a good thing, as a “liberation” of the countries who are getting violently taken over against their will. 

Like you, I don’t mind Imperialism in fiction. I don’t even mind seriously entertaining the question - but what if the conqueror really does improve things? What I do mind is this really black/white presentation where Imperialism is framed as liberation, like the Imperialist actually knows better than the countries she’s taking over. What’s super uncomfortable when analyzing things deeper is how unapologetic CF is at spinning the same propaganda used to devastate other countries, many still reeling from the effects. 

You could just write it off as fiction. It’s just a Fire Emblem video game no one should take too seriously. And I’m always torn about this argument because I don’t want to police fiction - at all - but I’m also aware of how fiction can change your worldview. You’d think people would be smart enough to separate fiction and reality but they often either don’t or use fiction to reinforce their own world views. 

I’m not surprised at all people agree with Edelgard. She’s presented as a liberator, her route presents war like its only victim is the perpetrator because she’s just oh so sad everyone else is forcing her to kill them. But I’m very alarmed if anyone wholly agrees with her and thinks she’s right to invade the Kingdom and the Alliance. You can love a character and not agree with their actions. I love a character who’s quite similar to Edelgard on the surface, Reinhard von Lohengramm, but I do not agree with his actions at all, even if I root for his victory at every turn in his own story anyways, because sometimes it’s fun to watch a magnificent bastard crush everyone under their heels. 

And yeah my main frustration with her is that I really want to like her. But her presentation is so bad that I’m struggling to enjoy her in her own route. 

[xcrystalzero]

Hello! I’d love to request a romantic matchup, as I’m an absolute sucker for those. Pls take your with this, and drink some water!

So first of, I’m 18 and het female. Appearance wise I’m a tiny (on a good day) 5’1 with, as of rn, pastel purple hair—I change my hair colour frequently. I have quite the defined hourglass shape, which I lowkey hate because finding clothes is a nightmare... the only feature I really like apart from that are my freckles. Besides that, I love fashion, and i spend quite some time on trying out new hairstyles and clothing combinations. So yeah that’s it appearance-wise.

Personality:

To be succinct, I’m an ENTP-T (HI KIN). I’m usually quite determined, stubborn, blunt, rational, and quick witted, but I try to be softer and more careful with my words around the people I love. My main quality is really just my galaxy brain (yay me, intelligence saves me from being a complete arsehole), although I always try my best to help the people around me (which can sometimes become overbearing, I’m sure). I have random periods where I just... succumb to being a crackhead. I’m not the biggest fan of always being serious, so I want to let loose sometimes. Tho one big issue I have, is that social cues and emotions are just really not my area of expertise. I have absolutely no idea how to act in most situations, and while it’s gotten better (i was unbearable to be around when I was younger) I’m vvv awkward and can easily be rude (accidentally... sometimes at least) djdjdjieks. Also, I’m such an annoying smartass, I’m sorry to everyone.

Hobbies and Interests/Dislikes:

For hobbies, I have too many in true ENTP fashion. Although, I mainly focus on dancing, writing, and... is hanging out with friends a hobby??? Idk, but I love spending time with my loved ones. I also quite like baking and I’m a huge simp for Shakespeare—well, his works that is, and for general English literature. I also love gaming, history, and debate. Another important thing for me is topics like feminism, gender equality and all that good stuff. I’m not really an activist (too much stuff on my hands I guess?) but I’m very passionate about these topics—and easily get into arguments about it. Dislikes—well, the usual ones like unnecessary hate and stuff like that, but specifically, I absolutely abhor when someone judges and condemns someone else—who hasn’t done anything against them—without even knowing their story. Also, ignorance is annoying af.

Some other stuff uwu:

For preferred traits in a partner: First of, my love language is Quality Time (we don’t need a big adventure or anything) and Acts of Service. I’m vvv averse to physical touch in a romantic sense and I need my s/o to respect the fact that it’d take me a long long time to get used to him initiating smth. Trauma tingz... I know it unfair tho, as some people just need that, so I try to compromise as much as possible. Communication is super important to me. Keeping your secrets are alright, and if you’re shy or anything that’s also cool, but if I seriously ask you about smth, I’d rather you wouldn’t lie just to spare my feelings. Also, I need someone who isn’t afraid to voice their opinion if it differs my own. I’m quite into debating—over any topic, really. Thus, I might come off as rudely argumentative (which I guess I am), but it’s mostly just a matter of enjoying the mental thrill and wanting someone to consider my perspective/explain their perspective to me. Patience is another trait I really need in someone. I have ADHD, so even if I try my best to listen, I might have to ask if you could repeat whatever you just said. Also the bouts of random forgetting, my occasional impatience... yeah, adhd things. Beyond that, I believe that if you truly love someone, you can grow with them and work around any negativity.

Can’t really think of anything else rn. Thank you for doing this 💜💜💜 take care and drink some water

Hiiii! Omg I'm ENTP/INTP -T too! We chaotic as fuck. Anywayyy, here we go!

I match you with ... Zhongli!

- Ah yes, Geo Daddy himself.

- I think that Zhongli is one of those people who highly value intelligence. He's been around for a while now and seen a lot of things. Obviously, he knows that most people can't begin to approach the amount of knowledge he has accumulated over time. That's why meeting you is a pleasant surprise.

- He's an incredibly patient and supportive person so he'll have no problem entertaining your crazy ENTP ideas or any of the things that come out of crackhead hours.

- He'd like the interest you have in fashion. There's something charming about the way humans like to accessorize and change up their appearance and you do a good job of it.

- It's a good thing you like history because this guy will 100% go on long tangents about the history of the land. If you try to correct him on something, he might try to fight you. The best part is that he doesn't even realize he's doing it, he just doesn't see how he could be wrong about something like that when he's been around to see it all. Have fun with those debates... Thankfully, he doesn't mind your argumentative nature and tends to deal with it pretty calmly which just calms your down too.

- Imagine though, dates where you guys burst into old libraries or bookstores. You had just disagreed on a certain technicality of Liyue's history at sea and you are determined to be right this time. The two of you spend hours scanning over books and asking the various historians always conversing around the restaurants and at the wharf. You guys actually end up kind of attracting a bit of attention, since people find it cute that you're trying to outsmart THE Zhongli. Plot twist...

"See! I told you it was 254 years ago! You were thinking of something else!" You raise the parchment you have been pouring over for the past few minutes triumphantly over your head before presenting it to Zhongli.

The man in question takes the paper, scanning it quickly before looking back to you. "Hm, I suppose you are correct."

"I win!" Your smug little smile is full of pride as you place your hands on your hips. Perhaps to others, losing such an argument would be disagreeable but Zhongli finds it adorable more than anything else.

"Yes you do my love. Yes you do..."

- His love language is quality time too! You guys spend a lot of time just wandering around Liyue Harbor together, literally just chilling or sipping tea on the veranda, enjoying each other's company.

- Basically you have one of those relationships where you can be both very active and very chill together.

Alright there we go! I swapped out my coffee for water just for you :). Hope you enjoyed!

[lizacstuff]

SCK/EDSER anon asks ep 41

Apologies for getting to these so late in the week, but lots of good asks for this episode. 

Find them under the cut:

Anonymous asked: Your thoughts on the epi? The kisses were a huge surprise! I'm glad she didn't slap him. And I'm kind of liking the two assistants' story. Its subtle but nice. And Aydan is so weird around Kemal! Is it just me or does her voice change frequency when she's talking to him. I like that they explained why Eda named her daughter Kiraz. I wasn't a huge fan of the name initially but it's growing on me.

So once again I thought it was a really good episode of television, the time moved quickly, it was well constructed and the acting was terrific. 

The only thing that marred my enjoyment of it was grappling with Eda’s lies.  Sometimes that just got too much for me. I think at one point I actually yelled “LIAR” out loud at the screen. I understand why Ayse and the writers wanted to delay Serkan finding out, it gave us two really great things, one Serkan deciding to pursue Eda again without knowing of their forever tie, and Serkan bonding with his daughter while thinking she has no connection to him.

Dramatically, both of those things are great and entertaining and I’m happy they went that direction. However, that once again requires me to set aside reality and find a way to stomach the fact that Eda not only didn’t tell him about his child, but now is forcing her child to actively lie to the person she wants most to meet. 

That was really hard to take on first viewing. She’s also dragging poor besotted Burak into the lie, allowing Melo to continue the lie to her former eniste, expecting Piril to lie to her husband and to her business partner/“friend”, not to mention all the direct lying she’s doing, both to the man she once loved more than anything and to her beloved daughter.  They’ve done a good job of making us understand the pain Eda went through and why she might want to protect her daughter, but nothing, and I mean NOTHING justifies what she did.  And let’s be real, she going to say she did it to protect Kiraz, but if Serkan had rejected being a father, everything else could have been the same. Kiraz didn’t need to know. Eda could have left, raised her on her own, and told the fairy tale of an astronaut.  She decided not to tell Serkan in order to protect herself, it was entirely selfish. And it’s really hard to watch Eda hold Kiraz in her arms when Kiraz tells her of dreaming of her father and Eda still come out of that determined to keep Serkan in the dark.  I know she’ll come around. But I really don’t want it be brushed under the rug and for the narrative to consider what she did as totally okay.  Perhaps that could come in the form of Kiraz making her pay a bit when she understands she’s been lied to and Eda has hidden her father from her. We’ll see. 

Alright, enough of that, I saw several tweets on twitter complaining about Edser alone screen time, that it was too little, but during the episode I didn’t feel it. Probably because I consider funny scenes like them using their assistants as go-betweens to flirt and fight as an “edser” scene.  Of course I always want more, but I think we’ll get much more in the coming episodes.

As for Kiraz’s name, I’m super glad it has meaning related to Serkan. That’s very heartwarming. Though still a bit at odds with the fact that she hid her from him. She’s going to deprive him of knowing he has a child, but give her a name connected to Serkan? These are the things you handwave when a show swings big for dramatic purposes, I guess.

On the positive side for Eda, I do appreciate that except for that one gargantuan thing, she is being very open with him in their conversations. It’s new for them for one to be honest about how much they were hurt by the other. Eda would always pretend that she wasn’t impacted when they parted, I’m glad she’s past that. 

I’m also happy that Serkan isn’t wasting time pretending he’s not still in love with her or that he doesn’t want her.  It took him, what, like a day, to decide he wanted her back? LOL. And even though he was being high-handed in manipulating hotel-owner lady to force Eda to work with him, it was all very in character for the old Serkan so I enjoyed watching it.  Even if he had zero rights to do it! 

Loved watching her guard come down when they were working together, they were always a very good team, and I’m sure neither of them has had quite that same dynamic since they parted, so it was fun to see them syncing right back into old rhythms. Oh and watching her thaw completely when he complimented her work. Serkan as her mentor was one of my favorite things about their relationship so it was nice to see that aspect back and that she still respects him professionally as much as she ever did.  Then the flowers! Gah! I love that the show is picking up these old threads and using them to illustrate how Eda was still a priority for Serkan during the 5 years of estrangement.  

So far we’ve only seen flashbacks from Eda’s perspective, it will be very interesting to start seeing them from Serkan’s perspective so we know why he did what he did. I think there’s no doubt that he pushed her away out of some sort of misguided attempt to get her to pursue a better life without him. 

Wasn’t it refreshing for there to be a misunderstanding about the phone call, for us to get to see jealous Serkan, but for Eda to actually clear it up for him? Don’t get me wrong, Serkan had no right to get angry and it was frankly none of his business, but it was also a honest emotional reaction from him, and I’m glad to see Eda recognize that and put his mind at ease. Also it was worth it for us to see their argument in the car and them both deciding to walk back. I wish we would have gotten like a 4 minute scene of them just walking and bickering on their way back, though.

Their conversation once they were back was great, so open (except for that pesky secret) so emotional. Serkan really putting in some emotional work for one of the first times ever. 

And I love how it continued the next day. Eda searching for the pick that means so much to her, Serkan coming right out and telling her that her wants her and still loves her.  And he just upped and kissed her. And she kissed him back! if nothing else, I’m just so happy that the cliffhanger was “happy.”  I’ll take a kiss cliffhanger over the horrifyingly heartbreaking ones we got used to there for awhile!

As for the other characters: Fuck off, Ayfer. Shut up, Aydan. Bad judgement, Melo. You’re a traitor, Piril. Hugs to you, Engin. Kemal, you’re a saint. Seyfi, grow a pair. Baby assistants, you’re cute. Burak, wake up. Deniz, you’re embarrassing.

Seriously, Ayfer is insufferable, I can’t stand when she’s on screen. At least Aydan is funny and has her own storyline, even if it’s stupid. Why, oh why, is she lying to Serkan about Kemal? Good grief!  

Who does Melo think she is taking a letter out of Serkan’s car? I get the comedy of that letter moving around the supporting players and causing misunderstandings, but it was none of her business and I think out of character for her to meddle to that degree. 

However, I’m glad that it looks like from the fragman that while both Aydan and Engin figure it out, they want proof before they do anything about the info. That makes sense, and will allow time for Serkan to figure it out on his own without being any more betrayed by those closest to him. 

The baby assistants, are adorable, and now I’m rooting for them, but Kerem needs to tone down his middle class outrage.  As for Burak... oh honey. With or without Serkan, does this dude really think he has a shot with Eda? It’s like a 4 deciding he is entitled to date a 10. Just no, dude, she’s so far out of your league you’re not playing the same sport.  And once he sees Serkan... seriously? That handsome hunk of man is her ex and you still think you might be her type? I say again, oh honey.  Melo seemed to be crushing on him, but I hope that’s not the direction they’re going unless they flesh it out. Melo deserves to be someone’s first choice. 

Anonymous asked: Hi! Love reading your sck-related answers! Been wondering about this: how do you think Serkan will react once he finds out about who Kiraz really is? I’m hoping, of course, that he will turn into the soft serky bolly we knew but am also a bit afraid that his dislike of children would not go away instantly and he will act a bit cold towards Kiraz at first..coupled with the anger towards Eda for lying

Thanks for the kind words! Honestly, I don’t foresee him acting cold towards Kiraz, I don’t think that is the story they’re telling. Especially since they’re going to have spent 3 full episodes having Serkan/Kiraz grow close without even knowing. Him reverting to robot bolat once he knows, doesn’t make sense to me. Plus, as you alluded to, once Serkan allows himself to open his heart, he becomes the biggest softy in the world and I expect that exact same dynamic with Kiraz as soon as he processes the information.  I can so see him spoiling her rotten trying to make up for lost time. He might not know what to do or always how to act with her, but I think he’s going to try really hard. 

His anger at Eda may linger, and that will probably be a wedge between Edser, a wedge I expect Kiraz will work hard to remove by forcing her parents to spend time together. 

What I hope to see is a Kiraz who doesn’t want to let her father out of her sight, including out of her house, and a Serkan who wants to get to know his daughter and a Serkan and Eda who are both so riddled with guilt that they will pretty much do whatever she asks of them, including living together and spending tons of time together. We’ll see, but that could be marvelous to watch. 

Anonymous asked: I loved that they brought the guitar pick back. Same feeling regarding the ring turned necklace. Those are symbolic and since they got rid of most of them (globe, mug, flower case), I'm happy we have something. I also love the Kiraz/Serkan relationship. He may be a bit annoyed by her but the things he does for her! My heart!!! I can't wait for the moment he realizes she's his!

YES! So happy to have some of these symbols back! Love that she carries that pick around with her, and so did Serkan, lol. That was the thing that gave him hope that she hadn’t forgotten him. 

I love that Serkan and Kiraz are so drawn to each other before knowing, it’s like something deep down it telling them the truth, even though they have no conscious realization of their real relationship. Kiraz is surrounded by people who cater to her every whim, (and let her get away with murder) so I think Serkan was a surprise to her. Like her mama, Kiraz is intrigued by someone who challenges her.  And Serkan challenges her. 

The clues are piling up, and you’d think Serkan would be able to have put them together by now. I mean we have the kid slipping up and poking holes in the ‘Melo and Burak are my parents’ lie, you have her aptitude for building, her strawberry allergy, not needing sleep and getting up early, being frustrated when folks don’t finish their sentences. Come on, Serkan! Though, I think he’s so distracted by having Eda back in his life, that he can’t focus on anything else. 

The arrow scene was adorable, and I just love how she goaded him into playing with her.  They are obviously very alike and I will never get enough of him being unable to say no to her. There are, apparently, exactly two people Serkan is unable to say no to in everyday situations, and they are mother and daughter. 

I wish we had seen a little more from Eda’s point of view when she found Serkan and Kiraz sitting there together having ice cream for breakfast. Because a more un-Serkan like thing is hard to imagine. I want to know what she thought and felt at that.  Why wasn’t she curious how they’d gotten to that position and both were compelled to want to be there? I suppose the writers didn't give that to us, because if they had, and had portrayed the character of Eda honestly, then that probably would have been enough for Eda to decide she should tell Serkan.

Anonymous asked: People are playing the team Serkan/team Eda game but in my opinion both are right and wrong in their own way. We still need more flashbacks to explain how things went down but I think everyone should be team Edser. At the end of the day it's about them learning from their mistakes and moving forward to build a family and life for their daughter and themselves.

Yes, I really don’t want to vilify either one. Even if Serkan pushed her away to protect her and give her a better life, once again he was being controlling and making decisions for her, just like he did back in episode 14.  And Eda’s mistake is obvious... and too much pride has always been one of her fatal flaws, so having too much pride to tell him and wanting to avoid that rejection in some ways makes sense for her. 

I can’t wait to watch how they find their way back to one another, they’re already having better, more open conversations than they ever did. 

Anonymous asked: ANOTHER scene of them talking maturely, laying out their feelings, who are they and what have they done to edser?!? sure we still get their usual bickering beforehand when they both walk back to the hotel (LOL). but him voicing his feelings at that night scene about how he KNOWS how much he hurt her, and that he broke them apart, but he "just can't leave" and how he repeats that over and over again... ugh just chef kiss!

Oh, that conversation at night on the boardwalk, that was something. They were both so raw, and Serkan is actually showing a lot of growth by owning his mistakes, admitting he hurt her, apologizing and being honestly about wanting to start something.  That is BRAND NEW, it was what we needed after amnesia and never got. It’s very satisfying to watch them having these heart-to-hearts and it looks like there are more in our future. 

Anonymous asked: as much as the flashbacks actually HURT my heart to watch, i've really appreciated them bc without them i don't think just telling what happened in the past would be enough for this plot and we need to have it actually shown. we've had eda's pov so far on the events that happened, but im really looking forward to serkan's thought process behind his actions in the past, even though i do already understand where he was coming from, i think it's needed for eda to understand.

The flashbacks are really good, but oh so painful. 

As for getting them from Serkan’s perspective, yes please! There’s a lot that both we and Eda don’t know.  We know that Serkan couldn’t leave his house for months after Eda left, but Eda doesn’t know that.  Eda really thinks he fell out of love with her and once again choose work over her, but I’m sure that’s not what happened. Hopefully, in 3 and 4, we’ll see what spurred Serkan on to act so coldly to her. Sure, part of it probably was depression and changes in him brought by the cancer, but I’m sure it was more than that. We shall see. 

Anonymous asked: Do you get the impression that Piril has known the entire time that Eda was pregnant and had a baby? I thought she only found out when she went to Sile for the hotel project but a lot of people seem to think she was in on it all along? did I miss a key line somewhere? Like I can see why she hasn't told Engin if it was recent but keeping it from him for 5 years? Idk about that. And it makes Piril a little more bearable if she hasn't stood next to Serkan all these years with this secret

My guess is she’s only known since this project. There is absolutely no reason for Eda to have confided in her prior to that, unless Piril somehow stumbled onto them during the years.  But I think that scene in the second fragman, where Eda is telling her that it’s better for Kiraz to have no father, than a father that doesn’t want her, is a flashback to when Piril and Eda first meet for the project and that’s Eda convincing her to keep the secret. That’s my best guess at least. 

It’s bad enough if Piril has known for weeks and has actively worked against Serkan figuring it out, but it’s a whole other thing if she’s lied to her husband for years.  Either way, I sure hope this causes problems between Piril and Engin, it should. 

Anonymous asked: One thing I love about Serkan now is that the man has learned to apologize. That was one thing that was very difficult for him but in the past two episodes he's apologized a few times. Yes in the first season he was sorry over his actions but never said the words "I'm sorry". What a great improvement. And I love that he's communicating. His "I want you" and his other efforts are great to watch.

I LOVE THIS! I think the first time he ever said the words “I’m sorry” was in 15 and that was after she forced his hand by driving like a maniac and really losing it so when they’re on that cliff he finally breaks down and says it.  But that was one of the only times.  Even in 28 when they have the big miscommunication about getting married, he only says something like “me too” after Eda apologizes.  

It would be interesting to know how he came to this point, but I assume he’s had a LOT of time to think over the last 5 years and to think about what he would say if they ever met again.  That has to be it, because he’s been able to articulate a lot of very sincere, heartfelt things in the course of these conversations

Growth! We love to see it. 

[danieco]

check in tag ✅ (Thank you, @chaosmax!!)

1. why did you choose your url?

It’s a partial mashup of two of my names that sounds a bit like a company: “Danie Co.” It’s my Brand™ (facetious) 

2. any side blogs? if you have them name them and why you have them?

Yes, an RP blog @dubmiho and @daniecho, a catch-all for non-YGO reblogs and occasional silly text posts about my life

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

Hard to say, I’ve used Tumblr on and off for years just as a way to collect posts that I liked. I started actually participating in fandom (making and reblogging posts) last December, so like seven months?

4. do you have a queue tag?

Yes, “queue-gi-oh”

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

Surface level answer: I got back into YGO somehow, was having a LOT of thoughts and needed somewhere to put them. Realer answer: I think the timing with the pandemmy isn’t coincidental. The Atlantic ran an article months ago about how people were mourning the loss of relationships they didn’t realize they had, the outer circle of acquaintances that populated their lives and they saw regularly but didn’t really know. Tumblr I think kind of fills that niche with convos in the tags, etc.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I honestly don’t know, it’s not even my favorite color. I guess it felt like a quick, neutral thing? Also with the first header I had (a manga panel of Jou going “Hmmmm”), in dashboard view it kind of looked like he was blowing bubblegum and getting concerned he let the bubble get too big. 

7. why did you choose your header?

My header will probably always be some manga panel of Jounouchi, haha. He’s the boy! I was actually a Kaiba stan for like, my first decade of liking YGO. No clue how Jou totally took over this go around, but I’m having a blast. 

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

Definitely a Kaiba joke I tossed off and almost didn’t post because I thought it was “too Tumblr”. Someone I used to follow for feminist film criticism (who I never would have guessed even knew what YGO was) reblogged it at one point, and seeing it on my dash from her was the most bizarre experience I’ve had on here for sure. 

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I honestly don’t know, but this question stresses me out because I recently unfollowed a lot of blogs so I’d spend less time on here and I know some were mutuals. I know the cool kids are always reblogging the “I don’t care how many followers I have/who unfollows me” posts but I still feel bad doing it. :( It feels like not waving anymore to someone you regularly pass in the hallway at work. Minor, but still a bummer. 

10. how many followers do you have?

200, it’s baby blog hours over here always

11. how many people do you follow?

Around 50

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

I’ve made a lot of dumb jokes (affectionate) but I’m not sure any qualify as an actual shitpost. People may think of my super spy Tristan post but I was being entirely sincere!! Sincere, thank you!

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

God, I don’t even want to think about it. I love you but I hate you, my little dopamine-boosting trap. (This is why I try to follow as few people as possible, so I run out of posts on my dash more quickly.)

14. did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? who won?

No, but I’m pretty quick to just mute blogs by blacklisting their names if I see them being rude to someone or if their posts don’t Spark Joy for me.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

Opposed; I understand that’s coming out of a passionate desire to help but frankly (time for a HOT TAKE) I think a majority of the Tumblr activism I see is underinformed and/or ineffectual anyway. 

16. do you like tag games?

Yes!! It’s fun to get to know people

17. do you like ask games?

Yes again!! Same reason. Give me all your opinions. I want to know. Tumblr is like a fin-de-siecle Parisian salon except all our opinions on life, love, art and politics are filtered through a YGO lens (i.e., incredible and inherently entertaining)

18. which of your tumblr mutuals do you think is famous?

This question made me feel old because I immediately thought “What, a secret celebrity is incognito on YGO Tumblr?” But this probably means like, who has the most followers. I know of at least one with a solid following but YGO is such a small fandom it’s hard to feel like anyone’s really “famous”

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

Maybe a LITTLE and it’s extra silly because a) we hardly talk and b) she might be straight I don’t actually know HAHA it is mostly just for cute fun. I can have a little pandemmy parasocial summer crush, as a treat

20. tags?

I’d love to see anyone do it! Tag me back if you do, I’d love to see them (seriously!! say hello!)

[aion-rsa]

Kevin Can F**K Himself Shows Why The Laugh Track Needs to Die

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

The title card for the new AMC series Kevin Can F**K Himself isn’t accompanied by a jaunty tune or a wild sound effect. When the title appears on the screen, it’s soundtracked by a smattering of aggressive laughter. Creeping up below the laughter is a distressing screeching noise, meant to indicate the rapidly fraying sanity of our heroine. 

So it’s quite fitting that Kevin Can F**K Himself makes a compelling case for why laugh tracks (or canned laughter) need to die a quick death. The series centers on Allison McRoberts (Annie Murphy), a woman trapped in a marriage to the titular Kevin. Kevin is an infuriating man-child. He throws keg parties on his wedding anniversary, spends obscene amounts of money on sports memorabilia, and treats Allison like an accessory. He is emotionally abusive, often making Allison feel worthless by telling her things like she’s a bad driver or that she never finishes things so that he can keep her all to himself. 

Approximately a third of the series takes place in lala sitcom land in which the lighting is abundant, the set is clearly facing an audience, and Kevin is always there, chewing up the scenery like Pac Man chowing down on glowing dots. However, whenever Kevin exits, Allison finds herself in a more contemplative and complex (aka: single-camera) existence. The trouble is she doesn’t have much of an identity anymore because her entire life has hinged on being Kevin’s long-suffering wife. The juxtaposition of the sitcom world against a more realistic setting serves to illustrate just how jarring and unnecessary canned laughter is to a TV show. When we watch dramas, we don’t hear people bawling over the sad parts or gasping during the shocking moments. Nope. So why do laugh tracks persist?

As an early millennial, I grew up in a world in which laugh tracks were the norm. From “Must See TV” on NBC in the ‘90s to the vintage sitcoms on Nick at Nite, comedy was always served up with a heaping side of giggles and guffaws. Historically, the sitcom cadence did rely on a call-and response reaction as they actually were often filmed in front of a live studio audience, but it was rare that the responses that made it to the final episode were genuine and uncut. 

To be clear, when I’m referring to canned laughter here, I’m not just referring to the prerecorded kind. Sure, that might be the official definition, but even the laughter we hear from live studio audiences is goosed in some way prior to airtime. The practice of “sweetening” the laugh track, or adding in favorable reactions to amplify certain jokes has been in practice for decades, and it’s still in use today. While the creators of a show might be able to proudly say that the reactions came from an actual audience, the reactions are almost always tweaked in post-production in order to punch up the jokes that the creators or network want to land. Therefore, the laugh track on all of your favorite sitcoms is a lie. 

An argument could potentially be made that the practice of adding in a laugh track might make people feel a sense of camaraderie or community with others watching. And this is somewhat true. In a 2011 article on laugh tracks, NBC News noted a 1974 psychological study in which it was found that people laughed more frequently if they heard canned laughter following a joke. These types of social cues can make individuals feel comfortable, but they can also promote conformity. Looking back on the history of sitcoms, it sure seems as if laugh tracks have been complicit in keeping misogynistic and racist messaging at the forefront of comedy.

Kevin Can F**K Himself plays with this idea in every frame of its sitcom world. Nothing is actually very funny within the brightly lit walls of the McRoberts’s house. As previously established, Kevin is simply awful. He’s a huge loser. Yours truly wanted to throttle him, Homer Simpson style, during every scene he was in. Yet, since the sitcom land dictates that Kevin is a damn delight, the audience plays along. 

(It’s worth noting here that Kevin Can F**K Himself was filmed in front of a studio audience. However AMC tells us that, due to COVID restrictions, the audience was small and far away, so the laughs were not picked up on the audio. Therefore, much of the laughter you hear on the show was added in post-production.)

The dynamic between Kevin, Allison, and the viewers in the studio is an exaggerated version of a tableau that has been unfolding on our TV screens for decades. We see a harried, hot wife play a straight man to a dumpy doofus husband, and we’re all supposed to think it’s simply hilarious. It’s worth noting that Kevin Can F**K HImself cribs its title from the Kevin James’ sitcom Kevin Can Wait, in which the series unceremoniously killed off James’s first super hot wife on the show (Erinn Hayes), only to replace her with his prior super hot sitcom wife, Leah Remini. Because women are oh so very interchangeable in the sitcom world, the laugh track on that show never skipped a beat. 

Canned laughter has historically enabled the entertainment world to lift up mediocre men such as Doug Heffernan (Kevin James), Raymond Barone (Ray Romano), and Kevin Gable (Kevin James, again) at the women’s expense. For ages, only a very small handful of white males were allowed to create content as showrunners, directors, and writers at networks. As they had control over the laugh track, they became the arbiters of what was funny and what was not funny. They got to shape reactions according to their worldview, painting the schlumpy dudes as heroes and the women as eager sidekicks. 

While there are oodles of examples of the long-suffering wife throughout sitcom history, we rarely think of these women as victims. All in the Family is considered a classic, but Archie Bunker was viciously verbally abusive to his wife Edith in almost every episode. Sure, it was a different era (and Archie surely isn’t intended to be a role model), but take away the laughs, and what’s left is a depressing portrait of a red-faced husband straight up screaming at his beleaguered wife. And don’t even get me started on The Honeymooners classic line, “to the moon, Alice!” Ahahahaha, yes, spousal abuse. Hilarious. Well, the laugh track thought so, anyway. 

In more recent years, verbal abuse on sitcoms focusing on husband-wife dyads has given way to a more subtle form of emotional abuse. Often, this appears in the form of financial abuse in which a spouse spends or hides money from the other in order to keep them in their place. In Kevin Can F**K Himself, Kevin consistently spends money without consulting Allison first. In one episode, he even proudly states that a recent purchase cost “more than our wedding, but less than our car.” 

This type of abuse has played out in sitcoms forever. Doug Heffernan often hid his spending from Carrie, Raymond Barone invested in a go-cart venture without telling Deborah, and even Fred Flintstone stole money from Wilma’s hidden stash (yep, The Flintstones was a cartoon, but it inexplicably also had a laugh track). These transgressions are generally perceived to be harmless on screen, leading to those canned laffs and a resolution in 30 minutes or less, but in real life, this type of clandestine behavior in relation to finances can be catastrophic, trapping an unhappy wife in a relationship with no means to escape. 

Even TV series that didn’t utilize the wife/husband premise – notably Frasier and Friends – often used audience laughter to support misogynistic punchlines. Friends notoriously used the laugh track to support harmful jokes about fat shaming and transphobia while Frasier’s archaic attitudes towards women were often played for comedy. Personally, I will never ever get over how Frasier Crane treated Roz Doyle, slut shaming her at every turn for over a decade when, in fact, Frasier was sleeping with half of Seattle with nary an eyebrow raise in his snooty direction. (Sorry, rant over. But, seriously, Peri Gilpin rules. #JusticeForRoz)

Laugh tracks help normalize these behaviors. If you’re not laughing at the joke when everyone else is, something must be wrong with you. Women have faced this exact dilemma since the beginning of time. Laugh along or be judged as cold and unfeeling. Be in on the joke or be tossed to the side. This truism is even noted in the recent HBO Max series Hacks in which aging comic Deborah Vance (Jean Smart) confesses to a newbie comedienne why she makes fun of herself in her own act. With a wan smile, Deborah says, “I realized they would rather laugh at me than believe me.”

These are the same exact challenges that Allison finds herself facing in Kevin Can F**K Himself. When Kevin is around, Allison tries her best to play the role she’s been given so that he won’t make her life even more miserable. No one believes or cares that Kevin is awful because they think Allison is lucky to even have landed a man at all. The series overtly illustrates that these types of stories have always just shrugged at viewers, telling us, oh well, boys will be boys, while women’s suffering is shoehorned into punchlines instead of taken seriously. Rather than confronting the thorny reality of disentangling the institutions that lift the Kevins up and keep the Allisons down, the sitcom world treats women’s pain like a joke.  

After years and years under Kevin’s oppressive thumb, Allison isn’t laughing anymore. She’s full of rage and ready to break free. When we see her in her life without Kevin, there are no prescriptive beats dictating what’s funny and what’s not. And it’s so refreshing. Life can be funny! Sometimes Allison is funny in her real life too! Annie Murphy is also very very funny! And yet, even in the absence of a laugh track, viewers can pick up on the funny. Because in this modern age of entertainment, viewers are savvy enough to know what they feel. 

As canned laughter has slowly disappeared, TV has opened up to more nuanced emotion, allowing viewers to discover and explore the highs and lows for themselves. It’s probably not surprising to learn that the few existing series that do still use laugh tracks, such as United States of Al and Bob Hearts Abishola – both airing on CBS and both created by Chuck Lorre – have been critiqued for leaning on racist and sexist stereotypes. Oddly enough, an urban myth has been circulating the internet for years, claiming that everyone on laugh tracks is actually dead because the recordings were made so long ago. As modern audio engineers now update their recordings regularly, this is not true, but the truth is that the laugh track itself is soon headed to an unmarked grave in the entertainment cemetery alongside tube televisions, Smell-O-Vision, and home video rentals.  

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

With critically acclaimed comedies such as Schitt’s Creek (also starring Annie Murphy!), Fleabag, and The Good Place getting laughs without any pre-recorded assistance, home audiences are getting more savvy as to what’s actually funny and what’s just a cheap shot. In addition, social media and the ubiquitous sharing of memes have effectively displaced the laugh track, as people can now actually be part of an interactive community with others, watching and reacting to the same show at the same time. 

In Kevin Can F**K Himself, canned laughter has finally taken its rightful place as a relic of the past. The chuckles and chortles that pepper the series are a knowing nod to a bygone era in which TV series tried to force the funny on viewers instead of letting them find their own way. Finally, laugh tracks aren’t in on the joke; they are the joke.

Kevin Can F**k Himself airs Sundays at 9 p.m. ET on AMC.

The post Kevin Can F**K Himself Shows Why The Laugh Track Needs to Die appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2UmnzJj

[cescalr]

Why Is Draco Malfoy So Underrated?

A repost of a Quora answer because Quora hates me for some reason

@vivithefolle​ i take little convincing here I go -

SO!

You. Yeah, you. You, nebulous quora questioner, you think Malfoy is underrated, do you? Well I, CescaLR, am here to set the record straight. The following is the answer I posted to Quora, that was flagged with ‘answer may need improvement’, which means some asshole was trawling the answers to the question posted and didn’t like mine so they had the moderators hide it because said person doesn’t like differing opinions. This post is thereby an archive, so if my answer is never again allowed to see the light of day on Quora, at least my maths is visible elsewhere. 

Hopefully, this entertains you, tumblr user reading this post. Also, as fair warning, if you do like Draco Malfoy and somehow stumbled across this post, I recommend skipping it. 

Why is Draco Malfoy so underrated?

Fleur Lee-Ranger

Author of 857406 words of fanfiction and counting.

ANSWER:

HAHAHAHA.

Ha.

Ha.

hah…..

For god’s sake, I hope you’re not serious.

Let’s look at YouTube, first:

Does 2.2 million f*cking views on a woobie Draco edit seem like he’s underrated to you? Any character that gets 2.2 million views on an edit that interprets the character in a sympathetic, caring light…. Jesus Christ. They’re not underrated.

You could make a clear argument for them being overrated, by matter of fact!

The first result is his entire life story, and a redemption of the Malfoy family as a whole, and it’s… super popular!

look at that! 70k likes versus 1.7k dislikes. Let’s use my favourite maths thing once again: Ratios!!

(I hate ratios. The things I do to prove a point, eh?)

This video has 5201431 million views. It has around 70k likes, 1.1k dislikes. We’ll round 5201431, as 70k and 1.1k are both rounded numbers and I can’t be bothered to deal with numbers that are too complicated right now, it’s nearly nine pm. 5201431 -> 5.2 million. It’s the rounded number YouTube itself uses on the search page - check the first image if you don’t believe me, and since YouTube thinks that’s good enough, so will we.

5200000 : 70000 : 1100

52000 : 700 : 11

Divide all by 11 (and round awkward numbers, because we’re already dealing in rounded numbers anyway, which is kind of bad practice, but it’ll do for this context):

4,727 : 64 : 1

As I’ve proven before (not on Quora, you can probably find it in the comments of one of my fanfictions, I’ll end up moving it over here one day when I find the right question), fandom content engagement rates are always pretty bad. But honestly? every four thousand or so views, you get 64 likes, compared to just one dislike. That’s great! That’s incredible! I’d kill for those kinds of ratings!!

(Draco’d probably wimp out, though. hehe. Jokes, jokes.)

As for his woobie video:

2.3m : 152k : 715

2300000 : 153000 : 715

Nice, don’t need to remove any superfluous zeroes. Bad, for… well, your hypothesis, to put it nicely, since that means there are only seven hundred and fifteen goddamn dislikes on this video, what the f*ck, why do so many people like this b*stard child.

Ahem. Sorry, that’s rude to illegitimate children like myself. There is nothing wrong with having unmarried parents.

…Anyway, lets slim down that ratio:

3217 : 214 : 1

Holy sh*t. I would do more than kill for this ratio. Oh my god.

That’s some great engagement there. So many likes! Clearly, Draco dearie is a very popular boy! He’d love that. I hate this on principle. God am I glad 13 year old me didn’t really use YouTube (I watched gaming content and little else, didn’t even find fandom content until 2015) or I’d have contributed one of those likes, probably.

Oh wait, no! Never mind! I can’t have contributed one of those likes, because this f*cking video was posted last year!!!!!

LAST GODDAMN YEAR!!!!

Do you understand that? Do you - do you have any idea how - just how difficult it is to get that many views that quickly and with that good an engagement???? Do you???????? It has been, get this, seven, seven whole f*cking months, Less time than it takes to make a baby, and this f*cking video has 2,265,900!!! million!!!! views!!!! With a ratio of 214 likes to one goddamn dislike.

oh my god.

oh my god

oh my god

I’m having a minor mental breakdown. Jesus f*cking H Christ on a goddamn bike.

Look at these comments! Look at how many likes they have!! Oh my god!!!! Draco Malfoy might just be one of the most beloved characters ever to get this sort of reaction, for hell’s sake!

I don’t know what kind of dunderhead you are to not notice how f*cking popular this jackass little b*stard boy is, but god, the whiny little sh*t has more fans than oh, I don’t know. Someone really popular. Tom Holland? I don’t know celebrities. Sorry.

But my point is, for god’s sake, Malfoy isn’t underrated. I don’t know what rock you’ve been living under, my friend, but that sheer idolisation you so crave of your wimpy f*cking husband is right there in front of you! Just search his name, and you’ll see it front and goddamn centre. Those of us that don’t worship the ground he walks on are generally much more background.

For god’s sake, he’s a trope namer.

Draco In Leather Pants.

How much more evidence do you need than that?

Of course, I could be jumping the gun. You could be a fan of his that is frustrated by the fanon interpretation of his character. ‘Why is he reduced to a bad boy with a heart of gold when actually he’s a more complicated asshole with sh*tty morality and no backbone that gives a whole ass damn about his family but not much else?’ Good question! Blame Cassie Claire, though I suppose that’s my go-to for most things.

Seriously though; Draco Malfoy is not even remotely overrated. He’s a whiny, terrible, useless waste of space in the books; and in fandom, he’s transformed into a cool, collected, redeemable or outright good person who’s smart and talented and like, super hot you guys, doesn’t he look cute with Hermione/Harry/Insert Author’s Projected Character Here?!!!!

Also: Y’all are f*cking creeps for this shit:

THAT’S A SCENE FROM WHEN THE KID IS TWELVE, FOR GOD’S SAKE. I’m not even joking, half of you are nonces and I want nothing to do with you! ‘hot draco malfoy edits’ HE’S TWELVE

HE’S TWELVE

HE’S TWELVE.

Hot take time:

Draco Malfoy is overhyped, overrated, and oversexualised and I want all of this to stop, because you’re doing it to Tom Felton, when he was a child. A child! That’s creepy! Please do not make hot edits of children, thank you!!!!!

Someone call the police. I’m done with this f*cking fandom, oh my god.

(Also, if you think I edited that in like some sick weirdo might do, just go find that video and give it a watch. I wouldn’t if I were you, I’d believe me, because watching that video probably puts you on a watchlist somewhere.

It should.)

Okay. Deep breaths. It’s been a few months, this answer was flagged with the wonderfully opaque ‘this answer may need improvement’, and I’m back to refine this. I’m not taking anything out, but I’m adding some extra investigation. For posterity’s sake; the original answer only contained YouTube analysis. Let’s look through Archive Of Our Own, shall we?

As I showed in my answer re: the well-liked-ness of Lilly and Hermione, this is the number of total fics within the HP tag.

This is the number of tags when ‘Draco Malfoy’ is added to the ‘included characters’ filter.

So, in terms of ‘fandom work presence’ (AO3 is mostly fanfic, but it is not all fanfic, there are a few vids and some art on there, too) Malfoy’s ratio is thus:

254603:65469

3.8889… : 1

4 : 1

So, rounding up, for every four works on AO3, there is one that includes Draco dearie. Good lord, he’s pervasive, isn’t he? Can’t turn a corner in the fandom without seeing his pasty ferret face plastered all over the walls… lovely.

Now, once again - that wasn’t the best ratio. I didn’t remove bashing, for example, so not all those works will be positive (as in, since you think he’s underrated, that means - I assume - you think people don’t like him enough) so let’s go the long mile:

I will find a ratio for Mr Malfoy Jr’s fans, versus his haters, in terms of - how many fics bash Malfoy, and how many greatly enjoy his existence?

Add the bashing tag, and now let’s see how many fics there are with a) Draco in it, and b) Draco Bashing:

hahahhahagag;k;asdkf

Oh no!

Oh my god I dodn’t…. one second… give me just one second….

Right. Laughing fit over, okay. 17.

So, 65469 works with Draco present, 17 of which don’t like him overmuch, and 65452 like him just fine/present him as he appears in canon! Awesome. Of course, people who present him as he is in canon may not like him the way you want him to, so, not awesome? Hmm. I’m not sure how to filter for that. I suppose you wouldn’t want people who write him OOC, though, because that’s not rating him properly, is it? Should we add OOC to the bashing, to get people who don’t appreciate his… many positive character traits… to the extent that you would like?

Yes, I think we should.

Now, there’s no tag for ‘OOC Draco Malfoy’, because that would make my life too easy. And, I’m not going through 151 works to figure out which ones have Draco being the one OOC. If they’ve written one person OOC, and they’re self-aware enough to tag it, then I’m going to meanly assume they’ve written Draco OOC as well. When one person’s out of whack, I’ve found everyone else is, too, so I’m not just doing this to be a dick, I promise, it’s for a real, good, understandable reason, one that is not only because I really don’t want to have to do any maths more complicated than basic ratios.

So. 151 OOC works, 17 bashing works. 168 works of not properly appreciated Draco Malfoy, coming up, which takes our 65469 Draco works down to… 65301.

Well, that’s a lot, still.

So, there’s still some tags to remove, like Evil, and Abusive, and all that lark. I’ll go do that quickly, and come back with the maths.

(okay, but I do have to show this:)

(fourteen works in the ‘Evil’ draco tag?? are you serious???)

(oh and you can’t filter by Abusive Draco Malfoy, like that’s not a tag, so I can’t exclude it, but it really adds to the general atmosphere of ‘Draco Malfoy? Yeah he’s cool I like him’ that this fandom has going on, doesn’t it?)

Alright so! We really only could take away those 14 works. Okay.

By the way, just so you know - I didn’t exclude tags like ‘Death Eater Draco Malfoy’ and ‘Bully Draco Malfoy’ (if the latter even exists), because those are things that happen in canon, and when I think of a character as being ‘underrated’ I include not acknowledging their canon actions, the bad and the good. A character is only as good as their complexities run deep.

So.

For the ratio, I guess;

65469 : 151 : 17 : 14

4,676.3571… : 10.7857… : 1.2142… : 1

4,676 : 11 : 1 : 1

…

Hmm.

For every 4 thousand 6 hundred fics Draco appears in, 11 of them have OOC tagged, 1 of them has Draco Bashing tagged, and 1 of them has Evil Draco tagged. That is…

That is unfathomably good. I’m really, genuinely having a hard time picturing it. I really, honestly, don’t think there’s been a character as unquestionably overrated as Draco Malfoy in all of fandom, because, good lord, look at that ratio! People love the guy!

Let’s see the good draco malfoy tag, shall we?

Now, to be fair, most people don’t bother tagging any of this sort of thing, usually, so that’s a minor flaw in my ratio-ing. We can’t actually know exactly how many works laud Malfoy, or hate him, or feel ambivalent, because people don’t tag their shit properly. But I’m hoping this helps, at least a little. Anyway, 905! That’s a few. Not many, but certainly more than Evil or Bashing or even OOC.

65469 : 905 : 151 : 17 : 14

4,676.3571… : 64.6428 : 10.7857… : 1.2142… : 1

4,676 : 65 : 11 : 1 : 1

Yep. That’s not bad, not bad at all.

So. Most people seem to like him, if we’re honest. As I pointed out above, he’s a trope namer. If you didn’t click on the link for Draco In Leather Pants, here’s a brief summary from the TV Tropes page:

[ Transcription:

Sometimes, a fanwork will portray a villainous character in a more positive light. It can be done out of sympathy for the character, for shipping reasons, as a part of a role-reversal story, several of the aforementioned or for the variety of other reasons.

The common subjects of this treatment are characters who are wicked in a classy or cool way. A physically attractive villain is much more likely to be subject to this trope than a physically ugly one; Beauty = Goodness, after all, and shallow as it may be, it seems that, for some fans, this is the case even when the character's beauty only extends to their appearance. All Girls Want Bad Boys may be a factor with male villains getting a female fandom that views them through this lens. A badass villain will naturally be preferred by many of these over meeker heroic characters at times, as well. Ugly Cute villains also get this pretty easily. ]

So! There’s that. He named a trope all about appreciating a character perhaps (usually definitely) more than they deserve, so I wouldn’t call him ‘underrated’ by most general definitions of the word:

People seem to mostly believe him to be quite good, actually! Certainly enough to write about him a lot, to draw him a lot, to edit him a lot, to theorise about him a lot, to ship him with the main character so much that the 99th filter ever on AO3 was Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter.

Hey, actually, that’s a good idea! Which filter id is Draco Malfoy?

Now, if I’m not mistaken, it’s been a while since I had to do this -

Draco Malfoy was the 1589th tag canonised in the tag system of AO3. Let’s check the Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter tag (which I know for certain was 99) to make sure:

And lo and behold, I was right. That’s mad. That’s mad!!!!

Ooh, I’ve found a fun trick

To change which rss feed you’re looking at, copy the https:// link up to .atom in the speech marks, and change the highlighted number. That shows you what uses that tag_ids: - in this case, 93 is Draco himself. The 93rd tag, dedicated to Draco Malfoy. Good lord, that’s insane! I guess there really weren’t many other things to prioritize at the time, but that’s still silly to me.

Fluff and Angst appears to be the fiftieth tag canonised, for comparison. Sometimes when you replace the rss feed’s ‘tag’ in the address bar it takes you to the tag’s page instead of the feed, because that tag doesn’t have an rss feed. The more you know!

Anyway, back on track: I think all of that, rss feeds, youtube analytics, fandom presence, all kind of proves my point:

Draco Malfoy is not underrated. He is, arguably, overrated as a character, but unarguably very popular within the greater Harry Potter fandom. Unpopular characters don’t tend to get paired with the lead, at the very least - and you can’t turn around in the Harry Potter fandom without seeing Drarry somewhere, can you?

[zeetasposts]

Oda Forces MBTI

Okay, so I am a secret MBTI fan, so I haven't found many done on Ikesen, so I decided to do my own.❤🌷

So for those who don't know Myers Briggs Type Indicator is a personality categorizer that splits humanity into 16 "freakishly accurate" groups. So I used https://www.16personalities.com as my info source! So without further ado...

Oda Nobunaga - ENTJ Commander 

"Commanders are natural-born leaders. People with this personality type embody the gifts of charisma and confidence and project authority in a way that draws crowds together behind a common goal. However, Commanders are also characterized by an often ruthless level of rationality, using their drive, determination, and sharp minds to achieve whatever end they've set for themselves".

So, I can definitely see the very charismatic confident and freakishly intelligent Nobu fitting this perfectly. It's no secret that Nobu has a certain charm that draws people in to back his goals and ambitions. As for ruthless, there must be a reason Kennyo and Shingen see him as a ruthless tyrant yikes.

So, here are his ideal compatible matches:

INTP, ISTP, and INFP

Mitsuhide Akechi - ENTP Debater 

"No one loves the process of mental sparring more than the Debater personality type, and it gives them a chance to exercise their effortlessly quick wit, broad accumulated knowledge base, and capacity for connecting disparate ideas to prove their points. Debaters are the ultimate devil's advocate, thriving on the process of shredding arguments and beliefs and letting the ribbons drift in the wind for all to see. They don't always do this because they are trying to achieve some deeper purpose or strategic goal, though. Sometimes it's for the simple reason that it's fun".

Hello sneaky kitsune! Did someone say using wit to tease people for fun! This is 100% Mitsu in my mind; he, after all, does gather info from the shadows and loves to tease everyone around him with his witty remarks. ENTP is the rule-breakers, they love making jokes and can size up situations super quickly

Ideal compatible matches INFJ, INTJ, and ENFP

Hideyoshi Toyotomi - ESFJ Consul

"Consuls are altruists, and they take responsibility to help and to do the right thing seriously. They base their moral compass on established traditions and laws, upholding authority and rules. Supportive and outgoing, Consuls can always be spotted at a party – they're the ones finding time to chat and laugh with everyone! Consuls truly enjoy hearing about their friends' relationships and activities, remembering little details and always standing ready to talk things out with warmth and sensitivity"

Mama-Yoshi sure loves to help and support everyone and anyone! He is the most social in the Oda forces, in my opinion- like he gets swarmed by a woman every time he goes shopping. As for upholding rules and authority, we all know poor old Nobu has to sneak around to get his candy fix when Mamahen is on patrol.

Ideal compatible matches ISFP, INFP, and ISTP

Masamune Date - ESFP Entertainer

"Entertainers get caught up in the excitement of the moment and want everyone else to feel that way, too. No other personality type is as generous with their time and energy as Entertainers when it comes to encouraging others, and no other personality type does it with such irresistible style. Wanting to experience everything there is to experience."

#Masa the hurricane. He spent the better half of his route encouraging mc to let go and have FUN! I mean, he drove off of a cliff for crying out loud, this boy is the embodiment of new experiences and playfulness. ESPF is reckless, daring and super energetic  

Ideal compatible matches ISTJ, ISFJ and INTP

Ieyasu Tokugawa - ISFJ Defender

"Defenders have excellent analytical abilities; though reserved, they have well-developed people skills and robust social relationships, and though they are generally a conservative type, Defenders are often receptive to change and new ideas. They have a tendency to underplay their accomplishments and may never be truly comfortable in the spotlight, personality type is private and very sensitive, internalizing their feelings a great deal".

I found it most difficult to match Ieyasu, but I think this fits him best. He is a sensitive soul that secretly loves helping and healing everyone. He always underplays his acts of kindness by his contrary behaviour, but we see you Yasu, we see you. ISFJ need their alone time to recharge, and their Patronus (Hello harry potter fans) is a deer so if that ain't a clear cut sign I don't know what is

Ideal compatible matches ESTP, ESFP, and ESFJ

Mitsunari Ishida - INFP Mediator

"Mediators are affectionate, kind, creative, and idealistic. Rewarding them and those they love not with logic and utility, but with a world view that inspires compassion, kindness and beauty wherever they go. Mediators can lose themselves in their quest for good and neglect the day-to-day upkeep that life demands. Mediators often drift into deep thought, enjoying contemplating the hypothetical and the philosophical more than any other personality type. Left unchecked, Mediators may start to lose touch, withdrawing into "hermit mode," and it can take a great deal of energy from their friends or partner to bring them back to the real world."

Mitsunari is a bight ray of angelic sunshine. We all know this boy goes straight into hermit mode; basically, the second he picks up a book. He is creative kind, caring, and if it weren't for mama-yoshi hand feeding him like a lil baby bird, he would probs starve to death. INFP is known to be sweet lil cinnarolls, and whose heads are always in the clouds.

Ideal compatible matches ENFJ, or the ESTJ, ENTP

I highly recommend you take the test yourself if you haven't yet!  Enjoy!❤

[atomicfilm]

INTP vs. ENTP

    ENTPs are more-likely to act on their dangerous ideas and take interest in harmless schemes. INTPs are more-likely to make jokes about doing that kind of stuff but don’t usually take action on it. If they do, it’s likely only because they’re with an ENTP. Every ENTP I have ever been friends with offline (there’s 3) has jumped off a parking lot garage for fun and I always think I’ll do it but I won’t. Because I’m not interested in actually being reckless without a potential trade off.

    There are ENTPs who present very similarly to INTPs and INTPs that are super close to ENTPs (that’s me). Neither one is better than the other and I love ENTPs, which is something I’m clarifying now before I criticize them. 

   First of all ENTPs are extraverts who seem introverted until you put them around their favorite people and then they’re obvious extraverts. They love to make plans with people. They love to entertain. And once you know as many of them as I do, you can expect to have your social calendar filled for the rest of your life. Seriously, I only know 3 and each one of them has separately invited me out every day this week. INTPs are true introverts. We can appear extraverted, as we’re not completely aloof, but that’s a skill that takes a lot of effort for us. At the end of the day, we crave space, and if we don’t get it, we’ll ruin our relationships. If I don’t text back an ENTP I have a close relationship within the day, they’ll think I’m mad at them. If they don’t text me back within the year, I’ll still think we’re okay. INTPs also typically have more physical boundaries than ENTPs and give off the vibe that we don’t want to be touched unless we initiate it. 

    To ENTPs, everyone is an audience. To INTPs, people choose to be their audience. INTPs are also generally more anxious about spreading misinformation/saying things w/o substance and will pause before doing so, ENTPs blurt out whatever. I would also say that stereotypically, ENTPs are cocky and INTPs are confident, aka, we’re more-likely to be very aware of our limitations and not try to step out of them unless we find it necessary for growth. However, neither trait is exclusive to one type. ENTPs are intentionally charming, INTPs just do whatever they want and you can take it or leave it. (I’m not sure about other INTPs and ENTPs at large, but I personally only compliment people on their intellect/humor whereas the ENTPs I know think it’s sweet to compliment people on their appearance a lot. I’ve noticed that the other INTP I’m close friends with is the same, in the three years I’ve known him he’s only said stuff like “you’re a genius” or “you have a lot of wit”. ) INTPs do tend to brag about being a savant and make competitions out of testing people’s knowledge. Those kinds of INTPs you should avoid. 

  When it comes to opinions, ENTPs, while they don’t necessarily like to show their true emotions, have no problem with displaying passionate beliefs. I’ve heard some ENTPs say they hate centrists, for example. A lot of the time, they support anarchy or libertarianism, or can at least argue in favor of them. Whereas INTPs are more-likely to either be more moderate in the presentation of their beliefs or desire to completely disengage from society. Also, we usually prefer to take niche beliefs than to pretend to have ones we don’t. INTPs are more honest about not knowing something and are also really good at calling bluffs. ENTPs are funny in that they underestimate INTPs a lot, INTPs are more prone to underestimate xxFPs but not really anyone else, nor do we overestimate. (And usually we underestimate people because there is an established pattern of being disorganized/flaky/taking irrational sides vs. ENTPs who underestimate because they simply think people don’t know as much as them.) 

  *ENTPs may win debates with tricks and by spontaneously trying on every type of available argument, INTPs will win by analyzing all of your logical flaws and if given the time, will make a well-thought out case of their own. 

   Also, INTPs have one particular interest or group of interests, but whatever it is, it’s very distinct. One INTP I know only reads Russian literature/murder mysteries and likes French history, one only likes to talk about domestic politics and the movie industry, I mainly like to talk about identity politics, physics, and biology. I have known one of my ENTP friends for 11 years and I’m still not sure what she’s passionate about as she’s not even slightly specialized. Likewise, ENTPs generally don’t know what they want to do with their lives but that’s part of the fun. INTPs have a starting point, maybe a five-year plan, but know that it needs to be flexible. ENTPs are still intelligent people, they’re just even more disorganized than INTPs and their knowledge is spread out more. 

   That being said, if you hate INTPs it’s probably because you think they’re obnoxious and stuck-up or always trying to one-up you. If you hate ENTPs, it’s probably because they didn’t take the time to be politically-correct. If you hate both it’s because we’re flirting with your romantic partner and it’s working. 

   Other than that, there are many kinds of ENTPs and INTPs.

   If you’re in high school or younger than don’t worry too much about it, you’ll naturally develop distinctly into one or the other.

**P.S. Mbti is a psuedoscience fyi so it’s okay to pick whichever one you relate to the most for fun. 

[hidelaney]

Hi Delaney!

Ah, yes the quarantine. It’s getting to me. Definitely. Suddenly I have no office to go to. But it’s good, I think. Make the CEO realize the upper management has no literal reasons to keep us in the office. Like at all. Seriously, everyone from my team is working from home and the level of productivity is actually better. Because guess what? Not having people breathing down our necks is SUPER helpful. So HA!

Okay, about Larry Stylinson. You’re right, I did fall into YouTube Blackhole. And Twitter. And I just watched 1D San Siro concert. By watching, I mean I actually paused the work I’m doing and looked at the screen while it played. Admittedly I was also doing chores but! It wasn’t just background music! It counted!

When I said I could put Larry Stylinson in a microwave and be done with it, I mean the theories and compilation videos are so readily available and easy to digest like, comparable to instant meals.

It’s so neatly packaged, too. Like, I was introduced to Larry Stylinson basically yesterday. Now I could recite the storyline in my head whenever I please. Or when I want to please you, in this case.

Let’s see if I can get it all summarized down here. FYI, I’m borrowing your assumption that Taylor was in on it the whole time. And Eleanor, too. Because I actually know of her existence now! Character discovery! Except they’re real people so I feel the need to point out that I’m making all the assumptions all over the place. I’m doing this for you, my dear Delaney.

Keep in mind that we all need character growths and personal developments when I make non-flattering assumptions toward your favorite people here, ok?

First up! HS & TL met in a toilet.

Now it’s debatable whether it was during an X-Factor audition or Battle of the Bands. For the sake’s of my next argument, I’m going with they knew each other before X-Factor. Likely during their time in White Eskimo and The Rogue, respectively. Their (unconfirmed?) first words to each other were ‘Oops!’ & ‘Hi’

Up next, the X-Factor audition and getting put together in a band.

So here is where I kind of needed my first assumption for this to work. Their chemistry was so obviously through the roof. It made so much sense if they were already sort-of friends and then got put together in a band. Plus, I don’t think the way Louis jumped into Harry’s arms is something a relative stranger would do. And if they only knew each other out of everyone there, it’s no wonder they were both so apparently clingy and codependent. It’s like a situation where both of them went ‘I have no idea what’s gonna happen next, but at least I know you and you know me. So we’re bestie now. No take back!”

And then there’re video diaries, twitter cams, radio interviews, and other broadcasting media they appeared in. These need no explanation because you’ve probably seen all of them and I have functioning ears and eyes. So, yes, I saw videos of them being all disgustingly cute all over the place. During the so-called ‘Fetus’ phase (a wording which I personally find rather disturbing, no offense to your anatomy textbooks or anything.) They’re so sweet. Especially whenever there’s a mention of how they moved in and lived together. Their interactions must’ve been responsible for so many tooth cavities. So many aww-worthy moments. On stage, on screen, behind the scenes, potato cams. Basically everywhere in front of everyone.

Then 1D blew up and were well on their way to become their label’s biggest and brightest BCG-metrix star. It’s not hard to see why investors’d be invested (lol) in employing every marketing strategy possible to keep 1D in the spotlight.

There’s a twofold marketing exploitation to Larry Stylinson that I see from miles away.

Hard sell the heteronormative version of the boys. (To capture major market shares)

Never had Harry or Louis explicitly confirm nor deny their relationship status. (To capture additional market shares with queerbaiting)

But let’s say Harry and Louis were actually together and making 1) too difficult to achieve. Otherwise this whole thing falls apart like a wet house of cards.

Thus, here came what I’d like to call ‘dousing a fire with gasoline’. This is where there’s a sudden drop of their interactions in public and Larry Stylinson isn’t a cutesy smashup name of two boys who got along like a house on fire anymore. This is the part where a ship turned into a full fledged conspiracy theory. And it’s MEGA COOL WICKED awesome.

I say this in the nicest way possible. A tragedy is the grandest form of entertainments. Misery loves having friends.

Also, I’d like to say this. I’m having fun thinking of this as a fictional arc. Because I still feel like it will shatter my heart in to a million pieces if anything resembling what I write next was true.

Since breaking into US market was the Kickstarter into a global one, to the US 1D went.

This was where the heavy closeting got way more difficult to handle. Elounor had the excuse of Eleanor being a private citizen and therefore should be left alone for the most part. Haylor was the complete opposite. Taylor Swift was and still is an American Sweetheart. Harry Styles might have been the most famous British Harry if it weren’t for a (former?) prince and a wizard. (Seriously, we should not call any of our hypothetical future children ‘Harry’ unless you thought ‘Albus Severus Potter’ was a good idea. Poor kiddo.)

The saddest part about Harry Styles public image was how reminiscent of Emma Watson it felt. The minute they turned eighteen, their media portrayals immediately became hyper-sexualized. Suddenly, they left the human zoo into an open hunting game. Famous lives are terrifying.

Anyhow, say, Taylor Swift knew what the US music industry was like. She’s been playing the long game for quite some time. She got to know Harry and then became rather protective of him. Her conclusion was that ‘hyping up Haylor’ would: 1) increase media exposure for both Taylor and 1D which would translate to bigger channels of revenue for all involved, 2) hold the speculation about Harry’s sexual orientation at bay because, as horrible as it sounds, gays don’t sell in America.

This one fit nicely with your ‘Out of the Woods’ interpretation. Taylor wasn’t just spending time with Harry. She was actively enforcing the lock on the closet. Which explains why Louis seemed to resent Taylor quite obviously and quite a lot. His own heteronormative scripts with Eleanor had been relatively tame. Harry’s whirlwind series of romances in public had only just begun.

As Harry started gaining a womanizer reputation in earnest, so did the Almost-Subtle Couple Tattoo Sprees.

If ‘Always in my heart @Harry_Styles . Yours sincerely, Louis’ tweet was a sign that circumstances were about to go south for them. The tattoos were signs that the circumstances had already gone to shit. The tragic package had been shipped, signed, and delivered.

This is where non-flattering assumptions rise to the surface. I think 1D had been overworked past the point of exhaustion. Self-destruction as a coping mechanism became rather prevalent and pervasive within the band. The boys gleefully collected regrets as a new favorite pastime, some more than others. Consequences were nipping at their heels.

Then Zayn left right in the middle of a world tour and all hell broke loose.

Here comes the biggest Assumption Affair!

Louis and Liam, the last to release their solo debut albums, were the most prominent songwriters for the band. I’m not going to go on about Liam because I’m here to give you Larry Stylinson. And this is already way too long as it is. But, needless to say, the first discussion of a prospective solo career probably hit them the hardest.

If each song they wrote was a battle scar, Louis was still bleeding for the band when Harry, of all people, brought up the idea of a hiatus and solo careers. Realizing how many songs Harry already had waiting in the back catalogue must’ve felt like a slap in the face. Or a punch in the gut. Whichever you think is worse/more dramatic. I’m not picky.

Remember self-destruction as coping mechanism? What about relationship-destruction as coping mechanism? Louis cheated and had a baby with someone else. Infidelity at its finest.

ALERT! THIS IS A NEON SIGN OF ASSUMPTION AFFAIR! Please don’t kill me. I told you I was gonna make unflattering assumptions toward your favorite people. I just did as I promised!!! *run for cover*

Anyway...

I’m gonna take you back a little. I mentioned earlier how Eleanor was a private citizen and therefore should be left alone. At times when Louis desperately needed to be left alone, Elounor makes so much sense. If she’s a PR-only girlfriend, she’s a stellar employee. If it’s not just a PR thing, she’s as forgiving as a saint. Just, if it’s Harry and Louis, they likely both messed up and hurt each other badly. If it’s Louis and Eleanor,... I mean... Have you seen a meme where you misspell a word so badly that the autocorrect goes, ‘I don’t know what to tell you, man’?... Louis would be that misspelled word and Eleanor would be the very best autocorrect that practically brute force through every word in the Oxford AND Urban dictionary to find out what that word was. If that’s who she is, then bless her soul. However, for the sake of this argument, we will proceed with the assumption that she’s the star employee of the decade.

Losing loved ones and grieving for them are inevitable parts of human lives. Nothing put more things into perspectives than losing someone so fundamentally dear to you. When I heard Louis Tomlinson’s ‘Two of Us’ for the first time, I remembered walking through an actual forest my grandpa planted for us because he wanted to make sure his great grandkids would have a nice home to grow up in. Do you remember when you called and told me that he died the night I got on my first solo international flight ten months after the fact? I wanted to hate you for keeping something this big a secret from me. I wanted to hate everybody at home for that. But then you told me that it was what my grandpa had wanted. That he didn’t want me to be a sad sack of an exchange student. That you decided to not listen to my parents and call to tell me just before I was due home. So that I’d have time to feel hurt about being lied to. So that I could get all the angry words out. So that I wouldn’t scream at my parents when I got home and learnt the truth. So that you could take the brunt of my grief instead.

I just took a break to have a little cry. Where was I? Oh, yeah. You did the best you could for me when I lost my grandpa. I still managed to effectively shut you out for months. Just because you were the messenger of the bad news. What I’m trying to say is that grief changes people. It changed me. For the worst for a bit. And then for the better once I came to term with what it means to me. There’s a quote from Rosamund Lupton that sums it up neatly.

“Grief is love turned into an eternal missing.”

I guess this is the part where I connected the dots back to Harry and Louis. Well, their music definitely give grief different names. Both albums talk about coming to term with it and moving forward. Every songs they wrote could be woven to fit the narrative of Larry Stylinson and events surrounding them. If you buy the theory, then the good news is both Fine Line & Walls seemed to have a positive ending. One thing I know for sure, though, is that no matter how convincing a conspiracy theory maybe, it could all be built upon a faulty assumption. I’d probably have a way easier time disregarding Elouner if I didn’t have you as a solid proof in my life that, yes, people like the best autocorrect exists. It’s funny how I feel no hesitation at all in categorizing Haylor as a calculated move. Because in my head that’s just par for the course in business. And it genuinely terrifies me in a way. Who the hell I could’ve become if it weren’t for you knocking me off the ground and pouring kindness on me.

I know I skipped a lot of stuff. Missing names like Caroline, Danielle, Kendall, Freddie, Camille, Xander, etc. But HS and LT have a decade of history on public record and, frankly, my interest ran out four paragraphs ago. So just let me conclude this.

I think it’s tiring, spending this much time speculating on someone else’s relationship history. I must admit that I had to get it out of my chest because it was way too interesting to let go off. But now, I feel like I’m just going to stream Heartbreak Weather and listen to ‘No Judgement’ on repeat. Nile is my favorite non-problematic celebrity. I could spell his name so wrong and it probably won’t be an issue as long as I politely say, “Sorry, Mr Niall Horan”

This quarantine clearly leaves me with too much time on my hands.

Virtual hugs and kisses

Your Incredible Sasha 😘

[ninzied]

in which karen becomes a reluctant cat owner. in a post-dds3 world with spoilers for tps2. written for kastle valentine 2019.

It wakes her up in the middle of the night.

She’d been dreaming of Fisk again – the cold hate in his eyes as he towered above her, so sharp he could snap her in two without even moving a finger. During the day, it’s easy to remind herself that he’s back behind bars where he belongs. That she’s safe. That even if that stops being the case, she’s still nowhere near helpless; she knows how to take care of herself.

The dreams are always another story.

She squints into the dark of her ceiling, things still trying to take some kind of shape in her mind. There’d been a gun this time, on the table between them. She’d been reaching, only to find her hands suddenly tied back behind her chair…

Karen’s dozing off when she hears it again.

Scratch, scratch. Scratch, scratch.

It’s louder this time, more insistent. Any notion of sleep has now left her, and she sits bolt upright in her bed, ears straining.

It’s coming from her window.

She’s halfway to the drawer with her gun when the scratching fades, and for a moment there’s nothing but wind, and the faint sounds of late-night traffic below. And then—

Mew.

[read more below or continue on ao3.]

It’s clear, and plaintive, and “You've got to be kidding me,” Karen groans, throwing on a robe before padding her way over to the windowsill.

There, perched on the other side, with slow-blinking grey orbs and a thick coat of black fur, is a cat staring back at her.

“Okay,” says Karen. “Hi, I guess.”

She’s always been more of a dog person. But the thing is so small and forlorn, it’s probably freezing outside, and who can hold her accountable for bad choices made after 2AM anyway, so she unlatches the window and cracks it half-open.

“Do you want to come in or not?” sighs Karen when the cat only sits there and blinks at her some more. “Going once…twice…” She steps away from the window to give it more room to decide. A breeze works its way in, and she shivers, firmly closing the front of her robe.

The cat gazes at her a second longer, and just when Karen’s about to give up and call it a night, it slinks a paw inside, patting around as though feeling things out, before leaping onto the floor. One of its hind legs, she notices, is shorter than the others, giving it an odd little sway as it walks, but its movements are otherwise steady, assured.

By the time Karen’s closed her window and turned back around, the cat is nowhere to be seen, save for a blur of possible movement near the foot of her coffee table.

“Please, make yourself at home,” she speaks into the semi-darkness. There’s a faint but unmistakably smug-sounding yowl from the general vicinity of her couch cushions, and Karen trudges back to her own bed, half-hoping that when she wakes up in the morning, this will all have turned out to be some very strange dream.

…

“You got a cat?” asks Matt the next day, and she curses his sense of super-smell, the hint of amusement as he quirks his head in her direction.

“More like the cat got me,” grumbles Karen, making a beeline for the kitchenette without bothering to dump her things off at her desk. All the coffee in the world isn’t going to wake her up from this nightmare, that apparently she’s become one of those people. Those people who give off the impression of owning a cat.

“I tried to get us a cat once,” Foggy pipes up. “But Marci said over her dead body, so I decided not to press the issue.”

“I would gladly let you take this one off my hands.” Karen sips her coffee, leaning into the wall for a moment. “Matt…you seem like a cat person.”

Matt’s face twitches with a smile. “I don’t know whether I should be insulted or flattered.”

“Oh, I do,” says Foggy helpfully, before turning back to Karen as she treks slowly over to her desk. “Why don’t you drop him off at a shelter or something? The cat, I mean. Not Matt. Of course.”

“Of course,” echoes Matt, with a shake of his head.

“Seriously, though. They could help find him a good home. One that doesn’t have to be yours, if you don’t want it to be.”

“Her,” Karen corrects absentmindedly. “It’s a her. I think.” She sets down her mug, picks up the day’s Bulletin that Foggy’s made a habit of bringing in for her. She should grab some more bread from the store on her way home. The cat had gone through her last loaf earlier that morning.

“So what do you have against them, anyway?” Matt’s thumbing through case files, still looking faintly entertained by the whole situation.

Karen turns to the crime beat section, her old stomping grounds. The headlines rush together, no particular names standing out. She breathes again, and shrugs to Matt, “Nothing against them. They just don’t happen to be dogs.”

“Fair enough,” says Foggy. “Though I had this one cat growing up and sometimes I swear you could not tell the difference.”

“They have zero loyalties to anything, apart from themselves. And they’ll walk all over you if you let them.” She frowns at the memory of trying to shoo the cat back outside that morning, the look of disdain she’d gotten in return before the cat jumped onto her bed and made herself comfortable there.

“Some might call that self-sufficient.”

“And I saw a study once suggesting that most cats recognize the sound of their owner’s voice over a stranger’s, but only ten percent of them actually bother to acknowledge it.” Not that she'd planned on naming the thing or testing out any part of this theory.

“Nothing against them, you said?” Matt asks her in an innocent tone.

“You know,” says Foggy, “if I were to die suddenly, just keel over in my living room one day, and my cat had to starve – let’s say, for argument’s sake, that Marci’s, I don’t know, she actually made good on her threat if I got one – I would not blame it for eventually needing to eat both of our bodies.”

“Cats wait on average fewer days than other pets do under those circumstances.”

“I thought we were on the same side here, Matt.”

“Doesn’t matter anyway,” groans Karen, dropping her forehead into her hands. “I can’t leave her at a shelter. She has this gimpy back leg. Nobody’s going to want to take her.”

“Shame,” Foggy says mildly. “Wonder how this story ends?”

…

She takes the cat to the vet. On the unlikely chance that the cat’s been chipped and belongs to someone (she doesn’t), and to get that leg checked out while they’re at it (healed from a bad break that had never been properly tended to).

She tells herself she’ll give it one week, max, to figure something out. Something more permanent, that doesn’t involve cat litter strewn all over her bathroom, claw marks on the sides of her couch, and more than one broken glass that she shouldn’t have left on the counter.

At least she has an excuse not to think about buying flowers for her windowsill anymore.

Karen tells herself all of this until they’ve left the vet a second time, with a schedule for catch-up vaccines and a two hundred dollar bill that’s telling her otherwise: this cat is now hers, whether she likes it or not.

She’s never been more grateful for Matt’s heightened senses, when it saves her the trouble of having to admit it out loud. To his credit, he breathes not a word, though she doesn’t miss the way his mouth turns up at the corner sometimes when she re-pockets her emergency lint roller, or starts cutting out coupons for Petco in the Bulletin ads.

And Foggy's only comment, after a few weeks of staying silent on the matter: “So when can I come meet your new girl?”

…

They fall into an easy routine.

The cat is the first thing she sees in the morning, sharp little paws kneading relentlessly into the blankets until Karen finally rolls out of bed with a groan. She’s stationed by the door when Karen returns from the office every late afternoon – sometimes late evening, depending – winding herself around Karen’s legs, tripping her up and loudly asking for food in the same breath.

She’ll never admit it, but it’s…kind of nice, to have this small ball of comfort, curled warmly beside her at night. Nudging a cold, wet nose in her ear when she falls asleep with the TV still on. Ignoring her, too, on days when she simply can’t be bothered, sitting by the window with a prowling gaze on the squirrels and pigeons instead.

It’s quiet, and the quiet is something Karen wants so badly to count on. To believe that the noise can be over, that maybe her ‘after’ can be something as simple as coming home to a stray that’s decided it belongs with her there.

The dreams come less frequently now, and it’s nice, to be able to sleep through the night again.

Karen still doesn’t know what to call her, which appalls Foggy more than anyone else. But none of the things he suggests sound quite right to her, and she keeps stalling, saying she’s sure the inspiration will come at some point.

“What are you waiting for?” Matt finally speaks up, without judgment, only a gentle curiosity to his tone, and Karen wishes she knew how to answer him.

…

When his name starts showing up in the papers again, Karen’s running late for work. The cat had hurled up a hairband at breakfast, and as an apology for showing up probably smelling like vomit, Karen had grabbed bagels on her way in.

Something’s wrong the moment she walks through the door. Matt’s back is to her, but it stiffens at unnaturally sharp angles before she’s even opened her mouth to greet them, Foggy doing his level best not to betray anything in his own expression.

“Did you know?” Matt asks without turning, an accusation in every word.

Karen shakes her head, bewildered. She’s still standing in the doorway, bag limp at her side. “Know what?”

Foggy meets her gaze from his desk in the corner. “Frank,” he says, and it feels as though all the air has been sucked out of the room, her chest burning with things that she’d long thought snuffed out. “Frank Castle is back.”

…

His face is splashed all over news outlets, every bit as battered and bruised as Karen last saw it so long ago, as their bodies swayed together in that elevator stopped between moments in time. She wonders, in all the months that have passed since then, whether he’s known any peace – any healing – or if the bleeding’s never stopped.

He’s wearing the vest as he charges down streets on CCTV, and even with the volume on mute she can feel the ricochet of his gunfire, hear the ground-out fury of his voice every time his mouth curls on a snarl.

The cat has taken an interest in the news as well, looking alert as the camera goes blurry around Frank for a moment. Her tail thwips back forth, back again, and then she’s stretching over Karen’s leg, resting her chin on her two front paws. She lets out a low, rumbling purr when the edges of Frank begin to sharpen again, her eyes never leaving the screen.

“Not you, too,” sighs Karen, scratching behind her ears as the footage replays. Frank storms down the street one more time, face set in so much rage. She reaches for the remote, but can’t bring herself to shut it off.

She doesn’t sleep much that night.

When she does dream it’s short, fragmented. Impossible to piece together in a coherent way. Fisk pays her another visit, but in place of the gun this time it’s Frank on his rampage, his outline fuzzy with static, and no sound comes out when he's shouting at her.

“Frank,” she says, and her voice sounds strong as she reaches for him, each time he gets close enough to touch her. “Frank.” But then his footsteps rewind, and he’s running towards her only to backtrack again, over and over without closing any new distance between them.

Karen’s never been one to take stock in dreams, but it feels oddly like foreshadowing, when she un-cuffs him from his hospital bed a few days later.

So make it mean something.

Turns out it never meant anything at all.

…

Karen calls out of work for two days, after that. Hoping that’s enough time to get Frank’s scent out of her skin.

She needn’t have bothered. They would’ve put two and two together, after seeing the news. The shootout on the overpass. The TV reports of Sergeant Mahoney giving interviews from his own hospital bed, staying strangely tight-lipped on the matter of Frank Castle’s escape from his custody.

Karen wears flats to the office, and doesn’t say much under Matt’s own wordless scrutiny, the tight smiles that she knows don’t reach his eyes beneath those darkened frames.

There’s not much to say that hasn’t already been said.

Poor Foggy’s left with the task of mediating the silence between them, telling stories, cracking flat but good-natured jokes about their clientele, finally resorting to asking after Karen’s “She Who Still Has No Name” cat.

“She’s fine,” says Karen, thinking of late nights watching the news, and the content little meow every time Frank’s scowling face appeared back onscreen.

Matt breaks his silence at last, uttering a quiet, “Was it worth it, Karen?” He speaks without slowing the speed of his fingers over the papers in front of him, and the blood floods up to her ears in one deafening rush.

Screw you, Matt.

But then the image of Frank is fighting to the surface again, stumbling forward without daring to touch her in any way before turning his back on her for the last time. I don’t want to. I don’t want to.

It’s impossible to say, in that moment, which of the two has disappointed her more.

Was it worth it, Karen?

“Always.” Her tone is perfectly even, but her heart is pressed tight to the walls of her chest, and she’s not sure even she knows the difference anymore, between the truth and the lie.

…

Karen tells herself a lot of things. That she can’t forgive him so easily this time – if he even gives her the chance not to. And perhaps that’s what burns her more than anything else, that he’s always the one who decides when to show up, with flowers or a burner phone (a broken-sounding Please, and a soft kiss to her cheek that she’d felt there for days afterward). He’s always the one who gets to say no. He’s always the one who does the leaving.

She tells herself it doesn’t matter. There is no more this time, or whatever comes next, not for them. He’d made it quite clear where he stood on the matter.

(At least one of these things is definitely a lie.)

Karen winds up so determined to make it mean nothing, on her own terms, that in retrospect she should have known.

Her cat – Karen’s tentatively started to call her different names in her head, just to get a feel for how they sound – should have clued her in too.

After the newscasters start to run low on fresh Punisher material, her cat takes to sitting by the window for long hours instead, as if he’ll just come strolling around the corner of her block next.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t hold your breath,” Karen mutters, turning away as a garbage compactor rolls down the street.

Mrrow, says her cat, unblinking.

“Don’t look at me like that. I don’t make the damn rules.” Karen sinks into the couch with coffee in hand, a book on something lighthearted in the other. She props her feet on the table, tosses a throw over her knees, and focuses on the forgetting of things for a while.

She starts back awake to a series of clattering sounds, blinking through a haze of sleep and the dim lighting of just-sunset to find her cat pawing animatedly at the window. She catches a flash of something dark in the periphery, so quick she thinks she might have imagined it.

“Oh, for Pete’s sake…” Karen wraps the blanket over her shoulders and drags herself across the room, sighing all the while. She crouches down over the cat, running a hand over her back to calm her. “What did you find, hmm? Was it a big bad raccoon?”

The cat makes a chirping noise, and Karen looks up.

“Definitely not a raccoon,” she breathes, heart slamming up against her rib cage as Frank eases himself down from her fire escape. He opens his mouth, the gravel in his voice smoothed out by the windowpane between them.

She would still know the sound of her name in that voice anywhere.

“Karen. Hey.”

…

She can feel his eyes on her as she moves around the kitchen, trying to remember where she’d last put her bottle opener. Two beers sit unattended on her kitchen island, a bead of sweat dripping down each neck, and when had it gotten so hot in here?

She grips the edge of the counter with both hands, forcing herself to breathe for a moment.

She still can’t bring herself to look at him.

The cat is purring up a storm at his feet, tail brushing over his legs, spine arching in a very clear demand to be picked up.

What did I tell them? Karen can’t help but sigh. No loyalty whatsoever.

“Ah,” grunts Frank, glancing down with a slightly bemused expression, and Karen finds herself holding her breath again, wondering. He’d always struck her as more of a dog person. “Hey, sweetheart.”

His gaze flicks back to hers, searching for any signs of disapproval before he’s bending over, scooping the cat up in one hand.

“Got yourself a guard dog, I take it?” He lets out a low chuckle, lower lip snagging between his teeth as the cat crawls over his chest, rubbing her forehead under his chin. God, what a traitor.

“Yeah.” Karen crosses her arms. “Something like that.”

Frank brings his other hand around to cradle the cat’s shortened back leg. Karen can hear her purring from all the way across the room. “She, uh. She’s a real friendly one, isn’t she.”

Karen’s tone is sharp, pointed. “She’s not that great at deterring intruders.”

Frank drops his head down, nodding to himself for a moment. “Look, I can go, if that’s what you want, Karen, I just. Had to see how you were doing.” The sentiment falls flat and they both know it, a cringe twitching across his features. He surveys the room, and she can see him measuring out the space in his head, all the things still standing between them. He nods again, giving the cat one last scratch to the chin before releasing her. “I’ll go.”

Karen shrugs a shoulder at him, shaking her head. “It’s what you do best, Frank.” The words are out of her mouth before she recognizes the dark place that they’d come from, and the shame of it stops her short.

It’s what you do best, Karen.

Frank knits his brow together, looking more somber than she’s ever seen him, and he turns to leave.

“Wait.” She uncrosses her arms, holds out a hand to him before letting it drop. “Just – wait.” She comes around to the side of the island and stops there, gazing at him, willing him to understand her. She can’t be the one always reaching for him. Not this time. Not anymore.

Frank closes his eyes for a second, draws in an audible breath like he’s searching deep within himself for something. When he looks at her again, he seems to have found it, his expression painfully bare, and she can see every one of his bruises, new cuts that have formed over half-healing scars.

Slowly, he makes his way over to her – less gingerly than he’d needed to at the hospital, but there’s still a carefulness to his movements, like she might decide not to let him any closer, and he wouldn’t blame her for it.

Karen swallows, gestures into the space between their bodies. “What is this, Frank?”

His breath shudders out. His voice is gruff, hoarse like he hasn’t used it in days, and maybe he hasn’t, not in this way. “You mean something. To me.” He redistributes his weight, nudging himself just a little bit closer. She still hasn’t moved.

“God, Karen, I—” Frank shakes his head, mouth pulling upward with a kind of disbelieving laugh. “I did some thinking, after, with the kid, okay, and it made me think, made me realize—”

He breaks off, gaze piercing through hers. His body goes perfectly still, and she knows the effort it’s taking him, knows that it can’t just be nothing, that it never was, after all.

“You might mean more than anything else that there is, and that – that scares me. That terrifies the shit out of me, yeah? That gonna be okay with you, Karen?”

His voice cracks on her name, and suddenly they’re swaying together, her arms coming up to his shoulders to steady him. To steady them both, and it’s messy, it doesn’t un-complicate all of the damaged pieces that don’t fit quite right with them yet, but it’s a start. It’s a start.

Her breathing evens out in time with his, and then she slides her fingers down to gently grasp around his wrists. His palms turn upward, dwarfing her own. He squeezes her back instead of letting go.

“Both hands, right?” she says to him, and he whispers her name like a kiss to her forehead.

…

He eventually falls asleep on the couch, with her copy of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up still splayed open over his lap. The cat is comfortably dozing away on his chest, his arm draped protectively around the side of her body. The furrow lines between his brows are smooth, relaxed, and there’s no movement behind his eyelids, no tossing and turning like she’d seen at the hospital.

It’s a disarming sight, and for a moment Karen can only stand there, watching the rise-fall-rise of their slumbering, before tucking a blanket over them both.

She lets a hand linger, brushing back some stray hair from Frank’s forehead. The top of it has gotten long, she thinks, with a feeling that she realizes is fondness, and it leaves her chest warm as she starts to tiptoe away from the couch.

Impulsively, she leans back over him before she’s out of range, pressing a light kiss to the square of his bruised-up jaw. He stirs without waking, but the cat blinks up at her for a second, stretching her paws and closing her eyes again when Karen gives her head a gentle little scratch.

“Night, my love,” she whispers, and they’re both shifting, curling into each other as Karen takes another step back. Frank’s nose is half-buried into the cat’s fur now, a deep, sleepy rumble sounding out of his throat, and it’s hard to look away from them, like this might all simply disappear if she does.

Karen forces herself into her bedroom, but she leaves the door open, and she falls asleep to the thought of what this new after could be – just Frank, and this cat, her two broken strays that have made a home out of her heart for good.

…

Fisk is there again, shouting things and threatening violence, but he’s started out farther away this time as he advances toward her, and from this distance, he almost seems small.

“Karen.”

She looks around, confused.

“Karen!”

Something warm closes over her wrist, a phantom touch that she can’t see, but she would recognize the sound of her name in that voice anywhere.

She puts the gun down.

Frank is hunkered over her when she opens her eyes, his gaze troubled and bright in the dark of her bedroom as his mouth forms over her name over and over. “Hey. Y’okay?” He rasps the words out, still bleary with the last remnants of sleep. His hair is standing at an angle on one end, and Karen resists the urge to run her fingers through it.

He helps her sit up, one hand palming the back of her skull, and it’s warm, he’s warm all over, as she leans an arm into the crook of his shoulder. The bed bounces slightly under their weight as he reaches with his other hand, sliding a rough thumb over her elbow, pressing the bridge of his nose to her temple and breathing in deep.

“It’s always the same dream,” she tells him, and she knows he must hear it, the echoing of his own previous words.

Frank licks his lips, hanging his head with something like shame for a moment, as though he wants to ask of her things that he has no right in asking.

“Listen, Karen, I…” He trails his fingers over the soft part of her forearm, before coming to linger down by her wrist. “You were there for me, always are, even when I don’t—” He breaks off again, watching the way their hands twine together. “Guess what I’m trying to say is, if I can be that for you, I’d. I’d really like to give it a shot, yeah?”

Frank looks at her now, face sculpted in moonlight, so vulnerable that Karen aches all over to look back at him. She tightens her grip on his hand. “I’d like that too,” she tells him.

He lands a kiss to her knuckles, tender and careful, warm with the promise of more. She can feel his breath shaking over her skin, cooling the spots his mouth had touched. She rests her head against the slope of his shoulder, eyes drifting closed as he brushes his fingers up and down the side of her arm before finally weaving into her hair again.

There’s movement at the foot of the bed, and a soft chirruping meow as the cat pads over to join them, tail grazing their hands where they’re joined.

“She got a name?”

“Work in progress,” hums Karen. “Kind of thought for a while she would just up and leave at some point, before I got something to stick.”

Frank’s quiet for a moment, mouth skimming back and forth over her hairline. She pictures those lines in his brow creasing again, deep in thought about what she’s said. “That right?”

“Mm.”

He comes to rest with his mouth by her ear, nuzzling a slow little kiss there. “Think it might be time to give her one, then.”

Karen stretches into him, head falling sideways, letting him find her pulse point next. “Think so?”

“Yeah,” Frank murmurs, heat tracking over her skin as he breathes her in like time has no meaning – like he wants to learn all that he can of her, and then keep on going, no end in sight, no war zones, just this. She thinks she’s never wanted anything more either. “Yeah, Karen. I do.”

[rat-apologist]

A Semi-In depth Review of Anna Todd’s After

So I’ve been seeing the trailer for the movie adaptation of this book every five seconds on my Instagram feed, and as a proud dyslexic unwilling to sit down and read it, I listened to the audiobook.

Again, these are all my opinions, if you don’t agree that’s okay.

Here is a quick, spoiler free plot synopsis for those who want/need it: Being moved from Wattpad into the real world of publishing, After follows a girl named Tessa, who simultaneously has the mentality of a five year old and an old man from the 1800’s. She is eighteen years old and is going to college to be an English major. Tessa loves control, planning, and books. She's an introvert at heart, and “not like other girls” (i.e. dresses conservatively, is a virgin (the books words, not mine)). She has a shitty mom and a nice, preppy, boyfriend who is still in high school, and her life is completely planned out. That’s all turned upside down when the poster child for emotional abuse named Harden (harry styles) waltzes into her life during a frat party her first week of college. Your typical Wattpad/teen movie drama ensues.

(the actual review under the cut)

This review is chock full of spoilers for Anna Todd’s book After. If you want a good idea of what I thought about this book without any spoilers I’ll just say this: I can really honestly say I was never bored while listening to this book. However, that is not necessarily a good thing. Often times I was just too much in awe of the clunky writing and truly evil supposedly “redeemable” characters to be bored. On a one to five star scale, I’d probably give it a two. More on that later.

Here are the things I liked:

(this one is only applicable to the audiobook) the narrator was amazing, her voice acting was very appropriate (though she did tend to drop accents sometimes- but that is forgiven because of how otherwise amazing her line delivery was- especially considering the quality of the dialogue).

Landon and Dakota were my favorite characters, and even though they had no personalities beyond what they meant to Tess and how they interacted with Harden (Hardin? Again, I listened to the audiobook I’ve got no idea how to spell that lmao) they still made the book better to listen to.

Despite the repetition of plot/narrative structures I can happily say again that I was never really bored.

Okay moving on to more mixed-bag feelings:

So the last chapter was from Harden’s perspective, and I thought that was an interesting idea. Learning what one character thinks, especially since our protagonist is, how you say, a little bad at reading/interacting with other human people. However the execution left something to be desired for me. It quite literally was just the exact same scene we just saw from the previous chapter, but from Hardens perspective instead of Tess’s. Which was just ended up being unnecessarily repetitive at times.

I liked how Tessa tried to be less judgmental throughout the book, however her growth is very, very limited.

I liked the fact that they mentioned they used condoms in pretty much every sex scene, and that most of the time clear verbal consent/clear nonverbal consent was given for the sexual stuff. That does not happen often in books, especially in fan fiction from what I understand.

I like that Tess does stand up for herself, while I could sometimes see myself comparing her to Bella Swan considering how much of her personality does kind of revolve around her relationship with Harden, she certainly was more vocal about her feelings. And boy, did she have a lot of feelings.

Moving on to the things I didn’t like, this is probably going to be a mix on writing, characters, and plot points so bear with me. (I’m saving my many thoughts on the twist for last)

Okay so a big number one is the biggest plot driver, the love story. So, I feel like it goes without saying, but the main relationship is SUPER unhealthy. Harden constantly stalks, manipulates, and bullies Tess throughout the whole book. He is pretty much abusive, using her caring for him to his own advantage and then dropping her when it suits him. Plus his hyper-sexualization of her “virtue” is really really nasty. Tess pretty much cries in every interaction they have together, and even acknowledges how toxic their relationship is, and yet I’m supposed to root for them? Hmm… I don’t think so

The near constant slut shaming and girl hate in this book bothers me, especially when it’s mixed with the hints of “I’m not like other girls” from Tess

The character descriptions kinda weird me out considering how much Harden is described like Harry Styles, like literally a tumblr punk edit of Harry Styles

The dialogue is… bad. To all the writers out there (myself included) make sure you read your dialogue out loud to see if it sounds natural, that way if your Wattpad fanfiction ever does get published, and your book is adapted into audiobook, you’ll avoid a situation like this one. Because, especially listening to it, the dialogue in this book is really really bad. Honest to god it sounds like robots imitating humans are talking to each other, only they’re trying to convince the other robots that they are humans. For some reason Anna Todd avoided using contractions for most of the book, making the characters sound unnatural and completely out of their predefined characters. Why would these college students not use words like “it’s” “we’ll” and “we’re”? It is truly astonishing, and it makes the few uses of contractions really distracting. Normally I don’t give a shit about grammar since I don’t really understand grammar, and normally grammatical errors aren’t that obvious when listening on audio, but the dialogue was seriously that bad.

The pacing was bad, that’s kinda all I have to say. It was generally too quick during plot development but then took a screeching halt for each fight/sex scene (of which there are many)

The repetition of certain words/phrases really got annoying. Everyone's always screaming, biting on their lip, or smirking. Harden is rude, as Tessa mentioned about eight million times, and Tessa finds his dirty talk arousing. We know this, because Todd uses those phrases about a billion times a chapter.

The sex scenes kind of grossed me out. I’m (in general) fine with sex, but the way the sex scenes were written seriously ucked me out. These college kids avoid using words like “penis” “dick” “pussy” etc. and use really really juvenile words like “down there” and “length”. Maybe this is a fanfiction thing, and I’ll admit that I have not read essentially any fanfiction, but it is truly a disturbing way to write sex. Especially since Tessa is written to have the experience and understanding of sex as like a child, not even understand what an orgasm is and unwilling to say words like penis or vagina, something our loverboy Harden is super attracted to, by the by.

I hate that this book uses “girl almost gets assaulted so man can come in and valiantly protect her” trope. It is super gross and I hate it. That’s kind of all I can say, the use of women's pain so that men can get some amount of redemption is awful.

More on Harden: I am sick of the “violent, broken man that I promise I can fix!” trope. It is used to justify and excuse abuse and I hate it. Tess is honestly scared of him several times in the book and it’s played as a personality quirk of his? Like everyone just accepts that’s how he is? I know for the most part we aren’t supposed to “like” him for the first part of the book, but it’s obvious that the author wants us to root for him and Tessa in some capacity. Especially with the inclusion of his perspective at the end, which in a way is exactly the kind of manipulation that he is into so idk. Also he is possessive despite the fact that they weren’t dating, and he is very clear he does not date. That’s already abuse, but of course there is more. On top of that he is cruel, and pretty stuck-up throughout the book- making him pretty much insufferable to me. And all of this shit just gets worse once the twist is introduced, and no amount of his whining from his chapter could at all change that.

The rest of the characters are all either boring, or the worst people you could ever meet. Tess’s mom, Molly, Jace, all really terrible to offset the horror of Harden. To almost justify what he does- because comparatively he doesn’t seem as bad (up until the twist).

The twist. Dear god the twist. So, as it goes it isn’t an extremely inspired twist. I’ve seen it done before in a similar way (I’m looking at you, Ten Things I Hate About You). For those who are wondering: the big twist is that Harden only really pursued Tess in the beginning because after she revealed she is a virgin at a party early on in the book he makes a pricey bet with Zed (another side character only used to add ~drama~ to Tessa and Harden’s relationship) to see who can take her virginity. All of the subsequent bullying, possessiveness, manipulation, etc. were all a ploy to have sex with her before Zed could. I feel like it goes without saying that that’s disgusting, but let me tell you exactly why: at least if he was actually interested in her at first his weird behavior could possibly be passed off as hormones (I wouldn’t like it, but I’d understand it  more if you’d try to make that argument), but the fact that it was all for a bet not only makes his disgusting actions worse, but makes the fact that he supposedly falls in love with her so much more annoying. Plus, the fact that he literally tries to trap Tessa in a lease so she can’t leave him, and tries to bribe his friends into silence really shows how little he actually cares about Tessa and her thoughts and feelings.  

So, why two stars? Honestly, because I was entertained (for lack of a better word) by this book. Maybe if I actually read it and not just listened to the audiobook it my rating would be lower, maybe if there was just one more sex scene to slow down the pace I would have been more bored. Who knows, but I was entertained. Sometimes by how terrible the dialogue is, by how astonishing the characters decisions were, sometimes by the actual plot. It’s like watching a shitty soap opera, it’s not good by any means, but it certainly keeps your attention.