#seriously it's crazy how that happens
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i love when y'all go "I noticed this (insert very small detail) and I love it but it might be a crazy theory" because like a good 87% of the time y'all guess something right on the money and I can't tell you
#erinwantstowrite#ao3#ao3 fanfic#writing#seriously it's crazy how that happens#“this is such a small detail that it must not be significant”#me who absolutely put that small detail there to be siginifcant: :3
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So insane reading about Kev's skills from the perspective of someone who'd played with him before his hand was broken. Like yes Neil was obsessed with him and yes he knew he played differently with his right than his left—but reading it from JEAN'S perspective?? Life changing stuff. When he said the Ravens' defense forgot what Kev was like before he switched hands? I lost my mind.
#he made fools of the defensive line#FOOLS#that whole game was insane from Jean's perspective#one of my fav parts of tsc#he was seriously gagged#and so was i#even tho i knew what was going to happen#tsc#the sunshine court#all for the game#aftg#aftg tsc#jean moreau#kevin day#neil josten#kevin is so fucking good at exy and i think sometimes i don't appreciate that enough#also neil staying on riko the whole time was crazy#like jean being like “that's a terrible idea why would they do that”#and then realizing just how fucking fast neil is#it changed my brain chemistry#can you tell i like outsider povs?
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it probably is insane how much I wish I could express the thing about spones. the vibes about spones. Like there's the joking fun fandom vibes and I love them, I love to play with them, of course of course. but the THING. the CORE to me. i wish i could capture it and share it.
#like. the constancy. like the friction matters because it's hand in hand with the steadfastness you know? and it doesn't preclude tenderness#also climbing into the mind of the person you've been obsessed with understanding and being understood by.#and the fact that it's lifelong. and the teasing. and the fact that the growth is in the allowance of imperfections#allowing that imperfections exist in who you love allows you to love them allows you to love yourself#and i always love people knowing what you believe and bolstering it when you feel lost even when it's not their philosophy#(bones asking spock hope? isn't that a human failing? and him not allowing that#spock losing himself to emotion in all our yesterdays and bones reminding him how antithetical that is to him)#but even with all that seriousness - the TEASING. the plain fun. the constant reaching out regardless of their moods#the constant seeking each other out. the almost - given nature of the relationship.#it's not in some ways as dramatic as a Simple Feeling as the When I Think of You I Feel Shame.#it's bones growing into old age the human way one day at a time with spock#when people are like oh spock just put his katra in him because he was there - yeah. and he was always going to be the one who was there#this is why the earth moon sun metaphor works for the triumvirate so much better than sun moon stars imo#bones is the earth spock is the moon kirk is the sun#'the captain was indispensable'#the sun - a distant lifegiver to them and many others. they do revolve around it. have unique relationships to it#the earth revolutes the sun which brings it life. the moon has a face it only shows the sun#and the moon revolutes the earth. their gravity shapes each other. they reach out to each other. they formed in a collision outward#in some ways are entirely different but have the same stuff in them. spin the same.#idk it just makes so much sense for them all.#but even just getting back to them. again just the obsession with each others mind.#'i will never understand the medical mind' 'mathematically perfect brainwaves'#and then complimenting each other always so startlingly out of the blue with their own fields -#'you have a good bedside manner spock' 'perhaps if they had your ingenuity they would have'#the seeking each other's advice out even if it's just to argue with it lmao. the motif of their last words always going to each other#even wrath of khan - we know spock was talking to bones in his head. i do always wonder what was in their tsfs reunion scene#that shatner didn't want to happen.#I don't know and even this isn't the heart of it.#there's the families and the way they fit into each other's conception and value and weight of family#do i even tag this spones. this is just crazy rambling.
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This art is doing things to me
#Are they... You know......... 👉👈#atsushi nakajima#osamu dazai#dazatsu#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd s1#mine#Yesterday I spent one hour cleaning this but I'm really nowhere near to done#The canvas is just too large (834px of width) and the image way too grainy.#I can't redraw stuff if it's this grainy and even cloning wasn't getting me anywhere#Not even noise correction works...#After sleeping over it‚ I resolved that it's probably for the best to reduce the image size.#Hopefully then the lineart will be compact enough for me to draw over it#It's just. WHO HAD THE INSANE IDEA of putting illustrations under text.#Not only it's a huge shame it covers the art‚ but also... When reading the novel‚ I was seriously struggling to read the text–#that overlapped with black areas#That's such an incredibly poor editing choice I have no idea how it could get through publishing.#Publishing houses are truly insane the only way something like this could have happened is by overworking and understaffing. It's crazy#THERE'S NOT EVEN A WHITE OUTLINE. C'mon peoples.#Alright sorry rant over. Dazatsu is SO real tho ♡♡♡
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the eras tour started with me watching a grainy livestream from my sophomore year college dorm room and is ending with me graduated and living back at home while working a 9 to 5. what
#HOW DID THIS HAPPEN#no seriously i’m getting very emotional about this#does it every drive you crazy just how fast the night changes? like actually?#mine#taylor swift
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going through some old left-for-dead projects and just found this one where I was like. INTENT on dissecting jeff's brain on the operating table (i.e. google docs) but only from todd's weird skewed pov
[professor voice] it's about brothers as eternal combatants and it's about being so convinced of your own goodness you excuse your shitty actions. it's also about comparing yourself to a dog because you feel less fully formed than your brother. lol.
#“so-and-so is an irredeemable character with no depth” jokes are funny sure but unfortunately i'm unable to not take things seriously#anyway: i remember people being like [about hymnal] this is crazy! this fraternal dynamic is so fucked up! and being kind of non-plussed#because the dynamic i wrote into the fair folk wip [this one] was like fifty thousand times more. argh. bites#THIS WASN'T EVEN SCRATCHING THE SURFACE#also i've always been an advocate of writing cruel characters with sympathy because the best feeling as a reader is when#you're reading and start nodding along with a particular guy and have to take a step back and recoil at how receptive you were to them#when the character is kind and jolly and cares but he's still letting the abuse happen under his nose :eyes:#anyway this ALSO isn't an accurate jeff portrait because todd's pov is weird and jaded and sardonic at the beginning of the story#and also he's like three seconds away from exploding. lol#hm. i never explained it to myself fully [probably why i never finished this] but i think the issue was that#todd is Too understanding and he's perceptive enough to see everyone's motivations but that makes it worse because now he's too#not forgiving. but he can excuse people's actions very easily#and thus when people actually do shitty things and it makes him mad he can't really justify being mad to himself - but he still is#and this makes him sooooo volatile. and becomes a problem later on in the wip when he's trying to work on cameron#because understanding isn't the ending point you have to do the action sometimes! lol!#goddamn. i miss writing this au.#dead poets society#tristan writes#dps#dps fic#todd anderson#jeff anderson#SORRY THIS IS VERY LONG. I JUST REDISCOVERED THIS AND IT BROUGHT A LOT OF MEMORIES BACK.
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I call this: Let Marty McFly Break the Fourth Wall.
Based on a random thought I had at work today, I remembered how many times Marty looked dead at the crowd when I saw the musical and decided he should be able to do that once in the film. After much thought, I decided the best time for said moment would be right after the DeLorean test because c’mon- Doc drove a car at them at damn near 90 MPH without even knowing if it would work. Thats- that’s just a little crazy, don’t you think?
Marty’s internal monologue retyped below just in case you can’t/don’t want to read my atrocious handwriting :)
1. My God.
2. What did he take?!
3. (Same as 2, plus) This is Heavy
4. (Same as 3, plus) What did I agree to?
5. (Same as 4, plus) Have I gone insane?
6. Are You All seeing this shit? (He drove a car at us! WITHOUT knowing if it would WORK!!)
(Meanwhile in the background I wrote out Doc’s little “What did I tell you? 88 Miles Per Hour!” Cause I didn’t know if I could get the audio)
#back to the future#back to the future the musical#bttf#bttf musical#my art#back to the future fanart#bttf fanart#okay obligatory tags outta the way#I’m honestly really proud of this#first off- I had to learn how to draw Doc and his hair for this damn thing#secondly I practically recreated the dang scene. that was not easy#so uh go me I guess#I just think it would be so funny if Marty was allowed to turn to the camera dead on in the film#never acknowledged. never mentioned again- just staring in complete disbelief at the shit that just happened#“maybe he IS a mad scientist after all-” -Marty in this moment (probably)#seriously. even for best friends who trust each other with their lives that’s a little crazy#way to be confident in your work and all Doc but like- damn#anyway have at yee BTTF fandom#back to working on my now 15k word fic#until we meet again!
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someone writing this whole thing out thinking they don’t sound absolutely nuts:
me just trying to eat on my lunch break:
#beetlebabes#beetlejuice x lydia#musicalbabes#beetlelyds#girl i know you’re not equating irl crimes with make believe?#because i need you to know how dismissive that is of actual victims#the disc horse#like you’re equating the worse thing that can possibly happen to a child to a make believe demon dating a make believe teen#you’re seriously saying that with your chest?#crazy i don’t see the anger towards twilight on your blog
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im rly excited for my bigass shrooms trip tonight PLEASE LET IT WORK. defeat the prozac i know u can do it psilocybin
#im taking 6g cuz last time i took 2g on ssris and nothing happened#luckily i literally got these from a neuroscientist researcher (my life is crazy its fine) so know theyre 1. GOOD AS FUCK#2. i got good insight on how to make it work on prozac cuz he has specifically used these to trip on prozac n recommended the dose#so im really excited. im using it purely for therapeutic purposes like i wanna put on a blindfold n headphones for a few hours n just. go#but i got my lemon i got my weed i got my antiemetics im hydrating as FUCK. pregaming very seriously for tonight
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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at some point some of yall will have to admit to yourselves that the jason todd you like and have built up in fanon is not the jason todd that he actually is
inconsistent canon writing included, I have no idea where these povs on him are coming from if ur not actually meaning to do a disservice to his character
#jason todd#red hood#dcu#dc#we already know a third of dc writers do NAWT like jason#I’m prepared to deal with that but even when hes written by them its like??#AT LEAST HES LIKE THAT BC THEY DONT LIKE HIM#but to say u like jason and include him in batfam and etc meanwhile the jason ur looking at couldnt even pass as a walmart version#hes not stupid hes not pit crazy hes not incompetent hes not only fucking angry all the time#actually u know what he is angry#but hes never let that affect his decisions to the extent that I see portrayed in fanon#I cannot dictate or police how people choose to create content for jason like thats smth they’re doing for free in their own free time#but its just so disappointing that I constantly see him getting watered down to the most consumer friendly version of himself#just so that he can fit into the world u want to create#he deserves better !! he deserves to be taken seriously as his OWN character and NOT just batman collateral#he deserves to exist on his own and be taken in as such#the things that happened to jason happened to jason happened to HIM#and the things jason did HE chose to do#to strip him of all of those characteristics so hes more palatable#or so he can have an easy transition into batfam#(which if anyone was to be honest with themselves would realize is not going to happen realistically in canon)#is boring and overdone and frankly should be easy to not do#its okay not to like jason as he is#but that IS who he is#and for goddamn good reasons#not me writing an essay in the tags
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spicy cyphmen wip go wheeeeeee
#seriously how do you deal with layers and all that#i cannot keep them straight for the life of me#what the hell is color theory and how to i use it#how do i shade things#how does lighting work???#i also need to get better at anatomy if im gonna make The Spicy happen#digital is so crazy there’s all these fun tools apparently#valorant#cypher valorant#cyphmen#shadowire#omen valorant#cypher#cypher/omen#fanart#omen#should i tag this as smut?#probably?
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had such a good experience with surgery today i can’t even fully explain
#🍄.txt#i’m so happy that fuck ass doctor referred me to another doctor in the building because he was so nice and attentive#taking the time to explain things to me and make sure i was good#even said oh well if ur really uncomfortable we can always go to the operating room! :)#when the other doctor treated me like a nuisance the whole time and like some dumb child#well if you can’t sit still they’re going to have to put you under elsewhere 🙄#I DIDNT EVEN FUCKING KNOW THEY COULD DO THAT IN THE BUILDING? SHE MADE IT SEEM LIKE I WAS INCONVENIENCING HER THE WHOLE TIME#i was asking a bunch of questions because knowing makes me feel less nervous and he answered everything so clearly even when my mom was#asking questions too#recommending me different medications to keep this from happening again etc etc etc#so fucking bare minimum for a doctor but it was so nice seriously i wish i could thank him again for making it a more#comfortable experience#he put numbing shots on the inside AND outside of my lid just in case we needed to go from the outside this time#and while it hurt obviously it was so much better than the single shot she gave me the first time three weeks ago#she told me this would be a much more extensive surgery and here i am with my eyelid barely swollen 😐#i could barely see with it open three weeks ago immediately after because it hurt too much and was so swollen#what the fuck how do you have such contrasting experiences with two people who literally work together in the same building#anyway bad doctor experiences are always so fucking bad but when you have a really good experience it just feels crazy and insane#like wow thank u for treating me like a person#did i mention i actually left with care instructions this time written out. and the medicine recommendations on a physical piece of paper#i didn’t even get that after surgery with her how is that not below bare minimum#like this actually surprised me. jesus christ
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My mum just called my and told me that my aunt, who has become unexpectedly bigoted these last 2 years, told her:
"Oh [Zero] has so many girl friends what if [It] is a lesbian?"
(My mum told her that even if I were, I am an adult, and it's not hers my aunt's business. So she gets her "cool mum" mug this year)
But the thing I don't get is...
Lady... I've never been in the closet. Everyone knows I fancy women. Like- I have never hidden the fact that I am pan since I was 13.
Like, lmao, she was once speculating about another cousin's sexuality in front of other relatives, and I stepped in saying "you don't have to look for the gay nephew when you have me"
Jfc it's not nice speculating about anyone's sexuality in their absence and in front of other relatives especially. Idk if that cousin is queer or not but I won't stand by and have them either outed or put in a tough spot because that aunt is stupid
Oh and that was after she had asked me "why don't you shave the hair on your legs? Don't people say anything to you?"
And i said, "Because I don't care, and if someone says anything, I will ignore them :D"
Dude. I have NEVER been in the closet. I will never be in the closet, I ALSO present queer... ffs I've been wearing the same rainbow bandana around my wrist since 2019.
I don't get how people even have to wonder about my identity when I've NEVER been ambiguous about it.
I TELL PEOPLE I AM QUEER THEY FORGET??? And then ask my mum if I'm queer a month later????? I can't make this shit up, man.
#steel rambles#it's so sad seeing the “cool aunt” falling out of grace out of nowhere#seriously idk what the hell happened but she's really... not a good person and this is the least of the “not nice” things she's said#or done#but now i am beginning to wonder#are my relatives in denial or are they clueless?????#dude if i tell you “god there's this pretty girl that made.me go crazy” I'm being literal. i am not being a “girl's girl”#HOW CLEARER THAN THAT CAN IT GET?????#it's so surreal
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next time missa enters the server qforever will revive /j
#qsmp#qsmp forever#qsmp missa#no but seriously how do they keep doing it#everytime missa enters its after some crazy stuff happened to forever like
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Losing my mind hearing that people think being punitively misgendered as they/ them only happens to she/her trans women and not also he/ him trans men
Edit: glad I dug through the shitty comments enough to find op saying she didn't mean the phrasing of a particular sentence to imply this didn't happen to trans men, she wasn't expecting the post to blow up and was just writing about the things she's experiencing in a casual rant way. Internet ok sometimes. (Still other people in the comments thinking the above though.)
#why do people keep thinking that trans men don't experience transphobia#I've seen this happen!#I'm so tired#and i feel like i never see folks talking about trans men other than specifically trans masc spaces#unless its in relation to trans women#and i get that its because trans women are under public scrutiny in a more weaponized way#because transmysogyny is real#but im going crazy#and i feel like no one engages with the posts i make like this#which makes me feel like pulling my hair out even more#I'm absolutely not saying that trans women dont get targeted in a more violent way#they are#but trans men are also out here facing transphobia and it's not just like accidental or a byproduct#and like reminder to everyone including myself that people only see the slices of life they see#and none of us know how representative of the whole they are#and practically speaking we're not gonna get the data to answer that#so people can very much see x supported and y not in one space and others see y supported and x not in another#and both of those are real experiences the people in question have#idk i feel like people treat trans men as kinda unserious#and thats its own tag essay#Anyway I feel like no one's going to interact with this post#And I feel perhaps mistakenly but I feel like ppl think this kind of post makes me terfy and that's why they don't interact?#And I don't know why people do shit or don't#But it does just make me feel more like this#This being that people don't treat trans mens issues seriously
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