#seriously if you haven’t played final draft don’t read this I explicitly say what happens at the end

[quantim]

Thoughts on Alan and Tom, specifically the Tom we see in AW2 and why he’s so youthful— FULL spoilers for Final Draft under the cut.

First as for why Tom looks young I absolutely agree with above that the Tom we see is a different form of Tom than who we’ve seen and read about in AW1–that Tom both wrote himself and Barbara into a pocket dimensional paradise and also wrote himself out of existence—but then how does our Tom come to be in AW2?

In Final Draft Initiation 7/8, right after speaking with Tom for the last time as Alan, you can find a TV in the lobby playing a clip of Casper Darling.

(From an earlier video you find in the Oceanview it appears as though some time after or during the events of Control, Dr Darling ended up lost or trapped in the Dark Place—possibly something we’ll see explicated on further in the Lake House DLC)

In this second clip of Dr Darling, he mentions that he’s been trapped in the dark place for 665 days and that science is proving to not be enough to escape—that he needs a different perspective, a partner, “an artist.”

And instantly our young Tom Zane appears. Darling says Tom “looks familiar” and Tom says Darling “sounds familiar” (and looks quite fit). Tom offers Dr Darling a drink and they walk off screen chattering about a partnership, about using art in a scientific manner, with trial and error, to escape the dark place.

Now we all know that Matthew Porretta live acts Darling but voice acts for Alan, and once the Control and AW universes were linked I figured that point would just be kind of glossed over, but this is Sam Lake and Remedy, why would they gloss over a p(l)othole when they could turn it into it’s own little spiral/lake/ocean?

I think that when Darling asked for an artist, the Dark Place gave him Tom/took on his form, and in their collaboration they made/became Alan.

Alan’s writing style of trying different plot elements in scenes until he finds the correct sequence to “make it stick” and move through the dark place is Darling’s “scientific” trial and error approach to art. And it’s not science if you don’t write it down.

The game already tells us that Tom, Alan, and Scratch aren’t different people wearing the same face, they’re the same person—Ahti and the Anderson brothers refer to Alan exclusively as Tom—Saga realized at the end of Return 7 and then Alan explicitly says that Scratch was the dark presence inside him.

And while the spiral nature of the story makes it hard to give any credence to a certain timeline (and Tom specifically says he wrote Yötön Yö with Alan’s help in the dark place) the first appearance of an “Alan Wake” character was Tom’s performance as a character with that name in his film.

My final bit of evidence to this theory is the very last line of the game in the Final Draft version—Alan comes back to life, third eye wide open, tells Alex(Sam) and Saga that “the ending worked, Scratch is gone.”

“And so I Return. With me I bear the torch of knowledge. The light, the miracle illuminated. The master of two worlds… No. The master of many worlds.”

And who else seeks mastery of many worlds?

I think that Alan Wake is the result of a partnership between a scientist and an artist coming together in attempt not just to escape the Dark Place, but to understand it and know it completely. To Control it.

why zane didn't get old? the dark place doesn't prevent people from aging here, barbara got old, alan too. what's up with zane not looking his nineties?

[jemariel]

Sherlock, Supernatural, and How I Am Trying to Take Shipping Less Seriously

I want to tell my story. 

(tl;dr: I have a lot more fun with shipping when I don’t worry about whether or not it will ever be canon. OR: Never put that much faith in the hands of showrunners. It always ends BAD.gif)

I wrote most of this post months ago and it’s been rotting away in my drafts since maybe March? It seemed like a good time to actually post it. This is my own personal perspective, where I’m coming from on this. Obviously everyone’s feelings and opinions are 100% their own and I respect that. We’re all coming from somewhere.

Soooo. I’ve been lurking in various fandoms for a long time. I started in 2001, when I was 14. I’ve seen a lot of changes in fandom and the internet and how we interact with our favorite media. Now seemed like a good time for me to sort through this.

My first OTP was in Highlander. It was, for all intents and purposes, a dead fandom when I arrived. The show had been cancelled 5 years before I even discovered that other people wrote and posted their fanfiction, and one half of my pairing was dead for the final series. The pair I read about maybe shared half an hour of screen time through the whole three seasons they were both in the show? They had very little plot interaction at least.

I didn’t care. It didn’t stop me from reading about them. Didn’t stop me from wanting to put them in the same room and see what happened – usually them getting on like a house on fire.

The point is that we were under absolutely no impression that they would ever become canon. There was literally no possibility for it. But that didn’t matter. We could do what we wanted. We were just having fun.

After Highlander came Harry Potter. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. I don’t remember if I started shipping them before or after the 4th book but it was definitely long before the 5th book. This was the first time I had the inkling that maybe, possibly, JK Rowling might have actually intended them to be read that way. This is where I read my first meta, before it was called that – someone who went through the books and pulled out excerpts that made a person think. Wow that eye contact really did linger, I thought. Maybe that embrace wasn’t strictly brotherly, I said to myself.

At the time, queerbaiting was not even a word in the vernacular. So when the 6th book came out and Tonks and Remus became the most eyebrow-raising pairing I’ve ever encountered, I just shrugged and went on with my life. Sirius was dead anyway so this really changed nothing. I liked Remus the gay uncle werewolf, but bisexual was fine too. I mostly wrote and read about them during their school days anyway. So this was fine.

Eventually I moved on, and where I landed after that was in the grand daddy of all slash pairings, the first fandom in our current fanfiction zeitgeist: Star Trek, the Original Series. Kirk and Spock. This was still a couple of years before the 2009 reboot movies, so all I had was a cheesy 60s TV show with a venerable back catalogue of fanfic. What’s better, this ship could never be sunk! Of course they couldn’t ever be canon, it was the 60s. Times were different. I could ship them with fervor and never be disappointed because of course it was just our interpretation. … Wasn’t it?

Oh, Gene Roddenberry. You idealistic sonuvabitch. You created the Vulcan word “t’hy’la” specifically for Spock to use for Kirk, and you made it mean friend, brother, and lover? Was that really necessary or were you trying to tell us something?

Here I found more fledgling meta, and I went through the novelizations of the movies with a highlighter devouring every piece of evidence I could find. But while this ship was unsinkable, it would also never fly. Even if Roddenberry had intended this, or supported it after the fact, prejudice surely had kept his intentions in the background. Subtext was our friend. We could work with subtext. The subtext wove a gay love story the likes of which we haven’t seen since the ancient Greeks. I was happy with that.

But then.

2010. Sherlock.

I knew going into it that Holmes and Watson were the greatest love story never told. I figured it would be a fun pairing for a while. But oh. I was not prepared. And oh, be still my beating heart, the Angelo’s scene! If I recall correctly I actually sat up straighter in my chair at “so you’ve got a boyfriend then”/”No.” Could they… could he? Did they actually…? Was this written for… me? For us? Could we, the weird little corner of the fandom be right for once?? The slash shippers, the queer kids, the ones who had been peering between the lines for decades to try and catch glimpses of ourselves in our favorite stories?

I buried the thought for a few years, devouring Johnlock fanfic like it was my job, my civic duty, my vocation. I waited patiently for each new series. But I never actually expected anything to come of my hopes until after season 3.

Bet you guessed it. TJLC had caught me like a spark in dry grass. The few analyses I’d read before were NOTHING compared to this. Suddenly it all seemed so possible. So real. After The Abominable Bride it seemed like there was nowhere else to go, nowhere to go but up. We were right. WE WERE RIGHT! For a whole year, we got to relish the thought that it might actually happen.

…………….. Season 4 was… tough. It felt like a slap in the face, all of our hopes thrown back at us with ignorance at best, cruelty and direct malice at worst. If it had been a good season on its own without canon Johnlock I might have been okay, but as it is….. It was not the first time I’ve had my heart broken by a TV show, and probably only seems like the worst by virtue of being recent. But I would very much like it to be the last.

A few months before diving head-first into the pre season-4 gear-up, I watched a few seasons of Supernatural. Just enough to meet Castiel and lay the groundwork for a Destiel obsession as a contingency plan for if season 4 of Sherlock went all pear shaped. I’m glad I did or I don’t know where I would have found my refuge.

But I started to notice something. From my earliest wading in the Destiel end of the tumblr pond, I shied away quickly from any discussion of evidence, subtextual clues used to make predictions, or whether or not Destiel could or should or will be canon. I still take all meta and spec I read with a healthy pinch of salt. I am trying very hard not to care about whether or not it becomes canon, because honestly? I miss the days when whether or not a ship was canon or had a snowball’s chance of ever becoming so had absolutely nothing to do with whether or not I shipped it.

Fandom is just one of many echo chambers that the internet has molded around every one of us. It is so easy to become convinced that our way is right and everyone else’s way is wrong, because we only hear our own voices and those of people we agree with reflected back at us.

We are not the arbiters of what happens in canon. The showrunners are NOT obligated to listen to us. Not everyone can be right, and the showrunners cannot listen to everyone. Nor should they. They are, for better or for worse, creating their own story. Not ours.

We can always write the story the way we want to, over and over in countless different ways. These days I see a show almost more as a set of toys to play with than as its own impermeable whole. I can believe that Dean and Castiel have been slowly falling in love over the course of the last decade. I can decide when and where I want them to have first admitted it, to themselves or each other. What’s more – I can change my mind. Some days I like believing that they’ve been together since Cas’s hand print was still fresh on Dean’s shoulder. Some days I’d rather believe that they’re still pining and in various states of denial. Or anything in between – it’s all equally valid. Once it’s said and stated in canon, that’s it. That’s the show. That’s how it happened. I like the freedom I have when my ship is not explicitly canon. The best is when they are clearly aware of it and give us moments like the mixtape or the Fanfiction Gap of 9x06 – new toys to play with – but let us shape what’s actually going on. As I say in my tags sometimes: They clearly love us and want us to have nice things.

All of this is NOT to say that up-and-coming queer kids do not richly need and deserve representation. God, not at all. I beat myself up about this a lot, for what feels like a terribly selfish desire to just enjoy it and not worry about whether or not the up and coming queer youth could have it better than I did. They can and they should and I still believe that season 4 of Sherlock was the biggest missed opportunity in queer cinema history.

I just can’t take it so personally anymore. For the sake of my favorite hobby, I cannot stake my enjoyment of a pairing and a show on whether or not the showrunners want to take the risk. I cannot let them dangle me on that particular string. I cannot give them that power over me. 

So this is my manifesto, for me personally. If Destiel becomes canon? I will be over the moon. But I will not go hunting for it. I won’t expect it. I will cherish every gift that the showrunners give to us because they’re not obligated to give us a damn thing, so I can’t take what they do give us for granted. I will live my headcanons, write my fics, and I will love the show for what it is, warts and all. I will ship my ship, enthusiastically and with my whole heart, because it brings me joy to do so. Canon or no canon. @starsinursa @daughter-of-the-rain-and-snow

[5hfanfiction]

Too Close To Home - Chapter 13

“Mila, what happened to your arm?” someone calls me while I burn holes through Lauren’s and Lucy’s heads, getting lovey-dovey in the corner of the room.

“Huh, oh, I got a tattoo,” I look at the source of sound, realizing that it’s Dinah.

“Holy shit, can I see?”

“Later.. You’re gonna sleep here again right?”

“Yeah..” She says. “Are you okay? You seem dazed and down. I’m sorry we hosted a surprise party in your suite without your consent.”

“It’s okay. I love that you guys did this actually. It’s really sweet so thank you. I’m just a bit tired since your annoying ass woke me up early than humanly possible.” I smile, pretending to be okay. It’s not that that’s making me down, it’s the fact that Lauren hasn’t said one word to me the second we walk through the door. I understand that we’ve been at each other’s faces since morning, but it doesn’t give her the right to ignore me. It just made my suspicion of her hanging with me as a tactic to stall me as the others get ready for the surprise more valid.

Hell, she might’ve rented the whole restaurant so people won’t see us together.

Music were playing and there were foods near the dining table. The guests were a mixture of celebrities and friends. Ever since I released my album, I’ve gotten the necessary recognition from singers and producers nationwide. But even if I’m somewhat famous, it still feels weird that there are idols I look up to even before I was in X-Factor here. I wonder how the girls got in touch with them. It’s crazy.

Dinah, Ally and Normani came with food on their hands minutes later. Dinah brought two plates with her, one for her and one for me.

They sat on the couch near the one I’m sitting on. There are 3 couches in total, mine is on the side, facing the other couch while the other one is facing the TV, horizontal from my point of view. They’re sitting on the one facing the TV.

We talked as we empty the food contents on our plates. I love how they have the decency to actually hang out with me. Some people hosts a surprise party for their friend but once the surprise is over, they tend to leave their friend alone and talk to the guests instead. I’m just glad that they care about me enough to not leave me alone.

Lauren and Lucy came moments later, hand in hand, sitting on the other couch across from mine. They mostly talk amongst themselves. Sometimes, they would chime in if one of us asks them a question or if the story involves them but other than that, they’re basically living in their love bubble. My stomach just ties in knots every time I hear both of them giggle.

It sucks. It really does. I seriously don’t know how to react. Like God, before yesterday, I was so convinced that I’ve moved on. But ever since this morning, my mind just fluctuates and I don’t know how I feel. In a span of less than 24 hours, Lauren has managed to destroy every single bricks I’ve stacked up around my heart.

And just after that thought, Miley Cyrus’s Wrecking Ball starts to play in the background. God, you fucker.

I think I managed to think that I’ve moved on before this was because of the busy schedule this year. I haven’t thought of her - or any of my personal life really. Every single day was either promoting my album or having meetings on how to promote my album. So if I didn’t even have time to talk to my family, what makes you think that I have time to think about Lauren?

So now, after being with Lauren for the day, making me realize what I’ve missed, I can’t help but feel my heart constrict painfully as I look at them. But I won’t say anything. Lauren has explicitly said that she wants us to be purely friends, so if I thought that the time we had just hours ago was somewhat a date, it’s on me. Lauren never indicated that it was anything more than friendly. Sure, she flirted and stuff, but friends do that sometimes. And she’s a flirt, so that kind of justifies the actions she did, right?

Besides, the reason we lost touch was because I expressed my feelings too much. I don’t want to repeat the past, I don’t think I could go through losing Lauren for what feels like the tenth time. It’s better this way.

Friends. Friends. Friends. I repeat those mantra over and over in my mind, maybe then I could convince myself that we could just be that.

“Chancho, you should sing for us,” Dinah says, diverting my attention from Lauren to her. I have a feeling that she knows. Her eyes has a hint of sympathy and every time I was looking at Lauren, she would be the one diverting my attention.

And she does so easily, just by calling me Cheechee. I haven’t heard that nickname since forever. Now that I’ve heard it, I can’t help but feel bittersweet.

We’re growing up so fast. Too fast in my opinion.

“Me? Nooo..”

“Oh come on…” she nudges before shouting, “Guys..” catching everyone’s attention as she does so, “who wants to hear Camila sing?”

A round of loud claps and cheers erupted in the room. I grew nervous as they all saunter their way to the room and make a circle around the couches, the girls and I being in the middle.

Lauren suddenly walks away, only to come back with a guitar on her hand. There was a bow placed on it.

“Well, I planned on giving this the traditional way, but it seems more convenient this way. Happy Birthday, Camz,” she says as she hugs me. This is the first time she has actually talked to me since the party started. She walks back to the couch beside Lucy.

It’s funny really, the action she just did sums up our relationship. No matter how thoughtful and sweet she is to me, she’ll always walk back to Lucy at the end of the day. It happened 2 years ago and its happening now. I just should’ve known better.

Its so nerve-wrecking. Singing in front of ten thousand random people and probably repetitive fans is one thing, singing right now in front of celebrities is another. I anticipated every single concert I’ve performed, every movement was calculated. This is different because it’s spontaneous, I don’t even know what song to sing.

I look around, trying to get an idea of the songs from my album but ends up forgetting every single lyrics on them. My eyes stop at Lauren and Lucy’s intertwined hand and that’s when I finally know what song.

I strum the guitar on my lap, trying to find the right tune from my new guitar. Everyone’s scrutinizing eyes are on me, looking at my every movement.

Finally, after 5 minutes of silence in the room except for the strumming and probably my loud heart beating, I started to sing.

Stay back, stay long, and you move on I stress, come close, move on, please don’t

This is actually a song, or rather a draft, from 2014. It was during the time Lauren had a thing with Brad. They were never together officially but they did hook up. It was when I was certain that I liked Lauren more than just friends.

I guess I could adapt these lyrics now. Lauren’s moved on. But then, even if she does so, she tries to keep me close as I try to move on, making my attempts to move on in vain.

Hello, how are you? How you've been? Lately I wonder how it feels to steal your kiss Nothing much, just fine I'm doing well And you can read between the lines but God, I fell

I did record it in the studio last year but it was never released officially. The producers said it was too emotional and I should sing more pop-ish song. The songs on the album was somewhat emotional, but it was the type that catches the public’s attention because it’s relatable. This one was just ‘too depressing’. They tried to produce it and edit everything but I refused to put it on my album. Simply because it was meant to be raw and stripped. I don’t want it to be some generic song people listen to where the music catches more attention than the lyrics.

Another reason was because it was one of the first song I’ve ever written, so of course I said no. Imagine this, a painter being asked to change the colors on his work because it looks depressing. It’s basically the same thing.

I only told the moon, tonight up on the roof I told her that I'm scared that all my thoughts they look like you I only told the moon, about the way you move I asked her to please tell me if you tell things to her too

One time in 2014, when Lauren went to a party with Brad, I went to the roof of our temporary apartment with my guitar and my journal.

I felt suffocated at the thought of Lauren having fun with Brad so I went to a less physically closed off space and the roof was the most convenient one. As I sat there, I felt like the moon was my only companion at that time. I had people around me everyday, but at the same time, I’ve never felt more lonely than before. I looked at the only thing that I could look up to, the moon. Everyday, she never fails to show. So at that time, as I look at her, my mind flowed everywhere with no sense of direction. I needed to straighten them so writing was my only resolve. It were all random ramblings at first but I saw that I could turn it into lyrics.

I was hoping, always hoping, that Lauren would feel the same about me, even if it’s merely a percentage of how I felt.

Silence. Too loud. Say it, not now

This verse might be the short and simple. But it is complex in it’s own way. It shows how my mind is indecisive. I wanted to tell her that I had feelings for her but at the same time, I was perfectly content with how we were that I didn’t want that to change.

That time, on the roof, it was silent. The only thing I could hear was my constant writing and probably a few honks here and there, but other than that, my mind was the only one that was speaking.

So how are you? How you've been? Lately I wonder how it feels to taste your lips Nothing much, just fine I'm doing well And you can read between the lines but God, I fell

When Lauren actually started hanging out with Brad, she had been spending less time with me. I’m not mad about that or anything because here’s the sad truth, no matter how much you believe in the saying, 'Bros without hoes,’ or in my case, 'uterus before duderuses,’ at the end of the day, the somewhat 'Hoes’ are the ones in your future.

It wasn’t that that hurt me, it was the fact that I couldn’t express my feelings. Yes, we were close, we could tell things to each other, but at the same time, I can’t. I had to consider everything - Fifth Harmony and our friendships. But mostly, I had to consider my heart. What if I told Lauren how I felt and it ends up going downhill. I had to look at the silver lining of being just friends. At least I still had her, right?

I eventually did tell her. But it was months after Lauren and Brad stopped talking.

But now that I think about it, Lauren has revealed that she fell for me after she broke up with Luis. Brad was after Luis. Did she like me when she was dating Brad? Was that why she spent less time with me? She did say that she was confused.

Maybe she was scared of the idea of dating me.

I only told the moon, tonight up on the roof I told her that I'm scared that all my thoughts they look like you I only told the moon, about the way you move I asked her to please tell me if you tell things to her too That I give it all to you, I give it all to you, I give it all to you I only told the moon

Aahhh and another loves song will play on the radio, you know Aahhh and I'll wait for the moon to lean in close and say…

That he only told the moon, tonight up on the roof He told me that he's scared that all her thoughts they look like you I only told the moon, about the way you move I asked her to please tell me if you tell this to her too

That I give it all to you, I give it all to you, I give it all to you

He only told the moon

He only told the moon

The room was silent as I sing the outro. It was intense, the tension was high. Everyone was either staring at me or staring at their phone cameras that are pointing at me.

Lauren looked like she’s lost in her thoughts. She probably knows that it’s about her.

Again, I’m not subtle. I never was.

***

“Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday dear Camila, Happy Birthday to you~” the crowd sings while Dinah brings the cake in front of me.

I blew the cake with a mouth-eating grin and cut a part of the cake while phones flashed in front of me.

After that was all done, I walked around, greeting the guests and making small talks. I don’t really know some of them but it was still nice that they showed up, the least I could do was to pretend that they’re interesting. But if I listen to them, all I could hear is how great my music or how they want a collaboration, it feels like they’re using me.

Fortunately, one of the famous guests here was Ariana. Over the years, we have grown close as both our careers blossomed. We were similar in more ways than one. We are both flirty, both dorks and most importantly, we are both highly sexualized in the public eye.

Since I know she’s here, we’ve been hip-to-hip the whole night. We talk and made jokes while the others were busy with their own group.

The girls came after some time. Luckily, Ariana and the girls are well acquainted so we easily fell to laid-back conversations, making jokes here and there.

“So Camila, are you dating anyone?” Ally starts up, making Lauren look up from her phone immediately, anticipating for my answer. Oh, so now you look at me.. Bitch.

“Nope,” I say with a pop.

Ariana gasps dramatically beside me and placed her hand on her chest, mocking a heartache. “What am I then?”

I laugh. Ariana is a flirt so it’s natural for her to make jokes like these.

“You’re my wife,” I smile cutely as I huddle myself closer to her. She knows that I like girls, but she never gave two fucks about it. She still flirts because she knows that I won’t like her romantically.

She wraps her hand around me in a protective way. She’s straight. That one, I can promise you.

As I look around, I notice that Lauren is staring intensely on Ariana. If looks could kill, my body would be drenched by Ariana’s blood right now. She seems like she’s shooting daggers with her eyes. She looks like she’s… jealous.

It’s so unfair. She, herself, is freaking cuddling with her fiancé across from me and she’s the jealous one. She’s obviously fucking Lucy, I’m just flirting with a friend here.

All the thinking is making me hungry. I stand up to grab one of the potato chips on the coffee table.

“Hey Camila?” Ariana calls out, making me turn my head back at her as I lean towards the surprisingly huge coffee table, trying to reach for the food on the other side.

“Yeah?”

“Is your dad a baker?”

“What? No? Why?” I laugh at her random question.

“Because you got nice buns,” she says, mocking a male voice as she does so.

“You’re such a dork, are you drunk?” I question, sitting back down next to her as I chew on the chips.

“No.. Wait yes.. But I’m not intoxicated by those alcohol, I’m intoxicated by you.”

I laugh at Ariana once again. She has endless amounts of pick up lines, she even told me one time that she has books just about the. Definitely a dork.

Lauren scoffs softly across from me. None of the girls could hear it - well except for Lucy - but I could, even if she’s farther from me.

I look at her in disbelief. Is she kidding me? What right does she has to hate on Ariana’s attempts in trying to 'get in my pants’?

I decided to play a little. If she hates this so much, imagine if I’m the one who’s the one making suggestive jokes on Ariana.

“Hey Ariana.. Your clothes look good on you,” I say, loud enough for Lauren to hear.

“Really? Is that all you got? Camila… I’m appalled, I thought you could do better than that,” Ariana points out playfully.

“ -But I bet you would look better without them.” I say with a smirk, knowing that Lauren’s probably fuming at this point. I feel.. smug.

The girls laughed as I finished my pick up line. Ariana smiles proudly like a mother proud of her kid. But instead of being proud of the kid’s achievement in scoring at a sports game, she’s proud at how I can make sexual jokes. I can only imagine how her future kids will turn out - probably fuckboys and players.

The rest of the night after that was pretty uneventful. There were talking and stuffs, a lot more jokes and pickup lines passed around between Ariana and I, making Lauren’s face contort into a frown for the rest of the night.

I don’t know about you but I call this a successful day.

The guests slowly disperse, leaving me with the girls and Ariana at the end of the day.

Ashlee called me sometime that night, apologizing for not coming because of some family problems. I just shrugged it off, saying that it’s okay. If I’m being honest, I’m actually quite grateful that she can’t come. It’s not that I don’t want her company, it’s just that she knows about Lauren and if she saw what I did, she would’ve picked it up easily and scolded me for trying to make Lauren jealous.

My parents called me too, and we talked for some time. God how I miss them.

Ariana decided to call it a night an hour later, saying that she’s tired and that she has a busy day tomorrow.

The girls decided to rent two more rooms in the hotel. They said that they wanted to hang with me once more tomorrow and it’s more convenient since it’s late now and their apartment building is quite far. And by the girls, I mean Lauren, Lucy, Normani and Ally, Dinah wants to crash on mine again.

I just hope she doesn’t hit me with a pillow again tomorrow.