#seriously i am so bad with the angst. it's terrible.

[intoxicated-chan]

𝐈𝐭❜𝐬 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚 𝐒𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐂𝐮𝐭!

Summary ➳ When you and the rest decide to sneak up on an Orc camp, you receive an injury. You believe you can handle it yourself but Legolas thinks otherwise.

(A/n) ➳ I AM SO SORRY! Tumblr ended up deleting the request but I remember it but not all of it so forgive me if this isn’t what you wanted. If it isn’t then don’t hesitate to shoot a message or request again!! I also learned that apparently the Fellowship traveled at night and slept during the day. I seriously did not know that until today.

Word Count ➳ 1.5k

Content Warnings ➳ Gender Neutral Reader, description of violence, blood, death, stitching, blood loss, angst-to-fluff…

“There must be some other way.” Legolas uttered to Boromir. “You cannot believe that sending (Y/n) out to assassinate the Orcs is the best solution.”

“She won’t be alone, Aragorn will be there with them.” Boromir replied. “The two of them will attack from above while we attack from below.” He drew his sword, walking closer to the Orc that was alone. He was swift with it, moving behind the Orc and slitting its throat. “See? Wasn’t that hard.”

You took a deep breath as you aimed your bow, you kept your focus on the leader. You could see from the corner of your eye Aragon sneaking up on the other two. You knew he was waiting on your signal and he would wait however long, but you were all on a strict time.

Another deep breath and- “Hey!” You shouted out of instinct, Legolas’s arrow went through the Orc’s head, killing him but you brought attention to yourself.

You jumped down from the tree and quickly nocked, drew, aimed, and released at one Orc that was reaching for its weapon. You swerved past another arrow, more flying past your head until you took cover over a giant rock.

Before you could nock another arrow, an Orc came from behind, grabbing your arms to throw you against the ground. You rolled when he attempted to stab you, dodging more swings until you managed to kick his sword away.

He charged at you, taking your knife that was strapped to your leg, and used it against you. You used your bow to block a couple of slashes until he fell to the ground. Instead of standing, he got onto his knees and managed to stab you in your thigh.

You let out a scream but in return, you shot an arrow through his head. Your breathing staggered as your hand wrapped around the knife and slowly pulled it out and then covered it with terrible bandaging.

“(Y/n)!” Legolas popped up a few seconds later. “I heard you scream.”

“I believed I twisted my ankle.” You covered your wound with your as best as you could, smiling through the pain.

“Let me help you.” Legolas took your hand, helping you walk to the rest of the group. Luckily, your cloak covered your bleeding wound and your dark pants were enough to hide the blood seeping out. “We just have a couple more hours before daylight.”

Like Legolas said, Aragorn finally decided that it was time to rest. “We will set out when it becomes dark.” He told you all before he started to set up his makeshift bed.

Legolas looked over your ankle, looking closely and pressing against it, looking back at you for a reaction. “It doesn’t seem to be twisted, but it may be strained. You have been jumping a lot, and might have happened when your footing was incorrect.”

You could practically feel the sweat running down your forehead. “Does it seem bad?”

Legolas smiled, his usual smile that was beaming with kindness. “No, the pain should fade later. Are you in pain or hurt anywhere else?”

“No, no, thank you.” After Legolas joined Aragorn, chatting. It wasn’t long before it was just murmurs among the Fellowship. Sam and Frodo were cooking together, Gimli was most likely perched up against a tree sleeping, but you didn’t know about the rest.

You were farther into the forest, a needle and thread in your hand. You placed a thick piece of fabric in between your teeth and bit down, you used your other hand to keep the gash close together so you could stitch it.

You let out a strained cry as you attempted to stitch your wound yourself but it was difficult due to your vision blurring. You didn’t know how long you were out here, so focused on closing your wound that you didn’t hear branches breaking or leaves crunching.

“You’re hurt.” Legolas’s voice broke you out of your concentration. You could see the panic in his eyes, he kneeled by your side, taking the needle from you and moving your hand from your thigh. “And you’re doing it incorrectly. You’re hurting yourself more.”

He used his other hand to pull a container of water, and flushed out your wound. “How did you get this? And when?”

“Just a couple hours ago.”

“And you’ve been bleeding this entire time?” Legolas’s voice was filled to the brim with regret, like he was ashamed of himself. He carefully threaded the thread into your skin, making sure it wasn’t too tight or too loose.

You took out the cloth from your mouth. “Look Legolas, I’m still alive and well.” You tried to ease him. “I’ll be alright, I’m okay.”

“I should’ve known, you have been moving slower, as well as your reaction time.” He acknowledged. Once he finished stitching your wound, he poured water again to wash out the rest of the dried blood.

He helped you to your feet, throwing your arm over his shoulder and an arm around your waist. He moved at a slow pace back to camp, everyone was now asleep, save it for Aragorn who just watched you both silently.

He helped you lay down. “I’ll be fine.” You repeated yourself, it felt like the hundredth time.

Legolas shook his head. “Please, do not hide anything. You shouldn’t be silent about these kinds of things.”

As if waking up very early in the morning couldn’t be any better, Orcs have seemed to find you all. You had a feeling that they were stalking you all, waiting for the moment to attack. You used your bow instead of your sword, making sure none of the Orcs came close to the Hobbits.

An Orc charged at you. You dodged the first couple of swings but not the kick to the leg, making you kneel and it felt like the stitches broke.

You screamed as you used your arrow to stab it into the Orc’s shoulder. Legolas’s arrow came from behind and slew the bastard and Merry came to your side to help you stand.

“Run into the forest!” Boromir shouted, blocking the sword coming down at him. “Go! Quickly!”

Merry helped you speed through the forest. You suddenly felt sick, like you wanted to pass out. But it wasn’t long before the Orcs gave up the chase and Merry sat you against a tree.

“They’re bleeding!” Merry alerted the rest of the Fellowship.

Legolas dropped in front of you, pushing your hands away from the wound. “I need a needle and thread.” He said, more like demanded. “Or a cloth to stop the bleeding.”

Aragorn ripped a piece of his shirt and handed it to Legolas, he snatched it and was quick to tie it around your wound. “I’ll need some herbs, in case the wound becomes infected.” Sam shuffled through his bag. “Luckily you should be able to walk but not run.”

You swore under your breath. “It seems the Orcs are watching us at all times.” You looked up at Aragorn. “What do we do?” You asked him.

“There may be another camp nearby.” Aragorn replied. “Boromir, Legolas, we need to search.”

“Someone should stay and protect the Hobbits.”

“Gimli is here and (Y/n) still has the strength to use their bow.”

“But what if they need to retreat? What will happen then?” Legolas still pressed, wanting to remain by your side. “We cannot put the Hobbits at risk, especially the ringbearer.”

“Gimli will be here, just go with them.” You told him.

“I will not.”

Aragorn was too annoyed to even put up an argument anymore. “Let us go then.”

When they were out of sight, you pushed his shoulder slightly. “What was that?” You asked him, confused out of your mind.

“Someone must be here to protect the Hobbits-”

“I know that, it would’ve been fine. They are taking care of the camp, the Orcs won’t be nearby to bother us.” You once again tried to explain to him. “What is going on with you? Are you still feeling guilty?”

“No-”

“Doesn’t seem like that.” Your breathing hitched as you attempted to stand.

Legolas grabbed your warm to stop you. “You cannot be moving at the moment. Give yourself time to relax.”

“It’s just a small cut!”

“A cut that could’ve killed you.”

You huffed. “What is going on with you Legolas?”

“Becoming reckless is one thing but hiding a serious injury that could have killed you is another. It makes me worry, it makes me question if you have more injuries you’ve hidden.”

“Look, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about the wound. I didn’t think that it would mean so much for you.” You admitted.

“I worry, I worry every single day, every fight, during the night and during the daybreak. Will the morrow be the day where someone or something takes you from me?” His hand grazed over your wound. “I just want to know I’ve done everything and anything.”

“I’m sorry.” You apologized again.

“Just promise me, I do not care how small it is or how big, please do not hesitate to ask for help.”

You nodded. “I promise.”

© Intoxicated-Chan 2023, I do not allow my work to be copied, translated, modified, adapted, or put on any other platform without my permission.

[kentobb]

PRESAGE | CHAPTER SIX

Characters: Ushijima Wakatoshi x Female Reader

Genre: Angst ANGST Angst

Warnings: Foul Language and LOTS OF ANGST.

Author’s note: There’s a lot of Angst in this chapter. Beware.

Ushijima sat at the bar, his broad shoulders hunched forward as he nursed a glass of whiskey. The dim lighting cast shadows over his usually impassive face, revealing lines of worry and a vulnerability that Tendo had never seen before. Tendo, perched on the stool beside him, watched his old friend with a mixture of concern and curiosity. He had always known Ushijima as the unshakable pillar, a man of few words and even fewer outward emotions.

Tonight was different.

"Hey, Ushiwaka," Tendo began, trying to sound casual despite the knot of worry tightening in his chest. "What happened tonight, man? I've never seen you like this."

Ushijima took a long sip of his drink before responding, his voice a low rumble. "I kissed her.”

Tendo blinked in surprise. “Are you guys back together?”

"No, I just…" Ushijima said, his eyes fixed on the amber liquid in his glass. "It was a lot of things. Lots of emotions. I wasn't there when he was born. I wasn't there for any of it. I wasn’t there for her. And she only keeps pushing me away.”

Tendo let out a slow breath, trying to process the gravity of Ushijima's words. He had always seen his friend as an impenetrable fortress, someone who carried the weight of the world on his broad shoulders without so much as a flinch. But here he was, baring his soul in a way that was both heartbreaking and profoundly human.

"Listen, Ushiwaka," Tendo said softly, placing a hand on his friend's arm. “Everything may seem disastrous. But believe me when I say that things will get better.”

Ushijima looked up, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I don't know if I can do it, Tendo. She hates me, doesn’t want me to met him. What if he doesn't want anything to do with me? He's out there, growing up without knowing who I am. And I... I feel terrible about it. He deserves to know. To know his father."

Tendo squeezed his arm reassuringly. "You can't think like that. The important thing is that you try. He might be angry, confused, maybe even hurt at first. But kids are resilient, and they understand more than we give them credit for. He deserves the chance to know his father, and you deserve the chance to be in his life."

Ushijima nodded slowly, the weight of Tendo's words sinking in. "You're right. I have to try.”

Tendo smiled, a rare moment of seriousness in his usually playful demeanor. "Exactly. And remember, you're not alone in this. I'll help you however I can. You're like a brother to me, Ushiwaka. We'll get through this together."

Ushijima's stoic facade cracked, a small, grateful smile appearing on his lips. "Thank you, Tendo. I... I don't know what I'd do without you."

Tendo chuckled, the tension in the air easing slightly. "Well, you'd probably be a lot less entertained, that's for sure. But seriously, everything's going to be alright. We'll figure this out, one step at a time."

The next day, Ushijima stood outside your apartment, his heart pounding in a way it never had before a volleyball match. He raised his hand to knock, hesitating for a moment, then rapped on the door. Moments later, it swung open, your eyes widened in surprise, jaw nearly dropping. The argument you had the night before was still fresh in your mind, tension lingering in the air between the two of you.

"Ushijima," you said, voice barely above a whisper. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you," he replied, his tone earnest. "Is this a bad time?"

You glanced behind you, into the apartment, then back at him. "No, it's fine. Asami took Asahi to school. Come in."

He entered the apartment and quickly settled into the living room. Ushijima sat on the edge of the couch, his hands clasped together, while you sat across from him, expression wary.

"Y/N," he began, his voice low and steady. "I'm sorry for the outburst yesterday. I was overwhelmed... I didn't handle it well. But I need—“

You nodded slowly, eyes fixed on him, waiting.

"I want to meet my son," he said, his voice trembling slightly with emotion. "I need to. Whether or not I deserve it, it’s my right as his father."

A heavy silence fell between the two of you, one that made him shiver. He could feel the weight of your gaze, the conflict in your eyes.

"I'm scared," You finally said, voice soft but firm. "I'm scared of how Asahi will react. I want to protect him. He's... he's everything to me."

"Don't you think I want that too?" Ushijima's voice was raw with emotion, his eyes pleading with yours. "He's my son too. I want to protect him just as much as you do."

You stood firm, arms crossed protectively over your chest. “I understand that, Ushijima, but it’s not that simple…Asahi…Asahi is only five. He doesn’t know you. Bringing you into his life suddenly could confuse and scare him.”

“I can protect him, too,” Ushijima countered, his voice rising. “I’m his father. I have a right to be in his life. You don’t get to decide that on your own.”

You shook your head, tears welling in your eyes. “I’m not trying to keep him from you. I’m trying to protect him. He’s been through so much already. I don’t want to disrupt his life.”

Ushijima took a step closer, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. “Do you think I want to disrupt his life? I want to be there for him, to support him, to love him. But I can’t do that if you keep shutting me out.”

Your heart ached at the pain in his eyes, but your fear for Asahi was stronger. “You don’t understand what it’s been like. I’ve had to make all the decisions on my own. I’ve had to be both mother and father to him. And now you’re here, demanding to be part of his life, but you haven’t been here. You haven’t seen what he’s been through.”

“And whose fault is that?” Ushijima shot back, his voice breaking. “You never told me. You never gave me the chance to be there.”

Your tears spilled over, voice shaking with emotion. “You left me to make your dreams come true, you would have done the same thing with Asahi.”

Ushijima's frustration had reached its breaking point, and the words tumbled out before he could stop them. “I would have stayed for Asahi, not for you.”

The silence that followed was deafening. You stood motionless, eyes widening in shock. Your face crumpled as the weight of his words sank in, the heartbreak clear and devastating. You looked away, unable to meet his eyes, body trembling with the effort to hold yourself together.

The room seemed to shrink around the two of you, the walls closing in as the voices echoed off the surfaces. Your heart pounded in her chest, a mix of anger, fear, and sorrow.

In that moment, Ushijima realized the gravity of what he had said. The anger and frustration that had fueled his words evaporated, leaving only a hollow regret. He wanted to take it back, to tell you he didn’t mean it, Fuck, but the words lodged in his throat, refusing to come out.

Both of you stared at each other, the tension thick in the air. After what felt like an eternity, your voice, was barely a whisper. “If I had told you back then… you would have stayed, but not because you loved me. You would have given up your dreams, and you would have resented me. You would have resented us.”

Your words cut through him, each one a knife to his heart. You wiped your tears with a trembling hand, your eyes still fixed on the floor. “I wanted to protect Asahi, but I also wanted to protect you. I didn’t want to destroy your dreams. And now… now I don’t even know if I did the right thing.”

Ushijima’s throat tightened, his chest constricting with unspoken apologies. He had never felt so helpless, so trapped by his own emotions. The realization that his words had caused you such pain was a weight he didn’t know how to bear.

You took a deep, shaky breath, your voice steadier but still filled with sorrow. “You’re right, Ushijima. You need to meet your son. But it has to be slow. We have to do this carefully, for his sake.”

You finally looked up, but your eyes didn’t meet his. Instead, they focused somewhere over his shoulder, as if you couldn’t bear to see him. That avoidance cut deeper than anything else, a silent confirmation of the hurt he had caused.

“I’ll do whatever it takes to make this work,” you continued, voice devoid of its earlier strength. “But please, understand that this isn’t easy for me. I’m scared for him, and I’m scared for us.”

Ushijima nodded, though you weren’t looking at him to see it. He had gotten what he wanted—he would be able to see his son. But at what cost? The pain in your eyes, the heartbreak he had inflicted, made the victory feel hollow and tainted.

He wanted to say he was sorry, to reach out and comfort you, to take back the words that had caused so much damage. But the apology was stuck, the weight of his own guilt and frustration silencing him.

"I think it would be best if it happened in a place where he feels comfortable.” You began, voice steady but soft. “There’s this ice cream place he loves. It’s his favorite spot."

Ushijima nodded, sensing the importance of the suggestion. "That sounds like a good idea. I want him to feel at ease."

Your eyes softened, and for a moment, the tension between the two of you seemed to ease, or at least he thought. "It's called Sweet Delights. It's just a few blocks from here. We go there every Friday after school. Maybe... maybe you could meet us there this Friday?"

Ushijima smiled, a rare warmth in his usually stoic expression. "I’d like that. Thank you, Y/N.”

You nodded, "I'll talk to Asahi beforehand, let him know that there's someone special he’s going to meet. But I want you to understand... he's still a child. This is going to be a lot for him."

"I understand," Ushijima said gently. "I'll go at his pace. I just want him to know who I am."

"Alright," You said, voice shaky and painful, "Friday, at Sweet Delights. Around 4 PM." The pain in your tone was unmistakable.

"I'll be there," Ushijima promised.

Your face was turned away, but he could see the tension in your posture, the way your shoulders hunched as if trying to protect yourself from further hurt. The silence between was heavy, laden with unspoken words and raw emotions.

He took a hesitant step closer, his eyes never leaving your face. He could see the tears brimming in your eyes, ready to spill over at any moment. The sight of your pain was almost too much to bear. "Hey…” he began, his voice soft, laden with regret and desperation.

But you didn't look at him. You stood still, face turned away, every line of your body taut with tension. Ushijima reached out, his hand trembling, and tried to take yours. The moment his fingers brushed against your skin, you flinched and pulled away, the rejection hitting him like a physical blow.

You turned and walked to the door, movements slow and deliberate. When you reached it, you opened it wide, the gesture as clear as any words could be. You wanted him to leave. Without saying a word, you had dismissed him from your presence, from the fragile moment you had shared.

Ushijima took a deep breath, the air catching in his throat. His chest felt tight, constricted by the weight of everything unsaid. He took one last look at you, hoping for a flicker of something—anything—that would tell him you both weren't completely lost to each other. But you remained still, her eyes refusing to meet his.

With a heavy heart, he turned and walked out, the door closing softly behind him. The finality of that sound echoed in his mind, a poignant reminder of the distance.

Standing in the hallway, Ushijima felt an overwhelming emptiness settle over him. He had come here seeking a connection, hoping to start building a bridge to his son. Instead, he had inadvertently widened the chasm between himself and you.

He took a deep breath, the air feeling cold and thin. The emotions he had kept tightly controlled now swirled chaotically within him—regret, sorrow, anger at himself. He wanted to turn back, to knock on the door and say all the things that were trapped inside him. But the memory of your tear-filled eyes and the way you had pulled away from his touch held him back.

<3 Let me know in the comments your reaction. Comments, notes or reblogs are appreciated 🩷

[scribblesofagoonerr]

For what it's worth, I'm sorry and I don't really hate you | Inner Demons

⟫ Alphabet Challenge, F - For what it's worth, I'm sorry and I don't really hate you

Pairings: leah williamson x teen reader, arsenal wfc x teen reader

Hello, I'm back with part 6. Sorry it's been a bit of a wait, life gets in the way and makes it hard to write, but here's the next part. I honestly don't know how many chapters this will have because I'm really enjoying writing it, so hey ho, I might even just make this one small fic series of many ideas' I currently have in my head :)

I don't know if this chapter does make much sense at all and non of it's been proof read again, so it could be a bit all over the place but please let me know what you think!

Thank you for all the ongoing support so far, it's overwhelming to see how much that you all love this, and it gives me motivation to continue to write!

My asks are open for anyone to drop me an any ideas' on this fic or anything else that people would like to see be written, however, I am only comfortable writing anything platonic though :)

You're progressing well to get better and you're slowly returning to usual happy, self chaotic self.

TW: angst and mentions of SH, MH, suicide and death.

"So, what's the food in this place like then?" Kyra broke the silence in the room, where all the girls were all crowded in as they came to visit you in the pysch ward of the hospital during the visiting hours.

It had been 46 hours since you had been detained, 46 hours since you all but shouted at Leah that you hated her.

You really did regret it.

You didn't actually mean that though, and you had been feeling terrible about it ever since the words escaped your mouth.

"Seriously, Kyra?" Steph stares at the younger Australian in disbelief.

"What? I'm just trying to make conversation here" Kyra replies, shrugging her shoulders.

Caitlin can't help but snort. "And you decide to start with asking what the foods' like?" she teases the twenty-one-year-old.

"Yeah, cos' I've heard that hopsital food is disgusting and all" Kyra remarks to the older girl, sticking her tongue out at her.

"Very mature" Steph rolls her eyes at the two of them.

"So, what is the food like then?" Vic asks, peeking interest to know the answer.

"Terrible, I think that even Leahs' cooking might be better than what they're serving on the menu here" You can't help but grin cheekily.

"Ouch it must be bad then" Beth joins in with the joke.

"You'd better not let her hear you say outloud or I think she'd been offended" Viv tells you as she can't help but smile slightly, just happy to see you slowly returning to your old self.

"So, she didn't come with you guys then?" You ask as you pull at the sleeves of the hoodie you currently had on.

You don't miss the look that all the girls share with one another. You weren't an idiot to know something was going on.

"Just tell me what's going on" You stare at them all, trying to get an answer out of them.

"She's outside in the waiting room with Lia" Jen admits, exhaling a sigh.

"Oh" Your smile falters at the disappointing news.

"She wanted to come in with us Y/N but it was hard for her" Beth explains on behlf of the blonde, who you miss terribley. "I'm sure when she's ready, she'll come and see you" she adds, trying to keep the hope alive.

You really had messed up with what you said, you doubt that she would want to visit you, nor would she want you to come back to the flat where you lived with her.

"Oh uh, well then that's okay I guess, I mean I don't blame her for not coming cos' what I said was horrible and stuff" You make up an excuse as you find sudden interest with the floor beneath you.

"It's not your fault for being angry, Y/N" Katie pats you on the shoulder.

"How're you feeling now?" Alessia asks, concerned as a way to try and change the subject.

"Is this your way of subtly asking me if I'm going to try and attempt to kill myself again?" You glance around at all of the girls' faces in the room.

"Y/N" Kim shoots you a disapproving look.

"The answers no by the way" You mumble quietly.

"Y/N" Kim repeats again, a bit louder.

"What? You know I like to make dark humour jokes in this type of situation. It's just a coping mechanism" You tell your captain as you hold your hands up in mock-surrender, who continues to look at you with a certain look that makes you back down straightaway. "Alright, okay, I'll tone it down with the death jokes" You mumble, slouching further down in your seat.

"How's she been doing?" Leah stands in the reception area of the hospital and fumbles with her hands, as she speaks to one of the doctors.

"Y/N has making good progress. I think another day or so and she'll be ready to come home" The doctor explains with a kind smile.

"That's great news" Lia says, smiling as she glances at the blonde for her reaction.

Leahs' eyes widen in surprise and smiles slightly. "Yeah, that's good to hear. I'm proud of her making so much progress in such a short space of time" she tells the doctor.

"It is, Y/N/N has really thrown herself into trying to get better, the therapy sessions seem to be going well too" The doctor tells them honestly. "Are you going to go and see her? I'm sure that she'd love to see you" she adds.

The blondes feels apprehensive, her eyes dart over in the direction of where the doors led to the psych ward, where you would be with the rest of the girls that had all visited.

Leah had wanted to as well, she just couldn't find the courage to actually take the steps and dipped out at the last minute.

"I hate you, Leah" The words that you shouted at her, played in her head on a constant loop.

"Uh, I don't know about that. I'm not sure if she's going to want to see me" Leah confesses, shoving her hands in her pockets.

"Le, you don't know that" Lia squeezes the blondes' shoulder gently as she tries to reassure her.

"I know that she hates me, Wally. You heard what she said before" Leah replies quietly, shaking her head as she takes another glance towards the doors.

"You know that she didn't mean that, Le. You know she is just a kid with a lot of feelings sometimes" Lia tells the blonde, smiling at her.

Leah looks a bit more apprehensive as she shakes her head. "There was so much hatred in her voice when she said, it felt like she did mean it" she disagrees with her.

"She was angry the other day though, Le and you even said that yourself" Lia reminds the younger girl.

Leah hums as she bites her bottom lip "But what if she doesn't want to see me? I know she's going to be angry with me for leaving her here in this place" she admits to the older girl.

"She's been asking for you every day since she has been here" The doctor pipes in, gently smiling at the two girls.

"Really?" Leah asks, blinking in slight surprise.

"Yes, Y/N has told me about the visits from all of the girls but the only person she mentioned that she actually wants to see is you, Leah" The doctor tells the blonde.

"See?" Lia smiles at Leah and sqeeuzes her shoulder. "I told you that I don't think Y/N could ever hate you or be angry, you know that, Le" she insists.

"I know" Leah bites her bottom lip anxiously, taking another glance at the door ahead. "I just can't help but feel horrible for making the decision and I'm weary incase she resents me for it" she admits, quietly.

The doctor frowns at them both. "I know it must have been hard to be the one to make that call but it was for the right one to give her the best possible chance to get better" They explain.

"You shouldn't be blaming yourself for this, Le. It's what was needed" Lia repeats the doctors words, so to speak.

"Yeah, yeah I know" Leah admits, pulling at the sleeves of her hoodie that she had on.

"You're nervous to see her?" The doctor asks, making the brief observation.

Leah can't help but snort slightly. "That obvious?" she jokes.

"I've been in this job for a while now, it's easy enough to pick up on things like this" The doctor chuckles amusedly. "Regardless of what may have been said, I have a feeling that Y/N will be happy enough to see you" They add in.

"SNAP" You scream loudly as you slam your hand down on the deck of cards that are on the table. "HA! I win!" You cheer in glee.

Kyra let's out a irritated huff while she glares at you. "Why are you so vicious with this game?" she asks.

"I want to win" You smirk and stick your tongue out at her, pulling the deck of cards towards you.

"Kyra, you're literally losing a child" Vic chips in, watching the game amusedly.

"Said child is a menace" Kyra mumbles as she pouts.

"Sucks to be a loser" You can't help but quip as you reshuffle the deck of cards in your hand.

"Room for a couple more visitors?" Leah pokes her head round the door and braces herself for your initial reaction to seeing her.

"LE!" You dart up from your seat and run to the blonde, abandoning the game of cards completely.

All feelings of anger had been swept aside as you were just happy to see her in the room. You thought you'd blown it when you told her that you hated her.

"Hi bubs" Leah instantly embraces you in her arms and kisses the top of your hair. "I've missed you, Y/N/N. I'm so sorry I haven't been to visit you" she apologises.

"S' okay, you're here now" You mumble, burying her head in her chest as you refuse to let go off her.

"Oi I'm here too, you know" Lia jokes playfully, knowing that you would want that moment with just the blonde.

"Yeah, yeah. Hi Wally" You grin cheekily at the older girl before you turn back towards the older blonde girl. "I'm sorry for what I said cos' I didn't mean what I said about hating you, I was angry and upset and I really don't hate you I promise!" You tell her honestly.

"It's okay bubs, I know you were upset and didn't mean it" Leah smiles as she squeezes you a bit more tighter than before, being careful in case she caught any of your bandages on your arms.

Moving to sit down on the now vacant chair, Leah plonks you down on her lap as she keeps her arms wrapped around you tightly since it was apparent you weren't going to let go any time soon but she was okay with how clingy you was after she hadn't seen you in a few days.

"Whats' been going on here then?" Lia looks towards the game that was previously being played.

"We were playing cards, but Kyras' being proper salty because she's loosing now" You grin, sticking your tongue out at the Australian girl.

"How do you even loose at that game?" Steph wonders.

"I didn't know you could even loose at snap" Beth chuckles, amusedly.

"Apparently so" Jen jokes, joining in with the two of them.

Leah can't help but laugh amusedly as she runs her fingers through your hair. "The doctor said that you're making good progress" she tells you.

"Mhm" You mumble, resting your head on her shoulder.

"That's good news!" Vic overhears the conversation as she smiles at you.

"Yeah, that means you'll be able to come home soon enough" Alessia pipes in.

Katie can't help but scoff. "She should've never been here in the first place" she sneers in the direction where Leah is sat.

"Katie" Kim glares at the Irish girl.

"What? It's true!" Katie exclaims in outrage, not backing down from glaring at the blonde. "You and I both know it, we all do! She should've never been here, she should have been at home with people that care about her" she insists.

"It's what was best for her" Leah fires back just as quick.

"Was it?" Katie scowls at her.

"Can you guys please not talk about me like I'm not in the room?" You huff and glance between the two older girls.

"Sorry kid" Katie apologises.

"Sorry bubs" Leah apologises.

"Hey, Y/N/N, it'll be good that you're getting out of hospital soon enough now" Kyra slyly grins at you, looking forward to the pair of you being able to cause mischief in no time.

"Yeah, partners in crime reunited again" You grin at the Aussie girl.

"No, no! Absolutely not!" Steph protests, shaking her head. "It took me at least a week to get the ketchup of the ceiling after the last stunt that you two idiots pulled" She adds.

"I don't know what you're talking about" You try to act innocent as you slyly smirk at Kyra.

"Oh, really? So the baking soda just happened to find it's way inside the ketchup bottle, did it?" Steph narrows her eyes' in the direction of the two of you.

"Maybe" Kyra can't help the shit eating grin on her face.

"I know that look, the pair of you are definitely going to be up to no good" Viv shakes her head.

Jen chuckles in amusement. "You two willl definitely be under a careful watch now incase the next prank gets out of hand" She notes.

"Sure, cos' I'm not going to already be watched like a hawk now anyways, right?" You remark sarcastically, peering up at the older blonde.

"What do you think?" Leah replies back, raising one of her eyebrows.

"You can relax, Le. I'm not going to attempt to kill myself again any time soon" You joke, not realising that now probably isn't the best time to make any type of comment like that.

"Y/N" Kim and Leah both scold you at the same time.

You huff when you realise the pair of them are already ganging up on you and remember that being the baby of the team definitely sucks sometimes.

"What? I'm just saying, I'm not gonna, well unless Leah attempts to try and cook dinner again then it's an easy way out-- Ow! What the fuck?" You continue to make jokes about the situation at hand, jolting in shock when you feel a light pinch on your thigh from said blonde you are sat on.

"Language" Leah states sternly, giving you one of her famous glares.

"That was mean of you to do that! Too soon to make jokes about it then?" You pout and rub your thigh to try and relieve some of the pain. "Yep got it" You add, smiling innocently at the blonde.

"So, I thought you weren't going to come in because it was hard for you?" Katie scoffs at the blonde, deciding to bring the subject up now that you were out of the room, having gone to grab a drink with Jen, Steph and Beth.

"Katie" Viv glances at Katie and exhales a sigh.

"It has been hard Katie" Leah admits, biting her bottom lip.

Katie scoffs again. "Oh? I'm sorry, I'm sure it must have been so hard for you, Leah" she deadpans.

"You don't know how hard it has been, Katie!" Leah shouts loud around the room, attracting a few looks in her direction.

"Wonderful" Steph speaks up first, exhaling a sigh.

"Not again" Beth mumbles, shaking her head.

"They're fighting again, aren't they?" You huff as you walk back towards the room with Jen as you can hear the raised voices from the two girls, who weren't seeing eye to eye now

"I think so" Jen agrees.

"Fantastic" You mumble, slowly walking back into the room.

"Oh? And how do you think it's been for Y/N/N? You made the decision to keep her in here!" Katie continues to argue with the blonde, not afraid to be open about her feelings. "You haven't even visited her once while she's been here" she adds.

The Irish girl really hadn't been happy with the whole decision that had been made but there was nothing that she could do herself to stop it from happening.

It had left a tense atmosphere between the two girls and they'd shared a few cross words ever since.

"It wasn't my choice Katie!" Leah insists, continuing to argue with the fiesty Irish girl.

Katie couldn't help but scoff and roll her eyes. "Sure, but you could have said something to stop it!" she fires back at the blonde, not willing to back down from the argument just yet.

"Girls lets' not do this here" Kim looks between the two of them as she notices you walk back into the room with the older girls.

"Katie, come on, just leave it" Caitlin takes a hold of the girls' hand to try and calm her down.

However, neither of the girls were willing to back down just yet.

They were both just as stubborn as one another sometimes.

"The doctors thought it was best since Y/N/N--" Leahs' words were cut off by you, walking in right at that moment.

"Tried to kill myself, I tried to end my life, and it would have worked if Leah hadn't ran in and stopped me, so everyone thinks keeping me locked up in here it will help to keep me safe"

The room is suddenly so silent that you could hear a pin drop.

Whoops?

"Hey, at least the therapy is somehow helping to help me express my feelings now. Yay" You deadpan, plonking yourself back down on Leahs' lap as you rip open the packet of Haribo Tangfastics you had brought from the hospital shop. "So, does anyone want a sweet?" You offer, like you hadn't just said what you did.

[smooth-perceval]

“Make the world go away”

Charles Leclerc x Fem!Reader

Summary: The reader is struggling after going public with Charles- reader has a breakdown when Charles returns home.

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of depression, reader hating herself a lot- a lot of body shaming, death threats, Charles being so sweet, a lot of tears, fluff, my bad writing.

Word count: 2,041

Music: Make the world go away- Duffy.

Key: Y/N (Your name)

A/N: I’ve been feeling a bit off lately- and there was no other song to describe how I felt than the one I have tagged- it’s a cover by Duffy, original singer Timi Yuro if I’m correct <3

THIS WAS RUSHED I HAVE A VERRYYYY GOOD CHARLES SERIES THAT IM STARTING AND IM EGER TO GET THE FORST CHAPTER OUT BY TOMROROW EVENING!!

Enjoy!!

Charles and me went public roughly 3 weeks ago- not officially public, but I mean it’s official in the sense I had been spotted with him during race weekend- and not exactly in a friendly manner, wrapped up with one and another at the back of his garage- stealing sweet kisses and adoring smiles.

I’ve attended races before- been in exact same spot before yet this time we got caught, and well-

My, oh my you should’ve seen the headlines…

-Charles newest trophy,

-Leclerc at it again,

-Leclerc’s mysterious girl.

-The Ferrari driver and the other woman.

The other woman? It’s been a year since his ex and him announced their split- somehow I’m the other woman? I mean give me a break…

Seriously, give me a break- the hate I’ve received for liking a boy was just unreal. Charles was a saint in their eyes- but me? Oh I was the wicked witch of the west, I somehow bewitched this boy into wanting me- it was all my fault!

Overtime the hate as always gets too much, and now I find myself every night finding a new flaw on my once perfect body. A new feature on me I didn’t realise was so disgusting until that one user online commented about it.

I found myself stuck in rotation infront of a mirror I used to once love admiring myself in. The same old mirror that now shows a broken girl, struggling to breathe like I was drowning in a pool of hatred. The world weighing me down sitting like devils on my shoulders, always reminding me that I am not good enough for the world.

Not ever good enough for Charles.

And just like a routine I was stuck in crying myself to sleep every night and ensure Charles that I was fine, “I’m just tired” I was tired truthfully, I was tired of it all, I couldn’t take it anymore- I hated myself for not loving me more, I hated me for not loving Charles more, I hated me for not being perfect for him. I hate me.

I finally urged myself to get in the shower tonight. Not only the fact I needed one- but because Charles was soon to arrive home, and I had to wash off every piece of evidence that I’ve been feeling so lost and alone.

As the night rolled on more, I laid in bed- Charles robe tied tightly around my body hiding the matching black underwear set, hair still wrapped up in a towel. The mirrors were avoided- I knew for a fact I looked terrible, but couldn’t bring myself to confirm it. My eyes were glued to the time on my phone, expecting the guy I need is such desperate times to walk through the door.

Another 10 more minutes and his back to being mine. Sighing to myself I rolled my head to the side the towel coming loose and sprawling across the bed, finally catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and like a trance I found myself sliding off the bed and over to the exact mirror, watching myself like I was hunting me down. The girl in the mirror wasn’t getting away again, she had to be judged.

My damp hair dripped behind me leaving a little trail from the bed to the mirror, some wet strands sticking to my face. With a huff I brushed them back before untying the robe, revealing my semi-naked self, my bra strap sliding down with the robe- and like my hair I brushed it back up with a defeated sigh.

Moving side to side, I observed every crease in my body, every mole, every dent, every scratch. I observed everything- stepping away from the mirror I took in my entire body, it was horrid. What did Charles see in me?

The girls he could have and he chose me- I feel sick looking at myself, I don’t know how he must feel… I hate me. I hate that nobody thinks I’m perfect for him, perfect for their Charles.

Lip quivering, and my cheeks slowly getting wetter by the moment, I slid my hands over my stomach and hips- my skin feeling rough, biting my hands at every movement.

Eating me alive- and with shallow breaths I glanced away from the mirror trying to regain some control over myself. The shallow breaths soon eased, and I finally felt like I could breathe again.

Like I wasn’t suffocating anymore, or that the room wasn’t getting smaller and as soon as I could breathe I looked back at myself once again.

“mon chéri-” (my darling)

Spinning around on the spot- caught in the act I stared at a very confused Charles.

“What are you doing?” A little smile on his face as he stepped in the room, forgetting his suitcase and bags behind him.

“I didn’t hear the door go-” swallowing the lump in my throat I quickly crouch down scrambling to grab Charles robe from the floor.

Charles had moved further into the room crouching down to my height. “And even so you still haven’t welcomed me home.” His smile grew even more teasing as he placed his knee onto the robe holding it down.

“Charles move over-” a fake laugh left me as I tugged away at the robe, more self conscious by the second.

“Where’s my kiss?”

“Two seconds let me just cover up-”

“Do I have to kiss you hm?” Raising his eyebrows he brushed my damp hair over my shoulder.

“Charles move.” Looking up at him with a glare, I pulled hardener at the fabric underneath his knee.

Now furrowing his eyebrows, he lifted his knee watching me, like a lion stalking his prey, eyes glued to me just like I was not long ago in the mirror.

Quickly scrambling away, I pulled the robe over me quickly tying it even more tighter around my waist, abruptly standing up.

“Sorry… I didn’t meant to raise my voice.” Chewing my lip anxiously, looking down at Charles, still knelt on one knee, on the floor beneath me.

“What was that all about?”

“What? Me raising my voice?”

Shaking his head, he now knelt on both knees raising himself up a little, his head at waist line as he looked up at me.

“You practically begged for this robe.”

His face showed no emotion. Truthfully he looked like he was still piecing together what just happened. “I was just getting cold that’s all- come stand up so I can welcome you home-” rubbing my hands through his hair, I slid my hands to either side of his face.

And like in a trance guided him to his feet, him now standing tall above me.

“Welcome home” leaning up onto my tip toes I kissed his lips softly.

Charles lips didn’t move against mine, they was stiff. He was now stiff.

“You’ve been crying.” Closing my eyes, I pulled away from him stepping back.

“No I haven’t long showered Charles.”

“I know what this is.” Nodding his head with surety he stepped closer. Guiding his hands to my hips and pulling me in, both of us now inches apart.

“Take it off.” His hands now found the strings of the robe pulling them loose.

“Charles-”

“I’m not asking Y/N.” With tired eyes, they silently begged me to re-undress. Mine? They filled with tears once again, lip trembling as I tired to hold it all back.

“I’m so sorry Charles…” looking down at his hands watching him intently, them now brushing the robe back off my shoulders and back onto the ground, kicking it aside.

Gulping to myself Charles now moved, looking up quickly wondering where he had gone, I then felt his presence behind me. “Look at you.” He brushed my hair over the other shoulder, now resting his head on the bare one, hands now resting on my hips again.

“Look at you mon chéri.” (My darling)

“I am looking at me…” sighing I tilt my head slightly, the tears making their way down and dripping off my chin.

“Why you crying?” His hand reached around wiping both cheeks and cupping my jaw, bringing my head to tilt his way.

“Because-”

With a delicate kiss to my cheek, he then stared at me through the mirror.

“Use your words Y/N”

With another loud sigh, I finally gave in. Pushing my back closer into his chest, his arms in an instinct manner wrapped securely around me holding me tight.

“I’m not good enough for you Charles.”

“Who said so?”

“Everyone says so-”

“My maman thinks your perfect.” Smiling a little at me his hands started caressing my body.

“I think your perfect.” He placed a gentle kiss to the top of my spine and slowly trailed kisses down it.

“I just want them all to leave me alone…” looking up at the ceiling I bite my lip, to stop more tears, and to suppress any other emotions wanting to escape.

“Who?” While once again knelt on the floor he grabbed my waist softly twirling me on the spot.

“the whole world.” Subconsciously my hands now rested on his shoulders squeezing them tight.

“Make the world go away.”

Smiling sadly up at me, his head placed itself resting against my stomach, arms hugging my legs, like a child.

“Get it off of my shoulders.”

Wrapping my arms protectively around his head I bent slightly trying to lower myself to his level. He was quick to move, now throwing me over his shoulders and moving over to the bed, and ever so softly placing me down. Throwing the towel that was once wrapped around my head somewhere else in the room.

“ma jolie fille” (my pretty girl)

Charles started placing sweet kisses over every inch of my body, whispering sweet nothings between each kiss.

“Do you realise, how absolutely gorgeous you are?” Now hovering above me, one arm supporting him up, the other tracing small circles on my inner thigh. Clouding my thoughts.

“Do you realise, that no matter if you was a worm-” pausing he rolled his eyes with a smile, reciting when I asked him a few weeks ago if he would still be with me if I was a worm.

“You do realise I would still love you with my whole entire heart and soul?”

Leaning down his lips brushed mine, hand now stopped moving- but gripping onto my thigh kneading it slowly.

“I’m not good enough for you Charles…” breathing hitched, not for holding back tears- better yet holding back a moan, Charles had me wrapped around his finger always, and the way his making me forget the such hate I have had, and the emotions I have shed. Made me love him.

“You right.” Like a shot to the chest- I started to close up.

“You more than perfect for me.” Sighing a breath of relief, my arms wrapped around his neck pulling him a little closer.

“Je t'aime Y/N.” (I love you Y/N)

Once again my breathing hitched, and my heart skipped a beat.

“I love your smile, your eyes, your nose, your lips, your ears, your neck, your shoulders, your chest, your stomach, yours legs, your feet, even your toes. I love you.”

Eyes welling up I sighed in a bliss.

“I don’t think I can ever stop the hate mon chéri… I wish I could protect you from the world truthfully. But I make you a promise that for every day I’m breathing I promise to love your heart- and fill it with pure utter happiness and love. Whatever them people are saying are wrong, and even if you looked like your little worm, I will still love that caring heart of yours.” (My darling)

Leaning down to my chest, he kisses just between my breast so gently, like if he didn’t my heart would break.

“je t'aime aussi Charles.” (I love you too Charles) Finally with a genuine smile on my face I rest my head back comfortably into the cushions.

“Now let me show you how much I love you.” Biting down on the middle of my bra he pulled at it teasingly. Causing me to giggle.

“let me welcome you home mon beau garçon.” (My pretty boy)

A/N: Okyyy it was very rushed but like I said I have a Charles x Fem!Reader series coming outttt and I wanna let you all have the first chalter as soon as possible!!!

Masterlist

[liesmyth]

the locked tomb holiday exchange rec list

Behold! The good, the magnificent, the sad! The filth and the angst and the feelings! The weird shit that would make TazMuir proud! 💀🎉✨☠️🔥🎊

Here are some favourites from a skim of works posted for @tlt-holiday-exchange, both art and fic. They are MANY and they are JUICY. Find the entire collection HERE, and keep an eye on for authors reveal coming soon!

ART FILLS

A Beautiful Fairy Tale. Wake tells little Bomb a bedtime story but she can't mention a princess without talking about guillotines. Rated T.

Dubious Curiosity. Nona is curious. Nona loves everyone. And Nona wants Cam. (Camilla/Nona) Rated M.

Fingers In Her Mouth. Camilla Hect misses the Warden. Maybe he can lend a helping hand… even in death. (Camilla/hand!Palamedes) Rated M.

just guys being bros. Camilla/Gideon. Gideon touches a boob! A very happy new year to awkward butch lesbians everywhere. Rated T.

Pyrrha Dve Appreciation. Pyrrha & Nona, soft hugs! Rated G.

Stealing Breath. Camilla/Gideon butch-off make-out session. Rated G.

To Shreds, You Say? Pyrrha/Mercymorn/Wake fucking nasty. Rated E.

FIC FILLS

a buried and a burning flame. Coronabeth fucks Gideon's corpse. Rated E.

For all intents and purposes the corpse of the Ninth’s cavalier is a bad lay. That’s all fine, though.

a grave, deep and narrow. Camilla/Palamedes, GtN AU, Character Death, Tape Recorder Conversation Redux. Podfic included! Rated T

Only Lyctors were meant to leave the First House alive. Ianthe insists on bringing Coronabeth; Judith dies of her injuries. Camilla is stranded alone at Canaan House — alone, except for the persistent hallucinations of her necromancer.

affix. Coronabeth/Harrow, humiliation kink, improper use of bones, dom!Harrow, GtN era. rated E.

Cytherea doesn't go to Canaan House AU - Corona overconfidently approaches Harrow in the hopes of exchanging lab keys. Harrow humbles her quickly.

AITA for telling my dad I didn't like my birthday party? Gideon & John, In-Universe Social Media, Character study, Rated T.

I (20F) told my dad (45?M) that I wanted a cool birthday party, but he threw me a terrible birthday party instead. Am I really the asshole for telling him I didn't like it?

and kings shall come out of thy loins. Gideon/Ianthe, crack treated seriously, body horor, SNAKES. Rated M.

Ianthe saves God from the stoma and the River and all she has to show for it are these fucking snubes.

come, dearest heart. Lyctor Palamedes AU, HtN era. Camilla/Palamedes, Pyrrha/Palamedes, Pyrrha/Camilla/Palamedes. Rated E.

In Canaan House, Palamedes Sextus unwillingly ascends to Lyctorhood to put an end to Cytherea the First's rampage. He's left heartbroken, grieving, and terribly, terribly lonely.

Don't Care If You Think I'm Dumb (I Don't Care At All). Gideon/Ianthe, Gideon as Kiriona, Unwholesome Tower Princes Bonding ft. bad sex and retail therapy. Rated E.

The newly christened Kiriona Gaia is not having a good time on the Mithraeum. At least she has Ianthe there to make her worse.

Follow Your Dreams, Never Let Them Die. Gideon/Harrow, Pokemon trainers AU! Rated T.

On her Pokemon Journey, Gideon Nav approaches the mysterious Drearburh City Gym - but something feels oddly familiar.

Gaia's Natural Market. modern AU, retail hell, Harrow/Gideon, Harrow/Ianthe, Gideon/Ianthe. Rated T

RING-A-DING-DING, the Holiday's are here! And nothing says "Give!" like the bounty of the Mother Herself, so come on by to GAIA's Natural Market! Treat your family to a home-cooked meal with only the PUREST of ingredients - all Produce Organic, all Products non-GMO, and all Smiles Authentic and free of Toxins!

Good Girl. Coronabeth/Ianthe, puppyplay, muzzles, rated E.

Coronabeth is Ianthe's big dicked bimbo puppy. Ianthe's into it.

Goodnight, New Rho. Camilla & Nona. Domestic Fluff, Missing Scene. Rated G.

Nona gets a bedtime story. Camilla reminisces about growing up with an older sister. They both sleep well, despite a notable lack of dogs.

In the Empire of the Deeps. Gideon/Nona/Ianthe, Gideon/Ianthe, Pirate AU, monsterfucking-adjacent, Nona is an eldritch sea creature. Rated E.

A chance encounter on the beach. Ianthe is manipulative, Kiriona is sad, and Nona is not as innocent as she seems. Sometimes, you might yearn for one person and meet another one. Sometimes, you have to take what you can get.

just like normal. Ianthe/Coronabeth, Cytherea is also there. Penis in vagina sex, Exhibitionism, Squirting. Rated E.

Ianthe gives herself a cock, and Corona is increasingly bewildered that she hasn’t been allowed to sit on it yet.

language of its own. Camilla/Palamedes. Worldbuilding, idiots to lovers, pre-canon. Rated T.

Camilla Hect has to do an erotic poetry final.

Masochism Tango. Porn with feelings, knifeplay, vivisection, lyctor-typical everything. Rated E.

Two occasions in which Pyrrha Dve had the pleasure of being under Cytherea's knife, and Mercymorn had the pleasure of Pyrrha Dve.

METHODS OF SUBDUCTION. Judith/Cornabeth, Judith & Varun. Planetary science rizz. Rated M.

Varun the Eater teaches Judith Deuteros how to flirt.

midnight mass. Mercymorn/Cristabel, pre-canon, Character Study. Rated T.

A lifetime before the resurrection and two decades before the apocalypse, a novice nun and a third-year medical student discuss goodness, passion, and salvation at midnight on Christmas morning.

motherhood. Mercymorn uses flesh magic on Wake. Hate sex ensues. Body horror, motherhood as violence, canon compliant. Rated E.

“I will kill you,” you say, with all the placid fervor of a religious convert. When you’re on the edge of real violence, you lose that tense little furrow in your brow—it’s beautiful, really. “Please give me a reason.”

My Love Overflows. Corona/Ianthe, Strap-on, Dirty talk, Impact Play, Hair Pulling, Bladder control. Rated E.

The one in which Corona pisses all over herself at Ianthe's whims.

name and rank. Judith/Coronabeth, Judith & Varun. Judith's failwoman swag! Rated T.

As Judith lies dying, she has nothing but time. Varun the Eater uses it to teach her how to flirt with the Princess. Don’t worry. Varun has got this!

New Rule. Mercymorn/Pyrrha, Ranch AU, stablehand Pyrrha, boss/employee relationship. Rated E.

Never hire stablehands who are too handsome and capable for their own good.

no shade in the shadow of the cross. Cytherea/Mercymorn, angst, fisting, two pillow princesses NOT making it work! Rated E.

Cytherea and Mercymorn have an ill-timed tryst.

per my last email. Camilla/Palamedes. Academia, banter. On peer review and multitasking. Rated M.

“Warden,” she said patiently, “you want me so badly it’s making you stupid."

RISKING OUR LIVES FOR UNIVERSITY HOLE???? 🤯😳 University AU, Team 69. The hole is a basement to be clear! Rated T.

The difficult part of visiting the local haunted house for a feature in the university magazine is not actually the visiting; it’s the writing about it afterwards.

So Messed Up. Ianthe/Coronabeth. Puppy play, collars & leashes, tail plug. Rated E.

Ianthe using her flesh magic to give Corona a big cock for petplay because she loves the idea of her sister being a big dicked bimbo puppy girl who just wants to rut into her.

The Great Gamete Gambit. Camilla & Palamedes, Pre-canon, worldbuilding, sixth house reproductive practices. Rated G.

Palamedes and Camilla have an important package to send, but there's been a heist in the gamete repository! Can the 15-year-old Master Warden and his cavalier crack the case?

The Sextus Scandal. Camilla/Palamedes, Epistolary, Pre-Canon Divergence. Rated E.

Transcripts and documents relating to the disciplinary hearing and subsequent resignation of Master Warden Palamedes Sextus.

Ways to Be Perfect. Babs/Colum Asht, GtN era, Rated M.

When Naberius first glanced across the supper table at Colum Asht, he didn’t immediately get the impression that he was liked.

The end!

Thank you for making it this far. If you enjoyed any of these works, or anything else in the collection, please drop a comment to make our creators feel appreciated <3

[post creators reveal exchange wrap post]

[scoops404]

I'm in a bad mood, so to make myself happy here are some fics I've been enjoying in the last few months, in no particular order. Some of these are incomplete. Please read tags on each individual story before reading <3

The Remedy to Everything - by @simply-smitten - this is such a good fic. When I was betaing months and months ago before this even came out, I told Smitten that this is going to be a new classic. She told me the ending last night and I am GATEKEEPING

Warm, Like Starlight - also by Smitten. She's like, talented or whatever. (this is a joke, I love Smitten)

Every Mountain Tells a Story by @czargasm - you know those AUs where you get sucked in and you know you're reading something by an expert? Yeah, that's this fic. And also it's just plain good. Still updating, but get in on this one early

Our Own Terrible Way by Chelsey Czargasm - this is epic. ANF to DNF pipeline is so believable and Chelsey really pulls it off. Good smut, good jealous, good banter. What more do you want?

what if we just by @alittledizzy - GUYS! When I read this it hit me so hard, like a truck, this fic was so necessary and so needed and it was like a balm to my soul (as many dizzy fics are and have been for many many years, yeah I have loved her a long time)

soft sunlight & soothed dogs by wooowriter - have I ever cared much for hybrid fics before? no, not really. Do I care now? Yeah, and it's this fic's fault. Realistic world building, realistic feelings. It's good shit.

fucked up and down bad by Dizzy and Alison, my home dogs. I got to beta read this one and I screamed the entire way through. It's so good. I really enjoyed it!

In Safety There is Bravery by @gottagetshiver - i just-- yeah. I liked this one, what can I say? Shiver is awesome and this fic is too.

going through the motions by @hardtofindneuro - neuro has to be next to Shiver, that's just the way the world works. This fic is good so good but extra warning to take the tags seriously. Neuro always hits that angst HARD, but it's definitely worth it <3

Okay I have to go back to work so I'll add more later :D

[bluewhitehues]

Hug | Kim Mingyu

Summary: You secretly like your bestfriend chan,he has no idea and sets you up on a blind date with his friend and hyung Mingyu.

Genre: Angst? (Little bit), comfort, strangers to lovers, fluff

Pairing : Idol Kim Mingyu × (f) reader

Part 4

It was Sunday. The boys have their practice today that means mingyu and chan are going to meet. As soon as Mingyu goes to the practice room he spots chan but chan tries to avoid him lingering by seokmins side.

"YOU you fuvker come here right now-"

Mingyu tries to grab him while Chan's shoving a confused seokmin in between them he's asking what's this about ,what happened.

"This bastard told me he'd set me up on a date with y/n, turns out he told her it's a blind date instead of telling her it's a date with me"

"Ah hyuuung.. come on I tried my best for you two I had no other way i thought this would be the best option" chan whined

"Yah dino-ya that isn't nice, think about how he must've felt he was so excited to go" Seokmin scolds chan.

"Exactly my point ...what best option chan, did you even think about me? I thought she agreed on a date because she likes me as well ..did you think my feelings were a joke? Or am I that desperate that you'd have to lie to her for a date ? If I had known I'd find some other way to do it myself do you think I couldn't ask her myself? " Mingyu asks.. there's hurt clear in his eyes.

Chan feels terrible now his voice gets small when he speaks ,"hyung I'm so sorry...I should have thought about you more I didn't think that far, trust me I just wanted you two to get along and may be like each other cause you both are so precious to me and you both are one of the most amazing people I know ...I swear I just thought about your happiness."

Mingyu sighs," you shouldn't have done that but it's ok I forgive you."

He can't stay mad at his little brother for long anyway.

Chan hugs him suddenly, he really does feel very bad, "I'm sorry again hyungg you know I love you right?"

Mingyu pats his back while rolling his eyes, but he's smiling, "yeah yeah I love you too but never pull such stunts again."

Meanwhile there's jeonghan, hoshi and basically all the boys staring at them, they heard everything obviously.

"so you went on a date? That too with y/n ? And you didn't tell us?" Seungkwan speaks for everyone while they are nodding along with him waiting for mingyu to answer.

"It was a first date I didn't know what will happen ofcourse I was going to tell you all if it all worked out-" chan cuts him off, talking with his eyes widened, "wait a minute..it didn't go well?"

"I didn't say that."

"Then? " Chan asks again.

"I mean uh she was pretty shocked ..she didn't think it'd be me , so I didn't want to make her anymore uncomfortable, so we just talked normally, we went out for a walk then I dropped her off ."

"THAT'S IT??" Chan asked his eyes comically wide.

"uh yeah like I didn't want to burden her so I said we can be friends."

At this, they all collectively facepalm themselves.

"Seriously mingyu??? FRIENDS???" hoshi says looking at mingyu like he's ridiculous.

Jeonghan also steps in, "yeah like it was a date right? no romantic lovey dovey thing happened? Instead of asking her for another date you asked her to be friends?"

"You didn't even try to flirt with her or something? " Says Seungcheol.

"I did all this for nothing then" chan says in disbelief.

Mingyu closes his eyes, rubbing his hand on his forehead frustratingly at their questions. "Can you all just drop it please? I'll manage by myself thank you."

"yeah just lets get back to practice." Wonwoo says rubbing mingyu's back comfortingly.

Then they go on with their day.

And you, You're enjoying your weekend resting at home. When you get Chan's text.

Dinosaur 🦖: So you frienzoned mingyu hyung??

You: WHAT??? He said that??

You're confused Mingyu wouldn't do that, would he?

Dinosaur 🦖: No he said you were shocked,he didn't want to make you uncomfortable so he suggested you can be just friends.

Dinosaur 🦖: But hello I'm disappointed?? I even planned your wedding in my head and what did you do? You frienzoned each other 🤐🤐👏🏻👏🏻just great

You: woah woah no one told you to get that excited buddy and definitely not on a date which you planned by lying

Dinosaur 🦖: Pleaseee I said I'm sorry and don't make me feel more guilty I was already about to cry if mingyu hyung didn't forgive me...I don't think I can ever trouble him again even jokingly

You: was it that bad? Is he ok?

You can't help but feel bad thinking about him.

Dinosaur 🦖: well it's all my fault.. but girl atleast now you take some effort 🙄 I've found you such a great match and you're gonna keep him as your friend??

Dinosaur 🦖: God y/n even god wouldn't forgive such a thing.. I hate to say it but girls would die to be at your place right now.. GAME UPPPP I will even give you tips on how to flirt if you want

You roll your eyes at that.

You: Oh please I'm great at flirting you're the last person I'd take help from, you've done enough just go and focus on your practice for now..byeee

Dinosaur 🦖: BYE🙄🤐

Your thoughts take you to Mingyu again, "he must be hurt", "should I talk to him?", "what if he thinks I'm pitying him."

Your train of thoughts get interrupted by another ping of your phone , you pick it up to see mingyu's name on it.

On the other hand, Mingyu promises himself that he won't be sad anymore cause what is there to be sad about right? He's always the one who thinks about the brighter side of the situation, everyone says he's just too positive and hopeful even in the worst situations but Mingyu takes pride in that .. cause not many people have it, it takes a lot to be that positive,that courageous, that happy. So he's just gonna be himself.

Cause before yesterday, First- he didn't have your number, Second-you weren't on talking basis/you had zero connection, Three- He didn't have you even as a friend.. so for him it's win is a win kind of situation.

You read his text.

Mingyu : Heyy ..so chan asked me something about your purse??

You: oh shitt I forgot to tell you ..I lied about that to get your number from him 🫢

Mingyu: well don't worry I covered for you, you owe me something now👀 ..also should've asked me for my number directly, I'm more than willing to give it to you.

ONE THING ABOUT MINGYU IS HE WILL FLIRT, and your heart will suffer . Well in his defence he said you will be friends...there was no part where he mentioned he won't flirt or he won't try to woo you. So it seems you just gotta prepare yourself.

You huff at his reply, you started talking to him just from yesterday but you already got to know that this boy was a flirt ..a smooth one at that.

And were you feeling giddy, were you blushing? Well may be

You: Oh I'd have definately..asked it by myself. But you see it was an eventful day so kind of forgot to ask ...also yes I do owe you a big one, for yesterday as well ..tell me what I can do ? How about a meal?

Mingyu: Wouldn't that be a date?

You: it'd be whatever we will treat it as ..we said we'd be friends so it'll be us trying to build our friendship may be? Come on friends go to eat together all the time

Mingyu: Fair enough then, when will we go ?

You: Um I've work from tomorrow i'd be only free at dinner time 😕 is next week ok? If yes let me know when you're available

Mingyu: oh that's sad:( .. okay will go next week I'll let you know the time.

You: okayy cool ..see you then :)

Mingyu: Yes take care :))

You don't know but he's smiling at his phone right now, just as you are :)

In evening you meet chan he had promised you a meal so he's here at your apartment with lots of take out food and cake and muffins.

His practice was almost a day long so you had told him to just go home and take rest you'll plan to meet some another time . But he improvised the plan and came here.

You take all the food from him happily smiling looking at it..."Woahh you brought so much food"

He gives a toothy grin to you, "well I know you, I knew it'd keep you occupied "

You instantly stopped smiling and blinked at him ,"oh damn you almost had me distracted" you blink at him again.

He knows something is going to happen now, he is on alert..Then you're placing all the food down on the table, going to the couch grabbing a pillow andddddd he is running then, you run behind him.

"You asshole I promised myself i'd beat you up stop right there you bratttt"

He's screaming when you reach him and hit him with the pillow, "Ahhhhh this feels like some deja vu" he's running again and then going behind couch, giving those puppy eyes ..."I'm hungry" blink blink "I'm so tired and I was dancing the whole day, I'm so exhausted already and you're not even letting me eat I said sorry now stopp"

Your mouth hangs open at his antics..you huff..."Should learn emotional blackmailing from you ,go and wash your hands I'll get the plates"

He gives you a big big bright smile and runs to give you a quick hug before going to wash his hands.

You smile at him shaking your head.

You guys eat your food while talking.

He keeps asking about the date, so you tell him that it kinda got ruined because you were nervous so to make it up to Mingyu you decide to take him out for a meal .. he's teasing you about how it's a date when you keep denying it isn't.

"I don't know about you but on our planet here we humans call it a date" he says smugly.

You roll your eyes at him "whatever chan it's a friendly date then."

He shakes his head at you, saying you're impossible.

"Btw do you remember yunjin?"

"yeah the girl you're currently seeing ?"

"Yeah her...I think it's going to work out for me this time." He's smiling softly at his plate like he's thinking about her..."She's nice".

"woah woah look at you all blushing Lee chan"

He laughs," I just- I really hope it works out this time .. I've always wanted a serious relationship and this time it seems like it'd work ...I'm serious and I feel she is too." He says while smiling looking at you.

And honestly you want that for him as well.Cause he looks so happy just talking about her so sincerely. Whatever you thought about him you were never that childish to be jealous and think I wish I was the girl. No , you can't force someone's feelings. If he feels that for someone you'd always root for him. You always pray for your close people's happiness and he's one of them so why wouldn't you want that.

You coo at him.."Aww, I'm really rooting for you Chan you deserve it you deserve every happiness in this world."

He smiles at you, "thank you y/n, I'm also rooting for you" and then he dramatically winks at you. You know exactly what he's saying so you groan and threaten him to stab him with the fork if he doesn't shut up. He laughs at you.

Part 5

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A/n:Hey lovely readers, this is it for today hope you enjoy it💗

Also the female reader isn't someone too deeply hurt or too deeply in love (about chan) she is not the jealous type, she has made her peace with everything so you won't see her feeling all these emotions deeply.

[awkward-imaginations]

| Reunions and Rivalries |

tetsuro kuroo x f!reader

The first time Kuroo saw you was when he noticed you sitting with Kenma, happily playing video games together. He would have been lying if he said he wasn’t surprised when Kenma mentioned he had made a friend on the first day of the new school year. He didn’t share much about you, but Kuroo knew you had just transferred to Nekoma High and somehow you had piqued his interest.

warnings/notes: highschool romance, fluff, slight angst, I do NOT write fanfictions or storys normally, this is a first, so I am generally sorry for everything. CRINGE. def will be cringe in some parts. I'm a big sucker for Kuroo, him and Kenma may be ooc but I don't care this is my silly story and I just need to get it out of my head so I can finally write my Master's Thesis in peace. Also, english is not my first language. This has been "proofread" by my friends (who are also non-native speakers, enjoy).

word count: 2659

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The familiar sound of Karasuno players shouting to each other filled the air as the Tokyo team approached. You walked next to Yaku, chatting casually, when suddenly two familiar figures came sprinting toward you.

“Y/N!” Nishinoya shouted at the top of his lungs, while Sugawara waved enthusiastically from behind him. Before you could even react, Noya wrapped you in a tight hug, nearly knocking poor Yaku off his feet in the process.

“Noya! Suga-Chaaaan~!” you grinned, pulling Sugawara into the hug as well. Noya, now gripping your arm dramatically, suddenly shifted his expression to one of exaggerated misery.

“Y/N!” he whined, pushing you away just enough to meet your eyes, still holding onto your arm. “You have no idea how terrible school is without you. It’s been torture!”

You laughed, playfully pushing at Noya’s shoulder. "Oh, come on, Noya. It can't be that bad."

"It is that bad!" he insisted, throwing his head back in exaggerated despair. "Ever since you transferred, it's like the life has been sucked out of our classroom. I can't even focus on anything anymore!"

Sugawara chuckled, shaking his head at Noya's antics. "I think you just miss having someone to cheat off of during tests."

Noya pouted, clutching his heart as if he’d been gravely wounded. "How could you say that?! I would never cheat! I just… I mean, maybe I miss having Y/N to help me out once in a while, but that's totally different!"

You smirked, crossing your arms. "Uh-huh, totally."

Nishinoya groaned, burying his face in his hands. "You don’t understand! It’s like no one else gets me. The energy in class is so dull now, Y/N! I'm completely doomed."

You rolled your eyes affectionately, patting Noya on the head. "You’re being a bit dramatic, don’t you think?"

"Not dramatic enough!" Noya cried, throwing his arms wide for emphasis. "It's been painful without you. Seriously, how do you survive at that new school? Do they at least let you sleep through class?"

You chuckled. "It’s not so bad, actually. I’ve made some new friends, and I still get plenty of sleep."

Noya looked betrayed, his eyes wide. "New friends? What, and you didn’t miss us at all?"

"Of course I missed you guys!" You reassured, smiling. "But you know, life moves on. Besides, we still get to play Guild Wars together."

„Yeah, nice raid yesterday,” Nishinoya exclaimed, fist bumping you.

Kuroo, watching the scene from a few steps away, furrowed his brow slightly. “So, she's close with the volleyball team at her old school too?” he asked casually, glancing over at Kenma.

“Hm?” Kenma blinked, only half-listening. “Obviously,” he said with a shrug. “Why? You jealous or something?”

Kuroo scoffed, his expression tightening for a moment. “What? No,” he replied, though his gaze drifted back to you, now laughing a bit too hard—at least from his perspective—at something Sugawara said. His jaw clenched involuntarily.

“You sure?” Kenma muttered, still not looking up. “Because it kind of seems like you are.”

“I’m not,” Kuroo grumbled, crossing his arms defensively. “Why would I be—”

His words trailed off as Daichi approached you, a calm but warm smile on his face. He greeted you with a firm hug, his arms wrapping around you in a way that spoke of years of friendship. “It’s been too long, Y/N,” Daichi said, his voice soft. “It’s a nice surprise you’re here.”

You smiled, your face lighting up. “It feels like ages.”

Kuroo watched the exchange, feeling his heart sink just a bit. Daichi’s hug wasn’t overly affectionate, but there was a sense of familiarity between you two that stirred envy in him. He tried to brush it off, forcing a smile, though it felt stiff on his face.

“The third years used to be in the same class as her brother since Kindergarten,” Kenma said quietly, as if reading Kuroo’s thoughts. “They’ve known each other for a long time.”

Kuroo exhaled, rolling his eyes, though the slight tension in his shoulders didn’t ease. “Great. Old friends,” he muttered, his smile feeling more and more strained.

Kenma smirked. “You’re terrible at hiding your feelings.”

"Wait… she has a brother?" Kuroo asked, his tone sharper than he intended.

Kenma gave him a surprised look. "You didn’t know? Yeah, L/N Ryouta—he goes to Nekoma too."

Kuroo’s mind raced. "L/N Ryouta? I don’t think I’ve met him."

Kenma shook his head. "Probably not. You’re in the university prep class, and he’s in regular courses. Still, kind of strange she didn’t mention him during one of your study dates."

Kuroo’s lips tugged into a slight frown. "We’re studying, not chatting." The fact that you had a brother he didn’t know about made him feel a little out of the loop. He didn’t like it.

Kenma shrugged. "It makes sense she'd be close with them. They’ve been hanging out since she was little."

Kuroo watched you laugh with Daichi and Sugawara, Noya had left you to help Tanaka “protect” Shimizu. You clearly had a lot of history with these guys. The way they greeted you, how easily you fit into their circle—it was obvious you were used to attention from boys. It bothered him more than he cared to admit.

Just as he was about to look away, you caught his eye and waved, your smile brightening. For a split second, you seemed to hesitate, a faint blush coloring your cheeks as if you hadn’t expected him to be watching. Kuroo smirked, feeling a little more at ease now.

Daichi, noticing your reaction, raised an eyebrow. "Who's that?" he asked, his tone casual but curious.

You turned back to Daichi, still smiling. "Oh, that’s Kuroo, Nekoma’s captain. You should probably go introduce yourself."

Daichi nodded, though his expression became a little more guarded. "Right. I’ll go say hi."

As Daichi walked over, Kuroo straightened up, masking his emotions behind his usual confident grin. Daichi extended his hand, his smile polite but strained. "Daichi Sawamura, captain of Karasuno."

Kuroo grasped Daichi’s hand, matching his too-firm grip with one of his own. "Tetsurou Kuroo. Captain of Nekoma."

Both captains forced smiles, but in the back of their minds, they had the same thought: I don’t like this guy.

“So… you’re not their manager?” Sugawara asked, giving you a playful nudge as he leaned against the wall next to you in the gym, a soft smile playing on his lips.

“Nope,” you chuckled. "I’m just here for moral support.”

Sugawara laughed. “Then I can support you supporting. We've got a cracking new setter, so I'll probably be on the bench the whole time.”

There was an ease between you and Sugawara that came with familiarity. You caught up on everything—school, mutual friends, and volleyball, of course. Time slipped away as the two of you talked, oblivious to anything else happening on the court.

Except someone was paying attention.

From across the gym, Kuroo’s gaze flickered toward you more than once. He tried to brush it off, but the more you laughed with Sugawara, the harder it was to ignore the twist in his chest.

“Oi, Kuro,” Kenma muttered, not even looking at him as he noticed the subtle tension radiating off his captain. “What’s up with you?”

Kuroo blinked, dragging his gaze back to the court just in time to see one of Karasuno's players miss a spike. “What do you mean? Nothing's up.”

Kenma sighed. “You’ve been staring over there for the last ten minutes. You’re distracted.”

“Distracted?” Kuroo scoffed, though his eyes flicked once again in your direction—watching as Sugawara leaned in to say something that made you laugh. Why does he get to make you laugh like that? Kuroo felt his jaw tighten. “I’m not distracted. Just… keeping an eye on the competition. You know, strategy.”

Kenma raised an eyebrow. “Sugawara isn’t even playing.”

Kuroo rolled his eyes, “You mean Suga-Chaaan~,” he mocked your greeting only to feign indifference afterwards. “I’m not watching him. Why would I care about some third year who isn’t even in starting lineup?”

Kenma looked at him blankly for a moment before shrugging. “I don’t know. Why would you care?”

“I don’t,” Kuroo huffed. “As I already said, it’s not like I’m jealous or anything.”

Kenma eyes flicked toward Sugawara, then back to Kuroo. “I didn’t say you were.”

“I’m not,” Kuroo added, a little too quickly. “I mean—”

“Kuro,” Kenma interrupted, his deadpan expression growing sharper.

“I—" Kuroo hesitated, suddenly aware of how ridiculous he sounded. “I’m just looking out for her.”

Kenma’s lips twitched into the slightest hint of a smirk. “Sure.”

Across the court, Sugawara was finishing a story, his eyes twinkling as he spoke. You laughed, leaning in a little closer. Kuroo’s eye twitched.

“It’s not like they’re flirting,” Kuroo mumbled under his breath, though his voice lacked conviction.

“What was that?” Kenma asked, not bothering to look away from the ball on their side.

“Nothing!” Kuroo snapped, a little too loud, drawing some curious glances from nearby players.

You and Sugawara, still chatting, were blissfully unaware of Kuroo’s growing frustration. Every time Sugawara made you laugh, it felt like a small jab, not because he disliked Sugawara, but because… well, he wasn’t entirely sure why. Or at least, he wasn’t willing to admit it yet.

The match was in full swing, as Shimizu joined you and Sugawara at the side, observing as the teams went back and forth on the court. You’d fallen into an easy rhythm with Sugawara, catching up and making jokes, but now that Shimizu had joined you, the conversation was a bit more reserved.

After a moment of comfortable silence, Shimizu turned toward you. “You’re not their manager, yet you’re wearing their jersey,” she remarked softly, her eyes following the ball.

“Yeah, it actually belongs to Kenma, we're about the same size, thought it would boost the team spirit” you replied, smiling fondly.

Shimizu nodded thoughtfully, glancing between you and Kenma on the court. “He seems to enjoy your company.”

You blinked, catching the subtle implication in her tone. “Wait, do you mean…?” You hesitated, feeling a slight blush creep up your neck. “You think I like Kenma?”

Sugawara, who had been listening in with a bemused expression, chuckled under his breath. “Oh no, Shimizu,” he said, shaking his head, “you’re way off.”

Shimizu tilted her head slightly, giving Sugawara a questioning look. “Really? I thought—”

Sugawara waved her off with a smile, clearly amused. “Trust me, I’ve known Y/N for a long time. She doesn’t go for the quiet, brooding type.”

You narrowed your eyes at Sugawara, half-embarrassed. “Hey, I can like quiet guys,” you defended, though it came out more as a weak protest than anything else.

Sugawara gave you a teasing smirk. “Maybe, but not that quiet.” He leaned in a little closer, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “Kenma’s great and all, but your type’s always been more… I don’t know, bad boy. The kind of guy who’s a little rough around the edges, gets under your skin.”

Shimizu blinked, her curiosity piqued. “Bad boy…?” she repeated thoughtfully, then her gaze drifted toward the court where Coach Ukai stood, arms crossed, observing the match with his intense focus. She nodded in his direction. “Ah. You mean someone like Ukai?”

You nearly choked, waving your hands in protest. “What? No way! He’s… hot, sure, but he’s way too old!”

Sugawara burst out laughing, and even Shimizu’s usually calm expression cracked into a smile.

“Nah, I wasn’t talking about Ukai,” Sugawara chuckled, nudging you playfully. “I had someone more… age-appropriate in mind.” He pointed subtly across the court to where Kuroo was setting up for a block, his sharp gaze focused on the game, his usual smug grin tugging at the corners of his lips. “I was thinking more along the lines of that bad boy.”

You froze, suddenly feeling like all the air had been knocked out of your lungs. “Kuroo?” You hadn’t even realized it, but the moment Sugawara mentioned it, something clicked inside you—like a light had been switched on.

Sugawara’s grin widened as he saw the realization dawning on your face. “There it is,” he said, his voice smug but not unkind. “Ryouta told me you just can’t shut up about him.”

You could feel the blush deepening, the heat spreading up to your cheeks. “I… I don’t…” you stammered, not quite sure how to deny it now that it was out in the open.

Shimizu watched you carefully, her quiet gaze perceptive. “So, it is Kuroo?” she asked softly, her voice neutral as ever, though there was a trace of curiosity.

You glanced at her, feeling a little trapped but knowing you couldn’t lie, especially not with Sugawara there, reading you like an open book. You sighed, defeated, and ran a hand through your hair. “Okay, fine,” you muttered, embarrassed but kind of relieved to admit it. “Yeah… I think I like Kuroo.”

Sugawara looked like he’d just won a game. “I knew it,” he said triumphantly. “I could tell from the beginning.”

Shimizu gave a small nod, her expression thoughtful. “He does seem like someone you’d get along with,” she said quietly.

“Well…” you began slowly, a shy smile creeping onto your face, “he is pretty great. He’s been really nice to me, even when he’s annoying.”

Shimizu gave you a small, knowing smile.

Sugawara’s grin softened a bit, turning more genuine. “Sounds like you’re smitten.”

You shot him a playful glare. “Don’t make it sound so cheesy.”

He chuckled. “Hey, no judgment here. I’m just glad you finally realized it.”

You groaned, half embarrassed but secretly hopeful. “Great, now I’m going to be overanalyzing everything he says to me.”

Sugawara laughed, clapping you on the shoulder. “That’s part of the fun. Just keep me updated.”

Later that night, the team piled into the bus, the soft hum of the engine filling the silence as the Nekoma players settled into their seats. You slid into a spot next to Kenma, Kuroo sitting in the row just ahead, his head tilted back against the seat.

As the bus started to roll down the road, you pulled out some flyers Sugawara had given you earlier and turned to Kenma and Kuroo. "Hey, by the way, Sugawara invited me to a festival nearby. His and my brother’s band, Secondhand Youth, is opening." You held out the flyer so they could see. "You guys listen to pop-punk, right?"

Kenma glanced up from his DS, raising an eyebrow, but before he could say anything, Kuroo replied a little too quickly, "Sure!" His voice was overly enthusiastic, and his eyes darted to you for a reaction.

Kenma blinked, clearly unimpressed. He gave Kuroo a sideways look, stifling a smirk as he mimicked, "Sure." His tone was flat, dripping with sarcasm.

You snorted, trying to hide a laugh, but Kuroo shot Kenma a mock glare. “What? It’s not like I don’t listen to it.”

Kenma couldn’t resist. “Name one band.” He leaned his chin on his hand, watching Kuroo with a blank stare, knowing full well his friend didn’t have a clue.

Kuroo paused, clearly stumped, his mouth opening and closing as if searching for a band name. “Well, Secondhand Youth, obviously.” You couldn’t help but giggle, and Kuroo turned to you, his expression a mix of mild panic and frustration.

"Okay, fine, maybe I’m not a huge fan," Kuroo admitted, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, "but I’d still go. For the experience, you know?"

Kenma rolled his eyes but kept a small smile on his lips. “Yeah, the experience of pretending to like music you’ve never heard of.”

You nudged Kuroo’s seat playfully from behind, your smile softening. "You don’t have to, Kuroo. But… you’re welcome to come, if you want."

Kuroo’s eyes met yours, his expression softening as well. “Nah, I wanna go,” he said, his voice sincere this time. “Could be fun.”

Kenma returned to his game, though he couldn’t hide the amusement in his eyes as he watched you and Kuroo interact.

[doctorprofessorsong]

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I am a sucker for Stanford Era Dean and a creature Cas fic, so this one feels tailormade to my interests.

Dean finds himself hunting alone after his Dad sends him away with the Impala. It was bad enough when Sammy walked out the door, but now his own Dad has sent him away. But Dean’s a hunter, so that's what he's gonna do. A chance encounter with Cas, another hunter, evolves into a partnership and, perhaps, if Dean can just let go, something more. But Cas has a secret that threatens to tear them apart.

This one has great mythology, top tier monsters and so much delicious pining. Dothraki_shieldmaiden manages to incorporate so much delicious canon into this adjacent fic that you will be gnawing at the walls. Seriously buckle up. It's a great ride.

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Dean Winchester and the Stolen Tupperware by MalMuses @malmuses (Explicit, 35k)

It's been a hot minute since this one came out and you may have already heard about it as a result, but this fic is just a fluffy, pure delight.

Cas is a single, nerdy professor whose idea of a wild Saturday night is watching dashing Dean Winchester, a real life Indiana Jones type adventurer archeologist, on YouTube. Dean is looking for some stability and just hoping to find a place to establish a career that doesn't involve constantly traveling. Sparks and awkward cuteness fly when they meet.

This one is perfect for a low angst love story. Also, Dean and Cas will make you deeply fond (and Meg in this fic can step on me).

Night at the Impala Theater by Speary @spearywritesstuff (Explicit, 52k)

It's difficult to explain what is so great about this fic without revealing more than I want to about the plot because there are some delightful and twisty bits. Suffice to say, it's a fun ride not just because of Dean and Cas, but the really fun side characters (Especially Rowena, my beloved, who is amazing and witchy).

The story revolves around Dean, a lonely guy running the family business - a historic movie theater he inherited from his Dad. But his life is changed when he finds a mysterious film series on his doorstep. The film noir flick follows a smoldering PI named Castiel. For some reason Dean can't get enough of the movies. And yet, all attempts to track down any information about the series is frustratingly bare. Where will his obsession lead? Not telling. Go read it. :)

torture is your name on my lips by theseancequeen @theseancequeen (Explicit, 4.6k)

This fun little one-shot smutty yet emotional fic explores a world where Demon Dean summons Cas after years of separation and they hook up while both lying about the depth of their feelings. It's a magnificent blend of angst, softness and need that ends on a deeply satisfying and surprisingly hopeful note.

Scorched Earth by AmberXBoone @amberxboone (Explicit, 155k)

Distraught over confirmation that his father intentionally started the fire that killed Mary Winchester (and nearly Dean and Sam), and then used his position as a police officer in a corrupt system to cover it up, Dean decides to give John a taste of justice by burning him in his home. He's a murderer and he fully expects to pay. But a chance meeting with burnt out DA Castiel Novak changes both of their loves forever and suddenly they have something to fight for. Can they take down the corrupt system or will Dean be locked away?

The plot of this fic alone is a ride. But what really brings this one home is the impeccable use of canon characters. I love these versions of them all so much. And it's truly a delight to see everyone join together to fight the corruption and save Dean (whether he deserves it or not cause he definitely doesn't think he deserves to be saved). The fic is also broken up into short chapters which makes it super readable if you are the type who picks things up for one scene and then puts it back down (could never be me I binged it like i was on fire myself but I admire it).

The premise is dark, but it's the light moments that make this fic really shine.

Check out my other fic recs at @riversrecs

[0kayblue]

Blood Trail

Blood Trail

Your most recent mission was to rescue the President's daughter, it was supposed to be a simple rescue mission in and out. Things go from bad to worse quickly once you seek shelter in a barn.

 [PART II] 

Main Character Relations: Leon Kennedy x Reader 

Word Count: 5k (a little over) 

Angst, mentions of violence, knives, hand to hand combat, guns, needles, pills, blood, and previous NSFW affairs

A/N: HELLO ALL!! If you can’t tell by the terrible summary this is set in the re4 setting. I’m biased. I’ll probably be going on a break after this, but enjoy!!! I send my love and hope you are all doing alright. 

Search and rescue, that was the name of the game and you were damn good at it. Even if you were flipped around and upside down, you knew how to find things. It was a skill that most in your field wished they had and spent hours trying to learn. Committing to memory how to identify what tracks belong to either what animal or vehicle. Trying to teach themselves what to look for and when to look for it. 

You shined when it came to tracking people. You could quite possibly find yourself over the moon when you spotted boot prints. You could tell a lot about someone based on their footprints. How someone moves is a very telling thing; how far apart each footprint is, the density of each step conveying the urgency in their stride. They told stories and it was up to the observer to translate them in the best way they knew how. 

It took an understanding of people and a bit of a sixth sense. It’s where rookies and professionals alike messed up, but not you. You weren’t always one hundred percent correct, but you always ended up in the right direction. It gained you respect, rank, and a reputation. 

So, as you sat in the back of a police cruiser studying the way the two police officers interacted with one another you put together a mental file on each of them. They seemed quite laid back and easy going individuals that didn’t take much of anything seriously. Joking and laughing- you had no clue what about- like they weren’t on clock. It was a nice change and caused you to smile lightly; it was nice to bask in a partnership that wasn’t so grounded in solemeness. 

You glanced at Leon who rested against the window, staring rather dramatically out of it lost in thought. You rolled your eyes before nudging him gently, “Hey, pretty boy.” You mumbled audibly enough to not draw attention from the officers in front. 

Leon scoffed at the nickname that you gave him the moment you met him months ago. He had a love-hate relationship with it because he knew it was supposed to knock him down a peg; but it fell from your lips in such a flirtatious way that it sparked a warmth in his stomach. Adjusting subtlety, his eyes locked with yours, “What, Princess?” 

Of course he didn’t let ‘pretty boy’ slide and upon seeing how the staff treated you like royalty- and how you had a number of them eating out of your hand- he bestowed you the title of ‘Princess’. There really wasn’t a thing you could do about it and you were more than willing to accept your karma if it hadn’t bit you so hard in the ass in the bedroom. The way it made you squirm under him only stroked his ego. 

It was only predictably natural for two flirtatious agents to find themselves tangled up in the sack once or twice. Although in the particular case of you two it was becoming a more common thing. The palpable energy between the two of you could start a fire. It was fun and loose with no serious title, the way close relationships between agents were recommended to be. 

“You think we could switch roles with these two? I’ll be the funny one.” 

“You can’t be the funny one, I’m the funny one.” His tone dry with a little smirk to match. 

“Damn, really? You could have fooled me.” Little giggles creeping from your throat as you said it, causing him to chuckle. 

“Why am I always the one who draws the short end of the stick?” One of the officers cuts through the moment with laughter, speaking in English for one of the first times since picking both you and Leon up. 

Your eyes left the ocean of blue as your attention turned back to the officers in front of you, fully focused now that they were ready to talk. His eyes stayed on you though, a flower that he’s been neglecting sunlight continuing to bloom.

———————————————————

This was not how this was supposed to go, it was supposed to be simple. It was supposed to be an in and out type of job; find the target, save the target, and get the hell out of dodge. 

Breathing in as much air as your body allowed your hands found your knees and trailed down your legs, trying to keep them from shaking. You stood turning to Ashley as you did so, “Are you okay?” You asked concerned, approaching her cautiously as a hand found her shoulder. Your hand pressed against her shoulder with a light firmness as you rubbed her shoulder and then her shoulder blade. 

Ashley Graham, the President’s daughter, the target; a sweet young woman whose adult life was starting off more than just rough and bumpy despite the cushy life she has had. 

Her typically chipper and welcoming persona was gone and all that remained was a scared little girl who just wanted to go home. 

Ashley shook slightly as she tried to catch her breath, wanting to lie, but she couldn’t as she shook her head. You just nodded and continued to rub in between her shoulders and give her time. 

She’s been here longer than you have, she’s seen more than you have; and you only hoped that it hadn’t ruined her outlook on life forever. 

“Take a minute. We should be safe where we are, for now at least.” Leon said as he boarded up a makeshift door in the average sized barn you tried to take cover in. 

“You wanna take a seat, dear?” You asked her as you guided her to a sturdy enough looking chair that sat tucked under an even less sturdy looking table. You smoothly guided her to the seat as your hand left her shoulder, “Is there anything I can do to make this easier?” Your eyes locked with hers to convey your genuine concern for her well being. 

Ashley was a victim. She was someone who didn’t deserve this and it wasn’t fair, but unfortunately it was the cards she had been dealt. Regardless of the paycheck you cared for every victim that you tried to save and Ashley was no different. Trying to make her as comfortable as possible was your primary goal. 

As you reached for the aid kit that was firmly strapped to your thigh, you could hear a drained sigh escaping Leon’s lips over the crisp sound of velcro separating. He was your next concern, but you had to focus. Opening the neatly organized pack that had an assortment of different first aid items like ointment, pills, and bandages on one side and on the other side had syringes filled with morphine and sedatives. 

Ashley’s face turned up at the needles, but you just smiled, “Those aren’t for you, unless you are under some severe pain. You aren’t, are you?” You asked, your tone smooth and gentle. 

“No.” She shook her head, “I just have a headache.” 

You pulled out the little bottle labeled tylenol and got her two of the little red tablets, “Can you take pills without water? What about scratches and cuts, anything we need to bandage up?”

“I don’t like to, but I can.” She affirmed as you handed her the pills, you sent her a warm smile. 

“I don’t either.” You admitted, watching her struggle to take the pills. “That should help, if you need more don’t hesitate to ask, okay?” 

She nodded and you put a hand back on her shoulder, “Take a breather, collect yourself, we will step forward when you feel strong enough to continue.” Ashley sniffed, trying to hold back a flood gate of tears you crouched down to force her eyes to connect with yours, “I know this is hard, but I need you to know that you are going to be okay. Leon and I are going to get you out of here, okay? I promise.” Ashley shut her eyes tight as she took in a deep shaky breath. 

She felt guilty at the feet of your unconditional kindness. She felt as if she had doomed you for failure. How could you promise a happy ending without even knowing half of the story? Something was inside her, something beyond her control; a plague coursed through her body that could turn her into something that sent ice through her veins. Made her so unsure of who she ever was. 

“Ashley.” You called for her, causing her to open her eyes. “It’s okay to cry.” She turned away and slowly she started to feel it; she started to cry. “Can I hug you?” 

“No!” She choked out as she flinched away, “N-no…can I have a moment? Please?” She begged as your brows furrowed together in concern. 

It wasn’t unusual for victims to want to be left alone to cry; to hide. But this felt different. Ashley wasn’t one to hide away from people, she was one to ask for help. To seek comfort in those she trusted. Either she didn’t trust you or something bigger was at play. She trusted you; that much you knew or she wouldn’t have taken the pills from you. She may be a little on the naive side, but she most certainly wasn’t stupid. 

You nodded even though your stomach turned, “Okay, I’m going to go check on Leon. I’ll be right over there and-.” 

“I know! Okay, I know.” Ashley snapped at you, causing you to raise an eyebrow. This put you on guard, but you turned your back and went to Leon. Something was wrong and you were counting on your counterpart to fill you in on the details. 

Approaching Leon you studied his features and how he carried himself. It was off and it was odd, usually Leon was well kept regardless of the hell he was going through; but he seemed disheveled. His posture was slacked, but still stressed and he was pale. The bags under his eyes visible from a mile away and a dark shade of purple accompanied them. You leaned against the wall next to him and you could barely pick up on a trace of him regardless of the fact that you were standing right next to him. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” You asked with a playful smirk, being who you always were with him. You’re own way of telling him it was okay. 

“I lost you.” His voice came out like gravel, low and gruff. You barely heard the sentiment, but it was there. If you weren’t working you would’ve pondered on it, even blushed, but you were on the clock. You had learned your lesson the hard way about relationships on the clock. 

“I found you, though.” You tried to send the same amount of sentiment back regardless of the cool composure you maintained, “It’s what I do. I told you, I’d be okay and I was.” 

He wasn’t pleased with your answer. Leon knew you could hold your own, he knew that you would find him; but that still didn’t settle his stomach. This time had to be different.

“Look how far you got without me, though. You got Ashley and we met up, so I’d say we are back on the right track. Although,” you paused and lowered your voice, “Something is off.” Your gaze found Ashley. 

“That gut of yours.” He remarks with a smile. A sight to behold that causes you to relax slightly. “Whatever the hell is going on here goes deeper than we think.” He swallows harshly as he tries to fight a cough from escaping from his chest. A thick substance that he carelessly writes off as mucus lodges itself in his throat. 

“So it appears. I’m worried about Ashley. I don’t know the girl personally, but from what I’ve seen and read, the girl I’m helping isn’t the girl I studied.” 

“Saddler-.”

“Who?” You cut him off, the name rings a bell as some of the people you killed out of defense mumbled it as they fell to become one with the earth below them. 

“Creepy guy, he’s got portraits everywhere.” You nodded and he continued, “Ran into him when I got Ashley out of the church. He said he injected her with a gift. The same gift those brain dead puppets have out there.” He explained, conveniently leaving out the part that he was also given the same gift. That the same plague was bestowed upon him and that slowly he was turning into the things you killed with sympathy. 

He didn’t want you losing focus. 

“Interesting, that changes the game.” You started second guessing your choice in giving Ashley the Tylenol. “A cure?” 

“Not that I know of. I crossed paths with an ex-cop turned lab technician, or whatever, if anyone knows it’s probably him.” Leon said, trying to choke back another cough. 

“Did this mystery guy have a name?” You tread lightly with concern while Leon turned and coughed. 

“Luis Sera.” He managed to get out through the violent coughs that shook through his chest. Your hand found his back and you hit him lightly, encouraging him to cough up whatever was causing him trouble up. He could practically feel your questions with each gentle but firm hit. 

“You okay?” He shook his head as he turned away, covering his mouth with the fingerless gloves. The leather scent of them makes it harder to get a gasp of fresh air. 

Worry started to course through your bloodstream as you started to rub his back as soothingly as you could. “Leon-.” You were cut off as his coughing ceased just as quickly as it appeared. 

As he stood upright and pulled his hand away noting the faint color of red before wiping his hand on his pants. Playing it off by reaching for his gun, hoping to all things holy you didn’t see. 

You didn’t, your eyes stayed trained on his face. Looking for any sign that could slightly convince you it was just a fluke; maybe he was allergic to something in the barn that caused him to have a coughing fit. 

Whatever it was, it was enough to send you into a course of action, “We’ve gotta find Sera.” 

Leon just gave you a nod of approval while you turned to Ashley. He watched you tread lightly with a sense of urgency, that damn gut of yours. He closed his eyes tight as he began to feel dizzy. The walls of the barn started to close in while he just stood there trying to compose himself. Eyes still closed, his heart beat racing, his veins starting to show black under his skin. His head pounding, the room spinning, an unfriendly heat surging from his chest, to his feet, to his hands. His eyes opened, but he was  unable to see a thing; blinded by a deep red that faded to black. The only thing he could make out was a threat. 

“Ashley.” You called lightly trying to keep your concern below the surface, “I hate to break what you’re going through up, but we’ve got to move.” Ashley sniffed, before turning to you. Her eyes were red and puffy, but she looked better. Almost how you would expect her to look after crying if this had never happened to her, if an irreversible trauma hadn’t tainted her. 

“Okay, it’s okay. I’m ready.” She said with convection as she stood to meet you. Her blood ran cold when she saw a gun pointed at you with intent to kill. “Stop! Leon!” She shouted in desperation, signaling for you to duck. 

It was in the nick of time as you ducked, the sound of a bullet ringing through your ears; just barely missing the side of your head. You turned and stood upright quickly as you glared Leon down, “What the fuck was that-!” You damn near screamed at him before assessing the situation. You weren’t looking at the Leon you knew, you were looking at someone you had never seen before. “Ashley, hide.” You demanded, trying to keep your voice from wavering. 

Leon went to shoot again, but in a twist of luck  the gun harshly clicked. He was out of bullets and you needed to take advantage of the moment. Charging towards him you sent a harsh kick to his wrist while he reached for ammo with the other. The successful kick knocked the gun out of his hand, but he countered by grabbing your ankle. He yanked you by your leg closer to him, pulling you from the place you tried to plant yourself. 

You managed to break out of his tight grasp by swinging a punch towards his jaw. You stood on both feet while he turned with a pained hiss. When his gaze met yours a guttural growl escaped through gritted teeth. His chest puffed out, his jaw clenched, and his eyes clouded over. He was ready to fight. 

The sight struck the fear of God in you. It made you hesitate, it made you vulnerable; and he took advantage of it. He punched you damn near square in the face, holding nothing back. The force sent you stumbling backwards and seeing white. You kept yourself from falling by focusing on the white noise that rang through your ears. You couldn’t make that mistake again. 

You coughed trying to get some air as you saw him go for another hit. You blocked it and made a swipe for his legs. Trying to buy yourself time so you could figure out a way to de-escalate the situation. You were no match for Leon as far as hand to hand combat was concerned. You fought from a distance, you shot from a distance; foresight was your way of survival. 

As he fell to his knees you tried to put him into a chokehold, but the moment he found his footing you were off the ground. He flung you forcefully over his shoulders and onto solid ground. Your head pounded as you saw stars and swore that your skeleton was permanently imprinted into the ground. Your lungs struggled for air as he firmly pressed his forearm to your throat, straddling your hips. 

You squirm underneath him, kicking and thrashing, desperately searching for a way out. He grabbed his knife from its sheath on his chest. Tears beaded on your lower lashes as you used every ounce of strength in your body to push his solid forearm from your throat. 

His eye contact never faltered as he lifted his knife into the air; ready to take the final step and end this. 

“No! Don’t hurt her!” Ashley shouted causing him to falter. His grip on you loosening enough for you to move your head up enough to clamp your teeth into his flesh while you harshly thrusted upward to allow you some space to get away from him. You quickly tried to scurry away from him, but his attention quickly returned to you. He reaches for your leg and barely misses. You slip through his fingertips and the only thought on your mind is distance. You need to see this situation from a different perspective, it was your only chance. 

Quickly getting to your feet you finally reach for your gun. Despite the way your body shakes you hold the gun firmly, “Don’t make me do this, I don’t want to do this.” You plead, nearly falling to your knees, “Please.”

Leon just grunted as he stood upright, he was hesitant as he stared at you. You didn’t make a single movement thinking that he may have been blinded. Your voice reaches him, causing him to see glances of you between the vision of a monster. He was fighting a monster, he only saw a monster. It was trying to take Ashley, it was trying to take you. It was real, wasn’t it?

“Leon? Can you hear me? Can you see me?” You call out in a whimper you can’t hide. Lowering the gun you took a cautious step forward and then another seeing as he didn’t move. Ashley held her breath looking for anything to help her defend herself if this went south. 

“H-He’s got the virus…h-he can’t see a thing…” Her voice low as she slowly began to talk with a stutter full of fear, “I-I know, because I-I have it too…”

You couldn’t help but to wince, this whole thing was sideways in the worst way. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. You could feel your heartbeat in your head as you whispered, “I know, I know.” 

Leon stumbled backwards in confusion as time and his senses meld together as he threw a punch at nothing.

 He sees a large heavy set man, his head replaced with a red wet pulsating organ; long sharp appendages sprouting from his spine and wriggling with malintent. The man goes to attack, but Leon dodges slicing a appendage off with his knife in the process. 

Watching him fight nothing made your heart break. You didn’t know what to do, you didn’t know how to help. He was suffering and all you could do was watch. It made you sick and you had to change that. You had to help him. 

“You’ve had these outbursts? How long do they last?”

“They feel like hours…” She admitted, truthfully she had no idea. It was like a nightmare you couldn’t wake up from. 

“Okay,” you start trying not to lose your temper, “how do you get out of them?”

“I-I don’t know…I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay, you’re okay. We’ll figure this out.” Your brain moves a hundred miles a minute as you try to connect the dots. You examine the room looking for an exit, running seeming like the only option. The only out was blocked though and boarded up by Leon only minutes before. 

Another way, there had to be another way. 

Your eyes find the table and your pack on the table. A lightbulb went off as you moved towards it slowly; careful to not alert Leon and keep him in the battle he was currently fighting. Quietly and carefully you pulled out a syringe filled with Amobarbital, a sedative that would send him to the ground. 

You tried not to shake as you started to explain your thought process to Ashley, “I’m going to corner and sedate him. If something goes wrong you need to hide until he comes to, okay? Careful though, don’t make any sudden movements, just stay as still as you can. If he leaves, do not follow.” 

Ashley nodded, finding a disregarded dumpster. She slowly moved towards it and climbed into it.

Her movements were gentle enough to not cause too much of a ruckus as you approached Leon from behind. As she reached for the lid, her palms sweaty and her hands shaking, she tried to pull it down. Crouching in the dumpster she almost made it until she slipped, letting go of the lid. A loud bang caused Leon to stop what he was doing and turned in the direction of the dumpster. Quick and powerful strides being made in her direction were quickly stopped when you started talking. Your tone is firm and demands attention. 

“Flesh and bone. That’s all you are, flesh and bone.” 

Leon turned sharply in your direction, cloudy eyes with the intent to kill. He charged at you with his knife pointing directly at your face. You dodged and he stumbled, but was quick to recover. 

“You remember that? That depressing conversation we had the night before we got here?” He went to throw a punch but you roughly kicked him in the chest sending him backwards. 

“What about the time you were so scared that you hurt me in training and you spent the rest of the night searching for my pulse?” You grunted planting your feet and punched him. You were pissed because this man was not the man that you had grown lovingly accustomed to. The man you had started to fall for. 

All Leon saw was a woman with a bloody knife who spewed memories from her throat. How could she have known that? There is no way she could have known that, but he fought regardless. With a broad stroke he knocked the side of her face with his own blade. 

You wouldn’t have noticed he hit you, if it wasn’t for the sting of your own blood rolling down your cheek. 

You successfully knocked the knife out of his hand as your other hand threw another punch to his jaw. You let out a small breath of shock before going to jab the syringe into his neck, but he caught your hand. He roughly pushed you backwards and against the wall. Your spine suffers as you let out a harsh wince of pain. 

“Fuck, Leon!” You try not to wail as his hand lets go of your fist and goes for your throat. Your free hand finds his wrist as his grip tightens. 

“How do you know that?” He barked the question with such intensity that it caused you to cower against him. “Where is she? What did you do?” 

“L-Leon…” You dryly strangle out, “Me. Look at me…” 

That woman’s voice turned to yours and slowly her features started to become yours. His grip around your throat loosening, starting to become unsure of what was reality. 

“Please…” you begged as you started learning to breathe again, “I know- I know it’s hazy.” You regained your grip on the syringe while the hand still attached to his wrist pushed forward. Your fingers find his index and middle finger and you pull them to your pulse, pressing firmly down so he could find it. So he could feel the pleading beats, identify the blood that coursed through your veins. 

You were pure and untampered and he started to see clearly. Glassy doe eyes peering into his eyes while his calloused fingertips felt the smoothness of your flesh. Your breath hitching in your throat as you saw particles of him returning. 

“(Y-Y/N)?” He stutters out, like a whimper still unsure, but questioning. You nodded and for a moment you thought you saw a light at the end of the tunnel. You were ready to fall to your knees and beg for forgiveness. 

But you always paid the price. The sound of wood breaking as a body slammed through the boarded up doorway. A tall, dark, greasy man stumbling through trying to catch his breath caused Leon’s grip on you to tighten. 

The oxygen leaves you quicker than it took you to breathe in. 

“Am I interrupting?” The man asked, causing Leon to lose his focus and you took advantage of the moment to stab the syringe harshly into his throat. Your thumb harshly pushing down on the plunger as you injected the sedative into his bloodstream. He let go of you, causing you to fall to your knees as harsh coughs rake through your chest. 

Leon sways slightly as he pulls the empty syringe from his neck. He blinks, the barn becoming clear to him now. Falling to his knees he looks at you, the utter terror on your face makes his blood run cold. Your wide eyes,  blood trailing from your cheek and down your neck, and the way your body trembles is the last thing he sees before he goes unconscious.

It takes a minute, but you crawl over to him and pull him into your lap. You find his pulse and he seems stable as you let out a shaky breath that you’ve been holding. You curl around him, tears pouring down your face as you try to keep yourself under control. The nightmare was over and you have never felt as sick as you did now. 

“Miss?” The man calls for you and you fist Leon’s shirt holding his body to yours before glaring daggers at the man.  

“Luis Sera?” You ask him, your voice low as it wryly escapes from dry lips. He saw all he needed to see to know that you were with Leon. 

“Sí.” He confirmed. 

“I need a cure.” 

———————————————————

Leon bumped shoulders with some agents, but he couldn’t care less as he ran down the hall and down the stairs. He was on his own mission and if he took a single moment you could be gone. His heart raced as he took the stairs to the final level of the building and out the side door. His eyes scan the dimly lit parking lot for your frame and he finds it against your car. He sees you reach for the door handle and he calls for you, “Hey!”

You are startled slightly, but you turn to look at him. You send him a warm smile and a little wave as he jogs to your side. Normally he’d send you warm regards back, but he was upset. 

“Slow your roll there, pretty boy. You’ve seen the way these people drive through this parking lot. Without a care in the world, granted I’m not one to talk.” You joke, your tone is light and airy. Your relaxed posture is a clear juxtaposition of his own.

“You’re transferring?” Your brows knitted together as your once small smile turned to a frown. 

“They told you, huh?” 

“They did.” His heart broke, having no choice but to believe it now that you confirmed it. 

“I was going to tell you over drinks this weekend.” You defend yourself with a shrug. 

“They also told me that you left out the barn incident in your debriefing.” An uncomfortable silence fell over the both of you as he looked at your bandaged cheek. He shut his eyes in pain, having trouble coming to terms with the fact that he could’ve killed someone he cared so deeply for. It was only a moment of relief though until the image of you so frightened of him appeared behind his eyelids. You were so scared, you were so scared of him. He shook it off with a deep breath as he opened his eyes, “If you’re leaving because of that, because of what I did, I swear to you that I will never work with you on a mission again.” 

Your eyes softened and you wanted to reach for him, but couldn’t. “Lee, no, that has nothing to do with the transfer. I trust you with my life.” 

It took everything in him to not wince at your words. How could you say that? How could you possibly mean that? After everything, you still genuinely trusted him. 

“Then why-?” 

“Because I felt like it was something they didn’t need to know the details of, so I wrote it off. Got in trouble for it, but they connected the dots from yours and Ashley’s reports. It’s all they needed.” 

“I…” He started, he had so much he wanted to say. He didn’t know where to start, he didn’t know how to handle this. “I don’t understand.” You just smile at him. His heart melted, but couldn’t bring himself to return your smile. 

“I don’t either.” You reassure him, “They’ve got a couple loose ends to tie up and they want me to finish the job, so I took the position. It’s only supposed to be temporary or did you even let them get that far before running out here?” 

He didn’t, he just left. Which he shouldn’t have, but hindsight was something he was still working on. A short laugh escaped him before admitting it to you, “No.”

You giggled as your hand went to cover your growing smile. You both soaked up this sense of normalcy for a minute, basking in the glow of each other. 

“You are something else, Kennedy.” 

“In a good or bad way?” His tone was flirtatious as he relaxed slightly. 

“A bit of both, just how I like it.” You gaze at him through half lidded eyes. He wanted to touch you, he wanted to pull you to his chest and kiss you so deeply that he would still linger on your lips as you drove home. 

He didn’t, as a fear of your rejection crept up his neck. He hasn’t laid a finger on you since you both had gotten back, not wanting to trigger your fight or flight reflexes. It was a miracle that you didn’t start running the opposite direction when you saw him. He’d let you come to him, he refused to force himself upon you. No matter how badly he needed to feel you. 

“When do you leave?” 

“Next week.” It hurt to finally confront, “Why? You want to throw me a going away party in the break room?” You joked, trying to cover up the pain in your voice. 

“Absolutely.” He said with a smile and you just rolled your eyes. 

“I’ll pass, but if you want to go out for drinks?” You ask, raising a brow. 

“Wouldn’t want it any other way.” He chuckled, his brain beginning to stumble over the word temporary. “How long is temporary, by the way?” 

“Hey, we have to have something to discuss over drinks.” You didn’t want to break it to him now that temporary meant almost two years. Your lips form a tight smile that didn’t fool him, but he understood. 

“Right.” An awkwardness starts to clog his throat, “You also didn’t mention Ada in your reports either.” 

You sighed, refusing to look at him as your stomach turned into an empty pit, “I’m afraid that’s another topic I’ll have to save until I have some alcohol in my system.” His brows knitted together and he sighed. Every conversation starter leads him to a dead end. Every excuse to spend more time with you coming up short. 

“I understand.” He didn’t, but he was willing to be patient. He owed you more than just his patience. 

“Listen, I’ve gotta get going. I’m meeting an old friend for dinner and breaking the transfer news to them as well. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” You go to open your car door and he just watches you run from him. Unable to move or speak as he prepares himself to wallow in the depression of your absence. 

“Tomorrow, Princess.” Your heart flutters at the nickname as you crack a smile. You get into the car and start the engine. You roll your window down and take a final look at him, your chest blossoming despite everything. 

“You still have stuff to do so don’t start something you can’t finish.” He smiles as you put the car in reverse and back out of your parking spot. “Goodnight, dear.” You shout from your window before rolling your window up and driving away from him. Leaving him in an empty parking lot while he waved you away. Leon let out a heavy sigh as his hands found their way into his pockets. 

His thoughts ran wild as he tried to think of a way to fix this.  

[almostfoxglove]

hey queen do you have any joel fic recs? can be au or canon long or short im just desperate for some joel fics lol

oh ho HO anon HELLO yes of course I do :,) I'll give you a variety of flavors so you've got some options. thank you so much for the opportunity to gush about some fics I love :,) these are in no particular order and I am 100% gonna miss brilliant ones because I have a terrible memory I'm so sorry

okay, let's start with SERIES!

I'll Never Get Out of This World Alive by Kiwicane on ao3 (ongoing series)

universe: canon universe, jackson!joel

flavor: ANGST holy fuck. also, incredible action sequences? like actually jaw dropping. and some... enemies to lovers? that's all I'll say!!!!

I actually cannot overstate how much this fic has me pinned to the fucking ground literally anytime I get a notification it's updated on ao3 I fucking RUN okay I run. it's so fucking good. THE TWISTS AND TURNS? you're not ready (you are please read it, it deserves so much fucking love)

Futureproof by @luxurychristmaspudding on tumblr (ongoing series)

universe: modern!au, actor!joel

flavor: girldad!famous joel starstruck by badass rockstar reader? yes I'll take 20.

the prologue for this just came out and FUCK I'm hooked. seriously, just buckle in. the vibes are immaculate, the world building's insane, and joel gets BOTH THIS DAUGHTERS??? I could cry.

Maintenance Request by @burntheedges on tumblr & ao3 (series complete)

universe: modern!au, hotconstructionguy!joel

flavor: fluff & FILTH just... trust me on this one. giddy rom-com feelings and absolute filth. but filth with love. AH

I literally rec this fic to anyone who gives me 0.2 seconds to talk about joel listen it's just. chef's kiss. the rom-com of my dreams.

Halcyon by @justagalwhowrites on tumblr & ao3 (ongoing series)

universe: modern!au, girldad!joel

flavor: childhood best-friends to lovers and s l o w b u r n PINING. so much fucking pining (my kryptonite)

this fic actually broke my brain I think. it is at once so sweet and tender and fucking heart wrenching. strap in for a slowburn but WOOF it's so worth it.

take me back to eden by skyspacelunar on ao3 (series complete)

universe: canon universe post-outbreak, smuggler/pre-jackson!joel

flavor: ANGST, enemies to lovers, TEARS

listen. listen. don't let the OC tag spook you away, this is so fucking good. delicious forced proximity, hate sex, then HEART EYES. there's violence, action, spice, LOVE, and goddamn tragedy. do it!

now... ONE SHOTS!

looking for the light by @sixhours on tumblr & ao3

universe: pre-outbreak!, brandnewdad!joel

flavor: angst with a happy ending, tiny baby 23 year old joel being a newly single dad to baby sarah

okay don't let the word count fool you, this one fuckin WRECKED ME (and put me back together? oh my god) my heart. I wanna hug him so fuckin bad. READ IT AND WEEP (but not in a vengeful way, in an angsty way)

until then by @studioghibelli on tumblr

universe: no-outbreak, priest!joel

flavor: ANGST angst angst. if you like fleabag.... wink!

bell wrote this for my angst challenge and it fuckin ruined me. ha ha HA it's so good. holy fuck. get ready for tears

hungry, lonely, violent by @dontloooknow on tumblr & ao3

universe: canon universe post-outbreak, jackson!joel

flavor: angst and fluff and smut. you get it all!

this is a BEEFY one shot (22k hell yeah) that has pretty much all you could ask for from sweet ol jackson!joel. the tenderness in this? off the charts. I do need him! biblically!

this has made me realize I need to read more joel one shots... oof! time to get through my tbr.

aaand I'm guessin since you're sending this you may already know about my joel fics, but just in case, I've got 3 ongoing series (one almost complete!) & 1 one shot

cover me up: jackson!joel (angst and smut and tenderness)

see you at three: no-outbreak au, young!joel (rom-comish, fluff and angst and eventual smut)

lock the gate: bostonqz!joel (angst, bitter allies to lovers, eventual smut)

I also have a bookshelf on my blog with shelves divided by characters, so you can also check out the joel miller shelf there (will include fics on my tbr list as well as ones I've read) this was so much fun. sorry it's long, but I hope you enjoy these!!

xx freya

[enluv]

[ 1:35 AM ]

word count: 463

pairing: song eunseok x mentioned reader

warnings: angst, dwelling on past relationships, not cheating but definitely thoughts of others during relationship with new partner

eunseok can’t forget the mornings you spent together, limbs entangled underneath his sheets, your body warmth bringing him comfort well into the mid afternoon after he’d insist you stay laying next to him, refusing to let you go.

his heart breaks when he can’t say those three simple words back to his current partner, he knows it breaks theirs too.

you’ll always be the only one in his heart, no matter how long it’s been since you parted ways, even when he’s moved on just like now he can’t forget you.

he can’t forget your bright smile after he presents you with the beautifully hand picked flower bunch he has hidden behind his back, and he’ll never forget your perfect laugh after he’s told another one of his silly jokes or the way you tug at your hair when you’re anxious.

that same laugh he’d kill to hear again, the same smile he dreams about well into the late night as he lays empty next to his new partner.

and he knows it’s not fair to them, he knows he’s hurting them but he can’t bring himself to care when he remembers the memories you once shared, the feelings you emitted from him, or the love you permitted him to give you all those years you were together.

he hears your name as he walks by your favorite coffee shop, and sees you in the stars when he’s on a walk late at night, granted the reason he can’t sleep is because you run through his mind and take over his dreams often keeping him up.

he feels terrible when he compares anyone new to you, and he wishes he could stop it, he wishes he didn’t love you so damn much but he does and he can’t escape it any longer, he needs to see you, needs to know you miss him the way he misses you.

eunseok knows you’re still in the same place he walked out of almost a year ago, he knows you still go to the same cafe you’d showed him while dating and he for sure knows you still sit to gaze at the stars in your small hideout behind his old apartment building. he knows all this because he does it all the same too, never once changing anything drastic just in case you’d think to come back to him.

it’s laughable how desperate he is to see you again, to hold you in his arms or to hear your voice.

he dwells on what if’s, torturing himself with millions of thoughts on how he could have handled that night differently. how he knows he could have just shut up and he’d probably still have you in his arms right now just like he longs for.

coco’s <3 note: tehehehe hey guys 😋 hope you liked this one! and don’t hate me too much for eunseok angst 🫰🏽 ty @odxrilove & @invuwrld for proofreading this originally and telling me it wasn’t bad 🫶🏽 I hope everyone likes it seriously!! I’ve never done timestamps so I’m a little nervous hehe but here it is!! as always, feedback and reblogs are always appreciated <3

riize taglist — @palajae @txtlyn @rllymark @soheekisser @luvbinnies @chaerybae @lecheugo @idkwatodoanymore @givemeakith @haechansbbg @mxlly143 @tinyelfperson @vampcharxter @odxrilove @noajakah236482 @nikilvrfvr @ja4hyvn @aerivrs (bold can’t be tagged 🥺🫶🏽)

[tiredtogepi]

A Lady & Her Hounds

Chapter 1

The Hound x Fem!Reader (Jon Arryn's daughter; Sabrina)

This chapter contains: Fluff | Brat

Word count: 1146

*this is my first GOT fan fiction. There are many chapters with mostly fluff, some angst, and mature content ;) I hope that someone will read it and enjoy it*

Dogs have always fascinated you. The way they create bonds, love their humans, their loyalty, and friendliness. Being Jon Arryns daughter was not bad but, you felt left out most of the time since he married Lysa and their son was born. That's when the dogs came into your life. Some Lord from the north had offered puppies from his newest litter as a gift for your name day. Your father wasn't so happy about it, but he let you keep it so you could finally have some company. Initially, you had 3 dogs, but a few years later after contacting more breeders, you found yourself with a pack of 15 dogs.

You took your time to train them for protection during the conflict between the Mad King and Robert Baratheon. They obeyed you well, they looked out for you, but most of all they loved you, their loyalty was not questionable and they would give their life to save you. When the war was over your father was named hand of the king and you all moved to the Red Keep. You had begged your father to take at least some of your dogs but he wouldn't allow it. Luckily you were close enough to the working staff in The Eyrie to make sure they were well taken care of.

When you arrived at King’s Landing, King Robert made sure to have a feast in honor of the new hand and his family. He was a big man that had fought many battles and almost kept his intimidating factor intact, if it weren’t for the extra pounds he gained. What surprised you is that there were still knights protecting him.

During the feast the conversation around you was like some faded-out noise, but someone caught your attention. A tall man with a half-burned face and intense brown eyes. It was interesting to look at him, especially because of some slight facial expressions he made out of distaste for the conversations around, just like you.

"Ha! Lady Sabrina, I know about your interests in dogs but I didn't realize this one would interest you too!" Robert pointed at the man he was able to catch you staring at.

You blushed as that man at glanced at you.

"Pardon, your grace, I was lost in my thoughts." You gave a quick answer trying to avoid more embarrassment.

"No need for apologies. Sandor Clegane is a tough-looking man, our Hound!" The drunk king was getting more excited by the second. "Tell me Lady Sabrina, if we put your hounds and my hound in the arena against each other, which one would take the win?" He laughed and started choking on his own wine.

"I don't think any hound deserves to be put in that situation. I find it very distasteful, your grace." You stood up and bowed to the king while he laughed at your audacity.

"Are you leaving us already?" Robert inquired

"Yes, your grace. I am unwell, maybe I had too much wine." You were already slowly stepping away.

"Would you like to see the master?" your father asked, he always worried about your health, since your mother passed away from a terrible and silent disease, so any little symptom you had he would take it very seriously.

"No, thank you father, I will go get some books at the maester's library. If I need assistance I will call for it." You bowed lightly and as you turned your back the king spoke

"Clegane, accompany the lady to her chambers. She had a little much to drink and might need some help"

You rolled your eyes as you walked out and heard footsteps coming towards you. This is what you hated about this place. Too many people telling you what to do, keeping an eye on you, and always so many rules on what you can and can't do.

As you went to turn into the next hallway to the library Clegane stepped in front of you. You tried to go around him but he kept blocking your way.

"The king said to take you to your chambers." His tone was serious.

"Maybe you misheard it, but I need to get some books first." You tried to move away from him. He ignored you and kept blocking your way.

You tried to keep yourself composed since you had much anger and frustration stored inside you since coming to the king's landing. You took a big breath trying for the last time to be polite.

"Ser.."

"I'm no Ser."

"Seven hells! Let me go get my fucking books!" Maybe it was the alcohol that gave you the courage to raise your voice and push him out of the way, even though he didn't move an inch.

Apparently, that was amusing enough for him to let you go while he subtly smirked. You finally reached the maesters' library. The Hound stood by the entrance. You took a book, then another, then as you went to get the third book you had an idea.

"Ahem!" You cleared your throat to get his attention. He looked at you as you repeatedly looked down at the heavy books on your arms and up at him.

He scoffed and took your books.

''Wait, there's more!" You said it innocently as he turned around and you decided to find 2 of the heaviest books on forestry and wildlife and put it on top of the pile he was already carrying. He grunted.

"We can go now!" You said innocently, knowing you were being a brat. Honestly alcohol didn’t give you the best ideas.

As you found yourself by your chamber door, Clegane leaned down to hand you the books. You stepped away, opening the door to your room.

"Could you place them inside on that little table?" This time you weren't trying to be inconvenient, but there was no way you could carry all that weight.

Clegane tried to hide his annoyance. He thought you were just another spoiled highborn like Joffrey or Cersei. He placed the books on the table aggressively. You tried to walk around the table to accompany him to the door, but you tripped on one of your book piles on the floor and fell with your face on the big man's chest. He didn't move, you put your hands on his chest to get back on your feet.

"Pardon me...I think I've had too much to drink." You mumbled. He looked down to stare at you making sure you didn't get hurt on his armor. You blushed and looked away as he started to leave.

"Why do they call you The Hound?" You asked as he was almost by the door. He stopped and didn't turn around.

"Why do you care?" He grunted.

"What should I call you then?"

"Don't call me." He replied as he walked away.

[writtenontheport]

Hey, would you write Anthony Lockwood x reader, in which George and Lucy are fed up with the reader and Lockwood arguing and lock them in the basement for the whole night until they reconcile, and at the same time profess their love for each other. Thanks in advance

Skeletons in the Closet but it’s Actually Just Us

Anthony Lockwood x (gn) reader

Warnings/Tags: Romcom levels of fluff, You’ve Got Mail level of romcom, no suggestive content, Lucy and George friendship, They are deeply fed up, ‘Locked in a cupboard until they confess’ trope, Lockwood is a silly guy, confessions, Reader is a bit of a grumpy person, Valid tbh when the love of their life is some self-sacrificing bozo, A bit of angst given the nature of the Problem, mentions of death,

Notes: Just reviewed all the romcoms I’ve watched these past few weeks so this might be extra cheesy. Also I am rereading your request, anon and I am so sorry but I misread it so BAD 💀But also I changed the time a bit from it being night to it being right after a case! I’m so sorry this isn’t how your request put it 😭 I have terrible reading skills VERY LOOSELY EDITED AND SHORT

Summary: You and Lockwood are unable to voice your own feelings for each other, which frustrates Lucy and George enough to take action. An argument, locked storage, and a heart to heart about the nature of your world later, you’re setting up… a date..???

Anthony John Lockwood was an annoying prat who strutted about like a peacock in desperate need of a slap. Now this frustration is usually the result of something smaller; minute, you might even say, but today— oh, today.

“You ran straight into danger—“ You repeat yourself for what must be the 4th time the past hour. Anthony is sitting across from you in the kitchen “—even though George and I had specifically warned you—“

“Lucy went in too!” He blurts, throwing his shoulders up.

“Keep me out of this,” Lucy hisses, narrowing her eyes at him, “I actually brought iron chains with me.”

You gesture at her wildly, nodding in vindication as you turn back to Lockwood, “Exactly. Lucy knew what she was doing, you were just being reckless! I basically had a heart attack when that Visitor nearly ghost-touched you because you—“

“I didn’t need you to push me aside and put yourself in danger, though!” He hissed, just as frustrated. “I knew what I was doing. I’m very well aware of how it looked like, but I swear I knew what I was doing. Even if… I did need your help getting out of the trouble I put myself in after.”

A pregnant pause hangs in the air, frustration and worry laying under tension so thick you could it with a knife. You look away first with a defeated huff. Lockwood raises a brow and his lips split into a wobbly smile, the charming bastard. He lounges back into his seat and rests one arm on the table in front of him— a gesture for your hand. The look would have been more impactful if a bruise wasn’t already forming on cheek and there wasn’t blood drying on his brow. Still, you make your way over to him to fix his tie (which had gotten caught on banisters during the case) and push his collar up. He beams at you when you pat his jacket neat, but you’re still upset.

“Reckless… stupid prick…” You mumble, brushing his hair with your hands.

Under you, Lockwood’s grin grows just the faintest bit soft as he lolls his head back just to watch your frown.

“I think, hear me out, this is just because you’re worried about me,” Lockwood hums.

You scoff, tugging his tie down harshly, “Someone has to with how little you seem to worry about your own life. Like, seriously Anthony? Our lives are on the line—“

“Want to go on a date?” He asks, interrupting you. You choke on air and quickly let go to swat at his chest. Even if he meant that jokingly, something blazing seemed to unfurl in your chest and stuttered your breathing. You’re usually warm around Lockwood, human heater that he was, but this was a feeling that had your palms clammy and your teeth burried into your lips.

“Now is not the time to joking, Lockwood,” you grit out.

“Well I’m not. I really mean—“ he starts, but the sound of a clang startles you both. Lockwood springs up and takes your hand in his, putting himself between you and the basement door. You look around to find Lucy, but her chair’s empty and pushed in. Worry seeps into your bones with a familiarity like the hand holding yours.

“Lucy? George?” Lockwood calls out, stepping closer to find the door ajar.

Distantly you hear both of them call for you and Lockwood, sounding distressed. You push yourself in front of Lockwood into the spiral staircase down, dismissing the small click of his tongue from behind you.

“You’re being reckless now,” He whispers harshly, which you ignore.

It’s a quick trip to the bottom (with Lockwood likely frowning the whole way down), as you rush into the basement. Lucy and George are standing by the ‘high security’ storage room, something unreadable and determined in their expressions. You rush forward, checking on both of them and giving each a hug after.

You flutter about them both, brows furrowed in worry, “Are you two alright? Are you hurt? Is everything—“

From behind you, Lockwood’s hands rest on your shoulders then rub up and down along your arms in a soothing gesture. “What’s happened?”

Lucy gives George a look, and he clears his throat to say, “We found something in the storage. I couldn’t see it that well, and Lucy—“

Lockwood, the absolutely reckless prick, was already making his way inside. You take a breath through your nose and follow right after him, sending reassuring smiles to Lucy and George as you step in. You whip back to glare at Lockwood’s head, ever the reckless hero he was.

“Lockwood don’t just walk in without even hearing about the situation.” You check a shelf for the sources you keep locked away, Lockwood taking the opposite. A quiet moment passes as you run a hand along the line of the shelf, trying to sense for anything out of the ordinary.

“Probably a Visitor took a break from being in one of our… usually foolproof containers.” He looks over a small, see-through box to check for any cracks or breakage.

You whip back to glare at him, feeling not only worried, but frustrated as well. “Which is exactly why you shouldn’t have just waltzed in, Anthony. This is exactly what I mean when I say you’re completely reckless sometimes—“

The door to the high security storage clicks closed, and you both startle. You make your way over to push the door open, but the lock is keeping it shut.

“Shit,” Lockwood rasps out. Yeah, that’s fair.

When you got home from the case that day, you didn’t think the rest of the night would be spent being locked in the basement storage for the next morning. After a quick argument with Lucy and George (who promised to be back whenever ‘you two (you and Lockwood) had stopped arguing and acting like idiots’) where they had insisted they wouldn’t be too far and to just yell for them if anything went wrong.

Now, Lockwood sat beside you with your backs to the door. Lucy had had the foresight to leave you behind with medical supplies, and you found one of George’s sticky notes on a tray of quick snacks. Messily scrawled in the way only George ever could, was Get yourselves together, thanks.

If getting yourselves in order and making up looked like awkward silence and Anthony’s self-soothing stretching and everything you did to self-soothe, then it was looking fantastic. Lockwood had yet to say anything but a few curses when he tried to open the door, though he’d given up half an hour in. Now it was just you two munching on biscuits in a semi-awkward silence.

“I meant it, you know,” He says suddenly, as you’re patching him up and cleaning his wounds. His eyes don’t mean yours when you look up, but you know what he means.

“It was a terrible time to suggest that kind of thing, Anthony,” You bite back, careful to dress his wrist properly.

“I meant it though.” He says sincerely; challengingly. He was always like this, baiting for you to fight back or ague for more, even if you could never tell why.

“Then we’d go on a date, do whatever it is people who like each other do, then I…” you rest your fingers over his open palm, and he slides his own in the spaces between yours “… I watch you throw yourself into danger— into sure death and just wait for either our talents to dry up or for either of us to die?”

“No,” he hums, peering at you through his long lashes, “Well, sort of, just—“

“What else, Anthony?”

“I wouldn’t word it like that.” He squeezes your hand and you purse your lips. Here you are with someone you love dearly wondering if the next time either of you go out there someone dies.

“Then how would you word it, Lockwood?” You want to hope, voice cracking under the weight of your need. Your soft heart lurches from the thick walls of your chest— through the ribs and the muscle and whatever the fuck else was there— reaching with its sharp claws for a scrap.

“We… go on a date. Because I like you and you like me, and because even without the problem hanging over us, we could die at any minute. I, for one, wouldn’t want to waste any of it I could have with you, now or after.” Like a ray of hope, the twinkle in his eyes. Like a ray of hope, that punchable, kissable grin. Your heart lurches and your breath stutters.

You take a free hand to tuck loose strands of his hair out of his face, humming, “How are you so sure I like you, Lockwood?”

“I don’t,” he admits sheepishly. He’s boyish like this, whispering and grinning at you with something not so cocky and infuriatingly cute. “Just a guess really.”

“George told you.” Even though you never told George.

“George did tell me he had a theory, yes… Backed it up with evidence and everything”

You glare at him for a moment, this ray of hope your heart has chosen to cling onto in these times and troubles, and find yourself faltering.

“One condition. Then we can go on however many dates you want for however long you’ll have me,” you offer, dropping your hands down to look proper into his face.

“Anything,” he says easily, shuffling closer to you.

“Try not to be so reckless. We can’t have you dying before even the first one— or any of them, understand?” You pinch his nose lightly, earning a gentle swat back from him.

“You have to try, too. I can’t lose you either.” He brings your hands to his lips, pressing kisses along each knuckle.

I love you goes unspoken, but he sees it in the way you smile so warmly at him, and you see it in the way he holds your hands like it’s the world. Not today, but maybe someday you will tell each other. Today you yell for George and Lucy to finally let you both out and face the world hand in hand.

A/N: I’m such a fan for the “couple who’s not yet a couple bicker endlessly with each other over every little thing” cause I find it so cute. I am a ‘love at first argument’ girlie to the core. Some of my most major crushes have been people I argue with near constantly. Also, because you didn’t anon specify I flipped a coin and it landed on (gn).

Side note: This is especially short because I’m still thinking on how to go about a few things I’m writing. Been having ideas for an angst fic for either Lockwood or Lucy (x reader, ofc) and continuing George’s series because I am deeply in love with him

[blasphemecel]

Matsuoka Rin — Priorities

PAIRING(S): Matsuoka Rin/Reader WORD COUNT: 4.7k TYPE: Light Angst, Making Up, Childhood friends WARNING(S): None I think? But lmk

“C’mon,” you whined, and the sound grated on Rin’s nerves. He’d spaced out and kind of missed out on what you were upset about now, but he’d known you for long enough to find your responses somewhat predictable. It was probably another race you wanted to have, or an arm wrestle, or something along those lines. You even swam with him sometimes, and to his chagrin you were decent at it.

There was a tug on his sleeve. Rin furrowed his eyebrows and frowned when he turned to look at you, only to see an irked expression on your face. “What?”

At his question, you backed away and crossed your arms, smirking before you pointed at a tree far away in the distance. “I said we should race there. You weren’t listening.”

“But we just walked all the way here from there,” he said, annoyed by your illogical whims.

“Oh, are you scared of losing? Are you a lil’ chicken?”

“I’m NOT a chicken!”

“Ok, ok, you don’t need to take it so seriously,” you said, amusement adding a sharp edge to your smile. Then you fidgeted with your pockets and tip-toed around him. “Besides, it could be our last race.”

“Why’s that?”

“I heard what you told those guys from the swim club earlier. That you’re going away to Australia…”

Rin, again, tried to gauge your reaction. Though he’d unfortunately known you since the dawn of time — being neighbors, his mom and your guardians often made it a habit to force you to hang out with him and Gou — and though he had a sixth sense for the words you said, he didn’t know how you felt most of the time. In that moment, you seemed unbothered, like his departure didn’t faze you at all.

“You weren’t going to tell me, right?”

“I so was!”

“Uh-huh.” Clearly, you didn’t believe him. “‘Cause telling people things is totally your style.”

“I’m not that bad,” he insisted with a huff, but before you could rebut his response, Rin turned heel and began sprinting towards the tree. Over his shoulder, he called out, “The loser’s gonna be a lil’ chicken!”

“Hey! CHEATER!”

You bolted after him, but with your late start, you lost. Still, you held your palm against the trunk of the tree and glared at Rin, who was leaning against it with a smug aura surrounding him. He got all up in your face and grinned. “Who’s a lil’ chicken now?!”

“You only won ‘cause you cheated. I demand a recount.”

“I don’t think that word means whatever you think it means.”

“RECOUNT!”

“No! You’re a chicken. Just accept it.”

“… Recount?”

“There’s nothing to count,” he said before he pulled down his eyelid and blew a raspberry at you. Your glare grew more evil.

On your way back, you spent most of your time pushing at each other and continuing your gratuitous argument, and your yelling had startled many bypassers on the street.

You kept track of your competitions, of course, and you were at a draw. That could’ve been enough to salvage your ego in different circumstances, but you thought Rin was the only one who ever won things of consequence between the two of you.

___

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

How’s Gou?

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW BRO I’M IN CLASS RN BRO WHY DON’T U ASK HER BRO SHE'S UR SISTER BRO NOT MINE BRO

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

What’s with you? Are you trying to be hip???

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

NOTHING DID A KOALA SHIT ON UR HEAD YET

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

Eww.

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

Are you gonna be home for New Year’s?

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

YEAH WHY

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

DUDE ANSWER

___

Deep down, you’d been excited when Rin’s mom called you over since he was visiting for the holidays. Texts between you were sparse and by god he was terrible at replying, though you often returned the favor out of pettiness.

You didn’t have anything in mind for this afternoon and greeted Gou by ruffling her hair as usual, but Rin seemed cross and distant when you first caught a glimpse of him. Apparently your reunion didn’t move him too much.

You trailed behind him to his room where no one else could hear your conversation. “You ok?”

He shrugged and sat down on his old bed. His room was like a relic and as you scanned it, you found that everything was where he left it, or at least the things he didn’t take to Australia. There were some framed photos of you and him strewn about, but the one from the relay seemed to be missing. Something suspiciously bitter settled in your stomach, but you ignored it.

“Did something happen?”

“It’s just… I dunno, do you think swimming’s worth it?”

“Huh? Why not?” you asked, wondering what kind of stupid question that was. “Don’t you literally go to a swimming school now, abroad?”

“This is stupid,” Rin warned, since he knew you’d probably scold him for being a stupid pansy when you heard the rest of his statement. There was a distant sadness you recognized in his expression and that only confused you further while you waited for his explanation. “I keep losing. I don’t have a natural calling for it.”

“You’re comparing yourself to that guy,” you said, narrowing your eyes at him.

Rin blinked. “What guy?” he asked, even though it was obvious you were talking about Haru.

“Uh, what’s his name? Nanase?”

“You don’t understand! It’s not just him.”

“Whatever,” you said with a shake of your head. “Forget I said anything.”

It was unlike you to back down from a disagreement like this, but Rin was glad to leave it. Both of you were too young to understand. Maybe your hesitance to push came because this was much more serious than either of you realized.

___

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

Hey Have you seen Haru and the others around? How’re they doing?

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

U CORNY ASS FREAK ASK THEM YOURSELF

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

First of all, shut up, I’m NOT a cornball. Second of all, how am I supposed to ask? I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m on another continent. Tho it wouldn’t surprise me if you somehow missed out on that

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

WHAT, U DON’T EVEN HAVE THEM ON LINE OR SOMETHING? JEEZ MAN

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

Yeah, I don’t. Listen I don’t care or anything, I was just a little curious is all.

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

COOOOOOOOOORNY FREAK

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

Stop saying that

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

CORNY FREAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

SERIOUSLY I’M SERIOUS.

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

IDC I KNOW UR A CORNY FREAK DEEP DOWN

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

I’M BLOCKING YOU

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

U WOULDN’T Message couldn’t be delivered. Tap to try again.

___

Rin scrolled through your messages for the nth time. He probably spent more time doing this — lamenting — than he did responding. When he thought of you, remembered the details of your face, he saw someone fundamentally different from himself. Someone who was self-sufficient.

If you were in his predicament, you wouldn’t sweat it. Loneliness didn’t bother you, and though he never asked, he knew you were doing just fine without him. It was how you were. You brushed off everything with ease, and he recalled the indifference he sensed from you when you first found out he was going away with great distaste.

Stupid you, he thought as he scrunched his nose like the abstract idea of you was now appalling. He swiped back up to the beginning of some dry, mundane conversation he had with you and reread it again.

___

The last few years, for you, had passed by in a blur. Nothing of note ever happened.

As you were a second year, there was nothing special about the first day of school. Actually, you never found the beginning of the school year remarkable, but it seemed even less interesting now that you’d gone through the first rodeo of high school. It signified that your stale vacation days would transition into a different type of monotony and nothing more.

When Gou weaseled her way inside your classroom during recess, you didn’t think much of it. She liked catching up with you from time to time, so her seeking out your presence wasn’t that unusual. You weren’t prepared for her to rub her neck and sheepishly ask, “Sorry to bother you… Has my brother talked to you recently?”

“I think we texted a few weeks back,” you said. “Why are you asking? Something going on?”

She blinked in realization since you seemed none the wiser to his return. “Um, no, I mean… I mean, yeah, he isn’t responding. And I’m a little worried about it. But have you seen him?”

“Uh, last time we saw him was this New Year’s,” you reminded, giving her a weird look. For a second you entertained the idea she was going crazy, but then she graced you with an off-put expression, too.

“Seriously? He didn’t tell you he came back either?” Her tone sounded incredulous when she realized that must be the case, but worry settled in her stomach. Why was her brother acting so strange? He hadn’t informed anyone, even you.

“What? He came back? Like, here in Japan?”

“Yeah! I was worried because I haven’t seen him since he’s going to Samezuka, and he’s not responding to my messages either… So I thought maybe you’d know if he’s doing alright.” There was an exasperated throw of her hands. Following her explanation, Gou frowned. “I guess not.”

Your lips pressed into a straight line while this information registered in your head, eyes absent when you looked away. “Yeah, I guess not.”

___

Rin was different.

You were the same.

That was what he thought when he saw you standing in front of his dorm room with your arms crossed and a smug smile on your face — that even if you looked older, even if your features were sharper and more grown-up, you were the same. Your bravado reminded him of when you’d challenge him to arbitrary contests and how you kept a tally of your wins and losses. He assumed you still did so when you sent him invites to compete in stupid mobile games, too.

“What’re you doing here?” he asked, voice even. Maybe you had come to ask him to race against you again, and to rub it in his face if you won. You won a lot. Too much for someone who didn’t do proper competitive sports.

You kicked yourself off the wall and grinned. “Greetings, asshole.”

“Seriously? No welcome back hug? No ‘I missed you so much’? Just going straight to the name-calling?” Rin asked. He tried to sound humorous when he said it, but it still came out flat, like he wasn’t into it.

“Jerks who ignore their sisters don’t get hugs, no.”

He rolled his eyes. “Oh, does Gou tattle her troubles to you now? Have I been replaced?”

“You called her a crybaby the last time she whined to you.”

“I didn’t mean it.”

You stared at each other blankly.

“None of this explains why you’re creepily standing in front of my room, waiting to ambush me, though,” he said, after a while of uncomfortable silence.

“Breaking inside indoor pools isn’t really my style,” you said, waving your hands. As much as you tended not to pay attention to anything around you, word had traveled around after Haru, Makoto and Nagisa got scolded for visiting Samezuka late at night. All things considered, what you were doing was not that concerning. Campus security let you in and everything. “Like, I’m not that desperate, you know?”

His expression dimmed at your mention of last night’s incident when he both won and lost against Haru — not that you knew. You pursed your lips when you noticed his shift in demeanor before you continued,

“Besides, is it so wrong to wanna see my good ol’ buddy? Maybe it is, considering you didn’t tell me you were here and all.”

Rin at least had the decency to seem embarrassed, even if he didn’t rush to fall to his knees and grovel for your forgiveness.

“I… was meaning to tell you,” he settled on.

You leaned against the wall again like his answer exhausted you, hands sneaking back inside your pockets. It made him nostalgic to see you do your usual mannerisms, but just about anything made him long for the past those days. Even stupid things like this — like the way you fussed with your clothing.

“You didn’t,” you said.

“I didn’t, but you’re still here.”

There was a hint of displeasure in what he said. Maybe he didn’t like surprises, maybe he just didn’t want to see you. Your lips twitched as if you were about to frown, but the motion was short-lived. You stayed there with your usual stony expression, not amused, but certainly not angry or hurt.

You asked, “Why didn’t you?”

There were many ways to approach this question, so Rin didn’t.

“I don’t know,” he said with a shrug. “Just didn’t get around to it.”

“You wanna go somewhere? Or do you have club activities or something?”

Rin wasn’t surprised to figure out you weren’t in a club. He’d asked a few times over text to distract you from your questions about swimming, but the answer was always no. Not your kind of thing, you’d say. That you weren’t a team player, you’d continue. You didn’t take the areas you were gifted in seriously.

“I’m not in a club either,” he said. “I was just about to sign up, actually.”

“You’re not already in the swimming club? Weird.”

“I wasn’t going to, but, well. Things happen.”

This seemed to confuse you even further, but some sort of recognition flashed across your face. Rin wondered what it was that you realized, but you didn’t comment on it. All you said was, “You better get to it now then, right?”

You raised your hands again in mock surrender and took a step forward like you were about to go. Rin almost gave into the urge to stop you from leaving because he could hang out with you and- and it’d be a good time, probably. Like when you’d come over near New Year’s when he was visiting and play board games with him, or when you were the only one to entertain him in stupid conversations over the phone for around four years. The usual.

He could easily sign up for the swim club tomorrow, but he let his arm flap back to his side. He didn’t want you to think he was pathetic and needy or whatever. And Rin wanted Haru to know he could beat him any day. You’d respect him more if he accomplished that, right? If he showed you he was alright on his own, all this time, then…

His gaze lingered on your retreating figure until you disappeared from sight.

___

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

Sorry, things were kinda bad between us last time. I think.

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

EHHHH WHATEVER

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

DOES THAT MEAN U’LL STOP IGNORING KOU?

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

I don’t ignore her

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

SHE’S WORRIED ABT U MAN

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

Well,

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

?

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

Didn’t mean to send that one. I just, you know, she doesn’t HAVE to be worried

___

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

I’ve got a swimming tournament coming up. Wanna swing by?

FROM: (You) TO: RIN

IG

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

What.

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

I GUESS* SO UR NOT UNSURE ABT SWIMMING STUFF ANYMORE?

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

Well yeah. Didn’t know you remembered that. Anyway it’s not a big deal, I just have a score to settle in the prelims, so I was kind of hoping you’d be there.

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

R U DOING THAT RELAY THING?

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

No. Only the freestyle.

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

BUT U ALWAYS LIKED THE RELAY THE MOST

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

It’s not really up to me. Are you game or not?

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

HARU AND THEM STARTED A SWIMMING CLUB THIS SCHOOL YEAR IS THIS ABT THAT

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

GOU’S THEIR MANAGER SHE TELLS ME ABT THEM AND THEIR MUSCLES SOMETIMES

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

Is she doing alright? They’re not bothering her are they??? The boys in the swimming club

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

OH C'MON THEY’RE UR FRIENDS U KNOW DAMN WELL SHE'S OK AND THAT THEY’RE NOT BOTHERING HER

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

They’re not my friends.

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

IF THEY’RE NOT UR FRIENDS HOW COME UR SWIMMING FREESTYLE

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

Whatever that’s supposed to mean

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

U KNOW I’M NOT THAT DEMENETED OR IGNORANT NANASE-SAN ALWAYS OBSESSED OVER FREESTYLE SWIMMING. U TOLD ME ABOUT IT THIS IS ABOUT HIM AGAIN ISN’T IT

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

I don’t think you’re demented or ignorant.

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

YES U DO

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

Listen I asked you a pretty simple question which is do you wanna come watch me at the tournament in two days? If the answer’s no, say no. It’s quite literally THAT easy to answer.

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

OH U KNOW I’LL BE THERE STOP BEING EMO AND GIMME THE LOCATION???

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

I’M NOT EMO. Take that back.

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

NO :D

___

Your classmates were distracting. You stood upright on the other side of the stadium or… whatever it was, shifting around, adjusting your weight from your left hip to your right and then back to your left. Whispers and chatter got inside one ear and out the other, but you could still hear them, screaming something like ‘Go, Haru!’ or whatever.

However, you were here to watch Rin, not to cheer on your school. Your elbows dug into the railing, your palm imprinted on your cheek as you boredly assessed the scene in front of you. Rin didn’t see you in the crowd, or at least you assumed he didn’t. Couldn’t have — he was focused on Haru, who was next to him.

You wondered if he’d finally be satisfied after this. Probably not.

And Rin was good at swimming. You knew he had his gripes with it even though he never really told you anything of substance about whatever he was going through, but you watched him now, and he had the lead. He was even better than you’d expected. Sometimes he was flimsy when you two were younger, but you could tell that wasn’t the case anymore.

The race didn’t last long at all. It went by so fast, you had to wonder if anyone would ever come watch these for fun.

You saw him mouth something to Haru, then he walked off while the other boy was dazed by his loss. Again, you were confused since you knew Nanase-san didn’t really care about winning, but this was always more than that, wasn’t it?

You closed your eyes and contemplated the matter, then nodded sagely to yourself. Yes, of course, things were never that simple when corny freaks were involved.

Since you didn’t care about any of the Rin-less events, you took your leave and headed for the exit. There was a load of nothing you needed to do until the end of the day, after all.

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

CONGRATS WELL DONE

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

Thankssssss Are you coming tomorrow too?

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

OH YEA CUZ U ADVANCED

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

Did you leave? Nevermind. I’ll be swimming in the relay tomorrow, so wait around to see it.

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

YAY.

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

How the hell am I supposed to decipher this message

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

HAPPY FOR YOU.

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

Wtf why the sarcastic punctuation

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

NOTHING MAN I’M JUST PLAYING

FROM: Rin TO: (You)

Stop It’s weird that you know what a full stop is.

FROM: (You) TO: Rin

HAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT

___

As promised, you occupied the same spot you did the day before, watching. Waiting. Even before the whistle blew to announce the start of the race, you could tell Rin was in a bad mood. What was his deal again? The sigh you let out was almost involuntary.

Though you knew him to be moody, you didn’t think it’d impact his performance. He was dead last and he wasn’t moving in the water like he usually would. A frown pulled at your face, weighing your skin down. It was clear he wouldn’t place in number one, but at least there was still the other thing he told you he’d compete in.

He’d better not have invited you just to embarrass himself. You strolled toward the building where the swimmers headed. Maybe you’d try to talk it out with him? Not that your attempts at conversation ever amounted to much, especially when you tried to be serious.

You snuck your way in and bristled when Rin rammed into you, seemingly in a hurry. You blinked. “Where the hell are you going?”

“None of your business,” he said. Maybe out of habit.

“Huh? You invited me here.”

Rin shook his head, but halted, anyway.

“You’ve gotta do the relay,” you added. “Seriously, where are you going?”

His eyes went watery at your remark and you looked at him like he grew a second head. He was acting way more emotional than usual, and you didn’t get it at all.

You spoke again. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.”

“You won against Nanase-san yesterday,” you said.

He crossed his arms, but you could tell he was growing irritated with you. Or maybe it’d been stirring for a while, and now it boiled over. “Why does everything have to be about him?”

You glared at him. Okay, perhaps you were a little pissed at him, too. “I don’t know, you tell me. You’re-”

“I’m not his friend,” he insisted, knowing what you were about to say. “That was in the past.”

“Literally why are you doing this?”

“I don’t need anyone. I don’t need you. Just leave!”

“You asked me to stay yesterday! Hypocritical idiot.”

To prove your point, you pulled your phone out of your pocket to show him exactly what he had said, but Rin only groaned and gestured at you to stop, that there was no need to, his hands around yours. There was that aloof sadness in his expression again, but he quickly masked it with anger. “You don’t even like me. Why are you even here? Why do we still talk to each other?”

You pulled away from him, staring incredulously after the nonsense he’d just said. “What?”

“You don’t like anyone,” Rin said, pointing an accusatory finger in your face. He was scowling. You hadn’t really seen him act like this before Australia. Had he snapped at anyone else ever since he came back? “You don’t- need anyone. And I don’t…”

“Oh, shut up,” you said, raising your tone to match this. “Just shut up! You have so many friends who still care about you even though you’ve been acting like a tool lately.”

“Do you care?” Rin snapped.

It was like you were seeing him for the first time. Like the answer to that question was pertinent, some conviction lied underneath his aggression, but you didn’t question why that might be. Instead, you were offended.

You laughed. “Do I care? Do I care? I’m not always watching you chase after anyone else who isn’t me for you to ask me that.”

“I don’t chase-”

“Yeah, you don’t chase people, blah blah.”

“Be careful wording things like that,” he said, and out of nowhere, he tried to be playful. Rin was backtracking — you seemed angry with him now, which he hadn’t considered you might be when he first took to yelling at you. It was stupid, but he’d never managed to get under your skin before. Still, it wasn’t like you’d ever had such a huge fight before, either. “I might think you’re jealous.”

Your face went slack the way it tended to do. “You know what? Maybe I’m jealous.”

He raised an eyebrow.

“‘Cause you have all these friends, and all you care about is… insisting they’re not your friends? Or something? What’s your damage, man? I don’t have any other friends, just you. I admit it, I’m a loser. Ok? Yeah, I’m jealous of you. And I’m jealous Nanase-san’s always on your mind instead of me.”

You pushed him away with as much strength as you could muster. Rin’s mouth opened and you wondered if he was about to argue with you further or what. What more he had to say, you weren’t sure, but you didn’t stay around to hear it — just ran off, back to the stands.

The relay was last. You’d wasted a lot of time bad mouthing each other in the corridors, and you couldn’t believe you admitted to all that, but anyhow it wasn’t a while of waiting for it to come.

Deep down, you were a corny freak all along. The realization embarrassed you. You thought about leaving, about not watching, but didn’t have it in you. Truly, you were turning into somebody you didn’t recognize.

Rin was easy to pick out in a crowd. For you, anyway. So you had no idea what the hell he was doing in the same row as your classmates instead of the guys from his school. It seemed he was swimming in place of the nerdy one, and for a moment, he scanned the crowd until he saw you.

Were you the problem? His problem? He was smiling and laughing with Nanase-san and the others, but the moment your eyes met each other, he turned crestfallen again.

Your shoulders slumped.

And he was happy to swim with them again, as you thought he’d be. Seeing him like this reminded you of how he used to act before Australia.

And you’d never had that effect on him.

You didn’t care if they’d finish first or last or in the mediocre middle, you decided, as you left after all.

___

Sprawled over your couch, you fed yourself grapes and imagined yourself as some kind of ancient royalty, beloved by many subjects.

Were you in a crisis? You’d heard people did strange things when they were going through a midlife crisis, but you preferred to believe you weren’t middle-aged yet.

There was a knock on the door. You rose from your seat and slouched forward to look through the peephole in case it was a kidnapper, or worse, a salesperson, only to see Rin in front of you. With a practiced neutrality — what were the chances he’d forgotten those humiliating things you spewed at him? — you opened and leaned against the doorframe like a greaser from a shitty movie.

“‘Sup?”

“I’m such an asshole,” he blurted out.

You weren’t expecting that. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry, I just- This is so stupid. You’re always so… naturally tough, I guess, and sometimes I wanted to carry myself more like you. Especially since I was so lonely in Australia, and I thought you’d never let that get to you, and- I never even thought I could hurt your feelings and- I don’t know- I’m sorry. Maybe I was jealous of you, too.”

“Of course I’m not above getting in my feelings,” you said. “I’m not a robot.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” he told you for the third time.

You looked to the side. “I didn’t mean to make it look like I don’t care about you, either.”

Should you let him inside? Did he even want to hang out with you now that you’ve both said your apologies? Or would that be too awkward? Or was the fact you were leaving him on your doorstep to stand there like a dirty unwanted dog the uncomfortable part?

As you pondered all these pressing topics, Rin reached out for you, reluctant. You wondered what he was doing until he wrapped his hesitant arms around you in an embrace. Your face twisted in a grimace like hugging was some alien gesture you didn’t understand the meaning of.

When you got used to it, you returned the gesture stiffly and patted him on the back with one of your hands.

It felt kind of nice, actually.

[rawcherrycake]

Ignore all the angst, aughgghh. Just have had a lot of thoughts lately that i needed to get out, maybe being confiscated to my house for over two months is already getting to my head

[TW: vent, suicide, SH and trauma mentioned]

I usually don't think a lot about my trauma; As a kid i was taught trauma was a bad word, that to have it you'd have to go through something absolutely terrible and it'd categorize you as "crazy"

But what is terrible enough to cause trauma? Isn't living in a household where yelling was the norm enough? Getting beat to the point of bruising at least twice? Hiding from a shooting? Leaving my whole life behind to never return? Going through a pandemy? Getting told by my mom no man with good values would ever love me? Having to hide constantly? Fearing my life will be ruined if the person supposed to protect me found out? Feeling like i can never form true connections?

Sometimes i wonder how i can function the way i do. I can't say i function "normally" - Bottling up emotions, the panic from loud sounds, the fact that i don't trust myself around pills, the scars, the lack of connection - But it's enough for most not to worry, enough for most to barely notice. Maybe no one is close enough to notice anyways.

Isn't the fact i've considered suicide very seriously at least twice in my life enough proof? Maybe not, i wouldn't be able to get out of bed to actually do it anyways, so why worry.

I started thinking more about this after i was bought some vitamin pills. They sat on the nightstand beside my bed, to the left of my water bottle. For some reason i couldn't stop imagining it. What if i swallowed all the pills inside in one sitting? How would it feel as they ran down my throat? Would i take them with water? How long would it take until i pass out?

It was gnawing at me to the point where i had to get out and take them out of my room to get some sleep. If i had had pills sitting that close to me at my lowest point where i couldn't even stand up, would i actually have done it?

I'd say i've gotten better, i don't cry every other night anymore, i can manage to draw and shower everyday, i joke and i laugh and try to ignore the feeling of everyone hating me, but sometimes, on my worst days, my arm tingles, as if in anticipation of a new scar.

Is that enough to be considered trauma? Am i crazy enough yet?