#seriously everyone who left me a message made me feel so loved and happy and i adore you all

[dreamingundone]

Infinite Space

Pairing: Jake “Hangman” Seresin x Female OC Rating/Warnings: No real warnings. Angsty but with a happy ending. Summary: Her life has consisted of work, trying to find her way in the world, and more work. Until he walked through the doors of her bakery. Disclaimer: I don’t own TG:M, Jake, or the lyrics I used for the title and that are at the beginning of the fic, which is from “Infinite Space” by Young Mister. Please don’t repost or translate my work without my permission! Author’s Note: Feeling some type of way about my lack of love life lately. I also read Mixed Signals by B.K. Borison last week and it gave me feelings. So here we are. Hope you enjoy!

Are you listening? Are you sending out a message of your own? Show me some flashing lights Give me a signal I'll be waiting by the window

Baking makes perfect sense to her. It’s scientific, exact measurements that when put together and baked, create something beautiful in the end.

She always thought love was like that too. Two people with the ingredients the other is missing come together, and something beautiful comes out of it. It’s just not been the case for her, ever in her entire life, and it’s something she struggles to make sense of.

It’s not like she’s miserable. She has her friends and her little house that she loves, and her bakery. She spends her days surrounded in a cloud of flour, sugar, and butter, and she makes people happy by giving them birthday cakes, little treats for their friends, and breakfast pastries to brighten up their mornings.

It’s when she leaves for the day that she feels the absence of something to make her feel happy. Her little bungalow, as cozy as it is, starts to feel too quiet sometimes, and if she lets herself think her own thoughts for too long, that emptiness starts to fill her up.

The arrival of the newest Top Gun class keeps her really busy. They come in for sweet treats and coffee and take up space at the tables at the front of the store. There’s whispers about some top-secret mission that no one really knows much about, but also everyone knows about it. It makes her grin. Nothing is ever a secret at Miramar for too long.

She’s in the middle of sliding a tray of mini cinnamon rolls into the oven when the bell over the door chimes, and she frowns, annoyed that someone is coming in this close to closing time.

“We’re–” She turns around and stops, seeing the most bedraggled fighter pilot she’s ever seen standing in her lobby, looking for all the world like he’s been in the air for hours.

“I know you’re about to close, I’m sorry.” He says, dragging a hand across his face. “Any chance you have coffee left? I’ll pay extra for it.”

“Are you okay?” She asks, coming around the counter. She slides out a chair to one of the tables, and he collapses in it gratefully. He looks a little bewildered at her question, like he can’t remember the last time someone asked about his well being.

“I’ll be alright,” he says. “I can go, I’m sorry if I’m–”

“No, I have coffee left. Made a fresh pot a half hour ago. Just let me…” she steps quickly towards the door and locks it, flipping the sign to “closed”. Heading back towards the counter, she grabs a to-go cup and starts pouring, hearing his audible sigh when the coffee steams.

“Long day?” She asks, walking back to the table and setting down the cup.

“You don’t know the half of it.” He says, eyes closing as he inhales the steam. “Seriously, let me pay extra. I don’t mean to keep you.”

She shrugs. “I’ll be here a while longer anyway.”

“Thank you.” He takes a sip, and swallows a groan. She grins. She may be known for her pastries and cakes, but she makes a mean cup of coffee, too. “I’m Jake,” he says, holding out his free hand.

She introduces herself, and shakes his hand. “I’ve seen you here before,” she says, and he nods.

“Anyone who’s been at Miramar long enough knows this is the place to go for breakfast. I think your donuts have single handedly helped me stay in my weight class.” He grins at her now, and it’s such a difference from the man that walked through the door a few moments ago, she’s momentarily blindsided.

“Any reason you’re here in time for dinner, then?” She heads back behind the counter to begin stacking plates for the next day’s morning rush.

He winces. “I’m due back at the base tonight. It’s—” He stops himself, raises an eyebrow. “I really shouldn’t be telling you this.” He stands, and it looks like it takes all his energy to haul himself to his feet. He drains the rest of his coffee in two gulps and sets the mug down on the counter. He starts to dig into his pocket for his wallet, but she waves her hand.

“That one’s on me, Jake.”

And so it goes like that, at least once a week for the next month. Jake comes just before closing to beg for a cup of coffee, and a few times, he scrounges up the leftover pastries to bring back to base with him. He insists he’s not hoarding them all for himself, but really, she doesn’t mind.

Jake is easy to talk to. There’s an alarm bell clanging in her mind every time he leaves, because she knows one day he might not be back at all. He could get deployed, or reassigned, and then where would that leave her?

Right back where she’s been, going home alone at the end of a long day.

They don’t even really know each other besides the basics. She tells herself not to get attached to him, to the way he swaggers in now like he owns the place, that little dimpled smile she’s starting to think is only for her.

He moves from a table to the counter, and watches with his coffee as she preps pastries for the next morning, or does dishes, and he offers a thought here or there about bear claws or croissants or whatever it is she’s trying a recipe for.

In turn, she listens as he complains about work, about the endless training they’re doing for some mission he can’t tell her anything about.

There’s some tension between him and his coworkers that he also doesn’t open up much about, but that’s okay with her. They’re in this little bubble, she and Jake. She bakes, and he samples. They don’t get too deep. She feels like it’s an escape from the rest of her life.

It absolutely aches every time he leaves, and the emptiness she feels when she goes home at night only gets worse. She feels like she’s been waiting forever for a connection like this, and it’s that feeling that makes her hesitant. She’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The next time she sees Jake, he’s tense, his shoulders drawn up and face stoic.

“Jake?”

He doesn’t say anything for a while. She starts to get worried, starts to wonder if it’s finally happening - he’s here to tell her that he’s leaving and he’s not coming back - or worse, going to tell her that he’s been being nice by coming here so often, but that there’s nothing really there between them, and he’s sorry.

“I, uh–” he takes a few steps closer, and when he gets within arm’s reach, he stops, looking at her with an unreadable expression. “You smell like cinnamon.” He smiles, his voice a little rough.

“Occupational hazard.” She replies, smiling.

“I’m being deployed.” He blurts, and he flexes his hands like he’s not sure what to do with the energy running through his veins. “I wanted to tell you, I didn’t want to just disappear…”

Her defense mechanism kicks in right away. “That’s okay,” she says quickly, busying herself by tidying up the counter by the register. “You didn’t have to come by just to tell me that. I mean, we’re not–” she gestures vaguely, not able to meet his eyes.

If she did, she’d see the way he blinks rapidly, taking a small step back, before clearing his throat. “Right.”

She forces a bright smile and looks up, seeing how he’s still standing by the door. “I appreciate you letting me know. I’ll have to stop leaving the coffee pot hot past three in the afternoon, now.”

His answering smile is a little brittle. “Hopefully not forever.” He looks like he wants to say something else, but he just nods at her once. “I won’t keep you. Thanks for… well, for everything. The last few weeks.”

“You’re welcome, Jake.” She says. She wishes she could just open her mouth. She wishes she was brave enough to tell him that she wishes he would ask her out for real, instead of coming by for a cup of coffee and pastry. She wishes she could just say that his company over the last few weeks means more to her than he knows.

She doesn’t.

He leaves.

……………….

What if I never reach you What if I never get to see your face I've been dying to break through I know you're somewhere out there in the infinite space Somewhere out there in the infinite space

Not being picked for the Dagger mission would have been a blow to Jake’s ego on any day, but it’s especially a kick to the gut a week after his last conversation with her.

“We’re not–”

She had said it so quickly, so casually, he was just glad that she hadn’t been looking at him in time to see the way he felt it like a physical blow.

He’s not stupid - he’s not in love with her or anything, but he feels… something. He felt it the minute he came in, hoping the bakery was still open, desperate for a decent cup of coffee to give him the boost he needed to get back to work.

When he looked up and saw her there, it was like a punch right to his chest. She had flour on her cheek and there was the smell of butter and cinnamon in the air, and she asked him if he was okay.

That was all it took, really.

He kept finding excuses to come back, and at first he kept saying it was because he’d never had a neighborhood place, a place where he walked in and they knew his name and his order. This was better. She knows his name, and that he likes his coffee with one sugar and one cream, and sometimes she gives him a free cookie or croissant or asks him to taste something she’s working on.

That’s all it is.

A place where he can go where she doesn’t know him, doesn’t know that everyone calls him Bagman, doesn’t know that he’s a grade A asshole to his friends on a daily basis.

He can be someone else. And the worst part, the part that really makes him wonder where it all went wrong, is that he wants to be someone else. He wants to be better. He wants to be more deserving of that smile he gets from her when she puts that cup of coffee in front of him.

Maybe he read it all wrong. Maybe she was just being nice, humoring the exhausted pilot who kept showing up and mooching her coffee.

He runs a hand over his face, trying to concentrate on the mission specs for tomorrow. Even though he’s the spare for this, he’s determined to be ready for his moment, to prove he’s supposed to be here.

Of course the whole thing goes sideways, because of course it does. His heart is in his throat and he feels helpless the entire time, and finally he just does what he needs to do.

He says fuck it, and he takes off, unable to listen to a second more of everyone else deliberating whether or not they should sit there while Mav and Rooster get killed.

So he goes AWOL, and he does what needs to be done. It’s the first time in a long time that he’s felt he did the right thing, and he can see it in the eyes of all his squadmates.

It makes him feel more like the person he is when he’s around her.

It scared the shit out of him, too - the entire day was one non-stop adrenaline ride.

He wishes he was back in San Diego, wishes he could drive the few miles from base to the bakery, and let her talk him down. She’s always got that smile, and she always smells like chocolate and sugar, and he wishes he wasn’t such an idiot.

He should have asked her out weeks ago, so there wouldn’t have been that awkward moment. At least then he’d be sure he hadn’t just imagined the connection between them, that he wasn’t making it up. He feels like he’s known her for years, and he doesn’t even have her phone number.

He resolves to fix it as soon as they get back, as long as he’s not facing a court martial first.

...............

She wonders how Jake’s deployment is going almost every day. She keeps herself busy, tries not to replay every second of their last interaction in her head, and tries to convince herself she did the right thing.

But the look on his face when she told him not to worry about ghosting her… was there something there?

She feels like she’s been waiting for her person for so long, that it seems impossible that one day he’d just show up out of the blue asking for a cup of coffee. But what if he did?

What if she ruined it by trying to protect herself?

Too busy daydreaming, she groans as she looks down at her ruined bowl of buttercream frosting, moving to the trash can to begin scraping it out. All day she’s been like this, distracted and making mistakes.

She’s watching the clock drift closer to time to go home, and without much else to keep her busy, she’s dreading going home where all she’s going to do is overthink more than she already is.

The chime on the door surprises her, and her heart stutters.

“Any chance you’ve got one of those cinnamon rolls left?” A familiar voice asks.

Her heart lurches. “Jake?”

He looks tired, but his eyes are almost sparkling as he looks at her. “Hey.”

“You’re back.” She blurts, and immediately feels stupid. He’s standing right in front of her. Of course he is. It doesn’t deter him, though. If anything, it only makes him smile wider.

“Before you say anything, I just want to tell you that you were wrong, the last time we talked.”

Her brow furrows. “Wrong?”

“When you said it wouldn’t have mattered if I didn’t let you know I was being deployed.” He takes a few steps closer. “When you said we weren’t…” he trails off, gesturing between the two of them. “I know it’s just been a few weeks, and I know we’ve only had conversations over coffee about non-important stuff.” He ran a hand through his hair, looking like he was struggling to find the right words. He looked up to meet her gaze. “I’d like to take you out, if you’ll let me.”

Everything she’d been feeling over the last few weeks felt like it landed on her shoulders in the moment. She felt the relief of knowing that she wasn’t alone in her feelings. She felt guilty for pushing him away in the first place.

“I think I owe you an apology, Jake.” She says quietly, coming around from behind the counter. “I just… I didn’t know if you were just being nice to me, coming here all those nights. I didn’t want to assume anything. And I didn’t want you to feel obligated when you came back.”

He frowns. “I kept coming here for you, no offense to your coffee.” He takes another step closer, so the tips of their shoes are almost touching. “The cinnamon rolls are a plus.”

She laughs, and his grin widens.

“Is that a yes? You’ll go out with me?”

“Only if you tell me what happened on this not-so-secret top secret mission.”

He rolls his eyes. “Everyone around here is such a gossip. I can’t tell you everything but I can tell you about how I was a hero and saved the day.” His smile is smug.

“Perfect.” She says, and there, in the warm light of her bakery, surrounded by everything she’s ever known, she thinks she’s finally ready to take the leap and see if he’s the one she’s been waiting for, the other half she didn’t know she was missing all these years.

And for once, she’s not scared anymore.

[eunnieboo]

IYHM ask replies!!

also, a current snapshot of my mind:

💛 burrito-puppy asked:

Love to see the progress and art you made along the years! Can’t wait for the release 💕💕💕

thank you so much! 💞💞💞 i can't believe it's less than a week away... i can count the number of days left on one hand! AHHHH

💛 Anonymous asked:

Listen. The way that I too am freaking out! Gah. So excited. Can't wait.

THANK YOU!! every day i wake up and i lose my mind LMAO... the only time i'm calm is when i'm distracted, so i can forget it's actually happening haha!

💛 mickiee-art asked:

Where have you been my entire life?? I love your work so much! So excited for your graphic novel release! 💕🫶🏼

thank you so much omg!! i'm so glad! 🥺💖

💛 tabsters asked:

YOO DUDE ONE OF THE PROTAGONISTS OF YOUR SAPPHIC GRAPHIC NOVEL IS VIETNAMESE??? I'M VIETNAMESE AND BISEXUAL AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME HSAKSHKAHSKAHSKAHSAKJ

AHHHHH i'm so thrilled to hear that!!! i live for these messages HFDSKDJHSK HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY

💛 Anonymous asked:

I just found your art today and after scrolling through your stuff I went and pre-ordered your book. I'm so excited!!

oh you are too kind!! ;_; thank you so much <3

💛 nimona-antifa asked:

WAITTT THE BLACK HAIRED CHARACTER IN IF YOU'LL HAVE ME IS A BUTCH LESBIAN? I THOUGHT IT WAS A DUDE OMG THEY'RE BOTH SO PRETTYYYYY FBFBDGD I'M GAY 💗💗💗 I seriously love your art its always so wholesome

HAHA OMG I LOVE THIS 😂 thank you!!! BUTCH LESBIANS FOREVER AND ALWAYS 💕💕

💛 albedosleftb0otych33k asked:

I don't know how but I only just found out about your graphic novel and OML! I WILL BUY IT THE SECOND IT COMES OUT! Anyways, I love your art and just wanted to tell you ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

omg thank you so much!! you are the sweetest! ( *´ω`*)♡

💛 jeweljupiter asked:

I just wanted to say seeing your art of Momo and PG makes me feel seen and heard I love the poc representation I’m a plus size dark skin nerdy black girl and seeing more women who look like me finding love gives me hope and makes me happy

when i tell you this means everything to me... it means everything to me. thank you forever T_T ❤️

-

i've been so focused on IYHM for the past couple months... now that the pub date is so close, i'm full of giddy anticipation and terrible dread. so thank you everyone for the love and well wishes! it's really getting me through it.

also, i wasn't sure how to announce this so i wanted to mention it while i'm here: Waterstones now has a special sprayed edge edition of IYHM! i got my copy a little while back and it's really gorgeous. if you like paperbacks i think the color is a lovely touch!

and as another reminder, i'll be having an in-person launch event next tuesday with Brick & Mortar Books in Redmond, WA! truthfully i'm torn between my desire to interact with people and my embarrassment at being seen in public, so please feel free to spare yourselves lmao 😭 i wasn't sure i'd do an event at all but i decided to try at least once before deciding if it's for me. so we'll see how it goes!

whew. the 17th is coming up so fast but i still have so many little tasks to do. the last time i talked about my busy schedule on here, someone sent me a message that said "you deserve a spa day," and i think about it all the time. maybe someday, anon. maybe someday...

[young-royals-confessions]

Hello hello, it's anon from the flight! And how lovely it's this fandom that I got a moniker from an anon confession? I've read the messages and checked the reblogs and wow! I seriously didn't expect for my unhinged message to be this welcomed since I'm three years too late to this beautiful show! With this beautiful people and thank you so much to everyone who recommended me to listen to the Simon-not-actually-made-by-AI actor. AND SINGER! BEAUTIFUL AND TALENTED. I'm still in disbelief he's real, like Omar Rudberg is so pretty AND has such a nice voice??? AND HE'S GORGEOUS and he's a great actor and UGH THE CHEMISTRY. With who I now know iis called Edvin and now I feel the need to see them acting next to eachother forever and ever, so much chemistry can't be wasted!! (looking at Netflix. I'm still so crossed I missed out of this beauty for three years wtf Netflix)

SO I binge watched the second season, patience isn't my name, and WHAT THE FUCK. Was not prepared for that rollercoaster. I gotta be honest, I almost stopped watching and went to sleep halfway through the season like ugh I fucking hate that Marcus dude, sure in the end I understand why he was a necessary evil for the plot but I fucking hate love triangles. I was a teenage girl during the height of love triangles in tv shows, I hate them. But I hate August the most. I think of his face and feel enraged.

BUUUUUUUUUUT UGHHHH. THE LOVE BETWEEN SIMON AND WILLE. That overpowered everything. Seriously, how am I supposed to be functional after being a witness to their valentine's ball kiss? And Simon's song? (Which I have been obbsessively listening on repeat WTF I understand nothing but I can feel FEEL the meaning on my bones. This beautiful dude's voice wtf. I can understand Wille's obsession, I'm practically obsessed too now wtf)

AND THE END OHMYGOD. A BALM FOR MY SOUL. I was kind of hoping to get heartbroken AGAin for shit and giggles but noooo, I got the best ending and I'm trying to not be too spoiler-ey since I'm sure I'm not the only human being living in this planet called Earth who's unaware the most perfect TV show exists and it's called Young Royals and beautiful people are in it to everyone taste no matter your sexual orientation (like hello Felice too!)(still shocked Omar Rudberg is a real person and not generated by artificial intelligence, maybe I'll be convinced after some proper sleep time, but for now he's too beautiful to be real. Not even exaggerating and I'm really good at that okay!)

I'm still processing the second season, I took a nap after I finished but I'm still tired since I cried and laughed and was left with the biggest smile in my face (and I also was in an 8 hour flight!) and then went to youtube and saw a clip from season 3 AND OMFG THESE TWO DUDES ARE TOO PRETTY FOR WORDS. Happiness and love look wonderful in Wille, like the literal heart eyes he's delivering there? That's how I feel when I see Simon too. Relatable character is relatable. What can I say about Simon without sounding crazy except I need to protect him at all costs??

I don't know what else to say except THANK YOU for reading me and thank you to everyone who has been nice to me in the comments even when I'm still anon, it means the world to me. I hope I'll be more coherent after eight hours of sleep and I won't be too embarrassed reading my own message tomorrow lmao and I don't know how I'm going to survive until 2024 for season 3, I'm sitting here taking notes for that too! I already know the answer it's fanfics so I'll be checking AO3 but also analysis? Meta? how are you guys for real? I was expecting a teenage fandom with just vibes but I guess I was wrong. And I love it. As much as I love the show and Simon and Wille's relationship and I gotta be honest, Omar Rudberg's face and voice. UGH.

Thank you so much for reading me again and for everyone who has left messages for me, I'll freak out more once I get some proper sleep!

Thank you and I'm sorry again XOXO

YAY thanks for coming back!! 💜💜💜

[profounddefendorcrusade-blog]

this song reminds me of uty

idk how many of y'all remember/know of brother bear 2, but "it will be me" reminds me of this entire game. I'll explain why

*** If you hear a voice in the middle of the night Sayin' it'll be alright It will be me

I just imagine that this would be something Clover would say to Ceroba to reassure her, watching a child die and all (plus, add the guilt of what she had done to Kanako and it feels unbearble). I can mentally picture her lying in her bed in her old home at night and thinking of the day of Clover's sacrifice, crying to herself. But then she remembers that Clover wanted this; they wanted her to be happy again and start over, and Ceroba would smile instead

*** If you feel a hand guiding you along When the path seems wrong It will be me

This message would be for Martlet. The lyrics reminded me of this quote of hers:

Even though she willingly left the royal guard and apologized for being scatterbrained, I feel like Marts would still need more time to gain confidence in her own judgement. And whenever she would feel insecure, she would remember to follow her heart (and not superficial benefits like she used to) just like Clover did. It would bring her comfort

*** There is no mountain that I can't climb For you I'd swim through the rivers of time As you go your way and I go mine A light will shine And it will be me

Clover climbing Mt. Ebott, and, post pacifist, finding small ways to reach out to their friends even after their body is gone. As you go your way and I go mine especially hits hard. Basically the others are going to a new life and a bright future (light), while Clover goes towards death (darkness). And the "light" is their soul, "them"

*** If there is a key that goes to your heart A special part It will be me

How special Clover made Star feel (not like a "nobody" but like an actual sheriff), and how he saw them as the child he never had (based on my hc but it feels pretty canon). These lines can also be talking about the impact Clover had on everyone, but I had to include Clover's impact on Starlo, just like I did their impact on every other main character (minus Axis, sorry buddy, not enough stanzas)

*** If you need a friend Call out to the wind To hold you again It will be me

The first line reminded me of Dalv right off the bat. He'd sure as hell miss his first friend, the one who got him out of his comfort zone

*** Oh how the world seems so unfair Creating a love that can not be shared As you go your way and I go mine A light will shine And it will be me

*** Past the ever after there's a place for two In your tears of laughter I'll be there for you

Clover's message to everyone to keep being happy, to smile and laugh and stick together even after their passing, because that's where Clover will be

*** In the sun and the moon In the land and the sea Look all around you It will be me

Once monsters finally reach the surface and Clover's wish is fulfilled. Enough said

*** There is no mountain that I can't climb For you I'd swim through the rivers of time As you go your way and I go mine A light will shine And it will be me It will be me It will be me...

(nothing I didn't explain already in these last lines, but seriously, I'm making myself bawl again)

[vbecker10]

Loki's Silent Sentry (alt. ending Part 2 - final)

Part 1

Alt. ending Part 1 is meant to be read after part 2, instead of the original parts 3 - 7

**Seriously please do not read this without reading the trigger warnings**

TW: death of a main character (if you message me I will tell you who in case that will change if you read this or not), mourning the loss of a loved one, loss of a family member, having to mourn in secret, depression, feeling alone, brief mentions of previous loss of parents, inability to move on, guilt

(Please let me know if I missed anything and I will add it)

A/N: I wrote the fluffy, happy ending for this story but I got this song (tagged below) stuck in my head and it felt like a really tragic way to end this story. The idea just kept getting more depressing and heartbreaking so I had to write it. I understand this is not for everyone, it's not even something I would usually read.

Please, please do not feel the need to read this because we are mutuals or because you read the happy ending version. I will absolutely not be offended if you skip it.

...Last chance to turn back lol 🫣

You walk through the common room of the soldier's quarters, your head down as you desperately try to escape to your room. Several people congratulate you on receiving your award this morning and you nod vaguely to each as you pass by.

Slamming closed the door to your room, you rest your back against the wood and close your eyes as you breathe deeply. Your fists clench as your mind replays the king's words of praise. Heroic, brave, loyal, dutiful, all the things a good soldier should be you were but you were still not enough to save the one person on Asgard who mattered to you.

You reach for your chest and your fingers brush against the cold medal Odin pinned to you. Opening your eyes, you rip the medal from your uniform and throw it across your room. You pay no attention to where it lands, you want it as far from you as possible.

You pull the end of the black fabric tied around your arm and let it fall to the floor as you walk to your bed and sit down heavily. You bend down to pry off your heavy boots and when you sit up your eyes catch the painting of your parents that you keep next to your bedside.

Picking up the small frame, your fingers trace their faces slowly. Your father has been gone for nearly ten years, his life given defending the Bifrost from a Jotun attack. Your mother was killed while protecting the queen's father when you were still a child. You hold the picture tightly to your chest. Your mother and father, your grandfathers, three of your aunts, your uncle, your cousins... you slowly list the members of your family who gave their lives in service to the crown and the realm.

You slowly lower the picture to your bed as the thoughts that haunted you before you met Loki returned. You are once again completely alone in this world. No family, no true friends, no one to love and to love you in return. Loki was the only person you were able to connect with in recent years and he knew you were terrified of being alone, of being the last one left. He promised he would always be with you, that he would never leave you alone but you made him break that promise when you failed to save him.

You get up from the bed and walk angrily across the room. You swipe everything off the top of your dresser as you scream. Glass bottles shatter and items slam to the ground around you. You are not a hero, you are not brave, you did not do your duty. You move to your small bookshelf and grab the books by the handful, throwing them to the floor, crying tears of anger and regret and guilt and pain. You should have died protecting Loki, you should have died in his place. He should be alive, your mind screams as you pick up a small metal box you keep on your desk and throw it against a wall.

You stop suddenly as dozens of folded notes spill out of the broken box, walking towards the pile slowly you wipe away your tears with the back of you hand. You sit on the ground next to the pile and pick up one of the pieces of paper which fell out. The one you picked is still neatly folded, not like the others you've opened and refolded after having read them over and over. This is the note Loki passed to you shortly before his death, you have not been able to force yourself to read it. You hold it tightly to your chest and try to hear his voice but all you can hear is your own.

You lost the love of your life and you will be alone forever. Loki is gone and it is your fault.

You stand next to Captain Skye as Commandant Thorn prepares to read the charges for Loki's former sentry. Odin sits on his throne and Thor is seated next to him, the queen is not in attendance this afternoon. Only selected council members are present and a handful of soldiers, all captain or higher except for you.

The private kneels in the center of the room, a guard from the dungeons on either side of him. His hands are bound behind his back and he hangs his head low.

You force yourself not to look at him, to keep your eyes straight ahead and your expression emotionless. Last night you visited him in the dungeon and agreed to speak on his behalf even though you know it will have no effect on the outcome. Your captain informed you that he is going to be made an example of. Regardless of his low rank and lack of experience, his one duty above all else, was to keep Loki safe and he failed to do so.

You feel a pit grow in your stomach as a member of the council motions for you to come forward. Your heart pounds as you take your place next to him, he looks up at you and you can see how lost he is. A part of you wishes you could place the blame solely on him for Loki's death. If he had done his duty, Loki would be alive but you can't. You know in your heart that he had been purposefully selected because of Loki's desire to see you.

You take a breath to steady yourself. "It is my professional opinion as a lieutenant in the royal guard that Private Rok is far too young and inexperienced to have been allowed to guard Prince Loki. There is no doubt or argument that he did not follow his training or his duty but he is only one month out of the academy. There is a reason sentries are meant to spend their first year after training shadowing more senior sentries. It is so they can understand the enormous responsibility that comes with being a sentry. Guarding a royal or council member is more than silently following them around the palace. A sentry must truly be willing to lay their life down for the person they are protecting and unfortunately Private Rok was not willing or ready to do so," you look at Odin as you speak.

Odin sits back in his throne and asks, "Who is responsible for assigning this soldier to Prince Loki so soon after completing his training?"

The room is silent until you realize he is asking you. "Prince Loki requested him," you answer but give no further explanation. The last thing you want to do is make it seem as if you are attempting to say Loki's death was his own fault.

Odin nods and is quiet for a moment, the whole room waits for him to speak again. He motions for you to return to your place next to Captain Skye then he stands. You hold your breath as he sentences the young man to fifty years in the dungeons.

Two days later, you open your eyes to the sound of the morning bells. Loki's funeral is at sunset, you remind yourself as you sit up. You throw off your sheets but you can't find the strength to stand, you've cried it all out. Sitting motionless, you look around your room and sigh as you flex your bandaged hand. You had cleaned everything yesterday and cut yourself more than once on broken pieces of glass. The black tie and medal you "earned" sit next to the painting of your parents, waiting for you to put them back on.

Forcing yourself up, you take a few steps from the bed and go still when someone knocks on your door. You have no idea who it could be, the soldiers you live with have all giving you their condolences for the prince and congratulations on your award. There was no one left who would wish to see you.

You shake your head and decide to ignore whoever it is in the hopes that they will go away, you do not have the mental capacity for small talk today.

After a few moments there is another knock and you suddenly realize how quiet it is. The drone of constant talking and laughing that radiates from the common room is gone. Even at night, there is always chatter as the shifts vary greatly, someone is always awake.

You take a deep breath to steady your nerves and open the door. Your heart stops as you come face to face with the queen. You are so shocked you freeze, forgetting to bow or greet her or even blink it seems.

Her new sentry stands just to the side of her and says, "The queen would like to speak with you, Lieutenant Y/L/N."

Your heart aches at the thought of inviting the queen inside your private space, Loki had never been to your room before. There was never a chance for you to show him the book where you pressed the flowers he gave you or sleep with him on your bed so your sheets smelled like him. He hadn't seen the painting of your parents or your childhood stuffed animal. There were so many things you still wanted to share with him but you would never be able to now.

You shake away your thoughts and step out of the way so she can enter, her sentry remains outside. Closing the door behind her, you keep your eyes down and take a few steps away from her. You are terrified to be near her, afraid she blames you for Loki's death as much as you blame yourself.

"Y/N," she says softly and you look up slowly to meet her eyes.

She looks as distraught as you feel and without thinking, you begin to apologize, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-."

She moves quickly and wraps you in a tight hug, cutting off your words. You break down as soon as you are in her arms, she is the first person who has hugged you since Loki passed. Unable to hold back your tears any longer, you cling to Loki's mother while you shake from the force of your sobs.

When you finally let go of her, you wipe your eyes and apologize again, "I'm sorry your highness, I-"

"Shh," she pulls you back into her arms. "You have done nothing to be sorry for," she says quietly and you nod but you don't believe her. She takes your hand and leads you back to your bed, sitting on the edge she motions for you to join her.

"This was not your fault, Y/N," she tells you as you sit close to her.

"I know but..." you want to believe her.

"I don't blame you and you know Loki doesn't either," she says and you look up at her.

"I just... I need you to know I really tried. I tried so hard but I just... I couldn't get to him fast enough. I couldn't find him. I wanted to, I needed to save him but I couldn't," you try to wipe your eyes but the tears come to quickly. "I know my duty was to protect you and everyone calls me a hero because I did but..." the thought that haunted you at night slips free. "I didn't save your son, how could I be a hero? He died because I failed."

She pulls you into her arms and rubs your back lightly. "The outcome does not make you a hero, your actions do. I have never doubted that you did everything you could to bring my son back to us," she says softly. You nod and she adds, "He would never want you to let this eat away at your beautiful spirit."

You look up at her and rub your face with the back of your hand. "I know how much Loki loved you and how happy you made each other," she says, her eyes full of tears but she smiles. "He told me so many wonderful things about you and his hopes for your future together. You truly were his whole world."

"And he was mine," you tell her, your heart aching at the knowledge that he told his mother he was planning a life with you.

You take her hand, "Loki, told me how lucky he felt to have you as his mother. He said you were always there for him." She smiles as tears roll down her cheeks. "I want you to know how much he and I appreciated all of your help after the ball. I never... I never thanked you for giving me that extra time with him on Sundays. I cherished every second we had together but I wish we had more time. I would give anything for just one more day with him."

"So would I," she agrees.

You sit together in silence for a moment then she says, "There is a reason I wanted to see you this morning." She wipes her eyes and clears her throat before giving you the best smile she can gather in the moment.

She reaches into a pocket on her black gown and takes out a small golden box with a snake etched into the top. "Loki would have wanted you to have this," she offers it to you.

You shake your head no, your heart sinking as you open the box. A thin gold band with diamonds around a large emerald sits on a dark green piece of velvet. You touch the ring slowly, running your fingers over each gem then you close the box quickly as you feel your head spinning.

You look up at her and she is holding a folded piece of parchment paper. She sighs deeply and looks at the paper without unfolding it, running her fingers along the crease, "He figured out how to bypass the marriage law..."

You look from Frigga to the box in your hands and find it hard to breathe as she talks. Your hands shake as you hold the box tighter.

"He was going to propose during the Harvest Festival next month..." she says. "He wanted to do it in front of all of Asgard so no one would ever question how in love you two were."

Your heart shatters at hearing how close you were to being Loki's. One more month and the two of you would have had your happily ever after. You open the box again slowly and take the ring out, you slip it halfway onto your finger and stop. You whisper no and you begin to take it off but Frigga puts her hand over yours.

"You should wear it," she says, "And you should be with his family tonight."

"I can't..." you look down. "I'm supposed to be on guard during the procession," you explain but she shakes her head.

"You will walk with us," she says simply. "It is what Loki would have wanted."

"But the king said I'm not to mourn him in public, it would be..." you worry about his reaction to seeing you at the funeral.

"Leave the king to me," she says in a determined voice. You can't help but smile a little when you remember Loki once telling you that Odin may rule Asgard but Frigga ruled Odin.

"You are not just a soldier. Odin and the council may try to deny it, but you were not just his sentry nor even his friend," she sighs deeply and takes your hand again. "You should have been allowed to be his wife, Y/N. It is what you both wanted and deserved. I'm sorry these idiotic political issues kept you two apart while he was alive but I refuse to let anything stand in the way of you grieving him the way you should."

You can barely believe what you are hearing and you are at a loss for words.

Loki's body is dressed in full armor with his horned crown, his favorite daggers crossed over his chest as he rests in a wooden boat, surrounded by flowers from the garden he shared with his mother. The king and queen walk a few steps behind as the boat slowly floats towards the water. Civilians, council members and soldiers line either side of the long path, heads hung in respect and mourning. You walk next to Thor, your black gown flowing around you gently in the light breeze, your hands folded tightly together so you can feel the ring he wanted to give you. Tears stream steadily down your cheeks but you hold your head high and continue on.

The dark water ahead grows closer and when you see the mist from the falls beyond, your feet refuse to walk any further causing you to stumble. A hand reaches out and catches before you fall.

"I have you," Thor assures you, tears in his eyes as you take his arm for support.

"Thank you Thor," you look away as he fails to hold back the first of many tears. "I'm sorry you lost your brother."

He nods quietly and walks with you a few more paces before he says, "I'm sorry sister. I had not known how much you meant to Loki, I never would have treated so you poorly if I knew the truth. I only ever wanted my little brother to find peace and happiness. It seems as if he had found both with you."

You grip his arm tighter as the boat gently slips into the water, guided forward by Odin's magic. Odin halts a few feet from the edge of the water but Frigga continues to follow the boat until the hem of her dress becomes wet from the soft waves. Thor leaves you so he can stand with his father but you follow the queen. You cannot bear the thought that this is as close to Loki as you will ever be again. You want to follow him out into the water and over the falls to his life after this world.

All of Asgard watches in silence as Loki's body floats across the water in the wooden boat. Odin taps his scepter once on the sandy shore and the sound echos, somewhere behind you a single archer let's loose a flaming arrow and your heart stops. The boat catches instantly and your knees give out as he draws closer to the edge of the great falls.

You hit the ground hard and watch from your knees, tears streaming down your cheeks as the boat vanishes from view. Loki's spirit is set free, hundreds of beautiful green orbs float towards the sky above. You watch until the last light fades into the stars and cover your face with your hands to quiet your pained scream.

A few days after Loki's funeral, you accepted the queen's request to return as her sentry. Over the last month, you have force yourself to rejoin the world around you but inside you feel as if you are still drowning in your grief.

Every second you stand alone in silence outside of the queen's office is spent reliving past conversations with Loki. Each hallway you walk down holds a memory from your time spent following him as his sentry. The winding staircases where he held your hand secretly or stole a kiss when no one was around cause your chest to ache. You can't breath inside the palace, the very air reminds you of him.

Today is Sunday, a day you used to look forward to above all others, a day where you were once able to show Loki your love for him and feel his love for you. The queen opens her door and steps out, there is no need for her to tell you where you are going. You already know the destination.

You follow Loki's mother into the garden and a wave of emotions hit you so hard you find it hard to breathe. Every Sunday since Loki passed, you have taken his place beside her although it pains you both greatly.

You walk next to her slowly as she recounts stories from her son's childhood and teen years. You can hear the heartache in her voice as she corrects herself each time she speaks about Loki as if he still here. The stories vary over time, some are funny while others are seemingly random memories with no true focal point.

You listen to each story but you are simply performing for the queen, you smile and laugh at all the right moments but you have lost your ability to feel joy. Your eyes scan the garden while she talks as if Loki might somehow appear on the path ahead. As if he could be hiding behind every tree or tall hedge even though you know you will never see him again. The garden has become one more place on Asgard where Loki haunts you.

As you leave the garden, you both pause next to a tall, full rose bush with flowers that are marbled green and white. She touches the petals gently and takes your hand.

You stand at the top of the stairs and think about the nightmare that awaits you if you return to your room. Your sleep has been stolen by a single reoccurring dream every night for the last month. Smoke and ash cloud your vision, you feel heat burning your skin as the flames surrounding you grow steadily closer. The roar of the fire drowns out your screams for Loki and you always wake up suddenly to the same sound, the cry Loki's mother let out when she found him in your arms.

"Loki would have loved these," you tell her with another practiced smile.

She conjured them in honor of Loki after she spoke to your on the morning of his funeral. She gives you a hug and tells you that your are dismissed for the night. You nod and turn, leaving her to watch the sunset alone.

My beautiful Y/N,

You had decided tonight would be different, you were not returning to your room. You turn down the long dark hallway to your left, to the office where Loki had created a duplicate of his chambers using his magic.

Lighting a single candle, you take off your armor slowly and sit on the worn out couch. The cushions are flat and the legs are uneven but you are not worried about being comfortable, not tonight. All you want is to be somewhere you used to share with Loki. His office and chambers had both been sealed upon his death but even if they were not, you doubt you could bring itself to go in either.

You close your eyes for a moment to stay yourself then take out the note he gave you just before his death. You take a deep breath and open it for the first time.

I miss you more than I can put into words, I cannot wait until I have you in my arms again. I promised you that I would find a way for you to be mine forever and I think I finally have. We will be together soon and I will never let you go. I love you more than anything in the nine realms.

Love always, Loki

You fold the note carefully and hold it to your chest as you lay down. The tears you have kept locked away all day run down your cheeks. Wiping the tears from your eyes, you catch a glimpse of the ring he would be giving you at the Harvest Festival tomorrow if he were still alive.

You close your eyes and imagine Loki down on one knee in front of all of Asgard professing his love for you. You cry with joy and jump into his waiting arms, telling him you love him as you kiss him over and over.

The images fade and you roll over to face the back of the couch. You sniffle, wiping your eyes again and decide you will soon be with Loki forever. Tomorrow, before the festival, you are going to tell the queen you are leaving Asgard. You have made the decision to be sent to the front line of the ever raging war on Jotunheim.

If the Gods are good, you will meet Loki and your family in Valhalla before long.

This is the song that inspired me, if you listen to the end you will see why. Again... I'm sorry to everyone who reads this that I hurt you but I just needed to get this story out of my head. If you want the happy ending version please read the original part 3 (linked at the top) 💙💙

If you did like this, please like, comment and share! Thanks! 💚💚

@siconetribal @soubi001 @lulubelle814 @newtomofgods @lokiswife-dark-fox-queen

[she-elf4]

Tired

Klink looked in the mirror. The face that looked back at him looked exhausted, dark circles under dead eyes, sunken cheeks, pinched, joyless mouth. He could remember being full of life, once. What a horrid transformation. He'd tried to get out of Stalag 13 several times. Surely, someone as incomptent as he seemed to be should be forcibly retired? But no, no luck. He'd also tried to get out of this damn war. No luck there, either. Not even the Russian Front would have him! Before that had been the Great Depression, and the Great War before that. Even though his childhood had been difficult, he'd still been happy, full of joy. He'd had his younger brother and stepmother to lean on, people who loved him. Who did he have now? Nobody, everyone was gone. 

His musings were cut short by Hogan entering the room in his usual loud, complaining manner. For a momen, Klink hated the man. While he couldn't always keep up with Hogan's schemes, thanks to the Great War, he was well aware of the manipulations. Klink was so tired of being conned and tricked. Klink heard himself answering Hogan's latest complaint on a completely pre-recorded audio, without even needing to bother listening too closely. His attention thus free, he noticed that Hogan looked nearly as bad as he, himself, did. Klink found himself asking, "Hogan, are you alright?" Maybe he really should pay attention to what he was saying. 

That stopped whatever Hogan had been saying short. "What?" he asked, lapsing into silence. 

On the other hand, Klink considered, maybe he should try speaking without thinking more often. It wasn't very often he left Hogan speechless. "You look horribly tired. Are you getting enough sleep?" 

Hogan just stared at him for a second. "You don't look too good yourself." The perfect non-answere.

Klink rolled his eyes. "Seriously, you look half dead. Sit down, I'll make some coffee." Not waiting for an answere, he bustled around, getting the coffee pot and boiling the water on the stove. He came back a few minutes later, his fancy coffee set balanced on a tray. He set it down on the coffee table. Hogan gave a start out of a doze. 

"Jeez, didn't mean to doze off like that. I guess I really am tired," Hogan mused as he reached for a cup. "Must be all that late-night tunnel digging." 

Klink rolled his eyes again at the old non-joke as he settled beside Hogan on the couch. "No tunnel-digging, do not even think of it." Not that that had ever made a difference. They were both trapped here, all the same. 

"Wouldn't dream of it, Kommandant. If I escape, you'll be the first to know, I'll call you from the states." The old joke rolled off Hogan's tongue, sounding like he was on his own pre-recorded message. 

"Don't call me, just take me with you. I'm tired of this stupid war," Klink said, feeling the fatigue down to his bones. 

Hogan glanced over at him, a hint of his trademark mischievous smile on his face. "Aaaw, don't worry, Klink, I won't leave you behind." He threw an arm around Klink. Thirty seconds later, Klink felt Hogan's head hit his shoulder. As he settled in, he mused that maybe, things weren't so bad after all. Hogan might be a manipulative prick, but he did care about people. After all, they were in this together. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hogan slowly opened his eyes. He found himself under a blanket, laying on a particularly hard pillow. One wild moment later, he realised it was Klink. He stared, confused, for several long seconds before his brain finally sent over some vague memories of coming to the Kommandantur. Was it earlier today? Yesterday? He wasn't sure, couldn't see the window. He'd been on a particularly difficult mission, one that had taken three days. Three days of no sleep, though he'd switched out men half way through. No point in all of them dying from exhaustion. This was all on top of a grueling month. The war was heating up, and consequently, so was their operation. 

The last thing he clearly remembered was losing his temper at LeBeau and Newkirk, who'd been squabbling most of the day. Someone had given a teasing, "You're a monster." For whatever reason, that had hit home. Hogan had never wanted to be so manipulative, even though he had a knack for riling people up. He'd never wanted to be so loose with his morals. Thanks to this war, he'd transformed into a version of himself he couldn't recognise, and he hated it. He'd left with a vague excuse about Klink, stumbling across the compound to the Kommandantur. 

Finally, his sleep-addled brain supplied the rest of the sequence; Klink surprising Hogan with his perfectly genuine concern, and telling him he was tired of war. It was a good reminder, really, people like Klink was the reason he was doing all of this. He spent so much of his time taking care of Klink, it was nice to have it reciprocated once in a while. With that thought, Hogan settled back down and dosed off again.

[kissmetwicekissmedeadly]

HELLO AGAIN EVERYONE my tummy aches but im being brave about it and im going to fight the pain with the power of love and friendship (aka im going to thank you for the christmas tree messages)

okay let me be emotional for a moment...

because of the current circumstances at home, this Christmas was very different and much lonelier for me. i did my best not to get the blues and i think it was okay for the most part! now looking back at it, without a doubt, the highlight of my Christmas this year was reading the tree messages. it was very late in the night, i had just finished reading Napo's story event route and i saved the best part for desert, barely containing my excitement to finally read the messages. and i expected just a row of "merry christmas"-es 😭 you know, because, i did that? i kept mine all short and i was just shouting some wishes at you.... BUT NO, YOU OUTDID YOURSELVES IN TURN! WHAT WAS THAT! i was right there sobbing in my bed being all "?????" .... i seriously didn't expect 1) to have so many because i did the tree very last minute 2) to receive such sweet messages...

and then i realized, was my Christmas really all that lonely? because, just 3-4 years ago, i didn't know any of you here. before that i never was more than a lurker in online spaces so... i think that's when i had truly lonely christmases, not now. thank you for being here. i don't deserve you... no im sorry if you hate it when i say that, pretend that i didnt say it ( i lowkey think that) (im sorry im in my low self esteem era these past months)

OKAY SO

thank you person called Bread, thank you Lorei for being the first sob of my sob session, it's all YOUR fault that i got so emotional oh my god im totally dm-ing you after this, thank you irl bestie who not only left me a sweet personal message but also roleplayed my faves for me because i screamed (you heard it), thank you kat for your three messages that made me feel all kind of emotions (im touched that youre willing to write this even if i feel like im going to hate it), THANK YOU NINNI HUGS BACK!, thank you Ally i know it was you. using roy to threaten me with a good time.... smh... MERRY CRIMMY SCUM!!!!, YAY TO YOU TOO, SOLACE!! Thank you aqua, you're right, he's good to me 🥺 just as chev is to you, i believe! THANK YOU DREW im still thinking about it. Thank you Fang, I could say the same and you know it 🥺, THANK YOU DEVON!! Thank you so much Ana, I too hope the same, I'm glad I became your mutual! 🥹 Same goes to you too, Oliver! I'm just always so happy to see new faces around, truth is im a little bit shy with interactions at first because i feel annoying... so thank you for becoming my moot! 🙇🏻‍♀️💗 Thank you, sweet Julie 🥹 THANK YOY MYARA, I CRIED A LITTLE! right back at ya, i think that you're an irreplaceable part of our little space and im just so glad to be here and see everything you do and share with us! hope your 2024 is full of joy both on here and irl ❤ Thank you mimi, i feel the same and you better not forget that! Thank you Michelle, love you too!!! THANK YOU, NAMI! Thank you, Impromptu!!!!! Thank you Nori!!!!!!!!! And thank you sui you're so right as ever. nods.

i think thats all im so sorry if i forgot anyone ALSO im so sorry for doing this. i tried to keep my responses vague in case you wanted these to be extra private... i initially was going to dm all of you but. that was because i thought there were going to be like 10 of you!!! again im sorry. love you all so much im an emotional wreck

i hope you had a good time these past few days and i hope we can all look forward to a great 2024 together 🥺 i'd be nowhere without you

@lorei-writes @yanderepuck @claviscollections @yarnnerdally @scummy-writes @aquagirl1978 @ikemendrew @fang-and-feather @devonares @bicayaya @olivermorningstar @queengiuliettafirstlady @keithsandwich @mimi-but-main @xbalayage @namine-somebodies-nobody @the12thnightproject @mcwentfandomtraveling @leonscape

[heart-of-the-morningstar]

I HAVE RETURNED FROM THE FNAF MOVIE AND I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS

✨ Non-spoiler section ✨

I had such a fun time with this movie! There were a ton of Easter eggs I caught and I’m sure there’s a few that I missed! My best advice for anyone wanting to see this movie is don’t take it super seriously, you’ll enjoy it more! The makers of this film weren’t lying when they said that they made this movie for the fans, I do feel like fans will enjoy this movie way more than a general audience and that’s perfectly fine! It’s campy at some parts and funnier than I thought it would be, but that’s what made it so fun! Now for the nitty-gritty…

❌ SPOILERS BELOW ❌

What I liked…

• First off, Matthew Patrick is a fucking LIAR! He does have a cameo in the movie, he says his iconic “That’s just a theory” line which was great! He’s a waiter at a diner, which leads me to my next point

• The diner was named “Sparky’s”, which I feel like only OG fans will get the reference. But for those of you who don’t know, back when FNAF 1 came out, there was a rumor of a secret/rare animatronic in the game called Sparky the Dog. There was a fake image floating around showing him standing in the door to parts and service. This was later confirmed to be fake. BUT! In the movie they also have a dog-looking animatronic in the parts and service room which absolutely took me out lol

• Acting was great! Everyone was fun to watch, Josh Hutcherson was a great lead as Mike and Piper Rubio was so sweet as Abby but I gotta give my props to Matthew Lillard towards the end of the movie, he looked like he was having so much fun being this unhinged monster! Speaking of…

• There is a spring lock scene!! It is real!! And God was it cathartic to watch! Obviously being PG-13, they couldn’t do blood and guts galore, but I think they managed to pull it off pretty well! Afton’s scene was definitely my favorite in the film hands down! And yes, he gets his “I always come back” line which put 5 years back on my life if I’m being honest lmao

• There is blood in this movie! Not a gratuitous amount, but it was enough for what they were going for I think! The kills of the people breaking to Freddy’s were more entertaining to watch than I thought! Especially Freddy’s kill…that caught me completely off guard lmao

• There aren’t too many jumpscares but that was fine with me! They do this repeat jumpscare with a little figurine of Balloon Boy like 3 times and I thought it was funny every time! They do a really good job with tension in this movie!

• The animatronics!!!! LOVED THEM!!!! They were so detailed and well designed, they were so fun to watch!! The Jim Henson company did an absolutely stellar job with the designs, I want to hug them 🥺

• So the story…I thought it was fine! They do stray from canon by making Vanessa Afton’s daughter in the movie instead of Mike being his son. They do confirm Afton was the one who kidnapped and killed Mike’s brother Garrett. The story is kind of left open ended as if they could continue the story (which I hope they do), but I think it leaves a more or less satisfying ending!

• There’s a minor mid-credit scene with Cory Kenshin and a secret message at the very end of the credits. I couldn’t hear it well but it’s spelled-out letters exactly like the ones from the death minigames in FNAF 2

• Yes, The Living Tombstone’s FNAF song is in the end credits, I felt my soul leave my body 😭

Minor Negatives…

• The story is slow at the beginning, it takes a little bit for anything super interesting to take place

• There are some plot points that don’t get explained or resolved (which is par for the course for FNAF) but that leads me to believe that they want to make sequels which I am all here for

• The Aunt Jane character wasn’t super important, she was fine, but she was there just to serve as an antagonist to Mike for a whole 5 minutes of the movie, if that

• I wanted so much more Afton/Spring Bonnie time, it was too short for me but I am happy with what I got. Also, he didn’t wear any purple in the movie which I think is a crime 😂

• Kind of wish there was an R rated version of this movie even though FNAF isn’t known for being bloody and gory, but some parts felt a little tame

• Also please correct me if I’m wrong but, they didn’t use the Toreador March music at all?? If I missed it, please tell me but I was waiting to hear it and it never came from what I remember

Speculation…

• So the biggest plot issue for me was that they never explained Afton’s intentions for killing. I think fans of the games know why he’s killing, but the general audience won’t. I’m sure it has something to do with the saw blade machine that tries to stuff your head into Freddy’s head. But it wasn’t clear. Vanessa never gave us a straight answer either even though she was in on it from the beginning.

• Towards the beginning of the movie, Abby is shown to be talking to her “invisible friend”, this is before Mike is hired as Freddy’s security guard. Turns out that friend is the ghost kid who possess Golden Freddy/Fredbear (again, isn’t clear lol). I wanna know why that kid showed up before Mike and Abby even went to the location??

• I may be reading too much into this, but when Mike goes in to get a new job after being fired from his mall security guard job, he’s talking to “Steve” and Steve does something interesting. He’s berating him for his inability to hold down a job, the he looks at his name on the file and just goes “…Mike S…” and just, doesn’t finish saying his name. He looks at Mike really weird like he’s trying to find something, and then just completely changes the subject. IDK, I’ll probably have to watch it again, and I think it would be a stretch to go the “Mike Afton” route especially since they established Vanessa was his kid. But ya never know with FNAF 😂

• Also the secret message that was spelled out at the end of the credits. If any of y’all know what they spelled, please tell me because I could not figure it out! I would love to know what it said!

Conclusion…

I just had a blast with this movie! I wasn’t sure what to expect with this movie but I think Blumhouse and everyone who worked on this movie did an amazing job, you can tell they put so much heart and soul into this! I will patiently be awaiting the announcement of the next movie until then!

Rating - 8.5/10

[simmerdowndee]

a windenburg years special : the interview

Hi everyone! Its me (Dee) and I am so happy to be here with my favorite couple, Dakota and Theo.

Dee: How are you guys?

Dakota: Good. Really good. Thank you for having us!

Theo: And creating us. Dakota: *Laughs*

Dee: You guys are legit my favorite sim couple I’ve ever had.

Dakota: Oh stop.

Dee: Seriously. I am enamored with your story. I don’t want it to ever end.

Theo: Well, you created most of it.

Dee: But you and Dakota’s actions and behaviors helped guide me.

Dee: I have a few questions for the readers and you guys can answer them anyway you’d like!

Dee: Take me back to when you guys first met. How did that moment feel?

Dakota: I had no idea I was going to bump into my future husband, I know that much.

Dee: *Laughs*

Dee: Is there anything about that day that either of you have never mentioned?

Dakota: Funny enough, I bumped into Theo because I was texting a guy I met over the summer. Theo: Really? Dakota: That was actually the last text message he ever got because from that point I was hyper focused on you.

Dee: That’s so cute.

Dee: Theo?

Theo: I actually saw her coming down the hallway, not paying attention. I kinda let you bump into me on purpose, because I thought you were cute.

Dee: Awhh.

Dakota: Seriously?? Theo: Mhm. Dakota: You couldn’t just stop me babe? Theo: I thought it would be more entertaining. Dakota: Well, I’m glad you did. I can’t imagine my life without you.

Dee: So sweet.

Dee: Who do you think really fell first?

Theo: Definitely Dakota. Dakota: You think so?? Theo: Yes, but I wasn’t too far behind you.

Dee: Do you remember the exact moment you fell in love, Dakota?

Dakota: Homecoming. I was so excited he decided to go, and with me at that.

Dakota: That was our first kiss. Theo: It was. I remember I was so nervous to ask you. Dakota: It was a good kiss too. Theo: I mean, when I have ever been bad at kissing? Dakota: Alrighty, next question please.

Dee: *Laughs*

Dee: Lets fast forward to university.

Theo: Oh boy.

Dee: You knew it was coming, don’t act shocked!

Dakota: *Laughs*

Dee: Lets start light. Overall, did you enjoy it?

Dakota: I feel that’s a loaded question *Laughs*. Theo: Overall, I would say yes. Uni is a one-of-a-kind experience.

Dee: Especially with you guys.

Dakota: Yes, especially with us. Dakota: I would say I enjoyed it for the most part.

Dee: Is there ANYTHING you’d change about it?

Theo: I think you know the answer to that.

Dee: *Laughs*

Dakota: Oh, oh! I would have ignored that career fair for sure. Theo: *Laughs*

Dee: You guys’ mind if we go into that period of your relationship?

Dakota: I think we should be okay. Theo: Let’s do it.

Dee: Theo, when did you realize you may have made the wrong choice?

Theo: To leave or breakup?

Dee: Both.

Theo: *Deep sigh* Immediately after we broke up and I left her apartment, I regretted it. There was something in the back of my head telling me prior we wouldn’t have a good relationship long distance. The minute I walked out the door, I said to myself I shouldn’t have done that. It was stupid.

Dee: So, had you tried long-distance, would you still regret leaving?

Theo: Yes, absolutely.

Dee: Why?

Theo: Because regardless of us being together, I still would want to see her, touch her, hold her. Dakota: Awh, babe.

Dee: Your turn, miss Dakota.

Dakota: Oh hell.

Dee: Let’s talk about Noah.

Dee: Wait. Theo, are you okay with this, or should you leave for a second?

Theo: I’m good.

Dee: Good. I figured you would be.

Dee: What made you decide to give Noah a chance?

Dakota: Well, we were already really close, and I knew he was a safe option. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me…

Dee: Are you content with the way things ended with him?

Dakota: I think we ended the best way we could. Had Theo came back, it would have most likely become a messy love triangle and I do not have time for that.

Dee: Okay, okay. Let’s move slightly forward to Tomarang.

Dee: Dakota, what went through your head when you saw Theo walk in?

Dakota: Okay, if we’re being honest… at first I was slightly excited. Then I got sad, confused, and angry all at once. I was happy to finally see him physically again, but also pissed because he just popped up out of the blue like nothing happened.

Dee: Theo?

Theo: I was so damn nervous. I feared she hated me. When she let me hug her, I knew I had a chance to fix it.

Theo: I’ll never be able to thank Noah enough for calling me.

Dee: How did it feel when you finally got back together?

Dakota: It was like the dark, dreary cloud that had made its home above me cleared out.

Theo: I felt like myself again. Everything felt normal.

Dee: I meant to ask this earlier, how did your parents take it when you broke up?

Theo: My mom was so pissed. I remember the verbal assault she gave me to this day. Dakota: *Laughs* Dakota: My dad wasn’t actually upset with Theo. He felt maybe it was needed for the time. Dakota: But also, my dad might be Theo’s biggest stan. He can do no wrong in his eyes. *Eye Roll*

Dee: *Laughs*

Dee: Theo, you seem to attract women everywhere you go.

Theo: Oh boy. Theo: I really don’t know why…. I don’t think I’m that good looking….

Dee: Sir.

Dakota: Now you know that’s a damn lie.

Dee. Just boldface lying.

Theo: Hey, hey okay. My bad.

Dee: Dakota, can I ask about her….?

Dakota: Of course.

Dee: Why Ana?

Theo: She was the only woman I was comfortable with here, and I thought maybe moving on would help. Clearly that wasn’t the case and it just made it worse. I wasted her time, and mine. Theo: The crazy thing is, I was going to call Dakota that night to talk. I ended up going out instead. I should have gone with my gut and stayed home….

Dee: But it all worked out, right?

Theo: Yeah, it did. Thank god.

Dee: Eh, you don’t have to call me that.

Dakota: *Laughs*

Dee: Last couple of questions.

Dee: Do you like living in Windenburg more or back home in Copperdale?

Dakota: It took me some time to adjust but I like it better here. It’s beautiful.

Dee: Theo, do you miss the ranch?

Theo: Sometimes, but I don’t see myself becoming a rancher anytime soon. Maybe when we retire…

Dee: You look good in a cowboy hat, Theo.

Dakota: Fuck yeah he does. Theo: *Laughs*

Dee: Last one.

Dee: Are you guys excited to be parents?

Dakota: Theo CERTAINLY IS. Dakota: But also, yes. I cannot wait to be a mom. Theo: I can’t wait to see you as a mom.

Dee: I see why you love him so much Koda.

Dakota: I am very lucky to have you. Theo: I’m the luckiest.

Dee: You guys.

Dee: Well, thank you guys for sitting down with me. I enjoyed our trip down memory lane.

Theo: Thank you again for having us.

Dee: Is there anything you want to leave for the viewers?

Dakota: Get ready for our wedding special this Saturday, the 22nd!

Theo: And don’t forget to look out for season two of #windenburgyears.

Thank you guys for joining us! Here’s to season two!

[just-orbiting-you]

https://x.com/jmnpromise/status/1820402605258052036

https://x.com/jmnpromise/status/1820403462762602618

Any new explanations and excuses ? 🎤 or you pretend not seeing this ask so you can continue to gaslight followers and yourself thinking Jkk is real ? Weren't you all celebrating WHO being gender neutral earlier ? Now Jimin himself said asking HER out as Slowdance meaning. Also you all said Rebirth is most personal song, turns out it's him falling in love with his crush which again is a girl who he's inviting for a dance in next song. And both songs are written by him.. Let it go already guys.. Jikook isn't real nor JM is with a man. He's throwing at your face at this moment that he's searching for A GIRL, A HER. While you misunderstands his message and bends his words to fit your non existent gay ship narrative.

i know you’re baiting me and probably have sent this to multiple other accts. but yeah i will explain! thanks for the opportunity!

In this post, i wrote about how in minimoni music, jimin made it very clear to me that MUSE is a concept album. his experiences of falling in love on this album are not true to his own experiences OR he doesn’t want us to think as such.

and you could say im making excuses because i like jikook all you want, but i am taking that from an artistic point of view. jimin explaining his process jn developing the messages of the songs felt similar to how jungkook chose the songs for golden. love is a universal emotion, let’s sing about that. jimin used love as a metaphor here, if you can’t comprehend the idea that art is transformative to the human experience, then im sorry.

i’d say probably 75% of music written these days is not directly autobiographical anymore. even when you’re writing about yourself, you twist things that might sound better written in different ways, etc. i find it hard to pair every word written by an artist back to their personal life. some artists are very clear about it, like jimin on face and yoongi’s solo work, but other times things are not so 1 to 1.

for the usage of “her,” there is NO way in HELL that jimin could use a “he/him” pronouns in a song if he truly is queer. i believe him to be so, and even then him singing about a girl does not erase his queerness. but his status and culture prevent him HEAVILY from referring to anyone else. like wake up seriously!!! and i find it funny that no one talks about how the rest of the songs on the album don’t use pronouns! everyone immediately focused on who!

plus jimin got extremely embarrassed in those clips talking about the romance theme of the album, and i just feel like he either doesn’t want to connect himself to it or feels uncomfortable with thr narrative. something is up in how he is acting.

finally, i will say that who being the final song leaves us with the notion that this person (whether jimin or not) hasn’t found a true love. they’ve been searching and dreaming, but nothing has come to them. even if you want to tie it back to jimin, he says this about who.

he said a similar thing in minimoni music about using who at the end to convey that he is ultimately left with an empty feeling, questioning when he will feel excited about life again. all of the previous track feeling upbeat, happy, and full of love end with who, a song without definitive confirmation that this person has found love.

i already have a hard time determining the reality of jikook’s relationship, i don’t like to blindly convince myself they’re real. still though, i find a lot of jimin’s thoughts on muse fall out of range for jimin’s romantic experiences. muse is not about himself directly.

[donnerpartyofone]

When I read the Marie Kondo book, I was struck by her remark that people who cannot keep their dwellings tidy have often lacked a strong sense of ownership in their lives, of their own places and possessions. This made perfect sense to me; I mean to some degree she's talking about people whose parents always cleaned up after them, which is certainly not my case, but it's definitely true that I have never had a well-developed sense of anything being mine. Even when I was little I was intensely aware that all material things were just breaking down and slipping through my fingers, and maybe I shouldn't get too attached to anything because the heartbreak would kill me. Also I never felt like a real authority in my own life, as if my only importance was relative to other people (specifically, whether I was annoying or inconveniencing or even disgusting someone like, say, my mother). Also the world simply seemed overwhelming and like a place where I would never have authorial power of any kind.

Keeping my room clean was a relentless and unresolved problem until I finally left home for college. In college (a place I really didn't belong) I was neat to the degree that I didn't want to offend my roommates, although I sometimes had roommates who were just as depressed and disorganized as I was, then I was really out of hand. When things got seriously bad for me mentally, I took a semester off in Portland, Maine. There I kept my room like a monk's cell, sweeping the floor every day, making my bed, and generally showing a lot of respect for my surroundings. I loved Portland and although I didn't live alone, it often felt like I did, and I also didn't have any real friends, which may have given me a rare feeling of sovereignty that resulted in my increased organization and cleanliness. When my family visited, they expressed so much astonishment at the state of things that it made me feel embarrassed and angry. It's not great to be told so emphatically that no one can even imagine you taking care of anything, and that it seems like some sort of absurd miracle when you do.

I was pretty messy again when I moved to New York City. Renting crummy apartments all the time doesn't really inspire feelings of respectful stewardship, although I did vacillate between extreme disorder and urgent cleaning episodes. I had never imagined myself in NYC, but I didn't know what else to do with myself besides move in with my dad for a while and try to figure things out. At least I hadn't gone home to my grimy, weird upstate home town, somewhere I never quite belonged; of course I'm marked deeply by the place just because I grew up there, but even among friends I could never really be myself without people assuming I was "just kidding" or something. Some people were very upset that I drifted off on my own, even years later, which I could find complimentary, but the message I got was that I must have thought I was too good for the town and everyone in it and so I went to "live my dreams" in the big city, which is really not a fair or accurate description of what happened to me at all. I never developed a feeling of patriotism for my home, and I also never felt patriotic about New York City; it was just easier for me to be there, at least in some dimensions.

A guy I'll call my ex-boyfriend for convenience, even though it's not a very good description of the relationship (one of my best friends in high school who I tried, disastrously, to date during college before we inevitably drifted apart), was always passionate about our home. I think when you have had a reasonably happy childhood and your teenage years were an exciting daily adventure, then it's easy to love where you grew up. I recently saw a Facebook post from him describing a big civic event (festival? with maybe a political angle?) with the most profound affection for all of the townsfolk, it was beautiful to see the place through his eyes for a moment even though I never experienced what he felt the whole time I lived there. On the other hand, I still keep in touch with one like-minded friend from high school, and although she also moved away she often sends me news items from our home about, like, bullies we used to know who became local politicians and are now in hot water for corruption, or like the major crisis that struck when a gigantic murder of crows came to roost and painted the entire town in bird shit for months on end (I actually don't even know whether this is over or not). Now THAT'S the place I know.

One day I was saying something to my father about my chronic sense of placelessness, and he said, "I know, you'd probably be happy just living in a bucket." I had repeated this to the ex-boyfriend, and he laughed out loud and made a physical gesture that suggested me coiled up in the bottom of a bucket like a snake, glaring up defensively. STAY OUT OF MY BUCKET! I just remembered this and repeated it to my husband, who also laughed out loud at the accuracy of this assessment. It's nice to feel understood, to know that multiple generations of men in my life automatically understand my bucket-dwelling quality.

My husband also moved to the city after school, and he is immensely proud of his many years in Brooklyn. He has a big map of the borough covering one thigh. He knows lots of different neighborhoods well, votes religiously, respects the older generations of our neighbors, cares what happens to the people here. I admire his depth of feeling, even though I can only relate to the part about respecting your surroundings and the people who were there first. The only time I was struck with a powerful sense of belonging was when we moved in together on the border of Red Hook, and began to explore that neighborhood. Red Hook is unusual because it is inaccessible by subway, which is surely part of why it has such a distinct personality. It's basically a tough, gritty little port town, shady and overgrown, with an extremely diverse population that intermingles working class families with rugged artist types. The first time I ever saw it, I was taking a bus at night to some other unfamiliar part of town, and I could see into the open doors of bars and restaurants on the main drag; it looked so beautiful to me, like some forgotten little burgh somewhere that could not possibly have been part of Brooklyn. I probably knew right then, more than a decade ago, that I wanted to live there. When my husband and I moved in next door (around ten years ago in April), I'll never forget the first day we decided to explore the place. We found ourselves sitting in a bar converted from an old bait shop (I once saw someone reach into the mouth of a mounted bass and pull out a cigarette; he explained that it was like a take-a-penny leave-a-penny community thing, and "You never know what brand you're gonna get!") that was covered from floor to ceiling in taxidermy and obscene tchotchkes. I remember sitting by the window staring out at the dusty main drag and passively thinking, "I'm home. I belong here." We eventually had our wedding reception there, having been given brilliant advice on where to have it by the owner of that same bar.

I know that part of the reason I like it so much is that it does actually remind me of my home town, which is extremely perverse of me. The grit, the pleasant shabbiness, the mix of blue collar stoicism and starving artist-ness. It's all so familiar, and sometimes you can become attached to things that are familiar even if they are not connected originally to happiness. They're part of what you know, what you're an expert of, what made you into yourself. I would never move back home (I just told my husband that if I had to for some dire reason I would immediately turn into a scary witch on the outskirts of town), I don't think it was a "great place to grow up" based on my own experience, but now that I have the distance I appreciate it in some way, a way I can only call "perverse". Apparently it has begun to turn into a chic, arty getaway for NYC expats, and every time I run into someone in the city who explains to me how "cool" the place is, I want to turn inside out. It's untrue! Becoming "cool" to those people is the least cool thing that could possibly happen to it! Suddenly I want to rush to its defense and shout down all these accusations of boho hepness. If you think that town is "cool" you're wrong, and you don't belong there, and you should STAY THE FUCK OUT. (I mean don't actually stay out, I'm sure you're great for the local economy, but you're still WRONG)

Anyway. Finally Red Hook is about to become my home for-real. Ever since we signed the lease, it has been calling to me, I want to go there every day even though I don't have anything to do and I'll soon be there all the time. I think I'll live pretty differently once I'm there, with my newfound feeling of ownership. Now I just have to figure out where I can get one of the bumper stickers that we saw the first time we visited, at the famous key lime pie place that was covered in signs and stickers featuring ornery slogans such as:

WELCOME TO RED HOOK

YOU MADE IT. NOW--GIT!

[treatpeoplewithfanfiction]

Strawberries and Memories

Harry Styles x F!Reader 

Rating: Allowed for minors.

Words: 0,7k

Warnings: none, just some fluff for today 

Author comments: hello, my beautiful people! Happy new year! This was a request from a reader who’s missing summer and I hope everyone like it! English isn’t my first language, so please, be kind. To join my taglist, send me a message via ask. 

Although you knew it was cold, you were naive to think that in the middle of December leaving home early wearing just a thin cold sweater to spend the whole day outside would warm you up enough. You body hurt, your fingers were stiff and your teeth chattered, and although you weren’t that bothered by the cold, it made you miss summer days, specially the last ones, where you and Harry had spent the most incredible afternoons ever under the sun and in the ocean water. You sighed as you remembered that even though you forgot using sunscreen on the last day at the beach, making you both back home burned and sensitive. Those days were deliciously unforgettable.

You took your phone off the pocket and walking back to the office after lunch, you typed a few words to your man: 

“babe, I'm missing those days at the beach, remember? just haven’t decided what I miss more... If it’s the heat (I mean, seriously? what was I thinking when I left home with no warm clothes?) or just cuddling up with you without worring about anything else in life.” 

And you couldn’t help smiling as you read the reply:

“Message from Harold 💕: back home asap to cuddle up a little, then I heat you up and we solve both of your problems.” 

(...)

The day had just fallen and you returned home on the subway while thinking about the week in Eroda Islands, and how you would give it all up for the heat of that day. Then you unlocked the phone screen and went straight to your photos, looking for a specific one: Harry with his lips in a straw drinking coconut water. That was one of the ones you liked the most, and not only of the trip, but of him himself. His gaze was calm and his face seemed rested. You were a little surprised he didn’t answer your last messages. At that time of day he was always online, but you figured he might be busy with something else or still behind the wheel, late to get home. You didn’t mind so much. In fact you just wanted to get home soon, put on some proper clothes, and plant yourself in front of the fireplace until take roots.

Leaving the station, you faced the wet, freezing wind from the street and damn, you could have sworn you could remember times you cut yourself with a kitchen knife or fell off your bike and felt less pain than at that moment. As you walked down the two or three blocks from the station to your house you hummed something to distract yourself, making you think a little less about the shivering under the wrong clothe you had chosen to wear.

When you got home you saw that Harry's car was at the garage, which was strange because he rarely failed to answer your messages when he was home. Anyway, you grabbed the keys from your pocket, and as you opened the door you felt a strong thermal shock, stronger than you imagined. You went inside, already feeling much better from the temperature inside, but… Why on earth would Harry leave the air conditioning on at such that high temperature?

“Baby? I’m home, you in?” you asked, curious to know what he might be up to.

“Yup, babe, in the kitchen.” You heard his voice answer.

Almost there, you saw him appear at the door, in shorts and barefoot, his hair messy, basically reproducing the picture you had seen earlier, which he knew you liked so much. He was holding a coconut in his hands, with a straw, and smiling, happy to see you. He came up to kiss you, and gosh, you loved that feeling when you smiled and felt him smiling between the kiss. Releasing his lips from yours he looked at you tenderly and pulled you by the hand into the kitchen so that you could see several fruits, all chopped up, just waiting for you. He took the bowl of fruit and said:

“Honey, I just didn’t have time to get the beach, okay? But the cuddling part…” he paused slightly, putting a strawberry in your mouth. “We can work that one out right now.”

Your eyes sparkled and you couldn’t help but giggle and kiss him as you realized what he had done, unable to believe how lucky you were to have Harry by your side, and happy to know that that weekend would probably be as precious in your memories as the last hot summer days.

[corviiids]

hello rook, here's a story for you! i have not slept all night, combo of work and having to virtually attend a wedding on another continent. i open ao3 and my body suddenly becomes very awake because my phone is displaying that you only have 11 works on your profile. as someone who has dearly loved your work for years, I fly into a sleep-deprived emotional haze, fully ready to send you, "thank you so much for sharing your works they truly meant and mean so much to me" in the form of a truly massive wall of text. while writing, I open my phone again to cross-check a reference as to not embarrass myself while I pour my heart out. my phone refreshes your page, as I'd been typing the former message out for a decent while. I was in gifted works. The entire time. In fact, you had quite literally hours before updated as you like it. So considerably less panicked now: thank you so much for your works. You've genuinely gotten me through some of the worst times of my life. It's been five or six years since I started following you and your work has always been something I cherish, and I will cherish every piece you write for however long you continue to share them with us and beyond. My best friend knows the plots of all your works by proxy since I always end up assailing him with messages whenever I read a chapter. The joy I get seeing you post is a constant. I was just as excited today as when as you like it first released, only with the added relief from seeing that no, 85% percent of your works didn't disappear, my soul may have actually left my body momentarily in joy. All that to say, thank you so much, you are a delight, know that your works are much loved and that I'm rotating them around in my brain like a microwave, and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. C:

HEY thank you so much. i first opened this ask at a real low point actually (unrelated to writing!) and ive reread the message a few times since to pick myself up. it's wild to hear anyone's been following me or reading my writing for that long, and it is honestly mind-blowing to me that anything i made could mean that much to someone. i'm really touched that you even told your friend about my stories. so seriously, thank you.

(it's sometimes hard to feel good enough about your own work to keep sharing it, but you've inflated my ego a good amount so my self esteem could probably handle a while longer of steady assault if need be!)

and thank you for your kind words about as you like it! i had sort of assumed that everyone had forgotten about it since it's been so long, haha. hearing people remembered it and were happy to see it again was a real joy for me. that fic meant a lot to me when i started it and it still means a lot to me now, which is why i decided to try and resume it, even if it was just for an audience of me. it's really nice to know the audience is not in fact just me! i hope you enjoy the rest of it. there are a few parts of it that i've had written since 2021 and it's still, in my opinion, some of the best writing i've ever done - we'll see if i get enough done to post it. :)

[unpopularly-opinionated]

Okay so I just finished that Heartstopper show everyone was raving about awhile back and...like on a “omg this is cute and gay, I love it” scale, it’s a 9/10, but on a “this show is put together well and has a satisfying message and conclusion” it’s maybe a 7/10.

It bugged the hell out of me that Nick seemingly dropped any and all sense of being an actual person at the very end of the show, and instead just became a prop to make sure they ended the series with Charlie happy instead of borderline-suicidal. Like it sucks because they actually made Nick a good character who’s POV I liked following, but they seriously dropped the ball in the last episode.

Spoilers below:

I’m glad I finished the show before posting because I almost wrote a post about how the show kind of grossly handled Nick’s friends. Even so, they didn’t do great but it was fine. Never mind the fact that his friends are assholes, it just felt really off how easily he was dumping friends left and right, all for the sake of some boy he just met. Again, they’re assholes and he’s right to dump them, but he does it so easily that I’m like what the fuck, aren’t these your friends of like several years?? Anyways, they sort of addressed that in the end, so whatever I guess it’s fine.

But two things that bugged the hell out of me:

1. Tao’s kind of a piece of shit who sort of weaponized “love” against Charlie, and he completely gets away with it too. Charlie had a legitimate reason to not tell him about Nick, that being the fact that Nick wasn’t out yet. Sure, after telling everyone else you could argue that he should’ve told Tao too, but I still think it’s worth pointing out that there was a legitimate excuse not to tell him that was just ignored.

2. The de-characterizing of Nick in the end was insane. I mean I just went off on how they handled his friendships and how he so easily abandoned them, but then the show made a point to actually address that when Charlie outright tells him that he doesn’t expect Nick to drop all his friends, even if they are assholes, but then Nick goes and drops the rugby tournament at the very end just to make Charlie feel better??? Is Nick not allowed to be in the closet? Is he not allowed to have friends?? Is he not allowed to have personal interests and hobbies outside of Charlie??? Like what the fuck, they just completely erase his entire character just to make Charlie feel better. It’s so fucked.

Anyways, cute show I guess. Can’t wait for season two (unironically).

[heybaetae]

forever sad i was the only one that got a presale code between me & my friend and i dont regret being day 3 at all but goddamn day 4 got an extra song with them and coldplay like bitch??? and got to see them last like ;-; how do you feel being apart of that? coldplays love for bts (and esp chris with jin) makes me happy cus coldplay is going to be them years from now but most importantly, genuine friends in the music industry, period. like how does a group outside of korea have more respect than their peers have for them? (at least thats my impression) bc the world of kpop makes them seem like they're voldermort or blantantly disrespects them. cant wait for chris and jin to reunite 🥺

it was really surreal to have experienced my universe live in a stadium and i’ll remember it forever. there had been whisperings that it might happen a couple days prior, but by the time it actually happened i had totally forgotten about the rumors and was taken COMPLETELY by surprise. my soul left my body i swear 😂 i literally have my reaction on video because i was recording the ending of ptd and then the intro to my universe started and I WENT BALLISTIC 💀 it’s embarrassing to watch back and hear myself scream like that, but also hilarious and i’m glad i have the moment captured forever. the energy was so electric, everyone was so happy and it was such a fun finale to those shows.

anyway, i agree coldplay’s genuine love for them has been so beautiful to watch blossom since their collab. i think it takes a special kind of person to be as open minded as chris martin is and even though he had hesitations in the beginning, he understands the importance of human connection and he was willing. he made the effort. that is something i wish more people learned from him and his band. coldplay and bts are groups who know what kind of message they want to put out into the world and that’s why my universe resonates and why they get along so well. if one of the most successful bands of the last two decades can bond with bts and cherish them as people and as friends, idk why it’s so hard for everyone else in the industry to see them as peers instead of a threat or beneath them because they’re korean. it’s so refreshing to see them taken seriously and cared for by musicians as respected as coldplay are. not that i care about western validation, but i do want them to be respected and the fact that a band like coldplay who they’ve looked up to and always dreamed of working with makes it all the more serendipitous and precious. it shows people that bts ARE worthy of the respect people refuse to give them. i’m so grateful that collab happened. it’s definitely a friendship i see lasting for a long time.

[kristsingto]

There’s a part of I’m Tee Me Too that never fails to come back to me and annoy me on a fundamental level. And that’s because I don’t agree with what it’s saying.

Maetee’s storyline.

WARNING: Rant about some personal feelings.

Each of the characters living together has a name that includes “Tee” and a quirk to their personality that is explored in the series, typically for them, phobias (though I have difficulties generalizing it, because I don’t quite see all of them as phobias). But who I’d say has it worst of all in terms of it being debilitating for their life functioning is Maetee, who is afraid of ghosts.

At the beginning of episode 4, which explores Maetee’s character and develops his character arc, we see why Maetee is scared of ghosts.

He’s said to have been a “boy from hell.” Impossible to discipline or rein in. His mother tried many tactics (beatings, the hanger, etc.) but the only one that stuck and really terrified Maetee to stay in-line was that of ghosts.

As a side note — child Maetee singing Happy Birthday at a funeral is hilarious to me. What a small menace. I adore him.

Throughout the show, we’ve already seen how bad Maetee’s condition is as of now, as a university student. Maetee is unable to sleep alone, spends hours of his day panicked over ghosts, passes out when he thinks he’s seen a ghost, and is just generally always paranoid over the idea of ghosts. I’d wager that pretty much everyone has at some point been scared by a ghost story as a kid, or been teased by a parent/adult in their life with a story like the bogeyman. But in Maetee’s case, we can see it’s a lot more serious than for most people.

Maetee is terrified when he’s left alone at the house. Like, actually terrified the entire time. Of course, the scene ends up in a joke, when he passes out after seeing what he thinks is the ghost of someone he believes to be dead (Watee’s mother is who he thinks he sees, but it’s actually Watee’s aunt)

Here, we come to understand what the actual point of the episode is. It’s going to be about the mother.

Maitee’s mother is gone, and so is Watee’s, which is much more important. The entire emotional core of the show is about Watee moving on from his overwhelming grief after his mother passes away with the help of the other boys who move in with him. Parents are core to the emotional core of the story. Watee comes to connect with his step-brother (T-Rex) and father by the end of the series, and there’s a clear message. Value your parents.

But this storyline in particular shows how you can fuck up that message and make an unsatisfying storyline as a result.

Maetee’s mom comes to visit, and all she does is belittle and embarrass him in front of his friends. So he gets mad and tells her to leave. And she does.

The show wants you to feel bad for her.

Watee feels bad for her. In one of the first real scenes of the show where he’s good-spirited, he has a conversation with Maetee’s mom. And you know why Watee takes this situation so seriously. It’s because he’s lost his mother.

And I do get it. I get what the show wants to say. Value your parents, don’t be childish, and you could lose your parents anytime, so you should do your best while they’re around. But I’ve always hated this sentiment. You shouldn’t have to repress how you feel, or feel like shit because your parent is around, just because you’ll regret it later.

(Clearly, Watee has never met an abusive mother.)

The thing is that Maetee has a point, and it’s really clear. She is the reason that he’s terrified of ghosts to this extent and her attitude about it is awful. Maetee’s mom ridicules him for how he acts and constantly criticizes him.

Watee expresses envy towards having a mother who tells him off, but this is exactly how it is with people who don’t understand what having a bad relationship with your parents is like. Watee loved his mother. She made his life better. I don’t think this is true for Maetee’s mom, even if his mom is said to care.

She confesses (to Watee, not her son of course, because parents don’t do that with their kids!) that she worries that she may be the reason that Maetee is the way he is, and she feels guilty if so. But if that’s true, she sure as hell doesn’t express that to Maetee! And even if so, guilt isn’t going to fix anything. And sure, you can say that people mess up. People aren’t infallible, after all. But it doesn’t mean Maetee needs to simply forgive her.

His mom says she’s sorry through a text, but it doesn’t get to the core of the issue. It’s an apology for bothering Maetee. It makes you want to pity her. I don’t pity her. I don’t enjoy being told to pity a woman whose reaction to guilt was to criticize and ridicule her son. I don’t care if she does feel bad.

And I hate how the show guilt trips Maetee into forgiving her. Because that’s what it is. A lot of guilt tripping from the show to Maetee. Look at Watee, he lost his mom! Don’t you feel guilty for not being happy with your mom when Watee is still grieving his? Look, your mom is acting all pitiable. She’s guilty, she just doesn’t show it! None of this should be why Maetee would forgive his mom. I think it can be empowering for a character to keep a parent who hurt them in their life — when the character comes to that decision honestly. And I didn’t get that feeling from this series. I got the feeling that Maetee was just expected to value his mom because she’s his mom.

You’ll regret it when she’s dead! It’s a sentiment said a lot. You’ll regret it. It’s always put on the child to regret it moreso than the parent to regret the actions that led them there. Because they’re your only parent! That’s what people say. But why is that special? Does that give a parent a right to hurt you? To be a negative influence on your life? Why is not wanting a parent to overstep boundaries framed as something to be guilty about?

Culturally, parents are people you’re told to have to value. People to respect. They’re your parents, they love you. That must be obvious. Some people treat it like a fact of life. But I have two things to say to that. Sometimes, parents don’t love their children. But more importantly here, and to me, love doesn’t make a parent good.

Forgiving your parents shouldn’t be expected. If you do it, I respect you, but I hate how media often frames it. Sometimes, not forgiving your parents is just as strong and important to someone as forgiving them and trying to reconcile. But this episode of I’m Tee Me Too doesn’t seem to have space for that interpretation. And that’s always stayed in my head.