#septmeber15th2024

[biblicallycorrectangelvenom]

I love my mother but

I still feel the fear of her pinning me against the laundry door by my throat at 12 years old over a lunchbox

I still feel the fear of her yelling at me at the same age for going through puberty and experiencing depression

I still feel the fear of her yelling at me to wear longer shorts because her husband was a pervert

I still feel the fear of her grabbing me up or screaming in my face over eating the last saltines and claiming that "this house is not a 24/7 buffet"

Now at 28, I love my mother but these things have made my adulthood so far very hard because now I'm burdened with unlearning these things and have to lock myself in the bathroom every time panic comes to visit

I love my mother but I never deserved this type of mother