#sephtoony

[moonlightdancer26]

Snucius Being A Perfect Match — A gift for my wifey @halfblood-princes-crown

GUYS!!!!!!! It’s the love of my life aka @halfblood-princes-crown’s birthday today! As my birthday gift to him, and because I know Snucius is his OTP, this is a “Snucius + Narcissa (with a side of Bellatrix and Regulus) being a chaotic duo/trio” post <3

Enjoy:

******

Snape: Petition to remove the ‘d’ from Wednesday 
Lucius: Wednesay 
Snape: Not what I had in mind, but I’m flexible

******

Snape: Why are you on the floor?
Lucius: I’m depressed.
Lucius: Also I was stabbed, can you get Narcissa, please?

******

Lucius: I love you guys, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me.
Snape: We’re the best thing that’s ever happened to you?
Lucius: Yes!
Narcissa: I’m starting to feel a little sorry for you.

******

Bellatrix: *Screams*
Narcissa: *Screams louder to establish dominance*
Lucius: Should we do something?
Snape: No, I want to see who wins.

******

Snape: How have none of you people hear what I just said? 
Lucius: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. 
Narcissa: I got distracted about halfway through. 
Bellatrix: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

******

Bellatrix: I just ended a four year relationship.
Narcissa: Oh, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?
Bellatrix: Hm? Oh yes, I’m fine. It wasn’t my relationship.
*Snape and Lucius fighting from across the room*

******

Snape: There is no future. There is no past. Do you see? Time is simultaneous — an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet. 
Lucius:

Narcissa:

Regulus:
Bellatrix:

Rosier:
Everyone Else At Snape’s Surprise Birthday Party: 
Lucius: Severus… all I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

******

Snape: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Lucius: ‘Prettiest Smile’

Narcissa: ‘Nicest Personality’

Bellatrix: ‘Most likely to start a bar fight’

Regulus: ‘Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one’

******

Lucius: If there’s going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.
Snape: Of course, Lucius. I cannot flip this table by myself.

******

Snape: I think I’m having a mid-life crisis. 
Lucius: You’re 19 years old 
Snape: I MIGHT DIE AT LIKE 38

******

Lucius: You love me, right, Severus?
Snape: Normally, I’d answer yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

******

Snape: Lucius and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other’s-
Lucius: -sentences. 
Snape: Do not interrupt me.

******

Lucius: So that’s my plan.
Snape: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don’t want to sound mean.
Lucius: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.
Snape: It fucking sucks.
Lucius: First of all, that’s not constructive criticism.

******

Lucius: Severus, I only ever see you awake, do you ever take a nap or stop running? 
Snape: Oh, I’m always running 
Snape: The question is… (*dramatic Movie!Snape pause*) from what.

******

Snape: I’m a reverse necromancer.
Lucius: Isn’t that just killing people?
Snape: Ah yes, technicality.

******

Lucius: Severus, love, it’s your turn to wash dishes. 
Snape: I’LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD. 
Lucius: Fine, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?

******

Lucius: You know, Narcissa and I are starting to regret showing you how that blender works. 
Snape, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

******

Lucius: Okay, help me please!
Snape: I have two words for you

Lucius: I bet they won’t be helpful.
Snape: Your problem.
Lucius: I was right

******

Lucius: Aw Severus! Look at you, getting all romantic with these candles!

Snape: Who said anything about being romantic?

Snape: Maybe I’m going to sacrifice you.

******

Lucius: You know, Severus, I can never tell if you’re insulting me or flirting with me.

Snape: If it makes you feel any better, me neither.

******

Narcissa: This is a catastrophe! The printer messed up the invitation! It was supposed to say “Lucius’s birthday!”

Snape: What does it say instead?

Narcissa: Lucius’s bi.

Snape:

Snape: Still works.

******

Lucius: *pretends to stretch*

Lucius: *puts arm around Snape’s shoulder*

Snape:

Snape: *pretends to stretch*

Snape: *smacks Lucius in the face*

******

Snape: Are you seeing someone?

Lucius, blushing: No, why?

Snape: I don’t know, I simply thought that perhaps you would benefit from seeing a therapist or something.

******

Snape: So, Lucius sent me an owl saying “your adorable” and I sent him one back saying “no, YOU’RE adorable.”

Narcissa: And?

Snape: And now we’re dating.

Narcissa:

Snape: We’ve been on six dates thus far and I have yet to tell him I was merely correcting a spelling mistake but I kind of like him so...

******

Narcissa to Lucius and Snape: This is such a bad idea.

Snape: Then why are you coming along?

Narcissa: One of us needs to be able to talk the aurors out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

[halfblood-princes-crown]

Is Moon around the same age as you?

I’m younger, but I’m 98% sure moon is also in her 20s so kinda close

@moonlightdancer26 confirm or deny

[astronova-00]

for everyone in the Sephtoony fam, which one do you think each of us are? 👀

Seph is “waits for the person to finish and just say ‘okay’”

You are “starts crying” or “yells back even louder”

Rose is “‘cAN YOU STOP YELLING?” or “starts crying”

And then I am “yells back louder” or “is the person yelling”

(do we have new members in our family)

[moonlightdancer26]

Is there any Snape related drama lately? I've been absent, I need a catch up 😫

(Side note for another fandom: I saw someone say mobius is a Hufflepuff and I'm melting)

Fortunately no, it’s been real peaceful over here for the last few weeks. And I started getting a lot of long-ish asks about certain topics in HP and fandom discourse and it’s been great!

also

It’s officially canon idc what y’all say

[moonlightdancer26]

Yo, is Seph okay? They haven't posted in awhile.

@halfblood-princes-crown is okay, he’s simply been busy with work and life. He’s still here sometimes, he just hasn’t been posting on tumblr, that’s all.

[moonlightdancer26]

Guys 🗣️🗣️ It’s @halfblood-princes-crown’s mom’s birthday today!! Say happy birthday to the woman who raised the best person alive 🥰

@vyrid @rose-margret @astronova-00 @bookwalmartav y’all better say happy birthday to your grandmother

[moonlightdancer26]

The Power Within.

1. Isn’t that some karate movie? 2. BABEEEE I FEEL LIKE I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU IN A WHILE

[moonlightdancer26]

Come here babe

[moonlightdancer26]

@halfblood-princes-crown and I have an announcement to make!

Seph and I, sometimes known as Sephtoony, have officially adopted our good friend @vyrid into our family. She’s now our very first child 🥳

Vivi even changed her pfp to a child to match this wondrous occasion 💀

[moonlightdancer26]

WHAT IS THIS?????

@vyrid look at your father, he blOCKED me BC I WAS JUST MOCKING HIM

@halfblood-princes-crown we won’t be mutuals again for at least another 12 hours (24 if I’m feeling petty), it’s the least you deserve for being a BABY

[halfblood-princes-crown]

You give me tooth aches

Aaawwwwww

[halfblood-princes-crown]

this is Moon btw

I know

[moonlightdancer26]

NOBODY

LOVES ME

LIKE YOU DO

NOBODY

DONT

LOVE ME

LIKE YOU DO

I’m.. ashamed to admit idk what song this is 😭 my first thought was Whitney Houston lmaoo

(but the lyrics are very fitting 😘<3)

[halfblood-princes-crown]

this is what your wife does in her free time

👁️👄👁️

You have too much free time.

[moonlightdancer26]

And don’t say it’s the next day, you know we have a time difference 😭 it’s still your birthday, I’m in the past

Lucky for you it’s not the next day actually 😭 since I’m in London the time difference is even shorter between us 😍😍

[moonlightdancer26]

Merry born day, my love

Express to your mother my gratitude for birthing the best wife ever 💋

And today will be the day I watch your favorite movie. I was stalling until today hehehe

OMGGGGG THAT’S WHY YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED DEAD POETS SOCIETY?? and I had the gall to yell at you 😞 my apologies pookie

(and oh my GOD I’m literally at my birthday dinner rn and as I was typing DPS I IMMEDIATELY noticed a man who looks identical to Robert Sean Leonard but with a beard. Coincidence? I THINK NOT)

and THANK YOU SO MUCH BABEEE I LOVE YOUUUU ❤️❤️