#seojun x suho x jugyeong

[clockworkswans]

you are my dream.

summary: ‘I like Suho. Is it wrong that I look at Seojun more than I should too? That I...I also like how they watch each other? Do they feel the same way I do?'  an ot3 fic to end love triangles for GOOD.

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28763412

                                                          ~

                                              Suho. The Moon.

Keep to yourself. Manage what you can. Deal with the past by...well, don’t deal with the past.

Suho orbited these rules - more like self-inflicted shackles - with careful calculation. Grades? He could master. Friends? Didn’t need them. He didn’t need a repeat of the scar named Seojun. Couldn’t again deal with frosty glares, couldn't deal with the thin-lipped smirk coming from the mouth that once laughed softly beside Suho in the too-early hours of the morning.

Their shared hangouts and sleepily composed song drafts felt like a lifetime ago...

What can I give to return to those days? To listen as Seojun boasted over his gaming records...To watch his hands trace across his motorcycle, lip caught between his teeth...To hear Seojun laugh with me again...I’d swallow my pride if I only knew how to break down the wall between us. Seyeon would hate to see us so torn apart…

But as with after every winter, the spring came. Lim Jugyeong. His old friend, new friend, and stranger-on-a-rooftop-i’ll-never-see-again-but-wish-you-well.

She skipped, fell, stumbled and ran into Suho’s life before he could understand he’d been waiting for the rain to stop and the skies to clear.

He clumsily fell right back into her orbit; tentative, sullen, scared, alone, smitten and clinging onto the fragments of hope he found in each interaction, Suho began to breathe again. Jugyeong’s kindness warmed Suho out of his loneliness; he opened up bit by bit and in return, she shared her secrets and ambitions and fears.

But Seojun haunted Suho. His remarks and jabs prickled Suho out of his carefully designed nonchalance. Whereas Jugyeong brought him into the present, Seojun’s presence reminded Suho of a hidden part of the past, a self he’d locked away and was trying hard to keep away.

Suho knew his feelings were complicated. Even now, when he was happy dating Jugyeong, he felt frustrated and jealous. It was misdirected, Suho knew this. Each of Seojun’s lazy grins bit into Suho’s skin like a flame held too close. Seojun liked Jugyeong but Suho couldn’t focus on one emotion; he disliked the way Seojun looked at his girlfriend but there was something unnamable burning hot against his ribcage, as though Seojun was pressing his fingers to his chest and keeping Suho’s gaze right there, in the space between the three of them. An empty space didn’t seem to be lacking anymore. There was something new waiting to fill it.

I dare you, Seojun’s gaze seemed to tease. I dare you to see what you truly want.

Weeks of unspoken words - and fights over things that were never quite about the right thing - finally culminated in the car accident. He remembered running out after hearing Seyeon's song. Remembered Seojun's shout and the car hurtling towards them-

Suho blinked, awake and dreary. He could already sense the throbbing aches of his injuries and groaned.

He was hit with a horrible memory and gasped.

Seojun? Was he awake? Was he okay?  Please don't take him from me too-

“Suho! Please, be careful,” the girl’s voice sounded far away but the arm it belonged to gripped him tightly, fingers trembling. “You want to sit up? Okay, no, no, let me…”

Suho’s heart calmed at the sight of Jugyeong sitting by his bed, her open face kind and concerned. He managed a small smile before wincing.

“I’m...okay. Seojun? Is he…?”

“His arm is broken but other than some bruises, he’s fine, Suho, I promise.”

Jugyeong’s eyes grew wet and her voice shook as she continued. “We were all so worried but you're both so stubborn and strong. Thank you for waking up. I don’t know what i’d do…” She broke off and gave in to the tears this time.

Suho pulled her close to him and they embraced until the pain didn’t seem so unbearable. Suho whispered ‘thank you, thank you, thank you’ and Jugyeong didn’t ask why. He was grateful because he had no idea if he was praying for himself or his own tears were for Seojun.

I can’t lose you either of you. I...like you both so much.

A knock sounded at the door. Jugyeong wiped away her tears with his sleeve - Suho suppressed a grin and nodded for her to open the door.

“Uh...hey. Glad you’re awake. Bye-”

“Seojun, wait-” the words burst from Suho before he could compose a response as equally cool and casual as Seojun’s.

His friend stood in a hospital gown, adorned in one of his favourite black and white leather jackets - of course he’d requested it as soon as he woke, Suho thought, fondness softening the embarrassment he felt. He scanned Seojun's face and traced the faint bruises and shadows under Seojun’s eyes.

Beautiful eyes. Why are his eyes so goddamn beautiful?

“Stare much? Do you want an autograph?” Seojun scoffed, ducking his head and running a hand through his dishevelled hair.

A quiet giggle came from Jugyeong and she beamed between them. “You two are just ridiculous, you know.”

Before either of them could question her further, the doctors began to do the daily rounds, but not before Suho felt his breath catch. In the small, plain hospital room filled with scars and tangled histories, a new page turned over. Between himself, Seojun and Jugyeong, something precious began to shape itself.

                                                             ~

                                               Jugyeong. The Stars.

Peaceful days bloomed after the accident. Jugyeong found herself enjoying her studies, studying outside of school to prepare for cosmetology exams and tests, and relaxing with her friends and boyfriend.

I’ve come so far from the trembling girl who had no friends. I’m so proud of myself.

Although Jugyeong didn’t yet have the courage to face school without makeup she knew the time was closer than it ever had been. She would get there at her own pace, learn to love herself gradually, be content to share her friends’ affections and trust they were genuine. They loved her for her.

Suho likes me for me.

She didn’t hide the goofy grin splitting her face. She didn’t care if people in the library stared at her. She was so happy. Especially as in the following weeks after their hospital discharges they’d been hanging out so often, she, Suho and Seojun.

In fact, Jugyeong couldn’t remember the last time they’d been apart. After school, they held movie nights at Suho’s place - when he was lonely and didn’t want to admit it so Jugyeong planned a crash-in with Seojun. Sometimes they went to the arcade or out for food and karaoke with their friends, followed by a late walk, just the three of them. It often ended in light bickering over who was walking who home; Jugyeong dealt with the two idiots by declaring whoever started the fight next ought to kiss the other.

They were both rather quiet afterwards and Jugyeong watched their cheeks turn violent shades of pink.

I like Suho. Is it wrong that I look at Seojun more than I should too? That I...I also like how they watch each other? Do they feel the same way I do?

Jugyeong wasn’t quite brave enough to ask Suho about his feelings, not when her own were fogged with doubt. All she knew was: the three of them filled in each other’s missing parts - Suho was quiet, smart and cool, Seojun burned bright and laughed loud, and Jugyeong?

Well, every group needs a hug-first-talk-later soul. She smiled to herself, happily lost in thought as she waited for Suho outside by the playground. She reached a hand to her mouth and slowly traced her lower lip. The memory of her first kiss with Suho in the forest filled Jugyeong with a sweet aftertaste. But it still felt...lacking. Not because it was Suho.

Someone was missing.

She never felt that way when it was the three of them hanging out; her best days belonged to their school lunch hangouts or shared classroom notes; they belonged to weekends of part-time work with Seojun and Suho visiting them on breaks; they belonged to soothing Suho when his father stressed him out again, or sharing makeup tutorials with Seojun’s sister and laughing to the sound of Seojun’s shower singing.

She’d even managed to convince the boys to indulge her cosmetics practices. Suho and Seojun would sit cross-legged on her bed as they let her exploit their pretty faces with makeup tutorials.

“Hold still, please,” she would beg as Seojun squirmed. Suho would scoff quietly beside him but blink quickly when Jugyeong turned her brush and attention his way.

“You both look beautiful,” she told them once, surprised by her own confidence. There was a vulnerability in the way Suho smiled back at her, and when Seojun tilted his head towards him, the smile only widened.

“What?” Seojun asked. “You only just realised I’m hot?” The husky quality of his voice made Jungyeong swallow. He was looking at Suho the same way he’d eyed her up in that photoshoot.

“No.” Suho’s voice cut through the tension but his words created a different kind of pull. “I knew a long time ago.”

“How long?” Seojun’s demand was a white-hot flame. His fist sat closed beside Suho's open hand on the bed, the space between them almost non-existent.

Suho shrugged and cleared his throat. “Long enough to bury it. Should we eat?” he casually said, changing the subject. Jugyeong didn’t realise she’d become frozen and was staring like a fool.

“O-oh. Yes. Let’s eat! You can help me order, Seojun,” she said quickly, tugging him up by the arm and dragging him to the door. “Stay and...listen to some music!” she told Suho, who blinked, adorably confused, as she dragged his best friend from the room and into the hallway.

She watched Seojun struggle to regain his cool for a few moments as he scanned the delivery menu, pretending his thoughts were anywhere other than in the room upstairs, beside Suho. But Jugyeong knew how scary it was to accept your true feelings. It had taken her a long while too.

“Are you feeling okay?” She placed the back of her hand to his forehead and Seojun’s gaze held her own.

“Well, I am now,” he said, his lips twitching. Despite the tease, she could read him better now. She shook her head, smiling fondly.

“You’re both fools. My fools.” She said it lightly enough but cupped a hand against Seojun’s cheek, smiling as he instinctively leaned into the touch. He seemed to realise a moment later and hesitated. She reached up onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek before the courage escaped her again.

“W-what was that for?” Seojun’s eyes widened. He pressed a finger to the spot on his cheek.

“It was from both of us. He just won’t admit it. I thought you were a man, hm?” Jugyeong couldn’t help but tease him. Really, Seojun was such a bluffer. She adored it.

I hope we can all be happy together.

                                                          ~

                                                   Seojun. The Sun.

Despite his numerous personal struggles with friends and his mother’s health, Seojun never paid much attention to who attracted his attention; the pretty girl smiling at him in the hallway of the trainee building, the barista at his favourite coffee shop who had dimples and a guitar tattoo on his right hand.

It never mattered. Beautiful girls and boys attracted Seojun’s eye but having met many trainees, friends and people across different friendship groups, he knew he’d always come back to him. Back to  Lee Suho. And more recently, back to Jugyeong too.

Why’s it so hard to believe they have room for me?

The two people who could challenge him and appreciate his quieter sides and his passionate side too....Seojun wanted them. He wanted them both beside him, to be brave enough to admit it. He had forgiven Suho a long time ago for the pained history between them, and asked for forgiveness too.

But when the pain left, hope and something tender took shape; Seojun felt threatened by the overwhelming newness of it. The completeness of watching Jugyeong drag Suho up to sing with her in their favourite karaoke booth. The way they shared looks and included him too.

Jugyeong’s presence had been the glue to the frayed string of fate between Suho and Seojun, he knew this now. She’d woven her own string into theirs and created a kaleidoscope of colours known only to them.

                                                         ~

Seojun felt the kiss coming a mile away and yet, it still surprised him.

After so much hard work, their graduation day arrived. Seojun found himself suited up and with nowhere to go after the ceremony. His family had gifted him flowers and after forcing him to take many, many photos, left him to enjoy the evening with friends. Only he’d been indecisive and excused himself from every option; there had been a few parties planned by rebellious students and one gathering at Soojin’s house but...he just wanted to feel at home. So he found himself at Suho’s place, where Jugyeong was already, and smiled.

“Hello. Room for one more?”

“Always,” she said, letting him in. Suho sat in a white shirt, the sleeves rolled up enough for Seojun to appreciate his muscle definition. He swallowed and greeted him as cooly as he could.

They sat together on the floor for a while and played some games and Suho teased them both about their studies finally paying off, to which Seojun and Yungyeon teamed up to beat him at the next game.

“I had a great tutor,” Jugyeong said, all giggly and delighted and looking at Suho like he was the moon. Which he was, Seojun supposed, eyeing him without shame. He was looking away anyway. Suho was cool and beautiful and Seojun felt he could burn up the sun for a bit of his attention. If Suho was the moon, Jungyeon was the stars; scattered in pieces of dreams, love and insecurities but binding everyone together.

If I'm the sun, I burn and burn until there’s nothing left.

“Careful, don’t hurt your brain.” Suho’s voice clipped at his thoughts. Seojun scoffed and nudged him with an elbow.

“Never fear, my friend. I can’t hurt what’s not there.”

“True.”

“Hey! You weren’t supposed to agree.”

“Then study more-”

“Excuse me but remember what I said would happen the next time you fight,” Jugyeong piped up. She gave them a warning look and although it was playful, Seojun felt a sense of competition light him up from the inside.

He leaned closer to Suho, placing his hands on either side of his legs.

“What? No words, smart boy?”

Suho kissed him first. It shouldn’t have caught Seojun off-guard, especially as he half-initiated it, but it did.

Stupid. You’re so stupid to think a kiss from Lee Suho wouldn’t absolutely destroy you. You fool. You’ve wrecked yourself for the both of them now.

The kiss was brief but hard and Seojun had enough time to slip a hand around the back of Suho’s head, drawing him closer. When he pulled away, their foreheads pressed together. He swallowed.

“I want to play you something. Both of you,” Seojun said. If he didn’t do it now, he’d never get a more perfect opportunity to try. He led them into Suho’s music room - pausing briefly to squeeze Suho’s hand as the brief pain they shared flared up. Suho stood by the piano and Jugyeong sat on the stool with Seojun, her body warm and safe against his.

He played for the both of them, the song he’d tried to start and finish and rewrite over and over again in their months together. The honesty of it poured out in gentle piano chords and a deeper, pained but intimate voice. Seojun was so proud of it. Proud of them. When he was finished, he turned and smiled.

“Thank you,” Jugyeong said. She met him halfway and this kiss was the opposite of his first with Suho; gentle and slow. She chased his mouth, surprising Seojun, and they shared a laugh as they relaxed and tried again. When they broke away, Seojun sensed Suho coming to stand closer, and they sat on the sofa together for a while, tracing hands, lips, lines and scars still not quite faded.

“Let’s make our own path,” Jugyeong said brightly, head against Seojun’s shoulder, hand in Suho’s free one. His other hand curled around the sofa to reach the back of Seojun’s neck, where he toyed with the strands of hair, making Seojun shiver and lean into his touch. The quiet intimacy of it was irreplaceable. Seojun knew he’d found a home amongst the two of them.

They fell asleep in Suho’s bed, tired and happy, Jugyeong wrapping her arms around Seojun’s chest as Suho cradled her from behind. They drifted off into dreams, curled around each other; the stars scattered between the sun and moon to keep them connected.

[icysab]

boyfie things with han seojun returns at popular demand for a part three~!

@youlookprettywithoutmakeup i’ve noticed you’ve been following me for awhile, and i just want to say i rlly appreciate it!! here’s the part three you were asking about ^-^

may contain kdrama/webtoon spoilers

gender neutral reader

without further ado, here it is!!

- he lets you do his makeup if you want to!

- you don’t need to add blush because he’s already blushing

- he does your makeup once too

- secretly makes a list of your favorite things in his notes app and things like your starbucks order, etc

- he tells you he “just remembered” though

- if you guys were apart, you’d watch terrible movies together on an app like discord or screenshare on facetime or something and make fun of them together

- will give you his jacket if you’re cold— even the expensive leather jacket he doesn’t let anyone else touch

- he won’t hesitate to kill you though if you do anything to it

- he finds it infatuating how well you get along with gowoon and his mom

- oh and those two absolutely adore you

- he really, really likes your hands

- if you have smaller hands, he finds it cute, and if you have larger hands, he finds it hot.

- he absentmindedly plays with your hands

- two words: sharing earbuds.

- you have playlists for eachother

- at one point you just decide to get a duo spotify account

- he sprays his cologne on hoodies, etc before he gives them to you

- will always make space in his pockets for your things if you don’t have any

- loves listening to you talk about things you’re passionate about

- if you’re close with your family, he’d want to impress them so so so bad and be so worried about what they’d think of him

- but he’s great at charming parents and has nothing to worry about

- loves showering at your place so he can use your shampoo and smell like you

- he loves watching you do skincare, if you’re into that sort of thing

- if not, he’d make you establish a skincare routine

- if he didnt like something but you loved it he’d lie and pretend like he loves it too

- he’d shovel spicy food that he can’t handle down his throat if it meant making you happy <3

- late night gas station runs, sitting under the stars together

- he’d save up to take you to a really really nice restaurant for a special occasion

- doesn’t ever forget a birthday or anniversary

- he wouldn’t do much for month anniversaries though, unless you wanted him to

- likes to buy you things and see you smile at him

- he’d hear you talk about how you wanted a love letter and end up writing you one

- and it’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever read

- but you do make fun of his handwriting haha

- likes to study with you

- but not to actually study. no he likes that face you make when you’re thinking or confused.

- promises to grow old together <33

[tearsona]

true beauty | h.c. with fem!reader | part nine

a/n: omg long a/n but first of all, this is waaaay overdue. i know i’ve already probably lost more than half of my readers but this is for the remaining few (and me) who would like to know how the story ends!! i’m going tbh, i procrastinated writing this for way too long (i’ve been enjoying my break too much), and the worst also happened, i was working on this but the whole thing got deleted so this is my second time writing the whole thing rip :[

anyway i decided this last minute but as it turns out, there will be a part 10, more like a second part to part 9 / epilogue, bc the rest was supposed to be included in here buuuut i’m going to be away for the rest of the week and won’t be able to continue writing the rest of the scenes so the only time to post is now, since i know ppl have been waiting too long for an update and i didn’t want to keep that any longer (i know id only be stressing over it the whole week if i did jsdkf). so this one and the next part are going to be super duper short but i promise to work on the last as soon as i get back ok!! it won’t take another month!!! lol.

part one | part eight

this is the right thing to do, you think.

no, you’re certain. you’re going to talk to him.

you’re going to confess to seojun tonight. soon. in a few minutes. in a few steps ahead, to the left…

your hands start to get clammy in your pockets. you feel the weight of dread on your feet, like lead.

because even though you’re sure this is the best decision, it doesn’t mean that you’re coming home with a smile on your face afterwards. in a few months, perhaps you’ll thank yourself for having done the right thing, but tonight, it’s not going to feel like so. tonight, you’re going to get your heart broken. even more than it’s already been.

after all, you’re here to get rejected… and only then you’ll be able to move on - when you’re finally rid of the what if that’s been nagging at you for so long. because you realized it wasn’t jealousy or the wanting reciprocation that made your one-sided love so frustrating, it was mainly the suppression, the constant urge to spit it out knowing you couldn’t, that had built up through time and eventually pushed you to make such mistake. after all, feelings are like the weather - sometimes calm, sometimes wild, intense. unpredictable. what happens when you try to force them still and locked in the cramped space of your heart for too long?

at most, you think you can handle the rejection. but going through a conversation that would finally cement the end of your friendship, hearing seojun tell you how much he hates you, that you’re a terrible person, or anything along those lines - will you be able to bear it?

because isn’t that what he’d asked to meet you for? to express his anger towards you? to get closure? especially since it’s been a month without talking - you know that that much time apart allows a lot of space for anything, like regrets, breakdowns, and kissing other people… or seojun finally realizing that he deserves better than you.

but there’s no running away though, because you’ve already agreed to meet with him, and you owe him to at least show up after having practically ghosted him. you’re doing it, but also not just because you need to - you’d be lying if you said that there wasn’t even a tiny bit in you that’s looking forward to talk to him, not a selfish part that’s silently hoping for the zero chance that the boy would be willing to put all of this behind for a chance to restart.

when you reach the place, seojun is already there like he said, but he fails to hear your footsteps over his thoughts. you pause at a distance, allowing yourself a while to stare at him and a bittersweet smile tugs at your lips as you do so. you try to let it sink in - seojun waiting for you here… you and him, sharing the same space, un-against your will, not actively avoiding each other like it hasn’t been for the longest time. you wish you could have a longer moment where you can pretend that the past few weeks never happened at all and, right now, you’re just two best friends casually meeting up on a friday night.

you swallow the lump in your throat when the moment is over.

but before you can even gather the courage to make another step, seojun finally takes notice of your presence. when your eyes meet, you see the mild surprise that flits across his face before he’s pushing himself off the bench almost abruptly. he wonders how long you’ve been standing there.

you lumber towards his spot.

“hey,” you greet faintly once you’ve stopped in front of him. “you wanted to talk…”

the tension that immediately fills the air is thick, just a slight bit nauseating. you look up at him apprehensively and brace yourself for it - it’s only a matter of seconds before the harsh words come out of his mouth. before he confirms all of your expectations.

but it doesn’t come.

suddenly, instead, you feel yourself getting tugged by the arm until seojun is engulfing your smaller frame in his, and immediately your body goes stiff. ultimately, his scent washes over you like a wave, permeating all of your senses and clouding your brain. you almost blurt out an i love you right there, under the influence of his cologne alone.

when your brain has somewhat unscrambled itself, you finally lift your hand to rest on his back in an awkward attempt to reciprocate, causing him to tighten his embrace. he moves one of his hands to cradle the back of your head - an innocent gesture that has your mind spinning. you can feel his heart hammering against both your chests but it’s easy to mistake it as your own when it’s doing the same; in fact, you almost fail to catch his next words over the roaring of your own heartbeat in your ears.

“i miss you,” he mutters; the deepness of his voice and the way his throat vibrates against your shoulder send shivers down your spine. however, you try to focus more on his words - you debate whether you’ve heard it wrong or not as you can hardly believe it; this is obviously the opposite of what you’d been expecting this whole time, and even different from what you’d been used to - hugs were a rarity in your friendship. as well as i miss you’s.

seojun. misses. you.

your eyes sting but you will yourself to hold back. because you’d been so in denial, you never realized just how much you’d been waiting to hear those words during the past month. you’d convinced yourself that you were thankful he’d never called you once in your time apart because it made your situation easier, but deep down it hurt that he wasn’t even trying.

you immediately miss the warmth when he pulls away.

“y/n,” seojun breathes, looking at you with eyes so apologetic you almost feel pity. it takes a few more seconds before he speaks again. “i’m sorry… i realized i was such a terrible friend to you. i—”

“i’m sorry i made you feel like you were a terrible friend,” you immediately cut off, much to his surprise. you couldn’t stand to listen to him apologize when you believe with your whole chest that everything has been your fault. but just like you, this isn’t what seojun had seen coming from the other. truthfully, he’d expected you to be unforgiving, mad like you had been that night. instead, you add, “you’d done nothing wrong…”

you walk past him to take a seat on the bench that he was previously sitting on and he follows. silence lingers in the air for a few moments, both eyes now settled in front rather than the other beside. there’s so much to say that you don’t know where to begin, but you don’t feel the pressure or rush to do so. in fact, you feel a sense of familiar comfort just from sitting next to each other, despite there still being a bunch of words to be said.

words that could still possibly ruin the hopes of rekindling your friendship, you think.

“i didn’t know what you were going through…” seojun says, breaking your train of thought, “i could’ve helped you get the job… i should’ve paid more attention or asked how you were. i get why you were so disappointed. i’m sorry.”

“don’t be, it’s not your fault,” you say earnestly. seojun turns to you but you have your eyes pinned to the ground, feeling the guilt in your chest rise further the more he blames himself. it seems you’d caused him to believe that he wasn’t a good enough friend and you hate yourself for that. maybe you’d rather him be mad at you than sorry after all. you’d left your friendship thinking it would be for the better, managed to convince yourself that you were only putting yourself first as you should, but in reality, you’d handled things so cowardly that it only ended up hurting the both of you.

“how were you supposed to know about it when i never shared anything? you’re not a mind reader, seojun. don’t beat yourself up over it… i mean it,” you say, turning to him with a look of sincerity, “i was going through a lot then, but it was wrong to take it out on you. you were a great friend though. i promise.”

seojun presses his lips together in a line, feeling his heart swell at your words. “still,” he insists, “i could’ve been better, i know it. and i was insensitive with the things i said. i hurt your feelings. but i didn’t mean them that way - i didn’t mean to imply you were unlikable. or unattractive. at all. i… i don’t think you are. i want you to know that.”

you wish the butterflies in your stomach would stop fluttering at such an inappropriate time. over the bare minimum too. and so what if seojun just said that he didn’t think you were unattractive? it doesn’t mean anything. wait ‘til you get rejected later.

“i got defensive, i didn’t understand why at that time, i don’t want to make excuses but… i guess i just didn’t want to entertain the thought of—” seojun swallows, eyes previously settled below lifting to meet yours again with somewhat a hopeful look, “—suho liking you.”

you frown at his last words in particular, feeling just a bit embarrassed over it while failing to get what he was trying to hint at. you really hadn’t meant to make suho a big deal that night, you’d merely been trying to get your point across at that time, but it could have been anyone. and after what had occurred between you and the other boy, hearing the words suho and liking and you altogether in one sentence just felt awkward.

“okay,” you reply quietly. but seojun doesn’t think you really understood it the way he’d meant it; he wants to tell you, that the reason why he didn’t like the idea of suho liking you isn’t the one that he knows you’re thinking - just the obvious that he carries a lot of bitter feelings towards the boy - but another. however, even at this time where he’s supposed to be honest about everything he feels concerning your friendship, even at this perfect opportunity, he still can’t seem to have the guts to tell you the words that his heart wants to say the most. mainly because he just realized that he has no idea how things currently are between you and suho, and confessing might just end up making things more complicated. he wrestles with the thought.

seojun immediately thinks about the kiss, and it feels as though someone’s fist had clenched around his heart - it happens every time. but it only gets worse upon hearing your next words: “it’s okay, you know, even if you really didn’t. see me that way, i mean. friends aren’t supposed to anyway.”

“right,” he mutters, disappointment evident in the way he drops his gaze to his lap from yours. it’s as if the wind had blown the words straight back down from the tip of his tongue to his chest, because he no longer feels like saying it, at all. in fact, he’ll bury it there if he must, if it meant he could at least go back to being friends with you again. just like he’s done in the past.

“i broke that rule though,” you say after the dragged silence, as calmly as you can, as if your stomach isn’t currently twisting in knots over what you’re about to say next. “seojun, i got mad at you because… i liked you.”

as you expected, seojun’s head snaps up over the admission. you begin to feel even more self-conscious now that you’re under his gaze, but you will yourself not to let your nerves get the best of you and continue what you’ve started. “i liked you and i got… jealous because you kept talking about the girl you liked right in front of my face, and it was just… i was already having a bad week - bad night, and one thing kept piling into another… the makeup, the job, and then just… i couldn’t take it anymore, when you talked about suho only seeing me as a friend, i knew you said that because that was how you saw me… and it just hit, i guess.”

when you finish, you find that seojun’s lips are parted slightly, eyes wide and blinking like he’s unable to fathom what you’d just said. twice, he opens his mouth to say something just to swallow it back down. it seems that he’s hesitating over his words, or having trouble finding them. eventually though, he manages to let out, “you liked me?”

you bite your lip and hum, “i like you. present tense,” you say slowly, enunciating every syllable whilst keeping your eyes fixated on him for the reaction. he looks stunned still, and though his expression says a lot, the lack of verbal response still keeps whatever’s actually going on in his mind unclear. you feel flustered and drop your gaze to your fidgeting hands at once.

your heart doesn’t stop pounding as though it wants to break out of your ribcage but you manage to say the next words without your voice shaking so much. “when they asked you to pick between love and friendship during that trip, i think that’s when it started going bad. before then, i’d thought i had a firm grip on my feelings. i mean, even through all the people you’ve dated i was fine,” you sigh, closing your eyes for a second longer, “i didn’t just start ignoring you because i was mad at you. i just thought it would be better if… if we weren’t friends. even though i ended up being wrong anyway.”

at this point, you can’t bring yourself to look at him anymore so you don’t, but as you’re waiting for him to say something, anything, you can’t help but be highly aware of his eyes boring into your cheek and it makes you ill at ease. you mentally shudder at the fact that you’d just overshared, but you’re not sure if you regret it completely. still, it takes him an agonizing minute before he responds that you almost lose your mind.

“why didn’t you tell me?” he prompts; you attempt to interpret the color in his tone but can’t, thankfully when you look at him he doesn’t seem to be judging you. instead, his eyes remain intense but gentle, and you allow yourself to relax just a little bit at that.

“for the same reason why most people can’t tell their crushes they like them. i’m sure you know what it’s like,” you chuckle sheepishly. somehow, calling seojun a crush is even more embarrassing than all of what you’d said so far before it combined. “i’m not that bold, you know. and i didn’t to want make you uncomfortable just ‘cause you couldn’t like me the way i did, and risk our friendship changing,” you explain truthfully, “but i guess i still ended up ruining it anyway, i still couldn’t bring myself to tell you in the end and just… ran away from it, sorry.”

seojun nods, but now the expression on his face has changed into something more unreadable, and you hate every second that ticks by knowing that he’s probably feeling guilty, perhaps trying to come up with words to let you down without hurting you. what he doesn’t know though is that you’ve already prepared yourself for it; you’ve already imagined every horrible scene that could possibly roll out while on your way here, and the fact that he hasn’t called you mean things or yelled at your face even once means this is already the best scenario out of them all, meaning you’ll be alright. with that, you amend, “i don’t want you to feel bad for me. i’m just doing this so you can reject me and i can move on.”

you swear that was a smile on his face just now. unfortunately, it disappeared quicker than you could make sure.

“what if i don’t want you to move on though?” seojun asks with a playful edge in his tone, elbow lightly nudging your side but it doesn’t touch because you’re a little bit too far apart. further, he prods, “what if i want you to keep liking me?”

you stare at him incredulously, trying to decipher him. it seems that he’s finally changing back to his more confident self - to the best friend you knew. perhaps he’s trying to alleviate the tense atmosphere into something more cheerful, make you feel less embarrassed; or maybe joking is his attempt at reassuring you that things can still be friendly between you two despite how you feel about him; and you appreciate that - you’re more than relieved to know that he’s fine with all of this - but you wonder if teasing you is the best response he can do to your confession; if he’s avoiding rejecting you because he can’t.

you try to hide your disappointment by huffing out a laugh, “you’re cruel like that?”

“hmm, well…” he muses, “earlier you said you couldn’t tell me your feelings sooner because you didn’t want to make me uncomfortable but…” he pauses, and you watch him dubiously as he slides himself closer until your arms are touching, “what if i liked you back? did you not ever consider that?”

you frown. all of a sudden he’s flirting with you. you would think he’s asking you these questions because he’s genuinely curious, but the restrained smile ghosting his features, like he knows something you don’t, makes you think that he’s simply finding this whole thing funny - of course, you, out of people, having feelings for him must be such a plot twist - and here he is, taking delight in his ability to disarm you. what makes it worse is that even as you’re aware, even if you should be feeling offended by what he’s doing for his own amusement, your heart doesn’t follow - seojun’s flirtatious, hypothetical prodding seems to be taking its intended effect on you.

“well, you didn’t,” is eventually all you reply, fully intending to sound as harsh as you could, and then looking away. “stop.”

“stop what?”

“do you think this is a joke?” you snap as you glower at him, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks. whether you’re blushing over the hypothetical, impossible possibility of seojun liking you - or if it’s due to your irritation, you don’t know. “stop… playing me.”

he’s silent. after a moment, you give in to the urge to take a peek at him and immediately regret it. because now he’s full-blown smiling, and you haven’t seen him do it in so long it somehow takes the breath out of your lungs. you blink, thoroughly dazed for a protracted moment. “w- what?”

“i said, give me your hand,” he repeats, and as if hypnotized, you obey without question. when he places it against his chest you feel it, the rapid beat of his heart, and it’s just like yours. your frown falters by a tiny fraction. “well?”

“well what?” you ask, dumbfounded.

“it’s been like this since you said you liked me,” he urges. and then, he says the next words to you as you had done earlier - slowly, and clearly, “i like you, y/n. i was being serious.”

you gulp and withdraw your hand from his, suddenly unable to make eye contact. “how? i thought you…” you trail off. liked jugyeong, you wanted to say.

“i know, i haven’t been completely honest with my feelings either,” he admits, “but i’ve liked you for a long time. even before all of the people i’ve dated… and through all of them,” he says, and it sounds too good to be true; seojun catches the flicker of doubt in your face even as you want so badly to believe him. “i guess i just didn’t know i did until… well, i mean, i kind of already knew it long ago, but… it’s a bit complicated.” you can tell he’s struggling to put his feelings into words by the way he sighs. and then, as if struck with an idea, he perks up, “let me prove it to you.”

you bite the inside of your cheek and try not to seem too eager when you stare at him.

“go out with me,” he says with a gentle but nervous smile, lightly tugging at the cuff of your hoodie like a kind child, before he adds, “let’s go on dates, y/n… as a guy and girl.”

you think your heart stops beating for a millisecond; you feel the familiar flutters through your stomach, only now wilder than ever. seojun looks solemn enough with his suggestion, but you realize you haven’t even thought that far yet - to be honest, you’ve still yet to process the fact that he doesn’t hate you, after all that’s happened.

there’s so much to think about, so many things to consider, but you don’t let any of that hold you back from the thing you’ve always wanted - longed for. after a thoughtful moment, you nod, and seojun’s previously tense face immediately breaks out into a grin.

“okay…” he breathes.

“okay,” you repeat, biting back a smile.

and then silence comes; you look away, shy. it seems to have hit you both at the same time - that you’d just agreed to go on dates with each other. apart from the earliest days of your friendship, you don’t think you’ve ever seen seojun look so shy in front of you. you feel a sudden thrill of excitement knowing that it’s because of you. you make him nervous. because he likes you, apparently. and now suddenly, everything feels odd… but the good kind.

later into the comfortable quietness, seojun clears his throat and breaks you out of your reverie. “hey, about that thing you said…” he starts and you quirk a brow in curiosity. “when i picked love over friendship, you should’ve known i was only trying to get on suho’s nerves,” he jokingly admits, earning a chuckle and an eyeroll from you.

“both are equally important to me though,” he continues, pausing for a thoughtful second, “but… you’re the most important to me, you know. and if i did mean it - if i had to choose, like, i really had to… whatever i end up picking, love over friendship or the other way around - it doesn’t matter. i can’t explain it, but i’d choose you over both of them. or whichever you are.”

that was… unexpected. you huff, tilting your head so your hair can fall and provide your reddening cheeks with some measure of a cover. you nudge his arm and say, “must you be so cheesy?”

when you think about it though, it makes sense. you’re not quite sure how, but to you, seojun, too, had always been more than just a best friend, and not merely because you had feelings for him - ‘friend’ had always felt too small of a label when you think about the bond you share with this person. you have a lot of friends, and none of them could ever compare, or is as special to you as seojun and suho are, who have been with you through thick and thin. seojun was your number one, your first choice, your go-to; he was the exception to a lot of things - maybe soulmate would be the closest term to call it, if it were real.

seojun laughs, reaching over swiftly but somehow hesitantly, to sweep your hair back behind your shoulder - another innocent gesture that wreaks havoc with the rhythm of your heartbeat - leaving the spot on your cheek his fingers had grazed tingling. you swear you could kiss him right now.

and it’s like he’s thinking the same thing. slowly, his smile fades, gaze still holding yours; the silence shifts, deepens, and when his eyes flicker down to your lips and he inches closer ever-so-slightly, you realize there’s nothing like this - like the anticipation of kissing someone you really like. it’s a new kind of butterflies you feel. a different kind of thrill. 

but before he can actually lean in closer, you feel it - first on your eyelashes, and then your cheek. you look away, much to the other’s disappointment, and extend your hand into the air, feeling the droplets of water on the palm of your hand.

“it’s drizzling,” you point out, turning to face him. but seojun’s eyes never left your face. you stand up as soon as you feel more raindrops come, pulling your hoodie over your head before reaching out to take ahold of his wrist. “let’s go.”

you drag him to the nearest cover, running towards the convenience store not too far from the place. finally, you’re in front of the entrance under its roof, narrowly missing the rain that had just started pouring louder and heavier.

“that was close,” he mutters.

“yeah,” you sigh in relief, nodding towards the store, “let’s go buy an umbrella and walk home?”

a thoughtful pause. seojun has another thing in mind.

“or,” he smirks, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “i’ll race you,” he suggests, so coolly that it didn’t register quick enough that he was actually challenging you. one moment he’s there to see the confusion flashing across your face, but by the time realization dawns, he’d already taken off, giggling several feet away from you. 

“wha—hey!”

[twicelq]

the cast of true beauty is a masterpiece

like or reblog if u save

[girlsdit]

like or reblog

[justanotherwriter243]

Carnation (prt1) - Han Seojun x Reader

A/N: im back?? hello to my 3 followers. i love you guys. i’ve missed writing. This piece is from the kdrama True Beauty! def worth watching. you can watch the first few episodes for free on Viki <3  also. the coloring in this gif is so pretty!! Feel free to message me if you have a question, if u would like to know more about the story, or if u just wanna talk.

Summary: You run into Seojun at the worst possible moment.

Disclaimer: i’m using the names from webtoon but im following the kdrama timeline. im not caught up w the webtoon. no use of y/n. gn reader.

Warnings: potential spoilers for ep. 5 & 6, swearing, one-sided (or is it), mutual pining, bad flower knowledge haha

Word count: 2.2k

prt 1 -> prt 2 -> epilogue

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Dianthus Caryophyllus; commonly known as the carnation or clove pink, a species of Dianthus. Coined by greek botanist Theophrastus, and is derived from the Ancient Greek words for divine and flower. Light red carnations represent admiration, while dark red denote deep love and affection.

Your feet are hardly touching the floor as you float through the packed mall. You make your way around a slow walking group of friends, annoyed by their lack of movement. 

Shit shit shit shit--

It was supposed to snow today. That’s what your phone had told you, anyway. There was no way in hell you were missing this.

You curse yourself as you nearly stumble into an elderly couple. A quick bow and apology and you’re on your way.

Please, hold on a little bit longer!

Everyone knew what the implications of the first snowfall held. Especially watching it with a potential significant other. . People had been arranging dates with one another since the first mention of snow this coming winter. Shyly approaching their crush to suggest the action. Blushing at the thought of staying together throughout the season. True love blossoming in their hearts as they did so. 

One glance at the pile of people near the elevator and you decide to take the stairs instead.

You yourself were not immune to the giddy thought. Nor the countless boys who’d ask to spend the day with you. Coming up to you during lunch or in between classes and letting a cheesy line slip out of their mouths and into your ears. Regretful grimaces found their way onto both parties’ faces when you turned them down as best you could without hurting their feelings. 

You weave your way through the people in the mall’s food court. Nearly sending someone’s tray of food to the floor. This time though, you have no time to bow. Rather, you shout an apology as they glare back at you. 

Your friends would complain to you about your efforts to turn potential lovers away. You, however, knew it was all worth it when Gu Seung-joon, the pretty boy with long hair from class 2-3, had asked to spend the day with you. He had walked up to you at the bus station after school, making conversation when he suddenly asked if you had anybody to spend the upcoming weekend with. One you both knew could potentially hold the first snowfall. 

“I’m always free!”

The words came out awkwardly loud before you could give them any thought. His lips only quirked up as he told you, ‘perfect’ and pulled out his phone for you to type your number into.

Now, you were pushing at the glass doors of the entrance as you rushed to find him. The day was getting cloudy and your nerves rose as the temperature fell. You felt your phone buzz in your pocket and you scrambled to unlock it. 

Unfortunately for you--or maybe not--at this very moment, Seojun had been chasing after Jugyeong, who was running from both him and Suho. All of your attention was held by your phone. Which you had now unlocked and were frantically typing out a response to Seung-joon’s message. 

So frantically so, that you don’t notice the sidewalk ahead of you that had buckled where the two large rectangles met. You fail to pick up your foot in time and stumble as it hits the risen sidewalk. A puff of air releases itself from your chest as Seojun’s frame crashes into yours, making your phone hit the concrete hard. 

The collision is so harsh, in fact, that it nearly sends both of you to the ground with it. Instinctively, his hands wrap around your body, clutching onto you for balance. Your hands come up clumsily to his chest, shaking as you do the same. They end up on his shirt, absent-mindedly gripping him closer. 

You can feel his breath on your skin as he attempts to regain it. You wonder for a second if he can feel how hard your heart is beating. Your eyes meet and you think that maybe you’ve bumped into each other all over again. Bodies pummeling together once more. Your heart leaps up to your throat and skips a beat or two. His eyes flicker between both of yours. You search your brain for words but come up blank. His adam apple bobs.

You had recognized him. Of course you had, you were in the same class after all. Even in his absence, you never failed to spot him at any of Gowoon’s performances. Regardless of what part she sang. Being in the school’s choir granted you the opportunity of encountering him at such performances. He’d stand there, waiting for her to come off the stage. Usually with a bouquet of flowers and a flashy smile. Embracing Gowoon with one arm and holding the flowers with the other. The flowers grew in quantity with every new song his sister sang. So much so that Gowoon took it upon herself to pass out single flowers to those she deemed worthy. 

You’ll never forget the day Seojun came up to you, holding a light red carnation in hand, cheeks rosy. Complementing the flower. It was the lightest one he could find. Not quite pink but a softer, more dull red.

“Gowoon wanted you to have this,” he sounded annoyed but the heat in his face said otherwise. You simply nodded as you took the flower from his fingers.

“Give her my thanks, will you?” 

When you went home that evening, you couldn’t help your fingers’ gliding as they typed into google “what do carnations mean?” Your curiosity had gotten the best of you. Heat arose in your body when you became aware of the meaning behind them. He had filled all of your thoughts for the rest of that week.

Not to mention that, recently, he had been the talk of the whole school. You couldn’t help it. Rumours had spread about him and Jugyeong; In a love triangle with Suho and the girl, secretly dating, given up his motorcycle for her. You had even heard that he gotten himself into a street fight with a gang leader to keep her safe. You hadn’t paid them much attention until now. Information about him piling into your brain all at once. 

Seojun, however, couldn’t say the same about you. He had no clue who you were or why you seemed so familiar. Didn’t stop the butterflies he felt in his stomach, though. They fluttered up into his throat, making it close up. His usual quick-witted self gone. All he could do was stare at you as he furiously attempted to shove the bugs back down so he could breathe once more. All that came to mind was how nicely your jacket collar framed your face. 

The two of you observe the other, both thinking the exact same thing. Why had you bumped into each other now? And why was the person holding you close so pretty? Granted, the latter applied mostly to Seojun. You force yourself out of the trance. 

Before you can spit out apologetic words, though, something white floats down from the air and lands on his cheek, right below his slender eye. Your eyes follow the substance as it melts and slides down his skin. Your mouth is motionless as another snowflake kisses his nose. Then another in his hair. The opposite cheek. And another on his top lip, where your eyes linger for a little too long. 

When the wet matter finally falls on your own skin, you’re hit with the realization that it’s snowing. Your eyes go up, your chin following, and as does his. Once again, air leaves your lips. This causes Seojun’s gaze to fall onto them. When your eyes connect with his again, there is no denying the disappointment in his face. No doubt your expression mirrors his. 

The two of you come to an unspoken understanding then that neither of you had planned to be in this situation with one another. It happened, though, and there was no denying the fact.

He blinks when he realizes how long the two of you have been intertwined. Drawing his gaze anywhere but you, his hands unwind themselves from your waist. He clears his throat and sticks his hands in his pockets when he can’t find a comfortable position. You suddenly become aware of your own hands, still grasping his shirt. You drop them quickly and wipe the sweat from them on your pants. Regardless of how cold your hands feel on your thighs. 

“I’m sorry,” the sorrow in your voice causes his head to look at you. Genuine remorse fills both of you. You aren’t apologizing for bumping into him. 

His relationship with Jugyeong was complicated, you knew that much. It wasn’t hard to tell that he liked her by the way he stared at her when he thought no one else was looking. The way worry filled his chest whenever she seemed upset. The jealousy flaring in his nostrils when she gravitated towards Suho. The giddy that filled his voice when they teased each other. Or even when his pink lips pulled into a smile at the mention of her. Not that you had meant to stare. Honestly, how could you not notice when he was so devastatingly obvious about it?

Okay, fine. Maybe you had a small crush on Seojun. To be fair, though, everyone had a crush on Seojun at some point. He was handsome and charming. People were drawn to him. You figured you should probably get over him at some point, but it was difficult to do so considering how hard it is to avoid him. Even as you began to notice his infatuation for the new girl, your heart fluttered whenever you’d spot him in the audience of a performance. Sometimes, you’d even go the extra mile to look cute just to see if he would say anything. See if he handed you a dark red carnation this time. 

He never did, and while your heart ached at the thought, you had gained the attention of other boys. Other boys like Seung-joon. Seung-joon, who had been waiting for you in the cold to watch the snow together. Seung-joon who had actually chosen you over anyone in his class. No, anyone in the entire school. And yet, here you were, feet stuck to the ground awaiting Seojun’s response. One you knew you’d be disappointed by, but still eagerly listened for it. 

He glances over your shoulder. His jaw clenches. You can’t help but turn your head in the direction. You see what he’s staring at. A good few feet behind you, stand Im Jugyeong and Ru Hyung Jin, the baseball player, holding hands as they watch snow hit the cold ground. 

When you look back at him, he sighs loudly and looks to the floor. 

“Don’t be,” an eyebrow goes up and you take note of the disheartened tone in his voice. It’s harmonious. As if he’s singing a song. Air gliding through his vocal cords to create the sound that reaches your ears. 

His eyes look you up and down as he takes you in. You’ve now put a good distance between you two. Letting the snow fill the space.

“Are you okay?” 

Are you okay?

Your head shakes ‘no’ and he almost looks worried for a second.

“I’m not hurt,” your words are careful. His eyes narrow in curiosity. 

Before he can say anything else, though, your phone buzzes from on the sidewalk. Which was now turning dark gray as more snow dampened it. Your phone lays dead center between the two of you, your case stares back at you. Like it’s waiting to see who will make the first move. You feel as if your phone mocks you, like it had planned this. Planned to ring right as Seojun was racing in your direction. The cause for the crash. Have your mind revert back to when your silly crush was all you could think of. Right when you had seemingly gotten over it. 

Fear rushes your body as you think of the damage caused to the screen. Both you and Seojun crouch down at the same time to grab it. Hands brushing as you reach it, fingers ghosting over one anothers. You look up at him and he does the same. His eyes are piercing and intimidating. Right then they widen, and his eyebrows quickly flash up as he takes you in. Almost as if he recognizes you. Light catches on his earrings and the sound of them dangling snaps you out of your thoughts. 

You take the phone from his hand and get up as fast as you can. You bow as soon as you’re standing straight, settling for silence rather than risking something stupid coming out of your mouth. 

He stands and watches as you walk off. His eyes don’t move even when you glance back at him over your shoulder. Your buzzing phone rings through the air and you regretfully pick up a call from Seung-joon. He asks you where you are and you finally turn away from Seojun. Whose teeth are gritted, hissing through them when he sees you run off.

.

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prt 2

[cptindanvers]

opening requests for stranger things back up! please feel free to request as much as you'd like :]

characters I write for include

platonic & romantic:

steve harrington

robin buckley

nancy wheeler

jonathan byers

+

platonic & selective romantic

eleven

max mayfield

& the rest of the party

also working on true beauty + accepting new requests as well!

lee suho

lim jugyeong

& han seojun

[barbenheimer-core]

AUDERE EST FACERE !

둘. balenciaga : part one — 3.6k words

Getting used to the new way of things definitely wasn't as easy as she thought it would be. There was no guidebook available to advise her on how to live in a fictional, but very, very real world where the people she knew were reduced to mere caricatures of what they once had been.

She wasn't even kidding. If she thought she had already seen the worst of it when her mother had yelled at her brother, oh boy was she mistaken.

As she had come to find out, no matter if she was in the right or wrong, Ahyeong was no exception when it came to being at the other end of her mother's disappointment.

It became apparent when Hwayoung had arrived at the ER to collect her daughter following a phone call from the receptionist alerting her of Ahyeong's injury.

Drowsy from painkillers and weighed down by the heavy cast on her ankle, Ahyeong gripped the crutch at her side as she walked to her mother's car in the parking lot. The bruising on her foot had looked awful at first, but upon further checking and x-ray scans, her bone was only fractured and the discolouration was the result of the harsh impact on concrete.

Her mother had been eerily quiet ever since she had picked her up at the gate, but as Driver Oh — her parents' designated chauffeur — embarked on the way to their home, Mother finally broke the silence.

Ahyeong didn't know what she was expecting. No, wait, she knew exactly what she expected to hear: the same words her mother had told her when she had scraped her knees on asphalt when she had been a little girl trying to learn how to ride a bike for the first time, asking if she was feeling okay, or if it hurt too much.

Instead, what she got from her mother was: "I wasn't expecting this from you."

Despite the internal heaters of the car that provided respite against the chill of the night, the air around them felt impossibly cold.

"How could you be so careless? Getting injured right before school? If this is your way of rebelling against me, let me tell you, young lady, it will not work," she scoffed.

"Perhaps I've been too ignorant in letting you out of the house so freely. From now on, you're to ask for my permission every time you decide to leave the house. Understand?"

She didn't even wait for her daughter's response and continued on, jaw set in annoyance as she almost spat her next words, "And also, next time you decide to afflict yourself on your escapades, call the housekeeper to get you instead. I had to leave a conference with foreign investors just to pick you up. Honestly, you call yourself my daughter. I wonder what I did wrong in raising you that you ended up like this."

Ahyeong looked on, processing the poisonous words that pricked her skin, and accepted one of the many cruel realities of her situation.

Song Hwayoung, a businesswoman with expectations that were higher than the tallest mountains and a personality as explosive as active volcanoes.

That was the woman sitting across from her at that moment, not her mother.

Her sigh was barely heard over the static hum of the engine and passing vehicles. This was definitely going to take a while.

If she thought that she would be cut slack with a fractured ankle and be left alone to wallow in her thoughts, she was terribly wrong.

New world meant new info, things that didn't exist before but existed here in this world. Thank whatever entity existed in the cosmos that the Internet was created, because Ahyeong didn't think she would've known half the things she did now if she hadn't seen the news feed on all her SNS accounts — which thankfully were the same — feeding her with all she missed out on.

First order of business was finding more information about whatever may be relevant to the story she was dropped in. For better or for worse, Ahyeong instinctively knew that she was going to be a big part of whatever charade she was thrown into, and if she went into this blind as a bat, she was bound to crash and burn. Even if she could find a way to get out of here, and it really was a dream (her ankle vehemently protested against that fact), she was not counting on false hopes and delusion. So in order of relevancy, it was.

One person that jumped in her SNS feed far more times than she could ignore was Jung Seyeon. She knew the gist of it; a friend of Suho and Seojun, debuted idol with a soulful voice and wonderful personality, ruined by falsities and someone's needless hate.

Upon laborious scrolling and exploration of trending tags, she gathered that it had been his birthday yesterday, the first after his untimely death the previous year, which also explained the memorial she had seen the other day while on the verge of falling.

What disturbed her was that she had stood in the same place as Seyeon, same building, same roof. It put Suho's reaction into perspective when he had found her, and further mounted her guilt in bringing up bad memories.

Digging up things she needed to know about the story — which was more inclined towards the drama than the webtoon; she had just started watching the show when she'd been swept away so her foreknowledge didn't really count for much — also meant that eventually, she would end up finding out something or the other about herself too. Which she did. She found out a lot of things, on the Internet and also in real life from people she was rather horrified to be associated with.

"Young Miss, you have guests. Shall I send them up?"

Eunjung knocked on her door to get her attention, relaying her message, and waited for her response with all the patience of a saint. She was a godsend and the Song heir couldn't be more grateful for her being present in the family.

Meanwhile, Ahyeong frowned, a confused look passing her features for a second.

Guests?

People coming over to the Song Mansion was not unheard of, but it was rare, and they were all either her parents' acquaintances or some of her brother's classmates. Ahyeong wasn't big on inviting people to her house or making friends beyond the usual superficial ones. She had a few who she loved having around, but never at her house.

Maybe they heard of her injury and came over to check? Dohwa hadn't texted her in a long while — was his number still in her phone? — so he probably visited?

Ahyeong lit up in excitement and sat up in her desk chair — her ankle had gotten considerably better and the cast would be off in a few days — and nodded at Eunjung, who almost chuckled at her eagerness and went downstairs to lead the guests up to her room.

She needed some semblance of familiarity from before and Dohwa was perfect for it. He even was Ahyeong's partner-in-crime when they read the True Beauty webtoon together in the rare days off that they had in the library, so maybe, just maybe, Dohwa would remember.

They didn't know each other too well, only bonding over trash romance manhwas that he dug up from the deepest corners of Seulli High — her former school; she had transferred to Saebom now, albeit unwillingly — but she liked to think he really did care about her.

Footsteps echoed up on polished stairs, advancing towards her bedroom located at the end of the west wing, and Ahyeong was almost vibrating with nerves at the implications of her train of thought.

She might not be the only one who was self-aware — that's what she had come to call this phenomenon — and quite frankly, she was counting on the fact that she didn't have to suffer through this alone.

Misery loves company and all that.

Well, turns out, the misery part of that statement was going to be more prominent when her guests stepped in through the door and Song Ahyeong recognized a gaggle of faces that definitely did not belong to Dohwa.

"Oh my goodness, Ahyeong-ah! Long time no see! I heard you were back so I came to see you! It's been so lonely without you, years go by so fast. How was New York?"

"Did you get souvenirs?"

"Did you really meet that hotshot makeup artist Selly? I saw your post on SNS. Waah, you're really living the life."

Fragile hope that had bloomed in her chest shattered into a million pieces, being flooded by a wave of horrified realization at the presence of the group of girls in her room.

She had been trying to deny it, pretending that she hadn't seen and read what she had, that the description was just that way because of a trick of light, that her eyes hadn't been working, her mind had been frenzied in panic.

Song Ahyeong, The Bully.

As Park Semi and her gang of tormentors stood in front of her with lips painted crimson and sharp teeth gleaming with an unnatural whiteness, Ahyeong realized just what type of crowd she was supposed to be a part of here.

The smile was ever-present on her face, cheeks aching from keeping it up for so long. Having moved their long-awaited meeting to the parlour on the first floor (damn that girl was rich), Semi's hands moved in elaborate gestures to demonstrate her encounters with their favourite victim- er, classmate, Im Jugyeong.

After three long years, Ahyeong was back. The queen b, the it-girl, the ideal student, her "best friend": Song fucking Ahyeong.

Honestly, Semi almost forgot the girl existed. Seeing the Song Heir trending on SNS for having landed back in Seoul was a shock for the girl who had been trying to establish herself as the person-in-charge after Ahyeong had left.

Semi had been trying so damn hard to build her reputation from scratch and was finally at the point where everyone in the surrounding neighbourhoods knew her as "Park Semi" instead of "one of Song Ahyeong's lackeys". But of course, the bitch just had to come back and ruin all her hard work.

She had to restrain herself from turning her smile into an ugly scowl.

She wouldn't do it, though. More like she couldn't, couldn't afford to burn the bridge that she had so painstakingly formed in middle school to rise from the rear end of the social ladder, going from an invisible nobody to a person who turned heads wherever she walked.

And when the opportunity presented itself, she seized Ahyeong's reputation in her absence and made it her own.

How could she keep it up now? How could she manage to compare to her when people kissed the very ground Ahyeong walked on?

Her smile wavered, fingers clenching around the handle of the teacup as she looked at the girl sitting in front of her on a chair that looked akin to a throne, calmly listening to one of the others talk about a particularly funny prank on the class pig with an amicable smile on her face.

The years had done her well, she grumbled in her mind. Ahyeong had gotten noticeably taller. Her occasional ventures into the modelling industry were justified. She'd seen those editorials in high-end fashion magazines. Semi wouldn't be surprised if her height counted in the 170's. It was a far cry from her own small stature.

Moreover, her aristocratic features were sharper and finely regal, lips perfectly plump and full of colour, the natural flush on cheeks that complimented her skin, her elegant posture and long dainty fingers that curled around the teacup, nails impeccably manicured, long legs crossed at her ankles.

For shit's sake, Ahyeong had no flaws. She was the epitome of perfection, anywhere she went, she belonged.

Semi scoffed in her mind, cogs already turning in her mind and forging the beginnings of a plan.

Enjoy the time you've got now, bitch. I'm going to make sure you run back to whatever hole you came from.

Calm. She looked calm. At first glance, that is. People didn't usually try to look deeper into appearances and took everything at face value.

Never had Ahyeong been so grateful for the ignorant nature of human beings.

Her hands looked normal. No, they were shaking with tremors as she tried to control them by clenching them around her cup until her knuckles turned white.

Her face looked passive. Her eyes were dry from not blinking for so long in fear that one of them would do something unsavoury the moment her eyes closed.

She looked fine. No, because she knew for a fact that she was staving off a panic attack.

Bullies. Fucking bullies, tormentors, tyrants, thugs, why the fuck were they in her house and talking to her like she belonged with them?

Her chest was constricting in odd ways, throat clogging up painfully.

When was the last time she breathed?

Was the parlour always this small?

Their mouths were moving, oh, they were talking.

Were there windows in the room? She really wanted to jump off one right now, anything to get away from this mess.

The door slammed open, cutting off the conversation — was it a conversation she was supposed to be a part of? Couldn't remember, she wasn't really talking, too busy trying to get oxygen in her lungs — and snapping the guests' attention to it.

Relieved from the unwavering attention of such unpleasant companions — although they were behaving well and were friendly, too friendly — Ahyeong breathed, taking in as much of the stuffy air as she could before slowly letting it out.

One... two... three...

When she reached ten on her count and everything shifted back into focus, she turned to the person who'd interrupted them and at the same time saved her.

(She hoped to any higher being up there that her guests hadn't witnessed her like that. She'd rather not give them anything to use against her, even if they hadn't shown any hostile intentions.)

Gilyeong stood by the unlit fireplace with a sneer that would've made Severus Snape proud.

"Look what the cat dragged in."

Semi huffed, setting her cup down, and put her nose in the air, flipping her hair back, "A princess, of course."

"I was thinking of something along the lines of a toy rat made of plastic."

Did he just accuse Semi of having her face done?

Bless her brother, she was going to shower him with flowers and gifts for this, because Ahyeong was forever going to treasure the memory of the mortified look on Semi's face.

She barely kept herself from snorting out loud, while Semi's friends held no such reservations, or maybe failed to control themselves, and dissolved into a fit of giggles and hysteria.

"You little-" Semi shook in anger as she rose from her chair, pupils blown wide with rage, "how dare you, you piece of-"

"Careful, Semi."

Said girl froze in her attempt to slap Gilyeong, and all laughter ceased at the sound of Ahyeong's bone-chilling voice that rang loud and clear in the room.

(She was vaguely aware that it was the first words she'd said the entire evening aside from the meekly spoken pleasantries and affirmations.)

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," she warned, eyes narrowed as she pinned a cold glare at the offending hand that was a couple inches away from her brother's face.

As much as Ahyeong liked to playfully gripe with her brother, she never tried to lay a hand on him. And anyone who dared to do so would be spared no excuses by her, much less by a person with such a notorious history.

Semi visibly gulped at that, lowering her hand and letting out a nervous chuckle, "C'mon, Ahyeong, it was just good fun!"

"You and I have very different ideas of 'good fun', Semi," Ahyeong replied, setting her cup of untouched rose tea down and standing up, the other girls exchanging a look and following suit.

"Now, Gilyeong, what were you here for?"

"Umm..." His eyes moved over his sister, the girls and then to the door, "Eunjung said it was getting dark."

She turned to the guests who stood awkwardly in front of her, smiling wide — too many teeth, she later thought, after her brother commented how she looked like a shark — to hide the beginnings of boiling irritation that replaced her prior panic.

"I believe our time has been cut short, and I'm sure we'll have many opportunities to sit and chat again," God, she hoped not, "let's say our goodbyes for now, yes?"

It came off as more of a statement than asking for permission. There was no room for argument.

Gilyeong was boring holes into his sister's head with how hard he was staring, standing beside Eunjung as Ahyeong waved off her old friends — yeah, right, "friends" — and stepped back inside the foyer.

She had obviously noticed him doing so, because she raised an eyebrow at him, "What?"

"You're fucking terrifying, you know that?"

Eunjung looked affronted and hissed vehemently beside him, immediately launching in a tirade of "where did you learn such language?", "I should put soap in your mouth" and all that jazz. But he tuned her out, focusing solely on his sister who looked at him like he'd grown a second head.

If it was anyone who had grown a second head, it would be her. Because what in the ever-living heck was that back in the parlour?

Admittedly, a weird feeling had been pooling in his gut ever since he had seen a pale-faced Ahyeong entering the first-floor parlour with people who he didn't recognize in the slightest, and upon asking the housemaid, he came to find out they were some friends from middle school.

That immediately sent warning bells tolling in his mind because the grinch having friends? It was unheard of.

Not that he believed Ahyeong couldn't make friends, it was just that she often didn't have enough patience to deal with their bullshit with the workload that their mum often insisted on piling upon her.

When the thread of nerves in his mind had finally snapped in an hour, he all but barged into their conversation — which looked to be one-sided because Ahyeong wasn't speaking at all, only nodding her head at times, and when he looked close enough he could almost see her shaking- no, he wasn't spying on them — and was pretty sure he was the only one who had noticed her struggling to breathe properly.

Seriously, who were these people?

And then he makes a comment that blows one of the pissy girls' wig off and then he's flinching back because the rat's about to slap him and then he's shivering because his sister looks like she's about to commit murder.

Even their father's monthly tennis matches at the country club didn't give him so much whiplash.

He swore the room's temperature had dropped at that moment. He had scrambled to pull up and excuse as to why he had come in the room, roping Eunjung into it, and he thought he'd seen something akin to relief in Ahyeong's eyes.

But of course, that was soon overlooked when she pulled out her baby-eating smile and dear lord, why the fuck did she look like she would rip their heads off if they didn't leave right now?

She looked like a shark out for blood. And now, he told her so.

Ahyeong looked contemplative for a while before she shrugged and walked past him and Eunjung, who was still ranting about his use of such demeaning language — clearly, she hadn't seen him around his online friends when they went on raids in LOLOL — saying a few words that raised a lot of questions about his sister's overall mental well-being.

"Well, better get used to it because that's how the writer wrote my personality."

It was a mystifying feeling to be in front of a place that was inherently fictional but also real. The school in the drama was located at Yonsei University, but this building's address was further away from the original location that existed in this world.

It was beautiful. The hedges, the undergrowth, the ivy hanging off the old building. Students in Saebom's signature uniform milled around in clusters, either chatting idly or rushing off to their classrooms before the bell would ring.

The sun hit the scene just right, making it seem as though the scene came straight out of a painting. Well, it was supposed to be fictional anyway.

Ahyeong breathed in deep, straightening out her skirt and adjusting the nook of her tie that rested beneath her grey sweater vest. The tailored uniform was fitted snugly on her form.

The cast had come off the previous week after the doctor had given the all-clear, and now her legs were adorned by a pair of ankle-length boots, stockings and thigh-high socks.

She glanced at her watch that peeked out under the sleeve of her plum blazer.

7:43 am.

She needed to be at least fifteen minutes early to get her paperwork sorted out before classes began at eight.

With one last exhale to get rid of her nerves, she nodded at Driver Kwon, grabbed her backpack, and stepped out of the car and right into the eye of the storm: Saebom High.

And so, the plot begins.

TURN.

masterlist

© 2021 Alfia Sheikh, All Rights Reserved

[prbni]

Now We are Breaking Up

Love. It was an easy and simple emotion. The guy that saved me from jumping off, the guy that didn’t judge me for my outer appearance, the guy that took care of me and protected me every now and then- I gave my first love to him. 

We even went to the same class in high school, some of our shared interests, like reading horror comics, were the same. It was perfect, just the two of us. And he loved me back! Talk about a fairytale! But only, life isn’t a fairytale.

You can decide who you want to be with but you cannot decide who your heart chooses to be with. My heart didn’t choose this fated guy, but the guy that lived next to my house. The guy whose bike keys I had stolen. The guy who ALSO was in the same class in high school with me. He wasn’t my first love, yet he still decided to flutter my heart. He wasn’t my first kiss, because he knew I was in love with his best friend. He held himself back several times thinking it would go unnoticed by me. He wasn’t the first to see my bare face, but he didn’t care how I looked without makeup either. For him, I was just me. But we were friends! Just friends! We were friends even when he confessed his feelings for me. We were friends even when he said he will move on. We were friends because...I was chasing my first love the whole time.

My first love had a break of two years, but then after a series of apologies and forgiveness, we were back. But why didn’t it feel the same anymore? For the past two years, I missed him. Yet, I didn’t feel the way I felt when my FRIEND left for his own path. Well, it happens. Friends do part after high school and I had all the best wishes for him and his career. Then why did it feel like a part of my soul was gone? Why just for a friend? It was nothing. I kept telling myself that. I was just too used to him being around. I’d get over this phase. I’d grow out of the habit. I had my boyfriend, my own star-crossed lover by my side. He helped me grow as a person, I helped him come out of his shell. We shared both good and bad days together. So, it was fine. I was fine. Except, he noticed it too. He didn’t say anything at first but he saw it. I was ruining this! I had to get a hold of myself. To worsen things, I slipped the wrong name while drunk.

One day, he said teary-eyed, “Jukyung-ah, I’d asked him to give up on you because I liked you first. Did you know what he said?”

I nodded. “He said that it wasn’t about me or him. That your feelings were important. But your feelings are for him, not me!”

“Suho-”I tried protesting but he stopped me. “I know we can pretend that this conversation never happened.We can go on like we have always been. But it would be just you feeling guilty and me feeling insecured the whole time. And this is when he doesn’t even hang around us anymore!”

“Suho, I’m so so sorry. I’d try to do better-”

“You don’t have to be sorry for anything, Im Jukyung. You did well. You did your best. But it is true that your feelings have changed. I know. I’ve seen it. I’ve seen how you try your best to look happy, how your face only lights up when his name is mentioned. I’ve seen how you look at his face when he comes up on screen. I know THAT LOOK too well. Because that’s the way you used to look at me once.”

“Lee Suho, do we really have to do this? You can be mad at me for as long as you want-”

“Except I’m not mad at you. I just kept denying the reality for a long time.Trust me when I say it is extremely hard for me to let go of you.”

“Then don’t.” I kept pleading. “I gave you a chance as well, why can’t I get a chance,” my voice hoarse from crying. 

“Because you’d settle for me. You’d try your best to fit in for me. The same way you’d tried to fit among people who didn’t see you for who you are. But that won’t be the real you. That would not be the Jukyung I fell for.”

“But he did say he’d get over me,” I couldn’t believe I actually let those words out of my mouth. Suho, who was anxious all this while was now smiling through his tears.

“If I know him anything at all over these years, he said this to protect his own pride thinking his feelings wouldn’t ever be reciprocated.”

We both laughed at each other and suddenly a huge wave of realization hit me.“Suho, I- I don’t even know how to begin apologizing to you.”

“Then, don’t. In case you want to make it up to me, just inform me if he ever hurts your feelings. I’d gladly come over and break his nose.” His words made me giggle before we parted our ways. This time, for good.

“Han Seojun you lucky bastard,” Suho murmured tearfully.

[writingzen]

Friends

Part 2 from drunk confession

Warning: cussing , pain, friendzone, tears, angst

A/n: Hope you enjoy this, I tried :) if you have any request, you can send them!

･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:**:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:**:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

Light came running through the windows as you made eye contact with him from across the hallway. You didn’t mean to, but it just happened. You couldn’t move or speak. You could only stare. You winced a little at the light, your headache getting worse. you knew it was a bad idea to steal some of your sisters alcohol, but you heard it helped. What else were you supposed to do?

He finally decided to walk towards you, ignoring his friends that came up to him. In a panic, you turn around and head in the opposite direction, making sure to walk quicker then before. You wanted nothing to do with what happened yesterday. It was so embarrassing and awful. You hated what you did, but a part of you was kind of thankful that it happened.

Just as you reach the door to leave the haunting school, you feel a hand wrap around your wrist and pull you out of the school. He finally stopped letting you go once you reached the back.

Seojun looked you in your eyes one more time, this time giving you a look that seemed far too sad but angry at the same time.

“Y/n-”

“I didn’t mean it!” You quickly spat out before he could finish what he was going to say. You didn’t want to talk about it, you just wanted to avoid your feelings towards him in every way.

“It wasn’t true, I thought you were someone else”

I said his fucking name

“Oh”

She said my name

Awkwardness filled the air quickly as you both stood there, everything went quiet.

“I’m sorry, I truly am”

You said once more trying to ease the weird feeling that floats around in the air.

A part of him felt guilty, while another part of him didn’t know what to feel. He knew you were lying. God he knew everything about you and you always made it so obvious when you were lying. He knew you liked him, heck he knew for a while. He thought if he avoided it, nothing would happen, but here you both are. Standing in front of eachother, awkwardly. There’s nothing he can do now. He did like you, at a point he was in love with you, but that changed now, right?

After a long pause, Seojun finally spoke while looking at the floor, avoiding eye contact.

“It’s fine, I just didn’t want to ruin anything with us.”

With hesitation he continued “you were always such a great friend”

That last sentence hit you a lot harder then you thought it would. Even after everything, he still only saw you as a friend, nothing more.

You felt as the same feeling from yesterday filled your body freely, almost like deja vu.

A friend, huh?

Was there any chance at all of being something more?

A friend

Jesus, it hurt. It hurt so fucking much. You didn’t want it to be this way. For such simple words to hurt so fucking much. It definitely wasn’t supposed to be this way. Your heart ached as your body started to get weak. You felt as your fingers started to shake at a quick pace. You can’t do this, not right now, not in front of him.

“You alright?” He’s asked concerned. He wanted to hug you, make sure you were alright, but knowing the place and stuff that’s happening, he knew it wasn’t right.

Alright?

Oh how bad you just wanted to cry. Just wanting to break down and cry. Yell out the words that you weren’t fine. Yell out the words that you’re hurting so fucking much. Over a stupid crush. A crush! You’re not even dating, yet it felt as if you were.

“I’m fine”

You gave him a soft smile as tears poked your eyes. You needed to leave, now.

“I have to go, class should start any time now” you voice shakes as the sentence finally left your mouth

“Oh alright”

I ruined everything

You turned around as tears finally escaped your eyes, falling quickly. Your hand wrapped around your mouth trying to stop everything from coming out, the sobs that were held in was too much to bare. You’ve never felt so much pain. You truly loved Seojun and now you have to let go and that’s what hurt the most. Having to let go. Having to let everything go. As if it was nothing. As if you felt nothing. As if this feeling you had, we’re just friendship feelings.

What a stupid friendship

Pain filled every inch of your body as a headache started to form. You felt a sharp pain in your chest as everything finally started to hit. A punishing feeling that didn’t take long to sit in.

Please not now

You finally looked up as your cheeks started to get red and puffy from the wasted tears,just to see a familiar face, a face you were hoping to avoid as well, staring right back at you. Stoping In your tracks, your eyes widen.

She looked back at you, a worried expression plastered on her face. She wanted to walk over and comfort you, but once she saw Seojun standing not too far behind, she knew. Guilt filled her body quickly.

“Y/n I-“

Jugyeong, don’t

_______________________________________________

-D

After this story, I will be starting from the beginning!

Hope you enjoyed! Please don’t copy my work! Thank you! If you see any more warning that I didn’t add, feel free to tell me and if have any requests, please ask!

[alihi]

Was I a bit off with that analogy?

[icysab]

since the first one did so well,,,

boyfie things with seojun!! pt 2

(may contain k-drama spoilers)

- in front of other people he tries to act so cool n confident but in front of you, when you’re alone, it all fades

- aaand ur just left w softie seojun :>

- he lOVES to tease u by holding things above your head, just out of reach

- he finds it so cute when you try to jump up and grab it from him, only for him to lift it higher

- i swear, this boy looks at you like you hang the moon in the sky. he’s so down bad but it’s so cute so it’s okay

- late night coin karaoke with him

- would have so much fun taking you on his motorcycle

- puts his good helmet on you, and tightly tucks your arms around his waist

- “hold on tight” he winks

- going shopping together, and his face turning tomato red when he sees you try on the cutest damn outfit

- like i said earlier

- down bad.

- you convinced him to go talk to suho and work through their issues together

- honestly, you could probably talk him into anything with that smile of yours

- he’s never felt more understood and loved by anyone in his life

- and he loves you for that

- if you ever called him crying, or told him that you needed him, he’d drop everything in a heartbeat

- he’d be such a good listener

- just there to hug you and be there for you when you need someone to lean on

- and he’s more than just your boyfriend

- he’s your best friend

- he’s so funny, and sweet, and handsome, and he just has this glow about him that you can’t quite place

- little do you know, you’re the one giving him that glow

- he wrote a song about you

- he sang it for your birthday

- his cheeks were so red and you could see how embarrassed he was

- it was the cutest and sweetest birthday gift of your life

- he gets along with your friends super well

- he always treats them with respect

- he really really really wants them to like him, because he knows how important your friends approval are to you, and how much you love and trust them

- if something’s important in your life, he makes it important to him too

- your loves are his loves

- and your passions are his passions

- so much sharing of clothing

- if you’re similar sizes or even have oversized clothing that’ll fit him, he’s stealing it

- and you already know you’re always wrapped up in one of his jackets or hoodies

- absolutely the type to tell you to bring a coat, and you not listen, and he sees you shivering later and places his jacket on you while scolding you for not listening

- but he doesn’t mean any of it ofc

- you’re wayyy too cute in his jacket for him to actually be upset

- he loves you so much

- he tells you every day how perfect you are

- and he treats you with nothing but respect

- tl;dr: i am in love with han seojun

[tearsona]

true beauty | h.c. with fem!reader | part eight

a/n: wah it’s been so long, please forgive me. college has honestly been killing me. i didn’t plan on ending the update like this, but i figured it would take me much longer if i included the next scene here, so i decided to just put it in the next part. anyway thank u to those who have been waiting patiently! the endgame is finally revealed??? please let me know what u think ((i am aware not everyone will like where the story goes but please be nice)). ALSO!!!! please check out this playlist a cool tumblr friend made for the series i love it so much :3

part one | part seven

the suddenness of your action takes you both aback at first, lips awkwardly pressed against each other and unmoving. suddenly, you’re aware that you’ve just entered prohibited territory - one and the same with that which you’ve one-sidedly tried hard to stay away from, with seojun.

with suho though, this was territory you’ve never really had to make a conscious effort avoiding simply because it had been completely unmapped in your friendship before this moment - never been in your vocabulary ‘til now.

probably why it didn’t take you a second thought to cross the line. for a moment, it didn’t feel like the consequences were the same.

and so you wait for it - the regret, the panic, the unwanted voice at the back of your mind, the force that’d pull you off of your friend.

but it doesn’t come.

instead, you feel yourself melting into the kiss the same time suho’s body relaxes against yours and, for now, it doesn’t feel wrong. not at all.

truthfully, you’ve done this with a number of boys in the past, none of which you’d felt even the slightest bit of affection for, so there have been times where you wondered what a real kiss would feel like. until now.

with suho, it’s nothing electric or magical. in fact, it’s the opposite - but feels just as wonderful and rare. it’s altogether sweet and delicate; even as he goes to deepen the kiss by angling his head and pulling you closer by the waist, his mouth remains tender in its movements and his touch careful and feather-like, as though he’s holding something invaluable.

there is no sparks or burning ache, no bubble of excitement or tinge of desperation that has you clutching for more, but there’s a feeling of relief, of content that settles in your chest, and warmth that spreads through your body that makes you not want to let go.

it’s calm and real and grounding, and just… so very suho.

no, it’s nothing like in fiction, you think, or the plenty of times you’ve imagined what a kiss with him would feel like, one wherein fireworks dance behind your eyelids, or you’re spinning above the clouds. it’s nothing like that.

but it’s perfect.

and yet.

yet why his name is in your mind at this second, why you still can’t help but wonder if such dream-like kiss exists in reality is a frustration to you. even this seemingly perfect moment has somehow provoked the thought of him, just like all the other times in the past you’ve tried getting with another boy but heaven forbade you to.

him, whose presence is merely a few feet away, whose heart you’ve unknowingly decimated, shattered severely upon witnessing this moment, and if you just looked to your left you’d see the hurt that’s broadcast clearly on his face.

what with the interruptive thoughts, you’re the first to pull away from the kiss, eyes temporarily wide as you try to read his expression, but you’re unable to when you’re confused with your feelings yourself. all you know is that right now, you’re looking at him and seeing him in a completely different light - as if all colors had traded places or been imbued with a new property, that nothing feels quite the same anymore. in a good way, you hope. for now it feels so.

you blink once, twice, before you let go of the grip on his collar and suho’s arms slowly leave your waist. you take notice of the red in his cheeks and there’s no doubt, with the way they’re burning, that yours are mirroring them as well.

and for the first time… seojun feels like crying. he’s seen everything for sure, not having torn his eyes off the scene for at least a second. even now, he’s watching as suho lingers in front of your gate after you’ve gone inside, perhaps trying to process what had just transpired between you, perhaps feeling the exact opposite of what seojun is going through - intolerable, gut-wrenching pain, without exaggeration.

it’s the finality that hurts.

because, to seojun, more than the romantic heartbreak of finding you lips-to-lips with another man (suho, to be exact), this is the final fragment of the realization that you absolutely didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

that night had been the end of your friendship. seojun can still remember the panic he went through the first time he realized that. but despite knowing that you hated him, what had gotten him through all these weeks was the tiny shred of hope that he still held onto - one of these days you were going to miss him, forgive him, or at least tell him that you were willing to hear him out.

because that was the kind of bond that you had. at least, that was how he’d read it - past the playful acts and teasing remarks was the promise of an unflinching friendship, of always having each other’s back, of finding home in one another. as cliche as it sounds, he’d always felt that there was some kind of invisible string that tied you together - you were each other’s person, and being separated from each other felt like walking around in half.

but seeing you here was what killed that illusion of hope for seojun. it finally hit him that he no longer held any place in your life.

for real.

on the other hand, you’re wondering just how much different things would have turned out, if it had been him all along. lee suho.

it should have been him.

he’s attractive, he’s kind, he’s sensible, he’s great to have around, and he even does all of these sweet things for you. not just the big favors, but also the minor, missable gestures from him during your moments together that he thinks you don’t notice.

plus, he’s never judged you even though he knows you inside out, to the point that it annoys you sometimes, how you could never hide anything from him. you know you need that though - someone who could see right through you despite your stubbornness to express your feelings.

but most importantly, that kiss. who knew, that you and him could ever share something like that? suho, out of all people. up until that moment, you’d only ever seen and treated him as a friend. almost a sibling even.

but that’s exactly why these thoughts should be making you feel guilty, improper. like they always did with seojun.

and yet somehow, they don’t.

suho had been the first to lean in, after all.

of course, neither of you had meant it to happen. you know how much suho likes jugyeong - you’ve seen it. having spent a lot of time with him lately too, it’s obvious that his feelings for the girl haven’t changed a bit.

clearly, it shouldn’t have meant anything. it was no more beyond a mere lapse of judgment. admittedly, you’d been momentarily swayed by the way he had looked at you then… it was alien to you. sure, you’ve had guys stare at you with want before, but none of them had ever looked at you the way suho did in that moment - like there was a need, an ache to kiss you.

and it doesn’t matter if you’d read it wrong, if it had been fleeting, or if you’d both just simply misplaced your feelings for other people, each been craving affection from someone that wasn’t available as the other had been in that moment. what matters is the plain fact that suho sees you as a woman. and if you’re not mistaken, there was definitely something in that kiss - a mutual undercurrent of something you can’t quite name but, dare you say it, held the potential to bloom into something more if you both wanted to. if you were both willing to try.

the thought of it is enough to stir something inside you.

you enter the studio later than you’re supposed to for no reason other than you’d accidentally slept through your alarm after spending the whole night awake. you mumble your apologies to nobody in particular as you make your way to set your things down on one of the tables, camera flashes and shutter clicks as well as you’re doing great, fantastic! turn around, good! and other words of encouragement from the photographer filling the room as usual.

you try to regain your breath for a moment after having run all the way here, searching the contents of your bag for your water bottle until you hear something that causes your head to snap up immediately.

“…han seojun! one, two - looks great! now smile for me!”

your eyes grow wide when they land on the man posing in front, blinking hard as though that would make him disappear, and he would’ve seen the embarrassing look on your face if you weren’t quick to snap out of it just right before his eyes meet yours. seojun’s posture visibly slackens when he sees you. you watch as the photographer continues to click his camera at every second even as his instructions go ignored.

“handsome, isn’t he?” your co-worker whispers from beside you when she notices you staring, nudging your arm teasingly. “everyone loves him here.”

you break your eye contact with the apparent celebrity to look at your co-worker. “r- really? is he always, um, around?”

the girl nods. “lately he hasn’t been, but yeah, you’ll see him often,” she says before sending you a wink, “you’d have to get in line though.”

you mouth a knowing “ah” in response as you force out a laugh before returning your gaze to the photoshoot - cut short due to the model’s sudden lack of attention - when you find two pairs of eyes looking back at you, the photographer having turned around after hearing seojun mumble your name to himself.

“oh? y/n, you’re finally here?” the older man greets, gesturing you to come closer before turning to seojun. “you know her? you know each other?”

you stop right in front of them and spare the boy a glance to check his response but he doesn’t answer, eyes settled on something else at the opposite side of the room. you give the older man a polite bow.

“ahhh,“ the man nods as though he’s realized something obvious. he points a finger at you. “are you his girlfriend?”

the random question has you both reacting immediately, seojun’s head whipping to face the other man as he opens his mouth to say something, but you were quicker to exclaim a defensive ”no!“ while waving your hands to stress your denial, causing the boy to feel offended somehow. you swallow your discomfort when he finally turns to you with a look that’s nothing short of a glare.

“hyung, can we just hurry to the next shoot?” seojun asks impatiently.

what if you quit your job on the spot?

you consider the option.

“alright,” the man replies, patting the younger’s shoulder twice in agreement. “go get changed then. y/n will help you. we’ll get the set ready.”

and so now, you’re outside the men’s room, anxiously flittering back and forth as you wait for seojun to finish, a ready-to-be-worn grey coat in your hand along with a few makeup you’ve been told to bring with. you freeze as soon as you hear the cubicle open and you will your heart to calm for the last time.

“here,” you mumble as soon as he comes out, holding the piece of clothing up on either side so seojun can slip his arms in, which he does reluctantly.

the short silence is deafening. this being your first interaction in a long time, you feel a lump form in your throat at the rush of different conflicting emotions suddenly vying for your attention.

the past few weeks have been up and down. throughout its course, you have loved, hated, wanted, resented, and missed the man, questioned the rightness or wrongness of your decision to end the friendship, and so on… you couldn’t be consistent.

right now, it’s all at once.

but even if you can’t will your heart to tone down these feelings, or temporarily forget about them just long enough to get you through the afternoon, at least you’ll outwardly pretend they don’t exist. that much, you can do.

“hold on,” you stop seojun by the arm just as he’s about to walk away. you reach out to fix the back of his collar that’s been folded wrong with an impassive face and the little courage you’ve mustered, missing the way his body tenses at your touch and proximity…

when you’re done, you attempt to smoothen the wrinkles of his clothing next by swiftly brushing your hand through them until you feel yourself starting to become a little too comfortable with your actions. you allow yourself a singular glance at his face and you’re met with a gaze that almost already has the surface of your resolve breaking.

applying the powder onto his face is even more agonizing. you try to avoid eye contact with him as much possible, patting down on his skin with utmost gentleness so contrary to the raging emotions bottled within you. you feel his unmoving stare burning through your skin and you’re thinking maybe, for once, he’s actually able to see right through you.

maybe right now he could tell, that one right or wrong word from him could easily have you crawling through hot coals just to take him back.

and it also doesn’t help that he smells so damn good.

you try to make it quick.

handing seojun the lip balm next (surely, he can do it by himself), you step back to a safer distance when you hear a booming voice that causes you to jump.

“perfect! you look perfect! y/n,” the photographer beams as he approaches you, having just witnessed the entirety of your wordless exchange with the other. “how would you like to do the photoshoot with us?”

you raise your eyebrows in confusion the same time you hear the man beside you utter a loud “what?”, you glance at him and see disapproval written all over his face.

“but i already am…?”

ignoring the younger’s reaction, the photographer shakes his head when he says, “i mean, as a model.”

you gasp incredulously before waving your hands in refusal. “me? no, no way, i can’t. i’m sorry.”

“the other model didn’t show up,” he continues, “and we need to update the newly released product, so it’s kind of urgent.”

“hyung,” seojun interrupts, “not everyone can be a model!”

you feel your heart sting at his words, but as much as it offends you, he has a point. “he’s right… i shouldn’t. i’ve never tried this before.”

“that’s why you can do even better,” the older man encourages. “and i’ll pay you more, don’t worry.”

so here you are. the photoshoot is nothing less than unpleasant, awkward. the man beside you is fuming with annoyance - you can almost physically feel the heat of it. but it’s not like you don’t like this idea any less than he does, you just simply couldn’t turn down the money.

you just wish he would stop acting like a kid and at least look at the camera. what are you even supposed to do with him just standing there, put your arms around him? no way.

and so after several attempts by the photographer, like a mother to a child, at getting seojun to smile, turn around, look friendly, anything… to no avail, he deduces that seojun’s defiance is simply due to hunger, so he calls for a ten-minute break where he can grab him food.

when the man leaves, seojun lets out an exasperated sigh you feel the urge to roll your eyes at. he takes a seat on the couch behind you just as one of the other ladies in the room comes to set down a box of tissue on the table. you mutter a polite thanks.

after yourself, you grab the box and offer it to seojun, who only stares at the thing before looking away. honestly… you’re kinda thankful for his stubborn attitude. because being annoyed is better, far more tolerable than having to acknowledge what you actually feel deep down. you can save that for later.

frustratedly, you sigh when you take it upon yourself to pull out a tissue for him and wipe away his sweat, only to be stopped when he seizes your wrist and looks you up and down - like you’re nothing more than a nuisance. “what are you doing?”

you try not to be intimidated by his glare as you try to resist his grip. “did you not hear what she said? it’s so you’ll look nice in the photos.”

“forget it,” he says, pushing your hand further from his face. “go away.“

you exhale impatiently. “will you stop being difficult? it’s not like i’m doing this because i want to—”

once again, seojun is quick to take hold of your wrist, but this time he looks pissed enough to render you silent.

“i said stop.” a tense beat of silence before he continues, “is this that easy for you?”

you feel the air around you change at his words. your heartbeat starts to quicken at the sudden unease that coils in your belly. all the more so, when you find yourself pinned against the couch in the next second, seojun’s face merely a few inches above yours that you almost don’t hear it, over the thunderous pounding of your heart in your ears, when he says, “how long will you keep this up?”

you swallow nervously.

there it is - the confrontation you’ve been fearing.

but how are you supposed to answer, when the proximity of your faces is past the bounds of your being able to think straight?

in response, all you can do is stare at seojun wide-eyed and dumbfounded, much to his disappointment - especially when the interruption of the older man, who is more than enthusiastic to see you in perfect position (“that’s what i’m talking about!”), gives you the opportunity to look away and avoid the question further.

the next thing you know, seojun is hoisting you upright by the waist until your chests are almost pressed against each other, feeling his breath on your skin when he tells you, “i want to make this quick, so just cooperate.“

all throughout the shoot, seojun wordlessly directs you like the natural he is, like when he guides your arm around his shoulder, or when he angles his body or tilts his head towards yours… he makes it so every pose looks and feels as if your bodies had been made to fit together perfectly.

the more clicks and flashes, the more entangled with each other you become, the faster you feel your heart beat. he does everything so casually - and yet every touch lingers, tingles where it just left, somehow different from any of the platonic touches he’s initiated before… somehow feels achingly right.

soon, he’s pushing you as he leans forward, more gently than the first time, and when your back hits the sofa, your eyes lock in a silent exchange beyond your lagging mind’s comprehension. seojun’s gaze remains steady on yours, unwavering even as he brings your hand onto his shoulder where it rests uneasy.

at this point, it feels as if your heart is about to thump right out of your chest, or jump out of your throat. by now you’ve already drowned out your surroundings, entrapped in a bubble only you two shared and smelled only of his cologne. you try not to give yourself away under his intense scrutiny, eyes continuously flickering between yours…

shamelessly, they cast downwards, landing on your lips as you hold your breath…. and when he starts to lean in -

that’s when it becomes unbearable. thankfully, the oblivious photographer is there to yell out the end of the shoot right when you need it, there to remind you that this is only a photoshoot. but before that, seojun’s lips had only been merely a few millimeters apart from yours - one millisecond away from who knows what…

you have to get out of there, you think.

because now any progress - every painstaking step you’d taken at overcoming your unrequited feelings, your all-consuming pining for the man, in the previous weeks avoiding him for that purpose had been for nothing. so easily as you’d expected, seojun just shattered your carefully constructed but fragile barriers into heartbreaking fragments… so obliviously too.

you push him off of you immediately and head out of the room without a word, but one question in your mind.

why had he looked at you like that?

“i need relationship advice.”

jugyeong’s eyes widen, food halfway to her mouth. relationship is the least of the things she’d suspected seojun to be bothered by right now, especially with him denying that he liked anyone just a few weeks ago. “oh? what? really? i’m not really an expert on this subject though,” she says in a pout, but later sets down her chopsticks to give the other man her full attention. “lay it on me. i’ll try and be helpful.”

slowly, seojun swallows his food before he muses, “there’s this girl i like…” jugyeong nods at him to keep going. “but i’m going to move on.”

“huh? why? have you told her how you feel?”

seojun chuckles, “no.”

the girl frowns disappointedly. “but you’re already moving on?”

seojun smiles sadly to himself at the brief recall of memories, all pointing to one person. your unforgettable reaction that night when he’d confidently put you in suho’s friendzone, your description of your type in men (which, at one point in the past weeks, he’d foolishly hoped matched him), and that kiss. the kiss that cemented all his suspicions. the kiss you’d appearingly enjoyed with the other person then, versus the vivid memory of you pushing him off to get away from just him, after that photoshoot. “she likes someone else.”

the words leave a bitter taste in his mouth.

jugyeong blinks before straightening up in her seat. “do you like her a lot?”

“yeah…” seojun hums with another smile despite the heavy weight in his chest. “a lot.”

“so what if she likes somebody else? i didn’t expect you to be the type to give up on someone so easily.”

seojun stares at the clueless girl in guilt when he says, “but he likes her too.”

if only jugyeong knew.

“still. it’s not too late if they aren’t dating yet,” she argues, though the boy seems to have already given up on the girl in question. jugyeong sighs in understanding before flashing her friend a smile in attempt to lift his mood. “she must be some girl for you to have a crush on,” she teases, “she must be beautiful.”

seojun hums in agreement. “she is,” he says, chuckling to himself, “i have high standards, you know.”

“seriously,” jugyeong scolds, “then you should tell her soon and make her your girlfriend.”

seojun smiles weakly. “do you think… she would come to me if i did?”

turning your head to acknowledge the sudden appearance of your friend, your eyes follow suho as he takes a seat beside you in the nearly empty library. “how’d you know i was here?”

“where else would you be, cutting school?” he retorts, causing you to scowl.

“why, you don’t think i can do that?” you bite back defensively, slamming your book shut and pushing it aside so you can rest your cheek on the palm of your hand to look at the boy with full attention.

suho shrugs, “but you’d rather be doing homework. am i not right?”

“tch,” you utter in defeat, the corners of your mouth twitching as you try to hold back a smile. “am i that boring?”

“who says you are?“ he frowns, quick to react as though you’d offended him, “you’re far from boring.”

you blink, feeling your heart stutter over his simple words.

it’s always like this. you showing the slightest hint of self-doubt, self-deprecation - even jokingly - and suho catching you off-guard with a compliment or reassurance that always leaves you feeling a little bit better about yourself, sometimes special, even. and you never have to question the sincerity behind his words like you often would with other people, because he just always is, when it comes to you. it’s like he genuinely believes you’re special, and it’s his duty to make you know so.

but you don’t think it’s ever been like this. never been accompanied by a hint of that all-too-familiar feeling… one you were actually starting to think only seojun was capable of evoking, no one else. and yet here it is. faint, but there.

feeling all of a sudden uneasy under your stare, suho shifts in his seat, tearing his eyes off you to search for something to talk about. “what’s that?” he blurts, pointing to something behind you.

“hmm?” you hum, still tranced, sliding your arm off the table to look at the object of his attention: a cute medium-sized, pastel-colored paper bag that’s been sitting atop the table along with the rest of your belongings.

“oh, this…” your lips curl into a fond smile, briefly glancing at the bag’s contents even if you’d already taken a look at them earlier - candies, snacks, a pocket-sized stuffed animal meant to make you smile, along with a small thank you note, for being such a kind person, it says. “a gift.”

“gift to whom…?”

“from,” you correct, chewing on your bottom lip in a moment of contemplation before you continue, “from jugyeong.“

carefully, you gauge his expression and catch as it flickers with sadness that almost has you reaching out to comfort him, but, similarly, you feel something knot in your own chest at the thought of the girl as well.

jugyeong, who always smiled at you at every given opportunity, just as how seeing her always made you smile, too. earlier, she’d come to you and asked you to stick your hand out for a gift - a gift you didn’t quite deserve, honestly.

you’d seen her bare face, kept your promise not to tell anyone, but haven’t you just been doing what a normal person should? just why would you go around telling other people another person’s business, anyway?

and so at that moment, you understood - why everyone seemed to adore the girl. not only was she pretty enough to attract a lot of eyes, but she also had a beautiful, bright personality that unfailingly caught people’s hearts as well. yours wasn’t an exception. and neither was seojun’s or suho’s.

she reminds you of seyeon just a little bit.

lately, you’ve been finding yourself wanting to be around the girl, wanting to strike up a conversation, just genuinely wanting to be her friend. but, understandably, jugyeong was almost never alone. there was always sua, soojin… seojun.

of course.

no matter how much you’ve grown to like the girl, there is still that ache, the pang of jealousy that always came at the thought of her.

and now there is also that guilt…

slowly, your gaze shifts to suho when your train of thought leads you back to him. surprisingly, since that day, nothing has changed in the way you got along with each other. and as much as a relief it is to you that whatever happened hadn’t ruined your precious friendship, you can’t help the questions that still linger in your mind - can’t keep pretending like nothing happened.

”h- hey, um,” you begin, clearing your throat awkwardly and immediately catching the boy’s attention. his eyes flicker downwards, where he finds your hands starting to pick at the loose threads of your uniform. and just as he expects, “about the other day…”

for a few seconds, suho’s eyes linger on yours before they trail away and settle on something else at a distance. he looks neither tense or awkward, just calm, as though he’s already prepared himself for this conversation.

the truth is, he has. he’s thought about it more times than he could count in the past few days, replayed the scene over and over. he’s wondered what it meant for both you and him, if it would change anything, if he wanted to do anything about it… how much he liked it… and why he’d done it in the first place.

at that time, the urge to kiss you had been so strong. after all, his feelings for you had once been fiery and consuming long time ago. perhaps seojun acknowledging them all of a sudden had opened the cap of where they had previously been safely contained, and caused some them to resurface.

if he’d ever thought about making a move or confessing to you in the past, he had. several times. however, it wasn’t hard for him to tell then that his best friend liked you, too, just as how it was easy to figure out that you felt the same about the other.

that was the reason why he’d kept those feelings hidden well - he didn’t want to get in the way.

eventually, they died down, anyway. eventually, the ache of seeing his two best friends’ oblivious pining for each other became more bothersome than the ache of not having his feelings reciprocated by you. and that goes on until now - seeing you heartbroken these days just because the other boy was still failing to realize his own feelings frustrated him, too.

but he knows, deep down, seojun will come through. he just needs to come to his senses.

“it didn’t mean anything,” you say, voice breaking through his thoughts, “right?“

no. suho wants to say no. it did mean something to him. and the glint of hope in your eyes at the moment makes him want to tell the truth all the more - makes him think he actually stands a chance.

“yeah…” suho finally answers.

because despite all the uncertainty, one thing that’s clear to him is that in the past few days he’s been trying to understand his own heart, one person’s name had been insistent, loud and unignorable. that girl, he misses more than anything. and he knows, for sure, that this is the one thing he’d definitely regret not doing about if he didn’t. not him failing to confess to you.

once again, silence fills the air, and you feel the slightest disappointment in your stomach over this confirmation.

but that however doesn’t last long when you feel it quickly being replaced by relief. acceptance. you feel at ease - like a weight you didn’t know you’d been holding has been lifted off your chest.

you feel a little bit funny for having actually hoped for something else, too. because somehow, all of a sudden, that kiss, and all the thoughts and temporary feelings that came with it, feel like a distant memory to you now.

to suho, it would take a little more time to forget completely, but for now he feels the same relief as you do.

slowly, your mouth lifts into a genuine smile. “okay…”

you feel warmth spread across your chest when suho returns it. all the more so when his shoulders start to shake in a silent chuckle, eyes crinkling just a tiny bit more.

“okay.”

time heals, but it could also fester.

after having only told yourself things like pain is temporary and things just have to get worse before they get better in the past few weeks, you’re finally admitting to yourself that this isn’t it.

it’s always when you reach your bedroom at the end of the day where you let yourself crumble. you can’t count with all your fingers and toes the amount of times these four walls have witnessed you desperately reach out for your phone to call the boy. only almost. because every time, you managed to talk yourself out of it.

but as your mind continuously repeats suho’s words this afternoon, you realize just how much you’ve actually been waiting to hear it.

i think you should talk to seojun.

after all, it’s been a month and the ache still hasn’t gotten easier. the sad, dull ache - the longing for that person that seems to always permeate everything in the end, no matter how much you try to distract yourself from it.

isn’t confession the only thing that’s left?

or maybe you just need more time. another month, perhaps…

but no. seojun deserves to know the truth. one hundred percent of it. it’s what you both deserve anyway. you’re going to confess, have him reject you, and then you’ll finally be able to move on.

what have you got to lose now, anyway?

your thumbs hover over your keyboard.

but just as you’re about to compose your text, three dots suddenly appear at the bottom of your messages, indicating that the other is typing. you almost drop your phone at the sight.

your heart hammers against your rib cage as you spend a whole minute watching as those dots keep disappearing and reappearing on your screen. you wait for what feels like forever, until the words finally arrive, message unexpectedly short for the amount of time it had taken the other:

can we talk?

bff!seojun headcanons (bonus) | part nine

[twicelq]

true beauty matching 💖

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[girlsdit]

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[safiraerklare]

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