#seoah — abstractions.

[nouvelis]

𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐃𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐃?

jung ara / like lovers watching the sunset

calm, focused, tender. you need to be loved in the way teenagers kiss in the rain and giggle behind hands. you need to be loved like a child, taken care of, watched over, focused on. you need to feel the warmth of the sun, you need to feel the love rushing through your veins. you need to be reminded that love is worth it, and it’s beautiful to experience. you need to be loved in a way that is refreshing, again and again.

pak seojung / like the burn marks on my hands

you need to be loved gently, taken care of. you need to let yourself be taken care of. you deserve the kindness. you deserve to have fingertips pressed to yours, you deserve soft smiles and quiet laughs. you need to be kissed in the middle of the night, you need to be told it’s okay. you’re used to aggressive love, you need it gently.

pak seoah / till the end of forever

you need to be loved unconditionally. you need to be reminded that love is not temporary, that you deserve it. that those who love you will not leave. you need to be loved the way angels love humanity. or how devils love angels. you need to be loved in greatness, in fullness, you need to be loved hard and fierce. loud, shout it to the ends of the earth, your love won’t leave. you need to be loved when nothing else will be. you need to realize you are worthy even through the end.

baek kyungsoo / like you can love again

you need to be loved in a way that shows you love is sacred, it is divine. you need to be loved so purely, so lightly, so you can learn to love. you need to be loved in the way oceans rise, but also fall. you need to be loved in the way wind rushes through leaves. you need to be loved gently, and patiently, and understanding. you need to be loved in a way that even if you cannot love, you will still be loved.

tagged by: @f8less 💕

tagging: @f8less ( eunki/vegas! ) / @protcsts / @haruusari / @cvvalier / @celestiialmechanics / @spoiledsovls / @redsunns / @thecosmicsen

[jxniel]

Galaxies; waxing; waning; full moon; ponder; sweet dreams.

late night self reflective asks 🌙

Status: Not accepting!Received from @160691

galaxies: what are three things you want to do before you die?

It is answered here!

waxing: what is your proudest accomplishment?

Her proudest accomplishment has yet to come, she believes. Digging through the memories, perhaps there would be one fitting to the title? Perhaps the simplest task of making it, of succeeding, despite the degree and the nature of the challenges she faced? Maybe it’s the idea itself? Something that made and still makes her proud to this day? Seoah can’t really tell which is better.

❝ Shinwoo-ssi. ❞ She calls him out of the blue after she snaps out from her pensive self. ❝ What do you think will be the proudest accomplishment for an artist such as you and me? ❞ The soloist didn’t mean to throw the question back at him, but the answer lies somewhere. Precisely somewhere they both can reach in the back of their mind. 

It is by their own experiences, going through a path with several detours, but still leading to the same end. Of course, it isn’t the end for what Seoah envisions, but they were several ends needed to get closer to the bigger image. Her trainee days were long behind her and her rookie ones were following them closely. Nonetheless, it doesn’t mean she’s closer to what she believes to be the ultimate accomplishment that deserves the addition of proudest beside it. 

But let’s not think about a distant future. There are still a lot more to do before that.

❝ Surely you ask thinking my answer will differ from yours. ❞ Her voice’s soothing, not particularly affected by their casual conversation taking a more abstract and profound subject. ❝ But I seriously doubt that. ❞

And she smiles. ❝ Our proudest accomplishment must be to have made our dream come true, as corny as it may sound. I doubt anything else can beat that too. ❞ Her white pearls reveal themselves more and more, hinting a playful demeanor that only calls for a bit of entertainment coming from the other.

❝ Can you think of anything else? ❞

waning: what is your biggest regret?

Her question meets another, a move she didn’t predict would return to her like a boomerang. The opposite needs to be asked, isn’t it? It seems fair.

❝ Regret… ❞ She has plenty, plenty she wishes not to recall for the sake of her weak heart, and plenty more she has forgotten since the mind accepted to throw them into an abyss. They can take many forms and link to many elements of her life as well, not just romance. Of course, she would avoid the topic of love whenever her answers were meant to be published to the public. Not that she wouldn’t speak about it. Seoah prefers a clean cut when it comes to preserving her privacy. 

If she has to answer the question, her current biggest regret lies in her career. An agglomeration of short instances when she shouldn’t feel sorry for herself and indefinite periods of self-questioning. All those years spent chasing after her dream shouldn’t be meaningless. All those hard work during trainee days resulting in a promised yet risky debut among hundreds of rookies shouldn’t come in vain. 

Somehow, it feels like it. 

❝ Have you ever felt like you haven’t gotten the opportunity to show your full potential? Not that you’re scared or unprepared for it, but that you weren’t given the right setting for it? ❞ She wants to know. Is she the only one to feel that way? Possibly not. They were many rookies out there deserving the acknowledgment from the public, but sadly, in the entertainment and music field, talent and hard work aren’t the only factors for success. There’s luck involved.

If only Seoah doesn’t have this impression of her efforts being wasted or ignored. If only.

It’s okay. She’ll still work for the day the respect she longs for will be given to her rightfully.

full moon: what type of person do you hope to be?

❝ Shinwoo Oppa. ❞ This time she calls him differently, her eyebrow raised while her cheek rests on her fist. ❝ I thought you weren’t the type to ask questions. ❞ A chuckle follows her words and then a hum as thoughts seem to run through her mind in search of an answer.

What type of person does she hope to be? Definitely not what she was despite learning through her mistakes and maturing from them as well. The current her seems content to not have stayed what she used to be: somewhat of a character deemed too naive for this kind of world. However, that naivety remains the force that made her who she is now. She has learned the hardships of running after her dreams, of being disappointed more than once as her expectations were simply distortions of her isolated world, not quite on par with the reality she lives in.

So now, what type of person does she view herself becoming? The question aims for a future she can only judge as distant, too far to her liking, and perhaps too soon to guess. Her words aren’t definite though. Whatever the answer she’ll deliver has a chance to be different later on.

Then, what’s the point for her to answer? Setting a particular mindset from the start in order to guide herself towards that ideal image of herself, which she deems suiting, but only time will know for sure.

❝ Someone who doesn’t forget about her past. ❞ Her words came like a murmur. ❝ Someone who learns from their past mistakes, who knows that many others will come, but won’t back away out of vulnerability or humiliation. Someone who is wise enough to know herself well, but also others. Someone who is warm. I think you get the idea. ❞

Seoah then tilts her head a bit in order to catch a glance of him. ❝ I believe that’s a realistic view to go for. Isn’t it? ❞

ponder: what do you want to do with your life?

It is answered here!

sweet dreams: are you happy?

❝ Hm? ❞ She’s impressed by the older one. Surprised even, since the male isn’t much of a talker from his demeanor, but she can’t blame one from being curious or even initiating a conversation based on questions. ❝ Are you worried about me because we talked about regrets earlier? ❞

He shouldn’t be if that’s the case. It’s true that she didn’t really answer his question earlier. She wasn’t explicit to the regret she feels lately, but it’s not like it wouldn’t fade sooner or later. Regret is an emotion and just like it, it is temporary. 

❝ I’m fine. I’m happy actually. ❞ She nods and even showcases a smile. She just has to focus on the positive side. She’s living her dream, isn’t it? She’s making music, music that has her own flavor. She would be grateful for just that. Living, breathing, doing what she loved and working hard for accomplishments she wished to obtain. 

No need to seek another kind of happiness. Not now at least.

[nouvelis]

MUSE FASHION MEME — PAK SEOAH / her style is effortless but chic, with a great emphasis on comfort. her daily wardrobe consists of neutrals and pastels, with light, silky fabrics. her go-to summer outfits are a short skirt with a flowy top or a floral dress, with loose curls half-tied or styled in a low bun. in winter, you’ll usually find her hidden in an oversized sweater and a beige wool coat to shield her from the cold and her mini skirt. too drowsy to spend that much time deciding what to wear in the morning, she relies on simple accessories like necklaces and earrings to elevate her outfits and look more put-together. her favourite as of late is a silver necklace with a delicate moonstone pendant that ends just below her collarbones.

tagged by: @f8less  @cvvalier  @phantombs  ( ty bbs 💖 )

tagging: @admelira ( yunho ) / @mehenxe ( eli ) / @celestiialmechanics ( noah ) / @f8less  ( eunki/vegas ) / @cvvalier  ( moonsil/liza ) / @dacaapo / @spoiledsovls ( hyejung ) / @redsunns  ( euna ) / @nobilitylost ( kitae ) / i think many of u have done this already??? so feel free to ignore :>!!! or alternatively... ur muse’s fashion back when they’re a troubled Edgy teen asdjafd

[nouvelis]

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓'𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐃𝐘𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐂?

jeong junso / the "comic relief" 

yes, alright, you tell your jokes and do your bits. you break awkward silences and sing silly songs. but what about when you're not keeping the levity? what else makes up the person who makes others feel good? you're kind. you connect with people. you hate to see others sad. you have a vice or two--who doesn't--but the point is, you are the epitome of what it is to be human, and you are able to encompass the absolutely zany improbability of life as we know it. people are comforted by you. they cherish your spirit and relate to you. but it can be difficult when you're not laughing. comedy becomes a wall to keep worse feelings out, or in. a person who feels any emotion to the extreme will undoubtedly feel others the same way. laughing is great, but... perhaps a big reason you appreciate your family is because there's something you can't stand in a silence.

pak seoah, jung ara & baek kyungsoo / the protective one

it does not require much for you to take someone under your wing. you have a knack for seeing the best in others and rooting for them, and they look up to you in turn. they feel that you are safe to go to in times of chaos or strife, and are calmed by your presence. you take extra measures to make sure everyone feels supported. things that others might not even consider, you have already likely accounted for. in most scenarios, you are "the leader." your struggles tend to come from your desire to provide things to others. you want to give, to see those you love happy, to make wherever you are a place of comfort. your failures hit you hard because you see this as your responsibility, and you hate to let people down. ...okay, yes, there's no avoiding it: this is the parent friend.

pak seojung / the silent sufferer

you love your friends, but the truth is, you go through most of the real things alone. it's better that no one sees you like this. you'll be fine, really, because you're used to feeling this way. it'll pass. it always does. that's what you believe, anyway. you're more likely to give someone advice on a lesson you've learned without telling them how you learned it. you've come to realize that, if they're coming to you for advice, they'll be too preoccupied to ask. it stings, but it's... that's just the way feelings work sometimes. when you're around others, most of these problems seem to vanish, and you're better able to love the person you are. only on the worst days do you continue to hear that insistent whisper that it's, "all a lie because they don't know what's *really* going on." it's not a lie. you are loved. those moments together are real. there are times when you can afford not to be so strong.

yuna / the hermit who helps

at first, you were a resource for the established characters to turn to, but you quickly began to steal the show due to your personality, your usefulness, or your inherently interesting perspective on life. you were pretty much already able to provide for yourself, but the next thing you know, these people are growing on you. instead of asking favors, it becomes an invitation to socialize. you find yourself sticking around for no apparent reason other than you like it here. the people are fun to watch, if nothing else, but ultimately they're just--oh no. oh no, you care about them. you always thought you stayed away from this "relationship" stuff for a reason. it gets messy and isn't worth it unless it really works. for some reason, this group really works. these weirdos are now your weirdos, and if anything happens to them, there will be hell to pay. you were basically already looking after them before this, after all. welcome to the family, hermit.

tagged by @theimpalpable ( ty bub ❤️)

tagging: @celestiialmechanics / @f8less / @protcsts / @redsunns / @haruusari / @cvvalier / @solisocasum / @latibulx / @thecosmicsen 

[nouvelis]

𝐖𝐇𝐘 𝐃𝐎 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐈𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ?

song yuna, jeong junso & jung ara —  because you're exhilarating

falling in love with you is like twirling around in the pouring rain, like the air rushing by on a rollercoaster, like the rapid beating of a heart when eyes meet

pak seoah — because you feel warm

falling in love with you is like waking up from a nap well rested. like sitting at a beach and dangling your feet in the water as you tilt your face back at the sun

pak seojung — because you feel alive

falling in love with you is like jumping off a cliff into the water, knowing the sea will catch your fall. like looking up into the endless sky

baek kyungsoo — because you make them happy

falling in love with you is as easy as breathing. you make everyone grateful to know you and loving you is a privilege. the only greater privilege is to be loved by you

anthony yang — because you feel like coming home

falling in love with you feels more like home than the place I live. it feels like driving home at night as a kid and pretending to be asleep so your parents carry you inside, sleepy and content

tagged by @dacaapo, @f8less & @jeoseungsaja ( thanks ❤️ )

tagging: @celestiialmechanics ( noah/tae ) / @redsunns ( haneul/euna ) / @admelira ( yh/kai ) / @cvvalier ( sj ) / @f8less ( eunki ) / @yeongxmi / @solisocasum ( dae/walter ) / @spoiledsovls ( hye ) / @phantombs / @feardrawn / @jeoseungsaja / @undrowns / @indeath

[nouvelis]

#  CELLPHONE TOUR  /  PAK SEOAH — VII.

how many alarms they have set: just one, she is a light sleeper.... except on days where she is exhausted from staying up too late, then she can sleep for hours straight and no one can find her

their favourite app(s) to use: pinterest for inspiration, also watches youtube a lot — animal videos, cooking videos that are far too aesthetically pleasing to be true, etc. netflix too, sad romantic dramas to cry her eyes out... hye pls stop her

their most used app(s): she is not on her phone too much, usually busy with her own projects and sketchbooks, she uses imessages the most to keep in touch with others

someone they have blocked: a former colleague that wouldn’t stop bothering her, sometimes her brother when he’s really mad at her lol... she’s about to block him now actually

the last person they texted: hyejung, because she just messed up real badly :^) what do you mean jae and her just broke up two weeks ago? ft. seoah and her brand of bad decisions... shoutout to hye for always being there for her no matter how fucked she is tho

soft headcanons: pic of jae and her on a cute date by the river on a cosy autumn day. they had a picnic and did cute things like him playing with her hair when she read with her hair on his lap... what do you mean she has to change the wallpaper now that they’re not together anymore?? who’s to say this breakup is permanent, huh??? do u wanna start a fight????? ( no she’s too smol she’ll just cry )

requested by @spoiledsovls 👀

[nouvelis]

WHAT DOES LOVE MEAN TO YOU?

EVERYTHING

i know you because i am you. love is everything to you and you're trying so hard to find it in every part of your life; you've refused to let yourself be blinded by apathy and cynicism and in its own way, that's a form of love. you're trying to make everything love and i hope you never stop doing that, but sometimes we can't make everything into love - being treated unfairly, feeling unheard and unseen, having your words twisted - those things aren't love, please don't try to make them feel like they are. you have so much love inside you and learning to express that externally is hard, but i'm proud of you and i hope you take care of yourself. you create love wherever you go, i hope you give that love to yourself too.

tagged by: @f8less @mythvoiced thank u friends ❤️

tagging: you!

[nouvelis]

#  CELLPHONE TOUR  /  PAK SEOAH — VIII.

how many alarms they have set: one for waking up, three more for if she doses off again which happens quite a lot

their favourite app(s) to use: facetime, she doesn’t get much time to hang out around her loved ones anymore now that her schedule is so packed, so she appreciates video calls when both parties are free

their most used app(s): voice memos for jotting down her songwriting ideas!! she gets many every day, when she is in commute, meets an old friend or just singing random tunes the shower etc

someone they have blocked: too many creepy fans, an ex and some very nosy journalists who ask troubling questions

the last person they texted: yunho, her boyfriend since their trainee years. she was telling him about the last concert and she’s really missed him and hoped his practice went well. will go to his place in the morning because she’s exhausted from her flight right now, not a clue about the pending breakup oops ((´д｀)

soft headcanons: he’s the first person she goes to whenever she finishes a new song and asks for advice, except when it’s sad songs written about them oops he’ll have to find out on the album!! imagine if u break up with ur gf only to hear the heartbreaking song she wrote abt ur r/s on radio for the whole season... tragic

requested by @bckdoors ( thank u ) 🌸

[nouvelis]

Which Greek Gods Are Your Parents? / PAK SEOAH

Poseidon & Harmonia — Oh, sweet child of the sea and harmony! Your father guards the borders of the sea, and your mother turned serpentine for love. A life of greatness stands before you dictated by emotion, depth, and serenity. No man can tell you what realm you preside over, but look to themes of calm waters and tide pools as you grow into your power.

tagged by: @phantombs ( blows a kiss )

tagging: @spoiledsovls / @redsunns / @celestiialmechanics / @solisocasum / @cvvalier / @f8less / @feardrawn / @redemptioninterlude / @nobilitylost / you!

[nouvelis]

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑    𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒    /    PAK    SEOAH    —    VERSE    III.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑    𝟎𝟎𝟏    :    𝐓𝐇𝐄    𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄  

NAME: pak seoah.

EYE COLOUR: dark brown.

HAIR STYLE /COLOUR: dark brown, almost black. usually in soft wavy curls with wispy bangs.

HEIGHT:  164cm. 

CLOTHING STYLE: usually light colours, white matched with pastel or something floral. most often seen in a lacy, silky blouse/top with a mini skirt or dresses. 

BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE: her smile! i mean, just look at this baby.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑    𝟎𝟎𝟐    :    𝐓𝐇𝐄    𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄    

FEARS: being unloved and/or abandoned. not amounting to anything at all. to have hurt others unintentionally.

GUILTY PLEASURE: eating a carton of ice cream on her days off while binge-watching cheesy romantic comedies, strawberry is her favourite. drinking a little too much sometimes. writing songs about things and people she should have gotten over, then having to sing them over a long period of time, hence forever reliving the heartache :^)

BIGGEST PET PEEVE: people who are unnecessarily malicious for no reason ( e.g. rude to service workers ), those who outsource their foul mood onto others that do not deserve it

AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE: to continue making music. she just loves to write and sing, to provide a safe space and connect with those who listen, awards are only the cherry on top ( though she worries a lot about albums flopping, she just loves her job a lot )

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑    𝟎𝟎��    :    𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒   

FIRST THOUGHTS WAKING UP: “can i sleep for another five minutes?”

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT MOST: lyrics and melodies. lost friends and loves. her next trip to somewhere no one recognises her. her last performance and ways to improve her artistry.

WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED: pretty words and pretty tunes. things to work on the next day. ghosts from the past. things and learnings she just wrote down in her journal. people she’s wronged and those who have wronged her.

WHAT THEY THINK THEIR BEST QUALITY IS: her empathy.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑    𝟎𝟎𝟒    :    𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓’𝐒    𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑    ? 

SINGLE OR GROUP DATES: single. 

TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED: loved.   

BEAUTY OR BRAINS: brains. 

DOGS OR CATS: cats! she adores both, but her schedule makes it impossible to tend to pets, especially dogs that require so much attention. 

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑    𝟎𝟎𝟓    :    𝐃𝐎    𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘   

 … LIE: often. it is a survival skill particularly for someone in the entertainment industry. it is never done with malice, mostly white lies to protect either herself or other people’s feelings. most of the time, she tries to be as authentic as she can be.

BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES: back then, not really, right now, most of the time. every night before sleep, she writes down things that warm her heart or make it ache in her journal. during harder times, she likes the revisit the kind words from her friends to remind herself of what she’s really doing it for.

BELIEVE IN LOVE: yes. still a hopeless romantic at heart despite how much it hurts.

WANT SOMEONE: yes, she is a creature of want. falls in love easily with the things around her. the first snow, the fresh smell of roses from the market, the kindness of strangers. falls in love hard and deep, does not know how to detach easily, often lets it consume her. she’d rather feel too much than not at all. 

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑    𝟎𝟎𝟔    :    𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄    𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘    𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑    … 

BEEN ON STAGE: yes, it is her job to share her sweetest smiles and deepest wounds on stage. her line of work is an oxymoron in itself, having to be both vulnerable on stage yet tough enough off it to not crumble from criticisms.

DONE DRUGS: no. gets offered often enough, turns it down with a polite smile every time. the thought of potentially losing control over her own actions is rather terrifying.

CHANGED WHO THEY WERE TO FIT IN: in her younger years, yes, especially when she found it hard to fit in with the other trainees in the beginning, fortunately she found her crowd soon enough. later in her career, not really, since she has grown more confident in who she is and what she has to offer to the world. 

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑    𝟎𝟎𝟕    :    𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐒    

FAVOURITE COLOUR: the rosé of sunsets.

FAVOURITE ANIMAL: nightingales. small, seemingly fragile things with strong voices.  

FAVOURITE BOOK: lately it’s vegetarian by han kang.

FAVOURITE GAME: n/a.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑    𝟎𝟎𝟖    :    𝐀𝐆𝐄    

DAY THEIR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE: 11 november, 2021. 

HOW OLD WILL THEY BE: 24.

𝐋𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐑    𝟎𝟎𝟗    :    𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇    𝐓𝐇𝐄    𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄   

I LOVE: wholeheartedly.

I FEEL: everything.

I HIDE : only what i must.

I MISS: feeling at ease.

I WISH: to be understood.

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘   /   @phantombs ( thank you ❤️ )

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆   /   @synthes     @noctevita    @bckdoors     @cvvalier     @chaosgrieves    @celestiialmechanics    @spoiledsovls     @solisocasum    @indeath    @theyrisen

[nouvelis]

MUSIC  MEME   /  PAK  SEOAH

rules: share five songs that represent your muse! repost, don’t reblog!

CANDLES  by daughter — i have brittle bones it seems / i bite my tongue & i torch my dreams / have a little voice to speak with, a mind of thoughts & secrecy

ANGEL  by beabadoobee —  your bones are only painted gold / that's why it rots beneath your soul / you're not as brave as you may seem

WRITER IN THE DARK  by lorde — i am my mother's child, i'll love you 'til my breathing stops / i'll love you 'til you call the cops on me

HUMAN  by dodie — will you share your soul with me? / unzip your skin & let me have a see / lean for me & i'll fall back / you'll fit so nicely, you'll keep me intact

THE OTHER SIDE  by conan gray — i hope all of our dreams are kept fragrant & i'll meet you on the pavement / when we make it to the other side 

tagged by: @phantombs ( thank you ❤️ )

tagging: @bckdoors / @spoiledsovls / @solisocasum / @cvvalier / @f8less / @redsunns / @feardrawn / @redemptioninterlude  / @jeoseungsaja / @nobilitylost

[nouvelis]

👀 + what is your biggest flaw? ( all muses )

SEND ME A “👀 + A QUESTION” AND MY MUSE HAS TO ANSWER HONESTLY, accepting.

under read more cause there are too many!! tysm for sending aaa this is fun (◕ ω ◕✿)

yuna

"that my insistence on independence is really just a front to hide that i’m nowhere as brave as i want to be.” yuna thinks of the father she’s never met, her mother’s hand that dawn of december. ice-cold, just like the first snow tapping against the window. she was only sixteen. “i leave first before i can get left, because it’s easier to run and tell yourself that you don’t need anybody. loneliness is safe, but it’s not everything.” a slow nod, introspective. “it’s all good now, though. i’ve gotten used to it — to being braver.” to loving and being loved. to trusting and being trusted. to hope. to the belief that she deserves to be happy for once and she is — the happiest she’s been in a long time.

seojung

“i want it too much. i never know when to stop. i let it consume me.” seojung blinks from his own admission, the gravity of honesty astounds a man too accustomed to his own lies. there are things that he prefers to keep in the dark, pretend not to exist even when he’s in a room by himself. “i don’t know how to love in a way that doesn’t suffocate. i’m either too much or too little. i hide beneath my anger, i numb myself with vices.” he shrugs — this is not as dreadful as he envisaged, actually. cathartic, almost. perhaps this is why people squander so much just to be stuck in a room with a complete stranger who’s willing to hear their every weep, examine every wound. “it’s only unfortunate that uriel can never get rid of me, now. a fucking shame, really, that he’s stuck with someone like me.”

seoah

“wanting to be loved to a flaw.” seoah divulges, folding her hands in discomfort. she stares at the shape of her nails, the puncture from the hours on her guitar as if it is now the most fascinating thing in the room. it is quiet in here, so quiet that she can hear the quickening of her heartbeat, now ablaze. “so much that i let it drown me. let love turns me into whoever they want me to be just so i can keep them a little longer. but that’s not love, is it? that’s desperation. i shouldn’t have to... fold myself into something so small just so people can find room for me. that’s not how it works. not how it’s supposed to, anyway.”

kyungsoo

“i want everyone to love me that i end up being everything i hated.” kyungsoo veils it with a laugh, abashed. it feels strange to be vulnerable like this, to bare his bones for another to see and judge and frown upon — it terrifies him to the core. “it’s always easier to hide the unloveable parts, to be who they want you to be. this... idealised version of yourself where no flaws exist. this is the kind that everyone falls for. the jokester, the one who makes you laugh, the one who’s always happy.” except this person never exists, a mere caricature conquered by the incessant need to be adored. “but what’s the point of getting everyone’s love when you don’t even like yourself?”

ara

the actress flinches, wishes to hide beneath another act but a promise is a promise. “that i’m never satisfied with anything i do. i always want to be better, bigger, more.” her teeth graze her bottom lip, ruining the crimson lipstick. “but when will it be enough? can anything measure up? feels like i’m constantly trying to prove myself — i don’t know who to. just that i’ll do anything to prove them wrong.” a grumble from the base of her throat. “i’ve always wanted to be one of those people who can just say fuck it and move on, but i don’t. i never move on, i fixate on every little thing.” it is bound to kill her one day, that much she is certain of. but how can she end it when she doesn’t know where it begins?

donovan

ah, the dreaded question. baring his flaws is never his forte — is it anyone’s, really? the truth is always disconcerting. “that i’ve completely lost my sense of self.” the lanky slytherin answers, his voice too calm for the weight of the words enunciated. “i guess seven years of hiding does fuck you up. who knows? maybe it’d started even before that. maybe i never knew who i was as a person, only who i am in relation to others.” a bitter smile falls upon the war-torn man as he takes another sip of americano. it suits him, though, the shade of sadness. “it’s better with annie. she makes it easier... to be me, whoever that is. perhaps she knows better than i do, if i’m being completely honest.”

alexa

“whatever that i fall in love with becomes an obsession. it devours me and i let it.” the ballerina hums, a wistful look in her emerald eyes, her mind adrift. “it become something that consumes me all the time. i know nothing of moderation.” soft fingertips trace the wedding band on her ring finger, aureate and cold to touch. “but it’s not all bad, you see. look at all the virtuosos that actually mattered and amounted to something, weren’t they all a bit obsessive, one way or another? isn’t it how people become great? what’s the point of dying a silent death?”

[nouvelis]

◈

mun related, accepting.

◈ — share some headcanons that you have for a muse of your choosing 

— pak seoah, verse iii.

drinks coffee daily but only the sweetest types only since she hates bitterness, only drinks black when she is absolutely exhausted but still has things to do. it gives her jitters and she doesn’t like it.

been writing songs since she’s 12, about stories she’s read in books and movies and on tv shows. sang them like she went through the heartbreak before she even had a proper first kiss :^)

usually the Mom friend who takes care of everyone and makes sure they’re well-fed and listened to. she’s the type who invites newcomers to join the conversation and ask for their opinions so they won’t feel awkward or left out.

loves flowers, used to garden a lot growing up and finds it soothing to watch seedlings grow into something pretty. would love to have a greenhouse or a nice garden in the future. dream proposal spot? a flower field, take notes c:

her most dominant love language is touch. she does it mindlessly. a hand over her lover’s when they gush about their day. head on their lap when she reads. fingers grazing when they walk together. soft kisses on cheeks, knuckles, everywhere. warm hugs when she greets her friends.

[nouvelis]

“ i’m proud of you. ” for seoah

softer prompts, accepting.

it is utterly unexpected to have reached the level of success she has, something that she used to only dream of as a girl from nowhere with just a voice to rely on. to have so many people willing to listen to the things she writes down in the quiet hours, to hear her songs buzzing on the radio occasionally even when she is far from home. she meant what she said when she said that it’s all because of him, that she wouldn’t be where she is today if it isn’t for all the support he’s given her at the dawn of her career — she still means them. 

it is almost risible, how her first breakout song was inspired by their fallout and years later, their lives are entwined again as if nothing has changed at all. how his smile is still her favourite sight to see, the way his hand still fits perfectly around hers — just as warm as before. a week has passed since their unforeseen encounter in that café on her favourite block, but it still doesn’t feel real to have him back in her life, the same gentleness in his voice reserved just for her.

“thank you.” there are dashes of summer to be found in the soft curves of her face as she beams at him and squeezes his hand. his words are still a sweet delirium that feels more like a fever dream when she hears his drowsy mumbles in the morning ( she doesn’t want to wake up. she hopes she won’t have to ). he looks golden in the sun like this, hair swaying in the soft sea breeze, much happier than when their paths diverged all those years ago — she’ll do anything to make this last. to keep that smile on his pretty lips, that glimmer of hope in his tender gaze. she isn’t sure if she can fathom losing this again, now that she knows he’s missed her the same way, that it’s a love that’s never ceased.

 “i’m proud of you too. but you already know, don’t you?”

[nouvelis]

the touch of warmth that stays —

“why do i write these things... oh, it’s terrifying. terrifies me, still. doesn’t it always leave you vulnerable? stripping off your skins and bones... til there’s nothing left but the ache, the tremble of the heart. i think everyone’s afraid of it. but someone has to write these down and wear them — how else are we supposed to feel understood? that’s how i want my songs to be, a voice that says hey, it’s okay. i’m here, you’re not alone. a soft tap on the shoulder, a touch of warmth that stays.” her smile wanes a little like the beams pouring from the windows. then, a chuckle, feather-light. “so sappy... sorry, i didn’t mean to.”

[nouvelis]

instagram update — 1.12.2020 / 

heyseoah: ??? in the making. stay tuned, my loves  (*´∇｀*)