#send me your best motivational vibes and whatnot

[lady-harrowhark]

okay i literally cannot be on here at all today. i don’t have the self control and i have so. much. work. that i need to do. i am cutting myself off.

[sailorhyunjinz]

cherry advice on how to not lose motivation to keep a blog page going >:(

I feel like if you’re growing bigger, you’re supposed to have more responsibility and especially if people are requesting but the req is now just rotting in your inbox

YOU ARE ASKING ME THIS QUESTION-

the first thing to note is that you don't owe people,,, anything really-

having requested something isnt like the requester getting a guarantee that they will see their idea published on your blog. shit comes up and you get busy or maybe you just dont vibe with the idea even if it doesnt break any blog-guidelines, something you just dont want to write a particular thing and that is ok.

sure, it is a responsibility to run a blog but its your blog meaning you can post whatever the fuck you want on there and whenever you want without having to face any backlash for it. your blog belongs to you.

and like saying this is so much easier said than done and honestly i lose motivation all the time to write on here, not because im also v busy with uni and whatnot but because i dont have the same drive to write anymore as i used to, a change in hobbies is also something that shouldnt be looked down upon cause its so normal.

my biggest tips as a,,, IDK IVE BEEN CLASSED AS AN "OLDER SKZ WRITER" WHICH SGAFHDSJFH ive had my blog for a year- but nonetheless,,, my best tips are to 1) take your time or maybe more like take time off, taking a hiatus is really good sometimes and thinking about something else rather just writing and trying to come up with fic ideas day in and day out, you will come back feeling more refreshed or maybe you will reflect upon writing and discover something about yourself 2) if you dont vibe with a requested idea you are not obliged to write it. if its not your taste or doesnt go along with the theme of your blog or just SIMPLY FEEL BLANK LIKE "I HAVE NOTHING POPPING UP IN MY MIND WHEN I READ THIS PROMPT" then you dont have to write it. 3) i do this or more like i try to do this but the moment i feel like "ugh writing feels like a chore rather than something fun" i stop, i save and i go do something else. i want to train my mind to think that writing is fun and if i try to just push push push through the feeling of burden and just not feeling like its enjoyable your mind subconsciously categorizes it as "work" which we are not trying to achieve here honey-

ok i have no idea if this even made any sense or was useful but im somehow very flattered that you as a writer decided to send me an ask?? LIKE?? wow do i look that put-together HSAHSAASDJH I CAN ASSURE YOU IM NOT HYFDUSHFD but thank u <333

[goldenscript]

farewell.

In my head, I thought of just typing in, “good bye” before deleting this entire account. Then, it’s done. It’s gone. Everything is finally finished like I wanted. And, somehow I won’t feel guilty for all of the unfinished drafts and stories I have that I meant to post on this blog, because I promised myself I wouldn’t leave things unfinished here. That was always one of my biggest goals upon writing, thinking that I wouldn’t suffer from those horrendous writer’s blocks and whatnot. But, to be perfectly honest, I know that it was a fool’s dream to think that I wouldn’t face some obstacle after dedicating so much time and effort into my work. 

When I started writing on here, I just wanted to write. I read so much fanfic and I wanted to contribute my own share after countless times of thinking to myself, “I could be a writer. I could do this, too.” I mean I tried a few times with other fandoms, but I wanted to try again and I wanted to stick to it for once. Before now, I never could finish a story unless I was emotionally wrecked enough to do so. Sure, I had ideas, but I could never bring them into fruition, because of time, inspiration, and worst of all, motivation. None of those things ever lined up, and maybe it was preparing me for 2016 when I really took the reigns and got into this business of writing. I mean, yeah I liked the idea of prestige and feedback, and a lot of that hope fueled my motivation to write and somehow people wound up liking my writing, and I’m forever grateful to those people who gave my work a chance, liked it, and left a comment, a message, and a follow just to show their admiration. 

I never wouldn’t imagined garnering this many people on this account, or any account, really. It never struck my mind that I could somehow get this many followers just from the work I produced, and to wrap my head around that fact still blows my mind to this day. And, it’s sad that I’m not only here to thank you guys, but to also let you know that I will no longer be writing on this account anymore. 

To explain a little further (for anyone that cares): I’m not happy with this blog anymore. It’s been quite some time since I’ve felt content with it, honestly. I guess what really started to weigh on me was the fact that I was constantly putting my requests over my own personal projects. I know. That’s definitely on me. And, I know that I recently mentioned that I would no longer be taking or doing requests unless I really felt like it, but that’s the thing. I took on requests to thank the wonderful followers I’ve managed to accumulate over the two years of my being on this account, and in that time, I was so incredibly touched and happy that people were reading my work, occasionally leaving a message, and just being as kind as following me for my work, because as a writer, that means a lot. 

If you don’t know already, I’m an English major with an emphasis in Creative Writing. This is exactly what I want to be doing, if only for the fact that I don’t get paid on here and I don’t know how practical it would be to just forgo a more steady-paying job and just write (which I wouldn’t mind but I’d like money to live comfortably). Anyway, I did that for my followers and partially for myself. I feel like any request that I’ve taken on, it has also been for me; I shaped it that way, at least. But the thing with me and my writing is that I put my heart and soul into every single piece I do. There are bits of me etched within the seams of sentences, plot details, and all that. I thrive off of feedback and just the acknowledgement that I could make you happy or sad by a piece. And, alright, I’m not trying to guilt anyone, because it’s no one’s actual fault that I just can’t bear with the idea of fruitlessly trying to please everyone with my work and only receiving a few handful of crickets in return. I mean it’s not fun writing and hoping that someone has something kind to say and not receiving that. I didn’t want to beg anyone for feedback, and I don’t want to now. 

I’m tired of being plagued by numbers. Before I didn’t care. Sure, it made me super duper happy to gain a follower and I’ll admit I would get sad when I lost some. I was new back then. I didn’t really understand what kind of disparity can come from a large following, because a large number means nothing if there’s no interaction to back it up. I’ve talk to plenty of people to try and solve this problem while still being here on this blog, but when I come on here I don’t find that same joy as before anymore. Every now and then, I do smile from some kind, out-of-the-blue message or tag, but if anything, I’ve just come on here to message a few pals, queue up, and then go on my merry way. I want to write again. I want to write those personal projects that I’ve been dying to get to for ages now. I don’t want to look back on this experience and then wish that I had just done what I wanted to do instead of trying to spread myself too thin by trying to tick off every single request I get. And, I certainly don’t want to keep coming back here and hoping that someone acknowledges the hard work I put into a piece that I promise you I painstakingly plotted because that’s just the kind of writer I am.

What I am trying to say is that I’m just tired of looking at this blog with a heavy heart, because I’ve had my fair share of fond memories on here. I’ve received kind messages and made amazing friends who I can’t even begin to express my gratitude towards. I can’t let go of those memories that I’ve made with them, I won’t, but I will no longer write on this blog, because I no longer have the inspiration to do so. I’ll keep it up, probably turn it into an archive, where my followers and anyone else is free to roam and enjoy, but I ask that no one try to plagiarize from me while I’m gone, because I’ll check in every now and then. I still hold these pieces and this blog near and dear to my heart, so don’t disrespect me by trying to pass off what is mine as yours. I will leave my queue running for however long it goes, so enjoy that. I may return to finish some stories that I’ve started and wanted to finish as well. Maybe. Just please respect my decision, and please know that I’m grateful to every single one of my readers and followers, and I’m sending the best vibes I can from my part of the universe. 

Thank you for reading this if you’ve gotten this far. Thank you for also reading my work, for enjoying my fake texts, for existing. 

Em ♡

(P.S. You might spot me somewhere else, but I won’t say for sure!)