#send me a username and i’ll tell you my opinion on them!

[romanarose]

All right, I lied I’m talking about it again

CW for mentions of sexual assault, CSA, supposed, pedophilia, fandom, discourse, kink, etc, etc

First, let me explain to those confused, what happened and then I’ll defend myself and then we’ll leave it there because once I go through everything your opinion is just going to be based on your point of view and I can’t really argue you out of that which is fine, so just go ahead and block me if you think I’m a creep weirdo or anything else that Radiohead says

Today as I am in class packing up my shit to leave right after my presentation I get a notification from a Tumblr mutual that said that a Tumblr blog I’ve never heard of or interacted with is posting about me in a harassing way so I go and I check it into my surprisethey posted screenshots of my most recent fanfiction. I miss you Mr. Miller.

The post explicitly called me a pedophile. I’ll share the screenshots, but the username as far as I can tell has been cropped out of everything. If you want to send and ask to this person and say your peace, I can’t stop you, but I ask you not harass this person, and simply report the post, if you know who it is

In one of the re-blogs or an answer to an ask, they called for mass, reporting my blog

No, I don’t say this to say that people who have been through what I’ve been through can’t be pedophiles or abusers, because they absolutely can but I say this to say why I had such a reaction to this and why I write the things I write

I have been a victim of child, sexual abuse was stocked, threatened and sexually harassed by an older man. When I was 17, lost my virginity to rape and 18, and then was raped again at 19 so believe me when I say that throwing around these words is shocking to me to just call me a pedophile. I write the things I write, innocent, reader, virgin reader, daddy kink, because of the things that I have been through sometimes as a reclamation of the experiences that I have suffered, sometimes as coping sometimes as comfort depends on the story.

No, let’s talk the specific issues

1. Shoes. Before I saw any of this, someone had DM me politely mentioning the shoes saying that they looked like child feet and that they wanted to make sure they were adult feet. I responded back that when I found the shoes on Pinterest they didn’t say anything one way or another, but I specifically look at the descriptions of clothing items because I don’t want to use clothing items that aren’t made for adults. If I can help it however, reverse image search shows that those are in fact an adult size and an adult model.



2. The dress once again, when I found the dress on Pinterest, I had already sorted out several dresses that I liked that first glance, but when I look at the description they said, teen or tween. It’s hard to tell right away it was certain styles there’s no model the dress is meant for what age I remember in my young adult hood when I was still dressing feminine and was a much smaller size. I sometimes found clothes at thrift stores. I thought were cute and would later find out they were meant for teens or twins, such as life.

2 Readers. Reader is 21+. Me personally I don’t put reader is 18+ in all my stories or my age gap stories, nor do I expect to see them when I read age gap stories in other peoples works, because I just assume everyone is an adult unless there’s some thing that tips me off against that, however, straight off the bat, the idea of being fucked in your childhood bedroomI feel like implies that she is one no longer a child and two doesn’t live there anymore. A couple chapters in, her and Joel are at her apartment and she was buying a new mattress having an apartment in itself implies at least 18 buying a new mattress is something you do in your 20s lol because no one was still in their name is gonna get excited about a mattress sale on Presidents’ Day. Then she was out drinking with Joel in a bar and yes, minors can get snuck into bars all the time I was a minor snuck into bars, however in this particular context, it just doesn’t make sense because Joel reader were already afraid of being seen together together. Joel wouldn’t want to add buying drinks for someone under 18 and taking them home after the bar to the list of worries and I know that in a lot of countries, the age of drinking can vary but in the US we’re both I live and where Joel fictionally lives the drinking age of 21, hence 21+ no none of the stuff I mentioned guarantees and reader but to me it’s coding in the same way that the people making accusations towards me are saying that reader is “coded“ as a child

3. Sex in the church. This was an afterthought in the person‘s post but I’ll address it anyway because they’re losing their mind that I mentioned having sex in a church for the context of the thick. Specifically, they had sex in a church bathroom, not in the actual sanctuary, or the pews, or anything however, for the record, I don’t got a problem with fanfiction having sex in a church because it’s not real. I would never actually have sex in a church, I try to go up to avoid going to a church as much as possible. The fanfiction isn’t real, it can’t hurt you

Lesson fucking learned, explicitly say reader is 18+ every time or someone is gonna accuse you of being a pedo

In the end, it’s not gonna change anyone’s minds. Because if you think that calling someone daddy, being hyper or liking to be babied, anything like that, makes you a pedophile, then I can’t really ration my way out of this.

However, I want to say thank you to everyone who reached out. A lot of blogs I’ve never interacted with a lot of friends, mutuals and on or blogs that I’ve followed on here for a year. Now I’ve reached out to me and offer their support which I really really appreciate and I cannot appreciate enough.

Hopefully I can still enjoy my cousins wedding this weekend and get my schoolwork done that I need to before going back to classes on Monday and that this doesn’t make more worse my already precarious mental health. But I’ve gotten so much love in so many kind words that it’s hard not to feel grateful for the amount of support I’ve gotten.

Between this and a minor hoopla about my pride even, I’m kinda sick of tumblr sometimes but y’all remind me of the good

Yes, you can re-blog, and if you wanna know who it is then ask someone else that’s fine I don’t really care that much. I just don’t want to be dog piling the person.

However, please report it. Because people are still sharing it, and commenting and liking especially about the shoe size

That’s it that’s my peace

[claypigeonpottery]

Hey, I'm Martine, the artist behind Clay Pigeon Pottery. my pronouns are she/he/they.

I’m married to the amazing @subpar-lemon-bar ❤️ and we’ve been married for 15 years

I started this tumblr mostly to think out loud and post pictures, it was more for me than anything. I didn’t expect it to get much attention tbh, but it’s really cool that so many people are enjoying and sharing my work.

I love talking pottery, so if you have opinions/questions/pieces to share, send me an ask or tag me in a post!

I've got an instagram and a tiktok (both under @claypigeonpottery) I update on instagram whenever I have instagram appropriate pottery to post, and tiktok... almost never. I'm backing away from Etsy as much as I can.

I've been making pottery for about eight years, painting and drawing for about nineteen years, and alive for thirty-five. My mom's the one who got me into pottery. We started taking classes together to help me overcome my agoraphobia. It (and many other difficult things besides) mostly worked. I'm not going to get into my health much here, though I may mention it sometimes as it relates to my pottery.

I decorate my pieces primarily with sgraffito (scratching away the clay after I've painted a piece with underglaze to reveal the clay underneath) but I also use the mishima technique to make fine lines, and paint with underglaze, and use a half dozen other techniques. Most of my designs incorporate nature and fantasy elements. Skulls are definitely a theme. I really enjoy sculpting bodies and have been doing a lot of that. I also particularly like perytons, jackalopes and wolpertingers.

I love pigeons, I have two, and I intend to make more pigeon-related pottery this year to live up to my username.

I mainly hand build my pottery, I haven't touched the wheel in a couple years. I usually tell people I'm more of a decorator than a potter, because most of my art skills were honed drawing and painting, but I do love the clay side of it too. If you spot wheel thrown pieces amongst my work, it's probably because one of my studio partners threw them for me

My mom and I started going to the studio without a teacher after a couple years when we became members at the local studio. She's been a huge supporter of my art since I was young, and I really appreciate everything she does for me. My parents have retired since then, and now she's only here for a few weeks a year. now I mostly do my pottery work at home, and go to the studio once a week with a friend.

I'm disabled, and making pottery helps with my mental health. I sell my work to help make ends meet and because I make too much pottery to keep it all. I'm incredibly lucky to be supported by my amazing spouse, and by my parents.

For now I'm doing pottery pretty much all the time. Once in awhile I’ll teach a decorating workshop at the local pottery studio, but otherwise I’m just making!

a sgraffito portrait of me and one of my pigeons

[in-all-ways-always]

8/7/23

Dear Love,

How are you? I’m doing good, the meds are helping. I haven’t had a clear mind ever in my life. Even though it’s made to help manage depression and anxiety, they said it has helped people with adhd. I’ve never had my adhd treated, I’ve struggled with it all my life. And for the first time in my life I can actually think and focus.

Wednesday will be a whole week of taking them, and they’ve helped a lot, I’m hopeful for once, optimistic. I look forward to seeing how much they help me in the future as time goes on. I have been feeling some of the side effects as the days have gone by. More and more I’ve not had an appetite, which I’m sure you know I am not mad about at all. It gives me energy, but not in a jittery anxious way. I feel more motivated to actually get up and do things. Where as before getting up just to throw something in the trash felt like a burden, even showering or brushing my teeth felt like a chore. I feel like I have a bit more patience now, I react to things that would set me off or annoy me differently. Which is very new, I mean, when I would be high I guess I’d react differently, in a more chill/whatever type of way. So maybe not so new.

The other side effects I’ve been feeling that I’m not thrilled about are the stomach pains, those are not fun. The nausea, I get slight headaches, my vision has worsened, and I break out into sudden sweats. I also have constipation problems with it, like I didn’t already have problems going to the bathroom. But I can deal with all of those things, they aren’t major issues that are stopping me from doing anything I need to do in my every day life.

I want so badly to talk to you, to see you. I miss you so much and I hope that you miss me just the same as I do you. I’m so tempted to go back to you and tell you I’m fine now, because the meds have me feeling better. But I know that there’s still so much work to be done with me in therapy, I can’t risk going back and ruining things between us for good. But I want you to know I am feeling better, i feel like a different person. I actually almost gave myself a panic attack the other night when I was sending voice messages to Gaby, I was listening to my messages and I couldn’t tell that it was me talking. I don’t know how else to explain it, other than I sound like a totally different person when I was talking to her, and telling her how I feel, and everything. Almost like to me, my voice sounds different. Idk, that’s just my opinion though. Maybe when you finally speak to me again you’ll notice a change.

My feelings haven’t changed for you. I still love you just the same as I did the last time we saw each other. I don’t cry anymore hardly. Things that I would breakdown crying so easily over, I don’t find myself on the verge of tears anymore. Although today I did cry when doing those NGL’s things on my close friends. Someone had asked if there was anyone that I missed, and it kinda hit me, and I broke down a little. I answered it and saw that you watched it. It I deleted it and felt like maybe it didn’t matter.

I wonder if you’ve found this blog yet and are reading what I write. Sometimes I wish that you’d drop hints that you read it, but then I’d think about it like how would he even know what hint to drop? Maybe my username? Idk, I see that you are wearing my necklace, I get happy each time that I see you wearing it in your stories. Like you’re letting me know you’re still waiting, you’re still there. That you’re keeping us, our future, alive.

I’m still unsure of the echo show, I want so badly to go. But I’m scared how you’ll treat me, I’m scared I’ll show up and see you with your arms wrapped around someone else. I won’t tell you, or hint to you that I’m going. I won’t even hint on here. Like you said, if I go, I go, and we’ll see what happens and not to let you know.

How’s your dad? Did he when his election? I hope he did, it would be stupid for anyone to vote for his opponent. The last you told me, it sounded like people were super supportive of him and like they were gonna vote for him. I hope that was the case. I hope your brother and Marley are good. I wonder sometimes if anyone knows me and you are on a break? I don’t tell anyone, other than Gaby, she’s really the only person I have that I can turn to for anything, all my problems. She’s always there when I need her.

If I’m being honest, I did those NGL’s things because I was hoping to hear from you somehow. That you’d write something that only me and you would know. I did feel like one of the questions I got may have been from you, and it was not a question I liked at all. The one about size and do I miss it. It’s something you’ve asked me in the past, and I really hope that’s not something you would ask me as you know I’m trying to get myself better. Don’t try to bring out the version of me that I’m trying to let go of.

I think about you every single day, you are always in my mind and in my heart. I carry you with me always, everywhere that I go. I miss you beyond this world, and I love you beyond time and space. You have my heart, and I am yours, in all ways, always.

I love you,

Your Mija

[moo-moo-meadows]

User Minecraftblu?

blue!! it looks like i follow them so i must’ve had a good impression on them (also kinda gives me an estimate of possibly how long you’ve been around bc i don’t follow newer mcytblr blogs much anymore) they seem like they’re just vibing and having fun and i’m glad

[thefanficmonster]

Interesting Encounters

Corpse Husband *& Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Paranoia and Fear of Invasion of Privacy

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Corpse has an interesting run-in with his regular delivery girl, having the chance to talk to her for the first time despite her having been delivering to his door for months. It’s a big step in overcoming his anxiety and paranoia when talking to strangers.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your wonderful request! Hope you come across the final product of your request and give it a read and if so I hope you like it! Sorry for the wait, I hope it was worth it though! Love, Vy ❤

It’s a regular Monday morning, close to 10AM and Corpse’s face is practically glued to the sound editing app he’s downloaded, playing around with some cool effects to add to his voice in the background of the new song he’s been working on. He hasn’t been able to sleep a wink thanks to the immense excitement, not that he would’ve been able to regardless, but the tune and the lines have been stuck in his head all throughout the weekend and he knows they’ll be bothering him until he turns them into something other people will be able to listen and give an opinion on as well. So far he’s done plenty of work but there’s plenty more to go until it’s done. He’s at that point he usually needs feedback and wants to ask for it but would rather not to avoid either too harsh judgement or fake praise.

He slides the headset off, deciding to take a break for the sake of his sanity before he drives himself to insanity with the intensity of his focus on this new piece. His brain just so conveniently sends him a reminder that his groceries are probably waiting for him outside the door. He has, as of the last half a year or so, had someone deliver his groceries to him to avoid trips to the grocery store with both the whole pandemic situation and the growth of following which translates to growth of the risk of him getting recognized. That’s the main reason - and maybe the only one - as to why he doesn’t interact with the people who deliver to him either. He always gives his delivery person the instruction to leave whatever he’s ordered at the doorstep and if it’s not takeout to not even ring the doorbell. 

That being said, the deliverer of his groceries doesn’t ring the doorbell to give him the kind reminder to be responsible, but luckily he hasn’t forgotten to collect them yet in the six months he’s been practicing this delivery technique.

Going to the front door and looking out of the peephole, he confirms there are several full plastic bags waiting to be picked up on the mat. With the person who brought them not in sight, Corpse unlocks the door and steps out to bring in the groceries for the week. Taking them to the kitchen, he unpacks the goods in the three bags. At first glance he would’ve been fooled, seeing as how it seems that all he has ordered is there. But, each Monday, he receives exactly four bags of groceries. One is missing. He rolls his eyes thinking he didn’t see it outside and left it there while he was hurriedly collecting the rest so he gets up to go grab it real quick.

While in the meantime...

Y/N looks through the remainder of bags in her minivan, making a route in her head for what roads and shortcuts she can take to deliver the last of the groceries to the respective homes they need to be taken to. Upon looking through them, however, she sees a bag labeled ‘MM’ that she uses short for ‘Mystery Man’, aka the guy who never opens the door to greet her whenever she delivers him anything. She works for several delivery services such as takeout, groceries, clothes even and has delivered to that apartment hundreds of times but has never met the resident, giving her the right to call him Mystery Man, aka ‘MM’.

“Ah, shit.“ She mumbles under her breath, realizing she failed to grab the fourth bag when on her way up to MM’s apartment.

Coming to terms with the fact that she’ll have to lose another five minutes going back up to his floor, she grabs the bag and takes off running back inside the building and up the stairs, deciding it would be quicker than taking the elevator.

Just as she arrives to the floor, heading straight for the door, it opens, freezing her in her tracks as her eyebrows shoot up.  At the doorstep stands a guy with an eye patch who looks more surprised and maybe even a little terrified than her. Taking in that Mystery Man is not such a mystery anymore, she returns to her professionalism, remaining at a distance and outstretching the hand holding the bag towards him.

“Sorry, forgot to drop this one off as well, I’m a bit all over the place today.“ She says in her most professional voice.

Corpse too regains his composure and takes the handed bag from Y/N gloved hand. Before he can think twice about it he says, “Thanks, uh...”

“Y/N.“ She says, “I’ve delivered to you countless times, it’s funny you don’t know my name but it’s to be expected since I’ve never seen you. This would be a good time to tell me your name so I don’t have to call you Mystery Man anymore.“ She laughs, cutting her own laughter off barely a second later when she realizes what she’s said, “Oh, fucking shit...”

Corpse chuckles, clear amusement in the sound, “Mystery Man? Interesting, interesting. If I ever become a superhero I’ll make sure to pick that name.” He fails to even pay mind to the fact that he’s spoken a lot more than he’d usually feel comfortable with.

Y/N laughs a little awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck, “Yeah, sorry about that. I promise to come up with a better one if you’re not willing to tell me your real one. Like....Pirate, for example?” she suggests, raising her shoulders.

He can’t help but let out a laugh, “You’d be surprised, but my name is not so far from your mark. It’s, um....” He’s not looking forward to the judgmental look or the questions he might receive in response to his statement but he succumbs to the expected disappointment, “My name’s Corpse.”

Surprisingly, she just smiles - a smile he cannot see due to the surgical mask she’s wearing but the crinkle at the corners of her eyes gives it away. “Cool! Well, I better get going then.”

Just as she turns to head for the elevator this time, seeing as she’s still out of breath from the run up the stairs, Corpse gets an idea he’d probably not be too fond of if he gave himself time to think it over. Which is exactly why he didn’t.

“Hey!“ He calls after her, gaining her attention immediately, causing her to turn around, “You got a minute? I need a little help with something...“

Y/N’s eyebrows raise a little, a moment before she shrugs her shoulders, “Meh, I’m already behind schedule, what’s an extra minute gonna do?” And just like that, they strut their way back towards his apartment.

He can’t help but chuckle, taking the opportunity to crack a joke, “This is how people often get killed. You don’t just walk into a stranger’s apartment like that.”

She scoffs as she passes the threshold, “Believe it or not, you can learn a lot about a person based on the groceries they buy. And trust me buddy, you’re not a murderer.” Earning herself a laugh and a nod with that remark, she continues, “You do appear to be an artist with all the cheap food you’re buying though.”

Corpse laughs yet again, a hint of nervousness is sensed in his laugh this time around though, “Yeah, well, I don’t know if you’re still gonna call me an artist when you hear this song I’ve been working on. Not even out of the box yet.”

Y/N stops in her tracks, “Well, well, well, aren’t I honored to be one of the lucky people hearing this before its release.”

“The first hearing it before its release.“ He corrects her with a pointed look, not missing the excitement that arose in her eyes.

“Let’s hear it then!“

Of all the friendship stories that exist, no one can say this ain’t a unique one.

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse  @sunnyrae-cessh  @ladykxxx08  @meowiemari  @renupf  @booklover76  @sra-verissimo  @beatrhizn  @blueberrystigma  @beatrhizn  @chicken-taco-burrito  @scorpios-echos

[wisteria-lodge]

bird primary (snake system) + snake secondary (bird model, badger model, lion performance)

So, first things first: I’m fairly sure my houses (primary or secondary or maybe even both) are pretty heavily charred. The sorting hat chat quiz sends me away with a different result each time, and I can kind of relate to all the houses. I was thinking I might do this sort me post by talking about what I find confusing about the categories, I think it might be more helpful than just talking about myself. I’m also not neurotypical (there’s a good chance no-one in my family is), and I think my ADHD and (potentially, it’s under investigation) autism might be messing with my ability to figure out my secondary. Impulsivity, executive dysfunction…. Not necessarily helpful.

That’s a neat way of approaching things. I like it.

~ PRIMARIES ~

[Initial note: after reading a bunch of sorts and some of the stuff on the new sorting hat chats Tumblr, I’ve decided that primaries are functionally to do with the the concept of eudaimonia (philosophical contentment/the good life): what does character or person X require/feel is required to live a good life. Eg: a cause, people to be loyal to, a community, or a constructed system/truth. This affects what I’ll say/how I’ll say it below.]

I would completely agree with this statement, and we love Aristotle over here. 

The one primary I’ve decided I’m (probably?) not is bird. 

I’m totally listening and everything, but I can tell by your username that you’re a Discworld fan, and all the really big Discworld fans that I know are Bird primaries. Also your methodology so far seems pretty Bird. Like, you’re not just emotionally describing your life (the way a Lion would) you’re interrogating every step of the system I am presenting you with, and coming back with the bits you find confusing? 

(also my readers won’t be able to tell, but this is the second draft of your submission.)

My opinions and views tend to be very internal: I check them against the outside world to see what can be backed up in an argument

This just… a very bird primary statement. Obviously everything gets filtered though you, but you’re consciously pulling things in from external sources. 

but I’m not all that good at changing my mind. 

I’m not sure if anyone is amazing at that. But it’s something that is especially… embarrassing, or even disturbing, for Idealist primaries. 

I also just don’t have much faith in the idea of creating “systems” through which to understand the world/ethics, or in the concept of a “truth.” I’m wary of the idea that humans are capable of rationality outside very selective and artificial parameters like maths: especially in the field of ethics, most attempts at detached rationality that I’ve read seem intellectually dishonest.

I’m starting to think that you are such a *deep* Bird, that you are reading all the primaries as different flavors of bird, and when you do that “bird” comes out as simplified and Spock-like. You are literally working out a worldview here. It’s not a worldview based in “rationality,” and I support that completely. Anyone who believes themselves entirely rational or without bias is coming from a place of hubris. But this is still a worldview that you have consciously generated, and that is the important part when it comes to this system. 

…or hypocritical at best. 

I’m going on patterns here, because that’s all I can do. No one likes hypocrites. But Birds HATE hypocrites. 

Codes/methods/theories of ethics often boil down to something so similar to the societal ethics of their creators’ cultures/people’s instinctive reasoning that they just seem to me to be an unnecessary and defensive attempt to remove the emotions from emotional things. 

That’s some pushback against the way that I would say Badger primaries/lion primaries process things.

(As you could probably tell from the eudaimonia thing) I do have a soft spot for ancient virtue ethics though, which are at least honest about the fact that they’re not trying to create any new idea about what the “right” things to do are. Modern philosophers tend to argue this makes them insufficiently action-guiding; I prefer the idea that they just want to point out what people around them generally approve of, note that these often conflict with eachother, and leave room for their students to manoeuvre and judge for themselves what is best to do in the moment.

Okay, to generalize about antiquities virtue ethics… I do see a certain Lion flavor. There is a lot about good and bad feeling/emotions/instincts and the general way people tend to pursue the good ones, and interact as little as possible with the bad ones.

But you talk about them, and why you like them, in very Bird way. You feel they accurately express the world around you, which is very messy. And they leave enough moral room for “depends on the circumstance,” which also seems to be important to you. 

As for the other three, I start to get confused. I could be a lion primary, but the cause language trips me up: I don’t really have a cause to speak of, I don’t think. I definitely have no idea what I want to do with life, which is the kind of thing lion primary characters usually do. On the other hand this has left me in a kind of uncomfortable limbo while I try to reassess what I want, which might be (burnt) lionish? 

It’s true that sometimes Burnt Lions can look like Birds, but in your case - this is just Bird. “Cause” and “knowing what you want to do” are common visible symptoms of being a Lion, but not what a Lion is. Hey - you like ancient Greek philosophers. So how about this. Aristotle would tell you that the realest real things are external to you - things you can touch, measure, interact with, be observed by. That’s Bird. Plato would say that the realest real things are internal - perception, feelings, dreams, instincts. That’s Lion.

My family always say how loyal I am and I think I definitely come across as a loyalist primary to the world, and if I were to pick one I look like, it would probably be a snake. 

Well we already know you don’t like Badgers .

I definitely have “my people”, and I think I prioritise them in a snake like way – I really identify with the concentric rings of importance thing, and with the idea that privileging the people I love above others is just what you should do. I love being part of groups and communities, but I usually bond to specific people in the group: eg when my friends in a sports team I was in at uni graduated, the team became much less important to me. A point against snake primary would be that though my people are extract important to me this isn’t relevant to most of my life (they’re doing fine) and I actively dislike the idea of basing my morality and or life goals on what they think I should want. I like to feel I think for myself. 

While it’s common for Snakes to sort of *match* the moralities of their loved ones (and you see this a lot in fiction because it’s just a simple way of writing a character) they do not have to do this. It’s actually pretty common to see a Snake who looks like a Bird… until their people are in trouble. 

And you, at this point… could go either way. You might be a Bird who’s current worldview looks Snake, or you could be a Snake who constructs a satisfying Bird model to wear when your people are okay. I’m still leaning towards Bird - you’re just so specific and heated when laying out your worldview. But who are your important people? I don’t know.  

I also kind of identify with the badger need-basing thing. I feel very strongly that there are things that have to be done in any community – in particular that people who are in vulnerable moments need looking after – and if no-one else is doing that work them I should step up. So if I’m at a party and see someone getting too drunk/ looking particularly upset or something, I’ll obviously drop my night with my friends to go make sure they’re safe and that no-one takes advantage of their state. I don’t resent this: though I don’t necessarily find holding someone over a bin while they cry and throw up personally fulfilling, I want it to be done, and I know I’ll keep any stuff they let slip while their defenses are down private for them and it won’t enter the gossip mill. This seems badgery? 

It DOES… but it seems more Badger secondary, because this example is all about a way to do things, a style of interacting with the world that feels correct to you. Primaries are honestly extremely abstract.  

That said, I’m not sure I feel about this like a badger character would in fiction. It kind of feels like I’m bringing them into one of my concentric circles of awareness and importance, and at some level I tend to feel protective of (and I guess somewhat invested in) them from them on, to a greater extent than to others. 

I had a post about this feeling a while back. This idea felt so completely intrinsic to who I am as a person to that I thought it must have something to do with my Lion primary. But I got a lot responses back, and going from the evidence I compiled… this is a Badger secondary thing. 

I’m a maybe slightly excessively protective person when it comes to those individuals around me I feel need protecting. Not in a creepy way, and I try to a) stay out when I’m not needed and b) make myself not needed as fast as possible. (I don’t like people with saviour complexes, and after some bad experiences (one my own, others observation) with people who wanted a codependent kind of support so they could get away with not seeing a therapist, and communities/authority figures who actively refused to do anything but enable this I refuse to be pulled into that kind of behavior. I think — except in the very very short term – people in trouble need support from a community and if necessary from experts, not any one living emotional or physical crutch.) But I keep an eye out for them and worry about them.

What a mess of contradictions, have fun parsing it out 😛

Oh yeah, you’ve got some Badger secondary. With a lot of boundaries too. Cheers. 

~SECONDARIES~

I am very confused about secondaries. Like, so confused. This section is going to be really quite disorganized. I kind of feel like when I have a goal in mind I just do whatever I think will work to achieve it, and no method feels wrong or bad?

You might have lot of models, which is fun. I know you suspect you might be Burnt, but so far I’m really not seeing it. 

I think I’m not a badger, though I definitely learned courtier badger kind of skills at university and use them a lot when I’m dealing with people. I don’t really community build – I’m usually somewhere at the edges of the groups I belong to, and though I recognize it’s a compliment I resent the expectations that come with being “the reliable one.”

Okay, interesting. It’s possible that your Badger is a useful model that intellectually fits with your primary, but is sometimes confining. 

Cutting corners also doesn’t bother me a bit, as long as the end result works, and works at the standard I’d expect (i.e. a low standard is fine, for a short term thing/immediate need). If a corner can be cut without harming the end result, it’s obviously pointless, you know? Maybe you don’t – you’re a badger sec I think, but it feels basic to me? What works, works – and then I move on. 

To me there’s a rather big difference between a “cut corner” and “an unnecessary step,” and maybe it’s a semantic one, since I think you’re using those words interchangeably. Unnecessary steps are of course horrible and stupid. But cut corners - like here’s what I mean by a cut corner. I was legitimately surprised to learn that most people, even most religious people, had not read the Bible cover to cover. Like, why wouldn’t you? If religion is important to you? It’s just a long book. It is bizarre to me that so many people interact with the Bible through what are basically pre-assembled cheat-sheets and excerpts. But that is the kind of thing I mean, when I say that to a Badger, cutting corners on something that feels important can also feel immoral. 

That said, I really relate to the bit in the badger sec quiz description about people walking up and trusting you with their deep dark secrets. I don’t know what brings it on, though, and though it’s a compliment I generally wish they hadn’t. I usually can’t do anything to help, so I’m just stood there doing the listening and caring thing and then worrying for them after. Maybe I perform badger sec semi accidentally by using the courtier skills?

I think that is entirely possible, yes. 

The answer that sounds most obviously like me on the quiz is bird secondary, yet somehow it doesn’t feel like it fits. I do love accumulating skills and facts (I’m a fantastic quizzer)/learning everything I can find to know about a topic. I’ve been called a walking encyclopedia, the people around me like to test me on facts to see how much I know. Arguably I also use actor bird: I was literally sent to weekend drama school as a teen to learn social skills by learning to play other people, and it worked a charm. The skill and knowledge accumulation is a big source of joy for me, and I definitely don’t think of it as a means to an end (I can’t think of many situations in which this would be useful) which the SHC quiz suggests makes it not a model. 

My answer to that is that not all models are tools. Sometimes models are toys (or coping mechanisms, like your Actor Bird.)

But something about it feels wrong? To start with, I really hate plans and planning. I begrudgingly learned to do essay plans before I started writing halfway through university, and they were definitely useful for keeping things organized and getting good marks, but I have to keep them minimal to make them bearable. Generally plans of any sort leave me feeling kind of trapped and ineffective, so I really feel like I could be an improvisational secondary.

I agree.

The question would then be which, I guess. I find the description of lion confusing. What does it mean, outside fiction, to charge? As a small child (under ten) I would say I was pretty “charge-ey,” but then children often are. 

But not all children. (I wasn’t.) Also, Lion gets simplified down into “charge” mostly because of the parent system. I think that the better metaphor is a battering ram. 

I was certainly blunt and stubborn, and kind of am now, but that could be neutral snake 

I was about to say there could be some Neutral Snake. The “immovable object.”

(I like a bit of privacy, so I relate to the idea of picking and choosing which facets of me people I don’t love and trust see). 

Not really a Lion answer, that.

What feels less snakeish for me is that I used to really resent those faces as a child – I hated people trying to mould me into someone “cooler”. 

Well of course a Snake is going to hate that. A Snake thinks of their faces as creative modes of expression, someone infringing on that would just be awful.

My refusal made me lonely though, so I had to reassess. I do have a bad habit of picking fights and arguments when I feel someone’s been wronged that could I guess be called “charging”, though I could as easily think of it as a combative face worn as a tactic. 

This sounds like the Actor Bird model which we know you have. 

I’ve been described as “intense, but in a fun way” by several people who’d never met eachother. 

I would also describe you as ‘intense, but in a fun way.’

I also relate to your description somewhere of lion pri as “the best way out is through”/“screw it, let’s do this.” I am very willing to just power through a problem towards a goal, and metaphorically shove everything aside. I guess my question though would be this: what does a lion secondary look like when it can’t decide on anything to charge for, and it’s just waiting around? Would it maybe look like neutral snake? Because that could be me at the moment. 

A Lion without a direction to go in is just kinda… there. And it’s not the most pleasant feeling in the world. Maybe this is where your feeling of “burning” is coming from. But like… you don’t seem terribly bothered by it? Which makes me think more Neutral Snake again.

Also, do lions ever model snake?

Not… really. They’re honestly two very, very different ways of even conceptualizing the world, although they can occasionally look similar from the outside. Sometimes very Burnt Lion secondaries model Snake, but that’s all I’ve seen. 

Because lying doesn’t bother me, I think. Or maybe it does. I very rarely tell actual untruths, in the sense of something that could be fact checked and traced back to me, leaving me caught out. I’d rather keep quiet than do that. It seems dumb to me: it damages your reputation, and the only way to get away with it would be more fact checkable lies, leaving me even more vulnerable to getting caught out. I try to maintain and live up to a reputation for honesty and trustworthiness, because it’s useful when dealing with others and it feels good to be trusted. And most of the faces I wear boil down to various levels of masking to look more neurotypical, more than anything else. 

That said, though, I’m perfectly happy to misrepresent myself or a situation if I feel it’s important (or even just if I’m trying to convince someone of something in an argument). I just find it much easier to do by selecting which truths I tell carefully, and lining them up in misdirecting ways. That way I can’t be caught. I also feel like I problem solve creatively, in an outside the box way, and I’m happy to try coming at something from several different angles till it works.

Oh. Here we go. Now you properly sound like a Snake. What a Lion calls “lying” a Snake will absolutely say “misrepresentation” or “selecting truths.” Your solo problem solving sounds very Snake as well (and I’ll bet you’re more of a single-player snake than a multi-player one.)

(also I’m doubling down on Bird primary because of this apparent love of formal arguments.)

Finally, I think maybe describing how I liked to go about writing my twice weekly essays as an undergrad would give the best picture of the secondary methods I use, because I felt very comfortable and happy using them and know they were apparently odd 

… which I will summarize here, because that was a very long description.

give myself very limited time to work (so I don’t feel pressured to use essay planning.)

write down everythingI already know

only use easily accessible texts. (only read for answers to the specific question.)

when all that’s in my head, just write the thing in one go, turn it in.

the essays work for my audience, therefore they’re good. 

As you can see I cut a lot of corners, but as long as I had found a point to make the essays were genuinely fine, even good quality; people didn’t notice or complain about the quality of my work and I honestly found it a fulfilling tactic. I was very very good at being a technically bad student, I guess, and I kind of found the (deserved) imposter syndrome thrilling rather than bad, like I’d found a loophole.

You clever snake. Whereas I once translated parts of a mimeographed dissertation out of German so I could cite them in a paper. I don’t even speak German. And now I’m going to go back and read this over for repetition and flow, even though it is very long. I guess we’re both a little crazy.

Right, I’m done, and I’m satisfied with this. Sorry about the length, and thanks for reading!

I had had fun. And dear god, no wonder you had difficulties with your secondary. You are a Snake secondary who models Bird as a coping mechanism (neurodivergent) and also a toy, and you have one very Badger flavored and one very Lion flavored Actor Bird persona.

[ayellowcurtain]

I low-key miss the sander being jealous of jens dynamic. But i was thinking what about a robbe classmate hitting on him because sobbe hasn't posted a pic for so long that he thinks they broke up and the broerrrs making fun of the whole situation but it makes sander feel insecure and he crashes his and robbe'a social media with sobbe content 🤗😆

Not gonna lie, I would pay some real money to see just the three of them just to know how it feels because i’m sure there’s some hints both from Jens and from Sander about being jealous of each other.

—

“I think he’s coming to talk to you.” Jens whispers next to him, and Robbe quickly rushes to answer his boyfriend’s message before he can put his phone away and focus on what’s about to happen.

The boys keep teasing him about the new guy. Not at all Robbe’s type but he’s sure his type is Sander Driesen and there’s only of those so. He was trying to hear the boys talking about him so he could form an opinion if he’s interested in him or not. They were talking about how he always asks for Robbe’s help during class, about how he is “accidentally" always at the skate park when they are too, about how he’s always trying to be friends with them and they all agree that’s because of Robbe. He hasn’t noticed a thing but he’s terrible at noticing someone trying to flirt with him when it’s not Sander.

So he’s coming to talk to them, again, and Robbe wants to try to see if they’re right or just messing with me.

“Hi...” Alex says shyly, looking every one of them as a way to say hi privately without hugging or shaking hands. But he stares at Robbe once he’s done acknowledging everyone.

“Hi...everything okay?” Robbe asks, trying to be nice and not at all suspicious.

“Yeah. Yeah, everything’s cool, man.” He looks around again, probably finding weird that all of them are quiet all of a sudden, interested in what he and Robbe are talking about, “Are you going to skate later?”

“I don’t know...Sander said he wanted me to go with him buy some film for his camera so I might go with him. But the boys are going, right?”

He looks at Jens, pressing his lips together not to laugh, nodding his head and Moyo says a quiet ‘yep, we’re going, if you wanna join’. Alex nods his head and Robbe can tell he’s not interested but he doesn’t ask so it doesn’t make the guy feel embarrassed.

“Hm, didn’t know you and Sander were still together.”

“What-?!” Aaron says, way too loud and too fast, and Jens elbows him on his ribs. Aaron presses his hand against it and looks at Jens, whispering a ‘what’ privately.

“They’re still glued together. It’s a miracle that Robbe is still coming to his classes.” Moyo adds, eating his chips.

“Fuck you...” Robbe whispers, feeling himself blush, a little guilty for throwing his relationship at the guy’s face so bluntly.

“Okay...” Alex nods his head, faking a smile at the boys, “I guess I’ll see you guys later.”

“See ya.” Jens shakes his head at the guy and Aaron waves.

“See you, bro!” Moyo says excitedly.

They all go quiet until Alex is inside the school, and they all burst into laughter except Robbe. He really feels shitty that he didn’t notice this before so he could find a better way to tell a stranger he still is very much with his boyfriend.

“I fucking told you!”

“Man, he’s so gone. You could use that if you were single, oh my god...” Moyo shakes his head, standing where Alex was to offer them some of his chips.

Robbe rolls his eyes, ignoring how red his cheeks are getting while he grabs his phone.

To Sander: You know Alex?

He smiles because he still finds it cute how every time he texts Sander, he’s online a second later, already replying.

To Robbe: the guy who’s interested in you. Yeah, I "know" him.

Did he do something?

To Sander: This is stupid!

How did you and the boys notice and I didn’t???

He didn’t do anything, just wanted to hang out today and I said I was busy camera shopping with you.

I guess he thought we weren’t together anymore

Robbe texts the last two a little quicker, because he knows how his boyfriend can get attached to things if Robbe doesn’t explain them correctly, with all the words.

He really never thought Alex was interested, especially not in him. He was new to the school and Robbe just thought he was looking for some people that liked skate to so he could go with them to the park, find which one was the best, those type of things.

To Robbe: WHAT?

Since when? Why?

So he was YOUR lap dog now?

Robbe smiles to himself, aware his friends will notice and make fun of him but he doesn’t care, just keeps texting Sander.

To Sander: I like it when you get jealous, it’s cute...😘

Sander is not online anymore so Robbe puts his phone down, his attention back on the conversation.

“I can’t go today, Jens!” Moyo opens his arms, still with his mouth full of food.

“You just told the guy you were going! I’m not going to babysit a guy that’s only there to annoy me about fucking Robbe!” Jens answers, pointing to the direction Alex walked to.

Robbe starts getting a bunch of notifications, one after the other and he assumes he didn’t feel his phone buzzing with a new message so Sander is sending a million others to get his attention. But when he unlocks his phone, he only has two messages, the rest is notifications from instagram so he presses at those ones first, afraid something private leaked.

Sander posted a bunch of pictures of them, some of Robbe alone, and he tagged Robbe in every single one of them. He posted some stories too, about some of their pillow fights and cuddles afterward. Robbe snorts, shaking his head, sending a message to Sander on his instagram.

To earthlingoddity: What is this about?

To sterkerdanijzer: What? 😏

I guess we weren’t public enough so decided to change that

To earthlingoddity: 😘

So...can we really go shopping today?

To sterkerdanijzer: only if I can post about it

Do you have his username? Could tag him to make it more obvious.

To earthlingoddity: Sander!

[lilshotgun]

So here's why i've been inactive for the past couple months on tumblr:

As many of you know, I've been a fairly avid content creator for the warrior nun fandom creating a ton of content for free. I joined a Warrior Nun discord server named Future Warrior Nuns (which is a ridiculous name considering in the show Ava says there will be no more warrior nuns but that's besides the point) and the treatment I received there was amazing. At the beginning. I spoke up about racism and injustices within the community because you cannot escape it anywhere unfortunately and I believed I'd found a community that would protect me and be there for me if i was ever faced with racism or hate.

For clarity, anyone in blue is a moderator. As you go on to read this their usernames and profile images might change so I’ll clarify who is who. I’ll only be using the names I’ve been presented with and only the ones that are most relevant to the situation. 

Fiesta  (white American cis woman) aka Doesn't Kelly, Witch Rhyme

Taz (white Australian cis woman) 

Milan (a very sheltered American transmasculine poc whos uncomfortable talking about racism because they've never had to deal with it) aka Who The Fuck Is Kelly

Rory (white Australian cis woman) aka Stronger Kelly

 But after a while, things slowly started to change. It was subtle and if you hadn't been there from the beginning, you wouldn't have noticed. It started with the moderators spending less time in the server because they had made many of their own servers and spent far more time over there. Which is understandable when you’re a group of friends that all have a common purpose. But the lack of leadership was palpable. I had to sometimes direct fellow server members to proper channels or do a few other things that were supposed to be things that the moderators were supposed to take care of and their lack of care for the server was becoming more relevant. If you were in their little group of friends or kissed their ass then they wouldn't target you unnecessarily. 

    Exactly three weeks later, (and only one week after my birthday in which everyone was super sweet and nice to me) the love and friendship they claimed to have for me vanished completely. For context, people in positions of power, especially in a server, should be people you can come to if you ever have an issue with anything or anyone. They should also be people that can come to terms with admitting their behavior was incorrect when being told so. So here is what happened:

I have always been open about being a transmasculine person of color on all my platforms, and if you know me on any platform you know that. The behavior shown here between me and the moderators was absolutely appalling to me. They pushed my voice aside and only acknowledged Narcissa, a cis white woman, who was agreeing and saying the same things i had because i had asked her in private to help me out because i felt it was unfair that two server moderators were coming at me so aggressively. 

As you can see from the screenshots, they claimed that I attacked Fiesta when i was simply pointing out that her behavior was hypocritical and unfair especially because she is in a position of power and that's something people of power should be aware of. 

I was the only one brave enough to say what everyone was thinking. And that's something I have always taken pride in. Speaking up for others when they are too scared to do so themselves. And that was shown through multiple people coming into my dms to tell me they either felt the same way I did or they felt the way I was treated in the conversation above was unfair. This next screenshot is from a private message from a former manager. 

Narcissa (white cis woman)  received a few apologies from the server managers privately, yet my dms stayed vacant. At this point, they made a “public apology” towards everyone in the server which I forgot to screenshot, and not a single server manager reached out to me in private. But they did share these in the server for everyone to see:

They then opened an anonymous feedback form for us to share if we had any issues privately, which of course, I did, and so I filled it out saying “wheres my fucking apology ~king” so they would know exactly who the response was coming from. I was angry and hurt that they treated me the way they did. I regretted wording it like that almost instantly after sending it. But the deed was done and it was unchangeable. And not too long after, this was posted publicly in the server feedback channel so that everyone in the server could see:

Whether I shared that it was from me or not, she violated the server moderators unanimous statement saying that everything posted in the feedback form would stay anonymous and made my response public using the excuse that me sharing my name made it okay for her to show it to everyone. I was also being informed by other people I’m friends with that the forms that were being submitted were not staying anonymous and that they were being shared from other moderators privately in other peoples' dms.

I stuck around in the server because the people that I had formed friendships with were there and they were special to me and I wanted to be able to talk to them still in spite of everything that had happened to me up until this point. I was much more subdued at this point, I was posting less art and as you noticed I practically disappeared from twitter as well. 

My love for Warrior Nun was decreasing rapidly because the environment had become so toxic and unwelcoming that I felt scared to say much in the server in fear of being banned after seeing one of my trans poc friends banned for saying hi to another member. They had been looking for a reason to ban him for being on my side instead of theirs and apparently found the “perfect” excuse. They deleted his messages and claimed in their private admin channel that he had harassed someone in the server without screenshotting the false evidence first. How do I know this? Because I had a person on the team that valued me as a person instead of as a content creator and what I could give to the server.

I proceeded to curate the server for what fit me best, considering the ridiculous number of channels they created that had nothing to do with the show at this point. And there was an option for members to do that so I used the tools they had provided with and opted out of channels I no longer wanted to see. I consolidated it down to 35 out of 66 channels because some of them had no opt out option. And still, it was way more channels than I'd prefer to be in. I narrowed it down to only ships I actually cared about instead of having a bunch of channels I was never gonna read or say things in. And that's when the manager that cared about us provided me with these telling screenshots.

Why put me in “jail” over removing some roles? It may not have been explicit, but the internalized racism of putting a person of color in “jail” for curating what they wanted from a server is frankly off putting to say the least. "Implicit racism includes unconscious biases, expectations, or tendencies that exist within an individual, regardless of ill-will or any self-aware prejudices." 

And what does carl bot do exactly? It logs EVERYTHING. But only if that feature is enabled. And clearly, in Future Warrior Nuns, it is.

 They didn’t care about me and didn’t care that I was a consistent content creator. For lack of better words, I was one of the biggest reasons the actual part of the server that was dedicated to the show was constantly active and once I became quiet, along with a few other content creators I talked with, the activity decreased immensely. I said things here and there but that was about it. Until I was looking through their emotes. I noticed that they had trans, gay, demi, bi, aro, and ace heart emotes but the lesbian one wasnt there. Which was honestly surprising considering how much of the fandom identifies as lesbian. So I asked for it to be added and after it was, so many people were super happy because of it.

One day later i asked for more Mary emotes because they hadn’t completely brushed me off after requesting for the lesbian pride one. I noticed that Ava, the white character, had 72 animated and still emotes at the time while Mary, the black character, only had 18. And only 4 out of those were positive emotes. Here's that conversation:

I offered up my services to create Mary emotes for them considering I was an artist and content creator and it would be no issue for me at all to contribute but they declined, saying they were working on some themselves and that they would eventually add them to the server. The ones that they had created all looked terrible. They didn't know how to color correct her skin so that it wouldn't look ashy because of the filters used in the show and instead of asking for help from me, an artist of color, they simply did their own thing. And from 18 emotes, it went up to a dazzling 24. 

Needless to say, the racism they claimed not to have was pretty evident at this point. It was shockingly clear that they didn’t care as much about the characters of color than they did for the white and white passing ones. After this entire debacle I didn't even bother trying to ask for more emotes for Lilith considering how warmly I was welcomed with asking for more Mary emotes. 

A little less than two months after the initial incident, I still hadn’t been contacted by anyone on the admin team about absolutely anything in private. It wasn’t until people asked Fiesta if she had reached out to me or even bothered with an apology before she sent me this:

The “apology” was worthless. Too much time had passed since I was publicly humiliated and portrayed as the evil transmasculine person of color to them, and only a select few people interacted with me. I felt completely shut out because of how the admin team handled a difference of opinion. Instead of correcting themselves and admitting they were wrong, they doubled down on the intimidation and bullying  by changing their rules so that they could find excuses to ban or punish anyone they felt was not on their side. 

At this point, my grades were heavily declining. I was already struggling with keeping up with everything on my own due to covid and my mental disabilities. Being a victim of this racist behavior made everything worse. I couldn’t get out of bed, I was barely eating a meal a day because I had no motivation to work so I had little to no money to buy myself food. I was starving most days. And I didn’t ask my mom for help because I felt everything was my fault and that I really was in the wrong and shouldn't have said anything even though looking back at it I wasn't wrong for what I said. I had also been informed that my dad died because of covid and because of all of this stress and depression I had officially failed my classes. 

This is really difficult for me to say because I’m a very private person and I hate asking for help or sharing anything about my private life, but for you to understand everything that was happening to me at the time, this is stuff you unfortunately need to know. 

There’s many more things that I could say about this server but this thread is already long enough as it is and it was hard enough to write this all down. But behind closed doors, the admin team had some of the nastiest attitudes and behaviors you could’ve seen. Had they realized we had someone on their team that actually valued us and others as people, they probably would have kept their blatant ignorance and dislike towards server members hidden better. But white people like oppressing others when they know they can get away with it and this is just another sad unfortunate example that cost me and my fellow friends of color some heavy emotional and psychological damage.     They did wrong and refused to acknowledge it and instead tried to find a way to ban us for not having the hivemind that they so desperately want to control everyone with. If you want to see for yourself, feel free to find a link to a discord server named Future Warrior Nuns. If you look back through their channels, you’ll find most of these conversations either gone or have many messages missing. I hope my story will help understand why I’ve been gone from tumblr for so long and i hope something like this never happens to you.

[wheelsup]

ri’s 300 friends party 💕💋

thank you for 300 besties 💝 my blog is still really new (it’s not even three weeks old okay), so i wanted to do one of these to get to know y’all better! taking new asks until feb 14 💕

for everyone <3

🪐 - i’ll recommend a song for you

♟- send a character and i’ll give you a song that reminds me of them

🕷- i’ll give an unpopular opinion (specify cm or otherwise), OR, send me an unpopular opinion and i’ll lyk if i agree

🥀 - i’ll give you a shemar moore meme from my collection (very good choice, my shememe collection is everything to me)

🌑 - i’ll tell you something from my life that seems like it was from a movie but actually happened (basically fic worthy content)

📓 - i’ll give you a line or two from a wip

🐞 - i’ll share a headcannon and do a small blurb about it (send character if you want a specific one)

for the moots <3

📝 - i’ll do a funky little doodle of your icon (it won’t be good but it will be charming)

🦥 - i’ll make you a moodboard (send a few words so ik what vibe u want) 

🎱 - i’ll make u a mini playlist using letters of your username (or your real name)

💌 - a handwritten note for you

tagging some moots i wanna get to know (i wanna know ALL my moots and followers but i kept it short, i love you even if you’re not written) <3 @ellesgreenaway @spencerreidsmiles @suburban--gothic @dralexreid @morcias​ @reidtheprettyboy​ @paget​ @jcreaus​ @criminalmindzjunkie @dorotheuh @cloudy-reid @scandinavian-punk @tobias-hankel @rigatonireid @makaylajadewrites @hotchsbabygirl @saspencereid @hercleverboy @voidreid @megankane @sapphic-prentiss @homoose @reidingmelodies

ok it wasn’t that short a taglist but i did my best and i also havent spoken to some of you before but this is me saying hi bc im shy lol

[finallyaniguana]

[27] get to the point and fast (but not fast enough)

taglist is closed, if your username has changed since i added you to it, be sure to let me know please!

masterpost        ao3

[26]         [28]

After that whole show in the LG, Marinette was tense and on edge. She didn't appreciate the flippant way they spoke about him. Maybe they were right, but she felt a surge of possessive protectiveness she couldn't cut down. So, stiff she sat all through free time and the subsequent dinner, choosing to skip the spar between her and Adrien after. Her platonic soulmate simply brushed it off, attributing the snub to the bad mood she had picked up during the club meeting.

She ignored most of her friend's attempts to start a conversation, giving only short, stilted answers. Her friends, bless them, weren't getting mad at her for this, picking up on the fact that something is bothering her. Adrien elected to bring it up later,when she was ready to talk.

"Hey, Mari?"

She turned away from her door, hand pulling away from the handle.

"I was wondering if you'd still be okay with sharing a room with me? I don't think I can stand this for two more weeks," Alya grimaced.

A tiny bit of tension melted off Marinette's shoulders. Managing a smile, she nodded.

"Of course, Alya. We'll talk to Mlle. Bustier tomorrow and get all your stuff moved after school. How about that?"

Alya perked up.

"Hell yeah, girl! I can't wait to be your roommate!"

Alya turned away to enter the room she unfortunately shared with Lila, still smiling.

'Another thing I'll have to tell Robin about.'

The first thing she did when she got into her room and shut the door was to throw open one curtain. Just the one over the window where Robin would enter. She then cracked the window slightly, so he could easily open it from the outside. Once she was satisfied with her work there, she dug around in her carry on bag for the cookie stash she had brought just for Tikki. She  passed one to the Kwamii, who happily accepted it.

"You can't let it get to you," she whispered.

Tikki looked over to her chosen, who now stood in front of the bathroom mirror but stared down into the sink. She flew over to her, resting lightly on her shoulder.

"What's wrong?"

Marinette heaved a great sigh before walking back out into the bedroom.

"It's just... the things those students were saying about him, you know? They all made him out to be this... I don't know, what's the best word? Mean? Mean person, and I just... i don't know, Tikki."

Tikki nodded sagely, surely about to pull on some timeless and encouraging knowledge from like.. a million years ago.

"You'll just have to form your own opinion about him and disregard everyone else. He can't be all bad!"

'Okay, so not nearly as.. encouraging as I hoped for,' she pouted.

Another benefit to having the window slightly open (other than the obvious soulmate entry point), was the fact that Tikki would know exactly when to hide. It was the telltale sound of metal cord in track, the same sound her yo-yo makes when she's zipping between buildings. Or any of the bats' grappling hooks to be perfectly technical. The next sound being a window sliding open. Quickly, she schooled her expression and went to face her soulmate.

As soon as his boots hit the floor, she started to relax a little. Neither of them could quite put their finger on it, but they felt... comfortable.

"Robin," she smiled.

He inclined his head in response, which Marinette could only assume was his version of a warm greeting. He was certainly one of the most difficult people to read she'd ever met. Over time, she'd have to really work at learning and understanding his body language if she really wanted to know her soulmate.

Robin got to work at pulling the arm chair over to where it was only just in view of Red Robin, today's chaperone. It was all he could do to avoid his brother's interested gaze. Once settled, Marinette cross legged on the end of her bed, Robin opened his mouth to say something. Whatever it is seemed to have dissipated into the air because he immediately closed his mouth again.

"What can you tell me about yourself?" Marinette threw out there.

He pondered for a moment what was safe to say.

"I'm a vegetarian."

That seemed innocent enough. Could be anybody under that mask. Yes, very convincing.

"Oh, fun! Have you always been or is it recent...?" she trailed off a little.

"A few years now."

Due to the mask, Marinette unfortunately was unable to see Damian wrestling with whether or not he can say what he's about to say. Ultimately, he bites the bullet and just says it.

"Your parents are bakers?"

Nevermind the fact that he probably shouldn't know that yet. Marinette knew that the Bats were supposed to be detectives. She was far from stupid. It was completely expected that he would do as much research as he could on her going into it, especially given that some random stranger had now seen the inside of the Batcave and had no idea what Nightwing had said while he was away. So, him knowing things? Not worrying.

"Yes! They are."

It was the things he didn't know about that Marinette was worried about.

"What would you say makes your bakery unique among all the others in Paris?"

Alright, cool and collected. Questions clearly planned in advance. She could work with that.

"Hmm, I would probably say our mixture of both my mother and father's technique. For example, rice flour in the bread, instead of just regular flour like my dad had always been taught, gives it a much lighter texture," she answered.

He nodded thoughtfully, but his visible face revealed nothing. Meanwhile, Marinette was starting to get antsy that he hadn't said anything about Adrien. He has to know. His friend had to have told him. Unless he wasn't a friend and just a person that sits with him and he was just asking for no reason other than curiosity and oh no! Now she's about to drop this bomb on him that he wasn't prepared for and he's gonna be really mad and-

'FOCUS, WOMAN.'

"I have a platonic soulmate."

'AND FULL SEND IT IS. CONGRATULATIONS!'

Her normal inner monologue was clearly returning the more time she spent with him. If Damian could only hear it... oof. He'd wonder how the Universe came to this match when looking over all the people of the world (and off world).

The conversation plans he had (but clearly had no idea how to execute) were derailed with this sudden admittance. But, finally he showed a visible emotion. Surprise wasn't really the one she would have gone for but beggars can't be choosers. He didn't respond right away so she kept going.

"His name is Adrien, and he's one of my best friends. It's the glowy kind where when you touch your skin glows. so, it doesn’t show up all the time. It's kinda cool. And it's totally platonic! We are just friends!"

He nodded slowly. He spent a few seconds cramming down any negative feelings towards this guy he'd never even met... well he had, but not as himself so it didn't count. And he knew this was coming, he just didn't realize she'd be so blatant. It was... rather refreshing that she didn't try to hide it. She didn't really know about his track record of jealousy (Lord knows Tim certainly does), so she didn't feel afraid sharing that other connection with him. It was, simply put, nice.

"Okay," was all he said, though, deciding to sort through the more complicated feelings later.

Normally he would have argued with.. well not her. It’s not her fault. But her wide eyes and earnest expression begged him to be okay with this.

“Okay,” he said again.

She seemed positively relieved. Somehow she understood what that okay conveyed - at least in part.

Let’s change the subject, shall we?

"So, since you are a vegetarian, what are your favorite recipes?"

And the conversation went on. For a good bit. Food is a lovely common ground between people trying to get to know each other. The conversation tapered off naturally, having went into the logistics of cooking meat replacements things, which, Marinette frankly knew nothing about.

Both vigilante and civilian were sitting relaxed in their respective spots, a comfortable silence all around them. They hadn't yet been able to just take in their soulmate yet, having the secret identities, sneaking in the window, and a liar knocking on the door to deal with. The next night, Alya would be moving into this room, unable to stand Lila anymore, especially after hearing the full extent of her best friend's rivalry with the girl. Marinette had to be sure to tell Robin that they would have to figure something else out the subsequent nights she would be in Gotham.

It was Marinette that eventually broke the easy silence. She'd managed to get the platonic soulmate situation off her chest, but one, that may be far more pressing, remained.

"Lying by omission is still lying, non?"

He thought for a moment before answering.

"Most people would say that, yes."

Nodding thoughtfully, Marinette gently folded her hands in her lap, taking a second to gather her words before speaking. She was fairly confident she had his identity figured out. By her logic, and his if he considered himself "most people", not telling him what she knew was the same as deceiving him, and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

"I hate lying. I'm awful at it, too."

His usually straight expression twitched slightly, probably at the thought of the girl in front of him trying to tell a lie.

"And this is why you do not like Lila Rossi?" he supplied.

Marinette took his slight derailment in stride.

"Among other reasons, but that's not exactly where I'm going with this," she said.

The slight lift of the mask suggested he was raising his eyebrows.

"What is it, then?"

Marinette took in a breath and prayed he wouldn't be too upset.

A quiet but urgent beep interrupted her train of thought. Robin frowned and reached down to look at the offending communicator.

He let out a sound of intense frustration, before looking across to where Red Robin was currently standing, waving him over.

"I'm afraid I must cut this short, Marinette. I am required elsewhere."

He started towards the window.

"Okay, but-"

He looked back, expectant but tense. She backpedaled. She wouldn't be able to function on a mission if someone were to drop an identity compromising anvil on her head, so she wouldn't do it to him either.

"It can wait."

Nodding he said, "See you tomorrow."

And he swung away. She watched as he landed alongside Red Robin, who hardly waited for him to catch his balance before dashing off into the distance. As soon as the two were out of her range of vision, Tikki appeared by her head.

Marinette looked like a thousand pounds had just been added to her shoulders. She threw up her arms in a silent freakout, trying not to alert her room neighbors of her recent strife. Tikki simply shook her head.

"Don't worry, Marinette," she said at her holder's expression. "You'll get another chance tomorrow."

'Tomorrow. Tom- TOMORROW?!'

"Tikki!"

All the blood fell out of her face.

"Alya is moving in here tomorrow after school!" she screeched as loud as she dared. "I cannot believe I forgot to tell him that very vital detail!"

She dropped her face into her hands. Her head popped back up quite fast, Tikki was sure she hurt her neck, and began pacing.

"I have to figure out how to tell him..." she muttered. "Maybe I could leave a note in the window- no, Alya might see it..."

"Marinette."

She kept on mumbling, going over as many options as she could think of to solve this.

"Marinette!"

The kwamii finally got the girl's attention and smiled to soothe her.

"You go to school with him. You'll just have to send the message that way."

"... yes! Okay, okay, so tomorrow after class I will go find Alya - she's in his class right? - and I ask her about moving in... yeah! That'll work! Thank you, Tikki, you're a lifesaver."

She collapsed on the bed, suddenly drained after her panic.

"Okay. I have a plan. Everything will be fine."

***

Okay unlike the last few times, i kinda have most of the next chapter written already so the wait shouldnt be nearly as long

Thank you all for the continued feedback and support! I really appreciate all of you ❤

please dont be afraid to let me know if ive made a continuity error or something similar and feel free to ask me questions!

@vixen-uchiha @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @violatiger8 @mochinek0 @constancetruggle @yamadochie @seraphichana @captainmac6 @nataladriana9 @iggy-of-fans @riarkle-felinettelove @luciferge @mystery-5-5 @mellownieice @northernbluetongue @imanerddealwith @ayuchan07 @annabellabrookes @legendaryneckjudgestudent @chez-pezeater @friedchickening @da-tasuky @crazylittlemunchkin @g-arya @i-like-fairytail-and-stuff @witchbitch1998  @theatreandcomicfreak @lysslovsanime @zalladane @tbehartoo @goggles-mcgee @tumbling-down-hills-and-stuff @kanamexzeroyaoifangirl @melicmusicmagic @ladybug-182 @chaosace @mariae2900 @vivilakitty @xxmadamjinxx @akbtch @7701deathlyhalfbloodprincess @elspethshadow @danielslilangel @tinyterror333 @maynora @anjuschiffer @creator-josie @fontegagrilledcheese @jessigurl-design @allolale @caffeine-theory @zerotosiki @draco-kasai @schrodingers25 @cassiejaydee @synnesstra @oscarwilde-hellyeah @valeks-princess @winter-gardenflower @novicevoice @cadencehood @sassy-spocko @rogueptoridactyl @dast218 @kae690 @thequestionablyhuman @18-fandoms-unite-08 @beaversuenightly @graduatedmelon @dur55 @gaylord1027 @fertileleaf @tall-and-angry @kurogaya913 @littleblue5mcdork @completelypeccable @sassydepression @resignedcatservant @batmans-attic @linnyalou @shreky-boi @actual-disaster-human @kandi-pie @gingersnapnoir @disneyfoxuniverse @souleateralicestein @crazyrandomrebel @chocolatecatstheron @mooshoon @emjrabbitwolf @loysydark @ethelphantom @felicityroth @lordsmeldingtonthethird @mjisntme @the7dreadlysins @marinettepotterandplagg @kand-roo @lunar-wolf-warrior @rydellakurancarson @mindfulmagics @shamefullove @thebookish3lf @dawnwave16 @miraculousbelladonna @wargraymon0709 @thatrandomfandomsgirl @clumsy-owl-4178 @fatimaabbasrizvi @two-faced-biatch @weird-pale-blonde-person @iloontjeboontje @yuulxd @lady13bug @mmwolf1605 @naclychilli @mysticknown @crytallized @ladysblackcat @storyteller-d @trashtalkintacotruck @kris-pines04 @riptide4 @thethirdwheelfriend @alessialeone6997 @mlbchaosqueen @persephonebutkore @urbanpineapplefarmer @royalchaoticfangirl @maya-custodios-dionach @multplelifes @magicalfirebird @todaylillypads @spider-person95 @magic-miraculous @horseshoe-lilacs @lizziejay @emeraldpuffguide @judas-yeast @candymoods99 @kittycatwowmeow @slytherinqueen2432 @alexresides @trubel43 @sonif50 @zoerayne2426 @jardimazul-blog @unabashedlyswimmingtimemachine @kawaiigiantjudgefish @tired-butterfly @mortemillion @nomiegnome @silent-storms-posts @tamoni112 @procrasinatingrightnow @bookishfangirl7 @fiendsangelical @7-sage-7 @risingmoonyue @a-star-with-a-human-name @thatoneblogyoufollow @sassakitty @xgxmxtx @fffakehappy @thesunanditsangel @shadowheart31 @bobothyross @psychixx @hauntedwintersweets @solarcupid @fristi37 @jeminiikrystal @katiegardneriscoolerthanyou @maribat-mood @im-a-useless-and-shitty-blob @queenmj10 @komatsuna-yuki

[ill-go-with-that-then]

A NEW ERASERMIC AU I'LL NEVER WRITE!

Imagine Aizawa works at Buzzfeed, and gets the idea to write an article about how Twitch streaming is stupid and pointless (because he’s a video game snob.) He chooses Present Mic’s channel to watch at random, because he’s super popular, but Aizawa immediately goes from undercover reporter to absolute fan. No middle ground. Just “huh, okay i was wrong” and subscribes.

He tunes in to all the live streams, because Mic is very funny and also very good at video games, and it’s cool to watch him play. He has skills, his commentary is A+, and Aizawa develops a little crush. But it’s not a big deal!! Mic is a celeb, Aizawa knows they’ll never meet, it’s harmless.

Sometimes the chat for the stream gets assholes in it, as you’d expect. Mic can’t monitor the chat too much, but Aizawa has no problems telling jerks where to stick it. And once, after a particularly egregious incident where some moron said something crude about women in gaming and Aizawa ripped him a new asshole, Mic sends him a personal message thanking him and asking him if he wants to be a mod, which of course, he does. He doesn’t know how to reply - this is his big chance to talk to Mic!! So of course he just says “sure” - no further conversation.

Aizawa has, of course, zero personal details on his Twitch account. No info, no icon, his screen name is a random string of numbers, he’s a ghost. The Ron Swanson of video game enthusiasts.

So Aizawa is working at Buzzfeed, living his best life writing articles like “10 Video Game Themed Products You Can’t Live Without” because journalism is in shambles and he drinks to forget, and one day his editor is like “hey, we’re gonna do a feature on Twitch streamers. Everybody is gonna go sit and watch a stream in person and get the behind the scenes info. Here’s a list of people who agreed.” And PRESENT MIC IS ON THE LIST

One of his colleagues reaches for Mic’s info sheet, rolling his eyes and sighing. “I can’t believe these are considered celebrities. Have you ever heard of any of them?”

Aizawa practically slaps the paper out of his hand. “Present Mic is a consummate professional and his content is high-quality and entertaining. I wouldn’t expect you to understand it since it involves technology more current than a compact disc.”

The room goes silent. Nobody’s heard Aizawa say anything nice about... maybe anything? Ever? But his editor, Kayama, pounces immediately. “WELL if you like him so much, Aizawa, that can be your interview!!”

Aizawa panics. On the one hand, he wasn’t going to let anyone else take that assignment. But on the other hand, now he’s going to meet Mic IN PERSON. During a LIVE STREAM. Is he supposed to tell him he’s a fan? Is that tacky? Will his crush be obvious? What if Mic sucks in person?? This is a double edged sword.

He only gets more nervous on the day of the interview. He’s tempted to dress up a little, look his best. Mic is a good-looking guy after all, and he’s always well put together when he streams. And even though Aizawa knows, knows he really doesn’t have a chance, he still doesn’t want to embarrass himself.

BUT he also doesn’t want to look like he’s trying too hard. That’s not who he is, and dressing up would be admitting to himself that he DOES want something more than a simple interview, even if it’s as little as Mic’s good opinion or positive attention.

He debates too long. While he’s still thinking about it, the alarm on his phone goes off, alerting him that it’s time to leave. He’s still in his pink sweatpants and he hasn’t shaved, and he realizes, just at that moment, that he probably should have tried harder at least for the sake of professionalism. But it’s too late. He has to go.

Mic actually doesn’t live all that far away. Just a short train ride, less than 20 minutes, and Aizawa is standing in front of his nondescript apartment. It’s a little odd - Mic is a very popular streamer, theoretically with income to match, and his style seems flashy. Aizawa had expected something a little more over the top. But this place is simple. Storing that information away for later, he knocks.

“COMING!!” He hears from inside the apartment, followed by the thud of footsteps. Aizawa just has one moment to brace himself because this is it before the door opens and there he is. Present Mic himself, all smiles. “Come in, come in!! You’re from buzzfeed right? Wow, this is so exciting!!” Mic ushers him in the door, taking his jacket and hustling him into a tidy living room before Aizawa can even respond. And of course, when he finally gets himself together enough to say something, the first words out of his mouth are “You’re... tall.”

He wants to smack himself. Yes, Mic is taller than Aizawa had realized from the stream, even a little taller than Aizawa himself. But those are thinking words, not speaking words. Certainly not the first words you use to introduce yourself to your celebrity crush. But Aizawa, a champion moment-ruiner, has made his bed, and now he must cry in it.

But Mic just laughs. “Yeah,” he says, bringing a hand to the back of his neck. “I get that a lot. Sorry?” 

“Don’t apologize,” Aizawa says immediately, then wonders if he is, in fact, under some sort of curse. “Shouta Aizawa,” he introduces himself. 

“Hizashi Yamada, also known as Present Mic!” Yamada’s smile is friendly, like Aizawa hasn’t made an absolute fool of himself so far, and Aizawa has to look away from it. He glances around the room, which is tidy and clean, but cluttered with various objects that seem to have no connection to each other. There are books in a variety of languages, musical instruments, shelves of CDs, and an assortment of other things that have nothing to do with video games. 

“Quite a collection you have,” Aizawa says, because it is, and because he’s curious. 

“Yeah! I have too many hobbies but what can you do? Come on, I’m sure you’d rather see my workspace.” It’s not true, Aizawa has seen the office where Yamada streams before, and he’d much rather stay here and poke around, build up his mental picture about who Yamada is outside his Present Mic persona. But he’s not here for that. This is business.

But the streaming room is also not what Aizawa expects. Some things are familiar - the area visible to the camera is the same, set up and ready for tonight’s stream, but the rest of the room, the part that isn’t on screen, is PACKED. There’s a wobbly desk in the corner, covered in neatly stacked papers and binders labeled by month and year. The wall over the desk is a massive whiteboard filled with notes and ideas for upcoming streams. And there, in the lower right corner of the whiteboard, right where it would be even with Hizashi’s eyes as he sits at his desk, is a familiar string of numbers - his own Twitch username. And next to it is a little note - don’t forget. Good dude.

Aizawa sees his username and just - freezes. It hadn’t occurred to him that Mic thought of him at all outside of that one occasion he DM’d him, let alone that he considered Aizawa important enough not to forget. And the idea that Mic thinks he’s a “good dude” makes his face BURN in pleased embarrassment. He wants to say something but what? Is it weird? It’s weird, it’s too weird, and before he can think of how to do it, Mic is talking again.

“Okay, this is where the magic happens!! Actually, it’s more like weeks of frustration and repetition followed by 3-4 hours of intensely stressful streaming, but hey! People seem to like it!!” Aizawa wants to say something here - Mic is being a little too self-deprecating for his taste, but he stops himself. He can’t defend Mic’s honor to Mic himself - can he? The moment passes while he debates.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d want to be on camera or not?” Mic says, tentatively. 

“I’d rather not, if it’s all the same to you,” says Aizawa. “I’m more the behind the scenes type.”

“Totally, no problem!” Mic says, gesturing to his desk. “You can sit there, if that’s okay? The only other seat is by me.” 

Aizawa looks at the chair, then back to the small couch where Mic will be streaming from. “I think I’ll have to be closer to get photos for the article, if that’s all right.”

“You’ll be on camera,” Mic bites his lip. “I mean, maybe i could re-angle it, but then the screen-“

“It’s fine,” Aizawa says. “Journalism is about hardship.”

Mic snorts, and Aizawa can’t keep a little smirk off his face, proud that he got a laugh.

The stream goes smoothly - Aizawa likes it even more like this, without the chat to distract him, and close enough to notice things he’s never seen before. Mic’s feet twitch when he’s focusing hard, and his socks have cats on them. It’s adorable. Aizawa takes no notes - he doesn’t really need to, he’s seen enough streams to write this article in his sleep, and anyway, it’s not like he’s going to forget a minute of this.

Afterwards, once they’ve signed off, Mic talks him through his post show routine, everything from calculating how much he made and comparing it to previous weeks in a spreadsheet to going over the chat. “Huh,” Mic’s eyebrows crease as he looks at the chat logs. “Things got a little out of hand tonight.”

“Oh?” Aizawa says, shuffling uncomfortably. He suspects he knows why that is. 

“Yeah, one of my regular mods wasn’t on tonight. I hope he’s all right - it’s not like him to miss.”

“You have a lot of viewers,” Aizawa says, tentative now. “Do you know them all so well?”

Mic shrugs, embarrassed. “No, i wish I did! But this guy’s special, he’s really funny and he keeps all the trolls in line. I’d DM him to see if he’s okay but that’s weird, right? That’s weird. And anyway I tried to talk to him once before but he shot me down.”

“I didn’t-“ Aizawa says before he can stop himself. The curse is real. Mic stares at him, open mouthed, confused at first but then his eyes widen as he realizes what must have happened. Before he can say anything, Aizawa cuts him off. “Sorry. That i couldn’t mod tonight.” He mumbles, hand buried in his hair. He can’t meet Mic’s eyes anymore. “I’ll be back next week.”

Mic opens his mouth to speak, but Aizawa interrupts again, before he can. “And I didn’t - I didn’t shoot you down. I just didn’t think you’d want to talk to me. Why would you?”

Mic blinks, and Aizawa isn’t sure what he’s going to say. Will he be mad? Aizawa kind of lied to him. Is he disappointed? Does Aizawa not look like he expected? Has he been too silent? Too unfriendly? Does Mic not want to get to know him anymore? But when Mic finally speaks, what comes out is

“I can’t believe you made me memorize that stupid fucking username, we’re picking you a new one right now.”

[moo-moo-meadows]

Hmm what about Tumblr user keralis? He's pretty cool but you have any opinions?

do you mean keralises? cause keralis doesn’t exist (unless they have me blocked for some reason)

[lesbian-vmin]

Me, literally: “Let’s try to focus on some positive, happy energy when I come back!”

Certain people: *submits that post and sends that ask, so they’re the one of the first things I see when I come back*

All right. I’m done being nice.

The first person is now blocked because it wasn’t anonymous, and they have consistently sent these kinds of non-anonymous submissions to my blog. They claim to be Vmin shipper (even have Vmin as part of their username), but always bring this shit to me. And quite frankly, I’m tired of seeing it. They were one of the people complaining about the 2021 greetings, the car sharing, and other things. So blocked. I’m done.

I don’t know if the anon is the same person (I doubt it because it’s still in my box after the non-anon was blocked), but I’m not blocking you for now because anon blocks are a little more permanent and unforgiving and can’t be reversed.

First. I don’t care if the members post on Taehyung’s birthday or not. It doesn’t mean anything, and I’ve talked about this before in regards to Taehyung posting on their birthday. Posting on their birthday for the public to see is more for the fans than it is for the member. I don’t care for any member to post on any other member’s birthday ever. Because birthday wishes shouldn’t be for us. Period. I don’t care. It’s not that big of a deal.

Secondly, “I know it’s not nice to compare, but since your blog is about analysis I think it makes sense to do it.”

Oh? Does it now? Who are you to tell me what I need to be posting on my blog? You want me to compare? I’ll compare.

Jimin posted some selfies with him and Kook on Kook’s birthday, and gave us one selfie which included my ray of sunshine in it on Taehyung’s birthday. There, I’ve compared.

Keep in mind that Taehyung’s birthday has only just begun. And no, there might not be another tweet from Jimin and more selfies later, but it doesn’t matter. The other members might tweet later, and if they don’t, I don’t care. I’m sure they are telling him in person or calling him or messaging him to let him know how much he is appreciated.

This is my blog, and I will compare when I want to compare.

My analyses are supposed to provide insight to Vmin’s friendship. I talk a bit about how they’re potentially real, but I’m not comparing them to others. Especially in a “belittling others” way.

Seeing as how I don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes today or even on Kook’s birthday, I can’t say anything. What they decide to post on twitter doesn’t tell us shit. I want to talk about soft and wholesome vmin moments and gush about the boy’s (all the members) cute relationships as much as possible.

It’s my blog. What gets talked about on here is up to me. And it’s not up to anyone to tell me otherwise.

Anyone feel free to tell me if I’m being too harsh here or if it was wrong of me to block the non-anon submission. I’ll hear you out. But I’m done with having to justify everything that happens between vmin on this blog. I literally posted a statement saying that I wanted to be more positive here, and you guys are still sending these kinds of asks. This is the final warning before I start blocking anons.

These weren’t the only asks I got in regards to this, but they were the ones that really struck a nerve with me. Ironically, someone even posted an ask saying I was nice. Did I destroy your opinion about that with this post? 😅

Not even supplying these with any thoughts because I don’t wanna. Let’s review, again, my post on emotional intelligence, shall we? (x)

Yeah, I understand if you’re worried about something. But I’ve said several times that this blog isn’t about proving anything. Stop sending me these asks.

Thank you for coming to Ted Rage. Peace out.

[envythepalmtree]

Envy

Sexuality Headcanon: Either bi or pan, cuz I’m bi and I said so

Gender Headcanon: This is practically canon but they’re a nonbinary icon

A ship I have with said character: No one. In he canon timeline, Envy is a 175 year old homunculus with the maturity of a 13 year old, and they’re most certainly not ready for a relationship. That being said, I may or may not write an AU where they get therapy and some sort of redemption, so maybe far in the future, they’d be able to be in a healthy relationship. This wouldn’t be anyone we met in the manga/show, since I think it’d be best for them to get out of Amestris.

A BROTP I have with said character: I really like their dynamic with Lust and Gluttony. And on general, it’d be great for them to have some sort of support system and love that isn’t based off of their utility in Father’s plans.

A NOTP I have with said character: Everyone, I guess

A random headcanon: ahjsfj just one? Gonna just plug my homunculi headcanons here,,

General Opinion over said character: They are SUCH an interesting and tragic villain. As you can tell by my username and icon, they’re my favorite homunculus and I think they’re very cute. And they’re also terrible! They’re cruel, sadistic, and have done awful things. They hate humanity so much because humans have love and friendship, and Envy doesn’t.

It’s cruel that Father created a living being specifically to be jealous, to lack. It’s cruel that they were never meant to be happy. They have responsibility for inflicting horrors on the world, and it’s tragic that that’s their only purpose.

Send me a character and I’ll do these headcanons for them

[candlelight27]

Chapter 2: Reach For My Hand

Summary: Sylvain has been ignoring you since you met him. You had been in love with him since you met him. College is about to offer you a fresh start. New academic year, new life. You were ready to forget him. But fate seems to have other plans… (COLLEGE AU)

Series: Seeking Your Warmth If Only For A Day

Warnings: Objetification (?), anxiety attack, curse words

Pairings: Sylvain Jose Gautier x Female Reader

Word Count: 4562

AO3: Reach For My Hand

A/N:  Sorry it took too long. My writing process is unpredictable. Besides, it was a boring chapter at first and I think I managed to make it interesting? Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter!  If you have suggestions, requests, theories or whatever leave a comment of come talk to me on tumblr - same username.

Your first week of university had passed all at once. Time flew between jotting down notes, going back and forth, meeting all your new teachers and, overall, trying to survive. Thankfully, Lysithea had shared all her notes with you, so you weren’t that lost – since Claude was keen on gossiping with you in the middle of lessons…

…And since Sylvain proved himself to be a huge distraction. And an active one, in fact.

The ominous day Byleth paired you with him, Sylvain had approached you after class. Hands in his pockets, his chest a little puffed and a glamorous grin on his face, he had the perfect pose to be on the cover of a teenage magazine. And with his casual tone, he nonchalantly asked you for your number..  

“We better stay in touch to finish the project”, he added. Your heart skipped a beat – or two or three – and you nodded. You hoped that excitement would go unnoticed. There was the slightest shyness in his voice, but you discarded the thought. It was absurd to consider you’d awaken even the smallest amount of insecurity in him, regarding the fact that he was the embodiment of confidence.

“Sure”, you smiled and grabbed a pen. Sylvain stopped you muttering a ‘wait’ and took out his phone. He opened a tab for a new contact.

“Here, write your number.” You took it and started writing. Then, it hit you that Sylvain actually knew how you were called. He had edited the blank space, where you saw all the letters that spelt your name standing triumphantly. He even had added a heart emoji next to it. So, even if he had never acknowledged your existence, he was aware of it.  

“Write me whenever you feel like it,” he said with a wink. Your name rolling out of his lips was the most beautiful sound you had ever heard.

As he went away and followed Mercedes out of the classroom, Claude rose his eyebrows.

“Well, that went better than expected. Our plan is running smoothly,” he hit you with his elbow.

“Your plan, Claude. I never agreed to it,” you sighed, while he just chuckled and let it be.

But that wasn’t the end of the phone matter. Not at all.

The next day you met your new teacher, Catherine. She was interesting, and she made her lessons about the Evolution of Warfare quite enjoyable – which was itself a great deed, in your opinion. However, there was a downside, and it was that the blonde woman talked your ears off with her millions of tales that weren’t that interesting and definitely not exam material.

It was early and you were barely awake when you felt the light vibration of a message on your mobile phone. Who could be at that hour? You looked next to you. Marianne was as still as a corpse, Claude was probably asleep and Lysithea was fiercely taking notes, so it was not any of them trying to be discreet. Ingrid would never use her phone during a lesson, so she was ruled out too.

With caution, you unlocked the screen of your phone and placed it on your lap.

Unknown 09:45: Are you bored too?

Did Dorothea change her number again?

You 09:46: Who are you?

Unknown 09:46: Look right 😊

You did. And you came across Sylvain waving at you. You saved his number quicker than you’d like to admit.

You 09:48: Good morning, Sylvain

You 09:48: And yes, I’m bored to death

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a smile gracing Sylvain’s countenance, and you felt like a schoolgirl all over again.

Sylvain 09:49: Is Claude asleep? For real?

You 09:50: Most likely…

And that was the beginning of your academic doom.

It turned out that Sylvain was a compulsive text-writer. He wasn’t shy about sending you millions of messages at any time. And you, foolish as always, responded every last one of them. Against your will, as you typed on your phone, butterflies flied around your stomach.

The first days, he limited your interactions strictly to Catherine’s lessons and breaks. But as the week progressed, you found yourself going to sleep a little later just to share a few more words with the infamous flirter.

You two didn’t have meaningful conversations at all. You talked about high school, books, films, you shared jokes and silly occurrences… Yet it made you feel that an already existing connection tying you with Sylvain was awakening. It was absurd, to think there was a bond that had been formed before between both of you, but you couldn’t cast aside that sensation. Like a distant memory of a dream you once had. Like the primal needs our bodies feel. You felt there was something that linked you with him, and it was ancient and significant.

When Claude discovered what you and Sylvain were up, he was delighted.

“Don’t you realize that’s just what we needed for our plan?”, he opened his eyes and leaned in closer, so your classmates wouldn’t hear him.

“Again, your plan, Claude”, you shook your head. “And you seem to be making it up as it goes.”

“Well, that’s my charm, darling,” he laughed, and went on playing with his phone. You threw him your best deadpan look.

With so many distractions, the weekend arrived in the blink of an eye. It was rather cloudy when you woke up, and late, because it was Saturday and you didn’t have any obligation. You rolled in bed, throwing away your blanket and yawning.

Then, you heard a thud next to you. It was your phone. You remembered you had been talking with Sylvain when you fell asleep. You deliberated if maybe it wasn’t better to ignore him for a day. You were starting to get your hopes up, and you wanted to avoid another disappointment. But as if your hands moved on their own, you opened the conversation to see what you had missed.

Sylvain 01:13: What do you mean you HAVEN’T seen Loog and the Maiden of Wind???

You 01:15: ??

You 01:15: What’s wrong?

Sylvain 01:17: It’s Ingrid’s favourite film!

Sylvain 01:18: More like, she loved complaining about how they got all the scenes from the book wrong

Sylvain 01:18: Still she made me watch it like 1819341973 times

You 01:19: She wanted me to watch it

You 01:20: I just happen to have really good excuses 😉

Sylvain 01:25: Well you are going to watch it with me

You 01:26: Why would I?

Sylvain 01:27: It’s called solidarity

You 01:27: I don’t have that

(Unread) Sylvain 01:31: ☹

(Unread) Sylvain 01:31: Please, suffer with me

(Unread) Sylvain 01:33: C’mon I promise I’ll be good, I won’t bite you

(Unread) Sylvain 01:33: Unless you ask me 😉😉😉

(Unread) Sylvain 01:35: So I’m going to believe that you’re asleep and are not in fact ignoring me

(Unread) Sylvain 01:34: Good night, princess <3

You sighed and got up. What were you getting yourself into? And what were you trying to achieve? ‘Don’t implicate yourself too much’, has said Claude, but you were already in too deep. But your friend probably knew as much and was plotting something entirely different.

Ignoring your best judgment, you started typing.

You 09:53: Good morning!

Goddess, you felt stupid.

“Good morning”, greeted Ingrid when you left your room. “I got some pastries for breakfast.”

“Nice.”

You sat next to her and started to munch on the first sweet piece you found. The television filled the room with a comforting background noise. You were half listening the weather and the news. Your phone suddenly beeped, indicating you had a new text message. You looked at the screen with discretion and unlocked it with an unbothered appearance, trusting Ingrid wouldn’t ask questions.

Sylvain 10:01: I unilaterally decided we’re watching the film today, princess

You couldn’t hide your expression, and Ingrid looked your way.

“Who are you texting?”, she tried to use a teasing tone. “I’ve never seen you so hooked on your phone. Is it Claude?”

There was no use in lying, so you’d answer thruthfully. You could even get some intel about Sylvain without revealing your game if you played your cards well.

“Oh, no. It’s Sylvain?” You feigned disinterest.

“Is he bothering you? I could scare him off,” she offered, with her eyebrows furrowed.

“What? Don’t do it.” A small and nervous laughter escaped your mouth at the idea.

“Don’t tell me he’s done it”, Ingrid said, and she rested her head on her hands, her attention focused on you.

“What has he done?”

“Charming you!”, she replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Ingrid, I was paired with him for some project. That’s all,” you assured her.

“Well, just don’t fall for him. He can be very disgusting sometimes. He’s a good friend, but he’s not a good boyfriend.” She hummed. “As far as I know, of course.”

“Don’t worry,” you smiled, appeasing, “I’ll be fine.”

“It’s weird, though. He never texts anyone on his own accord. He always says it’s a waste of time.”

“It’s for the project. No biggie,” you affirmed, yet you knew you’d have to keep in mind that fact.

“Ah, that must be it,” Ingrid shrugged. “He may be always chasing skirts, but he’s very diligent with academic matters.”

You 10:15: I have a better idea

You 10:16: Let’s go to the library and start Byleth’s project

You weren’t ready for watching a film with him. In the best-case scenario, you’d faint like Bernadetta on your high school days.

Sylvain 10:17: The library? In this era of technology?

You 10:17: Yes.

Sylvain 10:18: Okay, fine

Sylvain 10:19: You are right, old-fashioned university professors love their bibliographies filled with books :/

Sylvain 10:19: But you owe me one film

You 10:19: … we’ll see.

You 10:19: Let’s meet at the library at 6 p.m.

“I’m going to the library with Sylvain today,” you commented to Ingrid.

“Do you mind if I invite Ashe over?”

Well, you weren’t expecting that. You noted mentally to compare notes with Dorothea, because now you didn’t have any doubt that there was something going on between her and Ashe. Never ever had she invited a guy before that wasn’t Felix, Sylvain, or Dimitri.

“Oh, yeah, go ahead, I don’t mind,” you encouraged her.

“Cool!”

 You were getting ready, mulling over what you were going to wear. You didn’t want to try too hard, this wasn’t a date, but nevertheless you wanted to look good – despite the fact that if anyone ever asked you, you’d completely refuse that thought had crossed your mind. It was absurd, but denial helped you to keep going.  

As you struggled to decide, you heard Ingrid biding you goodbye and the door being closed. You supposed she was going to meet Ashe and bring him to your place. You grinned to yourself. Immediately after, your phone started ringing. It was Dorothea. She had a distinctive melody that she sang herself for you. What on earth could have made her call you? She was the queen of voice messages.

“Yes?”, you began.

“You better tell me what the fuck is happening!”, she yelled with her usual dramatic twist.

“What is happening?” You were quite confused and tried to go over all the things she could be referring to.

“Don’t play dumb. First, Ingrid is all starry-eyed when she talks about Ashe and now you have a date with Sylvain? Is the water in your apartment poisoned?” You wondered how she found out, but Dorothea had a sixth sense for love affairs.

“Well, Ingrid is the one with an actual date,” you pointed to divert her attention. “I’m just going to the library because-”

“Because a project? Why does it sound so familiar? Ah, yes, it’s what I told my parents when I was going to make out with a classmate in high school. And don’t distract me throwing Ingrid to the wolves.”

“What do you want of me?”, you exclaimed out of frustration.

“A confession!”

“Who are you? Seteth?” You could hear Dorothea’s sweet laugh at your joke.

“How could I be so stupid? Your crush has been Sylvain all these years!”, she was creating a fuss on the other side of the phone. “I’m not going to lie, I didn’t expect that, not in the least.”

“You are assuming way too much.”

“Shut up! I guess Sylvain is a whole reason himself to keep it a secret, but you should have told me.” Dorothea made a pause. “My poor baby suffering all those years in silence! Aunty Dorothea is here to comfort you!”

“Quit the joking. Now tell me what I should wear for my not-a-date”, you said indignantly.

“Oh, right. Do you recall the Red Canyon? You definitely should put on that thing you wore. It will catch his eye, but it doesn’t seem way too elaborated.”

“Thank you, Dorothea, you are a genius. Are you reading my mind?”

“Really? I can see right through you”, she giggled. “You haven’t changed. And I would you why you are so worried about your clothes when it’s not a date, but you’d just mutter any excuse and ignore me altogether.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Now, inform me of you not-a-date with Sylvain when you’re finished right away, okay?”, she finished with her motherly intonation.

“Fine, fine! Goodbye, I have to go now!” You saw the time and it was really late.

You got dressed in a hurry and grabbed your laptop, some notebooks and a couple of pens.

 By the time you arrived at the library, Sylvain was already there. He was looking around, his bag grabbed laid causally on his back, hold by the handle with his strong fist. His other hand was resting in his pocket.

While his appearance was laid back, you were a bundle of nerves. As soon as your gaze found him, you felt a knot form in your gut. You denied that the young man could have that kind of effect on you, but the evidence was overwhelming. Why did it have to be so difficult in person? It had been so easy when you didn’t have to see his face – so handsome it was unnerving. You were the opposite you had been on your telematic conversations, far from your calm, charming and charismatic charade.

He was wearing a simple long-sleeved t-shirt and jeans. It was a mystery for you why he didn’t opt for a modelling career. You forcibly reminded yourself that despite his beauty, he was a Don Juan, totally uninterested in you. You chanted Claude’s words ‘see what happens, don’t implicate yourself too much’ as you approached him.

Suddenly, his tan eyes focused on you as he recognized your figure, so you composed yourself the best you could. His lovely lips displayed a soft smile.

“Hey, Sylvain”, you greeted with an affected amiability. Still, you were tense.

“Hello there, princess.” He winked at you. “It’s nice to see you outside the classroom.”

“Yes, it’s refreshing,” you nodded.

You entered the big building with Sylvain at your side. Neither of you said anything, justifying yourself in the mandatory silence of a library. Some girls giggled as you walked past them, pointing at you two. And you noticed Sylvain looked a bit annoyed. The next thing you noticed was your teacher Catherine distracting the black-haired librarian with her nonstop chatter.

You turned your head to comment something to him, but he grinned, and you forgot your words. You simpered back, and he seemed content with that.

At last, you were in the ‘working-group’ area. The library itself was almost empty – but Dorothea told you it would be filled to the brim during finals week. There were some students chatting and taking notes, but not too many since most of the would be probably going to bars, pubs, and discos. And it was right then when it hit you that Sylvain was not in some sort of date or in a quest to gain the favours of a pretty girl.

So far, you had detected two oddities in his behaviour. Texting and spending a Saturday evening in the library. And the common factor was you.

“Where should we start?”, asked Sylvain as he took a seat, startling you since you were absorbed in your thoughts. You mimicked him and made up your mind.

“Let me thing”, you said. At the same time, you took your laptop from your bag and turned it on. “Since we have to talk about the early history of Faerghus… maybe we can cover the foundation first?”, you suggested. Sylvain had a notebook and a pencil and started scribbling an outline of the project. “We’ll need… a biography of Loog. Or two. And a history book about the 8th century.” You peeked his handwriting. It was neat, with small letters. His S’s had an characteristic flourish.

“I have a good book on the Crescent Moon War, which is also a theme featured in our project”, he said, staring at his sheet. “Well... it’s Miklan’s”, Sylvain grimaced as he added that part, “but I can borrow it.”

“That’d be great.”

“Do you know what’d be great?”, he looked at you. “Watching Loog and the Maiden of Wind! I don’t know what you have against films. It would have been a perfect way to spend our Saturday.”

“Again?”, you laughed.

“It’s for research purposes. No fishy business here.” He placed the palm of his hand over his chest. “Scout’s honour.”

“If I accept will you focus on out project?”, you bit your lip.

“Yes! I promise.”

“Okay. How about we watch it once we’re finished?”

“It’s a deal.” He winked again, looking satisfied with himself. Then, he stood up. “I’ll look for the books we need. In the meantime, you can search on the Internet some good articles on the controversies of Loog’s biography.”

At the moment he vanished, you breathed deeply to calm your heart, since you could almost hear it thudding in your chest. This meeting had been more awkward than you had expected, at least on your part. You wondered if Sylvain was feeling it too, the rusty mechanism of two people who knew each other but had never held a whole conversation in real life.

And all the same… It didn’t feel bad, being next to Sylvain. It was great, even if you were on edge. If you didn’t know it was impossible, you’d describe that sensation as familiar. A déjà vu of some sort, as though you had gone over this stage with Sylvain a million of times and every time your pulse shot up.

You tried to concentrate on looking for articles. You found a couple of them that could be useful, singed under big names of the field that would increase the credibility of your work.

You were absentminded during the rest of your search, trying to figure out how to be natural in your next conversation with Sylvain. You were a little insecure, even when Sylvain seemed to be comfortable with you. Your head was full of what ifs.  

“I got our books!”, Sylvain announced cheerful, interrupting your worry.

He sat again next to you. And you swore he was closer than he was before. You could feel the heat emanating from him, warming your arm. And you could hear him breathing. His scent reached you. He had used just deodorant, which along with his natural smell was intoxicating. His shoulder bumped into yours in what looked like a premeditated manner.

“We could split the work. Maybe we could work together on the main structure and the final draft, and work on the information on our own…”, you said as you tried to concentrate on the pile of history volumes rather than any matter related to Sylvain. Otherwise you’d forget how to speak.

“That seems fair.”

Sylvain made himself comfortable, resting his chin on the hand opposite to you. This way he had a perfect view of what you were writing on your computer – and your face, but you refused to believe he was that interested in you. He was invading your personal space in every way and he didn’t care.

“What do you prefer?”, you asked, all professional. You weren’t going to move away.

“I don’t mind, love,” he shrugged. “What do you prefer?”

“Sylvain, we are a team. You should give your opinion.” He remained silent and you dared to turn your head away from the screen of your laptop. He was smiling, but his eyes were half-close, as if figuring out what you were thinking. “Sylvain?”

“Ah, yes.” He blinked. “We’re a team.” He stopped, savouring the word. “I’ll take the Crescent War Moon in that case.”

He then wrote a couple of lines on his notebook. You could see he was writing down a list of ideas on bullet points. You did the same on a sheet of paper you had on you. After a couple of seconds, he talked again.

“Thanks for taking into consideration my preferences,” he placed his arm around the back of your chair.

“Why wouldn’t I?”, you questioned seriously. You were at total lost with him, so you leant in closer. You couldn’t care less, you were just playing his game. He acknowledged it, because you could see him narrowing his eyes at your movement.

“Let’s say some people is not as nice.”

You didn’t answer. What could have you said? It was not what you were expecting him to reply.

Breaking the bubble that you both had formed around you, two girls appeared out of nowhere. They were the ones you had seen before when you entered the building. Instinctively, you distanced yourself from the redhead.

“Sylvain?”, one of them started. They both were wearing fake grins.

“Do I know you?”, Sylvain asked, showing a bit of discomfort.

“Of course? We had a date in summer!”, the girl continued. She hadn’t taken the hint. “So, my friend and I were wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight, go to a bar, then you could come to our apartment, you know…”

You opened your eyes in surprise at the girl’s forwardness. And judging by Sylvain’s astonishment, he wasn’t expecting either such a direct and shameless offer. Did Sylvain have to deal with that too often? It made you feel uneasy. Of course, Ingrid would say he’d deserve it, because he had cultivated his reputation himself, but every part was so wrong. The way they talked to him as if he was a piece of meat, they way they looked at him.

“I’m afraid I must decline your offer, darling,” he talked in his most conciliatory voice.

“What? Really?”, said the other friend, huffing. “You said he’d agree.”

“Well, I’m working on a project with my friend, so… I’m quite busy.”

“I can’t believe you are rejecting us, Sylvain,” she made a disgusted face. “Anyways, your choice. Enjoy your new girlfriend, but I guess it will last like one week before you can find someone better.” Then, they turned around, looking behind a few times and gossiping.

“What the hell?”, you wondered, bewildered.

“Just my routine”, he sighed.

“We can continue another day, Sylvain”, you tested the waters. You sensed something was wrong and that he wanted to go home, and you had the feeling that he wouldn’t admit it by himself. “It’s getting late anyways.”

“Oh, yeah. You’re right. Let’s go” He put the piece of paper inside one of the pages of a volume he was going to take. “We can meet other day to put everything together.”

“Of course.” You started putting away your things back in your bag. Sylvain was no longer smiling.

“Can you pass me that book?”, he pointed at the red one you had on your side.

You took it and offered it to him. He extended his hand, and when he placed his fingers around it, they brushed yours. Your heart started to beat fast.

Yet before you could make sense of the occurrence, a stabbing pain stroke you. It felt like a spear had pierced through you, right below your chest. It was so real, so shocking, tears started to form on your eyes. You felt blood coming out, but when you looked for it, there was nothing there. The pain was beginning to expand, a wildfire burning your torso.

You put your palm where you felt the pain, unable to breathe. Suddenly, Sylvain realised something was wrong. You were opening your mouth to take in oxygen, but it was in vain.

“What’s happening?”, he could be shouting your name, but you couldn’t listen because the only thing you heard was a rush on your ears.

He grabbed your arm, but it only made it worse. It made all those strange phenomena more sharp and real. You whispered a faint ‘let me go’, and Sylvain moved away immediately. His steps were so fast he hit the chair and it fell down.

All of a sudden, when his skin wasn’t in contact with yours, everything subsided.

“Are you okay?”, Sylvain asked, alarmed. You hadn’t seen him that serious in all your life.

“Yes. I…”, you didn’t finish the sentence. Instead you recovered your breath slowly.

“Stop making so much noise! And don’t break the furniture!”, a kid appeared from behind one of the bookcases. His hair was dark brown, and he wielded a broom that he used to threaten. You felt a little embarrassed, so you muttered an apology before grabbing your things and almost running to the exit. Sylvain followed you closely.

“Are you okay?”, Sylvain repeated once you were on the street. As far as you could tell, he was concerned, but more than worry, his eyes displayed suspicion and curiosity.

“Yes. It’s nothing, I just had a problem breathing… maybe it was the dust”, you brushed it off.

“It might have been an anxiety attack. Some people have a lot during their first year at university”, he noted. His smile came back, reassuring. It was incredible how his demeanour could change so quickly. “What a day, huh?”, he laughed. “We should meet again soon. I had fun despite everything.”

“Despite the awkwardness too?”, you replied, both playful and too exhausted from the experience to second-guess your interactions with him.

“What do you mean? That was the best part!”

“C’mon Sylvain!” You denied with your head.

“I don’t know, okay? It just felt nice. You make good company.” He was staring off inro space, and you hoped in the most obscure part of your heart that he was being honest.

“Oh, and you realize that now?”, you teased.

“Better late than never,” your classmate added.

“I suppose.”

Step by step you started walking in the same direction. You were in silence. Each of you had much to make sense of. You weren’t paying attention to the time, until you reached a familiar crossing.

“I’m going this way”, you said as you signalled your direction.

“I’m happy we got paired up in class,” he stated. He was just as handsome as when you met him, but he had a sadder air.

“Me too. See you later, Sylvain.”

“See you.” He stood there, watching you disappear into a corner. Then, he talked to himself. “What a day…”