#send help i think i kinda like this idea
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Alhaitham as a Broodweaver (Strand Warlock)
I realized both things I'm excited for in the coming weeks are green and geometrical so my brain spawned this-
I was gonna put him in armor from the game but I couldn't think of any that would fit him so I just Destiny-fied(?) his attire in Genshin
If people like this I might make more I dunno o)-(
#genshin impact art#destiny 2 art#alhaitham#destiny strand#destiny warlock#i have no idea what i was doing#send help i think i kinda like this idea#if ever i do another one im drawing xiao as a hunter#not sure which one yet
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thought my school was finally going to try & help me next year but it sounds like theyre just trying to get me to act normal without actually helping
#idk it all sounds very familiar#i have to 'prove i can do things i dont want to do' and theyre going to help me 'fix my behaviour bc uni wont tolerate it'#but the behaviour they mean is just me being disabled#its about how i freeze up sometimes i think#and i cannot bring myself to do whatever im supposed to#sometimes i cant even move or speak#thats the behaviour they mean#but i cant just make that go away#ive been trying all my fucking life#also??? i go to school every fucking day?? does that not count as proving i can do things i dont want to do#surely they dont think i want to be there#idk man this is exactly the kinda stuff they said in primary school before they started punishing me for being disabled#like giving me extra work bc i froze or something#or send me away to work alone in a room & not talk to any of my peers bc i didnt manage to talk to the teacher#force me to make eyecontact for a full 10 minutes while giving me a lecture about why eyecontact is so important#or not allow me to go outside for breaks#that kinda stuff#it sounds like they have the same idea?#so im very worried about going back to school in september#they were supposed to attempt to help more this year as well but outside of one thing they didnt really do anything#and now they want to 'be more firm about it' ????#i dont trust that#mine#also !! ive been getting told all my life that whatever the next stage is they wont tolerate my behaviour there#in primary they said id never get past first year in secondary#in secondary they say i wont get through uni this way#seems to me that really its fine#yeah i need help sometimes#but also i could probably go to uni & itll be fine#ill have my diagnosis & ill figure out who i need to talk to & how i can get the help i need
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would you guys be interested in venom/the magnus archives crossover fan art
#I wanna draw the guys as avatars#also I think it would be a fun challenge to try to make Venom visibly an avatar of the hunt#because they already look like that#but I have ideas for the others :3#venom#venom comics#venom movies#the magnus archives#I’m going to elaborate in the tags because I can#so Eddie is 100% an avatar of the corruption#and is also the type of guy who willingly became an avatar#he’s so deranged he would be enthralled by the wasp nest in his attic#he would be a victim of the lonely though#like especially comics!Eddie#because his bond with the symbiote is so deep that like. being singular sends him into a depressive spiral#flash is an avatar of the slaughter#but he’s not deranged like Eddie his was more of a result of his situation#like being a bully and then joining the military#very slaughter coded#and yes he’s made up for the bullying so I’m not sure how that would play in?? but he still does have some anger issues#he’s a victim of the web#like one the alcoholism is classic web#and two being manipulated. like the whole agent venom arc where he was essentially being blackmailed by jack olantern#venom is a manifestation of the corruption#an avatar of the hunt#and probably also a victim of the lonely#like I think the idea of being alone as a being who’s whole purpose is to bond and connect with a host would be devastating#recently I think they could probably also be a victim of the desolation given that everyone important to them keeps fucking dying lmao#I’m kinda second guessing myself with flash because he’s just so damn normal like he doesn’t revel in war but I also want to give him one#do any of my followers know both of these. if so please help me out I’m struggling with flash 😭
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wait do you have a fav boys character yet ?
i really like butcher but i feel like that's a basic answer and also the wrong answer. in another world id like frenchie but i can't get over how much i hate the actor. I love maeve theres never a moment she's on screen where im thinking get this woman outta here she's always entertaining to me. i like starlight but (and this is probably a bit nasty to say) there's smth a little uncanny valley about her sometimes where when she's talking im not listening but staring at her face trying to see what features throwing me off. I hate ashley but the actress played an insufferable character in jessica jones too and I really appreciate her ability to play The Most annoying woman you know.
centrist answer i like them all (except stormfront. hated her before i even knew she was a nazi. she was on insta live and i was waiting for her to explode and die) but my fave would have to be butcher bc i find im rooting for him the most and constantly justifying his actions. but sometimes karl urbans accent pisses me off. also black noir but he doesn't Do anything so it's hard to have him as a fave bc he's barely there.
#avds.got.mail#kieran tag#ik men like soldier boy so ill wait to see him do some evil disgusting horrendous thing that would make most ppl go ew he sucks but make#cis men ages 18-35 go wow hes soo cool#i like kimiko too but i dont think im allowed to say shes my fave when sometimes when shes like i dont want to be a weapon anymore :( im#mad at her and thinking get over it. i like mm but hes kinda this mother hen character and i dont rly tend to favour characters who are the#rational voice of reason like can we please get some conflict here#hughies whatever. i rly like his dad though lets go simon pegg#in the 7: homelander sucks. i find a train fun but his athlete storyline wasnt compelling to me personally bc the more i thought about it#the more i thought his superpower sucks. despite it all i find the deep kinda fun. i like that hes a scientologist.#didnt like transparent. was meh about lamplighter. didnt like whats his name sonicboom?? had a personal vendetta against that hijabi supe#we saw for like 2 seconds girl what are you doing there !!!!!! why are you playing into the diversity market !!!!#like edgar but in the way everyone likes giancarlo esposito's characters#nadia is whatever she was always meh to me even as a background character but i rly love the idea of having the superpower to explode#peoples heads with your mind i cant help but think of the xmen and think about if there was a mutant with the ability to explode heads with#their mind and that was their only ability and what a hard fucking sell that would be for xavier#(ive never read the xmen comics and have only seen some of the movies so i like to imagine charles xavier as lilo in the lilo and stitch#cartoon where every episode she would find an experiment with a unique function to destroy and would have to find it a home where it could#help instead. like yeah this experiment fattens people up and eats them lets put him in a resturant or smth#but with mutants#this mutant makes ice lets send him to a fridge company. this mutant explodes heads lets.... erm.#)
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gshaewru what happened buddy why did your old account get like banned 😭😭😭💔💔💔 the nyan cat pfp lowkey go hard thoBUT EUDAGHHHH THIS MANAGED TO WRANGLE OUT A SOUND FROM ME TJAY I DIDNT EVEN KNOW MY BODY WAS CAPABLE OF PRODUCING!!!! FUCK!!!!!
GSHAEWRU STRIKES AGAIN!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭 THIS IS LITERALLY EXACTLY HOW I IMAGINED IT LIKE THIS!!!!! IS!!!!! THAT HC!!!!! ANS THE DIALOGUE THAY I ADDED EXTRA OF JUST FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES HELLO???? I DIDNT THIBK ANYONE READ THAT,,, EHEGEHEHEHEHWH THIS IS SO ON POINT AND IT PERFECTLY JUST!!!! EUSGAH!!!!! ENCAPSULATES IT!!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE DELECTABLE ART ONCE AGAIN GSHAEWRU I DONT KNOW WHY YOU CHOSE ME TO ATTACK WITH THIS AMAZINGNWSS,,,,,,, BUT MY ARMS ARE HELD OPEN LIKE KILLER'S PAPYRUS BEFORE KILLER KILLS HIM!!!! THIS IS!!! SO BEAUTIFUL!!! you and a desaturated dark color palette could singlehandedly shoot me and i'd thank the world for allowing me to have this beautiful sight before i DIE HELP!!! HELP!!!!!! 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
i LOVE LOVE LOVE the chara sneak 2 i lowkey didn't even think of them when coming up with the hc (because i was LOCKED IN on the horror and dust aspect of it) but FUCK!!! FUCK!!! they'd totally listen in too,,, probably try and bring up any and all negative shit they can about killer and papyrus so he doesn't even get the BARE minimum of enjoyment of dust and horror chatting a sans and papyrus esque conversation,,,,, and the LASY IMAGE!!! EUAGH!!!!! SUAGH!!!!! help,,,, horrordust are such pricks man i love it. anti-killer tag team ISTG the trio member on trio member hate is REAL!!! ITS REAL!!! and chara getting mad again AAAAWYHHH theyre so silly theyre sooo silly. partner are they shit talking you again. partner shut them the fuck up they shouldn't be shit talking you. PARTNER IF THEY SHIT TALK YOU THEY SHIT TALK ME DO YOU UNDERSTAND SANS STAB THEM ALREADY!!!! when i was writing that silly little dialogue for them i was just joking around i didnt think it would actually FIT i didnt think that i'd agree with seeing them actually SAY IT outside of my imagination but omg,,,, they would TOTALLY SAY THAT FUCK YEAH ASSHOLE HORROR AND DUST!!! MY FAVORITES!!!!
man that first image is so silly. Horror and Killer fighting for Dust's affection. this idea in my head sparks an unease i didnt know existed this actually might be another mtt hc/take that i DONT like. me when 2 of them are fighting over the 1 because WHAAAAT,,,, what,,,,, to me their relationship isnt PEAK because of classic relationship drama like jealousy over affection or cheating or possessiveness their relationship is PEAK because of their interactions,,,,, dust get your "STOP FIGHTING!!" ahh OUT OF HERE BRO!!! I'M SENDING YOU TO CANONVERSION THERAPY!!!!
i sing the praises of the one known as gshaewru or now username29876011111 with a nyan cat profile picture. getting your asks ALWAYS makes my day better it always baffles me how i could get someone to send THEIR AMAZING ART INTO MY!!! MY OWN??? MY INBOX???? the jk fashion au art the ikigusare girls one and now another hc of mine,,,,, it still to this day makes me so shocked and yet so grateful!!! thank you for this ask!!! the art is beautiful!!! i have all of (or majority) your art saved to my camera roll because its THAT peak!!!
#at this point if you wanna see gshaewru art just search up gshaewru strikes again on my account 💀💀💀#I SAY IT EVERY TIME AND YET EVERY TIME THE STATEMENT NEVER LOSES ITS IMPACT#GSHAEWRU DOES STRIKE AGAIN AND EVERY TIME THEY STRIKE ANOTHER MURDER TIME TRIO FAN DIES OF JOY#the peak of this account is getting gshaewru asks. gshaewru is the best part of triglycercule#my version of megalo strike back is gshaewru strike back because BRO this killed me like a genocide run does to the underground#gshaewru strikes again#the way i kicked my feet and giggled and screamed seeing this#dude gshaewru you genuinely like made my day!!! yesterday i was having a drab time#totally not ALSO because of this hc....#ok it was totally about this hc because i really love it and it's my favorite hc and to see that uaghhh#i KNOW the idea was good because even i could tell it was so so PERFECT#but to see that like. eusghhh nobody saw it...... kinda diminished that joy#i mean i DO still really like the hc and its one of my favorites but also i wanted other people to see it too#so they can think about it and be like WAAAIT thats so right. and then i get to share the joy of creativity#but whatever!!! the hc isnt affected by who or who doesn't see it!!!#and eitherway someone DID see it clearly..... 😭😭😭💔💔💔 THANK YOU SO MUCH#thank you for drawing MY IDEA it always MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!! AND SO JOYFUL!!!#someone drew MY idea!!! the idea was that good!!! it brought them inspiration and they liked to draw it!!!!#I GAVE SOMEONE INSPIRATION TO MAKE AMAZING ART!!! THATS SUCH A MASSIVE COMPLIMENT BRO!!!!!#and the way that you DRAW ALL OF THIS!!! AND SEND ME THE ART THROUGH MY ASKBOX!!! HELP????#i dont know if it's lucky but i feel so lucky and blessed to have someone send me their art#IM STILL CONFUSED WHY YOU SEND IT ONLY TO ME TOO!!! i would absolutely give it 200 reblogs if you posted this#gshaewru the world deserves to see your amazing art and if not i will MAKE TJE.WORLD SEE!!! THIS IS PEAK!!!!#anyways thanks so much this was actually so uplifting snd your art like always is so nice to look at#tricule asks
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i just had a thought
but gosh i genuinely GENUINELY hope that Kaeya knows what his mission is and his purpose or whatever endgame stuff he has to do (whether big or small)
because y'all know what the alternative is? It's him fabricating details or him using a misunderstanding, and consequently telling Diluc just to get Diluc to attack him as a form of self punishment.
Their fight would have been for nothing other than to satiate Kaeya's need to get hurt.
add in the fact that i kinda think that all "misfortunes" Kaeya is facing is of his own choice? well...
He better know his purpose or I'm storming HYV headquarters.
#kaeya#kaeya alberich#yeah i cant write anything other than angst lmao#i do have happy ones though!#like that damn kaeya and the beach HCs that i still havent finished >:^(#im here back at it again with the kaeyangst#but no seriously mans felt guilty about being relieved crepus died and just what? decided he should get hit with a flaming Phoenix?#HE MUST HAVE AN IDEA BECAUSE IF HE IS CLUELESS THEN AYO SEND THIS MAN TO THERAPY THIS INSTANT#though the fact that he seems to be asking questions backhandedly kinda worry me babes#Kaeya's dad leaving Kaeya at mond: That's a surprise tool that can help us later#miska muska mickey ough#BUT YEAH I THINK HE KNOWS BUT JUST LACKS CONTEXT#OTHERWISE THIS IS AN ANGSTFEST#tbh this isnt the planned one from yesterday either oop
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Okay I just had a dream where some sort of fae humanoid creature was trying to shape me into.... something? By having me witness and act in horrors???
It was a group of us humans and a group of fae and one of the people with me said they found something in thier grandma's collection that was like. A powder? But it turned out to be iron based and we used it in the water on the floor to sever and protect all the other people who'd been caught up in this horrible dreamlike situation. The problem with that, though, is I still wanted to know why. Why the hell this Elias Bouchard from Magnus Archives talking all seeing bitch had been so set on just giving me enough information about the scenes that had been set up to solve them myself but at great fucking cost.
Anyway while all the other fae were burning and retreating back behind a dark souls fog wall this fucker turns back and, to my utter surprise and delight, starts answering my questions while walking around in the iron tainted water like its nothing. So not fae then. Or maybe far too powerful for a diluted powder to affect? Either way it was like. Huh. This bitch really was going and then stayed just because I asked/he chose to. Ite. Lemme just re-evaluate real quick.
But yeah, they were trying to.... make an apprentice? But that wasn't the right word. A follower? They were making something, but it needed to be with a willing participant. Told me about failed attempts, about how after all the simulations the previous people had passed they'd frozen like deer in the headlights when a real creature with ill intent came at them. I was looking at their petrified remains when he/they said all this, so the evidence was there. I believed them.
I mentioned it being ridiculous that after experiencing what I'd just gone through and surviving that the people would choke Then of all times.
That's when they decided walk up behind me and show themselves as a Creature Of Ill Intent, still vaguely humanoid but with no discernable features other than a mouth and eyes. Too many eyes, all looking at me far too intently before stepping even closer, pressing me back into the statue-like corpse of someone who came before me and failed. It's saying something about fear responses, maybe how they're predictable?
Anyway yeah that's when they/it proceed to try and scare me by showing off it's sharp teeth, scraping them over my shoulder while evil monologing and uh. Long story short it had The Opposite Effect of what they were intending and I think I may have freaked out a creature of nightmares so much it made me wake up
Edit: I think it was the fear of being late for work that attracted the creatures that fed on fear so like. Go Capitalism I guess
#this might be a symptom of listening to tma now that i think about it#am i attracted to the concept of the ceaseless watcher????? send help plz#dream i had#the magnus archives#terato#im actually laughing my ass off tbh like. No Monkey Brain we do not walk towards obvious danger Have We Learned Nothing???#story idea? would anyone read a romance novel based on this??#there would be 🌟 Shadow Tentacles 🌟#story ideas#for later#terat0philliac#because im kinda convinced that is a cosmic horror attempting to be made flesh#but got spooked because fear wasn't the reaction and therefore did not feed it#am i mentally ill? yes#maybe#probably
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#saw tinder dude again and i like him a lot and i think it's safe to say i have very real and very scary feelings for him#and i don't know what to do lol#i've never been in a relationship before i have no idea how this stuff works#we kissed last time but not this time idk he had to go to work#but idk what the next step is#i think he likes me too and it's kinda obvious that we wanna keep seeing each other#but i don't know what i have to do i'm so awkward and weird and i hate myself and i don't know what i'm doing#also my overthinking brain is killing me like i've had approximately 12 mental breakdowns since our first kiss#i've never come this far before and i'm terrified lmao#pls send help
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I need a doctor who has the patience, experience, humor, and directness to listen to whatever new treatment ideas I've concocted, and then either say "Alex, that's a stupid fucking idea, let me explain why," or "The risks are acceptable in my professional opinion. Let's go over pros and cons and then you can think about it and decide what to do."
I just think it would be fun. For me. And I wish I could find a doctor who would also find that fun. I already came up with one fun Treatment for an Illness and have been successfully using it to treat The Illness for almost a YEAR, and all the side effects are awesome so like...I am certainly full of hubris at this point.
#i dont wanna say what i take or what im treating bc its like...well...zero doctors recommended it lol. and two doctors said “that might work#but uhhhhh i dont think im the right doctor for that.“ wait. three doctors said that. but i asked the third doctor ”pwease. youre the third#doctor to tell me to go to a different doctor. i need help.“ (i was fucking desperate. i was missing so many days of work that i basically#lost an entire paycheck's worth of money in two months and like. i had also SPENT that much on the doctors who inevitably ran out of their#own ideas and then recommended i go elsewwhwre to try my idea WHICH IS FAIR but also all 3 doctors did agree it was worth a shot so like....#i kinda needed ONE of them to actually. try it. it just took 6 months for the first one to run out of ideas and then another two or three#months to get in to see my genderal physician and then see a doctor he recommended who then recommended i go elsewhere and thats the doctor#who i was like “youre the third doctor to say that...i dont know who else to try.” goodness im glad she helped. my medicine is like $15 a#month (it was $10 when i had insurance) and i am in love with every single “side effect” and!!!! yea it has given me a large sum of hubris.#anyways.) i wanna do that again but with my other Significantly Disabling Illness. like why not lol. im already on 3 medicines that are#recommended to *not* take together (none of which are the medicine i chose to take aldjskds) so like.............seems like we#are at a “just try shit out and see what happens” stage. doctors should send me resumes and ill pick the one that looks most fun and then#we will do fun science together on my nerves system :) itll be fine lol. am i serious or kidding? i have no idea.#sorenhoots
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hmmnngn. what if. miraheze jrwi wiki....... jerwiki........
#have talked a bit about this on pdcord but#i wanna know how many people are interested in helping with this#its mostly bc a) i hate fandom so much its not even funny and b) the current wiki needs. some work.#it works for now but it realllllly isnt the best it could be#so i guess. this is an interest check now?#i dont wanna request a wiki on miraheze if its not gonna get used#but also like i kinda do wanna work on this project#even if i have NO idea how to manage it i at least know how miraheze works!#i think. before i send in the request ill work on like. guidelines and stuff#like what the pages should be formatted like#and stuff#yea#sorry im autistic about categorising information#oh also if enough people are interested ill make a discord for it :thumbsup:#jrwi#just roll with it#jrwishow#miraheze
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alright we're okay. it's all going to work out and happen. ive got my short film idea. i just have to make it absolutely perfect and then we're good to go
#my short film idea is a kinda sorta prequel kinda. to my Big Main Film Idea#essentially its just a little bit of silly backstory to a character that gets no backstory in the feature film#and this character is making a short film. and im playing the character. so im making a short film abt someone making a short film.#when i was first writing my Main Film Idea i was like ok yeah this character that im thinking of playing is obviously based on and like me#but as time went on i was like ah fuck. theres parts of me in every damn character#the good news is that this short film idea should be relatively cheap to make. im thinking of having only one filming location#and i could get a deal filming there bc i used to work there (my old cafe) so renting out the space might be cheaper#im not sure yet abt cameras. im thinking abt emailing my old film teacher and being like. hey. would you wanna help me make my film#i think he has some film cameras himself or if not he knows a lot of film people#but since this is essentially a one man (its me im the man) show i dont really need other actors. but im working on that#another problem of potentially many is that if and when this gets done. now what#ive got zero clue abt where to like. send my short film to be shown or whatever but maybe my film teacher could help w that!#before i do any of this i am going to finally finish that filmmaking course i bought. and then see where we go from there#but this still needs a lot of writing bc i havent done any screenplay work for this yet#and thus obviously havent storyboarded anything#i gotta get Organized <- least organized person on this earth#wish me luck that this will lead me on the path to my dream movie. we can all hope
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...
#oof. it as been a very very long day. so much talking. all day talking and interviews#and so far my feelings are mixed. bc it is a smaller university and its underfunded and cost of living is kinda high#and the town is small and isolated. HOWEVER#the faculty feels like a strong community and theyre all amazing scientists who choose to b there bc the quality of life is so high#they seem extremely supportive and the fact its small means that i could probably get around better given my intense anxiety around driving#and i could literally just walk to hiking paths rather than having to drive way out. and its fucking so beautiful. the clouds r gorgeous#bc theyre all conpressed by the mountains around this lil valley. also the potential advisor seems amazing. the grad students have good#things to say and hes excited that im interested in the things im interested in. and i talked to an astrobiology guy and he was like u#should apply for X grant and i would b happy to help u and the advisor is a former nasa post doc so he has nasa astrobiology connections.#so those r some pretty great things. i mean. of the schools im looking at this one would prob be the best for my brain tbh#i mean the uk one is too rigid in structure and i cant fuck around so much as at a us school. and the east coast on is hard to say no to bc#its a good school with lots of funding and opportunities to b creative but i would have to hard core get my shit together and hes quite#hands off. and id b living in the city which sucks. so like. i mean this school is kinda looking like the best choice for me. definitely#the healthiest. i mean assuming i dont fuck it up and get the offer after this weekend. but yeah. i mean im not fully in love i think#and the idea of commiting to 5years here is terrifying but id get a lot of support that i dont think ive really ever had. not that my#current boss isnt great but our lab is kinda disconnected. and i really fit in perspective wise in my interests. and id get to work at#[redacted] national park. which is so cool that i might have to unredact it if i end up here bc its so fucking next level#not that the national park i have access to now isnt awesome but. like its next level awesome and i could maybe wiggle may way into maybe#some arctic systems and i bet i could get my current boss to send me desert samples. so yeah i could def see a life here#but fuck i dont want roomates with all my heart. y does it have to b so expensive for a trash apartment? bleh#god. im so tried. so much talking. but a good day. and im going skiing tomorrow bc like thats a thing here lol#unrelated
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I wanna make something for my bday on Sunday but idk what…
#personal*#jess talks#was thinking I could draw something for myself#but then if I can’t be fucked or I hate it then it’s a waste of time#I already made 2 crochet boys for myself last month#but like… I wanna make a post of some kind#BUT IDK WHAT#FECK MY LIFE#like maybe an edit?#but it’s the same issue again that if I end up hating it…it’ll be a waste of time and effort lmao#maybe I could get all my ocs draw before then and post all their block colours?👀#kinda like with my height chart…?👀#oohhh okay that’s an idea#but it means I’ve gotta draw 3 ocs in 4 days…#I’m gagging to draw nymira now but figuring out the pose is what’s stopping me#same with rob and jody#if I can figure that out then I can do it!!!#FUCCKKKKKK#send help
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I’m so glad my exams are finally over bc I can at last cut my long term friends off since I have so much free time now.
#people think that I will ALWAYS be there simply because I tolerate how much they use me for their therapy and never even ask if I’m ok when#it’s sooooo obvious I somehow seem to always get progressively worse in terms of physical and mental health#and so ! because of my MH I haven’t been able to talk to most people at all#like I’d get a panic attack at the thought and I’d just have to close the app and just calm myself down#and my heart … it would hurt so bad from how my anxiety which already makes me gag uncontrollable and jolt awake from how violently I’m#trembling somehow my heart started to hurt so bad to the point I felt I was going to die soon#so I genuinelyyyyy couldn’t even talk to anyone#I’ve always wondered that if I stopped texting first if people would even notice#these past six months proved that no they wouldn’t#even the person I’ve been friends with for 8 years btw didn’t care#we used to talk daily#when she was in hospital I always checked up on her more than anyone even tho I couldn’t visit the hospital I’d always send her messages and#try to yk help to my capacity and stuff#but she had replaced me by another girl kinda and she stopped talking to me after I stopped talking first bc of my health issues#and the saddest part is that barely anyone out of all the people I’ve tried to befriend ever spoke to me anymore#this has been one of the loneliest periods of my life-the fact that I am useless apart from temporary entertainment and a person to waste#time with ? in fact I’m barely considered for these options in general#anyways so !!! I just gave up ! beforeeven the thought of cutting someone off I’d need to genuinely be held at gun point for someone to make#me cut off a bad person but now although I’m quite stressed still I’m lowkey ok with cutting off ppl#just bc of how absolutely horribly I’ve been abused and treated by all of them#sorry for being annoying I just needed somewhere to note this down I HATE being negative but all my life is negativity no matter how much I#distract myself with the very very few things I like (I only kinda like on thing here now … and even that I’m forcing myself to like it a#little …) so yeah I always feel guilty for saying these things and making these posts nobody has any idea how bad the guilt is but what else#can I do ? I don’t know …#like I have only ever confronted people TWICE my whole life not bc I’ve not been abused I’ve actually been really badly taken advantage of#consistently and without fail at every stage of my life but I don’t say anything bc I’m worried they’ll get upset#the reasons I ever said anything at the end is bc those ppl made me so suicidal more than usual and yeah … I Can cut them off right?#whatever whatever it doesn’t matter now my existence amongst them isn’t liked it seems anyways so why would they care if I left ?
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I love that my dad and I both have habits of naming stuff in Latin
A lot of my playlists are named in Latin just because I think it's a very pretty and direct language for emotions / feelings
My dad's actual album he did a few years back is also named in Latin. We got into a long conversation about the meaning behind the language itself not long ago
It's weird now that I'm older I can actually have these kinds of conversations with him, I was never really into any of this stuff when I was younger and now I'm hounding him with music questions and wish I got more involved as a kid
#I miss him a lot I'm hoping he comes to visit soon#I can't leave Flordia because of work#and he lives in Louisiana 😭#I'm honestly hoping that at some point when I get hard into music I can take a trip down to get things recorded in his studio#music is such a big part of our lives and I'm honestly kinda upset I wasnt still living at home when I had my like musical awakening#because now I want to learn and make music and he's always offered to let me use his mass amount of vintage equipment#I plan to work with him a lot when I start writing and recording#I have a long way yet but I have so many ideas and I want to be a part of his music again#I used to do some backing vocals for him on his stuff when I was younger I wish i never stopped#I miss going to his live shows and helping set up equipment even if they were smaller#I would convince him to get his band back together but one of the guitarists died right after the album finished#man was like a brother to me miss him a lot#im around his age now and it's scary to think about#i listen to my dads album a lot and plan to learn it#he also sends me songs he works on now even though he doesnt record much anymore#my roommate / one of my best friends is also a music nerd#so were absolutely doing a music duo#he actively brought all his equipment down from his parents so we could work on things together#im so hyped
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Alastor x Reader - Sleeping On His Lap
Here is my attempt at a Alastor x reader fanfiction. Took me awhile to kinda get into his character so please don't be mad if Alastor seems a bit off. Enjoy!
Sigh, it was another eventful day at the Happy Hotel, or Hazbin Hotel as it was now called as a certain deer demon decided to change the name. You had spent all day doing certain tasks around the hotel such as helping Charlie create posters for the hotel, clean the rooms with Nifty, break up the brawl between Vaggie and Angel Dust as he had pissed her off one too many times and organize the bar for Husk as he was passed out drunk. You could have refused to do these things, but you enjoyed helping people, so it made it all worth it.
You had started working at the hotel after you had saw Charlie singing on the 666 news about the hotel and redeeming demons, only for her idea to be made a laughing stock upon everyone who watched the broadcast. You actually had mixed feelings about the whole redeeming thing, seeing as you weren't sure if someone like you could be sent to heaven, despite not being a very big criminal during your time when you were alive, but apparently doing a little shoplifting is enough to send you a one way ticket to hell. Charlie's words did inspire you a little bit, so even if you felt that you couldn't be redeemed, others probably had a better chance, so you decided to head to the hotel and ask for a job after the broadcast was cut off from the brawl with Charlie and Katie Killjoy. You were hired in a split second and immediately pulled into a bear hug by Charlie, and then introduced you to the others.
Back to the present, you began to feel extremely exhausted from moving around everywhere, so you headed over to one of the rooms with the long couches so you could take a rest. Heading into one of the rooms, you peeped around and saw that no one was there, which made it better as you really needed some peace and quiet. Heaving a deep sigh, you sat down on the couch, turning and falling back, as you laid your body down, with your head facing the front of the couch. "What a long day", thinking to yourself as your eyes slowly began to close and you were lulled into a deep sleep.
**2 Hours Later**
As you were sleeping, you felt the sensation of someone petting your head, the soothing feeling had awoken you a bit, but you quickly fell back asleep at the warm touch. You could feel that you were holding something in your dreams, and you assumed it was one of the pillows on the couch, so you brought it closer to your face and nuzzled it. "Mm, smells nice ", as the scent from the pillow was making you more relaxed, as it reminded you of a being in the middle of a deep forest. After sleeping for 30 more minutes, you slowly began to open your eyes, and try to make out what was in front of you. Expecting to see a pillow, you saw red stripes in front of you, "Huh?" As you were still trying to make out what was in front of you, a loud voice interrupted your thoughts: "Ah, awake now are we?", said a static voice above you. Eyes opening wide, you looked up from your position and saw Alastor staring down at you with his trademark smile. Slowly, you began to piece together that you were laying on his lap, and nuzzled into his chest as you were sleeping. "AHHHH", jumping up from your position, you rolled off his lap, and your body fell to the ground as you stared at Alastor in shock, as he continued to look at you with his glowing eyes, amused at your reaction. "Um, h-how long was I sleeping on your lap?", you softly asked, as your face was red, but your eyes were showing fear, as you remembered that Alastor did not like to be touch, and you happened to hug him in your sleep. "HAHA, For quite a while, darling. It was a very busy day, I assume?", Alastor said as he placed his arm on the armrest of the couch, and his hand against his cheek, smiling even wider.
Nodding your head, you slowly got up from your position, and started apologizing to Alastor, eyes aiming towards the ground and fingers twiddling together. Alastor raised an eyebrow and wondered why you were apologizing, to which you answered that you had hugged him in your sleep, and that he made it very aware that he did not enjoy physical contact from someone unless he initiated it, feeling extremely bad if you made him uncomfortable. Listening to you, Alastor's smile relaxed to a small grin as he looked at you with gentle eyes. He did admit that he was not use to being touch by others, and was quite surprised from the sleep hug, but he didn't detest it as much coming from you, which boggled his mind completely. It must be due to your kind and innocent nature that made him react different around you, as he was used to more of the common riff raff being terrified of him or trying to battle in a turf war, but how you were with him, made his black heart melt.
Feeling that Alastor was upset as he didn't respond to your apology, you quickly excused yourself and began to head over to the door to leave. A loud SNAP was heard and before you knew it, you had been teleported back on to the couch, this time being seated on Alastors lap. "A-Al, what are you doing?!", your face began to become as red as his hair, while your eyes stared at Alastor in shock. Smiling at you, Alastor moved his hand to your chin and tilted your face up: "There is no need to apologize, darling. If I had been upset about you hugging me, you possibly w̩͉͍̱̍̂̉̊o̫̼̐̎̋͜u͚͌l̳̓d̠͉̗͋̔͞'̼̳̣̼͊̏̾̾t͜͝ ͕̱͐͠ḇ̅e̙͗ ͍͓͔̱͍͛̔͌͘͞a̝̜̘̎́͒ḽ͒í̱̙̈́v̧̌e̠͠ ̢̹̜́́̈̀ͅr̲͇̳̅̽͌i̩͈̒̅ĝ̲̦̎ẖ̛̳̲͙̀͌̽͘ͅt͉̅ ͖̞͍̞́̋͛͛ň͚̫̦́͂̿͟o̱͌w̡̕" he said, as his eyes flashed for a second into radio dials. "However! I am not opposed to be touched by you. So no need to apologize, my dear.", Alastor said as he continued to smile at you widely, but his glowing eyes were looking at you softly, letting you know that he was not angry with you. Feeling shy, you turned your head away from Alastor, muttering a soft okay, as your heart was beating rapidly. "Smile my dear!" Alastor said as he moved his hand from your chin to your cheek, to have you look at him again. Baring through the embarrassing situation, you gave Al a small smile, which pleased him. "You always over do it, darling. While Charlie and I appreciate your efforts at helping the hotel, it does no good to work yourself to the point of fatigue. If you are ever feeling exhausted and need a break, don't be hesitant to come find me, as my radio tower is open to you. Understand, my dear?" said Alastor, as he leaned closer towards you, making you flustered again.
Nodding your head was enough to let Alastor knew you understood as he chuckled, while sliding you off his lap, and as he stood up from the couch. "Now then, we should probably head back to the lobby before the others get worried about our lack of presence.", He said, as he straighten his coat out, while turning towards you, extending his hand out for you to take it. "Yeah we should", as you grabbed his hand, and made your way with him back to the lobby. You were still trying to process what just happened between you and Alastor, but you feel like you both have become much closer then before, and you didn't mind it one bit.
#alastor x reader#alastor the radio demon#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin hotel 2024#hazbin hotel x reader#hazbin hotel fanfiction#hazbin hotel fanfic#fluff#x reader#hazbin alastor#alastor#alastor the radio demon x reader#radio demon#hazbin hotel headcannon#fluff x reader#lap pillow#kawaii#viviziepop#charlie magne#angel dust#Husk#Nifty#vaggie#nap time#sleepy cuddles
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