#selflove nico my religion

[yonemurishiroku]

An Older Nico who comes back to the past after wreaking havoc in his original timeline tho.

The guy's nice. He helps them. He's powerful. He's soft for his younger self and he adores Hazel all the same.

But then they see his sword brimming with godly essences; his aura sometimes turns slightly red at the edges. He has a vial of fire - from Hephaestus' forge, Leo said - that he doused Clytius with. A pair of winged shoes enabled him to cut off Cupid's wings after Young Nico's forced to come out. When he brakes off Jason and Percy's fight, he can redirect Jason's bolts and Percy thinks the pearls that the older man uses to defend against his water are familiar. Maybe he saw it in Poseidon's palace.

They're just gifts, he said. But they don't look like it, especially when Annabeth finds a shatter of her mother's shield amongst the future Nico's possession.

It's only much, much later when they realize that those are the takings of his fight against their godly parents where - or when - the older Nico comes from.

[yonemurishiroku]

Kdhajhskahs that Older Nico vs the gods thing but like

When it’s revealed that the Nico in the Future has fought the gods, and then later they find out he’s evil, Nico doesn’t hesitate to use the few weapons - the loot from the fight he lost - he managed to bring along into this timeline.

So now he has his signature sword in one hand, a pulsing bolt in the other. Electric crackles in the air, ozone smell burning.

Jason recognizes it immediately, “That’s not yours.”

“Of course not,” the older Nico smiles, and points it at Jason’s face, “No, this is your future father’s precious weapon, with which he nailed me to the sky and incinerated my body and soul. See, I dragged it to Chaos with me.”

He flicks his wrist, and a blast zaps past Jason’s cheek. Burning all the same. The future Nico only spares the injuries because Jason in his timeline had tried to understand him.

And when he turns to Young Nico, who’s chained to the ground by the shadows, alr looking at him with horrified eyes, his gaze turns sad, pitiful, pained. “Do you remember this, young me? You sure do. It’s what he used to kill our mother, after all.”

With that, he flicks his wrist. And lighting rains down from the sky. His eyes are dark and bright amidst the blinding light. His smile deepens into a cruel satisfaction.

Nico’s terrified screams go mute in the thundering booms.

[yonemurishiroku]

Ok but the utter loneliness that the only one who understands you is the older you I’M CRYING BC OF MY OWN MADE UP SCENARIOS I’M NOT OKAY 😭😭😭

Great. Now I want to write it. God helps me.

[yonemurishiroku]

Nico is kinda close with Hestia, the Goddess of Family whereas Cupid, the God of Love literally traumatized him.

I don’t—I honestly don’t know what this is supposed to mean. But sometimes I prefer to think Nico ends up single forever. As in: content with loving his sisters and himself and less pressure from whatever romance is supposed to mean.

[yonemurishiroku]

I just make Nico a Minos to his younger self oh my freaking god

[yonemurishiroku]

Fun fact I went through a breakup recently that was really jarring and left me feeling super alone and one of the coping strategies I found was to pretend that the previous versions of myself were there to comfort me. So I'd literally imagine different younger versions of myself from like 6 months, 1 year, etc ago being there and being like "hey, the fact that you were around the see the breakup means that you survived the pain we were going through, right? So that's good. And you'll survive this one." Sometimes I imagine them all sitting around my room and having a council, or I imagine them walking behind me when I feel unsure of myself. I also imagine them embracing me or bandaging my wounds when I really need it. Anyways, I support the Nico x Nico fic you're talking about writing-- self-love can hit the hardest, especially when it's the only kind of love currently within your reach.

Oh my god... I'm so sorry you have to go through such a horrible thing, and your coping mechanism is making me tear up. 😭😔 I hope you would feel better soon, pal.

And I really, really appreciate your support for the Nico selfcest AU! 😭 Fun fact for you too! I'm also an enthusiastic resident of a selfcest-based (?) fandom, and ofc, selfcest is a whole thing in there. It's my sanctuary and I have been the priest for as long as I can.

And Selflove Nico has been my religion since the first day I set foot into this fandom.

So yeah, I know what I'm doing. 😘🤩 I can't guarantee that I'd articulate it into a fully written fanfic - just bc I don't have the patience nor the willpower to come up with a multi-chaptered plot - but I'll try my best to deliver it the best way I can!

I would be glad if my crazy ideas make you feel better somehow.🥰 Wish you all the best, and please, keep loving yourself like that. You're doing great, friend.

[yonemurishiroku]

What is your favorite au

Ok this is a conundrum lmao. I pretty much enjoy everything that has Nico, and the people come up with countless fantastic ideas as well.

But since you asked, I'd say I'm most enthusiastic with the Royal AU(s) and that Time Travel AU (with or without the selfcest part) of mine.

The Royal AU(s) because imo Nico is canonically a prince (son of Hades) and a King (Ghost King) and a court member (Ambassador of Pluto). With that, the AUs appear not quite far from canon, thus have enough materials to work with, while still allowing me to spice things up with a few touches of politics and warfare. ヾ(•ω•`)o

Actually no that was a lie. I just like Royalty Nico too much LOL. 🤣🥳😔 every time I think of him as a Prince or a King I picture him with all these exquisite clothes and thorny crowns and bony thrones, commanding his people with those limited set of leading skills and abundant love, and I just fall in love all over again.

And of course, the fact that I can squeeze a nice Hades-and-Nico father-son relationship out of it lmao. 🥰🥰 It's like my religion at this point. In every Royal AU I have, Nico would always be Hades' precious child. Nico can be a King, a Prince, a Crown Prince, or an Angel,... and I'd personally make sure Hades favors him all the same. Of course, Nico's devoted to his father (and their nation) in kind. I just love this family too much.

The Time Travel AU because 1/ I can fantasize as much as I want about an Older Nico and 2/ The first one Nico should love is him, and what else is better to build it than a Time-Travel AU, wherein you can meet multiple versions of yours?

I'm a die-hard for selflove Nico. Always have been. Since the very start. And the Time-Travel AU - even without all the selfcest part (which I might have or have not put in just to piss the fandom off lmao) - is a perfect reflection of it.

I'm a vindictive being. Sometimes I see nobody good enough to take care of Nico the way he deserves. So I just think, "Why don't I make another version of him take care of himself?" and surprisingly, it makes sense - what's with Kronos being the Titan of Time... And that's all I need for an AU.

An older Nico from the Future, who has lived through and understands all nooks and crannies of Nico's traumas, returning to the Past to save himself. What's more beautiful than that?

Also yes because I have self-esteem issue LMAO. 🤣🤣🤣

This basically concludes it. Tho there're many more AUs I'm in love with - the Sky AU in which I made Nico Nyx's successor aka the embodiment of Night for example, or many others which I wrangle Luke in just for the angst.

[yonemurishiroku]

One of my guity pleasure is that I enjoy it when Nico denies others’ love for him. Romantically, i mean (Nico would hardly turn away from a family member).

Like, someone has just confessed to him and Nico would most likely be stunned, standing there, eyes wide and mind blank. 

And there would be two possibilities: 

Nico would then either proceed to ask if they are joking, making fun of his sexuality, messing around with him, just because he’s “unnatural”----When they deny it and claim their attraction as true, Nico would definitely, desperately, a little scared and thinly hopelful, demand: “Why me?”

Because he doesn’t believe he’s worthy of love. Because he came to learn of romance the hardest, harshest way one should never be forced to experience. Because he has given up that kind of love from the moment its pain turned too much to bear to that point that now, when it comes back to him, Nico fails to see its beauty and just can’t help but close off, putting up guard to avoid being hurt all over again. 

And it just breaks my heart.

Or Nico would still be in denial, but in another way: he shuts it down. He doesn’t reject it, per se. He brushes it off. He erases its roots. He straight-up manipulates the other: “No, you do NOT love me.”

This is quite rare, actually. Most fanfics fall into the first category, while i specifically take joy in this one - in which Nico’s existence is poisonously beautiful, painfully strong and ethereally wistful. He has grown so used to forloness that everything he sees in love is just emptiness. That he’s convinced he cannot be loved and whoever claims to have fallen in love with him is either a liar or a victim. Romance to him is a one way to hell of a heartbreak and Nico isn’t afraid of its absence enough to let anyone fall for it - neither him or the other.

He can be cruel. He can be cold. He would hurt someone for a fleeting moment to spare them a broken heart that can’t be fixed for a life time.

And i specifically enjoy this image of Nico di Angelo, just because he’s painfully beautiful - adorned with forloness and rising up from heartbreak and loneliness so breathtakingly, unafraid because of despair and as fierce as a wounded animal. So much that he doesn’t need a lover and their accompanying pains in his life.

[yonemurishiroku]

Nooooo please don’t—— 😭😭😭 Imma cry and i’ve been crying enough akdhwkhdjs—-

Ok. But srsly you’re so right. Oh my god. Like yeah Nico is so cruel to himself it hurts. 😭 Like that time he said he didn’t hate Percy he hates himself for still loving Percy after everything ambdkwhs—- omg what if he taunts him. I can imagine Older Nico drill into Young Nico’s wounds/turmoils just bc he knows how much it hurts. Omg why must you hurt me in this way.

BUT. However. If you look at it from a different angle - with Older Nico, who presumably has been through a lot and his younger self, who’s still struggling to, as two separated individuals, two different souls (bc Present Nico didn’t have that maturity of Older Nico yet) - it brings a whole new light.

Because first and foremost, Nico is kind. Kind to everyone - including another version of his.

So when he sees himself, he sees a lonely, innocent, poor little boy fighting, struggling, suffering. Himself or not, it’s still a boy. Young Nico, alone against the world - for nothing. No crime, no sin, just the blood he has been born with.

And his heart reaches out to that boy all the same.

Ok but the utter loneliness that the only one who understands you is the older you I’M CRYING BC OF MY OWN MADE UP SCENARIOS I’M NOT OKAY 😭😭😭

Great. Now I want to write it. God helps me.