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kiame-sama · 4 years ago

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28 Years (5th Pregnancy)- Yandere!Silva x Reader

Warnings; yandere relationship, yandere tendencies, yandere behavior, yandere, mention of past trauma, pregnancy, c-section, more arguing, vasectomy, Zeno is so done with his son's bullshit

"No. We are not doing this again. I won't allow it!" "Hey, I told you how to fix this from ever happening again." "I did use protection. It clearly didn't work." "I didn't say 'use protection' did I? I said you should get a vasectomy since it's clear that regular protection and emergency medication doesn't work!" "I shouldn't have to-"

"ENOUGH!"

You and Silva fell silent at the firm and loud command from Zeno, looking over at the frustrated elder assassin. He happened to be holding young Alluka in his arms while the infant whined and cried from all the noise, compelling you to take the young child and set to comforting the infant. Alluka quickly quieted once in your grasp and allowed you to return your attention to the matter at hand, the new heartbeat that originated from within you.

You had been trying to avoid a third pregnancy given your prior back-to-back pregnancies and your already fragile health, yet here you were with another infant growing within you. You assumed something like this would happen, given your past attempts with contraceptives and how little they actually worked. Naturally, you suggested Silva have a vasectomy as it was not only a surefire way, but also a reversible surgery.

Originally, you suggested getting your tubes tied despite the danger that came with it but Silva quickly shot down the idea with his usual explanation of not wanting to lose you. Silva knew somewhere in him that the typical contraceptives wouldn't work, given the fact that he had used several similar methods to trigger a termination of prior pregnancies you were unaware of. He had hoped in some way that your body hadn't built up a resistance to them, but he also knew it was going to happen eventually.

He did plan on undergoing a vasectomy when you had first suggested it, but he quickly forgot about it in favor of getting to finally fuck you senseless now that your body had somewhat recovered after your most recent pregnancy. He had just been so relieved you were able to be brought back from your cardiac arrest following his mistake of once again taking your child away, and couldn't help himself from indulging in his favorite pass-time; fucking you. It was clear to everyone how addicted Silva was to you, in the way he would always return to your side after a job, how he would guard you jealously from anyone other than himself.

He was so whipped for you.

But now, you had a serious choice to make for your future and the future of the life already growing within you. It wasn't hard to guess what Silva wants to have happen, and some part of you agreed after enduring all that you had. Yet... You still felt that maternal connection already forming, wanting to protect all of your children from Silva, even the new child within you that had yet to take even a first breath.

"You're not keeping it." "Yes, I am." "No. I won't tolerate this again!" "Good thing you aren't the one who has to tolerate it. Last time I checked, its my body that goes through all the strain and effort of pregnancy, not your’s." "Are you doing this just to hurt yourself? To try and exhaust your body to the point of death?" "... Again, last time I checked, I wasn't the cause of my heart stopping." "..."

Silva stood silently, passive expression on his face as he wrestled with his own mind over the matter at hand. On one side, you were right; he was the reason he almost lost you, he's been the reason every single time. Even if it was complications during birth, it was still his fault entirely for getting you pregnant in the first place. On the other, he knew the immense toll another pregnancy will have on your body and the chances of you dying during birth increased with each one. The odds were not good.

It was then Silva spoke, his voice gentle and not at all like what you were expecting him to growl out with. It was the voice you scarcely heard on those far and few between days Silva would be truly gentle in every way, usually reserved for when he decided to honestly apologize to you for something. He was proud and cold, but there were those moments when that pride was set aside, when he would actually explain how he felt instead of leaving it at short sentences that never offered answers.

"(Y/n), don't do this again. Don't stubbornly hold on to this one. I know you already love it, as you love all of our children, and you will always fight for their safety no matter what, but for once you need to let me win. Let it go." "... If I say 'no', will you take it from me anyway?" "(Y/n)..." "Are you going to take my baby away from me again, Silva?" "..."

A soft sigh left Silva's lips as he frowned, knowing you were going to win the argument regardless of what he said or did. He knew he owed you more than he could give and there was no way he would force you to give the child up. If you truly wanted to keep it, he wouldn't be able to convince you otherwise. Still didn't mean he had to like it.

"There is no sense in saying the obvious or telling you the risks you run having another baby so soon after your two prior pregnancies." "I know..."

Zeno hummed in a contemplative way, knowing Silva would refuse to go out on a job while you are pregnant and he had already refused to leave the Zoldyck estate in favor of keeping an eye on you. Given how intensely and fiercely he protected you, Zeno knew the immense toll the pregnancies have taken on Silva as well as you. But no one in the family wanted a repeat of the events that took place after Silva had taken Alluka away from you without telling you.

It was going to be a long eight months.

~~~~Four Months~~~~

"You need to sleep, (y/n)." "But what if something happens?" "Nothing is going to happen." "You don't know that..."

Silva frowned as he watched you pace in front of the couch in your shared rooms, chewing on your lip as you cradled your youngest in your arms. The child had already fallen asleep in your arms an hour ago, yet you still held on securely and refused to set your baby down for even a moment. Silva had seen the way you reacted to Illumi being taken and the subsequent over protective behavior you showed once you got him back in your arms.

Your behavior now was similar to how you behaved then, refusing to let your infant out of your sight to the point of impacting your health negatively. Silva knew you were reacting the way you were because of how he had managed to take Alluka from you in the first place. He had taken Alluka while you were sleeping even though you slept with the infant swaddled in a pile of blankets in your arms, so now you refused to sleep in fear Alluka would disappear from your arms once again.

Now he had to face the lasting consequences of his actions in the form of soothing you to the point of trusting him once more. It was going to take a while, however, as Silva had broken your already fragile trust yet again by stealing away your newborn, so it was unlikely he would be able to get you to trust him completely any time soon. Instead of the trust he once had, he had to watch you slip away into anxiety driven behavior due to his careless and selfish behavior.

It was driving him mad to watch you slip into such frenzied behavior, especially given the fact that you were enduring your third pregnancy in a row. Not only did you need sleep now more than ever, but you also had been refusing food in favor of feeding Alluka instead. It infuriated Silva to no end, as he had no choice but to let your anxious behavior play out until you calmed down once more. He wasn't going to chance doing anything that may be upsetting to you, but that also meant he wasn't going to force you to rest no matter how much he wanted to.

"At least sit down, (y/n)." "With you? No. No, not again." "I swear to you, I won't take-" "You've said that before, and it didn't stop you from taking Alluka away from me." "I'm aware I made a mistake, but I assure you-" "No."

It was going to be a long four months until you gave birth again and potentially trusted him once more.

~~~~Six Months~~~~

You hummed as you looked down at where your darling Alluka slept, curled up and held securely in the arms of Illumi. Silva had reached a breaking point when it came to your anxious and stressed behavior, deciding to allow Illumi to be by your side consistently so you would finally relax and get some much needed sleep. The presence of your eldest nearby did wonders to soothe you, trusting in your son to take care of his little sibling and keep Silva from stealing the infant away.

Though Silva disliked the fact that he had to share your attention and affection with his eldest son, the alternative was far worse in his opinion. You had gotten to the point of rarely sleeping so you could ensure Silva could not steal your baby away, draining yourself immensely in the process to the point you were not only rapidly losing weight, but you were becoming far less coordinated by the day. When enough was enough, he consulted his father on what his next step should be and the answer was obvious; let Illumi help take care of your wellbeing.

Your eldest practically jumped at the chance to spend unlimited amounts of time with you, not even perturbed by the fact that he had to take care of his youngest sibling. An extra cot was added into the bedroom, allowing Illumi to be present for around the clock assistance in child-care and to give you the added comfort of having your most trusted son nearby. You ensured to teach him how to properly hold an infant and how to soothe Alluka's fussing relatively quickly, only strengthening your motherly bond with Illumi by allowing you to put full faith in him with Alluka's well-being.

For once, Silva's plan worked like a charm. Not only did you finally start catching up on the rest you needed, you began to eat your meals with Illumi and therefore began to eat regularly once more. Along with your physical health, your mental health began to improve as well. You started smiling and talking more, resting with surprising ease in the arms of the very man you refused to so much as blink around only weeks prior.

Thanks to your teachings, Illumi was a rather brilliant nanny in your stead. Alluka would hardly make a peep when held in the comforting arms of Illumi and similarly, Illumi would make little to no noise while caring for his sibling. Even if he had more responsibilities with taking care of Alluka, Illumi wouldn't trade that time for anything in the world. He could spend time with you, talk with you, relax in your maternal love and affection.

Truly it was a win for all three of you. Alluka was always cared for. Illumi was finally able to spend more time with you. You were able to relax for the first time in who knows how long. Even Silva had relatively few losses, given how much more affectionate you were with him now you knew your infant was safe.

~~~~Eight Months~~~~

Silva paced outside of the delivery room, looking up almost every minute to check the time before resuming his endless pacing. He was much like a caged lion or bear, pacing just to pass the time and to do something other than sit still. He certainly was far more dangerous than any of those animals combined, only serving to add a rather pointed reminder to any doctor of what their fate would be should they fail.

But that was the whole purpose of this endeavor, to ensure nothing failed. Surely nothing could have gone wrong with all the precautions that were put into place.

Surely.

Either way, the long time it was taking only served to make Silva more anxious and his presence all the more intimidating. It in truth had only been a few hours since you went under so the doctors could perform a c-section to safely deliver what would be your fifth child. After the close calls with both Killua and Alluka as well as the fact this was your third back-to-back pregnancy, Silva wanted to take no chances with your life.

A c-section was how Killua and Alluka ultimately had to be delivered despite the fact you were able to have a 'typical' birth with Illumi and Milluki, so naturally it would only make sense for your fifth child to be delivered via c-section. It didn't sit well with Silva, however. Nothing would sit well with him until you were safely out of surgery and in his arms.

But what was taking so damn long?

"For fuck's sake, Silva, sit down. Pacing doesn't make it go faster and intimidating the doctors will only make it more likely for them to mess up." "Their lives are forfeit if they so much as make a single mistake." "And they know this. They've known this. All you're doing is adding another element no one wants to deal with."

Despite his father's chiding words, Silva continued to pace and glare at nothing in particular. Where it always seemed as if the man had a scowl on his face, it seemed ten times worse given he was actually scowling. The moment the door opened, Silva was pushing past the frightened doctor and into the room where his wife lay motionless.

For a moment, Silva felt an honest pang of fear in his chest when he saw you were not awake, the ever present beep of the EKG soothed him to know you were still alive and merely unconscious. The doctors all scattered like frightened rats, scurrying away from the intimidating mountain of a man who silently pulled up a chair, sitting by your side and refusing to take his eyes off of you.

Zeno, Maha, Milluki, and Illumi entered the room in a much calmer manner as they also came to stand around you. Alluka had been moved into Zeno's care given the impending delivery of the new addition to the family, and Illumi stood ready to receive the newborn and care for it while you recovered. Everyone had been preparing for the newborn in their own way, from the butlers ensuring the utmost safety to Zeno taking over Alluka's care, it seemed everything was finally prepared for and taken into account.

Meanwhile, in the past month, Silva had finally undergone a vasectomy so there would be no further chance of yet another pregnancy threatening your future with him. It was possible that it could be reversed and so it was the only surefire way no unexpected pregnancy would happen again. Where Silva felt he would have no reason to reverse the change since he already had five children, the option was always still available should something ever come up.

Perhaps finally there could be peace in the house. At least, peaceful enough no sudden pregnancy could threaten your life. Now all that needed to happen was getting the new infant out before Silva could finally have you all to himself once again.

He could wait. He could wait as long as he needed to. Because in the end, you would always be his.

#x reader #yandere #yandere x reader #female reader #reader insert #yandere silva #daddy silva #yandere silva zoldyck x reader #yandere silva zoldyck #yandere silva x reader #28 years story

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rebel666 · 5 years ago

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Confessions of a Joann Employee

UPDATE: If you want to send more confessions and/or report what’s happening at your Joann anonymously, there’s EmployeeJoann on Twitter that is responding to messages. They are constantly sharing and updating more as it becomes available to them!

A confession from a Joann employee that is in one of the Covid-19 effected areas and has so much to say about it:

-We are staying open until told by the state otherwise. Even though they declared a State of Emergency and all non-essential businesses must be shut down by 5pm on Saturday 3/21, our company is refusing to. Because Joann themselves is trying to deem Joann as an "essential" store. They even put it all over their website that we are here for the people making masks and small businesses who need fabric to continue. They quote that we are here for the customers and that we as United States Americans have a responsibility to fill this need. They aren’t looking at curbside only as an option, they aren’t looking at offering more benefits for shopping online, they want us open and people in stores. They are sending us emails with pieces of paper (unofficial, not state made) to print out and put in our cars to say we are on the way to work at an "essential retailer." Anything to make it so we can remain open.

-This sucks for employees and here’s why: The way Joann is set up is if we get sick, if we have to leave to take care of someone who is sick, if we want to self-quarantine (because of our health or the health of our loved ones), we either quit or ask to be put on Leave of Absence and cannot return without medical clearance. If we come into contact with someone who has Covid-19 (even if they came into the store), they request we stay home while the rest of us have to work even if we were standing right next to them. As long as we don’t display symptoms, we are expected to show up or we can request LoA. LoA does not pay us. The only way we as employees will be taken care of is if the store closes AND if we have two weeks of schedules set up. I was hoping the company was on the path to this when they had us cancel all the classes until May and then limited hours but all that went out the window today. Right now Joann is doing everything to prevent us from closing and in turn take care of their employees. Every single time I bring up our well-being, I get reminded that we need to think about the customer first.

-Our store is step up to have daily conference calls to talk about the current status and to express any concerns we have. I brought up the status about my county (our major has declared everyone be shut down as of 5pm tomorrow or the police will be involved) and that I am deeply concerned for us and they told me that we have a responsibility as a leader to keep everyone calm and to keep working through this. ***When I asked what if everyone in my store requests a Leave of Absence because we are all very much concerned about our health, they said, "We will replace you with team members from other stores. There are service industry people and travel workers looking for jobs and we will fill your positions with people who will work it."*** They straight up told me that we are replaceable/expendable because they value their "customers/money." It doesn’t matter how long we’ve been with the company. It all means nothing to them.

-They are sending out emails about what Joann is doing as a whole for Covid-19. Saying we are cleaning every hour and whatnot. What they fail to mention is we are a fabric store with no means of washing fabric. I see people on a daily basis cough into, wipe their snot on, kids place in their mouth, and all sorts of other nasty things into these bolts of fabric (seriously, wash the fabric you buy from Joann before doing anything). We have the basic cleaning supplies to wash floors and wipe counters with but that’s pretty much it. They are telling us as employees to bring in our own supplies if we can. An employee brought in gloves long ago just so we can use them to clean the bathrooms. Today I provided face masks for my fellow coworkers. Our store may look clean but we know its dirty little secrets.

-We are supposed to follow the whole 10 people rule but they do nothing to stop or limit people at the door and won’t do anything to enforce it. All while wanting us to cut hours to which is barely 2 people running the whole store for smaller Joann locations. It’s not safe for us to be on a bare-bones crew especially if they want us to remain an essential store.

-Joann before this was a great place to work. At least for my store. I love my store, I love the people I work with. Other stores I have heard horror stories from but mine was one of the good ones. I see them being bombarded on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to close. Not just by employees and families of employees but by concerned customers. And this pleases me because they need to take this seriously. What they do in the next 3 days will speak volumes on how much they listen to and care about us. This is a serious issue and we as employees are suffering.

As they report more, I will continue to add to this.

UPDATE 3/21: They emailed and made copies of this for employees to carry with them in their cars:

Now the CEO of Joann is also a piece of work. All you have to do is google his name and you’ll see the Walgreen’s lawsuit, his DUIs (yes, plural), and his impact on Joann since joining - which includes increasing prices because of the tariffs. One employee confirms that when tariff thing went into effect, the entire store was repriced. Some markups were a few cents but some were a few dollars. Since then the prices continue to fluctuate.

There is also a petition going on Change.org asking for Joann to Close Their Stores And Pay Employees

If you get a chance, read some of the comments people are putting in support of this:

I no longer feel safe in my workplace. The greed is sickening.

My employees deserve to be treated like people and make a livable wage and have benefits! Our health over their profit!

Staff at my local store have been asked to bring in their own gloves for cleaning. Hand sanitizer expired in 2012. Employees are reporting little to know cleaning supplies in a store that targets the elderly as a primary demographic. The material used in the masks is not medical grade. This company is shamelessly profiteering from the pandemic.

As a former employee and manager I know the company does not follow any real cleaning guidelines. They understaff their stores, overwork their employees and frown upon time off. Fabrics and crafts are not essential items at this time and since the majority of the clientele there are elderly i think they are creating more risk. Finally do something good for your employees and send gem home with pay

As a previous manager, I'm sad to say that this company does not value its workers. To see that they are putting their workers, and others who visit, at a continued risk is unbelievable and is extremely selfish. Now is the time to act and stop the spread of COVID-19 and to keep Joann's open does not help stop the spread in anyway shape or form.

Over the last two days, my local store decided to carry on with inventory. They brought in an inventory team from the area of our state with the vast majority of cases. It's one thing to not close and continue to expose the public to the risk, but decisions like these show that Jo-Anns has a blatant disregard for the wellbeing of its employees and customers. Even more telling is the fact that we know that you are seeing our pleas to do the right thing, but continue to ignore us on social media. There is only one reason that you are pushing to categorize Jo-Anns as an essential business, and that is greed. In fact, I had to spend my own money on gas to drive all over the city looking for more cleaning supplies after my manager ordered me to. Your employees do so much for you, and we are compensated very little. I have been at Jo-Anns long enough to know that you would never compensate us for our time off, but at least join the other non-essential business and shut down for the time being.

joann’s customer base is primarily elderly or otherwise at risk people, and many employees are also older or immunocompromised. employees are overwhelmed as we can’t keep up with the cleaning guidelines while also taking care of customers, not to mention we’re severely lacking in cleaning supplies in the first place. joann is encouraging people to come in for supplies to make face masks, yet these masks aren’t sterile since people touch and breathe on the fabric all day, and it’s then laid on the counter to be measured and cut. employees themselves aren’t even allowed to wear masks or gloves. joann cares more about profit than the safety of both their team members and customers.

There are so many comments I want to share. These are just a few. This is Joann. They care more about their image and their financial gains than the backbone of their stores. The people who put up with their ridiculous requests day in and day out are now at risk and putting others at risk. Places like Hot Topic closed down and took care of their employees, places like Joanns should too!

But also lets not forget, Hobby Lobby is also not taking Covid-19 seriously.

UPDATE 3/22: “We have signs saying we're cleaning more but found out Friday that we're out of supplies in the distribution center. They claim they will send them out once they receive any but I found out today from a truck driver the company that supplies everything for Joann (from inventory to store use items) is closed for 2 weeks... because of this they're telling us to use the bathroom cleaner as a substitute.”

From Joann Employee Confessions on Twitter:

Confession 17 - Our Joann was closed! We received a C&D from the Chief of Police! We were so ecstatic as employees when they came in and told us to cease all business operations! Not even curbside! BUT then we had to tell our District Manager... and everything changed.

Our DM told us to come back to work tomorrow because he was going to have Joann's lawyers work on it. My heart sank. Them being open was more important. So I went into work and it was so nice not being open to the public. We finally caught up on recovery and cleaning! All things we have neglected the past week because it's been too busy for us to keep up! All of us were in great spirits and it was the best day ever. Until our DM called... and he told us to section off all the "non-essential" parts of the store.

Fabric and sewing notions were deemed essential and we would be open to the public the next day. No curbside only. Nope. People were to come right back in and nothing about limitations. Nothing about cleaning our disgusting fabric. Just to section off half the store so the public could come in and buy all the fabric and sewing supplies they could want. And to add to that... they are doing a remnant promotion where all the spare pieces are free to the customer now! Another thing for our already spare crew to do when we don't have time!

I am honestly so shattered over how the Chief of Police who seemed so interested in our well-being backed out of this. We are exposed once again. 3 of us tonight took Leave of Absence papers tonight because we don't feel safe. This was the final nail in the coffin.

UPDATE - My coworker messaged me, “Got up at 10:00 to get ready for work. A text came in saying the store is closed and I don't have to come to work. Seems there was a conference call. It appears the state is involved and overrode the mayor!” But Joann is still fighting it. This is a day by day thing. They are telling us if we want hours we have to go to another store. If not, we have to put in our leave of absence.

More articles coming through right now:

These Retailers Refused To Close During The Pandemic, So An Illinois City Shut Them Down

Joann Fabrics' mask-making promotion raises questions

Gregory said the masks were being donated to Rush Oak Park Hospital in Oak Park and to Northwestern Medicine Delnor Hospital in Geneva – but spokespeople for both those hospitals said it was not true.“Due to infection control measures, Northwestern Medicine cannot accept donations of handmade masks, gowns and other medical supplies,” according to an email from Kimberly Waterman, spokeswoman for Northwestern Medicine Delnor. “Only factory-made, hospital-quality supplies, including N95 masks, face shields, gloves, gowns, sanitizers and swabs can be donated.”

“There is no barrier,” White said. “Once [handmade cloth masks] get wet, I don’t think they’re that effective.” (I can confirm. A RN confirmed with me that cloth masks collect moisture which acts as a magnet for infections.)

#covid2019 #covidー19 #covid19 #joann #joannfabrics #employeescomefirst #confessions #confessionsofanemployee #capitalism should die #what is wrong with America #fabric store problems #burn down the corporations #rise up for what you believe in #stand strong #i will not shut up #hobbylobby #make the change #whistleblower

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rainbowloliofjustice · 4 years ago

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So I didn’t want to touch one of the posts that came across my dash and I had a much longer post than this before it got erased but..

Why is it that people are demanding that someone care about them, and their wellbeing but not being demanded to offer the same thing in return? How can you honestly demand people give a one way street of care about you, but you can’t be bothered to do the same thing in return or if you’re that kind of person, just tell them something that amounts to going to die and saying their issues are their problem.

Last I checked, the same thing “Your issues are your problem”, “You are responsible for your own health”, etc. can be applied to those of us who are at higher risk of death from complications of covid. I have asthma, no one else is responsible for that. Yeah, I get annoyed and mad when people who are fully capable of wearing a mask refuse to do so because they think covid is a hoax, that its no big deal, etc.

But wanna know something? I don’t decide to tear people a new asshole or tell them to “suck it up” if they cannot wear a mask for medical and physical reasons and haven’t been able to afford or get a face shield. I have asthma, so I already have a hard time breathing. But I wear my mask when I can, why? Because my health is my responsibility. Yet even still, I cannot wear my mask 100% of the time unless I want to be found passed out in the middle of the street or store so I have to take it off in order to breath (and ya know, not pass out) when I’m able to.

I don’t sit around telling them they should stay inside, just die anyways, etc. or do everything online because online services such as curbside delivery, doorstep delivery, etc. may not be offered in their area or if it is, it may cost them 30+ dollars more than it would have just going to the store to buy them. Yeah, for you 30 bucks may not be a lot but for someone else it is.

Like, me ordering one meal from doordash (something for one person) cost me like, 25 bucks. The delivery fee, service fee, and tax on top of what was a 10 dollar meal. Not everyone can afford that, hell I cannot afford that. I paid more in fees and taxes than I did for the actual meal. For 25 bucks I could have just gone up there and ordered the meal and a second one.

And another thing... last I checked, bills haven’t stopped. The government hasn’t sent out a second stimulus check and most likely never will. Why is it that someone has to care about my health, my wellbeing, etc. and that “their health is their responsibility” yet “my health is their responsibility”, etc. when it comes to them wanting to go back to work so they can keep a roof over their head?

Wanna make this pandemic worse? Keep a bunch of people out of work, in debt, have them become homeless, go hungry, etc. and you’ll have an even bigger and worse pandemic on your hands than if you had just let them go to work without demonizing them for being “plague rats”. If it bothers you that much that others are going back to work, stay ya ass at home like you’re telling everyone else to do. Why is it that giving a shit about you and your health has to come at the expensive of someone else’s health and wellbeing?

Are you gunna offer to pay their bills? To pay for food? To pay the car note? Are you gunna do anything to help and encourage them to stay home or are you just going to demonize them for being (rightfully I might add) afraid, worried, and wanting to keep some type of income so they aren’t left homeless in a pandemic?

How the hell can you demand that people care about you and your wellbeing, but you can’t even offer them dogshit in return without being one of the most self centered, selfish, and narcissistic people in existence?

AND ANOTHER THING why is it that mega corporations like Walmart, Sam’s Club, Cosco, etc. are allowed to stay open and operate within certain limitations and guidelines while small businesses, therapists, independent practices, etc. are forced to remain closed? Why is it that small business owners and independent practices are demonized to hell and back for being concerned with their wellbeing for wanting to do the same thing that mega corporations are allowed to do? Why is it that Walmart can operate under reduced hours but a small business can’t do the same damn thing? Why are we not questioning the fact that mega corps are allowed time and time again to get away with doing things that other businesses are demonized for doing? and I’m not even talking about unethical shit like wage theft.

Why is it that governors and politicians are allowed to attend birthday parties and celebrations that are “socially distanced” but god forbid someone want to spend Christmas with their family? Why are they not equally if not fucking more considering they came up with the guidelines and rules than a regular, average person? Why is it that they’re allowed to break the rules and guidelines they came up with but a regular person faces fines and jail time in some extreme cases?

Anyways back on topic... Last I checked, caring about other people was a two way street. To demand that it be a one way street is to basically say how entitled you are to people giving you things but giving nothing back in return.

Yeah, having asthma and being at higher risk of covid fucking sucks, esp if people decide to not wear a face mask or socially distance for stupid reasons... But it also sucks being at risk of losing your house, going hungry, the decline in mental and physical health, etc. that comes from being out of work, quarantined, etc.

I actually understand that even though that I am at higher risk of dying from complications of covid, this pandemic won’t get any better (and in fact, will only get worse) if people are kept without work because they’ll be at greater risk due to being homeless, a weakened immune system from hunger, stress, etc. and you’ll have far more cases of covid than those “plague rats” could have brought by practicing social distancing and wearing a mask while at work.

Cause now, you have people homeless, not able to afford masks at all, etc. contracting covid and dying in the streets which brings upon even more diseases that can kill you than just covid.

So until the government decides they’re actually going to take care of their citizens until the pandemic is over and pull their thumbs out of their asses, the harsh reality is that people will need to go back to work. It isn’t that people who are at higher risk are “worth sacrificing” for “the economy” its that with an economy in shambles, people who are already at higher risk and those who previously weren’t before will be at even greater risk because now things have grinded to a halt, people are homeless, etc.

The pandemic won’t be made better by forcing a total shut down of everything while the government doesn’t send out any money or aid to it’s people for the protection of those at higher risk for covid complications because now you’re dealing with people being homeless, starving, more spikes in cases, etc. and similarly, the pandemic won’t be made any better by freely allowing people to do all the same shit and congregate like they were able to before the pandemic because then that will result in more spikes in cases.

It’s almost like an extreme of either will result in more people dying and demanding people care about you while offering dog shit in return is how this pandemic got as awful as it did in the first fucking place.

#rainbow things #if you know who or what this post is about cudos #but im honestly fucking tired of this one sided ''care about me'' bullshit #yes i have asthma so im at higher risk so i'm consistently annoyed when people think covid is fake #or wearing masks is useless #however on the same bend i also recognize that someone being kept out of work isn't good for them #because they're risking being homeless and catchign covid that way #i also recognized that the lack of social interactions is awful for almost everyone #esp young kids who are still developing their social skills #but there has to be like a balance of things #between totally reopening and a total shut down #cause neither one is good and is going to result in a bunch of people dying #which means small and independent practices and businesses being afforded the same privilages #that mega corps are able to get easily without being demonized #like hell even for me the shutdown has been awful #cause its my last year of college and i was unable to get literally any internship #that would help me get a job in my preferred field #it also sucks that only employees from mega corps were considered essential #but none of small and independent practices and businesses

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dialovers-translations · 4 years ago

Text

Diabolik Lovers More, Blood Drama CD: 365 Days with a Vampire [Laito ver.]

Original title: ヴァンパイアとの365日ライト編～も��かして、重病人！？～

Source: Diabolik Lovers MORE, BLOOD Limited V Edition Drama CD [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Hirakawa Daisuke

Translator’s note: Sneaky, sneaky Laito. :P It was so obviously he was just faking his illness though. The whining sounds kind of had me cringe a little, but it was very...Laito-like, you could say. The way the track ends is kind of sweet though. uwu It fits well with his MB route which is also all about Laito being enlightened to the concept of jealousy, lol.

→ LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Title: Don’t tell me, you’re seriously ill...!?

*Ding・dongー Ding・dongー*

“Aah...Bitch-chan...So this is where you’ve been...”

Laito walks over to you.

“Say, listen...For some reason...I’ve been feeling a little unwell this whole time...Haah...”

You seem worried.

“Heeh...? If I’m okay? ...Of course not. I’ve been looking all around for you like this. Say...I’m going to drop by the infirmary, so please come with me?”

You shake your head.

“Eeeh~? You’re on duty (1) today? ...Just do that later! Ugh...”

*Rustle*

“Say, Bitch-chan...? Is your day duty more important than my health and wellbeing to you? How cruel...Aah! You’re thinking that I’m feigning illness, don’t you...!? Because I’m a Vampire, so there’s no way I’d get sick. Nn...Listen, that’s not true. I really do feel under the weather today.

...Haah...I may be a Vampire, but our health may still experience slight ups and down...! I doubt any other regular girl would pick up on that...but I really believed that you would be able to realize these vague changes in my condition. ...Haah...But instead, you suspect me of lying...I’m so shocked...I feel like I’m going to faint...”

*Rustle*

“...Aah~ Hearing you say that...The room has actually started spinning...”

Laito get shaky on his legs.

“Aaah...! Bitch-chan...! It seems like I’ve reached my limit...I’m gonna collaaaapse...~~”

*Thud*

*Rustle*

“Nn...Haah~ That was close. If you hadn’t caught me in your arms...”

You frown.

“...Exactly. Anyway, it would be best to go to the nurse’s office, right? Say, you’ll obviously take me there, right?”

You nod.

“Hooray...~ Let’s hurry up and get going then.”

You complain about his clingy behavior.

“Heh? I’m clinging onto you too much? But it can’t be helped, right? After all, I can’t walk by myself because I’m so dizzy. Nn...More importantly, quick, make haste...~”

*TIMESKIP*

The two of you enter the infirmary.

*Rattle*

“...Huh? Nobody’s around? Seems like the doctor is absent today.”

You tilt your head to the side.

“I mean, take a look. That’s his white coat draped across the chair over there, right? If he took it off before leaving, I think we can assume he won’t return any time soon, don’t you think? Even though one of the students is this gravely ill, how troublesome. It can’t be helped though.”

He looks over to you.

“Say, you’ll look after me instead of the doctor, right...~?”

You agree.

“Nfu~ Let’s get started right away then. Now, come over here.”

*Rustle*

You walk over.

“Okay! Then first, wear this!”

*Rustle rustle*

“Eeh~? What do you mean? Isn’t that obvious? It’s the white coat the doctor left behind!”

You protest.

“Ah, hey! You can’t take it off! You promised you’d nurse me back to health earlier, didn’t you? Instead of the doctor.”

You ask him what that has to do with wearing the coat.

Geezーー!! In other words, you’re the doctor right now. If that’s the case, a white coat is a must, don’t you think? Nfu~”

You tell him the doctor might get mad.

“Eeeh~? Who cares? After all, they say that sickness begins in the mind (2), right? ...I’m pretty sure that if you were to look after me while wearing a white coat, I’m sure it’ll help lift my spirits and I’ll feel better in no time~”

You still seem skeptical.

“You really don’t want to? ...Oh come on, I’m begging you! Please listen to my selfish requests just for today.”

You nod in defeat.

“...Hooray! I love you, Bitch-chan!”

*Rustle*

“Haah~ I can’t get enough of you looking like that. Say, say...Doctor, I feel reaaaally sick right now. I’ve been feeling dizzy this whole time, and my head hurts as well. What do you think is causing this?”

You ask him if he has any other symptoms.

“Mm...But you see, the worst symptom of all...is that I want to keep you aaaall to myself like this...~ What should I do? Say...Doctor?”

You grow suspicious.

“Nfu~ Huh? You finally realized? You’re right that this illness of mine isn’t a cold or anything like that. For one, us Vampires don’t get that sorta stuff. However, I wasn’t lying about feeling under the weather. After all, you were talking with one of your male classmates the whole time today, no?”

You look confused.

“...You know!! The one you were with earlier as well, that guy who was also on duty today. You seemed rather friendly to him, you see? Watching you live up to your name (3) like that made me really exicted at first, but for some reason, it suddenly lost its charm halfway through. Hmm~ I guess if this is some sort of disease as well after all? ...I mean, even right now...”

*Rustle*

“I just can’t seem to relax unless I get to hold you in my arms like this. I don’t want to let you go anywhere. ...Haah~ How troublesome. For me to feel jealous...Say, Bitch-chan? It’s all your fault so you don’t mind fulfilling a few more of my selfish wishes, right?”

You frown.

“Give me a kiss. Otherwise I just won’t be able to feel at ease after all.”

*Rustle*

“Come on, look this way. Look at me...Mmh...”

*Smooch*

“Nn...”

*Rustle*

“Fufu~ I’m glad. Now I can finally feel relieved. That being said, now that I’ve been put at ease, I’m feeling a little peckish. Say, let me suck just a little bit of your blood?”

You give him permission.

“Haah...Good grief. I wonder if both me and this strange disease will be cured this way?”

Laito bites you.

*Gulp gulp gulp*

“Nfu...~”

*Gulp gulp*

“Mm...Aah~ Nn...Aahn~ Oh no...Rather than getting better...I feel like my condition is only worsening...Haahn...”

*Gulp gulp*

“...Haah...I simply love you so much...This disease just won’t go away...Mmh...”

*Gulp gulp*

ーー THE END ーー

Translation notes

(1) At Japanese high schools, they work with a 日直 or ‘nicchoku’ system which literally means ‘day duty’. Every day, other students are in charge of doing certain chorus such as cleaning the classroom after school, bringing hand-outs to the teacher’s office, etc. This system is meant to teach these youngsters about responsibility from a young age onwards.

(2) In Japanese the expression is 病は気から or ‘yamai wa ki kara’, implying that a lot of feeling sick or getting better is actual mentally decided.

(3) ビッチ or ‘bitch’ in Japanese is commonly used to refer to a woman/girl with loose morals. In English, the term ‘slut’ might actually be a more accurate translation than ‘bitch’ is.

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #laito sakamaki #diabolik lovers drama cd #diabolik lovers translation #drama cd

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ajumierose · 3 years ago

Note

🏀 Does your OC have any skills that people wouldn’t expect them to have? Do they have a hobby or pass time that others would consider strange or weird? How did they learn this particular skill or pick up this hobby?

☀️ How well does your OC take care of themself? Do they tend to put others before their own wellbeing and if so how often? What is their favourite way to pamper themself?

Hi, Thank you for asking😊

Dana:

🏀 She is kinda good at drawing,writing Books and acting. She has a great imagination. A somewhat unusual hobby of hers is to jump on the trampoline every day, regardless of the weather and whether healthy or ill. Since her trampoline is a bit older, she often had a spring stuck in her leg, but she still goes on the trampoline every day. She has been jumping on the trampoline every day since she was around 6. She always listens to music while jumping on the trampoline and shuts off from the reality and Starts to Dream.

☀️ Many see her as lazy and she is a bit selfish in some things but when it comes to really important things, everyone else always comes before her. The health/well being of others is more important to her than her own. She often complains like an old woman about her ailments but once it's really serious she doesn't want anyone to worry (she once had an allergic asthma attack two nights in a row (this happens very rarely because of that she doesn't own an inhaler) but even after being told to ask for help the day before she didden't call for help the second time it happend, although she was even crying in fear of dying of suffocation)(she is allergic to house dust mites and various grasses and a certain type of pollen). She don't really pemper herself,the only thing she do is to sleep longer or take a nap or to eat something she likes. She loves to take a long hot shower, only standing under the water is relaxing to her.

Midori:

🏀 Her ability is to see a person's major fears and weaknesses, which probably has to do with her family lineage. She is kinda good at cooking and acting and can play any Music Instruments. She is also fluently in 6 Languages. Her adoptiv Mother is a Teacher and was a Maid/Nanny before, she teached Midori a lot. And she has a great passion for operas and musicals. She loves Games any kind but especially board games, like monopoly/ ludo/ chess...,she loves to play with her adopted Mother and sister.

☀️ She doesen't care about others besides of her adopted Mother and sister. She loves her body so she is very careful about what she wears, but she only does it for herself, she also takes good care of herself but her family always comes first. She often forgets to pemper herself, but then her adoptive sister steps in and takes care of her, they then have a beauty and wellness day at home and in the evening they all play a nice game that Midori always wins.

Sofia:

🏀She has complete control over her voice, she can even break glass with little effort and sing beautifully. She is also good at many things that many believe blind people can't do, such as drawing, she manages to do this because she has a very large imagination and all her other senses are heightened. Since she is blind she loves to surprise people who think she is disabled because of her blindness. Well, usually many don't even realize that she's blind. The reason she has learned so many things that are rather unusual for a blind person is because she wants to be independent/not to be pitied or dependent on others. She thinks she can do anything anyone else can.

☀️ She doesn't really pay attention to her health, but she pays a lot attention to her appearance. She is actually most important to herself the only exception is her family and when she is in love with someone, she sometimes makes an exception with her best friend. She loves taking a warm bubble bath with several bath bombs and having soft music playing in the background,she does it every second day. She also goes for a massage once a week.

Marie:

🏀 She is good with Animals and likes to do Gardening and Household cores. She loves to go jogging in the morning.Actuelly she is kinda good in any sporty stuff (beside of swimming,she can't swim). A more unusaly Hobby for a activ Person like her is to lie on the lawn and watch the clouds fly by. She is active most of the time, so she finds it nice to relax a bit. She also overdid it with the sport and fainted, since then she also takes a break and enjoys the moment.

☀️She doesn't take good care of herself. For others to like her and stay with her, everyone else is always more important to her. She keeps hurting herself because she doesn't take care of herself, but she mostly ignores it. She usaly never really pemper herself, the only thing she does is take a break when she is jogging and lie on the grass and watch the clouds. Sometimes she goes to the jacuzzi to relax.

Maria:

🏀She is good with people and takes good care of them. She used to be a doctor, among other things. Now she is a model, fashion and politics are two of her many passions. She is also a big art and music fan. Like her daughter, she is also good with animals. Also like her daughter she is good in almost everything. She likes to take pictures,because you can capture a memory and watch it over and over again.

☀️ Pemper Queen,for herself and her daughter. She loves massages. Kinda everyone is important to her but not as much as her daughter,even she is often away and has to let her daughter alone. She takes extremely good care about herself and her daughter,and sometimes it's a little to much by her daughter,she probably overdoes it because she feels guilty about what was done to Marie and that she has to leave her alone so often.

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nadiineross · 4 years ago

Text

widow angst abt not loving sombra but also maybe loving sombra, going in circles and circles like a lil caged animal, fucked up tenses and incoherent half thoughts bc its almost 4am i wrote this in 30min

Widow doesn’t know, sometimes, what to do with choices. She’s hardly had to make any since she became who she is. But Sombra always demands that she make them: choose the restaurant they’re ordering from, pick which car to jack, do you want to go on a date?

With most of her emotions, few of them as they are, she doesn’t know what to do with. Doesn’t know if she wants them. Sombra wants her to know and, that, she knows she dislikes. But she likes Sombra, so she puts up with it.

Sombra is demanding in this way. If it were anyone else, Widow would have shot them by now, for being so presumptuous, for the arrogance, the selfishness, to ask this of Widow.

But Sombra’s Sombra and not many people like Widow, so she has to hold on to those who do. Or she doesn’t. Many people like Widow. She’s pretty, she knows. She flaunts it, after all, to get what she wants sometimes. Those people, Widow wouldn’t think twice about killing.

Sombra is different because she actually gives a damn. Sombra thinks she loves Widow which is something they have argued about a few times—always, Widow lets the matter rest once she has said her piece, because Sombra can be stubborn when she wants to be, can outwait Widow when she wants to.

Sombra’s special like that. She’s silly, idiotic, callous, but underneath it all, she’s still the most independently capable, motivated, and intelligent person Widow knows. She’s entirely self-made, entirely in control. And she hides it all behind being a cheeky shit because it’s the smart thing to do and Sombra is so smart.

Being with her makes Widow feel powerful. At night, when Sombra’s curled up against Widow’s side, Widow will brush her ridiculous purple hair out of her face, trace the curve of her forehead, and think about how the brain encased in Sombra’s hard head can, and in fact has, toppled small countries on its own. And this very brain thinks it loves Widow.

Widow isn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth—usually.

It’s a matter of practicality, really. Sure, she’s not who she used to be and physically can’t process emotions the way regular people can. But she’s not dumb; she knows how relationships work. She was married, for God’s sake.

She knows, logically, it’s about communication and honesty, and reciprocation. Otherwise, it’s just leeching. It’s being deadweight.

Widow can force communication and honesty out of herself. Those are things that are within her capabilities. The necessary skills and traits are useful to Talon, so she has them. Reciprocation is a different story. Reciprocation is difficult.

She likes Sombra, so she will make a conscious effort to keep her around. Sombra tells her that this is what love is.

Widow agrees and disagrees. Of course, she cares for Sombra’s wellbeing, but she cares about Akande and Gabriel, too. She would never claim she loves them, not in the way she might with Sombra.

That’s another thing: uncertainty. She is certain she doesn’t love other people. She isn’t so sure with Sombra.

Sombra can be very convincing, if she puts the effort in—coercion is her whole schtick, anyway—and this Widow also likes and hates. They’ve done a bunch of new and exciting things together, and most of it, Sombra had talked Widow into. Widow values those experiences.

But Sombra also talks Widow into things she’s not so enthusiastic about. Submitting a form to Talon declaring their relationship? Thinking about that day makes her want to murder someone. So awkward.

Sombra also talks Widow into thinking she might love Sombra back. And that’s good if she does, and astronomically bad if she doesn’t. Because honesty. Widow doesn’t lie to Sombra often. Sombra doesn’t care if Widow lies about work since she could find out if she really wanted to but, out of all Talon personnel, she is the farthest from a Talon loyalist and couldn’t give less of a damn about its goals.

Otherwise, though, Widow doesn’t hide much from Sombra. Maybe if Sombra makes Widow feel vaguely embarrassed about something, Widow will try to hide it just to save face, but Sombra sees through that like glass and Sombra almost never means to make Widow feel like that, never maliciously. So, it makes it okay. It does.

Widow can’t say the same.

Other people’s misfortune, especially brought about by her own hand, makes her happy. Makes her feel powerful. She can’t help it if an impulse to be cruel seizes her. It doesn’t come up with Sombra except when she feels cornered and that’s when she feels uncertain and out of her element.

Sombra is excellent at provoking those feelings. Again, Widow doesn’t experience feelings the way Sombra does, so it’s okay sometimes. Only sometimes.

The first time Sombra had said she loved Widow, Widow had called her stupid and left her in the cold. And Widow knew, immediately, that it hurt Sombra.

She knew it would be best for the health of their relationship if she apologized and explained herself, but there wasn’t a strong desire to do that, so she had left it until Sombra came and gave Widow a piece of her mind. After that, Widow had indeed explained, slowly, off kilter, mildly irritated.

It’s a mess. Widow doesn’t mind a mess but it’s not good for relationships and Widow wants to maintain this one. Wants to clean it up, knows which tools to use to do so, knows how to use those tools. Doesn’t, in the end, have access to some of them.

Sombra must know this. Sombra does know this.

Still, Sombra insists on telling Widow she loves her.

Widow can’t stand it.

Widow tries to stand it.

“That’s love, Spider.”

Widow scoffs at the thought.

When she was young, her parents got her a fish and Widow had tried to take care of it and failed spectacularly. The fish had died within two days. Trying isn’t sufficient.

She hardly succeeds, with Sombra.

She can do the easy things, the small things that don’t inspire feelings of triumph from Widow. If Sombra wants to be held, Widow will do it. If Sombra wants a sounding board, Widow will get comfortable. If Sombra wants to fuck with Gabriel, Widow won’t snitch.

She fails, however, if Sombra needs anything close to emotional literacy. Sombra isn’t perfect either, she knows. She is painfully aware.

Sombra is presumptuous and arrogant. Sombra asks for too much. She doesn’t care about Talon, and Talon is the reason for Widow’s existence. She makes everything a joke, just under half of which fly over Widow’s head. Flaunts what she has and what is wholly unattainable for Widow.

It feels like a test of Widow’s compliance. Endurance, really. Certainly not love.

“Love can be about endurance.”

It can. Widow knows all these things could count. Should count, considering. But she wants to do better, be better. And she also doesn’t because she can’t and it’s unfair that she should be unhappy with herself for something she cannot fundamentally change.

She’s a bit resentful. She’s a bit tired. She’s a bit unhappy and a bit apathetic about all those things. Never a lot of anything. So, relatively speaking, it’s significant that she feels this way.

But then, full circle, it’s about endurance. She will endure those feelings. For Sombra.

Sombra who endures, always. Whose entire life has been about endurance. Does it as easily as breathing. Sombra is strong and smart, and those aren’t things Widow inherently likes about Sombra.

Widow likes the way those qualities make her life better. Sombra solves problems and does things for her.

If she loves Sombra, then it would be because Sombra loved her first. Does it the best because no one else loves Widow and there’s no competition, really.

And is that fucked up? Is that wrong?

Should she care? Liking someone because they like you doesn’t exactly measure up to terrorizing entire peoples, which she does for almost no money or other benefits other than her own enjoyment and a few more hours with Sombra which, again, is also for her own enjoyment.

Widow looks down at Sombra and thinks in cycles.

Her eyes are closed and she’s snoring, head in Widow’s lap. Widow cards her fingers through Sombra’s hair and feels heady with power.

If Widow could be a better person, she wouldn’t want to be, she doesn’t think. Except when it comes to Sombra. Because if Widow could love Sombra back, she would.

#spiderbyte #overwatch #spiderbytefics

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kachulein · 4 years ago

Note

It's just Felix's voice is on another lvl and everytime his part comes in a song it's like "I knew it was gonna happen but I still feel attacked thank you" and ya I'd love to get some help in knowing who they are like, I recognize them most of the time but a guide to who's who wouldnt hurt mostly abt their personalities you know?

Oof I feel you so much with this. In the new album 아니 (Any) is my favourite song and I especially like Felix's part. His voice isn't as deep there but god, the tone of his voice is just so pretty?? It had me hooked from the start.🥺

And I'm really sorry for only answering this ask now, granted, I have to admit I felt very grumpy after tumblr deleted the whole guide I was working on but I finally finished the new, and definitely better/more organized one, so I hope this will be of help and that you'll enjoy reading through it~

A Guide to Stray Kids' Personalities

I'll put this under a cut as it got extremely long. :3

Bang Chan:

Chan is literally the biggest sweetheart and I keep referring to him as 'emotional support kpop boy'

he is so kind and caring - I mean he even hosts a weekly vlive broadcast to help stays fall asleep, he really cares about us/our problems and truly wants to help us feel better with his music and his words

truly does not have one bad bone in his body- he's super sweet and caring but when it comes down to business -music- he gets strict, maybe a little cold? but that's just because he wants everyone to do their best

he used to be (too) strict with Felix in the past but that was because he had a special bond with him/he liked him so much, so I assume he's the type of person who wants to see his loved ones succeed and do their best and so he might end up being a little too strict to them since he wants them to improve

he used to get more angry at the members when something didn't work out in the past but nowadays, he rarely loses his temper and he tries to stay away from them when he's really angry - he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings

he actually really likes acting cute!! he used to be the youngest member at jype and he used to hang out with older peers, so he got a habit of acting cute and giving hugs to others and now he does it to the members, haha so precious

he gets super shy and flustered when he's being complimented - he starts giggling and looking down, it's literally the most precious and he deserves to know how amazing he is because he truly is so humble

his humble self is what makes him a great leader as well since he's never greedy or selfish and always puts the members before himself - the members are his top priority and he definitely sacrifices some things for the team

but he also said he can't talk about himself well or he gets nervous when he's got a schedule by himself (like when he recorded his dance cover of 2pm's my house), so he really seems like someone who gains strength and confidence from having his team around him

he's very selfless and very supportive and encouraging but he can also be very funny and teasing

he's very genuine, sincere and nice and he's got an extremely strong sense of responsibility (vvv good trait for a leader ofc), he may seem a bit scary at first/in the past but the more you learn about him the more amazing you will find him and the more you will fall in love with him tbh

in general he's honestly top notch boyfriend material and also just a very wholesome and high quality human being

he also likes to lead and set the mood, he enjoys entertaining others and making them feel satisfied - he hopes that everyone can be happy, he wants to make people happy and then he will be happy, too

and ofc we can't forget how talented he is, music production/composition, making arrangements, writing lyrics, translating lyrics, speaking multiple languages, beautiful singing voice, amazing dancer (he's actually done ballet in the past), and also a great rapper

like tbh, what can't he do??? but believe me when I say, we're going to be asking ourselves this question quite a few times in this post

Minho:

Minho is the definition of a tsundere personality - even the members said so - at first glance you may notice that he can be quite savage and funny and maybe there's even a chance that he seems cold to some-

however, he's truly a sweet person and has a very warm heart and he selflessly cares about others without trying to make a big deal out of it - like, he'd never boast about helping others or doing someone a favour, he's the type to quietly take care of others

he doesn't like admitting to it but he truly cares a lot despite acting nonchalant most of the time - like one time Changbin asked him to get him something,,, and he shrugged it off as "nah dude, I'm not getting this for you" but he kept searching for it for 30 minutes when he couldn't find it - so that really shows it all (Changbin that dork asked Hyunjin to get it for him and then when Minho finally came back and said he couldn't find it, Changbin was like "oh shit sorry, I already asked Hyunjin to bring it to me." 🤦🏻‍♀️ #justiceforminho)

anyway, I don't want people to view him as just a pretty face who's an amazing dancer and a savage guy because he's soooooo much more than that, like there's a lot more to him below the surface -

DID YOU KNOW HE MAKES THREADED BRACELETS IN HIS FREE TIME??? THAT'S THE ABSOLUTE SOFTEST THING EVER BUT ALSO WHAT CAN'T HE DO??? SO MUCH TALENT IN ONE PERSON- (he wore one in his recent solo live and he said he made 7 in total and gave some to others, I wonder if some of the other members got one since I saw Hyunjin wearing a bracelet like that-)

he's a cat person which I love but he also resembles a cat so much?? a true kitty boy- he's very independent and self-reliant, he used to live by himself (I read that once), so he knows how to get around

he also enjoys things such as the smell of gasoline/gas stations or the smell of new buildings or even the smell of cat paws??? it's really odd but also really funny and his reason for it is that smells leave behind memories and I think that makes so much sense then-

he cares a lot about the wellbeing of animals and people and he even sponsors a child in Africa through UNICEF - my heart melted when I found out about that, he also can be seen wearing safety pins on multiple occasions and that just makes me feel like you'd be very safe with him

he can be a bit of an enigma though, even the members think he's "weird"/hard to understand as even they don't fully get him but I think that's his charm! he's not like everybody and he doesn't shy away from being himself

also, he never makes the younger members do stuff for him, on the dance team(s?) he was on predebut, he always used to be one of the youngest members so he said he never learned how to treat people younger than him (he's also an only child), so he's just comfortable with the younger skz members and I feel like they really appreciate it since it makes them feel as if they're all the same age

he also reads a lot and he's said that he reads many self-help books so that he can gain knowledge and help stays out there/convey the message of these books to them

with Minho it's really about the little things, he doesn't make grand gestures and that's why I think some people may overlook his kind and caring nature but if you really look closely, you can see it and it'll warm your heart

He's also very diligent and hardworking, albeit he seems to be someone who gets bored here and there ("I work out to kill time") he really has his goals and ambitions and he works hard for them.

His dancing is freaking amazing (@ jype pls he is a main dancer why is he rarely in center spot????) and his vocals and rapping have improved tremendously! He's got such a beautiful and angelic falsetto tbh you will fall in love with it-

So all in all, you can totally appreciate him for his wit and his savage comments but honestly, his kind and caring heart is what really made him my bias wrecker. I truly believe that he's a very caring and protective person and I find that so beautiful.

Changbin:

Changbinnie oh god, I have so much love for him and I can relate to him a lot. First of all, he always makes sure to be a good listener, so others tend to go to him with their concerns and he tries to take everything in that they say and then give them comfort

he cares a lot about other people's feelings and he puts a lot of importance on his relationships with other people - he wants others to feel comfortable around him and he is very thankful that the younger members also feel comfortable around him

he's a very honest person and doesn't pretend or fake anything, however, if his truth/his feelings would hurt someone else's feelings, he's not going to be honest. That doesn't mean that he's going to lie but he just cares a lot about not hurting other's feelings.

he said even if someone else's feelings are just a little bit hurt, it drives him crazy and he also said that he might be like that since he's sensitive and gets hurts by others easily (this is all so relatable😭)

anyway, Changbin is known for liking to joke around and also is one of the member who get teased by the others a lot, but fear not, he said that he actually enjoys when others tease him because that means they're comfortable with him and that makes him happy

how precious is that omg-

he makes jokes a lot but he is serious when he needs to be, he tends to be more fun around others/with others but is more serious when he's on his own, that's why he actually prefers to be around friends since it helps him forget about his own concerns

I guess he'd be an overthinker and to stop himself from overthinking he spends time playing around with the other members but in a way, I also feel a bit worried since he doesn't open up a lot and I hope he doesn't bottle up his feelings too much since I know how difficult that can be :c

on another note, Changbin is very focused on his health, he apparently works out every morning even when he's tired, he also cares about healthy nutrition and he takes supplements so that he can be healthier

apart from wanting others to feel comfortable around him, he also wants to be seen as a reliable person and it feels good to him when he can help someone/give them comfort

he's truly such a sweetheart and despite seeming so confident, I always feel like he might harbour a lot of insecurities underneath - but that's just my personal opinion, so take that with a grain of salt

the members also said he's the scariest when he gets mad but the sweet thing is that he always apologises to everyone after getting mad

even if he didn't get mad at everyone, he still apologises to them all, and it just shows what a good heart he's got-

and pls can we also talk about how talented he is as a producer, composer, lyricist, main rapper, and vocalist?? His voice is so beautiful and I hope he gets more confident in it and tbh he's also a really good dancer, so I hope he can get praised for his dancing more often as well (before he became a rapper he actually tried out dancing first)

so in conclusion WHAT CAN'T HE DO AND CHANGBIN BEST BOI GIVE HIM LOTS OF LOVE

Hyunjin:

"sexy boy" Hyunjinnie here is actually so much more than just a pretty face with great body proportions and amazing and sexy dance moves/skills

Hyunjin is the biggest soft boy, he's truly a sentimentalist - he gets hurt easily, Seungmin compared him to a snowflake that breaks when it touches the ground

he first thought of himself as mentally strong since that's what helps him overcome all the difficulties but later on (in that video) he felt like he was more mentally weak

he cares a lot about other people's opinion of him and it's really hard for him to ignore hate comments, he gets really sensitive about those (pls for the love of god, what a**holes are sending this precious angel hate?!?!?!?! I WANNA FITE (ง'̀-'́)ง)

with that being said, he's a very emotional boy, he tries to control his emotions or hold them in but he gets influenced by them quite often

he's also very honest with his feelings, so when he expresses them and when he breaks down, they all just burst out of him and he ends up spilling everything he's held in for a while

he doesn't really express his emotions skillfully (don't @ me, Changbin said that) so that can make you feel a bit sorry for him or it can make you feel like you want to take care of him because he's so innocent, naive and trusts easily

like really, he is, he almost got abducted by a cult once- SOMEONE PROTECT HIM PLS-

he also gets immersed in things very easily and boi do I feel him on this one; especially when he watches dramas, he gets so immersed and feels like he's living through the drama as if it happened to himself, he puts himself in the shoes of the male/female main character and the storyline just affects him so much that he often ends up crying (same same😭)

it also happens when he reads webtoons or so, he's also a huge fan of reading - ever since an acquaintance recommended him some books when he was going through a hard time and those books comforted him in a way that words never could - that was the start of his interest in reading

from the outside, we also know him as a bit of a drama queen which actually makes for so many hilarious moments - this impulsive/emotional side of him is just so authentic and he said that there's no side of him that he hasn't shown to stays

he can also be quite critical tbh and he's got his own standards for his likes and dislikes, so when something doesn't meet his standards he breaks down akdksksoals but when there's something he doesn't want to do or thinks doesn't serve him, he's got no problem cutting it off

despite that, he can actually get swayed by other people quite easily (hence, him being trusting and naive), when others make suggestions, he often agrees to them but that doesn't mean that he doesn't have his own opinions whatsoever, because he does have those as well

it's just easy to sway/persuade him, even when it comes to things like shopping - he rarely goes shopping tbh, despite dressing so well - but when he does, then he'll go get the things he finds pretty but when someone points something out and says "that's pretty" he'll buy it (so in conclusion, I really wanna go shopping with him now)

so yeah, Hyunjin is amazing and he's so compassionate and emotional and empathetic and I love him so much wtf and he's so hardworking and talented and his dancing is so amazing and his rapping has become so damn good, like his voice is loud and stable like good job baby🥺, I'm so proud of you🥺, and his singing voice is so soft and lovely, and he's also great at taking pictures- and aaaah seriously what can't he do??? he is a full package imo and you cannot escape his charms even if you try-

Jisung:

okay so Jisungie is seriously such a precious and shy bean and you don't really see this at first glance because he's so sociable, outgoing and cheerful when he's with the members

but that's the thing: he's close to them and they make him feel comfortable and confident, so he feels at ease and can show a more talkative side of himself - he's even the one who usually leads the conversation

he's extremely funny, has a lot of wit, is great at doing acrostic poems and in general, he's just such a creative person with many amazing ideas - some may call him a genius😌

but coming back to that shy side of his; he's actually a very introverted person; he doesn't like to leave the house and and hates moving in general - Jisung in bed is Jisung in his natural habitat tbh

on days off he prefers to stay indoors, lay in bed, and just watch youtube videos or tv shows or something - he doesn't like to go out or do outdoor activities and his eyes are always glued to the phone (relatable)

even when he's eating with the members he's having his earbuds in and watches something on his phone and then he gets really creative and uses all kinds of things to mount his phone (again, so relatable hhhh)

his routine is something like watching youtube videos/cartoons etc., falling asleep, waking up, spacing out and then repeating the whole process-

he sleeps really well and he can actually fall asleep in the weirdest places, it really shows how he can fall asleep everywhere but maybe he also seeks special hideouts to nap because he doesn't like being woken up and if the members can't see/find him, they also can't wake him... you get it hahaha~

Chan thought that maybe Jisung watches all these things on his phone as a way to escape reality and to relieve stress but Jisung also said that he gets a lot of inspiration from cartoons and videos to write lyrics - due to watching all these videos he actually harbours a lot of random trivia knowledge, which fits the genius description~

however, despite this outgoing side when he's with his close friends, he actually gets scared easily, may it be heights or dark places or meeting new people - protect him omg - especially with strangers he's extremely shy -> the introvert showing

he actually doesn't talk at all when he has to meet new people, he gets very nervous and awkward and scared - when they're at music shows and there's a lot of people around, he gets very nervous - he said he's never been good at making friends and he only keeps a few close friends

when he gets close to people, however, he becomes extremely talkative with no limit, he's also very affectionate and warm-hearted, his sentimental, soft and dreamy side really coming through

so basically, he's very cheerful on the outside but thoughtful on the inside - he's actually very mature despite the goofy and silly/playful side he usually shows us -> Changbin once said that Jisung feels like an older brother to him because of how mature he is, he really is a deep thinker and I guess that's also a reason why he's so amazing at writing songs

Jisung also got something we're all envious of; he can eat lots of unhealthy things without gaining weight - he loves sweet things (but also chips) and he frequently eats late night snacks and luckily for him, his face rarely puffs up despite those late night snacks, there's only been a few occasions during which that happened (and I think I got a picture of one of these instances hahahaha he really looks different with a puffy face, so cute!!!🥺😂)

he's also just such an adorable person and it's so soft and cute and fun to watch him get excited and he absolutely loves to receive praise and he's just such a baby boy tbh :(( jisung protection squad where ya at?? and well, of course, we can't end this without talking about his endless list of talents like WHAT CAN'T THIS MAN DO??? producing songs, composing, writing lyrics, amazing rapping, amazing vocals, amazing dancing, drawing, voice imitations - he's seriously one of the most talented all-rounder out there and god I love him so much and you seriously can't escape his squirrel/quokka charms🥺

Felix:

if you need a definition or a personification of the word pure, it would be Felix, like seriously, this boy is so soft and precious we need to protect him at all costs

he's literally so nice, so sweet, so kind and so creative - he's often referred to as the "romanticist" in stray kids and yeah that really fits because you know what? he once surprised Seungmin for his birthday in the cutest way. He called him on his birthday and asked him for help (as an excuse) and when Seungmin came down, Felix was there with a birthday cake with Seungmin's nickname on it - he basically organized this little surprise and Seungmin tried so hard not to cry🥺🥺🥺

Felix is so considerate and cares a lot about the other members, he's usually more of a quiet person but when he feels comfortable around someone, he can get really talkative

but him not talking doesn't mean there's nothing going on inside of him - he's literally got so many thoughts running around in his mind and he's truly an overthinker - he talks to himself in his mind a lot

he also loves playing games and he can seriously go on playing until 6am, the members said that he is very good at concentrating (for example when he studies Korean) but especially also when he's playing games

Felix said that playing games is something that helps him relieve stress or it's what he does when he's tired - playing games is a distraction for him, so he can avoid thinking of whatever's troubling him

however, recently he wants to focus more on his concerns and worries, he thinks it's not something he should avoid, so now he tries to focus on these worries and talk about them/express them more since he thinks it's important to do so

something that's really cute about him but also worrisome is that he gets sleepy easily, especially after eating, so whenever they got dance practice, he tends not to eat in order to avoid getting sleepy :(

protect him pls and pls lixie don't avoid eating~ especially when having dance practice you need your energy and it's not good to have an empty stomach and fill it with coffee and sweet beverages instead of food :(

anyway, Felix is winsome and cute and an absolute cuddle buddy, he says he doesn't really know what it means to act cute but I suppose he's just naturally cute and adorable- I MEAN C'MON-

whenever Felix talks about serious matters, it's like he needs some sort of comfort afterwards so he requires a lot of cuddles (but the members said that after a while it gets too hot (I guess because of his body heat??) so it can be hard for them to cuddle him for long periods of time :'))

Felix is also known as our sunshine, he always wants to give a positive and happy impression to others/us stays even when he might be dealing with negative thoughts, it's too precious but I hope he also takes care of himself

but trying to be optimistic and think positively instead of letting the negative thoughts consume you is already a good start and I feel like Chan also helped him a lot with this, Chanlix best soulmates ever

Felix has high expectations (it seems) and he always wants to do better and do well, he's working hard on improving himself and it really shows!!

his singing voice improved so much (as well as his rapping!! and I mean H I S V O I C E in general oof😭🥺) and his dancing is freaking amazing!! I hope he can become confident in himself because he deserves to be happy with the person he is since he's such a huge inspiration to so many of us!! SERIOUSLY WHAT CAN'T HE DO?? he shows us that we can achieve anything with practice and hard work and that's so inspiring PLS EVERYONE LOVE OUR FELIX SUNSHINE

Seungmin:

I think the first words that come to mind when thinking of Seungmin is how diligent and clean/organized he is. He was one of the only (if not THE only) trainee who never missed a day of writing his trainee logs

he's not just diligent but extremely hardworking overall and he describes himself as serious and a bit funny - he's got very strong willpower tbh

he may also be known for teasing the members, especially Jeongin, or for nagging when someone (looking at you, Jisung) leaves behind a mess at the dorm but he is truly a sweetheart and he doesn't mean any harm

and in turn, he's also one of the members who gets teased the most- when that happens he becomes upset but he recovers very quickly as he often thinks it's not worth getting mad over

like honestly, he is a puppy, he can't do no harm :< but yeah, Seungmin is actually extremely soft, emotional, empathetic and supportive!! I've been keeping an eye on him recently and whenever something happens to a member (on a variety show - for example when one member shows off something and embarrasses himself or so), he's always there to give them a hug, comforting them

he also always tries to cheer other members up when they feel down, then he may act silly or he does/say something that's supportive because he truly cares about the members and doesn't like seeing them in pain

he's also someone who cries very easily, showing how he's truly an emotional baby but don't be phased, he's actually very emotionally strong and it's something very admirable about him

he has God sent vocals, his dancing is amazing and omg have you heard rapper!Seungmin?? Tbh I dig it!! He strictly takes care of his voice since his vocals and recording songs is very important to him - he dresses warmly when it's cold, always wears a mask and tries not to get sick

he's also very good at taking photos and he always brings his camera to official schedules and takes photos of the members. SEUNGMIN BEST STRAY KIDS FANSITE!!!!!

if you ever hear a weird noise, especially something sounding like "GAAAH" or "DA", it's probably Seungmin. He's truly a puppy, he's so cute and adorable, I feel like he's the type of person you can't get mad at

he also manages himself well, from getting up early, to cooking food for himself if there's none, to taking care of his body and health - it's really admirable and he also practices his singing so diligently and it just s h o w s- he's so good

also, he actually wanted to become a baseball player when he was a kid and we're still waiting for him to show us how he plays-

but also!!! he is a very smart and logical person (he wanted to be a prosecutor if he wasn't in stray kids) so he's got both the logical and also the very loving, empathetic side since he's also very considerate of the members - he seems to be a really good listener to them, this is just a personal observation from watching two kids room episodes- and he's actually the only member who thinks before he speaks- THANK YOU SEUNGMING I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE DON'T JUST BLURT EVERYTHING OUT-

so really ???? WHAT CAN'T HE DO HE IS A FULL PACKAGE- and fun fact, he brushes his teeth around 6 times a day-

but anyway, Seungmin is the type of person who appreciates the small things in life and finds happiness through those. I really like that attitude and he's truly someone worth looking up to. Our multitalented dandy boy- you can only love him~

Jeongin:

Jeongin here may be the youngest - and granted he is absolutely cute and adorable no matter what he does - but he's actually also a very mature person and I feel like that can be overlooked since he's the youngest of the team

while it can be hard for him to share his struggles as there's no one else his age in skz, he's also generally a person who doesn't want to burden others with his hardships so he keeps a lot of stuff to himself (so relatable)

but recently his mom talked to him about him not sharing his feelings and he's trying to open up more and share a bit, when the other members ask him if it's been hard, he often bursts into tears - god, protect him pls

even though he doesn't talk or show that much there's these moments - one time he was eating with Hyunjin and just broke down in tears since it's been hard for him - I suppose he bottles stuff up and then it comes out all of a sudden

however, his mature side is still there and the members, especially Hyunjin or Chan really enjoy sharing their feelings with him

Jeongin is a really great listener, he doesn't try to give solutions, he just listens to the other person and then shares his own experiences - it's what makes him seem mature

though he also has a bit of a mature and even cold look, so usually the first impression he gives off is different from his actual self and he said he enjoys seeing how people get surprised when they get closer to him and learn about his true self

he's also extremely clumsy and causes trouble often - from breaking doors, to accidentally hurting members, to spilling stuff, he's a clumsy boi

and he's also really forgetful, he tends to forget when he orders something online and gets surprised when it suddenly arrives or he forgets where he put his belongings (like his airpods jajdjskdks) and then he just buys new ones and then loses them again after a few months- aish that boi-

but these things are also what makes him even more lovable, like yes, he definitely has a mature side about him but you just want to protect and take care of him when you see him, amiright???

the members also said (or more like Hyunjin said) that he doesn't know anyone who's kinder and nicer than Jeongin

and on top of that, he's also a very hardworking member and his dancing and his vocals have improved soooooo much, and I'm so so so proud of him, like his voice is so beautiful

and he's been getting into working out recently, so now he's also trying to take good care of his body and wow, he's been doing a really good job even the members commented on how his back/shoulders are becoming broader

all in all, Jeongin is the cute and adorable maknae of Stray Kids but he's also so much more than just the youngest member and he's got so many things going for him and he always pushes through even when it's hard and never gives up

it's truly admirable like what can't he do right????? pls show our cute baby lots of love uwu

#the many hours i spent on this i'm so happy i got it done and i hope what i wrote made sense #i know the members ofc but i still did research on everyone first so that nothing i say in this guide is false #i hope you like it🥺#stray kids #ask #jenoscity💕#lovely mooties💖

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meikuree · 4 years ago

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short post about personal responses to being in fandom, mental health (slightly), coping mechanisms

2020 (okay, technically starting from late dec 2019) was the first year i started putting fannish content up on the internet and one of the key things i quickly needed to take stock of was ways to be conscious of my wellbeing while i was doing it, and also what to do to take care of it. this was necessary for me for a couple of reasons but the big one is that i get insecure very easily about my writing and have issues with stat comparison. my coping measures have ranged from tweaking my fandom experience in small ways to disengaging from fandom periodically if needed.

in mid 2020, for instance, i started using an ao3 code to hide all fic stats (e.g. kudos/bookmarks/comments) so they wouldn’t show up while i was browsing fics, and it’s something i’d now highly recommend to any other person also struggling with comparison with other writers/people. beyond being a recuperative step for alleviating the anxiety i was feeling while browsing ao3, i love it for the fact that it prompts me to reevaluate my criteria for determining what a “worthy” fic is -- hiding stats leads me more frequently to hidden/overlooked fics, because i’m not using stats as a flawed shorthand to determine whether a fic is good, and i like the increased equitability/thoughtfulness, i suppose you could call it, in how i’ve picked fics afterwards. it also works for me because i’ve long noticed that the fics i like/enjoy reading often aren’t the ones that get the most numerical/quantified attention, and this is one way to remove the influence of (sometimes, or frequently) arbitrary markers on my choices.

the other helpful but maybe sliiiightly drastic coping mechanism i’ve resorted to -- and which i’m doing right now, actually -- is simply disengaging from fandom for a while, which means not reading other fics in fandoms i’m writing for, or refusing to look up fannish content for a while. and it honestly does feel amazing! i believe everyone should do it once in a while if they notice their relationship with fandom going sour

i’m still fine with reading/looking at things if people send them to me or want me to check them out for any reason, but unless people specifically ask me, i simply Don’t Look At Things. i do this primarily when i’m in the middle of writing, because writing is a cognitively involved process for me where it’s easier if i withdraw into myself to finish short bouts of intense work. it’s unfortunately also a stage during which i’m prone to spiralling over my writing, so to avoid exacerbating that this is something i do

the tension i’ve faced with this is that it’s something i sometimes feel bad for doing, because it does mean i become insular and selfish in some respects -- i stop going out of my way to engage with acquaintances/friends’ works and/or comment on them like i usually do, unless someone directs me to them, for instance. it doesn’t mean i don’t appreciate them, i’m just keeping to myself for a while for self-preservation.

not sure how to end this -- but to recapitulate, this is just a short explanation... to talk about why i don’t reblog things sometimes. it’s because i simply filter/block all tags for fandoms i need to disengage from. i usually aim to get back to reblogging/supporting other creators when i get out of the stage where i need to do these things, i suppose

#meikuree talks #personal

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kategrainger · 5 years ago

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Suggested Solutions for Those Who Struggle with Self-Love

Happiness can be a fleeting thing, especially if you’re tired or over stressed. Today in this busy world it is ever more important to take the time for self care.

Neglecting and ignoring your needs is not noble. It’s not a badge that you should wear proudly. Putting everything and everyone else above your physical, mental, emotional or spiritual health is a sign of martyrdom, low self-esteem, and workaholism. It is not selflessness or a good work ethic.

We need to teach ourselves how to care for our needs. Why? Because no one else is going to do it for us!

Self-care means taking steps to look after yourself and your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs.

Self-care starts with the acknowledgment that you are responsible for your wellbeing.

Self-care is an integral part of self-love which is the practice of being kind and compassionate towards yourself.

Here are signs to identify warning signs that you are neglecting self-care:

• Constant tiredness and fatigue • Irritability (little things annoy you) • Poor sleep quality • Muscle tension • Chronic illnesses (e.g. colds, flu, infections) • Anxiety and worry • Paranoia • Neglecting family or friend time • Obsessive rumination (mind won’t shut off) • Constant low-grade depression • More dread than excitement • Disconnection from your body • No time to do what makes you happy • All work and no play • Feelings of emptiness • Negative and self-sabotaging thoughts • Low self-worth and insecurity

There can be many other signs, but determining if you experience any of the above is a good place to start.

Why are we resistant to self-care?

You’ve probably heard it before. “I’m too busy to do that,” “I have too much on my plate right now,” “I’m inundated with work.” I’ve been guilty of using these banal excuses more than once, let me assure you!

Self-care, to many people, is also unfortunately associated with selfishness. There is an old and outdated perception that taking care of your needs first equals being self-centred. How are we able to take care of others if we cannot take care of ourselves?

Poor self-esteem is another reason why some people are resistant to self-care. The belief that “I’m not worth it” is so pervasive in our society that it’s an epidemic. Inevitably, poor self-worth results in self-neglect, sometimes even as a form of self-punishment. So I encourage you to practise the self-care ideas below. The more you incorporate them into your life, the better you will feel about who you are - at a core level.

Self-care suggestions for those struggling with self-love

If you struggle with stress, feelings of being overwhelmed, a mind that just won’t turn off, grapple with low motivation, negative mindsets, self-defeating habits, tend to be cynical, neurotic or highly-strung … this list is for you.

The best advice I can give you is to take it one step at a time. Don’t rush. The advice presented below is the work of a lifetime – not the work of a week. So be realistic and do the best you can.

Self-Care Ideas for the Body

1. Sit somewhere in nature. Feel relaxed by the scenery, the fresh air, and the birds singing.

2. Have a soothing bath. Put some essential oil in the bath to unwind and let go.

3. Take a deep mindful breath. Oxygenate your body, reduce the tension, and refresh your energy.

4. Have a nap. Find a comfy place and drift off into dream time. Set a timer if you’re worried about sleeping too much.

5. Make yourself some delicious food. Eat a tasty salad. Cook some comfort food. Make something just for you.

6. Dance to your favourite song. Get in touch with your playful side and enjoy a good workout while you’re at it!

7. Drink some herbal tea. Make yourself a soothing brew with whatever tea you have lying around. If you like experimenting, try holy basil, damiana, chamomile, and lavender.

8. Give yourself a massage. There are many self-massage techniques which you can easily find online that require nothing but your hands. For a deep tissue massage, you can use an old tennis ball and roll out the kinks in your muscles.

9. Eat your leafy greens every day. Nourish your body with the vitamins and minerals found in leafy greens like spinach, broccoli, and kale. If you don’t like the taste, add them to your smoothie or soup.

10. Take a walk in the sun. Get some vitamin D. Clear your mind. You’ll be exercising while you’re at it.

11. Create a physical space that nurtures your wellbeing. Get rid of the clutter, dirt, and dust around you. Create order in your environment as this will create more order in your mind.

Self-Care Ideas for the Heart

12. Give yourself a big hug. Stand somewhere quiet and hug yourself. Feel held and comforted.

13. Have a good laugh. Watch or read something entertaining even if that means a silly video of baby goats in pyjamas on YouTube.

14. Have a good cry. Let out all your feelings. Watch a sad movie. Have a tissue box and a blanket to snuggle in handy.

15. Show gratitude. Find something to be thankful for in your life.

16. Look at yourself through the eyes of a loving parent. Be the best mother or father to yourself that you could possibly be. Treat your inner child with love, gentleness, and respect.

17. Say kind words to yourself. When you’re angry, sad or scared, gently tell yourself, “It’s OK,” “I understand,” “I forgive you,” “You can do this,” “I believe in you.”

18. Learn how to self-soothe. Feeling anxious or upset is normal. Find little rituals or practices that make you feel calm such as drinking a cup of cocoa, heating up a hot pack, listening to music, colouring-in, or cuddling a soft toy.

19. Go on a date with yourself. Go somewhere special and spend a day with yourself. Spend time thinking about the qualities you most love and appreciate in yourself.

20. Check in with your heart. Regularly explore how you’re feeling on an emotional level. Does something feel uncomfortable or wrong? What emotions are currently dominating your inner landscape? By gently acknowledging these emotions you’ll be able to practice self-care.

21. Spend time around people that support you. Find people who believe in and uplift you. Keep away from those who seek to drag you down and infect your life with negativity.

Self-Care Ideas for the Mind

22. Feed and expand your mind. Learn something new. Read up on different topics and open your mind to new perspectives. Enrich your understanding of the world.

23. Journal and self-reflect. Record your journey with self-care and write down your key discoveries. Reflect on your progress and feel proud.

24. Still your mind. Find a way to calm your mind each day. Meditation or mindfulness are two excellent practices. Pay attention to the present moment and get out of your thoughts.

25. Take a break from social media. Clear the stream of your mind for a few days. Give yourself a break from the comparison, egotism, and drama that stems from social media. Delete social media apps from your phone and spend time doing something else.

26. Create a routine for your day. The mind thrives with structure. Create clarity and order by setting in place clear habits and routines. Just ensure that you are flexible and allow these structures to shift and evolve through time as need be.

27. Create an achievements folder. Whether on your computer or in a physical folder, set aside a place where you can record all of your proudest moments. What obstacles have you overcome? What projects have you completed? What struggles have you managed to learn from? Record all of your successes to reflect on when you’re in a funk or feeling like a failure.

28. Simplify your to-do list. Ask yourself, “What is actually necessary?” Identify the things on your mental (or physical) to do list that are wasting space. Not everything is vital or important to do. Minimising what you have to get done can reduce a tremendous amount of stress. Use a technique such as the Eisenhower Matrix to assess what is vital vs. unimportant.

29. Put your phone on airplane mode. Airplane mode stops all calls, texts, and annoying distractions from interfering with your life. Free yourself temporarily each day from the mental slavery of perpetually checking your phone. For example, after 6 pm take a ‘mini holiday’ from your phone until the next morning.

30. Set yourself small, manageable goals. Set yourself one or two major things you want to accomplish each day that will bring you a sense of success or fulfilment. This could be as simple as cooking a nice meal to as big as writing a chapter in your book. Simply feeling like you’ve achieved one of your goals is a wonderful feeling that you can experience daily!

31. Do something outside of your comfort zone. Even if that means going a new route to work or walking your dog along a new street! Enjoy the sense of self-confidence and empowerment that comes from knowing you can do something a bit uncomfortable and different.

32. Set clear boundaries. Stand up for yourself and say “no” even if your voice shakes. Set clear limits on your time and energy. Safeguarding your energy is a form of self-care and self-respect. Give energy only to that which you consciously agree to invite into your life.

Self-Care Ideas for the Soul

33. Light a candle and watch the shifting light. Indulge in some relaxation with a scented candle. Watch the flickering of the light against the wall and connect with your inner self.

34. Ask for help and guidance.If you’re feeling confused, lost, sad, stressed or depressed, reach out to someone. Asking for help is a sign of courage and intelligence. Find a trusted friend, advisor or professional to help you out.

35. Connect with your soul’s guidance. There are countless ways to interact with your soul essence. Prayer, meditation, visualisation, oracle reading, and dream work are all fairly simple ways to get back in touch with your core.

36. Be receptive to beauty. Beauty opens and expands the soul. Beauty can intoxicate and fill you with awe. Find at least one beautiful thing every day to enchant you. Nature is an easy and nourishing place to find all things beautiful and wild.

37. Connect with another person. Find someone to have a heart-to-heart conversation with, even if that person is online. Express your deepest thoughts and feelings and reciprocate that with another who is on the same wavelength as you. Human connection, when it is authentic and raw, is uplifting to the soul.

38. Be your own best friend and soulmate. Treat yourself as you wish to be treated. Enjoy spending time with yourself and fall in love with who you are. Celebrate your messy humanity and divinity and the strange paradox of who you are.

39. Creatively express your deepest feelings. Write, draw, sculpt, scrapbook, paint, sing or dance your rawest feelings. Creatively express yourself in whatever way feels most appealing and natural. You don’t have to be an artist to do this! Self-expression and creativity are universal balms for the soul and have tremendous healing energy.

How to Use the Suggestions Above

Some final thoughts on the self-care suggestions I’ve just shared: pay attention to any that jump out at you. When reading through this list, which ideas tug at your attention? Focus on those first. Remember, there’s no need to rush! That would be contrary to the point of this article. So go at your own pace. Do as much or as little as feels comfortable to you. Most importantly, be consistent. Self-care is a habit and with a little stubbornness, it can become a wonderful way of life.

© Kate Grainger 2020. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Casey Carlisle with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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moonshinemornings · 4 years ago

Text

in my skin

i’ve been thinking about writing this for a long time, and I think I’m at a place where, more so than being comfortable talking about it, putting my thoughts down might help me continue to chip away at my complex.

I want to preface this by saying that my fixation on how my body looks is infuriating to even me. this is for 3 reasons:

1) there is an endless list of more important, broader existential crises to be concerned with instead of how I look (what am I heading towards? am I genuinely happy pursuing a capitalistic, societal definition of success? what is purpose or value in my life???)

2) even on an individual level, so many other aspects of a human make up their person and make them interesting other than how they look and its stupid to be so concerned with this one thing that means so little if anything at all

3) I’m not even that stupidly far away from societal beauty standards anyway wtf like stfu

regardless, I think my thoughts about my body are reflective of how I think about myself relative to the world in general. I’ve also found that the relationship I have with my body is often a symptom about how I am feeling about my self worth at a certain point in time, and also manifests in how I see and treat the people around me. for these reasons I think it can be valuable to unpack these feelings even though they may seem asinine.

the first time I became conscious of my body was in my primary school dance club, when we had to get measured for our costumes. most of my friends were generally skinny and I wasn’t significantly larger than any of them. but the nature of (chinese) dance and the kind of girls that joined it made the general impression that it was better to be lithe and delicate - the moves just looked better that way. the revelation that I wasn’t as thin as I could be was not groundbreaking. it didn’t trigger any immediately toxic thoughts either. it was just a thought I hadn’t had before, that my body wasn’t perfect. It also didn’t affect me much because I had a lot of good stuff going on in school; I had great friends, I did well in school, everything looked good on paper and in real life (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I peaked in primary school). so it wasn’t a huge trigger for anything, just a planting of a seed, I guess? dormant.

as I grew into my teens my body was often too busy serving its intended purposes for me to be concerned with how it looked. I played sports all the time, I woke up early and went to bed early (when possible). I ate well and I was active. It wasn’t difficult to be relatively fit, so I wasn’t really that concerned with how “good” my body looked. like all teens, I did become more concerned with standards of attractiveness and whether or not I conformed to them. I noticed how people’s bodies differed and what people liked. I was aware that I was not on the top of my teenage male acquaintance’s who-would-you-bang list, but it wasn’t that big of a deal. I wasn’t super pleased with my body but I definitely wasn’t unhappy with it. and frankly speaking, I didn’t think I was unattractive lah like ya I might not be hot shit but I was definitely not ugly and I was pretty confident with what I had to offer. this was probably also due to the fact that I did well in school and extra-curriculars, so I found my validation elsewhere.

for a short time between high school and college I had a body goal I wanted to work towards, time on my hands and a motivated support system, so I started working out for an aesthetic. It wasn’t super serious and there were no hard and fast rules, plus it was genuinely fun to work my body. I had been an athlete for several years at this point and I knew I felt good when my body was well-worked and maintained, so it was never difficult to bring myself to work out. the results were a happy bonus. looking back that was probably the time when I had the healthiest relationship with my body. I liked using it and spending time on it for the sake of doing it, I liked how it made me look but never to the extent that it became my main motivation for working on my body. if I had the luxury of unadulterated, stressless time, I could probably do it again. when I started college I was healthy, I looked good and I didn’t even care (we’ll come back to this).

when I started college things started to fall apart. my time in university was, overall, pretty shitty for my mental health. it was great in a lot of other aspects, and I can say with little doubt that it’s helped me grow into a person I not only want to be but am comfortable with. but the process was a shit show to put it lightly. when it comes to my relationship with how I look in particular, I think my years in London have unfortunately left me with a considerable amount of trauma. to make a long story short, I had an ideal of what I wanted my college experience to be like, but half a year into it I found myself severely unsatisfied with every aspect of my life. I wasn’t doing well in school, I felt like I was underperforming socially, I was conscious about the difference in affluence between me and the people around me and I was generally unhappy with the space I took up in my own and other people’s narratives. amidst all this, I put on some weight because (1) I wasn’t working out anywhere as much as I used to (2) the weather, my mental wellbeing and the food readily available made me eat a lot of junk. but instead of acknowledging and focusing on the underlying inferiority complexes that were eating away at me, I sought alternative validation through things I could seemingly control i.e. how I looked. it became the case that it was no longer that I looked a certain way because I worked out, but that I worked out because I wanted to look a certain way. and when I didn’t look a certain way because I was eating shit or going out or because it just plainly was not realistic given my living situation, the lack of validation would further aggravate the inferiority complexes and unhappiness with my person that started this toxicity to begin with. i ended first year treating the people around me like shit, not having anything to show for the hours of studying i put in, and a lot heavier than when I started it. family and friends pointed it out and i was pretty chill about it whenever it happened. i honestly thought i wasn’t that affected by it (again, brushing under the carpet the problems I had with the expectations I set for myself), and that i could lose the weight if i put my mind to it.

then in second year i developed an eating disorder. a couple months into second year I hadn’t made much progress with either my mental or physical health. I often ate till I was physically uncomfortable because I had a general problem with self control (I had none, in fact I didn’t want any, but that’s a story for another time). One night after eating too much, I went to brush my teeth and I was so full that when I gagged lightly from brushing my tongue, I involuntarily threw up the food that was filled up to my gullet. A normal person would’ve registered this as a cue that they should be more conscious about how much they’re eating. I saw it as an opportunity to eat as much as I wanted (for what?) and still be (or at least feel like I am) in control of how much weight I put on. and so I developed bulimia. the bulimia was closely followed by a binge eating disorder - seeing that now there was a mechanism to keep my intake in check, I could let my eating habits, which were in fact reflective of my control problems unravelling, go crazy. I told a couple friends about it because I thought maybe I needed help, but I never really told them how bad it could get. some nights I would go down into the kitchen in the middle of the night twice. thrice. seven times. I would look for anything I could inhale. cashews dipped in peanut butter. seaweed with a cup of yogurt. three packets of chips and a large slice of cake. instant noodles and jam straight out from the jar. it didn’t matter. it all ended up coming back out of my mouth and into the toilet bowl anyway. I would go out for meals with my friends and we would over-order. the paiseh pieces would be left on the plate and if no one wanted them, i would eat them. immediately afterwards I’d go to the restaurant washroom and throw it up. and all this time while I treated both food and my digestive tract like they were toys, my fixation on how I looked grew. spoiler: i did not lose weight from being bulimic. but I very much did lie to myself about it in order to keep at what was actually a coping mechanism for the rest of my life that was falling apart around me. I threw up everything I ate today, do I look different? I didn’t throw lunch up, but I worked out, so it should cancel out, does it show? I ate a salad but because for dinner we had baked rice I threw half of it up, it didn’t make me bloat did it?

towards the end of second year I had a rude awakening that forced me to drag myself out of the shit hole of a mindset I had casted myself into to address the personal issues and the lazy, irresponsible, selfish attitude that had gotten me to this point. luckily, when I dealt with the underlying dissatisfaction I felt towards myself, my problems with food disappeared along with it. right now I don’t have an unhealthy relationship with food. if i were being generous, I’d say it could even be considered pretty healthy. my relationship with my physical body is also pretty good. I eat balanced meals, I sleep well, I work out when I want to and lay in bed and eat junk when I want to. I don’t force myself to get activity in, I don’t force myself to eat more or eat less. in fact, I think I am really inching towards getting the intuitive eating and living thing down. I’ve lost some weight and I definitely don’t hate how I look anymore. so I think I am in a good place for the most part.

my relationship with body image and the validation I feel from how I look however, has been (permanently?) affected. as it stands, I am scared about two things.

first. I like the person I am right now. my life is not super in check, but I’m holding it down pretty well. but in the past two years, when i had nothing under control, the way I looked was the only measure with which i valued my worth. do I only place less emphasis on how I look right now because, like when I was in high school, I have other things going for me? if, come one day, life happens and the going gets tough, will I once again come down on myself because I don’t look perfect, even though I don’t look shit? will how I see my body and how I feel about it be affected every time something else in my life causes anxiety or unhappiness, and if that happens is there a risk of it starting a vicious circle of self-toxicity?

second. like I said, I don’t hate how I look right now. but I also don’t love it. since coming back home, after a shower or when I’m changing or whenever I’m deciding what to wear, I stand in front of the mirror, and I look into it for what I can tell is longer than I would like. I don’t give myself shit for how I look or dislike what I see. but why am I looking anyways? am i checking to see if i like my body any more or less today? why do I care? why should it matter how close or far I am to society and my own definition of an ideal body?

recently I watched a video that said despite the positive intentions of the body positivity movement, a better approach would be radical body acceptance. body positive says that even though I’m fatter or shorter or flatter or whatever-er than the beauty standard, I am still beautiful. radical body acceptance argues that words like fat or thin or flat or short or thin should just be neutral words. there is no good or bad linked to them and there is no good or bad body type. bodies are not “beautiful however they may look”. they are just bodies. I’m trying to strive towards this idea of body perception, to go back to a place of not caring how I look in and of itself or relative to anything else. how I look will just be how I look. to be clear, I don’t think this mindset is the best one that should be universally promoted. I do however think it is the best method for me. this is because I’ve found that ever since developing a fixation on my body and how it looks, sometimes when I see other people the things I take notice of most are their bodies as well. I don’t think I go as far as to assign worth to their person or character because of how their body looks, but I can tell that I’m developing a fixation on other people’s bodies (even if I don’t compare it to mine) and I feel like it subconsciously blocks a clear, genuine perception of them as people. and, of course, it feeds into my obsession about how I look. the more I care, the more I care. so I want to focus on caring less, and eventually not caring.

I would like for a day to come where I can put on clothes and not feel the need to change out of it because I don’t like how I look in something before leaving the house. I would like even more if I didn’t feel the need to look in the mirror before leaving to begin with. I would like to be able to not feel badly if someone points out I gained weight, but I would like even more to not feel happy because someone says I’ve lost weight. I would like to stalk fewer girls on instagram to see what their bodies look like in different photos. I would like to stop being concerned about how my body looks in different photos. I would like for a day to come where, whenever I’m not actively thinking about it, I forget how I look. slowly but surely, I will take steps to make this happen. it took a while to rebuild a healthy relationship with food, and then a healthy relationship with my physical body. surely it will take longer to rebuild the relationship with the image and idea of my body in my mind. I think the moment I forget the image exists will be the day I manage to do so.

#hello

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