#self-insert january 2017

[that-s-it]

Goodbye Mercair

On January 7th of 2017, i posted my first song ever. It was a shitty self-insert megalo that never got any likes and barely got listened to. But i didn't really make it to get popular, i knew at the time that that would never happen and i was okay with it, because i didn't make that song for that. That first song was my way of thanking this community for helping me so much during a grim part of my life, to thank YOU, Undertale/Deltarune fan just for being there, creating stuff, and making people happy... I wanted to pay back the happiness this community gave me, and it has been like that ever since.

But now i realize, after 7 years, that... I'm not needed here. Whether i'm here or not, people would still be happy. People would have banger songs to listen to and characters to obsese over, without me. And that's wonderful! I enjoy seeing people happy more than i enjoy seeing myself. Just like in real life too, i'm the kind of person that can disappear from earth, and almost nobody would notice. But it's not like i can blame them, in the last 7 years i've been here i barely talked to anybody, i barely interacted and i barely got any friends.

And also, i'll just never be able to pay my debts with this community. I owe you guys so much, but nothing of what i do will ever be enough, not for me at least. And now i just have nothing to offer. I have no new ideas, i'll have no way of composing in what seems like months at this point, and i just lost my motivation. I've ran out of excuses to justify my presence in this place.

But also, in all honesty... After 7 years of creating stuff, even though i told myself that i never did it for popularity... I just thought i would stop feeling like a nobody, and that i'd stop feeling jealous of everyone else's success on this community. Is that ungrateful of me? Am i being greedy and not appreciative enough of what i got? Honestly, that's another reason of why i decided to leave; i'm just so secretly jealous of every other famous person in this fandom, i just think it'd be unfair for you guys to have a person like me around here. Ungrateful, greedy, jealous.

So i decided it's just time. To give up. To leave.

Once i'm done writing this letter, it'll be over. I'll stop being a musician, and i'll stop being an artist too. But please don't be sad about that. I don't want you to be sad. I want you to keep being happy, living in this fandom, like always. Keep making banger tracks, keep making cool art whether it's of your favorite characters or your own awesome ocs, keep talking to your friends and the people who love you, and overall, just forget about me. Forget about all of this. All my creations, all my characters, songs and concepts, they're not worthy of your praise. But everyone else's stuff is. So please, don't remember me or else i won't be able to leave this place in peace.

And now, i guess the question people are more interested in right now is "What will happen to all your stuff then?" Well, as some may have noticed, i've already taken down all of my original tracks from my soundcloud account, except for the covers/songs i made for other people and collabs, which are still up, since they're either not my characters, or i just wasn't the only one that worked on it, and it would be unfair to delete it. The soundcloud account will soon go unnamed, and i'll erase any connection to me it has, so people will be able to listen to those songs, without my name in it. As for my Tumblr and Twitter account... I'm now debating on whether or not to delete them, or just do the same and erase my name from both of them. I also gotta point out the possibility of me regreting this decision, but even if i do, i'm most likely not coming back.

So that's it. But before i go, i want to apologize. For everything.

I'm sorry i wasn't the best at what i did.

I'm sorry if my music wasn't good enough to make you smile or bang your head to it.

I'm sorry if my artistic abilities never catched your eye.

I'm sorry that i was never able to make a character you could obsess over.

I'm sorry if i was just too awkward and unfunny when talking to you.

I'm sorry if i was never able to become your friend and be someone you could talk to on the daily.

And most of all, i'm sorry for thinking that i could be like you. That i could be one of you.

All of you are so talented... SO incredibly talented and such good people... You're all legitimatlly amazing, and don't let people tell you otherwise. You're all gonna do great stuff in the future with the skills you have now, i guarantee it.

Well, i have to go now.

Thank you. For everything, and for what you did for me so many years ago. Thanks to you, i managed to be happy for the last 7 years of my life.

Goodbye UTDR.

[val-selfships]

F/O # 1:

January 19, 2021 was when I finished his route in the game he's in for the first time! I've taken a BIG interest in him way back in 2017 but was too broke and didn't have the motivation to farm game currency at the time, so I eventually gave up.

Fast forward to being in the middle of lockdown I one day remembered him and the game he's in and I was so determined even after the price of unlocking the mode his route is in got higher

Selfshipping with him had its own ups and downs, on the first year I was questioning and looking for labels that describe my identity, was learning how to handle the jealousy of having to see so much oc/self-insert x canon with him even after blocking accounts and filtering tags. I even see one who selfships with him a lot have an actual wedding + commission artists left and right so I moved to a different f/o for a while before coming back to him. (What took me back: the first post I see of him one day is a drawing of him phonecalling mc/the player saying 'I love you' to them and bc I get some 'signs' or 'pretty specific stuff that almost feel like it's him making me see those' every now and then, it just fed into my delulu-ness)

Then around late 2022-2023 I started commissioning art and writing of him ✨

(Adding this here, I've also drawn him a lot and was my main source of motivation to draw for a long long while. One day maybe I can finally use a picture of him and stare at it without getting too flustered and end up not drawing anything)

Right now I still do love him even if it isn't as intense. I still think of him as my main f/o and he'd still be the first one I'd propose to if he magically became real. Some stuff happened for a year which made me constantly feel unloved by him but that's on me for not doing much about it either (or lack of energy idk)

He's pretty much my partner still and I still yearn to one day get so much merch of him

But yea anyways!

F/O # 2:

I had a MASSIVE crush on him back in 2015-2016. I even made my first OC because of him. I don't really make much stuff for that OC and don't anymore but last year I got a little interested in him again and plan to read fics of him sometime. I bought the game he is in which was what 2016 me has always wanted and because is was on sale. I now have another F/O from the same source but I still adore this F/O a lot as well. He's still full of secrets.

And another game he is in makes me smile whenever he says something funny. I playfully glare at the screen whenever he messes with the character the player is controlling because of course he would do Thing but of course I didn't expect it anyway.

Currently saving up and looking for artists to commission, have drawn selfship art of him like twice (excluding my really old arts of him and my OC from back then).

F/O #3:

My first f/o from when I was like 5 and didn't know what selfshipping was. He pops up in my mind every now and then, especially lately, and I have Ideas for writing and drawing for him. I can't find much fanart and fics of him anywhere though unfortunately. But might as well practice art and writing by making stuff about him!

F/O #4:

So like, they're like 3-in-1

Typing's starting to get a bit tiring but I've adored them since early 2022! Early 2024 was when I saw and animatic of them proposing to y/n which was super sweet, f/o #1 got a wedding illustration mid-2023 and like idk, I'm considering just making an au with f/O's 1 and 4 where I smooch them all in the same world I keep getting signs from posts I see skdjdb 💖

a special shout-out for selfshippers who have been loving their f/o(s) for years !! 🤍

you guys are truly one of the best kinds of people out there! your dedication and your overwhelming love for them are very admirable and inspiring.

loving someone so deeply that you stayed with them for years and still madly in love with each other through thick and thin. ♡

how long have you been in love with your f/o? tell us your story! (⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+

rbs encouraged!! ♡♡

[riecaloca]

saved this to my drafts to respond later when i had energy and then i forgot (i think i've seen this film before)

First of all, A+ gif usage, and funnily enough, the mcu fic i wrote was about Steve Rogers... *embarrassed face*

I think I started writing it right after Civil War came out and I saw it, and then I finished it like December or January of 2016/2017.

It was kind of a love triangle with steve rogers and natsaha romanoff fighting over the self-insert-oc i created during the events of civil war and after (when they went into hiding). it was literally shit because i was what, 13/14 when I was writing it, and sometimes i go over it and am like "why did anyone read this crap"

it's long deleted from quotev now, it only exists in my documents lol

Nah my lie was the potatoes thing. Unfortunately I paused reading that book for a while, but I am still reading it (as you would know of you were stalking me on goodreads)

Hmu with those stories of being doubled jointed though. I myself am what the doctors call "overly flexible," in reference to my ligaments. (also what do you mean you wrote mcu fanfiction?!)

It's exactly what it sounds like.

Opened this up randomly and i see this ask is from may 18th or something, so SORRY for not replying, i am SHIT at looking at asks mona you know this

what was the potatoes thing again? what book was it? lol i will, though the stories are mostly about making people HELLA uncomfortable. as a kid i'd be like "hey, look what i can do!" and show off my skills and adults would cringe and walk away lmao

uhhhhhhhhhhhh, i would deny writing mcu fanfic but i see i gave you evidence against that lie.... all i'm gonna say is that it was shit and you will never read it lmao though i might give you a cliff's notes summary of it if you want cause it's comical at least.

[abandoned-as-mustard]

I finally devised a timeline.

Edit: I've revised some of the dates, since Felix can't come before cat blanc because marinette's further attempt at telling adrien her feelings after Cat Blanc's failed. I don't even know why I'm still trying to make sense of this show.

So Felix arrives on the anniversary of emilie's coma in season 3. Meaning season 4 ephemeral is at least a year after that. Logically. But we know there's no logic here. 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

So I've come up with my own timeline that tries to at least accommodate "canon" (ignoring marinette mentioned as 14 still in dearest family. No she's not.) Some official days would have to be changed, though. Also seasons don't matter, since they clearly don't care about animating snow in January or February.

Emilie's coma: May 2015.

Season 1: September to October. Exception of dark Cupid. Chronology a mess, probably any order with exceptions of character that must be introduced before they reappear, and animan happening early because of Nino and alya.

Season 2: October 2015 to April 2016. Again, next to impossible to tell a chronological order. Marinette turns 14 in october in Befana, and that's the last time we see Lila.

Prime Queen actually happens later, after the Valentine's day kiss. We're pretending heroes' day is a month earlier, in April. Adrien finally wears the derby hat from season 1 in style queen. Around March, Paris floods and they figure out how to modify their powers.

Christmas special: December 2015.

Shanghai: April 2016.

Season 3: April to May 2016. Lila reappears in chamelion. The first ladybug movie comes out (ignoring the "3 years wasted" comment from Thomas' self insert.) Western Christianity celebrates the athanaesus name day on 2 May, but we can slide that over a few weeks. (it's probably actually the January day for France but let's ignore that.) Somewhere, Mr Pigeon is probably being akumatised at least once or twice a day. The oblivio kiss happens somewhere here. Chat Blanc appears mid May before Felix arrives. Marinette becomes guardian.

New York: June 2016 Mr pigeon has been akumatised for the 51st time. Miss Bustier is pregnant but continues to have a flat belly.

Season 4: June 2016 to April/May? 2017 (I haven't finished season 4 yet, I swear if the last 4 episodes throw this off I'll scream). Mr pigeon comes back for the 72nd time. Marinette turns 15 in October. Probably gets with Luka after new york in May or June (why would alya try to set up her friend that's already taken? Either that or she didn't know.) This way we can pretend that Qilin actually happens early on in late June, at least right after Mr Pigeon (because protective charm), it's "more than a month late for mother's day", because Qilin returns in Dearest Family for January. In early season 4, marinette is on holiday because school's out, but she's already broken up with Luka, and they were shown riding off together from school, which ends in July. Then dearest family happens in January, because of King's day is on the 12th day of Christmas (and I don't think we can change christmas can we?) Somewhere in this, glaciator 2 happens late 2016 because they're voted couple of the year with that photo. The sequel to the ladybug movie comes out around 2017.

And ephemeral is in April, 4 weeks shy (Because 52+52 = 104) of the anniversary of emilie's coma, the 100 week mark. In dearest family we're ignoring the fact that her relatives are arguing over her being 14 when grandma gives her the motorbike. Grandma still could've been there for her 15th party (or maybe they just remembered wong). Either way, given that this show stinks of retcon, I think we can retcon that dialogue easily.

Miss Bustier is either still pregnant or has already given birth. We can excuse her flat belly because the writers already think they can excuse logic.

Total passage of time from origins to season 4 end: 19-20 months.

And there ya go, this took me over an hour to write (and days to modify). Even if the writers then write an episode with marinette's 15th later, I'm just gonna pretend it's 16 because we know they can't count very well anyway.

[wandering-panacea-artblog]

Aristomenis(DORUmon) First Evolution line

My Digimon OC, Aristomenis the DORUmon, partner of my tamersona/self-insert Margarita Maganari. I have him from 2017 and use him for two Digimon groups on DeviantArt and Discord.

The first five forms of Aristomeni's evolution from left to right in the height chart are official digimon, the last one is original mega evolution which I am really proud.

From left to right:

Dodomon(Fresh) > Dorimon(In-Training) > DORUmon(Rookie) > DORUgamon(Champion) > Grademon(Ultimate) > *Atharraich DORUgoramon(Mega)

This is his first evolution line which took me a lot of time to finish, I made the drawings of the three big forms of Aristomenis on the right in the beginning of 2021 and finished them yesterday and today, the drawings of the three smaller forms on the left side of the height chart where made in January of 2020. Height Chart is from Spud133 from DeviantArt.

-Panacea

*Atharraich(Scot Gaelic)= Alter

Atharraich DORUgoramon is a combination of two Mega forms of the DORUmon evolution line, DORUgoramon and Death-X DORUgoramon.

Information of Aristomenis and his Tamer and Atharraich DORUgoramon's wing design under the cut:

[wandererharu]

; 𝖆 𝖌𝖔𝖆𝖙 𝖆𝖒𝖔𝖓𝖌𝖘𝖙 𝖒𝖊𝖓

“𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲”

“𝐈’𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝟑𝟎′𝐬 𝐧𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐞”

bar for bar, word for word, rhyme on rhyme, this is just a quote from an amazing rapper on his recent album “the off season”, the song “pride is the devil” it is a symbolism on how rappers grow on the roots of evil and the streets as they call it, and everyone somehow just fights and gets entanglement from everyone around them, especially those in success , in this case , the rapper enunciates how he is above 30 , and still prospering in life, which is not normal for them.

𝐉𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐞 [ j.cole ]

a rapper born and raised on North Carolina , U.S.A, age 36, born on January 29, 1985, well here comes the part where you think why him? why not out of all these people, i could have chosen Gandhi, Mandela, MLK, or other better and more well known famous people? simply because, J.cole is different, and no, i am not talking about any of his awards and accolades, im going to express why he is the chosen person for this article, and by the end , you’ll have a firm grip on my sight as well.

Jermaine cole is an icon, he is known by everyone in the rap and hip-hop industry, i stumbled upon his music by mid June 2017, and I was in awe, the first song or track i had listened to was “4 your eyez only” and by the title you would think it’s cliche, because a rap turned romance song? well that is indeed false, because the song is dedicated for his daughter, he explicitly talked through the story contemplating about being a young father, a rebellious teen, but you could feel the empathy and guilt, this rapper possess during that song a sense of fear of his life, which you could vividly hear from the song itself. and also fun fact when J.cole was writing the lyrics to this song, his producer said, he did not move from that spot he was in for 12 straight hours.

“𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐧𝐨 𝐩𝐬𝐲𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐜 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧, 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐲𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐜”

you could see the pain from the lyric, meaning that he was brought into this world in suffer, he lived through this world in suffer, but he had made it out of his own slumber.

"𝐢 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐠𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐭, 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐡 ----- 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭, 𝐝𝐨 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐝𝐫𝐮𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐠𝐨𝐧 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮"

well this is  my favourite J.cole lyrics of all time, all of his songs combined, no one compares to the might of this. the quote comes from the song, “sacrifices” and he was featured as the last rapper and acquitted with the last verse, well simply put, when a person is rich it has power and when you have power and money, no one dares to step on your decisions. it is just wild how J.Cole comes up with this stuff, the word usage, the beautification of words and story played and inserted into a song, made me realize how great this man really is, especially in showing out feelings in his songs.

i think you have’nt gotten any clear answer as to how relevant this man really is, allow me to change that, see jermaine was so humble that people who walks past him just non-chalantly at ease with him, because we know how celebrities are so passive when it comes to those things, guards that are 7 ft tall, 5 guards circling the celebrity, flaunting their gold chains and accessories, but as a huge fan of J.cole, he is more than that, he flaunts ideals, his charismatic attitude, his very down to earth nature is actually true, and many videos about him that are circulating the net, shows how good of a man J.Cole really is. 

might be thinking as well, why is the title, a goat amongst men? well in the industry there are alot of rappers right? some are bigtime righteous prolific artists, and those who are self proclaimed and self earned rappers, but J.Cole does not belong to any of those, he casually just lives his life to the fullest without entangling his life to any people around him, the slang (GOAT) means the greatest of all time, hence speaking it into existence, J.cole without a doubt not only because of his musics and albums but also his ideals as a person, and he never forgets his roots especially now, when he’s in top of the rap game and is showered in glory, in the end he is still, Jermaine Lamarr Cole

[discoveringenterprise]

“RYAN WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO?!” and other shit you might wonder

First off: I am so sorry for disappearing off of the face of the earth oh my god

Second off: I’m going on an indefinite hiatus as of Sundayish. Yes, you read that right, an indefinite hiatus. All the content on the blog will stay for our enjoyment, and I fully authorize use of my gifs anywhere and everywehre

Third off: if you’re struggling rn, shit gets better, PLEASE trust me on this.

TLDR of this post; I got better, so can you, and I’m heading out.

ENT GC: let me know if you want admin. Do what you want with the blog, and if you wanna make a new group chat, please do so since I won’t be around to add people.

How can I contact you/get your contact info before you go? Dallyn and Daphne have my contact info so if you ever need to reach me and I’m gone... yeah. Like I said, I’ll be heading out Sundayish, so I’ll periodically log in here if you wanna talk to me/get my info before I go.

What’s your actual name? That... that’s a long story, too. LMAO. Especially if you know me. DM me for the story if you know me.

Why are you leaving? So, as you guys know, I started college, which is completely and utterly whack. Everything is changed, everything is different and I have friends now? Like, WTF. I’ve been so wrapped up in work it took me forever to get on here after Dallyn texted me “your account got hacked” so... oops. I let everyone into the ent gc (oh my GOD i look back at that and have a love/hate relationship with it!) and let me know if you figure out a way to make admins on it??? I’m confused AF.

I’m going to be focusing off college and staying off Tumblr for a while. It was 2 am technically today and I was reading all my old posts like “jfc I was so depressed???” and now I’m just... not. I made friends, real friends, over the summer. People who understand and get it (and yes some of them are ent stans.)

Why did you disappear in May and why are you leaving again? Shortly put, and I don’t mean to sound mean, I made real friends. Real as in I will physically interact with them in real life (aka college friends). I kind of weaned off Tumblr slowly, and only kept going back for the ent gc (I LOVE YOU GUYS THOUGH!!!). And it kinda became a drag.

When I came back to Tumblr, it was like late January and early February. I’d just got out of the Instagram rping world and was so tempted to start one here, but I was scared and intimidated, and I’m glad I didn’t. Breaking off rp was the best thing I’d ever done for myself, and the best thing that this toxic girl ever did for me. My shitty mental health had been kinda dependent on this rp, it’s hard to explain, but I was being a jerk and kinda had been since freshman year with projecting my feelings onto my character’s and blurring the lines far too much between me and her. She was (and is!) still hella overpowered, hella perfect, and something that would absolutely never happen in canon.

Honestly, this whole situation was basically the lyrics to the song Clarity ft. Foxes by Zedd. I love that song, go give it a listen.

Point being, I got myself off of that once I realized. The problem had started in January 2017, ran through October 2017, and then took a hiatus until junior year but only started to really manifest itself in February 2019. And honestly, mainly when school started back, in September/October 2019 and lasted until January 4 when she and I had our last fight. (She messaged me again, later- here- and since making that post, we’ve ended things on neutral terms.)

So I came here. Tumblr. I’d been here in 2017 right after the OTHER rp ended, and I think Tumblr became my new outlet then, too. I was a baby in the middle of my freshman year then. And then there I was, coming full circle. As a senior in high school. I read all of my old posts about how I’d never make it, and there I was. I’d made it. The end of HS was in sight.

I straight up vibed through all of May. Now, I was slowly making friends in college already, but it only really took off in April and May, which is when I left. I focused more on those, building those connections. I loved you guys on Tumblr, I still do, but I was definitely going to meet these college friends. And as I pulled my head out of Tumblr, I got a job, an actual paying job , in June- and I was already gone.

As I looked back on my posts last night/this morning I was thinking “oh my GOD what the fuck” because jfc, Tumblr had turned into the place where I vented. And then as I got through the months, I became happier. The pandemic was around, duh, and I didn’t have as much school stressing me out, there wasn’t as much craziness around. I was free, I didn’t have people from high school to deal with, and I got better on my own.

YEAH, I was talking to a college guy. And yeah, that was nice, but it was more of a side thing. He was my friend, and he played me, but I learned to be myself. Learned to love Enterprise wildly and give absolutely no fucks.

And it is oh so nice to give zero fucks. It’s an amazing feeling. I hope everyone gets there someday. And yeah, I’ve had moments where people don’t like me, and moments where I’ve felt down, depressed. That’s not saying life is always perfect 100% of the time.

But what I’m trying to say is: it gets better. And to me, Tumblr was like a crutch. Sometimes you need it to help you stand, but when you think you always need it, and can stand on your own, that’s where the problem is. In May, I became confident enough to let the crutch go. And I’m thankful that I did that.

I still love you guys, everyone reading this post, the people that know me and are going to miss me. It’s not that I hate this website or anything- I just stopped using it as a crutch, you know?

Where can I read this crazy fanfic? DM me, haha. It’s the classic “self-insert but NOT a self-insert” fanfiction originating form a fifth grade idea, reformatted by my depressed fourteen-year-old self. And I wouldn’t change it for the world. Yes, it’s Star Trek.

I also have one for the girl’s relative, too, which IMO is much better. She’s less overpowered, more of a real human being.

So why mention the fanfic and RP? It’s weird; I’ve come full circle. I wanted to be this perfect girl, and then I planned how she’d finish her story (and I’m finishing it. I am, I promise, because she’s a part of me that I wouldn’t trade for anything). As I’ve taken a break from the E/AP-verse (my public nickname for it haha, someone found out here) I’ve realized again, I came full circle.

All I wanted back then was to be happy and I thought a guy would do it. Popularity, a bunch of friends, a “hot body” (btw FUCK BODY SHAMING and you’re all perfect) and all that BS that the media tells you. What really gives you happiness (or at least me)? Confidence. The fact that I know I have friends I can count on here. Yeah, a relationship is nice, but complete yourself before you get into one.

And when I planned my OC’s ending back in February, that’s what she got. She’s married in my head now, to her (and my!) perfect guy, but the important part is that she’s happy, and she’s herself before she got married. Before she got in her relationship.

So, yeah. I think that covers it. In all honesty, if you have more questions, send them to the ask box and I’ll tag them and all this as “ry’s goodbye” and update my nav page. It’s 12:39 AM so please excuse any typos!

Bye, guys. For now, at least.

I love you.

[thesevillereport]

In Focus: GameStop

There may be no better feeling for a business owner than seeing a large demographic start to shift in your favor. For example, a company that specializes in faux fur or faux leather couches had to be excited when more of the society started to care about the treatment of animals and nature. Chipotle's market value increased as more Americans became health conscious, and began to question and analyze what they ate.

For video game companies the numbers started to look really really good in the early 2000s. At that time, a population of people who started playing video games on the Nintendo Entertainment System back in the 80s were beginning to graduate college and enter the "real world." A good portion of that generation, Generation X, still played video games, and now they were going to be able to financially support their own gaming habits. No more relying on mom and dad for games.

This was going to be a huge windfall of profits for gaming companies. My self for instance, by the mid 2000s, I could comfortably afford to purchase a few brand new games a month, and maybe more if I decided to cut back on something. Gaming companies were looking forward to this, and it's continued growth as more young adults stayed connected to gaming. GameStop (GME)

created a hiccup in the grand plan of the gaming companies by allowing gamers to buy and trade pre-owned games.

If you aren't aware of how it works, a customer walks into GameStop a week or two after a game is released, and asks for that game title, the GameStop employee by default sells them a pre-owned version of that game, unless the customer specifically requests a new game.

Through GameStop, brand new games were bought, played, and then sold back to GameStop. GameStop would then resell the game for a profit to another gamer, and the gaming companies only saw money from the first sale of their brand new game. To couple insult with injury, for game titles that were really in demand, GameStop would sell those used titles for only slightly less than the cost of a brand new copy.

GameStop circumvented billions of dollars from gaming manufacturers. Instead of someone like me buying two new games a month, I was often buying two used games a month, and only buying a new game when I was compelled to play a game right away, which wasn't often, because the real world left me with little time for gaming.

Operation Get Them The F*ck Out of Here

By the late 2000s and early 2010s the gaming companies had had enough of GameStop. As the Xbox One and PS4 were in the works, one of the issues both Microsoft (MSFT) and Sony (SNE) took on together was how to stop or slow the pre-owned game market.

The easy answer was to stop producing physical games, and instead just make everything digital. That ideal at the time would have mimicked the music industry, which had seen CDs all but disappear, but video games are much larger files than a full length Jay-Z album, and digital storage was getting cheaper, but it wasn't cheap at that time. Also, the internet infrastructure was still sketchy in many places around the world, and not everyone had access to high speed internet. A full game download over a bad internet connection could take hours to complete.

Microsoft flirted with an idea of a digital lock that would bound one game to one system, making it impossible for the game to be played on any other system after it was played on and matched to its host system.

Essentially, the GameStop problem was solved by gaming companies creating downloadable content or DLC. Now gaming companies sell to consumers what they say is a completed game, but then charges the consumer to make character upgrades or obtain tools that can make the game play easier or more fun. DLCs are purchased while playing the game, and have allowed game companies to get even more money out of consumers ($60 to purchase the game, and then more money spent on DLC), and it's caused gamers to keep games longer, because DLCs can extend the life of a game by adding difference levels and challenges, which again, the gamer has to pay for to access.

In addition to the DLC, the rise of smartphone gaming has been a thorn in the side of GameStop. Also, digital space is now the cheapest it's ever been, making digitally distributed games an option for gamers. Both Sony and Microsoft's newest consoles come in versions especially made for digitally distributed games. In these models, there is no CD drive to insert a physical game.

DLC, mobile gaming, and digitally distributed games together has been able severely hurt GameStop's stock price. In late 2013 the stock was trading above $55 per share, and it entered 2020 trading at under $6 per share, an 89% drop in a little over six years.

GameStop 2021

Today it appears GameStop's stock has gotten it's swagger back. The stock closed last week at $65.01, it even halted trading on Friday January 22, 2021 due to the volatility in the stock. Traders ran the stock up to as high as $77 per share on the day.

The GameStop's hype started last summer when Chewy (CHWY) co-founder Ryan Cohen's investment firm RC Ventures bought a 9% stake in GameStop. In the past week Cohen secured a board seat at GameStop, which played a big part in the week long rally in GameStop's stock.

Cohen helped build Chewy into a real player in the pet care space, which prompted PetSmart to acquire the company for over $3 billion. Investors are looking to Cohen to do it again, but this time with GameStop.

There's also a massive short squeeze that played out, that also contributed to the rocket-like rise in GameStop's stock price. The short squeeze occurred when investors who were short GameStop had to buy the stock to cover their positions as the stock price started increasing. The rapid buying of GME by short sellers to cut losses or prevent bigger losses helped to drive the stock price higher. A Barron's article suggests that GameStop short sellers have lost nearly $3 billion betting against the stock in 2021, ouch.

My Concern

My concern about the newfound love for GameStop centers around the company's problem, and what investors believe is GameStop's problem. Chewy has been applauded for its ability to survive against Amazon (AMZN)

(It's too early to say they've beaten Amazon). Because GameStop is considered a brick-and-mortar retailer, I believe investors see Amazon as the problem, which is understandable because Amazon is the problem for most brick-and-mortar retailers. Unfortunately, Amazon is not GameStop's biggest problem, and I say unfortunately because GameStop's problem is much bigger.

GameStop is disliked by the gaming industry. They're the partner none of the other partners care for. EA, Sony, Microsoft, Ubisoft, TakeTwo, Activision, they all win big with GameStop gone. With GameStop as we know it now gone, the plan I discussed earlier goes back into motion, and video game playing adults are back to buying new games all of the time, with a few going to eBay for pre-owned games. How does Cohen and his firm fix this issue?

Personally I'm out on this one, I'll watch it all play out from the sidelines. We won big shorting GameStop back in 2017, but I'm not ready to short it here. Investors should beware here at $65 per share. If you believe you see a solid pathway towards success for GameStop, and you believe that pathway leads to the company being worth more than $4 billion, then by all means, invest a way. To me, at this price level, it feels that the best possible plans for GameStop have already been incorporated into the stock price, not leaving much value to invest in at this time.

[rj-selfship]

Info Post

F/O List

Mycroft Holmes (BBC Sherlock) (since mid-April of 2017)

Greg Lestrade (BBC Sherlock) (since mid-January of 2021) (I said in my intro post that he's a really recent one)

Ship Names

Rycroft (RJ/MH) (an actual name I found on a baby name app when looking for my own dang name lol)

Rystrade (RJ/GL) (not really ripping off Mystrade - my actual first name is Ryan, so it works gdi)

Rycroftstrade (RJ/MH/GL) (kinda hastily thrown together lol but idc)

Emojis/Symbols/Nicknames (b/c I love nicknames)

MH - 🌂, My

GL - ⚜️, G

RJ - π, RJ (the pi may be in purple, depending on if I remember to do it)

Types of Content

Reblogged ask lists, and answers to those

Random shippy stuff probably

Maybe a tiny bit of NSFW? I am an adult (22), though I'm also asexual... but I also have little "AUs" where there are NSFW activities. All NSFW will be tagged as such if it is posted

Maybe some art and little bits of writing. Any art will probably be doodles, suck horribly, or be sucky doodles.

DNI

The usual list.

Other

Unlike some others, I'm not comfortable sharing F/Os. I won't be rude about it, I won't say anything (unless forced to), just... I get very very attached to people and even canon ships with my F/Os make me upset (with the recent exception of Mystrade, because that's my ship just without me)

I frequently just use abbreviations to refer to characters - initials, usually - so I may forget to change that between drafting and posting a post, just warning you. Nicknames will also probably be used very frequently in the "random shippy posts"/ship "updates" (i.e., we went to Walmart or something, lol)

I'm not really used to talking about my selfshipping as if it's actually me in the ship, since I've been writing self-insert fics forever atp and I'm used to referring to my S/I as a separate character from me, but I'm working on it.

It's a full-on polyship. We're all in love. They are annoyed by my inability to sleep rn and I'm getting at least one weird look for being on my phone at like six in the morning.

I may come up with more ship names later, and the F/O list will likely become an actual blog page, but I'm on mobile rn and I don't feel like going down to my desk to use my laptop for anything.

~RJ

[starqueen87]

October 4, 1951: Henrietta Lacks died from cervical cancer at Johns Hopkins Hospital.

Henrietta Lacks was an African-American woman who was the unwitting source of cells (from her cancerous tumor) which were cultured by George Otto Gey to create the 1st known human immortal cell line for medical research.

This is now known as the HeLa cell line.

In 1955 HeLa cells were the 1st human cells successfully cloned.

HBO announced in 2010 that Oprah Winfrey and Alan Ball were developing a film project based on Skloot's book, and in 2016 filming commenced, with Winfrey in the leading role of Deborah Lacks, Henrietta's daughter.

The film The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks was released in 2017.

DIAGNOSIS:

On January 29, 1951, Henrietta went to Johns Hopkins Hospital because she felt a knot inside her. It all started when she asked her cousins to feel her belly, asking if they felt the lump that she did. Her cousins assumed correctly that she was pregnant. But, after giving birth to her fifth child, Joseph, Henrietta started bleeding abnormally and profusely. Her local doctor tested her for syphilis, which came back negative, and referred her to Johns Hopkins.

Johns Hopkins was their only choice for a hospital, since it was the only one in proximity to them that treated black patients. Howard Jones, her new doctor, examined Henrietta and the lump in her cervix. It was like nothing he had ever seen before. He cut off a small part of the tumor and sent it to the pathology lab. Soon after, Jones discovered she had a malignant epidermoid carcinoma of the cervix Stage 1 (cervical cancer).

Lacks was treated with radium tube inserts, which were sewn in place. After several days in place, the tubes were removed and she was released from Johns Hopkins with instructions to return for X-ray treatments as a follow-up. During her radiation treatments for the tumor, two samples of Henrietta's cervix were removed— a healthy part and a cancerous part— without her permission. The cells from her cervix were given to Dr. George Otto Gey. These cells would eventually become the HeLa immortal cell line, a commonly used cell line in biomedical research.

Lacks returned for the X-ray treatments. However, her condition worsened and the Hopkins doctors treated her with antibiotics, thinking that her problem might be complicated by an underlying venereal disease (she had neurosyphilis and presented with acute gonorrhea at one point as well).

DEATH:

In significant pain and without improvement, Lacks returned to Hopkins on August 8th for a treatment session but asked to be admitted. She remained at the hospital until her death.

Though she received treatment and blood transfusions, she died of uremic poisoning on October 4, 1951, at 12:30 A.M. at the age of 31. A subsequent partial autopsy showed that the cancer had metastasized throughout her body.

BURIAL:

Henrietta Lacks was buried without a tombstone in a family cemetery in Lackstown, a part of Clover in Halifax County, Virginia. Her exact burial location is not known, although the family believes it is within feet of her mother's gravesite. Lackstown is the name of the land that has been held by the (black) Lacks family since they received it from the (white) Lacks family, who had owned the ancestors of the black Lackses when slavery was legal. Many members of the black Lacks family were also descended from the white Lacks family. A row of boxwoods separates the graves of whites from those of the blacks buried in the family cemetery. For decades, Henrietta Lacks' mother has had the only tombstone of the five graves in the family cemetery in Lackstown.

In 2010, however, Dr. Roland Pattillo of the Morehouse School of Medicine donated a headstone for Lacks after reading The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. The headstone, which is shaped like a book, her grandchildren wrote her epitaph:

"Henrietta Lacks August 01, 1920 – October 04, 1951

In loving memory of a phenomenal woman, wife and mother who touched the lives of many. Here lies Henrietta Lacks (HeLa). Her immortal cells will continue to help mankind forever. Eternal Love and Admiration, From Your Family"

RECOGNITION & LEGACY:

●In 1996, Morehouse School of Medicine in Atlanta, the state of Georgia and the mayor of Atlanta recognized the late Henrietta Lacks' family for her posthumous contributions to medicine and health research.

●Her life was commemorated annually by Turners Station residents for a few years after Morehouse's commemoration.

●A congressional resolution in her honor was presented by Robert Ehrlich following soon after the first commemoration of her, her family, and her contributions to science in Turners Station.

●Events in the Turners Station's community have also commemorated the contributions of others including Mary Kubicek, the laboratory assistant who discovered that HeLa cells lived outside the body, as well as Dr. Gey and his nurse wife, Margaret Gey, who together after over 20 years of attempts were eventually able to grow human cells outside of the body.

●In 2011, Morgan State University granted her a posthumous honorary degree.

●On September 14, 2011, the Board of Directors of Washington ESD 114 Evergreen School District chose to name a new health and bioscience high school in her honor. The new school, scheduled to open in the fall of 2013, will be named Henrietta Lacks Health and Bioscience High School. "It is such an honor to name our new school after a person who so impacted the world of medicine and science," said school board member Victoria Bradford, who also served on the naming committee. "It is also a privilege to be the first organization to publicly memorialize Henrietta Lacks by naming this school building after her."

●October 11, in Atlanta, Georgia, is Henrietta Lacks' Day

IN THE MEDIA:

■In 1998, a one-hour BBC documentary on Lacks and HeLa directed by Adam Curtis, won the Best Science and Nature Documentary at the San Francisco International Film Festival. Immediately following the film's airing in 1997, an article on HeLa cells, Lacks, and her family was published by reporter Jacques Kelly in The Baltimore Sun.

■In the 1990s, the Dundalk Eagle published the first article on her in a newspaper in Baltimore City and Baltimore County, and it continues to announce upcoming local commemorative activities.

■The Lacks family was also honored at the Smithsonian Institution.

■In 2001, it was announced that the National Foundation for Cancer Research would be honoring "the late Henrietta Lacks for the contributions made to cancer research and modern medicine" on September 14. Because of the events of September 11, 2001, the event was canceled.

■In 2000 Mal Webb released a CD with a song about Lacks called Helen Lane.

■In her 2010 book, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, Rebecca Skloot documents the histories of both the HeLa cell line and the Lacks family. Henrietta's husband, David Lacks, was told little following her death. Suspicions fueled by racial issues prevalent in the South (see Night Doctors) were compounded by issues of class and education. For their part, members of the Lacks family were kept in the dark about the existence of the tissue line. When its existence was revealed in two articles written in March 1976 by Michael Rogers, one in the Detroit Free Press and one in Rolling Stone, family members were confused about how Henrietta's cells could have been taken without consent and how they could still be alive 25 years after her death.

■In May 2010, The Virginian-Pilot published two articles on Lacks, HeLa, and her family.

■On May 17, 2010, NBC ran a fictionalized version of Lacks' story on Law & Order, titled "Immortal". An article in Slate called the episode "shockingly close to the true story."

■On May 31, 2011 Jello Biafra and the Guantanamo School of Medicine released the CD Enhanced Methods of Questioning with a song about Henrietta Lacks and the HeLa immortal cell line called "The Cells That Will Not Die".

■In May of 2012, self-proclaimed "Middle Eastern-psych-snap-gospel" band Yeasayer officially released "Henrietta", the first single from their third album "Fragrant World". Lead singer Chris Keating reports that Henrietta Lacks' legacy inspired the creation of this song.

LAW & ETHICS:

◆Neither Lacks nor her family gave her physician permission to harvest the cells. At that time, permission was neither required nor customarily sought. The cells were later commercialized.

◆In the 1980s, family medical records were published without family consent.

◆In March 2013, German researchers published the DNA code, or genome, of a strain of HeLa cells without permission from the Lacks family. This issue and Mrs. Lacks' situation was brought up in the Supreme Court of California case of Moore v. Regents of the University of California. On July 9, 1990, the court ruled that a person's discarded tissue and cells are not their property and can be commercialized.

◆In August 2013, an agreement by the family and the National Institutes of Health was announced that gave the family some control over access to the cells' DNA code and a promise of acknowledgement in scientific papers. In addition, two family members will join a six-member committee which will regulate access to the code.

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

Even before COVID so much needless horror happened since January 2017, but if you look at 170k dead in 5 months and still self-righteously proclaim how you won’t vote because [insert excuse here], I think nothing can convince you. You’re a stupid asshole, in that order.

[ashiiblack]

Year in Review 2019

Total word count: 

Total fics written: 24 (a LOT of these are less than 1k)

Fandoms written in: BNHA, Yuri!!! on Ice, Harry Potter, Free!, and MCU

Chronological list of fics (in the order posted on AO3, not written)

Romance at the Roasted Bean (Harry/Draco, T, 1k) - Draco has a secret admirer.

Start With a Cold Brew (Victor/Yuri P, E, 5k) - Coffee Shop AU (this was technically written in 2018 but was in its exclusivity period for Victurio Anthology)

the music plays bitter, plays sweet (Harry/Draco, M, 1k) - Angsty with a hopeful ending of Harry’s marriage to Ginny ending.

The Taste of Something Different (Harry/Draco, T, 1k) - Harry is getting increasingly frustrated with his Auror partner’s inability to get him the right food.

Shining Bright (JJ/Yuri, T, 5k) - Five times JJ fails at asking out Yuri and the one time he succeeds (another 2018 fic in exclusivity for YOI Litmag).

The 80th Floor (Kirishima/Bakugou, M, 1k) - A deleted scene from the BNHA movie answering the question of how krbk ended up on the 80th floor.

Scars You Can’t See (Kirishima/Bakugou, G, 300 words) - Kirishima trying to comfort Bakugou after Kamino.

Strawberries (on your lips) (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 900 words) - Studying with Kirishima turns into something unexpected.

The Bakugou Problem (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 2k) - The Bakusquad decide to get Kirishima and Bakugou to date. Chaos ensues.

Fate Can Suck It (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 3k) - Soulmate AU

I’ll unfold before you (Kirishima/Bakugou, E, 2k) - Post BNHA movie (and a sort of sequel to The 80th Floor)

Morning Light (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 400 words) - After their first night together, Kirishima wakes up with Bakugou in his arms.

the fear of seeing death without ever loving you (Steve/Tony, E, 3k) - Steve returns the stones to their proper place but can’t help but see Tony one last time.

Truths in Letters (Harry/Draco, T, 5k) - Harry and Draco participate in a Guess the Penfriend inter-house unity game with interesting results. Epistolary fic written with just_another_loser.

Win-Win (Kirishima/Bakugou, E, 1500 words) - Bakugou likes that Kirishima can take his blasts. Kirishima just likes Bakugou.

Dare Me (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 1500 words) - Uraraka gives Bakugou a dare. Eijirou isn’t sure what to think of it.

First Date (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 1k) - Going from best friends to boyfriends isn’t the smoothest transition, but Bakugou and Kirishima make it work. (fun fact - this fic is based on @icicle33‘s Sims characters).

so good to be yours (Makoto/Haru, E, 2k) - Makoto visits Sydney while Haru is at a training camp for the Olympics. While things are awkward at first, they find their rhythm together again.

The Note (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 1500 words) - Kirishima leaves a note to Bakugou on his desk confessing his crush to him. Humor and misunderstandings ensue.

everyday i want more of you (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 2k) - Seven somewhat connected 300 word drabbles written for Chill November. Basically all krbk fluff.

Out of the Slipstream (Kirishima/Bakugou, E, 15k) - The professional road cycling AU no one asked for but I wrote it anyway.

Beauty, Like the Night (Iida/Aoyama, M, 10k) - A classic example of having to write the fic you want to read. Iida has a crush on Aoyama but it isn’t proper for a future hero to lust after his classmates.

Spark (Endeavor/Hawks, E, 2k) - When what Keigo thinks is a casual hookup suddenly becomes something more.

There’s also a week’s worth of BNHA Fluff Week Drabbles I wrote in June.

From my past year of writing…

My best story of this year: Honestly, probably my Stony fic. I was so raw after Endgame and this fic was screaming to be written. My most popular story of this year (by kudos, comments or notes): Stony again. One of those rare times I agree with stats.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Take a chance on The Note? It’s only 1500 words. Most fun story to write: Beauty, Like the Night. Iidayama is my favorite rare ship and I fucking love Iida so much. Hardest story to write: Probably my cycling au. After thinking about this fic for so long, I really got in my head about it and didn’t feel like anything was good enough. Biggest disappointment: My drarry fics have been pretty off as of late. It doesn’t help when I have krbk basically always on my mind. Biggest surprise: Fun fact - I’m not a big fan of soulmate au tropes so I was pretty surprised Fate Can Suck It was so well received lmao. Honestly though I’ve warmed up to the genre since I wrote this one.

Most unintentionally telling story: Probably Stony again. I usually self insert into Tony but this time I went way into Steve.

Favorite Opening Lines: “We have a problem.” The Bakugou Problem

Favorite Closing Lines: “For now, they can sleep.” the fear of seeing death without ever loving you

Reflection time Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? I wrote a lot less. My goal was 100k and I ended up just shy of 65k. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? BNHA/Kiribaku/Endhawks. I fell pretty hard for krbk at the end of the first season then came the sports festival and their beautiful ship moments just kept coming. Endhawks I have no excuse other than they’re hot af together and so much opportunity for angst with feelings. What’s your own favorite story of the year? Dude idk. A lot of what I wrote was fun ficlets. I’m gonna have to go with either my cycling AU or iidayama. I know I said I struggled with the cycling au but I’m fairly happy with how it turned out. Did you take any writing risks this year? Not exactly. The Stony was definitely different from my usual style. Do you have any fanfic goals for the new year? Gonna shoot for 100k for 2020 again. I’m doing the Tododeku Big Bang and then I have two Kiribaku ideas I’m going to write. One will be a oneshot and the other will likely be a longer fic. I’d also like to do some sort of drabble event because I really enjoy the challenge with a limited word count.

Decade wrapped

If you’re still with me, I want to briefly reflect on my decade of fanfiction. I’ve been writing fic since 2002 but I fell in and out of it through high school. I didn’t really get back into writing until 2010 toward the very end of college. I met @icicle33 thru ffnet at the end of 2011 and she introduced me to LJ events and fests and exchanges and my writing style developed a ton. I fell out of it a bit in the middle of the decade but came back in full force in 2017 (thanks again in large part to Icicle), especially once I joined YOI fandom. In this decade, I’ve written/posted roughly 600k words (I feel like the distinction is important because I also have about 100k of unposted WIP/outline/nonsense). I’ve made friends, enemies, laughed, cried, met multiple fandom friends irl including my darling @phaytesworld and Icicle, modded and written for zines, and so much more. Writing has always been a way for me to explore a different side of myself, to play in a sandbox with no stakes. I can’t imagine where I would be without it. Here’s to another 10 years and you can bet in 2029 my old ass will still be writing. Should the world have ended by then, you can find me in hell writing porn.

[chimbu617]

A HTTYD Micro Memoir of the Past Ten Years

     It was 2010. I was 8. I just moved to a new town and as someone who was bad at trying to talk to people, I spent all my free time in my imagination and/or with my brother. He was my best friend and we did everything together.      My parents weren't big on going to theaters especially with an 8 and 12-year-old. So whenever we watched the newest, latest movie it was always through Red Box, they somehow always got for free. They rented two movies. I don't remember how they picked them out, if it was their or mine and my brother's choice. One night, after dinner, they popped in a disc and played the movie for us. I vividly remember how I felt sitting in our faux leather couch, cuddled up with a blanket in a dark room, focused on the movie.      The camera swoops in over a vast ocean in the dead of night. Pillers of stone carvings extruded out of the water with fire burning inside the mouths. In the distance, a beautiful island inhabited with wooden shacks. Small specs of fire can be seen in the village. Over this is a voice-over by the lead character, "This is Berk." A line that will follow me throughout the next 10 years of my life.      I spent the rest of that year dreaming of owning a terrible terror and have a friend to explore my world with. Of course, that was virtually impossible. Jump to 2012. I was 11. The first episode of Dragons: Riders of Berk aired. My brother and I begged our parents to record the series and we watched it religiously. We jumped into my bed turned on my tv and grew immensely excited for this world we both developed a love for.      I remember how I watched Heather first be introduced and immediately hating her character from the moment she was on screen. I created a self insert character where "I" washed up onto berk after a shipwreck with amnesia. I always thought that Heather stole my premise and then ruined it by betraying the main characters. I now enjoy her character and look back on my childish foolishness.      I guess my mom at some point stopped recording the show after my brother moved out and I grew out of the show, but not the fandom. 2013, I was 12 and just started 7th grade. The teaser trailer of the second movie came out and I watched it with awe. I was conflicted by the redesign of Hiccup yet I probably watched that trailer more times than I could count. I met my best friend and we both spent our time in science class drawing. She convinced me to start drawing actually. I spent that time drawing and watching crack compilations for Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons.      I never stopped my love for the world despite not having a lot of content to fill in the void in my heart. I ended up teaching myself Viking/Celtic runes, so I could read the text in the movie and show. It was 2014 when I taught one of my friends in my 8th grade English class the runes so we could pass notes in class. We wrote notes that absolutely made no sense but had so much fun knowing that we were the only ones who understood it. Our teacher caught us passing the note and took it from us. The look on her face was priceless. She looked frustrated and confused. She gave us a baffled look and continued on with class without a word.      I wasn't able to watch the second movie in the theater either. I ended up pirating it off some streaming site. I laughed and cried. At his death, my parents came in to ask if I was ok.      Several weeks after my 14th birthday in 2015, Race to the Edge's first season was released onto Netflix. I ended up binging all of Riders of Berk and Defenders of Berks in a few nights. I cried when I saw Stoick alive again and revived my undying love for this franchise.      January of 2016, my brother called me and asked if I had seen the new season of Race to the Edge. I ended up watching only a few episodes before falling out of interest in the series.     In December of 2017, I decided to catch up with the show. I would wake up, go to school, go home, did homework, binge as many episodes as I could and repeat. Soon after I finished it was 2018 and the new and last season was released. I had my friend come over to spend the night and I straight up said "Sorry, but I want to watch this" and she had to sit there and watch the show without any context of prior seasons. For Halloween that year that same friend and I ended up dressing up as Hiccup and Jack Frost. My mom gave me a stuffed toothless she was holding for Christmas for my costume. Some older lady told me she liked my plush cat.      When I found out about The Hidden World coming out my friend group and I decided to go see it in theaters. I accidentally overslept that day and rushed to the theaters where my friends were waiting. One of them ended up buying a ticket for me, refusing to accept my money when I offered to pay him back. There aren't words to describe my emotions in those few seconds the Dreamworks logo played. I was excited at being able to finally see one of the movies in the franchise in theaters. Although I started to feel my heart being pulled apart by tiny strings attached to the muscle. I then realized in that small amount of time that, this was it. This was the end. No more. That everything I watched, learned, waited for was for this moment. The dragon classes and types I learned, the runes I used, the music I would close my eyes to and imagine I was in a different world, and the reality in front of me ever since I was a child that I could never live in this world. It was all in front of me.      The movie played, and sure I laughed at Tuff, watched in awe at the beautiful plant and sand animation, cried at their parting, and rejoiced at their reunion. As I left the theaters though I couldn't help but think, "It was better than expected but not as good as I hoped". Whenever someone asked me my thoughts of the movie I would tell them those exact words. Looking back now, I don't know what I hoped for it to be. A happier ending? No, I came into this expecting the loss of dragons. A more interesting villain? I can't think of any better villain for the context of the scenario. I left it as such. I hoped for better yet knew not of what I hoped for.     It was winter break in 2019 and I left my dorm to go home and visit my family. The first night I was back my mom said she recorded something for me. I sat in the recliner as my cat snuggled into my lap and my mom started up Homecoming. I appreciated the fact that my parents haven't seen the second or third movie, yet sat through Homecoming with no context for me. This last Thursday, the 19th of March, I was working on my theater assignment mid-quarantine and randomly had the desire to watch Ratatouille. As I finished the film it reminded me of How to Train Your Dragon. With the whole human and animal bond that overcomes the differences between the two species to work together. I ended up wanting to watch the film again. As I watched it, I thought to myself, just the first movie, right? As I started The Hidden World, I thought to myself, just the movies, right? As I started Riders of Berk, I thought to myself, just the pre-time skip series, right? As I started Race to the Edge, I thought to myself, I need to drop my Biology course since I'm gonna fail.      When I rewatched the third movie all my original doubts on the film vanished. At the end when Hiccup decided to let Toothless go, I didn't cry. But, when Hiccup tells us, the viewer, that dragons were waiting for us to get along, I sobbed, more than I did any other time watching the entire series in the last 10 years. I realized two completely separate things. We as humans will never earn the right to have dragons, as we will never get our crap together. We are filled with corrupted morals and mindsets and will ruin everything and anything we get ahold of. The second thing was something I experienced earlier. Though I was afraid of the end I was so used to things claiming to be over and then the creators ending up making more for a cash grab. In that moment of watching 30-year-old Hiccup throw his son into the air, I realized that this was it. This was the end. The end of the movie, the end of the story, and the end of a large part of my childhood.      When I graduated high school I cried in my car after our practice run. I was growing up and I would have to be leaving everything I had known until then behind. It was Troll Hunters a series I started before I moved into my dorm that helped me calm down and move into a new place. It helped me understand that I can't just change and leave what I love behind. I can take it with me beyond this line I drew myself. The past few days changed that though. I couldn't take my beloved world across the line with me. It will forever be chained into my past as something I can look back on yet have no expectations for any future with it. I cried because there was nothing in my hands that I could do to keep what I loved with me. But, with Stoick's words "With love comes loss, that's part of the deal. Sometimes it hurts, but in the end, it's all worth it."      Thank you How to Train Your Dragon. You have given me so much. More than I could say. More than I know. We have grown up together, but now it's time for both of us to move on. Time for me to let you go.

Whoever stuck around until the end, thank you. I felt I had to write this as my fingers were itching for it. This is just a first draft but I doubt I’m ever coming back to this. I wanted to do something for the anniversary but like I said I didnt start getting back into httyd until the last 2 weeks and I just found out. I wrote this in like 2-3 hours, and I’m suprised at myself for powering through it. I’m still working on writing personal memoir pieces so excuse my skills. Anyways thank you again and Happy Ten Year Anniversary HTTYD!

[tycoons-official]

♛Ｔｙｃｏｏｎｓ♛

.•♫•♬•Ａｌｂｕｍ Ｄｅｔａｉｌｓ•♫•♬•.

• Tycoons' self-titled debut album 'Tycoons The Album' was released on the 3rd of January, 2017, 07:00AM KST.

• JYP released two trailers for the music video a month prior to the release date, however they didn't attract too much attention as they were first advertised like regular ads that would appear on most YouTube videos, sometimes even other JYP idols' music videos to maybe draw a bit more interest, as the trailers uploaded on JYP Entertainment's YouTube channel did not do so well as expected, at first. Although this, once the album and official music video came out, people started realizing that 'Tycoons' was actually a group and began drawing in a huge crowd.

• The album focuses a lot on storytelling, through music and lyrics, telling the day-to-day life of two siblings taking over their family's money wagering, illegal weapon dealing empire within the vast Mafia and how they run operations as well as the drama that will commence throughout half of the album.

• The album starts with catchy hip hop beats and dance/house trap drops, giving a sort of Stray Kids vibe to it. As the album goes on though, the lyrics and mood start to take on a more emotional tone and meaning. Just as the mood changes, Tyke and Carmen's [the Characters] lives are changing along with it.

• A majority of the songs in the album are written by both members of Tycoons [and the music video is also partially directed by them since the CEO was curious as to how this duo plans to start off their careers after training for a good amount of time] and most of the music [in the album and the music video] was also made and produced by Tycoons themselves.

• 'Tycoons: The Album' was a success, initially selling a total of 1.7 million copies in Korea and 1.65 million internationally within the first week and a half of so. But when the album began gaining some traction, the numbers spiked to 3.18 million copies in Korea and over 4.19 million copies internationally by early February.

.•♫•♬•Ｔｒａｃｋｌｉｓｔ•♫•♬•.

▄︻̷̿┻̿═━一 25 minutes & 20 seconds

• MAFIA

• 우리는 (We Are)

• Hands Up

• GSW

• Heir

• 만족하니? (Are You Satisfied?)

• Losing It

• Fire With Fire

• Outro: The End

.•♫•♬•Ｓｏｎｇ Ａｎａｌｙｓｉｓ•♫•♬•.

1. MAFIA - ⏱ 4:05 - Title track

'MAFIA' is the title track of the album as well as the first track in the lineup of Tycoons' debut album. It is also the only song in the album that got a whole music video dedicated to it. Being that the album was written and co-produced by Tycoons themselves, they wanted this album to tell a story; to be the first chapter of their characters' stories and build up on their development as they evolve and grow in the music industry. They promoted the album, the title track and it's B-side heavily, going on several interviews, TV and music shows for 3 weeks straight, all at once [though Tycoons themselves quote en quote 'didn't mind the busy schedule, as they have been preparing all their trainee lives for this moment', courtesy of Carmen].

'MAFIA' is a song about the 'dangers' of the Mafia world and how they rose to the top with sheer resilience and smarts, as well as available weaponry and other form of utility such as soldiers. Tyke and Carmen the characters describe a glimpse in their life in a line taken from Carmen's rap verse:

'in this dangerous place

where Alphas roam wild

one shot dead in the streets

echoing cries for miles and miles

with blood dripping on their face

as they lie cold there like a stone

truly a beautiful chaos

this is home; how we live our lives'

The song is hits hard with a hip hop style dance beat, an interesting use of common synths, a fresh twist on melodies that are often used, heard and reused, and carries an intense tone throughout the whole song. Added to that the ranging high and low notes that Tyke hits, especially in the bridge, and Carmen's consistent deep growls in the rap verses. Said factors when merged create this harmonious yet unpredictable title track that would be considered 'perfect to set the tone', as Tyke puts it. Fans often compare this song to the style of Stray Kids' and BAP's music, and although some people say that this is the 'least JYP' JYP song ever according to some fans, Tycoons have confessed to have let the company add their flair to this song, so it's safe to say that it was an even game when it came to producing.

There were also special effects to the song to amp up it's chilling vibe. For example, throughout the song, there would be gunshot fire sounds inserted, as expected from a group with a dark concept, however fans pointed out that as the song reached it's climax, the shot sounds start condescending to the point where it even tricks some people into believing that there was an actual gun fired next to them, and therefore have them either scared or even more in love with the song. This effect however was not the only sound [or even visual] effect inserted into the track; in the official music video, Tycoons are shown to present almost everything you'd want in a perfect music video; great clothing choices, beautiful sets and decor, a nice harmony of dark and bright colors throughout, flattering camera angles and lighting, makeup and filters galore, only to then show the Characters' reality, showing various ruined sets littered with blood, dead bodies, empty bullet cannisters and bloody knives on the floors, yelps of pain, stab sounds and the final groans after getting shot, make the atmosphere even more spine chilling.

Critics praised this title track for it's unique concept, style and visuals, however they added that there could've been a more clear trigger warning before the MV starts, as it could easily trigger a younger audience. So to appease them, the company temporarily took the video down to add an extra 10 second trigger warning clip accompanied with a subtle rain sound effect that goes well with the beginning of the MV where Tyke and Carmen are seen walking through the gloom streets while it's raining.

2. 우리는 (We Are) - ⏱ 3:46 - B-side

'우리는' or 'We Are' in English is the next song in the tracklist as well as the album's B-side track. 우리는 Is mostly written by Tyke, therefore it's fairly vocal heavy for the most part, however he does give his sister Carmen the bridge and the last verse of the song to rap, but the rest is Tyke. It's a more story telling song that has a much softer, but more mysterious vibe to it. This song doubles as a deeper look into Tycoons' Characters' backstory as well as a song that shows off Tyke's light and clear contratenor voice with the occasional sassy run as well as stable vibratos and falsettos.

The song carries a nostalgic feeling, as if you've heard this song before some other place or time in your life, but not exactly in the way one'd originally think. It has a sad-ish tone, despite having happy nostalgia inducing guitar, piano, a variety of classical instruments, hip-hoppy snare and slightly lighter trap drops, that is meant to symbolize Tycoons' not-so-happy childhood that is the consequence of their family joining the Mafia.

Overall, the song has a fairly light hearted tune with variety and a nicer, clearer beat compared to it's title track, however if you look at the lyrics and analyze them, they hold a much darker meaning:

'you can't run

you can't hide

hold your breath

close your eyes

turn your ear to the sky

you're not safe here anymore

this is who we are, now

who we are, now'

The unsettlingness of the lyrics combined with the strategic classical orchestration make for a song that's meant to feel like, quote en quote 'a false security blanket that shields you from the actual good reality, or even a blindfold that makes you see everything in life with a different filter', courtesy of Tyke.

This song isn't exactly a favorite of the people, therefore dubbing it 'under appreciated' or 'underrated' by Capos, however critics applaud this song as much as it's title track for the same factors, but they have less critiques for this song as there wasn't any music video, however for some critics, the sense of false security and lack of straightforwardness was not exactly their cup of tea.

3. Hands Up - ⏱ 3:25 - Inizio

The third track in the album is titled 'Hands Up' and is the introduction to Carmen's [the character] personality and role in her and her brother's business. This track is mostly written by Carmen and contains mostly rap verses, with Tyke included briefly in the chorus, the bridge and as backing vocals to go with Carmen's raps. 'Hands Up' is has traces of inspiration from hip-hop songs, with it's more uppity, 'in your face' beats.

The story, or message, this song is trying to convey is to never disrespect those whom have helped you and built you up and explain the diligence and perseverance you are going to need in order to survive in the Mafia industry, and that once you think you got there, that means you still have ways to go, or to put it in Carmen's words; 'Don't get too comfortable, life can take 10 steps ahead of you just like that.'

The bold beats and sassy lyrics can be quite jarring to some, but the song overall is very well received by Capos and music critics alike. Although a minority of Capos did make an argument about 'Hands Up' being a better B-side track for 'Tycoons the Album' than '우리는', however this dispute is easily dismissed by favor over the idea of "'우리는' and 'Hands Up' being equally great overall, but '우리는' is a B-side for a reason that we don't know yet/we will have to speculate more on to know why", given by K-pop commentary channels such as KPOP Junkee and Korea Scouter TV.

The topic of respect and being respectful is heavily mentioned in the song and due to this, some Capos said that 'it almost seemed like they were demanding respect' and this ideology was shared around with a portion of the fandom, however Tycoons responded to this issue by saying that they only wanted to portray their characters, not the actual people themselves.

4. GSW - ⏱ 3:02 - Continuazione

'GSW', short for 'Gun shot wound' is the next song in the tracklist and another hip hop dance song in the whole album. 'GSW' is co-written by Tycoons and this song carries a more JYP style of music for the group, but with that said, the JYP 'signature style' was definitely beneficial for Tycoons' versatility in music styles. What makes this track different is the lack of lyrics and the main focus on the dance aspect that goes with the track.

The music was intense like the title track and had a variety of different musical tones incorporated, like at some points of the song there could be a more deep atmosphere and in others it could be softer, or faster, or sad. Though the song may be lacking in lyrics, it compensates for a complicated, but amazing choreography. The only verses in the song are the first pre-chorus, chorus and bridge, and these verses are fairly brief;

'just when you think there's a settled score

the battle has just reborn

comes swift like an avalanche

come to steal what you just got back

at your back like a loaded gun

and the night has just begun

steady now breathe, breathe'

This song took the longest to practice in terms of dance. According to Tyke, he stated that they've had to practice this dance longer than any of the other song's dances combined. The choreography is much harder and more technically challenging, and it also involves the usage of various props as well as stage actors to accompany Tycoons in their action sequences throughout the dance. The CEO even opted to postpone the actual date of their debut because of how challenging this dance was, as he had doubts that the group could actually meet the deadline. But hard work and dedication pulled through and the duo clearly succeeded through all the hours of work.

5. Heir - ⏱ 4:45 - Conflitto

The song 'Heir' is sort of like the climax of the album. This is when the tone of the song shifts to a more calmer, simpler tunes and faster timing with more room to add story telling lyrics and catchy raps. Tyke and Carmen worked on this song together and therefore rapping-to-singing ratio is pretty equal, and their inspiration for this album can really be sensed here, or at least that's what they think anyway. At the beginning, this song sounds quite to 'MAFIA' because of how Tycoons' characters are connected to the person next in line to their 'throne' but they found out something was wrong and they go searching for her. Shown briefly in the music video, this 'heir' is a baby, almost a toddler, who's sleeping in a crib inside a dark nursery but the scene is shown to flicker to a clip of people in full black outfits taking them away, resembling a kidnapping.

In the music video for 'MAFIA' we briefly get video shots of Carmen turning around to face the camera angle with a distraught expression before running towards a hallway as if rushing to get something, and Capos think that this is Carmen running to save her 'heir.' Tycoons soon confirm the rumors surrounding this mysterious heir however didn't drop every detail, but did mention said heir's name; Chloe.

The song itself is intense just like it's title track, but with added drama and theatrics by an orchestral pre-chorus and followed by another dirty dubstep/trap drop and bridge. The classic parts meant to symbolize going back to the classics, where king and queen take care of their heirs as they rule their kingdom, but by the end of the song the orchestra melody doesn't complete itself and loop, instead for the last 5 seconds of the song, it's heard glitching and skipping certain beats before eventually quieting down.

This strategic, but harmonious symphony of classical and trap genres seems to be the critics' favorite and it definitely made sense for Capos to enjoy it just as much. However some added that the drop sounded too much like 'MAFIA' and when put side by side, they almost have the exact same notes. Tycoons took to answer this predicament right away, explaining that, though taking care of children aren't the characters, Tyke or Carmen's, front suit, their heir still plays a role in their journey to the top, by being more careful, thought out and responsive to anything, and eventually the crowd died down.

6. 만족하니? (Are You Satisfied?) - ⏱ 4:30 - Calore de momento

'만족하니?' or 'Are You Satisfied?' in English is the 6th song in the tracklist and right off the bat is a rap-heavy trap style song, going back to harsh, dirty beats and Carmen's growly voice. This song is meant to represent the heat of the moment and a continuation of the previous song 'Heir', after they realize that the next generation of their 'royal family' was taken from them. Carmen wrote this song feeling her own anger to the horrible people present in her life as a child, and after some fine tuning from Tyke so it doesn't sound too much like a diss track [though according to some fans, it still does], the lyrics to the song can really convey how angry and angry [and rather sadistic] their characters were over loosing their 'heir':

'you think this is fun?

that this is all just a game?

well I'll tell you this now, you pricks

that you'll regret this mess you made (yuh)

you've dug yourself deep in a hole

where we will throw you a rope

and drag your body to your neighborhood

and cut you open wide!

does that sound good?

are you satisfied now?'

The rather horrifying lyrics of this song and the glitchy sound effects added makes it one of the least favorite songs in the album to fans, along with 'Losing It', but as the internet is known for divided opinions and constant fighting over the slightest things, Capos were no different. One side said that this song was okay and 'the others who can't stand the lyrics are actual babies', quoted from one Capo, and 'the other' side of the fandom just did not appreciate the gory lyrics and 'would just listen to the album without this song overall', quoted from another Capo.

Critics also agreed that this track and 'Losing It' in particular could've been less gory, however they did understand why Tycoons wanted to make it so that it would sound sadistic and scary and all that, even if it was their least favorite song concept. Tyke quickly defended himself and his sister by stating that they wanted the album to be raw and true to their characters' personalities and the storyline, and at the end of the day it was just some lyrics in a song that shouldn't be taken too seriously. Some people saw this as Tycoons' over-involvement with their fanbase and turned them away from the group but a couple of them have since returned to being a Capo after realizing that the reason why Tycoons called them their 'Capos' is because of their wish to be engaging with their fandom and that they were forgetful to the meaning of the name in the first place.

7. Losing It - ⏱ 2:04 - Climax

'Losing It' is the very next song and yet again, a continuation of the previous song '만족하니?' but unlike the last one, 'Losing It' is much calmer but at the same time, was just sinister and a little vocal heavy. The song was one of the quieter songs in the album but kept that deep and mysterious aspect about it, which made fans appreciate this track more than the previous one. In this song, Tyke really showed that he can rock to a quicker paced song as well as a slower one, as 'Losing It's melody incorporated a few transitions from a fast paced beat to a slower beat.

The electro synths and more vocally challenging melody and high notes made this song one of the hardest songs to sing in the album, if not the hardest song to sing in the album. It was more of a ballad with the occasional trap build up leading to a softer EDM drop as per usual. The song's varying speeds also made it a challenge to sing as you first go up high, then low, then mid-range before climbing back up again and several different variations of this pattern were incorporated so no verse sounded the same, nor did it have the same lyrics. Speaking of, the lyrics to the song describe the disappointment and shame the characters had to go through when they found out their family member had been kidnapped and it includes a few hints pointing towards Tyke's depression really helping out during this song [even though it was actually written by Carmen since Tyke was depressed when the song was written, so his low mood helped this song convey the sadness and frustration properly]

8. Fire With Fire - ⏱ 2:50 - Vendetta

'Fire With Fire' is the finale of the album, and though it may be only less than 3 minutes, the song holds a deep passionate beat and had probably the most memorable ending drops throughout the whole album. Mirroring 'GSW', 'Fire With Fire' was dance dominated with a few lyrics, but due to its short length, the choreography was more complicated and faster paced, 'ending with a bang' as Tyke would say. And though the choreography wasn't as complicated as 'GSW', and did not need any props, it was definitely just as tiring, according to Carmen.

Capos compare the drop to that of Stray Kids' 'Miroh' for it's electro house instruments but broken down, it doesn't sound too similar, though people managed to merge the two songs together to create a song that even Tycoons listen to and they gave the person that made the first remix a very well deserved shout-out.

9. Outro: The End - ⏱ 1:14 - La fine (per ora)

The outro song wasn't originally needed in the album but Tycoons added it in there to add some hype on the next album coming up as well as a quick sneak peak and Capos and the rest of the world were definitely excited for what's to come

.•♫•♬•Ａｃｃｏｍｐｌｉｓｈｍｅｎｔｓ•♫•♬•.

• 'Tycoons The Album' was nominated for album of the year at the MAMAs 2017 however did not win.

• Tycoons themselves won Best New Artist of the Year at the same event as well as 3 other music show awards; from the MGMAs, AAAs and Soribada;

• 'MAFIA' won Song of the Year at the MGMAs and Tycoons won Rookie of the Year at the AAAs and New Artist of the Year at Soribada.

• 'MAFIA' peaked at #5 place on the MelOn chart, #6 place on the Gaon chart, #8 place on both Soribada and iTunes Top 10 and #39 on the Billboard hot 100.

• '우리는' made it to #18 on the MelOn chart and dropped to #20, #17 on Gaon, and #16 on iTunes Top 20

• 'Hands Up', 'GSW' and 'Heir' made it to #49, #50, and #52 on the Billboard hot 100 charts. But jumped to #35, #38, [surpassing their title track] and #40 and stayed there.

• 'GSW' was actually nominated for Best M/F Dance Performance at MAMAs but unfortunately did not place.

.•♫•♬•Ｅｘｔｒａｓ•♫•♬•.

• Carmen has a painting that eventually became the official cover of the physical album and the company's design team thought 'why not put that design to good use', since Carmen already did the work for them, and she didn't mind them using her design, as she was credited in the back of the album as well as inside the photo book. Where there were photos taken of her actually recreating the cover painting on canvas while wearing her *ⁱᶜᵒⁿⁱᶜ* elbow-length-sleeved shin-length black skintight dress, long cherry red satin gloves, matching-color kitten heels and beret in the 'boudoir' set [also featured in the music video].

[lgciseul-blog]

don’t let that gif fool you because this byun iseul right here is a clown™, but that put aside for now, hello! i’m your resident trash for pikachu, so i made iseul an even bigger trash. before you ask, yes, his voice reached that high-pitched pikachu voice after years of training. and he’s shameless. this character is a self-insert, you’ve been forewarned— i exposed myself too much. whale, whale, if you’d like to plot something with this pikachu enthusiast ( me, not iseul ), please like this so i can come running to your im’s. i also have discord if that’s easier for you, so if you’d prefer that medium, feel free to im me with your username and i’ll add you right away!

tl;dr about iseul, he’s a chaebol in disguise. he was born as a ‘99 liner in melbourne, raised a bit in seoul, raised a bit in melbourne, raised a bit in seoul again until he entered the company as a trainee in january 2017. he attended snu for a bit until last year. he’s in a gap year period right now to focus more on his training, but he’s also still frolicking to avoid stress. he sings and dances, and also beatboxes. rapping is eh but he’ll survive. performance is a-ok++. he plays drum, is bilingual. another secret ammunition is his high-pitch after those years training to become pikachu’s voice actor. he’s very easygoing, shameless, sometimes easy to jokingly be bullied. not seriously, though — if that’s the case he has smol fists to fight like a meanie. all dynamics are welcome for him, especially if you’re into pokémon. he allegedly spends what little is left of his free time to play pokémon let’s go pikachu. your variety show material right here, would do anything to entertain. would come off as a tryhard at times. hit me up for more dose of this wreckage, and we’ll come up with something together!

[migleefulmoments]

This is a brilliant self assessment from someone who was obsessed with Jake Gyllenhaal. She wrote a blog post every week about Jake but after 11 months, she had enough self awareness to realize the trouble she was getting into.  Please read the entire piece -but here are the highlights” 

A year ago, I started writing a weekly newsletter about the life and times of actor Jake Gyllenhaal. The newsletter followed what he said, what he wore, where we went, who he saw, and how other people reacted to it on the internet.

Here is everything I learned.

1. BEING AN OBSESSIVE FAN WILL COST A LOT OF MONEY

Once in a while, it occurred to me that my fandom constituted labor — sifting through Google News alerts, transcribing lengthy interviews, writing film criticism, and cordoning off half of my Saturday to think about Jake G — and that I was usually paying for the privilege of performing it.w. BEING AN OBSESSIVE FAN WILL BECOME YOUR DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT

2. BEING AN OBSESSIVE FAN WILL BECOME YOUR DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT

3. BEING AN OBSESSIVE FAN WILL OFTEN DISAPPOINT YOU

I wouldn’t have noticed these things if I hadn’t been paying an absurd amount of attention to Jake Gyllenhaal, reading Google Alerts and scrolling through hundreds of tweets each day. It made me sad and tired to know so much. It was easy to extrapolate and decide that any person would fail me if I looked at them too hard.

“They say not to meet your heroes or your celebrity crushes, but I think another piece of valid advice would be not to pay too close attention to anyone for months at a time — they will disappoint or bore you.

4. BEING AN OBSESSIVE FAN WILL FEEL LIKE BEING IN LOVE WITH A STRANGER

There is no obvious answer to the question “What does anyone get out of principled fascination and one-sided communication with a celebrity?”

The relationship between average people and celebrities (or fictional characters) is often described as being “parasocial,” meaning that we can feel and experience their words as though they’re being spoken to us one-on-one, even if they’re being broadcast to audience of millions. This is how I wrote in the Jake Gyllenhaal newsletter, as though the book or sneaker or dog park he chose was a secret message to me. “Just once, I wish Jake would find a way to communicate with me in a code that I could prove,” I complained. Investing time in a character or celebrity can feel like investing time in a relationship, even if we don’t actually know these people. These relationships can be enjoyable and real in certain ways that count — investing time in people is good for you and investing time in someone who will not outright hurt you, ever, is a rare experience for any person. But talking to someone who will not talk back can also make you feel like you’re losing your mind.

Jake Gyllenhaal is someone I’ve both never met or spent a lot of time with, and he’s also one of my most labor-intensive relationships. A little more than halfway through my year of fandom, I wrote, “Jake is of course, not my crush, nor my parent, nor an inanimate object. He is his own thing, and a figment of my imagination. He is a person, but I made him up.

5. BEING IN AN OBSESSIVE FANDOM FEELS BETTER THAN GOING IT ALONE

It felt better to have a shared fascination.

By talking about Jake Gyllenhaal with the people who wrote to me or tweeted at me, I could start to figure out, to borrow a phrase, “where my rational mind had gone.” Or, I could decide that my rational mind hadn’t gone anywhere; we all have infatuations and fascinations we can’t explain in a satisfying way, even to ourselves.

6. lBEING AN OBSESSIVE FAN WILL MAKE YOU A BETTER PERSON?

The day I started the Jake Gyllenhaal newsletter, I was 22 years old ....Jake’s life and work was a filter for other things that I was obsessing over: gender disparities in Hollywood; the horrible political climate; a boy; a song; a longing to make valuable art. Fandoms can be “temporary or permanent,” says Zoe Fraade-Blanar in Superfandom: How Our Obsessions are Changing What We Buy and Who We Are, “but they are always timely.” Jake went to the Women’s March in Washington with me in January (half-literally). In September, shortly after I got my feelings hurt by some dude, Jake talked about how he’s never lonely because he has himself. 

Jake Gyllenhaal, was useful to me, Fraade-Blanar would argue, because popular culture — including celebrities — represents “modern mythologies.” They’re “the stories that tell us how we should approach the world right now, at this point in our personal history.” My year of obsessive fandom allowed me to make up stories about someone and insert myself into them. It put me where people who were going to be nice to me could find me. I don’t know if it made me a better person, but it forced me to think much harder about what makes fandom worthwhile and sometimes necessary.

My relationship with Jake Gyllenhaal has been thoroughly explained to me, by me, with the help of a bunch of internet strangers, and so it isn’t so necessary to comment on it week after week.

He’s a figment of my imagination. He’s a person, and I made him up. He disappointed me, but I love him.