#self-indulgent aroace imaginings under the cut

[shrekgogurt]

My brain has not been very kind to me recently so I have not had the chance to write much aside from half-heartedly dragging myself through my writing heavy coursework. I have been so exhausted and anxious and honestly quite sad that even imagining little stories in my head takes too much energy. In short, things are not great over in my swamp.

Nevertheless, here are precisely six new sentences from chapter three of Escape to Space (Simon’s POV):

His face steels into nothingness again. Why does he keep doing that? What is going on inside his head? He’s locked down like a jewelry safe, designed not to easily open. I try the Niamh trick—investigating his eyes—but they’re impenetrable. I would hate to play him at poker.

Self-Indulgent Rant & Tags under the cut:

For real though…my self-talk has been atrocious. I’ve convinced myself everyone in my life secretly hates me and that I’m bad at all my crafts. I may in fact be in my Wayward Son era which is pitiful because I mean…I didn’t kill my dad or lose my magic. But…do I ever want to get out of bed????? No, that shit is cozy!!!!! And I know it’s me self-sabotaging. And I know deep down I’m capable of all the things and I’m not totally unloveable. However, I can’t bring myself to believe it enough to kickstart the inertia which drives me CRAZY. Like girl, why aren’t you doing your work when you could just…do your work??????????? Why don’t you believe people want to actually spend time with you when they’re spending time with you????????????? What’s! Not! Clicking!? I guess…you know what they say… I Shouldn’t Ghost My Therapist

Thank for the tags today and this past week @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @martsonmars @fatalfangirl @captain-aralias @technetiumai @larkral @palimpsessed @ileadacharmedlife @thewholelemon @basiltonbutliketheherb @artsyunderstudy @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @onepintobean @ivelovedhimthroughworse @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @aristocratic-otter @confused-bi-queer + a bonus @raenestee simply because I adore you. I’m sorry if I don’t know some of y’all well and forced you to wade through my whining.

[aceyugiohdreamer]

I will not apologize for scrolling through the Aki Izayoi tag and reblogging a bunch of old posts that caught my eye 🖤🌹🩸🍁🍂🖤

But I will say this:

While I was scrolling, I came across a post cruelly tagged as “faithshipping” that said something like “imagine all the plot potential 5Ds could have had if Yusei had rejected Aki”.  And I’m confused because:

1) like what? how would that have affected the story as it exists at all?

and 2) what about 5Ds gives you the impression that he “accepted” her, or that faithshipping was that crucial as part of the story?

They didn’t end up quote “together” in the end (of on-screen canon at least), despite all the clear and intentional signs that they had a strong canon relationship. To say that Yusei “rejecting” her would do something implies that the opposite actually happened, and I would love to live in that universe. But this isn’t it.

The anime left their relationship completely inconclusive to an unsatisfying degree.

MY feeling is that 5Ds would have had a lot of great plot potential if their relationship had actually been developed in a central and interesting way.

Like, just at the most basic level, imagine how amazing it would have been if the second half of the series had really delved into Aki’s recovery from all those years of being ostracized and feared by society, from the trauma of feeling rejected by her family and the emotional struggle of reintegrating into their life after reuniting with them.

Imagine Neo Domino’s society having to deal with its fear of people with those kinds of powers and Aki’s role in that social shift.

Imagine watching her actually learning to use her powers in new and creative ways, rather than being stripped of them by the plot, and struggling with fears that her powers could still be dangerous and tied to her “dark side”, which she isn’t sure she wants to let go of yet because it helped her survive for so long.

And through the whole thing, Yusei is there to support her and help her learn to trust others and herself, to accept recovery and forgiveness, to change and grow into her own person.

You know, everything they completely skipped over and side-stepped in the anime by turning her into a fucking moe damsel out of fucking nowhere and killing everything that made her an interesting character.

And while personally I don’t need faithshipping to be “romantic”, there is just so much there in the first half that sets up their relationship to be deep and intimate and beautiful and healthy. (and god we need more healthy relationships in media, so like, I am dying for this)

And the fact that someone would suggest it got the development it deserved, when it absolutely did not, and that going in the opposite direction would be more interesting somehow, just really really pisses me off.

.

.

And you know what? Fuck it, I’m gonna get even more self-indulgent.

Yusei gives me such huge aro vibes, so what if part of their relationship dynamic involved Yusei trying to figure out his feelings for Aki and it’s hard because social norms don’t give him enough to work with.

Like, he knows he feels a strong, invaluable connection with her, but he doesn’t know if it’s “romantic” the way other people would understand or expect it to be. And he doesn’t know if it’s the exact same way Aki feels about him (assuming her feelings are even “romantic” in the first place), so he’s not sure if getting into a relationship-relationship with her is the right choice because he doesn’t know if it would be fair to do that if he can’t give her what (he thinks) she wants.

But then as they get closer, they decide it doesn’t matter if what they feel is “romance” or not, and that it’s ok to be a “couple” in whatever sense feels right to them. They get to define their own relationship, because it’s theirs.

And so maybe they don’t do some romantic-coded things like kiss or cuddle or go on romance-themed dates, but they spend lots of time together, even when they’re working on their own independent hobbies, and talk for hours and hours, and stargaze together, and hold hands, and duel passionately with and against each other, and ride their D-wheels together, and banter, and joke, and go on fun dates to try out new things, and support each other in their career goals.

And maybe everyone makes (wrong) assumptions about them, about what their relationship is (or should be) like, and what they do in private, but they don’t let it bother them because all that matters is that they’re happy together with their own way of doing things.

And if they get married, it’s because it would be a fun event to have with their friends where they have an excuse to dress up really nice and fancy, but it wouldn’t really change anything about the state of their relationship.

That’s the kind of aromantic asexual queerplatonic content I’d kill to see! (because of course my imagined universes don’t have sex, that’s just a given)

[pookalukaa]

Paint Me

A Spencer Reid Fanfic

your friendly AroAce brings you a fanfic that is so self indulgent

Pairing: Spencer Reid x GenderNeutral Artist!Reader

Warnings: sexual innuendos but no actions further than kissing, and Spence is shirtless

Word Count: 1.9k

Your short nails grazed his goose-bumped covered back.

You envisioned what you would do to it as if it were the canvas that you usually painted, which were now forgotten, leaned against the wall of your living room.

You now sat on the floor with your boyfriend between your legs, with his back facing you.

You can feel his muscles tensing as you drag your hand along his back, no doubt was he thinking about something inappropriate. 

But you were simply there to paint.

And Spencer had offered to be the canvas.

---------------------------------

“paint on me?” he asked with puppy-like eyes

You were startled by his question. Did I mishear him?

You looked up from your sketchbook, coming up with ideas and thumbnails for your next exhibition, your large canvases were prepped and ready for paint

“you mean paint you?” you asked with a tilt of your head 

You knew he probably said what he meant; the genius would not mess up his grammar that bad; but you needed to be sure.

In reality, you have always been interested in body painting, watching Skin Wars for hours, but never had a partner who brought it up; and you would never mention the interest

“I’ve painted you plenty, you’re my favorite model” you add with a wink

“If my favorite handsome model wants to pose like a French girl again, I have no problems with tha-” you continue, flirting before your rambling is cut off by your boyfriend cupping your face in his large, veiny hands, bringing his bottom lip to a pout

“you know that’s not what I meant silly” he answered with his pout becoming a playful smile, unconsciously licking his lips

You know he always did it without thinking but god, his habit of licking his lips when you got close was hot and you hated getting distracted by it

You tore your eyes away from his lips, wanting to tease him more

“Do I?” you ask with a faux confused face, tilting your head once more

“Maybe the doctor has to explain it and-” you stop, as Spencer licks his lips again, at the mention of you playfully calling him doctor

“-and the doctor should quit licking his lips before I act up” you say in a voice just above a whisper while looking at his lips 

You look up immediately, regretting the words that you just said, cheeks no doubt turning to a deep red

Spencer looked surprised at first but quickly regained composure enough to lean closer to you, slowly licking his lips, when he knew you were looking at him

“what should I stop doing sweetheart?” he asked, narrowing his bright hazel eyes, never breaking eye contact

“sorry I did not mean to say that. I really don’t mind it at all. I know you do it unconsciously. It can just be really distracting at times. And its really hot sometimes so I just- I mean- it’s just-” you pause, stumbling on yours words, speaking too fast for your brain to even catch up on, similar to how the man in front of you rambles

Spencer just continues to look at you with all the adoration of the world, tilts his head, as you did before

“Do I?” he teases, echoing what you said before

Obviously teasing was only for one partner in this relationship you thought giggling

Spencer’s eyes softened at the sound of your giggle, it’s one of his favorite sounds, right after the way you moan his name

Now he craves his favorite sound, so he leans into you just a little more and plants a soft kiss on your lips

You smile into the kiss and can feel him doing the same when your eyes pop open and pulling back suddenly, placing your hands flat on his chest

Now he was really surprised, wondering if he did something wrong, he brought his hand to your upper arm, looking at you with worried eyes

“I want to paint on you” you quickly blurted

Just as he relaxed, realizing you had remembered the beginning of this conversation, and started to open his mouth to say something when you cut him off suddenly

“This has been something I have wanted to do forever! I’ve never had the guts to ask someone to be a model for me, but I’d love if I could paint you! It’d be so much fun, I even have paint for skin, so it won’t cause any rashes or anything!” you quickly ramble, so excited your practically vibrating, moving to stand up to gather the paints, but you stop in your tracks right when you were about to leave the living room of your apartment.

“At least…if you’re sure you wanna?” You ask with a shy glance

“It might take a while; I don’t want you to be uncomfy” you add

Spencer looks up at you with an excited smile (licking his lips again) reaching for your hand as he remained seated

“I would love nothing more sweetheart” he answered

With a hop in your step, your smile widens as you gather the paint from the other room

You rush back into the living room as you see Spencer unbuttoning his shirt, with his sweater vest discarded on the couch, neatly folded

You immediately blush a little at the sight but quickly regain composure; he’s your canvas for the day, he has to be blank

You think this as you leave your paints on the ground and walk up to him, placing your hands on his and undoing the rest of the buttons

Your hands fall on his chest as you motion the shirt off of him

You plant a quick but warm kiss on his soft lips as a thank you, and he received the message perfectly

---------------------------------

That is how you ended up in this odd position with no sexual intent, even though your very good-looking boyfriend of a few years was sitting in front of you shirtless

You smacked your cheeks in frustration telling yourself to get into the zone

You look at naked models on the daily. 

To be fair, none of them were your handsome genius boyfriend, but there is a certain headspace you get in when you’re doing your art, where nothing else is important than getting the sketch or painting done

Finally getting into the headspace that you needed, you placed your hand flat on Spencer’s back, feeling him quickly tense and relax under your touch

“Can I tie up your hair a bit?” you ask softly

“of course, love” he quickly replies

So, you get one of your clips that was on the table in the living room and loosely put up some of the longer strands, so it did not get messy with paint

“I’m going to start laying some paint down” you say softly, warning him

“It’s probably going to be a little cold, sorry” you add with a soft laugh

You know he’s smiling without having to see his face, “Go for it love”

You nod and lay down a light lilac color. It was one of your favorites on him, and though he would not admit it was his favorite color, you could see the smile that came to his lips every time you wore it or had a painting with it being the primary color

You did not know where you were going with this painting, but like your other ones, you never really did

You would always try to plan them out, but they always turned out a different way than you imagined

Instead of being discouraged, you loved the change, saying that if it happened that way, it was meant to be

You laid down a sunflower yellow along with the lilac, and an idea struck you

You had always been obsessed with flower language, with purple lilacs representing the pure first emotions of love and yellow sunflowers representing pure happiness, you knew exactly where you were taking this masterpiece on your masterpiece of a boyfriend

---------------------------------

There were few words exchanged in the hours as you enjoyed each other’s warmth and the comfortable silence between you. Occasionally there would be a giggle from Spencer as your brush or hand grazed a ticklish spot, or you absentmindedly talking about how sexy his back was or how you loved certain colors on him.

You would then see his neck and ears turn a light pink, another color that looked absolutely stunning on his skin

Almost 2 hours pass by Spencer remaining still other than to get up and stretch his legs a bit carefully and to get some water

“Alright I’m almost done Spence” you sigh happily

He breathes in quickly, excited to see what you painted on him

He loved the close proximity you have been to him these past few hours; he had placed a hand on your left leg that was on one side of him and softly rubbed it, your thighs were one of his favorite spots of your body; he was always leaving kisses and the occasional bruise there.

You take a deep breath, looking over your work one more time

“I’m done!” you say almost a bit too loud for it being nearly midnight in your apartment with thin walls

Spencer turns around, excited and before he can say anything you cup his face in your hands and place an excited kiss on his lips, once again relaying your thanks

Spencer smiles into the kiss and once you break the kiss he smiles gently, “take a picture so I can see your masterpiece”

You immediately pull out your phone and take a picture of his face, now with a few smudges of paint from your hands and his brown curls messily around his face, with some part still in the hair clip and giggle at the sight of a messy Spencer

He looked at you with confusion, his smile still planted on his face

“You’re my masterpiece” you would normally cringe at that cheesy statement, but it fit so well, and you knew that picture would end up as your wallpaper soon after this anyway

He laughed, which was one of your favorite sounds, right after how he moaned your name

You put your hands on his shoulders and turned him around so you could take a proper picture of his back and instead of him turning around again to look at you, you stood up and sat down on his lap, his body conforming to cradle you and fit yours perfectly

“Look at it!” you motioned

It was a beautiful bouquet of flowers all over his back all pointing back to the pure feeling of love, adoration, passion and above all: happiness.

You knew Spencer had extensive knowledge of flowers with his eidetic memory and just by being around you and hearing your rambles about your new research

His grin deepens and you can see his eyes moving all over the picture, taking in every detail so he would remember it forever, even if he did not have his unbreakable memory

“It looks amazing love” he softly says, eyes not leaving the phone. He is now looking at the individual flowers, seeing all the different meanings and how you wanted to show your love and adoration

You swear you see him trying to hold back a tear, “I love you so much, I cannot believe I am dating someone as talented as you love” finally looking at you, cupping your face in his hands and giving you the passion that was in the flowers in a kiss

After staying in that comfortable position for a minute longer, you stand up, offering him a hand, “Alright it’s time for a shower babe, the paint is made for skin, but shouldn’t stay on too long; besides, I wanna go to bed”

“I’ll go to the shower as long as you’re with me” he instantly replies with a smirk

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, I gotta wash your back anyway” you reply

You both walk hand in hand to the shower, and you can look forward to the long shower and night after that.

Spencer Reid may be your masterpiece, but tonight he wanted to show you that you were his.

please let me know if you liked my first fic and if you would like a second (smut 👀) part or just more in general (i do love me some Hotch👀👀)

💕💕💕💕💕

also huge props to @spenciebabie for being a huge inspiration when it comes to this. take a look at their page (only 18+ please~) and their amazing writing, the community they've built on their page is adorable!!