#self love nico im begging you

[yonemurishiroku]

What if the main prime antagonist villain whatever of TSATS is Nico himself.

As in: he must battle himself. Sort of. Like. Jesus this is hard. Tartarus is the remnants of his past expeditions/ loneliness (what is more lonely than falling into hell alone with no one to call out am i rite?). It’s also known for amplifying fears and everything unkind and awful.

So the symbolism of Nico’s return is basically him facing his traumas. There’s no BIG BAD GUY or the supreme villain or a world on the verge of falling. Nico doesn’t need to be a hero. The world can fuck itself. What he needs most is for himself to accept.

Just Nico salvaging himself.

Because it’s a “Nico di Angelo adventure”, not “the Ultimate Quest of Nico di Angelo.” An adventure implies that you set out with an open mind, a will of steel, holding your head high to take in whatever this trip would gift you (or burden you with).

And the accompany of Will is like saying “This would be bad, but you don’t have to do it alone anymore.” It can also be read that Nico now has someone who loves him, and knows he’s worthy of love no that’s a lie. I dont think he even knows that, what’s with Rick’s “Romance fixes all” wth?

It’s basically Nico shouting in his traumas’ faces that “You will not kill me” or “Despite you, I’ve got my happy ending”.

[field-of-la-fleur]

PLEASE!! do a leo or even jason x daughter of iris or even nike! smau! i beg of you ‼️‼️🙏🏽🧍🏽‍♂️

⋆.˚𝐰𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 .ᐟ

masterlist | home | rules

contains: jason x daughter of nike!reader (kinda) smau

warnings: use of yn, mortal au (but reader acts like a daughter of nike), and probs language

author's note: i had a vision okay?

special mentions: lowk kinda inspired by @gentlehue's jj & smartiepants series (check that out)

now playing 𓏧 feels like (gracie abrams)

ynthewinner hard at work 🫡

reyrey you look like you've done nothing (and i have proof)

ynthewinner NO DO NOT KICK ME OFF THE TEAM IM JUST TIRED IN THESE PICTURES 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

reyrey 😒😒

ynthewinner i'll make jason bake you brownies

reyrey deal 🤝

trophyhusband HEY I DIDN'T AGREE TO THIS

trophyhusband you look so nice in the first picture 😍

bejeweled shamelessly simping in the comments smh

ynthewinner oh shut up hazel LOVE YOU JASE 😘😘

nemo 🤮

ynthewinner you're not even on the team

nemo i'm here for my boyfriend and my boyfriend alone 😐

ynthewinner HES MY BOYFRIEND

nemo no one asked 🙄

ynthewinner i'm calling annabeth

sparklybitch excuse who took that first picture? 😇

ynthewinner you did

redheadedartfreak you guys did good 😌

ynthewinner yesss (when are you coming back? we miss you 😢 )

redheadedartfreak ofc we did (in two days miss you more 🥰🥰)

trophyhusband semi-finals are right around the corner

tagged: @ynthewinner

frankenstein you're not even in any of these pictures

trophyhusband so?

ynthewinner aww ily 🥰

trophyhusband i love you more ❤️

beth actually its very stressful. its not something to joke about ☝️🤓

sparklybitch you look really crusty jason

trophyhusband I'M NOT EVEN IN THE PICTURES????

sparklybitch well yn doesn't deserve someone crusty like you

festussbestie @ynthewinner

trophyhusband fuck you leo

ynthewinner piper you can't try and break me and jason up by bullying him

sparklybitch but i can becuz then he'll have no self esteem so he thinks that he doesn't deserve you so he breaks up with you

festussbestie 🍿🫢 that's some regina george typa shit

sparklybitch i'll take that as a compliment

ynthewinner celebration dinner!

tagged: @/trophyhusband

booimscary one of many

sparklybitch nico! who let you have your phone? 😡

sonny he’s gonna jump you btw

trophyhusband why did you put that middle photo in it? 😣

ynthewinner so everyone knows you’re a pig (just kidding love u 😚😚)

trophyhusband the food was good okay?? (love you too princess ❤️)

beth what about us? do we not exist anymore? 😔

ynthewinner bitch what you’re literally in the last pic????

beth ooh sorry mb mb

beth in your car the radio up!

tagged: @ynthewinner @/rey @/sparklybitch @/bejeweled @redheadedartfreak

ynthewinner in your car, the radio up!

sparklybitch we keep trying to talk about us

redheadedartfreak i’m someone you maybe might love

bejeweled i’ll be your quiet afternoon crush

rey i’ll be your violent overnight rush

beth make you crazy over my touch

festussbestie BUT ITS JUST A SUPERCUT OF US 🤩🤩

ynthewinner 🤨🤨🤨

trophyhusband sweating my ass off. this is nerve wracking (you guys got this!!!)

nemo you have no ass to sweat off 🤨

trophyhusband stfu

festussbestie shouldn’t yall be watching your girlfriends play instead of being on your mfing phones? 😒😒

rey yeah i agree

trophyhusband they’re not on yet

rey pay attention

trophyhusband yes ma’am 🫡

ynthewinner WE WON 🦅🦅🦅 (someone also decided to finally make a move)

tagged: @beth @/rey @/sparklybitch @/bejeweled @redheadedartfreak

frankenstein don’t bring me and hazel into this ☹️

ynthewinner shut up yall are cute together 🥰

rey good job girls!

ynthewinner smth is very wrong here…

beth ik reyna congratulating us??? unheard of 🤨🤨

nemo wow you did it

ynthewinner you knew we’d win stfu

trophyhusband a daughter of nike for real 😚😚

ynthewinner i’m wearing adidas???

trophyhusband yk what? nvm

[xixovart]

mali’s hcs for aquaman’s doppelgänger i think (percy. it’s percy.)

love my og homie

i'm coming in hard and strong (that's what she said) and saying that percy would NOT love taylor swift!!!! percy is an edgy teenage SKATER BOY!!!!!! he listens to d4vd tame impala childish gambino arctic monkeys and the neighbourhood!!!!! stop the percy swiftie allegations!!!

i know this is basically canon in the show but percy, like nico, was an absolute pain in the ass for sally. this kid would draw all over. everything. do not give a six year old percy a marker he will draw on your fancy white couch. or eat it. could be either.

sally having to fight for her LIFE to get a nine year old percy to wake up for school. “mom i can't go to school im sick” “you just accidentally kicked me in the face with the strength of a motivated horse you liar”

honestly she was so done with his bs. 5th grade for percy was an ERA.

“percy no you cannot put your hand in a blender.” 

“percy we do not eat rocks.”

“percy get up from the floor, we are at the supermarket. no you cannot have a fruit roll up.”

“percy it’s three in the morning why would you want to go to the zoo.” “to see the penguins ☹️”

korra coded

reminder that he’s canonically a skater i’ll never get over this.

he loves band shirts and has a bunch of posters all around his dorm

i think he likes the rain, even though it’s zeus’ domain. it just calms him down. (im projecting)

reminder that percy isn’t dumb he’s just chaotic

percabeth skating dates i'm hyperventilating 

he really hated third grade. when asked about it he will say “the chaos and the mind games…” and not elaborate 

percy “grover is my wife” jackson

percy was actually pretty quiet in school. he wasn’t usually a class clown, he’s just the quiet disabled kid who got crappy grades (and was absolutely stunning i should mention)

captain of the school swim team <3

really likes 7/11??? for some reason?

the second he got his licence (and a car) he would nEVER stop driving. after tartarus, he would space out and disassociate, and he often had panic attacks. driving with no destination helps him calm down.  (IM PROJECTING)

estelle absolutely adores her brother. like never leaves his side. she would cling to his leg whenever he had to leave and she would BEG to come along whenever percy and annabeth went on a date

he eats a LOT. like so much.

he got used to using military time after his training with lupa and his time at camp jupiter :)

“you are just a boy, you are no man, and nobody you know will understand.” except it’s about percy in the original series, who was so heavily relied on to be a hero that he lost his sense of self. we as a fandom joke about this so much but percy lost his innocence for the people who ruined his and his loved ones’ lives. he sacrificed his humanity because of the gods’ blatant abuse and ignorance of their children. he is a child for the entirety of the original series, a child who has gone through so much and so rarely gets a break. even when he’s in school, when he’s not at camp and doesn’t have to worry about olympus, he still fucking does. he still never rests easily because the world’s fate hinges on HIM. not zeus, not his father, him. the scene with atlas was so significant because it represents so much. in a literal sense, percy, annabeth, and luke—the three who carried atlas’ burden—had the fate of the world on their shoulders. one shrug and the world could collapse. what most of the fandom fails to see is that the second percy was claimed, his childhood ended.

[blorbocedes]

Idk why I thought this but I blame you for putting this concept in my head so I'm dumping this Maxnico blurb in your askbox and hoping you like it

You kind of assume you'd end up on your knees in the winner's room but this was NOT how Max had imagined it would go when Nico had picked him. It wasn't his first time here but it was still special because well it was Nico. There was something about being the championship leader that had given him this irresistible pull some sort of power Max had thought would spill on to him purely on the basis of proximity. Nico could have had anyone on the paddock on their knees begging for him to deign to fuck them even if the concept of the winner's room didn't exist but Nico had chosen Max of all people and for a glorious few minutes he had thought meant something, that Nico saw something special in him something that made him worth Nico's time, someone Nico could someday respect.

He was wrong. So wrong. And is there really a worse place to realize that then on his kness between a fully clothed Nico's legs on maybe his 6th attempt on convincing Nico to treat him like a grown up and do the winner's room the right way. He'd barely gotten his mouth near Nico's inner thigh before a rough hand in hsir had yanked him back so that he was looking straight into Nico's eyes. "Behave" was all Nico had said as if he was a misbehaving toddler and not a grand prix winner. He sat still on his knees since he could've moved Nico had told him could Nico had said go play video games but he'd stayed where he was and after a while Nico's punishing hand from earlier had returned to gently brush through Max's hair. Max hated how calming the repeated movement was. Max hated that he could see Nico reading Lewis's post race interview on the phone while Max was on his knees for him. A bitter childish part of him wanted to scream I'll be world champion someday, I'll beat your precious Lewis someday. Maybe then Nico would see him as an equal, maybe then Nico would love him, Maybe then Nico would realize that it's Max that deserves his attention. Max knew in that moment if he ever won the championship Nico's name would be the only thing on his lips.

anon I want you to know I have read this maybe everyday since it's been in my inbox and think about it CONSTANTLY. i like it so much I didn't even wanna post it and keep it to myself But you deserve to be appreciated~

there's something so AHHHHHHH about a 2016 max full of swagger and assumptions about the WR and being Proud he was chosen...... the irresistible pull of a championship leader spilling over why would you say that to meeeee 😩😩😩 and it's about NICO?! *swoons* awww baby Maxy 🥺🥺🥺 putting his self esteem on being called at the WR to Mean something... someone worthy of Respect (which we don't have time to unpack but wow what a can of worms if you consider the point of the WR)

treat him like a grown up!!! 6TH attempt!!! Agshsjsjjs I screamed... I think I've said here before my favourite max nico trope is baby max girlbossing nico who is too neurotic about the championship and focused on lewis to Realize until it's too late.

BEHAVE!!!!! TREATING HIM LIKE A TODDLER AND NOT A GRAND PRIX WINNER!!! i can Imagine Max's pout already!!! mouthing at his fireproofs *faints*

GO PLAY A GAME AGhsjjdjsjd... max on his knees and nico stroking his hair like a kitten...... when i say I passed away.... I'm typing this with ectoplasm you killed me.... and Nico reading Lewis' post race interview? canon. perfect. chef's kiss. I'm the chef and I'm kissing you. im also the customer who got served this delicious meal and im kissing you (the chef) chef4chef

I'll be world champion someday!!! I'll beat your precious Lewis!!! And he DID!!! ur so sick for adding that line...... god now I want a WR where the WDC can have anyone on the paddock (including interviewers/former world champions, anyone who already knows what the WR is/signed ndas that never expire) where Maxy gets his revenge...... or the respect a world champion commands...

itadakimasu 🤲 thank you for the food 🥺🥺🥺

[demiboypercyjackson]

I loved your bpd solangelo can you do first fight?

YES!!! headcanon that they bicker quite a lot and they know its all silliness and its actually quite cute, but then their Actual Fights are... not really fights? id imagine they have little emotional tiffs that are so, so messy. bpd makes everything so messy. i'll write more about Lashing Out soon but this time is for soft boys being very borderline written by me, your local bpd soft boy-their first real fight is actually over the "you were looking at paolo" thing. bpd = jealous out the whazoo and nico's whazoo is doing a pretty good impression of piper's horn of plenty, except instead of sweet ham and delicious fruit, its horrible feelings of self-doubt and abandonment.will was being honest when he said he was just watching to make sure they were functioning. when he has an fp (see; nico di angelo), he stops being even slightly attracted to other people. he sees a disgustingly handsome man in a gorgeous suit? "wow that would look great on nico" he gets 10k love letters from the worlds most beautiful russian models? "itd be so dreamy if nico wrote me letters like that..." david bowie descends from the heavens and pleads with will to run away with him and be his lawfully wedded husband? "oh man, i should show nico bowie's albums.... we could cuddle while we listen!!! eep!!!" so, in short, will isnt really capable of wanting anyone else.he doesnt think much of nico being jealous, he himself gets jealous often, and he assumed they're okay, until much later when everything settles and then nico starts acting kind of distant. will is mostly supportive, but when your fp isnt giving you attention, it is Hell, and you can get a mixture of defensive and self-hatred pretty quickly. "oh god i did this. why does he hate me? because im the most unlovable thing on the planet" stuff like that.so, nico sneaks away into his cabin for the night without saying goodnight or even telling will he's leaving and will's mind immediately explodes into questions of "does he hate me?" "did i mess up?" "is he going to break up with me?"cecil, who is like, his designated 'Handler' - "i cannot believe you just called yourself that" "have you SEEN?? the way you ACT sometimes?? there isnt a logical bone in your body, solace." "okay, granted, but still" - tells him to calm down, let nico have his space, they can talk tomorrow and everything will be okay. will agrees, nodding, and accepts the big hug cecil gives him. the attention is nice, and knowing his friend actually cares about him makes things a little better.syke will totally leaves for the cabin as soon as cecil is gone because he needs nico now and he needs to know why this is so BAD and why nico would leave like thatso he shows up and knocks on the door and his hands are shaking and he cant think very good and his eyes are kind of unfocused and wow this wasnt a great idea but to his feelings-addled brain it is the best idea in the world!!! because bpd just goes and Does That and who gave you the right, honestly. nico answers the door and he doesnt meet will's eyes or really look at him"what?" he says. his voice sounds annoyed and tired and will pulls a full 180 and immeditely wants to fall down and sob because this was a horrible idea, solace, what the hell were you thinking?"im sorry," he says immediately, voice very little. "im sorry." he's doing the thing where he becomes a broken record. he doesnt know what he did, but if it made nico sound like that, then he's sorry. he'll do better. he'll be better.nico's lip kinda curls up a little. he looks empty. 'he's isolating' says will's logic brain. 'he hates you' says will's personality disorder. "why are you sorry?" says will's equally borderline boyfriend.will opened and closes his mouth a few times and looks around, lost. "i dont know. can i come inside? we can stay outside. what do you like? you dont have to answ-""i dont care." says nico and will's whole heart shatters in his chest. "do what you want.""im sorry," says will again. "can i come inside? im sorry"nico moves over so will can come in but its so hard to walk in there. he remembers that thats where nico is and his legs carry him very quickly into the cabin."are you angry?" he asks, and nico kind of shrugs a little. will doesnt know what to say. "its okay to be angry.""how come you were looking at paolo?" nico asks and will's logic brain screams 'yes! see! he's just jealous like you get! its okay!' but bpd makes every feeling in your body so big and so loud and will is so certain that that cant be it, he's being selfish and arrogant for thinking that way. obviously, nico is asking for a different reason."because i put his arms back on and i wanted to make sure i did it good." he cant really hear what hes saying but he means it. he wonders if telling the truth is manipulative. he wonders if talking at all is the wrong thing or the right thing. he wants to ask nico whats better because nico is so smart and so good, but he's afraid to because nico is angry (hurt) and he doesnt want nico angry (afraid) and he doesnt want to lose nico (his beloved, his angel), so he doesnt ask."okay." says nico, and will doesnt know what to say now."are you angry?" he asks instead, because its bad to jump to conclusions, cecil has taught him that. 'ask questions', his logic brain tells him, and boy does it sound like cecil markowitz. 'gauge the situation logically, get all the facts. figure out whats going on before you act.' all will wants to do is throw himself down and beg nico not to leave. but that would be bad. right? manipulative. is asking questions manipulative?"im not mad." says nico and his face looks a little more sad and less far away. "its fine."will shifts a little and his head itches but he doesnt scratch it. "what kind of fine? are you sure you arent mad? did i upset you?" he wants to scratch but hes kind of afraid to. he doesnt know why. he scratches it very quickly and watches to make sure nico isnt upset with him for doing that."no." says nico and its so obviously a yes that will could laugh. it brings him back to his head a little and he looks at nico's face carefully."did i make you jealous?" he asks and recieves no answer. "i dont like paolo. i like your arms. i dont even know what he says when he talks."nico whispers something in italian and will cant tell if its him lashing out or him showing a bit of humor. possibly both."please dont be mad" he says, because he cant help it. he immediately feels guilty about it, its manipulative, right? its bad to ask that. "im sorry."nico shifts his weight a little and he still looks isolate-y and far away and it makes will's Feelings get bigger again and he tries to ignore them but its hard. "its okay" nico says again. "im not mad.""i dont like paolo.""i know.""i like you. nico. my favorite person in the whole world. i love you."nico's lips twitch a little but he has a scared look in his eye that will didnt notice before. "i know.""dont han solo me," he says as softly as he can.nico has a little humor in his eyes, but not much. he looks tired, which will doesnt, and kind of lost, which will does. "im sorry.""its okay."they dance around like that for a while until will sits down on the floor because his legs are tired and nico, reacting, takes a seat on the bed he usually sleeps on. it takes a while, but eventually nico comes back to himself a little.he looks nervous, but his dark eyes look alive again, if sad and a little heartbroken, and he tells will he's sorry again. "i dont mean to get like that. i know you dont like it.""its okay. im sorry i made you jealous and didnt think about it. next time you say stuff like that, ill try harder to make sure you know i only like you."nico blinks in surprise a little and is kind of quiet. then, he murmurs, "youre perfect" in a voice thats both laugh-angry and grateful.will snorts and shakes his head vehemently. "you're more perfect." he crawls quickly over and sits next to nico on the bed without thinking about performing the act.nico smiles a little and leans his head on will's shoulder, smiling. "you're ... the most perfect." he grabs his hand and holds it tightly and their hands seem to fit perfectly together to both of them. "i love you. i love you.""i know," says will teasingly, and nico pretends to bite his shoulder in revenge. the feelings were still big, for now, but they were good feelings, and theyd calm down soon enough. theyd spend the night curled up together, and when will would relay the story to cecil later on, the red-haired son of hermes would roll his eyes and sigh. but all would be well.-so this is probably way too long but im very gay and very borderline....... alfhsks hope you enjoy >:3c and if it isnt exactly what you were looking for, youre alway welcome to drop another ask in! - mod will

[c-rankin93]

Welcome to Stamford Pt 4

Okay so how long has it been of sever writers block, crossed with an earthquake and to many hours at work? Weeks, months? I don’t know but all I know is im back, and this ladies and dudettes is what I call- ‘you know when you have written like 3 chapters and you think they are all shit so you re-write them and you spew corny shit all over the pages’! But I needed to give you guys something, you were begging me and I felt bad. So please don’t kill me for this.

Now the way I see Finn in this, is different. He’s more loveable, cheerful and what I think FUNNY??

Just think of the way Nico acts in real life. I always see moody Finn and grumpy Finn… what about happy Finn. But hey if you don’t like it, then pass this on as a flake.

Now my writing is meh? I haven’t written in so long and this was a spur of the moment thing where I had to write this down before it disappeared.

Enough with my rambles, READ. READ. READ. And P.s I might be on Wattpad now? So im not just writing fan fic anymore!

I LOVE YOU ALL MY PATIENT FOLLOWERS! MWAH!!!

&&&&& NOT EDITED 

PART 3 GUYS! HAVE A RE-CAP 

 FINN POV

 Sweat baby Jesus.

I could see the blush invade her ivory skin, her plump cheeks turning a glorious shade of crimson red. Her eyes avoiding mine as I tried in vain to see those deep chocolate irises of hers.

Stubborn girl

I knew she was embarrassed. The all mighty Rae with a mouth as lethal as a gun was stunned in silence.

I could hear Archie briefly chuckle under his breath before my eyes flicked to his. It was a moment of gratitude when he cleared his throat and straightened his posture, not muttering a single word more. I didn't need to give this girl a reason to run.

I couldn't help the broad smirk stretch across my face, not that she would even notice. No she was too busy playing with the loose threat of her shirt. Dazed by her own lyrical words, and most likely regretting the last five minutes of her life.

"Oh really" I couldn't help but question with a little pep to my words. I won't lie, I was enjoying this. Watching her body squirm under my gaze like I was her weakness, I felt powerful but also very amused.

I straightened to my full height but kept my arms crossed across my chest, my smile never fading. This girl was really something.

"Go on..." I asked as I lifted an eyebrow, my gaze never wavers from hers.

Her head shot up, I could see her brain ticking away. Most likely over thinking the situation she got herself into.

“I... ugh- I only just read that part" she stuttered barely above a whisper.

Before I had the chance to reply to the vixen my view was obstructed. Blue eyes pierced into mine, it wasn't a foreign experience looking into them but it was an experience I unfortunately discovered one too many times.

"Hiya Finn" Her slightly squeaky voice made me shutter. I learnt a few months back that Chloe wasn't going to give up, yes I might have led her on at the start, body first, mind second. I am a guy, and nobody in their right mind can say they have never done or won’t ever do something like that. By the time I learnt other aspects about Chloe, the way she coolly spoke about other females, her slightly flirtatious fingers that wondered a bit too much along the planes of my body I realised we had nothing in common. She likes attention, I hated it. That was more than enough reason to keep away. I hadn't even kissed the girl and I have to fend her off with a spatula.

Her finger nails slide alone my shirt, whilst her other hand tangled through her hair, twirling her locks into a tight knot. Ha! Hope her fingers get fucking stuck.

"Chloe" I nodded, removing her hand and backing up slightly. I noticed her smile drop before her fake facade crept its way back onto her face.

"I was thinking that maybe we could hang out again tomorrow night" her sickly sweet voice was drumming through my head. I noticed her eyes flick back towards Rae who still looked like a deer in headlights. A smug smirk etched its way onto her slim face, and I knew exactly what was going on.

I knew at that moment she was marking her territory. Fuck, she might as well just cock her leg and piss on me instead. I've had numerous girls attempt this, and all of them failed. I was not some object, I liked my space and I liked to make my own decisions. And right now my own monologue sounded like a pre-teen-fucking-girl.

"Actually chlo" I spoke coolly, fuck I hope this worked. "Rae and I already had plans".

Four mouths dropped in unison, but only two mouths spoke- or yelled.

"What" Chloe and Rae were in sync, both tones slightly pitchy but I gave it a C+ for effort.

"Maybe all that erotic smut has seeped too far into that head of yours Rae" I wiggled my eyebrows to emphasize what I meant; "If you don't remember us having plans tonight, then maybe I should just drag you away now".

I hoped to God Rae played along with this one, my eyes were pleading to her. I could see the sparkle of mischief in those doe eyes, it manifested in self into a full blown grin and I was nearly knocked of my feet.

Two rows of while teeth, cute little dimples that sat on the edge of her beautiful smile, and I even noticed the wrinkle she got near her eye.

God, this sad sap of and man could just reach out and pinch the roundness of her cheeks like an overbearing Grandma. I have officially lost my balls.

"Oh that. Sorry totally forgot, ugh. Well all I really remember is that you- you promised me pizza all expenses paid for and I can't really turn that down" Rae was a natural liar, I wasn't sure to be scared or amazed.

"You sure you need the pizza" Chloe mumbled under her breath, but I know that Rae and the others had heard her snide comment.

Just as I was about to say something in return, I heard Rae speak up. To say I was shocked was an understatement, to say I was now stiff as a board down stairs was completely accurate. Oh the bite in her words was beyond erotic.

"Well Chlo, yeah I do. An ass like this doesn't stay this round by only eating salad. Maybe you should try it one day; I mean it might give them something to look at from behind".

SHE HAD ME. HOOK. LINE. SINKER.

My arm was then suddenly torn from my body, blood spraying the weak as zombies raided the school demolishing those who couldn’t run fast enough. Poor Chloe dead, her jugular spraying warm blood one the walls… is what I wanted to narrate but really it was Rae pulling me along towards the library exit whilst I threw I peace sign over my shoulder to gayer, red and blow –up Barbie. Oh I could so be a writer.

She let me go from her clutches as soon as we were far enough away and stopped awkwardly. She smelled like coconut, her face flushed red, and her tacky bag just hung limp from her hand.

“Okay well this was fun- ugh… See ya!” have you ever watched a girl speed walk away from you like you just announced that you had leprosy? Well that was what Rae was currently doing and I must say my ego wasn’t too impressed.

“HEY!” I yelled, which caused her to walk a little faster. I swear she could win Olympic gold with that stride.

“Rae Stop! I mean it…” shit this was not working. She had managed to cross the quad and head towards the front of the school. I knew once she made it out of the gate I would lose her. So many possible ways she could turn and with a walk like that I wouldn’t be surprised if she walked all the way to London by the time I made it to the chippy.

It was time to officially lose any street cred that I had.

Operation embarrass-the-shit-out-of-rae-until-she-stops comenses.

“Rae Earl! How could you do that to me! Kiss me then leave me for another!” I yelled, fake sobs raked my body and any student between her and I gawked. Including Rae herself, excellent.

“You told me it was only me!” I continued, falling to my knees in a dramatic fashion.

I looked at the ground as she started to cuss in my direction. I didn’t need to see her to know she was currently heading my way.

“Get the fuck up Finn”.

“Why don’t you love me anymore?” I wailed waving my hands in the air like a mother giving birth. I really shouldn’t have dropped drama class. I was just imagining my name in flashing lights- Finn ‘the knicker dropper’ Nelson, God of the theatre. Ultra sexy alter ego named ‘Nico mirallegro’ king of the Italian mafia. (Always had a thing for Italian names, sue me!)

“If I wanted to listen to an asshole Finn, I’d fart. Now get the fuck up!” Rae’s face was just a whisper from my ear and I couldn’t help but crack a large grin as I got back to my knees.

“You had me at hello” I spoke lustfully giving her a good ol’ wink.

“You’re a pervert! Why the fuck did you just do that to me… and you? Aren’t you worried about your reputation! God you are so stupid” she smacked her palm on her forehead and huffed.

I sighed. “Why would I care what any of these people think?” twisting my brows together as I saw the shock on her face. “… and plus the way you were walking you’ve be in Australia before I knew it. I wanted you to stop”.

She gave me a look as to say ‘why?’ and I breathed heavily… well ive already gone this far.

“I thought we had plans… you know-pizza?”

“You meant that?” I nodded.

“Oh well I thought you were just saying that to get away from Chloe” I rubbed my face with my hands and then looked straight into her chocolate eyes.

“You intrigue me Rae. You act different, you look different. I need a change in my life. So what do you say? Pizza…?”

Ohkay who the fuck am i, and what have i just done to grumpy Finn. i took me years to perfect that grunt, and in a matter of 10 minutes she just managed to turn me into a completely different person. Ohkay maybe i need to rethink my acting career, im not good at staying in character.

----

Its short i know, but its up. SO TEll ME HOW IT WAS YO! 

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I just copied my old tag list, so im sorry if i missed anyone. feel free to remind this old girl if i did :D

[mikhalios]

mentally ill ramblings

i feel like an ache inside my body and i feel cold on my arms and legs and my face feels like it's stretched down very far like nico's drawings. my eyes feel heavy and weighted like i'm pulling on them. i get horrible imagery like smashing my head on the counter until my skull cracks open, or slitting my skin down my face with my fingernails and peeling it back even though these sorts of things disgust me in real life and i hate gore and horror and i can't control these thoughts, they're intrusive and i can't make them stop. even though i have very little history with any self harm, except for when i used to push things into my skin as a kid when i outgrew my clothes or the one time i cut myself on purpose in ninth grade just to see what it would feel like, and it didn't feel good and i couldn't understand why people did it. i feel like crying but i'm ashamed of crying so i only cry if i'm alone and in the dark. sometimes i also have butterflies and waves of anxiety and i don't know what i'm scared of other than i'm scared both that someone will ask me what's wrong and i'm scared that someone won't. the only words that ever come to my mind, which i've been saying ever since i was four and i threw up in the hospital, is "i want to go home." then i really wasn't home. now i almost always am but i never feel like i am. i'm not sure what would make me feel like i'm at home but i know that my family doesn't cut it. when i was little and i was sick i would be inconsolable, begging to go home, begging to be somewhere else or maybe someone else. my mom would tell me that i am home, she's right here, and i would scream that i knew i was at home but i wanted to be home. i still don't know what that means but i feel it deep to my core. the only times i don't long for "home" is when i'm at camp and when i think of chris and how he accepts that emotions come and go and that the moment you're in is the right one for you and even though i think he's being a little too granola i like the idea that someone accepts me and anyone or everyone else. when i'm depressed i feel like clawing my eyes out and like pulling my hair out and sometimes i do pull my hair out without thinking about it and sometimes i do it while thinking about it and it makes me feel like i have some control. sometimes when i'm depressed AND stressed i get destructive and i want to cut all my hair off or set my pillow on fire or smash my computer or my water glass or my window or my cat. i'm lucky i have such good impulse control. i'm scared that someday something will make me lose that and i will stop caring about what other people think of me. sometimes i want to die, not actively but passively. i just want to slip away into nothingness and then come back someday, even in just a couple days when life is easier to deal with. of course i know that death doesn't work like that and that's why i never want to kill myself. i think of killing yourself as an active want, and dying as a passive want. i waver between wanting to tell somebody everything and wanting to tell everybody nothing and just wanting someone to ask me if i'm okay but when they do ask me if i'm okay i don't know why i always say i'm okay but just tired. i even tell my therapists i'm okay but just tired. sometimes it's true and sometimes it's because i don't trust that anyone wants to hear how i'm really doing even if that's what i'm paying them for. when i'm depressed i don't tend to trust that anything is real. logically i know that life is what it is, but illogically i feel like i'm living in the truman show but with a twist; the people im talking to aren't just lying about reality they're a figment of my imagination. nothing is real, and my perception of what is real is all made up, because nothing is real and i'm all alone in this world that doesn't exist. it makes life seem so pointless. when i'm depressed i always feel like a bad kid. i feel ashamed. some of that is society's mental health stigma and some of that is that i usually feel like a bad kid and a disappointment and i just want to be a good kid and being a good kid means doing what other people want me to do like my sister does so they'll like me. i don't think they like me. i don't think they know me in fact i know that they don't know me because i never tell them and i don't see how they could possibly like me if they don't know me. i usually say that like and love are not interchangeable and that they love me but don't like me but i think there's unconditional love and then there's an extra kind of love which is more similar to like and in that regard i don't think they love me either. and since i don't really open up to people i don't think anyone can love me unless they know me. this all makes me feel so vulnerable even though i'm writing to myself in the dark under the covers at 9:03pm and i'm not even crying and nobody has to see this unless i want them to. this all makes me feel worse about myself instead of better because i feel like i shouldn't feel the way i'm feeling about anything all of the time. everyone else seems to feel the right emotions all the time and i don't know why i can't seem to.