#self destructive spiral

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 129

Danny, now an adult, has just moved to the city of Gotham. Actually he’s been an adult for a while, but every once in a while he has to end his life, at least legally, lest someone get suspicious. Usually whenever Dan or Ellie does an oopsie and pulls a firebird with being reborn through their core. 

So legally, one Danyal Nightingale, has just moved to Gotham to open a bakery (Thank you for the wonderful recipes and bonding Clockwork) while taking care of his practically newborn son Jordan. Of course Elnath- Ellie- had to pull a core retreat too, which is just his luck. 

It wouldn’t be a problem, but he’s trying to not be so broody. A ghost- even a half-ghost- carrying another core though, has instincts turned up to like, eleven. Which again, wouldn’t be much of a problem if not for someone falling into his dumpster late at night bleeding. A vigilante, which he’s sworn to stay away from that life years ago. And it’s not a lethal wound…

But his instincts are screaming to not let the person bleed all around his nest, and he knows from experience that it would continue to bother him. Which is how he ends up with Batman on his couch to Dan’s glee if the ghost chirps are to go by. 

[softestqueeen]

ugh, i just love you

pairing: spencer reid x reader

summary: When you accidently let the a love confession towards your best friend, Spencer Reid, tumble out of your mouth, you think you’ve ruined the friendship between you completely.

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, self destructive thoughts, spiralling SPOILER: happy end, cuz I’m a sap

wordcount: 1333 words

a/n: i had a sudden burst of motivation, after reading way too much angsty fics. i wrote this in like 35 min while rubbing my hands together like a villain at all of the pain that is happening here. muahahaha. anyways, i hope you enjoy this! <3

You ruined it. It finally happened. You knew that it would, sooner or later. Your love for your good colleague and best friend Spencer Reid were just too strong.

Sitting at your tables at the BAU, you and Spencer were the last two remaining. While trying to find anything that got the team closer to a profile, the two of you had ordered Chinese takeout. Taking a break you found yourselves in the break room, enjoying your food. Your conversation, the random facts Spencer told you and the meaningless stories you told him in return, made you forget about the gruesome murderer that was currently preying on their next victim.

Talking with Spencer always made you feel most at home. No matter how bad you felt or how low you were, Spencer could always bring you up again, no matter if it is on purpose or not.

And now, in a moment of vulnerability it had slipped out. “Ugh, I just love you Spence.”

“W- What- What did you say? You- You love me?” you could hear the pure disbelief in his voice, and you were sure he could see that same exact feeling on your face, even without you saying a word. You knew it was too late to take it back now, but you had to save yourself from this mishap, because he just couldn’t love you back.

“Uhm- well, uh, you know I love you as a friend, Spence. Of course, only as a friend,” the last sentence was a mere whisper spilling from your lips. You had to get out of here.

“Well, I think we won’t get to any reports anymore anyway. I’ll see you Spencer, bye!” you were already out of the breakroom, collecting your stuff to leave, when you heard him calling after you.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Spencer!” were the last words he heard before you practically ran out of the building.

So, now you were in Penelope’s little “office” recounting everything that happened. You could feel tears well in your eyes as you told her exactly what happened.

It was too much, the thought of facing Spencer after this. It has gone so far, that you’ve taken a few days off work to collect yourself again. But now that you’re back, you timed it perfectly that you’d arrive before Spencer but after Penny so you could slip into her office and give her a rundown. Which you were currently doing.

“I see, that’s why you stayed home so suddenly. You know, you can always come and talk to me,” she told you. It felt comforting to know that she was on your side.

“Thank you so much Penny, that means a lot to me. But you know, I was happy with the fact we were friends, even if he didn’t love me that way. It was enough for me to be just with him as friends and now I’ve ruined it,” you didn’t now what to do with yourself. Of course, your other best friend doesn’t understand the situation like you did, which kinda frustrated you.

“But you don’t understand! I- I can’t- can’t do this anymore. I loved- I love him. I love him so much it hurts. Every time I looked at him it was harder to keep these words from slipping out. It is all I could- all I can think about. And now I’ve ruined it. I lost my best friend; I lost the chance for a future with him. I don’t want to live like that. Knowing he hates me when he is everything I ever wanted. The ray of sunshine on my rainy days. He always lit up the whole room when he came in, he always made everything better. Every time I see him it’s like that one thing you thought you lost long ago but now have found again. It’s exactly the same feeling.

“I just can’t- I just don’t want to live without him. What do I do know, huh? Leave and never see him again? Stay, but live with the pain, the agony to see him everyday without speaking to him? Without being his friend?

“I feel so intensely that I often wish I could just stop. Stop worrying, stop thinking, stop feeling. But in the end, it’s always the same. I just want it to end, don’t you understand?” you have now started sobbing, letting yourself fall into Pennys arms and she rubs her hand up and down you arm in a comforting manner.

“Oh, sweetheart. Don’t get yourself too worked up about this. You don’t know yet what Spencer is going to say about this. Maybe he feels the same,” in fact, everybody but the two of you at BAU knew that you were in love and for Penelope it was kinda funny that two profilers and also two of the most intelligent people she knew failed to realise that.

“I don’t know,” you mumble into her chest, “I don’t want to get my hopes up. What if he hates me now? What if he’s mad?

“Well, we’ll only find out if you talk to him,” Penny reminded you. You were sitting up normally again, slipping out of her embrace as she was talking to you.

A sigh leaves your lips. “You’re right Pen. What would I do without you? Thanks for listening.”

“No problem. You always know where to find me if you need to talk. But now get up and talk to Mr Boy Genius. I’m sure he’s in just as much agony as you are.”

You let out another sigh before getting up and waving Pen goodbye. Wiping your tears you brace yourself for what’s to come. Taking a seat at your desk, you wait for Spencer to take his seat opposite yours.

Once he does, a few minutes after you, he seems surprised to see you.

“Hey Spencer, can we talk? In private?” you ask him before getting up.

“Yeah, of course,” he answers before getting up too and following you.

Closing the door behind him, you found yourselves in the break room, the first available room.

After a beat of silence, you start talking “Spencer, I owe you an apology.”

For a second Spencer fears that you are going to apologise for telling him that you love him, but you surprise him.

“I’m sorry for just storming off and then practically disappearing. I was a coward and too afraid of your reaction,” you take a deep breath before admitting “I didn’t lie, Spence. I love you. I did however lie about only liking you as a friend. I like you so much more than that, but as you could tell I thought you don’t feel the same. Which- Which would be totally fine, and I don’t want to pressure you into anything when-“

Your rambling is cut off by Spencer’s lips on yours. For a second both of you freeze, before you further lean into him, kissing him back. That seems to snap him out of his trace, because he carefully raises his hands, to cup your face.

After pulling away he tells you “I- I love you too. When you told me that a few nights ago my heart stopped, because I thought you felt the same. But when you told me that’s not how you meant it, my heart shattered. I don’t like it when you lie to me, but I know where it came from, so I guess I accept your apology,” he smiles before adding “Only if you let me take you out. I- I’ve never done any of this before, but I’m willing to give it a try for you.”

“Of course you can take me out, Spence. Don’t worry,” you connect your lips to his again, both of you smiling now that you know everything’s well.

And if you weren’t so engrossed in each other, you’d see Derek giving 20 bucks to Penny.

“I told you they’d eventually tell each other.”

a/n: i hope you liked this, if so please leave some notes, likes, reblogs and comments! feedback is very appreciated! i’d like to write more with spencer reid and aaron hotchner, so if you have any ideas/requests lmk!!

please also consider supporting my ao3: @ softestqueen

requests open!

taglist: @silvermagnolias @milywatermelon @BigBananaa

[youraverageventblog]

It really hurts when you realize you aren’t their closest friend anymore.

[orioncals]

[wintersleep80]

Mr. Self Destruct - Nine Inch Nails

[pml86]

Crazy Trent we all love them 🖤🖤🖤

[tgshydestan]

we need to talk about the fact we know exactly what hyde is.

(spoilers for latest page ahead!!)

we always knew he wasn't fully his own person, sure, but we now know exactly what he IS, not just what he sort-of-isnt, and now even the characters know that he isn't fully human. he is not a man. he is a distillation of another. how is this going to impact the rest of the characters? what's rachel going to think? what's the lodgers going to think? what is HYDE going to think? how is this going to impact his mental state (for the worse hopefully!!!)? what does this mean for the story? what does this mean for hyde himself? how does this change things? there are SO MANY QUESTIONS and we NEEDDDDDDDDDD TO TALK ABOUT THIS AS A FANDOM!!!!!! hyde is not human. he is sub-human. he is not and will never be truly human. and not in the way that he is god-like and BETTER, in the way that he is a watered down poor imitation of what a person is. he can pretend all he wants, but he lacks all the fundamental things that all humans share. he has no father or mother. he was never born. he is a PART of someone, not his own person. AND I FUCKING LOVE ITTTTTTTTTTT

[avelera]

Man, I can’t believe there isn’t a SINGLE Dreamling fic that deals with Hob finding out about what a crap girlfriend Thessaly (renowned TERF witch) was to Dream, like literally bad enough she contributed to kicking off his self-destruction road-trip and then said she never really liked him that way in the first place.

REGARDLESS of blame for the relationship souring, which is pretty par for the course for Dream, I can’t help but think that should they ever cross paths, Hob would have WORDS for the witch who broke his friend’s heart, and a pining Hob in particular would just have to look at that whole situation where Dream dated another human immortal and wonder why the fuck Dream courted her in the first place (Hob is right there) but that aside, I could see Hob pushing those feelings deep down so he could be there for his friend after, in a non-self-interested way, and quite possibly avert that entire aspect of the self destruction road trip…mostly because Hob is over here spiraling in completely different ways about how his friend deserves so much better and Hob’s subsequent meltdown about whether it’s breaking the bro code to offer to be that something better

[rascheln]

The thing I find both hilarious and infuriating about Oshi no Ko is actually the adults and how they know Aqua is scheming and using and manipulating the girls and all they do is essentially just stand by and watch and simply tell him "you know that's wrong" without actually doing anything about it at best or helping him at worst.

Miyako seems to have made it pretty clear that while she thinks of Ruby as her daughter, the same can't be said for Aqua. She acts like his legal guardian first and foremost, but apart from telling him off for manipulating the girls, she doesn't do any actual parenting. Maybe that's because she thinks Aqua needs to make his own mistakes or that she can't control him anyways, but it still makes her an onlooker to his actions. (Though to be fair, due to her lack of involvement with him she also misses a lot of the shit he pulls and probably thinks he's still relatively harmless. It also doesn't help that he acts much more like an adult and has done his best to hide his trauma, which makes him sort of invisible as a 'problem child.')

Mem-cho in a way tries to subtly get involved when she realizes both Akane and Kana have feelings for Aqua and that he's using both of them. Her conflict is over the feelings of her friends, though, and so she tries to slightly counteract Aqua by helping both girls... But that means she spreads herself too thin. She can't have it both ways, for one girl to be happy the other is going to be miserable and she doesn't have enough of a close relationship and access to Aqua to influence him in a meaningful way.

At the same time, she hides a lot of this drama from both Kana and Akane. She can't tell either of them what she knows about the other, least of all what she's observed about Aqua, without hurting their feelings. She's an outside observer who doesn't have the courage to speak up.

And then there's the director, with the most insight into Aqua's mental state, who could overlook Aqua trying to keep Ruby from becoming an idol because he knows how much that scares Aqua. He knows probably most of the background shit Aqua has been pulling and the connections he's made over time and instead of recognizing Aqua's plans as self destructive, he enables him.

Maybe he does this because just like Miyako he doesn't think he could stop Aqua. Or because he wants revenge, too. But ultimately I find him helping Aqua the most egregious, because what Aqua is doing is reckless, is destroying his still existing personal relationships and is leading him directly towards someone who is clearly very dangerous.

(There's also something to be said about Akane withholding her insights into Ai's murder/Aqua's father multiple times to "protect" Aqua, which technically would have been the right choice in order to keep him from spiraling further but was an incredibly naive thing to do since it was impossible to keep those secrets for long. So it just had the opposite effect of delaying a much worse emotional reaction and heightening Aqua's desperation to get his revenge and making it clear to Akane that while he never trusted her anyways, he now especially doesn't have any reason to confide in her.)

[chicago-geniza]

Sometimes the only thing that makes you stop circling the drain of suicidal ideation is taking more than the maximum legally prescribable dose of topiramate. And I think that's beautiful. Anticonvulsants FOREVER💜

[fate-defiant]

Author is the type of character who would absolutely be a villain if only he didn't have friends/loved ones who were opposed to that. Sorry I can't go all mad researcher and find a way to abuse the godlike power I feel entitled to inherit; the only dude who'll hang out with me is a stubborn idealist- 75 percent of whose moral compass is a fucking. duckling. Also my sister was kind of sort of a victim to said power in a very specific and invasive way- well um the invasive part is inherent but in this case it's like- anyway. It'll make things weird sorry man maybe some other time.

[saphushia]

You're reaching for the heavens, only bark at the stars Now all your hundred thousands best remember my name I'd sucker punch an army if they got in my way I came to kill 'em, now I'm Wipin' the spit from my eyes I take a beating, but I I'll never give up Oh, oh, I think I'd rather die --- Rather Die 🔥 Barns Courtney

My ace playlist is so so normal and absolutely does not imply anything of the multitudes wrong with him, surely

[orioncals]

[starcurtain]

I feel like I should be paid a dollar every time someone claims Aventurine is being held in "golden handcuffs" by the IPC.

Like, I promise people that phrase does not mean what you think it means.

Please... save me...

[aggressiveguitarnoises]

I was editing my spotify layout and made like a million of potential nin covers(although practically same pictures except tweaked some colours or effects or smth(barely at that...)) so here's some, idk

+ originals (from pinterest), do whatever u want enjoy

[pml86]

Trent fuck everything!!!