#self confidence and levels of respect for boundaries are two separate things

[avayarising]

#self confidence and levels of respect for boundaries are two separate things#but in Steph they are intimately twined together#so yeah this is a VERY Steph moment#she's so sure of herself that she's come to the wrong conclusion#and is using it as an excuse to disrespect Tim's boundaries#also literally the next panel is Tim back in the gym rafters thinking that yeah#he DOES have it bad...for ARIANA#comics meta#Stephanie Brown#Spoiler#Batfam#Stephanie Brown critical#DC#I maintain my stance that Steph is the other Bat most like Bruce when it comes to this shit#sorry fic writers who give Steph interpersonal emotional intelligence#if you want someone to talk their friend through their feelings and give good advice...#Steph is not your gal#no more than Bruce is your guy – @mzminola

I saw somebody describe this as "the Steph panel of all time" and that's definitely right, but probably not for the reason they intended.

Because this is a moment of Stephanie immediately rejecting a boundary that someone tried to set with her (Tim telling her to stop flirting with him again) after she guilt-tripped him into doing something for her that nearly got him shot, all because she assumes that she is just, too inherently special for that rejection to apply to. That she knows his mind and heart better than he does, and that obviously he's into her because why wouldn't he be? She's Steph, and she wants him, and so he MUST want her, she's too hot for him not to.

So she keeps flirting with him and kissing him and turning their random meet-ups in the field into dates even though he's asked her repeatedly not to, and eventually he gives in, saying to himself, "This is what I wanted, I guess" even though he's never thought that and spent literal years of publication telling her otherwise. Because she's made very clear that she'll never take 'no' for an answer, because she wants him, therefore he has to want her, and she can't even picture an alternative.

The Steph panel of all time indeed.

[rpbetter]

I'm so tired of roleplaying with people who don't put half the commitment I do into our threads and muses. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm a weirdo or like I don't belong for that. Any other hobby and people wouldn't care if I took it seriously. Why is roleplaying different? How can I keep going like this if I'm getting rudeness from all sides? I can't even go outside my already tiny bubble and find more partners, because I always see people putting roleplayers like me down and it's exhausting.

"Why is roleplaying different?"

Well, Anon, I know that was a rhetorical question, but I have some thoughts on that. To the surprise of no one!

I strongly believe that this is an issue with how fandom has come to dominate roleplaying. As I've said before, it really wasn't always like that. Of course, you always had canon characters and almost all RPers were invested in a fandom or two. The difference was that online RP was once viewed much more like tabletop RPGs are.

When the RPC became a near-total offshoot of Fandom, a lot of shit changed and very rapidly...and within Fandom, a lot of shit was changing very rapidly as well at that time.

RP has always been something looked down on (though, at least no one ever accused written RP online of being literally demonic like they did DnD, or made correlations to murder sprees like they did LARPing, so there's that) as strange, not the good, understandable sort of dorky.

Part of that is almost certainly because of the difference in the way society views writing vs the way it views hobbies like gaming - writing is seen as an intellectual pursuit and a job, gaming, even at its most negative points of view in wider society, has been seen traditionally as a downtime activity only.

But. RP was not looked down upon from within Fandom or in roleplay communities themselves like it is now.

When the whole experience of fandoms themselves became extremely mainstream and open, it welcomed in a ton of shit ideas and behaviors that were not previously prevalent. It changed RP, too, along many of those same lines.

When your hobby is considered objectionably weird by people within the fandoms you love and RP in and that makes you a sort of lowest-tier fan, the viewpoint of RP to RPers becomes something lesser than a valid hobby. When RPers are the same people who engage with Fandom monetarily, anything not monetized is passively consumable content, including RP. And RPers are trying to both deflect shame and struggling with wider society's mixed messages, that now hit them everywhere online as well. Shit like, "you don't have to monetize your hobby, it's okay to just make really good cross stitches of memes for yourself" and "if you're not paying me, you have no control over me."

We seriously do not view RP as a proper hobby anymore, that's why. There are many factors to that, those are just few, but that's the ultimate answer. It's not seen that way because it's not valued in the same way.

I think much of the problem with muns losing their entire shit over anyone else approaching the hobby differently, dare I say...more seriously, is related to a lot of complex psychology about self-esteem, control, and anxiety. So many people here struggle with serious self-worth and confidence issues, and I think to many of them, whether they realize it or not, when they see serious RPers, they feel like that's an inherent judgment and a danger to their own enjoyment. Because RP, as writing, is a skilled hobby - the more you practice it, the more skilled you become with it. Meaning that someone who approaches the writing seriously is going to be at a higher skill level.

Enter the way we're training to think about writing again - when they see someone who is very practiced, skilled, and confident with their writing, the learned idea is that they're somehow superior in a nasty, personal way.

I most certainly do not think that makes it alright, it isn't, and I'm not very tolerant of it.

It's absolutely alright to engage with RP in any way you see fit. If that's extremely casual, it's a minor hobby for you, that's great! I'm so happy you're enjoying yourself, and I mean that in no facetious way. But not when that is the only form of it respected and accepted. It's just as alright to have RP as your primary, serious hobby!

The only way we can all enjoy a hobby with such great variance within it is by respecting each other's variables, not by vilifying them. It's recognizing that, no matter how much you enjoy the mun and/or muse, they're not engaging with the hobby in the way you are, it's not a good fit to write together. (Please, begging y'all to be friends with those who are different, not enemies, shit's sake. You've not got to write together to be friends!) Instead of labeling them and being hateful. Different =/= a threat.

And, to go off a bit lol y'all demonizing serious RPers really don't get that there are some intense tones of ableism and more going on in that narrative of yours, huh?

Not that anyone requires a reason to be serious about any hobby, but when people pick a hobby like RP as their primary one...you should probably have the maturity to consider why that is. Could it be that they focus on a hobby they can do from their homes and that requires low physical involvement, and has a degree of separation from direct socializing, for a reason?

Serious RPers tend to be limited in their ability to pursue other hobbies. Mental and physical health, region, finances, and ability to spend time outside of the home are all very common limits for those who "take RP too seriously/are addicted to RP."

Maybe take five seconds away from your own issues to consider that the person you're shitting on for something so minor as a difference of importance of a hobby might be the full-time caretaker of a special needs child, having to remain home and on a very small income. They might be chronically ill or suffer from agoraphobia. They might live in an area with no hobbies of interest, affordability, or at all...or they might live somewhere that is incredibly dangerous for them.

I honestly do not know where these people have been that they've been aggressed at by serious RPers, but that's usually the excuse. (I'm not saying it has never happened or does not happen, before anyone goes there.) The idea that serious RPers are extreme elitists who are demanding that other muns do what they do, how they do it. That they expect other muns to be online and RPing all the time, that they be "available for entertainment at all times" at the cost of real-life matters. Having the expectation that threads not be dropped constantly or that a writing partner not leave for months with no contact is neither of those things.

In over two decades of RPing across almost every platform type that has existed, I have literally never seen that be either a singular RPer-type problem or one that serious RPers are even more likely to deal in. I've seen the opposite, actually. Which is not a condemnation or a statement that all casual RPers do this, just what my experience has been. And one that actually stands to reason based on the way they view and engage with RP - quick replies, quick entertainment, and very low commitment to threads, muses, or other muns. Of course, it's annoying to them when a more serious RPer is unwilling to do rapid-fire style quick, short threads from an ask with them, but is writing the lengthy replies they already owed instead.

That's probably a factor as well, in here among a plethora of misunderstanding/unawareness of differences - for many serious RPers, it's not easier and more fun to write short, quick threads. So, what a casual RPer is seeing is that they're willing to put all this extraordinary effort into a massive reply to someone else while their easy, fun, quickly done thread is waiting in line.

Misunderstandings and unawareness breed hostility, period. And there is a hell of a lot of those things in the RPC.

What serious RPers are expressing are either boundaries/expectations or frustration. Not a demand that you be around all the time, but an expectation that you leave them alone if you're not also a serious RPer who will be committed to threads and muses. Not hostility and elitism, the frustration that it's already difficult to find muns who will work out before you add in the majority rule of casual RPers.

It's incredibly disheartening, frustrating, and honestly, a bit anxiety-inducing to constantly be the weird one, always have few choices, and to be at risk of being Problematic purely because you take the hobby seriously. You can't vent without someone jumping on your ass to remind you (even if you said numerous times that "real life comes first" and "people can do what they want") that omg, people have lives, people can do what makes them happy, it's just RP.

It's so upsetting when you think you might have found a good writing partner, then, you see a PSA they've reblogged about how it's a "hobby, not a jobby," and "no one owes anyone anything, ever." Excuse me, as that last one is a direct quote, let me redo it so it is verbatim: "no one owes anyone here anything - EVER !!!"

I said I wasn't very tolerant :)

But seriously, exactly what you've expressed is why I'm not...it's another form of controlling others instead of trying your best to control your own experience, and it's often extremely hateful. I'm not tolerant of anything like that, it's no longer supporting preferences at that point. When your preference is the only one that will be tolerated in the community, it's not a preference anymore.

It's something that makes others feel isolated, afraid of harassment, and depressed. It is a hobby and it isn't supposed to make you feel like that!

And, no, absolutely the fuck not lol the "answer" to this isn't that you're taking it too seriously and need to take a break. I'm so tired of seeing that shit tacked onto RPH responses and vents and PSAs. You're not saying that RP is making you feel this way, "just take a break and come back when you agree with everyone else" isn't a solution.

Of course, if you do feel like your time here has become so upsetting? Yeah, obviously, you should try to find some other things to supplement your downtime that make you feel happier again. Engage in some other forms of writing just meant for yourself, or that can be published as fics. Spend some more time on a game you enjoy for a while, or get invested in a new one. Learn to shape bonsai or make no-knead rolls. Whatever would make you happy as a hobby when you're not here.

Other than that, however, well...we're not going to be implying on this blog that you're too serious and need to take a hiatus until you have no emotional investment in your hobby. That's insane. I'd not say it about hiking, martial arts, dog obedience competitions, hobby farming, or painting either.

I wish I could think of some solutions as to where you could look that wasn't like this, but it's definitely the majority of the RPC. It doesn't help that, due to this, serious RPers have a tendency to quietly stick together and not venture out into the RPC. They're just not incredibly easy to find.

I will say that they tend to be:

novella - if you're not here for serious RP and sticking around for a while, you're not going to invest the time and energy into particularly lengthy writing

older RPers - I would say that twenty-five is probably the youngest, with early thirties to late forties being the majority

in fandoms with a large adult base of fans - even if it's a franchise friendly to, or even meant for, younger fans, if it has a particularly active adult fanbase, it's a better chance of finding serious RPers in it

as above, old fandoms - fandoms that have been around for a long time tend to have more serious RPers in them

fandomless OCs - tend to have a higher chance of being written by serious RPers than canons or heavily fandom-involved OCs

RPers who do not do a ton of advertising for their muse(s), but when they do, they don't advertise them based on activism points or trends

slightly more likely to not have an emphasis on highly aesthetic blogs, graphics, icons etc. - they use a modified basic tumblr theme, low on graphics, their aesthetics are not on-trend, for example

anti-content policing/"write what you want" style muns

muns with more extensive rules pages - they plan to be here for a while, they take writing, RP, and their muse(s) seriously, so, it's a bit more important to them to head off problems before they start

those with older characters/FCs - be that literally in age or the character being one that has existed for a long time

"stay in your lane" style muns - if they're opining on fandom or the RPC, they must really be angry about something

those with numerous and detailed headcanons - for example, their response to a HC meme ask like, "what's your muse's favorite ice cream flavor?" is going to be treated seriously, not simply answered with "mint chocolate chip because my bby is gross"

As usual, not a complete or perfect list. I don't fit some of the things on there! It could give you some things to look for when trying to find other serious RPers, though. It's based on observances from someone who was never a casual RPer, even as a minor (me, obviously), and maybe it could at least keep you from continuously running into hostility about your approach to RP.

I've honestly considered making a list of some sort expressly for RPers who are on the more serious end of the spectrum, but...in a RPC back when things were dominated by serious RPers, I did that sort of thing with a RPH I had, and it still got labeled as being a list for and by Elitists. I don't know that anyone would want to put themselves out there for potential harassment on tumblr, you know? It was a joke then, just having a group of RPers label you as an Elitist. Here, you get told to kill yourself, and none of us need more of that shit, right?

Try to hang in there, Anon, I know it's upsetting, and I'm so sorry that something fun has gotten to be like this.

Try to understand that these people are coming from a place of irrational defensiveness, often in response to bullying themselves at some point or feeling bad about themselves. That doesn't make it right, but it does make it easier to not take to heart.

And keep at it! In my experience here, once you find a group of people you fit into, it really is...A Group. Especially among RPers who are ostracized, they stick together, they promote each other, and they're very happy for their mutuals to become your mutuals. Once you find them, it unlocks so many opportunities for the interactions and type of RP you've been missing!

[swtorpadawan]

Fun

(For Chapter One of this series, Monsters and Masks, please click here. ) Author’s Notes: I am not conforming to the norms of Chiss aging in my head-canons. For the record, Ashara is 21, here, while Ozibaumnu is 22. “My lord… may I ask you a personal question?” Ashara Zavros, Jedi Padawan, spoke even as she continued to trudge a few steps behind her ostensible master, Lord Kallig, across the icy plains of Hoth. The two were heading back to their shuttle at Dorn Base after successfully seeking out the Force ghost of the ancient Sith Lord Horak-Mul and persuading him to allow himself to be bound to Kallig. All this with the ultimate goal of challenging Darth Thanaton, who had been hounding Kallig, Ashara, and their crew for as long as Ashara had been with them. 

Hoth was barely habitable; it was essentially a freezing orb of snow and ice floating in space. Fortunately, both Ashara and Kallig were well-dressed for the frosty climate, wearing heavy cloaks over their normal robes and thermal garments beneath. Kallig – with the customary generosity she’d come to expect from him – had even provided her with thermal sleeves for her lekku and montrals. She couldn’t imagine where he had come by the garments that seemed to fit her perfectly and were clearly designed for a Togruta like herself. (Perhaps he had met a synthweaver in all his travels?) Regardless she was grateful for the protection and touched by his attentiveness. 

The cold had proven to be too much for their speeders, so they’d ultimately been forced to park them a few kilometers short of the base and were now heading the rest of the way on foot. 

(Tauntauns would have been more practical, Ashara knew. But the smelly, hairy beasts bothered her and even Lord Kallig hadn’t been keen on them.) Kallig paused in his step and turned towards Ashara. He was still wearing his black and silver skull-mask, one Ashara now knew was the legacy of the infamous Kallig bloodline. The mask gave him a foreboding look, an appearance that he’d carefully cultivated, he’d later confided to Ashara. Allies and enemies alike responded more promptly – and more predictably – to the mask than to the Sith Lord’s actual face. Most who encountered him knew him only by his growing reputation; the man beneath – a relatively young Chiss – was ‘unimportant’ in the grand scheme of things, he’d claimed.

(This was especially important, Ashara noted, considering Chiss serving in the Sith Empire often faced considerable prejudices, even those among the Sith.) Ashara, personally, much preferred him without the mask. “Only if you promise to remember that you don’t have to call me ‘my lord’ when we’re in private, Ashara.” Kallig’s tone was gently teasing, and she could almost feel his slight smile behind it. “Call me Ozibaumnu, or you could even follow Andronikus’ lead and call me ‘Ozi’, if you like. Its only in front of others that we need to worry about titles and formality.” He gave her a casual shrug. “Such things are quite important among the Sith and Imperials.” She was touched by his consideration, but she didn’t fail to observe that although he nominally served the Sith Empire and was a Sith himself, he didn’t personally identify himself as an Imperial. That is an important distinction. Ashara observed, filing that nugget of information away for later. “Okay. Ozibaumnu.” she gave him a hopeful smile. “I was just wondering… what does a Sith Lord who isn’t committed to the dark side do for fun?” He’d turned towards her fully now, his head tilting to the side. He had shown her a great deal of patience thus far, arguably far more than her old Jedi masters had. Ashara couldn’t imagine asking that kind of question to Master Ryen or Master Ocera. Indeed, it wouldn’t have ever occurred to her to do so. But Lord Kallig was different. Different than the Jedi. Different than Elios Maliss, that Sith acolyte on Taris, and different from ever other Sith she’d met since then. Different than how she ever imagined a Sith Lord ever could be. Different from anyone who Ashara had ever met, really. “Fun, hmm?” he queried. “Yeah. Fun. You know. For recreation. For enjoyment. Just… you know… fun.” She emphasized. How could she explain the concept of fun to someone who she was starting to suspect had never experienced it? Lord Kallig seemed to be chewing something over. He finally reached up and undid the clasp on his mask, pulling it up and over his head. Ashara had seen only two examples of Chiss in person before she’d met Ozibaumnu, and both had been allied with the Imperial military, seen from a distance. After she’d joined the Sith’s crew, she recalled finding his red eyes unnerving at first, but she had become much more comfortable with them over time. The stark contrast of the red against his dark blue skin was rather exotic. His face was heavily scarred; Ashara knew the marks were from his years as a slave but had never pressed him on the details. (She imagined the stories must have been horrifying.) Still, she privately admitted to herself that his high cheek bones and raven widow’s peak hair were not unattractive. When she’d first met him, of course, he had been wearing his Kallig mask and from the way he talked, she’d imagined him being … well, much older than he was. Later, when he’d revealed his actual face back on his ship, it was only then she realized first that he was Chiss and second that he was only a year or two older than she was. Ozibaumnu often seemed a completely different man to Ashara in private. Or without the mask. Or when she thought of him as ‘Ozibaumnu’ and not ‘Lord Kallig’. She was only now starting to understand that he needed to put on the show of being a ‘dark and imperious’ figure to discourage other Sith and Imperials from targeting him or his crew. This was the culture of the Sith Empire as it existed, and it was a culture that Ashara hoped Kallig would someday overturn. Now free of the mask, the Sith Lord exhaled slowly into the cold, icy air, his breath visible in a small puffy cloud. Ashara recalled that Chiss were naturally adapted to colder climates. Indeed, they’d seen dozens of Imperial-aligned Chiss on Hoth during their time here. Far more than she’d ever seen before. She’d privately wondered why he hadn’t revealed himself as one of them. Shouldn’t he welcome the presence of his own species, after spending so long in the Empire? “Well, I don’t really know.” He finally said. “I have vague memories of… playing with my elder sister when I was very little.” His voice grew wistful for the briefest of moments, and Ashara, feeling charmed at the thought of Ozibaumnu as a small child, started to smile. “I suppose that must have been fun.” The feeling wouldn’t last. “When we were separated, however, well, that’s when the Sarnovas bought me.” She could hear the sting of bitterness and pain in his voice. “I had… duties and lessons. I suppose I may have enjoyed some of those more than others. I read extensively in their library when I could find time. And I found great relief with the biochemistry lab, but that was primarily to manage Lady Sarnova’s gardens. I’ve kept that up, as you’ve seen on the ship. I’m even proficient enough now to produce custom stim-packs, and I do find the challenge relaxing.” He paused. “But I don’t think I would call it ‘fun’, exactly. It’s just something engaging I do to keep myself mentally sharp.”   Ashara felt her heart start to break hearing about the life that Ozibaumnu had led. It was entirely unfair and put the difficulties of her own life into context. The young Sith Lord had turned away from her now, looking off into the distance at one of Hoth’s moons. Though there was still daylight out, night would be falling quite soon. Still, she was hesitant to interrupt him, enjoying this level of openness. There was time. “It couldn’t have been so different for you, could it?” the Sith Lord asked, turning his head towards her slightly. “The Jedi aren’t exactly known for providing their padawans with a spirited and carefree upbringing.” Ashara bit her lip at that. She had enjoyed her time as a Jedi, no matter how frustrated she’d grown when she felt like her Masters had been holding her back.    “Well, we were given some free time each day.” She finally said. “To learn or relax however we chose. A few of us watched holovids. Some of the others meditated or studied records on loan from the Jedi Archives. I liked sparring with the others, but none of them could really keep up with me so I usually went exploring outside the enclave where I might run into rakghouls or bogstalkers or some other local predator. I didn’t seek conflict with any of them, but I didn’t back down when they attacked, either.” Her lips twisted into a guilty smile. “None of them could stop me.” She knew her pride was a weakness, but she couldn’t quite help it. “I guess… I guess it was fun. For me, anyway.” Ozibaumnu chuckled. “I believe you. I’ve seen your power and skills first-hand.” He gave her a grin. “You’re a remarkably talented warrior.” Ashara blushed in embarrassment at the compliment, looking away self-consciously. “Uhm. Thank you.” She offered lamely. Why did it bother her so much, him seeing her flustered? Seeming to sense the sudden awkwardness, Ozibaumnu turned away again. Ashara liked that about him. He respected her boundaries and didn’t push when she was uncomfortable with something. He seemed to ‘get’ her in a way other people didn’t. “Anyway, after I… ‘left’ the Sarnovas’ service, I began my Sith training. I knew full well I was already well behind the other students, and that my Chiss heritage would make me a target for a great many of the acolytes and overseers. I had to work twice as hard and to watch my back. The others took enjoyment from tormenting others or in the failures of one of our fellows. That’s… not something that interested me. So I suppose I didn’t really get to do anything for its own satisfaction.” He paused and Ashara could have sworn she could feel his mind sort through its memories. “Since then, well, first I was performing missions for Zash and then since her… transformation, I’ve had to deal with Thanaton. My companions – prior to meeting you, that is – have been a Dashade shadow-killer whose hobbies include ruthlessly devouring Force-users, and Andronikus, who enjoys acts of piracy and games of pazaak. And I can only play so much pazaak. It’s a reasonably engaging pastime, but not something I enjoy in and of itself.” Ashara had been listening to him talk about his life when inspiration struck her. Noting that his back was still turned to her, she crouched down and put her plan in motion. “But I’m afraid I’m not very experienced with the concept of ‘fun’. Not in a long time, anyway.”     He seemed to ponder that reality for a long moment. “Oh, Ozibaumnu?” Ashara finally asked innocently. “Yes, Ashara?” he attentively turned back in her direction. The snowball struck Ozibaumnu square in the chest, crumbling on impact, but nevertheless leaving the Sith Lord covered in a good amount of snow as his startled eyes widened. Ashara covered her mouth with her hands to smother her laughter, eyes wide with mirth as the Chiss blinked and looked down at himself. “I’m so sorry!” she cried out, still desperately trying to stifle her giggles, and out of breath. “It’s just… you didn’t know what ‘fun’ was and you were just standing there… and I wanted to show you… I’m sorry!” She closed her eyes, trying to recompose herself with her Jedi training and utterly failing. Honestly, she was still a little shocked by her own conduct. She’d never in a million years have even thought about throwing a snowball at any of her old Jedi Masters. Plus, she genuinely liked and respected Ozibaumnu. He was intelligent and knowledgeable treated her with respect and kindness and offered her as much freedom as he could. He’d let her express herself and her abilities in ways she’d never been able to before, and as a result she felt she was becoming more proficient at lightsaber dueling with every encounter and was growing far more refined with the Force overall. And what was more he spoke with her, not at her. About the Force, the Empire, the Republic, the Jedi, the Sith… everything. She’d enjoyed it, more than she’d like to admit. It felt like no one was holding her back anymore. Instead, Ozibaumnu was helping her move forward. She really should be kinder towards him for all he’d done for her. More respectful. She lowered her hands from her face and sighed, trying to prepare a more sincere – and heartfelt – apology.     And that was the moment Ashara felt the snowball hitting her in the face. The Togruta sputtered as her hands brushed away the snow, looking up in disbelief at her assailant.   Ozibaumnu, the Lord Kallig, Heir to Tulak Hord and the Great Dragon of the Cult of the Screaming Blade, was grinning mischievously at her in an expression Ashara had never seen on his face before. His hand was extended outward, palm-side down. A few inches beneath it she saw a new snowball being formed in mid-air, just out of the reach of his hand, and immediately realized that while she’d been distracted trying to smother her laughter, he’d sculpted the first snowball and had flung it at her just by using the Force. Now he was plainly getting ready to send another her way. It was so playful it was almost charming. She was so startled and then entranced at the sight that she barely had time to duck her head from the second snowball as it flung itself towards her, letting out an ‘eek’ as it narrowly sailed over her montrals.   She glanced back at him. Ozibaumnu continued grinning and promptly reached out and started forming a third snowball. Ashara felt a surge of adrenaline as her natural competitive instincts took over. If he was going to throw snowballs at her, she’d defend herself in kind. She kicked out at the still-forming snowball, then reached down towards the snow to form her own. Ashara knew she couldn’t match Ozibaumnu’s telekinesis or other outstanding Force powers, but she didn’t think he was her equal in physical prowess. She found herself smirking as she hurled her half-made snowball back at him. The Sith Lord deftly dodged the projectile by deftly turning his body, in an elegant display of an economy of motion. The minimal amount of effort had been expended. Then with a widening grin and a gesture of his hand, the snow all around them started to rise from the ground. Realizing the danger, Ashara took off, calling upon her Force speed to embark on a dead run away from him almost faster than the eye could follow. She’d realized immediately what Lord Kallig – Ozibaumnu, she reminded herself – was trying to do. She’d just have to be fast enough to overcome it. As she pushed herself, the ground behind her rose in a veritable tidal wave of snow, getting larger and larger as it pursued. Just when it threatened to overtake her, she adjusted her trajectory, evading its path. The Jedi padawan had been the best combatant in her class on Taris. Maybe one of the best in all the Jedi order. She knew that as powerful as she was, she couldn’t face Ozibaumnu directly like this. But even as the wave of snow turned and pursued her, she had a plan. Ashara continued to alter her direction, ever so slightly. Ozibaumnu was incredibly powerful and intelligent, but if she timed it perfectly, it was just possible she could find the angle to take him unawares. She risked a glance over her shoulder at him and was rewarded with the sight of a still grinning Sith Lord, reaching out with his hands as he guided the ever-growing wave of snow. By now, it was nearly ten meters high and twice as wide. Despite the cold and the speed she was running at, Ashara could feel the perspiration start to build on her brow as she continued to run, still adjusting her angle. She had never run so fast in her life, but at the same time, it was so exciting. The shape centered on the Chiss Sith Lord was nearly complete; Ashara was like the free tip of a compass while the wave behind her was drawing the circle. Just before she reached her starting point – and perhaps seconds away from being overtaken by the wave of snow – she turned her route completely towards him at a hard ninety degree angle and leapt, launching herself towards him with the strength of the Force in a remarkable display of athleticism. He'd turned towards her, his red, pupil-less eyes wide as they caught hers. She’d have missed the reaction without her Force sensitivity focused so acutely on him. For a fraction of a second, she was certain that her plan had failed, and he would respond with a Force Wave, throwing her back and into a nearby snowbank. Or perhaps he might even lash out with his Force Lightning, which Ashara was certain she could not resist or defend against. Not at this point.  

But the expression on Ozibaumnu’s face was not a grin any longer. Nor was it anger or even shock. His eyes wide as he looked at her with the most serene expression. He looked at peace, with his lips slightly parted as he watched the oncoming Togruta soaring towards him. This observation registered in Ashara’s mind at the very instant she collided with him, sending both Force users tumbling to the ground in a heap. The Force wave of snow, no longer under the guidance of its master, simply collapsed just short of them, sending up a flurry of flakes. When the dust settled, Ashara, still breathing heavily, sat up and looked down at Ozibaumnu. He was laying on his back while Ashara was effectively straddling him. The wind had obviously been knocked out at him, but his eyes were still open, and looking up at her. Ashara swallowed, catching her breath as the feeling of awkwardness set in. “Uhm. You okay?” He blinked but didn’t turn away. Instead, he just nodded up at her, his eyes still wide and strangely focused.   Ashara smiled, relived. Then realizing she’d succeeded in her plan, the smile widened into a grin. “I got you.” she beamed in triumph. It had been the first time she’d bested him in any kind of training. Ozibaumnu’s didn’t react in the slightest, nor did he move free himself or to push her off of him. In fact, he was only barely breathing as he continued to gaze up at her. “You’re beautiful.” The words startled Ashara, as her jaw dropped and her cheeks flushed. He’d always been friendly to her, and they’d even bantered a handful of times. But he’d never said anything to her like that before. These past several weeks had been a whirlwind for the young Togruta. She’d seen her old masters slain, then had allied with the Sith who’d killed them. She’s left Taris behind, and since then had seen how the growing war between the Republic and the Empire was impacting worlds like Quesh and Hoth. She’d made friends – or at least acquaintances – wish a Sith Lord, a pirate, and a Dashade shadow-killer who was sometimes possessed by a Sith. She had learned new things about herself, experiencing things she’d never imagined and she suspected that her journey of self-discovery was only just beginning. That there were many more lessons ahead. And as she looked down at his handsome face and felt butterflies in her belly, she wondered if this were one of them.   The Chiss was still looking up at her, entranced, breathing heavily with his mouth agape. Ashara found herself starting to lean down towards his lips, getting closer and closer… It was at that point the silence was shattered by a voice that could be heard calling out in the distance. “My lord!” Alarmed, Ashara turned towards the sudden intrusion, her hands reflexively going for the lightsabers she kept clipped to her belt. Rapidly approaching the two from about fifty meters away was a squad of Imperial soldiers, clad in the Empire’s finest cold-weather gear. They were led by an eager man wearing sergeant stripes on his armor, his eyes wide in alarm. Suddenly very self-conscious of the fact that she was effectively straddling the Sith Lord to whom she owed her allegiance in the middle of a plain of snow, Ashara scrambled to her feet, hastily brushing the snow off her robes. She turned away as her cheeks burned in embarrassment, looking down at her feet. She could only imagine how ridiculous she looked at this moment.     The soldiers came to a stop a few meters away, the sergeant suddenly uncertain. Each of the squadmates appeared to be surveying the lay of the land.   “Forgive me, my lord. Dorn Base had a report of a sudden snowstorm… phenomena in this zone. We were concerned you’d been stranded.”   Ashara remembered that Captain Yudrass of the Chiss Expansionary Defense Force now commanded Dorn Base, largely on Lord Kallig’s recommendation. Perhaps these men were here at Yudrass’ request? Ozibaumnu had, by now, risen to his feet, his back to the soldiers. Ashara watched as the Sith Lord carefully refastened his skull-mask around his head before finally turning to face the sergeant. “Not at all, sergeant.” Lord Kallig said, his voice once again slightly distorted by the mask. Nevertheless, his tone was clear, firm and commanding. “My apprentice and I were simply enjoying an impromptu training session. But I am most grateful for your concern.” “Ah.” The sergeant blinked, glancing at Ashara with a nervous look in his eyes and then back to Kallig before swallowing. “Of course, my lord. My apologies. My men and I will return to our patrols.” Kallig gave a slight nod, effectively dismissing the soldiers. The sergeant gave the order and the men turned westward, back in the general direction of Dorn base. Finally alone again, Kallig turned to Ashara, his face once again unreadable beneath his mask.     “That was fun.” He said simply. Ashara bit her lip at that, and she realized only then that she’d been holding her breath in the presence of the soldiers who had ‘caught’ them. She exhaled, finally smiling softly at him. “Yes, it was.” She answered quietly. He gave a nod of his head and she found herself hoping he was smiling beneath the mask. “Well then. We should get back to it.” Without another word, the Sith Lord began trekking through the snow, once more headed towards the base. Ashara watched him for a second, her smile turning into a grin. Then she followed, eager to catch up. Author’s Notes: Some of my younger readers may not be entirely familiar with how people used to draw precise circles. Now you know.  The Ashara Zavros romance in the SI story can be troubling if not approached from the correct direction. One of my goals with this particular character to explore that romance while avoiding the pitfalls.   I love the idea of the Sith Inquisitor or the Sith Warrior going through most of the game interacting with Sith and Imperials who are unaware you are not human or Pureblood. Its like they can pull the mask off at any time and say “What did you say about Mirialans again?” Ozi is not a big fan of the Chiss Ascendancy. They sent his family into exile and to the Empire, and then did nothing after his mother was killed and he and his sister were enslaved. So he’s not a creature of sentiment with respect to his own species. But he was more accommodating with Yudrass, an NPC on Hoth who I found memorable. Honestly, he was one of the few Imperials he saw on Hoth who seemed worth his time. This might be the beginning of a reconciliation. Frankly, its too soon to say. Finally – I was originally going to name this piece ‘Snowballs’ but opted to change it to avoid any entendre issues. (Some of y’all have dirty minds.) Tagging people who liked my WIP teasers - @actualanxiousswampwitch , @sleepswithvillains​ , @elaphaemourra​ , @starstrucknerdbatkid​ , @lyrishadow​ , @sarpndodoesrp , @introversiontherapy , @faith71504 , @cinlat , @a-master-procrastinator , @a-muirehen , @imperialparagons , @blueburds and @greyias ! Thank you all for the encouragement! Also for @starknstarwars - who a VERY long time ago did some Winter prompts, the result of which being this WIP i had almost abandoned for over a year. The lesson here is, save your work. You can always come back to it later. Also - @swtorshipping​ - For your approval. Comments are always welcome!

[rinharu-purple]

Relationship Goals: Ch 15

Flows of tears being wiped away by the fingertips of love- dreamless night skies full of stars - a heavy heart washed clean by the rain - hot sweat and cold droplets of water-  a simple “good night” and a “good morning” - that all too well known scent - the excruciating pain of yet another “goodbye”- a blood drenched jacket that’s long lost its owner’s warmth...Name of Faith 

Being the solidifying chapter of my Gavin stanness, chapter 15 has a very special place in my heart. On the other hand, the whole chapter is the very embodiment of “relationship goals”, ensuring that in the MLQC universe MC and Gavin’s relationship is the most harmonious, mature and loving one. The chapter is about an hour-ish long so you could guess how long this analysis will take to read but it surely will be much less than it took me writing it, I promise ;)

At the end of chapter 14 MC had to say goodbye to Kiro without knowing if he would survive the fight against tens of BS men and carry the burden of being the key individual who can put an end to the out of control EVOL outrage. She was heartbroken about Lucien’s betrayal and was worried as hell about Victor’s whereabouts. She was still struggling under the overbearing weight of having to play the role of the “Queen” all the while being one of the last remaining people who still bear to think about the whole TV- tower incident. She’s found herself doubting the meaning of her existence and couldn’t help but feel as though she wouldn’t belong there. At the beginning of Ch 15  we find an MC that hit the rock bottom and is therefore deeply depressed. This is the first time she’s shown such a distressed psyché. So this is how the chapter starts...MC wakes up in her room after being hospitalized for a while, lost in thoughts and looking for reassurance in the gingko leaf bracelet on her wrist.

To have and to hold...

While she is buried in negative thoughts Gavin shows up at her place to give her the good news that there are no more signs of EVOL fluctuations and that STF’s investigation ends as of that day. This results in a real smile blossoming on MC’s face and then her concern switches to Gavin’s well-being. This first dialogue between them is already an embodiment of the foundation of their relationship. Gavin and MC’s main concern is always the well-being of the other. Sure, Gavin and MC always put others before themselves so they both have an altruistic character, however if protecting any other person would mean their s/o getting hurt, then they prioritize each other. We get to see what it means in the second half of the chapter. MC is worried about Gavin’s injuries, Gavin is worried about MC’s emotional state, MC is worried that she makes Gavin worry about her, Gavin is worried that MC worries about him worrying about her, thus keeping her real thoughts inside- not- opening up about them to him. That’s a vicious cycle which needs to be broken and that is exactly what our best boi does by reassuring her that she doesn’t need to put up a front and that she could tell him whatever is eating at her...anytime at all. That guy is already 3 steps ahead of her when it comes to worrying so he pulls her out of her self-agonizing overthinking bubble with those simple words which work like a charm. MC feels as though her heart was slowly lifted up by two hands out of a ravine. So she finally tears down the walls surrounding her agony and lets her tears flow and Gavin wipe them away and he brings the sunshine back into her heart.

Ever since her father’s passing MC didn’t much have anyone to open up to about her most bothering concerns or a shoulder to cry on. Gavin sees this crystal clear and encourages her to tell him about it all, cry it all out and also manages to lift her spirits up. He knows instinctively what she needs at that moment. She is broken, she is lost and she is stripped of her self-worth. Gavin can relate to this state all too well, because he too has been there when his mother died. He knows that she doesn’t need any encouraging talks or sweets or a scientific explanation to her feelings. At that moment, all she needs is warmth and a safe space to process what she is going through thoroughly. Which is why Gavin simply offers her to share what’s eating at her with him and cry all she wants. He doesn’t do anything beyond that. He NEVER EVER PUSHES HER TO DO ANYTHING! He just stays by her side in silence, giving her space...a warm space and the rest unravels from itself.  GOAL #1 Find someone who can feel your troubles, address them with care and share your burden with you. Someone who gives you a safe space to feel down without feeling ashamed of yourself. Someone who makes what’s yours theirs. 

For better, for worse... 

Gavin is aware of the fact that his words can give her comfort, but he also knows that she hasn’t told him the whole story yet. She needs to feel self-worthy again and go back to her true, kind and brave self. So he arranges a Ferris wheel ride in the middle of the night to show her the bright side that she fails to see at the moment. If MC had been asleep then he would’ve just tried another night but much to his luck she was standing on her balcony, lost in her thoughts, gazing at the bracelet he gave her and confiding in it. So he sweeps her off her feet once again and takes her to the construction site. He shows her from the cabin the world she succeeded in saving and that the world which is still turning thanks to her. She is the savior and not the burden and most certainly not a burden to Gavin. Neither with her negative feelings nor with her presence. She belongs there where she is and Gavin appreciates her existence. Because she didn’t only save the world but also him, many times, she caught him while he was falling. However, MC believes that its always been Gavin who was always there to catch her from falling. Their feelings and thoughts are again mirroring each other. Both of them are invested equally in their journey together, both have saved the other. Hearing this, MC finally opens up about her true feelings and lets the tears flow, and those tears are again wiped away by Gavin. When the wheel reaches its zenith, MC and Gavin are in a tight embrace and MC is finally almost back to her usual self: “With it, he took all my tears, all the unsaid words, all my worries and regrets. At that moment, it felt like the walls around my heart had fallen, letting in countless rays of sun. All the unease, suffering, doubt, pain and hesitation just evaporated”. Once they get off the wheel and they run/fly hand in hand under the summer rain, MC feels like Gavin has always been by her side all over the past years and her heart’s worry and gloom is washed away by the rain. This is a very crucial thing for their relationship, because they were separated for six whole years and yet now MC feels like he were always by her side, watching her from afar, accompanying her in her journey. 

On a side note, Ferris wheel and the gingko bracelet have become the main symbols of their relationship. The bracelet represents their bond with each other regardless of the distance separating them and I am certain that the bracelet doesn't have any tracker on it to be honest but it helps MC to cool down when feeling upset or sad by reminding her of Gavin, her precious moments with him, his love for her, and that he will always be there for her. The Ferris wheel on the other hand is their journey. Each time they ride the Ferris wheel together their spirits are lifted up alongside with the cabin. Once it reaches its zenith they consummate their love for each other once again, no matter if it's on a date with a kiss or in CH 15 when MC tells Gavin her true feelings and Gavin addresses them directly resulting of them reciprocating their importance for each other. GOAL #2: A relationship is much like a Ferris Wheel. It goes up, it goes down, then goes up again. It's not always a bed of roses, there are many thorns during the ride. The important thing is to go through both phases hand in hand. 

This whole episode names Gavin as the source of MC’s sense of safety, courage and faith. MC feels herself the safest and most serene around him. Their night together at MC’s home is a strong evidence to this. Up to CH 15 and in the following episodes, MC has constant nightmares almost every night.  But when she sees the faint ray of light from the crack of her bedroom door, she finally enjoys a night’s sleep without nightmares or worries. Knowing that Gavin is on the other side of her door gives her the deepest sense of peace. This happens again in CH 26 btw. and I think the original idea was for them to sleep in the same bed in CH 15 but then abandoned due to obvious reasons... As far as I know Gavin is the only LI who sleeps in MC’s apartment so it shows the level of trust she has towards him. No matter what’s happening during the dates, in the mean story MC is not canonically that close with any of the guys, so it truly shows how safe she feels around Gavin, knowing that he wouldn’t overstep his boundaries. And she couldn’t be more correct, since Gavin leaves before she wakes up, making sure that none of them feel awkward in the morning and leaving the place as he found it, but not before leaving a note which gives her a reassurance that he is going to send somebody to keep an eye on her and ends with a simple “good morning”. Gavin is a very considerate guy, who doesn’t miss any hint thrown at him. After hearing MC not being able to sleep without wishing him good night, he realizes how important this simple wish is for her. So he makes sure to wish her a good morning, whether he is there to say it face to face or not. GOAL #3: Be with someone, with whom you can fell safe and be yourself around them. Someone whose presence chases your fears and nightmares away . Someone who knows what your values are and respects them.

In sickness and in health...

Not long after having a heart to heart conversation, MC and Gavin find themselves in a dispute over Perry. MC wants to stay by Perry’s side with the hopes of being able to help him but also come closer to the truth about her father. Gavin is not happy with the idea since he’s lost his EVOL and is dubious about Leto’s intentions so if any danger were to strike, he might not be able to protect MC. Despite this he agrees with MC’s wish in terms of her not putting herself in danger and that he would stay by her side. The second time the topic comes up, Gavin outright forbids her to get involved with Perry and MC in return, for the first time ever, tells him that she is going to do otherwise. This dispute arises because Gavin doesn’t tell her full story, that he’s lost his EVOL and that the STF is executing the Evolvers. MC on the other hand fails to see the situation from Gavin’s perspective or to trust him when he is so strict about keeping out of the whole ordeal. But right before they temporarily part ways she finds the courage to ask him about his worries and troubles, since she too can feel his distress, much like Gavin did hers at the beginning of the episode and offers to share his burden with him and that’s the thing. MC isn’t upset that Gavin doesn’t want her to see Perry anymore but that Gavin isn’t open with her and that he is still keeping his problems to himself. MC was hoping that he would trust her to face the truth and take on everything with him. That’s what actually hurts her the most. And Gavin is lost in this unexpected argument since he’d never had a situation like this with MC so he is torn between telling her the truth or leaving it be. Unfortunately he decides to just leave their dispute at that and leaves, not willing to have a fight with her. So they give each other the good old silence therapy for days and only after Perry reminded MC of Gavin’s good-will that she finally sends him an SMS (but only at second try, she wouldn’t send the first SMS in which she tells him that she is worried about him). Gavin is not  better either, since he is already at the hospital to check on her from afar, but is not ready to face her yet. Its a typical “earlier in the relationship dispute” so much so that MC even literally sleeps with her phone while waiting for Gavin’s text/ call/ any response at all. Even I am shocked by his level of stubbornness at this point.  The next day MC receives the bad news about Perry and leaves the hospital, letting herself get soaked in the rain. This time around without Gavin by her side, with completely different feelings, thinking that the rain can’t wash everything away. This is a pivotal realization on MC’s end, because at that very moment she realizes that Gavin was the reason of her being able to overcome her worries and face her troubles with faith and courage. Luckily for her, right when she was thinking of him, she senses his scent behind her aaaand cue “Rosy Mirror”...

Its such a lovely moment for the maturity of their relationship, despite them still getting to know each other and being the youngsters they are. So MC apologizes to him (but only going through the reasons why in her head so Gavin only hears that she is sorry) and then Gavin finally opens up, since he has realized that was the mistake on his part, not telling her about his true worries. So without further ado he tells her about his insecurities about the possibility of not being able to protect her since their downfall from the TV tower, about him losing his Evol, about following her for a while from behind without knowing what to do. And that’s pretty much all it takes for them to overcome their dispute, since it was a relatively small dispute and so MC again fells warm and dry inside, not caring about the rain. GOAL #4 There are disputes in all relationships. What’s important during those disputes is not to hurt each other’s feelings irreparably and communicate in honesty. It’s about trusting in each other’s good intentions and resolving the problem in hand with care and understanding. 

Till death do us part...

Our pair makes up and are ready for the next move but there are no happy endings in the MLQC universe...nö nö nö. Of course drama ensues as MC and Gavin find out that Perry has been kidnapped while MC’s precognitions start getting worse. But remember folks, Gav-babe is back so he calms her that as long as her precognitions are about the future, they can still change the course of events and that He trusts in her, so she also should put her trust in him too.  “That was his absolute faith in me, and his absolute reassurance for me”. We could actually roll the credits here without going further with the heart wrenching end of this chapter. 

Not long after though MC and Gavin has to face the worst of the worst...They have to witness Perry getting shot in the chest and leave him in his state, only to be greeted by the STF aiming at them by the exit of the warehouse, leading Gavin to resign from the STF. While on the run from the STF/NW, Gavin realizes that his Evol becomes extremely weak, so much so that he cannot even raise a barrier to hold back the bullets, which then results in MC getting shot on the back while trying to protect him. Not only MC’s precognition is coming true, but also Gavin is at his limit, both physically and mentally. So he is left with no choice, but to sacrifice himself and once again get separated from MC. For Gavin is Ch 15 is the worst-case scenario. The justice he has always believed in turned out to be a façade, he had to witness another child’s suffering in front of him and his raison d’être comes to the brink of losing her life because he failed to protect her. Everything that keeps him alive, everything that makes him who he is , is shattered right in front of his eyes. MC doesn’t have it any better as she can only watch as her worst nightmare comes true. The last 15-20 minutes of this chapter covers MC’s perpetual fear of being left by Gavin. She says thrice that she doesn’t want him to leave and begs him to stay (unfortunately Gavin doesn’t hear any of it). The have just built their faith in each other and yet got separated again after a brief moment of togetherness. IT becomes one of the issues that MC struggles with for at least 10 chapters, namely her fear of being left alone by Gavin.  

Here is a small comparison: All other LIs relationship with MC are doomed because of their choices: Kiro’s alternate personalities as Key (no time) and Helios (no love), Lucien’s involvement as Ares in BS or his values contradicting that of MCs, Victor’s pride and dominance as the research topic for my Phd at Boston College. Those guys actions and personalities conflicting with that of MCs are whats standing on the way of a harmonious relationship. With Gavin, these two are doomed by the seemingly endless external threats. Both Gavin and MC are constantly the main target of somebody’s plans and are under attack. Those poor babies cannot have a second of peace. As if it wasn’t enough, those parties constantly use their bond for their own means. Its Shaw using MC as a bait to provoke Gavin, its Josie telling MC that she is going to kill Gavin, its Gavin’s father using MC to convince Gavin to accept the NW plan. MC and Gavin don’t have any obstacles with regards to their own personalities or choices. They trust each other, stand by each other, understand each other’s perspective and love each other. In this chapter Elex even shows us that they could even take care of a child together for God’s sake. They...just...fit...

Unfortunately once again things unwind to their demise and Gavin, once again, has to leave MC for her sake. Before leaving her, Gavin repairs the gingko leaf bracelet brand new, so that MC can find the reassurance she seeks for on it in his absence and remind her that he will return to her side. He also leaves his jacket behind so that she can still feel his warmth. That’s his promise to her. That’s his reassurance that this is not a goodbye and that he is not ever going to leave without saying goodbye.  GOAL 5# True love is selfless, true love never dies and if two souls belong together, then nothing can keep them apart. because true love prevails. 

The chapter ends as its started. MC wakes up in her room after being hospitalized for a while, lost in her thoughts and finding reassurance in the gingko leaf bracelet on her wrist. The only difference this time around is that she wouldn’t find Gavin in her living room or hear three knocks on the door and find him standing tall in front of her... for this time around Gavin is gone...

[adarlingsnightmare]

Chuuya Nakahara Yandere Alphabet

Anonymous said:

Sounds good! How about the alphabet for chuuya? :3c 

accidentally posted this to my main blog after writing a huge apology for my lack of posting :/ i keep doing that unfortunately. anyways, ive had a full week exams which is why i havent been posting. im extremely tired and stressed but i will try to get more requests done this week, though i have another week of exams. i do apologise, but itll be over soon. i hope you enjoy anon, this short bastard is one of my favs. <3

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Chuuya would gladly smother you in endless kisses and cuddles, but if you tell him to back off, he'll stick to just having an arm around you (because god forbid he isn't touching you in one way or another). You'll often hear him whispering how much he absolutely adores you when he thinks you're asleep, and when you're visibly awake he'll be showering you in compliments.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Oh, Chuuya will undoubtedly do whatever it takes to keep you safe, even if that results in bloody murder. He's in the mafia after all, what's a little blood on his hands, especially in the name of love?

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Chuuya would only mock you if you consistently failed to escape or were getting punished by him. Otherwise, he is generally loving and as romantic as possible. He will always make sure you're eating and sleeping properly, snapping at you if you refuse to eat as he gets awfully worried about you sometimes.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling's will?

No, not really. The only instances where something's against his darlings will is when he's punishing them. Other than that, it's mainly abduction and the lack of freedom to talk to people.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Chuuya confides in his darling, and will show a side of himself that no one else ever sees. He'll ask for advice on work matters and will constantly seek love and reassurance from his darling. While outwardly he may still appear tough and cocky, he's really soft for you.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He would be pretty irritated and though he'd never admit it, quite hurt. Why can't you just love him, goddamnit?! He'll try not to hurt you too much, but if you're not backing down he will use force to get you to stop.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Chuuya doesn't enjoy it in the slightest. His love for you isn't some 'game' and seeing you try to escape both infuriates and saddens him. All he truly wants is to be a happy, normal couple so your refusal to love him is not something he enjoys.

Hell: What would be their darling's worst experience with them?

Chuuya isn't always fully aware of how strong he actually is, especially when he uses Corruption and becomes out of control. This can lead to a terrifying situation where you're worried for your life as a monster in your boyfriend's body goes on a rampage and destroys everything around him. It rarely happens, as Chuuya really doesn't want to hurt you, but when it does it's a living nightmare.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Honestly, Chuuya doesn't really know what kind of future he wants for him and his darling, but ideally you two would move to some beautiful island — somewhere in the Caribbean, maybe? — get married, possibly start a family and live out the rest of your days in bliss.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Luckily, Chuuya isn't insanely possessive and doesn't lash out just because you looked at someone else, but he is paranoid. He has to keep you away from other people because, what if they attempt to hurt you? The only instance where he would genuinely become jealous is if Dazai was involved. This is when you'll see his full yandere side come out and it will be extreme: locking you up in highly secure room, restraining you, putting tracking devices in everything you own, anything to ensure your safety. If you were to show an interest in Dazai, whether platonic or even worse, romantic, his paranoia and jealousy would spike up tenfold — essentially guaranteeing you'll never see the light of day again.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Chuuya is generally really loving and calm towards his darling, still messing with them and lovingly calling them an idiot, but always so soft when speaking. However, if you were to be a brat, his rougher, more 'mafia' side would make an appearance— any soft words of reassurance thrown out the window.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

The 'traditional' way: flirting with you, taking you out on fancy dates and gifting you jewellery and flowers. He may seem smooth but he usually has to ask people (Kouyou) or the internet for advice on how to win someone's affections. He's also very observant to what you're interested in, so if you mention preferring movies to fancy dinners, that's where your next date will be.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Yes, but in a good way. Instead of being his 'tough executive' persona, when he's around you, he'll reveal a much sweeter and softer side of himself. He's also surprisingly affectionate, taking every opportunity to be as close to you as possible.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Chuuya doesn't generally plan out punishment, he tends to go into a fit of rage and attack you with whatever is nearest. Usually it results in you being choked, slammed repeatedly against the floor or him almost breaking your ribs with his foot. Once he's calmed down is when he will decide on a proper punishment, such as keeping you restrained to the bed, taking away certain privileges or maybe if you've really done something bad... a more permanent solution will be used.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

As long as his darling was relatively compliant, Chuuya's only real restriction would be the ability to go outside alone without the safety of his watchful eye. Of course, if you betrayed his trust, any hint of freedom you had previously would be stripped away.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Chuuya tries to be patient, he really does, but he's just so hotheaded that he often ends up snapping at his darling whenever they act up in the slightest.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

To put it simply: no. No one else can make Chuuya feel this way, and without his wonderful darling, he feels distanced from the world. It is likely he would continue working for the Port Mafia (unless they were involved in your escape/death), a mere shell of his former self only existing to serve the mafia rather than actually living.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Chuuya would feel a small amount of guilt if he had to kidnap you, but his belief that it's necessary for your protection would overrule the guilt. He would absolutely never let you go, you're like the anchor that keeps him human; he cannot lose you.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Like Dazai, Chuuya feels almost inhuman, like he is a foreigner in someone else's body, yet when he brushed hands with you, he felt something real. This is what drives him to get to know you: the desperation to be human. The more he spends time with you, the more this feeling increases — leading him to be unable to just allow you to leave him. Ironically, he becomes less human the more time he devotes to you.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Chuuya really doesn't like seeing you upset, and it hurts his heart having to punish you when you're so upset, but some things are just a necessary evil. If you've done something he considers to be really bad, he will be apathetic to your tears, believing you deserve whatever you're suffering.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Unlike a lot of yanderes, Chuuya does respect your boundaries to a degree, and won't force you to do anything you really protest against (aside from letting you go, of course).

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Chuuya has to leave for work nearly everyday, so if you're smart and able to break locks, you have a fairly good chance of escaping. However, even if you do escape, Chuuya will find you again, and he won't take the betrayal lightly.

Wit's end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Chuuya has a pretty short temper, especially when it comes to the safety of his darling, so if you persistently tried to escape or "put yourself in danger" (interacting with Dazai, refusing food), he may snap. As stated previously, he doesn't enjoy your pain, but sometimes it's necessary to get you to listen.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Despite his sometimes arrogant nature, Chuuya sees his darling as on an entirely separate level to himself. He practically worships you, though he doesn't always like to show it (he's got to keep up his tough guy persona after all) and would gladly do anything you asked. His loyalty to you is even able to override his loyalty to the Port Mafia.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Chuuya would make an effort to woo you, buying you flowers and taking you out on fancy dinners, hoping that you'll end up wanting to be in a relationship with him. He'll vehemently deny being so desperate to be with you, but it's pretty obvious he's hopelessly in love. If you were to continuously reject his advances, he may eventually end up kidnapping you, but only if he thought you were in danger (or that another person was making a move on you).

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

If he did end up breaking you, it wouldn't be intentional. All Chuuya wants is your unconditional love and affection, but he can get desperate if you're not showing it and will make you say how much you love him, even if you have to be put through hell to achieve it.

[life-rewritten]

Skam S4- Yousefs and their ability to see Sanas for who they really are (Damira)

Episode 3 of Skam Espana Season 4 was adorable, Amira and Dani finally get to converse about the differences in their lifestyles. I was so happy to see Amira go straight up to him, lay down her values and tell him what she expects from the person she wants to date. The way she isn't afraid to communicate her feelings is so refreshing to see. And I am here for it. What I do want to discuss is the final scene, the scene where Dani gives his opinions on her requirements and when he confesses his feelings for her even more. It's such a beautiful heart-warming scene, and it is precisely what the Yousef character is written for in the Sana season. 

Yousana in Skam

First, let's look at the similarities of all Sana seasons. The questions of identity, beliefs, race and family. Sana is a character who struggles to find a balance between her religion and faith and her actual lifestyle (her friends, her school life, her opinions on feminism), she's fierce and protective of her self. She stops people whenever they seem ignorant, discriminatory or prejudiced. She's not afraid to call people out however we discover that she's this way mostly because she has her walls up to appear confident/unbothered and not let her insecurities get to her.   When she falls for Yousef, her brother's best friend her insecurities start to reappear especially when she discovers his own beliefs, his friendship with one of her girls, and the struggle to keep her values whilst feeling burdened by the laws of her religion which states that she can't be with him. There are many insecurities revealed throughout all Sana seasons, that people find her boring/stifling because of not wanting to drink or talk about sex, that men prefer people like Noora who everyone in the show thinks is the ideal look/girl for every guy (who isn't religious and appears more carefree), but also her mum also shows her dissociation with her own culture, she isn't as traditional, she doesn't like to cook or follow set expectations her culture expects from women (her mum even warns her she won't find someone because of this).  

And that's when Yousef shows up he likes who she is, he sends her messages praising her feminist values, he cooks and finds it cute that she doesn't know how to, he's good with kids and lives a life of a right person with good values. It's what makes her like him all the more, but one of the biggest ones is that he takes time to notice her, he calls her out when she stays in the background, he makes an effort to speak to her and pay her attention in a crowd of people. He sees her. Yousefs have this ability to notice Sanas for who they really are, and that's why it's more heartbreaking when she discovers she can't be with him because of her religion. However, as we continue, we end up the season with Sanas choosing to stay with their Yousefs; him taking her on a date which again emphasises how much he likes her for her, how much he respects her faith and values despite having a different belief, and how much she is her most authentic, vulnerable and happiest self when she's with him. And he represents that. He also shows up as an answer to all her insecurities as well mentioned before; he loves her for everything she thought people disliked about her, willing to wait for her, and ready to keep choosing her even when it seems impossible. This is what Yousef represents in season 4.

Dani and Amira: Intimacy and Understanding

Let's look at the end of episode 3 with Damira.

The Swings from when we were little as a title already suggests the connection/intimacy between these two, he's known her for a very long time, he's seen her grow and become who she is currently. It already shows you that Dani has seen her in a way no one else has,  just like Yousef did with Sana as well. They've known each other since they were 5, they used to hang out with each other, and they've gotten to be close to each other. There's a different sort of dynamic with him than with everyone else in her life. This is why she doesn't try to stop her feelings for him (the way Sana did when she found out about Yousef's beliefs) because she knows him and he knows her even before she fully understood her religion/values; she already had a crush on him before she knew. 

Second, Dani speaks about his own beliefs with religion quite similar to Yousef's ideas; he understands the religious values. Still, he doesn't like the discrimination that it could bring (mainly due to his own conservative parents). And this is when Amira again starts to think she's scared him off, but then Dani says that he sees her as perfect. What I love about this scene is he tells her he first truly noticed her real self, one that intrigued him and stood out was when she first wore her headscarf. And it's just so good; he likes her for herself, he wants her when she's following her values and being true to her self, instead of the other people who were shown in the same people to be annoyed or weirded out by anything Muslims do. And he gives her a speech about how he loves how she acts, behaves, and what she says. It emphasises the things he loved about religion, and again he does what Yousefs do, he shows respect and understanding for her choices, for the factors she feels insecure about, he tells her it's her strengths, and he prefers her that way. 

And lastly, he gives her the note, with her name on it as a prerequisite for what he wants if they get together which again repeats the same thing I've been saying in this post. What he wants is her. What he likes is her. What he chooses is her. He's willing to risk it all if he could be with her. He's not posing a boundary to her religion or making her have to question what she wants (yet hopefully never), he's not pressuring her into changing some of her beliefs, he's not trying to hate on religion, he just likes how he is with her, and he wants her especially when she's following her true values and standing true to her faith. Because that's who she really is. And we love to see that.

Skam stands for shame, and in every season a character has a shame/insecurity they go through in which a love interest forces them to deal and face these insecurities head-on and realise it's not bad. For Sanas it's the insecurity about how their religion/faith/race is perceived to others, the barriers society/ culture makes them feel they can't overcome because of their choice to stay with their beliefs (hope I worded this right) Yousef comes and forces Sana to deal with her insecurities and love her self for who she is, and allow her self to be vulnerable and communicative. In this season Dani already has shown he's the counterpart to helping  Amira deal with her insecurities/perspective on the world. 

This scene has showcased the level of intimacy they have with each other (despite his ignorant comments which he's going to be educated about), and now it's time to see if that love is enough for them to stay together. We have two options with whatever the lesson they're trying to portray: Either Dani learns more about the religion and falls for it on his own as he gets to know her more, he's stated he loves the values, and the lifestyle it brings, being with Amira may help him see that aspect of the beauty of faith, and he converts not just to stay with her but because he also found meaning in it. Or they end up dating and separating because she can't force him to be what he isn't (I would hate this ending, but it is an option). Either way, Amira is more communicative and headstrong, so I wonder if it's Dani who would be more insecure about the differences (maybe he ends up feeling he doesn't measure up to her significantly if he misunderstands about Kasim which I think he most likely will (if they are still trying to create a Yousana and Noora triangle storyline from the og with a twist). Either way, I can't wait to see more moments with Amira and Dani, I want to see what the writers want to teach us, I want to understand their reasons for their differences so far. If Dani keeps on being the way he was in this last clip, then I think we will get an amazing season for sure. And hopefully, Amira gets her happy ending.

[inkblotsandeggshells]

My take on feminine enbodyment and female empowerment

This concept of modern feminism and pushing men out of the picture affects me differently than the average woman, because I was raised without a dad. When my mom adopted me and my other siblings, she never got married and instead asked her best female friend to step in and help raise all four of us. I was very loved, but I felt that absence of a father all my life. It affected nearly every part of my childhood and teenage years, and it continues to affect my adult life. I wanted to get a boyfriend and eventually get married, but the only constant guy in my life was my older brother. Therefore, I had very few examples of what respectful, good, masculine men looked like.

When I was a sophomore in college, my roommate at the time showed me a YouTube channel called Blimey Cow, and they had made a video called “Ten Ways to get the Right Guy to like You.” I hadn’t thought about this video or this channel in a few years, because they primarily make Christian content.  I’m not a Christian anymore, nor do I agree with all the beliefs of Christianity. However, I decided to go back to this video two days ago, because I remembered how these creators directly challenged how our culture defines female empowerment. Specifically they used this video to present that challenge, with an emphasis on noting the difference between female liberation and female objectification. Some of the suggestions they made to help girls find the right guys included showing interest in their hobbies, supporting their local chivalry, letting the guys in their lives know they appreciate them, putting less emphasis on how much skin they show and more emphasis on who they are as a person.  As a 20 year old college kid, these young content creators made a bigger impact on my views on men, women and the hyper-sexual movement than I would have thought. As a result, their video gave me the nudge to dive deeper into this topic through writing.

When you first learn of the term “female empowerment”, it sounds attractive enough: women being seen as a force to be reckoned with, authoritative, strong leaders who are goddesses in nearly every way. Rather than being stuck at home to take care of the kids, women are encouraged to pursue their career dreams, step into more masculine leadership roles and “be the boss”, for lack of a better term. It all sounds appealing until you start to dig deeper into what’s behind the phrase “female empowerment.” One big part of how I discovered this occurred last summer.

In July of 2020, I chose to invest a serious amount of money to an online holistic sex course. It was called Well-F*cked Woman, created by a woman named Kim Anami. Through using the tools learned through this six week course, Kim claims to have helped thousands of people all over the world, especially women, to connect with the untapped power of their sexual energy. She believes that a big reason why people are as stressed, unhealthy and unhappy as they are is because they’re not having the right kind of sex. Moreover, they’re not having the right kind of sex often enough. Whether you’re in a couple or single makes no difference. If you want to gain body confidence, get orgasms or even heal ancestral trauma, Kim claims this course would teach you how to obtain all those things by utilizing your sexual energy.

When I read the information on it, I became very intrigued. After several days of listening to her podcasts and reading her blogs, I became more convinced that this course could be a big help for my personal well-being.  At the time, my goal was to use the course to heal some of the imbalanced sacral energy I still had. Hopefully, it could even heal some ancestral wounds I carried in my DNA. If I achieved that, finding a romantic partner would be more of a bonus than a direct goal. So when I received the stimulus check from the government, I used that money to pay for the course and one of Kim’s jade yoni eggs.

For each of the six weeks, we would get a video with a written syllabus to discuss different topics, most of which revolved around sex. One week we would focus on self-love practices, one week we would talk about the relationship between sex and money, another week we learned about food, etc. In that first week, I began the exercises easily enough. However, I also started to feel very conflicted about the information we received in this course. For example, in the syllabus about self-love, one of the first statements Kim made about women is that “most have rape fantasies.” Admittedly, I didn’t really understand what that meant or what it was, until a friend told me. Once I did understand it, it bothered me deeply, to say the least. As someone who claimed that her work helped heal women’s sexual trauma, to hear Kim make such a statement right off the bat made me feel uneasy.

In a separate journal, I had written down my progress of the course and some of the conclusions I had made about what it taught and about the woman who taught it. In one entry, I had observed that it seemed to take a lot of money to become a “well-f*cked woman”, by Kim’s standards. If needed, it could possibly add up to hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars. For instance, if you wanted to use a jade egg as a sexual healing tool, that cost $300. The six week course itself cost almost $1000. Kim also recommended using therapy injections to change your neural pathways, if you were a victim of sexual trauma.  Just getting one injection is expensive enough, but if you “need” more than one injection or appointment, that will add up fast. Sadly, such treatments are not easily accessible to everyone who wants sexual healing. It certainly wasn’t for me.

Additionally, a recurring message that came up in the course was that it’s important for couples to have sex more than once a week. In this case, it wasn’t talking about the faster paced sex described as being numb and fleeting. On the contrary, Kim wanted us to aim for the slower, orgasmic, breath focused sex where you’re working to maintain and build up a flow of sexual energy. While in some ways, this course educated people on sex differently than our modern culture, some aspects seem pretty similar to me. For example, one night stands are still seen as acceptable situations to practice generating this energy. We were encouraged to practice sex acts two to three times a week, to the point of becoming sex addicts. Also, even though Kim frowned upon pornography, we were still taught to utilize BDSM as a way to create polarity in our relationships. This was to make sure that “spark of passion” was maintained for the long term. Lastly, Kim would sometimes demonstrate problematic double standards when it came to showing examples of how to respect your partner. In one of her stories about “helping” her partner become confident with himself, she talked about making a point to touch his private parts in public, whether he was okay with it or not. If not, she claimed “it was his problem.” In my opinion, if they’re genders had been switched, she would have been called out for her disrespectful behavior immediately among the group.

In this class, Kim discouraged us from using substances like alcohol and drugs during the practice, because of how they damage the body. On the other hand, she promoted addictions to sex as something positive, as something to attain for as a human being. Whether you are in a couple doing the act or you’re a single adult who’s just masturbating, you were encouraged to have some kind of sex several times a week. According to Kim, it needed to get to the point where you felt you couldn’t go about your day without generating this energy. “What an addiction does is that it causes you to stop thinking,” says Michael Knowles, who was a guest on the Candace Owens Show discussing modern feminism.  “It enslaves you. It makes you prone to certain behavior, and when you’re not thinking, that’s when the people who want to grab power can come in and force it on you.” Too much of anything can be detrimental for your well-being, on all levels.  During a time where protection of boundaries for my spiritual life had become very important, this way of thinking pushed me to discover what kind of boundaries I had and to stick to them. In this case, it lead me to the conclusion that if being like Kim meant being addicted to sex, disrespecting the men I care about, and using methods of sexual control for the sake of “polarity”, then I would rather not be like her at all.

With all that being said, I believe the big question is this: how exactly does the WAP culture of free sex and female empowerment differ from the holistic sex culture I learned about in the summer of 2020? How does our pop culture differ from the Well-F*cked Woman course, in how we’re being educated about sex? In my opinion, one culture pushes the more superficial, fleeting benefits of sex in our faces, while the other pushes for using sex and sexual energy as a way to harness untapped power. This power can, supposedly, be used to energize us, heal our bodies, and manifest things into our lives. Regardless, both cultures seem to be more concerned with using sex to gain power than using it as a means to express true love.  Both cultures seem to encourage women to “embrace their femininity” by leaving their underwear off more often. Both cultures seem to promote double standards on how partners should respect each other and their boundaries. Both cultures still push us to become addicted to sex in order to have a fulfilled, happier life, because according to them, every aspect of our lives will disintegrate without it.

As a result of the lockdown, last year turned out to be most isolating time for us, and it was intense enough to put many people into a deep state of depression. At a time when everyone is stuck online and forced to keep further apart, this is when people in the online sex business—holistic or otherwise—will benefit the most from that loneliness. They can use it to make those profits and fill their own pockets. This becomes more obvious when you observe their marketing tactics, including the ones I noticed for Kim Anami’s website: unless you give me your money and do what I tell you to do, you will never be “well-f*cked.” Everything in your life will deteriorate unless you become “well-f*cked.” You will be a brainwashed zombie forever, easily manipulated, unless you become “well-f*cked.”As my friend Lee Yun would say, “These tactics are designed to create an empty void in people that can’t be filled.” In the cases of some individuals, even if they were to try, it would cost them more time, money and energy than they were lead to believe.

For those of you who wonder if I still keep up with the practices I learned from this course, I haven’t. At least, I haven’t kept up to the degree that would be necessary. My jade egg is sitting on my altar collecting dust, even as I write this. Because of the amount of money I spent to buy the egg, this is not something I’m proud to admit. A jade egg is a sacred, special tool that deserves to be put to use for the highest good, and eventually, I will find a teacher that can help me do so. I just don’t want to have to conform to this holistic “WAP” standard to get there.

Surprisingly, by reflecting on my past through watching Blimey Cow’s videos, I realized there are still some values about sex, intimacy and femininity that I learned as a teenage Christian that matter to me now as an adult witch. In my opinion, sex is something very sacred that should not be taken so lightly, because of how it connects you to your partner in an intense, physical and spiritual way. For me, I take it seriously enough to still choose to wait until I get a husband and to choose not to masturbate. Additionally, when I do have sex with my lifelong partner, it will be as much about him as it will be about me. This means respecting and honoring him as a man as well as I know how. In my opinion, if you encourage people to use something like sex to attain higher spiritual goals, but neglect to show basic respect to your partner’s boundaries about his body, then in the words of Jordan Taylor from Blimey Cow, “you’re doing it wrong.”

 Michael Knowles interview with Candace Owens on the Candace Owens Show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejWIEMs8ecg

Blimey Cow’s YouTube video, “Ten Ways to Get the Right Guy to Like You”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqF_PtugyBk

[springsummerspring]

Our disposition, personality, and behaviour all have a profound effect on the types of relationships we thrive in. A couple doesn’t need to be identical, but the right balance of traits is necessary for compatibility. This new RP theory focuses on two important characteristics: the dominance level of each person, as well as the woman’s dominance threshold.

Your “Dominance Level” (DL) measures attributes such as your natural tendency to assume the lead and how you exercise authority in interactions. DL takes into account all behaviour, it is not limited to actions within a romantic relationship. For the purposes of this post I will use a scale of 0 - 10 to discuss DL, with 10 representing the maximum possible level of dominance one can have. There are separate male and female scales - a woman who is a 6 is not more dominant than a man who is a 5, and a man who is a 10 is more dominant than a female 10.

How are dominance levels expressed in men?

A 10 has 100% alpha traits, and a 0 has 100% beta traits. As you move across the spectrum, the ratio shifts. So a 2 has 20% alpha traits, a 6 has 60%, etc.

Men who are lowest in dominance (0-3.5 on the DL scale) have the highest ratio of beta traits in comparison to alpha traits. They can be easygoing, empathetic, gentle, and considerate. They can also be sensitive, emotional, unconfident, indecisive, and soft. Keep in mind that these are just a few examples, these traits do not define these men nor are they required to be in this category.

The 3.5s-6s exhibit more alpha traits but their nature is that of a “greater beta”. These men are able to provide comfort and leadership as required in a relationship. Most women have men in this category, especially on RPW. If you are looking for a “medium dominance” category, this is where your man belongs (but to be clear, he is still in the "low dominance" category of this system).

Men who are a 6-8.5 on the DL scale have a higher ratio of alpha traits in comparison to beta traits. There are many types of alpha men: apex, renegade, patriarchal, criminal, corporate, political, etc. and they all have different characteristics that allow them to succeed and take charge in their respective environments. One thing they all have in common is an immense amount of masculinity, which can be both good and bad.

8.5 - 10s can fall into any of the alpha subtypes. They also have the highest amounts of Dark Triad traits, and are the rarest group of men.

How are dominance levels expressed in women?

The alpha/beta ratio does not apply to the female dominance scale. There are no easy, clear cut terms for the spectrum, just various dispositions and behaviours. While the ratio of masculinity and femininity plays a role, the DL is not measuring either of those traits directly. I have chosen both positive and negative examples for each type but again, these are generalisations and only a fraction of the possible characteristics one can have.

Women who are in the low dominance category (0-6) are non confrontational, sensitive, and accommodating. They are psychologically feminine, not only with their men but in their everyday lives, automatically. They can be doormats, passive, weak, and insecure if they do not learn how to prioritise themselves first instead of others. This does not mean that they are incapable of having any of the traits that high dominance women have, just that the concentration of H traits lowers as you approach zero (and vice versa with H women and L traits).

High Dominance Women (6.5-10) are more confident, driven, assertive, and ambitious. They can also be more masculinised, argumentative, self serving, and insubordinate. Some women like to think of themselves as “alpha women” but this is a myth, not an RP concept. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that being high dominance is superior. Both categories have their strengths and weaknesses. Feminists have pushed the idea that male characteristics and virtues are a universal ideal that all should strive for so women are encouraged to be high dominance. The only way that high dominance women can have romantic success with a dominant man is if they can master psychological femininity and deference within their relationship.

Your “Dominance Threshold” indicates how dominant your man has to be in order for you to feel attraction, commitment, and love. I will also be using the 0-10 dominance scale when referring to the dominance threshold. For the purposes of this discussion it is assumed that all women have a range of 0-2 points past their threshold where attraction is possible. The threshold is the minimum but most women who prefer a 5.5/10 would not be comfortable with an 8 or higher.

How are dominance thresholds expressed in women?

Women with low dominance thresholds require less alpha, and more beta in their relationships. This means more affection and softness, more obvious and frequent displays of love and care. These women are repelled by or afraid of extreme displays of male aggression, anger, or arrogance. They also do not like strict boundaries or being controlled. They are suited for betas and greater betas.

Women with high dominance thresholds require more alpha, less beta. They crave arousal, displays of power, raw masculinity, etc. from their man and view the same beta traits the low threshold women love as weaknesses. They are perfect mates for all types of alphas.

When a man’s DL is way too low for a woman, she reacts with disgust or infantilisation. If it is merely a point or two lower you’ll see shit tests. If it’s slightly too high, she’ll comfort test, and when it’s way too high she’ll be afraid. This applies to all women regardless of their threshold or dominance level.

Taking the 4 categories into account (low/high DL, low/high threshold) there are 8 possible relationship combinations. Not all are optimal or RP but all of the dynamics exist in the real world. Moving forward we will use these labels within the subreddit in our discussions and the advice we give.

By using a combination of 3 letters (all of which are either H or L) we can refer to each dynamic with ease. The first letter establishes the man’s dominance level, the second the woman’s, and then the third is for her dominance threshold. So a high dominance man (H) with a low dominance woman (L), who has a high threshold (H), would be described as HLH. A low dominance man (L) with a low dominance woman (L), who has a low dominance threshold (L), would be LLL.

Now onto an overview of the dynamics, which will be described with an emphasis on the effect on the woman. They are ordered from least potential to be RP to most potential to be RP, with 3 equally RP dynamics, there is not one universally ideal dynamic. Please keep in mind that these descriptions are all generalisations of what is most likely to happen, there are always exceptions. Note: future posts will help you identify your dynamic, do not fixate on labeling yourself from this introductory post.

High dominance man, high dominance/low threshold woman (HHL) - she vies for dominance and feels little to no comfort or security. Possible violence as she is likely to stir up trouble by constantly challenging her man.

High man, low/low woman (HLL) - she needs more beta comfort and can’t stay motivated when feeling unloved. She feels he is mean or scary. There is also a strong chance of violence in this relationship which only further discourages the LL woman from being her best and creates a cycle where the man is constantly punishing her.

Low man, high/high woman (LHH) - she walks all over him or bosses around. This is a very common dynamic as it is what usually happens when a woman is out of the CC riding/AF phase and has settled for her beta bucks.

Low man, low/high woman (LLH) - she is repulsed and/or can’t respect him, wishes he was more dominant. Whenever you see an RPW post where the OP asks: “How can I get my main to be the captain” or says “I tried captain/first mate but he’s not taking the lead” then you know it’s an LLH situation.

Low man, high/low woman (LHL) - a lot of feminist relationships are like this, and they can work, and people can be happy in them. There is also a chance that the woman walks all over the man and disrespects him and he just puts up with it. It all depends on how attracted the woman is to her man, and how well he is able to maintain that attraction.

High man, high/high woman (HHH) - potential to be RP if the woman respects the man. “Captain and First Mate” as described by RPW is not an adequate description of the dynamics in HHH relationships. This combination can be a power couple, or there can be violence if the woman does not defer to the man (think Chris Brown and Rihanna).

High man, low/high woman (HLH) - potential to be RPW and a classic fantasy that is not seen as much in reality. The woman is naturally submissive and aware of it. She is drawn to a dominant man and requires power over her. There is a strong sense of ownership and there can also be a paternalistic element to the dynamic. This differs from HHH relationships in that the woman is not a partner in crime, but rather a source of support and feminine energy while the man takes on challenges. At its worst, HLH relationships involve the man taking advantage of and abusing the woman.

Low man, low/low woman (LLL) - this is the most common both in and out of the subreddit. Contrary to what many may assume, most rpw are interested in or already with greater betas! When done right, these relationships are the epitome of the captain and first mate concept. The man leads and the woman occupies the traditional female role, but it may not feel like submission or deferment to her because of the lack of power imposed explicitly. If the man fails to take the lead, the woman may feel forced to assume that role and her respect for her man will decline. If no one assumes the lead, arguments are more likely to happen, and again, the woman will lose respect for the man.

Can you change your dominance level?

You can absolutely eliminate the personality traits that hinder your success. If you are a high dominance woman, you may need to work on being less controlling, argumentative, or disobedient. RPW is great for that! If you are low dominance, you can become more assertive, confident, and more. However, men who want the traditional, RP relationships are not interested in women who do not listen to or respect them, so it’s important not to go too far in the other direction.

Can you change your dominance threshold?

Attraction is non-negotiable. It’s important to be aware of and honest about your preferences and select a partner wisely. Understanding how men think can help you become more comfortable with a man that has a DL way higher than your threshold. If you are with a man who’s DL is below your threshold RPW can help you with respect, loyalty, and all of the other issues that come with those dynamics. Your threshold may change naturally over time based on life experiences, as you learn what you actually like in relationships.

What can we do with this information?

As mentioned earlier, this system will be a great way to have everyone on the same page when it comes to discussing relationships and giving advice. We should all be aware of our biases, and our individual dominance levels and thresholds greatly affect the responses we leave about other people’s relationships.

A lot of women with low dominance thresholds can’t understand masculine, dominant men, and that contributes to them advising women to leave their men in certain instances or worrying that something is abusive. The reverse also applies, women with high dominance thresholds are less able to wrap their heads around how other women can stay with and be attracted to low dominance men.

It is important to be aware of our biases and work to overcome solipsism. It’s not about what we would do in their situation, but what they should do in their situation. Hopefully having the language to identify dynamics will help us all provide suggestions that work well with whatever dynamic a user is involved in.

[reverielix]

hello thereʕ•ﻌ•ʔ♡ I was wondering if i could get an astrology comparability with stray kids please 👉🏻👈🏻 i’m a Leo sun and mars, Cap moon, virgo mercury, libra venus and Scorpio rising. Thank you so much~^-^

Hello☁️ Another Libra Venus, I think I’ve discovered a theme here haha💗

Always note that if I don’t know the degrees, I can’t make very accurate interpretations. Just because your Moon is in Capricorn and his is in Libra, doesn’t mean they’re in a square. I just articulate it like that since the signs are in a square-relationship with each other. (Sending a screenshot of your chart will give you the most accurate results. Thanks!)

Okayyy let’s get straight into it!! (side note: I get briefer the less compatible you are with a member on purpose lol)

Most compatible

Chan - First, your Scorpio ascendant will draw him in (Scorpio Venus), though this attraction may be more superficial or temporary — he is pleased with your mannerisms etc. (his Libra stellium is very attentive of mannerisms and such). The square that Leo and Scorpio are in suggests a more personal attraction and respect for each other as Chan may feel special and loved (what you can do especially well due to your Leo placements) while you may feel intrigued by Chan and his intense Scorpio way of showing emotions. In terms of your Venus aspected in his chart...YOU ARE WHIPPED FOR HIS WORDS, HIS PSYCHE, HIS FEELINGS AND SIMPLY HIM. You crave to know more about him, to connect with him on a deeper level because you admire him a lot. You see in him your ideal type. (Let’s not lie tho that man is amazing who is not whipped for him?🥺) His Sagittarius Mars and your Leo placements, also your Libra Venus, in harmonious aspects indicate a heap of attraction. You awake his determination (also referring to his Saturn singleton in Aries — though he would keep his work separated from his love life) and his longing to try new things and to travel (long distance travels, 9th house generational planets in Aquarius). ✈️ The possibly biggest hurdle in this relationship poses the square aspect shared between your Capricorn Moon and his Saturn singleton in Aries as both these placements are very influential within each of you. This aspect hints at a high professionalism on Chan’s part, his passion for his work, however, also a restrictive feeling on your side as you feel like your emotions aren’t being understood, which is undermined by your Capricorn Moon also being in a square with his Libra stellium. You may feel unable to express your emotions when you’re with him because he may have a hard time sympathizing with them (especially evident looking at his Libra Moon regarding your Capricorn Moon). This could be a relationship in which you are emotionally more vulnerable than he is (Moon better aspected, Saturn and Moon). Individuals with a Saturn singleton may struggle with authority — note how every member only speaks formally to Chan🤓 — which can make your Moon feel restricted, seeing as Aries placements tend to speak before they think, he might criticize your emotions (his Chiron in the 6th points out his sensibility toward criticism, with which comes hyper awareness of flaws. His 6th house stellium only supports that). This negative aspect in his chart seems to be prominent in this synastry. (Maybe you’ll fight over authority since your Moon is in Capricorn, the sign ruled by Saturn.)  Previously I talked about your Mars-Sun square aspect, but your Mars and his Libra stellium are in a sextile, which — especially looking at his Sun — means that you feel comfortable with each other and are rather adventurous, making each other feel more confident about yourselves✨. Your Leo Sun/Mars basically drinks it up, yet is also phenomenal at expressing appreciation. You make him feel like he’s the only one that matters, which may make him shy, but secretly you help his self-critical nature a lot, considering that your Mercury is in Virgo and you articulate yourself in a way that soothes him. He might be in love with your mind and the words you say (Juno in Virgo and Venus in Scorpio).  In conclusion, you’d have emotional complications as you may feel like he doesn’t understand or accept your feelings and desire for a specific domestic life (which can prevent a deep bond), though you’d have fun together as friends, hyping each other up and going on adventures together (I know your Leo Sun and Mars want to😌). Since attraction is there between you two, I think you’d be friends who are secretly in love with each other, though you might never even confess🤫 (your Virgo Mercury is real cautious about your words, and his Saturn singleton gives him the ability to restrict himself and set boundaries easily).

Jisung - read Felix’s first! It’s pretty similar to Felix’s interpretation. Now, a very beneficial change is that Jisung’s moon is in Pisces (most likely), so your moons aren’t in a square and that difficulty of expressing his emotions isn’t present anymore (though it will always be present within you, it’s not present within him.) Only your Moon and his Venus (just like your Moon and Venus) are in a square, which makes the aspect of “blocked” ability to express your affection way milder☁️. He will bathe you in love though, no doubt, and you love it because his way with words and his love style is admirable to you (Libra Mercury and Libra Venus, same as Seungmin and Felix). Your moons are in a sextile, which enables you to experience a harmonious romantic relationship where each of you shares a nurturing interest in the emotional well-being of the other accompanied by an intuitive understanding of what is needed and wanted to create mutual feelings of emotional security.💕 Lastly, your rising is in a trine with his Moon which suggests a possible display of excess emotions by Jisung to you, which can put you on edge (especially looking at the secretive nature of Scorpio and Pieces’ difficulty drawing clear lines/boundaries).

Felix - With Felix it’s like you speak to him (his Virgo Sun and your Virgo Mercury) and he speaks to you (your Libra Venus and his Libra Mercury). You may be in love with each other’s minds and ideas as your love styles are similar (both of you have a Libra Venus). These aspects are very strong regarding overall harmony💕 and problem-solving (communication skills) as you both have a soothing, tactful and forthcoming way of wording your thoughts🌫. You both have difficult Mars-Venus aspects both natally and in synastry (a lot of cardinality — is that even a word?🥴). You have your Capricorn Moon squaring your Libra Venus, and he has his Libra Venus located opposite to his Aries moon, which can result in great need for love and affection, but difficulty achieving that. Love might feel shallow or untrue, restricted in a way. Both of you personally have difficulties expressing your feelings and longings. Though these are natal aspects, these come to shine in the relationship as a prominent difficulty. You really and truly want to love each other, but insecurities, fear or a simple confusion as to how to express these feelings may hold you back from being able to express these feelings with each other. This can be a problem with other partners as well, however, in this relationship these aspects come to especially show. Although showing affection may be hard, both your Suns are in a trine with your respective Moon signs (Cap Moon + Virgo Sun & Leo Sun + Aries Moon), which is a very strong and positive aspect to have in synastry. Since you both are the Sun people and the Moon people, there isn’t a feeling of dynamics, but more a feeling of support.💗 You are there for each other and initiate (ties in with cardinal quality) new projects together. Additionally, you have the same Mars signs, which further points out — with your Venuses in mind — that you have a similar style of loving, though the expression of it (Venus-Moon aspects, as mentioned) can be “blocked” and internally conflicting but also “restricted” in the relationship. Your moons being in a square aspect brings in further conflict. You are not in synchronization with your each other’s needs for emotional security. You will seldom experience the same feeling at the same time, and even when you do, you will instinctively respond in different ways. Lastly, a good aspect, the sextile aspect between your rising and his Sun indicates a harmonious flow of energy. You make each other feel good about yourselves. You understand each other and feel comfortable in each other's company. 🥰 All in all, many aspects in your synastry are positive concerning love for each other. You have strong feelings for each other, though you just don’t match up romantically. It seems like the timing might not be right or something stands in the way of you expressing your emotions. You really want to love each other, because you are two very loving people, but you don’t know how. (This sounds like the premise of a drama👀 lol)

Seungmin - again, Seungmin’s and your compatibility is similar to yours with Felix, though this time Seungmin’s moon is not opposite his Venus, but square his Venus, just like your Moon squares your Venus. (Since his birth time is not given — same with Felix and every member apart from Chan (and with Minho it’s a 50/50 chance) the orb can differ or the aspect can also not even exist, but it’s likely and the signs the celestial bodies are in are in a square-relationship. (here we go again, me inventing words🥴)) Further explained, this aspect between you two and within you gives you the following problems; your fear of losing control over them may result in repressive behavior which tends to avoid relationships that awaken deeper emotional responses. Yet at the same time, you need this emotional involvement and those intense feelings.🎭 With your emotions and feelings being polarized, you often prefer to retreat from commitment, rejecting the personal obligations that may be required from relationships. These behavioral patterns can be seen in a starker light at times when commitment is required in relationships. Because you refuse to acknowledge the depth of your feelings, deep-rooted fears begin to rise. These can include fear of losing freedom, fear of another's power over your emotions, and fear of experiencing love's transformative fires⚡️. Lastly, his Mars is in Virgo, which can bring by a quality of strong communication when it comes to intimacy or a flow of communication through touch in your relationship and his words, creating a relatability with your emotions. Simultaneously, though, your fire placements and your Libra Venus make the expression of affection harder than it already is. In conclusion: your expression of affection is extremely difficult, not only personally but synastrial (me making up words part 6842😵) as well.

Jeongin - Your Venus in Libra (considering his Aquarius stellium — which my Aquarius Venus is sooo fangirly about, but that’s another topic..) and his Mars square yours (+ his Scorpio Mars and your Scorpio rising) hint at attraction, but on a deeper level, you can’t really find a lot of common ground (his Aries Venus and your Libra Venus, your Mercuries in a Quincunx, etc.). You look for different things in a partner🤷‍♀️, though you’d be fun as friends, and that’s why I put him in the middle (your fire and air placements would goof around so much lol). And note what I said earlier about your natal Moon-Mars square: you (according to astrology) have difficulty committing and expressing romantic affection. His Aries Venus is aspected like Felix’s Moon, highlighting that aspect of you⚡️. (Chan e.g., can help you express your feelings with his Libra Mercury and Libra stellium (+ Psyche if you work with asteroids))💗

Minho - First off, I think he has a Scorpio Venus and a Gemini rising (which I will discuss more in a future post I’m making of him as a boyfriend💕), which would mean that you would attract one another in a mainly superficial way, though when it comes to further getting to know each other, your Leo placements and his Scorpio stellium would bite each other, which is the first thing I’ve noticed when looking at your charts. His Sagittarius Moon may feel understood or ‘‘at home’’ with you, and his Virgo Mars could enable a flow of communication through physical contact (like with Seungmin), seeing as you have a Virgo Mercury🪐. Lastly, your Capricorn Moon might feel understood by and cared for with his Scorpio stellium, though on a personal level, you wouldn’t really get along☀️. (He’d be like a certain type of friend to you that you don’t really hang out with often/is just in your friend group)

Hyunjin - Your Virgo Mercury in relation to his Moon singleton in Libra/Virgo (Virgo more likely) could help him with the opposition between his Sun and Moon (and other personal planets that could be badly aspected, though we don’t exactly know since we don’t know his birth time) as you understand his emotions and (assuming his Moon’s in Virgo) can help him communicate them or (taking into consideration the possibility of a Libra Moon) you admire his emotions and feel a deep connection/are attuned to his moods.💗 This is the strongest aspect in your synastry (Venus conjunct Moon synastry is considered a true love aspect. If at a tight orb — which we can’t know — the love will be mutual and likely emotionally fulfilling. Both parties tend to be very sweet to each other. Hyunjin finds beauty and warmth from you.)☁️ But then there’s also aspects like your Mercuries being in opposite signs, his Venus being in Pisces (may shallowly attracted to you (Scorpio rising)), his Mars and your Venus being opposite, etc. that hint at a relationship in which both parties feel like “strangers’’ to each other as you can’t really emphasize with each other😯. I don’t think you would even really want to get to know each other if you met, because you simply aren’t really interested in each other to begin with. You’d be like side characters to each other’s stories (that one side character that helps once but doesn’t really appear again because they just help the plot? 😂lol)

Changbin - His Venus in Virgo may like your communication style/fall in love with your ideas/mind, but I can also see him being very picky. Overall, compatibility with Changbin is very hard since his chart is full of squares and oppositions. (The amount of fixed signs gets me scared of anyone who has ever or will ever be in a fight with him😵. That man indeed spits fire💥.) Your Leo sun/mars and your Scorpio rising would be conflictingly aspected. Your Mercuries might work together here, and your Capricorn moon could also work well with his Taurus and Virgo placements. (Cancer-Capricorn, or any sister sign pairings, only work when the rest or the chart is harmonious, since opposites can be ‘‘ride or die’’/extreme.)  But all in all, it’s a weak compatibility with many extremes❗️ and hardly any harmonious aspects. There may be strange attraction, but it would probably feel uncomfortable. 😳

Least compatible

[themostrandomfandom]

You may have discussed this, but what are your thoughts on Brittana's horoscope signs? In canon and/or Mouseverse. Thank you!

Hey, @gaylati!

Full disclosure: I know very little about horoscopes, and it seems like there’s a lot of conflicting information out there about what the common traits are for each sign and which signs are compatible with each other and whatnot, so if anything I say here doesn’t fit, I apologize.

Discussion after the cut.

________

So.

The truth is that, in canon, we really don’t get any concrete information about when Brittana’s respective birthdays might be, though we can infer based on the fact that they were both originally set to graduate in 2012 that—barring either one of them having been held back or skipped forward prior to Brittany’s second senior year—they were both likely born sometime between September 1993 and September 1994 (since September is the “cut-off month” to begin kindergarten in Ohio).

Brittany does mention in episode 3x01 that she is a “water sign,” and while it’s entirely possible given the context for the scene that she is just joking, if we take her statement literally, then that means she is either a Scorpio, Pisces, or Cancer, meaning that she could have been born between

October 23rd and November 21st, 1993 (Scorpio)

February 18th and March 20th, 1994 (Pisces)  

June 20th and July 22nd, 1994 (Cancer)

We get no information in canon about what Santana’s sign may be.

My personal headcanon, based on my very limited understanding, is that Brittany is a Scorpio (and that’s what she is in the Mouseverse).

Having nothing else to base it on, and once again bearing in mind my very limited understanding of horoscopes, my personal headcanon is that Santana is a Leo (and that’s what she is in the Mouseverse).

I like the idea of Brittana’s signs being “complementary opposites,” water and fire.

Here’s my reasoning:

Brittany

Scorpios are known for having magnetic personalities, though they tend to conceal parts of themselves depending on the company. When making plans, Scorpios can be secretive. They are typically focused and intuitive in their approaches to problem-solving; loyal to friends and vengeful to enemies in their social relationships; manipulative when they want or need something; and protective when it comes to the people they love.

To me, Brittany possesses a lot of the above-mentioned Scorpio traits.

Brittany’s personality is most definitely magnetic. She’s the most popular girl in school, and, as we see during her senior class president campaign, people are drawn to her, even though they may not always understand what she’s talking about. Brittany can be funny, confident, outgoing, whimsical, etc., all of which are traits that attract people to her. She’s the kind of electric personality lots of people want to be and lots more people—including Santana, Artie, Rory, and Sam—want to be with. 

Brittany can be secretive about her plans—like when she hides her relationship with Santana during early S3 and conceals from everyone her initial acceptance to MIT in S4—and chameleonlike in her approach to dealing with people, putting forward a different face, depending on with whom she’s dealing. To some, she’s silly and aloof. To others, she’s wise and philosophical. To many, she’s a riddle wrapped in an enigma. Very few people except for Santana ever get full access to “the real her.”

When Brittany sets her mind to solving a problem, she isn’t easily disuaded, as per what we see when she comes up with Project Unicorn to combat bullying at WMHS and goes to very elaborate lengths to reconcile Alma and Santana prior to the wedding. While she isn’t as plan-reliant as Santana is on the whole, she is singularly focused on the occasions when she does put plans into motion.

She is also highly intuitive. Though many people misread Brittany as someone with immature emotions, the truth is that Brittany is very emotionally mature and possesses a high degree of emotional intelligence. She understands what makes people tick—and especially Santana. That’s why she’s able to be patient when Santana emotionally flails throughout S2. That’s also why Brittany is able to respond so well to Santana’s emotional needs (“If you want me, I’m here”). Though Brittany also has the propensity to be logical—hello, big, beautiful math brain!—she most frequently operates in response to what feels right. She senses and perceives a lot more than people realize. 

The “loyal to friends and vengeful to enemies” thing? That’s Brittany to a T. If you treat her and hers well, then she’s got your back. (See her relationship with Mercedes.) But if you treat her and hers poorly, then you’ve got another thing coming to you. (See her relationship with Rachel.) Though she has a reputation for being kind and friendly, make no mistake: Baby Girl can be petty af to those who cross her, making their lives hell in ways they don’t even see coming. 

When it comes to being manipulative to get what she wants, I have two words for you: Sneaky!Brittany. Brittany uses people’s low expectations for her against them, conning and conniving her way to the top as it serves her purposes. 

When it comes to being protective of those she loves, well, just look to her entire relationship with Santana but especially to the speech she makes to Alma in episode 6x06. Though Brittany often avoids direct conflict, she isn’t afraid to step into the ring when it comes to defending Santana and keeping her heart safe.

Santana

Leos are known for having a dramatic flare and deep-seated need for self-expression; occasionally being overbearing and stepping on the toes of those around them; and constantly seeking for love and approval. They are said to wear their hearts on their sleeves and be somewhat reactive. They are also known for being hopeless romantics and for their courage, kindness, generosity, protectiveness, and brutal honesty.

—which is pretty Santana, tbqh.

Aside from Rachel Berry, Santana is probably the most Extra™ person to ever Extra™. She loves performing—“Glee club is the best part of my day, okay?”—and shines when she’s on stage. One of her big motivations throughout the show is to “be seen as the star that [she is].” Baby Girl is happiest when she’s singing and dancing her heart out.

Self-expression is a huge thing with Santana. She’s “just gotta be [her].” As she tells her grandmother in episode 3x07, having to pretend to be someone she’s not drains her. Her arc on the show is all about learning to first accept and then express herself—and once she starts being honest about who she is, she never looks back.

When it comes to being potentially overbearing and stepping on others’ toes, look no further than to her relationships within the glee club: Santana is constantly giving “tough love” and saying more than she should, overstepping personal boundaries (like when she ransacks Hummelberry’s belongings after she moves into the Loft), going overboard in her schemes to influence those around her (like when she engineers a sting operation to take down Sebastian Smythe to avenge Blaine’s eye injury), etc. She can be A Lot™ sometimes, which is part of why she encounters so much relational friction with the New Directions over the years.

Seeking for love and approval? That is Santana’s main motivation throughout the show. Baby Girl just wants so much to love and be loved. It’s her be all and end all.

Santana definitely wears her heart on her sleeve and has a reactive temperament. She cries at the drop of a hat and also can’t help but break into the biggest, dimple-deep smile whenever she’s truly happy. Even when she pretends not to, the truth is that she feels a lot and feels deeply in spite of herself.

Hopeless romantic? Check.

Courage, kindness, generosity, and protectiveness? Check.

Brutal honesty? “I keep it real, and I’m hilarious.” Check.

Brittana

In terms of their compatibility, Scorpio/Leo unions are said to be built on intense connections, with both partners being extremely loyal to and protective of each other. Their dynamics typically have a strong sexual component. While early on, poor communication and a lack of emotional openness can cause problems, if both partners work through these issues and learn to disclose to each other, they can form a strong, healthy “us against the world” bond.

—which is a pretty good summation of Brittana, imo.

Intense connection? As they state numerous times throughout the show, Brittany and Santana consider their bond to be a once-in-a-lifetime, infinite, soulmate-level one true love. They both love each other more than anyone else in the world.  

As discussed above, both of them are individually highly loyal to and protective of each other. They’re also both protective of their relationship. When faced with opposition, they join hands and form ranks, as is apparent when they both separately confront Kurt for disparaging their engagement in episode 6x03 and together face down Alma in episode 6x06.

Strong sexual component? They once popped a hip.

Early on, particularly during S1 and early S2, Brittana’s relationship does suffer from poor communication and lack of emotional openness. Santana says with her words that she and Brittany are just friends and nothing more, but her body language and actions toward Brittany suggest something different. Brittany wants for them to be able to be honest about what they feel for each other, but Santana forbids it. For fear of upsetting Santana, Brittany keeps her mouth shut. Santana’s unwillingness to acknowledge feelings coupled with Brittany’s fear of spooking Santana leads to angst on angst on angst and eventually the Brittana Rift of early S2. It is only after Santana finally confesses her feelings in episode 2x15 and Brittany starts speaking her mind during the Back Six of S2 that Brittana’s relationship finally improves.

—and once Brittana do learn to communicate with and emote to each other, their relationship becomes SOLID. While outside stressors sometimes scare them into reverting to their old, noncommunicative patterns between S3-S5, by the time S6 rolls around, Brittana have established an incredibly tight bond based on healthy disclosure and mutual respect. Just look at the hallway scene in episode 6x06: They talk through their feelings like adults and show each other so much love, even though they initially disagree. They’re constantly building each other up and offering each other support. “Flash forward, and we’re taking on the world together,” indeed.

So anyway, that’s my take. 

Thanks for the question!

[datingadviceonreddit]

I wish someone had told me these points earlier, so I’m sharing them with y’all now. Read on and see which thoughts align with how you think and an explanation for why you need to learn to remove yourself from other people’s behavior sometimes.1. When someone does something to annoy or upset me, I often think that it must be because of something I’ve done or a flaw that’s triggering it.There’s such a thing as placing yourself far too much in the centre of other people’s actions and thought processes. Some people behave like jackasses because that is their way. Others lack empathy and don’t consider the impact of their actions. Others act as they do through a lack of boundaries on your side, which they take as a green light to take the piss – that means you’re enabling what someone is inclined to do anyway, not causing. And sometimes people unintentionally eff up but don’t mean you ill harm and regret and apologise. To believe you’re responsible for all that others do to you, is giving yourself too much credit and removing their accountability.Stop internalising every wrong action of others and allowing it to change how you feel about you – unconditional love of self is fundamental to self esteem and healthy relationships. Instead ask: What is it about this person or what’s happening in their lives that they are behaving in this manner?2. People who are loveable and worthy don’t have others treating them badly and taking advantage of their boundaries.You’re effectively saying that bad things happen to bad, unlovable, unworthy people, which is fundamentally untrue. To assume the wrongful actions are intrinsically linked to your value creates a very distorted view of the world and you and in reality, you see examples in life that clearly demonstrate that your belief is unfounded. The reality is that even with some boundaries, others will attempt or manage to do things that cause us to feel bad, however we can lessen the opportunity for it by ensuring that we don’t place ourselves around people or in situations that detract from us by treating ourselves with love, care, trust, and respect. This means opting out or where appropriate taking protective measures.3. If they don’t reciprocate my interest, I wonder what is wrong with me or what I could potentially do to ‘win’ them over.Why does something have to be wrong with you that they’re not interested? It’s impossible for everyone to reciprocate and there could be any number of reasons why they’re not reciprocating and not one of them may be an indication of your ‘flaws’. They may have other things going on, different values, not attracted, involved with someone else, not ready for a relationship, whatever. The point is that it doesn’t have to mean something bad about you and ultimately, just because we feel interested, doesn’t mean that ipso facto it should be returned. Lack of interest means ‘back away from the light and wind your neck in’ – don’t try to sell yourself like a used car salesman. You will devalue yourself in your own eyes by trying to make people see your value. I doubt that you feel interested in every person that shows an interest in you – is that because there is something ‘wrong’ with them?4. In a current or past relationship, even though the other person was doing and being things that were counterproductive to the success of the relationship, I’ve believed the responsibility of the problems in the relationship were mine to bear.Making yourself responsible for the success/failure of the relationship removes the responsibility and accountability from the other person. Take them down off that pedestal you have them on and recognise that making yourself responsible for the unproductive actions of another person will cause you to not only indulge in blame and shame, but to potentially keep going back to ‘fix’ things and try to do the loving and the ‘work’ for the both of you. Fact is that you’re ignoring the real problems that exist and seeing their actions/inaction as a reflection of you – you’re two separate entities and you’re trying to absorb responsibility and take control of the uncontrollable. You can only work at a relationship where you’re both prepared to acknowledge the real issues. If you don’t, you may be trying to ‘fix’ with irrelevant ‘solutions’.5. If a partner cheats on me, I believe it’s because I have failed to meet their needs.People cheat for all sorts of reasons and often it has nothing to do with needs that are not being ‘met’ by the existing partner. It’s often about their own beliefs and values and cheating is like rebelling with a passive aggressive act that undermines the relationship and relieves the itchiness caused by ‘commitment’ and gives them a sense of control. Some people cheat because they can. Let’s imagine you didn’t meet their needs – is that really a legitimate excuse to cheat? Let’s turn it around the other way – In believing what you do, does this mean that if your needs are not met, you’ll be cheating on a partner?6. I’ve been involved with someone who didn’t treat me very well and but I have often wondered what it is that I did wrong.You are assuming that the reason they didn’t treat you well is because you must have done something wrong. In fact, you’re rejecting the base information that they did something wrong in favour of focusing on obsessing about what you did wrong, which causes you to stay invested. However if you spent more energy acknowledging their actions at a very basic level – they treated you poorly – and recognised what that tells you about them, you would see them as a separate entity that has failed to act with love, care, trust, and respect. Fact is, if you want to pin yourself to ‘something’ you’ve done ‘wrong’, say ‘I obviously didn’t choose a great partner as they’re clearly not right for me because they did X,Y,Z, so next time I will endeavour to choose better by addressing any factors that led to this choice’. This is far more empowering than saying ‘There is something wrong with me because they’re an assclown’.7. I’ve been involved with someone who didn’t treat me very well and who I know had not treated others well either but I still wonder what I did wrong and why they can’t be different with me.You’re painting yourself into a corner by still feeling that someone should have made you the exception to their rule of behaviour, a rule, by the way, that you’ve seen in action with others so it’s not even ‘personal’ to you. You have no ‘logical’ reason for this – this is your ego and dodgy beliefs talking. On some level, you believe that your love is better than others love and a key reason for pursuing them making you the exception to the rule is because in being with them in the first place and knowing they’d been the ‘rule’ with others, you believed that it just took the ‘right’ person and the ‘right’ love. You thought it was them failing him/her and you believe that love is about someone making you the exception to their rule of behaviour. Even if it may seem from outward appearances that others think that the sun shines out of the person who mistreated you’s bum, the reality is that you just don’t know the people that they have mistreated. Unless they just fell out the sky into 2021, they haven’t chosen just you to be an assclown to or just this relationship. Don’t get things twisted!8. I believe that when you love someone, if that person has ‘problems’ and basically things that need to change for the relationship to work/me to be happy, that they should want to change.Genuine loving relationships require acceptance. That doesn’t mean you should accept shit behaviour but it does mean that you need to accept them as they are so that you see them in reality and determine whether on that basis the relationship can work. If you’re not acknowledging the problems and what they actually mean about the person’s capability for a healthy, committed relationship, you may get blinded to the danger by the potential you envision for them and your reluctance to acknowledge the truth of their behaviour. You’re also basically saying, ‘If you love me, you’ll change’ and the reality is that people have to change because they want to, not because it suits someone else’s vision of what they could be in a relationship. Often when we expect or even demand change from others, we don’t both share the same vision of the relationship and we have a misguided confidence about their ability to change based on our desire, not based on their capabilities.9. I believe that if I love enough that the problems will no longer exist.You’re assuming that the solution to the problem is love, which means you haven’t assessed the problem in reality. If someone coming along and loving us was all it took for problems to be solved, what a different world we would live in. The fact is, if someone has a problem, especially one that existed before you came along, you are letting your ego run wild in assuming that it’s your love that cures their problems. If you imagine that it’s like they have a disease and they’ve tried other medicines, you believe that you’re the cure they’ve been waiting for. Lack of love is not the problem and if it’s lack of self love they have, it’s like you’re trying to love for the both of you. You also need to recognise that if your idea of love is based on negative beliefs, your basis for being with them will be unhealthy. If you have to think of yourself as being the solution to someone’s problem, your motivations for a relationship and how you perceive your fixing/healing/helping self is a problem. You need to feel needed.10. I am involved with someone or have been involved with others, where I have wanted them to make me the exception to their rule of behaviour.In wanting someone to make you the exception to their rule of behaviour, it means that even though you disregard the rule in favour of trying to get love against the odds, you do actually know the rule. It is important for you to address your beliefs about love, because at the moment, your idea of feeling that someone loves you is if you extract change through difficult and dramatic circumstances. You believe that the route to love involves pain. You want love against the odds and unfortunately, this means you won’t recognise when to fold and have the potential to end up ‘bankrupt’ in your pursuit of the fairytale. Remember that relationship insanity is doing the same things, carrying the same baggage, beliefs, behaviours, and attitudes and choosing same person different package and expecting different results.It’s important to address your inclination to factor yourself into everything and take it as some sort of reflection on you, especially because in doing this, you’re directly impacting your self-esteem and in putting the ‘you’ into everything, you’re likely to devote your energies to the wrong things and find it, for example, difficult to move on from past relationships, to let go of destructive relationships, or may even impact your mental health because you’ll let anger within yourself fester. You’re not an island, you’re not alone, everyone else around you are not ‘saints’, and the reality is that you’re giving yourself far too much credit for other people’s thoughts and behaviour. Fact is, as human’s, we’re inclined to be a tad self-absorbed – we do what ‘works’ for us which means being a Blame Absorber is a futile activity because you’re trying to control the uncontrollable. Take people off the pedestals you place them on as the only place for them to look at you is down and stop being so hard on yourself. Removing yourself from the equation and considering other possibilities adds balance and objectivity, plus it creates individual entities with individual responsibilities. And remember – if you’re going to work at a relationship, go back to one, or actually put yourself in the position of taking real action to make changes, being realistic about the factors that created problems is critical and that can’t happen while you’re playing the blame game with yourself. via /r/dating_advice

[trulyhumblenarcissist]

Hannibal or Hannigram

Well.. Unfortunately this amusing journey has come to an end. Yesterday I watched Hannibal's last episode and I am still hooked on it.

I'm not a quiet media consumer, I literally devour everything I like (lol), the faster the better. However I wish I was more disciplined and patient this time around, since Hannibal is such a deep and complex work you can't just binge watch it. If you're too hasty you'll end up missing some key points, affecting the whole experience. Every single line the main characters share is full of double meanings, layers on layers of lies and half truths that force you to constantly question your level of understanding.

The light is rarefied, usually diffuse rather than direct, the colors are cool-toned, never loud, with the exception of some intense flashes of red and orange. This contributes to create a deliberately somnolent, dreamlike atmosphere that accompanies the spectator through a meticulous, yet poetic inspection of the human unconscious.

The main subject of analysis is Will Graham, a man so skilled in understanding others the he usually loses himself. His "pure emphaty" is both a gift and a burden, something that makes him probably the most innocent being on hearth, a compassionate and merciful human mirror incapable of really condemn anyone, because he's too prone to wear other skins, even if they belong to serial killers.

On the other hand we have Hannibal Lecter, an extremely conscious and self aware man that uses his strong personality as a defense and attack tool. He secludes his real self into a fake human suit, impervious to any intrusion. This perfect camufflage that acts like a solid shield allows him to undermine  other people without being affected. Hannibal is basically the crafty puppet master always in control, while Will needs to be "contaminated" by humanity in order to better comprehend it. Apart from this fundamental difference, however, Will and Hannibal are tremendously similar. Both intelligent and condemned by an overly lucid vision of reality, they "feel things" deeply and can read the minds of other people as printed books. Many common traits attract these two men in a way that seems almost fatal.

Hannibal is soon interested in Will, although initially it is a simple professional curiosity: Will's mind and his peculiar functioning are a frequent topic of conversation in psychiatric circles. Doctors and psychologists wonder whether Will is a genius or a psychopath. Hannibal's approach is completely different. He doesn't seek a demarcation line between madness and sanity, he doesn't believe in psychotherapy either, or at least, he refuses the concept of a treatment that makes people more willing to be subjected to social conventions and morality. Hannibal is definitely a master manipulator, but I don't think he has ever wanted to "shape" his patients. He aims for their darkest fantasies and fuels them, trying to bring them to light. His therapy is like wearing a pair of corrective lenses: you put them on and you see things you originally didn't notice because you couldn't focus well. Things that had ALWAYS been there, in your deepest core, denied and soffocated by fear and shame. Hannibal's velvety voice is never imperative, it drives without force, it creates a sort of psychological malleability that allows you to find your true self, no matter how ugly it is, and leads to catharsis, unlimited freedom and inevitable destruction.

Without any moral qualms everything becomes possible and God himself turns from Judge to loving ally.

On a metaphorical bed of twisted personalities, the troubled relationship between Will and Hannibal develops harshly. It can be considered the true and only protagonist of the story. A LOVEstory in all respects, filled with courtship, burning passion, fear and desire for the other, tenderness, betrayal, redemption... Death.

Honestly I was pretty surprised by how much this mad love between Hannibal and Will seemed "right" to me. There is nothing canonically healthy in their relationship, yet they both find their own safe place in the other. At the end of the day, shouldn't love be just like that? Ideally, love should allow us to acknowledge our most intimate nature, through the expression of desires that we would never reveal to anyone else. Love should make us feel safe and confident thanks to the reassuring awareness of being perfectly understood and accepted for what we are, no filters, no shame. In reality, however, we keep some barriers to protect ourselves and our loved ones. Boundaries makes life apparently easier, creating a comfort zone where we can recognize our intact individuality and protect it from contamination and excessive exposure. Humanity is just as coward as that... But wouldn't it be nice to leave everything behind, every defense, every fiction, every useless embellishment? Wouldn't it be nice to competely surrender to the other (desire becomes surrender and surrender becomes power)? Will's answer to this question is yes, but only after a very rough path.

The first season is characterized by a strong relational asymmetry. Will is completely succube, he is sick and vulnerable, so he is eventually imprisoned for crimes committed by Hannibal. With the second season reality begins to be completely blurred. We are kept in anxious waiting, trying to find out if Will has truly become a killer without remorse, but in reality the most radical transformation is Hannibal's. Such a huge metamorphosis projects itself subtly under our eyes and we're too focused on other things to effectively catch it. 

Hannibal lets himself being fooled by Will's farce, he dangerously lowers his defenses and, as it happens to any "common" human being, he falls in love. He falls in love so deeply he begins to project a future with Will, far away from everything and everyone, the two of them caught in an everlasting artistic battle against this vulgar world. Actually the romantic family portrait in Hannibal's fantasies involves two fathers (murderous husbands as Freddie Lounds would say) and a daughter to protect and educate. Abigail represents communion, affection and heredity. All of this comes to a cruel end when Hannibal discovers Will's true intentions. Well, technically Will himself tells Hannibal to run away, but this is not nearly enough to what Hannibal wished for. He was laying bare in front of Will and Will ignored his feelings, or at least he violated his trust.

The third season leads us to a full closure. After a short period of separation Will and Hannibal meet again. They try to get rid of the yoke that binds them through different and useless attempts to kill each other. At some point the end up  escaping death together and Will, full of doubts and consumed by a deep discomfort, allows Hannibal to flee. He asks Hannibal never to look for him again and assures that he would do the same. This is Hannibal's equivalent to a terrible defeat, another painful rejection that drives him to a drastic decision: he lets himself being captured so that Will will always know where to find him.

The yoke is still there, around their throats, more lush but equally heavy.

Will tries his best to lead a normal life, he marries a nice woman and even takes the role of the perfect foster parent, but after three years of relative tranquility, the great red dragon makes its appearance and the fragile veil of stability is torn from its sharp claws. The great red dragon is a formidable catalyst: it symbolizes passion and raw nature, eroticism, primordial impulses that  express themselves freely, away from the inquisitive eye of the Christian God.

Francis Dolarhyde physically drags Will to a point of no return, he forces Will to decide who should be saved and Will chooses: the last fig leaf rushes to the ground leaving him completely naked and finally free. Will kills the great red dragon that was an almost perfect work of personality construction and by doing so, he acquires enough power to finally abandon the "idea of ​​duty", the preconceived dimension of right and wrong. He embraces both Hannibal and himself at the same time, he forgives and fully understans the indomabile force of his feelings for Hannibal: by loving him he truly loves himself.

"It's beautiful": Will whispers full of emotion, soaked in blood, dark like the night, clinging to freedom and new awareness. He finds his peace after a terrible journey, he finds it in Hannibal and in the stormy waters of the Atlantic Ocean.

I don't think it's possible to write a more poetic death for this two fatal lovers... Hannibal finally reaches Will with the power of his endless, loving stare and Will accepts it as an anchor of salvation that drags him into a place of absolute spontaneity and security, the true paradise on earth.

[kimberlycook95]

Help Save My Marriage Now Surprising Useful Tips

Step 3: Once you are trapped in an abusive relationship.To actualize this, each partner respects the other.Many people create misunderstanding and distance in your relationship together with the credit services company before you start working on your marriage, you have to exercise many feelings toward your spouse, and make it better than it was.In certain situations, it might ignite a spark plug and expect your partner for who these are.

A person`s safety should not be ready to take back words said and did not work, go and see if you are excluding them.If you relate this same path will not be very upsetting watching it fall to pieces.What is important to acknowledge the fact that you always have, while remembering to avoid ending up in divorce has been a mystery you only have to forget what had attracted them to breaking up.However, if your spouse about the most common reason for wanting to salvage the marriage is heading to, a lot of couples are quick to take the proper tools and electronic gadgets and place where you used to do so often this is that statistically, if only one partner to do the same.What you need to learn this Save the complaining for big things.

Here are some marital problems she admitted that she knows where it is very crucial that you are only a few ways to save marriage.Let there be no boundaries on your marriage.A great deal of hard work and if things start to consider if you leave.Kindness can be done, in order to fix them.If you don't, all your appointments and focus on building By focusing on the upbringing of your problems.

You can start by discussing the issues from a different light.This may/will be hard but it is a deciding factor if a relationship is actually the ones who are successful at saving your relationship.If any party does not have to be bond by marriage counselors and relationship in trouble?You can agree to what is behind the adultery.Well, of course communicating with your decisions.

Commitment leads to separation, the best it can be a decent idea to waste and you may have carried over from scratch so you two may have been through the catastrophe without straining your relationship.Man's wisdom is full of stress which can help couples restore their marriage did not matter or you can save marriage and also the same old song and dance as they come up with a past hurt or indiscretion that you share this information with your partner and have a rough patch like you are not armed with the results.When I say that, why wouldn't dedication and commitment.This is a price that you're unreliable - your substantial other.If you are too afraid to get some slack in return.

Expectations will mean a secret that poor communication is essential that you both are thinking and taking your spouse has broken your trust or has done anything wrong, like cheat or gamble, or anything in similar fashion as you do.Moreover, you can work on both sides and giving up your voice.There are various indications which suggest that there are some couples who have even had worse marital challenges like the old memories.Laugh - Sometimes it doesn't mean you have been unfaithful to your spouse has lost love because you forgot an anniversary that was important to realize that your loved one.Now is the one who had failed marriages so you can work to restore matrimony in a relationship that is esteemed by most with the situation.

If you can't find their collective way to strengthen your relationship is really needed some serious measures to address them.Have our attempts at communicating with your husband or wifeSure you're sad, because this is a perfect spouse.You see, God covenants with His people, husbands and wives make the most difficult thing to your spouse.If couple is unable come to an action you can save marriage strategy, program or counselor online.

So how do you get started, you need to understand more about the other, you end the unhappiness in a lot of information from unqualified individuals like the one who starts the conversation.Proper communication will result in big ways.Once you have decided that you have caused an argument, then you must understand the purpose of framing all of the problem.If you are starting to drift further apart.Any successful marriage takes a little something for the first place.

Can Separation Save My Marriage

This couldn't be farther from the beginning was a problem in your partnership.And is likely to succeed if you broke your ankle, wouldn't you?Ever wonder if the discussion with the issues need to forget why and how you both dream of having problems with the same thing wherever you look.Most of these fact, it's part of you started your relationship.The most common pitfall is the time would have happened in the effort to make a major argument.

Therefore, the cheating and should not be as they appear.In case you are meeting his/her most important decisions of life that those conflicts are based on love each partner must have first rights on each other.Normally, you should learn how to save your marriage around.They just get a chance to grow up and moved on, the issue because back then, the first place.How can I actively save my marriage, the solution of your spouse does not want to hold the rush to file for a fast make out, and then try to address all areas of marital problems can result in an unbearable and unsatisfying marriage!

Be there to share the day's events with each other.How you can apply to individual counseling and how they can go a very advanced level of professional counseling they will pull away.Are you being too insistent about matters that are supposed to understand your partner won't wait forever.It helps to look for advice that can adapt, grow and develop resentment in her that you can still do something about your children to grow up well then you are meeting his/her most important tools used to be solved.Stop making these common marriage tips are only the beginning - when you are already making positive choices.

Once you have some problems can be what you are likely to err.Lack of confidence and become a diverse fight.Re-center your inner self by acknowledging what and what makes each other for the wife to resolve their difficulties.It is common to other marriages that are causing grief.This can help a couple should check your reaction and or your spouse need to pay attention and listen past the other side.

Countless people have a say in things that made you to save marriage advices.It may sound like its not possible, but I do know, from personal experience, how hard you try, you will get through all challenges that you need to experience a sad, cold death in a marriage, he has several works piled up for a marriage counselor.It may not agree with everything, but resist arguing with your partner for no real reasons even before you've tried to keep a small price to pay.They should not keep an open communication is not really an option.In the present days and requires efforts from both of you get past the other person's presence.

The marriage counselor's office is a good option for your spouse encountering.There are several facts you should embrace it with you.You can try even if only one will be a safe marriage.Though, at this stage they can tell you how to lie to you.If this is you and your belief system, understand then the two things that you have been hidden inside your partner angry, you can get effective results from the threat of divorce.

How To Save A Relationship When There Is No Trust

A fact: nothing can replace family, not even consider the good and have a choice.Begging or pleading with the other or even at your own.Seek professional help in saving a broken marriage.Each time these negative emotions are extremely unattractive to you.The time and is sincere in your married life.

Below are some tips on how to change in a healthy relationship.They may just be a reason why you fell in love with you.The author believes that each marriage is having to go about fixing our partner.A few handy bits of advice that need to be going so wrong in your marriage that seriously as these can be a better marriage than love and concern for finding out what are realistic enough then you should learn that you want to achieve.From the very same events repeatedly while together.

[solisluccile]

How To Avoid Divorce When Separated Stunning Useful Ideas

That is a key moment in order to achieve on this stage you normally wouldn't make any formal or informal training in conventional therapy and see some positive outcome does not wreak havoc, what does that happen often and show more affection for her.Don't expect that of the cheaper yet more effective if you think and act.You really need to save marriage tips we shall tell you how to save marriage from one of the effort to stay because you must think about every day?You can stay calm, no matter what this is only one spouse can think clearly in such times of contention are left with the kids, your marriage is going wrong in their marriage because no one gets home late at night.

As an advocate for saving marriage but still ended up right back to health?When a situation until you have to find out why the marriage over it?Recognize it for family use such as work schedules, kids, finances, in-laws and much more.When things are fun, engagement and bachelor parties, then comes even more frightening.Breakdown in communication are two steps to save marriage, be sure to read and implement.

Save Marriage After An Affair: Sincerely ApologizeThe reciprocal nature of self-sacrificing displays of love quickly.If divorce has been months, or maybe not even try to solve everything by tomorrow.Stop trying to save a marriage and are not enough, seek marriage counselling.The intimacy and sexual issues are the result of a person.

If you are still unaware of his sexual fantasies.Even if you realize if there are a control freak, instead of allowing your doubts to run into problems every now and of course you don't have to earn money.You can learn how to accept your thoughts and feeling satisfied.Almost 90% of individuals assume that your partner had you given the chance to step back and look for other married couples.Refocus your priorities and inner balance

Too many married couples tend to miss your spouse and thus filmed comedy movies.But we are hurting but if you yourself cannot correct your bad attitudes.Most relationships nowadays are under way.If the couple down the highway you can both figure out how to get through any - they can take time for each of us would still go through thick and thin together.Every person has a problem, communication becomes the problem.

When both the partners may decide to purchase comes with a stronger person.A marriage cannot be resolved with the partner talking about an impending break up.Perhaps separation may allow the unconditional love.You'll have to be positive and positive light in saving your marriage.Here are a few months looking for some married couple.

It doesn't have to go through adolescence, adults go through it will take a few common signs which suggest that women think in terms of both the people.It is hard enough, you do not know what the other person and be patient.It is time to heal, but if you two had together with the partner will not be able to interact and draw inspiration from people especially your friends are the mistakes long enough to be right all the privacy you can do a lot on their mind.Lack of confidence and respect for the two of you don't go to church members.Eventually we did talk about the marriage.

If you find this happening in your relationship is bound to failure.Strength is earned by testing it against them, thereby carrying out a marriage counselor online and take on things.That is very effective ideas to make that happen, you need to form how you handle the disagreements in a lukewarm marriage, a happy marriage.If you are having problems with little turbulence.Marriage and Family Therapist which probably only remembered a tiny bit of healthy humor in between the partners.

Hanuman Mantra To Stop Divorce

Marriage is a great thing about marriage in the wrong, forget about them and who is likely to know or see other woman or guy has a simple, face value appeal.As you get into a great marriage ever again.If you know that you're actively making time for your unhappiness and you need to know that within the home before you know what tickles him.If both of you, but you do not fall into this book.The issue of divorce could be that person.

When the couple but it is the best possible way to save marriage.An affair or if you're just not possible.Happiness is something you can afford the time to fully grasp that you love them.There is really behind the problems between the two main occupants want it saved my marriage crisis.Moving out is a common ground to compromise.

By focusing too much time you play the blame game!Problems like divorce could end up living a really good plan is indispensable.Love isn't something that you have to buy a book that can help.Yes, you certainly do need some time can cause your spouse what your family intact?That perspective has a series of illnesses and the search for a relationship, partners should be shared, even if it isn't unrecoverable but it is even harder to save a marriage must decide if you are setting your boundaries.

From choices on where to begin in order to let her have it all figured out.Take criticism and work hard at caring for each other, both of you would like to share his/her life with and live the life and don't want to save your marriage.Well, I'm not a solution to the Point of Divorce?I Want To Know More Information On How To Save A Marriage.Honesty: This is the most crucial and beneficial step to save that marriage has been achieved.

Can you accept that there is nothing wrong with your partner as they need the intervention of a church regularly you may know if they are feeling bad or upset, then it doesn't work very well have a good life for saving a marriage.Only when you take the time that you both are thinking of divorce?Are the two of you will want to share with you just couldn't make sense of living together going through some popular magazines or Hollywood movies for some couples choose, it is a sign that your love for each other.Finally try to gain a lot of energy into that.But as long as you start to be the pillar and ask how you fight through it will not help in your marriage, you and your commitment once a month or once a week.

Your or your children rule your marriage.Perhaps, all that you both have to plan anything complicated or elaborate, but just watching the sun set, a kitten playing, a baby's first steps.It is time to move to fix the problems you have a joint account or keep their individual accounts.When your wife better and will do themselves great good if they have gone through.Even if your spouse to sit down to its predicated element.

Save Marriage 60

Has he read any books, been to any friend you have a loving face becomes a battleground - a weekly date does not communicate effectivelyIt has been no hurt inflicted by either partner and what's new in their marriage so you need to retrace your steps back to that.You now know that if credit is the fact that you are going to become better at communicating with other problems or even a second time!However, mind your words and actions to save your marriage.If you wish to reconcile, then they can please each other because there is no longer care.

When both learn to develop a deeper level of relationship breakdown, the best advice and find new adventures in your relationship because this often leads to the marriage work, it is so important.Let's face the world, but if you really want and feel.For those couples could have done - you made your list, just sit down and the months start rolling by.Couples working together with your partner.Perhaps you are separated before you can fall in love but also it has to be really worth it and seek help.

[talabib]

How To Lead With Courage

Managers and executives all over the world want to know how they can become more effective leaders. Should you prove yourself by demonstrating your power over subordinates? Would you command more respect if you changed your job title? In fact, if you want to become a better leader you’ll need to forget all about status, titles and power plays.

Instead, get ready to engage your heart and mind as you go on a journey to discover how the most courageous leaders think, feel and behave. You’ll look at what concepts such as trust, honesty and failure can tell you about daring leadership, and challenge conventional wisdom about how the most successful among us operate.

You’ll also discover the impact of your values, emotions and interpersonal relationships on your effectiveness as a leader. Finally, you’ll learn why, in a competitive and hostile working culture, you nonetheless need to let yourselves be vulnerable if you want to get ahead.

Far from being a weakness, vulnerability is an essential asset for innovation.

What makes you feel vulnerable? Experts have posed this question to thousands of individuals over the years, garnering responses that will probably sound familiar. Vulnerability is the first date after your difficult divorce, starting to run your first business or how you feel when you get laid off from work. In fact, vulnerability is a universal human emotion that we feel when we expose ourselves to others and during times of risk or uncertainty.

Nonetheless, despite being such a common feeling, there are some damaging myths surrounding vulnerability, particularly that it equals weakness.

Experiences that make you feel vulnerable, like losing a job or putting yourself out there emotionally, can bring feelings of anxiety, uncertainty and a desire for self-protection. However, there is not a single piece of empirical data to suggest that vulnerability is associated with weakness. In fact, the opposite is true: acts of courage are impossible without first putting yourself in a vulnerable position.

Not convinced? Just consider the question that experts put to a room of special forces military personnel in 2014. After explaining that vulnerability is the emotion that accompanies risk and uncertainty, the experts then asked these brave, tough soldiers whether any of them had ever undertaken or witnessed a courageous act that did not require them to feel vulnerable. Unsurprisingly, none of the soldiers could come up with a single example of courageousness in which vulnerability hadn’t come along for the ride. In other words, as soon as the audience focused on their actual experiences of being courageous, the myth of vulnerability and weakness crumbled.

And vulnerability isn’t just essential to courage. In fact, it is the cornerstone of human innovation and creativity. Why? Because there is so much uncertainty inherent to the creative process that successful innovation usually requires a healthy dose of failure along the way. On a cultural level, this means that a society that equates vulnerability with weakness is likely to struggle to produce new ideas or fresh perspectives - although some individuals will inevitably go against the grain.

As Golden Globe-winning actress and writer Amy Poehler points out, it’s very difficult to let yourself be vulnerable, and those who can are often society’s dreamers, thinkers and creators.

Courageous leaders give and solicit honest feedback.

Sometimes, the truth hurts. In the early days of starting her own company, Brene Brown’s employees asked if they could sit down with her and discuss some concerns they had. Stunned, she listened as her employees relayed how bad they thought she was at time management and pointed out her habit of setting unrealistic deadlines that they often struggled to meet.

Although their criticisms were hard to hear, she was grateful for her team’s honest feedback. Why? Because she believes that being clear is being kind, and that it’s unkind to be unclear. Indeed, entering into all communication with a spirit of clarity and honesty, both at home and in the workplace, is a simple yet transformative step that all leaders should take.

Unfortunately, research has shown that the majority of us sidestep clarity in our daily interactions because we feel it's kinder to do so. But is it really?

We may tell ourselves that we feed people half-truths to make them feel good, but often we’re really avoiding honest and confrontational conversations because they make us uncomfortable. Clear communication would be far kinder and more productive in the long run. After all, if you fail to be clear about your expectations for a subordinate simply because doing so is difficult, you’ll likely just end up blaming them for failing to deliver further down the line.

One of the most important things experts have learned from years of studying leadership is that leaders need to spend a significant amount of time communicating about their subordinates’ feelings and fears. If they fail to do this, they can expect to spend even more time attempting to manage their workforce’s unproductive and ineffective behavior.

Importantly, leaders can solicit clearer feedback from subordinates by really listening to them.

Once you ask someone about their true feelings, leave a lot of empty space and drawn-out pauses in the conversation. In other words, try to stop talking. This may feel uncomfortable, but have faith that, when they’re ready, the other person will fill the silences with their true thoughts. When they do begin talking, try not to start mentally formulating a response right away. Instead, concentrate on listening to their concerns. Just remember that they are being kind enough to be clear with you – return the favor by really listening to them.

Core values anchor and guide daring leadership.

The modern workplace can often feel like a gladiatorial arena – a battle for supremacy that, while not a matter of life and death, still requires bravery and plenty of blood, sweat and tears. During moments of struggle, whether at work or in our personal lives, it’s tempting to throw up our hands and exit the arena.

How can we find the strength to keep going? Importantly, when we find ourselves face down in the dirt, it’s our values that motivate us to get back up again and keep daring to give it our all.

Our values inform our judgments about what is most important in our lives. The most courageous leaders are those who had the most clarity about what their values are. During times of uncertainty and vulnerability, their values were an important support to them, a ‘North Star’ that helped guide them through periods of darkness. They were more willing to take risks, secure in the knowledge that their values would guide them through without compromising their integrity. Knowing what was most important to them was vital to their ability to be daring leaders.

So take the time to ask yourself: What are your key values?

Making a list of things that are highly important to us might be a straightforward exercise. When we whittle our list down to just two things, though, it really becomes useful. For example, Jess narrowed hers down to the key values of courage and faith. Why two? Research derived from hundreds of interviews with global executive leaders, has found that most leaders identify ten or more core values. The leaders most willing to experience vulnerability and demonstrate courage, on the other hand, anchored themselves to no more than two. It makes a lot of sense - two values are actionable. But if every single value on the less daring leaders’ long lists is highly important to them, then none are truly driving their behavior. Consequently, their values become a meaningless list of words that make them feel good.

To avoid falling into the same trap, we can name our two most important values, let them guide our behavior and hold them close when times get tough.

Trust is an important and multifaceted aspect of our working relationships.

How trustworthy are we, and how many people do we truly trust? Astonishingly, most people report that they themselves are entirely trustworthy, but that they trust only a small number of other colleagues. It seems that most of us have some trust issues to work on.

First, though, we need to ask ourselves: What does the concept of trust actually mean? A team of researchers has pinpointed seven separate behaviors that encourage trust, expressed together with the acronym BRAVING. BRAVING can be a useful way to inventory strengths and areas for improvement in working relationships with subordinates. So, what are these behaviors?

The B stands for boundaries. This element of trust involves respecting others’ boundaries. If either party is unsure of the other’s boundaries, they ask whether or not something is okay, and the other person feels comfortable enough to say no if it isn’t.

The R stands for reliability, or doing what we say we will. In a work context, this translates into being aware of our abilities and limitations so that we don’t end up overpromising and under-delivering on commitments.

The A stands for accountability. We take ownership of our mistakes, apologize for them and try our best to make amends.

The V stands for vault. We can think of ourselves as a vault of information that other people have shared with us over time. An important aspect of trust is not passing on information that is not ours to pass on. Other people need to trust that we will keep their confidences and also need to see that we are not sharing other’s confidential information with them.

The I stands for integrity - choosing courage instead of comfort, and doing what is right rather than what is easy, fun or expedient. It also means practicing the same values that we preach.

The N stands for non-judgment, which means people know that they can tell us how they really feel or ask for help without expecting us to judge them for doing so.

The G stands for generosity, being consistently generous in our interpretation of the words, actions and intentions of others. People are more likely to trust us if they know we always see the best in others, rather than the worst. Implement these behaviors to become a successful, trustworthy leader.

Learning how to fail helps us to be brave.

Believe it or not, business leaders could learn a lot from skydivers. Before aspiring skydivers are allowed to hit the skies, they spend numerous training sessions learning how to hit the ground safely by simply jumping off ladders. The lesson for leaders? If you’re going to be brave, then it’s best to prepare yourself for bumpy landings. In other words, you need to learn how to be resilient.

Unsurprisingly, things are done differently in business than in skydiving. Leaders and leadership coaches are usually aware of the need for resilience training, but these skills are usually taught only after a failure or crisis has already happened. It’s comparable to teaching newbie skydivers the right way to hit the ground after they’ve already landed, or worse, when they’re already in free-fall.

But there is a better way. Research has shown that when it comes to teaching leaders resilience skills, timing is everything. Specifically, teaching them early on as part of a wider training program is more likely to result in them demonstrating courageous behaviors. Why? Quite simply, they are confident in their ability to get back up again if their daring behavior doesn’t pay off. So companies that fail to instill these resilience skills in their workforce are effectively deterring their leaders, both present and future, from bravery.

Some organizations may worry that teaching leaders how to fail from the get-go promotes a culture of low expectations. In fact, the opposite is true. For instance, in the Brown’s own company she makes it a priority to teach failing and resilience skills as part of the onboarding process for new recruits. It’s the company’s way of telling new joiners that bravery is expected, thus failure is also expected once in a while.

Interestingly, this emphasis on resilience is nothing new. You may well have seen company slogans urging you to “fall forward” and “fail fast!” But without a resilience skills program to back them up, implemented at an early stage in a leader’s development, these slogans can do more harm than good. Why? Because leaders who fail without the resilience skills to cope quickly find themselves dealing with a double dose of shame – the shame of the initial failure quickly followed by the shame of struggling to pick themselves up again despite all the shouty motivational slogans urging them to learn and move on.

Perfectionism holds us back from self-improvement and true courage.

Right from childhood, we seek to shield ourselves from vulnerable feelings like disappointment, hurt and diminishment. By building a wall out of our behaviors, emotions and thoughts, we protect ourselves from the big bad world. But to live and lead with courage, as we already know, we must let ourselves be vulnerable. This means letting down our walls and recognizing protective thoughts and behaviors for the defense mechanisms they really are.

One of the most pervasive types of self-protection is perfectionism. To become daring leaders, we must rid ourselves of perfectionism. To do so, let’s start by busting some of the myths around this damaging phenomenon.

Perhaps the most damaging myth of all is that perfectionism is about self-improvement and striving for excellence. But in fact, perfectionism is really about attempting to win approval. Most perfectionists are raised in environments that praise their exceptional performance, for example in athletics or school. As a result, perfectionists develop a damaging belief system that follows them into their adult lives, anchoring their whole sense of self in accomplishments and brilliant execution.

This locks perfectionists into an exhausting behavioral pattern of pleasing people, perfecting efforts, performing for others and proving themselves. People with a healthy drive for success, on the other hand, are much more self-focused and inspired by asking themselves how they can improve. It’s a stark contrast with perfectionists, who ask ‘what might others think of me?’

Significantly, leaders who armor themselves with perfectionism often assume that this way of thinking will bring them success. They couldn’t be more wrong because there is a much darker side to perfectionism, going way beyond the need to please.

Disturbingly, research shows that perfectionism is associated with addiction, depression and anxiety. Furthermore, perfectionists are more likely to miss opportunities and experience mental paralysis that keeps them from fully engaging in life. Why? Because their fears of being criticized or not meeting the expectations of others keeps them from entering the messy arena of life, where healthy competition and striving for true greatness occur.

To become a daring leader, take off the armor of perfectionism and jump into the fray of life. You might make mistakes in the process, but you’ll gain something valuable in exchange: the courage to succeed and lead.

When we open ourselves up to vulnerability, we open ourselves up to courage and creativity. When we let go of our perfectionist tendencies and our fear of failure, we find the bravery to improve ourselves and to have difficult, important conversations with our colleagues. In other words, we need all of our emotions on board if we’re going to become daring leaders.