#selene 'i am in love with you and i think you might like me too but if im wrong then im definitely just joking ahahaha' | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

herearedragons · 4 months ago

Text

every word you shouldn't say (will come bubbling out of your throat)

Read on AO3

Summary: Something about sisters, wanting your loved ones to be happy, and admitting the truth to others - and to yourself. (two Watchers + hanahaki disease AU)

Content warning: emetophobia, hanahaki-related body horror

Spoiler warning: spoilers for two of Aloth's and Edér's possible epilogues, as well as for the Dyrford section of the game and the ending of The Master Below.

Additional notes: Helaine belongs to @curiouslavellan. Selene and Edér's situation is the same as in Cold Water; all the context needed for this fic is that because of something that happened during the events of POE1 she believes that if she starts a relationship, Ondra will use it to hurt her.

"Do you think there's something wrong with us?" Selene asks one day as they're having dinner.

They're having it in Helaine's room; not that there's something wrong with the dining hall of Caed Nua, but sometimes it's nice to have a more private atmosphere - and, besides, for some reason the Steward wasn't a fan of the Watchers eating their meal sitting on the floor where everyone could see.

"Nuh-uh," Helaine says with her mouth full of chicken. "I think everyone should have indoor picnics. It's fun."

It comes out more like "I fink erryon shoo hae indoo pikns, is faa", but that's fine, Selene's in her brain anyway.

"I'm not talking about the picnics," Selene says.

Helaine swallows.

"Then what? Being godlike? Watchers?"

Selene sighs and lowers her eyes, picking at her own plate. Helaine notes that she'd barely eaten anything.

At this point, she's starting to get an idea of what this might be.

Selene looks up at her again.

"Why haven't you told Aloth?" she asks.

Wha? -

"Told him what?"

"You know. How you feel about him. Why?"

Why does she want to talk about Aloth all of a sudden?

Helaine shrugs, maybe a little too quickly, and says:

"Well, he was going away to fight the Leaden Key. It wasn't the right time, and he wasn't ready, and... and I wasn't ready. You can't rush these things!"

She tries to keep her tone nice and light, but somehow the pitch of her voice keeps climbing higher and higher as she speaks, until the last phrase comes out squeaky.

She can feel her cheeks getting hot.

Alright, enough's enough.

"Selene, what's this about?"

"You're nervous," Selene notes.

"Well yeah I am, we were having an indoor picnic and then you just started questioning me!"

"...I asked one question." Selene sees her open her mouth again and continues, before Helaine has a chance to speak, "I was just wondering. When you said it wasn't the right time back then, I believed you, but... Is it ever going to be the right time?"

Helaine inhales, preparing a retort - and then bites down on it.

Nope. If a year of traveling with Durance has taught her anything, it's to know when she's being baited.

Time to take a page out of Selene's book.

Why is she talking about this? What's wrong with her?

She's sad, that much is obvious. And she asked about Aloth.

...Oh, of course it's that.

Helaine sighs in relief; she feels the fire in her hair surge and then dim down, pacified.

"Selene," she says, "Are you pining again?"

Selene grimaces and twirls her fork in her hand.

"...Yes."

"You should talk to him."

"No."

It doesn't even feel upsetting to hear that anymore. The words are rote, part of a ritual; that's what Helaine says every time, and that's what Selene answers every time. The real conversation hasn't even started yet.

Helaine sets her plate aside on the floor and leans forward, elbows on her knees, face propped up on the palms of her hands.

Will she get to Selene this time? She hasn't managed to, so far, but Selene has ceded the advantage by starting the conversation herself. She wants to hear what Helaine has to say.

Helaine feels a little thrill somewhere in her stomach that's suspiciously similar to what she feels when a fight is about to start. She can't help but compare these talks to combat; poking and prodding, dancing around her sister as she tries to find a gap in her defense.

Is it bad that she feels that way? She kind of doesn't want to think about that.

It's because she wants to help. She wants Selene to be happy, and Selene just - won't let herself be.

"But you miss him," Helaine says.

"Of course I do, but it doesn't matter."

"You miss him and it's bad enough that you're talking to me about this with words."

"Well, this isn't what I wanted to talk about," Selene says, "You're making this be about me; I asked you about a choice you made."

Helaine raises her eyebrows, smiling just a little:

"Oh and why are you suddenly interested in my love life? It's because you're thin-king about someone."

The "thinking" comes out almost singsong, teasing, but not in a cruel way - at least she hopes it doesn't come off cruel.

Selene shakes her head, sets her plate aside too, and covers her face with her hands.

"Yes. Yes, I am, and I shouldn't be, and it's torture. Is that what you wanted to hear? Well, you're right. You won. And I just wanted to ask..." She takes her hands away, and looks Helaine in the eye. "...Why aren't you doing what I can't? If I didn't have to keep quiet - if it wasn't about saving his life - I would have said something. I would have said it a hundred times by now. Why aren't you doing that?"

Her voice gets louder and sharper as she speaks; Helaine knows Selene's probably not really mad at her, but it's still kind of scary.

But, once she stops speaking, all that goes away; her shoulders slump, her head bows in defeat, and now she's just staring at her own hands instead of facing Helaine again.

She's not defending herself anymore. In the analogy of a fight, Selene has just thrown her weapon aside and then turned her back to Helaine, letting her do whatever the Hel she wants.

That's... not fun. And wrong. Selene doesn't do that.

Whatever's happening to her, it is bad, and it's worse than usual.

But she also just asked Helaine a question that's really hard to answer. She threw her sword away without looking, but somehow, it has wedged itself in the cracks of Helaine's armor, and now she's going to have to leave it in or pull it out.

Her stomach feels a little funny now. Does she know why she hasn't told Aloth yet? Is there a good reason not to?

Well… Yes, there is. They're so far apart right now; they trade the occasional letter whenever the circumstances allow, but those letters are rarer than Helaine hoped they’d be.

Not - not that she hoped for, or expected, anything from him. That wouldn't be fair. Aloth has a duty, and so does she, and that comes first. That makes sense.

She's been over this many times by now, in her own head; usually around this point she'd force herself to stop thinking about it and go hit some dummies with a sword.

But she can't bail on Selene.

Damn. She really did get her with this one.

"I don't know," Helaine says. "It just hasn't felt right to say it."

It feels a little scary to admit that; she's exposing a vulnerability, and a part of her feels like maybe all of this was a fakeout, like maybe Selene is going to turn around and lunge at her and force her to admit defeat.

But it’s relieving, too. Honesty feels right; it's the most her thing she can do, and it centers her after Selene's question has thrown her off balance.

Selene doesn't lunge.

She sighs again, and nods, and says:

"Alright. I trust you."

It's a relief, but Helaine realizes that she's too worried to really savor it.

"Listen, I know you've been saying no to this, but if it's really bad... You could just talk to him? You don't have to tell him, just talk to him. See if it makes you feel better."

Selene shakes her head.

"I don't even know where he is."

Helaine rolls her eyes:

"Alright, Miss Spymaster. You have a whole cipher network working for you; it’s not like you can't find him."

"I guess." Selene shrugs noncommittally. "...I don't think I should, though. I'm not really feeling that bad, and tracking him down would defeat the purpose of him going away in the first place."

"Remind me what that was?"

"...Letting him figure out a life that isn’t about gods or Watchers?"

"Riiight. Well, what do you think he'd say if he knew you were like this?" Helaine asks, pointing at Selene with the blunt end of the fork she hasn’t put down. “Do you think Edér would want you to hurt yourself?”

"Helaine, I'm fine," Selene says, a tinge of irritation creeping into her voice. "Well - not completely fine, maybe, but I've been not fine before. I know the difference."

Well, that's one thing Helaine can't argue with: Selene has more experience with not fine than anyone else she knows.

"...You're sure it's not that bad yet?"

"I'm sure."

Helaine doesn't really want to do this, but it's only fair. Selene just did that for her.

"Alright," she says. "I trust you."

"Thanks," Selene says, and then she coughs a little, and swallows.

"...You good?"

"Yeah. I need some water."

Selene sounds fine. She sounds... genuine. Her voice isn't weird or strained or anything like that.

Helaine still gets a bad feeling about it.

She pushes it down.

She just said that she trusts her sister.

Some say that the flower sickness comes from Hylea; that it's a benevolent curse meant to patch up quarrels between lovers and family members, so that joy and prosperity may blossom forth. Some claim that the sickness is brought on by Eothas; that it's a sign to give a second chance to the thoughts and dreams you have buried deep within yourself.

In Helaine's experience, though, you can get it over pretty much anything.

In her travels, she'd come across kith who got the flower sickness over unrequited love, unconfessed crimes, even religious doubt; there never seemed to be any rhyme or reason to it besides the fact that it was always cured by saying something you really didn't want to say.

In a way, it almost felt Magranite; not that Helaine ever thought the flower sickness was Magran's doing - if it was up to her, the goddess probably would have made the poor kith spit out burning coals - but there was an element of trial to it. Confront your weakness, or die.

And people would die, eventually; the truly stubborn ones would have their lungs fill up with petals until they could no longer breathe.

Still, eerie as it is, the flower sickness has always been something that happened to other people. That was the good part about an oath of honesty: if you tell no lies, they'll never weigh on you and fill your lungs with flowers.

Selene does a really good job of hiding her flowers, at first.

Sometimes there's the occasional stifled cough, or she leaves the room all of a sudden and comes back a minute later, but those slip-ups are few and far between, and give Helaine nothing to point a finger at.

Then, it gets worse.

They're in the main hall, listening to a visitor; some merchant from the newly rebuilt Gilded Vale, offering a business partnership. Helaine, as always, is in the Steward's chair, presiding as Lady of Caed Nua; Selene is standing over her left shoulder, silent, reading minds and relaying the information to her sister.

Except, as the merchant speaks, Helaine begins hearing a strange noise above her left ear.

Selene's breath becomes sharp, ragged; not loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, but upsettingly loud from where Helaine is sitting. There's a gurgle to it that sounds really bad.

Helaine is halfway through the motion of turning around to check on her when Selene's voice comes through in her mind:

...I have to step away for a second. Keep going without me.

And Helaine finishes turning around just in time to see the swish of Selene's cloak as she leaves, disappearing behind a door leading to the storage rooms.

Helaine cuts the meeting short.

She finds Selene doubled over behind a shelf stocked full of blank scrolls, wheezing out violent coughs. At her feet is a growing pile of tiny golden blooms; just as Helaine arrives, Selene takes a hand away from her mouth, full of the same flowers, and lets them tumble down into the pile.

They're Pilgrim's Crown flowers. Pretty common, reasonably edible, and - as Helaine has learned recently from one of her trainees - a common gift for lovers.

"Selene," Helaine says, "What the fuck."

Selene looks at her like she's about to say something, and then crumples into another coughing fit.

It's horrible to look at. It's horrible to listen to. Not because the flower sickness is repulsive to her - it is creepy, but Helaine has seen worse - but because every nerve in her body wants to help Selene, and she can't. Not now. Not here.

But there is something else she can do.

"Tell the Steward I'll be gone for a couple of days,” she says. “I'm getting Edér."

No!

Selene's voice in her mind, sharp, clear, nothing like the noises that are actually coming out of her mouth.

"Yeah, no, I'm not listening to you," Helaine says. "You're killing yourself. I'm not gonna just stand around and watch that happen."

Helaine, WAIT.

"What?"

Selene finally manages to take a breath that doesn't sound like it's being dragged through gravel, and says, out loud:

"We don't need to get him - let me finish - because there's another way to fix this. I'm working on it."

Helaine hesitates for a second.

Selene has lied to her once about this, already; she lied about being fine. She could just be lying again. If she got it into her head that she needs to die over a stupid crush -

"...What's that other way?" she asks.

"Flower sickness isn't actually lethal," Selene says. "There are ways to minimize it. There's medicine. You can live with it, and it won’t be much worse than a cold."

Helaine crosses her arms, guarding. If it's a trick, she's not going to fall for it. She's not.

"That sounds made up."

"It's not."

"Proof?"

"I've had flower sickness before."

Helaine blinks.

"You... have?"

"Back at the temple. People would get it all the time; kind of an occupational hazard for a Giftbearer."

"But... If it's curable, why don't people just - "

"Take the medicine?" Selene shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe we were the first to figure out the recipe. But honestly, it's kind of gross; if I could choose between confessing and drinking that, I'd just confess."

Helaine throws her hands up in frustration:

"Then do that! "

"What part of Ondra tried to kill him once and she'll do it again do you not understand?" Selene snaps.

Countered and forced to defend again, Helaine scowls, but doesn't manage to scrape together a good enough retort.

"...What do we need for the medicine?" she asks finally.

"I've already bought most of the ingredients; it's just taking a while for them to be delivered. The last one is one of your own flowers; you soak it in the solution for a day, then it's good to drink. It dissolves the flowers before you have to cough them out."

Selene looks down at the pile of Pilgrim's Crown at her feet.

"...I should probably save these ones."

Helaine doubts the medicine at first, but months go by, and Selene isn’t any worse for wear.

She doesn’t stop coughing completely, but she doesn’t look sick all the time anymore. She gets maybe a handful of flowers once a week, and sometimes weeks go by without a single petal.

Turns out, it is possible to outsmart the flower sickness. Sometimes, Helaine wonders what the god that came up with it thinks about that.

Still, overall, things are fine.

That’s what she keeps telling herself: things are fine. Selene isn’t dying; her Pilgrim’s Crown blooms are a minor annoyance at worst. She’s got it under control.

But Selene is unhappy, and she won’t let Helaine do anything about that.

Helaine pretends not to notice. She pretends not to see the look that comes across her sister’s face when something reminds her of what she’s given up. She pretends to approve when Selene dives headfirst into her Dunryd Row work, absent from Caed Nua for weeks on end.

It’s not really lying, she tells herself. It’s just making life easier for someone she cares about.

Eventually it starts to feel like she’s learned to live with it, but the knowledge that Helaine could be helping and isn’t weighs heavy on her still.

One morning, she wakes up with a cough, and tastes ash in her mouth once it passes.

Turns out, when you’re a fire godlike, the flowers will burn up before you can get them out. At least that’s what happens when there aren't a lot of them; as their number grows, eventually bits and pieces begin to make it through unscathed.

Helaine stares at a charred bloom in the palm of her hand. It’s not a flower she knows; it’s small and light blue, with five petals and a yellow center.

Selene notices before Helaine ever tells her. She doesn’t say anything, just gives her a sympathetic look and leaves a bottle of the medicine on her bedside table.

Helaine is pretty sure that she thinks the flowers are for Aloth, which just makes her want to grab Selene by the shoulders and shake her like a straw doll, because for some reason her mind-reader sister doesn’t understand that the flowers are for her.

You’re doing this to me, Helaine wants to yell at her. You’re causing this because you won’t let me help you!

But all that would do is make Selene feel worse, so Helaine doesn’t say it.

She drinks her medicine.

Funnily enough, the potion seems to help her more than it helps Selene; maybe it’s the furnace in Helaine’s throat, or maybe she just doesn’t have it as bad.

Either way, as long as she keeps drinking it, she doesn’t get flowers at all. Which is why, when she wakes up one night to a coughing fit so bad she can’t breathe, Helaine has no idea what’s happening.

She freaks out. Her brain flashes through several thought in the matter of seconds: the medicine has stopped working - the medicine hasn’t stopped working but the flowers are trying to get out - she’s been poisoned - she’s dying -

Then, suddenly, she can breathe again, and her mouth is stuffed full of flowers. She can already tell that something has changed, because these blooms are larger, with thick, velvety petals.

Helaine spits them out into her hand and examines them in the flickering light of her own hair.

She’s seen these before, she’s sure of that. But where -

Oh gods damn it.

She knows what these are, and she knows where she’s seen them.

Admeth’s Wyrt flowers. Aloth would press them in his grimoire, to use for scroll components.

Helaine sits in her bed and stares at the gross spit-covered flowers in her hand, and for some reason there’s a lump in her throat like she’s about to cry.

Is it even possible to get flower sickness for two different things at once? Is she the first person in the universe this has ever happened to?

Would she even get these flowers if she didn’t get Selene’s first?

It’s not fair. She’s not even the troubled one - that’s Selene - so why does she have to deal with two kinds of flowers now?

No, Helaine decides. She’s not going to suffer through this.

She gets up. Rummages through her drawers for paper and ink and a quill, sits down at her desk, and starts writing.

It’s easy, she tells herself. Just think about what you’d say to Aloth if he was here right now.

She writes and writes and writes. By the time she’s done, there’s a heap of discarded drafts on the far end of her desk, and the letter she ended up with is five pages long, crammed full of words.

The words “I love you” are not in there.

She tried. Gods, she tried, but it just… it wouldn’t come out.

Is it because it’s a lie? Does she not love him, after all? Then what in Hel are the new flowers for?

As she sits there with her head in her hands, with half a mind to let a strand of her hair fall onto the letter and turn it all into ash, Helaine remembers a conversation from months ago.

Do you think something’s wrong with us?

“I don’t know,” she mutters to herself sleepily. “Maybe there is.”

She burns the drafts. She does keep the five-page letter.

The next time she prepares a dose of the medicine for herself, she drops two flowers into the clear liquid: a small blue one, and a red Admeth’s Wyrt bloom.

“I think it’s going to be fine,” Selene says.

She’s saying it for the second or third time, maybe; it’s kind of hard to keep track of the words coming out of her own mouth, and, really, she’s trying to convince herself more than she’s trying to convince Helaine.

In her hands is a letter: a single page filled with slightly uneven handwriting.

Hey, Watchers.

I know it’s been a while. Case you don’t remember: I’m the guy you almost fed to the dragon under your keep two years ago. It worked out though, so don’t worry about it.

Honestly I was gonna write to you sooner, but then there just wasn’t much to write about. I was just kind of on the road for a while. Figuring stuff out.

Anyway, remember Dyrford? The cult village? Turns out, we didn’t clear out all of the Skaenites from there. Was one left still. Tried to get even with me when I was passing through, but I got him first, so you’ll be happy to hear I’ve got no stones in my eyes as I write this.

That guy also happened to be the mayor though, and apparently by Dyrford rules beheading the mayor means you’re in charge of the town now. Didn’t know what to think about this for a while, but now that I’ve settled in I don’t think I mind it much.

Seems like I won’t be coming by Caed Nua for a while, so come visit if you ever get the chance. It’s been a couple months and no one else tried to kill me yet, so I’m pretty sure it’s safe now.

Hope you girls are doing alright.

Edér

“...Yeah. No. It’s - ”

“Fine?” Helaine finishes the sentence for her.

“Yeah.”

It is probably fine. The medicine is working. It shouldn’t be any different in close proximity to the person she’s keeping the secret from - it’s -

Gods, but the way her heart jumped to her throat just from realizing who the letter was from makes her worry. The medicine is going to prevent her from choking on unsaid words, but what if she slips up and ends up saying them?

No, no, that’s not going to happen. She never felt like that when they all traveled together. Maybe seeing him again is all it takes for things to finally go back to normal.

Maybe the flowers are just because she misses him.

“So, we’re going tomorrow?” Helaine asks.

Selene blinks.

“...Already?”

Helaine shrugs:

“I mean, why wait? It’s not like we’ve got other plans.”

“I… guess that’s true.”

“Great!” Helaine grins and slaps a hand on her shoulder. “Then start packing.”

And her sister walks away, leaving Selene standing alone in her study, holding the letter still.

She glances through the written lines one more time, as if reading them again without Helaine there might reveal something new. it doesn’t.

Selene sighs, wincing a little as the air she breathes swirls leftover petals around in her lungs.

She carefully folds the letter and tucks it away in the same drawer of her desk where she keeps her medicine.

The first visit to Dyrford has both of them just a little on edge. Selene has her flower thing to worry about, of course, but also it’s just weird coming back when their last memory of the place is fighting through blood-splattered ruins to rescue a kidnapped woman.

The town has changed, though. The buildings look nicer; there are more people out and about than Helaine remembers, and the looks they get are mostly ones of curiosity or excitement, rather than suspicious glares.

And it is good to see Edér again. It’s not until they’re standing at his door that Helaine realizes she was so busy worrying about Selene’s condition, she forgot how much she missed her friend.

Then, the door opens. Even without looking, she can feel Selene tense up at her side.

Before her sister’s anxiety becomes her own, Helaine grins as wide as she can, and, putting on her best posh Aedyran accent (which isn’t good by any standard there is, but that’s kind of the point), proclaims:

“Greetings, good sir; we are here to see Mr. Mayor Edér Teylecg, do you perhaps know where we can find him?”

His eyes narrow a little, and by the familiar twinkle in them Helaine knows that the bit has been picked up.

“That guy? Nah, you don’t wanna talk to him. He’s probably running around doing boring stuff, like breaking up fights between farmers, or taxes. Pretending he knows how to run a town.”

Helaine decides to ham it up a little more.

“Excuse me, sir! I’ll have you know that we are the Ladies of Caed Nua, and we have traveled for days to discuss important people business with your very important mayor.”

She’s definitely starting to lose the accent, but that seems to work in her favor, because her delivery does crack him up.

“Damn,” Edér says, trying and failing to keep a straight face as a smirk begins to creep out. “Well, I can’t say no to a lady. Guess you two should come in.”

At which point Helaine’s patience runs out, and, with a delighted shriek that feels almost like a battle cry, she rushes in to hug him.

The next few days are the most fun she’s had in a while. They trade stories, catch up on everything that’s happened since they’ve last seen each other; Selene starts out quiet, but Helaine sees her ease into the familiar atmosphere as the hours go by. Eventually, she’s laughing with the two of them, and talking about her Dunryd Row work with the same pride as Edér when he tells them about the latest changes in his town.

The only way it could have been better is if the others were there also. Pallegina, Sagani, Durance - yes, even Durance - and, well… Aloth.

Some months ago, she would have tried to avoid thinking about him like that - but, since she’s already getting flowers for him, there’s not really a point to it anymore.

After that first time, they go back to Dyrford every once in a while.

On their second visit, Selene spots a familiar face in the village square, and they spend some time catching up with Grieving Mother, who - still faceless to everyone but the two of them - has decided to return to her duties as a midwife.

On their fourth visit, Edér mentions weird movements and sounds near the ruins where the Skaenites used to hide out; a quick investigation reveals it to be an infestation of shadows, and they begin to plot out an extermination plan together. A party of three (four, if Grieving Mother feels adventurous, Helaine thinks) seems too small, but there are some Kind Wayfarers in training waiting for her back at Caed Nua, and Helaine decides that they would benefit from this kind of field trip.

Then there’s a fifth visit, a sixth, a seventh.

Months pass.

Helaine knows that Selene goes to visit by herself, every now and then; usually when she has some business in Defiance Bay, since that’s halfway to Dyrford anyway.

Every time that happens, there’s a tiny whisper of hope in the back of her mind that maybe this time it’ll happen, but then Selene comes back, and she’s still coughing up flowers.

But she seems… better. Not happy, maybe, but content - and that’s enough to make Helaine feel a little better, too.

The flowers keep coming for both of them, but overall, it’s definitely an improvement.

Edér catches her just as they’re about to head back to the Dracogen for the night.

He’d offered for them to stay in his house, of course, but they had to refuse; mostly for Selene’s sake. It would have been much harder for her to hide her flowers if they were all staying together.

“...Hey, Helaine?”

“Yeah?”

“I, uh, I wanna ask you something. Kind of a personal matter.”

Selene’s voice in her mind, immediately, almost overlapping with Edér’s last phrase.

Helaine? You coming?

Helaine takes a good look at her friend; he seems genuinely concerned. Whatever it is, she should definitely hear him out.

You go ahead, she thinks at Selene. I’ll catch up.

Alright. See you there.

And with that, her sister’s presence is gone.

“...Is there a lost soul floating behind me or did I say something weird?”

Right. Edér couldn’t hear their conversation.

“No, I was just letting Selene know she can leave without me,” Helaine says. “...Unless you want her here too?”

“No, there’s - there’s no need to trouble her.”

He says that almost too quickly.

That’s… Is something happening here?

“...Alright. Well, what’s the matter?” Helaine asks.

“Well, I was just wondering.” She can hear the effort in his voice as he tries to keep his tone casual. “You two have been getting up to all kinds of things in these last two years. You have your Kind Wayfarers, and you said you’ve been writing to Aloth, and Selene has her Dunryd Row people…”

“...Yeah?”

“I guess I was just wondering, uh. Do you know if she’s been… seeing... anyone?”

The second the meaning of his question gets through to her, she feels her eyes widen.

No. Way.

“Hey, what’s that look? I’m just asking.”

It takes all of her willpower not to grin, and even then, she can’t help but smile just a little.

“Nope,” Helaine says. “She hasn’t been seeing anyone. She’s as available as it gets.”

“Wait, I didn’t say - ”

“How long?” she asks.

Edér stares at her for a second.

“How long what?”

“How long have you been gearing up to ask me about this?”

It’s getting dark, but they’re both standing in the halo of light created by her hair, which gives her a great view of color rushing to his face.

“...Couple of weeks. Since last time she came by. But if I’m honest, I’ve been thinking about it longer.”

“Awww!”

“Helaine.”

“Sorry.” She’s definitely not sorry. “...Did something happen with you two?”

“No? Yeah? Not really. I was just thinking - ” he huffs out a breath and runs a hand over his face, shaking his head like he’s trying to chase something away. “Actually, I don’t know what I was thinking. I just wanted to ask.”

There’s something very familiar about the apprehension, the slight tremble of his voice even as he tries to sound confident.

It’s hope. And fear of losing that hope. Helaine knows this, because it’s the same feeling she gets from reading some of Aloth’s letters.

For a moment, she’s torn; her first thought is that she should let him figure this out on his own time.

But the memory of Selene’s rasping breaths as she coughs out more and more golden flowers is burned too firmly into her mind.

“You should tell her,” Helaine says.

Edér blinks.

“You… think so?”

“Do you trust me?” she asks.

He nods; there’s not even a second of hesitation to it.

“Then go tell her right now.”

There’s a knock on the door.

Selene knows that it’s not Helaine.

For one, Helaine wouldn’t knock because it’s her room too; and then there’s also the fact that she can’t hear Helaine’s mind anywhere nearby, but she can faintly hear Edér’s.

His voice comes from behind the door:

“Hey. It’s me.”

The noise of his thoughts is louder than usual, agitated by anxiety. From a quick glance - she hasn’t dared to look deeper for a while, fearing to agitate the flower sickness - it seems that nothing horrible has happened, but whatever he came to discuss is important.

Selene lets him in.

“What happened?” she asks.

The question catches him off guard for some reason; he hesitates before saying:

“Nothing. I just wanted to talk to you, is all.”

“...Oh.”

So maybe this isn’t related to what he was telling Helaine. Probably nothing dangerous happening, then.

“Well, sure,” Selene says. “Go ahead.”

It’s annoying, to have to fight her own instincts. With every word, her mind is trying to reach for his, to complete the picture by listening to whatever he’s not saying out loud, and she has to remind herself again and again not to do that.

If she does, she might hear something she’s better off not knowing.

Edér takes a deep breath; she can hear him gathering his thoughts.

“...Well, I was gonna do this differently, but… I’ve got a question for you.”

“What is it?”

Even without looking deeper, something strange is happening in his mind. There’s a feeling - a loud one - like fear, but not the kind of fear she’s used to. It’s not painful; just overwhelming, and almost impossible to parse.

For some reason, just catching the faintest trace of it makes her chest tighten with a sickening awareness of the petals scratching against the inside of her lungs.

She should take her medicine soon. But she should be fine for now; she’s been fine for this long.

Relax. Take even, shallow breaths. Try not to stir the flowers around too much.

Then, Edér asks:

“Do you think we could - do you think we would… work, together? If… If we tried.”

He’s stumbling over his own words; his thoughts are getting lost inside that all-consuming feeling, and Selene feels it, too. For a moment, they stand together in silence, both swallowed by it.

She knows what he’s asking. It’s just - it’s just that she can’t bring herself to believe he’s really saying it. This doesn’t feel like a part of reality; this feels like a manifestation of her own mind. She doesn’t know what to do with this. She doesn’t know how to check if this is real.

Somehow, their eyes meet, and she sees him do his best to smile.

“...I know this is kinda like Ondra shooting her shot at the moon, but I really do fancy you, I think. Things just feel… calmer, with you around. Like I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”

And then, all at once, it crashes down on her; the dreamlike feeling disappears, reality rushes back in, filling her ears with noise and her chest with pain.

He’s asking her. He’s asking her to - and she’ll have to say no - she has to say no, because of Ondra, because of what she’s done to them once, because of what she might do to them again - but, gods, it’s not fair - it’s not what she wants to do - but she has to -

And then she can no longer breathe, because her lungs and throat are stuffed full of soft petals, and they pour right out when she opens her mouth but there’s so much more of them inside, and every function of her body and mind is instantly relegated to getting them out.

Edér staring at her becomes irrelevant; everything he just said becomes irrelevant; all she can think about is breathing, as her chest spasms violently, trying to get rid of the foreign bodies inside. She coughs and retches, and barely anything comes out, and her mind fills with terror, realizing that this is it.

The medicine has run its course. There was only so much it could do. She doesn’t have enough strength left to push them out.

Then, there’s a sudden, sharp pressure over her sternum, and something moves; the flowers come up her throat, pouring out, down, and she coughs and coughs and coughs until her chest hurts and then she coughs more, until she’s on her knees dry heaving over a pile of golden flowers on the floor, and, finally, nothing more comes out.

Her entire body is shaking; her vision is blurry with tears. This is a strong contender for the worst she’s felt in her entire life.

She’s been drinking the medicine. Without it… Without it, this probably would have killed her. Even with it, it nearly did.

Oh, gods.

It’s then that she becomes aware of an arm wrapped around her waist, and a hand holding her hair back from her face. Edér is there on the floor with her, holding her.

She draws a shaky breath in, bracing herself for more flowers.

Nothing. For now.

“...Got it all out?”

She nods, and wipes her mouth with a trembling hand.

“Good.”

He lets go of her hair, then of her waist, and moves away. She kind of wishes he’d stay, but she’s not sure how to tell him.

Edér sits down next to her and gives a low whistle, nodding over to the heap of flowers. Looking at it now, it seems impossible for all of it to have fit inside of an aumaua’s body, let alone her own.

“Never took you for a gardener,” he says. “Nice flowers you’ve got there. But you know there are ways to grow them without killing yourself, right? Whoever you need to come clean to, I’d suggest you do it fast.”

He sounds the same way he did years ago, when he’d wake her and Helaine from their nightmares and jokingly threaten to dump a bucket of water on them the next time around.

And he’s right. Selene isn’t sure she can take another bout of this; she doesn’t want to find out if she can.

She tried. Gods, she tried to keep him out of this. But she doesn’t want to die for it any more than she wants to lose him.

This is the worst time and place possible, but it’s not like she has any choice left in the matter.

Selene breathes in, savoring the relief of having her lungs be truly empty for once, and says:

“I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time.”

She can feel it happen the second she finishes the sentence. Some kind of weight disappears from her chest; something she’s gotten so used to, she forgot that it was there in the first place.

She breathes out.

Before even looking, she can feel Edér’s mind stir; there’s surprise, and then there’s joy, and then dread, and then joy again, and then again dread.

“...And you’ve been getting flowers about it?”

His voice is soft, and warm, and horrified.

She nods. She can feel her hands shaking still.

“...How long?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she says.

And then she turns to him and buries her face in his shoulder and wraps her arms around him, the way she’s wanted to do for a long time.

It feels just as good as she had imagined. It feels even better when he hugs her back.

It takes her a second to realize that she’s started to cry.

The hug tightens around her, and, after a moment, she feels him bring a hand up to gently stroke her hair.

“Shhh. It’s gonna be okay. I’ve got you.”

She reaches for his thoughts, and meets no resistance. There’s nothing there that he hasn’t said out loud.

I love you, she says again, with her mind this time.

He presses a kiss to her temple.

“I love you too,” he says softly. “But you’ve got to promise me something.”

…What?

“Don’t ever go hacking up flowers about me again. I don’t care what you’re hiding, it ain’t worth it.”

Wrapped up in the warmth and comfort of someone she’s yearned for for so long, it almost feels easy to agree with this.

Almost.

I promise, she says.

A week after her return to Caed Nua (just hers - Selene said she’d stay in Dyrford for a little longer, and Helaine was all too happy to let her), Helaine opens her medicine drawer and finds it empty.

Selene’s flowers are gone now - there’s nothing left for Helaine to worry about, in that regard - but she’s been taking it for the Admeth’s Wyrt flowers, still.

She’d run out of the potion now, though, and she’ll only be able to make more once she coughs up more flowers to use for ingredients.

The only thing that’s left is to wait.

The same day, a new letter arrives. It’s the first one in a while; Helaine doesn’t want to admit this to herself, but she was starting to worry that something had happened.

Aloth’s and Iselmyr’s alternating handwriting is long familiar and comforting by now.

Helaine,

I apologize for the long silence. The last time I wrote to you, I was journeying through the Old Vailian countryside, certain that I had tracked down a rogue cell of the Leaden Key.

However, I was unfortunately mistaken. Not in thinking that I had uncovered the machinations of an old and secretive order - that much was true - but merely in attributing those machination to the Leaden Key.

The Darcozzi Paladini are nothing like what you told me of the Kind Wayfarers; perhaps Pallegina’s description of her order matches them better, but even that does not account for the thousands of years of scheming and manipulation this order is laced with. They are not my quarry, but by the time I realized that, I had become closer acquainted with their affairs than both myself and the Darcozzi family would have liked.

Nearly got our head lopped clean off, ye dimwit

I was successful in escaping from them - not in the least thanks to Iselmyr, I must say -

Aye to that!

however, I was then forced to lay low and withhold my letters for some time. My sincere apologies for that.

The letter goes on for much longer, but Helaine has to pause there and laugh.

…This sounds like fun. Well. It sounds like mortal peril, but gods, she would have loved to be there getting up in the Darcozzi’s face with Aloth and Iselmyr.

Then, her eyes fall onto the next words.

It is in times like this that I truly miss our adventures together.

“Aw, Aloth, I just said that!”

There’s no one there to hear her, but that’s probably for the best, because it means that there’s also no one there to see her smile like an idiot as she talks to a piece of paper.

When I begin to doubt myself, I remember the things we have accomplished, and know that I must have something to show for myself the next time we cross paths - whenever that may be.

When I meet your Kind Wayfarer apprentices, in a way, I feel as though I meet you again. They carry your conviction, your skill of survival and your compassion - the same compassion you have shown me, and I am certain you show to others every day.

I do hope that you are well and your affairs are successful.

“Aww,” Helaine says to the letter again, softly this time. “...I love you too.”

And by the time she realizes what just happened, it’s too late: the words have already left her mouth.

Her throat catches, but, at the same time, there is a heaviness dissipating in her chest, like a knot coming untangled.

“I - ”

She tries to say it again, and can’t. But it doesn’t matter.

She doesn’t cough up any more flowers after that.

#pillars of eternity #edér x watcher #aloth x watcher #two watcher au #oc: watcher selene #edérene tag #herearedragons writing #7000 completely unplanned words. how did this happen to me #thanks elly for letting me borrow helaine for this #she's a really fun pov and I'm glad I got her right #friend oc: watcher helaine

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marcusagrippa · 6 months ago

Note

Hey, what was inaccurate about Domina? I want to watch it but I’m unsure on the characterizations

(oh this got quite long, sorry in advance-)

it's not that it's *super* inaccurate, it's just that (in my opinion) some of the choices made were a little, well. they could have been more interesting. guy who only ever thinks about agrippa all the time voice i am going to talk about agrippa first. i do love how they did agrippa but i also feel like his character was sort of flattened? like we see him for the most part as either a violent warmonger or then flip it entirely to this (i'm going to be mean here, but i don't care) pretty pathetic man who just kind of rolls over and does whatever gaius and livia want, and there's not really much nuance - no mention of the whole quote unquote 'exile' situation in 23, or negotiations with herod or parthia or anything like that.

(this is very much a personal thing, but the [spoilers] sort-of-but-not-really romance plot with him and livia definitely irked me. i think they did it well for what it was, but - they did come close, but when are they going to make a show where him and octavian are as insane about one another as they were historically? the emphasis on his relationship with livia over octavian lessens the effect of his death - and the whole death thing really did piss me off. they show his death, they show his funeral, they focus on how sad LIVIA is in that funeral shot (and not his, you know, childhood best friend other half of my soul etc etc) and then immediately cut to a sex scene with livia and gaius. yay. i haven't seen beyond this episode, so correct me if im wrong, but it kind of feels like people just... forget about him immediately? even gaius. there's not really a mourning or grief sort of thing. it's weird.)

the show also often skips out on events that, in my opinion, could have been more interesting than inserting some kind of weird little random subplot in instead. like - without too many spoilers, they give livia this ex best friend who's now a vestal virgin who was also in love with her as a kid which could have been really interesting! and done really well! but it's. not. it glossed over characters who's stories i think are really intriguing - like octavia adopting and raising antony's children (cleopatra selene isn't in the show at all, which i think is pretty sad) could have been interesting to focus on, but instead after a point in season 1 they just kind of reduce her to her grief over marcellus.

i think the show has a little bit of a problem with girlbossifying livia, but to the point where it sort of comes full circle and goes right back to portraying her how people like tacitus might have portrayed her. despite all the reasoning and motivation the show gives her, it still comes across like she's picking off and poisoning octavian's possible heirs one by one (because, well, she literally is) to protect her and her family's power. i think the whole 'restoring the republic' thing COULD have been really interesting! but they don't really explore *how* they'd do that or anything, they just kind of... bring it up every time there needs to be some kind of dramatic secret scene and never expand on it. i understand the show is the livia show but i think the focus on her sometimes makes the other characters (eg gaius) seem stupid or idiotic when we KNOW they weren't historically.

i am not very knowledgeable about the historical julio-claudian 'kids' (for want of a better word), so i can't really speak on a lot of their portrayals, but the whole 'bad tiberius' thing irritated me. unsure of how grounded in history this is but they give him some slightly odd butchered form of doctor-jekyll-esque did where he has an evil fucked up version who comes out and kills people sometimes. i really really love the portrayal of tiberius for the most part in the show, but this bit... eh. he also wants to kill his mum and have sex with his mum, so that's a thing.

side note but it does feel a little weird that two of the main slave characters (antigone and tycho) are both Black, especially in a setting where slavery wasn't influenced by race.

not sure if this is coherent or what you were asking at all, but here are some slightly disconnected thoughts! but despite all of this i do genuinely enjoy the show, if nothing else i think it's very fun. thanks for the ask :]

#asks #show that would be so good if it was good

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lunarchaosqueen · 5 months ago

Text

Dark side of the moon.

Hey, I am trying to get a feel Please give me feed back on if i should continue writing. Please! Tell me what you like what you hate what you want.

Selene’s phone chimed as she walked down the hall. She has received a text from Fergal letting her know that Seth had finished getting dressed and she could come hang out. She smiled texting her friend back. Selene was so distracted by her own thoughts that she didn’t even notice that Becky had fallen in to step with her. Becky touched Selene's arm, laughing when Selene jumped, dropping her phone.

Becky bent down picking up Selene’s phone “I have been walking next to you for a good five minutes,” She cocked her head to the side with a knowing smile “Who ya thinking about?”

Selene took her phone from Becky shifting nervously “No one! I am just distracted! How was your match?”

“Oh, my match was great! I am the man! So are you going to see ya boy Fergal?”

Selene smiled at her friend not wanting to answer “Yes, we are going to hang out before his match,” A sad smile played on her lips, “He texted me and said he needs to talk. I am sure he wants to talk about Cathy.”

Becky could see the sadness in her friend’s eyes. She knew that Selene had it bad for Fergal. The girl would do anything that she could for him and just continued to fall for him. She noticed that they were now standing in the middle of the hallway. Taking Selene by the arm she pulled her into an empty room “Selene, Are you okay? You have been helping him with the break up for five months. It has to be killing you.”

Selene bit her lip trying to find the words to describe her feelings. She pressed her hand together trying to control her emotions “I… I’m okay,” She said with a laugh “This is my job as his best friend. I am here to help him pick up the pieces.” She forced a smile.

“I understand why you do it, but come on. You know that you have feelings for him and honestly, I think he feels the same. You are so busy helping him be okay that you are slowly falling apart.” Becky paused, pulling her into a hug. “I love you. I don’t want you to think I am attacking you. I just can see how much you care for him. I want you to be happy!”

Selene held tighter to her friend “I know. I just don't think that I can tell him. I don’t think that he would ever think of me like that.” She let go as her phone chimed again. She looked at her phone as she spoke. “I think I might love him, but that does not matter.” She got a text asking if she was close. “Part of me wished I would just tell him and let things fall where they fall, but…” She was cut off by her phone ringing. She smiled at Becky before answering the phone. “Hey Fergs. I am on my way, I was just chatting with Becky…. Sure get in the shower I’ll text before I come in.” She laughed. “Yeah, I don’t want to walk in on you naked…… Okay… See you soon… yeah love ya too.”

Becky cocked her head, her mouth falling open. She waited until Selene hung up the phone. “Uh, He tells you he loved you?”

Selene rolled her eyes as she answered” yes, but it is in a buddy way.”

“No, I don’t think so. Selene just grow a pair and tell that tiny beautiful man that you love him.”

Selene didn’t want to talk about it anymore. She hugged her friend again. “I have to go, but I will think about it. I will call you later.” She waved as she walked off. The rest of the walk all she could think about is telling Fergal how she felt. She pulled her phone out texting Fergal to let him know she was there. She could hear the shower as well as Fergal's phone going off. She smiled pushing the door open once she got Fergal’s message. She took a seat on the couch as she waited for him to get dressed. She leaned her head back against the beck of the couch. She could not shake what Becky said. Damn it she thought. She pulled out her phone, opening her eyes long enough to text Becky, letting her know that she was going to tell Fergal tonight.

She closed her eyes again trying to relax and control her breathing. She felt the couch give under Fergal’s weight. She couldn’t help but smile when she felt him lay his head in her lap. “Hey love, long day?”

She opened her eyes looking down at Fergal, god was he beautiful. She could look at him and listen to him laugh forever. “You could say that, How are you?”

He smiled up at her. “I am okay. I’m feeling down. Did you know Cathy was going to be here this week? I saw her talking to Ziggler and I am just annoyed.”

Selene began gently running her hand through his hair in an attempt to soothe his anxiety. “Fergs you broke up with her. She is trying to move on, because let’s face it…” She laughed as Fergal let out a loud groan as she continued to run her hand through his hair. “You are a catch and she got stupid and lost you.”

Fergal leaned into Selene’s hands “You’re right, but what if she is the one.

Selene looked into his eyes again. “Did you love her? Is it hard to see life without her?”

He grimaced “No.”

She leaned her head back, closing her eyes as she spoke. “You just don’t like to see her with another guy. The girl that you fall for will be a lucky girl.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “She better be as strong as you.”

Selene couldn’t take it anymore. She withdrew her hands from his hair causing him to let out a whine at the loss of contact. “Fergs, l need to say something and I need you to not look at me when I say it okay?”

“Yeah, Yeah, Okay I will.” He kept his eyes closed as he lifted Selene’s hand and put it back in his hair.

She smiled as she started to run her hands through his hair again. She tried to keep herself calm by looking out the open door. “We have been friends for three years and you know how much I care for you, but to be honest things have changed.” She paused again, focusing on anything but Fergal's beautiful face. She jumped slightly when she saw Becky appear in the doorway. Becky quickly gave her a thumbs up before disappearing back into the hall. “Fergs… I think I am in love with you. I uh, I honestly know I am in love with you. Like house and kids in the future love. I truly have tried to push it away, I was afraid it would kill me to admit it or ruin our friendship.” She stopped when she saw the tears fall on Fergal cheek. “But, I feel like maybe you have feelings for me too.”

She closed her eyes waiting for something, anything from Fergal. She felt his callous hands gently caress the side of her face, his thumb tracing her bottom lip. “Selene, Look at me.” Her eyes opened and he pulled her face to his. He pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was soft and sweet, but quickly grew in intensity.

Selene was startled when Fergal pushed her away as he sat up. She looked to him for some clue as to what was happening, but all she saw was panic in his eyes. She watched as he ran his hand over his beard pulling himself away from her. Selene curled her hands into fists, her nails cutting into her palms as she waited for Fergal to speak. His voice came out in a low growl “How could you be so selfish?” He pressed his hands flat against his thighs trying desperately to control the emotions swirling in his chest. “Selene, you had to know that it was too soon after Cathy. This was never an option for me, I ahh, I think that you are just confused. You messed this up for us.” Fergal stopped talking when he saw Selene’s head tilt to the side.

Selene got up off the couch and forced herself to take a step back. She wet her lips with the tip of her tongue, “I did this? You think that I chose to not only to clearly ruin our friendship, but to have the first person that I have loved tell me that I was not an option.”

Fergal could see Selene forced herself to stay in one place. He couldn’t seem to figure out what to say. “You…. you don’t know what love is. You are just confused. Selene love, please just stop talking and let’s go back to how we were before.”

Selene pressed her hands together, trying to control the anger that seemed hell bent on clawing it way out of her throat. She took another step toward the door. ‘Your right I did this. I thought for just a moment that it would be okay. Keep in mind I did not kiss you. That was you, you kissed me. You're right though. This,” She paused gesturing between the two of them with her hand. “This is not an option. Pretending that I didn’t just confess my love to you, is not an option.” She paused again, the muscles in her cheeks flexing as she clenched her teeth so tight that she thought that her teeth might break. “You tell me I’m confused, who do you think you are speaking to me like I am unable to understand MY feelings, but thank you for clearing up the confusion.”

Fergal gasped in shock. “Selene, Love, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just…”

She forced herself to move closer to the door. When she heard Fergal call her love something in her changed. She let her arms fall to her side and there was no emotion on her face. “That is not an option for you. Don’t you remember?” She smiled digging into her pocket pulling out the keys to the rental car. Her voice was completely calm as she tossed the key onto the couch. “You are the one that made that choice for both of us. You do not get to say my name at all. There are your keys, I will not be traveling with you anymore.”

“Selene! Come on. We need to…”

Selene pulled her phone out interrupting Fergal “Hey Becky, do you think I can travel with you until my vacation?” She was quite listening to Becky on the other end of the phone. “Yeah, I can leave as soon as you are ready.” She paused listening again. “Yeah, I’ll make my way to you now. Why are you whispering?” She just laughed before hanging up the phone. She turned and made her way to Becky.

Just as she reached the door Seth walked in. “Hey Selene, How’s it going?

She smiled, pressing her lips to Seth’s cheek. “You know me. I am living the dream every damn day. How are you?”

He gave her a crooked smile. “I am good now that I have seen you Beautiful face”

Selene smiled trying to figure out the look in Seth’s eyes. “You’re the beautiful one. Well I am going to get outta here, have a good night.” She walked out of the room without another word.

As soon as Selene set eyes on Becky, the tears began to flow. Becky jumped up from her chair pulling her friend into a hug. Selene tried to speak, but was just a mess of sobs. Becky wrapped her arm around Selene’s shoulder as she spoke “I know, It’s going to be okay.”

Selene pulled away slightly. “What? How do you know?”

Becky slowly guided her friend away from the crowded room to where their suitcases sat. “I was outside the door. I was just going to interrupt if you lost the nerve, but you didn’t.” She handed Selene her suitcase and started the process of leaving. “I stayed because I thought that it was going to be a great moment to witness.”

Selene was quiet for a moment as she finished helping put the bags in the car. “Thanks, for being there.” She laughed. “Even if I didn’t know it. You probably are the reason I didn’t punch him in the neck.”

They laughed as they both got settled in the car. Becky set to driving them to the next show. “Hey, He’s an idiot, but he will come around.”

Selene laughed. “He may, but does that matter? He was mean and took what I confessed and embarrassed me. I can’t imagine how much worse it could have been if people would have witnessed it.”

“Selene, uh “Becky shifted nervously in her seat. “ So, someone else witnessed it.”

“What?!”

“So, just as you confessed, Seth came walking up. I told him that he couldn’t walk in. So he stood next to me and listened.” Becky smiled sadly. “When you guys kissed he was so excited. He started talking about how you guys would be great together.”

Selene laughed as tears slid down her face. “When I left he walked in. I couldn’t figure out the look in his eyes. Now, I know that he witnessed one of the worst moments of my life.” She wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to console herself. “He was so sweet and called me beautiful.” She laughed at the situation.

Becky could see that her friend was slowly falling in on herself. “He won’t say anything. He’s not that kind of guy.”

The tears were streaming down Selene’s face now. She took a deep breath trying desperately to gain control of her emotion. “I know. He’s a good guy.” She frantically wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I am sure I will be fine. Tonight, just tonight I want to be sad.”

“I know. You have every reason to be a little dark. You can room with me and we will have a drink and take a long nap.”

“I like that. I might have four drinks.” Selene laughed. “I don’t have to work tomorrow.”

It had been about two hours before Becky looked over at Selene. Her friend was still huddled in the seat looking at her phone. Her brown eyes were swollen and red, tears still quietly making their way down her cheeks. Just as Becky noticed that Selene was slowly going through the photos on her phone, the phone rang over the speaker in the car. Becky answered “What can I do for you Mr. Rollins?”

Seth’s raspy voice filled the car, “Hey Beautiful! I was calling to check in. I have a very upset Demon here. Just wondering if my girls are okay.”

Becky looked over, giving Selene a smile. “She has had betters days as you know, but I’m doing okay”

Selene spoke next, “Hey Seth. I am okay. Nothing a drink can’t fix right,”

The car filled with Seth laugh. “Hey Sweetheart. I am glad to hear…”

Seth was cut off by Fergal’s voice. “Selene is that you? I am sorry love… I.”

There was rustling in the background before Seth’s voice took over the car again. “Selene, I am so sorry. He wanted me to check on you. I didn’t think he would do that.”

Selene was crying again. “I know Seth. Do me a favor. Can Finn hear me?”

“Yes.” The answer was a mixture of Fergal and Seth’s voice.

She took a breath trying to control the anger that still seemed to almost burst from her chest. “Please let Finn know that he does not have the option to check on me. From this moment on we… us… he and I, we are work associates.” Her voice was cold and unfeeling. “As you know Seth, I confessed my love for FINN BALOR and he told me I didn’t know what love it and that I had made a stupid mistake. I love Fergal, but he is not here anymore. I will act accordingly at work. Thank you for checking on me Seth. I am going to drink a lot tonight. If you would like, you can come over and join me.”

Becky just pulled into the hotel parking lot and watched as her friend spoke like she had no feeling at all, all the while she was falling apart in the seat next to her. “Hey, we just got to the hotel. I am going to take her inside. Thanks for checking on us boo.”

Seth laughed nervously “I got you girls. Maybe I’ll see you tonight.”

Becky ended the call as they got out of the car. She was concerned about the change in Selene when she heard Fergal speak. She put her hand on Selene’s shoulder as she asked “Hey are you okay? When Fergal took the phone, you face got way to calm.”

Selene let out a halfhearted laugh “I was trying to not break down. It’s hard telling someone you love them, but having that person completely freak out is a fucking nightmare. But hey I’ll be fine.” She forces a smile as they made their way into the hotel. “I promise Becky, I just need a night out and I’ll be fine. This is nothing a day of drinking can’t help.”

Becky laughed “Good! I think we can get that done for you. We can invite some cool people like Seth and Dean. They know how to have a good time.”

Selene smiled at her friend “Plus, You love yourself some Seth. I think that you two would be super cute”

Becky’s cheeks turned a pale pink “Right, he is just so damn fine… and that voice. Kill me” She laughed as she opened the door to their shared room. The two friends made quick work getting things set up for their stay in the room. They had a lite work load for the next few days, so they were going to try and relax. Becky gathered a few things from her suitcase as she spoke “Hey, I am going to take a shower is that okay?”

As Selene shook her head in acknowledgement her phone chimed signaling a text had come in. Selene’s stomach began to turn when Fergal's name appeared on the screen. Taking a breath she opened the message.

Fergs- Hey Babe, I freaked out I know. I am just shocked and should have handled it better.

Selene – Finn, I don’t really want to relive it. So, How about we just never talk about it. I don’t want to risk getting confused again. It may be for the best if we quit talking about it.

Fergs- Finn? Selene, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just am not over Cathy and didn’t think about what I was saying. I don’t want to lose what we have.

Selene felt the anger flare up again, her hands started to shake as she began to type. She fought the urge to throw the phone at the wall.

Selene- I do not want to rehash it. I know it was a mistake. Trust me when I say, I will not make this mistake again. LOL Lose what we have? We do not have anything, but a friendship. Don’t be silly. We are just really good workmates.

Fergs- We are still friends? Promise?

Selene- Sure. Look I am tired and need to go to bed.

Fergs- Okay. Goodnight Babe. Love you.

She rolled her eyes at Fergal’s last text. She didn’t feel like being nice, but she couldn’t bring herself to be mean to him. Her whole body wanted to do as much damage to him as she could, but it wouldn’t be fair. She can be mad because he didn’t love her back. She just had to take it and keep going. She lay in the bed fighting tears as she changed Fergal’s name in her phone.

Becky’s voice pulled Selene out of her thoughts. “Hey Sel, I was thinking we would do something Friday after the show. How does that sound?”

Selene wiped her cheeks furiously trying to get the tears to stop falling. “Yes please. I want to get dressed up, get drunk and possibly dance.” She laughed “Or try to dance. We both know I have no rhythm.”

“Same boat girl. I am just there to drink and feel fancy. I’ll talk to Seth while you shower.”

“Yes, tell ya boy! I need some fun. Please try not to invite Finn. “

“Uh, My boy…No’’

Selene laughed as her friend's cheeks started to heat up again. “Oh come on Becky. WE both know he is fucking daddy hot and you love it.”

“Oh my God. No! You just ruined me. All I can see is daddy Seth. Becky cocked her head to the side laughing. “He really is daddy hot,” She picked up her phone blushing a bright red, “Go take a shower so I can call this man, God knows I don’t need you to witness how awkward I am.”

Selene held up her hands in surrender, “Okay Geez.” She shut the door as Seth’s raspy voice filled the room. Selene peeled her clothes off as the bathroom filled with steam. She sighed as she stepped into the burning water, she hoped that the water would burn away the stress of the day. She scrubbed her hair as she thought about the events of the day. She was just as mad at herself as she was Fergal. How could she be so stupid, now she had lost a friendship that she loved, all because she couldn’t get her feelings in check. She knew that there could still be a friendship but it would never be the same. As she finished her shower, she made up her mind. She would just act like it didn’t bother her and avoid this embarrassment again.

When the door opened Selene heard Becky and Seth talking to each other. Becky smiled up at Selene “Seth say hi, Selene is out of the shower.”

The room again filled with Seth’s rich laughter. “Hey Selly, How’s It?”

Selene made her way to the mini bar, pulling out a bottle of wine she spoke, “Oh you know, I am here living the fucking dream. How is your room?”

“You know it’s cool. Same shit different location,” Seth paused, having a hushed conversation in the background. “So how are you holding up Champ?”

Selene rolled her eyes taking a gulp of the wine straight out of the bottle. “I am fine. I am just excited to never speak about what happened today. I am sure I will live. My question for you is, Is Finn having to check if I am okay?”

There was another hushed conversation, then Seth laughed nervously. “Uh… No! I was just checking in.”

Becky and Selene laughed when they heard Fergal's voice in the background. “See, she keeps calling me Finn.”

Selena took another gulp from the bottle. “I am fine! Everything is fine. Seth Please tell Finn I am fine. It’s nothing a bottle of wine can’t fix.”

Becky’s mouth fell open. “The whole bottle? I thought we were sharing?”

Seth and Selene laughed in unison, as Selene pulled two glasses out of the drawer and set them on the counter. “See I am sharing. Now, tell Seth that you have to go. We are going to get tipsy and fall asleep.”

Shaking her head Becky spoke, “Hey Sethy-kins, we’re gonna go. Have a goodnight.”

Seth chuckled “Alright ladies, have a goodnight. Call me if you need me.”

There was a rustling on Seth’s end of the phone and then Fergal’s voice came from the speaker. “Goodnight Ladies.”

Selene’s face fell as she spoke. “Goodnight Finn.”

Becky hung up the phone as she turned to Selene, who had taken a seat on her bed. “Hey, why do you keep calling Fergal Finn?”

Selene took another mouthful of wine, “I don’t know, Part of me knows it bothers him. And to be honest I just want to find a way to distance him from my feelings.” She took another gulp of wine, she started to feel fuzzy from the wine. “I feel like, if he’s Finn not Fergal, I don’t love him. He’s just some guy I work with.” Selene took a shaky breath. “I just need to pretend that I didn’t just do the dumbest thing ever.”

Becky took a sip of her wine taking in what Selene said. “That makes sense. I know what he said, I don’t think he meant to hurt you. I feel like he may have just freaked.”

Tears spilled from her eyes as she bit her lip in an attempt to fight her emotion. “Yes, but the way he reacted was like,” She paused looking for the correct words. “Like me loving him is his worst fucking nightmare. What is so wrong with me that, me loving someone would be so fucking terrible?”

“There is nothing wrong with you. I am convinced that he does love you. He is just too caught up in himself to see it.”

Selene laughed, “Yeah. I don’t see that. The worst part is he kissed me out of pity.” She downed the glass of wine in her hand and began to take gulps of the sweet liquid out of the bottle again. “I just need to push my feelings away. But my God when the boy smiles.” Selene looked down tears spilling from eyes, “He’s beautiful. Cathy is one lucky idiot.”

Becky laughed as her friend pressed the bottle to her lips once again. “He is very pretty, Hey are you going to be okay?” She had never seen her friend ever get this upset before. In just a few short hours, Selene consumed more wine then she has ever seen before.

Selene rolled her eyes as she clenched her jaw, she was looking for the right words again. This is exactly what she didn’t want. She did not want people to worry about her. “I am fine,” She said sadly. “I’m not gonna lie, I might be in a dark place. It might take me a second to get out of it.”

Becky smiled sadly at her friend. “You can be dark, but just know I am going to be in that darkness too… And I am going to make you dance it out. Now, finish that bottle and dance with me!”

Selene pressed the bottle to her lips draining the remaining wine from the bottle. She laughed as Beck pulled out another bottle of wine and hit play on her phone. The two danced together in the middle of the room laughing so hard their sides began to hurt. As they danced time passed quickly, what seemed like an hour was actually four hours. It was four am when the friends fell into their beds. As their laughter died down the silence filled the room and the day’s event flooded back to Selene. She sighed and turned to her friend. “Thanks for being there for me.”

“Lass you know I love you. Plus how many times have you helped me! That’s what friends are for.” She smiled as Selene snuggled deeper into her comforter. As Becky fell asleep she heard her friend’s drunken sniffles.

The next morning Becky woke up to the sound of Selene humming to herself “Hey Selly, How are you feeling?”

Selene let out a sigh, “ I am okay. Do you think that I was too hard on Ferg? She continues to look at herself in the mirror “ I feel like I need to apologize for how I acted.

Becky shook her head as she rubbed eyes “ He was kind of a dick, but the choice to apologize is up to you.”

“ I am going to apologize, because it will make me feel better.” SHe pulled out her phone quickly sending an apology text.

Selene- Hey Ferg, I am sorry for the way I acted. Maybe we need to take some time away from each other.

Fergs- You do not need to apologize. I am sorry too. I understand if you need time. Please know I am here for you. Maybe we can talk before the flight to Bray?

Selene did respond, she just set her phone down to speak with her friend. She smiled sadly,” There everything is handled for now.” She got up pulling her thick brown hair in to a bunn. She sat next to becky hugging her. “ What plans do you have for today?”

“Well I am having a gym and lunch date with Seth. You want to come?”

Shaking her head Selen spoke “ Um, No. I really need a day to myself, plus not hate but I really dont need to be around two people that are so clearly in love.”

Becky’s face turned a light shade of pink, “I may really love him. I wish he would just ask me out.”

“Or maybe you ask him out. I am just gonna hang out here and nurse my broken hearth with Chips and bad Tv.” Just as she finished her phone let out a chime.

She picked up the phone “ Hello?”

Paul’s voice invaded her mind “Hello, it’s Paul from work, He laughed, “ COO of WWE. Is this Selene Ren?”

Selene let out a quiet laugh “ Yes, sir this is Selene. How can I help you?”

“ I was calling to set up a meeting, I am an opportunity that I think would be great for you. Is there a good time we can meet?”

“ Oh yeah. I am free any time today and tomorrow. I also work on Raw Monday if that works for you.”

“I you wouldn’t mind i would like to meet later today. I understand you have some time coming up and I just want to get some details down before you last day before vacation.”

“ Sure, I am be ready in like 10 min if that work. Where you like me to meet you?”

He laughed “ I know you would be the one for the job. Let's say like noon at the coffee shop in our hotel?”

“ That is perfect. I look forward to speaking with you.”

“ Thank you for making time. Talk to you later.”

“You too sir.”

As the phone went dead Selene looked over to a concerned looking Becky. She spoke “ Selene what’s going on?”

She let out a breath she did not know she was holding, “Triple H just set up a meeting for today. He and a job for me.” Her voice was a mixture of nerves and excitement “ Maybe this is my chance to be cool like you?”

Becky jumped up on the bed “ That is Sick! You have to call me as soon as you are done. I need to know everything!”

Selene giggled “ I will! I am so excited! When is you date with Daddy? Do you mind is i take a show now. I am still a bit hungover.”

“ It is not until later. Go ahead. Do not be nervous this is what you have been working so hard for.” Selen hugged Beck before walking into the bathroom.

#finn balor x reader #wwe fanfic #wwe fanfiction #wwe x reader #wwe

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hel-phoenyx · 6 months ago

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Ether is @noa-de-cajou's character and Faloi and Chiara are @corneille-but-not-the-author's

I don't want to be tied up by the bonds of marriage.

I am five, sitting at the family table. Even though I am princess, we always find time like this, all four of us, me, mom, dad and my twin Korrin, even more ever since mom had a stillborn. I learnt to love those moments, where dad cooks and moms sits down and unwinds about her day or jokes or just does what normal moms that arent queens do of their day.

But today is different, because today Chiara joined us for dinner and even though people still think I am too little I can't miss dad's looks towards her, or mom's looks toward dad. Today, they're unhappy, silent, only guided through a nice meal by our chief of armies that can't stop eating what's on the table, and mom is turning between her fingers what I suppose is her wedding ring.

Probably what's stopping her from saying something, or dad to kiss Chiara like he so desperately wants to. I am five, not an idiot.

If that's what marriage does, I don't want it.

I'd rather be free to love whoever I want to.

I don't want to be tied up by the bonds of marriage.

Auntie Nru is marrying auntie Asura today, and everyone looks happy, to the exception of uncle Mairù. But uncle Mairù is never happy, and whatever seething he's under he doesn't say anything.

I am ten, and under the tree I'm hiding behind are my stupid brother and his girlfriend freshly won. She is cute, the little Aelie, all in blonde hair and one eye and rats everywhere around her and looks she never spares my twin, looks full of longing and happiness. A happiness I never even imagined.

Who would be happy to kiss that idiot, after all ?

That's my twin brother. And in a matter of minutes, I am completely forgotten, nevermind I am the one that pushed them to confess. For the rest of the evening he dances only with her, sings only with her, laughs only with her. Jiro far away is crying his eyes out, thinking I don't see him, and the other children are only laughing of how cute the two lovebirds are.

"Say, Aelie, do you want to marry me one day ?" He says, still looking in her eye. She nods, expectantly, and smile even brighter.

"I would ! Does that mean one day I'll be queen like Lina ?"

He nods, and I seethe. Of course she would be, why would anyone choose the single girl over the boy that has a woman ready to take the place ? They chose my parents because they were a man and a woman, able to conceive. Why would they coose otherwise ?

One day they'll hold hands a little too long and a child would be born, or however children are made, dad still hasn't explained. And I'll be tossed aside like I always am. Because marriage is a bond that stops you from opening to others. Because marriage is a bond that tie you to one and only.

I don't want to be tied up by the bonds of marriage.

I think, while looking at the picture recently commissionned. I am twenty one and mom and dad married Chiara, in a long and excruciating process that made the royal family officialy cut ties with religion. About time, but I am no one to bring my opinion. I am only the princess no one wants for her to study politics.

But what choice is there still ? Korrin is locked in the castle's infirmary, mourning for a wife he never had. Selene is now moon archpriestress and doesn't show any signs of wanting to get back in the succession line. There is only me, and never mind that mom is pregnant, because that child won't have time to learn. Travellers live long, but those who looked Death in the eyes thrice don't enjoy that kind of privileges.

Those three people, happy as they are in their dresses and suits, brought a country to the verge of a civil war with their bonds. That would have been so easier to keep rings out of this and just let dad give Chiara a child. But traditions are important, it seems. I hate traditions.

I want to break them.

I don't want to be tied up by the bonds of marriage.

I think, from the might of my twenti-six years of wisdom, looking at the lovestruck look on Faloi's face while she struts in the garden. Chifuniro, she's called, and I know Faloi enough to recognize when his traits are ever-so relaxed. Lovestruck is a weird term for the always expresionless President, but I know every nook and cranny of that face like I studied it for leverage that's now useless.

I clear my throat, and a little spasm tells me I have taken him by surprise. This is so rare coming from him that yesterday parried even my sharpest blades.

"Do you intend to marry her ?"

He raises an eyebrow.

"What kind of question is that ?"

"I mean, no matter the system of Genos, a wedding would secure a very solid alliance as long as she's living, and she seems to have a long life ahead, just like you. Enough time to sing treaties that go beyond the simplest protection."

"I do not think politics was your first thought as I know you hate arranged marriages."

"Just answer the question."

He shrugs, returns his gaze on her.

"She didn't come here with the intent in organising a wedding, but with a desire for protection. Forcing a marriage would just completely send to Abyss my values for this country, and her wishes."

I do not think this would be forcing. I have seen her looks and I have felt her longing. I always had a instinct for that kind of thing. But in my heart lies a relief, the one of her who finally found someone who understand.

That was, until Faloi sighed.

"That being said, it would be impossible in the current situation. Would you find me selfish if I told you that I wished once for this to happen, in another time ?"

I would not find you selfish.

Stupid would be more of an appropriate word.

I don't want to be tied up by the bonds of marriage.

Our breaths synchronize for a fleeting moment, before her back falls on the bed and she brings me in her embrace. She is one of the hundreds of people I have brought to my bed in my forty years of life, ever since I learned the mystery behind the body and pleasure, but this one I want her to stay longer. Maybe this is why it's the fifth time I've allowed her to see me naked, maybe it's why I know the taste of her sweat better that anyone else on this country.

We stay silent for a moment, relishing in the moment, before she clears her throat.

"Lamia, I had a question."

"Ask."

There is no need with politeness with her. I can just use words, more free than I ever was.

"Would you want to marry me one day ?"

I freeze. Out of all the questions coming out of her mouth, this was the last I expected. How did that subject end up on the table, why did she thought it was a good idea ?

"What do you mean ?"

"I'm sorry, I know you need an heir, a man, or someone that could give you a child... But your mother the Queen normalised polyamory, so I thought, I thought it wasn't a bad idea to ask."

Her heart is beating under my ear, a sound I recognised instantly despite all this time trying to ignore it. A sound my own heart could never match, a sound I thought so long I'd never hear again.

Why now ? Why you ?

All I wanted was someone that could understand me.

I rip myself from her embrace, stands up, bare in my nudity. She still looks at me, looks at the marks she made, the fabric of the sheets still on my legs, hy hair sticky with the remaining of our intimacy.

"I don't intend to marry anyone."

"Why ?"

She looks so hurt.

"I thought you loved me."

I do. But never in the way of the one that wants a bond. Never with a beating heart, never with longing or sorrow, only with understanding.

That we do not share that same love is why I do not want to be tied up, ever.

So like I did coutless time before I close my heart and looks at her with unreadable eyes.

"I never love someone enough to chain me up to them."

Tears come to her eyes, screams get stuck in her mouth. She grabs her clothes, sprint out of my room, leaving me behind in our shared heat and her smell still lingering.

I don't ever wanna feel like someone tugged on my leash.

I don't want to be tied up by the bonds of marriage.

Maybe you were right, Faloi, to think a wedding would destroy your values. Because as much as the country asks for it, never I have ever loathed more the moment where someone would slip a ring around my finger.

That's why I didn't. Up until my hundred year of life, I always turned down countless pretendants. Would you believe, Faloi, that one of the candidates to Ink presidency tried to marry me, thinking that would give him more weight ? Thinking he would get back to monarchy with on his arm the perfect consort and a kingdom ready to be inherited to his children ?

Never. Never I want that. For him, or any other countries that tried to court me. I'll be queen Lamia the Irst Frosilaen until I'll die, and my child will bear the name of Ink's first president, of the Mandate's hero queen, and mine.

But I still need a child, for the succession to continue after me. My councelors press me well enough. Ithink I see the appeal of democracy now. You don't have to think about that kind of things. You have to think, though, about a shitload of other problems.

I will birth a child, if that's what they want for me. I am still young, still a grey mage, and still able to birth.

I don't want that child to have any other parents.

I get out discretly while no one's looking, and fuck whoever can't recognise the queen. Maybe the one that got me pregnant is that blonde guy with the understanding eye, or the brunette that only thrusted twice before leaving trace of him in me, or maybe it's that one girl I returned to twice because her hair caught my eye.

I don't know. Only I know that a year later my Daiyei is born, and she took everything from her mother.

I don't want to be tied up by the bonds of marriage.

I never was so sure of that statement, even now, even when I am without crown and surrounded with women that everyone thinks frivolous and naîve. The naïve women that would bring kingdoms down. Former prostitutes, army chieftains, runaway noblewomen, they're all ready to topple everything I want them to, but I limit them to my body and tea parties.

I never want more in life, but Ether's look of sheer hapiness is making me wonder what exactly she puts herself into. And with Xingtzao of the Shabbatai-Qianfu, no less. I'll always remember then like the first big country to ever rebel against Faloi, the first that gave us problems, far, far from the UFS and their stupid jester. My presence here is sour, it's a provocation none of them wants to take.

My girls scatter to gather information, not for me but for queen Daiyei the first, that asked for them before my departure. Clever girl. She'll go far, if my death does not get her killed my my countless enemies.

I am only left alone with the newly nominated consort.

She looks at me with wary eyes. We have history. But apparently, she's willing to put that aside for the pretty eyes of her new wife.

Or maybe it's the purple necklace arund her neck, last thing that's left from a man we both miss terribly.

We talk. I look at her. Grief is still deep in her only eye. I dare not ask her how she lost it.

"I think you were his happiness too."

I mean it.

I don't want to be tied up by the bonds of marriage.

Why get bonded if you can love freely, on your own terms ?

#hel is talking #hel ocs #lysara #lysara ibruael #hel writing #little snippet about Lamia's relationship to marriage :D #the loveless aro meets the ruthless queen and the girl that hates traditions

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the-al-chemist · 1 year ago

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The Beginning of a Symphony - Chapter 39

A/N: We are coming to the end of this journey, but before they go, each of the main characters has one last farewell chapter. First is Ethel, with my favourite chapter of this whole story. It’s dedicated to my beloved @lifeofkaze, with love.

Warnings: All the emotions. No, really. In an Ethel chapter. I know.

OCs featured/mentioned: Selene Fraser @lifeofkaze

June 1897

The Gryffindor Common Room was hosting the most raucous party that Ethel had ever known it to host in all the years she had been at school, and with good reason: Gryffindor had just won the Quidditch Cup.

It had been a fiercely fought game, with both sides having high stakes in the match; the Hufflepuff team were desperate to keep their title as champions, and the Gryffindors were determined to steal that title from them. For Ethel more than anyone, this was personal. She had sworn blind to Lysander Mercury the year before that she and her team would beat him and his, and finally, she had made good on that promise.

She should have been delighted, but she was not. Naturally, she was happy to have been victorious and to have bested Lysander, but even so, she could not help but feel hollow somehow. It was for that reason that she left the celebrations in the Common Room and retired early to her bedchamber.

She had barely finished donning her nightrobes when the door opened and she was joined by Selene, who looked at her as if concerned.

“Are you quite well, Effy?” she asked.

“Yes. Just tired from the excitement, I think,” Ethel replied. “You need not worry on my account. And you need not miss out on the party, either. You can attend without my being there.”

But Selene shook her head. “There’s no party worth attending if you are not also in attendance.”

She changed into her nightrobes and unbraided her hair, before climbing not into her own bed, but Ethel’s. They sat propped against the pillows, with Selene’s head resting on Ethel’s shoulder, and Ethel’s resting on Selene’s crown.

“In truth, Effy, I also feel too tired to attend the party.”

“You do?”

“Yes. It do not know why, but I have not felt like celebrating all evening. I should be ecstatic, but I feel a little empty. Is that not strange?”

“It is rather strange, and yet I feel the same way,” Ethel frowned. “I wonder why that is.”

“I do not know. I suppose we shall have plenty of time to find out.”

“We shall indeed. After all, it’s not like there will not be other victory parties to attend in the future.”

Selene sighed heavily, but she smiled. “Yes, I suppose we are bound to attend many victory parties when we both join the Chudley Cannons.”

Ethel returned Selene’s smile, but her words made her feel even worse than she already did. Now, she did not just feel deflated, she felt guilty as well.

“Selly, my dear, I… I am afraid that I have a confession to make,” she said. Selene lifted her head from her shoulder and frowned, and Ethel sat up a little straighter. “I fear that perhaps I no longer wish to be a Quidditch player when I grow up. I am sorry. I know that it has always been our dream to play for the Cannons together, but-”

“Effy, no!”

“It is true, Selene. Will you ever forgive me?”

“There is nothing to forgive.” Selene was also sitting up straight, facing Ethel. She did not look upset or angry, but hopeful. “I have also had doubts as to whether my dreams have changed. I was worried that you might never forgive me!”

“There is nothing you could ever do that I would not forgive,” Ethel told her. “So, pray tell, what might your new dream be?”

“I am not certain, but I know that it must be a dream we both can share,” said Selene. “I have been spending a great deal of time with Eliot Gerard of late, and it is his dream to be a travelling Healer.”

“I do not think that Healing should be our new dream.”

“No, me neither, but he has told me such wonderful stories of the mysteries and miracles of the world, and I would like for nothing more than to see and experience those for myself. I have been cooped up in my parents’ house for so many years, it is time that I saw everything else the world has to offer.”

“And we shall see to it that you are able to do precisely this.” Ethel nodded. “We shall travel together, and while we do so, we shall study and practice law.”

“Law?”

“Yes, Selly. While you have been listening to Eliot Gerard’s stories, I have been reading and reading and reading about the subject. I have discovered so much, and so much that I wish to change. By studying and practising law, we could be the ones to change that.”

“Oh, yes! That we could definitely do!”

“Oh, we shall see so much and do so much good. One day, we may even be able to be in the Wizengamot, or be Ministers for Magic! Wouldn’t that be superb?”

“It would,” Selene agreed, but the smile had slipped from her face. “But, Effy, how would we join the Wizengamot or be Ministers for Magic if we are travelling the world? We cannot change the laws of this country if we are always away visiting other places.”

That gave Ethel pause. She frowned, considering Selene’s words. She was right, Ethel could not travel the world and still achieve her political and legal ambitions in the country she lived in now. If she wished to join Selene and be a part of her dream, then she would have to leave those ambitions behind.

“Very well,” she said slowly. “In that case, I shall not set my sights on either. Instead, I shall come with you.”

“What about studying and practising law?” Selene asked.

“I can still study the law whilst we travel.”

“But… Your new dream, Effy!”

“It is no matter. If we search the whole world, I am certain to find another dream elsewhere,” said Ethel, trying her hardest to keep the doubt and disappointment from her voice. Clearly, she had not tried hard enough, however, for Selene shook her head.

“No, that will not do. I cannot stop you from achieving your ambitions,” she said. “I do not need to see the world. I can read about it in stories and imagine it. Who knows, my imagination may even be better than the reality.”

“Selene, you cannot mean to give up your wishes for mine.”

“You meant to do the same for me.”

“I know, but I cannot abide the idea of you being miserable on my account.”

“I shall not be miserable if I am to see you happy.”

“And I could never be happy if I knew that it was at your expense,” Ethel replied. “We shall go together.”

“No, we shall remain here together.”

“But, Selly…”

“You are my best friend, Ethel. I cannot allow you to abandon your dreams.”

“And I cannot allow you to abandon yours.”

Both girls knew the other to be incredibly stubborn. There was no way in which one might give way to the other. They had to reach a compromise.

“So, what should we do?” Selene asked with a puzzled expression.

Ethel thought for a moment, before coming up with a suggestion. It was not a suggestion that filled her with hope, but it was at least some sort of solution to their problem.

“We could stick to our old plan,” she said, feeling her heart sink at the words. “Of course, neither of us would be truly happy, but at least we would both be slightly miserable together.”

“We could do that, yes.” Selene sighed, and bit down on her bottom lip before adding: “Or…”

“Or?”

The word Ethel had hoped to hear. Naturally, Selene would find the answer. But Selene’s answer was not one that she had expected, nor wanted to hear:

“Or we could both be truly happy separated.”

Ethel’s lips parted and her eyebrows furrowed. She did not understand Selene’s meaning. How could either of them ever be truly happy if they were separated? How could they be separated? They were inseparable, everyone knew that.

“Listen. Really, listen,” Selene insisted. “One of us is going to have to sacrifice our dreams, and neither of us is prepared to watch the other do that. If we both sacrifice our dreams, we will be together, but we will both be unhappy.”

“I don’t mind being unhappy,” said Ethel, completely honestly.

“No, but I mind your being unhappy. And you mind my being unhappy.” Selene’s eyes were filling with tears. “If the only way for us both to be happy is for us to be so apart, then that is what we shall have to do. We shall miss each other greatly, but I would much rather miss you and be content knowing that you are happy than to see you miserable. Do you not feel the same?”

Ethel did not want to admit it, but it was true. If it was a choice between sacrificing Selene’s happiness or sacrificing Selene’s presence at her side, she knew which she must sacrifice. So, reluctantly, she nodded her head.

“Our dreams are pulling us down two different paths,” Ethel said. Her own eyes were teary now, it made her vision blurry. “And if we must go our separate ways to follow them, then go our separate ways we must.”

“I believe so.”

A tear ran down Selene’s cheek. Seeing her so upset was enough to render Ethel entirely resolute. She was also upset, but could be strong, if only for Selene. She put her hand to Selly’s face, wiped her tear away with her thumb, and told her:

“You shall go, and you shall see the world.”

“And you shall stay, and you shall change it for the better.”

Selene took hold of Ethel’s hand and squeezed it, tight. Ethel blinked back her tears, to no avail.

“I will miss you, though,” she told Selene.

“And I you,” was Selene’s reply. “But we…” She swallowed. “Effy, do you promise that whatever we both do, and wherever we both go, that we shall always be sisters?”

“Always, Selly. I promise.”

The two girls - the two sisters - were both crying now, and there was nothing that could stop either of from doing so. And though they both knew it was impossible to console the other, they still wrapped their arms around each other in a hug so tight that no one other than they themselves would ever be able to separate them.

#ethel hexley #selene fraser #the beginning of a symphony #hogwarts legacy

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selene-moonie · 2 months ago

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my thoughts while reading shatter me

I'm two thirds of the way into Unravel Me, and unravelling, things definitely are.

It reads like a YA novel - Big surprise Selene, it's a ya novel. Yeah, it's slightly annoying though. I know in my heart and soul I am wrong for comparing it to Hunger Games but I have not read a YA dystopian novel that hits the same. The themes? The fact that the romance was just a ploy in the book that we ate up irl as well? The 2024 relevance? Come on, nothing compares.

Everyone is super touchy - I'll be the first to say as an undersocialised teen, these kinds of books set me tf up for a lot of real life experiences. Does sex always equate to love? No. Are there other ways to show love? Yes. - Ok but Selene, Juliette is touch starved. Fine. But again, why is it that all you guys seem to think about when it comes to emotional intimacy is these extreme sexual touches? - I'm at the point where the switch between Adam and Warner in Juliette's mind is happening, and I think Adam cares more about the physical aspect of it than Warner does - which I enjoy as a reader because again, lust and sexual desire does not equate to love. There are other aspects of relationships that don't include physicality.

I judged the YA teens too harshly when I was a teen - Or maybe I didn't. I didn't want to read about simpering girls whose parents died and suddenly they had the power of a thousand suns but was held back by choosing between two boys - blond and brown haired (it was not the vibe in my years). - On the flip side, I was no better than these confused girls, and many of us growing up were not either. So maybe I misjudged them. It took me years to learn how to stand on my own two feet, and that's with things like therapy and stuff. Nobody had that in those books.

I remember why I stopped reading these stories - Stress mostly. I am so distressed reading this story because every 0.2 seconds, Juliette is about to have a meltdown, every time we see Adam it's because he's melting down, Kenji is just trying to be responsible because he sees the bigger picture, and if that author kills Kenji, I will find her, but no one else ever will.

It seems disconnected from the main point - Or maybe not. Let's look into it - Juliette seems more preoccupied with her new feelings about these boys than she is about the actual fucking threat of the world collapsing. Or something to that effect. She's disconnected from the actual threat, which is the Reestablishment. "Oh the Reestablishment is bad, Warner yum yum." Stop. You just want a normal life, and you are playing at these very adult games. "People have died." Have they? She's so preoccupied with her feelings about Adam and Warner that she actively forgets that Brendan and Winston might be dead. I'm sorry? Should Castle have threatened her after she showed up fucking empty-handed after getting to know Aaron Fucking Warner? Come on.

Kenji is superior - He's the only one who deserves anything ever. He's the only one that understands the threat of what's going on that I don't even think Castle gets.

I'm still on the fence about Omega Point - We've seen it in the French Revolution and my favorite dystopian ya story ever (Hunger Games if you couldn't tell): the people who takes the position of power may be no better than the ones they killed to get the position.

I wonder if killing James will give Juliette and Adam some context - If James dies, it'll definitely be a point of no return. They'll both take the threat seriously, and they'll do their best, or worst.

#shatter me #unravel me #juliette ferrars #adam kent #aaron warner #kenji kishimoto #kenji deserves better friends #kenji is the only one that didn't fall out of a coconut tree #kenji exists within the context #adam and juliette need to get their heads out their asses

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megatraven · 2 months ago

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"So while it IS true that they're alone... it's not because they're alone. :) And that might very well be worse :)))) "

I feel so bad for Alex here, the woman they loved is permanently gone to essentially Hell with her husband and daughter.

Gods and Demigods are hunted or at least shunned by monsters now?

Josh wants nothing to do with the gods so that's one friend gone. I can't remember May's feelings but yeah their only family member is essentially the guy that tried to kill you and the woman you loved.

The woman they loved and still love! They literally risk their life to warn her about Hercules. They literally say that they had to make sure she wouldn't kill them on sight before they were willing to talk to her long enough to warn her. They thought she might kill them, too.

That makes me so fucking insane!!!!!!!!!!

They still love her, after all of it! She might kill them, and they love her! They care about her and her family! They just want her to be happy. Their love for her saved her life, and it ruined theirs, and they... still love her. Do you understand how devastating that is? I am in ruins over this every day of my life <3

As for being hunted by, that's just speculation on my part! When monsters already hated gods and demigods so much, and with some monsters being so violent (certain monstrous gang members, minotaur, etc.), I don't think it's too far-fetched to assume some demigods get killed in the aftermath of the fall of Olympus. Some titans were violent, too, probably. I would also believe it if demigods and the like tried to rally together to fight against monsters and titans, which would result in more conflict and more injuries/deaths. I doubt all the demigods and the like would just want to sit idly by after what happened, anyway.

That, and there's the fact that MC, Astraeus, Selene, and Helios would do routine sweeps of HERA and Olympus to make sure no one was still using either place. While MC was always looking for Alex... they were fully aware that others could seek out the remaining power in those places.

ANYWAYS there was always tension between monsters and demigods/the divine. Some might be more friendly than others (like Cerberus and his brothers; they're on the side of the gods), but for the most part, gods and monsters had a shitty relationship. So while I wouldn't necessarily say they're "shunned" by monsters, they've never really had a good enough relationship between them to find much help there anyway. Better to go into hiding than risk walking into a bar full of monsters that hate your guts when there's nothing left in place to protect you other than the neutral ground being enforced by the very woman who killed the gods :)

As for Josh, it's true he wants nothing to do with the gods, BUT he accepts that it's Just Part Of His Life Now. Humans are now aware of monsters and gods being real, thanks to the titans. Meaning they don't have to hide anymore. And his sister is dating a titan. And he wants her in his life more than he wants to keep out of godly business. So it's less a "wants nothing to do with the gods" in this case and more of a "he's on mc's side above all others and alex cannot be in contact with him without risking themself because he would almost definitely tell mc that he saw them" situation.

and MAY!!! is very similar to josh. in that mc is her best friend and she said that she would be on mc's side over the gods. so yep! everyone that alex could maybe talk to/depend on either has a closer relationship with mc than with them, or hates their guts for lending their help to the fall of the gods!!! yippee!!!!!!!

but again, herc isn't alex's only remaining family member either, they have more family than just him. it's just that none of them trust alex at all and we don't know the specifics of who's left. i can imagine perseus is still around somewhere. maybe nyela (<now THAT would hurt. if alex were being rebuffed by her, too. like i would get it. but that would fucking suck LMAO...... although...... and this is purely headcanon..... maybe that's the link that helped them find out about hercules' plan............ just a thought 👀) or any number of the other demigods we've seen in the stories. who knows!

i'm sure there are plenty of demigods still around, in hiding, waiting for the gods to come back. trying to stay alive so they can assist when the time comes.

but in the meantime, yes. alex is, essentially, alone. even after mc tries to offer them a place with her. they love her and they hate her and they fear her. it is such an incredibly heartbreaking thing. just another reason why i love them <3 they can fit SO much heartbreak and pain inside <3333

#SORRY some of my response got away from me a little :] i like to yap about astoria teehee #astoria #lovestruck voltage #lovestruck #astoria: fate's kiss #astoria: lost kisses #alex cyprin #alex

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caliburn-the-sword · 1 year ago

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winter thoughts up to chapter 14

frankly. not enough scarlet. but i only had the time to read a handful of chapters

iko is so dramatic and i love her. ik she's meant to be the fairy godmother figure, but honest to god with how much she wants to be human and imitates humans (like pretending to faint cause of kai) she honestly seems like a pinocchio type character here too

now that i'm playing association games of aligning characters with other characters, i realised that cinder is technically the huntsman from little red riding hood since she saved scarlet from getting eaten by wolf. since there is a huntsman in snow white as well, that makes me wonder if she might therefore play a similar role in winter's story. that would be very interesting

"I'm on your side," he said. "No matter what." this smells like foreshadowing that he will in fact NOT be on her side no matter what. through no fault of his own of course. levana brainwashing arc when???

LMAO WOLF KNOCKED HIM OUT COLD. favourite trope ever fr

completely agreed cinder. i love a man that's battered and bruised fr

NOOOO don't tell me that thorne is TRYING to make cress jealous. cringe. gross. i'm throwing up in my mouth in the middle of my studies of religion class

is it just me or is thorne flirting with kai?? that is frankly much more preferable since they're both adults to kaider or cresswell honestly

nevermind it's some weird alpha male bs they're trying to one up each other and make them feel insecure about their girls. so basically the whole percy/jason leader thing but w o r s e

why do i want to write an au where cinder grew up as princess selene and she and kai have an arranged marriage and enemies to lovers relationship. i need to stop coming up with fanfic ideas when i've got important exams coming up in 2 months. it's bad enough i even decided to binge this entire series in the first place LMAO (but also it's so worth it). i bet i could find hundreds of fics with this exact premise on ao3 so maybe i'll save myself the effort

yes kai pardon thorne for theft so that you can correctly try him for being a damn pedo

don't mind me immediately connecting the kai has stockholm syndrome joke to beauty and the beast and realising that between cinder and her glamour (the lunar glamour obviously being the beast part btw) then she and kai could also technically be beauty and the beast. forgive me it's the ouat instinct

thorne was SO real for pointing out that kai is a rich royal bastard. not to spread my republican agenda (reminder that i am aussie and when i say republican i mean fuck the brit monarchy not racist trump nonsense) but the eastern commonwealth should TOTALLY do away with kai and bring back democracy. that's why i disagree with the characters calling for his forced abdication because they're just gonna instate ANOTHER royal eventually instead of getting rid of that shit altogether. while we're at it, instead of retaking the throne cinder should DESTROY it and ALSO institute a democracy

damn didn't realise thorne was having sad boy hours about leaving his crew disbanding. me too because i HATE it when the found family breaks up

"most of them even call me Captain" iko and cress is only two people. i think thorne needs to go back to school and retake maths because that is NOT most

EWWWWWWWWWW JAIL FOR THORNE JAIL FOR A THOUSAND YEARS

winter is embroidering. i am emotional

help this jacinter scene was nice and super romantic until "There were times when she stood so close that he was amazed at his own ability to keep his hands to himself" WHAT???? rocking myself back and forth in my seat reminding myself figure of speech figure of speech figure of speech. YIKES

@eddisfargo @francforever @winterrhayle @winterpinetrees @shellyseashell

#the lunar chronicles #tlc #cinder linh #marissa meyer #carswell thorne #crescent moon darnel #tlc wolf #ze'ev kesley #emperor kai #winter hayle blackburn #jacin clay #tlc winter

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awildofnothing · 6 months ago

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Hades 2 continued thoughts (spoilers under cut)

Okay I got real carried away describing my first winning run below. It was ridiculous luck with boons though.

Anyone else finding themselves humming “I am gonna claw out your eyes and drown you to death” at work or out at bars? Lol. I feel little crazy whenever I catch myself.

I predicted in my earlier post after like 10 hours of play that Hades / Zag / other OG characters would become playable each time you defeated Chronos (as in, you’d get to free one member of the house of Hades for each defeat, and they’d then be playable for surface runs). This was obviously far fetched because it would multiply the work needed when developing the game, but I’m taking the brief moment where you pilot Hades in the flashback to Chronos’ takeover as confirmation and claiming I was right 🤷

I still think it would be cool if you did get to free one trapped family member at a time once you got to a certain number of defeats against Chronos- it would be a cool narrative way to justify repeated runs.

I’m still in love with Nemesis but I think I might be equally enamored with Moros. What a beautiful antlered man. I feel like him and Melinoe would relate so much with the constraints and expectations of their fated upbringings and distance from any actual closeness with family.

I was feeling super dejected after losing run #24 to Chronos when I had a frankly amazing setup. I imagined Melinoe would also feel dejected. Moros was so sweet and immediately lifted my spirits. Nemesis stomped on them extra and then continued to insult me even after winning. Perfect duo ❤️

Okay winning run thoughts:

1. Finally beat Chronos on run 27. Was pretty surprised it took me that long because around run 15 (with sprint and death defiance arcana unlocked and a good amount of grasp) it really felt like it should happen any run. There were a good number of surface runs mixed in there too so that made it take a little longer.

2. I think the biggest factor in me finally winning the Chronos fight, outside of getting the exact boons I wanted (more below), was realizing I do not actually want to be distant from him all the time in phase 1. Same as Hades, there are some attacks that are really only dodgeable if you dart through him.

2a. Also for phase 2, I made a rule for myself that I mostly shouldn’t be sprinting and it helped. Phase 2 is just about not panicking and planning your dashes to safety. Chronos himself does not do crazy damage in Phase 2, so if you stay safe from the moving terrain you are basically good.

3. I had only two boons at the end of second biome on this run (Hephaestus blast on attack and Apollo sprint- these alone carried my run). By the time I got to Chronos I had 7 poms on the attack blast and it was triggering for 200 damage in a small aoe every 3 seconds 🤯. Plus, using Melinoe staff, omega attack would trigger the blast and aoe on each mob that was hit.

4. This was mostly accidental lol. I had an epic cast boon in Erebus but Nemesis offered me a deal to trade it for 3 poms. I only had attack and cast so this seemed like a bad deal at the time; however I want her to destroy me romantically and physically so I was never going to say no to her. Then I realized my attack, which I’d aimed for with Heph’s trinket, was triggering more often instead of just for more damage and was like hold on… I can work with this.

5. Avoided all other boons except Zeus after that because I wanted blitz on special (the first chaos trial I’d just unlocked the run prior to this helped solidify this strategy in my mind because of the basically unlimited magic - blitz and blast on special and attack, 1-2 punch where special sets blitz and then omega attack blast triggers it) and just aimed for poms otherwise to see how quick I could make the attack cooldown for giggles mostly. Ended up being rewarded with a rare special blitz in the Mourning Fields after choosing a Zeus boss room over a normal Selene and hammer room, which felt amazing.

6. Idk why I’m typing all this out really, I don’t expect anyone to actually read through it. I don’t have anyone in real life to discuss it with so I’m shouting at the void I guess. It was very satisfying to struggle for a good 10 runs with Chronos and then have a few aha moments and basically beat him with full health and all death defiances the next run.

7. I understand better how to build high damage builds in hades 2 now. I feel like I had to actively avoid gods I wasn’t aiming for, sometimes choosing bones or grasp over boons. I used two god trinkets that run in the first two biomes and was intentional about what I wanted.

8. Forgot to even mention my girl Selene and the healing hex, which let me bank 11 charges of +35 healing going into the Chronos fight 😇. Also got Demeter’s freeze cast at the very end, and I could be wrong, but it seems to me like that one CCs even armored enemies??? Not just reduces movement speed to approaching zero like the cast, but stopping attack and other actions as well??? Seems OP and like either a big or something I misinterpreted in the frenzy of play, but I’ll test more later in a surface run.

#hades 2 #shouting into the void because no one in my real life will pick up hades #and creating my own posts on reddit scares me

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litcityblues · 9 months ago

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The Wheel of Time Rewatch/Reread Pt. 2

I said it before and I'll say it again: I don't like Amazon's insistence on 8 episode seasons for their shows- especially this show. I think two more episodes per season would give this show the room to breathe that I think it desperately needs sometimes, though I will say this: Season 2 is a lot better than Season 1.

What did I like about Season 2? I don't know if it's a closer adaptation of the book, but it does follow the structure of the book a bit more and there are moments- identifiable, real, important moments from the book that make it into the show. (The opening meeting of Darkfriends and Nyn's Accepted Testing-- the opening ceremony of the latter is lifted nearly verbatim from the book, which is awesome.) But broadly speaking, while in the books Rand doesn't run away-- he joins the hunt for the Horn of Valere with Perrin and does wind up spending a good chunk of time in Cairhein and on the way there, he meets Selene (Natasha O'Keeffe), who is eventually revealed to be Lanfear.

So the show in this season isn't straying too far from the structure of the actual book and as a result, overall, this feels a lot more like The Wheel of Time I was expecting in the first season.

(Yes, yes, the usual caveats apply: No, I didn't expect a perfect adaptation. Yes, I am willing to grade on a curve because showrunners have to bring in a new audience and not just a book audience and hopefully the show inspires more people to read the books.)

The book, however, starts a lot differently. We're still in Fal Dara when the book starts and instead of meeting Lady Amalisa at the end of the last book (as we did in the television show), we meet here in the early chapters of The Great Hunt. She's still the sister to Lord Agelmar-- I don't think there are references to her being able to channel and certainly don't see any of the nonsense (being able to link, burning herself out, etc.) that we saw at the end of the first season of the show. She is still good friends with Moiraine, but- since the Amyrlin Seat comes to visit, she also gets poked pretty hard by Liandrin about keeping tabs on Mat, Rand, and Perrin.

They don't come right out to say it-- in fact, I don't think they come right out and say anywhere in the book, but right from the get-go it's heavily implied that Liandrin is bad, potentially Black Ajah, even if they don't come out and say it yet. (The fact that they set this tone early makes it even more ridiculous later in the book when Liandrin shows up to Egewene and Nyn and just says 'Come with me to save your friends' and Min and Elayne just say 'We'll come too' and no one stops to think about whether they should trust her or not. Granted, we know that as readers they probably shouldn't, but they as novices/Accepted are probably pretty inculcated into obedience to full Aes Sedai by that point, even though Liandrin takes them in THE WAYS where, you know, Machin Shin lives-- I would have thought at some point, one of them would have been like 'hey, wait a minute!)

We also have hints of Aes Sedai politics from the first book and we see them in full force in the opening chapters of the second book. Moiraine's reception ahead of the meeting with Amyrlin is very similar to her reception in front of the Hall of The Tower in Season 1 of the show-- lots of frostiness and veiled threats about how she needs to be checked and brought under control.

The meeting between Siuan and Moiraine is excellent and I love, love, love that Verin has figured out what they're up to. Verin was always one of my favorite book characters and The Great Hunt provides a powerful reminder as to why-- she's got a much better relationship with Rand- more of a 'Hey man, I can't teach you, but if you listen to me, I might be able to help you, not, you know, kill yourself.' type of a vibe as a posed to Moiraine's vibe of 'I will KILL YOU before I let you turn to the Shadow.' I like her as part of the company tracking the Horn down into Cairhein. I like her in Falme, where she references the prophecy that 'five will ride forth'. In general, Verin is one of my favorites.

(And the show (where she's played by Meera Syal) captures her more or less perfectly-- even if she's mixed a little with Vandene, as a posed to be an Aes Sedai in the Tower all herself-- speaking of which: we do see Moiraine with Vandene and Adeleas in the book and she's there trying to figure her stuff out-- which is a nice parallel to what we see in the show. Moiraine meets with Bayle Domon there in the show-- who again, is far more prominent in the books than he is in the show at least so far. But here, we get a sort of Bayle Domon chapter almost-- which seems a little apropos of nothing, but is in fact, a nice bit of plotwork that sets up for the finale in Falme.)

The meat and potatoes of the book is about Rand and the hunt for the Horn of Valere which makes the most sense because the book is called The Great Hunt. Ingtar keeps them pushing south hard and fast-- Rand has that weird moment in the village (channeling?) and we get some early glimpses of maybe Selene and we find out just how bad Fain has become with the Fade being nailed up by him.

We see a lot of Cairhein in the book and the show- though Lord Barthanes (Will Tudor) is in fact Moiraine's nephew in the show and Anvaere (Lindsey Duncan) (who I think is meant to be the woman who saves Rand from a crowd of women who want him for Daes Dae'Mar reasons) is Moiraine's sister and I like that the show parallels that structure.

The best things the show does in this season revolve around Cairhein. Jordan references but never digs into the aging thing and Aes Sedai. We gradually find out that Aes Sedai can live for a very long time and that there's some obvious heartache involved as family members grow old and die and age faster than they do. The show jumps right into that territory and it's kind of awesome. They also set about trying to tackle a problem that it takes Rand four books to address: how to use the male half of the source, which is why he's trying to gain access to Logain.

What's missing from the show is the whole business with Portal Stoes. That's the introduction to Selene-- she keeps pushing him onto 'greatness' and Rand is really uncomfortable with finding out that he's second in command if Ingtar (Gregg Chilingirian) goes down, but he is insistent on finding the dagger to help Mat and grows into the role, whether he likes it or not.

(There are some hints of voices that aren't his here and there, building up to Lews Therin making an actual appearance at some point, I would imagine. We also get a glimpse of the giant hand with the orb in it that we come to realize is the Choedan Kal in later books.)

Where the show loses me a little is when Moiraine catches up with Rand and straight up slits Selene's throat. Granted, she's Lanfear, so she revives and comes after them-- but again, not in the book. I also don't think that the show does that good of a job with Nyn, Egewene, and Elayne (Ceara Coveney)-- but that's also weirdly parallel to the book in many ways. We don't really get back to that trio after they arrive in Tar Valan and Nyn tests for Accepted until the end of the book (about 80%) of the way through and that sets up Egewene and the Seanchan.

The worst part of the show is probably the needless drama between Moiraine and Lan. Yes, in the book she does call him on the carpet and tell him she's passing his bond and kind of smacks him around a bit, but it doesn't take, like a third of the book. And Moiraine's situation would have been a lot more believable had she not already said in the first season that she can't see male weaves. It's a wee bit of a contradiction that sort of undoes that plot point for me.

The oath thing at the end of the show... I think that's going to be part of Siuan's undoing, but I do think you've got a bit of a mess there since the first season clearly establishes that Siuan's oath is different than what Moiraine says, so how does that even work? (I'm wondering if the general, 'let's see if we can get this show to go' aspect of the first season will reveal more of these little landmines going forward.)

The Seanchan of it all was fine. It's great in the books, it's perfect in the show. I don't like that they killed Uno and I get that the finale didn't quite reach the same epic level you saw in the books, but I think that's down to television and budgets more than anything else. (Think: Game of Thrones-- not every finale can be like the Battle of the Bastards-- I would guess that showrunners have to keep some of their powder dry for budgetary reasons, though that could be pure speculation on my part. But I do think that the quieter, internal struggles that we see are in keeping with the books-- after all, The Last Battle-- the confrontation between Rand and the Dark One isn't some big, epic thing. It's like the three of them arguing about competing visions of reality and one of them wins.)

The show, however, got me really excited by revealing two things in the last episode: one, is that all the Forsaken are now free and two, Moghedien (Laia Costa) is among them and she looks... awesome.

At the end of the day, all I'm going to ask from this show is that it gets better and it starts to feel more like the books. I think this season while not including some things I would have liked to see from the books (like Thom, the Illuminators, the Portal Stone, a visit to the Stedding, etc.) does parallel the structure of the books quite nicely. As a result, it was a. better- but not perfect and b. felt a lot more like The Wheel of Time.

Bring on Season 3.

#the wheel of time #season 2 #the great hunt #rewatch #reread

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