#seems tgtbt

[soulc-hilde]

TGTBT - L.G Chapter 2 Teaser

Fiona hops in front of the girl, bending down in hopes keeping eye contact would calm her down. Fiona eyes water at the darken, manic eyes that seem to stare through her. "C'mon, Le," Fiona quietly pleads, "calm down. He's not worth it, okay? Not again."

She pulls her into her chest, hugging her tightly, "go upstairs and calm down, a'ight. It's okay, it's okay." Feeling her shoulders slacken, she slowly turns her to the steps, not allowing Frank to fall in her sight.

Lodged in the boys' bedroom, Lecroy sat on Ian's bed with a lit blunt hanging from between her lips. Instead of actively inhaling and exhaling the substance, she simply partook in allowing the smoke to swirl inside her body with every passive breath in and shooting out of her nostrils with every breath out.

Her onyx eyes take a pitch of black that gives her a soulless appearance in the nearly dark room. They stare at the floor with a blank glare, not a thought emerging behind those pretty eyes. Lip and Ian, hell anyone who's a part of the Gallagher's close circle, was no stranger to Lecroy's bursts of rage.

It was as if she was her own Hulk, but without the heroic music playing in the background. She could threaten to tear a building from the inside out and mean it, enjoying the pain that licked at her skin with every hit. To the Gallaghers' it was a part of who she was, who they knew Lecroy to be. In her family, however, this was an unspoken of reality for them; a curse, as her grandmother would put it.

Here's chapter 2's teaser of the Lip Gallagher fanfic Too Good to be True. I've been working on it all night, it's now 12:29 EST, so I'm'a drop this for right now and then post the official sometime tomorrow.

SERIES MASTERLIST

[letmeliedown]

food update, still bad

a friend got me a skip card last night, so i have enough left for 1 meal today. still haven’t been able to order groceries. someone suggested this service called Bag Half Full that claims to buy your groceries and deliver them without a fee, as an act of mutual aid? i signed up last night but i haven’t gotten any confirmation from them so not expecting to any time soon & worried it’s either a scam or defunct

so any food help would still be really appreciated; you can send skipthedishes or walmart.ca giftcards to disasterlux@gmail.com (you have to have a canadian billing address), thank you!!

[the-blind-assassin-12]

🔪 Benjamin

🔪 from the far future of TGTBT:

Benjamin was sitting on the front step when you pulled into the drive. Oh, he looks… Your heart lurched and your stomach dropped as he stood slowly. Letting out a breath he kicked his heel back against the pavers and crossed his arms over his chest.

[ghostofbambifanfiction]

OFC James picked that Tumblr username. 😂 d’awww and look at him, being supportive and interested in Lily’s passions! He definitely DOES seem TGTBT but we all know he THE REAL DEAL 🥰

How else is she supposed to know that it is he, her attractive friend James?

[blackswan18]

TGTBT - Answers

Seems you all are pretty split on who bares most of the blame here. I myself go back and forth on who frustrates me more, but it’s probably most often Y/N. Tae is doing everything under the sun to show her he loves her and wants to be with her, but he can’t help her if he doesn’t know that what he’s doing isn’t enough or isn’t the right kind of assurance. Tae’s certainly not blameless, though. If insecurity and inability to communicate are Y/N’s biggest flaws, Tae being too trusting of other people is definitely his. The fact that he wears his heart on his sleeve and doesn’t hide his own emotions is making it hard for him to recognize that both Y/N and Jisoo are hiding their true feelings from him; Y/N is actually not at all OK with the fake dating plan and Jisoo is a conniving bitch hellbent on destruction. Hopefully these two can figure their shit out before it’s too late...

@ emberfulclass

See this is kinda hard because like I feel like his obliviousness is what’s starting to make her loose her trust in him but at the same time, she should tell him what’s going. he can’t read her mind. however, i get why she’s not saying cause if I was in this situation I would probably do the same.

@lisalisss

i think both of them but y/n need to say what is feeling because I mean she can’t just sit down and hide her feelings maybe this in the future she will like “explote” and that will hurt not just her feelings tae‘s too

@ourainymonday

Oh Y/N defs needs to communicate more effectively, which could lead to more understanding on Tae’s part. It is no one’s responsibility in a relationship to read the mind of the other half.

@yessii-i

I think both have their faults. Y/n could probably ease her pain if she spoke out about her worries and Tae could be more observant of y/no’s change in behavior.

@aianloveseven

I think both. Both of them wanted something to happen but they are not communicating well. But seriously, Y/N needs to speak up. It's hurting her so much and she needs to redeem herself. I hope she's find some time to go somewhere peaceful for a while and think of herself. 😭

@hordanhearsawhooo

i think they could both open up to each other more but yn really needs to. we saw what happened when she assumed tae was talking about jisoo on the phone. :(

@fentystalli

honestly i think yn not being able to communicate is the bigger problem, she can’t expect tae to just read her mind and know what she’s feeling

@raggedymanwithabox2

I would say they are both at fault but maybe Tae a bit more cuz even though oc haven't said anything, I think if he would just pay attention a bit more he would see that she's very negatively affected by all this. I should add that I'm the kind of person who can read peoples feelings well, my fiance who finds it hard to know what people are thinking or feeling if they don't tell him outright would maybe disagree. (Love the story by the way 💜💜💜)

[evil-writer]

lol guys it seems like the p*rk h*e ji* hell drama is back on the books, this time at SBS. 

i knew it was tgtbt.

[totalobsession]

TGTBT...

Don't get caught up with someone online you have never met. Don't let them tell you lies, and capture your heart. If it's TGTBT, it probably is. Don't get catfished...if it seems too good to be true...probably is.

[fragilespirits-blog]

Learning That I Need to Love Myself

To whoever ends up reading this, I hope that you either look at yourself everyday and tell yourself that you’re the best or that you are working on being able to do that sometime soon (like me!)

The first part of my post is going to be a letter to a certain person. And before you roll your eyes and groan how I needed some guy to change me, I don’t see it that way. I think after all I had been through, I was starting to open myself up to being in a relationship (god, the last time was before college) and being more positive with myself, so I will be eternally grateful for this last shove by this guy.

Dear The man that taught me something,

I’ve had a lot on my mind since you told me that we should stop seeing each other. Honestly, the two weeks and a half, I’ve known you felt like a roller coaster or a tornado. I remember meeting you and talking to you and went like “WOW, I have never met someone I clicked so well with.” The walls were up, I swear. My walls are like 10 foot high and at least 5 feet deep. I was hurt a lot. My first relationship hurt me. My health hurt me in a way where I just wanted to be alone and alone for a really long time. But with you, I suddenly gotten the urge to drop part of my barriers. I was comfortable with you so fast, I was terrified. So, so scared. The last time I allowed myself to like someone, I was seriously injured.

We saw each other five times over the course of two weeks and wow that is a lot of time spent together. Every time you came to pick me up, I got butterflies in my stomach. Every time you shot a flow blown smile at me or looked straight into my eyes, I felt my heart skip. I wanted to take this slow, I wanted this to develop into something we both could love. But always in the back of mind, I was worried about when this was going to hurt me. When would you call it off. When would you break my heart. It was just too good to be true and coming from someone who is seem some shit, this kind of TGTBT will never last. Especially since despite all your compliments and your actions, in the end you still walked away. To me it just proved my point, didn’t break my heart any less, didn’t make it hurt any less to know it was coming. 

You said we should stop seeing each other because you had a lot on your mind and that you didn’t feel it was fair that you couldn’t give me 100% of you. I don’t know if that was true. Or you just got bored. Or if you just wanted to let me down easy. I believe that you are a genuine and honest guy, so much so. And you wouldn’t have known what kind of effect your words would have on me, but for me, those words only made me blame myself. I wasn’t enough, good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. All my insecurities came out. And god, I have a lot of them. Every compliment you paid me became a lie. Everything you said became a lie. I know trusting you and thinking everything was a lie is a contradiction, but just bear with me here, that is what happened in my brain. 

I cried. Mostly just on that day. I cried because I felt a bit more heart break. I cried about what I thought could have been. I cried because I wasn’t good enough. I cried because my heart ached indescribably. I thought I would spend the whole weekend wallowing in self pity, because isn’t that always fun? I took the whole weekend to myself. Spent time with myself and I realized something. You said you couldn’t be 100% there, and I realized in the end, I wasn’t either and maybe if we continued, I would have been the one to put on the brakes.

Your words resonated with me so much. I spent the weekend giving myself some self love. I listened to the music that I loved, watched nonsense videos that made me laugh. And took a really nice long walk (you made me appreciate those a lot more now) to clear my head. 

I’m sad about what could have been. But in the end I need to thank you. To thank you for showing me respect and affection, whether it was faked or real. For showing me I needed to work on myself, to learn to LOVE myself more, before I could ever let anyone else do it.

Thank you so much. And I hope that you find yourself too. To work out everything that is bothering you and finding yourself someone who you can love with that new and improved 100% of you.

Love, The me who is working on the new and improved 100% of me

____________________________________________________

This isn’t to say that I haven’t heard advice and self love encouragement from people who care about me before. My friends constantly tell me how anyone would be lucky to have me, or how they know I have grown as a person. But let me just say, no matter how many people say these things to you, you have to decide the moment in which it clicks. 

It can be the 100th time they say it or it could be the 1000th time they said it. And I totally think it is both a subconscious and conscious effort. If someone told me they thought I was beautiful, I’d laugh awkwardly and be like “Stop joking.” (I can’t handle compliments)

For me, it was a moment of realization between the regret of ending whatever that brief interlude was and the tears of my insecurity. I have now truly begun to do something about what makes me unhappy, what stops me from being the best me. And you all might laugh that I’m making it physical, but I have always struggled with my weight and body image. Between society and my family, it was a lot of pressure. And I’m not saying big girls aren’t beautiful. I’m saying that I’m not happy with myself. I gained a lot of weight on my medication and it stayed on despite me stopping it. I went to the gym, I had a spout of months of healthy eating and the gym and I did feel better, looked better, but I have to say I got discouraged. I think part of it was my motivation waning and part of it was because I wasn’t ready to love myself more. 

I might feel like that this moment, that I need to reach my goal body and goal weight to make myself happy. I think that it is a personal preference. I might not be happy at the end of my journey. But I can sure as hell say I’m happy I started along this journey again with now a stronger mindset than ever. And the muscle I’m going to work the hardest on is confidence. Because we all know that like every other muscle, it becomes stronger the harder you work it.

So i’m going to start every day trying to love myself a little more. And I’m not saying to the degree of narcissistic-ness. I mean to the point where no one can bring you down, and you can still be humble about it. 

And I’m happy that I now have a place where I can share my mental, emotional and physical journey to being the best version of me. Because I believe it is inside of everyone. You don’t need to please someone else. You just need to choose to be happy and to love yourself.

Thanks for readinggggg - I will probably post whenever I feel like writing down my thoughts. Which has been a lot recently. My mind is a very cluttered place. I overthink, I over analyze and I think for good reason somethings, it isn’t always the healthiest, but it is part of me. And another part I will continue to work on.

[dumdumyumyum]

She's the ginger to my sam.

Brooke knows i am a total hopeless romantic and because of that i don't think she's ever gonna truly like me the way I would want her to. I think she's one of those girls who like a challenge I would have to present some kind of problem or issue which would be hard to do with her. I like her alot she's pretty much perfect besides the fact she's never gonna fall for me girls like her are tgtbt (to good 2 be true) With that being said I know she's dangerous and I have to make sure my heart is gaurded, I think Brooke over time will love the way I treat her and all the perks but won't ever truly like me and that's fine I get it I just always have to remember exactly what we are and no put all my eggs in one basket there's apart of me that wants to talk to another girl just so im not so distracted and I don't think of Brooke too much im always gonna make sure I don't rush anything I'm not sure when I'm going to get to hang out with her again because my 3rd job started so I work on weekends now but I think that's a good thing I think I need to back away a little because initially I think I was too open and honest and I was too comfortable with her and I reveal to her that I like her more than I should have so now I have to show her it's not as serious as she thought so maybe mean keeping my distance is a good thing or I could be a bad thing I would hate for her to think I didn't want anything to do with her and then she starts talking to someone new but overall I think she may not even care that I'm not talking to her as much I'm really curious to see what she really thinks about me and how much she really cares about me or if she even likes me at all I did tell her last weekend I wanted to see her Saturday and Sunday because I would be able to see her in the next few weeks she didn't seem to care that much so that made me think that I am clearly not priority so maybe I should back off and if she contacts me that means she thinks of me but at the same time I could be wrong she seems very prideful and wouldn't even want to give me the benefit of knowing she cared that much I'm really confused with her the only thing I know is she's dangerous I got to be careful she makes me feel like Sam the main character from Casino and she's Ginger and anyone who's seen that movie knows what changes did to sam him in the end for the next two months I'm going to keep my distance I will check in with her periodically but ultimately I just plan to blow her mind when June comes around I've been planning her birthday and I'm going to do something really really special for her but for right now in order for me to make her birthday happen the way I wanted to the next two months I have to work and stack my money and that means I have to work weekends this up and coming weekend I'm working both days but it's going to be worth it I can't wait to release we proffer feet spoil her and show her how much I care and I can't wait to bounce back with all my new clothes shoes and outfits I know she may be the ginger to my sam but f*** it -LCP 💚

[the-blind-assassin-12]

Logan and Benjamin. 🥰

Oh a daily double? Alright!! ( @fific7 you wanted Logan too, right?? Here you go!!)

Five from the Core Drive Universe:

She pulled at her skirt, adjusting it as she walked towards the entrance. Her heeled shoes clicked noisily against the paved path, her heart keeping rhythm as it thudded against her ribs with each step. Blowing out a breath, Juliet checked her appearance in the glass, tucking a stray curl behind her ear and straightening the pearl drop hanging from it. She imagined her brother standing next to her in the reflection; the same color eyes, raised a few inches because he was taller but the shape identical to her own, high cheekbones and a smirk that always seemed to be hiding a joke from the rest of the world. Fuck, Logan, I’ve missed you.

& Five from TGTBT:

A loud bang cut him short as Leo’s fist came down on the table, rattling the empty glassware. Benjamin picked his head up to see the younger man seething, his upper lip curled. “She does not get to do this. Not to you, and not to her.” He shook his head, eyes darkening.

[the-blind-assassin-12]

alright buckle up...

@something-tofightfor and @suchatinyinfinity shared their list of WIPs and in an attempt to keep myself motivated, I’m going to go ahead and post my embarrassingly long list of things that I am currently working on: 

Logan Core Drive: 1.05 and Clean- Complete (these two will wrap up the first section of that story. 1.05 is about half-way done, and Complete is about a third of the way done. Looking forward to closing this difficult chapter in that story.)  SYiNY: Part Four, which I need to finish and post AT LEAST this part before Thanksgiving... because I’m also working on a Thanksgiving piece for this pair.  Nice and Spice(d): One of the Title Game results, this one is also tied to the SYiNY story line and I am planning to have it ready to post in mid- December. 

Billy I See You: From Here-2 and ISY 11. I get weird about this story after I post each new chapter of this story and I need to get over it and just write it already. Billy and Ike deserve it.  **A NEW THING** that I shouldn’t be writing at all just yet but am about 5k words in and can’t seem to steer myself away from... (would anyone care if I started posting a new Billy thing before I finished ISY? because...) I’m not going to post this until it’s done, so it might be a while but then again if I keep up this pace of ignoring my responsibilities to my other projects, it might not. 

Ryan Passing Through: Part 6 - Ryan gets a little peppery in this one and no it’s still not a smut.  **A NEW THING** that isn’t technically a new thing it’s still the same Ryan from PT but it’s not technically necessary but it’s likely happening anyway. Purely self-indulgent.   

Benjamin TGTBT: Part 5. I think this one is probably only about 3 or 4 more parts but don’t worry because there’s... Not If It’s You: A Follow Up to TGTBT and that’s all I can say about that.  The Jilted Tourist: One of the Title Game results, it’s a three part mini-series that takes place almost two years before TGTBT Benj meets reader. So yeah, he’s still married to Julia. ugh. 

Caspian ItAotO: part 5. I am not looking forward to this one. Not even a little bit.  The Last Dream: One of the Title Game results. Stand alone (i think?). Looking like its going to be a three part mini series for this one, too. 

John LFtM&D: Part 2 & 3 - these need to be written simultaneously. you’ll see. if i ever post them. I lost John’s voice you guys, I need to rewatch Easy Virtue. 

I think that’s everything that I am actively working on at the moment. that’s more than enough, right? (don’t answer that) anywho- despite this incredibly long list of half finished over-ambitious WIPs, if you have any questions or requests or things you’d like me to write about, you can always send them my way! it might take me a year and a day to write them, but then again... it might not. 

SO! if anyone else wants to share their wip files, go on ahead and tag me so we can commiserate!  

[the-blind-assassin-12]

The titles are in, and it’s time to vote!

First of all, thank you to everyone who sent in questions- those were a lot of fun to ask. I love when you guys ask hard ones and these were not easy! I quite enjoyed them! 

And to everyone that sent in a title (or several) for this little game, thank you guys too! This was a lot of fun and some of these submissions sparked some very interesting thoughts... while there are others that I am crossing my fingers do not get chosen. Yikes. 

I ended up with 16 potential ideas from the titles that you gave me, and I’ve decided to write a three-part miniseries for each of the the top three. But I don’t want to write three stories about the same character, so to narrow things down, there will be two rounds of voting. 

The first round starts NOW and ends on WEDNESDAY (10/21). Choose your favorite title in each character category. The title with the most votes for each character will move on to the second round. You can vote by commenting on this post, or sending an ask (just not on anon for this please!) Please vote using the numbers assigned to each title per character. I’ll tally up all the votes on Wednesday, and we’ll buckle up for round two.  

So here they are folks, pick your poison for each character please. choose carefully there are landmines :

Billy 

1- Whispers in the Dark 

Quick Summary: Billy counts on an old friend when he’s got nowhere else to go; someone he helped a long time ago and the only person he thinks might actually help him now. 

My thoughts: This has been hiding on my masterlist for far too long. If i’m being honest, the idea scares me a little. It’s not my top choice to write right now for this event, because the way that I want to write it will make it far longer than three parts and I do not want to short change it. 

Fun fact: this one will not be reader insert.

2- Damned if I Do

Quick Summary: How do you make a choice when you know that no matter what you choose there is no way for you to win? You try like hell to find a third option, and you hope beyond reason that it won’t be even worse. 

My thoughts: I really like this one. Like, a lot. My first instinct was to shy away from Billy for this. I actually first saw it being used with a Benjamin or Logan story. But then I was like bitch don’t do that to Billy. So here we are. 

Fun fact: If you like stealth suit Billy this is the one for you. 

3- Ace of Spades

Quick Summary: Billy doesn’t take threats lightly- especially when they’re about the thing he cares about most- Anvil. 

My thoughts: Writing cut-throat, ruthless Anvil CEO Billy is always fun. Especially when he gets to get his hands dirty, too. I’d rank this one as my second favorite out of the three. 

Fun fact: This would be all Billy. Sorry, reader, you’re not in it, nor are any OC love interests. 

Logan

1-Dressed for Revenge

Quick Summary: In this one, Juliet listens to Logan and doesn’t marry William. His true colors come to light and he’s kicked to the curb real quick. Logan heals up and takes a special trip back to the park. 

My thoughts: I think this has the potential to be quite fun… or at least it could start that way. It also has the potential to be serious. 

Fun fact: While I need a new Logan like I need a hole in the head, this would not be connected to any current stories.

2- Nice and Spice(d) 

Quick Summary: Logan Delos in a fancy suit. Spiced Holiday beverages. Mayhem. Definitely not the recipe for how to make the nice list… but who really cares amiright? 

My thoughts: Cocky, happy, healthy Logan at the Delos Holiday party. Yes please. This one is tied to SYiNY but a few years in the future. 

Fun Fact: There’s another midnight kiss and this one won’t leave anyone wanting. Also I really like writing winter in the desert.    

3- Sleep in the Fire

Quick Summary: Logan examines his relationship with his father and decides to give him one last chance to make amends for nearly 35 years of being cold, uncaring and absent. But does he really think Jim will show change? Does he even want him to? 

My thoughts: This one will hurt but probably not as bad as it could if that makes you feel any better. This one is a tie-in to Core Drive. 

Fun Fact: There isn’t one. 

Ryan

1-Arms of a Stranger 

Quick Summary: Hindsight always reveals things that we let hide just under the surface, doesn’t it? A closer look back at the biggest heartbreak of Ryan Brenner’s life...and how he gets through it. 

My thoughts: This makes my stomach squirm a little but I also really like the idea. I like writing about Ryan at different points of his life and thinking about how his experiences may have shaped him into who we know him to be. But I don’t like putting him through pain so there’s also that… But I do really want to write about Chloe again...but… 

Fun Fact: There’s at least one instance of a shirtless Ryan Brenner laying in the light of a stained glass sun catcher. 

2- What’s New Pussycat? 

Quick Summary: Ryan gets a job as a dishwasher for a few weeks at a retro diner where they play A LOT of the same songs and the french fries are somehow both oily and burnt… the upside? The friendly waitress who seems to know quite a lot about good music. 

My thoughts: At first I had no idea what to do with this title and it cycled through almost every character here. But I like where I landed with it. 

Fun fact: Still undecided if this will be connected to Passing Through Ryan. 

3- The Pierogi Incident 

Quick Summary: Cousin chaos. And Polish dumplings. And first impressions. Oh my. Remember that trip to Georgia, when Ryan kissed you in the ocean while his cousins teased him? More of that. But with food. 

My thoughts: It’s no surprise that I love writing about the cousins. This one is tied for the number 1 Ryan spot. 

Fun Fact: Aunt Holly isn’t the only one in Ryan’s family who can cook… and there are certainly some who shouldn’t. 

4- Swipe for Love

Quick Summary: After Ryan breaks things off with Jackie and leaves Utah, he starts getting strange texts only to find out that Lia has set him up with an online dating profile. (Look, even she can see that her mom doesn’t deserve Ryan) Ryan is just about to take it down, when something sparks his interest. 

My thoughts: you guys please don’t make me write awkward dating app interactions…

Fun fact: I honestly do not know how I would write this with any semblance of a straight face. 

Benjamin

1- The Blighted Violin 

Quick Summary: Remember that time Keiran just came for breakfast and to talk about young Seanjamin? And he mentioned that Benj was always writing stories? This is a look at one of B’s masterworks. 

My thoughts: Gonna be straight with you guys- even if this doesn’t get picked it's getting written eventually.  

Fun fact: Young Seanjamin was super dramatic. 

2- The Jilted Tourist

Quick Summary: Benjamin meets a young woman at a train station who has just had a fight with her boyfriend, whom she came to England to visit only to find him...visiting someone else. Benjamin, of course, is friendly and lends an ear while he waits for his train… and then the two go their separate ways. Simple...right?

My thoughts: Julia is a jealous fuckface. 

Fun Fact: Julia is also a big old meanie. 

3- Monsters

Quick Summary: Allie. Julia. Back to back blowups, and Benjamin is absolutely hell bent on not making it three in a row. He either needs to figure out what he needs to change, or get used to being alone again. 

My thoughts: I see this as sort of a precursor to TGTBT Benjamin and while it definitely wouldn’t be fun, it would explain why he’s more ready to be in a relationship with reader than he’s ever been before. 

Fun Fact: This involves a lot of yelling. And crying. And cursing. And throwing things. 

4- Let you Know

Quick Summary: A series of phone calls from different points of Benjamin’s life replay in his head, none of them pleasant. Until one day they don’t. 

My thoughts: Oh, Benj… if this one wins I’m sorry… but I’m also not. 

Fun Fact: Panicked Benjamin is not at all my favorite thing to write. 

Caspian

1- In A Grain of Sand

Quick Summary: Just a grain of sand is all it takes to tip a scale. A single grain slipping through an hourglass starts a countdown, or ends one. One grain at a time, the winds shift the desert landscape into something unrecognizable. 

My thoughts: Not my most fully fleshed out idea up here. Still a lot of plot to figure out for this one to be possible 

Fun fact: this one would feature a suntanned and sweaty king. 

2- The Last Dream

Quick Summary: How much of your last dream do you remember? And what would happen if it were to come true? 

My thoughts: My most far fetched idea yet? Maybe. 

Fun fact: Caspian has very vivid dreams. 

..  ..  ..  ..  ..  ..  

So there they are in all their unwritten glory. I can’t wait to see which three I’ll be writing! 

[the-blind-assassin-12]

Not Yet

A/N: Up next in the “Play the Hand You’re Dealt” request lineup is this nerd. This takes place in the not so distant future for Benjamin and Reader in the TGTBT Timeline and features Benjamin thinking about something that hadn’t really crossed his mind until just now... 

Word Count: 1,807 

Requested by:  @malionnes​​ - Benjamin, General, That’s a first! & Memories or Photos

 “Is this your wife, Professor?” 

What? Benjamin’s head snapped up from the add/drop form the young woman had just handed him, unsure which part of her question was more jarring, which word was more responsible for the way that his pulse picked up. He’d only officially worn the mantle of Professor for- he glanced at the clock- forty five minutes, and Lee, Rebecca, a second year student whose name he recognized from one of Dr. Kesting’s previous classes, had just been the first one to address him by it. Guess I should get used to that before today’s lecture. 

It was still slightly surreal to him, the whirlwind of success and recognition he’d gained in the last few months. He’d become a shoe in for any consortium or conferences that the UCL History department was invited to, attending one in Edinburgh over the summer with another scheduled for Washington, D.C. in November. His previous role as Kesting’s research assistant had translated into a Reader position within the department, filling in to teach classes when needed, grading papers and proctoring exams. The completion of his Master’s level degree, a feat in itself that at times seemed impossible, had coincided with Professor Oberman’s  retirement, leaving an opening in the department. Kesting had offered it to Benjamin and Benjamin alone, and despite the fact that professorship had become a career goal, he was stunned that the opportunity had presented itself so quickly. 

“Will you do me a favor and pinch me?” He turned to you after getting off the line with Dr. Kesting, eyes the size of gold doubloons and a smile just as bright. He let out a laugh that was just an excited burst of air as he dropped his phone to the striped cushion of the corner patio seat, palms falling to your thighs. “This has to be a dream.” 

You bit your bottom lip as it curled upwards in a grin and shook your head before leaning in to kiss him. Throwing your arms around his neck, you gave a tug to pull him closer as you lay back against the pillows. Bracing himself with one hand on either side of your rib cage, he followed you down eagerly until his chest was pressed to yours, his arms slipping behind and underneath your body. You sighed and he deepened the kiss, wondering how life could possibly get better than this moment, when he felt a sudden sharp sting on his tricep. 

“Ow-” he pulled back to look at you, eyebrows drawn together and an amused smirk quirking one cheek to the side. “I didn’t mean literally, you know, I-” 

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t keep the sunshine from them. “I know,” you rubbed your thumb over the skin you’d just squeezed and scooted back into a seated position. “But it’s not a dream.” Your hand slid down his arm until it found his, and he pushed his fingers between yours. “You worked so hard for everything you’ve earned, and you deserve every bit of it.” You licked your lips and narrowed your eyes, shifting closer to him. He raised your linked hands as you ducked under his arm to rest your head back on his shoulder, where it was before his phone had rung. “You need to realize that, Benjamin.” A warm rush washed through him as a breeze blew through the yard, ruffling the hydrangeas and lifting your hair to tickle his neck. “And I’ll pinch you a thousand times if that’s what it takes.” 

He shook his head, smiling to himself. She would. He blinked twice at Rebecca, the freckle faced girl adjusting her round lenses and leaning forward on the balls of her feet to inspect the framed photo on his desk. 

“She’s quite pretty.” Rebecca smiled. She is. Heart- stopping. Breathtaking. Captivating. All things that he knew for certain he hadn’t yet felt about another person at Rebecca’s age, that he hadn’t truly experienced until he’d felt them for you. 

But you weren’t his wife. “Uh,” he cleared his throat, already hating the way the next word would sound before he said it. “Girlfriend, actually.” He tapped his thumb against the stack of papers, the muffled crinkling sound joining the tick of the mechanical clock on top of the bookshelf that took up one wall of his small office. The face was a painted enamel with striking blue delft- style embellishments, a pair of carved wooden hands poking out of the middle to point at hand painted numerals. The entire gear box was open, full of ticking, whirring cogs and coiled springs working in a continuous loop. Each and every piece from the smallest screw to the commanding 12 and every tooth and groove of the innards had been painstakingly refurbished and cobbled together by your hands, the parts scavenged from here and there, from different time periods and of different materials. On the back you’d used a fine tip on your wood burning tool to carve the word Timeless. It was a secret, hidden message that only he knew was there. The clock had been your gift to him for completing his Master’s, and it had been the first thing that he’d hung in the small room. 

“Well, you look really happy together.” The young student gestured to the framed photo, your eyes bright over your wrinkled nose, mouth open in a laughing grin. He had one arm around you, holding you close to him as the other held the camera out in front to take the picture, but where you were looking directly at the camera, Benjamin had his forehead and nose pressed to your cheek. Even though his eyes were closed and only half of his face was visible it was clear that he was beaming. 

Benjamin nodded, clearing his throat. “Yeah, thanks,” he gave her a kind smile that she returned. “We are.” Really happy. “So, Rebecca,” he brought the focus back to the reason that she was standing in front of him in the first place. “You want to transfer into my Untold Stories of the First World War class?” 

The girl’s eyes lit up with interest and she bobbed her head enthusiastically, stepping closer to Benjamin's desk. “As soon as I saw you’d been assigned to it I knew I wanted to take it. I mean,” her hazel eyes darted to the open office door, beyond which the rest of the history department faculty member’s offices lined the square-shaped hallway. Coast clear, she turned back to Benjamin and continued, a conspiratorial tone to her squeaky voice. “I learned way more from you than I did from Dr. Kesting last semester,” Oh! He felt his eyebrows jump in surprise. “And when you gave that lecture in Scotland?” He tilted his head. “I watched the livestream online.” She bit the inside of her cheek and chuckled, pointer finger coming up to scratch her forehead nervously. “I want to focus my thesis on the type of things that you study, Professor Greene,” Thesis? She’s thinking about that already? Her dedication and drive impressed him. Not a lot of people get this excited about dead guys and global catastrophes. “So when I heard that you were teaching this class I knew I wanted to transfer into it. I mean, if there’s still room obviously, I know it’s sort of last minute.” 

Last minute? It starts in two hours. He laughed and reached for a pen from the clay cup that sat next to the framed photo. “I think I can fit one more in.” He signed off on the form, giving his permission for the Registrar to add Lee, Rebecca, 2nd year over achiever and major History junkie to his class roster. “See you in class, then.” 

She thanked him and hurried off to get her class switch sorted and acquire the necessary materials from the bookstore, but the interaction stayed with him through the rest of the morning, even after Kesting and  another professor, Alba Hayes- Ancient Civilizations- poked their heads in to say good morning. 

“Is this your wife, professor?”   

The question had made his heart race and his adrenaline spike, at once catching him off guard and making complete sense. He had known that he’d wanted to become a professor of History after meeting Dr. Kesting, knew that he wanted to extend his time in Academia until he was old and gray and people took the wrinkles in his face as grumpiness before they got him talking about The Bolshevik Revolution, or what London looked like before WWII. His Master’s degree, the conferences, research papers- all of it kept fueling an ever building desire to consume knowledge and ignite it in others. 

But wife? It was a word that had been assigned to another woman, briefly. But Julia hadn’t filled out it’s meaning, not even after the papers were signed and the rings and vows exchanged. He thought about the life that the two of you were building together- the collection of coffee and tea pots that lined the shelf in the kitchen, glass and copper and clay and steel- the wall of books and records and knick knacks and clutter in the living room- the garden that you’d planted together, the jar of coins and buttons and scraps that rusted and oxidized and marked time in ways that clocks couldn’t on your dresser in the bedroom. He thought about the ups and downs and all the firsts that you’d encountered and gotten through together, another first brewing in his mind as he contemplated what making you his wife might mean for the first time.   

His chest swelled as he took a breath in through his nose, eyes flicking from your frozen laugh in the silver frame, to the clock that rhythmically ticked along with his thoughts.Timeless. That’s what he had with you. No deadlines, no expiration dates, no pressing matters or weighty decisions perched on razor sharp edges, just unassuming, accepting, supportive love. Just things he’d never known he could have. Just things you’d given him as freely as he’d given you. 

He looked down at the planner on his desk blotter, the whole calendar year displayed in the top corner with a circle around the week of Spring break, the word Istanbul?? Scrawled in blue ink. Professor Oberman had decided to retire in Turkey after his spur of the moment trip there last year proved to be something of a personal journey, and he’d invited Benjamin, and in turn, you, to come visit him for a few days. Just like masterfully crafted and lovingly restored gears in the clock, something started turning in his mind and he smiled. 

 “Is this your wife, professor?”

She isn’t. He took the pen he’d signed Rebecca’s form with and underscored the city’s name. Not yet. 

.

.

.

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[the-blind-assassin-12]

Can we have one song from each of yo it characters’ playlists?

Yes OF COURSE!! 🎶 In fact, have one for each series. 

Benjamin/TGTBT- Haven’t Missed You All My Life by John Ralston. I chose this song for Benj as inspiration for a piece on his family that I plan on writing, specifically his mom. Standout lyrics: “we might find the perfect lines to hide our little white lies dear, and put you in where you should have been all my life”

Billy Russo/ISY- Persona Non Grata by Bright Eyes. Not every lyric fits perfectly for Billy but it’s a very melancholy/ eerie song and oh idk it just makes me think of him. Standout lyrics: “unwelcome in autumn, persona non grata. I’m the last of the best, I’m your thoughts in the swamp.”

Billy Russo/ Jigsaw- Down on Your Knees by Flora Cash. This whole album (can summer love last forever) was very influential when I was writing Jigsaw, specifically Blue. It’s about being so close to having it all and then having it all taken away. Standout lyrics: “almost winning and now I don’t know but it seems like it’s almost away from me. Maybe one day I’ll be strong enough to find it out and I’ll know it all.”

Ryan Brenner/Passing Through- Devil Put The Coal in The Ground by Steve Earle & the Dukes. This one makes the list because it’s fun and I feel like it’s something Ryan might play with Georgie and Louie. (Which happens soon in PT!!) Standout lyrics: “He buried it deep, it’ll never be found, devil put the coal in the ground. Said that’ll be a diamond some day” 

Logan Delos/ SYiNY- Sleepwalkin by LUTHI. This song. No. This album. NO! This band is such a vibe for this story. But this song in particular is fun and funky and surprising and it highlights how much Logan’s life has changed since meeting/ working with/ falling for Reader. Standout lyrics: “She keeps me company most every night, sliding from dream to dream. Sleeping’s never felt so right. I’ve been waking up all hungry-like.” 

Logan Delos/ The Bottom- All These Little Cowboys by Cory Branan. This is easily one of the most heartbreaking songs I have ever heard, and therefore one of the most Logan Delos #BlackHatForever song I’ve ever heard. Standout lyrics: “So they settle for the bottom and they make for the door and all these little cowboys break like someone’s keepin’ score.” 

Logan Delos/ Core Drive- Light of Love by Florence + the Machine. This song (like so many from this goddess) gave me violent chills the first time I heard it. There is such threadbare desperation and yet really buoyant hopefulness in that song, and it echos the story I’m trying to tell with CD. Standout Lyrics: “ In some ways that was simpler, being too fucked up to see. I didn’t have to wake up to the world that was around me.” 

Logan Delos/ Oblivion & Simplify- Darkest Shade of Blue by Young the Giant. This song is incredibly intimate. It’s very short, just a quick little moment in time, but it has this really slow, almost time-stopping effect that reminds me of their first real night together, when Reader is honest with Logan about her situation and both of them let their guards completely down. The song is so short I’m going to share all of the lyrics: “Lights are out the world begins to fade and I want you to know you’re not alone. I want you to know you’re not alone anymore. I’m here with you when your hands are shaking. I’m here with you when your heart is racing. I’m here with you in the darkest shade of blue. You’re not alone anymore.”  

Nick Tortano/ Made Man- Slow Tune by Ashok. This is super jazzy and maybe doesn’t really fit Nick’s vibe, but it feels like a song the Reader character in that story might listen to, and sort of describes what it’s like to fall for a guy like Nick. Standout Lyrics: “Something started on that day, something happened to my heart, something strange. It was a quiet rain that fell upon your face and I knew then that I had won the losing race.”

Nick Tortano / Our Time- Tick of the Clock by Chromatics. The song that started this series. It has no lyrics. If you need to add tension to a situation, especially a time-influenced situation, THIS is the song to listen to. Guaranteed to stress you out (or pump you up depending on how adrenaline treats you), I listened to it on loop while I wrote 10,800.

HERE’S THE PART WHERE I GET TO DROP HINTS AT WHAT’S TO COME!!!   

John Whittaker/ Let’s Face the Music & Dance (LFtM&D) Make Someone Happy performed by Jeff Goldblum & the Mildred Snitzer Orchestra. Sigh and swoon. This is the most fun of all my playlists because John at his very core is the most fun of all, period the end. I don’t want to give too much away because this is still in the very early developmental stages, but think big bands and happiness and GASP! laughs instead of tears. Standout lyrics: “make just one heart the heart you sing to. One smile that cheers you, one face that lights when it’s near you, one girl you’re everything to.” 

King Caspian/ STILL FUCKING UNTITLED Trouble by The Franklin Electric. Might seem like a weird choice but it was the song that I was listening to when I was cleaning out a closet and was struck with the dumb idea to write this story. I really need to stop floundering on a title and pick one because this is nearly ready to start posting. Anywho. Standout lyrics: “Two found lovers in a place so far from home. Be the last of the believers and you laugh in the face of old. If everything is buried and you still can’t find your home, and I know believers I know. I know trouble like it’s all I’ve got.”