#seems like some people can't handle certain topics being discussed

[alarrytale]

“But his whole 'never had a gf in public' was foiled when he called c*mille his gf. O was also one, and emrata wasn't exactly neither subtle nor private. I think the privacy strategy is no more.”

What I have learned so far is that everything what is happening with Harry’s so-called private life in public is taken as an immediate syndicator that it’s fake and it’s only work because Harry has a private life and he would never do this to his real relationship. And what was the most memorable for me was his quote from interview from Dec 2019 where they asked him about dating only famous people and he literally said “I have a private life. You just don’t know about it.” So now I’m bit confused by what you wrote above that Harry doesn’t value his private life anymore? Okay, he called C*mille his ex but wasn’t that to push the narrative for songs on Fine Line (which they, at least for larries and their decoding talent, turned out to be mostly about Louis and Harry himself exploring his inner self)? O talked about him in every opportunity she had like he’s the only reason to live for her because she was relevant just because of him - but he’d never aknowledged her as his gf and made sure to let everyone know that any song on H’sH is about her. I don’t know what Emrata said exactly because I just saw his bodylanguage and that told me everything I needed to know how comfortable (irony) he felt to makeout with her in public. So I would love to think that his personal and private life priorities has never changed and actually became more important to secure it and hide from public eyes but I’m also afraid that he’ll decide to make a 180 degree turn and do absolute opposite to what was always important for him. I want to stay hopeful and optimistic but it’s damn hard when I have no idea what is happening with him right now and people are panicking while preparing for the worst scenario.

The only thing that makes me a bit calmer is that Louis called Eleanor his gf multiple times but still noone believed him and he literally tweeted that he’s straight and yet, still fans don’t even question his sexuality. Plus he had this kid as still going stunt which is much worse than some O tattoo or 2 years of stunting while looking miserable.

Hi, anon!

You misunderstand me, i don't think Harry doesn’t value his private life anymore. When i said 'privacy strategy' i was talking about the practice they've applied to every stunt that they get papped in 'private places' and blame it on a pesky pap for invading their privacy. Like being papped on a yacht or poolside at an hotel. That gives an illusion that they are trying to be private about their relationship and not flaunting it. It helps sell it as real. Harry never confirming anything was a part of that strategy. We've had a turn from that strategy now. Harry confirming c*mille as a gf (after the fact), pda for the paps during holivia, emrata and now hussell. They are stunting right in front of our salads now, no illusion of privacy left.

Also, i have a very different view on harry's need for privacy than a lot of other people. I don't think he'd be more private about it if it were real. If it were real it would be with a man, and harry is closeted so he'd have to be private about it or else he'd have to come out. Him being a 'private' person is also a part of his image to make him look mysterious, interesting and dignified.

When Harry says 'i have a private life. You just don't know about it' i want to add 'not because i am a private person in particular, but because i'm closeted'. If harry were able to snog louis in the middle of oxford street, he'd not hesitate for a second.

I don't think people should panic over yet another stunt, but i can't control them or their feelings. I can only try helping people cope a bit. I think being hopeful, but realistic is a good approach. It will end at a point, but we will also most likely get another stunt in the future. It's been like this for years so we all got to learn to cope if we want to stay in this fandom. If it gets too much, take a break. You come first!

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello. 21 y/o infj here. I have a problem with a very mentally unwell intp. He comes to me to seek comfort and advice and i do my best to help him, but it seems that he now has feelings for me and this complicates things. I do not reciprocate these feelings and Im now worried that i may have unintentionally lead him on by trying to help. He doesn’t trust many people to be emotionally vulnerable around them and he relies on me a great deal for emotional support.

He has not outright confessed to me in a way that would give me the opportunity to clearly express my feelings and reject him, but he does often make comments that make it clear he sees me as more than a friend. He is very fragile and has a lot of self loathing, im afraid to say anything that will reinforce any negative ideas he has about himself being unworthy of love. How do i go about setting clear boundaries without hurting him more?

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For INFJ, the topic of boundaries often involves a reminder that you also matter. If someone truly cares about you, they wouldn't want you to feel uncomfortable in the relationship, and they should be open to hearing about your needs. Generally speaking, you're only responsible for someone else's well-being up to a certain point, in terms of you being an ethical person and not intentionally doing harm. After that point, the other person is responsible for taking care of their own feelings. However, the line is not always as clear cut when there is a mental health problem in the mix.

The question is: Is it unethical to discuss a topic that will undoubtedly be upsetting to the other person? I would argue that if the discussion is necessary for the health or development of the relationship, then it isn't unethical. Also, if a topic is upsetting but necessary to discuss for the sake of someone's future well-being, it would be unethical to remain silent. For example, leading someone on, even if unwittingly, has the potential to be harmful to them the longer it goes on, so it is a situation that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.

The reality of life is that it's sometimes necessary to endure pain and discomfort in order to make progress or achieve a goal. This is why some people in close relationships fight like cats and dogs and still manage to come out stronger on the other side. Also, keep in mind that shielding someone from pain might actually be robbing them of an opportunity to learn how to handle it better. People generally react worse the longer you keep them in the dark.

Many people fear conflict because they fear negative feelings and emotions getting out of control, a situation which increases the potential for harm. For example, an argument can quickly escalate into a shouting match and hurtful attacks. However, it's important to remember that negative feelings and emotions are not bad in themselves - one should not fear their mere existence. It is people's inability to handle them that is the real issue at hand (i.e. emotional intelligence).

You're questioning the degree to which he is able to handle negative feelings and emotions. When you have good reason to believe that someone's psychology is very fragile, meaning they can't handle a lot of stress or negativity, then it's best to proceed as sensitively and tactfully as you can. However, this shouldn't stop you from being truthful. Being a good communicator involves being able to brainstorm many ways of saying something without being too blunt or insensitive.

Different people have different communication preferences. For example, I prefer direct communication, which is not everyone's cup of tea. I dislike drawn out conflicts, so I would kindly ask someone if they had feelings for me when I picked up on hints. If they denied it, that would be the end of it, because I have to trust the word of a friend. If they admitted their feelings:

I would apologize if I had unwittingly sent the wrong signals.

I would try to let them down as gently as possible by providing plenty of reassurances and guarantees that their feelings haven't changed my desire to be friends with them.

I would make it clear that my only motive for bringing it up is that I'm a person who always wants to know the truth.

I would continue the discussion until we both felt closure.

I would try my best to keep the situation as easy and light as possible so that no one walks away feeling insecure or anxious.

Things might still be a bit awkward for awhile but I'd sit with it and provide reassurances as needed until things returned to normal. I'm able to use this approach because I don't fear negative feelings and I'm confident of being able to work through them and help others do so as well.

Generally speaking, Ts prefer to communicate straightforwardly, in a matter-of-fact way, because they're not always great at reading between the lines. In his case, there is a complicating factor of low self-esteem. You can't control his self-esteem; it's something he needs to heal on his own. The best you can do is try to reassure him that he is very worthy of love; it's just that you aren't the right person. It's nobody's fault and it isn't a statement on anyone's worth. Also, reassure him that you're more than willing to continue being his friend and confidant as needed. Nothing has to change.

If you believe that discussing it openly isn't feasible for whatever reason, you can take a more subtle approach of dropping hints that indicate your lack of interest. You could talk about not being interested in dating, being interested in someone else, etc. Or you can communicate abstractly about how you are generally helpful to many people and that it doesn't mean you have romantic feelings.

Some situations indeed call for subtlety, however, don't forget that every communication style has its pros and cons. The pros of a direct approach include being able to resolve the situation quickly for everyone's sake, but you run the risk of provoking strong negative reactions in the process. The pros of a subtle approach include being able to avoid intense confrontation, but it comes at a cost of effectiveness, as it's more difficult to get the message across and there is more potential for misunderstanding.

Remember that there's no way to communicate "perfectly". Whatever style of communication you prefer, you always have to be flexible and adaptable to what's happening in the moment. No matter how great a communicator you are, things can always go awry. But mistakes don't matter as long as you can recover from them. And the best way to recover is to always strive to communicate from a place of kindness, care, and compassion that keeps everyone feeling at ease.

[pulchrasilva]

What's an anti-anti? Or an anti for that matter

Oh my friend I am so sorry to introduce you to the shitpile that is antishipping discourse

Anti is short for "antishipper", which is someone who believes certain types of ships are immoral and nobody should ship them or engage with media about them. Exactly what types of ships that includes varies (because morality will always be vague at best and you can't meaningfully categorise anything into "always good" and "always bad"), but people usually take issue with incest, ships involving one or more minors, age gaps, etc.

I consider myself a proshipper/"anti-anti" purely because I think this kind of discourse is extremely inane and potentially harmful.

Antis tend to say "problematic" ships "normalise" harmful dynamics in real life, ignoring that exploring these ideas in fiction is a safe way of engaging with darker topics and sometimes people do so to process personal trauma. Personally I've found that reading fanfiction about dark topics made me wayy more emotionally prepared to handle discussion of them in real life.

And, as I said, it's nearly impossible to draw a solid line between what should be allowed and what shouldn't be allowed. Age of consent is an arbitrary number that's chosen because legally you need a strict number if you're going to enforce the law, but a person 1 year older and 1 year younger than the age of consent aren't actually that much different. Plus the law varies from country to country, but antis tend to choose the US age of 18 because the US dominates the internet. Age-gaps between two non-minor characters get even more blurry!! And let's not forget that a ship between two men is way more likely to be flagged as pedophilia than a ship between a man and a woman. Imo if you can't make a concrete rule about it there's no point in making a rule at all.

Plus it's fiction, and not even mainstream fiction, so it's hardly gonna cause any significant shift in real life culture. These ships get criticised to hell and back in fan spaces and people get properly harassed over it, but there are plenty of professional writers portraying these things in well known media and don't get much flack for it at all - because it's way easier to tear down a fan, your equal, than a creator. It seems to me that the problem isn't really "normalising" these behaviours, because if that was the case mainstream media would be a much bigger contributor than fandom

For some reason, toxic/abusive ships are less commonly criticised despite being objectively harmful to the characters involved, and incest is the one people hate the most despite it being (imo) the one least likely to cause actual harm to the characters. Also depictions of rape and sexual abuse are usually considered off limits but you rarely get the same criticism of, say, depictions of murder. The sexual aspect of the topic seems more important than the actual harm.

AND THEN there's the fact that antis generally only argue against the ships that make them personally feel uncomfortable. Different people have different boundaries for what they consider too far, and I lose my shit every time I see antis shipping something I know other antis claim is the devil. And often the whole thing gets coopted by someone who doesn't like people shipping characters A and B because they ship B and C. ("You can't ship these unrelated characters because they're sibling-coded which makes the ship basically incest" is something I've seen a truly bonkers amount of times)

So yeah. That's the whole mess. Like I said I dont really care about whether or not antis follow me? I'm proship purely because I don't think this is a conversation that needs to be had at all. Like who cares But, go wild, romanticise the hell out of the most repulsive things!! It's nobody else's business but yours. But if I see a mutual who followed me first reblogging "any proshippers who follow me should explode and die teehee ^-^" ONE MORE TIME I might actually explode

[a-tale-never-told]

//Hey everyone, Mod Sam here.

//I come to you with something pretty uncommon for this blog, and it's a discussion about mental health, toxicity, and especially mental disorders, the products of which are kinda heavy, so if you'd rather skip it, I understand.

//But I wanna talk about this because it concerns a growing misconception and trend I've been seeing about a type of mental Disorder that I'm sure we're all familiar with, and that's Social Anxiety disorder, as well as highlighting a life lesson video that I watched about that, which handles the topic poorly and why you shouldn't pay it any heed.

//This one goes out to everyone who suffers from that type of mental disorder and fears how others perceive them. You guys are actually amazing.

//Before we discuss the numerous myths that people seem to label when it comes to the topic of mentally disabled people and the damaging lies and misunderstandings that are really common when it comes to talking about disorders and anxiety issues, what is Social Anxiety Disorder?

//Social Anxiety Disorder, or social phobia, is an anxiety that's characterized by feelings of fear and anxiety in types of social situations causing considerable distress for the person, and damaging or limiting their ability to function in at least some aspects of everyday life. Symptoms of this disorder usually range from expressing concern about how presentable they are towards other people, to fearing being judged by others for their lack of social skills, and oftentimes, it leads to them behaving a certain way or saying something in a normal conversation and then feeling embarrassed afterward.

//Generally, they often tend to isolate themselves from society to avoid being in that situation again, acting distant when they're with large groups of people. In some extremely common cases, they might resort to avoiding eye contact, or blushing when someone's talking to them, which is a key part of social anxiety disorder and the lack of communication it often produces.

//According to psychologist B.F. Skinner, phobias are controlled by avoidance behaviors, which can be put into two categories of how these types of behavioral aspects play out whenever a situation like this happens.

Major avoidance behaviors. These typically include an almost compulsive or pathological lying behavior to preserve self-image and avoid being judged in front of others This is mostly attributed to those who are compulsive liars, or people who have a tendency to lie about everything 24/7, even if they can't control it. One of my personal headcanons is that Kokichi was diagnosed with a social anxiety disorder since it's repeatedly stated that he considers lying a big part of his personality since he'll often claim something only to reveal that he's lying about the whole thing. But that's a topic for another time.

Minor avoidance behaviors. This is the type of behavioral aspect that's often presented in media and the public eye, almost to the point of being somewhat regarded as a stereotype, though they're both similarly used. It's often portrayed as people avoiding eye contact, crossing their arms to hide shaking, or lack of speaking in a conversation. This has been used so much that it's become the de facto behavior when somebody thinks of "Social Anxiety Disorder" and that's kinda accurate for how people with this type of illness act.

//Still, I'm tired of the common thought people have when it comes to portraying people with social issues as being too afraid to speak up, and referring to it as "shyiness" which isn't even true at all, because it exceeds normal shynesss, leading to social avoidance, and missing out on interacting with other people that might've been sincere with us.

//But now we're going to talk about the media in question, which is a life-lesson YouTube video, created by the YouTuber Dhar Mann, whose main brand of content is him taking valuable life lessons and talking about real-life problems, such as toxic relationships, fat shaming, and numerous other topics, and creating the most unrealistic life-lesson scenarios with the weirdest dialogue I've ever seen.

//It's one of those pretty simplistic life lesson videos about how the protagonist warns the antagonist about doing something wrong, but the antagonist ignores the warning and does it regardless. In this case, it's about this teenage gamer called Ali who's having a discussion with his athletic older brother, Brandon, about Ali's questionable habits of constantly playing video games and not doing anything. Brandon points out that Ali's never going to have a successful career by just endlessly streaming, which Ali doesn't want to admit.

//Brandon calls Ali a "shy loser' saying that he'll never achieve success in life if he continuously plays video games and that he's destined to never be successful, even though he's rightfully explaining to Ali the risks and trials it takes to become a gamer. Ali is deeply affected by his brother's torment and toxicity toward him and he begins to question his self-confidence and sense of worth in society, believing that he'll never become successful. And then guess who decides to make an appearance at the near climax?

//Surprisingly, it's none other than Faze Rug, the official co-owner of the esports and video gaming entertainment business, Faze Clan. I'm positively sure you're all confused as to why Faze Rug's making a guest appearance here, on a life lesson video, but it's outrightly stated that Ali idolizes Faze Clan greatly, and Dhar Mann was collaborating with Faze Rug to produce this video from the beginning in an attempt to promote Faze Clan, so that offers a reasonable explanation as to why Faze Rug's present in the video, but it's still a pretty confusing explanation.

//Upon seeing his hero chatting with him, Ali begins to express absolute excitement and freaks out about Faze Rug's sudden appearance, which is certainly not how a person diagnosed with social anxiety disorder would've responded to their idol wanting to have a conversation with them and tells Faze Rug about his brother's harmful advice about his shyness, to which he conveniently says that he's also shy and states that Ail should think of having a social anxiety disorder, constantly stuttering, and feeling like you're perpetually trapped in a never-ending cycle of loneliness is a superpower and that it doesn't make you a loser, but makes you awesome.

//...Ali is inspired by this life-changing piece of advice from Faze Rug, and immediately rushes to his computer and begins his very first livestream. Within the brief span of just a few days, Ail's popularity begins to dramatically increase, to the point where he gets noticed by the Faze Clan themselves and is offered a contract to join their team, which he gladly accepts. He's so notorious that he even manages to purchase a fancy Porsche, gets into an intimate relationship with a popular girl in school, and gets sponsored by GFuel. In other words, all the generic, typical dreams that you'd correctly expect to happen in a scenario like this happen.

//Obviously, everybody, aside from his endorsing fanbase which is literally made up of children, proceeded to rip into the video's horrible presentation of its message, and I completely agree with that, so I'm gonna count the ways in which this life lesson video is awful.

1. Ali and Brandon don't even feel like brothers in the slightest. It doesn't showcase any kindness or affectionate behavior that you'd might expect from siblings, no believable humanity or empathy from them, and nothing about why their relationship took a tumultuous turn in the first place. It just showcases Brandon's resentment of Ali's problems and expects us to side with Ail because it's causing him issues when he's rightfully stating the truth.

2. Brandon's "toxicity" instead feels more like it's a mixture of misinterpretation, lack of proper understanding of the situation, sibling bullying, meanspiritedness, miscommunication, or some other significant problem. That isn't toxic behavior, it's just a simple case of sibling bullying that requires understanding and more empathy from Brandon.

3. If someone is bullying you and stating that you'll never be successful because you're shy/anxious/terrified and that they're feeling jealously insecure about your success a person, the proper response is to ask why they feel that way and not act like it's an intrinsic part of their human nature. Nobody WANTS to have these thoughts, nobody wants to have these problems, nobody asked for them, and nobody wants to have their friends resentful of them. Sometimes, it's just a case of understanding their issues and showing them empathy

4. If you are this person and someone responds to your concerns about being shy/anxious/terrified by continuing to berate you and then abandoning you due to your problems, you are better off without them in your life. They are the toxic jerk, not you.

5. The idea of "being shy is a superpower" is absolutely nonsensical. While the original intentions behind it aren't inherently awful, Faze Rug here has taken it to mean that suffering from extreme loneliness, social ineptness, lacking enough confidence to hold a conversation with someone, and worrying about the slightest of problems is automatically a superpower and that it doesn't make you weak. That's a clear sign of toxic advice being an influential person who only cares about selling his merchandise to fans, disregarding their mental well-being, and proceeding to give them harmful advice. Relationships are a two-way road upward, and the people involved should work to maintain and support it; having only one being portrayed as introverted and the other benefits from it while giving nothing in return isn't friendship or admiration. It's more like parasitism.

6. Brandon's position is that Ail should be the one to communicate more with other people, not wasting his livelihood on video games, but at no point does Brandon suggest any alternative solutions for Ali's social anxiety like therapy, offer suggestions about Ail changing his behavior on their own terms, or even bothering to have a heartfelt or meaningful conversation with, expressing sympathy for Ail's dilemma and trying to figure out what's wrong with his brother. No, Brandon simply labels him as a nervous loser because he's too self-centered to even show compassion toward him, which is not only incredibly selfish, it's one of the most damaging things you could do for someone with rejection sensitivity. Keep in mind that it's his younger brother he's putting down, so it makes it all unbearably worse than it actually is.

7. People with these types of social problems who avoid you or try to isolate themselves from society when you try to interact with them are not being toxic, seeking some form of approval, or trying to manipulate you or deceive you. They're often experiencing real fear and real concerns about how they're viewed by the majority of the public, and so may be avoiding you because it's the only way they can prevent themselves from getting humiliated, embarrassed, or mistreated by others around them. It's unhealthy, but that's why it's better to approach the situation with sympathy and compassion, rather than assuming they have bad intentions.

8: Toxic people are far easier to read than you might believe. As someone who's been exposed to countless amounts of toxicity throughout my life, I can confidently say that it isn't a pleasant experience by any means. They make everything about themselves, put your desires and your concerns down, exploit your friendship for personal gain, constantly try to guilt-trip you and make you believe you're the one at fault, never taking any responsibility, and then cut you off when you're no longer useful or exploitable. In other words, exactly like Brandon and Faze Rug in this video.

9: I'm just going to promptly issue this statement: Mental health problems do not make you a toxic or bad person, especially with severe mental disorders such as this. People with those problems are more often than not the victims of toxic and abusive behavior, not the perpetrators of said behavior. Mental illness gets used FAR too causally as referring to behaviors people don't like or find strange, rather than what they actually are: problems that some people have that do not define their entire character, no matter how much it's portrayed in the common perception of it.

10. I don't even know what else to describe this life lesson video's terrible message other than the fact that it's okay for people to feel introverted and shy most of the time, but it shouldn't define you as an individual or a person and you can't continuously live in a cycle of social avoidance and nervousness, because that's incredibly unhealthy, and only serves to limit whatever social interactions you're missing out on. Working on your self-esteem and self-confidence is an important step in overcoming social anxiety, as it displays that you're becoming confident in yourself as a person, and are more willing to express yourself healthily. Trust me, it works miracles.

//This video's message is supposed to be that having social anxiety issues doesn't make you weak instead, it's apparently a superpower, instead, the message I took away from this was that it's okay to feel introverted and nervous often, but that it shouldn't stop you from socializing with other people and attempting to make lasting relationships with friends, and I feel like I'm correct in that assessment.

//I'm a person who's suffering from an excessive case of Social Anxiety disorder, with my behavior usually consisting of being inept at holding an interesting conversation in real life, as I would just be incredibly hesitant whenever someone was talking to me, and I'd barely even said anything meaningful or amazing whenever I was talking with someone. Contrary to what Dhar Mann thinks, it isn't simplistic and it isn't easy, but the possibility of gaining confidence and connecting with others is very likely, it's just that it gradually takes a lengthy amount of time for people who suffer from an uncurable illness like this.

//It takes kindness, compassion, persistence, confidence, courage, and understanding, not to mention exposing yourself to situations that make you anxious will eventually help you overcome shyness over pointing out that having social anxiety and shyness and being unwilling to change that behavior is a superpower.

//I promise you, whatever problems someone's social anxiety issues might cause for you, the problems it causes for them are far worse. By using avoidance as a tool to cope, they won't be making any sort of personal growth or change, but they'll instead be depriving themselves of a crucial part of human development, and they won't be helping themselves or anybody, as well as reinforcing everything that they were afraid of.

//I sincerely hope Dharr Mann grows up and learns the importance of compassion over selfishness, and makes an effort to give more helpful advice for the majority of his life lesson videos. However, since this is an old video that's been uploaded since 2021, it's extremely unlikely that he actually learned anything valuable, and continues to spread harmful, damaging, messages about real-life topics to this day.

//And to everyone who struggles with these issues, and other types of mental disorders in real life, I promise you, people like this don't deserve to be a part of your life, especially if they're being disingenuous about your feelings. You are worth so much more than you think you are, and you all deserve to have good things in your life.

//The people worth having around you are the ones who acknowledge your flaws while emphasizing your strengths and positive qualities as people. They're the people who want to help you grow out of your issues and assist you in becoming a better version of yourself. And if you have the misfortune of encountering people who relentlessly spew negative, toxic comments like Brandon, you can at least try and take the lesson of what to look out for in toxic people, as they absolutely don't deserve to see just how kindhearted, and amazing you all truly are.

//People are kinder and more understanding of other people's well-being than they're given credit for, and you should be that kind of model person for yourself, it's not impossible. Show yourself compassion and understand where you might've gone wrong, rather than constantly punishing yourself and beating yourself up for the smallest of things. Otherwise, you'll end up destroying yourself, living in a cycle of self-loathing and self-harm that's going to become difficult to escape and detrimental to how you live life. It's better for yourself, especially for you and the ones closest to you.

//Apologies if this wasn't what you were all expecting. Admittedly, this is significantly different compared to what I usually write, but I just wanted to offer some truly useful advice when it comes to addressing real-life problems such as this, and I genuinely hope that people would willingly take away from meaningful words such as this, and frequently strive to become better people and better human beings, treating others with the same compassion, empathy, kindness, and respect, that the ones closest to me were willing to provide.

//Have a wonderful rest of the evening, everyone^^

[clumsyclifford]

hi clumsyclifford

so i've been reading your fics and also ask responses and i feel like u would understand this so i am .. going to ramble a bit? just because maybe you understand these brain worms etc. feel free to ignore, i just don't have any fandom friends to properly discuss this with lmao

do you find writing hurt/comfort gets more difficult the older you get? i'm a hurt/comfort writer through and through, but it was way easier when i was like 14 to write about 'deep stuff' and think nothing of it. it was cringe but i was free. now i'm 20, and i want to write hurt/comfort but i'm somewhat afraid of it?

like as adults we still deal with these things, but i find myself wanting to avoid them because it feels childish. it makes it more interesting to write about, but i can't help but feel childish when i want to write about certain topics (u kno. depression. relapse. alcoholism. the full works). and i worry that it comes across immature to others, despite the fact im literally an adult lmao

you have a really nice way of going about angst in your fics, and i want to too. idk i just thought it'd be cool to waffle on about maturing in fandom and what that does for writing and interacting etc. but maybe it just seems extra HAHA i'm just bored and wanted to talk abt it

hey hi hello! took me a minute to get to this, because i wanted to give it a proper answer.

this is a really interesting question i'm glad you brought it to me!!! i'm also intrigued by what you said, because i actually have found it to be the opposite. now, to be fair, i have had a semi-charmed life, so i don't have experience with most of the really hard-hitting heavy angst topics and i have relied on what i've read/seen/learned about for writing those things. because of that, though, i think the "angst" i was writing when i was a kid was wayyy off the mark, and probably hella unrealistic, because i just didn't have the experience to draw from, and i didn't have the perspective to like...fully understand how to write something i didn't know about.

as an adult (or at least more of one), i think i'm much more capable of writing good angst, because i can understand things like: nuance. individual differences. human behavior. moral gray areas. the complexity of the human experience. etc. i've learned, for example, that two people can have the same exact problem and handle it in completely opposite ways, and that knowledge has allowed me to take liberties in writing while also staying conscious of what is in the realm of a "realistic" representation of any given conflict.

another part of being able to write better hurt/comfort, though, is that i really understand a lot more what constitutes as "comfort," and how that can be just as nuanced and complex as the "hurt" part of things. people are comforted by different things. in different ways. by different people. one person may want hugs, one may want to be left alone. one may say they want to be left alone but in reality want hugs. and furthermore, sometimes "comfort" doesn't actually mean "the problem is solved." sometimes it means "let me share this burden." sometimes it means "crying about it is better than not." sometimes it means "the problem hasn't gone away, but i can distract you from it for right now." sometimes it means "i can't help you, but i can help you get help." et cetera et cetera!

i can see where you're coming from, because there are pitfalls in writing hurt/comfort that younger writers do tend to fall into (simply by virtue of not really knowing better), like, for example, thinking that if the "hurt" is alcoholism, then the "comfort" is sobriety that sticks the first time. but! we know that things are not always so neat, and that makes us capable of writing way more interesting stories, because they aren't open-shut, "here's the problem and here's how i fixed it" cases. things don't often get tied neatly in a bow. some of my favorite angst i've ever read or written had ambiguous endings where you didn't know if the problem would be solved in the long run, because that's life! some problems are chronic and incessant; some come and go. some remain a looming presence over your shoulder, presenting an imminent threat to your fragile peace of mind. and many of these don't have an easy fix, which is why they're so interesting and fun (and sometimes challenging) to write about. but i think that as long as you're aware of how layered and complex these things are (which it sounds like you are), you probably won't come across as immature while writing about them.

and by the way, caveat to the above: sometimes "comfort" does mean "the problem is solved," and that's just as legitimate as any of the other shit i said! sometimes it's as easy as saying "person A needs X, and person B has X." whether X is a hug or the thing they need to hear in that moment or a fuckin letter from their past self or just a glass of water, sometimes person B can solve the problem. it happens in real life all the time, and it's not immature to write it in a story. so basically what i'm saying is: as long as you remember that the human experience is messy and complicated and weird and nuanced, you're golden.

[navree]

“Haven't touched on everything I could talk about with Aegon; there's some sex stuff I've alluded to in previous posts that I almost included here but this is already long and it's an incredibly niche reading of the character, but if y'all wanna hear it lemme know.”

Yes please��🙏

I also remember reading some tags you wrote about him flinching on that “most pathetic moments” post or something like that.

So, as I said, niche reading of the character, but they appear to have unintentionally written him as someone who has a lot of trouble with physical intimacy. Which I find such a fascinating detail because it appears to have been entirely unintentional on their part and done in an episode that was largely meant to make us think "wow doesn't Aegon suck?" and instead I'm left thinking "I think Aegon has a lot more issues than they even decided on."

I unfortunately can't find the post, but I do remember that tag, and yeah, when Jace touches his shoulder during his toast (after he realizes that Aemond will beat his ass), Aegon very clearly jumps and/or flinches, which isn't a normal reaction one has to the person they're talking to patting them on the shoulder. So it's a general touch thing, for one, especially since the prior two episodes we saw him in saw that Alicent could kinda rough handle him at times. I'll go to my grave fighting the "Alicent is an abusive mother" crowing from people who have the apparent mental capacity of a frog but even still, that stuff happened, even if it makes sense (medieval society with different standards on childrearing and also one of the only two times that happened was when Aemond had literally just lost a whole eye and she was incredibly distressed). So there's already that to make the case that Aegon doesn't seem to be someone who enjoys being touched. And I'll admit that this can be chalked up to acting choices more than writing choices, that TGC likely made choices about Aegon's comfort level with being touched and that how physical Alicent would get with certain scenes would likely be more discussed between Olivia and Ty than in the script.

But here's the thing: they've also clearly and deliberately stated in the writing that Aegon has to be absolutely plastered, completely black out drunk, to have any kind of sexual interaction at all. Helaena says it explicitly, he completely ignores her as it relates to their maritals "unless he's drunk", he was so inebriated during the assault on Dyana that he straight up doesn't remember it, and even on Driftmark he's getting himself tanked before he goes to leer at serving girls (as well as telling Aemond that the way to get through an unpleasant experience like the dinner with the Blacks is to drink a lot). This is someone they've confirmably written as a person who is doing a lot of self medicating before engaging in sexual intimacy. And that's an important detail to mark when Aegon is married to his sister.

One of the reasons why Targaryen inter-marriage doesn't seem to have been that big an issue for most of the Targaryens even in their own thoughts is because it doesn't seem like they were raised to socialize with their siblings as siblings, but rather as potential romantic and sexual partners. I won't get into a whole thing about exactly why incest is bad, that's a long and very complicated topic and we all know that incest is, in fact, bad, but one of the main components into why it's Wrong is because that's a member of your family, which is a very specific kind of relationship (it's why some writers like to use it as a shocking plot twist *coughCassieClarecough*, because of the immediate sense of wrongness that sets in once you realize someone you've engaged with romantically/sexually is related to you). Targaryens don't do that, members of the family are clearly raised to view siblings not as siblings, but as a future wife or future husband, Dany herself says it in the main series when she ruminates on how she'd just naturally expected to marry Viserys, though that was complicated by the fact that Viserys wasn't just her brother but also operating as both parent and guardian and bodyguard all in one as well as being her brother. But Alicent's kids aren't following that mold. They do view each other through a familial lens, and it is reinforced by their mother that they are family, that they are siblings, and they were in all likelihood raised via more traditional sibling socialization, not Targaryen ones.

So Aegon is marrying someone he doesn't want to marry, someone he has spent his life viewing as his actual sister, and we have no reason to believe this didn't happen pretty soon after the betrothal (let's assume it's a year afterwards and Helaena's around thirteen while Aegon is around fourteen, that's normal marriageable ages in Westeros). Not to mention Aegon appears to follow the Faith of the Seven somewhat loyally, he also partakes in prayer at the family dinner and as I've said previously, he literally hides out in a sept under the altar of the Mother in a time of crisis (the symbolism, I cry), and we know the Faith holds incest to be an abomination. So you have all of that baggage, and then you add in all that alcoholism talk AND all those other statements? Then yeah, they've essentially written Aegon as someone who not only might dislike physical contact in general, but specifically needs to be inebriated to the point of passing out in order to stand any sexual contact or intimacy at all. And yet we still know he's done it, he has kids, and wow gosh this kinda reminds me of Alicent isn't that odd?

I don't think it was done on purpose, I think TGC and Olivia and Ty made some acting choices (and TGC especially likes to play up Aegon's poor little meow meow status so I assume a concept of Aegon not liking being touched was something he'd have in his wheelhouse), and the writers really wanted to get across that Aegon is a drunken lech, but the way they did it and the baggage of all the other stuff we've seen in the show, like how these kids were raised, means that, well, yeah. Aegon reads as a character who dislikes being touched, and has a pathological desperation to self-medicate before he sexually performs, especially with his sister to whom he is married.

And it's an interesting area to play around in, not only in his specific relationship to Helaena (that's a whole trove of stuff they can delve into, especially after Blood and Cheese), but also in his relationship to other people, his bond with Sunfyre, his relationship with his kids, how it might be compounded or mutate or otherwise develop after he's injured in the war. Again, I don't think it was intentional, that's just how I see it when I look at it, but if they want to lean into it and add intentionality and do stuff with it, they could, and I think it could be very good character work.

[gffa]

i love you for all you do for the jedi discourse

I've been thinking about this lately, the fraught tension of the discourse around the Jedi, how contentious it can sometimes get, how I know I'm not always the most patient I could be, and sometimes I regret that. But other times I don't. Because there are times I feel like I'm screaming into the void about how, every single day, there is some new bad faith response on one of my posts, some new unsettlingly "hyper invested in a stranger on the internet's opinions about made up space wizards" comment in the tags I browse, and that I'm just really exhausted at feeling like it's always up to Jedi fans to be saints, but if we show the slightest bit of snapping at yet another person putting a bad faith take on our posts, oh, we just ~can't handle anyone not babying our faves~. And honestly I don't know where to go from here, because I do enjoy good faith discussion, but I'm also just so worn out of five years of this, never knowing when someone is being reasonable or when they're going to blow up on me, never knowing when a comment is serious or a joke, the lack of structure of discussions, are we talking on a Doylist level or a Watsonian one?, etc. Five years of playing defense against people coming into the space I've created for myself, I don't know how much I can really even contribute to the discourse anymore, because it's just been so many times piled on so many times that this has happened. And the majority of the time they're pretty mild, but after a certain point you're just tired of having the same thing thrown at you, so you play defense and try to cut things off at the pass, try to predict the nonsense comments you're going to get, and that becomes woven into your meta, rather than being able to relax and just talk about what you want in the way you want. I'm not upset about this so much as just kind of navel-gazing and I do kind of loathe some of the behavior of fandom, as well as I wanted to talk about why some of us may seem pretty prickly and I hope that I can project that, yeah, I have my scraped raw nerve points in some places, but that I'm working to let go of it, and if you wonder why I've checked out from a lot of these conversations, that's why. There's little to be gained by it, I've thought about these topics for five years, I've given it all a ton of critical thought, and I'm settled where I'm settled. I'm exhausted, so I'm just going to be over here, in my own corner, trying to turn back to the things I love talking about, because that's the kind of corner of fandom I want. That seems like such a downer answer for a sweet ask, apologies!  I’m just annoyed at fandom today (what else is new) and wanted to go, you know, there’s a reason some of us seem like we’re in a bad mood at times. That said, the kind comments are appreciated and I will endeavor to get back to being more fun about Star Wars and the psychic space wizards even more than I already am.  (To be fair, I shitpost a good amount, too, okay.  XD)

[onewomancitadel]

as a knightfall fan - Jaune being trapped alone with the other girls for the entire volume makes me terrified. I mean Jaunes gonna be bonding deeply with the main girls during this survival situation. Stuff like this tends to make people really close. I don't know how they can avoid some kind of romance. That kind of thing just comes with a lot of sexual tension. You dont survive a life and death scenario with someone and dont end up extremely close. How is jaune/cinder going to match that?

Hi anon, thanks for your ask.

Politely, these characters aren't real and you're applying inappropriate analysis. The writers decide whether the characters grow close or not, I'm not sure why you're appealing to realistic psychology as if that's how stories are written. Though I'll allow that the setting may allow for character interaction and growth, and one may expect that the story accounts for characters being stuck together, it's not quite the same as what you're saying.

The purpose of the Fallen Place/island is katabasis, or underworld descent. Underworld descent is probably the one thing a lot of stories take from monomythic storytelling even if they eschew the rest. It's very important. It's where forbidden knowledge is accessed.

But in terms of romance and underworld descent, being retrieved by someone from the land of the living is where the business usually happens.

As it stands, I think Raven may play a role in getting them out, so I'm not so certain whether Cupid and Pysche or Orpheus and Eurydice (in this case, the person would fail at their task) or anything like that is going to be at play yet, though I've seen some speculation. But it doesn't apply to relationships in the Fallen Place, it's who they're connected to outside of it (Ruby and Oscar is the most I've seen commented upon in this recently. You can go back and read my posts about Jaune and Cinder on this topic).

How is jaune/cinder going to match that?

Because... it's his most intense relationship? Like there's a ton connecting them, and specifically them together, not Jaune to other characters or her to other characters? I can't really answer this because I don't agree with the set-up needed for the question, with the understanding that sexual tension will be present in the Fallen Place (?) also excepting that Jaune won't see anything of Cinder down there (it's a fantastical place of forbidden knowledge and Joan of Arc has visions, of course I'm going to speculate, especially if Cinder fits St. Margaret who broke out from the belly of a dragon).

If there's any sexual tension in the show - given the show really doesn't explore that sort of thing at all, though I do recommend this post lol - it is, funnily enough, right here:

I'm not really sure if the tone of this ask is looking for reassurance but it's kind of hard to reassure when the approach of the analysis is foregrounded in stuff I really don't get and doesn't seem to be a concern with the show's storytelling. So I guess that might be a good thing?

I'm not even worried if Jaune's decision to help Penny resolves really quickly because even that can still be positive foreshadowing for how they end up handling Cinder.

Cherry (@branwyns) is probably quite right in their last ask that it's friendship and the importance of teamwork and forgiveness explored across the volume.

I also think the Adam and Summer open doors will come up in conjunction with Penny. So that's doing a lot of interesting things and I'm not sure is doing any romantic foreshadowing as much as I expect there to be conflict, at some point, in RWBY romantic pairs.

Sorta like Cinder making Jaune kill Penny, yeah.

Anyway, thanks again for your ask and have a good day. (: For further reading I recommend this ask and response since it covers similar worries and I discuss ship structuring in the show.

[quaranmine]

I want to throw my hat in the ring of this whole reddit thread thing because I've been keeping my eye on the posts from the past few days. (I don't have reddit, I prefer to stay away from that site.)

I'm so,, baffled over this unpopular opinion thread and how people are using it to criticize the hermits, as if they have any justification to do so. Of course it's okay to give them constructive criticism but the content I've seen isn't even that type of criticism, most of it should be flagged as straight up hate comments.

The ones about Grian being a bully or the ones that claim some hermits dislike the others are so, so unnecessary. These are the ones who need to realize that this is just the other side of the coin of what is essentially a parasocial relationship. They don't know the hermits or what they think, it's just plain odd. It's just seems like they are just shoving their own feelings and opinions into the hermits.

My logic is if a thread is causing more harm then good, then it should be taken down- (scar even agrees to a certain extent guys like c'mon). If people truly believe it would be taken down because hermits "can't handle criticism" then that's on them. It was all unwarranted.

(this can be posted publicly or deleted if you prefer the topic to drop, I don't mind either way, hope you're doing alright!! :] )

I agree so much, especially with you middle paragraph about people not knowing the hermits. That's something I noticed but didn't mention in my post before, but the comment that kicked off the chain of Grian-bashing specifically said that they got the impression that many of the hermits didn't like Grian.

Firstly, i have no idea where they got that since I've only heard people say nice things about working with him. Secondly, whether they realized Grian might read the thread or not, I think it's extremely insidious to try and plant the idea in someone's head that their friends secretly hate them. I know he has anxiety. I also know from personal experience that most people on earth probably "oh my god what if everyone secretly hates me" like once a month a minimum. You should, full stop, just not say those things since they can be very damaging. It was just so so speculative and out of line, in my opinion. They're just making up interpretations that don't exist. The mod's justification is that these comments were providing explanations for their thoughts and brought a new perspective. They also said that the comments were in the realm of "welcoming and friendly."

.....um, yeah, I don't think that saying a hermit is a controlling narcissist who abuses his power over people, a bully, and that some of his friends secretly dislike him is "welcoming and friendly." Or constructive. Or going to help in any way whatsoever. We know that at least Scar disliked the thread and said it wasn't helpful, and I suspect Xisuma is the one who originally wrote the comment about how hurtful it was even if he later conceded to unlocking the thread.

There's a way to deliver criticism in a way that's constructive, and this wasn't it. The mod does also write this comment, though: "We are all guests in the Hermits' home here. This is a subdivision of private enterprise and free speech is not a given. If you want fair discussion, do so in an unmoderated environment where you're not harming the people whose work you claim to enjoy."

and, I agree. If you want to post unfiltered criticism, you should do so in an unmodded environment where the hermits don't have to see it. Xisuma and Joe are the head mods of the subreddit. The way reddit works, someone could literally create their own hermitcraft subreddit and mod it any way they like if they don't enjoy the rules of the current one (see: the creation of r/dreamwastaken2 after some people wanted better discussion of discourse than on the original sub)

[mypsychxdeliclove]

messy blurb rant

I really hate how tiktok seems to know what I like and dislike and tends to push bullshit to my fyp all the time. Now, because of that I'm gonna do a quick little rant because I am so annoyed.

First of all, a majority of BLs have an age restriction at the beginning of the show for a reason. Not every show is for all age groups. That being said, if you're a minor and the show says that it's for 18+ yet you choose to ignore that blatant warning, stop complaining when the show gets into content meant for older audiences. I think one thing people forget is that these restrictions aren't just for sex. They also include warnings about content that might be in the show: drugs, suicide, sexual assault, etc. You might be comfortable with watching a sex scene here and there but if you're not comfortable with certain topics that are depicted then stop watching the show. No one is gonna force you to continue a show if it makes you that uncomfortable and if you do want to continue for whatever reason, skip the parts that make you uncomfortable. When I watched History 4, I skipped all the scenes with the brothers because I didn't like them and their relationship made me feel icky for various reasons. So, I skipped their scenes as much as I could. It's not that hard. Don't force yourself to consume content that makes you uncomfortable and especially don't hate on others for enjoying the content that you can't handle.

I cannot believe that I saw a tiktok the other day of a fourteen year old complaining about how adults were telling them not to watch Kinnporsche (which is rated 21+). There were over 200+ on that video and all of them were minors outing themselves as ignoring the warnings and watching the show anyway. Yet the creator of that video then posted another video after a recent video complaining about a sexual assault scene in the drama. From reading those comments, it dawned on me that those kids, despite all the warnings that they have been given, believed that adults were trying to push them away from the show because it was a gay love story or because there was a little sex scene in the show. No, we warned you to keep away from the show because of how dark and heavy it is. I don't know why people see that it's a show based around a mafia and think it's gonna be a cute and happy little love story. It's dark and it's very triggering with some very cruel things happening to multiple characters. Those that have read the books have been warning about the contents of this story since the show was announced yet it seems a lot of people have been ignoring them.

Is there an issue where there are a lot of scenes in BL dramas are depicting something morally wrong such as a scene of sexual assault where it's brushed off? Yes. But I think people forget this isn't JUST a BL issue but this is an issue that is spanned across all shows and movies. Is it still wrong? Yes, I just think it's weird that people are only calling out these actions when it comes to BLs when there is a lot of other media that needs to be called out as well.

I also think it's weird that people only focus on those bad scenes that depict scenes of sexual assault as something sensual or something to just brush off yet they completely ignore how these shows portray how sexual assault affects someone. One example of this is Tharntype, the show you either love or hate. In the first season of the show there were two characters that had been sexually assaulted and they both acted and reacted to things differently but both showed extremely valid responses to their assault. It highlighted that there isn't a blueprint on how a victim should react after their assault and how different people react differently after an assault. Yet the only thing people want to point out is that one shower scene when there are so many points in the show for discussion about sexual assault and toxic relationships/behaviors.

[a-mended-pact]

Chapter : Seven

This chapter is Reader and Spencer finally discussing what's going on. It's a little angst but a semi happy ending.

Taglist is open. 🥰

Part 6

This one is definitely one of my favorite chapters I've written so far.

Word count: 3,121

I am currently experiencing heavy writers block so I would love to know your thoughts or theories!

If you have questions for the series please message or send an ask.

Requests are open

I ended up walking out of the room and I could feel myself shaking. I was infuriated. I had been so upset with everything that happened between Spencer and Cat that I couldn’t see straight. Maybe I was being overly emotional but to be fair I still haven’t slept yet. Spencer had followed me out but neither of us made it far before I saw Ethan sitting in the break room talking to Jj. I glanced at Spencer then back at him. ‘He deserves to be in a cell, not in our break room. You and I both know that.’ He sighed and nodded knowing damn well now was not the time to fully argue with me. My hands were sore. I needed a release from the stress of the past couple of days. I would much rather the endorphins get released by Spencer and I tangled within the sheets.

It had been sometime since Spencer and I had been intimate due to work and me just not being in the mood because of the recent changes in my medication. We hadn’t openly discussed what had been going on with us to anyone on the team. At least I didn't. I wanted to keep things to myself. I had always suffered with dark thoughts and bad coping mechanisms. It wasn’t until Spencer pointed it out when we started living together. That it wasn't pointed out to me. He had spoken to me about it as gently as possible because he understood it was a sensitive topic that could either make me sob or be deeply upset with him and push him away. 

It luckily ended in me trusting his judgement and he set me up with a psychologist. Within a month of therapy they decided I needed meds for my issues. Mood stabilizers, Antidepressants and anxiety medication. It took a lot of trial and error for us to find the right ones that worked for me. I was lucky enough to have a person in my life to love me through the changes I had to experience during that time. I unfortunately suffered from a hazy mind. If I get too focused on something I tend to forget to take all of the above. Spencer always kept a track of when I took them. He’d message me when I needed to when we weren’t together no matter what. 

Of course he couldn’t when he was kidnapped. So here I was having a hard time processing everything I needed to. ‘You need to go home and sleep, eat and take your medication my love.’ As he spoke he cupped my face and rubbed his thumb over my cheek. I couldn’t help but notice the way Ethan looked at me with envy from the other room when I wasn’t staring into Spencer’s golden irises. A part of me felt like Spencer was just trying to get rid of me but I also knew he needed to come home and rest too. I can’t imagine he actually got any while he was kidnapped even if he was presumably only with Ethan. 

I grabbed his hand and held it to my face as I leaned into it. I didn’t care that I had to stretch out my freshly made wounds. If anything the pain was a nice distraction from the whirlwind my mind had become from the ticking of the hours that had gone by. ‘Please come home with me. Ethan will be taken care of and it’s not like the Kitten can get out of her cell. Please.’ His eyes softened as he heard me speak and he went to shake his head no until Emily spoke up from behind us. 

‘Both of you are going home. Neither of you have a choice in the matter. Everyone here has gotten rest but you two. The rest of the team and I can handle this by ourselves for a little while. Go home you two.’ She spoke loud enough to cause a scene and I couldn’t help but wince as everyone stared. ‘She’s right you haven’t eaten a proper meal Y/L/N in days’ Rossi commented from the peanut gallery. I pulled Spencer’s hand away from my face and squeezed it tightly. I hated being called out by anyone that wasn’t him. He has learned how to do it without making me feel guilty over the past couple of years. Right now all I felt was guilt. Guilty over the fact that on top of worrying about Spencer they were worried about me as well. I was such a screw up I swear. ‘ I agree I think I saw you resting your eyes maybe 10 minutes before you headed to the vending machine for an energy drink because the coffee wasn’t working for you anymore.’ Luke commented as he brought me my cardigan that I had draped over my chair at my desk. I sighed as I looked at him. 

‘Guys we are going. I promise.’ Spencer spoke as he began to pull my hand lightly to lead me away from everyone. ‘Don’t forget to put him in a holding cell.’ I said as I pointed at Ethan as his eyes never seemed to leave Spencer and I. I locked on to his gaze and followed his line of sight. Correction: it wasn’t on both of us. It was only on Spencer. 

I squeezed his hand harder than I probably should have. I didn't care. Ethan was truly creeping me out at that moment. Why was he staring at my husband like a child that had their favorite comfort item taken from them as a punishment.  Perhaps in a way that's what I was doing. I knew the moment he and I left they would treat him like an unsub as they should. He'd get no special treatment because Spencer wouldn't be around. I was giddy at the thought and let out a small laugh as I walked out of the building with him in tow.

-----------------

I felt a weight leave my chest when Y/n asked me to shower with her. I logically knew it was probably because she couldn't bring herself to actually wash her hair or even herself.  I was just thrilled over the fact that once our front door was locked into place she didn't turn around and snap at me about what happened between Cat and I.  I knew what I let happen bothered her greatly. We've spoken about it before many times.  I knew this time though I had almost opened Pandora's box. Perhaps I had only placed the key into it instead. 

Still pulling her into my arms as the hot water washed over us was enough to make me sob into her freshly washed hair. I never wanted her to doubt my love for her. Yet here I was showing attraction to two different people and that wasn't fair to her. Sure it hadn't been spoken about nor did she know about the relationship Ethan and I shared when we were much younger. She had a right to know. I knew that. I also knew now wasn't the time to mention it.

I felt her put her full weight into me as the water droplets rolled down her soft skin. She seemed so fragile.  We seemed so fragile.  Maybe I was overthinking. Maybe I was making up scenarios that would never come. Her hand inched up tracing the wound on my chest underneath it's bandage. I tried not to wince but no matter how gently she caressed it with her fingertips it still stung like it did when it was given to me mere days ago.

'I can't believe he did this to you.' Her voice was barely a whisper as if she too were afraid it would shatter the solace we found behind a mere shower curtain.  I caught her hand in mine and placed it over my heart. I leaned in and kissed her as gently as I could muster. She returned it in kind but I could tell she had more to say. So of course I let her. 

'He hurt you Spence and all you've done is protect him. I want to understand but I can't seem to wrap my head around why you'd protect a man that did such awful things to you.' As she spoke I remembered why I let him get away with it. It was simple. I couldn't remember who had actually hurt me. If it were him or Lindsey.  I never coherently saw her. I only saw him and I felt like that was deliberately done. 

'Sweetheart, do you trust me and my judgment on the matter?' As I spoke I pulled away from her to turn the water off and grab a towel wrapping her up in one first before I grabbed my own to dry myself off too. I watched in awe as she dried off and her breast jiggled as she did so. I had to turn my gaze away. Now was certainly not the time to be trying to bed my wife. I would be lying though if I said I didn't want to distract myself from everything that had happened these past few days.

Her and I both needed rest. She needed to eat first to take her medicine.  That was top priority not my raging lust for her. 'I do. I just. I don't know there's things I don't know that I need to know before I make my final judgement on the situation. All I know is that my husband has been sexually touched, kidnapped and tortured in a matter of days and there was nothing I could do to change the outcome besides not walking out of the bureau when Cat touched you through your slacks!'  

I could hear the frustration in her voice as she pulled on her panties and one of my t-shirts from college.  I watched her as she quickly left the bathroom to head into the kitchen. I quickly slid on my gray sweats and rushed after her. I didn't like the idea of her being alone when she was angry and not in a great state of mind. 

'I'm sorry.' I pulled her into me as she began to make herself toast. I placed a kiss on the junction between her neck and shoulder. 'I should have stopped the whole thing sooner. I just kept trying because I was certain if I did she'd slip up but she never did.' 

By now I knew how Y/N's mind worked. 'Spencer you didn't stop her because you didn't want to. Whether you understand your attraction to her or not. You've always wanted to sleep with her. You yourself told me so when we were just friends. Don't start lying to me now about things' She pulled away from me and took the toast and her glass of water to the couch.

I realized then that she had actually made me some toast as well. I turned around to grab my own glass of water and her medicine. I sat beside her and sighed. 'Eat first then take your medicine. If you are feeling up to it I'll tell you before we go to bed tonight. Everything you need to know and probably things you'd rather not hear but as my wife and my best friend you have the right to know everything.' 

She nodded as she bit into her food. Tears were silently streaming down her face already. I knew right now that it wasn't because of me. Not fully anyway she was just overwhelmed.  

We ate in silence. I handed her; her pills and she took them without complaint. If anything she seemed rather numb to everything around her.

'Maybe telling you should wait.' I said as I pulled her to me. 'Thank you for not fighting with me about taking your medicine.' I kissed her cheek. 'I'm proud of you and how well you've held yourself together while I was gone.' She wasn't codependent on me per say but praise was always something I gave her. Especially after mom started to pick fights with me about her medication.  Y/n was a walk in the park for me compared to her. She always felt bad that I needed to take care of her when she wasn't in her right state of mind. 

To be honest though I love taking care of her. She was perfectly capable of doing anything and everything on her own but she trusted me enough to shut her brain off for a bit and let me take the reins for a few hours or even days. Right at this moment was one of those times. It's not like I didn't have days and times like her where I shut my mind off as well because I did and she would baby me and look after me like I am her at this very moment. 

'I'd rather you tell me right now. I don't have the urge to fight or to do much of anything.' I nodded as I pulled her up with me and led her to the bed laying down with her and holding her from behind.

'First and foremost. I am in love with you with every fiber of my being. I don't ever want you to doubt that but I'll understand after I tell you everything if you do but I need you to always remember I will choose you without hesitation, without question.' She nodded after I was done. My fingers traced up and down her hand as I held her as close as possible. 

'I'll always be your best friend first. Then your wife. That was something I told you on our wedding day and I plan to stick by that choice. I only ask that you stay remaining honest with me. I can't stand not knowing what's going on in your mind. As long as we stay honest with one another I know that we can make it through anything.' She pulled my hand up to her lips and kissed it and I couldn't help but sigh in relief. She was more than I deserved and I don't think anyone would ever understand how much I didn't deserve her.

'I'm not sure if it was Ethan that hurt me. I know he was the one to kidnap me but other than that I don't believe it was him. He would never hurt someon-' I stopped myself as I was searching for the right words. I could tell she was waiting with baited breath. 'Ethan would never hurt me like that would most likely be the proper word to say.'

She nodded 'You're holding back love. Just say what needs to be said.  I can take it.'

I bit my lip and exhaled. 'Ethan wouldn't hurt me like that because he has been in love with me since college. We um.. he was- i-' I was struggling trying to form words. The past Ethan and I had together was a good one but he was also my first heartbreak. 

'He was your first love huh? It's okay Spence we all have a past. Some of us just don't stay close to those from it.' As she spoke she rolled over to face me with a soft smile on her lips. 'Keep going. It's okay.' I know all of her wanted to cup my face but she restrained herself and just made due fiddling with my wedding band on my finger. Which is something she always did when we were having a deep conversation. I knew as long as she was playing with mine and not her own that we were okay.

`We were friends for a long time before him and I became intimate with one another.  We always sorta stepped around the subject but one day after class he asked me out on a movie date. One thing led to another and I was in his room and we- we slept together.' She nodded again telling me to continue as her eyes stayed on her moving fingers. 

I made a face. It's not the fact that I didn't want to tell her it was just the fact that I didn't know how. 

'We dated all of college and then we separated when I joined the academy. I made it and he didn't.  We grew apart. One thing led to another and I caught him in a very intimate position with someone. He claimed that the other person involved was the one that started it. He didn't have time to react before I walked out.' 

I didn't dare look at her. I knew it was dumb of me to still be so hurt by what happened between him and I but I was. I trusted him deeply even to this day but I just couldn't let go of the way it looked like that wasn't their first kiss. No matter how many times he proved to me that it was.

Her hand moved to cup my face as she kissed away the small tears that I was shedding.

'I'm sorry he broke your heart Spencer.  You didn't deserve that.'

'After I left we never fully spoke again. I never gave him the time of day. Not fully.  We'd talk as friends and we'd talk for cases such as where Jj met Will but other than that I just shut anything to do with him out.'

I looked at her finally, my vision blurry with unshed tears and she looked at me and smiled softly at me. 'The truth is I was in love with him.  After him I fell in love with Maeve. Then I met you and it's like everything started making sense again.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't drawn to you originally because in some aspects you reminded me of him.  I think that was one of the reasons I first realized I was attracted to you.'

She pulled me in suddenly and kissed me sweetly on the lips.  'I love you Spencer. You and the things that make you, you now. We need to talk about Catherine but I'm getting very very sleepy and all I want from you right now is for you to let me drown in you and pretend for a small amount of time that these past few days haven't happened.' 

I pulled her into me and held her as she buried her face into my hair.  'I love you Mrs Reid more than you will ever be able to comprehend.'

With that we both fell asleep for the first time in 4 days. 

Taglist:

@sassymoon @rainsong01 @onlyhereforthefanfics @itsdars

[ibijau]

Burn it down AU // on AO3 // extras on AO3

Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian, Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen discuss everything that happened since they last met, and what they need to do in the future

In the morning, Lan Wangji had breakfast with A-Yuan, helped him get ready and took him to his class, promising that they would have dinner together in the Jingshi that night. He then returned home, and started the difficult task of waking Wei Wuxian before nine. It took some effort, but reminding him that they were set to meet Lan Xichen and Nie Huaisang helped.

They arrived at the Hanshi to find it empty, though not for long. After a few moments, Lan Xichen returned, chatting quietly with Nie Huaisang. That struck Lan Wangji as odd, although he could not quite figure out why at first. It took him a moment to realise that, as a rule, his husband and brother had usually avoided being alone together before this. The only other time he could recall was right after Nie Mingjue’s death, and even then Lan Xichen had left Nie Huaisang’s side as soon as possible.

A shame since, walking together, they both looked quite happy.

That cheerfulness did not survive long. Nie Huaisang turned grim again as he greeted Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji did not blame him for it. This promised to be another unpleasant conversation for all of them. Only Wei Wuxian was still smiling as they all sat down at the table, him and Lan Wangji on one side, Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen on the other. But even that smile seemed to be more out of habit than sincere mirth, especially when he inquired how long they had until Jiang Cheng came banging on the door again to ask for his head.

"I convinced him to drop the matter," Nie Huaisang said, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. "We talked a long while, and he accepted that for the time being, Mo gongzi is under the care of Gusu Lan. He will come back someday to check how things are progressing, but for now he's heading back to Yunmeng." 

"Huaisang convinced him?" Lan Wangji repeated. 

His husband rolled his eyes and played with his closed fan.

"Is that so surprising? I know him better than any of you, except perhaps Wei gongzi." he paused, and gave Wei Wuxian a long look. "Actually, I probably know him better than even Wei gongzi on some topics. I failed him too as a friend, but there are shared experiences, and I was there after… certain events." 

At those words, Wei Wuxian’s smile turned sharper.

"Nie-xiong certainly thinks he knows more than anyone else on every subject," he noted. "That's good. We happen to have a few questions." 

Nie Huaisang returned his smile with just as little warmth.

"Me too. What on earth were you two doing in Qinghe? Was the arm attracted to something there? And why did you have to ruin our ancestral hall like that?" 

"Why does Qinghe Nie bury its sabres in tombs and its people in walls?" Wei Wuxian retorted. "Isn't that worse than a little property destruction?" 

Nie Huaisang pinched his lips and looked down. 

"I will explain this," Lan Xichen quickly offered. "With Huaisang's permission, of course?" 

When Nie Huaisang reluctantly nodded, Lan Xichen started explaining the story of the ancestral hall. It was a rather disturbing tale, and one that Nie Huaisang clearly disliked hearing about, fidgeting nervously with his fan the whole time. All Lan Wangji could think about was that it now made sense, in a twisted way, why Nie Huaisang had so carelessly sacrificed Mo Xuanyu. There was a family tradition of disregarding others if deemed lesser. 

Still, this made finding Nie Mingjue's legs in that place all the more concerning. 

"Nie-xiong, when was the last time new corpses were brought in?" Wei Wuxian asked after exchanging a glance with Lan Wangji. 

Nie Huaisang grimaced. 

"Not long after I became sect leader," he admitted. "Some thieves got in and… it was ugly. We had to find replacements at the last minute. At least one thing Jin Guangyo could…" 

He turned deathly pale, his eyes widening in realisation. 

"He was there!" he shouted, rising to his feet and nearly toppling the table. "He was there and he helped and I never questioned it! He… He found the corpses for me! But it can't… I saw the bodies he brought, I supervised the repairs, they were whole!” He turned to his husband, face tight. “Wangji, tell me he didn’t. He can’t have done that. He knew, he knows what the sabre spirits do, he can’t have… Tell me he didn’t!”

Wangji looked away, overcome with pity. For how much he raged against Jin Guangyao, it seemed that Nie Huaisang still held on to the hope that some of the friendship they once shared had been real.

“We found legs attached to the wrong body," Wei Wuxian explained in a kinder voice than before. "You could not have known unless you undressed it, and you would not have had cause to do that, right?." 

Nie Huaisang sighed and shook his head. Because Lan Xichen pulled on his sleeve, he finally sat down again, letting himself drop down to his cushion a little too fast. 

"Well, that explains the mess you made there," he muttered. "Nie Rongju did say you were acting very suspicious when he found you, even though you didn't seem to know about that place." 

The disciple guarding the Sword Hall that day had given them a lot of grief when he had found them, before boldly arguing that husband or not, Lan Wangji had no right to an explanation without Nie Huaisang’s permission. In the Cloud Recesses it would have marked him as insubordinate and led to punishment. In the Unclean Realm he had probably secured a future promotion. 

"There are people loyal to Huaisang in Qinghe," Lan Wangji pointed out. 

To his surprise, this remark brought on a weak smile rather than a flash of anger. 

"I suppose Jin Guangyao can't have bought all of them," Nie Huaisang conceded. "Or maybe Nie Rongju was just upset to see my villainous husband parade around his youthful lover." he sighed, deeply and dramatically. "Only a few years of marriage and it goes like this. Will I ever recover from losing your love? I don't think I shall." 

"Huaisang," Lan Wangji said, torn between scolding and amusement. 

"You're right, we'll go through that terrible betrayal later," Nie Huaisang chuckled, before turning serious once more. "We've settled the issue of the Sword Hall, and you've only spoken of… of legs. Now I'm very curious to hear about the rest of Da-ge's body, and how you brought Xue Yang back from the dead." 

Lan Wangji let Wei Wuxian handle the telling of that story. He glossed over how they had found without much problem the torso buried among the remains of the Yueyang Chang sect, then went into more details about what had happened in Yi City. 

It had started with an encounter with Song Lan. Lan Wangji had never had the chance to meet him before things took a turn for the worst for him, but he'd known his reputation and apparently, the reverse was also true. Song Lan had approached them because they happened to be staying at the same inn and he had been surprised to find a disciple of Gusu Lan in such a place. That surprise only increased when Lan Wangji had introduced himself. They had chatted, and discovered they were headed in roughly the same direction, so Song Lan had suggested travelling together. 

From anyone else, the offer would have been refused. From Song Lan, who had his griefs against Lanling Jin, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian decided that it should be quite fine. 

Their path had taken them to Yi City, a desolate, gloomy city where they had met a blind girl who, through great luck, had revealed she knew the friend Song Lan was searching for. That was how they had found Xiao Xingchen, blind but alive and well. 

That was how they had found Xue Yang who, sadly, was also alive and well. 

"He tried to put on every dirty trick he knew to get rid of us, and even blew corpse poison in Song Lan's face," Wei Wuxian recounted, turning to look at Lan Wangji with beaming pride. "Lan Zhan still made quick work of him. He just wasn't a match." 

The fight over, they had tied Xue Yang so he wouldn't flee, and gagged him so he would finally stop spouting horrors. Song Lan's corpse poisoning had been cured, and he had been able to reunite with Xiao Xingchen, finally apologising for what had gone wrong between them only to learn that his friend had never borne him any ill will. 

Lan Wangji had half envied that easy reunion, the simple joy on their faces at being together again, the way they had immediately started speaking of their old dream of creating their own sect and how A-Qing would of course be part of that. He did not regret his feelings for Wei Wuxian, nor their intensity, but he could not shake the idea that maybe they too could have had that sort of close friendship, if he had only kept some of his passion hidden. 

They had stayed a few days in Yi City. Nie Mingjue's right arm had been hidden there, after which the left arm stopped picking up on anything more even though the head was still missing. They had felt this gave them a decent excuse for a break. Wei Wuxian would anyway have been reluctant to leave Xiao Xingchen too soon. He had too many questions for him about Baoshan Sanren, and Xiao Xingchen had been so happy to find family of a sort that he had eagerly answered his questions.

This also gave them time to consider what to do with Xue Yang. Xiao Xingchen advocated for clemency since he had done no evil in their years of cohabitation, while A-Qing insisted he was the incarnation of all things evil and had to be disposed of. Song Lan argued that he needed to be brought to justice either way, but admitted that he did not know who to trust to judge him. It was the sort of case a Chief Cultivator should have handled, but since Jin Guangyao was Xue Yang's accomplice, that wasn't an option. 

"In the end, they agreed to let us bring him to the Cloud Recesses," Wei Wuxian concluded. "They understood we need him to testify, and they trust Zewu-Jun and his uncle to be fair." 

"Their trust honours me," Lan Xichen replied, "although I fear I have done little to earn it. I bear my share of responsibility in Jin Guangyao’s crimes. I will do my best to help set things right now." 

Silently, Nie Huaisang put his hand on Lan Xichen's, and they exchanged a brief look. 

"In the end, did you find out anything about Da-ge's head?" Lan Xichen asked, turning his attention back to the other two. 

Wei Wuxian shrugged with a grimace and glanced at Lan Wangji who nodded. 

"We have struck a deal of sorts with Xue Yang, Wei Wuxian explained. “Lan Zhan promised he would ask that exile be considered an option as his punishment, and in exchange he told us everything we wanted to know, and quite a few things I could have lived without hearing about. What matter is that he says there's a secret room in the Fragrant Palace. That's where Chifeng-Zun's head was brought when Lianfang-Zun became sect leader. It seems he hid many secrets of his in there, because he was confident nobody could get in without his help." 

"Xue Yang is not what one might call a reliable source," Lan Xichen cautiously noted. 

Wei Wuxian grimaced slightly, but shook his head.

"Everything else he said fit with my observations. Besides…" Wei Wuxian's grimace deepened. "In his own manner, he seemed rather excited to meet me once he guessed who I am. If he lied, it was only to make his role in those matters look more than it really was."

Silence fell for a moment as they all considered what to do next.

"We need to get my brother's head," Nie Huaisang sighed, growing pale. "We have to get him back. If we confront Jin Guangyao before, he might find ways to get rid of it, or it will remain sealed in there, or…" 

Seeing him getting anxious, Lan Xichen moved the hand that Nie Huaisang still held, so he could rub his thumb against the back of the other man’s hand, and smiled weakly. 

"We are not leaving your brother behind," he promised. "We are going to get all of him back, and we are going to bury him again with all the respect he deserves." 

“Getting back the head is our best plan anyway,” Wei Wuxian added. “His soul was fragmented along his body, it can’t be put whole away until we get every part of him back. But when that’s done, there’s a good chance that Chifeng-Zun’s spirit might be contacted through Lan techniques, and we could get him to testify, in addition to Xue Yang. He won’t exactly be objective either, but considering he was murdered, that can be excused. All we need now is to figure out a way to get into the Fragrant Palace without arousing too much suspicion.”

Faced with this problem, they found themselves stuck. Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen had been frequent visitors to Carp Towers for years, so it might not have been difficult for them to find excuses to go there. Yet even they would have found it hard to give a reason to enter Jin Guangyao’s private quarters, or to get there without his knowledge. If they went to Carp Tower, he would expect of them to spend their time with him. If Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian came along they might more easily manage to sneak around, especially if Jin Guangyao was occupied by his sworn brother and Nie Huaisang, but it would be difficult to explain why they were there. Lan Wangji had never hidden his lingering resentment against the sect that had led the attack against Wei Wuxian, and ‘Mo Xuanyu’ had been sent away in disgrace less than two years before.

As they tried to come up with ideas, there were a few moments where Nie Huaisang looked as if he had thought of something. Each time though, he would take one glance at Lan Wangji, bite his lips, and choose to remain silent.

“Nie-xiong, just tell us what you’re thinking already,” Wei Wuxian ordered when this had repeated too many times.

Nie Huaisang tensed, and opened his fan before shaking his head.

“You wouldn’t like it,” he said. “I don’t like it, and you three will like it even less. We’re not doing that.”

“But you have an idea,” Wei Wuxian insisted.

“I do. But Wei-xiong… aren’t you proof that not all my ideas are good? Efficient, sure, but… not good.”

Lan Wangji shot his husband a look. It was not quite an admission of regret, but compared to the way Nie Huaisang had spoken about what he had done to Mo Xuanyu last time they had seen each other, it was at least progress of a sort.

“I will need to excuse myself to attend my duties,” Lan Xichen cautiously announced, before looking at Nie Huaisang. “If you come with me, you can tell me your idea while I work and we will see together if it really is unsuitable.”

“I already know it is.”

“Tell me anyway,” Lan Xichen insisted. “I will not judge you, you will get it off your mind and it might be easier to think of something else.”

Nie Huaisang threw him a grateful smile as he accepted the offer, and that was that on the matter.

As they rose to their feet to leave, Lan Wangji found himself observing Nie Huaisang. He had definitely changed for the better during their weeks apart, carrying himself straighter, at least now that they were in private, and having lost the near feverish look he had sometimes. The only odd thing to his behaviour was the fact that he hadn't mentioned wanting to see A-Yuan, but even that might just have been that he assumed his request would be denied.

Progress had to be encouraged.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said, turning to the other man. “Would you agree to let Nie Huaisang see A-Yuan, under supervision?”

Both Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian startled at the question, the first gasping softly, the second staring at Lan Wangji with wide eyes, his eyebrows rising.

“Lan Zhan, shouldn't that be your decision?”

“Wei Ying is A-Yuan's father.”

Wei Wuxian's eyes widened even more before narrowing softly as he smiled, a little huff of laughter escaping him.

“Don't say that when I'm looking like this!” he playfully scolded. “How young would I have started these things to already have a son that age! I'd have become a father when I was younger than he is now.”

“Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian's eyes fell on Nie Huaisang who was anxiously staring at him, his fingers toying with the hem of his sleeves.

“Right, right. Aside from the issues of...” Wei Wuxian gestured at himself with a grimace. “Everything else has been explained, hasn't it? These sword tombs and the presence of his brother's remains aren't Nie-xiong's fault, and that's what really worried you, right, Lan Zhan?”

Lan Wangji nodded. After Nie Huaisang's reluctant hints that the spell he intended to use to find his brother's body had dark elements, he had feared that the Ancestral Hall was somehow linked to that. Learning that this had never been his friend's choice removed a weight from his shoulder.

“Then I don't suppose there's any reason to deny him this. A-Yuan seems to miss him anyway. Unless Lan Zhan has his own objections? He's your son as well, I won't make that choice for you.”

This, being told that he was still A-Yuan's father, that his voice had equal weight to Wei Wuxian's when it came to his, to their son, brought a faint smile to Lan Wangji's lips. Perhaps even if Wei Wuxian left and took A-Yuan with him, they would still both return to the Cloud Recesses here and there. Lan Wangji might not have to lose them.

“Under supervision,” Lan Wangji decided. “Until it is certain Huaisang can be trusted. Since Huaisang has done well with brother's help, maybe brother will agree to do this as well?”

Both Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen scowled at him for the suggestion, their reactions so perfectly mirrored that Lan Wangji struggled to hide his amusement.

It wasn't that he thought Nie Huaisang would harm A-Yuan. As Lan Xichen had said the day before, he would rather suffer harm himself than have anything happened to the child he had helped to raise and whom he adored. Forbidding him to be alone with A-Yuan was just a way to state that all was not forgiven yet. As for the choice of asking Lan Xichen to help with this... it appeared these two already spent much of their time together now, surely they would not mind this new excuse.

Lan Wangji knew he had to restrain himself every time he saw Wei Wuxian play with A-Yuan, overcome by the need to offer again his unwanted heart. If his brother was anything like him, his self-control too would be tested, but unlike him Lan Xichen had no rejection to fear.

“I will free the necessary time,” Lan Xichen sighed. “If it can help.”

“Then Huaisang can see A-Yuan,” Lan Wangji announced, only to be nearly knocked off his feet when Nie Huaisang launched himself at him to hug him.

“Thank you!” his husband cried out, holding him too tight and too close. “I've missed him so much, thank you.”

Lan Wangji tolerated the embrace as long as he could, knowing Nie Huaisang never sought contact from him unless necessary, before pushing away his husband while Wei Wuxian watched with quizzical interest. He half expected Wei Wuxian to make a comment or a joke at either of their expenses, but the other man remained quiet for once. He also did not say much while Lan Wangji and Nie Huaisang discussed at what time the latter should see A-Yuan, eventually deciding that he would pick him up at the end of his classes to surprise him. It should perhaps have alerted Lan Wangji that Wei Wuxian was suddenly so quiet, because that usually meant he was thinking of something and nothing good ever came out of that.

All he could think about, though, was how happy A-Yuan would be to have his Nie-ge back at last.

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

Hey, how are you doing? I can't remember in what answered ask I read you say that you think he tian is bi but you actually the very first one that I read that thinks that, and I actually agree with you. But is there any particular reason you think so? Because every time he's talking to girls I never noticed him flirting even before he meet mo, he is always leaving their side to be with mo. (I personally think he's bi because in one early chapter he was reading a magazine with a girl on it)

Good evening, anon-san! I’m doing good, thank you for asking!

“I can't remember in what answered ask I read you say that you think he tian is bi but you actually the very first one that I read that thinks that”

You must be talking about this ask about why I think He Tian said he didn’t want Mo Guan Shan to like him more and more (ch. 160). In the answer, I wondered why HT felt the need to lie about it and suggested that one possible reason could be he was in the middle of figuring out his budding feelings for MGS. That led me to mention I’ve always played with the interpretation that he might be bisexual. For some reason, I haven’t seen many people think along those lines, at least according to the glimpses of fandom discussion I’ve seen.

“But is there any particular reason you think so?”

I’m going to start my answer with a disclaimer of sorts because I know this topic can be a bit of a hot potato. This isn’t aimed at you, dear anon, but rather anyone reading this.

As I mentioned in the previous ask, HT’s sexual orientation hasn’t been explicitly made clear to us, so my reasons are mainly vague gut feelings based on details that could be interpreted in many ways. Also, I’m a bisexual myself which no doubt affects how I’ve arrived at this particular interpretation that intrigues me on a personal level.

So, if anyone disagrees with me on this, I’m nor surprised or bothered by it. As far as I’m concerned, people are free to interpret this matter as they please and no interpretation is somehow superior to others. People have a funny way of agreeing that sexuality is fluid and can’t be judged accurately on someone’s behavior alone, but when it comes to fictional characters the thinking is often very either-or/black-and-white. It seems ambiguity in this regard makes us uncomfortable for some reason.

I’ve also noticed that whenever there’s debating going on about characters’ sexual orientations, it’s often brushed off as “it doesn’t matter”. I somewhat disagree with that line of thinking. First of all, “doesn’t matter” doesn’t mean something can’t be discussed or debated. It could be even said that’s one of the beauties of fictional works; there’s always room for discussion. Secondly, it can matter to someone. Characters aren’t the same as their sexual orientations nor should they be defined based on any one trait, but they do offer important points of representation and make it possible for people to relate. I don’t like HT’s character because of his sexual orientation (whatever it might be), but the possibility of him being bi interests me and adds layers to him in my eyes.

End of disclaimer!

“personally think he's bi because in one early chapter he was reading a magazine with a girl on it”

Canon-wise, that is also my strongest and the most initial reason for thinking HT is also attracted to females. We’ve seen him read those kinds of magazines in two previous chapters so far (ch. 190 and 226):

And I suppose that should tell you how shakeyly based my interpretation is. But I’ve always been a bit confused by the magazines because I’m not sure if there’s some kind of intended cultural reference hidden in them. Are they magazines for guys with sexual/naughty/softcore content (cp. Hustler, Playboy, Penthouse, or Sports Illustrated) or perhaps some kind of comic publications with stories by actual authors that are also meant to titillate your senses (cp. yuri and shoujo-ai publications)? Either way, the covers are clearly meant to attract readers interested in semi-naked females doing suggestive poses.

Of course, reading any kind of magazines doesn’t dictate your sexual orientation but I’d say they at least offer hints on your interests and attractions. And in the absence of anything concrete, I’ve gone with my guts and deduced that HT isn’t reading them just for the plot or cutting edge journalism. He at least doesn’t mind spending some free time looking at pictures of sexy girls.

“every time he's talking to girls I never noticed him flirting even before he meet mo”

Girls and HT also have left me a bit confused. I wouldn’t say he’s flirting with them per se but he also doesn’t seem to mind the attention either (ch. 119, 267, 293):

It’s also been made abundantly clear HT will drop his horde of fangirls at the sight of MGS (or JY before that - which is one of the reasons it’s a popular interpretation that he had a crush on JY) but he’s never rude or annoyed when turning down the girls (ch. 225, 241, 264):

Again, none of that makes HT straight or bi or anything, but he clearly knows how to handle girls (ch. 190):

All of that makes me wonder does HT have prior experiences with girls? Has he had crushes? Or even a girlfriend? Was his kiss with MGS his first time kissing another guy or anyone in general?

I’m not really sure how to answer any of those questions but there’s one thing I’m fairly certain about: As far as we know, MGS is the only romantic interest around whom HT isn’t pretending to be something else. In front of the girls at school, HT puts on his charming smile and plays a polite cool guy, and that distinction was shown to us quite early on (ch. 115):

That might give us hints on his history with girls/romance in general. It’s entirely possible he’s had crushes on girls but I doubt he’s ever let anyone close enough to have an actual relationship with them. It’s never really even been an option and for a good reason, I suppose. I also doubt HT’s plan was to let MGS see his true self either even after he started having feelings for him. Mostly because his objectives with MGS lied somewhere else entirely. But the fact that MGS could handle the other, darker and less-desirable sides of HT as well only made HT fall for him harder.

However, my overall reason for the bisexual interpretation stems from him lying to MGS and why he possibly did that (ch. 160):

Only HT knows why he said that, but I’ve chosen to read it as him being unsure of himself and at a crossroads regarding his identity. He didn’t get involved with MGS because of a crush but at some point, started developing feelings for him. Maybe this was the first time he’s ever been interested in a guy this way, and he needed a minute to sort out his feelings.

Does that make him bisexual either? No, but I relate to the idea of him being confused by his own feelings which makes me interpret his words in that light. Back when my own bisexuality was awakening I didn’t lie anyone about it but I didn’t really talk about it either until I had figured myself out again and reached my resolve. And that’s what I see happening in HT’s head when he said those words to MGS.

In short, the magazines with sexy girls in the covers and HT’s smoothness around girls hint me that he’s not indifferent towards girls but he’s never really been in a relationship with anyone. Also, the fact that he admitted lying about not wanting MGS to like him more and more could indicate he was conflicted back then. Perhaps MGS was the first time HT gained feelings for another guy, and it somewhat took him by surprise.

A lot of “maybe” and “perhaps” and “I feel like...” with a buttload of bias on the side. But I’m happy to hear I’m not alone in thinking HT might be bisexual! \(^_^)/ Thank you for your challenging follow-up question, anon-san!

[spinjitzuhottakes]

Ok so, hey there Ninjago Fandom.

This may seem a bit strange to say hello to a fandom but this is a necessary thing I feel I need to do.

As you have probably guessed from the name of this blog, this is going to be a blog full of personal ninjago takes that I frankly do not feel comfortable about sharing on my main.

Why?

This fandom has a pretty shockingly vocal "anti" fanbase and these are my own opinions that I'd rather not clog my own blog up with. Plus these are opinions that I know may cause some certain types of individuals to get extremely heated about it.

(And for your information, no, this isn't a troll blog and I'm not seeking attention or trying to attack people)

Some people may see this as cowardly, but frankly the fact I need to do this just goes to show how dumb the whole thing is.

Now, onto an introduction

You may call me H.T if for some reason you need to call me something. I've been in fandom culture for a pretty long ass time, long enough to know the old language of fandom culture and that a lot of recent fandom culture and discourse has made me feel old and jaded. I am Biromantic and. Asexual as fuck and have a perpetual burntout state that I'm trying to work through.

I am also in some regards a Proshipper. Figured I'd be upfront and blatant about that cause I'm pretty much gonna assume you guys will label me as one straight off the bat and don't really give a crap if you do. I'm kinda expecting trolls at this point.

This blog will be primarily a Ninjago opinion blog, I've been in and out of this fandom for several years and frankly, I can't tell if anything has changed fandom wise. I am not an avid shipper and I much prefer the found family/friendship dynamic over romantic ships in this place, doesn't mean I don't enjoy some of the art that gets produced though and do have my opinions for some of the canon and noncanon ships.

Finally to finish off this short introduction, I am just going to remind you of what I said earlier.

This blog is gonna be a place that contains certain topics I know this fandom has a dislike and annoyance for. I am going to be talking about my opinions of those topics and I honestly want to encourage others to talk about them as well. If you can't handle the idea of an open discussion or feel extremely uncomfortable about these discussed ideas, I strongly advise you to block me at your own discression. I will change, remove or add tags if any of my discussion contains triggers that are harmful, but I will not be removing opinions of certain things from this blog because people are being narrowminded dumbasses.

I will also be keeping my askbox open and will be encouraging people to ask me questions or even share opinions of their own via ask, and to that reason I will be keeping the anon option avaible to those who just want to keep their identity hidden.

I'm not here to cause mayhem and sow discord, I just want to encourage conversation in this fandom where it seems like a foreign concept. Albiet, its not that horrible considering the things that have happened in other fandoms, but I'm not comfortable to engage in fandom culture in this one I will say.

So, are we clear?

If you don't like what you're reading, block me. In old fandom speak we call that "Don't like, don't read"

Now....let's try to have a conversation okay?

- H.T

[madlori]

I try to be aware and PC and respect others, but it seems that trying to do so is exhausting and there literally is NOTHING that exists that doesn't offend or upset or harm in some way. I'm talking movies, tv shows, actors/actresses, books, etc. At this point I feel like I can't enjoy something that's not problematic in some form or fashion, therefore I can't talk about it without fear of someone getting mad or using it in the future against me. Thoughts?

I think we’ve all felt that way sometimes. Or, you know, all the time.

Rooting out societal prejudices IS exhausting, and it never ends. And you’re right - nothing is perfect. No person, no media, no creative endeavor by humans is perfect.

Callout culture is super toxic, and that’s what you’re reacting to. We shouldn’t have to put an asterisk on enjoying things, an affidavit that yes, we agree and acknowledge that Certain Aspects of Thing or Person are Less Than Ideal. Because everything has that asterisk. If you’re waiting for that One True Thing that will be free of all problematic elements, get ready to wait forever.

You are allowed to enjoy the things you enjoy. Being aware of the things about them that are issues is also good, because seeing them can help you learn things about your own attitudes. Whether you choose to publicly discuss the things about them that are issues is entirely your business and you’re not obligated to do so. 

There’s also something to be said for enforcing your own emotional boundaries. I’m not sure if you’ve been personally criticized for liking something, or just have observed the reactions of others as it scrolls by, but you’re not disallowed from liking something because someone else doesn’t. Other people’s responses can be useful to *inform* your opinions, but you should be careful of letting them *dictate* them. I struggle with this, too. You’re not alone. Also keep in mine that it goes both ways - if someone’s super salty that you like a thing they hate, there’s an excellent chance that THEY like something that YOU hate. 

You don’t have to fight every battle that presents itself to you. You can pick. Each of us has a different capacity for engagement, and it’s not all on you.

Be kind to others. Promote what you love. Engage people in respectful discussion. Listen to and magnify the voices of the marginalized. Let people enjoy things.

But if you want *practical* advice? Avoid blanket statements. Don’t say “This thing is amazing and perfect in every way!” Someone’s gonna have a WHOA THERE reaction to that statement. Especially do not issue blanket statements about any media’s good or bad handling of representation or diversity regarding communities you do not belong to. If you’re not a minority, you shouldn’t be spouting off about how Show X is so great on minority representation. You can say you were glad to see [POC character] in a role, but leave the assessments of the show’s overall performance to people in that community. Magnify those voices. For yourself, be specific and personalize it. Say instead, “The way this character is written really resonates with me, I appreciate that she [whatever].” Or “I just loved the writing in this scene, I thought it was sharp and funny” or “This show makes me feel [whatever way] and I love that it does [thing]” or even “I love this because [person] gives me a happy feeling in my pants [this just in: it’s ok to like stuff for purely prurient reasons].” Because you are allowed to have personal reactions to things. I generally try to avoid expressing opinions in a way that implies that I am espousing any One True Interpretation (well, I try to avoid expressing opinions entirely, but that’s another topic) but in a way that only relates to ME. I sometimes...fail. 

That’s all I got. 

[note: thanks for a few DM pals for helping me with this answer and providing insight on a few of these points]

[lobselvith8]

There are some issues with what you are suggesting. First off, almost the entire Commonwealth views synths negatively. A century of the Institute using synths for horrific purposes has poisoned the well, so to speak. Particularly after the Broken Mask Incident for Gen 3 synths. One news article isn't going to change how people feel overnight any more than such articles dissuade people in the current climate from changing their views on certain groups of people. Let's keep in mind that McDonough became Mayor on an anti-ghoul platform, so these are the kind of people who populate this region of the wasteland. There are Institute infiltrators in places the Railroad is not privy to as well as Coursers to consider, who can wipe out a safehouse because of one wrong move. The Railroad is forced to stay hidden for numerous reasons. Desdemona has made holotapes to try to dissuade people from viewing synths as the enemy prior to her encountering the protagonist.

As for Arcadia, that's only discovered years after the Railroad has been in existence. Don't get me wrong, there are many areas in which I feel that Fallout 4 could have done more. I do wish more was done with Boxer heading to Arcadia in Far Harbor.

Could the base game have done more? Absolutely. I think that the Railroad could have worked with Hancock in some clandestine fashion since he is the only settlement leader who expresses that he has no issue with synths. I think Piper could have published articles by speaking with people like Glory, although that would also make a potential target of her and her sister if the Institute knew that she was aware of the location of the Railroad, and that could have lead to problems that both she and the protagonist could face depending on how she handled those decisions. But even with those efforts being made to change minds, that's not going to remove the dangers that keep the Railroad hidden, and some people aren't going to be dissuaded, as we see with how some treat Nick even after he has literally saved their lives.

Mind-wiping a synth is a hot topic discussion in-game, so it's not like Fallout 4 pretends it's not controversial. Desdemona talks about it with clear reservations while Glory clearly doesn't seem to like it at all when we ask her to permit Curie to inhabit the body of her friend. However, it was grounded that the Railroad can't simply change the minds of some people, some of whom have viewed synths as a dangerous threat since birth.

Like if getting wiped by the Railroad negated the recall code at least then there would be a REASON to get wiped