#seem interesting to me actually I’ll probably watch the halloween special and the ones with grian

[fagkermit]

Just watched a couple episodes out of order and it’s official hes annoying so I’m taking him

[nickmaghighlights]

Nick Mag Highlights - Nick Mag Presents: Danny Phantom (Fall 2005)

Well, well, well, fancy meeting you here. Welcome back to my blog and the words that inhabit it. Today, Halloween comes early this year when we read through another exciting issue of Nickelodeon Magazine Presents, this time all about Danny Phantom. Boo! Trick-or-Treat! Deck the halls!

And not only is this edition of Nick Mag Highlights spooky, it’s also… pretty chill. Y’know? Just takin’ it easy, reading a handful of comics and probably a crossword puzzle or something. As much as I love researching the kind of stuff Nickelodeon Magazine includes in its articles, sometimes it’s nice to sit back and take things at face value and just see what the state of Nickelodeon was like at any given time, and these short-and-sweet issues of Nick Mag Presents are the perfect venue for just that.

But why exactly am I tackling this purportedly Halloween-themed issue in August? Well, mainly it’s because that new Danny Phantom graphic novel just came out… two weeks ago (oops). And I really enjoyed it! So I’ve since been in a big Danny Phantom mood lately. I even ended up re-watching the whole first season and had a blast doing so. This show was a real obsession of mine as a kid, so maybe this blog post is also a way for me to give it its dues.

This issue can be found online here, read along… if you dare!

Another Nick Mag Presents, another humorously wordy introduction. If you’re unfamiliar, basically all these Presents-styled issues have a panel on the first page with a character essentially advertising the book to you and talking about all the comics and activities included inside. This one here features Danny and an understandably perturbed ghost, for example. 

Since these issues were usually sold in stores as opposed to through a mail subscription, I suppose this is the issue’s way of hooking you in and explaining to you why you should buy it. I think a kid would probably be more inclined to just flip through the book and arrive at the same conclusion, but I guess this approach doesn’t hurt anybody.

But anyway, let’s see here… aw, only two wholly new comics? The Fairly Oddparents-themed issue I took a look at previously had five original comics. That’s a bummer, but at least we’ve still got variety… SpongeBob, My Life as a Teenage Robot, and The Wild Thornberrys, oh my! Even Tak makes an appearance here, two years before the premiere of his actual Nickelodeon cartoon, meaning this was an attempt to interest readers in the then-recently released video game: Tak 3: The Great Juju Challenge. Not sure if that worked.

And if you’ll take a look at that yellow, spiky bubble with words on the right there, this September 2005 issue is meant to coincide with the then-upcoming two episode-long Danny Phantom special, “The Ultimate Enemy”, which featured Danny taking on a more powerful version of himself from the future. Seems like the included removable poster is even themed around that very episode! Let’s just hope that poster is still left intact, eh?

So first up, we’ve got a page to get you up to speed on the main cast if you’re new to the show. It’s even got some new factoids for the already familiar superfans! For example: Did you know Sam is into anime? I sure didn’t.

Oh, and if you’re wondering where series villain Vlad Masters is, don’t worry, they go over him later on in the book.

On the right you’ll find an easy if not slightly amusing word puzzle, which tasks you with solving questions where each answer contains the word boo. Simple enough for a kid while still being worth the time, methinks.

Although all the stock ghost art on the page gets me wondering, how come most of the ghosts in the show manifest as typical-looking cartoon ghosts while others manifest in a human form? I guess maybe it comes down to the strength of your spirit. Who’s to say?

You’ve met the characters, now it’s time to meet the voices behind them! I’ll always take a side of interviews with my Nickelodeon Magazine, and this is no exception. The questions are cute, and I had fun reading them. Not much to say.

So we’re finally here at the first comic of the issue, and… not really a fan of this one! Yeah, sorry to start this retrospective off on a sour note but this isn’t really doing it for me. The main villain of this one is Youngblood, who already isn’t exactly one of my favorite villains from the series. But here they’ve got him and all the other characters stuck in a pretty by-the-numbers plot where Danny and co. get stuck babysitting the brat while he tries to maim them, with them of course unable to fight back lest they face the wrath of his parents (who are humongous lizard monsters, for some reason). 

If you’re even a little familiar with cartoons you’ve probably already seen quite a few takes on this formula already. And even if you like Youngblood as a character they don’t have him doing his usual pirate shtick he’s remembered for, so I’m not sure what anyone is getting out of this, really. What's especially not helping is that this goes on for ten pages, further dragging out an already tired concept. 

So there you have it, I guess. Done-to-death story with accordingly done-to-death jokes, a lame villain, and about two pages of action. I will say though, Danny and Tucker’s babysitting poster on page 2 did get a smile out of me, at least.

You’ve met the characters, and you’ve also met the voices behind them, now it’s time to meet… the rest of the characters! The villain ones! These guys really made the show for me, cause the team behind the show really just seemed to understand the assignment and made all of them really unique and memorable.

So we can see they’ve been ranked in terms of how dangerous they all are, which is a fun idea. ‘Course you’ve got Vlad at the top of, but then there’s Technus just behind him? I can’t say I remember him being notably more dangerous than any of the other baddies, I’m fairly certain he gets swept up at the end of his specific episode just like all the rest. I’m pretty sure Valerie gave Danny a bigger run for his money, and she’s down at #3.

Woah now, I’m starting to scrutinize the power levels of cartoon characters. Cartoon characters from a show I haven’t even fully watched all the way through since I was a kid, no less. Better put a stop to that before it gets ugly.

Cool little cartoons on the left there, that one on the top right is properly devious and I’m all for it. All the art is quite lovely too.

The right is… well, it’s Mad Libs, there’s no other way around it. Y’know the Mad Libs website refers to itself as “the world’s greatest word game” but I seriously think they need to take that up with Scrabble, or hell, even Hangman. Yeah I was never a big fan of this kind of fill-in-the-blanks stuff, but I guess it’s a pretty inoffensive activity to include.

Check out Danny’s dad rocking that emo hair.

And now we’ve made it to the second and last new comic for the issue, and unfortunately it’s only a two-pager. But hey, if my thoughts on the previous ten-page comic said anything, it was that I prefer quality over quantity. And this one is… okay. It’s funny enough, does what all it needs to with the concept, and it definitely doesn’t overstay its welcome. I’m again surprised by the lack of action in both of these comics, considering Danny Phantom is an action show, after all, but it’s not like the show wasn’t a comedy either, so it’s not that weird.

I guess while we’re here I could nitpick it a bit. The lineart here courtesy of series creator Butch Hartman* is a bit wonky at times. There’s the aforementioned emo hair Danny’s dad is wearing, but my main gripe is that dog robot just doesn’t really fit in with the rest of the artstyle. It being the only new original character design for this comic as well doesn’t seem like a coincidence to me. I guess the team was fine with whatever Hartman drew because he made the show after all, so surely he knows what he’s doing, right?*

*Insert obligatory comment about how much of a loser Butch Hartman is here.

Just want to give a shoutout to this pretty creative puzzle here. It actually stumped me a little when I first read it! Those monster designs are pretty entertaining too. Solid activity overall.

Next up it’s an installment of Sam Shade, which was a short-lived recurring series in Nickelodeon Magazine. Apparently the series ran from 2002 to 2005, so this may be one of the last times a Sam Shade comic was ever printed in a Nick Magazine. 

These comics mainly consist of the titular Detective Sam Shade trying to solve some mystery, sleuthing around the area in a series of detailed, wordy scenes. Likewise, you as the reader are as well tasked with scouring the pages for clues to help deduce the culprit. Each panel here smoothly moves into the next, making for something like a Where’s Waldo puzzle but with an actual narrative. It’s a really good idea! A shame this series didn’t last longer.

Hey, is that Carl from Jimmy Neutron on the bottom right there?

Pretty nice My Life as a Teenage Robot comic here. Although that’s kind of unfortunate in a way, since that means I haven’t got much to talk about! It’s pretty much a 1-to-1 translation from animation to comic here. The artstyle and writing are both on point, it’s all just in a shorter, more paper-y format.

I wonder why the aliens’ speech bubble has flowers in it. Is that a theater reference, maybe?

The design of these fiery aliens are particularly awesome - simple but effective. I’m surprised they used such a cool design in a comic that was going to be seen by way less people as opposed to using it in the cartoon. Man, this show is so cool, even its supplementary media is stylish!

But anyway, do you want to know how this story ends? Read it yourself!

Ohh man, I distinctly remember this comic. I don’t remember what issue of Nickelodeon Magazine this one is sourced from, but whichever one it was, I had it. The story’s nothing to write home about really, It's another take on the age old tale of “Squidward yells at SpongeBob and Patrick for doing something annoying, so they inadvertently ruin his life”. Squidward must have a really good lawyer for him to be able to bounce back from all the crap SpongeBob and Pat get him into.

This version of the usual story has S. Bob and P. Rick making a cake in Squidward’s image. Mr. Krabs ends up mistaking it for the real Squidward, bringing it to the Krusty Krab, and having it run the cash register, obviously to disastrous results. It’s all pretty par for the course, and there’s some funny lines to be had.

Weirdly though, unless I’m blind, I can’t seem to find any credits for this one. Not in the comic itself or at the back of the book. I’m pretty sure the artist(s) behind this one did more SpongeBob SquarePants comics though, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the same writing team had a hand in them too. I distinctly remember one where all the characters turn into desserts. Or maybe it was an alternate universe where they’re all desserts? Something like that. Maybe I’ll find it and cover it on this blog someday!

And up next, it’s a Wild Thornberrys comic of all things (said with feigned surprise, having read the table of contents moments ago). And I’m just now realizing none of these comics have anything to do with ghosts, or horror, really. Quite the magazine you’ve got just in time for October, Nickelodeon!

But hey, it’s not right to judge a piece of art specifically by the context in which it is presented. Especially when it was originally published in a magazine that likely came out years earlier, probably not even around the month of October. Desperate times call for desperate measures and all that, even when it comes to filling the pages of a magazine.

This comic is especially cool, anyway, as you can no doubt tell from its distinct shakeup in style!

The story has Eliza receiving some gifts from her Japanese friend, Mayumi (who was probably in the show, presumably), one of those gifts being a homemade manga. And while I’m not exactly an expert on the Japanese arts, I certainly find this art convincing and really appreciate the attention to detail. I bet any kids that were fans of manga around this time must have felt pretty seen to have one of their hobbies referenced in a rather unlikely place, and with such attention to detail no less.

One thing I can also appreciate is that this story really isn’t something they could have pulled off in the show itself (unless they studio really wanted to have an anime-themed episode and go through the undertaking of doing an episode in an entirely different, foreign animation style all on their usual budget), so overall this is a really fun idea done quite flawlessly. My only gripe is we don’t get to see a manga-styled Nigel Thornberry, but what can you do?

Oh boy, the Tak comic, cool. Now, I know these games have their fans, but I can’t say I’m one of them. I did watch the show a bit though, but I’ve heard it has nothing to do with the games, so I guess that makes me rather unprepared to tackle this two-page comic on an intellectual, researched level. I will say though that I think the Sam Shade comic from earlier pulled off this style of free-flowing, no-panel storytelling to a much greater effect. The amount of Taks they threw around the page makes it feel really busy and cramped, and they had to essentially remove the second character Tak is traveling with from the story since I guess they were strapped for page space.

But yeah, the colors are nice at least, and Tak media is especially hard to come by nowadays, so I suppose if I were more into the property, I might be more into this.

Last comic of the day, and it’s Jimmy Neutron. At least this one kinda fits the theme, I mean, aliens are almost in the same horror-league as vampires, zombies, ghosts, and all that. This is a pretty quality one to end off the book with, and in regards to Jimmy Neutron, this is one of the better ways these characters have been translated to 2D. Although the incredibly warm colors and harsh shadows throw me for a loop. Pretty good overall!

Before we wrap things up, I would like to mention that advert for The Nicktoons Film Festival on the right. I totally forgot these used to be a thing! From 2004 to 2009 Nickelodeon hosted a film festival and let viewers vote for their favorite animated short, along with letting proper animation people who know what they’re talking about vote on their favorites, too. Lots of great up-and-coming cartoonists took part in these festivals. This one in 2005 actually featured a short by J. G. Quintel that eventually was used as a basis for his own Cartoon Network show, Regular Show! You can check the short out below:

Neat bit of history there, yeah?

Even though I’m still a bit disappointed this issue didn’t include more original content, I still think this ended up being a fairly entertaining walk down memory lane. And hey, I hope you had a good time too. I’m doubly disappointed, however, that the archive of this issue didn’t come with that tear-out poster! Now we’ll never see it in its full hi-def glory.

As always, thanks for stopping by and checking out another bit of Nick history with me. Have yourself a good one, and I’ll see you all next time!

[ssadumba55]

Worried (Buzz Lightyear X Reader)

Request: Hi! So sorry to bother you about this. A long while ago I sent a request for Buzz Lightyear x toy reader taking place in the Halloween short where they encounter the iguana. Did you by any chance get it? Or did tumblr eat it?

A/n: A few notes on this before you read, I did not want the reader's story to take away from Jessie's story overcoming her anxieties/PTSD and finding a way to manage it which is why I left the plot of the special alone and mostly intact and added reader as a secondary thing to it. As such, reader and Buzz don't actually interact much until the end, so apologies for that. But I did have fun writing it and I hope it's somewhat what you wanted. I also just love writing sibling! Woody which is why there is a lot of Woody content. Thanks for inspiring me to watch this great short again anon!

Sometimes, you have to admit, your friends aren't the smartest. Especially when they’re scared it seems. As soon as Mr. Potato Head left Bonnie’s suitcase to do some exploring, you knew that this was going to be a long night. While the others panicked and scared themselves half to death, you slipped away.

There had to be a logical solution to all of this and you were going to find it. The motel was creepy at night in the dark, but you wandered the halls searching for any sign of something odd or strange. Nothing really caught your eye or stood out to you as odd, the whole place was strangely quiet.

Bonnie did a lot of traveling, even before Andy’s toys showed up but you’d never been in a motel this quiet at night. It was eerie. Suddenly, you wished you hadn’t left without telling Buzz or even Woody or Jessie where you were going. They were going to be worried sick about you, most of all Buzz. You wouldn’t call what the two of you had a relationship (not yet anyway) but there was something between you. All of the other toys saw it and he had a tendency to get overprotective when situations like this happened-

There was the sound of a bell and footsteps in the distance and it piqued your interest.

It was the first sound you’d heard all night. Clearly, there was something happening in the motel lobby. Racing down the hall, you stopped near the desk, waiting to hear if there was a conversation happening between two humans but the room was as silent as the rest of the building.

Then, the motel manager’s voice broke through the silence.

“Hmm. One of those Potato Head toys… They don’t make them like this anymore, I’m sure we could fetch a penny or two for this. Nice find, Jones.”

Potato Head! Looking around the room to make sure there was nobody around, you jumped just barely managing to grab the edge of the desk and hoist yourself up. Thankfully, there were a bunch of boxes stacked on the counter, it looked like somebody had a lot of mail to send out the next day. You slid behind the boxes, poking out from behind slightly to get a look at what was going on.

The manager was placing Potato Head in a glass compartment. As he did this, the bell sound rang again and he turned around, clearly slightly surprised.

“More, huh?” You watched him kneel next to a basket, eyes narrowed as he picked up Trixie, Rex and Mr. Pricklepants. He lifted them and brought them out of your field of vision, though you could hear the snap of a camera. Hmm. So he was selling these toys?

Quietly, you crawled into one of the empty boxes and laid down among the packing peanuts. When he’s gone, I’ll sneak over there and over the cabinet for everybody.

You laid there listening as the bell was rung three more times. Woody. Buzz. Jessie. The sounds of footsteps passed multiple times, but you were never exactly sure when was the right time to jump out. Sometimes, if you strained your ears you could hear the toys in the cabinet arguing, probably about how to best get themselves out.

Just as you were thinking that maybe it was a good idea to jump out and proceed with the rescue plan, a robotic voice spoke loudly from what you assumed was the man’s computer.

“You have a sale!”

There was an uneasy feeling in your stomach as you heard the man exclaim 2000 dollars. 2000 dollars for what? Was it one of your friends? You remained hidden under the packing peanuts, then realized that might not have been your smartest idea as the box was lifted and you were jostled slightly. Something was placed atop you, on the packing peanuts, followed by his voice once more.

“Happy Trails, cowboy Andy…” And then the box was sealed. The two of you remained still and motionless as he carried the box back to what you assumed was the front counter. Then, as soon as his feet receded, you pushed Woody off of you. He startled slightly, rolling over to the opposite side of the box. There wasn’t a lot of room in here, but there was enough for you both to lay comfortably with a little bit of extra space.

You couldn’t see his face, but Woody was clearly annoyed with being kicked. “Ouch! Who did that?”

“It’s me, I’ve been in here the whole time!”

“(Y/n)? You’ve been in here the whole time? Buzz is worried sick about you! Thought you already got sold off but we didn’t see your picture on the wall.”

A sinking feeling hit you in the gut, maybe it hadn’t been a good idea to go wandering off all alone. You’d thought you could save your friends all on your own, but you’d only wound up getting yourself stuck in a box with Woody. Some help you’d been.

“I thought I could help, but I couldn’t find a window enough to jump out and help you guys,” you admitted, staring up at the top of the box. You were grateful for the darkness, so he couldn’t see your face and you couldn’t see his.

Since the gang arrived in Bonnie’s room, you’d had a difficult time trusting them and even now that you considered them friends, sometimes you still found yourself believing you had to do everything on your own.

It was a tough habit to break, but slowly the walls were coming down. Still, laying here you knew what it looked like to Woody. What it would look like to the others. That you still didn’t trust them to get you out of situations like this.

“Help me find a way out of this,” Woody nudged you, “there has to be a way out!”

He pushed against the top of the box and you let him, feeling around with your fingers the bottom of the box, under all the packing peanuts.

“It’s no use!” He sighed in frustration, giving one last annoyed shove against the top of the box. You made an equally annoyed grunt, letting him know that you were no more successful in your endeavors than he was.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, starting to feel slightly worried. You’d never had a problem with tight spaces or anything like that, but with no way out here, you were starting to understand why Jessie did. There was no way you and Woody were making it out of here on your own. All the other toys were locked up tight in the cabinet. You were never going to see Bonnie again…

“This is all my fault, if I had just stayed with you guys…”

“Then you would’ve been taken too.” 

“But Buzz wouldn’t be worried about me, at least. And maybe I could’ve helped get us out of that cabinet!”

Woody shifted slightly, clearly trying to find a more comfortable position in the tight space. “There’s nothing you could’ve done, trust me. I’m glad you’re here, we can still find a way out of this and save the others. From the outside, you and me can reach the handle and-”

“Shh! I think someone’s coming!”

You’d heard muffled sounds the entire time, and the two of you had mostly been ignoring them but now you heard the sounds of footsteps creeping closer to your box.

“Okay!” They responded to somebody far in the distance, someone you couldn’t hear and then, your box was lifted and placed somewhere else.

Uneasy, you moved your hands in the packing peanuts restlessly and Woody found your arm in the dark. He squeezed your arm gently.

“Even if we don’t make it out of here, when we get to where we’re going we can find our way back to Bonnie. There’s nothing we can’t do if we work together, so don’t panic!” His voice was hushed because he wasn’t sure if they were still being carried but it calmed you down as your box was placed somewhere else. The two of you laid still once more, now content with the knowledge that even if you ended up miles away from Bonnie, you’d still somehow find a way back.

The sound of the mail carrier coming back and forth could be heard through the box and you listened quietly. You wondered if Buzz would miss you if you never ended up coming home. Or would he mount a rescue mission from wherever he was like he had for Woody in that story they always tell.

Woody’s hand remained on your arm, grounding you and-

“Woody! Woody!” Jessie’s voice cut through the silence the two of you were sat in, she was clearly on a mission to find her friend. Relief flooded through you as Woody pushed once more against the top of the box with all his might, you helped him.

“Jessie! Jessie, over here!” You hoped his voice carried and, thankfully, it seemed like it did because a moment later the flaps were opened. Sunlight! Ah, you’d never take that for granted again!

The two of you sat up immediately as Jessie laughed, slightly breathlessly.

“(Y/n)! You’re here too! Where’d you come from?” She asked slightly confused, as Woody climbed out of the box.

He frowned, pointing back in the direction of the motel. “We can catch up later, the guys are going to need our help.”

The three of you hurried into the vents, racing back as fast as you could to the room with the glass cabinet where all of your friends were being held. From then on, everything seemed to happen too fast for you to comprehend. Woody and Jessie both seemed to have different ideas in mind to save the day, but it was Jessie’s quick thinking in the end that wound up saving everybody.

Bonnie and her mom collected all of you (much to your relief), returning you to the safety of the bag in the trunk. Now, with time to finally not worry about the people walking by and disturbing the toys, you all came to life. Immediately, Buzz was all over you.

“You’re not hurt are you? I mean, we didn’t see you so we assumed the lizard got to you and-” His hands were on your shoulders, something he was only barely able to do seeing as you were just a tad bit taller than he was.

You patted his hands with your own. “Relax, Buzz. I’m fine. I was a little scared when Woody and I got sealed in that box but he helped me calm down. Sorry I scared you all by wandering off on my own… I really wanted to help!” 

You still felt guilty for worrying them all but Buzz pulled you into a crushing hug. You were grateful you had no bones to be broken.

“All that matters is you’re safe,” he mumbled to you, just quiet enough so that the other toys who were potentially hurt couldn’t hear. You kissed his cheek and he spluttered, pulling back slightly in surprise at the sudden display of affection.

You grinned. “I’m glad you’re safe too, space ranger.”

He stared at you and you met his eyes, holding his gaze for a bit before you were about to pull away when he once more pulled you closer to him, this time though connecting your lips. Funny how it was your first kiss and yet it felt so right, like you’d done it a hundred times before that.

“Gross! Get a room guys!” Woody’s voice cut through the special moment and Buzz did pull away to pull you to a more secluded part of the trunk.

Maybe this motel trip had been good for something after all.

[boldlyvoid]

Intro to Criminal Minds: Why They Did It

Criminal Minds x MINDHUNTER AU

Spencer Reid x Margaret Carr (OC)

Part 1: Ed Kemper.

Summary: Spencer is teaching a 7-week seminar on the most interesting criminal cases, explaining their actions to understand why they took place. Only, not everyone in the audience is a student.

warnings: graphic details of a real rape and murder case, like every trigger in the book, applies to this fic so read with caution (if you watch either show you're used to it, however), it's all real and did actually happen and I don't support any of it. strangers to lovers, mutual pining, flirting, fluff, eventual smut, idiots in love, OC is Wendy Carr's daughter, her bio father is Jason Gideon

word count: 3.9K

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't having fun teaching.

He started with guest speaking, moving to special seminars a few times a year. But he wanted something more, settling for a 7-week criminal justice elective of his choosing.

Intro to Criminal Minds: why they did it. Giving Spencer an excuse to share the most intimate facts about serial offenders in a setting where no one could tell him to shut up.

14 students total signed up for the two-hour Seminar, taking place every Thursday at 11 am from September until Halloween. Over the 7 weeks, he would explain the fascinating insights of the most successful killers in the United States. Only asking that his students write about a prolific crime they find interesting by the end of term, for their full grade.

All he wanted was to read about obscure killers from around the world, from the perspective of aspiring profilers.

The first Thursday, he came prepared with his coffee a half hour before the class. He wanted to write the main points on the whiteboard in advance, nice and neatly.

To his surprise, a student was already there waiting for him. "Oh, hello,” he smiled softly.

She was sitting with a book in her hands, she pushed her glasses up her nose to look at him as he walked in. She was older than his typical student, around 35. Probably finishing up a degree or adding something to what she already had.

"Hi," she smiled at him. “Sorry, I’m early, I was visiting my mom at Quantico earlier.” She explained. "I'm not a teacher's pet or anything. Promise, I’m not even a student.”

It made him laugh slightly, correcting him like she read his mind. "It's okay, I'm Doctor Reid," he introduced himself softly.

“Margaret Carr, Peggy is also fine.”

"Pleasure to meet you," he said quickly before focusing his attention on the whiteboard.

He could feel her eyes on him the whole time he wrote, not wanting to turn around and catch her. "That's so interesting," he heard her mumble under her breath.

"Hmm?" He turned around.

"It's just that, everyday occurrences that never phase the regular person somehow cause psychopaths to kill," she read the board back to him.

"I was reading a study a while back about how psycho killers medulla oblongata is approximately 19% smaller than the average human’s. Based on the way they're nurtured as children affects if they grow up to kill. The ones that don't often end up in law enforcement and other positions of power where their psychopathic tendencies can come to play."

He was taken aback for a moment. He had never experienced a student who was like him before. Someone who just pulled facts into conversations like it was nothing.

"I read that as well," he smiled. "It is fascinating. The smallest amount of bullying and abuse from a mother or disappearance of a father figure can set them off."

"Or, on the other hand, there are people like Ted Bundy," she added. "He was well-loved and taken care of, but it went to his head. His god complex and affinity for lying led him to be incredibly charismatic and enabled his killing."

"You're very educated on this already; are you just interested in hearing me speak today?" He asked, not wanting her to leave, finding it interesting that she was there.

"Oh," she blushed. "I was going to talk to you more about it after the seminar actually."

“Okay, I’ll be waiting for you,” he felt a little giddy at the prospect.

"Thanks," she laughed. "Seriously though, I'm a big fan of your teaching style, I saw a few of your classes when my dad was teaching at the academy in 2005. It's a lot easier to remember facts if the lecturer genuinely loves what they're talking about."

"You're going to like this Seminar then. It’s basically just a way for me to get paid while unloading all the random facts I have,” he warned her with a smile.

"I know." She smiled back at him.

The rest of his students filed in slowly. By 11 am, 14 faces were staring back at him.

"Hello," he waved awkwardly. "I'm dr. Spencer Reid. For the last 12 years, I've worked with the FBI's Behavioural Analysis Unit. Catching serial offenders across the country."

He took a deep breath, letting the nerves find their way out of him. "I've been asked time and time again who my favourite serial killer is, which is a peculiar way to phrase the question. It feels morally wrong to have a favourite in the way people do with baseball players.

"I am, however, fascinated with several serial offenders' reasoning and explanation for why they did what they did. Every single killer is different, but it all comes back to 1 thing. Do you know what that is?"

They all shook their heads. “What is your relationship with your parents like?" He asked. 

Everyone in the room reacted; some students sighed, some rolled their eyes as they recalled their parents and childhoods to memory.

"When a person decides to kill, it's often never in the moment. It's in childhood. The majority of serial offender's stories start the same; their mother didn't love them, their father left. Someone at home abused them or put them down repeatedly."

"Thus, causing a hatred so primal to bubble. No matter how hard they try and fight it, the bubble always bursts. They go from fantasizing to killing in retaliation for their abuse, taking the anger out in stages."

He referred to the board. "Every killer has a stressor and a trigger��something that causes the urge to bubble and the event that causes the bubble to rupture.”

"Edmund Kemper is a fascinating example of this. He grew up with a family for the first few years of his life before his father fully abandoned them. His mother handled the situation by turning her anger onto her son; it was his fault his father left, he looked just like him, Ed was just another useless man who would never amount to anything," he emphasized the words. Hoping the class sees the effects words have on children.

"He started by cutting up dolls, stealing his sister's barbies and cutting their heads off. In his mind, he was getting out his anger and hatred for how his mother saw him. She hated men, causing him to mature with a warped idea of what women are truly like."

"His attraction to killing worsened his mother's hatred; she could tell something was wrong with him, that he didn't react to everyday situations the way he should. By the time he was ten, she was locking him in the basement for days on end, telling him he was a monster and her biggest regret."

"The change in her rage amplified his own. He hated hearing her speak. He hated the way she walked around, thinking she was better than him. That just because she was a mother and a working woman, she deserved respect and submissive’s. All he could see was a woman with a big head who needed to be humbled. This is the moment when the psychotic side of his brain blended his hatred of his mother with how good it felt to kill."

"Is that why he, you know?" Peggy cut in, running her finger along her neck as she pretended to cut her head off.

He pressed his lips together in an awkward smile, nodding. "His signature, as it's called, was decapitation. But more specifically necrophiling the severed head of his victims."

The whole class let out a disgusted noise, Peggy and Spencer making eye contact while they shrugged, it wasn't news to them.

"At age ten, he moved from barbies to cats and dogs, never leaving them around for his mother to see. While he hated her, he was also absolutely terrified of her. Breading a special type of killer. When you think of school shooters or preferential predators, what do they have in common?" He asked.

He pointed at a student in the back. "They have a specific type of victim they’re after?"

"Exactly. Most serial offenders want to go after the cause of their pain or attraction. However, Ed wasn't able to kill the source of his rage for a long time. His mother mentally abused him so intensely that he believed she was in control of him and that her opinion of him mattered. He saw her as his God, he loved her, but he also knew that he disappointed her.

"He ran away soon after to find his father. Travelling to California, only to be told he was unwanted there as well. It wasn't just his mother that his father was escaping; it was the fundamental aspect of family that he didn't want. Ed defiantly didn't want to go back to his mother after that, so he moved in with his paternal grandparents."

He kept catching the looks on Peggy's face. She knew the story already, waiting patiently to hear the words he chose to make the horrific acts seem a little more conversational.

"His grandmother was exactly like his mother. If I had to guess, his father most likely had a distaste for his own mother and thus divorced Ed's mom. Only he never grew up to be a killer, just an absent father—his absence doing to Ed what never happened to him."

"Ed killed his grandparents when he was 15. Telling the police and his therapists that they had beaten him constantly, they refused to feed him and called him names. He said he snapped from the trauma; it was self-defence."

Peggy laughed to herself, making him smile softly. "Sending him to a mental hospital instead of a juvenile facility was the worst thing they could've done for him," Spencer added.

"Why?" A student asked.

"Ed is a psychopath." He reminded them. "He doesn't feel empathy the way we do. You can admit that you feel bad for him, yes? If you understand why he killed people, it doesn't make you sick, like him, it makes you human. You see a hurt person hurting others; Ed Kemper sees himself as a new sort of God, choosing who dies, how and when."

"He was brilliant, having the exact IQ as I do," just a humblebrag, "the staff trusted him. He looked like an innocent boy, smart enough to take matters into his own hands for the betterment of his life. They gave him computer privileges, they let him work the front desk and file patient information. Giving him all the resources to learn about who he was inside and how to get away with it perfectly."

"Damn," another kid added. "When did he get out?"

"At 21.” He answered the student quickly. “Ed was interviewed by my mentor Jason Gideon, in the 70s. Where he explained that being locked up during his sexual prime, as well as the access to information, is what truly set him off more than his mother.

"He moved back in with her and his sister when he came out of the institution, immediately returning to the constant ridicule. He went from being told all the time that he was a smart and charming young man, capable of rehabilitation to a useless, no-good son, who would have been better off collecting in a condom or running down her leg."

The whole class laughed, shocked at his repetition of Ed's mother's words.

"He got his licence when he was released. And remember, this was prime time for hitchhiking in California; everyone and their mother walked the roads with a thumb in the air. It was the birth of free love and recreational marijuana usage. It was also the best hunting ground for a learning serial killer."

"He was able to pick women up, but like I said, missing his sexual prime while in an institution made him almost impotent. He didn't know how to speak to women; he had to create a fantasy in his mind every time, one that involved killing, before he could look at a woman."

"How did he get them in his car then?" A voice asked from the back.

"He was 6'9, 300lbs; he looked like a big teddy bear. And his mother was the local college administrative assistant, so the whole town knew him anyway. If Ed offered to give them a ride, it wouldn't be that bad, right?" Peggy turned around to face the class as she explained for Spencer, who just shook his head.

"He only wanted to rape the victims, originally," Spencer added. "But he couldn't. There was no release of the tension. The bubble that had been growing inside him was at its breaking point; he needed to just do it. Get it over with and move on."

"He killed 6 women in succession after that. Gaining the name "The Co-Ed Killer," well before anyone even suspected Ed Kemper," Spencer took a sip of coffee, feeling his throat start to dry as they reached the insane part.

"He was overly friendly with the cops; he wanted to get his record expunged and join the force.” Spencer finally continued. “Being told, "don't worry about your record, worry about your weight.""

"Most killers enjoy wearing a uniform for the power and talking to the police about their cases, in the hopes of gauging how smart they really are—taking pride in the fact that they are getting away with it for so long."

"He watched all the cop shows, and he read all the books. He knew that in order to get away with it, he had to do it where no one could trace it back to him. He knew he had to keep his cool and avoid looking obsessed with the case, but just curious enough to gain insight into how they thought he was doing it. It went on for years, and they had absolutely zero leads, finding headless bodies every few months before they finally received a call." He left them hanging, walking over to his sheet of paper and pretending to read it while they anticipated the catch.

"Ed always knew that he wanted to kill his mother. He just never knew when,” Spencer teased the story along. Noticing as the students fidgeted in their seats as they wondered what happened next.

“In his interview with Gideon, Ed said that he knew she would die 7 days before he killed her. He walked into her room that night to find her reading, with the audacity to ask if he wanted to come in and chat all night. Teasing him for the way he rambled to her. It was the last time she ever did that."

"It's hard to imagine his signature with the fact his second last victim was his mother," Peggy added, cringing at the thought.

"Wait," another student interjected. "Who was his last kill then if he only really wanted to kill her?"

"Remember how I said he lacked empathy?" Spencer asked. "He loved his mother in the same way a prisoner can end up loving their captor."

Peggy nods at the comparison, looking like she's never thought of it that way before, then smiling at him.

"You grow a bond through the trauma and when the only thing you've ever known is violence and hate, you don't know what to do when that's gone, it's hard to cope."

"He said he killed his mother so that she never had to know what he did. She'd never have to sit at his court hearings or be able to tell the media that she always knew he was a killer."

"His last kill was his mother's best friend," He finally answered the question.

"He didn't want his mother to be even more disappointed in him, but he also didn't want his mother's best friend to find her like that and be upset. So the obvious answer to him was to kill her too."

"What the fuck?" He heard a couple of kids say under their breath.

"Yeah," he agreed with an almost chuckle. "This is what I mean by their answers are fascinating. It makes so much sense to them; clearly, if I kill my mother, her friend will be upset, so the best answer would be to put her out of her misery as well. He sees them as objects, like a matching set. One would lose value without the other."

Everyone was silent then. The students took in all the information they had just received, staring up at him with a look of disgust mixed with wonder.

"Any questions?"

Peggy raised her hand for a change; he pointed towards her in approval. "You missed the part where he specifically took the heads from the three women before his mother and brought them back home with him. He buried them in the yard outside her bedroom window, making sure they were always looking up to her."

Spencer was amazed that she knew the details. "Yes, I guess I did."

"I always found that part particularly interesting in this case," Peggy added. "Her opinion mattered so much to him. He knew how much she loved her co-ed's and how they looked up to her so much. They'd be exactly like her. He felt trapped in a town of women who were exactly like his nightmare, and his response was to make them physically look up to her for the rest of her life."

"Exactly." Spencer smiled. "understanding how he sees the situation and how the events played out in his mind is the key in figuring out who he is."

"If you were on the case in '72 when the first victims were discovered, how would you have handled it, Dr. Reid?" A male student in the back asked in the silence between answers, taking his shot before Peggy and Spencer went any further in their discussion.

“That's a hard thing to answer, connecting evidence back then was a lot harder than it is today, if it wasn’t for men like Ed there wouldn’t really be this many answers,” Spencer said honestly.

Another student put her hand up, “what’s the worst thing he did in your opinion?”

That racked his brain, there was a handful of horrific things he did that were particularly horrific, “probably his mother's entire murder.”

“What did he do?”

Before Spencer could answer he saw Peggy open her mouth and start explaining. “He not only cut off her head and fucked her neck, but he also took her vocal cords out and shoved them down the garbage disposal. And before he called the cops, he cleaned everything up and made her look presentable because he said his mother wouldn’t want guests to see the mess.”

The class all cringed, sinking into their seats with disgust. But that didn’t stop Peggy from explaining it all further.

“He used to go to a bar all the cops went to and he would talk about his case. They would always one-up themselves and say they were close which gave him this false idea that they were on his tail and they’d find his mother soon. But when they didn’t, he called it in from a payphone and said he’d come over and explain it all. And boy did he ever, the cops said he wouldn’t shut up. And then when they put him in the cop car finally, a woman walked past him and he threw up.”

Spencer watched her with awe, the way she could call information to memory like that was beautiful. He listened to her like he’s never heard a fact before, she was so intriguing.

“Thank you for the detail,” he teased her lightly. “Sometimes I get so caught up that the really gross parts get swept aside.”

The class smiled at him, he had gained their trust and attention within only 1 hour of class.

“I know you said you don’t have a favourite,” another student asked from the back. “I agree it’s weird, but who is the one you gravitate towards the most?”

“I’ve met hundreds of serial killers, I’ve read about thousands,” he explained. “I think Ed Kemper is the one I gravitate the most around because he was so willing and open to explaining why he is the way he is. Going as far as to say that the only way they could keep women safe is to give him a lobotomy. He didn’t believe there was any correcting to be done, only removal of the evil within him.”

He heard slight mumbles as everyone took in what he said. “Does anyone here have a killer or a case that interested them in learning more, or just introduced you to the chase of justice?”

Peggy put her hand up, “I personally think BTK is the scariest, most tactical, and just downright evil man to ever exist. He scares me to no end but he’s so interesting to learn about.”

“Ahh,” Spencer agreed. “Too bad you won't be here for week 3. But with that I think I’ll end the class, next week we’ll be discussing the difference between Ted Bundy and Richard Speck.” He nodded lightly, watching the majority of them close their books and had on out.

“I really enjoyed the class,” she said softly. Holding her purse in one hand, a collection of files in the other.

Spencer turned to look at her then, smiling right back. “It was a pleasure to teach alongside you.”

“What do you mean?” She teased, “it’s not like my mom and dad were the ones who did all the interviews."

“Carr,” he repeats her last name. The gears turning in his mind as he brings all the information forth.

“Your mother is Wendy Carr, she was recruited after the BTK case with Bill Tench, she’s who was behind that study you mentioned.”

“I know,” she smiled.

“Who’s your father?”

“Guess,” she looked at him with an unimpressed look on her face, pushing her glasses up slightly.

“You’re kidding? Gideon never said he had a daughter let alone a,” he stops himself before he can embarrass himself any further.

She smiled at the implication of his words, “but he’s told me all about you Dr. Reid, that’s why I'm here.”

“You need help with a case and I’m the only agent in Virginia currently,” he pressed his lips together awkwardly. Knowing it was too good to be true that she would have any interest in him in the slightest.

“No actually, I have a case I’ve been working on privately and I need some help. I asked my dad but he said you’d be able to help me the best. I agree,” she corrected him softly. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I was a big fan of yours. When I would sit in and watch his lectures, before he knew I was his kid, you would always step in at the best parts, adding the smallest details to the story that the average person would forget. It’s magnificent.”

He laughed slightly, tugging at his collar as she complimented him. “Thank you, you’re quite magnificent as well,” he replied with a blush and a smile

She didn’t look like Gideon, probably because she smiled so much. Like sunshine on legs, she beamed, all but blinding him with her smile as she stared at him, “do you want to get lunch and go over this case with me?”

“I’d love to.”

taglist: (message me if you want to be added or removed)

@shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @calm-and-doctor @blanchardsbk

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

happy halloween, m | myg

pairing(s): yoongi x reader

summary: Min Yoongi always thought you were like the plague. Always there, tainting everyone with lust. This night wasn’t special. It was just a stupid Halloween party. Or so he thought, until he ended up in bed with you.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language, alcohol, smut (fem reader, f-receiving oral, vanilla sex); non-idol!AU (university AU); (mostly) Yoongi’s POV

--

Min Yoongi regretted coming to this Halloween party.

But that's how it was. When he was here, he hated it and when he wasn't, he regretted not going. He couldn't exactly say no to Kim Seokjin either. They were close friends, after all. So, here he was.

He stood in a corner, nursing his beer and wishing it was whiskey. Someone had smashed the bottle throughout the mess that was this university party. Yoongi couldn't understand how people could be so stupid. It wasn't like alcohol changed you as a person - it just revealed who you really were.

And people were stupid. 

He was dressed as a very half-hearted vampire. Black suit, black shirt, with red lip-liner drawn as blood down one side of his mouth. Yoongi's creativity was used on his music, not Halloween costumes. He rubbed his forehead and wondered where Seokjin was. Or Jung Hoseok. Or Kim Namjoon. Or Park Jimin. Or Kim Taehyung. Or Jeon Jungkook, who shouldn't be in some nonsense because that kid was too young. Shit. Yoongi should at least keep an eye on him. He downed his beer and turned around. 

A white, pointed beak nearly poked his eye out. 

Yoongi started, almost stumbling. What kind of mask was that again? He had seen it before, maybe in a movie. Bird-like, white, eyes shrouded by tinted circular lenses, and the mask covered the whole face. A black wide-brimmed hat was perched on top. The long black trench coat covered the body of whoever it was. 

Ah! It was a plague doctor mask. 

Yoongi frowned and waved awkwardly at whoever it was before trying to move to the side to walk past. The person moved to block his way. Yoongi’s brows furrowed. The mask tilted and he felt a sudden sense of unease. The person was wearing some kind of hood that covered the hair and skin underneath the mask. 

"Can I get past you, please?" he said impatiently. 

There was an unsettling pause. It was punctuated by loud music and the sound of someone vomiting. Gross. 

"I don't know, can you?"

Yoongi froze. Even if the voice was muffled, he knew that voice. The voice that taunted and teased him all throughout high school, the voice that belonged to pretty lips and a sharp tongue, the voice that got under his skin and invaded his thoughts every time he...

"You."

You smiled underneath the mask. Yoongi couldn't see, but he could guess. Even though the lenses of the mask were tinted, you could see him pretty well. He didn't look thrilled to see you. 

Yoongi sneered. "You're not the type to cover up on these occasions." He meant the party.

"Still more effort than your... attempt." You made sure to pause in between your words. 

Yoongi's annoyance was getting the better of him. "Yeah, well, I'm not trying to pick up some poor sack of meat that'll probably get discarded before the morning."

You tilted your head in amusement. "You act like you speak from personal experience."

Yoongi frowned. "I would never touch you."

He couldn't tell your expression at all behind the mask. It was frustrating to say the least. Not to mention just hearing your voice was already reminding his body of what you looked like. How many times had Yoongi seen you at high school parties, in someone else's lap, whispering sweet nothings as if you actually cared? Then you catch his eye every time and smirk. You never had sweet nothings to tell him. You never tried to sit in his lap. But you always, always caught him staring at you.

And that pissed him off.

"How many since school started, hm?" Yoongi snapped, not bothering to hide his disapproval. "Ten? Twenty? A record high?"

The bird mask gave him no satisfactory expression. 

"And you?" 

Yoongi felt an icy shiver slide down his back. You raised your black-gloved hands, spreading your fingers out. Then, you began to name names. One after the other, putting down a finger each time. Maybe no one else could hear over all the noise, but Yoongi could. Yoongi could because he knew those names. He stiffened and winced as you listed each girl.

“Stop.” He reached out and grabbed your hands, trying to shove them down. “Stop it.”

“I thought you would never touch me,” you remarked coldly.

He recoiled as if he was on fire. Your tone of voice was disapproving. For some reason, it really bothered him. How you knew all their names was beyond him. Yoongi suddenly felt ashamed, as if he had done something wrong. It wasn’t his number of one-night stands that bothered him. It was the fact that you seemed disappointed somehow, even though he couldn’t see your face.

“How... how did you know?” he muttered, not looking at you.

You stared at his defeated form. You reached up and lifted your hat. The mask was removed and you pushed the hood back before placing the hat back on your head.

“I like keeping tabs on you, Yoongi,” you said calmly, the side of your mouth curving upwards. “As long as you had fun, what’s the harm?”

Yoongi looked up to glare at you. He froze. You weren’t wearing much makeup. He hadn’t expected you to be so beautiful bare-faced, mostly because he didn’t want you to be. It made things… complicated. Your face had the usual smirk, eyes twinkling with mischief.

“But, to make it fair, I will tell you my number is two,” you said nonchalantly. “One, Kim Seokjin.”

Yoongi’s eyes widened. Your smile grew and it infuriated him now that he could see your face.

“He actually invited me to the party, if you’re curious why I’m here,” you added. You pretended to think for a moment before saying, “And number two… Well. I better not say. You look quite annoyed with me already, Yoongi.”

His brows furrowed. You weren’t coy when it came to your sexual exploits. In fact, never, in his entire time knowing you, have you ever withheld a name from him. He narrowed his eyes at you, taking a step towards you. You didn’t move. You weren’t intimidated. You just kept that smile on your face as you watched the realization slowly hit him. There was only one person Yoongi told you to never touch. He always told you the same thing – he’s too young to be tainted by the likes of you. Leave him alone.

Yoongi suddenly grabbed you by the collar, shaking your roughly.

“I swear, if you even laid a fucking fingertip on Jungkook,” Yoongi hissed under his breath, dragging your face close to his.

You raised an eyebrow. “Speaking of which, where is he?”

Yoongi snarled. “I’ll fucking kill you.”

The buttons of your trench coat were slowly slipping. Yoongi looked down, eyes widening as the top two buttons teased apart, revealing the tight, slinky black dress you wore underneath. So tight that it was obvious you weren’t wearing underwear. He could see the contours of your nipples a little too well. He slapped the front of the jacket together, covering you back up.

“The fuck?” he hissed, face burning.

You leaned forward, lips against his ear.

“Like I said… where’s Jungkook?” you purred.

“Don’t you dare.” Yoongi’s voice was dangerously low. “Absolutely not.”

You clicked your tongue. “Are you offering to be a stand in?”

Yoongi could not fathom how you were able to drag him up the stairs and into an empty bedroom that night. If he wasn’t in shock and partially drunk, he wouldn’t have let you do it. Yoongi hated you. He hated that you seemed okay with him hating you. He hated that you didn’t care that he disapproved of your actions. He hated that you always caught him looking, always caught him off guard, always caught him thinking about you. Not that you knew, but it felt that way. Why did you always show up in his head? Why did you always manage to get under his skin? Why… why was his heart beating so fast as you dumped your mask and hat on a spare chair and slipped your shoulders out of the coat? Why couldn’t he bring himself to walk away?

You turned around, looking at him curiously. The coat slid down your body. Every curve was hugged by the slinky fabric of the dress, from your breasts to your ass to your legs. A single eyebrow cocked.

“I thought you would be running by now, Yoongi.”

You said it matter-of-factly. You didn’t step towards him. It was him who took a step towards you, eyes roaming over your shape. Yoongi was not supposed to feel this way. He was not supposed to feel hot all over, itching to rip off his clothes to press his skin against yours.

“Why?” His voice was raspy with nervousness. “Why are you so fucking sexy?”

You smirked.

“Why do you always tease me?” Yoongi hissed, grabbing your upper arms.

You chuckled, reaching to the front zipper of your low-cut dress.

“Isn’t it obvious?” you drawled, dragging the zipper down slowly. His eyes went from your face to the zipper revealing centimeter by delicious centimeter of bare skin. “I’ve always wanted to fuck you, Yoongi.”

And then you reached up and pulled him down for a kiss.

Lips to lips, Yoongi gasped as your body pressed against his. You nipped at his lower lip, kissing him deeply. Unlike him, you didn’t taste like beer. You tasted like fruit candy and sin, your free hand sliding under his suit jacket and deftly unbuttoning his dress shirt. It wasn’t fair how soft your lips were or how you smirked against his lips as your cool fingertips touched his chest. It was fair that his heart was beating as loud as a bass drum.

“What’s the matter, Yoongi?” you whispered softly, tracing patterns on his bare chest. “Cat got your tongue?”

Yoongi sucked in a breath and grabbed your hand. “You… You’re just messing with my head.”

“Am I now?” You tilted your head at him, one of your arms wrapped around his waist. “You paint such an interesting picture of me in your head.”

Yoongi paused. Wasn’t that your nature? You slept with whoever you wanted, whenever you wanted. And so did he. He did it to numb his feelings. He did it to forget you. He did it because you did it so easily and without even considering that someone would care. That someone did care.

And here you were, half-naked in his arms, watching him with an amused expression on your face. As if you knew. As if you had been waiting for this epiphany. It was easier to hate you than to admit that you had an effect on him.

Yoongi leaned in and kissed you himself, pulling you to him. Kissing you hungrily as he stumbled to the bed to push you down on it. It didn’t take long to shrug out of his blazer. It took even less for you to slide out of your dress and toss it aside. Yoongi bent down and kissed down your neck, nipping at your skin. His tongue traced slow, playful circles around your nipple before you grabbed him by the back of his head and pushed him down. Yoongi chuckled as he sucked hard, making you squirm in delight. He left love bites on your skin. You moaned above him, imprinting his memories with you. Your smell invaded him, sweet and heavy. His hands were on your hips, fingers sinking into softness.

Fuck. Yoongi might have been a little drunk, but now he was intoxicated.

Yoongi kissed down your stomach, the scent of sex becoming stronger and stronger. He pushed your legs open impatiently. Your wet, glistening pussy greeted him, making him breathless. He really must be going crazy. With a slight adjustment, he leaned down and licked you softly, earning a satisfying cry of desire. He would have said something snarky, but at this point he didn’t trust himself anymore. He just leaned in and closed his eyes, moaning at your delicious, honey-like taste. Was eating pussy supposed to taste this good? It made Yoongi’s mind go blank and his cock twitch with need as he pressed the tip of his tongue against your clit, lapping at it softly. He could feel your fingers in his hair, feel your hips jut into his face begging for more. If there was any sexual talent he had, it was eating pussy. Within minutes, Yoongi had your legs turned to jelly, shaking with pleasure as he sucked and lapped at your sensitive clit. You threw your head back, nearly screaming as you came into his mouth and yet he continued, sucking and rubbing another orgasm out of you until your clit was throbbing with oversensitivity.

You pushed his head away lightly and Yoongi finally let go, your juices dripping from his chin. He was breathing hard, wiping it with the back of his hand and licking it off.

If this was a normal one-night stand, Yoongi might have left it like that. But it wasn’t enough for him. He needed more from you. Yoongi stood up and undid his pants. His erection strained against his underwear. He took his wallet out of the pocket and let the pants fall to the floor. He always kept a condom, just in case.

“Move up,” Yoongi gestured. His voice was a little hoarse, throat coated with your taste.

You did so, watching him closely. He caught you staring and waved the condom at you.

“Precautions.”

You smirked. “By all means. I wouldn’t let you near me without one.”

Yoongi sneered, shoving his underwear down and slipping the condom on. He climbed up onto the bed and positioned himself above you, biting his lower lip nervously. For some reason, he wanted it to be good. He wanted it to be abnormally good so that you wouldn’t forget. You raised an eyebrow.

“Second thoughts?”

Yoongi narrowed his eyes. “No.”

And he sank into you.

It took his breath away. Every inch of him was wrapped in wet, delicious pleasure. He pushed all the way in, marveling at the way you squeezed him. He knew it was you, because your stupid smirk was not disappearing as your muscles clenched around him.

“Holy shit,” he muttered, closing his eyes. He had girls beg for him before. Plead for his cock, take him well. But never, never had his dreams come true. Because his dreams were about you and even in his dreams you didn’t mold his cock this well. It just wasn’t something he could imagine.

You pushed your hips up and Yoongi got the hint, sliding back out before thrusting into you. You grinned, licking your lips.

“Come now, Yoongi. You must be frustrated with me. Let me feel it.”

A muscle twitched in his face. “God, you’re so annoying.”

He rolled his hips into you, hard, and you gasped, smirking. Fuck. You really were annoying. He did it again, and again, and again, until you were moaning his name, hands twisting into the sheets, that smirk always on your face reminding him you had the upper hand. It was maddening and yet Yoongi could do nothing about it because he was attempting not to cum from the constant squeezing of your pussy around him. He had to grit his teeth and pound you, your legs wrapped around his waist.

“Hey, Yoongi,” you drawled breathlessly.

“What?” he snapped, cocking an eyebrow.

“You’re so fucking sexy.”

His cheeks burned and his resolve slipped for a second.

“F-fuck!”

His orgasm crashed down on him like a wave, a sharp groan punctuating it as his cock jerked inside you. He jutted his hips into you, crotch slick with your juices. Your smirk grew, tongue between your teeth.

“You… I’m going to fucking gag you next time,” Yoongi hissed, sweat dripping off his brow. He hadn’t even noticed he was sweating. Was he really going that hard?

“I’ll hold you to that,” you purred, pulling him down for another kiss.

--

masterpost

[twstarchives]

Scary Dress・Voice Lines

● Event: Scary Monsters (October 14 - November 26, 2020) ● Exclusive Cards: Deuce, Kalim, Epel, Idia, Malleus, Lilia, Azul, Jack, Jade, Vil, Cater

Deuce Spade - R

Unlock Card “This school event is meant for everyone to have fun. I’m going to make sure this Halloween’s a success!”

Groovy “You’re not getting away from me... I’ll scare you till you're trembling to the bone!”

Home Setting “I’m a skeleton ghost that’s risen from the grave! BOO!”

Home Transitions “These are our special costumes, so make sure you’re careful with them. Grim, that means don’t claw on the lace.”

“When I was a kid, there were times when I used to start sobbing because I thought there was a monster outside. But it was actually just the laundry drying out there... Oi, stop laughing!”

“I got some treats from Epel. There’s a lot of them, so I thought I’d share with you. You know the secret code, right?”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Happy Halloween! You just can’t help but get excited around this time of year.”

Home Taps “I saw Draconia a while ago. Seeing him walk around in that serpentine dragon costume so valiantly made him look cooler than ever.”

“I got a text from my mom—she said she wants to see my costume. I don’t mind sending her one, but I don’t know how I feel about taking a selfie... Prefect, could you take one of me?”

“I’m used to seeing the ghosts on campus, so they’re not that scary. Our terrifying dorm leader Rosehearts, on the other hand...”

“Viper fixed the lace on my hat for me. I feel like the vice leaders in every dorm are really caring.”

“Hey, you! You want me to bury you!? S-Sorry. I was practicing my scares; I didn’t mean to say that to you, Prefect.”

Kalim Al-Asim - R

Unlock Card “Are you all ready to have some fun? Alright! Come on and follow my lead! One, two—Happy Halloween!”

Groovy “Grr... Pain shoots through my body whenever I look at the full moon. You better watch your back if you start to hear some howling.”

Home Setting “Growl! I’m a werewolf now.”

Home Transitions “Rook knows a lot about wildlife, and he told me all kinds of things about wolves. It was really useful.”

“I always carry around candies this time of year. This way anyone can tell me ‘Trick or treat’ anytime!”

“My magic carpet seems pretty excited for Halloween too. I’m competing with it to see who’s the scariest!”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “A party that everyone’s stoked about—that’s what Halloween is! Let’s have fun together! Growl! Growl!”

Home Taps Whine! Grrrrr! Bark! *cough!* “It’s hard trying to sound like a wolf...”

“I feel like it’d be so much more exciting if Cater, Lilia, and I dressed up for our band performances. Don’t you think so?”

“Jade said his costume is a mummy. If you wore clothes like that in the Scalding Sands, you’d get so hot that you might actually turn into one.”

“I like this costume; its design is really reminiscent of the Scalding Sands. Plus it’s easy to move in. It fits for dressing up as a werewolf.”

“Hm? You want to try scaring me? Spare me from any tricks, though. Ahaha!”

Epel Felmier - R

Unlock Card “Boo! Did I spook you? Hehe. I’ll come scare you again if you let down your guard.”

Groovy “Struggling against me is useless... I think. You won’t get away from me.”

Home Setting “Now, Halloween has begun!”

Home Transitions “Wah! Oh, crap!¹ I stepped all over my cloak. If Vil saw me, he’d get mad and say ‘It’s not proper to run around like that.’”

“I carved some of the pumpkins that are decorating the school. Mine have ghosts and our dorm’s emblem on them. Try to find them, okay?”

“Hey, have you seen the decorations on Main Street? They’re all so pretty, and really marvy².”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “I think this is the first time I’ve celebrated such a festive Halloween. In my town, the festivals feel a lot more scaled down.”

Home Taps “Halloween celebrations in my hometown are never this big, but I can promise you the food’s always delicious. I want you all to come see it someday.”

“Riddle got really passionate when we were talking about the treats for Halloween earlier. Sweets are just amazing, aren’t they?”

“I’m a first-year just like Deuce and Jack, but I wish I could scare as well as they do. But only practice makes perfect!”

“Tremble in fear! ...No. That’s not menacing enough... Ah! What if I put ketchup around my mouth?”

“Huh!? A treat? Sorry. I finished handing all mine out. But I’ll peel an apple for you later, so don’t give me a trick or anything... Okay?”

Idia Shroud - R

Unlock Card “E-E-Even I get excited for events sometimes... Is that bad!?”

Groovy “Anyone who sees what’s beneath my helmet won’t be leaving here unharmed... Hehehe!”

Home Setting “Wahaha! The Pumpkin Knight has arrived!”

Home Transitions “Every time Ortho tells me ‘Trick or treat,’ I give him some candy, but earlier he got mad and said ‘Let me have a trick too.’”

“You need to know your etiquette to have fun with events. That’s true no matter what world you’re in.”

“This time of year, they’re always having tons of huge events in gacha games. I’ve got an overwhelming lack of free time.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Weheehee~... Happy Halloween. Huh? Why are you making that face? Is it that weird to see me pumped up?”

Home Taps “Hiding my face under a helmet really lets me relax. The downside is it’s a little hard to breathe, though.”

“Wh-What are you dressing up as? Don’t tell me you’re just going to throw on something basic like a headband or a hat and call it a day?”

“They say lions are members of the cat family, but... Sir Leona is not soothing in the slightest. Hah~ I wanna nuzzle a cat...”

“You can say it. There’s no such thing as a nerd that hates Halloween!”

“Weheehee! I made this using a 3D printer, so it’s got really nice durability. ‘How much did it all cost’? Well, if you want to know, it was on sale.”

Malleus Draconia - SR

Unlock Card “Halloween is a festival observed by both the living and the dead, regardless of one’s race. You, too, should enjoy yourself as much as you can.”

Groovy “I’d make anyone tremble in fear with a single breath of fire. Watch me.”

Home Setting “I’m not dressed up as a dragon. It’s a serpentine dragon.”

Home Transitions “The students in our dorm seem very pleased with our costumes. They were all cheering with joy. This was well-worth the trouble.”

“Lilia knows a lot about many nations’ versions of Halloween. He told me stories about them instead of his usual lullabies. That was a long time ago, though.”

“I saw two pumpkin knights around campus. The smaller one was floating, so I’m assuming they were the Shroud brothers.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “I’ve experienced many Halloweens, but this year seems especially chaotic.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Trick or treat!... wasn’t it? If you don’t give me a treat, I’ll have to trick you. What will you do?”

Home Taps “The red serpentine dragons from the Far East, which our costumes were based on, could even play folk instruments. Hm... How very interesting.”

“I caught Asim practicing his wolf howls. He’s lacking on the impact, but it does have a charm to it. Heheh.”

“Halloween in the Valley of Thorns is especially grand. It’s a different take on it than other countries have, but you should come see it someday. It’s beautiful.”

“If you hear a strange noise, don’t automatically assume it’s the work of a ghost. Faeries love playing tricks all year round.”

“This tail? Mine is not an accessory; it’s real. As curious as you might be, don’t get too close. You’d be easily flicked aside if you got hit by it.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “I’ll set fire to anyone that harms your dorm, just like a serpentine dragon would. I’m fond of that place.”

Lilia Vanrouge - SR

Unlock Card “Halloween is my home ground ♪ I can’t wait to see the surprise on everyone’s faces.”

Groovy “Do not underestimate me. You might end up finding yourself trembling and unable to sleep all night long.”

Home Setting “Growl! How was that? Did I sound like a dragon?”

Home Transitions “On Halloween Night, the goblins who served the Fairy of Thorns would gather around a fire and dance all night long. You probably wouldn’t expect them to be party animals!”

“I remember the day I met a real-life serpentine dragon in the East like it was yesterday. Its crimson scales were truly a sight to behold.”

“I like eating most sweets, but marshmallows are the only ones I can’t do. It doesn’t feel like I’m eating anything; they aren’t satisfying.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Trick or treat... What? You’re already used to my tricks? Then I’ll have to bring out my trump card.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “If I were a real dragon, I could give you a ride on my back. But instead, why don’t I give you a piggy back ride?”

Home Taps “Hnn... The decorative horns on my cap are so heavy. Malleus really has these on his head at all times?”

“Aren’t my red nails cute? Vil painted them for me. He told me these were called gel nails—long-lasting nail polish.”

“Silver and Sebek used to be such crybabies. The mornings after Halloween, I’d have to spend the whole day doing laundry.”

“Have you seen Ace anywhere? He’s always eating Trey’s sweets like he really likes them, so I made some for him as well.”

“Oh, oh! It’s dangerous for someone of my stature to have a tail almost touching the ground. Try not to step on it either.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Achoo! Sorry, sorry. This peacock feather tickled my nose.”

Azul Ashengrotto - SR

Unlock Card “The Mostro Lounge is currently offering a special Halloween menu. You must come and see!”

Groovy “Let’s have all the fun we want tonight. Now, let me hear you scream all the way up to the moon!”

Home Setting “How do I look? It’s very stylish with the way it revisits the old-fashioned sort of mummy, isn’t it?”

Home Transitions “If these were my own tentacles, I could move them freely at will, but that’s not true with these bandage wraps. I have to pay close attention to my movements.”

“Of course we have Halloween celebrations under the sea. Although, unlike on land, merpeople don’t exactly wear costumes.”

“I ran into Silver with this costume on, and he yelled ‘The enemy!’ before pulling out a baton. ...He must’ve been half-asleep.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Halloween only happens once a year. Let’s have the time of our lives together.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Did I hear you say ‘Trick or treat’ just now? Offering me of all people a deal is quite bold of you.”

Home Taps “I have an affinity for the costumes Jack and the other Savanaclaw students are wearing. They look like ghosts you’d find at sea, don’t they?”

“I referenced dishes that my family serves for the Lounge’s limited edition menu... Oh, my family runs a ristorante.”

“I’ll hold back on the treats, thank you. Accepting more and more of them will only increase my calorie intake for the day.”

“The reason we chose mummies for our costumes? I’m very unfamiliar with them, which made me all the more curious. After all, you can’t have anything dry under the sea.”

“What are you in such a rush for? I understand feeling excited, but you must be discreet when getting ready to scare someone.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “You must come see Halloween under the sea sometime! It’s just as fun as the academy’s.”

Jack Howl - SR

Unlock Card “Dressing up as pirates fits for Savanaclaw, since the guys here are all brutes. When you want something, you take it!”

Groovy “On Halloween, it’s ghost territory. Make sure you be careful when walking around at night. Grr...”

Home Setting “My scares aren’t just for show.”

Home Transitions “Scarabia dressed up as werewolf ghosts. They really nailed the ears and tails.”

“When we were making jack o’ lanterns, Ruggie kept eating the pumpkin seeds. Do those taste good...?”

“The pirate costume fits Leona really well. He’s lazy and vulgar—ahem! He comes off as strong and powerful.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Happy Halloween! It’s nice with all these decorations and festive energy. Wanna walk around together later?”

Home Transition (Groovy) “I was getting tired of all these sweets, so I got some jerky. Want any?”

Home Taps “Ace and the others swear that anything Trey bakes is to die for. I wonder how his pear compote would... N-No, nevermind.”

“I used to want to be a pirate when I was little. I remember making treasure chests by myself and filling them with coins and sparkling jewels. Those were the days.”

“Pirates have to aim their cannons and do a lot of heavy lifting while onboard. They’ve got to train hard.”

“I almost never wear rings, so I’m scared these might fly off at any moment. Plus it’s hard to move my fingers.”

“Oi! Stop prodding at my costume! What’re you going to do if one of the seashells breaks off?”

Home Tap (Groovy) “You haven’t put on your costume yet? The ghosts will come to kidnap you if you don’t hurry and change.”

Jade Leech - SSR

Unlock Card “I’ve been expecting you. Today I have a most wonderful scare prepared for you.”

“We’ve been working hard to ensure that everyone can spend a wonderful Halloween.”

Groovy “The sight of you screaming as you try to hurry away... It’s irresistible. I cannot hold myself back from chasing after you!”

Home Setting “Who would like to be tied up in fear?”

Home Transitions “You want to see me when I’m frightened? Heheh. I wouldn’t mind you scaring me anytime you’d like.”

“There is no such thing as using pumpkins as lanterns under the sea. I was very shocked learning about culture on land when I was a freshman.”

“Have you had a chance to try out the Mostro Lounge’s limited edition Halloween menu? I contributed a recipe to it.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Trick or treat! Heheh. There’s no need to look so frightened; I won’t bite.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Oh, my. Were you hoping to play a trick on me? I have a treat on hand, so please spare me today.”

Home Taps “I helped Ruggie with making jack o’ lanterns. They’re very quick, cheap, and beautiful. How fitting.”

“Dryness is fatal for merpeople. If we were dried up like a mummy... Just the thought is horrifying.”

“Floyd, don’t eat too many sweets. It’s different while we’re in the water, but here we have a high risk of tooth decay.”

“The draping wraps on our costumes resemble jellyfish tentacles. They’re pretty, aren’t they? I like their asymmetrical design.”

“You seem to have a wish to join the world of mummies. First, I will wrap your whole body in bandages, and then dry you out... I’m only joking.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Halloween under the sea? If you’re interested, I will show you around one day.”

Duo Magic Jade: Azul, we cannot waste any more time. Azul: Let’s be efficient about this, Jade.

Vil Schoenheit - SSR

Unlock Card “Are you prepared to pledge yourself to me? It’s a great honor to be the sustenance of my beauty.”

“If I’m participating in this, then I’m going to aim for quality that transcends all previous Halloweens. Please keep up with me.”

Groovy “How unfortunate; there’s nowhere left for you to run. Yield yourself to me and become my slave.”

Home Setting “You will be a victim to my fangs.”

Home Transitions “Vampires, who possess eternal beauty... This is a perfect theme for me, isn’t it?”

“It would be difficult to check my appearance if I couldn’t see my reflection in the mirror. Perhaps I’d have to check with Rook between every class.”

“The other day, I was drinking tomato juice in the evening, and Epel screamed at me. How rude.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Trick or treat. Although, I don’t need any sweet treats. I’m sure you can guess what a vampire would want... Heheh.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Have you flipped your sleep schedule like a vampire’s because it’s Halloween? Make sure you don’t stay up too late.”

Home Taps “I don’t usually carry around treats with me, so last year I fell victim to Lilia’s tricks. That was honestly unpleasant.”

“You should carefully deliberate over your parasol and choose one that has strong protection from the sun. Don’t forget sunblock either.”

“Floyd’s skin is very beautiful. Makeup sits exceptionally well on moisturized skin, too. Always remember to moisturize.”

“My father is an actor, and for every Halloween he would come home in a costume with special effects makeup. I wonder if perfectionism runs in the family.”

“Even a single strand of hair out of place is something to pay mind to. Could you fix my hair for me?”

Home Tap (Groovy) “My cloak has enough cloth to wrap around a person. Should I hide you inside it if any scary ghosts come by?”

Duo Magic Vil: Let’s end this nonsense right here, Lilia. Lilia: Leave it to me to guard you from behind, Vil.

Cater Diamond - SSR

Unlock Card “I’ll fill you all the way to the bone... with fear, of course ♪”

“Aha! Are you surprised with how off things feel now? Let me show you Cay’s charm, now that I’m a touch different for Halloween~”

Groovy “You’re not thinking you’ll be able to get home safely now that you’ve dug me up, are you?”

Home Setting “Don’t you think my costume’s super aesthetic!?”

Home Transitions “The pumpkin pie Trey always makes this time of year... Mm, it’s not too sweet, and it’s sooo good~!”

“Did you see Lucius today!? He was wearing a super adorable pumpkin hat... I can’t believe Professor Trein~!”

“Sebek-kins really loves Malleus~ He’s got a reputation among the third-years for being the passionate Draconian.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Happy Halloween! How about we take a picture to commemorate?”

Home Transition (Groovy) “I have a feeling this year’s going to be the funnest Halloween we’ve ever had. You should be excited too, Prefect!”

Home Taps “I really like how our skeleton-looking laces are so elegant. Our dorm uniforms give off more cutesy vibes; it’s super different.”

“A black veil holds many mysteries... Heheh. You’re always free to lift it up anytime you want, Prefect! Just kidding.”

“Heartslabyul’s costumes last year? We were pirates! Wish you could see Cay as a pirate~?”

“The whole campus gets super festive and exciting around Halloween! And all the decorations are so photogenic.”

“Black makeup smudges easily, so you kind of need to have advanced skills to use it. Does it look okay right now? It’s not smudged?”

Home Tap (Groovy) “What are you dressing up as, Prefect? Come let me know when you have it ready. I wanna take a pic~”

Duo Magic Cater: “Jack, lend me some of your aesthetic support!” Jack: “This’ll be a breeze, Cater!”

[jtrbluv]

hell-ish | pjm

summary: can be read as a separate oneshot or a continuation of ‘we’re not really strangers’“

“But do you remember when we went on a field trip to that amusement park in 8th grade? Around halloween time? … Yeah, I think that’s the moment I pretty much fell in love with you.“

pairing: jimin x reader

genre: fluff, humor, establisedrelationship!au

word count: 7.7k+

warnings: profanity (they are beyond terrified), inaccurate depictions of amusement park shenanigans, neurotic clowns (but they’re acting)

A/N: IM SO SRY ITS LITERALLY NOT EVEN HALLOWEEN ANYMORE GOODBYE DD; in my defense they typically have these typa things open after halloween ends... miss rona just isn’t allowing it this year ofc ;w; a special thanks to @viopera​ , @koushiningg​, and @bangtans-peaceful-piegon​ for letting me use their likeness, i love u all. and i hope you enjoy this late halloween fic right before thanksgiving break!

The car rolls to a smooth stop. The man in the driver’s seat puts the car into park—turning towards you while placing a reassuring hand on your thigh.

“Hey,” he says, a small close-lipped grin painting across his features, “you excited?”

You reposition in your seat so you can face him, or more specifically, your best-friend-turned-lover—the sight of him smiling causes you to elicit one of your own, your nerves slightly subsiding.

“I am actually,” you admit, “how long has it been? Six? Seven years?”

“Around there I think, but we should probably get going. The lines are probably going to be stupid long like always,” he suggests, his hand leaving your thigh only to ruffle the hair on top of your head, "Here's to new memories Y/N."

You step out onto the pavement—the crisp, cold night air nipping at your cheeks and nose. The cooler temperature serving as a reminder that winter was yet to come and autumn was about to come to a close. You form an O-shape with your mouth, exhaling sharply and seeing your own breath swirling and blending into the air around you.

Footsteps approach you from the side as you shut the car door. Your head whips around to see Jimin walking towards you with a dopey grin plastered on his face. In response, your eyes playfully loll back, a stream of air huffing out of your nose.

You shift your focus back towards in front of you, eyeing the roller coaster that intimidatingly loomed beyond the fence of the park, the drop tower that appeared just as high, and the other neighboring attractions that towered significantly enough to be seen from afar. The whole stretch of the park emitted a red glow, from what you could assume was from the large-scale lighting and technology that was spread out across the expanse.

A soft hand slides its way from your forearm down to your palm, intertwining all in one smooth motion. It was warm and comforting much unlike your frozen, almost entirely numb ones.

“Someone’s a little cold aren’t they,” he teases, using his other hand to attempt to rub more warmth into yours.

“You know my hands are chronically cold,” you pointedly whine, causing small clouds of air to shoot out of his mouth and nose due to his laughter.

He locks the car and you two begin making your way towards the entrance—from what seemed like a mile, in reality, was only a block away. There was practically no gap in between the two of you the entire time, taking advantage of each other’s body heat amidst the numbingly cold weather.

The wait wasn't too shabby, but you knew it was because time always seemed to pass by so much faster when you were with him, most of the pastime consisting of talking about how your past week has been, the fuckton of assignments you two had gotten, and the dangerously high intakes of caffeine you two had consumed as per usual.

The conversation ceased after a while, and it was just the two of you pressed side to side in comfortable silence, hands still intertwined. It was interesting to see such a vast variety of ages all around you—the most common age range were teenagers or people of the same age as the two of you, which wasn’t a surprise. After getting past the ticket booth and security check, you

two finally make it inside.

The first thing you notice is the large, antique carousel that hadn’t changed in the tiniest bit since the last time you were here.

The meticulously decorated entrance—brought to life by the fire torches, heavy-duty fog machines that didn't allow one to see after 10 feet ahead of them, bright lights that were replaced by either no lights at all or a faint red tint, and just the whole ambiance—had greatly juxtaposed the simplicity and familiarity of the carousel that stood in the eye of it all.

The heat of the fire torches allow you to regain some warmth back into your body—you create a small gap in between you and Jimin, in which he pouts and lifts your intertwined hands up to his face, pressing a kiss into the back of your hand.

“So, where do you wanna go first?” He asks, swinging your arm back and forth after passing through the gates.

“I’m fine with whatever,” you enunciate a bit loudly, the usual noises of amusement park shenanigans hindering your hearing.

“You sure about that?”

You click your tongue, “Jimin please, I’m a college student now, not a puny 8th grader anymore,” you argue, watching him turn away as he tries to stifle his laughter, “I swear!”

“Alright! Alright! I’ll believe you,” he eventually caves, frantically waving his hand to dismiss your concerns, “But I won’t believe you until I see it.”

“Oh, so we’re gonna play that game huh,” you retort, brows furrowing as a smirk creeps across your face, “Alright, so what do you think about riding that?” You ask innocently, motioning up towards the drop tower that forced one to crane their neck all the way back just to see the top.

You break your focus as you look back down and turn towards him to gauge his reaction. His jaw dropping down to his knees—eyes widened in complete bafflement and horror.

“Y/N. I am literally going to fucking die if I ride that shit. Oh my god.”

“What do you mean? It’s totally safe! I’ve been on it so many times.” You attempt to console him, knowing it’s futile because of the piercing glare he gives you right after you say that.

“And that’s supposed to make it better how?!"

You soothingly rub the back of his hand in an attempt to ease his nerves, “Of course I won’t push you if you don’t want to, you know.”

He sighs, “Well, now you’re just making me sound like a puny 8th grader.”

“I can assure you that you very much, are not Chim.” And he smirks at that, tightening his grip on your hand, making you wish that you didn't give him that ego boost in the first place because he surely didn’t need any more of that.

You take some time to mull over your options, but instead, go with whatever your gut feeling was initially leaning towards, “Okay, so what if every time you take me to a house, I have to take you on a ride. You get to choose the house and I get to choose the ride.”

He nods in acknowledgment, “I’m listening.”

“Does that sound valid?” You inquire.

He bites on his bottom lip, taking a moment to quickly cogitate between the options you had given him, and at last, he nods, "It sounds like a win-win."

"Or a lose-lose." You chuckle, and he mirrors.

He shakes his head, “I know you like rollercoasters and all that scary shit, but there’s also a ton of stuff that they’ve added since we’ve last been here.” He replies, thinking out loud, while making you feel more content with your decision, “You got a deal ma’am.” He affirms at last—releasing his grip to offer you his hand to seal the deal, in which you confirm resolutely by shaking it.

Just like he said, the amusement park most definitely stepped up their game ever since you both were middle schoolers, navigating the large expanse with a bunch of other measly and equally puny peers.

The deeper you two make your way into the park, the more themed attractions lined the path. At this point, you could barely make out the bottom half of your legs due to the thickness of the fog. Actors were running around left and right—faces decorated with FX makeup that you could barely discern because of the dim lighting—effectively scaring others, clear by the amount of ear-splitting shrieks you've heard in the past ten minutes that was enough to make your eardrums burst.

Jimin takes note of your slight tenseness. He wasn't oblivious and he knew that you were trying to feign nonchalance—but the razor-tight grip on his hand and lack of chatter on your end was saying otherwise. But just like everything you do, he thought it was cute anyway.

He promptly squeezes your hand, making you turn to face him, "Do you want the first pick?"

You hum, "You can have it if you want."

"Are you sure?"

"Yess," you drag out exasperatedly, "how many times do I have to tell you that I'll be perf– !" You abruptly halt as a zombie (that very much isn't real is what you keep reminding yourself) whizzes past you, brushing against your shoulder and making you jump and trip over your own two feet.

The man beside you is quick to react—leaping in front of you with his arms out so you could fall into his grasp. And you do, gripping his arms to better steady yourself and stand up. As you attempt to straighten yourself out, your head sinks into his chest, laughter erupting out of the two of you to the point where his knees almost give out.

You detach yourself from his chest, tears pooling in the corners of your eyes from laughing so goddamn much. Finally regaining your poise, you immediately slip your fingers back in between his. He cards a hand through his locks with his remaining hand while taking deep breaths.

While tugging him away from where you two were standing to avoid another ruckus... granted that you were at a haunted amusement park, you shout into foggy air, "I'm fine, I'll be fine Jimin! Let's go!", hoping that maybe if you spoke it out into the world, you could manifest it into being true.

Well, weren’t you wrong.

-

A rare and near impossible feat is what you were able to accomplish: forcing Jimin to make a decision. Despite him already being a trademark libra, you always believed that one of his most standout and consistent libra-esque traits was the fact that he was so indecisive. To which had resulted in him forcing you to make decisions instead of him most of the time, whether they had been trivial or not.

The moment you realized that this "feat" wasn’t much of a feat, after all, was when you two had finally reached the entrance of the first haunted attraction he had chosen, his impulsive and most likely ulterior-motivated driven decision causing you to retract all preceding moments in which where you were being stubborn and indignant in him making the first pick.

Just your luck, his explanation behind his decision (and your almost near-death experience) is that he says and you quote, “Start off with a bang! We get the worst over with now so it’s all smooth sailing for the rest of the night. Trust me.”

For some context, you had a very  rational fear of clowns. The year of 2016 was already bad enough as it was—a time in which you had gotten out of your first serious relationship, afterward giving yourself the most horrendous haircut in your entire life because you were emotionally strung and the scissors… well they just happened to be within an arm’s reach.

Later on in said year when you had become a junior and assignments had been piling up higher and higher without any shits given whatsoever, your minuscule fear of clowns had been blown out of all proportions—ultimately fueled by the number of clown sightings around your town and one altercation that you still think about until this day. Four years later, you can still vividly recall the time where you were coming home after studying all day at the local library and on the other side of the street, you had spotted a clown—feet planted to the cement sidewalk, body immobile besides their head that would keep its focus on you as you continuously made your way down the street. As you began to quicken up your pace, the clown began to reciprocate your actions from across the way, and you came to the conclusion that you didn’t really wanna die that night so you sprinted the entire rest of the way home.

And here you two were, at the front of the line standing behind the black curtain entrance—next to a rugged wood sign with the words, CLOWNEUROTICS, inscribed with a dripping, rich red liquid which you surmise was fake blood and not Kool-Aid.

“I cannot believe I let you have the first pick and you do this to me” You quip, chewing the chapped skin of your lips, breath shallow and bated.

“Y/N, you’ll be just fine. I’ll be here right beside you, remember?” he assures you once more, giving you another tight squeeze on your hand.

The curtains swish open, the employee in a simple all-black ensemble motioning the two of you to come inside. You close your eyes, taking one deep and steady inhale before stepping in.

You can barely make out your surroundings, let alone Jimin, who was standing right beside you. The worker’s voice hollers over the deafening noises of the tent. “Follow the path, don’t go backwards, or else you'll hold up the line. And you see that green light?” He asks while pointing to the tiny green bulb that was down the hallway in front of you, “Take a right from there.”

Jimin replies, knowing that you’re too fear-stricken to form coherent sentences at the moment, “Alright, thanks.”

The man nods, and Jimin tugs on your hand as he begins to walk forward. You follow closely behind, reminding yourself to take breaths before you flat out lose consciousness.

As you reach the end of the hallway and the green light bulb the man mentioned, Jimin pauses and turns around to stand in front of you, placing his hands on your shoulders.

“Y/N, I know you hate my guts right now, but I’m sorry in advance and just know that I love you, okay? You have full permission to torture me after this.” He reassures with a wide grin.

“Yeah, yeah, I love you too,” you grumble, lips downturned and head hanging low.

You feel his soft lips graze over your cheek, leaving a chaste peck before giving you an airy, irresistible smile that you can’t really help but relent, even though it already feels like your heart is about to implode on itself.

Taking a right, the setting of the attraction comes into periphery. White walls and floors—reminiscent of a hospital, are tainted with blood, a disarray of medical equipment, and severed body parts. You take notice of the vacant hospital beds, sheets crumpled and stained with red. Framed pictures of medical staff were hanging by loose nails, glass shattered, bloody splatters and smears all over the frames, walls, and white tile.

You two reach a doorway, next to one of the hinges was a sign that clearly said, Psychiatric Ward. Well, I guess that explains the neurotics part.

In an attempt to swallow down some of the fear in your throat, you tighten your grip on Jimin’s hand while opting to slither your remaining hand around his bicep.

He takes notice of your actions that were propelled by your increasing fear, and naturally, he can’t help but feel bad, “Hey, you know I’d never let anything happen to you.” He tells you, shaking you out of your slight daze, “You can hold onto me the whole time and stick your head in my shoulder just like you did years ago, I won’t mind,” he teases while booping your nose.

“Alright, let’s just get this over with, please.” You huff out, determined to somehow put on maybe not a brave, but a braver face than what he expects from you.

You manage to fail in a whopping, record-breaking, ten seconds of going inside.

The first jumpscare was so entirely predictable—the thunderous pounds against the wall, the trudging and supposedly neurotic clowns (although clowns are already neurotic enough as they are) had all built up suspense until a head of a clown had shot up from around the corner. Their usual clown features distorted with gashes in their skin and blood dribbling out of the corners of their mouth, clothes ripped and stained. Your entire body violently spasms, a shrill shriek, and an embarrassingly long string of curses leave your lips in a matter of mere seconds.

You don’t even notice the man you’re holding onto folding over in laughter because the clown is still very much still following you even after you turn the corner, but before you can recalibrate and trek forward another clown materializes just sparse inches at your side. Your entire body forcefully jerks back, knocking into Jimin, but the force doesn’t phase him in the slightest as he swiftly brings his arms around your frame to prevent you from falling back.

Next to you, the man’s laughter hasn’t ceased a bit the entire time, and as you quickly dash forward and away from the clowns that you oh-so-wanted to knock a tooth out of, while clinging onto his side, he presses a kiss to the top of your head, “Hanging in there?”

“I think I’m gonna murder you before I murder any of these clowns.”

“Noted!” he chimes while playfully bumping his head into yours.

As you two turn another corner, the sight of more clowns banging against vacant windows on either side of you has you wincing, and you could swear you could feel your left eye start to involuntarily twitch. You come to the indubitable realization that amidst dozens of clowns, you are evidently the biggest one here.

The sounds that blaringly elicit from your lips are the nearing equivalent to keyboard smashes with a variety of curse words in between. In short, if you had a swear jar, you’d be practically penniless at this point.

The clowns are quick to take note of your cowardly conduct, using it to their advantage and targeting you specifically—reaching and intruding so eerily close that you’re almost convinced that they’re actually touching you. You cower in their presence, squirming and sinking deeper and deeper into Jimin’s hold as you make your way down the path.

Beads of cold sweat began to assert their own path down your forehead—heart ricocheting against the walls of your chest, straining the cords of your throat because of your never-ending shouts and shrieks of terror upon terror. Your whole body was convulsing and shivering without fault, even when accompanied by the body heat of the man next to you, the harsh lighting of the overhead lights, and the lack of ventilation in this shoddy tent proved to be no match against your bodily functions that were going completely haywire. If you were an Amazon package, you would have a large ‘Caution: Handle With Care’ sign slapped right onto the box.

The pea-sized amount of pride that remains within you is the only thing stopping you from completely losing your shit.

Jimin's laughter—airy and unwavering, tickling the shell of your ear was the only thing keeping you grounded, serving as a constant reminder that at the very least when you might have lost all your pride and composure, you still had him by your side.

Without much forethought, he continues to lay kisses along your temple, clutching you close to his chest and keeping you upright as your knees constantly buckled under the weight of your looming fear, crumbling composure, and the grisly clowns that were most definitely preying on your downfall.

The ten-minute duration—which to you, had felt like a whole lifetime-and-a-half had finally come to a close. Once you were able to discern what you thought was the exit of the tent—the small opening leading to what had looked like signs of civilization, you booked it without hesitation, hastily tugging Jimin with you to the point where he nearly tramples over his own feet and crashes to the floor due to the sheer and sudden force.

You two finally pass through the exit. Feeling as if you had just ran a timed mile in five minutes, your body caves immediately—hunching over, briskly bringing your hands to your knees to support your deteriorating physiological state. The sound of your heavy breathing gets disrupted by Jimin’s laughter. You stand up, straightening yourself out when you realize that other people were starting to make their way towards the exit too, and you two were clearly blocking the way out.

Jimin takes you by the wrist and swiftly pulls you aside as more people start to trickle out of the tent. You two lean against the metal fence, comfortably silent as he lets you catch your breath.

You huff out, taking deep exhales as you speak, "Holy fuck, what even was that?"

"The funniest thing I have ever seen," he shoots back with a smile, slightly breathless as well.

You blink rapidly, body slumping against the fence, still completely cynical and disbelieving in what you had experienced. Biting the inside of your cheek so hard you're pretty sure you left teeth marks, you wipe your sweat with the hem of your sleeve.

"You okay?" he asks softly, closing the gap in between the two of you.

You nod, affirming your composure in hopes that it would solidify it for real. Giving him a smile to ease the nerves you knew he had, you visibly saw his smile widen, and with that, you ruffle his hair, take his hand into your own, and walk a few steps forward before announcing brazenly into the chilly autumn wind,

"Drop zone time."

"Y/N PLEASE—!"

-

"Don't do this, anything else but this please." He pleads, lips jutting out while childishly tugging on your sleeve.

You groan, "Bub, we had a deal."

He presses his lip together, "I know... but just look at that! How does that even look remotely safe enough for one to ride?" He tries to reason with you, staring up at the attraction that he believes should not even be labeled as an 'attraction' in the first place.

You chuckle softly, shaking your head, "If it was that much of a safety hazard, it wouldn't even exist Chim."

"I will never understand why people ride this out of enjoyment and pleasure. This is insane," he says, his eyes trailing to the long line of people behind the two of you.

"It's three seconds, I swear. Three seconds compared to my ten minutes of cussing and wanting to punch a clown in the face is very reasonable in my opinion. You’ll be just fine, I’ll hold your hand the whole time," you add on.

He quietly freezes in place—eyes fixated on the tower, hands leaving the fabric of your sweater. You feel his warm hand come in contact with yours, the back of his hand grazing your knuckles. Lacing your fingers in between his, he meets your eyes, giving you a timid, lopsided grin. A silent affirmation that had said more than words could’ve. I trust you but I’m still scared shitless.

“You guys are next,” the worker announces, opening the gate and gesturing you two to come inside. Jimin’s smile dissipates, face contorting into a look of mortification at the man’s words—eyes widening to the size of what would be considered as utter shock and lips curling into a form of disgust.

Tugging lightly at his hand, he whips his head towards you, waiting to speak until you two have passed the gate, “Y/N, I’m literally gonna piss my pants like I’m not even joking.”

“Jimin!” you say in a hushed yell, “Please don’t, I know your pride is too precious to you for you to annihilate it by pissing on a ride that even kids go on.”

He scoffs, “Okay fine… but we’re getting churros after this.”

Your brows furrow in confusion, smiling at his tone, “Why would I argue against churros?”

“Hello, miss? Come this way, please,” another worker greets, leading the two of you to two vacant spots of the ride where you presume were going to be yours.

You nod, making your way towards the two seats, hearing Jimin splutter incoherent words and sounds from behind your shoulder.

He immediately plops into the innermost spot, refusing to be on the outermost seat that only had one accompanying seat on one side, albeit it truly didn’t matter. And of course, you don’t tell him that.

Smiling at his overt signs of apprehension, you slide into the spot next to him, beginning to put on the seatbelt over your lap.

Drumming his fingers on his knees, he already has his seatbelt buckled and his over-the-shoulder restraints locked and secured into place.

“Ugh, can these things go any tighter! I can still move under here,” he tuts, vigorously trying to push the restraints closer to his body, yet his attempts are proven to be in vain.

“Bub, they still want you to be able to breathe,” you remind him with a small giggle, your head popping out of the U-shaped bar to look over at him—his brows knit in concentration, nose scrunched, lips tucked into his mouth.

In a final attempt, you hear the man beside you take a sharp and deep inhale, only to hear a tiny click emit from the restraint shortly afterward.

He releases his bated breath, only to come to the realization that he can’t extend his stomach all the way forward, the bar forcing it to come short. He splutters, bringing his hand to cover his face while he coughs only to realize that his arm can’t fully reach around the bar to meet his face.

You watch this entire scene unfold out in front of you—wishing you could do something to help the poor guy, but you already knew your attempts would be pointless in the end as your arms are physically incapable of extending that far. You sink back into your seat to make sure he doesn’t see the fact that you were trying so hard not to laugh.

“Jimin, deep breaths, in and out,” you instruct him as the worker starts to make their rounds around the ride, double-checking for seatbelts and secured restraints.

“Y/N, that’s the problem, I can’t.”

“Try scooting back into your seat,” the worker suggests to Jimin, giving him an empathetic smile.

“What do you mean–oh, erm, thank you.”

She nods, shaking Jimin’s restraint a little more energetically to reassure the man of his safety.

As she leaves, he says to you, “Y/N, I can’t believe you convinced me to go on this.”

“Me too, honestly. I’m really proud of you Chim.” You admit, reaching out a hand towards him in which he takes.

“Three seconds, right?” He reiterates.

“Give or take, yeah.”

“Y/N—!”

Your seats suddenly clatter, signaling the start of your long ascent. Jimin’s grip on your hand tightens substantially, causing you to groan out in pain.

He quickly takes note of the noise, loosening his grip ever so slightly, “Oh my god, sor- oh fucking hell, there’s no going back now?!”

You chomp down on your bottom lip before another sound could escape your mouth—his grip on your hand tightening the higher you two go, “No, no you’re fine, it’s okay..”

“HOLY SHIT WHY ARE WE ALREADY THIS HIGH UP?!” He yelps, kicking his feet against the air—people’s heads starting to look as small as ants, the rest of the park coming into view as if you were experiencing it from a drone’s point of view.

“Dumbass, don’t look down!”

“It’s too late–what the hell, why can I see the whole damn city from here?!” He sticks his head out of his restraint, looking up and trying to find the top, “wHen the FUCK does this shit stop please, Y/N, I cAn’T do this?!?!”

“Chim. Breathe. Deep, steady breaths, okay?” You say while audibly taking breaths so he can do the same.

“Okay, okay,” he says, voice cracking but following suit.

After you think that he finally manages to get a grip on himself, you decide to try to take his mind off the situation at hand, “Jimin, look at the view.”

His breath softens as he begins to take in his surroundings. He could see everything. To him, it feels as if he had the city in the palm of his hand. The rollercoasters that reside next to the tower were practically reaching eye-level to him, and despite the lack of color due to the theme of the park, he thought it was mesmerizing anyway. He marvels at the fact that he could even see past the park—catching a glimpse of the cars zooming on the main highway, minute specks of light emitting from the windows of skyscrapers, people living in their own little worlds in each one, And of course, the envy of it all, the night sky—the dark depth littered with a multitude of stars in their own little patterns and worlds of their own as well.

The overhead speakers trumpet, ripping Jimin out of his trance-like state, “Welcome to the drop zone brave newcomers. I hope you’ve had an enjoyable trip on the way up here. And I hope that your descent is just as enjoyable as well. We will be dropping in... “

Jimin heaves out, “Now that’s just plain rude at this point.”

“Ten.”

“Are you okay?”

He scoffs. “What kind of question is that Y/N?!”

“Nine.”

“Jimin, you’ll be just fine,” You reassure for the umpteenth time.

“I swear if this is longer than three seconds–”

“Eight.”

He frantically kicks the air. “Fucking hell! I can’t believe I’m doing this right now, I miss the ground.”

“Seven.”

“We’ll be back down to earth sooner than you think, I’m telling you.”

“Six.”

“Oh my fucking god, oh my fuck–!”

“Five.”

“Oh fuck, holy shit–!”

“Jimin, I’ll be right beside you–”

“Four.”

“–the whole way.”

“OH MY FUCKING GOD?!”

“Thre–!”

Before the countdown can finish, you two plummet, plunging down at great speeds—a feral-sounding squawk leaving Jimin’s lips when it all happens.

He squeezes his eyes shut, refusing to see what was going on—letting go of your hand, he opts to hold onto the other handlebar on the restraint instead. His breath is caught in his throat, the ride is moving so fast that he can’t even produce any noise, let alone move his body.

Just like you have been saying this whole night, the ride ends in a blink of an eye. Or more specifically, three seconds, give or take.

Jimin slumps in his seat—fingers still curled so tightly around the handlebars that his knuckles turn pale.

You stick your head out of your restraint, craning your neck to look at him beside you, “Jimin, it’s done, it’s over.”

“Are you sure?” He mumbles.

“Open your eyes.”

His head slowly rises, eyes remaining shut. Cracking one eye slightly open, he loosens his grip on the handlebars before opening his eyes and letting out a deep sigh of relief.

"That wasn't so bad, right?" You beam, waiting for the restraints to be lifted.

"I wouldn't know, I had my eyes closed the whole time," he shyly admits, lifting the restraint off of him and unbuckling his seatbelt.

You two jump out of your seats, heading towards the gate and bidding the drop tower goodbye, juxtaposing afterthoughts lingering in the air.

"That felt so weird, I don't know if I wasn't able to move or if there wasn't enough time for me to react," he chuckles dryly while twining his hand with yours once again.

You smile, "Probably a little bit of both," you suggest, eyes scanning the park for any signs of a churro stand, "but hey, you survived!"

He smiles at that, teeth out and all, "We both did," he assures earnestly, "and now as an incentive, we are getting churros."

Your eyes light up—the sight of the bright neon sign being the next destination of the night. Jimin notices your sudden reaction, quickly looking in the same direction as you and pinpointing the small churro stand from afar.

To your luck, the line isn't very long—people are most likely preoccupied with the multitude of attractions that are only going to be available for this appropriate time of the year, taking advantage of the opportunity before having to wait for an entire year before getting to experience it all over again. But you and Jimin weren't like most people, and you two strongly believed that churros should be indulged in at any time during any situation. And right now, it was being utilized as a form of consolation, just in the shape of a deep-fried pastry sprinkled with cinnamon sugar.

After obtaining your consolation desserts, you two resume your journey around the park. Too preoccupied indulging in your churro, you’re temporarily able to block out the commotion that was occurring around you, keeping four out of five senses focused on said churro and churro only. 

“You feel better?” You ask, taking a brief moment to dust off all the cinnamon and sugar off the corners of your mouth. 

“Mmhmph,” he incoherently mumbles, after shoving half a churro into his mouth. He abruptly pauses, cheeks puffed up and eyes wide, realizing he can’t talk and instead he nods with a grin as wide as his mouth would allow him to stretch out. 

You giggle at his actions, taking your focus off of him to take another bite. 

A few moments later, when most of your churros noticeably nowhere to be seen, you ask, “Where should we go next?”

He cinches his brows together, “We probably shouldn’t go on anything to extreme, considering we just ate. How about the ferris wheel?” He suggests, pointing to the attraction that was standing in front of the two of you. 

You nod, “You’re right, these workers already go through enough. And we shouldn’t add cleaning vomit to the list.”

He chuckles, “Agreed. Let’s go, the line is pretty short!” He exclaims jubilantly, flashing you a mega-watt grin while pulling you along with him towards the gated entrance. 

Leaning against the gate, you two wait for the round of riders that were currently riding to finish, mindlessly scrolling on your phones to pass the time. 

The gate entrance opens, tearing your focus off of your phone and back to reality. The enormous and dazzling neon wheel that stood boldly enveloped your vision in replacement of your dim and dark-mode setted phone screen, making you blink a few times to adjust to its harsh hues. 

One of the carts comes to a halt, doors releasing as the group of friends inside it begin to grab their belongings and head out. The worker in charge motions you to step inside after they leave, the two of you following suit. When you two become situated and seated, they press a few buttons on their control panel, the doors promptly swinging close. A few brief seconds after, the cart jolts before moving just enough so the other people behind you could board onto the next cart.

The carts reminded you of the teacup ride at Disneyland—built in a circular shape, seats lined around the border with a small gap made for the entrance door, but of course, it was void of steering wheels in the middle. Now that would just be a recipe for disaster, and a solid segue into Jimin vomiting all over you.

He nudges your leg, “It’s so funny to me.”

You turn to him, “What is?”

“Out of all things to do while being here, and we’re riding the ferris wheel,” he beams, a light chuckle leaving his lips, “I don’t know whether to pity us or not.”

“All my pride has left me already and I’m okay with it,” you tut, lips unwillingly curling upward as you replayed the scenes of what had happened earlier at the drop zone, “I wouldn’t talk too much if I were you Mr. ‘I’m gonna piss my pants.” You tease, poking him in the side.

He scoffs, squirming slightly where you poked him, “I am still proud of myself, I didn’t think I was gonna make it up there.”

You turn away, holding in your laughter, “I didn’t think you were either.”

“Hey! Don’t even get me started on you,” he says, nose scrunching and brows furrowing, “those poor clowns were about to get their noses punched in if it wasn’t for me being there. I think your screams and threats were starting to scare them more than they were scaring me.” He fires back, giggles erupting in his throat and interrupting his words.

“I’m not even gonna argue against that. We are so sad,” you say—laughter flaring up in your chest as well, the two of you keeling over so hard the cart begins to swing back and forth.

“Woah! Woah! Woah! Easy there,” Jimin yelps as you two take notice of the movement and immediately cease your actions, hands grabbing the ends of the cart to try to stabilize it. 

Just as your cart has moved up enough for you to start seeing an overhead view of the park, he whips his phone out before saying, “Lemme take a picture of you, the view is so nice here.”

As he whips out his phone, you scoot to the other end of the cart as he brings his phone up to his face and focuses it on you. Naturally, you bring your hand up, hand changing to a trademark peace sign as you flashed a smile for the camera. He brings his phone down many lock screen worthy pictures later, happy with the result evident from the grin etched onto his face. 

“Your turn,” you say, motioning you two switch spots as you take your phone out of your pocket. 

Jimin, infuriatingly photogenic, simply sits while staring off into the distance, jaw on full display as you begin to rapidly snap pictures. Hearing your camera clicks he changes his position—turning towards you as the chilly wind blows through his hair, eyes crinkling and dazzling smile on full display that you can’t help but smile at the familiar yet all too breathtaking sight. 

Placing your phone in your lap, you scoot closer to him—leaning your back against his shoulder, you prop your legs up onto the seats. Turning towards you, he snakes his arms around your waist as his chest comes in contact with your back. You let yourself sink deeper into his grasp, conforming into his body as warmth spreads to your fingertips. Your head lulls back, falling into the space right below his collarbones as you stroke the back of his hands gingerly with the pad of your thumbs. He rests his chin on top of your head, the two of you simply admiring the view below. 

The ride still hasn’t started—people still boarding the ride as the carts momentarily halt and move from time to time. 

Not long after, your cart reaches the very top. 

Head peering over the edge, he turns back, “See, why did we have to go on the drop tower when we could’ve went here instead,” he grumbles, the peak of the tower standing nearly just as tall as the highest point of the ferris wheel to the point where you could stare directly ahead of you without tilting your head.

“Well that takes all the fun out of it,” you tease, making him frown, “Hey! You keep forgetting what you made me go through before that. Don’t think I’ve gotten over it that quickly.”

Looking displeased at your answer, he quirks a brow, “You seemed to be fine when we were riding the tower.”

“What can I say, you make a very good distraction.”

“I think I could say the same for you,” he proposes, “I swear I saw some of those clowns turn away and start laughing every time you threatened them. I was like ‘Yes! That’s my feisty girlfriend!” he cheers, pumping his fists into the air. You cower down in embarrassment, grinning to yourself while trying to swat his arm away. 

“I feel so burned out already though,” you say, head falling back into his chest, “I think it’s ‘cause we’re here at night.” 

“And because you track-starred your way through that entire maze,” he adds.

“That too.”

“I feel it too, we did more walking than anything else to be honest.” He says, which is very much true. The drop tower was all the way on the other side of the park and the churro stand took you guys a whole twenty minutes just to find. 

You hum, “Should we head out after this then?”

He rests his cheek on top of your head, “Yeah, if you want to.”

“I feel bad though, it feels like we just got here,” you admit, chuckling into his arm. 

He shakes his head, hands reaching over to play with the ends of your hair, “Don’t feel bad, I think we’re still hungover because of midterms. And besides, I’m hungry and I don’t wanna eat a ten dollar hotdog after just eating a stale ten dollar churro.”

“Yeah, we can just eat one dollar ramen, we’re still college students above everything.”

And you truly couldn’t argue with that. “Of course.”

Taking your hands off of his, you prop a hand onto the cart to sit yourself up onto the seats. He releases his hold on you, his arms returning back to his sides as the warmth of your body dissipates to his dismay. 

You adjust your sitting position so you could face him—reaching out to take one of his hands into your own. Your eyes bore into his, gazing into the pools of honey that were his irises. The view is slightly obscured as his eyes crinkle.

He smiles, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

You don’t even register that he’s speaking to you until he leans in slightly, his features starting to appear bigger as he starts to close the gap between you two. You shake your head once he gets so close in proximity that you could see each crinkle that etches themself on the sides of his eyes each time he grins. 

Your eyes flicker to his lips, taking notice of the action as you quickly revert back to his eyes. He smirks

“Thank you for taking me here,” you say as your eyes intently gaze into his once more, “above all the trepidation we’ve put each other through tonight, at least we’re here together.”

He nods, gratitude evident without him having to utter a single word. It’s as if time is frozen, everything around you stagnant and still, eyes boring into each other because nothing could just quite compare to this. Not even the surreal view of the city or the ability to see all the bustle within the amusement park or even the stars that littered the sky. 

You press your lips against his. Although you initiated the action, the sensation of his lips against yours, regardless of how natural, sends a flurry of shockwaves down your spine. Your body tingles—as if you’re floating and the cart you were sitting on wasn’t even there to support you. 

And he kisses you back. His lips are warm, welcoming, and comforting—like wrapping yourself in your favorite blanket in the comforts of your bed, the indescribable bliss as the fabric consumes your body and runs over your skin. 

Kissing him felt even more blissful than that.

The kiss isn’t fervent, but it’s full of longing. It’s as if he’s communicating to you, through the way his lips mesh against yours, that he plans on making up for all the lost time. Time that could’ve been spent doing things like kissing you, loving you wholeheartedly and unashamedly, was spent pining for each other with the label of being ‘best friends’ standing in the way for far too long. He wants to make up for it just as much as you do. 

He slides his hand under the crevice of your knee, pulling you closer to him as he continues to kiss you. You bring your hand up to his neck, entangling your fingers into his hair as you lightly scratched at the surface of his scalp. 

He kisses you like he’ll never get to again, which isn’t completely false—the fact that you two were so high up in the air to the point where the stars look tangible, basking in each other’s presence and each other’s presence only. 

Frustrated at the abnormal layout of the seating, he hooks his arms under your legs—hoisting you up and placing you in his lap so you were straddling him—incognizant of how the cart was starting to dip due to the unequal distribution of weight. 

The gesture makes you squeak, and you can start to feel him smile against your lips. Before you could do anything else, the cart totters—rocking a few times before moving, signaling that the ferris wheel is finally beginning its journey. 

“Oh fuck—!”

“Oh shit—!”

The two of you immediately detach from each other as you take notice of the unbalance, hurriedly leaping onto opposite sides of the cart while gripping onto the sides for dear life, the cart rocking back and forth at a concerning extent. You sneak glances at each other, your faces painted with the same expression of shock and distress.  

Seconds pass and the cart steadies—laughter instantaneously taking over the two of you.

“I think that’s our cue to leave,” he says, a little breathless while his body hunched over his seat.

“Remind me the next time we kiss to check if we’re less than a foot above the ground first,” you tease, playfully swatting his knee.

He grabs your hand, pressing a kiss onto your knuckles before shaking your intertwined hands up in the air—obnoxiously shouting into the frigid autumn wind, “Yes chief!” 

-

-

-

MASTERLIST

[lizbotw]

SEVEN MINUTES IN HELL: BAKUGOU’S ROUTE - DIADEM

YOU’VE CHOSEN A WINDING PATH: TURN BACK NOW (MASTERLIST)

pairing: bakugou x reader

summary: An attempt to blow off steam is your saving grace in the forest.

a/n: second route of my halloween collab with our favorite explosive boy and the prompt “firework’s lightshow” ♡ also, the title is a specific type of firework in case you were wondering! i think they might be my favorite kind actually lmao, they’re super pretty if you look at the differences between the different fireworks patterns!

warning: very mildly spicy in one part

word count: 3.9k

You could practically feel the impatience rolling off of him in waves from next to you. Outwardly, he was the picture of calm—or at least as calm as you could seem with your arms folded across your chest and your face set in a scowl. He was thinking and you could tell because his eyes weren’t fully focused on the spot on the floor he was supposedly glaring at.

It was hard to be sure in the dim light, but you knew that look anywhere.

It was clear he wanted to do something. The obvious choice when you had been trying to figure out how to get out of here had been to have him either go blasting off above the trees to find the way back to U.A.—if it was even close enough to see—or to set off a signal in hopes of someone catching sight of it. Then, of course, there was the issue of visibility that had put a halt in all plans of escape.

Yet there was still that small voice of reason within everyone’s head though that perhaps you were being overly cautious—Bakugou could still technically do it. You were hero course students, among the best of the best, a little rain and lack of sunlight shouldn’t stop you.

While Todoroki was good for the survival aspect, especially when it came to staying warm during the frigid night, Bakugou seemed like the key to the way out. It felt like everyone was expecting him to do something, just volunteer already—or, at least, you were pretty sure that’s what he felt like. The truth was, no one was expecting anything from him. The plan had been set to simply try to find a way out in the morning. Things would be better then and you knew all of you would have reacted the same way he did and held back a little from immediately rushing out to look for help in conditions like this.

Plus, you were pretty sure they felt it too. A weird tugging in your bones—you don’t know how but you just knew it had something to do with the forest not mixing well with your quirks. You could feel it.

You knew Todoroki and Iida had amazing stamina, honing their quirks from a young age in top hero families, but it seemed that even they had to take more frequent breaks than usual when they had been using their powers earlier. Kaminari’s attempt at sending out a signal had fizzled out and he was reluctant to try charging your phones, stopping every so often to take a deep breath.

All of them must’ve felt it, even if no one said anything. It was like the forest was trying to keep you here.

The feeling was so strong that it was the only thing that could keep someone like Bakugou from pushing past the cautious side of things and actually saying fuck it, he was going to do whatever he wanted. He was still tense though, feeling like he should do something (you could tell). He was the best and he was going to be your way out of here in his mind.

You noticed the way his fingers were digging into his forearms where they gripped and you felt terrible all over again.

You tentatively reached over, about to lay a hand on his arm. “Hey-”

“(Y/N)! Truth or dare?” Kaminari’s voice sliced through the air and you stiffened, quickly drawing your hand back and pushing it into your lap. You could feel the other’s eyes on you even though you were staring straight ahead at Kaminari, chest hot at the sudden choice to begin the game with you.

“Um…”

Bakugou shifted next to you, not really readjusting his position, but seeming like he just wanted to move. “This is stupid…”

“Yeah, you said that before, Bakugou. Lighten up a little, will you?” Kaminari was grinning, tone teasing, and it seemed that it was only you that had noticed Bakgou’s ansty nature. Maybe staying in a random cabin wasn’t the best idea. You started to feel a little trapped too and the onsets of a possible headache pounded in your skull. This all felt weird.

“How the fuck can I lighten up when we don’t know even know when we’ll get out of here?” You expected him to yell it, emotional and scoffing at how stupid the rest of you were being to be fine with sitting around—but that was the opposite of what happened. In fact, you would’ve preferred that to the alternative. Instead, his voice was flat, his brows still furrowed as his eyes seemed to take a special interest in tracing over the ridges in the floor. He refused to look at anyone and he seemed strained.

“Bakugou, come on, man. We’ll get out of this fine. Just give it a few more hours.” You weren’t sure if Kaminari was getting what Bakugou was feeling the same way you did, but he did seem to be choosing his words a little more carefully. That is until— “It’s almost like you want to get dared.” The light laugh that followed had your heart clenching because Kaminari why.

Bakugou finally looked up, staring Kaminari dead on. “Fine. I’ll play.”

That almost halted his laughter, turning it uneasy. “It’s not really your turn yet-”

“I said I’ll play.”

Kaminari seemed unsure now.

You bumped your arm with Bakugou’s and whispered, out of the side of your mouth, “Calm down.” He grunted in reply but made no other indication he was going to listen to you.

It seemed like Kaminari, after a brief second of back and forth with himself, had mustered up the courage to actually agree with Bakugou’s request. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

No one said anything for a moment and the crackling of the fire was the only noise.

Then, Kaminari released the tense breath you had all been holding. “I don’t know what’s with you, but you’re giving me a weird look—and not the standard I’m-going-to-kill-you one either.” The others were silent, although it looked like Midoriya wanted to say something with how he was leaning slightly forward, biting at his lip like he was forcing the words back down. Kamianri continued, trying to lighten the strange mood that had settled over all of you, “I dare you to chill out. Seriously, we’re going to be fine. Ha, didn’t know you were that worried about me, dude.”

The cheeky comment was apparently the wrong thing to say because before you knew it, Bakugou had risen to his feet beside you. “Okay.” And then he made for the door, opening and slamming it shut behind him. Everyone was left blinking at where he had just stood.

It happened so fast you weren’t sure if it had been real, although the sudden coldness at your side gave you the answer to that question.

“Are we still going to play?” Jirou broke the silence. No one was sure if they should go after him or give him a moment to clear his head.

“Um…,” Kaminari was dumbfounded for a moment as his eyes kept going back and forth between the spot where Bakugou had sat and the door he had just left through, “Yeah… sure… who wants to go next?”

“It was (Y/N)’s turn,” Jirou supplied helpfully, leaning back to rest on her hand. Were they just trying to pretend that nothing had happened? Being here sure was starting to make everyone act different.

“Right. (Y/N)-”

You cut him off. “I dare myself to go check up on him. Be right back.” You scrambled to your feet and within a few heavy steps you were pushing open the door and stepping out into the cool night air, surely leaving the group to lament the loss of yet another player.

You hugged your arms around you as the door swung shut and the glow of the fire was left long behind you—if you thought it had been bad inside, out here was freezing. “Bakugou?” He was nowhere in sight, although you knew he couldn’t have gotten far.

You took a quick glance around the edges of the cabin, covered in moss from years of disuse (you would have expected a lot more though if this had been truly been abandoned… you pushed the thought out of your mind), looking to see if he’d turned a corner. Unlikely. There was no way he wanted to be near here right now.

Then that leaves… your gaze slowly shifted to it. The forest. Of course he would.

You toyed with the idea in your mind for a bit, wondering if you should just call it quits and head back inside.

...fine, you would just briefly check and if you couldn’t find him, you’ll turn back right away to avoid getting lost. He probably had some grand secret hiding place if he wasn’t there anyway. Without thinking, you walked forward and beyond the trees, not seeing any point in hesitating.

Cautious to watch your step, you began to pick your way through the area, each hum of nature, hoot of a faroff owl, and chirp of a cricket making your heart race. It didn’t take long for you to see a flash of movement up ahead—you had been right, he’d come to the riskiest place to be alone right now.

Your steps picked up in speed as you rushed after him, closing the distance easily. “Where the hell are you going?” you hissed, “There’s a reason we’re all staying inside.”

He didn’t answer, but you hurried to catch up and fell into pace next to him, trying to search for any signs of his thoughts on his face. The moonlight coming through the branches wasn’t much help and everything was shrouded in shadows.

“Bakugou.” No answer. “Bakugou.”

“Where does it look like I’m going?”

You didn’t expect the sudden response and faltered momentarily in your steps before you quickly recovered. “What?”

“Where does it look like I’m going?”

“I don’t know! Maybe somewhere you shouldn’t be?”

“I’m getting us out of here.”

“Yeah, in the morning.”

“No, now.”

“Bakugou, you’re impossible.”

“You’re one to talk.”

This time you actually stopped walking and although he continued for a few more steps, he eventually stopped as well, a few paces in front and his back to you.

“What do you mean?” Your voice sounded small.

“What? You’re the same way when we’re at U.A.”

“I don’t-”

“The sports festival?”

“Well-”

“How many times did I have to stop you before you hurt yourself?”

You bit your tongue when he turned to face you now. You could say the same about what you did for him.

The moonlight barely reached this part of the forest, although you knew what he probably looked like right now—you knew his facial expressions, his hard stares, the way he twisted his mouth for brief flashes when he tried to hold in emotions.

Bakugou rubbed at the back of his neck before he came back to stand next to you wordlessly, passing through a patch of moonlight before pausing in the darkness with you. You were about to say something when he reached a hand up to flick at your shoulder.

“Wha-”

“Leaf.”

Right. You were in a forest. “Thanks.”

“Mhm.”

You stared at each other for a while and suddenly it felt like all the fall layers you had on were too much—who was messing with the thermostat in this forest? Not necessarily because of him (although, maybe he was a factor... who knows?), just… in general. You wanted to go home.

“You still got first.” The dark shadows made it difficult to see his face and you shifted to get a better look at him, accidentally bumping into the tree behind you. You reached a hand behind you to steady yourself against the trunk. “At the sports festival I mean,” you quickly added for clarification, “even though you kept trying to babysit me.”

“I did.”

There was the unspoken agreement to drop the matter—you knew he was still bitter over what felt like a false win to him.

“I’ll get first now too,” he said quietly and you knew what he meant. He was still set on finding the way out. Your hand darted out automatically, grabbing his arm before he could try to go off on his own again.

He tried to shake off your hold but when you held fast, he gave up relatively quickly, twisting his wrist around to grip your arm as well. It was mutual now. Always something equal between you two.

“Why the fuck do you keep stopping me? Don’t you want to get out of here?”

“Not if it means we get lost in the middle of the night.”

“Don’t you have your phone?”

You tapped against your pocket to feel if the device was there. Empty—you’d left it with Kaminari to charge. Not that there was any reception out here anyway. “No. Do you have yours?”

“No. I was going to say we could use the flashlight and then it wouldn’t be as bad.”

You fully leaned back against the trunk of the tree now, not caring if it ruined your jacket, your legs tired from standing up already. You were still holding onto each other’s arms and his grip was starting to hurt a little bit. Bastard. You tightened yours to make it even again. “You could just use your quirk, you know.”

You felt his fingers flex against your arm at the idea and even with the minimal light you could tell he was pressing his lips into a thin line. “You feel it too, don’t you?”

Of course you knew what he meant—the weird quirk suppressing feeling. “Yeah.”

Bakugou grumbled, no longer studying your face, but now observing his free hand, as if that would reveal some sort of secret. “I can’t do anything like this. For fuck’s sake, I fucking hate it-” In response to his anger, a few sparks flared up his palm, although you could see what he meant—they were dull, as though something was actively putting them out.

In the brief light, you could see his eyes dart to you as if he wanted to make the most of the illumination as well and take in what you looked like. You could see where the cold had nipped at his skin, and the way his expression was slightly less tense now that it was just the two of you and—

And then it was dark again and you were all but left with only his silhouette. It felt darker now that you had experienced that brief taste of light and you considered asking him to do it again.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Bakuogu suddenly asked and you were caught off guard.

“Like what? You can’t even see me.”

“I saw you just now though. You’re making that face.”

“What face?”

“That face you’re always making at me during times like this and-” He cut himself off and shook his head, knowing this was going nowhere, although you had a feeling you knew what he meant. He had been giving you the same look as well—one that was indescribable. “Nevermind.” He was back to looking at his hand, flexing his fingers—the dark shapes twisted in front of you as you watched him, not able to make out the details of the lines on his fingers or the area where his sleeve met his wrist.

“What’s wrong?” You knew he was thinking about earlier when all seven of you had tried to come up with a plan to find a way out, but you still felt the need to ask.

“I would’ve done something—”

“I know you would’ve.”

You felt his harsh glare on you even if you couldn’t see it. “Will you let me finish a sentence for once, for fuck’s sake?”

You held up your hand in surrender, smiling—even if he couldn’t see you—at how easy it was to rile him up. He studied your darkened form as if making sure you were truly going to be quiet before he continued.

“I was going to do something—I would’ve—but my hands were feeling weird and I knew I couldn’t make a proper explosion.”

You nodded—you felt the same way with your quirk—and then remembered he couldn’t really see you and stopped.

“I didn’t want to be in the middle of doing whatever and suddenly my power supply cuts out. Don’t need anyone seeing that shit.”

“Bakugou, it’s fine.”

“It’s not because I know you wanted to catch the rerun of that dumb old Halloween movie on T.V. tonight.”

“Do you mean-”

“I don’t care about the name so don’t tell me.”

Typical, Bakugou. The thought had you grinning as you pulled on his arm to tug him closer to you because you were suddenly feeling cold again. He was fluid with your movement as he stepped closer like you wanted. “I didn’t think you’d remember.”

You just knew he was rolling his eyes. “Of course I remember. You wouldn’t shut up about it for the past week.”

“Yeah, but still. That’s cute.”

“That’s what?”

“Cute.”

He didn’t immediately shut it down and after mulling it over, seemed to accept the term. His head dropped down to rest on your shoulder now and you let him, supporting the pressing weight as you readjusted yourself against the tree trunk.

“I guess,” he breathed out.

“You’re always cute.”

“Okay, I fucking get it, can you shut up now?” You felt his scowl against the part just below your shoulder where his mouth was almost brushing against due to the angle.

“Okay, okay, but get off. You’re tickling me.” You were laughing at the feeling of him talking against your shoulder now and lifted it up to your ear as you tried to pull away. He relented, straightening up a little, but not moving completely away yet, and as you slid back into place, comfortable against the trunk, you realized he was but a hair’s breadth away. There was a small bit of moonlight that came in from between the branches of the tree and positioned like this he fell right into its path. Only half of his face was lit up, but it was enough to see the crimson iries that bored into your own.

“I’ll watch it with you when we get back,” he whispered.

“The movie?”

“Yeah. I checked in case we didn’t have time to watch it today—didn’t fucking think we’d be bsuy doing this though—and they’re showing it again tomorrow. Halloween night.”

“That sounds good.” You breathed in. “Make me popcorn?”

“You fucking bet.”

Neither of you could think of anything to say, but you lean forward to playfully bump your nose against his. His eyes closed at the action and there was an irregular thumping in your heart when he started to tilt his head. Steeling yourself, you let your eyes fall shut too, anticipating the warmth.

That is, until a loud crackle rang out through the forest and you harshly pulled back from each other in surprise, startled. You hit your head against the trunk behind you and brought up a hand to run at the sore spot. Bakugou had released your arm in his haste and you could still feel the imprint of his bruising grip (your own grip had been loosened on his arm when you’d gotten distracted by the proximity before, so when he pulled away you easily let go).

“What was that?” Your voice was hoarse and you cleared your throat, eyes darting around the area.

“I don’t know…” You saw him looking down at his hands now, remembering that he was almost entirely defenseless like this. If it was something objectively “bad,” you would for sure be in big trouble. It didn’t look like he was worried about himself though—more so about protecting you (as strange as it seemed) even though you’d proven yourself to be more than capable of taking care of yourself on countless occasions (then again, that had been before whatever quirk zapping magic had descended upon your group).

You rested a hand on his arm. “Maybe we’ll find someone if we follow it.”

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever-” Another faint crackle rang out and above the trees there was a flash of light—someone was definitely here.

You looked at him now with the same I-told-you-so tilt of your head and raise of your eyebrows you knew he hated and you knew he could picture you doing it as clear as day even if he couldn’t see anything.

“Fucking fine, let’s just go already.”

It didn’t take the two of you long to get closer to the source of the noise since every few seconds it sounded again, and the colorful lights in the night sky were enough to keep drawing your attention in the right direction. Bakugou kept stopping to make sure you were following him and keeping up, but whenever you waved him off because you were fine, he would just grumble and pretend like he hadn’t been looking behind him for your sake at all.

Within a few minutes you emerged onto a cliffside, the area clear. In the distance below it, you could make out what looked to be glimmering city lights (which was alarming enough) and as you walked closer to the edge—

“Is that-”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” Not far away from the cliff, U.A. towered from its place atop the hill it always sat upon—the campus illuminated as part of the ongoing holiday celebrations. You could see now that fireworks were being set off from there. You had been this close all along.

You were caught up in admiring the display—and slowly lowered yourself to sit at the edge of the cliff, legs dangling over the edge, eyes on the bursting lights—until you remembered the past few hours and what this meant. You quickly moved to scramble to your feet— “Bakugou, have to tell the others-” —but found a weight pushing you back down into place.

Bakugou sat down next to you with a thump on the hard packed ground, swinging his legs over the edge of the cliff to mimic your position.

“Bakugou?”

“We’ll tell them later,” he mumbled, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you against him. You thought about protesting but then— “Ten minutes. Give me ten minutes.” You couldn't tell what he was thinking and his voice concealed it well, although you understood the implications of his words.

“Okay.” And then you were quiet, settling against him as another string of fireworks went off—U.A.’s annual week-long Halloween light show—brilliant variant colors that twisted into various shapes lighting up the night sky against the sparkling stars, moonlight bright now when paired with the hustle and bustle of Musutafu down below. It was still chilly, but you felt strangely warm now and… free? You realized the weight of the forest was gone. In its place you felt a comforting pressure—warm and spreading through your body, and as you sat there and listened to Bakugou’s beating heart, you decided you had an inkling of what it might be.

YOU’VE REACHED THE END OF THE PATH: RETURN TO THE CABIN

[thewritingginger]

Naughty list 7 for Beelzebub and naughty list 13 for Belphegor with f!reader please and thank you!

Thank you Lovely for your request and your patience for me to get this done. I do have the Beel one on my WIP list as well :3

This one was a bit interesting for me cuz it’s not smut but also not fluff it just... idk what to call it 😂 But not in a bad way I did have fun writing it.  just something new for me and I'm a bit unsure but that could be bc it’s 7 am and I’m a bit sick lol

Prompt:  Naughty #13: “I need you to pretend to be my s/o.” “Why? You hate me!” Fandom: Obey Me! Pairing: Belphegor x F! Reader Word Count: 2,438 words Warning(s): may cause slight annoyance :)

Enjoy~

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You spot Belphegor pass the end of the hall, saying goodbye to your friends you rush over. Stopping by him, slightly out of breath as he stands straight from the water fountain.

“Hey Belphie.” You say sweetly with a small smile. Belphegor looks you up and down with a raised brow. “Uh, hi.” He responds slowly, readjusting his backpack strap as he turns to leave.

“So how’s your day been?” You ask, walking at his pace.

“What do you want Y/n?” He asks curt. Stopping he leans against the wall, arms crossed. Looking at you through his brows, unamused.

“What do you mean? I’m just trying to make conversation with you.” You say innocently.

Rolling his eyes he kicks off the wall and continues down the hall. Not getting ten steps in front of you, you stop him again. “Wait-” You huff. He turns your way. He waits, shaking his head, tuning his hands up signaling you to spit it out already. You sigh,

“I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend.” You say, wincing at the idiocy of your request. If you can even call it that. You’re practically begging him to, ‘Gosh really Y/n, “need” him to?’ You mentally slap yourself, not noticing the grin on his face. Snapping back when you hear him snort a bit. Trying to remain calm cause lord knows you need him to agree. For a moment there is just silence. Seeing him process your question a bit more. Then he speaks,

“Why? You hate me.” His statement punctuated with an amused half cut smirk. Taking in a deep breath through your nose, contemplating your rebuttal. Because the truth is, you don’t hate the guy. Sure, he’s probably the most annoying being to ever exist in all the three worlds, but that doesn’t mean you hate him. Clearing your throat you respond,

“No I don’t hate you. We just don’t know each other enough.” You smile.

“Uh huh. So me pretending to be your boyfriend will do just that, huh?” He says. His face cracks with amusement once again as he watches your face twist in annoyance.

“Look, why don’t you just ask one of my brothers? They like you.” He says as he backs away symbolizing he’s done with this conversation.

You sigh annoyed. ‘Yeah like I haven’t thought of that before, Dickhead.’ You had thought about it before but that didn’t go down well.

You didn’t dare ask Lucifer well because, he’s Lucifer.

Mammon would only accept if you paid him to and even though you were in need of a prop-up boyfriend you weren’t that desperate.

Both Levi and Satan were busy the day you would need them.

And lastly there was Beel. You would’ve asked him but… on Halloween Beel was plastered and drunkenly confessed that he really liked you. After that night he hadn’t seemed awkward about doing it and you never told him he did it either.

So that left you with the youngest one that just walked away from you.

~~~

Why do you need a pretend boyfriend, you ask? Well in a phone call with your family talking about arrangements for New Years. Your mother wouldn’t shut up about the amazing guy your cousin is dating and how he’s coming to the New Years Eve party, and whilst your mom was babbling on about it you zoned out and when she asked if you had a ‘special someone’ you absentmindedly said ‘yeah’. And before you knew it she told you to bring him around and said her goodbyes as you tried to correct the situation. But it was too late.

And now you need a boyfriend.

~~~

Back at the house of Lamentation heading towards your bedroom you spot Belphegor going into his room. Taking another chance you dropped your book bag at your door and rushed over to him.

“Belphe-” Cut off by the door in your face, you roll your head back in frustration but not defeat. You had to do this! You hate to say it but he really is your last hope for this.

Knock Knock Knock.

No response. You sigh once again trying to keep your cool.

Knock Knock Knock

Your hits get a bit heavier with each one. Then finally he opens the door.

“What?” He says with a huff.

“I need to talk to you. I -” You begin to say as he rolls his eyes starting to close the door once again. Stopping the door with your palm you finally put your pride aside.

“Belphegor, please ~” Your words come out slow. Hating to beg the demon but knowing you had to at this point. The pressure on the door lightens. Belphegor stands behind the door and sighs.

“Fine.” He says. Opening the door for you to enter. Sitting down on his bed, he looks up at you waiting for you to speak. “Like I said before I kinda need you to be my ‘boyfriend’ for a night.” You say. His blank stare boring into you, “Yes you did but you failed to mention why. What, do you secretly have a crush on me.” He says with an amused grin. Your reaction only made it better,

“Tsk you wish. The reason I need you is because I’m going home for New Years and my mom thinks I’m bringing home a boyfriend.” You say with your arms crossed.

“Why would she think that?” He asks. Pursing your lips, hating your answer you sigh. “I may have accidentally told her I did when I wasn’t paying attention.” You say, refusing to look at what you’re sure is a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Ha ha oh my god. You’re more stupid than I thought.” He says laughing. Your face heats up with anger, before you can say anything he cuts you off. “You know what, I’ll do it.” He says standing up. Your anger subsides a bit when you hear those words. Slight relief sweeps through you. “Really?” You ask, happy but slightly shocked. “Yup.” He says walking past you, opening the door.

“I’ve been told it’s good to do charity. And besides this seems too funny to miss out on.” He says, walking out leaving you angry once again. ‘Guh, what an asshole!’ you think to yourself storming out of his room.

~~~

It’s New Years Eve and you are getting ready to leave devildom with Belphegor to the human world. Picking up your jacket and purse you leave your room. “Ok, let’s go.” you say to no one walking down the stairs, Belphegor waiting by the door dressed in jeans, a dark teal blazer, and a black shirt. He turns to speak but hesitates a second when he takes in your appearance. Rushing down the stairs the hem of your black velvet dress rode up your thighs a bit, your hair messily framing your face and your cheeks rosy from rushing around to get ready. “Phew, okay, I’m ready!” You say sliding your heels on at the base of the stairs. Standing straight smoothing the front of your dress you look up to see Belphegor looking at you. “What are you looking at? Are you ready?” You ask, putting on your coat. “Yeah I’m ready. Let’s get this over with.” He says opening the door.

Pulling into the driveway of your parents home you turn off the car and turn to Belphegor. “Ok like I said before, they might ask questions, especially my mother! And please, please try not to make an absolute fool in there.” You say. Belphegor laughs at your pleas. “Don’t worry I won't make a fool out of you on purpose, you  do that well enough on your own.” He says with a chuckle. Man, he really knows how to get under your skin.

“Okay, okay. I’ll go in there and act like any other boyfriend.” He says with a patronizing smile. Pursing your lips trying to hold yourself back from slapping him, instead you just get out of the car. You knock on the door as you wait, Belphegor comes up behind you and you see him holding a bouquet of sunflowers. “What are you~” You’re cut off by your mother. “Well hello. Please, come on in, you'll freeze out there.” She says opening your family home to the both of you. Before you can introduce Belphegor, he’s already ahead of you.

“Thank you. These are for you.” He says handing your mother the flowers. “Oh my, they’re beautiful… oh I never even got your name.” Your mother says with a smile. Chuckling back he responds. “I’m Belphegor. And I’m glad you like them, you know sunflowers represent happiness and longevity which is not only what I hope for you this coming year but also for my time with your daughter here.” He says, pulling you in by your side, looking down at you with a smile. Your mother seemingly swooning. You smile back, “What the hell are you doing?” You ask through your teeth. “Fulfilling my end of the agreement, and taking what I want cause I don’t recall you ever telling me what I’d get in return.” He says. You fake a laugh, “What do you mean ‘get in return’?” You ask. Turning you to face him, lifting your chin. “You don’t think I came here out of the goodness of my heart do ya? I came here to have a bit of fun and I’m already just getting started.” He says. Giving you a sly look he kisses your hand sweetly before rushing over to your mother, “Please let me help you with those.” He says walking with your mother before looking back at you.

‘Oh he’s good. But two can play at that game, Buddy!’

As the night goes on you two continue to seem a convincing couple. Good to know his lying can actually be of some help in this situation. “So Y/n how did you manage to land such a charming guy?” Your cousin asks. 

You hate it! How can they love him so much? 

“Um well~” You start, when you feel Belphegor wrap his arm around your shoulders. “Well we actually met through my brothers.” He says. “Oh how many brothers do you have?” Your mother asks. “I’m actually the youngest of seven. And my twin brother introduced me to this girl and ever since that day I’ve wanted her by my side.” He says, with his left arm around your shoulders, his right hand makes its way on your bare knee. Laughing you look at him with warning eyes as you take his hand off you. Your family chuckles at your “puppy love” moment.

“So how long have you been together to be exact, because somehow up until a couple weeks ago Y/n had failed to mention you.” Your mother says looking at you. ‘Oh brother.’ You think to yourself. “About a year.” You say. “And here I thought it was longer. I guess that's just wishful thinking, huh.” Belphie says, looking at you with a smirk.

‘I’m gonna kill him.’

“You know if we let the love over there get too strong, we might be seeing a new addition to the family sooner than we’d think.” One of your family friends says, chuckling into his glass. The whole table starts to chuckle as your eyes widen. “O-oh no, not now.” You stutter. “Looks like my baby is blushing. She is always more amusing this way.” Belphegor says. “Haha ok enough of that. What time is it anyways?” You ask trying to get this night over with.

“It’s almost 11:40.” Says your mother. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re counting down the minutes till you can kiss me.” Belphie says, leaning into you. “Yeah, no. I couldn’t think of a worse way to start my year.” You say into your glass.

“Ok guys the ball is dropping! Count down in 10…  Standing before Belphegor he just smirks. “Make sure you don’t fall in love with me after this.” He says. You almost gag, “Yeah, no problem.” you say.

Everyone chanted the countdown,

“3”

“2”

“1”

“Happy New Year!” Everyone exclaims.

Looking at each other Belphegor puts his hand behind your neck and pulls you in. Your lips touch. A second passes, still connected. The hand in your hair tightens slightly and his lips move with yours. Your mouths dance together one second and parted the next. The expectant feeling of disgust never came, rather the moment wasn’t that bad. You stand there in his grasp for a few more seconds, eyes locked. Looking up at him you notice something in his eyes you've never seen before, but it’s gone just as soon as it comes. “I think we should go before you try and kiss me again.” He says. “If you keep talking you’re sooner to get slapped, than kissed.” You say walking past him, making him laugh.

It’s nearing 1am when you and Belphegor are taking your leave, “You know you two can stay till the morning since it’s late.” Your mom offers. “No we have things to do tomorrow and I’d rather not travel in the morning.” You say hugging your mom. “Well, drive safely and Belphegor you’re always welcome in our home.” Your mom says making him smile. Taking her hand in his he places a small kiss on the back of hers, “Your hospitality is too much.” He says. You see your mom swoon once again. ‘Damn he is good.’  

Finally in the car you sigh in relief. “Glad that’s over.” You say. “Yeah. When are we coming back? Maybe we can bring Beel, he’d love that- well, everything your mom made.” He says turning the car on. “Uh, what do you mean ‘coming back’? This was a one night deal.” You say laughing. “Well your mom said she’d love to see me again and I’d say I had a pretty good time playing with you tonight. So i feel it would really be a win-win situation.” He says.  “How is that a win for me though.” You ask with your arms crossed.

“Well it’s a win for you cause you’ll get to kiss me again. I rather enjoyed the look you had after the first time” He says with a smirk. You finally hit his shoulder.

“I did not have a ‘look’ after kissing you.” You argue.

“Yes you did.” He says back.

“No I didn’t!” You say with more force

“Yes you did.” 

And this went on back and forth the whole ride home. You knew asking him was a bad idea.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope you enjoyed this, and that you have a great New Years or when ever you find yourself reading this :3

💛 ~

[sevlgi]

mirror

requested: no

group: twice

pairing: nayeon x fem!reader

genre: fluff

contents: princess!nayeon, witch!reader.  [31/33]

warnings: none

synopsis: It’s always odd for a princess to show up at a witch’s door, even if said princess is just looking for a magic mirror.

a/n: this is the 2nd royalty thing i’ve done in a row but... WITCH! AND! PRINCESS! AU! WITH! NAYEON!  also happy halloween everyone! i hope you all have a nice day, stay safe!

word count: 1k

The last person you ever expected to visit your shop was a princess.

Nayeon’s kingdom was one of the most prosperous in the realm, so it wasn’t like she was lacking for money as the crown princess. And as far as you knew, she owned a dozen palaces across her territory, each one decorated with the most expensive materials possible.

And yet, you found her wandering outside of your home on that fateful evening.

She was nothing less than the most beautiful girl you’d ever seen, pink dress and sparkling tiara looking completely out of place in the woods. But she bowed to you and smiled, something no royalty had ever done in your presence before. “You’re Y/N Y/L/N, aren’t you?”

“I am.” Of course you didn’t mean to sound so defensive, but the princess was unperturbed as you shifted your basket of herbs on your hip. “May I ask what the crown princess wants with me?”

“I heard you peddle pretty things,” Nayeon shrugged, continuing to observe your cottage. She was confusingly calm about seeing purple flames on your doorway and vines that moved on their own, delicate hands clasped between the folds of her skirts. “Don’t you?”

You raised an eyebrow, brushing past her to wave your hand at the door. It banged open, and you inclined your head at the doorway. “Take a look for yourself.”

Nayeon inhaled sharply at the interior; it was charmed, of course, to be an endless room with ceilings probably higher than her castles’. Trinkets were piled into endless mountains all over, gold and jewels glinting on the floor. “Wow,” she breathed out, spinning in a circle.

“Don’t you see enough of these on your own?” you chuckled, waving your hand to create stairs leading up to the balcony. The princess gingerly tested out the floating wooden blocks, hands held out before her for balance. “What can I help you with, princess?”

She sighed in relief when she finally reached the balcony, eyes still wide at the walls upon walls of supplies and potions. “Ah... I do. But I’m looking for something special today.”

“Pray tell.”

She bent down to stare at a toad in a bottle, squeaking out when its eyes moved. “A mirror,” she explained, watching you unload your herbs. “I want a magic mirror.”

You looked up at her, exhaling as you observed the brunette. It’s easy to see why so many princes and princesses alike are infatuated with her; she’s pretty in an incredibly charming way, charisma practically oozing out. Nayeon’s sharp, too, and seemingly brave enough to ask a witch for a magic mirror. “What kind?” you questioned, leaning over the balcony to peer at all the things you’d acquired over the years.

She shrugged, flashing you a bunny-like smile that almost melted your heart. Almost. “I don’t know, why don’t you explain them to me?”

It wasn’t like you to help people, especially not the very royalty that had exiled you in the first place, but there was just something irresistible about the princess. Maybe it was just the fat pouch of gold she had brought with her.

But more likely, it was the way she actually listened to you speak. It was the way Nayeon was genuinely interested in what you had to say and asked the good questions, the way she never once stopped you in the middle of something.

In the end, she chose a pretty, smaller mirror that she could hang on her wall, with heavy gemstones embedded in a golden frame. She didn’t question what kind of mirror it was, and you didn’t tell her; all you did was accept the money she handed you, even though it was more than the mirror was worth, and hoped that she’d come back.

To your surprise, she did.

It barely took a week for the princess to show up at your cottage again, this time in a gorgeous rich purple gown that could feed a family for a year. “Na-Princess?” you corrected as you realized bodyguards stood behind her. They carried a wrapped-up package, presumably the mirror you sold her.

“Y/N,” she smiled, inclining her head slightly. “Mind letting me in?”

“Uh, sure,” you frowned, waving at the door again. “What for?”

“There’s a problem with the mirror,” Nayeon explained, allowing the guards to bring the mirror in first. Before you could ask for details, though, she shooed the men out and gave them instructions to return in an hour, slamming the door shut.

You laughed in disbelief, hands on your hips. “There isn’t a problem, is there?”

“No,” she sighed, relaxing her posture. You didn’t realize how stiff she’d seemed around her guards at first, until she smiled sweetly again at you. “I just wanted to get out of the castle, and I have no other friends.”

“No other friends, huh?” You unwrapped the mirror gently to see it again; thankfully, there was still a pretty spark to the gems. “Who said we were friends?”

“Me,” Nayeon exclaimed, pouting cutely. “I’m the princess, you’ll do as I say.”

Shaking your head, you straightened back up. “Childish,” you teased, stairs appearing beside you. “Well, since you’re here, you might as well come help me.”

She grinned, bounding up the stairs after you. “I can? What can I help with?”

Once again, you were surprised at her willingness to learn and her enthusiasm for everything. Despite the fact that she couldn’t tell thyme from rosemary, the girl’s twinkling laugh and personality made you wish that she could visit more often. But that was just the fact that she handed you money at the end, stiffening when her guards arrived.

“I’ll be back in a week for you to finish the repairs,” Nayeon called as she walked away, turning to grin again. “Bye, Y/N.”

“Bye,” you smiled, closing the doors again. Your heart pattered loudly in your chest as you set the money aside, cheeks heating at the thought of the princess visiting you again.

It was still the money, of course. 

[tricksters-captain]

Weasley Twins/Cedric Diggory Imagines - Accidental Meeting - Part 3

AN: Another day... another part!! Honestly I can’t write this story down quick enough so I thought I’d post another part for y’all!! Let me know if you’d like to be added to a tag list!!!

Overall Summary: (Y/n), is a young witch who always kept her head down due to her complicated past; one day she bumps quite literally into one of the most popular boys in Hogwarts, Cedric Diggory, and that’s when (Y/n)’s plan of keeping her head down seems to go up into the air. Things only seem to worsen when two redheaded twins start to take notice too...

This Chapter: As Halloween draws near, you receive news from your uncle about your parents and the ministry. You try burying yourself in your studies to keep your mind off things when Professor Lupin only seems to make it worse...

PART 1 // PART 2

Pairing(s): Cedric Diggory x Reader, (Eventual) George Weasley x Reader, (Platonic) Fred Weasley x Reader, (Platonic) Oliver Wood x Reader

Word Count: 2,398

Warnings: None, Angst

You sat at breakfast beside Wood and Angelina, the Weasley twins opposite. 

“Looks like you’ve really caught his eye there, (y/n).” Fred piped up from across you. 

“What?” You furrowed your eyebrows at the boy as you finished a spoonful of cereal.

“He’s looked this way about 7 times since sitting down.” George muttered, 

“Not to mention the other 6 when he walked in.” Fred added. 

You peaked over your shoulder to see Cedric sat with his usual group of Hufflepuffs. 

“You two are obsessed.” You rolled your eyes at the boys as you forced yourself not to turn and look again. 

“Mails here.” Wood announces as if the sudden eruption of wings and squawks didn’t alert everyone enough. 

You were surprised to see your owl fly into the great hall with a letter in its mouth. The only person who you ever sent mail or received mail from was your uncle. 

You reached up and grabbed the letter as he fell from the birds beak. 

You could see from the handwriting on the outside of the envelope that it was definitely from your uncle. 

It wasn’t completely strange to receive a letter from him during term time but it wasn’t a usual occurrence. 

“Who’s it from?” Oliver asked, 

“My uncle.” You admitted, contemplating whether to open it there or later in private. 

“Prob’ly asking whether you’re gonna come home for Christmas break or stay here.” Oliver said as he bit into an apple. 

“I already told him I’d be staying here as it’s your last Christmas at Hogwarts, I thought we’d stay here and celebrate together.” You stated, deciding to open the letter now.

“Get a broom closet you two.” Fred teased you. You retaliated by wrapping your arms around Oliver and resting your head on his shoulder, batting your eyelashes at the twins. Oliver just shook his head at you. 

You retracted your arms from Oliver and picked your letter back up to read it. 

(Y/n), 

The Ministry finally agreed to speak to me. They’ve claimed that the security in Azkaban has been double, tripled and that no other prisoners will be escaping. They specified that since Lorelei and Mikael are high threat that they will be watched consistently but Sirius Black was high threat too and look where he is now.

I feel they aren’t telling me the full picture. It was hard enough getting them to discuss Lorelei and Mikael at all. They just like to pretend Death Eaters don’t even exist anymore. Lock them behind bars and forget about them. 

I know we are all anxious about the idea of them escaping like Black did but I am keeping my ear to the wall. If anything is spoken about them or a possible escape then I should be the first to know. I won’t let them leave that godforsaken place without a fight. You should focus on your studies, try not to worry about your parents. Hogwarts is surrounded by dementors, I hear, so they will protect you for now. 

- Demetrius 

“What did he say?” Oliver asked as you closed the letter. 

“Just something about the Ministry.” You sent him a look that said you would tell him later as you felt it was too crowded to discuss your parents right now.

“What do you have?” You changed the topic by asking Oliver what he was doing this morning as you picked up your book bag.

“Defence against the dark arts then divination.” He told you as he rose from the table. 

“I have some study periods this morning so I think I’m going to go to the library. I’ll see you later.” You parted ways outside the great hall as you headed towards the library. You then tucked the letter into your bag and reminded yourself to show Oliver later. 

You found an empty table tucked away in a corner beween two book shelves, before finding a few books to help you with your study of Ancient Runes homework. 

“Do you mind if I join you?” A voice you were starting to know well tore you away from your parchment and you glanced up to see Cedric stood with his hand wrap around the strap of his backpack. 

“Will I actually be able to study if you sit with me or are you going to distract me?” You narrowed your eyes at the boy with a light humour. 

“I swear not to distract you.” He held his hands up in defence and you smiled, nodding your head to signal for him to sit. 

“What are you studying?” Cedric asked as he sat. 

“Distracting.” You announced, sending him a side glance. “Ancient Runes.” You caved and answered after the following few seconds of silence. 

“Ah.” Cedric nodded, taking his own parchment and books out. 

You both sat quietly, the only sounds being the turning of pages and the scratching of your quills but, after a short while, you found yourself sneaking secret glances towards the boy.

You watched his brow crease in concentration and his eyes flicker across the pages he was reading. A few locks of his soft brown hair fell forward and his lips parted slightly as he focused. 

Cedric caught you looking at one point, raising his head and smiling widely at you. 

“Distracting?” He asked, 

“Just making sure you are actually working and not writing down some quidditch strategy like Oliver does.” You were quick to come up with an excuse but Cedric wasn’t stupid. 

“What do you have next? I can walk you to your next class.” Cedric suggested. 

“Charms.” You told him, “If you walk me, you’ll probably be late to your own class.” 

“Why are you so worried about being seen with me?” Cedric leaned towards you, folding his arms on the chair in between you both with a curious look on his face. 

“I’m not worried.” You objected, “I just said you’d be late for your own class.”

“(Y/n), I’m no Ravenclaw but I can figure out when someone keeps saying no. I also see you looking around at everyone whenever I come up to you.” 

“Cedric.” You sighed, “Things are complicated in my life.” 

“And me walking you to your next class will somehow make it more complicated?” Cedric rose an eyebrow at you which made you sighed once again. 

“You can walk me to my next class.” You wanted to say that it would but you didn’t know how to explain why. 

Cedric stood up from his seat and packed his things away, you did the same before you both left the library. 

“I saw your owl this morning.” Cedric mentioned the letter from before and you felt your chest tighten a little. 

“Yeah. It was from my uncle. Asking whether I’d be home for Christmas.” You lied pretty effortlessly as the said-letter was lying at the bottom of your bag. 

“Your uncle?” Cedric hadn’t thought about who you lived with after your parents were sent to Azkaban. 

“Yeah.”  You nodded, “Demetrius. He took me in after my parents were, you know... He never saw what they saw in you know who. He didn’t have the same beliefs. Not like he didn’t suffer for it. They tortured him for a long time but he survived. He’s a good man, not very paternal but it's better than nothing.” You almost found it funny how unaffectionate and distant your uncle could be with you but you knew he still cared about you, he just couldn’t show it in the way normal families could. 

“Is it just you two?” He asked, seemingly genuinely interested. 

“Yeah. Demetrius isn’t very old. He was only 20 when he took me in. He never got a girlfriend after that so has never married or anything. I think he believes that if he had someone else to  care about, they could be used against him. He saw a lot of what my parents did, you see. He worries about my parents; about them escaping like Black did.”

“Are you worried?” Cedric stopped as you reached your class. 

“I’d be stupid if I wasn’t.” You confessed. 

“We can talk more about it later if you like?” Cedric gestured to the classroom door and you bit down on your cheek and nodded.

“Hey!” You called as he started to walk away. “Thanks for walking me.” 

Cedric smiled at you before you entered the classroom. 

“Saw pretty boy Diggory walk you to Charms this morning.” Fred and George trapped you as they came up to you side by side. 

“Like I said... Obsessed.” You looked up at the twins as they walked either side of you. 

“You reckon Lupin’s got that surprise for us today?” Fred asked you and George.

“Hope so, Freddie.” 

“I hope it’s a potion that stops people from spying on you.” You retorted, making both the boys crack up.

“Welcome class! If you’ll follow me, I have the special treat I promised for you all today.” Professor Lupin announced as you entered the classroom for DADA. 

The class did as they was told and followed Lupin up to a larger room where an old wardrobe stood in towards the far side.

You couldn’t help but smile with excitement as you watched the wardrobe shake from something inside. 

“Would anyone like to venture a guess as to what is inside?” Lupin asked as the wardrobe trembled again. 

"Is it a boggart, sir?” One of the Ravenclaw girls, Samantha Penny, answered. 

“Yes, Miss. Penny. Now, can anybody tell me what a boggart looks like?” 

“No one knows. Boggarts are shape-shifters.” You answered as Lupin pointed his wand at you. 

“Very good. Now, can someone tell me what they do?”

“They can take the shape of whatever a person fears the most.” Samantha answered again.

“Well done! Luckily, a very simple charm exists to repel a boggart. Let's practice it now. Without wands, please.” Remus lowered his wand as he spoke, “After me. Riddikulus!”

“Riddikulus!” The class repeated. 

“Very good. A little louder and very clear. Listen: Riddikulus!” Lupin corrected any who made a mistake.

“Riddikulus!” You all repeated once more before Lupin selected an unlucky volunteer.

“Samatha, since you know so much, why don’t you give it a try?” Lupin encouraged her forward. “Now, what are you most afraid of?” 

“Snakes, sir.” She said rather nervously. 

“Snakes. Okay. Easy enough to change. You see, the incantation alone is not enough.  What really finishes a boggart is laughter. You need to force it to assume a shape you find truly amusing.” Lupin paced a few steps as he spoke. 

“Now, Miss Penny. I want you to think of something funny. The funniest thing you can think of and when you come face to face with the snake, I want you to imagine its turning into that funny thing, do you understand?” Lupin asked the Ravenclaw girl. She nodded and raised her wand. 

As the doors burst open, a large thick black snake appeared slithering towards Samantha. It rose upwards and hissed as it’s dark eyes fixed on the quivering girl. 

“R-Riddikulus!” She hesitated but soon cast the spell, turning the snake into a baby monkey in a dress.

“Brilliant, Miss Penny! On your first try too!” Lupin praised her as he laughed at the monkey falling over.  “Alright! Who’s next! Form a line!” 

The class rushed into a line with excitement and nerves filling the room. 

You watched a few students ahead of you try and succeed in turning the boggart from their fear to something funny and soon it was your turn. 

“I bet her worse fear is seeing Wood naked.” Fred whispered to you and his twin as he stood behind you. 

“Actually, it’s having to spend the rest of the year with you two.” You mumbled back with a smirk as you stepped forward. 

“Ouch, Seyler, ouch.” Fred clutched his chest above his heart and you rolled your eyes. 

Suddenly, coming face to face with the boggart, your amusement was gone. 

You shifted on your feet as you thought of all the possible things the boggart could turn into like a giant spider or a clown or....

Your eyes went wide as the boggart twitched and span around and transformed into a face you had only seen in your memories and pictures. 

Your mother stood in front of you. 

The whole class erupted with whispers and murmurs as you froze. 

Her dark eyes met yours, the small mole above her lip rising as her wicked smile grew.

“Come on, (y/n), don’t let the shape distract you. Say the words and she’ll be gone.” Lupin saw the shock on your face as he tried to encourage you.

Your mother stepped forward, holding her hand out towards you, her dark mark visible on her arm as she reached towards you. 

“Don’t touch me!” You shrieked as she came close to connecting with your skin. 

You couldn’t stop yourself from fleeing the class as your emotions over took you. 

You pushed past the Weasley twins as you darted to the door. 

“Miss Seyler!” Lupins voice carried down the corridor you were running down.

Tears blurred your vision as your chest tightened and breathing became much  harder. 

“Miss Seyler!” You heard Lupin call after you again. 

You threw yourself against an arched doorway, trying to slow your breathing as your mothers eyes flashed through your head. Her evil smile, the dark mark clear on her arm. 

You felt yourself slide down the doorway until you hit the cold floor. 

“Miss Seyler.” Lupin had found you. “Miss Seyler, breathe.” He knelt down as you failed to control your panic attack. 

“(Y/n). It was just a boggart. It wasn’t really your mother.” Lupin told hold of your shoulders as he tried to get you to look at him. “Your mother is locked up on Azkaban. She can’t hurt you.” 

“I’m sorry.” You finally looked up at him and he felt his heart squeeze at the sight of your red eyes. 

“Don’t be sorry. It’s quite alright.” Lupin helped you stand, slowly bringing you back to your feet. 

“What about the class?” You asked, looking up from where you had come from. 

“Class is dismissed. Come on, let’s go for a chat.” Lupin guided you to his office, his arm comfortingly wrapped around you still. 

(PART 4)

[smnthchrstn]

trick or treat | foxxay

author’s note: hi! this drabble is actually a request by @alwaysjourney​ i’m so sorry it took so long to write it! it’s basically foxxay getting ready for their first normal halloween together & cordelia takes misty trick or treating. it’s soft, no content ratings. ask is open for foxxay requests now. thank you for reading! the word count is 1,140.

"If it's tails then I get to pick ours - and if it's heads then you get to pick ours," Misty explained, a huge smile growing across her face. "Mm, I don't think that's fair," Cordelia pointed out. "Both of our costumes? Why can't I choose yours and you choose mine? Are we trying to match?" the Supreme asked, setting down the magazine she'd been fumbling through. "It doesn't have to match, I just thought it sounded fun," the swamp witch revealed, a small pout forming on her lips. "Okay, okay. We'll try it. Why don't we pick each other's costume then?" Misty could agree to that.

For Cordelia - knowing that she could get Misty to dress up as anything in the world really opened her eyes. She knew the most predictable and probably the best choice for Misty. And it'd be so easy. She already had all the clothes she'd need for the role. As for Misty's choice - she'd been absolutely obsessed with a television show, oddly enough. And after binge-watching the show three times through she knew exactly who Cordelia would be for Halloween that year.

It was their second time celebrating Halloween together, Misty's first in a long time. She'd never really been able to celebrate it, though. Her parents never allowed her, the congregation had strict rules against celebrating the "Devil's holiday". The concept of dressing up and having people give you free candy seemed too good to be true to her.

It hadn't taken long for Misty to get the pieces for Cordelia's costume together. Coco knew how to sew and Mallory picked it up quickly, making for a magic-free costume assembly. "She's going to look so great in this, Misty," Mallory agreed, finishing up the last few stitches of the dress. "I know," the older witch admitted with a cheesy grin.

Cordelia stood in her bedroom, dressing a mannequin and humming along to "Storms" by Fleetwood Mac as she moved - swaying her hips and mumbling words. She finished and clasped her hands together, smiling to herself at her work. It looked perfect. It wasn't hard to put together, but it would most certainly work. She had her concerns about taking Misty out trick or treating - they were adults and some adults weren't so kind to young adults in costume. She had a feeling that she could keep the bullies away and give Misty one special night that she'd never gotten as a child.

Misty nearly shoved the pizza down her throat, swallowing one small piece in one bite without any chewing on her part. "You have to slow down, you're going to choke!" Zoe exclaimed. "If she does, Mallory can bring her back," Coco pointed out with a shrug. It'd happened way too many times to count. "I wanna get out there," the swamp witch stated, standing up to look out the dining room window. "People are turnin' their lights on, what does that mean again?" she asked. "It means that they're letting trick or treaters know that they're passing out candy," Zoe explained. Misty nearly bounced with joy, so excited for this mysterious activity that she didn't get the opportunity to partake in. "Looks like it's just about time to get dressed," the Supreme agreed, smiling softly as she entered the dining room. "You haven't eaten yet, Delia," Misty reminded her. "I'm saving room for candy," the older witch responded, her lips curling into a tight smile.

"Oh my God, I love it!" Cordelia smiled to herself as she heard Misty in the bathroom, fumbling around with her costume. "It's so great, Delia. How'd you know I'd love this?" she asked, stepping out of the bathroom completely decked out in her full Stevie Nicks costume. "Oh Misty, you look incredible," the Supreme complimented, stepping forward to fix her hat slightly. It didn't take long for Misty to begin twirling in her new shawl. "You want to know a secret?" Cordelia teased, coming in closer to the swamp witch. "Those are Stevie's - not just the shawl, but all of them," she revealed with a devious smirk. 

"I don't know, Misty. This is an awfully, uh, interesting costume you've picked out." Cordelia truly had no idea what she'd put on and if she'd put it on correctly. She wasn't used to wearing things this tight. "I'm sure you look great," Misty called back, kicking her legs near the foot of the bed. "Okay, I'm coming out now," she warned. Cordelia opened the door and stepped outside - donned entirely head to toe in her Scarlet Witch outfit, specifically from Wandavision. "Is my hair supposed to be fixed in a certain way? There's a headpiece here, but I'm just not sure where it goes or how my hair should be," the Supreme admitted. "Oh my God, you look fantastic!" Misty exclaimed. "I knew you'd look good, but even you made this costume even hotter, Delia," the swamp witch commented, a small smirk on her face. The older witch's face flushed a little, a blush seeping over her cheeks. "Sh," she whispered, shaking her head slightly. "You look amazing," the younger witch promised her after fixing her headpiece. "Elizabeth Olsen would be so proud!" Cordelia didn't know who that was - but smile either way, glad that she'd received Misty's seal of approval. 

"I have to admit, my feet are startin' to ache," the Stevie Nicks look-alike stated after an hour or so of walking around the neighborhood. "I'm getting a little tired, but are you at least having some fun?" Cordelia asked. "Oh, of course. Look at all this candy we've gotten," the younger witch pointed out, lifting her pillowcase filled with candy. "Do you want to go home now?" Misty shook her head. "I ain't no quitter. Let's finish this."

"Gummy bears and Twix bars and Skittles. God, I love Skittles. They look like a rainbow in a bag," the swamp witch explained as she dumped a fun-sized bag into her mouth. Mallory laughed softly and took one of the pieces that Misty had offered to share with her. "Thanks for sharing, I know you were excited about tonight," the youngest witch said. Cordelia smiled softly, glad that Misty had a good time. "I'm going to head upstairs - have to start peeling my costume off," Cordelia teased. "You really do look good, Ms. Cordelia. Misty did a great job," Mallory commented. "Thank you," the Supreme responded. "Wait, Delia," Misty said quickly, jumping up and following behind her as she left the room. "Wait for me." Cordelia turned to face her. "Why? You can keep sorting your candy. I'll be upstairs," the Supreme reminded her. "I don't want you to take off your costume," she admitted. "Why not?" 

"Because I'm the one who should be takin' it off," Misty smirked. Cordelia raised an eyebrow and shrugged her shoulders. "Very well."

[watchingspnagain]

Meet Mace

Hi, I'm Mace, and this is my Intro Post. Ab Spectando Condito and all that. (I sometimes channel Livy when I'm nervous, don't be alarmed.) And I'm nervous because my memory is absolute crap so I can't actually remember all the details here, even though this all started only, like, two years ago. It's also hard to wrap my head around the idea of trying to describe this thing that Lor and I have started (created?) and how and why it has become so important. So, well, bear with me.

Okay, here goes: For years friends had been telling me that I *needed* to watch Supernatural; it was right up my street, they'd say. But I kept putting their recommendations aside, thinking that, sure, Dean from Gilmore Girls is in it and he's adorable, but that other guy looks like a frat boy cliché, and overall the show seemed like it was probably Buffy but with Dudes (and I LOVE Buffy and will brook no substitutions or messings-with The Buffy). Eventually I decided to give it a try anyway, a decision wholly based on how hilarious the memes were. Maybe the non-Dean guy (His name is Dean? *His* name is Dean? Wait, no, that's not...but why tho?) isn't so bad? The first attempt didn't go well: my husband, who is so very not interested in SPN, was away on a business trip and I waited until my then-10yo son was in bed, crawled into bed myself, and started the first episode. At night. Alone. I made it 10 minutes before actually saying out loud, "NOPE" and turning it off. Cripes, that first episode (and most of the first season, really) is actual, full-on scary! I mean, what. Why have Handsome Boys making Hilarious Quips on a show that I can't watch because I'm too scared?! Sort of rude, to be honest.

And that was it for, I think?, a couple of months or so. Then - and this is one of the places where my memory gets foggy (I tried three times to type that correctly and the first two came out as "goofy" and honestly yes that too) - the watching of SPN was mentioned on another site I spend much amounts of time on. I suspect Lor remembers the details much better than I do, but somehow we starting talking about how we both had been thinking about watching SPN for a long time, but hadn't actually done so because past attempts on both sides had resulted in fright and flight.

Now, Lor and I have been friends on that other site for several years, but never before really corresponded much outside of that site's chat-like forum section. I pretty much admired her from afar, as it were, and held her as a Fantasy BFF in my daydreams - she was (and still is to this very day) cool and *so* clever and smart and had (and still does to this very day) such a brilliant knack for turning a phrase and I admired (and still do to this very day) her wit and snark and general amazingness, but, again, mostly from afar. So when we somehow decided to try again with Supernatural, but this time together, I was ridiculously excited. I had no idea, though, just how life-changing that decision would be. We bonded, it seemed, almost instantly over our love (second time is the charming one, I guess?) of the show and over discovering how much we have in common with each other. It's comical, almost, just how alike we are in all kinds of areas: similar childhood experiences, nearly identical (like, eerily so sometimes) tastes and opinions on all manner of things, and we're essentially twins in our list of Things That Make Our Anxieties Spike.

We started off watching the episodes separately (I think I was a little ahead of her for a bit? Gah - stupid faulty memory) and then typing up our comments and emailing them to each other, then responding with comments on our comments. And it quickly became one of the highlights of my days, getting those emails, reading through her clever and hilarious remarks, feeling pure glee when we had almost exactly the same thoughts - sometimes even typing the exact same phrases, word for word. This, then, at some point, evolved into watching the episodes at the same time and live-texting each other, which means that now we very often are typing exactly the same reactions, word for word, and then geeking out at how SAME we are in real time. Of course we have differences, too, but even those seem to complement each other: she's the Hufflepuff to my Slytherin; she's a Dean girl and I'm a Sam girl (well, and also a Crowley girl - Sam girl in the streets and Crowley girl in the sheets?); she likes Wuthering Heights, which slightly baffles me but, okay, because we both agree that MacFadyen is the best Darcy.

We had big plans to have a meet-up to watch the series finale together. See, we've never actually met in person. We became friends online, then became closer friends through this mutual SPN watch, but that's also online. And so I've never been face-to-face with my best friend. Because the meet-up for the finale didn't happen, of course. Because Covid, of course. For both of us, anxiety added a special sauce of NOPE to leaving the house this last year and we've both, I think, been pretty much isolated, staying home and not having much interaction with others outside the other members of our households. Which means that our SPN watching and our growing friendship took on an even greater meaning and importance for me. I'm honestly not sure that I could have handled the massive stress and anxiety of this last year without Lor's friendship. It just feels...natural, at this point, that I spend my days texting her back and forth about all sorts of things, the small and mundane to the big and important. Lor has become a huge part of my life and if a full day were to pass by without talking to her, I'd feel that loss fairly keenly. On some level it seems pretty bizarre that I owe such a debt of gratitude for this amazing friendship to a TV show, but here we are. This show, its characters, and the actors and writers who have made them so outstanding and special? Well, I owe them all incalculable amounts of thanks.

Anyway. So.

We're now on our second go-round with our SPN watching (because I think neither of us can now even begin to fathom a life in which we're *not* watching this show together), and Lor, (hello - did I mention she's brilliant and amazing?) low-key drops the idea that we should be blogging our live-text conversations. We've talked before about really wanting to have a record of *waves hands around* all this, and a blog seems like a great way to do that, regardless of whether anyone else ever reads it. I'm content for it to be an open and ongoing love letter to Supernatural and to our friendship, even if it remains a largely unread one.

And finally, here are a few Thing You Should Maybe Know About Me:

I'm a farmer's daughter with a PhD in Classics, a one-time professor, turned stay-at-home mom, turned part-time librarian, turned Classics prof. again, living in the Midwest with my husband, 12-going-on-80yo son, and a goofball of a golden retriever.

I love reading as much as I hate housecleaning, and I'll read pretty much anything unless the dog dies or the child gets hurt.

I also really like knitting and sewing and one of my very favorite things is to make ridiculously-tailored Halloween costumes for my son (thank the gods he's totally into it, too). I missed my calling to be a cosplay designer. Maybe in retirement...

I fall in love easily and fast and hard for fictional characters, especially the ones that are 1) evil and/or generally villainous, 2) tormented, 3) super smart and/or skilled, 4) filthy rich, 5) completely unattainable, and if they're all of the above, Holy. Damn.

[earthstellar]

MTMTE HALLOWEEN 2020 FIC: Costume Party

SUMMARY: 

Rodimus sets up an Earth style Halloween costume party at Swerve’s to help boost the crew’s morale. Things get a little... weird, when they start to behave like the creatures their costumes represent. 

PAIRINGS: 

Rodimus/Megatron and Drift/Ratchet 

WARNINGS: 

It’s spooky, there is some talk regarding Drift’s traumas, and there is bloodshed/violence in a very creepy way. Please be careful and do not read if you are potentially upset by suggestive violence, blood, etc. 

IMPORTANT NOTE: 

I was unable to finish or edit this on time for Halloween; I’ll post the final version to AO3 when it’s ready, but for now, here’s what I have! Enjoy the preview! 

Rodimus was happy to let Swerve host a Human Halloween event in the bar. 

Swerve had wanted to do it for a while, but evidently had to wait for the right Earth season despite the Lost Light being absolutely nowhere near Earth. Rodimus agreed that they could use something fun and distracting to lift the spirits of the crew after a somewhat bad supply pickup had gone south and resulted in a thankfully brief dry spell as they'd had to go without their usual ship wide energon supply, resulting in the bar being shuttered for the duration until they were able to stop at Hedra Nine for a full restocking. 

Ultra Magnus had been the only one pleased at the brief closure of Swerve's bar, as it certainly cut down on his workload, but it was unfortunately Ultra Magnus that had to be convinced of the idea. Hence the emergency command meeting currently underway.

"So explain to me again the purpose of this holiday." Delivered in a flat tone, Ultra Magnus never failed to intimidate. 

As usual, Ultra Magnus loomed over the relatively small table positioned in the centre of the room, where Rodimus, Drift, and Megatron sat with some research in hand on various data pads, as well as some footage from Rewind and Swerve's collection of human media. 

Rodimus, undaunted, continued his pitch. 

"It originally started as a folk religious practice around appeasing the spirits of the dead and keeping ghosts, the spirits of deceased humans, from haunting homes and towns. Essentially. But in modern Earth context, it's all about having fun, dressing up as scary or silly characters and getting to relax a bit during a time of year that Earth people relate with darkness, bad weather, that kind of thing. It makes people happy during what were traditionally difficult times. I think we could use something interesting and fun to get the crew back into better spirits after that mess we had to deal with in the Astreus System. See? Fun can have a logical purpose: To improve crew morale. It’s… fun, Mags. People tend to enjoy it. I think it'll be fine." 

Rodimus leaned back in his chair and grinned, sure that he had made a strong case. Megatron was absorbed in a data pad featuring a collection of human myths and tales about the holiday, centred around the origins of the modern practice as it was the most relevant information, although he was interested in the older history of the celebration and where such practices may have come from. 

Megatron was surprised by the depth and complexity of the human holiday. He was still getting over some of his lingering prejudice towards organics; Reading up on their cultures and history was one way to root out what was left of his more harmful mindset. The best cure for ignorance was often simple research, after all… Orion Pax would be proud. He nearly laughed at the thought. 

But he found himself looking forward to Swerve’s little seasonal party, even if there were no seasons per se to celebrate out in open space. Rodimus had made a good point; The crew could certainly use the distraction, and Rung had advised him to try new things that had no associations with any past memories or experiences as part of something they were trying in therapy. He wasn’t exactly excited for it, but it could tolerate it. Especially with Rodimus also in attendance; Undoubtedly most of the attention would be drawn away from him, at least. 

Ultra Magnus was completely still, a telltale sign that he was considering something, running through his extensive memory storage of ship protocols and broader applicable legislation in the hopes of finding something that could possibly mitigate any poor outcomes— Rodimus had won, it would certainly help crew morale and such intentions were covered by rules regarding health and safety of passengers and crew members. Fair play.

--

The bulletin from Swerve, once approved, had been sent out to everyone on board. The event was fairly simple, a marathon of various Halloween themed human movies, followed by a costume party at the bar. Teams of three were allowed to submit group costumes for judgement by a panel led by Ultra Magnus, partially because it was the only way to get him to participate and partially because it was the only way to have a judged competition without anyone complaining of unfairness. 

The mood had immediately improved, with the Lost Light buzzing about costume design ideas and speculating on who was joining whose team and what the chances of winning might be. 

Rodimus beamed, happy for all the chatter and gossip. His crew was happy, so he was happy. And Megatron was invested as well, glad to go along with it, enjoying the literature about it. He couldn't be more excited for the event; He trusted Swerve to make it as extravagant as possible, despite the limitations of their supplies on board and what little in the way of textile fabrics they could find and pick up from smaller stop-overs at various stations operated by organics along the way prior to the day.

Rodimus had been concerned about the cost, but Drift was enamoured with the spiritual background of the holiday, and seemed all too willing to provide the spare shanix for anything they could find for the crew. 

So far, it had been going incredibly well. Rodimus was excited himself, as he couldn't wait to see everyone's final costumes, but the idea of Megatron getting a break to genuinely enjoy something with him brought warmth to his spark, making it spin even faster in its casing. 

--

 "Okay, everybody! We had a lot of interest in the costume aspect of this whole thing, but it seems only three teams actually came together to participate in the judged competition. However, most of you have turned up in costume anyway, so it all works out! The judging will go faster and you can all guzzle down some of the special drinks on the menu for tonight only. Welcome to Swerve's, and Happy Human Halloween!" 

Leave it to Swerve to kick off the night in style; The doors were thrown open and bots rushed in, claiming booths and seats at the bar, some mild squabbling already starting but quickly dialled back under the watchful eye of Ultra Magnus, who had refused to wear a costume and was fully on duty as usual from his judge's perch near a makeshift stage Perceptor and Brainstorm had thrown together from spare lab materials. 

Nobody had seen anyone's costumes prior to the night, so there was a significant amount of ooing and ahhing over the most successful looks, providing a great distraction for the costume contest participants to slip mostly unnoticed behind the stage setup, preparing for the reveal to the judging panel: Ultra Magnus, Chromedome, and Cyclonus. 

As the bar continued to fill up and the noise levels increased, Swerve put on a specially composed mix tape for the ambient music that his extensive research had stated was sure to be a success: 

Something called the "Munsters Theme" kicked off the night, and things still appeared to be moving ahead as planned, all in attendance having a good night, and the Lost Light hummed with friendly chatter. 

--

The three costume competition teams ended up being 

There was the Command Coven, consisting of Rodimus, Megatron, and Drift with witch themed costumes. Drift was more than happy to provide crystal necklaces and little wands for each of them, each designed to replicate gemstones found on Earth, with Megatron's being amethyst, Rodimus adorned in carnelian, and Drift himself wearing amazonite. 

He had chosen the colours and designs in accordance with his Spectralist beliefs, as well as something Swerve had shown him called "mood boards" from Earth social data nets, which had kept him up well past his usual recharging hours. It seemed to not have impacted him at all for how thrilled he was at the excuse to dive into human spiritual practices, although he faltered somewhat at the sight of the next team's arrival...

The Medbay had submitted a team, largely thanks to Drift constantly bothering Ratchet about it, with Ratchet himself as well as First Aid and Velocity appearing in vampire themed costumes. They had no team name because Ratchet couldn't be bothered, and was more concerned about the medbay being largely unattended during the event... Although begrudgingly, he did admit to Drift that having the central medical staff immediately on hand in the bar probably wasn't all that bad of an idea.

And the final team, the Minibot Monsters, consisted of Tailgate as a swamp monster, Rewind as a mummy, and Swerve himself, wearing the world's least convincing werewolf costume. 

Swerve was the only person with two costumes, so as not to reveal his "true" costume too early in the night; What he was wearing while manning the bar and letting people in was something inspired by Gomez from the Addams Family, although nobody else on board got the reference save for Rewind, who was suddenly upset they hadn't picked that as their group theme. Tailgate was just thrilled to have shiny scales temporarily detailed over his paint job, lending a shimmering effect to his every move. 

-

Back stage, the teams began to intermingle a bit, although mindful of not violating any of Ultra Magnus' rules about potentially spoiling the integrity of the judging process by helping other teams with costumes and so on for about fifty pages. 

Drift took in Ratchet's costume, approaching a bit too tenderly for it to be the effect of any engex he may have consumed before hand. It set off Ratchet's diagnostics coding, returning a reading of increased anxiety indicated by signs of  ever so slightly rising energon consumption levels as Drift's fuel pump started to rev at a slightly elevated rate, as well as a touch of fatigue from Drift's lack of recharge time beforehand. 

"What's wrong? Are you afraid of losing?" Ratchet teased him, but only gently, probing to see where Drift was mentally at the moment. Did dressing up have bad connotations on Rodion? Was Drift relating this to some disguise or situation from his past that was potentially upsetting? Ratchet was ready to leave at any time, stress over an unmanned medbay lingering in the back of his processor; He'd be happy to grab Drift and go if need be.

"I uh, you just did a really good job with your costumes is all. I mean I expected the cloaks and all that stuff, it looks good on you by the way! But the denta..." 

Ah. 

Ratchet shuffled a bit. "Yes, apparently Velocity found in her preparatory reading that human vampire lore emphasises pointed denta. They--" 

Drift interrupted, looking at the ground, looking anywhere but Ratchet's face. "They siphon their energon, or whatever human stuff, blood, from living people. They're siphonists. Like I used to be, way back, when I needed to get fuel, and... And they're evil." 

Immediately, Ratchet realised that of course, Drift would associate the vampire fangs with so much suffering from his own past, with cruel comments and judgements forced on him by bots who had no idea what it was like to starve or have to turn to any viable alternative to survive, including taking energon directly from the fuel lines of others. 

He raised up his hands towards Drift, testing to see if he'd be welcome for a hug. Drift looked up a bit and smiled, stepping into Ratchet's arms and accepting a brief embrace before Ratchet pulled back to look him in the eyes, hands still lingering on his upper arms. 

"Listen, Drift. If this is too much for you, we can go. I can go, you don't have to miss anything. I can take this all off and it's an easy fix; It's a minor procedure to numb and file them back down, and of course we were going to do it afterwards anyway. Velocity thought it would be more realistic if we just went ahead and altered our denta for the sake of it, but I should have thought more about how that might affect you. I--"

Drift leaned up to quickly kiss Ratchet, immediately jerking his head back with eyes wide, seemingly having not fully registered the fangs that met his until they physically pressed against one another, before giving a shakey smile. 

"No, it's okay. I just wasn't ready for it. The thought of you having to resort to... Anything like that, it makes my spark hurt. It reminds me of a lot of things I don't like about how I had to get through some hard times, you know? But I don't want you to go. I want you here. Plus... Now we match, right?" 

Leave it to Drift to try to power through something so significantly distressing to him. Ratchet appreciated the effort, but saw right through it. 

"I mean it, if this bothers you, I'm ready to get back to the medbay, undo it, and we can hit the bar again together later once things have eased up a bit, no problem. The humans might think vampires are evil, and a lot of bots might think siphonists are... Frightening, but I need you to know that they're not the same thing. People are often wrong about what they don't understand, and you only did what you had to in order to survive. And I'm glad you did it. If you hadn't, you wouldn't be here. With me, at a party that will be fun if you still want to go through with all this." 

Drift optics gradually returned to their usual brightness, his signs of anxiety slowly disappearing on Ratchet's constant scans, putting him at ease as well. 

"Thank you, Ratchet. I'll be okay once the shock wears off. I think it's a good costume choice, and you really do look good in the cloak. The black makes your white paint look brighter! And it's fun to think of all the spooky human stories... And some of our own too, I guess. Imagine, a siphonst medic! You would't have any patients, that's for sure." Drift smiled, making a point to flash his own fangs. Clearly he'd recovered from the initial shock, although Ratchet decided he might try to talk it out with him at some point when they weren’t caught up in all this. He didn't want Drift to suffer any blows to his self-esteem, or fall back into a trauma related depression, even a relatively minor one. He was glad Rung had a positive policy for booking short notice sessions, which reassured him a bit. Any problems, they could all work it out together.

"Well, I think anyone who needs a doctor badly enough is willing to go to whatever doctor happens to be around, in my experience. Siphonist or not. And are you calling my paint job dull? I'll have you know I polished my armour for this. Or First Aid did, at least. He was insistent that we represent the medical team as best as possible." 

"Seems like he's learning some things from you about professionalism, Mister No Crystals in the Medbay." 

"Hey, Ultra Magnus agreed with me. It violates... Some rule." 

"Sure it does." 

--

It was finally time for the costume contest, and 

--

"What happened? What happened? Hey! Someone else get up already!" Rodimus wasn't one to panic, but he was maybe actually slightly panicking. A little bit. 

After the Great Sword had reacted to Drift's incantation, everyone had experienced simultaneous processor reset from the energy surge, and it was taking some time for people to come around from the harsh and unexpected reboot. 

It seemed everyone in the bar had been affected by the wave, not dissimilar to an electromagnetic pulse, with bots slumped over their tables, a few leaning precariously over the bar, and others laying on top of each other where there had been only standing room left. 

Rodimus had been the first to wake, having fallen into a draped position half over Megatron and half pressed into the makeshift stage curtain, briefly tangled in his distress over waking up and feeling... Odd. 

He felt like his spark was super charged, like he had ingested far too much high grade energon and was borderline frying his own circuits. It was like his fuses had been blown, but a quick self-diagnostic came back completely normal, nothing out of the ordinary, everything working fine. 

His sensory input felt magnified somehow, like he was feeling the EM fields of everyone in the bar at a hundred fold. 

It wasn't bad. Just very, very odd. Which was never a good indicator of anything, the way things tended to go on the Lost Light.

He briefly considered paging the medbay, when he caught the passed out shaped of Ratchet and Drift together in the centre of the stage; Ratchet must have picked up on whatever was happening and had made a dive for Drift, resulting in both of them clattering to the ground on top of each other. 

Everyone he would turn to for help had also been affected; There was no 

"Megatron, wake up!" 

—-

"Ratchet, oh Primus, please, are you okay?" Drift had finally woken up, exhausted by his lack of recharge on top of the huge surge of energy that had burst forth from the Great Sword, which was connected somehow to his spark energy... He was drained, but determined to get a response out of Ratchet before he could even consider his own wellbeing.  

"Ratchet! Get up! Something's happened with the sword, and it's my fault, and I don't know what happened!" Genuine fear started to seep into his vocaliser, which was likely what finally jarred Ratchet back into awareness.

"...Drift? Are you alright?" Ratchet's voice was low and rough, still drowsy from the forced reboot. Drift knelt further down to help get a grip under Ratchet's shoulders to keep him from slumping over again, being careful of anywhere that may have been injured as he collapsed. 

"My scans are showing me you’re fine, but I think I need to run a diagnostic on myself... I feel like I haven't refuelled in Primus knows how long. My fuel tank was reasonably topped up before this, is anyone else experiencing similar symptoms...?" Ratchet was slowly regaining his bearings, relying less on Drift for balance once being sat upright, although they both remained seated with their legs tucked under them in the middle of the stage. Drift felt he could relax ever so slightly now that Ratchet was responsive enough to be engaging his medical protocols. 

"We all feel a bit strange. Me and Roddy feel overcharged almost, like having two sparks in one frame. It’s… intense, but manageable. Megatron is still out, and Roddy seems to be more charged up than I am. It might be a Matrix thing with him, we don't know. My fuel levels are good, feeling the opposite of drained right now. Our internal diagnostics are coming back normal, but that's clearly wrong. Any ideas?" 

Ratchet was slow to reply. He was never slow to reply, not when it came to medical matters.

"Ratchet?" Drift grabbed Ratchet's shoulders, preparing to brace him and lay him out gently in case he lost consciousness again. 

"Drift, I need you to listen to me carefully. I don't know what happened. I don't know what's happening now. I can't identify any apparent problems in my own self-diagnostics, aside from the erroneous fuel tank level discrepancy. I'm not leaking fuel from anywhere, I'm not burning it off any faster than usual. I'd need access to the medbay for more in-depth scans, but I don't think it's a good idea to be wandering the halls right now. We should keep this contained to the incident area as much as we can..." As he continued to speak, Ratchet looked more and more stressed, more concerned. And that concerned Drift. 

"What are you getting at, why are the halls unsafe? Do you think this is some kind of attack? It originated from my Great Sword, it was... I think it was the incantation. It had to be. Ultra Magnus made sure the threat level was at a minimum--" 

"No. I think that if we went out there, we'd be making the halls dangerous ourselves. Don't you feel that?" 

Drift felt his spark grind to a halt.

"What are you talking about? I feel fine, I feel suspiciously better than fine. Are you okay? Are you dizzy?"

"...No. I'm energy depleted. I need fuel." Ratchet leaned forward until they were pressed flush against each other, their knees touching in their kneeled position on the stage, chests touching right over their spark chambers. Drift kept his hands rested on Ratchet's shoulders, grip light, unsure of what to do. 

When suddenly, and with all the strength of a field medic frame, Ratchet leaned in and closed the rest of the distance, pushing Drift backwards to the floor so his knees lifted from their bent position and his legs splayed out under Ratchet, who was now so close to laying across the top of him that it nearly took Drift's breath away.

Ratchet whispered directly against Drift's neck cables, close enough to his audials that it made Drift's spinal strut shiver and lock up. "I need warm fuel. I need your fuel.”

Drift immediately froze. This didn't sound like Ratchet. This couldn't be Ratchet. Because Ratchet would never make him feel this vulnerable, he would never do this. Ratchet isn't a siphonist...

...Or he wasn't before whatever just happened, happened. 

"Don't do this!" Drift had intended to scream it, but it came out as a whimper that only Ratchet could hear as his breath was taken away by the pointed denta scrapping gently along the central fuel lines in the side of his neck, just above his collar plating and below the corner of his tilted helm, as Ratchet’s glossa searched for the most medically sound place to puncture the lines and begin to siphon fuel. 

Imagining Ratchet's mouth full of his energon, still hot from being cycled through his systems, Ratchet’s face swirling the fuel around his fangs and smiling at him in sick contentment the way Drift knew he himself had done to others in his past filled him with a level of dread and distress that he didn't know he was still capable of feeling. 

He tried to roll to knock Ratchet off balance, but he was now pinned beneath the medic, whose wider frame was made for detaining unruly patients and built to cope with such resistance. The moment had only caused Ratchet to get a better glimpse at his central fuel lines, Drift's neck having flexed in the process, encouraging a small thrilled hum from Ratchet that terrified Drift straight to the spark. 

He couldn't let Ratchet do this. He wouldn't let him become a siphonist. Ratchet is a good mech, a kind-hearted mech, and Drift refused to imagine what would happen if Ratchet drained him of fuel and snapped out of whatever this was and hated himself the way Drift had hated himself...

...But at the same time, they were in a room full of vulnerable and disoriented bots. Many of whom had still not fully rebooted and had no chance of putting up any defence at all. If Ratchet was under some spell, or whatever was happening, then there was no guarantee that he would be able to be restrained, or that he could restrain himself, from simply going after someone else. 

Drift realised in horror that if Ratchet didn't get his fuel fix from him, right now, he would likely just hurt someone else while in this trance-like state, focused solely on satisfying a feral hunger... Drift could at least relate, and was awake enough to consent as much as possible under the circumstances, and it didn't take all that much effort for Drift to talk himself into going limp. 

As he rested back flat against the stage floor, Ratchet briefly froze, giving Drift a flash of hope that he was coming to his senses, that his medical protocols were overriding whatever this was and that he would immediately jump off and apologise and demand another systems check before they started working out whatever was going on. 

But instead, Ratchet made some awful little low trilling noise, lowering more of the weight of his frame against Drift's chest, and whispered into his neck: "Your vents are spewing out so much heat. Your fuel will be so warm in my mouth. Listen to my voice, Drift. You know how much you mean to me. I won't hurt you, I'll never hurt you. I'm a medic. I want you to feel good, be healthy. Forever. I want you to feel the way I do." 

Drift was caught between old traumas and the trauma currently unfolding. He had no response, cleansing fluid building up behind his optics, threatening to cloud his vision and steam up his lenses from the inside from all the heat his rapidly spinning spark was generating throughout his systems. 

He vaguely became aware of some almighty commotion happening somewhere in the bar, but he didn't dare attempt to move. He couldn't have even if he tried. It was painful hearing Ratchet like this, the kind voice worn by age that he was familiar with tainted by something rough and sinister, for all the friendliness it still contained. 

"Did you read all the human myths, or just about the crystals? It seems the Earth vampires can turn another human into one by sharing blood, their energon. After I take a sip from you, would you bite into me? Or would you prefer if I clean cut one of my fuel lines for you to suck on? Would you do that for me? We match, after all.” Drift could feel Ratchet flash a wide smile into the side of his neck. 

Ratchet's voice was starting to have some kind of cognitive effect on Drift's processor, numbing him to the waves of anxiety and making the noises in the bar seem even further away, sinking him into Ratchet's grip, making it impossible to activate his own vocaliser. 

"We could be together forever, Drift. No more flitting in and out of each others lives. Security. Safety. Stability." 

With Drift completely flattened beneath him, helm lolled to the side and central fuel line finally exposing the medically ideal spot to place a bite, Ratchet was satisfied. He leaned in and sunk his pointed denta into the perfect centre of the line, immediately creating a suction and drawing a swift stream of warm energon into his mouth, a deep moan from Drift weakly rising from beneath his grasp--

--And at that moment, Rodimus with immense precision drew down a bar stool leg directly into Ratchet's helm, the metallic clang echoing through the room as Ratchet’s head was forced away from Drift’s neck, a pool of energon steaming up from the tear in the central fuel line, ripped open further by Ratchet’s pointed denta never having had the chance to loosen the bite first. 

Rodimus quickly put himself between Drift and Ratchet, kicking Ratchet in the shoulder to create more distance while avoiding harming him as much as possible before turning to face Drift. 

“Primus, Drift, we shouldn’t have left you two alone, some of the others started waking up and Megatron’s still struggling a little with the hard reboot, are you okay? Drift?” 

Drift barely registered what Rodimus was panicking about as he was only gradually coming out of whatever state Ratchet had put him in. He felt like his temperature regulator has to be malfunctioning now, or perhaps he had just lost too much heat from pushing himself too hard and venting off too much of the heated air that speedster frames tended to build up. 

Setting himself upright, he relied on Rodimus for support, immediately showing the tear in his fuel line, optics slightly foggy and looking off to the side. “I need to wrap this up… It’s not as bad as it could be, but it really is, isn’t it? What’s wrong with Ratchet, Roddy?” It was hard to hear Drift’s voice, usually so lively and firm, take a low and demure tone made rough by the damage to his neck. 

They both looked over to where Ratchet had been unceremoniously kicked on his back, Rodimus continuing to stay tensed and alert in front of Drift in case Ratchet tried to make another move.

Cautiously, Rodimus spoke up as his right hand helped Drift hold the fuel line edges together; Rodimus winced at how much it must hurt, but Drift was making no complaints as it was slowly and carefully wrapped by some previously subspaced tape. In fact, Drift seemed… Sad, more than scared. He was being too quiet, moving too little even considering his injury, and his EM field was full of exhaustion and distress. 

“What the hell happened? Ratchet, you… I didn’t hit you that hard, did I? Can you answer me? What were you doing?”  He wanted to ask why, but one thing at a time. He suspected that Ratchet didn’t know the answer to that last one, and Rodimus didn’t want to press someone who was potentially unstable and clearly dangerous at the moment. He pressed his back closer to Drift, fully ready to defend him if needed. 

Rodimus took in Ratchet’s crumpled pose, still laid out where he had been kicked back, a look of absolute shock and strain on his face as his fists curled tightly against the stage floor, steaming energon dipping from around his slightly open mouth in small pools as he ex-vented heavily. 

As Ratchet shook his helm a bit, he replied with an absolutely wrecked voice, as if it had been his vocaliser nearly ripped out instead of Drift’s. “I, Rodimus, I don’t know how long I’ll be lucid for. My fuel tank levels are registering within perfectly normal levels, but it feels like I’m being constantly drained, like I’m losing fuel from a leak that doesn’t exist—“

“So you put a leak in Drift?” Rodimus knew he shouldn’t have said anything as Ratchet’s head whipped up and stared him directly in the optics, the shattered look on his face so unfamiliar on Ratchet’s features that it startled Rodimus to see it. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My scans are coming back fine, all of them, I can’t find what’s wrong.” Real panic was seeping into Ratchet’s vocaliser, a bizarre and awful contrast to his usual calm steadiness even in the worst of situations. “You don’t understand, Rodimus, whatever energy the Great Sword released has altered my systems, perhaps everyone’s systems… Drift said you both felt overcharged, but I feel energy depleted, and it’s doing something to my processor. I feel so strange and— And Drift.” 

The entire time he spoke, without his knowledge, his glossa lightly flicked out here and there to catch some spare flecks of Drift’s energon that had settled around his mouth. It set off a sick feeling in Rodimus’ spark, as it was clear Ratchet genuinely couldn’t help it, as if his coding had gone severely wrong somewhere. It reminded him of a cyberfox licking its paws after a hunt. It was too unrefined and subtly animalistic for a bot like Ratchet. It looked wrong, it felt wrong, and he could feel a surge of concerned sadness burst forth from Drift’s EM field behind him. Evidently he’d finished wrapping his fuel line and was now focused on Ratchet. 

Ratchet noticed and finally moved, only slightly to avoid startling Rodimus into unnecessary action, as he picked up on Drift’s distressed EM signals. 

“Drift, Primus, are—“ Ratchet’s optics went wide and he jerked back oddly, not moving from his place lest Rodimus make a move, but as though he were torn so completely that he couldn’t move. “—My medical protocols demand your neck be examined. If I do it, I don’t know what I’ll do. Where’s Velocity and First Aid?” 

—-

Megatron bellowed across the bar, “They’re behaving oddly, get ready to fight them off!” 

—-

"Drift, we're medics. We know where to bite to take the most energon straight from the central fuel line the fastest. I just did it to you, and being ripped free like that can rip the cable lining and weaken the integrity of the fuel line under pressure. It ruptures and causes a major bleed. It can kill someone. It will kill someone. If at any point we start failing to restrain ourselves, you have to incapacitate us. Tie us up. Do whatever. We are officially dangerous until this is resolved. I can't say my behaviour will be predictable, or sensible."

He then turned abruptly to Rodimus and Megatron, Ultra Magnus off to his opposite side, ready to intervene if needed. 

"One of you, or both of you, I am asking you to do whatever you need to do if I go after Drift again. If I go for his central fuel lines again, he's already damaged. Another bite will weaken the line structure, its integrity will fail, and he will lose too much energon to be within safe levels. His nanites will take far too long to repair a gash that size. Please." 

Ratchet hung his head, avoiding everyone's optics. 

"I am a medic. I heal bots. I don't kill them. 

---

AND THAT’S AS FAR AS I GOT, I hope to finish this up and edit it for AO3 soon, Happy Halloween! 

[forestwater87]

Every episode of Camp Camp ranked: A very (non)objective list

It's well past the time of year when Season 5 of Camp Camp would've dropped. I fully understand and support it not coming out; the crew's health and safety are much more important than a comfort show.

However . . . man, would it be nice to have some comfort right now.

So I'm reliving the entire series! I've been known to share with the world a whole bunch of Spicy Hot Takes, but I've never really sat down and talked about my feelings about the show as a whole. 

And what's the best way to do that? Well, just ask Jenny Nicholson: a numbered list! That is, here's the series ranked from worst episode to best, because I want to get the negativity out of the way early and focus on everything I love (and because people enjoy complaining, so let’s frontload all that). 

The takes will be hot. The feelings will be intense. The post, I'm assuming, will be largely unread.

Let's do it!

Oh and duh, there are spoilers. I tried to keep it pretty chill, but you’ll want to have watched the whole show or just not care about spoilers before going forward.

Also slashes in the middle of “naughty words” are meant to prevent this from being kept out of the main tags. Who knows if it’ll work? I don’t.

60. Who Peed the Lake? (Season 4, epis/sode 3)

Ah, good ol' Pi/ss Lake (or as @hopefullypessimistic84​ calls it because she's funnier than any of us will ever be, “Pis/s Fe/tish Dot Com”). Terrible, one of the few I’d consider nigh unwatchable. I actually kind of love this episode for being such great shorthand for "the absolute worst one."

Who signed off on an entire episode centered around Sherlock Holmes meets a bad om/o joke? Give me names and addresses: I just want to talk.

59. Reigny Day (Season 1, episode 6)

And nobody was surprised.

I'll admit I'm more willing to defend this episode than many people, but it's not . . . like, good. It seemed okay when there were only 11 other episodes to compare it to, but now that there have been so many bangers, this comes across as extremely weak. 

And let’s just say the Na/zi jokes hit a lot differently in 2020 than they did in the summer of 2016.

I’m overall happy with the direction the showrunners have moved Dolph’s character in, and I can’t totally blame them for using a kind of humor that was fairly common in the pre-Trump era, but yikes, this has aged like milk. And it wasn’t even very funny at the time, so it aged like milk that was already pretty bad to begin with.

58. Squirrel Camp (Season 4, episode 10)

This is a dumb one.

Not much else to say; it’s just kinda stupid and lame.

57. Fashion Victims (Season 4, episode 13)

I love Sasha, but this is filler. Which isn’t in itself a bad thing -- I have a couple episodes near the top that could reasonably be called filler, and a valid argument could easily be made that “filler episodes” don’t actually exist in a show with no plot -- but as much as I adore the Flower Scouts and enjoy the handful of good moments we get in this episode . . . who cares? Does anyone really give a sh/it about anything that happens here? Does anyone get their life from this one?

I didn’t think so.

56. Foreign Exchange Campers (Season 3, episode 3)

I know, I know, your Russian waifu came from this episode. Why do you think it’s so low on this list?

Okay, for real: this is . . . fine. It’s fine. It’s fine? I’m not mad at it, it just feels tonally incongruous and not very memorable beyond the fact that the fandom got really weird and kinda gross about Vera. But the episode itself? There’s some cute stuff with Neil and Nikki being jealous, but for the most part it’s a big hunk of white bread with some super mild white cheese that’s kinda soggy from sitting in a bag for too long and getting all condensation-y. 

That is to say: it’s fine.

ETA: Space Kid does say “fu/ck.” I can’t decide if that’s a point in the episode’s favor or against it.

This is the last of what I’d call the “bad” episodes. Everything after this ranges from mediocre to mind-blowingly amazing. But whatever our failing tier of Camp Camp episodes is, it stops right about here. 

Onto the good stuff!

55. Night of the Living Ill (Season 2 Halloween episode)

I keep switching this with “Eggs Benefits,” which probably means they should be tied. But whatever, this is my list and I am in charge and I’ve finally decided, after like 5 changes, that I like this one a little bit less.

It’s a fun Romero parody with nothing I’d call bad. Really this one’s only so low on the list because I think it’s kinda icky, and looking at those green snotty faces makes me queasy. If you think this is a bad reason to put it near the bottom of the list, then make your own post.

54. Cameron Campbell Can't Handle the Truth Serum (Season 4, episode 11)

I . . . don’t remember this at all. I initially had it a bit higher because I tend to love things with Campbell in them, but then I realized that nothing about this episode stuck in my brain even a little bit. 

Oh, this is the “Dolph has autism” episode that made everyone either extremely happy or really mad? Okay. I guess that’s the most remarkable thing about it. Neato.

Cam, I love you, but this was just not the best use of your sleazy charm.

53. Eggs Benefits (Season 2, episode 9)

This is one of those episodes with enough cute moments and good ideas to save it from being totally unmemorable, and I mostly enjoy rewatching. Platypus being a mom is a fabulous idea, and pairing the campers the way they did was mostly really interesting and fun.

The Preston-Nurf stuff takes it down several pretty significant notches, though. It’s what the kids would call problematic, and while I normally enjoy how the show doesn’t skew away from darker themes and jokes, it didn’t really fit either of their characters and just . . . isn’t fun to watch. It’s not especially funny, it’s not especially tragic, it’s just uncomfortable.

52. Camp Campbell Wants YOU! (Season 1, episode 0)

Honestly, this would be a lot higher if it was a full-length episode. It’s funny.

The next 5 or so episodes fall under the “cute but not very memorable” umbrella:

51. Nikki's Last Day on Earth (Season 3, episode 4)

I love the ensemble episodes, so this was always going to score higher than any of the single-character “meh” eps. I didn’t see the twist coming, though I know a lot of other fans did. Textbook example of “cute but not very memorable” -- the Platonic ideal of that concept.

50. The Candy Kingpin (Season 3, episode 9)

A clever idea that plays on Max’s worst characteristics and then calls him out for them, while also giving Dolph some much-needed character development. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like it really picks up until the last third of the episode, leaving the rest just kind of sitting there.

49. Campfire Tales (Season 4, episode 13)

Who doesn’t love campfire stories?

That’s all I got. They’re campfire stories.

ETA: OH SH/IT THIS ONE HAS THAT REALLY SCARY STORY! Where David’s all like . . . Slenderman’d. Fu/ck, I didn’t remember that until I was writing out my thoughts for #35 or so. That definitely elevates it, but I’m too tired to try and re-decide where this should go, so just tie it with “New Adventure!”

48. New Adventure! (Season 4, episode 4)

New trio! Focusing on these 3 was a definite risk, and I think it really paid off. While the “plot” itself isn’t anything special, there are a handful of really great side gags (hi, Dirty Kevin!!!!) and it’s fun to see these three interact. They all get some nice character beats. It’s a good time.

47. Something Fishy (Season 3, episode 8)

This might’ve hit me harder if I’d actually seen The Shape of Water, but the send-up works fine without having more than the seen-the-trailer level of understanding. Gwen dresses pretty, which I love; Max sucks, which I also love. What drags this one down is mostly feeling like the surreal aspects of the comedy go a bit too far into the “what the fu/ck am I looking at?” territory without really . . . making an actual joke beyond “look! Wacky!"

Why is David at the opera with a bird? Why??

46. City Survival (Season 3, episode 11)

Literally do not remember a single thing about this episode except David getting mugged and being called a “homeless twi/nk.” That should probably rank it lower on the list, but David being a fluttery mother hen saves it for me -- as does the fact that it leads directly into one of my favorite episodes, and the single best story arc of the series.

Next set of episodes is what I’m going to arbitrarily call “okay! but like the good kind of okay, not the bad kind.”

45. Bonjour Bonquisha (Season 2, episode 7)

Max and Sasha masterminding a scheme is really fun; their dynamic is great (though it won’t be fully realized until Season 4), and heartbroken David is so tragically cute it actually makes my heart explode out of my chest.

Also I can’t resist a good “3 kids in a trench coat” gag.

44. Anti-Social Network (Season 2, episode 2)

Neil is very relatable and I don’t have much else to say about this one. It’s fun to see an episode that more heavily focuses on our nerdy science boy, and Max and Neil teaming up to save Nikki was really charming and sweet and set my Makkiel ship out to sea.

43. A Camp Camp Christmas, or Whatever (Season 2 holiday episode)

Why does this episode have a musical number? It’s not good.

Okay, that was mean. This is fun and cute and Gwen wears a pretty purple sweatshirt and Space Kid gives her a present and it’s really sweet. But that musical number is an instant fast-forward for me, sorry.

42. Preston Goodplay's Good Play (Season 4, episode 7)

We get some Preston character development! Awesome!

It’s done in a really trippy and surreal way that totally fits his character and heightens the drama of the episode! Awesome!

David has an apparently-tragic history of being a French mime! Not a good call! 

Next tier: Some good sh/it! (Tbh, these could all be put in just about any order; they might as well be one massive tie.)

41. Cookin' Cookies (Season 2, episode 11)

I love the Flower Scouts. I love Dirty Kevin. I love the idea of accidentally starting a dru/g empire. Another weird, borderline experimental one focusing on side characters, and I think it works better than “New Adventure!” because the scale of the melodrama is just so over-the-top.

The fact that this is in the bottom 20 but I have nothing but good things to say about it illustrates how dang good this show is. It’s only getting better from here, folks!

40. Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected (Season 1, episode 7)

Preston is a terrible playwright. This makes sense, because he’s like 11, but he’s the kind of hilariously bad I wish I’d been as a preteen, because his play is absolutely bonkers. Max fucking with David is great, Tabii vs. Bonquisha is great, Bonquisha in general is a giant amazonian goddess and I want to be swept up into her giant arms. Neil is . . . a robot, for some reason?

So much fun!

39. Camp Cool Kidz (Season 1, episode 4)

I don’t love Ered’s characterization in this one, but there are a lot of wacky hijinks in this episode that I think make it really enjoyable. Max’s wide-eyed revolutionary naïveté is a fun change from his usual dour pessimism, and Nikki’s loyalty to Ered is both very gay and very charming. Plus we get to learn a bit more about how the camp operates (and fails to operate), and it’s a nice way to better establish the campsite as its own setting.

(Definitely think “Cool” should’ve been spelled with a K though. But whatever, I don’t write for the show.)

38. Scout's Dishonor (Season 1, episode 3)

The birth of Neeancy! The introduction of the Flower and Wood Scouts! Neil saying “cu/nt” -- one of the first and only truly shocking uses of profanity in the entire show! ZUKO!

I don’t know if my fondness for this one is rooted mostly in nostalgia or if it was actually really fun, but I enjoyed the he/ll out of it. Not as highly-rated as some other episodes mostly because it doesn’t really do anything, character or story-wise, but not every episode needs to be a massive game-changer that drowns us in feels. Sometimes it’s enough to have a fun romp, and this is very that.

37. Ered Gets Her Cool Back (Season 3, episode 2)

Awww, Ered. I have a soft spot for her, because I love the archetype of a spoiled bit/ch clearly still figuring out how to be a person and have friends. You really get the sense of her as a teenager trying to sort her shi/t out in this episode, which I would love to see more of. Her interactions with Nerris are top-tier, and I like that it’s a continuation of how her character’s been softening since Season 1 into this kind of big-sister figure.

Also, all the female campers in this show are lesbians. I do not make the rules.

36. Attack of the Nurfs (Season 4, episode 2)

I feel like this is a pretty underrated episode. But then again, I feel like Nurf is a pretty underrated character, so maybe that’s just my own personal bias.

I really enjoyed all the different iterations of Nurf, and I think Blaine did a killer job giving each one its own personality and life. It’s a fun episode that plays hard with cartoon physics (a 3D printer printing people! I love it!) and has a surprisingly moving ending.

At least, that’s what I think. Most other people seem to find this one pretty forgettable. Again: make your own da/mn list. I liked it.

35. Mascot (Season 1, episode 2)

This entire episode is memorable for so many things, but a few of my favorites:

David is established as kind of a di/ck.

Platypus arrives and kicks all the as/s.

Quartermaster is the best.

Nerris, Harrison, and Space Kid all get little moments to show off how cute they are.

Neil and Nikki bonding.

This:

34. Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak (Season 2, episode 3)

I love watching Nerris and Harrison bicker, and Neil and Nikki fit really well into their group. It reminds me of being a kid, and of playing Dungeons & Dragons (as an adult, because I’m so cool), and of summer . . . which is a really good thing for this show. There are a lot of funny one-liners, and it’s just a good dang time.

33. Quartermaster Appreciation Day (Season 2, episode 6)

I don’t think this one is all that well-loved, but I thought it was funny. There are literally zero important plot or character moments, but it made me laugh a lot, and that’s all I need a Camp Camp episode to do. 

I love QM, and the more we learn about him, the more confused and disturbed we end up being. What a fu/cking champion.

32. Arrival of the Torso Takers (Season 3 Halloween episode)

I lowkey hated this one when it came out, because I knew the Daniel stans were going to be exhausting. And they kind of were? But looking back, it’s a great way to reintroduce this motherfu/cker. He’s a lot scarier than he was the last time around -- but also less competent, which is a great way to kick him in the proverbial ba/lls -- and while I wish it had a lot more Gwen in it, it’s a clever and creative Halloween episode. 

31. Operation: Charlie Tango Foxtrot (Season 3, episode 10)

Charlie . . . Tango . . . Foxtrot . . . CTF . . . OH! Capture the Flag! I never got that before. Oh, that’s neat. I love this show.

Listen, every time the writers decide to take a risk and do something bizarre and creative, I’m going to be here for it at least a little bit. An entire episode told from the POV of the Woodscouts, explaining how hard they failed in all directions? A great gag where everyone in Petrol’s story talks in grunts? The return of Jermy Fartz?! Fantastic. 

30. Panicked Room (Season 4, episode 16)

Listen. I’m a sucker for my trash grandpa; anything Campbell-centric is probably going to be pretty good (except #54), because he’s just one of the most consistently funny and engaging characters. Good times are had whenever this terrible man is on the screen, and giving him a romantic backstory? A tragic romantic backstory full of mistakes and emotional damage?? One where he waited 17 YEARS for the love of his life???

We have no choice but to stan.

29. Party Pooper (Season 4, episode 15)

I’m so predictable. If you put Gwen in something, I will be happy. If you make an entire episode about how Gwen is under-appreciated and overworked and just trying to do her best despite the circumstances, I will dedicate my firstborn child to you.

Anyway, this episode is really sweet, and I liked the unexpected direction the writers took her relationship with her dad. He seems like a nice guy, they seem like they have a nice relationship, and . . . well, an episode about how hard it is to be an adult millennial hit pretty hard. Plus this was just a really pretty episode -- and not just because Gwen was in so much of it! Seriously, that night sky was a thing of beauty.

Also if you say a fuc/king word about Max and that godda/mn dog I will choke you out with your own intestines. Few things are more hilariously, annoyingly ironic than the fact that the entire fandom ignored and failed to appreciate Gwen . . . in the episode all about how everyone ignores and fails to appreciate Gwen.

28. Culture Day (Season 3 holiday episode)

Now, would it be arrogant to point out that I had the idea for a Culture/Heritage Day back in September 2018? Yes, especially since I don’t think the writers ever read fanfiction and it has literally nothing to do with this episode. Will that stop me? He/ll no it will not! I am a creature of ego! Read my stuff! 

Anyway, this is a really fun look at Neil’s background, personality, and relationships. Max looking out for him is just . . . oh my god, I cannot, I’ve written like 30 of these and my brain is starting to melt, but these two are so cute. I love arrogant Neil, and I love protective Max, and I love QM and Gwen fuc/king over the Flower Scouts to save the day. Everything about this episode is lovely.

27. Cameron Campbell the Camp Campbell Camper (Season 3, episode 7)

This should not be ranked so high (even if these are all essentially tied). This is a dumb episode based on a really, really dumb premise. 

But . . . I don’t know what to tell you. “Samboy Kidwell,” Max realizing he and Campbell are disturbingly similar and not liking what his future could look like, David’s “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” face . . . this episode happens to hit all of my favorite things. It had a really good balance of heavy-handed moralizing and goofs, it was part of the most graceful lead-up into a finale the show has ever had, and I’m just all about it. 

Excellent job, Samboy. Count Olaf would be proud of your disguise.

There ends the “some good sh/it” tier. We’re starting to get into the really excellent stuff now!

26. Parents' Day (Season 2, episode 12)

I know. You want this to be higher. I hear you.

Honestly I’m kind of shocked it’s this high; it’s my least favorite of the season finales so far, and I had to push past a lot of prejudice to actually rank this where I think it deserves to be, as opposed to somewhere in the like mid-40s. Mostly because it gave fuel to the raging inferno of “Max has terrible parents and David should adopt him” headcanons, which I’ve detailed my problems with extensively in the past (in a post that, statistically speaking, none of you have read).

But, trying to be objective: is this episode actually any good?

Well . . . yeah, it really is.

So much work was put into giving each of the campers families that make sense with their characters and bounce absurdly well off of them, ranging from wholesome and adorable (Nerris’s family) to quietly tragic (Harrison’s parents), and they’re all designed so well; they’re fun to look at and fun to watch interact with the kids and each other. (The only exception is Dolph’s dad, who is both kinda lame and misattributes the cause of the weird Na/zi thing because it did not come from Germany, I assure you. But things with Dolph are always a little off, and I don’t really know how you would give him a backstory that actually works with the character, so they were caught between a rock and a hard place there.)

The drama of David having to choose between the man he considers his father and the camp he considers his home is really touching, and him and Gwen choosing to take a sad camper out to get pizza instead of covering for their boss’s a/ss is such a beautiful moment for both of them that I can’t really blame the fandom for losing their mind over it. Campbell’s arrest leading into the arcs of the next two seasons was great as well, and the finale left us all with this weird sense of foreboding because we didn’t know what was going to happen next; it was the only finale that actually ended on something close to a cliffhanger, while still being satisfying enough to keep us all from melting down.

Plus, it’s funny. Carl and Candy are really funny and the idea of Neil and Nikki’s parents boning is funny in a horrible way. The joke about Quartersister is funny. It’s a good episode.

Should this be higher? Maybe, but I can’t bring myself to put it above the rest of these episodes. Again: make your own list.

25. Mind Freakers (Season 1, episode 10)

The episode that launched a thousand ships. Assuming those ships are all Harrison/Neil, anyway.

It’s hard to talk about these Season 1 episodes because they feel so classic. Like, what is there to say? You’ve all seen it a couple dozen times; I’ve seen it a couple dozen times. Harrison is a di/ck, Neil is possibly an even bigger di/ck, and magic may or may not be real. (Though spoilers for literally every season: yes, magic is definitely real.) It’s so much fun watching these two smug as/sholes snipe at each other in an almost literal playground hair-pulling way that could very easily be read as flirtation. 

And the fandom did most certainly read it that way, at least for a little while.

24. Gwen Gets a Job (Season 2, episode 8)

It’s Gwen. What, was I supposed to not put it this high?

This was the first Gwen-centric episode, and it absolutely slaps. She’s pushed to the breaking point and responds by being a cold-hearted BAMF, and it got her some pretty significant hate from fans but I don’t give a fu/ck, I loved it. We got to see her all dolled up, and then we got to see her all disheveled, and both of those looks were gorgeous. David gives her a tiny fragment of the love and validation she deserves (I don’t know if this is when gwenvid started taking off -- I think it wasn’t really until “Parents’ Day,” or even Season 3 -- but I ate that s/hit up).

Also, again: job hunting post-2008. It’s a bad time, y’all. Camp Camp gets it.

23. Follow the Leader (Season 4, episode 6)

Yeah, I was kind of surprised at how high this landed, too. I guess I’m just a sucker for unlikely companionships, and these three have a great chemistry. The combination of competitiveness, sass, and reluctant admiration make their interactions a lot of fun. Their motivation of doing petty errands for Campbell for the sake of getting at the Box of Illegal Contraband is a great framework too, with high enough stakes to justify all sorts of wacky shenanigans without causing actual anxiety.

I want to see these characters forced to spend more time together. Please, RT, make that happen.

22. Escape from Camp Campbell (Season 1, episode 1)

In terms of numbers, this feels so low, but considering everything from about #45 on is ranked as at least decent, this is actually a pretty high rating. There are 21 episodes I’d call better than this, but these decisions were all pretty painful.

This introduces us to everyone! The main trio, the counselors, Mr. Campbell; we get a snapshot of the major personalities running around the camp, the major points of conflict (Max vs. David, primarily), the major building blocks of future episodes, setting, and relationships . . . 

Again, I don’t know how much of my love for this episode is nostalgia -- there’s a lot of squeeing at familiar faces and gags; this is the first time David gets hit by a bus!!! -- but it was a fun and funny introduction to a series that’s ended up being so important to me, and I’m so grateful this wonderful, quirky little show with its wonderful and quirky little premiere. 

Of all the episodes, I really can’t look at this one objectively. It’s too important.

21. The Fun-Raiser (Season 3, episode 1)

David and Gwen scheming is my ki/nk. They very rarely scheme together, but every single time their teamwork makes the dream work (or, more frequently, makes the dream fail horribly and have disastrous consequences) my soul flies out of my body and takes to the stars, where I write another 500 first chapters to gwenvid fanfics I’ll probably never finish.

This is a great follow-up to “Parents’ Day,” where we immediately see the consequences of the previous season finale and what happens when the one adult in the camp disappears. Mr. Campbell was a terrible adult, true, but at least he was smart enough not to steal QM’s hook. Like . . . whose plan was this? It was so bad. These two are hilariously incompetent sometimes -- often when their bad ideas are feeding off of each other, actually, a la this and “Space Camp Was a Hoax” -- and watching them frantically try and keep all their balls in the air is so great. 

The ending is satisfying, too; a bit graphic, in keeping with a show that tends to keep the violence limited to periodic spurts of bloodshed 1-2 times a season and mostly pretty mild the rest of the time, but between Max stepping up and fixing everything while still being his shi/tty self to our dear dumba/ss counselors getting their dumb as/ses handed to them (deservedly so, if we’re being honest) . . . it’s such a great note to begin a new season on.

20. Journey to Spooky Island (Season 1, episode 5)

A classic.

We get to meet our spooky boy Jasper, we get to watch the comedy trio play off each other and continue to sketch out the general contours of their friendship, and we get to see the Quartermaster with a big purple dil/do for a hand. What’s not to love?

19. The Butterfinger Effect (Season 4, episode 17)

CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES! GET YOUR CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES HERE!

I’ve already gone into some pretty intense detail about why I think this one is actually really good and carries the theme of embracing change that everything about Season 4 was centered around, but none of y’all read that so here it is in short: this episode is super funny, almost all of the campers’ transformations work really well as extensions of their characters while still being strange and surprising, and the fact that Nurf creates all of these problems by trying to solve them is deliciously fun to watch in a karmic sort of way.

Or maybe it’s just because any Nurf-centric episode is going to rank pretty highly for me. That is also possible.

18. Space Camp Was a Hoax (Season 2, episode 10)

Our camp counselors being bad people: it’s my drug of choice.

We get Space Kid tripping balls in what might be one of the funniest sequences in the show, the entire camp coming together to try and pull off the stupidest, most impossible task (and kinda maybe almost nailing it???), and once again the fun of watching Gwen and David scramble to keep from getting caught in their boss’s shit/ty lies is so great. And Lindsay’s voice acting is absolutely killer, even more so than usual. 

17. Jermy Fartz (Season 2, episode 4)

I get the sense this might be a somewhat controversial one. 

I’ve written before about why I think this episode is a lot of fun, but it mostly boils down to two things: watching the campers try (and fail) to be nice to the most bully-able person on the entire planet, and the essential likeableness of Jermy. 

No, really.

I think a lot of people were put off by Jermy’s general grossness, because . . . my god is he disgusting, but he’s also polite and good-natured, and seems totally self aware of how difficult he is to be around, without letting it make him depressed. He’s cheerful in a weirdly downbeat way that’s impossible to understand until you see him in action. He’s so matter-of-fact about his own awfulness in a way that I found entirely endearing. I don’t think I’d want him at my camp, either, but get that kid to a good dermatologist and gastroenterologist, teach him some basic hygiene and social skills, and you’ll have quite a little gentleman there.

I do however find it hilarious that apparently David got the type of tree wrong when making fun of Jermy. Not only is that a great moment for reveling in David being an as/shole, but he didn’t even have the right wood. F/ucking idiot. I love him so much.

These last ones are my favorites! (Well, duh, that’s how this whole ranking thing works.) Maybe not perfect, but just really good and with limitless rewatch value.

16. St. Campbell's Day (Season 4 holiday episode)

They Grinch’d Camp Camp. Those brilliant bast/ards, they really pulled it off.

Ignoring the fact that David is truly frightening-looking for most of the episode, this is a great bookend to Season 4, following up on the theme established in the first episode about how David is a flawed and selfish human being despite trying his best not to be.

This is another one I was surprised to find so high on the list, but the more I thought about it the more I realizes how good it is. David being a jerk is always one of my favorite storylines, and the fact that the trouble comes from him trusting Mr. Campbell too little instead of too much is a nice twist on the usual formula. Gwen coming to help him out despite a blistering hangover gave me aggressive shipping feels, yes, obviously. 

Between a lot of really funny little gags like QM’s failed satanic ritual and the genuinely touching moral about the importance of spending time with the people you love, it’s just a really lovely episode that gets just the right amount of maudlin for the holiday season. 

15. Jasper Dies at the End (Season 2, episode 5)

I kept switching this and “Dial M for Jasper”; it was a really difficult decision to make, figuring out where these two belonged. I think in the end, while the John Dies at the End reference was very, very good, this one loses me a little bit by being told from David’s perspective. Now, normally the more David is in an episode the more I’ll be likely to love it (see my #1 for proof of that), but his blinders when it comes to the camp and Mr. Campbell result in a really funny story, but one without the same emotional heft as hearing about what happened from Jasper’s point of view.

That doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for what it needs to be: each Jasper episode builds on the previous ones, and having the same intensity of “Dial M for Jasper,” where we learn how he died and how his relationship with David fell apart, would be weird and heavy at this point. In Season 1 we just found out he’s a ghost (and eagle-eyed viewers realized he’d been a camper with David); in Season 2 we find out how David views their friendship and time at camp; and in Season 3 we get Jasper’s perspective. It’s an absolutely wonderful raising of the stakes (for lack of a better term), but the one that packs more of an emotional punch is going to rank a bit higher than the one that’s mostly just for laughs.

That being said: there are plenty of laughs in this one. Everyone -- Griffin, Miles, Travis, the animators -- nailed this one, and it gets funnier every time I watch it.

14. Camporee (Season 1, episode 11)

AKA the episode where Forest realized she was in love with Gwen. 

What a great idea for an episode, seriously. Every coming-of-age story has a talent show or a competition or a big game -- something where the kiddos can show off their improved skills and teamwork to beat their bullies or whatever. And this show has both kinds of bullies: the popular girly girls and the violent muscleheads. What a great moment to pull everyone together and show how friendship can help us accomplish anything!

Except . . . of course that’s not what happens. Of course they’re absolute garbage, and of course teamwork isn’t the answer. Gwen is the perfect foil for David here, being the anti-teamwork, anti-Camp-Campbell adult who can perfectly and effortlessly undermine David’s relentless optimism. David wants so badly for his campers to live in the same coming-of-age summer movie he did as a child, and their staunch refusal to do that leads to a really heartbreaking closer to the episode, as well as lead into the next one. Everything about this, from the challenges to the setup to Gwen shouting “we are winning this FUC/KING trophy!” is just gold.

13. David Gets Hard (Season 1, episode 9)

We have David. We have Nurf. We have Gwen. We have Max trying to be helpful in the shi/ttiest way possible.

We have all the makings of a da/mn good episode. And they deliver. Not a very emotionally intense or moving one, but so, so funny.

12. Dial M for Jasper (Season 3, episode 5)

This isn’t the fate any of us expected for Jasper, and it’s not the fate of a lot of people wanted. But godda/mn it, it worked. The constant bait-and-switch the episode keeps playing with, where you keep waiting for something really dramatic and tragic to happen . . . and then the reality is that Jasper died because Mr. Campbell was stupid and careless, and it was all just a horribly sad accident.

It’s anticlimactic, but in a way that suits the series, both as a comedic counterpoint to all the hype throughout the episode and as a way to establish that Cameron Campbell is a bad man first and foremost through selfishness and laziness, not Daniel-esque sinister evil. Jasper’s death was totally avoidable and totally Campbell’s fault, and while that’s sad, it also adds a weird sort of lightness to the episode. David didn’t do something terrible to kill his best friend, Jasper didn’t kill himself, and without having actively chosen to murder a child (well, not this time), the door remains open for fans accepting Campbell’s later pseudo-redemption. It was just an accident, and Jasper was “haunting” David to tell him that he was sorry for how their friendship ended. That’s really sweet, actually.

I think it’s the best way this reveal could’ve gone, and I’m so impressed with how they pulled it all off.

11. Into Town (Season 1, episode 8)

This might actually be the only flawless episode in the entire show. I mean, I call a lot of them flawless, and I mean that on an emotional level -- “I love this so much I cannot see anything wrong with it” -- but this one is a masterpiece of storytelling. All the technical jumbo I’m bad at, like planting and payoff and tension and all of that, is just perfect.

I feel like this is the kind of claim that needs to be backed up with a long-as/s essay full of citations and video clips and references to, like, Joseph Campbell or something, but this is my 49th entry in the list so I am not going to be doing that. Besides, I don’t think my English degree qualifies me to critique film/animation; I don’t even entirely know half the terms I’ve used to compliment this episode. Someone else please explain why this is such a good one.

10. The Quarter-Moon Convergence (Season 4, episode 5)

I’ve mentioned in other entries that the weird, surreal humor sometimes doesn’t work; it feels too much like being odd for its own sake, and sometimes gets so distracted in being surreal that it forgets to include anything funny or meaningful. 

This . . . is not one of those.

Putting Harrison and QM together is a stroke of genius; the two of them are literally the most magical beings in the entire show, and using them as the conveyance for this great Lovecraftian horror-comedy was such a good idea. I don’t know if we’ll ever see these two interact in another episode -- honestly, this felt a bit like lightning in a bottle, and I have a hard time imagining what could possibly bring them together again -- but if this is the only episode we get, it is such a fantastic one.

Harrison makes a really good everyman, despite his powers; he’s just the right amount of confident and insecure to pull off that wide-eyed apprentice to QM’s grizzled wise mentor. (The fact that QM is objectively a terrible mentor is beside the point.) I still don’t entirely know what the two of them accomplished, but it feels baffling and momentous, with the perfect amount of gravity to make things extremely tense all the way through to the end.

Also, I guess God is an octopus? That’s kinda cool. I like octopuses.

9. Camp Corp. (Season 3, episode 12)

Another unpopular opinion? Oh ho ho, I am so contrary! I am Not Like Other Fans! I am the Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, refusing to have the same opinions of all you prepz.

I know this wasn’t the most well-loved episode, but I think it did a really great job tying together story threads woven throughout Season 3: Max’s selfishness leading to him hurting other people, his growing realization that he cares about his friends and the camp itself, the parallels between him and Mr. Campbell (and the fact that they both get this redemption moment in the finale). 

This is the most Max-centric season, focusing on his flaws and character growth, and they pulled it off in a really organic way that felt faithful to his character, touching without being too maudlin. The fact that his feelings about the camp are echoed in Gwen, Neil and Nikki, the other campers, and even Mr. Campbell drives home how important the camp -- and David -- are to this strange little family. 

Each season, Max reluctantly becomes a better person, without changing the fundamental core of who he is. That’s a really hard putt for the writers and Michael, and I’m blown away every finale by how they so consistently nail it.

8. Time Crapsules (Season 4, episode 18)

Gwen-centric? Check.

Max learning how to be a better person while still being the bratty kid we know and love? Check.

Looks at one of the most under-appreciated character dynamics in the entire show (i.e., Max and Gwen)? Checkity check-check-check.

I don’t really have much to say about this one, which I should: it was considered a pretty serious letdown to a lot of fans, and I’m not sure how to explain why I loved it so much. 

Comparing Max from “The Order of the Sparrow” to Max from this episode is wild. It’s not like 2 different characters: they’re still very obviously the same cynical, self-absorbed 10-year-old trying to survive summer camp. But he’s become a more considerate friend and decent version of that kid, and it’s great to watch. The moment where he and Gwen go too far and immediately regret snapping at each other is still painful (on my god, the VAs in this show, they’re so talented), Nikki and Neil both get nice subplots about how they’re also growing up, and the ending is fuc/king hilarious, perfectly breaking the tension from Campbell’s speech, which is both beautifully done and important to hear, especially if you’re in a period of uncomfortable transition (like, say, in your late 20s, or living through about 5 different national and global catastrophes).

And okay, I found that speech on the wiki for this episode and it made me deeply emotional, so here:

Here's the thing: you've got to take your failures and make something out of them. Take Camp Campbell for instance: a lot of poor decisions went into making this place what it is today. Sure, somewhere along the line it maybe strayed from its path, not living up to the camp it wanted to be. At some point, the camp realized that the camp would never reach the end of its path until it was ready or until it gave up. So, if the camp wanted to keep embezzling money and dealing with foreign powers, so be it! But, at some point, it didn't anymore. I never saw this coming, but I'm starting to think this camp is the best it's ever been.

If this is the last episode of Camp Camp we ever get -- and for at least a little while, it looks like it’s going to be -- I can’t think of a sweeter, funnier, and more lovely bittersweet note for this show to go out on.

7. The Lake Lilac Summer Social (Season 3, episode 6)

And again: No one was surprised. 

This is the longest non-finale episode of the show, and it uses that time perfectly. Rather than having some big emotional moments and character arcs -- which are great, don’t get me wrong -- the writers use the extended time to build a series of shenanigans as complicated as Gwen’s matchmaking web, and watching her try to set up a series of dominos (with David, for once, being the responsible, level-headed one) is almost as satisfying as the catastrophic results. 

Neil and Snake steal this episode, even from someone as in love with Gwen as I am, and for an episode that’s largely about making fun of shippers, there hasn’t been one that launched nearly as many ships as this. Neil/Snake? Tabii/Erin? Max/Nikki? GWENVID?! It’s all here, and I am here for it.

It was also fun to get a traditional episode setup in a very non-traditional show. I assume this means the beach and/or hot springs episode is forthcoming. (No, Pis/s Lake doesn’t count. Obviously it doesn’t count.)

6. Keep the Change (Season 4, episode 1)

Again, this is an episode I’ve said a lot about in the past -- and I was pretty uncharitable toward Season 3, which in retrospect was very unse/xy of me -- but I stand by a lot of my opinions then: this is a fu/cking great episode.

David is an as/shole, Max is an as/shole, Campbell is an as/shole. No one escapes the as/sholery. David schemes, Max catches him in the scheme, Campbell gets drunk and kind of gay . . . I’m 54 entries into this list and I don’t have much to say anymore: it’s just really good and fun and I love it.

5. Camp Loser Says What? (Season 4, episode 9)

This is another one I kind of hated when it came out, and again for fandom-related and personal-grudge reasons.

Fu/cking Daniel. That motherfu/cker. He shows up for 12 minutes and Tumblr bursts into flames. Every single time.

However, it’s really hard not to love this one. Daniel-as-Trump is a clever but subtle -- I mean, for this show’s definition of subtle -- allegory, and it’s amazing how much this slimy freak and the Woodscouts slot into it. David is a bise/xual disaster with the absolute worst taste in men, Dirty Kevin and Daniel are onscreen together for all of 2.5 seconds and the kevdan shippers lost their minds, and Xemug looks like Megamind for some weird reason.

My only minor complaint is that the ending is a bit anticlimactic, but it plays on Daniel’s stupidity and the value of teamwork, so it’s a very small nitpick in an episode that mostly works like gangbusters.

4. Cult Camp (Season 2, episode 1)

Duh. There’s a really good song and we’re introduced to a charismatic, sinister, and totally dumba/ss villain. What’s not to like?

I don’t think I even need to say anything about this episode. Season 2 started off the summer by throwing a lit firecracker directly at the viewer’s face, and ignoring the fact that we as a fandom proceeded to eat each other, it’s impossible not to get caught up in the episode’s wild energy.

And dude, that song. Fabulous. Fu/ck Daniel, but thank god he’s around to be such a prickly little pri/ck.

Now for the top 3: Literally perfect, wouldn’t change a single solitary thing.

3. After Hours (Season 4, episode 8)

I’m not sure anyone loved this episode as much as me. But this is my list, and I will put this up at the top if I want to and you cannot stop me.

It’s much easier in a lot of ways to talk about the episodes I hated than the ones I love this much. What do I say besides “literally everything about this fills me with joy and my life is better because it exists”? I don’t know. The counselors are my favorite characters, and between Gwen and QM having the weirdest bonding experience, Gwen getting to meet up with people who care about her silly fanfiction, Mr. Campbell being the trash grandpa of my dreams, David getting in way over his head . . . it’s the episode I always wanted, and they made it work so well.

Also, I just discovered that “Gwen Isn’t Your Mother So Stop Asking Her to Rinse Your Dishes” is an actual song and I am overwhelmed with delight. Here, I’m embedding it as well as linking because it’s so good:

God. This show. What the fu/ck even is up with this amazing, weird-as/s show.

2. The Order of the Sparrow (Season 1, episode 12)

Duh.

The entire first season is a great time (except “Reigny Day”), but it’s a pretty low-stakes kind of great time. There isn’t much in terms of emotional depth until the very end of “Camporee,” despite some hints at darker themes in one-off jokes and quick asides, so this episode comes a bit out of left field, tonally speaking.

But that’s not a bug, it’s a feature; if the show had been this overtly emotional from the outset, this finale wouldn’t hit as hard, and the rest of the season wouldn’t be as funny. 

This manages to serve as a capstone to the conflict of the first season, building on episodes like “Into Town” and “Escape from Camp Campbell” in a way that feels totally natural for both David and Max’s characters while revealing new sides of them. It works because it’s so unexpected, but it doesn’t come across as incongruous with their personalities. It’s the first and only time David swears in all 4 seasons, and that line -- I don’t even need to say it, you know exactly what I’m talking about -- still gives me chills.

Also, Gwen sings the camp theme song. Impossible not to cherish.

1. The Forest (Season 4, episode 12)

I’m not sure if this one is a surprise or not. It might be the obvious first place, or it might be a bit of an oddball for some people.

I had a really hard time choosing between this and “The Order of the Sparrow”; I switched their places half a dozen times, and the difference in quality between the two is razor-thin. I think part of that is because it accomplishes a lot of what “Order of the Sparrow” does: puts David in a situation where he’s pushed to his absolute emotional and physical capacity, crushes every shred of hope he has left, and sees what he’s actually made of when you strip everything away. It’s much more dramatic this time around, but it’s the same basic concept.

And just like in the Season 1 finale, what we see is a man who’s determined to do good even when he isn’t rewarded for it, even when he’s actively punished for it. Who wants to love nature, and life, and make the world a better place -- despite his faults, his selfishness and thoughtlessness and anger, David proves that he is fundamentally kind. He’s not nearly as deludedly optimistic as he seems; he just refuses to stop trying.

Because somebody fuc/king has to.

I’ll admit, some of what puts this one in first place is that I’m a sucker for whump, and David really goes through the ringer. However, I also think it’s important to acknowledge the risk Joe Nicolosi took with writing this episode: it’s all centered around a single character, it’s darker and more viscerally bloody than any other episode in the show’s history, the art is focused on these grand sweeping backgrounds that must’ve taken forever to paint, and there’s very little talking in a show that runs 99% on clever dialogue. This could have so easily backfired -- and for some fans it did -- but it was brave and beautiful and breathtaking.

I’ve actually only watched this in full once. It’s really hard to get through; it’s just so intense and even disturbing. But if there’s one episode I'll remember for the rest of my life, even when I’m 80 years old and haven’t seen the show in years, it’ll be “The Forest.”

It’s funny how such a sharp departure from the format and style of the rest of the show somehow manages to perfectly capture the heart of it. Talk about a fuc/king achievement.

So what have we learned?

I don’t entirely know what the purpose of this whole exercise was. I think it was mostly to get myself a nice Camp Camp fix that came from something other than slogging through 20 different fanfic WIPs, and to remind myself of what a strange and fun ride the last 4 summers have been. 

I also wanted to take a moment to acknowledge what Camp Camp means to me. This show has been hugely important to me on a personal level: I met two of my best friends through this fandom, and I’ve never been more connected to a community or readers than I have with CC. I know I bi/tch about this fandom a lot, but it’s a big extended internet family, and I’m so happy to be a part of it. Going through all these episodes, getting the chance to ramble about the things I liked and the things I didn’t, was a great way to reconnect with a series and community that I love.

So . . . what have we learned?

1. Season 4 was all over the place.

Some of this has to be due to the sheer volume of episodes, but when I sat down and organized everything into tiers:

There isn’t a single category Season 4 doesn’t have at least one episode in. I was surprised to see how high a lot of them ended up; it really was the best and worst of the show so far.

For the fun of it, I decided to give a number to each placement -- 60 points for the #1 episode, 59 for #2, etc. -- and see how each season broke down. Because that’s that kind of thing I think is worthwhile, apparently. And . . .

2. Seasons 1 and 4 are really good, actually.

Well, I don’t think anyone’s surprised to see how well Season 1 stacked up; it was amazing. But I was surprised to see how much I ended up enjoying Seasons 3 and 4, when if you’d asked me before this little project, I would’ve said they were the most underwhelming. Maybe I messed up the numbers a bit -- I’m no mathmagician -- but not only are they all really close, but Season 4 was one of my favorites.

3. This entire show is really good, actually.

One thing that really struck me when I put it all together visually is how most of the episodes sit in the “good,” “really good,” or “amazing” categories. The amount of episodes that are memorable, fun, and/or emotionally resonant is crazy. I don’t now how many other tiny cult-hit web series can say the same, honestly, and all of the writers, animators, directors/producers/other people whose jobs I don’t really understand, and voice actors should be commended for their outstanding talent and hard work.

4. Thank you, Camp Camp.

It was a real pleasure to relive all of these episodes again and think about what they meant to me. It won’t be the last time I sit down and watch this show -- and it certainly won’t be the end of my being a shrieking fangirl over it -- but with this break, where we have to get through a blazing, extremely difficult summer without a new season to fawn over, it’s nice to stop and appreciate what a precious gem of a show this is.

I hope everyone involved with Rooster Teeth is taking a much-deserved rest and prioritizing their health and well-being. Thank you for creating something truly special, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

[osakaso5]

Halloween Event Story

~Fluffy Blast Racing~ Chapter 6: Preparations

Chapter Index

Toma: Find anything, Torao?

Torao: Nope. Nothing but useless scraps.

Toma: Doesn't this colony have any shops we could buy parts from?

Red Cotton: <There were, once. But they haven't had decent items to sell ever since the eviluffs came.>

Torao: I see... And that's why nobody can build a car that could rival theirs.

Torao Eviluff: Look, luff! They're digging around in trash, luff!

Toma Eviluff: Here, have some of our garbage too, luff! You're welcome, luff!

Torao: ...Aren't you guys even a little ashamed of yourselves for doing that?

Torao Eviluff: Right back at you, luff!

Torao: Can you be happy with your victory if you don't actually earn it?

Torao: Is it satisfying to win through harassment and cheating?

Toma: Torao...

Torao Eviluff: Shut up, luff! We don't care what methods we use, as long as we win, luff!

Toma Eviluff: If you wanna lecture us, you gotta win the race, luff!

Toma: Yeah, that's exactly what we'll do!

Toma: And we'll teach you what REAL racing's like!

Torao Eviluff: Yeah right, luff!

Toma Eviluff: We'll see how good you race with a piece of junk, luff!

Torao: Oh, we'll do just fine. Our mechanic and engineer are talented enough to turn any piece of junk into a bona fide racer.

Torao: One man's trash is another man's treasure, as they say! 

- - - -

Haruka: This is where they keep their out-of-commission cars..? They're dented all over.

Haruka: Plus stained in some kind of weird liquids and eggshells...

Minami: Most of the tires have been sliced, too.

Minami: This couldn't have happened during a normal race. They must've been subject to sabotage.

Haruka: Unbelievable... Only an awful racer would ever damage a car on purpose!

Minami: I agree. They should cherish their cars like you cherish your tools.

Haruka: I-I don't do anything that special for my tools...

Haruka: Ah, what about that car over there? The engine looks intact, so we should be able to get it back up and running!

Minami: Hmm... It does look to be in a better condition than most cars here. We should probably use it for our project.

Minami: Also... we should probably come up with ways to counter our enemy's sabotage.

Haruka: How are we gonna do that, when we don't know what tricks they have up their sleeves..?

Minami: I have an inkling of what tricks they're using, based on the damage they've inflicted on these wrecks.

Minami: Hee hee hee. Let's make this even more fun by not only avoiding their attacks, but giving them a taste of their own medicine, as well.

Minami: ...For starters, let's install this machine here, and modify these parts over there...

Haruka: You seem more excited than usual.

Minami: Heh. I have a few mod ideas I've been waiting to try.

Haruka: Mod ideas...

Minami: They're a bit financially and ethically questionable on Earth, so this is a great change to make them a reality.

Haruka: Wait... What do you mean, "ethically questionable"..? I'm starting to get real worried...

Minami: Ah, don't worry. I won't make anything dangerous. They're only for self defense.

Haruka: Hmm... Oh well, I guess I'll have fun working with a new type of car, too.

Haruka: The stuff you design is always so unique and interesting.

Minami: You're the only person who understands my vision, Haruka. I'm counting on you.

Minami: ...I just hope Toma and Torao will find us good parts.

Toma: Hey, we're back!

Haruka: Here they come.

Torao: We couldn't find much... Can you two work with these?

Haruka: Duh. Don't you trust my skills?

Minami: Let's give it a try. 

- - - -

Minami: Phew... The design will look like this.

Haruka: Are you sure..? These don't exactly look like the blueprints for a car.

Minami: Yes, I'm sure. I was a bit worried about our lack of parts, but Toma and Torao brought us just what we need.

Toma: I didn't know you could use them for something like this...

Toma: I thought we'd be in trouble, since we could barely find working car parts.

Minami: On the contrary, everything you found provided useful. I'm amazed by the quality of what you brought.

Torao: Apparently the place we went for scavenging was a dining district the racers used.

Torao: Though all the restaurants went out of business thanks to the eviluffs.

Haruka: All the cars here were completely wrecked because of those guys, too.

Haruka: Breaking down perfectly good cars for no reason... Now that's something I can't forgive.

Toma: Yeah... That's why we're gonna teach them a lesson, and show them what's more fun than being bad!

Torao: Yep. If you make the car and I drive it, there's no way we'll lose.

Haruka: ...Not like we've ever won a race before.

Torao: This will be our first victory of many!

Haruka: I guess you're right! Don't you dare lose, because I'm gonna build you the best car you've ever seen!

Torao: Sure! You can count on me!

Minami: Heh, I look forward to watching you race. 

To be continued...