#seeing this had me very fucking emotional

[killiaia]

Bratty Jiu.

One girlsband. One fic by members. Leader to Maknae.

Start with Dreamcatcher.

The first time Jiu saw a video of you performing with the other group, she didn't react immediately. She blinked, staring at her phone screen as if she didn't understand what she was seeing.

You were there, center stage, surrounded by those girls. You were dancing with the same intensity that had always fascinated her, with the precision and energy that made him such an exceptional dancer. But what struck her wasn't your technique or your passion for dance.

It was the way you looked at them.

Those girls.

You smiled at them. You guided them with fluidity, your movements perfectly synchronized with theirs. Sometimes, you'd place a hand on the waist of one of them to adjust a posture. Other times, you'd meet their eyes with that natural assurance, that charisma that made you irresistible on stage.

Jiu felt a lump form in her stomach.

She had always told herself that she wasn't a jealous girl. That she trusted you. But at this very moment, that confidence seemed to be wavering, cracking under the weight of a feeling she had no control over.

The video continued, and the more she watched, the tighter her heart became.

There was one girl in particular who caught her eye. An idol known for her beauty and charisma. And you... you were giving her knowing glances. The kind of looks he usually reserved for people he felt comfortable with. To people he liked.

"Since when is he so close to her?"

An unpleasant heat invaded her chest. She tried to tell herself that this was just professionalism, that on stage, dancers had to exude that chemistry to captivate the audience.

But she couldn't convince herself.

The hardest part was watching you dance a duet with this girl.

It was sensual, fluid choreography. Your movements were perfectly coordinated. You guided her with ease, and she let herself go, her eyes plunged into yours.

Jiu felt her stomach twist.

She knew what it was like. A dancer herself, she knew that a good performance required connection, trust between partners. But seeing you, her boyfriend gives that connection to another girl hurt.

Too much.

She abruptly switched off her phone and threw it on the bed, as if the object were burning her fingers. She breathed in deeply, trying to calm the panicked beating of her heart.

But the damage was done.

Jealousy was seeping into her like a poison, slow and insidious.

And worst of all, she knew you probably weren't doing anything wrong.

But that didn't change the fact that she hated seeing another girl in your arms, feeling that you'd shared something with someone else while she was away.

--

The air was electric in the training room of Dreamcatcher. After several weeks' of absence, you were finally back. You'd been on tour with another girlband as a dancer, an incredible opportunity you couldn't refuse. But now you were back where you belonged, with the girls of Dreamcatcher... and especially with Jiu.

Jiu sat in a corner, her gaze fixed on him. She said nothing, but her silence was louder than any words. From the moment you'd walked through the studio door, a radiant smile on your face, she'd never stopped watching you. Not in the tender, loving way she was used to looking at him. No, this time it was different.

You could feel the tension. You knew it by heart. Jiu wasn't the type to hide her emotions, and here they were written in big letters on her face: she was jealous. Terribly jealous.

- Jiu, aren't you going to welcome me? you asked, approaching her.

She crossed her arms, her gaze hard.

- You're already welcomed, aren't you? I'm sure your little touring companions have made your day.

You sighed. You'd expected this, but he still hoped she'd give him a chance to explain.

- You know very well it was just a job. That's all it was.

- A job? Really?" she hissed. Did you see the videos ? Because I have. Those girls looked at you like you were their regular dancer... or more.

- Stop being a fucking brat. I was just doing my job! Nothing happened!

- I saw how one of the members was looking at you like she wanted you to fuck her like a slut on stage. 

- I'm leaving. When you stop being a fucking brat and stop behaving like my girlfriend, you let me know. 

- You like it when I'm a brat. 

- I do! I do! I like it when you're my submissive little brat but not when you're a jealous bitch. So I'm outta here. You know where to find me. 

--

You come home completely exhausted from training. You'd have liked to have had a bit of a vacation, even though you've just come back from tour, but no. As soon as it's over, you're back at it. As soon as it's over, you're back at it. 

It's been a hard day. You had to train with several bands. Some to appear in their video as an extra, others to be a back dancer.

You didn't see Jiu all day, and her reaction irritated you, but on the other hand you understood her. You were jealous of her performance at some tour , but you're more the type to say nothing. You'd have liked to see her and tell her it was all childish and that you wanted to be with her.

But that's not how it goes. 

As soon as you've put your key in the lock of your apartment door, you notice that it's not locked. Suspicious, you slowly step back on your guard.

A burglary? You wrap your keys around your hand, ready to fight, but what lies ahead doesn't make you want to fight. Quite the opposite, in fact.

In front of you, dark hair in a mess, nibbling lips, enchanting curves, long legs, thighs that just want to be kissed, hardened nipples where your tongue just wants to lick them, but above all that pussy. That pussy just begging to be fucked.

Jiu is completely naked in front of you.

"Hey daddy. I wanted to apologize for my behavior. So I got you something. " 

You swallow slowly and ask 

"And what's that?"

With seductive steps, Jiu moves towards you. You don't dare move and Jiu clings to you. The warmth of her body, her nipples you feel against you.

Jiu grabs your hand and you let her, intoxicated by her.

Jiu licks your fingers and you hold back a moan.

"My mouth. " 

She moves your hand down to her breasts and with her hand forces you to grab one of them.

"My breasts. "

God, her voice. 

Gently, almost painfully, she brings your hand down, you expect to touch her pussy but at the last moment she puts your hand on her thigh.

"My thighs." 

You nod, you don't know why, but you nod anyway. With a sensual gesture, Jiu sticks closer to you and directs your hand to her ass and whispers in your ear. 

"My ass."

You want to fuck her right now. 

But Jiu still hasn't made you touch the last place. The most important, your favorite part of her.

So gently, sensuously and almost intoxicatingly, Jiu takes your hand, spreads the folds of her pussy with your fingers and murmurs erotically against your lips.

"My tight little pussy. "

You don't wait any longer. You kiss her and push a finger straight into her pussy and Jiu hasn't lied, it's tight.

Plastered against the wall Jiu looks up in pleasure, the intrusion sudden but too good. You don't give her time to think, you insert a second finger and the noises her pussy makes are obscene but so sensual. 

Jiu moans into your mouth and runs her hands around your neck to deepen the kiss. 

"I've missed you, Daddy. " Jiu says against your mouth.

"It's that Jiu I've missed. My little brat ."

Jiu wants to say something but you quicken the pace of your fingers. You pull your fingers out of her vagina, Jiu wants to protest but her protest dies in her throat when you start touching her clit. 

"Do you like it? You like Daddy touching your pussy? My needy brat. "

Jiu undulates her pelvis to get more friction from your fingers but you slap her pussy, making her tremble with pleasure. 

"Don't you fucking move. Stay against the wall and spread your legs. "

Jiu nods and spreads her legs. You kiss her and get down on your knees. Before you her pussy looks so appetizing. Gently, you step forward and lift your head, staring into Jiu's eyes, and lick her clit.

"Oh my god. " Jiu says, biting her lip.

You're licking everywhere. Her clit, with your fingers you spread the folds of her pussy and lick. You grab her leg and pull it over your shoulder.

"Daddy! "

With this new angle, you have better access to her pussy. You place a few kisses on her clit and feel Jiu's hands in your hair. 

With your tongue, you make circular movements on her clit and Jiu presses her pussy against your mouth. You grab her buttocks and stick to her pussy, making Jiu wobble. She catches herself on a shelf behind and your next move is unexpected. You put both hands under her legs and lift Jiu off the floor.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD" Yells Jiu, overwhelmed by pleasure.

Plastered against the wall and in the air. You feast on her pussy. Jiu presses your face against her pussy and you feel the young woman roll her pelvis, she wants to cum. 

This happens when you insert a finger into her asshole. You feel Jiu's legs trembling and you quickly pull out of her vagina to grab her and place her gently on the floor.

You're face to face and Jiu is still trembling. Breathing hard, she looks up at you and you see envy, desire and, above all, love. Gently, you approach her. You grab her chin and Jiu plants her gaze on yours. You approach her and kiss her. Jiu wraps her arms around your neck and deepens the kiss. You place your hand on her cheek and insert your tongue into her mouth. 

After several seconds, you part breathlessly. 

"More? "You ask.

"I want to suck your dick daddy. "

"That's my brat. "You say, kissing her on the forehead. "Here? " 

Jiu nods and you stand up. Your gaze anchored in hers, you remove your belt and pants. Jiu supports your gaze but she quickly looks away when you pull out your cock. 

Just as you're about to say something, Jiu swallows your cock. No game, no tease, in one motion your cock hits the back of Jiu's throat. 

"Holy shit," you swear. "Did you miss it that much? " 

Jiu says nothing. She doesn't answer you, she's focused on sucking your cock. With a wet pop, she takes your cock out of her mouth and looks at you. She grabs your cock and starts to wank you gently. She places several kisses on your cock. She starts from the tip and works her way up to your balls. 

"I've missed your cock so much. " 

You'd like to say something, but the way Jiu is licking your balls is stopping you. On top of that, Jiu starts jerking you off. Slow movements, then speeding up. 

Jiu licks all over your cock and engulfs your dick again. She bops her head and you groan.

"Fuck, princess." You moan.

The only sound you hear is Jiu's gags. Jiu is starving, the speed at which she bops her head makes you lose your mind. 

With a wet pop, Jiu pulls out your dick and jerks you off, licking the tip.

"Daddy gonna drop a big load of cum down my throat?"

"You bet. "

Jiu gives you a beautiful smile and takes your cock back into his mouth.

"Fucking bratty princess. You suck my dick like a pro. "

Jiu moans around your cock. She loves compliments.

All of a sudden you grab Jiu's hair and without warning, you thrust.

Although surprised, Jiu takes it like a pro. She grabs your hips and even forces you further down her throat.

It suits you.

Your thrusts are faster and more violent. But Jiu holds on, she gags and her eyes fill with tears. You don't stop, you feel yourself coming and with a sharp thrust, you sink into her throat and spill your hot cum.

After a long, hoarse moan, you withdraw your cock and fall gently to the floor. Jiu catches his breath and looks at you.

"You are so fucking good princess. "

Jiu looks you straight in the eye and opens her mouth. Without a word, she swallows your cum. 

You waste no time and grab Jiu. You bend her over the sofa armrest and spread her ass. Jiu says nothing and lets out a moan as you start inserting two fingers into her pussy.

"Tonight I'm taking care of all your holes. I'll start with your pussy."

"Please..." begs Jiu. 

You position yourself behind her and take your cock in hand. With your cock you tease Jiu. You run your cock over the folds of her pussy. 

"Put it in. " 

Jiu rests her head against the sofa and with her hands spreads her buttocks. The view is absolutely breathtaking. You don't hesitate for a second to ram your cock inside her, wringing a moan of pleasure from her. 

"I've missed your pussy so much. "

Jiu would like to say something but you speed up the strokes of your pelvis. The only sounds that come out of her mouth are moans.  With your hands you grab the young woman's hips and speed up again. 

"And you dared to think I'd fuck another idol when I've got you. How is it possible to do without you? This tour has been hell. "

"Oh god!" Jiu moans.

"Evenings of loneliness. "You penetrate Jiu. "Evenings imagining you sucking me off." Another blow. "I imagined you like tonight, bent over and me taking you like the brat you are. "

"Don't you dare compare yourself to others ever again. You're my brat. Is that clear? "

"YES DADDY! "

You pick up the pace and the sound of flesh against flesh gets louder and louder. You lean over Jiu and kiss her neck, drawing a little moan from her. You kiss the back of her neck and, with one hand, knead her breast. Jiu wants to moan, but suddenly you grab her face and turn to kiss her. Jiu moans into your mouth and you continue to fuck her pussy.

"I'm going to cum. "Jiu moans against your mouth.

"Go for it. "You answer against her mouth. 

Jiu closes her eyes and concentrates on her pleasure. You straighten up and grab Jiu's hips firmly. You don't hesitate for a second and fuck Jiu like the brat she is.

The strokes are more powerful, faster. You feel Jiu's pussy tighten around your cock. 

"Oh Fuck! "Jiu shouts. 

You feel her pussy clench and Jiu starts shaking, her breathing jerking. Gently, you lie on top of her and kiss the back of her neck.

"Good girl. "

You don't give her time to come to her senses. Your cock is quickly replaced by two of your fingers. 

"It feels so good," says Jiu. 

"And this will be better," you reply to Jiu.

With your hand you spread her ass and start licking her asshole.

Jiu arches her back in pleasure as you lick her hole. 

"Oh...Daddy.. That's...so...so...good."

You concentrate on licking her hole as you continue to move your fingers in and out of her pussy. 

You feel Jiu undulate her pelvis to get more friction and you decide to slap her ass. 

"Don't fucking move. "

Jiu relents and with her hands spreads her ass even wider. 

After licking her asshole you stand up and position yourself behind her. You grab your cock and put it in front of her asshole.

"I'm going to take it slow. "You warn Jiu.

"No!" 

"What? " 

"Don't be gentle! Fuck my asshole like the brat I am. "

My god the voice with which Jiu said that. If you weren't hard, you'd get a hard-on straight away.

You push your cock into her ass and Jiu encourages you. 

"Come on daddy. FUCK ME IN THE ASS. "

A powerful thrust drives you into her ass and Jiu screams with pleasure. Your thrusts are powerful and bestial. You grip her hips, your thrusts move the couch and Jiu grips the couch. 

Jiu puts her hand under her body and starts touching her clit.

"I love having your big cock in my ass so much. Fuck me. "

"Your ass is so tight. "

"Fill me up. Fill my ass with cum. "

Your thrusts are slower but much deeper. You manage to shove your entire cock up Jiu's ass. 

"I'm so going to fill your ass."

"Do it. Do it daddy. "

One last thrust and you cum in Jiu's ass. Jiu, still busy touching her clit, follows you a few seconds later and your cock is expelled from her ass.

Completely out of breath you stand back and admire your art. Your cum shoots out of her ass and down to her pussy. You slap her ass for the last time.

"Fucking brat. “

Jiu laugh softly.

[flock-of-cassowaries]

Spot on about Ken, Connor, and Shiv, but I think I’d describe Roman’s childish attitude more as ‘daddy, please do something that makes it clear (to me, and everyone else) that me you don’t see me as a pathetic little f*g anymore’.

Roman knows that Logan will never apologize or take accountability for any of the abuse he heaped on Roman, and that he will never ever admit to being wrong in his consistent casual homophobia.

But because Logan is such a larger than life figure to Roman (and to everyone else), and because Roman is so reliant on him financially, Roman can’t seem to gather up the courage to admit to himself that his father is just a huge pice of shit.

So instead, Roman has stayed stuck in a place of measuring his self-worth from the perspective of someone who fucking hates him.

And I get that. I did that for a long time.

Storytime below the cut. Cw for bullying, sui mention, misogyny, and a mention of death.

For two years in high school, I had a friendship-turned-situationship with a guy I admired on many, many levels. Like, I just thought he was the coolest creature I’d ever met. I broke up with my boyfriend to be with him.

Shortly after that, he turned around and made a multi-year public art project (in collaboration with said ex-boyfriend) of trying to convince everyone I was a worthless person, and attempting to convince me to kms.

And like, I knew this should be enough to be absolutely disqualifying, in terms of me caring about his opinion of me. Like, it was absolutely ridiculous, over-the-top, clear-cut harassment.

But I was 17, and deeply insecure. And I could never really internalize the possibility that I had just been wrong about him. Like, I tried, but it just didn’t feel plausible to me at all.

The idea that he might be right was given further credence by the fact that he was very charismatic and popular, and 95% of the people my age within about a 20-km radius were just like “🍿🍿🥤”.

(I think there was an element of misogyny to it - I was the ‘hot girl’ in high school, but also kind of an awkward, academically-driven and super-smart weirdo, so I think a lot of people really enjoyed seeing me get taken down. Looking back, decades later, it feels a lot like a much smaller-scale version of the 2022 defamation campaign against Amber Heard, except pre-social media, and comfined to the teenage social environment in my city. Thank christ. But I was 17 and this was 2003, so… it really sucked, and felt very much like a very specific indictment of me.)

But yeah… I spent an embarrassingly long time feeling like I had to prove (to my ex-situationship, and to everyone else) that I was actually awesome enough that he would take it back, or at least be thoroughly publicly discredited.

I don’t think I really fully got over it until 2014 (11 years later). My ex-situationship had been dead for six years at that point, but it just haunted me.

And even after I finally more or less shrugged that shit off, I was kind of in a similar place with my extremely charismatic, intentionally-menacing, and occasionally physically abusive father. Though, in that case, I had the advantage of literally everyone except my mother (and sometimes, even her) being like “Yo, Cass, your dad’s a fucking **nutcase**, eh?”

And like, I knew I was queer, and I knew he hated queer people. But I hesitated to really let myself think about distancing myself from him, because I was socially isolated, and he was my dad, and I was very financially dependent on him at that time.

So yeah… I guess I can kind of sympathize with Roman’s emotional reasons for wanting that ultimate endorsement (being named successor) from his dad. Even though his dad’s a piece of shit who hates him. Even though he has more than enough information to be able to see that this is not a man who’s esteem is worth chasing (at the expense of his own integrity and humanity). Even though he clearly is intelligent enough to figure it out.

Because if you’re fucked up enough emotionally, it can just feel… inexplicably impossible to put that shit together. And I remember how that felt.

(I don’t think I would’ve sold the country to a nazi about it, though; but I did vote for Stephen Harper - a conservative politician who opposed gay marriage - at least twice, in 2006 and 2011, when I was reading a lot of conservative news and still sort of idolizing my father. So who the fuck knows.)

all the sibs have such a specific childish attitude about what they want like kendall’s ‘gimme it i want it its mine’ or roman’s ‘ive been a good boy daddy can i please have the company now?’ or connors ‘gimme it or im gonna throw a tantrum in this macy’s shoes aisle’ or shivs ‘i dont even care if you give me it its like whatever honestly this is actually sooo lame’ babies. infants. spoiled brats.

[no-144444]

simple, easy life- m.verstappen

summary: an accident happens and max's life changes for the worst

pairing: max verstappen x fem! reader

warnings: main character death, death, car crashes

a/n: YUKI TO RB???? I MEAN SLAY FOR HIM BUT ALSO THE RB IS SHIT, AND POOR LIAM, AND I HATE REDBULL! (not u isack, yuki, max, or liam, but fuck u helmut marko u twat)

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Realistically, cars were Max’s first love. You weren’t disillusioned to the fact that Max was a car guy in every sense of the word, and constantly made jokes that he loved his cars more than you. 

He’d never drive a car again if it meant you never got hurt like this. 

He had been sitting at dinner, the most regular experience, the night before the China GP, and your best mate, Hailee, called him sobbing crying. 

“Max, it’s Y/n, I have no idea what’s happened, but it’s bad. She’s in emergency surgery or something, they didn’t tell me. I just- GET HERE, alright Max. Get here.”

And she hung up as his world stopped. His entire world shattered because you were hurt, you were thousands of miles away, and he had a race tomorrow. 

“Are you alright mate?” GP leaned over and questioned, his voice low. 

“I have to go back to Monaco,” he announced, getting up from his chair and tucking his jacket under his arm, beginning the walk out of the restaurant. 

GP fumbled to follow after him, and the voices of Helmut, Jos,  and Christian calling Max back echoed through the restaurant. “Mate, what’s going on?!” GP shouted after him as they reached the streets of Shanghai. 

“It’s personal,” he answered. “Get Yuki to fill my seat. Have Pepe fill his. Done.”

“Max, Christian isn’t going to take ‘it’s personal’ as a response, that’s going on?” GP grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back. “What’s happened?”

“Y/n’s hurt,” he admitted, looking down. “And she needs me.” 

His face fell, his jaw dropping. “My god, is she alright?” 

Max shrugged, emotion catching in his throat. “I don’t know.”

He'd never seen Max like that. He’d never seen him almost cry over a girl. He’d never seen him sacrifice championship points for someone, for anyone. 

“What’s going on Max?” Jos demanded, stepping out beside the two men. He placed a hand on the back of his neck, and Max tensed up. 

“I have to go back to Monaco,” he answered, his voice steady. “It’s important.” “Nothing’s more important than racing-”

“Y/n is,” Max interjected. “And she’s lying in a fucking hospital bed on the other side of the world, so yes, she’s more fucking important!” he argued, slapping his father’s hand away. “We have reserve drivers for a fucking reason. Use them.” 

And he walked away. Away to the airport where his jet was being stored, and he flew straight back home, catastrophizing the entire way. What if you were injured badly? What had happened? Had it been a drunk driver? Would you have serious disabilities? Would you have to take time off work? Which car were you driving, was it his? And the worst thought of all popped into his head; What if you were dead? 

He pushed it back as far as he could, but still, it stayed. Lingering like the smell of your goddamn perfume on his jacket.

୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅

All he could smell was antiseptic and a little bit of dread. It had been an exhausting 14 hour flight, one he couldn’t rest on. Max prided himself on being able to sleep through anything, and anywhere. That was not the case when it came to you. 

“And how do you know the patient?” the nurse asked, pulling him out of his spiral once more. 

“I’m her fiancé,” he answered, eyes glassy and heavy. 

“She’s just down the hall in room 8. Be aware, it may be a bit of a jarring sight, she’s hooked up to a few machines, and she’s in an induced coma,” the nurse tried to put it as softly as she could, but no one could make that sound good, not even Bruce Buffer. “Do you want someone to accompany you? I can come in, just for moral support?” she offered, seeing the way Max’s body language changed at her words. 

He chuckled sadly. “You’re very kind, but no. Thank you.”

She nodded and he walked on. He needed to do this on his own, mostly because he didn’t really know what he was walking into. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but he knew he was going to stand by you forever, if that’s how long this took. Though he hoped it wouldn’t. He hoped you’d pull through, get strong again, do all the things you wanted with your life. 

Be there with him while you both grew old, have you care for him even when no one remembered his name. 

Be in love. Get married. Have that small family you always wished for. 

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You died at 1.33am. The universe was taunting him, clearly. He held your hand. He didn’t call the nurse. He just sat there for a few moments, trying to imagine a future without you. He fucking couldn’t. His whole life was centred around you, around you being in it. After F1 he would just stay in Monaco with you, spend his days watching his kids grow up. He would walk them to school in the mornings and bring you back a coffee from your favourite shop, maybe a cinnamon roll on a Friday, or everyday. Depends on what you’d let him do. He’d come in, coffees in hand, and bring yours to you in bed, or maybe in your office. Maybe you’d kiss him. Maybe you’d smile one of those perfect smiles of yours. Maybe it wouldn’t matter, because you both knew you had another chance the next day. 

And all of that was gone. You were gone. 

So what was meant to happen now?

He didn’t know. He didn’t want to know. 

But he had to. He ran through all the motions, he signed the paperwork, and he picked out the casket. 

But he should’ve been picking up the kids from school, holding your hand and kissing you, even if it embarrassed them. 

It should’ve been a simple, easy life. 

But it wasn’t.

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redbull & vcarb masterlist

[soft-pine]

I got an ask about semantics, that Dean is often branded “toxic” and that it tends to be overused. Semantics isn’t my strong point, so i thought I’d come to a Dean historian. :)

Do you think this is overused for Dean?

I find it’s a much more interesting conversation when we describe his behavior for what it actually is—whether he’s being stubborn, dismissive, hostile, or even emotionally guarded. I think some of the specific ways he copes—through joking, deflection, self-sacrifice, breaking objects, or pushing people away—are very human.

I think it was @ilarual that pointed out that Supernatural isn’t a Saturday family drama… it can’t be divorced from its religious horror fantasy roots. The characters’ struggles—whether emotional breakdowns, crises of faith, or cycles of self-destruction—aren’t just personal; they’re heavy with cosmic forces, biblical themes, and the weight of fate itself.

Anyway, it’s hard for me not to see “toxic” as a copout word. (Forgive me for dumping on you.)

Hi Shal! I'm so honored to get two asks from you!! I was carrying them around in my head all week though I didn't have time to answer :(

I'm trying to gather my thoughts about this. Because, yes, I agree that calling Dean "toxic" is a) not accurate and b) a cop-out for analysis. And I certainly agree that that word is overused by deancrits particularly.

I think I'm probably not grasping the full weight and meaning of ilarual's point but from what I'm getting, I think that's a really important element to how dean (and sam and cas and jack etc) act and how we evaluate their actions. The stakes are always so damn high for all of them.

Stepping back for a moment, when reading fic I'm often a little frustrated if Dean is characterized the way he is in canon but most of the contexts that have made him behave, react, be that way are removed. Because in some of those instances, I think some of his behavior reads as pretty ungrounded from reality and maybe more into the kinds of patterns which coalesce into toxicity. (I mean I also think fanon makes people lean into these kinds of characterizations of dean - disaster bisexual, repressed and biphobic, and various other things which are incomprehensible to me)

But in canon, I tend to personally struggle to define any of TFW et al as "toxic." I recall a conversation I had with a friend after watching Lucifer Rising where she was critical of Dean for yelling at Cas when he was trying to break Cas free of Heaven's plans to bring on the Apocalypse. She said he was being mean. I remember feeling so confused - surely if the stakes are the whole entire world, you are well within your rights to raise your voice?

I think all of TFW has moments of being not particularly kind or good communicators or steamrolling each other's emotions or various other things which are kinda yucky interpersonally. But it's pretty much always because the stakes are so fucking high; the world is in peril; there isn't time to have a conversation; they are dealing with catastrophic grief while also having to do crisis management. Most of the conflict in spn happens when the characters are going through what, for most people, would hopefully be the worst day of their lives. And for our boys that happens again... and again...

I am not saying all of this to say we can't call out specific instances of them not being very kind to each other - Sam strangling Dean, Dean aiming a gun at Sam, Cas beating Dean up in an alley, Dean beating Cas up in s10 etc etc. And I also think it's important to talk about the ways these kind of moments constitute or break from their common behavioral patterns - or don't. Eg in your post about Amara and 15.15, you pointed out that betraying and forcibly sacrificing someone who isn't really a direct threat and is learning and growing is not in line with Dean's usual morals - a break from a pattern. And people often point out Cas' pattern for trying to problem solve solo. (These are just examples and by no means comprehensive!)

All this is to say that I actually think that if they all ever got to be in safe, calm world, got some space and time, they all really really do have values around talking things out (we see this again and again) and listening to the differences in how they feel or want to handle situations. Sam and Dean alone have a staggering amount of conversations at the end of episodes where they had conflict. Dean and Cas have multiple on-screen conversations about what caused tension between them and many off-screen conversations which are alluded to. I don't think any of them are perfect communicators. I think they all have various amounts of introspective capacity and effort at various times. They all have some well-worn and not all that healthy emotional go-tos because of the traumatic lives they have all lead - which would take time and safety to unlearn, unpack, and change.

I know your question was about Dean but there's not much I really have to say about Dean which doesn't apply to the others. I am specifically a die-hard Deangirl(gn) but this logic is what would keep me from making a long post about how Sam or Cas are Toxic(tm) even when I'm seeing them exhibit a specific behavior pattern which is annoying to me.

But the last thing I'll say is much more Dean specific and that is that Dean is sort of always just supposed to absorb and roll with everyone else's opinions and analysis and choices and not react with his true or full emotions or else he gets these labels thrown at him. This reminds me of a time I saw a Casgirl(gn) claim it was okay for Cas to beat Dean up in 5.18 because he was really mad at Dean... ? Or what we were talking about a week ago with the Mia Vallens therapy where Sam's frustration and hurt and anger are listened to and validated - including him lashing out at Dean - and the grief and frustration and cornering that Dean is feeling are somehow not supposed to affect the way he's acting? I'm certainly not the first to point this pattern out by any means but I do think that that's a big contributing factor in labeling Dean toxic while having explanations, exceptions, and excuses for the others.

Lastly, you are never dumping on me though I fear this reply is at risk of being a dump <3 I also don't even know if I really answered your question...

Oh wait, one more thing. I think the way fandom can be so focused on looking for the Victim(tm) and the Abuser(tm) means that, especially in many moments in spn, they are utterly missing that one of the inherent consequences of whichever godawful shit the characters are facing is that their beliefs about how to handle it will be in tension. And that's gonna suck for everyone. But it's actually no one's fault that they're arguing or disagreeing about how to handle it.

[shadowgast-recs-weekly]

Merfolk: A Fic Reclist

This week, we have six fics that feature merfolk in some way - with Caleb, with Essek, with Verin?!? Some of them are beautiful, some of them are funny, and some are a combination of the two (like a mermaid). Check them out beneath the cut, and remember to comment or kudos if you like them!

surface level only by vietbluecoeur (vietbluefic) (1522, Not Rated) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Caleb has a chance encounter with a mermaid in the ocean

Reccer says: beautiful and atmospheric, a lovely accompaniment to the fanart that inspired it

That's why it's hotter under the water by professor (3231, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Thelyss brothers find out firsthand that sometimes genetics are really fucking weird.

Reccer says: Great characterization and laugh out loud funny. The perfect fic, no notes.

A Scaled Splendor by royalgreen (allyoop) (656, General) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Caleb is aware of how new this relationship with Essek is; the tender first steps from friendship to something more. He decides to create a magical surprise, but is met with a surprise of his own.

Reccer says: The reveal made me laugh out loud!

sunlight gold & silver scales by quinn_of_aebradore (2776, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Caleb returns to Nicodranas after many months away, eager to see Essek once again. Their reunion is a joyous one and they both learn that the other has had something on his mind.

Reccer says: Though it's a short one, it's very very sweet!

reuniting by emziewrites (1606, General) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

A human Caleb and a merman Essek reunite after time apart.

Reccer says: Though full of feelings and emotions, there's a nice sprinkling of interesting world building!

and then three for this last one!

Till human voices wake us by mousecookie (66080, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: None

Essek Thelyss, lonely and ambitious prodigy, comes to Nicodranas to make a risky gamble with the Assembly. At the water’s edge, he finds himself swept up in another dangerous entanglement he can't seem to escape — and as time goes on, he's less and less sure he wants to. Will his treasonous alliance or the sea itself devour him first?

Reccer 1 says: I liked it! Reccer 2 says: ITS SO GOOD. ITS SO GOOD. All of the characterizations are wonderful, the incorporation of canon events is so interesting, and everything about it is AMAZING. One of my favorite fics for sure!! Reccer 3 says: The slow burn romance and fascination that Essek has with mer-Caleb is so compelling, and the fic has ART and it’s GORGEOUS!!!!

This is one of our weekly communally-generated shadowgast rec lists. Every week we announce a new theme and allow anyone to submit a fic recommendation. 

And hey, anyone includes you!

Next week, we'll be featuring Older Favorites - fics older than two years! You might be thinking - hey, don't you usually do that the last week of the month? And isn't this the last week of the month? Well - April Fools! We're changing it up just this once (also known as we forgor)

Any fics coming to mind? Well, then use this form to submit!

[yanderes-galore]

Can I request a romantic yandere short with prompts

"I could look into those eyes forever...."

"I've been waiting too long for this...."

"They never loved you. Only I love you."

for Tomura Shigaraki from My Hero Academia?

Potential plot, up to you if you use this: he kidnapped Darling since he's had his eyes on them for a while… he was definitely looking forward to making them his. And aww, poor Darling, the heroes never came to save you, did they? :D

I feel like these lines in his voice would be creepy as fuck ngl, but that's the point.

Yandere! Tomura Shigaraki Prompts 8, 20, 22

"I could look into those eyes forever...."

"I've been waiting too long for this...."

"They never loved you. Only I love you."

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Delusional behavior, Possessive behavior, Manipulation, Emotional sadism, Kidnapping, Isolation, Neglect/Starvation mentioned once, Threats, Forced relationship.

You don't remember how long you've had to endure him. You don't even know how his obsession came to be. The most you knew was that Shigaraki was a lunatic villain...

You also know the heroes... your friends... haven't come to find you.

You knew Shigaraki delighted in that little thought. Poor you, an upcoming hero, stolen away before you managed to get anywhere. You guessed he was waiting for quite a while to catch you...

It unnerves you how prepared he was.

Shigaraki has always taken joy in breaking the spirit of others. He probably adored you because keeping you here drained the hope from your eyes. Nothing's more attractive than a hero at their worst....

The restraints he used feel heavy on your body. You can tell their quirk canceling, based on the fact you feel tired all over. Not only that... but Shigaraki isn't very regular with feeding you.

You never liked to listen to your captor. You always called him by what the public knew him. You even ignored his attempts at affection.

Which often made him threaten to use his quirk on you.

Even as his personality matures, you notice some of his behaviors are still childish. He's still a man who tries to get what he wants. Even if it requires waiting... and a lot of planning.

Shigaraki preyed on your heroic code when he captured you. You had been too busy focusing on others that you never noticed you being targeted. It was a dumb mistake...

Shigaraki knew this... Your kindness is annoyingly endearing yet useful for him to trick you.

Now you reside in what looks more like a bunker than a room. The reinforced concrete walls and restraints you wear remind you of what you truly are. Regardless of the affection Shigaraki throws at you...

You were always intended to be his prisoner, one he was going to break to fuel his own desires.

You don't look up when the door opens. You already knew who it was. After all, you've only ever seen him since your capture.

"I've been waiting too long for this...." Shigaraki chuckles, raspy voice sounding all too eager as usual. "I assume you've behaved?"

You grimace. What a sick joke. You know damn well he knows you can't leave this room. Upon seeing your expression... He simply grins.

"You must be bored, yeah?" Shigaraki continues, stalking closer with a sadistic gleam in his eyes. "After all, you can only sit here and wait for me, right? You know those friends of yours aren't coming...."

You tense and Shigaraki picks up on the movement like a hawk. It's sudden when he snickers and kneels in front of you, cupping your face. He could use his quirk on you, make your skin crumble painfully...

But he won't.

He hates to admit it yet he did pick you because he was strangely fond of you.

"Oh? Is the fallen hero still holding out for their friends?" The villain muses, caressing your skin as though he was inspecting the surface. His red eyes keep looking into yours... you hate it.

"... I don't understand you. You get on my nerves yet you're always on my damn mind. I hate you... yet..." Shigaraki murmurs, keeping your head in place as he looks at your eyes.

Even now they swirl with hope... The thought disgusts him... Yet he can't help but admire the idea of your resolve shaking.

"I could look into those eyes forever...." Shigaraki comments, mostly to himself. He then leans forward, a wicked smile on his face. "But they'd look so much better once I've broken that heroic resolve of yours. You're far into denial, aren't you?"

"You underestimate my friends... They'll find me... I know they will." You spit, trying to annoy him enough for him to leave you in silence again. Instead... You see a glimpse of frustration in Shigaraki's gaze...

Before he struggles to hold in an exasperated laugh.

"Wow! No wonder you keep tormenting me! You're completely unreal!" Shigaraki blurts, leaning back and looking at you like you were joking.

"You think they care?" Shigaraki continues, amused by his obsession's little daydream. "Sweetheart... You think they love you? You think you all love each other, don't you!?"

You can hear Shigaraki's amusement melt into irritation. As though the idea of you caring about anyone else other than him was unheard of. You nod in response...

Only for Shigaraki to wrap his fingers around your neck.

The pressure is faint yet firm enough. This is a threat... but not to choke you. He can do much worse.

"Forget about them. Seriously. They'll think you're dead or something similar eventually. You weren't even that popular..." Shigaraki growls, glaring into you while watching your eyes transition to fear... and insecurity...

"No one loved you, Sweetheart..." Shigaraki hums, moving his other hand to touch your cheek. "They never loved you. Only I love you."

"You don't love me." You retort, making Shigaraki think for a moment as he pushes you into the mattress, looming over you.

"Hate and love are closely related... It's not like you have anyone or anything else to pay attention to you, right? You might as well enjoy my company..." Shigaraki hisses... yet you faintly pick up on a playful tone.

It's a... sadistic tone...

"You'll be better off letting me break you, babe..." Shigaraki purrs, leaning down to your ear.

"Then maybe you'll learn how I feel about you... and you'll learn to enjoy it...."

[lookitsrocknrollxo3]

my oh my, you dirty little girl ᥫ᭡。

nikki sixx x female reader

requested ⟢ [Nikki walking in on reader masturbating? I feel like he'd go insane] i couldn't agree more anon, enjoy! ༝༚

word count: 1050

you were feeling so needy the last couple of days. nikki has been non stop teasing you, doing absolutely anything in his power to make you a squirming, desperate mess. only then to keep you on edge, ignoring your whorish demands. it was a game he was playing, a very dangerous one.

it started off small with random dirty messages, even while you both were in the same room. he had a cocky smirk plastered onto his face as he hit sent, watching your phone screen light up on the table. as you grabbed your phone, your eyes instantly widened, feeling that familiar warmth crash onto your core, crossing your legs to relieve some of the pressure.

𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦:

does your pussy miss my tongue babygirl? tell daddy how much of a deprived little girl you are.

𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦:

you're such a daddy's girl, i love it, come over here and suck my cock, nice and hard.

looking back at nikki, biting your bottom lip, trembling as you held back the moans that were building up inside of you. nikki laughed to himself as he watched you from across the room, never taking his eyes off of you. he brought his finger to his mouth, signaling to you to be quiet, as he pulled his attention back to the other people that were in the room.

ugh, what a fucking tease.

enough was enough. you couldn't handle his little game anymore. it was driving you mad. as the day progressed, you ended up making your way into the bedroom, sneaking in, trying not to be too obvious. nikki didn't have many rules for you, but the one he hated to see you break the most was you touching yourself. he found it almost insulting, but then again he loved seeing you acting like the dirty slut that you are for him.

in the matter of seconds, you spread your legs, almost bare as your body hugged the sheets. closing your eyes, the feeling was overwhelming you, your whole body was a tingling, sensitive bundle of nerves.

bringing your finger to your clit, you began to make soft circles, the built up causing this motion to have a far more aggressive effect on you. the room reeked with your moans, gasps and smell. overwhelmed with pleasure, your groans becoming louder and louder, ricocheting off the walls.

nikki on the other hand, overheard your moans from a few doors down the hallway. his body froze, as his expression held a mixture of emotions; lust, disappointment and need.

slowly, he walked across the wooden floors of his house, not wanting to interrupt your alone time. nikki stood close to the bedroom door, his grip on the door handle tightening, listening, his dominant nature overthrowing him.

in the midst of everything, the door was slammed open, roughly hitting the wall, the vibrations and sound taking you out of your trance. all you could do was stare at nikki, your hand still in the same position as before. your cheeks getting hot, embarrassment coursing through your body, you're in trouble, big time.

my oh my, what do we have here? you dirty little girl...

nikki's gaze darkened, as he tsked at you, shaking his head from side to side. crossing his arms, he couldn't believe what he walked into.

i-'im so sorry, i-i needed-

nikki cut you off mid sentence, his words coming out like venom,

you needed what hmm? you couldn't be patient and wait like a good girl, that's what i'm seeing here. no, please, continue, let daddy watch you.

even though his words came out in a harsh tone, he couldn't help the smile that was creeping up on his face. nikki chuckled as he knelt down on the bed, sitting right in front of you, getting the perfect shot of your dripping pussy.

don't make me repeat myself baby doll, i don't see you moving your hand. since you wanted to be such a bad girl for daddy, you might as well put on a show for me.

nodding your head, as you placed your finger, adding pressure back on your swollen clit. your head immediately falling on the pillow. nikki groaned to himself, watching every single movement, his cock growing as his pants began to stretch, his breath heavy.

mhm, fuck darling, your pussy is so needy. look at the mess you made.

all b-because of you daddy...

nikki's grip on the sheets tightened, the veins in his hand popping out. he moved his hand, inching closer and closer to your core. making a gentle swift motion, up and down your pussy lips. the softness of your skin causing chills up nikki's arms.

watching you become undone in the bed was making nikki lose his mind. so much so that drool leaked from his mouth, landing on the silky fabric. taking his hand, wiping the liquid off his face, his mouth salivating.

daddy needs his mouth on you, little one. be a good girl and let daddy taste you.

looking at nikki, your face dripping in sweat and ecstasy, you moved your hand to the side, preparing yourself.

your body was already sensitive, the last few days of nikki's teasing felt like years to you. growling to himself, he lowed his head, his lips placing kisses on your pussy before making his way, spitting on your clit.

mhmm, so so delicious honey, i fucking adore this pussy. it's mine, all mine, isn't that right darling? and you better not act like a brat right now, you better say "yes daddy it's all yours."

as you tried to utter the words out, you couldn't concentrate properly, feeling nikki's tongue and vibrations hitting all the right places.

ahhh my baby can't talk right now? daddy knows just where to touch his little plaything.

a moan escaped your lips, feeling that familiar heat come up to the surface. gasping for air, your legs began to shake. nikki devilishly laughing into your pussy.

ah ah ah, is my babygirl coming? daddy didn't give you permission, you're breaking so many rules today. what a disobedience little thing you are.

⤷ even though you were in desperate need before, no one, not even your own touch could compare to nikki, as he made that very clear to you that night.

────୨ৎ──── ❦︎

[a-chaotically-small-lunta]

*Breaks through window*

ALRIGHT so Sizeshifters right? We all know em we all love them! I mean who wouldn’t?!? They can be a giant or a tiny whenever you need them to be. BUT WAIT! What about the emotional ones? The ones whose shift based on their emotions? Yeah they’re classic too and we love them just as much. But what if there were other reasons that cause sizeshifters to shift?

Hear me out, a sizeshifter whose size fully depends on what they ate the other day. I don’t mean in the basic sense of if they ate a lot they big and if they ate a little they small, no no. I mean like some foods make them shrink and other foods make the grow. Like You just find them eating a whole bunch of nuts and they just go “nuts make me shrink and I’m trying to avoid going to work tomorrow cause I just don’t want to man” or they start chugging water cause “water it the only thing that balances my size to normal and if I’m not normal sized tomorrow I’m sooooo fucked” etc etc. They try to eat the things they have before cause they know how it effects them the next day, but everyday they are tempted to try that new restaurant but they really don’t want to roll the dice on their height the next day man.

Or what about a sizeshifter whose size is affected by weather? Sunny day? Oh nice normal height! Clouds start rolling in? Uh oh now they’re shrinking. Rain? They’re smaller! Thunderstorm?!? Whelp they’re hella small, and they’re hoping a tornado doesn’t form because that would be actually more terrifying than anything. Snow though? Oh look they get bigger? More snow?!? Even bigger! Full on blizzard?!? People start leaving their cold homes to hide in the now giant’s pockets cause they are way warmer and very spacious at this point. My dude probably has his heads in the clouds…literally!! People eventually just keep tabs on the shifter to see what the weather is like. Clouds forming ahead? Alright are they shrinking or growing cause then they’ll know if it’s rain or snow.

What about a sizeshifter whose size depends on the animal they last seen/interacted with. Yeah usually they’re human sized cause that’s the one they usually see but suddenly touching a dog? Boom now they the height of that dog. A spider decides to crawl onto their back? Boom! They got the same spider problem but now it’s way more serious. They go out to sea and get to touch a whale? Whelp looks like they’re swimming back to shore with a rope tethered to them just in case they bump into a smaller fish and they can’t fit on the boat at the moment.

We always go to emotion for sizeshifter who can’t control their ability and it’s a beautiful classic but just what if there were sizeshifter who had the same problem but just different reason? I think it’d be neat to have so many variations!

[wannabanauthor]

Don’t think about how Tommy thought that getting back together with Buck was a sure thing.

He bought champagne.

He was confident that they could try again and make things work.

And Buck fumbled it so badly after fucking him all night.

Tommy really thought that Buck wanted more after their night together. He was hopeful, and even subverted the trope of lying to pretend he wasn’t interested in getting back together (Lucy Chen and Tim Bradford, I’m look at y’all).

And then Buck broke his heart.

They’re in love with each other but keep fucking things up. I’m hoping all this drama leads to a confession of love.

Tommy is very much in love with Buck, and Buck feels the same way. If only they would be courageous and tell each other this, but nope, we gotta drag the drama around for a while.

But I’m still wondering what exactly they got up to that night because they were both glowing and happy. And Tommy let Buck sleep in too and even asked him about it. He cares so much 😭 Buck why did you fumble him?

You think he can’t find another muscle bound twink that fucks like an Olympian? Have you met Tommy?! He gives off butch lesbian energy. He has way more experience with men, so he can absolutely fall in love with someone else who isn’t scared to tell him how they feel.

I know I want them back together ASAP, but I also love for angst. You know how many times I watched their kitchen fight when Tommy shut down and left? At least 10 times. Feed me the angst, but also get them back together.

I even have an idea: Tommy goes out on a date, and Buck happens to come across them and is super awkward about it. Maybe Tommy doesn’t even notice he’s there.

But I can see Buck staring at them from a distance and sad that Tommy moved on. He wallows in pain and misery until someone tells Buck to talk to Tommy about his feelings and work things out.

Because Buck is incapable of realizing that Tommy has his own emotional needs that Buck doesn’t acknowledge.

Buck needs to suffer a little bit to understand just how thoroughly he fucked things up with Tommy.

After Buck implied that he had feelings for Eddie and not Tommy and that it was just sex with Tommy, Tommy has no reason to reach out to Buck ever again. He was told he wasn’t wanted, and he responded appropriately by leaving.

Buck really needs to put in the work to fix things.

And I’d love to see him spiral a bit, including watching Tommy being happy with another guy.

Imagine the epic fight if Buck ever confronted him about it.

“So you’re just moving on without even trying to work things out?” Buck could accuse Tommy of this.

And Tommy could say “You told me you have feelings for your best friend and that what we had was just great sex. Why wouldn’t I move on? What else could you possibly want from me? Why would I continue to try to fix things between us when you don’t even have feelings for me?”

“But I do have feelings for you!”

“And how would I know that? Hell, I don’t even believe that you do. I know I fucked things up when I broke up with you, but you, you were just so cruel that morning after we hooked up. Why would I want to fight for us when you won’t?” Tommy asks.

“I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.” Yeah, classic Buck not communicating.

“And instead of telling me that, you did nothing. You watched me leave then never contacted me again. Evan, I’m trying to get over you and move on with my life. You think you want me, but you don’t. Your silence these past few weeks told me everything I needed to know. There’s no fixing us anymore. It’s over,” Tommy says.

Buck starts tearing up, and Tommy with his own puffy red eyes walks away.

Months go by, and Buck works on himself. Goes to therapy and all that. Tommy is still on his mind after all this. Maybe one day he decides to browse Tommy’s social media to see what he’s up to but finds out he’s been blocked by Tommy on every app.

And this leads to more spiraling.

But the next time he runs into Tommy, he doesn’t hold his feelings back anymore. He tells Tommy that he’s wanted him since the first day they met. That his life felt complete and whole when they became official. Like Tommy was the person he had been looking for all his life. He’s so in love with him that it terrifies him because he’s never felt this way before with past partners.

And Tommy surprises him by saying he’s still in love with Buck/Evan, but he doesn’t want to get hurt again.

They’re not sure how to go about this anymore with so much past hurt between them, so they seek out couple’s counseling to see if they can work through it. And they do.

[jelloapocalypse]

Holy moly that was a good video!

Sorry for the long ask. I am very excited!

The List itself was so well done and cutting right before jubun wo got a good laugh out of me. So many emotions all at once and the way it was put together got me genuinely emotional enough to cry.

Number one was such a great pick too. A masterpiece. A gesamkunstwerk, even! Just like the list itself! I feel as though with this list, far more than most, I've really gotten a glimpse into your genuine sense of taste and not just a parroted repeating of what people think is popular. Even (especially) though I definitely disagreed with parts.

I have two questions, though:

1) At the very beginning, it mentions submissions for this project. Was there a submissions form somwhere that i just completly missed somehow? Or does "submissions" here just mean "the anime needed to have aired prior to this date"?

²) The whole time watching, i was wondering where any monogatari series opening would place because i was 100% confident at least one would on account of many of them being among Shaft's best works. But then seeing the final number one pick made me almost certain Renai Circulation and Mousou Express should have gotten the same treatment AND that you probably would have liked them had you been aware of them, so:

2) are you simply somehow unaware of the monogatari series, or was there something about those openings that just didnt have the jennies?

Obsessed with your numbering system here that has "square" between 1 and 2, lmao

1) "Submissions" in general just means we were done accepting new entries for consideration as of February, but we did ask literally everyone we knew for suggestions. I also did some informal asks on Patreon, Twitter, etc.

2) I would hope it's obvious we do know the Monogatari series considering it shows up in the video several times! I used clips from Hanamonogatari and Owarimonogatari. The latter was even the title card for the "Theming" overview.

This is the best Monogatari OP, by the way. I would not mind popping this one onto the 90s to replace one of the lower entrants. But almost nobody talks about this one!

Shaft is great at picking a weird, fun, artsy thing to put in almost every opening they do, but a lot of them are kind of a one-trick pony if you zoom out from that.

Staple Staple, for instance, has a strong color palette and the clicking staple trails is such a fun visual. And then you watch it and realize... Oh. This is like 90 seconds of the exact same idea with almost no iteration on it. It really is just CG staple trails over black and white footage. That's such a shame.

We didn't talk about this in depth, the biggest thing that eliminated OPs from consideration (other than credits) was the "Should this be 90 seconds long" factor. So, so many openings have enough ideas to make a great 30 second opening, but not a good 90 second one. Steins;Gate and Blue Exorcist are great examples of that. Nichijou too.

Meanwhile a lot of other famous Monogatari OPs like Renai Circulation are like... just a good song. Can you watch this muted and tell me it ticks any boxes besides "nice colors" and "this girl wants to fuck her brother"?

I'm comfy with our Shaft representatives on the list being Pretty Boy Detective Club, Maria + Holic, and Yet the Town Moves. I think all of those are holistically better than all the Monogataris, which we watched twice in desperate hope of putting one on there.

[bertoltblecht]

On Call - Three

Characters - Michael "Robby" Robinavitch x OFC , Michael "Robby" Robinavitch, Frank Langdon, Dana Evans, Jack Abbot

Summary - Rose Reilly is a surgical resident specializing in trauma medicine under Drs Robinavitch and Abbot. A series of scenes involving Robby and Rose.

Word count: 1912

Rated: Mature

Tags: Angst, Mutual Trauma, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Tension, Very Light Suicidal Ideation, Sex, Mutual Pining

A/N: Here's part three! I'm really partial to this one and the next one! Let me know what you think!

When the majority of your social contact is at work, your coworkers really matter - because in order to have a work-life balance, you have to have a life outside work. 

Rose didn’t really have that.

She was the first to volunteer to pick up shifts and the last to leave if the place was understaffed. More than once she’d just parked herself in an on-call room for the 8 or so hours she didn’t need to actually be there. 

Her near constant presence in the ER meant that she knew everyone regardless of shift and she tried to make meaningful connections with anyone who wanted to talk to, or, as was often the case, at her. Rose was a fantastic listener and being there gave her a sense of purpose that vanished as soon as she changed out of her scrubs. 

There was one other near constant in the Pitt and that, of course, was Dr. Robby. They had been good since their slip up in the hospital, kept their hands to themselves and their debates professional. No romance was happening at all. At least, nothing that was intended to be romantic. 

That was the problem though, wasn’t it? Even before they’d muddied the waters at that bar across town, Dr. Robby had made her feel understood in a way that only felt intimate because hardly anyone had ever bothered. He out-mirrored her – in a battle for who could shape-shift faster into someone the other person needed most, he’d been the first to ever best her. 

Rose found value in her utility. She was a future surgeon for fuck’s sake. She’d put herself through all the school and debt and work because saving lives was an objectively valuable skill. It had been an easy and concrete motivator for much of her life. And not just for her career. If she was useful to the people she cared about, they would care about her in return. The noisy, messy parts of her mind often pressed the inverse of that logic when she wondered about people’s motivations for getting to know her. 

What exactly was her utility to Dr. Robby beyond her competence at work? If he was only making sure she didn’t jump off the roof, he could just keep an eye on the stairwell door. He didn’t need to do such a good job pretending they’d never been anything more than an attending and resident. It almost would have been better if he had decided to treat her differently. If he had suddenly foisted her education off on Abbot, who was more than capable, or if he’d stopped showing her the small kindnesses he had made part of his own acts of utility. Rose had a hard time filing away the feelings that his gestures stirred in her, couldn’t stop herself from associating them with the myriad other acts that she’d let herself get used to. 

Rose had the Bering Sea raging inside of her and she left it just outside the doors of the ambulance bay. Sometimes leaving work she could get swept away in the waves and end up on the bench outside for a while. Her legs felt heavy and the list of necessary actions separating sitting on the bench from lying in her bed seemed daunting and endless.

It was cold and damp - not freezing but the sticky kind of cold that made her fingers and toes ache. The fresh air was doing good work on her nervous system though, so she wanted to steal another few moments before getting in her car. And anyway the sun was going to rise soon and seeing a sliver of that before going back inside would be good for her too. 

Shift change had happened over an hour earlier and Rose had taken some extra time to finish charting her last procedure of the day, preferring to let people get their things and leave the locker room before her. 

She felt her stomach pulse insistently and realized she was insanely hungry. It had been hours since she bothered to put anything in the tank. The last two hours of the shift had actually been the 16th and 17th hours of Rose’s day. She came in early to scrub in on a surgery and then made her way to the trauma center to start her actual day. By the time 5 am rolled around and she parked herself on that bench, she was completely dead on her feet.

If she sat there another 60 minutes, she could stop and get a breakfast sandwich from the coffee place on the corner by the hospital and check that off her list. It was getting colder though and she wanted a hot shower more than anything.

“Lose your car?” Robby's mild voice came from over her shoulder as her internal debate continued. She hadn’t seen him around when she left and she wondered if he’d already skedaddled. 

Rose huffed a laugh. “You know I just smash the lock button until it beeps and I find it.” She didn’t turn or elaborate further. He had found her out here before. Sometimes it took a little while to take the day off before she left, so she didn’t bring the icy sea back home with her. 

“It’s cold.” His voice was beside her then as he sunk onto the bench. It meant nothing to her at all that his backpack was placed between them. “No one else to help out here.” It was a good try, but ultimately that wasn’t why she was glued here. 

“You give yourself too little credit, there’s tons of help we could both use.” Rose didn’t mean for there to be so much bite to the sarcasm, but her tone came out less light than she meant it too. Out of the corner of her eye she could tell he was frowning, his brow furrowed. “I just really want a sandwich and Terry doesn’t open for another 40 minutes and he’s not going to get around to making me a bacon egg and cheese for at least another hour.” 

“There are a lot of ways to come by a sandwich, ya know?” Robby pressed, his elbows meeting his knees as he hunched to try to catch her eye. 

Rose held in a sigh. She didn’t have the energy to explain, but more than that she knew he knew he was deliberately missing the point. 

“I like to support a small business,” she said, turning her head to let him look at her. She was determined not to cave to those almost pleading brown eyes of his, pairing her steely expression with as effortless a shoulder shrug as she could manage. He looked skeptical and tired. What did he want from her? He’d stopped here of his own free will. She didn’t ask him to witness this. 

Rose felt a twisting frustration thinking that he’d never seemed exasperated by her before. As soon her mind placed that framework around his imploring look, she had to drop his gaze. He didn’t have to sit on this bench and if he wasn’t going to meet her where she was then…

“You should go home.” The words left her quietly. “I’m gonna be here for a minute and we’ve both had a long day.” 

“You should go home.” Robby sighed, shaking his head. “Just go home and shower and order a bacon egg and cheese and go to bed. Let the day be over.” His tone had none of the lightness he usually reserved for pep talks of the mental health variety. She witnessed him talk multiple wavering med students back into being doctors, but his patience for this tendency of Rose’s had apparently run out. 

It felt like lidocaine being injected into her chest, watching him react that way. The burning discomfort of the sensation was almost enough to compel her to action, but she couldn’t untangle the mental knot of who exactly she’d be spiting by staying or going. She pictured the finger on a monkey’s paw curling when she remembered her earlier musing about feeling better if he’d just treat her differently. Not exactly what she had in mind really. 

The burning sensation faded though, leaving an almost pleasant numbness in its wake. 

“Look, I’m not a liability. I am fine. I will be at work again in… 12 hours, give or take. You don’t have to get it, but you do have to respect me and if you aren’t going to do that, then… go.” Rose sounded as tired as she felt as she gestured out to the parking lot. 

Robby’s posture stiffened a little. If his thoughts were a radio station, she was certain she’d hear him counting backward from ten. 

“I’m just trying to help.” 

All the annoyance from a minute ago seemed to have faded from his tone, replaced by something worse - guilt, desperation. Like this was somehow his doing. It was not his best trait, his desire to fall on the sword - to wear the burden of responsibility even when there was no fault to be placed. 

“I know, but now you’re in it to feel better about you, so it isn’t going to work for me.” She knew she was being too honest now, but she cut him off as he opened his mouth to refute her. “You didn’t break me, Michael. This is just me. I’m just going to be here until this passes and it didn’t used to make you mad at me.” 

Robby clenched his jaw as he sat with her observation. It made him feel worse that she was right. He blamed himself for her pain, assuming that he was at least a contributing factor. He set about trying to navigate the new boundaries by pretending nothing had changed. He centered himself and his guilt when it came to making sure she was okay, because if she was visibly doing well that meant he hadn’t hurt her. He wanted her to leave the bench because he didn’t want to be the reason she was there. 

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” The sighed admission surprised Rose enough to look at him again. “I’m not mad at you. I just used to be able to help, I thought.” Robby shrugged and looked down at his hands. 

Rose wished she had the energy to pretend she was fine. He couldn’t help his impulse toward guilt anymore than she could help hers toward despair. “You did and I’m sure you will again, but today... I’m waiting for the sandwich. Not for you.” 

His shoulders sank slightly but Robby nodded, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck. “Okay, I understand.” He didn’t. “I guess I’ll see you later then.” 

“You will.” Rose made sure to confirm in the most assuring voice she could muster. It was the least she could do, he genuinely didn’t need to worry. 

Robby stood and picked up his backpack from between them, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder for a moment so short she wasn’t sure it had happened. She offered him a faint smile as she looked up and he nodded again before heading out into the parking lot. 

The sunlight coming over the horizon didn’t feel warm yet but Rose knew it would in a little while. It’d be worth the wait to tip her head up into it while she ate that sandwich. It would be good enough.

previous/next

[birdofcauthon14]

It is entirely too fucking late for me to be up and about and Pittposting, but hell with it, here's another.

I think, so far, the point of Santos' character arc has been compassion. At the start of the day, she managed to offend or upset almost everyone she met by saying the wrong thing, communicating the wrong way, or coming across as unsympathetic toward others' feelings - and, to a degree, this included offending the audience. But then, not long after we got that very stark revelation that she's not exactly had a great life, Santos ran into the moral conflict of staying in her lane and covering up her colleague's thieving of meds vs. once again going over the heads of her immediate superiors to report the problem and very probably at least partially ruining said colleague's life as a result.

She did the right thing. She reported the thefts, got Langdon dismissed, and immediately regretted it, despite the fact that she and Langdon kinda really tbh hated each other for being basically two spinoffs of the same personality type. As she so often is, Santos kinda sucked at expressing her misgivings, but they were there, and they had an immediate effect, because she has actually, properly been trying to empathize with people since: comforting Jake during probably the worst moment of his life, being a lot gentler than usual with the extremely traumatized patient in the hall, cracking admittedly crappy jokes to lower the tension, etc. Being that this is Trinity Santos, she's still awkward as fuck about it, but being put in the position of curbstomping the career of a man she hated and then feeling real shitty about it afterward broke through to her.

Now, I think that, narratively and in terms of development, she still would benefit from the lesson of not just impulsively doing the first cool and risky treatment that comes to her mind when it comes to complex cases, and seeing her usual strategy backfire and have a major emotional impact on her would be a great instance of humanization (and plus, like, she's one of my four faves, and I live to put my faves in emotional turmoil). So I hope we get that in these last two episodes, and I hope Langdon is involved somehow, because they're owed finally understanding where the other was coming from.

But in the meantime, I cling to, as a token of character development, "Stay strong, Crash."

[jess-needs-a-fvcking-break]

TW: vent about parents fighting and shit (also emotional neglect??? Idk if it was)

I genuinely don’t know if my mom and dad actually like each other. Every day when my dad gets home him and my mom start fighting about something stupid. Every time my mom calls my dad he yells at her to hang up. I think there are like ten times each year total they seem to enjoy each other’s company.

My dad yells at my mom for venting about her struggles. (Which is even worse because my grandma is coming close to death, she most likely won’t be living next year). And whenever I do something my dad doesn’t like he always says “your just like your mother” and he makes it out to be the worse thing i can do

But in no way is my mom innocent. She’s a self pitying bitch. She spins everything to make herself the victim.

And for all of my childhood I couldn’t go to them for anything. They didn’t comfort me, they didn’t care about my mental development. They only gave me food, water and a house. Because according to them that’s all they needed to do. I was supposed figure everything else out. And that lead to be really attached to my pets. As a kid i basically relied on my dogs and guinea pigs for any comfort.

I don’t think I’ve realized how much I did until the one dog I was attached to passed away. Her name was Heidi and she was the best. I’d always watch tv with her. Her legs were broken as a puppy so she couldn’t play that much with me but she’d always watch whatever shit I was doing as a kid lol. I loved (and still do) that dog

And whenever my dad gets really mad (like basically red) my current dog, Hilda, always gets in the way between me and my dad. I remember the last time he got the mad she basically refused to let him near me.

If I’m being honest I still do kinda relied on my pets for comfort. My mom just looks at me weird if I bring up mental health and I can’t talk to my dad about it.  

I guess I’m just the result of two terrible people meeting each. I wish I didn’t have to suffer because they can’t get past themselves. I really do wish I wasn’t their child. I wish I had good parents that actually loved each other and cared to help me with my mental health.

Sorry if that was a little confusing lol probably like 76946473992 spelling mistakes lol

So yeah I have mommy and daddy issues 😔

Anyway very emo rant 💔🖤/j so here’s my fuck ass dog (Hilda)

(Fun fact if you look closely at the door in the first pic you can see where my dad punched a whole in it 🤩)

(The black dog is Hilda and other one is Heidi)

[froginthebag]

my very unfinished notes i wrote angrily after mw3 came out and i ran it

i might as well toss these here. sorry for 900 million spelling mistakes. might post my gaz headcanons ?? someday i love him dearly actually

open missions

Feel long and awkward with minimal dialogue, like a match in the dmz but more annoying especially if you’re trying to find all of the items. it gets quiet unless you’re in a fight.

not utilizing the dialogue system from alone and recon by fire. both missions were long but had the same sort of feeling, especially alone with the scanvenging. especially a big problem in highrise where price and gaz say NOTHING unless you go up or down a floor. it feels weird especially after recon by fire. should and could have been used for character building or smth fun.

too many of these in general. gora dam + precious cargo are REALLY good for open combat. highrise is fun and i love the level design, but gaz not having an ascender is WEIRD.

soap’s death

Feels off as a plot beat. I understand he died in the original mw3 but having him die in mwIII reads as just a shock effect of a game scripted too fast.

Price should have died instead, more below

the dialogue and reaction compared to the original mw3 and soap’s death is lackluster. minimal. it’s not emotional, it’s BORING. Price is screaming in mw3, where is that from him? where is that from ghost? where is that from gaz? Give me a cutscene after the bomb defusal of price scrambling up to soap with ghost sitting there looking away and gaz rushing the bomb in the background because look ok i have headcanons that would make this more understandable bear with me. give me them discussing where to send him. give me the ash scene where simon motherfucking riley can’t look at the ash because he got to know this bastard too well.

also talk about character assassination. the only reason ghost is loved and has character is because he played off of soap. now he’s gonna become that stony bastard in the background saying they should missile strike this and that. fuuuck.

Price and why he should die

survived original mw series as the only ’main’ person who didn’t die. less predictable.

has had a fakeout death in EVERY reboot game he has been in. his original introduction was a fakeout death (and recon by fire start is also one). him not waking up/realising it’s not a fakeout would have been a much more efficient and interesting plot point. Rule of three.

him dying is a chance to explore a lot more of Gaz as they’ve technically known the longest (by how much we’ve seen them together in games) + i want gaz to grieve and to be forced into a leader role because Ghost is too freaky to be captain and soap is too young while Gaz’s introduction was already showing him as a good (N)CO. Also like is this not a natural progression if he’s so calm/ idk how to put it? diplomatic? in mw3?? 

his whole ’cutting the head off a snake’ thing. he’s getting his head cut off. what with the whole royalty thing makarov talks about (french royalty and beheadings)

more frusturating in-universe. he’s dead and the team is FUCKED because they just lost their lead. and makarov isn’t behind bars. bigger blow, bigger panic -> wonderful set-up for the fourth game.

I want either Gaz or Soap killing shepherd. Ghost would be too stereotypical lmao. Specifically Soap would be neat- he’d spiral into revenge for sure and he’s already got good reason to hate shepherd for the whole mess in mw2 AND false intel for price AND he had the whole thing about shooting shepherd earlier. on the other hand, Gaz specifically bargained for shepherd and had remained the calm here, so i think it’d be cool to see him fuck around. if he must have his changes then god give me ”WE HAD ACTIONABLE INTEL ON THIS” gaz back. also like ’taking command’ is getting your hands dirty and i feel like killing shepherd would be a LOVELY start if you ignore the butcher scene in 2019.

Gaz 

i feel like his character changed. 

he curses when the dad dies in embassy, he’s shocked when price tosses the guy with the bomb off the balcony. HE STILL TRIES HELPING EVEN IF THERES NO TIME. He gives Farah coffee after embassy. He’s KIND. HE CARES. SO WHY IS HE SO DISTANTLY BALANCED? This guy has righteous fury, where the FUCK is it? 

he’s literally concerned about random people at a checkpoint (shock n awe cutscene! the cop car one!). he’s literally asking what if they don’t move- he doesn’t like the idea of hostages, he’s concerned where they stop. he’s concerned about innocents. it’s development that he’s willing to go further but why is he so ready to forgive and forget when he wasn’t before??

i feel like the fact he can refuse to help Price interrogate the informant on mission is important. Price gives him an out to stay clean. i do not remember which is canon. i just. like that he has the choice yk.

he’s level-headed, but his introduction shows him LITERALLY joking / being sarcastic with his commander. “can’t truly alarm the public”, “terrorists know that too sir?” He comments that someone’s an easy shot in old comrades. He’s prickly when Norris declares Farah’s army hostiles. He jokes when he’s angry and frustrated. He literally pushes back when that happens, why didn’t he push back with SHEPHERD? HE GETS PHYSICALLY AGGRESSIVE OVER JUST THE BUTCHER, WHERE DID THAT RAGE GO??

he’s BITTER. he starts bitter. He’s pissed at the piccadilly attack because there wasn’t proper support or authorisation. He’s PISSED. He curses when he talks to price. he wants to fight, he’s FRUSTRATED. Where did all of that go? Why is he so unnaturally level-headed, why isn’t he frustrated? Why isn’t he pissed at shepherd for the civilians in alone when he cared so much in piccadilly and the embassy? Is he just repressed or did they change him?

Why isn’t there more talk with him and price? he’s clearly the only one slated to be captain or a higher rank. let him and price exchange looks more. let them talk more. let price either talk to him like a friend or like a mentor. ?? link back to my highrise complaints ok i really like the way they play off eachother in 2019 and in 2022. wish they’d kept that up

thaaats everything i wrote i swear i had more thoughts way back then. i liked laswells mission tho. cheers. also i swear i had thoughts about the plane stuff ?? uhhh something something why don’t we get anymore actual choices in these games

[geddy-leesbian]

and perhaps I should not be trying to promote a fic I haven't updated in 6+ months but... the primary reason I haven't updated it is just the drop in engagement and the fact it's the highest effort thing I've ever written. First few chapters got comments, enough that I was feeling encouraged. But they dropped off. Even when I was posting a chapter I wholeheartedly believed was better than any of the previous chapters, 10k word fucking illustrated chapter, it doesn't get anything close to the reception the previous chapters got. So yeah I lost a lot of motivation. Yes, I write for myself and enjoy it, but this particular fic is my most challenging to work on. It's brain intensive. I have plot threads and mysteries I have to keep track of. I have to keep track of what characters do and don't know at any given moment constantly. (eg "does Leon know X about Luis's past at this point? no, he doesn't yet, I need to remember to come up with a way for him to learn that and include it.") It's a whole lot more complicated and harder than anything else I write.

Of course I get sad when anything I write doesn't get comments, but for that fic I found it especially discouraging. I mean it just makes me question what I'm even doing I guess? Why bother writing a difficult fic with very long chapters, mysteries, a shit load of screenshots/edits/illustrations when shorter, lower effort stuff is going to get me more validation? So I sort of went from seeing that fic as my baby, my magnum opus, to just forgetting it exists most of the time and choosing to care about other things more to get myself out of the cycle of hoping maybe this chapter will finally be the one that gets recognition! every time I update, only to feel disappointed. Just detaching from it and not caring anymore felt like the best option.

I'm really not trying to make this into a whiny vent post. I'm just trying to establish that I am very much a vending machine that will spit out fic if you insert emotional validation. I still have the whole overall plot of Any Killer mapped out, I have a good chunk of the next chapter written, as well as a handful of scenes that will happen a lot later. If more people start caring and want to see an update, I'll get back on that horse. It's just very difficult for me to feel motivated enough to do so right now.

Again, i have a tendency of making stupid whiny vent posts about my fics going underappreciated, that's not what I'm doing right now. I actually feel pretty good and secure right now and recognize my fics are generally appreciated. (And like I said, the earlier chapters of this one were also appreciated.) I'm just trying to establish that this fic in particular was extremely high effort and that's why there's a high bar to get me updating again. Even if, say, my rockstar Luis AU stuff had a sudden drop in engagement, I'd keep updating because it's not that difficult for me. But for something as challenging as this fic in particular, I need to know that there's more than a couple people that care before I'm willing to put my blood, sweat and tears into updating it again. I'm not going to feel bitter or even disappointed if this post doesn't result in the fic getting any new comments because I've just checked out emotionally and no longer expect anyone will get emotionally invested in it and wonder where it's going. But if it does get any, then I might start caring again, a little bit.

🔍

[daisyjonesgf]

muse makes playlists when she needs inspiration (billy hates this because it's "basically plagiarizing" or some shit)

billy, i fear, makes pinterest boards with no names, so nothing gets leaked, he just uses 🌀🌀 or <<💘💫 >>or <<🔆>> or <<☢️>> you get the gist) with very specific coded meanings

eddie journals, like, using clippings, then jotting random shit down, doodling, etc. because he's messy like that,

eddie definitely had muse write down in bold letters : TOP SECRET!!! on the front ("your handwriting's better, sunshine") , just because it'd be her handwriting and billy would get curious and he'd have the opportunity to slam it shut on his hand and say "it says top secret for a reason, dunne"

billy asks muse what's written inside and she shrugs and says "i dunno" because she really doesn't

he doesn't believe her, gets all pissy, yells, says shit he doesn't mean, and eddie gets an unexpected bonus : muse comes to him

🔹🔹🔹🔹

muse literally has a playlist for everything, every mood, a playlist for when her and billy are happy, when they're fighting, when they're off, when she's with eddie, when she's in the car, at the beach, shopping, and loves to sit down and soak it all in, listen to other artists when she wants to write to think about what she should be channeling

billy just shuffles his liked songs 😭

billy has a secret wedding board confirmed, listen he would never admit it or let anyone see it but he does, wedding, family, date ideas, aesthetic pictures people have taken of her or them, they're his emotional support pinterest boards fr and muse once finds pinterest on his phone and is like, "what are you doing on pinterest?" but he grabs his phone and won't let her see lmao. (muse also has a wedding board that she looks at and cries as well as a motherhood board.)

eddie has a scrapbooking journal that's lowkey giving stalker because he cuts out magazine and newspaper clippings of her (cutting out billy's face ofc) and prints things out, it's like his manifesting her journal (he also has a dream board hidden in his closet) and yeah he has muse write on the front of the binder containing the journal and cuttouts, so she writes 'top secret' + a little sunshine

and I think muse has really distinctive handwriting and it's not like super good either, like a cursive mix to her letters that can be difficult to read, so billy can easily tell it's her handwriting

eddie is so excited when billy notices and he gets to close it on him and grab it away bc eddie is chaos causing demon fr

"I don't know billy, he just asked me to write it, said my handwriting was better."

"That's ridiculous, yours is basically illegible."

"It's not!"

"You're fucking sneaking around with right now, aren't you? That's what this is about, you wanna complain about me seeing other girls when we're together but you're still fucking him even if we're supposedly having a great time!"

"That's not true! Why would I hide something from you?"

"I don't know, maybe because you're so desperate to be wanted that here you are, gotta fuck the whole band, what, is Warren next?"

"Fuck you!"

And she goes crying to Eddie about how Billy is being without realizing these were seeds Eddie had been planting all along.