#seeing them cry in the video broke my heart all over again

[nadvs]

　 —⊹　♡　︵　∘　 pretty lies ⟢

pairing rafe cameron x female reader

rating explicit 18+

summary you thought you could manage meaninglessly hooking up with your ex-boyfriend. you were sure that if you lied to yourself enough that you’re not still in love with him, you’d eventually believe it. it takes one bad night to see that you’re both still very much attached.

on loop “breakup tutorial” by laraw

content warnings toxic relationship, alcohol, smut

continuation of this blurb, inspired by this ask! started as a blurb but got very long! not necessary to read the previous works. takes place between s2-3. div credit.

You sit on your bed, the lump in your throat refusing to go away. You’ve been on the verge of crying since your friends left almost half an hour ago.

It was so embarrassing. You were hanging out downstairs, showing them something on your phone. That’s when Rafe texted you, the notification clear for everyone to see.

“Who’s Don’t Text?” one of your friends asked, confused by the contact name.

You locked your screen, meeting their cautious stares, sure they already knew.

Who else would you have saved as Don’t Text other than your toxic ex-boyfriend? It wouldn’t have been so damning if he hadn’t sent ok see you tonight.

So, you admitted it. That you’ve been hooking up with Rafe for the past few weeks, ever since the night of your friend’s birthday when you drunkenly texted him to ask for a ride home.

You knew what they were thinking. That you’re an idiot for inviting the man who you always cried over back into your life, the man who you repeatedly told your friends is an asshole, the man they watched tear your heart out when you tried to make your relationship healthier, just to be told by him that no, it wasn’t going to happen, he wasn’t going to try to get better for you.

While you thought it’d be a relief to have the secret off your chest, it wasn’t. The tension in the room was heavy, your friends piecing together that this is why you didn’t want them to sleep over on the one night you have the house to yourself. It’s because Rafe is coming over after they leave.

As you lean against your pillow, you read through your emotionless conversation with him, a noncommittal string of plans to hook up. Earlier this evening, you had texted my place later? He replied with time? You said around 1. He responded with ok see you tonight.

Your confession made your friends look at you with worry and contempt, asking “are you sure it’s a good idea?” when you told them it’s just sex and that he’s saved as Don’t Text because one day, you really are planning on not texting.

But they weren’t convinced. They said you’ll just undo your healing and wind up hurt all over again. And you’re angry because they’re right.

You brushed past the subject, saying that you’re unattached. It’s a lie.

Every time you see Rafe, you feel shameful relief. He’s a drug that gets better and harder to stop with every hit. Admittedly, you couldn’t wait for your friends to leave so you could sink into mindless pleasure with your ex.

He’s on his way now.

You scroll up to the top of the conversation with him. The oldest message is from when you asked him for a ride a few weeks ago. You had deleted everything, every piece of evidence of your relationship, when you first broke up so that you wouldn’t go back and reminisce.

But you still have a hidden folder in your phone. Of photos and videos and screenshots. And because you must love to torture yourself, you open it.

Photos of memories that you used to cherish and now wish you could forget flood your screen. You open your favorite photo of you and Rafe.

It’s a captured moment of you two on a couch at a house party, unknowingly being photographed as you laugh together, your head thrown back, Rafe gazing at you with a dimpled smile and unconstrained love.

Ironically, the friend who was telling you earlier tonight that he did nothing but make you cry is the one who took the photo.

You continue to scroll through the folder, stopping at a screenshot of a text he sent you. You remember reading it for the first time so clearly.

You’d been together a little over three months. You’d gone to the beach and settled on the sand by a hidden cove. Rafe brought a blanket and your favorite drink and you sat together and talked as the half-moon shone down over the water.

You had innocently asked if he had eaten yet and he opened up to you about how you’re the only person in his life who really cares about him. Nobody else worries if he ate or if he slept or if he’s been drinking too much. You hugged him and kissed him and stroked his hair, whispering promises of how amazing he was.

Your eyes travel over the text he’d sent you the morning after. I can’t believe you’re real.

Those sweet moments were dirtied when your relationship slowly descended into a twisted, toxic mess. Rafe became jealous and controlling and you became combative and unforgiving, both of you poisoning each other the longer you were together.

It’s day and night when you compare how your texts used to be to how they are now. Whether you were on good terms or arguing, at least when you were together, your messages had passion behind them. Now, every text is cold and clinical, making plans to fuck and nothing else.

Your phone buzzes. He’s here.

As you pace down the stairs towards the front door, you regret the way you dressed. After your friends left, you showered and slipped into your sexiest bra and panties and draped a silk robe over your shoulders.

It’s something you’d do when you were together, dressing up in something you know he’d love. But now, it feels silly, going the extra mile for a man who didn’t consider you worth fighting for.

Rafe waits for the door to open. It’s all he fucking does these days. Wait. Wait to get better, wait to be over you, wait to see you texted him and just ignore it instead of feeling his heart come together and break apart.

You keep the lights off, but when you swing open the door, he can see your figure in the muted dark. Your robe is barely held open by the knot over your waist. The sight of your cleavage sends hot electricity through him.

“Hey,” you say impassively, stepping away so he can come inside. You see that he cut his hair. It’s not hanging over his forehead anymore. He buzzed it and he looks so damn handsome that your heart skips a beat.

He grimaces when he notices your expression. This is why he’s been avoiding meeting your eyes lately. Because of that blank way you look at him, unaffected by his presence, only interested in sex, detached when you used to hold onto him like you’d die without him.

Rafe purses his lips, trying to act like seeing you doesn’t make his blood run hot, like one second of looking at you doesn’t make him hard. You’ve been broken up for nearly two months now, so he doesn’t understand why he has the impulse to compliment you on how pretty you dressed for him.

“How long are you alone?” he asks. He doesn’t want to deal with being seen by your parents. You’ve already told him how much your family and friends don’t approve of him. He can do without the reminder of how much he doesn’t fit in your life anymore.

“All night,” you say. “They’re not back until tomorrow.”

He follows you up the stairs, eyes trailing up your bare legs, already wanting to rip that robe off of you.

He hasn’t been in your bedroom in ages. He didn’t expect it to be so hard to be in here again when he owns the title of ex-boyfriend.

You pull him in immediately. You can’t deal with your thoughts anymore. You just want to drown in pleasure with someone who knows your body better than you know it yourself.

Rafe tastes like cinnamon with a hint of whisky, and you’re mad that he’s been drinking, but you think you forfeited the right to be mad at him for his choices when you ended things.

His tongue is warm against yours as you pull him down onto your bed. You sink into the mattress and he hovers over you. His hand roughly drags up your thigh, squeezing your ass, his cock already hard against you.

You hate how much you love the effect you have on him. Why does it make you so proud that you can get him so hard, that you can text him to come over and he does, savoring you like you’re forbidden fruit he’s been starving for?

Rafe’s kisses are ravenous, teeth nipping at your lips, kneading your ass, groaning against your mouth.

You spread your legs so that he’ll touch you and he knows what you want, because at this point, he reads your body like a book. He presses his fingers against your core, rubbing over your panties.

“Couldn’t wait for me, yeah?” he mumbles against your mouth.

Your brows pinch in sadness. Ever since you became exes with benefits, you play this game, dirty-talking taunts, fighting for power, as if one of you can win if you prove that the other needs this more.

But you don’t have it in you tonight. Not after the way your friends looked at you. Not after going through that stupid folder. Your heart weighs a thousand pounds.

“Just…” you breathe.

“Just what?”

He pulls your panties to the side, the warm pads of his fingers making direct contact, and you slightly buck your hips, a whine spilling from your mouth.

“Just what?” he demands, tracing up and down.

“Just make me feel good.”

It’s a plea much deeper than it sounds. You don’t just want the sexual gratification. You want to feel how you did before. Happy with him. Happy with who you are when he’s around.

Rafe’s lips press against your neck, taking on the challenge. He hasn’t gone down on you since the first time you fucked after your break-up, when you roughly pushed him down and sat on his face, using him, treating his body with so much anger.

He tells himself he hasn’t eaten you out since because it’s too loving of a gesture for two people who are just hate-fucking. But it’s not the truth. He doesn’t do it because he falls in love with you even more every time he tastes you.

He can’t bear to need you any more than he already does. You broke him in every sense of the word. You proved to him that he’s unloveable.

“Rafe, please,” you whisper, arching your back.

“What?” he rasps. “What do you want? Just fucking say it.”

You stay silent as he leaves open-mouthed kisses over your neck. He’s frustrated that you’re not answering.

“You want me to go down on you?” he says impatiently.

“Yes,” you whisper. He catches the shakiness in your tone. You don’t sound like who you’ve been since you started hooking up. You sound gentle and adoring like who you used to be with him. You sound like the woman you’re not anymore.

He ignores it, not giving in to ask what the hell is going on with you, not when he knows you’ll brush him off. He pushes your robe off your body, the silk slipping over your skin quickly, and shifts lower to put his head between your legs.

You moan when he kisses you over your panties. Your hands lace in his hair, but you don’t feel the locks you used to feel. Instead, you run your nails over the soft buzzcut, wondering when and why he cut his hair, knowing you won’t ask because you don’t make much conversation with him anymore.

He’s rough when he pulls your panties down, rushing to spread your lips apart and taste you as soon as he can. The heat of his open mouth against you makes you quiver in bliss.

Rafe’s head is swimming. You’re so soft and hot and wet against his mouth, sweet just like he remembered. He groans against you, starting to lap at every dip, your folds slick and delicate.

Your hand runs over his hair as you writhe beneath him, feeling his mouth working you, listening to the sounds of him licking and sucking.

He’s an addict relapsing and he wants to overdose, to replicate how this was when you lived in the promise of a relationship together, even though he knows it’ll kill him.

“Talk how you used to,” he murmurs.

“What?” you ask.

“Do it.” His voice is hoarse as he grips your thigh. He’s fucking mortified to be asking to be spoken to and praised the way he used to when he’d please you like this. But he needs it.

You look down to see Rafe’s head between your thighs, expecting clarity, but getting nothing else. He keeps his eyes off of you, licking you slowly.

“How I used to?” you whisper.

He shifts to run the tip of his tongue over your aching clit, pushing hot pleasure through you. You’ll do anything he wants if he makes you feel like this.

“I can,” you stammer breathily, willing yourself to fall into the old habit. He locks his lips around your clit and you shudder. “Shit. That’s good.”

“Yeah?” he pulls back to groan.

“So fucking good,” you say. “You know exactly what to do.”

Euphoria floods every one of Rafe’s senses and he lets himself believe, for just this moment, that you meant all the good things you said to him and none of the bad.

He sucks your most sensitive spot slowly, warm breaths pooling over you every time he pulls back.

“Just like that,” you whisper. “That’s perfect.”

Your words spur him on, his tongue flat against you, his lips and chin wet and sticky. He’s obsessed with the way you’re talking and breathing and moaning. He loves the sounds you make when you’re so deep in ecstasy that he’s giving you.

Your words are in your throat. You used to tell him you loved him whenever he did this to you, but you can’t and it’s a jarring realization that it’s not because you wouldn’t mean it, but really, because this is supposed to be indulgent and sinful, not loving and sweet.

“Whose?” he rasps. It’s what he used to always ask. Who your pussy belongs to. Whose you are.

You can’t say it.

“Whose?” he demands.

You give in.

“Yours,” you whisper. Saying it makes the tears that’ve been threatening to come out finally fall out of the corners of your eyes.

You’re his and you don’t want to be. Because being his means loving a broken man who doesn’t want to get himself together for you.

Your throat aches as you swallow down the pain, shuffling beneath him so he’ll take his mouth off of you. No matter how earth-shatteringly good it feels, you’ll cry if he keeps going.

You turn to perch up on your knees, looking back, but not meeting his gaze because you can’t handle him seeing you teary-eyed. Too many times in the past, you were vulnerable with him just to be called sensitive.

“Hard,” you say in a hush. You want him behind you, fucking you with force, giving you raw pleasure because you need the reminder that that’s all he’s capable of offering you.

Rafe’s pissed off that you cut it short, roughly tugging off his shirt and pulling down his jeans. He realizes you’re still in your bra and he unhooks it, because if he’s nothing but a fuck to you, he deserves to see all of you.

He holds himself at his base, on his knees, finding your entrance. The head of his cock sinks into you and you push back, needing him now.

Rafe smirks depravedly, revelling in the way you look with your ass up in the air for him, desperate for his cock. Good. Because he’s so fucking desperate for you that he still can only come to the thought of you.

His hands are on your hips and he shoves into you, making you gasp, granting your wish to give it to you hard.

He pulls back, then drives back inside over and over, your skin slapping against his, your ass recoiling with each thrust. Every plunge into you is fucking perfect. You’re squeezing him so tight.

Your breaths quicken, both panting as he fucks you from behind, filling you with a deep, hard pressure. It feels so damn good, your moans uncontrollable, but you can’t shut your mind up.

It’s all too much. Loving someone who accused you of not caring about him as much as he did about you was exhausting, but having to pretend you don’t love him at all is even worse.

You bury your face into your pillow, asking yourself the hell you’re doing, getting dressed up for him, letting him continue to take pieces of you every time you meet like this. For the first time, you can’t get lost in the pleasure. The pain is louder.

Rafe’s fingers dig into your hips as his body tightens with the promise of an orgasm. This is what makes it all worth it. When he’s balls deep in you, he doesn’t have the self-loathing thoughts that haunt him every minute he’s alone, he doesn’t have to pretend he’s somewhere else.

It feels so right to be inside you, even though you’re someone he’s supposed to hate. He’s empty, but with you is the only time he’s whole and he so deeply resents that he’s not enough for you, that all this has to be so goddamn complicated.

He sees stars when he comes, pumping deep inside you, grunting a broken string of fucks into your quiet bedroom air. It’s embarrassing to come this fast, but eating you out got him so worked up that he couldn’t control it.

He’s weak, hunching over, one arm holding himself up as stays inside you and skims his other hand over your hip and between your legs, rubbing your clit exactly how you need to come.

Your face is against the pillow, now wet with tears. You won’t be able to come. You can’t.

“Stop it,” you say, voice thick with sorrow.

You shift forward, feeling him slide out of you, collapsing to your side.

“Fuck,” you mumble in the pillow.

Rafe is at a loss. You were just moaning, pushing back against him, and now you’re angry at him, not wanting to let him give you an orgasm.

“What?” he murmurs, moving to lean over you, his hand resting on your sweat-sheened back. “Did it hurt?”

“Yes,” you say impulsively, because while it’s not physical pain, it is emotional agony. You can’t do this. Casual sex isn’t all that casual when the person you’re doing it with owns you in every possible way.

Rafe stiffens. You’re crying. He can hear it in your voice. When you sniffle, he feels like the lowest of the low, the biggest piece of shit in the world. He must have lost himself in the moment, going too rough.

“Are you okay?” he asks. His hand runs up and down the curve of your back, watching you with worried eyes, but like always, you won’t look at him.

“You can leave now.”

Rafe pulls his hand off of you. The bed shifts when he stands. You hear the shuffle of clothes. You look up to see his broad silhouette leave your bedroom, in just his boxers. You wipe away your tears.

In the dim glow of the lamp light, you watch him come back into your bedroom. He’s holding a towel, damp with warm water, and you’re weak, so you let him lie next to you in bed, gently turning you onto your back and wiping between your legs.

It’s something he’d do as a boyfriend, knowing his way around your home, cleaning you up. Not as an ex who’s using you for sex. Every hook-up you’ve had since you broke up ends with one of you abruptly leaving, no concern for aftercare or pillow talk.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, dabbing gently. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Any and every shred of anger and disappointment he holds for you is silenced. He’s disgusted in himself for hurting you. No matter what you are to him now, you were once the sun in a storm, the only person who didn’t make him feel like he was in the background of his own life.

He sounds devastated and you wriggle in your sheets to get a look at his face. His gaze darts to you for just a moment, but it’s enough for you to see that his eyes glossed over with tears.

You feel a prick on your heart. He’s crying over this? You would’ve thought he’d be fine with hurting you during sex. After all, he’s fine hurting you every other way.

“It wasn’t… it didn’t hurt,” you say softly. It’s the first time you care about not hurting his feelings since your catastrophic break-up.

“What? You said it did.”

You gently put your hand on his, stopping his movements, letting your tears fall now because there’s no point in hiding them anymore.

“I meant… what we’re doing hurts,” you admit, looking down at your hands atop the towel because you can’t bear to look into his eyes. “Hooking up like this. It’s fucking with my head.”

Rafe takes a moment to breathe, his chest rising and falling with tears that won’t stop.

His hand slides out from under yours and he sits up, wiping at his eyes. You toss the towel aside, sitting up, too, finding your robe and draping it over your body, even though he’s seen you naked so many times before.

You watch him in the dusk of your bedroom, the light soft over his handsome features, his lips parted as he stares down and tries to gain composure.

“You’re saying you want to stop?” he finally asks through hitched breaths.

You don’t know the answer. You don’t know if you want to stop having Rafe in your life, even in this twisted capacity.

You’re silent, sniffling as your cries refuse to cease. You can’t believe you’re here, both crying on your bed, both having crumbled so quickly.

“You have to answer me,” he says, blinking fast, his tone on the verge of a whine.

Your face is pinched in misery as you gaze at him. He looks up, his eyes bloodshot and glimmering.

“Do you want to stop?” you ask. It’s mostly a cop-out, a test to see if he feels anything more than lust for you.

“Don’t turn it on me,” he mumbles, shaking his head. “You told me to leave. And I’ll go and never come back if that’s what you want.”

Rafe’s eyes burn from the tears. He’s in pieces. He’s not going to be the one going out on a limb here, asking you to keep this arrangement with him. You have to decide.

“Do your friends know that you still see me?” you ask. What happened earlier tonight with your friends won’t leave your head.

“What?” Rafe squints in frustration.

“Do they?”

He pinches the bridge of his nose. How the fuck did he get here? He was just living in a fantasy, finishing inside of you, releasing all his stress, and now, he’s facing the demons that he’s constantly trying to outrun.

“Yeah,” he says. “Why?”

“What do they say?”

“What are you getting at?” he huffs.

“Do they tell you to stop? Or that I’m bad for you?”

“You know we don’t talk like that,” Rafe tells you.

You chew on your lip, gently sweeping under your eyes with shaky fingers. You were the only one he didn’t keep at an emotional distance. The only one he opened up to who never told him to toughen up. It seems that hasn’t changed.

“My friends found out tonight,” you admit. He’s immediately on edge. It was an ongoing theme in your relationship that they never liked him.

“And what, they don’t approve?” Rafe mutters. “So, you’re ending this because you live by their rules?”

You pull your legs forward, curling into a ball with your forehead on your knees.

“Please stop,” you whisper defeatedly. “It’s not like that.”

He stares at you, a hole in his chest as your shoulders skitter with your cries. He always hated seeing you cry.

It’s overwhelming dealing with his own tears, so it’s a million times worse seeing yours. His reflex is to tell you to stop. But when you were his girlfriend, you’d told him, screamed at him really, that it was cruel of him to tell you to quit being sensitive when your body was just letting out pain.

And he’s been ruminating over everything you ever said to him, trying to figure out if there was an exact moment you fell out of love with him. He doesn’t want to be called cruel again.

“What’d they say?” he asks.

You’re surprised to hear the gentle tone of his voice. It’s relieving to not be fighting with him for once.

“That I’ll just end up hurt again,” you confess, your words muffled. “And I am. Already. I don’t remember what it’s like to not hurt.”

Rafe aches, taken aback. You’ve been cold and apathetic every time he’s seen you since the night you drunkenly hooked up in his car as exes. He never knew you were hurting, that he still has the power to do that to you.

“Me, neither,” he admits, his voice brittle. You lift your head to look up at him, needing to see his face to believe it.

“What else?” you ask.

“What else?” he echoes.

“What else do you feel?”

He swallows. It’s odd, not having the urge to hide behind his pride. But your gaze is so sincere, your sniffles so hard to listen to.

Rafe has never been good at talking through his feelings. He prefers to show them by yelling and throwing things and fighting because those methods are easy and safe.

Crying never feels safe. At one point, it did. With you. Before you broke his heart.

“You can tell me,” you say. “I won’t start a fight about it.”

“I don’t give a fuck if you start a fight,” he says, a humorless laugh leaving his lips.

“What do you give a fuck about?” you say, keeping your temper in.

Rafe mumbles your name in frustration, shaking his head.

“I don’t want to… talk to you about this shit just for you to not…” he trails off.

You know your ex well, aware that he needs to be coached through hard conversations. He doesn’t think before he speaks when he’s vulnerable. He rambles, at times all over the place, making it hard to understand him.

“For me to not what?” you ask.

“Think what I think,” he admits.

You rest your cheek on your knee, your eyes stinging with tears.

“What are you thinking?”

“Goddamn it. That I miss you, okay?” he says sharply. “And you just… you look at me like I’m a fucking stranger now.”

It’s the last thing you expected to hear. You thought you were just hook-up to him. Not somebody he misses. Your throat is raw. Your pulse is loud in your ears.

Rafe looks down again, breath shaky as his crying gets closer to sobbing. He’s a mess. He doesn’t do this shit in front of people. He does it alone, when he can’t hold it in any more, letting his cheeks burn with tears when he lies on his pillow at night, knowing there’s no point in trying to stop.

“You miss me?” you repeat. He scoffs, as if he’s angry you pulled it out of him. “What do you miss?”

“Why are you asking me this?” he mutters, annoyed. You always do this, pull at the string barely keeping him together, making him speak. It’s what he always loved and hated about you.

You take a beat before you answer, accepting that you’re about to break the promise you made to yourself to never open up to him again.

“Because I miss you, too,” you admit.

It’s the first time in months that you see light in Rafe’s eyes. A few seconds of heavy silence pass between you.

The moment’s not even over, but you already know you’ll think about it for a long time, about the feeling of sitting with him in your dim room this late at night, practically naked together on your bed, wordless. Every sense of anything sexual is gone, the atmosphere much more fragile.

Even after weeks of hooking up, this is the most intimate moment you’ve shared in a long time.

Then, his brows furrow, uncertainty and anguish flashing on his face. He doesn’t believe you.

“I do,” you say softly, nodding to confirm it.

Rafe opens his mouth to speak, looking down again, another tear rolling down his face and dripping off his chin. You watch the way his glossy bottom lip trembles, as if his mouth is refusing to let him get the words out.

This is when he cracks all the way, holding his head in his hands, silently sobbing. You gaze at him with a broken heart. You’ve seen him cry, but never this hard.

Despite all the pain and anger that festers between you, you shuffle closer. Your bunched up robe falls off your chest and you don’t care. You rest your hand on the back of his neck, guiding him to cry against your bare shoulder.

“It’s okay,” you whisper.

He shakes his head no against you. It’s so far from okay. It’s not fair to meet someone and give them all of himself just to be ridiculed and told that all of him isn’t enough.

But impulse and muscle memory take over and he wraps his arms wrap around you, bare chests pressed together, his face in the crook of your neck.

“You said I was just like my dad,” he murmurs shakily against your skin.

You squeeze your eyes shut. You compared him to his father once, just once, during a fight when you were together. He’d gotten angry at you for being upset, and you knew his dad had done that to him in the past, and the vile, spiteful words came out of your mouth with no filter.

You regretted it immediately. You had no idea he held onto it, too.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, running your hand up and down the back of his hair. “You’re not. I said that just to hurt you. I didn’t mean it.”

He burrows his face deeper, smelling you, his heavy arms lightly trembling as they encircle you. It’s ridiculous how he wanted an apology from you for so long, but now that you gave it, he feels guilty.

“I hurt you, too,” he says. “Your friends are right to hate me.”

“They’re just protective,” you say, your voice wobbly.

“You shouldn’t…” He breathes in sharply. “You shouldn’t need protection from me. I know I fucked up. I fucked up so bad so many times.”

Your mind replays your vicious fights before and after your break-up, how deeply he hurt you when he hurled insults at you and accused you of cheating and blamed you for your problems.

But the good parts weave their way in. You were best friends. You made so many good memories. He loved you, took care of you, spoiled you. You always came together after a fight. Until too much damage had been done.

You can’t deny that he fucked up. But you did, too. You were mean. You were spiteful. You ignored him because you knew how much it hurt him.

“I fucked up, too,” you say, never having liked when he spoke low of himself, hating that you’ve called him names and insulted him in the past. “You deserve to feel good about yourself, okay?”

Rafe exhales shakily. He’s not sure he agrees. He knows there’s a screw loose, something missing in him. Maybe someone like him is fated to hate himself because there’s nothing to love.

“You know why I miss you?” you offer, not waiting for a response. “I had fun with you. I loved how full of life you are and how intensely you care. I loved how you called me your girl and how you much you looked out for me.”

It’s the best thing you could’ve said. This is why you owned his heart. Why you still do. You can unravel him, but you can also you tie him back together. You’re the only one who knows how to.

“Why aren’t you my girl, then?” he finally mumbles.

You swallow hard. It’s not that simple. Not even close.

“You know why,” you say.

Rafe wills himself to pull back, leaving your shoulder wet with his tears, sitting inches away from you.

Your eyes are glossy and red. The sight is pure torture for him. You sigh when he swipes his thumb under your eye, wiping away a fresh tear.

“No, I don’t,” he replies, because really, he’d rather be in a fucked up relationship with you than be apart.

His chest twists with unease. That’s why. He’d choose to be miserable together because at least you’re together. You’d rather be happy with him or be nothing at all.

You look down, frustrated that he still doesn’t get it.

“You always said you loved me more, but it was the other way around,” you say. “Loving someone means wanting to be the best person you can, because it’s what they deserve.”

You meet his hardened eyes, feeling dizzy.

“Why didn’t I deserve it?” you ask.

Rafe’s skin goes cold. He pulls you in, his hands cradling your jaw as he meets your lips tenderly, because he can’t go another second without kissing you. You let him. It feels too good not to.

“You do,” he breathes when he shifts back, his nose nudging yours, his hands still holding your face. “You deserve it. You deserve everything.”

“You’re everything,” you whimper impatiently. He expels a breath of relief. The tears welling in his eyes are from happiness this time. You still care about him. There’s no way you don’t.

“I’ll be better,” Rafe says. You’ve heard him say it so many times before. Your heart isn’t fully out of its cage yet, but you’re willing to listen.

“How?” you say.

It’s been tumbling in his mind nonstop. A world where you’re together is all he thinks about. He straightens, palms still on your cheeks, gazing down at your watery eyes.

“I won’t yell at you,” he says. “I won’t control you. I won’t ever hurt you.”

“You can’t promise to never hurt me,” you say, skeptical.

“Watch me.”

Your lips briefly curl into a sad smile that fades away. He nervously licks his lips, needing you so bad that he feels it in his bones.

He’ll make a fool of himself if he has to. He got this far. He’ll spill his guts to you and if you tell him to leave, he’ll pick himself up and go, because at least he tried. He’s half a person these days anyway.

“I was born to be with you,” Rafe whispers through his tears, staring into the beautiful eyes he dreams about every night. “You’ll always be my girl, alright? I love you.”

A wave of hope and fear and excitement and worry crashes into you. You need a second to understand that this is really happening, to come up for breath.

You gaze at him, taking in how soft and sweet he looks. This is Rafe. Not the man who makes you feel like you can’t do anything right. Beneath everything, beneath his anger and his trauma, the person looking at you is who he really is, someone who just needs to feel loved.

“Talk to me, please, baby,” he begs, thumbs stroking your skin. He can’t take the miserable look on your face. “What are you thinking?”

“That it’s impossible not to love you back,” you confess. “I think maybe we… we can try this again.”

Rafe kisses you hard, passion and joy blazing through him, every part of him wanting every part of you.

Even if you tried, you couldn’t keep track of how many kisses he’s leaving on your lips and your cheeks, overcome with love. You sink into the satisfaction and relief of hope. You never thought you’d feel that with him ever again. Hope.

“I’ll be good to you,” he whispers breathlessly, his forehead against yours. “I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you,” you say, your hands dragging up his firm, naked back. “I never stopped.”

Rafe kisses you again and again and again, his head swimming, his heart racing. He won’t fuck this up. He’ll die if he loses you again.

He gently pushes you so you’ll lie on your back and you sigh in pure relief when his hand dips between your legs, sliding his fingers up and down.

He’s painfully aware that you never got the pleasure he did tonight. He needs to give you an orgasm, to make you feel all the happiness he possibly can.

“My girl,” he says. “I’ll only ever make you feel good. I promise.”

He shifts to rest his head on your chest, fondling you as he lies right over your heart. He hears it pounding, feeling so lucky that you made space for him in it and so determined to never let it hurt ever again.

You wrap one arm around his shoulders and the other settles over his cheek, stroking softly as he traces circles right where you need him to. Your breath is shaky, your body loose, craving him in every sense.

“I fucking live for you, you know that?” he whispers, finding heaven in the way you’re panting and moaning.

You writhe beneath him, adoring how he knows what to do, knows when to dip a finger in you, when to move back up to your clit.

You whisper that you love him over and over as you reach your orgasm, mind-blowing pleasure ripping through you, sure you’ve never felt this much physical and emotional relief at once.

As you tumble down into a blissful fog, Rafe continues to gently run his fingers over you, moving up to kiss you again.

“I live for you,” he repeats against your mouth.

You feel the same way. You know now that you two weren’t destined to fall. You were meant to be happy together. It just took some time to get there.

[mama2bears]

The Storm Of Life - Part 1

Warnings: mention of death (no main characters), tornado

Pairing: Tyler Owens/ F. Reader

Summary: You are a single mother, currently sleeping in your car and trapped in the path of a tornado when Tyler finds you. He will go above and beyond to help you put the broken pieces back together again.

A/N: I had this idea and so far it has been really easy to write. Please let me know what you think. I was thinking of just doing little chapters and maybe do a slow burn relationship? Let me know what you think and if you want to see more. I am still new at writing fan fiction, so I love your feedback! Thank you for reading.

Part 1

“THERE IT IS!” Boone pointed out the funnel, “Seems to be heading east.”

“I got it.” Tyler made a sharp right turn on the next road. The tornado was a big one and it was heading directly towards them.

“WOO!!!” Boone hanged out the window with the video rolling, “Are you guys seeing this!” he yelled for all of the YouTube followers.

“What the hell...” Tyler slammed on the brakes and Boone almost went flying.

“What the..” then Boone seen it.. A small car parked on the side of the road, hood up, smoke coming from under the hood and in the direct path of the oncoming tornado.

“HEY! You gotta get out of there! You okay?” Tyler yelled.

He saw you in the driver's seat and clearly you had been crying. You had your young son and daughter in the back.

In an instant Tyler was out of the truck, “Come on, get in my truck!” he yelled over the roaring winds. He ripped open the back door and grabbed your son while Boone ran to the other side of the car to get your daughter.

Tyler helped you in the the backseat of the truck and handed you the children, 'We gotta go!”

“LULU! My LULU!” your little girl cried.

“Honey we can't...” you say softly.

“What's LULU?” Tyler asked.

“Her stuffed bear.” you say

Tyler ran back to the car and grabbed the stuffed animal off the back seat.

“Here sweetie. We can't leave LULU behind.” he handed the animal back to your daughter and hit a button on the center console of his truck.

“What are you doing? The tornado is here!” you scream.

“I know...put those harnesses on and hold on. We don't have time to outrun it now. I've anchored the truck, we will be okay.” Tyler turned around in his seat to make sure everyone was getting seat belts and harnesses on before he slipped his own harness on.

The truck shook as the twister passed right though them. There was a loud bang outside the window and your son cried “Our car mommy! Our car is gone!”

“We're okay!” Tyler yelled in hopes of comforting them. “It's okay...tornado is passing...it's okay.”

As quick as it got started, the tornado was gone and blue skies began to appear.

Tyler turned around to speak to you and his heart broke, seeing you and your kids in tears, “Hey, hey....it's okay. I'll see if I can find your car. We'll take photos for the insurance. They'll help you get another one. In the meantime I'll give you a ride home.” he tried to comfort you.

“That car was our home. Now I really have nothing.” you cried.

Tyler sighed and his eyes meant Boone's. He knew he had to help you, but he wasn't sure how just yet.

“It's going to be okay.” Tyler opened his door. “You guys stay here. There's a lot of debris out there and I don't want anyone getting hurt. I'll go see how bad it is.”

“I am scared mommy.” Your daughter cried. Your son was looking out the window crying. Boone turned around and saw you trying your best to dry your tears and comfort the kids. He wasn't great with kids, he didn't really have any experience, but he had to try something. It was breaking his heart to see you all so scared.

“Hey...who want's some ice cream? There's a little shop right up the road.” he gave a soft smile.

The kids crying stopped. “ME! ME! ME!” came happy yells from the backseat. Boone grinned, satisfied that he had made the kids happy, at least for a moment.

Tyler returned, a heartbroken look on his face. He got in the truck and turns to the back to look at you, “Sorry miss...the car is totaled. It's wrapped around a tree back there. I grabbed some clothes and toys I found and I've put them in the back of my truck for you.

“ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM!” the children in the back were still chanting, despite you trying to calm them down and fighting back tears.

Tyler frowned, a bit confused on why the kids were cheering for ice cream.

“We gotta go get ice cream!” Boone grinned at Tyler, “And you're buying.”

“Who's idea was this?” Tyler asked the kids with a small smile.

“HIS!!!” Both kids pointed at Boone, who tried to put on an innocent face.

“Alright...Ice Cream it is.” he smiled, keying up the radio to let the rest of the team know, “We're making a emergency ice cream stop in town.”

“A what?” Lily asked.

“Just meet us at the ice cream parlor in town.” Tyler said before starting the truck and heading towards town.

“I'm Tyler by the way. This is my buddy Boone.” he said, “We're storm chasers. I am glad we came by when we did. What you doing out here?”

“I was heading into town to see about finding a new baby sitter. My old one just quite and and I can't afford to lose my job. But now I don't know what I am going to do.” you turned your head to look out the window so your kids couldn't see the tears run down your cheek.

“Hey hey now...it'll be okay...What's your name?” Tyler asked.

“I am Y/N. This is my son Billy and my daughter Harley.” you say.

“Hi Billy and Harley!” Tyler smiled, “How old are you guys?”

The kids were silent as they looked at Tyler and back to their mom, “Harley just turned 3 and Billy is 4.” you tell him.

“Four and a half.” Billy corrects. “I four and a half.”

“Four and a half.” Tyler nods and flashes you a grin, “Get it right Mom! He's four and a half.”

You give him a grateful smile as he pulls the truck into the local ice cream shop. Thankfully the twister had touched down outside of town and died out before reaching it.

Tyler opens the door for you and lifts both kids out. “This is a big truck! I love trucks!” Billy smiled.

“Really?” Boone said as Tyler opened the door for everyone, “You know T here shoots fireworks off the back of his truck.”

“REALLY!” Billy's eyes light up.

“Really,” Tyler said. “Hey, maybe later I'll let you hit the button that makes them go BOOM!”

“YAY!” Billy cheered.

“What about you, Harley?” Tyler looked at her, “You wanna shoot off fireworks too?”

She nodded, biting at her figure nails.

“She's really shy...until she gets to know you. Once she knows you, she'll be stuck to you like glue.” you say as your daughter wraps her little arms around your leg.

Tyler gives you both a smile just as the rest of the team arrived.

“Ah, here's my team! This is Lily, she operates our drone.”

“You got a DRONE too! Can we set fireworks off of THAT!”

Everyone laughs and Tyler shakes his head no, “Sorry little man. Can't set fireworks off the drone, but we can look on a screen and see some really cool videos. It will be almost like you're a bird flying.”

“COOL! I am a eagle!” Billy yells, pretending to fly around the ice cream shop.

“Billy, stop that and come here.” you scold, to which he comes over and stands next to you.

“This is Dexter. He's our scientist and weather watcher. He helps Dani with our merchandise sales.” Tyler points to Dani, “And that's Dani...she's scientist, sales, YouTube, photo taker, you name it, she does it.”

“Everyone, this is Y/N and her two little ones, Billy and Harley. Their car just got wrapped around a tree by the tornado so, we're helping them out.”

“Oh my God, are you guys okay?” Lily asked.

“Yes, Tyler got us into his truck just in time. Thank God he got there.” You were shaking, realizing just how close you and the kids came to losing your life.

“Hey, it's okay now. Don't worry.” Tyler gave you a small hug, “So, what is everyone having?”

“Chocolate.” Dani ordered, “Strawberry” came Dexter's order, “Rocky road” Lily chimed in.

“Banana Split” Boone said, “And T said he's paying for it!” he informed the team.

You and the kids are looking at the many different ice cream flavors when Tyler walks up behind you, “Know what you guys want?” he asks softly.

“Bent Socket Rip.” Harley smiles.

Tyler frowns for a moment, then catches on, “Mint Chocolate Chip, right?”

Harley nods with a smile.

“Mint chocolate chip for me too!” Billy adds.

“And what about for mom here?” he asks.

“Chocolate will be fine. “ you smile.

“Coming right up.”

Everyone gets their orders placed and takes a seat around one of the tables.

“So you're storm chasers...you do this for a living?” you ask.

“Yes..and because it's fun.” Tyler smiles. “We do this to collect data for varies weather teams and to try to approve the warning time for these storms. We go into towns and help out after a tornado. I enjoy my work, even if it's dangerous. I respect the storm, but I try to have fun with it too, that way other people will want to learn more about thunderstorms and tornadoes and maybe learn how to be safe in them.

“What do you do?” he asks.

“I am a waitress at the diner here in town. Or I should say used to be. If I don't find a sitter by tomorrow then I am fired. And now I don't even have a car...so. I don't know. If it's not one thing it's something else.” you shake your head and try to hold back the tears that want to fall.

“We'll figure something out.” Tyler promised. “I am not just going to leave you stranded.” he bite his bottom lip trying to think.

“Hey guys, once you all are done with your ice cream, why don't you take the kids out and show them all the cool stuff we've got.” Tyler told the team.

“Can I see the fireworks!” Billy asked.

Tyler laughed, “Not yet, buddy. No shooting off fireworks in the parking lot. But maybe we'll go off into a field later and fire some off.”

“YAY! BOOM BOOM!” Billy's eyes light up with excitement.

“Thank you.” You give a small smile to this guy who just happened to stop and pluck you and the kids out of a tornado's path, and now he was going out of his way to make the kids happy and try to keep their mind off of the serious of the situation.

Once the kids were done with their ice cream the team lead them out to explore all three of their vehicles and the equipment that made storm chasing possible.

“Do you have any place to go?” Tyler asked once the kids were outside.

“No...I don't even know anyone.” you turn your head away as tears rolled down your cheeks.

“Hey, it's okay.” Tyler's voice was kind and gentle, “you know me and the team..that's something.” he placed a hand on your shoulder to comfort. “How about the kid's father? Is he in the picture?”

“No. He was killed three years ago in a tornado. Him and my parents. He went to get my parents from their house because they didn't have a storm cellar and we did. They were killed on the way back to our farm. The tornado blew the truck off the road.” you broke down in tears remembering that awful day. “Harley had just be born...”

“I am sorry.” Tyler pulled you into a hug. “No family or anything around?”

You shook your head, “My parents were my only family. His family had passed away before we met.”

Tyler took a deep breath, “Okay, let me make a phone call. I think I might have an idea.”

He stood and walked to the back of the parlor.

“Hey, mom?” he said when she picked up the phone.

“Listen, I have a lady here with two little children. Their car just got destroyed in a tornado. They were living in the car. She has no family and no where to go. That's about all I know right now, but she's gonna need a place to stay and maybe someone to watch the kids. At least for a little while. She's working at a diner here in town.”

“Okay, great. Mom, thank you. I love you too. Bye Bye.”

Tyler was smiling when he returned to the table, “Okay, my mom and I have a ranch about half an hour from here. We have two spare bedrooms and you are welcomed to stay there as long as you need. She even volunteered to watch the kids when you go to work. It's just her and the animals when I am not around, so I am sure she would enjoy some company.”

You smile and hug Tyler, “Thank you, thank you so much.”

“Not a problem.” he smiled. “Wanna go shoot off fireworks on our way?”

You smile, drying your tears, “Actually, that does sound pretty awesome.”

“Hot dog, let's go do it then!” he stood and walked with you to the door, “Who's ready for fireworks!” He yelled as he pushed open the door.

The whole team screamed like kids, making you break out in laughter, for the first time in years. You didn't know what laid ahead, but at least now, you had hope that maybe you could get back on your feet again.

[ladykailitha]

Around the World Part 1

Welcome to the sequel, but not the epilogue! It a bit confusing and I'm sorry. Essentially this story takes place before the sobriety celebration in the last chapter of Icarus. Which I would absolutely read first if you haven't yet. It's 25 chapters of Steddie on tour.

The epilogue takes place SIX years AFTER Gareth's celebration. And is only two chapters. It is an unmasking of The Fallen. I wrote when I was trying to flesh out Shane, Spence, and Simon.

Summary: After a grueling tour, Steve wants nothing more than take a vacation with his boyfriend and just be regular people for three months. Only Eddie isn't just anyone, he's the frontman for the world's most popular heavy metal band. So Chrissy and Robin come long to act as beards (provided they keep their hands off of each other long enough). Join the fruity four as they travel the world looking for the spooky, the kooky, and the all together weird.

~

The tour was finally over and Steve was ready to collapse. He couldn’t wait to be himself again.

It would be two weeks with Jim Hopper and the rest of his band to deprogram them from their alter egos then a three month trip with Robin and Eddie.

Everyone else had made plans too. Spence and Nadia were going to see a few of the national parks. They were going to start with the ones in California and then go from there. They were planning on making it a yearly thing, if they lasted that long.

His friends really hoped they did. One of them needed a healthy relationship that wasn’t kept in the shadows.

Steve showed up first and waited for his bandmates to trickle in. Shane arrived first. With coffee for all six of them. Robin and Hopper included. Steve gratefully took his syrupy sweet iced coffee with a grateful smile.

Shane was doing better too. He had started therapy too after talking with Gareth about his. Gareth had told him that it was better to start when the cracks were beginning to show, then after the damn had burst. And Shane had really taken that to heart.

Him and Gareth were taking a vacation together later in the summer. To places where drinking and partying wasn’t the only way to have fun. Both their therapists recommended it, to have a friend with them who was going through a similar journey to help keep them on the path to recovery.

Simon came in next. He gratefully took his black coffee with two sugars from Shane and flopped on the sofa next to Steve. He was the only one of them that didn’t have plans. But privately Steve thought that was a good thing. He needed to learn to be more independent and not rely on other members of the band so much.

Then it was Robin and Hopper together, they were talking about business things that made Steve’s head spin. He knew it was a necessary part of what they did, but he was glad he someone else to do it for him.

They each took their coffees from Shane with grateful mumbles and sat down in each the arm chairs.

Spence arrived last and looking rather harried.

“If I see one more out of state driver thinking that they know how to drive on the instate better than Californians I might actually commit murder.”

Shane held up a white Americano and Spence broke down into tears. “I love you, man!”

Spence gave him a huge hug and Shane just patted his back awkwardly. Once Spence stopped crying he went to go sit on the sofa with Steve and Simon.

“Sorry about that,” he said with a sniff. “It’s just been a horrific morning and the sweet smell of coffee was like balm on my soul.”

Steve was about to ask what was wrong, when Hopper cleared his throat. “All right, everyone. I’ve made everyone videos that I want all you of you to study for the next couple of hours and then we’ll slowly work on deprogramming all of you.”

They buckled down and got to work. Steve kept an eye on Spence though. And when they both got a break he pulled his drummer aside.

“Hey, bud,” Steve asked soothingly, “what’s wrong?”

Spence ran his fingers through his long curls and sighed. “Nadia has to go back to India for a few months because her grandfather is dying. Only she’s not sure how long it will be so most likely the vacation is off.”

Steve blinked at him for a moment. “And you’re not going with her, why?”

Spence raised his head and blinked back at him. “What?”

“You’re a multi-millionaire, dude,” Steve pointed out, “you could go with her to India. Meet her family, enjoy and learn a whole new country and culture.”

Spence’s eyes went wide. “I–I didn’t think of that...” he made a dive for his phone but Hopper was faster.

“It can wait until you’re done for today,” he growled. “You have a lot to do before you can contact people in your life.”

Spence blushed a dark red.

“Holy fucking hell, Spencer Peters,” Hopper snapped. “I told you not go see her. And ya did it anyway.”

“I figured I was okay,” Spence muttered. “After all I don’t talk as Azrael.”

Hopper smacked the back of his head. “Yeah and how did you explain your rough voice?”

“Traveler’s cough?” Spence said with a wince and a shrug.

Hopper squeezed the bridge of his nose with finger and thumb and sighed. “Don’t do that again, yes?”

Spence nodded, wide eyed.

Things progressed naturally from there. Every day, them becoming more like themselves and less like two separate people.

On the last day of “training” Robin came bouncing up to Steve.

“So...” she said nervously, “Vickie wants us to take a fourth on our vacation so it doesn’t look like I’m chaperoning you. Preferably another woman.”

Steve sighed.

He really should have seen that coming. Even though Robin/Celeste are known homosexuals, having another woman there would dispel the rumors that Eddie and Steve were dating.

“It would have to be someone straight,” he said, resigned.

“Would another chaotic bisexual work?” Robin asked chewing nervously on her lower lip.

“Chrissy.”

Robin grinned. “Yeah. It’ll be awesome because like me she was friends with the band before she became their manager so her and Eddie are really close, like you and me and with her with us, you ‘dating’ a manager isn’t as gold digger-esque as dating a international rockstar. Plus, she really likes the spooky and supernatural stuff too, so she wouldn’t be a killjoy about it–”

Steve grabbed her by the shoulders and said firmly, “Breathe.”

Robin took a massive inhale and gulped.

“I don’t mind Chrissy coming along,” he said with a wry smile, “but are you sure you don’t just want her along because you have a crush on her?”

She opened her mouth to refute it, but Steve raised an eyebrow and she slammed her mouth shut.

“That’s what I thought,” he said smugly. “Just know you cannot do anything even remotely couple-y with her otherwise that will completely counter the whole reason she’s there in the first place.”

Robin raised her hands in surrender. “I promise to keep my hands to myself until we get home.”

“Then of course she can come.”

“Yay!” Robin cried jumping up and down.

~

Steve was packing for his trip and was starting to worry that maybe this was a bad idea. He hadn’t thought about how it would look with him spending so much money on clothes and accommodation. Travel and food made sense on a PA’s salary, but staying in the places that Eddie would want to stay in without being labeled a gold digger was starting to weigh on his mind.

Which is of course when Eddie came to his rescue without him even needing to say a word.

The man in question came bounding into his room, him long since having had a key to the place, even well before he knew Steve was Abbadon. It was just now, he also had the biolock to Steve’s studio, too.

“Baby,” Eddie said giddily. “I found these haunted bed and breakfast places we can stay in on trip. With motels on standby in case they really are haunted. What do you think?”

Eddie let out a startled squawk when Steve tackled him onto the bed and completely ravished him.

When they were lying in bed afterward Eddie asked what that was about.

“Like, I loved the welcome,” he hedged. “But damn sweetheart, what did I do to deserve that in particular?”

Steve blushed and tucked his head into Eddie’s shoulder. “I was worried about it looking like I have too munch money for a PA or looking like a gold digger, then you come in with a plan of small bed and breakfasts and motels and I honestly couldn’t love you more in that moment.”

Eddie blinked for a moment as he took that in.

“Sweetheart,” he said softly, “you’ve gone on more lavish vacations with me before, what’s all the worry for now?”

“It’s just after the tour and the press accusing me of riding on your coattails and only being your friend for your money...”

“Oh, baby,” Eddie cooed, pulling Steve in impossibly closer. “I’d forgotten about that bullshit. Of course you’d be worried about that.”

“And then you came barreling into my intrusive thoughts,” Steve huffed in faux annoyance, “and just by being your sweet lovable self, scared off all my doubts and worries. Which is why I absolutely could not keep my hands off of you.”

Eddie tilted his head to the side. “I approve.”

Steve giggled and rolled on top of him to shower him with kisses. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, baby,” Eddie murmured. “So the B&Bs are a hit?”

Steve sat up, straddling his hips. “Yeah, Eddie, it’s a hit. It’s perfect and low key. Most of those places wouldn’t even recognize you.” He paused for a moment. “Wait... that’s why you picked it isn’t?”

Eddie blushed and shoved a lock of hair in front of his face, nodding shyly.

Steve started kissing him again and again. “I think it’s a perfect idea, honey. I love that you thought of everything. Now we can absolutely go and everyone can have a good time. Thanks to you.”

“I want to take all the credit for be smart,” Eddie said bashfully, “but I was just going for as much fun and as silly as possible.”

Steve kissed him fiercely. “Well, still take credit, babe, because you cinched it for everyone.”

“Mmk,” Eddie said, then he grabbed Steve waist and flipped them over. “For being so sweet, I think it’s time I repaid you.” He slid down Steve’s body, hands roaming over sensitive skin the further down he went.

Steve let out a gasp as Eddie’s mouth enveloped around his dick. It would be sometime before either of them got out of bed.

~

The day of their departure came and all their bandmates came out to see them off. Simon had decided to take a wine tour of Italy and France to brush up on his language skills. An endeavor Robin heartily endorsed.

Steve secretly hoped that he would find a nice European woman to settle down with and get married. He could bring her back to LA so that it didn’t break up the band, but...

Yeah, he knew it was pipe dream. Simon still got too far into his head especially with his anxiety.

They hugged and kissed everyone goodbye and started their journey of all things, spooky, kooky, and the bizarre at Alcatraz Prison.

The long white corridors and echoing chambers was exactly what they wanted in a place they visited.

They all listened with rapt attention as their tour guide went on about the notorious prisoners and the daring escape that to that day was still unsolved. They even talked about how the Mythbusters had proven that they could have survived.

That night in their first haunted bed and breakfast, they pulled up the episode on Chrissy’s laptop and they all huddled around it to watch.

Then the girls went into one room and Eddie and Steve went into the other. They probably could have afforded to have all of them having their own room, but Eddie and Steve wanted the privacy. The one place they could act couple-y.

“Just think!” Eddie said excitedly. “All the mobsters that were interned there. Machine Gun Kelly! Al Capone! Fucking Al Capone! Whitey Bulger!”

Steve nodded. “And that famous escape from the Anglin Brothers and Frank Morris! God, that place was creepy as hell though.”

“Yeah,” Eddie agreed. “If that’s what solitary is like it should be against the law. What the honest fuck.”

“Just don’t commit any murders and I think we should be okay,” Steve assured him, rubbing his arm gently.

Eddie cocked his head to the side and put his finger to his lips thoughtfully. “No promises!”

Steve laughed and tackled his boyfriend to the bed. “God I love you.” He kissed Eddie deeply. “How quiet do you think you can be?”

“Right...” Eddie snorted, “like I’m the loud one, Mr. Screamer.” He casually flipped the two of them over, Steve giving a surprised yelp. “Do you think you can be quiet or do you think we need to gag you?”

Steve’s eyes went wide and his jaw went slack. He never thought he’d like the idea of a gag, but with Eddie, he was learning all sorts of new things about himself.

“Ooh...” Eddie said with a grin. “Someone just bluescreened over that suggestion.” Steve could only nodded. “You stay right there, pumpkin, let me go find something to gag you with.”

Steve nodded again, even more enthusiastically then before. He watched eagerly as Eddie went digging through their luggage, hoping he found something quickly.

“Ah ha!” Eddie cried, holding up his prize. It was a blank bandanna with white skulls on it. “This’ll do!”

He came bounding back up the bed and tied it over Steve’s mouth. “Now you just lie there, princess. I’m going to take good care of you tonight.”

~

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

I was going to start from scratch (meaning just putting my permanent list down and have ten new people request to be tagged), but there are a couple from my permanent list that aren't on the list for this one, and as I really don't want to have to go line by line (I will fuck up and do it wrong), I'm just keeping the list from Icarus across the trilogy, sorry!

If you are on this list and want to be removed from this and future sequels, let me know!

Tag List: CLOSED

1- @mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence

3- @goodolefashionedloverboi @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @irregular-child @blondie1006

4- @yikes-a-bee @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten

5- @genderless-spoon @y4r3luv @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt

6- @disrespectedgoatman @eyehartart @dawners @thespaceantwhowrites @tinyplanet95

7- @iamthehybrid @croatoan-like-its-hot @papergrenade @cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars

8- @ravenfrog @w1ll0wtr33 @child-of-cthulhu @kultiras @dreamercec

9- @machete-inventory-manager @useless-nb-bisexual @stripey82 @dotdot-wierdlife @kal-ology

10- @sadisticaltarts @urkadop @chameleonhair @clockworkballerina @garden-of-gay

[barbies1shots]

more toxic sukuna 😔

you all are NASTYYY !!! yall toxic sukuna is not for the weak , heres pt1 freaks .

giving my thanks to @thataintyohoeee for bits of this idea .

☆ - TOXIC themes , choking , mentions of stalking , calling the 😼 'she/her' , full nelson , abuse , hints at cheating (sukuna) , mentions of manipulation , mentions of murder , mentions of suicide , body fluids, possessive themes , obsessive themes , reader tries to be a boss bitch but cant stick up for herself , this and YOU guys who support this is genuinely concerning

read at your own risk

toxic!sukuna who you broke up with multiple months ago yet still comes around, claiming that youre the only one he really wants. that no other woman can replace you.

toxic!sukuna who goes to the club the next night and flirts with 2 women before taking them home.

toxic!sukuna who send you photos and videos of him fucking them dumb but saying that they can never compare.

toxic!sukuna who shows up at your house in the middle of the night, completely drunk and off his ass saying that he regrets everything he did. the abuse and manipulation.

toxic!sukuna who presses his face into your chest, pleading for you to take him back.

"Please, please, i didnt mean anything i did or said. ill be better for you. i make you the center of my life, the center of my soul. ill change just for you. I wont hurt you again, Ill love you more than i love myself."

toxic!sukuna who tries to hide his smirk once you accepted him into your home with a heavy heart.

toxic!sukuna who goes to your bathroom to clean himself up but ends up stuffing multiple pairs of dirty underwear into his pants pockets.

toxic!sukuna who licks his lips as he knows that you can not resist him, youre just too caring and compassionate.

toxic!sukuna who sat next to you on the couch after you asked him if he wanted to watch a movie.

toxic!sukuna who has his tongue down your throat and a hand between your thighs by the first 10 minutes of the movie.

toxic!sukuna who keeps pushing at your chest untill your back is pressed into the couch cushions despite your small protests.

toxic!sukuna who continues to take your breath away even after you told the man you wanted a break.

toxic!sukuna who stares blankly at your back as you walked away after you successfully shoved him off and walked into the kitchen.

toxic!sukuna who follows after you and pins you against the kichen counter, his hips pressed into yours so much that it begins to hurt your pelvis and hips as the kitchen counter dug into your skin

toxic!sukuna who wraps a hand around your neck and doesnt let up even after you begin gurgling on your own spit.

toxic!sukuna who smiles in delight when your claw desperately at his skin, drawling blood.

toxic!sukuna who shoves your night shorts down your legs and shoves another hand under your ass.

toxic!sukuna who releases his hand on your neck and shoves your upper back untill your bent over the counter.

toxic!sukuna who lands a slap on your sensitive cunt, pulling a shrill cry from your lips.

toxic!sukuna who just keeps slapping your lower body even after you reach a hand back to cover yourself from his relentless strikes.

toxic!sukuna who sees the counter wet from your snot and tears and grabs your hair to pull you up.

toxic!sukuna who runs a long tongue over your face, licking up everything on it. Tears, spit, snot.

toxic!sukuna who laughs as your sudder in disgust.

toxic!sukuna who pulls your lower lips apart just to look at the damage done, all the slick dripping down your plump thighs.

toxic!sukuna who bends down to pick you up, legs way above your head and completely at his mercy.

toxic!sukuna who jerks your body just to watch your breasts jump with every convenience.

"Let me go, Ryomen! I let you in my house so you dont have to gravel at my feet like a lost puppy! We broke up so long ago, you cheated on me, you tried to manipulate me, you abused me! I hate you!"

toxic!sukuna who listens to your hateful rambling with a smile on his face.

toxic!sukuna who slams himself in your cunt, cutting off every little thought in your small head.

toxic!sukuna who rails you even with how long your cries are.

toxic!sukuna who stops for a second and walks to the bathroom mirror, forcing yourself to watch how he drops you up and down on his dick.

"I didnt do shit to you, (name). You wanted this! you begged me every night to come over, dont think i didnt forget that. Dont think i didnt forget you sending me videos of you fucking yourself raw each night and sending me videos at 2am!"

"you cant ever run from me. i will always be with you, by you, infront of you, behind you... watching you!"

toxic!sukuna who growled those words into your ears as you cried and came on his dick again.

toxic!sukuna who coos mockingly as you beg him to slow down and let you have a break.

toxic!sukuna who claims your cunt loves it so much that shes squeezing him extra tight tonight.

toxic!sukuna who groans loudly after you tighten up.

toxic!sukuna who threatens to kill everyone you know after you begged him for help.

toxic!sukuna who threatened to kill you while youre stuff with his dick, that he has your life in his hands.

toxic!sukuna who then threatened to kill himself after eveything because you cant go into the after life without him.

toxic!sukuna who drops your spent body on the bed, getting behind you and says hell fuck you untill the sun comes up.

toxic!sukuna who you wont ever get rid of, who will always be there.

"Ive told you multiple times, baby. you cant run from me."

there you freaks go , part2 of toxic sukuna .

prt1 toxic!sukuna

prt3 toxic!sukuna

- Aizawas BARB !

revenge on toxic!sukuna

[tomssexdoll]

Tom being reader’s ex boyfriend and uhm “cheering her up” after her boyfriend who she dated after she broke up with Tom cheated on her so they were at part and Tom saw her crying he was still kinda mad at her but also had feeling for her and wanted her back so he came to her and ask her what happened and after she told him he was a little happy cause at first she is single now and at second he told her that he is idiot after he found out she was dating him and he said “i told he was an idiot you just refused to believe me” and then he is like “i know what can cheer you up” and they end up ducking

BTW I LOVE YOUR FANFICS SM❤️❤️❤️

YUH YUH YUH ILYSM UR AN ANGEL <33333

Me and Tom had broken up over a year ago, things were getting complicated and we were just too busy for each other, balancing work and our love life wasn't much of an option.

I was heartbroken when he left me, crying for month. Until I met my current boyfriend Jack, well now ex. I met him 4 months after I broke up with Tom and we got together 3 weeks after, hitting it off.

He was really sweet at the start, taking me on dates and getting me flowers, at that point me and Tom were still friends but barely talked to each other. When he found out, I could tell he was angry and hurt, distancing himself more.

I just ignored Toms stubborn reaction and focused on Jack. 7 months into the relationship I was scrolling through his phone, looking at pictures of us together and smiling, his body asleep next to me. I accidently clicked into his messages, seeing "pizza hut" saved as a contact. I furrowed my eyebrows, maybe it was a silly prank between his friends? I decided to click on it, seeing if he was planning any cute dates or a surprise for my birthday since it was next week.

My heart dropped as I saw the messages, photos exchanged of themselves naked and videos of them fucking, the messages they sent to each other were dirty, disgusting even.

I quickly closed the phone and set it down, turning on the lamp and shaking Jack awake, confronting him. He tried to deny it but of course the proof was right there, then he gaslighting came. I just sobbed, kicking him out of the house.

I woke up the next day, it was 7pm already, my eyes red and puffy from crying all night. "I need to get out..I can't cry over that asshole" I got up, grabbing the sluttiest dress I could find and doing my makeup and hair, quickly putting some heels on before texting my friends, asking if any parties were on.

To my surprise there was, she sent the address and it was walking distance, I grabbed my keys and ran out the front door, locking it behind me. I started to walk to the house, anxiety flowing through me.

As I got to the party I rushed to the alcohol section, finding any drink I could get my hands on, needing to drown my sadness. I settled on a bottle of vodka, snatching it and walking over to an empty couch, chugging it, the clear liquid burning my throat.

I started to cry again, the images of the texts flashing in my head again. I continued to sip at the vodka, nearly halfway done. "Jesus christ Y/N.." I heard a familiar voice, my head shot up and eyes widened as I saw Tom standing there, a concerned look on his face.

"Fuck..you can't see me like this.." I groaned, he sat down, rubbing a hand on my thigh, "what happened?" he sighed heavily, I could tell he was still mad at me but he cared, he always did.

"Jack cheated on me.." I choked out a sob, tears gushing down my face, drenching my dress. He pulled me close, running a hand through my hair, "I told you he was an idiot but you refused to listen" he grunted.

"Now I'm fucking single..I kicked him out" I slurred my words, a small smile plastered on his face but soon faded. "Let's get you somewhere quiet and stop with the alcohol, hm?" he smiled softly, I nodded and held onto him and he guided me to an empty bedroom.

Once we arrived he patted his lap, "cmon liebe" I rushed over to him, sitting on his lap and wrapping my legs around his waist, burying my face into his neck.

"I know what can cheer you up.." he whispered softly in my ear, his hand trailing down to my ass, rubbing it softly. I pulled back and looked at him, biting my lip, "really?" "yes really, lay back on the bed schatz.." he grinned, pushing me onto the bed.

I watched as he slithered between my legs, fingers tracing over my curves softly, one hand reaching up my dress and pulling my panties off. "Be a good girl, ok?" he said sternly "fine.." I giggled, hiking my dress up.

"Fuck..missed this pussy" he groaned, palming his cock. I reached out and grabbed his face, pulling it down and pressing my lips against his, he smirked against my lips, pulling his pants off with one hand.

He deepened the kiss as he slid his boxers off, one hand caressing my hips. "Let me fuck you baby.." he murmered, pulling away and looking into my eyes, I looked down at his cock, it was throbbing, desperate for any kind of attention.

I smirked and spread my legs, he grabbed onto my hips, slowly pushing in and stretching me out for the first time in a while, Jack wasn't nearly as big as Tom, I knew I had to get used to his cock again.

"Ah!" I cried out, holding onto his biceps as he bottomed himself out, filling me up. "Fuckkk.." he groaned "you're so fucking tight, was Jack ever this deep in you?" he smirked, a hand coming to the back of my head and pulling my hair roughly.

"No.." I whimpered, he chuckled and started to slam himself into me, pounding at my hole relentlesly. "That's right, he'll never fuck you like I do" he growled, nails digging into my hips harshly.

I moaned loudly as his tip rammed into my g spot, intense waves of pleasure crashing throughout my body, "holy fuck!" I cried out, tears pricking at my eyes, threatening to come out.

"So fucking good.." he groaned, throwing his head back as his cock constantly dissapeared in my cunt, squelching noises coming from my pussy as his length pounded into it.

The sound of skin slapping filled the room, the music too loud for anyone else to hear our lovemaking session. I felt a knot form in my stomach, the burning in my heat becoming more prominent, my orgasm dangerously close.

He smirked, feeling my pussy softly clench on his cock, his length starting to twitch inside me, "gonna cum baby.." he moaned, rubbing rough circles on my clit, trying to get me to cum with him.

I whimpered and came on his cock, my orgasm washing over me. As soon as my pussy clenched harder on him he came, squirting his load into me, coating my walls completely.

"Oh my god.." he sighed, falling back onto the bed and trying to catch his breath. I rolled over to climbed on top of his chest, putting his cock back in me, "round 2?" I grinned, he chuckles "how could I say no"

tags: @itsmealaiah @itsangelll @tomkaulitzloverr @ge-billsgf @ballhair @charliesgoodboy @estxkios @bkaulitzlover

[lvrhughes]

Can't Sleep Without You | N. Hischier

pairing: Nico Hischier x gn!reader (I believe)

word count: 2k

warnings: none?

summary: After you and Nico break you can’t sleep, til you show up at his place after a night out

not my gif!

“I’m done! We’re done! We cannot do this anymore, there’s too many fights, we’re barely together anymore.”

The words were haunting, being yelled at you by the man you thought you’d marry. Two weeks, it had been two weeks since the breakup, the worst two weeks of your life. You couldn’t sleep, you could barely eat, your friends were being ghosted, and yet, when the devils games would appear on your tv, he looked fine. 

It broke your heart a little more every time you would see pictures or videos of him, smiling and happy, while you were barely living. Why did he deserve to be happy now? Why did he get to not mourn the death of their relationship?

Yet behind the screens, he was as bad as you. The team tried endlessly to get him to come celebrate the win, but he’d never, choosing to stay in. trying to sleep away all the pain he caused, he wished he’d held on, wished he tried to work everything out, instead of just leaving. 

He’d stalk your friends on social media, seeing if you’d been with them at all, for two weeks, nothing. It was like you didn’t exist on social media, but then the third week, alone in his apartment, scrolling through instagram, he saw you again. Smiling, dancing, having a good time. All while he wallowed in his room, alone, his team out celebrating. He tried to see where you were, seemingly the same bar the team had gone to. 

When the notification of your best friend went live, he never clicked anything so fast, the shaky camera pointed at you when he joined, jumping around, dancing, he could see his team in the back, watching Dawson walk up to you. The music was too loud to hear anything else, but he could tell it wasn’t a completely innocent sentence when a blush covered your cheeks. Jealousy filled him quickly, he knew he had no right but he couldn’t not. So he decided if you were going to move on he was too, he changed into something more appropriate for going out and left. The bar was just down the street from him, only a couple minute walk. He made it there fast, with ease, slipping in to find his team. 

“NICO!” Jack was the first to see him and share his excitement at seeing the captain. That made everyone’s head turn, smiling at him, some even running to hug him when they spotted him. When his entrance settled down, he saw Dawson sitting with you, talking, flirting, he couldn’t tell the difference with the jealousy that filled him.

He could faintly hear your laugh over the excruciatingly loud music, seeing your head fall back. To him you were still the most gorgeous person he’d ever seen, it pained him to see you happy with his teammate. He was mesmerized staring at you until you felt his eyes on you, turning the catch him staring. He could see the way the joy, happiness, fell from your eyes at the sight of him. His heart shattered at how your eyes fell when you saw him, making him want to turn out and leave, never to be seen again, shamed for what he did. 

He saw Dawson say something to you, it was quiet, more whisper, then moved his arm around your waist, leading you to your friends. The tears filled your eyes quickly when they caught sight of Nico, his hair falling perfectly just like you’d remembered, his eyes shining in the dim light. Seeing him through all the effort you’d put into trying to move on out the window, seeing him made you need him almost more than you ever had. The sleepless night, the inability to eat feelings returning. 

Dawson held you tight against him, bringing you back to your friends. Raising his hand to wipe away your tears, his touch was gentle, almost enough to make you cry more. 

“I’m going to take her home, okay?” Dawson yelled to your friends when he got close enough, grabbing your bag from the table they had. They nodded, seeing Nico in the distance, the tears on your face, connecting the dots, they knew you shouldn’t be here anymore. 

When you turned around to try and find Nico one last time, he was gone. He was practically running home, fighting the urge to get you back, tell you how he regrets everything, fighting tears while he ran. He made it home in about a minute, slamming his door opened and closed fast, collapsing on his bed. 

Dawson had led you out to his car, asking for your address.

“No.” That elicited a very confused look out of Dawson.

“What?”

“Bring me to Nico’s please.” your voice was barely above a whisper, almost ashamed to ask. He just nodded, starting his car and pulling out of the parking lot, he knew Nico could get you home if needed. 

It was a short ride to Nico's, taking only about three minutes, you got out quickly, thanking Dawson for the night. He nodded, repeating your thanks, letting you run inside. You couldn’t bother waiting for the elevator, running up all the stairs instead. 

When you made it to his door, slightly out of breath from the stupid number of stairs, you froze for a minute partially to catch your breath, practically to shake away the nerves. You stood there for at least two minutes, the tiredness truly catching up to you now. You knocked on his door, three times, just like you used to. 

He appeared at the door a few seconds later, his hair messy and his clothes trussled. Clearly just woken, you felt a bit bad, but then again, he broke your heart. 

“Y/n?” He sounded so confused and looked almost more. It was enough to make you have to hide a giggle when he asked that. 

“Hi.” 

“Why are you here? You should be at home, asleep.”

That was less of a question, more of an annoyed statement. It got on your nerves quickly, who was he to refuse to talk? He had to have gotten home only ten minutes ago, he couldn’t have been that asleep. 

“Okay, you know I was trying to be nice. You broke me. I just needed to know why? The minute I finally started moving on, you showed up. You show up and ruin it all again. I finally went out for the first time since you broke up with me and then you had to come and find me. Why? It’s not fair I was finally getting somewhere, I thought tonight maybe I’ll finally get a good night's sleep.”  you slowly trailed off at the end your words becoming quieter from your original outburst. 

“A good night's sleep?”

“I haven’t slept in weeks, Nico.”

“You need to sleep.”

“I can’t!”

He looked confused again with your answer. Of course, he could sleep fine, but you got the shit-end of the break-up. You couldn’t do anything but Nico was playing fine and sleeping well. That’s what you thought, he was not as perfect as you thought, he could sleep though. 

“What do you mean you can’t sleep?”

“I haven’t been able to sleep since you broke up with me.” the words were mumbled and quiet, he barely heard them but they broke his heart.

“Baby-”

“No you can’t do this! I came to get closure! Not to fall for you again.”

“Come inside, please.” You shook your head, not trying to fall back into him. He didn’t take that as an answer, gently grabbing you and pulling you in. melting into his arms when he pulled you further into him to close the door.

“You need to get some sleep, baby.” he was quiet with his words, seeing the way your eyes were closed, leaning into him. 

"Please, hold me. I can't sleep without you anymore." 

He agreed, leading you to his room, just like before. He did pull you off him to hand you one of his t-shirts to sleep in, then turning to allow you to change. When you were done you fell onto his bed, curling into your regular spot, waiting for him to join you. His heart soared at the sight he’d been missing for weeks. He slid under the covers with you, letting you cuddle beside him, fitting snug against him. 

In the morning you woke up without Nico beside you, immediately causing you to panic. What if this was a huge mistake? What if he just thought you were really desperate now? 

Slowly you got up, walking to his kitchen, where you assumed he’d be. He was leaning against his counter, sipping a cup of coffee. 

“I made you a cup.” he said, pointing towards the steaming cup on the counter. You walked over to it quickly, taking a sip. The exact way you liked it, he’d remembered. 

“Thank you.” 

He just nodded, continuing to sip his coffee. It made the room tense and you very anxious. 

“Do you regret letting me sleep here last night?” The words made Nico choke on his coffee, not prepared for the question yet. 

When he stopped coughing, you rubbed his back to help calm him, he answered.

“No, not at all. That’s the best sleep I've had in weeks, since we broke up.”

The words shocked you, taking them in for a minute. He was quick to continue when you didn’t say anything.

“I regret breaking us up, I regret letting you leave that day. I should’ve tried harder”. 

“Nico, baby, it’s okay-”

“It’s not okay, I hurt you, so much. I was stupid i hurt both of us, you should cuss me out and never come back, but you came back. I swear if you’ll take me back, I’ll never hurt you again. I miss you so much, God I miss everything about you. Your kisses, your hugs, the way you hold me in your sleep.” there were tears in his eyes by the end of his rant, begging to take him back.

“Neeks, I love you.” you wiped away his tears. “Of course I’ll take you back babes.”

He was ecstatic when he heard the words, practically dropping his coffee to pick you up, spinning you around, peppering you with kisses. Your laughter filled the room, music to Nico’s ears. 

“God, I’ve missed that sound.” he mumbled, placing you on the ground and nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck. His scruff tickling your skins, making you giggle again, making him nuzzle more into you.

“Neeks!” you laughed, pulling away from him. He followed you back, leaning with you. 

The rest of the day was spent in bed together, catching up on the missed sleep, cuddles, and kisses. Sleeping the day away, only waking when there was knocking on Nico’s door. Nico slowly got up, complaining while he walked to the door, his slow pace giving you time to follow him. When he opened it, the boys waiting at the door were quick to push  they’re way in. gasping and grinning when they either saw or walked into you, like Jack. 

“What are you idiots doing here?” Nico’s voice was unimpressed, annoyed at his team’s unwanted arrival. 

“You wouldn’t answer your phone, you were scaring us!” Jack explained, making point of the fact Nico didn’t have his phone on. 

“Yeah probably because I was sleeping!”

“Sleeping with Y/N!” The boys were quick to put two and two together to get that conclusion and simultaneously start chirping him. 

“Shut up!” Nico finally yelled, bringing you to him to cover your ears before. 

“Now, if you’d leave so we can go back to sleep,” he shooed everyone to the door.

“We were going to go to a movie, did you want to come?” Dawson finally asked, revealing why they had been there in the first place.

Nico looked at you, you just shrugged your shoulders, letting Nico choose. 

“No, thanks though, now please leave.”

Nico was quick to close the door in their faces before turning back to you, picking you up and bringing you back to his room. He threw you onto his bed, sliding beside you right after, cuddling with you again, luring you back to sleep. 

[hyunjins-orange-slice-too]

my wittle pookie wookie bear

pairing: felix x reader

genre: angst? (happy ending) or maybe hurt/comfort?

word count: ~900

warnings: crying. i think that’s literally it.

masterlist

You watched the video again. He was laughing, while she was draped on his arm, smiling up at him. It was just a short clip, but he looked so happy with her. You didn’t even know who she was, but some stays online were wondering if she was in someway important to him romantically. No one knew about you. No one knew that he had a secret relationship and that’s the way you both wanted it. You didn’t think you could handle the backlash of being with him. Stays would never approve of you. The internet would tear you apart. They would never think you were good enough for him, and you had to agree. You pressed play on the video one more time, tears filling your eyes. You tossed your phone to the farthest corner of the bed, you needed it away from you, needed them away from you. You put your head in your hands and cried softly. You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that before you heard the door unlock.

"Baby, im home." Felix called from the entryway.

You could hear him hang his keys on the hook and take his shoes off. He went to the living room first, looking for you. When you weren’t there, you heard him head down the hall toward the bedroom. He softly opened the door.

"There you are angel." He said, smiling.

You looked up at him and your heart broke at his beauty. Of course you weren’t good enough for him, just look at him. He took in your puffy face, and tear stained cheeks before saying "love, what’s wrong?"

love

You scoffed. He didn’t love you. How could he?

"Why don’t you just leave me?" You asked. "You’d be happier with her, so why don’t you just go already?"

He was taken aback. "I’m.. sorry? What are you talking about?"

"Just leave, felix!" You yelled. "Leave." You choked on a sob and turned away from him. He reached for you, but you shrugged off his touch, unable to handle it at this point.

"Baby, where is this coming from? I’m not leaving you."

You sobbed harder into your pillow, breaths ragged and painful.

“angel..” he whispered, his heart shattering at the sound of your sobs, not knowing what was wrong or how to help you. he reached for you again and you let him. he crawled onto the bed and pulled your body flush against his. he could feel you trembling. he kissed your shoulder, rubbing his hands up and down your arms, trying his best to soothe you. “love.. talk to me.”

“don’t call me that.” you mumbled into your pillow.

“don’t call you what? love?” you nodded. “but that’s what you are. you’re my love. my everything. my only reason for everything that i do. you’re my life.”

you wiped at your tears, turning to face him. you looked up at his concerned face. seeing him through your bloodshot, watery eyes- he was a little blurry around the edges.

“would you rather me call you oxygen?” he asked. “you’re my reason for breathing. but it doesn’t have the same ring to it.”

he wiped some stray tears from your cheeks with his thumbs. “would you rather me call you pookie?” he chuckled a little. your lips turned up slightly at the corners. “my wittle pookie wookie bear.” he said in his most obnoxious baby voice, pinching your cheeks. you laughed at that.

“you’re crazy.” you said, voice still weak and watery.

he leaned in and placed a kiss on your forehead. “only crazy for you,” he said against your skin before leaning back and adding “pookie.”

you rolled your eyes at him, sniffling. he rolled over to his bedside table and grabbed a tissue. handing it to you he asks, “you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

“i saw a video online of you with a girl..” you told him. “you both looked so happy. and all the stays think that she’s your secret girlfriend or something and it got to me..”

“but angel, you’re my secret girlfriend.” he chuckled, brushing some hair out of your face and behind your ear. “and i promise you, you’re the only secret girlfriend or real girlfriend or imaginary girlfriend that i have. you’re it.”

“but i don’t deserve that.. im not good enough to be your girlfriend.” you admit.

“says who?”

you shrug. “all of the internet would say that if they knew about us.”

“the internet knows nothing about you. even if they knew we were dating, they don’t know the real you. they don’t even know the real me.” he tilts your chin up to look at him. his eyes are so beautiful, but a little glassy, he had gotten a little emotional while you were crying. “the only opinion that should matter to you is mine. and i love you with all of my heart. all of my soul. my entire being is just love for you. you are more than enough for me. too good for me in fact. how did i ever get so lucky?”

“really?” you ask, fresh tears brimming your waterline, but for an entirely different reason.

he leans in and kisses you gently. “i promise.” he says against your lips.

🚨reminder: this blog is 18+ only. i’ve been getting a lot of new followers (which i greatly appreciate) but if there’s no age identifier on your blog, i’m blocking you no questions asked. (for my own sanity and peace of mind.) ik some people don’t actually go to my page to read the warnings, so im going to start attaching a warning at the bottom of all my posts. thanks for understanding. 💕

[ru-fiction]

In Another Life

Peter B. Parker x GN!Reader

A/N: The story has small mentions of death, divorce, grief, and a little jealousy. 'Y/N' is used a bit. This is my first attempt at writing something like this.

🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️

Alright people let's do this one last time. My name is Peter B. Parker.

Peter places his Spiderman mask on his face before letting his body fall and catching himself with his web, gliding across the city.

I was bitten by a radioactive spider and for the last twenty two years, I thought I was the one and only Spiderman.

Peter sits on the edge of a building with a coffee in one hand and a newspaper in the other.

You see I saved the city.

Different instances of Spidey beating up different villains including Electro, Kraven and Juggernaut appear in a comic of his life.

Lifting or catching cars and buses.

Patrolling the city.

I fell in love.

Little moments of a younger Peter with his love, Y/N flashed in pages of the comic.

Their awkward moments of flirting with each other without trying to cross the line for fear of losing a good friendship.

The secret notes exchanged between classes as they walked past each other.

The middle school dance that they went to together.

The parties Y/N would invite Peter to only for the two to sneak off and have long conversations with the other until their respective family members called for them to come home.

Their first kiss and Y/N finally asking Peter out.

Y/N secretly finding out about Peter being Spiderman and waiting for him to tell them.

Peter finally telling Y/N and them stressing over his safety every night. Peter soothes their fears by video calling them as he swings across the city.

Peter making a huge deal out of his promposal and getting an excited yes in return.

The two graduating together and getting accepted into the same college.

The two moving into an apartment together and hosting weekly dinners with each other's families.

Peter smiles sadly at the memories.

I lost them....

One gruelling fight happened, a day that changed Peter's whole world. A friend of Peter's was corrupted by a symbiote. He tried to talk his friend down but he wouldn't listen.

Y/N and May ended up getting captured by him and Peter has to make a choice. He couldn't choose and Y/N paid the price.

Peter cried for days, he wouldn't eat, he couldn't sleep and if he did Y/N's face would appear reminding him of that night.

No one could console him and even though he was able to get his friend's mind back, a part of Peter could never forgive him for what happened to you.

I never truly got over it, my first love but I did try again.

An older version of Peter hanging upside down in his Spiderman costume kissing Mary Jane in an alley comes to mind.

I got married.

Y/N's family showed up to support him which he was happy about. Their guardian had given him a small smile as he placed the wedding band upon Mary Jane's finger. In the crowd he could have sworn he saw Y/N giving him a nod of approval. He wanted to cry.

Saved the city some more. Maybe too much.

Spider-Man fights off a few small criminals every night sometimes coming home later and later.

He'd come home to a cold dinner or his wife being asleep, sometimes he'd miss her altogether.

My Marriage got tested. I made some dicey money choices.

Peter invested money in crypto scams and a failed business much to the annoyance of Mary Jane and his wallet.

Fifteen years passed and during that time Peter broke his back, got hit in the face with a drone, buried his Aunt May next to his Uncle Ben and his deceased lover, divorced Mary Jane because he wasn't quite ready to completely move on from his past love and moved into a small, crappy apartment.

He would say he handled it like a champ but...

Peter would sit in the tub with the shower running and just cry his little heart out. He felt like he lost just about all the good things that he had.

Some days he would just lie in bed and stay there day in, day out because he couldn't find the motivation to do anything else.

Some days he'd hug a picture of Y/N and Him, other days he would mourn the loss of his marriage and some days he'd wish he had Aunt May there to help him. But every now and then he'd feel a presence near him like something was trying to console him.

Soon he started to binge eat to help the pain and sometimes he would go and visit his family wishing they were with him.

There were days where he would just take all his anger and frustrations out on petty thugs then there were days where he wanted nothing more than to hide himself away from the world.

Some days he would call Mary Jane but stop himself after the first few rings.

I'm pretty sure I broke her heart.

One day Peter was laying in his bed and eating a pizza when a purple and black wormhole appeared on his ceiling. Peter stands up, alert. Watching as the wormhole grows.

The next thing he knew his body was starting to glitch and the items in the room began to float. He tried to save himself but his web snapped as he was pulled into a portal leading to who knows where.

🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️

Elsewhere...

You sat down at a seedy bar with your head leaning on one hand and the other absentmindedly being used to stir a straw in your drink. You were dressed in a long sleeve red shirt and black jeans.

Next to you sat a couple who literally couldn't keep their hands off of each other. The couple being your blonde haired, blue eyed friend, Peter Parker and his redheaded wife, Mary Jane.

The two were celebrating their anniversary and had invited all their friends to come along and though You didn't want to come, one look into Peter's pleading eyes and you just couldn't say no.

After a while of being there everyone in the group had split up after realizing the couple was super into each other today. At the moment You was on your fourth drink, bitterly watching as the couple flirted with each other.

You couldn't figure out why Peter had wanted you to come so badly, if he was just gonna be all over MJ the whole time. It frustrated You to know that it wasn't that long ago that you were in MJ's place. That You were his and he was yours. Hell the only reason you guys broke up was because Peter wanted marriage and You didn't at least not at first but it was too late and now it felt like Peter was constantly throwing his new relationship in your face even if he wasn't doing it intentionally.

"Hey, Y/N!"

You blink finally coming out of the space you were in, the blonde smiles at them as he pulls MJ close to him and motions to the door.

"We're headed home. You need a ride?"

You shakes your head at his offer.

"I'm okay. I'll walk."

You turned to leave only to be stopped by a hand softly grasping your arm, You turn to face the couple with a sigh.

"You know I don't feel comfortable with you walking home alone."

Peter gives you a look of worry.

"At least let me walk you home."

"I'm fine."

"Y/N it's really dangerous out there just let me walk you home."

"Peter, Stop. I'm good."

Peter starts to hand MJ the keys to their home and places a small kiss upon her lips then turns to you with a smile, one that hurts to look at.

"It's nothing really. Your house isn't far from here."

You let out an annoyed groan before giving Peter a stern look.

"Maybe worry about getting your wife home safely than me. I can take care of myself, I was fine before you and I'll be fine without you."

Peter and Mary Jane looked at you with shock. You were even surprised by the words you said.

"Look, I just need some space."

You began to walk away needing to get away from them leaving Peter confused and MJ red faced with anger.

The walk to the house was a quiet and lonely one but You weren't so much as messed with. So that was good. You unlocked the door to your home before throwing the keys on one of the counters and locking the door. You let out a huge sigh and slid down the door, stuffing your face against your knees, taking a moment to sit in silence.

About two hours later your phone started to ring a familiar theme played out and a picture of Peter covered the screen. It rang for a while with you just watching the call end before Peter calls again. You let out another sigh and answer.

"Yes, Parker?"

He lets out a displeased sound at your use of his last name.

"Hey, where are you?"

Your brows furrowed at the sternness in his voice.

"At home."

"Why? We're supposed to be looking for King Pin right now.."

You sigh leaning your head back against the door. There was a moment of silence before Peter speaks again.

"I'm headed to this location. You better be there."

You phone chimes with a message and you hear a small sigh on the phone.

"Please. I need you."

You stood up and walked towards your room. You opened up your closet and pulled out the costume Peter made for you when you agreed to be his sidekick.

It was a skin tight white spandex suit with a red v necked vest, there were black straps around your arms and left thigh and to finish the look you added a pair of white fingerless gloves and black boots. You grabbed your laptop, a pair of binoculars and your trusty baseball bat before heading out the door.

—🕸️

The eyes on Peter's masks widened at the sight of you walking through the subway. He springs to his feet and moves to meet you in the middle.

"I didn't think you'd come."

There was a nervous tremble in his voice. You nervously tap the side of your laptop while staring at one of the walls but soon you turn your gaze towards him.

"What did you need me to do Parker?"

Peter lets out a frustrated groan as the two of you make your way deep into the subway.

"Stop doing that."

"Doing what?"

"Saying my name like that."

You knew that Peter could tell something was off. Other than the fact that you blew up on him, you've been being distant for weeks now.

"That's literally your name."

You smiled slightly at his little pout.

"Yeah but you only call me by my last name whenever you are mad at me."

There was a moment of silence between the two of you before Peter asked with a shaky voice.

"Are you mad at me? Have I done something to upset you or make you uncomfortable at all?"

You sigh for like the millionth time today and just give him a look of defeat.

"Now is not the time or place. Can we get this over with so we can go home and be done with today? Please."

With that said the two of you continue to make your way to your destination. The two of you found a section that was a little far off where you could put your computer.

"Okay. I've upgraded my software so that my computer can update us on their whereabouts."

You type a way at your computer, not noticing Peter nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

"About that. I need you to be lookout on this mission."

You turned to face him with a raised eyebrow, your arms crossing in front of your body.

"You better be kidding."

"I can't risk you getting hurt."

Your eyes darkened at his statement. How could he risk his life time and time again and expect you to just sit there and watch it happen?

"I'm not doing this today Peter. This is King Pin we're talking about."

"Exactly why I need you to stay here."

You jam your finger into his chest, anger flaring in your eyes.

"You've got to be out of your goddamn mind if you think I'm gonna let you risk your life alone."

Peter meets your glare with one of his own.

"Why? Why do you feel the need to fight with me on this?"

He makes a big gesture between the both of you.

"Because I lo-"

You let out a small breath both to stop yourself from finishing your sentence and also go calm yourself down.

"Because you're my friend. I don't want to see you get hurt."

"Fine, you win."

You were surprised that he gave up that quickly, Peter was usually stubborn. It honestly made you kind of suspicious of him. This was entirely too easy. But you shrugged it off and turned to grab your bat only for your feet to get trapped under thick web. You turned your head in Peter's direction to find him slowly backing away.

"I am so sorry. I know I told you to come but I can't risk you getting hurt.''

Your eyes filled with anger again as he turned to run off.

"Parker."

"I'll make it up to you."

-

After an hour of peeling the web from your feet, you ran to the facility that you and Peter had been tracking for weeks now.

There you found a teenage boy falling from a great height. You started to freak out trying to run to catch him but luckily Spiderman also noticed the kid and headed in his direction. He ended up grabbing the kid by his jacket and swinging him to safety. You let out a sigh of relief and stealthily made your way to where they were keeping a close eye on the goblin.

You climbed up the railing without Spiderman noticing. He swings away when you finally make your way to the top, standing behind the awestruck teen.

"He's amazing, right?"

"Yeah."

The kid jumps away after he realizes someone was behind him. You chuckle at his reaction.

"Relax. I'm with him."

You point at Spiderman and the kid instantly calms his nerves. That all goes away when a villain known as the Prowler comes out of nowhere and starts to fight Spiderman.

You didn't have any special powers so all you could was silently freak out from the sidelines as the kid pulled out his phone to record the encounter. You tap on your communicator when you notice something from the corner of your eye.

"Spiderman, Watch out!"

"Y/N?"

Right as Spiderman was about to fight back, out came the goblin catching him under his foot and licks him.

The two of you duck behind a canister and tap on your communicator again.

"Hey, are you okay?"

'Yeah, Yeah. Everything is fine.''

You give the canister a frustrated look at his obvious lie. All of a sudden the room starts to glow in a bright light. And Spiderman yells out trying to reason with the villains.

Soon a beam shoots out in the middle of the room. A big thing of rubble hits the surface that you and the kid were on causing you two to fall but the two of you were quick to catch yourselves on the railing. The next thing you knew the goblin was pushing Spiderman's face into the beam.

Then the whole thing exploded. The two of you somehow made it to the ground safety and you started to pull the kid to the exit.

"Wait! What about Spiderman?"

"I will come back for him. I need to get you out of here.''

-

"Peter!!"

You ran back in the direction you last saw him after making sure King Pin and gang was gone.

"Peter!!"

You started to get worried when you didn't get a response.

"Peter I swear if you're messing with me I'm gon-"

You stopped dead in your tracks when you saw him leaning against a rock all bloodied and bruised. You felt like your body was moving in slow motion as you ran towards his.

You fell to your knees and pulled his body against yours. His heart was beating slowly and his breath was ragged. You moved your eyes up to his face to find him smiling back at you with droopy eyes.

"Hey."

He whispered softly to you his hand moving to wipe the tears that were forming in your eyes.

"Don't cry. Please don't cry."

He could tell that you were tearing yourself up, there was a look of guilt in your eyes and your bottom lip started to quiver.

You shook your head and wrapped one of his arms around your neck and you placed one of yours around his waist getting ready to lift him.

"It's okay. Everything is okay. I'm gonna get you through this, we'll get you to a hospital and everything will be fine."

You were saying it more to convince yourself. Peter already knew he wasn't going to make it, he had made peace with it the moment you found him.

"Y/N, stop."

"It's fine. I-I'll call the ambulance and t-they'll meet us o-outside."

You go to stand up but Peter leans on you with so much wait that it pulls you down again. He pulls you into a hug staining your clothes with his blood. Though it hurt him, he wanted to feel you one last time. He started to rub the back of your head as your tears wet his suit.

"Look out for May and MJ for me okay."

You nod into his shoulder and your sniffles fill the air.

"Watch out for the kid. He's going to need the help."

You nod your head again pulling away so that you could look into his blue eyes one last time.

"Of course."

Peter moves to grab your cheeks, softly rubbing his thumbs over them.

"One more thing."

There was a look in Peter's eyes, one that you've seen plenty of times before. A look that he gave you when he had one thing to say.

"Don't. I can't take it if you say what I think you're about to say."

Peter pulls you closer so that your foreheads meet and places something into your hands.

"I love you."

Your lip trembled again, his heart was starting to slow to a stop.

"I never stopped loving you."

That was his last words before he went limp in your arms. Leaving you a crying mess.

A little while later you take the kid home and then make your way towards the Parkers' house. You give the door two knocks before MJ opens it. She frowns at your presence and a glare forms on her face but it quickly drops when she sees your expression. You gave her the Spiderman mask with a trembling hand and she quickly pulls you into the house where the two of you just sat on the couch and held each other.

🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️🕸️

[nightfang22]

Get Angry

As a special treat for my friend @p34ch-tr33 who always pulls out my best work! Enjoy!

TW:Angst,smut insinuation,alcohol,18+

A tear runs down my cheek as I blow out the last candle on the cake. 20 candles nearly completely melted, wax mixed with icing, I sat alone in the dark as I waited for him. He should've been here 5 hours ago. Kenny promised this year would be different. He promised. I scroll through my Snapchat just looking at people's stories and watching dog videos. I clicked on Stan's story expecting to see cute photos of Sparky or videos with Wendy. What I saw broke my heart. Stan's story was filled with nothing but videos of a party at Kenny's house. I could see Wendy and Bebe taking shots and Cartman and Heidi making out. Butters was hitting on some poor drunk girl in the corner and Kyle was playing video games. Craig and Tweek were watching Jimmy break dance on a cardboard box in the middle of the room. I choked back a hard sob stuck in my throat but ultimately I failed. Then I remembered what my father told me when I was little: Don't cry, get mad. And when you get mad, get even. I picked myself up and brushed myself off, tossing the ruined cake in the garbage before fixing my makeup. I grabbed my keys and sped off in my car to Kenny's house.

Ever since Kenny's dad got that oil rig job and is never home anymore, Kenny hasn't really been Kenny. We used to celebrate each other's birthdays together all the time when we were kids but he's missed the last couple of years. He always made it up to me in the end but this time he completely forgot and didn't invite me to his party! I'll show him. I pull into Kenny's driveway and get out of my car. I knock on the door but there's no answer. 'Maybe the music is too loud for them to hear anything else?' So I knock again but louder. Stan opens the door looking back over his shoulder laughing at something before turning his head to face me. His eyes widen in shock. "(Y/N), what are you doing here?" He has a glass in his hand that has a golden brown liquid in it. I relieve him of his glass and down it. 'Hm, Kenny's dad's Scotch from the fancy liquor cabinet.' "I just came to say hi to Kenny and to remind him of the date. You know, since he didn't invite me to his little shindig." I said through gritted teeth. Stan is just staring at me dumbfounded before saying, "What? Kenny told us you couldn't make it cause you were sick. Everyone was asking about you." I smile softly and hug him. That makes me feel a teensy bit better. "Thank you, Stan. Where's Kenny?" I ask, my voice now calm and soft. Stan steps aside to let me in and points over to his dad's recliner where Kenny is sat watching Kyle play Nintendo. I give Stan back the empty glass and march over to Kenny. I stand in front of him, blocking his view of Kyle's game. I see his eyes widen for but a moment before I kick him square in the junk. "KENNY MCCORMICK, YOU ARE THE WORST FRIEND AND BIGGEST ASSHOLE I'VE EVER MET AND THAT SAYS SOMETHING CONSIDERING WE'VE KNOWN CARTMAN OUR WHOLE GODDAMN LIVES!" I scream at him in front of everyone. He's not wearing his parka so I have a full view of his face and just how red his cheeks are from embarrassment. The music suddenly stops and the whole room falls silent as everyone has their eyes on us. "NOT ONLY DO YOU THROW A PARTY AND TELL EVERYONE I'M SICK BUT YOU FORGET MY GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY FOR THE THIRD YEAR IN A MOTHERFUCKING ROW, YOU PIECE OF ABSOLUTE DOGSHIT! I HOPE YOU GET TOSSED ONTO A PIKE YOU SON OF A BITCH! I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS BUT I THINK THAT KENNY KABOBS SOUND PRETTY GODDAMN GOOD RIGHT ABOUT NOW!" And I kick him square in the junk one more time. Just for good measure, of course. "Okay everyone, let the party continue! It is my birthday, after all!" I slit my eyes in Kenny's direction when I say the word 'birthday'.

     The music starts up again and everyone goes back to partying like nothing even happened. I walked into the kitchen to pour myself a heavy drink when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I roll my eyes sighing. Spinning around, I say "Kenny, I'm not sorry for kicking you in the balls and I'm especially not sorry for crashing your party, either." But when I spin around I am not met with blonde hair and blue-green eyes. I am met with messy black hair peeking out of a cute blue hat. "I'm not sorry you did either of those things, too. He really deserved it." It's Craig. I look up at his rather tall frame. Craig has towered over me since we were little. "Oh, sorry. I thought you were Kenny." He fakes being wounded in the chest. "Ouch, (Y/N). That bad, huh?" I could only laugh at his cheesy joke and brush his arm as I reply, "Nah, you're way cuter." His cheeks turn bright pink and that's when I notice Kenny watching out of the corner of my eye. I wrap my arms around Craig's neck and pull him in. We start to makeout and he has me pressed up against the wall. I break away only to pull him up the staircase to Kenny's bedroom. I open the door as Craig takes off his shirt. I turn to him as he pins me to the door, shutting it. He pulls my shirt off and unclasps my bra. He moves me to the bed and takes his hat off, placing it gently atop my head. Removing my skirt and undergarments, Craig kisses his way up my legs before he has me pinned beneath him. I never thought that my first time would be like this. As a revenge tactic with someone I didn't love. Especially not with Craig Tucker. He's leaning down to kiss me again when the door slams wide open. Kenny bursts through the door and pulls Craig off of me by the back of his head, slamming him into the wall. I jump up to my elbows. It appears that Craig is rendered unconscious. He's still breathing at least. I can see his chest moving rhythmically. I stare at Kenny as his head turns to me, his breathing hot and heavy. I can see why. He has a raging boner in his jeans. He pulls off his shirt and crawls on top of me. We make very intense and intimate eye contact for a few silent moments. "I'm sorry, (Y/N). I shouldn't have forgotten." I clear my throat. "Or lied to everyone about you being sick. Can you please forgive me?" Kenny gives me his best puppy eyes, the ones that always got me to do whatever he wanted when we were little and even still to this day. "Okay, fine. I'll forgive you." He smiled at me softly kissing me on the lips. "You weren't really about to give away what's mine to Craig, right?" I shake my head while giggling. He chuckles. "Good. Now let me give you your birthday gift." He strips his bottoms and I flip him over. "Let me." I whisper. I get real close to his face before I whisper, "Nice try, asshole." I sit back up and slap him across the face. "You could never have me no matter how bad you want me, McCormick." I spit in his face as I got up, Craig's hat still atop my head. I saunter over to the door taking a final turn to look at Kenny. "You'd just die on me anyways, you fucking flip phone." Those were the last words I ever spoke to Kenny McCormick as I left him laying there confused and sexually frustrated with his cock out in a room with an unconscious Craig.

Word Count:1,358

[demonbarbers]

ok i spent sunday drinking with oomfs and then monday mourning i’m Ready to Share what i can i remember from sunday

the energy was so electric! and not just for josh and annaleigh there was so much love in the room for everyone it was really beautiful

josh and annaleigh were, as always, on point but they were also just giving it their absolute ALL. final sequence was absolutely insane there was such a sorrow and fury to everything… i did cry

it looked like maria was crying during green finch which is a choice i’ve never seen her make so that made me emotional. ruthie also cried in character but in a place she usually doesn’t cry and that destroyed me

delaney westfall did a very funny “NOOOO” instead of her usual gasp during pirelli’s miracle elixir

nik chris was going the fuck off he brought the house down as pirelli as usual but he had such an intensity that night it was making me cry with laughter

after killing pirelli sweeney let out this like little pathetic heartbroken cry and josh usually does that but this one was the saddest noise i’d ever heard

right before pretty women when lovett is bringing toby into her back parlor annaleigh and daniel knocked the bench over and annaleigh had to fix it in character and it was hilarious and the audience ate it up

josh and annaleigh’s last a little priest… so funny so ridiculous annaleigh got on all fours and just moaned at one point and it made josh genuinely actually break which made her break. it was very sweet and the audience picked up on it and loved it

when sweeney and lovett kiss in by the sea people genuinely cheered and hooted and hollered it was so funny and Real

john rapson and annaleigh were going HAM during parlor songs. funniest they’ve ever been

josh’s final “BENJAMIN BARKER” was insane. and so hot

i just need to say it again again the final sequence from the minute anthony and johanna arrive at the shop to when sweeney dies it was just perfect. everyone broke my heart. it was so human.

jo shouts “NO” when she runs in on toby killing sweeney and i’m gonna be thinking about that choice for a very long time. maria was cooking with that.

also just wanna shout out daniel marconi! his physical intensity was insane. this was only my second time seeing him and ugh i really love his toby i’m so sad he’s leaving soon. he plays toby with a little limp and leans into the disabled young man characterization toby usually gets but does it with so much dignity.

ok parasocial corner time

when i tell you the entire ensemble was weeping during josh and annaleigh’s speeches… you can see in the video the sweeney insta posted that 3 of them are crying but it was truly the entire ensemble. i went back and watched my own video and it was just so moving to see the respect and love on display. there’s soooo much love in that company and you can really feel that in the bones of this production.

ruthie was running around taking pictures of josh and annaleigh during their final bows like a mom and it was so cute. love her

overall just so grateful i got to watch this production with this cast and make some wonderful friends through it :’)

[funfetticandle]

“so this is love?”

a/n: guess who broke their dominant arm in a basket ball accident and now has to type like a old grandma 😍😍 anyway have a yandere leo thingy that was in the drafts for like 35 years

who: yandere leo x captive reader

what: leo starts to question your love.

warnings: arguing, swearing, mentions of needles and weapons

“I never meant to ruin your life.”

His words are barely a whisper as you look at him, eyes blank with nothingness. His are filled with guilt, and regret can be seen swimming in the deep brown, the look of sorrow going around in circles as his brow bone lowers. Your eyes follow the action, glancing down at the chains bound around your wrist, scraping them raw and rusting the metal with blood.

You rattle them slightly, then look up at him again.

Leo swears his heart snapped in two in that moment.

He had ruined it all. You weren’t you anymore, he wasn’t him, and his brothers.. oh, his brothers.

The same brothers who had tears prick their eyes when they saw you whenever they passed Leo’s room, the same brothers who had pretended not to notice when you desperately called out to them to free you.

The red brother would sigh in shame when he reached his room.

The purple brother would try and play video games to get your sad, panicked face out of his head.

The orange brother would curl up and cry in his hammock.

And the blue brother would just sit back and watch it all.

Before, he watched with pride. You were only his now.

But now, he would purse his lips in shame. You were only his now.

Your eyes used to be filled with light and curiosity, with sun and passion. But as time went on, all the curiosity and passion and sun and light he loved so much disappeared, into nothing but a dark, blank space.

You didn’t try to fight back anymore. You rarely moved or talked, and wouldn’t eat or sleep. Just stare at the walls in eternal boredom.

He tried to convince himself it was just you giving into him, into loving him and accepting him.

But love doesn’t look like flinching away whenever he got close, or clenching your eyes shut when he knelt down to feed you. You didn’t love him. You were scared of him.

He sighed as he pushed himself off the wall where he was standing and walked over to you. You cast your gaze upon him, and Leo couldn’t tell if it was disinterest or pure disgust he was seeing.

“Why won’t you just love me?” he muttered, lifting your chin with his fingers, which you immediately shook off with a turn of your head. He felt frustrations rise inside of him.

“I’ve done everything i can to make you love me,” he states. “But it’s never enough. I’ve talked to you about your interests, i’ve fed you and hugged you, but you’re never pleased.” He narrows his eyes, crossing his arms.

You didn’t respond, only sighed through your nose. Somehow the action only made him angrier.

“Don’t give me that bullshit. I’m trying my best.”

Silence.

And then, you.

Your voice was hoarse and croaky, and almost to quiet for him to understand. “What?” He snapped.

You cleared your throat. “No, you aren’t.”

“Aren’t what?”

“Trying your best,” you said loudly.

Leo clenched his fists. “How could you say that? Of course i’m trying!”

Again, you sighed. Then looked at him again.

“Trying your best doesn’t look like this, Leo.”

He felt his heart race. That was the first time you’ve ever said his name in weeks. But, it quickly died down, being muffled out by anger. “Then what the hell is it supposed to look like?”

You say in silence for a few seconds, before you clenched your jaw, then suddenly your gaze snapped up to his. It was mirroring his own emotions, your eyes filled with anger. It was such a drastic change from the emptiness to hostility that was boiling that it caught him off guard. “It looks like what you were before,” you stated.

“Excuse me?”

“Before all this—” you waved your arms around, the chains rattling. “When I actually loved you back.”

His eyes widened at the statement as you continued. “For your information, Leo, love looked like when you visited me in my own home to hang out. It looked like when we went out together to have fun. It-” you inhaled, before your figure deflated. “It didn’t look anything like this at all.”

“I-” he began, before clenching and unclenching his fists. “I’m only doing this because I love you. Truly.”

“If you really loved me, you would’ve let me go.” You said, narrowing your eyes. “But i’m still here, aren’t I?”

“It’s not that simple!” Leo lashed out. “Im keeping you here to protect you, do you understand? I haven’t even hurt you the whole time you were here!”

“Oh yeah?” you asked, raising your voice. “How about the time you injected me with a needle to put me to sleep against my will? Oh, and how about the time you put a fucking ōdachi to my neck when I wouldn’t stop crying to ‘calm me down’? How about that, huh?”

“Those were just threats! I never actually went through to killing you!”

“You aren’t supposed to be threatening me if you love me, Leo!”

He opened his mouth to give another reason on why he wasn’t that cruel, when you interrupted him. “Just face it. I don’t love you anymore.”

Anymore.

The word broke his heart.

The silence in the room was deafening. Your infuriated face soon fell along with salty tears as you sunk to the ground, your shoulders shaking. Leo felt his own tears begin to brim his eyes, a lump growing in his throat. It wasn’t long until his vision got blurry and he lowered his body next to you. This time, you didn’t show any resentment.

Leo thought that night. He thought and cried next to you, and no words were exchanged. You missed the old him. He did too. You two were simply a pair of broken souls that had no way to get their own selves back. There was a point during the night where you turned to him, your eyes puffy from crying, and didn’t say anything. Just stared at him and his pathetic mess of a person. He had glanced at you, and felt like crying all over again. This wasn’t right.

He was meant to be a hero. Not this.

So, maybe, just one last time, he could fulfill a mission to save you again.

He didn’t miss the confusion on your face as he stood up and rustled in his drawers for a few moments. He didn’t miss the odd hopefulness in your eyes as he brought out a old rusty key and made his way over to you.

The sound of the locks and chains hitting the ground felt refreshing, somehow. Leo watched as you rubbed your bare wrists in relief, and looked up at him, eyes wide.

“Go,” he said softly.

“Where?” you questioned.

“Anywhere. Your home, a friends house, hell, maybe even another city. Just— just don’t come back. I’m sure you don’t want to anyway.” he chuckled the last part.

You got up slowly on shaky legs. He put a hand on your shoulder and guided you out the lair. He ignored the looks from his brothers, and helped you climb up the cold, metal ladder.

The cold New York breeze hit his face as he let go of your shoulder. You immediately took off, your bare feet slapping against the concrete. You paused and turned your head to face him for the last time. He only waved.

And with that, you were gone.

Who knew what you were planning to do. He didn’t, that’s for sure.

And on that night, the hero boy knew he did something right for once.

BOOM i know this sucks and is rlly short but like whatever ( i never write yandere so this is weird for me 😭)

[flowerandblood]

The White Flame (Part 3)

[modern! rockstar • Aemond Targaryen x fem!reader]

[warnings: kissing, sexual tension, mention of harassment, fluff]

[description: Aemond is the bassist of the band whose leader and vocalist is his brother. The whole band decides to use the marketing and design help of their guitarist's friend. The story is an interweaving of domination, desire and slowly burning feeling.]

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Previous and next chapters: Masterlist

_____

Aemond woke up after a few hours, the morning sun was shining all over the room. He rubbed his eye, not knowing where he was for a moment. He felt someone lying next to him, snuggled into his chest, and he saw Bunny's face.

She was asleep, her nose buried in his neck, her hand on his heart. His arm was put around her freely. He stared at her for a moment in silence, concentrating on how suddenly his heart sped up. He felt a tightness and heat in his lower abdomen.

After a while, he heard her start to wake up. She pulled away slightly, obviously wanting to figure out who she was lying with and what had happened. She saw his face and looked at him, frightened, her vision blurry. She looked around the room blankly, apparently trying to remember what she had done yesterday. Aemond stroked her back gently.

"Easy." He whispered to her and she swallowed hard.

"I don't remember anything." She mumbled in horror, looking at him again. "Did we…?" She asked, looking at him uncertainly, her voice caught in her throat.

Aemond shook his head slowly, stroking her further. He couldn't stop touching her. She sighed softly, relieved, and to his surprise, she returned to her previous position, burying her face in his neck.

"What happened to me? Did I drink that much?" She asked quietly, her voice clear of embarrassment. Aemond stared straight ahead, his face stony. He pursed his lips at the memory, but he knew he had to tell her. The police will probably need her and everyone else's statements.

"Larys put a date rape drug in your drink." He spoke softly, his voice expressionless. He felt her shiver at his words and inhaled sharply. “But I slammed his head on the table before he could really do anything to you. I saw him groping you under the table."

They lay in silence for a moment. He felt something wet on his neck, heard her ragged breathing, drowned out by a runny nose from crying. She snuggled closer to him, and he moved his hand from her back to her soft hair, threading his fingers through it and combing it steadily. He didn't know what to say. He wondered if she would ever want to stay with them at any parties again.

They broke apart and stood up quickly when they heard someone open the door in the hallway. After a while, Cregan appeared in the room.

For an hour, he, Bunny, Aemond, and Momo, who had been awakened by the commotion, talked about what had happened. Cregan told Bunny that the police thought the video was strong enough evidence to charge his brother. He said she had to think about whether she wanted to press charges and go to court.

“My father made the decision on his own to send him to therapy. But no one can force a grown man to do anything. Only a court verdict could incapacitate him and put him in some psychiatric facility.” He said low, there were big bruises under his eyes, you could see that he had not slept all night and was very upset about this matter.

He added that she doesn't need to rush the decision and should think it over calmly, and that he and his father will support her fully on the matter.

After a while, Aegon entered the room, with a gigantic hangover, greeting everyone cheerfully. Seeing the faces of everyone and the pale Bunny flooded with tears, he looked at them in surprise and asked what had happened.

No one had the strength to repeat the whole thing to him, so finally Mathilda briefly explained to him what had happened. Aegon, horrified and disgusted, completely in shock, sat down quickly beside Bunny and hugged her tightly.

"Bastard." He said holding her in his arms and kissed her hair. Bunny wrapped her arms around his waist, staring blankly ahead. Aemond stared at the scene with an expressionless face. He took his pack of cigarettes out of his pants, took one out, and lit it with his lighter. He exhaled smoke silently through his nose.

Everyone agreed that Bunny needed time off, so she didn't appear at their place for a week, really only contacting Momo. Everyone felt that although the situation in the band was correct, recent events meant that no one was in a very good mood. They didn't argue either, but they didn't stay after rehearsals to talk and drink as they usually did.

Aemond, though he tried not to, kept returning his thoughts to her. Or rather, how they lay together. How surprisingly comfortable he felt then. He never allowed women to spend the night at his place. He had trouble sleeping anyway, let alone a stranger by his side.

Aemond was not the social media type. In fact, he only started his Facebook and Instagram accounts because Aegon forced him to. He only needed to view other people's stories or group chats, but his profile picture was just a black circle. Apart from what band he belongs to and his date of birth, there was no more information.

He wondered if Bunny had an Instagram account. He only followed the band members. He was able to easily find her through Momo's account and their photos together. Bunny's profile was surprisingly extensive. She had lots of funny pictures, apparently taken of her by Mathylda with her own Instax.

In one of them, she stood with her eyes closed against a dark, night background, in a T-shirt with Bunny form Sailor Moon. She had her hand behind her head with two fingers in a victory gesture, which was probably referring to the coincidence of her and the heroine's nicknames on her clothes.

For some reason, the corner of his mouth twitched in amusement at the sight. His sister watched this anime non-stop when she was little, constantly screaming that she was Sailor Venus.

Suddenly, in one of the photos, he noticed his guitar. When he looked more closely, he saw that although his face was was cropped, it was a picture of him sprawled out on a bed, probably just tuning a guitar, wearing a black leather jacket and pants, a silver cross hanging from his chest.

The only thing that was written in the post description was #mood. For some reason, he felt a pang of satisfaction at what he saw. Even though he never did, he liked her post.

He scanned her wall further, curiously looking at her other photos, designs and illustrations. Her entire profile was very colorful and cheerful. After a while, he got a notification that she wrote him privately on Instagram. He clicked quickly, feeling the sudden excitement.

bunny_moon: "Sorry I didn't ask you if I could post this picture. If you want, of course I'll delete it."

Aemond thought for a moment about what to say. After a while, he slowly tapped words on the phone.

aemt_wf: "You don't have to. My face isn't on it."

He finally answered and pursed his lips. He struggled with himself whether to add anything. He saw that she had viewed his message, but had not responded. He couldn't stop himself.

aemt_wf: "How are you feeling?"

He saw her display the message. After a while, three moving dots appeared, which indicated that she was texting something.

bunny_moon: "Better, thank you. I have already started working on the cover of your new album and its entire visual identity for your concerts. I'll try to come on Wednesday and show you everything."

Aemond looked at her answer thoughtfully. He wondered why she always spoke to him so matter-of-factly. He knew he wasn't the most talkative type of person, but he felt that she always blocked out around him, choosing only those words she clearly thought would be important to him. He had no idea how to change it.

aemt_wf: "I'm glad."

He replied, not knowing what more he could add. He felt his heart beat faster as he saw her writing more. It took a moment, and he wondered if she was writing a long message or if she hesitated.

bunny_moon: "I didn't get to thank you for what you did for me. I don't want to think about what Larys might have done to me if it wasn't for you. Thank you for staying with me then. You don't even know how much that means to me. I'm sorry I couldn't show you my gratitude better. I know you don't like such expressions and sweet words, but I wanted you to know that."

Aemond stared at what she wrote, surprised. Slowly he began to understand what she might mean. Watching his interactions with other girls, she might have gotten the impression—and she was right—that he didn't care what they felt or what they had to say.

The truth was, he had no interest in them other than to give him purely physical relief. He wasn't proud of it, but he didn't want to feel guilty either. He never used or lied to any of them.

However, in the case of Bunny and Momo, or his sister, what they said, even though he might not show it, mattered to him. He valued their opinion and didn't want to hurt or take advantage of them in any way. They were part of the group and he treated them as equals. But probably in Bunny's eyes, they were in the same line as the girls who lined up in front of him to fuck him after concert.

He thought for a long moment what to write.

aemt_wf: "I don't like the appearance of strangers I don't know, who think I want to listen to them. You're not one of them, so don't think about it that way."

He wrote at last. He stared tensely at his screen, seeing that she had displayed a message but had not responded. After a few minutes he thought she would end the exchange here, but suddenly a new message popped up.

bunny_moon: "I'm very happy then. Have a nice day, Aemond. See you on Wednesday!"

aemt_wf: "See you."

***

When Bunny came to their rehearsal on Wednesday, everyone seemed to have suddenly regained their sense of humor and joy. Momo hugged her tightly. Even though they had been seeing each other in the meantime, her coming here was a return to normal life.

Cregan picked Bunny up in his arms and spun her around. Aegon hugged her tight as well. Bunny looked at him timidly at last. Aemond held out his hand to her, and she rushed over to him and practically threw herself into his arms.

He hugged her tightly and buried his face in her hair. Her scent filled his lungs again, his body reacting immediately with the tightness in his pants after all this time apart.

She lifted her face and looked at him with a wide, warm smile. He fought with himself not to kiss her in front of everyone. She pulled away from him and went back to talking to the others.

She showed them the cover design for the new album, it was called "Thorns without a rose" and Mathylda came up with it. They named one of their lead singles that way.

The cover was a cut rose, with only its stem and thorns on a black background. It was complemented by pretty, delicate typography. The whole project looked strong and sentimental at the same time.

"I like it." Aemond said, and she gave him a warm look. Aegon wondered aloud if it wasn't too polite after all, if there shouldn't be blood on the thorns, or if there shouldn't be a crown of thorns.

Bunny was afraid of the religious reception and message, but she thought that a drop of blood on one of the thorns might appear.

After rehearsal and consultation, they decided that they would go out to eat together. Bunny went to the restroom and the rest began to slowly pack their instruments and disconnect the music equipment.

Aemond looked down the corridor into which she had disappeared. After a moment's thought, he put down his guitar and walked in that direction. He was waiting for her at the door.

As she left, she only smiled at him, wanting to walk past him, thinking that he just wanted to go inside after her, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him with a quick movement, so that she bumped into him. She was ashamed and wanted to pull away from him, but he wouldn't let her. He wrapped one arm around her, the other grabbing her cheek.

"I missed you." He whispered what had been on his tongue for the last three hours. He felt his heart pounding. He didn't want her to run away. He wanted her closeness.

Bunny stared at him with wide eyes, her mouth parted helplessly. She shivered at his words and drew in a quick breath, tensing, her cheeks blushing. She looked him straight in the eye, apparently wordless.

He stroked her cheek steadily with his thumb. He shivered as she placed her hands on his chest. She must have felt his heart pounding, because she blushed even more.

"I missed you too." She spoke helplessly and quietly so that he barely heard it. She looked at him with a mixture of fear, pain, and pleading. He pulled her even closer to him and leaned over her. He gave her a moment to object, then leaned lower and brushed her lips with his.

She shivered and inhaled sharply, but didn't move an inch. He did it again, harder this time, pressing his lips against her bottom lip, and she moaned softly. He felt a shiver run through him, his cock throbbing harder in his pants.

He grabbed her neck and pressed his lips against hers, murmuring low as she finally opened her mouth to him. He kissed her greedily and hungrily, as if he was afraid that this was the first and last time she would let him get so close.

One of her hands gripped his shirt tighter and the other tangled in his hair, pulling him closer to her. He moaned into her mouth, feeling waves of pleasure pass through him as their wet lips sucked, squeezed and caressed each other, their tongues touching once in a while, causing both of them to shiver in pleasure. They broke apart when they heard someone coming. Mathylda glanced at them, clearly impatient.

"Can we go now?"

_____

If you want to be tagged, leave a comment below. ♥

@zenka69 @melsunshine @opheliaas-stuff @chainsawsangel @iiamthehybrid @astral-blossoms @echos-muses @wintrr13

[shaunashipman]

For the hc thing (is basically a ff idea but English is not my first language and I’m not skilled enough to actually write it): they both fall hard and fast, but they are scared to admit it. At some point -I’d like to say a few years, but with 911 you never know lol- they both decide they want to propose, so they both buy a ring without telling anyone (Tommy would like to tell Eddie or Maddie, but at the same time he is terrified by the thought that one of them is going to tell him that this is moving too fast, that Buck isn’t actually so invested in their relationship and such). And the problem is… they do romantic things all the time. Tommy gives him “flying lessons” on regular basis, they go to the beach to watch the sunset and so on. So they both have no idea how to actually ask and tbh they are both scared because yes, they live together and they say “I love you”, but what if…?

Until one night Tommy comes back from a shift and it was a long one and he is exhausted and he just want to sleep and cuddle the love of his life and Buck is not even looking at him, but he greets him with his soft voice and he is cooking dinner and Tommy can see that there are fresh flowers on the table and he can’t have another minute without being engaged to this man.

So he falls on his knees and Buck turns around and he poops the question right here and Buck looks at him panicked and just screams “No!”

Tommy looks at him and gets up and Buck can see the way his heart broke and he leaves the room without a word and Tommy doesn’t even know what’s going on, just that his heart is scattered in a million pieces.

Until Buck comes back in a hurry and falls on his knees (on his bad knee, for the love of god) and shows him the ring and asks him the question right the back.

In the end, they’re idiots and they love each other very much, thank u bye

(Really hope it makes sense in a way, these two live in mind rent free😭)

yessss double proposal, that video of the two girls was so cute 🥰

all the comedy, they can't figure out how to propose, and then whenever one of them comes up with something it somehow gets interrupted, like eddie runs into them and accidentally starts 3rd wheeling it, not getting any of the unsubtle hints, or some emergency happens right there and they have to jump into first responder mode

i wouldn't want buck to just leave him immediately to run get the ring, that just feels a little too hurtful even if it's only for a second.

i'm picturing: buck turns around and sees tommy on his knees about to pop the question, blurts out "wait, wait!!" and tommy freezes, not sure if that's in response to him or if something else just happened, not helped by buck rushing past him out of the kitchen, running back in to kiss him hard on the mouth and running back out again, confusing the fuck out of tommy, then finally runs back in an drops to his knees (fuck his bad knee, his fiancé can help him massage it out later) and they're both laughing and crying, trying to say the words at the same time, fumbling to slip the rings onto each other's fingers

then they fuck over the kitchen counter so they can link their left hands together and stare at their rings

(p.s your english is great, this made perfect sense)

[cardinal-copia-popia]

We Will Go Softly Into the Night

(Papa IV x Female Reader)

After getting super emotional during Respite On The Spitalfields at the ritual I attended over the weekend, I NEEDED to write this. For my own sanity's sake, I needed to do this. It was cathartic, even though I'll probably never be able to listen to Respite ever again without crying.

Also here on AO3

(Under the cut for length)

Sister Imperator had just left Copia's room not five minutes ago when he suddenly heard a commotion outside. Could he not just play his video games in peace for once? 

"I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it!"

"Like hell, he didn't!"

Copia frowned, pausing the game. He was not expecting to hear your voice, especially not so agitated. He was about to stand to see what was going on when you flew into the room, tears standing in your eyes, Aether hot on your heels. 

"Amore?" Copia questioned, now very concerned.

"Why is Saltarian pushing an empty glass coffin through the hallways?!" you demanded.

Copia looked down. "Ah. You saw that."

"Everyone is seeing it. He's making a point to parade it around! I know what this means, Copia! How long were you going to hide it?!"

He stood and stepped up to you, sending a look at Aether, who made a hasty retreat.

"I was not hiding anything, tesoro mio," Copia said gently, his hands on your upper arms. "Saltarian is posturing, nothing more."

You did not look convinced and all but glared up at him through your tears. "The coffin was empty. And they only use the glass ones for Papas. I'm not stupid, Copia."

"I am not going anywhere. I promise."

You shook your head. "I know how this goes. You're going to end up just like Primo and Secondo and Terzo… Someday, I'm going to be looking at you in one of those awful boxes, and I—" You broke off, your voice catching with emotion as your tears finally fell.

Copia pulled you into his arms and gently shushed you. "I promise you, cara mia. Nothing is going to happen to me."

"I don't believe you."

He closed his eyes and nuzzled into your hair. You were right; something was going to happen, but how could he tell you that? He knew his time was up. It was not a matter of if anymore, but rather when. He had a good idea, knowing The Clergy would want to make a show out of it, a spectacle. The bastard Papa who usurped the papacy meets his untimely demise in front of thousands. But how was he supposed to tell you, the love of his life, this?

"If anything happened to you…" you began in a small, broken voice that gripped his heart. "I don't think I could stand it."

"What must I do to convince you?" he murmured, his hand touching your cheek to tilt your face toward his.

You gazed up at him, cheeks stained with tears, eyes red, and he could not help but think you were still so beautiful.

"Don't die."

Copia sighed, but before he could respond, you went on.

"Whatever they do to you, they're going to have to do to me, too."

"Amore—"

"I mean it!" you sobbed. "I can't do this without you! I won't let them take you from me!"

Copia pulled you back onto his bed and into his lap, cuddling you close. You curled around him, pressing your face to his neck, breathing him in.

"You haven't lost me yet," he whispered. "And I promise you, amore mio, that if they do try something, I will fight tooth and nail against it. I swear to you, you will not lose me. You have me forever."

You sniffed. "What about nothing ever lasts forever?"

"My time as Papa will not last forever, but my love for you will. And because of that love, I will always be with you."

"Copia," you cried, clutching to him tighter.

"You have given me so many reasons to live. I will not let them take me away from you so easily."

You lifted your head and touched his cheek. "Promise me again."

He caught your hand and kissed your palm. "I promise. Whatever happens, you will not lose me. Not entirely."

That was not quite what you wanted to hear, he knew, but before you could respond, he kissed you. He kissed you so thoroughly and passionately, hoping to make you forget about this for a while.

And later, when you both lay naked under his covers, spent and panting, clinging to each other for dear life, Copia would promise you again. He would not stop until you believed him.

***************

Copia swiftly made his way through the maze of hallways backstage, hurrying to get to where you were waiting for him. He had to do this quickly. If there was anything to be done now, it was this.

He found you in the wings where you were waiting for the ritual to begin. He grabbed your hand, startling you, and pulled you into a more secluded area, away from any prying eyes and listening ears.

"Copia?"

He swept you up into a kiss, pouring his love into it as best he could, knowing he was about to irreparably hurt you and break his promise. When he broke the kiss, there were tears in your eyes. You knew. You knew what was coming.

"No matter what happens," he began, his tone serious, "no matter what you see tonight, promise me something, amore mio." 

"What? What do you mean? What's going to happen? You're scaring me, Copia!" 

"Promise me!" he demanded, perhaps a bit too forcefully.

"I-I promise." 

Copia nodded and pressed a note into your hands. "Promise me that no matter what occurs tonight, you will do exactly as this note says." You began to open it, but Copia quickly stopped you. "No, not now. Wait until you are alone." 

"Copia, please, don't—" 

He gently shushed you, taking your face in his hands and kissing you sweetly, his thumbs catching the tears that fell. "Now, now… None of that, amore. You'll be strong for me, sì?" You blinked, more tears falling, but you nodded. Copia smiled warmly at you, though it was tinged with sadness. "Bene. Now, I must go. And remember the note! Please, cara mia, it is important you do not forget." 

"I won't."

He hesitated for a moment longer, gazing at you, memorizing your face. "I love you."

Your bottom lip trembled. "I love you, too, Copia."

He felt tears sting his eyes, absolutely hating to do this to you. He pulled you in for another kiss, trying not to think about how final it felt. The last time before it's over….

With great effort, Copia pulled away and walked backward away from you, keeping you in his sight for as long as he could before he finally had to turn and hurry away, carefully brushing his tears away lest he ruin his paint.

"Did you say goodbye?" 

Copia stopped, not looking at her, his shoulders tense and his eyes downcast. Sister Imperator being here only confirmed everything. She had to make sure everything went according to plan. 

"Sì." 

"How did she take it?" 

He shot a glare at his mother. "How do you think? If your intent is to devastate her, this will do it. And do not be surprised if she—" His voice caught as the reality of what he was about to say hit him like a ton of bricks. "Do not be surprised if she wants to follow me." 

"Oh, I'll be keeping an eye on her, don't you worry, C. From now on, she'll hardly be leaving my sight." 

Copia frowned. Did she know? How could she? Unless… He looked up and saw his ghouls gathered ahead of him, waiting and watching. Surely not. 

"The masses are waiting for you, C," the Sister continued. "Don't keep them waiting too long. After all, the show must go on." 

Copia refused to look at her and stalked toward the ghouls. They said nothing, only stared at him, waiting for their cue to head out on stage. 

"Let us get this over with," he growled to them, determined to give the masses the best damned show ever.

*****************

You waited a few moments after Copia left to collect yourself as best you could. But no matter how many deep breaths you took, you still felt like you were on the verge of a breakdown. No matter what he said, you knew this was it. He would not be able to stop it. Copia was only one man against The Clergy. And no one went against The Clergy and won.

With shaky hands, you unfolded the note, already feeling your heart seize upon seeing Copia’s all too familiar handwriting.

Amore mio, 

Whatever you see tonight, for your safety and the safety of the little life growing inside you, you must not ask any questions. There is nothing else to be done. What happens must happen. It is the order of things. But there is one other thing I beg of you to do, cara mia. At the end of the ritual, go to the exit on the farthest side of the venue and make sure you are not followed. Perhaps it is a selfish request, but you will understand when the time comes. For me, amore mio. Do this one last thing for me because where I am going, you cannot follow. And please know that everything I am doing is to keep you safe. 

I love you. Never forget that.

Eternally yours,

Copia

That only confirmed everything. This was well and truly the end. Tonight, you would witness your love’s death, and you could do nothing about it.

You watched the man you loved pour his heart and soul into his performance as only he could, the crowd going absolutely wild with each song played. You had been to every one of Copia’s rituals, but this was hands down the best one ever. He and the ghouls were so in sync. It was glorious to see, and it nearly made you forget about what was about to happen. Nearly, but not completely.

You had no idea how it would happen, so after his speech about not mourning something you will lose, enjoy it while it’s here, and launching into Respite On The Spitalfields, the dread set in full force. You were tense, hardly even paying attention to Copia, looking around to try to figure out how it was going to be done.

It all ended up happening so fast that you barely comprehended it. Between the ghouls suddenly moving, cutting the song short, and the screams of the audience, all you could see beyond the fog machines was a blur of movement. Panic gripped you, and your instinct was to run out to help Copia, but fear kept your feet firmly in place. Because you were so close to the stage, you could hear the vicious snarling from the ghouls but never a sound out of Copia. Dewdrop emerged first, stumbling back to reveal his blood-covered hands. That was when the screaming turned into actual terrified ones. 

The stage crew rushed out, trying to stop the ghouls, but it was too late. The fog cleared away, and there laid Copia’s body, his clothes shredded and stained with blood. Perhaps mercifully, you could not see his face from your vantage point, but it did not matter. Hot tears streaked down your face as you took in the sight before you. It felt like your heart was being ripped from your chest.

You began to collapse, a heartbroken wail tearing past your lips as you felt your world crumble, but two strong hands caught you before you could hit the ground. You began to be moved, pulled, and you fought against it with everything you had in you, desperate to get to Copia, begging them not to take you away from him. 

“Can’t do that, Mama. Besides, Papa told you to leave.”

Aether.

Aether was the one pulling you along, taking you away from the macabre scene. Part of you cursed him. If Aether had been there, none of this would have happened. He would not have let it. He could have stopped them. Is that why Sister Imperator had him replaced?

Aether led you around the perimeter of the venue, taking his time to make sure no one saw you, and out to a secluded driveway. A black car was parked a little ways away, and a man stood nearby, his back to you. He was speaking to a ghoul who had a hood over his head, shrouding his face in shadow, so you had no idea who he was. The ghoul seemed to take notice of you and alerted the man.

As soon as he turned, you felt your knees start to give out, and a body-wracking sob left you. Aether grabbed you so you did not fall.

There before you stood Copia, his face completely free of paint and dressed casually in jeans and a black button-up, making him totally inconspicuous, like just another ritual attendee. And he was totally fine. There was no blood anywhere, no signs of anything that had occurred on stage. He was alive and well before you and hurrying to your side as fast as he could.

"Oh, amore," he breathed, pulling you into his arms.

You could not control your sobs, torn between disbelief and relief. He held fast to you with one arm around your waist while his other hand cradled the back of your head. You clung to him so tightly that you were likely leaving bruises.

"I-I don't understand," you cried. "I saw you! I-I saw—"

Copia shook his head and leaned back enough to pepper your face with kisses. "You saw what needed to be seen. What Sister Imperator expected. My death. My mother had her plans, but I had mine as well." You still did not understand. Copia took your face in his hands. "She wanted me dead, and so I am dead. As far as anyone within the ministry is concerned, I was murdered on stage. She tasked my ghouls with this, but what she does not know is that they are entirely loyal to me."

"So it was all fake?" you asked, your brain struggling to keep up.

"Sì. I am so sorry, amore mio. Everyone had to believe I was dead —even you. But I am selfish. I needed to see you one last time before I left." He caressed your cheek, and you turned into the warmth of his hand, basking in it. "I could not hurt you that way, thinking you had watched me die. But now, I must leave. I must go far away from here."

"Take me with you!" you cried. "Don't leave me— us here alone!"

Copia dropped a hand to your abdomen. “You will be much safer at the Abbey, I assure you. If anyone finds out I am still alive, they will come after me to make sure the job is properly done. You being with me will only put you in danger.”

“I don’t care! I want to go with you! You promised.”

He hung his head, his expression greatly troubled. "I suppose I did. Amore, I cannot stomach the thought of putting you in danger."

"I'm making this decision, Copia," you said firmly, though your voice shook, and clutched the front of his shirt. "I'm going with you."

"You'd better let her come with us, Papa," Aether said.

You glanced at him. "Both of you?"

Copia nodded. "With his involvement in helping me escape, Aether is not safe either. Therefore, he must leave, too." He then sighed. "And so are you, cara mia."

You stared up at him. "You mean it?"

He wrapped his arms around you securely, a look of determination crossing his face. "I do. Absolutely. I want you forever at my side."

More tears filled your eyes. "That's the only place I've ever wanted to be. But where will we go?”

“There is a little place in Italy. I have… friends there.”

You were dubious. “You trust these friends?”

Copia smirked a bit. "With my life."

"Then let's go! Together. The way it should be."

"Sì, amore, the way it should be."

He led her to the car and got in the back with her while Aether got in the front with the other ghoul. You still had no idea who they were, but it did not matter. The only thing that did was the man beside you that let you cuddle up to his side so he could hold you close. Copia repeatedly pressed tender kisses to your face, catching the occasional tear with his lips. When your hand was not resting over his heart to feel its steady beat, your fingers traced over his face, memorizing each line and curve, basking in how alive he was.

“What will they think happened to me?” you asked quietly after a long while.

Copia shrugged. “The truth. You followed me.”

You swallowed hard. “You mean… they’ll all think I’m dead, too.”

Copia obviously did not like this, but he nodded. “Sì. It must be this way. So long as I am alive, I am a threat to them. You carry my heir, cara mia. The Clergy would not let you go so easily if they knew. You would be protected, sì, if you stayed, but if you leave… I worry what they might try to do. A child with claims to the papacy they had no hand in raising…”

You sat up suddenly, your hand pressed to his chest. "I have to go back to the Abbey. Just to grab some things."

"What? No, cara, it is too dangerous!" Copia exclaimed.

"Please, Cope!"

"I can get her in and out without being seen," Aether said from the passenger seat.

Copia looked between him and you, debating. "Fine. If we go now, perhaps we will beat everyone back. But please, amore, do not dally there. If you are caught, you must stay, and I must go on."

You nodded and kissed him briefly. "I understand. Thank you."

He kissed your forehead as you settled against him again. "Do not thank me yet."

"I was more so thanking you for letting me go with you." You pressed closer to him. "I would have followed had I known you were alive. I wouldn't have stopped until I found you."

Copia sighed. “I know. As you say, we will go together, amore mio, softly into the night.” 

******************

It was evening the next day when you pulled up to a secluded entrance to the Abbey you did not even know existed. But, perhaps that was by design. Either way, Aether led you through the Abbey, taking paths to avoid anyone and doubling back if he heard anything suspicious ahead.

You were just about to head up the stairs to the papal suites when Aether stopped short and threw an arm out to stop you.

There on the steps stood Dew.

Aether stepped in front of you, blocking you just in case the fire ghoul tried anything. But all Dew did was stare back for a long moment. 

“You’re lucky I saw you,” he finally said. “This way, before Sister Imperator comes back.” 

Aether glanced back at you, giving you a warning look. Stay behind me. You were not going to go anywhere else, anyway. 

Dew led you the rest of the way to the suite and let you inside. There were only a few things you needed to grab. Perhaps it was stupid and selfish to come back for these, but these were mementos from your past, both from your family and from your time with Copia. You hated the thought of losing them forever.

As you grabbed a suitcase to put them in, you looked back toward the door just in time to see Aether grab the front of Dew’s shirt and slam him up against the wall. You continued gathering your things as you listened to them.

“You better not be setting us up,” Aether growled.

“Do you really think I’d hurt her?” Dew asked, nodding toward you. “Or you? Or Papa? None of us would! The plan went perfectly!”

"You sure seemed to relish what you did on stage."

"It had to be believable! Everyone had to believe we killed Papa."

"What did they threaten you with?" Aether asked in a low voice, letting Dew go. "The Clergy knows how loyal ghouls are to their Papas. What were they going to do with you if you refused?"

"Banish us back to Hell, what else?" Dew shook his head. "And not back to our respective realms."

Aether shook his head. "I wish I understood why they were doing this. Why they wanted to get rid of Papa in the first place.”

"He was becoming too well-liked, loved. With the masses behind him, they worried they were losing their power over him. Out of any of the Papas so far, Copia had the greatest advantage to end them." 

"And he still does! If Copia ever decides to come back…"

Dew nodded. "That will be the end of The Clergy."

Aether was about to respond but quickly turned toward the door. Before either ghoul could react, the door slammed open.

Sister Imperator stood there, looking at both ghouls before cutting her eyes over toward you. "Going somewhere?" she asked calmly.

"I, um…" you began.

She walked up to you, her eyes never leaving you. You stared back, refusing to waver no matter how much she intimidated you. The pair of you simply stared at each other for a long while before she finally spoke.

"Take care of him."

You blinked. She knew? Your confusion must have been extremely obvious.

"He's my son. Do you really think I wanted him dead?" she asked. "But no one crosses The Clergy. Not even me." She looked back at the ghouls and then nodded to your suitcase. "Come. We'll need to hurry. I assume you came in the back way?"

"Yes," Aether replied.

The Sister nodded and led them out. Aether grabbed your bag, and you numbly followed them out. Could you really trust Sister Imperator? If she knew Copia was not dead, what if she happened to let it slip?

As you passed by a frosted window, you heard a squeak. There sat Rigatoni on the windowsill. As you walked by, you held out your hand, letting the rat climb up your arm to settle on your shoulder. Copia would be happy to see him again and to be able to take him along, too.

As you stepped out into the moonlight, the Sister stopped short, staring at the car parked there.

Copia stared out of the car's open window at his mother. She nodded at him, a look of understanding passing between the two. Copia nodded back and rolled up the window.

"Take care of him," she said again to you, her voice trembling ever so slightly, her eyes never leaving the car. "And take care of my grandchild."

"I will, Sister. I promise." 

She looked at you, and you could see tears shining in her eyes. "If there's ever a chance, ever a way…" She sighed. "Some day, I hope to see you again."

You nodded. "Some day."

She swallowed hard and took a step back. "Go. Start your new life. We’ll manage here."

"Goodbye, Sister."

She did not say anymore but stood and watched as you drove off, disappearing into the night.

****************

Copia held your hand the entire car ride to the airport, the entire flight, and the whole car ride out to the Italian countryside. You watched out the windows in awe, having never been to Italy before. Copia had always wanted to take you someday; he just wished now that the circumstances were different.

Your mood improved greatly over the course of the trip, and when you reached the house, Copia watched you with a smitten smile as you 'oohed' and 'ahhed' over your new home. Just wait until you see the inside, amore.

With your hand still clasped firmly in his, he led you through the house and out to the back, where his friends were waiting.

You stopped dead in your tracks, pulling back on Copia's hand. He looked at you, unable to stop the small smile from tugging at his lips as you took in the sight before you.

"Fratellino! Good to see you."

Copia turned to face his raven-haired brother and hugged him. "And you, Terzo."

Terzo grinned and looked past Copia at you. "Something wrong, cara mia? You look as though you've seen a ghost."

You swallowed hard. "Make that three."

Primo and Secondo stood and stepped up to stand behind Terzo.

"We did not realize you were coming along," Primo said, reaching out to take your hand and kiss the back of it. "I am glad to see you again, Sorella."

"Are you sure that was wise?" Secondo asked Copia.

"I didn't give him a choice," you responded before Copia could. You then shook your head. "I don't understand. You're all here. Alive. But… Your bodies are on display at every ritual!"

"That is all they are," Secondo answered. "Bodies. Perfect copies of us. No one would dare desecrate the body of a Papa to find out if those in the coffins are really ours, not even Sister Imperator. Why would she double-check when she was assured that their bodies were perfectly preserved to be put on display?"

"The only thing they needed was the confirmation of no pulse," Terzo added.

Primo nodded. "And thanks to a few home remedies, I was able to simulate that in all of us, long enough for us to get away while our ghouls replaced us with those perfect copies."

“They were exactly as you saw. A body, but only a copy. ”

You looked at Copia. "And you? There's a body back there that looks just like you?"

He nodded. "Sì. And it, too, will be displayed at every ritual."

You shook your head again. "Is there anything else I need to know?"

"Not at the moment," Copia said. "Let us let you get used to this right now."

"If I ever will!" 

The brothers exchanged smiles. Primo stepped up to your side and placed your hand in the crook of his arm. "Come, Sorella. I will show you to your room, let you freshen up before lunch, sì?"

Copia could tell from your expression that you were overwhelmed but happy. He knew this was the last thing you expected to find here. He watched you until you were out of sight.

"It was dangerous bringing her here,” Secondo said, turning to Copia. “If anyone were to find out—”

“No one will find out. I will make sure of that,” Copia vowed.

Secondo shook his head. “I sure hope you know what you are doing, Copia.”

“So do I…”

An hour later, Copia went up to your room, finding you staring out the window. He stepped up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“This is really going to be our life, huh?”

His heart sank. “Regret it already?”

You turned sharply and looked up at him. “Of course not! Never! But it will take some getting used to.”

"I know… And I am sorry it must be this way."

You hugged him tightly. "So long as you're here, alive, I don't care where we are. I just can't stand the thought of losing you."

"Now, you won't have to, amore. I am not going anywhere."

He moved you just enough to kiss you, both of you bathed in the noontime sunlight. For the first time in months, Copia felt content. Perfectly and wholly content with you in his arms, safe, with the prospect of your child arriving just a few months away.

If this is what came from his perceived death, then all of it was worth it.

The two of you, together, eternally bound by your love.

[en-chi-la-da]

general animal death talk below

last night my dog sissy finally passed away

when i say finally i don't mean it like "god FINALLY i've been WAITING for her to GO already", i mean it like, i've been expecting it. "she's a tiny elder dog so i shouldn't be surprised when it happens", it's happening > it happened > time goes on. she's lived a long life, a solid 21 years (her birthday is in january) which was way longer than i was expecting her to go to be honest (although it is the estimated lifespan for the chihuahua breed WHATEVER) she was a strong little geezer. never broke a bone, rarely got sick, it felt like she was indestructible, looking back on it all.

unfortunately, she did get sick once again, so it actually wasn't from her old age catching up to her (again, that's what i expected to happen). she became lethargic and weak, very hot, was not eating/drinking or getting up to use the bathroom, when she did it was only to pee, and lots of sleeping. when we got her checked out she was dehydrated, ran over 103-degree F fever, and they told us that after an ultrasound they had found some cysts that had developed in her lower body (her digestive tract i believe). they said her body was trying to fight off an infection, most likely from the cysts, but they couldn't tell if they were cancerous or not or if one of them had popped or something. in the end, she wasn't looking good.

long term, we would've had to pay for numerous tests and surgeries for them to figure out what exactly was affecting her and try to treat her, although with her current state and how old she was, the vet estimated that most likely, her body wouldn't be able to handle all of that. short term, the quality of life route, we administer painkillers for a predetermined amount of time until she passes on her own or we run out. or, euthanization right there in the clinic. i saw no point in the medicine, why try to keep her around, just so we could watch her continue to suffer in her own bed? so she could keep not drinking or eating? so the infection could keep spreading? so i could end up one day coming home to find her dead body? horrible and ugly and the last thing i want to remember her by.

it felt like the best course of action, all things considered. she gets to pass painlessly, and i get to say goodbye and hold her in my arms one last time. honestly, i hadn't even started crying until it was over. when i felt her stop breathing and the vet confirmed that her heart had stopped. sure, at this point i had already accepted the fact that she was dying, there's not much we could do about it without hurting her more, it's the cycle of life, it was her time to go, i knew it was going to happen eventually - still, despite everything i was telling myself, to just get through it, for her sake - all my feelings in that moment still hit me like a truck. never before had she felt so small.

her life and her death will remain with me for the rest of mine, and i can only hope to see her again one day, but not for a long, long time.

i'm okay now, for the moment. honestly, ive just been rewatching all the videos i have of her, continuing to think of her and remembering her life with me. all that's left is to let the grieving process pass, i suppose. this is the last pic i got of sissy - this was from only a day before she started getting sick, can you believe that? i have others of her obviously, but this one i'm more comfortable with sharing.

on 4-15-2024 i said goodbye to the strongest chihuahua i've ever known and had the pleasure of raising 💖 may she rest in peace! :')