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sodapopwrites · 26 days ago

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a ballad of flame and shadow part six

pairings - azriel x rhysand's sister!reader , lucien vanserra x rhysand's sister!reader, a little bit of feyra x rhysand.

summary - rhysand has returned to the night court, and the inner circle is introduced to feyre. feyre is quick to notice the tension between the high lords sister and the spymaster.

word count - 3.1k

a/n - i'm sorry but i love a little feyre meddling. she doesn't even meddle she just is nosy as hell. which is one of my favorite traits she has. also the library scene in this. i will die on the hill that azriel is so kicked dog coded. happily taking whatever scraps are offered to him.

read the rest of the series here!

She was standing at the edge of the balcony when she felt it. Something in the air shift. Like some great weight had been lifted off the world's shoulders. It settled in her. That feeling. But all she could do was wait.

Hours later, the inner circle milled around the dining room of The House of Wind. None of them speaking. Mor pacing in tight circles. Cassian and Amren sitting at the table. Cassian tapping a dagger on the hardwood in incessant beats. Azriel leaning against a wall shadows curling around him as he sent them out into the night, searching for any word to confirm what they all thought had happened.

Then they felt it. His presence. Rhysand.

He had winnowed to the balcony right in front of her. He fell to his knees, out of breath, shocked even. She let out a small sob and sank to the ground next to him and immediately wrapped herself around him in a viscous hug. The tightness of the embrace trying to convey everything she felt in the years of her brother's absence. He let one arm come to circle around her shoulders before falling limp in her arms.

He looked around at the familiar surroundings. The house he didn’t know if he would ever see again. He took in the sight of Morrigan rushing down the hall towards him, her red gown billowing behind her. Her face etched with worry. Azriel and Cassian were close behind. Relief flooded both their features as they took him in. Mor collapsed onto the floor next to him and embraced him. The three of them stayed like that. Silent and taking each other in for a moment. Family reunited.

He pulled away and looked to Mor first, choking out three words.

“She’s my mate.”

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

In the months following Rhysand’s return she had gained some weight back, let some color come back into her cheeks, finally started to let herself heal. Rhysand’s unrequited mating bond became a new problem for her to focus on. And focus on it she did.

“Why not just go get her?”

“It’s not that simple”

Rhysand ran a hand through his hair. They’d been going back and forth for days now.

“It is though. You made a deal. Once a month you bring her here. It’s been damn near three months, Rhys.” She looked around her and raised her hand in mock search, "Where is she? Cause I sure haven't seen her once."

He shook his head and let his hand fall to the table in front of him with a tad more force than was necessary. She flinched, only slightly, but a flinch nonetheless.

“Listen. It has to be her choice. That’s vital. Her choice right now is to marry that…”

He stopped himself. Rolling the insult over his tongue. She studied him and rolled her eyes looking around the table at her friends for support. Mor raised her hands in surrender and shook her head. Amren wouldn’t even meet her eyes. Cassian was looking only at Rhysand and Azriel….Azriel held her gaze. They stared at each other for a moment too long and Azriel cleared his throat and looked away with a small shake of his head.

It has to be her choice.

The sentiment rattled around in Azriel’s head.

“It was more than that”

He looked now towards Rhysand. Their eyes locked and Rhys tilted his head. He looked between his sister and his spymaster. He saw the desperate look in his sister’s eyes, like she was begging Azriel to agree with her, like she expected him to take her side. His eyes returned to Azriel’s face. The stone cold expression he always wore like a mask ever evident. But there was something else there, something more pained than it used to be. Rhys’s eyes narrowed as he took it in. It was like he could see that golden thread circling around Azriel’s hazel irises.

He let out a small laugh of disbelief. Finally, He thought to himself.

Once again his sister’s voice cut through the air,

“You’re really going to let your mate marry the High Prick of Spring Court?”

Cassian let out a small chuckle and stifled it instantly at one look from Rhysand.

“Just-”

Rhysand clenched his first turning to his sister once more, an all too annoyed look on his face,

“Just drop it.”

She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair with a huff. Pouting almost. The sight of it brought a smile to her brother’s face. It was good to be home.

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

When dinner was over she had excused herself immediately, casting one look at Azriel as she left the room. He followed shortly after. The rest of the inner circle watched him go with slightly bemused expressions. When he had been gone long enough for Rhysand to ensure there weren’t any lingering shadows in the room, he turned to his friends,

“What exactly is going on there?”

All of them looked at him with exasperated expressions. Mor was the first to speak.

“Denial mainly.”

Rhysand furrowed his eyebrows waiting for further explanation. It was Cassian’s turn to pipe up,

“They were…together, if you can call it that, for a little while when you were…away.”

“And I’m guessing that didn’t end well” Rhys kept his voice flat, trying to feign some sort of disinterest.

“It ended when she snuck off to see the fox on Calanmai about a decade ago.” Amren’s voice was laced with disapproval. Still kicking herself for letting her go.

“Ah” Rhys mused, “And that ended even worse?”

“It ended with her sobbing in my arms, becoming a borderline alcoholic, and refusing to talk to Azriel for twelve years.” Cassian winced at the memory.

“That..” Rhysand sighed deeply. Remembering the haunted look behind Azriel’s eyes. “Sounds like my sister.”

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

Azriel found her pacing the shelves in the library. He approached her carefully, like she was an animal he didn’t want to scare off, and leaned on a shelf a safe distance away. She stopped in her tracks at the feeling of his presence and whipped around to look at him. He offered her a small, strained, smile.

“How are you feeling?”

He let himself take her appearance in fully. Her dress that now fit better than it had a couple months ago. Her hair swept gracefully away from her face. Her spine held straight, that regal posture returned. She took a couple steps towards him, like she wanted to fall into his arms, but wouldn’t let herself.

“I’m frustrated.”

“Sexually?”

A smile played on his lips. He hadn’t spoken to her so casually in years. Hadn’t let himself offer even a crumb of the teasing banter they once had, since she had retreated from him all those years ago. Her eyes widened as if she never expected him to talk to her like that ever again. She looked like she wanted to laugh, but held it in.

“Rhysand comes back from fifty years of imprisonment just to find a new way to hurt himself.”

Azriel nodded slowly. Letting the light moment pass, returning to her annoyance. She continued,

“Always persistent with that self sacrificial bullshit.” She shook her head and a curl fell from her updo to brush across her forehead, “My feelings don’t matter as long as everyone in the world still has feelings that might be slightly worse than mine”

Her voice was a scarily accurate mimicry of their High Lord. He let a huff of laughter escape before tilting his head at her,

“Sounds familiar”

“Yeah because that’s all Rhys does.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

She stared at him blankly. Trying not to let her face betray the turmoil his words had sparked in her mind. Her regal posture faltered and her shoulders fell, infinitesimally.

“I’m sorry” It fell past her lips in a pained whisper.

“For what?” There was no anger, no blame, in his voice.

“For…For pulling you in just to push you away for as long as I did.”

“It was more than that.”

His repetition of her earlier words sent a sharp pain stabbing through her heart.

“But I shouldn’t have-”

He closed the distance between them and brought a hand up to cradle the side of her face, letting his thumb brush a soothing trail across her cheek.

“I was willing to take anything you wanted to give me. I still am.”

Tears lined her waterline, threatening to spill over as she looked up at him,

“Why?”

He smiled at her softly, “You know why.” It was barely a whisper. A small and all too quiet admission. That golden thread that was begging her for release. That bond she wouldn’t let snap into place. Not yet. She pulled away from his touch, shaking her head.

“I can’t. Not right now. With everything going on with Rhys? With Hybern? There’s no time..”

He hung his head and laughed quietly, self sacrificial bullshit, he started to walk out of the library.

“There never seems to be time for us huh?”

She called after him, “Azriel?”

He stopped as he reached the door and turned. He let himself say one last thing before leaving.

“I’m willing to take whatever you want to give me.”

The door clicked behind him.

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

Cassian and Azriel stood by the dining room doors to greet Feyre. She sat at the dining table waiting for everyone to join her, studying her brother's mate.

“Come on, Feyre. We don’t bite. Unless you ask us to.”

Feyre seemed to let the surprise from that statement jolt her forward. Daring to step towards the Illyrians standing before her.

“The last I heard, Cassian, no one has ever taken you up on that offer.” Rhysand said dryly and Azriel snorted. Cassian sent a vulgar gesture towards Rhysand before snapping,

“Your sister’s considered it a couple times.” Azriel stiffened at the joke and Rhysand tutted while shaking his head. Feyre looked at Rhysand as if asking him, sister? He nodded his head towards the dark haired female sitting at the table, Cassian and Azriel stepping aside to reveal her.

She set her glass down on the table and stood to greet the newcomer with a gentle smile. Feyre could feel that same power that thrummed around Rhysand coming off his sister in waves. She seemed nice enough, if not more reserved than Morrigan, as she shook Feyre’s hand with a mutter of her name. A short introduction that made Feyre wonder what lurked behind those beautiful features that so resembled her brother. If Rhysand was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen. This was the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen, in her dress of midnight blue adorned with silver embroidered constellations. Feyre looked towards the others that stood before her, her eyes falling first on Azriel, his eyes glued to Rhysand’s sister, as if she held the moon and stars.

Feyre took in his armor, and the obsidian-hilted hunting knife sheathed at his side. He was unreadable and as breathtakingly beautiful as the violet eyed siblings, it was like that beauty was there just to hide some deep rooted secrets.

“This is Azriel – my spymaster”

Feyre didn’t miss the way Rhysand’s sister used his introduction as an excuse to look at the spymaster. Her eyes narrowed at the pair briefly. Wanting to ask Rhysand exactly what was going on there. But she held her tongue and went along with the rest of the introductions instead.

The dinner went well enough. Despite Cassian being entirely too himself. Feyre listened to the inner circles banter, studying them like she was trying to make a decision. Mulling over every word they said silently.

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

“I didn’t see you Under the Mountain.” Feyre said it more like a question than anything else. The silence that fell was tense and unmoving. None of them dared to look at Rhysand. Feyre looked around the table, confused at the new found silence of the lively bunch. Her eyes fell to Rhys’s sister first.

She looked devastated. Like Feyre’s words had brought back fifty years of turmoil they’d spent the last three months trying to smooth over.

“Because none of us were” The High Lord’s sister’s voice was pained and filled with what was unmistakable guilt. Feyre watched as one of the shadows curling around Azriel brushed around her shoulders as if in comfort. The shadowy touch was fleeting but unmissable.

Rhys’s face was a mask of cold, “Amarantha didn’t know they existed. And when someone tried to tell her, they usually found themselves without the mind to do so.”

Feyre shuddered slightly at the implication of his words, “You truly kept this city, and all these people, hidden from her for fifty years?”

It was Amren who replied, “We will continue to keep this city and these people hidden from our enemies for a great many more.”

Not an answer. But all the inner circle was willing to offer Feyre. The girl looked around at the Fae sitting around her, all of them studying her, waiting for a reaction. Mor piped in next,

“There is not one person in this city who is unaware of what went on outside these borders. Or the cost.”

The blonde’s voice was raw as she explained. The family sitting before Feyre was tense. Clearly not knowing how to continue this conversation. Azriel shifted his chair slightly closer to Rhys’s sisters. The movement was so subtle Feyre was surprised she noticed it at all. Feyre permeated the silence with a question, trying to move on,

“How did you all meet?”

The once human girl let them tell her of their histories. Her face grew with a concern they did not expect from a stranger as she listened to the stories of their twisted childhoods. As they told her of the horrors of the Illyrian war camps. Azriel’s hand held the arm of his chair so tight his knuckles had turned white. Rhysand’s sister looked as if she wanted to put her hand over his, but she resisted the urge.

After a long while of listening to Rhysand talk, his sister had let herself zone out just a little, having heard the story so many times. She looked frequently to Azriel as if surveying his cold mask for any sign of wavering emotion. It wasn’t until Feyre spoke up that she let her eyes land anywhere but the shadowsinger.

“I accept your offer – to work with you. To earn my keep. And help with Hybern in whatever way I can.”

She let out a hum of approval at Feyre’s words and looked to Rhysand, who looked like his heart might burst. Who looked like a wave of relief had flooded his nervous system at Feyre’s willingness to stay, to help, to fight with his family.

“Good” was all he said, even as the other members of the inner circle raised their brows, as if they had not been told this dinner was an interview of sorts. “Because we start tomorrow.”

────────────── ⋆✩⋆ ──────────────

Feyre followed Rhysand out of the dining room after dinner. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. Not wanting to think of what was ahead of them, waiting to be dealt with tomorrow. The prison that even Amren wasn’t willing to visit. She swallowed nervously before searching for something else to ask him about.

“What’s going on between your sister and Azriel?”

Rhysand let out a low chuckle, “Years worth of drama.”

“Are they together?”

He looked at her and raised a brow, as if surprised by her nosy-ness.

“They are….something more than that and also less than that.”

Feyre let out a frustrated snort at his vagueness.

“That’s not really an answer.”

He looked at her, that amused expression still gracing his features. She pushed a little more,

“The way Azriel..gravitates towards her without ever letting himself actually reach out to her…is-”

“Azriel and my sister have a complicated history, made more complicated in the last fifty years, but the two of them. They might never really be able to admit what they are to each other.”

“Why is that?”

“Azriel…often convinces himself he isn’t worthy of truly having anything good, anything he really wants, a byproduct of his childhood probably.”

“And your sister can’t convince him otherwise?”

Rhys let out another low laugh and ran a hand over his face, trying to think of how to explain his sister to Feyre.

“My sister…won’t let herself feel any of her own feelings as long as there’s someone else suffering. As long as there’s any problem at all, that is where her focus goes, not to her own problems, but to other people’s. And I have a suspicion that while I was under the mountain…my imprisonment kept her from Azriel."

He thought of the little he had gotten his friends to tell him about what had happened. Thought of Cassian’s implication that something had happened and after she had not let herself even speak to the shadowsinger for years, until his return.

“And now that you’ve come back to Velaris?” Feyre questioned.

“Now that I’ve come back…My sister will use the looming threat of Hybern and the danger that it poses over Prythian to distract her from thinking about Azriel.”

Feyre thought about all Rhysand had told her about his own reasons for going under the mountain. His own reasons for letting Amarantha use him the way she had.

“It seems like that trait runs in the family”

He shoots her a small smile at her teasing remark. They stood in silence for a moment before she remembered a comment Lucien had once made when he came to her cell under the mountain, after she had made her bargain with Rhysand.

“Do you understand what Rhys is? What his family is?”

What his family is. She thought of the way the flame haired fae had winced at the word family. She thought of his foul mood on Calanmai and the small comment Tamlin had made about no need to worry about any night court visitors. Her brows furrowed at the memory,

“Does your sister know Lucien?”

He deeply inhaled at the mention of the Spring Court emissary and let out a humorless laugh,

“That is just another part of the long and complicated history made more complicated in the last fifty years.”

Feyre thought of the dagger Lucien carried, the dagger that looked an awful lot like the daggers the Illyrians had strapped to their sides. She thought of the tension that simmered between Rhysand and Lucien when Rhys had discovered her in the Spring Manor. Years of tension and history. She said tentatively,

“But you don’t know what exactly happened while you were away?”

Rhysand started to walk further down the hall, “And I am not stupid enough to ask them.”

taglist:

@littlepippilongstocking @lilah-asteria

#azriel x reader #acotar #bat boys #lucien vanserra x reader #azriel acotar #rhysand #night court #morrigan acotar #cassian acotar #amren acotar #feyre archeron #feyre acotar #feyre x rhysand #rhys acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel angst

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astradreaming · 8 months ago

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So a luke castellan x Apollo!reader

Idek how this would work but I had this idea after I read your ‘My Sweetheart’ blurb-

So tlt and Luke’s betrayal has occurred and the reader was in a relationship with Luke, pretty much exactly like ‘My Sweetheart’.

So ofc she’s still really offended and traumatised from that debacle. But she still loves him deep down. Anyway (at any point during the series, you decide) they’re going to use her as bait for Luke to come here. She agrees bc she doubts he’ll come, if he betrayed her surely he didn’t love her that much. But he does.

Anyway the campers give them some privacy and they have a really deep conversation, and she accepts that she still loves him. And then they all jump out and attack him and he realises she betrayed him, and he gets grievously injured.

But somehow, before they can realise she isn’t back yet, she goes back and heals him, bc she can’t leave him for dead, and she leaves him healed but hurting.

If you wanted to be evil you could even end it with ‘if you’d only been there to heal him that night in Manhattan.’ Feel free to change anything this is just a very long thought, xxx

house on a hill

this is a part two but it can be read separately :)

a/n: so sorry this took so long love, exams have been kicking my ass but i hope you enjoy this anyways ♡

masterlist

Luke Castellan admitted it.

He admitted it all, betraying camp to help rise Kronos, poisoning Thalia's tree, stealing the lightning bolt... Everything they said he did. He openly admitted.

He proudly admitted.

When you'd followed Annabeth into the woods after hearing Percy yelling for help, you didn't expect it to end you up at a Miami beach on Clarisse's quest.

After dealing with pirates and sirens, fighting a cyclops and a hydra you'd had your fair share of scares during this quest. But your biggest horror stood with a sword pointed at Percy.

Luke Castellan.

You'd thought long and hard about what you'd say to him, if you'd ever got the chance. Something along the lines of why? how dare you. why would you ever do this? or at the very least, was everything a lie?

But all your heartache and rage got stuck in your throat like a bad cough. All you could do was stand frozen and hope that it was all a bad dream.

He had the audacity to meet your eye. He stepped forward in your direction.

"Y/n I-" His voice broke as he quietly spoke.

Every single bit of shock in your body vaporized in a second, being replaced by lover's rage.

"Y/n? Y/n what? What do you possibly have to say to me" Your voice laced with venom.

He staggered froward, eyes shining with guilt. He tried to say something but you cut him off again.

"Do you know how long I defended you? Do you have any idea how stupid- no pathetic i felt when i got your letter telling me I was wrong about you. Do you know what it was like having everyone in camp thinking I'm a traitor too. Do you even care?" Your lip quivered as you leaning into yourself.

No matter how much you willed yourself not to, you felt the tears fall down your face. You were too blinded by emotion to notice the others regrouping behind you both.

"Of course I care y/n. I'm doing all of this because I care!" With each step he took towards you, you took stepping back.

"No! You're doing this because your spiteful!"

"I have every reason to be and you know it" He yelled his face contorted with fury. Flinching back you find what's left of your voice.

"You're being manipulated to start a war! And you're too hurt to see that. Luke, please. You've broken my heart but I still love you, don't play into the Titan's hand, come back to camp and right your wrongs. Together." Your voice a broken whisper, only to be heard by him and the Fates.

You swore to the Fates you saw a flicker in his eyes, a break in his warpath.

"All I want is the house we talked about, the one on the hill. With the trees out the front. With as many animals as you want, with the stupidest names we can come up with." His eyes fixated to the floor. He cleared his throat and looked so deeply at you it was like he was speaking to your soul.

"To get that life, a life with you. The gods must die. Their way is broken and wrong. It's just our turn, and only then will we be able to have peace y/n. Together.

While you stand frozen, appalled at the man in front of you, gone was the version on Luke you made those plans with, instead stood a pawn of a Titan.

Unbeknownst to you both Percy had finished summoning an Iris message to camp.

Luke finally noticed, ordered the monsters his army to attack in retaliation. You and your friends outnumbered when suddenly The Party Ponies narrowly come to the rescue. However you'd stayed stunned throughout it all.

Centaurs, half bloods, Cyclops' all fought one another. The loud sound of battle didn't render, instead silence ringing through your head.

You wanted to believe the old Luke was still in there somewhere, but as your focus zeroed in on him. Watching him fight without mercy. You saw no resemblance of the boy you love.

Perhaps if you kept hope, kept faith in him. You could have helped him long before Manhattan. Maybe there was another universe where Annabeth wasn't the only one who could see the old Luke buried down below. And maybe in that universe you both got that house on the hill...

#luke castellan x reader #luke castellan #pjo #pjo fandom #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo x reader #percy jackson fanfiction

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jinhyun · 1 year ago

Text

↬part two

"then I think about summer, all the beautiful times

i watched you laughin' from the passenger's side"

pairing: hwang hyunjin x reader

genre: written series, angst, fluff, friends to lovers to exes to lovers, she fell first but he fell harder, yearning, mutual pining, non-idol au, baker!y/n, movie producer!hyunjin.

word count: 11.3k

warnings: y/n has self-sabotaging tendencies, cursing, mentions of alcohol, eventual smut, mature content, MINORS DNI!!!

tag list: open. send me an ASK to be a part of it, otherwise i might miss it. i will only be adding people who are willing to reblog the chapters and/or comment on them, because it does take time out of my day to tag everyone and likes or straight up cricket noises do nothing for me in return if i'm honest.

a/n: helloo, it's been a long time but here we are again with a new part. this turned out longer than i expected and i apologise, but i wanted to mainly show how these two got together and how it was that things started off for them, as well as how the dynamic of their friend group used to be before everything went down. in other words, and as you can see in the verse of the song i quoted, this part's gonna be more on the fluffy side (but not completely lol), so i hope you enjoy this small part of their story!

feedback is very dearly appreciated<3

You had never been a big fan of packing, but you were quite excited about the trip with your friends the next day. To be honest, you did not used to be a big fan of camping either, until that first year in college when summer came and Jeongin mentioned this one place he and his family used to go camping when he was little.

Everyone was so excited about it that you couldn't say no. Seungmin wouldn't have let you miss out on it and abandon him anyway.

And, in the end, you were glad you hadn't stayed home instead. It turned out to be a really precious bonding time for all of you, to the point that you all agreed to make it a summer vacation tradition — every single year of college, without missing a beat, all eleven of you would drive outside the city and ventour into the forest to have what you liked to call your much needed healing time.

Although the entirety of your friend group had graduated college last year, you had promised to keep making time for your yearly camping trip.

Minji hadn't been able to keep that promise that particular year, given she got an internship in the States and had left a little over a month and a half before summer started. She had promised over and over before leaving that she would most definitely make it next year, and you were all counting on that.

You were sad that she wouldn't make it, for now you would only have Hyejin to fight the potentially annoying male species you'd be hanging out with.

And there was also the fact that you thought Hyunjin wouldn't feel like going anymore. Sure, he would go, for he had promised and he loved spending time with all of you, but a part of you believed he wouldn't be the same since Minji wouldn't be there — that he wouldn't be as eager about the trip as he always was.

It was the way he hugged her and visibly didn't want to let go when you had all gone to send her off and she was about to walk through security. After witnessing that, you had convinced yourself that Hyunjin wouldn't be himself until she came back.

You had decided to give him space. You knew you'd be the same if you ever lost Seungmin, and that without being in love with him.

It would be good for you, too. Giving Hyunjin space and letting him find himself without his beloved best friend meant not seeing him for a while, and therefore, finally being able to focus on moving on from your stupid crush on him.

Only that you wanting to give him space didn't exactly mean he wanted to take that space away from you. So you knew when not even a week after Minji's departure he was calling you up to hang out.

Most of your friends would be there, minus Felix and Hyejin, who had already made plans alone, so you accepted. It had started out just like that, at least — hanging out with your group of friends, the way you always had. But now his attention was only on you, and his eyes would oh-so-naturally fix on you like it was their default target.

It didn't stop there. Hanging out with everyone else yet only focusing on you turned into making plans for just the two of you. You had been ecstatic the first time he asked you out — as friends, of course. He had a shitty day at work and wanted to go out for some coffee, but he didn't feel like being around a large group of people. You accepted in a heartbeat, so happy about getting to spend some time alone with him that you completely forgot about the whole 'getting over him' goal you had going on.

So happy to finally get the attention you wanted from him, that you didn't stop for one second to think whether he would be asking you to get some coffee with him if Minji were still here.

But it didn't matter, because one coffee date turned into two, and then two turned into three. Friendly dates turned into 'oh, maybe this is not so friendly' ones. Sunset walks turned into watching movies at either one of your places. Late night calls on the days you didn't get to see each other turned into texting all throughout the day, every day; which led to getting goodnight and good morning text messages with definitely-not-so-friendly hearts attached to them.

Just like that, Hyunjin was just as eager as every other year to go on this trip. And you? God, you couldn't wait for the day to arrive so you could spend even more time with him. You were mainly expectant of the bonfire at night — you had always loved the way the fire illuminated his factions from afar. He always managed to look extra cozy and your heart would flutter with every single glimpse. This year, though, you hoped you'd get to sit next to him, and maybe, if you were lucky enough, you'd get to share a blanket with him; as childish as it sounded.

Your daydreaming got interrupted by your phone buzzing on your night table, making you jump from your bed to pick it up and then feel your heart do a backflip when you read Hyunjin's name on the screen.

Fixing your hair as fast as you could and making sure your face looked presentable enough for him to see, you answered his video call.

"Hey, cutie" he greeted as soon as your face was visible on the screen.

You smiled timidly, feeling the heat reach your cheeks at the sound of that simple pet name. "You do realise it's midnight, don't you?"

"You answered anyway" he smirked triumphantly, earning a roll of eyes from you. "Why? Did I wake you?"

"No," you shook your head, looking down to your packed bag on your bed. "I was kinda going through everything I needed to pack, to make sure I won't forget anything".

"Well, in case you forgot to pack mosquito repellent like last year, I'm glad to inform you I've kindly packed some for you".

A small, breathy laugh escaped your mouth. "Why, thank you" you brought a dramatic hand to your chest. "Did I really traumatize you last year for that to be the first thing to come to mind when packing for me?"

"I wouldn't say traumatized…" he mumbled, looking down to what you guessed was his bag, as he unzipped it. "But you did make me so fucking worried when you came out of your tent that morning all covered in mosquito bites, so…"

Watching him show the repellent bottle to the camera, you couldn't help the throaty laugh that ran past your mouth this time, hearing him follow along the moment the sound you made reached his ears.

"You really didn't have to…"

"Did you remember to pack it this time?" he tested you.

"No, but—but," you quickly emphasized at the sight of his daring eyes. "Minnie always brings some. I was just too lazy to go up to his tent at night when I realised I hadn't asked him for it last year. I didn't think it would be that bad".

"Well, now you've got your own personal bottle of it" he pointed out, stuffing it back into his bag. "So no need to go to his tent if you forget to ask him for it again".

Too enchanted by that thoughtful act of service of his, you didn't realise you were staring until he blushed and cleared his throat.

"What?" he shyly asked.

"Huh?" you snapped out of it.

"I don't know, I… you weren't like, saying anything and—"

"Oh, no, I just…" you felt your cheeks burn once again. "Thank you. You're cute".

He laughed breathily, almost inaudibly. "I'm cute?"

"You know what I mean" you glared.

"I'd like to think you mean something else, though…"

You needed to take a deep, rather shaky, breath at that. Keeping yourself composed was not an easy thing to do when he said things like that.

"So, um… What were you calling for?"

He shrugged, letting you get away with your change of subject and lying back on his mattress. "Just wanted to talk to you".

"At midnight?" you raised an eyebrow.

"Got a problem with it?"

"Not really," you chuckled. "But we're seeing each other in a couple of hours, in case you forgot".

"Oh, I'm well aware of it," he nodded, tiredly placing an arm over his eyes. "Still wanted to talk to you before going to bed".

"Clingy" you teased.

The smile that curved up the corners of his plump lips made you wish you were there with him, lying your head on his chest and playing with his hair, instead of having to settle down for seeing him through a screen.

"It's gonna be a different trip this time around, huh?" you mumbled after a few seconds in which silence had taken over.

"Yeah…" he agreed quietly, removing his arm from his face and lying on his side. "It's gonna be weird without Minji".

You hummed in response. "I'll only have Hyejin to fight you guys now, and that's when she and Lix aren't all over each other".

"You'll have me, though" he smiled innocently.

You snorted. "Please, you'd drop me in a heartbeat to join the guys when they pick on me".

"That is so not true" he argued, squinting his eyes at you.

"I guess we'll see what happens when the time comes," you taunted him. "You think you'll still be able to have as much fun?"

"You mean without Minji?"

You nodded silently, bracing yourself for the answer you didn't want to know yet had not been able to stop yourself from asking about.

"Sure," he nodded confidently, making your heart feel at ease. "I've got you, it's gonna be just as fun".

"You think so?" you whispered.

"Of course!" he reassured you. "Let's go in the same car tomorrow, we can sit together and share earphones".

"I'm taking Changbin's car" you pointed out.

"Cool," he nodded. "I'll let him know I'm taking his too, then".

"No but, you know what that means, right?"

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Not really…"

You chuckled. "It means he'll make me go on the passenger seat so I can lead the way for him, since he always seems to miss the entrance to the camping site".

"Can't he have someone else to do it?"

"He doesn't really trust any of the guys when it comes to giving directions," you shook your head. "And I respect him for it, honestly. Last time we had Felix give out directions we nearly ended up in Busan".

He puffed his cheeks cutely, in a way that had your heart melting in a second. "Good thing Airpods are a thing then. We can still share".

"And miss Binnie's carpool?"

"You know what, if you hate me just say so".

A throaty laugh escaped your mouth at his salty remark, staring at him through the screen in such a loving way that for a second there you feared he would realise your feelings for him.

"I guess we can share Airpods" you rolled your eyes in amusement, having him happily laugh under his breath. "Don't be too surprised when I start singing along to whatever Binnie's playing on the radio, though".

"I will feel slightly neglected but I get it" he sighed overdramatically.

Covering the yawn coming out of your mouth with your hand, you sleepily stared at him on the screen. "We should go to sleep now…"

"Are you trying to get rid of me now?"

"I'm sleepy..."

"But you look so cute like that" he cooed.

"It's nearly one in the morning, Hwang Hyunjin" you tried your best to sound stern and hide your smile. "We leave at seven".

"Alright," he sighed once more, closing his eyes. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"

You nodded, a small smile making its way on your face. "See you tomorrow, Hyunie".

He smiled blissfully. "See you tomorrow, cutie".

-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

"Can we stop to get some food?" Seungmin asked from the backseat.

You laughed over Changbin's heavy sigh next to you. It had only been half an hour since you left Seoul, and there was still another hour to go, yet you couldn’t say you were entirely surprised over your best friend’s request.

The trip had been smooth so far, way too smooth — Changbin and Jeongin loudly singing to any song that came on the playlist being the only sense of disruption in the car. You remained silently staring out the window, lightly bopping your head to the beat of the music coming from the Airpod you were sharing with Hyunjin. It was a funny contrast, having Binnie and Innie singing at the top of their lungs to nothing but upbeat songs, while Hyunjin and you listened to slower, calmer ones and quietly stared at the passing scenery outside.

The somewhat balanced atmosphere you all had managed to create was just bound to be disrupted by your best friend at some point.

"I asked you all if you wanted to stop for food before hitting the highway and you said you wanted to have breakfast at the camping site".

Seungmin pouted, childishly sinking against his seat and crossing his arms over his chest. "I wanted to live the full camping experience, but I take it back now, I'm hungry".

"Well, too bad because I'm not stopping until we get there".

Hearing Seungmin whine behind you in what sounded more like a tantrum, you couldn't help but laugh, staring at him through the rearview mirror before your eyes unconsciously fixed on Hyunjin by the window. He was laughing over your best friend's scene too, and his eyes were already on you. You held his stare through the reflection for a moment, enjoying the sight of his smile and the sound of his giggle before you looked down in a poor attempt to calm your racing heart.

Clearing your throat, you reached down to the backpack by your feet and rummaged through it until you found the snacks you had packed that morning before heading out, precisely in case something like this happened.

Without a word, you reached your hand behind your seat, giggling to yourself when you felt the pack of cookies being snatched from your hold not even a second later.

"You're the best, I swear to God" Seungmin managed to say with his mouth already full. "You better be selling these at our coffee shop once we open it".

You chuckled. "I will".

"Wait, those are homemade?" Jeongin asked from the middle seat.

"Mhm…" you nodded, leaning slightly back when he peeked his head through your seat.

"You have more?"

"Take some from Seungm—"

"No way, they're mine" Seungmin growled.

Rolling your eyes, you leaned down to your backpack once more, defeatedly looking for another bag of cookies you had thankfully packed as well.

"These are double chocolate chips," you let Jeongin know as you handed them to him. "Please share them with Hyunjin in case he wants some".

"I do want some!" he stated from behind, having your amused eyes instinctively fix on him through the rearview mirror, right as he eagerly dug his hand into the bag.

"And what about me?" Changbin whined. "You all are lucky I care about your lives and can't just turn around and snatch them from you right now".

You chuckled, reaching your hand behind your seat, and opening your palm. "Minnie".

The sound of his name coming out of your mouth was all it took for a single cookie to be reluctantly placed on it.

"Here," you called Changbin's attention, motioning for him to open his mouth.

"Is it red velvet?" he asked, opening his mouth and taking a bite regardless, as he was ready to eat whatever it was you decided to feed him.

As soon as he tasted them, he dramatically threw his head back and hit the border of the steering wheel.

"Fuck! They're so good".

You laughed, lightheartedly shaking your head at his reaction. Not even ten seconds later, he was opening his mouth again and leaning slightly over your side for you to feed him the remaining of the cookie you had managed to get from Seungmin.

Having fed him and watching him happily munch on it, you leaned back against your seat, closing your eyes to go back to listening to Hyunjin's playlist like you had been doing before this whole cookies situation took place — only for Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo to start playing.

Almost jumping from your seat, you turned around, staring at Hyunjin in utter disbelief while your jaw comically dropped.

"You did not just do that" you accused him.

He chuckled, staring down with a proud smirk at the unlocked phone in his hands as he seemed to look for another song. His point had already been made.

"What happened?" Jeongin wondered.

"Nothing, Hyunjin's just an idiot" you replied, tauntingly squinting your eyes at Hyunjin, only for his smile to grow.

"At least I'm not a traitor" his smile turned into a cynical smirk.

"A traitor why?" Seungmin's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Who's a traitor?" Changbin joined in.

"It's nothing" Hyunjin brushed it off, his eyes never leaving yours.

"Oh, so you guys have reached the internal jokes stage now?"

"Shut up…" you felt the heat reach your face, turning around to sit properly and look ahead to the road.

Olivia’s voice stopped being heard, and it was replaced by Lauv’s, as I Like Me Better began to play. You looked down to your lap and tried to contain your smile. It had been ages since you last listened to that song, and a part of you, the delusional one that was head over heels for Hyunjin, wanted to believe he was dedicating it to you right then.

Looking out the window when you managed to conceal your blissfulness and everyone seemed to already be back in their own world, you decided to just focus on the road and stop giving too much thought to the song choice of his throughout the ride. He was using a playlist after all.

Nevertheless, you couldn’t help your mind from wandering and daydreaming all the way to the camping site, making it hard for you to focus on your duty as the designated human GPS.

You weren't sure if Changbin was right about you and Hyunjin having reached the 'internal jokes stage' yet, but you realised later that day that you had definitely reached some kind of complicity. You couldn't put your finger on when along the journey of the two of you growing closer it happened, but now your eyes would naturally lock whenever someone said anything slightly funny or even questionable. It was as if you wanted, needed, to share even the most minimal and mundane of things with each other.

And you hadn't noticed it was that obvious to everyone else until Hyejin pointed it out when you were setting up your tent later that afternoon. To say you were struggling a little bit was an understatement; it was a tent for three, and usually Minji was there to help set it up as well. You would definitely have some extra room that night.

Still, as focused on finding the correct corner of the fabric to stake it to the ground as she was, Hyejin managed to bring the topic up.

"So, what's going on with you and Hyunjin?"

"What do you mean?" you frowned, letting go of the fabric you were holding onto.

"Oh, come on, I'm not blind" she squinted her eyes. "Something definitely changed between you two".

"I mean, yeah, but…" you shrugged. “We’re just closer now, I guess”.

“I’ve seen the heart eyes, Y/N”.

“As if my heart eyes for him are anything new”.

“I meant his”.

You went silent, feeling your cheeks heat up and your hands shake. To have someone else notice it, too, only made it feel more real.

“You guys need help?” Felix interrupted before you could try and say anything back.

His arm was naturally resting over Hye’s shoulders, and although she visibly appreciated the offer, she settled for an obnoxious roll of eyes.

“We’re not damsels in danger” she playfully shoved his arm off.

Felix snorted. “Maybe not but you guys are clearly struggling here”.

“I could use some help” you admitted, getting a triumphant smile from Lix before he grabbed the fabric you had let go of a minute ago and began to stake it to the ground.

“But what about our girl talk” Hyejin pouted.

“Girl talk?” Felix looked at her with furrowed eyebrows.

She nodded, and just like that his eyes went to you — realisation hitting him in a second.

“Let me guess, you guys are talking about Hyunjin”.

You nearly choked on air. “We're not”.

"We're not?" Hyejin teased you, receiving a glare from you in a heartbeat.

“Ah, you guys can go on then" Felix nodded understandingly, with a glimpse of a smirk curving up his lips. "I already know all about it anyway".

Hyejin raised both hands up in defense when your glare was once again on her. "Don't look at me, remember he's Hyunjin's best friend after all".

Lix's smirk was now on full display. "I know things neither of you two know".

"There's not much to know, though? Right?" you awkwardly fidgeted in your place. "Hyunjin doesn't talk about me, does he?"

Felix and Hyejin exchanged an incredulous look, deciding right then to just leave it there and let you figure it out on your own. They knew you well enough to know you wouldn’t believe any of it unless you heard it directly from Hyunjin; and maybe even then you would still doubt it all.

“Anyway,” Felix shrugged, going back to his previous task. “Let’s set this shit up”.

“Language!” Hyejin reprimanded him.

You laughed at the exchange, going over to Hyejin so you could work together while Felix focused on the other corner of your tent. Even though you could feel their stares on you, you were just glad the topic seemed to be over with.

-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

Turned out that setting up a tent with Felix and Hyejin was just a call to be kicked out of it as soon as it was done, so they could take a nap inside and just like that make you their third wheel. Not like you really cared, for you took a blanket and placed it under one of the trees that were farther away from everyone.

Lying down on it, you used your arms as a pillow while you looked up to the bright green leaves and the rays of sunshine peeking through them. You truly loved this camping site. It was quiet, with enough space for your entire group and the right amount of distance from other campers in the area.

The grass was green and abundant, the trees provided enough shadow for you not to go mad over how hot the summer weather was, and there was a lake only a five-minute walk from there. You would probably go there a little before the sun set; everyone seemed to be too immersed in their own activities to propose a walk to the lake anytime soon.

Seungmin and Jeongin were still setting up their tent, as they had been too busy whining about having to set it up before to actually do it. Chan, Han and Changbin were drinking and chatting the afternoon away, after having managed to clean up and put everything from your lunch away, since they had been chosen to be on cleaning up duty by a very fair game of rock, paper, scissors. Minho was lying on a blanket a few meters from you, scrolling through his phone. Felix and Hyejin were napping; and Hyunjin… you actually had no idea where Hyunjin was.

“Wanna go to the lake?”

As if reading your thoughts, there he was, kneeling on the edge of your blanket as he patiently waited for your answer.

You tilted your head up to look at him, still a bit stunned over both his timing and his suggestion. Nevertheless, you nodded, not having to think twice before you sat up.

“Are the others coming?”

“Nah,” he shrugged, standing up and giving you a hand to help you up as well. “They said they’re going later”.

“Shouldn’t we wait for them then?” you quietly asked.

Hyunjin brought a dramatic hand up to his chest. “If you don’t wanna be alone with me just say so”.

You scoffed, acting just as offended as he was. “That’s not what I said at all?!”

“Then?” he smiled, tilting his head in the lake’s direction.

Rolling your eyes while the biggest of smiles took over your face, you followed him. He knew the way to the lake by heart, you realised, as he seemed to avoid branches you wouldn’t have noticed were there if it weren’t for him dodging them before you. Although maybe it just had to do with the fact that you were too focused on him to pay attention to your surroundings.

After five minutes in which thankfully you made it out intact, you finally reached your destination. You smiled at the view of the crystalline water and the strong reflection of the sun on it, which you had to look away from in order not to be blinded. It looked the same as every other year, and a part of you was happy it remained the same throughout the time.

“Where are you going?” Hyunjin asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion when you started walking towards the water.

“To lie down?” you answered, in what had seemed like more of a question.

“Not here” he shook his head.

“Why not?”

“Minho and Changbin are fishing here later”.

“So?”

“So, you know how loud those two are when they get frustrated” he reminded you, walking over to you and taking your hand so he could drag you with him. “I came here to recharge”.

Too stunned over the unexpected feel of his strong yet soft hand holding yours, you didn’t even object. You simply let him take you whenever it was he wanted to take you to — heart eyes stuck to the back of his head as he led the way.

“Recharge?” you mocked him regardless.

"Yeah?" he said, as if it was obvious. "Don't you need time to be alone and recharge after being with too many people for too long?"

"It's not even dinner time yet".

"And I'm already drained".

You chuckled at his tiresome remark, but decided to just leave it at that when you reached a bunch of rocks that blocked the way.

“Where exactly are we going?” you wondered, confusedly letting go of his hand when he began to climb them.

"Come here" he called, reaching his hand out for you.

“You want to lay down on top of these rocks?” you questioned, taking his hand nonetheless and allowing him to help you up. “Like, the view might be better, but I’m pretty sure lying down on sand is way better than lying down on a bunch of hard as hell rocks”.

“Oh, hush,” he amusedly shut you up, placing a gentle hand to your back after having let you go first so he could make sure you wouldn’t slip —and that he would catch you in case you did—. “You just keep climbing up and shut that pretty mouth of yours”.

You shut your mouth; not because he told you to, but because his words sounded lovely —although taunting— enough to bring heat to your cheeks and make you forget how to speak altogether.

He could tell the way you were feeling, you realised when you heard a breathy laugh escape his mouth. He was enjoying it too much, but it was fair, considering he wanted to have that kind of effect on you.

Thankfully, the climb up the rocks wasn’t that high, otherwise the tension taking over while his hand remained on your back and his heavy breathing would faintly hit your shoulder every other second, might’ve become too overwhelming for you to survive.

As soon as you reached the top and took a seat to look around, you were confused. You weren’t sure exactly where it was that he wanted you to go to next or even where to look at once up there, so you just turned around to him with knitted eyebrows as he finished climbing up and took a seat next to you. However, after taking what felt like five seconds to catch his breath, he stood up.

“Okay, now let’s go down” he offered his hand once more to help you up.

“What? Like, to the same place we just came up from?”

He chuckled, amusedly shaking his head before he leaned down to grab your upper arm and help you up. “Will you just trust me on this?”

“I mean, you could be taking me to my deathbed right now and I wouldn’t even know”.

He rolled his eyes, carefully guiding you over to the other end of the rocks, so you could begin your two minutes journey down. “Everyone knows you’re with me right now, wouldn’t be really smart for me to murder you”.

“Reassuring” you smiled cynically, earning a throaty laugh from him and a light —actually reassuring— squeeze from his hand.

Without another word, you let him help you on your way down. It was cute how focused he was on making sure you wouldn’t have trouble with it and wouldn’t get hurt, to the point he tripped at one point; thankfully only right before you reached the safety of the ground, so it didn’t really matter.

"What even is this place?" you breathily let out, turning around to finally take a look at your surroundings.

It was only then that you realised what he had meant by ‘alone’ and ‘recharging’. The place he had taken you to seemed to be another shore within the same lake; a much smaller one, which could comfortably fit around five or six people at most.

The rocks formed some kind of fence around a few meters of the lake, which was tall enough to keep people from seeing what was on the other side, and which made most of them —you included— believe that was all there was to it: Just a bunch of rocks.

Only the curious ones who were willing to climb said bunch of rocks for no apparent reason, like Hyunjin, were privileged enough to discover such a gemstone.

"I don't even know, to be honest" Hyunjin laughed, walking up to the spot close to the water where one of the rocks blocked the sun and provided some shadow. "Found it the first time we came here. Minji and I were taking a walk and I felt like climbing all the way up the rocks and came across this place. I don't think anyone knows about it".

"Well, I surely didn't" you confirmed, looking around in awe. It almost felt cozy, like a small fort you would build as a child. "You and Minji did a pretty good job at keeping it from us".

"Oh, Minji doesn't know about it".

You stopped in your tracks, almost not believing your ears. "She… she doesn't?"

"Nope," he shrugged, sitting down on the sand and patting the spot next to him for you to do the same.

When you hesitated, visibly having a hard time believing him, he sighed.

"Why'd you even believe I told her?"

"I mean… Wasn’t she with you?” you questioned, finally sitting down next to him.

He shook his head no. “She didn’t want to climb up with me. I mean, she was wearing a dress, so I guess it’s understandable” a chuckle abandoned his lips, and a bittersweet smile crept up in yours over the fact that he even remembered what she was wearing on the first day you ever came here years ago. “But yeah, I saw this place from all the way up and just kept it to myself. I could use some peace of mind during these trips”.

“You say it like we’re chaotic as hell” you laughed.

“Aren’t you?” he taunted.

You playfully shoved him away. “You should really include yourself in that sentence, Hwang Hyunjin”.

“Nah, I don’t think I belong there” he denied, having a hard time holding his smile. “Which is why I kept this place all to myself this far”.

You bit your lip, concealing a smile not to show how flattered you were to be the first and only person he had ever shared this place with — for not only had he told you about it, but he had taken it upon himself to pull you away from your group of friends and take you all the way here with him.

“Minji would be so mad if she ever found out you kept this from her…”

Hyunjin shrugged, resting his head on yours and making goosebumps form on your skin. “I don’t have to share everything with her”.

“She’s your best friend, though” you pointed out.

“So?” he asked, sitting up. “Do you share everything with Seungmin?”

You stayed quiet. He had a point. You did mainly share everything with him, from your achievements to your failures, and from your happiness to your sadness. But there were still a few things you kept to yourself, like the way you had felt about Hyunjin all along. Yes, he knew you had a bit of a crush on him, and he also knew you had grown closer since Minji left, but your actual feelings for the guy next to you, he had no idea about.

Your feelings for Hyunjin were something you had decided to keep to yourself and deal with on your own. There was too much at stake, and you wanted to believe you’d have enough control over the situation in case things went south. As long as you didn’t tell anyone, even if it was obvious in their eyes, you liked to believe you would be able to just forget about it all at the snap of your fingers.

Hyunjin nodded to himself at your silence — unaware of what was going through your mind yet knowing that just like that he had proven his point.

“Besides, she’s a blabbermouth. She would’ve told everyone else by now”.

You snorted, looking down for a moment to hold your laughter and missing the way his eyes lit up at the sight of you. "I'm telling her you called her that".

"Ugh, don't tell me I brought a snitch to my precious secret spot" he whined, dramatically resting his head on your shoulder. "Is that all, though?"

"Hm?"

"I was supposed to tell her because she's my best friend?"

“No, but…” you stayed quiet for a moment, pondering whether you should say what was at the tip of your tongue or not. "It's just…"

"What is it?" he straightened up, furrowing his eyebrows as he waited for your answer.

"This is such a stereotypical making out spot".

He snorted, disbelief written all over his face. "What?"

"Yeah, like, think of all the couples that have found this place at some point and used it to do their thing".

"Ew," he cringed, glaring at you right after. "You did not just ruin my favourite spot for me".

"I'm just saying," you laughed, playfully shoving away the accusatory finger of his that was pointing at you. "This is like, the perfect making out spot to bring the person you have feelings for".

"I brought you, didn't I?"

Your cheeks were hit by a rush of heat instantly, and not even lowering your head helped you hide from him what his words had done to you.

"Stop…" you lightly shoved him away with your shoulder. "I guess it caught me off guard that you didn't bring her here at some point since you've always been in love with her".

"In love with her?" He looked incredulous; you just nodded. "I'm not, though?"

"Hyunjin…" you murmured, almost begging for him not try and fool you.

"I haven't always been in love with her…" he mumbled, looking down for a second before his eyes locked with yours. "Definitely am not in love with her anymore".

You smiled bittersweetly. "Right".

"I'm not, Y/N" he reassured you.

"Since when?" you wondered.

He said nothing — simply staring into your eyes was enough for you to have your answer.

Whatever was going on between the two of you was unspoken, recent, and therefore he couldn't give you a proper answer without having it turn out as a confession and risking scaring you away.

He wasn't confident enough to verbally confess the feelings he had caught for you this past month yet, but the sincerity in his eyes had managed to give you the answer you were looking for.

Since she left.

Since you and him grew closer together and something changed in the way he saw you.

"Is a month or so really enough to get over your best friend?" you mumbled.

"It's not like I was head over heels in love with her" he mindlessly played with the sand under his hands. "It was just… a little crush".

You laughed under your breath, shaking your head rather weakly as you laid your back on the sand — mentally scolding yourself for not having brought your blanket with you to lie down on.

A little crush. You should know about it.

You were sure just a little crush wouldn't make him look at her the way he did, and it most definitely wouldn't have him unconsciously call her the most beautiful woman his eyes had ever seen.

But you were done arguing with him. In the end, it changed nothing — he did feel some type of way for her before she left; and even after she left, up until you had come up to change that now, apparently.

Besides, no matter how hard you tried to fight it, a part of you believed him. He looked at you different now. He acted different around you. And although you tried not to fall for it, deep down you knew it was already a lost battle.

Not knowing what to say nor what to feel about his advances, you closed your eyes. You could feel him staring at you for a while, yet you were too shy to acknowledge it, until he finally laid down next to you.

"Are we napping now?" Hyunjin asked, changing the topic after getting the hint about you no longer wanting to talk about the whole feelings thing.

"You said you wanted to come here to recharge, didn't you?" you smiled.

Although your eyes remained closed, you felt him smile brightly next to you. "And napping is your way of recharging?"

"Isn't it yours?"

"I just wanted to come here and spend some time with you, if I'm honest".

At that, you opened your eyes. Much to your surprise, his dark brown ones were already focused on you.

"Thank you…" you smiled sweetly.

He looked confused. "What for?"

"For trusting me with your precious secret spot" your choice of words had him rolling his eyes. "I won't tell anyone about it, I promise".

Hyunjin smiled, no longer being able to hold himself back and throwing an arm around your shoulders. You didn't fight back when he pulled you to his chest, if anything, you made yourself comfortable on it.

"In case it wasn't clear, even if you did tell someone, because I can’t really trust you with Seungmin,” his statement earned an incredulous scoff from you. “You're not allowed to come here with anyone else but me".

You chuckled, shaking your head and closing your eyes once more as you relaxed under his touch. "Would never even dream to betray you like that".

-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-♡

"What took you guys so long?" Chan asked as soon as you and Hyunjin arrived back.

The sun had already set a couple of minutes ago, and you were met with an already lit up bonfire while all your friends sat down around it.

You didn't even have the chance to play your late arrival off by silently sitting down until someone noticed you had finally made it back, for all their eyes were fixed on you since the second you reached your camping spot. Not even the few branches you had collected on your way back, to make it seem like you had wandered off together with the intention to collect some for the bonfire, would help you out of this situation.

Having everyone silently questioning you right then, you came to the conclusion that maybe taking a nap wasn't the brightest of your ideas — not when you were a proper five minute walk from your camping spot and hadn't set up an alarm to wake you up from the dream you were having in the arms of the person your heart felt most at peace with.

Hyunjin shrugged, refraining from giving them an actual answer as he nudged you to walk over to them and throw the thin pieces of wood you had collected into the fire, later taking a seat next to each other by it.

"You know what's funny?" Changbin spoke up next to you, with a hint of a smirk already showing on his face. "I'm pretty sure I saw them walking towards the lake, but when Minho and I got there later they were nowhere to be seen".

Once again, all eyes were on you. This time, though, you managed to see some dropped jaws.

"Did you guys get lost in the woods or something?" Han teased, rapidly moving his eyebrows up and down.

"I'm watching you, Hwang" Seungmin glared at him from the other side of the bonfire, earning a laugh from all of you.

Hyunjin raised both hands up, pleading innocence. "I did nothing".

"Did Y/N do something then?" Changbin teased.

You rolled your eyes, pressing a finger to your mouth "Quiet".

"Is that a yes?"

"Oh, my God" you whined, covering your face with both hands in embarrassment.

“Okay, okay. Leave the lovebirds alone” Hyejin came to your rescue — kind of.

“Have you guys had dinner yet?” you tried to change the subject.

“Nice save” Minho saluted you. “But no, we wanted to hang out here for a bit before. It got pretty cold”.

You nodded, silently. As if on cue, a light, cold breeze hit your body, making you hug yourself instinctively before you leaned closer to the fire and reached your hands out in hopes to get warmer.

Your eyes snapped back towards Hyunjin when you felt him leave your side, watching him go to the tent he was sharing with Lix and get something you could not quite tell apart from the distance, given how dark it was over there. When he got close enough to the bonfire again for you to see what he was holding, however, you smiled.

Before the words ‘thank you’ could even leave your mouth, he was placing a blanket over your shoulders and sitting down next to you.

“Anyone else?” Hyunjin asked, holding out a spare blanket he had brought just in case.

“Me!” Hyejin raised her hand from three seats away, reaching for the blanket Hyunjin was now offering her and then throwing it around her body — in the matter of just one second managing to look like a burrito.

“Gotta step up your game, Felix” Han called him out, shaking his head in feigned disappointment.

“Fuck off” he glared at him, only for his girlfriend to laugh next to him and pull him into her embrace.

Felix smiled in adoration, resting his head on Hyejin’s while he made himself cozy under the blanket she had just shared with him.

“I just got called single in like five different languages” Han sulked.

You laughed at the scene playing in front of you. Well, mainly at Han and his antics, for you could only smile and stare in awe at the lovely couple cuddling right there. They were so happy. They had always been happy together, always so unproblematic, and you could only wish to ever be part of a relationship like that.

You didn’t want that with just anyone, though, and the fact that the person you wanted it with was sitting right next to you did not help your case at all.

It was tough to be craving that much intimacy with someone who was right there, yet things weren’t clear enough between the two of you for you to just go for it.

You wanted to be able to do with Hyunijn what Hyejin had just done with Felix. You wanted to just rest your head on his shoulder and pull him into your embrace. You wanted to be close to him in every way possible, feeling his calm breathing next to you as you enjoyed the sight and warmth of the fire.

And maybe you were overthinking way too much, for sharing a blanket while camping was not that deep and it didn’t precisely have to mean anything, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to offer it to him, because, to you, it was that deep and it did mean something.

Silently staring at him as he had by now joined the new conversation you were not paying attention to, you felt your heart melt at the side view of his bright smile.

You didn't know how many minutes had gone by, but at one point you felt him shiver, and then lean towards the fire just like you had done before, as he looked for the warmth of it.

Looking down to the fluffy fabric hugging your body, you felt guilty to have taken his blanket when he clearly needed it too. You knew it was the chance you had been looking for to offer him to share it and that way cuddle him as platonically as you could, but after giving it a second thought you came to terms with the fact that you didn’t have enough courage to do so. Instead, you offered him the whole blanket.

“Huh?” Hyunjin questioned, taken aback when you took it off and handed it to him.

“You’re cold” you stated the obvious, motioning for him to take it.

“So are you” he pointed out.

“Yeah, but it’s your blanket”.

Hyunjin stayed silent for a couple of seconds, eyes going from you to the blanket in your hands and so on. Then, as if a lightbulb had just been lit up above his head, he smiled.

Taking the blanket from your hands, he threw it over your backs, making sure you’d hold onto the other end before he made himself cozier next to you.

“We can share”.

You bit your lip, lowering your head not to show the effect his actions had once more had on you. How could he make it look so simple? Just throw a blanket over your bodies, pull you closer and then say that you could share, like it was nothing?

A part of you was worried he would feel your heartbeat racing, even though your arm was the one leaning against him and not your chest. It was just beating that hard, and you grew even shyer when your eyes locked with Seungmin’s. Somehow, you felt like one look at you and Hyunjin snuggling up —if you could call it that— was all it took for him to figure everything out.

The crush you had told him about months ago, only then was confirmed right in front of his eyes not to only be one simple crush. And most definitely not a one sided one, like you had claimed it was back then.

“Something wrong?” Hyunjin asked quietly, leaning in towards your ear for only you to hear.

You shook your head no, smiling softly before turning your head to him. “Everything’s fine”.

Perfect, actually.

Hyunjin nodded, moving closer to you and hesitatingly bringing his hand up to hover your back. “Is it okay if I…”

Catching on with his intentions when he lightly tapped your back, you hummed in affirmation; tensing up for a second over the unknown feel of his hand on your waist, before you relaxed under his gentle, loving touch. You were nervous, of course, but it would've been odd for you not to ultimately feel at ease when his thumb began to draw small circles on the curve of your waist.

Maybe you got too carried away, or maybe you simply stopped worrying too much, but you found yourself resting your head on his shoulder — not even having time to doubt your own actions before his head was resting on yours.

As cliché as it was, you wished that moment would last forever. It felt so natural, like your head belonged on his shoulder and his hand belonged on your waist. Like you belonged together.

Your friends had silently agreed on not teasing you anymore; just carrying on with the conversation as if seeing you together like that was by now a daily occurrence.

Hyunjin pulled you closer, and with his lips faintly brushing the crown of your head, you began to doze off.

His phone buzzing in his pocket managed to stop you from falling asleep completely. However, he, too, was so immersed in the comfort your touch and warmth brought him, that he didn't even feel it moving directly against his body.

"Your phone" you quietly brought it to his attention.

"What?"

"Your phone's buzzing" you clarified, lightly pressing your legs to his so he could take a hint.

"Oh, right" he finally got it, earning a small laugh from you as he reached into his pocket and took his phone out. "It's Minji".

You couldn't help it, but your body tensed up.

"Minji?" Han asked quite eagerly.

"Isn't it like six A.M. over there?" Hyejin's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Hyunjin shrugged. "She's Facetiming, hold on".

Watching him sit up straight and fix his hair right before taking the call, you moved slightly away from him, putting some distance in between the two of you. That small action of yours didn't go unnoticed by Hyunjin, but he decided to say nothing. It must've been nothing after all, right?

"Hey!" He greeted her cheerfully as soon as her face was on the screen.

"Hello~" Minji answered rather cutely. Your stomach twisted. "How's everyone?"

"Everyone's okay, they're all here, actually" Hyunjin let her know.

That simple statement was all it took for your seats to be taken over by all your friends — all ten of you trying your best to fit on the small screen that Hyunjin was struggling to keep as far as possible from his face, so that everyone could have a look.

Staring at your friend through the screen, you could tell she was just waking up. She was at the other side of the world, after all. But even then, when her hair was still messy and her face was completely bare, she managed to look as endearing as ever.

She looked happy. Tired, of course, given what time it was over there, but happy nonetheless. That same welcoming smile you knew so well was still intact, even while she was being attacked with questions from the entire friend group.

You tried your best not to look at Hyunjin all throughout the conversation. You knew it wouldn't do you any good to see him looking at her — not when you already knew the oh-so-special way he did. That one look in his eyes he only had when it came to her.

You also tried your best not to think of how usual these video calls were. They were best friends, for fucks sake, and they were half a world apart from each other on top of that. If it were you and Seungmin, you knew you'd be calling on a daily basis.

But Hyunjin and Minji were different. And the selfish part of you didn't want to think he was Facetiming her every single day when that seemed to be your thing now.

As stupid as you knew it was, you couldn't stop your head from hurting right then; all because of your own intrusive thoughts.

"We miss you!" Han shouted.

"Yeah, you should call the whole group more often" Chan accused her.

"Oh my God, you should show us around the filming set sometime" Felix excitedly requested.

"Have you met any celebrities?" Jeongin asked.

And the fact that everyone was talking so loudly and eagerly to the phone, as if its microphone wasn't working or something, was definitely not helping your abrupt headache.

"One by one, people. Please" she joked. "I miss you all so much and I will get to you in a minute, but I called Jinnie, so…"

"She said priorities," Minho joked with a roll of eyes. "Let's leave before our dignity hits rock bottom, guys".

Chuckling at his salty remark and watching everyone stand up so they could either go back to their seats or straight up go somewhere else after the bonfire bonding had been interrupted, you hesitated for a moment. Ultimately, however, you stood up too — not being able to decipher the look Hyunjin gave you when you were no longer sitting next to him, and your end of the blanket remained unattended.

Without much thought, you went to the place that felt the most familiar and, therefore, the most comfortable — Seungmin. He was back on his previous seat, mindlessly scrolling through his Twitter feed when you took a seat beside him.

He didn't even budge when you placed your head on his shoulder, silently reading whatever Tweet he decided to stop at.

"You should've brought the blanket" he said plainly when a breeze of cold air hit your bodies, eyes not leaving his phone. "It's cold".

You snorted. "It's Hyunie's blanket. You can go get another one to your tent if you're that cold".

"Just go ask your boyfriend for it, he's giving it to you in a heartbeat".

Your jaw dropped at his nonchalant statement, not minding holding back when you pushed him with both palms and almost made him fall off his chair.

"You're a menace" he accused you, holding onto your upper arm for dear life.

"You started it" you defended yourself.

"Just go get a blanket!" He motioned towards his tent.

"It's your tent, you go".

"Fine! But I swear to God I won't be shar—"

"Um…" Hyunjin's low voice brought your attention to him.

He was awkwardly standing in front of you, folded blanket in his hands while his eyes travelled from you to Seungmin, almost as if pondering his next move.

In the end, they focused on Seungmin.

"You think you can, um…" he nervously cleared his throat. "Leave us to it for a bit?"

Your heart skipped a beat, and your eyes fixed on Seungmin, who was already squinting his eyes in your direction.

The things he had to do for you and the sake of your romantic life.

Standing up without another word and with a quick glance to Hyunjin, he went over to Jeongin and Chan, who were busy chugging two of the beer cans you had no idea were there to begin with. Next to them was Hyejin, who was now holding Hyunjin’s phone as you supposed she was the next to talk to Minji one-on-one.

You frowned. You would’ve thought Minji’s conversation with Hyunjin would go on for ten minutes at least. Had it only been two minutes? Three at most?

Hyunjin took a seat next to you, placing the blanket around your body. His hands remained on your shoulders, tenderly massaging them before he rested his head on yours. You pouted, leaning into his body and burying your face on the crook of this neck.

"Why'd you leave?" he asked.

You shrugged, unintentionally tickling his neck and making goosebumps show up on his skin.

"Hm?" he pushed it, gently nudging you.

"Didn't wanna interrupt" you replied quietly.

"Interrupt?"

"Yeah, like… Minji called you, so…"

"She just wanted to tell me about what happened at the studio today and the instructions the director was giving, you know, to give me some tips since I aim to get there at some point".

You smiled weakly, being reminded of how even when it came to their careers they were a better fit than you and him. An actress and a film producer. It was a match made in Heaven.

"It's not like we were talking about anything top secret" he tried to reassure you when you wouldn't reply.

"No, but…" you sighed. "I don't know".

“Tell me”.

“It would’ve just… We were being way too cozy, and she was watching, I didn’t want to have her think that we’re—you know…”

Hyunjin frowned, looking down to his fidgeting hands on his lap. “But we are, though… Aren’t we?”

You looked up at him in surprise, and he could feel his heart flutter at the sight of your shining, incredulous eyes.

“We are?” you asked in a whisper.

“Do you…” he bit his lip, silently looking for the right words. “Do you really think I’m in love with her?”

You shrugged, sitting up and leaning away from him.

“Y/N…”

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, it’s always been so obvious”.

“It was nothing, though”.

You snorted at that, shaking your head in disbelief while you focused on one of the trees in front.

“I mean it,” he reassured you, cupping your chin and guiding your face in his direction, giving you no choice but to look at him and feel your breath get caught in your throat over how little distance separated your face from his. “Whatever silly crush I had on her is gone by now”.

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me”.

“But I do,” he disagreed. “I do need to explain myself if it’s gonna jeopardize my relationship with you”.

“R-Relationship?” you whispered again, this time almost inaudibly.

"I mean, not like—I know we don't," he panicked, and you couldn't help but smile ever so faintly at the way his eyes opened wider than usual and his cheeks became a bright pink. "I'm just—in the future maybe, like…"

"Like…" you trailed off, giving him the little push he needed to go on.

Hyunjin took a deep breath. His hands were no longer cupping your face, but nervously shoved into his pockets instead. Suddenly, he had lost all the sudden confidence he previously had when it came to making it clear to you that he no longer wanted anything to do with Minji.

But he wanted things to be clear between the two of you. He wanted you to know that whatever it was he once felt for her, was now gone.

He wanted you to know he wanted you.

So, earning back every ounce of confidence he once had, he took his hands out of his pockets and held yours in them — his thumbs ever so tenderly caressing your soft skin, staring at them with the softest of smiles before his eyes went back up to your already elated ones.

“I like you, Y/N” he confessed. “I really, really like you".

"You do?" you murmured, not believing your ears.

"Mhm…" he nodded, feeling shyness hit him like a truck all over again yet refusing to let it take control over him. "I want to give us a try, I want to be with you, and… I just, I don’t want you to believe I'm stuck on Minji when I'm not".

You looked down to your lap and simply nodded, silently — visibly enough for him to know you heard him, yet not confidently enough for him to think you trusted him.

Everything he had just said was exactly what you wanted to hear. He wanted to be with you. Not her, you. He liked you, and wanted to give your relationship a try. Then why was your gut not allowing you to feel as happy as you should be?

"Can you please say something?" he whispered, nervously biting on his bottom lip.

"I, I don't…"

"You don't like me back?" he assumed; defeat clear in his eyes.

"No, I do!" you clarified embarrassingly fast, not even getting to feel ashamed about it after seeing the way his whole face lit up. "I do. I do like you".

He laughed under his breath, blissfully — thumbs still drawing circles in the palms of your hands, only this time it felt playful.

"What's stopping us then?" Hyunjin asked.

You shrugged, letting out a sigh as you looked up to the sky. "It's not even been two months since she left…"

He sighed heavily, cupping your face with one of his hands and making you look at him once more. "I know it seems like too little time, but I fell so hard so fast for you, Y/N. I can't even understand it either, but I did".

"What about when she comes back…"

"Does it matter?" He tilted his head in confusion. "I'll be with you, nothing's gonna change".

"She's coming back in five months," you pointed out, a small smirk curving up your lips. "You really think we'll last that long?"

Hyunjin giggled, resting his forehead on yours and smoothly pulling you closer to him by firmly placing a hand on your back.

"I think we'll last longer than that, actually".

That did it for you. Those confident words coming out of his mouth, his lips only inches from yours and his strong hand on your back, were all it took for you to shut down every rational part of your mind and to let your heart take over instead.

You wanted to be with him, and he wanted to be with you. So what if he used to have feelings for your mutual friend; it didn’t have to be so complicated.

And maybe, in the long run, that had been your biggest mistake. Pushing all your worries aside and just diving into your feelings for him. Rushing into things. Letting go of your inhibitions that night and never looking back from a decision you made in the heat of the moment.

Your biggest mistake was forgetting about the reason you were sitting all the way across from your previous seats around the bonfire to begin with, and why Hyunjin had come up to you in order to comfort you and reassure you of the way he felt for you.

The reason of all your insecurities was currently at the other side of the world, and Hyunjin was all the way over here with you. It was just that easy to forget about your concerns when the cause of them was nowhere near. Especially when the person your heart was crazy about was holding you so close.

Chuckling at those words that had made you risk it all, you placed your hands on his chest and softly nuzzled his nose. "You think so?"

"What, you wanna bet?" He challenged with a raised eyebrow.

You shook your head no immediately, as a laugh escaped your throat. And with each shake of your head, you moved closer to him — until there was no more space between your mouths, and your puckered lips were softly pressing on his receptive ones.

They felt just like everything you had ever dreamed of, but better. They tasted sweet, just like him; and they somehow felt even softer and plumper than they looked.

With your heart speeding up in such a way you had not felt in so long, you pulled away, feeling your cheeks burn up while your face remained buried in his neck in a poor attempt to hide from what you had just done.

"Oh, no. No," he warned you, tilting his head towards your hidden face and placing his hand on your neck — gently, yet strong enough to manage to make you look up at him. "You don't get to kiss me and then pull away before I get a proper taste of you".

His lips were trapping your bottom one before you could even register his words. He pulled you in closer, hand travelling from the back of your neck to the side of it, so that he could hold you still while his thumb was faintly pressing on your throat.

He deepened the kiss in no time, tilting his head to the side right as his tongue traced your bottom lip for you to open up. Once you did, he was greatly met by yours in the middle — tenderly massaging each other for a brief moment, before you focused back on sucking and teasing your needy lips.

"Did this answer your question?" he whispered against your mouth.

Too far gone in the sensation of his addictive lips on yours and the way his hot breath hit your mouth as it mixed with your own, you struggled to find your voice. "W-What even was the question?"

Hyunjin giggled, louder this time. Both hands cupped your cheeks, and his thumbs tickled your bottom lip as they faintly traced it. "You're so cute".

You looked down, not being able to hold his stare after hearing such a statement come out of his swollen, pink lips. Hyunjin laughed under his breath at the sight of it, planting a soft kiss on your forehead before he pulled you into his arms and fixed the blanket that was sliding down your shoulders.

"Are you two lovebirds done exchanging saliva?" Minho asked from the table a few meters away, mindlessly opening a red cooler.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, and you shyly buried your face in the crook of his neck like it was oh-so-natural by now.

"Is that a yes?"

"What do you need?" you reluctantly gave in.

"You're literally the only person apart from me who knows how to properly fillet a fish, so…"

You sighed, sitting up and giving Hyunjin a lingering, apologetic look before you stood up.

"I can help, too" he stood up immediately after you, leaving the blanket by your chairs and following behind you.

"I actually need your help chopping the veggies" Hyejin caught him by his t-shirt before he could even reach your side.

"But I can help Y/N cut th—"

"You don't even know how to cut a fish" Hye mocked him.

"No, but—"

"Just give it up, lover boy" Seungmin shut every hope of his down, placing a firm hand on his shoulder and dragging him with them to the other end of the table. "Come join those of us on veggies duty, Y/N's not going anywhere".

Throwing one last glance your way and watching you fold up your sleeves right before you got to helping Minho, Hyunjin smiled. He wished you weren't interrupted because of veggies and fish duty, and therefore you could still be sitting down by the bonfire, all alone, making out like he then realised he was desperate to.

But Seungmin was right. You were not going anywhere. For as long as he stayed by your side, and for as long as he made you feel safe enough in your relationship, you would stay.

For as long as you knew he was yours and you were his, you were not going anywhere. And he planned to keep it that way, so there was truly nothing for him to worry about, right?

tag list: @brinnalaine @slut4colinbridgerton @sherryblossom @svintsandghosts @phenomenalgirl9 @meloncremesoda @jxcesstuff @nhyunn @armystay89 @mal-lunar-28 @143hyunes @seungminstaehyun @cutiespaghetti @chaotic-world-of-the-j @its-me-hyunjin @kwanisms @hyunfruits

#skz #stray kids #hyunjin #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #hyunjin imagines #skz fanfic #stray kids fanfic #hyunjin fanfic #skz scenarios #stray kids scenarios #hyunjin scenarios #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #hyunjin x reader

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shegeekery · 9 months ago

Text

Reparenting Loki

I want to talk about a dynamic in the Loki/Mobius relationship (in the Loki TV-series) that I've seen touched on but not really discussed in depth.

Note to Lokius-lovers: nothing I say here in any way precludes a healthy romantic relationship. They're both consenting adults, after all, and this wasn't a formal therapist-client relationship.

There's a technique in therapy called "reparenting". The idea is that trauma and behaviors caused by bad parenting can be addressed to some extent if the therapist assumes the role of a "good parent".

I think we can all agree that the "All-Father" was crap as an actual father. Odin knew that Loki took after him even more than Thor did, but many of those shared traits were things that he tried to hide from everyone, while Thor better represented the image he wanted to project. The result was a cruel favoritism, which was picked up by Thor and the rest of the Asgardians. Frigga's love and support wasn't enough to counteract that cruelty, particularly in a strongly patriarchal society like Asgard.

Side note (because I'm that kind of geek): there were so many similarities between Odin and Loki (Odin's friend and blood-brother rather than his son) in the old Norse myths that some scholars have suggested that Loki was at one point simply an aspect of Odin. There's also evidence that the stories as they came down to us were manipulated by the Christians who committed them to writing to shoehorn Loki into something more like the Christian Devil.

Anyway, getting back to our guys... Within the context of the TVA, Mobius represented an authority figure to Loki, who had a long history of rebelling against (or betraying) authority for obvious reasons.

I think the first turning point in the relationship for Loki was:

Loki: I am smart!

Mobius: I know. Loki is rarely left speechless, but his only response to Mobius's simple affirmation was a very un-Loki-like "Okay..." He didn't know how to respond because he wasn't used to that kind of thing, particularly from someone who had power over him. It happened again with:

Loki: A villain.

Mobius: That's not how I see it.

The dynamic between these two people throughout Season 1 was like that. Mobius's genuine love (whether you read it as romantic, platonic, fatherly, brotherly, or a mix of any or all of these) for and non-judgmental acceptance of Loki was apparent from the start, but of course Loki's experiences during his very long lifetime made it nearly impossible for him to trust that until Mobius's actions convinced him that it was real. Learning to trust Mobius also allowed Loki to see himself in a new light.

For his part, Mobius consistently modeled what a good father would have been: loving and accepting, yes, but still able to apply "tough love" when that was warranted. Mobius didn't put Loki into the bad-memory loop to punish him because he was angry (though he was angry, or at least a bit hurt and disappointed). He was just trying to force Loki to acknowledge a truth about himself so that they could move forward — and it worked!

Mobius's instincts and experience as an actual father to two boys, one reasonably well-behaved and the other a mischievous troublemaker, served him well in this, even if he didn't consciously remember his life on the timeline.

Mobius all but confirmed this when he said:

Mobius: I see a scared little boy, shivering in the cold...

It's also significant that when Loki brought this up later, he called it "patronizing", which we usually use to mean "condescending", but can also mean "supporting" and has its root in the Latin word "pater" (father).

I see the hug in episode 1-5 as a sign that the reparenting had taken hold, and that Loki, while not completely healed (it would take a lot more than that!), was at least in a place where he could trust someone, accept love/friendship, and think beyond his own wants and needs.

By Season 2, the relationship between the two men was evolving into one of equals, but even then Loki still occasionally looked to Mobius for guidance. Mobius's approval had become important to him. When Loki witnessed the firm but compassionate way in which Don dealt with two boys who were so like himself and Thor (despite being a stressed-out single dad rather than a god-king with tremendous resources at his disposal), he had to have seen that this was at the core of who Mobius was. Moreover, Loki — and any viewers who had similarly survived a traumatic childhood full of emotional abuse and neglect — probably guessed that Don himself was a survivor who was determined to see to it that his boys would never have to deal with that. If that was the case, then Mobius didn't just see his own son in Loki. He saw himself and couldn't help but empathize.

Don wasn't perfect. His frustration with his younger son was very evident, but Loki, observing, could see the love that lay under it. He may even have thought of times when Odin was driven to anger by Loki's actions and realized that the anger didn't necessarily mean that Odin didn't really love him. Learning to forgive what can be forgiven is another aspect of recovering from childhood trauma.

It's worth remembering that Mobius knew Loki in much the same way we do. We got to see the things that Loki never let anybody see: the fear, the vulnerability, the pain, the longing, and the sadness. (Doesn't hurt that TH can turn a simple reaction shot into a freakin' soliloquy!) The difference is that, while we only get to see the highlights (and lowlights) of Loki's life, Mobius had access to all of it and he had centuries to study it.

Mobius literally knew Loki better than anyone else in (or out) of the multiverse. How could he not love him? And for Loki, knowing that somebody who knew him that well genuinely cared so much for him (same with Sylvie, who understood him in ways that only another Loki could and vice-versa) had to have shaken him to his core and made him rethink a lot of things. The fact that it was Mobius to whom Loki turned in episode 2.6 when he thought he might have to kill Sylvie shows how much he still looked up to Mobius in many ways.

This was a show about redemption, yes, but also about healing from childhood trauma. They did an amazing job with it.

#loki #loki laufeyson #loki series #loki mcu #reparenting #lokius #mobius #childhood trauma

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ira-hydrangea · 2 years ago

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Replaced Au? Not really.... Final Part

That night, Eva disappear. The only one that knows what happened to her is only a few students.

Mc cure has been healed and now they try to heal after that terrible illness while also learning about magic.

No one talks about Eva and Mc is too busy trying magic and getting fascinated by their power. The boys watched in the background with a fond smile.

"You know... I never see Eva again. Where did she go?" Mc, asks suddenly. The first-year group stay silent before they look at Mc in confusion.

"Eva? Who is that?"

"Eh? you know that another magicless student beside me? You guys are the ones that introduced her to me." Mc explains while looking equally confused.

Deuce smiled awkwardly, "Um... We never accepted any new student."

"Yep. Besides, who wants to transfer in the middle of the semester?" ask Epel.

Ace smirk at Mc, "perhaps that long sleep really messed with your memory, Mc~. Did you need to go back to sleep to retrieve the memory?"

Mc pout before huffing, "...maybe. Ah! Just forget it."

"I once heard that anyone tends to confuse reality and dreams after a long illness. Maybe we should get you checked with Malleus or Lilia just to make sure." said Jack.

Mc then agree and followed them to get checked with Malleus. After that, they try to ask others and the answer they got is the same as their first-year group. So they decide to drop it and just accept that they just dreaming about that Eva person.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mysterious girl starts to wander around aimlessly in some town. When she got evacuated and get questioned, she can't even remember anything. And the only thing, she mumbles is the loss of heart. The investigation team tried to discover anything about the girl but there not a single piece of data appeared. No one knows her identity and her case created so much conspiracy.

The close piece of information they can closely match is the lost girl file that come 100 years ago. While their characteristics match each other, there is no way the lost girl can survive that long without aging. And so, the case is deemed as Unsolved Case.

The girl then gets put in so kind of mental institution for further investigation and observation while the police try everything they could to figure out her identity and what happen to her.

The end.

-------------------------------------

Okay. This series has finally finished. It's short, I know. But I didn't want to make a long fiction about this one or I can easily lose interest 😅.

I like to say that the 'rest of the story can be imagined later.' You guys can send a brain rot about this chapter and I can answer them while enjoying my holiday trip. Just don't expect me to answer it every day.

I will continue the event later after the new year. Thank you so much for you that have requested it. Now I'm officially closing the event for 1.100 followers!

I see you guys in the next piece of writing. Byee~

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@ladykitsunesworld @shutsuyuri @lilqi @fancyhawk45 @probablynoposts @justakiro @blue-yucca @love-thanatopsis @sxftiebee @salty-salty @zlatolait-writes @feiktn @redrosetrappola @littlewitchwonderland @ilikefanfics4 @deemayaz @unre-lated @deessenya @viostar2095 @sumiko0-0 @clovers-anxiety @fluffimemes @celestialbluebed @deadflycomputerlogs @percea @mouchie @nadjababygirl @migirizuki @h3apm3ch4n151m @rebloging-everything @crazyyanderefangirlfan @mikkies @iameliseposts @chay2 @ravenkake @r4mshackle @valeriele3 @maxx0inwonderland @kiznax

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #disney twisted wonderland #ira answer #twisted wonderland headcanons #twisted wonderland replaced mc au #replaced mc au

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nalyra-dreaming · 5 months ago

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Chryed3 said: Like you I like complicated stories with well layered characters and therefore have been drawn to the writings of Anne Rice. Prefacing by saying , even though the vampires are monsters, I love them for their imperfections—very human. I’ve been rereading the books and faithfully watching the TV series. Chef kisses to Rolin Jones team. Of course including the actors. I’m a Loustat cheerleader but also enjoy the other multiple relations throughout the series.

However, what I keep returning to over and over is Louis’ betrayal of Lestat. Having been on this planet myself for over 70 years and in a few relationships I know how devastated I was when a soon-to-be ex-lover had not been trustworthy, lied, and, or being too personal, just devastated me, the relationship etc. And then for Louis to silently agree to “We’re going to kill Lestat” had to break Lestat’s heart and soul. There’s no going back. (I know, Lestat can be very forgiving) But even centuries of living can’t change or annul that deep hurt.

But Lestat, monster that he is, is almost a sweetheart in that regard and I know we’re going to see it, but Louis needs to step up to the plate-. (having read the books I know he eventually does)

All of this to say , THAT is the moment I want to see. And that is when I’ll cry my eyes out in relief. Once again, I know we’ll get there but, gosh, sometimes I just want to slap Louis and say, “Snap out of I!” and I’ve never hit anyone in my life. That’s how great Jacob is doing his job and that’s how annoying Louis can be to evoke such feelings. No wonder Jacob asked people not to hate Louis. Jacob is doing such a great jog that whoa, it’s difficult not to be annoyed🙂

Love your blog. Sorry for the long post.

________

No apologies necessary :)))

And sending you a big hug for that emotional pain you have endured :/ I hope the wounds are healing, truly 💕

And yes - it had to break Lestat's heart to hear that. And I firmly believe that this is part of what sent him spiraling, though not all of course. But the pain of knowing the betrayal, before it happens? To wait for it? Stifling pain.

I think that is why "murder night" was almost a relief, finally. It happened, the dice were rolling, and with it came acceptance.

Louis says it in s1, but time offers perspective, and when Louis and Lestat will meet again properly - not at the trial I mean - then they both will have had time to reflect, to digest. To change, just a bit.

I mean, that is what happens with Lestat in the books, too, doesn't it. And Louis. They both get the time to let the feeling pass... and return to the longing for the other.

We, as mortals, usually do not have this extra time. We do not have 50 to 70 years we can sit back and just wallow in the feeling of betrayal, until it's diluted enough for us to move on from it.

Some people may be able to do it faster.

But I think it speaks for itself that even Lestat wasn't able to do it faster. I mean... we'll see it how they spin it at the trial, but even later, much later, there is still a certain pettiness between them, a certain grudge, that exists.

And in the show... I think one cannot quite say if the Lestat reaching out to Louis there via Armand (in 2x05) has already stomached the betrayal. Because it is one thing to have an acute point of worry, which this is, and another to forgive the other when they're back whole and safe and sound.

And so I think that... the decades apart is what offers them perspective. And forgiveness. Just like in the book.

And I think Anne was painfully aware when she wrote it like this. I'm not sure "we" could forgive like that. But... they, other than we do, have the time.

#submission #ask nalyra #amc iwtv #iwtv #amc interview with the vampire #interview with the vampire #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac #loustat

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pedrito-friskito · 2 years ago

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strawberry wine - joel miller x ofc!liv stone/fem!reader

after - part twenty-two

series masterlist | main masterlist | read on ao3

you agree to something...unexpected.

a/n: we're in the SHOW PLOT BABIESSSSS ugh I'm having so much fun with this 🤍

word count: 5.1k

warnings: canon-typical violence, you know the drill.

✨@friskito-library for updates on new parts/works✨

“I don’t know where he is, Liv, I swear.”

You sigh, leaning back in your chair, and dig in your pocket. You produce two ration cards, the highest value kind, and slide them across the table. “Now, you and I both know that’s a load of bullshit, Ted. So why don’t you stop wasting my time and tell me where Robert is?”

Ted’s a good kid. A little screwed up, sure, but so is every other kid that was born on the edge of the outbreak. He’s helped you out with a few jobs here and there, but lately, he’s been running shit for Robert, which made him the obvious first choice to find out where your least favourite smuggler had run off to.

You watch Ted’s eyes dart between the ration cards on the table between you and over your shoulder to where Joel and Tess are standing. Joel’s stance is wide, his hands shoved in his pockets, his brow hard. His eyes are glued to you, and you follow Ted’s eyes, glancing back at your husband and your friend.

“Don’t worry about them,” you tell the kid. “Look at me.”

“I told you, Liv, I don’t know where—”

“You don’t know where he is, yep, I heard you the first time. But I know it’s bullshit, because I know for a fact you were running a job for Robert three days ago, before my ass ended up in lock-up. And I also know that I saw you just outside the warehouse district, and ten minutes later, I have FEDRA all over me. You screwed me, so give me this, and I won’t let Joel break your jaw.”

The kid whimpers.

You reach into your pocket, pull out another card. “Now, Ted. Or I walk.”

His throat bobs, but he reaches for the cards. Bingo. “T-there’s a red-tagged building, Stillman and Cross. He said he was taking the battery there, that he had someone else who would pay triple what Tess offered.”

You stare him down for a moment. “You know what happens if I find out you’re lying, don’t you?”

His eyes shift from your face back to Joel over your shoulder. “I do.”

“Broken jaws take a long time to heal,” you say almost casually, and Ted nods. You slide out of your seat. “See you around, kid.”

As soon as you’re close enough, Joel and Tess start to walk, and you fall into step with them, fitting yourself between them both. “Well?” Joel prompts, his hand finding the small of your back.

“Cost me three cards,” you tell them, “but he told me. Red-tagged building at Stillman and Cross.”

Joel’s brow lifts. “Wasn’t that a Firefly building, back when Tommy joined?”

Tess nods. “It was. Then they emptied out, and Miguel took over.” Her eyes shift to you, and she clears her throat. “It was empty again, last I heard.”

You shake a memory away. “I have a thought. We take the subway tunnel under Haymarket, that gets us into the building from below, and we can take him by surprise. He’ll never see us coming, and if all three of us go, he doesn’t stand a chance.”

“Pay this fucker back,” Joel says, and you can’t help your grin.

You go back to the apartment. Tess heads up to her place to get her bag, and the moment you’re through the door, you beeline for the wardrobe, digging out your guns, your knives, the bat. Joel had reluctantly put everything away after you’d convinced him not to go straight after Robert. You needed to be smart about it, to get the battery, and once the plan was more fleshed out, when you realized Ted would know where Robert was and you had a place to start, he softened slightly.

Only slightly.

Time has made Joel harder. It’s made you both harder, both new versions of yourselves you hadn’t anticipated turning into. The last decade has pushed you both to your limits, in every goddamn sense, but still, your love for each other? That’s never so much as wavered. Never.

It’s mostly weapons, in your bags. Ration cards, emergency supplies on the off-chance you need to make a quick getaway after you confront Robert. Bolt cutters. Ideally, you’ll go, scare the shit out of him, get the battery, then come back home. You’ll plan a real route, get the truck from Lee, and off you go.

It’s pouring rain, by the time you meet Tess in the lobby and step back out into the streets. Joel keeps a tight grip on your hand as you head towards the subway, and all three of you are soaked to the bone when you reach Haymarket, you and Tess standing in front, trying to look casual while Joel clips the chain on the door with the bolt cutters.

You all step through, crouching to fish flashlights out of your packs. The bat is tucked between your shoulders, mostly hidden by your bag, but you go for your gun instead. “Ready?” Tess asks, and you both nod, heading down the stairs.

The flashlight beams light the way, revealing mouldy walls, cracks in the ceiling letting rainwater drip down over you. Joel shoves his hand through his hair, wet strands slicking back across his scalp, and you can’t stop yourself from thinking idly that he looks good.

The steps down were at least partially lit between your flashlights and the diffused daylight coming through the windows, but as you descend into the subway tunnel itself, it’s nearly pitch black. Not a shock — you used to meet people down here all the time to trade — but it still makes your gut twist. A few years back, you’d heard rumours about a swarm of Infected that had stumbled in through the opposite end, which fed out into the open city. No more subway drops for you.

There are multiple doorways that lead up from the tunnels, the few you’ve used over the years to get out of the QZ proper, others that have helped when you almost got caught out after curfew. There are a few offices, maintenance rooms and supply bunkers that have served in a pinch.

“That’s the one,” Tess says, pointing to one of the little staircases that lead up from the subway rail itself. She goes first, and you follow, Joel close behind, his hand bumping your leg as you walk up the few steps. Tess opens the door, stepping inside, and you go to follow again, but Joel hooks his fingers into your back pocket, stalling you.

There’s no noise, at first, and you move toward the doorway. When Tess’s shouted oh fuck! echoes through the tunnel, you bolt forward, gun raised, with Joel a half-step behind you. “What?”

Then you see it. The far wall of the office. You can just barely make out the body within the fungus, nothing human left, just cordyceps spreading across the tile. The face open in a silent roar, fungi sprouting from the mouth, the eyes, the ears. Frozen in place, creeping in every direction. Taking over, even buried beneath the earth.

“This one’s done,” Joel declares, shining his light on what used to be the person’s face. That’s one thing you’ve learned about the Infected, over the years: nothing lasts forever. The infection can only push the human body so far, and it gets to the point where there’s nothing left for the infection to puppet.

Beside you, Tess exhales sharply, a hand pressed to her chest. “Yeah, I know, I just…I wasn’t expecting it.”

Joel glances at you. “That wasn’t down here last time?”

You shake your head. “Nothing was. But when was the last time we were here, Tess? A year? Two?”

“More than that,” she answers, sweeping her flashlight beam over the body. “You think he came down after he was infected?”

Joel sighs, and his words send a prickle through you. “Maybe down here is where he was infected.”

Tess stares at the body for a moment before she turns away. You clear your throat, tap your flashlight to Joel’s. “Let’s keep moving.”

The office leads into a narrow hallway, a series of ladders that have been tied and strapped together leaned against the wall. Probably not up to code, but it’ll do. Tess slides her flashlight into the strap of her bag, and you and Joel do the same, both peering up as Tess grips the ladder and starts moving up. “It’s like they reframed the whole structure,” Joel says, tapping your ass as you move to follow Tess. “Probably in the eighties. Everyone was cutting down on apartment sizes to sell more condos.”

Tess pauses, shooting you a look over her shoulder. “This has been Construction Corner with Joel Miller.”

You sputter out a laugh, the ladder wobbling in your grip, and when you look behind you, Joel looks less than impressed. “Hey, I’d watch it.”

“Sure you would,” he grunts, swatting your ankle. “Keep goin’.”

A few more rungs before you call out to Tess. “How far up we gonna go?”

“Uh,” she pauses, swinging her boot off the rung and onto what looks like solid floor, “this far.”

You all shuffle off the ladder one by one, Joel grabbing your hand when you offer it, while Tess pushes on the makeshift door cut into the drywall from the inside. It’s been a long time since you and her came in this way. “This opens into the hallway,” she says, more for Joel’s benefit than your own. “What the fuck? Someone put a piano in front of this?”

Joel sweeps his flashlight over the ceiling, catching on old pieces of insulation and cracked drywall. As Tess pushes on the door again, something hits your nose and you wince, the telltale tang of wasted ammunition curling at the back of your throat. “Wait,” you whisper, grabbing her forearm, stopping her from moving the door again. “You smell that?”

“Gunpowder,” Joel answers, and the beam of his flashlight traces the door, down to the bottom, where you see a thin drip of blood seeping through the bottom crack, pooling on the floor. “Shit.”

Both you and Joel draw your guns, and you push forward, Joel calling your name as you shove your shoulder into the door, sliding it open. The body that was leaned against it slumps over as you step through, peering around, something in you twisting when you see the dead man’s face.

Robert.

“Fuck,” you murmur, stepping through the door completely, your gun still raised. Joel’s right behind you, his brow furrowed, Tess a step behind him. Both their flashlights rake over Robert’s body, and over the car battery on the ground beside him. Tess steps towards the battery, inspecting it closer, while you turn to Joel, seeing the displeasure on his face. “The fuck happened here?”

He just shakes his head, jaw set, mouth a firm line.

“Well, the battery’s no good,” Tess informs you, nudging it with her boot. “And he still tried to sell it. Twice.”

“You’re shocked?” you scoff, glancing up the hall. There are more Fireflies, all of them riddled with bullets, bodies propped against the wall. “Doesn’t surprise me one bit. Greedy fuck.”

Someone lets out a pained groan, somewhere nearby, and you all jump on the defence, guns raised. Joel steps in front of you as you move down to where the hallway crosses with another, and you move to his right side. There’s mumbled conversation, words you can’t make out as Joel presses himself to the wall, inching towards the corner.

“Shit…Oh god, just…fuck!”

Joel turns the corner, and you’re quick to follow, both of you with your guns raised, steps silent as you creep closer towards the two women toward the end of the hall, one helping the other to her feet.

Suddenly, the door you’re barely in front of swings inward, a young girl shouting as she surges forward, a knife raised. Joel moves quicker than you, blocking the blow and sending her to the floor with a grunted fuck. The knife hits the floor, and Joel swings his gun towards the girl. She looks up at him with an almost feral look in her dark eyes, baring her teeth at him.

She looks young, maybe thirteen or fourteen. Dark hair, dark eyes, pale. She’s got dark-coloured Converse on her feet, and for some reason, it makes you smile.

The sound of guns cocking rips your eyes from the young girl, and you turn to see the two women at the end of the hallway both with pistols pointed in your direction. “Liv?”

“Marlene?” you reply, officially confused as shit.

She stares at you for a long moment, her face pinched in pain before her eyes drop to the girl. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” the girl replies, her eyes still glued to Joel.

She goes for the knife, but Joel puts his boot over the blade before she can grab it. She bares her teeth again. “Ellie,” Marlene calls, assumedly the girl’s name, but she’s too busy sneering at Joel. “Ellie.”

Ellie whips her head in Marlene’s direction, and instantly, you see the fear that works across the young girl’s face. “Oh, shit!” she gasps.

Marlene loosens her grip on the gun, tilted the barrel of it away from your head. “No, it’s okay. I’ll be all right.” You see her face fall slightly. “You can’t be stupid like this.”

Yep, you’re fucking confused.

Tess, who you’d left inspecting the battery, rounds the corner. “So this is who Robert screwed us over with?” she asks, moving up to stand beside you. “The Che Guevara of Boston?”

You scoff, jutting your chin at Marlene. “War must be goin’ pretty shitty for you to be buying from scumbags like him. I know we screwed you once or twice, but at least you didn’t end up with a bullet in your gut.”

“Yeah, it’s been a fucking stretch,” Marlene asks, sagging against the wall slightly. “The merch was bad, and he obviously didn’t take fuck off for an answer.”

You squint at Marlene, but your ears prick when you hear Ellie mutter, “Give me my knife.”

“What do you need a car battery for?” Joel asks, ignoring the girl at his feet. Ellie reaches forward, and both you and Joel swing your guns at her. “Don’t.”

“Not at her,” Marlene nearly shouts, both her and the woman standing beside her lifting their guns again, pointing at you both. Tess lifts hers, aiming for Marlene. “Point it at me.”

Joel gives you a look before glancing down at Ellie, who’s pressed herself against the wall, her hands raised in surrender. She looks fucking terrified. “Joel,” you murmur, pointing your gun away from the girl, toward Marlene and her friend. He follows suit, and you hear Ellie’s relieved exhale.

“To answer your question,” Marlene says, “I need it for a better reason than you do. No offence, but Tommy’s just one man.”

“What the…” Joel mutters, but you reach out with the hand not holding your gun, touch his chest.

“Who told you we’re going after Tommy?”

Marlene almost laughs. “It’s our business to know things. You of all people should know that, Liv.”

“To know things,” Joel repeats, and you can see the anger creeping up his spine, feel it in the heavy beat against your palm. “You’re the cause of it. You turned my own brother against me.”

“Okay, Joel,” Marlene mumbles, nearly rolling her eyes. Your own anger spikes.

“That was a lot of gunfire,” Marlene’s partner says. You don’t know her name. “FEDRA’s gonna be on their way.”

“I know,” she answers, and she stares at the kid at your feet for a long moment before speaking again, her voice louder. “We were gonna move Ellie outta the zone tonight.” Joel’s eyes flick down to the girl, and you watch him for a moment before your eyes move back to Marlene. “But we won’t make it anywhere like this. Not for a while, anyway. So now I’m thinkin’, you’re gonna do it.”

You squint at the woman. What…

Behind you, Tess: “Why the fuck would we do that?”

At the same time, Joel: “The hell we are.”

And Ellie: “I’m not going with them!”

You can’t read the expression on Marlene’s face. She’s in pain, clearly, but there’s something more to it. Something you’re certainly not used to seeing on the Queen of the Fireflies. But then it clicks.

She’s desperate.

“Liv,” Joel says, tearing your focus from Marlene, his gun still pointed at her, “we don’t have time for this.”

You meet his eyes for a sec before your gaze moves back to the Fireflies at the end of the hall. “Oh, you don’t have time?” Marlene calls, and she’s not even hiding the desperation anymore. You can hear it clear as day in her voice.

“Who is she?” you ask, narrowing your eyes, tilting your head towards the kid on the ground.

“To you?” Marlene shoots back. “She’s cargo.”

“We don’t smuggle people,” Joel nearly shouts, and you put your hand on his arm.

“I can do it,” the woman beside Marlene says, and the Queen snaps.

“Kim, you don’t have a fuckin’ ear on your fuckin’ head, could you please!” It’s only then that you realize that Marlene’s friend — Kim — has clearly taken a shot to the head, because most of her ear is missing, blood smeared down her neck. Marlene keeps talking, staring you down. “There’s a team of Fireflies waiting for her at the old State House.” Behind you, Tess scoffs. “I know what’s out there. We were going with an entire squadron for that very reason.”

“An entire squadron,” you repeat, “and you want the three of us to do it?”

“I don’t have a truck, I don’t have a squadron,” Marlene says, “FEDRA’s five minutes away. What I do have is you. And I know what you’re all capable of. For better or worse.” Her eyes slide from you to Joel, and you inhale sharply.

At your feet, Ellie looks at you all warily. “What are they capable of?”

Marlene just keeps on talking. “You get her there safely, and they’ll get you what you need. Not just a battery, but the whole thing. Fuelled-up truck, guns, supplies, all of it. I swear.” Joel’s head turns to you, his jaw set. Somehow, this has become your call. “I swear,” Marlene says again.

Joel slides his boot across the ground, Ellie’s knife spinning out of reach. “Asshole!” she shouts, and as the three of you step away to deliberate, you stoop to the floor, scooping the thing up. It’s a simple thing, short blade, wooden handle with a metal switch. You slide your finger across the wood, feeling the weight of it in your palm, turning it over as you step back.

There are initials carved into the bottom, right along the edge of the wood. ASW.

“You trust her?” Tess asks you as you move away, Joel’s hand settling against your hip.

Joel shakes his head. “Me either,” you agree, giving a slight nod, “but she seems desperate.”

When Joel speaks, you don’t miss the thread of hope in his voice. “Firefly vehicle usually means repurposed FEDRA stuff,” he says, “so better-than-decent chance of makin’ it to Tommy in one of those.” He looks at you. “Get us to Lincoln too.”

You nod.

“The second we hand this kid over—” Tess starts, but Marlene’s voice cuts her off.

“Ya’ll talk it through, but please remember that I’m bleeding out.”

Joel reaches out and grabs your wrist, the hand holding the knife. His eyes are hard as you meet them, but he lifts his chin, and you nod.

“Okay, here’s the deal,” you call to Marlene, turning on your heel. “We take the kid to the State House, but we don’t hand her over until we get everything that we want. Everything. Guns, truck, ammo, whatever we ask for. Anyone so much as pauses, we kill her. Then and there.”

You’ve barely gotten the words out before Marlene agrees. “Deal.”

“Really?” Ellie quips, almost exasperated. “That fast?”

Marlene looks at her, that same desperation still laced in her voice. “You are all that matters. My team will not jeopardize that. Remember what I told you?” Ellie glances up at you, and you try to school your face neutral. “Now go get your bag. Now, Ellie.”

With a huff, the kid gets to her feet and stalks into the room she’d leapt out of. You all just stare each other down until she returns, a green and blue backpack in her hands. She stares at Marlene, and Tess turns on her heel, heading back down the hallway. Joel touches your arm, nodding his head in the direction Tess went. “Let’s go.”

Ellie stares Marlene down until she nods, and then spins, shoving Joel with her shoulder as she goes, plucking her knife out of your hand before pushing past you as well. Joel gives you a look, and you just shake your head.

“Miller,” Marlene calls, and both of you turn to look at her. “Don’t fuck this up. Please.”

Thunder rumbles, the moment you step foot back outside. It’s still early, nowhere near curfew, but you’re all quick to move through the city, circling back to the apartments. You need to regroup, gather more supplies, if you’re gonna make it to the State House.

What the fuck did you just agree to?

Tess leads the pack as you stride through the rain, Ellie behind her, you behind Ellie, Joel behind you. You don’t miss the way the kid pulls her hood over her face every time you pass a FEDRA soldier, flinches every time one of those big FEDRA trucks rolls past on the street.

Somewhere between the Firefly building and your apartment, Joel grabs your hand, pulls you back into step with him. “I don’t like this,” he says softly, his tone rough.

You lace your fingers with his. “I don’t either. Doing Marlene a favour wasn’t exactly high on my list of things to do. But if they pull through and get us what we need, then it’s worth it, right?”

The furrow in his brow deepens, but he squeezes your hand, gives a slight nod. “Right.”

It’s not long before you’re inside the building, climbing the stairs up to your floor. Ellie’s foot slips on one of the steps, nearly sending her tumbling back. Out of instinct, you grab her by the arm, pushing her back upright. She shoots you a look over her shoulder, her eyes wide. “Thanks.”

You just nod.

Joel holds his hand out for the keys as you approach the apartment, unlocking the door after you toss them to him. You push the door open, stepping aside for Ellie to enter after Joel gestures for her to step forward. “Give us a minute,” you say, stepping back out into the hall, pulling the door shut. It earns you a shouted what the fuck! from the kid, but you ignore it.

“So, what’s the plan?” Tess asks, hands braced on her hips.

You breathe out a sigh, leaning back against the door. “When’s the last time we even made it near the State House?”

Joel pushes his hand through his hair. “Long way or short way.”

“We took the short way last time,” Tess says, glancing at you. “Nearly got ourselves killed.”

You chew your thumb. “So we take the long way? If things go bad, we’ll figure something out. Drop whatever we have to, head for Bill and Frank’s.”

“And what, leave the kid there?”

“If shit hits the fan, Lincoln first. We check on them, we resupply, and we head for Wyoming. Simple. There are more than enough cities between here and Wyoming with Firefly groups. Chances are we can find another one to drop her at.”

“Nothin’s ever fuckin’ simple, Liv,” Joel grunts, and you shoot him a glare. “Lee had the decency to warn me to stay off the streets tonight. Apparently, the Fireflies freaked FEDRA out, few guys got shot. This is risky.”

“Every single fucking thing we do is risky, Joel. If we wait this out any longer, someone’s gonna come snooping, or Marlene’s gonna rat us out and we’re gonna lose our window. You wanna get to Tommy, this is what we have to do.”

He just glares back.

“I’ll go check out the spot under Lancaster,” Tess offers, and you nod, your eyes stuck on Joel’s.

“Yeah, that’ll work,” you say. “I’ll come with you, keep an eye out. We should leave after dark.” You take a step away from your husband, your eyes still glued to his. “Stay with the kid.”

You start walking away before he can convince you otherwise, but you still hear his protests as you and Tess head back toward the stairs. “Wait. Why do I have to…Liv! Olivia!”

“You’re gonna pay for that one,” Tess mumbles as your feet hit the top step, both of your knees creaking as you make your way back down to the lobby. “He’s right, though. This is risky.”

“It’s all risky. Walking around in broad daylight is risky, these days.”

“You got me there.”

“I knew, you know,” you tell her, gripping the stair rail, “that eventually we’d leave Boston. Just never thought we’d be doing Marlene any fucking favours in the process.”

You reach the lobby, push back out onto the street. It’s still raining, but you weren’t inside long enough to feel dry, and your boots seem to find every puddle as you head toward Lancaster. It was one of the first spots you used, when you first started smuggling. A just-wide-enough storm drain that got hit in the bombings before the QZ walls went up, the tunnel under that opened up on the other side, a large slab of asphalt hiding the exit. More than once, FEDRA’s posted themselves in front of the entrance, close enough to the QZ wall that it gives them a good vantage point.

Today, not a soldier in sight.

“Good,” you mutter, glancing over your shoulder as you and Tess round the corner, trying to look as casual as possible. “We should head back through the market. Pick up some supplies. In case anyone’s tailing us.”

“You know, you’re just as paranoid as your husband, sometimes.”

“Oh, shut it.”

You only make it about ten feet before someone calls Tess’s name. You both freeze, and you haven’t seen Tess go that pale since the last time you ran into a Clicker.

Robin.

You turn slow, spotting Tess’s ex-girlfriend on the opposite side of the street. She’s dressed in full FEDRA gear, gun at her hip. Last you heard, she was still teaching at the school; what subject, you didn’t know, but clearly something that warranted her carrying a weapon. Maybe teaching the next generation of soldiers how to become shittier shots than the current ones.

Robin’s ponytail swings as she crosses the road to where you’re stood, her dark hair made darker by the rain. “Tess,” she says again, something unreadable in her voice. You don’t know her well enough to get a clear read on her. “Can we talk?”

Tess is rigid as hell at your side, and you turn to look at her. “Tess?”

“Yeah,” she says finally, returning your glance. “Give us a sec.”

With a nod, you wander a few steps back. You’re right at the edge of the market, and you busy yourself trading a couple ration cards for new bootlaces, glancing over at Tess and Robin every few moments. Tess looks exasperated, and when Robin reaches for her, your hand automatically wanders toward the gun tucked in the back of your waistband, hidden beneath your shirt. Tess grabs Robin’s wrist, her expression going hard as she drops her hand forcefully, making Robin stumble back a step.

Without another word, Tess stalks towards you, her face a hard mask. Behind her, Robin lingers in the street for a moment, staring after Tess, before her shoulders slump and she turns away, disappearing around the corner.

“What was that about?”

“Let’s go.”

You wander around the city another hour or so, waiting for the sky to darken, making sure no one’s following you. There are a few people that owe you favours, and you collect on a few, returning to the apartment shortly after curfew with a few extra boxes of ammunition, some dried beef, rolls of bandages.

When you push open the door of your apartment again, they’re both in the living room. Ellie’s perched on the chair by the window, a smug grin on her face, and Joel’s stood in front of the couch, like he just got up, hands braced on his hips. A familiar stance.

He doesn’t say anything as you and Tess step through the door, Tess shutting it behind you. Joel looks at you, then at Ellie, then back at you, his face expectant. “Lancaster looks good,” you say, pulling your coat and Joel’s off the hooks by the doors. Tess swings her back from her shoulders, pulls her own out. “Ellie, you got a jacket in your bag?”

“Yeah,” she answers, a streak of fear in her eyes as she looks at you.

“Okay,” you nod, “get it. It’s time to go.”

Joel walks over to you, taking his coat when you hold it out to him. He steps close to you, one hand finding a home on your bicep and squeezing. “You good?”

“Fine,” you say, glancing over your shoulder at where Tess is shrugging into her jacket. “We ran into Robin.”

Joel’s brow goes hard. “She…?”

“Tess didn’t tell me,” you reply, reaching up to brush an errant strand of hair from his forehead. “I don’t think she was suspicious. We were in the market, nothing out of the ordinary.” You incline your head toward Ellie. “How’s the kid?”

“Smart ass,” Joel grunts, and you have to stifle your laugh. “Seems scared though. Was askin’ me how many times we’ve done this, if we’d be okay.”

You nod. “We will be.”

“We going or what?” Tess calls, and you tug on Joel’s hand, all of you heading toward the door.

“Wait,” you say, and head for the bookshelf, reaching for the copy of Moby Dick that you’d cut the middle of out. You flip it open, pull out the portable radio Bill had given you. “Just in case.”

Joel just nods to you as you swing your bag from your shoulders, sliding the radio into one of the pockets. “We’ll see them soon,” he reassures you, and you just nod as you all step out of the apartment, pulling the door shut behind you.

You take one last glance around as the door swings closed. Who knows the next time you’ll see this place again.

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 1 year ago

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So I was looking at some interviews from those involved in the show and ended up going down the rabbit hole into old interviews from season 1, seriously there are some absolute sylki gems in them. This is probs old news to most but I'm going to share them with you anyway because I really enjoyed reading them and they helped heal my somewhat wounded sylki heart after the series finale, like loki's sacrifice for her was beautiful but I also kind of wanted them to run off together into the sunset so...anyway first interview we have is from the director of season 1 Kate Herron where she addresses whether Loki and Sylki are the same person and whether their relationship is self-cest.

I just love the way she explains it here because its the same way I saw it myself, they might both be Loki's but they have very different ways of thinking, different life experiences, even slight differences in personality. To me its similar to the Roman verses Greek gods. Jupiter and Zeus are essentially the same person in the roles that they play within mythology and yet they aren't exactly the same they have slightly different personalities, character traits and skills. The same can be said for many of the other Greek gods and their Roman counterparts. Its the same for Loki and Sylvie, they play the same role within their own universe but they are far from the same person.

Kate also had this to say on the subject:

Again, I 100% agree with her, all the variants we see are very different from each other, kid loki is different from future loki who is different from boastful loki who is different from alligator loki. I mean the very term variant, its definition is 'a form or version of something that differs in some respect from other forms of the same thing or from a standard.' So of course they aren't the same. I also agree that there's something beautiful about their romance.

Sticking with Kate she also said this, which I really love, about their romance:

I love how she describes them as like teenagers when they try talking about their feelings. It's how I felt when watching their blanket scene in 1x05, you could see they were both feeling a little giddy at being near each other and wrapped up under the blanket together, but at the same time there's this awkwardness where they are struggling to communicate how they really feel about each other. Exactly like two teenagers falling in love for the first time. Sophia also said something similar:

She also talks about it being this teen like love, where they are experiencing those feelings for the first time. But she also elaborates on how it makes Sylvie feel vulnerable and that it all feels to intense and too much, which I think makes so much sense for Sylvie's character. I mean from 11 years old she has been on her own, being hunted and moving from one dying world to the next. It wasn't exactly the best environment for her to be bonding and having a meaningful romantic connection with anyone, or even any meaningful connection full stop, everyone around her was always about to die. Even though these romantic feelings are new to Loki and he also doesn't really know how to deal with them or communicate them he has one advantage Sylvie doesn't, he has formed meaningful connections in his past, he knew the love of his family. It's really sad how Sylvie doesn't find it easy to open herself up to people because you know its how she survived this far. But I also think its kind of beautiful how Loki is the first person she is able to open up to and be vulnerable around. I think there is always a lot of focus on how this is Loki's first love story, and how beautiful it is to watch him fall in love and open up to others, which I also love talking about, but it is interesting to also explore it from Sylvie's point of view.

Going back to Kate's statement about Sylki being like teens, she also covers the kiss they share in 1x6 and again I really love what she had to say about it, she talks about it some more here:

I'm so happy she clarified that the kiss wasn't just a trick, that there were genuine feelings behind it, Kate says it was important that it didn't feel like just a trick so it seems like alot of thought and care went into making sure that this kiss between them showed all the complex feelings that went into it, that it wasn't just a cold calculated move on Sylvie's part. Sophia again said something similar:

What I have deduced from all the interviews about the kiss is that Sylvie was in a bad place emotionally, which makes sense as she opened up to a person for the first time and let herself be vulnerable and now she feels like that person is betraying her, she is seeing things very differently from him, also her life long mission of finding and killing the one responsible for taking her life, home and family from her is right in her reach, but its Loki that is standing in the way of her achieving that goal. Then on top of that she has all these very new, deep and intense feelings for Loki, they haven't just magically disappeared in this moment and then he's making this very touching and romantic speech about not wanting throne but wanting her to be ok, which has to have made her feel some kind of way seeing as she's never really had anyone care about her before. I think its all of this that she throws into the kiss. Its a way to distract him to get the tempad so she can get him out the way sure, but she also wants him to be safe, she doesn't want to, can't kill him but she also can't let her mission go, she's fought for it for too long. She knows pushing him through the time door will likely break their relationship, that this could be the last time she sees him and so she kisses him to say goodbye and in a way to say thank you for the care, love and time he has given her. But also I think she kisses him because that's the natural progression of their feelings, its her giving in to those intense feelings that have been building since Lamentis.

But my favourite quote about their kiss/fight has to be this one from Sophia:

Anyone who has seen Mr and Mrs Smith will know which scene she is talking about here and honestly now that she has made the comparison I can see where she is coming from. I do find the comparison kind of hilarious for some reason though, its fun. It also makes sense to me that Sophia sees Sylvie as Angelina's character, in the film her character is the one who is more closed off with her feelings and hiding behind this persona of not really caring but through her acting you can see how hurt and how deep her feelings truly are and that she does in fact really love her husband and hates that she's on an opposing side to him. I think Sylvie is very much the same in this scene, she kind of shoves her feelings behind a wall in order to deal with this situation where they've found themselves on opposite sides.

I also think Loki is similar to Brad Pitt's character in that both characters are alot more open and vulnerable about how they are feeling but also still stand their ground and position in the disagreement. They are also both the first to put down their weapons and kind of say I care about you, I don't want to hurt you, so your move.

I also came across some interviews from season 1's head writer Michael Waldron and he also said some interesting things about Sylki:

I think its interesting that he says it was the love story between Sylki that was the crux of his pitch for the show and I do think this came through in the series particularly in season 1 where it was their relationship that drove the story, I also think that when you really look at it, whilst you've got the whole time travel aspect and this quest for free will theme etc, but the story really is a story about love and I think that is really beautiful personally.

Michael also talks about their moment on Lamentis and it adds some interesting insights:

The thing that catches my attention in this statement is where he clarifies that they both are developing these new feelings, as I said above I think alot of attention is put on Loki and how he feels in alot of the interviews out there that Sylvie and her feelings get pushed to the back a little, so its good to see that Michael is saying that both of them are feeling the same way. The other thing that I noticed, and I am not ashamed to admit that I internally squealed when I read it, unneccessairly so, is the line 'falling in love with one another.' I just get all happy and giddy whenever I see anyone using the word love in relation to Sylki. Like I feel like they have fallen in love, but it is nice to see it official confirmed by the head writers.

Speaking of, these next ones are more recent ones from post season 2, but Kevin Wright the Executive Producer for season 2 also used the L-word in relation to Sylki's relationship:

This again makes me sad but also happy at the same time, because it is a heartbreaking situation for Sylvie and Loki to be in, not to mention so complicated. The part talking about Loki kind of wanting to save Sylvie from making the same mistakes he did because of how deeply he loves her, that hit me hard, like that's a heartbreakingly tough position to be in, watching someone you love go down this self-destructive path of vengeance and anger. I also think its equally as tough for Sylvie who has these deep feelings for the first time, a person she connected with and who she could be vulnerable with but now they aren't seeing things the same way and she can't understand why because she hasn't had the same experiences Loki has and so can't see where this current path will lead her.

At the same time though, there is that beauty in it, this kind of pure and unselfish love, of wanting the best for another person, even over your own wants and desires. Kevin covers this aspect as well when talking about Loki's sacrifice at the end of season 2:

He again uses Love here saying that it is Loki's love for Sylvie and his friends that make him go through all those time loops and then ultimately making the huge sacrifice that he does to save them all and let them live the lives they wish. To me it really was the purest display of love that Loki could have made, I mean how exhausting must it have been to go through all those time loops? And then in the end he has to face his biggest fear, being alone.

Kevin also talks about how Sylki are essentially exes in season 2 who can't get on the same page but who still deeply care for each other, which again makes sense, I definitely got that vibe from them.

Eric Martin said something similar too when asked if Sylki is still a romance in season 2:

Again this makes sense to me from what we saw in season 2. I think they are following the classical romance troupes, season 1 was setting up their romance and then having them 'break up' in the final hour. Season 2 is the messy, angsty fall out of that break up where they are trying to navigate being around each other again and trying to figure out where they stand with each other. Tom said in a recent interview that they were feeling so hurt and betrayed by each other that they are struggling to even get back to a place where they can even talk to each other. Which again I think came across in season 2 especially in their reunion scene.

Luckily the most logical next step is for them to work through those messy feelings of theirs, talk it out and then forgive each other leading to them reuniting romantically. I mean Michael did say the series was about self love, self reflection and forgiving yourself, and that Sylki was partly a way for them to explore that, so if they are sticking with that theme, with Sylki being variants, it would make sense to me for them to forgive each other.

Sophia also said that Sylvie won't just leave Loki alone and walk away, she'll want to know that he's ok and help keep him in check if his ego gets too much and he tries messing with things too much, trying to control or change things. I do find the image of Loki starting to mess with things only for Sylvie to show up like 'Loki no!' kind of funny, it would be very in line with her character. But both Sophia and Tom have hinted that season 2 isn't the end of the story for their characters, so I am excited to see where they go from here and how and when they might show up again.

Personally I would love to see a Sylvie spin off show and have her character developed some more, learn more about her backstory and let her gain some more experiences now that she doesn't have to constantly run from the TVA. Maybe that way when she meets with Loki again they might be more on the same page.

Anyway, this got longer than I intended, so sorry about that. You'll be pleased to know you have reached the end of this post, thank you for reading to the end if you got here though.

#sylki #loki x sylvie #loki season 2 spoilers

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