#seeing my sister squander all my hard work by not understanding

[luv-again]

i said i was gonna go to bed but i'm still fuming over my sister trying to discredit sli au shadow's asexuality. like,, what more do i tell her. i've written enough. not only is it subtext, it's blatant

AND it's also pretty obvious sli shadow can't distinguish platonic and romantic attraction, nor does he care to, but yk wtvr ig she can ignore that too

(this is the second time she's posed the 'shadow clearly liked blaze' statement to me)

[mxdam]

[ MISTAKE ]:     a letter which is sent to the recipient by mistake, and which may contain sensitive information about the recipient.

Anastasia,

I am certain you have received my last three letters; in fact I have taken great pains to ensure they were placed very directly into your hands, and yet I have no reply--so? While I certainly understand that you are very preoccupied with your butcher, and that we did not part on the kindliest of terms, you must understand that I was expressing only the sentiments that any mother would have felt, watching a child squander their gifts, their opportunities, in such a place as you have chosen; and in any case, Drisella tells me she has received letters from you, so you are perfectly able to write--so?

Though you have not seen fit to ask, not even to inquire with your sister after me, you should know that I am very well, and hard at work as ever on Drisella's prospects; there is a young gentleman who has taken an interest, and your choice in marriage has left no smear on her name, you will be happy to know. Meanwhile, I have been entertaining a young new houseguest, a very unformed thing who has come to me it seems quite out of the blue, and in desperate need of finishing. Her name is Diana. I have no interest of course in replacing my daughters, as you know how very dear yourself and Drisella are to me, but a busy mind must always be at work, and with you taking yourself off to the most squalid quarter, and Drisella nearly engaged, I do require some stimulation.

Diana is no trouble to me in the way of food or board or broken crockery &c., but she is quite peculiar in most aspects, as she must have been raised in some sort of convent or beguinage or something, and I cannot get around the funny ways she was taught there as she insists on conducting herself as she sees fit, according to the rules of any society but the polite. Still she has her charms, and she is certainly very pretty, with all the world before her just as Drisella has the world before her and so, too, as you had, before you took yourself away from me.

Write back to me and do not delay. I can, as I have always told both yourself and your sister, barely tolerate separation from either of your persons, much less this silence, and I would like to know if you have yet given me grandchildren.

Your loving mother.

[thanakite]

I don’t understand the argument for killing Harlan.

Like I get that Allison killed him more as revenge, but then Five compares it to him killing the board, saving one over the many, and he even tells Viktor he will kill him if he does something like that again

Realistically, killing Harlan at that point though wouldn’t fix anything. It gives them someone to blame, but killing him in the present doesn’t stop the paradox nor does it solve anything, so why is Five arguing for it? Why is he comparing it to him killing the board? Killing the board was supposed to be their ticket home, he did it with a purpose. Yes, it was a purpose they squandered, but there was a purpose there, but killing Harlan served no purpose and wouldn’t fix the current break unless Five managed to go back in time and kill him before then

Honestly, in this argument you would think Five would be the one sibling on Viktor’s side, and that would have been the drama. Like all this comes out and the other siblings are siding with Allison because they are ruled by their emotions more and would have cared more, but Five is a realist who has been through the wringer on this. We could have had scenes of Five going to Viktor and explaining that he was upset with Viktor and himself because Viktor didn’t feel like he could come to him with the issue, but generally they all seem to react in a way that proves Viktor right. He hid it because they were already talking about handing Harlan over to the Sparrows, and adding this information in at that moment would have solidified their decision to turn him over. By hiding it he was able to get Harlan to help him with his powers, and generally Harlan could have been helpful in either containing the Kugelblitz or in dealing with the issues at the Hotel.

Yes, the Sparrows wanted him before they would work together but they literally could have had Harlan and Viktor go in and knock them on their asses until they listened or simply used Sloane and Luther to convince them to at least wait until the end of the apocalypse or whatever.

It would have still been dramatic, but it also wouldn’t have felt as much like the siblings were all ganging up on Viktor due to past shit that was outside his control.

Plus I LOVE seeing Viktor bond with his siblings in ways he wasn’t able to before, it was a huge part of my love for the first 2 seasons was seeing the kindness and care they could offer towards him now that they were adults and not under their father’s thumb, and it would have been good bonding for Five and Viktor to be on the same side but still addressing WHY Viktor didn’t go to him right away, and easily could have resulted in some additional fun bonding for them at the wedding and then would have given them a stronger base before dealing with the Hotel bullshit, which could have still gone largely the same way, all without having this issue where it seems to always be all of the Umbrellas against Viktor.

They keep acting like they are better and different now that they are older, but they still revert to the childhood bullshit of isolating and excluding him when convenient, and I wish they wouldn’t because you could achieve basically the same results while still allowing Viktor to have one or two major supporters at all times (Which would also reflect sibling dynamics more, like it is hard enough to predict who is going to side with who, over what, for a majority between my 2 sisters and I, but there are an additional 2 people in that dynamic, at least 1 should be siding with Viktor)

[kickthecan-revolution]

I could not fall asleep for the longest time last night - I think I’m feeling the work looming and am realizing I need to start gearing up for it. 

I woke up around 7:30 and it was raining. I was happy, as my beets, radish, cauliflower and broccoli I planted needed some rain. I made coffee, climbed back into bed and spent the last seven hours re-documenting every account, every password, every budget item for my parents’ home, their total monthly costs at assisted living and a potential plan moving forward for 2022. 

I had to take deep breaths and step away several times. This is so triggering for me, and I really don’t understand why. I feel a rage at having to do it in the first place, I have been taking care of them for so long as adults as they fought every step of the way, despite genuinely trying to make their wishes come true. Such anxiety, got screamed at so much - I had to con and manipulate through their personality disorders in ways that made me feel sick.  And if I am honest, resentment towards my siblings though they absolutely could not have done anything anyway as my parents only trusted me with it. I think there’s also the invisible emotional and mental labor of caring for them by removing myself and my own needs from their lives which will never be acknowledged because they lack the capacity to even see it. 

And through all of that? they don’t really like me very much. They didn’t want to get too close because what they’d find they wouldn’t like, and they need me too much. It’s all just this fake game we’re all playing. 

The other thing which is ugly but true, is how money was the currency of love and connection in our family. It was THE most important thing to my parents - their very identity hung on being rich because rich meant secure - successful - not a failure - not stupid - and most of all, not alone. So for our whole lives, they have promised money to all of us after they die. It was the scraps of love they provided to all of us. I watched them promise to pay for the grandkid’s college for years - so my brother and sister didn’t save for that - and then they didn’t follow through, so everybody scrambled. Most people don’t have privilege and have to pay for college on their own - if that was the plan, they would have just got on with it, we are hard workers who don’t need that kind of buffer but it was switched up at the last minute which created chaos.  I watched them just squander it, spend it on strangers, gamble it away in the stock market - and it enrages me. And it’s not because I need it or they get to change their minds - it’s their money -  it’s because it’s the only thing they ever promised us and in the end, it’s just all gone, and it’s gone because of their personality disorders. And I’m stuck trying to make the last of it work. 

I think next year, I am turning all of the bills over to my sister. There is a desire to stay in control of it so I can supplement where needed, but it’s so bad for my mental health. I am burning daylight on this frozen, numbed out person who is just their caretaker, walking through the motions. 

I need to eat something and go for a walk and drink some water. All in order. 

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

i havent been here in a hot second is there a reason for the makoto hate specifically? like the rants go back to p5's writing issues but the spite for makoto seems very specific did she kill someones dog in one of the spinoffs or what?

You're all good. So here's the thing, she did kill my dog-I'm joking.

When I say “I’m the residential #1 Makoto Hater” it’s a joke, partially cause it probs looks that way (and probs cause it might be true, who knows if you could quantify hate then maybe I’m at the top of the leaderboards 8U but you can’t so we’ll never know). But I’m saying it at as a joke, to own myself and everyone here that knows what I think of her, rather than wear it as a badge of honor or some silliness. It’s just a “oh haha yeah there goes Silly, dunking on Makoto again! She’s basically Makoto’s #1 hater haha oh she’s so silly.” (so please don’t look too deep into it, I just want to have fun).

Anyway, me hating Makoto isn’t new, but I do hold a similar ire towards Futaba, Goro (tho I have camaraderie with his fans, I relate to their struggle in terms of my own brown hair and red eye fav and Atlus screwing them over u_u I may hate your fave but I respect you and will be in your corner), and Yukari (as well as Chloe from LiS if you want a non-Persona example). Makoto might be talked about more because 1) She hits my buttons that much faster (Futaba/Goro are more like a festering wound, and when I talk about them it’s hard to pick a starting point), 2) Her fans tendency (early on in the fandom) bringing her up frequently.....was a bad combo with #1 (overexposure+pushing all my buttons really fast=disaster). Obvie not blaming her fans, but it was hard to curate how I was able to curate my content online (esp with gaming news websites calling her “best girl” when showing off a figure announcement or some BS when I just want to know what new games have been announced >.> I can do without you trying to start a waifu war in the comments Siliconera -_-)

Anyway, I think I’ve made my reasons for hating her very clear (you just have to search her name on my blog and you’ll get a ton of essays I’m sure, too many to count). And a lot of it is the failure of P5′s writing. “So it’s just the writing you hate, not the character.” No. Because that doesn’t make sense. Except under certain circumstances (which I’ll provide examples of below with Luke Skywalker), you can’t separate the writing from the character. The character IS the writing, the writing IS the character. If you can’t hate/dislike the char because “of the writing” then you also can’t love/like them either. The character and the writing/writing choices for that character are connected. The writing embodies that character. They are the same.

Now I said there was an exception, and that’s....”different writer/director,” tho it’s not ALWAYS the case (sometimes the new writer really gets the original writing, like Saito for MM.....they are very good at emulating the clusterfuck of P5′s writing). P5′s writing is the original basis for Makoto’s character, that’s her. You can’t separate it from her. Same thing with say....Luke Skywalker from the OG trilogy, that’s him. But then we get to the sequel/Disney trilogy, new writer/director....and yeah that’s a mess (from what I understand OG trilogy=Hopeful and tries to see the best in people, 2nd Disney=Cynic and tried to kill a child, 3rd Disney=Hopeful again for some reason). There’s character development, then there’s just straight up changing the character just cause you need them to be this now. 

*writes how this can apply to Persona spinoffs but deletes because I was getting too off track* Look at me exercising control. It’s probs best I save that for a meta after I’ve replayed all the spinoffs again.

But....if you want me to boil down my issues with Makoto, I hate the message we get from her. I hate the lesson we learn from her. What is supposed to happen vs what happens.  It’s supposed to be about a girl who is blindly following authority and becomes disillusioned with it after being burned by it, on top of “immense pressure” she has as well, and then comes to our side (we know this because Atlus told us). We don’t get that (we know this because we saw the execution). We get two adults, yes TWO ADULTS, one of which is her sister and wants her to do well in school (but isn’t like.....a tiger mom about it, because Sae can’t be TOO horrible because we need to like her later), who in retrospect seems very busy with her job (which gives Makoto freedom), but also feels burdened by her younger sister (in which she has one shitty slip with her and then NEVER again). And the other is a dumbass principal who asks a really strange and stupid task for Makoto that snowballs into bullshit. That’s IT! THAT’S IT! That’s all we get from Makoto and “authority.” Strawmen. We don’t really get much of her personality either (I’m not saying that cause “she’s cardboard” I legit just.....don’t get her? Like I don’t get enough of her to get a solid foundation, you get me?) Like as the player, what we see of her is she’s just studying in the library (Kamo arc), then the principal calls her in, she mentions the rumors about Kamo, he asks her to look into the PT in exchange for a recommendation (to which she’s surprised and says thanks, not no, she looks like she’ll accept JUST BASED ON THAT) but before she can even say Yes (OR NO) he threatens Makoto with her sister, to which Makoto hardens and then agrees. Then she acts like an asshole and yadda yadda stuff happens.

But if she’s supposed to blindly follow authority, she’d say yes, but then they don’t let the character breathe so she can make the “wrong” choice because the Principal goes STRAIGHT to threatening her.......so now the message is muddled, or really it’s non existent. The whole Sae thing is a nothing bag too, it’s just family drama. Her sister is, no HAS to be absent a lot for her work, just so Makoto can have the freedom to be a PT....which means....it hurts her lack of freedom and other stuff associated with Sae being a big pressure on Makoto’s life. You know, I’ve said before they’ve squandered Sae, and that Makoto’s presence really harmed Sae (iirc it was this post). But at the same time, how they handled Sae really screws up Makoto’s character. Neither are allowed to breathe. Neither are allowed to make a true, horrible choice...and then learn from it. They aren’t allowed to have an actual arc. Altus played it safe, took choice away from them, didn’t want to take risks with either character and have meaning. Instead we just have this nothing contradiction thing dicking around until they join our team. 

What really sucks about that....is we got that with the Kamo arc. With Anne, Ryuji, even Yuki and Shiho. Kamo was manipulative, and his manipulation caused people to make....not the best choices, all out of a means to survive. Ryuji physically acted against Kamo, and he got his leg broken, team disbanded, and outcasted. Anne was trying to protect Shiho’s position on the team, which lead to her almost getting harmed by Kamo, Shiho getting harmed, her not seeing the truth about what was going on around her, and she didn’t tell Shiho (because she didn’t want Shiho to think she didn’t get on the team for her own merits), and so on. Shiho didn’t tell Anne what was going on because she wanted to protect Anne from Kamo (and was afraid Anne would, very much blame herself), and her and Yuki and the rest of the teams helped keep quiet about Kamo so they wouldn’t be next on the physical chopping block. This isn’t me blaming them, this is me showing their choices, their attempts to fix their (hopeless) situation, to help themselves or others, and the dramatic irony being it just made everything worse. BUT, even tho Kamo was the real one to blame, each character is aware of the actions that were made, and the consequences of each action (esp Anne/Ryuji/Shiho). And in their CoOps, they identify this, and take strides to learn from it so it doesn’t happen again. That’s an arc. That’s character development. They were allowed to make errors, mistakes, decisions that negatively impacted themselves/other’s. We see a solid foundation of their character from the get go, and how it changes over that small time. We don’t get that with Makoto. The group is like solid concrete to Makoto who is like shifting sand. 

Sorry got a bit off topic, anyway, I hate her message of boasting about her fighting ability but she only harms her friends (outside of shadows, but that’s not special) WHILE ALSO being a damsel that needs someone else to rescue her! I hate how when she gets called out, she wants to drop it, and gives gaslighty apologies, even tho she really ROYALLY screwed lot of people very badly. I hate how she demands us to help, only to literally be a detriment to our investigation. I hate how she gets to fly off the handle without repercussions (despite needing to be cool calm and collected for her job, especially since she miraculously can do that when needed so what the hell????). I hate how the text has her be shitty, say shitty things, be bad at her job, but will turn around and reward her time and time again. 

Sure she doesn’t break the lore like Futaba, or unravel P5′s plot like Goro. But as a character with a message attached to her, even ones that the creators surely overlooked (I’m sure they didn’t intend for her to only hit her friends), it’s simple but very annoying. Fast and easy to see, doesn’t require me to think of P5′s lore as well as the grander Persona lore. Doesn’t require me to dig through text for Goro bread crumbs and then unravel the entire basis of the P5 plot thanks to him. Makoto is easier to get into, it’s smaller scale and more personal I guess. 

[loveisblindfanfictionbka]

Love Is Blind: Chapter Two

A: You know it really just sounds like your sister really cares about you

C: She does but she’s making this such a bigger deal than it needs to be. I just want to be able to sort my feelings out without feeling like I’m obligated to do something with them immediately

A: I know that feeling so well. My friend asked me if I was still in love with my ex and I don’t know how to answer her

C: I mean your relationship was unfinished so I could understand the possibility. No closure makes it feel like things never ended. They just stopped

A: you put it in much better words than I ever could. 

C: Coming from an emotionally challenged man, sometimes the right thing doesn’t always feel right at the time. It hurts. Caring about anyone comes with that risk but sometimes you have to see it from their side before you can heal. People tend to enter situations expecting others to be like them and we hurt ourselves by doing that. Your ex may have loved you but he didn’t know how to love you anymore and felt it was better to let you go than ruin you. It couldn’t have been easy for you to watch him struggle

A: No but I felt like he never gave me a chance to help

C: People don’t always want to be fixed. Being damaged may have been too comfortable for him

A: I wish I could’ve known if it was. He never really talked to me. I think something happened that he couldn't deal with it and he shut me out because of it

C: thats always possible especially if he wasn’t like that before

A: You ever think about getting into another relationship?

C:Thought about it? Sure but I think I only got enough love in me to take care of my daughter. I haven’t quite rebounded back either.

A: Did you and your ex-wife have the child together?

C: No, I”m in the process of fostering and adopting. I got Anesa when she was one years old

A: That is so cool.

C: You ever consider having a child?

A: It was a part of the plan when I was married but we never quite made it that far

C: Same here but there’s always alternatives

A: I’ll think about it. I am getting up there in age

C: If from any indication of your photo, you’d have no problems. Many women are having babies at your age

A: Why thank you for the ego boost

C: You ever consider dating again?

A: No. I think I am way too damaged to not ruin somebody else

C: Ah, I know the feeling

A: You’re a good listener, Chris

C: Thanks. You too. So what’s your night looking like?

A: A movie and a glass of wine. You?

C: Grading papers

A: for a music class?

C: They still have to do research papers for me. Allows me to gage how they grasp concepts and detect their style

A: Hmm...that’s interesting

C: Part of my class is songwriting and music composition, at least a basic level teaching of both. I have separate sections that go into each more in depth but only a few students are selected to be invited to take those classes. This is my main selection pool outside of those who audition

A: that sounds extensive

C: it can be but I like it

A: Do you only teach major classes or can students take you as an elective?

C: They can take me as an elective but most end up dropping the class by the second week

A: Really? Why?

C: It’s more work than they intended to do in an elective especially if you’re like a business or science major. It’s not exactly contributing to anything but your credit requirement 

A: True. I can understand that

C: Anna?

A: Yes?

C: You ever think about us meeting one day?

A: I’ve considered but I don’t know if I wanna ruin the mystery of you, yet. You?

C: Same lol

A; Well I got some wine and a movie to get to and I’ll leave you to your papers. Have a good night

C: You too

Robyn logged off and pressed her head into her pillow. Was it weird for her to start to like this guy? Honestly, they’ve never met so she wouldn’t know him from a hole in the wall yet she feels close to him like they’ve been friends forever. The fact he didn’t turn away when she started talking about her ex and even tried to help her understand some things was really deep for her. Her friends and family had tried but so much of what they said just seemed so biased and sympathy-ridden for her ex. Like where’s her sympathy? Did nobody care about how he acted affected her? Somehow Chris understood her and it was the craziest thing.

Chris turned to the next paper for one of his students and after a few moments acknowledged his mind was with Anna and not on his work. He could sympathize with her struggle to move on and the fact that she was probably still in love with her ex. He didn’t hate his but he was too damaged to love her like she deserved. A part of him hates that he wasn’t man enough to tell her that when he left. She probably had a hole in her just like Anna or maybe she had moved on just fine. It’s not fair to project his life onto her.

“Daddy, are you going to sleep soon?”

Chris turned to see Anesa standing in the doorway of the kitchen with her teddy bear in her arms. He opened his arms and she climbed into his lap, “Hey Love Bug, what you doing up?”

“It’s raining.”

Chris glanced over at the window and nodded his agreement, “you got scared, huh?”

“Yea.”

“Well there’s nothing to worry about, Daddy’s right here.”

“Daddy, am I ever gonna get a mommy?”

“Well Sweetheart, that’s a very complicated question.”

“Is it?”

“Yea, see I don't’ know if I wanna share you with anybody else.”

Anesa giggled, “well if I can share you, you think you can share me?”

“I’d have to think about it really hard. Is that something you’re nervous about?”

“I just don’t want you to be all alone.”

“I know, Love Bug but I’ll be just fine.”

“Auntie Jessica said you were married before.”

“I was.”

“What happened to her? Did she die?”

“No. Things just didn’t work out. I wasn’t exactly the right guy for her.”

“Oh. So she left?”

“No, I did but I really thought it was the best thing to do at the time.”

“Do you miss her?”

Chris sighed as he leaned his chin on the top of her head, “sometimes I do. Sometimes I do.”

“Does it make you sad?”

“It can but I’ve learned to deal with it.”

“Do you think you’d ever go back to her?”

“I don’t think that would be the right thing to do either.”

“Oh.”

“You sound so sad, Honey.”

“I’m sad for you, Daddy.”

“Why? I’m happy. I’m exactly where I want to be. Here with my Love Bug and my work. Daddy’s just fine.”

Anesa turned and hugged him as Chris blew out a breath over her shoulder.

                                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Robyn washed her hands then sat down in her office. She had steady appointments all day, luckily mostly check ups but she was still tired. Being the head vet and the owner and shelter organizer always took a toll on her body. She twisted her neck from side to side to relieve some tension just as her office door opened, “Hi Beverly.”

Beverly, her trusty assistant, was always ready to rain on her parade, “Ms. Fenty, we just received a really huge invitation in the mail.”

“We?”

“Well you but you know what I mean.”

“What is it for?”

“The New York Society Charity Awards Gala. They want to recognize the shelter for its success.”

“That’s nice. Tell Ashley to go in my place.”

“Wait. What?”

“I don’t feel like rubbing elbows with the rich, that’s Ashley’s forte, let her do it.”

“Fenty, this is a huge opportunity for donations and connections. You cannot send your shelter manager in your place.”

“Why can’t I? She’s dealt with these people before. She even knows most of them. She has an Ivy League Degree, why can’t she go in my place?”

“The award is for you.”

“So?”

“Robyn, you can’t be serious.”

“I am in no condition to be bothered with anyone.”

“The gala isn’t for another month, you can’t muster up some give a fuck in a month.”

Robyn glared at Beverly, who simply folded her arms across her chest in response, “I’m not doing this.”

“You are doing this. I will schedule your appointment with your stylists for fittings and hair tryouts. We’ll see about getting you an escort and get a speech written for you.”

“I’m not going, Beverly.”

“You will go even if I have to get your entire family from Barbados to make you. This is a perfect opportunity and you will not squander it being anti-social.”

“Get out of my office, Beverly.”

“I will add the appropriate appointments to your calendar. Your 2:30 appointment canceled so you’re free until 4.”

Beverly promptly walked out of her office and Robyn tossed her head down on her desk. She couldn’t do this. She hadn’t been to an event like this since she was married to Chris. He’s a well-known architect and had a hand in a lot of buildings in the city. The circles aren’t that large in this tax bracket so she’s sure to run into people she knew back in California. She wasn’t ready for the questions and the stares if she showed up and especially if she showed up with someone else. They had kept their divorce quiet for several reasons mainly because she didn’t want to be embarrassed. Robyn Fenty, veterinarian extraordinaire, can’t even keep her marriage together. Some of those people would be colleagues, alumnus of her alma mater, people who whispered that once Chris got a taste of the good life, he wouldn’t stay with his middle school girlfriend long. Sadly, they were right. They barely made it three years before he walked out. She wasn’t going to this gala.

C: I really think you should attend. It’s for business.

A: It’s business that I don’t want anything to do with. I have associates specifically for things like this

C: Why is it so bad for you to go?

A: These parties always have people I knew back when I was married. Many of them don't know I’m divorced

C: Well people get divorced all the time

A: Yea but they normally don't have to be around the same people who said it wouldn’t last

C: Anna, you can’t be embarrassed about something so common.Things happens

A: That’s easy to say

C: Besides I would love to see a photo of you in your gown

A: Lol, is that the real reason you want me to go?

C: Well considering we aren’t meeting anytime soon, it’d be nice to see

A: it wouldn’t be a face shot.

C: Not changing anything for me

A: I mean I could just get dressed, post the picture and you’d be none the wiser

C: You could but I sense you’re a little too honest for that

A: Lol, I’ll take that as a compliment

C: Good, because I meant it as one

A: lol

C: are you writing lol because you’re actually laughing or because you’re smiling?

A: both

C: they do make emojis

A: Yea but I feel silly using them

C: Ah, I guess

A:You know what, I will go to the gala if you agree to go on a virtual outing with me

C: Like VR

A: More like a video meet up but no cameras

C: Just voices?

A: automated voices

C: you really wanna hold onto this mystery thing, huh?

A: I feel so comfortable with you, probably because I don’t know you but I feel like once you remove the mystery, shit gets too real

C: That’s a good rationale. How about this, my job has some assistance programs that can do text to speech. I can send you a few options, you choose one, we pick a date and we have our little blind date so to speak

A: you would do that for me?

C: Absolutely. I really like you, Anna

A: I like you too, Chris

“So you really like him but you won’t go on a real date with him?” Melissa asked.

“Mel, if I do that then this becomes way more than what it is.”

“Which is?”

“Two people just getting to know each other.”

“Without having to really know each other. You haven’t told this man your real name.”

“Because it doesn’t matter. That’s what I like most. The little things don’t matter.”

“So if he was using a fake name too, it wouldn’t bother you.”

“No. He’s not obligated to give me anything he doesn’t want to.”

“You are petrified of commitment.”

“I’ve been hurt enough, I don’t want to go through that again.”

“And you think by withholding basic information yet spending time with this man will prevent that.”

“The longer he remains a stranger, the easier it will be to walk away. I’m not looking for love or to move on. Just a new friend,” Robyn replied as she held a dress up to her body, “what do you think?”

“It’s nice. You really want to go long sleeves for this?”

“Either that or get a nice jacket. It gets cold at these things.”

“That’s true. So who’s your escort?”

“Nobody. I told Beverly that I’d go but I am not taking anybody with me.”

“Not even me?”

“Do you want to go? I can send in for a plus one.”

“Not really but it was nice you offered.”

“You sure Sis?”

“Very sure. I got a boyfriend to do things with on the weekends so I’ll be busy.”

“Oh rub it in. How is Juan anyway?”

“He is good. We were thinking about doing a friendcation next month. Go back to PR to see his family.”

“Oh that’s nice. I’m sure Lele and you will have a great time.”

“You wouldn’t come?”

“No. Hard pass.”

“I’m really tired of you ducking us, it’s not like we’re gonna fix you up on a blind date or something.”

“I know but I also don’t want to be the fifth wheel. No thank you.”

Melissa sighed, “I guess. Maybe if you’d get your life right with this new Chris, you could bring him.”

“I don’t want to meet him, Mel”

“I really don’t understand why not, y’all seem to have great chemistry.”

“Yea but I really just wanna leave it at that. I’m too fragile for anything more.”

“Have you ever thought to talk to your ex-husband?”

“Why? So he can make me feel even worse?”

“Or maybe so you can heal. Robyn, y’all had a really abrupt situation. You both were in a bad space. Maybe you just need to talk things out so you can move on.”

“Why do y’all coddle him so much? Why is it nobody’s mad at him but me?”

“Because we love both of you. Clearly, neither of you were in your right minds. Nobody thought you should've gotten divorced but neither of you were happy.”

“I did not want one. He wanted out and nobody seems to be lying that at his doorstep. It’s almost like you know something that I don’t.”

“Robs, that is most definitely not the case. We just don’t think being mad at anyone is gonna solve anything. Chris was hurting, from what we don’t know, but we all knew something wasn’t right with him. You were hurting, we all knew that too. Neither of you needed the extra weight of anyone else’s judgment.”

“It doesn’t feel very neutral.”

“Because you don’t want neutral, you want us to pick sides and that’s not gonna get any of us anywhere.”

“Well have you spoken to him?”

“We texted a few months ago but that was it.”

“Oh.”

“Do you wanna see him?”

“No because I’m still angry. Seven years later and I’m still fucking pissed. Seeing him would do me no good.”

“Robs, I think it might.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m thinking the navy blue, what about you?’

Melissa sighed, “I love it.”

“Great.”

Robyn grabbed the dress and headed to the cash register.

[thorne93]

The Softest Fire (Part 14)

Prompt: Rosaline Vaughan had it all: fame, money, power, glory, a high status job. Until, one day, she woke up, and realized something was missing from her life.

Word Count: 2710

Warnings: fighting, violence, wounds, torture, abuse

Notes: First Fantastic Beast fic! I could NOT have done this at all without @arrow-guy. They have created a counterpart to this fic, writing it from Nora Vaughan’s perspective (Rosaline’s cousin/adopted sister). Fic aesthetic done by @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo​.

The next morning, bright and early, I left the castle, alone. This time, I didn't mind. I had plans that would require me to travel without a companion. Gellert may not want answers or retaliation for the spy in our ranks, but I felt like we did. 

I made my way to a shop in town. The shop was known for custom items. 

“What can I do for you, miss?” a gray haired man asked from behind the counter. 

“I need a portkey, to Hogsmeade in London, immediately,” I informed, my tone serious and dire. “Thank you,” I tacked on with a silky smooth smile. 

“Alright. There will be an extra charge for a rush order,” he said slowly, as if that would deter me.

“I can manage any extra fee,” I confirmed.

He nodded and went away to the back to grab an item. “Will any item do?” he called up front.

“Yes! The smaller the better though!”

After five minutes, he returned with a glass orb, nothing special about it. It was a small, clear orb, small enough to slip into a purse. 

“This do ya?” 

“Perfect.” 

He charmed it and handed it to me, ringing it up. The price was heftier than expected, but I needed to do this. I left as just as the sun had finished rising over the horizon. I knew Gellert said I didn’t need to do more, but this felt right. At the very least, I could get Albus Dumbledore to listen to me. I could throw him our pitch. A man of his talents, his wisdom, he would be all we needed to unlock this world. 

He and I got along famously when I was a student, often providing me private study lessons, mainly because the material in class was so far behind me. He taught me advanced lessons and we became friends, I felt. Perhaps he would listen to me. 

I arrived at Hogsmeade and made haste to get to the entrance of the school. Once I landed there, I breathed in the air, remembering how much I loved it here. I walked up the steep hill to the entrance, greeted by a groundskeeper who asked what my business was. He clearly didn’t recognize me, because he didn’t say my name. I wondered if this was a good thing. Once I told him I was here to see Professor Dumbledore, he gave me a suspicious look but let me by. I bobbed my head and walked past him and up the stairs to the last office I knew Dumbledore to keep. 

I was in luck when I found his classroom empty, and him behind the desk. 

“Professor?” I softly said, my voice almost going childlike. Funny how old habits are hard to kick. I was a grown woman now, about to be a bride, and here I was, speaking to Professor Dumbledore as if he still held some power over my head. 

His back was to me when I opened the door. He was speaking softly before he stopped quickly. “Yes?” he asked before turning around. When he did, though, his eyes went wide before a soft smile pulled at his lips. “Rosaline Vaughan, is that you?” he questioned before standing to round the desk. 

I fully entered the room, closing the door behind me as I did so. “It’s me,” I assured with a grin. I wasn’t here on bad terms, contrary to what it might’ve looked like on the outside. Yes, a spy was sent to us. Yes, Dumbledore betrayed Gellert, but something in me kept me from being furious with him. He was as old a friend as any of mine, and this was nothing more than a causal social call. 

“You… you’re all grown up,” he stated with mystified eyes. 

I nodded. 

“Well, to what do I owe this pleasure?” he questioned quickly, still grinning, warmth radiating off of him. 

“I thought I would just… come and see you,” I half lied, feeling bad for it. “Actually,” I began again, already correcting it, “I know about Joshua, the spy,” I admitted.

He bobbed his head, his jaw opening to speak but then he snapped it shut. 

“It was clever. I’m afraid Gellert was a bit privy to it, though,” I informed, no malice or threat in my voice. 

“So you’re here to… what? Exact revenge?” 

“I take it you know about the engagement?” I wondered. 

At this, he turned and began slowly walking back to his desk. I followed. 

“I do,” he admitted. “I can honestly say I’m surprised. You and Grindelwald… He’s older than you. He’s my age,” he stated, as if I didn’t know. He reached his desk, leaning on it, his hands gripping the edges.

“Yes, I know,” I responded with a gentle smile. 

“I’m not your father, I can’t and won’t judge you for your choice of companion. But I must admit I was shocked when I read the announcement in the paper.” 

I laughed lightly. Of course he would. “I… I don’t know what to say except I love him and he shows me care and concern that most people have failed at.” 

“A word of advice?” he suddenly offered, leaning forward a bit, peering at me. 

I bobbed my head. 

“He does that. He targets weak spots for people, and nurtures them. I know you’re smart. Clever. I know you would see past any sort of manipulation.” 

My throat became tight as I peered at him. 

“However, if this is real, then I wish you all the happiness in the world,” he assured with a star-studded smile. 

“Thank you.”

“Is it just you then? Grindelwald isn’t with you?”

I shook my head. “No, no he isn’t. He doesn’t even know I’m here. I wanted to see you on my own.” 

“Why is that?”

“Well, for one, to discuss why you sent a snitch our way. Secondly, to discuss you joining us.” 

His eyes blew wide as he leaned farther forward, a disbelieving laugh escaping him. 

“You can’t be serious. Me? Join Grindelwald?” 

I peered at him, my expression entirely serious. “Why not?” I went to lean on the desk beside him. “Come on, Professor. With your wisdom, your power, your talent… Next to Gellert and I, we will rule this world.” 

“Is that what you’re after now? When I taught you, all you wanted to do was make the world a better place. Did he change that?” 

“I still do want to make the world a better place,” I retorted, my voice hard. 

“By killing hundreds of our own kind?” he remarked incredulously. 

“We want peace, that’s all. We don’t want to hurt wizards, witches, or muggles. You don’t understand what he wants. You’ve been misinformed,” I tried with my usual sugary voice.

He shoved off the table. “Rosaline, I know him. I know him better than anyone else in the world. He is using you. He is manipulating you. What Gellert Grindelwald wants and what I want are two vastly different things.” 

“Don’t you want to come out of hiding?” I implored. “Instead of being holed up inside this school? You could be so much more. You are so much more. You possess greatness, and you’re squandering it.” 

“Is that how you felt when you left the Ministry?” he fired at me.

“You kept tabs on me?” 

“Of course. My brightest student? The only one who could out-duel me? Why wouldn’t I?”

“Afraid I’d turn dark?”

“No, I wanted to see how you would take your power and make this world better. When you were running for office, I was proud of you.” 

“And when I left?” 

A subdued smile came over his face before he looked down at the floor, then back up at me. “Even prouder. I heard you went to work with Newt, to help with his creatures. I knew you would do splendidly.” 

I couldn’t help the blush that rose to my cheeks. “Thank you, Professor. That means a great deal to me,” I admitted. “But I take it from your distaste for our cause, that you won’t be joining us?” 

With his hands in his pockets, he peered up at me. “No, Rosaline, I can’t.” 

“Are you sure though?” I stressed. “Imagine a world where we are rightfully at the top of the food chain, where we belong, where you belong. You, out of everyone should know the frustration of hiding.” 

“It does not bother me one bit to live where muggles don’t know we exist. It’s easier this way, Rosaline, you know that. You know if we became common knowledge it would be utter chaos.” 

“Would it though?” I challenged. “Think about if we got the muggles… in their place, so to speak.” 

“Rosaline--” 

At that moment, the door flew open, where Gellert stormed in, his dark coat flying around him. He was flanked by two people -- Vinda and Abernathy. His face was the fiercest, most dangerous I’d ever seen. His stormy eyes found mine quickly and a boulder of guilt formed in my gut. 

“What is the meaning of this?” he demanded in a chilled tone.

I was too scared to answer. I knew how this looked, and I knew it looked bad.

“Answer me, Rosaline!” he barked and I complied.

“I came to see Dumbledore to talk to him about the spy and about recruiting him.” 

His eyes flashed from mine to the man behind me. “You will do no such thing,” he ordered and my head hung. 

“Yes, Gellert,” I acquiesced in a hushed tone. 

Gellert made his way over to me quickly, grabbing my upper arm roughly. “You will never leave the castle unattended again. Is that understood? I had no idea where you were, if you were hurt. You had me worried sick.” With that, he tugged on my arm, making me stumble forward to keep up with his long strides.

“Grindelwald, don’t hurt her! We were only talking!” Dumbledore called after him, taking a few strides forward, readying himself to protect me.

“I will deal with you when I’m done with her,” he called over his shoulder. “I can’t believe I find you here, consorting with my enemy, our enemy, after he sent a spy--”

“I was trying to find out about the spy,” I informed as he pulled me along. “I wasn’t here to betray you, my beloved, I swear. I was just talking with him.” 

“You expect me to believe that, after the conversation we had two nights ago?” he challenged lightly once he stopped, standing near Vinda and Abernathy. “You could’ve very well risked our entire--” 

Out of nowhere, a group of people barged into the room. Nora, Newt, Theseus, Tina, and two other aurors I did not recognize. 

“Nora?” I breathed in shock as I stared at her. 

Her eyes went straight to me, and Gellert’s hand on my arm. He immediately let me go and then smirked. Nora’s eyes flashed with fury, drawing her wand. Before I could think, my wand was out like a reflex. She shot a jinx at Gellert and I deflected it. Her expression morphed into utter shock. 

“Rosaline, I don’t want to hurt you. Come with us,” she encouraged, glancing to Gellert beside me. 

“No,” I said defiantly, lifting my chin as I stood my ground. “I’m staying here.” 

“You don’t want to stay here. I don’t know what he’s done to you but the Rosaline I know would never be with a man like him,” she urged. 

Gellert smiled at my side, speaking to my cousin. “You see, Ms. Vaughan? Rosaline chooses us. Now, can’t you respect that choice?”

As if someone lit a fuse in her, she snapped, trying to throw a spell towards Gellert but I moved in front of him protectively, deflecting the spell. My veins were lit with fire, my face a mask of beautiful rage. 

In the blink of an eye, I lifted my wand again and tried to stun her but she deflected it. She shot a slicing spell back at me, but I dodged it. Three more shots flew between us before she suddenly retrained her sights. 

Gellert smirked from behind me, pulling my long blonde locks behind my shoulder as he bent down slightly, his lips pressed to my ear. His eyes were locked forward on my opponents when he said, “End them.” 

I nodded, understanding the command completely, and I unleashed an onslaught of spells and charms within seconds. I disarmed the unknown men first, knocking their wands across the room. My sights were now set on Tina, throwing an “Expulso” her way quickly, sending her flying into the brick wall. She fell to the floor in a moaning heap. For some reason, this gave me immense pleasure. 

Theseus and Newt tried to throw a paralytic and expelliarmus charm my way, but I danced effortlessly away from them before sending Everte Statum at Theseus. He fell back and gripped his chest, pain lancing through him. 

Now it was down to Nora and Newt. 

The entire time, Gellert and my friends watched on in adoration, not lifting a finger to help, because I didn’t need it. 

“What’s the matter, Scamander?” Gellert began to tease Newt. “You had the power to reveal me, but not to attack the woman whose heart you broke?” 

Newt said nothing, his wand drawn. He seemed torn, unsure what to say or do. 

“I let you live last time, this time your outcome won’t be as fortunate,” he informed as he took a step around me and raised his wand. My gut involuntarily lurched as I watched him inflict a Crucio curse on him. Newt fell to the floor immediately, screaming from agony. I couldn’t watch. For the life of me, I didn’t know why. What could I possibly feel for this man that would make me unable to watch?

“Grindelwald, that’s enough!” Dumbledore shouted as he raced forward and stood in front of Gellert. “Stop it! You’ll kill him!” He shoved his hands in his chest, breaking the focus and his spell. 

“They’ve stopped me for the last time, Albus,” he informed darkly, getting nose to nose with Dumbledore. 

As if I were in a daze, I didn’t notice how Vinda and Abernathy tried to fight Nora, Theseus, and Tina who had all recovered from their wounds. Newt was still on the floor, gasping for air. My eyes only watched Gellert who was speaking in hushed, angry tones to Dumbledore. Magic, spells, jinxes flew across the classroom, lighting it up before suddenly I looked up and I was surrounded. I raised my wand, still in a daze, moving automatically, without thought. That was my downfall, because Nora disarmed me, rather easily. I’d never been disarmed during a duel. 

Nora threw a Confundo charm at Vinda and Abernathy, making them stop their onslaught completely. 

“Go! Go now!” Dumbledore pressed. “Get to my office!” 

My arms were being grabbed by Theseus and Newt to be forced into the office. Nora slammed the door behind all of us and locked it before we heard shouting. I heard Gellert trying to spell the door open, and suddenly I snapped out of whatever I was doing.

“What the… Let me go!” I screamed, fighting them. I went to aim my wand, only to find my wand was no longer in my hand. My frenzied eyes searched the room, and saw Tina had it. I clawed and fought my two captors. “Gellert!” I screamed as loud as my voice would go. “Unhand me!” I shouted, fighting until Nora finally turned and charmed me. 

“Immobulus,” she firmly stated.

My body and mouth instantly stopped moving, but inside I was still thrashing around in my head. 

Nora looked to the fireplace and inspected it. Meanwhile outside, the shouts and the attempts at the door had seemed to stop, making me worry for Gellert.

“It’s connected to the floo network,” she informed. 

“Do we use that?” Theseus questioned.

“What choice do we have?”

“Right.” 

With that, Nora charmed me once more with “Mobilicorpus” and she put me in the fireplace next to her. She grabbed my hand, and said her address loud and clear, and we were off, down the floo network.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[iwhumpyou]

The Cost (Part 6)

Masterlist.  Wergild.

Taglist: @whumps-the-word, @swordkallya, @whumpy-daydreams.

Part 5.

~#~#~#~#~#~

Jace sighed when he closed the door of his office behind him, and groaned when he realized it was already occupied.

And then stilled, because there was a letter in Jayden’s hand, and he did not look amused.

“Jayden –”

“You told me you were allied with the elementalists now,” Jayden said, his voice level.

“We are.”

“Really?” Jayden hummed, staring at the letter, “Because this doesn’t sound very friendly.”

“Jayden –”

“‘I’ve been informed that Aidan and Nerali are guests at your compound’,” Jayden read out, “Which means she’s not the one who sent them. Which means you’re not entertaining guests, you’re harboring runaways.”

“Aidan is Clarissa’s second-in-command,” Jace said mildly, “I have no issues accepting his word on behalf of his clan’s.  I’m not interested in elementalist infighting.”

Jayden shot him a sharp look at that, but then turned back to the letter.  “‘It reminds me of the last time we worked together’,” he read out, “‘We were always a good team.’”

Jace winced.  That one was more difficult to explain.

“When was the last time you worked together with Clarissa, Jace?” Jayden asked quietly, “Is she talking about the peace talks?”

No, she wasn’t. “Three years ago,” Jace said, which was a cop-out and an answer all on its own.

Jayden didn’t visibly react, but his fingers went still on the letter.

“Three years ago,” he repeated flatly.

Jace set his jaw and stared at his cousin.  He didn’t get to judge him.  Not when he left them.  Jayden had always had a temper, and in trying to protect his family, left them without any protector at all.

“‘Peace is not built on people.’  ‘It is stronger than either one of us.’”  Jayden repeated the last lines, “‘Give my regards to Mirai.  She has grown into a fine warrior.’”  Jayden stared at the letter and exhaled softly.

“You said peace,” Jayden said softly, and raised his head to meet Jace’s gaze, “This?  This is a threat.”

“It’s complicated,” Jace said, because he understood why Clarissa was angry, and what she was warning him against.

“She near-outright told you that she’d replace you with Mirai and your only excuse is ‘it’s complicated’?” Jayden spluttered.

“It’s complicated,” Jace repeated, a hint of steel in his tone.  He walked forward and snatched the letter out of Jayden’s hands.  “You don’t know why she sent that.  You don’t know what the context is.  I understand you’re upset, Jay, but you walked into the third act. You don’t get to pass judgement calls.”

Something in Jayden’s eyes went sharp as he stilled.  “I’m just worried about you,” he said finally.

“I’m not a kid anymore,” Jace said patiently, “I’m the clan leader.  You have to trust that I know what I’m doing.”

“Oh, spirits, has it really come to that?” Jayden asked, smiling sadly.

Jace laughed, shoving at his shoulder.  Jayden leaned with the push, curling an arm around his shoulder.  Jace relaxed against him.

“Clarissa said she’ll come to pick up her sister,” Jayden said into the silence, “When will the treatment be finished?”

“A couple of days, I think,” Jace mused, “Might give it till the end of the week.  And then all the elementalists will be out of our hair.”

“Looking forward to it,” Jayden said dryly. 

~#~

Aidan shivered as he began climbing the rungs.  He couldn’t go back to sleep, not when he saw jeering faces in every shadow.  He had left Nerali’s side in the afternoon, unable to stay in the same space as Jayden, unable to stand the feeling of the other man’s gaze boring into him as he tried to remember one of the worst days of Aidan’s life.

He had thought about warning Nerali away from him, but the last time they told her not to do something, she nearly started a war.  And then fixed it.  (Aidan wasn’t quite sure which one was worse.)

So he spent an afternoon worried about Nerali and terrified about Jayden in equal measure.  It wasn’t a surprise that he couldn’t sleep.

Aidan climbed up the last few rungs, intent on relaxing with the stars, far away from footsteps and shadows and –

Unfortunately, the platform was already occupied.

Aidan stopped at the top of the ladder, watching the figure staring out at the stars.  The moonlight was full, and it illuminated a face that was softly smiling.

It also illuminated the key dangling between his fingers.

“Why do you have that?” the words came unbidden.

Jayden’s smile grew, and he curled his fingers around the key.  He didn’t turn to look at Aidan.  “I got it from my dear cousin,” he said, straightening up, “I was the enforcer, did you know that?  For my uncle, of course.  Until the old man decided that he didn’t want a soldier that spoke his mind.”  His mouth twisted before smoothing out.  “I thought I’d pick up my old job, now that I’m here.”

Aidan stayed where he was, eyeing the ladder back down.  Pity it was too far to jump.

“And what are you planning to do with it?” Aidan asked coldly.  His fingers were trembling – Aidan curled them into fists, not that it made him feel any better.

“Peace is a fragile thing,” Jayden hummed, finally turning towards him.  The winds picked up, raising goosebumps along Aidan’s arms.

“How long do you think it’ll last after I dump your broken corpse at your sister’s feet?”

Aidan stared at him. Jayden gazed back, his smile soft and utterly at odds with his words.

“War,” Aidan said, “You want war.”

Jayden laughed.  “Oh poor rainbow boy, so far from home,” he said in a lilting tone, a tune that raised the hair on Aidan’s arms and set his heart to pounding.  “Don’t you know what happens to rainbow boys, when they claim the forest as their own?” 

– “Oh poor rainbow boy,” a tall youth laughed, crouching in the mud, “So far from home.”

The boy was crying, an arm twisted around broken ribs, dead sparks fluttering from his fingers.

“Don’t you know what happens to rainbow boys?”  A stomp on broken fingers, and a howl that split the air. “When they claim the forest as their own?” –

His smile grew at the look on Aidan’s face.  “Did you really think I wouldn’t recognize you?” Jayden asked softly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Aidan swallowed, backing up and searching blindly for the first rung down.

“Then why are you running?” Jayden asked.

Aidan threw caution to the wind and took two rungs at a time – he stumbled, five feet off the lower platform, and hit it hard enough to knock the breath from his lungs.

Jayden laughed, leisurely descending the ladder, moonlight dancing on his grin.  Aidan scrambled upright as soon as he could breathe, heading for – where?  He couldn’t trust Jace, he wouldn’t lead Jayden back to Nerali, he didn’t know Mirai’s intentions – he could get out, sprint back to their compound and hope that the darkness would conceal his flight, but he wouldn’t leave Nerali here alone and – 

He didn’t have any warning before Jayden attacked.  He was tackled to the ground – Aidan swung wide, but flames didn’t arc at his fingertips and Jayden caught his hand.  The smile was still stretching his face, turning a not-unattractive face into something slightly manic.

“You don’t need these anymore,” Jayden said, before twisting.

Aidan barely managed to strangle the scream as his fingers shattered.  He writhed underneath Jayden but the older man had pinned him down and Aidan’s panicked struggles were nothing compared to Jayden’s strength.

“Like a beached fish gasping out its last breaths,” Jayden mused, and Aidan snarled as a hand found its way to his throat, long fingers wrapping around his neck and squeezing.

“Aren’t elementalists supposed to be able to control the air?” Jayden laughed, watching as Aidan wheezed, trying to pry his fingers off.  Jayden merely squeezed harder.  “You’re the same failure we found in the woods all those years ago.”

Aidan twisted his face into a snarl, but Jayden just laughed.  “Little rainbow boys never grow up,” he said – and then he wrenched Aidan upright, his grip still tight on Aidan’s throat.

Aidan choked – his vision was beginning to go fuzzy, colored dots swimming across it as Jayden dragged him by his throat.

“I’ll finish what I started all those years ago,” Jayden said, and Aidan couldn’t see his face anymore, he couldn’t see anything anymore because there were iron bands crushing his throat and he couldn’t breathe and he could barely move and –

The world tilted around him. The iron bands of pressure disappeared. Aidan drew a startled breath – and choked on it when he hit the ground.

He could feel the impact in every bone in his body.  He could feel something in his chest snap under the sudden burst of pressure.  He couldn’t breathe – he couldn’t even remember how to breathe, he could do nothing but clutch at the ground with his fingers.

There was an earth-shaking thud near him and Aidan forced his head up to see Jayden strolling over to him.

“I didn’t end your pitiful life all those years ago,” he said, crouching near Aidan.  Aidan tried to swipe at him, but his arms were heavy and uncoordinated.  “And look how you’ve squandered that gift.” 

“It wasn’t a gift,” Aidan forced out, curling his fingers in the dirt and pushing – through the shakiness, through the terror, through the pain that knifed through him as he forced himself up onto hands and knees.  “It was torture.”

“Oh, little rainbow boy, you don’t know what torture is,” Jayden said, his smile falling.  His face was cast in shadows as he blocked out the moonlight.

“Torture is watching your family suffer and being unable to help them.”  Aidan tried to crawl away – his right leg shrieked at him if he tried to put weight on it and he dragged it along, his only thought to get away.

“Torture is stumbling through the desert and dreaming of water with every step.”  Aidan hissed as he clawed forward another step.

“Torture is hearing the screams of the people you love and being too far away to help.”  Aidan pulled himself forward, fighting against the throbbing pain. 

“You don’t know what torture is,” Jayden said, and then stomped on Aidan’s bad leg.  Aidan screamed, curling up as pain erupted from fractured bone.

“Be grateful.”

~#~

Part 7.

[jade4813]

The Lies We Tell Ourselves, Chapter 10

Fandom: Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist

Title: The Lies We Tell Ourselves

Rating: PG (I’m assuming it’ll stay there?)

Pairing: Zoey/Max

Synopsis: Max would do anything for Zoey. Including posing as her fake boyfriend to give her father one last “big moment” to celebrate with her. Nothing could possibly go wrong. After all, it’s only his heart that stands to be broken. Right?

Chapter: 10/11

Author’s Notes: Takes place after Zoey’s Extraordinary Glitch.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Zoey was subdued as she led Max into her apartment. Her heart song had apparently convinced him to listen, but she wasn’t sure how to get him to give her a second chance. She didn’t know how to convince him of the truth.

But as lost and confused as she was, she knew that this was perhaps her one chance to make him understand. She refused to squander it. For the first time, she knew she wasn’t afraid anymore. If she could just get through to him, their love would be strong enough.

Taking his hand, she led him to the couch. “So.” She attempted to lob the first conversational volley, but nothing came immediately to mind.

As always, Max saved her. “So…that was quite the heart song you sang back there.”

“Yeah,” she agreed sheepishly. “But at least…it has to prove that I was telling the truth about my feelings for you. Doesn’t it?”

“It does,” he agreed, but there was just enough of a pause before he replied, and he dragged out the second word just long enough, that she knew it wasn’t going to be that easy.

“But?” she prompted.

He sighed. “But…I don’t want to hurt you, but I need to be honest with you, Zo. I’m not sure it matters if you were telling the truth.” Slumping, he linked his fingers behind his head and sighed. “The thing is, I’ve heard it before. Your heart song, telling me that you loved me. And just look what happened! You sang to me that you loved me, then you sang a song to Simon. You come over to my place and tell me you love me, and I know you were drunk but…how was I supposed to react to that? I wanted to believe it! And then you go and…” Dropping his hands, he looked over at her, and his eyes were sad. “I’m not sure if just knowing you love me is enough for me anymore.”

She bit her lip. “So you are mad at me,” she said softly.

“No!” he began to protest, before heaving a heavy sigh. “All right, yes. I guess I am. I’m just…I’m tired of being the fallback guy. I love you, Zoey. I’ve never had to question it. I’ve just known it. You will never come second to me, but I seem to always come second to you. How am I supposed to deal with that?”

She grabbed his hand, holding it in hers. “You aren’t second to me, Max! You aren’t! It isn’t like that! I admit I’ve been…confused. Scared. I was running away from my feelings. From you.”

He pulled his hand away. “And how do you think that makes me feel? To know that I’m so sure about you, the person I love – the person I am that sure about, well, isn’t really sure how they feel about me?”

“That isn’t fair, Max. This kind of stuff…it isn’t easy for me. But that doesn’t mean I’m not trying, and it doesn’t mean it isn’t real.”

His gaze dropped to the floor. “I know it isn’t fair. But it’s how I feel. And I can’t keep pretending it isn’t, even to myself, because I’m scared it will hurt you to hear.”

She dropped her head, watching her fingers twist anxiously in her lap. “So where do we go from here?” she asked, her voice soft and sad.

A long silence followed her question, during which she held her breath, praying he would say something that would make it all right. Instead, he replied sadly, “I don’t know. I just can’t be your backup plan, when things with Simon don’t work out.” When she started to protest, he shook his head. “I know you’re telling me now that’s not what this is, and trust me, I want to believe that. You have no idea how much I want to believe that. I just…can’t.”

Shifting in her seat, she wanted to reach for him, but he felt like he was a million miles away from her. “So this is it? I was so scared of losing you that I lost you anyway.”

Max stood, and she followed him to the door. “Not exactly. I mean, we’ll always be friends, right? I just need a little time to find my way back there.”

“But this thing…for my dad…are we still…”

He turned his head quickly, but not fast enough to entirely conceal his wince, and she realized that she was doing it again. Putting Max’s feelings second. Behind herself, behind Simon, behind her dad. That she didn’t doubt he understood why she was doing it in this instance didn’t change the fact she was doing it. And probably didn’t make it hurt any less.

But as he always did, he let her. His smile was reassuring when he turned back to face her. “Yeah, of course. You know I’d do anything for Mitch.” Hesitating a brief second, he leaned down and pressed a kiss against her cheek.” See you later, Zoey.”

She sighed as she closed the door behind him, leaning heavily against its solid surface. It took her a few minutes to clear her head, but then she knew what she had to do. Not for herself. Not to convince Max to love her. But for him. Because even if she had been driven by fear for too long and lost her chance at his love, he had to understand that he was wrong. He wasn’t a second choice. He deserved so, so much better than that.

It was going to require her to be just a little bit brave. But she could do it. For Max.

“Are you free for lunch today? I wanted to meet up with my dad, since we skipped out on charades.”

“Sure! What’d you have in mind?”

“Meet me at that park a couple blocks away at noon? I thought my dad would like the fresh air.”

“Sounds good. See you there!”

Trying to not pace, Zoey read the text for the fourth time in as many minutes, wanting to reassure herself that she hadn’t gotten it wrong. Max was on his way.

“This was a lovely idea, Zoey. Your father and I haven’t been on a picnic for years!” Maggie said cheerfully, laying out the blanket.

With some effort, Emily lowered herself onto the ground and started spreading out the food. “If this is all leading to you trying to convince us that your forfeited game of charades shouldn’t count as a loss, you’re wasting your time.”

“It didn’t even occur to me!” Zoey replied with wounded dignity. Actually, she probably would have made the effort, if she didn’t have so much on her mind.

“Uh huh,” her sister-in-law replied with a skeptical snort.

David took a seat beside her, being careful not to get grass stains on his suit. “What is this about, anyway? Not that I’m not glad to have lunch with everyone, of course, but you made it sound like an emergency.”

She took a deep breath. “I know. I’ll explain everything when Max gets here. I promise.” She was tempted to pull her phone out to read his texts one more time, but just then, she saw him approach. Although it sent the butterflies in her stomach into overdrive, she paused to admire the sight of him. Dressed all in black, his hair adorably tousled by the wind, she wondered how she ever could have been blind to how easily he took her breath away.

“Hey, guys! Sorry I’m a few minutes late. I had a meeting that ran over,” he greeted them apologetically as he placed his hand on Zoey’s waist and bent for a brief kiss. She put her hand on his shoulder, longing to hold him close to her forever, but she didn’t protest when he straightened and moved away to help finish setting things up.

Her family settled in to eat, and Zoey shot a quick look at her dad. He was just waiting patiently, staring at her, and she wondered if he somehow knew what she was about to do. Or perhaps that was just wishful thinking. She sucked in a long, shaky breath, trying to gather her courage. But then her gaze drifted to Max, and courage wasn’t so hard to find. As nervous as she was about disappointing her parents – particularly her father – she had no doubt she was doing the right thing.

“Before we get started, there’s something…I need to tell you. All of you,” she began, standing in front of her family stretched out on the lawn. I know you’ll probably have a million questions about what I’m about to say, but just…hear me out, okay?”

Max looked up at her in surprise. Then, glancing around the group, he seemed to suspect what she was about to do because he sat bolt upright. “Zoey, you don’t have to do this…” he began, jumping to his feet.

“Yes, I do,” she argued, holding up one hand to stop him in his tracks. Turning her attention back to her family, she continued, “The thing is, I haven’t been very fair to Max. For a while, now, really. And I realized last night that he deserves so much better than what I’ve put him through. So much better.” She paused, looking at her dad. “And all of you deserve the truth.”

“Zoey,” Max protested again, stepping around the picnic blanket to approach her, but she ignored him as Emily looked between them.

“This isn’t going to be another one of those moments where the two of you totally bail on us to go make out or something, is it?”

Her laugh was shaky, uncertain. Rueful. “No, pretty much the opposite, actually.”

Max tried to stop her one more time. Cupping her chin, he gently tilted her head back so he could meet her eyes and murmured, “You really don’t have to do this. Not for me.” She didn’t reply, simply grabbing his hand in hers and hold it tight as she turned back to her family.

“The truth is, a few weeks ago, Max really did hire an entire flash mob to tell me he loves me, and I did freak out. But…the rest of what we said was a lie. We aren’t together.” Her voice caught on the last word, but she forced herself to continue. “Romantically, I mean. We never have been.”

Her mom shot them both a confused look as she said in a tone of amused confusion, “Well, you’ve certainly been doing a lot of kissing for two people who aren’t dating!”

“I know,” she admitted, squeezing Max’s hand. “The thing is, when we got the news that…that dad was in the final stage of his illness, I wanted to give him one last big moment to celebrate. You know? So I…” Her voice caught, falling to barely above a whisper as she continued, “I asked Max to pretend to be my boyfriend. So dad wouldn’t worry about me when he…when he…” She couldn’t say it.

Her mom breathed her name in a shocked undertone. In response, stroking his thumb reassuringly along the curve of her hand, Max cut in, “She asked me if I knew anyone who would be willing to do it, and I volunteered.” He was trying to protect her, as he always did, and the realization made her heart ache.

Zoey was tempted to stop there. She knew their confusion would turn to condemnation as she continued, and she couldn’t stand to see that in their eyes. She especially couldn’t stand to see the pain her words would cause Max. But she owed him more honesty than she had yet offered, and so she bowed her head as she admitted, “But the thing is, I knew he would. I knew how he felt about me, and I knew pretending like this would hurt him. I didn’t mean to hurt him, but I did it anyway.”

“That’s…uh…that’s quite the story,” David finally spoke, breaking the silence that had fallen in the group. “I know your heart was in the right place, Zoey, even if I don’t agree with what you did. But Max? I don’t understand what you were thinking!”

“Don’t blame him,” she begged before Max could respond. “He did it for me. And I let him because…I think I wanted to pretend it was true. Even if I didn’t want to admit it. But Max…he’s been amazing through everything. Truly. He’s been willing to do whatever I asked him, just to make dad happy. Even though I’ve done nothing but hurt him over and over again.” She shot him a look out of the corner of her eye, bracing herself for what she was about to confess. “Even more than he knows.”

He hesitated, throwing her a confused look, and she charged ahead before she could lose her nerve. “Max had sung a song to me, to confess his feelings, so I decided to do the same. I sang a love song to him.” It was a small distortion of the truth, and she’d considered confessing all. But at the last minute, she decided it would be too much to try to explain her powers to her family, or the strange glitch she had experienced. As honest as she was trying to be, telling them that she had connected to her father in a way they couldn’t would only cause unnecessary pain. Even if they believed her, which was unlikely. “Then I…I kind of threw myself at Simon. I kissed him.”

She watched as Max recoiled at this confession, though he tried to hide it. She’d never told him that the kiss he had witnessed had not been their first. But the time for hiding the truth from him was over. He deserved honesty, even if it meant she lost him forever. He dropped her hand, and she curled hers into a fist, missing his warmth.

Her heart heavy in her chest, she concluded her confession. “I was confused, and I didn’t know what I wanted. So I did it again. I told Max I loved him, and then Simon and I…we kissed. Every time Max and I got close, I ran. Like I did after he sang to me. I’ve been an idiot, making one bad decision after another this whole time.”

Emily shifted uncomfortably on the ground. “Uh…this is fascinating, but I’m not sure we need to know all this,” she pointed out, trying to soften the harsh edge to her voice. In some ways, she wasn’t any better at dealing with other people’s emotions than Zoey. Maggie murmured something to her, and she cried defensively, “What? We were all thinking it!”

“You’re probably right, Emily, but after all this time, I owed you the truth.” Though she was addressing everyone, she spoke directly to Max. Although she’d managed to keep her feelings under control this whole time, but now that her confession was near the end, she found herself struggling not to cry.

Swallowing heavily, she glanced at her parents. “I’m sorry. Mom, Dad…David, Emily. I know I owe all of you an apology. I’m sorry I lied to you.” Then, turning to Max again, with her heart aching, she continued, “But mostly I’m sorry to you, Max. I know I’ve lost…everything. Your love. Your trust. And I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

“Zoey,” he breathed, but she shook her head, needing to get through this once and for all.

“No. I was selfish in wanting to pretend we were together when I knew how you felt about me. And I let my fear blind me to how I felt about you for too long. I know I’ve missed my chance, and none of this changes anything. But I really am sorry. But even if I haven’t showed it, I wanted you to know that…you’re wonderful. And…and you aren’t my backup plan. You aren’t my second choice. You never were. You’re…you’re my forever guy.”

“I…” He was staring at her with wide eyes, and she watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed heavily. He turned from her to her family and scanned their faces like he didn’t know what to say. “I…”

He looked to Zoey again, and she was amazed to see a tiny smile lurk at the corners of his mouth. “Actually, will you guys excuse the two of us? I think this is definitely one of those moments where Zoey and I bail on you so we can go make out.”

He didn’t wait for a response, grabbing Zoey’s hand and pulling her away. But they didn’t get far; when they ran behind a tree, she tugged at his hand, pulling him to a stop. He turned, pressing his back against the rough bark and pulling her into his arms.

“What -?” she started to ask, but that was as far as she got before his mouth was on hers, demanding and hungry. She speared her fingers into his hair, holding his head in place as she returned his kiss. She wasn’t sure what this meant, but if this was to be the final embrace the two would ever share, she would make it last, and she would carry this memory to the end of her days.

When the kiss broke off, she rested her forehead against his. Since their charade had begun, the scent of Max’s aftershave had clung to her, so that she carried him with her everywhere. Keeping her eyes closed, Zoey breathed him in. If she had the power to stop time, she would choose this moment to freeze, to live in for an eternity.

“Max?” she whispered, afraid to even hope. But when she opened her eyes, she found that he was looking down at her with such love, it was a mystery that she had missed it for so long.

“Oh, Zoey,” he murmured, leaning back to caress her cheek. “You didn’t have to do that for me.”

“Yes,” she replied firmly. “I did.”

“And you say you’re not good at big gestures,” he teased her lightly, leaning in for another kiss.

She didn’t protest. After all their confusion and misunderstandings, after all the time they wasted, she could have kissed him forever. “I really do love you, you know,” she whispered her promise against his lips.

“Yeah,” he answered back, his voice just as soft, this time without a moment of hesitation or doubt. “I know. Thank you. For your honesty.” His hands stroked up and down her back, as though he couldn’t get enough of touching her as he brushed feather-light kisses across her cheeks, her temple, her jaw, her mouth. “Oh, and for the record? I never stopped loving you.” He nibbled softly on her lower lip. “Well, maybe a little when I found out how wrong you are about the whole Stay Puft, T-Rex thing. You’re really, really wrong about that, and it’s very important to me that you admit it.”

She feigned a gasp of dismay, but she was unable to completely hide her grin as she protested, “I am not wrong about that!”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Her heart warmed at the endearment. “You really, really are. But more importantly…does this mean you’ve technically proposed to me? Because I’m not necessarily opposed to the idea, but don’t you think you’re moving a little fast? Anyway, I was hoping for a little more romance. You’d take me out to dinner…buy me a ring…”

This time, her gasp was real, and she laughed softly as she gave his shoulder a playful slap. “What? I did not just propose to you!”

Tilting his head to the side, he gave her a skeptical smile, but he was grinning when he replied, “Mmm…really? Are you sure about that? I’m your forever guy? That sounds like a proposal to me. Should we ask your family what they think? Because I think they’d agree with me.”

“Oh, my god. You are such a dork,” she groaned, rolling her eyes at him as she pulled him in for a searing kiss. Smiling against his mouth, she suggested, “I have a better idea. Do you think you could call off for the rest of the day? Because I can think of something better we could be doing.”

“Oh, yeah?” he asked, sounding adorably confused. “Like wha- oh. Ohhh!”

Zoey’s laughter was free and unbridled as she rested her head on his shoulder. “Like I said. You are such a dork.”

[anything-disney-that-i-like]

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!!!

DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THE MOVIE!!!!

DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND WATCH THE MOVIE ASAP!!!

The really beautiful thing about Onward is that it gave us a disfuntional sibling relationship where the older sibling isn’t the paragon of success and the pillar of idealizaation for the younger sibling. The last time we had this was Lilo and Stitch, and even then the relationship they had was much more parent-to-child than it was sisters.

Sure, Lilo and Nani fought like sisters, and they bickered, and they very much shared the key dynamic that is much older siblings caring for their much younger non-womb-incured baby but that’s the thing. Their age difference and maturity level required that Nani be more of a mom a lot sooner to Lilo than a sister. I relate to that because I have 2 sisters, and their relationship is sooooooo different than the relationship I have with either of them. The relationship I have with my youngest sister (15 years younger than me) is the relationship Nani and Lilo have with each other.

Every time I see that movie, I feel Nani’s frustration when she’s trying to correct Lilo, when she’s trying to get her to do something. When she loses her patience and then says some stuff she really shouldn’t have and gosh dang it, this authority figure who was NOT supposed to hear that heard and now I have to figure out how to not get in trouble bc FUDGE BROWNIES!!! But their relationship is more like what we see when Nani gets fired and when Lilo asks her if it was her fault, she says that no, that he boss was actually a vampire and he wanted her to join his army of evil undead.

What does Lilo say? “I knew it.”

What does Nani respond? Nothing. She just rolls with it and doesn’t make her second guess her words. Their relationship is sister when it comes with dealing with each other’s quirks and not pointing out they’re quirks bc they’ve grown up together. They know all the weird things that would be weird from other people, or even WERE weird at some point but their parents reprimanded them for being rude about how they pointed it out, and so now they’ve learned to shrug it off or just not even flinch around said quirks.

But Ian and Barley’s relationship is much like the relationship I have with my slightly older little sister. She’s 13 years younger than me but by god would you swear the ages were reversed. She’s smart, creative, clever, logical, very organized, EASILY embarrased by me, and has her life already planned out and ready for success.

I am only like Nani in how I know my youngest, and how we’re disfunctional but functional in our own way. And thank god, we don’t have to worry about it just being us. I am much more like Barley. I already graduated but I’m kind of in my own gap year at the moment. Not so much bc I’m taking a break but because I’m having such a hard time finding a job. I’m very enthusiastic about things I’m passionate about. I can be loud and obnoxious, and sometimes when I try to help I make things worse. I absolutely adore my siblings and am always giving them hugs and am just very *loud* in how I express my love for them. With my Lilo, she could care less. She rolls with it bc this is what I’ve always been like and she doesn’t know any different version of me. But with my Ian, she cringes. She freaks out. She pretends to not know me. She’s embarrased by me...

I am her Barley and I cringed when I realized (literally as soon as Ian started complaining about him and his “toys”) bc this was the very beginning and I get that there were going to be some brotherly conflicts but I did not expect the level of similarities the brothers would share to my own dynamic with my sister.

I cried a lot during the movie and not so much because of some heartbreak or sad scene or whatnot. I cried because there were so many scenes were Barely was doing his best. Where he was saying something he really shouldn’t have been saying but he didn’t realize that’s something you shouldn’t say bc he’s so pure and honest and his filter doesn’t work and gosh dangit, now he’s in trouble! There were so many things that caused my sister to yell “That’s you!” and just as many that made me yell “I’m sorry!” But the scene that we both felt that we were both extremely tense and quiet through was the transformation spell and the lie Ian said that hurt Barley so much.

I know my sister thinks I’m a failure. She literally tells me every time she’s made “At least I’m not the 25 year old without a job.” Or “Please, when I’m 16 I’m probably going to be the one teaching you how to drive.” And my “favorite,” “I should be the one in charge bc I’m not the one with a disease!” What disease was she reffering to? Social Anxiety. Depression. Autism. Queer. I’m not the sister she expects or wants. I’m the one she’s stuck with. And because I don’t reach her standards for what she thinks someone my age should be like, she thinks I’m a failure.

This movie made me cry so much. I hope it made her think about our relationship too, and maybe how we can both improve how we interact with one another. It’s only been 1 day since we saw but it really struck a chord (multiple actually), and I can’t let it go.

Onward gave us brothers who don’t see each other equally. Barley loves his brother, but he will always see him with a fatherly lense. He can’t help it. His life experiences shaped that role in him too much. He’ll be a world class dad when he has his own children, but he’s too much of a dad to his little brother. And Ian sees Barley as his immature brother. He took the fact that he didn’t have his dad around as a cue to grow up as soon as possible. To be the adult he thought his dad would want him to be. He may have just had the personality that made him much more mature, more needing adult acceptance, and needing to have some sort of control, but it was the presumed lack of a father figure that made him act older and not give himself to enjoy the llittle things or see what was right in front of him.

I love that their relationship becomes much equal. Yes, Barley is still a father figure, but he also stepped down to be more of a brother to give Ian space. And Ian recognized what Barley did for him, what Barley always tried to be for him. He accepts Barley’s affection a bit better because he recognizes that Barley needs Ian to know he really does love him. He also understands better why Ian is the man he is, and why he makes the decisions he makes. They understand each other better and though nothing has really changed in how they interact, it’s the paradigm shift that was what saved their relationship so that when they’re 50 and look back on life, they can look back at all the wonderful memories they’ve shared and not look back on a life where they grew distant as soon as Ian was old enough to leave for college and not be forced to interact with his brother.

Onward is an amazing movie with a powerful sibling relationship. Not because they loved each other so much and fought to show the other how much they loved each other but because they had them realize what they already had and to not squander that.

If you read this and haven’t watched Onward, what are you doing???? Go get your booty to the nearest screen and either rent it or use the DIsney+ free trial to watch! If you did watch it, thank you for listening to my personal essay and why Onward means so much to me. I know I probably overshared but this movie is my “in an alternate, genderbend-fantasy-universe, My Ian and I are Barley and Ian” movie. I love it and I hope you do (or will) too.

[ren-c-leyn]

Another fusion story! This one is done using this prompt by @p-r-o-m-p-t-s, these 1,2,3,4 by @thependragonwritersguild, these 1,2 by @givethispromptatry, and these 1,2 by @promptsforthestrugglingauthor.

 This one is kind of a weird one where I’m not quite sure what to call it, really. It mentions two deaths in passing, but also has some fonder memories mixed in, and ends on a hopeful note. So make of it what you will.

~   I wandered down the rows of hydrangea, letting my bare feet press into the soil. With everything that had been happening in my life lately it was nice to take just a few moments to reconnect. A few minutes to say good-bye.

 It was harder than I thought it would be, preparing to leave this place. Not because anything was particularly stopping me, all of the guards and servants had stopped listening to mother ages ago, but because of the memories I had made here, with father and my siblings.

 Wandering out of father’s garden, the one we had all planted together before the illness got the better of him, took me past the training grounds. I glanced over at the knights in training and the ones responsible for training them. For a second, my mind wandered into the past. My older brother’s image came to mind, twirling his blade with expert skill and a sort of confidence I will always envy.

 The last time I saw him was six years ago, when mother sent him off to the war. The horrible scene haunted my nightmares ever since, and even found time to visit me now.

 “He’s to be knighted tomorrow, you know.” My mother spoke to the room as a whole, rather than at anyone in particular. I knew it was a snide comment towards him: her eldest son, made an invalid too young, squandering his talent and his status.

 “And what dreadful timing,” he had mused. “Just in time for the Queen to call another war, and send him off to the death.”

 And she had done it too, just as he predicted. I remember crying, clinging to his cloak as he tried to get on his horse to go, begging him to stay. I don’t remember exactly what he had said to convince me to let go. A promise about letter, or souvenirs? Maybe both.

 A yelp from a rookie snapped me back into the present, the same old captain shouting about footwork mistakes. I watched for a moment later before making my way back inside.

 There was no way back to my room from this side without passing other sadly familiar doors: like my older sister’s room. I remembered how we used to fight constantly before our brother’s death, particularly after she started learning magic. I smiled as an old memory of one such battle came to mind.

 “Stop turning my cat different colors!”

 “But he looks better pink, instead of boring orange.”

 “Orange will always be better than stupid pink!”

 “You take that back, you brat!”

 She was a fiery one, the only one of the three of us who talked back to mother. One such occasion was when mother had done the announcement that she was now the crowned heir.

 And I remember the broach being offered to her on a velvet pillow, and she stared at it. Then, with a flick of her wrist, it glowed like a forge until it lit aflame. The servant yelped as he dropped the pillow, backing away from it. And before all of the nobles of the court, my sister pointed her finger at mother’s face, called her a murderer, a monster, and then swore her oath: an oath to never set foot on the cursed soil of our kingdom again. And she laughed, laughed as she twirled around, disappearing in a tornado of autumn leaves.

 Some days, I can hear her laugh in the autumn wind. I know she’s found a place for herself, somewhere in the world.

 And as I passed the library, I recalled another person whom I dearly hoped had found his place in this world as well: my tutor. He had become something like a father figure to all of us after father’s death. But I think he had left the biggest impression on me, maybe because I’m the youngest.

 The smell of old books filled my nostrils as an old memory came to mind. We had been studying history and I was trying really hard to get all of the questions right.

 “You’ve been studying harder lately,” he commented. “And doing quite well. You’re catching up rapidly to your siblings, and may over take them any day now.”

 “It’s because of you.”

 He chuckled.

 “I have nothing to do with it, it is your own hard work paying off.”

  “I don’t think you understand your impact on my life.” I turned away from the bookshelf to face him. “You make me want to be kind, to myself and to others. I see you and I want to be like you. You inspire me to be better. At everything, studies, dealing with people, all of it.”

 And his face softened into a small smile.

 “You are certainly on the right track to achieve that goal, and I couldn’t be more proud.”

 Mother had blamed him for my siblings turning on her and exiled him from the kingdom. I had cried when he left too, hugging him at the gates and begging him not to got. He had patted my head, a warm smile on his face.

 “Worry not, little one. You’re capable of many things, you’ll get through this.”

 And just like that, he was gone, just like mother wanted. Though, I think she’d be livid if she realized my new tutor was even more encouraging when it came to self expression. In fact, she was teaching me how to do art. Oil paintings and sketches. What is it that she always says? Oh, that’s right: Art saves us from our blackest moments. 

 And I certainly had needed it when she came. I had no one left. Father and brother were dead, my sister was off turning other people’s cats pink, and mother hadn’t been mother since father had passed.

 Speaking of, I stopped in front of my chamber doors, my current mentor there with packed bags and a smile.

 “I didn’t think you’d want to wait any longer, so I packed the rest of your things for you, your highness,” she said as she held them out to me.

 I accepted them, a small smile creeping onto my face.

 ‘Thank you, I appreciate it.”

 She gave a nod.

 “Of course. I wish you the best of luck with your new life.”

 I nodded back to her.

 “And the best of luck with your endeavors as well.”

 I set foot in my room for the very last time, changing out of royal garb of velvet and silk into simple traveler’s clothes of leather and linen. I looked around one last time, listening to all of the whispers of the past. There were good memories here, and bad ones too. But they were all just that, memories, and it was time to go make new ones: on my own terms, my own way.

 I closed the door behind me, carrying my bags out to the front gate. No one stopped me, no one said a word, guards that had trained with my brother gave me half bows, the court mage whom trained my sister gave me a nod as he stepped out of my way, the maids and servants I had taken my meals with since the start of my solitude wiped tears and waved good-bye.

 It was hard, the hardest thing I had ever done. But I had waited for the clouds to part, for the rain to stop, to have the sun shimmer and dazzle me and save me from all of this. I was tired of waiting. I’d brave the storm, even if it soaked me to the bone.

 And as I stepped onto my saddle, in the same exact place I had begged my brother and my mentor not to leave, I realized something.

 My life was my own again.

[thequeerhistorian]

Mary Wollstonecraft, Mother of the Mary’s

For centuries, women have fought for the right to a proper education. History shows that noble or upper-class women were the only women allowed to get any sort of learning, and as history has continued, there has been a greater fight to give all girls the right to a proper education. One of the most notable women in this fight is Mary Wollstonecraft, an English woman who would fight tooth-and-nail for the education of girls and would not hold back against her male opponents. But to understand Mary’s importance to history, as with anyone, we must take a look at her life to see what led to her trailblazing fight for women’s education.

Mary Wollstonecraft was born in Primrose Street, London, on April 27th, 1759. She was the 2nd of 7 children, and the eldest daughter, to her father, Edward, and her mother, Elizabeth Dickson, an Irish Protestant, though Mary’s life was anything but a primrose path. Edward Wollstonecraft was an abusive bully, who seemed to leave a trail of failed work behind him. His father had been a successful silk merchant from Spitalfields, and left Mary’s father at least 10,000 pounds, which he squandered in failed farming ventures. His failures took him to six different places in Britain, until 1780, when her mother died. This would not be the last time Mary is faced with death, or failed marriages.

After losing her mother, Mary decided to make her way in the world. She lived with her lifelong friend, Fanny, and in 1783, Mary helped her sister escape an abusive marriage, and kept her safe, while the divorce was finalized. The three girls, together, decided to build a school in Newington Green, which failed financially. After this, Fanny left for Lisbon, got married and became pregnant. She begged Mary to come visit and Mary arrived in Lisbon to Fanny in premature labor. Sadly, Mary would have to watch her dear friend, and Fanny’s newborn baby, die on the same night, in 1785. All of this would likely culminate in Mary’s less than happy view of marriage and motherhood. Mary was surrounded by women who died for motherhood and were repeatedly failed by men who were supposed to love and support them. Mary also supposedly mimicked Fanny’s death in one of her later novels. (Mary, A Fiction)

Mary would end up leaving the school to go to Ireland, which is when the young writer found herself employed as a governess in Co. Cork, Ireland, in 1786 for Lord and Lady Kingsborough. Mary taught their three daughters and was just beginning to make way as a writer. She had already submitted her first book, Thoughts on the Education of Daughters, a series of essays, to Joseph Johnson. Her essays would be published in 1787. During her stay, Mary would begin working on her book, Mary, A Fiction (1788).

Upon her return to London, Mary began working for Joseph Johnson again, creating more writings and growing her literary prowess. She wrote her next book, Original Stories from Real Life; with Conversations, calculated to Regulate the Affections, and Form the Mind to Truth and Goodness (1788) and The Female Reader; Miscellaneous Pieces in Prose and Verse; Selected from the Best Writers and Disposed under Proper Heads; for the Improvement of Young Women (1789) created under the nom de plume, Mr. Cresswick, teacher of Elocution.

I find it telling that even as a woman with growing knowledge of literature and the education of young girls, she felt the best way to get people to truly listen to her was to take the appearance of a man. After all, despite Wollstonecraft’s lack of a formal education, she had gained quite a vast knowledge on these subjects. Considering the school she created, her work as a governess, her work with Johnson that led to her getting to rub shoulders with men like William Blake and Godwin, as well as having direct access to review and translate the works of men like Jacques Necker, Reverend C.G. Salzmann, and Madame de Cambon from Dutch, French, and German. Even with what little she had, she was a woman of great intelligence and knowledge in these fields.

Mary was also not afraid to go toe-to-toe with writers of the day. She was a staunch supporter of the French Revolution for their egalitarian views (though this support would pointedly end during the Reign of Terror) and wrote a scathing response to Edmund Burke’s Reflections on the Revolution in France which would become her book, A Vindication of the Rights of Men (1790). Two years later, Mary wrote A Vindication of the Rights of Woman which included an equally scathing response to Jean-Jacque Rousseau’s book on education, Emile, which included the story of a boy and his learning through experiences in nature, while in the same book, discussing a little girl who could not learn or understand like Emile could because she was a girl. Wollstonecraft likens him to a barbarian and calls his beliefs “madness”. She believed there was no reason a girl shouldn’t be taught as a boy would.

Perhaps Wollstonecraft’s growing attack against her counterparts shows her determination to stand up for girls and their education. After all, Mary would have particularly strong feelings, considering she had to watch her brother get a formal education while she and her siblings were pushed aside. After all, she worked just as hard, if not harder, than these men, so why shouldn’t she? I also find it interesting that while she worked with many of the more respected of her time, Mary’s name tends to be the one we know better over many of these men.

The same year Mary published her most well-known book, she met Captain Gilbert Imlay, whom she began an affair with and had a daughter. She named the girl Fanny after her childhood best friend. Mary would make a note to continue writing as she raised her daughter, but this romance would not last long. Imlay would turn on Mary and abandon her and their daughter, leaving Mary distraught and alone. She attempted suicide, but was luckily saved, and she would soon fall in love with her old friend, William Godwin. The two married and Mary gave birth to their daughter, also named Mary, but this would not be such a happy time. Despite Mary wanting a midwife who would be more experienced, Mary was put under the care of a doctor who mishandled a minor surgery that would lead to Mary’s death, eleven days after the birth of her daughter, who would go on to be as great a writer as her mother. Mary would die at the age of 38, never truly knowing the daughter who would follow in her mother’s path of literary skill.

Mary wrote eight books in total, one being published after her death. Mary was a woman of wit and fire, who as she learned, would become less and less apologetic about her opinions for women’s right to equal education, and how they should be taught to be independent and how a lack of education would lead to future generations not receiving the schooling they needed. She was a woman who would inspire future generations to fight for women’s equality and education. I studied Mary’s works through a class, “Women in Modern Europe” my sophomore year and after all we learned, I rather wish we got to see Mary Shelley grow up with her mother. I can only imagine the incredible things those two women would have accomplished together.

Links to Sources:

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/author/84

https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/wollstonecraft/#Bio

https://www.biography.com/scholar/mary-wollstonecraft

https://www.bbc.co.uk/teach/mary-wollstonecraft-britains-first-feminist/zkpk382

[admiralty-xfd]

Culmination

It’s my one year A03 anniversary and I’d love to share with you all my first fanfic, it’s very close to my heart and I hope you enjoy it. I’ll post one chapter here every day but I’ll link to the full story below if you ever want to jump ahead. :)

CHAPTER ONE

CREATION

(Pilot)

SCULLY

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The sun and the stars, the plant life, the animals, and eventually, one man and one woman. These two human beings were a new beginning, the start of something big, something important. The beginning of life in this universe… or at least, what we know of it.

This is what Dana Katherine Scully was taught as a child in Sunday school. Her father and mother were devoted Catholics and she knew no other truth. Although growing older has reduced the biblical lesson to allegory in her scientific mind, she still believes in her heart that this is the way all things begin: with intent, with purpose, with meaning.

She thinks of this story the day she meets Fox Mulder. As she opens the door to his basement office, there’s something in the air; an electricity, an excitement, a new beginning that seems fated. She doesn’t believe in destiny, necessarily, but if she did she’d feel it today.

She takes in her surroundings before she has a chance to take him in. The walls are absolutely covered with what must be Agent Mulder, as if his insides are on display, bared for the world to see if only anyone would notice. Newspaper clippings, crime scene photographs, crop circle diagrams, tiny scraps of a life obsessed litter the room. The central feature of his office is a poster of a UFO with the words “I Want to Believe” scrawled guilelessly across the bottom. She’s not the type to judge a book by its cover so she reproaches herself for sizing him up before she even lays eyes on him, but she feels like she can see pieces of him everywhere.

As he turns to greet her, she notes that he is a bit older than her, seasoned but still quite young. She immediately finds him attractive, and just as immediately relegates these thoughts to the back of her mind. Entertaining them would be a mistake. She’s here to work, to distinguish herself. She wants to build a reputation at the FBI, not be given one.

His face is boyish, as is his exuberance. When he speaks to her he looks her in the eye, which she respects. He has the fascination of a child discovering the wonders of the world around him.

She doesn’t know it yet but meeting him will change the course of her entire life.

The more she learns about him, the more she respects his views and the completely unique way in which he sees the world. She drinks it up, admires his devotion. He’s not like the other men she’s met at the Bureau, the ones who have something to prove and answer that call with relentless ambition, who treat her like something less, someone who doesn’t belong. Mulder is driven, passionate, but not in pursuit of a ladder; in pursuit of his own dreams and desires. He’s extraordinary.

Most importantly, he truly sees her.

There’s an undeniable spark they share, that she can sense whenever they’re in each other’s presence. He’s almost an entire foot taller than her, but when they speak they stand so close she has to physically crane her neck to look at him. She doesn’t understand why they do this, why they have this need to be so near each other, but it’s immediate and natural. It’s a magnetism she can’t deny.

When he’s with her he seems to lose his sense of personal boundaries. He stands too close, or gently touches her elbow. He holds doors for her and guides her by the small of her back. She doesn’t mind it, which is unusual for her. She rarely lets men get away with these things. But Mulder isn’t like other men; he does this absently, naturally, without purpose or agenda. She knows he doesn't mean it to be, but she suspects it’s more territorial than gentlemanly. And that’s fine with her, because she is his and he is hers in some unidentifiable way. Somehow, this is just how things are going to be.

As they move forward together in their partnership, they learn to know each other better. He challenges her in ways she never dreamed of. His theories and methods are unlike any she’s seen back at the academy, or anywhere else, for that matter. Every day is exciting, perplexing and remarkable, and the intellectual connection they share is unlike any other she’s ever experienced. She feels truly blessed to have met him. His presence in her life feels like an unexpected gift dropped directly into her lap.

Her friends in the Bureau think he’s a joke. “Spooky” Mulder. A loser. A wasted opportunity. An incredibly smart and talented agent squandering his life away on ridiculousness. But she knows the truth: when she is with him he cracks her world wide open. When they are together, she’s learning to believe. Whenever anyone condemns him, she defends him like a lioness defending her pride. She sees something in him no one else seems to see: limitless potential.

More than that, she likes him. He has become her friend. They have developed a genuine bond, and an affection for one another which she can’t quite yet identify but she can feel; more real and tangible than most of the monsters that elude them.

She often wonders if she’s helping or hindering him more. She feels that he trusts her, and that trust has been hard earned. But there are times when he will pull away from her, as if he’s gone somewhere in his mind she knows she cannot follow. Those are the times he can drive her absolutely crazy, and she can’t decide whether she wants to kill him or kiss him. She’s definitely thought about doing both.

It isn’t long before she regards him as the only person she can trust with her life. It will be much longer before she trusts him with her heart.

This is the start, the beginning. A new beginning for her, and what has now become the two of them. Everything always comes back to the two of them: seeking, finding, and seeking some more. They are so different, yet always share the same goal, like two roads meeting from opposite directions merging into each other, leading as one into oblivion.

MULDER

Trust no one.

Fox William Mulder knows this inherently before any of his informants ever warn him. He’s felt it most of his life, probably before any kid should. When his sister Samantha disappeared, he stopped trusting his parents. As he grew older and began his journey at the FBI, that distrust extended to the government. An organization he believed was dedicated to seeking the truth had revealed its own corruption over the years. Even personal relationships have been difficult; he's found it hard to get too close to anyone for too long.

His instincts tell him to distrust his new partner before he meets her. He’s well aware of the Bureau’s intentions regarding his work. Dr. Dana Scully’s presence in his office feels intrusive at first, unwelcome. He’s done his homework on her, and had believed he’d gotten a general idea of the person they’ve sent from upstairs to shut him down, reign him in.

But the person standing in front of him now doesn’t do his preconceived notions any justice. She’s tenacious, energized, engaged. She looks at him, really listens when he’s speaking. He likes that because he isn’t used to it.

She’s younger than he expected, and green, so green. He wants to use the word “adorable” but somehow he knows better. She’s smart as hell, probably smarter than he is, and probably too smart for her own good. Her brain is definitely going to get in the way of her gut, as well as his. This partnership is going to be tricky but he’s up for the challenge.

She wears a gold cross around her neck, which he finds fascinating considering she doesn’t seem to believe in anything outside the realm of science. He makes a mental note to ask her about it someday.

As they talk in his office, he can’t help but think of Diana Fowley. She and Scully are nothing alike, he can already tell, but the comparison enters his mind automatically. The similar minds he and Diana shared were helpful when he’d first discovered the X Files. She’d agreed with him on practically everything. It helped them find cases, but they’d had a tough time actually solving them. He knows now she wasn’t the right fit for him, in more ways than one. Yet another person he’d placed his trust in who had abused it.

He can’t help but find Scully attractive, but after what happened with Diana he resolves he will not let it interfere with their partnership. He feels a pang at this thought, because something in him is telling him this is different, this person could be the one, this person is safe to love. He already loves her but doesn’t want to admit it. He can’t. He can’t risk a similar outcome. Everything about Diana was a huge mistake.

Anyway, she’s well in his past. This new person Scully appears to be his future. Only time will tell exactly what kind of future that will turn out to be.

Her wide blue eyes capture his immediately, and through them he feels as if she might be knowable. He’s always dismissed the old adage about the eyes being the window to the soul until this very moment, looking into hers. There will be many moments in his future when he will get lost in them.

Other agents in the Bureau call each other by their first names, but he never calls her Dana. He doesn’t really know why, but he does know he doesn’t want her to call him Fox. Besides, he likes how “Scully” sounds. It’s endearing to him. He’s called her Scully so many times it feels strange now to call her anything else. And she calls him Mulder in response, like it’s their own private shorthand. They’ve accepted one another as equals without having to acknowledge it verbally.

He likes the way she says his name, too. She’s got about twelve versions. His favorites are “annoyed” and “exasperated.” She’s cute when she’s exasperated.

As they fall comfortably into their new partnership, he quickly discovers she’s a perfect counterpoint to everything he thinks and feels. They begin phone conversations like they’re already in the middle of one. He lobs a theory at her, and her backhand is immediate and usually accompanied by a raised skeptical eyebrow. Sometimes her skepticism can drive him absolutely crazy, but he’s completely charmed by her savvy. He knows she doesn’t believe in most of this stuff, but she listens and respects him, and sometimes he can tell he’s broken through. These are the moments he lives for. She hears him, which is something, really something.

Protecting her has become a priority in his life he hadn’t anticipated. Perhaps it’s displaced fear, or a remnant of the powerlessness he felt watching Samantha get torn away from him. But keeping Scully safe from harm feels like more than an obligation, it’s a primal need inside him. It feels like protecting her is protecting himself.

There are times when he feels as if his heart may burst from confusion and loneliness. In these moments he pulls away from her, keeps her at arm’s length. He knows it pisses her off but it’s self-preservation, he needs to do it. He wants to let her in, wants to badly, but he can’t. He wonders if he’s doomed to be lonely forever. Sometimes he doesn’t trust himself around her and he needs to wait to get that trust back.

Soon enough, he will give her his trust. It’s not something he can quantify or explain, but it’s deep in his gut, visceral, and if there’s one thing he’s always trusted it’s his instincts. He knows she’s in this with him, in a way no one really has been before. Somehow this person is going to be his partner, through and through, for the long haul. He can feel it.

He is careful with his heart, and always has been. But somehow deep down he knows one day she’ll find a way in. He wants to believe.

He’s completely unaware of how much he needs her. But she has arrived.

To continue reading click here. Otherwise, see you back here tomorrow!

[dw-writes]

Rococo Vampires

Hey, so I wanted to share some of my favorite scenes from the Rococo Vampire story I’m working on!! These are far from all of them, but some of the stand out ones :D So, I hope that you guys enjoy them! Let me know what you think~

***

Henri lowered himself into the seat across from you, turning the tea cup around in the saucer as he leaned back in the seat. You watched him as you sipped your drink, wondering if he would consume it or continue to play with it.

“We could have gone to the coffee house,” you said, “Or taken this out in the garden.”

“And squander the peace and quiet of this beautiful room?” he asked, sweeping his arm around him before settling it across the back of his chair. “Nonsense.” He lifted the cup and, at least, took a polite drink. “And, here, it’s much easier to listen to people eavesdropping.”

“Grand-pere?”

“Who else?” He crossed his legs at the knew and frowned. “The man would have my head on his desk if he could.” You frowned more, and watched Henri glance back at the open doors of the sitting room. “Is he here?” he asked.

“I believe so. I’ve yet to hear of him leaving the house without my mother in his sights.” You continued to drink. “He believes that if she’s left alone, she’s going to do something vile.”

“Odd that we’ve yet to see him.” He smiled, though, and relaxed in his seat. “At least it means he’s found something else to do than watch my every move.”

You shook your head as a small smile wormed across your face. “I don’t understand what you could have done to deserve such treatment,” you teased, “Perhaps it’s your dislike of the tea.”

He eyed you over the cup as he lifted it to his mouth and took a long and obnoxiously loud slurp. “Perhaps it’s the one startling difference between you and I?”

“Your prick?” you suggested. Henri snorted so hard that tea sloshed over the side of the cup. You couldn’t help the grin worming across your face. Your mirth melted into your words, “I suppose that is a difference that would grant the uninterrupted observance from the only male in my family.”

***

You stepped back against the painting. Its hinge protested. The man looked up, snarled, dark eyes fixing on you. You felt the air escape your lungs in a slow, cold burst. The painting pushed against your back and the man’s face shifted to look over your shoulder.

“Amélie?” You knew that voice. You whirled around and yanked on the painting frame. The man bolted, almost slipping in the puddle of blood that was left behind. Henri stepped over the threshold. “What happened, what—” His breath caught in his throat. He swallowed slowly.

“There was a man here, just now, he was—I don’t know what he was doing, he was biting her? Drinking from her? Or—or eating her?” You stumbled over your words as you struggled to pull him further into the room. He refused to budge. “Henri—”

“Stop.” His voice shook. It took you two glances to realize the warmth had faded from his face, leaving him ashen and pale. His eyes found yours – they didn’t want to, you hoped they didn’t want to – when he commanded, “Step back.” You did. You released his arm and took two slow steps backwards. Henri, on the other hand, moved forward. His eyes dropped from you to the woman on the lounge. He released the breath he had been holding ever so slowly. Reaching out, he dragged a finger through the pool that had formed in the hollow of her throat, followed what remained of her flawless jawline up until blood dripped from his fingertips and onto her pallid cheeks. The stiff cuff of his jacket was stained with the blood from her chest.

You finally look away when his fingers come up to his mouth.

“We should find a guard,” you whispered.

“Wait.”

“Why should I wait?!” Your voice echoed. Henri half turned to you, his hand once again extended towards the woman’s open throat. You took a step back. “Someone has died in my home and the murderer is free on the grounds and you are eating her blood?” Your voice climbed until it was a shrill, undiscernible mess.

“Because there are certain people to call.” There was a tremble to his voice. “Certain people take care of these things.” He audibly swallowed once again.

You shook your head. You tried to look at him again. Instead, he crossed the room to you and gripped your jaw with his one clean hand, tilting your head up until you stared him in the eye. “You will leave the room, lock the door, and return to the ball.” His voice was soft, but left no room for argument. No, that wasn’t it.

There wasn’t a choice.

His eyes studied your face as the fact sunk in. His cold fingers loosened around your chin. “I’ll tell you everything—”

“You have to.” Your eyes searched his. You refused to leave him with a choice, either.

Your heels alternated with the dripping blood to break the tense silence as you made your way to the door. You pulled the doors shut behind you and twisted the lock. Yet, you couldn’t find the strength to move. You squeezed your eyes shut as you struggled, whispered to legs to just walk, but all you could see was the ashen pallor to Henri’s face with his closeness, the darkness of blood on his lips when he spoke, and the sharpness of teeth that weren’t human just behind them. A soft snarl jolted you away from the door. It wasn’t towards you, not if what you were hearing was true. It was the same sound the pig made at dinner as it’s legs were being ripped off for those who had asked for them.

***

“Baron Nicolas,” your mother said slowly, purposefully, pronouncing every syllable so that you both may know exactly who you were in the presence of, “Has decided to extend to us his patronage.” She glanced around the two of you and heaved a sigh. “Just one moment, I must attend to something.”

“No, go right ahead.” The Baron smiled as your mother met his gaze. “I can get to know your daughters in the meantime.”

She curtsied and hurried off in a frenzy, meeting one of the few servants of your household in the hall before she disappeared from sight. You squeezed your sister’s hand before you both returned your gazes to the Baron.

He looked down at his well-manicured hands. “It’s…Miss Marie and Miss Amélie, correct?” he asked. He motioned between the both of you. Your grip on your sister grew. She nodded. He took a slow step towards you. His riding boots were quiet against the floor. He hadn’t planned to stay long. “You both have become rather popular as of late,” he mused.

“My sister has a knack for making friends in unlikely places,” you said. “Her sense of humor is second to none, and her wit is sharper than steel.”

“My sister talks circles around the smartest of men,” she countered. “She’s drawn quite the crowd to her as of late.”

“That is not the popularity that I meant.” The Baron started to circle you. He smoothed his hands over his coat and locked his hands behind his back. “Do you like my boots?” You both stared at him, watching as he slowed almost to a stop between you and the only way out of the parlor. He tilted a foot up and turned it one way, then another. “They’re leather. It’s a new leather, though, I hadn’t tried it before.”

“They’re exquisite,” you replied.

“They’re wolf.” His foot tapped the floor. Your sister’s hands grew clammy in your grasp. You gripped them tighter. “It was a large creature, taller than a young boy on all fours.” His mouth turned down in an exaggerated frown. “Much taller than any man when on its hind legs. And broad, oh was it broad.” He tilted his head and continued to circle the two of you. “I have its pelt in my study, spans almost the entire floor. Thought I would try to have its skin used as well and, well, what do you know.” You heard the buckles on his boots click as he snapped his heels together. “It made an excellent set of boots.”

The Baron came to stand in front of you both again. “I have its fangs, too. Massive things.” He sucked on his teeth and lifted a hand, staring at it as though examining the lines on his palm. “Bigger than my own hand. If he had caught me, he could have fit my whole head in his mouth, I’m sure.”

“Why are you telling us this?” you breathed.

He pinned you with his pale blue eyes. “Because you walk in this creature’s social circles.” He stepped closer, bent at the waist until he could stare both of you in the face and be merely inches away. “And you’re aware of it.”

[the-east-art]

Not a request but which Digimon season(s) do you like best?

Well let’s see. 

I’m a big old sucker for Digimon Adventure because it’s the classic with some of my all time favorite characters (always wanted to be a Tai but I’m a Joe tbh) with some really interesting concepts in it. 

Tamers is probably next - it’s a smaller cast but it lets it focus more of the individual characters and their complex relationships with a really intense and in my opinion satisfying finale. 

Frontier - though it’s been a while since I’ve watched - is cool mostly in how it decides to change up the routine by having two companion/guide Digimon and instead of everyone having a partner they *are* the Digimon. It gets put behind Tamers because of how it squanders it’s ensemble cast to give like two characters all the power in the last act (COME ON give my boy JP the spotlight he deserves)

02 isn’t bad it’s just not quite... good. I mean I actually really like many of the new characters and how it has the original digidestined doing things but I always wish that the original guys could be involved more (even though I understand why they can’t - its the new generations turn). It tries really hard but just can’t quite capture what it needs to make it work I feel like, and really it’s the plot and the writing that I end up struggling with. (and I am guilty of disliking epilogue, sorry)

I never finished xros wars - I had been watching it illegally on some shady website like  decade or whatever ago and since my sister didn’t want to watch it it took some of the fun out of it - but it didn’t seem bad. The thing they had going with the legendary digimon of whatever being protagonists from other seasons was neat. Uhhhh I never watched data squad. or whatever the others ones are - Hunters and Appmon I think? So all of these just aren’t really on my radar.

However - each season would be better is Joe was more involved. This is a blanket statement. Even for seasons where he doesn’t technically exist. 

[nefertittythegreat]

When We Once Were There

Years after their lives sent them apart Adrien and Marinette meet once again this time as the parents to two little girls.

AO3[x] 

Previous Chapter[x]

Chapter 2 

So you're just going to carpool with him now or something?” Alya asked on the phone that night after Marinette explained today’s situation to her. Alya had a big hearty laugh over the awkward but admittedly good reunion between Adrien and Marinette. Marinette was thoroughly embarrassed, but she couldn’t help but feel she and Adrien had started exactly where they had left off.

“I mean….Yeah…?” Marinette replied. It was a good idea and besides their daughters were friends now, something the very shy Emma had a hard time making. Marinette wasn’t about to squander this chance for her daughter to grow a little. “What he said made sense Alya, and I mean I’m sure it will be fine.” Adrien wasn’t a stranger, she had been telling herself that since she agreed to this thing. He had his own daughter and they were going to be working together from now, so yeah Marinette was sure she could trust him with her daughter. 

“I still can’t believe he’s here. Apparently, Nino just found out today, too. They’ve got a lunch date tomorrow,” Alya said explaining why Marinette hadn’t heard about his move back to Paris until today. “It’ll be good to be friends with him again. We were quite the squad back in our day.” Marinette could just hear Alya’s grin through the phone.  "Remember how we tricked my sister into letting us go one that double date?” Marinette rolled her eyes.

“That was a date for you and Nino. Adrien didn’t even show up.” She pointed out.

“But he still kept you company when on FaceTime while Nino and I were otherwise occupied.” Alya retorted. “He didn’t have to do that. He could have just let you awkwardly third-wheel.”

“Yeah, a lot of us hanging out with Adrien was just him on FaceTime,” Marinette remembered getting her hopes up every time the four of them would go out only for Adrien to not show up because his father wouldn’t let him out of the house. This happened countless times, but they never stopped inviting him over no matter how many times it failed.

“You know that wasn’t his fault…. but maybe this will be good for all of us. I miss those days in Lycée, you know? When we didn’t have a care in the world. Where your crush on Adrien was the biggest thing happening, and all of us in the class save for Chloe trying to push you two together. Which reminds me by the way, Please tell me you're not crushing on him again.”

Marinette thanked god that Alya wasn’t here to see the way her face turned red, “No, Alya. I’m 30 for god’s sake. Do you really think that I would have a crush on Adrien still?”

I know how much you loved him and how heartbroken you were when he went off to America with Kagami. Look girl I’m just warning you, With everything that’s going on his life right now. I think it’s best if you checked your feelings, I don’t want to see either of you get hurt. Adrien’s in a difficult place right.” Marinette sighed. Yes, she knew all of this but that didn’t mean that Alya’s words didn’t sting.

Even now she knew she had no chance with Adrien. She wasn’t going to keep trying for a guy who liked so obviously for years and never acknowledged her feelings. She wasn’t expecting anything from Adrien especially not now.

“Alya, I’m way over Adrien. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

There was silence before she responded. “Alright, girl. Just making sure. Get’s some sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Alya hadn’t even waited for a response before hanging up, but she never did. Marinette looked at the clock it was 9 o’clock. Emma was asleep in her room, and though it made Marinette feel like an old woman her bedtimes were now a very strict 9 o’clock. Which meant she was late. Putting her cell phone on the charger and turning off the light on her nightstand. Marinette pled the covers closer and drifted off into sleep.

It was nearly 6:30 when the doorbell rang at Adrien’s house. It definitely woke him up, but at least he remembered to put on a shirt before he opened the door which he was grateful for because it was a tired looking Marinette holding her sleeping daughter in her arms. He had almost forgotten about their little arrangement. She looked smart, work ready in her blouse and wide-legged trousers, Hair pulled to the side and make-up down lightly but well. Honestly how anyone could look that good in the morning was a mystery. Adrien always fumbled around in the morning and thank god he only had to wear suits to the office. Anything done with any amount of time and care would be a definite no go.

“I hope I didn’t wake you.” Marinette said adjusting the small girl of her hip. “I thought it would be best if I just let Emma sleep more and get ready over here. I hope you don’t mind. She can get dressed her self.”

“Yeah,” Adrien said accompanied by a yawn moving to let the woman in his foyer. “That’s perfectly fine. Miss Meimi, our maid usually helps Ayako get dressed. She can help Emma, too.”

“That’s great…” Marinette trailed off into an uncomfortable silence. This was a lot more awkward then she intended. Adrien’s house was much bigger than her little apartment, much nicer too.“Umm… Do you have a place she can lie down?”

Adrien’s hand slapped his forehead, “Yeah, sorry. Follow me.” He said shaking his head. Some host he was turning out to be. They came up to the guest room where Marinette was able to put Emma in the bed before saying goodbye. She then quietly exited the room.

“Thank you for this, Adrien. I don’t know what I would have done without your help.” Marinette thanked him as they walked back to the foyer.

“It’s no problem, plus I’m really doing this for Aya. She needs a friend right now after I uprooted her from everything she’s ever known.”

“She’ll be fine,” Marinette promised. “She’ll adapt. If she’s anything like you, I know she will. You just got to give her time.” At least someone thought he was doing something right, because after missing picking her up yesterday. Adrien was sure he was going down on worst dad of the year award.

“Hey, you’ve got some time right?” Adrien asked. “Do wanna stay for coffee? I’d feel bad if you went  to work without anything.” He offered, hoping she would take him up on it.  

“I would but I’ve got coffee in the car. I probably won’t see you at work considering we work in different areas, but I’ll see you later when you come to get Aya okay?” Marinette said no, but it wasn’t a complete rejection.

“Yeah great, See you later,” Adrien said stepping up behind her as she walked back out to her car. the clank of her heels on the pavement brought Adrien’s attention to the red heels peeking out from her otherwise black and white outfit. She did look far too good for this early in the morning, especially the way those pants hugged her hips-

Woah!

Adrien leaned back and quickly shut the door as Marinette got into her car. He checked her out, he couldn’t believe himself. He had checked out Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Adrien while he had to admit it had been a while. He hadn’t checked out a woman in years. Shaking his head, Adrien walked to the kitchen. No way he was going back to sleep now. He checked out another woman. Adrien’s hand began to fiddle with the ornate silver band on his left hand. Marinette was a friend. A friend who needed help with her daughter and here he was ogling her like a piece of meat. Starting the coffee maker. Adrien tried to distract himself from the disgust he was feeling. Marinette was attractive he had always thought that but he was mar- no, no he wasn’t. Not anymore. Even still he shouldn’t be thinking about his friend in such a way. He needed to get a grip.

As the coffee was finished, Meimi walked into the room carrying a load of laundry from the laundry room was startled by Adrien’s presence.

“Tsurugi-Sama! Ohayo Gozaimasu!” She started to bow, but Adrien put a hand up to stop her. He wasn’t going to let her bow when she had so much stuff in her hands.

“Good morning, Meimi, “ he replied in Japanese.

“If I may, Tsurugi-Sama. I noticed you're up earlier than usual.” She said. Adrien shrugged. He knew he usually kept late hours and was hard to wake in the morning.

“Yes, We have a guest this morning, Meimi. I’m sure you heard the door.” He said. “An old friend of mine’s daughter befriended, Aya-chan at school yesterday. I thought it would be a good idea if to help each other out since I can’t pick up Aya in the afternoon, and she couldn’t drop her own daughter, Emma off in the morning. I wanted to ask if you could help her get dressed just like you do with Aya.”

“Of course, Tsurugi-Sama. I’ll get started on breakfast at once, as well. Is there anything you would like, sir?”

“I’m fine with just my coffee for now, but please make something a little more…French this morning for our guest, Maybe some Crepes.”

“Of course, Tsurugi-Sama.” with a slight bow of her head, Meimi left the kitchen leaving Adrien alone with his thoughts once more.

By the time the girls got up, Adrien was already for work himself. Ayako awoke first, running into the guest room happen to find her friend there sleeping just like her father promised her last night. Emma’s cry from being awoken not only in a strange place but by Ayako jumping on her was the first major fire Adrien had to put out. He had to remind Aya sternly that jumping on sleeping people other then him was not something she should do. Ayako seemed to understand that well enough and apologized, but it seemed the damage was done, and Emma was as quiet and shy as she had been yesterday when they had first met. Aya didn’t even seem to notice the little girl’s reserved nature, or she didn’t care. Adrien wasn’t sure which, but she kept talking to the girl and showing her things all morning.

Getting dressed thankfully went without incident. The school they attended had a uniform, something that made Adrien a little wary, but Nathalie had promised it was the best school for her. Though luckily it seemed Emma was opening up by breakfast Impressed with the sweet crepes, Meimi had made for them and even struggled to thank the maid in her native language. Finally, 8 O'clock came which meant that it was time for them to leave and Adrien quickly gathered both girls and putting them in the girl Noticing on the way out Marinette was kind enough to leave Emma’s booster seat by the front door. He didn’t see her do that and smiled at the gesture. He would have to make sure he returned it to her.

In the car, Aya was explaining to Emma about how the schools in Japan had different uniforms, which Emma was having a hard time comprehending a uniform that wasn’t a button-up shirt and a plaid skirt. It seemed this morning's fiasco was all but forgotten as the two ran hand in hand into the school building Aya waving back at Adrien till they made it inside and little Emma thanking Adrien quietly for taking her to school. It was odd how shy Emma was in comparison to Aya, but Adrien distinctly remembered her mother being particularly shy in school too. Driving away from the school Adrien made it to the office in record time once again thanking it’s proximity to the school. One of the lucky things about today was no one knew he was the CFO yet. He could walk around the building without people starring or trying to talk to him. Here he was just another guy in a suit trying to clock-in before 9:30. Taking the elevator up to his office, and sending a thank you text to Nathalie for sending him everything he needed to know for the day, he stepped in his office only to find his father waiting for him.

“I see you’re here early, Adrien. Good morning.” His father greeted. Adrien fought the urge to groan.

“Good Morning, Father. I wasn’t aware we were meeting this morning?” Adrien raised an eyebrow walking to his desk placing his briefcase on top of it.

“We weren’t,” Gabriel says simply, hands behind his impossible straight back looking down at Adrien as he always did. “I heard from Nathalie about you running late to pick up Ayako from school. I’m assuming you have a better plan today than yesterday’s?” Adrien fought the urge to snap at his father as he took the laptop from his bag, and the papers Nathalie had sent him yesterday.

“Yes, I do. And she’s doing fine, Father, thank you for asking.” Since stepping in Paris, Gabriel Agreste hadn’t said one word about his granddaughter. Gabriel sighed pulling his glasses off his face to pinch his nose bridge.

“I understand that our relationship isn’t the best, but I was hoping we could put that behind us with this opportunity.” Adrien’s head snapped up at his father’s words as he felt his face heat up in anger.

“Opportunity! If I-“ But Adrien stopped his oncoming tirade as he noticed his father was looking at him oddly. “Is something wrong, Father?” Adrien sighed. There was no getting to the man. Adrien knew he shouldn’t waste his brief yelling at his especially at the office.

“Your suit…It’s Armani.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. A correct statement.

“….Yes?”

“That won’t do, not with the press conference you must be shown wearing something Gabriel, Adrien. We have a brand to uphold.” Adrien rolled his eyes. The last company he modeled for was Armani, that had been shortly before Ayako was born. They still sent him suits, and Adrien honestly preferred them to his father’s, not that he was going to say that.

Gabriel pulled out his phone quickly failing a number, “Yes Lydia, I’m sending someone down who needs a suit. Yes, I know I have Paulette working on something she can keep doing that, who else is free? Oh? That will do. I trust her work, between us this is our new CFO you ladies will be dressing. I expect him to look in top shape for the press conference.” Gabriel hung up and turned back to his son. I trust you remember where our retail department is located?” Gabriel asked with a raised eyebrow.

Adrien scoffed, “Father, you haven’t changed the outlay of this building since before I was in Lycée.” He couldn’t even believe his father would ask him. Though Adrien could understand why. He was sure his father thought he was stupid.

“Good, Go to the retail department. The receptionist, Lydia, will guide you from there, to get you a suit. “ Gabriel scoffed, “Armani, really Adrien? You have a lifetime supply of Gabriel suits and you wore Armani today of all days.” Adrien didn’t feel like arguing only following his father out of his office and walking down to the retail department to whoever was going to dress him because he apparently couldn’t dress himself.

One of the good things about living in Japan was that Adrien never had to worry about being Adrien Agreste, sure in Japan, he was Tsurugi Adrien of the famous Tsurugi family, but that still didn’t come with the weight the Agreste name came with. He had freedom in Japan that he never had in Paris or even America. Adrien wonders if he gave up that freedom by moving back.

No.

Adrien shakes his head as he makes it to the elevator. No, this move was for the best. He had to get away from Japan. That was why he moved back here. He couldn’t stand to be Japan, probably not ever again.

He made his way down to the retail department where he was greeted by a blonde woman about Nathalie’s age.

“Hello, Mr. Agreste called ahead for you.” She said with a smile as she stood from her desk and walked around to let him into the area behind her desk with a swipe of her keycard.  "It’s a privilege to dress you for the press conference, ah Mr…” She stopped unsure of what to call him. He must have been gone a while because he couldn’t remember the last time he walked through the hall of Gabriel and someone not know his name.

“Please call me Adrien, Lydia. Mr. Agreste is strict on formalities, I know, but I have no such reservations.” He said shooting her one his smiles that used to make the magazines. It seemed to work as the woman blushed slightly before turning away.

“Alright, Adrien then” He could live with that, after all, calling both of Adrien and his Father Mr. Agreste would be confusing, and butchering the pronunciation of the Tsurugi name wasn’t an option that Adrien particularly liked either. Yes, just Adrien will do.

“Ladies, I’ve brought our emergency appointment!” Lydia's voice sang out as she walked him into an array of what could only be described as a designer’s dreamland. It was surrounded by fabrics and shoes, and sketches, most of them done personally by his father. Someone had redesigned the place since he had last been in it, but it was definitely filled with much more life then it had been. He was impressed. Whoever's idea this clearly knew fashion and Gabriel.

“We here in the retail department want to personally welcome you, Gabriel!” A voice said sending Adrien’s attention away from the decor. In front of him was a line of women, and the one in the middle was about the same age as the receptionist Lydia was the one who was speaking, but the other one he had seen a few hours ago. So this was where Marinette worked. It made sense now, the decor, it looked a lot like her room back when they were in Lycée except without all the girlish pink, instead replaced with Gabriel’s signature white and light colors and a bit more mature.

It seemed Marinette noticed him too as he watched her face turn red, and heard her as she squeaked out, “Adrien!” It wasn’t loud, but its high pitch was enough to catch everyone else’s attention too, including the women in the middle clearly the head of this department.

She moved forward quickly, “Please forgive her, sir. Marinette has the hiccups apparently," the woman said, “I’m Paulette Bordeaux, the Head of the department, and this is my Assistant Deputy Head, Miss Marinette Dupain-Cheng.” Marinette stepped forward bowing her head a little trying to shield some of her red face.

“It’s a pleasure to help you out today, Mr. Agreste.” She said and Adrien could feel the room chill slightly. He turned to find Lydia looking at him with wide eyes and the other women and men who worked in this department too. Look how the name Agreste could change the mood so quickly.

“Please call me, Adrien. Mr. Agreste is literally my father, and I’ve never been fond of formality.” He said taking Marinette’s hand and shaking it. He must have imagined it, but he could have sworn that she glared at him though he can’t understand why. Adrien then went down the line shaking everyone’s hand and making sure to introduce himself personally and try to do his best to remember everyone’s name. He wouldn’t be in this department a lot but he needed to know his employees as many as he could.

“Well, Mr. Ag- Adrien” Paulette corrected herself. “Sadly I won’t be able to tend to you today, as I have a prior engagement, but Mr. Agreste has approved of Marinette helping find you a Gabriel grade A suit, and you have the help of the rest of my team. If you need anything please don’t ever hesitate to call on us here.” She said with a smile. Adrien nodded.

“Adrien, If you don’t mind following me to my office I’d like to take your measurements so that we can find you a suit.” She said turning beckoning two of the others to follow her as well. The four of them went down to hallway till they came to her office, which reminded Adrien even more of her bedroom back in Lycée then the rest of the area. Pinker, the room was defiantly designed by her.

“Harley, I need the tie swatch book, and Colleen please get me the shoe catalog,” Marinette asked the two other, who Adrien assumes are assistants.

“On it, Boss lady.” The young man dressed smartly though not in a full suit like Adrien books it out of the room, but the other Coleen hesitates.

“Are you sure ma’am?” She asks, looking a little disappointed. “I can measure him for you in your stead.” She says looking Adrien up and down in a fashion he has become accustomed to seeing from women. Though she’s probably the youngest. The girl in front of him couldn’t have been older than 20.

Marinette sighed and moved to shoo the girl away, “Yeah, I think I’m good Colleen though I will call you if Gabriel ever needs a sexual harassment charge.” Marinette pushes the girl completely out of the office and slams the door behind her. “I’m sorry about her, Colleen fresh out of University, and has recently discovered older men. Don’t worry she’s mostly harmless. I keep her on a tight leash.”

“Yeah, pretty swanky place you’ve got here Marinette, and two Assistants. You’re living the big life. “ Adrien said mostly in jest not expecting Marinette to turn to him with such speed or ferocity.

“Big Life?” She echoes with a snort. “This is coming from our brand new CFO. I think that would have been something you told me before today!” She practically screamed. Throwing her hands in the air.

Adrien raised one hand in the air as if asking permission to speak, “To be fair, I only just saw you yesterday.” He said dodging the slight swat Marinette sent his way. Marinette groaned as she moved to the desk and pulled out her tape measure.

“And FYI Mr. CFO, I have two assistants because I work in two departments, I have the higher ranking here, but Gabriel still wanted me in Design even though I moved up from there so Colleen is my assistant for Retail while Harley primarily handles Design.” She says walking over to him. “Now arms out.” She said taking the measuring tape to him.

“Hey, just because I'm the CFO doesn’t mean I’m some big shot. To be honest, this is sort of a downgrade. I was the president of the Tsurugi estate.” Adrien said helpfully but the glare Marinette gave him told him he wasn’t actually helping.

“Either way, Congratulations, Adrien. I know becoming CFO is a really big thing. You’re going to do great here.” Marinette said moving the tape measure to around his waist.

Adrien scratched the back of his head, “Thank you. It’s good to know someone is on my side.” Marinette stood up and smiled at him.

“Always.” She responded. "but since you’re here.” Marinette started, changing the subject. “How was Emma this morning? No trouble, I hope?” She asked. She had been a little worried after she dropped her off.

“Emma’s an angel.” Adrien said then rolled his eyes, “It’s Aya that’s a monster. I have to apologize though, Aya thought the best way to wake poor Emma was by jumping on her. She’s fine, but it was defiantly a shock. Took her a while to calm down. She was fine by breakfast though, but I have to thank Meimi’s delicious crepes for that.” Marinette laughed a little.

“Sounds like you had an eventful morning.” She said measuring his inseam. “Emma’s never really had the opportunity to hang around other children her own age. She’s always with me or other adults. She’s my little lady, but sometimes she’s too much of a lady. She’s a tiny little adult trapped in a five-year-old. I think having a real kid around her will do her some good.”

“Sounds like we have the opposite problem then, I’m always so scared of controlling her too much, that now she’s kind of wild.” Adrien replied, “Hey maybe if we’re lucky Emma will learn to be less shy from Aya. And Aya will learn to calm down from Emma?”

Marinette stood up raising an eyebrow at Adrien, “You really think it will be that easy?” She asks. Moving back to her desk.

“Nope, but we can hope it will be at least.” Adrien shrugged nonchalantly causing Marinette to laugh as the door opened.

“Marinette, I’ve brought the tie catalog and went ahead and brought out the list of suits we currently have here for you to look through,” Harley said handing her two binders. Not a moment later Collen walks through the door and hands her another binder.

“here’s the shoe binder ma’am. Also, your 2 O’clock called. They want to reschedule for another time. I told them you would get back to them on that.” Collen said as she fell into place next to Harley.

“Thank you both, you're practically mind readers. I don’t know what I would do without either of you.” Marinette thanked as she opened up one of the binders. “Harley, I’d like you to stay. I'd appreciate your opinion on some things, but Colleen can you make sure those I have the list of models for tomorrows shoot after I’m done here. I need to make sure they all fit the look that Mr. Agreste is hoping for.” Collen nodded and left the room sparing one final glance at Adrien accompanied by a longing sigh.

Marinette rolled her eyes, “If she wasn’t so good at her job I wouldn’t know what to do with her.” Marinette said as she looked over Adrien up and down a gaze, not unlike the one his father had just given.  “Nice suit, but I see the problem. Armani on your first day, Adrien? You could at least pretend.” She said with a slight laugh. “Let me guess your father saw and immediately sent you here?”

“Pretty much, though I have no clue what is wrong with the suit I’m wearing.” Adrien crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

“Honestly, nothing but you work for Gabriel now. During such events, it’s best to wear things that are the brand or at least something not so easy to determine what brand it is.” Marinette replied eyes now back on the binder, “The good news is that you’ve kept your model physique and finding you a suit that fits is going to be easy.”

“Kept it?”  Adrien did a double take, “What made you think I lost it?”

“Nothing, Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Marinette replied with a giggle under her breath. She wrote something down on a piece of paper and handed it to  Harley. Who nodded and immediately left the room.

“We have some dressing rooms in the back we use for models you can use those to change,” Marinette said walking out of the room. Adrien following her. “I have a few ideas, but I’m kind of bound by what I know your father wants you in. I want to put you in a nice colored suit, but this isn’t the occasion. Stripes won’t do either, though I want to play around we hardly have the time. A nice black suit will have to do for now. I guess I can play with the tie, but there was such a nice suit jacket with red its on it that I’m dying to put you in. Maybe if you ever attend a gala and I’m asked to dress you again…. Or that green velvet jacket on black. it would go so well with your eyes.” Marinette said though it seemed she was more rambling to herself than to Adrien at this point. It was nice to see Marinette in her element like this talking without an awkward pause or a stutter. He could only count a handful of times those have happened with him. She always was so shy around him. He guesses because of their not so stellar first meeting all those years ago, but now she was confident and in the zone. This time he would have to try harder to get this Marinette to come out.

When they made it to the dressing rooms Harley stepped out of one holding the door open for Adrien to go into it. “One of them was mislabeled but I found an alternative that I think you might like, Marinette.” He said. Then turned to Adrien “I placed all of them in here for you already sir, if you’re ready.”

“Thank you, Harley,” Adrien said stepping into the dressing room and closing the door behind him. Inside he found three suites, The first one was almost identical to the one he was wearing. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t just wear his Armani, but then again that was probably why he wasn't working on the fashion side of this business. He had a good eye, but not one like his father, or Marinette. Adrien quickly put that one on and stepped out for Marinette to see. Only to see both her and Harley frown.

“What’s wrong with this one?” He asked. It looked fine to him in the mirror. Marinette scrunched her nose.

“The suit is actually a midnight blue. It’s beautiful, but not for today. It also clashes with your undertones.” Marinette frowned.

“It could just be the lighting. It’s not like it’s the best, Ma’am." Harley added. Marinette hummed but didn’t reply.

“It’s a no from me. Adrien can you try on the next one, please.” Marinette asked. Adrien not really sure what else stepped back into the room and pulled out the next suit. this one had accents in different material and was defiantly more black then the other once he held the two together. Midnight blue… who would have thought? Adrien shrugged and began to put on the second suit. This one did look better than the previous one, but he thought the last one was fine till Marinette vetoed it. Once fully dressed Adrien stepped out and wasn’t meet with frowns like last time, but no smiles either.

“Harley?” Marinette called on her assistant for his advice.

“It’s good, the black accents add flair without being too red-carpet-ish, pair with a nice tie and I think we have a winner, boss,” Harley said. Adrien sighed at least this one had a positive reaction.

“Yeah, I agree with you, Harley” Marinette mused still not smiling, but not displeased.  "I think we’re good Adrien. You don’t have to change into the last one.” She said and Adrien sighed with relief. “Hey, Mr. Model, trying on clothes isn’t that bad. I’ve seen you in complete fashion shows. Three suits are nothing compared to that.” She said slightly offended that he was sighing after only trying on two things.

“You’re right, but I haven’t modeled in years, Marinette. I don’t even think I have the patience for it anymore.” Adrien responded.

“Whatever, Come one let’s find you a tie so you can get out of here.” She said beckoning him to follow her to so ties that Harley had grabbed.

It took Marinette two minutes to decide on a green tie that she tied for Adrien herself. The others were a black one and a patterned one that Adrien was honestly feeling, but Marinette was in charge right now. He was almost scared to go against her supreme fashion knowledge.

“Alright, we are good to go. And next time we have a big day like this please text me a picture of your outfit so we don’t have to rummage through the clothes that are supposed to be for our photo-shoots.”

“Aye Aye, Captain. “ Adrien saluted causing Marinette to groan and roll her eyes.

“Now get out of here. Don't you have a press conference to get to?” She said, hands on her hips.

"Thanks for this, Marinette. I’m sure my father appreciates it.” Adrien said with a smile as he began to head out but stopped short of the door. “That reminds me. Nino and I are having lunch together today. You wanna come? It’d be great for the three of us to get together?” He asked. Hoping she would say yes. It seemed they were finally getting back into the groove of things.  

Marinette felt her face heat up for the first time since Adrien had come to her. He had just asked her to lunch with Nino, a part of her wanted to squeal the part that was still mentally fourteen, thirty-year-old part of Marinette’s brain luckily spoke instead.

“Ummm… Yeah, I wish I could, but I kinda, Uh have to work through lunch today.” She said awkwardly laughing at the end.

Adrien frowned. Strike Two. “Well another time then, I guess. thanks again for this Marinette, and I’ll see you later.” With a final wave, Adrien left the retail department and Marinette sunk to the floor.

“You wanna tell me what that was about, Boss Lady?” Harley asked holding out a hand to help Marinette off the floor. “You two looked real chummy….”

“I’ll say!” Colleen's voice came from behind one of the racks of shoes, where she had probably been hiding this whole time. “You’ve been holding out on us Marinette,” she said stepping into view.

Marinette sighed. Honestly, that was the friendliest they had been since before Kagami came to their school. After that Marinette never had the confidence to make their relationship move past that, and it eventually just fizzled out into the worlds longest unrequited crush.

“There’s nothing really to tell. We were friends, I guess, back in Lycée, but he moved to America to go to University. Then got married shortly after that. We didn’t really keep in contact and now he’s back and we work in the same building. That’s all.”

Colleen frowned, “Agh, so he’s married?!” she whined. Harley slapped her in the back of her head.

"You idiot! You must have heard about what happened it was in the news. Thank god you didn’t say anything insensitive while he was here.”

“News, what news? “ Colleen looked confused. “I’m not from here remember, so you’re going to have to just tell me!” She said, practically growling at Harley.

“It’s not a secret, Colleen, but please try not to talk about this with others,” Marinette said taking a deep breath. “About two years ago, His wife, Kagami died in a car accident. Adrien was pretty devastated, but I’m not surprised he and Kagami had been together since Lycée. She was a good person, a good wife to Adrien, and a mother. It was all very tragic.” Colleen gasped.

“That’s horrible.”

“If they’ve been together since Lycée then you knew her too, right Marinette?” Harley asked.

“Yeah, we were acquainted, but not really friends. Honestly, I don’t think she liked me very much.” Marinette laughed a little. “But I always admired her though. It’s hard to believe a person strong like her is gone. I can’t even imagine what Adrien is going through.”

“Yeah, that’s so sad…” Colleen said. “Well, you have to be a good friend to him, Marinette. I’m sure he needs them.” Marinette nodded. Adrien... Marinette couldn’t think of a moment in his life when he didn’t need a good friend.