#see that’s my problem I’m wishing for someone else’s life instead of the one I hold rn today as I breathe

[bunieboo]

the way my goal is just to keep growing and changing from the person I was yesterday but like why can’t my goal ever be a job or a career

[cetoddle-archive]

i think probably i come on here to lament and vent so much and so deeply because even when i try to explain how i feel to my therapist or psychiatrist they don’t even listen they just brush me off completely and basically tell me i need to just stop being miserable. like their solutions are to keep pushing useless medications on me and tell me to just be happier through sheer willpower or something honestly i don’t even know what they want me to do anymore

[tryslora]

Disability in fiction

This was a tough post to write. 

I saw a post about disability rep, and I kept thinking about it, and wanted to share my own takes on the topic. 

I thought about it for days, trying to figure out how to word it. Then after drafting it, I stuck it in a file for a couple of weeks, trying to decide if I could even post it. This is not a topic that can be boiled down to a simple yes/no kind of answer.

Let’s start with two examples.

1 - I have a short story I started writing (it wants to grow up to be longer, so it’s waiting for time) where my original concept was to write about an older woman who is short and has major chronic pain, and I wanted to dig into fantasy reasons why this pain exists, but at the same time, have her be able to kick ass despite being exhausted and dealing with excruciatingly painful issues.

2 - I once drafted a portal fantasy storyline wherein a young man was transported into a fantasy world, and when he was given a horse to ride, he approached it very warily. He was encouraged to mount, did so, and sat there and exclaimed in shock, “My brain isn’t exploding with snot!” because his allergies hadn’t come with him into the body he had in the fantasy world.

Both stories were designed to be fun, a bit light, maybe even cozy.

So.

In one case, the disabled character remains disabled and kicks ass anyway. And in the other case, the character is magically “healed” and no longer has debilitating allergies that had wrecked his way of life.

This is the difficult part to express: I think both storylines are valid.

Bear with me while I dig into this.

First and foremost: I completely agree that we need more representation in all forms of fiction, especially when it comes to disabled people being able to live their lives. Characters with missing limbs, or non-neurotypical brains, or anxiety & depression, or hearing issues, or sight problems, or chronic pain, or… or… you get the idea. We need all of it, and we need it to not need to be magically healed in order for a story to be considered happy and cozy. Disabled people can be happy, too.

I’m all in for this, and I wouldn’t write the stories I do if I weren’t.

However, there are also moments where I am so exhausted by my body and by everything I deal with inside of it where I do wish for that magical ability to forget that my pain exists. Or for the ability to actually process information in a straight line, or make decisions without writing a hundred lists and accomplishing nothing from them. Or to be able to lie down in a field of grass without regretting it for days while I drip snot and fight sinus-pain-induced migraines.

Sometimes I want to imagine that my life is different.

And that is one of the joys of writing. I can choose to write a story where people like me or the people I know are the heroes/heroines exactly as they are, different abilities and all. Or I can choose to write a story where the problems magically resolve.

Both can be cozy, sweet, and adorable. I can give the character with chronic pain the ability to kick ass, take names, and have a sweet reunion with her ex-girlfriend. I can show all the ways that my disabilities may define how I handle my life differently than someone else, but do not define what I can and cannot do.

But I can also daydream about a life where it’s different, the same way I can daydream about having wings, or being able to teleport. For me, imagining a day with no pain is the same as a day where I can walk through walls. It is absolutely a fantasy, and about as likely to happen.

Here’s the thing: It’s okay to be angry to see what looks like disability being erased. It’s okay to wonder why the author did that, why they magically healed someone instead of letting them be who they were. But at the same time, maybe ask why, and what point of view it’s coming from. Or look a little deeper into the story and how the resolution occurs, and the effect it does have on the character (I suspect that were I to suddenly have a day of no pain, I’d be intensely reckless, given what an idiot I am while IN pain, y’know? And WOW would I regret that later…).

And for authors, think about what you’re writing. WHY is this particular event (keeping disability, erasing it, whichever or both) happening, because the reader will take note of it. They may see things that weren’t intended, but are there as unintentional biases.

Make conscious decisions for why things happen.

Someday I want to get back to both of those examples from the start of this post; I still like both concepts. But I’ll be writing them for very different reasons, and both will be healing my soul in different ways. Different kinds of daydreams. And again, I think that’s valid, too.

[mrsbuckybarnes1917]

9: NEW DAWN

Previous chapter < MASTERLIST > Next chapter

You and Bucky deal with the fallout of the undercover mission.

Word count 3.3k

Warnings: reader coming to terms with Bucky's decision, trying to move forwards, betrayal, more miscommunication, anger, Bucky Barnes acting like a giant tool, Daisy Johnson and Melinda May make an appearance

The next morning you woke early, determined to carry out your plan. Slipping out of the compound, you drove out of the parking garage in one of the convertibles with the top down and wind blowing through your hair. It was freezing cold and you knew it was reckless because it looked like the heavens would open at any minute, but you didn’t care. You arrived at Coulson Academy just as several large raindrops started to fall, and you sniffed slightly from the cold air. Putting the top up, you got out of the car and ran for shelter under the large awning of the Academy entrance.

"Ugh!" You stopped to flick off the water from your jacket.

"Subtle entrance." Melinda May’s voice startled you.

You jumped out of your skin. "Jeez, May! Why do you always have to lurk around?"

"Wasn’t lurking. Just waiting for you."

"How did you know I was coming?"

"I heard about what happened."

"Steve?" you asked.

"Romanoff."

Of course it had been Nat. She knew everything that happened, she knew exactly what you would do. Maybe you ought to have talked to her before leaving.

"Why didn’t you stop me?" you asked.

"Because I knew you needed to make this decision on your own," May replied calmly. "And I knew you would come here eventually."

You sighed, feeling a mix of relief and anxiety. "I don’t know if I’m making the right choice."

May placed a hand on your shoulder. "There is no right choice here. You need to take care of yourself for once, instead of putting everyone else’s needs before yours. Teaching at the Academy is something you would be good at. You have so much to offer, and… I believe in you."

You looked up at her, grateful for her support. She wasn’t one for heart to heart conversations, preferring to ignore her emotions altogether. "Thank you, May. I just wish it didn’t have to end this way with Bucky."

May gave you a knowing look, she knew exactly how you felt without you having to explain it to her. "Sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to. But that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. You have a bright future ahead of you, and I'll be there to help you every step of the way."

"Can I stay with you for a while?"

May rolled her eyes, "fine."

You wrapped your arms around her in a quick hug. "You’re the best. I love you."

*

Natasha was waiting for you when you returned, lounging across the hood of one of the Porches, filing her nails.

"Tony won’t be best pleased if he sees you like that."

"I’m not too worried about Tony. I have more important things on my mind."

"Yeah?" you asked, knowing full well where the conversation was going.

"What happened last night?"

"Didn’t Steve tell you?"

"Rogers?" she scoffed. "He has no idea what he’s talking about half the time."

You looked around for signs of anyone nearby. The risk of having someone overhear your conversation was making you feel very uncomfortable. Natasha pulled you into a secluded corner with a view of the rest of the garage and gave you a very pointed look requesting that you spilled the beans. But somehow the words you wanted to choose made the problem seem trivial. So instead of telling her about all the events that had transpired, you kept it simple.

"He chose her. Apparently there isn't enough room in his life for both of us," you shrugged.

"Steve told me what she did." Your gaze snapped to Nat’s face, but her returning expression was angry. "I don’t understand why you didn’t tell him."

"It’s my word against hers, Nat. I have no proof that she took my idea. What am I supposed to say? His reaction last night proves that he doesn’t trust me." You sighed dismally.

"Do you need me to beat some sense into him?"

You smiled sadly at your friend.

"Sweetie, you need to tell him how you feel," she continued.

"I think it’s too late for that. I’ve made my decision."

"I can’t do anything to change your mind?"

"Please Nat," you pleaded. "This is hard enough."

She put her arms around your neck, leaning her forehead against yours. "But I’ll miss you."

"I’ll miss you too." You wrapped your arms around her waist, pulling her into a tight hug, trying not to let the tears start falling again. Eventually you pulled away, steeling yourself for the next step; telling Steve and Tony about your resignation.

*

As you made your way back into the compound, you caught sight of your best friend in the gym. He was pummeling a punching bag like he wanted to murder it.

You gathered every ounce of courage within you and approached Bucky, desperate to reconcile and recapture the bond you once shared. But as you reached out to touch his arm, he recoiled, his eyes blazing with a mixture of anger and hurt.

"Bucky, please. I’m sorry. I never meant to make you feel that way-"

"I thought I knew you, but I feel like I don’t know you anymore," he said, his voice laced with sorrow. "I know how you feel about Priya-"

"Buck-"

"I can see it in your face. But I never thought you could be so spiteful."

Your heart, already shattered, fractured further still, and the tears you had held back cascaded down your cheeks. Your friendship, once unbreakable, seemed irretrievable. Bucky turned his back on you, leaving you broken, lost in a sea of regret and longing.

*

After drying your tears, you found Tony and Steve in the common area, deep in conversation. Taking a breath, you approached them, your voice steady but filled with emotion. "Tony, Steve, I need to talk to you both."

Tony looked up, concern etched on his face. "What's wrong, Cricket?"

You hesitated for a moment before speaking. "I... I need to resign from the Avengers."

Tony's eyes widened in surprise. "What? Why?"

You took a moment to gather your thoughts before explaining. "I could make up some logistical excuse but you'll both know it's a lie. It's... it's because of Bucky. I can't continue to work alongside him knowing how I feel and knowing that he's with someone else. It's too painful for me."

Tony and Steve exchanged a knowing look before Steve spoke up. "We understand Cricket. We've seen how hard this has been for you. But are you sure this is what you want?"

You nodded, tears threatening to spill over. "I can't stay here and pretend everything is okay when it's not. I need to take a step back and figure things out."

Steve placed a comforting hand on your shoulder but he looked like he was at a loss for words. So he took the professional route of comfort. "You're a valuable member of the team."

"Stay, we can find you another partner." Tony stood up, coming over to you. "I can’t just let you go without a fight."

You smiled weakly, grateful for their understanding. "Thank you, Steve. And thank you, Tony. But I just need some time to myself."

As you turned to leave, Tony called out to you. "Hey Sport, if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to reach out. We're here for you."

You nodded, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. It was time to focus on yourself and your own happiness, even if it meant leaving behind the life you had known as an Avenger. And maybe, just maybe, you would find a way to move on from Bucky and find your own path to happiness.

You'd barely taken three steps out of the common room before Steve caught up with you. "Have you spoken to him?"

"If you call ‘him telling me he doesn't even know who I am and then storming off’ speaking, then yes. I don't understand how this happened, Steve. I thought nothing could get between us."

"He loves you." Steve stopped in front of you. 

"Not anymore. He hates me."

Steve couldn't help but feel frustrated by how his two best friends could be so oblivious. 

"Look Steve, I'm sorry, I know Bucky’s your best friend. You don't need to hear me bad mouthing him." You stepped around him, making your way back to your room.

"Cricket, you're my friend too." Steve chased after you.

"Then will you help me pack?"

Steve sighed, he would never refuse anyone’s request for help. "Of course."

*

It hadn’t taken you long to pack your things into boxes. Your clothes weren’t difficult to shove into suitcases. Your wardrobe wasn’t extensive, having learned to live out of small spaces for many years, material things weren’t quite on your list of necessities. You had let Tony decorate your walls to his taste and you’d been pleasantly surprised at how good he was at guessing your tastes. However, you’d decided not to take these things with you when you left. It was time for you to make your own home. It was going to be a new challenge, you’d been involved with large institutions ever since you’d left home, and had never had to create a home for yourself before.

You turned to face Steve, Sam, and Nat, who were all standing in your room, looking at you with concern in their eyes.

"Come on, sugar cakes. Isn’t there any way we can convince you to stay?" Sam asked.

"I appreciate the sentiment, guys, but I need to do this," you said, zipping up your suitcase.

"Cricket, you’re too valuable a member of the team," Steve said, stepping forward.

"You know that’s just not true, but thank you for saying that. But I just can’t stay here knowing that Bucky’s mad at me," you replied, feeling a sting in your chest at the thought of leaving your best friend behind.

"Bucky will come around, he always does," Sam chimed in, trying to reassure you.

"I don’t think so, not this time. He’s really upset with me," you said, feeling tears welling up in your eyes.

Nat walked over to you and put a comforting hand on your shoulder. "Cricket, you can’t just leave because of this. You’re stronger than that."

You shook your head, wiping away a tear. "I can’t stay here, Nat. It’s too painful."

"We understand, but we don’t want you to go," Steve said, his voice filled with emotion.

"I know, but I have to do this. Please, don’t tell Bucky I’m leaving. I need to do this on my own terms," you pleaded, wondering if Bucky would even notice your absence.

The three of them exchanged a look before nodding in agreement. "Okay, we won’t tell him. But promise us you’ll keep in touch," Sam said.

You nodded, feeling grateful for their understanding. "I promise. Thank you, guys. I’ll miss you all."

You were the last to leave your room, the others had carried your things to the van you were borrowing from the garage. You sighed, you would miss the luxury and convenience that came with being a member of the Avengers Initiative. There were only a few things left in your room; the wolf plushie Steve had won you at Coney Island, you later realized that it reminded you of Bucky, and the still wrapped gift you had bought for Bucky, the card you’d written him still stuck to the top. There was no reason to take those things with you, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to throw them away. You decided to leave them on your bed. The next owner of the room could decide what to do with them.

On your way out, you ambled past the hangar bay, spotting Bucky in full tactical gear prepping for a mission. You had no idea that he had been assigned to something. 

"You have a mission?" you blurted out, causing Bucky to turn to you.

"Yes." His voice was monosyllabic.

"Alone?"

"No."

"No, with me." Sharon materialized suddenly.

"Oh, hey Sharon. I hope you guys are safe out there."

Bucky looked back at you, a fleeting look of regret crossed his face, before he turned and walked away. He didn’t waste any time requesting a new partner, you thought. Just when you thought he couldn’t hurt you anymore. At least he would be safe with her; Sharon was a good agent, she would watch his back, that’s what mattered the most.

As you walked out of the compound, you felt a mix of sadness and relief. It was time to start a new chapter in your life, even if it meant leaving behind the Avengers and the man you loved. You knew it wouldn’t be easy, but you were determined to make it work. And maybe, just maybe, one day Bucky would understand why you had to go.

*

Your friend, Daisy Johnson stopped by for a visit just after you had moved into your new apartment. You hadn’t seen her for a few years, since she had decided to travel the stars with her sister, Kora and now boyfriend, Daniel Sousa. She had insisted on coming over to your place, since May had insisted that you find your independence.

"So tell me, what’s the deal with your love life?" Daisy enquired after her third glass of wine.

"What love life?" you asked, sarcastically.

She laughed, "oh come on! You’ve been living in a building with all those Avengers! You can’t tell me that it’s all completely innocent!"

"Hey, just because you fell in love with your first S.O.!"

"Ouch! That’s a low blow! It’s not my fault Ward turned out to be a HYDRA psychopath!"

"No, he was out of this world."

"Literally!"

Both of you laughed, despite the pain that was associated with the memories of the parasitic inhuman who had infested and possessed the corpse of your dead traitorous colleague and used his body to control other inhumans. Sometimes there was nothing else to do but laugh.

"So, are you telling me that you haven’t gotten any sex since you moved in there?"

You shrugged.

"Not even Bucky Barnes? Like have you seen him?" Daisy had always expressed her attraction to your favorite super soldier, but she stopped as she noticed the change in your expression. "What is it? Did something happen with him?"

"No," you shook your head.

"Then why did you leave?"

You shrugged.

"Come on, spill. May wouldn’t tell me. But it’s got something to do with him, right?" Daisy scrutinized your face, coming to sit beside you. "Did he hurt yo-?"

"NO!" you responded before she had the chance to finish. "Not like that."

"But he did something."

"Bucky’s my best friend." You said, not being able to muster enough enthusiasm into your words for them to be believable.

"But?"

"We just clicked, you know? Right from the start. It was like we were made to be partners. We could share everything with each other, we knew what the other person was going to do in the field without even discussing it. But outside of that too, I felt like I could share anything with him. I even told him about…"

You didn’t have to explain yourself further, Daisy Johnson was the only other living person in the world who knew about the sexual abuse you had suffered as a teen. You had never told a soul when you had been an adolescent, fearing that you wouldn’t be believed, which had led to a lifetime of shame and a stigma of being seen as broken. But secrets often come out, whether you want them to or not. And during a mission, the man who had been responsible for your trauma was involved. Eventually your secrets had surfaced, no matter how deep you buried them, but Daisy had been there for you.

"But I thought there might be something more between us, something… as hard as I tried… I couldn't deny - I was… am in love with him."

"You are?"

"I never told him how I felt. I was afraid of ruining our friendship. But it feels like fate had other plans and he started dating Priya. I was happy for him, of course, but deep down, I couldn't help but feel … jealous.

"And as his relationship with Priya went on, I just found myself feeling more and more envious. I couldn't stand the thought of someone else being with him, especially when I knew how I felt. But I kept my feelings to myself, not wanting to cause any trouble." You sighed.

"What changed? What made you leave?"

"Bucky's birthday. I spent weeks planning the perfect gift for him, something that would show him how much he meant to me. But before I could give it to him, Priya just swooped in and stole my idea, presenting it to Bucky as if she had come up with it on her own.

"Bucky was thrilled with the gift, but when he turned to me expecting something from me, I- I didn’t know what to do. I couldn't bring myself to tell him that Priya had taken my idea, so I stayed silent. Daisy, he was so angry and hurt, thinking that I didn't care enough about him to get him a gift.

"In the end, he chose Priya over me, believing that she cared for him more. He said he loved her based on something I came up with! And I tried to apologize and explain, but he didn't … doesn’t want to hear it. He said felt like he never knew me, like our friendship had been a lie. Now he doesn’t even want me in his life!"

Daisy put her arms around your neck, pulling your head onto her shoulder. The wine had loosened your tongue and talking through what had happened was helping you to truly understand what had happened.

"I can’t believe this bitch!" Daisy muttered in your ear. "Want me to quake her for you?"

You let out a watery chuckle. "I just feel so alone. I know that it’s my own doing, I could have told him how I felt. I could hardly blame her at first, she had no idea. But now…I fucking hate Priya for coming between us, for stealing my chance at happiness with Bucky." You scoffed at your own words. "You know, deep down, I knew that it was my own fear and jealousy that had drove us apart in the first place. I let my feelings get in the way of our friendship, and now I’ve lost the one person who means the world to me." Talking to Daisy had given you time to take stock and really process what you had lost.

"So what’re you going to do now?" Daisy asked.

"What am I supposed to do, Daisy?"

"Let him cool off and try again!"

"And say what exactly? Take me back as your friend? I’m in love with you? He clearly doesn’t feel the same way, so what am I achieving other than getting hurt watching him being happy with someone else?"

"You could come with me, Kora and Daniel. We’re heading back off-world next week."

"And watch you and Daniel making those lovey-dovey faces at each other all day? Thanks, but I think I’ll pass."

"So you’re just going to teach? With May?"

"Yeah," you shrugged. "Teach and wallow about my sad, loveless life."

"You know I love you, right?" Daisy pouted at you.

You laughed, "yeah, I love you too."

Once Daisy left, you continued to think about Bucky. You missed the easy camaraderie you once shared with him, the way you could finish each other’s sentences and laugh until your sides hurt. But now, there was a distance between you that seemed insurmountable. Bucky had made his choice and you were left to pick up the shattered pieces of your friendship. You wondered if he ever truly understood how much you cared for him, how much he meant to you.

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[wosoamazing]

Too Late To Be Fair

Warnings: death (caused by drunk driver), mentions of emotional abuse (R as a child), mentions of drinking and drunks, implications of self doubt and associated things, wishing someone would die. Please let me know if anything else.

Note: Grace is a fake player, due to previous ideas and maybe future ideas I had to make a player up... she does some things none of the girls would ever do....

A/N: Story inspired by Pray (Jessie Murph) & Mansion (NF) - and other things but I listened to these songs and I was like ooo good story idea. There probs will be a part 2. I hope you like it - also I know I said one of the McFoord fics would be out next but um yeah...

“Y/N We’re sorry to inform you but your Dad was in a car accident he was hit by a drunk driver” you couldn’t help but laugh at the irony, you dad the drunk being hit by a drunk driver. Everyone looked at you in disbelief.

“Y/N that’s not very appropriate,” Grace said, before others death stared her, clearly not knowing your situation, of course you were going to blow, especially at her, the thing you had wished for, for so long, finally happened, yet just after you cut him off, so it didn’t matter, it didn’t mean you could have an easier childhood, it was just another way of the universe punishing you. Waiting until you had moved out, cut your ties and in the spotlight, to finally kill him. Almost exactly a year since you cut him off, won the trial, got the restraining order, the one which he protested, causing the gruelling 3 day trial, to decide whether it was needed or not.

“Oh, sorry we don’t all have perfect little lives with perfect Mummies and Daddies, some of us actually had a shit childhood, faced real world problems, no rich bitch problems, oh Mummy and Daddy told me to pick up some rubbish, oh my life is shit they abuse me” you were dragged out of the locker room and into an empty physio room by Leah, Beth, Katie, Caitlin, and Steph who all sent you a glare when the door had shut, “Oh like she didn’t deserve it,” they all couldn’t but help let out a smile. There was an awkwardness in the room, as the girls all looked between each other not knowing how to approach this.

“You guys can all go, I’ve got this, thank you though,” Leah spoke, breaking the silence, everyone left except Beth, but Leah didn’t mind. You and Beth had a very close relationship, you had been close friends since your grassroots team, Beth helped you through the year of your life you realised you were gay, and then when you crushed on your now girlfriend, your then national Captain. Beth felt bad the year you told her about your Dad, she knew something was off but you never told anyone, barely anyone stills knows the full story, but that day Beth and you promised that you would be there for each other forever, and that was true, she had been there during your trial and so much more, and you were there for her when Dan broke up with her, Beth was really your rock and you were hers. Beth moved to sit in the chair on the opposite side of the room, giving you both space, whilst also being there in case you needed it. 

“Are you okay?” Leah couldn't find the right words, but she knew deep down the wrong words were what you needed her to say, you weren’t going to break, and release it all otherwise.

“Of course I’m not fucking okay Leah,” you looked up at her, she hadn’t even flinch at your words, instead she pulled you in for a hug. Which caused hot angry tears to fall from your eyes “Why now, why couldn’t it have been a year ago, 3 years, hell any time after I was 12. It’s unfair, its fucking unfair,” you paused, and Leah slowly slid her back down against the wall, bringing you down with her, your legs either side of hers as you sat in her lap. Your eyes connected with her soft kind caring blue eyes, and you could see how her lips formed a soft kind reassuring smile. You broke, big fat tears streamed down your face, as you sobbed, Leah gently pulled your body forward, so you were no longer sitting up, but leaning on her, she placed your head into the crock of her neck, before moving her arm to wrap around you lower body, her other hand was placed on your back, her thumb moving up and down, as she whispered reassuring words in your ear. 

“W-why now, when I’ve already lived the hard life, when I’ve been through all that shit. When I’m already screwed up, when I already have trust issues, when I already doubt myself everyday, so much so that I do it unconsciously” you sobbed into her neck.

“I know baby, it's not fair, and it's not right. But I’m here now, and I’ve got you.”

“I-I I used to wish he would die, I used to imagine cops showing up at the door when it was later than he used to come home, them telling me and me not being upset. I used to hope he just wouldn't come back from work trips. I used to imagine people asking me why I wasn’t upset when he died. I used to think of the fact that he was an alcoholic so he wouldn't get a kidney or liver transplant, unless it was a directed donation. I had to say yes, how could I say no if I was a match, but how could I say yes. You know how fucked up you feel when you think that stuff, you know how messed up I thought I was, but that was all his doing. It's just unfair.”

___

You had calmed back down and decided to go see all the girls again, the only problem was that no one had realised what song was playing in the locker room, too deep in conversation to be aware of it.

Waking up but wishing that you don’t. It’s something that I pray you’ll never know.

A song that connected with you so deeply sent you back over the edge, and you quickly spun on your feet and speed walked away, Beth followed behind you.

“What the actual fuck were you thinking McCabe” you girlfriend yelled.

“Wha?” the room had gone quiet and attention was drawn to the music, “Oh fuck, shit, sorry, we werent listening to it, its just automatically come on. I promise, I wasn't trying to be funny, I wouldn't do anything like that to Y/N”

Leah just turned around packing your bag and hers, “Tell Jonas we’re going home.”

“Sorry” Katie yelled as Leah went down the hall.

Leah found you sitting in the middle of one of the side hallways. Beth’s arms were wrapped around you and your body was shaking.

“Come on baby, let's go home.” She said as she placed a hand on your back, Beth slowly released her arms around you, which Leah quickly replaced with hers.

_____

“What’s on your mind? I know it's something more than your Dad” your girlfriend said as she sat down on the bed next to you, legs crossed and leaning back against the headboard. You had just arrived home.

“It's stupid.” you sighed, looking away from her eyes.

“I promise you, it's not stupid, it's your feelings, and your feelings are valid” she said, voice unwavering before pulling you into her lap.

“I don't know, I just feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.” “What do you mean baby?” “I don't know, I just feel like something is going to happen, like something is going to happen and you’re going to realise that this was all a mistake and leave. You’re going to get sick of constantly being second guessed for no reason just because I’m messed up, because I don’t believe someone could actually love me this much. You’re going to get sick of me, and all my insecurities, ” she pulled your body into hers, your head finding a place in the crock of her neck, tears started to fall from your eyes, causing her neck to become wet.

“Y/N, baby, I love you so much, and I promise, there is not another shoe that will drop, we have been through so much together, we got through those 9 months together, we got through the trial together, and I promise we will get through whatever life throws at us together, forever, we will go through the highs and lows together. I love you so much, and I wouldn't want to spend my life with anyone else. I will never hurt you, I promise.” 

[biolumien]

to call home.

pt 4 to the samurai!hoshina fic. pt 3 is here.

notes: i will attempt to tie this up with a neat bow in pt 5... i forgot how frenetic multichapter fics can be... i much prefer the single stuff...!

samurai!soshiro hoshina x fem!reader definite descriptions of gore and blood word count: 1426

“for the last time, hoshina, i do not want to hear about your current wife problems,” gen narumi grumbles. “i cannot begin to tell you how fucking little i care.” he crosses his arms. “you’re here every single fucking day. i told you that we signed off on the alliance papers, right? it’s all in order? your wife’s the one that’s supposed to be going through those. she should be seeing right through your bullshit. i’m not your fucking friend.” 

“please,” hoshina says. “it’s not like i have anyone else to talk to about this.”

“talk to the the old man,” gen deadpans. “what was his name… hibino? the blacksmith?” 

“he’s madly in love with ashiro and is of little help to me,” hoshina replies flatly. 

“ugh.” gen rolls his eyes, leaning forward. the front of his kimono slips a bit, revealing more of his chest as he leans against the table. “so what the hell’s the issue now?” 

hoshina sighs. 

“we sparred the other day. she seemed upset,” hoshina says. “i just wish she’d tell me what she was actually thinking instead of just… staring at me like that.” that look that you give him, where it seems like you want to rip out his stomach and devour it whole. that look that you give him, where you so clearly just—want him dead, more than anything. 

“did you do something to piss her off?” gen asks. 

“no. i just…” hoshina worries his lip. “we haven’t even really done anything.”

“not even sleep together?”

“no, that we did. because we had to,” hoshina says. 

“ugh. of course you can make even the act of sleeping with someone sound dastardly unsexy and so fucking boring,” gen yawns. “what’s the problem, anyhow? we don’t marry for love. it’s duty. i thought you knew better than to believe in childish notions about true love.”

“i believe in true love as much as the next person,” hoshina says, “which is to say that i don’t. not in this life. not in the next.”

gen rolls his eyes. 

“why don’t you just talk to her?” gen asks, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. hoshina supposes that it is, but something about gen saying it to him filled him with some kind of petty rage.

“i’m glad that you seem to think it’s so simple,” hoshina states flatly. “given that you don’t have a wife yet–”

“just can’t keep your mouth shut, huh?” gen’s glare was unimpressed, his hand lowering to the wakizashi at his side. “get out of here before i stab you.”

“ouch, so prickly,” hoshina sneers, but gets up anyway. 

gen stares up at hoshina, yawning inelegantly. 

“i think instead of pussyfooting around this whole thing with your wife you ought to talk to her, quite frankly speaking, about the kind of relationship you want with her. that’s my advice.” 

“hm. that might sound good coming out of anyone else’s mouth but yours,” hoshina says with a leering smile, but the longer he thinks about it, the more gen seems to be right. he’d never truly tried to get to know you, right? nights spent in his own quarters were usually quiet—because he’d always attempted to respect your privacy to the best of his ability. 

you’d wanted nothing to do with him, after all—you barely even mentioned the night you spent together. was he really so clear and obvious in the ways he tried desperately to avoid conflict?

…

probably, now that he thought about it. 

as he settles down for the night, though, something doesn’t feel quite right. he chalks it up to simpler paranoias at first—general anxieties and unrest, the way you’d stared at him during dinner, with a stare so vicious it could kill on its own—up until he hears a bloodcurdling scream.

he bolts out of bed immediately, snatching up his wakizashi and katana, storming towards the source of the noise before he hears the clashing of blades—or a singular crack of one. 

hoshina watches as you cleave an assassin by the neck with a sweep of your naginata, blood splattering across your kimono as you heave out a low breath. as he approaches, you raise your naginata in sudden alarm before lowering your blade. 

“shinobi,” you say, sharply exhaling.

“so it appears,” hoshina says, drawing his katana, stepping behind you with his sword raised in a ready stance. “are you hurt?”

“clearly not,” you say, voice cold even now. “they breached the maids’ quarters. seems like they thought i’d have switched rooms or something out of paranoia.” you level your naginata, adjusting the sleeve of your kimono as you slam the blade into the wall, with an accompanying thud from another assassin.

“a bad actor, you’re saying?” hoshina’s eyes glance across the darkened hallway, his ears straining for any possible sound. he thinks he hears the thudding of footsteps somewhere close, and he raises his sword defensively. “from within the house?” 

“i don’t know,” you respond. “this could just be your family’s enemies. representatives from the narumi clan?” 

“doubtful,” hoshina says. gen wouldn’t be that stupid. “my talks have been going well.”

“well clearly, someone’s fucked up somewhere,” you shout back at him. he wonders why you look beautiful in this moment, blood staining your white kimono and across your face—and then your eyes widen in panic, your lips parting to let out a shout. “soshiro, behind!” 

he whirls around, his blade sinking into the chest of a faceless attacker—he feels the sinking of his blade into the flesh, and he grits his teeth. 

“you saved my life,” hoshina says, not turning to face you. 

“you’re welcome, jackass,” you respond. “keep your eyes and ears open. i’ll fucking kill them all.” 

hoshina laughs. the venom in your voice, usually targeted at him, now freely dished out to your aggressors was a terrifying sound and sight. he thanked the gods at least that he wasn’t your enemy—at least for the moment. 

the house was in disarray—screaming punctuated with the sound of blades, and the darkness made it hard to tell what was really going on, shadows mixed with dark shapes creating an inky blur of sound and physical sensation—but he could carve a path of bodies through it, coat the ground with enough viscera that there would be less sounds of clashing blades. 

as his blade finds the neck of another assassin, hoshina exhales. 

is it over? hoshina wonders. he strains his hearing for the moment, hearing no more footsteps. and yet the air is abuzz with energy–and something doesn’t feel right.

though, he amended, it hadn’t felt right since he’d gotten ready to go to bed. there was terrible unrest. something in the air.

“it’s over, i think,” hoshina says warily, still keeping his sword drawn.

“maybe,” you say, your voice terse.

hoshina leans down, examining one of the bodies, trying to look for an insignia, anything–but the assassins knew better. they bore no symbols of other houses, their weapons nondescript.

and then he hears you shout, and he turns to see you gritting your teeth as you swing your naginata at the same time as the final assassin’s blade connected with your side, having been knocked slightly askew–

you’d saved him.

hoshina moves on instinct as you collapse to the ground, gasping in uneasy pain, trying to hold your side, pulling away to find your hand and sleeve coated with blood. his sword finding the assassin’s stomach–it wasn’t an elegant cut by any means, and he grimaced at the sound of ripping flesh, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care as he rushed to your side, just trying to take in the sight of your blood spilling against the floor.

you cough.

“soshiro,” you whisper, looking up at him. “am i going to die?”

“no,” hoshina says, but the truth is he’s really not sure. he checks your wound–it’s deep, but if a doctor could stem the bleeding, there’d be a chance you might live. “that was stupid of you, you know. you didn’t have to do that.”

you cough, laughing weakly as you press your hand against your side. he pulls you up, holding your head in his arm.

“it’s my duty as your wife,” you say.

“you don’t have to do it if you don’t love me,” hoshina replies softly. your eyes flick to his face, narrow a little before you look away.

“it’s a shame that i think i do,” you say, and there’s not even a shred of resentment in your voice.  

[tarotbiscuits]

𝔭𝔦𝔠𝔨 𝔞 𝔠𝔞𝔯𝔡: 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔣𝔰

(this is for my female audience interested in men)

˜”°•.˜”°• Who are they?

What do they have to say to you?

What are their intentions towards you? •°”˜.•°”

We'll see what their energy (and the cards) say

Try to meditate on the piles beforehand and choose the one which calls you the most. If you don't feel drawn to any of them, close your eyes, take a deep breath and open your eyes. The pile you notice first is your pile!! If you feel drawn to two piles, i'd suggest choosing the one you're most drawn to, as the messages tend to be similar in nature.

𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔢 1 𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔢 2

𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔢 3 𝔭𝔦𝔩𝔢 4

PILE 1

Signs this might be for you:

444 is significant to you

you have a flowy red dress that you love wearing and it looks great on you (i see you turning around happily in that dress)

Who is your fs?

the hermit, temperance, page of cups rx, page of wands rx, five of swords, king of cups

Greetings, pile 1! For starters, i see that your fs is someone that you’ve already been in a romantic connection with. Your fs is someone who is more introverted or a loner at heart. He usually takes a lot of time for himself to balance his emotions out in his day-to-day life. He can be rather emotionally immature at times, not admitting his feelings for his love interests due to poor communication skills. I feel like he’s not the type to take risks. He wishes to be like everyone else, instead of standing out from the crowd. Your fs is a guy who doesn’t engage in conflicts much. Whenever he gets into conflict with someone, he tends to leave the situation to meditate upon it instead of lashing out. What I see coming for him is the fact that soon enough, he’ll be in his king of cups energy, because he took the time to get to know himself and seek answers to his problems. He’ll become an emotionally mature man, who can be honest about his feelings and support you emotionally when you need him.

His message for you

tower rx, four of cups, justice rx

“I’m sorry (i felt a lump in my throat right after that). Justice wasn’t done in our connection and it’s all my fault. I did you wrong big time and I don’t expect you to even forgive me, let alone take me back. I was a fool in the past when I denied your offer. I pursued other options over you (i don’t feel like this is a third party situation, just casual dating). Now I realized that having a lot of options won’t bring me emotional fulfillment and happiness if they’re not you. Our break-up was a traumatic experience for me and I did everything I could to numb my feelings and forget about you.”

His intentions towards you

death rx, ten of swords rx

Dear pile 1, I’m sorry to break it to you, but for now, your fs wants to heal from the connection. He feels like there are some demons from your past connection that still follow him and he wants to stop them from inflicting more pain on him. He wants to let go of the past and move on with his life. Considering he’s going to be your fs, the story isn’t probably over yet, i think?. Knight of cups rx is at the bottom of the deck, he feels like he can’t make a love offer rn. Under this there’s the queen of cups, omg he sees you as his soulmate. He deff still loves you, but is too heartbroken over the past. Give him time, pile 1. It’s just not the right time for the two of you to be together now.

Extra:

likes reading a lot

also likes ducks (and other feathered animals)

zodiac placements: virgo sun, water signs (cancer, scorpio, pisces) in big 6

PILE 2

Signs this might be for you:

33 is relevant to you

you have sneezed recently or you sneeze a lot

Who is your fs?

three of pentacles rx, three of wands, king of swords rx, seven of wands, ace of wands horizontal (yes, i take horizontals as advice cards), eight of swords, the world (bottom of the deck)

Hello pile 2, hope you’re having a great day! Your fs is someone who’s independent – he prefers to work alone than in groups or in collaboration with another person. He’s likely an adventurous type who travels a lot for work, but also in his free time. When he travels for fun, he likes to explore the natural wonders of our planet: hiking in the woods, tasting the freshness of the water streams around him. On the downside, he can be rather arrogant with his words, feeling like he’s above others intellectually or that people aren’t as honest and truthful like him. He can get a lot of backlash because of this, which makes him feel like he needs to defend for himself most of the time. I see that your fs wants to pursue a new creative endeavor, likely stemming from one of his passions, but he’s afraid. He is advised to take a leap of faith and do it anyway. He won’t know what’s in store for him unless he tries.

You two will probably be in a long distance relationship for a while. He’ll deff open you up to new experiences, getting you out of your comfort zone. Since he’s well travelled, count on him when you two are booking a holiday destination – he tends to know the coolest spots for taking pictures :)

His message for you

sun horizontal, page of pentacles horizontal, three of swords rx, king of cups, four of cups, five of pentacles rx

“Hey baby, it’s okay. The sun isn’t shining today, but that doesn’t mean it won’t shine tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day. I know you’re afraid to take a new beginning, you’ve been hurt so bad by love and all I want to do is take away your pain. I promise you, I’ll take away your pain one day, okay? Just don’t close yourself off to new possibilities, heck even in love. Don’t wait for me. Live your life, explore other options. See what you like and what you don’t. Just remember, you’re never alone. There are people who will love you for who you truly are, your family loves you (i sense that you might have had a difficult upbringing, a dysfunctional family, especially an absent mother, but your fs doesn’t know that yet). I will. You’re never alone, remember that.”

His intentions towards you

the high priestess rx, wheel of fortune rx, the star, nine of pentacles

Pile 2, your fs is closing himself off from your connection in the higher realm for now. Like pile 1, he feels like now is not the right time for you two to be together – your connection is divinely guided by the Universe and his higher self is guiding him towards some hardships in his personal life to learn valuable lessons, which are needed for your connection. He’s hopeful that you exist and he knows that you will be reunited at some point, but for now, he’s happily single and he wants to focus on maintaining his independence.

Extra:

rice is very significant (either his origins are from Asia or he strongly loves/hates rice)

zodiac placements: strong sagittarius, especially sagittarius sun/venus, gemini sun (it might be aspected with pluto, i see mostly conjuncting pluto or squaring/opposing pluto), gemini mercury, leo in big 6 (mostly ascendant and mars)

PILE 3

Signs this might be for you:

you have blue eyes (sorry guys, i can’t get any more signs for this one; he’s also telling me that you’ve eaten something specific recently but i can’t see what; i'm hearing mozarella sticks? lmk if it resonates, i'm not sure on this one)

Who is your fs?

five of pentacles rx, the tower rx, the emperor rx, temperance, page of cups rx, eight of wands, the star (bottom of the deck)

Woahh, pile 3. When i was shuffling the cards for this question, a lot of them fell down. Your fs has a lot to tell you about himself!! I think he has been often told to shut up by others. That’s what made him keep to himself a lot, but with you, he wants to tell you everything. Hahaha, now he's got a much calmer energy. Pile 3, your fs is the type of person that has outbursts of anger and he lashes out everything, but after that he’s like a lamb lmao. I see that your fs has been through some deep, dark shit in his past, likely involving his parents. Either his parents divorced at some point and it affected him deeply or his father abandoned him at a very young age. This broke down his world at the time, but i see that he has healed from it. He wished he had a happy childhood, but he just wants peace now and he got it. I felt his energy for a moment where he kept saying “I just want the fights to be over already” and then he kept repeating “over” again and again in a very demanding tone. I’d say his unhappy childhood still haunts him at times (i got death rx on the bottom of the deck when i clarified the first 3 cards), but he does believe in true love. He’s someone who tends to keep his feelings in check and his life in moderation. He can act immature at times, but i feel like he does feel sorry for his actions and tries his best to become a better person.

His message for you

six of swords, nine of pentacles, the well rx (i'm using ethereal visions by matt hughes it's my only deck ;-;), knight of swords

“Be strong. You have walked away from so many storms, that you’ve become this beautiful butterfly on your own. And if you haven’t walked away from those toxic people – do it NOW. I’ve walked away from my parents and friends, was it easy? No, but I’m much better now. You gotta be who you truly are as a person, you’re so fricking valuable. You need to be upfront and direct with people. I’ll teach you if you can’t. Why have you blocked your creative juices? Was it because of pain? Don’t let past hurts hinder your light. You are this beautiful goddess that is above EVERYONE else (i can really feel this feminine energy coming from you). I’ll worship the ground you walk on. Just don’t let them win.”

Pile 3, i feel like some of you are healing from a break-up, but you are already almost fully healed. You’re glowing and your fs adores that.

His intentions towards you

six of cups rx, page of swords rx, king of wands rx, wheel of fortune horizontal (yes, i take horizontals as advice cards)

For some of you, i feel like you already know them. Your fs might have been a childhood friend, a neighbor or a classmate that you used to hang around with when you were kids, just doing fun stuff. I don’t think he was in your life for a long time, you probably lost contact for some reason. I also don’t think you two were romantically involved, but if you did, it was more of an innocent fling.

For others of you, this is someone completely new and the six of cups rx might just point out to his unhappy childhood. He’s been pondering on it lately and feels very sad, maybe even depressed.

Either way, I feel like he’s going to enter your life really soon, but it won’t be at the right time. He’s not someone that is guided by a higher force, his intuition is quite blocked and he tends to act on his impulsive feelings without thinking of the consequences too much.

If you already know him, he might tell you about some harsh truth. Either point out to something you do which isn’t right, so he’s gonna call you out on that or he’ll say something regarding the times when you hung out as kids, which didn’t sit right with him.

If you don’t know him, he’s probably going to show off to you in a very “look at me, I’m better than the other guys” kinda way.

Whether you already know him or you will in the near future, i do feel like he has romantic feelings for you and he feels like he has got a chance to be with you, but like i said, the universe is saying that right now is not the right time for your union. It’s very likely that he’s still in school/college and is very focused on it. He doesn’t know if he should choose to pursue you or his career rn. This last bunch of cards just flew so this has been heavily on his mind. I’d say don’t engage too much with him, this is only the beginning of your love story. It will solve itself out when the timing is right.

Extra:

bichons/havanese dogs might be significant to your or them

zodiac placements: heavy aries and leo energy (i wouldn’t be surprised if most of his birth chart is filled with fire placements), libra sun or an afflicted sun (with lots of squares and oppositions)  

PILE 4

Signs this might be for you:

you had a very hard time picking a pile (yeah, i literally didn’t know if i should make this pile or not)

your fav color is purple

Who is your fs?

three of swords horizontal (yes, i take horizontals as advice cards), the emperor horizontal, three of cups rx, nine of wands rx, knight of wands, six of wands

Pile 4!!! Spirit was telling me to do this reading asap because it’s urgent (and then i got a call lmao). Your fs is likely a very busy guy, getting calls all the time. Damn, I just saw him in a suit. He’s someone influential in his career for sure, probably works in business. Even the cards hardly came out, like he didn’t want to talk because he’s too busy atm. I see that for your fs, career is everything. He is used to declining invitations to social events and parties because he would rather spend his time and attention on making money. He’s very VERY successful in what he does, i see massive recognition here, because he seizes every opportunity to advance in his career and he goes for them!! Sadly, he wasn’t always like this. At times he felt like the competition was too much and that he won’t succed, but in the end he gave his all, despite his feelings. He is advised not to become too bossy with the people around him, even though i feel like he isn’t like that anyway. I also believe that his overfixation on his career comes from a past break-up that he hasn’t processed fully. He is advised to process it and move on, instead of trying to simply forget it by doing something else.

His message for you

The chariot rx, queen of cups, page of pentacles clarified by two of swords, eight of cups clarified by seven of cups, five of pentacles rx clarified by the hermit, five of swords rx clarified by the king of wands

This is more about his ex and what happened to him, I feel like he really needs to vent so be gentle with him pile 4

“I wasn’t ready for her. I wasn’t ready for our relationship, but my feelings for her were so much, I just couldn’t hold them inside of me anymore. At that time I believed this was a new beginning for us, one that we would both (and i emphasize both) build for, something which would have lasted for a long time (i’m hearing everlasting). I felt like something was off from the beginning, but I thought it was only my imagination playing tricks. I wanted to take it slow because I wasn’t sure…oh boy, was I wrong. I had to leave when I found out that she was cheating on me this whole time. I poured my heart to her and she cheated…I don’t want to remember what happened after. It took me a long time to get over it, get over her (i’m hearing sleepless nights). I felt so alone and abandoned, I didn’t want to talk with anyone, I drank myself to sleep. But this experience made me into who I am today. I know I’m strong. I weathered storms no one would have imagined and I came out victorious. But I’m never leaving my heart to anyone else.

I don’t know if you exist…I’m feeling strong now, but what if it’s just a façade? Do you even exist? (death is on the bottom of the deck , under the death card is the queen of wands rx, he really doesn’t feel like you exist). I feel like the world is filled with harsh people, people that only want to benefit from others and I’m not letting others exploit me anymore.”

Pile 4, i honestly feel like he has so much love to give to others, even to you, but i’m not sure if he sees that. He will make a great partner, i can feel this already. Please show him that you will be there for him and that your feelings are genuine. He needs it.

His intentions towards you

four of pentacles, page of wands, ace of cups, seven of swords

Well, he’s deff focusing on his finances rn for sure. I see that there will be a passionate, new beginning in your connection. I don’t think you two have met, i feel like this is a fresh energy. I heard that you will have to make the first step tho. He will open up to you quite fast after that, but he will also feel a bit wary in the beginning. He doesn’t want the past to repeat itself. I see him trying to peek into your phone when you’re texting someone, just to make sure you’re not cheating on him or anything. He does have the tendency to become paranoid, which can get out of hand if not addressed. My advice to you is to have open communication at all cost. I see a lot of love between the two of you. Don’t let it go to waste.

Extra:

zodiac placements: capricorn in big 3, sun/ascendant conjunct saturn, strong sagittarius and leo in big 6, mars in aries or sagittarius, scorpio energy in big 6 or pluto is significant

[anzulvr]

OMG YOUR WORKS ARE SO AWOOGA I CANT STOP 😭 can I request karma x reader too with a s/o that cries with a straight face and cries whenever they're seething in anger, if I tried to say smth while I'm sad then the straight face just dissolves into a mess 🤠 maybe a part where Karma makes them cry im both ways and another part someone in class makes them cry, ty if you can (> <)!!

Karma x Reader who cries out of Anger. Sorry for being late (again!!), Ily your typing is so fun😭 thank you for requesting!ASSASSINATION CLASSROOM SPOILERS ꒱

Karma is too straightforward, he makes insensitive jokes, he isn’t the most emotionally mature person and he can be pushier than most. So when you’re sitting beside him, holding back tears, he doesn’t know which one of his traits drove you to this point.

The worst part is you refuse to answer when he asks, instead opting for looking the other direction or giving him a scowled expression. He racked his brain, you guys went to school, were perfectly fine, came back and now you’re angry.

“[Name] why have you been mad at me all day? And don’t say you’re not, you keep a straight face whenever you are.”

He pries and pries until you finally blow up on him.

“So you can just throw yourself off a mountain for an assassination attempt without a second thought and expect me not to care?”

“I’m fine aren’t I? That was the best idea I could come up with, I don’t know how I could top it.” He says like he’s disappointed in the fact it failed.

“You don’t see the problem? Seriously?”

“If somebody doesn’t kill him, everyone is going to die- you’re gonna die, did you expect me to not try my ideas??”

“I didn’t expect you to try to off yourself in the process.”

“It’s not about my life it’s about yours, I’m not letting you die.”

“How am I supposed to live if you’re dead?!” Your voice only gets louder.

“How am I supposed to live if you die because I was too scared to try something?!” Karma replies matching your tone.

“Tell me you won’t try anything like that again.”

He looks at the floor not wanting to face you.

You press further “If you die over this, I’ll die with you.”

The tears stream down your face, you do your best to keep your blank expression.

He can’t be the reason you get hurt, he knows you know that much. “It won’t come to that, we’ll assassinate him together.”

୨୧

If the reason for your tears is someone else the way Karma reacts is a unique depending on the person.

If Teraska makes you cry Karma going to instigate until Terasaka gets pissed off enough to fight him.

“Making [Name] cry? No wonder you’ve gotten rejected by every girl you’ve shown interest in.”

“Ya don’t know anything- stop shoving your head in other peoples business.”

“[Names] business is mine too, if you don’t like that you can fight me over it.”

“Tch..” Terasaka looks away in annoyance

“What? You scared?” Karma isn’t giving up until Terasaka throws a punch and looses.

If Maehara and Okajima are the culprits, Karmas exposing their embarrassing secrets to the class.

“I know you two aren’t the brightest… but I’d think you’d know not to bother [Name].”

Unlike Terasaka they’re not willing to take their chances against Karma, they know it’s too late making you cry is a death wish.

“Hear us out- we weren’t trying to offend anyone we just-”

Karma doesn’t let them finish their sentence before he says “You know what I think is so funny, I found this crazy video of you guys.”

“Wait huh?”

“It’s not loading right now, I’ll post it on my story later so you two know what I’m talking about!”

“Please don’t! What even is it?!”

It’s a video of the time they tried a contemporary dance class to impress some girls and ended up tripping on each other and fighting, they kept slipping with every punch, needless to say they’re prohibited from going back.

If Korosenseis work load is what’s making you upset he’s going to guilt trip him until he agrees to excuse your assignments, “You call yourself a teacher? Poor [Name] is stressed out and you don’t care.”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to pressure anyone that’s the opposite of what I want to do!! [Name] I’ll give you an extension.”

“Just an extension after what you did? [Name] is humiliated after crying infront of everyone and that’s the solution?”

“It wasn’t that bad…” You felt better and you tried talking yourself out of it but he kept going.

“I say you excuse the assignment and let [name] rest. You’re so cruel… making your student hate school.” He knows exactly where to hit, Korosensei is sensitive enough to make that easy, he would never forgive himself if he burnt out his students.

“Okay [Name] you’re excused for the project. Please, forgive me!” Korosensei is the one crying now, but at least you don’t have to worry about the assignment anymore. The rest of the class starts complaining about it too in hopes to get it excused themselves.

[artist-issues]

Okay here are some questions that are all related but could have different answers depending on the slightly different phrasing.

Do you think that Paladin Strait is gonna be the point-blank end of the saga? The final message will just be, 'the cycle continues' and their next album will be totally something new? (gosh i HOPE not that would be the worst) But if they do this, do you think they'll 'justify' it to their fans?

If it does continue, how do you think THEY will continue/end it? (positively, what we [you + me and maybe others who have similar worldview] WANT)

If it does continue, how do you think THEY will continue/end it? (negatively, what we FEAR they will do)

How do YOU wish they would continue/end it? (99% sure i know the answer but im curious how you'll phrase it exactly)

What do you think the biggest strengths of the Clancy story have been?

Biggest weaknesses?

What are you still drawing question marks on for the whole thing?

About Paladin Strait:

Okay, I hope and tentatively believe that that’s not what they’re doing. I don’t believe they’ve ever been pointing to a big “You’ll Always Struggle Forever” theme. It’s been almost fifteen years, I just have never gotten that impression (until this last album, but I still don’t believe it.) But, if that is somehow the hopeless message they’re perpetuating? I don’t think they’ll have to “justify it” to their “fans” at all. The majority of the twenty one pilots fandom justifies everything the band does, for themselves. Unless it comes to the band refusing to speak on social issues that the fandom has decided are important, and unless it comes to the fans not getting to stand where they feel special in an arena. I’ve seen the fans demand an explanation for those sorts of “lack of action” from the band. But I’ve never seen the fans get upset about any song or performance. They basically make the songs mean whatever they want them to mean, like the majority of fandoms do. So they’ll say “that’s a beautiful message,” no matter what the message actually is.

I don’t know how they’ll end it. They’ve always stopped short of a resolution. They go, “There is a problem (acknowledge it;) here’s how I feel about the problem; here’s what keeps me in the problem; and here’s how I’m crying out for help with the problem—“ but they’ve rarely, ever, said, “here’s how that cry for help is answered, definitely.” Taxi Cab and March to the Sea get the closest (of their “canon” stuff.) Everything else ends with the cry for help, never the answer. So, if I were to respond to “what do you think the answer will be, if they finally tell us about the answer?” I would say: they’ll point out that it has to be “Someone Outside Yourself, Who Knows You Better Than You Do, Answers the Cry For Help.” I hope the Torchbearer will, in some way, save Clancy. Even if it’s pulling his body out of the towers after he’s defeated so it can’t be seized. Some kind of saving. Because that’s what Taxi Cab and March end with; the spaceship takes Tyler up and shows him who to follow instead of the Dead Line, but he has to keep choosing that New Direction every day until the march is over. Or the Three Men hijack the hearse, pick the lock on his casket, and take the Dead Man to the Morning Sun. See, even when the Cry For Help is Answered By Someone Outside of Yourself, they end it on “but the journey isn’t over.” But at least there’s new direction in those songs, not the same old direction. Death-to-Life direction. I don’t know, though, and that’s what has me biting my nails.

About How I Think They’ll End It (Negative)

I don’t love thinking about this because my emotions are real tied up in whether they do or do not step out in faith. But I will point out that the worst-case scenario is, just to answer this question: the worst-case scenario is that Josh has decided there is no One True Faith and he’s into Eastern pagan religion that he associates with Christianity now, and Tyler has decided that whatever might be true about Christianity, the organized-religion Church is wrong about it all, starting with the LGBTQ+ stuff, and so he doesn’t know what’s right but he’s happy with that because it means he can keep “searching” and “imagining.” Like the “journey is the destination, we’ll never really know,” stuff. Which is not Christianity. It’s not true faith.

C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

Because faith is focused on something bigger than and totally outside of yourself, yet real and knowable. Faith in “I dunno what it is, but there’s somethin big out there I guess I believe in, but we’ll never know what it truly is” is just a cheap disguise for “faith in my own understanding and control.” If you don’t know exactly what the object of your faith is, then you can pick and choose the things you like out of vagueness. Whatever, I can make a post about that later.

But if that’s where they’re at—I am not enjoying thinking through this right now—then the thing that makes most logical-story-sense coming out of that mindset, to me, would be “Clancy becomes the new leader of the Bishops, but ushers in an era of sunshine and imagination instead of the cold bleak walls of the city. What they burn down is the organized-religion analogue aspects of DEMA.” I think that would be a super stupid way to end it but maybe.

That’s worst-case. I think second-worst case would be “the cycle continues.” Clancy wakes up in his old room, the Banditos are gone, the neon gravestones are glowing, and then he like looks down and sees a flower, indicating that the Banditos are still out there and he has the chance to re-start the cycle and do it all better this time… or give up based on the idea that nothing will ever be better. And we end on a twenty-one-pilots-esque “Pick One” ending. I think this is the most likely ending, because it’s not an ending at all, and it will keep the religious crowd and the secular crowd both happy. Plus, as far as the story describing Tyler’s wrestling match with doubt and dark thoughts? It would mean he gets to keep wrestling, which, I hate to say it, has produced lots of successful music so far. But you know what, so would a winner to the wrestling match, because truth is worth more than success.

Third-worst-case scenario—Clancy “dies,” taking down the Towers of Silence with him. And all the Glorious Gone zombies fall over Phantom-Menace-style, leaving battered Banditos standing. And they live to fight another day; Nico is still out there, probably ready to seize and rebuild; but the Torchbearer goes to Clancy’s body and looks somber and takes the mask off of him and carries it away, or some other type of nod to that old performance of Time to Say Goodbye—but the point is it’ll end with the idea that Clancy goes on, but “Clancy” was always a character, an idea, a belief, that anybody can embody if they’re willing to sacrifice themselves so that others can get their focus off of Dark Thoughts. You know, kind of like how Tyler Joseph gets them to focus their ability-to-hurt-myself-energy on him, as a performer, instead of on themselves (Guns for Hands.) This is semi-fine because it’s about some form of self-sacrifice, but I don’t like that the emphasis is on “if I just sacrifice myself for the hope that things can get better, it’ll somehow help people, even if I don’t know what the Hope is.” It would obviously be better if someone outside of Clancy brings about the resolution to Clancy’s story.

FOURTH-worst case scenario—as in, the least bad of all of them—Clancy fights and wins against Nico by using his ability to “seize” Nico, and burns down the towers, and dies or disappears doing it. This is good because Nico dies, and good because of self-sacrifice, and cool because he uses “seizing” his Dark-Self-Focus and puppetting it, rather than letting it puppet him, is very close to what they’ve always been saying: the Biblical Idea of Taking Your Thoughts Captive, and using art as an introspection-weapon. BUT it’s bad, because then it makes Music the Savior, in a sense.

I wish they would end it like this:

Clancy is seized by Nico, who pilots Clancy’s body over to the window of the tower and shows the Banditos, fighting, that their hero has been defeated and is being used. It’s super disheartening, because the implication is maybe this was always going to happen, Clancy was never going to escape, or worse, Nico knew the plan and it was always doomed to fail, because somehow Clancy was always under his power, and Clancy is doing some kind of demonic dance or demonstration with yellow eyes showing that he’s nothing but Nico’s vessel now—but Clancy’s still fighting Nico’s control, on the inside, mentally. (In a music video I guess they could cut-away, between what’s happening outside of Clancy’s head as Nico shows the Banditos that he’s been defeated, and then cut-away to Tyler singing and fighting a battle in Clancy’s mind, trying to re-take control.) But Clancy’s losing the mental fight, too. He just manages to get a kind of moment of control back—maybe his eyes go back to being their normal color instead of seized-yellow—and he basically does this as a cry for help. Then Nico takes over again.

Clancy is seized, he can’t save himself, he’s tried everything and followed the plan of the Banditos up until this point…and it didn’t matter. This defeat is where it’s led. He’s overpowered, seized, back in the same grip of the Bishops, and the Banditos could look, lose heart, and be disheartened, and lose, even after all this work. So he’s managing to fight off Nico just long enough to get that “I CAN’T DO IT” message to the Torchbearer. And the Torchbearer understands. Because he’s not down there on the ground with the Banditos. He’s up in the tower with Nico and Clancy, and has been all along, and now that Clancy flashes the help-I’m-in-here-but-I-can’t-do-it message through his eyes or however they want to do it—THEN Torchbearer saves the day. I don’t much care how, as long as Torchbearer saves the day. I think the best way for him to do it would be to straight-up kill Clancy and that kills Nico. Because they were always connected. And then it seems sad, like Clancy was always going to be the sacrifice, as DEMA burns up. But then at the last second in the music video (or however they end it) he opens his eyes, and the Torchbearer helps him up. And the Clancy mask is burning along with Nico’s robes in the background, something like that. Because if Nico is Self-Focus (which leads to anxiety, depression, and most of all insecurity) then Self-Sacrifice, death of the Self, so that you stop considering yourself so much, is the only cure. And we both know only Jesus can kill your old self and raise you up a new creation.

But they don’t have to do it exactly like that. Torchbearer could beat the Nico out of Clancy, like Jenna Joseph does in the Tear in My Heart music video. That would be acceptable, because it would go with the idea of “Someone Outside of You Who Loves You Despite Your Imperfections Can Beat Your Insecurity About the Imperfections Out of You.” You see, the reason I want Nico to seize Clancy is because this whole time, Clancy has been relying on his ability to seize the bad guys as a method of defeating them.

Using Music, getting inside your darkness and then making it work for you, is the closest twenty one pilots has ever gotten to a functional-savior in their story. But the truth is that only works for a moment. It’s just a bandaid solution. Music can help you see what’s wrong, and help you feel control over what’s wrong by virtue of understanding it and making it work for you…but then eventually, you know what happens? The thing you’ve created becomes what you place your faith in, and then it has power over you.

But in like layman’s terms I guess you could just say: “Boy Feels Darkness -> Instead of Giving in to Darkness, Boy Makes Music About His Darkness -> Darkness Works for the Boy; Others Hear and Like the Music -> Darkness Appears to be Controlled by the Boy as a Way to Connect, Inspire, and Be Successful -> Boy Can’t Stop Focusing on Darkness or Writing About Darkness, Because That’s What Made Him Famous -> The Darkness is Not Defeated, and It’s More a Part of His Identity Than Ever. Who Is He Without The Darkness, Now? It’s Not Gone, and It’s In Charge”

You see? I know I’m saying it five different ways but at this point I’m wishing I was saying it to him.

Demons don’t care if you think they’re powerful, or if you think they’re powerless. They just care that you’re not thinking rightly about them, either way. It’s not “Ignore the Darkness,” and it’s not “Make Everything About the Darkness,” either. It’s “There is Darkness, and it is powerful, and acknowledging that just makes the LIGHT LOOK EVEN MORE POWERFUL.”

So Nico has to seize him. When all along he thought he’d be doing the controlling. And then someone from the outside has to save him.

What do I think the strengths have been?

The idea of seizing. That is so good and perfect. Because creativity is what gives Clancy the ability to seize, but it’s not a perfect solution. The Bishops can use that, too—and guess what, they did, they used Scaled & Icy.

Even Trash the Dragon, who was supposed to represent limitless imagination, is the symbol of that Bishop-Propaganda album—which is interesting, because it makes limitless imagination look like a bad thing, if it’s being used by the bad guys. But also, it’s dead, because the dragon was able to be seized, meaning it was a corpse. So Limitless Imagination was dead all along? Oh but wait, its corpse can still be used—by Keons, who is a bad guy? No, because he betrayed the other bad guys and freed Clancy using Creativity to Revive Limitless Imagination for one specific purpose. And if it’s for one specific purpose, then it’s not limitless. Imagination shouldn’t be limitless, or else you can imagine you’re worthless. It should be used for one specific purpose instead—setting you free from the bad thoughts. UUUUGH that’s so good.

And the contrast between Natural Light (fire, which also happens to be destructive and can get out of human control) and Man-Made Light (neon, which is stale, sterile, and totally under human control.) Goes perfectly with the contrast between a wild, green continent called Trench—and a lifeless, concrete, circular (cyclical) city made by man.

Plus, of course, Torchbearer. Torchbearer being three-and-one. Torchbearer being the leader of a group who wear yellow, a color the bad guys cannot see—and he’s also only able to be seen by Clancy when Clancy’s imprisoned. But sometimes he’s not seen by Clancy and Clancy doubts. But ultimately Torchbearer has always been with Clancy, and always had a plan, and even the Bishops can’t escape being made part of his plan. Torchbearer having an X that lands over his heart made of yellow tape—which looks like a tilted cross. Torchbearer having tape wrapped around the knee where Josh Dun has Tyler Joseph’s name tattooed. Torchbearer having a yellow bandanna that covers his face in the same division mirroring where the Bishops have black smeared.

Also, the fact that Clancy, as a character, is never sure what’s going on. When the whole story is about trying to decide where to go, and why. It’s about a journey and whether or not the destination is worth it. And the main character himself wrestles with that so constantly. He doesn’t know if the Torchbearer’s plan is going to work. He doesn’t know if the Bishops are really all bad, or if the safety they provide makes up for it. He doesn’t know if he’s having dreams or if he’s somehow seizing vultures and seeing real things. He doesn’t know if he wants to leave the city, or stay—and when he figures that out, he doesn’t know how any of this could’ve been planned. He;s constantly trying to separate the good from the bad and figure out which side he’s on, where the attacks are coming from. That’s his whole character.

Polarize is taking your disguises Separating 'em, splitting 'em up from wrong and right It's deciding where to die and deciding where to fight Deny, deny, denial

Domingo en fuego I think I lost my halo I don't know where you are You'll have to come and find me, find me

I'm navigating, I'm navigating my head Give me some advice I am wasting all this time My, oh my Don't know how long it's been My, oh my

And then on the other side? Torchbearer’s role is to guide? They're the perfect pair. Clancy never knows what’s real or not real, what’s going to work or not work, who’s right or wrong, or even what his role is. The world is a dark map and he can’t find himself in the “You Are Here” Dot. But TORCHBEARER lights the way.

Biggest weaknesses in the Clancy Story?

I don’t know because I’m not sure what the Point is yet. I could try to pick apart where the story isn’t doing well with “form” (everything used to deliver the point, the mood, the character design, the pacing, the dialogue, all that) but this is a story embedded in a series of albums and music videos and lots of mixed media. So it’s told in basically the most engaging way it can be told, it’s genius, I have noticed no weaknesses.

…unless you want to say, “the story is too unclear and vague; you can’t understand what they’re trying to say because they’re not really saying anything.” You could make an argument for that. I would be able to pick that argument apart more easily than I would be able to make that argument, though.

Endings mean concluding. Conclusions mean a Point. You can’t end a story without revealing whether or not you had a point. So we’ll find out, I guess!

What Are My Question Marks?

What’s going on with Keons? I can’t figure out Keons at all. I can’t figure out why Keons betrayed the other bishops, what led to that, how he’s connected to Ned.

What’s the Car representing? The car at the beginning of Heavydirtysoul and Jumpsuit—it’s burning onstage for the whole Trench era. It’s a Cadillac, it looks like a charred up version of the one from the No Phun Intended album, so is it supposed to represent a former mindset? It keeps recurring, so it means something, I just haven’t figured out what. The closest I get is “that’s the music, or how he used to use the music.” But I’m not sure.

What does the smearing have to do with the Glorious Gone? The letters make it sound like it’s just for dead people, but Clancy’s been smeared in the music video for Levitate and in Jumpsuit. Am I supposed to believe he was dead all along and being seized by someone this entire time? If that’s the case, he hasn’t been aware of that, according to his letters.

Who was Clancy talking about in that one letter when he was captured by the Bishops and said “He was never there, I would have felt him?”

Above all, what does Tyler think of God now? Where’s he at in his faith? Is he still struggling with the same stuff I am or is it a different blend?

I think that’s all for now.

[dumbkiri]

hi!! how are you? i hope you are having a lovely day and staying hydrated.

i just would like to request a tobio x fem!reader where reader is the younger sister of oikawa and because of the "bad blood" between the two, she gets tired and lectures them about how they should stop their petty fight and, at least, be civilized with each other. (though oikawa is mainly the petty one 😂)

it's a bit messy, so it's okay if you don't decide it or completely change the plot.

btw, i absolutely love your fics!!! and i definitely am a fan of yours!!!

𝐁𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐅𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐬

ᴋᴀɢᴇʏᴀᴍᴀ ᴛᴏʙɪᴏ x ꜰᴇᴍ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

The Karasuno Boys volleyball team were excited to be invited to the Karasuno’s Girls volleyball tournament. The tournament was called ‘Spring Days’, it was showcasing the popular teams of Japan and they couldn't wait to see all the cute girls there.

Then they were all smacked in the face when Kageyama offhandedly said that he wouldn’t be there to support the Karasuno girls. 

“What do you mean you’re not going to support them! They always support us!” Hinata shouted at his grumpy teammate. The orange haired male was currently shaking the life out of Kageyama. 

Then Kageyama scowled and began wrestling Hinata as he said, “Because I would be betraying someone important to me. She plays for Shiratorizawa.” 

“Eh?” Hinata stopped shaking Kageyama and just stared at him blankly while being held in a chokehold by said male. Then he whispered so the rest of the boys practicing wouldn’t hear them, “Someone important? Like a girlfriend?” 

“Is that a problem?” Kageyama casually asked, pushing Hinata away. He picked up his drink and started gulping down the water in his plastic bottle. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and shrugged his shoulders, “It’s a good thing I get a free ride there, but don’t expect me to cheer for our school.” 

“We are there to support our team, Kageyama,” Sawamura crossed his arms over his chest and glared down at the young teen with his dad stare, “And if I don’t hear you cheer for them, you will not set for two games- no three games.” 

Kageyama deflated and looked off to the side in thought. You would understand the punishment he was getting and would want him to do what’s best for him. But your attitude was going to be different during the game. “Fine, but if our school faces Shiratorizawa, you’re gonna wish I cheered for her instead.” 

The boys watched as the volleyball nerd went over to the net getting ready to practice some sets. They had no idea what he meant by that and left to join him for practice. 

…..

Saturday came quicker than the boys anticipated, nonetheless they sported the Karasuno jackets and walked into the large stadium with giant smiles on their faces. They all loved the feeling they got walking up to the court, so sometimes it was weird for them to be watching and being the supporting students. 

Kageyama was glued to his phone, messaging his girlfriend non-stop. Hinata would definitely peek over Kageyama’s shoulder, but he would always be pushed away with a hand in front of his face. The boys were seated in the first row and had an amazing view of the court. 

Kageyama was doing perfectly fine until he heard his rival speaking from afar. “Ah, the poor little trashy crows have to play against my amazing little sister. I can only imagine how giant the point difference is going to be.” 

Kageyama looked to his left to see two empty seats. That was until that annoying voice still praising his sister got closer. His dark blue eyes looked up to see brown ones glaring at him. Then another male popped up from behind the curly brown haired person.

 “Ah, Kageyama, you’re here to support [Name] as well?” Iwaizumi asked, walking in front of Oikawa and greeting the stumped black haired male. 

Kageyama bowed his head then said, “No, I’m not allowed to cheer for her or else I won’t be a setter for three games.” 

Iwaizumi sat down next to him and chuckled, “I get it and I’m sure she would as well. Did you tell her?” The older teen got comfortable and looked at his old teammate. 

“I’m afraid she’s going to give the Karasuno girls a hard time if I did,” Kageyama admitted with his eyes directed hard at the ground. 

A loud laugh caught their attention and Oikawa leaned back into his seat with a smug smile on his face. “[Name] is so going to crush your trashy team solo! If I were you, I would tell your other halves to forfeit now.” 

Iwaizumi elbowed Oikawa’s rib cage causing the male to lurch forward with a holler. Before Kageyama could agree with his rival, his loud teammates came into the picture with heated glares, “What makes your snotty sister so special, huh?” Tanaka shouted while Nishinoya stood behind him with a fist in the air, “Ten bucks, our team does the crushing instead!” 

“Deal!” Oikawa shouted back with one hand holding his side while Iwaizumi shook his head from the lack of awareness these idiots had. The usually grumpy male leaned over to Kageyama and whispered, “You do know that your team is going to make trashykawa super rich after this game?” 

Kageyama crossed his arms over his chest and grumbled back, “I tried to warn them.” 

“Welcome all to the Spring Days tournament where talented ladies from all over Japan showcase their volleyball skills.” 

The female announcer excitedly proclaimed in her microphone. The males couldn’t focus on what she was saying because a new group arrived behind them and this group wasn’t going to go unnoticed. 

“Oh my, is that Oikawa Tooru? The big brother of our baby eagle, [Name]?” 

Kageyama peeked a glance at his rival and saw the instant disgust on the male’s face which caused a bit of happiness to appear on his own face. Kageyama thought this was a perfect karma moment for the smug male. 

“You do well to address my little sister by her last name. Just because she trains with that guy, doesn’t mean you cannot show her or myself some respect!” Oikawa pointed at a very tall third year student. 

Ushijima looked down at Oikawa with his eyes and stated, “Your sister likes the nickname the team gave her and she has all our respect because of her skills. At least she took my advice to join the girls team at Shiratorizawa unlike you. She’s being nurtured if that’s what you care about.” 

“Don’t word it like that, it makes you sound like a pervert! Also that’s because I don’t want to be your teammate! You’re the one that brainwashed my poor sister! I should have persuaded her to spend her time elsewhere!” 

“What, like Karasuno?” Tendou snidely said with a snicker. 

Kageyama could feel the tension from his captain and vice captain as Daichi spoke up with a fake smile on his face. The third year Karasuno male turned around and asked Tendou with that cheap smile, “Something wrong with Karasuno?”

Tendou hummed and shrugged his shoulders, “Ehh~ You don’t really see people with skill choose Karasuno unless they’re rejects,” He looked at the back of Kageyama’s head, “Or useless dreamers.” He stared at the rest owlishly. 

“That’s enough out of your mouth,” Semi joined in and told everyone to focus on the game which is about to start. Everyone had their feathers ruffled up in some way and it was because of their snide remarks to one another. 

“For our first game, we have Karasuno vs Shiratorizawa! Please welcome them to the court!” 

Kageyama pulled out his backpack from under his chair and everyone looked at him suspiciously. He didn’t pay attention to their questioning glares as his eyes were on a girl who looked around the arena for him. Of course, your knees were not covered by your usual white and purple knee pads. 

It only took another minute for you to find him and you ran over to the stands with a giant grin on your face.

 “Tobio, thank you so much for bringing them! I forgot I left them at your place!” You huffed out and sat down in front of his backpack digging in it without any permission. You found your knee pads and took them out with a sigh of relief. “You just saved me from running ten laps back home.” 

“It’s no problem at all,” Kageyama responded with a gentle smile on his face as he admired your look. The rest of his teammates were baffled by the look of his face and how pretty you were. You seemed kind, way kinder than your older brother. 

You slipped your knee pads over your shoes and comfortably on your knees. You looked up at Tobio and blushed at the soft look he was giving you, but you could tell he wanted to tell you something. “Is something wrong, Tobio?” 

“Yes!” Your brother shouted standing up from the bleachers, “He’s not going to cheer for you! But don’t worry, you have me!” 

“And us!” Tendou shouted from a row behind. You laughed and pushed yourself up from the floor. You weren’t going to tell them that you didn’t notice them because of your attention to your boyfriend. 

“Is there a reason why you’re not going to cheer for me, Tobio?” You asked with a pout on your face and he stood up immediately to comfort you. You loved this about him, he was pretty shy, but he made sure to keep you happy. 

He looked at his team then to you and explained, “They didn’t believe me when I said that my girlfriend plays for Shiratorizawa and said that if I didn’t cheer for the Karasuno girls then I wouldn’t set for three games.” 

You laughed and gave Kageyama a quick hug pushing him gently back onto his seat, “Eh, don’t worry Tobio. I was just teasing you. I know I will always have your support! Anyways, what’s the bet?” 

“You know about the bet?” Hinata questioned bewildered by your psychic abilities and you scoffed with a smirk on your face as you gestured over to your older brother, “Please, if my brother doesn’t force someone to bet on my skills then he’s not my Tooru.” 

“We bet ten dollars,” Oikawa said and leaned back while Iwaizumi shook his head in exaggeration. 

Then you rolled your eyes and fixed your knee pads a bit while saying, “I would have gone higher, older brother. But that’s okay, I hope to see you all in the finals.” You winked at Kageyama and shouted over your shoulder as you walked away, “I better not hear the both of you talking smack to one another. It throws me off my game!” 

Oikawa sat back in his spot and glared at Kageyama, “Why were her knee pads at your place?”

Kageyama shrugged his shoulders and zipped up his bag. The words from you not even seconds ago being forgotten because of a cruel idea in his head. He was tired of Oikawa and this was for sure going to get him riled up.

Kageyama turned his head and smirked at Oikawa, “Maybe because she spends most of her time on her knees.” 

“I dare you to say that again!” Oikawa shouted while being held back by Iwaizumi who had to hide his blush from his former teammate. He wasn't expecting Kageyama to be that bold!

“I meant what I said!” You shouted, giving a glare at your rambunctious brother.

..........

Thank you for your support and I hope this was a fun read for you because I had fun writing it!!

[grungeprincess2]

Kurt Cobain Quotes

1. I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

2. Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

3. Friends are nothing but a known enemy.

4. Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are.

5. If my eyes could show my soul, everyone would cry when they saw me smile.

6. I am definitely a feminist. I'm f--king disgusted by the way women are still treated. It's 1993 and some people still think we're in 1950s. We need to make more progress. There needs to be more female musicians, more female artists, more female writers. Everything is dominated by f--king males and I'm sick of it!

7. Thank you for the tragedy. I need it for my art.

8. Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with with your self-esteem. They're no good at all.

9. We're so trendy we can't even escape ourselves.

10. I definitely feel closer to the feminine side of the human being than I do the male - or the American idea of what a male is supposed to be. Just watch a beer commercial and you'll see what I mean.

11. I mean, I’m definitely gay in spirit, and I probably could be bisexual. But I’m married, and I’m more attracted to Courtney [Love] than I ever have been toward a person, so there’s no point in trying to sow my oats at this point. [Laughs] If I wouldn't have found Courtney, I probably would have carried on with a bisexual lifestyle.

12. Ever since the beginning of rock and roll, there's been an Axl Rose. And it's just boring. It's totally boring to me.

13. I thought I would try to be gay for a while, but I'm just more sexually attracted to women. But I'm really glad that I found a few gay friends, because it totally saved me from becoming a monk or something.

14. If any of you, in any way, hate homosexuals, people of a different color or women, please do this one favor for us—leave us the fuck alone. Don’t come to our shows and don’t buy our records.

15. The problem with groups who deal with rape is that they try to educate women about how to defend themselves. What really needs to be done is teaching men not to rape. Go to the source and start there.

16. The duty of youth is to challenge corruption.

17. We’re not as popular as everyone thinks, and we’re not as rich as everyone thinks.

18. There are a lot of things I wish I would have done, instead of just sitting around and complaining about having a boring life.

19. Punk is musical freedom. It’s saying, doing, and playing what you want.

20. Words suck. I mean, everything has been said. Words aren’t as important as the energy derived from music, especially live.

21. I'm a spokesman for myself. It just so happens that there's a bunch of people that are concerned with what I have to say. I find that frightening at times because I'm just as confused as most people. I don't have the answers for anything.

22. Holding my baby is the best drug in the world.

23. No one is afraid of heights, they’re afraid of falling down. No one is afraid of saying I love you, they’re afraid of the answer.

24. I use bits and pieces of others’ personalities to form my own.

25. If you die you're completely happy and your soul somewhere lives on. I'm not afraid of dying. Total peace after death, becoming someone else is the best hope I've got.

26. I just can’t believe anyone would start a band just to make the scene and be cool and have chicks. I just can’t believe it.

27. To be positive at all times is to ignore all that is important, sacred and valuable. To be negative at all times is to be threatened by ridiculousness and instant discredibility.

28. You can’t buy happiness.

30. Nobody dies a virgin. Life f***s us all.

31. Music is energy. A mood, atmosphere. Feeling.

33. If you’re really a mean person you’re going to come back as a fly and eat poop.

34. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too f****** sad.

35. I have to admit I’ve found myself doing the same things that a lot of other rock stars do or are forced to do. Which is not being able to respond to mail, not being able to keep up on current music, and I’m pretty much locked away a lot. The outside world is pretty foreign to me.

36. I really miss being able to blend in with people.

37. It’s better to burn out than fade away.

38. God is gay

[vodika-vibes]

I'll Protect You

Summary: Thire has a problem. That problem stands half a foot shorter than him, always greets him with a bubbly grin, and is dating someone who doesn’t deserve her. He’s willing to keep his opinion to himself, so long as she’s happy. But when she shows up at his barracks badly injured and bleeding, all bets are off.

Pairing: Commander Thire x F!Reader

Word Count: 1729

Warnings: Domestic Abuse

A/N: My brain didn't want to focus on any of my requests, and so this was born instead. Also, I've never been in this situation personally, so take everything I say here with a grain of salt.

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It’s late. So late, in fact, that Thire should be asleep.

But he just can’t seem to relax enough in his bed to actually fall asleep. Every time he gets close the building will make a weird noise, or he’ll have a weird thought, or a worry will cross his mind—

It’s getting to the point that Thire is considering giving up on sleep.

It’s not like he’s never worked on no sleep before.

He just wishes he knew what was keeping him from falling asleep. It feels like something is looming over him, threatening him with something.

Thire’s stomach churns as the feeling of dread intensifies.

Something’s wrong. At least, his brain thinks there’s something wrong.

He huffs out a frustrated breath and finally sits up, his blanket pooling around his waist as he presses his face into his hands. Tomorrow is supposed to be his day off. He has plans to spend the day with his Sarad.

He can’t do that if he’s running on no sleep.

Well, he can, but his Sarad will worry and she’ll get that look on her face, and then he’ll have to throw himself in a holding cell for upsetting her. Which, admittedly, will only upset her more.

Maybe he’ll read a book or something? Sarad let him borrow some of her detective novels not that long ago—

Thire is about to swing his legs off his bed when he hears a light, almost hesitant, knock on the door to his room. He feels an immediate surge of annoyance. Just because he can’t sleep doesn’t mean that people can bother him—

Still, it might be important, he supposes. 

So, grudgingly, he trudges to the door and opens it.

The first thing he sees is his Sarad. She’s dressed in leggings and a tee-shirt, and her hair is pulled up, and she’s never looked prettier.

But then he looks closer.

Her left arm is clutched to her chest. Her face is covered in bruises, and there’s blood—

She’s bleeding.

His Sarad is bleeding.

The words don’t compute.

His Sarad can’t be bleeding. That would mean that someone laid hands on her.

“Sarad—”

“I’m sorry,” Her voice is thick with pain and tears, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go—” She moves the arm clutched to her chest slightly, and she winces.

“Sarad,” Thire reaches out and lightly tilts her head back so he can get a better look at her injuries. His hands are shaking slightly, “Did you get mugged, sweetheart?”

Her lower lip trembles and tears escape from her eyes, and she shakes her head, “...no.”

Thire tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear, and he has to release a slow breath when he sees that one of her earrings has been ripped out. It’s where the majority of the blood is coming from.

Poor thing, she must be in so much pain.

If she wasn’t mugged, then what—?

Thire scans her face, and she averts her gaze, shame crossing her face. He stares at her, and he knows what happened.

“Corr did this.” There’s a strange ringing in his ears, Thire doesn’t know if he's ever been this angry before in his life. Oh, sure, he never liked her boyfriend. But he didn’t hate the other man until this very moment.

She shrinks in on herself, “...he said I deserve this.” She even sounds like she’s trying to make herself smaller, and Thire wonders if she fears that he’s going to hurt her too.

Corr’s a dead man walking, he just doesn’t know it yet.

But, dealing with that can come later. Right now his Sarad needs him, and she’s so much more important.

“Let me pull on a shirt and I’ll take you to Suture, he’ll get you patched up.”

“I’m sorry,” She sounds so miserable that Thire wants to bundle her up in a blanket and hide her from the world. But that won’t help, so he pushes the instinct to the side.

“You don’t have to apologize, sweetheart.” He grabs the shirt he was wearing earlier that day and pulls it over his head, not bothering to fasten the collar and letting it hang open.

It’s not regulation, but honestly, fuck regulation.

“I woke you up, and I’m being such a bother—” 

Thire stares at her, and his heart sinks. How had he not seen this? His Sarad has always been so bright and warm and confident, and the woman standing before him doesn’t resemble her at all.

Was this Corr’s doing too?

Thire’s not stupid, he knows that abusers tend to start with mentally and emotionally breaking down their victims before turning physical. He just doesn’t understand how he didn’t see what was happening to her.

What kind of awful friend is he?

He reaches out and lightly presses a hand against her cheek, “I wasn’t asleep, and you could never bother me.”

“But…he said—”

“Corr couldn’t say ‘good morning’ without lying twice,” Thire interjects, “You’re not bothering me, and I’m glad that you trust me enough to come to me when you’re in trouble.”

Some of the distress fades from her face, and Thire feels a surge of relief. The last thing he wants is for his Sarad to feel like she’s a burden on him. Carefully, to not jostle her injured arm, he drapes an arm around her shoulder and guides her down to the infirmary.

Honestly, he plans to give her to Suture and then go and deal with Corr, but when she wraps her uninjured hand around the hem of his shirt, Thire changes the plan immediately.

Corr can wait, his Sarad can’t.

Several bacta treatments and a cast later, his Sarad is asleep on a hospital bed, clutching Thire’s hand close to her face. Clinging to him as if she’s afraid that he might vanish if she doesn’t.

Thire gently works the elastic out of her hair and sets it on the side table, before he uses his fingers to comb through the knots in her hair. He can tell by how it feels that she hasn’t washed it in a while, another thing he can lay at Corr’s feet, he’s sure.

“How is she? Really?” Thire asks as Suture steps back into the room.

Suture sighs, “Her injuries aren’t life-threatening,” He pauses and then shakes his head, “but they will hurt for a while.”

Thire hums his understanding, still combing his fingers through her hair.

He can feel Suture’s gaze on the back of his head, “Fox is never going to allow her to stay in the barracks.”

“Fox can get fucked, I’m not letting her go home until I’m sure she’s safe.”

“And I knew you were going to reply like that,” Suture sighs, “How do you intend to make her safe?”

Thire finally pulls his gaze from his sleeping Sarad to stare at his brother, “How do you think?”

“Talk to Fox before you do something stupid and get yourself decommissioned. You’re girl there will be a mess without you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Thire turns his attention back toward his Sarad and gently smooths her hair back, “Do you think I have a chance with her, Suture?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.” Suture drags a chair over and shoves it at him, “Here, get some rest.”

Gratefully, he sinks into the seat and lays his head on the bed. 

Finally, the feeling of dread has faded and he’s able to drift to sleep.

The following morning, Thire wakes with a start when he feels hesitant fingers carding through his curls. He turns his head and offers his Sarad the smallest of smiles.

The bruises look painful now that she’s had some rest, but he understands why Suture didn’t use bacta to patch up her bruises. It’s the same reason she’s wearing a cast…the Guard just doesn’t have much bacta to spare.

“How are you feeling?” Thire asks as he slowly sits up and slides the chair closer to the bed.

“A little sore…and a lot stupid.”

He gently cradles her face with his hands, “Why stupid, sweetheart?”

“...I should have known that he wasn’t as nice as he acted.” She closes her eyes as she leans into his touch.

“You couldn’t have known. I bet he hid his real personality from you.” Thire lightly strokes her cheek, careful to not add too much pressure, “At least he showed his true colors before you moved in together.”

Her smile is slightly bitter, “Yeah, I guess.”

Thire lightly taps the tip of her nose, “Hey. He’s never going to hurt you again.”

“You gonna arrest him for assault?”

Thire just grins, “Don’t you worry about that, sweetheart. All you have to worry about is healing.”

“I suppose I can do that.” She settles back on the pillow, watching him through tired eyes, “I’m sorry that I ruined the plans for today.”

“You didn’t ruin anything. I get to spend the day with you either way, though I will admit that this isn’t the venue I was expecting.” Thire teases, “Don’t worry so much, sweetheart.”

“Can’t help it,” 

“I know, that’s okay.” He lightly presses his lips against her forehead, and she relaxes under his gentle touch. Honestly, Thire is just glad that she doesn’t seem to be afraid of him.

“Why are you being so good to me, Thire?” She murmurs.

“Silly question, sweetheart. I love you, how could I be anything else.”

She leans back and blinks at him, “What?”

Thire grins, unrepentant, “I said what I said. I have to go and tell Fox you’re crashing here for a bit. Be nice to Suture.”

“Wait—”

Thire leans in and brushes his lips against the corner of her lips, “Later, sweetheart. I have work to do. I’ll see you at lunch. Promise.” He squeezes her hand gently, and then he leaves.

Now that his Sarad knows how he feels about her, he can deal with this Corr situation. After he runs it by Fox.

Thire and his Sarad finally manage to have this important conversation three days after Corr’s body is found in the drug den.

She tells him that she’s not ready for another relationship, not so soon as her last one imploding so fantastically. But she asks if he’d be willing to wait for her to be ready.

Thire’s answer is simple, he’d wait forever.

@imabeautifulbutterfly

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[kelseytheballerina]

Heyy so Starting by being straight up and admitting that envy is an ugly habit I have. I see people who grew up with money living their best life and I get hurt and mad because I'm working my ass off just trying to get by, or I see an attractive woman and feel like crap. Its something I'm recognizing as a problem and I want to stop. I saw a post where you said something about being inspired and motivated by women who are better off/more successful/prettier/etc instead of comparing and getting jealous. How do you actually put that into practice and acheive that mindset?

totally, so basically I would just look at it as inspiration and proof of an outcome. a lot of our desires can be based on theory. the possibility of having this or going there or excelling in this way. but we don’t technically know if we could pull it off or if it’s ever been done before with a specific set of conditions, so our goals and desires are just a theory. for example, maybe you desire to be a mom-model-actress-ceo under 25 and you see a woman literally become just that. I wouldn’t be like “grrrr how dare she have what I want” I would be happy that I now have proof that what I want is in the realm of possibility and there is a path that has been laid out should I choose to use hers as a blueprint. people will likely be more accepting of me doing the same thing since there’s already been someone who has come before me and been successful. plus, now you could have a potential peer who becomes a potential friend when you are in the same circle. when it comes to beauty, there’s so many girls out there being unapologetically into beauty care so now people won’t be weirded out when I start showing up with nails and hair and cute clothes because they have helped break down the taboo. so it’s more of an appreciation for them trailblazing a path or showing time and time again that something is possible and here’s what it looks like for a 35 year old and a 60 year old and a 19 year old and a white American and a black American and a Nigerian Brit and so on and so forth. it’s inspirational data.

it’s like, I now know I’m not crazy and my aspirations are attainable at least to a degree (factoring in variables like where you’re born and parents you’re born to, etc) so all I have to do is stay on track and I’ll be there too some day. when I’m studying over and over and wondering if this is even real and then I see a classmate got an A, I feel better knowing that I’m not screaming into the void and that the outcome I seek is actually a reality. I no longer feel like I’m rowing in open water of uncharted territory. this land has been conquered before and that’s great! so maybe I won’t get skin exactly like hers but I’ll get close. maybe I won’t get her salary at the same age she did but even if I have to work an extra 5 years I’ll be glad I was inspired by her to keep going. maybe you didn’t consider the possibility of having certain things until you saw that woman with it and now your mindset has been expanded to have more out of life.

I feel like when you’re envious, there’s a part of you deep down that will secretly wish for someone’s downfall, even if you’re friends with them because it’s a “me vs you and there can only be one” mentality. which means you’ll be likely to think everyone else is secretly out to get you too or the world is conspiring against you when it’s nothing of the sort. but when you have an “I’m happy for you and patiently waiting my turn” mentality, you’re more likely to see the blessings happening to you in action, you’re more likely to be a positive person around such women and they’d more likely want to be around you and help you come up with them rather than feeling some sort of repressed hater energy.

I always just remember that none of us are on the same timeline and not everyone peaks at the same age. some are late bloomers, some have more barriers in the way, but that just means you will end up being someone else’s inspiration one day when they find interest in your variables and outcome. let your journey be what it will be and keep your mind open to the wisdom you’re collecting along the way. if it took you 3 years to clear your skin up, you’ll have waaaay more insight on the topic than someone who’s only ever experienced the occasional breakout and let’s say you wanted to turn that into a skincare YouTube channel or something, you’d have more success than someone with nothing to say. what I mean by that is, sometimes the ones with the long journeys that feel unfavorable in the moment end up blooming into an unforeseen opportunity in the future.

envy is never worth it. it just makes the journey more miserable than it needs to be and pushes people away.

[reality-detective]

Let’s talk about love…

I often write about love in the overarching sense of the word, that is, the all encompassing energy with which this universe was created. But today I want to talk about ‘romantic love’, the one we more often speak about, the one that can make us feel on top of the world or at the bottom of a pit! Yeah that one…🙄

I’ve had my share of heartache in life and I have also been a shoulder to cry on for many friends going through breakups and divorce. In hindsight, I can only say, that as painful as breakups are, they are also the greatest chance to gain real wisdom about ourselves and those around us.

People often jump into the next relationship as fast as they can, just like you would take a painkiller for a headache, but I think this is often a mistake, for you end up missing the many valuable lessons that life was trying to teach you. Which means they will come back again! 🤪

Time is the only healthy form of healing, it is also the only way to gain the necessary perspective to identify the lessons you were meant to learn.

‘Painkillers’ never get to the root of the problem, they simply numb the pain and hide the underlying issue, so don’t rush into the next romantic affair, instead take the time to reflect on things.

Healing from a broken heart is no easy feat, it can take a very long time and in some cases people never truly heal.

I have pondered many times on this matter, which has led me to question; what is it that we fall in love with, that makes it so hard to overcome?

Understanding how we are mainly driven by ego, rather than spirit, made me realise, that it’s in fact the ego that makes healing from a breakup so difficult.

Do we fall in love with the person? Or with how the person made us feel about ourselves? 🤔

In other words, are most romantic relationships a means of feeding the ego? He loves me, therefore I’m worthy? I am enough?

I’m not suggesting, by any means, that that’s all that romantic relationships are, but I do believe that a lot of the pain derived from separation, is the ego hurting from seemingly being rejected.

I have seen friends cry desperately for guys that were not worth considering for two seconds, which made me realise they were not crying for the loss of an excellent human being, they were crying from the feeling of rejection.

When you base your worth on external acceptance and recognition, instead of internal knowing, you risk suffering needlessly for people that didn’t deserve you in the first place.

So if you find yourself unable to get over a broken relationship, ask yourself who’s crying; is it your ego that is still licking its wounds? Or did you really walk away from an exceptional human being? (If it’s the latter, then you better recognise your mistakes and do something about it!)

But if it’s your ego performing a self-pitty show, try to step out of it and take an introspective journey until you see that you were always whole, that you don’t need someone else to complete you and that your happiness is in your hands, it’s your responsibility and nobody else’s.

True love can only come to you when you don’t expect it to do things it’s not meant to do. A true romantic relationship is made up of two ‘whole’ people that wish to share their ‘wholeness’ with each other, rather than complete one another.

Don’t let your ego run amok with your emotional well being, take the reigns, put it in it’s place and move forward.

- Laura Aboli

[rosypenguins]

Day Five of Freakblr Month! Something I like/dislike about Jake!

To start off, something I like: I absolutely adore his struggle between choosing the Music Club, and the Dromies.

Now, I’m gonna start this off saying that I’ve BEEN in Jake’s exact situation of having to choose between friend groups multiple times in my life. (People-pleasing tendencies be damned.) And honestly, this is genuinely, unironically one of the best portrayals of that I’ve found in media. (And it’s a Gacha of all things.)

But seriously, I adore the way his character arc was written, and how he struggles to keep both sides happy. The lying, and the struggle to remain loyal to both sides (which only in turn makes him loyal to no-one) hits so hard as someone who’s been through this.

He constantly shoves his own thoughts and problems to the side. He ignores his own desires in favor of pleasing those around him. And the line where he expresses how he wishes he was someone else, is honestly so real and genuinely hurts to hear.

Like, the scene in episode 7 puts it so damn well. I cannot express it enough. How he feels he almost owes it to Drew and the Dromies to stay by their side, and how he still cares about them despite how much their words and actions hurt those he cares for, and him.

He’s never shown to care about his own feelings, he only cares about making everyone else happy, which is why it feels to rewarding to see him finally figure out and fight for what he wants. And to see him finally reveal the truth, despite knowing how much it’ll hurt his old friends. He no longer lies to please others. He finally learns to tell the truth. The painful, ugly truth, that finally sets him free.

He’s a flawed protagonists, but he’s trying. And seeing him grow throughout the show is genuinely so rewarding, and watching him find a group that finally accepts him for who he is just…

This image is how I feel. Unironically. I love Jake so much.

*+*+*

Now, for something I dislike: I hate; with a burning passion; how Jake handled the fact Zoey was cheating on Drew.

Now before I get into this, I’m just gonna say that I don’t think this is a flaw of Jake’s character. I think this is more a writing flaw, considering Jake is shown to care about Drew in every other instance, except for this one. To recap the situation: Jake found out Zoey was cheating on Drew, and instead of telling Drew, his literal best friend about this, he chooses to keep it secret, using it as blackmail to protect a girl he’d known for two days.

I’m sorry… WHAT?! EXCUSE ME?!?! You’re BEST FRIEND IS BEING CHEATED ON AND ALL YOUR ASS IS CONCERNED WITH IS THIS GIRL WHO YOU MET A DAY AGO??? Like I understand Jake’s a people pleaser, but JAKE THAT’S YOUR BEST FRIEND??? YOUR BEST FRIEND WHO TOOK YOU IN AS A FRESHMAN AND GAVE YOU A PLACE TO BELONG?!?! YOUR BEST FRIEND WHO GENUINELY CARES ABOUT YOU AND WANTS TO PROTECT YOU?!?!!

It genuinely makes no sense, especially considering it IS IMPLIED Jake cares about Drew, yet his actions here scream otherwise.

And I know that Jake’s not the only one in Jake’s friend group who lied. Everyone did. (RIP Drew.) But I feel like their reasons for lying were a little more understandable.

Like, Henry and Liam were clearly being threatened into keeping their mouths shut, and Lia’s Zoey’s best friend. Lia had to keep quiet or risks losing her popularity and reputation, which she got because of Zoey. But Jake isn’t being threatened at all. He’s the one threatening Zoey.

Not only that, but when Jake DOES finally tell Drew, he weaponizes it. He KNOWS that he’s going to hurt Drew by telling him this and THAT’S why he does it. Not because Drew deserves to know, but because he’s using the truth as a weapon. He uses it AS A WEAPON TO ATTACK DREW FOR SOMETHING HE DIDN’T EVEN DO?!?!

It’s genuinely so fucked up and so out of character for Jake to do. Like, I understand he’s upset but this is just downright shallow and petty. And not at all fair to Drew, who has only been trying to help Jake in his own twisted possessive way.

And does he go back and apologize once he finds out Lia’s the one who leaked the recording? NO! Does he express any sort of guilt or remorse? NO!! IT’S SO FUCKING SHITTY!! And also completely illogical, which is why I think this was more of a writing flaw than anything. It was something to give the climax more drama I guess, but there are other ways to do that without taking Jake out of character.

TLDR: I like Jake’s character development. I hate how he covers up Zoey’s cheating only to weaponize it just to hurt Drew.

@31days-of-freakblr

[sgiandubh]

I’m reading the new Clanlands book. I was hoping it would be a fun read like the first one, no narrative. I’ve now read two different passages in the book where Sam talks about running into a woman he finds attractive whether it’s a hotel patron, hotel staff, or shop worker, including this passage about Valentines Day. He hoped to ask the woman making his smoothie on a date and instead ended up alone in his hotel room on Valentine’s Day dreaming about a romantic night in his hotel room with the fantasy date that never came to fruition.

I wish for once we shippers could get a win instead of taking one step forward and two steps back if you know what I mean. It’s hard to hold out hope of Sam and Cait ever coming out publicly when there’s interviews and books filled with the narrative.

Dear Valentine's Day Anon,

You start with a lie. You are not reading that book. You have read someone else's (dutiful Marple, as always, all hands on deck) choice of salacious/commercial/crappy sentimental passages of a 150 to 200 pages book chock-a-block full with other things. You, therefore, have an F- from me for laziness and naïveté. When you speak about a text, any text (and this, Anon, scarcely is literature), please be honest with yourself and wait until the end. The same way you should never judge a book by its cover, do not judge a book by some excerpts someone picked up in order to show you how desperate the author is to sell it.

Reading is a personal affair. Buy the book. Read it all. And then you'll be qualified to have a grounded opinion. I am not in a hurry to read it and I certainly had no hopes he would give us a single ounce of his reality or truth in a commercial companion to a TV show, as this book clearly is.

Then, there's also that: it is a ghostwritten book and not a very good one. Travel books are also always rife with false self-references and I hope, for one, you do not believe there is anything remotely objective in Marco Polo's Book of the Marvels of the World (some say he never got where he told all the Western World he did!). And if Marco Polo himself lied shamelessly, why wouldn't SRH do exactly the same, for the needs of a scantily cobbled show where he is playing the decoratively fit clown along his older, wiser, nerdy companion?

I was shown the reactions to those dutifully poisonous posts. A mob, cackling and the host gleefully throwing gasoline on that fire (but oh, no: she is not a hater - my foot she isn't). The only comment that truly broke my heart, Anon, is this one:

What a terrible person must the woman who wrote that be! What a horrible, empty life she must have! Please, for the name of everything holy, leave Chrissie Heughan out of your putrid pettiness! She raised her boys by herself and with very little. Whoever wrote this comment should really, really be ashamed of herself. She can even say whatever she wants about SRH, but she should leave his family out of her hatred. Not a single woman in that thread corrected or challenged her. Not. A. Single. One.

You also tell me you are tired with the tango. I also think no real shipper could fall, by now, for these tired tricks. And if you do believe the interviews and books more than they should be, you are the perfect fodder for those interviews and books that can and should be questioned, as anything else in this strange story is critically questioned every single day.

So you see, Anon, I will perhaps be interested in your grounded opinion the day you will come back after reading the whole book, not Marple's Reader Digest version. If anything, your uninformed, gluttonous curiosity backfired. Unless you came here to spread the holy shite on this doorknob, too. But that is your problem, Anon. Not mine.