#see my post about Ian’s other relationships for more info about that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yukidragon · 2 years

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So what if got there shit together and start slapping Ian? I saw that you have Reblog my gif/animation and have me wonder if your MC, Alice would do the same thing?

Hmm... no, I don’t think so. Alice is pretty reluctant to hurt anyone. She’s a very empathetic person. She hates seeing other people suffering, so she’ll even go out of her way to help a stranger. She mostly is able to stand up to someone if it’s in defense of someone she cares about or because she’s backed into a corner. It would be especially hard for her to hurt someone she loves like Ian, even though he hurt her so badly.

In fact, Ian is one of the people Alice would have the hardest time hurting.

That was one of the core issues in their relationship that led to it getting so toxic, sadly. The cheating was just a breaking point that ultimately forced Alice to realize that.

Their relationship started healthy enough. They were two kids rejected by their peers who needed a friend, and they found each other. Alice initiated things through the use of Honey Bunny. She came across young Ian when he was crying off on his own after some classmates picked on him in the first grade and cheered him up by talking to him through her puppet.

Ian is a very apologetic person. He feels a lot of guilt, which seems to stem from his mother’s control and her weaponizing religion against him. He grew up in a toxic household, and outside of that house, his peers bullied him. He was insulted just for being himself, whether it be for his looks or his desires.

Let’s move the rest of the post underneath a cut here, since I’m going to be talking about the effects of bullying, abusive home lives, weaponized religious guilt, and toxic co-dependent relationships. Also as a reminder, a lot of these are my current headcanons for how the timeline went, though I do use info mentioned in the demo and other official sources.

Alice, being an empathetic person, felt sorry for Ian suffering so much. She stood up for him when she could. As they got closer as friends, she grew to care about him more and more. She also learned more of just how hard things were for him as they got closer. She helped him have a childhood and be able to do things like a normal kid despite the bullying they both suffered and the suffocating home life he lived.

Unfortunately, as the years went on, those issues with his mother wore down on Ian. He had to hide things, or risk getting them thrown out or destroyed, along with a lecture of how sinful he was, how he was risking burning in hell, and other such punishments. He had to apologize for doing everything wrong in his mother’s eyes, real or imagined... and making him feel guilty for everything all the time solidified her control over him.

This abuse was done in private, where others wouldn’t see it happen. That’s why Alice could stand up to her. Ian’s mother cared about her reputation a lot, and it would be even harder to squash a normal request like a sleepover if, say, Alice’s parents were over at the time.

Alice couldn’t stop Ian’s mother from abusing him privately in his home, and a lot of what happened to him were things she only managed to coax him into confessing to her over time. He hid a lot of his abuse because he was shamed into thinking he was the one at fault, not his mother. In many ways, it was normalized in his mind, for him to be wrong and guilty... always falling short of expectations.

Ian’s first go to whenever someone was upset around him and he thought there was even just a chance he caused it was to apologize. He never meant to upset anyone, but he always seemed to wind up doing so. His mother certainly drilled his faults and failings into him enough that it seemed only natural. The dislike and mockery his peers had for him only solidified this world view. His self-esteem was in the gutter, and he had very few people who cared enough about him to help him out.

If Ian made a mistake, he would apologize. If it was a big mistake he would even cry about it. Seeing him cry would break Alice’s heart, and she would comfort him with a hug. If she was the one he apologized to, she would reassure him that either that it wasn’t his fault, or if it was that she forgave him.

Alice forgave Ian for a lot of things over the years.

Alice did find it frustrating that Ian was so apologetic all the time, but the more she saw of him being picked on and the more she learned about his mother, the more she understood why he felt compelled to do so. It made her feel like she was an awful person to get frustrated, like she was kicking a wounded puppy, so she tried her best not to. She didn’t want him to find reasons to feel like he had to apologize around her. She wanted to support him and help him to relax around her, so he could open up and feel truly free to be himself.

Sometimes it worked. When Ian wasn’t struck with guilt, he could be silly and fun. They had a lot in common - they both loved video games, manga, art, and more. They loved creative stories and made beautiful memories together. Most days, they didn’t have to think about how other kids would pick on them or avoid them. They weren’t lonely because they were together.

Alice also had her family to keep her from feeling lonely, which Ian didn’t have. He was an only child, and the sole target of his mom’s control. He was her best friend and those good moments made their friendship feel worth it. It all made her feel all the more compelled to do her best to make him happy, even if the means to do that didn’t necessarily make her happy.

That’s what friends did, right? If they need you, then you’ve got to be there for them no matter what. You have to give 110% of your efforts since that’s what real friendship was like in shows and books. Friends went to all sorts of lengths for each other - even facing dark wizards and saving the world! Alice didn’t do enough for other kids, so that’s why no one else wanted to be her friend. She was awkward and struggled to connect with others, but Ian wanted to spend time with her. He wanted her around and didn’t tease her for being chubby or weird.

Neither of them wanted to ruin this friendship because they were each other’s only friend.

Alice became Ian’s protector. He needed her. He depended on her. She was his hero. He admired her for how much she did for him, and he couldn’t help but develop a crush on her even while they were still in elementary school. She was his knight in shining armor, helping him feel just a little bit better about himself.

If Alice wasn’t around, Ian would have no one else. No one else could ever want him like he was. She was special, unlike him.

Since no one else liked him, Ian wouldn’t like them, he decided. They were weird and mean and not gallant and brave like Alice. That’s why they didn’t get along. It was easier that way to just spend time with her whenever he could, and lose himself in the fantasy of manga and games with husbandos and waifus when he couldn’t.

The more time they spent together, the closer they got. Ian could rely on Alice more and more, and she shouldered it all with a smile. She was happy she could help him. It made her feel like it was worth carrying the weight because she could make him smile and make his cruel and lonely life better. She truly was his hero.

Whenever Alice needed a shoulder to support her, well... Ian would try his best, but he wasn’t like her. He wasn’t strong like her, and he knew it. The world knew it. He failed, because of course he did. He made mistakes so often. He’d fall short in so many ways. That’s why he had to keep constantly apologizing. It hurt so much to fail her, but she was always there to reassure him and say that it was okay whenever he apologized. She accepted him in a way that no one else could. She was just happy he cared and was there for her.

It meant so much to Ian to hear that, to know that he didn’t have to do anything special to keep Alice in his life. He only had to be his apologetic self and she would accept him, always.

It was hard for Alice to deal with things bothering her if they resulted in Ian apologizing and being hurt over it, so she eventually stopped talking to him about the big problems in her life unless she was sure it was something she could make light of. Little problems like school work, that was something that Ian wouldn’t be able to take personally except for maybe apologizing for distracting her, but they could just study together. If the problems were small, they could be brushed aside so he wouldn’t have to feel guilty, and she wouldn’t have to feel like she was making his miserable life worse by making him deal with her problems...

Alice had her family though, so it was fine. She could vent the harsh things to them... to a point. She was the oldest sibling after all. She had to be mature. She had to take care of her younger siblings. She had responsibilities.

Over time, Alice grew into the habit of bottling things up. She needed to be self-reliant. She couldn’t let the people she cared for down. She couldn’t hurt them by making them feel bad about things that were her struggle alone to deal with.

Alice wouldn’t use others as a crutch to support herself. She needed to be stronger than that. She had to in order to take care of the people she loved.

Neither Alice nor Ian had a frame of reference for friendship with their peers besides each other while growing up. They didn’t start really making other friends until college, as they grew out of their awkward phases and really started maturing into adults. Then both their worlds started opening up around them as more people started warming up to them. They got to see other friendships, experience what it was like to be close to other people.

By that point, Alice and Ian were in a romantic relationship. What they had was special. They were in love. So if their friendships with others looked and felt different, well, that was only natural. The relationship between partners was different than platonic friends, of course. New friends were different than friends who grew up together and knew each other most of their lives like they did.

Both Alice and Ian were so used to being unpopular that making multiple new friends and maintaining those friendships was a challenge. Alice kept people at a careful distance, afraid of getting hurt, so she took her time getting close, but Ian craved the attention almost recklessly. He needed that validation, support, and approval that came from his growing popularity.

I just realized I’m probably straying from the main point here. Sorry about that.

What I’m getting at here is that the relationship between Alice and Ian developed into something twisted and unhealthy. It was an unfortunate perfect storm of Alice’s empathetic nature and Ian’s heavy guilt and terrible family life. As their feelings for one another gradually grew, the harder it became for Alice to bear the idea of hurting Ian, even on accident.

The unfortunate thing is that Ian would hurt her more often than Alice would consciously acknowledge, but it was always unintentional. Whether it was a mistake or an accident, he would always, always apologize, sometimes far too much. He would apologize even if there wasn’t anything to apologize for.

Ian was so pitiful, so wounded. He needed her. If Alice wasn’t there, he would have no one.

That’s why Alice tried to forgive Ian for cheating. She didn’t believe he could be capable of it until he confessed. She talked herself out of seeing the warning signs that he was getting interested in other people at his private school, spending too much time with certain people, getting a bit too physically close and almost intimate at times in the stories he would tell and the pictures he would see over social media...

Alice wanted to believe it wasn’t true, it wasn’t his fault. This wasn’t something Ian could do, not really, and especially not to her. There had to be some reason. He loved her. He needed her. He always told her she was special to him, and he was special to her too. He didn’t want anyone else like that because he loved her, because she had done so much for him over the years. They were in love because what they had was special, because she tried so hard for this relationship and gave so much of herself in all the years they’ve been together.

Was Ian drunk? Was he pressured into it? It had to be something like that. It had to. Ian was bullied all throughout their childhood. Anyone could pressure him into just about anything. It couldn’t be his fault. He couldn’t have actually consented. He couldn’t have made the conscious choice to cheat.

But... it wasn’t like that. Ian didn’t blame alcohol or some other substance. He didn’t even blame the affair partner for seducing him. He accepted all fault. Even though he accepted all fault in general, he always told Alice when he was bullied when she asked, when he was pressured into something.

Ian wasn’t forced into anything. He just “lost control.” He didn’t know how they got there. One moment they were hanging out, having fun. The next they were kissing and, and... and he’s just so sorry! He can’t even finish explaining how he got to this point without sobbing, though it was hard for Alice to hear even that much.

Even before this, their relationship was a toxic cycle at that point. Ian did something that hurt Alice, whether it was be rough with sex or he made some other mistake. He would feel awful, cry, and apologize. He would swear he won’t ever do it again and be better...

Ian would try too. He really did try to be better, but sometimes... it was like he lost control of himself. He would be pathetic, giving puppy dog eyes, and just in general get caught up in the rush of the moment and how good it felt. It was just easier to appreciate how much enjoyment he got out of it than to risk hurting him by making him stop, or at least as much as she could tolerate.

The warning signs Alice saw before Ian cheated... they were still there. He couldn’t bring himself to cut off his new friendships. It’s not like they did anything bad. It was all his fault that he cheated. Surely the affair partner thought they broke up or something, but he would correct her! He couldn’t just sleep with that girl and never see her again. That would be using her.

What? She set her social media to in a relationship and tagged Ian as her boyfriend? No, no, that was a misunderstanding! She misunderstood the mistake they made. He’ll talk to her, he promises. He’ll straighten this out. He loves Alice, just Alice. What happened was his fault, and he’s going to fix it. He won’t ever do this again.

And all Alice can think is that Ian promised he would never do this sort of thing in the first place when he left for the school. He vehemently denied any jokes about how couples in a long distance relationship or going off on trips always cheat.

Ian also swore that he could only ever imagine himself having sex with Alice.

Ian was a pushover. He couldn’t let go of his new friends, not after going so long feeling worthless, and especially not now that he did something so unforgivable. It made him even more desperate to cling to all of his relationships. He couldn’t let go of Alice in particular, especially not now that he had real reason to fear that he might lose her forever.

Alice no longer had faith that Ian wouldn’t have another moment of weakness and make another mistake. After all, when it came to sex, he tended to lose control of himself. It happened when they were intimate, and it happened with this affair partner.

Alice spent so many years building Ian up and swallowing her pain to make him happy that the idea of lashing out at him has become something even more painful. It’s easier for her to imagine slapping herself than it is to slap him.

But Ian didn’t need her anymore, Alice realized. She was convenient, and now he had more options, better options than her. He was still clinging to her, afraid to lose her support, but she couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn’t swallow this pain and keep it down so that it wouldn’t hurt him anymore.

For as desperately as Alice tried to forgive Ian, she couldn’t. It was all too much, and she choked on the pain.

It was difficult for Alice to finally accept that what she was doing was so very, very toxic. Fortunately, she had the support of friends like Shaun to show her what healthy friendships looked like and to help her see that what she and Ian had was bad for both of them. Even still, it’s a hard thing to break a toxic cycle.

Realizing that no matter what Alice chose to do would make Ian suffer helped her make the choice that would minimize her suffering at least. For the first time, she had to put herself and her feelings first, for both their sakes.

The break up was messy. Ian cried and begged her not to abandon him. He promised to do anything if she would stay. She tried to get him to see how bad things were, how they were trapped in a toxic cycle, but they just kept going into the same circles of apologies and reassurance that there was nothing wrong with him as a person.

In the end, Alice had to soften the breakup, saying it was just “for now” to give each other space to heal if there was any chance of them still having a future together.

It’s hard though, so hard. Alice loves Ian. She misses him and what they had. All the good moments are gone, tainted. Every thought about him hurts, even just his name. Despite this, despite everything, knowing that her decision is causing him pain leaves her feeling miserable.

At least now Alice is aware that love doesn’t look like this. She understands that what she and Ian have now is toxic. Prioritizing his pain over hers is a habit that she’s trying so desperately hard to break.

That’s why Alice still listens to his messages in her weaker moments. She still feels compelled, like she’s totally abandoning him if she doesn’t. She’s throwing away so many wonderful years of memories and love. She’s throwing him away like trash, destroying him like his mother and the bullies always did if she doesn’t at least keep this thin rope between them, no matter how rotted it is.

The space between them is helping Alice heal... and it’s also helping her come to terms with the fact that she feels better when she doesn’t think about Ian. It was hard at first to sleep in that big bed alone. She wants love and someone to cuddle... someone to tell her that she’s special and loves her more than anyone else... but the notion feels like a lie now.

Ian turned the idea of love into a lie.

The memories of Ian, even the good ones, hurt so badly. All the love they shared, all the nostalgia... it’s like a sweet tasting poison that was slowly killing both of them.

It’s better not to think about Ian. It’s easier to just erase everything to do with him from her mind, forget all about him... but Alice still can’t bring herself to cut that rope. Not yet. But God how she wishes that she could.

So, no, Alice can’t bring herself to slap Ian. It took all her mental fortitude to break up with him and to not waver in that choice. Even now she feels sorry for him, she sympathizes with him, she understands him... He never, ever means to hurt her, and he’s always just so sorry for everything he does wrong...

That’s why she understands now that they can never get back together.

When Alice starts really healing and can fully separate herself from Ian, then she might be able to be harsher with him. Once she stops feeling guilt over “abandoning” him when he “needs” her, as if she’s the one hurting him, then she can finally let herself be angry with him. With help and time to heal, maybe she’ll eventually be able to tell him exactly how much he hurt hurt her and let him go for good.

That isn’t to say Alice can’t be pushed to physical violence in any scenario. She has a gun and knows how to use it. It’s just that Ian might be the person she has the hardest time bringing herself to raise a hand against.

It would take something awfully bad for Alice to actually slap Ian though. Like, say... he played a part in murdering the person who supported her and loved her in a way he never could? Just as a hypothetical example I mean. An unfortunate route to their story. A Bad End if you will.

I mean, gosh, it sure would be a shame if Alice had her broken heart healed enough to enter a relationship with someone who makes her feel happy again... someone she can completely open up her heart to without fear... someone she can depend on just as much as they depended on her... something far healthier, more equal and balanced than what she and Ian shared... only for something unfortunate to happen to that person.

I mean, a relationship like that would certainly show just how toxic and one-sided her relationship with Ian became and how things should have changed and/or ended much sooner before things went past the point of no return like this...

And it would make Alice hurt worse than ever before if Ian wound up destroying that relationship as well.

But that’s purely hypothetical of course. Sunshine in Hell is going to have a happy ending! I’m sure there’ll be no need for Alice to give Ian even so much as a slap in SiH. It’s a story of broken people healing from their scars after all, not some Bad End AU where everything goes horribly, horribly wrong and everything ends in violence, blood, and horror.

Soooo... yeah, don’t expect Alice to smack Ian around with a bouquet of flowers anytime soon. Let’s save that fun and cathartic image for some other MCs like yours, shall we? 😉

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore

#Sunny Day Jack #Something's Wrong With Sunny Day Jack #SunnyDayJack #sdj #swwsdj #Headcanon Ramblings #Ask

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i-want-my-iwtv · 3 years

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I hope the rumours of Louis being a brothel owner aren't true, but if they are I can sort of see why they're going for this route? I mean, with a black Louis they can't have him being a slaver anymore, so maybe they're trying to find something that is also morally reprehensible for him to be.

TL;DR: My kneejerk reaction was to be saddened, and I don’t like that this is starting up, and will continue to fuel, fandom drama. Ultimately, if we want peace, we’ll embrace the fact that the existence of this adaptation doesn’t take away from the existence of the books, and it also doesn't mean we have to acknowledge it.

It makes me wonder whether AMC wants us to make a storm about this. We’ll see...

After all, what makes this adaptation any more important than the graphic novels of the ’90s, the graphic novel Claudia’s Story, movie!IWTV, or movie!QOTD? In fact, many fans here on tumblr consider VC to be a trilogy only!!! and don’t accept the majority of the PUBLISHED CANON so what makes anyone think we have any obligation to swallow this AMC adaptation as some kind of gospel?

I see movie!QOTD as a buffet of ideas carried in an official fanfiction work, and I don’t accept as my headcanon the various things it changed about the books that I didn’t particularly like, such as merging Magnus and Marius (which, IMO, effectively made both characters more morally reprehensible). I accepted the things I did enjoy, like casting a Black/POC actress to play Akasha. I see this AMC adaptation as a buffet of ideas, some can be taken, and some not, it’s just another official fanfiction work.

[Anon, I need to catch other ppl up on the information, too.]

Deadline.com informs us that in the AMC adaptation for Interview with the Vampire, Jacob Anderson has been cast as Louis. I'm not familiar with him, but it looks like he’s a successful actor, from Game of Thrones and other things, he’s also joining Series 13 of Doctor Who. I’ll have to check him out from an acting standpoint!

Aside from his talent as an actor, this is by far the most controversial thing that's happened in VC fandom recently. I've been thinking about this for a few months now, talking about it privately online and offline, still gathering my thoughts. So this post is not engraved in stone, it’s initial thoughts on this.

I’m glad to see ppl talking about it and I’m sure we’ll have more public discussions. I’m trying to discuss it very carefully, but also, this is an entertainment blog, my opinions are mine alone, and I’m not looking for dogpiling on anyone, I have no obligation to respond publicly or privately to anything. Plenty of other ppl have differing opinions on this. So take all of the following with more than a grain of salt, I’m not being salty, I’m providing the links to the little info we’ve seen pulicly, I’m giving my initial thoughts, and I’m also trying to add a little levity because ultimately, again, this is an entertainment blog, and I try to add a little humor to help with such serious topics, humor can help ppl talk about controversial things.

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The casting of a POC/Black actor (I’m sorry I don't know the preferred terminology, let me know if you know what Anderson prefers) confirms at least one part of theilluminerdi articles that stated that Louis’ race will be different from the books. I didn’t post about these before bc I wasn’t sure how reliable theilluminerdi’s sources are (and I'm still not sure), but this was one major aspect that theilluminerdi announced before Deadline did, so now seems to be the right time to share those articles. For now, you can go check them out yourselves rather than have my reposting of the information, trigger warning: mentions of sex workers and race in the changes to the canon story of Interview with the Vampire.

>>>theilluminerdi articles from May 21, 2021 and July 15, 2021:

www.theilluminerdi.com/2021/05/21/interview-with-the-vampire-amc

www.theilluminerdi.com/2021/07/15/interview-with-the-vampire-amc-2

^Meme of Dr. Ian Malcom from Jurassic Park reads: “Your writers were so preoccupied with whether they could that they didn’t stop to think if they should.”

I’m using that meme with a little levity here, clearly an AMC adaptation of vampires in which the producers/writers have chosen to change the race of a main character (arguably the original protagonist of the series) isn’t in the same VICINITY as the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park that broke out of containment and killed visitors to the park, but John Hammond’s intention for the creation of that park was very good, as I assume this race change was intended. Time will tell.

“But with this place, I wanted to show them something that wasn't an illusion. Something that was real, something that they could see and touch. An aim not devoid of merit.”

“Creation is an act of sheer will.”

- John Hammond, Jurassic Park

Race is a more complicated subject than ever, so for AMC to make this bold change, I hope they have POC and Black writers on staff and are handling this very carefully. Even then, no racial group, including POC and Black people, are a hivemind, disagreements are bound to happen in the writing room, whether in good faith or bad. People have different intentions and motives, compromises will probably be made with the story in many ways, we all know how it goes with collaborations; the end product is a shared vision among multiple creators. This could be a potentially controversial adaptation, I don’t know whether they’re aiming for that or not, but with the elements it has so far, it seems to be headed that way.

Here's a comment by "Angellus" on the 5/21 article. It's undeniable that there's going to be the accusation of racism thrown at anyone who has any negative view of this change, regardless of their reasons. I find it unfair and narrow-minded that any negative response is automatically assumed to be coming from a racist point of view. To say that changing Louis' race is unequivocally an improvement fails to take into account how that change has a Domino effect on all of the other parts of the story. Not the least of which is that, if he is still a slaver/slave holder/plantation owner/(insert your preferred term) that adds a whole new racist element to his owning Black/POC people, even though, apparently there were Black/POC plantation owners.

Not the least of which: How will this change impact his relationship with Lestat? Particularly when Lestat has the added issue of being described in those articles as having “mind control abilities” and “insistent that he gets what he wants and when facing rejection,” a terrible combination in terms of consent, even in a relationship of the same race, let alone invoking Caucasian/white dominance over Black/POC people, AND Lestat being the catalyst to Louis’ questioning his sexuality:

Lestat is insistent that he gets what he wants and when facing rejection, petulance can quickly turn to ruthless rage which causes frenzied acts of horrifically brutal violence. Lestat also has mind control abilities. Lestat initially infuriates Louis, but this soon turns to fascination which leads Louis to question his religion and sexuality.

^Screencap reads: "I love how racist everyone is in the damn comments, this doesn’t pervert the story you’re all racist and it’s disgusting. I’m looking forward to it, I hope you keep crying your salty racist tears asswipes."

It makes me question whether Angellus truly believes what they wrote, if this is an ideology, or a troll. I would suggest their use of the term “pervert” is correct though, pervert means: “alter (something) from its original course, meaning, or state to a distortion or corruption of what was first intended.” That’s what this race change does, factually. Although, in this context, “distortion or corruption” carries a negative connotation. It would take a lot to show how this change does not meet the definition or “to pervert,” though.

I hope the rumours of Louis being a brothel owner aren't true

I agree 1,000%, I was hoping that these were just rumors. But, aside from the race change, if this were the only change, I find Louis being a brothel owner to be equivalently morally reprehensible to being a slaver/slave holder/plantation owner/(insert your preferred term). Ideally, they’d change his career to something that doesn’t involve benefiting from the bodies/labor of others in any morally reprehensible manner.

I mean, with a black Louis they can't have him being a slaver anymore, so maybe they're trying to find something that is also morally reprehensible for him to be.

He might still be a slaver. Who knows. Being morally reprehensible as a mortal man didn’t seem to me to be crucial to the story, but they still could have chosen something better. It seems to me like they want a brothel so they can have eye candy for an audience who want to see sex workers, maybe full frontal nudity.

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What also gets my attention is that Anne and Christopher Rice have not yet posted publicly about it, which leads me to believe that this change wasn’t their choice. They take every chance to brag when they’re proud of something, every chance to crowdsource about casting ideas or which VC books Anne’s fans liked best, etc., and in this case, as of Aug. 31, 2021, (and to be fair, maybe I missed it), I haven’t seen either of them post about this on the official VC FB, Anne Rice’s FB, Annerice.com, Christopher Rice’s FB, or christopherricebooks.com. If it had been their choice, I think they would have gladly trumpeted their credit by now, but maybe they’re waiting to do it in a specific venue. Time will tell.

#vampire chronicles #interview with the vampire #louis de pointe du lac #race #racism #tw race #tw racism #tw sex worker #jurassic park #memeything #ian malcolm #anon #ask #anne rice #christopher rice #long post #iwantmyiwtv has opinions #Jacob Anderson #vc casting

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skiller0dani · 4 years

Text

Disobedient | Levi Ackerman

M A S T E R L I S T AOT Masterlist

smut requests info

just started watching attack on titan. Levi is the love of my life (okay so is Eren). also lets say our smol bean Levi is like 5,9″ or maybe 5,10″ instead of 5,2″??? they made him too short in my opinion.

this one is short and sweet, I have other much longer ideas too. It’s just late where I live and I wanted to post something for you guys :) I’m almost to 900 followers. Thank you all so much.

The morning light trickled in through the window, successfully arousing you from your sleep. You snuggled further into the soft sheets you found yourself tucked into, but when your hand reached over and felt nothing but cool sheets beside you, you finally peaked an eye open. You weren’t surprised to see the bed empty next to you, and the door leading to a private office cracked open. You stretched with a yawn and slipped on one of Levi’s dress shirts to cover your bare skin as you stood. The sleeves fell past your hands and the curves of your breasts were on display. You were too lazy to button it shut, so the front was open. You pulled your silk panties up your legs before you stood and slowly made your way to his office. You leaned against the doorway, watching as Levi scribbled strategies on a blank piece of paper, trying to come up with the best formation for the upcoming mission.

“Morning.” Your voice was quiet, unsure. You always felt nervous interrupting him when he was working. Levi says nothing, but he lifts an arm, silently beckoning you to come sit in his lap. Your cheeks darken as you quietly make your way over to him, nervously sliding onto his lap- his gaze never wavering from the papers in front of him. His arm curls around you to reach his desk, almost completely ignoring you. You settled against his chest, your cheek resting on his shoulder. Your relationship with Levi was fairly new, and you honestly were still trying to figure him out. It was obvious he wasn’t outwardly affectionate, he preferred to show you what you meant to him in more subtle ways. You know he cares about you, even if it’s sometimes hard for you to see.

You nibble on the inside of your cheek, your eyes widening when Levi turns his head to look at you. His face remains expressionless but he reaches up and tenderly brushes a piece of hair behind your ear. “Good morning.” His voice is professional, practiced sounding. You brush the tip of your nose against his briefly before he’s turning back to his work. You cuddle into his chest as his left hand drops from the desk to rest on your bare thigh. A soft sigh escapes your lips when his thumb begins to mindlessly draw patterns into your bare skin, and by his lack of reaction you assume the sound escaped his notice. You were thankful your quarters were already close to Levi’s, so it was easy for you to sneak over. Even though you and Levi weren’t trying to hide your relationship, you were still certain that nobody knew. Which in it’s own way, was sort of comforting.

When Levi’s thumb brushed over your thigh again, it was closer to the hem of your panties this time. He definitely noticed.

You shift as casually as you can, trying to put some distance bewteen your core and Levi’s wandering fingers. He needs to focus. You try to slide of his lap, but Levi’s arm curls around you tighter, “I didn’t say you could stand.” His voice is calm, but it brings a flush rising to your cheeks. Last night was the first time you and Levi had slept together, you were still pretty shy around him. You swallowed a lump in your throat, “sorry Captain.” You said instinctively, you were on his squad after all. You hear him hum softly, his eyes still focused on the work in front of him. His left hand had other ideas it would seem.

His palm drifted down your thigh, and his thumb carefully brushed over your aching clit on the outside of your panties. You bite down on your lip, your back pressing to his chest more firmly. Levi leans forward casually, and presses his lips to your neck as you keen back into him. His fingers continue to brush over your clothed slit and tease you until your thighs are trembling and soft whimpers are escaping your lips. “Levi please,” You gasp, your hips wriggling to follow his light touches. Levi merely raises a questioning brow and hums softly against your neck. You feel a wet gush of arousal dampen your panties and Levi does nothing more than tease you. His fingers drag along the hem of your panties, his right hand still scribbling notes on his attack strategy. How can he possibly focus on anything?

This is a stark difference to the lover you had last night, so gentle and full of passion. He continued dragging his fingers lightly over the skin of your inner thighs, you remain teetering on the edge of pleasure and it was absolutely maddening. “L-Levi!” You begged again, tears springing behind your eyes as you attempt to grind into his hand. Finally he turned to look at you, but pulled his hand away to cup your cheeks much to your dismay. “I have to work now, go in the bedroom and wait for me to finish.” Levi instructs, pressing one chaste kiss to your lips before pulling his arms from your body completely. You stand, your core throbbing as you begrudgingly head back into Levi’s bedroom to wait for him to be done. You close the door behind you, groaning in frustration.

You lay back against the bed, Levi’s shirt having been pulled from your body. You felt a soft throbbing in your core and your hands quickly drifted down your stomach. You can’t believe he got you so worked up just to make you wait! Your fingers found your aching clit but your frantic rubbing did nothing to ease the uncomfortable arousal coating your thighs. You need Levi. But he turned you away so he could work on battle strategies. You feel anger bubbling in your chest as you stand, pulling on a pair of your black pants along with Levi’s white dress shirt. Except you button it this time before heading out into the hallway- you need to go for a walk.

The breeze is refreshing as you step outside. You look around the grounds of HQ, seeing new recruits practicing, and some cleaning the stables. You stretch in the morning light, trying to convince yourself that the dull throbbing between your legs will go away any second now. It doesn’t. You decide to go for a small walk anyway, greeting people as they pass by and feeling completely and utterly puzzled by some of the envious looks on other girls faces. You try to ignore them as you continue walking, the subtle pounding between your legs never quite going away. “Good Morning Y/N.” Another scout solider says, Ian. You and Ian joined at the same time a few years ago but you hardly ever spoke.

“Oh, hi.” You greet politely, shifting uncomfortable under his inquisitive gaze. His eyes roll down your body, making you feel as though you need to cover yourself even though you’re fully clothed. He raises a brow, “nice shirt.” He compliments and you blink in confusion.

“It’s just an ordinary dress shirt...”

“It’s Captain Levi’s dress shirt.” Ian adds and all the color drains from your face. How did he know? Does everyone know? Ian chuckles once he notices the horrified expression on your face.

“It has the Captains personal insignia stitched into the collar.” He explains and when you glance at the collar of Levi’s shirt your eyes widen. Sure enough there is an insignia you’ve never seen before stitched in plain sight. You swallow thickly, your cheeks burning hot. Ian takes another step closer to you, backing you into the wall of the building behind you. You glance around, but you see nobody in sight. “You screwing the Captain Y/N?” Ian asks, a dark glint in his eyes as he towers over you. He’s nearly 6,2″. Your brain tried to scramble for an explanation but it kept drawing blanks. “O-of course not!” You stammered in defense, all your hairs standing on end as Ian took another step closer. Your mouth went dry as a sly smile slid onto his face, “maybe if you let me have a taste of that sweet pussy of yours I can help you fix this. Half the HQ has seen you in his shirt by now Y/N.”

“N-No that’s okay Ian, Levi was just lending me a shirt. C-Captain Levi I mean!” You stammered, your entire body shaking as you desperately searched for an exit. Titans you can handle but people? You didn’t want Ian making up some story if you hurt him, you could be executed for treason. Ian takes yet another step closer, leaning down to drag his nose along the nape of your neck. “There better be a damn good explanation for this-” You hear a voice snap. Ian quickly pulls away from you and to your horror, you lock eyes with Levi. His voice trails off as his eyes land on you. A pained expression crosses onto Levi’s face as his eyes flicker between you and Ian briefly before the pain is masked by the emotionless look he usually dons.

“I saw her wearing your shirt Captain! I came to question her about it as I suspect she stole it. In order to silence me, she attempted to kiss me sir.” Ian said, and your jaw dropped. You looked at Levi in horror, and the dark look in his eyes did little to tell you how he was currently feeling. “You, get back to work.” Levi barked at Ian, who quickly scrambled away. You lock eyes with Levi, your body trembling. You feel panic turning in your gut as he takes one slow step towards you. “Do you wanna tell me what the hell I just walked in on?” Levi asks, his voice steady, despite the waves of panic rising in his chest. You weren’t about to cheat on him, he knows you weren’t. You couldn’t have been, there’s an innocent and logical explanation for this, there has to be.

You immediately reach forward to take his hand, “Levi he saw me wearing your shirt and cornered me. H-He tried to blackmail me into having sex with him! I swear nothing happened baby!” You gasp, your cheeks going red at the pet name that accidentally slipped out. Levi merely rose a brow, his expression unreadable. In the next second he’s stepping forward and effectively trapping you against his body and the wall. The throbbing between your legs returns quickly, pounding as Levi’s knee slides in between your legs. “I thought I told you to stay in our bedroom?” Levi hums lowly, and your body heats up. You don’t miss how he says ‘our’ bedroom. “I-I’m sorry Levi.” You squeaked and Levi tutted softly. He gently grinds his knee up into you, causing you to gasp softly.

Levi’s hands are planted on the wall on either side of your head and when he looks up at you, you see the genuine fear in his eyes. The fear that you were about to cheat on him. “I’d never cheat on you Levi.” You say softly, and you see the fear slowly melt out of his gaze. A smirk makes it’s way onto his face before he’s yanking your body against his. “Good girl,” He purrs softly, quickly lifting your body over his shoulder. You squeal in surprise as he carries you back inside, your cheeks blood red at the thought of someone catching Levi carrying you back inside over his shoulder. “You had me worried sweetheart.” Levi says, his voice tense as he turns towards the hallway his bedroom and office is located in.

He pushes the door open, and kicks it shut behind him before dropping you onto the bed. “I just needed to get some work done, then me and my cock were all yours.” You rubbed your thighs together to try and relieve some of the pressure between your legs, but Levi’s heated look continued to send arousal through every nerve ending. “But instead you decided to go get what you needed elsewhere, is that it?” He asks, stalking up the bed towards you, his pupils lust blown. You quickly shook your head as you swallowed thickly, your head resting against the pillows. “Because instead of finding you in here, laid out on the bed and spread wide for me I see you being pressed up against the wall by somebody else.” Levi seethes, jealousy and anger seeping into his tone.

“I-I’m sorry Levi.” You whisper again as he hovers above you.

“I don’t know if you deserve it now.” He muses, his left hand drifting between your bodies and underneath the waistband of your pants. His fingers quickly find your clit and begin to rub circles onto it. You moan wantonly, your back arching up into Levi. “Please Levi, baby please.” You beg shamelessly, your eyes squeezed shut. Levi’s fingers pinch your clit, causing you to cry out as your hands wind around his shoulders. Levi’s right arm winds around your waist as you cry out and writhe underneath him. Quickly he slides 2 fingers into your wet pussy, and you released a high pitched cry as he began to roughly thrust his fingers into you. “Tell me what you want Y/N, tell me what you need.” Levi says, still managing to keep his composure.

“Y-You Captain! I need your cock Levi, please.” You beg, tears springing in your eyes as he continues to thrust his fingers into you. Leave leaned back on his heels as he pulled away from you, his hands reaching down to his belt. Your body buzzed in anticipation as Levi pulled his belt from his pants, his hand reaching in to free his cock. You quickly wriggle out of your pants, your entire body screaming to have his cock inside you right now. You spread your thighs open for him, “are you ready for me?” Levi asks and you frantically nod, wriggling your hips and clenching around nothing. You desperately need to be filled and stretched open with his cock. “Yes Levi, hurry please baby.” Levi bites back a groan upon hearing your desperate pleas for him.

Levi lines himself up with your entrance, gently sliding his head inside you. You still grit your teeth at the stretch as he gently works himself inside your tight heat. “Oh God Levi,” you gasp as you wind your arms around his chest, burying your face into his neck. Levi groans softly upon feeling your tight heat clamp around him and squeeze him tightly, even though he just fucked you open last night, he still forgot how tight you are. Your mouth hangs open as Levi bottoms out, your hands clawing at his back and your teeth gently sinking into his shoulder. Levi pulls his hips back and slides back into you, picking up speed as you moan softly. “Fuck Levi, I would never dream of cheating on you. I can’t live without your cock,” You cry out, and Levi smirks smugly as he continues to drill into you.

Levi reaches down to thumb your clit and as soon as he does you’re coming undone around him, pushing him to his own release. You clamp tightly around him as he thrusts into you, to ride out both of your orgasms. Levi’s forehead rests against yours for a second before he pulls out of you with a wince. Levi presses a long kiss to your forehead before a knock on his office door draws his attention. A smirk slides onto his face as he stands, and tucks himself back into his pants. He gently lays a sheet over you, his heart swelling when he sees you asleep already. Your bare back is still exposed as he heads to his office, being sure to leave the door open. When Levi opens his office door, Ian is stood on the outside.

“You summoned me Captain?” He asks and Levi waves him inside. In an instant, Ian’s eyes land on your half-naked sleeping body, curled on Levi’s bed. “If you ever attempt to force her to do anything again I will personally execute you myself is that understood?” Levi said lowly, a dark look crossing onto his face as he glowers at Ian. Ian nodded quickly, his face pale as he did his best to keep his eyes focused straight ahead at Levi and not at you, sleeping naked in his bed. “Good, now if you don’t mind- I have some other business to attend to.” He says casually, turning back into his bedroom and closing the door to his office behind him.

#levi ackerman #levi ackerman smut #levi smut #levi #captain levi #captain levi smut #attack on titan #aot #levi aot #Smut #angst #aot smut #attack on titan smut

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love-takes-work · 4 years

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Steven Universe: End of an Era: Outline & Review

I wrote this review in October but never got around to posting it here

Steven Universe: End of an Era is far more than an art book–it’s also a collection of behind-the-scenes material, stories about the experience of working on the show, planning documents and associated background info, and both older versions of developed concepts AND concepts that never made it into the show. It's a huge fusion of all those elements, and it's definitely an experience!

Some low-quality images are included with my review just to give you an idea of what’s there--it’s not a good substitute for getting your own copy, but here’s a tour!

Like the previous concept art book, Art and Origins, I'll be giving you a description of the structure and overview, while also collecting notable information for fans. Obviously just about everything is "notable" once again, but I'll aim for unique insight or perspective on the main source material, keeping the screaming about everything new to a minimum so you can also enjoy something for yourself if you pick it up. My low-quality photos should prevent people from feeling like I'm reproducing the book in any capacity. Please grab one while you can and have your own experience!

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

OVERVIEW

The book is titled "End of an Era" for a couple reasons--obviously because it is released after the show has wrapped, but also because Gem history recently ended its "Era 2" and began Era 3--an age of prosperity and peace. The author--the person in charge of adapting all of this information into this slick, readable package--is Chris McDonnell, whose work was previously applied on the Art and Origins book.

The foreword is by N.K. Jemisin, a well-known science fiction author who's a huge fan of the show (and wrote a really excellent series that also has a weird geological connection, by the way).

And the cover, like its predecessor, is shiny and decorated with a beach scene featuring minimalistic characters--this time it's the Gems at night in front of the Temple, and on the back cover is a big pink leg ship in a cross-legged pose.

The interior covers are decorated with tons of amazing sketches of Steven and Connie on the front, and a bunch of Gem sketches on the back. Every interior page that most would leave blank is highlighted with some kind of sketch art or character exercise--it's so much to look at, so much to absorb.

The book is dedicated "For Eddie."

Its organization is different from the previous book in that it shares applicable work in chunks associated with groups of episodes rather than pertaining to different aspects of building the show.

FOREWORD

N.K. Jemisin gives us such a great introduction to the book--apparently understanding very well that the audience of this book is full of animation enthusiasts and adult fans more than it is full of kids, and explaining that bewildering journey some adults had from blowing this show off as a silly kid thing to falling in love with it hard and fast.

The important thing, Jemisin says, is being able to trust a storyteller with your heart. And it was clear to her that Rebecca Sugar knew what she was talking about and was saying important things about identity and the radical power that comes with accepting it and demanding respect.

Important also is how we handle heroes and who gets to be one in fantasy. That's part of the reason Steven Universe speaks to so many--because we see ourselves here, and know stories can be about us. Acknowledging the power we all have to MAKE THINGS BETTER with what we fight for is so important--especially if we're going to speaking to the next generation about it.

Highlighting Rose Quartz as a "born leader" who failed and Steven as a relatable scamp who did what she couldn't, Jemisin asserts that we can save the world.

1. END OF AN ERA

We start with an appeal to the audience to think about identity and the formative parts of our childhood--and how different it is if who you are and who you become is restricted, mocked, erased, or Not Allowed. Most people, if not ALL people, can relate to this, but for those of us with a special relationship with Steven Universe because of queer identity, this hits hard.

But it doesn't have to be anything grand to be something we respect--this show's authenticity comes largely from how personal everything is, drawn from real-life experiences and incidental truths from each artist's perspective, leaning hard on childhood and formative experiences.

Rebecca Sugar offers some interview bits to discuss writing philosophy and why "writing female characters" was difficult for a nonbinary person who'd been socialized as a girl and a woman. Rebecca has spoken before about how frustrating it is that marketing for cartoons was SO gendered when she was growing up (and to some extent still is).

The Gems in the story are all "she/her," but on their planet they're defined by their work, not by emotion or relationships (unlike women in our society), so having them be socialized opposite to how she was and be able to claim those emotions through choice and NOT as just an expectation "as women" was revolutionary. Rebecca wants her show to tell all marginalized people that they don't deserve to be in the margins.

Weighing in on other aspects of the show were Ian Jones-Quartey, Joe Johnston, and Miki Brewster. Ian describes feeling like at first doing SU was a thrill ride that meant they'd finally get to do all the cool stuff, but it quickly became a responsibility that he took very seriously--the need to tell a good story now that he'd been given a megaphone.

Promotional art, planning documents, character sketches, and concept art from the lighthearted to the stone serious is included, along with some very cool (sort of famous) timeline charts that track major characters' developments. It's emphasized by Rebecca that the developmental materials ARE NOT CANON (and especially are not MORE canon) compared the final show.

There are concept sketches alongside final art for Aquamarine and Topaz in "Wanted" (with Topaz labeled "Imperial Topaz"), the Zircons in "The Trial," Blue and Yellow Diamond, and the Off Colors (including Pink Lars).

And there's also a spread of "the two sides of Steven's life: Gem Magic and Rock N Roll" featuring Sadie Killer and the Suspects (referred to as "Buck's band")--as well as a cool "Crew Cameos" key and some concepts for short-haired Connie.

And then there's some more "finished" art with stills alongside concepts, including some background art, revision, and really cool "fairytale" art from some of the shadowplay storytelling bits. We get "Lars of the Stars," "Jungle Moon," and "Can't Go Back."

2. THE BEGINNING OF THE END: A SINGLE PALE ROSE

In discussing the huge reveals and Gem mysteries in the show, the pacing is examined, and emphasis is put on the intended "slow burn." One of the most difficult things in the show was to strategize so that every piece that was needed to support another piece in the future was placed properly to seed what it was supposed to.

Some of the ideas they developed were more of a group effort and were fit together collaboratively (like Amethyst's being younger than the other Gems and Jasper being from Earth), while others were intended from the beginning based on Rebecca's vision (the fundamental idea of Pink Diamond's true identity, for instance, as well as Obsidian's design and sword and our Pearl not being Pink's first).

The writing process gets a great deep dive here, including fun tidbits like how the orb in the moon base was inserted by Joe Johnston and they literally had no idea what it was for when they wrote the episode. They repurposed it when they figured out what they needed.

Rebecca credits her detailed timelines for helping keep the order straight, and discusses how other artists are sometimes flabbergasted that a storyboard-driven show can have this much detail and continuity and yet not get wrecked by the free non-scripted boarding process. But Rebecca and the Crew valued that approach and loved the way fresh eyes would handle an idea, making it come back alive, entertaining, vivid.

Several Crew members weigh in on the writing process. Lauren Hecht refers to making lots of incorrect guesses despite being on the inside. Joe Johnston recalled getting briefed on his first day and getting so excited to start working on this massive project.

Miki Brewster remembered being told Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond and being shocked--and also confused about why Ruby and Sapphire would need to be married if they're already basically married. Drew Green talks about being brought in late and getting to watch unaired episodes and a rough of the movie while eating cereal.

Ian Jones-Quartey complains about Pink Diamond's real jester-like form being leaked to the internet through a Hot Topic shirt. Rebecca piggybacks on that and says it was upsetting that the wedding was leaked because of toy fair keychains featuring Ruby and Sapphire in wedding attire. They'd always be worried about leaks, and sometimes Rebecca struggled not to talk about the reality of Pink Diamond before the reveal because she knew it would make so much more sense once the truth was out. And everything associated with Rose makes more sense once you know she's Pink--especially what happened with Bismuth, considering what we know about how Pink Diamond has a habit of treating anyone who no longer serves her interests.

When it comes to visual cues, Rebecca also talks about intentional designs to create a feeling of unity between concepts, like the flower shapes on Pink Diamond's palanquin lining up with the poofs of Steven's hair and the star imagery of the series. Steven Sugar and Mary Nash discuss how the Human Zoo incorporated this imagery, trying to look like Homeworld with a Pink Diamond touch.

Steven Sugar, as a game nerd, liked to throw in video game references from old and modern stuff to feel like he's inserting what he's enjoying and who he is from moment to moment, while Mary Nash, who related to Sadie as a basement-dwelling young person with cult interests, liked to include stuff from MST3K and cult movies. Pearl's hand gestures get a spotlight too--her reflex to cover her mouth when Pink Diamond was being discussed was analyzed here.

A "Top Secret Visual Timeline" from 2016 is included which tells us some Diamond history. It has an earlier version of Pink Pearl's fate and does not include Spinel since the movie hadn't been greenlit. The timeline includes the birth of the Diamonds, the emergence and major story beats for each major character, and some philosophy of the driving force behind each.

We're told that Pink Diamond straightened up, behavior-wise, after she lost her first Pearl, and that Yellow and Blue wanted to give her a planet but White only agreed to it to prove she would fail at managing a colony. Pearl, meanwhile, is so confused to have a Diamond who keeps asking her what she thinks when she doesn't believe she should have opinions.

And when Pink moonlighted as Rose to start conflict, she found herself leading an army to fight Pink's troops--then Yellow's, and eventually Blue's too. Lapis is said to be waiting for the conflict to end on Earth so she can terraform, but she gets trapped instead.

Pearl's love story with Rose is described as "an endless honeymoon" where she's free to love her, while Rose's is more like "I'm now the head of the family and I'm going to give everyone what they never had, so everyone is super special!"

Jasper is described as "adopted" into Yellow's army as the only successful Beta Quartz. And White Diamond knew that Pink Diamond was not dead--she thought she was just running away from home like a brat and would eventually be back.

3. THE HEART OF THE CRYSTAL GEMS

Now we discuss Rose Quartz--the original Pink Diamond. How she was selfish and selfless, never enough and always too much, and how Greg was her first partner who "challenged her" to be an equal. Rebecca describes Rose as being delighted by the idea that both she and Greg reinvented themselves, but when that leads her to want to share her past, Greg isn't interested--he only wants to know who she is now, and doesn't consider the old her to be her.

Rebecca likes Carl Jung's concept of "enantiodromia," which is the idea that extremes lead to their extreme opposite. This is demonstrated in all of the Diamonds. This narrative is interspersed with drawings of Greg and Rose being cute.

But another "heart" of the Crystal Gems is its relationships--particularly, Garnet, the fairy tale romance embodied. More psychological theories are discussed with regard to differentiation in a relationship making the relationship stronger, and how they made sure that happened for Garnet during the appropriate arc. Rebecca has struggled with the idea that she, like Ruby, went straight from a "family" group to a living-with-others situation and never lived by herself. But she also learned that you can in fact develop as a person in the context of a relationship--you don't have to be alone to do it. Ruby learned that too, and chose on her own terms to be with Sapphire.

The wedding made so much sense to Rebecca and the crew that they couldn't imagine a wholesome couple like Ruby and Sapphire not having a wedding episode. They wanted it for years: The wedding concepts always included the tuxedo for Sapphire and the wedding dress for Ruby.

But pushback (often blamed on the conservative standards of the international market) led to negotiations trying to keep Ruby and Sapphire's relationship from being explicit. Rebecca and the Crew were very tired of this double standard, and they were especially irritated by attempts to claim a wedding wouldn't be well received by a core demographic or wouldn't make sense for Steven's character. But other shows had done weddings and Steven had been established to love weddings already.

Rebecca kept adding more elements to the wedding episode to answer all the concerns, but she didn't want to back down from explicit marriage between these characters. They deserved it. And the audience deserved to see this as wholesome, like any other cartoon wedding. Eventually they got their way and were allowed to have the wedding. But the ordered episodes were also coming to a close without promise of more, so Rebecca had to request more episodes to be able to wrap up the storyline!

And of course, there is Steven, the true heart of the team. A very interesting aside discusses Garnet's leadership and how the network pushed the Crewniverse to acknowledge Steven as the leader. This was successfully resisted throughout as well--because Garnet is the leader (unless she's incapacitated, of course). It's fantastic that this concept was preserved because too often a young male chosen one is elevated above people with more experience and knowledge because of that chosen one tradition, so it's really nice to have a show acknowledge that team leadership is more appropriate for an adult.

4. ERA 3

Beginning with a discussion of the Diamonds, this chapter deconstructs the dysfunctional "family" of the Diamonds (who are said to be based on tropes about evil stepmothers and stepsisters), with the thread of dysfunction originating with White Diamond.

Yellow is physical, Blue is emotional, White is judgmental, and Pink is impulsive. Some philosophy on why Pink is naturally manipulative and why she clashes so much with White is offered.

White believes her identity is to be imposed on all because she is the pinnacle of what should be--and therefore, she has the right to make decisions and statements about and on behalf of everyone. But her secret is that she can't do what the others do--act or feel or want. In trying to be everyone, she is no one.

And this becomes very important when she confronts Steven about his identity and turns out to be wrong. The triumph of Steven being totally, fully himself is a beautiful, simple revelation that's described as far more satisfying than the theories about Pink living inside him or Rose returning from his Gem.

Also discussed is Gem architecture. A lot went into this idea, and Steven Sugar weighs in to say he had to think of what it would mean for a world to have buildings but serve no human needs. That's why it's mostly focused on transport and storage. Even the broken planet is meant to indicate a place stripped for its resources, and everything serves a function that is meant to avoid looking like the human equivalents.

And there's another layer, too: a difference between Era 1 and Era 2. Era 2 became more functional to hide Era 1's broken bits, and older Homeworld buildings still have some "ornate and ancient" feel to them. And the fact that props, tools, and even walls and doors could be living was taken from a concept Rebecca thought was horrible from old Busby Berkeley movies, where people were inanimate objects and it was portrayed as lovely. Tom Herpich helped conceptualize these living objects.

Steven dealing with "princess tropes" is discussed here too. The Pebbles (worked on with Pendleton Ward) were sort of his Cinderella's mice, and all the locked-in-a-tower, having supportive tiny friends help you, getting princess clothes made, attending a ball, having to mind your manners stuff was intentionally related to fairy tales.

The point of doing that (besides fun) was to easily invoke the feeling that Steven was being made to be someone he's not, and that he was being treated like THIS is who he really is when it isn't. White Diamond as the "evil stepmother" is discussed with regard to her detailed features and massive scale. They generally didn't put fingernails and eyelashes on characters (especially not to indicate that they were women or girls!), but they decided White would get all of these feminine markers for tradition's sake.

Rebecca also invokes several other references that were included and describes the princess tropes as "chipping away at his integrity" setting him up for the final challenge with White.

There is again tons of concept art: Homeworld architecture, Pebbles, Diamond diagrams, background Jades and Lemon Jade Fusion, Comby, Diamond extraction chambers, and White Diamond.

5. CHANGE YOUR MIND

Now we finally begin to discuss Steven's identity. The "Perfect Steven," discussed in several interviews before this book's release, was an idea back in 2013; the "ultimate Steven," beefed up and shonen-looking, was far from perfect because OUR Steven is perfect, while this alpha hero Steven idea (used in Steven Universe Future) didn't belong being idolized in such a show.

They thought about having Steven fall apart into organic half and Gem half early in the show (during "Giant Woman" after a successful fusion and unfusion, even!), but they didn't try the concept until the last episode. They didn't want the "Pink" Steven to be portrayed as "better" even though he would be more powerful, so they decided he isn't whole without his organic self and he's just as much of a shell as the organic half. They absolutely did not want any ending that required Rose to be inside him or waiting to come back. But the debates were fierce--what DOES it mean to have Rose's Gem?

Ian Jones-Quartey brings in an anecdote about his own family to emphasize some of the immigrant themes that inspired aspects of the show. He had a brother who reinvented himself elsewhere away from family without resolving issues, and all the ramifications of that were explored in the show through Rose Quartz. (He is careful to say he doesn't think his immigrant experience is like being from another planet!) But he did say you can hurt your old family even if they were toxic or didn't know the real you, and you can hurt your new family by hiding your past. The Pizza family of course was also a more direct reference to Ian's Ghanaian family.

In talking about the new Fusions from this episode, Sunstone is largely described by Miki, who also got to board the Sunstone section. Sunstone was described as a cool 1990s character and the evolution just continued into making them a fourth-wall-breaking PSA dispenser. Obsidian is also discussed, with their sword being an early concept. Steven Sugar said they totally knew it would be forged in action. Obsidian being similar to the Temple design is of course another very early detail.

The story of how James Baxter got involved with one of the final scenes (Organic Steven and Pink Steven fusing in front of White Diamond) was shared. His family was fans of the show and Rebecca Sugar took the time to drive to a birthday party for his daughter and give her a drawing. He then owed her a favor, and this was it.

Concept art is again included, this time with sample boards, promo images, a Diamond fight concept, costume design changes for the Gems, new Fusions, the so-called "Mega Diamond" ship conglomerate, some scenes from the White Diamond confrontation, Pink Steven, multiple pages of James Baxter animation, corrupted Gems and their healed selves, and photos from the "Change Your Mind" premiere and some awards. The show has won one design-related Emmy, a Peabody Award, and a GLAAD award.

6. STEVEN UNIVERSE FUTURE

The book doesn't cover the movie because it got its own book, but dives right into Future. Ian Jones-Quartey emphasizes that the movie and Future are separate and different from the original show, which ENDED. After all, after that, Steven has a neck!

Some new names are invoked now: new writers Kate Tsang, Jack Pendarvis, and Taneka Stotts. They were excited to have Steven make HIS OWN mistakes instead of trying to clean up someone else's! Now, instead of doing the usual shonen anime thing and having the final battle be a big physical rumble, Steven has to make peace with himself and take an active role in coping with what all the fighting has done to him and what effect it's had on who he is (and who he wants to be). There is no sudden "I love myself!" answer, either. It's always a process.

Drew Green and Maya Petersen, who came on board as storyboarders officially in Future, also weighed in on writing for a "mature" show, how to deal with Steven being a "moral compass" while being sort of unreliable, and what they learned as Crew that they didn't know as fans. Drew didn't know Garnet never asks questions. Jack didn't realize the show never deviated from Steven's point of view. Taneka was nervous but excited to collaborate. Kate was worried about how established the show was and what to do as a new writer to contribute appropriately.

Maya was on the old Crew but not as a storyboarder, so felt like some of the "old" ideas ended up not being appropriate for the "new" Future in an embarrassing way--and dreaded the idea of dealing with Steven's emotional problems when they were similar to stuff she'd been through. She also was personally behind the idea of Steven wanting to dump his problems by becoming Stevonnie, and got to work with Etienne Guignard on inventing the Pearl creation backstory with Volleyball.

There's some discussion of "depression hobbies," stress, and the show's pacing. And they say Etienne was entertaining at pitches. There's even some discussion of how Greg is taken off a bit of a pedestal because his terrible restrictive life in the suburbs sounded wholesome to Steven and Greg presented it negatively.

And then there is some information about how the Crew felt behind the scenes due to fan reactions and negative press. Ian discusses feeling offended when the Black characters are described as bad examples, as if their cartoonized but realistic-in-context features are automatically caricatures.

Rebecca Sugar felt beaten down by some of these narratives and began to access mental health services, inspiring some of the content of "Mindful Education." A long reflection from Rebecca discusses people's infighting about her show and what she had a responsibility to show or not show in the story. She learned a lot about bullying from Cartoon Network's anti-bullying program and learned that bullies thrive on whatever attention you give them--unless it is made clear to them by a peer group that no one is impressed by their cruel actions. Also, not all negative feedback is bullying. Constructive criticism is different. Self-awareness can help you avoid internalizing what bullies might do or say to you.

Segueing from the discussion of how people are affected by and connect with the show, we then discuss how they chose as a team what should be covered as the show came to a close. They didn't have time to do quite a few stories they wanted time for, like a Rhodonite story, a Lars side story, and Diamond "prehistory" and religion; all of it was put aside for the main arc with Steven.

They thought people would find those stories about Homeworld and Off Color history very interesting, but so much of the show had been about Steven's Gem adventures, so keeping him mostly on Earth seemed appropriate. The acknowledgment of his battle damage, of his trauma, was necessary and real, and helpful in an important way to the core audience.

Oh, and there was some stuff about a cheeseburger tree. Don't ask.

In discussing the "reverse escapism" of the original show (Gem aliens are intrigued by everyday human culture, and realism is necessary), Rebecca says her views have changed on escapism and gets why some people want a soothing feel-better show. She acknowledged also that her own escapist dreams-come-true fulfilled in the show didn't feel like escapism because they were givens to the majority of mainstream culture, but were never guaranteed to marginalized people.

Rebecca ties in her several-times-told story about "Love Like You" and how the middle bit was when she didn't feel she was worth looking up to, and the realizations she had to tie the beginning to the end. Feeling like someone will like you less if they know you more is terrible. So sometimes a show like this can be helpful in telling people that they belong when their fantasies are things like "I want to be loved" and "I want to know I exist."

In Future, Steven has to connect to who he is and love that person--and understand that person enough to finally feel that even if he's not fixing their problems or saving their world right this second, Steven deserves his family's love and support, and they WANT to give it to him.

There's a huge amount of supplemental material in this section so there's no way I could name it all. The charts for Future's timeline are pretty straightforward, though a few episodes like "A Very Special Episode," "Why So Blue," "In Dreams," and "Bismuth Casual" aren't specifically represented and a couple are in a different order ("Prickly Pair" was conceived as happening after "Fragments" and "Homeworld Bound").

Steven feeling like a monster, having intrusive thoughts, having not forgiven the Diamonds, and getting help/moving on--it's all there.

We have keys, color scripts, and boards for the new opening and some various backgrounds and storyboard art from episodes. Model sheets for Shep, Nice Lapis and Mean Lapis, Jasper, Steven Tag Gems, Pink Steven Powers, Monster Steven. New house concepts, Era 3 Homeworld concept art for the Diamond environments, and background art for the Reef.

New Connie and Greg designs. Concepts for Mega Pearl, the Rose Quartzes, Bluebird, and Morganite (who didn't get used). And there are some photos from recording and the conference room. There are even some extras from "Crossover Nexus," the crossover with OK K.O.!--including an unused cut scene that included Ruby and Sapphire fighting. The rest of the book is a bunch of adorable Crewniverse art--extras, blog drawings, promos, and gifts to each other.

NOTABLE

The first timeline chart in the book features a cool sketch of the original Off Colors, which at the time this planning document was drafted included unused Off Colors Flint and Chert.

We knew of their existence already because of an episode of the podcast, but these two unexpectedly appeared as incidental characters in the Steven Universe Future episode "Homeworld Bound," identified only in the credits. Sad to think that instead of banding with the Off Colors, these two were probably shattered for their crime (being Quartzes who don't want to fight) and that's why we see them being repaired in this episode. Later, there's some brainstorming for types of Off Colors and "a Ruby that wants to wear limb enhancers" is mentioned as well.

It looks like there was also originally more juice to the story of tracking down the events of the war culminating in Pink Diamond's assassination.

One of the timelines talks about Steven thinking it makes sense that Pearl can't talk about her involvement because she might have been a double agent, explaining why Rose Quartz always knew what Pink Diamond was doing. It seems like that bit was supposed to be included in Garnet's version of the story she believed in "Your Mother and Mine." Seems like they originally conceived Garnet's story to inspire the Off Colors to become pirates and freedom fighters, though in the show's canon this storytelling happened after Lars had already reinvented himself the way he did.

Sadie was also supposed to be sending letters to Lars via Steven, which is funny since the "Letters to Lars" episode is just a montage Steven letter. And of course it's specified that Steven was supposed to get Pink Diamond flashbacks by going to the Palace on Homeworld.

The second chart in the book makes references to Sadie's reinvention of herself as a parallel to Lars, Greg, and Pink Diamond all doing the same thing, and how positive it is to embrace such a thing--a version of yourself that YOU create.

I love that Yellow Diamond's arm ship arm-wrestling the Cluster was always part of the plan.

There's some more explicit direction to have Connie help Steven understand the Diamonds as "strict parents," and a lot more emphasis on everyone realizing Rose had been inspired by THEM rather than them all following her.

White Diamond is presented here as if she thinks of Pink Diamond as a "daughter" (whom she now understands she has "lost"). There are notes on how the Diamonds have a responsibility to their children and should attend to it before just continuing to make more.

One of the concept art images for the Off Colors features Rhodonite crouching by Padparadscha saying "Don't worry, I won't let them hurt you." It's very interesting because she DOES seem to protect Padparadscha in the show, but doesn't seem confident about it in her final version, even though it does seem like she'd be "programmed" to guard aristocratic Gems because of her Ruby and Pearl makeup. Cool.

A "Crew Cameos" spread was included, which is of great interest to some of us who loved seeing the Crew insert themselves into the show. Not every SU Crew person who's been represented in a crowd was there, but this crowd included Amish Kumar, Kat Morris, Amanda Winterstein, Angie Wang, Lamar Abrams, Emily Walus, Mary Nash, Joe Johnston, Christy Cohen, Danny Cragg, Hilary Florido, Danny Hynes, Matt Burnett, Ben Levin, Elle Michalka.

The official national flower of South Korea, Hibiscus syriacus, is the name of Pink Diamond's flower.

One of Steven Sugar's comments about the silhouette difference between humans and Gems points out that humans have ears. This seems to be pretty good confirmation that they are not supposed to have ears, despite that sometimes we'll see ears drawn on them in some frames.

Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond is characterized in this book as "self-hating" in a really interesting way, saying that because she believed she was not capable of compassion, she practically worshiped those who demonstrated that ability and thought they were so much better than her--which is described as "intoxicating" and resulted in others being drawn to her. How interesting is that!

Timelines reveal that early plans for Pink Diamond's first Pearl originally had her getting destroyed by Pink during a game, and then her destruction was rewritten as a punishment from the Diamonds after Pink Pearl defended Pink Diamond to the other Diamonds. They went back to the idea of her getting hurt by Pink for the final version, though the cracked face and control by White Diamond was not on the agenda until they started writing "Change Your Mind."

10.

The approximate ages of the major characters, based on emergence, are revealed on these timelines. It begins with a cracked-planet-looking graphic depicting four tiny Diamonds emerging at 20,000 years ago. Some suspicious "blacked out" redacting surrounds a long timeline tail that goes back before that, which may mean there are secrets they still don't want to reveal. But the dates go like this:

20,000 years ago: The Diamonds emerge.

11,000 years ago: Pearl is custom-made for Pink Diamond.

8,000 years ago: Sapphire emerges (on Homeworld).

6,000 years ago: Ruby emerges (on a colony).

5,750 years ago: Garnet is formed.

5,600 years ago: Lapis is poofed and put in the mirror.

5,200 years ago: Jasper emerges (on Earth).

5,050 years ago: The Cluster is planted.

5,000 years ago: Amethyst emerges (on Earth).

4,500 years ago: The Crystal Gems found Amethyst.

3,000 years ago: Peridot emerges (on Homeworld).

40 years ago: Pearl found Lapis's mirror at the Galaxy Warp.

And of course we know 14 years ago Steven is born!

11.

Originally the Diamonds were based on a quartet of themes: Love, Fear, Pride, and Sorrow. It got too complicated to keep and it was abandoned, with Pink's identification of "love" being described as "particularly outdated."

12.

Notes on a sketch say that Pearl was inspired to become bold and unashamed because Pink's questions drove her to have opinions, and it's said that Rose "fell in love" with her boldness.

13.

Rebecca tells the story of driving off a ridge and getting stuck in the desert, comparing this to Ruby's tumble during her Wild West adventure and using it as inspiration. She's told this story before but here it is in print. She also included the story about using the flowers from a friend's wedding to put in Ruby's hair.

14.

Rebecca describes having to "fight" notes she was given when it had to do with Ruby and Sapphire's relationship. One she describes as NOT fighting was for a signing card depicting Ruby and Sapphire dancing. It was called "too romantic" and she decided not to worry about it since it wasn't the actual show content.

She was also scolded over her book The Answer because the powers that be expected her to downplay that relationship. She always argued that queer youth deserved these things.

15.

Tom Herpich describes being inspired to name Blue Diamond's comb "Comby" because he was watching the news about Comey getting fired from the FBI. It's also a mineral-related term and I always assumed that reference was intentional, but maybe it's not and this is the only intended significance to Comby's name?

16.

Rainbow Quartz 2.0's design is not discussed, though the other two new Fusions from "Change Your Mind" (Sunstone and Obsidian) were. RQ2 has some sketches included, but no accompanying narrative in the text.

17.

A sheet of corrupted Gems and their healed selves is offered, though it doesn't appear to be final. The obelisk in "Serious Steven" is labeled Albite. The unnamed Worm Monster, Desert Glass, and Watermelon Tourmaline are included. An unnamed birdlike Gem represents the Big Bird monster from "Giant Woman." The crab monster from "Arcade Mania" is labeled Blue Chalcedony. The Tongue Monster is drawn uncorrupted but not named. The Flower Monster from "Back to the Kindergarten" is labeled Grossular Diopside or Titanite. The invisible monster from "Island Adventure" is labeled Moonstone. The Lighthouse Gem is labeled White Topaz. A form for Larimar that was used in "Change Your Mind" but changed in Future is there. The Slinker is listed as Chrysocolla. And the Crab Monster is listed as Aventurine.

On the next page, this is changed to Bixbite (as it was in Steven Universe Future), and we then also have Lace Amethyst, Blue Lace Agate, Crazy Lace Agate (Fusion), Ocean Jasper, the Mother Centipeetle Nephrite (Facet 413 Cabochon 12) and three other Nephrites, Angel Aura Quartz, a hooded Jasper, Zebra Jasper, Biggs Jasper, Watermelon Tourmaline (labeled as Fusion of Gem * Onion--huh?), Snowflake Obsidian, "Little" Larimar, and Orange Spodumene (who was the Worm).

18.

The Rhodonite side story would have been about the love story of a Ruby and a Pearl working for Morganite. Images of Morganite and her servants, unfused, are in the book. We do not get this additional information, but Rebecca said in a panel shortly before the book's release that Rhodonite's story would have been about finding out that she had been Rejuvenated 17 times because her components kept falling in love and needing to be reset.

19.

Referring to the Diamonds on one of the charts, Steven's perspective is "I can't believe I helped these" and then there's a censor bar. Welp.

20.

Some included art by Hilary Florido features Kevin with a souped-up Koala Princess car and another where Kevin is staring at himself in the mirror in front of an altar to himself.

21.

Rebecca's sweater collection is included in the Crew art.

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

#steven universe #steven universe end of an era #su spoilers #long post #su merch #myblog

151 notes · View notes

unbridgeabledistances · 4 years

Note

I love your last fic so much it got me thinking could you write something about like the gallaghers( +Kev and v and sandy etc) observing Ian and Mickey’s relationship? Like their perspectives of seeing them be soft with each other and just their dynamic? I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense lol <3

hiiiii anon!<3 okay i want to start off by saying that this got WAY too long, bc i loved this prompt a lot- so much that i think i might make this a multi-part thing on ao3! i started with sandy (since i am in love with her) but i’ll also go through the gallaghers/kev & v soon- lmk if u guys want me to continue, and who u would want me to write next if i do (or if u want me to continue with sandy lol i have lots of thoughts and feelings)

this ended up taking place in s10 when we first meet sandy, fyi:) also tw for brief mentions of abuse (as always, bc of terry 🙄) -- and there is a reference to the line in 10x07 that jokes about mickey and sandy for a brief moment

When Sandy heard her phone buzz on that Tuesday afternoon, sitting on the stained and lumpy couch in her shithead uncle’s living room while drinking a beer and arguing with Alek about what type of insurance fraud could make the biggest payout, she had no idea what to expect on the other end of the line. The phone kept ringing, the contact info lighting up the screen: MICKEY.

Mickey? Shit. It had been a long fucking time. Between her own various juvie stints as a kid and Mickey’s time behind bars overlapping just as she got released, Sandy hadn’t seen Mickey since… high school, maybe? Whenever it was, it was back when Mickey was a grimy kid with spikey hair and dirty fingernails, a kid with an obsession with guns and way too much time on his hands, back when they would hang out by the train tracks and drink beer and get way too high and do stupid shit; all in all, back when everything was a hell of a lot simpler. Sandy assumed Mickey had met Royal and been clued in about her shitshow of a life at some point while she’d been gone, and they’d possibly overlapped at a family party or two a few years ago when they both were in town— but other than hearing about the aftershocks of Mickey coming out and driving Terry up a goddamn wall, so much so that Terry broke his parole and was headed straight back to prison hours after his release, Sandy hadn’t seen Mickey in forever.

Which is why this call intrigued her so much— Mickey was supposed to be in prison for at least a couple more years, or at least that’s what his brothers had said, so why the fuck was he using a cell phone right now?

Sandy nodded her head towards the cellphone, cutting Alek off mid-sentence and sliding her thumb across the screen to pick up the call. Before saying anything, she rose off the creaky springs of the couch and speedwalked out to the front porch before answering— whatever the fuck Mickey wanted, she assumed he was calling her because this conversation wasn’t for the ears of any other Milkoviches. She lit a cigarette and leaned against the post of the front stoop, listening to the silence hanging heavy on her phone’s speaker.

“Mickey? You there?”

A low chuckle came from the other end of the line.

“Fuck. Been a long time.” Mickey’s voice sounded the same; punchy and snarky, maybe a little gruffer and raspier after years of cigarette smoke. Sandy waited a moment for Mickey to give more of a reply, or an explanation for his call, but it was clear that Mickey wasn’t going to give one right away— it was like he was testing the waters, like he was deciding if making this call was the right move. Soft static echoed on the phone line.

Sandy totally got it— reemerging from a life of cinderblock cell walls and barbed wire fences fucking sucked, especially when you were a Milkovich and the moment you got out you were faced with a choice, an opportunity: did you want to go back home, or did you want to start fresh, erase your own name, and forget this dysfunctional family ever existed? Sandy knew she felt the same way when she got out. Mickey deciding to call Sandy was a big fucking move, and she realized that— reclaiming your life as a Milkovich on the brink of a new beginning took guts.

“So, I take it you’re out of prison?” Sandy asked after a moment, inhaling another slow puff of her cigarette.

There was that laugh again— Sandy had weirdly missed it. Honestly, Mickey hadn’t ever been too bad to be around— they’d both felt like outsiders in the family, had both always had a strong head on their shoulders and a fucking moral compass, unlike the rest of Terry’s sheep who did his bidding and got swastikas tattooed on their chest. When he was younger Mickey used to follow Terry and his older brothers around like a lost puppy, and he even got those fucking knuckle tats—but later in high school, Sandy remembered seeing something deep snap inside him, bleeding out in “STAY THE FUCK OUT” and “FUCK LOVE” signs taped onto his bedroom walls. At the time she thought it was the fucked-up shit with Terry and Mandy driving him up a wall— but now she realized the constant bombardment of homophobia, coupled with the cuts and bruises blooming on his cheeks and the cigarette burn scars on his arms, must have been signs of Mickey realizing the rude awakening that was inevitably going to come if he wanted to be who he was. Sandy couldn’t even imagine— no one really gave a shit who she fucked, and her cousins didn’t know anything about her sex life—but she couldn’t fathom being Terry’s son, the pride and joy of the Milkovich clan, and needing to outwardly admit those deeper parts of herself.

“Yup, I’m free to join civilization as of this morning. Overcrowding or some shit.” Sandy could hear Mickey also taking a drag of a cigarette on the other end of the line. She smirked to herself. Guess we both didn’t break the Milkovich nicotine addiction.

“So, uh, listen,” Mickey continued, and Sandy immediately knew he was in deep shit if she was the one he was calling to ask for a favor. “I’m in a bit of a… situation. Don’t wanna go into too many specifics, but there might be a massive fucking Mexican cartel after me right now.”

Sandy barked out a laugh before she could help herself. Fucking Mickey. “Oh yeah? Sounds like you’re feeling thrilled to be a free man again.”

Mickey chuckled again. “Fuck you. But hey, d’you think you can bring my shit by to me, so I don’t have to stop by the house and get fucking killed? You don’t gotta rush or whatever, just didn’t wanna show my face quite yet.”

Sandy could feel all the unsaid things wrapped in the way Mickey’s sentence ended. Didn’t want to show his face quite yet because of this cartel bullshit, or because of Terry? She decided it didn’t really matter— Mickey was a good guy, she could spend an hour or so rounding up his shit and bringing it to him if that’s what he needed.

“Got it.” She blew out more smoke, watching it curl and drift over the wasteland of the front yard on a gust of summer air.

Mickey cleared his throat, like he was gearing up to say more. When he spoke, his voice was softer around the edges, more genuine than before.

“I’m, uh. I’m sure you heard everything about me while I was gone. About Terry flipping his shit. Probably not the best idea for me to come around the house quite yet—my brothers n’ I haven’t really talked much since then either.” He paused, inhaling another drag of his cigarette. “I figured you’d get it. And hey, if you can bring the stuff by, I’d love to hear all the badass shit you’ve been up to the past few years.”

Sandy nearly winced—yeah, if by “badass shit” you mean getting forcibly married to a douchebag and then couch surfing for months— but she tried to keep her shit together for Mickey’s sake. She stubbed out her cigarette on the railing of the porch, straightening from where she was leaning.

“I’ve got it Mickey, don’t worry about it. Where are you right now, anyways?”

She could hear the hint of relief bleeding into Mickey’s voice when he replied. “I’m at the Gallagher house? The grey one by the tracks.”

Sandy rolled her eyes. “I was in jail for a couple of years Mickey, not braindead. I know where the Gallagher house is.”

Mickey huffed out a breath, but there wasn’t any sharpness in it. “Excuse me for tryin’ to be helpful, smartass.”

“Why the fuck are you there, anyways?”

“I’m, uh, crashing with my partner for now. Ian?”

Holy shit, Mickey was still fucking Ian Gallagher? Sandy had pieced together that Ian was the reason Mickey came out months after getting married to some Russian bitch, and according to Iggy the whole reason Mickey went to jail in the first place was some love-crazed revenge plot on Ian’s behalf— but since getting locked up Mickey hadn’t kept in touch with anyone, other than a shady-as-fuck message to his brothers after he’d busted out of prison letting everyone know that he was in Mexico, despite getting thrown back into jail in Chicago a couple months later. Sandy didn’t really know the details, and she especially didn’t know anything about Mickey’s love life— but it was wild as fuck that someone as unsettled and ruthless and batshit crazy as Mickey could’ve been with the same person all this time, especially someone as seemingly bland as Ian Gallagher. Huh. Wonder if I’ll get to see Ian.

“Got it. I’ll round up your shit and bring it by the Gallagher house later today. And don’t worry, I won’t let anyone know you called til you’re ready.”

Mickey exhaled on the other end of the line. “There shouldn’t be much, just check the drawers or whatever. “

Sandy knew for a fact that most of Mickey’s lingering possessions had probably been taken, sold, or thrown out by a zealously homophobic Terry by now, but she wasn’t going to say as much to Mickey over the phone.

“I’m on it. See you in a couple hours.”

“Hey, Sandy?” Mickey blew out a long breath, and this time Sandy couldn’t tell if it was because he was still smoking or because he was riding a wave of relief, releasing the floodgates of anxiousness he’d been holding in the whole conversation. “Thanks. I fuckin’ owe you one.”

Sandy smirked. Maybe Mickey being let out of jail early was a good thing, despite how fucked his whole situation seemed— maybe, for once, someone in her family would be fun to be around, wouldn’t set her teeth on edge every two seconds by making a racist comment or forcing her to be something she wasn’t.

“I’ll text you when I’m almost at your love nest.”

She imagined Mickey’s grin as he replied. “Fuck you. See ya soon.”

After scraping through every rickety dresser drawer in Terry’s house for nearly an hour, Sandy could barely come up with anything that was reportedly Mickey’s: a couple of tattered shirts, an impressively overused-looking bong, and a single sneaker she’d left behind because she couldn’t find the other one. She threw it all in some shitty burlap rucksack she’d found on one of the bedroom floors, assuming no one would miss it— it dawned on her that maybe her cousins were lying, and some of the other stuff in the house was still Mickey’s, but she’d collected what she could based on the whispered directions Alek and Iggy had given her when Terry was out of the room.

Sandy unlocked her phone, and typed a quick message to Mickey. “Out front.”

Mickey’s reply came quickly, and Sandy noticed the front curtains rustling on the top floor of the Gallagher house.

“Coming down”

The front door creaked open, and Mickey walked out onto the front porch. He looked good; he looked cleaner, sure, but also like a fucking adult—like he’d grown into himself, like he actually carried himself with confidence instead of just pretending to. He nodded his chin up at Sandy in acknowledgement.

“Long time no see.” He smirked, leaning on the banister. “You make a good delivery service. All those hauls we did with Terry must’ve been good training.”

Sandy lazily walked up the front steps, reaching the bag out in front of her for Mickey to take. “Here’s all the shit I could find. It’s not much.”

Mickey jerked his head to the open door behind him. “You wanna come in for a sec?”

Sandy grinned. Why the fuck not. “Sure."

So that was how she found herself perched on what was presumably Ian Gallagher’s bed, watching Mickey ruffle through the burlap bag, his brows furrowed as he realized just how much of his shit was actually gone.

“This everything?”

“As much as I could find.”

They comfortably chatted back and forth about how everyone was— Sandy decided to divulge the fact that Mickey’s brothers were idiots who tried to crawl in bed with her every night, which is something that she had to joke about so she didn’t go fucking insane sleeping under the same roof as them.

“Fuck ‘em, chop their nuts off next time they try it.”

Sandy smirked. Finally, a decent fucking relative. She made some hollow joke about staying with Mickey, alluding to the extra-shitty night decades ago when their cousins had forced them to make out when they were way too high on something.

“Or I could stay here with you. Have fun like we did when we were kids.”

“You know that’s fucked up, right? We’re fucking cousins!”

“Plus he’s taken.” A voice came from around the corner.

Ian Gallagher looked bigger, taller, and more solid than Sandy remembered; he was definitely miles away from the scrawny kid with the bangs who worked at the Kash N Grab that Sandy and her cousins endlessly used to fuck with in middle school. Ian’s shoulders were wide, his body imposing in the tiny room; immediately, Mickey’s aggravated stance softened when Ian walked in, wrapped in a towel from the waist down.

“Oh right, you.” Sandy grinned as Ian hunched over the bed and grabbed his deodorant from the nightstand.

Mickey had turned back to the bag of clothes. “Hey, I had shampoo and shit, is there soap anywhere?”

Sandy rolled her eyes. “You’ve been gone for years, you think your brothers would save that shit for you?” she bit out— and okay, maybe she was a little pissed at Mickey’s brothers for the constant-sexual-assault thing.

Ian just applied his deodorant and leaned in close to Mickey as he passed by the bed towards the doorframe. “You can use mine. We’ll hit Costco later, I’m getting paid.”

It was stupid, but Sandy felt something soft pang in her chest at Ian’s words; it was just now that she was realizing it, but she didn’t think she’d ever seen someone take care of Mickey before, or so… automatically factor Mickey’s needs into a situation. Being a Milkovich was all about scrounging and scraping, and guarding what little you had; a Milkovich would never let someone use their fucking soap just because they cared about them, or not as an immediate reaction anyways.

“Nah, I can’t, man. PO texted me when you were in the shower, he’s got a job for me.”

Ian kept looking at Mickey from where he was leaning in the doorway. “Then give me a list of shit you need, and I’ll pick it up for you,” Ian said in an overly simple tone, like he was mocking the fact that Mickey didn’t realize Ian would run an errand for him.

Sandy smirked. Jesus, Gallagher is whipped.

“Isn’t that cute, little domestic bitches,” Sandy crooned before she could help herself.

Ian stepped into the room again and leaned in towards Mickey, pressing a kiss to Mickey’s cheek while Mickey aggressively tried to uncrumple one of the pile of shirts from the bag.

“Mm, thank you,” Ian said in reply, his voice muffling as he smushed his face closer to Mickey’s.

Mickey instantly smiled smugly as Ian’s lips pressed against his cheek—then he noticed Sandy was staring, so he flipped her off and smiled even wider. What the fuck? Sure, Mickey had flipped Sandy off, but he was practically fucking beaming in a way that Sandy had never seen. God, wonder if I’ll find this shit someday.

Ian detached himself from Mickey and walked out of the room, Mickey’s eyes lingering on his torso. Once Ian had turned the corner Mickey snapped back to attention, fixing his eyes back onto the small mountain of clothes spread on the bed in front of him. Mickey lifted the bong off the bedsheets, and met Sandy’s gaze.

“You have to go, or d’you wanna hang for a bit? I don’t have to be at work for a couple hours, and it’s gonna suck enough that I should probably be high before I get there.”

Sandy grinned. “Hell yeah, I’m down.”

They sat on the rickety back steps of the Gallagher house, silently taking hits and passing the bong back and forth. It had been years since they’d been in the same space, but Sandy and Mickey easily sank into a comfortable silence, passively surrounded by the shrieks of kids playing across the alleyway and the bubbling of water as they inhaled. Mickey blew smoke out of his nose, then sat back so he was leaning against the banister and passed the glass pipe to Sandy.

“So,” Sandy started as she held the lighter to the bong and inhaled deeply. “Ian Gallagher.”

Mickey huffed out a laugh. “Yup. That’s some Romeo and Juliet shit for ya.”

Sandy smirked as she exhaled. “You really fucking love him, huh?”

Mickey eyebrows raised almost imperceptibly as he looked towards her. “Yeah. Guess I do.” He took the bong from Sandy’s outstretched hand. “Took me forever to get shit straight with him, though.”

Ah. So their road to domestic bliss wasn’t as straightforward as it seemed. Sandy’s curiosity was growing.

“Because of shit with Terry?”

Mickey stiffened, coughing a bit as he exhaled smoke, like Sandy’s question caught him off guard. “Shit. Yeah. That too. Let’s just say there were lots of fucking ups and downs, and we both had a lot of shit to unpack.”

Sandy snickered. “You sound like a fucking couples therapist.”

Mickey rolled his eyes. “If you wanna see couples therapy, I should tell you about the months me and Ian were sharing a fucking cell. We nearly ripped each other’s heads off. We literally stabbed someone so one of us might get sent to fucking solitary.”

Sandy’s laughter grew. “Are you fucking serious?”

Mickey grinned, and passed the bong back to Sandy again. “Fuck. Yeah. I fucking love him, though. He’s fucking crazy, and I still can’t let him go.” Mickey looked off into the distance across the alleyway, and either the weed was really hitting him right now, or he was being a very sappy motherfucker.

Sandy nudged Mickey’s knee. “You guys are cute together.” Mickey’s eyebrows raised when he heard the word “cute,” and Sandy quickly tried to rephrase. “Not cute, but y’know. Good for each other. You seem happy. Happy is... good.”

Mickey nodded pensively. “How’re you doing, anyways?”

Sandy shrugged noncommittally. “Eh. We can talk about me another time. How the fuck did you and Ian end up sharing a jail cell, anyways?”

Mickey let out a throaty laugh. “I heard Gallagher was getting locked up when I was down south, so I essentially pulled some strings and fucking snitched on the cartel I was working for. Hauled my ass back up here so we could be together.”

Holy fuck. Sandy’s jaw nearly dropped. “Mickey, you’re batshit crazy.” She shoved him squarely in the chest this time. “Are you fucking serious?! You evaded the feds, were living in Mexico, and you came back for Ian Gallagher?”

Mickey rolled his eyes again, placing the bong on the steps. “I can’t explain it, man. I just didn’t wanna be anywhere else, I guess.”

Sandy leaned back onto the banister. “Shit.” She paused for a moment, wondering if she should ask the next question. “Do you… want me to tell anyone you’re back?”

Mickey glanced over at her, his eyes alert. “Nah. Not yet. That okay with you?”

Sandy nodded. “Of course.” Mickey pulled out his phone, checking the time and presumably looking for a distraction from tiptoeing around talking about Terry— but Sandy had to tell him, had to let him know one more thing.

“Hey, Mickey?”

Mickey looked up. “Yeah?”

“I don’t really know the details of what went down with Terry, or whatever— but I just wanted to let you know that… if you ever wanna come home, I’m on your side. No questions asked. And I think a lot of the others are, too.”

The corner of Mickey’s mouth ticked upward. “Thanks.”

Sandy stood, checking her phone and zipping her leather jacket. “Well, I’d probably let you sober up a bit before your big parolee first day of work.”

Mickey raised a middle finger up to her from where he was seated, but then rose to stand.

“Thanks for comin’ by. And hey—you’re free to crash here anytime. There’s a million fucking kids running around all the time, but there’s always a couch or something open if everyone at home’s giving you too much shit.”

Sandy felt something warm growing in her chest. It had been a long fucking time since someone offered to take care of her, just because they could, just because they wanted to— maybe being a Milkovich wasn’t half bad. Maybe there were some good ones.

Sandy nodded in acknowledgement, and turned to walk down the creaky back steps. Wow. If Sandy was sure of one thing right now, it was that Mickey really, really fucking loved Ian Gallagher.

#also this goes without saying but i am not acknowledging the inc*st jokes as things that actually happened #bc that makes me!! wildly uncomfortable!!! lmao #but that being said hope y’all enjoyed this :)#gallavich #gallavich fanfiction #shameless #shameless fic #ian x mickey #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #sandy milkovich #gallavich fic

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jq37 · 3 years

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The Case File – Mice and Murder Ep 4

The Case of the Puzzling Painting

Welcome back to Loam Hall where our Sylvan Sleuths are still hanging out in a room with a dead body. When we left off, Gangie had been snooping into Sly’s conversation about Fletcher Cottonbottom and now, he uses his Criminal Contacts feature to see what he knows, if anything, about a recent return. With a 26 he knows that his family used to be well respected but after the whole business with the insurance fraud and Sly busting it, the family kind of fell out of favor. So Fletcher was in a weird position where he was rich and a part of high society and had enough dirt on everyone to get them to do things for him but couldn’t actually show his face because he was disgraced. Gangie also knows that it’s rumored that Fletcher’s weapons running scheme was actually a front for moving art.

With regard to more recent news about Fletcher, Gangie was never in direct contact with him but he knows that 3-4 years ago, his most trusted henchmen started going missing--people attributed it to some kind of “Cottonbottom Curse” and that rumor is part of why Gangie decided to get out of dodge in the first place.

Buck does an insight check on the rest of the PCs and, with an 18, doesn’t clock anyone there as especially suspicious (Lars isn’t there but like..it’s Lars). Ian tries to give Squire Badger his last rites but ends up pulling the knife out, putting it back in, flapping blood everywhere with his feathers, and sending Constance into a badger rage. Buck tries to help smooth over things, claiming his big screw up was a new style of avant garde church ritual (Ian appreciates the support--who ministers to the ministers, you know?) and in the process sees his knife for the first time. Which, you know. He obviously suspected before but never nice to see.

While this is going on, Daisy sneaks off to try and check on the secret door and everyone sees her do it/eventually follows her but we’ll get back to her once we check in with Lars who is en route to the kitchen. Once in the hallway, they do a perception check and, on a 15, there are 3 doors and Ally gets to pick one. There’s a kitchen where Gilfoyle is talking to a group, a door where someone is crying behind it, and a door where they can hear nothing. Ally, the galaxy brained genius, goes for the quiet door. That’s the money door and with their ears pressed against the door, they can hear Edwina and Carolyn--the two mice maids that overheard Buck’s conversation with the Badger--whispering about what happened there and wondering if they should pay back the money they were paid to by Buck.

Gilfoyle walks out and sees Lars snooping but on a Nat 20 deception check, Lars is able to play dumb and skate by suspiciousness. Also, with a dirty 20 perception check, when the mice maids leave, Lars sees that they’ve been stealing silverware.

OK, back to Daisy who is getting to the séance room as quickly as possible. She has two rounds before people catch up to her so she’s trying to make the most of it by Investigating the painting she noticed was bolted to the wall earlier. She first rolls an 11, getting no new information. This is so frustrating to her. She’s good at this dammit! But being around Sly is rattling her terribly. She has feelings for him--strong ones. But she isn’t herself around him. How can she be with him if he makes her so unlike herself? Her introspection is enough to earn her advantage from Brennan on her second roll and boom! 25! Daisy is back.

With that roll, she notices that the eyes in the painting actually move and can be used as a spying post on the other side. Then Sly runs in and they start bickering immediately. Daisy throws a crystal ball at him and absolutely brains him on a nat 20--the first combat roll of this very RP oriented season.

Buck and Ian are still in the room with the body for the moment and Buck asks Ian about the first few names on the list Gangie gave him. There were a bunch of members of the Burrows family--a working class family that all died of a consumptive illness. And then the Diggories who died in a carriage accident. The connecting thread? All badgers. Buck then zooms away to follow Daisy, Ian follows, and Lars, seeing them as they leave the kitchens, also follows.

So all the PCs are in the séance room now and they kinda have the sense of, “OK y’all, we’re all screwed but we’re al screwed together so we better throw our lot in with each other and start working together so we don’t die because no one else here is on our side.” Buck proposes an alliance and they all agree to share info. Sly asks about Buck’s knife and Buck admits it’s his but says he didn’t do it. Sly believes him--not because he wouldn’t do it but because he has no motive (that he knows about anyway. Buck doesn’t spill about the contract).

Gangie shares the list of names from before with the whole group.It’s like half badgers and then some other critters (full list here). Sly doesn’t share any of his secret info Grant got texted. Daisy and Buck don’t share about the key (though Sly you’ll remember sat her steal it). Buck does however mention his suspicion about the fact that Gilfoyle wasn’t around when Squire Badger gave his speech and Daisy does the same about the fact that he said he would call the cops but the cops haven’t arrived yet. Lar’s remembers that Jez’s husband is gunning for at seat in parliament and wonders if this is related somehow. Daisy mentions the eyes in the painting and everyone is like way to bury the lede dude! Especially when they’ve just all spilled their secrets. Everyone checks on the painting and with a 25 Gangie can intuit that this is probably used to spy on rich people when they’re mid-séance and vulnerable and spilling secrets (which he doesn’t share but Daisy comes to a similar conclusion on her own). Buck on a 23 can smell ledgers (idk how but the DM said so and I’m reporting it) and guesses that that’s where the Squire’s real office is which means that’s probably where the contract he needs to find and destroy is too.

The group makes a list of their loose ends which are what’s on the other side of the painting, what’s up with Fletcher, and the smell of ozone. Plus Ian remembers that the date on the bust in the study is wrong and shares with the class.

Lars tries to get to the other side of the room by ripping the painting off the hinges with a very impressive 26 but there is fully a wall behind it and the noise brings Gilfoyle, Harding, and the Badger kids running. Lars notes that in the stone behind the painting it says “⅓” and then hurriedly puts the painting back. Daisy thinks that might refer to a secret third floor or basement accessible by the elevator (but my first thought was that there were 2 other spying paintings in the house somewhere).

Everyone in the room hears the Gilfoyle and co. coming and try to act natural. There is a group stealth check that they all tank so heavily that all the suspicious staff and kids need to do to suss them out is roll above a 5.

AND THEY ROLL A TWO.

With that, Lucretia appears, totally buys that they’re doing very important spiritual work in there, and in fact guards the door for them. They use the privacy bought by their very vigilant sentry to plan their next steps. Sly, Daisy, and Ian will check out the study while they rest of them check out the elevator. As they exit, Lucretia asks if they got the answers they needed out of the spirits.

Oh yes, says Daisy, echoing Lucretia’s nonsense prediction from last episode. Either something good or bad might happen. Either way, I’m excited!

Case Notes

How baller of a player move is it to say a line so poignant that the DM is forced to let you roll with advantage? I have been on the other side of that as the DM and it’s so great. MAD respect to Rekha for that. AND THEN THE DICE COOPERATED. You simply love to see it.

The other best Rekha line is Daisy to Sly upon being called out about stealing the key in his normal, coy, quippy way: You saw me bitch.

Shout out to Grant also for being constantly on as Sly. The guy is on point always. Impeccable.

I am SO SO SO happy Daisy and Sly are on the same mission team. If I was friends with either of them I’d be like, “This is a toxic relationship, they make you too crazy.” But as an outside viewer I want them to be within crystal ball throwing distance always.

The question I’m sure we’re all asking: Is Brennan enough of a minx to invoke the butler did it trope? I know everyone at the table is thinking it even if none of them have said it outright. I figured the reason the cops haven’t showed up yet was the storm but who knows?

Two pieces of housekeeping, only Buck and Gangie know what the room behind the painting is with their high rolls and, after the bit of passing it back and forth with Buck, Daisy has the key.

I really can’t do the bit about Gangie’s mom justice. I wish there was a comedy Emmy for actual play DnD shows so D20 could get the accolades it deserves just for that bit.

Brennan indicated that the conversation between the mice maids was the most interesting info (Gilfoyle convo to staff was too public to be juicy/they could get the info from one of the many gathered staff people and crying is info on its own--though I am curious about who the crying person was) but I’m wondering what he meant by that. Because the fact that Buck paid them might be interesting if Buck did it. But we know he didn’t. Is it the fact that they were in the room at all? Again, info that the party knows if not Lars specifically. The fact that they were stealing silverware? What’s Brennan’s game here?

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #mice and murder #mice and murder spoilers #the case file

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gallavich-rules · 3 years

Text

Shamelessly Ever After Update

Chapter 7: Hope Springs Eternal

[Chapter Link] or [Start from the Beginning]

Mickey POV

“Okay, we’re cool. Just…put the fucking gun down.”

“Back the fuck up!!!” The girl screams, now aiming the gun towards Ian.

Seeing her point the gun at Ian, Mickey’s heart jumps...

He springs forward, rushing over to Ian, putting himself in front of his husband, outstretching his arms as wide as they could go.

He won’t let her take him.

He won’t lose him.

Not again.

Summary:

Mickey reminisces all the good...and bad...memories he has of him and Ian while going through their wedding and anniversary pics. Meanwhile, the unconscious girl he and Ian rescued from the Alibi the other night wakes up. Mickey has to navigate through mixed emotions to protect Ian, himself, and even the girl.

Fandom: Shameless

Rating: Explicit, Adult Content

Content Warning: Guns, Canon Typical Language, Trauma, Panic, Anxiety

Characters: Mickey Milkovich, Ian Gallagher, Unknown Character

(SPOILER: character revealed under Read More of this post)

Author’s Note:

... She brings her head back up. Her eyes, surrounded by glitter, look straight at Mickey’s, delicate brown meeting raging ocean blue.

“Rue,” she answers. “It’s Rue.”

Yup, Rue Bennett from Euphoria has made it into my fic.

Honestly, seeing her character and the struggles she has to overcome reminded me a lot of the earlier seasons of Shameless. Also, her character in general and her relationship with another character on the show reminds me a lot of Ian and Mickey when they first started out. As such, I thought it'd be interesting to write a fic about her meeting them, though this isn't the only kind of storyline I'll be writing about. I intended this fic to be a one-shot of Mickey accidentally becoming an event planner--which is still the goal lmaoo--but yeah it slowly evolved into this.

Of course like all crossover characters, she will be rewritten as if she is in the Shameless universe; however, out of all the other characters, her story, personality, and struggles will be close to her canon counterpart. You don't need to necessarily be familiar with Euphoria to follow along with her story, the next chapters focused around her I will include little details and info that are relevant to the overall story (and of course to Ian and Mickey). If anything, most of her canon stuff will serve as memories or context, but I am changing some things around to fit this narrative I'm building in my fic.

Also, the gif used for Rue in this chapter will not be used for her chapter POV's. I just used this gif cause I was picturing this scene of her while writing the last bits of this chapter, when she slowly raises her head to look at Mickey.

Anyways, if you're still reading this fic, thanks so much for your continued support as a reader. It means a lot to me and I hope you guys are liking the story so far. There's still a lot to come so uhhh be prepared lool.

#gallavich #shameless #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #ian x mickey #mickey x ian #gallavich fanfic #gallavich fanfiction #fanfics #fanfiction #sea fanfic

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cryptidcalling · 3 years

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Heyo! Here’s that post I promised about some of Sean’s friends! Not all of them are going to be super fleshed out, because not all of them are super significant to Sean specifically, but they deserve some attention too. I also haven’t really given them last names.

Ian: He’s been hybridized with the DNA if a Lyre Bird, allowing him to mimic any sound he hears perfectly. This includes human voices. He also has feathers covering much of his arms and back, but he’s unfortunately not able to fly. He’s eccentric and charismatic, and also very intelligent! He’s the teams main leader and info-gatherer, and cares the most deeply about their mission. He’s great at finding information and hacking, but he’s also just generally book smart and good at math. However, he can be a bit emotionally tone deaf and doesn’t always properly read the room before acting. His loudness and general goofy attitude can be unwelcome at times when the situation is dire, and he can make people feel like he isn’t taking them seriously. He’s genuinely a caring friend though, and his life’s goal truly is to save every victim of GenMile’s experiments. He often refers to Sean and “Lou”, shortened from his last name of Loufin. Despite how different they are, Ian and Sean get along incredibly well. Sean is unendingly grateful for Ian and everything he’s done for him and the other hybrids and victims, and he understands better than most just how much saving people means to Ian. Raquel “Roxy”: She’s been hybridized with the DNA of a Hyena, which gives her a naturally strong build, a good sense of smell, thick callouses on certain parts of her hands and feet, an immunity to mild toxins, and sharp teeth. She’s outgoing, and enjoys standing out in a crowd. She dresses like a full on biker woman, complete with Mohawk and a patch covered jean vest. She’s what some might call a Mama Bear, and is very protective of her friends. She and Sean bond fairly quickly because of how unsure and reserved he tends to be in unfamiliar situations. He’s not shy per-se, but he often will worry himself into a frenzy when he’s in an unfamiliar situation and nobody is around to help keep him grounded. She serves as his rock when Ian is a bit too loud and chipper for Sean to feel reassured. Despite her somewhat intimidating appearance, she’s an absolute mom friend, makes the best soup, and gives amazing hugs. She and Sean’s friendship eventually buds into a romantic relationship! (They’re both bi, in case anyone was wondering). Eri: Eri is a little girl, about 5 at the time of rescue and then she floats around the future/Australia time at 6. She’s an unauthorized revival of the hybrid project, started in secret by her own parents who both work for GenMile. They had her for the specific purpose of creating a new hybrid, believing that if she was their own blood she wouldn’t possibly turn against them. Her DNA has been mixed with that of a Vampire Bat, which gives her large pointed ears, small wings, sharp fans, and a unique type of venom that numbs pain and prevents blood from clotting, allowing her to drink as much blood as she can. She also has 4 sharp fangs and a pointed tongue with a deep grove in the center for consuming blood. Eri doesn’t need blood to live, just like Sean doesn’t need to eat sugar despite being partially Kinkajou and Roxy can eat things other than meat. However, cravings are natural, especially in younger children. When she was very little, between 1-3, Eri would bite her “parents” (Who I will henceforth call the Scientists, just know only the two of them knew about her) on many occasions to try and feed herself. Her cravings are especially dangerous, because her venom works nearly instantly. Besides a slight prick, someone she bites might feel no pain at all. This is dangerous for them and Eri, because given the opportunity she could potentially gorge herself to the point of feeling sick while the other person experiences severe blood loss. Instead of trying to help Eri manage the cravings that they forced upon her, the Scientists would instead punish her and lock her into her small isolated bedroom for long periods of time. She became convinced at such a young age that she was inherently bad and dangerous, and loving her was a gift she didn’t deserve and was only being “given” because the scientists are such great people. The more she grew the more she learned how to avoid acting on her cravings, but she wasn’t learning to manage them. Instead, the pent up feelings result in violent and destructive outbursts. When she gets rescued by the team, they’re all deeply shocked and terrified to see a new hybrid, and immediately take her in despite her denial. She tried many times to convince them all that she was a bad child, an evil terrible child that would only hurt them and destroy things. Sean feels the strongest immediate connection to her, because even to this day he deals with his own fears and self hatred regarding his venom. After her rescue, Sean takes her in as a caretaker, and he’s helping her heal and manage her cravings and outbursts. Momo: They’ve had their DNA splice with a Wood Frog and Red-Eyed Tree Frog! They have many unique abilities, like holding their breath for hours at a time, webbed hands and feet, sticky fingers and toes that allow them to climb walls, a long sticky tongue, and the ability to freeze their blood to withstand freezing cold temperatures! Momo is the Free-spirit type who always wants to carve their own path and adventure off the grid. This means they can be stubborn when not getting their way, but also steadfast in their beliefs and highly confident. They’ll also extend this confidence and stubbornness to their teammates when they’re sure an idea of theirs will work. Thia: Her DNA has been combined with that of a cheetah. As one might expect, her primary ability is speed. Her use within the team is primarily getting as many people out of a facility as quickly as possible! In terms of personality she’s quite traditionally feminine and enjoys watching teen dramas and dressing up with makeup and painted nails. Mainly, this is her way of feeling as though she fits in, and uses it as a form of self expression. She never got to dress up in fun clothes or own things that were overly dramatic and silly when she was little, so she happily indulges now. She knows many of the novels she reads and movies she watches are completely fictional and dramatized, but that’s exactly what she likes about them. She and Roxy get along very well as the two girls on the team despite their opposing aesthetics. The reason Momo and Thia don’t come with Sean, Ian, Roxy and Eri to Australia is because that is primarily SEAN’S dream and he’s my main character. It’s his desire to leave the country and live in Australia, not the whole team’s. Roxy comes with because by the end she and Sean are dating, Eri comes with because Sean is her new dad, and Ian comes along to establish a new safe base of operations for himself! And also because Sean is a very important friend to him. Just because GenMile has finally been taken down doesn’t mean there’s not more people in need of rescuing, and when you’ve committed as many federal crimes as Ian has Fleeing the country with your best bro and his new family Just Makes Sense. Momo and Thia still leave the country! Momo chooses to go to Europe, and is easily able to live with very little money and travel around, sleeping in hostels and enjoying the natural people and cultures. Thia actually ends up in Spain! She’s able to make a career for herself in the fashion and makeup industries. She can’t be a model unfortunately, but she can work behind the scenes as a wardrobe and makeup artist for movies and photo shoots.

#Here is!! This!!!#Momo and Thia are obviously not.. main characters. BUT they deserve to have some attention too!!!#I hope u like them all <=3 #Yes I DID steal Eri's name from MHA. What're u gonna do? Fight Me?#Child abuse mention #Child abuse tw #<For Eri in this post but also all of these characters were abused as children

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yungfrieda · 5 years

Text

10.26.19

also known as - things i’ve learned about myself and the world around me as this year comes to a close.

first before i get into the #content i just want to say RIP to communities centered around long-form written content!! i really miss tumblr and the community around it, i suppose i could easily go to Reddit or something if i wanted to write long posts about my life but i really liked how everyone’s blog was their own platform to curate and didn’t have to be hyper glossy & filtered imgs of a curated idealistic life. (can you tell i’m not a big fan of instagram?)

ok moving on. this year threw me for a loop. in this one year of 2019 i’ve had 3 different jobs. spent a month just straight up unemployed with nothing to do. tried to break into concert production and kinda fell on my face for circumstances out of my control. this year taught me that if you don’t have a backup plan.... you gotta be quick enough on your feet to come up w one because things can get bad very quickly.

but i learned so many other things that don’t have to do with survival and disaster planning mode and i’d like to share at least 5 of them.

1. i learned how to really sit down and take an audit of my emotions. this is really all thanks to working with my therapist Emily who i am quite certain i would not still be here without. days are really, really tough sometimes and in moments where i have a lot going on, i tend to shove my emotions and needs into a dark corner of my brain so i can stay productive.

this is only sustainable for a verrrry short amount of time and the consequences are usually a breakdown. i’ve been telling people that my emotions are like toddlers. toddlers cannot and should not be abandoned for long periods of time and do deserve to have their needs met by the person who is supposed to care for them. and we all know caring for a toddler is a lot of fuckin work. but the results are that the toddler grows up healthy and ends up thanking their parents in the long run. i want to be able to thank myself for taking care of me, so i’ve gotta put in the work.

2. i’ve learned that a lot of my relationships are not reciprocal. this was a hard one. i find myself soooo frustrated with a lot of my most favorite people because the boundaries that i’ve set in our relationship are either extremely flimsy or non-existent. i’m happy i’m realizing this now because its a sign of growth. I’m beginning to question the structures in my life and the roles people play, wondering what sparks joy like an emotional Marie Kondo. it’s badass, but the hard part comes in when i’ve got to put some action behind these new observations and change things. i’m not super good at this just yet but working with my therapist has really helped me turn my relationship with my boyfriend around so i’m confident i’ll figure it out.

3. i’ve learned just how shitty lifestyle creep can be. in a way that isn’t really my fault! the one big purchase i’ve made since getting this new job is purchasing a nintendo switch for myself. other than that, i’ve been booked for a month straight for some intensive dental work, booked doctor’s appointments, and have been spending a lot more on transportation due to work. my money has been fucked up since i started making a higher salary, one that i consider “liveable”. i really hope that certain changes will make it easier to adjust and safe, make budgets for the shit i actually want to be spending on, and all around just being smarter with my money.

4. i’ve learned that my career just ain’t gonna get easier. this is another tough one to accept. i’m a person who really likes to be challenged, and unfortunately i’ve found that a bit of those “go-getter” and scrappy characteristics i’ve loved about myself have been damaged because of some uncomfortable work environments. i’m learning how to restore those entrepreneurial values that i had where i’d make a way if i couldn’t easily find one and would be so happy to roll up my sleeves and make shit happen without a second thought.

BUT what i’m trying to say is, the more i pursue roles that take me out of my comfort zone, challenge me to grow, and give me more responsibility, the harder it’s going to get to find shit like “work/life balance” and days where i can just coast under the radar. those days are long gone, unfortunately (and fortunately!) because there’s a way to mediate the bullshit while i’m making my way to the top. i just have to actively enforce boundaries for balance. i’m saying it like it’s so easy, but i know that’s the key to keeping my sanity while also keeping a challenging job. i’m sure there are days where i’ll have to work extra long hours or put my brain’s petal to the metal, but it can’t be the norm or else i’m going to ultimately set myself up for burnout.

no matter who is uncomfortable with it, i’ve got to make the space and time to take care of myself - no questions asked. because no one is gonna do it for me.

5. i’ve been reminded that love is not glossy and glamorous. not that i’ve ever been that type of person anyway. it’s been a long time since Ian and I have been in “sweep you off your feet” mode and that’s ok. i’m more of a “steady-state” type of partner anyway where i can really be supportive on a day-to-day level instead of blowing someone away with grand gestures that can only be done once in a blue moon. but what i want to say with this is that i think a lot of people hope to find their soulmate who will make their life complete, rid them of all of their problems, and then they can ride off into the sunset together.

that’s not how it happens. ian and i will never be that to each other and it’s ok. we make a good couple by way of being super understanding with each other and truly being invested in one-another’s happiness and needs which is something i’m grateful for. he’s really the most reliable person i’ve got in my life and i hope to be the same way for him. but we’ve gotten into some fights every now and again, or have both been cranky on the same day at the same time and been kind of venomous to each other. i learned in those times that it’s easier to unpack someone’s behavior and why his perceptions of priorities like communication are different than mine, instead of just throwing in the towel because we’re just too different.

in another instance, we just had a weekend where neither of us even touched each other after a few months of not even being face-to-face for awhile and just sat next to eachother all day and night and played video games in our pajamas. i’ll admit, i sometimes fall victim to wanting us to make every moment count and when we’re together just sitting and doing nothing can kind of drive me nuts, but i knew we both needed to rest and it was nice to just pretend to be roommates for a few days.

while i do like getting cute and spending days together with Ian when we hit the city and do some fun stuff, we just can’t do it all the time. he’s still a college student and i’m a walking dental construction site. we’ve got a lot going on that makes it hard to make every moment we see each other “stellar” but i love that and i love him and i wouldn’t want it any other way.

this post ended up a little longer than i wanted it to so i’ll leave you by saying i’m still sad. i hate the upcoming season so much and the lack of sunlight in the winter makes my brain very sad. but this year was a fruitful one. it’s been a lot of confusion, honestly. lots of things that i’m still a little fuzzy on but just like mentioned above, it’s all about having that plan b and not always about sticking around to pick up the pieces. when ya gotta move on, it’s time to move on.

i’m ready to move into 2020 hoping that all of the things i’ve learned in the past few years will start to pay off. i’ve got to remember and retain this info because it’s valuable and i KNOW i’m gonna need it again. it’s so much easier when you don’t have to re-learn shit because you kept the notes.

i want to finish off this year strong and go into the next feeling confident.

#personal

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westcoastfallout · 6 years

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ABOUT my OCs

an excuse to talk about my OCs basically but also for future ask games i can link this post to anyone asking who tf they are

COURIER SIX: memphis six

memphis is 19 in canon and doesn't really remember who she is when she wakes up, so when she wanders back to primm and finds an old brochure abt tenessee that floated back to the mojave via the mojave express, she just starts calling herself memphis six.

basic info is that she is skilled with melee weapons, medicine and speech. independent vegas and she travels mostly with boone, arcade, veronica and ed-e. loved by the ncr anyways and hated by the legion, and shot house to death. she is a lesbian and sucks at gambling but likes playing caravan

she is the daughter of a priest and his husband, a mercenary, and her mom was a wandering doctor before deciding to settle down and create the 3 parent family and having memphis (longer story). basically her dads are in love and her mom is a part of the family even if she isn't in their relationship. they live somewhere south of nevada and she reunites with them a couple years post-game

other things abt memphis is that she is religious, even after getting shot, but grapples with the definition of "god" in the mojave. she claims to be non denominational but most of her religious practices and beliefs reflect baptist christianity. throughout her "canon", however, she will expand her views and appreciation for other interpretations of god and comes to the conclusion that all are true, in a sense, and religion is most valuable when it's used to bring people together to do good.

her religion is also a conflict for her because she's also very prone to violence over forgiveness and repents everytime but struggles to change her ways because she just fucking hates those legion bastards and starts firing on sight. she also tends to choose violent solutions on impulse. it's not that she has a bad temper, necessarily, but more of a bloodlust.

CHOSEN ONE: winifred

born in arroyo, winifred was named after a female protagonist in a very popular horror novel about a family in a hotel during the wintertime. growing up, she never really thought much of what was beyond the bridge, content with her home. while she was hesitant to leave, she understood that if she didn't try then arroyo would certainly perish.

basic info is that she is 17 in canon, skilled with unarmed, first aid and outdoorsman primarily (but quickly learns to improve her speech skill as well). travels mostly with marcus, john cassidy and goris and earns the title of champion for her good karma

she is very temperamental and picks a lot of fights, even if she can't win, but can also talk her way out of a situation in the same breath. growing up, her older cousins taught her boxing and she was a sort of a troublemaker (and a bit of a bully when she was a lot younger). as she grows and finds her morals, she becomes a good person but, like, aggressively good. she will bully you into doing the right thing and bully you into loving yourself, y'know?

what she hates about the developing wasteland is everyone's affinity with technology beyond what is needed for survival (i.e. new reno, the enclave). she would totally join the BOS if that was an option in the game, but reject their personal use of energy weapons and tech. she's a very DIY, nature loving girl preferring to do things "the old fashioned way"

she is also terrified of losing the people she calls family. her companions and her home are all very important to her and she becomes very domestic after the events of fallout 2.

VAULT DWELLER: mary anahid

in vault 13, when the bombs were dropping, an iranian ambassador was granted entry. he had a son, and then he had a son and so forth until mary was born as the first girl in his line (thus how she kept the surname anahid through so many generations).

basic info is that she is skilled in lock picking, small guns and speech.

mary is born with both parents still alive, being the last of three siblings, and they were older and became a bit sickly when she reaches the age of 23, when the events of fallout take place for her. within the vault, her g.o.a.t. was vault loyalty inspector which was ironic because she had a lot of anger towards jacoren. when the water chip broke, and the other vaulties perished not long after being sent out, jacoren decided that sending mary out would be a good way to get rid of her since she was raising a lot of animosity amongst the other dwellers against him.

once she left, she got the water chip on her own because she was very untrusting and wary of people. however, she hooked up with ian, katja and tycho when jacoren sent her back out to stop the mutant invasion. the adjustment to wasteland life was harder than she thought, but she manages. unlike my other ocs, she's very thoughtful and dislikes impulsivity.

also, before finding arroyo near the end of her life, she becomes a stand up comedian and was a bit of a popular act in new reno, before it was the bit city you see in fallout 2. she is very fond of writing and preforming.

SO YEAH feel free to ask questions about them

#anyways thanks for reading if u did #pls pls pls ask abt my ocs #oc: memphis six #oc: winifred #oc: mary anahid #fallout #my posts

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survivormontenegro · 5 years

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Prejury Rites of Passage

youtube

Ali - The undisputed Subway Queen. Somehow, other than maybe JJ, you have ended up as maybe the most talked about player this season, your legacy lives on. Your tribe PSAs about your feelings on the vote were legendary, and I genuinely really enjoyed talking to you. If you are still looking for closure, from my perspective, the reason you left the game was because while we had greater conversations, I’m not sure how much you had talked to the others, and you targeted who was someone who was already well-connected in Mitch, and who was also someone I didn’t want to see go. With that said, you remain a legend, the original robbed goddess of the season, and in Tumblr Survivor: Sandwich Royalty, I can’t wait to watch you snatch first place.

Benj - You were really nice but just didn’t talk much! Queen of subway, queen of stacking sandwiches, queen of telling us you scored over 50 but actually scored 0. We still talk about that iconic moment.

Caeleb - I’m sorry I never got to meet you. The way people talk about you is iconic, so I can only imagine that you are actually are.

Ali - You will without question not remember this, but you played in my first ever season! You were inactive, and basically didn’t message anyone, but you wrote a confessional that I still remember about me being annoying and wanting me to shut my mouth. It seems you knew the truth of my annoying ways before the rest of the cast, so perhaps you are the wokest one of all.

Caeleb - I messaged you about corn. And then we never talked again, and that’s why I think I got your vote. But you seemed really fun, I just wish I got to know you more.

Tom - Hi pal it’s me Tom uhm it was nice to meet someone that i would have never met in my real life as you are into drag so it was nice talking to you for the small portion you were in the game

Ali - Jared, you are the OG crackhead of the season, and I honestly miss you for it. You were such a king, and a pleasure to talk to, but I think from jump you were playing super hard, and spreading stuff back and forth which I think got a lot of early attention on you? So I think when info spread about the Budva idol being found, and about the Mitch vote, people found that frustrating and wanted you out, which played onto my own fears of you playing hard, so I got on board. With that said, I was genuinely very sorry on a personal level to see you go, as I know you had a lot more game in you, and I look forward to seeing you play another game, because you defo DEFO should.

Benj - You were one of my favs from the start and was hoping to go further with you but unfortunately you got a bit too messy! Hope u can do well in future games tho!

Caeleb - The only thing I know about you is that Mitch said, “that’s what you get for targeting me” at your tribal. At least I think it was.

Ali - I LOVE YOU. I doubt you remember me also, but I remember talking to you during Tumblr Survivor: Solomon Islands, both your first season and one of the first seasons which I followed in this community. It was very full circle seeing you play this season, and I was super disappointed to see you go so early, but obviously OG Durmitor saw how iconic you were and didn’t want to compete!

Benj - WILLOW MY QUEEEEEEN. Literally the only person I was friends with before this season and it sucks that once again we never got to play with each other :(( After you left I knew I had to make it far for you I hope youre proud u were robbed!!

Caeleb - I am sad, I really liked Willow. She was undeniably sweet, and she really wanted to do better than her last time in Kuwait. I really wanted to help her out with that and when JJ told me to vote Willow and Willow wasn’t around to make a countermove I knew it was too late. BUT I miss Willow and her super sweet heart, and Benj and I talk about how we had to do well for her honor.

Tom - Robbed honestly kinda sad that u left but unfortunately that’s where majority went 😢

Ali - Okay this season has had many upsetting moments. However, I believe maybe the most upsetting was you sending the picture of the blue wig you wanted to wear in a lip sync challenge to the OG Budva tribe chat. Seeing you wear it the following round, and be sent home right after, was so upsetting, that wig was truly CURSED. You were also kinda cracked apparently, but we were gonna be fellow bad bitches of the tribe which I loved (I may have also voted for you one round but… let's forget about all that NNNN)

Benj - You were iconic in the music vid challenge but we just didn’t have as good of a connection that I found with the new Durmitors on the tribe which is why I ended up siding with them ://

Caeleb - Noah was some guy. He has a vibrant personality and had an interesting mentality towards survivor. It seemed like he was willing to make big moves, and to my favor that didn’t end up working out for him. Regardless, his strategy was unique and his energy was intense and colorful.

Ali - Okay… JJ, hnnngh let’s buckle in. First off, can I just say, apparently you showed your mum my intro, and she said I was a mess… so your mum gets me as a person. Otherwise… you were actually crazy, some highlights being when you wanted to call me when I was coming back from a night out with friends and with them in McDonalds at 5am, or when you wanted to call me 0.5 seconds after I left my prom. In general, while I found you super frustrating lowkey and didn’t particularly appreciate the pseudo-threats you made to my game, I know you genuinely mean well, and hearing stories about your activities in a car park aside, are a good soul really. Just… no more constant calls.

Caeleb - JJ was some kid. When he wanted to call every day in Durmitor I told my friends that I was going to be really upset if he beat me in this game, because I didn’t like that we were calling for hours on end every single day. However, he did include me in talks and was always kind to me, and it actually took me by surprise when I found out that everyone felt that same unease about him. I think that attests to his strength if he were to make it post-merge. Early on that creates a big target, but this could’ve come in as a strength long-term.

Tom - eek cracked legend, as much as you drove me up the wall with all your plans it was cool to reconnect since tengaged uhm say gday to your mum for me and just a tip for next time it’s a marathon not a sprint ❤️

Ali - You were the Siri to my Alexa. While I initially assumed you would potentially be first boot, you became… such a legend, and the way you would message me about votes, while terrifying was also iconic. I also heard you were recruited by Dennis, who is also a king, so if Dennis stans, we do too. Apparently you kind of disappeared/gave up, which is a shame, since I think Siri could’ve fought on and been amazing.

Benj - Challenge beast!! You always put in the best effort that I have seen in chals and sad u vanished at the end hope ur ok!

Caeleb - We had some really fun discussions about his gaming career and the different gaming communities he’s apart of. I honestly thought our connection was pretty friendly and enjoyable, I kinda wish we had kept up our communication after the Noah vote.

Ali - Evan, you were a really sweet guy and on a personal level, I loved talking to you. I think your fate was somewhat sealed by you telling JJ he was going to go home the first swap round, in that it kinda eroded trust in you, and alienated you from the other six members of the tribe. With that said, I do want to apologise to you, for not being around during the second day of the challenge where we had to unscramble the names of the survivor players, and for not helping out enough; it was clear that challenge would determine your fate, and I wish I had done more.

Caeleb - This boy was an icon. I do think he was kinda robbed. Sure, he was paranoid, but TS is just a cluster-f of emotions so like who can blame him. He made crazy connections and always told people that they were his number one. Honestly, I believed him when we were on the same tribe. Either he was goofing me just as he was everyone else, or he actually did trust me. I hope it was the latter!

Tom - oh Evan you really uhm got unlucky with this vote off, I feel like you were so good in the game just unfortunately loyalty kicked your ass :( it was lovely meeting you and hearing about you and your gf cute ass relationship

Ali - Okay, as you said to me, I definitely, definitely have some explaining to do. I genuinely loved our personal conversations throughout this game, but I also have felt since round two of this game, that you were a threat of astronomical proportions and needed to go sooner rather than later. Your win in the lists immunity challenge solidified this, and I consistently considered you a major threat through both the tail end of pre-swap and during the swap. When the merge vote happened, and an opportunity opened up to both remove you and separate you and Jason as a duo, it was an opportunity I had to capitalise on. I genuinely am so sorry for how dirty you were done, and I also hate that you weren’t even on jury, but I hope you can at least take something out of how well you played, while you were in the game.

Benj - Omg Ian I think that you think I voted you/knew about your vote off when really I had no idea you were one of my favs from the start to talk to and it sucks you left so soon before we got to truly play together :((

Caeleb - I got to chat with him for like 3 days, but he seemed like such a sweetheart. We couldn’t talk game because we were both being told that we were on the opposite side of the votes, and it seemed smart to stick with our respective groups. Regardless, our chats were pleasant, fun, and kind, and I honestly could have seen myself working with him throughout the season and going far with him if things were just different. We were pitted against each other, and sadly that’s the way it is

Tom - ahh bromigo honestly by far the most robbed of this season I’m so sad you couldn’t be apart of jury because you deserved it, I’m sure we’ll keep talking after this game and I just want to say thank you for being such an amazing ally and friend probably the person I enjoyed speaking too the most

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