#see if you can find the similarities/ resemblances about the last pic

[mochidoie]

diet pepsi (preview)

listen to - diet pepsi by addison rae na jaemin x reader expected wc - ~ 7k?? teaser wc - 933 genre - a mixture of fluff and hotness, shy!reader, flirty!jaemin warnings - multiple encounters w/ shirtless jaemin, mentions of a "nude" pic, partying/drinking, a makeout session, aloootttt of sensual tension! a/n - ya so that pic jaemin posted on his instagram.... hasn't left my mind since. and what's crazier is that it provoked enough feelings that i had to write something about it. i will also preface that there will be no smut.

Accidentally walking in on your best friend's hot housemate half naked with a towel around his waist in the bathroom was never in your plans. But maybe, it was in his?

** READ HERE **

“Why do you guys have so much Diet Pepsi in your fridge?” There is a slight cadence of disgust in your voice, judgment for the most part, knowing damn well no one drinks Pepsi – let alone Diet Pepsi. 

Mark shuts the fridge door that you’ve left idly open as you rummage through the kitchen cabinets for a snack. “It was a late night purchase. The store ran out of all the good stuff.”

“Now, it’s left taking up space.” You snarl, picking through opened bags of crackers, chips and candy that aren’t sealed properly. “You guys never have good snacks.” Giving up, you make your way upstairs toward the only bathroom in this entire shared house.

“Well, last time I checked, you don’t live here.” Mark hollers from the kitchen, a bit of sass in his statement. “Yet you’re here all the time!”

“You’re overjoyed I’m always here!” Your body leans over the railing of the stairs, calling out to your best friend in an unnecessarily booming voice and a light giggle at the end of your sentence.

Mark doesn’t respond and you’re deep in the hallway in search for the bathroom that is shared between four college men. Although you’re solely Mark’s best friend, the other three guys have welcomed you into their house as they would their own friend.

Honestly speaking, you’re only rambunctiously annoying when you’re just around Mark. His housemates know you as his shy and sweet friend. 

It’s hard for you to open up to others, despite these people being equally as close to Mark as you are. There is just not enough common ground for you to relate to them, as nice as they are when you’re at their house.

Jeno is probably the most similar to you, a man of few words and a smile that resembles a kind puppy. He doesn’t contribute much to the conversation, but he is always laughing at their shared jokes and silly antics. Haechan is the most different from you, playful and Mark’s nightmare at times. Lastly, there’s Jaemin, a man who you’ve found yourself stealing glimpses of whenever he is near. 

Your heart leaps and twirls at any mention of his name, his whereabouts, him. Though, your crush on Jaemin will never come to light. You only let yourself admire from afar, a man as hot and charming as he is already has an entourage waiting on him. And Mark would never let you live it down that you’re practically drooling over his housemate. 

So as you find yourself in front of the bathroom door, you don’t hear the shuffling on the other side. You mindlessly turn the knob and open to reveal Jaemin, shirtless with a towel low around his waist.  

He doesn’t even flinch at the sudden exposure, clearly engulfed in taking a mirror picture. Both of his arms hold up his soft pink phone, his biceps flexing at the simple position. His broad, wide shoulders are on display and all you see is his bare silky skin. You’re gawking, anyone can see at a mile away, hungry eyes tracing the outline of his toned chest and chiseled abs. 

When he finally acknowledges your presence, a big toothy grin appears on his face. Your name rolls off his tongue excitedly, “you’re right. I am overjoyed you’re here.” His lower register catches you off guard and something inside of you spikes at its rumble.

Jaemin watches as you try to find your words, tripping over your own tongue. He drinks up how your eyes bounce between his face and his bare upper body, lost in his canvas. 

“Sorry!” You quickly shut the door, odd that you’re the one embarrassed when he is the one who got walked in on. Running down the stairs, you nearly slam right into Mark, causing him to fall back onto the couch.

“Whoa! Are you in a rush or something?” Mark groans. His eyes widen at your flustered expression. “What happened?”

You’re deciding whether or not you should lie to him, committed to not exposing and embarrassing yourself even further. “Just bumped into Jaemin. Does he normally not lock the bathroom door?”

There is a small quiver in your voice, but you try your best to remain nonchalant and calm. Mark raises a curious eyebrow, a shaky grin grows on his lips. You can’t even imagine all the wild and inappropriate thoughts spinning in this college boy’s head.

“That’s weird. He’s usually good about that stuff.” He snickers, “What did you see?”

“Get your head out of the gutter.” You lightly slap the back of his head, but feel heat spread across the tips of your ears and run its way down to your cheeks. “I didn’t see anything.”

“Bummer, bet you wanted to.” Mark jokes, a fit of giggles erupting from his stomach. 

You roll your eyes and proclaim loudly, “I have no interest in Jaemin.” Liar. The image of his hot body still hasn’t left your mind. It’s catastrophic. Crossing your arms, you plop onto the sofa next to your best friend. 

Right on cue, another voice chimes in. Coming down the stairs, Jaemin dances his hand on the railing. His muscular arms catches your immediate attention as he flaunts around in a tight white tank, his other hand in the pocket of his gray sweats. “Damn, that really hurts my ego, (y/n), especially after you’ve seen me naked just now.” 

Nonetheless, he doesn’t look offended. Instead, a sweet smirk curves upward on his perfect face. You swallow hard, embarrassed and ashamed yet again that Jaemin continues to ruin you. READ HERE

[slushiebonez]

guh kevin short. im not normal. scattered debrief below the cut bc spoilers but. guh.

ft really crusty snipping tool pictures of my youtube browser and my nyan cat playback bar that's currently not working properly lol

First of all kevin parents unboxing? this is awesome

Love the fact that Kevin's bike is actually canon

Kevin's last name starts with a P this is big news (spooky month fans when we get a letter of a person's name)

Skid and Pump's younger designs are SO GODDAMN CUTE?????? I love how Skid's mask looks a bit like a sugar skull, I love how they even sound younger and have those sort of "little kid inflections" in their voices, they're EVEN TINIER GUH and also this is the most face and hair we've seen live on camera from these two

(It makes me a little evil how much Skid's hair looks just like his daddy's damn)

Speak of the hairy devil, first time we've seen the back of their heads I think!

Pump is chubby frfr???? this is so awesomesauce

A lot of delightful Kevin expressions in this one moots I can see at least 15 new pfps for yall :3

SKID CRYING OVER HIS DAD MAKES ME WANNA PUT A FIST THRU A WALL

Also like nowadays when Skid is reminded of his dad he's sad but he doesn't fully break down crying which makes me think that this short took place relatively soon after his demise

WHICH IF WE FIGURE OUT WHEN KEV STARTED WORKING THERE WE CAN FIND OUT AROUND WHEN SKIDDAD BIT CURB HUZZAH

Pump getting starry-eyed at the candy is adorable, but he remains starry-eyed staring at Skid which like. maybe its just bc hes already still hyped over the candy but I'm choosing to read it as him also being happy that his best friend is once again also happy which. ough

WOMAN ALERT. Not only seeing Lila with rounder hair animated is interesting (since from that little bit w/ the picture frames we know Lila cut her hair more angular for Skid), but also convinces me more this is relatively soon after Skiddad's death since she seems very distant and tired (but still loves to see her son happy huzzah <3)

Also thinking about it, Lila cutting her hair more angular for Skid was probably bc of Skiddad's passing, since the angular hair resembles his and Skid's hair way more

See the bag full of bugs is funny to me bc that's such a little kid move. Like Kevin obviously sees it as a nuisance but I don't think the kids see it like that. Like, all the time kids hand you stuff they think is cool or generally fine to hand someone that's actually not, like bugs or frogs or somethin

In the section when the kids bring the box of "for adoption" cats into the candy club to play with, I'd like to think that Michelle adopted those cats, since we know she owns a lot of cats and some of them look similar to cats featured in SM6 at her house

COMPILATION OF VERY IMPORTANT IMAGES:

Goodass picture of Eyes bc for some reason we don't have as many super great pics of him as I'd like

Also the bits of Roy stealing shit during SM4 is deeply entertaining he's such a little shithead and I love him

No curve no spin all gas

Also the fact that the fake blood incident involved water balloons full of the stuff delights me so

More Carmen more diva I love her. If she pulled up at my summer job I'd be fighting demons to not pick a fight

They punked his ass

HELLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO SAILOR

Oh my god they're image limiting me I'm making a part two everyone pony up for the reblog

[eregyrn-falls-art]

Gruß vom Krampus! 

December 5th is Krampusnacht, and I've done some pieces related to that over the years. This year I decided to update my depictions of Stan and Ford in the older two pieces (from 2016 and 2017 respectively), and to put the three all together. The original piece from 2016 was done for the 2017 Hunkles calendar (December of course), and the sequel was done for New Years the following year, with the final pic in the sequence appearing in Dec. 2020.

As I said in the original post, my version of the Krampus is based on looking at traditional folk costumes actually worn by krampus figures in Austria for the Krampusnacht festival.

And finally, just to keep it all in one place: after posting the 2020 piece, I got an ask about the little collection of Pines dolls that hang off of Krampus's basket in the second pic, and that Stan is holding in the last pic. I went into a long explanation (including an overview of the Krampus tradition and celebrations), so I'll put it below a cut here:

fernikart57 asked:

In your Krampus art... what's with that belt, neclace, bead (?) of plushes from the Pines Family?

Okay so like… the explanation is probably kind of dumb.  And it’s me making stuff up, rather than relying completely on the actual folklore.

So the Krampus figure is actually a collection of figures from Central Europe, particularly in the Alps, and the specific traditions associated with the Krampus can vary from region to region and town to town.  Thus, while a set of the Krampus tropes have kind of been exported and caught on in popular culture, that pop culture figure now only resembles *some* Krampus traditions.  I don’t think it’s accurate to talk about “a” Krampus or “the” Krampus, exactly, because of that regional variation.  It’s also worth noting that Krampus celebrations are very much alive in various towns in the Alps.

Generally speaking, though, Krampus is a “wild man” figure, often with a demonic face (mask), a furry body, and goat-like features (especially horns). There are some theories that the basic figure itself is pre-Christian (like a lot of the wild-man traditions of Central and Northern Europe).  (I personally think that’s pretty plausible, given the range of costumes we see.)

After the advent of Christianity, though, the Krampus became associated with “the devil” or demonic figures.  And eventually, in a lot of traditions within the Central European mountain area, Krampus got paired with St. Nicholas, as a kind of tag-team.  St. Nicholas in those traditions is almost certainly one of the origins of Santa Claus, in that he rewards well-behaved children with presents.  (But, traditionally he dresses like a bishop, and not in the outfit that a lot of Americans are familiar with.)  The 6th of December is the Feast of St. Nicholas, so Krampusnacht (”Krampus night”) is the 5th of December.  And Krampus acts as the opposite of St. Nicholas – if presents are a means of encouraging good behavior, then Krampus is the threat used to discourage bad behavior.

So, some of the accreted trappings of the Krampus are a whip and a bundle of birch branches, for beating children / people, and a basket that he carries on his back, into which he puts the naughty children he finds, to carry them off for punishment.  (Obviously, the message there is: don’t be naughty or the Krampus will get you.)  A number of the Krampusnacht traditions involve men costumed as Krampus running wild through the streets, threatening people with their birch branches or whips and so on, making noise (thus all of the bells worn around the neck) and kind of terrorizing people (not just kids), as a set-up for St. Nicholas to come in the next day and reassert order.  (Sometimes it’s only “terrorizing” in an “all in good fun” sense, similar to Halloween scariness; but apparently in some towns, it can get kind of rough.)

So with all of that background… I was originally just looking for a sort of “crytpid” or monster for Stan and Ford to be fighting, with a December theme, for that 2017 calendar piece.  They are encountering more of a magical, “real monster” version (rather than the folkloric ritual version), and therefore I took some liberties with the idea, even though I incorporated a lot of design elements from a variety of real Krampus costumes.

I didn’t want to put any actual children into Krampus’s basket for Ford and Stan to rescue, though (in the original calendar piece, they wouldn’t have been that visible).  But when I did the second piece, I included the doll versions of the four Pines, hanging from Krampus’s basket, as a sort of… symbolic magical threat, an expression of the idea that the Pines are its supernatural targets.  The dolls act as kind of representations of Krampus’s targets, and I also thought of them, in that sense, as a darker reflection of the St. Nicholas gift-giving tradition (still toys, but toys with a sinister meaning). If Krampus was a “real” supernatural being that goes around punishing the “naughty” or “wicked”… then what is its definition of “wicked”, and would it be a fair one, or unfair? 

In this scenario, Stan and Ford are not in the mood to debate with it over whether it is fair to take them to task for being “naughty”, but they are DEFINITELY not going to stand for the idea that the Krampus might go after Dipper and Mabel, so – time to take it down!

Anyway, for more about the actual Krampus, I recommend taking a look at the Krampus article on Wikipedia, or listening to this excellent podcast (which I was listening to as I finished the piece the other day; am very interested in getting that guy’s book!).

[a-salmon-good-time]

Hello, I was practicing with some of your earlier posts and was wondering if you could give any tips on drawing fins(hair, hands, tails, feet[not in a weird way with that last one🤣])? I think I am on a good start but any tips would help.

You're definitely on a good start! As you may've noticed, I like to draw their arm fins with fingers!

When I draw the arms of Salmonids in this style, I keep the shape of fish fins in mind: I usually go for the rounded triangle/half circle shape! I don't always add the "fin lines" (red lines in the 2nd top pic), but when I do it's usually two. I draw the hand itself at the end of their arm.

For how I draw Salmonid feet (haha), I mostly draw 'em like a basic cat/dog foot. These don't resemble fish fins in the slightest, but are fun for me to draw anyhow LOL!!! I still do draw the fish fin lines, and they connect to the toe lines as well:

And finally for tails!

There's not much I can say about the tails here, but for Salmonids I usually draw 'em all zigzag. The tail fins below are some I frequently use in the character designs!

And that's those! I hope these are of some guidance for you (and for anyone who happens to see these and find 'em useful if you're going for a similar artstyle)!!

[sunlightandsuffering]

Good girl Mikasa and bad boy Eren is such a great dynamic for EM. I've seen multiple highschool au's of them with that dynamic and I think it fits so well in modern au's.

Mikasa being such a good girl, so prim and proper which makes Sasha and all her friends think she'll end up dating someone similar, a smart and sensible boy like her best friend Armin. Only for her friends to one day sneak a look at her phone when she's not in the room and they find a photo album titled something cheesy like "❤🥰😚My Most Beloved😻💋❤" and expect their suspicions of her dating Armin to be true.

But then they open the album and the man they see is the last thing they expect. Some super tall guy with long rockstar hair, multiple tattoos, and a chiseled body that resembles a Greek god. They get more than a good look at it since there's tons of shirtless snapchats he's sent her. Him at the gym, him at raves, him fighting in some form of professional martial arts, him getting high, etc. The exact opposite of the type of guy they expected Mikasa to be dating.

The last photo they see as they're scrolling through her gallery is a snap from him asking her to come over, a pic he took while lying down in bed so you can see most of his abs, but for once they're not the focus since below them he's wearing grey sweatpants and has a very noticeable bulge stretching down his leg that he's gripping with one of his hands. The girls gawk at the sheer size of him which is when Mikasa comes back into the room and catches them in the act.

Besides being really embarrassed her friends had discovered her secret boyfriend she first has to assure them that she's not dating a thug, or some dangerous criminal based on the unsavoury assumptions they made based off the pics they saw, that he's not some douchey fuckboy and is actually extremely sweet, protective and loyal.

But once those concerns are out of the way it's all about teasing Mikasa for apparently being into hot bad boys, how they never expected her first boyfriend to be anything like this and confess that they kinda thought she was secretly dating Armin based on how much they hang out which shocks Mikasa. Also pure disbelief about how big her boyfriends cock is and how she's able to take all those inches which has Mikasa blushing immensely but also makes her swell with pride when all the girls agree that they've never slept with a man that big.

ok! Do I finally have time to answer this!! Yes!! I hope! Ugh u know how much fun i find it to incorporate other characters in their romance lol, it's a fave trope I like, the outside looking in!!!

"Sasha," Annie hisses, "Give me back Mikasa's phone!" "No," Sasha tells her petulantly, already typing in the very well known passcode, '0330'. Mikasa had told them it was a lucky number, but they suspect it's the birthday of someone close to her. Despite her vehemence against it, even Annie herself thinks the '03' must have to do with Armin, Mikasa's best friend and possible boyfriend.

She feels a sharp pang in her heart at the thought, Mikasa had been friends with Armin first, and therefore of course it would make sense that they might date. They’ve known each other longer, been friends for longer.

So the possibility they're dating is something Annie has long come to accept, especially with Sasha encouraging it so vehemently. So Annie will concede the blonde boy she has a crush on without complaint, but only to Mikasa.

"Sasha," Annie persists, trying to snatch the phone from the gleeful girl but to no avail. Sasha easily evades, lounging herself across Mikasa's bed, already sleuthing through their friend's phone with ease.

"It's scary how naturally this comes to you." Sasha shrugs, "It's a gift, I've been stalking Mikasa's phone since the seventh grade when she had a crush on this Eren guy in our class and she wouldn't tell me about him." Sasha gives her a serious look over the phone, "It's necessary Annie, I'd never know anything about Miki if I didn't snoop." Annie resigns herself to the fact that this is happening no matter what she does, she just hopes Armin will forgive her for discovering their relationship this way.

Sasha makes disgruntled noises for a few moments as she scrolls through Mikasa's phone, and Annie very reluctantly comes around to see what she's doing, at the very least she can police her.

Sasha is whipping through apps at the speed of light, throwing them up into cyberspace aggressively when they don't yield the results she wants.

"What's wrong?" Annie asks curiously when Sasha makes an irritated noise, "She's gotten better at hiding her shit."

Annie sighs, she doesn't want to think about how many times Sasha has done this. "Aha!" Sasha yells in triumph as she taps into the photos app, "Jackpot." Annie looks over to find a hidden photo album mysteriously labelled, " 'Ren 💜".

By itself the photo album isn't too suspicious, but combined with the emoji and the fact that it's locked, there's no way it isn't incriminating.

Sasha guesses the password on the third try, the same as her phone passcode and despite Annie's misgivings about the whole thing she looks on with Sasha eagerly.

There are a few hundred photos in the album, all very obviously containing a guy, and at first, her and Sasha internally celebrate, assuming it must be Armin, but upon further inspection it is most definitely not their kind blonde friend.

It takes them a solid minute or so to really digest the images they're met with, Sasha clicking on the most recent one in the album and Annie gasps audibly as her brain finally puts together what she's looking at. It's a penis, a very large, very erect, very monstrous penis. "Holy fuck," Sasha whispers, "There's no way this is Armin." Most certainly not, not with a dick like that.

"Stop looking at it," Annie hisses, "At least go to the next one." Sasha reluctantly obeys and they finally get a glimpse of the boy packing so much heat in his pants, and he's hot she'll give Mikasa that, hot in the kind of way she'd never expected prim, proper Mikasa to go for.

He's tall, taller than Armin, probably six feet and with tattoos winding down his wrist into one sleeve, a handsome face complete with green eyes and a smirk that's downright wicked as he looks into the camera, his hand cupping the heavy weight of his cock through his boxers. Whoever, had been holding the camera, which she can only assume was Mikasa had definitely gotten some that night, his eyes promising dirty dirty things to the girl behind the lens.

And as Sasha scrolls farther, their fears are finally confirmed, picture upon picture of the two of them together, cuddled up in bed, half naked, the boy's hand cupping her boobs, nibbling at her neck, sleepy from too many orgasms, and Mikasa, the most shocking part.

She looks nothing like the friend they're used to, covered in hickeys, her body relaxed into his, face twisted in pleasure as she takes selfies while getting railed from behind. It's so explicit she has to look away sometimes, never expecting this of their prim and proper best friend. "We should really stop looking at these." "I can't look away!" Sasha responds in horror, "Is this even Mikasa, are you sure it's not some doppelganger?" Involuntarily, her eyes flash back down to the phone, where a more innocent photo is being displayed, Mikasa, all smiles, beaming at the camera, dolled up in a cute maxi skirt and a crop top while the boy behind her takes the photo, his form engulfing her own, arm clamped around her waist, lips pressed to her cheek. He looks utterly devoted to her too, it's actually kinda cute. "Okay i can't do it, we have to go back to look at his dick again there's no way Mikasa is--" Sasha is cut off as Mikasa opens the door, carrying a tray of cookies and milk, excitedly chattering about the different cookie varieties she's brought up from her collection. She almost drops the plate as she notices her phone in Sasha's hand, her face going white. "Shit," she curses, "How much did you see?" "MIKASA HOW BIG IS HIS DICK?" The normally calm Mikasa's face scrunches up in annoyance as she resigns herself to it, "It's like 8 inches at least." Sasha lets out an erratic squee next to her and Annie explodes, "What about Armin?" Mikasa sets her cookies down, snatching the phone from her friend and locking it firmly, "What about him?" "Aren't you two dating?" Sasha questions and Mikasa makes an immediate noise of disgust, "No way, he's like my brother."

Annie hates herself for feeling instantly relieved by the news, and Mikasa sighs, "That's Eren you were looking at, he's umm, my--" "Fuckbuddy?" "Boyfriend," Mikasa corrects and Sasha makes a noise of surprise, "No way, that's not boyfriend material, Mika, no, he's going to play you like a fiddle." Mikasa huffs in irritation, their prim, proper friend showing one of her rare hints of genuine emotion, genuine rage, always so calm and collected, "No, he's my boyfriend and we've been dating for like two years now Sasha." "WHAT!?" "You remember Eren? My seventh grade crush," Mikasa shrugs, absentmindedly unlocking her phone to admire her photo album of them, "We never really stopped talking and the rest is history."

She absently traces his face on the screen and both Annie and Sasha almost explode with the truth of her answer. Not only has their innocent friend hid a boyfriend for close to two years, but she's also dating one of the sketchiest looking guys they've ever seen.

Well, at least it's not Armin she supposes, maybe she finally has a chance!

[zenmom]

Here are some old art I made…

The first one in 2020 and the 2nd

At the end of May (the MerMay challenge2021) you can make some art out of this and finalize it in your artstiyle (why must I type so fast to make som e mistakes like this?)

Anyways….

Here is the grand seek peak of a new cover! Can you guess which crossover AU this is?

[thejustmaiden]

So out of nowhere I was tagged and quoted by a SR shipper for a blog of mine posted in August of last year. Talk about throwback but, hey, gotta appreciate that level of snooping. 😉

Back in the day I actually used to encourage discourse amongst Inuyasha fans- both shippers and antis alike- but I've since realized that it's a lost cause. But for you, @feministmetalgreymon , I'll grant this exception. Just 'cause it's been a while so why the hell not. haha

I want to assure you, however, that nothing you say will ever convince me that Sesshomaru and Rin are meant to be together romantically or that the story intended it so. Nor will you find any validation here. You can ship them for all I care, but please for all that is good and holy while I have your attention try- I mean really try- to understand why it is so many of us Inuyasha fans are so against this pairing in the first place (newsflash: it's not about ship wars), and why we believe a romance between the two of them is completely and utterly out of character.

For those of you interested in reading this, the blog of mine in question that the above shipper mentions in their counter-argument is here for reference. It's titled "Jaken = Rin's Dad?" I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'm also making no such promises. After all, I'm not exactly known for my brevity. haha Now let's get crackin'!

Like you, feministmetalgreymon, did for your recent blog here where you took screenshots of mine to address certain parts, I will be doing the same and dissecting yours accordingly.

[Snippet 1]

I worked with kids for many years as a teacher, and many people in my family have too or still do. Two of them happen to be just over 5 feet which is quite short for the average adult woman living here. I've also worked alongside many a women of short stature, and never did I hear any of them complaining of issues with their students having difficulty differentiating them from their own peers just because they were short as well. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. Kids are quite smart and pick up on a lot more than you seem to give them credit for. Height is not the only characteristic they look at to determine who's an adult and who's not, and it's foolish to suggest otherwise. So unless you're a babysitter who's still in their teens and/or who has very childlike features or behavior then I'm afraid what you're getting at is total hogwash. This is just another example of how you shippers offer nothing of real substance to your reasoning, it's only ever cherry-picking or strawmanning from you guys. Stop deflecting from the real issues please, because this certainly isn't one and only winds up being a complete waste of time for all parties involved.

[Snippet 2]

Okay, calm down now. I wasn't insinuating that relationships between parents and children can't change over time in terms of how they get along. Of course that's possible, as all families experience their fair share of estrangement and abuse. What I was speaking about was in reference to the overall dynamic between the two. Because a bad mother or father can still be viewed as a parental figure to their child even if say they're not in said child's life anymore. Since Sesshomaru and Rin share a healthy bond- and just a friendly reminder that in my blog I even said that he doesn't have to necessarily be labeled her father but that a romantic relationship later would still be inappropriate- I didn't deem it necessary to address what you brought up. Plus, it kinda, umm, misses the point?? Please, let's stay on topic. And it's not captured in the screenshot, but stop acting like there isn't a small part of them that idolizes their parents at some point during childhood. Just like you mention later on how it's normal for kids to have innocent crushes on adults that they eventually grow out of? Well, guess what, the same concept applies here. Kids eventually learn that their parents are far from perfect and make mistakes too. Rin is so damn young in the OG series though that we never even get to see her reach that maturity level.

[Snippet 3]

LOL! Alright, okay, so the "unbreakable bond" bit you're mentioning was actually me quoting you sessrinners. Did you not catch that? I literally spelled it out. *sigh* The whole point I was making is that shippers like yourself make hypocritical and contradictory statements all.the.goddamn.time. One moment you guys claim that Sesshomaru and Rin were essentially strangers and meant very little to each other, only to say in the same breath a few seconds later that they were destined to be together and their bond is like no other. I agree, their bond is special, but why must that mean they're going to fall in love?

That is the root of the matter here. Too many animes/mangas have romanticized this older adult man & young girl growing up falling in love trope that it's become way too normalized and widely accepted across the world- and yes, in some cultures more than others. Sadly, you lack the awareness to recognize how this all works. You know how we know that? When we see that you shippers are so desensitized to sexualized images of girls in the media that you share posts like this one below which *subtly* imply a future romance although one half of that pairing is still just a child in the pic and then try and pass it off as cute. That's like super fucking problematic and it scares me that you can't see that (or deny you do). 🤢

After all that's said and done, Sesshomaru leaving Rin in the village with Kaede is to me the strongest indicator more than pretty much anything else he's done for Rin that proves he is her adoptive father. It's so funny to me how you somehow see the exact opposite though. 🤔 What I think is happening is that you got yourself on some squeaky clean ass shipper goggles fresh out of your little echo chamber. Because I hate to tell you, but what you're fantasizing is what you want to see and not what's actually there on screen or was written into the story. I'm strictly talking about Inuyasha and the manga of course. [For the TL; DR version skip to the last paragraph.]

Parents looking after their kids is what parents are supposed to do. A good parent will do anything to keep their child safe and ensure they are cared for, so what he did for her by leaving her there was in her best interests clearly. Besides, as a babysitter, you more than most people should understand that parents aren't always able to be there for their kids so sometimes others gotta step in to help. Haven't you heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" Which in Rin's case is literally true! 😂 Sometimes kids are even sent off to stay with grandparents and that's who raises them instead. Or maybe they have to temporarily live with an aunt or uncle because their single parent's job requires they work out of town 4-5 days of the week so they're hardly home. But that doesn't mean that the parents care or love their kids any less, and it's foolish to assume that Sesshomaru must have thought very little of Rin simply due to the fact that he made the decision to leave her in the village. Come on, y'all are acting like he abandoned her there!!

It's just given the circumstances Sesshomaru finally came to learn that Rin traveling with him was no longer safe. I also like to think it's because he wished for her to live a more normal life and to learn how to fully trust humans again. Plus, continuing to travel with him as young as she was would have proven dangerous and unwise. Now for you to know all this and still manage to turn his past actions towards her while she was just a child into a romantic gesture is what boggles my mind. Regardless of how you look at it, from my perspective or your own, Sesshomaru is in the wrong. Either he's a father figure who impregnates his daughter at the young age of approximately 14. OR he's this man she used to travel with who maybe isn't a father to her but who nonetheless basically rapes her since kids her age can't consent to sex with an adult. Idk about you but it sounds to me like nobody here wins with either scenario we're given. In other words, you should be just as mad as we are. If only one side didn't choose to forsake their morals they know we both have in common for the sake of a ship. Welp. 🤷‍♀️

I agree, incest is disgusting but that's not the only problem we have with this pairing. A romantic bond forming between Sesshomaru and Rin would also constitute as grooming.

You realize that over the years he visited her in the village that he brought her gifts too and essentially watched her grow up right before his very eyes, right? I mean, I know you do, but I really shouldn't have to explain further why pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with each other is plain and simple wrong. And before you say it's not because he didn't have any malintent, please understand that considering their history and power dynamic up to then that yes this is still considered grooming even if Rin supposedly "wanted it" or "made the first move." Whether you consider him her father or not, as the adult who took on a role resembling that of a caretaker in her early life- a critical developmental time for a child- Sesshomaru is obligated to turn down any advances by Rin and most definitely should not initiate any himself. As the first close adult figure she's had in her life since her parents died, it's unfathomable to imagine how Sesshomaru could go through with taking advantage of this young girl who was under his care and supervision since they met. To think he could be capable of betraying that trust sickens me to the core.

This. Now THIS is how a parent/guardian or a similar adult caretaker (babysitter, teacher, etc.) talks to a child. And, in turn, this is how some young children talk to adults. You'd be insane and delusional to deny it! We see it in our everyday lives, do we not? From where else do you think our stories draw most of their inspiration? Yes, obviously these fictional universes have aspects of fantasy that don't exist in the real world, but so how then do you suppose we're able to relate to them? The reason for that being is because these stories are written by people for people, so naturally there are going to be real life aspects embedded throughout. Sure, a little escapism doesn't hurt as we don't need to take everything so seriously, but ultimately we all need to recognize that the messages in the stories we tell matter. Most stories possess a combination of both light and dark themes, but when it specifically comes to the latter we gotta be careful with how we tackle this in children's media since kids are far more impressionable.

So if at the center of a story we have two of the main protagonists whose mom is basically their same age and to top it off she knew their dad when she was just a girl and who just so happened to help raise her, wouldn't you say that's beyond fucked up or at the very least so fucking weird? Like why would we think it's even remotely okay for our children to watch this garbage?? Really think about it. Try and be objective for once and think about how it would sound explaining this storyline to an outsider who's never watched IY or HNY. Well, antis have tried this before many times and we always get the same reaction: Ewww!

Like I said earlier, if you wanna ship it then fine, but 1) please stop seeking our approval or trying to change our minds - your ship wish came true didn't it, so why do you need us to validate it? 2) even though it's not canon, respect that we don't support this sequel portraying pedophilia in a positive light. It's harmful af to not only allow but glorify the continuation of sexualized images of young girls everywhere. And I shouldn't have to say this, but just because this trope is popular as you say does not make it right. Lolicon themes in the media have been an issue forever and it needs to stop. Yes, even some people in Japan or "the East" would agree. Shocker!

We're pissed off and rightfully so because Yashahime's TV rating is 14, not to mention it airs at the prime time kids in Japan watch TV after getting home from school. That's Towa and Setsuna's age, true, but if Rin being the mom when she's like only a year older than them (please don't argue w/ me about the math- antis have so far been right every time with it) is straight-up disgusting and not something we should be supporting or endorsing. Rin's a whole ass child!! Please don't start with the "but times were different then so her having kids at 15 is acceptable" argument either, because we've already debunked that and every other single excuse you guys throw at us. Besides, how or why would you expect young viewers to know these historical "facts" anyway, especially if as you suggest fiction doesn't affect reality so what does it matter? Yet here we are, arguing over a fictional show in real life almost a year and a half into the "Sesshomaru fucks?" sequel being announced. My ass, your ass, hell all our asses fiction doesn't affect reality!

Look, I do apologize if the tone of this blog came off as snippy or condescending at times. I do not wish you any ill will, it's just I'm not really sure what you expected to get out of all this besides maybe getting on my nerves perhaps. haha A lot of you shippers have been desperately scrambling to interact with us, lurking in our tags, jumping onto our posts screaming canon and getting so defensive even though you sought us out first. We've been sticking to our tags, so how about you stay in your lane too. By the way since we're on the topic, have you seen Twitter or Reddit?! SR shippers there are the actual worst and many Inuyasha fans (not just antis) have complained of not feeling welcomed to engage in fandom spaces anymore. Shippers swarm them and scare them off simply because fans don't like your ship and refuse to accept it. It's pathetic, really. No one should ever be bullied or harassed just because they don't like something you might. We're all fans of Inuyasha, aren't we? So let's act like it. Yashahime on the other hand, you guys are welcome to that pungent heap of trash. Fans have a right to criticize it too, but if you like it then good for you, so keep on liking it and don't mind us.

I'm almost done, but real quick back to Jaken! Let's not forget about how the official Yashahime website- which came out after my blog, mind you- described Jaken. This translation isn't the best one available but it's the only version a fellow anti friend could track down. They do recall a better one done by a native Japanese speaker who was also an anti, and that member confirmed that Jaken is indeed called Rin's babysitter. So you see, I was right in my interpretation. In the original post I did compare Jaken to a brother, but after talking to others (some comments can be found under said post) I did acknowledge that he's more of a reluctant babysitter who's not related. And if he's not at least a brother to Rin, then he's definitely not her father.

At the end of the day, the creator Rumiko Takahashi has the final word. Which is guess what? Hogosha. 💖 Probably should've just started out with that and saved us all the trouble, huh? Good day/night to you.

Papamaru bids you adieu now. 🤞

[pianostarinwonderland]

I’m seeing some drama pop up around the new event concerning Rollo, I hope the fandom will act maturely and not to blow things out of proportion this time around.

Ask 3: On a separate note, the amount of discourse surrounding him has the fandom divided and it’s kinda funny (as long as we’re not harassing anyone over diff opinions). Like some ppl love him and some hate him. My only thing is that bc he hasn’t done anything diabolical to warrant any major hate from me so he’s cool, and idk if ppl notice but twst characters are not direct copies of the villain they’re inspired by. They take notable characteristics sure but for some they change it up so much that they have two different characters. Hades is outwardly confident and has not problem socializing w ppl, now compare that to Idia. They’re pretty diff with the only exception is that they can talk fast when they want and are cocky, but w Idia it’s in spurs. Also with Vil, they were able to make a pretty static, run of the mill Evil Queen villain into a hard working, role model-esque celebrity. Either way his uniform be popping off and I would not mind wearing it. Plus their school get nice magic rings so that’s a win too.

Ask 4: tho most of the fandom, so far from what ive seen, has just been headcanoning him as a ripoff scaramouche from genshin - violently cold, the grinch, a highschool mean girl, homophobic (thats a meme i think), and aggressively catholic (i dont disagree with that due to what villain he's based on but no way to know for sure just yet). all that. like stereotypically those themes, despite us not even having a proper introduction from him yet/not having seen enough of him to see how he's truly like (we only have a few frames, non translated i dont think). the fandom just see's 1 pic of character with a frown/neutral expression and goes wild with it.. which makes me kinda sad :( just cuz their based on a villain doesnt mean their batshit evil- that goes for a lot of the cast already.

Putting the last 2 asks as text here since they are both part of much longer asks that I want to give a separate post to respectively.

Since the next part is coming out today and I have some time on my hands, I think it’s about time I give my thoughts about the elephant in the room regarding Rollo. I think the discourse died down a bit for the time being, but with the next four parts that will still come out from today till November, it's not impossible for it to revive depending on what happens next.

To sum up what has been happening in the fandom, there are a lot of mixed responses with TWST Frollo becoming real. Some are very excited about this, but others are uncomfortable due to the racism that Frollo aims at the Romani people. A few Romani people on Twitter have apparently spoken up about their sentiments and discomforts, and the discourse started from there. It doesn't help that the Kohaku article "The Disney Villains Game is Having a Horny Racism Controversy" fanned the flames further.

For starters, my stances and sentiments are very similar to @raven-at-the-writing-desk’s, which you can find over here. As the anons in asks 3 and 4 have stated, we don't know much about Rollo enough that we could make a fair judgment. Even if this event concludes in a month, I think we'll come out of it with more questions than answers since it seems pretty clear that he will make an appearance in main story (what with him having a formal introduction and an official voice). We don't know yet how much he'll resemble Frollo, nor do we know how much traits he'll share with Quasimodo. Something important to consider is that nobody in TWST is truly evil. Rather, they're people who have their shitty sides and good sides, who have made shit choices and good ones, and I doubt this will change with Rollo. All that I have to say on this matter is (a) to not define Frollo, and thus Rollo, for the racism they exhibit, and (b) to not jump into conclusions and assumptions about a character we barely know.

As for the racism, I think that the problem itself is not the presence of racism but how the racism is presented. It's one thing for racism to be presented. It's another thing for the racism to be glorified, and it's yet another thing for the racism to be condemned. If TWST glorifies Rollo's racism or even just ignores it, there's going to be a problem there. But if Rollo's racism is condemned (via the characters' disgust, etc.), then it will depict racism in a bad light. And so far, TWST has been pretty good with depicting that racism is a no-no, particularly with Sebek's way of talking to humans (Silver and Riddle would reprimand him for the way that he speaks. You can see this in chapter 5 and in Riddle's robe story). Either way, I believe that Frollo's racism should not be swept under the rug and should be something that is addressed here, especially considering the conflict that is being set up in chapter 7 with the whole fae vs humans thing.

I really do get the worries. Even I'm waiting for the next part with scrutiny because I want to see how they will handle Rollo. But I think we should be less rash about our judgments and see what happens first. Let's also be careful of where we get our translations from too since we do have some sketchy ass tlers around. If you need any clarifications on what happens in the event, ask any trustworthy tler or even me. But as the first anon said, I hope we're all mature about this and not blow things out of proportion. ^^;;

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Thoughts on the SDCC Trailer

Okay, I’m sorry this has taken so long for me to get together, but here are my thoughts (and some of those of my fellow theorists) about the trailer from Comicon.

TWDMusicBoxMystery:

Daryl smashing into the storm trooper with his motorcycle feels very Star Wars.

This scene is hauntingly similar to Daryl lying next to the walker in 6x06, Always Accountable:

@wdway:

Does anyone know who that person is that Maggie is over looking at?

TWDMusicboxmystery:

No. I was wondering too. Kinda looks like a walker, except not decomposed enough. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

@galadrieljones:

This shot REALLY interests me. 

I didn’t think of the 6.6 parallel but yeah I totally see what you mean. Also Judith’s hair looks DARK. Just an observation. Could just be the lighting. Or could be they’re playing up Lori in her resemblance. 

@wdway:

I'm in love with this shot. The tile is shown side was so that it appears as a diamond shape which ◇=Beth but if you turn the tile it's a square and black can ■=Rick. I thought of Always Accountable first but also Inmates with Judith taking Beth's part.

@galadrieljones:

I thought of Inmates too!! I’m really really curious about this shot. Daryl unconscious is very disconcerting.

This promo poster is interesting, re: the map we last saw in "Coda."

TWDMusicBoxMystery:

Helicopters over the sun. Clearly a CRM tie in. But it’s super cool to think that back in s5, this was already a symbolic foreshadow of the CRM. I wonder what ELSE from s5 was a symbolic foreshadow tied to the CRM.

I was thinking this herd reminded me of the group Michonne followed in her last episode. If you look at the skyline, they’re headed toward a huge civilization. It’s probably the CRM.

Here’s the shot of him carrying Judith.

TWDMusicBoxMystery:

Definitely feels like the walker side by side theme. I agree that Judith is taking Beth’s place. In the bridal carry as well. And even Daryl saying, “I wish things were how you want them to be (Beth) but I gotta keep you safe (also Beth).”

I got more screenshots and analysis. Coming at ya.

Okay, so I went over the trailer frame by frame. You said they didn’t include Leah or Connie, @wdway. They actually did, but only very quickly. From what I can tell, they just did a few key scenes from each season. I want to look over what they used a little more to see if I can find any patterns. 

Once they got to s11, they showed a lot more scenes of what happened, in more detail because it was more recent, but so fast you can hardly see them. Leah was in there, but I do agree that she isn’t meant to be terribly important in the grand scheme of things. She just so happens to be recent. 

Of course, it culminates with Maggie and Daryl walking through the grass. Then we get to the new stuff starting with Lance. I won’t go over every shot. Just the ones I found interesting. We hear Daryl say, “you wanna die quick? Or you wanna die screaming?” During part of that, we see CW soldiers marching into Alexandria. You can see the windmill behind them.

Then we see some dark woods. Looks like two women standing on a rooftop, looking at walkers. I lightened it up, but still can’t tell much. Might be Connie and Kelly?

Lance trying to get into some cars, and then some burnt and overturned train cars.

There’s one of Jerry and the kids fleeing from something. Interesting, given all our theorizing about the kids being in danger.

There are quite a few of Connie wearing that beanie, which is from those leaked pics of when Daryl is carrying Judith. 

Something bad must happen there because we see lots of stricken faces, Kelly crying with blood on her face, and at one point, Connie keeping her from shooting someone or something.

People being arrested, like Zeke and Max. 

Eugene beating up a CW soldier. 

Judith with her sword. Apparently, she’s gonna forsake the school dress and go back to the katana. 

Gunfire breaking out in the train station. Daryl and Carol stabbing some dude in the head. 

Daryl with Lance at knifepoint.

About Daryl smashing his bike into the CW soldier? He slides right under a fallen tree trunk. I don’t know what’s going on there, but I feel like there must be some symbolism in that.

Rosita climbing a drain pipe and reaching for someone. I think it might also be part of this scene where someone leaps over the walkers onto a brick building. Can’t tell who it is, but might be Gabe.

This pic with Maggie is super interesting too. It, also, mirrors 6x06, Always Accountable, with the black helmeted walker Daryl laid next to replaced by the white of the CW. And there are train tracks reaching into the distance, along with the bike. Just loaded with important symbolism.

Daryl and Connie descending into a tunnel. Remember a few days ago when a call sheet said Daryl and Connie walk through a tunnel? I’m sure this is that scene. I’m noticing a lot of green….

This scene is interesting. I think it could be part of that same scene where Daryl carries Judith. If you look at the people coming up behind them, they all look the same as in those pics. But he suddenly stops, looks terrified, and yells fall back.

I was assuming it was walkers coming at them. And of course, the promo doesn’t show what he’s so scared of. But if you look here, it looks like a black vehicle of some kind is block the road. You can see the tires on either side of his hips. 

I think it must be a weapon of some sort (hwatcha maybe?) sitting in a jeep or truck.

So, this kind of makes it seem like Rosita will die. Lots of shots of her looking trapped or distressed. 

But I gotta say, after watching it frame by frame, I think it’s more likely to be Gabriel. First, because they’re trying to make us think it’s Rosita. But also we see a lot of Gabriel. We see him looking at a knife, saying something about people remembering the last thing you ever do. Maybe the Sirius character will finally pass.

There’s a part where Lydia is reaching for Elijah, and it looks like he may die. 

But again, if they’re showing that in the promo, chances are it won’t play out that way.

We see Carol and Maggie kicking in doors. Then Daryl and Judith on the floor. Lots of final shots of all the main characters’ faces. It ends with the close up shot of Daryl carrying Judith. And then we get the coda with Aaron.

SUPER interesting stuff! 

Random stuff: this captive walker is interesting.

This one is trying to break through glass with a flame on it.

Good Daryl hair.

Because of this pic:

And then there are the parts where they’re running and Daryl is carrying Judith look like Terminus, I almost feel like it’s a replay of that. The pic of TF around the burning barrel reminds me of everyone meeting in the dark tunnel in 4b, when Maggie and Glenn were reunited. They talked about going to the “end of the line” tomorrow. And then they went to Terminus. Almost feels like a symbolic replay of that. And of course, that was right before Grady.

I think that's all I have for now. Will rewatch 20 times.

@galadrieljones

Yeah I also saw a black vehicle [behind Zeke]? Somewhere above you said you thought the big group of walkers could be a CRM “column.” I agree. Beginning with Lance, too, in what seems to be a judgment type scenario? And we see him like this or else in jail, mostly. Makes me wonder if Lance won’t be resolved quickly, leading to the Miltons, and something happening w TF getting too close to the CRM, and the CRM sending a “column” to the CW to eliminate the threat. 

That’s what I thought when Ezekiel shouts for them all to “fall back” per the glimpse of the black vehicle. I am thinking back now to the phone on the boat with Rick’s name, and a picture of Judith and Michonne. I read in an old post that some people thought Jadis had drawn the picture, and I began to wonder why she’d do that. I wondered if it could be to help jog Rick’s memory, if he lost his memory at all, re: Beth, Madison. 

In Slabtown, they ask Beth if she remembers her name. She answers hesitantly. The whole “what’s your name” theme is even echoed with the saviors, ie: What’s your name? My name is Negan. Saviors were expected to forget who they were in favor of the collective. Just some vaguely connected thoughts. 

Anyway, Jadis knows about Judith. It all has me wondering if a Judith WILL be abducted after all. If Rick has made some demands, or Jadis is on his side (which I know we’ve speculated, ie: that Jadis is working as a double agent in the CRM and is actually a “good guy”). Or could be bad guys got ahold of intel and want to bring Judith in to “bribe” Rick into surrendering, giving up, etc. Anyway just some rambling about Judith and the CRM and how this could lead to not just the Rick/Michonne spin-off but also the Daryl spin-off, and how the two could eventually converge.

Also, did anybody watch the Tales trailer? There is one shot that definitely takes place at Terminus, and a character who is studying the “psychology” of walkers. A lot of it looked a little campy tbh, but still looking forward to seeing what kinds of clues they might use Tales to plant for season 11.

@twdmusicboxmystery

I had a similar thought about the CW being resolved quickly. It just doesn't seem like a big enough conflict to take them through the end of the show. And historically, the trailer tends to mostly be the first 1-3 episodes. Could be wrong. But it would be interesting if the CRM comes to quash the CW because they saw it as an insurrection, and that's how TF is finally introduced to them.

@galadrieljones:

Definitely. My question then is, what is the ending? Obviously lol. Very odd to “end” the show by introducing a major faction. I am just so curious as to how they’re going to do it. Will they go a weird thematic route? Close the themes of the show but open new doors to new plots? I imagine that even tho they have all these spin-offs coming, they want the show to feel “resolved” in some way. So I’m curious about how they’re going to do that and still create enough open-endedness to entice fans to keep up w the universe…? Will they bring in Rick, somehow? Will they do some thematic “time travel,” end where we began? Just so many possibilities.

@twdmusicboxmystery:

I have several asks in my inbox from people who think Rick will be in it. I think it’s possible, but if they do that, it will probably just be a final teaser scene or coda. Can’t wait to find out tho!

@wdway:

This picture I found while scrolling TWD on tumblr. Carol/MMB has a cookie in her mouth while Daryl/Norman is eating something pink, yogurt? maybe strawberry ice cream? With a white spoon. Who has a spoon as their symbol? Norman also happens to be wearing a black and white shirt. Coincidence maybe or not.

Just read a Comicbook article that there will be a Talking Dead preview show on Sunday August 7th. It was a little bit confusing but I believe they're going to cover both part C of TWD and talk some about tales of the dead. Definitely will be wanting to watch that.

@galadrieljones:

I have to say I’m kind of suspicious about how much here has revolved around Rick. Not much to be said about Daryl at all. His spin-off is still a total mystery, and we know that Carol won’t be in it with him. I will say I’m a bit curious as to what is going on with Daryl’s character. Gimple l said he’d get his romance. And yet. Crickets. Leah was a literal decoy. Looks like Beth, but a horrific inversion. I am somewhat disappointed in the lack of Daryl focus, since he’s really the hero now. 

Don’t get me wrong I LOVE Rick and am super excited, but I feel that’s a okay to entice viewers to come back to the franchise. I just can’t see them lopping off Daryl’s character like this without some sort of promise that he’ll find love, finally get to have “nice things.” I hope it’s not wishful thinking, but at this point, Daryl’s arc is verging on pure whump. He has earned a reward, and the fact they’re deflecting so much onto Rick makes me curious. Esp since Emily is learning lines. Idk.

Perhaps Rick and Michonne’s reunion will serve as a primer for this sort of thing, ie: long lost loves coming together. There hasn’t been a good epic romance in TWD really since Rick left. The closest we got really was Henry and Lydia, and ofc that ended tragically, and they were young. This season it’s Eugene and Max, but they’re solved. They’re happy. The decoy was removed. Just staring to get antsy for Daryl. Like we know he’s a badass warrior and a wonderful uncle to Judith and RJ. Time for him to get a little something for himself.

@frangipanilove:

Oooh! Got actual chills while watching the trailer. Feels so good to finally be fed.

I’m only in the beginning stages of catching up, but the Daryl/Judith side-by-side stood out the most. Also, the bridal carry from the spoiler pics from a while back screams Beth/Grady entanglement to me, literal or symbolical, the imagery is the same. Whatever it ultimately means, I’m exited about it. 

Also, Aaron mentions the intelligent walkers, which we’ve of course known about since World Beyond. So it’s no surprise they’re going to be a massive presence in the future, but nice to have it confirmed. And again, it brings me back to the juxtaposition of Morgan’s “it’s the fever that kills” and Alicia’s “isn’t the fever supposed to kill the infection”. The end is the beginning , there’s a massive paradigm shift happening and I feel very strongly that there’s going to be a cure/treatment/vaccine/immunity in the works, because that’s what we learned from Alicia’s symptoms, when the fever for the first time didn’t kill. 

I’m going to have to watch the trailer a million times, but my first impression is that the Daryl/Judith side-by-side, with the blue Diamond is a massive “hello” to us from tptb. Also, suuuuper happy to hear about the Rick and Michonne spin-off. I’ve missed Rick. Good to have him back.

Oh yah. Daryl sliding his bike under a tree trunk gives me massive tree/three/trunk vibes.

The gun Daryl is holding, is that Rick’s Colt Python that Judith kept?

Ooh, also love the map/katana combo with the helicopters in the background. Lots of ways to interpret that.

@wdway:

It's Maggie leaning over another person. We don't know who that is laying down. Looking at it I'm wondering if it could be a smart Walker. If you look at the face it looks very veiny and dead looking so maybe they're going to show us some of these smart walkers. That's just my guess.

@frangipanilove:

Yeah thought it looked like a walker as well, but I thought perhaps Maggie knew him. And I couldn’t quite determine if it even was Maggie, but that would be my guess too.

Also, this crochet black and white …owl?

Don’t know what to make of it yet, but it screams symbolism to me…

@wdway:

I had no idea what it was supposed to be I just noticed the black and white combination. I kind of wondered if it was in the shape of a phoenix but the Wise Owl especially when it's seen with the wise Eugene.

@galadrieljones:

Hey Frangi! Love all your observations and looking forward to more!! I am certain that’s Rick’s Colt. I see it as an important moment because It’s Daryl “picking up the gun” after Rick put it down, and Rick “putting down the gun” in the “A” flashbacks is what starts the chain of events that leads to Coda. It epitomizes the false dichotomy of kill or be killed, or wolves vs. cattle. 

The last time Rick sets down his gun, it’s as the shepherd, when he uses it to blow up the bridge and shepherd the walkers into the river, away from his flock. Michonne and Judith both pick up his gun after that, but I believe that Daryl, as the hero, picking up the gun is sort of like Rick passing the torch, and another signal toward a Coda “reset.” 

We’ve been talking so much lately about all the coda replays in the series, like in “New Best Friends” and also “What We Become.” But a full reset, like what we see in “Them,” idk if that’s happened yet. Because even after Rick “dies,” the world doesn’t reset. It’s more like it keeps attempting to go on without him, without a hero at the helm. The hero is supposed to be Daryl, and it’s like he’s finally taking up that mantle.

No mention at all of Daryl’s future or spin-off. All attention has been funneled into the Rick spin-off!!

@twdmusicboxmystery:

The other thing this makes me think of is 7x08, when Rick and Daryl hugged it out and Daryl returned the Colt to him after Negan took it. I didn't figure it out right away, of course, but as we started to learn more about the CRM, I started to realize that was a foreshadow of Rick and Daryl being separated when Rick went into the CRM, and then them reuniting at some point down the road. 

I totally agree that Daryl carrying the colt would signal him taking up Rick's mantle as leader, but when it comes to the actual CRM war, I think Daryl will return that mantle to Rick, via the Colt, so that Rick will be the over arching leader, and Daryl will be his trusted right hand man and general. Which is how it should always be, imho.

@galadrieljones​:

I totally forgot about this. This is great. Daryl giving Rick his gun back can signal a couple things, a big one being that he knows he’s not “ready” yet to be the hero. And I love the idea of Daryl handing Rick the reins in the CRM war. But hopefully at that point it will be because Daryl has a new fight, aka: with Beth. Daryl’s journey has always been about being loved and finding love. He’s a romantic hero, in a way. And I think in this he is happy to be Rick’s “wing man,” or his lieutenant, particularly in “the Big Fight.”

@frangipanilove:

Love all your thoughts on the gun stuff. My first thoughts was that it could potentially be a parallel to the scene where Carol gave Daryl Beth’s knife in 5x10. You might remember my arm = weapon rant from a while back. My hypothesis is that weapons are synonymous with arms, and that Beth’s knife and Rick’s pistol are synonymous because they are their respective signature weapons. And Rick’s gun was found on the river bank. 

After FM I kept talking about how the river symbolized a borderland area between the realms. I feel like that’s what we see when Michonne finds his gun on the river bank. It parallels how we saw Jadis find Rick on the riverbank, barely alive, but alive. The gun represents Rick being alive. When Carol gave Beth’s knife to Daryl in 5x10, it symbolized her life and her character. The difference is that we the audience knew Rick wasn’t dead, while the audience was led to believe Beth was really dead. But of course TD knows how Rick and Beth are entangled in all kinds of parallels, so I see Beth’s knife as a proof of life, same as Rick’s gun. 

The shot of Daryl looking at the gun in the trailer reminds me somewhat of how he was holding and looking at Beth’s knife in 5x10. My hope is that the scene in 11C is similar enough for us to know that it’s a parallel to Beth’s knife, which would constitute yet another parallel between Rick and Beth. Of course this reasoning could all fall apart if the scenes are nothing alike, but it’s definitely something I’ll be on the lookout for.

Plus, there something about these two shots that triggers my TD brain…

[wangxiangiftexchange]

Lunar New Year Gift for vedrividia!

Pairing: Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji; past Wei Wuxian/Other (implied) Rating: Mature Warnings: brief depiction of sexual harassment, brief instance of misgendering, implied/referenced past suicide attempt, implied/referenced past sexual assault (off-screen), implied/referenced past forced pregnancy (off screen), implied/referenced underage sex & pregnancy (off-screen), alcoholism, coming out, implied/referenced homophobia Other Tags: trans male character, disabled character, gay male character, open ending, unreliable narrator, angst, tender, chance meeting, confession, reunion, character with incomplete spinal cord injury, iSCI, it probably sounds darker than it is

Summary: On the last eve before spring Wei Ying finds himself at the end of a road. What awaits him on the other side depends on the steps he takes to cross it. Someone walks beside him.

Disclaimer: I am neither Chinese, trans nor disabled. All of the portrayal in this fic is based on research. It's not my intent to offend and I'm open to critique as long as it's respectful and constructive. Wei Ying's journey is his own and does not represent all of the disabled or trans community. The fic is set in a world that closely resembles ours, but where corona never happened and maybe China's laws are just a little less restrictive (but still very phobic), so bear that in mind. I do not own any of the characters.

Notes - Beginning: The idea of trans male Wei Ying had been stuck in my head for a while now, and I've been wanting to try my hand at a trans story, because I've never done that before. This assignment was an opening to do that in a darker, more serious setting. I have also wanted to explore Wei Ying's suicidal issues while translating his story into a modern setting for some time (it was supposed to be a coffee shop AU, only the coffee shop never appeared hah). It was simultaneously hard and fun to write, and I'm grateful for it. @vedrividia​, I hope you like it!

In the past I didn't feel like I could do a good job at representing anyone of an identity I couldn't quite empathize with. Since then I've surrounded myself with trans inclusive media, and followed transgender blogs and channels, and I hope that this fic does right by all of them.

I am aware of some of the potentially problematic topics, but I also didn't want to ignore all the challenges and abuse and trauma that trans folk are forced to endure on a daily basis. (Did you know that trans people have some of the highest suicide rates, and likely to have alcohol issues? Making everyone happy and nothing hurt felt all kinds of wrong knowing that.) I believe that representing both - an ideal world alongside the real and flawed one - is important.

Positive stories are also important - this is one. Or at least I hope I was able to make it one.

On a more cheerful note, there are pictures that served as an inspiration for this story, namely this photoset (especially the pic in the leather jacket, the one on the couch and the close up) done in faceapp by a genius, this brain-frying picture, and of course this picture from the Harper's Bazaar Photoshoot that none of us are over. I completely blame Xiao Zhan's androgyny.

Last but not least, I owe a massive thanks to Laura for the amazing beta they did on a rather short notice and brought this fic to another level. Thank you for your hard work!!! :)

End notes: Wei Ying has an incomplete spinal cord injury in the lumbar area (at L1 or L2). I didn't realize that I played myself when I gave him an incomplete injury, because the lack of references and information is in terms of quantity a total opposite to everything available on complete SCI. Which in turn made the telling of such a story feel even more important. If any of you know of a good resource for the daily life of people with iSCI, I'm all ears.

Even researching the walking aides was a challenge, since most information is on wheelchair dependent people, which Wei Ying is not. He has a wheelchair but he refuses to use it, for several reasons, one of them being image, another being worry of atrophy. He likes a good walk, and there's progress thanks to physical therapy, most of which is covered by insurance. I was debating an exoskeleton/brace for him, but from what I gathered they aren't really useful for SCI (I welcome any additional info about this), and those that would be cost a ton and aren't covered by insurance - which is a big factor for Wei Ying. The toss ended up being between forearm crutches and a walking frame, but in the end I decided on crutches, because it seemed like Wei Ying would prefer them? For now? With crutches he can pretend, and I also didn't know to what extent a walking frame would be insurance covered (in China), and whether he'd be at a point where he would accept one. (I imagine the simple ones would be covered by insurance, the question is whether they make a huge difference to crutches, and whether a rollator - with wheels and a seat is something that would count as 'necessary' in this case.)

However, once again, I am not adequately educated on all that goes into the decision making here. No one ever mentions things like these in success stories. In the end I left it as a room for future development. I'm pretty sure Wen Qing is trying to convince him to get one.

I was debating whether to tag dysphoria. While it is not explicitly stated in the fic, Wei Ying does experience it, although this has gotten better since he realized being trans, came out and started testosterone. His decision to not transition fully is one that many trans people make at a point in their lives, for any number of reasons. This does not mean he'll never change his mind, or won't explore other forms of expression. It's a choice that the current Wei Ying is making, completely independent of future Wei Ying.

It's possible in China to get a gender confirmation surgery, but the requirements sound like a nightmare. The first thing you have to do is get diagnosed with 'gender disorder', be five years in (unsuccessful) therapy for it, at least 20 and unmarried. If he decides to transition fully to a male presenting body he can only marry someone who is biologically female in the future, under Chinese law. (Imagine having to divorce your significant other in order to be who you are. Imagine having to make this decision. It makes me want to write fic about it.)

It also costs a ton, as none of it is covered by insurance. You can only start hormone therapy in order to get surgery, which leads a lot of trans people to acquire hormones illegally and without medical counseling. I purposefully did not decide where Wei Ying gets his T from. I didn't want him to not have it, but I left the how undecided. For the most part I headcanon it as one of the things that make my world a little different, since hormone therapy is a thing that exists outside of transitioning as well. E.g. many female athletes use testosterone to boost their performance, and many other women take it for various medical reasons. I feel like WWX could find ways to acquire some. Now, whether this would be legal or not is left open.

By the way? Never, EVER deadname. Just don't. The moment someone comes out to you as trans, tells you their pronouns and name, that's what you use. You forget everything that came prior to that, wipe it out of your memory, it's ashes on the sands of time unless stated otherwise BY THEM, got it?

Now, Wei Ying's case. I was hesitant about how to approach this, but from the start I knew two things. I wanted the same kind of intimacy of WWX & LWJ calling each other by their birth names as in canon, but I also didn't want to go the way most authors go in this case i.e. splitting the names to pre- and post- transition. It is my understanding that most Chinese names are unisex (if anyone has more info on this, I'd love to have it), or can be used for all genders, and I didn't want to force a gender issue where there wasn't one. However, I also wanted something parallel that could be used in a similar way. What I came up with is what you see in text. While Wei Ying did change his name, the only reason why it's still somewhat okay to use 'Wuxian' is because he explicitly says he likes it. In fact, in my head somewhere in the imagined future of this verse, he and JFM have a conversation about it where JFM tells him if he wants it, it can still be his name - he didn't give it to an image, but a person. IDK how well any of this works, or translates to actual trans or Chinese (or trans and Chinese) people, so if you have words for me, let me know.

On a side note, in 2015 China lifted the one-child policy in favor of a two-child policy. A-Yuan was born in 2017.

Wei Ying attempted suicide between the 4th and 8th week of his pregnancy. During the early weeks the probability of a fetus surviving a major fall (even a fall from stairs) is significantly higher than later in the pregnancy, and the scaffolding he jumped from wasn't actually that high. I'm also considering that there might have been something to cushion the fall that he hadn't noticed (a stray rope, or a net) or been aware of (like padding on the stage), but that's a detail I decided to leave to your imagination. On the other hand, sustaining a SCI during early pregnancy is likely to have fatal consequences, as I found out a week before the deadline. In the end, they both got very lucky. Wei Ying spent the next 3 months in a coma. When he woke up it was too late to terminate. Jiang Fengmian had been adamant that the decision not be made without Wei Ying's consent, which was nice of him, but also ended up making the decision for Wei Ying regardless.

Last but not least, if you've read this and feel like you have something to add, I love any kind of comments, whether you wanna review the fic, have some useful information for me, would like to discuss a point or just like to say hi! :)

*****

Transverse

If asked, Wei Ying wouldn't have remembered how he had gotten to the bar. He didn't remember taking a different route on the short walk back home, he hadn't even been aware there was a bar in the first place. He only remembered suddenly standing in front of it, aching to his bones, limbs leaden with a familiar exhaustion, morose and longing for nothing more than a little break. His back was on fire, his leg was throbbing, the skin underneath his binder wouldn’t stop itching and to top it off his stomach had been cramping in a way it wasn't supposed to anymore. His body had decided to give him a wonderful gift for the holiday. Wei Ying wouldn't wish this on his worst enemy, and that spoke volumes to anyone who knew who occupied that position.

Needless to say, he was desperate for a drink.

The bar was almost empty so early in the afternoon, and shortly before the holiday, all the regulars had likely gone home to see their families. It was the time of reunions, the golden week of spring knocking on the door. The whole town looked empty, seemingly asleep and abuzz at the same time, a strange kind of liminal space born in the atmosphere of the coming celebrations, quiet with contained impatience. He had been painfully aware of it the entire week, the turning of another year leaving him nothing to do but watch people go where Wei Ying couldn't return anymore.

The Lunar New Year always made him hurt worse than usual, in more ways than purely physical. Wei Ying had felt that strange air peak today, even in the confines of his tiny office at the back of the Pacific Coffee branch he had been working at for a little over two months. It was a tiny thing on the busiest street of their small town, smelling of comfort in the wee hours of the morning and of salvation late in the evening. The staff had needed support with handling the supply chain, so that they could focus on serving the staggering amount of customers that came in all day.

It had seemed perfect when Wei Ying had first limped inside on his forearm crutches, with a letter of recommendation, feeling smaller than an ant but significantly less tough. The reintegration program had been a lifeline thrown to a drowning man when he had first heard about it. It had been the opportunity to restart his life. Earn an income. Be independent. In time maybe even repay his friends for the kindness they had shown when he had nowhere to go. Now? Now he wasn't sure that he'd still have a job after the holiday was over.

"This really can't go on," his boss had said, midway through the most gruesome shift the shop had ever witnessed. "Half the supplies came in wrong, for the third time this week!"

Sometimes, Wei Ying wondered why he still bothered. He could probably survive on aid and love for himself, and the Wens made enough to take care of the rest. It just… It could have been nice. To be the one to take care of the people he cared about, for a change.

He really needed that drink.

The whiskey looked enticing from where he was half-sitting, half-leaning on a stool, crutches stashed between his legs. He could almost taste it, the phantom of the sharp flavor burning his tongue.

"Hi, darling." An unfamiliar voice startled him out of his thoughts, causing him to tense. He had been aware of the middle-aged man at the counter, but he hadn't been paying him much attention until now. "Can I buy you a drink? How about Sex on the Beach?"

It was difficult to control himself at that tasteless, juvenile joke. Wei Ying could almost taste the bile rising in his throat and the beginnings of what would no doubt become a pounding headache throbbing in his temples. Great. Just what he had needed.

The whiskey bottle called out to him again, beckoning him to the bitter burn.

A drink. That was what he needed - a drink.

Do you really? Need it? The voice of his therapist came to his mind, sudden and uninvited.

"Hey bartender!" The man called out in the most unwelcome case of accidental telepathy in the history of mankind, sneaking one arm around Wei Ying’s waist, a sweaty hand settling on his hip. "One Sex on the Beach for the miss, on my tab!"

There was the rising bile again, tension squeezing his muscles, and the flash of a haughty smirk at the furthest back of his mind. This wasn't what he wanted. None of it. Neither the touch nor the drink, no matter what his mind wanted to convince him of.

It's easier to need than the things that take hard work, the ones you have to earn. It had taken him a long time to admit that.

"I don't drink." Wei Ying said, angling his head as much as the muscles of his neck permitted to look at the guy invading his personal space squarely. "Remove your hand now."

The guy bristled.

"Hey, chill out, sweetheart." He was quick to regain his composure with an awkward laugh and not enough common sense. Wei Ying supposed he must have been used to rejection. Too bad. "You're so tense… Maybe a virgin cocktail then."

His crutch shot up before the full sentence was out.

The man stumbled back with a startled yelp as the rubber point connected with his chest in a sharp jab.

"Hey! What's your problem?!"

"I said I don't drink." Wei Ying was completely unapologetic, still holding his crutch like a sword, but the guy was already walking away, muttering ‘fucking bitch’ under his breath.

"You alright there, girl?"

His gut clenched at the words.

He looked up to meet the only slightly worried, but otherwise unbothered gaze of the bartender and told himself it wasn't her fault. She probably wasn't even aware. He knew he didn't… There was no way for him to pass. There was nothing he could do about that, had already decided not to, not at this time, not in this country. Wei Ying didn't expect people to know on sight. He didn't. It didn't change the fact though that every single misnomer felt like someone was peeling his skin off.

"I'm not a girl," he said to her almost too quietly, but he knew she heard when he met her gaze. A strained silence passed between them in which Wei Ying watched her frown in confusion, then sputter with the loss of words, before awkwardly shuffling off. He smiled wryly. How funny. It really wasn't anything complicated, and yet… So few were able to comprehend.

Wordlessly, Wei Ying slid off the stool and made his way out of the bar as quick as his crutches let him be.

Once outside, the crisp air mercilessly purifying, he realized how close to the edge he had gotten once again. He had to stop doing this. He couldn't afford another fall, another spiral back down the drain. Not when he had just clawed his way out. Not when he had people depending on him now. Tiny people with curious gray eyes, so much like his own. Waiting for him at home.

Something icy touched his face and instinctively he looked up only to find it snowing.

That explained the ache.

The cold always made him feel sore, although he knew at least some of it was phantom pain. He hadn’t retained a whole lot of feeling in his left leg, beyond a tingle that had become almost constant and the occasional twitch. His right leg was fine, it just tended to ache a lot, to a point where Wei Ying sometimes found himself wishing it wasn't better off than the other one. But then he wouldn't get away with 'forgetting' his wheelchair at home, so he quickly dismissed that thought. Besides, there were plenty of people who had it worse. He, at least, could still walk. He could still stand. Kinda. He had no room to complain.

After all, he had done this to himself.

'It's better this way.' He remembered thinking, standing on the top of the catwalk stairs backstage of the high school auditorium. 'A-jie, Jiang Cheng,… Lan Zhan. I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused you. I love you. I'll get out of your hair now.'

In the end it had been easy to tip backwards and let himself fall.

Waking up had been the hard part. Not only had he failed, but every reason that had pushed him to end it all had only been made worse. Worse still, after. He had lived though, so that was that. There was no utility in regret. He couldn't go back. The only way was forward now, step by painful step. Standing around and staring at the snow falling was nice, but it wouldn't make the walk shorter. Home wasn't far away. He'd take it slow. He'd be there before he knew it.

He barely took three steps before he felt someone's broad shoulder bump against his, his equilibrium yanked roughly from under his feet.

He remembered falling.

Not the act of it, nor every thought and feeling that preceded it, but he remembered the soft pressure at his skull as he tipped backwards, the endless instant of the free fall, a moment frozen in time. Not the impact, but the inevitability of it, coming, coming, almost there. The loss of control. The frightening, exhilarating realization of his absolute surrender. Not the oblivion that followed but the fragments of muddled awareness afterwards. Disorientation, rock bottom and the overwhelming sense of failure.

It had felt nothing like now.

He felt the loss of ground beneath his feet, the scrape of concrete against his palms, as he all but starfished onto the pavement. A sharp pain. The frustrated annoyance of another thing gone wrong in the long list that made up the day.

Only the failure felt the same, funny that.

"I'm sorry!" Said a deep voice. "I wasn't looking."

"Yeah, no shit." He chuckled, because really, who could have guessed.

"Here, let me help." There were hands on his arm, just as he propped himself up, but he yanked it away.

"I'm fine!" He wasn't helpless. He wasn't, dammit! He had his arms, his abdominals, and most of his legs. Getting up from the ground wasn't such a herculean task for him as for those who depended on a wheelchair. He didn't have to call an ambulance just because he starfished. He didn't need any help at all here, especially not the help of some ditzy stranger with their head in the clouds…

"Wei Ying?"

Wei Ying froze.

Few people on this Earth called him that, and none of them had a voice like that. He looked up to see glowing amber on a face carved out of a dream.

"Lan Zhan?"

Of all the people to be in town today of all days, the least likely would have to be Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan, his former senior, Lan Zhan, his best friend. Lan Zhan, whom he had told his secrets, Lan Zhan, who he… who he…

"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan… Can I kiss you? I understand you don't like me that way, and it's fine, I'm fine, really, but… uhm… It's supposed to be special. The first kiss. I… I want it to be yours. Just one kiss." A child he barely remembered had wanted and wanted, never satisfied. "Ah, it's okay if you don't want to. I get it. It's fine. I'm just being selfish."

But that had been a long time ago. A person he didn't know, a past life that had never truly been. Not for him in any case.

Lan Zhan was looking at him like a ghost had appeared in front of him.

Although, ghosts didn't need crutches. Honestly, Wei Ying did wish he could float quite frequently.

Face twisted in sardonic amusement at that childish wish, he pulled himself up with some maneuvering and a lot of effort. This seemed to wake Lan Zhan from his daze as he quickly followed. Wei Ying didn't miss the sweeping gaze as his once friend took him in, wondering what he saw. A stranger, perhaps? A new person? Him? Wei Ying knew he hadn't changed much on the outside, aside the obvious and maybe in his weight distribution, but Lan Zhan had always had the ability to look past the surface. Was he still able to do that? Or was he just taking in his appearance, assessing his matted, worn out body that seemed to show every year that had passed multiplied by ten? Wei Ying was aware that time had not been the kindest to him, but he was hanging on. He was past the worst now. He was doing better. He was!

He wondered if Lan Zhan still could see that too.

"Wei Ying." His name again, spoken with enough wonder to give Wei Ying the courage to meet his gaze. There was an unspoken question in it.

"Yeah," Wei Ying answered and felt the cusp of a smile pull at the corners of his lips. "Long time no see, Lan Zhan. Fancy meeting you here."

"I really like you, Lan Zhan," the person he didn't know had said, red faced with embarrassment and a shaking voice. "I mean like… like like."

Back then he had believed that moment to be the most nerve-wracking experience he was ever going to survive. Today he missed his naivety.

Lan Zhan gave him a look like he just realized it was really Wei Ying standing in front of him. Like he still could barely believe it. It unraveled a completely different ache in Wei Ying. They had been close once, and though they had always shared their secrets, Wei Ying had seen him so open and unguarded but once.

"I...like...boys," had been the answer. The refusal so, so gentle, unable to accept, thus giving something of equal value in return instead. A truth for a truth, a secret for a secret. "Wei Ying, I'm gay."

Lan Zhan, always figuring things out so quickly, always willing to accept reality no matter how hard it was. Wei Ying hadn't known back then. If he had known… Who knew what would have been then. It didn't matter anymore. It was a life long gone. What remained of it were a few good memories, some of them he wasn't sure were real.

Now, chance had made them cross paths once again, at a liminal space transversing through time.

"Are you hurt?" Lan Zhan's voice brought him back from his thoughts, and Wei Ying looked where he was reaching for his scraped hands and knees.

Lan Zhan, always the same Lan Zhan… "Not selfish."

So wonderful and kind and warm.

"Eh, I'm fine. Nothing Wen Qing can't fix." He brushed his former friend off, noticing how Lan Zhan's eyebrow seemed to go up infinitesimally at the mention of his old classmate and promptly changed the subject. "What brings you to Yiling, Lan Zhan? Shouldn't you be with your family for Chun Jie?"

"I…" Lan Zhan looked away. "Didn't get an earlier flight."

That sounded suspicious, especially since the Lan Zhan Wei Ying knew liked to plan ahead. But Wei Ying wasn't the same he had been, maybe Lan Zhan wasn't either. People were allowed to change. It also didn't answer what he was doing in Yiling in the first place, but Wei Ying wasn't forcing him to tell. Wei Ying had never wanted to force Lan Zhan into anything, he wasn't going to start now.

"Wei Ying." Lan Zhan looked at him again, this time meeting his eyes squarely. He paused. "How have you been?"

Wei Ying felt the loom of a shadow over him, and his gaze dropped to the ground for a second.

"As you can see." He put a reassuring smile on his face as he summoned enough will to hold Lan Zhan's gaze. "Still alive and kicking."

Which was probably much more than the last time Lan Zhan had heard of him.

"I was looking for you. I wanted to see you. After." The what remained unspoken. Lan Zhan's kind heart hadn't changed. Wei Ying sought comfort in it, warmed by the thought of his best friend trying to get in touch even after everything went to hell. "I was told you… left."

Wei Ying made a soft sound of affirmation through the small smile that had spread on his face. "I moved out on my eighteenth birthday. Aunt Yu… I was supposed to stay till graduation, but... ah. I fucked up. Colossally."

"Wei Ying." Lan Zhan remained the only person Wei Ying knew who managed to frown without a single crease on his face. "You were recovering."

"It was fine, Lan Zhan." Wei Ying chuckled even as he held back a sigh. Lan Zhan didn't know half of it. "I moved in with the Wens."

There was a pause.

"With Wen Qing?" Lan Zhan asked and Wei Ying realized that small detail wouldn't have been immediately clear to him, all things considered.

"With Wen Qing and her family." He nodded. After a moment of thought he added. "Not Wen Chao. I know nothing about that douchebag."

"Mn," Lan Zhan agreed and it sounded so wholehearted that it startled a laugh out of Wei Ying.

"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan," Wei Ying said, feeling truly light for the first time in a long time. The smile he gave Lan Zhan felt warm and genuine. He hoped Lan Zhan saw it too, and didn't think Wei Ying was trying to shake him off, when he spoke next. "It's so good to see you. You're the best thing that happened to me today. I would love to catch up, but they're waiting for me at home and I'm already late."

"Mn." Lan Zhan nodded. There was a pause. Then, just as Wei Ying was about to ask for his number, "I could. Walk you. If you like."

"I thought you had a flight to catch." Wei Ying wanted to smack his mouth for how hopeful he sounded.

"Mn," Lan Zhan said. "In the evening."

"Lan Zhan!" He startled, amused and surprised at the same time. "And here I thought your bedtime was nine! Don't tell me you crossed to the dark side."

"It is Chuxi." Lan Zhan's voice was soft with a playful note, and Wei Ying felt his heart turn all over again even as he laughed.

"Aiya, Lan Zhan…" A smile spread on his face. "Alright then. I'd love to have your company. If you're sure."

"I am," Lan Zhan answered. "I would… very much like to… catch up with you."

"Well then." Wei Ying's smile broadened and started again in the direction he was heading earlier. "Right this way, sir. But I'm warning you. I'm basically a snail now."

For a beat there was silence, in which Wei Ying figured that Lan Zhan was probably looking for a proper response. He still didn't know how to handle self-deprecating humor, then. Wei Ying chuckled quietly to himself. The more things change…

"That is alright," Lan Zhan finally said. "I have time."

"Oh, do you? That's great!" Wei Ying grinned from ear to ear, marveling at how easy it suddenly was. "Aah, Lan Zhan I really missed this!"

"Mn," Lan Zhan agreed but didn't say anything else.

For a few moments silence reigned again, of a comfortable kind. One that allowed Wei Ying to bask in the startling, almost miraculous presence of his best friend. Or it would have been, had Wei Ying not been keenly aware of Lan Zhan's intense stare.

"Do I really look that bad?" He teased, hoping to give Lan Zhan the opening he probably needed to ask whatever questions he had. "I've actually gained weight over Dongzhi you know."

Lan Zhan blinked, as if startled to be called out. Wasn't he aware that he had been staring? Or had he not expected Wei Ying to say something?

"You look…" he started, then swept his gaze over Wei Ying.

"Tired?" Wei Ying offered, keeping the humor in his words. The last thing he wanted Lan Zhan to think was that he needed to sugar coat his words around him now. "Stressed? Battle worn?"

"Different," Lan Zhan finished.

"Ah." Wei Ying breathed out, something in his chest tightening. "Good different, or bad different?"

Lan Zhan looked at him for a long moment.

"Different you," he finally answered. A pause. "More you."

Wei Ying's breath stuttered, a small questioning sound dragging itself up his throat.

"Wei Ying…" Lan Zhan hesitated for a brief moment, unsure. "May I know your pronouns?"

Always so straight to the point.

"Pro… Pronouns?!" Wei Ying chuckled but even he could hear the nerves buzzing through that sound. "How did you figure that?"

Lan Zhan just kept looking at him. Wei Ying swallowed.

"I…"

He had to know. Since he actually asked, he had to already know. Or at least suspect. Be aware. In general, or about Wei Ying? Had he realized in their years apart, or was there something about Wei Ying now that made him guess? No one has ever been able to tell upon glance. No one.

Something fluttered deep in his chest, like the jingles of a tambourine reverberating. It gave him courage.

Wei Ying took a deep, steadying breath. "He, him, Lan Zhan. It's he, him."

He managed to swallow the thousand words that dragged themselves up his throat instead of that one, simple truth. To his credit, Lan Zhan let him, waiting patiently and with complete silence for Wei Ying to say his part.

"I'm trans," Wei Ying added, finding it easier to say after the initial confession. "As in full time, on actual testosterone, trans male."

Their eyes met. A heartbeat of silence.

"Mn." Lan Zhan nodded. "Makes sense."

Wei Ying had not expected that.

In his defense, no one had ever replied like that to him coming out.

"What?" He choked out, bewildered. Lan Zhan was giving him a gentle look, a diametrical opposite of Wei Ying's wide eyes. "Why does that make sense, Lan Zhan?"

"It didn't before." Lan Zhan's gaze dropped. "Now it does."

"What? Why?" Wei Ying repeated, not comprehending a single word his friend had said. At the back of his mind he knew he should be happy and relieved that as dear a friend as Lan Zhan accepted him, and he would be later, but now he was just confused. "Lan Zhan, what are you saying?"

"You confounded me. Before. I didn't understand. It didn't. Add up." He didn't even expect an answer beyond a shrug and an 'It just does', and yet Lan Zhan gave him one, trying to explain like he wanted Wei Ying to understand something important. Important enough to bring it up at their first chance meeting in years. It still didn't clear anything up. The way he was dragging his words out seemed odd too, for how upfront Lan Zhan usually was.

"What didn't add up?" Wei Ying asked again. What about him had confused Lan Zhan?

"I didn't know you were a boy. So it didn't make sense," Lan Zhan answered without looking up and Wei Ying felt dread tighten his stomach into a knot. "But now it does."

"What?" He frowned, the rush of blood pounding in his ears. "Lan Zhan, what are you talking about?"

Lan Zhan finally looked up at him and Wei Ying suddenly felt light headed. The grip on his crutches must have gone knuckle white from how firmly he was gripping the handles. It couldn't be…

"I was confused why I liked you," Lan Zhan whispered, dropping his gaze again. "Why I enjoyed kissing you."

Wei Ying's brain was white static.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, "No!"

His whole body wanted to recoil with shock.

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan pleaded but was cut short.

"I confessed to you! I told you I liked you!" He saw the bob of Lan Zhan's throat, how his eyes fell shut as he swallowed. Wei Ying despaired for words that could express the entire scale of emotions he felt, from betrayal to hope, but mostly just... shock. "You said you… You've never… And now, after everything… Do you even… Lan Zhan!!!"

"Wei Ying," he said his name like it was all he was capable of saying, with a hitch of sudden hesitance on the last syllable, a minuscule frown around his eyes, like he realized something important. "Do you still call yourself Wei Ying?"

The quiet question conjured up another memory, of an occasion much kinder.

"It's my birth name," he heard his youthful voice, still too high although most had described it as low. Lan Zhan had raised an eyebrow at him, even more puzzled than before. Wei Ying had laughed as he went to explain. "Same character as in 'infant'. Wuxian is the name uncle Jiang gave me so that I have a better name than, you know, 'baby'. It's a cool name! I mean, 'no envy' come on! Like I have no match in the world! Totally rad, you know, uncle Jiang's naming sense is A+."

"But you prefer Wei Ying." Lan Zhan had looked at him then, searchingly and Wei Ying had looked away with a snort, to hide his swallow.

"It's a terrible name. Who the hell names their baby 'baby'?"

Lan Zhan hadn't replied anything to that, and Wei Ying still remembered his next words, and how they had burned on his tongue, how he couldn't hold them back.

"It's what the people who loved me had called me."

In the present, Wei Ying found himself laughing in spite of the utter shock. Only Lan Zhan. Only Lan Zhan would give him a heart attack first then go make sure he wasn't deadnaming him on top of everything.

"Lan Zhan!!!" He cried out. "That's so not the point right now! But, yes, I do. I changed it back, actually. Officially, I mean."

"You dislike it." It sounded more like a question than a statement, so Wei Ying answered.

"Don't get me wrong, I still think Wuxian is way cooler, and my siblings still call me that, but…" His gaze fell away from Lan Zhan to something more distant, beyond his focus as he struggled over his words, drawing them out only with great difficulty from where they were rooted deep inside of him. "It's the name given to the image of a person that never really existed. Like… the painting of a person you met in a dream. And I sorta… I like to imagine that, regardless of who I am… They would still love me."

They. The people who gave him that horrible, unimaginative name.

"Mn," Lan Zhan agreed like there had never been any doubt about it. Wei Ying snorted.

"Wei Ying," there it was again, his name, spoken so kindly, if not hesitantly as Lan Zhan too seemed to be struggling for words. "I would like to apologize. I hurt you. I have been looking for you to tell you this."

All at once, Wei Ying felt his shock settle into something more profound, like the wave that had swallowed him revealing the depth of the ocean. There was nothing Lan Zhan had to apologize for. Not for the lack of awareness, and certainly not for his feelings. Even their conflicts had always stemmed from a place of deep care.

"No." Wei Ying shook his head. "Not more than I hurt myself, Lan Zhan. Even when you scolded me, you never hurt me."

Had Lan Zhan broken his heart? Yeah, he had. So what? Did that mean he could be held accountable for it? Wei Ying's feelings were his own shit to deal with, not Lan Zhan's. Returning them wasn't Lan Zhan's duty. Even if he returned them, would it be fair to fault him for running away from them? For feeling insecure and anxious about his own attraction? For not knowing these things weren't as clear cut as all the adults around them had wanted to make them believe? It wasn't like Wei Ying had known either back then. He had, perhaps, understood himself even less than Lan Zhan. Most importantly, it was all in the past now. It couldn't be changed. What they made of it now was what mattered.

"None of my bullshit is your fault," he added. "You didn't go and tell me to fuck up my life. That was all on me."

"You wrote," Lan Zhan started, then paused, hesitating, then started again. "In your letter, you wrote…"

Wei Ying picked up on the question immediately.

"Not you," he said, the same words he had penned all those years ago in what was one of only two letters. "Never you. I had my reasons, but none of them were about you. In fact, I thought of you as the last good thing in my life at that point. The one true friend I still had left."

Lan Zhan's gaze fell on his crutches, but he didn't ask. Wei Ying was grateful.

"Come on, I need to get a move on," he said, starting to walk again, smiling at the surprised expression Lan Zhan had given him, when he realized he was still welcome to accompany him. Maybe it was something about that look that made Wei Ying add, after another second of thought, "There are people waiting for my return."

"Mn," Lan Zhan hummed, falling back in step next to him. "That's good. You should have people waiting for you at home."

Wei Ying couldn't help but smile.

"Say, Lan Zhan,…" he said after a few seconds of silence, when all what Lan Zhan has confessed slowly sunk in. "When you say you've been looking for me… You mean all this time?"

"Mn." Lan Zhan nodded. Wei Ying watched him gather his thoughts, the snow fluttering all around them. "I wanted to see you. Ask how you were doing. See if… If you needed support. Apologize. For not being a good friend to you before."

"Lan Zhan…" Wei Ying listened to him, and when Lan Zhan finally looked up at him his gaze was so sincere that his heart ached with it.

"I wanted to tell you the truth." Lan Zhan didn't let himself be interrupted. "That I liked you back. Without any expectations. That I didn't understand, but that it didn't matter. That I could like you without understanding why. That I wasn't asking for anything, just wanted you to know. That I wanted to help, in any way you'd let me."

"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan…" Wei Ying sighed, vision suddenly blurred. He drew a deep breath. "But I wasn't there."

"Mn." Lan Zhan nodded. "I asked your sister where I could find you…"

"But she didn't know," Wei Ying finished for him. No one knew, except one person. "And Jiang Cheng wouldn't give you my address if you held him at gunpoint."

"Your brother knows you're here." It had the structure of a question but it was spoken as a statement, the same kind of incredulous as the look Lan Zhan was giving him. All things considered, it was kinda fair, Wei Wuxian thought as he barked a laugh.

"Yeah," he said, shoulders shaking a little as he snickered. "He's the designated secret keeper."

Lan Zhan just stared, wordlessly.

Wei Ying's smile gained an edge at the unspoken question. He had to clear his throat before he answered. "We're… not quite alright yet, but… Ah, how do I say this? He's the better judge of the situation? With, uhm, aunt Yu, I mean. It's… complicated."

Honestly, when wasn't it?

"I… see." Lan Zhan really didn't sound like he did, but didn't press, continuing his story instead. "Your sister was able to tell me which city you were in. So I… applied for a job."

Wait. Pause. Rewind.

"You work here?!" Wei Ying felt his jaw go slack.

"As an attorney. At 'Xiao and Song'," Lan Zhan confirmed, then looked back at Wei Ying. "Civil law. With focus on LGBTQ+ rights. I passed the bar last year."

"You…" There was so much to unpack in that statement that Wei Ying couldn't quite get the words together fast enough. At the back of his mind he was aware he should probably congratulate Lan Zhan on his degree but he was too stunned by the other, more important implications. "You've moved here? For work? All because… Because… You were looking for me?"

"Mn."

"Lan Zhan!" His amazing friend who, for some reason, in spite of having a great new life had been desperate to find him. "But you… But I…"

"Wei Ying," he spoke so, so softly, but with clear intent to stop any protest Wei Ying might have wanted to utter. It worked. Wei Ying's mouth fell shut, taking his friend in with a bright, wide gaze. "I missed you. I have no expectations. I just… missed you."

Warmth spread in Wei Ying's chest over the tender words, like a dying flame rekindled.

"Lan Zhan..." He didn't quite know what to say, oddly touched. "It's how you knew, isn't it? I'm not the only trans person you've met."

"There was a client," Lan Zhan admitted. "They made me think of you. I have wanted to ask you since. I wanted to know if… If I made a mistake."

He didn't specify what mistake he feared being guilty of. He didn't really have to.

For a while Wei Ying just looked at him.

"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan…" He sighed, a small but genuine smile stealing itself onto his lips. "You… you're something else, you know that?"

Lan Zhan didn't reply, but there was something vulnerable in his expression.

"I missed you too."

Lan Zhan's eyes snapped back to Wei Ying's face, full of naked hope and a surprise so honest and pure that Wei Ying's heartstrings almost snapped. He could accept it. He could accept a friend longing for his company, even as his heart hammered against his chest like it was trying to escape its utter desolation.

"I couldn't have expected you to know something I didn't realize until much later." He hadn't realized there was tension around his friend's eyes until it relaxed.

Wei Ying took him in, his entire appearance and noted that although perfectly poised and immaculately dressed, beneath it all there was an exhaustion, a tension he didn't recognize. He thought about their meeting – the collision of two bodies launched out of their orbit – and everything else Lan Zhan had told him and a question dragged itself on his tongue that refused to be swallowed back in.

"Say, Lan Zhan… Since we are being so honest..." He asked before he could have thought better of it. "Why aren't you in Suzhou yet, for real? You always went home at least two weeks ahead of the festival. Did something happen?"

If there was something happening with Lan Zhan's family… Well, Wei Ying had missed enough opportunities to be a good friend in all the years they had been apart, or even before that. If Lan Zhan wanted to be his friend, Wei Ying was returning that tenfold. A secret for a secret, a truth for a truth.

If Lan Zhan wanted, that was.

For a second Wei Ying wasn't sure, but then the broad shoulders slumped, heaving like a weight was being lifted off them.

"I didn't always intend to go," Lan Zhan admitted. "Brother convinced me at the last moment. I wish he hadn't."

Their eyes met and Wei Ying felt a sudden heat spread through his cheeks at the intensity of Lan Zhan's gaze. He didn't take the bait, waiting patiently instead.

"I came out to my uncle. After the bar." Lan Zhan's gaze fell to the ground again, and Wei Ying already knew what he was about to say, aching dread settling painfully in his chest. "He did not… react well. He tried to set me up immediately afterwards."

"Aw man..." Wei Ying tried to sound both gentle and sympathetic without being too pitying. In his experience that never helped. "Yeah, I get that you didn't want to go home after that."

"Mn." Lan Zhan nodded, but said no more.

"Was she at least pretty?" Wei Ying tried to joke, unable to bear that forlorn expression on Lan Zhan's face and incapable of thinking of anything better to cheer his friend up. It would have been easy in the past, but now, with years containing entire lifetimes between them he didn't know anymore how to make Lan Zhan laugh.

But then Lan Zhan's lips twitched a little, so maybe not all was lost.

"Luo Qingyang," he answered, like Wei Ying was supposed to know the vaguely familiar name. Lan Zhan responded to his confused frown with his own and went on to explain. "You were in the drama club together. She was… Juliet. To your Romeo."

Very few guys had been in the drama club at that time, so Wei Ying had usually gotten the main male protagonist. He had loved it. It had been one of the reasons why he had joined the drama club in the first place. His co-star in all of that...

"Mianmian!" He exclaimed, eyes bright with delight. "It's been ages since I've last…"...Seen her. Seen anyone, he didn't say, schooled his expression and laughed instead. "I can't believe they tried to set you up with Mianmian! How is she?"

"Mn," Lan Zhan made a small sound out agreement that amused Wei Ying, before he answered. "She is well. Studying. Also law. She will take the bar next year."

"All of you are so smart…" Wei Ying chuckled, fond with more memories. "You know I made out with her once?" He promptly laughed at Lan Zhan's expression. "Relax, it wasn't as good as with you."

Their eyes met again and Wei Ying saw something like hope spark in Lan Zhan's eyes, which…

Wei Ying stopped. He let his gaze wander around, collecting his thoughts. He startled as he realized he was almost home, the agonizing minutes he usually needed reduced to nothing in the presence of his friend. The ache that had gnawed at his limbs earlier had all but disappeared, replaced by a longing ache in his heart.

"Lan Zhan," he found himself speaking without the input of his mind. "You said you liked me, so you should know… I don't intend to have surgery." He saw Lan Zhan open his mouth, probably to assure him once more of his pure intentions, which Wei Ying didn't need to hear. "I know, I know, you have no expectations, and I'm not saying we have to, but… My feelings for you never changed. I still like you, but I'm also… I'm a man Lan Zhan, but I'm not adjusting my body. Not to that degree."

"Is it a financial issue?" Lan Zhan asked after a pause and Wei Ying cut him off before he could continue with something ridiculous like an offer to pay.

"It's… not not about money, but…" He thought for a moment about how to say what he wanted to say. "Regardless of that, I refuse to go through all the legal hoops that this government would demand of me, like I'm supposed to beg them just to be who I am. And... Besides that…" He took a deep breath. "I think I'd like to have another child."

"Another…" There was a strangled sound, which he ignored, forcing himself to voice what he'd been struggling to put into words for a while now.

"I want to give it one more try. Voluntarily," Wei Ying found it difficult to say, despite the thought of a baby in his arms filling him with a warmth he wouldn't have expected mere years ago. "With someone I actually like this time."

"This time." There was something very wrong with the tone of Lan Zhan's voice, and as Wei Ying looked up at him, realization hit him with the force of a freight train.

"Oh! Oh no!" Lan Zhan's eyes were akin to saucers, and Wei Ying vaguely thought he had never seen his friend express shock so openly. "Fuck, I'm so dumb! Of course you don't know! How would you know?!"

Of course that very same moment, before Lan Zhan had any chance of collecting himself, a cheerful shout echoed through the street in an all too familiar, youthful voice. "BABA!!!"

Wei Ying winced. In the way life usually was – his life in particular – before Wei Ying could come up with a single word of explanation, there was the flurry of movement, and a warmth enveloping his leg – the better one.

"Baba, baba, you're home!"

Wei Ying's eyes fell down to the source of the excited noise to have two mischievous gray eyes reflected back at him. An unbidden smile spread on his face.

"A-Yuan!" He shifted around a little until he could safely run his fingers through the child's hair, even as he was keenly aware of the man next to him. "Have you been waiting for me?"

There was a twinkle and a nod, his very own baby's face beaming up at him with unabashed adoration. A tiny hand wrapped itself around his wrist and just like that the last of the day's stress fell away. He looked back at Lan Zhan. It was difficult to describe the expression his friend was giving him, frozen with disbelief, shock and something too close to horror, as his mind seemed to be rearranging and reevaluating every piece of information known to him. Finding no point in delaying the inevitable, Wei Ying braced himself and went for it.

"Lan Zhan, this is a-Yuan. He's mine. Gave birth to him and all." He made a point to smile, although Lan Zhan's expression remained unchanged. Deciding to give him the space he needed to get himself together, Wei Ying turned his attention back to his child. "A-Yuan, this is Lan Zhan. He's an old friend of mine from school. Want to introduce yourself?"

"Hello!" A-Yuan said before Wei Ying even finished the sentence. "I'm a-Yuan and I'm already four years old! I like butterflies and bunnies! Baba gave me Radish and a coloring book for my birthday. I was four last month! I love my baba bestest! But I love xiao-shushu und Qing-guma and granny and uncle Shi lotsa too!"

It was an altogether perfect introduction, and Wei Ying felt pride and love thrumming through his heart with a strength he hadn't believed to be possible. He watched the mental math behind Lan Zhan's eyes, a complicated expression spreading on his friend's face. He decided to give him another moment to complete the mental calculations and focused on something else that a-Yuan had reminded him of.

"Speaking of, where's your xiao-shushu?" Wei Ying looked around, then with growing suspicion back at the child still wrapped around his leg. "Did you ditch him again?"

Mischief spread on a-Yuan's face as he hid in Wei Ying's thigh.

"A-Yuan." Wei Ying narrowed his eyes at him, gently scolding. "We've talked about this. No walking around on your own. What if something happened?"

"But I'm with you," came the simple answer. "I have to help you walk. You said! To help you walk I have to take your hand. I saw you and gege wasn't holding your hand, so I came to help."

"Ah, so filial, a-Yuan…" Wei Ying looked up to the skies, silently begging the heavens for strength while fighting a ferocious blush. This child of his was as much a blessing as he was a huge trouble. The best kind of trouble, if Wei Ying was honest.

"A-Yuan!"

He was still busy trying to change his smile into something more stern, when as if on cue the uncle in question appeared around the corner, calling for his nephew, looking just as frantic as Wei Ying expected him to be. He waited for Wen Ning's eyes to find them, before he looked back down at a-Yuan.

"See how worried Wen Ning is? You can't do this, a-Yuan." The child's expression fell. "Go tell him you're alright and apologize for running away."

A-Yuan didn't waste a single second, rocketing towards his uncle with an excited call.

With his child safe in the most dependable arms that there were, Wei Ying turned to Lan Zhan again. His friend's eyes were closed, face pulled into a tight expression, lips pressed into a thin line, all of which told him what conclusion Lan Zhan had reached.

"It was part of the reason," Wei Ying said, because he knew Lan Zhan would never ask and he wanted his friend to know. "But it wasn't all of it."

Lan Zhan's eyes opened, his look agonized but not pitying, Wei Ying realized.

"There were many things going on," he said. "It was all so fucked up… I knew I couldn't keep him, and somehow I figured… Might as well go together. In the end we both survived, funny that."

"The father. The father is…" Lan Zhan trailed off, couldn't bring himself to say the name, but he didn't have to. Just as Wei Ying didn't have to answer other than with a rueful smile. After all, there was only one option. Lan Zhan drew a deep breath. "Was it… Did he…"

Here too, Wei Ying knew what he was asking, felt it like the edge of a knife against his skin.

"I don't want to talk about it." He swallowed, a prickling at the corners of his eyelids. "Not yet, at least. I'll tell you the story another time."

Lan Zhan nodded. Worried his jaw. Wei Ying waited.

"Was that why you… left?" His voice was so quiet that if Wei Ying wasn't paying attention, he probably wouldn't have noticed he had said anything at all.

"To put it in the words of aunt Yu, whores aren't welcome under her roof. She threatened to leave uncle Jiang, if he kept supporting me. It's fine," he added quickly when he saw Lan Zhan's face darkening. "Uncle Jiang gave me the trust fund he had for me, which wasn't little, I have a job and I get some aid from the government too. There's also granny's pension and everyone else is working. You don't have to worry, Lan Zhan, we get by."

Lan Zhan looked like he wanted to say something cutting, but luckily they were interrupted by Wen Ning joining them, a-Yuan in his arms. He was probably getting too big for that, but he knew first hand that Wen Ning could lift a full-sized adult without breaking a sweat so he wasn't very worried for either of them.

"Wei-ge, welcome home," Wen Ning greeted him. His eyes wandered to Lan Zhan for a brief moment, then to Wei Ying's hands which were still scraped. "Is everything alright?"

"More than!" Wei Ying ignored the look, grinning and watched a-Yuan beam at him. "Everything's perfect, look who I met in town! You remember Lan Zhan, right? He was in the same class with Wen Qing. Turns out he works here!"

Wei Ying managed to say all of that in one breath before he even realized he was doing it, yet consciously leaving out the bar and without bothering to detail exactly how the 'bumping' went down. Wen Ning took it all in, then gave Lan Zhan a polite smile, his dark eyes meeting Lan Zhan's squarely.

"I know of Lan-xianbei," he said slowly, cautiously polite, before his expression settled into a smile and he inclined his head in greeting. "We've never met officially."

There was a brief round of long overdue introductions, which Wei Ying was happy to ignore in favor of watching a-Yuan grow increasingly fascinated with Lan Zhan. It etched the lines around Wei Ying's smile deeper into his features, in a way he hasn't felt for a long time.

"A-Yuan." he couldn't help but pinch one of the chubby cheeks, after a little shifting of weight. "You keep looking at Lan Zhan like that, he'll think you like him."

"Pretty gege," was all a-Yuan had to say to that, a smile splitting his face, while Lan Zhan's ears turned red. Wei Ying laughed, alight with surprise that the one tell-tale sign of his shyness still remained. Lan Zhan was looking at a-Yuan with increasing curiosity, that pained line from earlier disappearing from his features, slowly replaced by wonder instead.

Wei Ying only looked away when he felt a tiny finger poke at his cheek, angling his head towards a-Yuan to listen to whatever secret his son wanted to share.

"Will pretty gege stay for dinner?" A-Yuan whispered through his hands, causing a complicated set of feelings to run through Wei Ying's chest.

"Sorry, sweetheart, but Lan-shushu can't stay." Wei Ying mock pouted at his son. "He has a flight to catch later."

"Why?" A-Yuan asked, as he did all the time.

"He has to visit his family," Wei Ying answered.

"Oh…" A-Yuan's face fell. There was no doubt in Wei Ying's mind had the answer been anything else, he would have kept asking, but if there was one word a-Yuan understood better than anyone, it was 'family'. It didn't mean he liked it. "But… But I heard! I heard that we will have a party tonight! I cleaned my room, and I did a picture for teacher, and helped granny bake! I was the bestest and uncle said I could stay up extra long tonight 'cause then baba would live forever!"

"I didn't say forever," Wen Ning corrected him timidly, but neither of them paid attention to him, the poor soul. A-Yuan only heard what he wanted to hear, and Wei Ying was too busy making sure his heart didn't burst. He still sometimes couldn't quite believe how much he loved this child.

"Me too." It came unexpectedly from beside him, and when Wei Ying turned to look he found Lan Zhan looking almost as surprised as he felt. "I mean, I also usually stay up longer on Chuxi."

A-Yuan's smile eclipsed the sun. Lan Zhan returned it with an expression so impossibly soft that Wei Ying's heart almost did burst then.

"Pretty gege can stay, and his family can come too, and I will draw everyone a picture!" A-Yuan all but vibrated with bare excitement that Wei Ying felt bad that he had to chide him.

"A-Yuan, do we tell people what they can and can't do, or do we ask?" He had picked the gentlest way possible, but his son still hid his face in his uncle's neck, utterly dejected.

To be fair, Lan Zhan looked rather stricken himself. It was adorable to watch and Wei Ying… Wei Ying knew that no matter whatever feelings he might be harboring, he only came as a set with his son. There was no possible way of heaping that responsibility on another person from the get go, on top of everything else, and yet. And yet. Lan Zhan was regarding a-Yuan with such fondness that it did strange things to Wei Ying's heart, and just like that courage bloomed in Wei Ying's chest.

"How about a compromise? Lan Zhan," he asked carefully. "You still have a few hours left until you have to be at the airport, don't you? Would you… Would you like to come inside?"

"Yes, yes, yes! Please, pretty gege, pretty please." A-Yuan loved the idea, immediately reaching his arms out in silent demand to be held. Wei Ying could only watch as Wen Ning oh so carefully leaned forward and tightened his hold so that a-Yuan could safely launch himself into Lan Zhan's open, waiting arms. He bet Lan Zhan hadn't even noticed how he held them out in a response that had seemed completely automatic.

"A-Yuan," Wei Ying reprimanded him gently, doing everything he could to ignore the adorable pout that pressed into Lan Zhan's shoulder. It was difficult to do with his heart singing like that.

"I would hate to intrude," Lan Zhan replied hesitantly, his eyes not leaving a-Yuan for a second and Wei Ying felt his heart constrict.

"I don't think anyone would mind," Wen Ning said, smiling gently.

"It won't be an issue, Lan Zhan, really." Their eyes met. "We still have a lot to… catch up on."

There was a spark that darkened Lan Zhan's eyes briefly, something heavy settling in the air between the two of them. Chance had brought Lan Zhan back into his life, and Wei Ying wanted to hold on. In any way he was allowed to. As long as he was allowed to.

"And you could meet… You could meet my family." Warmth spread deep in Wei Ying's chest as the word 'family' echoed in his mind, before he added in a whisper. "If you like."

"Wei Ying…" Finally, after what felt like an entire eternity, Lan Zhan spoke, the softest of smiles spreading on his face, gentle as the first rays of the sun on a misty morning. "I would very much love to meet your family."

"Great!" Wei Ying felt the smile split his face from one ear to another and amidst the cheers of his child that echoed the ones in his heart and started towards the door that Wen Ning held open for him. "Come on in then! Let's give everyone the shock of their life that I brought home such a handsome man!"

"Wei Ying…" It was spoken as a reprimand but it sounded like a chuckle.

"Hi, handsome! You're Lan Zhan, right? I've heard all about you!" Somewhere in his memory a cheerful voice greeted the most beautiful youth that there ever was. "I'm Wei Wuxian. I'll let you call me Wei Ying."

The door fell shut to the sound of Wei Ying's laugh.

[queenlokibeth]

Alright don't punch me, i'll start by clarifying that i'm a larrie. I'm not unlarrying. I'm being reasonable and objective and understanding that the boys are real people with real lives; this means that their relationship wouldn't be out of their fairy tale. Now bear with me and read each part:

A) I don't think that neither Camille or Danielle were beards.

B) Freddie is actually Louis's son.

C) Larry is still as real as always.

By now, Walls and Fine Album considered, we can be pretty sure that there was a larry breakup at some point.

If we consider Harry's comment before singing Two Ghosts on Nov 6th 2017 ("I wrote this song about the first time he broke up with me") we can assume that there was more than one break up.

With Harry's newer interview we now know that he wrote Two Ghosts for MITAM originally, so sometime around the beginning of 2015 most likely.

Now onto the facts:

Louis breaks up with Eleanor in march 2015. I do believe that El has always been a beard. If larry broke up, then there's no need for her to keep fulfilling the role.

Louis hooks up with Briana like in april. I have always been partial to Babygate. I've seen pictures of Freddie and he does look like louis. I do think he is his son. Bear with me now pls.

Think about it this way: he just broke up with his long-term partner and tries to move on by finding some rebound and a drunken hook up ends in a baby. Shit happens. Personality-wise this does fit with Louis, as he went through the "party the pain away" phase after Jay's passing, which is a similar reaction.

In november-ish Louis starts seeing Danielle. In my opinion, their relationship looked less stunty and there are pics of them looking content with each other in settings were it doesn't look like they knew were being photographed. This relationship did not resemble elou**r. To add on to that, Louis has kept a selfie with danielle on his instagram, while there are no pics of El.

Queue Jan 2016, Harry is spotted with Kendall on that yacht. Before that there had never been anything actually romantic between them, they were just good friends but I'm sure management tried to exploit it at times. Now back to Jan 2016: imagine a newly single Harry hanging out with his good friend Kendall. I think something might have almost happened there, or maybe there was something really short lived there, but I feel like it did not last past that boat. Friends sometimes try to see if something would work between them, and I think that was the case, but as you could see on the Late Late Show, their dynamic is a lot better as just friends and they probably realised that.

Move to Jan 2017: Louis and Danielle break-up and El immediately reenters the picture. I say Larry reunion. Louis went through Jay's passing and i'm 100% sure that Gentleman Sweetcheeks Harry Styles would be there for him regardless of friend/boyfriend/broken-up/mortal enemy/brother status. This reunion fits with the release of HS1 a few months later with all of the Larry anthems that we know.

But wait! Harry is spotted with Camille in July 2017, conveniently a week after the Heart Rate Monitor interview where he says that he "doesn't know her". We are aware, we KNOW that Harry can't lie for shit. This sounds true. We also know that interviewers are previously told if there are any off-limit topics, and likewise they can be asked to actively bring up others for PR reasons. I think that was the case. C is carefully introduced to the narrative and one week later they're together.

I do think Hamille started as a PR stunt/beard situation. I also do think that at some point during late 2017 Larry broke up again (see nov 2017 comment; more than one break-up) and since Harry was already spending time with C for contractual reasons, that might have sparked something real for a while. I think this fits because even though most lyrics on Fine Line are Larry af, there are a few that don't fit/point at a relationship with an additional person. The one in falling abour blaming "the drink and my wandering hands" is interesting, because we know from several pictures that Harry is a clingy, touchy-feely drunk, so what if that put some tension between larry at this point? This theory also goes with the clothes-sharing with camille (they have been undoubtedly seen wearing at least the same cardigan and pants) which we know he also did/does with Louis.

Eleanor is still in the picture. Their managers realise that even though they broke up before, they got back together, so they decide to keep her just in case. And they're right to do so.

Hamille's fake relationship ended exactly a year after it started (ehem contracts) but their real one probably ended at least a couple of months before that (the whole thing probably didn't last over 6 months), hence why by the time of their "official" breakup C seemed to be already in a fully stable relationship with her new guy. C probably ended things with Harry because she met this guy and Harry was probably still emotionally caught-up on someone.

Larry probably reunited around that time and have been going strong since then. For PR reasons the Hamille angle is still being pushed to promote Fine Line, giving it a lot more importance as to make it seem like it takes up more space on the album than it actually does. After all, that's the same PR team that promoted this album as being full of sex stuff when in reality there is like one (1) line about something sexy and maybe like 2 more if you look really hard for really niche double-entendres.

And that concludes my analysis. It's somewhat realistic, doesn't disrespect anyone, and not a single anti can tell me that i'm reaching because i'm doing the exact opposite. Check-mate.

[amphtaminedreams]

I Shopped at YesStyle So You Don’t Have To: Lookbook no.10

Hi to anyone reading,

And welcome to what I guess is my first “review” post of sorts! Which is basically an excuse for me to rave about Korean street style and ask why the fuck Seoul fashion week isn’t more of a big deal!? Though I’ve pretty much quit fast fashion over the last few months and have been getting my clothes from Depop, I did want to talk about the website YesStyle which I ordered from back in May (jfc, the fact that May was almost 4 months ago now is terrifying) and how impressed I was with their service and the clothes I received. It should go without saying from the fact that investing in someone with about 200 followers on here wouldn’t be a very good financial decision, but this isn’t a sponsored post-I just think that if you’re gonna order from anywhere, YesStyle is a good shout for those of you who, like myself, are inspired by East Asian street style. I have to give credit to the incredible Katie O, otherwise known as StealTheSpotlight on Youtube and Instagram; she’s the medium through which I’ve been introduced to the world of “k-fashion” and YesStyle in the first place. Yes, my current knowledge of k-pop doesn’t extend far past fan tendencies to flood every popular tweet with fancams of their favourite singers and girl groups (I admire the dedication), but through Katie’s content and Instagram accounts like TokyoFashion on Instagram,  I have come to the conclusion that the stylists behind these groups and Asian designers in general are owed a huge amount of credit by Western trend forecasters. If you have any Instagram account or blog recommendations with similar content please let me know! For now, I’m gonna give a run down of the pieces I ordered (most of which are still available), prices and sizing, and also a bit focussing on ethical concerns and what I could find out about their practices from my research.

DISCLAIMER: The photos used as backgrounds are mine. Yes, I’m in mourning over the fact that this time last year I was inter-railing, in case the ham-fisted insertion of touristy pics didn’t make that obvious. Remember when we could leave the country? When it didn’t feel like the world was ending? When everything didn’t seem to be going to absolute shit all at once? When there was a glimmer of hope that we wouldn’t spend the next 4 years being governed by the Conservatives here in Britain? Simpler times :-)

The Pieces

1. The Alizio V-Neck Camisole Top in White: £4.97, Size M

So, what you’re gonna get from the off here is that YesStyle’s prices seem ridiculously cheap, which is something I’ll address in the ethics section at the end of the post. For £4.97, you’d expect an ill-fitting SheIn/Zaful style number but I was so impressed by how flattering this top actually is. I was a size 8 and 32C for reference and my only complaint is that because the neckline has a slight plunge, it was a little awkward to wear with a t-shirt bra. You know, unless you’re into that cups poking out of the top kinda vibe that was a rite of passage for all British teenage girls going through puberty back in, like, 2009 when you wanted everyone to know you’d been on your first bra shopping trip to M&Co with your mum at the weekend. 

2. The Rhames High-Waist Plaid Mini Skirt in Purple: £9.12, Size M

Clueless being as iconic as it is, a plaid mini skirt is always going to be timeless and I know this is a piece I’m gonna be basing outfits around for a long time. It fit perfectly and is surprisingly good quality material; I was kind of expecting it to come in that super thin, semi-see through jersey that you get when you order from a lot of UK fast fashion sites, but a recurring feature of the clothes I picked out was that they were such good quality for the price and exactly as they appear online. I’ve found in the past that UK sites are deceptively canny with lighting and angles in that when the garment actually arrives (Boohoo in particular is a repeat offender in this regard) it’s a lot frumpier than it looks on the model. It seems to be common practice to pin back and temporarily alter the clothes during photoshoots to give the illusion that they’re a lot more fitted and structured than they actually are which ultimately just leads to disappointment when you try on the supposedly bodycon dress and resemble a sack of potatoes. Been there, done that. I worship the ground all carbs walk on but I don’t want to look like them. Should go without saying really. It’s nothing to do with size, but it’s just crappy tailoring and cutting corners on the brand’s part and that’s what irks me. I really appreciate that YesStyle has photos of “regular” people just wearing the clothes out rather than the outcomes of these overly edited, studio lit shoots that aren’t necessarily the most representative of how the garment is gonna look irl.

3. Nikiki Garter Belt: £5.59, One Size

As comfortable as garters come, I guess? I don’t have much experience with them tbh, lol. 2021 to do list, if we make it out of 2020 alive: try more garters.

4. Lucuna Floral Embroidered Cropped Cardigan in Almond: £15.61, One Size

Don’t get me wrong, this cardigan is adorable and there’s nothing misleading about the photo on the website. What I will say is that considering it only comes in one size, it’s pretty tight on the arms. I’m a size 6 right now and it’s really not like I’m ripped or anything (lol) so it’s safe to say that in terms of the Lucuna brand, their sizes come up very small. The cardigan wasn’t the only one size thing I purchased and whilst the others did fit, I think in general the fact that said “one size” is pretty much only suitable for UK sizes 4-8 is pretty shit. A few of the pieces had elasticated waistbands but in general in 2020, when we’ve come so far in the last few years with body positivity and being more inclusive of all sizes, to have a sample size that runs so small isn’t acceptable and this sizing issue is my biggest problem with the store. Though I recognise that YesStyle acts as an outlet for smaller East Asian brands (in this case Lucuna) and thus aren’t themselves responsible for the designs, more consideration should probably go into the harm that could potentially be done by stocking these supposedly “one size fits all” garments. Brandy Melville, I’m looking at you too. Your designs are cute but your lack of inclusivity is shitty.

5. Ohnana Ruffle Trim Strappy Cami Cropped Top in Purple: £5.01, Size M

I’m not as jazzed as I was about this top now it seems that everyone and their mother’s dog is selling it at an extortionate price on Depop but I will say that it’s also very flattering. Makes my strangely long torso look somewhat proportionate, which is nice. The material is pretty thin but it is for all intents and purposes a tank top and the price is reflective of that.

6. Sisyphi Plaid Shirt in Tangerine: £11.30, One Size

So the “one size” option strikes again, though this time with less vengeance-I would say this would be wearable up to size 12/14 so slightly better than with the cardigan.

7.  BBChic High-Waist Wide-Leg Jeans: £10.04, Size M

When it comes to these jeans, I only have good things to say. Like firstly, they make me feel like early 2000s Avril Lavigne AKA. my childhood icon/potential clone/queen of millennium grunge and an incarnation of Y2K fashion I can actually get behind. Secondly, they have an elasticated waistband, which is ALWAYS a good thing. Thirdly, they didn’t come up ridiculously long on me which I feared would be the case; I did wear the platform Filas with them but as you can see, it’s not like they’d be trailing over my feet even in flats. I’m somewhere between 5′3 and 5′4 for reference and usually go for petite in jeans  and trousers just to be on the safe side.

8.  HERMITAKH Ring Detail Halter Crop Top in Black: £5.15, Size M

I have only recently become a member of the itty bitty titty committee but even back when I shot this lookbook this halter actually fit! When it came to tops that necessitate going braless, I always had issues with finding pieces I didn’t feel were going to cause an unintentional free the nipple moment, but the fact that you can tie this top up at the neck and back yourself allows you to work out a fit that’s supportive for you. 

9. Puffie Lightning Print Straight-Cut Pants: £13.76, Size M

I’d wanted a pair of trousers like these for ages before I saw them on YesStyle but the ones I’d come across in the past were a bit extra for my hometown and typically cost more than they seemed to be worth. This pair lack the bulk that the original styles I came across had, which helps give them a more casual, laid back feel, though they are just as vibrant and substantial BUT there isn’t much give in them. They have the slightly baggy look I was going for however they aren’t elasticated on the waist so I recommend having a look at the guide that’s available next to the drop down box where you select the size you want.

 10. Alfie Mesh Long-Sleeve Top in Pink: £7.71, One Size

No, the Jennifer’s Body top isn’t from YesStyle, I’m sorry to disappoint. Go to RedBubble for that one! The considerably less exciting mesh top underneath however, is, and in spite of its relative mundanity (you can’t top Megan Fox as a man-eating demon) it does the job as a versatile staple piece. It’s one size but it does have a lot of stretch in it so would probably go up to about size 14 (not to say that’s great).

11. Barrash Harness Bag: £17.10, One Size

The harness vest is one of my favourite trends to come out of k-fashion and I wanted SO badly to pull this piece off (especially because it was one of the most expensive pieces I purchased from the site) but it was far too big for me even when I adjusted it and TBH...I don’t even know if it’s just the sizing? I kinda felt like a paranoid tourist with their bag on back to front and yeah...I don’t think that’s the desired effect. Here’s an example of how cool they CAN look from Seoul fashion week, and with that another example of why NYFW should lose its place in the “big 4″ to make room for SFW:

And just Blackpink just setting the standard for the utility wear trend in general:

12. Mikiko Short-Sleeved Blouse in White: £8.79, One Size

I appreciate that the website notes that the “one size” here runs small, however it does also say that a “base layer” is needed for under the shirt which I didn’t find was necessary at all. The fabric is quite thick and it genuinely looks like the kind of shirt you’d find tucked away in a vintage shop, cute af and will go with anything.

13. Closette Sleeveless V-Neck Vest in Black: £11.87, One Size

Again, I was really impressed with the quality of this jumper; it definitely looks like something you’d pick up in a uniform shop (though this one is probably cheaper because those shops are daylight fucking ROBBERY) but I can never get enough of that grungy school girl look. Blame St.Trinians. 

14. Niji Smile Pleated Plaid Skirt with Insert Shorts in Green: £9.12, Size M

This skirt might be my absolute favourite of the items I ordered on the sole basis that it comes with shorts built in underneath, like, WHY DON’T ALL MINI SKIRTS HAVE THIS!? Plus the shape and the bounce it has to it makes me feel ultra-feminine and effortlessly cute which I love. It didn’t even turn up crumpled! Which you’ve really got to admire considering half the clothes in my local H&M look like they’ve never got within 10 metres of an iron in their short lifespan. 

15. LINSI Elbow-Sleeve Print T-Shirt: £10.92, One Size

If I had to pick one more favourite piece, it would be this graphic top that I wore underneath a pink chiffon Ebay dress. It looks and fits exactly like the photos on the website and I have to restrain myself wasting a wear of it just lounging around the house because it’s also ridiculously comfy.

16. LINSI Plaid Straight-Cut Pants in Orange: Size M

These trousers are currently out of stock, however I will say that of everything I’ve ordered they’re probably the least comfy and on that basis I’m not sure if I’d buy them again. They look great and I will push myself to wear them for that reason but they’re the kind of itchy fabric that I rush to take off and swap for some pyjamas the moment I get into the house. That being said, I don’t know if this is an issue everyone will have because I am someone that is overly sensitive to fabrics so you might not even notice it, plus-stretchy waistband! Which is a plus for sure.

I was also very impressed by the accessories I ordered, which once again completely surpassed my quality expectations. Pretty much everything pictured here was under £5 apart from the shoulder bag which was closer to 10, and when you consider that the price of these is inflated at the moment because of the resurgence of the Y2K trend, this is still ridiculously cheap.

The prices are definitely a concern of mine because unfortunately, when products are this cheap there’s usually somebody being exploited down the line. Since I made this order in May, I’ve had a small slip up with a Motel Rocks order, but other than that have cut out fast fashion completely. I want to be as ethical a consumer as I can, and that’s something I considered before making this post; that being said, YesStyle, actually a Hong-Kong based company in spite of it being touted as the destination for k-fashion, was recognised as a "Caring Company" between 2014 and 2019 (I don’t think this has been updated for 2020 yet given the circumstances) by the Hong Kong Council of Social Service. From what I can find online, this award is given to Hong Kong companies that demonstrate good corporate citizenship and responsibility. Whilst this seems like reassuring information, like I said, I find it hard to believe that the production of clothes selling for these kinds of prices isn’t outsourced to low wage workers at some stage of the process. It’s a hard to know where to stand, because obviously the fast fashion industry DOES create jobs that people rely on to sustain themselves but at what point does the treatment of workers in developing countries negate the opportunities the industry provides here in the UK? “There is no ethical consumption under capitalism” and all that but shouldn’t we try to make a change where we can? I agree with the statement though at times it can come across like a deflection of individual responsibility. Plus there’s the environmental side of the debate-having to fly the garments over from the point of manufacture obviously takes a massive amount of fuel which it goes without saying is hugely detrimental to our planet. The sizing is also an issue; the average clothes size here in the UK is a 12, I believe, and yet a size medium seems to come up as about an 8. Asian sizes do tend to come up smaller in general but at the same time, if that’s the case, as an international retailer shouldn’t YesStyle at least address that somewhere on the site?

I don’t want to end on a negative note because compared to sites like Zaful, SheIn, and even UK based retailers such as Pretty Little Thing and Boohoo, YesStyle appears to be one of the better ones. The quality of their garments is incredible for the prices and I admire the transparency of having reviews for every product be so readily accessible. It’s also great to see that they have a section specifically addressing their response to the COVID-19 pandemic, AND  offer refunds to their customers for import fees. God, I don’t know why this isn’t something that more websites do? I will never forget being slapped with a £100+ invoice for a Dolls Kill (bleurgh) order I made once back in the more impulsive shopping days and all the Karen-y emails I sent back and forth. Import fees are understandable but international retailers should definitely make it clearer how these are calculated and give more of an indication of just how steep these fees might be if you’re making a large order. It almost seems disingenuous not to do so especially when said retailers most likely know that customers wouldn’t make these orders if they had an idea of what it would cost just to get access to the goods they’ve already paid for.

I won’t ramble on for much longer because there is so much important shit going on in the world right now and I don’t want to take up time that could be spent reading more valuable posts-with the shooting of Jacob Blake earlier this week, and the death of Chadwick Boseman earlier today (I can’t imagine the amount of mental and physical strength it takes to film all the movies he did back to back whilst dealing with colon cancer), the most important thing to do is listen to how black individuals are feeling and what they are thinking right now. I will keep an eye on my dashboard and retweet what I can. Thanks for reading. Even if you’re just here for the photos, I appreciate it! And I don’t know if I’ve said it before but please know that my messages are always open to anyone struggling, especially with everything that’s going on at the moment. I don’t claim to be a professional but I can always listen. Lots of love<3

Lauren x

[myucornerorg]

So not Sailor Moon related but I was able to get my hands on the two newest volumes of the Clear Card manga recently, as well as volume 6 of the Clow Card arc, which was missing from my collection. And I just did a big binge read of all 19 available volumes (6 for the Clow Card Arc, 6 for the Sakura Card Arc -- or as Tokyopop chose to call it, Cardcaptor Sakura: Master of the Clow -- and 7 for Clear Card). I've been documenting it on Instagram -- you can see it if you search for the hashtag #ccsbingeread2020. (I created a hashtag for it mostly for my own future reference). I still have some pics to post from Volume 6 and I need to decide what to post for 7.

Anyway...so Clear Card Volume 5 ends where the anime ended last (although with a slightly different ending), meaning 6 and 7 bring us beyond what the anime has covered. And let me tell you...things get PRETTY interesting. I won't spoil anything, but things are getting pretty close to a final battle. We get backstories for Kaito and Akiho in Volume 6, and more insight into what Kaito's plans actually are, though there are still definitely questions to be answered on that front. We also find out what Syaoran has been up to with those weird rituals of his, and in volume 7 Sakura finds out his secret as well as becoming aware of where the Clear Cards are coming from.

I'm definitely wondering where the story is going to go now. Volume 8 is out in Japan now (it released on Sakura's birthday, April 1st!) and it looks like it's coming out in English in November. (Gah...I don't want to wait that long...😟 ) The Clear Card list at the CCS Fandom wiki shows 4 cards I haven't seen before that I assume are from Volume 8 - Shade, Break, Transfer, and Promise. Shade resembles Shadow (and I presume has similar powers), Break is maybe a parallel to the new card Repair from Volume 7(?), Transfer kinda resembles the design of the anime-exclusive card Reversal, and Promise has a design that kinda looks like Syaoran. That last one particularly intrigues me because of a point made in Volume 7 about the card designs resembling their inspirations in some cases. I'm also curious about Transfer due to something in Akiho's backstory, especially since the chapter art for the chapter it first appears in (Chapter 42) depicts Sakura and Akiho:

But that assumes that the Transfer Card does what I think it does -- either doing a body switch like Change (the one that made Kero and Syaoran body switch in the anime) or something similar. Not sure though.

So like I said, don't want to spoil the plot -- I tried to stay vague on anything I did say, and I've been putting spoiler warnings on my Instagram posts from Volumes 6 and 7 as well as one from Volume 5 -- but for any of you who aren't caught up on the Clear Card manga yet, you guys are in for a real treat. Just saying.

[cutiecrates]

Cutie Reviews: TokyoTreat September 19

I can’t believe it’s been like 3 months since I last did one of these o_o I mean, it does feel like it’s been some time- but not that long. I’d blame it on Pokemon Sword, but I just got it last week so I guess I can’t. But it did partially have to do with why I was putting this box off, besides a little intimidation because I’m still getting into the swing of things again...

(Warning: melted chocolate pics inside!)

Okay, so as you guys can see for this month we got a paper, which usually only happens when there is an issue going on with an item. Well, for this month, it’s basically saying that they mislabeled the AJ Curry item in the booklet as something else.

The Lucky Treat for this month... do you guys remember? :3 this is the one I actually won! If you want to see the prizes in full detail, check out this blog post! The Prize for the contest features some Dragonball and Gintama figures and candy.

The booklet also features an article on flavors of the month, some basic Japanese, and Pocky!

Watermelon Soda & Melon Jelly DIY

For our fruity theme this month, we got a watermelon flavored soda by Kirin. The drink only contains 15kcal per 100ml, and if I understand this right, the bottle contains 480ml? I can’t really read it- and I suck at math, but that doesn’t sound too bad right?

It smells exactly like watermelon candy/artificial watermelon, and you mostly taste that while drinking it- but the after taste brings to mind a real watermelon. When I was younger I used to love watermelon flavored things, but now that I’m older I find there’s only a few I still like now, so I kinda like this. But I can’t see myself wanting to drink the entire thing either, I’ll probably share it.

Also, I like how the packaging makes it look like a watermelon.

- - - - - -

Our DIY item I’ve reviewed before (I’m pretty sure because I know I had it before), and because of how quick and easy it is, I didn’t see the point in making a whole separate post about it.   

This is a “jelly drink“, in that it starts out liquidy when you mix it, but the more you mix and let it sit, the more... slime-like it becomes. With the color and texture it feels like you’re making a slime rather than a snackish-candy-drink; in saying that, if you’re someone who doesn’t like slimey textured food items, you probably won’t like this.

I have to admit that with its green coloring, I got a little grossed out because of what it reminded me of <_< but I assure it delicious, although light on the melon flavor. It’s also fun to make and play with.

Caramel Corn & Melon Bread Cookies

Next is the ever-so-popular Caramel Corn by Tohato. However, this pack is kind of special because its the last share pack I will be getting in this box! We weren’t supposed to get one at all, but somehow this ended up being my mystery item they included. Luckily I like caramel corn.

If you’re looking for a sweet, crispy snack then I’d recommend trying them. Each little bag of original flavor Caramel Corn is 56kcal, and they come in several flavors for all sorts of tastes, even those you might normally see in crunchy-crispy snacks; like ice cream and soda!

My only issue with these is that sometimes they’re too sweet. I’m used to the normal flavor by now after eating it so many times, but whenever I try a new flavor I can usually just eat a handful before I want something else. But they always taste good :P as long as you eat them within a few days of opening- they go stale pretty quick.

- - - - - - - -

Our next item is a melon bread cookie pack by Yaokin. These seemingly plain cookies are packed with a melon flavoring; and chocolate, as I discovered after I took the picture.

The three flavors of the melon and chocolate combined with the cookie give the entire taste a light sweetness that isn’t overwhelming. It seems dry but the thin chocolate provides a little moistness, I didn’t feel like a drink was necessary after eating one.

Mint Taiyaki & Chocolate Mint Pocky

I’ve said this countless times but for anyone new, I love mint and chocolate mint flavors~

The taiyaki (a fish-shaped cookie or cake filled with cream) I have had before, and as you can see this one came to be very beaten up. I’m not sure what happened because nothing else was mangled in the box, but I assume it could be because of the airy chocolate insides melting.

It’s still very tasty though, and as you eat it, you feel a cooling mint effect in your mouth x3 each one is 89kcal. These are by the brand Meito, and they come in several flavors so I would recommend trying one if you ever see them.

- - - - - - -

Meanwhile, you can also see that the pocky suffered from being in the heat and kept in a box for so long. These weren’t the only thing that suffered in the box.

Anyway, these Pocky come in a 2-set pack, making them perfect for sharing or just giving to someone special or in need of a pick-me-up. The stick is chocolate, while the chocolate cream over it is mint. Per-pack, these are 165kcal.

According to the box, these are good until May, and they taste fine even in this shape. But the flavoring is very light in my opinion, so I’m not sure how I feel about them.

Gudetama Custard Chocolate & Detective Conan Chocolate Bar

Yeah... I think these 2 items got the “heat deformation“ worse than anything else in the box. Surprisingly they are also both by the brand Furuta.

The gudetama bag of chocolates consists of a small chocolate filled with a softer, creamish sort of white chocolate flavored like custard. Each one is 54kcal, and as you can see pretty messy to try to eat as a result of them melting in the packaging.

Honestly, I’m not really into these. They still taste the same as they did back when I opened the box and tried one, but I’m not really crazy about the taste; they kind of remind me of a chocolate brand I really don’t like. They’re not the worst chocolate I’ve tried though.

But I will say that just for the adorable Gudetama theme, they are still worth trying. Especially if you know someone who likes Gudetama. 

- - - - - - 

Our next item (which I know is really hard to see in this picture) is very common, because it frequently shows up in the Kawaii Box. These are the chocolate bars that are filled with wafer and chocolate cream, then coated in another layer of chocolate that resembles a log of wood. Furuta makes them for several series, like Sanrio and Disney.

This one featured a Detective Conan wrapper, but it was pretty messed up by the time I got the chocolate out, so I had to discard it. It was also strawberry-chocolate in taste, and it was very yummy! It reminds me of the Apollo strawberry chocolate, which I would also recommend trying. They’re one of the smaller, cheaper Japanese candies you can easily find on Amazon.

Watermelon Gummies & Soda Soft Candy

This box was kind of repetitive in my opinion, because here we are at another candy I’ve had before. These watermelon gummies by Kabaya came in a Kawaii Box a few months back prior to this one. The entire bag is 159kcal, and something I appreciate about them is that the pack is resealable.

I like these gummies because they’re soft, and the sweetness is very light, but you get a lot of watermelon flavor. They have a refreshing quality to them too, so I think they would make a great summer snack.

- - - - - -

Our next item is by Coris, and it is a soft, chewy candy stick flavored after Soda (which is comparable or also labeled as ramune, you can tell the difference between soda flavors and cola because of the coloring. Cola is usually red or brown, while soda will be blue or white). The candy consists of a chewy tube filled with tightly packed powder, both of which have soda flavoring.

Although it’s not as chewy, these remind me a lot of a Hi-Chew. It’s very tasty, and it’s smooth chewiness makes it feel really nice in the mouth x3 I really like it.

Aj Curry, Yaokin Soba, and Petit Kabuki Rice Crackers

AJ Curry is a fairly common snack you can find in various Japanese snack packs or online, as such as I’ve had it a couple times before. Each bag is 38kcal, and you get a bunch so if you’re looking for a little snack I think these would be a good choice.

I will mention that these expired back in December, but when I opened them they didn’t taste stale, although now I’m beginning to notice it. The flavor is fairly light and I would assume by the name they’re going for a curry spice flavor, which I can taste- but they also remind me a lot of Bugles.

- - - - -

Also by Yaokin, we have this soba snacking noodle and puff pack, flavored after the sauce you would find on soba noodles. You can eat these as-is, or the booklet even recommends putting them on some cooked noodles. Which is something I see a lot of people do, but I never tried it myself.

These expired at the end of December, and they have a weird taste- but I’m not sure if its due to expiration or if its just how they taste. I haven’t had them for a long time. They smell really good, but they have a sort of... fishy aftertaste? To be fair though I haven’t really been a fan of these though, so I’ll probably give them to someone else who I know would like them.

- - - - -

Our last item in this pic is a pack of rice crackers, and I got very excited to see these; I love rice, and I love rice snacks (especially savory ones). I really wish we got more of them!

The flavor is light with these -it reminds me of soy sauce- and they have a soft-crunch texture. I’ve had them before but I will gladly welcome them again because I really like these ♥

Wasabi Nori & Natto Umaibo

I can’t say I’m a big fan of wasabi or natto- but it’s always fun to try something new (within reason that is, there are things I never plan on eating). Our first item is this Nori (seaweed) stick similar to jerky. I have tried one of these before, but I don’t remember what flavor it was; I will say that they remind me a lot of squid though.

As much as I like eating seaweed, I can’t say this is my favorite form of it. You get the taste, but it’s pretty chewy, and honestly a little unpleasant from the wasabi flavor. It’s not terrible, but not something I would choose again.

- - - - -

I love umaibo, but would you believe this one reminded me of wasabi way more than the seaweed did? I never actually tried natto before, but I do know there are like... wasabi or musardish flavoring for it from what I’ve seen. I think that’s what I taste while eating it. But it’s pretty light; this expired back in December though so that might have played a part in it.

It actually tasted really good. Nothing comparable to my favorite Umaibo flavor (corn potage), but I didn’t dislike it at all.

Fried Potato Chips & Yuzu Lemon Salt Chips

These are our last 2 items of this box. Our first item is a small pack of fry-style potato chips. They look a bit like the AJ Curry don’t they?

These don’t taste bad, but they’re pretty plain in comparison to the other items in the box. They have a light flavor, but it’s basic, nothing special. They got a nice crunch though, and they don’t taste bad. If you’re not really into unique flavors this would probably be up your alley.

- - - - -

Our last item is a frequent one by Calbee we often get the pleasure of trying :3 and I mean that very sincerely, because I love their chips (I suggest trying the pepper ones if you ever see them!). They range from basic savory flavors to the more adventurous fruity ones, sweet chocolate dipped, and even some spicy ones like wasabi. But they also have basic chip flavors too.

I think I’ve tried at least 5 variants of their chips, and so far not a stinker among them. They have a high calorie count though, which is the one downside; but as long as you don’t eat them all at once or frequently, I don’t think its too bad.

Now, as I discovered from getting this box, lemon-salt is a fairly popular flavor combination. At first it sounded kind of strange to me, but it always tastes pretty good. You get the refreshing sweetness of lemon with a cut of saltiness, so there isn’t usually any sourness.

Which is exactly how you could describe these chips. They taste really good, and the flavor is a bit lighter than usual so if you’re new to it these might be a good place to start. 

♥ Cutie Ranking ♥

Content - 3 out of 5. I complain about repetition a lot, and sadly this box jammed that button hard for me. Only 4 items were extremely new to me, while the rest was either the same flavors or different ones. BUT, if they had to do repeats I’m glad they were items I actually liked. I was also happy not to see a bag of kit kats. I love them but I was getting tire of them <_< and I find it ironic that even though we no longer got share pack items, I still got them from the random item!   Quality - 3.5 out of 5. A fair amount of items were either expired or melted, warped chocolate but to be fair this box is about 5 months old, it’s not Tokyo Treats fault. But in saying that, I’m rating this based on the fact these items aren’t likely to hold over long, but they mostly all still taste the same/pretty good. Theme - 5 out of 5. Well I can’t say the items were fresh by the time I got to them, but they were tasty :P Total Rank: 7 out of 10. I wasn’t very happy with this heavy repetition (for me personally, I know that can’t be helped because there’s a lot of new people who can say they never had these before), but at least everything was yummy. I disliked one item out of everything, and even then it wasn’t unbearable or nasty. I also didn’t like how badly this box handled itself over time, and out of every box I got I think this one had it the worst. Usually they hold up so much better. But it didn’t ruin the box, an with next months box being Halloween based, I can’t wait to see what we get~

♥ Cutie’s Scale of Yummy ♥

1. Rice Crackers - ♥ Very very VERY yummy ♥ 2. Soda Soft Candy - Delicious ♥ 3. Chocolate Bar - I love Apollo chocolate x3 so considering this tasted like it, I really liked this one.  4. Melon Jelly Drink DIY - I usually don’t include the DIY items, but since I reviewed it here I didn’t see a point in excluding it. Very tasty, but the melon is really light.  

5. Natto Umaibo - I was kind of surprised I liked this as much as I did. I wasn’t expecting to.  6. Mint Taiyaki - given its poor shape, it didn’t taste as good as my previous one did. But it was still yummy~ 7. Lemon Salt Chips - I’m not sure they’re my favorite of this brand, but I did like them. They make me think of a non-sour lemon meringue.   8. Watermelon Soda - Initially I didn’t want very much but over time I began to like it more, and it seemed to lose that artificial watermelon taste.  9. Watermelon Gummies - Sweet and soft, very refreshing.   10. Melon Bread Biscuits - Pretty tasty, and I like the chocolate cream. I feel like that added something to it.  11. Wasabi Nori - I wouldn’t choose this again, but I didn’t hate it. 12. Choco Mint Pocky - I thought I would like these a lot more, but they’re not as strong as the chocolate mint I’m used to. 13. AJ Curry - these taste fine, I never disliked them. But they were never my favorite either.

14. Gudetama Chocolate - It’s very cute in packaging but the taste wasn’t the best.

15. Fried Potato Chips -  Nothing wrong with them, but they didn’t offer much.

16. Caramel Corn - don’t get me wrong, I think they’re delicious, but it’s just the same thing with these every time.

17. Yaokin Soba - I never liked this, and i still don’t.

[zukadiary]

On The Twentieth Century ~ Snow Troupe 2019

Oh boy. Oh dear. If you'd like some background, here is a fairly comprehensive Wikipedia summary, but since all signs point to this show disappearing forever (a tragedy), I will do my best to go through it roughly scene by scene in hopes of extending the memory. 

“Perfect” is a word I’m still reserving for A-cast West Side Story ‘18, but boy is this close. It’s exactly what I’ve been waiting for, what in my wildest dreams I wanted Daimongumi to be, and feared it might never be. It’s hands down the best time I’ve had with my beloved Yukigumi since Chigi retired, and god I hope they continue on something even VAGUELY resembling this trajectory (tragic nihonmono, not optimistic, but,,,). I hope I can convey even a fraction of the joy that is this show.

Firstly, although it is the site of the first time I ever saw Komu live and thus a house of very treasured memories, I do NOT objectively like Theatre Orb. The third floor is too high for musical theater, the back of the second floor should not be A-seki, and the sound is abysmal. Unless you’re close to the front on the first floor, the instrumentals overpower the vocals, and everywhere I sat, including a pretty good S, there was an unpleasant echo. Like, if you can tamp down the power of DAIMON’S voice, something is wrong with your acoustics. The only time I had an improved experience I was on the extreme side of the 4th row and basically hugging a speaker, but if that’s the range for decent audio it’s a problem. And for some of the impressive songs in this show (and also just for Japanese comprehension of the speedy dialogue), it was a shame.

Everything else was outstanding. I can’t describe how WONDERFUL it was to hear Yukigumi, the tragedy troupe no one asked for, get not just giggles but consistent roaring laughter again. The overall casting—both in taking a chance on giving this troupe this show, and assigning roles to some maybe unexpected people—was brilliant. I’ll get more into the individual performances as I go through the story, but in quick summary: 

Maaya was absolutely the star, in both the weight of her role and the extremely satisfying application of her many talents. Lily is, in my opinion, unquestionably the crown jewel of her Takarazuka career so far, and if something ever tops it we’ll be luckier than anyone has any right to be. I’d kill for more of this treatment going forward; she’s talented enough to carry a show, and I think the dynamic of the entire troupe improves when she’s in this strong of a position.  

Daimon, whom I love to death, was SO above and beyond what even I thought she’d be able to do with a comedy; I always suspected she could pull it off IF she had the perfect formula of support (which I wasn’t confident the current Yukigumi lineup could give her), but she was SO good and SO in charge and SUCH a tone-setter for the entire comedic situation, I was truly blown away.

Owen and Oliver are in my opinion the juiciest roles after Lily and Oscar, but maneuvering around rank to cast Aasa and Manaharu was brilliant. Aasa has been average for me after leaving a huge impression in Robespierre, but her performance as Owen was back to MVP status, and Oliver is an absolute jackpot role for Manaharu, who rarely gets to do much of anything. 

I wouldn’t have wanted to see Saki in any role but Bruce; he’s the big dumb just-a-pretty-face movie star, the butt of many jokes and the most slapstick of all the roles, and her exaggerated physicality was I think better suited to that style of comedy than the quick banter in the Oscar/Owen/Oliver group (also, for the sake of their dynamic, I wouldn’t have wanted Bruce to be someone physically smaller than Oscar).

That put Shou, who conceivably could have been cast higher, in the leftover train conductor role. It’s not as exciting a part, but it was perfect if only to clear the way for the other casting choices. She got to be the center of several musical numbers, and she got to tap dance!

After a little introductory tap number by the four main train boys (Tachibana, Suwa, Manomiya, and Seika), the show opens with famous Broadway producer Oscar Jaffe’s right hand men, Owen (Asami Jun) and Oliver (Mana Haruto), running from an angry mob of unpaid theater crew from Oscar's most recent abysmally failed production (again!). They all but crash into Daimon cameoing Al Capone (because Chicago in the 20s!) as he’s escorted away by a policeman. Owen is more laid back and pretty much always drunk; Oliver is high strung and also prone to drinking. As far as my off-the-cuff brain will take me, Aasa and Manaharu have not had much experience playing off each other, but they worked SO well together. They were so funny, so in sync, perfect foils for each other’s characters, even physically similar enough that they just really looked like a matching set of long-suffering assistants. Since Owen and Oliver don’t have any money, they give the angry mob the slip, and read a note from Oscar instructing them to meet him on the 20th Century Limited, a 16-hour luxury train ride from Chicago to New York, and secure Drawing Room A. Then we go into the prologue number (pics are from the little bit of digest video and like one online article they gave us).

Although in retrospect I think it kind of subconsciously stressed me out the first viewing, I LOVED the music and choreography in this. Almost all the numbers mimic the rhythm of a train chugging along, and much of the choreography—when it isn’t just tap literally designed to sound like a train—has a feeling of commuter busyness to it. It wasn’t just on theme, it also enhanced the chaotic screwball atmosphere. 

Owen and Oliver board the train to find Drawing Room A occupied. When their best middle-aged-white-lady-insisting-to-speak-to-a-manager voices claiming (falsely) that they booked the room weeks ago failed to work on the train staff, they deduce from some nearby luggage that Drawing Room A’s occupant is Congressman Lockwood (Touma Kazuki in a hilariously disgusting fat suit and combover with her shirt sticking out of her pants at all angles) reserved under a fake name. Suspicious, Owen and Oliver burst into the room under the pretense of delivering said luggage and catch the congressman fondling his much younger secretary (Sara Anna). They win the room by threatening to leak what they saw if he doesn’t leave—Riisha scrambling around in such a disheveled huff while Aasa loudly counts down from ten. Score! But just then the train starts moving and Oscar is still nowhere to be found.

Whoops. He loses his hat, Owen and Oliver pull him through the window, and despite his abject failures in both life and train boarding, he lands dramatically front and center, all pomp and ego, waxing lyrical about the glory awaiting them in New York. Poor Oliver, despite being generally more sober and organized, is also more abused.

Daimon, always so delicately pretty and deeply sad, nailed Oscar so hard I don’t have nearly enough words for it. Her eye makeup was stern and crazy (and pretty monochromatic, nice touch for the 20s vibe), her mustache was GROSS, her neurotic mannerisms were so on point and so funny. She AD LIBBED!! WELL!! I was CRYING of laughter on senshuuraku, and she wasn’t just reacting; she was DOING THE AD LIBBING. The way she fidgeted and flailed and whimpered and yelled and modulated her voice WAY high and back down again to drag us though Oscar’s manic journey was just soooooo perfect. Not that I had any doubt she’d kill the songs, but they were hard, so it was all the more impressive. As perfect as Aasa and Manaharu were together, the three of them played flawlessly off of each other too. 

Interrupting Owen and Oliver’s failing attempts to convince Oscar that they are in fact heading for insolvency rather than glory, the conductor informs the passengers that they are approaching Englewood and Oscar flips out. He reveals actress Lily Garland, his former protégé and lover, is boarding there and will be staying in Drawing Room B. He gleaned this information from a bellboy who told a maid and stalked Lily onto the train without her knowledge, but insists that in the 16 hours to NY he’ll be able to convince her to star in his next show, solving his financial problems. Owen and Oliver are Stressed.

This leads into my absolute favorite progression of scenes: a flashback introducing how Lily and Oscar came to meet. Oscar is auditioning Imelda Thornton (the goddess Satsuki Aina) for the role of Veronique, a Parisian street singer who refuses to sleep with Otto Von Bismarck so he attacks Paris and starts the Franco-Prussian war as revenge (men!). If only the photos from this scene showed the parts I want; Daimon was SO funny. Imagine like, the face you make when you try to give yourself 8 chins and take the ugliest low-angle selfie you can. Daimon was that + a thousand-yard stare of skepticism, fidgeting neurotically and tapping the arms of the director’s chair, with Oliver and Owen standing behind, simultaneously goofing off and keeping things running smoothly. Also in the picture at this point: Max Jacobs (Agata Sen), a successful Hollywood producer trying to sign Lily in the present, but in the flashback, Oscar’s (later fired) useless assistant who can’t even take Imelda’s coat correctly. Imelda, an all-ego-no-talent diva, is freaking out because her regular pianist was sick so she had to hire a substitute last minute and she’s late. Enter now Midred/soon to be Lily (Maaya) through the audience, in oversized glasses, tacky pink house dress, and matching hair cap, dropping her sheet music all over the place. Imelda is furious, Oscar is disgruntled, Max is Stressed. Mildred sits down at the piano, Imelda declares she’s going to sing “The Indian Maiden’s Lament,” and tries to begin but Mildred is still dramatically warming up her hands and shoulders. Finally she gives the ok and starts playing something completely different (Imelda, furious; Oscar, melting into a pile of gooey discontent). 

Take 2, Mildred begins playing the correct song beautifully, while Imelda sings horrendously and Oscar tries violently and wordlessly to convey to Owen and Oliver in moments of Imelda’s averted gaze that they need to stop this somehow. Imelda hits a sour note that’s just the last straw for Mildred, and she stops playing and corrects her (gorgeously, flawlessly, Maaya’s voice is a treasure). Imelda, flustered, thanks her and tries again, but isn’t any better. Mildred keeps stopping and correcting her, eventually just singing the end of the song herself, while Oscar, moving his chair closer with hilarious little Flintstone car footsteps, stares at her agape and then gives her a standing ovation. Imelda loses her cool and fires Mildred on the spot for ruining her audition; Mildred hulks out and demands her pay for the day plus train fare (Oscar, fully Team Mildred at this point, is mimicking all her movements behind her). Imelda pays and storms off, telling her assistant to call her an ambulance. Just as Mildred starts packing her things to go, Oscar declares he wants her for Veronique and asks her name.

I wish I could share with you all the sound that both of them made saying “Mildred Plotka,” pronounced “Mildred BLEGCH” with copious spit. I’m embarrassed to admit I just spent a good 30 minutes? trying to chase down a vivid childhood memory—I was 11, and watching Spaceballs on TV with my bff, and in the combing the desert scene they censored “we ain’t found shit” not with a bleep but with some absurd SCHMUSCHSG noise, and my bff and I laughed for approximately 8 days, because we were 11 and probably eating Gushers—and in my memory this and Mildred BLEGCH were the exact same sound, and I wanted you to experience it so much I watched every combing the desert clip on youtube fruitlessly, hoping one would be this exact censorship (sorry... I’m just... Daimon was funny??? and I’m very emotional about it????). Anyway, since no one can say Mildred BLEGCH, Oscar decides her new name will be Lily Garland. After some hemming and hawing about not being an actress, Lily decides to give it a shot. The house dress tears away and we have the snazzy number “Veronique.”

Maaya was absolutely brilliant throughout the entire show, but this number hit me extra hard. Not only was she exceptional vocally through a very challenging song (dancing all the while), but her aura of a freshly hatched starlet, packed with youth and hope and freshness and naiveté and raw unpolished talent, contrasted so vividly with the successful Hollywood actress still fueled by Mildred Plotka spitfire that we see in the rest of the show; I found it VERY striking. It was subtle but so effective and truly masterful acting. Veronique ends, Daimon re-enters from the audience and tosses a bouquet (the first time I saw it she missed the stage, and Maaya, fully in character and without missing a beat, just parkour’d off the stage and grabbed it and hopped back on), and we’re ushered back into the present.

The conductor enters Oscar’s room to inform everyone that a religious nut is vandalizing the train with REPENT FOR THE TIME IS AT HAND stickers, but not to worry because they’re doing everything they can to catch the culprit; and to drop off a play that he’s written about a day in the life of a conductor (to Oscar’s annoyance). Then the train arrives at Englewood station, and Lily boards with a flurry of paparazzi, her assistant Agnes (Chikaze Karen), and her attention-whoring movie actor boyfriend Bruce (Ayakaze Sakina). Maaya (in a GORGEOUS dress) is instantly the Hollywood diva instead of the wide-eyed starlet; Saki is the comic relief in what’s already a screwball comedy. Oscar is a terrible person, so if you can imagine how big and dumb and sappy and suffocating and clumsy Bruce has to be to make you root for Oscar, Saki was all that. 

The two lovebirds put on quite a show of excessive PDA for the photographers while Agnes rolls her eyes, until it’s time for Bruce to leave the train. 

Lily falls to the floor dramatically, wailing oh WHAT will I do without him, when Bruce bursts back into the room, declaring he can’t possibly let the love of his life go to NY all by herself (Lily, all sorrow a minute before, is not 2 seconds later annoyed to see him). So he’s now along for the ride to witness Oscar’s whole scheme.

Owen and Oliver, trying to take matters into their own hands, show up in Lily’s room to beg her sincerely to do a play with Oscar, hoping she’ll pity him and his dire financial situation enough to do him a favor. 

Lily sings a whole song about how that’s never ever ever going to happen, and Bruce freaks out to learn that Oscar is on the train. Lily insists they have no romantic history, and then immediately lights up when she hears Oscar’s voice in her head. They sing a lovey duet representing that they’re still clearly both on each other’s minds. Despite the comedic and not at all tender nature of this show, and the love-hate relationship between these two characters, Daimon and Maaya’s chemistry, in my opinion, has never been better. I wouldn’t have thought it would take playing two self-centered assholes who both despise and desperately want each other to send the sparks flying, but BOY did it do the trick. 

Meanwhile, the REPENT sticker situation is getting worse, and the audience at this point realizes that the culprit is the unassuming little old Letitia Primrose—played brilliantly by Kyou Misa. 

She sings about how she’s taken it as her mission to encourage young people to repent for their sins. 

Oscar hears from Owen and Oliver that Lily is with Bruce and is despondent; he declares that he still loves her will definitely steal her back from both him and Hollywood. Oliver is fed up with his nonsense and tells Oscar he’s off his rocker (bless Manaharu and her ability to simultaneously look like a squirrelly little dude in her suit and bowtie and also not only stand up to Daimon but rile her up and get even more out of her). They get into a big fight and as Oliver storms out of the room, Oscar notices a giant REPENT sticker on Oliver’s back and chases after him to remove it. When he removes and reads it, he’s struck with divine inspiration for a new play about Mary Magdalene, a part so good Lily can’t possibly resist it.

Oscar is so sure this will work he instructs Owen to go buy him a bible so he can start writing the script immediately. Owen reminds Oscar that the train is in fact moving and they can’t really do anything at all, when they see Ms. Primrose’s bible on a chair (and all fall dramatically to the ground). Oscar takes that as a second miracle, insisting this means there will be a third, and Owen and Oliver agree to play along with his demands.

Oscar, now filled with renewed confidence, and Bruce, just as big and dumb as ever, sing a duet about how Lily is theirs (not at each other, separately in their own rooms). Both of them are just awful men.

While the two of them are non-confrontationally fighting over the same woman, Owen is in the bar trying to write a press release about the triumphant return of golden duo Oscar Jaffee and Lily Garland. Ms. Primrose picks up a crumpled draft from the floor and muses that she’d love nothing more than to sponsor some big artistic project. That gets Owen’s attention, and she reveals to him that she runs a patent medicine company and doesn’t know what to do with all her money. Owen calls to Oliver that they’ve found their third miracle!

Back in her room, Lily emerges in lime green negligee, to Bruce’s delight. Things are just getting uh sexy I guess when Oscar interrupts them and actually confronts Lily for the first time.

Bruce is furious that Lily lied about her history with Oscar, who is sitting on the couch in back of the room drinking their champagne and eating all the olives out of their martini glass as they argue. Bruce eventually storms off, slapping his headshot onto the wall as he leaves the room (Oscar immediately stands and tears it up). Lily sits down on the couch, now arguing with Oscar and angrily joining him in eating olives. Their hands touch going for the glass at the same time; Lily sternly tells him to let her go but then turns around and caresses her hand happily. Oscar takes this moment to spring his play idea on her; Lily reveals that she heard the whole story of his bankruptcy from Owen and Oliver and tells him she’s on her way to NY to sign with a reliable producer (the formerly useless Max Jacobs who Oscar himself fired). Realizing he’s out of game, Oscar starts hurling insults and they sing another spark-flying duet—Lily insisting she has everything, and Oscar insisting movies are beneath her talents and she’ll rot in Hollywood and fall into obscurity. 

Lily eventually kicks Oscar out, EARNESTLY throwing and smashing a champagne bottle against the door behind him. Oscar, without even taking a breath between Lily’s room and his, screams at his two traitors for ruining his plan and strangles poor Oliver (on senshuuraku Daimon held on for a comically long time, and Manaharu, refusing to concede that ad lib, then played dead on the floor for a good minute). Oliver and Owen save their own asses by telling Oscar about the sponsor they managed to find on board, and THAT’S ACT ONE (right before curtain, we see a tiny little plane labeled “Max Jacobs” flying above the train).

During the big ensemble number (”Life is Like a Train”) that opens act 2 we discover that the train is now absolutely covered in REPENT stickers, then Owen and Oliver take Oscar to meet Ms. Primrose.

I can’t stress enough how delightful Kyou Misa was, the perfect little ostensibly earnest but just subtly batty old lady; the way she stiffly hobbled around was adorable too. Ms. Primrose is thrilled to work with the great Oscar Jaffee, and even more thrilled to share the story of Mary Magdalene with the world, and asks him how much money he needs. Oscar nervously asks for $20,000, at which Ms. Primrose balks that that CAN’T possibly be enough and writes a check for $200,000. Oscar, Owen, and Oliver giddily sing “Five Zeros” in a manner not unlike Scrooge McDuck swimming in his gold coins, and over the course of the song Ms. Primrose bumps it up to $20,000,000 (in the 1920s!). Now they’re sure they’ll be able to lure Lily back. 

Oscar is about to go grab Lily and introduce her to Ms. Primrose when the train doctor Dr. Johnson (Kujou Asu) busts into his room with yet another manuscript (A day in the life of a doctor!). I mention this mostly because a) I LOVE ASU DEEPLY, she is so underused, and b) the three musketeers leverage this manuscript situation later on in my other favorite scene. They get rid of Johnson and Oscar finds that Lily wants to see him also. She sits him down and asks Bruce to give them some time alone (on his way out, he goes to replace his torn head shot with a new one that comically unfolds into five headshots before Oscar violently chases him the rest of the way out the door). Oscar is fuming, and Lily tenderly asks him to sit, which he does with a grumpy face and a flamboyant kick as he reluctantly crosses his legs on the sofa. Lily explains that she’s embarrassed by her behavior so far, is so grateful to Oscar for her career, and wants to help him after all... so she reaches into her bra and pulls out a check for $35 so at least he’s not dead broke. Oscar, amused, stands up and, acting as if he’s a magician, folds up the $35 check and dramatically asks Lily to blow on his hand. Out comes the $20,000,000 check.

Oscar ushers Lily into his room to prove to her that Ms. Primrose is in fact a real person who wants to sponsor his new play, if she’ll star in it. Lily, despite still generally feeling like she’d rather die than work with Oscar again, is now enticed both by the role of Mary Magdalene, which is much juicier than what she’s been allowed to do on screen, and the prospect of raking in this much money without being beholden to the jerks who run Hollywood. Faithful Oliver has already prepared a contract, and we get “Sign It Lily,” probably both the most difficult/impressive song and biggest earworm of the show. Not the best version but here, have a listen.

Oscar, Owen, Oliver, and Ms. Primrose are all bombarding Lily trying to get her to put her name on the thing (I truly don’t know when Daimon breathes), while simultaneously trying to keep Bruce and his contrary agenda out of the room (Saki gets repeatedly slammed into doors and walls, closed into closets, suffocated with pillows, etc). Lily gets overwhelmed and runs back to her room, pursued by a cocky triumphant Bruce, who yells behind him that they’ll never get her back away from movies.

Oscar gets a lightbulb moment at the word movie, and the team files one by one back into Lily’s room, smashing Bruce in the head with the door each time. Oscar tells Lily that if she agrees to do the play, he’ll shop the movie rights to whatever studio she wants (to which Ms. Primrose responds WHY BOTHER, she’ll fund the movie too). That pushes her over to yes, and she takes the contract to read carefully. The conductor enters the room notifies everyone that they are approaching Cleveland, and that Ms. Primrose’s nephew and his wife sent a telegram ahead that they’d be boarding the train there to meet her. She turns cold and hurries off alone. 

Owen, out for a celebratory entire bottle of wine, coincidentally runs into Ms. Primrose’s nephew (Machi Yuuka), who is frantically searching for his aunt. He says she hasn’t been all there since she stepped down from her position as company president, and just escaped from her mental institution. Owen asks about her money, the nephew says there is none, and Owen realizes they’re fucked.

In the frantic search for the missing Ms. Primrose, Bruce overhears Owen breaking the news to Oscar and Oliver, and tells Lily that Oscar deceived her again. She’s furious, and Oscar probably only escapes with his life because just at that exact moment, the formerly useless and fired but currently hot and successful Max Jacobs bursts through the door (Oscar yells MAX JACOBS like he’s going to burst every single blood vessel in his head and neck).

Max hopped a private plane to Cleveland to meet the train, because he has a brand new play written just for Lily (called “Babette”), and he’s so excited he can’t wait for her to get all the way to New York. Babette is a glamorous high society type role about a woman in love with two men. Lily starts reading the script, but finds herself wondering out loud if it can be changed to be more like Oscar’s. Max is incredulous and starts trash talking Oscar, and Lily slaps him REAL HARD in the face. She then catches herself yet again and and asks to be left alone to read the Babette script more carefully.

We’re taken to Lily’s wistful daydream of a classy party taking place in the Babette universe as she tries to wrap her head around the show and imagine herself in the title role. But she finds it dull, and every few pages, she has an intrusive thought about the more inspiring Mary Magdalene—one minute she’s milling through the impeccably dressed party guests, and the next she’s face to face with Owen or Oliver or Ms. Primrose dressed like an Apostle, until finally Oscar dressed as Calaf Jesus crashes the whole thing from behind. 

(Yup that’s a screenshot of the bromide sample page).

But Lily brings herself to her senses yet again, drives away all thoughts of Oscar, and agrees to sign with Max.

Oscar has lost and he’s despondent. He walks into the train bar to find Oliver sulking behind Owen who is passed out drunk in a chair. He takes out a gun (Oliver tries frantically to wake Owen), and begins a melodramatic monologue about how it’s better just to end his life now because no one wants to see him become a beggar in times square. 

Daimon hilariously mimes Oscar begging, then people throwing garbage at him, then dodging the thrown bits (on senshuuraku Aasa and Manaharu joined in with pretending to throw things). Eventually he leaves the room in despair, and Oliver asks Owen if he thinks boss would really kill himself. Owen is in the middle of saying absolutely no way when they hear a gunshot and run into the next room.

Oscar, now in a comical panic rather than a depression, is clutching his side and gasping that he’s been shot, and the heretofore still missing Ms. Primrose is in the corner of the room holding the gun by her fingertips, crying that she was just trying to put it away when it went off. 

Oliver runs to get Dr. Johnson while Owen tends to Oscar who is (again, comically) writhing in a chair and complaining that being shot by a crazy granny is not how he wanted to go, and this is my second favorite progression of scenes.

Owen offers to call the pastor for Oscar (who, by the way, cannot identify WHERE he has been shot), and Oscar gets mad. Owen then offers him ice cream. Oliver sticks his head back in the door to ask of Oscar is dead yet. Owen says not yet and brings in Dr. Johnson (Asu, my love) who at first giggles and assumes that because it’s Mr. Jaffee he’s just acting. Owen and Oliver assure him this is real, and begin moaning and wailing as Dr. Johnson examines Oscar in earnest.

He stands up, and Owen and Oliver take this to mean it’s a hopeless case, and it’s time for them to say goodbye. On senshuuraku, Daimon verrrrrrrrry slowly slid all the way down the chair, so that Aasa had to hold her up by the arms to keep her from wiping out, AND had to kick her foot to a lower step of the stage so she could stand up again. The raku digest thankfully shows a bit of this, along with the Matrix move Daimon had to pull to jump to her feet when Dr. Johnson declares that Oscar hasn’t been shot at all.

(It does not, however, convey how drawn out and hilarious this was, nor does it show the chair then toppling onto poor Aasa, and it taking her at least 3 tries to get it off her again).

Oscar then gets another harebrained idea, and tells Dr. Johnson that he read his manuscript from before and that it’s SO GOOD he wants to give him an acting lesson right then and there. Dr. Johnson is stoked. Oscar tells him to just sit in the chair, stare at him solemnly, and shake his head back and forth if anyone looks at him (Asu, over the next few minutes, gives what my admittedly biased heart firmly believes is the award winning performance of the show). Oliver and Owen are to pretend Oscar is dying. The cherry on top of senshuuraku was in the moment before this all commenced, Daimon, immediately after the chair debacle, took an extra long pause before delivering (completely straight-faced) her usual line of “I don’t want to see any hammy acting,” after which the others took a comically long pause before replying, “Yep.”

Dr. Johnson takes his place in the formerly toppled chair, Oscar grabs a pillow and lays down on the floor, Oliver and Owen go fetch Lily and start wailing again. Agnes and Bruce also follow Lily into the room and start crying themselves at the sight of Oscar “dying” on the floor. Dr. Johnson looks around from person to person in a panic and starts hyperventilating. Owen and Oliver mime at him to look sadder, Asu licks her finger and dabs tears on her cheeks and then makes the dumbest crying face I’ve ever seen, shaking her head increasingly aggressively each time someone in the room looks at her. Daimon and Maaya are weepily singing “Lilyyyyyyyy, Oscaaaaarrrr” back and forth for deadass three entire minutes. I can’t believe how much vocal control Daimon has even lying on her back on the damn floor.

Lily eventually signs the contract as Oscar’s dying wish. When Max enters the room, Oscar immediately jumps up to rub it in his face, and Lily once again is furious at being deceived. Oscar claims that with no money to offer, the only way he could rescue her from a rotted career was through trickery. **I FORGOT BECAUSE I FINISHED THIS AT 6AM AFTER BEING UP ALL NIGHT that Lily gets the last word because she hasn’t actually signed her name at all but written PETER RABBIT. They throw things and hurl vicious insults at each other and then finally realize they’re just too hot for each other after all and throw open their arms and get married.

The finale opened with Agata in a top hat and tails dancing with a stick and a bunch of musumeyaku, then there was a huge golden group tap number and a lovely waltz for the duet dance. 

I’ve been pretty upset that I had to miss BeruBara 45 and that I booked the trip I’m currently on before finding out Komu and Wataru would be returning to Bow Hall this summer, but being able to see this, especially since we’ll never see it again, was so so worth it. It was certainly a much needed boost for me personally, and it seems like it was a boost for the troupe and for Daimon and Maaya as a combi as well. I’m always torn about Broadway shows like this, because they’re SO good, and I WANT them to take on these kinds of challenges, especially when the result is so spectacular, but it’s such a bummer when they disappear forever. Many points to Harada for fitting this weird musical to Yukigumi like a perfect cozy little glove. 

[yeolspuppy]

Chanyeol - ‘’With you’’ (lyrics analysis)

Hi there, everyone who reads my analysis and always waits for my new posts!!!

Today I’m gonna talk about another beautiful song. It’s called ‘’With you’’, is from EXO’s new album (okay why am I saying this, lol everyone knows that).

Anyways, when I’ve read the lyrics of this song, I thought ‘’That’s it. You have to analyze it’’.

So here we will talk about the lyrics of this song. 

As you all know, I have 2 other analyzes about Chanyeol’s self composed song ‘’Heaven’’ and about ‘’Creep’’ (he made a cover of it). We will compare it with ‘’Heaven’’ lyrics as well because to me, ‘’With you’’ is obviously related to it, so I couldn’t ignore it.

There’s so much to say so I don’t even know where to start from but well, LET’S DO IT.

Firstly, befe the album was even released, as we all saw, ‘’With you’’ was the song of Baekhyun’s teaser.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ue5911MOqDc

People can come up with many ideas but I, personally, don’t think it’s just a coincidence. After all, light is Baekhyun’s power.

Next, it’s important, so let’s see what Chanyeol actually said about the song and that way we can also see why it’s feels like ‘’Heaven’’ (Part 2).

(TRANSLATION)

‘‘The genre of this song was my favorite type and I felt comfortable when I listened to it. While writing the lyrics of the song, I thought about the people I love, I thought about fans a lot too. I also thought about the times I’ve spent with the members....’‘ - Chanyeol

It was obvious he wrote it for the members when we listened to his self composed song ‘’Hands’’. When you read the lyrics, it’s clear how he expressed his thoughts, his feelings for the members as they always helped him and supported him.

BUT IN THIS CASE

It’s really hilarious how he said he thought about the members, when the whole song is about a man being deeply in love. Clearly, it’s not about friendship or brotherhood.

Well, unless it’s really about Baekhyun, his member mate, what he said makes real sense.

Since I want people to understand how’s this song related to ‘’Heaven’’, let’s do a little throwback.

This is what Chanyeol said about ‘’Heaven’’.

‘’I’ve written the song as If I was really in love. It’s about the lover who fell from the sky’’. 

PLUS

In order to remember the details, I have watched the live video where Chanyeol talked about ‘’Heaven’’ and it was cute to find out how he kept looking to Baekhyun’s direction while explaining the lyrics. Lol.

Ain’t claiming anything guys, watch the video yourselves, maybe you have another opinion. I just said what I saw.

Baekhyun pointing at himself while singing ‘’Hello angel, you’re like a painting...’’

Baekhyun saying he likes exactly those lyrics.

I don’t know about you guys but it says a lot to me.

By the way, if anyone wants to read the full analysis about it, here is the link.

https://yeolspuppy.tumblr.com/post/154371991400/chanyeols-self-composed-song-heaven-lyrics

Now let’s go back to ‘’With you’’.

~~~~~~~~~~~

No one was surprised anymore when Baekhyun said his favorite song from the album was ‘’With you’’.

Up to now, Chanyeol has always compared his beloved one to the sky, the stars, angels. It’s not what we say, it’s what he says himself in his lyrics.

That’s damn obvious already since we all remember when he was asked to describe Baekhyun with one word, he said ‘’Sky’’, right?

Anyways, to me, ‘’With you’’ is much deeper. This song is much more intimate. It shows how deep, how strong the relationship is with the person he wrote the song about. If you read the lyrics of ‘’Heaven’’, you can see many, really MANY references in the lyrics, so there’s no doubt both songs are about one and the same person. To not assume things, let’s make sure ;)

Not to go far, guys. The first lyrics of these songs are almost the same. So similar. Chanyeol sees his lover, when he looks to the sky, to the stars.

The following sentences as well; Chanyeol’s beloved one resembles everything that shines, resembles the light. And in both songs, Chanyeol mentions

‘‘even if the street lights go out and the moon disappears...’‘

‘‘when the night sky thickens..’‘

It’s still bright because his beloved one is the light and is there to shine for him. As if no matter what happens, Baekhyun is always there to make Chanyeol feel better and solve any problems.

‘‘The whole world is tinded with light

You naturally take my hand and

It’s getting tainted by me...’’

I relate this to Baekhyun’s bright personality. Not only his power is the light, but he, himself is a very bright person, like a little sunshine.

All of the EXO members mostly call him ‘’mood maker’’ because of that. Especially Chanyeol.

I find it very interesting that when the members are asked about who’s the mood maker of the group, they all answer Chanyeol or Baekhyun. And Chanyeol always says it’s Baekhyun. He always says Baekhyun is the one who makes the atmosphere around better, makes everyone feel happy. And I think it’s really cute how we can see the reflection of his words in the lyrics of this song.

Chanyeol has been talking about light since 2014. I hope you all guys remember his old profile picture in Instagram. Here it is.

His most favorite expression I guess.

‘‘Happiness Delight’‘

And what actually is crazy here

If we translate ‘’Happiness De light’’ it basically means ‘’Happiness from light’’.

Think about this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

And those last sentences are the KEY.

‘‘Sometimes I think that if you look exactly the same as me...’‘

It’s not even a secret for anyone that Baekhyun and Chanyeol are very similar. They have common interests, the same music taste and etc. No wonder that Chanyeol himself said Baekhyun is his soulmate.

Again here. 

A person so similar with him he feels like that person is his reflection in the mirror.

A person he sees everyday.

To make it even more clear (though I don’t know how this can get even more obvious lol)

Let’s do another throwback to 2016.

Here’s one of the most popular interviews of Chanyeol and Baekhyun, something very rare, when they talked about each other. Yes, the VIVI MAGAZINE Interview.

Read the lyrics of the song? Now let’s see what Chanyeol said here about Baekhyun.

‘‘Nothing has changed...’‘ since it’s been long.

‘‘Play games together, work out together, our hobbies go together well...’‘

This just proves it one more time. How close they are and how similar they are, how they do everything together because they match with each other better than with anyone else. And this is what Chanyeol keeps talking about in the lyrics as well.

This is how he talks only about Baekhyun. That says a lot.

To make it as clear as water, let’s see how Chanyeol describes his ideal type.

‘‘Appearance doesn’t matter to me. I prefer someone I can compose with, someone I can cook with, someone who smiles a lot, is honest, someone who has the same music taste as me’‘.

Composing together since decades.

Chanyeol, who invited Baekhyun to cook together, though Baekhyun is not even good at cooking.

Baekhyun who smiles as much as he talks, Baekhyun who’s sincere, honest than anyone else, that’s why he keeps talking about sensitive topics during broadcasts, concerts and so on, making other members feel nervous and awkward, lol.

Back to our interview, guys, the last point. Chanyeol said Baekhyun and him have the same music taste, so they talk about music related topics as well.

That’s not even all.

I think some of you will remember once Chanyeol was asked to describe his ideal type and he said ‘’Someone who would laugh at my jokes’’.

In my opinion, Baekhyun is the only person who always laughs at Chanyeol’s jokes, no matter whether they’re really funny or not. It’s like no one understands their inside jokes. Only two of them.

And even if the other members don’t laugh, they always laugh at each other jokes.

https://twitter.com/chanyeoloving/status/910122800849014785

https://twitter.com/TheEksorcist/status/830391318375387137

And this is what Baekhyun said about Chanyeol during VIVI MAGAZINE Interview.

Their words make even more sense once you see what Baekhyun actually said about ‘’With you’’.

‘‘Love someone so much that you start looking like each other’‘.........?

‘‘Our sense of humor become the same...’‘..........?

This is something I don’t even want to explain in details. Everything is clear for you all I guess. But it is very hilarious that he speaks about people in general AND suddenly switches to ‘’our sense of humor become the same...’’.

As if he’s personally involved in the song.

~~~~

Another lyrics I could not ignore, guys.

Let’s say, this is just my opinion BUT

When I was reading the lyrics, I thought it would be unfair to not mention Chanyeol’s following words from the interview

‘’We chat together with Baekhyun all night till we both forget about time’’.

No comments needed, yeah.

And there it goes.

‘‘We talked all night....How was your day?

You are the best

I’m more brilliant because of you’’

We can see, Chanyeol finds his inspiration in that person. He thinks that person is the best, someone he can learn from and become a better person every day. 

Gotta put this here, at this point.

‘‘Be it drama, and music, acting activities, singing with other artists, it’s always perfect no matter what he does...’‘

Once again, his words about Baekhyun find their reflection in the lyrics.

I don’t know about you guys but the first lines got to my heart so much.

‘‘Find me in your eyes like a habit

Deepening night

I pause for a moment

I want to keep it in my eyes’’.

Through these lyrics we can see it again, the closeness and just how much Chanyeol loves his beloved one. Based on the lyrics, I can say they have been together for a really long time.

Well, 6-7 years is so damn long.

It’s just impossible to write such lyrics without actaully being in love. 

Really beautiful how Chanyeol doesn’t want to let the light disappear, he wants to keep it in his eyes.

Explains why he stares at Baekhyun 24/7.

Sorry for the pics, I couldn’t help myself.

Every line, every lyric of this song is so full of love, I can’t miss any of them. Here Chanyeol talks not only about similar characters, hobbies and feelings but also physicial similarities. It is very interesting in my opinion. Because so many people talked about Chanyeol and Baekhyun looking so similar sometimes that when you look at their pics, at some point, it’s hard to understand whether it’s Chanyeol or Baekhyun.

These lyrics are so important. Chanyeol doesn’t miss anything, he describes his beloved one so well we can literally see that person’s image in our head.

‘‘Even the way you speak, feels like it’s me...’‘

The same lame jokes, the same expressions. We all have seen of that enough, right?

‘‘Every single small thing was me being like you...’‘

When we read these lyrics, we can see that person is someone Chanyeol respects a lot, someone he admires.

This reminds me of all those moments when Chanyeol and Baekhyun burst in laugh together. 

Baekhyun laughs and Chanyeol follows him.

Chanyeol laughs and Baekhyun follows him.

Also here.

They are both on the floor. In their own world. And even here, Chanyeol follows Baekhyun. The moment Baekhyun throws himself on the floor, Chanyeol follows him.

And crazy, but  Chanyeol gets up from the floor as soon as Baekhyun does. (thanks Noel for noticing this).

Chanyeol always does what Baekhyun does.

I think this what exactly he meant by ‘’ ‘‘Every single small thing was me being like you...’‘

Baekhyun is an example for him. Once again we see it.

The last lines of the song are no less sweet than the others. And here I would like to bring ‘’Heaven’’ too

In ‘’Heaven’’ Chanyeol promises to protect his beloved one, to protect that person’s heart so that it won’t be hurt.

And what’s really interesting and beautiful, in ‘’With you’’ , this time he asks that person to promise to stay with him.

I think here Chanyeol means their fame, the scene when he talks about ‘’the lights’’ . 

Means when they’re no more young and popular, when they’re not idols anymore, they’d still be together. (Again, thanks to Noel for this. Ugh her mind).

And the last ‘’Love you’’ is so intimate. It is very special and even more personal than all of the lines together.

Also the fact that Chanyeol and Baekhyun finish the song together. 

Chanyeol says ‘’Love you’’ while Baekhyun still sings. So it comes out like

Baekhyun: Shine on me

Chanyeol: Love you

They say these lines at the same time.

It is very important. And obvious.

Lastly

In my ‘’Heaven’’ analysis, I have also added about the song lines distribution.

Baekhyun sang the most of the song. (44.5%).

And I think it’s extremely cute because let’s look at ‘’With you’’ ‘s line distribution now.

Baekhyun sang, ATTENTION, 47.2% of the song!! 

~~~~~~

Well, let me finish this analysis here. Please remember that this is my opinion, I’m not forcing anyone to accept it. This is just the way I see and feel these lyrics. To me, it was obvious Chanyeol wrote this song for Baekhyun based on the way they both talk about it. It is fine, if your opinion differs. Thanks again! :)