#see as an existential threat??
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for people to say that young Jewish people breaking down out of fear (even fear that's not justified) is the same thing as white tears is despicable. did you all fucking forget about the Holocaust? why do you think a young Jewish person who's been told Zionism is the answer to antisemitism their whole life and that Hamas wants to kill them might react with fear? just use your fucking brains for One Singular Minute.
the answer to Zionism in Jewish communities is not the same as the answer to racism. telling Jewish Zionist people, who have been raised around people who suffered a genocide, who have this severe intergenerational trauma within living memory, that they are the same as a random white Christian American when they have a trauma response to something they've been told is an existential threat is not fucking helpful. in fact, it's only going to cement their Zionism.
do you actually want to eradicate Zionism in Jewish communities? start by acknowledging that antisemitism is real, still happening, and deadly. until you can do that, most Jewish Zionists are not going to be receptive to you. if you can't do that, I suggest leaving that work to Jewish antizionists and devoting your energy to political actions that will help Palestine, like calling your reps, protesting, and continuing to raise awareness about the situation on the ground there.
#it's the most callous shit to see stitches of that Jewish girl in a breakdown calling it white tears#and the tears of someone who isn't genuine/doesn’t experience oppression#why do you think someone whose community has still not recovered from a genocide within living memory might react that way to something they#see as an existential threat??#yes they are wrong. palestinian liberation is not a threat to Jewish communities#but you're seriously going to watch a Jewish person sobbing about their fear of a genocide#and say that that's the same as random karens crying after being called racist? fucking seriously??#it's pure antisemitism#and it's completely counterintuitive to breaking down the hold Zionism has on our communities#tzipi talks
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Arcane gives away the plot in incredibly unsubtle ways The most unsubtle hint is that Sevika's name can literally translate to "Servant of God". That's genuinely clever.
The origin of nations are highly mythologized stories so it works that her role in the story and on a meta level is to assist larger than life characters with cults of personality that can make Zaun's story happen.
The story isn't subtle about any of this! She worked for Silco, a man draped in anti-christ imagery with a cult clearly brewing in the background of Zaun, because he could make Zaun happen. Then when Silco's ability to put Zaun's independence above all else faltered in the face of his loyalty and love of his daughter he dies.
In a bit of foreshadowing Sevika already revealed the trump cards she had in her deck in the face of Silco's absence, Jinx and Viktor. Two figures already set up for greater feats of grandeur and idolization than Silco had achieved alive.
Jinx, whose been baptized and ressurected as often as Silco, is the character for without whom the plot could not exist (or keep going). Jinx's militancy against Piltover forced was the reason Zaun's independence into the Council's room. And throughout the show Jinx imagery has either absorbed or subverted Janna's symbolism.
Janna is characterized by swirling blue winds, but in Zaun it's the blue of Jinx's cloud smoke that defines the land.
Instead of Janna's blue bird meant to symbolize hope, Zaun is filled with Jinx's crows that call out Jinx's next act.
Now Jinx has desecrated Janna's holy site in her own image by adorning the ruins with a shrine to her own life.
Meanwhile we've seen Viktor in the Sump, shrouded like a prophet to heal those harmed from their long-term shimmer dependence. Viktor is not set to remain in rags though.
Half the time the Machine Herald is referenced it's always coded in power.
In the first shots of Zaun post-time skip we see a well guarded building called "The Herald's Palace".
In Sevika's playing cards Viktor's mask is given prongs to evoke the image of a crown. In both instances the Machine Herald's image is laced with Jinx's visual motif. First Jinx's blue swirls Frame The Herald's sign on his building, and her debut tag is centerd on his tarot card.
It's only in past deeds is Jinx's presence unseen on Viktor's work. For example, the drains of the water treatment system Viktor is hinted at creating are decorated to resemble previous iterations of the Machine Herald's masks and are visually his alone.
It seems we're in for a double act next season!
#arcane#arcane meta#sevika arcane#jinx arcane#viktor arcane#silco#jinx and viktor#viktor and jinx#honestly it seems like viktor's the bigger existential threat between the two#they both have cults#but viktor's cult is definitely weirder#i would love to see how sevika deals with these two divine knuckleheads
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Everyone else on the funny election poll:
Jeb!
Voteblues on the funny election poll:
#like legitimately a lot of you are going to worry yourselves into an early grave or worse over all-powerful political boogeymen#every opposing candidate will become an existential threat and every election will become Our Last Chance to Save Democracy#every second person you see on the street will become an Enemy just waiting to strike#and it's going to leave you a hollowed-out shell of a person#I sincerely hope that a lot of you manage to break the habit before it reaches that point
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laying in bed, trying to fall asleep, thinking about viktor’s potential to be a major player in season 2. what if. what if.
#dare i say THEE major player#every so often i convince myself that he’s secretly the main character#ever since heimerdinger warned against the hexcore#and made viktor’s experiments into a genuine existential threat#and then the hexcore warps into something eerily organic after any#and then we see similar webbing all over the marketing#and THEN we see a hexcore-esque ball in the trailer#inside of which we can see jayce’s figure#like ok then#viktor arcane#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane s2#let me have my delusional optimism in peace#to anybody who would Dare Defy Me
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Do psychotropic drugs and/or ritual play a role in any of the blightseed cultures? A pretty broad question, lol
Yeah that’s a very broad question, the answer is about as much as it tends to play roles in real history. Alcohol is pretty ubiquitous (outside of cultures that abstain from intoxicants) and used for a variety of purposes, opioids are commonly used in some parts for pain relief or recreational purposes, stimulants (usually in mild, natural forms) are used to provide extra energy, and hallucinogens are most commonly used as part of a larger religious framework (rather than for recreational purposes). Any more elaborate answer kinda has to be case by case in a certain culture or part of the setting.
I'll just take this as an opportunity to talk about the one established sect that pretty much REVOLVES around psychoactive use. This is the Scholarly Order of the Root, which is a sort of mystery religion + elite community of scholars who currently occupy the Ur-Tree and its forest in the far southern Lowlands (southeast of Imperial Wardin, on the same land mass).
The Ur-Tree is the obligatory Huge Fucking Fantasy Tree (and its surrounding forest). It’s a mass of vegetation about a mile tall and almost as old as Plant Life Itself, its upper branches are primeval plants, which become more modern the nearer they get to the ground (and each 'level' holds tiny ecosystems, some containing descendants of LONG-extinct arthropods/other small animals). Its lowest branches and the surrounding forest are contemporary plant life, and all is connected and protected by an incomparably MASSIVE fungal mycelium network (which is itself a living god).
A lot of the Scholars' more secretive practices revolve around experimentation with substance use with the goal of expanding the Mind and transcending the body to fully connect to the Dreamlands, and they have a supply chain of traders and mercenaries called Rootrunners who traffic substances into the Lowlands. Most of their psychoactive use is in a very intentional capacity and not just like, for fun, but a LOT of them are just straight up addicted to cocaine (in the form of alchemically refined bruljenum, which is used for practical purposes of its stimulant effect during long hours of work).
All known psychoactives are desirable for experimentation (particularly hallucinogens), with each having properties that either allow expansion of the Mind, transcendence of the body, or outright divine communion. Their effects are logged in great detail and interpreted to form the basis of the Scholars' understanding of the natural world and reality itself.
The most important substance is Ur-Root, which is root matter from subterranean levels of the Ur-Tree that have both their own intrinsic psychoactive substances and a very, very high concentration of living god mycelium. The tree root contains DMT and the mycelium has its own wholly unique effects (being an actual living god). They alchemically refine it into a purer, more potent form, and use it to expand beyond the body and directly commune with the Giants, a group of entities they have identified as the only true gods.
An Ur-Root trip starts off with minor visual distortion, which turns into shifting fractals that slowly obscure the vision. Eventually the senses are entirely taken over by a 'tunnel' of rapidly shifting fractals and geometries. In a complete trip, the experiencer gets a sense that they have been pushed through a membrane and entered another realm, finding themselves in a distinct experiential Space.
At this point they may encounter entities which communicate to them in a language impossible to describe but wholly understood. These beings are understood to be the Giants, or at least aspects of the Giants that mortals are capable of comprehending (they often take familiar tutelary forms of the Mantis or the Snake, or appear resembling the same type of sophont that the experiencer is, all composed of ever-shifting geometries). The experiencer often feels a sense of unconditional and endless love from these beings, though the Giants may be more hostile and may appear in the form of the Trickster (usually a cultural figure regarded as malicious, be it an animal or otherwise) in a bad trip.
(^Up until this point, this has mostly just been a DMT 'breakthrough' experience ft. 'machine elves' and the like).
They are then removed from this space and returned to something that feels like the real world, but is nearly unrecognizable. They have a sense of rapidly moving through time, and will usually see 'the spires' towards the beginning, which just so happen to look like this:
(source + some context via Implication- the spires are exactly what this art is depicting)
The experiencer continues to move across an unfathomable amount of time, occasionally 'seeing' other such flashes of unfamiliar landscapes and creatures, and yet also being devoid of all their senses, the 'seeing' is pure, unfiltered experience. There is a sense of interconnectedness with all life, and that one has become the forest (or even Life) itself. The sense of time is wildly distorted, the trip lasts only about 5 minutes but feels like an eternity and is understood as literal hundreds of millions of years.
The experiencer has usually lost any remaining sense of Self and individual consciousness during this phase (in which case this time distortion is usually a neutral or even peaceful experience), but some retain a fraction of their identity, and find themselves trapped and conscious while experiencing what feels like eternity (which can be LIFE-CHANGINGLY distressing, even after the fact).
(^This latter part of the trip is the effects of the Ur-Tree fungus).
The trip ends with a sense of rushing through the ground and back up into one's body, at which point they will abruptly return to their senses and consciousness. The details are then immediately retrieved via interview and recorded in immense detail. The whole experience is understood as having been full comprehension of the Dreamlands, communion with the Giants, and then a tour through the act of creation.
This is done as part of the initiatory practice into the inner mystery-religion of the scholars, and as needed for study by high scholar-priests. It is not taken lightly, both as it is absolute communion with the gods and reality, and in that it can be a very, very difficult experience. People who have gone through this often walk away with a permanently shifted perspective, often in a positive and/or comforting way- a sense of interconnectedness with all life, a peace with the concept of death, seeing less of a point in individual ego and the concept of Self, and comfort in the sense of divine love they (may have) experienced. This heavily influences the philosophy of the Scholars and has had effects by proxy in the religious worldviews of the region.
Details of this experience are closely guarded, and initiates are given absolutely no prior knowledge and expectations for their trip. This is seen as a necessity- their naivety will allow for a true, unfiltered experience, and can be used to gauge whether they should or should not be accepted. Those that have a distinctly bad trip upon initiation may be assumed to have been 'rejected' by the giants and thus denied full priesthood, though this largely depends on How they interpret their distressing trip- those who identify this as a test and harsh lesson in a journey to enlightenment may be accepted (as this is how fully initiated scholar-priests interpret and handle their bad trips).
This inner priesthood is only a small fraction of the Scholarly Order, and its greater function is as a hub of education and repository of knowledge, and Scholar-trained doctors can provide some of the best medical care available in the setting ('best medical care in this setting' only means so much but it's pretty solid, relatively speaking). Only a chosen few Scholars ever get to commune with the Ur-Root, and most of the divine secrets revealed in the process are kept hidden (though they indirectly influence the politics and worldview of the entire order).
#I'm kind of fascinated by the quasi-religious beliefs that have developed around recreational hallucinogen use (ESPECIALLY DMT)#In contrast to like. Uses of DMT-containing substances like ayahuasca for long-established religious purposes#So this concept is basically 'what if a religion was FORMED from pretty much the ground up out of DMT usage'#Like the common 'entities' people encounter in recreational use being identified as the Real Gods and producing a religious worldview#that is mostly rooted in this experience (while still influenced by other cultural factors)#Also the like. Meta going on here is that the fungus is a 'living god' and the oldest one on the planet#It is a VERY rare type of living god that is 'created' by non-sophont (non-sentient even) beings and exists as a mycelial network#that perfectly supports and protects an entire forest. Basically a god for plants. It is so deeply interconnected with its forest that the#usual power sophont belief would have over it has basically zero influence. This is absolutely the closest thing to A God in canon.#(While still not being a Creator/sapient/or even supernatural within the framework of this reality. Just VERY unique.)#The Ur-Tree has always been above water and grows very very slowly over the course of millenia by kind of 'pulling up' plant life from#the ground (so you see ancient long extinct plants in its higher branches and contemporary plants close to/on the ground)#The mycelium helps shield and feed extinct plant life that could not otherwise survive in the contemporary environment#And the forest is big enough to produce its own weather (it is a rainforest and has been ever since the capacity for rainforests Existed)#It's not really a tree at all in any normal sense but an amalgam of thousands of types of plants-#Some growing on top of others and some interwoven beyond any distinction. It does form a superficially treelike structure#(mostly in order to physically support its own mass) with a very wide 'trunk' and massive 'roots' (which end in actual roots).#It feeds on its own perpetually shedding and decaying 'body' and any animal life that dies in the forest is VERY rapidly#decayed and absorbed by the mycelial network (to the point that many large scavengers cannot survive in this forest)#(If you kill a cow and leave it on the ground for just 1/2 hour you'll see little strands of mycelium already growing up around it)#The fungus fruits and spores on a very infrequent basis (scale of ten-thousands of years) which causes the forest to very slowly spread#Fortunately this isn't really an existential threat because the spread is VERY slow (even on a geological scale) and the fungus#itself is rather mundane in nature and cannot usually compete against established fungal networks in other places.#Though there are little Ur-Tree mycelium groves and woodlands in other parts of the world that may (over untold millennia)#generate their own Ur-Trees (there's already a few but they are all MUCH smaller and not readily recognized as the same thing)#WRT THE TRIP:#Most of what I'm describing is a DMT trip but consumption of high doses of Ur-Tree mycelium has both mundane psychoactive effects#and IS kind of the person experiencing the fungus' entire lifetime and seeing flashes of the world's actual evolutionary history.#The amount of material knowledge that can be accurately gleaned from this this is VERY limited though.
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and worst part is that if (when) that nuclear powerplant in Zaporizhzhia blows there is a high chance there will be next to 0 consequences for russia from the rest of the west
like if the russians blew off a nuke then there’s no doubt ww3 would happen but mining a nuclear power plant and then blowing it to high heaven? same radioactive fallout but for some reason it will be treated as a different thing
#war in ukraine#sorry#i hate to be a gloomer but this shit is a real existential threat for everyone over here#and.. uh... i think it should be talked about more#like we NEED media and official news outlets to talk about it#but fuck me sideways i just don't know what i can do about it#like if all western leaders united and drew a clear red line then maybe...#but i don't see that happening unless this shit becomes common knowledge#and western media is just--- why the fuck ain't we talking about this?!
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Inspired by this godly post which unlocked a part of my brain I didn't know existed, and solidly gave me complete and utterly brainrot until I wrote something
A thousand thanks to Lily for her wonderful help :))
"Does Kelly not mind you spending all your time with me?" Daniel asks, because she's Daniel and once she's thought something she can't keep her fucking mouth shut, even if she knows it's trouble.
Max looks up, pausing his set of weights, and blinks at her. Daniel feels her cheeks warm. One day, that mouth of yours will run you straight into trouble, young lady, her mum used to tell her, voice firm. Good girls know when to keep quiet. Daniel used to just laugh at the warning. Her laugh is loud and the opposite of quiet, but she used to know that everyone always loved her laugh.
"No," Max says after a beat and then continues lifting. Daniel hates the way her gaze tracks over him, lingering on the movement of his muscles, the ease with which he lifts the weight. Tawny hair brushed out of his eyes, cheeks dusted warm from the exertion. "Of course not."
"Why of course not?" Daniel asks. She wants to sew her mouth shut. This time, Max didn't look over as he answers.
"Kelly's very secure, she's not like other girls. And besides, she knows you."
It's strange. When Daniel was seven and Michelle eleven, they'd gone rock pool fishing. Michelle had been crouched over a shallow pool of water, her finger delicately brushing the tentacles of the anemone. Daniel had been scaling the rocks, wanting steeper, taller, more.
She'd found the shark first, nestled high at between the rocks, and for a beat she hadn't known what she was looking at. Just details, but nothing collective. Rotting smell. Shrivelled holes where eyes should be. Scales of silver lightning. Rubbery fish picked clean. The flash of bone, pearl white.
Then she realised what she was staring at, and screamed. Her father held her while her mother scolded her. I told you not to go climbing! It's too dangerous, Daniel. Why can't you just be good like your sister and stay by the shallow pools?
And then, later, ice cream. Her dad, beside her, explaining the horror away.
It's just nature, Dani. The waves wash them up, and they get stuck there. They can't get back to the sea, and then the sun dries them out.
They drown on air, Michelle helpfully pointed out, her feet kicking happily as she licked her 99. Daniel just just nodded, ice cream untouched. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw the sunken holes, the rotting flesh.
She hasn't thought about that moment for years, but suddenly it washes back over her. She feels simultaneously both. The child, staring at the carcass, frozen in shock. The shark, burning up in the sun, chocking on air.
"What does that mean?" She asks, and somehow her voice is normal, is fine. She's fine. She's not a girl or a shark. She's stupid and a fool and a gawky, ugly idiot, but she's fine.
Max manages to shrug, even with the 50kg weights. "You know. Just that Kelly knows you. She knows what you're like. And she knows me too, of course."
Daniel swallows. She nods. She hates everything about herself.
"That's sexist," she forces herself to say lightly because if the silence stretches anymore, Max might notice and set his weights down and look at her, and Daniel can't bear that. She doesn't want his eyes on her, taking in every blemish and imperfection. The boyish, ratty clothes she works out in and her curls gone frizzy with sweat and her inked skin, so different to Max and Kelly's pale, perfect complexions.
"What's sexist?"
"Saying she's not like other girls," Daniel tells him, setting down the weights she been doing. Instead, she goes to grab the skipping rope, just for something to do.
Max laughs. Daniel's glad she's turned away. Her cheeks are burning again.
"It's the truth. You, of course, Daniel, are not like other girls either." He says it lightly and ends with a chuckle, as if it's all just a joke. Daniel drags a sweaty hand over her cheeks. Burning, burning, burning.
Apparently, in Max's mind, she and Kelly are the same; both not like other girls. Kelly, with her faultless makeup and wonderful daughter and classy dresses and perfect feminity. One end of the scale. Daniel, the other. Barely even considered "a girl." Always one of the boys, only woman in f1 for a reason.
"Thanks," Daniel says. She wants to make it sound humorous, like she's in on the joke too. Instead, it's too cold; muttered as if she actually gave two shits about the conversation anyway. She has an F1 season to prepare for, she's too busy to care about stupid shit like this.
There's a beat of silence as Daniel stretches out the rope, feeling the plastic flex and give. Then, Max exhaling, the gentle bump of his weights against the floor, the workout bench shifting as his centre of gravity changes. Daniel keeps her back to him, ignoring it all.
"I did not mean it as insult," Max finally says, stubborn. Daniel forces a laugh, turning to give him a smile, all teeth.
"Of course not Maxy. I get that." Voice light and blithe. One of the boys.
She thinks he'll drop it, but instead, his frown only grows. Pinched brows, thin lips, cheeks growing blotchy. Blue eyes regard her, intense and unyielding. She burns from the inside out.
"I've upset you," he says, in that blunt, genuine way only he can do. Daniel barks out another laugh.
"Don't be stupid. You're not important enough to ever be able to get under my skin." She gives him another smile with only teeth. She feels insane. Her mother tells her good girls stay quiet.
"I'm sorry," he tries again, growing frustrated now, "I did not mean -"
"I told you, you didn't upset me," she drops the skipping rope without actually using it. "Anyway, I'm bored. Wanna get lunch now? Or are you still trying to pump those muscle with more testosterone?"
Max gives her one last, searching look before standing. They're almost the same height. She wants to shrink to nothing.
"That is not how testosterone works, Daniel," he says with the air of an overworked teacher. He looks at her with a smile, uncertain but genuine. She laughs, allowing him to move the conversation on.
She walks out of the gym first but holds the door for him. He grins, relieved. His fingers skim hers as he takes it and she lets go. A chill runs through her. Cold like scales, cold like ice cream untouched.
Follow up here!
#whole lot of internalised misogyny to unpack here#in my head Daniel is looking like Tash Sultana in the music video for “Jungle”#Max just meaning :))) Kelly knows you and she knows me :))) and she knows we are both two good people who would not cheat :)))#while Daniel just going into an existential crisis of#:((( Kelly knows Max and I :((( and I am zero threat to her because I must be utterly undesirable :((( and not Max's type at all :(((#maxiel#girl!Daniel#for the first time ever lol#my fic#ending involves the tension between them growing and growing#and Kelly watches them share a podium and sees the way Max wraps his arm around Daniel's shoulder and hugs her tightly#and the way Daniel laughs so happily and loudly everyone can hear her#and suddenly Kelly realises she had been wrong and Daniel was a threat#and basically gives Max an ultimate to choose one of them and stop all contact with the other#somehow Daniel finds out and just locks herself away from the world during summer break because it's not even a question who max will pick#and their story ends with Max knocking on her door with looking annoyed with a bunch of drooping flowers#and before Daniel can even say anything he's stepping into her apartment and getting a vase from her cupboard#while complaining about how he ordered the flowers that morning but the florist fucked up his order and of course the flourists in the#Netherlands are much better and soon he will take Daniel there and pick proper flowers like tulips for her#she stares at him in pure disbelief and then starts to laugh. and Max looks over and laughs too and they're still smiling when they kiss#:)))))#apologies but I'm a sucker for a soppy cliched ending lol
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i wish we didnt call it thoshei i get that it's about the best we can do for a smushed-up pairing name but - hear me out - a combined pairing name that uses neither character's actual name just... isn't? especially when the names they do use for themselves and each other are such a Thematic Thing? so it's like. the worst possible pairing name we could be using for this pairing?
#the master would only ever call the doctor 'theta' to express the deepest contempt they could ever feel for anyone. it'd be an insult.#but two people who know each other's given names and NEVER want them to be used by anyone else are unlikely to ever deploy those#it's like Mutually-Assured Destruction but with names u kno?#(young people you can google that. or no maybe don't - you'll get stuck in a wikipedia spiral of existential threats and never sleep again#doctor x master#(see?! missy said 'doctor who' was his real name! SO THERE!) (i can't believe i am using missy as a Reliable Source but here we are)#i would say contextually this is a worse pairing name than 'whouffaldi'. YEAH! THAT'S HOW STRONGLY I FEEL ABOUT THIS!!#WORSE THAN FUCKING WHOUFFALDI THE OTHERWISE WORST PAIRING NAME OF ALL TIME!!#(i'm never forgiving the Spirk people for shunning Kock but that's another matter and another fandom and etc)#(this post was inspired by Voyager Discourse btw. NOT the Voyager Lizard Sex Discourse it was one of the other kinds)#dw
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The fact that a Ukrainian twitter mutual of mine, who lives in a front (!!!) Donbass city, an area often targeted and that was partially and temporarily occupied by Russia back in 2014 (fully under Ukraine's control today though thank goodness), messages me every time she has wi-fi to make sure I'm ok is just. wild.
#not things i expected to see in this timeline#esp. since like. it has always been the other way around#and yeah with a bit of rockets and a bit of terror here every now and then#but not to the extent it's been now ofc#it's also touching but like#bro you are in an existential war with an enemy far more powerful than you#here our biggest existential threat is our evil dysfunctional government#and yes a genocidal terror oragnisation that wants us all dead but like they do not have the means to for now#they will kill as many of us as they can - which we have already seen - but they simply don't have the means to wipe us all out for now#like i'm touched but im also like bro please worry about yourself first <3
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I think what gets to me about TMA the most is when like - just when you think a new 'normal' has established, boom! change. and it keeps happening and happening and now I'm really attached to the characters and invested and things will just get worse and -
#it's getting to me#is the fear of change any of the entities because that's a fun existential concept#id say it's more like#extinction#but in a lesser scale?#i can see why the series treats it as a threat that isn't fully realised because like#life is change and people have to naturally adjust to it#or rot away#essentially i dont like change much and im at the penoptican episode and it's taking me way long to get through it#tma spoilers#im getting closer to listening to all of the podcast i think
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okay this is almost definitely unrelated but yk how in joel's last episode he n jimmy allied again
and now grumbot has said to purge the empires server
and now all the empires members. are gone from empires so they won't know if anything happens
#but a book is just a book#not an existential threat#DO YOU SEE MY VISION#DO YOU SEE IT#empires spoilers
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sorry but i am going to be very american and selfish and navel gaze-y for a moment but this is on my mind a lot as we approach february. just... ignore me.
i'm of ukrainian heritage. i'm also completely disconnected from my heritage because my great-great/great-grandparents fully assimilated as americans.
with the exception of my great-uncle (who lives far away and i rarely see), i have no living relatives who know much about our heritage (or are willing to talk about it in any detail beyond the romanticized ~*immigrant experience*~). everything i know about our family comes from my uncle because everyone else is dead; either died elderly and comfortable in the US or likely died in the holodomor. trying to research my family is useless bc my great-grandpa changed his last name to something completely made up so he could find work when he was in his early teens. this has always been a "fun" legend in our family; the choice to disconnect. it's a story our family has always told like it was some sort of wacky hijinks and as a kid was very funny but now, in my 30s and watching a cultural genocide unfold in ukraine, it feels devastating.
there are a small handful of things my family has held onto while also losing. there's the lost recipe for my great-grandma's holubsti (a word i didn't know how to spell until recently) that my family mourns every time we get together. i used to make pysanky for easter with my parents, which was passed down from my great-great aunt. my dad inherited her pysanky dyes after she passed away and we had them for years before most of the jars broke in a move. we have one remaining unbroken pysanka from her that i think she made in the 70s. i cannot imagine having hands so steady to make those intricate designs. mine always came out looking like shit.
i've always been curious about this part of my heritage but never felt any great need to seek it out until now. it feels fake and disingenuous to be interested in learning about this part of my heritage as a result of a war. that i didn't seek it out sooner. what is wrong with me that i care now.
i'm not sure where i'm going with this. i'm not sure what or how i'm supposed to feel. what i do feel is lost and angry and sad and selfish for feeling this way.
#wasn't sure whether to just save this to my drafts bc this feels so selfish but the more i see the destruction in ukraine the more i feel...#i don't know. fury? sadness? a mix of extremely complicated emotions i can't put a name to?#i know i have no right to be so upset as someone who lives comfortably in america and isn't impacted by russia's war#but regardless of how it impacts me personally this is an existential threat to a culture and a people#it's also interesting bc ukraine as a nation didn't exist when my relatives immigrated to the US but we know enough about them#to know that they are from the region and culture that is modern day ukraine#it's sad that generations ago my family chose to assimilate and i'm not going to pretend it was a choice made in a vacuum#bc it was the result of pressure on immigrants to assimilate and become 'american'. but there was still *some* choice to it.#parts of that heritage were preserved and yes were lost over decades but it wasn't a complete destruction#no clue where i'm continuing to go with this but i'm going to start making pysanky for easter again. maybe learn to make holubtsi.#i can't replicate a recipe i've never tasted but i guess it's a start#just.... fucking ignore my bullshit.
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I am,,, feeling so incredibly normal today, about my imaginary D&D dude and their train-wreck of a life
Sorry mutuals & followers I’m gonna be Worse than normal today I swear I’ll shut the fuck up soon
Need a separate blog for D&D shit honestly
#I’m undone okay#genuinely unwell#How am I meant to WORK when I have THOUGHTS#I do not want to conduct interviews I want to WRITE UNHINGED ANGST ABOUT HOW JET FINALLY GOT WHAT THEY WANTED ONLY TO GET IT TORN AWAY#ONE ISN’T GONE HE’S *IN JET’S HEAD* AND HE CAN’T TELL SEVEN BUT HE HAS TO#HE HAS TO TELL HIM OR IT’LL ONLY GET WORSE#BUT TELLING HIM WILL EITHER MAKE THEM A LIAR OR AN EXISTENTIAL THREAT#THEY’VE COME SO FAR THEY’VE FINALLY BEEN HONEST ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS AND AGAINST ALL ODDS GOT A POSITIVE RESPONSE#AND HE WON’T GET THE CHANCE TO BE HAPPY ABOUT IT#HE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO BE HAPPY ABOUT IT FOR A FULL FIFTEEN MINUTES BEFORE MOV BROUGHT HIM ALL THE BAD NEWS#He can’t catch a break he can’t win he had the healthiest (still wildly toxic) conversation he’s ever had with Seven and it was for NOTHING#I mean he deserves it given the new proof that Callie didn’t throw them away but they abandoned her and broke HER heart instead#and given everything about how he’s treated Anna and Tenebrem both#like do NOT get me wrong Jet is a total POS but FUCK man#the ONE time they’re trying to genuinely actually do things right and not repeat all the same mistakes and wrongs of their past#is of course the ONE time it can’t work out#fuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkk meeeeeeeeee ohhhhh my God#Wes is a cruel DM but damn if he doesn’t know how to make a compelling narrative around our collective fuck-ups#but also God what happened to ‘yeah I see Jet returning to the junkyard being the beginning of the we’re so back chapter of Jet’s story’??#what happened to that??? what about everything since Jet’s return from their hiatus and Morrigan’s cameo says we’re so back???????#God ok I need to shut up and work but FUCK#Jet tag
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Scrolled too far on IMDB and now can't stop re-reading this review of The Future Job (Leverage, 2010), baffled. Insert image of Eric Andre staring through small opera glasses here, etc.
#this person only had one other review - also weird#leverage#the future job#for real I'm fascinated by someone who sees this episode of TV and thinks#1) the victims are MOST to blame#2) the real threat here is existential#caused by the attempt to cross the boundary between life and death#3) a doctor providing fake abortions is an example of something not particularly harmful#or at least less harmful than attempting to draw aside the veil#I'm not even gonna touch the acting 'critique' or the idea that the 'fraudster' would be able to talk himself out of consequences???#or indeed the deployment of the word 'pusillanimous' (i do not know what they think it means but i very much doubt they're right)#7/10#incredible
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It’s days like this that I reconsider ******* ****** ** ** because a song told me to
#could use more days like this lol#shit sucks but it doesn’t have to I guess#at least temporarily#short term pleasure beats out existential threats some days#I even forgot to be sad today!#I did decide to ***** ******** though#so maybe that’s technically like. **** ****#lol using a move I learned on here it actually helps a lot to write it out in a way that probably won’t worry people#and I’m deciding to only do it socially for right now so hopefully it isn’t as much of an obvious red flag#we’ll see!! today was good :)#(yesterday was not!!)
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The bigger her victory (knock on wood) the less likely we are to have to spin our wheels every two or four years trying to stave off a fascist takeover. The clearer his defeat, the likelier his GOP accomplices are to melt away, and (thus) the likelier he is to rot in a prison cell without much fanfare. Failure to reform at that point would make the GOP a rump party, much less menacing than it is today. More Republicans will become Democrats, and I suspect we’ll see less drift to the GOP, as Trump gives way to weirder right-wing sexual moralists. A reformed GOP would probably be harder to beat, but less of an existential threat to freedom and democracy. That would be good! The country will be in big trouble if Trump wins, but it won’t be safe if Trump loses by a paper-thin margin. Earlier this week, while gaming on Twitch with Tim Walz, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez explained why progressives should dread another inside-straight Trump presidency. “I do not wanna do four more years of resistance nonsense under Donald Trump, okay? Like, good God. Do we remember what it was like waking up every day and there was some shit going on?”
Run Up The Score - by Brian Beutler - Off Message
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