#security looked done with this and apologised to us for this guy being so rude

[yenpondering]

Entitled customers are funny, imagine kicking up such a fuss with our managers that 2 mall security guards had to be called to come mediate all because you and your wife not only can't read but also can't see that our menu literally serves soft poached egg, not a boiled egg, in our Japanese rice bowls

Anyway read the menu properly y'all and ask questions if you're unsure, don't be a dick to hospitality workers especially over dumb shit

[yourimagines]

Angst angst angst with sean

Happy ending tho😊

Thank you

The internet

* English is not my first language I apologise

* Gif is not mine

* Triggers: Swearing, Angst, Blood, Fluff

Y/N POV

The internet was full of it, Sean made a comment about something political. People were divided on the internet. A few were agreeing with him but others were far from that, they were angry at him, absolutely spitting him out. The other downside from all of this is that people were also hating on me, sending me death treats, calling me names and more. I was alone at our house as Sean was in a different state, promoting his upcoming fight. I was a bit scared, scared of people really coming to our house, doing things I don’t even want to think about.

As I was scrolling through the internet, reading the rude comments about us a loud bang was heard in our garage. I quickly opened our ring door bell and looked at our security camera’s. ‘Nothing.’ I got up and walked to our garage. “Hello?” I opened the door and the automatic lights went on. ‘No one is here.’ I quickly checked if the door were locked. ‘Good lord they are.’ I went back to the living room as I heard the Ring door app. I opened it up and saw a group dressed up in dark clothes. Walking around our house. ‘Fuck no.’ I quickly checked the back door and went upstairs. I immediately calling Sean.

“Hey babe.” He sounded tired, was probably sleeping

“I’m scared.” I whispered as I opened the app on my tablet, watching them violating my car.

“Why, what happened?” He sounded more alert.

“There are a group of guys outside our house, destroying my car.”

“No way.” I heard him moving around.

“Sean…”

“Fuck!”

“Stay inside, I call the cops for you. Don’t let them see you baby.”

“Okay.” I sighed and slowly packed my suitcase. ‘Hell Nah I stay here alone.’

“Baby, are you okay?”

“Yeah…just Uhh a bit scared.”

“I know, the cops are on their way.”

“Okay, thank you, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay, be safe darling.”

I hung up our call. ‘I’m done with this shit, it’s always the same.’ I saw the cops and the guys tried to run away but failed miserably.

—— the next week ——

I left our place and stayed at my friends house, Sean doesn’t know it and finds it out today as he comes back. “You sure you’re done with him?” I nodded. “I can’t do this anymore Y/F/N. I’m pregnant and this is all to much.” “I know but you guys love each other and besides he doesn’t even knows that you’re carrying his child.” I looked down at my hands. “It’s for the best, he will never change…” 

I got 4 missed calls and 16 text messages from him. Asking where I am, if I’m okay…. I ignored him, not ready for that conversation with him. “Maybe you should call him, tell him you want a break from him…you know how he is.” ‘She right, he’s crazy.’ I sighed and nodded at her. “You’re right, I’m going to call him.” I stood up and walked away from her, wanting a bit of privacy. I hit the call button and called him, as I felt my heart beating in my throat.

“Are you okay?” He sounded stressed out.

“Hey, I’m fine.”

“Where are you? Why aren’t you at home?” He was rattling, a sign of being angry

“I’m at a friends house…”

“Why?! I’m here so why don’t you come back home.”

“I’m not coming back Sean.” There was a small pause between us.

“Why? Did something happened here?”

“Yes, you.. with you big mouth every time.”

“Me? I didn’t do anything wrong to you.”

“You did tho, people are hating on me, treating me, destroying my car, stopping by were I live. It’s because of you Sean!” I was angry at him, making me feel unsafe, hated on the internet while I don’t even agree with his opinion.

“I’ll buy you a new car, baby come back home and we talk about it…okay?”

“No it’s not about the car Sean.”

“Then what is it!”

“It’s you, I’m not feeling safe anymore with you. I’m scared Sean don’t you understand.” Tears fell down my cheeks. ‘Why is he like this…’

“You scared of me…?” His voice sounded a bit lower, more sad than anything else.

“Yes…” my heart broke but I tried not to cry out, not while he’s on the phone.

“Baby…” his voice cracked.

“No Sean, I really need some time alone…I’m sorry.”

“I’m here waiting for you, don’t be scared I’ll never hurt you before and…I missed you.” He was crying softly.

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later.”

I hung up and I broke down, a loud sob came out of me and my friend wrapped her arms around me. “It’s okay, I’m here, you’re safe.” I cried into her shoulder till there were no tears left.

—— 2 months ——

I brought a apartment for myself because I didn’t want to be a burden for Y/F/N. Me and Sean well.. he doesn’t understand the word break so he’s been texting me for two months now, telling me he has a new security system and he bought me a new car, normally I would go back home and forget about this because I still love him but now I’m hurt by him. He never ever said I’m sorry or I apologise that you didn’t feel safe with me. He’s not listening to me, he’s only thinking about him self but I’m not selfish so I texted him to meet me at a small diner, to tell him I’m pregnant.

I walked inside and saw him already waiting for me. ‘Ugh he’s always on time.’ He saw me and smiled. I walked up and hung my jacket over my chair. His eyes fell immediately to my small belly bump. I sat down and grabbed the menu. “Hey.” I looked up. “Hey.” I looked back at the menu. “Did you already chose what you want?” “Yes the chicken sandwich.” ‘Of course.’ I lay down the menu. “And you? The beef sandwich?” “No the egg salad sandwich.” He looked surprised. “Okay sound good tho.” He stood up and ordered our food. ‘Just tell him, he never physically hurt you, it’s just he never shuts his mouth.’ He came back with to hot chocolate with whipped cream. “I hope you wanted this?” I nodded as he sat it down. “They bring our sandwiches to the table.” I nodded and grabbed the spoon to get some whipped cream. “How you’re doing?” I looked up at him. “I’m good, quiet but good.” He nods. “And you?” “Same.” A waiter stopped at our table. “The chicken sandwich.” “For me.” He said “And the egg salad sandwich, Enjoy.” “Thank you.”

The air was thick and I was nervous, nervous to tell him. ‘Just say it already.’ I nervously lay down my fork and knife. “I’m pregnant.” Sean stopped eating and looked at me shocked. “You what?” “Pregnant Sean, it’s yours as well.” He lay down his silverware and smiled. “You’re serious?” I nodded. “Yes I’m being serious.” He smiles proudly. “That’s… wow.” He was happy but he didn’t dare to make contact with me. “Are you happy?” “When I found out yes.” “You don’t want it anymore?” His smile disappeared and looked very serious at me. “What? Sean no I still want the baby. I… I just struggle mentally at the moment , I’m sorry.” I looked down at my half eaten sandwich. “That’s okay,” he carefully touched my hand. I looked up and he gave me a reassuring smile. “I always have your back even if you don’t want me anymore…. I love you.”

I sighed and moved my hand away from him. “I still don’t understand you don’t love me anymore..” “Because you don’t listen.” He leans back into his chair. “Then tell me.” “I told you already more than hundred times.” “Then tell me again.” He slightly raised his voice at me. “This is what I mean, you don’t have a filter. You just do everything what you think. Picking fights on the internet, talking crap about politics, racist comments. Sean you’re not alone When you say those things. I’m here with you. They look at me as well, thinking I agree with everything you say. They hate me, treating me, destroying my belongings.” He was quiet as I ranted everything out. “I lost my job Sean, they fired me because I’m your fucking wife.” I leaned back as well, wiping away some tears. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry that I did this to you..” he rubbed his hands over his head. ‘There it was, a sorry.’ “I didn’t know, I… I know I have no filter but I… I’m sorry.” He was getting emotional but also a bit embarrassed. “I can’t lose you…fuck y/n you’re my wife. I love you.” I smiled softly at him as tears fell again. “I love you too Sean.” He meets my eyes and smiles. “You still love me.” I nodded as I placed a hand on my small bump. “Yeah I do.” He stands up and moves over to me, sitting next to me on the sofa. “Come here.” He spread his arms out as I gladly joined his embrace. “I’m sorry darling, I’m a dumb fuck.” I nodded and held him close. “I’ve missed you Sean.” “I missed you too darling.”

I was laying in bed scrolling through instagram till I saw a video from us at the lunchroom. Arguing and hugging each other. “Well the world knows we had a fight.” Sean walks in with a towel wrapped around his waist. “How?” I turned my phone and showed him the video. “God dammit, why do they see my face, you’re lucky that they only see your back.” I giggled and shrugged my shoulders. “You choose that spot.” He shook his head in disappointment. “I take this one for team I guess.” “Yes for once please.” He laughs and throws me a kiss. “Always for you.” He puts on some joggers and joins me in bed. “I freaking missed this.” He pulls me immediately into his chest. My back facing him. “I missed this to.” He kissed my neck as his hands rested on my small baby bump. “I’m going to be a dad…” “yes you are.” “I’m scared to be a dad. I don’t think they going to like me..” “what? Nonsense Sean, they going to love you.” “I doubt that.” I shook my head and placed my hands over his. “You’re going to be a awesome dad.” “How? I’m not even a good husband so how I’m going to be a good dad.” I rolled over to my other side, facing him as I caressed his chest. “Sean, you are a good husband. Yes we had this big fight but I still love you. You’re not your dad and you never will be. We are going to be fine.” He smiles and kisses my nose. “I’m so lucky to have you in my life.” “Yes you are.” I joked at him, he rolls his eyes at me. “God, I’ve missed this too, Your sassiness. I lay my head down on his chest. “Just promise me one thing Sean.” He hums softly. “Just say sorry. I really needed to hear it from you, so I could forgive you for your mistakes.” I kissed his collarbone softly. “Okay, I promise to say sorry. But only for you tho, I don’t give a fuck about others.” “That’s fine.” We both kissed and cuddled each other till we both fell asleep, safe and sound together in each other’s arms.

[finelinevogue]

omg could you do a fluffy little thing based on your nyc insta request where mc meets fans and they ft harry and it’s just like the world’s glimpse into their relationship 💓

yes let’s do this!! this is short and sweet, but i hope you love it all the same!! ;

You were walking out of Starbucks when a group of girls approached you.

The day was not the nicest in New York, but you had errands to run within the city so you thought you’d get them done when it’s not a brilliant say and save the nicer days to do something fun with Harry. You’d been to the Apple store to fix your phone because it keeps on playing up. You’d been to Gucci to pick up a delivery for Harry. You’d been to the local florist to pick up some flowers for your best friend, since she was feeling under the weather. Finally, you’d just picked yourself up a coffee before you had to head back home.

Unfortunately Harry was at a fitting appointment for his tour outfits, so he couldn’t run errands with you, but he sent your good friend, and bodyguard, Aaron with you to keep you company, but more importantly keep you safe. New York could be absolutely crazy when it came to fans, but even more so when it came to creeps who had no respect for women or boundaries, so having a bodyguard helped keep things calm.

“Hi excuse me, you’re Y/N L/N right?” One of the young girls ask and you instantly knew this was a group of Harry’s fans. The giveaways? One of them had a Fine Line tote bag. One was wearing Harry’s merch. One was wearing a green frog bucket hat that Harry had worn only once.

“I am yes, hi.” You smiled politely at them, holding the warm cup of espresso between your hands. Aaron was stood near you, but not making it look like he was here for security.

“Hi, we noticed you in there a minute ago and just wanted to say hi and that we’re really big fans of you, and obviously Harry, and that we really love you guys.” The one with the tote bag spoke, who was also the one that had introduced them. You guessed that they were the most confident out of all them, because it did take balls to speak to a stranger in the way they did.

“Yeah, you’re both so sweet together and you clearly make each other happy. It’s so lovely to see actually.” The one with the frog bucket hat spoke up next. The one with the Harry merch kept a lot more quiet and you could tell by their body mannerisms that they were very nervous and shy - a lot like you actually. You had been an awful lot like them before you met and then he helped you come out of your shell and experience the world in a much brighter and safer light.

You’d be forever grateful for your boyfriend. Your best friend, Harry.

“Aww that’s so sweet of you all, thank you!” You cupped your hand over your heart in awe of their kindness. Harry’s fans always never failed to surprise you with their passion for love and spreading positivity. You admired people like this in general and it was only made more special when they were inspired by your Harry. “What are your names?”

“Oh i’m Alanna.” The one with the tote bag introduced themselves first, holding out their hand for you to shake which you shook kindly.

“Bethany, or just Beth I don’t really mind!” The one with the frog hat introduced themselves next, receiving a handshake too.

“Love your hat, Beth.” You pointed to it and they smiled excitedly.

“Harry was the inspiration!” Although you already knew that you let Beth have a moment to themselves and be happy over the little anecdote.

“And what’s your name, lovely? I’m Y/N.” You reintroduced yourself to the last girl, wanting them to feel as comfortable as possible with, not only you but, meeting new people.

“Marissa.” They smiled and shook your hand willingly.

“Oh I love that name! My aunt is called Marissa, but she goes by Mar though.” You told them the most useless bit of information just to make them feel that bit more at ease.

“People call me Mar too.” They smiled brightly and you felt like you might have cracked through even just a portion of their shell.

“Well, can I call you Mar then?”

“Yeah!”

“Cool! So you guys from New York or..” You asked, looking at all the shopping bags they carried. They’d been to all the shops you once could only just about afford, now you were lucky enough to be able to shop in the places you only ever window shopped in.

“We’re from New Jersey but just came shopping for the day.” Alanna explained. “Never expected to run into you though so that’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah, definitely made my day!” Beth added, smiling brightly.

“Well I can only apologise that i’m not Harry or he’s not with me. He’s currently at tour fittings.” You explained and they told you not to worry about being sorry. You had a brilliant idea though.

“No, seeing you is so amazing Y/N!”

“Yeah, you’re Mar’s fashion inspiration!” Mar blushed, as their friends exposed them for being such a huge fan of yours. It helped explain why they were so nervous in front of you too.

“I’m honoured.” You laughed and pulled you phone out of your pocket, hoping to run with your great idea. You prayed it worked. “Just one second.” You held up your finger to them and they just nodded eagerly, sort of hoping that you were doing what they thought you might be doing.

You opened your phone and clicked on your most recent contact. The familiar beeping of a face-time ring rang through the air surrounding you.

“Hello my favourite human being. What’s up? You okay?” Harry’s golden face came up on the screen, your face high up in the corner. He looked so pretty. He was in his brown Gucci coat and had his hair all ruffled from where he’d washed it this morning but not dried it. His hair went crazy when he didn’t intentionally tame it - a bit like yours. You admired his worry for you, smiling as he kissed his camera as if to virtually kiss you.

“Hello my favourite boyfriend.” You teased him. You often greeted him like this and it always made him smile, just at how playful you were being. “I’m doing good, miss you though.”

“Miss you always babe.”

“You free?” You asked, looking briefly to the girls who were all grinning wildly. They were so excited and it made you chuckle, which caught Harry’s attention.

“I am yeah, why? What’re you laughing at? Better not be some hot celebrity you’ve accidentally bumped into.” He rolled his eyes, letting the jealousy get the better of him. You smiled and returned your attention back to your beautiful boyfriend.

“No, there’s no hot celebrity in my presence except from you baby.” That made him beam with happiness and blush with love.

“To what do I owe your beautiful face calling me then?” Harry asked, taking note of your background to recognise that you were still in the city.

You turned the camera towards your new friends, you in the bottom of the picture and them in the top above you. They were huddling together and waving towards the screen. Mar had tears in their eyes and Beth had their hand over their mouth in shock that this was actually happening.

“Met some lovely people who deserved a special hello from you.” You explained to him simply.

“Hello!” Harry stressed the ‘o’ making it sound more like hell-oo. He was so socially awkward greeting people over face-time, but he made it seem so easy nevertheless. He never wanted his fans to feel awkward or unsafe so he had to be as socially brave as he could.

“We have Alanna, Beth and Mar. They’re so kind and Mar says i’m their fashion inspiration.” You winked at Harry, understanding where Mar was coming from because Harry takes fashion inspiration from you regularly too.

“Which one’s Mar?” He asked you and you pointed the best you could to the girl wearing his merch.

“Um pretty sure Mar’s wearing my merch babe! Are y’sure they said you were their inspiration?” He laughed, which made Mar laugh and you were really happy to see that.

“No I did say that.” Mar backed you up, which earned a fist bump between the two of you and you sticking your tongue out to Harry.

“Yes bestie!” You laughed, knowing that was the language Harry’s fans used with one another. Not that you were on stan twitter or anything…

“Sorry if Y/Ns causing any trouble for you lot, believe me she’s quite the bloody handful!” Harry joked, making you scoff and then laugh at how rude he was being. You knew it was all a joke and a front, but he was so cheeky to be so playful in front of people he’d just met.

“Oi y’wanker. Sorry about him.” You apologised on behalf of Harry for no reason whatsoever.

“Harry?” Alanna spoke his name and he dedicated his attention from you to them.

“Hello? Alanna was it?”

“Hi, yes, Um, I just want to say that i’m really proud of you and all your achievements. I think you’re an absolute treasure and we all love you so much.”

Before Harry could get a word in they each continued to add onto Alanna’s praise. Harry started blushing, never being very good at taking praise. On the other hand, giving praise, he was remarkably good at - you could vouch for that.

“Yeah Harry your music is second to none and it’s really been such a blessing to be a fan of yours. You’re ridiculously talented.”

Mar was last to speak and although they didn’t say much, their words held gravity and were clearly very important to them. Maybe that’s why Harry appreciated Mar’s words the most.

“Thank you, Harry.” Was all was said, but it was enough for Harry to clear his throat so he didn’t start crying in front of these people. He didn’t need stories getting out of how he got all weepy because of some sentimental things his fans said, God the papers would twist that story a thousand different ways - and none of them good.

Harry kept the conversation with them for a little while longer until Harry announced he had to go back to his fittings. After they’d each said their goodbyes to both you and Harry, and even Aaron, they quickly asked whether they could post any of the photos they took from today - to which you and Harry were both completely fine with. The three of them then walked off and waved back to you, you waving too. You smiled so brightly, feeling so full of joy from meeting such wonderful young women. Not all Harry fans were that nice, so you were glad that those were the ones you had the pleasure of meeting. You turned your attention back to your loving boyfriend who was already looking at you - with so much love in his eyes you thought they’d turned heart shaped for a moment.

“What?” You asked, smirking at his cheeky face which gave you a belly full of butterflies.

“You’re just so amazing, d’you know that?”

“Oh stop being so soft i’m going to bloody cry otherwise.” You turned your head away for a moment to catch the tears before they could form, only to look back at him and he had his eyebrows raised as if he already knew that you were on your way to crying. “Shut up, you.”

“I’m sorry, y’too cute not to torment. Alright call me when you get back home safely babe, alright?” He asked and you rolled your eyes at him, he laughed at your childishness but knew that he only meant well for you.

“Okay. I love you, baby.” You kissed your front camera as a signal of goodbye that you did every time.

“Love you so much. Bye, bye, byeee.” He kissed his camera every time he said bye and you laughed at him before ending the call. God you loved him so much. Now all you wanted to do was get home and have a warm bath with your loving boyfriend and, little did you know, soon-to-be fiancé.

[ttuesday]

Hellooooo, I absolutely adore your blog. I literally check your blog everyday for new stuff, your writing soothes my restless soul.

If you'd want to and have the time, could we get some jealous (and maybe a lil bit possessive) boys (preferrably like dutch, arthur or hosea) when reader has to turn up her charms for a job? xx If it's not your cup of tea I understand <3

Keep being you and have a great day!

ANON I LOVE THAT IDEA

The Mayor of Saint Denis was throwing a party and Angelo Bronte had invited Dutch to go. It was Hosea’s idea for you to come too, knowing that your charm and friendly demeanour would help you get useful information from the other guests. And so you, your sweetheart and some of the other fellers bought some fancy clothes and headed off to the party.

Arthur

Arthur knows the only reason you’re here and being polite is for the sake of the gang. You don’t actually want to be hanging around with all these high society folk, or at least he hopes you don’t.

Whenever Arthur sees you laugh at a joke or smile at another man, he can feel a small knot of jealous grow in his gut. He rolls his eyes and mumbles a few snarky comments. He doesn’t mean to but he can’t help himself.

 As ye leave the party, Arthur asks “Y’sure you don’t wanna stay, looks like you’re really enjoying yourself”. That night when you’re both back at camp and inside your tent, Arthur makes sure to please you.

 When you think back to this night, Arthur wants you to think of the two of ye in your tent, not the party. Afterwards while you’re both cuddling, he opens up about how he was feeling at the party and apologises for being rude.

Charles

Charles is a very relaxed guy. He understands that this is all part of the job. It's not like you wanted to charm all these people, it's something you were doing for the plan.

That doesn't mean he has to like it though. A part of him feels silly for getting jealous but seeing you smile and make each of the guests feel special gets under his skin. 

He stays close to you throughout the night in case you need some back-up. Charles wants to make sure he can be there for you within a second. Half of the time he's there, Charles is hoping neither of ye have to go to another one of these parties ever again.

When ye get back to camp, Charles gives you a big hug. Honestly, he was waiting to punch each and every person you talked to but he's glad he stayed calm and didn't act impulsively.

Dutch

Dutch is convinced he's stuck in a nightmare. What was he thinking making you go off and charm all these irrelevant people?! Looking back on it, he thinks it was a stupid plan but he won't admit that.

A mixture of annoyance and jealous builds in his stomach. He keeps a watchful eye on you as he goes around the party, making sure to know where you are at all times.

Eventually Dutch can't take it anymore and he wraps his arm around your waist. He stays with you for the rest of the party, making sure to give you kisses throughout the night so everyone knows you're with him.

When you enter his tent after the long night, Dutch's hands are immediately on your body. Dutch needs to touch every inch of you so be prepared for a longgg night.

John

John really didn't think he was the jealous type. He knew what your job was at the party but there was a massive difference in hearing that you're going to be charming people versus actually seeing you charm people.

John subtly follows you around the party and whenever an other guest flirts with you, John butts in and tells the guest they have something stuck in their teeth. As they quickly go to find a mirror, John mutters an insult about them before distancing himself for you again.

It's very obvious that John is jealous and on the ride back to camp, Arthur and Dutch make sure to tease him about it. He just huffs and rolls his eyes in response.

As ye settle down for the night, John says he's sorry for how he acted and that he knows he was being stupid. He needs a lot of cuddles and reassurance.

Micah

What kinda bullshit is this? There you are, all dressed up and looking like you should be one of those fancy cigarette cards but you have to talk to other people?

Micah's in a rage. He can't stand seeing you smile and laugh with these snobby jerks. Micah spends the majority of his time sulking around the party and pouting.

They're lucky security took everyone's weapons at the front door, otherwise Micah wouldn't shot every single person who spoke to you... yeah, he's quite possessive.

As the fireworks begin, Micah comes up next to you and tells you that Dutch need ye to go into the mansion to look for something. He leads you through the house until he stops in a quiet corridor. Yeah, Dutch didn't actually ask Micah to go look for anything, Micah just wants to fuck.

Hosea

Hosea’s done plenty of cons in the past. He knows how it goes and he knows that charming is the most efficient way to get information. Hosea's aware that this is a part of the job.

He trusts you too but Hosea's issue is with everyone else at the party. He doesn't trust them in the slightest. At first, Hosea tries to distract himself by talking to other guests and trying to get information on any upcoming stagecoaches or trains but he can't stop thinking about you.

Finally, Hosea thinks that Dutch's plan isn't worth it and decides to join you instead. He links arms with you and joins you in charming people. It's a lot easier that way cause you can both work together.

Deep down Hosea knows he joined you because he was feeling insecure and jealous but luckily it worked out well and he didn't even have to threaten anyone!

Javier

Javier doesn’t get jealous easily. At first he actually thought it was amusing that you had to charm the high class people of Saint Denis. He hoped that after you spent a few minutes charming people, that ye could spend the rest of the night together.

Unfortunately it wasn’t that simple and it was like more and more people wanted to talk to you. That was when Javier stopped seeing the amusing side of it and began to get more and more annoyed as the night dragged on.

Finally Javier snaps at someone after they interrupt him when he tried to talk to you. And now when people try to flirt with you, Javier pulls you in for a deep kiss so they get the hint and fuck off.

Javier tells Dutch that ye won’t be going back to camp and instead he pays for a hotel room for the night *wink wink*. Right now, Javier needs you and he wants to remind you of how great he can make you feel.

Bill

Bill is jealous within the first five minutes. You go up to the first guest and introduce yourself and Bill is already grumpy. He wandered over to Dutch a few times, asking if you need to be charming everyone and if he could alter the plan a little.

The last thing Bill wants to do is put the plan in jeopardy so instead of completely disrupting you, he hovers around where you are and tries to subtly listen to your conversation... or well, as subtly as Bill can be.

Slowly he edges his way into the conversation. The guests you're trying to charm, look over that the man who's awkwardly joined the conversation and who has a big cheesy smile on his face.

 Yeah your charm doesn't work great with Bill there too but it's sweet that he wants to stay close.

Sean

Sean acts cool. Yeah you go do your thing, Sean will gladly cheer you on. He was excited to wear a fancy suit and go to some high class party. Sean was convinced it'd be fun...

But then he actually sees you talking to a lot of other people and Sean starts to feel left out.

He tries to distract him by throwing the finger food into the fountain, stealing people's top hats, stacking the wine glasses on top of each other but Sean still looks over at you every few minutes.

When he was passing by you, Sean was convinced he heard someone flirting with you. Sean instantly jumps into action, trying to be intimidating and blurting out a couple of threats. Afterwards you lead Sean away and explain that the man was talking to his wife, not you.

[theunquenchablethirst]

Home Pt5: High Quality and Expensive (Jeremiah X Reader)

FUUUUCK, I can’t believe I managed to get this done today! People have been screaming for me to update Home, but the lord did not bless me with strength. Until 3:30 am tonight anyway. So, fucking take it, read it, enjoy it and please let me know what you think of my writing and dysfunctional sleeping pattern.

Tag list of lovelies: @gabile18 @valeskaduh @persephoneblck @fangirl--writes

Masterlist

I stayed and inspected my new room for a little while. It was very nice, but quite plain. But Mr Wilde had said he’d left it for me to decorate, and I couldn’t wait.  The en suite had a shower, a sink and a toilet in it. It even had a bath. Mr Wilde had been kind enough to provide me with some lovely soaps and shampoos. They were a matching set of rose scented bath products that looked high quality and certainly expensive. It seemed everything around me now was high quality and expensive. It was going to take some getting used to.

I decided I’d seen enough for now and left the room. I pinpointed where I was on the maps and walked back towards the nice lounge room Mr Wilde had sat me in before. There had been a lot of books in there and I was curious about them. On my way, I noticed there were even more security cameras on nearly every wall. I thought it was weird how obsessed with security this guy was and unnerving that all these cameras were watching me.

I put it out of my mind and continued walking, concentrating on not getting lost. When I got to the lounge room, Ecco was in there cleaning away the tea tray. I knocked nervously on the door to announce myself.

“Hello?”  

“Hello. Are you looking for Mr Wilde?” She asked. She seemed friendly enough, but I was still put off her from earlier.

“No. Actually I thought I might read something.” I answered.

“Be careful. Some of these books are very old.” She said picking, up the tea tray. “My name is Ecco, Mr Wildes assistant.”

“Yeah, he mentioned it earlier.”

“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to come find me.” Ecco headed out into the maze leaving me alone in the lounge room. She seemed friendly enough, but there was something off putting about her.

I decided not to think about it right now and dropped my maps down on the coffee table. I wandered around looking at the tall, wide, wooden bookshelves. There were two either side of the fireplace on the right wall and three standing against the left wall, with a small table with a drawer in between the first two. It was the same dark wood as the shelves and the drawer had a keyhole in it. I gave it slight tug and found it was locked. I wondered what was in it?

The furthest wall also had two bookshelves. These were either side a writing desk and chair of the same style, with equally locked drawers. The only wall in this room that didn’t have a bookshelf on it was the one behind the sofa. It was practically a library.

“The guy reads then.”  

I settled one of the bookshelves on the right side of the fireplace, closest to the sofa and scanned the shelves.  

Bunker Archaeology: Texts and Photos, Individual and Environment, Something Wicked This Way Comes, Behavioural Genetics, The Existential Pleasures of Engineering, Twelfth Night, Applied Cryptography, Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism, The Life of P.T Barnum, Heredity, Environment and Personality: A Study of 850 Sets of Twins

Excuse me?

“Ahem.”

My browsing was interrupted by someone behind me. I spun around and saw Ecco standing in the doorway.

“Mr Wilde would like to see you.”  

“Oh... sure.”

I followed Ecco through the winding maze. The security cameras still creeped me out. I wondered if I’d ever get used to them? Then Ecco stopped. I almost barged into her, not being able to look away from them.

“Here.” She gestured.

I crept into the room silently. It was dimly lit inside; the only real light was coming from a few lamps and the many buzzing monitor screens showing the halls of the maze. I guessed they were hooked up to all the cameras. The room looked to be some kind of study. Almost every surface was cluttered in papers, blueprints and notebooks and design ideas, plan drafts and sticky notes covered the walls.

I don’t think Jeremiah noticed me come in. He was standing, hunched, over a desk, concentrating hard on something. He was muttering, to himself, under his breath and scribbling furiously away with a pencil. At the speed he was going, I was unsure anything he was writing would even be intelligible.

I thought maybe, I should leave and come back later. Maybe he’d changed his mind about wanting to see me? He hadn’t acknowledged me yet and he seemed busy, so I turned to leave.

“Wait.”  

I heard his cold voice behind me and heard the clink of the pencil being dropped onto the desk. I turned back around to face him. He was standing straight up now and looking at me with a blank expression, which made me a little uneasy.

“Close the door please.” He said, walking out from behind the desk.  

My stomach dropped at the thought of it. Being alone with him in this dark, cramped room unsettled me enough with the door open. Regardless, I did as I was asked. I suppose fear made me obedient. Jeremiah had picked up a crystal decanter and was pouring himself a glass of, what looked like, whiskey. Probably another high quality and expensive purchase.

He stood there, looking at me, tapping his fingers along the tumbler in his hand. Just looking at me.

“Ecco said you wanted to see me.”  

“Yes. I called you in here because I wanted to apologise for my behaviour earlier.”

I was a little shocked. I hadn’t imagined he’d be the type to give anyone a genuine apology for anything. Let alone to me.  

“I realise, back at the orphanage, that I was unforgivably rude and caused the occasion to be a much more distressing situation that it should have been. I get tense when I leave the security of the bunker, especially to go into the city. But what I’m trying to say is that I was wrong to act that way and I apologise.”

I was dumbstruck. I hadn’t expected anything like that from him. He seemed sincere and as if he actually meant every word.

“Thank you.”  

He took a sip from his whiskey and walked back around to his work. I stood there for a little while, unsure of what to do. Did he want me to leave? Or was there something else? I took a few cautious steps closer to his desk so I could see what he was staring at.

“What’re you working on?” I asked.

“It’s a generator.” He replied, taking another drink. “Or at least it will be.”

“Oh... Yeah I... I should’ve seen that.” I forced, attempting to joke.

Jeremiah didn’t seem to appreciate it, because his only reply was more silence. I looked around at a few more of the papers, not daring to touch or move any, and soon enough the heavy silence lingering in the air became too much.

“Should I leave now?” I asked, gesturing to the door.

“If you like.” He didn’t even bother to look up, so I took it as my cue.

On my way back to the door, I ran through the apology in my head and remembered what I’d promised my sisters.

“I would like to write them, Mr Wilde.” I said, prompting Jeremiah to look up at me. “Can I?”

He downed the rest of his whiskey and landed the empty glass heavily onto the desk, before turning around to pull a sticky note off the wall.

“Use this as the return address.” He handed the note out to me and I took it gingerly. “I’ll have Ecco bring you some stationary.”  

He picked the pencil back up and returned to his work.

“Thank you.”

I left for the door once again, reading the sticky note.  

Meyer and Hayes.

“And please.” He called. “My name is Jeremiah.”

[imaginesmai]

Sebastian Stan - We’re a team

Mixing two requests, @squishybebe​ about an interviewer being rude to the reader (I know you said flirtry, but this is what came out, I’m sorry!) and an anon about his son interrupting a meeting. I hope you all like it!

Plot: no interview is boring since having your adorable four year old son, who needs his father as much as he needs him.

To say that Sebastian was bored was an understatement. It had reached a point where he had just resigned himself with looking at the guy in front of him and nodding a little when required.

The questions were too predictable; how did it feel to be playing one of the characters in something as big as the MCU, how was it to work with great actors like Evans or Downey, and how had it been his work out routine that had gotten him fit for the films. The interview wasn’t anymore about his new film, Endings Begging, but more about gossip. Even if he didn’t talk much, the guy was answering himself as he did the question.

“And did you have to cut on any type of specific food, like burgers and other stuff?” he asked and didn’t stop to let him answer. “Because I’ve seen your TV spot about ‘cheat day’ and you seemed pretty eager – you actually ate it after it cut off?”

Sebastian gave him a tight smile, as the guy started talking again about the obesity in the united states. He had caught the camera guy dozing off a few times, and his manager was no where to be seen anymore. From all the interviews he had done, that was without any doubt the most boring.

And the worst thing wasn’t that he was stuck there with his tight jeans, it was that he had brough you and Luca to the plato in hopes of finishing soon and giving you a tour around. Your little boy had just turned four and everything with lights and colours was amazing to him; as long as he didn’t have to stay in the same place for more than a few minutes. He got angsty and started crying, and he already felt bad enough when the clock reached the hour in there.

“Would you say you’re a role model for little kids?” the interviewer attacked again. “With your violent characters and –”

He was cut off by a thud, and everyone’s attention went to the clear glass door, including Sebastian’s, his heart quite literally rocketing out of his chest when he saw who was outside the door. Before he could even react, Luca was jumping up and grabbing the handle, the door effectively swinging open so fast that it could have broken if he wasn’t a little kid.

“Daddy!” Luca screeched, his face red and tear-streaked.  “Daddy!”

You appeared behind him the next second, looking around wildly until you found your kid. He was way too fast for you to catch, and Sebastian watched as his four-year-old kid rounded all the tech equipment and ran into a woman’s legs. She stumbled and glared at him with such fire that Sebastian felt felt anxious, but Luca didn’t seem fazed, as he rushed over his dad with his arms raised.

It was then when he noticed the what the problem was, sympathy forming in his chest as Luca slammed into his legs. You were apologising softly to the people he had ran over as you jogged towards the pair.

“I – I had an accident!” Luca sobbed with such a despair that Sebastian felt his heart ache.

The whole team were all looking at him with their eyebrows raised, the interviewer going as far as scoffing and trying to look around for someone to fix it. You landed on your knees beside them and, even if Luca had ran from where you were playing with him, the little boy reached a hand for you to take.

It had been a month since the last incident, and Luca felt really proud of it. No more wetting the bed at night when he had to sleep alone and no more staining his favourite trousers when you took to long to go home. He reminded you every day that he was already a big boy, and that soon he would be wearing a cool suit like daddy when he goes to the ‘flashy place’.

Luca sobbed even harder when Sebastian rubbed a comforting hand against his back.

“Um, can someone – take care of this?” the interviewer chuckled, looking directly at you. “We were working here, and you’re kind in the middle of something.”

“Yeah, sorry. I’m sorry” you blushed in embarrassment, trying to pry Luca from Sebastian. The boy had an iron grip on his father. “It’s just – he ran out of the room, I’m sorry. I couldn’t hold him.”

“Yeah, well, you should. You can’t let him run off like that, he’s going to become a brat” the interviewer talked, missing how Sebastian was sending him glares with his eyes. “What kind of mother can’t hold his son?”

“Why don’t you keep your opinions to yourself?” Sebastian scoffed. “Come one, we’ll get you cleaned up, yes?”

His voice was softer when he talked with Luca. He placed his hands under Luca’s armpits and hoisted him into his lap, not caring about the expensive sweater he had chosen for the interview. Wiping the tears away from his son’s face, he pressed his lips against your cheek and assured you that it was fine. He watched Luca’s index and middle finger disappear into his mouth. Usually, he would tell him off, but even he felt anxious with so many people looking at them.

The guy got up too when Sebastian neared the door, wide eyes and gripping his notebook. He gestured to the camera to stop recording for a second and ran towards you.

“Why are you leaving? We aren’t over” he said as Sebastian looked back to him. The interviewer took a few steps back when he noticed the angry scowl on the actor’s face. He looked between you and him, hesitant. “She can – she can take care of… him. You know, let the man of the house work. You can’t… leave.”

He attempted to joke with Sebastian, chuckling, but he wasn’t having any of it. Instead of laughing and handing you Luca, he secured his grip on him and gestured you to open the door.

“I can and I will, actually” he answered as he bounced Luca up and down. “What you can do is never talk about my wife like that again, she’s as much as a parent as me, and she doesn’t need to take care of anything so that I can work. If you ever do it again, you can have a chat with my layer next, who will be very happy to hear from you”

Leaving the man open-mouthed, you left the recording room behind Sebastian closing the door behind you. You hadn’t looked up from the ground, only to check periodically on Luca, who was calming down now that he had his daddy with him. Still, there was a small proud smile on your face.

“Daddy?”

“Yes bubba?” Sebastian replied, looking back to check that the door was closed.

“Mad?”

Sebastian smiled softly as he stepped into the hallway, reaching with the hand that wasn’t holding Luca to yours. He gave it a soft squeezed, answering to your unsaid question and Luca’s one at the same time.

“Nah, it was being too boring without you. I’m always up for any of you if you need me”

Luca hid his face on Sebastian’s neck as you made your way to the spare room where you had been playing with Luca. The floor was covered in books, stuffed animals, and a few dolls that he had been playing with, mixing them in some childish fantasy about a castle and a lost prince. You didn’t say anything as you entered the room and let Luca on the floor. Bringing your travel bag, with spare clothes, you cleaned Luca in the small bathroom and changed his clothes between the two of you, putting the stained ones in a plastic bag.

You didn’t say anything as Luca talked the silence away with his ramblings about what his daddy had missed in the hour he had been away. He showed him the drawing he had done and Sebastian told him that he could go and play for a while.

Luca skipped away as you leaned against the sink.

“I’m sorry for letting him run away” you started, quite embarrassed that your four-year-old had crashed Sebastian’s interview. “When I realized what had happened it was too late, and he was already calling out for you.

“No, that’s – I don’t want you to apologize draga mea” Sebastian frowned. “I’m the one who has to apologize, I should have cut the interview sooner”

“You don’t have to cut any interview for us” you smiled at him. “I should have had a better hold on him. Your work is important, Seb, and we can’t go crashing –“

“No, my work isn’t important” he interrupted you, and with a long stride he was in front of you. “You’re important, cause you’re my family. And it’s fine if you interrupt an interview because Luca or you missed me, I can handle a few angry words from the team. But what I can’t handle is you thinking that it’s your duty taking care of everything, alright? We’re a team”

“Quite a team” you chuckled, looking down at the bag with the stained clothes.

“Yeah, but you’re my team, so that’s fine”

You didn’t say anything else and Sebastian leaned in for a kiss, in that small and shitty bathroom. Indeed, you made a good team.

Want to read more? Check out my side blog @imaginesmaimasterlists​, where I keep all the masterlists! Feedback is always appreciated

[extremelyblackandwhite]

handmaid - 09

PAIRING: mob!sebastian stan x ingenue!reader

WARNINGS: age gap, mentions of violence

A/N: hope you enjoy this chapter xxx

NEXT CHAPTER

   - It’s about Mr. Williams.

Sebastian’s face creased up, the lines that were rather faint in his skin becoming more prominent as his cerulean eyes lowered to look at the Y/N who was starting to curl up like a silkworm. That was the least of names he wanted to hear, specially the least of names he wanted to hear coming from her lips. The name itself seemed to taint her lips and it didn’t take long for Y/N to realise the atmosphere had shifted into uncharted territory. Sebastian wouldn’t hurt her, right? He had never given her any excuses for her to believe he would hurt her, however the dislike for Mr. Williams was certainly present. 

  - What about Mr. Williams, Y/N? - he spoke in a low tenor, menacing enough to make her feel short.

  - I was just speaking with Gwen ... - Y/N was lying through her teeth, hoping Sebastian wouldn’t ask a lot of questions if she added the heiress’ name to the narrative. He, however, didn’t seem to lower down his defence stance. - You’re not gonna dispose of him, are you?

  - I don’t think I owe you any explanation about my business. Know your place, Y/N. - the words made her heart clench as the once rather warm and comfortable environment seemed to freeze, and Y/N was no longer comfortable. Why would she ask him about his business? Yet, on the other hand why shouldn’t she? She was one of his employees too. 

Y/N’s glance migrated away from him to look at her own hands which were gripping the railings of the balcony. It hadn’t been hard for her notice that he didn’t really like people messing into his business, however, she wasn’t expecting to having been shot down this quickly. It wasn’t like Y/N was a big fan of Thompson Williams, she was just paying him a favour, after all everyone is worth a second shot and he looked scared enough and worried to deserve one. With a shaky breathe, she returned to look at him, observing that the tenseness had not left his face, however it looked like a facade, almost like a mask and she wondered what he hid behind it. 

Without speaking another word, frightful for more hurtful words coming from him, she turned around, feet moving to point towards the door which she walked to, opening it and leaving Sebastian’s suite. So much for the favour mentioned by the sleazy man. Why would he hold any favour towards her when she was a bright reminder that he was fated towards a marriage he didn’t pick? 

Almost like snapped of a daze, Sebastian blinked quite a few times, lingering on the place she had been on before he took off to the hall expecting her not to be fast enough to have already returned to her bedroom. Much to his dismay, the halls of the hotel were empty with only sounds of soft snoring coming from the other bedrooms.

    - Fuck. - he sighed, kicking one of the wall heaters in frustration.

    - Sir. - one of the bodyguards made himself known. - Is everything alright, sir?

    - Yes, Elias. - Sebastian had made particularly important to have trusted bodyguards following Y/N and Gwen around, however, Elias was specially responsible by keeping an eye on Y/N. - Make sure Miss Y/N is alright.

The morning came quickly and like a wound, his words were rather sore on her mind and running wild as she sat down on the hotel’s restaurant to have a lavish restaurant with Gwen. Despite the beautiful refined pastries, cakes, and teas being constantly put in front of her, she was much too lost in her thoughts and regrets over even mentioning Williams’ name in front of Sebastian. 

Another employee set a basket of bread in front of the two girls along with endless glasses of various brightly coloured juices which smelled like they were freshly squeezed fruit juice. The breakfast however went by in seconds, maybe due to Y/N’s relentlessness to overthink every single little thing she had done wrong or maybe due to the fact that regarding the nice climate, Gwen was interested in rushing through breakfast and head out to the pool. In all honesty, a nice day by the pool did sound nice, as long as she were able to read whatever she wanted with no one bothering her. 

It wasn’t like Gwen was gonna go do sight seeing which meant Y/N had to do with what she was given and a peaceful day by the pool sounded well enough. They were taken by the bodyguards to the pool and set off shop in the white and bamboo lounge with a VIP sign glued to. Y/N took place in the shadiest place, opening her book, set it on top of her legs and put her earbuds in, getting lost in instrumental soundtracks and beautifully written novels. 

Sebastian woke up much later than the two women, picking his phone to check if there were any business news and much to his dismay, there were several things he’d had to go over. Before returning to his work, he decided to go check on Gwen, mostly because he was certain Y/N was most likely by his fianceé’s side. And by her side she was, as he stepped onto the pool courtyard he found the very innocent and naíve Y/N scantily clad in a bright red swimsuit in Baywatch fashion. Suddenly, his pants felt tighter and his mind was screaming at him not to look at the handmaid when his future wife was even more scantily dressed than her. 

Y/N noticed his presence, pushing her red rimmed sunglasses down a bit to the bridge of her nose to look at him before pushing them back up and raising her book her. She was definitely upset at him and he couldn’t apologise for his behaviour in front of Gwen. 

Sebastian grabbed his phone from his back pocket, dialling a very familiar number before turning his back on the two girls.

   - I’m gonna need a favour. - he mumbled as he walked away to return to his business. 

   - Y/N! - Gwen poked her handmaid’s arm, making her take her earbuds off and eventually ending her peaceful moment. - Look at those guys, they’re are totally checking us out. 

Y/N rolled her eyes, rotating her head ever to slightly look at the men on the other side on the pool. They looked exactly like the same type of guys she had gone to university with and none of them held a candle to Sebastian. Wait. Why was she comparing them to Sebastian? Of course they looked nothing like the mob boss, they weren’t being apparently closed off about their flirting, were significantly younger and ... well ... they did not look like him. But he was engaged and it was clear he was probably still mad at her. Despite that, Y/N was still not in the mood to play wing woman to Gwen.

   - They are definitely staring at you, Gwen. 

   - Aw, what’s that? Are you saving yourself for someone else or something? 

   - I’m just not in the mood. - she sighed. - Besides, they’re just looking for a passing fancy.

   - A forever romantic, aren’t you? C’mon, is there someone I should know about?

   - I don’t think anyone is interested in me like that, Gwen. 

   - C’mon! Don’t you have someone whose touch lingers a little bit after they’ve done so? - yes. God yes, but that someone whose touch lingered around every time they happened. - If you don’t then there’s some guys clearly interested in talking to us. 

  - You can go, Gweny. You clearly want to go. - Sebastian had left a long time ago, hence why Y/N was rallying her up to do so. Yet, mostly so she could leave her alone which after a while she did, walking up in heels to the group of boys who fanned over her like if she were the impersonation of Venus. After a while of being in the shade reading Dangerous Liasons, Y/N decided to return to her room knowing Gwen was about to retire from the pool herself with one of the boys.

Tired, she put a light and soft white coat on and grabbed her bag before heading to the stairs and onto the lift with Elias constantly on her tail. It wasn’t like she wasn’t used to security but ever since Sebastian assigned her own bodyguard to follow her around, it just felt odd. However, thankfully, she only had one compared to the crowd of six that followed Gwen around. 

The lift ride seemed endless when you’re tired but in less than two minutes she was back on her floor and on her bedroom. Throwing her bag onto the bed, she removed the coat and sat down on her duvet, eyes scanning her bedroom until she noticed a black velvety box standing in her dresser. 

  - Elias?- she called out and immediately the man had his head popped into the slight opening of her door. - What is that box?

  - It was left there by the staff. - he shrugged and returned to his position of waiting outside her door.

Curiously, Y/N paced to her dresser, looking at the box as if it were an explosive device before her hands brushed against the velvety material of the box. She didn’t know what it was but whatever it was, it was well packaged in a very expensive looking box. Suspiciously, she opened the box where a note in beige coloured paper was standing on top of a velvet bag. She took the paper in her hands, turning it around to see a rushed yet somehow pleasing handwriting. I’m sorry. S.S. x

Sebastian. Her tummy filled with butterflies as she felt the heat creep onto her cheeks. Placing the card on the table, she grabbed the velvet bag which was slightly heavier than expected and once she opened it to check the contents of it, she couldn’t help but smile at what she saw. It was exactly the same as she remembered, in the same beautiful pure white colour with golden accents. She opened the top of the music box and out came the melody she knew too well accompanied with the crystal ballerina and the Paris landscape.

Without much of a thought, she rushed out of her door and to the front of Sebastian’s suite door, knocking on it rather forcefully.

   - Miss Y/N, Mr. Stan isn’t taking any visits right now. - one of his bodyguards rather rudely spoke down to her.

   - I’m sorry, I just really need to speak with him. - she held the music box close to her chest. - Please. 

   - I’m afraid you didn’t hear me correctly. - his hand wrapped around her wrist, pushing her away from the door and into the middle of the hall. - No visits now.

   - Could you please let him know that I want to speak with him. Please. 

   - Listen, Miss Y/N, I see you’re used to experience the same type of privilege as Miss Forrest but you’re an employee and as an employee you schedule appointments and behave like an employee. Are we understood? 

   - Yes. - she looked down, shifting her weight from side to side. 

   - Unhand Miss Y/N this second. - the colour from his face drained as his hand lost its grip on her wrist. She looked up to see a very unhappy Sebastian with his arms crossed across his chest and, like a shy child, tip toed over behind him as he condemned the bodyguard. - You are not to touch Miss Y/N without her permission or I’ll cut your fucking hands off. Do you hear me?

  - Yes, sir. - Y/N was fascinated by how he didn’t need to scream and how he just kept a grip over power unseen to her. Before she could even process what had just happened, Sebastian placed his hand on the small of her back to lead her back to his suite before closing the door behind them. 

  - You should’ve called out for me when you knocked. - his gaze lowered to the music box in her hands. - I see you’ve got my gift. I’m so sorry for the way I treated you last night.

  - This is the most thoughtful thing someone has ever done for me. I can’t believe you remembered. - her fingers traced the pattern on the music box, smiling mindlessly. - Thank you so much, Sebastian. I don’t know ... I don’t even know how to repay the favour. 

    - It’s a gift, angel. You really should stop trying to repay gifts. - his hand grazed over her forearm. The lingering touch, there is was, and she couldn’t help but stare into his cerulean eyes. - I wasn’t in my best behaviour last night and I wanted to apologise. 

Y/N softly smiled, all the worries from last night fading away as she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a hug which took him by surprise. She had put her music box by the side and Sebastian stood there not entirely sure what to do with himself, all he knew is that it felt good to have her in his arms in a way like nothing else ever felt. The hug seemed too short as both of them pulled away, staring into each other’s eyes until the magnetism just became too much for any of them to handle and as if she were bewitched she leaned forward, connecting her lips to his in what felt like the blooming of various emotions she was yet to experience. 

It’s really something.

tag list:​ @lilya-petrichor​ @xoxohannahlee @irespostthingsiwanttoseelater @nikkipea @madisonpillstrom​ @cevans98​ @thelostallycat​ @sideeffectsofyou​ @anxiousdreamersworld​

[the-fandom-fuckup]

A bit more for that modern fantasy au I teased a bit ago

Character designs n stuff are slightly based off the official halloween n fantasy ending arts, plus whatever else I wanted to do, so Kiri is a dragon shifter here, Baku is a werewolf, n Ochako is a witch.

There'll probably be a hint of a/b/o dynamics here for weres n shifters, n the idea of alpha!Kiri n alpha!Baku has stuck to me like glue, so that's a thing here also

There's no real plot for this, just these three being dumb n pining, and everyone around them rolling their eyes n dealing with it lmao

I've thought about jobs n first meetings tho, n came up with this. Kiri's a firefighter (along with Tetsu, who is also a dragon shifter, bc I love him and their bro-bond), bc big fire resistent boy running into fires to help people just makes sense. Also I really like the thought of him in the uniform

Ochako works as a self defense instructor with Gunhead at a small gym in town, probably helping people with magic items n stuff on the side for extra cash or smth, I dunno. She might wanna move into a more magically dominant field one day, but she likes the environment of the gym n the regulars that come in n chat between classes. She's also very good at what she does n has put many assholes in their place after they've scoffed at "the cute little girl you have here".

Baku is a "park ranger", n I use quotations bc that's the only title he could really give himself to have any authority over the land he owns. He gives himself more leeway than what some laws may grant, tho tbh if you're coming into his territory with intent to harm those in it, you're lucky to walk away at all just sayin'

He runs an escape park of sorts for weres n shifters to run around during full moons and other times they need to shed their human skin, personally owned so he can avoid all the bullshit regulations n "safety procedures" found in bigger places that try offering the same thing, but ultimately make the shifting process shittier than it needs to be. And words gets around so it gets super popular super fast, n people of all ages come by

Tbh the thought of a teeny tiny wolf, like 10y/o at most running around Baku n trying to get him to play, nipping at his ankles n calling him the pack alpha is really what settled the debate on whether he should be an alpha or omega. And the added image of Baku rolling his eyes n putting on his toughass act but not really minding it as he gets them moving with a tap on the ass, muttering "Fuckin told ya squirt, I'm not your pack alpha. Now find someone else's ankles to bite at, I'm busy", makes me feel really nice

For some first meetings, tbh Kiribaku probably happens first, n they meet when Kiri n Tetsu accidentally trespass on Baku's territory bc they're new to the area n found a big ass lake to soak in during a flight over town, like dude!! Fuck yea that could fit both of us easy, man I haven't soaked in my big form in forever lets go!

And ofc if the giant shadows overhead hadn't tipped him off the security sensors would've so Baku's like who in the FUCK!! N storms off to confront them bc you don't just come on his land like that. That's how people get fucking hurt you dumb assholes 😤😤

N Kiri n Tetsu are mostly just minding their own business, settling down into the lake like aw yea that's the shit, almost passing out bc they'd just had a long day n the water was so cool n the fish eatting the dead skin n shit off their scales was so relaxing. They don't even realise they'd drifted into a light doze when they hear furious snarling n harsh sniffing coming their way, n barely have enough time to get up before Baku comes tearing shit through the trees

And like. Kiri n Tetsu know that they're big boys. Their full sized dragon forms are huge n there's not much out there that scares them, but nobody likes coming face to face with a snarling werewolf, standing in their territory without any warning that you maybe shouldn't be there

Despite the hostile intro, it doesn't take much for the misunderatanding to be cleared up. There's a lot of apologies from Kiri n Tetsu n a lot of irritated snorts from Baku, but they get straightened out. Baku tells them what kinda show he's running n Kiri inatantly get sparkly eyes like dude!! You do that all by yourself?! That's so manly bro you gotta let us help with that

Baku snorts like you don't have to make empty offers if you wanna use the grounds, I don't refuse people unless they pose an actual threat to the others. You guys aren't dangerous, just stupid. N Kiri goes hey rude, but also it's gotta be a lot dealing with all that on your own. We can at least watch out from above, keep an eye on shit or whatever bc face it man, you may be great but even you can't be in multiple places at once.

And the only reason Baku ends up agreeing is bc they pester him about it until he's well past irritated, n he's figured out the only way to shut them up was concede. They can't be there fulltime anyway consudering their professions, but they're sure to help when they can

Kirichako meet at the gym. Kiri's buying a membership or smth bc you gotta keep the stength up bro! Can't be slacking when you're the difference between someone living n someong dying y'know? Ochako's either in a class or dealing with some hothead, her furrowed brows n puffed cheeks distracting Kiri n reminding him of a chipmunk before bud says smth he can't hear but has Ochako seeing red. It doesn't take long for him to end up on his ass n Kiri's just stuck watching, jaw dropped n heart eyes as Ochako tells the guy he can either fix his attitude or find somewhere else to go

Kiri turns to Tetsu like dude holy shit did you see that?? N Tetsu's like yea bro everyone saw it, n Ochako comes up to them like sorry about that. We have a no harassment policy here that some people overstep, n it sucks that we get people coming in that need it enforced but unfortunately it's pretty common.

Then, bc she's still a bit sour, she looks them both dead in the eyes with a fire raging behind hers like if that's not smth you think you can handle then you might as well save us all the hassle n leave now. N they're both like no way that was great, totally understandable, just tell us where to sign

And while she came off as kinda aggressive during their initial meet, Kiri's quick to find she has just as much sweetness to match her bite. He watches her between sets sometimes n sees how kind n gentle she can be with the younger classes that come in, how she doesn't single out people who struggle n instead moves to help n provide tips without making a huge deal of it

She's also one of the first people to come running when someone gets hurt, he finds out. He'd admittedly been more focused on her sparring with Gunhead than he'd been on the super heavy equipment he was using for his reps, n managed to look over at the perfect time to get flustered n drop it directly on his foot. The resounding crack was loud enough to catch quite a bit of attention, tho he knows the equipment is more likely to be damaged than his foot

Ochako doesn't even hesitate to run over n levitate him to take the pressure off of his not broken foot, going "oh my god are you okay?? Someone clear that bench please, he needs to get off his feet now!" N Kiri does appreciate the concern, as embarassing as it may be, n tries to tell her it's really not a big deal, thanks for the help but honestly--

N she rounds on him like say that one more time n you'll be dealing with a broken nose instead, now sit your ass down n let me handle this!! Kiri can't even reply with anything other than a quiet okay😳😳 bc he's always thought her determination was super admirable, but being this close n seeing it burn in her eyes so intensely is taking it to a whole new level n he has no clue how to handle it

Kacchako meeting is kind of a hybrid mix of the other two combined lmao. Baku owns a pack house where he lives with Deku, then later with Kiri, Tetsu, Mina, Kami, n Sero, but he's so busy with the park that he's hardly ever home. N since Ochako's kinda embarassed about her tiny ass appartment, they usually hang out at the pack house to talk over magic studies or gossip over whatever's happened recently. At this point Baku n Ochako have heard of each other but never been around at the same time

Which causes a problem one day while Ochako's in the kitchen making tea when Baku comes home. He'd had a stressful day warding off poachers or smth, n his rut's just a few days away now, so when he opens the door n is greeted with a slightly unfamiliar scent it sends him into a daze, where he stalks to the kitchen before he even knows that he's moving

Ochako knows tho, can hear the low growls and deliberately quiet steps creeping behind her, setting her on edge bc ohhhh my god, someone just broke into Deku's place holy shit!! And when it gets close enough to barely feel hot breath on the back of her neck she's flinging herself into action, all muscle memory as she gets a few quick jabs into Baku's gut. It knocks the question outta his lungs, getting out a choked "who the--" before her magic kicks in and she's picking him up n slamming him down with his weight returned for maximum momentum, body slamming the following "fUCK!!" out as well before she placed her weight on him to keep him down. She gets right in his face demanding "who are you?! How did you get in here?!"

And when he can breathe again Baku snaps back like "who tf am I?!? I live here!! Who tf are you?!?!" And like, she's still in fight mode so she's looking him over like hmm, so this is Bakugou. Then she realises wtf she's doing n goes oh my god it's Bakugou!! N she's jumping off him and apologising so fast that she's barely saying words, trying to take his hands n help him back up but getting swatted away bc you've done enough touching don't you think??

And yea, Baku's kinda pissed. Being attacked in your own house does that to anyone, let alone a pre-rut alpha. But also, he's kinda impressed, bc he can count on one hand the amount of people who've gotten the drop on him like that, but he'd rather die than admit it out loud. So he just huffs at her with a final "try that shit again n I'll kill you", n stalks off to his room, having more important things to worry about right then than who's fucking around in his kitchen

((His rut decides to be completely unhelpful that time around, his alpha brain locking in on the faint perfume she'd left on his shirt while tossing him around and how perfectly it mixed with his own scent, as well as the shirt he nabbed from Kiri's laundry basket the night before. He rubs the scents of these strong potential mates all over his den, knots his rut aid with his face plastered to the shirts then uses it to scent the shirts even more, drunk off of how well their scents all mix together. He's rightfully embarassed during the end when he can start thinking properly again n throws both shirts to the back of his closet to be forgotten about--as much as his alpha fights him on it--n moves on to his business like normal.

Tho if he tries to be home more often when he knows Ochako's coming around, n spends more time in Kiri's space, nobody's mean enough to comment on it. At least, not at first.))

Man I have many feelings about this, but I'll leave it here for now bc I could go on forever

[calypsoff2]

Six. Part 4

The girls are not happy that the porters have taken their dad, but he will be back, I hope his lung has inflated but he seems well to be honest, but you never know with Chris, he likes to lie to just get out of this place “how were they?” I asked my mother, letting Imani down because Chris has gone for his scan, she won’t pull on anything “they were good, you like Imani’ hair” looking over at her smiling “reminds me of the pain I went through, did she cry?” I didn’t hear her cry “no she didn’t, she isn’t weak like you” I gasped, how rude “but they were all good, we went shopping. They picked everything out themselves, I just walked with them, and they used their own money” I cooed out looking over at them “you are spoiling daddy lots haven’t you, I love them and so does daddy. Got him crying didn’t you” I love that my girls wanted to use their own money, but they actually don’t have any money, I just paid “mommy we wanted it to be from us” of course they did “they even picked the shoes?” I can only imagine what they got “Rajad and the girls went back and forth, he was trying to help them but girls for you” I chuckled “oh mom” Tianna held my hand and got in my eye view “Imani was waving at strangers, they kept saying Rihanna and Imani kept waving. We said no you can’t” looking at my mother “oh just New York for you, people recognized the girls, they were ok, but people just kept shouting their names and Rajad picked up Imani at the end of it, but people just did the most including taking pictures of them, I did say no pictures” shaking my head “it’s ok Tianna, she will learn. Thank you for telling me” Imani will wave to anyone, she isn’t bothered “the girls are famous, they should have security with them too” TJ said, I forgot he was here “maybe you right” I mumbled “we did wave too though” Rylee spoke up “we were being kind” Tianna retorted “ok, it’s fine. Just don’t go near these people, you don’t know them ok” I just find New York unbearable to say the least, fans know everything when here.

These girls are literally wanting Chris to open his present, but he isn’t back yet “Robbie, so what have you decided. Christmas is coming up and I think we need to have some sort of idea? Joyce and I have an idea” oh they have been discussing “Imani, put the chocolates down please. They are daddy things” she passed me the box “I want it” looking back at my mom “I don’t know, why?” I asked my mother seeing as she knows everything right now “well we think, hopefully he will be out, but we go back to LA and we celebrate together? What do you think, we can just spend Christmas together. It will take the stress away from you doing it alone Robyn, I think you should let us take the stress away from you because Chris will be healing” she is right, they can really take that stress from me “I guess you are right” bless them, they are thinking of me because I am going crazy out of my mind thinking how I want to make the day so good for my daughters but I can’t because I am here and there “are we staying here dad?” Camron asked, like he is invited “oh we are going VA son” thank god, why is here still anyways, he can go now.

The porters bought Chris back in “dad” the girls rushed over “hey, come here. Sit down now. Let them do their job now” Chris is smiling so much at his girls “I am good babies, I missed y’all faces you know that right” I hope his lung is better “is it good news?” I asked, Chris shrugged “I don’t know Robyn, let me go and see the results myself” squinting my eyes at him “you want me to beat yo ass so bad” Chris snorted laughing “don’t be so rude to me” Chris said like he hasn’t been rude to me all this time, I swear this guy is a trip “on a real I don’t know” smiling at him, he stuck his tongue out at me as he would “uncle, are you going to come to my games?” if Camron doesn’t leave my husband alone, he is a father to three other girls, he doesn’t need him. His dad is there, I know that Chris is very involved with Camron but still. I just find it annoying “Robyn, hey. Can I speak to you?” TJ asked, I paused looking at my kids “mom, make sure the girls are ok. Especially Imani, I don’t want her to jump on Chris” I chuckled, she is ready to get at her dad. Getting up from the seat “where y’all going now?” Chris asked “I just need to ask Robyn something, be back bro” feeling a hand catch mine, looking behind me “I will be back Tianna” she didn’t want me to go there “ok” she mumbled, walking off behind TJ.

I guess he has been seeing me pulling faces, I know Chris has caught me doing just that and has been questioning what is wrong with me but it’s his friend and my friend, they are the ones annoying me now “Mel going to stay or she going?” I said, she is sat in the waiting room. She hasn’t even come into the room, why is she hiding in here “I am going” Mel said as she got up from the seat “I just want you to know that I do respect Chris, you think I don’t, but I do” waving her off, I don’t want to hear it, I just want her to leave me be right now. When I am in this mood I am not good for anyone, I am not nice to anyone either so can she please. TJ is brave, clearly trying to be with his little man syndrome too. Sitting down, looking at TJ looking at my friend and she looked at him. Is she praying for him, I am not going to kill him now. The door closed “uh yeah, I just feel there is some bitter feelings between you and I? I don’t like that because we family” I am just staring at the chain Chris got him and himself, like a brother thing but I am sick and tired, because this is like kind of on my dime too. I am paying for his lifestyle “family can always be no good too TJ, I am going to be straight up with you. You’re living a lifestyle you can’t afford; you know I am right” TJ is offended “because you’re Rihanna you think you can just assume I can’t afford shit?” oh he is not happy “well why aren’t you paying for your child going to private school? What about basketball academy? Oh yeah, Chris got him in that because of me, I did it not knowing. Like a dumb bitch I am, not knowing my husband would be paying, I thought you would be doing it. I have left this situation alone, I didn’t want to upset my husband and then upset you, because then I am getting between you both but because my man could have been hurt because of his niceness I am done, you either have the money or you don’t? I don’t think you can, wasn’t my husband helping you pay for the home in LA!? Nigga you are living ten minutes away from us! You can’t afford that apartment” now it’s out, he is upset of course.

He is not a man, clearly because he looks like he wants the ground to swallow him up “you own Black Pyramid but baby that isn’t no Fenty is it now? You are living beyond your means; I don’t mind helping people. You can ask my own family, shit. Even Mel, you can ask her. She never took off me, I have helped her with getting the connect but money wise? She lived with me yes, she generally was with me, but I never actively gave her money and paid out for her apartment, I don’t employ my family. I will help them and that is blood, now you!? Chris is being beyond kind” I think I am being too harsh, let me just backdown “you know what TJ, he even helped you get that son of yours. Have you ever thought of you know being appreciative” TJ crossed his arms across his chest “Chris knows me, I always thank him. How can you think of me as a freeloader, I am always there for him. Camron is like his own son; I don’t mind that. Camron loves Chris more then me!” he spat “because he gives him things, how about you give him things? How about you be the dad, huh?” I said “then how about you produce a son for him” that took me a back, like that shit hit me hard and it shut me up. I think the words left his lips and he wanted to rewind the situation “you know I lost the baby; you know. You were there, we were preparing for my twelve week scan, you know this, and you said that!? Wow, fuck you” TJ cringed “I am sorry” he apologised, he can go and fuck himself, I am done with this conversation.

I had a little cry by myself, that is so hurtful to even say that to someone that lost their child. He fucking knew I did, and he just used that, like I have to give him a son for him to not do shit for Camron anymore, is that what he meant but I had a little cry to just let it out. I had to cry because if I didn’t do in the toilets them I would have done it while in that room, that shit was uncalled for. He was just trying to upset me, and it worked anyways, opening the door to the room “mommy” Imani ran at me “hey, I am coming inside baby come on” grabbing her arm to move her inside “water, I don’t want it no more” taking the cup from her, TJ is still here, and I don’t get why. Looking over at Chris, his head tilted to the side glaring at me “what’s wrong?” he asked “nothing, just hayfever” sitting down on the chair “really?” he questioned “yes, I said what I said. What is happening with you” Rylee is now staring at me, placing the cup down “they will be taking the tube out, they are happy” that is so good “so surgery?” Chris nodded his head “you know what, I am going to take the girls back. I am tired and also you will have that surgery, he can stay here anyways. But the girls need to go back and rest” Chris knows something off “going?” he said like I swore at him “yes, I am tired. I will come back tomorrow. You have TJ and also they won’t discharge you yet, call and text me, or better yet I will just drop some food off” staring at Chris, he is staring at me and he is not happy but he has to drop it “fine” he mumbled, TJ can stay seeing as he won’t fucking leave, I will just go and rest with my daughters.

[darkblueboxs]

howdy i love your aftg writing!! here’s a concept: i feel like once neil’s past is out, he has no reason to hesitate absolutely sucker punching someone. like we know he made neil a pushover because it raises less questions, but now that everyone knows who he is im SURE he’s just bitch slapped someone mid-game. no holding back, like if u say something fucked up he’s just gonna try to kill you!! do you know who this man is?? there’s no doubt in my mind that he knows some quick and lethal punches!

Oh yes, anon. Bruiser!Neil I can DEFO get behind. 

Here’s 3k of Neil punching stuff, and Andrew being wildly turned on by it. Read here or on AO3 (Check AO3 notes for content warnings, etc.)

*Edit* : In the original version of this fic, Nicky faces racist abuse in addition to homophobic abuse, and quotes the offensive language and slurs used against him. After concerns were raised regarding how I handled this abuse (specifically, the language used, the context in which the abuse takes place, and my position as a non-latine) I censored and subsequently removed the relevant dialogue. I sincerely apologise and promise to do better in the future. Please don't hesitate to contact me with any questions and concerns regarding this subject.

[01/06/2020]

All the Guys Love a Bruiser

Neil’s mother taught him how to throw a punch, of course she did. Their lessons took place anywhere spacious enough to swing a fist, in empty parking lots behind greasy gas stations or in dingy motel rooms if she thought the walls were thick enough to cover up the noises they made.

Mary had always been more flight than fight, an instinct she had forced into Neil over years of running. Even she had to admit, however, that sooner or later they would hit a dead end, and while that would spell certain death for both of them, it would be better to go down fighting than it would on their knees.

If their lessons ended with Neil aching black and blue, it was his own fault. He needed to be quicker, smarter, crueller. More like his mother.

Matt’s teaching style is different from Mary’s, as is his fighting style. It bears the hallmarks of professional athleticism, all stances and positioning and strategy. While his mother’s idea of a lesson in self-defence was to hit Neil until he figured out how to dodge her blows or hit back, Matt talks him through how to angle his body, how to make a fist in a way that won’t break his fingers. At the end of their first boxing lesson, the only bruises on Neil’s body are the light purple spreading across his knuckles.

That evening, he and Andrew take over the beanbags, TV muted in the background while they dig into ice-cream. The tub is pleasantly cool in Neil’s hands, and he rubs his knuckles against the sides like an improvised icepack. When the residual cold has melted away, Neil flexes his fingers, enjoying the faint tingle dancing across them. These marks are different from those his mother gave him; they weren’t inflicted on him unwillingly but earned with sweat and exertion. When Matt had let go of the punching bag and told him they were done for the day, Neil had been surprised by his own disappointment. He had never been sorry see the end of his mother’s lessons.

Andrew takes his hand suddenly, startling Neil from his thoughts. It’s a purely analytical touch; he turns Neil’s hand over and runs a finger across the blossoming bruises of his knuckles.

Neil bites back the I’m fine, knowing the look it would earn him. Instead he says, “I had fun. We’re meeting again next week.”

Andrew nods. It’s a few moments more before he relinquishes Neil’s hand, however. The heat of Andrew’s skin mingles with the singing twinge of Neil’s bruises like an after-print.

Next week, Andrew slouches into the gym after Neil. He ignores Matt’s invitation to join them, flopping onto a rowing machine and leaning back against the machinery so he can kick his feet up on the seat rail. They’re lucky that they chose unsociable hours for their workout, or a line of athletes would be forming to glare at him.

Andrew watches them train from across the room with apparent disinterest. He can feign boredom all he likes; Neil knows he wouldn’t have bothered following him to the gym without reason.

Matt, if anything, seems amused by Andrew’s presence. “Dan comes to watch me practice sometimes, too.” He pauses to correct the angles of Neil’s feet before nudging his arms into blocking positions. “She did it even before we started dating. She used to sit on an exercise bike and pretend she was cycling so I wouldn’t know she was there to watch me. It was never very convincing.”

“Why did she want to watch you?” Neil shifts his weight, trying to copy Matt’s position.

Matt’s face crinkles up with laughter. “That’s the most Neil thing you’ve ever said.”

“Everything I say is a Neil thing.”

“She liked it when I took my shirt off. C’mon, man, join the dots.”

“You don’t take your shirt off to box.”

“Yeah,” says Matt. “Don’t tell her that.”

Neil rolls his eyes. “Can I hit you now?”

Matt barks out a laugh, and training resumes.

“Enjoying the show?” Neil asks Andrew an hour later, dropping down on the gym mat next to him. Andrew hands Neil his water bottle with an unimpressed look.

“You’re awful.” Andrew flicks a look over to Matt, who is using their break to chat with the only other gym regular insane enough to be working out at the crack of dawn on a Sunday. “He could knock you on your ass with one right hook.”

“I know I’m awful. That’s what training is for.” Neil pauses to gulp down most of the bottle. A droplet escapes his lips and tracks down his jugular before falling into the dip of his clavicle. Andrew’s eyes track its path. “Matt isn’t going to hurt me. Is that what you’re worried about?”

“I’m not here to babysit you.”

“Huh.” Neil drains the last of the water before shaking the residual droplets over his head. The beads glint in the corners of his vision as they catch in his bangs and fleck his cheeks, mercifully cooling against his skin. Andrew is still watching him intently. His eyes flick to Matt once more, checking that he is still absorbed in his conversation.

“Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Neil replies, and he watches as Andrew takes Neil’s hand in his. The skin is flushed from strike after strike, not yet coloured in bruising patches but soon to be. Neil’s hands feel softer for it, sensitive to Andrew’s touch.

“I know my limits.” Neil isn’t sure why the gym suddenly feels three degrees warmer. “Really, it doesn’t hurt.”

“I know. I trust you.” Andrew sends one more look over Neil’s shoulder like he’s checking the coast is clear before pressing Neil’s knuckles to his lips.

The breath Neil was in the process of catching slips from his grasp entirely. “Oh.”

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“You like watching me fight.”

“It’s more interesting than watching you run.”

Neil leans in until he can see each individual freckle on Andrew’s cheeks. “Interesting?”

Andrew’s cool look is betrayed by the twitch of his jaw. “Something like that.”

If Matt notices Neil’s new vigour when they return to practice, he doesn’t comment on it. When he catches Neil’s eye, however, he grins knowingly. Perhaps Matt’s conversation had not been as absorbing as he made it out to be. Soon, however, the rhythm of the exercise draws Neil’s attention back to the task at hand.

Neil first learned to throw a punch because his mother believed that one day his life could depend on it. That isn’t the reason that he has resumed his training with Matt; it turns out that a good instructor and fewer death threats make the activity far more pleasant than Neil remembers. It may be a useful skill, but he values the challenge more than he does the practicality. The physicality, too – in fact, he likes boxing for the same reasons that he loves Exy. Quick, brutal, thrilling. He finally understands, too, why Andrew likes to spar with Renee whenever his emotions get on top of him. There’s a certain a sense of control that comes from putting his fist through a break-board. Not that he needs the empowerment as much as he once might have – most of Neil’s tormentors were killed long ago, his fears with them. Given his new life of safety and security, it’s likely that he’ll never really need to know how to throw a good punch.

It takes all of one week for Neil to be proven wildly, wildly wrong.

Opposition strikers – with one glaring, now very dead exception – are not typically Neil’s problem. Generally, if they end up playing on the same side of the court as him, something has gone wrong in the team’s strategies.

He can tell even from a distance, however, that one of the Terrapin strikers is causing difficulties. Not in terms of ability – of which Terrapin’s #13 has little – but in attitude. Thirteen is a vocal player, and Neil can hear snatches of his voice echoing across the court. No fists have been swung, which is an impressive feat for the Fox defenders, but perhaps only because the luck of substitutions has put Thirteen against Nicky more than anyone else, and Nicky is more likely to react to insults with mirth than anger.

Shortly before the end of the first half, Nicky is subbed off at the same time as Thirteen. Nicky passes Neil on the way to the court doors, clacking their racquets together with half a smile. “Give them hell, Neil.”

Thirteen passes them at the same moment, slamming Nicky’s shoulder as he passes. Nicky mutters a word under his breath that would have earned him a month of washing-up duty at Abby’s house before heading for the Foxes’ bench. Neil watches him go, eyebrows creasing together. Nicky isn’t easily upset by the cruelty of strangers; it’s the cruelty that comes from within his own family that is most likely to shake him from his good humour. The barbed insults of nameless players on the court, on the other hand, are usually brushed off with a rude gesture and no more.

Swept up in the rush of the match, Neil forgets about Nicky’s discomfort until half-time. The team pours from the court in high spirits; they have a decent lead over the Terrapins which should carry them through the second half when exhaustion starts to kick in. Nicky, despite having blocked more shots on goal than anyone, reacts to the arrival of the rest of the team with only a pallid grin. His grip on his water bottle is tight, and the cheap plastic crackles and caves in his hands.

Nicky is an easy read, and it doesn’t take long for the other Foxes to notice. After he brushes Renee’s concerned enquiry off, however, the team leaves him be.

When Neil returns to the court for the start of the third quarter, he breathes a sigh of relief to see that Thirteen is nowhere near Nicky. He’s standing closer to goal than Neil is happy with, but Andrew is more or less impervious to verbal abuse and Thirteen has yet to show signs of physical violence. As much as he wants to keep a closer eye on the situation, Kevin’s barked commands draw his attention to the match at hand. The best thing Neil can do for the Foxes’ defence is to spend as much time lobbing the ball at the Terrapin’s goal as possible.

Neil and Nicky are substituted at the same time; they collapse onto the bench and drown their exhaustion in Gatorade. Thirteen crushed Nicky against the wall moments before the substitution, and Nicky is uncharacteristically quiet as Abby examines the cut over his eye.

“You’re not whining about cramping your style,” she says as she presses a plaster in place. “Should I be worried?”

“Nah, this is great for my style. All the guys love a bruiser.” Nicky winks despite the blood crusting in his eyelashes. “Neil knows what I’m talking about, don’tcha, Neil?”

Abby makes a noise that isn’t convinced, but doesn’t press the issue. Neil waits until she’s out of earshot before saying casually, “I still have a few contacts in the mafia.”

“Your sense of humour is dire,” says Nicky, but he’s grinning, so Neil counts it as a win. “Don’t worry about it. I think Andrew’s drawing his fire now. Andrew handles that kind of thing a lot better than me.”

“What kind of thing?”

Nicky winced. “Don’t ask.”

“Tell me.”

“Let's just say he isn't exactly lining up to lead a Pride march.” Nicky snorts humorlessly.

The joke doesn’t land, and not because of Neil’s non-existent sense of humour. He may not be as obvious as Nicky in his preferences nor as dark-skinned, but he has still been on the receiving end of enough of that brand of bullshit to know how it scratches at one’s insides.

“I wasn’t joking about those contacts.”

Nicky sighs. “I was worried you would say that.”

Neil’s attention keeps slipping from the game and over to Andrew, who is standing in goal and ignoring the tirade of insults being thrown his way like a statue facing down a breeze. His non-reaction only seems to stoke Thirteen’s fury, spittle catching in the mesh of his helmet as he watches Andrew knock yet another attempt away from the Foxes’ end.

Andrew spares Thirteen no more than a second of blank indifference in the face of his tirade. Then he drops his stance, shoulders setting into a silent challenge that sends a hot bolt of excitement straight Neil’s to gut. Andrew is locking down the goal.

The Terrapins don’t score again for the rest of the match.

Neil is through the doors before the final buzzer has died, charging into the crush of Foxes at centre-court to join in their celebrations. Andrew, as usual, hovers at the edge of the throng, but he accepts the clack of Neil’s racquet against his. A light sheen of sweat dances across Andrew’s forehead and his lips are parted as he regains his breath after the exertion of locking the Terrapins out.

“Did Thirteen give you trouble?”

Andrew snorts derisively despite his breathlessness. “He tried.”

Neil gets to see Thirteen up close during the handshakes. He barely grazes the tips of each Foxes’ fingers as he passes one by one, but he stops when he gets to Neil. “I remember you. You were all over the news, weren’t you? The runaway Wesninski.” His expression speaks to his delight at the revelation. To no-one’s surprise, Thirteen is a sore loser.

Andrew barely moves, just a slight adjustment to his footing so that he presses a little closer into Neil’s shoulder.

Neil smiles. It is the kind of smile he has not had use for in some time. “Looking for an autograph?”

Thirteen snorts. “Bet you think you’re real bad. Bet you think those scars make you look tough. Too bad you’re still a puny little bitch.”

Neil flexes his hand before clenching it into a fist. “I do think I’m real bad, actually. Want to find out why?”

The striker waits for the hit to come. Neil doesn’t give him the satisfaction; the guy is a piece of shit, but he isn’t worth the trouble he’s clearly looking for. Neil drops his hands, meets his gaze, and waits for him to give up on getting his reaction and leave.

Most of the other players are moving off to their own respective sides, and their stand-off is beginning to attract attention. Kevin squints over at them, and at his side, Aaron pulls off his helmet.

“Oh shit. Twins.” Thirteen’s gaze swings from Aaron to Andrew, flashing with sudden recognition. “I remember you too.” His expression turns sharkish. “Now that was a story. So, which one is the murderer, and which is the brother-fucker?”

Andrew barely twitches. Neil’s reaction is less restrained.

It’s almost a play-by-play of decking Riko at the Winter Banquet.  The key difference between that punch and this one is hours of training with a borderline-professional boxer.

Neil squares his stance, draws back his fist, and puts his whole body behind the punch. He’s rewarded with the sickening crack of a nose breaking and a hot spurt of blood splattering his knuckles.

Thirteen staggers back, shock registering for a second before he spits blood at the floor. He’s swaying on his feet, but there’s still fight in his eyes.

Andrew’s hands go to his sheaths, but Neil waves him back. He wipes the hand bloodied by Thirteen’s face across his jaw unthinkingly, feels the wet, red heat clinging to his skin. “Hey. This one’s mine.” The smile he tacks onto the words is toothier than he means it to be. With blood still smeared across his chin, he can only imagine how he looks.

Andrew’s hand judders to a halt at the hems of his armbands. His jaw is clenched tight but roaring over the current of concern is something far darker. It creeps into his eyes, a weight to his gaze normally only visible in the privacy of their bedroom. Andrew’s gaze runs the length of Neil’s body before coming to rest on Neil’s mouth. His bottom lip catches momentarily in his teeth as he nods.

Thirteen’s first swing hits, and a burst of blood dances across Neil’s tongue as his lip is split open. Thirteen’s luck ends there; Neil blocks his second punch with a move Matt taught him the day before. He drives his free hand into Thirteen’s solar plexus, knocking the air from him.

Neil doesn’t get much time to appreciate how the striker falls on his ass as they’re rushed by teammates and officials who break them apart.

Neil stands placidly before Wymack and bears his row with the bare minimum of decorum. The lecture is undercut by Nicky, who’s expression alternates between elation, amusement and mock disapproval from moment to moment. Matt, at least, waits until Wymack is finished before applauding.

“I’ll give you some notes later, but all things considered it was a solid right hook.”

Neil brushes the team’s reactions off as best he can; he certainly didn’t do it for their recognition.

He takes his time showering, watching with a strange, sick pleasure as he rinses the striker’s blood away. It turns pink in the shower basin before swirling at last down the drain. Beneath the blood, Neil’s knuckles have begun to bruise, satisfaction burning them blue.

It’s at these times that Neil worries that he may have inherited too much from his father; the temper, the violence, the bloodlust. Then again, they all served as tools to his survival at one point or another. The key difference between Neil and his father is who they choose to turn their anger on. Neil’s father always set his sights on the underdog. Neil prefers to punch up.

No; if there’s one thing Nathan gave him, it was a distaste for bullies.

There’s a familiar tap at the door to Neil’s stall. The rest of the Foxes cleared out some time ago, still rowdy from the post-match high. Tonight was a home game; most of the team will be halfway back to Fox tower already, thinking only of booze and the weekend stretching ahead of them. There’s only one player who would have any reason to linger.

Andrew steps under the spray, his hair is plastered to his head by the steamy drizzle. He holds his hand out, and Neil offers his without question for Andrew’s inspection.

Andrew’s voice is dispassionate as he inspects the damage. “I don’t need a knight in shining armour. Nor for you to fight my battles for me.”

“The fight was for my own satisfaction. But I’ll stop if you want me to.”

Once again, Andrew presses his lips to Neil’s raw knuckles. The contact stings, sweet and savoury, pleasure and pain. “Would it kill you to make life easy for once?” The words tingle against the tender skin.

“I thought you liked to watch me fight.”

“Just because I find your stupidity entertaining doesn’t mean I encourage it.”

“It’s my stupidity you like, is it?”

“What else do you have?” Andrew’s eyes track the rivulets of water snaking down Neil’s neck.

“I’m sure I can think of a few things.” Neil says. Then, for clarity, “Yes or no?”

“Yes.” Andrew doesn’t let go of Neil’s hand, thumb running across the reddening knuckles once more before leading it to his chest. Neil leaves it resting there, marvelling at the colours bleeding between them under the shower’s onslaught, pink and brown and red and blue. Andrew soon tires of Neil’s staring, and is the first to bridge the gap between them.

Neil once compared Andrew’s kisses to a fight with their lives on the line. Countless kisses later, this fact has not changed in the slightest. Andrew leaves a bruising trail of kisses across Neil’s neck until he can’t remember which marks are from Exy and which are from Andrew. They all sting the same, sweet way.

Each kiss pressed to his mouth carries a metallic tang from Neil’s burst lip. He can tell from the fierce pressure of Andrew’s mouth against his that Andrew can taste it too, is feeding off the adrenaline rush just as Neil is. He catches Neil’s bottom lip between his teeth and with it sucks a groan from deep in Neil’s chest.

Andrew draws back to level him with an unimpressed look. “You’re far too into this.”

“You’re one to talk.” Neil raises his hand to Andrew’s eyeline, wiggling his fingers. Andrew’s eyes catch on the blooming violet patches. “You like this. Admit it.”

Andrew steps forward until his cheek brushes Neil’s fingers. Neil turns his hand automatically, cupping Andrew’s face.

“Yes,” says Andrew. His eyes stay on Neil’s, even as Neil’s hand drops lower.

It’s a small miracle, Neil thinks, that Andrew can trust Neil’s hands on him, after all he knows they are capable of. Maybe that’s part of the appeal, the evidence painted into Neil’s knuckles that Neil’s gentler touches are reserved for Andrew and Andrew alone. It’s strange that Andrew should love Neil’s fighting spirit as much as he does. After all, it was Andrew who taught Neil how to stand and fight in the first place.

It’s a fact that neither will ever let the other forget.

Neil leaves the shower sporting several more bruises than he entered with. Some are from Exy, some are from fighting, and some are from Andrew’s mouth.

He loves them all just the same.

 * Thanks for reading, let me know what you think! Still open to prompts etc.

[heywritersblock]

countdown: S.M

shawn’s team think that he and his touring manager are perfect for each other. they’re tired of listening to them bicker and argue (as entertaining as that might be), so they take matters into their own hands.

“here’s an intervention. for the next 24 hours, you two will be cuffed together. you can bicker to your heart’s content, fight it out for all we care, but maybe in that time you’ll realise how fucking perfect you two are for each other. now pull your shit together and let’s get on this flight.”

~18K words

“you absolutely don’t need another pack of those. i feel like i’m a sheepdog trying to herd you to where you need to be. fucking hurry up,” you whisper shout, trying your best not to draw the attention of other people in the airport who are trying to mind their own business.

shawn’s stood in front of you in the little newsagent store he bounded into a couple of minutes previously, gathering more candy and snacks in his large arms than he’s ever going to need on a three hour flight.

he grins childishly at your clear annoyance and purposely picks up another pack of the cheetos you told him he didn’t need and balances it precariously on top of the pile in his arms.

“shawn, i’m serious. get a fucking move on - you’re becoming a security risk. we need to get to the gate. andrew’s texted three times already to ask if i’ve lost you.”

“text back and tell him yes - see what he says. do you think he’d want peanut m&ms or chocolate? can you ask him?”

“no! i can’t ask him! you’ve got enough snacks for three days, let alone three hours so let’s move it along,” you huff, frantically texting andrew back to tell him, no you haven’t lost shawn but it could be arranged and yes, you’ll be there in the next five minutes. you’re pulled out of your distraction by shawn’s voice. he’s speaking into his phone, setting off again to walk up the tiny aisle of the newsagent.

“hey andrew, y/n was rude and wouldn’t ask you so do you want peanut or chocolate m&ms?” your nostrils flare in annoyance and you grasp your phone tightly in your hands. he’s the superstar – you would 100% be fired if you hurt him. he spins to walk towards you, reaching the m&ms next to you and saying into his phone, “hmm, let me see. yeah! they do have crispy ones!”

he turns to you, brown eyes wide and reminiscent of a puppy’s and says, “y/n, can you add crispy m&ms to my pile?”

your top lip curls and you take a deep breath. plastering a false grin on your face, you grab a packet of the candy and hurl them onto the top of the pile with a little more force than necessary. the slight oof noise that escapes shawn’s mouth gives you a small sense of victory.

“yeah, we’ve got them. i’ll just pay for these and then we’ll be at the gate.” he’s nodding into the phone, so large that he’s blocking the aisle so you can’t move past him. “yeah dude, she’s got that angry puppy look on her face. i’d better wrap this up before she bites,” he says, smirking as he sees you lick the front of your teeth, trying every trick in the book not to rise to his provoking. “alright man, see you soon.”

he pockets his phone into his tight black jeans and spins to move towards the cashier’s desk. flashing the young worker a devastating smile, he drops the pile of snacks onto the counter in front of him, apologising profusely for knocking one of them over the edge. the girl is clearly charmed by him - whether she recognises him as international superstar shawn mendes or just a boyishly handsome guy in her store – and she melts under his gaze.

she quickly begins ringing up his total, packing all of the snacks into plastic bags. he grins at you when she passes you rather than him one of the bags to hold while she continues packing. he’s waiting to see your reaction, wondering if this is the action that’s going to tip you over the edge but there’s no way you’re giving him the satisfaction. you send back a sweet but sarcastic smile and his grin widens, rolling his eyes dramatically with a sigh and taking the bag off you immediately. he might enjoy being an ass to you but he’s still a gentleman.

he quickly pays for his snacks – pointedly ignoring your eyeroll when you see the total – and generously poses for a quick selfie with the girl behind the counter. ah, international superstar shawn mendes it was. you send her a warm smile and hot foot it out of the store, pausing just outside the entrance for shawn to catch up.

“ok, so we’re looking for gate 42A. it should just be down here,” you say, mostly to yourself. your job is to be organised and talking to yourself is one strategy you use to get all of the shit you need to get done completed.

“hey, can you hold these for a sec? i need to pee,” shawn says from behind you. you hadn’t even noticed he’d stopped but you look up at the sign above his head that indicates there’s a bathroom. you sigh but hold your hands out to grab the bags from his hands. he mutters a quiet but grateful, “thanks,” and then dashes through the door to the men’s.

you squint further down the airport and you can just about make out a sign that indicates your gate and you instantly feel a little calmer. nearly there. one of the other crew members spots you and stands up to wave. you raise the lighter of the two bags in the air to signify i’ve seen you and i’ll be there soon and also can you believe this asshole? more of the team notice you and look your way and you can see clear signs of laughter despite them being right down the way. you spot the security team waving sheepishly at you and, with the bag still raised in the air, offer them a swift showing of your middle finger. you hear their laughter echo down to you.

you know they felt bad for you after they gave into shawn’s wishes for you to accompany him the store rather than them. he’d sweet talked them into it by telling them that they work so hard and he’s so grateful for them and the least he could was let them have a couple of minutes rest while he grabbed some snacks. they refused to let him go alone and just at that moment, you’d walked back up to the group from the information board to inform everyone of your gate number.

shawn had looked at you and announced, “y/n will come with me. right, y/n?”

“no, y/n will not go with you, wherever it is you’re wanting to go,” you stated, causing the other crew members to stifle laughs at your deadpan response. the dynamic between you and shawn never failed to entertain the other team members.

“i was just telling the guys that they deserve a little rest. i just want to grab a snack from the store down there. don’t you think they deserve a rest? please, y/n?” he whispered the last part, popping out his bottom lip as if he was pouting.

you looked around the group of people all looking in your direction and sighed, already having made your decision. “ok, fine, go rest!” you ordered the exhausted team before turning to shawn, pointing your finger at him so he knew you weren’t completely giving in to him. “you’ve got two minutes in this store, mendes,” you muttered, palming off your carry on bag to the security team and doing a quick head count to make sure everyone was there.

a hand grabs at the two bags you’re still holding outside of the bathroom and makes you jump at first before a familiar voice whispers, “woah, it’s only me,” before whipping the bags out of your hands. he holds them both in one hand and makes it look effortless.

“ready?” you ask him, setting off without waiting for his reply. he follows you without question, chattering in your ear about how dope the futuristic hand dryers were in the bathroom. you tune him out as you approach the rest of the team, shooting them telling looks of how your experience has been. you walk through them to plonk yourself on a seat on the outskirts of the group, grabbing your carry on from the floor on the way. you purposely leave the seat all the way in the centre of the group for shawn.

“we come in peace! we bring snacks!” shawn shouts, a little louder than he probably should have if he’s not wanting to draw attention to himself and he winces when most of the team shush him. “sorry. well, i bring snacks,” he says, showing off the two bags in his hand by holding them up by his head. “y/n was being a negative nancy and didn’t want to bring extra cheetos.” you roll your eyes at the dramatic gasps of the crew around you and pull your phone out to check the schedule of the day so far.

you could hear shawn doling out snacks like he was ellen degeneres offering up concert tickets so you used the time send off a quick email enquiring if the pyro technicians had fixed the fault from the night before, or if new strobes needed to be sourced before shawn’s next show in two nights. a body plonked down in the chair beside you, rustling a plastic bag that managed to distract you from your work. you huffed out a small sigh and placed your right arm on the arm rest between the chairs, resting your head on your hand to try and block out the incessant rustling noise.

“here,” shawn’s voice mutters at the side of you. from around the barrier of your arm, he launches a pack of candy at you. “they’re your favourite, right?” he asks, rooting in the bag again.

you nod silently at him before whispering, “yeah. thanks, shawn.”

“no worries. also got you this,” he adds, trailing an ice cold bottle of water up your arm to make you shriek with the freezing temperature before leaning it against his thigh on the chair. the crew around you howl with laughter and you can hear shawn’s giggles at the side of you. he screws the empty plastic bags up and pops them in his backpack, then settles back into the seat. you shove your arm onto the arm rest again before he can claim it for his own, and reassume your position of arm up, head resting on your hand, blocking out the little shit superstar at the side of you.

a crew member from in front of you asks how long it will be until you all board the flight and you answer, “should only be ten minutes now, bub,” quietly, just in case shawn gets any ideas about any other adventures he might want to go on.

without moving your head, you cast your gaze to your right and out of the corner of your eye, you see that shawn’s fully involved in a game on his phone. you mentally recheck your carry on packing list and breathe out a small sigh of relief when you remember packing your phone charger. you know for sure that shawn will have packed his in his checked luggage, and the last thing a stressed tour manager needs is a bored superstar who’s phone has died.

your phone vibrates in your hand to signify an email reply has come through, so you quickly open it up to read the reply. you feel shawn’s arm leaning against yours on the armrest and, focused more on the email rather than your incessant need to not let him win, you shuffle your arm closer to your body so you’ve both got room. you tap out a response with your left hand (your right hand is still occupied by holding up your head) and out of the corner of your eye again, you see that shawn’s in a mirror position to you on your right. head resting on his left hand that’s propped on the arm rest, phone grasped in his right hand.

you’re just finishing off your email when you notice whispered giggling around you. you glance your eyes up from your phone and frown when more than ten heads of the crew that were facing your way suddenly whip around to pretend they’re concentrating on the departure board. dismissing it as the crew just being their strange selves, you re-read the email thanking the pyro team for sorting the issue so promptly. you’re just about to hit send when a cold, metal feeling locks around your right wrist that’s propped on the arm rest. you jump a little in your seat, more than ready to give shawn a piece of your mind for messing with that water bottle again when you feel a tugging sensation.

guffaws of laughter echo out into the fairly quiet airport and you see crew members resting on each other to try and keep their cries of hilarity in. a very sheepish jake from security creeps back around from behind where you and shawn are sat and can’t quite hold in the giggles at the confused look on your face and the downright shocked look on shawn’s. you turn to him to find out what the fuck is going on but you see that his gaze is fixed onto your wrist. you follow the path of his eyeline and feel your own eyes almost bulge out of their sockets when you see silver handcuffs locked around your right wrist, connecting you to shawn’s left. you pull your arm away from the arm rest forcefully, wincing at shawn’s muffled ouch as his arm comes flying with it.

the tour manager, problem solving, how-do-i-get-us-out-of-this-shit part of your brain is in overdrive and the laughter around you seems to get louder as the crew who are so familiar with you know this. your eyes sprint around from your wrist, to shawn’s, to shawn’s frozen face, to the crew and then back.

you quickly consider who’s done this and why that might be, then formulate a plan. OK, play it cool. laugh it off, tell them how funny they are and then they’ll unlock you.

“ok, very funny, guys! i get it! attach me to this little shit for the day ha ha,” you joke, trying to keep your voice light hearted and ignoring the insulted hey from shawn at the name you called him. “truly, you’re all comedy geniuses. now unlock us so we can get on our flight in five minutes.”

“hmm, i’m not sure we can do that, y/n,” a crew member says, dissolving into laughter before his full sentence is even out.

“i agree with john,” a sound tech pipes up. “we’re nearly at the end of the american leg of this tour and we think it’s our duty to get you two to get along,” he explains.

“ahh yes, and the way to do that is to cuff us together,” mutters shawn from beside you. he keeps tugging on the cuffs as if he can jiggle them to unlock and it’s pulling on the bone that sticks out of your wrist.

“you see guys, we think that all of this bickering is a front,” andrew says calmly from a couple of seats across from you.

you blink at him a couple of times and you can feel shawn frozen next to you. you’re pretty sure the looks on your faces mirror each other judging from how hard the crew are trying to suppress their laughter.

“we think that you two are made for each other. we think that you’re complete asses to each other – and only each other – to avoid your true feelings. and as much as we enjoy watching it, we’re all a little tired of waiting for something to happen. the sweepstake on when you two will actually get together is coming to an end and i’ve already lost $100 because of you, so here’s an intervention. for the next 24 hours, you two will be cuffed together. you can bicker to your heart’s content, fight it out for all we care, but maybe in that time you’ll realise how fucking perfect you two are for each other. now pull your shit together and let’s get on this flight,” he commands and everyone stands immediately – the power of a manager, eh?

the crew are obnoxiously high fiving each other and patting each other on the back but you and shawn are stood in stunned silence. you automatically follow the rest of the group to the queue that’s formed to board the plane, picking up your carry on bag with your left hand.

you feel like your brain needs resetting to help you digest the honest words that andrew has just spoken to you both. made for each other? perfect? what the fuck are they seeing that you’re not?

andrew shouts your name from up front of the group and you realise you’ve got a job to do to get all of these people from one state to the next, so you pull your head out of your ass and remember to breathe again. you pull your carry on bag up to rest on the crook of your elbow after you’ve grabbed the group’s boarding passes from the front pocket.

you mutter a quiet yet stern, “stay here,” to shawn as you try to move your body past his to get to the front of the queue where andrew is standing. you can hear him shouting your name again so you shout, “here! coming!” and then the odd, “excuse me, sorry,” to the people who you’re having to move past. you can feel yourself getting frustrated that people aren’t moving out of the way quick enough and that must be why this process is taking far too long.

you can see the top of andrew’s head now and your entire focus is on getting there and handing over the crew’s boarding passes so you can get on this fucking plane. you feel a large body tumbling into your back as you finally reach the front and you spin around. shawn’s stood directly behind you, looking at you apologetically for accidentally stumbling into you. he’s always been a little clumsy.

“did i not tell you to stay there?” you hiss through your teeth. the last thing you need right now is him breathing down your neck as you try and do your job properly.

he raises his eyebrow at you in disbelief and then holds up your connected hands right in front of your face. your eyes widen and then shut in embarrassment.

“sorry, y/n, i must have forgotten to put on my super stretch arms today,” he replies sarcastically, jangling his wrist so yours moves too.

he sees that you’re getting a little overwhelmed – he knows how much this job means to you and how much of a perfectionist you are (it’s why they hired you for fuck’s sake) – so he pulls your connected hands down out of your face and whispers, “hey. it’s cool. just some stupid joke, right? come on, we’re up next,” before jostling your shoulder a little to turn you around to face the airline staff member.

as you deal with the twenty plus boarding passes that you’re responsible for, you can hear shawn and andrew whispering in hisses behind you. you’re too busy paying attention to the lady scanning all of your passes to hear exactly what they’re saying, but you catch shawn mutter, “too far, man. that was a private conversation and you’ve pushed it too far.”

the lady confirms you’re all ready to board and hands you back the passes. your heavy carry on bag drops from the crook of your left elbow down and you grab it with your left hand. you reach your right hand up to grab the awaiting passes but your hand is being tugged back on.

your turn around to look at shawn and see him locked in a glaring battle with his manager. the lady behind the desk is looking at you bizarrely, clearly wondering why you haven’t taken the passes from her yet, so you say shawn’s name, interrupting the unspoken disagreement that he and andrew are locked in on.

he’s a little startled when you speak, but he looks directly at you and says, “sorry. what’s up?”

“i need my hand,” you whisper awkwardly, tugging on it to finally reach and grab the passes.

“thanks,” you mutter to the lady, blatantly ignoring her locked gaze on the handcuffs joining you and shawn together.

he repeats, “thanks,” after you, offering her a flash of his smile before he gives you a gentle shove towards the jetway.

you’re both striding towards the plane when you hear him mumble, “jesus christ, i hope she doesn’t recognise me. she’s going to think i’m some sort of BDSM worshipper.”

for the first time that day, you feel an amused laugh bubble out of you. the following tug on your wrist as he trips against what appears to be only air wipes the smile clean off. only 23 hours and 30 minutes left.

you make shawn stand with you outside of the plane until you count every member of the crew you’re responsible for through the door. you lose count once but shawn helps you by reminding you what number you were on. you’re unsure whether to trust him immediately, but his small shrug when he notices that you’re looking at him unconvinced encourages you to believe him. when you’re happy that everyone is accounted for, you both step on board and make your way to your seats. he definitely eye rolls behind your back when you start to count everyone again on your way down the aisle, just to be sure.

you reach your seats and see one of the lighting technicians is stood in the aisle, looking pretty amused with the crew’s prank still. you plaster a smile on your face – don’t show them you’re bothered - and ask, “what’s up, pete?”

“uh, i need to swap seats with you, y/n.”

“what? why? what’s wrong with yours? let me go and find the –“

“um, no – nothing’s wrong. it’s just that you two have to sit together,” he smiles. no, no. that bastard is definitely smirking.

“oh.” you reply in defeat. why did that not occur to you? you’re meant to be running this shit. “yeah, ok. i’m in 15D,” you say and move into the side to let him pass. you definitely don’t almost trip him as he whispers, “have fun,” when he moves past you.

shawn crowds up against you to make you move into your seats – 19A and B – grabbing your carry on from you and shoving it into the over head compartment one handed. rationally, you know that shouldn’t irritate you but you definitely feel a spark of heat that you label as annoyance in your stomach. he pushes against your body with one of his gigantic legs to slot you both into the seats so you’re not blocking the aisle for any longer than you really need to.

he plonks himself down into the aisle seat and fiddles with the seatbelt buckle behind him that’s he’s managed to sit on.

when he sees that you’re still standing, he tugs gently at the cuffs to get your attention and says, “sit down,” with a puzzled look on his face.

“i have to sit on the aisle,” you say, voice monotone.

“ha! yeah, good luck with that!” he says, wiggling the cuff again. shit, he’s right. if you sit here, you’re stuck by the window because you’re on his left hand side.

“we need to switch with someone on the other side of the plane,” you say, just about to clamber over him and shout the name of the roadie who’s already fast asleep, despite sitting down on the plane a mere 5 minutes ago.

“y/n, sit down. please. it’s only a 3 hour flight. if you need to get up just let me know. it’s cool,” he says and strangely, you find yourself collapsing into your seat. it seems as though he’s a little taken aback as well, expecting you to put up much more of a fight.

you both buckle in and you stare resolutely out of the window, absolutely not making eye contact with any of this fucking crew. you know it’s totally ridiculous, but you feel tears pricking at your eyes as the plane begins to taxi backwards. you’re a control freak – you have to be in charge, you have to be able to do exactly what you want and you have to be able to plan every move. it’s how you battle your way through simple everyday life and it’s what makes you the fucking best at your job. in one simple prank, the team have completely removed that power from you. you feel as though all of your weaknesses are vulnerable and on show, and you turn your head further towards the window to subtly wipe away a stray tear.

your brain also takes this moment to acknowledge that you fucking hate flying, despite it being a massive part of this job. it also reminds you that one of the ways you cope with that fear is by sitting in the fucking aisle seat. you can feel your heart rate picking up and your breath becoming shallower as the plane pauses on the runway before take off. this and the landing is the worst part – the rest you can just about manage. that aisle seat makes you feel like you have the tiniest sense of control and that’s the opposite of how you feel right now. you feel the handcuff tugging on your wrist as you rest your right cuffed hand on your stomach to try and calm your breathing. you ignore it the first time, trying desperately to regain control of your breaths, but when it tugs again, you turn your head to face shawn and spit, “cut. it. out.” straight at him.

brown, doe eyes widen at your response – he was only trying to loosen his seatbelt a little – and he sees your eyes close as the plane sets off, picking up speed down the runway. he sits as still as he can, unsure what to do right now, but his eyes remain fixed on you. he sees your head lean back against the chair and your chest move up and down in fits of shallow breaths. when he sees a single tear escape your eye, he can’t sit back any longer.

as slowly as possible - trying his very best not to tug anymore on your wrist - he shuffles his body closer to the arm rest separating your seats. he leans his left arm over it, giving you enough slack on the cuffs to rest your hand against your stomach like you wanted to before. he sees your furrowed brow smooth slightly at the comforting contact of your own hand, but it quickly creases again as the plane lifts off the ground. your chest moves up and down even faster so he leans in – careful not to touch you – and rests his head on the seat near yours. he takes in a deep breath and exhales it loudly, making sure you can hear him over the noise of the plane’s engines. he repeats this – in, out, in, out – until he can see the rhythm of your chest mirror his breaths. you sniffle quietly after finally feeling like you can breathe a little more before opening your eyes slowly. you wince at the bright sunlight streaming through the window and turn your head away from it. you weren’t prepared for shawn to be quite so close to you, eyes locked on yours with concern written on his face.

“you good?” he whispers quietly, not wanting to make too loud of a noise to falter the rhythm of your breathing.

“think so,” you whisper back. “fucking hate take off,” you say, feeling like you have to offer some him sort of explanation.

“i didn’t know that. i’ve never seen you freak about it before,” he says honestly, still maintaining his quiet volume.

“i have my coping methods usually,” you shake your head, dropping it back onto the head rest and closing your eyes again. you can feel the plane levelling out and it makes you feel a little calmer instantly.

“aisle seat?” he questions after a few moments, your earlier conversation clearly coming back to him.

“hmm?”

“you like the aisle seat. it makes you feel more in control of the whole take off and landing shit,” he explains.

you open your eyes and look directly at him. his head is sideways to his body, looking right at you and waiting patiently for your response. his chin is almost resting on his shoulder and although it doesn’t look like the most comfortable of positions, he looks surprisingly relaxed. the golden rays of the sunlight gloss over him, making his porcelain skin glow with a filter instagrammers only wish they could replicate.

you nod slowly in response to what he analysed and respond, “exactly that. thanks for helping – y’know – get my shit back together.”

he smiles at that, “no problem. you help me get my shit together every minute on this tour. nice to return the favour once in a while,” he grins. he’s quiet for a few moments, before sensing your discomfort at how honest you’ve been with him for the first time since you started working with him. he hates knowing that you feel that way, so he asks suddenly, “hey, can i try one of those pieces of candy you like? connor said i’m eating it all wrong.”

you let out a surprised laugh at how random his question is and you roll your eyes before passing him the packet from your hoodie pocket. he tugs your wrist back over the arm rest as he attempts to open it with his teeth, mumbling a quick, “oops, sorry,” when he notices your glare, although he doesn’t comment on how it has much less intensity now.

with the rustling sound at the side of you that you never thought you would label as comforting, you allow your eyes to fall closed and sleep to encompass you. 23 hours left to go.

your eyes open slowly what feels like ten minutes later, but according to your phone when you pull it out of your pocket, it’s been a good hour and a half. you register that the plane is mostly quiet at your end, and you see pablo (one of the roadies) stood in the aisle, rummaging in the overhead locker for his carry on and throwing his headphones down onto his empty seat. he meets your eye as he moves to sit back down and he sends you a friendly wave. you lift your arm to return it but immediately feel an unfamiliar weight attached to it.

right. the cuffs. in your blissful state of sleep, you’d forgotten all about them. you’re quite impressed to see that shawn’s lifted up the arm rest separating you both so you can rest your cuffed hands comfortably on the edge of your seat. obviously you won’t tell him that, though. his head is facing the aisle, resting on his shoulder at a funny angle and you know his neck is going to have a serious kink in it when he wakes up. you consider giving him a shove now to wake him up so you don’t have to deal with his whining later on, but you decide against it.

you rest your head back on your headrest and close your eyes, trying your very best to aim for sleep again when your eyes ping open. shit. this must be what woke you up in the first place. you have to pee.

you grab for your phone again, counting down the exact minutes until you’re on the ground so you don’t have to pee in the tiny aeroplane bathroom but the urge burns stronger. you mentally curse your body out for not playing ball with you and then you beat yourself up for not going to the bathroom when shawn did earlier in the airport. you’re considering that this is your karma for not waking shawn up to protect him from the crick in his neck and you shake your head in despair.

you try to ignore the sensation but when you glance down in between you and shawn, you see the water bottle he gave you earlier propped up against your hip. it’s half full and the swishing of the water against your hip is making the feeling worse. you decide this is all shawn’s fault – if he hadn’t bought you that water, you definitely wouldn’t need to pee – and so you give his shoulder a quick shove.

clearly, you’re stronger than you think as he grips onto the armrest on the aisle for dear life and frantically he looks at his surroundings, alarmed. he glances at you immediately when he hears you huff out a laugh, and then settles back into his seat, closing his eyes again. you repeat your movement to his shoulder, a little softer this time.

“what is it?” he growls.

“shawn, i have to pee,” you state honestly. no point in beating around the bush about it.

he mumbles sleepily, “just climb over. i’m tired,” before snuffling his nose in a way that you are not allowing yourself to call cute.

“dude,” you state, waiting for him to realise. he cracks his left eye open to stare at you as understanding dawns when he too feels the movement on his wrist.

he huffs out a sigh, muttering, “fine, let’s go,” before hauling you up to your feet as he stands. he lets you step up the aisle first and you spend a minute or so whisper bickering about whether you’re closer to the front bathroom or the bathroom in the middle of the plane. the gazes of your crew are turning to look at you and they’re laughing - oh they’re laughing alright.

not wanting to give them anymore entertainment than they deserve, you mumble, “fine, middle bathroom it is. now go, before i pee myself,” and give him a shove down the plane.

when you reach the bathroom. he leans on the wall beside the door and says, “be quick, i wanna go back to sleep,” before ruffling his hair with his hand. it makes part of it stick out but you’re not going to tell him, karma be damned.

you step inside the small bathroom and turn to close the door, rolling your eyes at your own stupidity as you fling it back open.

“jesus, that was quick,” shawn says as he sees your face pop out.

you decide to ignore his unfunny joke and tug his wrist towards you. “can you stand there please? i obviously can’t close or lock the door.”

without argument, he steps forward to block the door with his large body, shielding you from the view of any poor passengers who happen to be witnessing this shambles.

as you step inside again, pleased that your dignity won’t be exposed to everyone and their mother, you step towards the toilet, frowning when your arm won’t quite extend as far as it needs to to allow you to sit on it.

“um,” you say out loud, as if it will help that problem solving part of your brain work a little quicker.

shawn obviously hears you, calling out over his shoulder, “what’s up?”

“dude, i can’t reach.”

“what? what do you mean you –“

you pull open the bathroom door and he peeks inside, face falling as he sees the problem.

“what the fuck? why is the toilet so far back?”

“i know, right? the world is fucking with us. shawn, i really have to pee,” you say, adding on the end part desperately. you grit your teeth together and bounce from one leg to the other to really convey your point.

“ok, ok. stop, i’m familiar with the ‘i need to pee’ dance – i’ve got a sister, remember?” he says as he steps into the bathroom with you. the top of his coiffed hair touches the ceiling and you can’t help but smile when you hear him mutter, “they could have compromised a little on the length for a little more ceiling height,” before he turns around to face the door, locking it in place. his left arm is extended so you can get the length that you need to actually reach the toilet this time.

before you sit down, you check he’s giving you your privacy, smiling to yourself again when you see he’s facing the door with his eyes closed. he shakes his wrist impatiently at you, mumbling, “come on! hurry up! this is weird.”

part of you wants to make him wait for a long time, just like he did to you in the store earlier, but the other parts of you a) really need to pee, and b) think this is just as weird as he does.

you try your best to be quick, letting out an involuntary sigh of relief when you finally begin to pee. you notice his face crumple into laughter when he hears this and he lets out a loud guffaw. his laugh is infectious and the awkwardness of the situation adds to the hilarity, leaving the two of you in stitches.

“come on! now i need to go!” he says when he hears you stand up, flushing the toilet.

“hang on, let me just wash my hands. move – i can’t reach – just. ok, stop! you move backwards, let me get around here,” you organise, trying your best to navigate his giant body in this tiny space. you wash and dry your hands quickly, before extending your right hand back so he can use the bathroom too.

he tugs your cuff back more than you did and when you make a noise of protest, he explains, “i have to turn the other way! i need more slack,” as you hear him unzip his jeans.

“shawn, i swear to god you better be using your other hand,” you threaten lowly as giggles burst out of him again. you hear the toilet flush and he holds both hands in the air as he tries to move around you to the sink.

you end up stood against the door as he dries off his hands, pouting when he sees that his hair isn’t perfect. it won’t quite merge back with the rest of his hair and, unwilling to spend any more time than necessary in this bathroom, you shove your free hand under the tap to wet it and then slick down the curl that’s not behaving. he glances at you in the mirror, nodding his thanks before turning and unlocking the door behind you. he doesn’t realise your full body weight is rested on it so he has to act quickly to stop you from falling fully into the gentleman waiting to use the bathroom behind you.

a puzzled look falls on the man’s face when he sees both you and shawn emerge from the bathroom, that quickly turns to a smirk.

alarm bells ring in your head and you feel the need to explain, “nope – absolutely not what you’re thinking.” you yank your adjoined wrists up into the air and continue, “we’ve been pranked. get your mind out of the gut-“ you can’t quite finish your sentence as shawn is shoving you up the aisle back to your seats, whispering at you to not cause a scene.

“he was looking at us like we were fucking in the bathroom, shawn! of course i had to put him straight,” you hiss at him as you fall back into your seats.

“i know, but you’re never going to see this man again in your life. it doesn’t matter what he thinks,” he tries to rationalise with you.

“but what if he recognised you? what if he spreads that across the internet? oh my god what if-“ you’re stopped by his free right hand coming over your left one.

“breathe. calm down. the dude was like 70, he has no idea who i am. you need to relax,” he murmurs before settling himself back into his seat, rebuckling his seatbelt because shawn likes to follow all of the rules apart from the ones that you set him.

you huff and try and get more comfortable, ignoring the knowing grins of the crew members over the seats in front. you pull your phone from your hoodie pocket and check the time. only 21 hours and 42 minutes before you’re free.

shawn’s sprawled out on the seat at the side of you, wrist connected to yours and laid casually on the edge of your seat, long legs folded in a rather peculiar way and taking up most of your leg room. you’re just about to nudge his knee with yours to get him to move his legs out of your space when the seatbelt light pings on above you. he’s listening to music from his phone, frowning when he spots that his battery power is dropping by the minute. you watch his face fall deep in thought and you see the moment he realises his charger is packed in his hold luggage. ripping his headphones out of his ears with a huff, he swipes all of his apps up in a desperate effort to save battery. you’re weighing up whether to let him sweat about it a little longer or to tell him that your charger is in your carry on and he’s welcome to use it when you get off the plane when the pilot’s voice crackles through the speakers to signal you’re landing soon.

any thoughts you were going to verbalise slam to the back of your mind and you prop your head back on the headrest, taking note of how your breathing should sound and feel. if you take control of it now, it’s easier to retain it when your panic really sets in – coping strategies, you recognise.

your eyes aren’t closed yet but they are focused straight ahead on the furthest seatbelt sign you can see. the flight attendants are moving up and down the aisles preparing for the landing and you vaguely hear them speaking to shawn.

you feel him shuffle a little at the side of you, pulling in his mile long legs and sitting up a further in his seat, before reaching between the two of you to pull down the arm rest. he moves it slowly with his right hand, carefully gripping your wrist connected to his with his left, lifting it up and then placing it on the arm rest as he locks it in place. he shuffles in his seatbelt, loosening it to move closer to you as you still keep your gaze fixed on that glowing light at the front of the plane. he unceremoniously knocks your arm off the rest in between you to lay his arm on it – something you’re about to give him a pointed glare for until you realise what he’s doing.

his arm with the cuff on it is dangling over your lap, allowing you to manipulate the chain joining you together as much as you need. you lift your hand onto your stomach to feel your breaths, noting that you definitely feel calmer than earlier so you’re gifting yourself a win with that one. you feel shawn’s shoulder lean softly against yours and you subconsciously tilt your head towards him, listening carefully for his breathing pattern. still counting your breaths in and out, you hear him whisper, “do you want me to talk to you or do you need quiet?” “um, you can talk if you’d like. it sometimes distracts me from –“ you gesture wildly at the plane with your hand, wincing when shawn’s arm goes flying up with yours too. he laughs softly, waving off your apology.

he begins chatting quietly but incessantly in your ear about the album he was just listening to, the movie he watched in his hotel room last night after he was refused entry from the bar you all went to, mindless tales of his life that somehow make the half hour until landing speed by.

he’s mid way through explaining his opinion on why wolverine is the hands down the best superhero when the wheels of the plane hit the tarmac. you were so focused on listening to him talk, on hearing about his thoughts on random topics, you didn’t realise you were so close to the ground. the sudden jolt makes you grab the hand that’s dangling over the arm rest in panic, gripping it tightly as you snap your eyes shut.

he laughs softly at the side of you, turning his hand in yours to intertwine your fingers so you can get a proper grip of his hand. “keep breathing in, out, in, out. that’s it, there you go. hey, you’ve done it. we’re down.” he laughs to himself when you shake your head at him and then he replies, “look out of the window if you don’t believe me.”

you feel the plane physically come to a halt and you peel one eye open to peek out of the window. you blow out a relieved breath when you see tarmac, green fields and an airport parked in front of you. resting your head against the window and closing your eyes again, you say a silent thanks to whatever being has helped you land safely – one of your traditions each time you land.

you feel a tug on your hand rather than your wrist this time and you open your eyes to see your fingers intertwined with shawn’s in your lap. your face heats up immediately and you feel absolutely mortified that he’s seen you like this, at your most vulnerable, and you instantly loosen your grip and pull your hand away from his.

he stands up and steps into the aisle, reaching into the overhead locker to grab your carry on that he places in his empty seat. he sees you fussing with your phone and the arm rest and pretty much anything else you can to avoid his eye contact. the door opens and the crew begin to climb out of their seats and disembark the plane. when you stand up to grab your carry on, shawn whips it out from your grip and holds it in his right hand, left arm tugging at you to follow him. you make it out onto the plane jet way to the airport and he walks beside you, arm close but not touching.

“good job on there,” he says sincerely, not direct enough for anyone else to understand but specific enough to make your heart skip a beat. you send him a warm, appreciative smile, not knowing exactly what to say to him in response.

you show him your appreciation a little later when you’re all crashed in baggage claim. usually, you’re right up at the front, directing people to where their luggage is and yelling out names when you spot suitcases on the carousel. this time however, shawn collapses onto the floor, back resting on a wall in the middle of the crew. andrew takes pity on your weary glare at him and tells you that he’s got this and orders you to sit down.

feeling annoyed that you can’t complete your job properly, you begrudgingly slide down the wall and land ungracefully on the dirty airport floor. you see shawn pull his phone out of his pocket, sigh and slide it back into his jeans. you think of how great he was on that landing with you and feelings of gratefulness blossom in you. you reach into your carry on that’s been abandoned at the side of your feet and rummage around until you find the wire and plug that you’re searching for. pulling it swiftly out of your bag, you dump your charger into shawn’s lap, stifling a smile when he whispers, “yes! you’re the best, y/n,” quietly enough that the others can’t hear him.

you sneak a peek at his phone as he plugs it in and read the time quickly. after a fast bit of math, you realise that there’s about 20 hours left. maybe it won’t be as bad as you thought. you force yourself to turn away from him and check how the baggage claim is going, plastering a bored look onto your face. you wouldn’t want the crew to think their plan was working already.

ok, update? the plan was not fucking working and you were super naïve to think it was. you’re sat squashed up to shawn in the back of a blacked out car on the way to the hotel. he’s currently belting out the lyrics to an old 80s rock number, riffing his vocals up and down and air guitarring to his heart’s content. usually, this would have annoyed you, but when your wrist is strapped to an avid air guitar fanatic? that shit will drive you crazy.

the more you tell him to stop, the funnier he and the rest of the crew in the car find it, rocking out even harder and asking the driver to turn the music even louder.

you lift up your left hand that’s not connected to shawn and put it to your temple to rub at it, trying to diffuse the tension that’s built there.

dinner was an interesting experience to say the least. everyone had been so hungry that the group decision had been made to stop off at a restaurant en route to the hotel, despite your insistence that everyone checks into the hotel first, then gets dinner. you’d been outvoted, so, swallowing your pride, you’d called the restaurant that everyone had chosen to let them know you were on your way, an almost thirty strong team complete with sleepy tour crew and ravenous popstar.

you’d ordered a spaghetti dish, not really sure what else to choose and shawn had scoffed when he saw your dish come out from the kitchen.

you sent a warning glare at him, but you were unable to not react when he laughed as the waiter put down your dish. “is there a problem, shawn?”

“no problem at all,” he laughed. “you’re right handed, eh? can’t wait to see you eat that with these on,” he explained, wiggling his wrist so the cuffs made a metallic clanging sound.

you looked blankly at him, a little confused about what he meant but you weren’t going to tell him that. “thanks for the concern, but i’m sure i’ll manage,” you said, waiting for everyone to receive their meals before you dived in.

you picked up your fork with your left hand and passed it to your cuffed right one, just as shawn picked up his fork in his left. he made a move to cut his steak as you tried to twirl your fork in your pasta dish. ah, now you see what he meant. helplessly, you made eye contact with him and you both laughed before looking back at your dishes, trying to work out what to do.

“y/n, if you just give me two seconds, i’ll cut this up and then i won’t need that hand,” he suggested. exhausted from the day so far, you threw your fork onto the table and offered your arm to him so he could cut up his meal without stress. you refused to meet the eyes of the crew members around you and ate your meal as quickly as possible.

shawn seemed to forget that you were still joined together as he animatedly told a story to some of the crew and launched his hands widely, knocking over your drink in the process. you stood up quickly to avoid the steady stream dripping down the table and snatched the napkin he offered you out of his hand to try and blot the diet coke out of your pant leg.

dinner was wrapped up pretty quickly after that, so here you were, crushed into a van with a headache, a damp leg and a hyperactive superstar strapped to your wrist.

you check the time on your phone and you calculate that there’s only about 18 hours left in this nightmare. you try to comfort yourself in that you’ve all made it to the next city safely, there’s no more flights tomorrow and at least you’ve all eaten for the night. the worst has happened, right?

wrong. your forehead is pressed against the marble hotel check in desk in despair and the poor man who is trying to check the crew in is not quite sure what to do. he looks uncertainly to shawn who is stood beside you, looking just as confused at your dramatic reaction.

he prods you in the side once and he feels relieved when you lift up your head. you rest both hands on the top of the reception desk to bury your face in them, giving no thought to that fact poor shawn’s arm is hanging in mid air. you take three deep intakes of breath and force yourself to smile, accept the collection of room keys and thank the staff member for his prompt check in before andrew comes to check what’s going on.

“it’s not a big deal,” shawn mumbles at the side of you when you both turn to walk back to the group. he’s trying to be reassuring which you appreciate, but it’s just the worst end to the worst day.

you feel twenty plus pairs of eyes on you both as you round the corner into the reception room where the crew were waiting, giggling grins written all over their faces – it’s clear they’ve worked out what prompted your exaggerated reaction. they take one look at your murderous glare and not one of them dare say anything. cowards, you think yourself before you start handing out room keys, relaying the information about breakfast and housekeeping.

you pile into the elevators in groups, luggage already been taken to your rooms by the porters. you’re in the last group having made sure that everyone was happy with their room assignments and you plaster yourself against the mirrored wall of the elevator with a sigh as you all clamber in.

you hear one of the guitar techs ask, “hey, shawn, what number are you man?” and you can hear the teasing in his voice.

you silently plead with shawn not to tell him, not to give him what he wants, glaring at the back of his head when he answers, “221, dude,” straight away.

the guitar tech turns to you, not hiding his smirk very well at all when he asks, “what about you, y/n? what room at you in?”

the smirk on his face drops when you counter back, “wouldn’t you like to know, will,” shoving past him and walking down the corridor to find room 221 when the elevator doors slide open.

you hear the joking hooting calls of the crew behind you when you use the key to open the door and tug shawn by the wrist in the room, slamming the heavy door shut behind him.

“this is the worst day of my life,” you say into the room, to nobody in particular.

“what? why? this room is awesome,” shawn says from directly behind you, looking over the top of your head at the modern, glossy white furnishings of the room, king sized bed facing an enormous tv. giant, floor-to-ceiling length windows are directly next to the bed, the glow of the night time city lights blurring through the thin curtains pressed against the glass.

“no, shawn, i’m not saying this is the worst day of my life because of the room.”

“oh, i was gonna say; i knew you had high standards but woah,” he says as he kicks off his shoes and shoves them to the side of the little hallway so you don’t trip. he moves further into the room which means so do you and he turns on the tv, flicking through channels before settling on an old re-run of law and order. he’s perched on the end of the bed, bouncing a little to test its comfort as you stand in front of it, rubbing your forehead vigorously to try and release the tension.

“headache?” he asks, turning the volume on the tv right down when you answer with a small nod.

“just wanna go to sleep, to be honest with you,” you say and then look at the bed.

he turns around from where he’s sat to stare at it too, as if its going to start speaking to you both and tell you how to get out of this mess.

shawn rubs his hand on the back of his neck and mumbles softly, “i mean, we’re going to have to share,” as he shakes the cuffs, just in case you’d forgotten. you hadn’t. “we can build a little wall with the pillows and i’m sure i can find a blanket if you don’t want to share th-“

you hold the hand that was rubbing your forehead up to stop him and you shake your head. “it’s fine, shawn. thanks, i appreciate you trying to make me feel comfortable – i really do – but even though you’re an ass to me most of the time, i trust you. we’re both pretty much going to pass out anyway, right?”

“right,” he agrees, looking a little relieved that you obviously feel comfortable around him, pointedly ignoring the comment about him being an ass.

he lets the room go quiet for a moment, obediently following you to the two suitcases propped up on small tables in the hallway. you unlock his first and then yours, unzipping it to find your underwear, pjs and toiletry bag right on top where you’d left them. perfect planning, you smile to yourself, trying to hold in an unsurprised giggle as shawn unzips his luggage to uncover utter chaos. he rifles through unfolded clothes to grab a shirt and sweatpants to sleep in, then his bag full of toiletries.

“yeah, yeah – we can’t all be as organised as you,” he says in response to your giggles but his tone is light and teasing, clearly unoffended by your laughter. the light atmosphere between the two of you is refreshing, and it makes you feel a little less bad about the situation you’ve been pushed into.

“so, can i make the worst day of your life even worse?” he asks, grinning at you as you groan.

“sure, go ahead; have at it; do your worst!” you joke, racking your brain to consider what he could say.

he pauses, considering whether to be tactful or direct, then states, “i need to shower.”

he guffaws out a laugh as you dramatically lean against your suitcase and pretend to sob. “fucking hell,” you mutter, before trying to reason with him. “ok, we’ve literally got less than 18 hours left; you can wait that long, surely.”

“i can’t! i stink!” he replies.

“you really don’t!” you say, sniffing the air around him to prove your point which makes him laugh again.

“ok, but i will. i have to!” he whines. “i shower every night before i sleep. please, y/n? we’ll figure out a way just like the bathroom on the plane,” he pleads, puppy dog eyes and childish pout in full effect.

you reason in your head your possible options; he’s probably right – you’ll both need to shower either tonight or in the morning. you’re probably better getting it out of the way tonight and then forgetting about it for the rest of your life. you sigh again, pushing up off the luggage and striding towards the bathroom with your pile of clothes. you tug at his wrist that’s connected to yours and say, “fine. but put that bottom lip away, it works on no-one.”

you pointedly ignore him when you hear him petulantly whisper, “clearly works on you,” as he walks past you and closes the bathroom door behind you. less than 18 hours, you remind yourself.

“that’s perfect! we are a bunch of geniuses!” he triumphantly yells, high fiving both of your hands in the air and then wincing at the metal string connecting you both clinks against his wrist bone.

you’d fashioned a privacy screen on the glass shower with rows of towels and steamed the bathroom up enough that all of the mirrored surfaces had turned translucent. you’d shook hands to create a deal that showers would be quick, a towel would be waiting and eyes would remained closed at all time.

“let’s get this shit done,” you mumble, unable to help your laugh at his sarcastic reply of, “that’s the spirit!” before he shucks off his tight jeans.

“shawn!” you screech, whipping yourself around to face the door and squeezing your eyes closed. “you have to give me some warning!”

“oops, sorry,” he states sincerely, apologising again when he almost loses his balance peeling off his socks and drags you down with him. “although i’m sure a glimpse of my leg won’t lead you to having to burn your eyes out.”

“you never know…” you mutter, smiling when his laugh echoes around the tiled walls of the bathroom. he realises that he can’t actualy take his shirt off – the cuff is blocking it – so he slides his shirt over his head, over the cuffs and rests it on your shoulder so it doesn’t get wet whilst he’s in the shower.

“ok, clothes are sort of off. task one was a success! we make a great team,” he says and you ignore the sudden heat that’s covered the back of your neck at the thought of a naked shawn behind you.

“if you take like, three steps back you should be at the edge of the shower – woah, that’s it. if you stop there, i should probably be able to reach. ah, perfect!” he narrates his thoughts like this a lot, you notice, and you smile at how similar to yourself that is.

he’s still going, telling you every precise move he’s about to make when your voice cuts through the bathroom to say, “shawn, man. i trust you. now get a fucking move on, my arm’s at a funny angle here.”

you hear him laugh again as you jiggle your arm around the shower screen to prove your point, and then reply with a short, “yes ma’am.” you absolutely know he’s saluting you with his free hand right now and you hate that you’re so confident in that. you also hate that that visual has lead to another one of him in the shower that you absolutely cannot let happen.

shawn’s apparently the type of guy that even when he’s trying to be quick in the shower, is still very thorough. he hums to every song that pops into his head and you think that if you weren’t stood in here, awkwardly waiting for him to hurry, he’d be singing his heart out. you feel a little sad that you’re missing that, but then the shower switches off suddenly.

“ok, i’m done,” he updates you. “can i have the –“ he’s interrupted as you lean as far back as you can and grab a towel from where two of them are resting on the sink, thrusting it through to him without turning around. he wraps the towel around his waist and then carefully climbs out of the shower, smiling when he sees your eyes are still firmly closed.

“woah, your arm is soaked,” he says from beside you, looking at the arm that’s connected to him. you open your eyes slowly as he tuts at the water droplets on the handcuffs and lifts the bottom of his towel up to pat it dry. “don’t want any rust,” he explains when he sees you staring at him blankly. “your turn,” he says without making any effort to dry himself off.

“do you not want to –“ you begin, gesturing at his wet body instead of finishing your sentence.

“and get all wet again? nah, i’ll wait. ok, let me turn around,” he says as he does just that. you peek around at him and see that he’s slapped his free hand over his eyes as double protection – you know he’s done that so you feel comfortable which makes you smile to yourself. you slide his t-shirt back onto his arm, ignoring the fact it’s probably going to be damp by the time he puts it on properly.

the red flush just above his jaw is present already from the heat of the shower, but you can’t help but notice how it grows when he hears you unzip your jeans and pull them down. you lift off your hoodie and shirt and repeat his earlier movement, sliding it over the cuffs and up his arm, using his already slightly damp t-shirt to ensure your clothes don’t get wet. you’re left in your underwear and you feel awkward about which to take off first. you take a deep breath and slide your free hand around your back to try and unclip your bra one handed, grinning in triumph as it unhooks. oh shit, you’re going to have to slide this onto his arm, too.

“uh, shawn?”

“yeah?”

“um, i have to put my bra on your shoulder, too. is that ok?”

you’re not expecting the burst of laughter that bubbles out of his mouth but it’s infectious, and really works wonders to rid the situation of awkwardness.

“up next on sentences i never thought i’d hear!” he jokes, before adding, “yeah, sure. i mean, how much weirder can this day get?” before falling silent as the lace item is hung on his shoulder. you kick your matching underwear off quickly to the side.

“thanks. ok, i’m ready. three normal people steps backwards, or two shawn steps, and then we’re there. awesome. i’ll be quick!” you say, powering up the shower before shawn can respond.

you almost throw yourself under the hot spray just so you can blame the heated flush covering your body on that scalding water, rather than the intimate situation you’ve unwillingly found yourself in. you wash quickly, wincing when the complementary shampoo bottle from the hotel slips through your hands and shawn forgets that he’s meant to have his eyes closed as he spins around at the loud noise. fortunately, he catches himself before he can see anything, and the steamy bathroom helps obscure his view, but you still can’t help the giggles that escape your lips at the mortified look on his face afterwards, free hand slapped over his eyes and head shaking in embarrassment.

you quickly rinse off the remainder of your shampoo and skip the conditioner, knowing full well that you’ll regret it in the morning but your one arm aches from working overtime to do the job of two of them. maybe you need to start joining shawn and the boys in the gym for arm day? that thought disappears almost as quickly as it came when you switch the shower off, met with the silence of the bathroom. the final drips of the shower head sound like a heartbeat in the room, speeding up as the last few droplets fall.

“i’m done,” you whisper, smiling gratefully at shawn even though his head is still facing the door as he immediately hands you a large, white bath towel, right hand covering his eyes. you wrap it around yourself, securing it by tucking in the front just above your chest and you step out of the shower.

“uh, i guess we should get dressed?” you say as you notice shawn stood there like a statue, towel wrapped a little looser than looks secure on his waist.

“i think that’s a good idea,” he responds, spreading his right hand so he can peek through his fingers at you, removing it completely when he sees that you’re decently covered. he turns to look at the two piles of clothes resting on either side of the large sink and then asks, “so, uh, how do you want to do this?”

you take in his pile of sweat shorts, shirt and underwear, and then yours of a sleep shirt, underwear and bed shorts and smile again at how similar you are. you make a mental note to put your folded shirt back in your suitcase as it’s clearly of no use to you while you’re still connected to shawn.

“um, how about one by one? eyes closed, facing away, quick as we can?” you suggest and he quickly agrees, both too tired to argue. you go first at his insistence, blushing furiously as you slip the bra off his shoulder and fasten it back on, mumbling about how much it’s going to suck sleeping in it.

“we could cut it off?” he mumbles, genuinely trying to be a help, and then lets out a startled laugh as you shove him lightly on the back, muttering about how expensive that thing was. you slip your shirt and then hoodie back over the cuff, up your arm and then over your head, skin feeling sticky with the warmth of the towel you’ve still not taken off yet and the two layers of clothes.

you pick the clean black panties off the sink and clasp them firmly in your left hand, trying to work out the logistics of putting them on one handed. shawn seems to sense your pause and turns to the side so his arm is closer to you, on an easier angle to manipulate, keeping his head firmly tilted towards the door to give you your privacy.

“uh, could you sort of bend down with me –“ you request, shocked when he immediately acquiesces without bickering. “thanks – ok, then back up?” finally dropping the towel now you were covered, you politely ask him to repeat it again for your sleep shorts, letting out a sigh of relief when you were fully clothed.

“ok, your turn,” you say, shuffling around him to take his place in facing the door, squeezing your eyes closed and desperately playing that scene with the singing from step brothers in your mind to distract you from the naked rockstar who’s getting dressed behind you.

a couple of minutes later, a flustered yet fully clothed shawn stood in front of you, giving you the all clear to open your eyes. he’s clad in his old t-shirt that he’s had on all day, and sweat shorts, kicking his towel into the shower to get it out of his way and apologising with a laugh for when he got his underwear a bit twisted when he was trying to get them on.

“that was the most pressured getting dressed for bed i’ve ever encountered,” he says, turning towards the sink and grabbing the toothbrush from his toiletry bag.

“i agree!” you say, grabbing yours from the case you keep it in. “i will never take having two hands for granted ever again.”

he offers you a squidge of his toothpaste and you take it, too exhausted to put in the effort to get yours from your toiletry bag. side by side, both of you silently brush your teeth, making eye contact in the mirror when shawn wipes the steam away with the palm of his hand.

it’s intimate, you realise, getting ready for bed with someone next to you. this is a side to you that no-one’s ever seen before, you think to yourself. you’re good at one nights, not committed relationships where domesticity comes as a given. to give yourself to one person like that? it takes away that control that you desperately need to function. it’s just not made for someone like you.

you continue your routine, smiling involuntarily each time you catch his eye in the mirror and he sends you a grin or a funny face. it’s easy, you note, this part. it’s like you’re working together towards the same goal and a strange feeling settles in your stomach when you realise shit, we make a pretty good team when we want to.

you both spit into the sink, sending him another shove along with an exaggerated eye roll when he almost accidentally spits onto your hand that’s reaching for the tap. it hits you suddenly when he passes you the towel he’s just used so you can wipe the wet from your mouth that the feeling of domestic calmness is actually kind of nice.

another awkward bathroom break later, you’re padding out of the bathroom, switching off the lights and pulling the door closed, sighing at the feeling of ice cold air conditioning dancing over your exposed skin. you pause to relish the feeling of being stood right under the fan, stumbling forward when shawn keeps walking, clearly forgetting that you’re still connected to him. he’s heading straight for the bed, wanting nothing more right now than to be cradled by snuggly white sheets as he drifts into sleep. it jolts him from his focus when you slam ungracefully into his side, but when he pieces together what’s just happened he simply smiles dorkily as if to say whoops!

you right yourself and stand beside him, arm tilted crookedly at a strange angle as shawn stands with his hands on his hips, looking intently at the bed in front of you. it’s large – a king, definitely – and looks plush and cosy. you feel your eyes close in anticipation of what it’s going to feel like to finally sleep in when shawn’s quiet voice interrupts.

“you’re gonna have to be on the left side. is that ok?” he asks, eyes locked on you now, scanning your face for your true reaction. you wonder if there’s any point in answering verbally, because with the way his forehead relaxes after he assesses your face, he seems to know your answer.

you figure he probably needs verbal confirmation, so you say, “that’s fine. it’s my regular side anyway.”

his face blossoms into a grin at your response and you assume that he’s probably just happy you’re not going to have a fit about it like the aisle seat incident on the plane. he starts to clamber onto the bed and shuffle over to his side of the bed on his knees, and when he drops down on his back – your arm pulled awkwardly as you carefully climb on – he says, “what a team we’re turning out to be.”

you smile in reply, not really sure what to say to that, and he understands that he needs to clarify. “i’m a right side of the bed type of guy. we’re like yin and yang,” he explains as he snuggles himself down into the fluffy pillows.

you shove at his side to get him to lift up his hips so you can pull the covers over you both, purely so you don’t need to reply to him. he’s tired, he’s no idea of the weight of what he’s saying, you tell yourself, andrew’s honest words still echoing around the back of your mind from earlier.

you begin to lay down in the bed and he bats one of your plump pillows down for you with your joined hands when it puffs up at the side of your head, almost suffocating you. you sigh in relief at the thought that you’ve made it this far and it’s finally time to sleep when your eyes jolt open.

“shawn.”

“hmm?” he says, dozing already and not opening his eyes as he speaks.

“dude, the tv’s still on.”

“ok,” he replies, smacks his lips together and then makes no move to do anything about it.

you lift the wrist that’s joined to his and give it a violent shake to disturb him, smiling to yourself when you see his eyes open reluctantly and glare at the ceiling.

“the remote is on your side,” you explain. he blinks once, then twice, before huffing out a breath and reaching blindly for where he threw it earlier onto the nightstand. it takes him a few fumbles to reach it because he’s refusing to lift his head from the pillow, but he eventually succeeds. he lets out a silent cheer for himself, raising both hands in the air in celebration – along with your joined wrist - before throwing the remote to the end of the bed. his eyes close again immediately and you admire his devotion to sleep for a second before mirroring his position.

a couple of minutes pass, the only sound flooding the room is the air conditioning filter blowing and deep breaths from the two of you when you hear shawn fidgeting at the side of you. he turns onto his left side, joined arms laying in the gap between you on the mattress and sighs. you blatantly ignore him and continue trying to fall asleep until he sighs again, purposely moving your wrist to wake you.

“what?” you ask as you turn your head on your pillow to face him with a glare.

he at least has the decency to look sheepish and his flushed cheeks glow pink next to the crisp, white bed linen. you look at the ceiling as you await his reply so you don’t have the chance to think about how objectively beautiful this man is.

“the lights,” he says, offering no further explanation.

“they’re amazing, aren’t they? if it wasn’t for thomas edison, we’d still be rocking the candles,” you say sarcastically.

he smiles into his pillow so you can’t see but then whines, “no! the lights are still on.”

“ok,” you say, purposefully repeating his earlier reply but not able to keep a straight face.

“i turned off the tv, it’s your turn to get the lights,” he tries to reason.

you lift your head to look to your side of the bed and see there are no switches, so you lay your head back down before delivering the news. “it’s on you dude, the switches are at your side.” you can’t hide the roar of laughter that comes after shawn’s groan, as if you’ve just told him he needs to walk barefoot over hot lava.

he flings himself backwards with another groan, and then tugs on your arm so he can roll onto his right hand side. you end up pulled half way across the bed so he can reach the controls, grin spread fully across your lips as you hear him smash every switch, lights around the room flickering on and off. eventually, he flops himself down face first into the pillow after he’s pressed every switch but the main lights in the room still remain on.

your eyes hone in on a main panel of light switches near the bathroom door and you tug on his handcuffed wrist. he groans in response.

“shawn. it’s over there,” you say quietly. you feel his pain – you’re both so tired.

“you do it,” he grumbles, refused to move his head from the pillow.

“ha! nice try. we come as a pair,” you explain and give the chain between you both a loud jangle. he flips onto his back, turning his head to look at you with a defeated look. you stare at each other for more than thirty seconds before you direct your gaze to the light switches and then back to him. he nods wordlessly and both of you sit up, quietly climbing off the bed and you wait for him to step down before setting off to the light switch. the sleeves of your hoodie have slipped over your free hand and make a dull noise as your palm hits against each light switch until the room plunges into darkness.

you’re just about to turn back towards where you think the bed is when shawn sleepily mumbles right next to you, “i’m lifting my hand for a high five right now but you can’t see me.”

you’re happy he can’t see your grin in the darkness and reply, “well i’m high fiving you back. don’t fall over anything on our way back,” you warn.

“aw, you care about me,” he retorts, obediently following you, warm against your back as you feel about for the bed close by.

“no, just don’t want you to injure me as you drag me down,” you joke.

“i’m offended,” he gasps, before adding, “we won’t fall. we’re a great team, remember.”

you’re finally about to reply with an agreement – its something that you can’t deny – when he spoils it by whispering, “hashtag teamwork makes the dream work,” and you’re glad you’ve found the bed so you can safely shove him onto it. his laughter sounds even more sweet in the darkness. you’re too tired to work out how many more hours you’ve got joined to him, and to be really honest, it doesn’t really matter to you right there and then.

you awake with a start to sunlight filtering through the curtains, trying desperately to jolt your brain into readiness. you’re hot in your hoodie and it’s twisted around to be under your neck, leaving it on an angle that you’re sure is going to be stiff when you finally move. ok, karma, we get it. i should’ve woken him up on the plane. let me live my life, you think to yourself.

a leg is touching yours when you shuffle slightly as you come around and your eyes open quickly when you remember who you’re sharing the bed with and - more importantly – why. he’s still fast asleep, face shoved far enough into his pillow that his mouth is slightly open. he’s breathing deeply and looks completely relaxed. you realise that it’s rare to see him so calm and you feel a little sorry for him that his life is so full of hustle and bustle. it makes you want to let him sleep a little longer, keep him safe and content like he is. it also makes you wish you’d get to see him like this again.

that thought lasts for a good fifteen seconds more until the sound that must have woken you up in the first place blares out again. you jolt in shock which appears to wake shawn up. his arm that isn’t connected to yours flails a little in the air and you find yourself dodging it as he fumbles around to try and stop the noise. it’s totally useless as the sound is coming from his phone ringing on the desk across the room but you watch him frustrated thrash for another couple of seconds.

“shawn, your phone is ringing,” you state the obvious.

“gee, thanks sherlock. where the fuck is it?” he growls, hair ruffled from where it’s dried overnight.

you sit up and rest on your elbows, eventually pointing your hand connected to him towards the desk. the movement pulls his arm out from under him where he was holding himself up and he flattens out onto the bed with very little grace, bouncing you up and down a little as the mattress ricochets with his weight.

“fucking hell,” he curses and makes a move to get up out of his side of the bed, covers thrown back in a fit of its-too-early-for-this-shit temper. he takes a step towards the ringing phone (which seems to get louder and more persistent by the second) and looks behind him confusedly when he feels a weight pulling him back.

you see the moment of recognition flash across his face when he sees the handcuffs joining you both together and you raise an eyebrow dismissively at him as he glances at you with a did we? expression. part of you is amazed by his ability to forget something that happened literally the day before and the other part of you is desperately trying to avoid the fact that this doesn’t seem to be the first time shawn’s woken up with a girl in handcuffs in his bed.

before your brain can start doing what it does best and overthink this, the phone rings out again. shawn seems to have pieced all of the previous day’s events back together as he’s woken up a little more and he glances across the room at the phone then back at you.

“team work?” he pleads, for once not pulling out the puppy dog eyes but looking desperate, like right now, you working together with him is the only way he can make it through the day.

you find yourself nodding your agreement and climbing out of the bed on his side, taking his hand as he helps you get down and allowing yourself to be pulled across the room so he can finally answer that fucking phone. you’re putting how easily you gave into him down to not being fully awake yet - that’s the only reason, honestly.

“what?” shawn greets into the phone - you hadn’t realised how grumpy he was on a morning which makes you smile; perfect pop star has his flaws too. you start to wonder just how many people get to see this side to him when he points at the digital clock next to where he’s leaning on the desk. the time reads 7:18 and your first thought is to plot a way to murder the person on the other end of the phone. your second thought is that shawn’s mouthing “only 8 hours left!” at you.

you give him an overly enthusiastic thumbs up which makes him grin, then he starts talking back into the phone. your heart feels a little duller at that realisation but you’re unsure whether that’s at the thought of not being joined to him again, or that he’s counting down the hours until he can get rid of you.

“ok man, yeah. see you soon, bye,” shawn ends his phone call, throwing his phone back onto the table with very little care which makes you wince. you turn the phone screen side up to check there’s no damage, and then pop it back down where it had landed before.

“that was andrew,” he explains, “wanted to check we hadn’t killed each other overnight.” you smile because he does. “i told him no and that we are a team now. unsurprisingly, he says he doesn’t believe me so whatever. he also said breakfast is at 8. are you down?”

“breakfast sounds incredible,” you reply, mouth already salivating over the thought of pancakes doused in syrup. maybe even a double stack after the day you’d had yesterday.

“cool. uh, we can’t go like this,” he laughs, gesturing between him and yourself still clad in sleep clothes.

“oh god, we’d better start getting ready now!” you groan defeatedly, pulling him over by your joined wrists to your suitcases still propped open in the hallway.

you’re pulling out clean jeans to wear - perfectly folded of course - as shawn rummages for his, all the while moaning that he’s going to smell disgusting all day because he has to wear the same shirt. he has the audacity to ask if you’d consider letting him shower again just to ward off the smell a little longer but the withering glare you send him is the only answer he needs.

after completing your pee ritual - one of you peeing, the other standing eyes closed, facing away, not listening - you turn away from each other and let the other person get dressed, sharing your can of deodorant with him and moving up and down, left to right to help clothes slide on easily. you brush your teeth in the mirror, shawn squeezing out his toothpaste for you again and smile warmly when you meet each other’s gaze. it’s funny how in such a short amount of time, you’ve already made such an easy routine. the thought that you wish you could experience more of this with him shocks you and you frantically lean over to spit out your toothpaste, just so you don’t have to meet his eyes again in the mirror. you have a moment of panic over this realisation and you worry that he’ll be able to see straight through you, he’ll laugh and tell everyone, then get andrew to fire you immediately. objectively, you know shawn is too good of a guy to do that, but your racing brain doesn’t pause to think of that.

desperate to distract yourself before shawn notices you’re acting weirdly, you check the time on your phone as shawn finishes up brushing his teeth and are surprised that the whole process of getting dressed has only taken you 15 minutes. you announce this to shawn and he high fives you with toothpaste dribble on his hand, wailing dramatically when you pretend to wipe it on his shirt.

“not the shirt! it’s the only one i have today! we are a team!” he yells, making you burst into laughter. he tries to make you join him in another high five but you refuse, dragging him back out the suitcases to grab your make up bag as he continues telling you why it is so important for teams to have good high fiving skills.

you sit down on the edge of the bed and unzip your make up bag between the two of you. shawn seems to realise you’re not listening to his impassioned team speech anymore and redirects his attention to the products laying in the bag. he picks up each product and reads the packaging out loud, helpfully passing them to you when you’re looking for certain items. you feel his intense eyes staring at you a couple of times, but when you look at him with a puzzled expression, he just smiles and keeps on looking anyway. you force yourself to carry on with your new audience watching, careful to keep your face neutral so he can’t read your thoughts from your facial expressions.

you shove the final product and compact mirror back into the bag, zip it up and throw it backwards on to the bed to deal with later.

“that was so sick to watch,” shawn says from beside you. he’s leaned back on his elbows and he looks almost as relaxed as he did when he was asleep this morning. your heart swells a little to know that he feels comfortable enough to be this calm around you.

“what was?”

“that make up application. i’ve never really sat and watched that before. i’m usually too busy. it’s like art. you’re really good at it,” he comments.

you shuffle uncomfortably and say, “stop being so nice. you’re weirding me out - i’m not used to it!” you joke, saying the first thing to come to mind to distract yourself from your quickening pulse rate.

“i’m always nice!” he retorts.

“to me?” you raise an eyebrow at him.

“ok, fair point. but you’re not nice back! it’s our thing!” he argues, sat up off his elbows now. his knee is touching yours and he keeps tapping it as he speaks.

“it is our thing,” you agree. “why did that become our thing?” you wonder aloud.

he hums at the side of you to let you know he’s thinking about what you’ve said, and when you turn to look at him he’s considering you. he’s got a look you’ve never really seen before on his face - a half smile, cheeks beginning to peak with that red flush but a concerned tilt etched on his eyebrows. you blink at him, giving him the time he needs to answer. you weren’t really expecting an true answer anyway, but you might as well hear what he’s got to say.

“i think there’s two reasons,” he states slowly, as if he’s picking his words very carefully.

“well do tell,” you say, turning your body to face him fully. your joined wrists clink in a reminder of why you’re sat here so close to him as you try to move your hand away.

“i think it’s because it’s fun. sure, there are lots of people i can tease, have banter with on this tour. but none of them give it back to me as good as you do.” he pauses, wondering whether to add this next part on. he looks up at your eyes and then goes for it. “i mean, don’t tell anyone because it would ruin my reputation, but i look forward to seeing you because i know you’re going to keep me on my toes. i’m so used to people giving into me but you hardly ever do. i love that,” he says honestly, adding, “but don’t ever tell any one!” jokingly onto the end.

“your secret’s safe with me,” you laugh with a wink.

he looks unsure then. ”what do you think?”

you exhale a breath, giving yourself time to gather your thoughts. you like the way he’s giving you control to agree or disagree here. he knows it’s important to you and he’s making sure you’re comfortable. it makes you feel calm and you decide you owe him an honest answer, rather than a bullshit one to stop the conversation.

“i agree with you,” you start, smiling when you see his shoulders relax. “i think it adds enjoyment to long days that can be pretty monotonous when you’re not performing. i like that we’re on a level playing field with each other and you don’t often find that. we’re pretty lucky to be able to piss each other off so royally on a daily basis, huh?”

he nods his head in agreement, devastating grin fixed onto his face. he opens his mouth to speak a few times but closes it again. he takes one look at you though and then starts to speak. it makes you smile when it looks like his mouth has started moving before his brain has had the chance to catch up.

“i think there’s another part to it, though,” he says.

“you do?”

“i do.” he pauses again, looking at you intently before swallowing twice. you watch his adam’s apple bob and he catches you watching. it seems to give him whatever signal he needed to be brave enough to speak. “i think i try my best to piss you off all the time because i think if i was nice to you, i’d never be able to stop.”

that you weren’t expecting. you sit frozen in your position, only noise in the room from the AC still blowing and from the fancy clock ticking on the wall that’s numbers are too difficult to read. he looks up at your silence and blinks at you, giving you time to respond. you look down at your joined wrists and wonder what you would do - what you would say - if you weren’t joined to him. you know you’d have run out of that door before the conversation had even begun.

shawn appears to be tapped into your thoughts and for a second you think you must have said all of that out loud when he says, “i’m so pleased you’re chained to me right now so you can’t escape and then avoid me for the rest of the tour,” he pauses again and you’re grateful he’s giving you the chance to digest all of this in these tiny breaks. a smile begins to tug at your mouth at how accurate his statement was and it seems to relax him that he hasn’t broken you. you’re shocked when you realise how you’re pleased you can’t run away too.

“ok, so, even though i’m glad that you can’t run away from me right now, i still want you to know that we don’t have to talk about this right now if you don’t want to. or ever, if that’s what you want. you’re totally in control and you can decide-“ he speaks softly, free hand making a calming motion that you’re fixated on as he talks.

that last part makes you look up at him properly - at those kind, brown eyes, red cheeks blotched with uncertainty and panic, perfect pink lips saying the exact words you need to hear - and you stop him with a hand that happens to be joined to his to his chest. he looks down at the contact and you both smile when you see his wrist dangling awkwardly at the side of yours. you slide your hand down and rest it on your thigh instead, his hand slipping down back to the mattress.

“i want to talk about it -” you assure him and you almost want to kiss him right there and then when you see a look of pure hope flood his face, followed by a boyish grin of happiness. “- but not right now, shawn.”

“that’s ok, that’s absolutely ok. that’s fine. we could maybe talk about it when we get these things off,” he suggests, wiggling the handcuffs as he mentions them and he’s talking faster with every word he says.

“shawn,” you stop him.

“sorry, sorry. god, ive been hiding this for so long and i’ve sprung this on you and i can’t stop talking please stop me from talking,” he says, eyes growing wider with each word.

“shawn, i can’t-“ you begin and his face falls. your heart falls right with it. “i - look, shawn. my job requires me to be in total control. it’s what i’m good at. i assess every situation, i plan ahead and i make sensible decisions. i’ve wanted to be a tour manager for my entire life and i struck so lucky when i landed this gig. i guess i didn’t know how lucky though.” he smiles at that, look of despair fading slightly which spurs you to carry on. “to stay good at my job and to stay true to myself, i can’t do this with you right now.” he nods, looking at his knees rather than you. his jaw moves as if he’s trying to hold in emotions. how did this morning turn into this? “i bicker with you and give as good as you give me because that’s the only way i can keep you at a distance; it’s the only way i can stay focused on my job and what i’m here to do. i owe it to you and to andrew and to myself to stay focused on that right til the end. does that make sense, shawn?” you ask him.

he’s nodding again, turning his head to look at you with a soft smile on his face. “perfect sense,” he reassures you. “so, not right now, but maybe?” he clarifies with hope in his voice.

you laugh softly, “not right now, but definitely.”

his grin returns and he lifts his hand softly to caress yours joined to his for a moment, before pulling away and rubbing both hands over his face. you lean into his shoulder so your arm doesn’t whack him in the face where it’s joined.

“so, for now? we’re normal?” he asks.

“absolutely. but i kind of like the team thing,” you confide.

“ok, so squabbling mixed with team work. that sounds fucking perfect to me,” he laughs, before adding on, “the guys won’t know what to make of that.”

“exactly - so we mess with their heads a little. just adds to the fun, no?” he’s nodding at you and he can’t seem to wipe the grin off his face. your cheeks ache a little so you know your face is mirroring his. you both feel like you’re floating, relieved that the elephant in the room has finally been discussed. you feel light, airy, full of hope. his phone pings from the desk across the room to signal a text, and he rolls his eyes when he hears it, annoyed that it’s interrupted this moment with you that’s he’s been waiting for since the second week of tour.

“why didn’t i put it in my fucking pocket?” he swears, standing up and pulling you with him to read the text. “andrew says he’s going to grab us for breakfast in 5,” he reads before tapping a quick message back. he turns to you when he’s placed his phone back down and his eyes dart around your face, taking in his view. you’re worried he’s about to say something about not being able to wait for you, so you’re more than a little confused when he says, “hey so, know how you like control so much?”

you frown at him and nod slowly, not quite sure where this is going.

“how about we put a little of that new found teamwork of ours into controlling that hair of yours?” he quips, moving out of the way of he mirror behind the desk. it was quite clear you didn’t use conditioner last night.

you guffaw with laughter. “how dare you! look at yours! looks like you’ve been dragged through a fucking hedge backwards!” you tease, shoving him playfully when he mumbles, “fucking feels like i have after being connected to you for 12 hours,” before guffawing in laughter.

when andrew knocks on the door a few minutes later, your hair is tied in a bun on the top of your head and shawn’s has a little product in it. you answer the door together and andrew looks a little surprised to see that a) you’re both ready and presentable, and b) you’re both still alive. he glances over shawn’s shoulder into the room to see if there’s any carnage and chaos to be seen in there and seems a little disappointed when it all looks normal.

“so, anything interesting happen last night?” he asks, looking you both up and down with a smirk.

shawn turns to you, shaking his head. “um, last night? hmm no, not that i can think of. nothing last night, right, y/n?”

“no, nothing last night,” you say, playing along perfectly with shawn’s game. andrew looks down right disturbed at the two of you speaking civilly to each other and two thoughts pop into your head: 1) you both really do make a fucking great team and 2) this might be even more fun than messing with shawn. from the look on shawns face as andrew turns around to stalk down the corridor towards breakfast, he’s thinking the same thing.

you forget to check the time on your phone - how long you’ve got left connected to him. thoughts of anything other than the conversation you’ve just had with shawn are shoved firmly to the back of your mind.

breakfast passes without incident, and it’s worth the inconvenience you’ve been through in the last 24 hours to see the looks of shock on the crew’s face as you and shawn help each other out at the breakfast buffet, working seamlessly together and sitting down politely at the side of each other, not a single bickering comment passed between the two of you.

“so how was last night?” one of the sound techs ask from the other side of the table, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively and gaining laughs from the others.

shawn shrugs his shoulders as he shovels in more eggs into his mouth, pausing his movements to lean further towards you so you can cut your pancakes. he wordlessly passes you more syrup when he sees that you’re running a little low for your liking. “good, slept like a baby. you?”

“oh we bet you both slept like babies,” a roadie heckles from beside you, table bursting into childish laughter at his insinuation.

your sharp glare stops them pretty quickly as shawn seems oblivious, chomping loudly on his eggs still. the noise of his chewing grates on you fast and your eyes widen in annoyance as you stare at your plate, trying your best not to tell him to stop - the crew would love that. he leans in closer to you to ask you to pass the ketchup, still chewing in your ear. you send him a glare as you pass the bottle because he knows you hate it. the cheeky grin he sends you in return with a minute raise of his eyebrows tells you that he’s doing it on purpose to get a reaction from you. your heart races now you know why he loves your banter so much.

“fucking stop it,” you growl at him, tone more for show than you being truly angry.

“stop what?” he asks, obnoxiously chewing louder.

“that. it’s like having a fucking horse chewing in my ear.”

“if you don’t like it, move,” he suggests.

“oh believe me,” you retort, “if i could, i fucking would,” as you shake your adjoined wrists, knocking the egg that he’s balanced on his fork back onto his plate with the momentum. he’s about to retort as he locks eyes with you, and you hear the guys on the table around you groan, “ah, here we go again.”

your glaring contest is interrupted by andrew scraping back his chair, rooting in his pocket and walking his way around the table to stand behind you both.

“ok, enough! we were wrong, we get it. it’s not sexual tension that’s causing this bickering, you just fucking hate each other. the sweepstake of when they get together is off, guys! it’s not happening!” he announces to the table. “give me your hands, i’ve had enough!” he commands as he grabs a hold of your wrists and fishes the key to the handcuffs out of his pocket.

just like that, you’re no longer joined. you’re unsure how you feel but the only thing that comes to mind is you didn’t even give us the full 24 hours. you smack your lips together to stop yourself from saying that out loud. you’d never hear the end of it.

you look at your now free wrist and hold it in your left hand, soothing the skin where the cuff had rubbed slightly. shawn’s doing the same thing with his wrist and you both look up at each other at the same time. andrew is still hovering over you both, awaiting some sort of reaction - probably a torrent of verbal abuse if he had to bet - but nothing comes.

you shrug, mumbling a “thanks, boss,” as you turn back to your breakfast, shawn doing the same.

“what? is that it?” andrew asks, hands on his hips, looking wildly around the table to gain the support of the other crew members.

“um, yes? thank you for detaching us. please don’t do it again,” you offer when it’s clear he wanted more of a reaction.

“what the fuck? i was expecting you both to curse me out! i was definitely expecting you to run the fuck away from each other. shit, this was the worst idea we’ve ever had,” he says, addressing the others around the table.  

“the rest of this tour will suck without that entertainment!” one of the sound technicians cries, apologising silently to shawn when he sends him a geez, thanks look across the table.

“maybe it will! but you’ve only got yourselves to blame. we’ve decided that we’re going to be a team, right, y/n?” shawn says, sitting back in his chair and swallowing his last mouthful of orange juice. you nod enthusiastically, relishing in the reactions of the crew around you.

conversations restart around you, leaving only you and shawn to start your own. he leans in closely and whispers, “hey, y/n? when does the tour end again?”

you look at him with a puzzled expression but his eyes lock on yours, and your brain immediately gets to working out the answer. “um, we’ve got about 8 more weeks in total, give or take a couple of days,” you reply.

“cool. ok, 8 weeks.” he says, devilish grin taking over his face as he stares intently at you. you can’t help but mirror his grin, but you still send him a warning look – don’t say anything stupid in front of these guys. he leans further in to you under the guise of reaching for a napkin and whispers, “do you think they’d let me in on a new sweepstake? i think i could win us some cash, don’t you?”

your heart beat races and you feel your cheeks flush with warmth at the thought of what might happen after these 8 weeks of tour. anticipation thrums through your body and you hide your face from the rest of the table by putting your head down and pretending to fiddle with your bun. shawn loves the effect that he’s had on you and you can see him thinking the same as you – these eight weeks better fucking fly by.

the countdown might have restarted, but oh, it’s still on.

so it turns out, you write one fic about shawn and then you just can’t stop :)

[prorevenge]

Be disrespectful and have annoyingly loud and vigorous sex, enjoy my reeking sardine and cooked broccoli concoction

This is a long one! Here goes...

This happened in 2015. I lived with my friend (Katie) and her younger sister (Sarah; ~18 months younger) for a year at uni. At the start of the year we had all agreed that the communal areas were to be kept clean and clutter free since it was a small flat and had a weekly cleaning roster. We also agreed that if we were going to bring any guys back to the flat, to warn the others just so we know who is coming and going for security reasons since the student area we lived in was notorious for break-ins.

Sarah became the biggest most disrespectful pain in the ass. She started off cleaning and helping out around the flat and telling us when she had guys over (there were a lot of guys she brought over), then as the months passed she stopped telling us she was bringing guys over altogether. Katie and I would wake up in the morning to random mostly naked strangers in the kitchen eating our food, using our shower or just dashing naked out of the flat holding his belongings.

Sarah stopped cleaning (argued she was cleaning when confronted), left a huge mess in the kitchen after cooking and never cleaned up, and there was a horrific odour coming from her bedroom because she never opened her window or cleaned out her personal trash (used sanitary pads and tampons would sit in her bin for a week or more). She was really unhygienic, had halitosis but never kept up oral hygiene and rarely had showers.

This next bit is when I got beyond pissed off with her. One weekend Katie was out of town, and their parents rang Sarah for a catch up around 4pm one Friday afternoon. Sarah tells them she can’t talk and that she’s got a 20% assignment due a few days later which she had to work on. 20 mins later one of her many guys comes over (she didn’t tell me prior) and she didn’t resurface while I was up - I went to bed around 10pm. I had a 35% assignment due the week following, so the next few days I’d planned to dedicate to this assignment.

That night I woke at about midnight to Sarah and her bang crashing around in the kitchen. Lots of laughing, screeching, pots and pans crashing about, tv blasting in the lounge. I was pissed, but didn’t get up to tell them to stfu (I should have in hindsight). I fell back asleep, and woke again at about 3am to them going through all the draws in the bathroom and slamming them shut. Sarah and her bang went through my personal draw and Katie’s looking for condoms “WHERE ARE THE FUCKING CONDOMS!?” he yelled. They even tried to break into Katie’s room looking for some, but Katie had locked her door and hidden her spare key (smart move). They crashed about and slammed the bedroom door and then proceeded to have loud vigorous sex for the rest of the night. No one wants to hear a headboard banging against the wall and sex noises. I had to sleep with a movie playing through headphones for the rest of the night just so I couldn’t hear them.

I got up at 6am with next to no sleep, to a filthy kitchen with food smeared on the bench, tv still on, some of my personal food missing, pots and pans left on the stove with food in them, and my belongings from my draw in the bathroom on the floor. Oh, and the front door was unlocked. I left her a shitty note outside her door calling her a rude and disrespectful bitch and that she’s not the only one who lives in the flat. I went to the library for the day and Katie said she had a good cry to her and their parents after reading my note but they didn’t care what she had to say after I’d already told them.

That night was my last straw with Sarah after months of her being a disrespectful bitch. She never apologised for that night and didn’t even clean up the tornado mess in the kitchen and lounge. Every time myself or Katie would confront her, she’d cry and say she didn’t mean it and she’s trying to be better, but nothing ever changed.

Since Sarah’s room was a pigsty (actually that’s insulting to pigs since pigs are cleaner than she is), and had a feral odour coming from her room, I went to the store and brought sardines and broccoli. I got the liquid the sardines were in (it absolutely reeked) and poured it along with blended day old cooked broccoli (and the reeky water) into a spray bottle. While Sarah was out, I went into her room and sprayed that feral concoction on her clothes that were on the floor, the “clean” clothes in the closet, in her shoes, and in her bed. I tipped the remaining offensive smelling concoction into her shampoo. I removed all evidence of the sardine concoction from the flat. Once rubbish day had been, I was in the clear. Sarah never took the flat rubbish out, so how would she know what was in the bin. Since she emptied her bin once in a blue moon, I put a sardine in her bin wrapped in some tissues and left it. Well, the fish started rotting, and the clothes and shoes reeked. Sarah being the moron that she is, didn’t empty her bin til a week after I put the sardine in there. Her room honestly I can’t even describe how bad it smelt. I came back from uni one day to Sarah crying to Katie because she couldn’t get rid of the smell. Katie got so mad and yelled at her for not cleaning and being unhygienic for literally months. Sarah had cleaned her room from top to bottom, and aired it out for weeks but the smell never left her room completely and was still in her bed sheets that she didn’t wash. When their parents came for a visit, they yelled at Sarah for smelling, her mum screamed that they didn’t raise Sarah to be so disgusting, that was music to my ears. Her [super annoying] friends stopped turning up unannounced (and at all), and guys stopped coming over too. I never expected my reeky concoction to work such wonders.

My room and the rest of the flat smelt fine, the lingering smell was just in Sarah’s own room. I was astounded that it took that sardine concoction to get Sarah to clean and air out her room, was the smell of rotting tampons not offensive enough to her?! Sarah failed her assignment and I got 91% in mine, that made me so happy. That’s the only evil thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve not told anyone what I did, but personal revenge never felt (and smelt) so good.

(source) story by (/u/peoniespinklemonade)

[irwinkitten]

carry on | m.c

requested: kinda? it’s part two of the bi!reader series. pairing: bi!reader x Michael notes: so this is part two to the bi!reader series. i’ve been working on this for the last two? three? weeks now. i had only intended to be like, 5k at most? maybe 6k at a push. but here we are, 30k words later. just a quick thank you to @burncrashbromance for setting this series in motion (you can find in love here.) i would also like to thank @glitterprincelu, @astroashtonio , and @hereforlukescruff for being personal cheerleaders when i needed them. (especially to allie as well who let me use her name, i love u soulmate #1) i want to also thank @hotmessmichael who kept reminding me that it wasn’t entirely shit. also shout out to @calumh-excess for being moral support through the last half of the fic and reminding me to take sanity breaks. love u rum auntie h. massive shout out to the rest of the girls in the nothin’ but love gc too ( @notoriouslyhood, @meetashthere, @valentinelrh, @softforcal) y’all have been my fucking rocks when i wanted to smack my head against heavy objects. 

warnings: angst, fluff, very slow burn.  word count: thirty fucking thousand words. with a couple of extra.  (30,125 words to be precise. 79 pages in google docs.)

---

“Y/N, you need to go, you’ve still got to get through security!” Her mum called out, wrapping her daughter in a tight hug.

It was going to be a long flight to LA, and she was nervous as anything.

“Promise us you’ll at least call whilst you’re out there? I’m going to miss hearing you strumming away.” At this, she laughed, a soft grin on her lips as she kissed her mother's cheek.

“I promise. Please don’t make me cry, I’ve still got to say goodbye to Allie.” At this, her mum chuckled before planting another kiss to her forehead before letting her go.

Y/N practically threw herself in her girlfriend’s arms, peppering her face in kisses, earning a laugh from Allie.

“Look at you, getting your shot in LA. I’m so damn proud of you.” And she knew that her girl was over the moon, but the tears shared between the two still spoke of the worries and sadness they felt at the distance that was about to come between them.

“I’ll text as often as possible babygirl, I promise.”

“Y/N!” She groaned at her name being called before leaning forward, pressing a soft kiss goodbye to her girlfriend.

“I love you Allie, don’t forget that.”

And then she was practically rushing away, carry on in one hand with her guitar slung over her shoulder, waving to her girl and her family.

---

The journey felt exhausting. When she’d left, it had been eight am. Yet as she landed, the time told her it was only ten am and she quickly realised today was going to be a very long one.

Managing to get an Uber to the hotel that was booked for her, she got her stuff checked in and sent the message to her mum and Allie that she had arrived safely in LA and that she was setting off to explore for the day.

‘Take care of yourself’ came from her mother. ‘Eat all the ice cream you can today and send me selfies.’ came from Allie.

Sending a quick message to one of the producers she was meeting with the next day to let them know she’d arrived safely, she didn’t expect an invite for lunch in LA.

‘That way you’ll know a friendly face when you come into the studio and maybe we can talk over some of the ideas you have. It’s handy to go in prepared when you’re recording.’

And that was what led her to a small cafe, sat in the sunshine with John Feldmann.

“How are you liking LA so far?” She shrugged.

“It’s more humid than back in Britain. I don’t know how my hair is going to survive a month whilst we get this done.” John laughed.

“You’ll adapt. You’ll miss this humidity back home, I can bet it.”

“Oh I know I will.”

“I’ve managed to get one of the more bigger studios, I remembered you putting that small spaces whilst recording weren’t ideal?” At this, she laughed.

“It’s because I like to move. I can’t stay still unless I’m sat at the piano, but even then I’m more than likely rocking out.” John joined in with the laughter.

“I think I’m going to like working with you. I had to rearrange a few schedules, but overall none were bothered by it. I think we gave a few people the lie-ins the desperately wanted.”

“As long as I haven’t inconvenienced anyone. I’m still amazed that it was my track that was picked. Like, there were so many that seemed to much better than mine.” She admitted softly and John smiled. He knew the team had picked right.

“You simply turned the camera on and went for it. No recording equipment, no overlays of other instruments. Just you and the guitar. And it was such a refreshing and catchy sound, how could we not pick you?” Her cheeks had gone as red as a tomato.

“Glad to understand how I got picked. Honestly, this is like, a dream. Like, I’m gonna wake up in five minutes and my girl is gonna give me a kiss good morning before she’s off to work and then I’m gonna roll out of bed to my own job.” At this, John laughed.

“It can kind of feel that way sometimes. Did you want to head to the studio today to check out what you’re working with? I know today was meant to be introductory and giving you a chance to settle, but I know that knowing where you’re going into will help.” She nodded in understanding.

“Actually, I like the idea of that.”

---

The studio had been beyond her wildest dreams. The mixing board alone was bigger than her usual recording space, so the actual studio was a dream to be in.

She had met a few other faces that were going to be helping her and she recognised what John was doing. He was helping her build connections away from making the actual music.

But she networked herself well, managed to get a few details and her new start felt promising. She’d heard bad things about LA, but she knew that she needed to experience every bit of it to get her feet stuck in.

The day had felt like a whirlwind but it meant that at nine pm, she passed out having barely crawled under the covers.

The next day, felt almost like another whirlwind. Because she was staying in LA for the month, there was more time in the studio and with other writers to perhaps add or help adjust the songs.

What had pained her was having to pick a list of songs, so she simply brought the entire book that held her life in its pages, her heart and soul falling into the lyrics. It would be easier for others to see her work, to see the highest and lowest moments of her life.

And that was terrifying as fuck.

She greeted John with ease and she had to stop herself from having a starstruck moment as she realised who she was writing with.

“This is Alex Gaskarth and Michael Clifford, guys, this is Y/N.” John introduced and she shook their hands, her brain kicking into high gear as they sat down in the various chairs, a small coffee table between them.

“Nice to meet you. Feldy hasn’t shut up about finding real raw talent for the last week and a half.” This made her laugh.

“I just play the guitar and sing. If people see it as talented then I’ll roll with it. But it was hard earned talent.” Michael chuckled as he shook her hand.

“Good, it gives me less of a job when it comes to producing. I’ll be one of the producers for your EP.” She felt her lips grow even wider.

“Nice to know I’m in safe hands then.”

“Shall we get started?” Alex indicated to the book sat on the coffee table, and it was only a moment of hesitation before she nodded her head and opened it, sharing her fears and joys with total strangers to find and create the right songs.

---

The writing session seemed to be successful.

Finding the right songs seemed to take a lot of time, going over the melodies she had in her head which might or might not work, the others pitching their own ideas into the creation.

They had at least agreed on six songs, especially with both Alex and Michael finding songs that they refused to budge on, saying that both had to make the final EP list.

John had watched in amusement as they argued their cases for their picks to go on the list until Y/N had rolled her eyes at both of them and added them to the list, making both men pause. John chuckled.

“Don’t worry about that last spot, the record company agreed to seven anyway, which means you can still record the cover.” He reassured her and she relaxed a little bit. That then sent the two men into a mode of writing a list of songs that would make a potential album if she were ever to do one.

“With so many songs, and so many ideas, you might as well use this opportunity to get a tracklist for a potential album and maybe some demo versions. If you get picked up by a record label, if you’re prepared, you’ll shoot straight to the top.” Alex explained and she nodded her head.

“We made that mistake when we signed with Capitol. We only had an EP that we’d produced ourselves, but there was no album music. It took us another six months before we got there and it was in between tours. We realised fast, that anything we wrote or created need to be noted down as possibilities.” Michael continued and she found herself amused but understood the help they were offering.

So they continued through the songs, creating the tracklist as if she were making an album as well.

Eventually, time ran out for that day and Y/N stretched the kinks from her back as they stood up and exchanged numbers.

“We should be able to get that first beat tracked, and if you’re cool with it, could I bring a couple of friends who could help us with the rhythm on the last few songs? I’ve got a good beat but Ash is the only person who will be able to translate what I’m trying to explain.”

“Wait, you’re asking me?” The question had fallen from her lips before her cheeks flushed in shock. “Wait, sorry, I didn’t mean for that to sound so rude---uh---the last person I tried to produce with, they just brought people in and honestly, it made me hate the song.”

Michael frowned at her words before shaking his head.

“No, no, don’t apologise. That’s why I wanted to ask your permission. You don’t just bring people in.” Her scoffed and she chuckled.

“I think I can trust you to make sure that the beats wont get lost in translation.” Almost immediately, the book was opened to a semi-fresh page, the words being written down in a margin.

The three males all laughed as she snapped the book shut.

“You’re a breath of fresh air. C’mon, I’m hungry and we need to get to know you as a person, not just this British artist who struck gold.” Alex slung an arm over her shoulder and the group left the studio.

She could feel her excitement build in her stomach in anticipation of the next four weeks.

As promised, Michael had roped in his bandmates, Calum and Ashton to help with the rhythm on a few of her songs and when Ashton managed to understand what Michael was trying to convey, she felt her heart soar as the song began to craft itself.

That was when she very quietly asked if they could re-record the song she’d lost love for.

John was immediately for it and the others couldn’t find a reason to say no, so they listened to the song.

“The tune is right, but there’s too much going on. It’s like they were trying to sabotage your work or attempt to make house music. Still figuring that out.” Ashton muttered, making her laugh .

“I think it was more sabotage than anything, but I felt that I could never release the song. They absolutely ruined the song which I loved so much and I just, didn’t know how to make it good again. But seeing you get what Michael was trying to say, I want to trust myself and my instincts and actually get across the sound I want.”

So it became another brainstorming session. Thankfully, this was a full studio day, so Ashton had her play the bare tune on the guitar, nothing else as he got a feel for the stripped back version.

Calum, as she played, plucked a few strings and suddenly this riff was born and they were all thankful that Michael had set his phone to record these sessions.

It was with relief when they’d tracked the music and Michael promised he’d work on it separately to the EP.

“Consider it a special release. It’s the one song you loved, so it gets to be a single.” He shrugged and suddenly it felt very real to her.

The time difference between her and Allie made it a pain occasionally, especially when she’d called Allie on the break they had and lost track of time to the point that one of the boys had to come out to get her, but they didn’t give her grief for it.

“It’s difficult when your loved ones are in a totally different timezone.” John had smiled after another apology fell from her lips. “We get it, so don’t fret.”

“It’s just, with this chance I’ve had, my girl went for the promotion offer they had and she managed to get it. So she wanted to call me before they headed out to celebrate.” This earned her soft smiles from the guys.

As they tracked the various parts, they began to ask Y/N questions about home which also led to questions about Allie.

“How long have you two been together?”

“We celebrate two years at the end of next month.” The grin had already worked its way onto her lips. “Doing this distance is difficult, it was bad enough when I was doing small tours as a support and she couldn’t come with me. But she’s been one of the biggest supports, even before we started dating.”

“What, so you were friends to lovers?” Alex teased and the answering grin made him laugh.

“We were. We were the real cliche couple and everyone both loved and hated us for it.” This drew laughter from the group.

“Well at least we know who to rely on for the cheesy one liners and love songs.” This earned a snort of amusement.

“Please, my love songs pale in comparison. I mean, Stella is the best love song out there.” This set the group off in laughter again as she got called up to track the guitar.

---

As the month carried on, Y/N was introduced to so many faces at various functions and small parties that the guys hosted.

They had taken her to one of the open mic nights, getting her up on the stage in front of a different crowd to see how people would react and they loved her.

Especially when Ashton streamed one of the songs on Instagram and soon her socials were gaining a lot of traction and that was when the pressure was beginning to get felt with producing the tracks.

There were both good and bad days, the good days outweighing the bad, but sometimes they used the bad days to fuel the more emotional songs and that was when things began to fall into place.

It was at the end of the month after their final day in the studio that Michael had called Y/N as she was packing.

“I know you’re probably packing up, but you’ve still got three days in LA before you fly home. The guys and I were wondering if we could have a small get together to celebrate this new born friendship in the hopes that you’ll remember us when you’re rich and famous.” This had her laughing.

“Give me a couple of hours. I’m waiting for a call from Allie. I’ll text you when I’m done, yeah?”

“Sure, I’ll pick you up from the hotel.” And before she could protest, the call was cut.

When Allie called, she found herself smiling at how soft her girl looked, settled in bed with the duvet pulled around her, tired eyes lighting up.

“Hi baby.”

They talked about the last few days of the studio, as well as how Allie was settling into her newest role. She told her about the party and that it felt strange that they’d included her in their friendship group but Allie giggled.

“You’ve got friends for life in them, I can see it. I can’t wait to have you back in my arms.”

“A few more days and I’ll be home. Listen, I know it’s getting late. Get some rest baby, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Good luck with work.”

“You’re too sweet. Love you.”

“Love you too, night.”

The call cut and she lay back on the bed for a moment, a wide smile on her lips before she finally sent a text to Michael.

‘Just got off the phone to Allie. Give me a bell when you get here.’

It was easy to find some of the nicer clothes she had for get togethers, but she knew it was going to be more relaxed. So she kept it easy with black skinny jeans and a floral print dress shirt.

Keeping it simple with her hair down and light make-up, when Michael sent her the text  to say he’d arrived, she was ready to go. Making sure she had her keycard and phone, she headed down and found Michael’s car easily.

The drive to his place had been filled with easy chatter. They talked about the chances of radio play and touring.

“To have my own tour would be the goal, but I know I need to start off as a support. Build up the fanbase and get people excited for my music before doing something like that.” Michael laughed.

“Nothing wrong with being a support. We never had the experience of being support for various acts. We got lucky with One Direction and then we were doing our own shows and having other bands support us. It was crazy.” This had made the both them them laugh as he pulled up to his place.

“I remember. I’ve been a fan of the band for a long time.” She teased him with a laugh. “Although I wouldn’t say no to being a support act for Harry Styles.”

“I don’t know whether to be amused or offended.” His lips turned into a pout as they entered his place and heads turned to greet the newcomer.

“Y/N! Nice to see you finally made it. Why is Mike pouting?”

“Because I said that I wouldn’t say no to being a support act for Harry Styles.” She deadpanned before grinning.

“Ouch. You wound us all.” Ashton clutched at his heart, making her laugh as she accepted a beer from Calum and sat down.

“Have you heard his heavenly voice? Please. I would die every night on the tour listening to him sing.”

“You’re digging the knife in here, you’ve literally got at least three other bands sat with you and you’re talking about Harry Styles.” She laughed loudly.

“C’mon, I know y’all play his album. You can’t deny the truth.”

They laughed as the conversation settled into talks of the future for the bands and the shows coming up, as well as the finished music.

“What about you, Y/N?” Her reverie broke as she looked up at Alex’s question.

“Sorry, I missed what you asked.”

“What are your plans for the future career wise?”

“Hopefully get this EP out, maybe get some bookings. I’m gonna have to do a lot of gigging to keep up my end of the rent till the EP gets released and just hope that I get picked up for a couple of tours.”

“Allie holds the nine to five job then?” Luke queried and she nodded.

“She got lucky with the company she’s with. She’s done nothing but thrive, whereas I was barely struggling through each day at my old job. This came at the right time for me, and I’m a big believer in fate.” They lifted their beers in response to that.

“Well, that’s what we also wanted you around for.” Luke began, sharing a glance with his bandmates.

“We want you to join us for the entirety of the world tour.” Michael finished and she felt her jaw drop as her mind worked out the dates and the countries.

“Holy shit, are you serious?” She sucked in a sharp breath, placing the bottle down as she ran her fingers through her hair. “Are you really fucking serious?” This earned her a few chuckles.

“Absolutely. We managed to convince our management that you’d be a good opener for the tour. And we even gave them a firm reason why you’d be a good fit for the tour.” Michael continued the explanation before tapping away at his phone.

Suddenly, familiar guitar notes began playing through the speakers and a wave of emotion flooded her, tears falling as the song she had long hated, began to play and she felt her heart swell.

“Well done, you made her cry.” John joked as she hastily wiped at the tears as the song finished and she laughed.

“You helped bring life back into a song I thought I was going to hate forever. You don’t know how much this means to me.” She finally got out and Michael beamed.

“We played it to our management and they absolutely loved it. There’s an official offer coming your way, but we wanted to be the first ones to actually ask and then congratulate you.”

“How can I say no? Oh my god you assholes!” This set off more laughter as they lifted their bottles.

“To the best fuckin’ tour and the next number one artist.” Michael chimed and she could feel her face flush at his words.

“To Y/N!” Everyone else responded and she laughed as she took a swig of beer with them, realising how fast everything was going to change now.

---

When the official offer came through the next morning, she called up Michael and just let out a shriek of excitement before he’d even greeted her.

This led him to laughing as she tried to get her words out, but only could make incoherent noises over the phone.

“That offer is a fucking dream! Michael what the hell did you four do to convince them?” Her brain and mouth had finally connected, the stunned shock wearing off as excitement began to build .

“We didn’t do anything! And good morning to you too, sunshine.” She could hear the yawn and glanced at the time.

“It’s ten am, Michael.”

“I know. In my time, that makes it like, seven am.” He muttered and she laughed.

“I have so many questions about touring though, and what I should pack. Fuck, this is going to be nine months and I’ve only toured for two weeks at most. I haven’t even told Allie yet, or my parents. What about-”

“Stop, please.” Michael whinged down the phone, making her pause her tirade. “Give me till lunch and we’ll bombard Ashton’s place for a group meeting so you know what to expect on tour.” She let out a shaky breath as she regained herself, stopping the flow of questions that were desperately trying to escape.

“Alright. I’ll hold off from telling them. Uh, would-”

“Don’t worry, I’ll pick you up. Just be ready by one.” She let out a noise of relief and Michael laughed.

“Thank you Mike, see you in a few hours.” The call was cut and her eyes returned to the contract, her eyes going over every last part of it as she tried to get it into her head that this was really going to happen.

“Holy fuck, they’re never gonna believe this.” She muttered to herself as she half flung herself on the bed before an excited squeal left her lips.

---

Michael was leaning against the car waiting for her and he grinned as she ran from the doors of the hotel, half flinging herself at him, arms winding around his neck. His arms wound around her waist as he pulled her tightly.

“Well that’s a greeting and a half.”

“You guys got me on a nine month fucking tour, majority of my merch profits staying with me and a fucking record deal. How?” She pulled back, her lips in the biggest grin he’d seen the entire trip.

“We just showed them you. It was all of your talent that did it. They were really impressed by your work ethic, you didn’t slack during the production of your EP and they think that you’ve got some serious potential. I swear to you, we didn’t even have any kind of say. We just told them that we wanted you on the tour with us. It was management who decided to put you with us for the entire tour. As your stuff gets out and people get to know who you are, they’re almost certain you’ll be performing at award shows.” He explained as the two of them got into his car.

“Please don’t tease.” She whispered in shock and he laughed.

“You’d deserve it. Those songs fucking rule. Have you talked a release date for the EP?”

“They wanted it released at the end of January but decided to release it in March, before we fly out. They want fans to have time to learn my stuff and really get excited. Fuck, if this goes in the direction that you’re telling me, I’m going to have some kind of heart attack.” Michael laughed.

“Simply speaking it into existence. Y/N is going to have a number one award winning single and album. She is also going to play at awards shows and get nominations for awards. Best newcomer definitely.” His voice grew louder and she laughed, tears in her eyes.

“That’s the dream right there.”

“It’s gonna happen.” He smirked at her before pulling into Ashton’s drive.

“Please, when you guys release your album, mine will pale in comparison.” This had the two of them grinning as they entered the house.

Despite the drive having quietened her initial excitement, she couldn’t stop herself when she spotted the guys and gave them the same reaction that Michael had received.

This earned laughter from all of them, including Alex and John who were stood away from the group. But that didn’t stop her from giving them the same treatment.

“You guys have literally made every dream come true in the last month. I don’t know how to thank you guys for it, like, this is such an opportunity and I have so many questions about touring for so long. The longest I’ve gone on a tour is two weeks, yet this is nine months, touring the world twice. Not to mention-” Michael’s hand shot out, covering her mouth and stopping her in her tracks.

Calum snapped a photo as they laughed.

“Will you relax. You’ve got the pros of touring for long periods to help you and the old timers who have their own tricks.” Luke commented, ducking away from the punch that John sent to his arm, only to find himself in a headlock with Alex.

“Watch who you call oldtimer, kid.” They seemed to collapse into the couch in a heap and whilst they playfully wrestled about, the others egging the pair on, Michael slowly moved his hand from Y/N’s lips.

“Breathe. We’re here to help you prepare for this because we recognise that it’s a big jump from doing small tours to the longest tour of your career which goes around the world twice.” She let out a breath of air before nodding and grinning at Michael as he slung his arm across her shoulders.

“Quit playing about, we have a nervous artist who is about to get chucked in with the sharks.” He called over the noise and both Luke and Alex seemed to finally still, Luke’s head now resting in Alex’s lap, making her giggle as Calum shoved Luke’s legs off the sofa and sat down.

Once they were all seated, she went over the list of questions she’d mentally prepared and found herself tapping her fingers together, the excitement and anxiety seeming to kick in.

Part of her was dreading the prep for tour.

“Equipment. They want me to have a touring band which I have no issues with. But with the kit and stuff, I don’t know what’s going to happen there.” John smiled at that.

“They’ve already got a touring band ready for you. Most artists have their own, but the label want people who are familiar with the longer tours. What will happen with your own kit, so guitar and piano as well as any extra strings and the like, they’ll get a date set up for pick up. You just need to be ready. Keep one guitar with you at least as a just in case.” He explained and Michael nudged her, nodding to his phone that was recording.

“Okay, so something more simpler. Packing. What the fuck do I pack?”

“Don’t bother with hair products. You’ll be sharing our stylist on that. For each country, pick out several stage outfits that can get packed separately. That way they’ll be taken to the venue with everything else.” Luke explained and she found herself nodding once more.

“Pack for every kind of weather. Doesn’t matter if we’re at the start of the Australian summer, the weather can be so unpredictable. Try to pack at least three cases. One for light weight summer type clothing, one for the heavier stuff, so jeans, jackets and the like. Then one for shoes, towels and necessities. It might seem a lot now, but as you’re on the road, you realise how quick you go through things.” Ashton added on and she let out a soft ‘oh’.

“This is going to seem like a lot to begin with,” Alex started, catching her attention, “but in comparison, this is a small start to the list. You’ll most likely come home with another two suitcases, which management will probably pay for so don’t fret about having to buy one on the road. You will literally be packing up the majority of your life and putting it in a suitcase to travel with you. And that’s going to be tough to do, especially with your girl waiting at home for you.”

She could feel her heart sink a little bit. Nine months away from Allie.

“I think that’s gonna be the hardest part. How do you deal with that?” Her eyes drifted to John and Alex, and the boys didn’t take offence to the slight snub.

“It takes time and patience. There are going to be days where all you’ll get are a quick five minute call because of time difference. And it’s shit. But she can always fly out for a few days on tour, or whilst we’re over in England she can come to the shows and travel with us. It’s about compromising your time. You both have super important jobs and it just means you’ve gotta work at it.” John explained and she ran her fingers through the ends of her hair, tugging slightly.

“I’m just worried. It’ll be the longest we’ve been apart.”

“It’s tough. But she’ll stand by you. But you’ve both got to talk it out, so any frustrations. Because when that builds up, that leads to arguments and then that’s when problems start happening.” Alex chimed in and she let off a soft sigh.

“Okay, so I’m guessing that’s basics of tour, what about time off?”

—

When Y/N landed back home, she’d never felt more relief flood her than the moment her arms were wrapped around Allie tightly, her lips against hers as she savoured the sweet moment of reunion.

“Hi baby.” Her voice was soft and sweet, and she felt her insides turn to mush.

“Hi. I’ve missed you.” Allie beamed, pressing another soft kiss to her girlfriend’s lips.

“Good. Your mum has already asked us to drop by for dinner tonight, so they can badger you about your time in LA. And I know you’ll be wide awake because of the time difference.” Allie teased her as they began the walk back to the car.

“Honestly, I could go on for days about how good LA was to me. Like, little old me, meeting all of the fuckin’ big wigs in the industry. I had Michael god-damn Clifford producing my EP and I formed a friendship with him? My teenage self combusted the second he shook my hand.” Allie laughed as they got her stuff into the boot of the car before they got into the car themselves.

The car journey back home from the airport was filled with Y/N prying information about their various friends whilst she’d been away as well as the promotion Allie had landed and the perks of the job.

Amidst getting the masses of washing done, and reconnecting after a month apart, it was as they lay in bed together, Allie’s finger tracing against the skin of her back that made her feel like it was a bittersweet moment.

But she couldn’t say anything just yet.

When the two had reached her mum’s place, questions came from every corner of the room it felt like, but it was when she laughed and held up her hands, she beamed at them.

“Let me tell you everything that happened. And then I have some news.”

She tried not to feel guilty at the stare that Allie gave her, recounting each moment of good, bad and downright embarrassing.

Y/N’s mum was particularly gleeful as she told them about the bigger names she’d met over there.

“My baby, all grown up with the best chance possible for her career!” This made her flush. Her mum had been one of her biggest supporters for her career choice and she could see the relief in her mum's face as she went on about the recording opportunity.

“The last day was kind of bittersweet in the studio, but the boys were so nice and even had a get together to celebrate the fact the songs were done. Michael had even fast tracked the productions of one of my very first songs.”

And she pulled her phone out, clicking play on the file that Michael had sent her a few days ago after playing it for her.

Watching the joy on her mum’s face warmed her heart, even if a few tears were shed in the process. Allie’s jaw was hanging slightly before a wide smile overtook her lips and she pressed a gentle kiss to her cheek.

“I’m so damn proud of you.”

“That brings me to the surprise.” She murmured softly, her eyes travelling to each family member before settling on Allie.

“They want me to join them on their tour.”

“For the UK portion? Oh my god that’s amazing!” Her mum was gushing but Y/N shook her head.

“They want me on their entire tour. Around the world twice.”

No one was prepared for the scream of excitement that escaped her mum before she found herself being wrapped around by her family members. Her eyes were watching as it hit Allie and she could see the excitement die down in her girlfriends face, and she felt her heart sink.

“That’s nine months.” Allie whispered and she nodded her head, pulling free from her mum’s embrace.

“It’s going to be tough, but the guys have offered ways for us to still keep in touch. You can always fly out for long weekends and of course, we have the UK tour later in the year as well.”

“That’s going to be three quarters of the year, Y/N. It’s a lot.”

“Please, can we talk about it at home? They’ve given us options, ways to keep up with each other.” Her pleas seem to break through and Allie’s lips pushed up into a smile as she draped an arm over her shoulders.

“I’m still proud of you baby.” She whispered, pressing a kiss to her temple and she relaxed.

“I love you.” Came the murmured response and they shared a soft, but sweet kiss before her mum started asking about the details of the tour.

—

When the New Year rolled in, the first single was released to the world and her voice was on chart shows across the world.

It took seven solid minutes for her to stop crying when the notifications came through along with the messages.

Michael had taken a short video of her song playing in the car and she felt like she couldn’t breathe for a moment because it was her song, a song she had hated so much but then fell in love with all over again. And it was being requested and played on American radios.

Allie was proud as punch.

They seemed to avoid the elephant in the room that was her leaving for tour in just over a month  and a half.

That was when she really began rehearsing, making sure the setlist was long enough for her time slot. It felt like the busiest days of her life, being shuttled to the big cities for radio interviews.

Her face seemed to be popping up everywhere and it felt like a dream when she received the news that she’d hit number one in thirteen countries.

That in itself had made her openly weep in the middle of her baking day with her mum as she got the news, her mum videoing and laughing at her reaction.

She posted it to her instagram with the caption ‘the moment you’re told that you’ve hit number one in thirteen countries and all you can do is cry in shock and joy.’ The reaction went viral.

Of course she then received the texts from the last producer, asking why he wasn’t getting a cut of the money from the track.

It was with great glee as she told him that it wasn’t his pile of shit on the radio. It was her song and no one else’s. She didn’t need to tell him that one of her favourite bands had helped record and produce the song.

When she received the pick up day for her equipment, that was when it was becoming very real. That was also when she convinced Allie to go clothes shopping with her for tour.

With the day creeping closer, she could feel the undercurrent that was restless between her and her girlfriend, but every time she tried to address it, Allie shut her down, seemingly ignoring the problem.

She spent as much of her free time with her friends, family and girlfriend until it was the night before and she was lay in bed, trembling from the fear of what the next nine months could bring.

A warm arm wrapped around her waist, a soft kiss being pressed against the back of her neck and she slowly relaxed herself. It would be fine.

“You’ve got this, baby. But you need some rest.” The soft whisper was enough of a plea for her to turn around and just allow herself to be held as she tried to relax enough so that she could get some sleep.

It didn’t work.

Saying goodbye this time was much more harder because Allie hadn’t been able to get the day off work to see her off. So it was a tearful goodbye between the two of them as they held each other in the doorway, Allie’s lips lingering a little bit longer before finally pulling away and smiling softly, despite her tears.

“You’ll be back over here soon enough. I love you my little rockstar. Go do what you’re best at.” By the time that Allie had left, she had to call her mum to pick her up.

Thankfully, her mum didn’t make any remarks on the tear tracks as they made their way to the airport. And once they’d checked in her bags, a weird sense of deja vu hit.

“Last time we stood here, I was going for a month. Now I’m going for nine.” She whispered and her mum held her tightly.

“You’re about to fly off and live your dream. I’m beyond proud of you for this, please don’t ever think otherwise. Now, you need to get going. You are not going to be leaving things last minute like last time.”

She laughed for the first time that day and it felt like a weight disappeared from her shoulders and she knew she’d be okay.

The flight wasn’t so bad.

She had a reasonable seat, and for the most of it, she slept. She knew she would probably regret it later, but at that point, she was beyond caring. She was so tired and the stress was sat on her shoulders.

She knew her equipment had arrived, she’d been sent the message from one of the tour crew who was already out there.

The next two weeks would be rehearsal with her touring band and then they were off on the first leg of the tour.

And that absolutely frightened her beyond belief.

She wasn’t expecting a welcome party at the airport, but she was amazed that fans were crowded around, calling her name out.

Security were quick to pull her back away from the chaos of arrivals and she could feel her adrenaline kicking in, her heart racing as she tried to comprehend that they were screaming her name. Hers.

“Ma’am we need to get you out of the airport as safely as possible. Do you have a ride waiting for you already?” She felt like a deer in headlights before the security officer lifted a hand, touching the earpiece sat in his ear.

“One of my colleagues has picked someone up who apparently says he’s partially to blame for the fans showing up. A Luke Hemmings?” Relief

“Yeah, I’m due to go on tour with his band in a couple of weeks, but I wasn’t expecting him to be here.” The guard laughed.

“It’s fine, but we need to get you both out safely. My colleague is bringing him through now.” And that was when she saw the blonde curls and laughed before throwing her arms around Luke’s tall frame.

He laughed as he pulled her into a tight hug.

“Figured you’d appreciate a familiar face. A lot of them were waiting for you, then I only added to the madness. You gonna be alright till we get out of here?”

“Gonna have to be. Can I use you a shield?” He laughed.

“Keep your hands on my shoulders and we’ll get you through. Is someone going to follow with her luggage?” The question was directed to the guard who nodded his head.

“C’mon then princess, time to face the fans and get you out of here. We’ve all been super excited to have you back.” He beamed as they began their journey.

The screams grew louder and she found herself shying away, using Luke as a shield and smiling nervously at the few fans she could see.

Once they were out of the airport and in the car, Luke took one of her trembling hands and squeezed.

“You did the worst of it. There’ll be more of us around in a couple of weeks to keep them from getting too overwhelming.” He explained and she simply nodded.

“It’s okay, it was just, wow. That’s a lot.”

“That’s America for you.” He shot back dryly, making her laugh.

“So what hotel have they stuck you in this time?”

“Uh, I don’t know. They never sent any details about that. I’m trying not to freak out about it, but like, I haven’t got that much to cover two and a bit weeks in a hotel.” Luke groaned.

“Did you call your manager?”

“Said it was being sorted. Heard nothing since.” Luke snorted before tapping away at his phone and the music died down as the ringing began to call through.

“Hemmings, you have two weeks before you need to start incessantly calling me.” A feminine voice broke through and he laughed.

“Hello to you too Luce. However I’m not calling for me. I’ve just picked up Y/N.”

“Hi Lucy.” She piped up.

“Y/N! Keely has been trying to call you, said something about Michael stepping in and saying that he could put you up for the two weeks.” She shot Luke a look and he shrugged.

“That’s cool. He say why or am I gonna have to try and find that out for myself?” She laughed.

“Said something about one of the songs for the album and it’s easier to work at his home studio and you won’t have to worry about driving around LA.”

“Cool. Thank you for letting me know. Tell Keely I say that I’m sorry I haven’t been able to answer my phone and I’ll see her next week.”

“Will do. See you next week Luke.” The call cut and he laughed as the music began to grown in volume once more.

“So, album huh?” At this he watched as her lips turned up into the widest grin.

“Alex, John and Michael helped me pick out a tracklist for a potential album. I’ve not had much time, but if we get some demos done, I can go to the record company and they’ll be able to work with the fact that I have got music coming, so they don’t need to breathe down my neck. Alex’s idea.” Luke laughed as he pulled into a drive thru.

“Why am I not surprised. What do you want? You’ve just landed, you’ve gotta be starving.”

After picking her favourites, Luke paid at her protest and smirked.

“It’s food. Shut up and deal with the fact that we do look after our friends. Also if it bugs you that much, you can just buy me dinner whilst we’re on the road.”

“A not date, considering we’re both taken then?” She teased in returned and he grinned.

“A not-date it is. Now we know where we’re going, let's get you to Michael’s to drop your gear off. I know the guys are wanting to head out but I also know that if you’re going to try and keep up,  you’re going to want to be in something that isn’t joggers and a baggy t shirt.” She pouted at the assessment.

“I won’t try to keep up, but no, I really do not need my first official night out to be photographed and I’m in my rattiest clothing pieces.” Luke snorted as they collected their food and headed back out once more.

As they pulled into Michael’s place, Luke helped her get her cases from the boot before he was leading her into the home.

“I’ve picked up a stray!” Luke yelled, making her laugh. “She’s cute and British.” He added after a second once they’d placed her bags at the bottom of the steps.

He placed his hands on her shoulder and practically frog marched her out to the back and she didn’t even get to say ‘hi’ when she was pulled into a tight hug.

“Hi Ash.” She laughed as she wrapped her arms around him in return.

“Hey yourself Y/N. Welcome back to LA, knew you wouldn’t be able to stay away.” He teased, pulling away and giving her a grin. She smirked in return.

“Just couldn’t stay away from this beautiful weather. Maybe one or two people. Go by the names of Gaskarth and Feldmann.” Calum snorted as he pulled her into another tight hug.

“I’m wounded, I didn’t even make it onto your list?” He pouted at her and she snorted.

“No, but Duke did.” This set the other boys off before Michael greeted her, his hug a lot more softer than the others, but still feeling as welcoming.

“I know I should’ve told you before you left England that you were staying with me, but I’d completely forgotten till Keely called me, yelling that she couldn’t get ahold of you. By that point, you were already well into the air.” She shook her head as she accepted a beer off Calum and sat down with them, enjoying the warmth of the LA afternoon.

“It’s fine. I’m just lucky that I’d texted Luke when I left. He decided to be my welcome committee.”

“Myself and like a hundred and more fans.” He shot back with a grin.

“That was strange. Especially when they were calling my name, like that felt so surreal. I didn’t really know what to do with myself.” They descended into laughter as she finished off the food that she and Luke had picked up on the way there.

The boys were discussing the various countries and Y/N could feel herself nodding off against Calum’s shoulder, the beer and warmth not helping her jet lag at all.

“C’mon Y/N. You need to get ready if we want to be out at a reasonable time.” Luke teased and she flipped him off before sighing.

“One of you boys want to help me get the cases upstairs?” Calum pushed himself off the seat and followed after her, picking up the heaviest of the three.

“You excited?”

“Scared.” She admitted quietly as they reached the guest room that Michael had directed her to.

“Why?” Once the cases were pushed against the wall Calum pulled her to the edge of the bed, taking a seat and pulling her next to him. She didn’t fight it, her entire body still feeling exhausted.

“This is the biggest tour of my life. Probably will be the biggest tour of my entire career. Allie wouldn’t even talk to me about the fact I was leaving, and I feel so overwhelmed.” After the quiet admittance came relief that she’d gotten it off her chest.

“It’s going to terrify the fuck out of you. Playing to so many people. When you’re ready to leave tonight, just give me a heads up and we’ll go. This is a lot to deal with on your first night out in LA with us.” She snorted out a giggle, resting her head on Calum’s shoulder.

“My life is an open book for people to read. I never knew it could be this terrifying to have so many people judge you.”

“It gets easier. I’ll let you get changed and then we’ll head out.”

It took a while before she felt like she’d picked an appropriate dress. And the whistles of appreciation she received made her bashful before laughing.

“It’s a good job I’m taken. Someone snap a photo for me please.” She held her phone out, Ashton taking it off her hands and capturing a few photos.

She sent them to Allie.

‘I know it’s late for you my love, but I hope I picked something you’d like for a nightclub in LA. Speak to you tomorrow.’

They split between two ubers, Ashton and Michael piling with Y/N in one, Calum and Luke taking the other as they made their way to the club.

Unsurprisingly, they could spot the paps easily.

“Can you drop us just around that corner mate?” Ashton called over and the driver nodded. Michael shot off a text to Luke and she could feel her hands begin to tremble.

“Holy shit this is a lot.” She murmured as they left the car, keeping out of sight from the paps.

“It’s going to be a lot. Keep your eyes forward and smile, try not to hide too much, they’ll try to make up some bullshit to start rumours.” Ashton explained quietly, rubbing the top of her shoulders carefully.

When Luke and Calum arrived they finally made a decision on how to go in.

“I’ll keep ahead, Y/N, don’t fall behind because they will swarm you. You’re the freshest face in the music charts and they’re going to eat this up that you’re out clubbing with us.” It was a relief that Ashton was taking charge, but her hands still trembled as she nodded in understanding.

“No falling behind. Cool. I’m going to hide behind Cal and Luke then.” Michael laughed

“C’mon, it won’t be too bad.”

As they made their way the short distance to the club, paps calling out their names and snapping photos, she could feel herself plaster a smile on for the photos, but there was another brief thought of how rude they were being.

“Who would you date from the boys of 5SOS?”

“Are you sleeping with any of them?”

“How did you get on this tour when practically no one’s heard of you?”

By the time she was in the club with them, she wanted to go back home. But she’d promised she’d stay out for a few hours and that was what she was going to do.

When the first round of drinks came in, she didn’t argue them buying her drinks. She knew this was their way of welcoming her back into their lives properly, especially since they were about to embark on a nine month tour that went across the world twice.

She danced and sang her heart out, laughing when Ashton stumbled over his own feet and Calum had caught it all on camera, laughing as he did so.

It was when the time crept towards midnight, despite the loud music, she had her head resting against Calum’s shoulder and her eyes were half shut.

“You ready to go, doll?” She nodded her head, the exhaustion hitting her like a freight train as Calum helped her stand up and she lost her balance almost immediately, her saving grace being that Michael was stood up and caught her before she hit the floor.

“How much have you had to drink?” He called over the music, she shrugged.

“Four, maybe five? Mostly tired.” She half shouted back and he grimaced before looking over to Calum.

“Got it mate. Uber is on its way. Do you want some help?” Michael shook his head as he pulled her arm over his shoulders, tugging her to the smokers area which was more secluded and less noise.

“We need to get back through the paps, but I need you to try and stay upright and walk by yourself. Can you do that?”

Calum looked at her, his eyes watching the way as she seemed to draw in some strength from somewhere as her back straightened up and she plastered on a big, but clearly tired smile.

“Lead the way. I’m ready to crash.”

Getting through the paps was easy, even if more questions were being yelled at them both.

But the second the uber was peeling away from the frenzy they left Calum to deal with, her head was resting on Michael’s shoulder before a soft snore escaped and he laughed quietly.

Unable to help himself, he snapped a selfie of the two of them.

When the Uber pulled up to his place, it took a few tries before he managed to pick her up carefully, her head nestled against his neck as he fumbled with the key and got them in.

It took him a further twenty minutes to get her up the stairs and set her down on her bed before finally trying to wake her up.

She wasn’t amused.

“Look, all I want is to make sure you get a reasonable amount of sleep tonight, and you sleeping in that dress wasn’t going to happen. You don’t need to do anything apart from get changed, that’s it.” He pleaded with her exhausted form.

“Fine.” Came the muttered response as she kicked her shoes off, standing up slowly and Michael disappeared to his own room to get changed himself.

When he returned to check up on her, he found his lips pulling back at the sight before him. She was passed out, half under the covers, hair splayed all over her pillow and a soft snore escaping once more .

He switched the light off before heading to his own bed, draining a glass of water before crashing out on his own bed, a sigh of relief escaping him as he melted into mattress.

When she woke up the next morning, a raging headache and exhaustion to boot, she tried not to think about how her stomach was rolling in ways that was sure to make her throw her guts up if she moved.

Michael had other plans apparently.

“C’mon sunshine. We’ve got breakfast and then we’re lounging in the sun whilst talking music. I’m not gonna make you work too hard after last night.” He’d stuck his head around the door and she groaned in return.

“I would call you the worst, but I feel like I drank too much last night.” She grumbled before pulling herself from her covers.

She made it two steps before she had to pause, the nausea hitting her hard and Michael snickered.

“I’ll be downstairs. The shower is easy to work, even in your state.” She flipped him off with her eyes shut, making him laugh as he disappeared downstairs.

It took her another five minutes to move again, and despite the way her stomach was rolling inside of her, the hot water did wonders for the headache that had formed.

Once she was changed into a clean shirt that didn’t reek of booze and some sleep shorts, the warm sunshine making it an easy choice for her, she headed downstairs.

“Looking worse for wear today then, Y/N.” A familiar voice greeted and she flipped Alex off before heading into the kitchen to find a plate of cooked food waiting or her. Grabbing a glass and filing it with water before picking up the plate, she followed the voices back into the living room.

“We not sitting outside?”

“I figured to give your eyes a bit of a break.” Michael smirked and she rolled them in response.

“Any glaring articles about the state I was in last night?” Alex grimaced.

“A couple. Of course there was the standard one about you possibly sleeping with Michael or Calum. They then corrected themselves when someone pointed out you were in a relationship with a woman.” This made her groan before she slumped over on the cushions.

“This is gonna be my life now, isn’t it?”

“Price you pay for dreams.” Alex teased and she groaned.

“Please, never quote your own song back at me. Ever.” Both he and Michael laughed before Michal pulled out his phone, clicking play on the audio file he pulled up.

The riff that came through his phone sounded good to her ears as she slowly ate her breakfast, mulling over the various songs that would possibly work with the tempo of the tune.

“I got this down the other day when we’d discussed the last few songs of the potential tracklist. I don’t think it’d work well on most of the songs, but the last two have potential for it, what do you think?”

She mulled it over as he played it again, her mind bringing up the familiar lyrics, humming them along softly.

“The last one would definitely work. Upbeat sound to maudlin lyrics.”

“Considering that’s your style. You do remember that you’ve got an EP being released in like, two days, right?” Alex prompted and it made her pause before she swore.

“I’d actually forgotten. Fuck.” This made all of them laugh as she slumped down onto the couch, throwing her arms over her face.

“I hate you all. At least they’re not making me do any promo before tour.” She muttered and Michael laughed.

“No, that’s gonna happen on the first round of the world tour. And then again on the second leg, but with us promoting as well.”

“Fuck.” She whined softly.

“C’mon, you’re finally getting music out and people will be able to sing along!” Alex encouraged her and she let out a deep breath of air before nodding her head.

“That is true. Plus it means the fans will be able to sing the lyrics if they actually like my music.”

“Number one, just watch.” Michael smirked and she rolled her eyes as they returned the the songs in front of them.

—

Meeting her touring band was nerve wrecking. It was the first official rehearsal with her apart of the group.

She greeted her guitarist, Ellie with a relieved smile when she practically pulled her into the room and introduced her to the other two.

Sat behind the drums, tightening the snare up, was Rich who gave her a soft smile as he shook her hand warmly.

Tuning the bass up was Cara, her own lips twisted into a brief smile before she returned her attention to the instrument in her hands.

“When they told us we’d be doing a nine month tour for a new artist, we were slightly skeptical. But knowing that it’s you, and the tour we’re going on, it’s actually really exciting.”

“Christ Ellie, let the girl actually set up. The record company sent through the transcripts of the songs, so we’ve been rehearsing them for the last two weeks. We’re hoping that now you’re here and settled, we can get the full sound of them.” Rich broke in and she nodded, a bright grin crossing her lips.

“There’s only one song on the setlist that I don’t need you guys for, so it’ll give you a chance to get a drink and stuff whilst we’re up on stage. Are we doing a few songs each day or trying to get as many as possible in the next two weeks?

Cara laughed.

“We’re looking to get the songs right so we’re going over two different songs every day this week, then next week it’ll be run throughs of the setlist. Don’t fret rockstar, we’re here to help you.” Cara’s words made her cheeks grow warm as she laughed.

“Thanks. It’s just-”

“Surreal? Yeah, we guessed it would be. That’s why we’re trying to make this as smooth as possible.” Ellie cut in and she could only feel a flood of relief as they began to go over the songs.

The next day, her own rehearsing went to a grinding halt as she remembered that the EP had been released and she’d forgotten about it in the rush of the rehearsals.

So instead of rehearsing, they played the EP through the speakers and she could feel her heart in her chest as each song came to life in the small rehearsal space.

What she didn’t expect was for the space to get gatecrashed by Michael and Alex.

“You’re climbing the charts!” He’d thrust his phone in her face and she watched, breathless as her EP climbed up the chart with each refresh and she could feel tears in her eyes.

“Holy shit, this is actually real. Fuck, these are my touring bandmates.” She felt the embarrassment rise as she introduced Ellie, Rich and Cara to Michael and Alex.

“I think we’re not going to get anything done. We might as well call it quits today and celebrate the release.” Rich laughed and Y/N groaned.

“C’mon, we’ve gotta celebrate this!” Alex whined and she shot him an unimpressed look in return.

“You just want an excuse to daytime drink.” She shot back and he grinned back unapologetically.

“Of course.”

It felt surreal as they packed up the equipment and hustled her out of the rehearsal space and into the passenger seat of Michael’s car. When she looked around to see where the others were, she spotted Alex talking to the other three as Michael got in on the drivers side.

Alex slid in the back moments later and then the car was off and away from the studio space.

“What are you two up to?”

“Nothing.” Came from both of them, sounding ar too innocent for the grins they were both wearing. But she didn’t argue with them as they seemed to go on a long detour. She was familiar with the route to all of their places, but as Michael turned down another street, it took her a solid moment to realise that they were rapidly approaching Ashton’s house.

As they got out of the car, she shrieked in surprise as a pair of hands covered her eyes.

“Sorry, but it’s a surprise.” Came Alex’s voice and she groaned as a pair of softer hands took hold of hers and began to guide her.

“You two are so dead.” She grumbled as she stumbled up one of the steps.

“There’s a step there Y/N.” The grin in Alex’s voice was clear.

“So so dead.”

She could hear the door open and it felt too quiet as they went a few steps further in and when Alex ripped his hands away from her eyes, she jumped.

“Surprise!” Collective yells made her heart freeze for a second before she took in the decoration.

‘Congrats on the EP release!’

And the various faces of her friends and the people she’d worked with. And the new faces of Ellie, Cara and Rich, all three wearing smug grins.

Ashton was stood off to the side slightly, his smile seemingly widest of them all.

“You assholes, oh my god.” She turned to hug Michael and Alex, making them both laugh. They returned the hugs and the sounds of her EP began filtering through the speakers, her entire body feeling like it was buzzing as she went around and began to greet the various people.

It felt semi-professional, but most of the people here were people who she’d befriended, apart from the few management executives who had congratulated her on the release.

It was later on in the afternoon, most people still hanging about, the party having spilled out to the garden to enjoy the sunshine when John came sauntering in with the laptop, a smug grin on his face.

She didn’t realise that Ashton was recording as John sat next to her.

“Take a look.” Was all he said turning the laptop to show her the screen.

Her heart and stomach dropped as she scanned the screen, feeling the overwhelming sensation bubble up as her hand went to her lips, covering her mouth.

“No fucking way!” Her voice went up an octave and John laughed.

“Number one in twenty six countries.” She was off her seat, practically bouncing.

“That’s double of what the single made!” This time she really was jumping around, her excited squeals drawing in the attention from the various people as she pulled both Michael and Alex up from their seats.

“Number fucking one in twenty six fucking countries!” This time laughter rippled at her reaction and she hugged them both tightly. “You’ve literally made my dreams come true, holy shit.”

“I told you Y/N. I spoke it into existence.” Michael shot back in a smug tone and she shoved his shoulder before she was dancing around once more, unable to help herself before throwing herself back into the seat next to John, her eyes taking in the figures once more.

“I got number one back home. Oh my god.” This time the tears were falling and John chuckled, pulling her into his side.

“You did that, kiddo. People are absolutely loving your music. If we’re not careful, you’ll be on your own world tour before long.” This made her laugh.

“Let me get through this one first!

---

The aftermath of the EP release was insane to her. She was getting more recognised on each trip out and her families reactions were beyond her wildest imaginations.

With the help of social media, she heard the clip of her mum being called by Radio 1, the host asking her about how she felt about it all.

“At first I was skeptical. My little girl off to LA by herself. But I’ve always supported her perusal of music and seeing how much it’s paid off, oh god I could cry again.” She’d felt her heart utterly melt at that.

“So you must be very proud of Y/N right now?” The host prompted and her mums laugh filtered through her ears.

“Proud as punch. My baby girl is dominating the charts and even the ladies at work are listening to her music, even when they all told me it’d be a waste of time. I felt rather smug telling them that the song they were listening to was hers.” This made the host laugh, herself included.

“Well, you keep having your proud mama moment. We’re playing your girls song right now. Here is Y/N’s latest single.”

It was a dream come true.

She’d facetimed her family back home and her heart burst when she saw Allie with them, dancing and singing along loudly as the album blasted in the background. She knew she was so so lucky to have their support and seeing that warmed her heart.

It kept her going through the rehearsals as they got through each song.

As the last day got closer and the last of their equipment was shipped out, she found herself very relieved that she had people who knew the tour life like the backs of their hands.

They’d toured together before, so they knew each other well enough, so getting to know them and their habits was going to take time for Y/N, but she settled in nicely into the group.

Her calls to Allie had been sparse and often it was Allie calling her when she woke up for work just as she was finishing up in the rehearsals.

“Do you even leave that space?” She’d teased during the first week of rehearsals.

“Till we get this right, no.” Came the sarcastic response followed by laughter.

She was understanding to the fact that she was so busy that her days meant there wasn’t much time to really call, but they continued to text daily, photos being sent to each other of what they were doing.

She was often seeing something that reminded her of Allie and sending it to her.

When it came to tour day she sent one text to Allie, despite the fact that she knew she was in a meeting.

‘Hope this doesn’t disturb your meeting, but then again you’re smart and remember to put your phone on silent. Anyway, we’ve got flights ahead of us today with some layovers so I won’t be able to text much or call you today, but I hope you have a good day and I love you.’

Michael had hustled her out of his house once they’d gotten all of their cases piled into the hired van. The other three were already in, those two being the last to get picked up. Ellie, Rich and Cara had promised to meet them at the airport.

It was early, so there weren’t many fans at the airport. There were paps, waiting for them to arrive, but that was the only commotion they had to deal with.

They met up with the other three and slowly got their stuff checked in. Whilst they were waiting, Calum had slung his arm across her shoulders as her phone went off, her lips pulling up into a big grin at the message.

‘Meeting was a bust. Could’ve had my phone and they wouldn’t have noticed. Idiots. Anyway, tell those boys to look after you, I know you’re not good on long haul flights. Have a safe journey and tell me all about it when you’ve landed and settled. Love you too, my little rockstar.’

“You can tell her we’ve got your back.” Cal murmured and she laughed, jabbing her elbow into his side playfully.

“I’ll tell her you were reading over my shoulder as well as that.” She shot back in return. He simply grinned as she tapped away at her phone before her name was called.

Once they were past security and on the plane, that was when the nerves began to set in and Calum chuckled from his spot next to her.

“I can see what Allie meant about you not doing well on long haul flights.” He teased her playfully and she scowled in return.

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up. You’re the one sat next to me for the entire trip.”

Luke snorted from behind them.

One layover and a nap on Calum’s shoulder later, they were in Stockholm and fans were waiting for them at the airport. It was easy to navigate and once they were all piled in vans to take them to the first venue, it began to feel very real, especially with the cold weather biting into her skin, making her shrug her jacket closer.

“Told you to wear warmer clothes, Y/N.” Ashton teased as the van peeled away from the airport.

“I’ve got two jackets on and I’m still cold. Shut up.” Came the snarky reply, making the others laugh.

The journey to the hotel was long, but the van warmed up eventually and before they knew it, they’d arrived. With the cold air, it became a competition between the eight of them to get in from the cold quick enough.

It was late in the day and despite having slept on the plane, they got into their various rooms and despite the plan to head out for food, Y/N crashed out after sending a quick text to Allie.

The next morning was busy.

There were interviews scheduled for various members of the band as well as Y/N.

By the time that it got to showtime, it was a bubble of excitement that seemed to explode in jittery nerves and Ashton laughed when he stopped by her dressing room.

“C’mon you lot, you’ve got stage in half an hour.” Ashton wrapped his arm around her shoulders and the others grabbed the last few bits they needed.

“First show of tour is always stressful, but you’ve got this. Now let's go bug the rest of them. I’m pretty sure your pre-show jitters will irritate Calum or Michael. I want to make a bet on who it irritates first.”

The rest of the band laughed as they followed after the two.

It was Calum who they managed to annoy first, his body laying across her legs to stop them from bouncing up and down.

“You’re making me feel nervous and I haven’t felt nervous in years.” He grumbled as the rest of them laughed.

It settled the nerves for her as they distracted her with talk of the various interviews that were going to be coming up.

Eventually they were called to stage and the boys followed behind, watching side stage as she stepped onto the stage and the crowd began to scream.

“Lets go Stockholm!”

The adrenaline rush felt incredible as she sang and danced her way through the set, her amazement at the crowd screaming the lyrics back to her.

“You all sound so god damn beautiful. My name is Y/N and I’ll see you all next time!”

As they finished the final song and left the stage, they were all greeted with yells of excitement and hugs from the boys as they congratulated them.

“You’ve really got them going! Tonight is going to be fucking fun.” Michael was beaming at her and she grinned in response.

“I can’t fucking wait for the rest of the tour. Listen, you go get ready, I need to help pack up and I’ll be watching side stage, I promise!” He pulled her in for one more hug before he followed after the boys to get ready and she headed back onto the stage, helping the team pack away her set.

Fans screamed her name and she waved to them as she did the last few jobs, making sure that her equipment was packed and secure before throwing the setlists into the crowd and disappearing with another wave.

She felt more alive than she’d done in months and as she watched 5 Seconds of Summer take the stage for the first night of the tour, she understood how they’d managed for so long.

—

Having Allie join them for the Paris and London dates of the first part of the tour felt wonderful.

She got to introduce her to every one and spending the night with her in Paris after the show was practically a dream.

They shared soft kisses in front of the Eiffel tower, Andy catching the sweet moment between the two and it was later on the bus, wrapped around Allie as it made the journey under the chanel did they finally talk quietly, aware that Ellie, Rich and Cara were all asleep.

“It feels so nice to actually spend some time with you.” She hummed softly and Allie smiled, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“I know. The next few months are going to be long though.” She could see that saying those words pained her, but Y/N pressed a soft kiss to her shoulder.

“They are. But this is going to be worth it for both of us, I promise.”

“Oh don’t I know it, number one in twenty six different countries.” Allie hummed in return, laughing as she ducked her face away in embarrassment.

“Are you leaving straight after the show tomorrow?” The shy question made Allie pause, her eyes searching her girlfriends face at the question before shaking her head.

“No. You have me tomorrow night too.”

“Good.” Allie chuckled softly.

“Get some rest, you’ve got interviews tomorrow and you need to look your best.” Allie hummed softly, her fingers tracing down the her spine. The yawn that escaped Y/N’s mouth made Allie grin as she settled down.

“Fine. Love you.” It wasn’t much later till she’d fallen asleep and a sigh escaped from Allie.

“Love you too.”

London was busy from the minute they got off the bus. Allie travelled with her to the radio stations in London that she had interviews with and they spent a night in the hotel before she caught the early train back home and Y/N was on a flight back to America, her heart feeling the heaviness of leaving her once more.

“It’ll get easier, I promise.” Luke nudged her shoulder and she gave him a relieved smile as the plane took off.

She wanted to believe Luke’s words, but part of her was worried and stressed over how long she’d be gone. It was going to be the longest without seeing Allie and it frightened her to an extent.

But she knew that she could trust that with the help of technology, speaking to her and facetiming her would make it more bearable at least so it wasn’t just her counting down the days till she was home once more.

The next few days were busy and long. Interviews in each new city before playing a show and then straight on the bus to the next place.

When they arrived in New York, Michael pulled her out of her funk.

“C’mon. You’re coming with us to the interview and then we are going to ditch those three loser and spend the day in New York City.” She barely had time to grab a coat and her backpack as he pulled her from the bus.

She shot off a quick text to Cara.

‘Apparently I’ve been kidnapped by a crazy person named Michael. Should be back to get a decent amount of sleep tonight, don’t worry if i’m not. Enjoy NYC.’

It was whilst she was sat in the car with the boys that she got a text back.

‘Have fun and if u don’t visit the statue i will be very disappointed in ur lack of tourist excitement’

It was fun to watch them get interviewed, and even though the interviewer had pointed her out, in an attempt to coax her into answering a few questions, she smiled and shook her head.

By the time the group were done with the interviews, Michael all but dragged her from the building and they got into a separate car and it felt good to have the distraction as they finally exited the car and began to wander the streets of New York together.

“Part of me feels like I need to be singing ‘Welcome to New York’ or maybe even ‘New York, New York’. And I’m not sure people will really enjoy my awful Frank Sinatra impression.” Michael laughed as they ventured through the various stores that lined the streets.

“I’m almost certain if you did a cover of New York, New York, it would still be amazing. And knowing you, you’d put your own spin on it and people would be falling in love with you left, right and centre.” The playful tease made her giggle as they found themselves in a thrift store, holding up the various items of clothing against each other to see if it would suit the other.

It certainly made the hole in her heart feel easier to deal with as she giggled at the silly hats they put on with the outrageous jackets that they found.

A few finds that were good, they purchased and eventually after raiding almost every rack, they left the store and her mood was swinging up as they continued their exploration of New York City.

It wasn’t difficult to visit the Statue of Liberty. There were a few fans about who were polite enough to the both of them and as they continued throughout the day, meeting fans here and there before heading back to the busses, when she checked her phone, she saw a text from Allie waiting for her.

‘Just saw a photo of you in New York, hope you’re enjoying yourself love, I know I would be.’

‘Still missing you, love. But distraction makes it easier I guess. I hope you’re having a good day.’

When they reached a small pizzeria, the debated on a large slice or a whole pizza to take back.

“I say get a couple of pizzas. They’ll appreciate the food and less likely to be annoyed with the fact we ditched them all for the entire day.” She’d remarked casually and Michael nodded, relaying the order for the two pizzas to go.

When they returned to the busses, they were met with raised eyebrows until they both held up the pizza boxes.

‘Pizza party on the 5sos bus.’ She’d sent the text to her touring bandmates and within five minutes they were climbing onto their bus.

“We heard there was pizza?” Ellie called as they stepped on. Calum laughed before motioning to the two large pizzas sat between the five of them.

“Join in. Looks like it’s a party night tonight then.” This made them all laugh as they cracked out a game of Cards Against Humanity and Y/N very quickly realised that touring with all these wonderful people was certainly the best thing to help distract from a missing piece in her chest.

---

Halfway through the tour, she was excited because Allie was joining the tour for a couple of days. It annoyed her to no end that she couldn’t get more time off, but she’d take two days over nothing.

The only problem was that her flight landed whilst she was performing. Michael had offered to go and pick her up from the airport, but Allie had declined and so it left her frustrated and somewhat annoyed. But she’d get to see her girl.

The boys were half way through their set when she turned up with only a backpack over her shoulders and Y/N couldn’t help herself as she wrapped her arms around Allie, her lips meeting her girlfriends.

“Holy shit I’ve missed you.” She murmured and Allie hummed in response.

“Missed you too.”

They enjoyed the set together, Allie standing a bit further away than Y/N would’ve liked but she knew that Allie was never comfortable with things like this. The show ended and she pulled her backstage, giving the boys a chance to finish their encore as the two of them lounged quietly in the greenroom.

But this silence, whereas before it was always comfortable, she could notice that something had changed, but didn’t dare comment on it.

When the guys came in from the stage, they greeted Allie enthusiastically and talked about maybe going out for a late dinner followed by a few drinks. She was enthusiastic, Allie less so as she half -heartedly agreed to join.

The journey to the hotel was filled with scattered chatter, mostly the boys asking Allie about what she did and if this was the only time she’d get off.

Y/N should’ve realised when she didn’t outright answer, something was wrong.

Once they were in the hotel room, before she could do or say anything, Allie held her hands up.

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Y/N’s entire body froze as she felt her heart crack.

“What---what do you mean?” Allie grimaced before sighing.

“I met someone else. It’s not fair on you to keep it up when I don’t love you anymore.” There was the shatter as she sucked in a deep breath.

“Get out.”

“Please, Y/N, I just didn’t want to lie to---”

“I said get out.” The last word rose an octave and the tears were burning in her eyes.

“I’m sorry.” The door clicked shut and once it shut, she could feel her heart shatter with a resounding crash as tears fell and a sob broke through.

‘I’ve just seen Allie leaving, you okay?’ The text came through as she allowed herself to collapse on the bed, sobs tearing from her throat as she tried to focus on something other than the pain in her chest.

But she couldn’t. Nothing had given away that this was coming. They’d been together for nearly three years and this was what was left to show for it.

It took a while before she heard frantic knocking and for a second, she almost deluded herself into believing that Allie was coming back, that she was apologising, that she was joking.

But the second the door opened and she and saw Michael’s concerned face, reality hit her hard and she found herself being bundled into his arms as another sob tore from her.

He pulled her into the room, shutting the door tightly before sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Y/N, what happened?”

“She---she left---said---didn’t---love---found---someone---” She couldn’t get her words around her tears and sobs and Michael’s heart shattered for her.

“Lie down, let me text the boys to say that we’re not going out tonight.” She curled on her side almost immediately, her fingers pressing against her chest, almost wishing it would ease the pain she was in.

It didn’t.

Michael sent the text off to the boys, hoping they would understand that she couldn’t go out, not like this.

Thankfully, they were understanding and promised to come back with ice cream for her and something to eat later. Michael climbed in behind her, his arms wrapping around her as she turned and pressed her face against his chest, the sobs slowing down as his fingers ran through her hair slowly.

“It hurts so much.” She finally whispered. He could only hold her tighter in response.

“It’s going to. But it’ll get easier. They boys promised to bring you some food and ice cream. Do you think you’d be up for that?”

She wasn’t sure she could answer. Part of her wanted the company, part of her wanted to wallow in the heartbreak that her chest was feeling.

“Just, no rom-coms. Give me comedy, hell, give me Jeff Goldblum.” Michael snickered as she settled herself closer, trying to shove the pain away for just a moment. But no matter what, it sat there, along with her tears.

“I’m sure we can do that. We’ve got time before they get here. Let it out.”

And she cried.

---

The boys understandably had given her the time to cry, and on the next night of tour when she realised the song she had to play, she felt her stomach drop as she soundchecked it, fighting the tears as her voice grew thick with emotion.

“That was her song, huh?” Ashton commented quietly and she nodded. He pulled her into a tight hug.

“Try to perform it tonight. If you can’t get through it, we’ll help you pick another song.”

And so she tried.

But it was clear that she couldn’t, her voice wavering before the end and she pulled away from the mic as the crowd sang her words back to her, the pain becoming too much for a second as a few tears fell.

Once the song finished and she could stop playing for a second, she wiped her eyes, taking in a deep breath. Michael was stood side-stage, hidden as he gave her a supportive thumbs up, Ashton doing the same, both wearing encouraging smiles.

“Sorry for that guys, but it looks like you’ll be the last lot to hear that song for a while.” At the disappointed noises, she gave a tentative smile to them.

“Unfortunately, my heart got broken last night, and this song---it’s tough. Maybe one day I can sing it as an ode to you all, but today isn’t that day. On we march, however.” And the crowd understood.

They sang back to her, almost louder and when she finished her set, the pain in her chest was still there, but it wasn’t the sharp stabbing sensation. It was like an old wound had been reopened, or at least, that was what it felt like. She knew that it wouldn’t pass this easily, but she felt her heart lift with love for the fans that sang her songs back to her.

She watched the boys set from side stage like always and greeted them as they finished their encore.

Michael slung his arm across her shoulders as they headed back to the greenroom, chatting about everything and nothing as they each went to their phones.

She hadn’t had a chance to change Allie’s name in her phone yet, but seeing the name made her breath catch for just a second.

‘So you made it all about you. Of course. Good luck in any future you find, don’t contact me again.’

There was the blow she’d been waiting for, the knock out that literally took her breath away as she tried to gasp for air.

She hadn’t even registered that she was sat on the floor, being coaxed to follow someone’s instructions. Her mind couldn’t separate, but she understood the words, following the motions before the steel bands that had a vice grip on her chest loosened up to the point of being able to breathe with ease once more.

“Y/N, what happened?” Michael asked quietly.

“Look at my phone.” She whispered in return and there were muttered voices before a phone was passed to Michael and he read the notification.

She fought down the nausea and the lightheadedness, closing her eyes for a second as tears slipped out.

“What did I do wrong?” Their hearts broke for her then. They were barely three months into the nine month world tour.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. She knew what was going to happen whilst you were on tour. We all told her it was going to be tough on both of you. Either she didn’t listen or she didn’t care. But that’s not on you.”

She wanted to believe him, but the thoughts were there.

“C’mon. We’re going to help you re-do your entire setlist. Unlock your phone.” She did as she was told, her fingers hovering over the message icon.

Before she could do anything, Michael pulled her phone out of her hands, throwing it to Luke who was furthest away.

“Delete the message and number.” She watched in amazement as Luke did what was asked and showed the clear screen of her name.

“It’s a good job I actually get on with you guys.” She finally grumbled, making Michael smirk, pulling her from the floor.

“That’s why we did it. Means you can’t drunkenly text her or fool yourself. Now. Setlist.”

Y/N felt grateful that someone was taking charge and helping her. She wrapped an arm around Michael’s waist, squeezing it gently.

“Thanks Mikey.” She finally whispered and he gave her a soft smile in return.

“We have each other as a band to lean on. You have only yourself. It’s only fair that we help you through a really shitty time, especially when we’re not even halfway through the tour yet.”

The rest of the night, she stayed sober as they went out and danced, Michael having a few drinks but mostly keeping her company as she watched everyone else chatter away.

It was the start of a very long journey.

---

It wasn’t often that Y/N found herself scrolling through social media. Especially after the breakup, there were those that seemed to think that she needed to know about what Allie was doing.

She tried to ignore it most days, but it seemed that as she scrolled through the notifications, mindlessly replying to some fans on twitter, she felt her heart drop when she saw the tweet which included a photo of Allie with another woman.

She found herself studying the photo, her heart twisting as she realised it was a screenshot of her instagram.

Wiping the tears away when she realised that she’d been crying, she finally noticed the time and decided to head into the venue. There was still time before soundcheck, but part of her wanted to just play.

Grabbing her backpack, she pulled the hoodie tighter and stepped off the bus, immediately being greeted with excited yells and calls of her name.

Waving hesitantly to the few who had spotted her, she made her way over to the barriers, taking photos with the fans, pushing a smile on her face as she gave hugs and chatted about the tour.

“How are you doing on tour?”

“Doing good. My family love receiving postcards from the places we stop in. The guys think its hilarious that I do it, but it’s memories that they get to keep as well. My mum especially gets so excited each time I send her a postcard.” This earned laughter. She posted the videos that her dad sent to her of her mum reading the postcards she sent, the excitement tangible when she watches the videos.

“Do you miss home much?” Another fan asked as she posed for a selfie.

“I miss my family, yeah. England? Not really. I’m slowly finding my home in LA, it’s warm, I’ve made close friends with a lot of people and despite sticking out like a sore thumb, I feel more comfortable there than I ever did in England.”

“Is it because of Allie?” Her heart ached as she glanced at the watch on her wrist.

“Because of her I don’t miss home? No. Even when we were together, I missed her, but I didn’t miss home. I’ve gotta run for soundcheck, but I hope you guys enjoy the show tonight.” She pulled away from the group, half smiling at the disappointed noises before making her way into the venue.

Heading to the dressing room where Ellie was already set up, she picked up the acoustic as she dropped her bag down.

“I’m gonna head out and check the guitar. Mess about before we actually sound check.” Ellie nodded.

“Sure, want me to come with?” She hesitated before nodding.

“Yeah, if you want. I’m not adverse to some company right now.” Ellie picked up her phone and followed after Y/N, the two navigating the corridors with ease. They stopped by the boys dressing room.

“Heading to mess about before actually soundchecking.” Luke pushed off the seat, followed by Michael.

“Can we tag along? Before we kill Ashton and Calum.” She tossed the two a curious look, both holding innocent faces.

“Whatever you’re planning, keep me out of it and don’t even think of pulling any kind of prank on me.” She warned playfully and they both gave her matching looks of offence.

“We’ve done nothing!” Ashton called out as she pulled away from the door.

“Not yet, at least.” She called back, laughter erupting from the room before it fell quiet as Luke and Michael followed the pair.

“I’m gonna practice a cover, I probably won’t play it on tour but my hands are itching.” She explained to Ellie who chuckled.

“You been hit with inspiration to write or just play?”

“Play I think.” Came the quiet reply and Ellie nodded in understanding.

“Sometimes it’s good just to play whatever you can to feel the music.” Her arm went across Ellie’s waist for a brief moment, giving her a small squeeze.

“Thanks.”

As they reached the stage, Y/N ditched the guitar, immediately heading to the piano, making Luke laugh.

“Can we not request Wonderwall?” Came the tease as he sat next to her. She stuck her tongue out as she checked it was still tuned before finding the right key.

Ever since they’d released Youngblood, one song had stuck to her tightly and she knew that playing it would help her let it go. But this was their song.

Both Michael and Ellie were sat on the drum riser, talking quietly.

“Sorry if I butcher this.” She muttered before hitting the few chords and Luke’s face immediately recognised the song.

“I saw you looking brand new overnight, I caught you look too but you didn’t look twice. You look happy, oh, you look happy.”

It was therapeutic as she played, missing only one of the keys as she sang. What she didn’t expect was Luke to harmonise with her throughout, letting her lead the song.

As the last note echoed out, her fingers still resting on the keys, he placed a hand over hers.

“You saw, huh?” She could only nod, pressing her eyes closed for a second to stop the tears from building up.

“The song has been itching at my fingertips, but seeing that, I needed to let it out because part of me feels like my chest wants to burst.” Voicing it outloud made her shoulders release slightly, dropping down a little bit as her eyes finally opened and glanced at Luke who wore and understanding smile.

A pair of arms wrapped around her shoulders and neck, a head coming to rest on top of hers. The tattoos gave away that it was Michael.

“How do you feel after playing it?” His voice was quiet, but she could hear the understanding in his voice and it felt like her chest was on fire.

“Better. Less likely to fuck up.” This made Ellie laugh as she gently shoved Michael, his grip loosening as he dramatically stumbled away, only to stumble over one of the wrapped up chords, making the three of them laugh as he hit the stage floor.

“You guys are assholes.” He muttered as he stood up, brushing off his trousers.

“You’ve only just figured that out? Wow, we managed to hide it so well Ellie.” Her voice took on the tone of surprise and Michael snorted as she moved from the piano, plucking the guitar from the stand.

“You two want to stick around for the actual soundcheck?” Ellie asked them as she picked up the second guitar, waving briefly to Cara and Rich as they reached the backstage.

“Only if you play Wonderwall.”

“Not on your life, Hemmings.” Rich called back before reaching his drum kit which sat in front of the riser.

They stuck around for the soundcheck before heading back to get dressed for their own soundcheck.

There was a sense of freedom as they soundchecked their last song and she could feel her body dancing along with the beat of the music. This made both Cara and Ellie laugh as they finished up the song.

Cara wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“You’ll be alright, I promise. Now c’mon, we need to get moving and get some food. Who fancies some lovely burgers?”

As they headed out to grab some food, Y/N found herself checking through Instagram.

As she refreshed the feed, her eyes focused on the fact that Michael had posted whilst they were soundchecking and to her shock, it was her and Luke sat at the piano.

“El, please tell me you did not encourage him to do that?” Her whine made the other three laugh, Rich patting her shoulder from his spot next to her.

“You learn fast that no one can really say no to her pout.” He teased and as if to almost prove his point, Ellie pulled a spectacular pout that made her feel bad for even making the comment.

“I didn’t have to encourage him. I was going to, but then I could see he was already posting it to Instagram. So I left it. Plus you were having a moment so I didn’t really want to ruin that.” The four of them laughed.

She clicked the unmute button, and her voice began to croon through the phone speakers.

“It’s three am and the moonlights testing me. If I can make it till dawn then it won’t be hard to see, I ain’t happy, oh. I ain’t so happy. Flashing back to New York City, changing flights so you’d stay with me. Problem was, I thought I had this right.”

She scrolled a little further as her own voice with Luke’s harmonies continued filtering through her phones speaker and she felt her heart skip a small beat at the caption from Michael.

‘The best kind of compliment for us to get is knowing our music is helping people. Seeing someone who I’ve been working with from day one, pay us this compliment in such a beautiful way means a lot to me. Especially when I watched her heart collapse. What I’m trying to say is you guys think we don’t see the covers, but we do. You pay us the best kind of compliments with them, just like Y/N has done. And I’m damn proud to be her friend and see how far she’s come since last summer. Keep going, you’re killing the game, I promise.’

She could feel the tears in her eyes as she read the caption and an arm went across her shoulder.

“Considering we’ve only known you since the start of the tour, we can’t say much about last summer. But you’re getting there and god damn you’ve got the world at your feet right now.” Rich’s words set the tears running and both Cara and Ellie laughed at her pitiful wail as she hid her face against his shoulder for a second.

“You guys have put up with my shit without any complaints. I’m sorry if I’ve been such a miserable cow.” She finally muttered and Cara giggled.

“You’re allowed to be a miserable cow. You’ve had your heart broken. But you’re trying, and all of us can see that. So don’t worry about it.” Cara reached over and wiped at her tears and Rich gave her one last squeeze before they rattled off their orders to the waitress.

When they’d eaten and headed back to the venue, she took her time and stuck her head in the boys’ dressing room. Luke and Ashton looked up from their phones.

“You looking for Mike?”

“Sorta. I was looking for you too, Luke.” He raised an eyebrow as she moved over and hugged him briefly, but tightly.

“Thanks.” His arms tightened around her marginally before letting her go and Ashton grinned at her.

“No hug for me?”

“Not today. Maybe tomorrow.” Came the playful retort and he laughed.

The door opened again and Michael stepped in followed by Calum, the two laughing at something. When they noticed that there was someone who wasn’t Luke or Ashton in the dressing room, they turned their attention and Michael gave her the biggest grin.

Without saying much, she quickly closed the distance between them and her arm wrapped around his neck, holding him tightly as his arms wound around her with ease, pulling her feet off the floor.

“Thank you.” She murmured next to his ear and pulled back slightly, placing a kiss to his cheek.

He held her for a few seconds longer before placing her down on her feet.

“Not that I’m complaining, but what did I do to deserve that?” The curiosity and amusement were clear as day to her, and she just smiled in return.

“For showing me I’m making progress,” her eyes glanced to her watch, “speaking of, I need to get changed. We’re onstage soon.” And without hesitation or a second thought, she leaned up, placing a soft kiss to his cheek and disappeared from their dressing room.

She missed how his cheeks turned pink.

---

The next month, she seemed to have had enough.

They had a couple of days off in Sydney, so after letting herself onto their bus, Y/N noticed that Luke was already up and dressed.

“Got any plans for today?” Was his greeting and she shook her head.

“I feel like I’m going insane on that bus.” She muttered and he let his hand rest over hers for a second before grinning.

“C’mon then. We’re having our not-date day.” He stood up up, heading back to the bunks for a few moments before returning with his phone and wallet, picking up the jacket that had apparently been discarded over the back of the seats.

“Wait, really?” He grinned at her in response.

“We need to cheer you up. You owe me dinner. Might as well make a day of it seeing as we don’t have anything booked in for today. Plus this is our home city. I’m pretty sure that I can survive showing you around. Did you want to grab a jacket or anything?”

She shook her head.

“It’s warm enough for me.”

“At least take a jumper, I know it’s warm enough for you, but the weather changes so fast, especially since we’re technically in our winter right now.” Luke pleaded. She hesitated for a second and he groaned before heading back through the bunks.

“Yeah, sure. Hey Y/N!” Michael shouted through as Luke came back, grinning.

“Yeah?”

“If that fucker takes you to the Harbour Bridge, I’m gonna throw him to the sharks. We’re doing that tomorrow after the interviews.” This prompted her to stare at Luke for a second before the two of them giggled.

“I’ll keep it in mind Mike.” She called back.

“Good, and look after the hoodie. I actually like that one.” He followed up with, prompting her to raise her eyebrow at Luke.

“I know you like big cosy hoodies. His are the comfiest and he knows it.” Came the easy reply and she simply laughed, accepting the offered hoodie and tying it around her waist as they left the bus once more.

There was an Uber waiting for them as they reached the side of the venue and Luke allowed her to slide in first before following after.

As the car peeled away, curiosity finally got the better of her.

“Lu, where are we going?” He grinned over at her in response.

“Royal Botanical Gardens. It’s a nice day out and also if gets us away from the mayhem of the city.”

The car ride was mostly filled with chatter of the couple of weeks they had off and what her plans were going to be.

“I’ll stay in LA, work on the album. With the success of the EP, apparently they’re excited for more stuff. So I won’t really be getting a break whilst we’re taking a break.” He laughed.

“I feel that. It sometimes feels like you’re trying to catch up with yourself when you’ve got the time off right?” She nodded at his words.

They fell into a companionable silence as the car reached the Gardens. Her breath escaped her as she looked at the sight before her. Luke allowed himself a brief moment of smugness before thanking the driver and looping his arm through hers.

“C’mon, my not-date.” This made her laugh as they entered the Gardens.

She found herself mesmerised by the sheer beauty of the place, unable to keep her eyes still for very long as they walked, eventually pulling away from Luke to get a closer look at some of the plants.

Unawares that Luke was holding up his phone towards her, taking a couple of photos, she turned her head back to him and beamed.

“This place is so beautiful.” She breathed as he moved back towards her. He could only nod in agreement as they continued their walk, her eyes still searching the vibrant colours.

“How are you doing?” Luke’s quiet voice pulled her from her thoughts and she hummed in acknowledgement.

“I’m fine, why?” Luke raised an eyebrow at her.

“Not what I meant and you know it.” They’d been walking around for just over an hour at this point. Spotting a bench, they made their way over to it and sat down, her head resting on his shoulder as they watched other people go by.

“I keep thinking she’ll come back. That she’ll apologise. And seeing that photo, I don’t know. It just, it broke me. Nearly three fucking years together.” The bitterness of her words tasted foul in her mouth.

���Feels like you’re stuck and can’t pull away?” She felt Luke rest his own head against hers and she sighed.

“I keep asking myself, what did I do wrong? Is it the timezones? Is it because I’m away? Was it someone I went out with? Is it because of the rumours? I feel like my head is dizzy and I’m just so exhausted all the time.”

“I doubt it was your fault.” He soothed her softly. She scoffed.

“It feels like it. I found out from a friend that she’s dating another lesbian and all I could think was ‘did she believe those rumours?’ and I hate it. I want to stop thinking about it.” She admitted softly.

A small breeze began to pick up, playing with the ends of their hair as they sat together, talking.

“Why would she put stock in rumours when all we ever heard about was how much you loved her?” She knew that he was curious, but the playful jab was there. It made her smile slightly.

“Because I don’t exclusively date women. I’m bi, and I keep thinking that she actually believed what’s been printed about me.”

“Then she should’ve called. Texted. Anything to give you a fucking inkling of what was going on in her head. You’ve literally had the carpet pulled from under your feet.” The indignation on your behalf made your heart swell for the man with the golden curls.

“It takes two to tango. I never called as often as I should’ve-”

“Stop right there.” He cut her off and she pressed her lips together, eyes closing as she sighed. “She’s made her bed and she’s gotta lie in it. You’re the one dealing with the aftermath of it. You’ve been so busy with this tour, anyone can see how hard you work and how exhausted you are. She knew what was coming but still didn’t make that effort. That’s on her, not you.”

They lapsed into silence once more. Then,

“Thank you, Lu. I’m sorry.” He rolled his eyes at her before finally pulling her up from the bench with him as he got up.

The breeze had picked up this time and so once on her feet, Y/N untied the hoodie from her waist, pulling it over. She realised that Luke was right and that she immediately favoured this hoodie over any previous one she owned.

She knew she practically drowned in it, the sleeves falling way past her hands and the hoodie baggier than needed, but she felt warm and it was a smell that was just entirely Michael as she pulled the front up to protect her face from the wind as it picked up.

She didn’t recognise it amidst her heartbreak, but her heart skipped a beat.

“C’mon, we have more time to kill and I’ve had enough sappy shit.” Her laughter was refreshing as the two continued their way through the gardens and found a small little cafe to grab a bite to eat.

Running into a few fans there, the two pleaded with them to wait till they were long gone before posting about where they were, if only to stop the place from getting swarmed.

They ran for the waiting uber like a couple of giggling school children, and only when they were far enough away did Luke bother to post anything.

She seemed content enough to snuggled down within Michael’s hoodie and rest her head on Luke’s shoulder as he scrolled through his phone.

“We’ve got a hotel for the next couple of nights, so you’ll have an actual bed.” He tilted his phone to show the texts and she nodded her head at that.

“Got it.”

---

A the tour progressed, people speculated about the relationship disintegration between Y/N and Allie.

But she’d put interviewers in their place when they got a bit too personal.

“It’s my business what happens in my private life. We’re not together any more, and that’s all you need to know.

But from that point, it seemed more and more fans were singing her songs back to her, and her album was back in the charts.

No one protested the setlist change. It meant a chance for her to incorporate a different cover for almost every show. It felt good to change things up and she knew that she was getting her smile back once more.

Michael had helped on that front.

Most nights, despite the separate tour busses, they’d be gaming against or with each other, depending on the game. This resulted in long nights and many nights exchanging text messages of memes from the game, especially when the other fucked up.

Some of the time, she’d stay on the bus the following day to play against Michael, but more often than not, she went off exploring with Ashton and Calum, buying and sending back postcards to her family.

As the tour progressed through America, she felt a lot more free as she sang and danced her last set in LA, knowing that in a few weeks, she’d finally be back home in England, even if it was only for two weeks.

“What are your plans?” Michael asked as they got their kits together. The last show had been played for a few weeks now and it was time to breathe.

“Not too sure. I’ve not got a place in LA yet, so I’m gonna check myself into a motel or something till we fly out to the UK.” She responded with a shrug and Michael frowned.

“You’re not staying in some grotty motel. You can stay with me till we head out to the UK.” She opened her mouth to argue and he moved his hand to cover her lips. “Don’t argue me on this one. You’re staying with me and that’s final.”

It took only thirty seconds before she finally rolled her eyes and nodded.

“Yes mother.” She snarked once his hand was removed and he got a mischievous look in his eye which set her running away from him, a yell escaping her lips as he chased after her.

“Take that back!”

“Not a chance in hell Clifford!”

And for those that had worked the tour, heard her tears, there was a bit of relief as her laughter echoed through the hallways. She was healing.

As they got back to his place, the masses of bags being dragged in between the two of them, Michael was the first to collapse on the couch and she followed shortly after, his arms wrapping around as he pulled her close, a soft sigh escaping his lips.

“C’mon, we need to go to bed.”

“But you’re comfy.”

“You need a proper bed.”

“Nope.”

“Y/N.” Michael groaned and she giggled softly pressing her face into his shoulder.

“We just got back, we need to breathe a bit, dumbass.” He laughed as he squeezed her tightly.

“Alright. But if you fall asleep, I’m not carrying you.” He warned and she shrugged, pressing herself closer as her eyes fluttered shut.

“Can’t escape from me now, Clifford.” She muttered quietly before her breathing grew slower.

Michael knew how exhausted she was, her heart still healing from the heartbreak and he knew that it was going to be tough on her. So as a soft snore escaped her lips, Michael found himself unable to even move her, his heart softening as he pulled her tight and placed a kiss to her temple.

“Like I’d even want to try.”

It was hours later when the pair woke up. Michael woke up first, his arms keeping her encased as he just enjoyed the moment of peace. Glancing at the clock, the numbers read that it was three thirty in the morning, and as much as he didn’t want to move, he knew that the both of them needed to lie in a proper bed.

“C’mon sleepy head.” His voice was raspy, tired. He knew that once they were both in their beds, neither would re-emerge for another twelve hours at least.

“Don’t wanna.” Finally came from Y/N and Michael laughed softly.

“Going to have to move. I promise once you’re in bed, I won’t wake you again.” That seemed to get her moving enough so that they were leaning on each other as they stumbled through his place to the guest room.

Not even caring of the fact that Michael was still in the room, she wiggled free from her jeans, crawling beneath the covers.

“You’re the best. Night Mikey.” The sentence was slurred, her voice getting softer before the sentence ended with a snore. He snorted, leaning over and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead before he made his way to his own room, ditching jeans and his shirt before crawling beneath his own covers.

It was almost like someone hit him over the head with a baseball bat. He was knocked out immediately.

—

It felt like a full on recovery for the first three days. Y/N was feeling like the wind had been stolen from her sails before Michael explained it wasn’t uncommon.

“We’ve just done seven months of touring and promo mixed together. Even with the days off, you’re still doing something. Your body probably feels like this is the first chance you’ve had to relax in months.”

They settled themselves in the living room for the first three days, watching tv and napping. It was relaxed and she could feel like her days were easier.

By the fourth day, that was when they started to venture out a bit. Ashton immediately invited himself around and took Y/N out for lunch when she’d sent a text saying she felt a little more alive.

Michael could only laugh as he half dragged her out of his place.

“I’ve got my own shit to do, I’d rather be going for lunch!” He yelled out after her plea to save her escaped from her lips.

“How are you feeling now that you’ve had a chance to let your body recover?”

“I’m not bad. I still expect to see her name a few times but it’s easier now that her number isn’t in my phone and I’m not pining as much. I’m just more worried about finding a place out here now.”

Ashton nodded in understanding as they pulled into one of the car park complexes.

“Whilst we’re here and then out in the UK, I don’t mind helping you if you want to sit down and look?” She smiled at him as they walked through the town.

“Yeah, thanks. Hey, would you mind coming with me to explain to my family? It’s just that they worry and I don’t want them to.” As they reached the restaurant, Ashton held the door open for her before following behind.

“Table for two under Irwin?” He asked before the hostess could even greet them. She checked the roster before nodding her head and guiding them further into the restaurant.

Once they were seated and were looking over the menus, Ashton finally asked her the question.

“Why me, and not one of the other guys?” She half smiled at that.

“I know that Sierra is coming to the UK leg of the tour. I also know that Calum will want to visit Mali whilst he’s over there.”

“And Michael?”

She had to pause at that. Why wouldn’t she ask him?

Ashton waited as she tried to find her words, before her eyes settled on the table.

“You all just assumed I was a lesbian, right?” The question in return caught Ashton off guard as he slowly nodded.

“Well, yeah. I mean we never really asked you about your previous relationships.” Ashton shrugged as he set the menu down to look at her properly.

“I’m not. I’m bisexual. My family know and accept this. But if I take Michael, they’ll assumed that I’m dating him already.”

“And they won’t assume that with me?”

“Because I don’t act like I’m in love with you, moron.” She rolled her eyes before they widened in shock.

Ashton smirked.

“Fuckin’ knew it.” He muttered before sighing. “I’ll come with you, if only so your family don’t have any kind of freak out and reveal that you’ve been crushing on Mike for a while.”

“Shut up.” She hissed quietly, making him laugh as the waitress came over and took their orders.

“Chill out, my feline friend. I don’t think the others have cottoned on yet, but I definitely noticed it after your not-date with Luke. It annoyed him that you went with Luke on the day off and he had to settle for half a day because of interviews.” At that, her head fell into her hands and a sigh escaped her lips.

“Ashton, I’m royally fucked. I’m spending the next two months with him and I literally feel like a teenaged schoolgirl with her first crush, except my heart still feels fucking broken beyond repair right now. And he doesn’t deserve that.”

“Maybe he doesn’t. Or maybe he does deserve someone who feels like that so he can show her that she’s not as broken as she thinks.”

As the food arrived, they switched the conversation to the European leg of the tour, the various cities they were excited to visit and gifts they planned on buying.

“Are you worried about seeing Allie?” He finally asked, resting his elbows on the table and his head on his hands.

She leaned back in her chair and thought about his question.

“No. Well, it’s going to hurt. I know that. I’ve still got to collect the last of my stuff from hers and get it shipped over here. So I’m going to have to see her. But honestly?” She hesitated before sighing. “I’m more worried about how I’m going to actually react. Because I don’t know if I’m angry or not. I couldn’t make heads or tails of my emotions on the road and I had to stay put together for the interviews and shows.”

“What dates are you going to see your family?”

“Mum’s planning a family shindig on Halloween. Then they’ve got a small van for me and it’ll pick me up straight after the Sheffield show. Instead of flying out on the third with you guys, I’ll fly back out to the tour on the fourth.”

“Want me with you for the whole thing?” He watched as her eyes dropped to the table and it was like the embarrassment radiated in waves off her.

“Am I that easy to read?” Ashton chuckled.

“No, I just know my friend well enough to see when she doesn’t want to ask for something in fear of overstepping some kind of boundary.” His words were teasing, but the sincerity stunned her for a second.

“Only if you want to, Ash. But it means that you’ll be sharing my room with me.” He laughed.

“It’s fine. Shall we head out to look for a place for you then? Might as well get a start before we leave for Europe.” She nodded in acceptance and split the bill with him. As the two left, they’d both spotted the paps lurking about, but both ignored them as they made their way back to Ashton’s car.

“Shall we place bets on how many articles say we’re dating, even when it’s plainly obvious even to a blind man that I’m not interested in you?” Ashton laughed as he got in the car and they peeled away from the complex and headed back to his.

----

With Ashton’s help, they’d managed to secure a decent house for her and with the money from the album sales and tour, she knew it was easier to outright buy the place instead of renting, which is what she did.

She swore Ashton to secrecy, because there was no point in making a big fuss over her place. It still needed some work done and they worked over the two week break to get the place cleaned up and furnished for her return back to LA once the tour finished.

“So you’re gonna host a housewarming party when we get back right?” She laughed as she locked up the place. It was all done, all she needed to do was ship her stuff over. She’d already met with a few of her new neighbours and they’d agreed to hold parcels for her until she returned from the tour the following month later.

“First we’re celebrating the surprise party for Michael. Our boy is turning twenty three. Can’t ignore that.” They laughed as they got into his car.

“Well yeah, there’s that first. But after?”

“Considering we’re both up for ARIA’s, still don’t know how I managed that,” Ashton laughed, “so I’m gonna give it a couple of days, so maybe have the party on the twenty first or twenty second. Then to my knowledge, I’m flying out on the twenty fifth for the rehearsals?” Ashton nodded.

“Sounds about right. I know Cal’s going over earlier to spend time with his family.”

“Right. This is still feeling so surreal, honestly.” He laughed.

Flying out from LA back to London seemed like a breeze, but she also knew that this was where she’d have to go back home. Y/N was both excited and nervous to go back to her hometown.

The flight to London had been filled with jittery nerves. They’d landed late in the evening and only a small handful of fans were waiting to greet them.

“Welcome home Y/N!” One fan called and she chuckled.

“Thanks guys. How’re you all doing?” She received varied answers from the small group that had gathered around her. She could see the phones out but didn’t protest them like she usually would’ve, she was just too damn tired.

“How was the flight for you?” One fan asked and she shrugged, rubbing the back of her neck.

“Exhausting. I forget how tiring flying can actually be, especially when you’re not good on long flights as it is.” She grinned bashfully, earning a few scattered giggles.

“Are you looking forward to being back home for a little bit?”

“Definitely. I’ve got plans on our days off to go visit my family and I know my mum is super excited to see me. I’m almost certain she’s called every family member that’s old enough to drive to come to this meal. That’s going to be a busy day.” the fans were calm and the discussion turned to new music.

“Have you been working on anything on the road?” She shrugged at that question.

“Yes and no. I haven’t pushed myself to write, but I’ve been recording. I can’t say much now, but you guys are going to absolutely love it, I promise you.” This earned her excited whispers and she giggled as she signed a few things for them.

She was more than happy to take a few selfies with a few of them before Michael called her over and she made quick apologies, heading over to where he was loitering with security.

“They’re sending vans. They’ll take us to the bus pick up and then it’s an overnight journey to Glasgow.” His eyes were watching how tired she was and she sighed.

“Why can’t they just fly us up there instead?” She groaned quietly, making him laugh.

“Because they’re assholes. Fancy bus crashing for the night? I know El, Rich and Cara are going to be wide awake.”

“And you four losers won’t be?” Came back the tart reply and he grinned.

“We’re just as tired as you are. So no, we’re probably going to knock out the second our heads hit the bunk.”

She hesitated for a moment before sighing. Pulling out her phone, she messaged the group chat she had with her own bandmates.

‘You guys cool if I bus crash tonight?’

Ellie was the first to reply.

‘Yeeah, we were thinking of maybe having a couple of games going when we go on. You look exhausted so you’d probs be better off sleepin on their bus.’

She replied almost instantly.

‘That’s fine by me. You guys be as loud as you like.’

It wasn’t much longer till they all piled into the two vans and it felt like she’d barely blinked before being shaken awake by Michael.

“C’mon Y/N, we’re at the busses.” The cold October weather made her cringe into Michael’s side and he laughed.

“Shut up, I’m used to the LA heat.” She grumbled. He fell silent but pulled her tighter to him anyway. She was wrapped up in the hoodie she’d managed to acquire after her not-date with Luke and he hadn’t argued the loss of it, claiming she looked cuter in it anyway.

When they got on the bus, the boys went to claim their bunks and before she could head to the back to crash on the sofa, Michael was pulling her into the bunk area and she couldn’t help but smile at someone who looked so stupidly cute, especially when his eyes were silently pleading with her.

With a sigh, she took off her bra, tossing it to the end of his bunk before climbing in and he followed after. Not even bothering to take off the hoodie, she curled into his side and with a whispered ‘goodnight’ between the two of them, it didn’t take too long before both of them were fast asleep, his body turned towards hers and his arm thrown over her waist.

When Michael woke the next morning, she was curled against him, her back pressing against his chest. His arm was still thrown across her waist. He didn’t dare move as he tiredly stared at her, his heart skipping a beat as her eyes opened and she turned over, face hiding against his chest.

She could feel her heartbeat thundering against her chest as she felt his lips against the top of her head.

“Morning kitten.” She tried not to let her shock show at the pet name, a simple hum of acknowledgement escaping as she pressed her face firmly against his chest, not willing to move an inch.

“Morning.” She finally muttered and he chuckled.

“We in Glasgow yet?” He shook his head.

“Still travelling. Not sure where we are though.” A sigh escaped her lips.

“Means we don’t have to move.” She muttered stubbornly her arm wrapping around him and he could feel heat rising in his cheeks as he held her close, mouthing a silent prayer just to keep his cool till they woke up properly.

It took another thirty minutes before the bunk curtain was pulled open by Luke.

“C’mon lovebirds. We reach Glasgow in about an hour.” He ducked the pillow she threw at him before Michael pushed out of the bunk first, and she reluctantly moved, following after him.

She slipped her bra on before following through to the front of the bus and was greeted with tired smiles from the other three. She took the open spot next to Michael, ignoring the pointed looks from Luke and Ashton as she lay her head on his shoulder.

“You changing anything to the setlist this tour?” She snorted into the cup of tea that Ashton had passed her at Calum’s question.

“I desperately want to cover Fuck You, just to be petty. But I won’t,” they all shared grins at that, “I will maybe switch the order of the setlist and throw the cover towards the start. Get the crowd going.”

“What cover you gonna do?”

“All the covers that get Brits fucking jumping.” She teased and they laughed as the bus finally pulled to a stop and she stood up, stretching out her tired limbs.

“You up for exploring tomorrow whilst we’re here?” Ash questioned and she nodded in agreement as she headed to the door of the bus.

“Yeah, who’s heading out tomorrow with you?”

“Just me.” Calum piped up and she grinned at him.

“Cool, see you guys in a bit.” And she was off the bus and onto her own seconds later, grateful that they were cut off from the fans view. She did not need to add fuel to that burning fire.

As she got on the bus, she was met with a very tired looking Cara who was nursing a coffee with both of her hands.

“Morning.” Came the quiet greeting.

“Morning to you too sunshine. How was last night?” Y/N sat herself opposite Cara who groaned quietly.

“I think it’s mostly tiredness speaking because not a lot of alcohol was consumed. But we’re just so excited to be playing for shows in the UK.”

“Even though you guys were with me for the first part of the tour.” She teased and they laughed quietly.

“It doesn’t count and you know it. This is playing in different cities. Playing in London once does not count at all.” Came the snarky retort and she held up her hands in a surrender position.

“I’m gonna go get changed. I might head into the venue and maybe work on something. Still got ideas running through my head.” She stood up, heading to the bunk area and Cara gave her a devious grin.

“Something to commemorate your night with Michael?” The taunt was playful and in jest and Y/N simply grinned.

“Maybe.”

---

As it crept closer to Halloween, it was obvious about how nervous Y/N was getting over the family party. More than once, Michael offered to come down with her and Ash, but she shook her head, desperately hoping that he couldn’t see how wistful her smile was.

“You need to hold the fort with Luke and Cal whilst I steal Ash for the day. We’ll be back in time for drinks, I promise.”

From London both her and Ashton travelled further south to her hometown on Halloween morning. They spent the majority of the journey discussing various ideas for her place back in LA, debating on different colours for the guest rooms that had yet to be painted.

“How many people are going to be there?” He questioned quietly as they pulled off the motorway. She checked her phone, scrolling through her previous messages with her mum.

“Mum said about twelve. But that’s just aunts and uncles and cousins. She’s not included their kids.” A low groan escaped him and she giggled.

“Hey, you agreed to this, knowing that I have a big family.” He rolled his eyes before smiling.

“I know. But it’s the kids that I’m worried about. Are you sure they won’t freak out?”

“Lucy might. She’s the only one I know that has probably listened to your stuff. The boys could care less.” She shrugged in return and he simply slumped down in the seat, earning a giggle.

“It won’t be like this at the weekend though?”

“Oh god no. This weekend is going to be telling them about moving to LA and packing up my stuff. Might even show you a few spots I frequented as a kid.” They shared matching grins as the car turned into a cul-de-sac and her eyes lit up.

Ashton couldn’t help himself as he snapped a photo of the beaming smile on her lips, his own lips curving into a grin to match hers.

“We’re here!” The car pulled to a stop and they got out of the car. Once it disappeared back down the street after a confirmation of pick up time, she headed to the front door and knocked. It was only eleven am, but she could see the various cars and hear the voices.

The door pulled open and she was greeted by her dad whose face lit up, pulling her into a warm hug.

It was a hug she’d been craving for months and her entire body melted against him.

“Welcome home, little one.” He murmured softly in her ear and she responded by clinging to him tighter before pulling away.

“Dad, this is Ashton, he’s the drummer of 5 Seconds of Summer, the band who helped give me this amazing opportunity.” She stepped to the side and Ashton held his hand out.

He was stunned when her dad pulled him in for a hug instead and his cheeks went slightly pink.

“Thank you for giving my little girl such a wonderful opportunity, come in, come in! The rest of the family are here.” He waved them both in and as she stepped through the door, Ashton ran his fingers through the mop of curls.

“I can see where you get the hugging genetic from.” He muttered under his breath and she snorted out a giggle before an excited squeal emitted from the living room.

“You’ve seen nothing yet, Irwin.”

As if on cue, her mum came rushing out of the living room and practically barrelled her over, holding onto her tightly as she peppered her face with kisses, making Y/N giggle.

“Hi mum. Missed you too.”

“Oh my baby is finally home for a bit!”

“Your baby is gonna pass out because she can’t breath and has barely stepped into the house.” She shot back sarcastically and Ashton coughed to cover up a chuckle. This turned her mum’s attention to Ashton.

“Don’t think you get out of this! You must be Ashton, yes?”

“Yes ma’am, it’s-” He was cut off as she pulled him in for a tight hug, this time making Y/N snicker at his wide eyes.

“Nice to meet you.” He finally finished off, making her mum laugh.

“It’s wonderful to meet you too, dear. Now come on through, a lot of the family are already here.” She pulled back, taking a hold of Ashton’s hand and he shot Y/N a panicked look and she shrugged in return as she followed after the two.

It took half an hour just to introduce Ashton to everyone who had already arrived because they were determined to ask him questions about the tour and what she had done on the tour and every question in between.

It was her Aunt Hallie who caught her unawares.

“So where’s young Allie?” She froze for a second, her eyes widening for a moment before her hand reached up, rubbing the back of her neck.

“Uh, we’re not together any more. We haven’t been for, like the last five months.” The awkward silence that filled the room and she could feel her stomach twist uncomfortably.

“Is this young Ashton your new thing then?” Her eyes widened in shock and Ashton, who had taken that moment to take a drink from the water that her mum had offered, choked.

“No, he’s here as support. Uh, I’m going to be collecting the rest of my stuff from Allie’s this weekend so he offered to meet the family as well, get it out of the way and-”

“She was worried about possibly running into Allie. I was the most level headed out of the band when the breakup happened and she wanted someone who would be able to be objective and stop anything from happening.” Ashton interjected once he’d gotten his breath back.

“And prey-tell why are you not dating him then?”

“Hallie,” her mum hissed softly, “that’s none of our business.”

“It’s fine, mum. Uh, I’m not interested in Ashton. I see him more as my brother. He’s been really good to me on the tour and looked out for me, especially when we’ve done the city explorations.” She explained quietly and as her Aunt Hallie opened her mouth to ask something else, her mum cut in once more.

“Enough, Hallie. They’re not together, and she’s not with Allie. You’ve known this.” Y/N groaned.

“Please, I’m not in the UK for long, I just want to enjoy today with you guys.” Hallie sat back and fell silent as the kids began to badger Ashton. He was patient with them as they invited him to play on Mario Kart.

As Y/N had expected, Lucy had fallen very shy around Ashton, so she went to her younger cousin and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“I’m almost certain that if you ask nicely, he’ll let you have a picture with him.” Her cheeks flushed pink as she hid her face in her side and she chuckled.

“Alright. You wanna stick with me?” A nod followed and so she had a shadow attached to her as she joined Ashton on the floor and talked with the other adults about the tour and where she’d visited.

The kids soon abandoned the game when she began to show them photos she’d taken, so Ashton showed them some of his own and that was when Lucy began to come out of her shell.

“S’pretty photo of Y/N.” Came the soft mumble at the photo that he’d taken of her in Glasgow. Ashton beamed at Lucy who immediately went bright red.

“She’s the worst for having photos taken of her though, we have to catch her off guard or only when she’s in a particular mood to have photos taken. When we were in Australia, we were trying to get a group shot of all of us on the beach and she rolled off her towel and onto the sand to not be in the photo.” This earned him a giggle from Lucy and she slowly inched away from Y/N to take a look at the photo he was showing.

Ashton seemed to have earned himself the shadow that was her younger cousin then and it was sweet as he answered every question she had and even as they went to get food from the buffet that her mum had laid out, he let her sit with him.

Y/N had disappeared into the kitchen after taking a photo of the two of them talking. Hallie pinned her with a look and she sighed.

“Listen, he is not my boyfriend. I’m not starting this argument with you on my day off. We’re not here for much longer, the car will be here in a couple of hours to get us back to London.”

“I was just going to say he’s a nice boy you could have to get over this silly indecisiveness you have.” A groan escaped her lips.

“I’m not indecisive. I’ve dated boys and girls. I like them both. You try this with me every damn time Aunt Hallie.”

“Hallie, we’re not doing this today. I haven’t seen my little girl in months. I’m not letting your inability to see past the end of your nose ruin this day. You know where the door is if you really have that much of a problem.”

“Fine.” Came the huff and she disappeared out to the garden where a few other cousins were sat talking and having a smoke.

“Thanks dad.” She breathed and fell into his open arms.

“It’s okay sweetheart. How are you really doing?” She sighed into his shoulder.

“I’ll be okay, but Ash is genuinely here for moral support. He’s coming at the weekend as well. I don’t think I’m ready to face her by myself.” Her dad nodded before pressing a kiss to her temple.

“You’ve got good friends, little one. Come on now, we need to make sure that your Aunt hasn’t interrogated the poor lad.”

Mercifully she hadn't said a word, because Lucy still held all of his attention.

“Hey Luce, why don’t you ask Ash the question you wanted to ask earlier?” She called to her younger cousin and watched as her cheeks went a bright red.

“Uh, could I please have a picture with you?” Her voice had gone very quiet and Ashton grinned.

“Of course! You’re my favourite, but don’t tell Y/N that.” She giggled at her mock look of offence and obliged in taking the photo of the two.

The conversations continued over the next couple of hours before she received the warning text that the driver was about five minutes out.

“Ash, we need to say our goodbyes, driver is about five minutes away.” This earned gentle whines from the kids who had seemingly flocked to Ashton. She giggled and snapped a quick photo of it before going around and saying her goodbyes to the relatives, Ashton following behind her.

She left her parents for last, and they saw the pair off at the door.

“I’m looking forward to seeing you this weekend. Are we expecting you on Friday?” Her mum questioned as she hugged the two of them, her dad following her mum’s footsteps.

“Yeah, it’ll be late though. I’ve still got my key so I can just let us in and we’ll crash in my old room.” Her mum nodded.

“I’ll make sure to set up the airbed as well. Have a safe journey and enjoy the rest of the tour. We’ll see you in a few days.” They both escaped to the car after another shout of goodbyes from the family and once they were driving away, she let out a breath of air in relief.

“I can see why you needed someone there. Man, your Aunt Hallie was slightly terrifying.” Ashton’s observation made her laugh as they talked about the day and the possibilities of where they were going tonight.

When they reached London, Ash had to nudge her awake because she’d fallen asleep on his shoulder.

It wasn’t too late, so after stopping at a drive-thru for some food, once they were back at the busses, she followed after Ashton, knowing that the others would be on the bus too.

“So, any spectacular parties we can go to?” Cal grinned at her question.

“Yep. You ready to get drunk?”

“After today? Yes please.” Came the response and the group laughed.

“She’s not kidding, her aunt was tough as nails.” At that she snorted.

“Aunt Hallie just has her own ideas of what relationship I should be in. She’s relentless.” Ashton laughed as he went to put on a different shirt. She kept her outfit on, not bothering to go and change and soon enough they were piling out of the tour bus into two taxis.

Ellie and Cara were on her immediately as the taxi pulled away. Luke smirked at her.

“So what happened?” Ellie asked first and Cara pouted before giving her a pointed look.

“My aunt assumed that Ashton was my new fling. My younger cousin had her year made because he spent time with her and gave her his undivided attention. I’m pretty sure my family are ready to adopt Ashton regardless of me dating him or not.” Luke laughed.

“He’s good like that. Was it nice to see your family?” She shrugged.

“A few times we had close calls with my aunt being a somewhat piece of shit about my sexuality. But my parents didn’t want the day ruined with an argument, so she let it drop thankfully.” She explained and Luke hummed in return.

As they pulled up to the party and were greeted by various people, it felt good to just drink and let loose.

She wasn’t as tightly wound like she was at the start of the week and with each shot, she found herself gravitating closer to Michael as the night progressed. He didn’t argue this as they danced together, his hands on her hips and she pressed herself closer as more bodies joined the makeshift dance floor.

And she wasn’t entirely sure at what point she made the decision, but when she looked at him, the bass of the song reverberating through her body, she watched as his eyes dropped to her lips.

Using her arms around his neck, she inched closer, and he didn’t protest and before she could stop herself, their lips were barely centimeters apart.

“You can kiss me, y’know.” He breathed and she closed the gap between them, his lips soft against hers and she found herself entirely melting against his body as he pulled her closer.

His lips parted against her tongue and she could taste the alcohol as she kissed him, his tongue meeting hers and she could feel her heart fluttering. Their bodies were still moving with the music and she pulled away, her breath catching.

“Holy shit.” He whispered and before she could think much about it, his lips were on hers once more.

As the night progressed, she stuck to his side. He didn’t protest this as they continued to drink and soon the night began to blur together, the only solid thing her memory able to recall was the feeling of Michael’s lips against hers.

When she woke up the next morning, she was half draped across Michael, in his bunk. Unlike the start of the tour, she carefully pulled herself over and carefully climbed out. He barely moved as she got to her feet and plucked her jeans from the bottom of the bunk, shimmying them on before moving to the front.

The bus wasn’t moving so she assumed that they were at the venue.

Stepping through, she was met with three smirking band members and she froze.

“So.” Luke started and she could feel warmth spread to her cheeks.

“You two finally kissed.” Ashton continued and she took the spot next to Calum who raised an eyebrow at her.

“So bisexual, huh?” She simply slumped forward, her arms folding on the table and resting her head on them.

“Can you guys, not be smug assholes for like, five minutes?” They laughed and she whined at the noise levels. They fell silent when another dull thud was heard and her heartbeat picked up. She opted to keep her head on her arms, not wanting to look up.

“Let’s grab some breakfast. Pretty sure that one of the crew members said there was a McDonald’s nearby.” Calum’s suggestion was like music to her ears as they all greeted Michael before disappearing off the bus.

“Are you gonna look at me?” Her head shot up from her arms, wincing at the sudden movement which made him smile slightly.

Butterflies flooded her stomach at that smile.

“Do you want to talk about last night?” Her question was answered with a small nod and suddenly, every word disappeared from her lips. She couldn’t figure out what to say.

“Did you want to kiss me? Like, it wasn’t just because you were drunk?” Michael finally asked and she nodded her head.

“I don’t know if it escaped your attention, but I like you, dumbass.” He stared at her for a second.

“But, Allie?” She shook her head.

“She’s exclusively dated girls. I’ve dated both.” She clarified and understanding washed over his features followed by a grin.

“So you like me?” She laughed.

“Have done for a while now, Clifford.” They both chuckled before silence fell around them.

“How do you want to do this?” He asked and she hesitated before sighing.

“We’re technically working together. I’m your opening act. I know there’s like two weeks of tour left but-”

“It wouldn’t look good if we were public with any of this.” His body deflated and she moved from her spot, sliding herself onto his lap, straddling his legs so she could face him completely. His hands automatically rested on her hips, holding her there and his cheeks took on a pinkish hue.

He looked adorable in her opinion.

“Don’t think I don’t want to date you, because I do. But I don’t want to be public about it. Not yet, and especially not whilst we’re on tour. That’s just asking for trouble.” He nodded in understanding and when his gaze dropped to her lips, she smiled slightly.

“You can kiss me y’know.” She murmured his words from the previous night, making him smile before his lips connected with hers the second she finished her sentence. This kiss was sweeter, no alcohol fuelling these decisions and it wasn’t the first thing she could taste. Her body melded against his, his grip on her hips tightening slightly before their lips pulled away.

“The next two weeks are going to fucking suck.” He muttered and she giggled softly.

“I know, but when we’re away from prying eyes, you can kiss me all you want.” She hummed and his lips met hers in response.

They stayed like that until the boys came back and she reluctantly slid off his lap, sharing a soft kiss as she did so. This earned a wolf whistle.

“About time you two. Right, we have food and you both need to get ready for soundcheck soon.” Ashton reminded them both and they shared grins before accepting the breakfast offered and she settled against his side as they ate.

As they reached the end of the week, after the last UK show, both Y/N and Ashton rushed onto their busses to grab quick showers and a change of clothes.

She stuck to travelling in comfortable clothes and packed two changes of clothes. Ellie, Cara and Rich got onto the bus as she finished throwing her charger into the carry on and before she could leave Ellie pulled her into a tight hug.

The stress that had been building up all week dissipated somewhat at that.

“I needed that.” She muttered and Cara laughed.

“Hence why Ellie is the one giving you the hug. Just don’t get into any fights and we’ll see you in two days, alright?” She nodded her head and waved to them as she disappeared off the bus. Screams erupted as she emerged and she briefly waved to the groups of fans that were at the barriers.

She didn’t even hesitate as she punched in the code to get onto the bus and found Ashton emerging from the bunks, his carry on slung across the shoulder.

“No lover boy to see you off?” He teased and she rolled her eyes.

“I already got my kiss goodbye. Why, you need one from Cal?” She teased and he laughed loudly as they exited the bus once more. The screams grew louder as they headed to the waiting car for them, getting their stuff in before climbing in.

The journey was quiet, both of them on their phones as the headed down the motorway. It wasn’t as long as they’d anticipated, due to it being so late at night. But when they reached the house hours later, it was verging on three am and both were starting to lag by this point, yawns escaping them both every now and then.

As they crept into the house as quietly as possible, she guided Ashton to her childhood bedroom and when she flicked on the light, she felt her lips pull back into a wide smile.

The airbed was made up with blankets and pillows and her own bed had fresh covers on them judging by the note that was sat on her pillow.

‘Fresh blankets and clean sheets. See you both in the morning, love mum x’

Ashton chuckled as she switched her bedside lamp on and turned the main light off, helping Ashton find a plug for his phone charger before crawling under her covers, plugging her own phone in to charge.

“Night Y/N.” Ashton muttered quietly and she flicked the light off.

“Night Ash.”

When the pair woke the next morning, it was to the sounds of the radio and the smell of cooked food.

Rolling onto her side, she spotted that Ashton was awake and scrolling through his twitter feed.

“There better not be any sleeping photos, Irwin.” She mumbled as she stretched out on her bed and Ash laughed as he looked over to her.

“You’re good. I felt like being reasonably kind to you today.”

“You’re so nice to me.”

“I try.”

They laughed before she finally rolled out of her bed and Ashton got up. Grabbing her phone, the pair headed downstairs and were met with the sight of her mum cooking breakfast whilst her dad was sat at the kitchen table.

“Morning.” She kissed her dads cheek as she made her way to the fridge to grab some juice.

“Morning you two. How was the journey last night?” Her mum asked as she began to plate up the food. Ashton took a seat at the kitchen table opposite her dad.

“Not bad. It was quite on the motorway so we didn’t really hit any traffic. I think it was about three when we got in?” She hummed in agreement.

“Yeah, three sounds about right. Did you want some juice Ash?”

“Please.”

As they ate breakfast, it was mostly quiet as the two devoured their breakfasts, much to the amusement of Y/N’s parents.

“Do they not feed you on tour?” Her dad commented and she laughed.

“The boys eat like horses. However, we didn’t grab a bite to eat after the show last night. So I guess we’re kind of hungry.” She explained as she finished up her food before pushing the plate away.

Ashton followed her example a moment later.

“That was really nice, thank you ma’am.”

“So polite.” Her mum beamed as her dad collected the plates and did the last bit of the washing up. Once he was back at the table, her mum pinned her with a look..

“We realised that you’re probably going around to Allie’s today. What did you want us to do with your stuff?” At this, the two exchanged a look and this gained both of her parents attention.

“Little one?”

“Well, I kinda bought a house whilst I was out there. I got my citizenship because my job is technically based over there now. So it made it easier to apply.” She admitted and waited as the news sunk in for both of her parents.

“So you’re moving out there for good now?” Her mum’s tone broke her heart and she pressed her lips together, trying to find the right words but without hurting her parents feelings.

Ashton stepped in and rescued her.

“It’s easier for the artist to be based close to home for some record companies. Because Y/N is such a fresh face who has had a massive upswing with her music, like there wasn’t much promotion for her stuff, but she still managed to get number one in thirteen different countries. So with her moving to LA is beneficial on both sides of the fence. It also gives her more opportunities to work with different artists because despite the reputation that LA has, it’s the place to be to get your name out there.”

She could have honestly kissed Ashton in that moment.

“So you’re saying that it’d give her exposure?” Her mum clarified and Ashton nodded.

“Various artists and bands across all genres find themselves in LA. Making those connections are always crucial and she’s made the best kind of connections already. And it’s not like she won’t have friends out there.”

She watched as her dad processed the information.

“Dad?”

“It’s a lot to take in, you moving across the world. But this is what you’ve dreamed of since you were a little girl. Who are we to cause a rift because we don’t like the decision? We knew you’d have to fly the nest eventually, maybe not so far, but we expected it after you moved in with Allie.”

She let out a breath of air she hadn’t realised she’d been holding at his words and he smiled.

“Trust me little one, we will miss you, but this is your dream. You know we’ll support you regardless.” At her mums nod, her shoulders relaxed and Ashton nudged her side.

“Told you it’d be fine.” The playful jab made laughter ring around the table as she stood and stretched.

“I’m going to get ready. We need to collect the stuff from Allie’s sooner rather than later and then maybe tonight we can go out for dinner?” She questioned her parents who shared a look before nodding.

They both went and got ready, Ashton heading to the bathroom to get changed.

When they got downstairs, she picked up her car keys and called out a goodbye as they headed out of the door.

“Didn’t realise that you could drive.” Ashton commented as she slid into the driver's seat.

“How else was I going to get around for tour?” She snorted. “I’ll need to take my test in the states, but I can drive. I might sell this car and whatever money I get from it I can put towards a new car over there.” She mused as she made the achingly familiar journey.

As she pulled up, she noticed that the car was in the driveway and her breathing hitched.

“You’ve got this. C’mon.” Ashton encouraged, climbing out of the car. It was only when he opened her door did she move and finally got out of the car, slowly walking up to the house.

Knocking on the door, her heart plummeted as an unfamiliar face opened the door.

“Hi, how can I help you?”

“Uh, is Allie here?”

“Babe, someone at the door for you.” The stranger called back. Allie appeared moments later and her face dropped.

“Oh. Y/N. Hi Ashton.” He nodded at her in return and she looked away from him.

“I’ve come to collect my stuff.” Allie seemed to paused for a second before nodding.

“Yeah, uh it’s in the garage. Let me just, grab the keys for it.” She disappeared from the door for a moment before returning and the two followed behind Allie as she walked to the garage door.

“So, how was tour?” The words were hesitant and she could feel the burning frustration mixed with hurt bubble in her chest.

“Still on it.” Came the short response and she felt a minor satisfaction as Allie flinched at her tone.

Once the garage door was open, she showed the two where her stuff was being kept and she felt grateful that there was the small mercy of it already being packed away. She didn’t want to be here longer than necessary.

It didn’t take too long to load the boxes into the car, Allie standing by, watching the pair as they shifted the last of her stuff. Once it was done and the garage door was closed once more, Y/N fished around for her keys before finding the key to the house.

“Might want to give your new girl that one. Have a nice life, and I hope it works out for you.” The words were bitter, tired. But Allie simply nodded her head, clasping the key in her hand.

“Take care.” She whispered as the two headed back to the car and she eventually headed into the house.

She lasted five minutes driving before she had to pull over, her shoulders shaking and tears blurring her vision. Ashton didn’t hesitate as he wrapped his arms around her and allowed her to get it out of her system.

There was no rush as she cried, her body tired as the tears finally slowed and the sobs died down.

“Better?” She nodded.

“Better.”

---

With the weight of her move now off her shoulders, her parents promising to get her stuff shipped to her new place, the rest of the tour felt easier.

It was the last show in Madrid when she surprised fans with the song she felt that she couldn’t play before. But she knew that her heart was on the mend.

“Over the last few months, you guys have seen me pretty much hit rock bottom. I got my heart broken whilst I was mid-tour and it sucked. And this song, it was once her song. But it doesn’t hurt so much anymore. So this song, this song is for all of you. This is your song now.”

She could see the boys side stage as she danced and sang the song, the crowd singing the lyrics right back at her and it felt like relief flooding her bones.

When she finished her set and rushed off, she was swept into tight hugs from all of the boys, Michael patiently waiting till last as they moved away from the stage, his lips meeting hers softly.

“So you’re getting there, huh?” He teased and she grinned.

“Had some help from some amazing friends. But yeah. I’m getting there birthday boy.” She hummed and his lips met hers once more.

“Pack it in love birds, we need him coherent for the show.” Calum called over to the two of them, making her giggle as he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

“You guys suck. You need to be nicer to me on my birthday.” He called back and Calum rolled his eyes.

“It might be your birthday in Australia, but it isn’t here. Not yet. So no I don’t need to be nicer to you.” Calum fired back making the others laugh as Michael pouted.

“Don’t worry. It’ll be your birthday when we fly home.”

“Jet lag is gonna kick our asses.” She laughed as they got their ten minute stage warning.

“Yeah well, we’ll have days after your birthday to recover. So don’t fret. Now go be a good rockstar and enjoy the night.” He grinned, his lips meeting hers once more before vanishing after his bandmates.

The last show went off without a hitch and so began the journey to LA. And despite knowing she had her own place out there, when Michael offered for her to stay over at his when they landed, she simply nodded in agreement.

They’d barely had time to drop their stuff off at his before they were being picked up again and Michael kept asking her if she knew anything.

It was difficult to keep a straight face, especially when she was so tired, so she simply let her head rest on his shoulder, shrugging as she did so.

“I don’t know what’s been planned. I was just told to stick with you.” He snorted at that and settled before they arrived at the venue and as he entered, she found herself beaming as he greeted his parents with enthusiasm, despite how tired she knew he was.

She was quickly pulled over and introduced to his parents, both who spent their time talking with her whilst he greeted everyone, unable to contain his laughter as he saw his bandmates.

“It was like, thirty minutes ago I saw you three I think? It’s been a long time, man.” This earned him tired chuckles.

Thankfully, she wasn’t expected to mingle with everyone, so whilst Michael was catching up with his friends, she stuck to the guys, trying to keep herself awake as the night grew on.

“How close are you to passing out right now?” Ashton murmured and she giggled softly.

“You’re the reason I’m still stood upright, Irwin. You’re not allowed to move.” The two of them laughed before there was calls for cake and they finally moved closer, Michael’s eyes lighting up when he spotted her. He coaxed her to his side and she did so without much argument, her body fighting the exhaustion at this point.

“I know that there are some that want me to go out, but I’m ready to just crash if I’m honest.” He hummed and she grinned at him.

“Best idea you’ve had all day, Clifford.” This made him chuckle as the gathered group of friends began to sing Happy Birthday to him and his hand slipped in hers as he blew out the candles.

By the time the cake had been cut, she’d found herself sat next to him, her face nestled against his shoulder. She was beyond caring about what people would assume at this point, and when Michael pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head in full view of all of their friends, earning the whistles from his band mates, she relaxed.

“They won’t necessarily care that I’m this affectionate with you. But I can bet you that there will be photos all over the internet in the next hour of that.” He murmured and she snorted.

“Too tired to care. M’gonna worry about that tomorrow.” She hummed in return and he snickered.

When they got back to his place, instead of crawling into the guest room like she’d planned, unsure on what the sleeping arrangement was going to be, his fingers laced with hers and he pulled her into his room, the both of them getting changed into comfier clothes.

Crawling into bed beside him, she barely managed a whispered ‘goodnight’ before she was asleep, Michael following after almost immediately.

The next morning, or afternoon at least, when she woke up, she found herself happy enough to just remain cuddled into Michael, her eyes still heavy with sleep.

“Morning.” He groaned softly as she shifted onto her side to curl closer to him.

“Afternoon.” She fired back with a yawn and he laughed.

It took them both another hour to actually pull themselves from the bed, and that was when they realised that there was no food in his house and their stuff was in need to get washed.

“So much to do, too tired to care.” He groaned into her neck as they stood in the kitchen, her body leaning against his.

“I know, but we need food and we also need clean clothes. Especially for another party in a couple of days.” She kept the mention as casual as possible, but he spun her around with ease, her back pressing into the kitchen counter.

“Oh? And what party would that be?” He queried as his thumbs began to rub gentle circles on her hips.

“My housewarming party. Last time we were in LA, Ash helped me find a place to move into and get it ready for when we got back from tour.” His lips curved into a big smile.

“Look at you getting you own place,” he teased, lips meeting hers softly, “guess I have a better reason to clean my stuff now.” He murmured against her lips and she nodded in agreement.

“Yes you do. And you also have a reason to get your ass into gear and get breakfast. We’re both hungry and need to do something.” He laughed.

“Fine. But you’re coming with me. That photo from last night has probably done the rounds already. No point in trying to hide us now.”

“Considering that we’re not on tour anymore, I guess so. But I don’t want to be blatantly obvious about it.” She warned him, allowing him to pull her back upstairs to his bedroom.

“Fine.”

As they settled back into a routine, Y/N finally moving her stuff into her new place with the help of the boys, she found herself feeling more at home than she’d ever felt in England.

Her house party only seemed to enhance that as various friends celebrated her move in, amazed she’d managed to keep the move so quiet.

“Ashton helped me find a place and people aren’t willing to go against someone who looks like him. Plus because I wasn’t even moved into the place it was easy enough to get it off public record that I bought the house.”

She did her rounds with the various people, meeting new faces as well. She felt more welcomed as many greeted her with warm hugs and shouts of excitement at the fact she was moved into LA.

Alex especially had words to say, his arm slung around his wife.

“Listen, when I first met you, I just thought you’d be some punk kid, not going to lie. You were not what I expected at all.” He grinned at her and she rolled her eyes taking a swig of her beer.

Her eyes travelled to his bandmates who she’d extended the invite to, the only one declining was Zack, who was in Hawaii at the time.

“Listen, I didn’t expect you to be such a task master, but there you were, cracking the whip, trying to get me to work out that damn order for the album.” She snarked in return, earning laughter from the people surrounding the group.

Michael had slotted himself just behind her, his arm resting around her waist gently.

“Hey, it got you a kickass album, “ Alex fired back, “how is that coming along?”

“They’ve agreed to the twelve songs, six of which have been recorded or at least demoed. I’ve got Christmas off, so I’ll probably lock myself away and work on some more songs, at least get a tune down with the piano or guitar.” She explained with a shrug.

“If you’re lacking company at Christmas, we’re staying in LA this year, so you’re more than welcome to join us. You too, Mike.” Lisa offered and she beamed at the older woman.

“I’ll take you up on the offer. My parents know I can’t constantly fly there and back on a whim at the moment, especially whilst working on the album.” Alex nodded in understanding.

“It’s difficult, but you’ve got us and everyone else here, so you’re not short on guests or even places to go.” Y/N chuckled.

“It’s appreciated, trust me.”

She finally moved along to a few others, keeping a firm grip on Michael’s hand. He didn’t protest as they moved from group to group, talking about the album, the tour and everything in between. She knew this was the best choice she’d made in a long time.

It was after the houseparty, when almost all of the the guests had left, the housewarming gifts left on the dining room table, did she finally pull Michael upstairs, his lips curved up in an amused smile.

His lips were all over her as he pressed her into the bed sheets once their clothing was shed.

His name was the only thing that she could say coherently that night.

Waking up with him the next morning, his skin against hers, she realised how much she actually enjoyed the feeling especially knowing it was his arms she was waking up in.

Their journey to Australia wasn’t too bad. She was mostly jittery when Michael brought her around to his parents.

“I know you’ve already met her, but this is my girlfriend, Y/N.” He introduced the three of them properly, shocking her for a solid minute before her lips grew into this untouchable smile.

“So I’m your girlfriend, huh?” She teased him later that night as they lay together, cuddled tightly. He groaned.

“Would you like me to do a song and dance routine to ask you to be my girlfriend?” He murmured, shifting himself so that he was hovering above her, his lips at her neck.

“No, but clarification would be nice next time.” She breathed, a soft moan escaping as he found her sweet spot.

“Will you, please, be my girlfriend?” He murmured against her skin before pulling away, his eyes searching her face.

“Of course I will, dumbass.” His lips met hers once more.

His parents were easy going and she could see where his laid back nature came from.

“So are your parents going to be at the ARIA’s?” Karen asked the day before the awards show. She smiled ruefully into her cup of tea.

“I wish they were, but the cost of them to fly out was a lot more than I anticipated. So they’re going to be up stupidly early and try to watch a stream. But it’s the thought that counts for me, I know that my dad would’ve been there in a heartbeat if he could.” The two of them traded a quiet giggle as Michael followed in behind his dad, dropping a gentle kiss to her cheek.

“You okay?” He murmured and she nodded her head.

“Yeah, your rehearsal go okay?” Hers had been first thing that day, making her reluctant to leave the warm bed and her boyfriend. When she’d returned, he had already gotten up and left for his own rehearsal.

“Yeah. We’ve also seen the seating. You’re only a few seats away from us. Luke is next to Nicole Kidman.” This made her giggle.

Performing at the ARIA’s was certainly something she’d never expected to be doing, but the way that her song had been received, and seeing even the famous faces singing along, it melted her heart.

It was when she won Best Upcoming Artist that it really struck her that this was an actual event happening.

As she walked by the boys, she hugged all four of them, Michael’s lips lingering on her cheek for a moment before she rushed to the stage, her eyes staring at the award in her hand, shock being the only emotion that she could fully comprehend.

“This time last year, I had no idea where my life was going to go. I’d not long returned from LA I’d been offered the chance of a lifetime to not only record my EP with some incredible people, but I landed myself a record contract and chance of a lifetime. All I had was a finished single that was about to get released to the world and an EP that I was nervous about releasing. But seeing how quickly it gained traction, oh my god. I can only thank the people who have been so supportive of me, John Feldmann, Alex Gaskarth, the boys in 5 Seconds of Summer, my parents who are going to go ballistic over the phone when they see this.” This earned her laughter amongst the crowd.

“Just wow. Thank you so much for this.” She knew that she hadn’t been prepared, she hadn’t expected to win. But she had.

And when Michael found her later on, his smug grin said it all.

“I do believe I can say, I fucking told you so.” He teased her, crouching in front of her. She rolled her eyes.

“Yeah yeah, laugh it up.” She muttered before leaning forward and kissing him quickly.

“So much for not being so blatant?” He teased and she groaned.

“I really don’t care right now. I’m happy. I won an award I didn’t think I’d even be nominated for. Literally a year ago I was a nobody.”

“And look at you now. I’m telling you, your own world tour will be next.” This made her laugh as she shook her head and they were called back to their own seats.

True to prediction, her parents called her, her mum screaming in excitement and her dad rattling off about how proud he was. Michael had his arms around her as she felt the tears roll down her cheeks. This was what made the move worth it.

The news did its round of their kiss, and she knew that there would be plenty of articles trashing her, but she cared less when they returned to LA, his hand in hers as they left the airport.

“I guess this is making us a thing now?” He teased he as they caught glimpse of another article online. She groaned.

“Pretty sure you need to take me out to dinner first, Clifford. Boyfriend or not.” He laughed.

“So, dinner?”

She could only laugh as he kissed her soundly, her heart racing as she smiled into the kiss. Things would be just fine.

---

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There are some blogs who have changed their urls that I haven’t caught. Also there are a few I can’t seem to tag, please make sure that your blog is searchable. If you want to be added to the tag list, drop me a message.

[dovechim]

so it goes 02

➾ alien!jimin x reader

➾ 6.7k, fluff, smut

➾ a/n: some important revelations in this chapter for later! also, jimin asks: what is love? 👾

➾ summary: Park Jimin knows a lot about humans. of course he does, he studies them for a living. he knows that they say hello by holding hands, and when they say goodbye, they put their arms around each other. but this particular human, he notes, is unlike the rest- stuck in a slump, going about your day praying for the Universe to stage an intervention in the form of an alien abduction. when he decides to finally fulfil your wishes, he finds that you have a little something to teach him about what it means to live life on Earth the way you do: ugly crying, underwear and all. in return, he shows you the possibilities that abound if you simply adopted their mantra: everything is beautiful, and nothing hurts.

➾ 01 | 02 | 03

They’ve given you underwear now, so at least you weren’t embarrassed for nothing.

You’ve been informed by Hoseok that only males live on this part of the planet. The females form a separate colony of their own, and they don’t communicate or keep in touch in any way except for reproduction purposes, where the females get sent over every season. He ever so kindly offered to modify some of the clothing to fit your body a little better, apologising for the oversight on his part.

You could have stayed with him for hours just finding out more about this curious little planet, but you’re perceptive enough to realise that you’d be interrupting Hoseok at work. So you reluctantly ask for directions back to your room and take your leave.

You suppose it’s the same old routine, have a lonely dinner in the confines of your room and fall asleep on the luxurious sheets just waiting to be rudely awoken from this dream, nightmare, whatever it is. You still haven’t made up your mind.

But when you arrive back at your room, you realise that you’ve been left a tablet device with a message on it inviting you to dinner, and while a part of you is relieved at a change of routine, a fleeting moment of trepidation causes you to bury your face into the sheets.

You can’t turn down an invitation like this, who knows what they’d do to you? Besides, it’s not like you can hide in here forever.

Making your way to your closet, you finally change into the outfit that everyone else is wearing, but your fingertips graze the corner of your phone as you slip out of your jeans into the loose white pants provided. You haven’t had the chance to see if it’s still working yet, and while you definitely won’t have any cell service, maybe the more rudimentary functions will come in handy later. Holding your finger to the power button, you turn off your device and slip it into the waistband of your pants, which is thankfully taut enough to secure it before following the directions of the tablet to the dinner hall.

“Ah, what a pleasure it is to finally meet the Earthling.” A blond haired alien seated at the head of the table greets you as you arrive. Unsure of what the aliens would deem as appropriate manners, you can only nod back at him, eyes straying to Jimin who’s seated right beside you.

“Earthling, meet Yoongi. He is the highest rank of us all, and he’s in charge of defence and national security,” Jimin senses that you’re a little nervous, reaching over to pull your chair out for you and helping you to settle in.

“Nice to meet you too, th-thank you for having me.” Glancing around the table, you recognise most of the faces; Hoseok, Taehyung and Jeongguk are also present, which leaves one more face that is unfamiliar.

“Oh, that’s Seokjin, our head chef here,” Jimin follows your gaze to the alien seated opposite you. “He’s been preparing all your meals and sending them up to your room himself, but he got tired of it and decided that you should eat with us instead.”

“I’m sorry for causing you any trouble,” you say carefully, lacing your fingers together to keep from fidgeting. “If I’d known, I could have done something, or-“

All six of the aliens are obviously in on something that you’re not, because their marks are all flashing the same kind of sorbet yellow. Glancing at Jimin for the slightest hint, you see that his lips are curved slightly in… amusement? You bite your tongue to stop speaking immediately, terrified that you’d overstepped some custom or said something wrong, or-

“Calm yourself, little Earthling,” Yoongi is the first to speak, and judging by the look on his face, he doesn’t seem at all enraged, so you deem that your life is prolonged, at least for now. You belatedly remember that Jimin had told you they could all communicate telepathically, and you wonder what they’ve been talking about behind your back, or rather, right in front of your face.

“I’m not sure if Jimin has told you or not, but we are all connected telepathically, for ease of communication,” Yoongi carries on, reaching for his utensils, which is a sign for everyone else to do the same. “Our dinners are usually a silent affair, actually, most things on this planet are a silent affair. But I suppose we’ll have to make an exception for you.”

His last sentence is tinged with such ambiguity that you don’t quite know what to make of it, and you only have the gentle yellow marks, that are rapidly fading into a nondescript gray, on his cheekbones to go by. As everyone begins to tuck into their food, the lulling, camaraderie makes you feel a little at ease, relaxed enough to direct a question toward Hoseok.

“Wh- Is there a reason you picked humans to study? I mean, I’m sure there must be a million other species out here, and apart from the genetic similarities, I don’t see much other reason.”

The lavender haired alien considers your question carefully even as Yoongi seems to be listening with piqued interest. His attention on the conversation makes you feel a little ill at ease, and in fact, his entire demeanour, while not unlike his brothers in that very straightforward, no nonsense manner, still puts you off a little.

“Why not Earthlings, then?” A mischievous smile tugs on his lips as Hoseok throws your question back at you, and you roll your eyes at that word again. It was your mistake to start your question off like that.

“You guys seem pretty… peaceful here. Surely you must be baffled by all the unnecessary violence that occurs on Earth that we inflict onto ourselves. Warfare, cold blooded murder, rape, stuff like that. We surely haven’t mastered intergalactic space travel just yet, but if, or when we do, aren’t you afraid that we might bring our depravity here?”

“You’re giving yourself way too much credit,” Yoongi comments brusquely.

“Am I?” Something about his tone irritates you, and you can’t help but challenge the highest ranking alien at the head of the table. “Humans are the terrors of the Universe, someone once said.”

“You speak without knowledge of our planet’s own atrocities, Human,” Jeongguk steps in. “Whatever you’ve witnessed on your planet, we have also seen here. Today we may seem peaceful, but other days, we have wars as terrible and depraved as you can imagine, and worse. But there isn’t anything we can do about it, so we just don’t think about them.”

His logic seems incredibly bizarre to you, but no one else seems to find it strange, judging from their silence. “Just… ignore it?”

“We believe in spending infinity looking at the pleasant moments only, Earthling,” Hoseok clarifies. “If I remember correctly, that thing which you call free will; does not exist here. Everything is predestined the way it is, so there is no point harping on unpleasantness. The same reason there is no ‘why’. It just is.”

“And if you Earthlings are any wiser, you might think to adopt such a practice. Ignore the awful times, and concentrate on the good ones.” Yoongi’s blatant condescendence once again gets on your nerves, but you’re still trying to digest what Hoseok has revealed.

Yoongi seems satisfied at your silence, his marks burning a bright sorbet yellow as he continues with his meal. You seal your mouth shut, determined to pass the rest of this excruciatingly painful dinner without a single word, but something Taehyung says catches your attention.

“Speaking of atrocities, we should fortify the boundaries, brother. Our current numbers aren’t nearly enough to withstand a potential invasion-“

“Invasion?” You can’t help but blurt, causing all heads to turn toward you. Beside you, out of the corner of your eye, you catch Jimin’s fingers twitching irritably as he cuts into his meal with a little more force than necessary.

“Taehyung, business matters should be kept from the table,” Yoongi starts in an admonishing tone, but it seems very half-hearted, and he doesn’t make an effort to change the subject. “But yes, Earthling. We are currently facing a… volatile period with our neighbouring colonies.”

“Must we really discuss such matters during dinner, Brother?” Jimin’s voice sounds suddenly from next to you, and he sounds so tense that your eyes search the rest of the table, trying to puzzle out the reason for it. “I’m sure we could find a more appropriate place and time.”

Everyone is silent for a moment, but you can feel the tension of held breaths and tentative glances from the others sitting at the table. In the silence that follows, you can only assume that arguments are being held in the soundwaves surrounding your head, and the mental image itself gives you a headache. For a moment this reminds you of jousting matches between two knights, where they’d size each other up with calculating glares and stony expressions before charging and clashing into each other with the force of a battering ram. But what are they really fighting over? It can’t be as simple as merely discussing work issues at the table.

“You are right, Jimin,” Yoongi finally relents. “Besides, we aren’t being hospitable to our guest, are we?”

As the attention shifts towards you, you turn your gaze to the plate in front of you, dissecting your loaf of meat into smaller pieces before picking them up with your utensil with more concentration than required. But you can feel all eyes are still on you even as you chew, and desperate to escape the spotlight, you swallow hard, searching your brain for something to say. It doesn’t help that the taste of the lukewarm food lingers upon your tastebuds like the heat of a humid summer’s day. But before you can blurt out something stupid, Jimin clears his throat.

“So, Earthling, how are you adjusting to our cuisine? Would you by any chance have some tips for Seokjin?”

“That’s right!” The aforementioned alien sits up straighter in his chair, grinning at you in welcome even as he takes in the damage you’ve done to your meal. “Don’t be hesitant, Earthling, I’m very much interested in how you prefer your food to be consumed!”

The strange syntax of his sentences has you fumbling around for an answer. “Um, well… on Earth we tend to eat things that are almost steaming hot, like this meat for instance.”

“Oh, that’s fascinating,” Seokjin is intrigued, leaning in as if to indicate his interest. “What does ‘steaming hot’ mean?”

“It’s… um… we make the molecules in the food vibrate at a certain frequency,” you butcher the scientific explanation horribly, but Seokjin seems to understand, because his face lights up and his marks are a pale buttercup. “It makes them taste better.”

“Ah that’s it! I should try it next time, Hoseok, were you aware of this?” Seokjin has whipped out a device of some sort, similar to the ones Jimin and Hoseok use to take notes on and is currently tapping on the screen. “Make… everything… vibrate at a higher frequency… taste better…”

“Wait, but not dessert though!” Beside you, there is a small saucer of what seems to be liquefied dessert, an ice cream of sorts, and when you taste it, it is indeed the same temperature as everything else. “For this, we make it… vibrate at a lower frequency than everything else.”

His puzzled glance makes you wave your spoon around helplessly. “It becomes a solid when at a lower frequency, and…”

It’s only then that you realise how fucking weird your own species is.

*

You’ve never been more glad to escape a dinner table than this very moment, but the second Jeongguk puts down his utensil- you’d garnered that he is the most junior of them all- you slip out onto the adjoining balcony for some fresh air.

The temperature has dropped significantly, but the cover of night does little to mask the ethereal beauty of this planet. The luminescent hues of the plants are illuminated by the moonlight, glowing and begging for you to explore them. But a sense of self-preservation wins out, and instead you reach for your phone to try and snap a picture of it in the hopes of striking it rich if or when you get back home. Maybe this can be published in some sort of scientific magazine, or maybe even your own autobiography of your experience being kidnapped by aliens, or-

“What’s that, Human?” A voice from behind you nearly scares you into dropping your phone over the threshold into the darkness that looms below, if not for his quick reflexes that has his hand gripping your own securely.

Jimin’s marks are a faint purple, and you pull away from him almost immediately.

“Um, it’s my phone, it’s-“

“I know what those are, Earthling,” he chuckles. “Besides, I think you’ve had a pretty tough time here so far haven’t you? Having to explain all these things to us. But I think you’re doing a good job.”

His unexpected affirmation confuses you a little, so you settle for watching the marks on his cheekbones turn into a soft, gentle gray tinged with a little hue of pink, like the sakura blossoms in spring. The soft muted colours grab your attention, and you can’t help but notice how pretty they look on him.

“I apologise for Yoongi’s behaviour at dinner,” Jimin says finally, and your eyes shift from his marks to follow the metallic golden streaks on his biceps that catch your eye with every movement he makes. “He’s not usually like this, but I would advise you to stay away from him, Earthling.”

“Why do you keep calling me Earthling?” You can’t help but ask. “I have a name, you know. It’s ______.”

He turns to you in surprise, contemplating the question with a pensive frown as he meets your eyes, closing the distance between you as he takes a step closer. “I suppose we’re all used to calling you by the name of your species. It is what we have been doing for so long.” 

But his curiosity is now directed towards the device in your hands. “Can you show me what’s on there? Hoseok tells me that humans are pretty much attached to this device, it contains things like memories, useful information, things like that.”

When he puts it like that, in such a sentimental and overly romantic manner, a blush ignites your cheeks as you consider your original intentions of using it to record evidence of this entire escapade. Turning on the device, you wait for it to warm up before the lock screen presents itself, and before you can swipe past to unlock it, Jimin grabs your hand to get a closer look of it himself. 

“Wait, who is this? Another Earthling, I presume?”

He’s referring to the picture of Namjoon and you standing beneath the Eiffel Tower with exhilarated grins painting your faces, all wrapped and bundled up in matching scarves.

“Yeah. He’s a friend of mine, we spent the last few months travelling all over the world together-“

“I think I recognise him. He was with you a few moments before we picked you up. And also you’ve been with him for the past six months.” Jimin says, more for his benefit than yours. He still has his grip around your hand, bringing your phone up closer to his face for a closer inspection, which means that your arm is raised uncomfortably high to accommodate for his height. It still unsettles you a little to recall that he has been watching you since who knows when, but it slips your mind when Jimin steps up behind you, chest to your back. 

You can’t help but notice the cozy warmth that his body emanates as he crowds in close, chin hovering over your shoulder. Oddly enough, his proximity makes you feel at ease as he peeks over your shoulder, your arm now at a comfortable position, washing away all the unpleasantness that occurred at dinner, but you can only hope and pray that he doesn’t pick up on this emotion.

But you have nothing to worry about, because Jimin is still preoccupied with your lock screen. “You are happy here. With him.”

“I was,” you admit, swiping past the lockscreen finally to pull up your album of photos. “There are plenty more here. It’s just that we looked really good in that one, so I picked it as my lockscreen.”

Jimin doesn’t bother asking what a lockscreen is, since he’s more interested in scrutinising the photos of you, Namjoon and the both of you together, interspersed with random scenery shots. After a short moment of silence as you scroll past quite a number of pictures, Jimin exhales a warm puff of air right by your ear. “You’re right. You look the happiest there. Like you don’t have a worry in the world.”

Having mastered the art of scrolling, Jimin takes over from you as he blatantly flicks through your most intimate memories himself, but you can’t bring yourself to stop him. After all, he’s spent months or even years watching you, so how much more invasive can he get?

He pauses at a photo that you’d taken while at Disneyland, eyes bright in the reflection of the spinning carousel’s fairylights, a pair of ears sitting atop your head that Namjoon had mocked you for, calling you a basic bitch, but you still shelled out the cash to purchase anyway. There is a breathless laugh upon your reddened lips as you perch upon a prancing pony with an arched neck painted with gold embellishments, ears pricked and forelegs raised in a fanciful trot. You can almost hear the melodious tune of the carousel as you stumble upon this picture again, completely forgetting that you even took it.

“Actually, you’re wrong. You look happier here. And prettier too,” Jimin muses, and his tone is so unabashed that you’re a little taken aback, before you remember how straightforward they all are.

“Um, thank you.”

“You should set this as your ‘lockscreen’ instead.” Jimin suggests, turning to glance at you for a second, but it’s only met with a chuckle from you.

“How narcissistic would it be to have a lockscreen of my own face?”

“If I looked that good, I’d want to see it every day.” His comment seems less like a compliment and more matter of fact, so you don’t feel the need to thank him.  Jimin shrugs as if it’s no big deal, and you don’t question him, because he does seem like the kind who would stare at his own selfies for days on end.

Not that you blame him, he is attractive, and no doubt would be considered so on Earth. Even with his marks, he resembles a golden cherub, especially when he smiles and those cheeks round out into a measure of his exuberance. All he needs is a halo and some wings.

You tear your eyes away from him, feeling the need to put some distance between you, especially as you start to notice how firm his chest feels against your back. But his arms are caging you in, and you can’t escape his hold without applying some kind of force.

“Is he your romantic partner?” Jimin questions with wide, imploring eyes, and you frown for a moment before realising that he means Namjoon.

“I bet you’d know, since you were watching me anyway.”

Jimin only rolls his eyes. “We don’t watch you constantly, Human. Only monitor your emotions. The only time we’ve been watching you that closely is when we were deciding when to pick you up.”

“No, he’s not my romantic partner.”

“But you have romantic feelings for him?”

Once again, you deny it.

“Hmm. Interesting. He seems to have romantic feelings for you, though.” Jimin ponders as he taps a finger to bring your screen to life again.

“How do you know? I thought you could only sense the six basic emotions. Love isn’t one of them.”

“No, it isn’t,” Jimin admits, swallowing hard as he considers how he came to this conclusion.

Love is a uniquely human emotion, he’d surmised, completely unnecessary for biological reproduction, and yet, Earthlings seem to place an utmost importance on it. Most Earthling mates are bonded together by this emotion. He isn’t very good at identifying it yet, but one thing Jimin does know is that this emotion called love complicates things, twists one’s perspectives and blinds them to the other’s faults and imperfections.

How does he know? Jimin himself has been struggling to come up with a rational explanation for the existence of this emotion that would satisfy Hoseok, but all he has are those that he’s picked up from Namjoon. Hoseok had dismissed it purely as happiness because the two of you were out exploring the world together, but he was certain that it had been something more profound than that, larger in magnitude. It had been a flutter in his chest every time Namjoon looked your way, a slight acceleration in heartbeat, a loss of breath sometimes.

The sudden tingle in his chest doesn’t seem all that foreign to him after all, Jimin realises as he sneaks a glance your way. The realisation makes his grasp slip on your phone, and struggling to keep a hold of it, he hears the sound of a snapshot, and glances toward the screen in surprise.

He draws away immediately, shoving the device back into your hands in a mild panic. “Apologies, Earthling, I didn’t mean-“

He seems a little too flustered over having accidentally taken a photo, but you let it slide. To gloss over the sudden awkwardness, you ask him for some intergalactic secrets that will earn you lots of money when you take them back to Earth. “That is, if you’re planning to return me at all?”

Jimin only frowns. “What is ‘money’, Earthling?”

There is a pause from you as you consider how to best explain this. “Um, well, money can be exchanged for goods and services on Earth. It’s considered really important, to the extent that people have done horrible things for it. People have been driven to insanity by it, controlled by it when they should be controlling it instead.”

‘Well… I can tell you how the Universe ends. If you really still want this money of yours,” Jimin shrugs nonchalantly even as you gasp in horror.

“I-is it because of Earth? Did we somehow manage to nuke the entire outer space?”

“No,” Jimin frowns again, and you’re beginning to recognise this gesture as a sign that you’ve used a term he doesn’t understand, or said something incredibly stupid. This time, it’s the latter.

“The Universe ends when one of our pilots is test driving a spacecraft’s time traveling features. He presses a button, and the Universe disappears,” Jimin says conversationally, all while you’re trying to withhold your exclamations of horror. “So it goes.”

“But can’t you stop it, if you know this? Why can’t you stop them from developing this new technology, keep him from pressing that button, destroy all spacecrafts, or-“

“You misunderstand, Earthling,” Jimin shakes his head with a laugh. “It is destined to happen, no matter what we do. The moment is structured that way, he has always pressed it, we will always continue to let him. That is why we don’t focus on the awful times and instead look at the pleasant ones, like this moment, for instance. Isn’t this a nice moment?”

“I guess it is.”

*

Your stay on this little planet hasn’t been all that unpleasant. Most days, you’re left to your own devices and you see it fit to go accompany Hoseok in his research lab. He’s more than happy to have you over, gushing over how much of a genius you are when you scan down his list of unsolved mysteries regarding Earthlings and answering them easily.

“What is this strange gesture that Earthlings do all the time?” Hoseok taps his list, and belatedly realises that for a change, you’re frowning at him instead. “Oh, come here and I’ll demonstrate.”

When you’re beside him, staring at the multitude of screens with paragraphs of unrecognizable symbols upon them and just about to ask if this is their written language, Hoseok grabs your hand in his. You look down at your hands in mild surprise, noting the way your palms are clasped together.

“This?” You ask, raising your hands to his eye level. “We hold hands for a multitude of reasons. The most basic one is for comfort and security. Mothers hold their children’s hands to lead them and make sure they don’t get lost, but when we become adults, holding someone’s hand is like telling them that you’ll be right beside them, leading and accompanying them at the same time.”

“So… for guidance, mainly? But if you don’t know the way, you could just consult a map,” Hoseok seems to miss the point entirely, and you pat his hand gently.

“Not in such a straightforward way. It’s like… when you ask someone to hold your hand, it’s asking them to stay with you through the good and the bad times. It provides a physical connection that’s reassuring, and it can be both platonic or romantic, depending on the people involved, and how they do it.”

Hoseok seems intrigued, and although you can see him itching to type away, he restrains himself to glance up at you, one more question on the tip of his tongue. “How do they differ?”

“When they do it like this,” you interlock your fingers with his so that they form a criss-cross, “it’s slightly more intimate and romantic. But my personal favourite is this one.” You let go of his hand entirely, hooking your pinky around his as the rest of your fingers curl into your palm, and Hoseok mimics you uncertainly.

“What does this one mean? I’ve never seen Earthlings do this.”

“It means a secret promise.” You allow your pinkies to linger like this for a while, watching Hoseok’s marks glow a sorbet yellow that slowly turns a dusty rose. “It means I promise to never leave you.” 

It seems like the lavender haired alien is blushing at your cheesy lines, but you know better than to interpret his facial expressions and marks the way you do with Earthlings. They probably have a whole other complicated system as to what these colours mean, so you give his pinky a light playful squeeze just to see the marks on his cheekbones flare a deeper fuchsia. 

And then Hoseok breaks away abruptly, turning back to his screen as he avoids your gaze entirely.

“Jimin is asking for you, you should go to him.”

Belatedly realising that Jimin must have sent for you telepathically, you wonder just how much of this prior moment he was privy to. Even the other night where he’d scrolled through your memories on your phone, were his brothers listening in through that telepathic connection?

A shiver travels up your spine as you imagine Yoongi having access to your most intimate moments, but then you chide yourself, because he surely has more important things to do than keep tabs on an Earthling like you.

Just the same, you’ll have to ask Jimin just how far these telepathic connections go.

He seems to be expecting you when you knock on his door, so you let yourself inside as he stands from his seat. His marks are a dark, brooding navy, a sharp contrast to his light, textured blonde hair.

“Earthling,” he says by way of greeting. “I wanted you to- wanted to ask you to show me more of those memories you have on your phone.”

The way he corrects himself does not go unnoticed, and you pat your pockets for your phone before realising that you’d left it in your room. “Oh, I think I left it in my room. I’ll just go get it real quick, and-“

“I’ll come with you,” Jimin offers, his marks lightening to a more neutral shade of blue now as he heads for the door. “I’ve been cooped up in here for way too long anyway.”

Along the way, you remember what you’ve been meaning to ask him, and Jimin chuckles in response.

“Don’t worry, Earthling, we can block our mental thoughts and sensory experiences when we need or want to, to maintain a sense of privacy,” he reassures you. “I do it all the time when I’m with you.”

“What about just now? Was Hoseok doing it too?”

Jimin considers your question carefully, taking his time to formulate his response as you reach your room and push the door open. He hasn’t quite come to terms with that stifling feeling in his chest when he’d seen you and Hoseok doing that strange gesture, or when he’d seen Hoseok’s marks turn pink. All he knows is that he had to summon you immediately, and he surmises that maybe it’s a bid for all your attention to be on him only.

He knows he likes it when you’re only looking at him.

“No, he wasn’t, that’s why he received my message for you.” Jimin answers truthfully.

You accept his answer, striding over to your dresser to pick up your phone. “Here it is, we can go back to your lab now, or maybe you’d like to go outside? Seeing as you’ve been cooped up-“

“No need,” he rejects you easily. “We can do it here.”

You swallow hard at how direct he is, but force yourself to brush it aside as he settles himself on the edge of your bed. You try not to admire how the loose white fabric bunches around his thighs, betraying thick banded muscles that look firm to the touch, or how the v neck of his top plunges to reveal a toned chest. When he motions that you sit beside him, you can only shoot up a quick prayer to the Gods, if they can even hear you, for a semblance of self-control.

Jimin has one leg tucked up beneath him, body angled toward you as you settle beside him, mirroring his position. “Show me more, Earthling.”

“What do you want to see?”

He only shrugs in response, so you open up a random album of pictures and start describing them to him, keeping your screen brightness low so that it doesn’t deplete your battery too badly.

Which was a bad idea, because Jimin, on the grounds that he can’t see, takes it upon himself to wedge his body closer to you, leaving a sliver of space between your bodies as he stretches one leg behind you, the other curled around your right leg, thighs almost touching. The intense proximity has your brain immediately going hazy, and you immediately turn back to the current picture, which is a colourful array of pastries and desserts that you remember gorging yourself on.

“These were the most expensive desserts we ever had, but it was so worth it. Looking back, we probably shouldn’t have bought them, but we figured we would regret it if we didn’t. I wish I could go back there for more,” you sigh wistfully.  

“Why are you describing everything as if it’s happened in the past?” Jimin is listening intently, pewter gray eyes fixed on yours, and his marks are glowing a calm sunset orange.

But his question puzzles you. “Wh-what do you mean? All this happened already, these moments are in the past, gone and dusted, that’s why.”

Jimin’s eyes lighten in understanding. “Ah, it must be an Earthling perception of time, then.” When you don’t respond, he goes on to clarify. “You said you wanted to go back to this period of time so badly. That this feeling, this nostalgia, makes you miss the past that has already gone. But we see it differently here.”

Reaching over your shoulder, he scrolls back a couple of pictures which you’d already shown him, stopping at a panoramic view of snow-capped mountains that you remember driving past in a near blizzard, car tires skidding on black ice. “This stretch of mountains, you see it all at once, do you not? We see time the same way. Past, present and future all exist simultaneously, we can choose to look at any moment we please, but ultimately, they all occur at the same time. Every single moment is permanent.”

“Oh.” Your simple response is incongruent to the racing thoughts clouding your mind, one of which ironically and ruefully notes that yet another intergalactic secret has been revealed to you. Such a complicated concept can’t possibly be dreamt up, you’re not that smart, and little by little, you’re starting to believe that all of this isn’t a dream, it’s your reality. And the warmth of Jimin’s body certainly helps to hammer that truth home.

“So when you said you want to go back, it is illogical, because in a sense, you are already back there,” Jimin glances at your side profile, but your gaze is fixed on your screen. He doesn’t know how much of this you believe, but he’s not picking up much on his radar right now other than an undercurrent of happiness.

Because of him? Jimin doesn’t allow the thought to formulate.

But the emotion quickly fades into sadness again, and this time, Jimin actually sees moisture well up in your eyes. A mild panic rises within his chest, he knows that Earthlings tend to leak moisture from their eyes when they are particularly upset, it’s called crying, but Jimin doesn’t know if he’d done anything to generate this reaction.

“Earthling…” He starts, but you cut him off.

“Thanks for that, Jimin. Really,” you glance over at him, blinking back the tears, and you can only blame your sudden outpour of emotions on them. “I mean, I know I’m not on Earth anymore, so the laws of time and space probably don’t apply here. But the thought of all those moments still existing, there being a possibility that I am back there, being the person whom I always wanted to be, instead of this worthless, emptiness… that’s quite nice actually.”

Your tirade trails off into an incredulous laugh, and you figure that Jimin must think that you’re insane. But at this point, you’re already so far gone, so might as well admit to a strange, handsome blonde alien something that you’ve never had the guts to tell anyone. Why not? It’s not like he’d tell anyone on Earth. “Anyway, I’ve been having a really hard time, lately. Thank God you kidnapped me, or else-”

Jimin’s never heard your voice like this before, he can only describe it as raw, completely honest, and something in him wavers a little when he senses your overwhelming sadness wash over you. Guided by an unknown instinct, he brings his hand to your chin, fingertips guiding you to turn your head to face him, and then you are merely a breath’s distance away from him.

He’s aware that his marks are glowing a gentle rose hue, but he also feels the tinge of nerves in his stomach as he leans in closer, attempting to do what he’s observed Earthlings do so many times. He isn’t sure if he will be able to do it right, but the sight of your wet cheeks spurs him on nonetheless, and he carefully meets your lips with his own plush ones, thumb caressing your cheek gently.

The sensation of your lips against his is foreign, but not unpleasant, and his tongue darts out to lick your bottom lip. The rest of your body freezes against him for a moment, and Jimin frets over whether this is entirely inappropriate or not, but then you relax against his touch, eyelids fluttering closed. The way your wet eyelashes kiss your upper cheek has him entranced, even more so when you start to move your lips against his, and then there is a strange fluttering in his chest, a sense of contentment that fills every single pore as you start to kiss him back.

Jimin could get used to this.

You pull away first, eyes wide and questioning, and Jimin detects a mix of happiness and surprise. To distract himself from how much he wants to kiss you again, his hand finds yours buried in the bedspread, remembering your conversation with Hoseok and wanting to surprise you, he hooks his pinky with yours the way he saw you do it.

“When we see a person in a bad place, or going through a tough time, all we think is that he is in a bad condition in a particular moment. But that same person is completely fine in plenty of other moments.” There is a faint glow of warmth within his chest that he recognises as happiness, but only this time, Jimin can’t seem to delineate whether it’s coming from him or you.

You glance down at his pinky- adorably short for his size, you realise- hooked around yours, enthused by the knowledge that he had been watching over your conversation with Hoseok after all. You squeeze his pinky like you did Hoseok’s, the only difference is, you feel your heart tighten at the same time, as if it was being squeezed as well.  

“In this moment, I’m more than fine.” 

*

“Jimin, I get it!!” Hoseok bursts into Jimin’s lab, a shock of lavender hued hair and barely restrained excitement. “I get what you’re talking about now!”

Jimin is annoyed at having been interrupted as he glances up over his screens at the other alien. He might not have been doing much before this, being far too distracted by the memory of your lips on his, but the lavender haired alien doesn’t need to know this. Running his hand through his hair wearily, he waits for Hoseok to elaborate.

“The emotion which you call love, I felt it, with the Earthling.”

Jimin draws in a deep breath, struggling to keep his emotions at bay and hide them from the other alien. But it’s no use, he can feel his marks glowing an ugly shade of plum even as he feigns indifference, typing nonsense into his data sheet.

“Oh? What did you feel, exactly?” Jimin casts a brief glance at Hoseok’s enthused expression. “You know, I’m starting to think maybe I was wrong, it was just a conjecture on my part-“

“No, you were absolutely right,” Hoseok cuts him off, his words tripping over each other as he hastens to explain himself. “Humans do experience this emotion, and it’s odd really, because it feels different from what you described with the Earthling’s partner, Namjoon, was it? Anyway, you said his was more of a- euphoria? While I detected more of a nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I was going to throw up-“

“My Earthling doesn’t have a partner,” Jimin clarifies, and his statement causes Hoseok to freeze in his tirade.

“Your Earthling, you say?” Hoseok narrows his eyes at Jimin, and the blonde alien can’t help but feel antsy under his scrutiny. “Brother, why this sudden ownership over the Earthling? Could you be-“

“You read too much into it,” Jimin hastens to correct himself, because there’s a feeling in his gut that tells him that he can’t trust anyone, not even his brothers. Or maybe it’s a sense of protectiveness towards you, but he can’t let anyone know about what happened that night in your room. Hoseok would reprimand him, or worse, for getting attached to what he deems as a test subject, and there’s no doubt as to how Yoongi would take the news.

Jimin was the one who brought you to this planet, and likewise, he’d be the one to keep you safe.

“I merely meant that she was my responsibility, and seek to suggest that all interactions be limited to myself only,” Jimin meets the other alien’s eye with a stony determination. In reality, he knows that Hoseok is higher in rank than him, could easily report him to Yoongi for insubordination, or have him suspended entirely. He needs to tread carefully. “After all, we do not want to risk corrupting the test subject with too many host influences.”

The mention of test subject does the trick; Hoseok seems to believe him even as the term leaves a bitter taste in Jimin’s mouth.

“Alright, but do be cautious, Brother. Remember, she is merely a test subject after all.”

“Noted, Brother.” Jimin answers tersely, nodding his head in dismissal.

[anti-onion-posts]

Onision and Narcissism

Prepare yourselves, this is long. 

At the end of this it seems as if I am being sympathetic towards Onision, in a way I am but he is still a garbage human being in my opinion. 

When it comes to Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) like every other psychological disorder there are certain criteria that need to be filled for an individual to be diagnosed. 

10-13% of the general population have some form of a personality disorder as suggested by a study done by Weissman (1993), these people can merge into the general population. Most have more than two personalities disorders. There are three clusters when it comes to PD's, Cluster A - odd and eccentric, B - attention seeking and selfish and C - anxious and fearful. Narcissistic personality disorder falls under cluster B - attention seeking and selfish.

Traits of NPD:

·         Has a grandiose sense of self-importance.

·         Preoccupied with fantasies; success, beauty, power or love

·         Believes that they are unique and can only be understood or/and associate with others that have a high status.

·         Needs to feel excessive admiration; they will fish for compliments and will be highly susceptible to forms of flattery.

·         Feels entitlement.

·         Interpersonally exploitative; they will use others to achieve their goals.

·         Lacks empathy; they are either unwilling or unable to recognize or identify with others feelings.

·         Envious of others or believe that other people are envious of them.

·         Arrogant and shows rude and abusive behaviours and/or attitudes.  

 Now, I touched upon something on one of my firsts posts which is something I’d like to go in more detail about.

Onision is what I like to call an insecure narcissist.

Recently there has been some advances in clinical and empirical studies for NPD which recognized that narcissism can be co-occurring with vulnerability; inferiority, insecurity, etc.

(Note: Personally, I believe that an insecure narcissist can be/is more dangerous than an individual with NPD. Unfortunately, it is hard to back up this claim as research in this area is hard to come by.)

Let’s have a look at some of these traits and how easily it is to tie them to Onision.

Criticism

When it comes to criticism or anything that is remotely assumed to be an interpreted as negative whenever that be evaluating personality, performance and behaviour. Individuals with NPD will be highly reactive to it.

Even if it is constructive criticism.

Why?

From this they will be forced to come to terms with admitting some form of vulnerability and in return they will act defensively. Whenever that be through attempting to falsify evidence, lying, attempting to change the subject or respond to it in a way that they have been asked something that is not relating to the subject.

The ability to accept criticism comes from how secure we feel as a person as well as our resilience.

‘’But aren’t narcissistic secure? They have huge egos.’’

That would be correct, yes, however their ego maybe oversized and/or artificially inflated this can’t be viewed as being either secure or resilient. It can be very easily punctured so when they are criticised they show themselves to be poorly incapable of holding any emotional poise and receptivity.

(Receptivity: able or quick to receive knowledge, ideas.)

However, despite not being able to accept criticism they will demonstrate an abnormally developed capacity to criticize others. There are two common terms that are using in psychoanalytical literature and these are; narcissistic injury and narcissistic rage.

Injury:

Results from childhood; deficient parents not being able to nurture them. They don’t feel parents love which is prerequisite when it comes to self-love. Meaning that a parent’s love is needed to build a basic understanding of what ‘love’ is.

Therefore, they need to contently prove themselves by claiming superiority over others by doing this it can condition them to feel as if they are ‘good enough’ to be loved. In return this simply in time alienate them.

(Just as a note, not all children will react in this way not every child with bad parents will grow to become narcissists.)

This is also the same when it comes to rejection and we all know that Onision doesn’t handle rejection well. An example of this would be when Shane Dawson refused to collab with him it’s was insulting to him, and he took it extremely personally. ''How dare this person not want to work with me'' easily translates into, ''How dare this person reject me?''

Watch his video he made on his patrons leaving after his comments on the Manchester bombings, them taking away their pledge to him = them rejecting him.

Rage:

Due to being incredibly sensitive to criticism as this can bring feelings of anxiety, so to safeguard themselves they will react with defiance or with verbal violence. This is narcissistic rage.

They go to great lengths to invalidate the person criticising them; to achieve such dismissal of the individual criticising them, they'll do everything possible to negate their viewpoint. And this can include much more than blaming or challenging them.

‘’You did this wrong.’’

‘’Show me, show me the evidence of what I did wrong. Oh, you don’t have evidence on you? Well you are the one who is wrong, not me.’’

Narcissists are prone to these rages and will sacrifice others for personal gain - His multiple videos on Billie which ultimately lead to her public humiliation, so he could have something to talk about in his YouTube videos. He sacrificed her confidential information, so he could get monetary gain.

Check out his video when it came to him reading his book reviews he couldn't handle the negative criticisms that was left. He will deflect, and he will divert until he can escape that feeling, that notion that everyone gets when they are rejected. This leads to the second stage of his psychosis; The superiority complex, which is an extreme defence mechanism to remove himself of all criticism and responsibility while pinning it on others.

It's the ''It's not my fault, they're stupid because they don't understand, no it's not me, right?''

When their position has been exposed as false they will become evasive and articulate lies or half-truths and will flat out contradict themselves (sound like someone we know?) this can be to such a degree that it can leave the people watching this happen sit back in disbelief.

A big cause for the feelings of anger and rage in a moment is that they will externalise the more painful anxiety or shame related emotions. They will feel these types of emotions, or remembering a time in the past where they have been humiliated and transfer these unwanted feelings to another.

‘’I’m not stupid, you are!’’

‘’You can’t say I have NPD, are you a doctor? No? Exactly, stupid.’’

If the individual that the rage is aimed at has no idea why the outburst took place a sudden explosion of this rage will more than likely leave them feeling confused and maybe even frightened to express their opinion again.

Low self-esteem

Being constantly driven to prove themselves to both the people around them and them, this leads to a low self-esteem. This is the self-doubting and recessive part of them and they try hard to make sure that it is well hidden from sight. Once again this is coming with the feeling of fear of inferiority.

They will use many defence mechanisms to hide this:

·         Posturing exceptionally high self-esteem.

·         Fishing for compliments.

·         Bragging about their (exaggerated) achievements.

The ‘misunderstood special person’ which include notions such as:

·         ‘’I’m special.’’

·         ‘’I’m one of a kind.’’

·         ‘’I’m ahead of my time.’’

·         ‘’I’m so unique no one understands me.’’

·         ‘’I’m so much smarter than everyone else.’’

These are coupled with the common traits of NPD and construct a superficial belief that they are exceptional and for insecure narcissists it creates a reassuring role a second skin that they can live in which hides their true self.

Self-righteous and defensive

Needing to protect an overblown but incredibly fragile ego their defense system can be very easy to set off. When they are challenged the survival depends on being right or justified instead of just admitting that they are wrong or apologising.

‘’Onision has apologised before!’’

Yes, yes, yes but look at the circumstances of the apology everything that Onision does is a strategic move even when it comes to apologising.

He will say something bad.

People will be outraged.

He defends what he said.

Loses subscribers/patrons = losing money.

Onision: ‘’Hey guys, I’m sorry for what I said.’’

He apologises when he needs to do damage control because he has been pushed to do so, not because he wants to genuinely apologise for what he said. This pulls back his fans into defending him again.

‘’Does anyone remember what he said about (X)?’’

‘’Yeah, but he apologised!’’

I will admit and say that this is a very smart strategy and it clearly works it’s just a shame that his fans don’t see this move; they don’t see that he uses them as his first line of defence when it comes to protecting himself from criticism.

Furthermore, individuals with NPD have a ‘my way or the highway’ attitude they are stubborn, completive and insistence that their point of view is correct coupled with their feeling of being self-righteous.

This is to hide their underlying doubts about not being good enough and the more self-righteous (mostly exaggerate and puffed up by themselves) they are the more they will feel endangered by a conflicting opinion.

Projecting

To hide that they are insecure they will redirect any unfavorable traits that they have to someone else. As they cannot deal with being imperfect as their emotional capability is underdeveloped.

Hint: Social repose.

Poor boundaries

They view people as objects that exist primarily to serve their own needs – putting their own needs in front of others as well, even their own children – this is known in literature as ‘narcissistic supplies’ since others are regarded to cater to their personal desires.

Their boundaries are unevenly developed and will prompt them to dominate in conversations where it is inappropriate and share intimate details about their life. Such as over sharing their private life and disclosing information that others wouldn’t; as what they are sharing would be humiliating.

Yet with insensitivity to how others will react to their words, they’re highly likely to blurt out things or even boast about them; even if it will be views as tasteless and/or offensive. To add on to this, they will often ask other questions that are far to person or intimate. Such situations can be particularly difficult for the other person if the narcissist is in a position of authority over them so that not responding could, practically, put them in some jeopardy.

Someone with NPD will share with pride how they have chewed someone out and expect the people around them to be impressed by what they have done.

Relationships

Narcissists have issues (or they are in able) when it comes to connecting with people; they will instead focus on something else whenever that be:

·         Work

·         Social networking

·         Books

·         Games

·         Fantasies

During relationships though they will ‘set things up’ this is common in intimate relationships and if they are married they can be incredible hard on their spouse. They need to see themselves as perfect so when their spouse makes a mistake in that moment they will attempt to remove themselves from their partners and can be extremely unkind even brutal when they react to them.  

Conclusion

When an individual with NPD has these defences, they will not grow as a human being and will not take responsibility for their lives. They are bound in a stagnate two-dimensional world where they only see black and white; grey areas do not exist.

They remain empty emotionally and lack the strength that would let them be genuinely vulnerable to others. There is a consent need to fill what they never had as a child, the relationships that they have when older show a strong level of detachment.

They are not free to change so Onision is a lost cause trying to change the way he thinks will never work. He is unable to change as he doesn’t want to be wrong, he can’t stand to be wrong. He is a text book case of a multiple of the cluster B personality disorders; displaying characteristics of Histrionic, Narcissistic and Borderline personality disorder.

He has a strong desire for attention and the continuous change in his persona - therefore he can't keep to an opinion and is often seen as a hypocrite - and his strong reactions to rejection is what leads him to a vicious cycle that deteriorate him as a person. I personally believe that he is afflicted with a mental disconnection, he is not aware of his illness and can't be made aware of it by normal means. He is emotionally dangerous to anyone that interacts with him. It is because of this mental disconnection is why when people mention that has some form of a mental disorder he defensively denies the claim. He is in this consent cycle and will never be a complete person.  

Narcissists are victims but at the same time they are the perpetrator too.

Narcissists are made not born.

[whipped-for-kpop-fics]

BTS meeting a shy, tattooed, male fan

You were nervous. If that fact doesn't take understatement of the year award, you'll be jungshook. It was your first time meeting an idol group and you can bet your sweet arse you had spent the whole ride there trying to mentally prepare yourself. Being shy was a pretty average day for you and usually, you could get through it without caring too much about how others percieved you. But, you weren't about to meet your bias group most of the time.

You were in line, waiting to be let in to meet the seven males of BTS. Looking around, you weren't entirely surprised that most of those waiting were female, unlike yourself. BTS are a bunch of incredibly good looking, talented guys, of course the majority of their fanbase consisted of females. But, it didn't bother you. Sure, their exciteded yells were higher in pitch and sometimes, that really fucking hurt but hey, they were just excited and if you had those vocals and weren't so shy, you'd deafen those around you too.

Suddenly, the doors open and your body tenses. You almost back out, all the negative scenarios running through your mind but, you push aside those thoughts and follow the crowd inside, getting your ticket checked as you enter.

Surprise settles in your body when you step into a small room, and you were sure it was evident on your features. Instinctively, you look around, searching for the stage and table you thought would be there. In all the videos of fan signs you had seen, the idols were up on stage, sat behind a long table to meet the fans. But, there was no table, no stage. You weren't sure if you should panic further or relax a little when you look around to see other ARMYs looking as confused as you. Adrenaline was really starting to pump and your fight or flight instincts were buzzing, ready to do whatever you felt necessary. This really wasn't what you prepared for. Now your whole plan was thrown out the window, the wind taking it far away. You feared that if they lead you through to another room, a room you had prepared yourself for with the table and stage, your preperations would be too far gone and you'd be left to flail.

Music starts to play softly, background music so everyone could relax more. But it did very little for your nerves. You were still looking around desperately, trying to find a hint of what to do. Part of you really wanted to run but there was security at the doors you came in, still checking tickets of fans entering. You look down at the ticket stub in your hands and grit your teeth with determination. Getting your hands on BTS fansign was no easy feat, for both your mental state and your wallet. It cost a shit ton and you had saved for a long time. You couldn't back out now; if only so you didn't get home and curse yourself out for wasting so much money.

A good ten minutes pass and the doors had closed, signalling that was all the fans for the event. You had grown a little more accustomed to the whole situation so you had settled yourself into a chair off to the side where you could still see everything that was going on.

ARMYs were talking in groups, big and small, making new friends and swooning over their bias'. Sometimes, someone would look over at you sympathetically, but you'd just smile reassuringly, telling them you were comfortable on your own. Plenty of people offered conversation, asked if you would like to join them but you were happy sitting there, watching others interact. Seeing other people enjoying themselves, laughing and smiling genuinely made joy swell in your chest. You had always preferred to watch and put others happiness first. Because if other people were happy, you could be happy too. Most people just didn't understand and think you're anti social. You had stopped trying to explain yourself years ago.

Your attention turns to your phone when it buzzes. It was a notification from Twitter, another idol group had tweeted something so you read it.

With eyes downcast for two minutes at most, you almost fell out of your chair in shock when you looked back up to find someone stood in front of you. You clutch your chest, trying to calm your thumping heart but realising who was stood in front of you, you knew it wouldn't slow.

Kim Taehyung stood there, looking at your curiously, boxy smile on his features. "Ah, sorry!" He apologises. "I didn't mean to scare you!"

"I-it's okay." You stammer, cheeks pink. You made a move to stand up, feeling rude sitting down while he still stood but he made a crazy motion with his hands before placing them on your shoulders, making you take your seat back. You watch as he pulled a chair up beside you and leant on the arm of it, resting his chin on his palm.

"What's your name?"

"Y/N."

"Handsome name." He winks and you blush further. "Are you here alone?" You nod simply. "Don't your friends like us?" He slaps on a pout and your heart drops at the sight. "Well, their loss. It means I get you all to myself!"

"No, V, you must share!" Your head snaps to stare wide eyed at Hoseok who had just apparoached, smiling widely. "You can't keep our precious ARMYs to yourself." Taehyung pouts further. "Hi." Hoseok greets you directly. You just nod slowly, unable to respond.

Both of them understood your shyness the second they saw you sat alone across the room. Taehyung almost ran over, shuffling around the edge of the room so no-one else saw him. You were his focus for the event. He wanted to see you open up and enjoy yourself like the others were, if only a little bit.

"Oh, Y/N can be our 8th member for today!" Taehyung suggests. You look at him like he was crazy. "You can walk around with us and we can introduce you to everyone!"

"Are you sure that's a good idea, V?" Hoseok responds, giving him a look. "That might be overwhelming for him."

"But, I don't want to leave him." Taehyung pouts again before looking at you. "Can I stay with you, Y/N?"

"But, ARMYs will want to meet you." You manage out. Your care for others had a habit of outshining your shyness whenever it could. Both males smile, finding your concern heartwarming.

"Then, come with us. You don't have to talk to anyone." Hoseok offers. "Because I think V was serious about not leaving your side." He chuckles and Taehyung nods, a serious expression on his face.

"Uh.." You chew on your lip, looking between them nervously. Hoseok crouches in front of you and smiles comfortingly up at you.

"How about, I'll go and let you grow used to Taehyung and then the pair of you can join us all?" You consider it for a few seconds before nodding. "Great!" He beams and gets back up. "See you soon, Y/N. V, take good care of our new friend." Taehyung salutes in response and Hoseok walks off, to interact with other people.

"Who's your bias?" Taehyung suddenly asks. You look at him wide eyed. He starts to grin and giggle. "It's me, right? I bet it's me. I am the best." He winks and you blush. "Ah, Y/N-ssi, you're so cute when you blush." Your blush darkens and you hide your face behind your hands. "Oh!" A large hand wraps around one of your wrists and pulls it down. You look at Taehyung to find him eyeing your wrist in awe. You look down too to see your sleeve had moved to reveal part of the tattoo on your right forearm. "Can I see?" He asks, looking up at you. You nod so he pushes your sleeve up further to admire the ink in your skin. "Wow, it's so beautiful."

"Thank you." You smile proudly. You weren't proud of a lot of your bodily features, who is, but you were always so overjoyed when someone complimented your tattoos. They were important to you. Some had meaning, some didn't but you loved every single one of them. Even your first one because it showed you who you were then and even though you had grown up and changed, it was nice to look at and be reminded how much you had grown as a person.

"Do you have more?" The excitement in Taehyung's eyes set you off and you showed him every single piece of art on your body that you could int he outfit you wore. He asked a lot of questions about meanings and pain levels. He was so curious about something you were passionate about so quickly, you relaxed and were smiling and laughing with him, forgetting about the world around you.

But when he brought you back to reality, you didn't back down. "Do you think you're ready to meet some people now?" He asks gently. You barely consider it before nodding. He grins happily and gets up, holding his hand out to you. You take it, allowing him to help you up before you approach the groups to meet new people, make new friends.

Every time you came across another BTS member, Taehyung would gush about your tattoos like a proud friend introducing you to his other friends. It made your heart swell and helped you stay part of the event.

Every single member loved your tattoos, especially your BTS themed ones. Some of them even asked to take photos of those ones and you complied, always happy to share your art with whoever wanted to admire it. Jungkook even asked permission to photograph some non BTS themed ones, for reference to practise his drawing skills. He wanted to try and design tattoos and the ones on your skin were exactly the kind of inspiration he had been looking for.

Taehyung stuck to his word by sticking to you the whole time. Even when he was called by another ARMY to interract, he'd grab your hand and take you over with him but, you weren't complaining.

At the end of the event, you had made new friends, thanks to Taehyung and you felt like you could never repay him for that.

Thank you for the request anon!  I’ve never done a male reader before so it was different, I enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it :3

I also know sweet fa about fansigns so, sorry about inaccuracies

~Chee

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