#secretly theres an even smaller feeling wondering if this really IS the only thing that can change the world or maybe they can be stopped.. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sprnklersplashes · 5 years ago

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heart of stone (4/?)

AO3

Cady taps her spoon against the edge of her bowl, her feet just about touching the kitchen floor. This is the day she had been waiting impatiently for for weeks now, secretly wishing summer would pass faster so that school could start up again. She’s fully aware that she’s a minority, but she actually likes school. Maybe it’s because of her more-isolated home schooled life back in Africa, but it’s fun. Classes are far more interesting than what her parents could give her, despite their best efforts, and now that she’s mastered the skills (and learned a few lessons), socialising can be great. After a rocky ride last year, where people regarded her with confusion, then awe, and then disgust, being treated like an actual human being in the last fewweeks was kind of refreshing. It’s far from ideal, there are still far too many people who cast her dirty looks when they think she’s not looking and who believe she did things she didn’t do, but those looks were getting fewer and fewer as the days went on. She had started getting a few friendly smiles as she walked down the hall or through the cafeteria and even a few “hey theres”s from people who aren’t in her inner circle.

So all in all, she was excited to go back.

But now the day has come and the last place she wants to see is North Shore.

She swirls her cereal around in her bowl, her appetite gone despite her mother’s insistence that she eat. She hasn’t told her parents about Janis yet. How can she when she’s still trying to deal with it herself? One of her favourite things is logic, that’s why she likes maths so much, there’s always a logical answer, you just have to work out the equation to get it. But she can’t work out any equation for this.

“Cady honey, you better hurry up! You don’t want to be late for your first day, do you?” Her mom’s voice is the exact opposite of how Cady feels; bright and awake and rearing to go whereas all Cady wants is her bed and a Taylor Swift album. The sad one, obviously.

She checks herself in the hallway mirror, glad to see she at least looks normal. Her white shirt is tucked into her jeans, her sandals replaced with sneakers. She had spent a little bit of time debating last night and this morning before just tying her hair back in a messy braid. When she smiles, the girl in the mirror smiles back at her and it looks real; normal happy Cady on the way to school. Her eyes don’t betray the fact that she had sobbed into her pillow for thirty minutes last night. According to her face, all is right with the world. She looks like she still has a girlfriend and like she hasn’t spent every waking moment since last night trying to make sense of what’s happened.

“See you later, Mom!” she calls over her shoulder, lifting her jacket and backpack. If she’s quick, she can get out before-

“Oh wait!��

Nope.

“Cady!” her mom hurries down the hall, her mass of curls flying behind her like a flag and her phone clutched tightly in her hand. Cady groans inwardly, fully aware of what this means. “Just let me get one picture before you leave.”

“Mommy!”

“Just one!” she pleads, gesturing with her finger, her pink lips forming a pout. You’d think a pout on a fully grown woman would look ridiculous, and it does to an extent, but it also weakens Cady’s resolve. Her mom might be an over the top sentimental monster, but she’s her over the top sentimental monster and Cady’s certain that she’d regret it if she walked out the door without letting her take a picture.

Besides, the embarrassment’s a good distraction.

“Fine,” she sighs, shifting her backpack onto her shoulder and giving into the grin working its way onto her face. She flips the braid over her shoulder and straightens her back. “Just one.”

“Promise.” That’s what her mom says, however it’s soon shown to be false, because she’s not sure if that one took. Then she wants one landscape as well as portrait. And then she needs another one because she’s not sure if she likes the lighting in that one. Then another one because apparently Cady was blinking. With each press of the button, Cady’s patience wears thinner and thinner.

“Mommy, you know that a big part of the first day of school is actually going to school?” she asks.

“Oh all right, fine,” her mom agrees, putting the phone in her pocket. She presses her hands to her mouth and looks at Cady, her shoulders rising as she takes in a deep breath. Under the hallway light, she can see the beginning of tears in her mom’s eyes. Part of Cady thinks she should roll her eyes, but instead she holds out her hand and lets her mom take it, giving it a tight squeeze. When her mom covers Cady’s hand with hers, Cady feels a quick flash of nostalgia for her homeschooling days. It’s brief and tiny, but it is there. “You’re growing up so fast. How are you a senior already?”

“I know. It feels like I’ve only been in high school for a year.” It’s a bad joke, but they both laugh. Her mom lets go of her hand and grabs her shoulders instead, her grip firm but loving.

“Have a good day today,” she tells her, finally letting her go. Just as Cady is turning to go, she takes out the phone and begins looking through the pictures, sighing wistfully at each one. Cady shakes her head fondly, chuckling under her breath. Once she’s gone, she will no doubt run up to show them to her dad and then they can both reminisce over when Cady was tiny and needed their help to toddle down the dusty roads of their old home. Parents.

“If only you’d gotten Janis to walk in with you today,” her mom says absent-mindedly. “I’d have loved a photo of the two of you together. Maybe get her to come over tonight?”

And with that, her mom unknowingly shatters her good mood.

Cady swallows the lump in her throat, reaching for her jacket as a chill takes over her body.

“Maybe,” she whispers. She clears her throat and tries again. Maybe her mom will just think it’s allergies. “She might be busy tonight.”

So much for a distraction.

She listens to one of her favourite podcasts on the way to school. She tried music, but three songs in and she was already thinking about Janis more than she was at home. She doesn’t stop when she switches to the podcast, but the discussions about the baby lions and tigers are at least a comfort to her, reminding her of her old friends.

When she gets to school, she’s first greeted by familiar faces, people she wasn’t friends with but wasn’t enemies with either. They wave and say hi and some even ask how her summer was. Sophie Kawachi even flashes her a peace sign, which she reciprocates. Despite her rocky love life, she feels hope blossoming in her chest, not unlike the kind of hope she felt this time last year as she had bounced through the doors, but with a lot less naivete this time around. If she can fix this Janis situation quickly, maybe this year can actually be good all the way through.

“Cady!” She barely has time to register the voice before a pair of arms come around her from behind and a chin rests on her shoulder. Last year she’d have certainly been startled, and her assailant would possibly have ended up with a bruise on their cheek, but instead she giggles and leans into the embrace, breathing in the scent of strawberry lipgloss and watermelon body spray.

“Hi, Karen,” she says. Karen’s smile outshines the rhinestones on her jacket and her giggle puts a smile on Cady’s face that’s hard to wipe away. Since she’s too scared to brave homeroom just yet, she’s more than glad to see her. In any case, Karen’s great company to have around, especially when you’re sad.

“I missed you,” she says.

“You saw me a few days ago,” she reminds her, bumping her shoulder affectionately. “Are Regina and Gretchen in yet?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she says. Cady bites her lip. Sweet as Karen is, leaving her alone in the hallway is often asking for trouble. It wasn’t rare last year for her and Gretchen to have to go tracking the girl down because she’d wandered into the gym or the locker room or out to the courtyard because she wanted to see the flowers. “Regina said she’s running late. I sent her a baby chick emoji. Gretchen is meant to be here-”

And as if on cue, Gretchen appears in Cady’s vision, walking as quickly as her heels will allow and waving away Jason Weams’ attempted affection. Her eyes are wide and her mouth in a small ‘o’, an obvious sign on her nerves, but she eases when she spies Cady.

“Hey,” she says, sliding up to her. It doesn’t escape Cady’s notice how she keeps a little distance from her. She takes a step and makes it smaller. “Ugh, I can’t believe we’re back again.”

“I’m glad about it,” Cady says with a shrug. “I mean, isn’t senior year meant to be one of the best ever?”

“Yeah,” Karen says. “I’m super excited. I’ve saved this jacket for senior year since… two years ago.”

“Well it’s pretty,” Cady tells her.

“And it means I get to see you two all the time,” Karen goes on. “Not just some days.” She beams at the two of them, but her smile is more focussed and slightly softer when it comes to Gretchen. As for Gretchen herself, her cheeks turn pink and she looks away after muttering some thanks. Cady’s ears prick up and it’s a conscious effort to keep her mouth from falling open. Exactly how long as this been going on? What exactly is going on.

“Hey, Cady,” Gretchen asks quickly, her voice low. “Um… I was just wondering if you’d spoken to Janis lately.”

“J-Janis?” she repeats dumbly. She bites the inside of her cheek, determined not to cry in the middle of the hallway on her first day. “Not-not really, why?”

“Oh… well… you’re her girlfriend,” she says plainly. Was, Cady thinks sadly. Past tense. “And I know she had that hospital appointment. Did she tell you how it went?”

“Oh.” Cady pulls on her braid and notices how shaky her hands are. “Um, yeah, she said it went fine. She didn’t really want to talk about it.”

“Oh, good,” Gretchen sighs. “Because that was really scary when she passed out at the mall.”

“Yeah.” Cady turns her braid over in her hand. Her fears about Janis’ health haven’t disappeared at all, just taken a backseat to her heartbreak. She twirls the strands of hair around her fingers, grateful for Karen’s babbling as it’s the only thing keeping her grounded. She willingly walks them to their homeroom and stops to talk to as many of her peers as she can on the way back, wanting to keep her own homeroom at bay for as long as possible.

She isn’t sure who she’s more nervous about seeing, Janis or Damian. The two of them have a bond she can never understand and while she’s more than appreciative of that, she cherishes her own friendship with Damian. After years of being an only child-not counting her animals- her bond with Damian finally makes her feel like she knows what it’s like to have a sibling. She knows he’d never willingly hurt or freeze her out. That’s just not in his nature. But she’d also bet that if it came down to her or Janis, he would pick Janis in a heartbeat. She can’t blame him, but the idea still hurts.

So when she slips into homeroom just sixty seconds before the bell goes, it’s with her heart in her mouth and an anxious shiver running down her back.

But when she spies Damian at the other end of the class, Janis isn’t with him. Cady isn’t sure if that makes it better or worse. Sure, there are any number of reasons Janis wouldn’t be in school today, and chill as her parents are, they aren’t the type to let her skip school to avoid talking to Cady.

Maybe she switched homeroom classes to avoid you, a voice in her head whispers.

Thanks, she whispers back.

As is her nature, she makes the most of it and approaches Damian, her footsteps not unlike the ones she’d use when approaching the lions in Kenya. Optimistic but careful. Damian doesn’t notice her, and for a split second she panics and thinks that he’s ignoring her, until she’s next to him and he looks up from his book, his face breaking into a smile. The smile doesn’t sit right with her-it’s apprehensive and weak, and that’s unfamiliar for the ever-cheerful Damian.

“Hey,” she manages to say despite the heavy lump in her throat.

“Happy new year, little slice,” he greets. At least he’s still himself. When he doesn’t object to her dropping her bag on the desk beside his, she’s even more relieved. Even if there’s still an elephant in the room.

“So…” she begins, her fingers picking against the desk. “Have you… have you spoken to Janis lately?”

He lets out a long sigh, running his hands through his hair. There’s a vulnerability about him that Cady hasn’t seen before and she’d be lying if she said that it didn’t scare her, however slightly. His eyes meet hers, anxiety and melancholy replacing the usual fun spark.

“So she told you,” is all he says.

“Well, yeah.” Told is a strange way of putting it. She looks down at her fidgeting hands, her need for answers clashing with her respect for their friendship. Eventually she finds a middle ground. “Damian… you don’t have to answer… but did she talk to you about it before? I just thought… since you two are like…” She holds up her crossed fingers for him to see and gives him a shrug. “You know?”

“Yeah,” he says. The corners of his mouth turn up in a hollow smile. “She asked me to come over to her house and she told me everything.” His lips roll into a thin line and Cady swears she sees him blink away a tear. Was he really that invested in their relationship? More than Janis was? “It was a tough time. When did she tell you?”

“Last night,” she replies. She rubs the back of her neck, startled at how cold her hands are. “It was over the phone.”

“Ooft.” He winces sympathetically and reaches over to pat her hands. “Well, you know Janis. She’d surgically remove her emotions if she could.” Cady nods, tight-lipped. She takes in a deep breath, determined not to cry at school. She really doesn’t want to have to explain to people why she burst out crying on her first day of the school year. That’d be an even lower point than her last first day.

She must look sadder than she wants to, though, because Damian croons “Oh, sweetheart” at her and kneels beside her desk, his hand covering hers. The comfort he provides is stronger than her anxiety and pulls the words out of her before she can stop them.

“I just… It’s so unexpected,” she says. “You know?”

“Yeah. I guess you think it would never happen to you and then… it happens.” He taps a fast, nervous rhythm on her desk and she notices how chewed up some of his nails look. “And when it does it doesn’t feel real. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck.”

“Yeah,” she whispers. She shakes her head. If she’s honest, she there’s a small part of her that can’t help being annoyed that how much he seems to be siding with Janis here, or at the very least trying to be neutral. Yes, he’s her best friend, and she’s fully aware of how much they mean to each other. But she’s not here and would it kill him to pretend? It’s not like what she did didn’t suck and wasn’t a dick move by romance standards. Maybe she’ll vent to Gretchen later about it. “Did she ever say anything before?”

“What do you mean, before?”

“Just… it’s fine you don’t have to answer.” She turns away from him, looking in her bag for her notepad.

“Caddy-”

“No, I know it’s not any of my business,” she replies, a bit harsher than she had intended. She brushes a lock of hair behind her ear and takes in a deep breath to compose herself. When she looks over at Damian again, he’s not mad, or if he is he does a very good job of hiding it. He looks confused more than anything else. “I just thought things were going really well. I didn’t expect it-I didn’t think she wasn’t happy.”

“Not happy?” he says. “Of course she wasn’t happy, she…” His voice trails off, his eyes grow wide and Cady watches as he puts together pieces of a puzzle she doesn’t have. “Cady, what are you talking about?”

But before she can answer, Mrs Norbury strides into the classroom, her glasses atop her messy bun and as usual, she carries more papers and folders than her arms can carry. She begins welcoming them back to the school and getting them ready to tackle the year ahead, all with the same cherry, wholesome vibe that makes Cady feel so safe around her. Only she soon starts to slow down, her eyes avoiding the students as her voice takes on a more serious tone. Cady reaches down to her backpack and squeezes the plush lion on her zipper.

“As some of you may have heard, your classmate Janis Sarkisian won’t be completing this year with us.”

What? A gasp ripples throughout the classroom. It’s not just news to Cady, it’s news to all of them. Is that why she broke up with her, she wonders. The only one who doesn’t seem surprised is Damian. When she turns to him, his head is bowed and he picks at his nails, but his face is resigned. Did he know?

“Her parents informed the school that she’ll be receiving treatment for cancer throughout this year,” Norbury concludes.

Cady freezes, one particular word standing out in her mind. She’s vaguely aware of a bunch of heads turning towards her and of the suffocating silence that falls on the room, but she can’t find it in her to care, let alone meet any of them. She’s too focussed on trying to catch her breath for that. A million questions run through her mind at once, blocking out the gasps and murmurs form her classmates.

“What the fuck?” someone exclaims. And Cady’s inclined to agree with them. Until she realises that the person who said it was her.

She spends the remainder of homeroom in open mouthed shock, the words ‘Janis’ and ‘cancer’ constantly at the front of her mind. As Norbury keeps talking, she sends subtle, sympathetic glances Cady’s way and amongst all the confusion, she’s grateful for it.

At least she has an answer now, she thinks. She kind of wishes she didn’t though. Janis breaking up with her is one thing. Janis having… This is another thing entirely.

She’s hurt. She might feel bad for it but she’s still hurt. Hurt that Janis didn’t tell her and hurt that she decided she’d rather break up with her than confide in her. Whatever she thought about where she and Janis were in their relationship, she was clearly wrong.

As soon as the bell rings she’s at Damian’s desk, looking up at him with eyes that demand answers. He sighs, putting his bag on his shoulder and the two hang back as the rest of the students file out, only leaving when Mrs Norbury gives them a silent reminder that there’s other people in the world besides them.

“She didn’t tell you,” he states in a low voice. The hall is empty enough, their fellow students far away enough so that they won’t hear them. “Did she?”

“Tell me?” She doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Damian… she broke up with me!”

“She did what?” he gasps, bringing the two of them to a halt. He shakes his head, as close to a scowl as she’s ever seen on his face. “That’s… no, I’m gonna… Okay but she… I’m going to talk to her about that because-”

“Damian.” She holds up her hand to silence him. “It’s okay. I can deal with her. It’s my-our relationship.”

“Okay.” His hand brushes against hers and then he takes it, his palm warm against hers. She’s not sure who he’s trying to comfort, himself or her, then it occurs to her it might be both. And despite it all, it’s nice to know he’s still her friend. “Damian, when you said she told you… what exactly did she tell you?”

At first he doesn’t answer. He swings their joined hands, a troubled expression on his face. And for the first time, it actually hits Cady as the anger begins to fade. It’s still there, but it simmers in the background as she faces this harrowing reality; Janis has cancer. Her girlfriend, the girl she… really likes a lot, has cancer.

Damian’s arm wraps around her waist and he hugs her tightly. She leans into his embrace, the two of them alone in this vast ocean.

“She told me everything she could,” he tells her quietly. “That she starts treatments on Monday.” Explains why she isn’t here. “She apologised, which was ridiculous.”

“Completely.” When Cady reaches up to touch her face, her fingers come away wet. Damn it.

“She also said she’s going to be okay,” he says weakly. “I told her of course she will be.”

“Of course,” Cady echoes. She thinks of Janis, larger than life, unapologetic, goofy, stubborn, beautiful Janis and despite the tears in her eyes and the hurt in her chest, she smiles. There’s no way this cancer could take her down. Not that she ever thought it would.

She rests her head on Damian’s shoulder and when she slips into her first class five minutes late, she’s let off with a warning and nothing more. And dozens of concerned eyes and hushed murmurs as she makes it to her seat. She’s not Home Schooled Jungle Freak or New Queen Bee any more. She’s The Girl Whose Girlfriend Has Cancer.

*****

At the end of the school day, Cady is the first one heading for the door, ducking her head to avoid the rest of the student body. Now that the word is out about Janis it’s all anyone talks about, and everyone assumes that as her girlfriend, she already knew. Which of course she didn’t and while she feigns composure and tries to be collected, she can’t not be annoyed at her. Every time someone approaches her and asks when Janis told her, she has to begrudgingly admit that she only found out this morning and it stings, even if she doesn’t tell them about the break up. Being the Girl Whose Girlfriend Has Cancer is one thing, being the Girl Who Got Dumped is another. It’s why she’s so eager to leave before anyone else can ask her; she wants to get to Janis’ house while there’s still affection in her.

She shoots her mom a quick text telling her she’s going to Janis’, omitting the reason why. To be honest, all she wants to do is run home and collapse in her mom’s arms and tell her everything, to give in to all the sad feelings hiding behind her anger. But she’s only got three days to talk to Janis about this and she worries that if she goes home now, she’ll never see her again.

And it’s the idea of never seeing Janis again that propels her forwards, taking the bus to her street and forcing her feet to move in the direction of her (ex) girlfriend’s house. A passer-by would be forgiven for thinking she was confident given the quick pace with which she’s walking, but her heart is pounding so hard it might burst out of her chest and she spent the bus ride writing down the main points she’s making like it’s a debate for English class. The only reason she’s moving with such purpose is a combination of the “Empowerment Playlist” she’s listening to (courtesy of Gretchen) and what she likes to think is rightful frustration.

Still, she has to wipe her hand on her pants before ringing Janis’ doorbell.

“Hi Mrs Sarkisian,” she greets with a smile, the same smile she’s always greeted Cady with. She searches Mrs Sarkisian’s face, trying to find any trace of fear or sadness or any indication that her daughter has been struck with an infamous illness. Was she in the room when they found out? Had she had an idea before? More selfishly, does she know about the break-up?

“A-are you here for Janis?” Mrs Sarkisian asks and it’s then Cady realises she hasn’t said anything.

“Oh, um, yeah, yes,” she replies. She plays with the zipper of her jacket. “Is she here? I just want to talk to her about… some stuff.”

A moment passes before she says “sure” and lets Cady in. She wonders what was going in Mrs Sarkisian’s head for that moment. Was she considering making up a lie and politely declining?

“She’s just in the living room.” She gestures to the tightly shut door. That’s all that’s separating her from Janis. A door that’s about the same thickness as her calculator. She suddenly starts chugging the water in her backpack.

“Thanks, Mrs Sarkisian,” she replies. She gives her a stern look and Cady manages a weak nod, remembering a past conversation. “Laura.”

As Janis’ mom moves slowly down the hallway, Cady places her hand on the doorknob, fingers freezing around the metal. Seeing her girlfriend is scaring her more than anything else she’s faced so far.

“Fearless,” she whispers to herself. “Fearless.” Her little mantra gives her strength and she turns the knob, and stumbles into the living room.

“Caddy!”

Janis is sitting on the couch, the exact same girl she saw last week at the mall. Every inch of her is familiar, but at the same time Cady has to ask herself if she always looked like this. If her skin is paler or is she imagining things, does she look more tired or is it just the lack of make-up? Her hair looks unbrushed and is pulled back into a messy ponytail and in the split second before she noticed her, she had been watching the TV with half-empty eyes and her hand thoughtlessly running through Maxie’s fur. There’s a white blanket draped around her shoulders and she doesn’t think she remembers Janis looking quite so vulnerable before.

One thing is for sure though; Janis wasn’t expecting her to come around.

“Caddy what are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here?” she asks, stepping closer to Janis. A warm flush spreads across her face and down her back and she doesn’t know if it’s out of anger or embarrassment or both. “What do you think I’m doing here?”

“I don’t-”

“Janis, I know,” she tells her sharply, only to immediately regret it. Her whole body is rigid, apart from her hand which fidgets at her side. “I know. Norbury told us, Jan. I know what’s wrong with you. Everyone does.”

“Oh,” is all Janis says. She turns away from her, but thanks to her pulled-back hair, Cady can see the way her jaw is clenched and how her shoulders shake, the way her face scrunches in a way that can only mean one thing. In less than a second, all the anger and frustration that had pushed her here melts away, leaving just a little bit of guilt and a lot of sadness. Seconds pass in a suffocating silence and Cady is almost tempted to just leave. Walk out the door and let her go. It’s only because the idea of letting her go hurts more than this that she stays.

“I’m sorry,” Janis finally says, still looking away. “I wanted to tell you-okay no that’s a lie. I didn’t.”

“Oh thanks,” Cady scoffs. “Way to make me feel better.”

“No, Caddy.” She pushes a rather offended Maxie off her lap and stands up. It doesn’t escape Cady’s notice how the task takes more effort than normal or that her breathing is more laboured than it should be. She’s clad in an oversized grey shirt and black shorts poking out underneath, her collarbone poking out starkly. She looks over at her, tear tracks on her pale cheeks. “It’s not like that. I didn’t want you to know because…” She waves her hand in mid-air as she searches for the right words. “I didn’t know how.”

“You knew how to tell Damian,” she says, though her voice is far softer than it would have been an hour ago.

“He’s different,” Janis tells her with a shrug. “He’s Damian.”

“And I’m what exactly?” she asks. After a deep breath in, she takes a step closer to Janis. They’re still giving each other space, but she could reach out and touch her now if she wanted. Instead she keeps her arms to herself. “Janis I’m not mad that you didn’t tell me.”

“Yeah you are.”

“Yeah okay, I am,” she sighs. “I mean… did you break up with me to get out of telling me?”

“No.” Her eyes widen at that, her hair bouncing as she shakes her head. “No, no Cady. I didn’t.”

“Then what? Were you always planning on it? Was this just really bad timing?”

“No, God, Cady no!” As she speaks, she looks the most normal she has since Cady got there. Or the most familiar, at least. She runs a hand over her face, a small, pained sound emitting from her mouth. “God. I broke up with you because…” She lets out a loud, trembling sob and not having her arms around her physically hurts. “Because you didn’t deserve it. You don’t deserve a girlfriend with… with cancer.”

Now it’s Cady’s turn to bite back tears. How could Janis even think that? That some illness would make her less worthy of her? Her confession tears at and mends her heart at the same time.

“Well…” She takes another step closer to her. Lifting her chin up just a little, she takes Janis’ hand and moves it away from her face. Cady’s thumb presses into the palm of her hand. “You don’t deserve cancer.” Janis’ fingers intertwine with hers.

“That’s different,” she whispers. “I’m just trying to minimise the damage.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means…” She winces out of some unknown pain. “It means I’m already dragging my parents down with this. And Damian too. I ca-can’t do that to you.” Cady blinks and-unsurprisingly-finds tears in her own eyes. “I can’t drag you down too, Caddy.” Cady shakes her head, her words deserting her. As if Janis could ever drag her down. “I’m sorry. I should have told you. I should have, you were right. You shouldn’t have had to find out like that.”

“Yeah, I shouldn’t have.” That’s about as annoyed as she can get now. After a brief hesitation, she reaches out and wipes her tears away. She at least smiles at that. “Janis… don’t push me away. Not now, especially not now.” Not when you need me she adds silently.

“I just want you to be happy,” she says quietly. “I want you to enjoy your senior year, Caddy. Minimal baggage.”

“Maybe I want to carry the baggage with you,” she replies firmly. Her words take Janis by surprise. With a gentle smile, she continues “I mean isn’t that what I’m supposed to be doing as your girlfriend?” The hopeful look in Janis’ is all the answer she needs. Enough to make her close the distance between them even more and run her fingers through her hair. “Then let me in,” she whispers.

And she’s close to. But there’s a tension in Janis’ shoulders and a wall still standing between them.

“Caddy, I read all these articles,” she explains. “About relationships and cancer and it might… I might not be able to be a good girlfriend right now.”

Cady shakes her head again, because she can’t imagine a world where Janis isn’t a good girlfriend.

“Then I’ll be good enough for the both of us,” she tells her. “Then when you get better, we can be good together.”

The corners of Janis’ mouth turn up into a smile and gosh, does it warm Cady’s heart to see it.

“There’s no getting rid of you, is there?”

“Nope.” Janis chuckles, the sound sweet and lovely and better than any music on her phone and taps her finger to Cady’s nose. In response she plants a swift and sweet kiss to the inside of Janis’ wrist.

“Do you want to stay?” she asks sheepishly. “Just for a little bit. You can fill me in on school. I can fill you in on this. And…” She avoids her eyes but this time it’s not out of fear or discomfort. If the pinkish hue on her cheeks is any indication, it’s out of an affectionate embarrassment. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Cady tells her, squeezing her hand. “Art freak.”

They settle themselves on Janis’ couch, Cady’s legs draped over hers and the blanket around Janis’ shoulders and pulled over Cady’s back, sealing them in their own little cocoon. Cady tries to fill her in about school and what she’s missed, deciding to omit the details about Karen and Gretchen this morning. Janis can find that out when the two of them are ready. Instead she tells her about her plans to captain the Mathletes now that Kevin is gone and of her excitement for the classes ahead. Small and unimportant things that soon fall to the side, giving way for Janis to tell her everything.

“I have leukaemia,” she explains. “According to Mr Doctor Man, that means I have too many white blood cells and that means the red ones can’t function.” Her hand is tense as it curls around Cady’s. That sounds nothing short of terrifying to Cady, and she realises immediately after that that she’s not even the person going through it. So as much as anything Janis says scares her, it’s nothing to what Janis herself must be feeling.

“How did you find out?” she asks after a while.

“I just… I was tired all the time,” she says. “And you know… passing out in the mall.” The fact that Cady was there that day and witnessed it and didn’t know the reason why sends a shiver down her spine. “And I was waking up in the middle of the night and I was really, really hot. You can make a joke about how I’m already really hot.”

“Nah. Your ego’s big enough already.” Janis chuckles, albeit short lived.

“So I got a blood test and then… they found out.” She gives a nonchalant shrug that’s not at all matching the topic. “I did not take it well.” Now it’s Cady’s turn to laugh and she wonders if this is a sign of what’s coming. Laughing at the darkness because it’s better than the alternative.

“Damian told me you start treatment on Monday,” she says quietly. Janis nods and takes in a deep breath. Cady wonders if Damian telling her was crossing a line.

“Yep,” she sighs. Her demeanour changes slightly, even if the tension in her hand and the beating of her heart doesn’t. Not too much, but enough to make her appear calm to an outsider. “Basically two weeks in the hospital, then a week here, for three months.” She kisses the back of Cady’s hand, a spark in her eye that feels more like her. “Then after that, all of this will be a funny memory and we’ll laugh ourselves silly.”

“We will?” Cady echoes, doubtful. Janis manages a half-nod and Cady rests her head on her shoulder, her arm across her girlfriend’s chest. Janis pulls her closer and rests her cheek against Cady’s hair. If she’s honest, the way Janis is holding her isn’t entirely comfortable, but there’s a desperation in her touch that makes Cady’s discomfort almost silly. Like someone might come in and drag Cady away at any moment. So even with the dull ache in her back, she strokes Janis’ hair and kisses her cheek, counting the tiniest of smiles as a victory.

They sit like that in silence for a long, long time before Janis speaks up again, without walls or defences and sounding impossibly far away despite being so close to her.

“I’m scared,” she confesses, and then she breaks. It’s not the panicking type of fear that she’s familiar with, both from her own experiences and with Gretchen. Instead it feels deep and cold, sitting heavily in her soul and rattling her from within. She’s been living with it for days now, utterly alone. And it’s terrible, for Cady to watch and no doubt for Janis to experience. She’d give anything if it meant she could just tell her it will all be okay, how could she?

“I know,” is what she says instead. She kisses her cheek again and again and nuzzles into her neck. “I know.” Janis’ moves heavily and slowly against her, her breath ruffling Cady’s stray hair. She presses another firm kiss to Cady’s head and a lot is held in that simple gesture.

“I need you to promise me something,” Janis says softly. Her fingers fidget and pick anxiously at the blanket, chasing away whatever pleasantness was left. “I need you to promise that if it gets too much… if this gets too hard for you, you’ll walk away.”

“Janis-”

“Cady.” She shifts and breaks them apart so she can look Cady squarely in the eyes and hold her hands close to her chest. The expression on her face is equal parts desperate and steadfast. And fear. Cady has an unwelcome suspicion that fear might become commonplace for the next few months. Janis holds her face in her cold hands and continues. “I mean it. I need you to promise that you won’t put your life on hold because of me. That if… if this starts interfering with your life and what you want, you’ll step back. Even if it means… if it means ending it.”

Cady shakes her head. It’s an absurd promise and one she could never keep. Asking her to give up Janis would be like asking her to step down as Mathletes captain or delete the pictures of lions from her phone. She went through a lot last year to find who she wants to be, and who she wants to be with, and nothing could make her give that up. But Janis is silently pleading with her and she knows there’s no way to placate her other than agreeing.

“Okay, fine. I promise.” But her fingers are crossed behind her back. She’s broken promises before, and this is at least one worth breaking. And regardless, there’s more ways to get out of such a deal. “And I’ll make another promise. That it’ll never be too much for me. Not ever, Janis Sarkisian.”

She nods and mumbles an ‘okay’ and while she’s clearly comforted by Cady’s declaration, she doesn’t seem entirely convinced. It makes sense; she’s been plagued by insecurities for a while and the effects past betrayal still linger on her, making sweet words turn sour in her mind. So when Cady tilts her head towards her and kisses her, it’s more than a kiss. It’s another promise, not to Janis but to herself, that she’ll spend every day until this is over making Janis believe her.

#cadnis #mean girls fanfic #mean girls broadway #janis sarkisian #cady heron #paint by numbers #mean girls #mean girls ff #cadnis ff #fic: heart of stone #woah thats a lotta tags

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mxrcayong · 5 years ago

Text

the avatar series: 01.03

masterlist.

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chapter three

A crowd surrounded her. She was in the ring and the walls were caving in. The spotlight shone down on her; all eyes were on her. They were all expecting something from her - something she cannot give them; greatness. She felt herself getting smaller and smaller – or maybe the stage was sinking lower and lower. Most likely, both. The audience was growing bigger, overpowering her. She’s disappointed them. It was her duty to protect them - but she only hurt them, she only disappointed them.

At the announcer’s desk sat her closest friends; Doyoung, Sonan, Kilara, and Johnny. Behind them were her other friends; Lucas, Roddie, and Taeil amongst others including Sehun, Kyungsoo, and Hendery. They all were standing up, looking down at her. All of them screaming and yelling and insulting – using words against her all at different times. The words were like ammunition, shooting at her constantly. Her head hurt, her heart was wounded, her hope disappeared, her purpose never fulfilled.

They were angry. Infuriated. Full of rage.

She could see them seething between their growls and their yells, telling her she’s a failure. Telling her she never deserved to be the Avatar. Telling her she failed not only them but her purpose and humankind.

The stage got smaller and smaller; she was trapped. There were no exits as the walls were millimeters away from her. Her breath got caught in her throat, she couldn’t breathe. She looked at the ground as she soon fell to her kneels, staring at the cold cement floor beneath her. The only thing preventing her from falling to her death.

“Where is everything we taught you?” An angry voice called from in front of her, “You are right. You fail at your powers. You fail at everything.” The voice taunted, full of venom. Tari looked up, and saw Sukiara and The Osaka Prince in front of her – the Osaka Prince bending lightning whips and remaining silent. “He should’ve been the Avatar, not someone as pathetic and weak as you.” Sukiara seethed.

As The Osaka Prince whipped the lightning rope towards Tari, she saw the Avatars before her in the Avatar State. They were supposed to be helping in the Avatar State; they have the ability to protect her, to protect the Avatar. They have the ability to transfer their powers, their knowledge. The Avatar State is where she’s the most powerful, but she had never felt more weak.

They’re letting me die, Tari realized as the previous Avatars stared at her hopelessly, letting her get repeatedly whipped and attacked by the man who should be the Avatar. She could only feel the static sensation that made her shake, that made her shiver, that made her wince in pain. “I’m sorry,” Tari croaked, trying to apologize to the world around her but her voice failed her. “I’m sorry for failing you, I’m sorry, I’m sorry for messing up.” The final vision she saw was the distant image of her family; her older brother, her younger sister she’s only heard about, and her two parents ; none of them she’s seen since she’s been taken away from her parent’s custody.

With one final lash, she was greeted by darkness, but she could still hear the blaring alarms and the voice echoed throughout a megaphone. “This is a police raid! Everyone here will be arrested for supporting the Avatar and for bending!”

“You okay?” She heard a soft voice chuckle, calling her out of her slumber. Wait, where am I? She wondered as she knew for sure she wasn’t in her own room. Once her vision readjusted from their sleepy haze, Tari looked around and realised she was in her living room - her head using Johnny’s thigh as a pillow on her couch. Johnny was still on his laptop - the only light illuminating the dark room as he continued to type and write his article for submission to the editors later. Continuing to look around, she noticed Doyoung had fallen asleep on one of the beanbags - his soft snores echoing throughout the room, bouncing off each wall. The sight made Tari aw - Doyoung sleeping was always the sweetest. He always looks calm, even when he’s one of the most secretly chaotic people she knows - but when he sleeps, it looks like theres nothing in the world that can hurt him. And it’s my duty to make sure nothing will, Tari’s thoughts reminded her. Everrything has been reminding her of the stupid Ava-“You were shaking and whimpering.” He commented. Despite his friendly and soft voice with a teasing edge, she could see the serious concern in his eyes.

Or it could be disappointment, she sighed, looking into his brown orbs and seeing their somewhat distressed nature. “Yeah, yeah, just a dream.” She couldn’t talk to him about it, she couldn’t. He wouldn’t be her friend anymore. She’d hate to disappoint him. Tari readjusted so she’d now be sitting up, getting off of Johnny’s lap and throwing her arms up into the air to stretch and yawn.

CRACK, Her elbows cracked, making her eyes widen and Johnny to put his hand over his mouth to prevent himself from laughing and waking up Doyoung. “How long have you been awake for?” She softly whispered, crossing her legs and turning to face Johnny. Her head fell into the palm of her hand as she looked at Johnny, waiting for his answer.

“Haven’t slept yet.” Johnny commented nonchalantly, “I want to get this article done for the online deadline for tomorrow.” At the mention of sleep, he yawned. “I shouldn’t be having any workr tomorrow so guess whose gonna turn up here at midnight because he slept the whole day?” He said in a hushed fake excited voice. “Hey, though, can you look at this?” The journalist scrolled through his document, showing Tari the beautiful photographs full of life taking over the pages and the thousands of words portraying the story. He looked excited about this article – probably the most excited Tari has seen him be in a while, and that means a lot as he was always quite excitable. He’s one of the most positive people she knows.

Tari leaned closer – her eyes still hazy with sleep – and she read the text out loud through hushed whispers, hesitant to wake up Doyoung. “’The Avatar Day festival is a celebratory day initially to remember and commemorate the heroic actions of Aang and Team Avatar. However, within the last few years, it’s become a celebration for the existence of Avatar; from Wan to Aang, no previous Avatar or their companions can be forgotten’” Tari read, before grinning. ‘This is an amazing introduction, Johnny.” Johnny gleamed with pride.

“Wait, look at this bit.” He scrolled towards the end, “Do you think it’s too strong or provocative? I want to make it umph but not too offensive, you know?” He showed a paragraph where he practically called on the Avatar to speak up against the government if they ‘refuse to do their rightful duty, the 100 year war may repeat itself but instead of the fire nation, it’s the non-bending government’.

A heavy weight seemed to fall on Tari’s heart. Could I really do something to help? She questioned herself, watching Johnny smile with pride at his article. Could I really do something to reduce the suffering of my fellow benders? Of my peers? She knew this issue was beating up Johnny, but she never saw herself as capable of influencing it. Thinking about it, she realizes all her friends talk about doing things – Johnny was the only one actually doing it.

“So,” Johnny called Tari out of her trance, “what do you think?”

Tari bit back her feelings and forced a smile, “It’s great. When does the editor read through it?” She had a feeling it was good. She knew what he was going for and if she was anyone else but the person he was targeting, she knew she would feel inspired or angry and support his cause.

“This afternoon.” He gleamed, pressing save on the document. “I have a few more details and photos to add, but otherwise – it’s done and the editor’s job to fix it.”

Tari yawned – partly fake and partly not. She was tired, but she wasn’t tired enough to leave Johnny and Doyoung yet. She just couldn’t be sitting next to someone she know she’s only disappointing every second she refuses to speak up. Her guilt was eating away at her. “I have to get to work tomorrow afternoon. I’m lucky Hendery is doing the 5am shift.” She let out an awkward chuckle, “I’m going to sleep…it’s 2 in the morning?” She said more as a question as she searched around the room for any hint of the time, eventually letting her eyes set on Johnny’s laptop clock.

“Alright,” Johnny smiled softly up at Tari as she stood from her place.

“Good night” she called as she got into her room, her head peeking out the door as she noticed Johnny about to respond.

“Goodnight, Tar.” Johnny wished, looking up from his computer and up at her. “I’ll make sure Doyoung gets into bed okay. Sweet dreams.”

Tari was about to shut the door, but made sure to quickly remind him where the blankets and pillows for the sofa bed is since Doyoung and her moved it a month ago from its usual spot to another spot in the apartment.

As she fell back onto bed, she couldn’t fall asleep. The only thought running through her head; how will I ever be good enough?

One benefit of working in a café is definitely the fact that the bitter and earthy smell of coffee beans really can wake someone up. Even if that someone slept for a maximum of three hours the night prior.

The café had a cozy vibe. Either music was playing in the background or the soft hum of the TV, plants took over the walls (thanks to the owners being earth benders, these plants were low maintenance) and the floor was full of beanbags and the coziest chairs you can imagine. Today, the soft hum of the news was on – replaying videos from Avatar Day and discussions of current events.

“I know you let me off early yesterday,” Hendery stifled a chuckle as Tari rushed behind the counter to put on her apron – greeting some patrons on her way to the back, “but I don’t think that excuses you for not sleeping last night.”

Tari rolled her eyes and smiled, “Sorry I can’t be a model like you, pretty boy.” She teased, reaching behind her back to tie her apron. “But for real, is it that obvious?”

Her co-worker shrugged, “I mean, it’s mainly that we’ve worked together for how many years now?” He asked rhetorically. “And because I’m assuming you chugged that weird caffeinated tea you drink to wake you up because you’re also faster and jittery than usual. You’re usually like a turtle-sloth.” Tari dropped her jaw in fake offense, before scanning the patrons – noticing most of them already having their drinks.

Hendery and Tari work together most of the time – they’re the two main workers for Iroh and Me. It’s a small local café which is most known for its bubble tea, but it’s still a family café and not necessarily in the center of town – just a bit south of it. So, they really only need two to three workers. They work mostly together but only one of them takes up the morning shift, which is usually Tari, and then the both of them do the afternoon, and then someone – usually Hendery – closes at 11pm. Today, since Tari tapped Hendery out early yesterday, they swapped roles.

“How did you find Avatar Day then?” Tari inquired as the two of them leaned back on the counters to wait for a table to clean or a new customer to greet.

Hendery smiled at the mention – “I met with my older sisters and Yangyang and his sister,”

“Yangyang is the animal-racecar dude right?” She clarified, remembering the name from previous stories of his.

“Yeah, and we had a picnic and just did our usual festivities.” Hendery gleamed. Tari knew he was an avid celebrator of the event, but her focus on of him and his usual festivities quickly changed - what are his opinions on the Avatar? She looked at him inquisitively, making him turn to her and mimic her expression. “What?”

“What do you think of the Avatar?”

“Like the concept or the person?”

“Both, I guess.” She shrugged, biting her lip and trying to hide her anxiety for his question.

He let out a sigh, “To be completely honest, I don’t think there is a current Avatar right now.” He shrugged. The statement itself made Tari unclear about how she should react. “I kind of think it’s just a past story. Like, I have no doubt they existed – but like I feel like it’s an extinct animal or...” He snapped, finding the words to saa “kind of like the fire lord’s power.” Tari looked at him – confused. “Like, the Fire Lord – she exists and the family is very important, like Prince Jaehyun is one of the best fire benders in the world.” Obviously, he hasn’t seen the Osaka Prince, she chortled – her insecurity eating her up inside. She’s beginning to think her insecurity is manifesting into hate for the fire bender. “But they’re power isn’t as strong as it is before, their importance is less. Why do we need a protector anyway right now? It’s not like there’s a war going on.”

Tari had all the answers to that question; she was raised learning them and frankly, Sukiara reminded her of some of the answers the night prior. Hendery’s interest soon turned to her concentrated and preoccupied reaction to his response. “Why? What do you think?”

She quickly dodged the question, thanking whatever is up there that a patron stood up and left the café - leaving their table full of empty plates. “Thank you, have a great day!” She called after them in her customer-service voice before grabbing the cleaning rag and tray from the shelves in the counter. “I’ll get this one.” She winked, sneaking out from behind the counter.

On her way there, she recognized the married couple who always takes a long time to drink their beverages; Mrs Kim Tae-hee and Mr Jung Ji-hoon. She knows them quite well and know they always joke about trying ‘to finish their drinks hot’ but they never do. The two of them always spend an hour seated at the café once every few weeks and just spending time together. Tari bit her lip and did her usual thing to anyone like them; anyone who takes long to finish their drink, making it cold.

“Hey! Haven’t seen you guys in a while.” She smiled, reaching in her apron to grab spare tissues. “How are you guys? Let me give you guys some extra tissues.” One thing Tari learnt in customer service is that very rarely do people deny more napkins.

Ji-hoon smiled, taking his wife’s hand and rubbing it with his thumb from across the table. “Great, Tae-hee just got a promotion at work so this is our first time having a ton of time together in a while.” Tari smiled; she wanted a relationship like theirs. They could be sitting here for hours but just be happy with each other’s presence. Its as if the world doesn’t matter as long as they’re together. She lifted Tae-hee’s Americano and slipped a tissue to be underneath it. While holding the mug full of now-cold coffee up, she concentrated on her fire bending – only bending enough to warm up the coffee. She repeated this process with Ji-hoon’s drink as Tae-hee spoke about being named one of the best stage performers in the performance theater.

“But Ji-hoon also started his own business!” Tae-hee smiled proudly, both of them looking at each other as if the other had all the universe in their eyes. “Todays have been our first off day in months.”

Tari smiled, “Well, let me get you guys two slices of cake as a celebration. On me.” She offered, “Any flavor preferences?” While Tae-hee politely declined, saying it’s too kind – Ji-Hoon requested two flavors; red velvet and chocolate (which he clarified was for Taehee). Tari knew Tae-hee was just being shy, she was shy to order a second drink the first time the couple came in and saw a new barista. “I’ll be back in a minute, let me clean up after someone.”

As she was walking back behind the counter; the tray full of dirty cups in hand, she heard the door chime. She spotted a regular she actually befriended when the same patron spilled a cup of coffee on herself and Tari lent her one of her extra shirts,. It was Tari’s rule to always bring an extra shirt, because she knows the pain of a coffee stain. “Hey Roddie,” Tari sang, grinning at the familiar face.

“Hey Tari,” Roddie sung back, grinning as well. “I would give you a hug but your hands look full right now.” The university student turned behind her, “By the way, these are my classmates ; Chenle, Jeno, and Jaemin. Guys, this is the best barista around.” The three boys behind her waved, smiling wildly.

Her introduction caused Hendery to call out from behind the counter. “Offensive! Guess who won’t take your order today.”

“I recommend you redact that statement; I’m doing something else right now.” Tari leaned, almost like a whisper – despite being at least a meter apart. “Anyways, I know the truth.” Tari winked teasingly, before rushing behind the counter and putting the dirty dishes in the sink for her to clean once she gives the couple a piece of cake each and pay for it using her employee’s account.

Roddie smiled with her whole face and spoke in a staged manner, “BUT HENDERY IS TRULY THE BEST!”. She and her group of friends approached the counter, ready to order their drinks.

Eventually, an hour has passed and Hendery and Tari were back leaning against the counter – coming up with life stories for the few patrons they don’t know well once they ran out of current debate topics or life updates. Afterall, they do see each other every day. As they were two of the four faces that represent the café, they basically know every patron’s name – only do they know a few life stories.

“Tari!” She heard Roddie call from her seat in the back. Her hair was now in a messy bun; a few strands hanging out as she and her group mates sat on a table full of notebooks and their laptops, the three of them obviously studying together.

“What’s up?” Tari asked, rubbing her hands on the front of her apron as she approached, before she slipped her hands into the pockets. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to ask you something.” The barista raised her eyebrows, indicating her to continue. “What is your opinion, as a bender, on the bending bans?”

Two friends of her’s look insulted, as if Roddie forgot to ask them. “Uhm,” She chuckled, “I mean I don’t use my powers regularly or publicly so like, it’s not a big thing for me. I just hope it doesn’t escalate. But, as long as I can bend at home, I’m good.”

“What do you bend?” One of her friends ask, leaning forward.

I can bend all four elements, and you? She said sarcastically in her head. “I can bend water.”

“Oh, no way!” The one with the vibrant blue hair exclaimed as he pointed at the taller boy with black hair, “Us too. Which tribe are you from?”

To be honest, Tari always forgets the name of her village. She was moved from there when she was 4, she has minimal memories. “Uhm, somewhere really small in the Northern Water Tribe. I think it’s referred to as Karagatan?”

The one with blue hair bit his lip, “Well, I always knew one of the most beautiful towns calls for the most beautiful ladies.” Tari got flustered but hid it behind furrowed eyebrows and hiding her laughter. So he must be a flirty person.

“Jaemin and I are from the center.” The one with black hair rolled his eyes at his friends antics, “Please excuse him, he’s always flirty.” At that, Tari laughed. “I’m Jeno by the way.”

Roddie groaned and dropped her head onto the table, “I don’t get why our politics class is making us learn about these bans and why they’re wrong rather than letting us actually protest and make a change.” She pulled her head up from the table and looked at Tari with the saddest expression she could muster.

The boy – who out of the process of elimination is Chenle seemed to be reasonable. “Noona,” So he’s younger than her, “It’s teaching us both the goods and bads.”

“Yeah, but the ban is so unreasonable!” Roddie was known for her very strong opinions. She’s locally famous for always protesting and calling out the mayor – who conveniently is her father - for his ‘biased’ and ‘unfair laws’. “When I went home the other day to visit my mom, I overheard my dad say something about increasing the ban or making it stronger. I think he’s even banning bending from Avatar Day for next year.” Roddie dropped her jaw, “Avatar Day!” She stressed, “Literally the day we celebrate bending.” Tari’s heart felt like it dropped. Yeah, sure – she doesn’t use her bending much publicly, but it’s still a part of her. She grew up with it. She’s already hiding 3/4s of herself - does she need to hide her whole self?

“Ugh, speak of the devil.” Roddie groaned once more, looking up at the TV and noticing her father is being interviewed on screen. “Can we change the channel?” Tari nodded, expressionless as she tried to figure out how she was feeling about this. Conflicted, but Johnny was right. It is only getting worse. Could she be the one to stop it from getting worse? How can she?

“You think we won’t learn about this in class?” Jaemin asked rhetorically.

“Rather hear it from Mr Nam’s mouth than a rat’s.” Roddie retorted.

Thoughts and inner debates ran through her head as she made her way to the counter where the remote was.

“Benders are proving to be increasingly dangerous to our safety,” Roddie’s father said on the TV, “They are born with something that distinguishes them as more powerful and-“ As much as she wanted to listen in, she turned it off and replaced the ambience noise with calm music. She can’t think of this. She has to ignore it.

But can she? Was Johnny right again about it being her responsibility? Or will she make it worse? Afterall, with his logic – she’s the most dangerous one of them all. She can bend with four different elements with extra powers like energy bending and the Avatar State. What good can she do if she was locked up?

The café at night was much more different than during the day. The hum of the music filled the café, echoing off the walls. The café was now closed but Tari remained inside, cleaning up anything to make things easier for Hendery to take over for tomorrow. He’d be doing morning shifts until Sunday (when the café closes at 7pm) so that Tari can get her usual sleep schedule for her usual 6am call to work. She was waiting for Doyoung. The few times she would have night shift, Doyoung would always come pick her up.

His schedule at the training gym happens from 12pm to 6pm, and then he goes to dinner with his friends and co-workers, and then he goes to the temple for a few hours to volunteer or do some extra work. So, coming to the café to pick up Tari seemed to be a natural event, especially as he walks past it on his way to the train station for his way home.

Tari pulled out her phone, sitting in one of the booths and texted Johnny, knowing Doyoung was already on his way.

tari: did you see the news today?

Johnny was always quick at responding – even when on missions. At least, with her and Doyoung he is – potentially because he stays at their place a lot, potentially because they call themselves ‘gaang’, something Johnny came up with due to Katara, Sokka, and Aang being the original peas in a pod and Tari heavily refused to be called ‘Team Avatar’.

leach: I went to the press conference – so so so annoying, mayor called it last minute, i wasn’t suppoosed to be working today! glad i went tho, he’s such a dick honestly…think he’s going insane. Can I come over?

Tari chuckled; this is the first time he asked to come over. But she doesn’t know if she want’s to say yes. Whenever she thinks of Johnny now, she thinks of what he believes in.

tari: ask doyoung haha still in the café. First time you asked in a year or so, I’m surprised.

leach: firstly – I asked bc I was outside ur apartment and neither of u were here and I mightve left my copy of the keys in ur place and also bc u seemed upset w me this afternoon

leach: u usually say goodbye you just left in a rush

leach: im waiting for ur response but im rn in the corner shop nearby. do u want me to buy a ice frostie + dimsum?

She’s upset, but she can’t tell him why. But, she’s also upset that Johnny knows her weaknesses.

tari: I WAS LATE

leach: NO U WERE NOT I KNOW UR SCHEDULE

tari: stalker

leach: *someone who cares abt u a lot

tari: *** stalker

Suddenly, as her phone dinged in her hand, she heard the door chime. She stood up, grabbing her stuff and laughing as she was about to tell a story. “Doyoung, Johnny is a-“

“Not Doyoung, guess again.” She looked up and saw Sukiara again. Sukiara’s deep blue eyes haunted her; her jet black hair with a few stray gray strands running like a waterfall down her back. “I need to talk to you and you cannot keep running away from me.” With that, Sukiara iced the doors behind her. This is the first time Sukiara ever used her bending skills against Tari – she knew Sukiara was serious.

As much as she hated Sukiara with every fibre of her being, Sukiara was also her guardian – the one who protects her and watches over her. As much as she hated Sukiara, Sukiara was practically her mom.

“What?” Tari gave up and fell back onto her chair, dropping her stuff onto the floor.

“You need to train more. Not just once a month anymore.” Sukiara sighed in defeat, falling to the chairr in front of Tari.

Tari let her head fall back. “I came to Sooman to experience a somewhat normal life. To not have the world lay on my shoulders. There’s nothing I can do right now, and even so, if I mind my own business and not call myself out - maybe the best will happen. Plus! I’m not good enough to be the Avatar, Kiara. And the people here don’t need me. If I show myself, the mayor might kill me.”

“You will never have a normal life.” Sukiara almost growled, leaning forward across the table. “You are not able to live your life for yourself. Your life isn’t yours. It isn’t your families or your friends. It’s the worlds. You are the Avatar and your purpose is to protect the world and mankind.”

Tari stood up from her seat, “From what, Kiara? From what?” She sighed, “If I show my powers, how likely is it that the mayor puts me in jail or kills me?” The realization struck her, “To be fair, if he kills me, you might get a better Avatar than me next time.” She chuckled sadly.

“Shut up.” Sukiara growled as she jumped to her feet - matching Tari in height. “Listen, there’s bigger things than the mayor. If you leave now, if you do anything dumb now, you’re just proving yourself right and showing that you weren’t good enough. Train more. Admit your identity. Admit to who you are and stop running away from it, because you’re only doing more damage.”

Before Tari could respond, Sukiara seemed to glide out of there. As her hand touched the handle and dissipated the ice into steam, Tari saw Doyoung approaching the café. Sukiara, having watched Tari occasionally, recognised her roommates face and left the door open, smirking. She could reveal me to him now, Tari thought as she interpreted the cocky look on her face as she approached her roommate, and then I’ll lose him forever.

Doyoung bowed his head gently and thanked her before coming in. Sukiara, as she was walking out, looked back and turned to look at Tari, “You know how to contact me.” She let go of the handle and disappeared into the night.

“Who’s that?” Doyoung asked, eyes furrowed in confusion.

“Nobody.” She sighed, hopeless and full of dread. Doyoung’s eyebrows furrowed more – he can read her easily, he knows she wasn’t nobdoy. Tari shook her head, faked a smile and looked up. She grabbed her stuff and stood up. “No one, just a health and safety person checking for hygiene. She thinks I didn’t do the dishes well and she’s going to tell the bosses” She lied, “Has Johnny texted you about how dumb he is?”

request anything for future parts / penny for your thoughts here

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bucky-iss-bae · 6 years ago

Text

Puppy Eyes (Bucky X Reader)

I don’t actually know if I’ve done a Bucky x Reader one-shot, although I’ve not done a lot at all, and need to start writing up some more to keep the content coming, but I’ve got horrible deadlines and I’m going Germany next week, so the account might be a little dead, I’ll try to still upload out there x

Anywayyyyy....

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Fandom: Marvel (MCU)

Prompts/Summary: 1. He’s the opposite of friendly. He’s unfriendly. As in don’t be friends with him. 2. ‘You know you’re adorable when you’re mad’ – ‘I can literally kill you’ 3. Slow dancing �� - Just following the Reader and Buckys journey.

Warnings: A few kisses and bad words??? PURE FLUFF xoxo

Word Count: 3400

A/N: I hope you all enjoy this, I really enjoyed writing it and I know theres a lot that can be tweaked on, I know this because I’m still trying to improve on my writing... But I just I hope you all enjoy it because I really did.

Masterlist Fandom list

Y/N and Bucky’s relationship hadn’t always been the cutest. There was a time, a year and about 6 or 7 months ago where she would irritate him to no end. It was like, a combination of Sam and Peter, but all in one person. She made him watch TV, she teased him and constantly called him a little lost puppy but became one of his best friends. She was worse than both Sam and Peter because of the feelings he had for her, how she made him feel.

When he first got introduced to Y/N she was shy, and she was quiet. She was good at her job, she kept to herself, but she had certain people she was close to, well everyone yet she was still so quiet. She hung out a lot with Bruce because of how calm she was, they had their own TV shows they’d only watch together. They would binge TV endlessly, old series, as well as new series it was their thing.

She had similar music tastes to Sam, and whenever she got a little tipsy, even the smallest amount, she would be up there doing karaoke with him. They were awful together, but they gave everyone a good laugh, and music allows them to express themselves.

Natasha, Wanda and Y/N, they were like sisters, whenever they had girls trips, whether it's to the spa, the shooting range, or even shopping, the girls always giggled like they had little secrets, Hill often involved with these trips and in on these secrets as she was the same to them.

She was young compared to some of the Avengers, she understood what memes were and she understood Peters humour. The two of them constantly tagged one another in memes on Instagram, they almost spoke another language when around one another, and although there was an age difference between them, she still understood, apparently her having little brothers and sisters helps.

She also had a somewhat weird relationship with Vision and Scott. With Vision, she often helped him plan date nights for him and Wanda, and when it came to Scott, they again had similar levels of humour. Apparently dad jokes are the worst, but they can still make people laugh.

Thor, he could get on with anyone, and Y/N was no exception. She taught him mundane things and he always told her his most exciting stories. She got him addicted to tiny little fairy cakes. He always asked for them whenever he returned from Asgard, and seeing Thor in the kitchen, with flour all over himself made people wonder if he actually is as powerful as he says he is.

Barton had known her for years, he essentially trained her, before she was an avenger he trusted her to babysit his kids. He helped save her family and motivated her to use her unique skillset further which resulted in her joining shield before she joined the Avengers after a few missions with them.

Tony was like a father figure to her, or maybe like an uncle figure. He, the same as Clint had known her for a long time, since just after he became Iron man. Their conversations were always deep and meaningful, she made him see sense when no one else could, well until Steve could. But still, their relationship was something special.

And with Steve, he could get on with anyone, he had a soft spot for Y/N, just like everyone else has. He saw some of himself in here, especially pre-serum Rogers. Her internal strength and integrity. And they also spoke about sport a lot, she helped him get more with it in terms of the 21stcentury.

So overall Y/N was close to everyone, someone who is quiet, innocent, and capable of getting the job done. Someone who works hard, and when Y/N met Bucky. She saw someone who didn’t want to communicate with anyone other than Steve and Sam. Once the Winter Soldier was out of him he was still quiet and reserved but done well on missions.

When they were first introduced, he almost walked around with a warning sign that screamed, ‘Don’t talk to me, I’m a brooding scary killer machine’. It didn’t intimidate her in the slightest, although Clint had made a joke the first time she met him,

“He’s the opposite of friendly Y/N. He’s unfriendly. As in don’t be friends with him”

She just looked at Clint, “He’s just acting. Look at him, he’s like... he’s like a puppy. A puppy doesn’t scream unfriendly, a puppy screams, ‘be my friend’”

Clint just rolled his eyes with a snort, “Well, just remember he’s not like everyone else”

Y/N just nodded at that staring at him, he was sat on the couch with Steve, he looked slightly uncomfortable to be surrounded by everyone, “You’re not like everyone else either Barton. No one is like anyone”

“We’re talking about someone who’s capable of killing anyone within seconds”

“And how long does it take you to kill someone?” She asked him,

“Touché” He muttered,

Y/N just smiled in success, “It’s ok, I’ll prove you wrong, and I’ll be able to be his friend. Just give it time” She said to Clint, he just groaned in response knowing that this is Y/N, she knows her boundaries when it comes to being friends with someone. And she’s going to push those boundaries now.

It was almost like a personal mission for Y/N. She hadn’t told anyone aside from Barton her plans, and that was to become Bucky’s friend. Whether he liked it or not. She could be anyone’s friends, and he really is a lost little puppy no matter how intimidating he is.

When they first spoke she showed no fear, she didn’t have any hostility, and instead welcomed him with a warm smile, “Y/N can make anyone happy. And she knows a lot that can help us get up to date, a little less sarcastic than the kid, a little more with it when it comes to current trends” Steve explained to Bucky.

Bucky just nodded, “Nice to meet you” He grumbled, but little did he know, that was just the start. This small, innocent, and quiet Y/N was about to literally ruin his life for the better and make him believe in love again. It was going to suck, but it was going to be amazing.

It took a while for him to even remotely warm up to her. But day in day out, she just smiled greeted him and had some small talk. It got to a point where the small things made him smile, she knew his coffee order from the local Starbucks, it was a basic black coffee, but she encouraged him to try a few different ones. Each day she watched his facial expressions changed as she handed him his coffee and he drank it.

So far all the stronger ones were more to his liking, and the weaker ones, he pulled a face at but secretly preferred. It’s because he’s a little puppy who acts tough but really isn’t. Well, maybe a little. But still.

Although he didn’t show it, on the inside it made him happy, she took time out to get to know him. She also introduced her to her favourite films. And the best films... in her opinion.

“Did fetch ever become a thing?” He grimaced one day.

“As a joke, sure. But, in the film, there are so many iconic lines.” He just nodded at that, “Can we watch something that’s not as... bitchy?”

I snorted at that but put on The Godfather, Bruce had joined them at this point, handing Y/N the popcorn, and Bucky the Twizzlers. Bucky took them and stared at Bruce in shock, but instead, the three of them sat there watching the film.

Each day the two got closer, everyone noticed this and whenever Clint noticed, he would shake his head and laugh a little. Tony had told her to be careful, and everyone else was shocked at how he was so easily coming out of his shell to become friends with you.

“I promise you, this film is one of the best things ever,” She said to him,

“You said that about Toy Story. And it was great, but it made you emotionally attached to Toys Y/N. Toys!” He said putting emphasis on how he got upset because of the final scene in Toy Story Three.

Y/N just grinned, “This is different, The Lion King will warm your heart,” She said,

Bruce had scoffed at that, he never watched the film with her, it was emotional. It made grown men, women and assassins cry. It made Bucky cry.

“I’m never trusting you again” He grumbled to her as the film ended and pride rock was happy again.

She was laying down, her head in his lap, and she looked up at him. “Oh come on Bucky. It was amazing. You’ve gotta admit that. I remember when I watched this at the theatre. Ok that’s a lie, I don’t remember but I know that I was taken to watch it”

“You know Y/N, I’ve been through a very traumatic life, couldn’t we do something that’s I don’t know... less traumatic?”

Through the majority of the film, Bucky was playing with Y/Ns hair, the gesture relaxing for the both of them. Her hair was soft, and she was soft. Bucky enjoyed spending time with her because she didn’t look at him like he was broken. She looked at him with respect, she wasn’t afraid of him. And she showed him how to have fun, what the best thing to do in this day and age are.

So instead she introduced him to karaoke, Sam was the first one there with them, and Bucky was still so quiet that she had to sing his part with him. He didn’t realise when they first met that she was like this. That she was this outgoing person, especially when its only a few of them. In big groups, she’s the quietest one there, but then in smaller groups, she can be the loudest, she can have this aura around her that is happiness, that makes Bucky smile. He looks at her and he saw someone that had fought to break down his walls, this created such a close friendship between them. Steve was happy, happy to see someone so innocent and so pure teach bucky that he’s just as innocent as she is in terms of life and death. But also teaching him how to be happy again.

Their friendship developed further, but it was Bucky that took it one step further, that took them beyond friendship and instead something that no one else shared, he asked her on a date. They went to go watch a Broadway show, The Lion King to be exact. Apparently Tony helped him with the tickets, and the night was perfect, they went for food, went to watch the show and it made Y/N realise that Bucky was different. Different to anyone she ever knew. And Bucky knew that was different than anyone he had ever know. She had hidden qualities that no dame he’d ever met in his hundred years had.

It was that night he asked her to be his girlfriend, and from then on things became so much more different. She had broken down his walls, he hadn’t ever realised he could feel this way about someone, that he could love someone the way he does Y/N. Because he loves Y/N and couldn’t imagine his life without her.

Bucky had changed overall since the two had gotten together, after being friends for 6 months, and then a couple, he got more comfortable with everyone. He expressed his feelings, he sung on his own for karaoke and he recommended movies on nights where everyone was watching films together.

The two always cuddled, if not then her head was in his lap. They showed affection in small manners that meant a lot to one another, neither of them were outgoing in big groups, they preferred to stick together.

The first time Bucky said I love you to Y/N was something she would never forget. They’d been together for 3 months approximately, Tony had thrown an extravagant party, they’d all dressed up in their best ball gowns, their best suits and tuxedos. And it was an elegant event. Bucky looked breathtaking, his beard neatly trimmed, his hair was loose, and he looked amazing. Just as Y/N had in his eyes, she left her hair natural, put on enough makeup to make it look elegant, and wearing her favourite outfit. Bucky loved her, he just knew that he loved her. She was at the bar when two arms wrapped around her waist, she felt the coolness of the metal to know it was bucky, and the way he lightly kissed her neck,

“My beautiful doll” He murmured into her ear, “Your dress looks beautiful, but it would look better on my bedroom floor”

Y/N let out a laugh at this and turned around to face him, “Well then you’ll have to woo me tonight Barnes” She replied back before kissing his lips,

The night was as elegant as Stark could’ve hoped it would be. Everyone enjoyed it, there was no drama and towards the end of the night everyone was slow dancing,

Y/N was in Bucks' arms, the two swaying to the music, “Hey” He muttered getting her attention, she looked up at him, and the look on his face made her go weak at the knees. His eyes held so much love and emotion, it was in that moment she knew that she was so in love with this man, that she has no idea how life would be without him.

“Hey” She murmured back,

“I love you” He whispered resting his forehead against her, this caused a smile to breakout onto her lips before she kissed him, “Good” she muttered between kisses before standing back and looking into his eyes, “Because I love you too”

From there on the two often shared those words between themselves. Soon their routines became similar, they shared a room, shared the love between one another. Y/N still spent her time with the others, but she had special time for Bucky, despite how immature he could be, he still had the face of a puppy.

“You know, you’re adorable when you’re mad” She teased whilst pinching his cheek and walking around him to grab some coffee,

He had a pout on his face and looked like a kicked puppy, “I can literally kill you” He grumbled,

She let out a laugh at that, “Ok, just a warning, you’ll miss me” She said sticking her tongue out.

He sighed and still had that pout on his face, someone had eaten his favourite cereal, he didn't know how to take it. Although everyone knew it was Sam, Sam still denied it especially because he just wanted to eat.

“How about this” She started, “Let's go out for breakfast”

He immediately agreed and decided after breakfast they were going to get some more cereal from the store and they were going to hide it from Sam.

She agreed with him and went to get ready taking her mug with her, she’ll have plenty of space to drink some more.

From that morning on, at least once a month they went for breakfast, each time trying someplace new, and each time trying to make sure the place was aesthetical enough for Y/N to get a pic for the gram. Bucky was baffled but agreed and she made him her personal photographer. As someone who couldn’t use a phone, Bucky had become a pro at taking photos of Y/N, he was also a pro at having candid photos of himself being taken. She never told him, only if they were going on her Instagram she asked first. But between the two, they tried to cherish every moment.

It was a year into their relationship and on their anniversary when Bucky had to teach Steve how to take the perfect photo as he had been over the past year. Well, he started teaching him a while before, telling Tony to teach his man how to get with technology, and somehow Bucky had managed to get the perfect shot, the background all perfect, and Steve knowing when and where to take the right photo.

Bucky spent time near the lakes creating the perfect scene for the two of them, a candlelit dinner where they would celebrate their one year anniversary for when both of their lives changed for the better.

Y/N had no clue about any of this, she wasn’t even sure what to buy Bucky for their anniversary, she had panicked and gone to Natasha and Wanda. They gave some suggestions, and eventually, she settled on a watch with the date they got together engraved on the back along with their initials.

But he, he had gone above and beyond. She was dressed in a cute outfit, not underdressed but not overdressed, he told her they were going for dinner, she was happy ,what she hadn’t expected was the walk from the compound to the river to have rose petals as a path, to get there and to see beautiful fairy lights and flowers around the beautifully lit gazebo. It was still bright outside so the light pinks of the sky,

“Bucky” She whispered, “Its beautiful,” She said turning to look at him, her heart in her throat, she felt overwhelmed with happiness,

He led the way to the table, and they both sat down and ate. They reminisced over the year, and the 6 months before they got together. How she used to tease him endlessly, how they became best friends and how they fell in love. They ate food prepared by a chef of Tony’s, and the listened to music off of their favourite soundtrack.

When the table had been cleared they stood and danced in the sunset, before he started his speech.

“Y/N” Bucky started while slowly swaying around with her,

Her head was rested on his chest and she hummed back a reply, “What's up bucky?” She murmured,

He felt like she could feel his rapid heartbeat, he had never felt so nervous in his life. Nothing had prepared him for this singular moment,

“I um...” He started, “You know I love you right?”

“Yes Bucky” She said looking up at him slightly confused to see the nerves on his face, “And you know I love you too”

He took a deep breath before standing back, he let go of her waist and dropped to one knee, as he did her hands covered her mouth when she realized what he was doing.

“When we first met Y/N, you annoyed me like no one else did, you kept on breaking down these barriers, and all I could think is how can someone this innocent and shy, create such havoc in someone's life. But it slowly made me fall in love with you, each day we spent together I learnt more and more about you. You became my best friend, someone who wasn’t afraid of me, and someone who gave me a new lease on life.

You’re it for me Y/N, and I can’t do this without you. I had a long ass speech planned, but doll, seeing you stood there, in your pretty dress, looking at me with those pretty Y/E/C eyes, I just know that I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up every day beside you, I want to have a family with you, a life with you Y/N. So, ‘Y/N’ ‘Y/M/N’ ‘Y/S/N’, will you marry me?” He asked showing her the beautiful ring,

As he finished speaking tears were brimming at the corner of his eyes, but YN was in full bouts of tears, and nodded, “Yes, Bucky.” She sobbed out, “Yes I will marry you. Oh my gosh, of course, Bucky” She said,

Her answer caused relief to flush across his body as he stood up and engulfed her into a hug before the two of them kissed, Bucky had forgotten that he had gotten Steve to take photos of this moment, he had forgotten the nerves he felt before, he had forgotten how long it took to plan this night, and he forgot his script, but it was all worth it to have Y/N in his arms right now as his fiancé.

“I love you so much Bucky” She whispered grabbing his face in her hands,

“I love you too Y/N” He replied back both their eyes closed and their foreheads resting against one another’s.

#Bucky Barnes #Bucky Barnes Imagine #Bucky Barnes x Reader #bucky x reader #MCU #marvel cinematic universe #the winter solider x reader #the winter soilder #Steve Rogers #Tony Stark #Stony #Fluff #One Shot #Bucky Barnes Fluff

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