#secretions magnifique

[triplefrustration]

[silkysillycat]

Someone beat you to it. Semen and blood.

I make perfumes that smell like blood, phlegm, black bile, and yellow bile. They're not very good yet, but I'm trying to improve my scents of humor.

[guavabat]

just bought a sample of This

[smeeping]

one of the more evil scents on fragrantica

Just a small sample of the reviews that I read:

[emotionallychargedtowel]

sécrétions pas si magnifique

Once @wen-kexing-apologist brought the existence of the perfume Sécrétions Magnifiques by Etat Libre d’Orange to my attention, I felt like I had to at least smell it once. It has a unique marketing angle--it's supposed to smell like sex, to put it briefly--and reviews for it are highly polarized and fascinatingly vivid, particularly the negative ones. And yeah, the name means Magnificent Secretions. Naturally, I wanted to investigate.

A friend of mine got me some perfume samples as a belated Christmas gift and I asked her to include a sample of Sécrétions in the order. It took me a while to try it because I wanted to do so on a day when I was at home on my own and could put it on early in the day to give it a chance to fizzle out before my family got back. After all, some reviewers had said it was absolutely rank. A little while back, the right opportunity arose and I gave it a go.

My notes on the opening (the initial, soon-after-application scent):

Definitely aquatic, sweeter than expected (almost fruity), with a slight powdery quality. A really sharp metallic note (according to my info, this metallic note is via an aldehyde so it’s no surprise that it hits hard in the opening). Any muskiness seems to have been mostly swallowed up by the sweet gourmand note. The milky coconut notes are mostly just reading as sweet at this point. The whole thing is a really weird mixture. It’s not a complete juxtaposition, so I guess some skillful blending is happening here since the notes are so disparate. But it’s still a decidedly odd combination of elements.

And the drydown (the part after it has, you know, dried down):

It comes across as much more blended at this point. Aquatic and metallic notes that seemed volatile, like they wouldn’t last past the opening, stick around longer than expected. The gourmand notes get more distinctly lactonic and the salty aspect of the aquatic notes is a bit more noticeable. So at this point, it smells more like what I expected from its description—salty, metallic milk. The musk note is also in evidence but I really had to look for it, and it gets lost in the composition quickly.

(Segueing out of writing up my notes and into the general discussion...)

The sex smell concept makes a bit more sense at the drydown stage, but it’s still not a comparison I ever would have made unprompted. When you’re looking for it, though, it’s at least somewhat possible to read it that way. It’s not much like any sex smell I’ve ever come in contact with, but you could imagine it being one under certain circumstances (particularly since these sorts of smells vary so much between individuals). But even if I give it the benefit of the doubt in this way, it's still skewed in a direction that isn't entirely up my alley.

Basically, there are a number of secretions the name of this fragrance could theoretically refer to, and a good sex smell fragrance would, I think, smell at least a bit like all of them. The main ones would be sweat, semen, and vaginal fluid. And of the two I can sort of make out in this fragrance if I squint hard enough, the most prominent by far is what I can only call a semen accord.

Which may have something to do with why even when I could kind of see a way in which they accomplished what they were going for, this didn't appeal to me that much. A perfume that's supposed to smell like sex that is this bereft of pussy is, well, a choice. I dunno, maybe I’m just too bisexual for this stuff.

All of this might seem less glaring if it weren’t for the fact that the musk component wasn’t very noticeable either in the opening or the drydown. After all, sweat is pretty much the one universal sex smell. But I kept losing track of the musk entirely. It’s striking that seemingly volatile notes like the aldehydes in this stuck around for a surprisingly long time but the musk, which was never prominent, faded quickly. (I haven’t tried a lot of musk-heavy perfumes but my understanding was that musk notes usually stick around for longer than this.)

The saltiness combined with the metallic aldehydes caused this fragrance to give me a very distinct feeling in my nose. The combination of the smell and the nose feeling reminded me of the weird feeling/smell you get when you do a somersault in a chlorinated pool, something I haven't experienced in at least thirty years. That was a weird association to have side-by-side with the sex smell association. I found myself trying to imagine what sort of highly specific sex situation would result in this combination of elements. Things involving chlorine? Being upside down?

I guess there is one other thing I could liken that nasal sensation to: the feeling you get when, uh, ingesting certain substances through the nose. Not something I have a lot of familiarity with and what little I do have is decades old, but there was a similarity there. Once again, these associations evoke some pretty specific scenarios. Together, the chlorine/cocaine sensation and the predominance of the semen accord over any other "secretion" notes suggest some pretty specific scenarios rather than more general, highly relatable sexual situations. I couldn't help wondering what it might say about this perfumer that this is what he comes up with when commissioned to create a sex smell fragrance.

To sum up, this perfume sent me down a weird aesthetic rabbit-hole with some surprising associations. It was at least interesting to try. I think the perfumer would have liked it if this had caused some kind of bonkers erotic version of Proust's madeleine effect in me, but instead of bringing back memories it just made me feel compelled to somehow reconcile its weirdness with its marketing claims in a way that led to some truly random trains of thought. I didn't find this stuff repellent, like a lot of people do. I didn't find it sexy at all, like at least some others seem to. It was rather middling in terms of quality for me. There's something impressive about the fact that the perfumer was able to make something relatively cohesive out of such disparate notes, but just because it's not a total cacophony of unrelated smells doesn't mean it actually smells good. I guess if I had to say what the worst thing about it was, it's that it was, no pun intended, rather masturbatory. Because it turned out to be a pretty gratuitous exercise and it has the air of something that its creator/s thought was a hell of a lot cleverer than it actually was.

[abyssaldyke]

Put on secretions magnifiques for some friends to smell the other night and because it's literally the only perfume I've worn twice my brain (drunk) was like. Ah. Familiar. Perhaps a signature fragrance? How novel it would be for me to leave notes of breast milk and bloody semen in the work elevator

[heartnoose]

[nofearforthesettingsun]

Decided to try semen-based scents. Had mixed results. Here are my reviews.

[chewablepebbles]

I just spent so much money on smells so I'm calling it a hobby

[belle--ofthebrawl]

You're all being spared some truly heinous perfume posts right now so I think we should all be grateful I'm saving them to drafts instead.

[memser]

gerard would love état libre d'orange

[whoreishghost]

female christ is £150??????????????

[magnifiquemagazine]

Marci Shimoff

AVAILABLE ON SUBSCRIPTION ONLY STEP TWO of Magnifique Magazine’s 12 Private Steps is about the Law of Vibration, also known as the Law of Resonance. This is the “primary” law that underpins the “secondary” law (Law of Attraction). Bob Proctor stresses the importance of understanding how the primary law, Law of Vibration influences the effectiveness of the Law of Attraction, because it will help…

Download Here

[mynamesdrstuff]

3/5. btw.

Getting myself a little halloween/birthday treat and the first is definitely hexensalbe and the second HAS to be imaginary authors bulls blood because I've just checked and it's back in stock.... third may be heretic parfums poltergeist who's to know! Fourth I have no idea. If the fifth is secretions magnifique I'll jump off a cliff

ngl super excited about sniffing the bulls blood ever since I saw that fragrantica review that said it smells like roses and sex on brokeback mountain

[libraryraccoon]

I saw the Floyd request and I thought of rook hunt in hasbin hotel.

Rip Alastor his privacy he now became the hunted the both speaking French .

Imagine rook talking about angel dust his inner beauty is making him feel loved every day saying something positive.

And Charlie and vaggie getting put on romantic dates by rook and lucifer and rook seeing them ta about how beautiful love is.

Gender : GN

Pronouns : no real pronouns used(sometimes they/them)

Character : Alastor, general headcanon

Message from Raccoon : I was also thinking of a rook!reader while writing the Floyd!Reader tbh.

TW : ROOK!READER, a little suggestive

The Demon Of Hunt, a very strong overlord who knows everything about everyone. A predator whose prey are doomed to die.

They aren't a demon you want to mess with, you don't want to be their prey.

In their lifetime a very famous hunter living in a small village, in their death The Demon Of Hunt, the hunter everyone is afraid of.

Alastor

He met you when he was still killing overlords.

“Now, isn’t that a rather crude way of killing ?” You asked behind him.

How long have you been behind Alastor ? He has no idea.

“Oh ! And what a beautiful deer tail you have there ! C'est magnifique !” You say, touching Alastor's deer tail; ignoring the fact that you had just seen him kill an overlord.

He straight up hated you.

But he also found you interesting, especially when you could see through all his attacks.

Boring, but entertaining.

After that, you didn't let him go.

You followed him, stalking him, wherever he went.

Like a predator with its prey, observing it before killing it.

When he left for 7 years, he finally thought he had lost you…

You followed him.

For 7 fucking years he had to stay with you.

Even 8V>× didn't want to make a contract with you after seeing how weird you were.

Not to mention all the times you talked about love…

*add a disgusted Alastor*

You interfered in his life and never left, even though he tried to reject you.

And let's not even talk about your strange comments…

"Oh ! I wonder what red deer would taste like for dinner ! Or maybe a red wendigo ! Qu'en pense tu, Alastor ?"

“Red deer ?” *remembers that he is, technically, some sort of red deer/wendigo as a demon.* "Ha ha ! Stay 100km/h away from me."

When you arrived at the hotel, Alastor finally felt free ! After all his years of being the stolkant, you finally left him alone !

Well, not always, after all you would never leave your prey friend alone for too long, but you weren't with him all the time.

Alastor won't lie, not being with you 24/7 after so long was weird…

He finally had privacy-

100% complained to Rosie about you.

“And they never gave me space !” -Alastor

"Really ?" -Rosie

"Well, I'll give him some time alone. For the bathroom." -Rook!Reader, arriving out of nowhere behind Alastor.

Although Alastor considers you as a menace, there are times when he is grateful to you and to be your friend.

Like those rare times of weakness, when you helped him feel better, reassured him. It was the rare times he was grateful to have you as a friend.

I just know that when you want to talk about something private/you don't want others to hear you, you speak French.

Although sometimes you just do it to piss off other people.

"Mon cher cerf préférer ! Al' ! Je viens de découvrir quelque chose sur Vox, tu vas pas y croire !"

"Je vais préparer le thé, après tu me racontera."

You turn all Overlord meetings from boring to interesting meetings.

During meetings, you had the habit of telling everyone's secrets (except Alastor's secrets, bestie privilege), and always the most interesting ! Like this time you said you saw Carmilla decapitate an exterminator !

*After the song Respectless.* "Actually, mes chers amis, it is possible, or not, that I saw Carmilla decapitate an exterminator with her shoes. C'était un combat splendide !"

General Headcanon

You don't let anyone have privacy.

They know it, but they can't say anything.

Angel Dust suffered the most of that, he saw you during one of his shoots watching him in the shadows.. It was terrifying.

“Just try to be sexy.” -Valentino looking at Angel Dust during a shoot.

"Oh, mais mon cher, he's sexy enough like this ! Take off the underwear and people will love it !" -Rook!Reader behind Valentino, coming out of nowhere.

"MOTHERFUCKER-" *Add Valentino's scream of terror.*

You comforted Angel after each shoot, cheering him up in a more or less suspicious ways.

You call Angel Dust by his real name, Anthony. You are the only one in the hotel who knows his real name and calls him like that.

Angel Dust is sort of happy that someone thinks of him as Anthony and not Angel Dust.

Valentino hates you, as do all Vees and all the demons.

Lucifer found you weird the first time he meet you, and knowing your reputation, it was normal, but in the end you got along really well.

You 🤝 Lucifer = make Charlie and Vaggie have romantic dates by candlelight.

“Ah, youthful love ! Que c'est beau !”

“I miss the love of youth..” (in a dramatically way)

Did I mention that you and Lucifer are and always will be drama queens ?

You and Lucifer are just THAT bestie duo that everyone wants to be.

I can so see you having these dinners for two in fancy restaurants while being platonic. You say the most romantic things, speaking in French, and Lucifer joins you in those moments, doing the same.

"Oh, mon chéri, you look beautiful tonight ! Even more brilliant than usual !"

"Oh, I should be the one to tell you that ! You look beyond stunning tonight in that costume !"

You are trending on the networks.

Every. Fucking. Days.

On the networks, there are 3 teams; those who ship Lucifer x Rook!Reader, those who ship Alastor x Rook!Reader, and those who say you are a hopelessromantic and/or aromantic.

They have hilarious debates that you love to join for just fuck all and everyone.

"Well, it's true that Monsieur Alastor is quite handsome, but Lucifer ? Oh, je ne sais même pas ou commencer a son sujet !" -Rook!Reader on the networks screwing up between the teams, always changing the place between Lucifer and Alastor.

You are a star in all the circles of hell fr.

One day, Charlie asked you if you were dating her father after seeing what you were doing/writing on internet.

You answered some shit like "As much as I would love to be with him, je ne pourrais qu'en rêver. He is far too good and handsome man for a simple sinner like me."

Vaggie doesn't trust you, not in a million of eons.

Sir Pentious asked if you had a death wish after he saw you touch Alastor's deer ears…

"Oh, to die by the hand of such a magnifique et servant gentleman ! What an honor that would be !"

Sir Pentious has never seen Alastor back away from someone so fast before-

Niffty like you. You regularly complimented her on her work and her beauty.

Husk, on the contrary, doesn't like you.

He had to endure you and Alastor's shit for too long, 7 years without both of you wasn't enough.

You intrude into people's intimate moments.

And by people, I mean Husk and Anthony.

Imagine Husk and Angel Dust, just being quietly alone, a super romantic moment, and then, you pop in between the two…

But sometimes when you compliment them (one time per day), they like you.

I like to think that the Tik Tok hell version is like the one of the living, with people doing random ship. And Rook!Reader live for that.

[pomefioredove]

In my bones I know that Rook is the type of guy who loves to go exploring be it forest or man-made structures. With that in mind I have an idea for a fic:

MC!Reader & Rook Hunt making weekend dates out of exploring the unknown places on Sage Island. It's their little ritual that they take great joy in! From the restricted sections of Crowley's office to a small abandoned island off the coast they enjoy taking in sights meant for no-one else.

ROOK REQUEST!!! thank you I love him so muchhh... the fact that archeology becomes an interest of his is so adorable to me <3 rook baby let me take you out and tell you about the incan empire and dead languages and

summary: weekend dates with rook type of post: fic characters: rook additional info: romantic, established relationship, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu, french warning, fluffy and cute <3

"One thousand words, one thousand, can you believe that?" you ask, twirling a perfectly-sharpened pencil between your fingers. It had yet to even graze the surface of the paper in your lap.

What a waste of wood.

You slump, leaning against the rough bark of an oak tree. A movement in the foliage overhead sends a deluge of leaves onto your lap, coloring the white of the empty paper with vibrant shades of green.

Rook emerges from the verdure above with a graceful plunk at your side.

"Five hundred each, chéri," he says, picking a leaf out of your hair and ignoring the ones on the notebook.

You tilt your head to the side, watching as he scales the tree again. "Yes, but I was under the impression we'd do it together,"

"Ah, a marvelous idea!" his voice calls out from overhead. "But that can wait for later, non? Come up and see this robin's nest I've uncovered!"

You chuckle. Even with the deadline looming nearer, you couldn't help but indulge him.

Crowley's words still rung fresh in your mind: "Five hundred words on the evil of trespassing. Each!"

Admittedly, seeing the man actually get angry was both amusing and unsettling. You supposed digging around the secret chamber behind his office was pushing it, but how could you resist Rook's charming smile when he said he'd found a trap door and wished to explore it together?

How were you supposed to know that passage would end up in Crowley's office, anyway?

"Mm?" Rook's head pokes out from the leaves again. "Are you coming, Trickster?"

You had begun to fill out that nickname quite nicely.

You set aside the pencil and paper (still untouched) in favor of scaling the lowest branches of the tree. You'd become quite the climber since meeting Rook.

"Ah, the way you so carelessly toss aside your obligations, as if freeing yourself from the shackles of the modern world!" Rook sings, offering a hand to help you onto the branch he's sat atop.

You can't help a smile as he guides you onto the thick part of the branch in front of him. "It was rather symbolic, wasn't it?"

"Chéri, if only I had the time, I would write a poem for every little thing you do," he sighs dreamily. "Come, miel, join me in being wild."

He cups your chin and guides your gaze to a curve where two branches meet, only an arm's-length away. Nestled in the heart of it is a small, delicate, cup-shaped nest, filled with baby blue eggs.

"Très magnifique," he comments, his voice breathless and soft. "The miracle of life. A sign that spring has returned once more, putting Monsieur L'Hiver to rest."

"They are beautiful... will they hatch soon?"

"Ah, that depends on how you define "soon". Robins incubate for but two weeks," he says. "Soon for us, but half a lifetime for them..."

His ensuing sigh is soft and contented, almost distracting you from the feeling of his arms finding their way around your waist, and his chin resting on your shoulder.

"Mm... I could stay here all day. Have you slept in a tree before, chéri?"

You've learned by now not to take such comments as jokes, although you're sure he already knows what the answer is.

You smile, your sweet tone tinged with the faintest hint of mischief. "No, not recently,"

"It has been a long time for me. Sometimes I fear I've become too domesticated... c'est bien I have you to bring out the wild animal in me again, hm?"

He chuckles to himself before promptly burying his face in the crook of your neck again, breathing you in.

You lean back into him, earning a little squeeze from his arms. Perhaps you could stay here all day, if not for...

"The essay..." you murmur.

Rook laughs again. "It can wait. I will gladly chance the ire of our headmage and my housewarden..." he clicks his tongue. "Taking risks for you is a delight I cannot help but indulge in."