#sebastian stan man you lookin good

[buckysbbgirl]

Sebastian Stan, man you lookin’ good.

[heytheredelulu]

Hi

Fave falcon and winter soldier scenes??

Hi!

Oh, that’s a toughie because there are so many good ones. 😭

I’d say that some of my favorites are probably:

“That’s a little close!”

“Lookin’ strong, John!”

🎶 She took my arm, I don’t know how it happened. 🎶

“Boy, you ✨earned✨ this ass whoopin’!”

Bucky & his nemesis, Redwing- “GET OUTTA MY FACE, SAM!”

And on a more serious level:

Bucky in Wakanda.

Sebastian Stan delivered us a heart-shattering performance and he barely even spoke.

Bucky & Sam fighting John Walker.

Bucky having to pretend to be the Winter Soldier at the nightclub in Madripoor. The whole scene had me rocking back and forth and crying, “No! No! You leave that poor man be! It’s okay, sweet boy, it’s okay! We know that’s not who you are, baby.” 😩

Any of the Louisiana scenes with Bucky and Sam.

“Hi Sarah 😏”

I would really, really enjoy getting a film or tv series that dives into Isaiah Bradley’s backstory. Give that man a movie, FEIGE!

[platonic-tuna]

Still proud of you my bby 😊😊

So proud for Sebastian Stan 😊

[rillils]

RILLLLLSSSSSSSSS

ITS BEEN SO LONG HOW R U

YOUNG ROYALS.

SEASON 3 IS DONE 💞💞💞💞💞

SEASON 3 IS DONE 💔💔💔💔💔

ALSO THE NEW SEB PICS??????? BEEFY BUCKY WITH THE LONG HAIR 😍😍😍

ive been watching the last season if merlin 15 minutes at a time because i am not about to lose me sweethearts rn oh my lord

OMG SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE GJDHDK

Okay, first things first, HELLO MY BABY 💕💖💕💖💕💖💕💖 I've missed you a lot around here, honey!! I'm doing alright, just the usual amount of stress - but let's be real, that's my default state of mind xD I hope you're doing well, my dear 🥰🥰🥰 Hopefully school is over (or will soon be over) so you can rest and enjoy your vacation 💕💕💕

NOW: HOLY PATCHOULI RAGU AND RAVIOLI, I JUST SAW THE ANNOUNCEMENT AND EDVIN AND OMAR'S VIDEO MESSAGE AND AHDJAGDKSLDJK *SCREECHES* I'm getting a bit emotional here ngl 🥺🥺🥺 I can't believe that the show is actually over now, even though it's probably gonna be a while before we can watch s3, since they just finished shooting 😭😭😭 I'm hoping with all my heart that s3 will give us what we desperately need!! A happy ending for the boys pls!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

As for one Sebastian Mcfreakin' Stan, I simply can't look at those pics and videos without WEEPING, HONEY, LIKE I'M TALKING LEAKING FAUCET, OPEN BAR, LEMME CRY IN YOUR COCKTAIL REAL QUICK KIND OF WEEPING HERE

he looks. so good. my brain cannot comprehend it. I look back and then back again and the little lightbulb in my skull keeps flickering on and off because?? Is this a real human??? Does anything remotely similar to This Man truly exist??????? With those arms that look like they could engulf you so sweetly and protect you from all harm, and those boobs- sorry I mean tits- sorry I mean chESt, that CHEST that looks like it was only made for your cheek to lie upon it, and be the firmest pillow you ever slept on? and the hair??? The stubble?? The high-waisted pants?? I've seen people slander those pants, right, but as far as I'm concerned they just enhance his whole I'm Too Hot, Hot Damn��� vibe these days. make the tiny waist look even tinier and the broad shoulders look even broader and omg I can't think about this for too long or I will spontaneously combust 🔥🔥🔥

Should I also mention that white tank tops never really did anything for me until this man came along?? AND THE RINGS. THE MUMMERFUCKING RINGS. It's like. Every now and then Mr Stan-Lookin-Good-There-Man decides to accentuate his long, nimble fingers with pretty glinting metal and my brain fucking short-circuits like "NOPE - WHAT DIS - CANNOT COPE"

I feel he has awakened a monster in me *flies into the sun*

As for Merlin, oh babe, I feel ya 🥺🥺 Take your time with it, honey, I'm sure your heart will thank you for it 💖💖💖 I love you very much bby 💕💕💕 I hope you have a super nice day 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

[clefclefairy]

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 hi i wanna purchase all the jojo opinions and if you have any for the mcu then those too

oh god lol okay. look. i have been in some godawful fandoms. the mcu was objectively worse on a larger scale but jojo fandom was an absolute tar pit. just people whose parents weren't even fucking born when the series debuted hotly debating if the 15 year old bodybuilder lookin ass bitch could fuck another teenager. just absolute raw insanity. if i ever meet the guy who pitched voltron to netflix i'd shoot them in front of everyone who loved them, i can tell you that much. and if you don't understand the throughline there i can't help you, i've been in fandom too long. it's so weird to have tumblr hot takes on this bc i was basically in the trenches on twitter for this one. I met awesome people and literally, my fucking partner of almost 4 years in the midst of this, but holy fucking shit did this series just bring out something insane in people, and not in a good way. that's calmed down somewhat, but like...what a time!

actual hot takes about the series? god. stone ocean was screwed so hard by netflix. i feel like the backstory reveal at the end. you know the one. if you don't....don't even worry about it! but that was the albatross around this thing's neck and always will be. do I think it was inherently a bad writing choice? no. do I think it was....not as delicately handled as it could have been? god yes. and it is almost next to impossible to discuss for about nine million reasons so uh, truly one of the backstories of all time. part 7 rules just go fuckin read it you don't need to know anything about any other jojo series. it's really incredible seeing how much araki's grown and changed as an artist. that's not really a hot take i don't think but like. it's so good!

hottest take: dio is both a lot more interesting than he gets credit for and incredibly overhyped. what do i mean by that? wouldn't be a hot take if I explained it, yeah?

I should've gotten my ass out of the mcu the second it was obvious none of the avengers were just going to hang out and be friends. it's incredible watching this stupid fucking franchise wallowing in the worst excesses of everything bad about comics, and it only took them 12 years to rot to this degree versus what took cape comics arguably 80 years to reach! uh...congrats?

also i will never forgive steve/bucky for ruining steve/tony. that should've been the main mcu yaoi ship they've been fucking for decades it's insane how much of that back and forth was just ripped away because the mcu doesn't know how to be homoerotic because it isn't nearly artistic enough, that was all sebastian stan and good for him but also god dammit man, you ruined everything!

[littlemissidontcare]

omg guys sebastian is pregnant, you can tell by the chubby face, he's glowing 💜😍 / Sebastian Stan, man, you're lookin' good! 🤰

[falcqns]

sarah

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

summary: you see bucky flirt with sarah and you become insecure.

warnings: angst, fluff, insinuations to smut

a/n: just to be clear, i don’t hate Sarah, i just thought this would be a cute little fic! hope you enjoy!

logically, you knew Bucky wouldn’t cheat on you.

you knew him better than that, but why was dread slowly making its way through your body like a virus?

when you had arrived in Louisiana, you were ecstatic to finally meet Sams family. he had told you and Bucky a little bit about them after blip, while you and him were waiting for Bucky to finish being checked by Shuri.

but, he hadn’t told you how beautiful his sister Sarah was.

at first it didn’t bother you, but when Bucky introduced himself in that flirtatious voice, and smiled when she said her name was Sarah, you felt the jealousy manifest itself in your heart.

to be clear, you were not a jealous person. you trusted the men you’d dated, other than the one who cheated on you 7 times, but that’s besides the point.

but, you grew more and more jealous as the days went on, and you had no idea what to do. if Steve were here, he’d tell you that Bucky most likely wasn’t flirting, but he’d talk to him.

but, that motherfucker had to go and abandon Bucky for his “girl” that wasn’t really his “girl”, so you were left with Samuel Thomas Wilson.

you’d barely got the words “i think Bucky is flirting with your sister” out of your mouth before Sam had stormed down to the boat in search of the bionic staring machine.

the next thing you know, Sam has Bucky pinned up against a wall, and is threatening him with his life.

“you flirt with my sister again, we’re gonna have issues. you have a good thing with Y/N, don’t ruin it.” he ended with, and walked away, giving you a wink as he went.

you smiled timidly, and looked up at Bucky who’d just approached you.

“i’m so sorry, doll.” he said, wrapping you in his arms. “i don’t know what i was thinking.” you shook your head in his arms.

“you clearly weren’t thinking.” you said, and he nodded, before squeezing you tighter. “i’m sorry. i should have realized how you’d feel about that. honestly,” he said, pulling away to look you in the eyes. “i wasn’t trying to flirt with her. she said her name was Sarah, and it reminded me of Steve’s mom, and it made me smile. Steve’s mom was my second mother, and i always helped her take care of Steve when he was sick. when she passed away, it felt like i had lost a parent, even though i hadn’t. i hadn’t heard that name in so long, and i’m sorry that i did that.” he said and you smiled.

“it’s okay. thank you for being honest though.” you said, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “and, if you want, we can name one of our kids Sarah if you want.” Bucky’s face lit up at your suggestion.

“i’d love that.” he said. he turned you around, and pulled you towards the cabin of the boat. “now, i think i need to show my girl that i belong to her.”

[f10werfae]

“Girl's” Holiday

Pairing: Husband! Chris Evans x Wife! Reader

Word count: 922

Summary: Y/n and her friends get a few visitors while on their annual girl’s holiday

(this is extremely short but I enjoyed writing it anyways🤞)

Warning: Inappropriate touching

Requests are always open!

Likes, Comments and Re-blogs are appreciated♥️

Y/n's P.O.V)

Fixing my bikini in the mirror, I tightened the straps on the underwear when I heard my best friend banging on the door.

“Oi Y/n hurry up, the tanning isn’t going to wait all day”

“Coming Bff/n!” I shouted back quickly grabbing my sunglasses and opening the door with my beach towel in my hand. Walking out of the beach resort, we walked towards the beach where our other friends were already set up with their towels.

“What took you guys so long?” F/n asked pulling her sunglasses up onto her head.

“This girl over here spent like a good hour talking to her hubby back home” Bff/n said laughing while nodding towards me, a deep blush already spreading onto my cheeks.

“What?? we jus really miss each other alright?” I said smiling at their teasing, laying down my towel and pouring sun screen all over me. Thinking back to Chris and I's call earlier, a deep blush spread all over my face, remembering his handsome face.

“You guys are so in love it’s gross” F/n said putting her sunglasses back on and laying back down, “i’m taking that as a massive compliment babes” I replied knocking her sunglasses off jokingly before laying down as well.

“Hey you guys are acting as if you guys haven’t been missing your boys too, when I know damn well I heard Bff/n over there sleep talking about her one and only Sebastian stan”

“Shut up Y/n, I can’t control my sleep talking” She replied laughing, all three of us now just taking in the warm sun of Mexico.

“What do you think those three boys are doing right now anyway? Now that they’re all staying at your house Y/n, with Chris”

“God knows, they’re probably seeing who can burp the loudest while upside down” I said laughing, thinking about the three man children we left behind back in Boston.

(Time Skip to around the afternoon)

Heading back to our separate rooms, for a deserved rest, we all said our goodbyes for now. Opening my door, I let out a sigh of relief as the air conditioning greeted me with a nice cold breeze. My new tan glowing in the afternoon sunlight, the smell of the salty water in my hair, life honestly could not be going any better.

Entering the shower, I turned on the water trying to wash off all the sand on my body and the smell of the sea. Instantly feeling warm again as soo as I got out the shower, I decided against wearing anything else other than my silk robe Chris had bought me on our honeymoon a few months ago.

I walked over to my bed, the white covers pulled back and ready for me to dive in, that was until I heard a random knock on my hotel room door.

Surely that wasn’t Bff/n or F/n, they said they were both going to nap for a bit?

I hadn’t ordered any food either?

Cursing myself I looked at the door, unfortunately this hotel had no peep holes for me to look out of. Cautiously I approached the door, not unlocking the chain but unlocking the door slightly.

“Who is it?”

I said not daring to peek out, when suddenly a large hand held the door open and had reached in to unlock the chain within seconds, not even giving me enough time to react. Before I was left face to face with him, Chris.

“YOU ASSHOLE I THOUGHT YOU WERE SOME KIDNAPPER!” I said in frustration and slight relief as I jumped onto him, causing the door behind him to close and automatically lock again.

“Yeah well I wanted it to be a surprise bub, you doin alright? cus you sure are lookin' alright” He said with that usual flirty tone in his voice, both his arms holding me up, he walked us over to the edge of the bed and sat down.

“How on Earth did you get here?” I said pulling the NASA cap off his head, running my hands through his brown hair.

“Well obviously by plane my love, but if you really mean why? Then basically, me and the guys got bored and decided to come down. Hope you don’t mind?”

“Of course I don’t you hunk” I replied, cupping his bearded face in my hands and smashing my lips onto his, two weeks I had missed his touch.

“now my question for you Mrs. Evans is, do you always wear this little when i’m not around” He whispered in my ear, his hands playing with the silk robe tie at the front.

“Hmm sometimes I even wear nothing, Mr. Evans” I said biting his bottom lip, feeling his hands untie the robe and pull it down over my shoulders.

“Maybe I should surprise you more often huh?” He said smirking, his rough hands smoothing over my bare skin.

“Yeah I would like that”

“i’m sure you would hun, i’m sure you would”

His hands moving up my body slowly before groping my left tit, not daring to break eye contact. “I missed you so much at home baby, even dodger was missing his momma” Chris said leaning forward, his lips pressing open mouthed kisses on my neck and collarbone.

“I missed my boys too, I promise.” I said wrapping my arms around his neck.

“Yeah, well then show me how much you missed me”

“Don’t worry hun, i’ve got a whole 5 days to show you” I whispered into his ear…

[bibliophilewednesday]

BEST OF FRIEEENDSSS BEST OF FRIEEENDS 🎶

Smiley Boys™ 😌

[navegandoaciegas]

Maneater Writing Challenge

(gif not mine, found of Pinterest)

Hello everyone! I hope you’re doing great!!

In honor of the upcoming Hot Girls Summer, and of me hitting 2.6k followers here on Tumblr, I wanted to host a smut writing challenge with the topic of “Maneaters”, aka fem doms.

FemDom is a large term that includes many different kind of dominant women. It originates in the BDSM community and it indicates activities and relationships where the female partner is in charge. There’s different type of femdoms, for example the gentle kind that combines sexual dominance with nurturing elements (example: mommy kink), or the more widely known dominatrix kind that enjoys dominating in a cruel, strict way.

Fem!Dom readers x Sub!Male character is a pretty rare trope in the Marvel fandom, but I hope that by hosting this challenge I will inspire more people to write this type of content.

Let’s go over the boring rules before we can get to the fun stuff:

You can write for any characters played by Sebastian Stan (ex. Bucky Barnes, Lee Bodecker...) or Chris Evans (Steve Rogers, Andy Barber). Any other Marvel character, like Sam Wilson, is also fine.

The story must be a reader insert (character x reader). So no OC’s and no character x character. Poly and multiple characters x reader is fine to me.

The closing date is September 9th, my birthday! No pressure if you can’t get it done by then.

You must be 18+ to participate.

No word limit, but please use ‘read more’ if your story is longer than 250 characters.

Due to the nature of the challenge, all stories must include smut. You can make it nsfw of any kind, as any genre is welcome: fluff, angst, dark (dub-con, non-con), hurt/comfort.

Any AU, trope and kink is welcome except: scat, snuff, gore, underage, bestiality.

Send me an ask or a dm with the prompts you’ve chosen. Choose at least one. You can pick as many as you want from all categories. No limits of # people per prompt.

I’m going to reblog and comment each story I get, and I will eventually create a masterlist with all the submissions I get.

If you have any doubts, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

I picked over 50 prompts in total, so I hope you’ll find at least one that will inspire your creativity.

The prompts are listed below the cut.

Lyrics (You can use the whole song or the lyrics I selected as inspo):

Maneater by Nelly Furtado: I wanna see you all on your knees, knees, you either wanna be with me or be me. Maneater, make you work hard, make you spend hard, make you want all of her love.

Bubblegum Bitch by Marina and the Diamonds: Candy bear, sweetie pie, wanna be adored, I'm the girl you'd die for. I'll chew you up and I'll spit you out, 'cause that's what young love is all about. So pull me closer and kiss me hard, I'm gonna pop your bubblegum heart.

How to be a Heartbreaker by Marina and the Diamonds: Rule number one, is that you gotta have fun, but baby when you're done, you gotta be the first to run. Rule number two, just don't get attached to somebody you could lose.

CryBaby by Megan Thee Stallion: Uh, his friends and his dad hate me (yeah), I broke his lil' heart, he a crybaby

Heart of Glass by Blondie: Once I had a love and it was divine, soon found out I was losing my mind. It seemed like the real thing but I was so blind. Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind.

Daisy by Ashnikko: Make your man call me daddy, he talk too much, he's too chatty.

Get on your knees by Nicki Minaj: You gotta beg for it, beg for it, I wanna see you lookin' up. Baby I'ma need you to beg, beg beg for it. Get on your knees, get on your knees, get on your knees.

Poker Face by Lady Gaga: Russian roulette is not the same without a gun. And baby, when it's love, if it's not rough, it isn't fun.

Prompts

Mommy kink

Dacryphila

Gagged and Bound

Anal Plugs

Chastity belts

Humiliation

Degradation

Omorashi

Body Worship

Loss of Virginity (Virgin Character)

Innocence Kink

Corruption Kink

Men wearing panties and stockings

Faceriding

Cuckolding

Revenge/Makeup sex

House Husband kink

Mistress kink

Pegging

Lactation/Breastfeeding kink

Breeding kink

“How quick can you make me cum?”

“I’m not touching you unless you beg me to.”

“Bad boys don’t get to cum.”

“Take it.”

“Please, mommy.”

“You look so pretty on your knees.”

“I like men better when they shut the fuck up.”

“Did that hurt? (...) Good, because it was meant to.”

“Keep making those noises for me, baby.”

“You’re not coming unless I say so.”

“You’re in so much trouble, baby boy.”

“Should've thought about it before you decided to piss me off.”

“Jealousy looks great on you.”

“I’ll be so good to you.”

“I’m yours, all yours.”

“Please, gimme more.”

“So fucking tight.”

“You’re such a pathetic little slut.”

“Look at you, drooling all over yourself.”

Situations (You don’t have to use these, but I thought I could give you some extra inspiration):

Jealous reader shows character who he belongs to;

Reader pegs the ‘_’ (insert whatever annoying behavior you want) out of the character;

Reader cucks disobedient character;

Character surprises the reader with a maid costume;

Reader makes character wear a sex toy (anal plug, vibrating panties, chastity belt) in a public setting;

Seemingly innocent and sweet reader surprises character with a kinky side;

Seemingly kinky and experienced character reveals a soft, innocent interior;

Reader gets revenge on her cheating partner;

Reader verbally humiliates the character;

Character accidentally call the reader “mommy” in the middle of sex;

Yandere!Reader is obsessed with character;

Yandere!Reader thinks that the character is cheating on her with another woman.

Tagging some writers who may be interested. Please don’t feel pressured to join.

@buckycuddlebuddy @msmarvelwrites @sweeterthanthis @whateveriwant @imanuglywombat @nsfwsebbie @jtargaryen18 @jobean12-blog @world-of-aus @river-soul @buckyownsmylife @burnthematches @sherrybaby14 @sinner-as-saint @kleohoneyao3 @literate-lamb @candy-and-writing @cap-n-stuff @docharleythegeekqueen @darkficsyouneveraskedfor @honeyloverogers @honeygingergemini @fafulous @foxgloveprincess @giorno-plays-piano @gotnofucks @gogolucky13 @cherienymphe @mcudarklibrary @emilykjh @overr-written @teamcap4bucky @threeminutesoflife @iraot @sebbysbaby @propertyofpoeandbucky @hailmary-yramliah @cryptidcasanova @asadmarveltrashbag @angrythingstarlight

[cosmicmemory]

Hi! Loved your last post, was wondering if you could do one with the face claim as charli howard and reader is dating Sebastian stan.

hi darling, thank you for your kind words! you didn’t give a scenario to go off of, so i just went for something light & fun! here ya go!

requests are open!

liked by imsebastianstan and 2,959,103 others

yourinstagram The Birth of Venus. Painting by Sandro Botticelli. (But in real life)

View all 76,295 comments

anthonymackie there’s so many mirrors in that room

sebissupercool god seb is so fucking lucky

chrisevans 🤍

tomholland2013 zendaya might leave me for you if you keep this up 😃

y/nfanpageofficial don’t ask me the color of anything 😭

bensplatt THATS my best friend!!

finelovery/n fuck.

harrystyles ethereal

sebandy/n i wanna be her tbh

theweeknd killin’ it

imsebastianstan Gorgeous

liked by chrisevans and 78,698 others

imsebastianstan

View all 8,357 comments

yourinstagram babe, you’re killing me. your so hot. omg.

anthonymackie WOAH LOOKIN GOOD

zendaya ur gf is.. mine.

winters0ilder HOTTT

chrisevans Alexa, play “that should be me” by jb

bvckybarnes literally the hottest man alive

sebsmiles Jesus Christ

y/nlovesme i want what seb & y/n have 😩

preciousy/n damnnn okay mr. stan! get it!

[calpalirwin]

Numbers

Summary: Sebastian doesn’t want to be another number to you, but little does he know he’s the only one.

A/N: Everyone say thank you to @jessalyn-jpeg​ for always being willing to cry over this man with me. 

Important distinction: Italics represent his thoughts, while bold italics represent hers

Word Count: 3.2k

And away, and away we go!

__

The sun was high and warm, and the sounds of wood cracking against leather grew louder as Y/N walked towards the baseball fields. “Yo, Number 1, lookin’ good!” she whistled, her fingers wrapping themselves in the chain link fence surrounding the field.

There was a loud laugh from the man playing shortstop, and he turned to either flip her off or stick out his tongue, but a baseball came flying in his direction, high and powerful. But not high enough. Almost lazily, Sebastian lifted his heels off the dirt, raising his left hand in the air, the ball coming to a stop in his glove.

“Right field, get ready!” Anthony, the pitcher shouted. “Stan’s lucky charm showed up!”

“I don’t need luck, Mackie,” Sebastian taunted, pulling at the sleeves of his jersey. “I’m Number 1 for a reason. Best shortstop in the state, right here, baby!”

“Mackie! Stan!” the coach barked in warning.

“Sorry!” both men laughed. And with his brief pause, Sebastian took off his hat, waving it at Y/N in greeting as she took a seat in the stands, before putting it back over his sweaty locks of brown hair.

As the practice continued, more girls made their way out to watch the team, and Y/N couldn’t blame them. Something about a guy’s ass in baseball pants, especially when that ass belonged to Sebastian Stan. And the college baseball team didn’t have any complaints about the attention they gathered, plays becoming more dramatic than they needed to be as a chance to show off, until the coaches finally called it quits.

“So,” Anthony asked Sebastian as they headed for the dugout. “Is today the day you ask out Y/N finally? Or should I try to shoot my shot? Like what's going on here, man? Cuz whatever it is between you, it’s gone on way too long, and I only got so much patience.”

Sebastian wasn’t sure how his face could grow warmer after being in the sun practicing for two hours, but it did. “I- We’re friends, ya know? And it’s not that I don’t wanna ask her out. It’s that I don’t know how. Or how she’ll react. It’s… a whole thing, ya get me?”

“Dude…” Anthony shook his head. “I say this because I care. But if you’re gonna make a move, make it fast. No one wants to be the one to cross you when we all know you got a thing for her. But if you’re not gonna shoot your shot…”

“Thanks…” Sebastian said, not sure if he appreciated the obvious advice or not. He knew he needed to ask Y/N sooner rather than later. But the idea that his teammates were lying in wait for him to either make a move, or step aside stirred up feelings of jealousy. But the only way of making sure they didn’t date her… He slung his bag over his shoulder, before squaring them and strutting out of the dugout, headed straight for Y/N. “Now or never, Stan,” he whispered to himself.

“Seb!” a girl called out and he turned to the sound, putting a smile on his face.

“Hey.” He offered a small wave, his eyes spotting Y/N, and kept walking, but then more girls were calling his name, batting their eyelashes, and touching his arm as they asked questions, and somehow Y/N got lost in the shuffle.

Y/N watched from her spot, the smile on her face dropping as she watched Sebastian get swarmed by girls who only wanted his attention so they could later brag to their friends that they’d gotten to talk to the star of the baseball team. And Sebastian wasn’t the type to be rude, even when he should.

Sighing, she shouldered her bag, heading down the bleachers, figuring she’d she go rescue him from his oh-so terrible prison of adoring girls.

“Hey, Y/N,” a shy voice called out as her feet hit concrete.

She lifted her gaze to find one of the newer players smiling at her. “Oh, hey, Tom,” she smiled back at him. “Good practice out there.”

“Heh, thanks,” he mumbled, his cleat digging into the ground. “So… you waiting for Seb?”

“I was yeah,” she admitted, looking over at Sebastian who was still under siege. And then a swell of anger bubbled inside her. If he couldn’t be bothered to pull himself away from them for her, then she didn’t have to wait for him. “But I’ll just catch him later. So, what’s up?”

Tom blinked in surprise. “Uh… I… Not much really. Was gonna head back to my dorm. Ya know, normal stuff I guess.”

“Well c’mon, I’m headed that way myself, I’ll walk with ya.”

Tom brightened as someone whistled from behind. “Damn! Kid’s got moves!” Anthony’s voice called out loudly. He jogged a few steps to join the couple, “Yo, Y/N, what about Seb?”

Y/N looked over her shoulder at Sebastian who still wasn’t even looking her way. “What about him?”

~~~

She mumbled airplane sounds under her breath, twisting her wrist to make the paper airplane fly around, before she really sent it flying across the living room. She watched as it glided through the air before nose-diving into the carpet as the front door opened.

“Apology food?” Sebastian asked with a hopeful smile, holding up a bag of takeout as he kicked the door shut.

“And what’s the apology for?” she asked, rising to her feet and crossing her arms.

“For being a dick after practice.”

“Chinese?”

“Your favorite,” he said, handing her the bag.

“Fine. Your transgressions against the crown are forgiven. This time.”

He tilted his head back as he laughed. “Thank you, your Highness. Although a little birdie told me that you ended up alright. Holland, huh?”

“Mackie is worse than girls with gossip, I swear…” Y/N said with an eye roll. “But yeah, Holland and I talked.”

“You know he’s a freshman, right?”

“Aw, is somebody jealous?” She flashed him a sardonic smile as they both plopped down on the couch and dug into the food.

Sebastian let out a scoff. “Me? Jealous of Holland? Pfft, yeah right.” Yes, insanely jealous, actually.

“Oh, so if I said he walked me all the way to the apartment, that wouldn’t make you mad?”

“You’re not my girlfriend, Y/N,” he said around a swallow of food. Despite how much I wish you were.  “If you wanna make baby Holland feel like a man for escorting you home, I really don’t give a shit. But you can do better than a freshman.” Like me.

Like you? “And you’d smell better with a shower,” was her retort as she knocked her shoulder into his.

“Mmm, you gonna join me?”

“Pfft! In your dreams, maybe.” And in mine.

Only in my dreams cuz once again, I fucked up.

~~~

Y/N figured one date would be enough to stir Sebastian into action. But one, the man had already made himself scarce by the time she left for her date. And two, the date sucked.

You’re not Sebastian was all she could think about throughout the dinner of cheesy one-liners, and bad jokes that bordered on offensive.

“So…” he asked suggestively as they walked out. “Wanna head back to my place?”

“No, I’m kinda tired,” she declined politely.

“Oh… well then I’ll call you sometime and we can do this again, maybe?”

“Yeah… no,” she said, shaking her head. “This was… nice. But no. You and I? Not gonna happen.”

“Right… I forgot you’re friends with Stan.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Oh, c’mon. Dude obviously likes you. And he’s not the one anyone wants to have on their bad side.”

“Then why did you ask me out? If all of you are so scared of Seb?”

“Cuz you’re hot, and I’m not on the baseball team,” he shrugged.

“Yeah… I’m gonna go home now. And you… ugh… yeah, no. Not gonna happen.”

~~~

Sebastian turned his head as the door opened. “Back before curfew, huh? Whatta gentleman.”

“Fuck you,” she told him with a roll of her eyes before stalking off towards her bedroom.

“Whoa, whoa, wait,” he said, bolting up off the couch. “C’mon, what happened?”

He wasn’t you. “He’s a pig. Said all the wrong things.”

“That sucks. But hey, can’t all be winners, right?”

“I guess… Although he did say one thing that was somewhat interesting.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Apparently you scare people off from asking me out.”

He snorted. “That’s fuckin’ stupid. Will I be pissed if some jackoff makes you feel like shit? Yeah, and I’ll probably say something. But shit… I’m not your boyfriend, or your dad, or some shit. Sounds like a lame cop-out because they just don’t wanna admit they’re pussies.”

And what’s your lame cop-out? “Ugh… I need a drink.”

“Grab me one, yeah?” he asked, sinking back down into the couch as she changed directions to head into the kitchen instead.

“So, how was your night?” she asked, grabbing two beers from the fridge.

“Uneventful,” he shrugged. “There was a girl I was hoping to go out with, but it didn’t work.”

“Aw damn. That sucks,” she said, as she joined him on the couch and handed him one of the beers. 

“Eh, it was my fault for not asking sooner,” he shrugged again, clinking his beer against hers. “To shitty nights.”

“Here, here,” Y/N cheered half-heartedly as they both took a long drink. “Fuck it. Paper airplane contest?”

He snorted into his beer. “We’re not seven anymore.”

“Aw, afraid you’ll lose?”

He sat up straighter. “Loser buys next case of beer?”

“You better get your wallet out, now.”

~~~

Sebastian knew he should have taken his chance after that first date gone bad. And Y/N knew she should have pushed him harder in her confrontation. But for whatever reason, the friends stayed at their stubborn stalemate.

Without Sebastian willing to make a move, Y/N began to wonder if maybe everyone had it all wrong. Maybe Sebastian was simply protective of her without having an ulterior motive behind it. So, she continued to go on dates with other guys on campus to ease the ache, until she couldn’t pretend they weren’t Sebastian anymore.

For his part, Sebastian not only took careful notes of the reasons Y/N gave for each of her short-lived romances, he also stupidly pointed her in the direction of new interests. And then he tried not to drown in his jealousy, before learning to grow doubtful of wanting a romantic relationship with her at all. Why would he want to sacrifice a lifelong friendship just to become another nameless guy she tossed to the side once she had her fun with him?

~~~

“Sebastian!” she gasped at him when he came home one night as she nursed away the end of yet another short-lived romance that wasn’t him.

“You’re drunk,” was the observation as he dropped his duffle bag to the floor.

“Ooooohhhh yeah,” she giggled at him with a wide grin, eyes hazy. “You gonna join me?”

“So we can both be sick? Yeah… Not a chance.”

“Boo…” she pouted. “You never wanna do anything with me.”

“One night. One night I don’t wanna drink with you, and that equates to me not wanting to do anything with you ever? Make it make sense, Y/N.”

“Well, you don’t wanna date me, that’s for sure,” was the drunk scoff.

He balked. “When did I ever say that?”

“Well it’s true, isn’t it? Everyone keeps saying that you like me, but you don’t do anything about it. Are they all lying? Or are you?”

He shook his head. “I’m not doing this. I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“Why not?!”

“Because you’re drunk off your ass!”

“Just answer the question!”

“I don’t know!”

“What type of bullshit answer is that?! How do you not know if you wanna date someone?!”

“It’s the answer you give when you used to think you wanted to, but now you’re not sure anymore! Now… I gave you my answer. And I already told you once I’m not having this conversation. Not when you’re drunk. I’m going to bed. G’night Y/N.”

“COWARD!” she hurled the insult at his retreating back.

In his room, Sebastian didn’t sleep. He lay in bed watching his ceiling fan spin in slow hypnotic circles, cursing himself for letting it get this bad. If he had just asked her out after that one practice… If he could just rewind the clock…

In the living room, Y/N sobbed into her hands. The distractions never worked, even the promising ones. And Sebastian… If it turned out he didn’t want her…

Thoughts spiraled and time ticked by, Y/N growing more sober, and Sebastian more angry with himself.

“Seb?” she asked in a small whisper, knocking lightly on his door as she pushed it open, finding him still awake in bed, the little lamp on his nightstand illuminating the room.

“What do you want, Y/N?” he asked, more harshly than he meant to, as he pushed himself to sit up against his headboard.

“I- Nevermind… It’s stupid…”

“No, wait,” he called out to her as she turned to leave. “I didn’t mean it like that. I- What’s up? What did you wanna ask?”

She took a slow breath to steady herself as she turned back around to face him. “Do you like me? God, that sounds so juvenile…”

“Of course I like you, Y/N. You’re my best friend.”

“But you don’t like me enough to date me. Just enough to be protective about me dating anyone else.”

He sighed. Now, or never. “It’s not that I don’t wanna date you, Y/N. It’s that I’m scared to.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“To you, maybe. But to me, it’s perfectly valid.”

“How? How is that a valid reason? Sebastian Stan, scared of dating a girl? A girl who he’s known his whole life? Make it make sense.”

“You think I wanna be one of the guys you date? Maybe if you actually dated people, I wouldn’t have ever thought twice about dating you myself. But you don’t date, Y/N. You… God, I dunno what it is you do, but it’s not dating.”

“Fuck you,” she spat, feeling tears well up. “Fuck you! You don’t get to slut-shame me!”

“Slut-shame you?! How is it slut-shaming that I don’t wanna be another number to you?! That I don’t wanna be another source of entertainment for you until you get bored of me?!”

“Because you’re not a number, Sebastian!”

“Bullshit I’m not! You literally call me Number 1! You don’t love Y/N! You… you entertain yourself until someone better comes along!”

“That’s not true…” she whispered, heartbroken that he thought it was.

“It was for all the other guys! I don’t wanna be like them, Y/N! I don’t wanna be some random number to you! I wanna be the one! I don’t know how much clearer I can make that.”

“You know I only dated them to make you jealous, right?”

“Well congrats… you win. I’m insanely jealous of every guy that you parade through that goddamn door.” His mouth twisted and his vision started to swim.

“I didn’t wanna win, Seb. I wanted you.”

He hissed through his teeth. “Past tense… that, uh… Yeah, that hurts. Thanks for that… For this…” he twirled his finger about the room. “Awesome conversation. Glad we could have this talk.”

“You wanna know why it never worked with those guys?!” she yelled at him, her hands flying up in the air. “They weren’t you! God, I tried so hard to make it work with those guys! Any of them! But none of them made me feel the way you do. None of them get me the way you do. And… God! I wish they did! I wish at least one of them did, because then I could finally stop wasting my time on you when it’s obvious you don’t feel the same way about me!”

“I don’t feel the same?!” He grabbed a small notebook, hurling it at her. “If I never felt the same, explain that!” He pulled down the collar of his shirt, pointing at a small tattoo of a paper airplane on his chest “If I never felt the same, explain this!”

“Y-you got a tattoo? When?”

The sudden drop of her voice level took him a moment to realize what she’d asked. “When you started dating the guy with tattoos…” he told her.

“And this?” she asked, bending down to pick up the small notebook he’d thrown at her, thumbing through it. “Blue eyes, tattoos. Text back on time. Don’t say stupid shit,” she read aloud. “A-are these notes on how to date me?”

He shrugged. “I like to think they’re observations.”

“W-why would you need notes on how to date me?”

“To make sure you don’t get bored of me. To make sure you don’t forget me.”

“Seb-”

He shook his head fiercely, feeling his throat close up. “Don’t. Just don’t, okay? I know this is all my fault. I know if I had just stopped being a little bitch, and said something sooner like I wanted to, none of this would be happening right now. But I- Fuck… It’s always been me and you, and I dunno what I’d do if that stopped happening. You’re my best friend. And I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. And… I can’t risk losing you. I won’t lose you. Even if that means spending the rest of my life jealous of the guys you date.”

“And you never bothered to think that I had the same fears? That I’m just as in love with your stupid ass?”

“Why would you be? I’m just the idiot best friend.”

“Haven’t you been listening? I- God, did you really get a tattoo?” she asked. “What even is it?”

“It’s a paper airplane,” he mumbled, face turning red.

“Can I see it again?” she asked somewhat shyly.

He shrugged, taking off his shirt and tossing it to the side. “Happy now?”

“Oh, Seb,” she giggled, crossing the room to him. “You didn’t have to take your shirt off. You could have just tugged down your collar again.”

“Are you complaining?” he teased lightly, pulling her into his lap.

“God, no,” she said with another giggle. “Oh, Seb,” she sighed, her fingers tracing the ink on his skin. “God, we’re so fuckin’ stupid, aren’t we?”

“Oh, I’m definitely stupid,” he admitted. “Said and done so much stupid shit I shouldn’t have said or done.” His nose nudged against hers, his lips brushing against her cheek when he said, “God, I’m so sorry. I shoulda manned up sooner. And I shouldn’t have said those things about the guys you dated. I just- I fucked up. I let my insecurities get in the way, and I fucked up.”

“I fucked up too, Seb,” she whispered, carding her hands through his hair. “I was trying to fill a you-sized hole when I had you in front of me the whole time.”

“So you still want me? Even after I was the idiot coward that kept fucking up?” The blue eyes were big and watery with small traces of fear as they held her gaze steady, foreheads knocked together.

“Of course I still want you. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted, Seb.”

__

Tag List

@cxddlyash​ @stanofalotofthings​ @philthepegacorn​ @youngblood199456​ @binxiboo​ @creator-appreciator​ @felixtok​ @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof​ @jessalyn-jpeg​ @lilyoflower​ @mychemicalimagines​ @rougese7en​ @milea​ @partiesandblurrypolaroids​ @summerdaughter​

[youranxiousnerd]

Most Likely To Thoughts

because i am an angry theater kid

spoilers below

First of holy shit. That was one of the best episodes of the season. My second favorite (episode 5 has a special place in my heart okay?)

big red is awesome

i missed ABF this episode hes awesome

miss jenn you literally did the exact same thing 

“would you like to be the first” “im good”

ashlyn youre a cutie

oh my god guys they’re actually rehearsing

FRICKING GO BIG RED

EJ YOU KILLED IT

Gaston was ICONIC. 

the callback to 1x08

“monkies”

im sorry you guys haven’t blocked the 2nd act?!?!?!?! its MARCH the show was cast in January you’ve had TWO months i have been in shows blocked in less time

*angry theater kid screeching*

“It’s an expression, Sebastian”

Seb is going to snap one day. This is like the fourth time this has happened this season. 

Like he lowkey looked pretty sad and angry after that comment. Maybe the episode 10 Seblos fight isn’t going to be so private.

ANYWAYS back to the episode (i will gladly talk about seblos all day)

KOURT AND NINI KOURT AND NINI

they lookin good

kourt and nini have started a “relationships are hard” club and the members include big red, gina, and seb. ricky and ej pop in from time to time

kourtney that is a great lie well done

communication saves lives and obviously ricky and nini never got the memo

ricky no

did you learn nothing from nini and ej?

i do like how he immediately regretted it. like he knows he effed up

oooo ej, gina, carlos, and seb thats intersting

do not try to tell me carlos and seb dont hold hands in class bc they do

#giveusmoreoftheseforupleaseineedagroupchat

AIHFDAKFHGAL GINAS SNORT I LOVE IT

ej honey i think you like her

ngl i might have jumped on the portwell train

GINA LEFT BAHAHA

cash caswell

i hate him already

ej just sinking in his chair

carlos’ somewhat impressed face i cant

cash you son of a gun why

cash this is career day not show off your son day

ej noooo

“seize the day” theatre kids share a knowing glance

im shocked carlos didnt stand up and do the choreo 

miss jenn has a new man every episode omfg

mazzara is my fav

STOP

HOLD THE PHONE

THEY ARE DOING TECH WORK

I REPEAT, TECH WORK

IM A TECHIE IM FREAKING OUT OMFG

those are the nicest high school aprons like where are the ratty tshirts?!?!

how is sebs so messy

bitter seb

i smell tension

ope seb is mad

he is going to snap one day i swear

you can tell carlos regretted it or just doesnt understand what happened

im glad the seblos fight is building instead of something out of the blue

seb has been kinda pushed around this season im happy he is finally saying something

and no more seblos the rest of the episode rip

carlos go after your boyfriend come on

you know what would have been fun? they have their bantar while cleaning brushes and rollers in a clogged sink

ricky have you ever asked how big red is doing?

ASHLYN WITH A DRILL

OMFG GUYS I LOVE DRILLS YESSSSSS

why is there no drill piece in the drill what is she doing? is she bolting stuff or predrilling?

ash trying to be supportive

i love ashlyn guys

omfg two parents this episode what is this?

kourt’s mom being on her side love to see it

“i live to serve”

“i cleaned your desk a little” yep she’ll take you back after that

the shade kourtney is throwing im living for it

ricky just disappears and reappears

oof-okay richard

the pizza place fight. they were both in the wrong, im glad kourt shut them down

REDLYN NOOOO

i love them

ash is trying so hard and red is trying to get her to understand

mazzara you sneaky

i thought it was a date lol

miss jenn take the hint

PORTWELL HOME SCENE

that was really sweet, like go ej and gina, they have one of the healthiest relationships on the show because they learned what not to do.

thats a nice treehouse

lesbians build nice things

i should know

bc im one- ill stop

the treehouse scene-holy shiz. its amazing. props to josh and olivia, i was on the verge of tears. best rini scene of the season, hands down. it was beautiful

nini is sobbing i cant

ricky you can cry its okay

im so happy the breakup happened, major rini shipper in season 1 but they have fallen flat this season. it was handled so well and just gahhh

nini sobbing by herself 

NINA IM CRYING NOW STOPPP

roman sounds so good holy. 

like so good

this does damper my theory on ricky leaving halfway through the show and seb taking over as beast and singing this

MONTAGE TIME

“you’re gorgeous”

mazzara fell hard

“To Miss Jenn” why am i laughing

GABFILFBIWE PORTWELL

OH MY GOD GINA IS ASLEEP 

EJ AND THE HOODIE

GUYS I CANT ANYMORE IM LOSING IT

THE LITTLE SMILE WHEN EJ TURNS THE LIGHTS OFF

REDLYN IS BACK IM SO GLAD

you guys are adorable

howie fell hard

omfg ej

ej noo we love you pls be okay

redlyn you cuties

RICKY NO

IM SOBBING NOW

OMFG LOOK AT HIM

HE HELD IT TOGETHER FOR NINI 

GUYS IM CRYING I CANT

AHHHHHH

we stan big red in this house

ricky and the pillow no

glad ashlyn sticked around

i am dead. ricky thank you thats it.

like that broke me

i should not be crying over this i have already cried to much this season 

you know what would have made this scene better? seb just sitting on his bed then carlos texts him and he pushes his phone aside. something to show them drifting bc its happening and i need content

like where were they the second half?

ITS OVER

WTF

LIKE WHAT THE ACTUALLY HECK YOU CANNOT END IT THERE

WHAT IS HAPPENING 

As you can probably tell, I lost my mind this episode. I have no words, nothing at all. All I have is my tears. The past two episodes have been the best of the season. Episode 8 was another level.

[friendly-neighborhood-peter]

SEBASTIAN STAN. MAN YOU’RE LOOKIN GOOD. YOU EVER SEE A GUY THIS HANDSOME WALKING THE STREETS? HES GONNA GET ARRESTED BECAUSE HES KILL*N ALL THE LADIES. LOOK AT THAT! POW POW! POW POW POW!

[lokishome]

Sebastian Stan man you lookin good. 😏

[falcqns]

my little flower

pairing: dad!bucky barnes x mom!reader

summary: bucky’s daughter turns one.

warnings: angst, and fluff. probably canon errors but i don’t have the comics on hand sorryyyyy

a/n: just me expressing emotion through mr boobky boobernoobs. also the little letter the reader has written is what i have written for my daughters birthday. LASTLY i know i have a story for Henry Cavill and his daughters name is lavender and i was gonna change it but then it wouldn’t make sense so i just kept it yk. anyways, hope you enjoy.

Bucky glanced at the clock for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

he was alternating between looking at the clock, his phone, and his sleeping daughter.

she turned one tomorrow, and he had no clue what to write. there were so many things he wanted to say, but he knew he had limited space on instagram captions to do so.

he wasn’t into instagram too much, but some how Sam and Wanda had convinced him to post for his daughters birthday. he had a few other pictures of you and her, and one or two of him on there already.

posting those seemed so easy for him. he took the picture, thought of a caption pre war Bucky would use, and hit post.

but when it came to his daughters birthday? the 106 year old was clueless.

he had asked you for advice, and you had just told him to remember what it felt the first time he held her, which was not helpful, because the first thing he felt was fear.

then, an overwhelming and crushing sense of love. like everything made sense. everything was clearer, because of the tiny little baby in his arms. he was terrified. more scared than he was when he was hanging on to that train for dear life, hoping he could just reach Steve’s hand. more scared than when he knew his memories of Steve and Rebecca and everyone in his past was fading due to Zola and Hydra.

a million times more scared than when he watched himself dust away in that beautiful Wakandan forest.

he was scared, but at the same time, he felt so safe. it was the same kind of safe he felt with you, but more intense. he knew that the little girl he was holding would never judge him for his past. all she would do is love him, love her Tătic.

Tătic. he had heard a Romanian child say it when he was seeking refuge in Bucharest, and he knew that’s what he wanted to be called. not dad, daddy, dada, papa, or any other versions of father. he wanted Tătic.

he felt safe, at home even, in Bucharest. yes, his apartment was rather shitty, but it was his. he had something materialistic and tangible that was fully his, after not having anything, not even his own body, to himself for over 50 years.

Bucky refocused his eyes on his phone, and decided to glance at what you had posted. he sighed as he realized that it was absolutely beautiful, and that nothing he could do would top it.

it was a video of all the firsts that Bucky had insisted on recording. he remembered sitting in his bed, in Bucharest, a few weeks after getting there. he had been thinking about Rebecca, and suddenly, a memory of her first steps came to him. he saw her little chubby body wobble before she took her first steps into their mother’s waiting arms. Bucky knew he couldn’t have been too old, but immediately started sobbing when he realized he’d never get to relive that moment. he didn’t stop sobbing for a good few hours. out of happiness, sadness, regret, he didn’t know. he had scrambled to grab a journal and wrote down every detail of that moment, before stuffing it in his go bag.

reliving it wasn’t something he’d ever thought about before, in 1945. there weren’t affordable video cameras, and there was no way to store them forever. so when Lavender came along, he insisted that every little first be recorded so he could relive it over and over again.

he watched as she took her first breath, rolled for the first time, crawled for the first time, said her first word (it was ‘plum’) and walked for the first time.

his eyes drifted down to the paragraph, and focused on reading the words.

‘lavender.

your name represents purity, silence, devotion, calmness, serenity, and grace. i gave you this name because i know you will represent all of those things. i named you after Lavender Brown from Harry Potter. Lavender was a beautiful, strong, and amazing character. she showered Ron with love, and adoration, which is all i have felt this past year of being your mama. you remind me of Lavender in so many ways. from the smiles i get to see in the morning, to the cuddles i get at night, to the way you, just this week, saw another child crying in daycare and went and offered your toy up without a second thought. you then hobbled away, and found a new toy. you never came to me to show you what you did, you never took another child’s toy now that yours was gone, you just did it. that is something Lavender did. Lavender gave everything to Ron without a second thought. she may not have been appreciated, but i will appreciate you and all of the little things that you do to help others, even at just a year old. you bring light and love to whoever is near you. you love with your whole being, which i adore. you’re only one, but you put your hands in the air and sing (babble, really) along to every single praise song, you dance, you sit quietly during prayer, and most importantly you love God with everything in your tiny little body. from the moment the nurses laid your even tinier body on my chest, it was just you, me, and your father. i had dreamed of that moment for years, but nothing compared to it. one year ago today, you were placed on my chest, a screaming red little bundle, and you instantly calmed down. i remember looking down at you and being so happy that i finally had my little girl. i remember thinking “God really sent me an angel in the form of a baby,” which is EXACTLY what he did. you are my sweet baby girl, and always will be. i will love and. adore you for the rest of my life. my sweetie pie, my Laffy Taffy, my love. my little flower, Lavender. happy birthday.’

how could he follow that?

he took another glance at the crib that sat at the end of the bed, and watched as his daughter sighed, and pushed her diapered butt up in the air before continuing to snooze.

he looked down at his phone, and decided to just follow his heart. let the words flow. it didn’t matter if it made sense, but he wanted the world to know just how much he loved her.

he took a deep breath, and began to type.

‘lavender rebecca barnes.

there are so many words that i could use to describe how wonderful, sweet, kind, adorable, and gracious you are, but even all of those could never fully express how much i love you, and how much you mean to me.

when your mom told me about you, i was terrified. i have done so many bad things in my life, why was God rewarding me with a tiny little human? i spent so many nights praying to God that i would never hurt you. that you would never see me as the world does. that you would never judge me for the things that i did.

but i didn’t have to worry. the second i saw your little face, all of those stresses and anxieties melted away. as i held you, i realized that you were mine. fully mine. having something of my own is something that i was deprived of for many years, and one day you will learn about that.

when i held you for the first time, i was petrified. you were tiny. the smallest, but most real thing i had ever held. you didn’t cry, you just gazed up at me. almost as if you knew i was your Tătic. that you knew i was your father.

your mother tells me that when babies are born, they don’t understand the grasp of ‘mother and father’, they more recognize who is a safe caregiver and who isn’t.

you, without a hesitation, recognized me as a safe caregiver, and have stood by that every one of these last 365 you have graced me, your mother, and everyone around you with your presence.

it has been a pleasure to watch you grow, and as much as it makes me sad knowing that one day you’ll know the truth about me, i know you won’t judge me. i know you will love me for me. the man who created you, who helped give you life.

you are such a special little girl, and i can only hope to show you just how special you are for the rest of my life.

i love you, lavender rebecca barnes.’

his thumb shook as it hovered over the post button, but he pressed it anyways. the screen brought up a loading symbol for less than a second, and then the post was there.

he shut off his phone, and placed it on the charger next to him, before getting up and walking to the crib.

he lifted her out, and laid her on his chest, before walking back to the bed and sitting down carefully. he gazed down at his daughter, a fact that still blew his mind, as she slept so soundly, even with the coolness of the metal arm probably seeping through the fabric of her white kitty cat onesie.

he glanced over at the clock, and didn’t stop the tear that rolled down his face when it hit 12:00.

“happy birthday, my little flower.”