#season 4 dropped on netflix a couple weeks ago | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mrsaguapapi · 2 years ago

Text

Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch 5 Ch 6 Ch 7 Ch 8 Ch 9 Ch 10

Chapter 11

Every Stitch

The Vibe:

Donovan - Season of the Witch (Official Audio)

What time is it?

I check my phone and it's 7:55 pm "Fuck" I curse at myself. I decided a couple of hours ago to give up on trying to read my mother's books until I met up with Steven later. Instead, I took some time to relax and watched some Netflix... I may have eaten 2 slices of week-old pizza too

I grab an oversized Vegeta t-shirt and half-tuck it into a pair of jeans. Quickly I scan myself in the mirror putting my braids half up in a bun and wiping away any pizza crust from my face. I slide on a pair of sneakers, grab my sling ring and open a portal to their place. I take the two books in one hand, a bottle of wine in the other, and step through closing the portal behind me.

Steven was in his little kitchen cooking something on the stove, wearing an apron and a pair of dark jeans. That was it no shirt, no shoes; it was quite the sight. His dark curly hair fell nicely on the side of his face, sometimes I forget how fine they are.

I drop the books on his bed and walk up to him, "What's for dinner love?" I ask

"Matzah Ball soup" he smiles," Here, set the table you're just in time." I do as he says and grab a couple of plates and utensils. After setting the table I have a seat while Steven serves our plates and takes the seat next to me. "Eat up," he says

I take a bite and almost cry, "Steven this is amazing."

"Thank you" he blushes," It's not as good as I remember; we used to make this with our Mother and brother. Brings good memories." he smiles, "Alright fill me in, the old fashion way. Your Memory Transference gives us a headache, besides I like hearing your voice."

I can't help but smile, he's incredibly sweet. For the next 20 min, I fill him in on what I can, leaving out all the parts involving Namor and the Talokans. I won't go into too much detail as I'm still processing but I give him all the important bits.

"Are you okay? You seem out of it." Steven placed his hand on mine

I sigh, "I will be you know? Got a lot to process. I left out a few details of the trauma." I laugh "Um I also kind of met someone. It's REALLY complicated and new, nothing's labeled officially I think? I don't know." I laugh nervously, "He's honestly quite sweet, I'd tell you more but I would be breaking a pretty important promise."

"That was extremely vague" He laughs, "But I'm happy for you"

"So tell me about Layla?" I ask

"Not much to tell. Marc called her and asked if she wanted to get dinner with us and talk. She agreed, so hopefully, all goes well. We're nervous"

"Don't be, you'll be fine. Bring her flowers it'll help break the tension."

"I don't know, I don't think she like flowers" he begins

"Let me stop you there young Padawan. Women love flowers. We don't say anything because we don't want to have to ask for them. That's like rule number one"

"Duly Noted" he laughs "thank you, Mills."

"No problem" I smile," Steven I don't think I can focus on anything until you put a shirt on."

He laughs at me and nods his head. I get up and clear the table while Steven grabs a shirt to put on and looks at the books on the bed, "So are these them?"

"Yes," I say walking over to him, "I can only make out certain words, makes no sense to me"

Steven inspects both books, looking at the bind and the pages trying to read the writing, "I'm honestly lost too. It's all gibberish."

"That's because it's written in the elder gods' native tongue," Khonshu says appearing from nowhere scaring both of us.

"A little warning next time bird brain?" Steven responds

"Hello child, made up your mind about my offer," Khonshu asks, I roll my eyes and look at Steven

"Oi bird man, you know she's not here for that." Steven says, "Can you help with the books or not?"

"This is what I get for picking a defected avatar," he whispers to himself. He points his staff at the books, "That's the book of Oshtur, goddess of truth, justice, and cosmic order. The other one looks like the book of Ayesha, the Rain Queen of Balobedu, a former sorceress supreme. These have been lost for centuries, where did you find them?"

"My mother had them in Wakanda."

"Who's your mother girl?"

"Apparently former Queen Ororo of Wakanda"

"The lost Windrider?" he asks shocked, "She's your mother?"

I clear my throat a little uncomfy "Yea seems so. I'm assuming by your reaction you were a fan" I chuckle awkwardly

"Something like that. It's beginning to make sense why she has these books and why you can see me. Your bloodline is closely connected to Oshtur, Steven you may know her as Ma'at" Khonshu says

I have a seat on the bed, "Who is Oshtur, and connected how?"

"Read it yourself," Khonshu says with an attitude

"We can't," I say matching his energy

He shakes his head and holds out his staff, "Grab on" Hesitantly I do as he says and Steven follows. I feel a rush of energy travel through my body giving me a headrush.

We quickly remove our hands from the staff, "What the hell was that?" I ask

"I just gave you the power of, Allspeak now you can communicate and read in all languages of the Nine Realms, Earth's dialects, alien languages, etc. You should have no problem reading those books. Now I shall take my leave." And like that he was gone.

"Allspeak? No way", Steven whispers to himself

"Geez, he was in a mood." I snicker and grab the books, "Grab the wine and sit, we got some reading to do" I take my shoes off and crawl up to the head of the bed.

Steven pours himself a glass and hands me the bottle. In return, I give him a book and we begin to read.

-----------------

For the last few hours, I've been reading about the goddess Oshtur. She is- was?-one of the primordial gods. I am unclear if she is alive or dead.

Can a primordial god die?

Oshtur had a fascination with the realms beyond Earth; so much so that she took to the heavens to travel the stars. During her exploration, Oshtur met a being named Hoggoth, the last survivor of an ancient mystic race.

Okay slay

They learned a great deal from one another, and when Oshtur was ready to move on, Hoggoth offered to go with her. The two eventually traveled back to Earth, where Oshtur cared for the development of mankind.

One day, she observed three children at play, and their joy caused her to shed a single tear. A child of her own emerged from that tear, and Oshtur named him Agamotto.

Agamotto loved to learn, and the two were quite happy together. Agamotto grew into a great teacher and sorcerer, who loved humanity as much as his mother. They eventually joined with Hoggoth to become a mystical trinity known as the Vishanti, and Agamotto encouraged the study of magic in humanity through his writings in the Book of the Vishanti.

Agamotto became the first Sorcerer Supreme of the Earth. He occasionally tried to choose a successor but to no avail. With no luck in his search, he held a battle between all of Earth's mightiest mages to determine the next Sorcerer Supreme. In the end, Ayesha a mighty sorceress from the Kingdom of Balobedu emerged as the champion. She served as Sorcerer Supreme for nearly 4000 years.

Ayesha now the protector of Earth was gifted with the control of Nature and Oshturs Power. Oshturs power is most frequently invoked for spells of strength, providing some power to make an existing spell even more powerful or to strengthen the magician casting it. Ayesha's gifts were passed to her descendants, all women with white hair and powerful magic potential.

I dramatically close the book, "Ayesha is my ancestor."

"I know. At the end of her book, there is a detailed family tree, that I'm assuming your ancestors kept up with. You're the last name here." Steven points at my name and hands me the book, "Outside of that there are all kinds of spells and abilities unlocked by your ancestors: Curative healing, flight, chaos magic, etc. I think your bloodline was blessed with generational bestowment of power. This book is a dummies guide for your potential powers."

"The journal that was bound to my wrist is just like this. Weird, how on some innate part of me I had the urge to document my gifts just like my ancestors."

"You need to add your findings to this book, there are blank pages meant for you"

"Yea, I suppose so." I put the books down and rub my head "So I know my family's origin story and now I have the cheat codes to my power. You'd think I'd be satisfied, but now I find myself grieving for parents I never knew and a past I have forgotten. Somehow it feels all connected."

"I'm sorry love, is there anything I can do?" Steven asks

"No hun, you've done quite enough. Thank you for your help tonight." I check my phone and see it's well past 2 am "I should go" I give Steven a big hug

"I'll see ya soon?" he asks, "Might need you to talk us off the ledge if things go wrong with Layla." he chuckles

I stand up and begin to open a portal "You are so dramatic," I laugh grabbing my books," And yes, of course, call or text me whenever okay?"

"Of course." He waves at me as I step through to my bedroom closing the portal behind me.

------------------------

I lay in bed thinking about what my next move is. I need to take a trip to Bleeker street tomorrow; with the Darkhold's connection to my mother and now my bloodlines ties to the Sorcerer supremes, it's the right time to loop in Strange & Wong. Maybe they can help with my memory, but considering what happened with peter I have my reservations. Also,

Who is Agatha? How does she play into this?

Leaving all of my questions behind, I pull my phone out and begin to scroll through Tik Tok and unwind from the day. Right before I put my phone down to go to sleep, I receive a text from bucky

3:12 am

Hey, Can we talk? I'd really like to see you.

Read

I turn the sound off, put my phone face down on the nightstand, and lay back, "Nope. That's a future me problem."

28 notes · View notes

blackthoughtsbyhfil · 3 days ago

Text

I cried, solicited pity and skipped work to feel sorry for myself. What I used to think of as my lowest moment is now one of my proudest. I no longer think of it with any degree of shame. When she brought up how she wasn't sure about "us", and I slowly over a couple of seconds realized that I was being dumped, I didn't continue to drink the poorly chosen wine (poured from a half bottle because she wasn't counting on my thirst that evening) and slowly untangled my arm I had around her. Amazingly, MY song came on the Spotify shuffle (one I discovered on my own in a fashion more spiritual than she could ever dream of). This was a world where, although we were in her living room, I was the main character. I cried without hesitation and without expecting emotional support from the villain who had the poor taste to abandon me. I left a little bit after beginning another round of crying. I didn't drink any more of her wine.

I had come to her apartment after she had been away on holiday for two weeks. I had been expecting sex. I still needed some form of release and called up a friend who lived in the area. She did not want to have sex either. That was not overly requested in my call and I knew my chances where pretty low that evening, but my main focus was to drink beer, not wine, with someone who would empathize with me. I did not realize at the time how lucky I was to have a friend who would drop everything and meet me for beers after eight within 15 minutes on a Tuesday evening in November, but under the circumstances I would be excused. Although I had no more tears, I covered my face in my arms just to solicit a friendly back-patting.

The clock was approaching 10 on this Tuesday evening, and we caught a bus to the university housing area to join in their weekly screaming session. Although I joined in the screaming, I believe I held back a little because I had never screamed fully before. (Years later I did scream without holding anything back. It was a mistake; I strained my vocal chords and couldn't speak properly for days.) The screaming was a satisfying end to my friend's evening. It was neither satisfying nor the end for me.

On my way home I texted an ex - someone who HAD slept with me before - that I wasn't coming in to work the next day because I had just gotten dumped. She also happened to be my colleague and sharing my office, so I had a plausible reason to share with her. I didn't really think she needed to know. Before I got home - it was a long way home, which of course could have been an unstated reason for her pulling away from me - I also called another ex, who had also slept with me but wasn't a colleague, and told her I had gotten dumped. I was trying to elicit empathy from the very person who all along was hoping to get me back. I played a wild game that night which I had no regrets over.

As it turned out, I wouldn't cry again that night, even though it was a long night. I wouldn't manage to fall sleep until sometime around 3 or 4 in the morning. In the meantime, I masturbated countless times.

On the next morning of my unexpected day off work, I cried again. Although it was a third round of crying from an overwhelming sense of sorrow, there was something deeply satisfying about this cry. It turned out to be the last one concerning her. I spent a sizeable part of the day eating ice cream and watching Netflix. It had been almost exactly a year ago since my first-mentioned friend had broken my heart to a much milder reaction from me, after which I had set off to Berlin for a pivotal long weekend adventure in my life. I commemorated the event by binge-watching Berlin Station.

This evening and the following day was a climax of the shock of a sudden break-up and the already onsetting seasonal depression with a very clear insecurity about my relationship with her. I don't deny that it was a tough time to endure and that I struggled for weeks afterwards with my decision-making and sense of self-worth; yet if given the chance, I would have done the exact same thing again.

0 notes

qnewsau · 4 months ago

Text

Gay drama Interview with the Vampire returns to ABC iview

New Post has been published on https://qnews.com.au/gay-drama-interview-with-the-vampire-returns-to-abc-iview/

Gay drama Interview with the Vampire returns to ABC iview

The second season of gothic gay drama Interview with the Vampire is streaming on ABC iview on Wednesday.

The TV series is the latest adaptation of Anne Rice’s 1976 gothic horror novel of the same name.

This new series, which started in 2022 and has a 98% score on Rotten Tomatoes, is also so much gayer than the 1994 film adaptation, starring Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise.

The first season of Interview with the Vampire follows Louis de Pointe du Lac (Jacob Anderson) with the charismatic vampire Lestat de Lioncourt (Australian actor Sam Reid) and their “epic story of love, blood and the perils of immortality.”

But Louis narrates the show as a vampire in the present day, recounting his and Lestat’s wild relationship in the titular interview with an author for a book.

In the first episodes of season two, lovers Louis and Lestat are separated as Louis and their daughter Claudia flee to Europe.

They’re on a search for Old World Vampires, which they find in Paris at the gothic Theatre Des Vampires.

There, Louis also meets and shacks up with vampire Armand (Assad Zaman) but the couple’s love affair has devastating consequences.

youtube

Interview with the Vampire streaming on ABC iview

Just a few weeks ago, season two of the series wrapped up with a wild finale on streaming service AMC+.

However in Australia, ABC is dropping the entire second season for free on streaming service iview this Wednesday (July 24).

After big disruptions due to the writers strike, US network AMC recently confirmed the series will get a season three.

Image: AMC

Aussie actor Sam Reid will play a larger role in the third season. After Louis’ narration concludes, Lestat will tell his own story from his point of view for the first time.

Creator, writer and showrunner Rolin Jones credited both AMC and the show’s “rabid” fans with the renewal.

“Thank you to the brilliant casts and crews of the first two seasons that got us to this day,” he said.

“Thank you to the rabid, beautifully unwell fandom that scaled the castle walls to get us to this day.”

Season one of Interview with the Vampire is streaming in Australia on ABC iview now. All episodes of season two drop on iview on Wednesday (July 24).

Lots more queer TV:

Kween Kong joins RuPaul’s Drag Race Global All Stars

Crime comedy Deadloch filming season two in Queensland

Meet the men of Netflix’s Japanese gay dating show The Boyfriend

Ru-vealed: Here’s the queens set for Drag Race Down Under season 4

For the latest LGBTIQA+ Sister Girl and Brother Boy news, entertainment, community stories in Australia, visit qnews.com.au. Check out our latest magazines or find us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

#Queer TV

0 notes

justfriendsbestthings · 1 year ago

Text

tag someone you want to get to know better

Tagged by @k-pepp merciii 💕

Favourite colour: pink

Last song: rearranged our road trip playlist so idk, it doesn’t really count as I wasn’t actually listening to the songs more like skipping through but I went through the Backstreet Boys’ discography

Last movie: saw Barbie a second time a couple weeks ago with a whole bunch of people who didn’t like it

Currently watching: rewatching B99 because Emma has never seen it before

Other stuff watched this year: suddenly I have forgotten everything I’ve ever seen but like Barbie and RWRB and SE4 and hst2 and whatever else premiered of interest this year haha

Shows I dropped this year/didn’t finish: nothing really. We started Misfits but only the first season as 2&3 are not on Netflix, but 4 is, which is annoying so haven’t continued with that

Currently reading: fic fic fic fic. wilmon fic & drarry fic mostly

Currently working on: surviving :)

Current obsession: YR and Pokémon as always

Tagging some people from my mentions, no pressure tho <3

@kruemel8 @darktwistedgenderplural @crownedwille

tag someone you want to get to know better

tagged by @labrador-tea - tyy and sorry i took so long

favourite colour: red (yes like enjolras)

last song: 梦回 from the longest promise is playing rn

last movie: just rewatched swan lake so i could make an edit for oomf’s collab for its anniversary!

currently watching: only murders in the building + rewatching word of honor hehe

other stuff i watched this year: i have almost 70 things on this list do you really want it 😭 but highlights were good omens, spiderverse, schmicago, modern family, grey’s anatomy, atla + tlok, kim’s convenience and gotg vol 3 i guess?

shows i dropped this year/didn’t finish: i very rarely drop shows tbh!! but i forgot i was watching grace & frankie so i guess i technically dropped it… planning to return to it eventually tho

currently reading: nothing T-T still keep trying to get through les mis from start to finish instead of in random sections but i keep forgetting i’m reading it lol

currently listening to: don’t listen to podcasts and only get audiobooks for uni assigned books which i didn’t have to get any for this sem!

currently working on: editober 2023! should be working on my editing main’s theme too but (should really be working on catching up with uni hashshsh)

current obsession: good omens, les mis (always), and word of honor has resparked bc i’m rewatching <3

tagging: @p4nicaker @frhog @les-amis-dcd only if y’all want to!

#tag games #just mimi things

55 notes · View notes

eelistolvanen · 4 years ago

Text

Atlantis - Ryan Graves

Pairing: Ryan Graves x Y/N (established)

Warnings: mentions of depression, angst

Word count: 6.1k

A/N: So this is my first NHL fic. Warning: I didn’t proveread and my first language isn’t english. This idea is based on those tiktoks about people losing their sparkle. The title is from the song Atlantis by Seafret.

Hope you enjoy :)

_____________________________

You hurried along the concours at Pepsi center, swearing under your breath. You had already missed the warm ups because you had been held up at work. You didn’t really want to miss puck drop as well. Out of breath, you made it to your seat, happy to realise that you had, in fact, not missed puck drop. You plopped down besides Mel Landeskog and groaned.

“God, I wish I could kill my boss. What a dick.” You said between trying to regain your breath. Mel chuckled beside you. “I wish you did, I don’t know why you keep working for him. I know I wouldn’t.”

Mel had briefly met your boss when she visited you over lunch at your workplace once. And she quickly let you know about her dislike for him. You weren’t a fan of him either, but besides him you liked the job and was one you had worked hard to get.

You and Mel caught up, even though you had seen each other only a few days prior. Then the players started to trickle out of the tunnel and onto the benches. Both you and Mel put the conversation to the side to focus onto the ice. Your eyes went on to search for your boyfriend immediately. It didn’t take very long to spot him, given that he was towering over all the other guys.

As if Ryan had know that you were looking for him, he turned towards the Wags section and locked eyes with you. And although you were too far away to see it properly, you were sure Ryan gave you a simple nod. He always gave you one in warmups when you were watching him. Since you weren’t able to make it in time for warmups, you got the nod now.

The game passed quickly. Both the Avs and Dallas had been playing a good and very tight game. In the end the Avs won it 4-3, thanks to a late 3rd period tiebreaker by Mikko. Ryan played a good game as well, getting an assist and a plus 2 rating.

Soon enough you found yourself down in the families room waiting for Ryan to emerge. You were holding conversation with Mel and some of the other Wags, happily letting them distract you from your long day at work.

The moment Ryan stepped out of the locker room, your eyes moved to look at him. Your subconscious was so in tune with him, you always felt his presence as soon as he entered a room. A few quick steps and he had scooped you up in his arms. This is exactly what you needed after a long day at work. A Ryan hug could fix everything.

“Good game, babe. Sorry I missed warm ups, the boss kept me in today.” You muttered into his neck, while he seemed to melt into your body. He pulled away to look at you.

“Thanks, love. It’s fine, you didn’t mean to miss it. And you made it in time for the game, that’s the important bit.” He gave you a smile and a quick wink while wrapping his arms around you and turning to say goodbye to the team. He took your hand in his while leading you out to the car and driving home.

Unfortunately the long day at work wasn’t a one off. Recently your boss had kept you in longer seemingly every day, excusing it with you needing to more effort into work since many would love to have this job. And it was starting to war you down. You knew Ryan was understanding but you still felt bad that he had to wait up for you.

By the time November rolled around, you were more stressed out and exhausted than ever. You were drowning in work and you felt like the wasn’t any end in sight soon. It didn’t help that the Avs weren’t having a good time. Instead of being at the top of the standings they were battling to stay in a playoff spot. Ans even though it was still early in the season they wouldn’t want to drop back now and even fall out of the playoff race early.

You were currently standing next to Mel and Mikko’s girlfriend waiting for the team to exit the locker room. You knew the mood wasn’t good. The team just lost against the Preds. A team who was battling against them for a playoff position. Also, you were pretty sure that Ryan noticed that you missed the first period due to being held back at work. A few players started clearing out of the locker room and you could see the loss imprinted on their faces. Riding a losing streak was bad enough, but losing against a division rival made it even bitterer.

You felt like you were barely able to breath, not knowing what Ryan’s reaction was gonna be like. Once he finally exited the room, as one of the last out, he held his head low and you could see the disappointment on his face.

He didn’t really lift his head walking over to you but still pulling you in for a hug once you were within reach. He engulfed you with his huge body and held you tight. A huge weight lifted off your chest almost immediately. And you suddenly felt like everything was going to be okay. That you had just worried to much, he would never be angry at you for missing part of a game because of work. You tried to pull him even closer, while he gave you a kiss on the head.

It was nearing the end of November and you had just pulled yourself out of bed an hour ago. It was already 2 pm and while you hoped that sleeping in on your off day would help you with the constant fatigue you were facing, all it did was making you feel even more tired. And you felt like you couldn’t get anything done recently and sitting around in your apartment all day lazily wasn’t helping your guilt at all. But you felt too lethargic to move, the grim weather wasn’t helping. You knew you should get outside more, recently only spending time at work or being holed up in your apartment, but you just couldn’t get any motivation to get up and go outside.

It wasn’t helping that Ryan was away on a road trip and wouldn’t be back in almost a week. The avs had been playing better but the still weren’t where they were supposed to be. HE had been so focused on playing well recently, you didn’t really feel like bothering him with your everyday problems. His career was important to you and you didn’t want to mess with it.

This week passed slower and you felt yourself being sucked into the black hole even further. Then on top of all the stuff that was doing badly at work at the moment, your boss had decided to bring in a new intern. He also made it pretty clear to you that the intern was trying out for your job position. You slowly felt like the weight on your shoulders was staring to crush you. Once Friday evening came, you were wrapped up in blankets on your couch, binge watching some Netflix series and eating ice cream. Ryan would fly in after his game, presumably late in the night. So you didn’t bother staying up, you would only fall asleep on the couch anyway.

You were woken up by sounds outside of your bedroom and not soon after you heard Ryan slip in. He was trying to be quiet, but you were awake now anyway.

“Hey Babe, you’re back.” Your whispered statement probably sounded more like a question but you didn’t care. His reaction told you that he wasn’t expecting you to be awake.

“Oh hey, baby. I’m sorry for waking you” You barely heard him, his voice quiet and hushed. Soon enough he slip into bed and wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you close. He must have sensed that you had a hard day at work, just from the way he was holding you close to him. And you tried your best to relax into his touch and fall asleep again.

November passed and you just couldn’t seem to catch a break anymore. Today was another horrendous day at work, where everything seemed to be going wrong lately. Your boss was more than displeased with your performance and it didn’t seem like you were able to get out of your slump anytime soon. The new intern threatening your job position was obviously not helping in easing your nerves. Now you wanted nothing more than to get home and curl yourself up on the couch in Ryan’s arms.

Finally making it to your shared apartment, you had never been so glad that Ryan wasn’t on a road trip than tonight. As soon as you were inside the door you dropped your coat and the purse in the entry, kicked of your shoes and made your way to the living room. You let out a deep sigh, the tight feeling in your chest that you had all day still letting itself be known.

As soon as you entered the living room Ryan looked up from his space on the couch. His gentle greeting went mostly unrequited. You felt a lump in your throat forming. The team had hit a rough patch time lately again and you didn’t really want him to have to deal with your problems. You knew that he had enough on his mind. So you quickly tried to give him a smile but he’d already risen from the couch, knowing you well enough to see by your posture alone that something wasn’t right.

With a couple big steps he closed the distance between you two and wrapped his arms around you tightly. You were trying to relax, let yourself drown in his big embrace but then you slowly you realise something that you had been dreading for a while now. The tight feeling in your chest was still there. You anxiety didn’t lift of you like it used to. His embrace didn’t seem to let you forget about all your worries. It didn’t seem to heal you, put your pieces back together anymore. And suddenly you realised that it hadn’t for a while now. Slowly hug after hug his power to keep you together, to calm you down, had weakened. You used to call his hugs his superpower, that no one hugged you like Ryan did. No one else’s hugs made you feel at home, made you feel safe.

But now his hugs just felt like… hugs. Normal hugs. Nothing special. Simply a hug you could get from any person you knew. No magic, no superpower. No sparkle…

You could feel your heart shatter at the sudden realization. He hugged you still the same way. He still put all his power into trying to keep you together, to pick your pieces up, to heal you. It wasn’t Ryan who lost something. It was you. You had lost your sparkle, your magic. And Ryan wouldn’t be able to fix it. Not this time.

You hadn’t even realised that silent tears had started to run down your cheeks. You let out a shaky breath, trying to steady yourself. But all it did was making it worse. You let out a sob you didn’t knew you were holding deep inside you.

“Hey, hey! Shhh, it’s okay baby. Everything is gonna be okay.” Ryan slowly rubbed your back, trying to soothe you. But you knew Ryan well enough to know, that even he himself wasn’t believing his words anymore.

You quietly cried into his chest and he held you close to him. You had stayed like that for a while after. But the tight feeling in your chest didn’t lift. If anything your sudden realization made it worse.

You hit your breaking point in the beginning of December. You felt like you fell apart. You hadn’t been going to games for a while now. You came home after work and holed yourself up on the couch or tired to cry yourself to sleep.

Ryan tried to reach out to you as much as possible. He tried and tried and tried, but no matter what he did he wasn’t able to help you. His presence didn’t relieve the pain in your chest and that heavy feeling you’d been carrying around for a while now. It had gotten so bad that you had started to pull away. You didn’t consciously want to, but did it anyway. He just wasn’t able to get through to you anymore.

And this killed him. Nothing hurt him more than to see that light in you fade. Day after day, week after week, your once so bright sparkle had started to dim. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t fix you. Not anymore.

You had been thinking about it for a while now. You hated your work, Denver started to turn all grey on you and you felt like a burden to Ryan recently. You needed change.

Now, you were standing in the living room, a couple steps away from Ryan. You knew he wanted to close the space, hug you, try giving you comfort but he wasn’t sure if that’s what you really needed anymore. Silent tears ran down your face and you could see Ryan shatter right in front of you.

“Tell me we can fix this. Please Ryan, tell me that leaving isn’t the right thing to do.”

“You’re not happy here anymore, Y/N. You don’t have to stay here for me, you know? I can’t expect you to stay.”

You wanted him to be wrong. You wanted him to tell you that everything would work out, that you would be able to fix your life in Denver, that leaving wasn’t the right thing to do. But you knew better.

“Ryan, please tell me you know how to fix this. You always find a way to fix me!” You were desperate now, your voice shaking.

You hated how you could read the answer in his eyes before he even parted is lips. You knew this was it. Game over, you had nothing else to give.

“I look at you and see the ghost of someone you used to be and nothing hurts more than knowing that there’s nothing I can do to fix you. To save us. I can’t save us.” You felt yourself shatter. Game over. Nothing made it more real than him telling you. He finally closed the space between the two of you. But he didn’t hug you, he simply put his hand on your face and gently stroked the tears away with his thumb.

“I know you’re trying to look out for me, thinking about me, about us first. But you need to start looking out for yourself now. This life here isn’t treating you right anymore. It’s breaking you! You know yourself that you won’t be able to fix this here.” You inhaled shakily.

“I know, I just…” Your voice gave in.

“You know that if there was a way for me to fix this, to heal you, to do something about it, I would. You need to go, cause you won’t get better here. With me. And as much as I love you, this life here is ruining you.”

His forehead was touching yours now and both his hands were placed on your cheeks. You could feel his silent sobs. You could feel the way his heart broke when he said the following words.

“How do you look at the person you love the most and tell yourself that it’s time to let her go?”

“Don’t let go then!”

Slowly he pulled away. You tried to catch his hands in yours but of no use. Slowly he lowered them and pulled his hands from his grasp.

“Just promise me you’ll try your hardest to get better. To get that light back, that sparkle back. You will get better, but this time you have to fix yourself. I love you so much, Y/N, but I just want you to be happy. Maybe one day this will include me again.”

With that he gave you a last kiss on your forehead and turned around and walked towards the door. That’s when you broke down. You knew this was real know. The bags you packed would actually be used, the calls home you made to tell your family about coming home would actually hold its promise, the resignation on your job would actually be sent in. You knew this was only supposed to be a break for you to find yourself again and come back after. But right now this felt more like a finale breakup than anything else.

At first being home seemed to do you good. You spent a lot of time with your family, you didn’t have to think about your job anymore. But it didn’t take long for that cold, nagging feeling in your chest to return. So you had started to visit a therapist. And you tried your hardest to do the little tasks she sent you home with after each session. But somehow you just felt so broken. You felt so exhausted, so lifeless. It was hard for you to find joy in something nowadays. You felt… empty.

Weeks passed. Christmas came and went. You tried to set yourself some goals, some solutions for the new year. But things didn’t seem to get better.

Ryan really didn’t want to look at his phone. Another loss, another season that seemed to go to waste. An now he couldn’t even go home and hold you in his arms for consolidation. He already dreaded the empty house he would come home to. He really couldn’t call it his home anymore. Just a place he used for sleeping or the occasional nap. Nowadays he spent as much time at the rink or at teammates houses as possible. The house was just so cold without you. Like all life had left it. Once he was seated in his car he finally gave his phone a quick glance. He did a doubletake to make sure his eyes weren’t betraying him. But there it was you name on screen. Had had left him a voicemail.

His chest tightened as he realised that you probably called him on purpose during the game. You knew that he was playing, he was sure of that. He had to take a couple of deep breath before being able to press play on the voicemail.

At first he could only hear your shaky breath, presumably teary eyed. He felt a sudden stab to his heart.

“Hey Ryan, I know this is out of nowhere but I just…” Your voice went silent again. This time he was sure that you were sobbing quietly.

“I’m trying so hard, but I don’t know how much longer I can fight… But I want you to know that there was nothing you could have done to help me, Ryan. You did your best.” He could hear your sobs now loudly and clearly, and it broke his heart.

“And you have to know that if I ever lose my battle to depression… know that I fought, know that I tried, know I did my best to overcome it. I love you so much, Ryan.”

And with that the voicemail ended. Ryan felt like someone ripped to ground from underneath him. Felt like he was spiralling down a dark hole. He let out a gasp, feeling himself tear up.

He knew he had to call you back, as soon as possible. But it was proving to be a challenge. His vision was blurry from his teary eyes and it wasn’t helping that his hands were shaking uncontrollably. It felt like he was just sitting there in his car for ages, before he had calmed himself down enough to press the call button.

He didn’t really know what he was going to say. He didn’t even know where to start, all he knew that he needed to hear your voice. Now.

It kept ringing and ringing but you didn’t pick up. He tried multiple times but nothing. His calls went unanswered. With a heavy heart he decided to drive home, since he was still sitting in the parking lot at Pepsi center.

At home he tried again. And again just before letting his exhausted body fall asleep. But you didn’t pick up. Finally, the next morning just when he thought another call would go to voicemail you answered.

“Hey.” Honestly you didn’t know what else to say and you also didn’t know to expect.

“You wouldn’t do it, right? You wouldn’t… you know end it, right?” He sounded desperate, you could sense the urgency in his voice.

“Ryan…” “No, you wouldn’t do this to me, right? I love you, Y/N. I need you. I let you leave so you could get better, not to …”

His voice cut out, and his sentence went unfinished. You didn’t really know what to tell him. The voicemail was made impulsively. You had a bad day yesterday. Well, you had a lot of bad days recently.

“What do I have to do Y/N? Tell me what I can do? I thought that letting you go home, getting out for a while might help, apparently it didn’t. God, if you tell me that you want to come home, home to me, I’ll step on the next airplane and will get you myself.”

You laughed humourlessly.

“No, you were right. I have to fix myself. I had to get away from all of that. But I just can’t seem to get better. I don’t know that else to do, Ryan. I try to focus on myself, I go to a therapist, I try to get outside a lot. But… nothing.”

“You will get better, you have to. I couldn’t handle losing you, Y/N!”

Denver airport was buzzing this particular early February morning. You stood at the baggage claim, waiting for your suitcase to appear. The waiting time left you questioning yourself whether you made the right decision to come back here. You were only coming for a few days. To catch up with Mel and Linnea. Really Mel had been the one pushing you, saying that it would do you good to talk with someone you used to see almost everyday.

Finally you spotted your suitcase and made your way towards the exit. Finding Mel was easy enough, since she had spotted you way before you were near her and was now waving frantically. As soon as you got to her she gave you a big hug. Still, you were feeling at unease. You didn’t really know why. The team was on a roadtrip and wouldn’t be back for a few days, so there was no possibility to run into Ryan.

You weren’t actively avoiding him but you weren’t ready to face him either. YOU hadn’t spoken to him in weeks. You were supposed to be gone for a bit and come back once you felt better. Now over 2 months had passed and you weren’t better at all. You weren’t ready to come back, you were just visiting. You weren’t even sure anymore if you could ever come back. And that scared you. You used to love the city, loved living here, loved your job. Now, that was all gone. How would you be able to tell Ryan this? Tell him that you were failing at fixing yourself. Tell him to wait around for you, in hope that maybe one day, one day you would get better.

He had tried to call you occasionally but you usually weren’t picking up. Just sending him lame excuses for not answering the phone, knowing that he would see right through you. But you couldn’t stand to hear his voice. He cared so much, even though you weren’t giving him any reason to. You wouldn’t be able to lie to him, wouldn’t be able to give him false hope, that it would all work out. Cause truly, you’d given up hope.

Mel was right. Catching up did you good. You had missed her, in a way you had also missed Denver. The Denver you used to love, before everything turned grey and lifeless. You talked to her for hours. You played with Linnea, went out for lunch and even agreed to watch the Avs game in the evening.

Talking with Mel put a lot into perspective for you. You saw things from a different view. You realised that not everything always was gonna be perfect. That you didn’t need to have that dreamjob to feel happy. Quiet the opposite actually. Trying to be enough had torn you apart.

You didn’t just talk about you and your struggles but also about stupid everyday things. About that coffeeshop you went to, about funny stories on the team, about Linnea’s newest adventures. And you realised how much you wanted this back. This life you used to love so much, before you let it take control over you.

Those couple of days seemed to pass in a hurry and you would soon return home. This time with a goal to return rather sooner than later. That morning Gabe had left for the first practice since returning from their roadtrip. When he came back the three of you, Linnea was asleep upstairs, hung around in the kitchen making light conversation. You heard the door open and close, but you really didn’t think of much. Mel’s panicked look threw you off guard.

“You were supposed to tell Ryan that he can’t come over after practice today,- !” Mel’s harsh whispering towards Gabe was cut short as Ryan entered the kitchen. Suddenly everything went silent. It took Ryan a couple seconds to spot you, but his shocked look his face told you that Gabe at least hadn’t told the team that you were back in town.

Ryan was still wrangling for words, while Gabe and Mel quickly escaped the kitchen. You wished you could have too.

“You’re back. I didn’t know…” You knew he didn’t mean to sound so accusing and hurt, but it still stung. “Were you going to tell me?”

You were fighting for words. You didn’t think you would see him, you were hoping he wouldn’t find out. Your silence was enough of an answer for him, the disappointment written all over his face.

“I only came to visit, I’m not staying, Ryan.” You realised too late how wrong your words sounded. Ryan let out a sigh, frustration slowly building up.

“Obviously not to visit me.” He sounded sad and hurt. “I thought this was just some time away for you, not like… a breakup or something.”

“It’s not, Ryan. I- “ But you really didn’t know how to answer this honestly. Because it did feel like a breakup to you too.

He stepped closer to you before speaking up quietly. “ I love you, Y/N! I always will. And I’ll wait for you as long as you want me to. I won’t give up on you, ok? But if this is not what you want anymore, I need to know. Cause I can’t keep calling you, reaching out to you, keep holding on if you have already let go.”

You wanted to speak up, but you just didn’t know how. You just didn’t know how to let him down easy. And you could see in his eyes that he was waiting for you. But the longer you waited, the further he seemed to slip away.

He gave you a sad smile and a silently mouthed “I love you” before turning around and walking towards the door.

You knew he was long out of earshot when you finally spoke those words back to him.

“I love you too, Ryan.”

The rest of the day passed slowly. Everything seemed to drag on. You would fly back home the next day and you knew you had to tell Ryan to hold on just a bit longer. But you felt immobilized. Mel tried to talk to you about your confrontation, but to no use. You pushed her away, shut her out. So she let you be.

You were sitting in Mel’s car on your way to the airport. Mel was making light conversation and was actively avoiding the elephant in the room. And you were thankful for that. You wouldn’t know what to say.

For a minute you considered telling Mel to turn the car around and drive you to Ryan’s apartment. To your apartment. But you couldn’t do it. And a couple hours later you were sitting in the plane taking you towards your hometown.

You’d been sulking at home the entire rest of the day. You had to tell him. The sooner the better. But you hated confrontation so you waited til the next morning, when you were sure he was at practice. Your voicemail was short but hopefully enough to get the message across.

“Don’t… don’t give up on me, Ryan. I’m trying ok?” That was all you had said.

When he called you in the evening, it was the first time in a long time you answered to one of his calls. You talked for what felt like hours. Nothing deep or meaningful, just the little things. But when you hung up and you went to bed, it was the first time in months where you didn’t have trouble falling asleep.

Now you weren’t missing a single call of his. He asked you about your day, about your session with the therapist, whether you’d drank enough water and you would ask him about his day, about the team, about practice or about the game. Over the next months those calls started to become your favourite part of your day. It was one of the things you were looking forward to.

As you were sitting in your therapist’s office late in march, you kept replaying something she’d said earlier during the session. “You only know how to use the tools to fix your heart, but that doesn’t mean someone else can’t stand beside you and hand them to you.”

And you realised just how right she was. While nobody else could use those tools, it helped to know that there was someone standing beside you supporting you, helping you out, guiding you. And that someone was Ryan. And you knew then that that two of you would be fine. Even if it took a while til you got better. You’d already gotten better over the last few weeks.

So a couple of days before the regular season ended you flew back into Denver. This time not for a visit. You hadn’t told Ryan that you were coming. Since Mel or Gabe couldn’t come pick you up EJ came and drove you home. Talking with him on the drive home made you realise just how much you missed the team. They were like a second family to you. EJ was probably more excited for you to be back than you himself. He kept telling you how hard it had been for Ryan to be away from you and that he was glad that you were finally back so he wouldn’t have to hear Ryan pour his heart out to him on every team flight.

EJ helped you carry your bags up to your apartment door but told you that he would let the two of you reunite in peace. It took you a bit to calm your nerves before you were able to knock. Technically you still had the key and it was still your home as well, but you didn’t want to just barge in.

You could hear his footsteps walking towards the door and you were sure that you could feel your heart beating louder than ever before. You couldn’t hear any hesitation in his steps, indicating that he definitely hadn’t looked through the peephole before opening the door. This was only further proven by his shocked expression he wore when realising who was standing in front of him.

The surprised expression didn’t stay for long though and before you knew you were being scooped up into his arms. You could hear him exhale slowly. “You’re back…”

Your breath was caught in your throat. Shocked you looked down at the ice where your boyfriend had you moments before made heavy contact with the boards. It was midway through the third period and an opposing player thought the best was to avenge his teams 4 goal deficit by giving out a dirty boarding hit. It was the last regular season game and the clinching game for both teams, so emotions were running hot. He was still down, not moving. You watched in shock as the athletic trainers made their way onto the ice. Mel had wrapped an arms around your shoulder but you barely acknowledged her.

You could faintly hear her soft “He’s going to be fine Y/N, okay?” All you could do was give her a slow nod. In what seemed like slow motion, Ryan was helped onto his feet by the trainer and some of his teammates. His head hung low and he was basically dragged towards the tunnel but at least he was able to get up on his own.

You released the breath you were holding. You were still shaking but he seemed to be better than you first anticipated. The rest of the game passed by you in a blur. You were on autopilot. You barley registered Nate scoring on the powerplay that resulted from the hit. Neither did you acknowledge the empty netter from Mikko making it 6-0 for the avs in the end and subsequently clinching a playoff spot. As soon as the buzzer sounded you were out of your seat, trying to make your way down to the locker room.

Mel caught your arm and tugged you towards her. “Hey, he will be just fine, okay? He’s a though one. Let’s go down together, yeah?” You quickly nodded and gave her a hug. “Thank you, I don’t know what I would do without you sometimes.” You meant it, she was always such a good friend to you. She gave you a reassuring smile before wrapping an arm around you and making your way down to the locker room.

You were pacing holes into the carpet in the families room, impatiently waiting for someone to come out of the locker room and give you an update on Ryan. You nearly jumped EJ when he finally emerged as the first player.

“He’s fine Y/N. Just a little shaken up. He’ll be out soon.” He gave you a quick hug. And it really didn’t take long for Ryan to emerge. He looked tired and worn out, but he was walking on his own and you couldn’t detect any injury so you took this as a good sign.

He quickly closed the distance and pulled you in for hug. It was quiet but you could still hear him mutter “I’m fine, Y/N. I’m glad you’re back” into your hair. And in this moment you realised that the anxiety, the tight feeling in your chest and the worry about Ryan had lifted. One simple hug let all your worries wash away. It seemed to fix all your problems and worries. Just like it had used to do.

When Ryan pulled away you could see it in him as well. That realization. He gave you a kiss on your temple.

“You’re back, Y/N. You’re back. God, I missed you so much.”

And you knew he didn’t just mean your physical return to Denver. You were back.

*the end*

#ryan graves #ryan graves fic #ryan graves imagine #ryan graves x reader #nhl imagine #nhl fanfiction #colorado avalanche

111 notes · View notes

afaimscorner · 3 years ago

Text

Renew Legends of Tomorrow-Week:

A couple of years ago, when I was not well, Season 2 of „Legends of Tomorrow“ made life bearabel again for me. Ever since then this weird little show helped me to get through the day, made life a little bit less scary and a litte bit less heavy for me.

Being a „Legends“-Fan has not been easy where I live. I still remember having to watch new episodes at two in the morning (no, I am not kidding, that was when the new season aired, that is German Televion for you!), watching the episodes out of order. (The same people who aired the show at two in the morning also aired the „Invasion“-! Tie-In Episode before the aired anything else from Season 2),having to import Season 4 and 5 on DVD because they are only available on Blue Ray in German Speaking Countries, and now not knowing when and if Season 6 will ever even drop in any format for Home Entertainment here, the „fun“ of realizing that certain episodes where just not put on the Homepage of the Network that aired the show too late (always the one episode I could not catch) and don’t even get me started on Streaming Rights, because no „Legends“ is not on Netflix over here and Season 1 was only included on Amazon by the time Season 4 was airing the US. Oh, and did I menton that the one ComicCon (back before Covid when those were still happening) that was scheduled to have „Legends“-Stars was cancelled even though I was totally ready to travel in another country because of that? And also of course me getting bullied for daring to repost an older fic-circle on AO3 where Sara did not end up with Ava but with a male character because I started writing it in Season 2 when Ava did not even exist and originally ended it after Season 3 (because yes of course Bi-Phobia!, which I as a bi woman myself did not take well as you can imagine, also because the fic is in German and the person who attacked me commented in English and did not even read it and never planned to, so yeah thank you for your kind support).

So yeah, I went through all of that, and now I just really do not want „Legends“ to end on a Cliffhangar. So please #RenewLegendsofTomorrow

So, I can’t do Memes and the week is almost over and my Fanfics are all in German, sorry, but I can tell you this:

„The One Where We are trapped on TV“ (L5x13)

Episode 5x13/ 81 that written by: Grainne Godfree and James Eagan and directed by Marc Guggenheim is my all-time favorite Arrowverse-Episode and was my favorite TV Episode of the year 2020. I just love love everything about this episode.

Ray Palmer was and still is my Favorite Arrowverse-Character over- all and I was so glad to have him back in Season 7 and in „Armageddon“ over on „The Flash“, but I still miss Ray so much. Luckily Sara Lance is my second Favorite Arrowverse-Character over-all and she is still around and very much Captain of the ship! If they #RenewLegendsofTomorrow that is. Sara was the reason is actually started liking „Arrow“ I think (Honestly it might just have been Stockholm Syndrome, after/during Season 2 I just realized one day that I actually really liked the show now, even though they had killed of my beloved Tommy!). I watched her grow over the years, live through loss and tragedy, find love and happiness and now starting a family of her own. I want to continue to watch her grow.

Now my Favorite Moment of „Legends of Tomorrow“ for very personal reasons (meaning that I have consumed more Pop Culture, Literature, Comics, Films and Fan-Works than a sane person probably should) is actually the moment in Season 6 when Kayla is about to shoot Mick and he just says: „Don’t I am pregnant!“ This was the moment when I thought „Now, Legends has done it, they have done everything they ever set out to do, they have succeded.“ I just really loved this role-swap of a popular Trope and I would have had made my peace with „Legends“ ending after this, but not if they end on a Cliffhangar, they should be allowed to go out on their own terms. #RenewLegendsofTomorrow

I also really loved Spooner coming out as ace too Zari in Season 7. For simelar reasons. Everyone is always talking a representation, but the only show that is actually really good at it is this goofy pop culure crazy time travel show that is based on DC Comics in some way.

And of course I will never stop crying my heart out about Martin dying in the „Legends“-Episode of „Crisis on Earth-X“. But this Episode also gave us the Westallen Wedding, with the most beautiful vows, which is also one of my all-time favorite Arrowverse-Moments. Because back then when we still had Crossovers „Legends“ always had the final episode, which must have been a bitch to write, but they still always managed to bring the ship back home safely and I always loved how spot on Non-Legends like Felicity or Cisco or Barry and Iris were in those episodes. (And poor Oliver and Kara as well of course).

And since Fan Works Day is the last One. If you speak German or want to go through Google Tranlating this one, I was always insanley proud of this Fic, that somehow never got the love it deserved for reasons I did explain earlier in this post (like how not easy is actually was to watch „Legends“ over here most of the time):

Kompass:

„Es ist eine Tatsache, dass wir mit einem Kompass am dominanten Arm geboren werden. Zwei sich überlappende Kompassnadeln begleiten uns durch unser ganzes Leben, und manchmal, wenn wir einen speziellen Menschen begegnen, dann erscheint sein Name auf unserer Haut, an der Stelle, wo auf einem richtigen Kompass eine unserer vier Himmelsrichtungen stehen würde. Insgesamt kann uns das in unserem Leben vier Mal passieren. Wer sehr viel Glück hat, der findet irgendwann vier Namen auf seinem Arm stehend. Wer weniger Glück hat, verbringt sein ganzes Leben ohne einen einzigen Namen. Das wissen wir alle natürlich. Was wir nicht wissen ist, warum das so ist. Oder was diese Namen auf unserem Kompass zu bedeuten haben. - "Kompass am Arm"- AU, Doomworld-AU, Atomwave mit Side-Pairings: Amaya/Nate, Amaya/Sara, Raylicity u.a.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34176358/chapters/85038046

#RenewLegendsofTomorrow

#Legends of Tomorrow #Arrowverse #Arrow #The Flash #Legends of Tomorrow Season 8 #renew legends of tomorrow

5 notes · View notes

sammysreelreviews · 5 years ago

Text

Counting Down My Top Ten Underrated Tv Shows Of The Decade

Hello all! This post starts my 2010’s countdowns! After this there will be five more countdowns all about the best in tv and film from the last decade! I’m so excited to get these out and I hope you’re as excited as I am! In today’s world of streaming there are so many tv shows that some of the very best ones get looked over or don’t get the respect they deserve. I’ve compiled this list of shows that were very underrated in my opinion and there will be ***SPOILERS!!!*** Enjoy!

10. Euphoria (2019- ) HBO

Ok so I wouldn’t call Euphoria underrated but it didn’t make my other list and it had to be seen. Zendaya and Jacob Elordi had some outstanding performances and the show gave us the iconic Maddy Perez. The outfits, the acting, the cinematography this teen show is the best addition to HBO and I can not wait for season 2. #Fuckshyguy118!

9. Elite (2018- ) Netflix

Speaking of teen shows, Netflix brought out the big guns when they dropped this Gossip Girl like Spanish drama. The show starts off as a who dunnit but ends up being so much more when you get to know the unrealistically good looking characters. I love a teen drama and Elite is one of the best ones EVER. By the way, I know they’re semi problematic but I stan Nadia and Guzman! This is me officially saying they’re my Elite OTP! Do not come at me!

8. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (2015-2019) CW

This was a show I was never interested in at first because honestly I’m not a musical person but I started this a few months ago out of boredom and my god it deserved every award it’s ever received and more! Although the protagonist is someone you really can’t root for, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend goes over important topics including mental health. The actors all worked their asses off and Donna Lynne Champlain deserves so much for recognition for her performance as Paula! I’ll miss this kooky show so much even though it only took me a couple weeks to watch it all cause I’m insane.

7. The End of the F***ing World (2017- ) Netflix

This show is so random and weird and sad and funny and everyone needs to watch it. James (Alex Lawther) and Alyssa (Jessica Barden) are the definition of an odd couple but for some reason they have you rooting for them. Season 2 gave us the closure we all needed from season one but I really hope they don’t stretch it to three seasons.

6. Killing Eve (2018- ) BBC America

I’ve brought Killing Eve up before so I’ll make this short. Having two women in a cat and mouse chase while having random comedic moments is so REFRESHING. The European scenery and Villanelle’s iconic outfits also help elevate the show. Jodie Comer is so captivating as Villanelle and deserved that Emmy god dammit!

5. Brooklyn Nine Nine (2013- ) NBC

I mean... one of the funniest show I’ve ever seen. This is a show that could go on for ten more seasons and I wouldn’t complain. There’s so much I could say about this wonderful show but no words would sum it up. I just really wish Chelsea Peretti would come back full time as Gina.

4. Quicksand (2019- ) Netflix

Quicksand is only one season but it will stay with you forever. The show about a girl accused of her school shooting is absolutely addicting and heartbreaking. It’s a Swedish Netflix original and it’s one of the best original series they have. If you like Skins you’ll love this.

3. The Good Place (2016- ) NBC

The Good Place is a show that’s honestly just so unique. Whether are not you’re in the good or the bad place you must have to agree that this show is top tier comedy and should be required viewing. It also doesn’t hurt that D’Arcy Carden is the fucking best as Janet and Manny Jacinto is a total smoke show.

2. Good Trouble (2019- ) Freeform

Good Trouble is a spin-off of the groundbreaking show The Fosters. The show follows sisters Callie (Maia Mitchell) and Marianna (Cierra Ramirez) as they navigate adulthood in LA. I love Good Trouble because it’s so real and inclusive. This has one of the most diverse casts on television and they tackle hard topics such as, women getting paid less, police brutality against black people, mental health, and body image with such ease. Not only that but they have a male who’s bisexual who has healthy relationships with men and women. Good Trouble is honestly groundbreaking and I have no idea why it hasn’t won Globes.

1. Dear White People (2017- ) Netflix

This is the 181882nd time I’ve written about this show and as a black girl living in a mostly white area it means the world to me. Marque Richardson needs to be recognized for his performance as Reggie! Season 4 is the last season and I’m so sad that it’s ending. Please watch the god damn show!!!!

#netflix #netflix suggestions #netflix recommendations #good trouble #the good place #dear white people #quicksand #quicksand netflix #elite netflix #euphoria #killing eve #brooklyn nine nine #andy samberg #crazy ex girlfriend #rachel bloom #the cw #the end of the f***ing world

1K notes · View notes

carrieeve · 3 years ago

Text

I posted 8178 times in 2021

161 posts created (2%)

8017 posts reblogged (98%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 49.8 posts.

I added 6507 tags in 2021

#the 100 - 2030 posts

#bellarke - 1246 posts

#nikt się nie spodziewa hiszpańskiej inkwizycji - 1090 posts

#bellamy blake - 463 posts

#lucifer - 355 posts

#clarke griffin - 298 posts

#the hostage taker and his girlfriend - 289 posts

#bellarke fanfiction - 285 posts

#shadow and bone - 245 posts

#bob morley - 206 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#but it's my dad's metallica that i remember best--and the black album is for sure the thing i remember as like the first thing i listened to

My Top Posts in 2021

literally everything we've heard since the series finale strengthens my belief that season 7 was an insult to our intelligence.

112 notes • Posted 2021-03-13 21:43:56 GMT

bring me back to you, in your arms I'm going to stay

for @small-towngirl22 through the @t100fic-for-blm

Clarke and Bellamy have been best friends for years, they’ve been dating for a while as well and they understand each other without words—they’re soulmates, plain and simple. They share a unique bond that brought them together. And honestly, this is the happiest she’d ever been with a relationship.

The only thing is, technically, they’ve never properly met. Technically, it’s all happening inside their heads.

[ao3 link in reblog]

119 notes • Posted 2021-02-03 20:56:57 GMT

Because you fucking shot me, Daniel.

I love Netflix.

126 notes • Posted 2021-05-28 19:59:17 GMT

I really love that pretty much everyone on Lucifer is in therapy, trying to work on their issues, and the therapist is actually helping. It would've been so easy for them to make Linda some kind of a comic relief but instead, she's amazing.

152 notes • Posted 2021-05-28 21:28:00 GMT

You know what I want? I want to fall in love with a proper TV show again. I want to fall in love with a fandom again and agonise over having to wait a whole week for a new episode while we all theorise what will happen.

Yes, I realise that covid put everything on its head but that shift in broadcasting happened way before that.

Sure, there are many fantastic things streaming right now but this new policy of short seasons being practically dropped at ance killed something for me.

I mean, we all watched the Witcher, right? And we talked about it constantly for oh, good couple of months. But that was more than a year ago. Stranger Things? Who can even remember what that was about?

I miss having my shows stretched over months and months. I miss the hiatus being something to survive and not the norm.

And I miss creators not sacrificing their own great stories for the sake of shocking everyone. I don't need television to whack me over the head and take all my will to live. I want to be amazed.

289 notes • Posted 2021-03-10 21:02:33 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #heh i have a brand

1 note · View note

xiaomomowrites · 4 years ago

Text

hiraeth

Legend of Korra | Kainora

Summary: Kai gets tired of this long distance thing first. Full disclosure, the unmistakable feeling of this dreaded distance has been building up for months now, and the only thing that kept the truth stuck in his throat was the fact that it felt completely and utterly selfish to admit it out loud. Even to himself. “Last chance to tell me not to go,” he looks down at her surprised expression. Jinora’s mouth twitches into a bitter smile, humoring him. “Don’t go."

Find this story on AO3 and Fanfiction!

A/N: Wow haha. Every time I take a "short" break from writing, it always ends up being like a year or so. I've been working on this one since Netflix dropped Korra this summer actually, because I remember how much this ship makes me feel things lol. Also because I was totally robbed of these two in season 4. I adore this sunshine ship, but you know me, I have a weird affinity for angst. Anyway, enjoy! - s.a.

hiraeth - (n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past.

Kai gets tired of this long distance thing first.

At least, that’s what it looks like to him whenever he’s waiting on a response from his busy significant other.

Full disclosure, the unmistakable feeling of this dreaded distance has been building up for months now, and the only thing that kept the truth stuck in his throat was the fact that it felt completely and utterly selfish to admit it out loud. Even to himself.

He’s an airbender too, for Raava’s sake. The expectation is that he is a picture of patience and an expert at disassociating from the pull of earthly ties. It really doesn’t help either that this is not just some simple cookie cutter relationship with a normal girl. In which, maybe a couple months of separation and no contact probably meant it was over. Instead, their relationship is decorated with the complexities of being responsible for a whole nation’s growth and wellbeing, and half of this pair, a master Airbender, was an important figure in this mission.

Kai ultimately understood that the years they had spent together so far built quite a solid foundation for setbacks like this. The communication, the genuine love, and the mutual understanding seemed like the perfect equation for a relationship that could withstand the turbulence of long distance.

But sometimes he just felt like there was no room to be...clingy. And that kinda sucked.

At first, the occasional reunions were sufficient.

There was pep in his step when he worked, knowing that he would always come home to her. Work hours would go by quickly when he knew there was a phone call waiting for him at the end of the day. It became natural to expect an incoming letter (he has kept every single one) that went on about anything and everything in his absence. He always adored the way he could read them in her voice; anyone with a functioning pair of eyes would be able to see the strength of their love in the beginning.

“He must have a lucky lady in his life,” people in passing would say, commenting on the way he held his chin up. It was easy to pinpoint the source of this glow about the young airbender.

Counting down the days was so much easier when the finish line was always palpable.

But that was just the beginning.

The beginning, four years ago, before Jinora became significantly more occupied with significantly more responsibilities. This was before the population of the new air nation had practically doubled, and before issues started arising left and right as a consequence of the Avatar’s disappearance and, subsequently, Kuvira’s attempted tyranny. Things were different before, and so he coined the term, and used it with venom whenever he would spill all his frustrations to Opal.

Although there was a brief period following the fall of Kuvira's army where things seemed to slow down a little, the world quickly picked up its pace once more, sending him off to travel the world and keeping her where she was needed the most.

In retrospect, it was naive to think they would be let off the hook just because they were two teenagers in love, impending doom no longer looming over their shoulders. Of course, they both knew it was only a matter of time before more work and real obligations towered over them and their relationship. But at the time, it was easy to focus on being grateful for the extra time together, until the thought of being separated again so shortly after inevitably dampened the mood. And what neither of them expected was the toll this distance would take on a couple of youngsters in love that feel with every fiber of their being.

Kai sighs, twirling the pen in his hand. The paper underneath his other hand remained painfully blank. It stared at him teasingly and he simply stared back, daring it to make a comment on him not being able to come up with anything to say.

He always had something to say.

“What’s wrong?” Opal asks, materializing beside him and setting down a small bowl wrapped up neatly in front of him. Kai watches as the tied handles of the plastic bag fall softly onto his writing hand and only then does he remember where he is. He glances at his friend, hoping she didn’t just catch him slipping, and replaces the pen in his hand with a pair of chopsticks.

“Oh, I’m just trying to write a letter,” he sounds unbothered, but the young Beifong understands.

She eyes the blank parchment pushed off to the side.

"What was the last thing she wrote?"

"Meelo turned eleven the other day," he answers easily, remembering that letter was read five times over in an attempt to conjure a response.

It wasn't even that her letters were poorly written or empty. Despite the fact that she may not have written nearly as often as before, there were definitely still traces of her heart in every piece of parchment sent his way. Her words were still punctuated with a love that just made him miss her more.

They had just been growing...a little distant.

He hated to admit it, but it was just a feeling not quite explainable, when sometimes there was just nothing else to say. And so sometimes he didn't respond at all.

It was unintentional, of course.

"Eleven, huh?” Opal breaks the silence, “I wonder how tall he’s gotten.”

"He's up to her shoulders now."

“Hmmm, well why don't you ask her how all the training is going?”

“I’ve already asked her,” he says, half of his mouth full, “in like every other letter I’ve sent in the last few weeks. Training is great, that doesn’t really change.”

"Training is going great, huh?" she laughs, an attempt to lighten the mood. “That’s not what I remember.”

Kai let out an amused sigh, "it's probably only fun if you're running it."

They recall the training they had to endure before graduating onto traveling the world. To say that it was smooth sailing all the time was quite a stretch. Opal makes a sound of understanding, before swallowing to speak again.

“I’d love to run training with some new airbenders. Doesn’t that sound fun? You always loved showing everyone up at the obstacle course.”

“What?” he feigns modesty, “Please, Opal, you flatter me.”

She chuckles, content with managing to uplift his mood a little. “When do you think you’ll get your tattoos?”

“Oof, I’m not sure,” he answers honestly, twirling a finger to blow air on the hot food. “I think I still have a few techniques to perfect. Master Tenzin isn’t gonna let me off easy just because I showed potential in the beginning. And Jinora says I still have a lot to work on spiritually.”

"You practice though, right?”

Kai waves a hand dismissively, "yeah, when she leads meditation exercises."

“Hah, well I think if you spent more time focusing on meditating instead of staring at her all the time, you’d get more done.”

“Whatever,” Kai blushes, smiling, and hides his face into his food. “Anyway, it can’t be easy teaching that stuff.”

“Maybe she doesn’t want to bother you with the stressful parts,” Opal suggests, though it seemed to do more harm than help when her friend makes a sound resembling a scoff.

He recalls the picture perfect image of his girlfriend in his head, a little hazy now, perhaps from the distance. She was always so strong and responsible, it’s definitely easy for someone from the outside to assume Jinora doesn’t bother people with her struggles. But that wasn’t true for him. Around him, her walls crumble. In the beginning it chipped away slowly before tumbling all at once, and there stood Jinora in her rawest, purest form. To an outsider, Jinora was an incredibly talented master airbender fully capable of taking on the same responsibilities her grandfather shouldered in his late days. To Kai, she was a bundle of insecurities densely packed into a fifteen year old girl that, air nation responsibilities aside, just wanted to spend time with her boyfriend.

“She always tells me when something is bothering her.”

Kai sighs into his food before taking another defeated mouthful.

“Letters are tricky,” she watches, amused, as he idly sat there stirring his food around. The last bite is still stuck in his cheek making him look like a distressed squirrel.

“I just miss talking to her. And I mean really talking to her, not this awkward small talk over letters.” He waves his hand through the air lazily, hoping that the movement conveys his frustrations properly.

“So you prefer some good ol’ quality time,” Opal states easily, shifting in her seat. “Nothing wrong with that.”

She earns a smile from her friend, “Yeah, I guess not.”

“Hmm...oh! Can’t she talk to you with her spirit?” Kai stiffens at the suggestion, and she immediately recognizes that she struck a nerve.

“She’s busy, I think.”

“You think?”

A pause.

“I don’t know. Maybe we’ve just felt really disconnected lately.”

He recalls the first time she found him through this connection of theirs since he had left Air Temple Island. It was incredibly relieving to finally get to speak to her and see her face. They talked for hours that night, and he can still remember how badly he wanted to reach out and kiss her. It would have been so easy to, really. To simply reach out and cup her jaw, inching closer until they met in the middle and Jinora would promptly forget what she was going on about. His lips had tingled at the thought.

But he remembers her smile, so alluring and contagious, and not having seen it for months was such a sight for sore eyes. The young airbender’s radiance was simply too distracting to be thinking of anything else. She had finished telling him something, fully aware that at this point he was just looking at her lips with much longing. Jinora must have understood where his train of thought was heading, because the soft laugh at his smitten expression served as the cruel reminder that no matter how much he wanted to or how hard he manifested it, he couldn’t actually just reach out and get what he wanted.

Really, it seemed like that was the only setback to this method of communication.

But he remembers another time she contacted him like this, and told him that her father says she should refrain from abusing this ability for worldly purposes. And above all else, Kai could only remember the sinking feeling of disappointment curdling in his stomach only seconds after she had told him. But this was Jinora, and she had responsibilities. The next few spiritual visits, much to his displeasure, were much shorter. She surprised him, however, as she continued to seek out his presence. Perhaps there was a thrill to the idea of ‘hurry before my father finds out’ that they both seemed to feed off of, but Kai could tell that she was incredibly torn between him and her integrity.

The very thought of Kai being the reason she willingly goes against her very essence: obedient, honorable, and understanding, is painful in itself. And every time she would bid him goodbye and her figure would dissolve into thin air, he was always rudely reminded of how cold and empty these hotel rooms really were.

So he tells her this.

And he watches as the bright smile on her face leaves so quickly and yet so slowly when he says with carefully chosen words, “Maybe we should just stick to writing letters and phone calls.”

At the time, Kai was so sure this was the best course of action, considering this selfless act was supposed to encourage her to focus on her work and not practice defiance. It made sense to remove himself from that equation to preserve her integrity, but at the end of the day it really wasn’t making him feel better at all.

Jinora pauses for a moment, processing his suggestion.

“Right,” she concedes easily, breaking eye contact, “I should go, then. It’s getting late.”

"What?” he blinks, “Why?"

Jinora hesitates, and it feels like she might be giving him a chance to protest and take it back.

He doesn't.

"You're right, and it's late. You should get some rest."

Kai’s heart is in his stomach and he feels every muscle in his body contract painfully as he tries not to panic and do something stupid, like beg her not to leave him. If silence wins this round, then he has no idea when they'll be able to talk again.

Kai seems to find it incredibly difficult to breathe, and he curses his own element for leaving him at a time like this.

“Yeah,” he breathes, unsure of what else to say; his vocal chords seem to be on autopilot. He swallows thickly, feeling his throat click.

What he doesn’t realize is that Jinora had seemed to take this as rejection, her eyebrows meeting ever so slightly as she bites out, “I’ll write to you then.”

“Of course.”

“Good night.”

It’s only when her form flickers a few times before disappearing completely that he snaps back to his senses, her name leaving his throat in a sort of panic. When the light of her spirit is replaced by the darkness of the room again he realizes he’s on his knees, chest heavy.

He doesn’t get a letter for a week and a half.

Opal watches her younger friend marinate in his feelings for a minute before she adds, “I’m sure she misses talking to you too, Kai.”

“But it’s not just that,” he replies, fully aware that she might have just broken the dam that was holding all his feelings together. “I miss spending time with her too. Sometimes we would just sit in silence under her favorite tree while she read a book, or- or whatever. Nothing mattered. Arguments didn’t matter, problems didn’t matter; we knew we could work through anything as long as we were- as long as we were together.

I told her we’d be okay. I told her...ugh, I told her I would understand when she got busier and needed to focus on work, but now I feel like it’s my fault this isn’t working because I’m starting to get a little impatient. This whole thing is just so...so-”

“I know,” Opal responds, stern, but full of understanding when he can’t seem to find the rest of that sentence. "Long distance isn't easy, Kai. I understand."

She offers a bright smile and it seems to get through to him as he visibly relaxes from feeling validated.

"Oh, right."

"Communication is a two way street though," the older Airbender continues, and his stomach twists at the reminder of this recent rift in the relationship that targeted one of the things he thought they had mastered. "Maybe you just need to have a heart to heart conversation in person.”

Now part of Kai craved this solution. The part of him that understood that relationships require effort and craved her understanding. Perhaps a little communication was all they needed to clear the air, but the irrational side of him whispered a little louder in his ear, and turned him to believe that there was a chance that kind of conversation could end this relationship.

He finds himself back at Air Temple Island a week after his talk with Opal, hoping to get to talk to her in between debriefing and work related affairs.

When she sees him in all his cheesy glory (a panda lily in one hand and her favorite tart from the city in the other), it’s incredibly hard not to swoon in front of her pupils in training. Her expression of excitement and the surprise in her tone made it impossible to remember, for a second, that there ever was any tension between them.

Then he remembers the group of airbenders she was in the middle of training, as all eyes were on them, and he promises to meet her in their usual spot that night.

“Hey stranger,” she greets, settling in beside him under the tree. The proximity immediately brought waves of relief and an unmistakable love that they were both awfully aware had been missing for a while.

“You’re late,” he teases.

“No, you’re just early,” she jokes, worming her way underneath his arm and up against his side like it was just where she belonged. “What brings you here on this fine evening?”

“You,” he answers, unable to fight a stupid cheeky smile.

She laughs, and he decides easily that he missed every part of her. "Charming. How have you been?”

“Alright, I guess. Lots of traveling, it gets a little exhausting sometimes.”

“I bet.” Jinora reaches up to play with a stray long fringe of hair that fell to his nose. “Sounds like you’ve been working a lot.”

“It's alright, just a lot to do. If it's not the heavy lifting it's some sort of civilian related crisis. Being on call is pretty taxing."

“Yeah, tell me about it,” she thumps the back of her head against his collarbone as she speaks, “as the only other master here- for now of course- there's so much on my plate. Even if it's split between me and my dad. Sometimes it’s hard to sleep with all the stress.”

"Sounds like you're doing great though," he brushes some hair from her face in return.

"Probably," she grins, and he chuckles.

"So humble."

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I love it! There’s so much to teach these new airbenders and we’re still getting new recruits here and there. I wish I had more time to goof off, like before.”

“Yeah that’d be nice, wouldn’t it?” it's hard to miss the change in his tone, but when she looks up, he's greeted by a warm smile. It was almost impossible to stay in a gloomy mood when Jinora and all her sunshine energy always found the good in situations.

Maybe that’s all he needed.

Jinora too feels warmth blooming in her chest when his eyes find hers.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

There's a comfortable silence that sits with them. A frog croaks nearby, but it's otherwise quiet. It could have been ten or thirty minutes before Jinora finds herself nodding off to sleep, half of her face smushed comfortably against his chest.

Hard to sleep, huh? He chuckles softly at her form. Maybe this was all she needed. Maybe this was all they needed.

Despite her shallow slumber, she notices the way he's fidgeting with the hem of her sleeve and interlocks their fingers to put a stop to the nervous habit.

“Is something bothering you?” Jinora asks, her voice now groggy.

“No, I…” he thinks about it for a second and realizes lying about this wouldn’t solve anything. “I don’t know, Jin, maybe,” he answers truthfully, passively. He only realizes he let the truth slip when her eyes are suddenly on him.

Jinora sits up slowly and faces him, bright and curious eyes prompting him to finish the thought wordlessly. “This just sucks sometimes, that’s all. Being away from you, like, all the time.”

"Then," she hesitates, aware of how selfish what comes next might sound, "come visit more."

He sighs and watches his own hand play with hers. "It's not that easy. Traveling is tiring, in between all of the work I'm assigned."

"Okay, well, what if you came by every time Republic City is on the way?"

"What?” Kai looks down at her, his eyebrows furrowing together in confusion, “No, it's the same thing, Jinora. The point is to travel as least as possible. Why don't you just talk to me more?"

"What?"

Well, he’s in over his head now, there really is no backing away from what they’ve started. He braces himself, explaining tentatively, “You just…I feel like you haven’t really been trying to keep contact as much...anymore.” Kai desperately hopes she can’t hear the slam of his heart against his chest.

Jinora seems taken aback at this accusation and lifts her eyebrows at him, equal parts bewilderment and confusion. She says the only thing her own aching heart could remember, “You’re the one who said I should stop trying to contact you with my spirit.”

"No, your dad said that. You and I both know it was for the best."

"You don't always write back either, Kai. I just assume you're busy, and that isn’t really fun for me either.”

“I just don’t know what to say sometimes, Jinora,” he confesses easily, exasperated. Kai retracts his hand from hers to run it stressfully through his hair, and it takes all her self control not to protest. The distressed teen takes a long, deep breath before continuing. “You’re also busy. Sometimes I feel like I’m just bothering you with my small talk.”

"Me too," her gaze is hard and challenging. He considers surrender for a second.

“You’re not bothering me,” Jinora says easily, tone softening. “I don’t need to have long, deep talks with you all the time. Sometimes, just...this, is really nice. This is enough.”

“I know,” Kai sighs, “but we can’t always have this.”

“Then I don’t know,” the young master breaks eye contact. “It's just been a lot to handle lately.” Her posture straightens and she suddenly feels miles farther from him.

'Is this too much to handle then?' he wants to ask, but the fear of any possible confirmation has a solid death grip on his throat, so he says nothing. Jinora continues.

"I can't just call you when I don't actually know where you're stationed. I figured you knew that."

“So it’s my fault?” he asks, suddenly painfully aware of how defensive and childish he may sound. For a second, he doesn’t care, frustration now at a high.

Guilt hits him for a second, and he almost doesn’t want to acknowledge it. Isn't this what he wanted to begin with? He wanted a face to face conversation. He wanted to be close to her, to hold her, to properly hear her voice again. Kai knew that he wanted a deep conversation to make up for the painful small talk they’ve been having for too long, but now that she's pouring her frustrations out, he doesn't seem to be catching them very well.

“I never said that!” she mirrors this spike in energy. The guilt is put on hold. “I’m just saying-”

"Okay, so how is me compromising even more on my side fair?"

"I don't think you want to start a conversation about what's fair."

"Why not? I'm doing everything I can, running around the world trying to do my job, so that it's easier for you to just stay here and-”

"Stay here?" She looks so taken aback by this, her cool slipping away as quickly as his. "You think I'm just hanging out at home while you do all the dirty work? I am doing everything I can to make your job easier and it...it really sucks, it's so much harder than it needs to be!"

Kai watches quietly as his mentor’s nostrils flare and realizes he doesn't think he's ever really seen her angry at him before. Last time he saw her raise her voice was at her dad regarding the whole master tattoos situation four years ago.

He wants to choose his next words carefully, aware that he might be walking on thin ice.

But there’s something endearing about the way she looks when she’s upset with him. Like the pout that decorates her usually bright features was just begging to be kissed away, and her seemingly distant posture is asking to be held close.

“Why are you smiling?” she asks, obviously trying to fight getting infected by his contagious smile.

Kai reaches up tentatively, encouraged when she allows the contact. He tilts her face upward and taps the underside of her chin once, charming her instantly with that stupid signature grin of his. “You’re adorable when you’re angry.”

Jinora, now flustered, swats his hand away playfully.

"What’s harder than it needs to be?” he asks gently, delighted and relaxed when she lets him hold her hand again.

"That I just miss you. A lot. All the time."

Her eyes find him in the dim light, and it’s clear how brightly they shine in all her passion and emotion. The urge to lean in and kiss her was strong. It would be an easy temporary fix, Kai ponders. She misses him and he misses her, at least that fact was reinstated and it wasn’t an entirely unproductive conversation. He could kiss her goodnight, and it would be in the past. But still, the question of ‘what now’ still lingered, and alas, Kai knew this needed to be solved now.

“So, what then?” he resigns, sitting up to match her, allowing an entire wall of tension to build itself between the thirty centimeters between them, a growing chasm of adolescent feelings and assumptions.

"I don't know," she admits, and it seems more frustrating than it should be. She's Jinora, she always knows. "It's getting harder to balance everything in my life, and it just feels like you’re telling me that I’m not doing enough.”

“I never said that," he retreats, unable to deny that maybe he might have selfishly made it seem that way to her. "I just can’t seem to communicate with you well enough anymore.”

Jinora thinks about the time she had talked to Korra about why it didn’t work out between her and Mako, and the thought of her own relationship’s demise having the same cause shot fear up and down her spine. More than anything, all Jinora wanted to do was resume her rightful place beside him and stargaze in blissful ignorance.

Except now the night sky felt hot, or maybe it was just her that was feeling incredibly heated.

“I love you," she says softly, the way she looks at the ground makes her miss the look on his face when he’s taken aback for a second. “But we can’t just keep goofing off and putting feelings first...and expecting things to be fixed only when I get to see you.”

“You know how I feel about you, is it not enough?” she seemed to say with her eyes.

Her unspoken words seemed to clash with his own, “It really took you five years to outgrow me, huh?”

“Maybe this,” he gestures to the space between them instead, which now felt like a ravine, “this just isn’t…”

He knows it’s a last resort, because he’s just not sure how to deal with these things or his feelings regarding them, because it’s the first time in a long time he was faced with losing something he genuinely cared about. Maybe it’s wrong to file an empty threat, but the child inside him hopes she will deny this vehemently and everything can just go back to normal.

Nevermind the fact that it was selfish and irresponsible. Nevermind the fact that she looked like maybe she was on the brink of tears too.

Dejected, and out of things to say, Kai licks his lips and lets out a defeated sigh. Jinora watches him with wet eyes, her own panic building up behind the dam she so meticulously built.

Jinora, unsure of how to handle this either, (fifteen and an airbending master, but an overwhelmed teenager on the verge of heartbreak nonetheless), does what comes naturally to an airbender, and disengages gracefully.

“You have to be up early tomorrow,” she tells him through the panic, and he searches her words and her eyes for any hint of emotion to mirror the pain that's threatening at his heart.

“Okay,” he hopes she didn’t just hear his voice crack. “We’ll talk tomorrow?”

“Yeah," she keeps her eyes on the ground between them. "We'll talk tomorrow."

Kai moves to get up hesitantly but she stops him: grabs him by the hand and he feels the frantic nature of her actions. He understands her panic- she tells him with just one look- and when he sits back down she assumes her spot in his side.

He’s not sure if it took her twenty minutes or two hours to fall asleep beside him. But the way they clung to each other spoke volumes of how neither of them wanted to let go. In the time that she was dozing off he had enough time to contemplate what comes next, but the cycle of his thoughts seemed inconclusive.

It was refreshing to deal with this in person, yes, because it was easier to understand the mess of emotions this way. But instead of feeling like they can handle anything else that comes their way after this, Kai is left dreading the time he’d have to spend away from her again and the tension that it brings.

“Jinora,�� he calls to her quietly, already apprehensive of what has to happen. She stirs slightly. “Let’s go, you can’t fall asleep out here.”

Reluctantly, they walk back to her room. The silence was both comforting and off-putting.

Half asleep, Jinora turns around to bid him good night when they reach her door, and Kai takes a mental picture of this for the road: the love of his life, blissfully unaware of anything but him, eyes half lidded, the soft light of her room behind her inviting him in.

He leans in to kiss her gingerly, resolving to let future Kai and future Jinora deal with this tomorrow.

She pulls him closer by the collar, an apology on her lips that he doesn’t need to hear to understand, and he returns the gesture.

It leaves a growing, comforting heat in his stomach and burns an important question within:

Was this a break up after all?

If anything, the next morning weighed much heavier on both of their hearts. His one knapsack in hand ready to go, Kai sighs and turns around to face her.

“Did you sleep?” she asks, frowning at the dark circles under his eyes.

“Not much,” he says truthfully, and notices she looks just as tired. “Did you?”

“No,” Jinora confesses, playfully jabbing at his chest. “You woke me up.”

He wonders for a second if she would have slept soundly, had they stayed outside together. The thought gets dismissed easily.

“Where are you headed?” She asks, and she watches him fidget with the bag in his hand. Her own hands itch to reach out to him, to pull him close and selfishly keep him here.

“I’m not sure. I was supposed to talk to your dad about it but he was in a meeting this morning.”

Jinora responds with a simple, “oh,” and she wonders if it was still possible to undo all the damage.

“Last chance to tell me not to go,” he looks down at her surprised expression, tired eyes wondering if she really could see past this lame attempt to disguise the pain with humor.

It was half a joke, half lame attempt at trying to confirm if they split up or not.

"It's a little late for that." She watches as a familiar look of pain wriggles into his expression very subtly, in a way only he can disguise but only she can decipher. Jinora’s mouth twitches into a bitter smile, humoring him. “Don’t go," she says softly, her tone matching his.

He doesn't expect the joke to have such an effect on him. So in a panic he plays along.

“Alas, it’s too late m’lady.” he staggers backward slightly, hand over his heart like one of those chumps in her favorite fictional novels. She giggles, and he thinks perhaps he can at least engrave the sound in his mind for the road. Who knows how long he can hold out without the sound of her voice. “Duty calls,” he says, half joking, half biting.

And then she grabs his hand, turning the air into a more serious one once again. “Kai...I-”

“Okay, Kai!” Ikki’s voice cuts through like a knife out of nowhere. “Daddy says your next assignment is in-- oh...uh…”

“Ikki…” Her sister’s scowl seems to be enough to scare her away. They look down at their hands and suddenly the younger sibling understands what's happening.

He squeezes her hand back, bringing her attention back to him. “I’m sorry,” he says simply, certain that she understands exactly what he’s apologizing for, because maybe he’s not so sure anymore himself.

Thoughts in his head are running a hundred miles per hour as he leans in to kiss her goodbye out of pure muscle memory. But her wide eyes and hesitation served as a heavy reminder of their conversation last night and perhaps the final confirmation he was looking for.

It's the exact moment his heart breaks-- shatters, and he wonders if she can hear it too. The weight of her actions causes him to stumble a bit, and instead he switches directions to place an innocent kiss on her cheek, aware of her entire family now in proximity.

And as he steps back tentatively to leave indefinitely this time, she lets go of his hand.

Hiraeth settles in quickly and lingers far longer than Kai wants it to. Far longer than Jinora expects it to. And now that this distance feels so much worse than it ever has, they both wonder if it was really that bad before.

He avoids returning to Air Temple Island, fully aware that there is always a ninety nine percent chance she’d be there. Instead, he sends letters and telegrams to Tenzin regarding work, but always finds a quick witted excuse to avoid an in person visit (because if nothing else, he’s good at weaseling his way out of things, right?).

But with this active avoidance comes the grief of letting go of this home that filled a huge void in his life. The hospitality he received as a new member of the air nation family was incredibly cathartic, making it more and more difficult to remember what it felt like to be alone on the streets by himself. For the first time in his life, he felt loved and accepted enough to change his ways. And now the mere thought of returning to the very place that molded him toward the best version of himself made Kai’s stomach twist up in indecipherable knots.

Instead, Kai thinks maybe he should finally really take this airbending master thing seriously and work a little harder toward those tattoos. There really was no better time than post-heartbreak to focus on his spiritual growth, emotions now thrown into the void. Nevertheless, he wishes he had the luxury of being home. Of being comfortable, and surrounded by loved ones and familiar faces in the midst of stressful work.

Jinora, meanwhile, focuses on training the rest of the airbenders and stays rooted in the Island, with a small hope that maybe he would return eventually.

The first few weeks were the hardest for the late Avatar’s granddaughter.

There was a window of time in which perhaps she could expect a call or a letter saying everything was fine. But the longer she waited, the more it hurt to know that it wouldn’t come. Nevermind the small speck of hope that lingered, unsolicited. It was during a particularly difficult meditation session that she decided perhaps it was time to let that hope go.

Despite the distance and space she was given (to heal, in theory), it was more frustrating than anything to know she couldn't reach out to him even if she wanted to.

She envied his freedom, the luxury of keeping busy in new towns and meeting new people instead of being constantly reminded of their past everywhere she looked. His ghost seemed to haunt the island, eliciting some longing even she couldn’t dispel with meditation.

This was her home, the physical location in which she had grown up. Here, her family resided and now the extension of it too. So why did she feel like a large undeniable part of her heart, her home, wasn't here?

It takes Jinora almost a year to decide that perhaps this pain should have left by now. That maybe it wasn’t just a brief period of grief that would eventually pass. Maybe the connection Korra mentioned between them ages ago was more than they cared to believe at the time. Jinora would be lying if she said she hadn’t tried to project her spirit to him within the last year. Sometimes the longing was so strong, she let the best of the urge get to her. It was always to no avail, however, considering they hadn’t spoken in a while.

It’s on a particularly overwhelming day of work when Jinora hears the phone’s incessant ringing. When her father’s voice sounds from downstairs for her to take the call, she almost wants to smash the telephone.

“Hello?”

There’s a long pause from the other side, but before she can repeat herself, his voice startles her. “Jinora?”

She physically feels her heart drop seven levels into her stomach, and she wonders if he’ll buy it if she says it’s Ikki speaking.

“Kai,” she says his name, just as she had last said a year ago.

“Hey,” he chuckles nervously. “Sorry, I was expecting your dad.”

“Oh,” she lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. “Uh, I can go get him-”

“No, it’s...it’s ok, I just…” he trails off, unable to tell her that this was actually a pleasant surprise. “I was just calling to report in.”

“Okay,” she bites her lip, fully aware that she looks like a flustered schoolgirl with the phone in her hands as if her life depended on it. “Shoot.”

“Right, well uh, there were some bad guys the other day. The usual. I mean not really the usual, it’s-it’s a safe town. Supposed to be safe, err, you know with us there. Ugh…"

She tries not to laugh at his fumbling, but ultimately fails.

"Don't laugh!" he says, almost whiny, but she can hear the smile in his voice and it makes her feel inexplicably happy. "I'm usually more professional than this!"

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, it's easier talking to your dad."

"It's easier talking to my dad," she repeats to make sure he hears how ridiculous that sounds, "really."

"Yes! Or, I don't know! Sorry, I just, argh…"

"Kai, relax, it's just me," she reminds him, feeling a wave of warmth from the familiarity. Hopefully he feels it too.

He pauses, unsure, but then it clicks.

"Right, yeah," and suddenly the nervous panic in his stomach is easily replaced with the familiar feeling, "it's just you."

She gives him a moment to recompose himself. How considerate, he muses, no wonder he's still smitten.

“So bad guys."

And then he launches into a story, far more comfortably than if he had to report to Tenzin. The conversation takes detour after detour, and it must have been forty minutes or so when Ikki intrudes.

“Who are you on the phone with? Dad’s asking. And mom wants to know when you’re coming down for dinner.”

Jinora’s attention is then split in half, waving her sister’s inquiries off.

“What? I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Ikki teases, cocking her head to feign confusion like the menace she is as she watches her sister mouth words demanding her to leave. She faintly hears the sound of a boy on the phone and her smirk grows tenfold.

“Jinora, stop trying to shoo me away, I know Kai’s on the line, but-” but she’s cut off when her sister shoves her out the door gracefully with a small gust of air. Ikki looks absolutely offended.

“Okay, whatever,” the younger sister shrugs, “you can tell mom and dad I tried.”

“Why are you still up anyway, it’s late!” Jinora calls out to her sister as she closes the door, and it slips her mind that she was also speaking into the phone.

“Oh, uh, yeah...sorry,” she hears him suddenly sound apprehensive. “I guess it is.”

“What?" Panic surges through her quickly. "Oh, no...I-”

“No, it’s okay, you’re right, it’s late.”

“I was talking to Ikki, I-”

“Oh, I didn’t-”

“Yeah.”

The silence that follows is full of awkward remorse for how the nice conversation was soiled so clumsily on both sides. Kai almost wants to laugh.

“Okay, well,” he is the first to break the silence, his voice cracking a little. She tries not to laugh. “It’s late, you should really get some rest.”

“Right, you too.”

A few seconds pass, but neither of them hang up.

“Sorry I called so late-”

“No no, it’s fine!” she blurts, and he tries to stop the smile. “It was nice talking to you.”

She hears him smile through the phone. “Yeah, likewise. Good night, Jin,” and her heart flutters at the nickname she hadn’t heard in a year. Jinora bites her lip hard and hopes he can’t hear the smile in her voice.

“Good night, Kai.”

It's frustrating.

Two months after that accidental phone call and he still feels a smile sneak its way onto his lips whenever it comes to mind. But nothing else really came from it -- not another letter or call or spirit-y visit -- and he wonders if he should just assume that was some form of closure and move on.

Kai understands that blowing off some steam is a little harder for an airbender that can’t just be picking fights wherever they see fit. So the next best outlet is playing vigilante, he reasons, as he crouches atop a billboard sign and eyes a shady looking fellow following a nobleman.

It reminds him a little- or a lot- of his past. It looked pathetic, prompting him to unpack that mess, and for a second the urge to assist this heist flared in his gut.

Kai loses his balance and falls backward from the intrusive thought, rattling the metal of the billboard frame and subsequently catching the attention of the thief. The eye contact shot panic up his spine as they both fled the scene immediately. Only once it was quiet again did he catch his breath and realize perhaps it wasn’t the running that winded him.

The young airbender settles in his room at the inn, exhausted and irritable. He opens a fortune cookie from some takeout he picked up along the way. It says some whimsical nonsense about soulmates and connected feelings, rambling about how if you think about someone a lot it’s probably a mutual thing.

“Whatever,” he throws it off to the side.

He had no idea who he was without any of the comfort he had associated with his new home with the Air Nation, without Jinora.

The time and space within the last year did a fine job of helping him understand exactly what she meant to him.

Before she came along he barely had anything. A name, yes, but that was it. Harmonic convergence gave his life a purpose, but she gave it meaning -- something to fight for. And now the line between those three things is blurred and he’s not so sure anymore what he’s fighting for.

Kai misses home. Not the place he was born, or the foster home that had tried to adopt him as a kid, but the island: every nook and cranny he had spent years exploring with his best friend. He misses the simplicity of the time, when they had more time together waiting for Korra’s return. He misses the way Tenzin would send a warning glare in his direction every time it looked like he was getting a little too friendly with his daughter.

A small part of him misses the past; the only thing he seemed to take with it anymore was the airbending. Which really, was a blessing! But if he cares to admit it, he might miss the thrill of being a carefree thief. And after the incident, it’s clear that returning to that life is just not an option anymore. The idea isn’t even appealing, but nostalgia has a way of grabbing people ruthlessly by the throat and launching them into a time where they thought they were happier.

He misses the days when training was far easier and he was ahead; these days the spiritual training was so much harder than being able to finish the obstacle course in record time, and now he constantly thought he was falling behind. He misses Korra and Mako and Bolin and Master Tenzin and Opal.

He misses Jinora the most, and considers calling the island again and hoping she’ll pick up like last time.

One year was definitely enough time to be alone with his thoughts and deal with everything on his own. He wonders if she would welcome him back with open arms. The fact that this whole dilemma might have created a scar that would be hard to mend fueled the hesitation.

The young airbender sighs, resigning to meditation.

But it seems more difficult to concentrate today, despite the silence that surrounds him. His mind insists on drifting to Jinora, and he wonders briefly if Tenzin would hand the phone over to her if he asked nicely.

But what would he even say?

Before he can consider it any further, out of nowhere in the center of his room, Jinora’s spirit materializes and scares the absolute shit out of him.

“Jinora?” the way her name slips out of his mouth unintended has him wondering how long they really were apart.

“Hi.”

“What are you…” then he shifts gears, asking instead what he’s wanted to know forever. “Where are you?”

“I’m at the Southern Water Tribe, visiting my grandmother,” she answers easily, and it’s like they never broke up at all.

"How are you…” he hesitates, but asks honestly, “How did you find me?”

She looks flustered, though it’s hard to tell without the signature pink that adorns her cheeks whenever she blushes. “Did you not want me to?”

“No no! That’s not it. You just haven’t done this in a while." He chuckles nervously, but he's happy nonetheless. "Guess I just wasn't expecting it."

“I know. I guess I just felt really connected to you tonight.”

The sudden spike in his ego made this a lot easier. “Missed me that much, huh?”

She looks like she wants to punch him in the shoulder.

“You must have missed me just as much.”

“I did,” he says easily, reveling in the way she breaks eye contact, blushing, to recompose herself. “I mean, I do.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Look-”

“Listen,”

“Oh, sorry,” he sits up.

“No, it’s ok, you go first.”

Kai’s hand shoots up to the back of his neck instinctively, suddenly aware of his own heartbeat. He pauses and shifts directions.

“Are you...still mad at me?”

“What?” the look of genuine surprise catches them both off guard. “I was never angry, Kai. I thought you were.”

“Oh, right,” his face contorts at the memory. “No, Jin, I was just being stupid.”

"Is that why…" the question dies on her tongue, and he raises an eyebrow at her hesitation.

"Is that why what?"

She eyes him tentatively but it doesn't look like he wants to drop it. "Is that why you haven't come back to Air Temple Island? You thought I was angry?"

Embarrassment washes over the young nomad. Of course she thought about this while he was gone. And now he doesn't even have a good reason.

"I...yeah, a little." He confesses. And when she laughs, his face fills with indignation. "What's so funny?"

"Me, mad at you?" She says, as if stating it would make it easier for him to understand how ridiculous it sounds.

"I mean, yeah." Kai looks at her in all seriousness, and Jinora is reminded of how real their relationship was. How much he really saw her for who she was, flaws and all. "I can act like a real ass sometimes. As patient as you are, I know I messed up."

She grants him a look, as if he had just answered a question correctly. "I suppose.”

"What about you? Why did you only decide to contact me now?"

A faint blush adorned her cheeks, despite her figure being translucent. Jinora takes a deep breath. Kai waits patiently.

"When I was younger, I found an injured bird just outside my window. Mom and dad told me I was very generous to have spent a week or so nursing it back to health. When his wings healed, mom told me I had to let him go, because he was ready to see the world again on his own. As selfish as it seemed, I really wanted to keep him; named him and everything.

"Every time you left for an indefinite amount of time, I always wondered if I was just keeping you here with me, like I did with the bird. If you wanted freedom, I knew I couldn't really give that to you. So...I just let you go."

"Jinora…" she watches as he seems to be at a loss for words.

She lets him sit in his thoughts for a couple minutes, thankful that the silence was not at all uncomfortable.

When he speaks again, it's not as graceful as he planned. “I guess...I’ve had some time to think about it,” he fumbles, and decides to start from the beginning.

“When you saved me from the earth queen's prison back then, I started seeing you differently. You were like a light in my really fucked up life. And I love that...I love you. I still do."

He revels in the way she blushes at this confession, but ultimately finds himself too flustered to maintain eye contact too.

"But then I got really selfish, and I hurt you because of it." Kai looks down, frustrated with himself, but Jinora knows he still has more to say. So she moves closer and her spirit takes a seat beside him. "I know I can't just keep you all to myself. You're not just the light in my life, but to the world too."

She giggles, delighted at his little speech, "That was corny."

"Yeah, well," he scratches the back of head, half flustered, half proud, "I try."

"Kai," she brings his attention back to her, and remembers how much he loves the way his name sounded from her lips. "I'm sorry you felt that way. I got so caught up in work, I lost sight of other things that were just as important to me."

Kai watches her, enamoured by the way Jinora shyly bites her lip and pours out her heart to him.

"I’m sorry I left. I didn't think it sent that sort of message to you."

She laughs softly, and it illuminates the room. "Yeah, no kidding."

"Ugh, Jinora…" Kai runs both hands down his face, both embarrassed and relieved.

"I've had some time to talk to my grandmother. She told me that Great Uncle Sokka also had a long distance relationship.” The late Avatar’s descendant twirled her thumbs, suddenly looking bashful. “It's never easy."

"It just takes a little work, I guess…I mean," Kai winces at the way he just started speaking without thinking this time.

But there was no turning back now. She waits patiently, but anxiously for his next words. This was it, now or never.

"If you're willing…"

Jinora's eyes widen and her heart skips a beat at the implication written all over his face.

"Of course I am."

And just like before, like nothing had changed, he watches her smile and almost wants to scold himself for how ridiculous and pining he must look wanting to reach out and smother her spirit with affection.

“I hate that I can’t kiss you right now,” he blurts, and Jinora laughs.

“Come home then,” she says, and he doesn’t need to be told twice.

Jinora does welcome him back with open arms, to answer his question. With her arms wrapped tightly around his neck and her entire being so eager to have him back. She smells sweet and familiar and suddenly Kai feels stupid for ever thinking letting this go was the right choice.

He holds her just as tightly, as if to let her know this was real, that he was real. And he feels a thousand pounds lighter when he tells her quietly, lovingly, “I’m home.”

She smiles against his neck, and he doesn’t need to see it to know.

“Welcome home.”

#the legend or korra #legend of korra #lok #tlok #kai #jinora #kainora #kai x jinora #jinora x kai #korra fanfiction #kainora fanfiction #i never know what else to tag my stuff

22 notes · View notes