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naruto-oc-critiques · 7 years

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Uzumaki Sōha

Hi there! I would really love to have my timeline Naruto OC critiqued so I can try and develop him better. Right now, here’s just the first part of his bio. ^^ Hopefully, I can have the second part finished when you guys open submissions again. ^^ Thanks and have a great day! *.*

http://dreamchaser21.deviantart.com/art/Naruto-OC-Soha-Uzumaki-Full-Bio-Part-I-624184850

THIS CHARACTER IS ONLY AN “FAN CHARACTER” FOR THE MANGA / ANIME SERIES, “NARUTO”. HE DOES NOT APPEAR IN THE OFFICIAL MANGA OR ANIME AND HE IS ONLY USED IN FANFICTION AND FANDOM PURPOSES. MAKE SURE YOU READ EVERYTHING, SO YOU WON’T MISS ANY IMPORTANT INFORMATION. Sōha Uzumaki (うずまき・ソウハ, Uzumaki Sōha) is a shinobi from the Village Hidden in the Leaves, a member of Team Hosaki, and a paternal descendant of the Uzumaki Clan. After becoming a resident in the village and learning the truth behind his father’s absence, Sōha makes a vow to find his long-lost father and make his family whole again by becoming a shinobi. In turn, he would go through challenges in his life that would test his mentality and creates bonds with many allies within the village.

:: PERSONAL :: Name: Sōha Uzumaki (うずまき・ソウハ) Birthday: ♓ March 12th [Pisces] Gender: ♂ Male Age: 13-14 [Part I] Status: Alive Height: 147.23 cm (4 ft. 8 in.) - 149.62 cm (4 ft. 9 in.) Weight: 42.2 kg (93 lbs) - 44.5 kg (97 lbs) Blood Type: A Occupation: Shinobi | Waiter [On Call] Affiliation: Konohagakure Team: Team 5 :: RANK :: Ninja Rank: Genin Ninja Registration: #010689 Academy Graduation Age: 13 :: LOYALTY/CLAN :: Uzumaki Clan :: FAMILY :: Kanu Uzumaki [Father - Presumed Deceased] Izumi Uzumaki née Hada [Mother - Jōnin Kunoichi/Botanist] :: NATURE RELEASE :: Water Release (水遁, Suiton) - Affinity :: JUTSU :: Water Release: Azure Sphere Water Release: Bubble Crush Water Release: Pressure Bullets Water Release: Rhapsody Wave Water Release: Waning Moon Flip Uzumaki Trademark Jutsu: Latent Ripples :: TOOLS :: Scrolls :: VOICE ACTOR :: Mitsuki Saiga (JP) Brad Swaile (EN) :: BACKGROUND STORY :: Sōha was born to his parents, Kanu and Izumi Uzumaki on the night of March 12th at a local hospital near the outer borders of an unnamed country. Kanu was a shinobi from the renowned Uzumaki clan and Izumi was a kunoichi who lived in Kusagakure and studied botany for a side-occupation. During the Third Shinobi World War, Kanu had decided to have his wife take their newborn son and leave the country so they can take refuge in another village. Even though Izumi knew that her husband was a powerful shinobi in his own right, she knew that trying to sway him from the continuous fighting would be rather difficult for her to do. Kanu had promised Izumi that he would find her and his son when the war was over. Soon after the declaration, the couple had shared a passionate kiss before departing and Izumi quickly fled the country with her newborn son.

The Third Shinobi War was over before Naruto’s birth, so that can’t be a reason…but you can say instead border skirmishes that were a result of the Third War, or make up regional conflicts.

For a protracted period of time, Izumi and Sōha had traveled to many of the smaller countries and the highly trained kunoichi realized that she wanted her son to have a stable, normal life. After recalling that her unknown country and the Land of Fire were allies, Izumi figured it would best for her and Sōha to become citizens in the Village Hidden in the Leaves. Around this time, Hiruzen Sarutobi was currently reinstated as the Third Hokage and Izumi had to go through the arduous process of obtaining residency there within the village. During that time, Izumi and Sōha were heavily surveillanced and it took nearly six months for the paperwork to be processed and submitted. After the seventh month, Izumi and her son had been successfully approved by the system and the two of them could live peacefully as citizens.

very good! only, did they keep the name ‘Uzumaki’? If they did, were there any complications, did it turn any heads?

Even though Izumi had completed her task of finding a permanent home for her son, growing up was rather difficult for Sōha without his father being around. Not only that, Izumi had to work a part-time job as a botanist and take B-Rank missions in order for her family to have a steady income. Their financial binds wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t great either and it really put a strain on Izumi to carry the financial support on her own. Over the years, things gradually got a little better for Sōha and his mother and at the age of eight, Sōha was enrolled into the Academy and he became friends with Kiba Inuzuka - after helping him find Akamaru when the latter snuck out of class to go to the practice hall (to not practice, of course). At first, Sōha was a bit put off by Kiba’s wild and egotistic behavior, but he slowly grew accustomed to it after hanging around him and he was grateful that he had someone to keep him company. Izumi was happy that her son made a friend and was starting to get accustomed to the village, but after eight years of not hearing anything from her husband, she was losing hope and her heart was breaking with coming to terms that her husband might no longer be alive. Even so, she refused to believed in her own dubiety and prayed for her husband’s return. It was one day when Sōha had came home from the Academy and Izumi was looking through one of her photo albums. Izumi had took one good look at him and she momentarily saw Kanu through her son, resulting in her breaking down crying in front of Sōha. At that point, he didn’t understand what had caused his mother so much pain and Sōha told her that until that day come, he would be the man of the house and protect his mother and her heart until Kanu had returned. Even after so many years, Sōha had never gave up on his father coming home - especially since his mother had told him so many good stories about Kanu’s exploits as a shinobi. Unfortunately, this had caused Sōha to slowly start resenting his father because of his mother having to deal with such an unbearable burden and pain. After making the earlier declaration to protect his mother, Sōha decided to become a shinobi that would put his life on the line to keep the bonds of family intact and protect those closest to him. With Sōha wanting to become the best shinobi, it would come with serious consequences and setbacks. During the last year of his Academy training, Sōha had became stress to the point where his shinobi performance and academics were declining from the result of him trying too hard. This in turn caused him to be retained in the Academy and it would be another year before he was able to graduate. During the Academy graduation ceremony, Sōha had showed up to congratulate Kiba on becoming a genin. Kiba had wondered was he okay about not being able to graduate with his class but Sōha told him that he would be fine. To Sōha, he still had enough time to become a great shinobi just as long as he believed in himself and continued to work hard. After talking for a little while longer, Sōha told Kiba to not get hurt or worse before he could become a genin himself. With that statement, Kiba laughed it off by letting him know that no such thing would happen and he would wish Sōha the best of luck on his extra year of training. :: PERSONALITY ::As a person who lives by his own quote, Sōha is an interesting individual who lives his life to the swaying of the ocean waves, which makes his personality really hard to pin down. He is mysterious and elusive and Sōha’s personality is somewhat molded by different surroundings. Sōha is willing to help another person and put their needs before his own in a heartbeat. He is very compassionate and sensitive and he feels the pain of others, especially if he could relate to them from personal experiences. He may be sensitive, but he isn’t a pushover, either. Sōha also has a bad side and it’s extremely hard to get off if you were to ever anger him in the slightest way. The only way that won’t happen is if you known him long enough to completely understand his personality. He also has an intuitive feeling than most people don’t give him enough credit for. His gut feeling about sensing certain people and corrupted hearts in general has never failed him because his instinct is usually accurate. In battle, Sōha believes in taking down an opponent quickly with or without a plan if they pose a threat. He can predict a person’s thoughts and what their true intentions may lie after a simple bout with them. Deep inside, Sōha struggles with an inner conflict with himself: trying to bring his family back together and feeling as if his motives would never come to fruition. Because of this, sometimes he will seclude himself away from reality as a way to escape that negative feeling. Despite that, Sōha does have great strength and character and he will fight for what he believes in. :: APPEARANCE ::Sōha Uzumaki has short, dark red hair - a common trait from the Uzumaki clan - with a large fringe that covers his left eye, jordy blue eyes, and a pale coral skin complexion. During Part I, he wears a cerulean blue jacket with a light copper hood and matching swirl designs on the short sleeves, a meshed armor undershirt, nero black trousers, and fingerless gloves with the backhand partially exposed. He also dons a licorice grey forehead protector in the traditional fashion and shinobi sandals of the same color with a kunai holster bandaged on his right leg. :: ABILITIES ::Sōha has been praised by his sensei, Hosaki Sekimoto that he has a natural prowess for water ninjutsu. However, with his weakness in speed and seals, he falls short when it comes to executing his jutsus at a timely manner. Despite his lacking skills, his greater strength lies within his taijutsu and stamina. :: Ninjutsu :: Fūinjutsu and Water NinjutsuSōha Uzumaki has a unique fighting style with sealing scrolls and water ninjutsu. He combines these two types of techniques and fights with long range and concentrated attacks. Because of his mediocre skills with performing basic ninjutsu through normal means, this tactic helps him a lot during a battle. Before going on a mission, he would check out and practice different water techniques and seal their abilities in scrolls so they can be ready for use on the battlefield. In Part I, Sōha is only capable of using up to five water ninjutsu techniques that he sealed in scrolls because it consumes a lot of his chakra from constant use. Life Force and Stamina ProwessAs a direct descendant from the Uzumaki clan, Sōha has a powerful life-force and immense longevity, giving him an edge in battle. Because of this, he is able to last longer in battle than most genin his age and can push himself past physical limits with his vitality. A good example of this is that Sōha can use his own life force as a second source of chakra to use proper ninjutsu temporary through his own technique: Latent Ripples. However, using that ability drains his chakra immensely and can result in dreadful consequences.

good that you are thinking of drawbacks! however, the crafting of a technique is generally regarded as something extremely complex and dangerous, and only the best of the best attempts it, because everyone else is busy practicing with what’s already out there. Minato did it because he was at the crux of the shinobi arts. Kakashi did it ‘cause he’s a pompous brat. Maybe Sōha can simply modify an existing technique with the help of his teacher, or simply overpower a technique enough to create his own unique version of it, since he’s an Uzumaki and they do stuff like that.

:: Stats ::

:: PART I :: Adapting To Life in Konoha Around this time, Sōha noticed that his mother was putting in more hours at the botanical gardens. Not liking the idea of his mother working herself to the bone in order to support them, Sōha had decided to to go hunting for a on-call job that he could work in between missions in order to have his own financial support and give his mother some days at home to relax. During the job hunt, Sōha was striking out with some of the local places, but he had his eyes set on working at the Yakiniku Q restaurant. When he was younger, Sōha and his mother were regular customers during the bustling Friday evening crowds and he got to know the owner well after being serviced from him almost every week. After thinking it over, he went to the restaurant to talk to him about a job.

Fortunately, the owner was looking for someone who could do on-call work, but he was afraid that the workload would be too much for such a young man to handle. Of course, this didn’t discourage Sōha to give up on wanting the job and he wanted to prove to the owner that he can indeed juggle between his career as a shinobi and this new opportunity. Moved by the boy’s enthusiasm, he gave Sōha the job of being the new waiter at the Yakiniku Q restaurant. That following afternoon, Sōha had came in for work on his first night and he was nervous about the whole ordeal. When he went to serve his very first table, he had no idea that he would serve his childhood friend, Kiba along with his teammate, Hinata Hyuga.

At first sight, Sōha thought that Hinata was a very pretty girl and even blushed around her, but when he shook her hand, he felt something unusual. He sensed that she was unconsciously harboring detrimental intentions and he couldn’t understand why. Despite his initial thoughts, Sōha considered her to be nice and kind-hearted. Kiba had also brought his classmates, Sakura Haruno and the hyper knucklehead ninja, Naruto Uzumaki. Sōha found it weird for Naruto to have the same last name as his, but he had introduced himself by only his first name to take their order and to avoid an awkward situation that could lead to some uncomfortable questions. After a few moments of Kiba and Sōha catching up and updating each other with what’s being going on in their lives, Sakura had cut in rudely ask for Sōha to take their order, which was something that Sōha didn’t appreciate and he let it be known to her by retorting back in a equally rude manner. Naruto easily got upset at Sōha and demanded that he apologize to her. Sadly, Sōha didn’t apologize to her and called him an idiot for defending someone who didn’t know how to be respectful. This made Naruto even more upset and because he was causing a scene, he had to leave the place. Sakura on the other hand had told Sōha that he you should be more respectful to his customers. But Sōha told her that in order to earn respect, you have to give respect. Kiba didn’t say anything, because he had agreed with him and shared the same values as well. After that little verbal scuffle, it was made clear that Souha was not taken with Sakura Haruno and her attitude. Genin Training Years In the early summer when Sōha had graduated from the Academy, he was assigned on Team 5 with two other shinobi, Heizen Ikutama and Kotomi Niwasaki. Their jōnin sensei would be Hosaki Shikuma, an above average shinobi with a prowess with Fire Ninjutsu. The newly formed team would have to go through a series of tests before actually becoming genin. At first, their camaraderie had caused many failed attempts at trying to complete their first mission – defeating their teacher with a collaboration technique. After several more attempts, the group finally came together as a functional team and completed all the requirements they needed to pass as genin. Since Sōha’s team got a late start in the Academy, they were left with doing various D and C-Rank missions in order to gain training and experience. Normally, genin in training would try to rest during the hottest months in Konoha, but Hosaki only had several months to mold them into capable shinobi. Over the course of training, Hosaki was seeing progress but it was mostly between Heizen and Kotomi. Sōha on the other hand was still struggling with some of the basics, which made him get frustrated easily. Hosaki saw this and decided to help him out by visually explaining to him and his teammates how the basics work. At the last month of training, Hosaki decided to see what affinity that each of them had. Sōha had discovered that he had an affinity for Water Release, which he didn’t like at first and called it a lame element. But after seeing how powerful water can be and how it can act as both an offensive and defensive weapon, Sōha had accepted his new affinity with appreciation and gratitude. Together, the four of them would be a team that specializes in chakra element attacks. After the chakra affinity training, Team 5 would continue to go on more missions and come up with their own jutsu to build up their arsenal for the next three years. It would be a tough run for them, but Hosaki couldn’t be happier for the team that he was assigned with. :: TRIVIA ::• Sōha (蒼波) means “Blue Waves” and it’s a reference to his nature transformation. His family name “Uzumaki” can either mean “whirlpool” or “maelstrom”.

place these in the beginning w/ his name, it’d be clearer for yourself and anyone reading it.

• Sōha’s closest friend is Kiba Inuzuka, one of the members of Konoha 12. • When meeting someone new, he never introduces himself by his full name on account of not wanting his heritage of the Uzumaki clan being known throughout the village – especially around Naruto Uzumaki since they both share the same surname and not wanting to bring about complications and awkward questions. • Sōha has a soft spot for animals, especially reptiles in general. This is evident whenever he’s around Akamaru and even gives him homemade dog treats from time to time. • According to the databook(s): • Sōha’s hobbies are playing waboba and swimming. • Sōha’s wishes to fight the underdogs of Konoha: his close friend, Kiba Inuzuka and Naruto Uzumaki. • Sōha’s favorite foods are Nikujaga, Korokke, and Tonjiru Soup while his least favorite food is Ikura. • He has completed 42 missions in total: 24 D-Rank, 17 C-Rank, 1 B-Rank, 0 A-Rank, and 0 S-Rank. • Sōha’s favorite phrase is “The ground becomes firm after rain!” (雨降って地固まる, Ame futte ji katamaru!) which refers to ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’, or ‘adversity builds character’ and his favorite word is “respect” (尊重, sonchō).

:: QUOTES ::

• (To his mother, Izumi) “Don’t worry, Mother. I’ll become a proud shinobi and bring Dad back for you. I promise that we’ll be a family again.” • (To Heizen about his lifestyle) “How can you possibly understand? How can the son of a wealthy family possibly understand someone who struggled financially all their life!? That kind of hardship is not something glamorous, you know!” • (To Hosaki about his nature transformation) “Water Release? I’m the strongest out the three of us and I get the weakest element? Fate is being a real bitch to me right about now.” • (To Kiba) “You may be a wild, dog-loving shinobi, but I couldn’t have asked for a better friend than you. Thanks for always being there for me…” • (To Naruto about respect) “I’m pretty sure that you know this already, but in order to get respect, you have to give it. Plain and simple.”

In general, this is a well-fleshed out character. he has great motivation and drive, and his backstory and his involvement with canon characters are all well-thought out.

I suggest you look into writing a list of his likes, dislikes, favorites, personality traits, just for yourself. Right now, he is still feeling somewhat hollow, because I can’t help but think there’s more to him, and wonder how he fares under the kind of traumatic conditions of the world’s cruelty. What does he think of shinobi as tools? What does he think of himself, as such a tool?

Plot-wise, since you’re already writing him as existing somewhat parallel to the main plot of Naruto, write more of it. The coming-of-age story with him setting off to find his father is going to unearth more of Sōha as a character. It will also give credibility to his thoughts that his dream will never come to fruition.

Focus more on the relationship between his teammates and him, along with his teacher. How did his teammates affect his growth, did they help, did they hinder him, what did they do, what do they think of each other? Does he like his teammates? etc. And his teacher’s backstory is worth considering, too, since it might affect the way he teaches the kids. What’s their relationship? Basically, cast the net of your cast (haha) wider. One person’s actions can have far-reaching consequences that are interesting to explore!

This is a good start, and I hope you continue working on Sōha! I look forward to the second installment of his adventures!

- mod Ln

#Naruto OC #submission #mod Ln

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