#screw you Arnold

[randgugotur-6]

[sirtadcooper]

No one's past is that unremarkable.

Not unremarkable, just—

[angelickisscs]

wants vs needs ~ blurb‧₊˚

୨ ୧ ˚₊ pairing ~ trent alexander arnold x reader

summary: a breakup leads to sleepless nights and texts from your ex !

THE DIGITAL CLOCK placed next to you boldly boasted it’s numbers, the time making you grown harshly into your pillow. Sleep was all you wanted and yet it was the one thing not your body refused to give to you at this moment in time.

Rolling over into the cold sheets beside you, you repelled back slightly. The low temperature was a shock to your system, no matter how much you had been trying to familiarise yourself to it over the past weeks. The sheets only were getting worse.

You had soon lost count of the number of times you had shoved them angrily into the washing machine, putting it onto the longest cycle you could paired cruelly with the highest temperature as you attempted to wash the lingering scent of him off.

But it soldiered onwards.

Fabrics wore the strong bite of his aftershave, in each strand of cotton or even each crack in the wooden legs, each surface in your apartment was sure to carry the sultry scent that he bathed himself in.

You had always wondered how long it would linger for. Hoping and praying every time he went away for a game that it could stick with you for a couple extra days and yet it never did. Each day it would slowly decay until not a note of it joined your side.

The one time you wanted nothing but for it to leave you however, it found a new way to fail you. It persisted in the way that you could only dread, leaving you no choice but to scroll for replacements for your innocent sofa throughout the empty days. Though at this point, not even that seemed like a helpful enough option.

Every new jumper you had brought to replace his picked it up within a matter of hours, the scent sticking to each hair on your arms as you dragged them over your head.

Slamming down your fist onto the emptiness beside you, nothing was able to replace him. No inanimate object caring for you in the same way he used to. No number of blankets could seem to produce the same amount of warmth as his arms as they wrapped around you, dragging you as close to his body as humanly possible. The memories taunted your mind with no remorse, giving you no break despite your pleads.

1:56

The clock next to you read in mockery, mere minutes having passed since you last checked. You brought your hands up to your head, gripping softly at the strands of hair that you could. Not even the plain white ceiling gave you a well needed break. Far too many times had you lead in the exact same position after an argument with him. Wishing the same thing as you were right in that moment. For him to come back to you.

It was an irresponsible thought, trailing off and away from all the others about the same man. Rouge even. Yet it plagued you every night, screaming at you from afar.

Rain pattered against the window in desolation, that same emotion looming throughout the dense atmosphere around you. It was a flannel, forced to empty out everything it had to a sink that would not accept it. A jumper having been washed one too many times, all softness disintegrating, yet you failed to throw it out, the memories that it held with it being far too important.

Maybe you had gone on your first date with it or even the last. Maybe it was the one you had worn when you snuggled down onto the sofa together for the first time, bickering like two children over what movie to wear.

Though he was quick to give in, claiming a disinterest in the romcom you had opted for. But the questions that tumbled over his lips in annoyance when the male main character screwed up told you a much different story.

The good memories outweighed the bad by far too much. So much so, it left you feeling lost when he sat you down only two rooms away to inform you of the decision he had made. A decision he had made for the both of you but somewhere along the way, he had forgotten to involve you in it.

Your phone buzzing beside you brought you out of your scrambled mind, the unexpected noise giving you quite the fight. Slowly, you reached your hand behind your head, tapping around on the wooden surface as you searched for the object without the usage of your eyes.

It took you a minute, but it was soon in your hands, the bright light taking you a second to get past as it shone luminously in your eyes. Tapping onto the notification without a second thought, it took you a while to process the contact at which you were staring at. The same contact that only this morning you had blocked and unblocked at least five times.

A cascade of swear words fell from your lips once you had read his message. You dragged your bottom lip into your lips, biting down harshly as you thought through your options.

Your mind was telling you not to respond, reasoning with you through the hundreds of movies and tv shows you had watched with the same plotline.

It never ended well.

But it was only a simple you up? text, it probably would go nowhere.

With short, regretful taps, you typed in the first answer that came to mind. why?

Putting your phone back onto the soft duvet you were wrapped in, you slapped yourself on the head in utter disappointment at the little hesitation you felt.

It was a couple minutes later when your phone once again was buzzing beside you. Slowly, you moved your hand from atop of your face, sliding downwards until you felt the texture of your phone case meet with your hand. You flipped over in bed, turning your head into the pillow as you squeezed your eyes closed, your hand retreating so it could join your head.

A scream escaped from your throat, the sound falling flat into the plush object that had to put up with your tears so many times, it was most likely unbothered by this new action added into your streak of dramatics.

When the third buzz in that hour vibrated throughout your body, you had nothing left in you to ignore it. The ideas that filled your mind in what he could say at this hour leaving you no other choice.

I need to see you.

please

“Oh, Trent.” You whispered under your breath, reading the five words repeatedly. To the point where you had engraved them into your brain, the same one that you had betrayed by answering.

Multiple texts, each with a different array of words, filled the bar at the bottom corner of your screen. Yet none got you closer to what you wanted to say. You knew what you wanted; you knew it the minute the first text had appeared on your phone screen. It was not what you needed. You knew that just as well.

The bright light began to burn into your eyes, the tears that were forming from mixing such bright light with the darkness you had plunged yourself into for so many hours, pushing you from an answer even further.

Come over then.

2:31

[hometoursandotherstuff]

Welcome to Villa Barton built in 1993 and remodeled in 2006. The villa is located in Straffan, Co. Kildare, Ireland. It has 5bds, 6ba, and is listed for €4.5M / $4,903,078.50. I don't know how to describe the decor, you just have to see it for yourself.

The tour begins with this very large room lined with wood paneling, and travertine floors.

If you like this carpet, good news, b/c you'll see it again.

Like here, in the sitting room with red walls to match. Note that the bar is quilted in red leather to match the Chesterfield sofas.

Quite a large bar with plenty of space for bottles.

The room also has an ornate fireplace.

This is my favorite room, big, white, and perfect for showing off the best feature of all- the big gold legs screwed into the ceiling.

This is some big dining room. It appears that the carpet is framed by the floor. This table seats 16.

Initially, I thought, what is a kitchen set doing in an office? But, it's the kitchen, which is so large, but so disappointingly sparse. They don't even show the stove or anything.

More hall, more carpet.

This is a very cool home gym. Barbie would love it.

Purple walls with the red carpet wouldn't have been my choice.

I think that this may be the empty wine cellar.

This is one of the bedrooms, and it's quite spacious. Could be a guest room.

The matching en suite has a big jetted tub. Does the floor match the wall? I've never see anything like that.

This palatial white, black & gold bedroom is the primary. You can see that it also has a large sitting room.

It has an en-suite, with that carpet. The shower seems awfully high off the floor.

Wow, look at the office. I've never seen computer screens attached like that. What the listing photos don't show, and I wouldn't expect them to, is the home's safe room, in case of a home invasion.

Look at this patio and garden. It's like in a movie.

The outdoor grounds are stunning.

The bad news is that the nearby golf course was designed by the famous golfer Arnold Palmer, and there is a mandatory yearly service charge and membership fee of €5,244.26 / $5,714.88.

https://www.daft.ie/for-sale/detached-house-villa-barton-1-churchfield-straffan-co-kildare/5723217

[trentslvrr]

omg can you PLS write a trent smut + include the phrase “yeah, take it” AHH IM SCREAMING! ill leave the rest up 2 u xo luv ur work

・❥・trent alexander-arnold, smut (mdni)

take it,

trent and y/n had been dating for a few weeks now, it was going very well so far. they see each other nearly everyday and spend every minute together. they bring out a side in each other they didn’t know they could.

but there was one thing and that was that they had not had sex yet, neither were virgins and it was bound to happen one day. both of them were lowkey hoping that now was the time.

they were sat on trent’s bed, her in his lap as they were innocently making out. it wasn’t anything new to them.

“we need to stop, otherwise i won’t be able to help myself.” he muttered in between kisses, making her smile.

“and what if i don’t want to stop?” she tested him.

“then we don’t have to.” he shook his head, making some of his dreads fall in front of his face.

“then don’t stop.” she almost begged him.

trent connected their lips again, pulling her to the bed, making her lie on her back and putting his weight on top of her.

“you want this?” he asked, his voice muffled as he pressed kisses to her neck.

“so bad, trent.” she breathed.

“me too, baby. just tell me what you want.” he lifts his head to look into her eyes, filled with lust and desire.

“i want you, i want you inside of me.” she begged, pulling at the back of his hair, resulting in a small groan from him.

he rested himself on his knees as he pulled his shirt off, revealing his toned stomach and small happy trail going into his calvin klein boxers.

“take this off.” he tugged at the bottom of her his shirt.

he ripped her shirt off her body and admired her for a while, before dipping his head down and kissing just under her breasts.

“trent please, just fuck me already.” she begged, lifting her back off the bed a bit.

“you sure baby?” trent raised his brows.

“never been so sure about anything.” she grinned, making him smile back at her.

he tugged down on her shorts and panties, shrugging them off and throwing them somewhere in the room.

“you’re so beautiful.” he admired his girlfriend underneath him.

he pulled his shorts down, leaving him in his boxers.

y/n let out a gasp at how big he looked just through his boxers, making him let out a breathy laugh. he grabbed her hand and put hers on his cock through his boxers, “just for you.” he mumbled pressing their lips together.

she pulled at the waist band of his boxers and pulled them down, pulling away from his lips to look at him.

“jesus, trent.” she breathed.

“you’ll be fine, beautiful.” he kissed her as he rubbed his tip up and down her slit.

“please.” she grabbed at his shoulders, begging him to be inside of her already.

he slowly pushed himself in her, making both of them gasp at the unfamiliar yet familiar feeling.

“you okay?” he asked as he pushed himself all the way in, placing kisses on her lips to distract her.

“more than okay.” she mumbled, kissing him back, “move, please.”

he slowly dragged himself out and pushed in again, rocking his hips back and forth slowly at first.

he grunted against her lips at the feeling of her wrapped around him.

“you’re so big.” she breathed out, moaning from the pleasure and a bit of pain at his size.

“yeah? you think you can take it all for me?” he questioned, looking down at himself going in and out of her.

“mhm.” she hummed, before moaning at his change in pace.

he quickened his pace, placing his face in her neck, letting out groans here and there.

“you feel so good around me.” he praised, “take it all for me.” he said before going even faster.

the pace catching her off guard, her mouth dropped open in pleasure as her eyes screwed shut.

“i’m not gonna last much longer, trent.” she moaned.

“i know baby, me too.” he grunted.

“i wanna cum with you.” she lifted his head to look in his eyes.

“yeah?” he raised his eyebrows, as he hit the right spot inside of her.

“yes! there trent, don’t stop please.” she clawed at his back, probably leaving marks.

“i’m gonna cum baby.” he moaned in her ear.

“do it.” she egged him on.

he grunted as he pushed one harsh thrust into her, she moaned at the feeling of him spilling inside of her, edging her to her orgasm.

their chests heaving as they reach their highs together. he collapsed on top of her as she played with his dreads.

“was that good for you?” he asked.

“it was amazing.” she breathed.

he laughed before lifting his head and giving her a kiss.

thank you anon ily <33

[janeaustenbrandysmuggler]

That comma

Or, connections my brain makes when I don't sleep well for over a week because of a cold - read at your own risk :)

"I went to one meeting ten years ago. They were wittering on about the Christmas lights and passed a resolution condemning the improper use of apostrophes on signs in windows." (Mr. Arnold, s2e5)

This line always makes me laugh because I get super twitchy about certain grammar and punctuation errors. But errors happen, and you can usually tell what someone meant vs. what they wrote, so you correct it in your mind based on what you presume they meant and move on because there are bigger things to worry about in the world. Right?

Maybe we shouldn't always be so quick to presume and move on, though. Sometimes, things are supposed to be written a certain way for a reason. That reason is important, so we're taught the right way to write that thing. We all learn how to do it, and it's generally not something we screw up because there are consequences for doing it wrong. Like an address, for example. Addresses tell something or someone where to go. Maybe to a pub called The Resurrectionist - that one's at 66 Goat Gate in Edinburgh, right? It said so on the record that Maggie gave Aziraphale:

The Resurrectionist

66, Goat Gate

Edinburgh

Except - there's this annoying little comma in there that I've been ignoring for months. Right after the 66. Exactly where it shouldn't be - not if you're writing a street address. So I'm going to stop ignoring it and ask a question.

Is this actually a street address? I'm not questioning that the pub is in Edinburgh - that's well-established. It's that middle line - 66, Goat Gate - that I'm not sure of anymore. I'm having trouble making excuses for that comma.

If it isn't a street address, then what is it? I'm not sure, and I don't know if we have all the information to figure it out. My sleep-deprived brain has come up with a couple of crazy questions and ideas though. Starting with - what if the Clue is actually multiple Clues? What if we've just been thinking about the pub, but that second line contains a separate clue or clues about Edinburgh, so that Aziraphale Knows Where [He's] Going? (see what I did there?)

These ideas do require an assumption that we shouldn't just take season 2 at face value, but they aren't tied to any specific theories like time loops, dreams, etc.

This post from onceuponathyme about references to the number 66 in the show and promo posters, and gallup24's comment that the press pass in Newspaperman!Aziraphale's hat also has the number 66 on it got me thinking about whether the "address" and the hat are meant to be connected. The references to the number 66 could be an easter egg - the Book of Revelations is the 66th book of the Bible. But is it an in-show clue, too? Is the 66 on Everyday single telling Aziraphale to wear it on his hat, maybe as a signal to someone? ("The clarinet, it makes beautiful music.")

Moving on to Goat Gate. It could still be the name of a road. I have two other ideas though:

We've already seen goats turned into crows. Gate is an old term that can mean road or street. Goat Gate = Crow Road? (I don't know that I love this, but I'll put it out there anyway.)

There's also the symbolism of goats tied to Hell, Satan, and Crowley in particular - drconstellation has a lovely meta about sheep vs goats, so I'm not going to go any farther into that. But I do want to stay on Crowley, and the second place we see Aziraphale - the cemetery.

Not quite this, but I can find a gif for just about every other part of the scene except for the line I'm looking for. The one where after a bunch of hilarious noises, he says, "Do I sound like a goat?"

And then, a short while later...

The ground opens up (a gate to Hell?), and Crowley disappears, pulled down to Hell. And then we get one continuous shot of Aziraphale turning around in that spot that starts in 1827 and ends in present day.

We still don't know exactly why Aziraphale went to the cemetery. Maybe "Goat Gate" is the clue that sent him there?

One final thing I noticed in that episode that feels a little off to me now - Crowley's reaction when Aziraphale calls and asks him if he remembers Mr. Dalrymple. "Oh yeah, not a doctor, a mister! Whatever happened to him?" It's surprisingly normal and relaxed, considering what happened at the end of the night, isn't it?

[azulera]

Retwist

Pairing: Trent Alexander-Arnold x Black Reader

Summary: You give your bf Trent a retwist (and some cuddles).

Notes: Trent's locs are everything 2 me ... but I just know he needs his scalp oiled + a satin bonnet I just know it. I would provide that for him … Anyways thank u for reading and gentle feedback is always welcome!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Grab me the mirror, comb, gel, oil, clips, and mousse – they’re all in the bottom cabinet.”

A moment later, Trent was stood in front of you with an armful of the requested items. His face was serious as he concentrated on not dropping anything. 

“Did you get everything I asked?” 

“Yeah, I’ve got it all.”

“Are you sure?”

Trent huffed out another yes, making the various bottles and items bobble. You probably wouldn’t use everything, but it was comforting to have each product in reaching distance. 

“Okay, sit.”

Though you loved his free-form look, retwisting your boyfriend’s hair was an activity you’d come to look forward to, even knowing that the fresh locs were likely to frizz just as soon as he went to training and showered after. Still, the time spent with him close together on the couch, and how handsome he looked in the aftermath, made the sedentary hour and a half worth it.

“Don’t pull too hard this time, alright?”

Trent was sat now on a pillow on the floor, with his head settled between your thighs. He’d wrapped his right palm into its usual position around your calf. 

“Trent, don’t be a baby.” 

“M’not a baby.” 

“Then stop acting like one. I haven’t even started yet.” 

He grumbled, but his brattiness soon melted away as you two got wrapped up in the plot of the movie he put on, and in the comfort of being so near to each other. You started with the locs in the back, gathering product into your hands and grabbing hold of the root of the twist. Then you twisted the hair in a clockwise direction, while holding it tight all the way until you reached the ends. After 45 minutes, you’d made it to the middle, but Trent had gotten antsy. 

“Keep your head still!” You scolded him. 

“I am still!” 

“No, you’re not, you’re fidgeting.”

“How am I fidgeting? I’ve not moved from between your legs, have I?” 

You sighed, not wanting to argue. 

“Let’s take a break.” 

You stood up to head to the kitchen, but Trent clung to your leg.

“Wait, where’re you goin?” 

“Just to the fridge, to get some water.” 

He relaxed back onto the foot of the couch.

“Oh, alright. Hurry back, though.”  

When you sat back down, he was calm again, and you two finished out the rest of the film while you worked. He kept his hand along your calf, and occasionally pressed his lips there absentmindedly, or to the inside of your knee. As the credits began to roll, you finished twisting the last strands in the front, and started to rub the peppermint oil through his scalp, which was his favorite part. 

“Mmm. All done?” 

“Yep, here.” You passed him the handheld mirror and you both looked into it. He turned his head this way and that. 

“You look so good, baby! I can’t let you out the house like this.” You called out, squeezing on to his shoulders. “I really did that, huh?” 

Trent scrubbed a hand over his chin, still tilting his head. His brow was furrowed. 

“Eh, it’s decent.” 

Your mouth dropped open.

“What?”

Trent picked at one of the locs above his eyes and dropped it, struggling to keep his face neutral.

“I mean it looks okay. S’alright.”

You leaned back from him, your face screwed up, and when he caught sight of your shocked eyes in the mirror, he cracked. 

“I’m just joking you, babe. Relax.” 

“Oh my gosh, get up - get away from me, move!” 

You got to your feet, and Trent followed after you. From behind, he wrapped you in a bear hug that you pretended to fight your way out of. That only made him squeeze you tighter, laughing as he pressed kisses to your cheek. 

“Stop it - stop fightin, I’m only playin. It looks great.” He smacked one last loud kiss to your neck, his hair tickling you. “Thank you.” 

You rolled your eyes but squeezed him back. 

“You’re not funny, you know, but you’re welcome. And remember that you gotta keep it wrapped up when you sleep.” 

“Well, that’s right now, innit? I'm knackered.”

“From what?” You looked at him wildly. “All you did was sit there?” 

“Exactly.” 

He walked back to the couch and stretched out, pulling off the quilt resting on the back. He patted the space in front of him. 

“Come here, why don’t ya?” 

You stared him down, hating and loving his big shiny eyes that you’d never been able to say no to. 

He cheesed when you started walking towards him. 

“Put on something new for us to watch, then.” 

You settled in alongside him, breathing in the sweet mixture of his scent with the product you’d put on his scalp. 

“But why? You’re gonna fall asleep in two seconds.” 

“No, m’not, I swear. I’ll stay up a bit.” 

You side-eyed him, but selected a movie anyway. It was a thriller, but you were comforted by his hand resting on your belly and his warm body behind you. Fifteen minutes in, you noticed the rise and fall of his chest against your back had become abnormally regular. 

“I called it! I called it. I swear I did.” You laughed in disbelief as you gently slithered from beneath his arm. When you returned with your scarf from the bathroom, and a bonnet for him, he was already snoring. With an annoyed fondness in your chest, you placed the silk carefully over his head, before tying your own hair up. You pulled his arm back over your chest, and cuddled in closer to him, eventually lulled to sleep by the quiet rhythm of his breathing.

[formulalfc]

could you please make the request about trent and uni student reader where she’s struggling a long fic x (sorry forgot to specify before lol)

I'm Here Now

Trent Alexander Arnold x Reader

tw- none really, exam stress

The last few weeks of university were really hard for every student, tests, essays, quizzes, you name it. But you were really determined to do well on your upcoming exams having studied so hard over the year.

You spent every day sitting in your boyfriend's office, typing away trying to get all your work done so that you could finally relax after a long year.

But as your final week got closer, your routine went out the window and you were now pulling all-nighters to try and get everything done. You allowed yourself maybe an hour sleep, curled up on the sofa in Trent's office, and then you were up again going through notes.

Trent had been away on international duty for the past few days but was due back today and yet you hadn't even remembered. So engrossed in your work and so out of sorts with what day it is you had no idea your boyfriend was coming home today.

You were currently really struggling with this particular essay you were doing, it was a hard topic and your lack or rest was starting to catch up with you.

The words on the screen started to look jumbled and like they ddint make sense, you screwed your eyes in an attempt to make things clear again but you just couldn't focus.

Tears of frustration started pooling in your eyes, fuelled also by your lack of sleep. You were so close to finishing everything being able to relax and now you just couldn't concentrate.

What started as a few tears were starting to turn into steams of them, sobs racking through your body as you cursed yourself for not looking after yourself better as you were now paying the price.

Due to your uncontrollable tears, you hadn't heard your front door open and close as your boyfriend came in and you hadn't heard him call out your name.

Trent was confused at your lack of response and assumed that you were studying with headphones on or something but when he opened the study door he see you there crying and his heart near enough broke.

As you caught sight of your boyfriend its like you were finally ready to let it all out, now finding it hard to breathe as you cried.

Trent rushed over to you and lifted you from your chair, gently sitting down on the sofa with you cradled in his lap.

You had stuck your head into his neck and were sobbing into him as he cooed down at you telling you, "You're okay baby, you're okay. I'm here now, I'm gonna make it all better okay?"

Your cries eventually died down as you snuggled further into him, finally feeling content in his arms. And soon enough you had fallen asleep in the arms of your boyfriend, who stared down at you in worry.

He could tell from your face that you had worn yourself down, and he felt bad knowing that he wasn't here to stop you from beating yourself up over silly exams.

But he felt better now knowing that you were here, safe in his arms, where you always should be.

Your boyfriend carried you down the hallway to your shared room, slowly managing to peel the covers back before he placed you onto the bed and tucked you in.

He left for a moment to get you a glass of water and some paracetamol for when you woke up, knowing that you would have a headache after all those hours you spent at your computer.

When he got back you seemed to be tossing and turning restlessly without him by your side. And so he quickly dumped the things on the side and stripped down to his boxers, turning off the hallway lights before moving into bed behind you.

You lay still as Trent pulled you close to him and wrapped his arms around you, knowing you could rest now and that you could worry about your essays in the morning.

[ltwharfy]

For the ship game, gotta get in roudise!

Ship It

What made you ship it?

I've been a fan since the first airing of "Carpe Museum". I enjoyed Rudy right away as a character since he reminded me a lot of myself as a kid. And Louise's interactions with him were pretty different from what we'd seen with any of her classmates before- she treated him as an equal on their adventure, she was concerned when he had his asthma attack. I liked that he brought out a different side to her. By the time they were cuddled up next to Bob on the bus, I was sold.

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

For starters, I'm a dork for friends to lovers. And I really enjoy the way the show has developed their friendship- it hasn't been static. While I love "Carpe Museum", I really think "The Kids Rob A Train" shows them kind of moving from classmates who get along to friends. And other episodes after that show their friendhsip continuing to evolve until you get a story like "The Amazing Rudy", which would not have rung true if it was earlier on in the shows run. As I've gone on about at length elsewhere even the epieodes that focus on the two being in conflict, "House of 1,000 Bounces" and "Bridge Over Troubled Rudy" , ultimately end up showing them growing as individuals and as friends (and the "growing" part is important since they are only 9, after all.)

But I also really love that their friendship doesn't have to be the focus of an episode to be there. It is often reflected in the show in little moments like Louise cheering on Rudy in kickball in "Stop! Or My Mom Will Sleuth!" or him laughing at her joke at the beginning of "Amelia".

And I like the way their personalities play off each other. I think they have similar personality traits but in different proportions- so they are able to bring out another side in each other. Louise encourages Rudy's more adventorous side, he brings out her more thoughtful and selfless side. They complement each other well and are capable of bringing out the best in each other ("are capable"- they don't always do so, because, again, they're 9).

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

That I ship it, LOL! (Sorry, but I feel like folks can say this about any "Bob's Burgers" ship except Boblin. I mean, if you don't ship Boblin how are you even watching the show?!)

Okay, seriously, I think an opinion I have about them that might go against the conventional wisdom is that, while Louise can be a force of nature, Rudy's not a pushover. I actually think that, after Tina (who has the big sister card to play), Rudy is the next best of any of the kids on the show at standing up to Louise when necessary. Not only is there a whole episode about Rudy setting a boundary and Louise realizing she screwed up by overstepping it ("Bridge Over Troubled Rudy"), you get little things ranging from Rudy being snarky to her in "The Gene Mile" ("How is this 'for Gene'?" and- one of my favorite Rudy lines- "Someone's fishing for a compliment...Good job, Louise!") to Rudy speaking up on behalf of himself, Arnold, and the Pesto Twins in asking for a refund in "The (Raccoon) King and I".

(I will admit that I find this "unpopular opinion" question to be tough! I don't know what's popular! I never have! That's why I'm so unpopular!)

[lady-margaret]

bridgerton season 3 part 1 opinion (as someone who has read all the books + is kathony biased so be warned)

after sitting and stewing on what i just watched for a few hours

i’d like to start this off by saying that due to my disappointment of the writing from the last season, i was way more gracious with this one. kate and anthony were great because of simone and jonathan; i’m not sure the writers had much to do with that.

anyway, what i’m saying is that i already knew not to expect the writers to be faithful to the source material (romancing mr. bridgerton), so i was able to enjoy myself more. additionally, polin’s book isn’t exactly a favorite of mine anyway, so there wasn’t a lot to be too disappointed with in my case.

what i liked:

penelope’s wardrobe; they hyped up the “transformation” so much and i’m glad it did not disappoint.

colin’s hot 😌

eloise’ wardrobe; someone pointed out that it had a lot of philip references, so yay 😀 (it has me worried that it’ll be her story next though, we need ben first)

eloise interacting with the other ladies of the ton was really cute and refreshing; she’s learning that despite them having different interests than her, they are still people of great value. the difference is eloise was raised in a loving and supportive family, unlike most of the others.

sibling’s g&h’s personalities coming through more (they are anthony’s children, truly).

featherington sisters as comic relief.

MARRIED KATHONY CRUMBS 💕💕💕 they carried episode 1 for me.

FRANCESCA 💕💕💕 gorgeous introvert representation.

FRANNY AND JOHN 💕💕💕 (i am both ready and NOT ready to get hurt 🥹)

book references (yay! the bare minimum!)

lord debling’s dope.

i actually do like that they gave cressida a legitimate reason to want to win the competition money to unmask LW in the second part.

the music choices haven’t disappointed yet!!!!!

colin’s line for the season is def the “well are you gonna marry me or not?” line HEHEHEHEHE i ALMOST screamed as loud as i did when john entered when he said that line to pen.

as an army, plus points for dynamite 🤭 i didn’t expect to like the orchestral version and didn’t see the vision of where they would even insert it, but i actually liveddd for it.

what i don’t really have strong feelings about:

mondrich plot; alice is beautiful but the addition of their family storyline didn’t make much of a lasting impact.

the queen; she was very meh so far.

the featherington storyline: the sisters are funny, but their whole situation mixed with the humor leads me not to take it very seriously.

violet x lady danbury’s brother: 🤷‍♀️ i don’t see it.

the “lady danbury’s brother” storyline in general is very forgettable.

what i disliked:

i think nicola and luke could use more chemistry; they fall short compared to daphne&simon and kathony (HEAVY ON KATHONY THIS IS WHY THEY REMOVED THEM FROM THE REST OF THE EPISODES SIGH)

they kinda mischaracterized colin (he spent the last two seasons being selfish and putting himself above everyone else violet, what the hell are you talking about “you never place yourself over others” 🤨)

the lack of ben time?? did he go back to the academy after taking over for anthony briefly??? what did he do besides dodging debutantes all season????

they glossed over benedict running the estate so quickly; this could have been an opportunity to draw out his storyline, especially since he mentioned that he liked having a purpose: WRITERS???? DO SOMETHING WITH THAT!

i also didn’t really care for the ben x tilly arnold plot; unless sophie’s actually a maid of her’s or something, i don’t see her point in the show besides just be another one of ben’s ever changing girl of the season.

im sorry but eloise would never SHOULD NEVER have befriended her (ex?) best friend’s bully, no matter what the circumstances. that is NOT eloise.

honestly, them revealing whistledown in the first season is really screwing with the writing; in this regard, i wish they stayed more faithful to the book and how colin finds out about LW. it all just seems so messy at this point.

so s3 starts when kathony end their honeymoon… how long was this honeymoon? math isn’t mathing cuz it couldn’t have been more than a week given that kate isn’t obviously pregnant yet in the first ep.

i know that colin and pen are longtime friends, but from how they’ve interacted with each other in the past seasons, it’s a bit harder to believe that they were close CLOSE friends; close friends to the extent of helping the other find a spouse through “lessons”? i don’t see it. that’s why i was a bit ??? when i first found out about the plot they were going with for the season (in the book, colin really just starts following her around cuz she was being sus)

i hate that they had to come up with an excuse to get rid of kathony for the rest of the episodes; i get that they’ve been running their separate households alone for most of their lives and want a break but… i don’t think they would abandon their responsibilities for an “extended honeymoon”. knowing them, running the estate isn’t gonna stop them from being wh0res!! they help each other out with the estate and are still sickeningly in love and have time for each other (in the books). i was also really hoping to see kate taking over the viscountess role. i swore they would have done something like that after that cute/awkward moment when they both respond to “lady bridgerton” in episode 1.

i get that it’s established that penelope’s one goal for the season is to get a husband, but as i know her character, she would NEVER get into races (?) or run just so she can talk to a suitor before anyone else does 😭 okay but it was funny.

i am kinda sad that they couldn’t have just let a mean character or a villain character be the villain character; yea sure, i did say that i liked that cressida had a legitimate and well thought out motive for wanting the LW reward money but, idk i could’ve lived without her storyline.

one of the BIGGEST THINGS for me is that i do not think they should have released so many clips/snippets of the show days or weeks before it came out. i understand like 1 clip, but i skipped SO MANY SCENES because i have watched them at least 5 times already on tiktok or twitter.

the two part season idea is dumb.

i’m scared for how messy part 2 will be (in terms of both writing and just how stressed i will be with the revealing of LW plot HUHU poor pen) but i’m still looking forward to it 😇😇😇 and despite all the things i didn’t like, i did still enjoy it. if i do rewatch it or not is still to be decided; s1 & s2 have such high rewatch value.

franny and john were TRULY a standout though. i cannot even begin to describe how loud i screamed when he finally said his name out loud 😭💕

verdict: the writing is getting messier, get jonathan bailey in that writer’s room ASAP

[corriganatheart]

Deepest Secret 🔞 Pt. I/Jude Bellingham x reader x Trent A. Arnold

Synopsis: Jude is your boyfriend's best friend and your biggest nemesis, but sometimes he shows his hate in ways that have you questioning his intentions.

Pairing: Jude Bellingham x fem! Reader x Trent A. Arnold

Genre: Enemies to lover x Forbidden romance

Warnings ⚠️: Cursing, mention of sexual contents🔞

Jude stared at you across the room, champagne in his hands and a couple of blondes and brunettes around him. Although they were talking to him, pushing their boobs up, and exposing their legs to him, he couldn’t help but stare your way. He wasn’t sure if it was because you smiled at every little thing or because you had his best friend wrapped around his fingers, but there was something about you that he hated.

Trent was wiped, and Jude was sure his best bud would get screwed once you get the fame that he is sure you are desperately chasing. Jude has repeatedly warned his best friend about you, but the man wouldn’t listen and instead fell in love with you. He remembers the first time Trent brought you to one of their games and introduced you to everyone, and immediately, the whole team took a liking to you. You were always smiling, cheerful, and optimistic, which somehow transferred to Trent. Jude had never seen his best friend this happy, he even thought once that Trent was incapable of happiness, but here he was smiling and bowing down to you like you’re the queen of England.

Jude’s jaws tighten as he watches Trent’s hands trailing down your back and landing on your ass. You giggle at something Trent says and slightly push his chest. Trent then squeezes your ass and plants a kiss on your neck, which causes you to laugh more. Jude rolls his eyes and chugs the rest of his champagne before slamming the glass on the counter. There was something about you that he despised. Maybe it was the way your eyes glimmer when you smile, maybe it was the way that your cheeks would turn pink when Trent compliments you, or maybe the way your body held the perfect amount of curves and portions. Either way, he hated everything about you.

After the bartender gave him another glass of whiskey, Jude glances your way again, and this time he was admiring the way that tight black dress fits your body. It looked good on you, too good, and he wasn't the only one that noticed it. The other guys were also checking you out, some very obvious and some secretly. But the only person that has had your attention for the last couple of hours was Trent, and Jude shouldn't be bothered by that, but he was. You are his best friend's girlfriend, and by the way, things looked, you are probably going to be around for a very long time, and that only made him madder.

Jude deliberately slammed the cup on the table again, causing one of the girls beside him to yelp, and he glared down at her. She was pretty, and she actually looked familiar. Jude scans her from head to toe; and realizes that the girl is wearing something similar to you. But unlike the shy and innocent girl look, this girl was far from innocent. She was staring up at him like she wanted to eat him whole, which caused him to smirk and look back at you and Trent, publicly making out. He then turns back to the girl and grabs her wrist. “You’re coming with me,” he growls.

The girl was touching him everywhere as he licked and sucked her neck. She tasted like cheap perfume, probably ones that were sent to her for sponsorship. He doesn’t know her name or who the fuck she is, but this is a party for celebrities and influencers, so she has to have an NDA signed before entering the building. But either way, she was only going to be a fuck, not even a short-term.

“This dress,” Jude groans while staring down at the girl. She looked up at him with lust, and her lipstick was smeared. Her eyes were filled with so many sexual things, and Jude suddenly remembered your eyes. The way you looked at Trent while he grabbed you sexually; wasn’t just about lust; it was love. Jude tensely closed his eyes, annoyed that he was still comparing his situation to Trent's, and his hard-on was now gone. He sighs and looks down at the confused girl before stepping away. “Sorry, that should’ve never happened,” he apologizes. The girl angrily glares at him, and he is ready to get yelled at before the door to the bathroom opens.

You walked in expecting someone lying on the floor or throwing up, but you didn’t expect Jude and a girl to stare at you. The girl you recognized as a TikTok influencer looked like she just got screwed. Her lipstick and hair are messy, and Jude’s dress shirt is unbuttoned, so you awkwardly point to the door. “Ahum, the door was unlocked, so I walked in. I’m sorry, I’ll leave,” you apologized, but before you could walk out, the girl pushed you out of the way, causing you to stumble back, and she slammed the bathroom door in your face.

You cursed under your breath and slowly turned to Jude. He was now leaning on the wall with his arms crossed, eyes staring at you. “My bad,” you said. Jude didn’t say anything and continued to eye you with no emotions written on his face. He looks at the black dress that hugs your body tightly and the necklace that he remembers Trent picking out for your anniversary, lying on your half-exposed boobs. He gulps as his eyes trail down your exposed legs, which look shinier and longer than usual. He quickly averts his eyes and calms his breathing before glaring back at you. “At least some of us have the modesty to do things privately,” he spats.

You frown and close your eyes to calm yourself down because, once again, Jude has insulted you. “I didn’t think the player himself would get upset over a simple make-out,” you said rudely. Jude shrugs, “well, it’s normal at a party, but I know you secretly hoped someone recorded you acting like a whore so that you could sell it to TMZ." You glared at Jude; one minute with you, and he was already critiquing; this is precisely why you have avoided him since you arrived at the party.

You and Jude have never seen eye to eye, and you don’t know why. When Trent introduced you to his friends, everyone was welcoming and friendly, except for Jude. He was always giving you nasty looks, rude comments, and accusing you of chasing fame. At first, Trent explained to you that Jude was just being paranoid, but after the constant criticism, you stopped trying to be friends and put him in his place. Everyone knew you guys don’t get along, but they never understood the reasoning, and quite frankly, you don’t know, either.

“I have been with Trent for two years now, and if I wanted to chase fame, I would’ve called paparazzi every time we are out, and I would’ve posted him every day or been a millionaire by now,” you said. “No one knew we were together until our eight-month anniversary, so whatever false information you have of me is wrong.”

Jude chuckles and shakes his head. “And all the great things you get from being his girlfriend? Isn’t that also chasing fame? I don’t think you bought that necklace on your neck, nor did you buy the Chanel dress you’re wearing.” You wanted to strangle him and the smirk on his face. He was so infuriating, and if he weren’t Trent’s best friend, you’re sure to be anywhere but his presence. “Trent got me the necklace for our anniversary, and I bought these clothes myself because I have a job!” You spat and reached for the doorknob, but Jude grabbed your wrist and pinned you against the wall. You gasp, seeing his body tower over yours and the smell of his cologne filling your nose. “He doesn’t see it, but I see right through you. You’re a gold digger chasing his money in exchange for being his whore. But I’ll let you play this little game a little longer, and after he is done, maybe I’ll let you suck my cock, too, for a ticket to our game.” Jude smirks down at you and lets go of your wrist. You were too stunned to speak as he carefully shoved you out of the way and exited the bathroom.

You were quiet on the way back to Trent’s house. He was driving and rubbing your thighs while discussing his upcoming game. Trent would go crazy if he knew your secret exchanges with Jude. This wasn’t the first time you’ve accidentally been alone with Jude and exchanged nasty remarks about one another. You’ve never told Trent because you didn’t want him to cause a scene with Jude and make headlines about transfers or tension in the team. Jude had never brought any of the exchanges up to Trent either, so you assume he also values his friendship. Today though, drew the limit, Jude said things that hurt you so much, and you don’t think you can handle them anymore. He was constantly misjudging you, questioning your intention without even trying to know you.

“Did you hear what I said, babe?” Trent asked. You turn to look at him, and he is smiling down at you before turning back to the road. “Sorry baby, what did you say?” You asked. Trent chuckles and intertwines his fingers with yours. “I think Jude might be in a good mood tomorrow; he took a girl home with him,” Trent winked at you. You’re aware that in a couple of days, there is a friendly game between England and Spain, meaning you have to see Jude again. You would never escape that man as long as you’re dating Trent. “Ahum yeah, I hope he is,” you said with a fake smile. You honestly were in such a rush to leave that you didn’t even notice that Jude went home with a girl. Was it the same girl you saw in the bathroom? She was honestly so upset, so you must’ve disrupted them. “He hasn’t been bothering you lately, has he?” Trent asked while caressing his thumb across your fingers. “No, he hasn’t.” You lied.

Female fans were screaming and shouting Jude’s and Trent’s names as they ran to their position. Trent smiled and waved at you before focusing his attention on the field. You catch Jude‘s eyes before looking away. “Is that Trent’s girlfriend?” You heard someone shout behind you. “Yeah, I heard she’s only using him for fame, though,” another responded. You frustratedly groan and shake off the anger. Instead of letting people's words get to you, you focused on your boyfriend instead. Trent looked incredibly hot during the game, and you are very aware that he has many female fans, but Trent was such an honest and reassuring boyfriend that you don't even question anything.

Unlike his teammates, Trent has always been mysterious and quiet, but when he is in the game, he gets very competitive and aggressive. It was adorable how different he was around you, though, and only you know how much of a big baby he was. You smile, remembering the first time you met him. It was a rainy day, and you were finishing homework at a cafe. At the time, you didn’t know who he was because you were too busy to watch soccer, and you always thought it was weird that girls would go up to him and flirt with him. After that day, you kept seeing him at the cafe, and sometimes you would catch him glancing at you. It took him nearly four weeks before he approached you and asked for your number. You always thought Trent was too good for you because of his status, but he made you feel safe and loved, so you said yes when he asked you to be his girlfriend.

The scream around you made you come out of your thoughts; the England players jumped and circled Jude. You smiled and clapped while watching Trent lift Jude from the ground. Jude was the only person other than you that could make Trent happy. They’ve known each other for so long and have been stuck to one another before you came. You could not get in between them and ruin their friendship. You would never make Trent choose between you and Jude. But you are also selfish and want Trent despite the constant hate from Jude. It was clear that your differences with Jude will not go away, but for Trent, you are willing to hold your ground.

After the game, Trent held a celebration party at his place, and it was nearly midnight when people started leaving his house. You sat on a lounge chair by the pool, watching Trent talk to his friends inside the house. The big glass window gives you the perfect view of your boyfriend’s smiling face. You smile at how bright he looks, and your eyes slowly drift to the sofa behind Trent and see Jude sitting with a girl. She is beautiful; Kendall Jenner lookalike. Your smile slowly fades away because you realize that Jude finds you disgusting because he is always surrounded by girls that look like models. And no wonder he thinks his best friend deserves better.

You take a sip of your tequila as you watch Jude tuck a hair behind the girl's ears and whisper something to her. She giggles and slightly pushes his chest, causing him to smirk. You roll your eyes and advert your attention back to your boyfriend. He looks like he is finishing the conversation and walking them to the door. You gulp the rest of the tequila, and your eyes land on Jude’s. He was now making out with the girl, but his eyes were open, staring at you. He has his hands on the back of her neck, guiding her through the kiss while her hands slide up his thighs. Your lips stay stern while staring at Jude, refusing to look away because that would mean you lost. You aren't sure what game he is playing, but you are not going to look away from him. You see his eyes smile, noticing that you are challenging him. He continues to suck the girl's face, his hands squeezing her neck and also going down on the side of her neck without breaking eye contact with you. You feel the tequila taste on your lips, and you slowly lick it, and immediately this causes Jude’s eyes to darken, and you can tell he moaned from that. And you smirk, realizing that you won his game.

“Babe,” the smell of whiskey hits your nose, and you turn to your right to see Trent sitting beside you. He smiles at you and reaches for your hand. “Are you ok, baby?” You felt like the world stopped spinning as you looked into his gorgeous eyes. Gosh, Trent was a piece of art. “I am now,” you said, and Trent smiled before pulling you onto his lap. “You’re so beautiful,” his hot breath hits your throat, and his cologne mixed with the alcoholic beverage causes you to see stars. You smiled and pecked his forehead, causing him to smile even more. Trent slips his hand under your t-shirt and plays with your swimsuit underneath. “Wanna jump into the pool?” He asked. You giggled and stood up. Trent smirks as he watches you slowly remove your t-shirt and slip your shorts down. His eyes darken as you turn around and then jump into the pool. “You just love teasing me, don’t you?” He asked while standing up and taking his t-shirt off. “Because I know what happens next,” you teased. Trent groans and starts taking off his belt when Jude walks out of the house, staring at you and then at Trent. You don’t miss the small hickey on his neck. “Saka is drunk as fuck. Harry asked if you could follow him with Saka’s car.” Trent rolls his head back and groans, then look at you with desperation in his eyes. “I’ll still be here,” you smiled. Trent sighs and puts his shirt back on. “I’ll be quick,” he says and then nods to Jude before leaving you alone with his devilish friend. You glare at Jude, who is just watching you curiously. “Not a good idea to chug a whole bottle of tequila and then jump into a pool. You might drown,” he said. You roll your eyes and start floating in the pool.

“Oh please, you would’ve loved that,” you mumbled. Jude laughs and scans your body from head to toe. He then bites his lower lips, and when his eyes land on your center, which is covered with a bikini, he feels his dick swell. “Did you enjoy the show?” He asked while pointing at his hickey. You shivered, remembering the lust in his eyes when he made out with that girl. It was like he was trying to tell you something, and for some reason, you found it very attractive. “What was there to look at? It was child’s play,” you said. Your eyes drift to the glass door, and you realize that everyone is gone; you and Jude are the only ones left. “Oh yeah? Then what’s an adult’s play like?” Jude asked, and then a splash caused you to jump back. You gasped when you saw Jude in the pool with you, his shirt was off, and he jumped in with his jeans.

“Show me,” he mumbled as he walked closer to you. You step back but hit the pool wall, and Jude is fast enough to trap you between his arms. He looks down at you, the smell of alcohol coming out of his mouth and his breathing getting heavier. “Show me what it would be like to make out with you,” he says boldly. You bite your lower lips and turn your head, eyes on Trent’s living room. Your boyfriend could be walking in anytime soon, and you’ll be caught in an inappropriate position with his best friend. “I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I won’t fall for it, Bellingham,” you said and slightly pushed Jude’s chest, but he didn’t move. His eyes look down at you dangerously, and you blame it on the alcohol in your system because you were considering kissing him.

“There are no games right now. I want you to show me what Trent sees in you,” Jude whispers as he lowers his lips. “I just need a taste.” You stare at his chest, which is moving faster than usual. But you can’t give in; this man thinks you’re a gold digger and a fame chaser, and you won’t entertain him. “Trent is your best friend, and I am his girlfriend. It would help if you weren’t suggesting anything,” you mumbled. Jude didn’t respond to that; he lifted your chin so you were looking into his eyes. “He doesn’t need to know. This is our little secret.” As soon as you look up at him, Jude’s mouth is on yours. He hungrily kisses you like he is starving. His hands roam your body like he has wanted for months, and his tongue finds its way into your mouth. “You’ve no fucking idea what these lips do to me,” he growls while squeezing your ass. You whimper and bite his lower lips causing him to groan even more.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” you murmured. “I hate you, and you hate me.” Jude doesn’t say anything; he devours your mouth while his hands roam your body. The pent-up attraction towards you was too much for him, and he wanted you to fix it. He hates you for being with his best friend, but he hates you even more for being so damn hot. You’re his best friend’s girlfriend, and he shouldn’t want you, but this was getting too much for him, and he needed to see what his friend sees in you. “I shouldn’t do this. I should be loyal to Trent, but I can’t do shit when you’re around. I need to feel you everywhere, Y/N,” he says with pleading eyes. For a second, you almost give in and let him take you to bed. But you remembered who he was and who your boyfriend was. Trent would never betray you, and the thought of you having sex with his best friend disgust you. With no hesitation, you guiltily look at Jude and push him away from you. “I-I love Trent, and he trusts you. That shouldn’t have happened,” you mumbled, and without looking into his eyes, you got out of the pool and went into the house.

You woke up to Trent getting ready for his morning practice. He whistled as he put on his jacket and prepared his duffel bag. As you stare at your boyfriend, memories from last night flash. After leaving the pool, you took a shower and went to bed. Jude probably left after Trent returned, and you remember your boyfriend whispering I love you before he fell asleep next to you. You shuffle out of bed, and Trent is about to turn towards you, but you wrap your arms around his waist before he can. “I miss you,” you whisper while laying your head on his back. “Baby, I’m going to be gone only for a couple of hours,” he chuckles while putting his hands on yours. You stay silent and inhale his cologne; even after a year and a half, Trent still wears your favorite cologne. “Wanna go to practice with me?” He asked as he took your hands off his waist and turned around. You shake your head, and he hugs you while caressing your hair. “Move in with me, baby,” he says and plants a kiss on your head. “I think it’s time we take it to the next level.” You stay silent; as much as you want to say yes, after what happened yesterday, you need to separate yourself from him a bit. Your feelings are messing with your heart, and Trent was bound to discover what happened. Jude was already sure you were using his friend, and after letting him kiss you yesterday, you’re sure he thinks the worst of you now. “I love you so much,” you whispered.

Everyone was hungover, and most didn’t even last ten minutes into practice before they were sent home. Marcus, Harry, and Trent are the only ones not as hungover, whereas Jude seems to need ten hours of sleep. “Jude is a bit off today,” Marcus says as the trio stretches in a circle. Trent looked over at his friend, lying on the ground with his hood on like a weirdo. “Look at his neck; he probably went at it all night,” Harry says, causing Marcus to laugh. Trent frowns, wondering which girl Jude slept with last night. He knew Jude made out with the model, but he sent her away after a few minutes. Hopefully, it wasn’t a random girl from his DMS that would only ruin his reputation. “I don’t remember Jude ever being interested in anyone. He just fucks around,” Harry says while glaring at the youngster on the ground. “He’s young; just let him be. I’m sure he’ll grow out of that phase.”

“Here,” Trent says while shoving a Gatorade into Jude’s hands. Jude sits up and takes the drink, avoiding as much eye contact as possible. Trent glares at his friend, noticing that something is wrong. He then sits down next to Jude, staring at the bottle in his hand. “Rough night yesterday?” Trent asked, noticing the sudden change in Jude’s eyes at the mention of yesterday night. Jude stared at the random hole in the grass and wondered what to tell Trent. After the kiss, he realizes that his feelings for you are past the sexual attraction and that he might like you. He agrees that it was a mistake to kiss you because now he can’t even look into his best friend's eyes. But at the same time, he wouldn’t be able to control himself if you were left with him again. If you didn’t stop him, he would’ve fucked you in the pool without caring about Trent.

“Who was it?” Trent asked while pointing at the hickeys on his neck. Jude shakes his head and sighs, “no one important,” he mumbles. Trent hums and checks the time on his phone, and Jude sees your smile on the Lock Screen. “I asked Y/N to move in with me,” Trent says, causing Jude to look at him immediately. “She said she’ll think about it.” Jude nods and lays back down on the grass. “You love her, don’t you?” Jude asked. This was an obvious question that he knew the answer to, but he wanted to hear it from Trent to remind himself that you were off-limits. “She’s the woman I see myself spending the rest of my life with.” The guilt only increases after he hears the words come out of his friend’s mouth. He was such a lousy friend, and he did not deserve Trent. “I’m sure she’ll come around,” Jude mumbles. Trent stares down at his friend; he is surprised Jude isn’t trashing you because he knows how much you hated one another. This was a good thing but a dramatic change in just one day. With a confused mind, Trent stands up, “I got to go,” he excuses himself.

You stare at the miss calls and messages from Trent. It has been a week since you last saw your boyfriend, and despite his busy schedule, he makes time for you, but you keep making excuses that you’re busy. You sighed as you looked at the different dresses on your bed. Today is Marcus’s birthday, and you can’t miss it. You know that Jude will be there, which complicates things because you’re trying to avoid him as much as possible. You keep telling yourself that both of you were drunk and it was a mistake, but you wouldn’t remember this much detail if it was a drunken mistake. You’ve always hated Jude simply because you assumed he hated you too. But after what happened, you don’t know how to feel anymore.

Trent stares at you in awe as you approach him at the bar. He suggested picking you up, but you said you’d be late, so he went ahead. “Baby, you look amazing,” Trent says as he twirls you around to check you out. You embarrassedly laugh as his friend whistles and cheers for the two of you. Trent smiled and pulled you into a tight embrace as he nuzzled his face into your shoulder. “I miss you so much,” he whispers. You giggled and wrap your arms around his waist. “I’m sorry I have been ignoring you. I have just been busy; I missed you too, babe.” Like the lover he is, Trent, forgive you, and you guys ended up drinking and dancing to the loud music.

It was twenty minutes later that you saw Jude walking into the club with a couple of girls behind him. You glanced at him, and he immediately looked at your ass on Trent’s crotch. Like everybody else in the club, you’re grinding on your boyfriend. You glare at the girls behind him; they are all models. And despite hating him, you couldn’t help but get angry at the thought of him touching other girls. You rolled your eyes at him and continued to grind and be free with your boyfriend. “Huh, I’m surprised to see Jude here,” Trent says as he guides you toward the bar. “Why is that?” You asked curiously. “He hasn’t been himself for a while, and he didn’t go to the club with Foden the last time.” You nod at the new information and glance over Jude’s way. He was now sitting on a couch with each girl on his side. They were touching his thighs and whispering in his ear, but Jude’s eyes scanned around the club, looking extremely bored. “Dude, this is lit as fuck!” Saka screamed as he swung his arms around you and Trent. “And you two looked hot as fuck dancing!”

Both you and Trent laugh at Saka, who is close to blacking out. The three of you continue to entertain one another until Saka starts whistling. “Damn, I didn’t know Jude was into that stuff.” You look over at the couch and to see one of the girls grinding on Jude's lap as the other kisses his neck, sucking and tucking. Jude looked turned on as he leaned his head back on the couch, and you didn’t miss his eyes catching yours before he closed it and smirked. You fist the cup and chug the rest of your alcohol. You then place it on the table and stand up. He was doing too much to get to you, and it shouldn’t get to you because he’s just your boyfriend’s best friend. “I’m going to the bathroom,” you told Trent, who was already staring at you. Anger and confusion were written all over his face as he watched you leave his side.

You were so glad Marcus booked a club that had private rooms because you cannot be around everyone while your emotions are all over the place. You love Trent, and he is the sweetest guy, but for some reason seeing Jude with another girl triggered you. If it were any other day, you wouldn’t care, but after having an intimate moment with him, you can’t help but feel disgusted that he was throwing it at your face. Feeling yourself sobering up, you take in the room that you’re in. There is a karaoke station and a bar, but what catches your attention is the large window in front of you with the city view. The room was dark, but the city lights gave you a good idea of the area.

You walk to the bar station and open the fridge to see varieties of alcohol. You went with a vodka and poured it into a cup. While you were busy making your drink, the door to the private room opened, and just by the silhouette, you immediately knew it was Jude. “Trying to make a living by becoming a bartender?” He asked as he walked towards the bar station. You grab another cup for him and also pour some vodka in. “Maybe that’ll make you realize I’m more than Trent’s girlfriend.” Jude hums, and you hand him his cup before you take yours and go around the counter to stand next to him. “Saka is passed out, and Trent’s trying to help him. He asked me to take care of you until he comes back.”

You nod, realizing that Jude came here upon Trent’s request, not because he wanted to. You haven’t spoken to him since the incident, and you aren’t looking forward to discussing that with him. “It seems like Trent trusts you a lot,” you muttered. Jude stays silent and takes sips of his drinks then and then. “He has faith in the both of us,” Jude shrugged, and you sighed, guilt rushing into your bloodstream again. Trent does not deserve to be hidden in the dark, but you’re so nervous and scared of the possible consequences of the situation. “Look, I love Trent and respect him a lot. I don’t want him to choose between his best friend and girlfriend. It would be nice if we could coexist,” you said. Jude doesn’t say anything; he chugs his alcohol while staring at your form. You took this time to look at him. He was hot, drop dead gorgeous, with perfect height and body. The white half-unbuttoned dress shirt he is wearing compliments his looks even more, along with the black pants. Feeling your face burning up, you look away and chug down your vodka. Being alone with him was a bad idea; you liked it better when you were criticizing one another.

“I respect the homie, I really do,” Jude says as he places his cup on the counter. “But I want to destroy his girlfriend, which beats the whole purpose.” You looked at him in shock as he slowly moved closer to you and placed both hands on the side of you, trapping you between the counter and him. “I want to fuck his girlfriend,” he bluntly declares with no emotions. You narrow your eyes and glance at the hickeys on his neck; they are fresh, probably from those model-like girls. “Why don’t you go fuck those girls? It seemed like you already were,” you said, a hint of jealousy in your eyes. Jude smirks and chuckles deeply, and you can smell the vodka on his lips. “I always imagine you when I need some relief. Just like I pictured you when I’m in bed or shower,” he confesses. You glared at him and pushed his chest, but he didn’t move; he wanted you to know how disrespectful he could be. “That night after I left Trent’s house, I took a girl home. She was hot and had a banging body. She kissed me like she meant it and sucked my dick like it was her last meal. Do you know who I imagined?” He asked, his mouth coming down closer to yours. “I pictured my best friend’s girlfriend in that sexy bikini of hers sucking my cock. And I got off from that girl thinking of you. But then I realize that must be how every guy sees you, a good lay. Maybe you’re just Trent’s girlfriend until he finds a wifey material. Maybe he’ll share you if I ask nicely.”

Jude didn’t need to say another word because you smacked him so hard his face tilted with a red mark. He chuckles slightly and touches the side of his cheek that you slapped. He had no remorse for what he just said because, in his mind, that is how he sees you, nothing else. "You are a fucking asshole. I love Trent, and he loves me. I have been dealing with your shit for two years now, and if I wanted to do anything other than chase his money, I would've done that long ago, you jerk! Stay the fuck away from me! I am fucking done." As soon as you said what you had to, you started walking away, but he grabbed you by the arms and did not hesitate to smash his lips on yours. "You are only done with me when I tell you," he growls. Instead of letting him have his way, you push him as hard as you can, and he does stop. His eyes were filled with anger but shifted as soon as he saw the tears in your eyes. "Y/N...I'm sorry-" you didn't let him finish; you just ran to the door and left the room. Jude hated you so much that he thought so low of you. But he was also confusing you with all this sexual tension and saying one thing and doing another. You wanted nothing to do with him and hoped never to see him again.

Back in the room, Jude grabs the full bottle of whiskey and starts chugging it straight from it. He hated you, yes, that was very fucking clear, but he also wanted you. Every time you were in his presence, he wanted nothing more than to kiss you, taste you and lock you up. But you were not his to keep; you were his best friend's girlfriend. He knows why he says shit that would hurt you badly; it was his way of denying his growing feelings for you, and he couldn't accept it. Jude knew he would hurt you with those words, and he immediately regretted it after seeing your tearing eyes, but how could he be around you, if he kept lusting after you? "Fuck!" he yells and throws the glass bottle across the room.

How do we feel about this one?

Pt. II: https://www.tumblr.com/corriganatheart/713552108767559680/deepest-secret-pt-ii-jude-bellingham-x-reader

[spade-riddles]

Anonymous asked:

your anon asking about why she would look like a weak woman made me think.

In my opinion, Joe leaving (probably earlier than planned) screwed things up. He was supposed to “join her on tour when he could”, remember? There were articles about that even up to the week/days before the opening show….but on opening night, guess who wasn’t there? Guess who wasn’t there the next show either? Or the next?

Much like with reputation, when Tom split and Kimye happened, causing her to disappear, she needed a narrative to cover the songs on the album. Because she wasn’t being seen publicly, she didn’t have a way to plant the seeds of plausible deniability. Think Jake and the scarf. Or Harry and the airplane necklace. Katy Perry and Bad Blood.

So what did she use? The concept of mystique and secrecy in the form of an unknown actor who she magically got photographed with on a balcony in Nashville with. Ask yourself—have you ever seen pap photos of Taylor at her house in Nashville?

If you really listen to Midnights, or well at least when I listen to it, none of the songs make the album a breakup album about Joe. She told us they were different stories from over the course of her life. She even tried to say Lavender Haze was about them, didn’t she?

And what did she do when they “broke up”? Deleted the video even though when we all heard the song, it was clear the message was completely different than what she implied.

Long story short—look at the timeline. You go from a “boyfriend” of 6 years to having a new “boyfriend” weeks later and months later, another new “boyfriend”? Not shaming here, but putting it out on paper.

She’s trying to cover her tracks in the name of plausible deniability. It feels like she’s scrambling for someone to attach future songs to. People aren’t going to want to hear songs about the number singer because of the backlash she got from that. They don’t like the actor now because they decided he cheated. But people will want to hear songs about “Hey Arnold” (aka football head) because they currently think he can do no wrong though his actions have shown otherwise recently. They’ll love him until he affects her directly.

Plus, is this not the same woman who said she doesn’t tell who her songs are about…yet she made it a point to say on the record in LPSS who the person behind the pseudonym William Bowery is? Even though most people know otherwise? That just sticks out to me.

None of what I’ve said excuses her recent stunts or anything, I know; but that’s just what I get from observing the past few eras (reputation, folklore, evermore, midnights) specifically. Not saying the number singer or Hey Arnold have anything to do with those.

[lizisshortforlizard]

Living Dangerously - Chapter 35

Jurassic Park’s animal handlers: none of them ever mentioned by name in Michael Crichton’s original novel. Who were they? What were their lives like on Isla Nublar? Did any of them survive the disaster?

A year in the life of those responsible for the care of the dinosaurs. Many people would kill to have their jobs.

But would they die for it?

Jurassic Park novel/Jurassic Park film (1993)

Viewpoint: 3rd person female oc

Warnings: only mild swears this time (boooo)

Tagging: @heresthefanfiction @ocappreciation @wordspin-shares @howlingmadlady @arrthurpendragon @themaradwrites @starryeyes2000 @kmc1989 (please lmk if you would like informed of my sporadic updates)

Read on Ao3

Chapter 34 | Chapter 36

Should I Stay or Should I Go - The Clash

As the skipper steered away from the dock and out into the fog bank that filled the ocean passage between InGen sites, Lori Ruso only managed to keep sight of Muldoon and Armstrong for a few seconds before they disappeared completely.

In less than a minute, there was no sign that Isla Nublar even existed.

A productive site visit indeed.

She hadn’t made the journey with high hopes, but the sombre man and his that’s-not-my-girlfriend-she’s-just-a-colleague had turned out to be decent people. Lori had no interest in screwing them over, and nothing she had told them was a lie, per se…

But Muldoon’s proposal of a meeting couldn’t have come at a better time. The residents of Nublar had no idea that the “site visit” was the perfect cover for something else altogether.

Unbeknownst to John Hammond’s company, Ruso had received a rather intriguing phone call several weeks prior. It was from a man who seemed particularly interested in her position as a disgruntled current employee, and was offering her a lot of money for-

“That’s all? Just information?” Lori had shivered as she remembered how tight of a leash Ingen currently had her on. “You really aren’t asking me to do anything more…invasive?”

“No-” Lewis Dodgson had replied. “-I got another guy for that.”

***

”You’re panicking about Kathy leaving, aren’t you?” Lizzy felt compelled to say so.

”Panicking?” Muldoon turned to make his way back down the dock. “Hardly.”

“The raptors are coming-” Lizzy thought of the Scotswoman, the Kenyan and the Texan holding down Fort Nublar by themselves. It sounded and felt like a terrible joke. “-and you think three of us alone can handle more than one of them? What if they all turn out like…her?”

“I think one of us alone could handle three of them.” He called back to her as she struggled to catch up without slipping. “Though I’d rather it doesn’t come to that.”

“You may have to-“ Lizzy gasped, mock-dramatically. “-recruit!”

“Hope not. I’ve been lucky, the Team I ended up getting.” Muldoon admitted. “Never expected to get along with, let alone actively like any of you.”

He about-turned so abruptly that Lizzy misjudged her steps and had no choice but to collide head on to keep from swerving off the edge of the algae-covered boardwalk. He caught her around the waist as Lizzy huffed in surprise.

Muldoon didn’t even sway at the impact, so familiar with the shape of her. “Especially you…”

Lizzy wondered if he was also still thinking about Lori’s suggestive comment. Or if he was planning on doing anything about it.

”Even Tom?” She asked dazedly, spouting the first unfortunate words that entered her head. She could picture Arnold eye-rolling and dry-heaving if he were to snoop on them now, images blown up fullscreen on his monitors for the entire workforce to see. “Not just a pretty diversion if things go sideways?”

Muldoon looked down at her sternly.

“Don’t say things like that.” Then, somewhat reluctantly: “Yes, even him.”

”Would it kill you to mention it once in a while?” She asked quietly.

He only stared at her, and Lizzy persevered.

“He has a problem with male authority.” She didn’t have the guts to utter the words father figure.

“So; I’d like to point out, do you.”

”You know what I mean.”

She could see it, crystal clear. Muldoon couldn’t, not yet.

Tom’s past life, why he was that way, made Lizzy desperately sad. She’d already found her own mentor, someone to stick the broken pieces back together stronger than before. Tom’s mentor, standing in front of her now, remained unwilling. “He trusts you. Can’t you see he so badly wants your approval?”

“Suppose.” He was turning sullen, approaching blood-from-a-stone territory, and Lizzy backpedaled in a hurry.

“I’m not asking you to call him son, play catch in the yard and take him on fishing trips!”

“I should bloody well hope not!” He looked horrified. “It’s still asking a Hell of a lot, Armstrong.”

“Even if it’s me that‘s asking you?” She looked up from under her eyelashes, in a way she knew he found disarming.

Rico’s accident had put her on edge, worrying about things left unsaid in case the worst should happen.

”Hmm…think about it.” He finally said begrudgingly. “Don’t get your hopes up-“

The radio crackling surprised them both.

“-uldoon?” Muffled, no doubt by the perpetual cigarette. “-rmstrong? Come in, for the love of Christ-“

Arnold.

“We’re here.” Muldoon didn’t hesitate to answer, reflexively dropping his hold on Lizzy in case of prying eyes.

“-ig trouble.” The engineer was hurrying, not waiting to start talking until after he’d pressed the call button. “-uge. They’re maaaaad.”

“Why? What’s happening?”

“-need to get back to base…-better hope to God you find Regis before they do.”

“Why?” Muldoon and Lizzy looked sideways at each other. “Who’s they?”

***

”Mr Hammond, I have a, er-“ Regis fumbled nervously with the telephone handset. “-an angry mob situation.”

“Oh, really?” His employer sounded only mildly concerned.

”They know about the deal with that Rico kid.” Ed hissed quietly, trying to remember if he’d locked the office door in his panic. “Operation Backhoe.”

“I am in my car-“ Hammond replied tersely. “-en route to collect my daughter from the airport. This is not a good time, Regis.”

“But-“

“You are public relations. This is your job.”

“These are not the public! These are a bunch of very pissed-off animal hand-…hello? Sir?”

Regis was on his own.

They were drawing closer, he could hear lots of cursing in various different languages, and overriding them, loudest of all, a women’s Scottish brogue.

Oh Christ, no.

Hanmering fists on his door.

“Open up, Ed. We just wanna talk.” Baker’s level voice held a lot more venom than usual.

“Go away!” He yelled back, somewhat childishly.

”Why’d you cover it up, pal?” Armstrong demanded.

Kennedy followed suit. ”Yeah, why’d you lie, brother?”

Regis had a hunch that pal and brother weren’t to be taken as friendly terms. At least his life insurance policy was pretty damn watertight, from the looks of things they’d be paying out soon. Death by misadventure.

His boss had abandoned him, and the only way out was through a crowd of angry colleagues.

You got this, Eddie-boy.

Customer service was his niche. He had faced down plenty of entitled middle-aged women in his career. He could do anything. Time to pacify the brands and pitchforks.

“Okay, folks-“ He spread his hands wide, begging forgiveness as he opened the door. “I can explain.”

***

”Right, let’s make this quick.” Muldoon strode into Regis’ office, with only a cursory nod in Wu’s direction. “Remember, we have a funeral to get to.”

It was in fact a memorial service. The funeral itself had been in Portugal, already missed by several days due to management’s erasure, but the animal handlers decided they wanted to remember Rico in their own way regardless.

Muldoon didn’t agree with funerals. For him, it never make the inevitable goodbye any easier, just prolonged it. And he’d attended far too many in recent years. A stark reminder that he himself was getting on a bit. He had less friends above ground than a decade previous. But his team wanted him there. Lizzy wanted him there. His presence mattered.

That was why this end-of-day “urgent” meeting had wound him up so much. A few more minutes and he was in danger of being late, something he couldn’t stand, not at the best of times. Certainly not now.

“Oh, that’s still going ahead? Uh-“ Regis stammered. “I wasn’t planning on-“

“You’re going.” Muldoon ordered bluntly. “Least you can do. Find a clean shirt and get down to that beach.”

Regis nodded mutely and avoided eye contact.

“This better be good news, Wu.” Muldoon quickly got back to the reason he’d been summoned.

“Seven bouncing baby velociraptors are being delivered to you tomorrow.” Wu announced. Then, somewhat condescendingly: “Congratulations!”

Muldoon could already envision the animal handlers taking the news rather poorly, seeing it as an insult to Esteves’ memory. Stiff upper lip, and carry on. Get back to work.

”Seven?” He frowned. “Were we originally planning on that many?”

”Dr Ruso’s department seems to have had a long overdue stroke of luck.” Wu clarified. “A higher than average number of juveniles survived the last incubation cycle.”

”Out of how many viable embryos?”

Henry Wu cast his eyes to the ground; Muldoon shook his head in exasperation. “You don’t know?”

How many had hatched and suffered before finally succumbing?

“Ruso has the numbers.” Regis waved a hand.

Numbers. Was that all they were reduced to now?

”And another thing, that paddock you’ve had built is far too small for seven juveniles, plus an unexpectedly big one. Is it too late to change the itinerary?” Muldoon criticised, scanning the blueprint on the desk, looking for any labels that indicated a perimeter large enough to house eight (eight?!) adult raptors. “Can’t we move them straight into their permanent enclosure?”

He couldn’t see one. Maybe it was unmarked?

Regis and Wu exchanged a glance.

“That is their, er…permanent residence.”

“You have got to be joking.” Wu looked unhappy, Regis was grinning sheepishly. “That’s a holding pen at best.”

Straight up cruelty at its worst.

InGen hadn’t bothered to consult him. It somehow felt personal, this time. Muldoon wasn’t one to network, ever, but didn’t they know who he was?

He sighed deeply and ordered. “Get me Hammond, now.”

***

Muldoon had seen some remarkable things in his lifetime, but the animal handlers clamouring for Ed Regis’ blood while he wrung his baseball cap in his hands was one of the ugliest.

Baker was telling everyone within earshot he lied, he lied to us over and over.

The handlers began demanding to know what had really happened, Regis had cowered before them, then finally lost his marbles and yelled for quiet.

Why didn’t you tell us?

There followed directly from the mouth of Regis some convoluted; and, Muldoon suspected; untrue in parts, though he couldn’t prove it, tale; about how InGen hadn’t wanted word of the incident getting back to the investors, the paperwork (folks, honest to God, the amount of paperwork, you’ve got no idea) of a foreign worker being injured on a privately-owned island but kicking it- er, passing away on the mainland…

Regis had talked for a long time. Until the anger had subsided and the grief had taken over for his audience. Nobody was level-headed enough to question him further, coming to terms with the notion that whatever he said couldn’t change the cold, hard fact that Rico was dead.

That night had been all sorts of messy, Muldoon recalled. Nobody had really known what to do, himself included. Richardson had vanished, and was no use whatsoever.

Armstrong had been struck practically mute, Baker had a constant stream of tears for hours, soundless crying until raw tracks had been worn into her face. He’d finally convinced her to go to bed for Christ’s sake, pretending to ignore that Kennedy had quietly followed her.

He’d wanted nothing more than to disappear, hide from all of them, even Lizzy, with a bottle of the highest proof he could lay hands on because he couldn’t do this again.

The sports fan would have a tough job getting his respect back, not that he’d had much to begin with.

Especially when he said things like-

”That’s not possible.”

Sensing trouble brewing, Wu had quickly excused himself from the office. Meanwhile, neither Regis nor Muldoon was all that happy about being left alone with the other.

“Why isn’t it possible?” Muldoon ground out.

“Time with the family, I’m afraid. Mr Hammond simply cannot be disturbed this week.” Was the infuriating reply.

Regis was assertive, for once. The lad might be somewhat wary of him, but the trembling of his voice meant that he was clearly more afraid of the park‘s creator.

Although, there was another who was capable of making him sweat bullets…

Muldoon very deliberately reached for his radio and pressed down the call button with a crackle.

“Armstrong?” The ginger head jerked up in alarm, remarkably like a meerkat. “Stop whatever you’re doing and come to Regis’ office.”

”Okay, okay, fine!” Ed looked pained, reaching for the phone. “Please, don’t let her in here.”

His eyes darted to the door, windows, ceiling vent, as if he were afraid of any potential entrance Lizzy might suddenly jack-in-the-box from.

”That’s better. And Regis?” Muldoon waited a few moments until he was certain the US mainland number had been input. “Radio was on the wrong channel. She didn’t hear.”

Ed’s mouth fell open in surprise. But it was too late, the phone was already ringing, and with a click, Hammond’s housekeeper answered.

His mind went blank, his entire vocabulary far out of reach.

“Go on.” Muldoon urged.

Ed considered hanging up before it was too late, then reminded himself that the park warden was actually there in the room with him, and readily had access to a shotgun, and a Lizzy.

So he meekly whispered Mr Hammond please.

“Very good.” Muldoon nodded.

“Hello?” Impatiently. Then irately. ”Hello!”

“H-how are you, John?” Golly, he was sweating in places he didn’t even know he had. “It’s Ed.”

“…who?”

Was he serious?

”Ed R-regis. From Jurassic Park, sir.”

”My grandchildren are here, dear boy.” This time around the moniker didn’t sound quite so sincere. “Twice in one week, Regis? Really? Can’t you handle a bunch of zookeepers?”

”Mr Muldoon wants to speak to you, sir. It’s-“ Ed glanced up. “-quite important.”

The park warden nodded reassuringly again, mouthing very important. He straightened up from leaning on the wall and began to stalk slowly around the back of Regis’s desk. Ed tried to swivel his chair to keep him in view, but quickly ran out of telephone cable.

“I told you how to handle Muldoon.” Hammond was beyond exasperated. “Just keep the bottles stocked and he won’t bother you. Not unlike you’re bothering me now.”

“Uh…” The urge to mutter I’msorrysirwon’thappenagain and slam the phone down before scurrying off to hide was unbearable.

“That’ll be all, Regis.” Came the voice from behind him. “Move.”

***

“That is brilliant.” Lizzy exclaimed.

She found Muldoon’s threat of setting his dog on Regis hilarious.

“He’s scared of me. He’s terrified of you.” He had told the story to cheer her up after the memorial, when the news of seven raptors arriving the very next day was not well received, as he’d expected.

“Move.” She mimicked his stern tone and faintly began to chuckle. The relief and finality that follows the wake began to wash over her. Awkward jokes to break through the gloom.

Lizzy was still hurting, and would be for a long time.

“Drink?” Kathy had brushed her elbow, as she turned to follow the rest of the crowd to higher ground. “Food?”

She’d refused.

“It’s what he would have wanted…” Kathy had murmured softly, trying for humour.

Lizzy just shook her head and her friend gave a sad smile before taking Tom’s outstretched hand and letting him lead her away.

She stayed on the beach long after everyone else had left, sitting cross-legged with her toes buried in the sand, watching the waves roll in and wash back out again until horizon and water were merged, the same exact shade of inky blue.

Goodbye, Rico.

When she’d finally stood up and turned around, Muldoon was just there, still waiting patiently to give her a lift back.

She trudged bare-footed up the beach and slumped into his arms.

“Sorry, love.” He muttered against the top of her head. “I ended up running late.”

Blame Regis.

“At least you made it in the end.” Lizzy said simply, just grateful he’d shown. More effort than some.

Hammond’s absence had not gone unnoticed and would not be forgotten, nor this time forgiven.

On the beach at sunset, Kathy had sang in Portuguese, accompanied by Tom’s guitar, her voice rising like a siren over the soft crashing of the waves. Isaac had stood to give his part of the eulogy, faltered while his shoulders heaved, and Lizzy had gently taken the notes from his hand and read out his words, as well as her own.

She was both sad and grateful to have closure. Mostly, Lizzy just missed him, found it unbearably hard to believe she would never see his face again. Just a kid, someone for whom the awe of dinosaurs had truly never got old, the same childlike wonder on the day of his death as of his arrival to the island.

Gone.

“But I hope your tardiness was worth it.” She shrugged off the last of her remorse, trying to find herself again. “Good news?”

“Not really.” He filled her in.

”Seven?!” She was horrified.

”I, hm-“ He had debated telling her the full story when she was less fraught. No point. “-may have played all my cards in one go.”

”What do you mean?”

“I threatened to leave the park, and go to the press about what’s happening here.” He turned to look at her. “I wasn’t bluffing.”

“You-“ Lizzy shook her head and blinked. “I’m sorry, what?!”

”I think Hammond knew I meant it.”

“Oh.” Lizzy’s expression plummeted. Quickfire shock, worry, then anger. “I didn’t realise that leaving was ever seriously an option for you.”

“I said I felt responsible-“

Lizzy’s stomach dropped from sickening heights.

”Do you, for real?”

Why would he accept any form of blame? Why hadn’t he told her he felt that way?

“Of course not-“ Muldoon replied too quickly. “-we all wish that night had played out differently.”

Lizzy felt his fingers tighten on her hip, and wasn’t sure if she was in the place of a subconscious Scotch glass or the stock of a gun.

“Kinda seems like the sort of thing you should have talked to me about first.”

”Seems like the sort of thing you should trust me to handle.” His hand fell away from her side. “I’ve known Hammond for a very long time. You need to make everything seem like it’s his brilliant idea. He gets the hump if it’s your idea.”

“Uh-huh.”

”I do know what I’m doing.” She was hiding her face, resolutely staring downwards. “Lizzy?”

“Yeah?” She was tired, and it took all the fight she had left to not turn her shoulders and face away from him.

“He compromised. I’m getting weapons that will actually stop a dinosaur in its tracks. About damn time.”

Surely, that would brighten her otherwise terrible, getting-worse-by-the-second day?

“Compromised…” She fixated on the word. “Are telling me you asked for more and didn’t get it?”

Muldoon paused. “The raptors won’t be getting a bigger paddock. Not anytime soon.”

”Well, at least you got what you wanted.” She murmured bitterly. She might need Lori’s help with welfare requirements sooner than expected. “Screw what I want.”

“Listen, I want the best for these animals too.” Enough of the hiding, she would bloody well look at him. “Do you have any idea how concerned I am about integrating twenty-three-oh-eight with the younger ones in such a small space?”

“It’s an ethological nightmare.” Lizzy agreed, her voice flat. “I honestly have no idea how we’ll do it safely. I don’t think we can.”

“Tomorrow’s problem.” He shrugged. “And it will definitely be a problem.”

They both stared out to sea, listening the the water, the seabirds, and the sound of Lizzy’s nostrils flaring as she angrily breathed.

“You could have come with me, you know. Left. Back to Africa.” He said gruffly.

Lizzy blinked. Back? With him? Like…together?

”Oh-…it’s not that simple-“ Her voice was gentler. She reached up and tugged at her own hair in frustration. “I can’t just go. Hammond’s funding the elephant project, back in Namibia.”

Muldoon’s daydream of having Lizzy move in with himself and his daughter was raptured away. He had let himself hope too much.

Her research was in danger of drying up. If dinosaurs existed in captivity who would care about wild elephants when a couple of years down the line they could just make some more?

Extinction was no longer final.

“They really can’t lose that funding.” She explained. “They only get it if I stay here.”

She was thoroughly wrapped up in InGen’s web. A financial decision that had seemed like a godsend at the time but now only made her ties to the company that much harder to sever. Muldoon wondered if her lawyer man had taught her well enough, if she had read her contract in full before she signed the dotted line, or if things were about to get messy indeed.

“Sod it. I bet they’d rather have you than the money.” Tomorrow’s problem. “I know I would.”

“Stop it.” Half-heartedly swatting him away, she was only pretending to be mad, now. “Oh, please. They couldn’t wait to see me out of Africa.”

Peace at last. Muldoon smirked. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

”How many of them have called me, hm?” She demanded. “Or wrote?”

“Well, none. Because you aren’t a soldier gone off to war.”

“Feels like it sometimes.” She reeled off her long list of injuries in her head, not even counting the emotional damage she’d incurred.

And yet, Lizzy wondered, if she was truly free to go, would she really want to leave? She might not be able to return.

No, not yet.

At least, not by myself.

“I can think of at least one person who misses you.” Muldoon added.

”At least one.” She quoted. “Great. That’s…great.”

They stood, watching the stars appear one by one, the odd meteorite whizzing overhead through the clear skies, sauropod lowing and the odd Tyrannosaur rumble echoing over the island.

”But would you go? If you could?” He asked, somewhat awkwardly. “…with me, I mean?”

Lizzy quashed her eyebrow-raise. As if he still doubted her feelings towards him after all this time.

”I would.” A no-brainer really. “Of course I would.”

***

“Weapons, Robert?” The Animal Supervisor sniffed. “Getting rather Lord of the Flies in here, isn’t it?”

The ever-present, ever-demoralising Richardson. Always a joy to be in his presence.

Muldoon recalled a particularly unpleasant conversation with Armstrong’s main antagonist, tacked on at the end of yet another pointless meeting that could have been a memo.

“Isn’t Elizabeth a little above you, education-wise?” Gammon-faced Richardson was belittling as usual. “Remind me, what’s your doctorate in again?”

The portly man really couldn’t resist trying to draw a reaction out of him every chance he got.

“Well, is she beneath me or is she above me, which is it?” Muldoon made the mistake of entertaining his drivel by replying. “Make up your mind.”

“No need to snap, Robert! I’m just saying it's a bad idea to get involved with a woman who has more letters after her name than you.” Richardson preached smugly. “They start having opinions. Thinking for themselves.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” Muldoon shrugged. “All I’m hearing is you still can’t control her, and you don’t like it.”

“Neither can you. That one does what she feels like.”

“At least she respects my orders.”

“When it benefits her!” Richardson countered. “She’ll get what she wants and then drop you, mark my words.”

”Then she’s playing a very long game.” He pointed out. “I’m not sure L-…Armstrong has the patience.”

Nor the capacity for such a detailed lie.

“Ask yourself, what does she see in you, apart from the salary and benefits?” The man just wasn’t letting it go. “And more importantly, what do you see in her?”

Sometimes she does seem too good to be true…

Nope, we’re not doing that. Not today.

”None of your business.”

”Go on. There must be a reason, and it can’t possibly be as stereotypically bland as ‘her mind’.” Richardson had noticed his hesitation, and his tone was loaded with disdain. “I genuinely can’t understand why you’re so useless when you’re around her. You let her get away with murder, Robert-“

”I wasn’t paying into my pension-“ He muttered.

”What was that?” Richardson interrupted.

“I wasn’t planning on living long enough to need it.” He said uncomfortably, though he’d gone with something factual. “But my feelings on the matter have recently changed.”

“My God, that’s nauseating. I suppose there’s ways of getting them to be quiet. At least she’s decent-looking, though that won’t last.” Richardson dismissed him.

Muldoon felt his patience running out exponentially. “Watch your-“

“You’d do well to not get caught doing anything…untoward.” He interrupted smugly yet again. “If I catch you I’ll have no choice but to report you to Palo Alto, and Hammond. Something I will take great pleasure in doing.”

“Nothing to catch.” Muldoon grunted.

”Good. Remember; InGen can separate you, quite easily. I hear she’s wanted over on Sorna.”

How was everybody hearing things all the time? Who ran the Nublar gossip column?

Face it, probably Arnold.

“And they’re even stricter about visitors over there.” Richardson prodded further. “Restricted access for conjugal visits.”

“What on Earth are you talking about?” Muldoon shook his head. “Nobody’s moving to Sorna, and I told you, nothing to catch.”

“At least it’s a warm body.” Richardson hesitated, savouring the moment. “That’s probably good enough for you, given your circumstances.”

Muldoon didn’t have the words or the ability to hold his temper any longer.

He chose to leave the room before he did anything rash. Not that he’d regret it, but because Richardson would likely never recover from what he had in mind.

***

Thanks for reading!

I always choose the chapter titles/songs very carefully. I originally picked Fado Português by Amália Rodrigues, a beautiful sad song which is the one I imagined Kathy sang on the beach, but The Clash seemed more meaningful/ominous from Muldoon’s point of view. “If I go there will be trouble, if I stay there will be double”.

Also I was rewatching Stranger Things S1 while I was editing this. Again.

[pollywiltse]

There was an Entertainment Weekly interview with JJ Feild back in 2016 where I really thought he said that Turn had decided that Clinton and André were in a relationship, but frankly given the expression on André's face after he hands him the glass, it looks more like André is reluctantly putting up with Clinton grabbing his ass for the sake of his career. (I guess this is actually "the Clinton pod person" and "the André pod person" since neither of them seem to have that much to do with their historical counterparts. Also almost all of the historical claims JJ makes in that interview are somewhere between "uh, not quite" and completely wrong.)

This would make me sad and uncomfortable if it was the real André, especially because he was really not in a position where he could piss Clinton off. He was a brevet major, not a real major, so if he ever left Clinton's family, he would get booted back down to especially junior captain (because he had gone down in seniority when he was playing musical commissions so he could stay in America and his brother could go back to England), possibly with a black mark against his name for the next time he tried for a promotion to major because London was still pissed he tried to jump the line the first time. (Clinton tried to promote André to actual major around the time he also was appointed deputy adjutant general, but Lord Jeffrey Amherst, who had to approve it, pitched a fit and said neither of the Andrés he could find - John and his brother - had been a captain long enough and Captain André wasn't getting promoted, whoever the fuck he was, so screw you.) There's a bit in Hatch where he quotes from one of André's letters to a family member (Hatch thinks his uncle John-Lewis) where he's explaining how the commission swap is good for William's career, but uh, oh yeah, it's kind of not so great for him: Should he fall from favor, or should Clinton be replaced, he could "stagnate", as he puts it, at "the bottom of the captains, with the retrospect of my disappointment for the amusement of my leisure hours." This is probably not unrelated to his poor life decision to go meet Arnold himself. (The bit where Clinton periodically tried to ragequit was presumably not doing great things for André's stress levels either, especially because it took months to find out either way. I'm semi-convinced that the reason André spent a significant part of the last year or so of his life being sick was caused by having to deal with Clinton. That or malaria.)

Fortunately the real André got promoted because he was intelligent, hardworking, freakishly good at getting people to like him, and if we're going to be completely honest probably a little bit of a brownnoser, not because he was having a sexual relationship of dubious consent with his boss. Also his career seems to have been on a basically vertical trajectory even before he met Clinton, and Grey was actively shoving him under Clinton's nose so he would be able to stay a staff officer when Grey went back to England.

But as for Turn!dré, the idea of that particular cliche being especially long-suffering while his boss sexually harasses him is hilarious, because André looking like he's about five seconds away from putting either his own or someone else's head through the nearest wall is one of the funniest things about the show.

("It's almost eight. At eight o'clock, he's going to walk in, and come up behind me, and smell my hair. I don't know why he wants to smell my hair. It's the eighteenth century and none of us have washed out hair in months and scented pomades can only do so much, especially when their base ingredient is lard. But he's going to smell my hair anyway. I hope he enjoys it. And then he's going to go sit down at his own desk and I'm going to open the bottom drawer, take out that bottle of wine, and have my fifth drink of the day. From the bottle. In plain sight. Because I don't care. There are his footsteps. Here he comes. Five, four, three...")

[cherrraty]

a bunch of character portraits i did instead of working on shit i should have been working on!!

charlemagne (chip), jarvis, del, acer, and ajax (in that order! yahoo!)

ive been trying to push my colors more especially when i have symbolism in mind for a character. i like how these turned out :^)

i also drew their PC's portraits for the game they play!! (below the cut)

wait, okay. the image desc for that is so long you cant read it. ill paste it.

[image ID:

a series of five portraits.

first portrait: On a slate grey background with jets leaving contrails between sparse grey clouds, an older man with prominent white mutton chops and a cap that covers his eyes. He has two large catlike ears that stick out from under his hat, and a vaguely catlike nose. He wears a large dark-colored cloak. His colors are muted blues and greys, and his expression is not readable. Second Portrait: A saturated blue background strung with dark wires and splotches of teal. A whitish-blue android with an oblong head and a scope for one eye. He is smooth and polished, with a large black cord connecting his head to his back. He has armor on one shoulder, the strap extending over his chestplate. Third Portrait: A girl with short bangs at profile. She has a headband like a crown, with gold spikes like the sun extending from it. She has a head covering not unlike that of a nun, black and white, but it only stretches just below her ears, below which more of her dark greenish hair splays out. She wears a white collared shirt under a black jacket whose collar sticks up. Behind her, a dark brown background with a bright circle like a sun just behind her face, which lights her in a rich yellow. Fourth Portrait. A man with sunglasses who looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator. One of the lenses has a bright red light shining from behind it. He wears a black tactical vest and has one metal arm. His brown hair is cropped short, and he is muscular. He wears a stern expression, the front of his face starkly lit while the rest of him is cast in dark shadow. His lenses flare. Behind him, a black background with read laser lines extending outward. Fifth Portrait: A boxy robot on a red and yellow background patterned like panels of metal and screws. It is made of dark cobalt metal, with a square body and a head that extends on one pole. Its head is bean-shaped, with one scope and another small glowing green eye. It looks a bit like wall-e. On its body, glowing green and red lights, as well as one pincher-like arm extending from a static turning joint. Red and green wires connect from its head, neck, and body.

end ID.]

[popculturebuffet]

The KaBlammiest Retrospective: KaBlam! Season 4 Review: See Ya When We See Ya (Comission for Cory Bryant)

Hey there kablammoids, assume the crash position, keep your heiner in the recilner and get ready for more KaBlam! It's been a long ride but we're almost at the end: we're at the show's final season and next time we have some loose ends, some final thoughts, and close out this retrospective proper.

For now though we're looking at Season 4 of KaBlam, the final season, one constantly shuffled and screwed around by the network. The "screwed by the network" part isn't remotely suprising as Nick, for all the warm fuzzies it brought us as kids... has a track record of being absolutely awful in how it treats it's shows. A show is LUCKY if it gets two seasons most of the time, especially nowadays, and even if you do get those two seasons or more, the final season may be shuffled around all hours of the night and day so that you can't actually watch it. KaBlam, Danny Phantom, Hey Arnold, a LOT of nick shows had their final seasons just.. trickeled around. And tha'ts if your lucky: once sister network Nicktoons was established it became Nick's go to to dump off a series when it didn't meet their impossible expectations (I.e. being an overnight success, of which only Loud House has really met those goals in recent years), the third season of My LIfe as a Teenage Robot was left in limbo for years, and currently they just decided to.. not air the rest of big nate season 2 at all and remove the rest from paramount+. Viacom is awful is what i'm getting at and always has been.

So KaBlam getting kicked in the teeth in it's final go round wasn't a suprise. It's also not suprising given the series meta nature that they amped up the shots at the network, creating Mr. Stockdale, the exec running KaBlam this season to clearly vent about how brainless the execs at Nick were/still are.

It's also clear even with a possible spinoff.. they knew they were towards the end. There's episodes about the kids fretting about their future careers, and the ending makes it clear they knew they probably weren't coming back, leaving it OPEN to a return (or a revivial, HINT HINT PARAMOUNT), but knowing it probably won't happen. The end was a comin and this was a last hurrah and the Henry and June shorts made the most of this.

Outside of the host segments, there's a unique feel to the season: Sniz and Fondue are now truly gone, and in their absence we get more pilots than ever. There are a TON more animated shorts this season. This is a mixed blessing as there's a ton of great new shorts and we get not one but TWO music videos for they might be giants as well as a wholly original concept from the same team as the Henry and June segments, Dave Son of Hercules, and some true bangers to go out on.. but also a few misfires that were likely given the space as they needed whta they could get. It feels right though that KaBlam goes out with an influx of original shorts: it came in giving indie animators a shot and goes out giving every last one it had left a shot.

This torch would be picked up by O-Yeah Cartoons at least, but that's a story for maybe another day. For now let's see what KaBlam saved for it's final act.

As I mentoined in the overview , the final season of Henry and June shorts doubles down on the mocking of executives as their now given a character to represent them, Fred Stockdale.

Mr. Stockdale is a spacey old man who is barely aware of anythinmg happening to him, takes naps in his office frequently, and forgets what he's doing. He is a burden to deal with most times our heroes have to and most times he interjects with the show he messes with it. The writers were not subtle.

Stockdale features in about half of the episodes and how entertaining he is largely depends on the joke. Him just saying Henry and June's names wrong or being spotty.. is something i've seen done better by better characters

He works best when he's clearly just off in his own weird world, offering them snacks when they bring up a labor dispute, smashing his cell phone because it annoyed him , not realizing he's lost in the woods, or spending a good chunk of the show's budget on a train because he likes choo choos. He is also decent satire, showing how execs tend to be completely detached from projects they have far too much say in.

Another thing i noticed is the show keeps it's secondary cast around. Henry's mom appears for the third season in a row and gets two apperances, and i'm utterly exastic to report Jimmy , June's sidekick from last season returns.

Stylistically season 4 of Henry and June largely trucks on. While there are more shots at the network, and again not unresonably, it's otherwise a lot like season 3

That being said even with the unfair cancelation.. you can feel fatigue setting in a bit. The first half has a decent ep or two, but as I typed out my thoughts on each episodes I realized a lot of these are just.. meh. Not terrible to watch, but nothing really special like the last two seasons. There's an exception or two but most of these are just passable. Not bad, but probably best the series ended where it did. I do wish Marek would ge tmore work though as his work is great and the art here is as good as ever, and the final episode and his original segment for it show he still had legs. It's just clear they kinda took these two as far as they could.. and makes me dread the spinoff pilot next time. For now though..

Sasquatchersise: Henry and June have put on some weight, which heavily reminds me of a later home movies episode with the same premise, but honestly does it just as good: turns out they have to pass a physical fitness test and there's only one man who can help them

Yes fitness guru Richard Simmons. For those less familiar with him he was a fitness instructor who made a killing via vhs and has currently retreated from the public eye. He's doing fine, he simply decided to live privately and occasionally post on facebook. And honestly given the number of celebrties going the right wing jackass route, it's refresshing that richard simmons isn't ranting into daily wire he's simply.. retired. That's it. That's all. Good fo rhim

He tries his best but ultimately can't help the two loose weight in time.. thankfully in a really nice button it turns out they just have to withstand slapstick. A decent start to the season, mostly because I have a soft spot for Richard due to a combo of my grandma having his tape as a kid and that simpsons bit.

Takes a Knockin and Keeps Tick Tockin: This is a strike episode, as Henry goes on strike after finding out Mr Stockdale is having him injured for money. Given the sheer amount of abuse Henry takes, I can't say I blame him. June naturally only gets involved when she gets hurt and even more naturally they get replaced by robots.. and only get their jobs back because the robots malfunction. This one has a good start but fizzles out in the second half. The robots thing just isn't that funny nor is our heroes begging for their jobs back. It's mehtacular!

In It To Win It: A fantastic one as Henry and June get a today show style window outside their set and quickly the fandom grates on them. From unsettling hairy men to june cosplayers beating June up not realizing it's her, to their attempts to ignore them leading to their viewers looting the set it's a really great time.

The Best of Both Worlds: Our heroes want to go to the real world and try various shenanigans to get there. The first half is fine, but it really gets good in the back half when they casually find out there's just.. a door to the real world and we get real kids in wigs overdubbed playing the two, who decide the pain isn't worth it. My faviorite part is the final joke as it turns out Mr Foot just gets pizza from the real world all the time and our heroes hot doggin and grandstanding quickly deflates. Decent stuff but like Takes a Knockin and Keeps Tick Tockin, a bit lopsided.

A Nut in Every Bite: This one's a tad dervative as "boy gets crush on girl but won't actually talk to her" is a Nickelodeon staple. What works here is unlike some of Nick's own examples, Henry is portrayed as an idiot for not talking to Mr Stockdale's niece dawn, especially since she makes it clear she just wants him to say it himself. Henry doing more slapstick than usual to get her attention and June's utter exapseration make this one work.

Now With More Flava: This one is just.. depressing in hindsight. It's one of the better eps of the season objectveily, but it's VERY hard to seperate from reality. The opening bit is funny as our heroes find John Stamos, who I think is voice dby himself, working security and worry their star is fading. The thing is.. the characters stock DID go down eventually: while they did host segments fo ra while they disappeared and unlike most other nick shows from the era, nick dosen't seem to give one iota of a shit about this one nostalgicly: henry and june are just.. absent form murals, posters, group shot merch, all that good stuff. So this episode was just sadly prophetic, ending with the two working security themselves after trying to cash in.

Timeless: This one is a lot of fun as the two bury a time capsule and our heroes keep pissing off mr foot by forcing him to redig it: We get henry trying to bury his report card, June dumping out the stuff henry wanted for her merch, and a giant capsule getting dumped into some poor guys apartment. It's good stuff. The ending, mr foot stuffing them in , is fine if a bit obvious. Still it's such a fun segment it's hard to complain too long.

The Ka-Blair Witch Project: Another classic. The Ka-Crew have a team building retreat in the woods, with Henry, June and Mr Foot joined by Jimmy, Mr Stockdale and Henry's Mom in her final apperance. Mr Foot abandons them, even if he comes back in the credits, leading to lots of fun hyjinks from our heroes. It's good stuff. I've seen plenty of camping disaster episodes, but this one benefits from using the characters to their fullest.

Going the Extra Mile: This one.. was annoying. Ryan, an annoying kid from their class, wins a fan contest. His voice just.. grates on me on an atomic level and his schtick is something i've seen on a LOT of shows and done better. You know the drill. And given it was almost 2000 by this point, it's late neough in the shows run that I can't give it as much slack for this. The annoying fan plot was done better and would be done even better after this. Spongebob and Flight of the Conchords eat this episodes lunch. As does the film hot rod if only for richardson's sweet moves.

On the bright side Ryan does get shoved in the trunk of Mr. Foot's car, which h'es excited about as he's driven off to dig his own grave.

Under New Managment: This one is okay. Mr Stockdale tasks our duo with firing mr foot, a task made hard by the fact he won't wake up for them to do it. Henry tries twice, mostly because well Mr Foot has pummled him a bunch. The payoff joke, that they get him a new job as an executive is fine, it's just a forgetable plot>L it's a good concept they just don't do much with it apart from June getting him a job as an air traffic controller... so mr foot murdered a LOT more than the three people we've seen thus far on his way out. classic mr foot

Just Chillin: Our grand finale and while the rest of the episodes are mostly ... fine, Just Chillin is an instant classic and a worthy finale for these segments and the show as a whole. It's got a simple meta premise: Henry wants to make KaBlam more exciting as they don't know how much time they have left in the show , a nod that this could be the last episode and ended up being it. This is one of those episodes written as a finale, but not as defntiive in case the show got renewed. It didn't but this serves as a great one.

So they decide to have a KaBlamaganza! Pomp, ninjas and train chases... and the consequences of trying to give the people more than they could ask for results in their budget going away: the actor for the train fight gets fired, with Mr Stockdale hilariously trying to fill in, our heroes are reduced to black and white then cutouts, then learn their lesson and get their animation back.. not because they learned an animation but because Mr. Stockdale likes Choo Choos. They get hit by a train.. and will see us when they see us. It's a fitting end.. a bit of slapstick, some meta jokes, and a goodbye that feels final rather than the usual "see you next time". It hit hard, and i'm REALLY going to miss this show and while it was a releif getting to the end, as this project while fun has also been exausting and gotten delayed at times, it was also deeply sad. I'll miss this show.. and i'll miss you henry and june. Thanks for.. oh right we still have a LOT of ground to cover. My apologizes.

Action League Now!'s final season goes out on a high note, fitting as they'd later get their own show repackaging these segments for people who only liked this show and not the rest of kablam

Or just wanted to rerun the episodes without the league. There is one short specific to a tryout special for said series we'll get to next time.

Season 4 is mostly the same, with the quality going back up to around season 3 with the exception of two episodes. The big diffrence from the other seasons is movie parodies: Outside of the Jaws parody "Incident at Chlorine Lake", Action League now mostly stuck to either broader genre parodies or it's own thing. Even it's parody of aliens landing films was mostly "how badly can our heroes fuck up first contact. For the record it's sonly real tv/comics parody the red ninja being a parody of storm shadow from gi joe and the heroes that upstaged them being based on the challengers of the unknown.

Season 4 on the other hand is half movie parody, half buisness as usual and one literary parody with Flowers for Algernon. We get parodies of Armageddon, Jurassic Park, Face/Off, and for some reason Stephen King's Thinner. It works due to most of the parodies working well with the show, and a nice spread of regular stories. The Face Off Parody in paticular is my faviorite for reasons we'll get to shortly. Otherwise it's one last hurrah for the action loosers as they once again fuck up a bunch, somehow save the day, and go out with a great final season. I started pretty salty on this show but I can't help but love action league now er.. now. It's creative, hilarious, and lasted long enough to do a LOT with the premise and the world , but not so long it wore out it's welcome. I'll miss these idiots.

The Naked and the Dumb: A rare short that shadows the main Henry and June plot. The team is given apptitude tests to stay in the league and everyone passes.. including meltman somehow. Frankly i'm suprised he didn't stab himself iwth a pencil repdeately. The Flesh of course drew a kitty and thus is going to get kicked out, and the team needs him since he's their tank. We get a fun bunch of destructive hyjinks as they try to teach him, the great visual gag of them just.. writing notes on him, and the amazing punchline: he drew a doggy instead. I like both personally but hey it's a decent start to a great season.

Winds of Evil: The Mayor menaces people with a giant fan. At least he's not throwing them into it. It's a simple but amazing premise. At the same time the action league don't want to party at stinky's because he lives in an actual toilet, a joke so simple it's amazing. He refuses to shelter them after feeling snubbed by this, and only saves their lives if they agree to spend a weekend at his beach place, which was a porta potty a joke way better than it has any right to be, just like this episode.

Chickie Chickie Bang Bang: The Mayor tries to black market chicks, played by actual baby chickens, who are adorable.. and also peck out his eyes. The League is forced to calm them. This one was okay. Great premise, somehow not at all memorable.

Armageddon Out Of Here: Great title and a solid armageddon parody. It uses the same framework, our heroes have to blow up a meteor, but uses our heroes stupidity and selfishness well. They only agree to the mission because they get to blow shit up, and end up stranded because Flesh forgot the explosives, though still giving us an explosively good episdoe. I also applaud it for just.. leaving the league stuck there. While their back next episode I like to think there's at least one timeline where Chief is free of this mummy's curse of a team and maybe gets a spinoff in florida with bill the lab guy.

Yurplastic Park: This one is weak. it's a Jurassic Park Parody

That's all they have. I expect better and dumber from this show. It's one good joke is our heroes and the dinosaurs being saved because of sequels. I mean I do like the one where the guy realizes he shoudln't of given his robot dinosaur a penis because like everything with a penis it's gonna want to use it's penis.

Grief for the Chief: Thankfully the episode rebounds with one of the series best. The team's stupidity puts Chief in a coma and they remember all the good times.. and all the times they accidently injured him, either through good nature or stupidity. it's both sweet to see how much they genuinely like the chief.. and hilarous that his rage over their actions wakes him up. Simpsons had a similar gag, but this ones just diffrent enough to be great too. Good stuff.

Hey! Who Stole My Face?: I just read that title while picturing nicholas cage screaming it. Your welcome. Anyways it's a face off parody in that face's get swapped, so it's a loose one.. but ti works: the chief and the mayor get their faces on each others bodies.. and it's both so obvious and so hilarous. Everyone including bill is an idiot about this, so the Cheif has to rely on stormy, the dog I forget's on the team half the time to escape a prison beating, while the Mayor easily traps the league.. and the mayor looses his actual face. One that thrives purely on it's visual gags but what a gag it is

A Flesh of Genius: This one's boosted by a brand new villian, smarty pants, a baby doll dressed up as a neurotic nerd.. aka what I look like as far as you know. Our heroes cram the world's knowledge into face to keep it safe from this know at all, only for this to backfire as the flesh is now a smug jerk who constantly corrects grammar and is a pain to bea round. The Flesh normally kills or injures a LOT of people daily, but he's at least not telling the chief that you and I shit. You and me is just as fine. We get a final chess duel between the two, and the flesh loosing his intellect but winning by pure luck. A solid ep that uses a well worn premise decently.

Tune Up of Terror: Hodge Podge's final hurrah as he hyjacks the action mobile remotely. The premise is clever, he's using an rc remote, but otherwise the ep is just kinda.. eh. Meltman driving is kinda funny, I cant really knock him for taking a while to get a liscnse as I don't have one, but I can mock him for not being funny. He.. he no funny. Dammit. You win this round Meltman

What's Eating the Flesh: This episode has a great premise: the flesh rides a diseased guiena pig

And thus spreads a flesh eating virus to the team. I love how their left as head, how the treesap cure is dish soap and how when bill looks at the virus he sees mrs pac man. It's great. It's big drawback is that it has a racist sterotype bill goes to for help and I can't really FULLY enjoy the ep as a result. It's just bad even by late 90's/year 2000 standards. That Pac Man joke is an all timer though. one of the best in KaBlam as a whole.

Fatter: This one is just.. bad. They make a parody of Stephen King's it, where an old romani woman curses the chief.. only he overeats instead of looses weight.

It's painful, miildly gross and i'ts only redeeming factor is the chief blowing up after the ypop him and even that gets too gross to fully enjoy. A really whimper of an ending for the shows KaBlam run that makes me glad there's one more short to cover.. three actually but two are pilots. more on that next time.

So here's a shocker... I loved this season of Prometheus and Bob. Yes.. really. After three seasons of just absolute abivelence to this segment, just checking out to the point I went into a sleep deprived tangent last time... I loved this season of the show. The segments were funnier, played with the formula well and had more jokes than "caveman don't get it and monkey is asshole". I'm happy I enjoyed at least one batch of these: the premise isn't bad, the claymation is great and the two leads designs are iconic. It just wasn't for me... but i'm happy to say this season was.

Softball: Bob learns to

IQ: Bob takes an IQ test...... it took a second to figure it out because the wikipedia entry for this, which I use as the episode guide for prometheus and bob on the kablam wiki uses the number for the tape instead of the actual episode order. But this one was REALLY funny. Bob is given a test to put blocks in holes.. and puts promethus in a rock nearbye... just makes hims tand in a corner. So not only does bob get the test for once, but it's hilariously done.

Tape One: This was my faviorite as it's one of the most obvious things to do, but it fits they held off till the final batch: we see how Prometheus met bob. Prometheus comes down, and the other caveman understandably run away as they really can't.. comprehind the thin alien man. Bob dosen't.. because his hair is really stupid long and passes out. We do get a geninely nice moment form Prometheus who is usually just.. hung up on his job.. but cuts bob's hair to help him see. It's practical sure but it drives home he's really TRYING to help bob he just dosen't get that maybe bob dosen't need every advancement prometheus tries. We also find out why bob's bald, which isn't info I needed but I love the explination: he got a hold of the clippers and kept going and apparently just.. keeps doing that. He laso defends prometheus from the other cavemen, before prometheus rescues them both. Also they were going to eat the monkey. It's a fun origin story: we didn't NEED these explinations, but they were fun to find out which is how a good origin story should go.

Exercise: I forgot this one so..

Hey I said I liked this season I didn't say I liked every episode.

Dating: Prometheus tries to wingman for bob, which is cute. It dosen't go well, and she ends up falling for Prometheus but he tried. One of the series best.. which coming from me is nothing, but I still really liked this one. I especially liked the monkey for once NOT fucking everything up and instead just comforting bob at the end.

Pet: .. I dont' have anything for this one. Uh... here's wolverine fighting a dinosaur?

Yeah!

Evolution: Okay this one is REALLY fun as Promethus just.. gives up and tries to speed up bob's evolution.. and accidently ends up devolved. So we get a model swap which is a lot of funa nd had to be a lot of effort. I also like the solution: Monkey HYPER evolves and resets everything. This is also the final short and feels like a proper finale. Seriously every recurring segment seems to go out on a high EXCEPT action league now. It's weird. Speaking of which

It's time to bid farewell to Life with Loopy, which was always one of my faviorite segments, but I can say with confidence after four seasons is KaBlam's best. It's the most consistent, creative and fun of the recurring segments and goes out on a high note. Season 3 is a touch better, but Season 4 is still really good. Shorter, like Prometheus and Bob it was in less episodes and thus there's not AS much but what's there of this last batch is pure quality. The show ends well and i'm REALLY sad to see this one go. There may never be another show like you loopy. Thanks for letting me see your life.

Alternative Hamsters: Loopy experiments with Alternative Energy. Huh if I'd known about this one I would've snuck it into the earth day specail. At any rate this naturally leads to her hamster turning into a giant monster and her having to save it from teh military blowing the poor guy up real good. Thankfully she realizes her hamster can run on a wheel to provide energy to the whole town. A pretty standard start to the season, which says a lot about this show and a lot about me that this dosent phase me. It's not a radioactive killer hamster from a planet near mars after all.

Mister Macho: Larry gets bullied at the beach, but chooses to be chill about it. Loopy, is not so chill and uses an old muscle man add in a comic. Larry turns into a hulked up rage monster... which somehow is a very COMMON PLOT: skinny kid gets buff then lets it go to his head. It's done very well here it's just.. weird that for once the stock plot is something this oddly specific. It happens quite a bit but we never really talk about it. even simpsons did it, but we don't talk about that one for a lot of good reasons. Also it was marge instead of bart for some reason. I do like how it's solved; turns out the guy who made it's Zen now and helps larry loose his muscles and his zen attitude scares the guy off. Which is good because Loopy would've torn him assunder. After all where Zen ends, asskicking begins.

Times Up: Loopy beats click by a decade or two by making a fast forwarding remote. Instead of learning a lesson about time, she has to run from the time police. I love how she's entirely flippant to them. It's a common theme honestly. She gives not one iota of a fuck to the powers that be and it's amazing.

I (Don't) Belivie I Can Fly: Dave the Canadian Duck is back!

Dave's migrating again and since his best buddy left the south pole with him to attend to some pressing matters

He's back to get help migrating again. This time Loopy teaches him to fly a plane. It's a cute little episode as Dave is forced to face his fear and I love these two's little friendships and his promise to see her again next year. Sadly we woudln't see that.. but I like to think he just showed up every year to visit.

Good Food Gone Bad; This is a classic loopy premise: she takes a concept literally and turns out to be right. I am glad the show broke out of this formula, finding more weird shit to do, but it's kinda nice to go back to it once in a while. Staying in a formula forever can be draining but you can still find new life in it. And they do as Loopy's mnilk goes bad and she tries to help him on the wrong side of the track, dealing with a bad guy bar for expired food, a literal bad egg and a gang of greaser milk including her old one who she finds new lives for as cheese. It's wholesome, creative and has a lot of fun designs, this show in a nutshell.

Down the Drain: Loopy deals with a clog. This one's fine. Also I just now found out their family's last name is cooper. Huh.

Rock N Roll Loopy: My faviorite of the batch. We finally meet Bugsteak, Larry's faviorite band and I like how they've kept his love of them consistent. They haven't come up in a WHILE, but it's nice that they werne't forgotten. Larry can't afford tickets to their concert so he asks for tickets, since their down with the youth. Now Bugsteak IS within their rights to tell him "no thank you", or to at least make it up. Instead their response is, summed up...

Loopy is naturally pissed and while Larry sleeps at a friends house, she confronts bugsteak at their hotel. She points out their current fancy livin, lalalalala, and stuck up ways have made them loose touch with thier fanbase and dares them to spend one night like a real kid.

So we get a lot of funny bits as Bugsteak is not happy with meatloaf (which I don't get at all as a meatloaf guy), has to listen to dad talk for several years, and mom cuts their hair. They realize they were wrong, make a song about the experince and sing it to Larry. I just love this concept: a bunch of stuck up 90's rockers being put off by having to live like teens again. It's fucking great and the live action actors do a great job as bugsteak.

Bargin Hunters From Beyond the Stars: Is a decent finale. I admit the episode above would've made a better one, but it's still a good note to go out on. Loopy has a yard sale and sells most of the stuff they had.. but accidnetly sells her dad to a pair of aliens and has to find a trade. The gag is once again he goes on too long, which seems to be a trait exclusive to these final two episodes, but it fits the guy well enough that I don't mind nor do I mind it being reused as the contexts are diffrent: with bugsteak it's simply what Larry goes through every night, while here it's the old "annoy the aliens into getting rid of you" chestnut. It's a decent ending to an incredible show.

While our time together was way shorter, I'll also really miss race rabbit. It was a fun segment and it's , like most of kablam, sad ot see it go. But it goes out with both a nice cluster of episodes and on a high note.

Dog/Prince/Ham: Race has to deal with Gold Dingo, a mysterious criminal mastermind whose also a dog, and of course the boolies.. thought his time they pretend to like gold dingo, have kidnapped the prince.. only for the bigger boolie to get beaten up. I also like how he saves the prince: getting him out of the car and letting Gold Dingo go off a cliff a sdog's can't read. I don't know the science on that but ti's a goofy enough gag to get a pass

Robot Rabbit: I prefer Rabbot myself. Race dates a robot rabbit which can relate, but it dosen't work out as it was made by the boolies. How fast he moves is funny as is Max being exasperated for good reason for once.

The Championship: The finale and fittingly the best episode of the shorts. Race has to deliver the secret to strawberry cream, but has to deal with a bunch of pastry chefs all huddled in the same car throwing pies at him, which is just.. it's beautiful man. It's so frickin beautiful. The boolies also have a good plan for once: a heat seeking missle. IT's neat to see race force dup against two threats at once, as the Boolies were sidelined for the gold dingo thing, and I love how he solves it: putting hot chill on the chefs, taking both out, delivering the microfilm and saving the day. That's how it's done old sport.

JetCat's final two shorts are.. a mixed bag. Todd is less annoying in one and still so very punchable in the other. Still a decent superhero work, seen better, movin on.

Lunchtime: Melanie's lunch is interuptted by a mad shark man stealing the cities water and threanting the new wate rpark she and todd want to go to, while Todd guards her mother's cookies

For once he dosen't fuck up, not only not eating them, but also protecting them from said super villian. The series best episode. not a super high bar, but still neat.

I Was a Grade School WereMoth: This one has a great villian in Vicki Von Verman, an insect who hopes to turn JetCat into a hybird bug monster but instead gets Todd because he wans to be a sidekick and drinks strange liquids in hideouts proving why he's not. I mean most human sidekicks to powered heroes do fuck up: Jimmy Olson got transformed once a week and was forcebly married to a gorilla

Ron Stoppable became a super villian and accidently created one. But both these guys are also geninely good dudes who are helpful. Todd is just annoyingly overconfident and stupid. He's a child, and I do give child characters a wide berth for being assholes, but Todd is just so consitently jerkish, selfish and terrible I question why Mellanie hangs out with him. He dragged these shorts down to the depths of hell and while there's good company down there

It still shoudln't be this bad. I've rarely seen a character piss me off this much and that includes the other hall of shamers he's with.

As I mentioned in the intro, the show made up for loosing Sniz and Fondue, as well as what seems to be a dwindling number of Life with Loopy and Prometheus and Bob shorts to use something I only noticed after writing those sections, with a LOT of pilots and a few extra music videos. It's a fair trade off; KaBlam's always featured a ton of unique animation styles and pilots, it's just now spread out instead of an end of or mid season thing.

As usual the shorts are visually diverse, creator driven affairs and really fun to look at. There are more duds than usual, a lot of the weaker one off shorts i've seen from KaBlam reside in this section, but it's counterballanced by all but one of these shorts having great animation and a LOT of great shorts spread throughout. Also we get two They Might Be Giants Music Videos, which is always a good thing to put in your childrens cartoon, so that alone makes this influx of shorts worth it. So let's see what we have

Emmet Freedy: Emmet Freedy has a great art style, using a lot of puppetry to create some fun ugly puppets, and a lot of love and care went into this one and I admire that. The problem is the short itself is pretty stock for nickeldoen, if coked up a bit: Emmet Freedy lies about having lice to avoid a project, only for things to get out of hand. The grossout bits don't help. I wish I liked this one better because it's expertly crafted.. but they used that craft to make something pretty generic by 90's/00's nick standards.

Fuzzball: This one's just genericA tomboy named Fuzzball breaks her dad's bowling trophy when he breaks a promise to take her to the carnival, so she hustles to get a new one. I've seen better tween slice of life shows like As Told by Ginger or All Grown UP after this, and even before this the Girl with her head coming off was way better.

Garbage Boy: After two weak segments, Garbage Boy was a LOT of fun and has a far more intresting premise: Danny's dad works at the local dump, and thus bring shome various pieces of garbage that end up in the basement, and Danny uses them to solve his problems. In this case he dosen't have a pet ,the local bullies snake is eating his friends pets, and his parents won't get him one. His sister is also an abomination of some kind but they don't talk baout it for some reason. So he builds himself a dog that comes to life and wisecracks because the 90's and beats the bully. IT's a fun boy and his dog story with a dash of frankenstien and I like the art style: it's thorughly weird, patching together bits of photos like a ransom note but outsid eof said devil baby it works fantasticly.

The Shizzagee: This one blows. I'd be nice about it, but it wastes a good premise, an extinct creature is brought back and becomes friends with ab oy, on an annoying as hell beast that won't shut the fuck up and awful cg animation. Part of it is age, but even giving it that much, it just looks.. bad. It has a soundtrack by they might be giants but nothing else.

Little Freaks: One of my favorites and a simple premise: a weird supervillian uses moths to eat everyone's clothes so he can make them all dress the same and slowly conquer them, so it's up to the little freaks to stop them, a group of three friends who all look diffrent: Tryla, a three eyed girl with a triangle face, Briangel, a kid with a brain in a jar on his head which melts if he overthinks, and Dubbs, conjoined twins. It's a fun little short with a nice silver age parody flair, something done a lot but done right here. It's cute, fast and a lot of fun.

Doctor Worm: My faviorite segment. It was close, LIttle Freaks and our final indie short are very close. This last batch in the final few eps was really damn good.. but I have to give it to this one. It takes the They Might Be Giants classic and gives us the tail of a little worm who likes to play the drums and tries to get a band looking for a drummer's attention. It takes the song and makes it the tail of a cheery guy who clearly just wants friends. The animation is great, the live action blending is fantastic, and it's sheer fun to watch. Ther'es a reason I made it the title card for this one.

Stewy the Dogboy: This one's.. fine. It's a premise similar to teacher's pet and was actually going to get a full series order before that series got greenlit over at disney. It's not bad, it's fun and I like the payoff of Stewie's chaos getting him seen as a genius by the principal, as well as stewie's voice, it sounds nicely doggish and innocent. It's just Teachers Pet simply did this premise better, and that's not this short's fault. It's still a good boy.

Why Does the Sun Shine?: Another TMBG music video, another banger. I prefer Dr. Worm but this is a one for "The sun is a mass of incadesant gas" and I assume if you grew up after a certain point, you know this one. A boy tries to look at the sun, a sicentst doctor and asun grooves. Really fun stuff.

Dave Son of Hercules: The show's final original short and it' sluckily a banger. It's also unique as it's the only one done by Henry and June animator and creator Mark Marek. It's a really fun premise I wish had got it's own series and it's all in th etitle: Dave is a pretty normal 90's kid whose dad is Hercules. Herc .. really hasn't adjusted to modern life, and thus we get a LOT of fun antics: the guy drives a chariot, slays a serpent ride at the carnival, goes to a greek restraunt to consult the gods, and when realizing he let his boy down, offers to pluck out his eye or liver. Herc is just loveably dramatic: he really wants to be a good dad, he's just out of time. I also like the greek restraunt bhit as the owner, rather than turn herc away, actaully gives him advice, getting Herc genuinely thinks he's the gods and just needs a friend. His advice is good too: quality time. It works.. it ends in the police station for a bit but it works and while Dave is embarassed, he's genuinely impressed and the short ends adorably witht he two skipping rocks. What helps is Dave is embarassed by his dad, but you get he loves the guy.. and unlike a lot of embrarssed kids in children's cartoons you aboslutely get why. A divine finish to KaBLam.

Our Penultimate KaBlammy awards. Next time we'll give out both ones related to our odds an dends.. and overall ones. Best episodes, best segments for series overall. The works. For now, this season

Best Henry and June: Just Chillin. It's not even close. Just Chilin is a fun finale that sends the series out on a high.

Action League Now!: Hey Who Stole My Face? A thorughly stupid, thorughly hilarious face off parody.

Prometheus and Bob: Tape One. A fun origin story and easily the best of these shorts. Sorry to spoil that now but it's true.

Life with Loopy: Rock N Roll Loopy. Beefsteak are too much fun.

Race Rabbit: The Championship, a grand finale for a grandly silly series.

Jetcat: THe one that dosen't ahve todd being a jackass.

Suprising Short: Doctor Worm. They call him doctor worm, good morning to you he's doctor worm.

Next TIme: We finish this. Every little bit of KaBlam I found under the couch cushions. Pilots, shorts KaBlam didn't use the works. ONe last hurrah. See you next week and thanks for reading