#scotty holt

[kosmik-signals]

Jackie McLean, 'bout soul (1967)

[superghfan]

Happy birthday Britt and Happy New Years Port Charles!

[ikft]

Thoughts on Season 1 of Suits:Japan

I finished the first season of the Japanese adaptation of Suits (conveniently titled スーツ which is just a transliteration) I was actually really surprised by how faithful it tried to be, to the point where whole chunks of dialogue are taken from the original and even certain stylistic elements of the sets are copied.

But Japanese society is both more conservative and much more patriarchal than American society, not to mention Japan is a completely different country with different laws and different institutional structures. It would be impossible for them to translate the American series without any changes. Most of the storylines wouldn't make sense set in Japan exactly like they are in the original. It was interesting to see what they changed and what they kept.

(I'll be referring to the characters by their original names to keep it from being confusing but, yes, all the characters actually have Japanese names)

They made a lot of little changes to make Mike more palatable to a Japanese audience. He no longer smokes pot so all the drug-related storylines were either adjusted to make Mike unaware of the drug element, or changed to alcohol instead. Jenny is not Trevor's girlfriend in this version, she's his little sister. When Trevor betrays Mike to Jessica, it's not because he caught Mike sleeping with his girlfriend but because Mike has broken his little sister's heart by liking someone else. Since Mike never sees her as more than a little sister, the love triangle between Mike-Jenny-Rachel is maintained but does not complicate Mike's "nice guy" image. Instead of Mike flipping between his affection and attraction to both girls, Jenny essentially casts herself as Mike's pseudo-housewife--cooking him dinner when he comes home and checking in on Grammy--and Mike just accepts this without reciprocating any romantic feelings. Mike seems oblivious to the context of allowing his "childhood friend" to essentially play his wife and it's only after he corrects several people who refer to Jenny as his girlfriend that he decides to clarify his non-feelings with Jenny.

Across the board, a lot of the romantic and sexual content of the show is removed. Scottie is swapped out completely for a minor male character they used in another plotline. And then fake!Scottie is himself swapped out for Robert Zane, who is styled as a much more traditional villain with much stronger loyalty to Hardman whereas in the American version he was definitely more neutral. The character who shows up originally as the Japanese version of Vivian Tanaka at times fills in for Scottie, Alison Holt, and Zoey in scenes. Her relationship with Harvey is a bit flirtatious but not at all sexual.

In fact, Harvey has basically no personal life at all. We get one classic Harvey Specter man-slut scene where he's in a tuxedo taking a beautiful woman to the Phantom of the Opera only to ditch her for work. But immediately we find out that it actually wasn't a date at all, he asked her out to set her up in order to help a client.

Donna is basically just Harvey's secretary. They don't have much notable banter, there is no can opener (they do have this weird thing with gum but it's not a pre-trial ritual or anything) Although she does what she does against Cameron, it's not portrayed as anything other than normal loyalty.

The closest thing Harvey has to sexual tension is with Jessica ... but not the way he does in the original. They made Harvey ten years older, so the mentor-mentee relationship between him and Jessica is gone. The actors are about the same age!

They cut basically all the associates' storylines 😭 I mean those were some of the best/funniest interludes in the original. No rookie dinner, no Bainbridge briefs, there is a Harvard quiz but Mike loses (not sure why they changed that) This means Mike and Rachel do not actually interact that often, despite Rachel still being the primary love interest. And just like they toned Mike down, they toned Rachel way waaaaaaayyy down. She's a classic good girl, a bit robotic and drone like in her seriousness.

But they kept many of the cases! Even cases that seemed like they could not work outside of a NYC setting like Harvey defending Ray post-traffic accident. They make a lot of cosmetic changes--McKernon Motors is changed to a luxury watchmaker--but nothing so severe that you do not recognize the original immediately.

On the other hand, there are some changes that would make fanfic readers nod their heads in approval: Mike buys the suits from Rene (and charges them to Harvey's account), Harvey pays for Mike to get a new apartment, when Harvey asks Mike how he took tests for female customers in his cheating side hustle Mike tells Harvey that sometimes he dresses up like a girl. And ... Harvey might have sent Mike to Harvard Law in the end? It's a little vague ... In the last episode Harvey hands Mike a ticket to Boston and a check for some absurdly large sum of money and tells him he has two years, go have some fun. Mike responds "I'll only need one year" (although Harvard Law is a three year program so fuck both of you)

Conclusion, is this worth tracking down and watching? Mmmm... depends, if you're a fan of J-dramas and love Suits you will probably be amused by how familiar characters and stories pop up. But to be honest, one of the things that made the show so compelling to me was the moral ambiguity of the main characters. It's a show about corporate lawyers, people typically portrayed as villains or henchmen are in fact our heroes and people who want to follow the law tend to be villains unless they get with the program and start enabling the Harvey Specter's Fantastic Crime Wave (Sean Cahill, we're looking at you)

[azuzula]

💚the holt / frankie / jackson playlist💛 (spotify)💙

had me @ hello - olivia holt

i’ll meet you there - owl city

scotty doesn’t know - lustra

something that i want - grace potter

moves like jagger (feat. christina aguilera) – maroon 5

i was made for lovin’ you - kiss

what the hell – avril lavigne

weird science – oingo boingo

dj got us fallin in love (feat. pitbull) - usher

tell me something i don’t know - selena gomez & the scene

let’s go surfing - the drums

it’s gonna be me - *nsync

still into you - paramore

any world (that i’m welcome to) - steely dan

higher - taio cruz

[fundieshaderoom]

Fundies and Adjacents I Follow: Marriages & Babies Born in 2023

January:

Genesis Laura Liberty Reber was born to Lemuel and Hannah on January 2.

Emily Haight and Justus Stangl married on January 14.

Valkyria Claudio was born to Darienne (Moravek) and Fredo on January 15.

Madeline Langdon and Zachary Garcia got married on January 16.

David Silas Robertson was born to Reed and Brighton on January 20.

Scottie June Love Weaver was born to Vanessa and Jeff on January 27.

February:

Hailey James Clark was born to Katie (Bates) and Travis on February 17.

March:

Phillipos Luke Papapostolou "Pippo" was born to Jenny and Elias on March 16.

Rhett Alan Webster was born to Alyssa (Bates) and John on March 18.

Hudson James Hill was born to Matthew and Kayla on March 19.

April:

Hannah (Paine) and Levi Pelletier welcomed a little girl sometime in April.

Charles Ervin Holt was born to Spencer and Hayley Holt on April 6.

Josiah Paine and Alyssa Nickles married on April 8.

Willie Robertson Jr. and Abby Hammond married on April 28.

May:

Brooklyn May Hoover was born to Ashley (Salyer) and Eric on May 1.

Kayson Clark Manaraze was born to Kayla (Clark) and Cameron on May 9.

Logan Smith and Lindsay Haight married on May 16.

Gunner James Forsyth was born to Joy (Duggar) and Austin on May 17.

Haven Belle Huff was born to Sadie (Robertson) and Christian on May 22.

Nora Kate Duggar was born to Jedidiah and Katey (Nakatsu) on May 24.

Haven Mae Kahle was born to Brance and Cherise on May 29.

Eliza Muckerheide was born to Darbs (Trewhella) and Isaiah.

June:

Ryan and Erin Alexander welcomed a little girl sometime in June.

David and Paige Williams welcomed a little boy sometime in June.

Lily Robertson and Austin Stalbaum married on June 5.

Owen Matthias Wissmann was born to Matthias and Michelle on June 17.

Benson William Blair was born to Brooklyn (Collingsworth) and William on June 30.

Haven Proell was born to Rochelle (Trewhell) and Nick.

July:

Susanna Wissmann and Drew Jarred married on July 1.

Gideon Daniel Hill was born to Kaylee (Rodrigues) and Jonathan on July 5.

Geneva Claire Silberman was born to Anastasia (Salyer) and James on July 9.

August:

Atlas Gray Hoover was born to Hannah (Salyer) and Luke on August 1.

Iliya Andrii Petrenko was born to Ellissa (Baird) and Andrii on August 2.

Matt Reith and Rachel Raylyanu married on August 4.

Theodore James Wissmann was born to Nathanael and Katrina on August 7.

Lincoln Bontrager and Susanna Helferich married on August 12.

Lily Jo Bates was born to Zach Bates and Whitney (Perkins) on August 15.

Rafe Alden Wikstrom was born to Lauren (Andregg) and Devin Wikstrom on August 21.

Baby Girl Trewhella was born to Talia and Matthew.

September:

Calvin Driscoll and Brisee Schnack married on September 1.

Margot Lea McDaniel was born to Emma Mae (Jenkins) and Joshua.

Sophia Trewhella and Maxwell Trego got married on September 10.

Ryker Cruise Bates was born to Lydia (Romeike) and Trace Bates on September 12.

Wells McEacharn Robertson was born to John Luke and Mary Kate on September 12.

Liberty Arabella Staddon was born to Robert and Kendalyn on September 19.

Indiana Levi Chase "Indy" was born to Ashley (Driscoll) and Landon Chase on September 23.

Audrey Ann Busenitz was born to Rachel (Wissmann) and Alan on September 26.

October:

Sailor and Skye Wilson were born to Jonah and Grace on October 4.

Denver Alan Patton was born to Gabrielle (Perez) and Andrew on October 8.

Emerson Wells and Jackson Bates married on October 14.

Mia Gayle Paine was born to Alyssa and Josiah on October 14.

Maverick James Young was born to Kristen Nicole and Justin on October 16.

Luca Charles Mauro was born to Christiana (Clark) and Michael on October 20.

Evie Mae Metz was born to Courtney (Collingsworth) and Michael on October 20.

Hayes Gerald Willis was born to Lexi and Jeremiah on October 24.

William Gage Paine was born to Erin (Bates) and Chad on October 30.

November:

James Ezra Schadt was born to Amber (Perez) and Levi on November 1.

Isla Jane Barger was born to Michelle (Seewald) and Elijah on November 3.

Isaiah Valiant Arakel Afarian was born to Rachelle (Waller) and Joseph on November 10.

Kimberleigh Noel Roberts was born to Sophia (Meggs) and Jacob Roberts on November 26.

December:

Dakota Rae Kenney was born to Cat (Smith) and Aaron on December 11.

Lydia Ballinger and Thomas Herring married on December 13.

Lilian Noelle Storms was born to Sara (Trewhella) and Jason on December 18.

George Augustine Seewald was born to Jessa (Duggar) and Ben Seewald on December 19.

Jonathan Hartono and Tannia Christy married.

This year, 50 babies were born and 14 weddings were held.

Top Families:

Bates- 5 babies born, 1 wedding held

Robertson- 4 babies born, 2 weddings held

Trewhella- 4 babies born, 1 wedding held

Paine- 3 babies born, 1 wedding held

Clark- 3 babies born

Salyer- 3 babies born

Wissmann- 2 babies born, 1 wedding held

Driscoll- 2 babies born, 1 wedding held

Noyes- 2 babies born

Duggar- 3 babies born

Hill- 2 babies born

Wilson- 2 babies born

Collingsworth- 2 babies born

Perez- 2 babies born

Seewald- 2 babies born

[michigandrifter]

Little Joe, The Wrangler 1942

[ferricadooza]

.

[cptablovegood]

Both Alex and Scottie are still alive, sorry I dont make the rules, just facts

[voltronxpaladin-blog]

So I’m jamming along to music as I make the 30 minute drive up to the rink, yeah? A track I haven’t heard in quite some time slips on. What’s the song? Fucking “Scotty Doesn’t Know” by Lustra. Worst part? The entire time the song plays I find myself consumed with thoughts of Voltron.

Specifically Shance vs. Latte.

Instead of Scotty Doesn’t Know it’s Shiro Doesn’t Know with Matt being the one singing the fucking song and Fiona being Lance. Just goddammit brain. My shitposting mindset has officially hit a new low. God help me.

[autism-media]

Aaron - Mitchells vs the machines

Abed Nadir - Community

Amélie poulain - amélie

Ayda Aguefort - Fantasy high

Batman/Bruce Wayne - DC comics

Beef - the great north

Beth Harmon - Queens gambit

Billy - Doctor horribles sing-along blog

Castiel - Supernatural

Chad Danforth - high school musical

Chidi Anagonye - The good place

Cumulus Rock - ACOC

Dan - After hours

Data - Star trek tng

Deanna Troi - Star trek tng

Dolores Madrigal - Encanto

Door man - the good place

Eleven/Jane Hopper - stranger things

Emile Haddock - Limetown

Entrapta - She-Ra reboot

fawn moscato - new girl

Ferb - Phineas and Ferb

Fluttershy - my little pony

Francine Smith - American dad

Fred Jones - Scooby Doo

Garnet - Steve universe

Giselle - enchanted

Hiccup - how to train your dragon

HoneyBee - the great north

Jack Kline - Supernatural

Johnathan Byers - stranger things

Judah - Bojack horseman

Julian Bashir - Star trek ds9

Junior - sweet tooth

Katie - Mitchells vs. The machines

Kevin Blake - Eureka

Kirk Gleason - Gilmore girls

Lal - Star trek TNG (NOT picard)

Lazuli Rock - ACOC

Lilo - Lilo and stitch

Maurice Moss - The IT crowd

Montgomery "Scotty" Scott - star trek tos

Moon - the great north

Mr Darcy - Pride and prejudice

Nyota Uhura - star trek tos

Odo - Star trek ds9

Paris Geller - Gilmore girls

Paul - tgwdlm

Penny - doctor horribles sing-along blog

Peridot - Steven universe

Pinkie pie - my little pony

Priya - Turning red

Ray Holt - B99

Reagan - Inside job

Rick - Mitchells vs. the machines

Rick Sanchez - Rick and Morty

Robin - stranger things

Ron Swanson - parks & rec

Riz Gukgak - fantasy high

Santa - In the hearts & minds of children

Scarlemagne/Hugo - kipo

Scruffy the janitor - futurama

Selin Peers - star trek ds9 s1e8

Seven of nine - Star trek voyager

Spencer - icarly

Spock - star trek tos

Stargirl - Stargirl (book)

Steve Carlsberg - WTNV

Tina Belcher - Bob's burgers

Topher Brink - Dollhouse

WALL-E - Wall-e

Will Graham - Hannibal

Will Byer - stranger things

Yolanda - Bojack horseman

Zuko - ATLA

[andrevasims]

Surfer Dude Names

I was looking to name a sim inspired by the archetypal beach-goer with wavy sunbleached hair who looks like they say “dude” every 5 seconds, you know the type... anyways I wasn’t really finding what I wanted, so I ended up making this list by taking names that stuck out to me from movies about surfing, and the Beach Party movie genre because apparently that was a thing... there’s also a bunch of real-life professional surfer names, soooo yeah

1960s Beach Party Movie Names

Augie Poole Beard Biff Big Deal McPherson Big Drag Big Drop Big Jaw Harris Big Lunk Bobbi Bonehead Boots Brie Matthews Bronson Bullets Buster Butch Cappy Charlie Bigg Chase Colton Chauncey Chuck Phillips Clod Craig Gamble Deadhead Eric Von Zipper Fleegle Flex Martian Frank Decker Frankie Freddie Carter Gidget Hastings Hot Shot Hulk Jack Fanny Jilda Junior Griffith Ken Lili Morton Lily Kilua Lorelei Luree Mikki Milo Talbot Moondoggie Myrtle Forbush Nita Elksberg North Dakota Pete Peter Royce Bentley / The Potato Bug Piccola Reginald Ripper Riff Rock Skeet Wells Sniffles Socum Sonny Leander Fox South Dakota Slim Steamer Lane Stinky Sugar Kane Sulk Swag Sylvia Dempster Terry Wells Tug Vikki Vivian Clements

1980s Surfing Movie Names

Ames Ashby Bodhi Brock Bunker Chandler Chuck Dede Eesh Geri Grommet Gut Gut Hog Hunter Jocko O'Finlay Johnny Big Head Johnny Utah Lance Burkhart Menlo Schwartzer Nelson Rag Rick Kane Roach Rosie Rounder Rush Scotty Palmer Slick Sparkle Tone Turtle Tyler Endicott Warchild Wyatt

2000s Surfing Movie Names

Cody Maverick Donnie Drake Landon Frosty Hesson Lake Nudie Philaine Pushy Reggie Belafonte Sid Sonny Tank Evans Thunder Monkey Topper Burks Zeke Topanga

Professional Surfers

Allen Holder Andy Irons Balaram Stack Barron Mamiya Bonga Perkins Bruce Brown Bunker Spreckels Butch Van Artsdalen Buzzy Kerbox Buzzy Trent CJ Hobgood Cheyne Magnusson Chris Hawk Cliff Kapono Coco Ho Corky Carroll Courtney Conlogue Dale Velzy Darrick Doerner Dave Kalama Dax McGill Dewey Weber Duane DeSoto Duke Kahanamoku Eddie Aikau Frieda Zamba Greg Cipes Griffin Colapinto Jake Caster Jesse Billauer John John Florence Kanoa Igarashi Keala Kennelly Keani Reiner Keanu Asing Kelly Slater Kolohe Andino Lakey Peterson Lani Doherty LeRoy Grannis Lemon "Rusty" Wond Holt Lexi VonderLieth Lokelani McMichael Makua Rothman Margo Oberg Mark Massara Megan Abubo Miki Dora Montgomery Kaluhiokalani Owl Chapman Paul Roach Pete Cabrinha Quincy Davis Rabbit Kekai Randy Laine Rell Sunn Robert August Rolf Aurness Rusty Keaulana Sage Erickson Sanoe Lake Shane Beschen Skip Frye Sunny Garcia Taylor Knox Tia Blanco Veronica Kay

[jbbarnesnnoble]

Kiss Goodbye

Summary:  Bucky is a detective with the 99th Precinct. A single moment changes your life forever, and you’re faced with saying goodbye

Features/Warnings: Angst; mentions of pregnancy, Major Character Death

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader

Notes: I cried writing this. That should be it’s own warning. 

Detective!Bucky AU; Brooklyn 99 Crossover

Word Count: 4657

You were napping, completely unaware of the news that was coming. An argument had broken out at the 99th Precinct over what to do, the squad torn over calling you or going to tell you in person. They were all emotional, all dealing with what had happened that afternoon in their own ways. In the end, Captain Holt headed to your home, the one that you had shared with Bucky since you’d gotten married four years prior. Holt had called in a favor from a neighboring precinct. Captain Steve Rogers was joining him on the solemn journey to the Barnes home. 

Steve and Bucky had been best friends since childhood. They went through the police academy together. Bucky had no interest in being a superior officer. He was content with his job as a detective in the 99th precinct. He had worked in Steve’s precinct until two years prior, being transferred to the 99 once Amy Santiago had become a sergeant. 

You worked as an EMT, enjoying a day off with your daughter. You woke up when your phone went off. You felt a pang of anxiety when you saw Steve’s name. He was working. He and Bucky both worked the day shift. You had been taking a nap while your daughter took hers. Your last shift had been exhausting and the three year old had gotten sick the previous evening with a stomach bug. 

“Hello?” you asked.

“Hey...I’m here, could you come let me in?” he asked. 

“Uh...sure?” you said, confused. Steve had a key. He’d always had a key. Something wasn’t right and you knew it. You checked on your daughter before heading down the stairs to the front door. When you opened it to see Captain Holt standing with Steve, you knew.

“Won’t you come in?” you asked, allowing both men entry. You weren’t surprised Holt had called in Steve. Not when it came to Bucky, when it came to you. 

“Steve?” you asked when they sat down.

“Bucky was shot. We came to get you, bring you to the hospital. They were rushing him to surgery as soon as he was brought in. Peralta told the ER doctors they had telling you covered. Peggy’s on her way to babysit and I’m driving you to the hospital. Captain Holt will stay and wait for Peggy to get here,” Steve explained. Your mind was racing. This couldn’t be real. Not Bucky. Not your Bucky. 

You felt numb as Steve rushed you to the hospital. It wasn’t long before Amy showed up with Rosa and Gina. You had never seen Rosa Diaz shaken. Steve hadn’t told you much, only that Rosa and Bucky had gone to ask a witness some questions and that Bucky had been shot. None of you spoke as you sat waiting. Steve had called Sam. You knew Sam would start passing the news along if Peggy hadn’t already. It was a system you had hoped would never need to be used. 

Four hours had passed before you were allowed to see him. Four painful hours filled with anxiety. He was in the ICU in critical condition. You sat by his bedside, holding his hand, waiting for the doctor to come in. Bucky’s father had passed the previous year, leaving his mother, his sister, and his grandparents who lived in Jersey. His mother had been on a trip to Florida with friends and was rushing to get back home. Sam had gone to get Bucky’s grandparents to bring them up to the city. Rebecca had arrived at the hospital shortly after you had, and the two of you sat by his bedside, clinging to the hope that he would be okay. Rebecca had married Sam the previous year. You remembered a time when Sam and Bucky could barely be in the same room without arguing. Years had passed since then, and Bucky had gladly stood up at their wedding as one of Sam’s groomsmen. 

You weren’t surprised when it was Bruce who walked in. Dr. Bruce Banner was someone you’d known a long time. It came with the territory of your jobs. He was also the husband of Sharon Carter, who had become a dear friend and who was a cousin of Steve’s wife, Peggy. 

“I’m sorry,” Bruce said.

“You’re sorry?” you asked, confused by what he was apologizing for. As he explained, you and Rebecca clung to each other tightly. You were going to have to make some difficult decisions, decisions you didn’t want to make. 

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Saying goodbye was never easy. You laughed to yourself that maybe good was only in there to soften the blow. Goodbye held permanence to you. You never cared for the word. Goodbye was an ending. Goodbye was finality. Goodbye meant it was over, really over. There was no coming back from this goodbye. There was no happy ending, no moment where Bucky would walk through the door again yelling “I’m home”. No more sounds of little feet charging down the hallway to greet him, with you close behind. 

“I don’t know if I can do this without you, Buck. I don’t want to,” you whispered, squeezing his hand. You had made the most difficult decision of your life. You knew well enough to know holding on was only putting off the inevitable, prolonging the pain you knew would linger. It didn’t make it easier. You blinked as tears fell. You had been torn on bringing your daughter. You and Bucky had had that discussion one night, when you had been pregnant with her. 

You and Bucky laid in bed, his hand laying on your bump as the baby kicked, a soft smile on his face. The eleven o’clock news was on the television. Another officer had been killed in the line of duty. Bucky’s smile dropped. He hadn’t known her, not really. But he knew of her. Sergeant Hope Van Dyne had a husband, a step-daughter, and a two year old daughter. They had met in passing before, Scott Lang was a childhood friend of Steve and Bucky’s. Keeping in touch had been made difficult when Scott had moved out west, returning to the city when his wife landed a job with the NYPD. 

“Babe?” you asked when you noticed the sudden change in Bucky’s demeanor. 

“Scotty called me yesterday. Asked what he should do. Cassie wanted to see Hope. She’s old enough that he brought her down to the hospital, but their little one. He refused to bring her, didn’t want to traumatize the kid, seeing her mom like that at such a young age. At least Cassie’s at an age where she can communicate, you know? Addie’s not,” Bucky said. He was starting to ramble. You took his hand in yours, rubbing your thumb in a circle, a soothing gesture.

“I’m making lasagna to bring over. Though, it wouldn’t surprise me if they’ve got more than enough food,” you said. He sighed, running his free hand through his hair. 

“If I’m ever in that position, promise me you won’t bring her. Not unless she’s old enough to ask. Not unless she’s old enough to understand,” he said.

“James,” you said, a frown appearing on your face. You rarely called him by his first name. It was reserved for the bedroom, for intimate moments between the two of you, moments of exasperation, and serious conversations. 

“Please. Promise me. I don’t want our daughter’s last memory of me to be like that. It’s bad enough that yours would be. I don’t plan on getting hurt like that, but...damn it I’m scared. It was a routine stop. And now she’s dead and her...just promise me,” he said cutting himself off. You turned toward him, moving your hand to cup his cheek.

“I promise you, James Buchanan Barnes. I will always protect our daughter and any other children we have,” you said. He pulled you into a kiss, and the conversation drifted into a forgotten memory.

“Mrs. Barnes?” a nurse asked. You looked up. It was Sharon. 

“Sharon, please,” you said, your voice flat. She gave you a sad smile, her own eyes watering. 

“Sorry. I...I’m sorry. This is never easy,” she told you. You nodded. You understood. Calling you Mrs. Barnes helped her remove herself from the situation, away from the reality. 

“I came to check on you. Whenever you're ready,” she said, taking your hand in hers and giving it a gentle squeeze.

“What if I’m never ready? How can you ever be ready for something like this?” you asked her. 

“You can’t be. But you have to be. Is she coming?” Sharon asked. You shook your head.

“Bucky and I agreed if this kind of thing ever happened, the only way she’d be here is if she was old enough to understand. Maybe she’ll resent me for it one day, but...I can’t bring myself to bring her here. She’s been asking about him. Shar, how do I tell my three year old daughter that her daddy isn’t coming home?” you asked, breaking down. She pulled you into a hug, letting you cry into her shoulder as she rubbed circles on your back. 

“How do I tell her?” you asked again, your voice barely more than a whisper as you sobbed. 

“You’ll find a way. You don’t have to do this alone,” she said, her own voice cracking. You were waiting on the others. Bucky’s mother, grandparents, and sister soon arrived with Sam, Steve, and Peggy. Natasha and Clint were the last ones to arrive. You weren’t sure if Jake or Rosa were going to show up. You had asked them to come. You knew they were both close to him. Hell, you were close with them and Rosa Diaz was a difficult person to get close to. 

Peter Parker had volunteered to watch your daughter that day. He was often around the station getting volunteer hours. It had turned into the kid from Queens babysitting your daughter when you needed someone to watch her. You sent him a quick text to check in on how things were, and you weren’t surprised when you got a near immediate response. 

“It’s going to be okay,” Steve said as he pulled you into a hug. You knew it wasn’t an instant thing as they started taking him off life support. You had all been sent out of the room when they started switching off machines and removing him from the very things keeping him alive. When you were brought back in, you sat by his side, his hand in yours. You excused yourself for a moment, needing a second to breathe. 

It wasn’t much later that they called his time of death. If you had been sobbing before, it couldn’t compare to the sound of your heartbreaking as his mother held you tight. 

It was late when you got home. Peter was asleep on the couch. You sent his aunt a text, saying he could stay the night since you didn’t want to wake him. It was a Friday and you knew the kid had been overworking himself lately with his school work. 

You checked on your daughter, tip-toeing into her room and kneeling beside her bed, leaning to give her a kiss on her forehead. You wanted to cry, but found you had no tears left. The morning would bring a new difficulty. Explaining to your daughter that her father wasn’t coming home.

You stepped into your bedroom, the first time since you’d gotten the news. You had been staying with Steve and Peggy, your daughter excited to have been spending time with her aunt and uncle. Bucky’s favorite t-shirt still lay flung on the bed. It was an old Vans Warped Tour shirt from 2009. One of your long standing traditions. You both loved and hated that shirt. It was worn at this point, from over a decade of wear and tear. But you loved the memories. You pulled it over your head, taking in the scent that was distinctly Bucky, before pulling on pajama bottoms and crawling into bed, holding his pillow close. 

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You were restless through the night. You were up by seven and found yourself making pancakes. Peter was still asleep on the couch. You checked on him while the first pancakes started to cook. You were never as good as Bucky when it came to pancakes. You always insisted he was a magician. 

When the pancakes were done, along with some bacon and sausage, you went to wake your daughter. The smell of pancakes excited her. It broke your heart and you kicked yourself for choosing the food. 

“Where is daddy?” she asked, confusion laced in her voice. Your lower lip wobbled a bit as you did your best to contain your emotions.

“We’ll talk about that after breakfast. Now, mama made some pancakes. I know I’m not as good as the Pancake Wizard, but I’m sure you’ll like them,” you said as you picked her up. She giggled as you lifted her high in the air. You knew Winnie and Rebecca would be coming over after breakfast. 

Peter offered to do the dishes before he headed home, something you weren’t about to argue with him about. You sat your daughter down in the living room. You still weren’t sure how you were going to tell her. She understood her father had been hurt, that he had been in the hospital. But this was uncharted territory. She tilted her head to the side as she looked at you. 

“Why are you sad mama?” she asked. 

“Because...because daddy isn’t coming home,” you said, choosing your words carefully. 

“Where he go?” she asked you. You swallowed, trying to keep your tears at bay.

“He died, sweetheart,” you said, ripping the bandaid off. Her brows furrowed as she tried to think about what that meant.

“What’s that?” she asked. It was difficult finding the words, but eventually you did. By then, Bucky’s family had arrived, and so had your parents. Winnifred Barnes took charge of helping you explain it to your daughter. You had expected the tears and you held your daughter close as she cried. You thought your heart couldn’t break anymore than it already had until you heard that sound. 

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It was sunny the day of the funeral. It hurt a little more. Wasn’t it supposed to be raining? Wasn’t the weather supposed to reflect your heartbreak, the fact that he wasn’t going to walk back through the door? 

You had met Bucky in high school when you’d gone to Brooklyn to hang out with Natasha after her family had moved up to the city to be closer to her grandmother, who refused to leave the city. Services were set to be in the city, but he was being buried in Jersey, the same place his father was buried. His grandparents had lived not far from your small hometown. His parents had moved to the city before he was born. You remembered that day so vividly. 

You and Natasha were walking down the street when someone knocked into you and you fell. Natasha had whipped around.

“Watch it Rogers,” she snapped. 

“Sorry! I’m running late! If I’m late again Mr. Weston is gonna fire me,” he said before running off. A boy with dark brown hair helped you to your feel.

“Sorry about him. He really needs the job. I’ve never seen you around before,” the boy said.

“I’m friends with Nat,” you said. 

“Well, friend of Nat, do you have a name or am I just going to have to call you beautiful girl?” he asked. You felt your face heat up at the comment. You saw Natasha roll her eyes before you gave the boy your name. He introduced himself. James ‘Please call me Bucky’ Barnes. You swore you fell for him in that moment. 

“I’d ask if you were ready, but I don’t think you ever will be,” Natasha said from the doorway. You looked at her with watery eyes.

“I don’t want to go,” you told her, your voice soft. She entered the room, placing a hand on your shoulder, gently turning you from the window.

“But you have to. I’ll be there. Steve will be there. You’re not alone. You are never alone,” she said, pulling you into a hug. You broke in that moment. You let out a sob that bordered on a scream as she held you tight. 

You saw the line of news reporters outside. You hated it. Vultures capitalizing on your grief. You had put your foot down and told Holt you wanted no news media at the funeral. They had no right. You always hated when they would show funerals of fallen police and firefighters on the television, as if their families lost the right to grieve privately because of their loved one’s occupation. 

“I don’t know how I’m going to get through this,” you admitted when your sobbing calmed. 

“You’re not alone. We’re here every step,” she said. You nodded. Heading to where the services were being held, officers from all over lined the streets, along with other first responders. You felt numb. You were half focused until Steve stood to speak. 

“Detective James Barnes was more than an officer. He was a loving son, grandson, brother, husband, and father. Bucky is...was my best friend. I don’t know life without him. Many of us here don’t know or remember life without him. Some people would describe him as quiet, moody, and hard to talk to. But once you got to know him? You would learn that he was a quiet comedian. He loved to go fishing and had a sweet tooth that drove his wife mad because there was never anything too sweet for him. When we were in high school, she made him a cake that had more sugar in a single bite than could have been considered healthy to prove a point. Bucky ate the whole thing,” Steve said. You laughed a little at the memory. 

He told a couple of other stories, like how worried Bucky was when your daughter was born and how he once rescued your parents’ cat from a neighbor’s tree using nothing but some rope and a laundry basket. He talked about the days where Bucky would get him out of trouble when he’d get into fights. It was the first time you had smiled in days. 

Your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest as silence fell over those gathered once more. You knew what was coming. You’d heard it before. End of watch, last call, the final farewell to the fallen. A call that would never be answered. No one ever thought it would be them sitting on the hard chair, listening as their loved one’s badge number was read out with the words “end of watch”. 

You weren’t surprised Jake was speaking in place of Captain Holt. It made sense. Jake was one of Bucky’s closest friends at the 99, even if they didn’t always see eye to eye. 

“Barnes was...when he first started at the 99, we hated each other. This stupid, sexy, blue eyed and broody man comes into the precinct and sits down at Amy’s old desk. Like, who did this jerk think he was? But he soon became one of my closest friends. I’ve been struggling to find the words to say what I need to say. The precinct won’t be the same without him. He was the reigning Halloween Heist champion. I still don’t know how he pulled it off with just a shoelace and some glitter,” Jake said. You chuckled at that. Your heart ached as you listened to him speak. You hadn’t had an opportunity to talk to him or Rosa. They both seemed to be avoiding you. Sam told you to give it some time. You knew he was right, but you were still worried about them both, even in your own grief. Rosa had been there and you couldn’t shake the feeling that she felt guilty. 

The drive from the city to Jersey saw streets lined with more people, a solemn procession down the Jersey Turnpike to the shore. As you went through your hometown, two ladder trucks sat with their ladders raised facing each other. You had roots in a close knit community. You and Bucky may have lived in Brooklyn, but everyone knew the two of you. Everyone knew his grandparents, knew his parents, knew his sister. 

The graveside service was a blur, all the while lost in your thoughts and your tears, the tears you feared would never stop falling. Your daughter climbed in your lap.

“Ok mama, no cry,” the toddler babbled, placing her hand on your cheek. She was still so young, at an age where she wouldn’t remember him, wouldn’t remember Saturday morning pancakes, the daddy-daughter days where Bucky would take her to the park, to Build-a-Bear, even though you insisted she was still too young to fully appreciate it, the days he’d do her hair for her because no one could say no to those eyes and the look she’d give you. Bucky wasn’t the greatest at styling hair, but your daughter never cared much about that. She loved it because her daddy did it. 

The cemetery started clearing out, leaving you with your friends, your family. You stood to place your flower on the casket, your daughter following suit. Slowly, the others started leaving, until it was you and Rosa. Rebecca and Sam had taken your daughter with them. 

“It should have been me,” Rosa said, her voice cracking. You shook your head.

“Don’t think like that Diaz. You start thinking like that and you’ll never forgive yourself,” you said. 

“The perp was aiming for me and he jumped in front of me. If it wasn’t for him, I’d be dead,” she said. You pulled her into a hug. She was stiff for a moment before she wrapped her arms around you and let herself sob.

“You know that’s who he was, Rosa. He’d have done that for any of you. Don’t let this guilt eat at you. He wouldn’t want that. I don’t want that,” you told her. 

“He should still be here,” she said. You held her tighter. 

“But he’s not. And that hurts. But it’s life,” you said.

“You should hate me, scream at me. Something. How are you so calm?” she asked. You sighed.

“Because you’re my friend. And I know my husband. Even if he knew the outcome, he would have taken that bullet every time. You hear me? Every time. You’re riding with me,” you said, nodding toward the waiting car. 

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Routines were hard to break. You found yourself reaching for him in the mornings, the remnants of a dream at the forefront of your mind. The cold side of the bed was a reminder that it was a dream, that he was gone. Some days you were on autopilot, pouring two cups of coffee, making his just how he liked it, before remembering you only needed coffee for one. His laundry sat untouched. You couldn’t bring yourself to wash it. 

Rosa had become a fixture around the house. If Jake and Amy weren’t over for dinner, she was. A quiet understanding existed between you and the 99. They would always be welcome. They would always be family. It was why two months after his death, Rosa, Gina, and Amy were sat in your bedroom with Natasha while you paced, three pregnancy tests sitting face down on the dresser. Jake was in the other room with Charles. You questioned your decision to leave your daughter in their care. 

“Well?” Gina asked, giving you an expectant look.

“I can’t look. I can’t,” you said. 

“Then I will,” Amy said, picking up the tests.

“You do realize she peed on those, right?” Rosa asked, an amused smirk on her face. Amy dropped them before apologizing. 

“Might as well read them out, Ames,” Gina said. A smile emerged on Amy’s face.

“You’re pregnant,” Amy said. For the first time in two months, you smiled. You had chalked your last missed period up to the stress of everything. Sure, you and Bucky had been trying for another child, but you didn’t think you were pregnant, you didn’t dare to hope that you were. 

Your first appointment, you couldn’t bring yourself to go alone. You asked Rosa to join you.

“No,” she said.

“Rosa, please? I can’t do this alone,” you said. The other woman glared at you.

“Fine. But only because I can’t stand the sound of crying,” she said, crossing her arms. 

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Seven more months passed by, and Bucky’s birthday arrived. You were officially on maternity leave. You brought your daughter to the cemetery, flowers in hand. She was another year older, having turned four in February. 

“Any day now, Buck. Our son will be here,” you said as you sat on the cold ground, thankful for the lack of snow. You placed the picture your daughter had drawn under a rock in a protective sleeve, before securing it with a metal stake through the holes meant for a binder. A small collection had amassed there over the previous months. You would swap them out every so often, placing them in a box you kept at home. 

You had barely gotten in the door when you felt a strong contraction. You looked toward the photo on the mantel. It was a photo of you and Bucky from the day your daughter was born.

“You...you know what Barnes, fair play, fair play,” you said to the empty room. You waited a bit before you called someone. Steve and Peggy were on their way to watch your daughter. Natasha and Rosa on the other hand were set to be your support in the room. 

Just shy of midnight, your son was born. You had told Bucky once upon a time, that you wanted your son to share his name. He had laughed and agreed, but only if his middle name was Steven. You had smiled at that. James Steven Barnes. You looked at Rosa.

“Would you like to hold your godson?” you asked her. Her eyes widened.

“My godson?” she asked. You nodded.

“Yeah, Diaz. Bucky and I talked about it a long time ago,” you told her. It was true, you had. For the two of you, it hadn’t been a religion thing. You wanted to know that your kids would be in good hands if something happened. Steve and Nat were your daughter’s godparents. Jake and Rosa would be your son’s. Between the four of them, you were confident that should something happen, your kids would be well cared for and loved. 

You were still healing. The hurt would never go away. You hated the word goodbye. But you knew. This goodbye wasn’t forever. Bucky wasn’t gone, not truly. You looked at your daughter and saw his smile. You looked at your newborn son and saw his eyes. Your weekly conversations with his mother revealed more stories you hadn’t heard before. Bucky may have been gone, but he was woven into the very core of your life. You could see him in the jokes that flowed between the 99 when you’d hang out with them, in the way Steve was teaching Peter how to defend himself, even though he swore up and down he was doing nothing of the sort. You saw him in the way you’d catch Natasha jamming out to music you knew she used to hate when you’d walk in on days she was watching your daughter. He lived on in all of you. 

You closed your eyes to rest as the last of your visitors left your hospital room. You swore you could hear his voice as you drifted off, a smile on your face. 

[allmusic]

AllMusic Staff Pick: Jackie McLean 'Bout Soul

Even as his Blue Note contemporaries were working commercial soul-jazz grooves, the alto saxophonist pushed at the borders of jazz, embracing the avant-garde. This is one of his most explicitly free albums. The alto saxophonist pushes a quintet with trumpeter Woody Shaw, pianist Lamont Johnson, bassist Scotty Holt, and drummer Rashied Ali, into uncompromising wide open tonal territory, resulting in cerebral music that is nevertheless played with fiery passion.

- Stephen Thomas Erlewine

[victorlimadelta]

as promised, performative garrison funerals.

so, the kerberos mission failure was probably a lot like the space shuttle challenger disaster, in that it was an international blow to the scientific (and paramilitary/military) communities. media coverage was extensive and worldwide, both for the launch and the failure announcement. the garrison knew that, because of the overall hype for the launch and the hopes for finding evidence of extraterrestrial life, they would have to come up with a really convincing explanation as to why fission mailed. they’d have to make everyone believe it, too.

so, funerals. national and international grieving experiences, to create the performative catharsis of loss, and to give the garrison the excuse to front their own narrative about the mission.

the garrison paid for these funerals. set up all the arrangements. live-streamed them to anyone who wanted to attend remotely. they were open invitation. anyone who wanted to come to the actual event was welcome. i’m sure that, as with many other international catastrophes, impromptu memorials were also set up in public parks with candles and flowers. again, all a chance for the garrison to twist the narrative, bury the lede, and hide the truth. if you control the media, you control the message.

matt’s funeral was the first of the three. surprisingly well attended, for a kid that no one really knew of before the mission announcement. part of it was that he was so young when he left, played the role of the child prodigy. he was someone that middle school, high school, and college stem students could really identify with, and gave them hope that they could be among the next astronauts; losing him was a galvanizing force for that group of people. he was also well-liked among his class at the garrison. their turnout was incredible. part of the narrative was also hyping the father-son dynamic between sam and matt (while conveniently omitting colleen and katie from the discussion, as the family members left behind).

colleen and katie attended, of course. katie got to hear from a lot of her brother’s friends about just how much he was valued and treasured and appreciated and loved. colleen got a lot of ‘i’m sorry for your loss’ from matt’s instructors at the garrison; he wasn’t just a good student, he was also in good humor most of the time, a good example of the young, bright minds the garrison could churn out given the raw material to do so. the mood was also a lot more... youthful? it’s hard to describe losing a young life like that. because yes, there’s the indescribable grief of losing someone like matt far before his time, but there’s also the kind of mourning that people his age do, where you get memorialized in some ways that maybe aren’t so prim and proper (think: memes, ‘too soon’) but that are still meaningful to the people making them and a way to process the overall healing process.

this was the one part of the narrative that the garrison had the least control over, but it never ended up working to their disadvantage. because the common thread was that matt wanted to be the first human to meet aliens, there were a lot of, like, beam me up scotty type memes made about his apparent passing, but because they were memes, no one believed them, and the garrison didn’t speak out too harshly against them because they were clearly just jokes. at that time, no one on earth had any concept of what meeting alien life would really be like, so it was a lot of harmless fun for people that were matt’s age to, i guess, hold onto some hope that the kerberos mission wasn’t a total failure.

colleen and katie made it through matt’s funeral with their dignity relatively intact. everything was still very clearly garrison-branded, the logo and orange color everywhere, but the institution didn’t intrude too much upon their (remaining) family dynamic in doing this as a public outreach sort of event. it was actually really cathartic for katie to know just how much her brother was esteemed in his class at the garrison. it still left her with some sort of respect for the institution, even if at that point she didn’t fully believe the story they were trying to sell. colleen appreciated the offers of assistance from matt’s instructors--you know, simple things like making her family meals while they went through the grieving process, or picking up groceries for her, or making sure she always had someone to talk to. they were actually fairly kind and gracious about the whole thing, not least of which because they were never really engaged in the military-style hierarchy that was controlling the mission failure narrative. it was just kind of universally acknowledged that this loss was the most senseless of them all and that it needed to be treated with some kind of sensitivity and tenderness.

matt’s empty casket was buried in the plot that had been set aside for colleen herself. couples do this, on occasion, do end-of-life planning and buy plots with their spouse so they can rest next to each other in death, but since it had been set aside for mom and dad holt, and they’d never thought about one of their children dying before them, matt took colleen’s place. his marker read ‘the brightest of our stars’ and, funnily enough, actually correctly listed his birth date--april 23, 2293.

[bondsmagii]

Danny and Scottie with “i can’t breathe, i can’t –” for the Hurt Meme!

(for the hurt meme!)

A Duty Always Known

When Danny first walked into the bar that first night, Scottie knew deep down he would be in for the long haul. Now, driving across London after a hysterical phone call from Danny, he’s realising just what his duty to Danny really means.

Read on AO3!

[michigandrifter]

The Old Chisholm Trail 1942