#science didn't know it was possible for a person to be made out of 99% anxiety but here i am

[veryfuckingtrans]

I've had one of the worst days in a while i am so fucking exhausted

I didn't do much at work, which is fine but i always feel sort of worried that they'll call me out for it.

Then my aunt called me to tell me the trip we wanted was booked out so we had to go with our third/fourth choice. Then i had to do a bank transfer while she was at the agency. While i was supposedly working.

I then went to the assembly of the trans group i'm in and i saw many people who are friends of friends so i had to say hi but i'm not like friends with them. One friend was actually there so that was cool, but then she and other people i was with decided to leave and me and this other person went to a demonstration for Palestine. I walked with this person for A WHILE and we barely talked because we have friends in common but hadn't even met before today. Then in the demonstration i was walking with them and surrounded by other people from the group but i was very overwhelmed and dissociated so i didn't talk at all -side note! I recently bought flare earplugs (?) and i wore them at the demonstration and the difference was HUGE. I could still hear people around me and i knew what was going on but the sound wasn't so sharp and loud. I'm definitely wearing them to all demonstrations from now on and i might take them tomorrow to the party.

So half way through i was actually feeling a bit poorly, like dissociating and also a bit dizzy? So i just told the people i was with i'll see them tomorrow and i left. I also got a notification saying i have an oftalmologyst appointment on monday. I did not book an appointment. So tomorrow i have to phone them and ask them to cancel it.

And then my mum called me and told me my sibling was recommended to go to a day clinic? I don't know if that's the term, but basically going to the hospital to do group therapy every week day and then going back home. So i think it will be (hopefully) helpful but it will inevitably bring some rocky days at home.

Also, tomorrow i have my first training with the basketball team i joined. I do not feel like it at all but it's something i want to do. I'll try and ask how long they want it to be, because i want to leave early and it's at 11:30, but the first meet up thing started at 12 and at 2 i left and they weren't done yet.

And there's this party in the evening and i am so looking forward to it but i'm worried i'll be too spent to enjoy it. They said they haven't planned any food so i might try and do something, i want to do it, but also i'm already so busy i shouldn't find new ways to busy myself.

And!! I told this friend i'd meet them at the party tomorrow but today this other friend said i could go to his house for a 'pre-party' and then go together. Thing is, another person will be there who had some drama with my friend who i said i'd meet there. So i told my friend "hey, i might be arriving at the party with this person you had drama with, just so you know" (it was really hard to find a way to say it). But i know at some point i'm gonna be at this party having to choose between which of my friends i hang with. Which is a good problem to have, but it stresses me out.

So all in all, i was walking home with chest pains and so much anxiety. I keep going back and forth on whether i should go back on meds. Because i used them as a "ok, this is a stressful period, i need an emergency crutch". But i'm now at a more or less stable point. I'm working and this is pressumably what i'm gonna do for the next 40 odd years. If i can't handle my anxiety now, what will happen when something actually happens in my life??

But i still don't have an appointment with my therapist so i still have to call to find out how to get it.

Lol. I have a stress migraine again.

[the-music-maniac]

I recently downloaded a book called “Not All Himbos Wear Capes” by this author named C. Rochelle cause yesterday was like a free Amazon ebook giveaway type thing and I was scrolling through the lists with my friend and this particular one stood out to me cause both the cover page and the title made me crack up - also it was a queer novel so - fdaiofjao that’s not the important part of this post -

I read it and I’m actually flabbergasted by how much these characters remind me of a - way waaay more exaggerated and satirical mind you, and i’m like 99% sure this book is satirical because they live in a city called B i g C i t y, so this feels like a call out to every single superhero movie out there that’s set in a b I G  C I T Y  (ahem new york ahem), and because a lot of the dialogue and names and stuff were absolutely RIDICULOUS in the funniest way possible, I paused several times to just stare at the ceiling and wheeze, it was cringe in a “this sparks joy” type of way, y’know? - version of Steve and Tony.

Like all the plot and the characters + the superhero and villain system and the world building concepts are original so it wasn’t similar per se, but specifically these two characters made me feel nostalgic enough that I sat up and took notice -

Spoiler warning:

The character of Butch - which is the superhero in this superhero x villain duo - first of all, named Captain Masculine (”CAPTAIN” my brain screeched at me) which is The Funniest name I have ever had the privilege of seeing on a superhero, i love it - while way less jaded than Steve is, less traumatized than Steve is - uhhh maybe not less unhinged than Steve is - and way more wholesome innocent, has moments where his demeanor is super reminiscent of what I’ve seen in early 2012 stony fics and some marvel 616 characterizations of him. He’s generally thought of to be a kind person, who has a public reputation that has been controlling all of his decisions and movements for years. And he goes along with it cause he wants to help. Sound familiar?

And Xander - aka the villain - is very much a scientist with multiple PhDs, a marine biologist and a genius inventor, no powers of his own (at the beginning ahem) - called Dr Antihero - is someone who is of course thought of as a villain in the general public even though this man really doesn’t try all that hard to be villainous, doesn’t believe himself to be a good person even though this man genuinely is a pretty good person who’s trying to use his smarts to make a difference in the world. Which is super reminiscent of the characterizations in alternate universe fics where Tony becomes a supervillain (usually for good reason).

There’s a lot there that’s not the same of course, most of the plot is this author’s own - pretty well written surprisingly, admittedly I didn't go into the story with any high expectations, the science was a little iffy but it wasn't the main point of anything so it was fine - and I still view Butch and Xander as their own characters - and i want to make it very clear that they remind me of the fanfic characterizations i’ve seen of steve and tony not the actual canon characterizations because the mcu sucks ass wait what who said that (i hadn’t gotten through all the comics by the time i lost interest in marvel so i don’t 100% know how the comic versions of them are)

If anyone who sees this post is interested in reading the book I also gotta warn that it's 18+ the smut dialogue is hilarious (in a good way - well to me it's a good way cause I had fun reading it even if I did find it cringe at times) but tis still smut

And I was all set to convince myself i was delusional until I SAW THE FANART PRINTS THEY PUT AT THE END OF THE BOOK AND MY MAN XANDER HAS A GOATEE????? AND BUTCH IS BLONDE WITH BLUE EYES????  IN A BLUE UNIFORM??? XANDER’S VILLAIN COSTUME HAS GOLD ACCENTS???

*insert “YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MOTHERFUCKER LOOK LIKE??!!! LOOOOOK” audio*

ALSO THE BOOK HAD MARVEL REFERENCES

Am I just trippin because I don’t know anything about this particular author - maybe i’m just pointing out the obvious - this is the first book I’ve seen of theirs but were they a stony fan in the past??????? Perchance???????

This has been an absolute adventure and a half

[dick-chugger]

I'm bored so I will now ramble about gods and science.

I have always been a person who believes in science. Not 100% but like 99%. It is pretty convincingly proven and I can't think of much that contradicts what we know about like evolution and stuff. But also, I am religious (Hellenic polytheist in case you didn't know), and believe in a lot of myths, including ones about gods being responsible for the creation of some animals and plants. So let me explain how that makes sense in my head.

To put it shortly, I don't think gods are suoernatural. I think they're a completely natural part of the universe just like you and me. Their powers seem supernatural to us because we don't understand how it works, but we always thought of many natural things as impossible or supernatural. Not to reference It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia but there's that scene where Mac explains how his religion makes just as much sense as science. You may have seen this image.

While most things Mac says in this scene are insane, he definitely has a point. Basically, his friends tell him that evolution is proven by science, and he argues that many things have been "proven by science" butvturned out to be wrong. Humans' understanding of this world constantly changes, hopefully, to a more accurate direction. So I think it could be very possible that there are gods, and humans just haven't figured out how to prove it yet. In the 1400s people didn't have microscopes and in the 2000s we don't have whatever tools would help us see gods.

Your next question might be "But what are gods in this scenario?" And I think I have an answer to that. Basically, in my opinion, gods are just another type of organism, like animals, plants and fungi. And I could compaew it like this: Gods are to humans (or animals in general), what humans are to bacteria. Both humans and bacteria are organisms but we are so different, that we can't possibly even understand it. We can examine how bacteria work biologically but we can't know what it feels like to be a bacteria. And they can't possibly understand how humans feel. We have brains, they don't. We are so huge compaeed to them that they couldn't comprehend it wven if they did have brains. And like that, we can't understand what being a god feels like and they can't understand what being a human is like. (Except those who have been humans at some point but anyways.) To us shapeshifting, for example, feels impossible. But to plants animals being able to fly must feel impossible.

The hardest question in my reigion for me to answer is some of the myths? "If you believe in evolution, how can you believe that Zeus and Prometheus created humans?" So first of all, I'm more confident with my belief in evolution than I am in that myth. That myth is so old and gone through so many people, that it must have changed. I'm assuming someone once heard it from some god and it got changed and changed over the years. Or maybe someone just made it up. What I think would explain it is, that Zeus ans Prometheus helped with evolution in some way and are therefore responsible for humans' existence. In the same way that humans have bred dogs to be certain way. We didn't necessarily create pugs, but we are responsible for their existance.

Then there is the question of the timeline: "According to myths, Dionysos' mother was a Greek human named Semele, but there is evidence of people worshipping him wah before Greece in it's modern form. How does that make sense?" Again, I think that myth and many others have just changed over time. Maybe his mother actually lived thousanss of years before Greece as we know it, but a few thousand years ago, the myth was changed to take place in Greece to make it more relatable for the people living there. Who knows what actually happened.

And then we're gonna do my last point and finish this post: "Why were these gods only worshipped around Greece?" I think that many gods just settled down there, maybe on Olympus. Far enough from humans that we couldn't see them, but close enough to interact. Maybe once humans figured out how to get on top of Olympos, they moved. Or maybe they're still there and we just can't see them. Like the human-bacteria metaphor I used earlier. There are many myths of gods traveling to other places too or coming to Greece from other places, just as Dionysos' travels to Asia. So yeah, maybe they just like/liked Greece.

Anyways, if this didn't make any sense to you, feel free to ask questions. I just really like thinking about religion.

[swamp-world]

"the idea that god is dead does not come from atheists, it does not come from philosophers, it does not come from scientists, it comes from christians" listen maybe i am being a bit harsh and nitpicking here but i frankly don't think that I'm being unfair in doing so. christian is a modifier to the above. there are christian scientists, there are christian philosophers. theology and philosophy are not two hermetically sealed boxes that never shall meet. science and philosophy and theology are not hermetically sealed boxes that never cross. literally the phrase hermetic seal comes from alchemical theories based on the works of hermes trismegistus. alchemy is not just funny magic dudes or weird proto-scientists. alchemy is a set of proto-scientific processes and theories based on philosophies of atomism but also of theological and spiritual purity. the idea of turning lead into gold is based in the belief of attempting to purify materials to their highest and purest form of being, in a way which reflects spiritual processes similarly. "as above so below" is about attempting to make the material world reflect the spiritual world as closely as possible. [this is a VERY broad summary of alchemy and I am not the person to talk about it in more detail; go read paracelsus or writings on paracelsus for more details.]

and yes, i do actually think it's noteworthy that there is an attempt to separate these. i do think that it's demonstrative of a flawed methodology that underlies the whole project.

"kant was the guy who was like ''can we know anything about god?? is he?? reall??????????'' and basically pushed that out of academic philosophical thought into theological thought" tell me you aren't familiar with the context without telling me you aren't familiar with the context.

this is not a new thought. kant is not the guy who Did That for the first time. this is literally the foundational question of theology and theodicy.

negative theologies have existed for centuries. moses maimonedes made the whole thing of "uhhhh. we actually can't say anything about what gd is because gd is unknowable to us and to make any definitive statements about what gd is would be limiting in ways which are fundamentally incompatible with our idea of gd and so we have to figure out how to actually wrestle with the idea of gd if we can't make any statements on what he is, to the point that we can't even say that gd in fact is because of how limiting that is."

"academic philosophical thought" is still an extremely recent idea at the time that this is occurring. academic philosophical thought is not by definition secular thought. philosophy is still, at this time, largely the domain of theology and political commission.

IN FACT, THE KING OF PRUSSIA, WHO WAS A BIG DUDE IN RELATION TO KANT, TOLD KANT TO STOP WRITING ABOUT RELIGION BECAUSE KANT SAID SOMETHING HE DIDN'T LIKE, AND AS SOON AS HE DIED KANT RETURNED TO WRITING ABOUT RELIGION.

LITERALLY HIS WORK RELIGION WITHIN THE LIMITS OF REASON ALONE IS ALL ABOUT THEOLOGY. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.

anyways this is an example of why i simply do not trust 99% of youtubers talking about philosophy. and yes that is a blanket statement and yes i stand by it. this is an extremely common experience.

i am rewatching the beginning of that three hour long video essay about The Art of Religious Interpretation (Midnight Mass vs. God's Not Dead) because I remember that somewhere before 30 minutes in there's something that's so blatantly insane and absurd of a bad take of ground-zero nietzschean philosophy that i had to stop and bitch at my partner about it for like an hour and i can't remember what it is for the life of me. so now i am watching the first 30 minutes at a sped-up pace because i need to figure out what it was.

[anthrogothic]

Body/Prision

~Well, this is the first fic I've posted (not that I've written many). Maybe I found it interesting to explore the emotional and psychological side of the clones and, of course, Echo. Besides, of course, other little things. Hope you like it. 🥺 (and sorry for any mistake as this fic was originally written in brazilian portuguese).

Second part heeeeree

Pairing: Echo x fem!Reader (in this chapter only Hunter and Wrecker appear for now)

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: Body insecurity and bullying.

You were always a woman of science. Curious, persistent and genius. As a child, you loved growing plants and watching animals. Sometimes experimented with changing the color of flowers in jars with colorful products or hatching small eggs of birds and reptiles in small boxes bathed in light and heated cloths. You once set fire to his parents Aldeeranian Silk curtains, after pointing a magnifying glass in front of the sunlight streaming through the windows.

No wonder you was one of the top students at Naboo's Faculty of Science when was older. After all, you were one of the few females in your class. Being constantly the victim of offensive comments and jokes, mainly because of baggy clothes that didn't mark your body, adopted after years of harassment for your sharp curves. Your glasses and voluminous hair didn't do much for the "jokes" to stop. Withdrawn in any group of popular and partying colleagues, you had nothing but to study with your few fellow “nerds”.

As a result, you soon got your first job in the field. Standing out so much that you was invited to participate in the cloning processes on Kamino a few times, even creating a certain professional relationship with Nala Se, the chief scientist.

You weren't a fan of cloning, even though it was incredible, you found it somewhat unethical in relation to the impact on the lives of Jango Fett clones. They weren't just battle products or numbers to you, but Human Beings with as many rights as anyone else. That they should have autonomy over their lives. But work is not always 100% pleasant, as much as it is something you love as long as you understand being human.

With your occasional visits to Kamino, you ended up having the sympathy of the clones, precisely for treating them like ordinary people, with different names and personalities despite the identical DNA and their fateful serial numbers.

You even ate with them in the cafeteria instead of the staff room and played with them in your free time and some would sneak men's uniforms for you, who were too bothered by the looks and teasing you received in your tight women's uniform.

One day, during a typical meal with your friends, a tone of laughter and nasty comments made you take your attention off your plate.

You poked your clone friend in the shoulder on your right.

"What is happening?"

He, without even looking up, snorted a laugh and spoke before taking the meal to his mouth:

"So you don't know the subject of the moment? There is a new squad among us. Weird… but they haven't suffered a single casualty on the field so far."

You raised an eyebrow, craning your neck a few times in an attempt to see something.

"I was not informed of this. I have not been assigned to inspect newly graduated soldiers for some time. But why the laughter and so much whispering?"

Deep in your brain, the bitter memory of your college days was pulled.

Your friend gave you an incredulous look, gesturing to find the right words to avoid any reprimand from you:

"They… well… are technically defective. Very different from us. No wonder they nicknamed them The Bad Batch."

He stifled a laugh. Soon getting punched in the arm accompanied by a scowl from you.

"Okay, okay. Forgive me, clone rights advocate."

His irony was clear, making you roll your eyes and get up, heading towards the counter where they left the used dishes. After thanking the wrinkled green lady who served the meal, you turned in the direction of leaving the cafeteria, but a sharp impact on your face and chest propels you back, followed by a lot of pain and strong hands gripping your elbows.

"Hey! Are you okay?"

A familiar, but deeper and stronger voice resonated in your ears, making you open your eyes faster than you normally would, as you bring your hand to your forehead and in the background thanking the Maker for wearing contact lenses instead of glasses today . It took you a while to map the face of the man in front of you. His long dark hair fell to his shoulders, his red bandana letting out a few shorter strands across his forehead, his almond-shaped eyes looking a little worried, and finally, a tattoo that covered the entire left part of his face.

He was familiar…but at the same time very different from the other clones. Even the armor, grey and red. Definitely seeing a different face in that cafeteria was a bit intriguing.

"I think you broke her, Hunter!"

A loud, husky voice came from behind you, making you turn your back to the tattooed man, just to behold the huge soldier who covered your entire field of vision.

He was huge, broad and with perfectly shaped muscles. Gradually, your eyes traveled from his abdomen, across his broad chest to his face. This one had no hair. He had a blind eye, with a huge scar running from there to the ear. The clone's good eye looked you up and down, literally.

"I'm fine… sorry… I-"

You were shocked by the image of both men. Could it be they who your friend had spoken of?

You can barely complete your sentence when interrupted by a clone next to you.

"Well well. The scientist and her laboratory freaks. How comical..."

He didn't even stop to stare at you, being followed by two other clones who clearly enjoyed the bad joke.

The men beside you clenched their fists and the bigger one growled, taking long, heavy strides in front of you, until he was stopped by the tattooed-faced clone, who practically jumped in front of him, bracing a hand on his chest.

"Forget it, Wrecker. It's not worth it… and we can't take another warning for assault in the cafeteria."

The taller one nodded a few seconds later, clearly disappointed not to get his hands on his attacker.

With slow steps, you approached them, curious and also irritated by the other clone's words.

"Idiots."

You huffed, crossing your arms over your voluminous breasts.

"You are the new squad the others are talking about, aren't you?"

There was a certain wonder in your voice now.

"Force Clone 99, doctor!"

The two said in chorus, with clear pride in their words and saluting.

"The rest of the team is going through the assessment upstairs. Miraculously we both got through!"

Said the taller clone, with humor in his voice, pulling a smirk from the tattooed clone.

You smiled, even more in awe of them. They were beautiful, unique and not "sloppy".

"Nice to meet you Hunter and… Wrecker, isn't it? My name is Y/N, I work in the lab."

The two looked at each other, minimally polite treatment to the clones was a little rare around here.

"We've heard about you. Won't you give me a warning? For… bumping into you?"

Hunter was a little suspicious, moving closer to you, watching your forehead. Looking for any evidence of injury.

"Oh no, of course not. It was an accident. I also barely looked where I was going."

You tried to be as gentle as possible, despite your brow and nose bothering you, already realizing that it couldn't be too easy for them to get along with each other. You continued:

"Trust me, I know what it's like to be bothered all the time by little jokes and to have people pick on me out of simple dislike. I'm not like the rest of the employees."

Wrecker approached you, already with a content expression on his face.

"There is! I liked her! At least someone here doesn't hate us!"

The clone pulled you into a hug, pressing his side with yours. You blushed a little, as physical contact was never common with you.

Hunter continued with a suspicious expression and his arms now crossed, making him even more imposing, just taking the look off your face, when the communicator you carried in your pocket beeped.

Brought out of your reverie by Wrecker's tight embrace and Hunter's form, you picked up your communicator to read the newly arrived messages.

"Uh… I need to go. Nala Se never give me a break. See you later guys. Hope to meet the rest of you!"

You headed towards the exit, leaving a sympathetic smile as you left the clones. They were still there, trying to absorb how kind you, a scientist, were to them.

[liquidlikecats]

📌 & ✨ for the hyperfixation asks!

Hffhfhfhr THANK YOU rubs my gay hands together an excuse to talk abt my ✨ Hyperfixations ✨

📌 How did you find your hyperfixation?

Well more like how did you find your hyperfixations and that uh. Yeah that certainly happened.

With biology, it all started when I was a young moss and my father took me to the city I apparently had always loved dinosaurs and everything alive. And that never changed. And I kept devouring the bio lessons and every single book abt animals that I could find. And then I wanted to become a Neurobiologist to research mental illnesses cuz I've got a ton myself. And then the mental illnesses didn't let me so now I'm sitting in my corner like that angy cat and still devouring biology info.

Fire Emblem was a funny story actually cuz I found it when I was still on Instagram and followed this one German artist whom I once accidentally found through deviantart bc of all the anime I watch(ed) and he kept mentioning it now and then so one day after coming back from a summer vacation I took my little me and walked myself to the store and bought my first fire emblem game, Fire Emblem Echoes for the Nintendo 3ds which slaps so incredibly stupidly hard and also has one alloaro and aroace coded character each. I will stop here it turns into a 50 page essay. Deen, you made me realize I like broody guys with swords and I owe you my life for that.

Uh. So many animes I'm still kind of obsessed with and also ff7 which I never got to play and where I'm waiting for the remake to be available on PC and praying for ff7r2 to not take 10 years to come out. Vincent, call me back. You're one of my favorite comfort characters. How did I even find that fucker. Fuck if I know. WAIT maybe it was when two of my friends who were in the same rp group as me got me into a FF mobile game and I could have little a Vincent, as a treat, and it all. Happened from there.

I am 99% sure I'm forgetting a bunch bc honest to God I just regularly cycle through all of them.

✨ What draws you to your hyperfixations? What interests you about them?

Well you see, biology is the science that explains how life itself functions and there is scarcely anything more interesting to me. To understand what I am made of, what lies beneath my skin, how everything I do and need to survive factors into each other and functions, how everything else alive around me does. The deep fascination for life and its refusal to disappear, it's sheer nigh impossibility and how yet it remains and develops and exists in more forms than anyone could ever comprehend. How much we don't know about it all, how much there yet lies in wait to be discovered. Learning from the life around us, transferring and using knowledge for ourselves. There is such a joy in learning and life offers endless lessons to be taken.

I like chess with maths. Not actual chess, I fucking hate that, but chess with maths where I know every single one of my pieces personally and come to care so deeply for them that I will do everything I can to ensure they get a good ending, to ensure they'll be fine, to make them strong and see their dreams come true. I get so very involved in the characters and lore, especially those that pick my fancy, in their entire life story, personality and how they interact and intersect with the world they're from. Also I like to slap aro on everyone and then make them kiss.

Games, books and anime get my brain going in a pretty similar to fe. It's the stories. The emotions and situations, what's conveyed and how it makes me feel. The deep bond I can potentially forge with the medium, the joy I can draw from it. Joy is stored in them. Also sometimes I just really need to beat the shit out of something so I go play witcher on blood and broken bones and crack some skulls.

This certainly turned out to be long. But it is the hyperfixations so there was no other possible ending for this lmao. Twas quite fun uwu

[kaffeinic]

60 Question Tag Challenge!

I was challenged by @woo-for-woojin to answer all of these. To be fair, I challenged her first, but let’s not get into the details. Original post of questions by @roseyygf.

1: Selfie.

GAAAAAAAH I HATE THIS ALREADY SMH IM SO UGLY.

Lmao look at my fingers. What the hell is going on there?

2: What would you name your future kids?

I feel like that’s a joint decision, so I can’t say. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll want to have my own kids through childbirth. My family has a genetic disposition to difficulties during pregnancy. I might adopt.

3: Do you miss anyone?

A few people. Some of them I haven’t even met in person. I miss my BFF from school. I miss a few people online that I’ve fallen out of touch with. I’m always missing people. 😂

4: What are you looking forward to?

College, and moving out of my house. I’ve been itching to do both of these for years now.

5: Is there anyone who can always make you smile?

@hoshithehamster, @woo-for-woojin, @a-toxic-galaxy, my BFF from school, and my older sister. Also, I swear, @hoshithehamster and I are literally are always TALKING IN CAPS LOCK BECAUSE WE ARE IDIOTS AND WE HAVE THE WEIRDEST, MOST FUN CONVERSATIONS EVER.

6: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Once I’ve gone all-in, yeah. When it’s a crush, not usually. I’m really slow to develop a crush on someone. Painfully slow lol. I’m cautious because I’ve been hurt by people in that regard a few times. One incident had me suicidal for a long time.

7: What was your life like last year?

Kind of the same? I didn’t have this blog open. If you had asked this regarding two years ago, I would have said that I wasn’t homeschooling, didn’t know how to play piano much, didn’t have this blog, and was very depressed because of my old schoolmates.

8: Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

YES! Whenever I feel stuck and know I have no control of a situation, I get frustrated and find a quiet place to cry.

9: Who did you last see in person?

I’m assuming this means out of my own household. The last person I saw was my older sister and her roommates, who I am really good friends with. One of them loves coffee as much as me and it’s great! I spent the night. That was over a month and a half ago lmao. Before that, I had gone on a date at a coffee shop.

10: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yeah. My family gets angry at me if I’m sad or angry about anything, so I hold it all in. It definitely has made life a bit harder. I make people angry when I won’t disclose my feelings to them. I just find it to be better to hold it. I have to be really comfortable with you and really love you if I’ll tell you that I’m sad/angry and why.

11: Are you listening to music right now?

Yeah. It’s Le Pire by Maître Gims. He’s a really great French singer.

12: What is something you want right now?

If this is concerning food, I’m in the mood for chicken right now lol. I need some protein. Aside from food, I’m wanting to get a pedal for my electric piano. I have no sustain and it ruins a lot of songs. 😂 It’s why I have my ko-fi open.

13: How do you feel right now?

Meh. I’m not feeling great. I have some issues with fainting. My blood pressure drops like a rock at times and I feel it coming on, if you know what I’m saying. It’s this kind of lethargic, sick feeling. I’m trying to drink a lot of water, just in case it’s about dehydration.

14: When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

When I last visited my favourite coffee shop. For those of you who read Caffeinic, Chan’s character design is a mix of his true personality and a barista at my café of choice. He always gives me a hug when I see him, and when I say good bye. 😊

15: Personality description?

For a quick description, I’d say that INFJ, which is my MBTI type, is really accurate for me. I’ll let one of my friends try to describe me. I’m bad at describing myself lol.

Okay, but my heart is combusting. This amazing hooman, I lob her so much!!!! One of my best friends for sure.

16: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

All the time. I’m sure you all have heard Fight Song by Rachel Platten, but that line where she says, “And all those things I didn't say // Wrecking balls inside my brain // I will scream them loud tonight // Can you hear my voice this time?” really resonates with me. It was that lyric that hooked me on this song.

17: Opinion on insecurities?

I think 90% of us have them. They are humbling, which can be good, but I urge you to know your worth. I’m such a hypocrite.

18: Do you miss how things were a year ago?

Not really. Not much has changed.

19: Have you ever been to New York?

No, but I’d love to visit! I’m from the west coast lol.

20: What is your favourite song at the moment?

Ramai by Delia & The Motans. I listen to a lot of different languages in music lol. I have no idea what any of it means, so if it’s inappropriate, I apologize.

21: Age and birthday.

Internationally, 18. May 3, 2001.

22: Description of crush.

I don’t think I have a crush???? Haha. There’s this really kind, pretty hot barista at the café who seems to like me but I’m avoiding relationships, so idk. He has green eyes and black, curly hair. He’s maybe 170-180cm, but I’m not entirely sure. He looks damn good in a button up, I... wow. 🥵

23: Fear(s)?

So many lmao. I’m afraid of some trivial things, like bugs and rollercoasters, but I’m also afraid of some different items, like never having a family of my own, or of not being able to achieve my dreams.

24: Height?

154(?)cm. About 5’1.”

25: Role model?

I don’t think I have one lmao. I just try to be the best person I can be. It’s a goal in life for me to be a truly good person.

26: Idol(s).

Aren’t Idols and Role Models pretty much the same thing..? 😂 To be general, I look up to those who have studied in medical school because I know it’s a rollercoaster of difficulties and debt. I applaud them.

27: Things I hate:

This could be a very long list. Let’s go:

Unnecessary rudeness/bullying

Being forced into things I don’t like and/or am afraid of doing

Being lied to

Being stolen from

Being thrown in awkward situations

Being denied my alone time

When people make a mess that I have to clean

When I cook for people and they don’t thank me. My face just scrunched in anger while I typed this one lmao.

Arrogant/egotistic people

So many more, but I’ll cut it off there. 😊

28: “I’ll love you if...”

OOF. There’s no specific thing someone could do. If you love me, I’ll love you. I don’t mean the “awe ily” kind of love. I mean the “I will keep you out of trouble and protect you and be around you only to enjoy your company because I love you” kind of love. True love. Not that artificial crap.

29: Favourite film(s)?

Room 1408 is really good haha. I also really liked A Simple Favour. I like a lot of movies lmao. Superhero movies are always good.

30: Favourite tv show(s)?

I watched a lot of Black Mirror before we got rid of Netflix. I watch Superstore and Brooklyn 99 like they’re the gospel. I’m always down for Gilmore Girls because it’s a classic. I often watch my old childhood shows like Danny Phantom.

31: 3 random facts.

I’m assuming you mean, “3 random facts about me” lol.

I play piano.

I read “too much.” Let’s be honest, is it even possible to read too much?

I write my own stories and songs all of the time.

32: Are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Oof. My absolute closest friends are girls, but the majority of people I would consider my friends are male.

33: Something you want to learn.

Everything I can about medicine. I’m so interested in it, and I love the idea of fixing someone’s body. I’m fascinated by the weird and/or nasty things about our bodies. I hope that doesn’t sound too weird. I also wanna learn how to use a French press lmao.

34: Most embarrassing moment?

I had been selected to perform in a talent show a few years back for my old school and I got up there, face planting on the floor. Halfway through the song, I froze up and forgot the lyrics. I have never forgotten that.

35: Favourite subject?

Any form of science or Language Arts.

36: 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

Become a doctor.

Write a song that someone can perform onstage.

Clock in my 10,000 hours in piano.

Extra: I want to learn violin so badly!

37: Favourite actor/actress?

Jennifer Aniston or Nicolas Cage probably. I don’t pay much attention to actors. I also love Jeremy Renner’s work!

38: Favourite comedian(s)?

Oh lord, this question was made for me. Randy Feltface, Samuel J. Conroe, TwoSet, Ross Lynch, and many, many more!

39: Favourite sport(s)?

Volleyball, baseball, and badminton. Low/no-contact sports lol.

40: Favourite memory?

I can’t think of a specific one, but my best memories are always those random, funny moments I have with friends. I don’t think I’m ever gonna forget when my friend and I named one of her plants for the first time. I made a plant family tree. Dear lord save my soul.

41: Relationship status?

Single~

42: Favourite book(s)?

THAT IS THE HARDEST QUESTION EVER! How can I be expected to answer this???? 😂 I don’t have a favourite.

43: Favourite song ever?

Is this q&a list crafted specifically for me to not be able to answer any of the questions? 😂 I don’t have one. It changes with time.

44: Age you get mistaken for?

People always think I’m younger than I am, but if they don’t, then they over shoot it. Most people think I’m 16, or as old as 20-22. It’s crazy lol.

45: How you found out about your idol.

I’m going to interpret this as how I found out about my ult bias, who is Chan from Stray Kids. I was surfing SoundCloud and found the 3racha page. There wasn’t much there, but I liked what they had recorded. From then, I saw some of their survival show and may have kind of fallen for Channie and his personality lmao. Whoops.

46: What my last text message says.

This is the one I got while I was answering this specific question. 😊

“I feel that. I do hate unrealistic stories or stories that go on to fast like. I want to read stories where I feel like the reader could be me and not some sort of perfect girl getting the attention of all the people and fell in love withing 3 seconds and marry. I know that there must be some drama and special things to keep the story going and that's OK but I really appreciate stories who are still based more on a normal life. And you really do a good job in writing normal life stories // And tbh no story made me as happy as your barista!Chan story. It really is something different and I love it.”

Idk if the sender would be okay with me sharing that it was them, so I just copied it lol. I truly do love the feedback I get from you guys! Thank you all so much~~!

47: Turn-ons?

I’m assuming - again - that you mean romantically? I’ve always liked someone who has a decent sense of humour. Whenever I see someone working hard at their job/studies, part of me finds it... sexy? Idk. I’m weird. Save me. 😂

48: Turn-offs?

Overconfidence is a big no-no. It’s annoying as well. I can’t stand someone who truly is an idiot. Nothing turns me off more than getting a text that’s barely legible with a million abbreviations. Speak to me like someone with a brain, please. Another big turn-off is someone who is just automatically very sexual. I’m not a super sexual person, and I don’t want to hang out with someone who has a one-track mind in that sense.

49: Where I want to be right now.

The café.

50: Favourite picture of your idol?

But... he’s so pretty? How??

Sorry. I do not own these gifs/photos of Chan~

51: Star sign?

Taurus..? Idk if that’s for horoscopes lol.

52: Something I’m talented at.

Mmmmmm idk. I’m pretty mundane. I read a lot. I really would love to say I’m talented at piano, but I just don’t think I’m there yet.

53: 5 things that make me happy.

“Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...” Sorry.

Classical music

The smell of an old book

Petrichor and/or rainstorms

Playing piano

The smell of coffee

54: Something that’s worrying me at the moment.

Everything?? 😂 I’m worried about affording college tuition at the moment. I’m a senior and it’s steadily approaching.

55: Tumblr friends?

I almost yeeted my phone across the room. This is my question. 😂

@hoshithehamster, my fellow plant mother. I think we are each other’s spirit animal lol. I love you more than you know~! As a side note: She’s model material, I swear! Soooooo pretty, inside and out!

@woo-for-woojin, the most adorable and thoughtful person ever?? Always a pleasure to speak to. She gives the coolest and cutest requests ever, I’m-

@a-toxic-galaxy, one of the first people who supported this blog. I love you so much! We both have gotten a little busy lately, but I hope we never fall out of touch.

@doubleknot42, I guess more of an acquaintance? I still really want to get to know her more. The content on her blog is amazing, I highly recommend.

@ethereal-chanracha, someone who I’ve just recently started talking to. We’ve learned so much about each other in such a short time and I already think she’s so awesome! If you’re down for a good conversation, hit her up.

@palemoonpersephone, a friend I made after writing a post about my experiences at school. She is one of the sweetest, most thoughtful and hardworking people I’ve ever met. She offered to be my friend if ever I need one, and I don’t regret it. 💕

56: Favourite food(s).

Homemade granola (I make it a lot.)

Salad (Don’t @ me. I really do enjoy salad. I’m much more of an herbivore. 😂)

Most types of Chinese chicken

This spicy noodle thing I think I invented?

Italian sandwiches

Any type of spicy chip (Takis, Hot Cheetos, etc...)

Plain white rice

Gochu jang flavoured chicken

Despite this list, know that I’m a very picky eater lol

57: Favourite animal(s).

Foxes

Doggos

CATS

White tigers

HEDGEHOGS OML

58: Description of my best friend.

Y’all probably know who this is, but...

Kind

Attentive

Smart

Pretty

Passionate

gOOFY (like me)

The best plant mother in existence??? Fight me.

Patient

Empathetic

And SO much more~~!

59: Why I joined tumblr?

Initially, just to find cool posts and like/reblog whatever I enjoyed. My main blog, @assainfj, is the same blog I started with lol. It’s now become a place for me to share my thoughts and my writing and to meet amazing hoomans.

60: Ask me anything you want.

YASSSSS PLEASE I love answering your questions~~~~~! Send in as many as you’d like!

~

I tag: @hoshithehamster • @a-toxic-galaxy • @palemoonpersephone • @doubleknot42 • @ethereal-chanracha & anyone else who wants to do this!

[micaramel]

The internet as we know it changed the jobscape significantly.

While jobs like app developers or social media managers didn't exist 20 years ago, they've become extremely lucrative.

The legalization of marijuana has also given way to a host of new jobs.

Visit Insider's homepage for more stories.

Technology is constantly changing the way we work, live, and play — emphasis on "work." While technology has rendered many jobs people had back in the '90s obsolete, it also created a host of new positions that never before existed.

From making a living off selling artisanal candles on Etsy to managing social media, the career options available today are nothing like they were 20 years ago.

Keep scrolling to learn about 15 popular jobs in 2019 that weren't even conceivable 20 years ago.

FOLLOW US: Insider is on Facebook

Apps weren't invented until the late 2000s, so app developers weren't a thing yet.

In 2019, there are apps for everything. At Insider, we've rounded up the best travel apps to make your life easier, the most helpful apps you should use every day,  and apps that will help you save money — among many others.

All of these apps (short for applications) require developers who saw a need, thought of an idea, and made it a reality. And since we use apps every single day, the industry is huge. According to Statista, in 2018 the global app revenue hit an estimated $365.2 billion USD.

In the same vein, tech-y jobs like web analyst, SEO specialist, and coder, all didn't exist.

While drones have been around for a while, commercial companies like Amazon have only started using drones in the past five years. Those drones need operators.

In addition to delivering packages for PrimeAir, the film industry is increasingly taking advantage of the unique shots a drone can get. To start making money off your drone, you'll need to pass the Aeronautical Knowledge Test, obtain a Remote Pilot Certificate, and pass a background check.

Content moderators weren't around in '99, because there wasn't any content to moderate.

Content moderators are people who are hired to sift through the things that get uploaded to sites like Facebook or YouTube by users, and make sure that they're compliant with the terms of the site. They also weed through items that have been flagged as inappropriate.

While the internet can be a great place for people to share their artwork, speak their mind, and connect with people across the globe, it takes content moderators to make sure that its various platforms remain a safe and pleasant place to spend time.

It may seem like everyone has a podcast these days — it's the next step in radio — but the first podcast wasn't shared until 2003.

Podcasts are basically radio shows on your phone that can be about literally anything, from true crime to McDonalds' Szechuan sauce. 

Podcast hosts make money by reading ads during their episodes, going on tour and recording for live audiences, or using crowdfunding website Patreon (where fans can pay small amounts of money in exchange for bonus content or special perks).

The marijuana industry is growing quickly — and the many dispensaries popping up need employees.

Now that recreational marijuana use is legal in eleven states and the District of Columbia, and its medical use accepted in 33 states, weed aficionados have wasted no time putting their knowledge towards a paycheck by opening dispensaries and farms, or by becoming "budtenders."

CNN says that the emerging industry is poised to make around $11 billion in 2018, and $21 billion in 2021.

3D printers don't operate themselves — they need technicians. 3D printing is expected to be a 21-billion dollar industry by 2020.

Everything can be 3D printed these days — even complete houses. The industry is growing, and expected to hit $35.6 by 2024.

According to Engineering 360, a technician is "involved in all stages of the manufacturing process, from file prep to packing and shipping; there is also responsibility for printer maintenance."

While being an influencer isn't the most traditional career, some earn thousands of dollars per post on apps that weren't even around until this past decade.

Bella Thorne, an actress/singer/influencer, shared that she can make up to $65,000 per post on Instagram.

Influencers can get money, as well as free clothes and vacations, by plugging certain places or products on their social media accounts — as long as they have enough followers.

  Social media has become such a huge part of our lives that companies now need to employ social media managers to control a brand's various social media accounts.

Social media strategies can make or break brands — take a look at Wendy's Twitter account, or KFC's, to see how solid social media can increase engagement and sales.

And whether a brand's social media is good or not depends on its social media manager, whose job it is to represent a company online by curating its social media platforms, be it Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, or YouTube.

Sustainability managers are in charge of making sure an office or company is doing its very best to protect the environment and engage in sustainable practices — something that has only become popular relatively recently.

Being green, or environmentally conscious, is a huge deal for businesses today. And according to Chegg, sustainability managers "are responsible for ensuring that their company does all it can for the environment, at the best price for the organization." This role can vary from figuring out ways to conserve energy to introducing a new recycling program.

A Chief Listening Officer's job is to listen to what customers and employees are saying about a company, in the office, and on social media.

Chief listening officer might not sound like a real job, but it most certainly is. According to Chegg, chief listening officers focus "on blogs, Pinterest, Twitter, Facebook, and beyond. [They] keep track of all forms of social media to see what the buzz is about your company ... then pass on complaints, product ideas, or tips from customers to the various departments within your organization."

In addition to monitoring social media, a chief listening officer also listens to what's being said within a company, keeping tabs on employees' workplace satisfaction.

Uber is a staple in most people's daily lives and employs millions of drivers. But Uber wasn't even around until 2009.

Uber's revenue in 2018 came to $11.3 billion, even though it's competing with many other ride-sharing apps like Lyft or Via.

Ride-sharing apps are huge in the "gig economy," employing millions of drivers around the world (Uber co-founder Garrett Camp said in 2017 that Uber alone employs around 2 million drivers).

  The field of genetics is rapidly expanding, creating the need for genetic counselors: someone who can help parents-to-be understand what their genes mean for their baby.

We learn more about genetics and genetic disorders every day — so the demand for genetic counselors is high. Genetic counseling, according to the National Society "is a process to evaluate and understand a family's risk of an inherited medical condition."

Essentially, when a person is planning on having a child, a genetic counselor is able to determine what genetic conditions the baby is likely (or unlikely) to inherit. This is useful for identifying the chance of the baby having a chromosomal condition like Down's Syndrome.

  The college admissions process is more competitive than ever, creating a need for admissions consultants.

High school seniors are so anxious about college rejections that they're applying to dozens of schools, racking up over $1,000 in application fees, according to the New York Times.

Many parents are committed to getting their child every possible edge on their peers, which is where admissions consultants come in. It's a professional who can help a student prioritize what schools they should be applying to, show them how to make their application stand out, and aid with recommendation letters.

While artisanal shops have always existed, they've been limited to brick-and-mortar stores. Running an online shop eliminates the need for a storefront, and allows people to ship their creations all around the world.

Websites like Etsy allow anyone to sell their handmade wares, and to every far-reaching corner of the globe. Selling products on the site (as well as others) has become a viable career path, as Etsy has launched a multitude of successful businesses.

Sara Charles began selling handmade printed apparel on her Etsy shop, and it quickly became her main source of income, with over 16,000 sales. 

Driverless cars seemed like a thing of the distant future 20 years ago, but now they're quickly becoming a reality, due to the hard work of a specialized set of engineers.

Driverless cars have been cruising the roads for some time now, but they've still got a long way to go. The people behind these "magical" cars are actually working with complex science and technology, and are dedicating their careers to making them as safe as possible.

Read more:

From secretaries to substitute teachers, these are the fastest-dying jobs in every US state

20 years from now, our homes will have mirrors that give us style tips to robots that help us with dinner

30 things that might be obsolete by 2020

Bill Gates made these 15 predictions back in 1999 — and it's fascinating how accurate he was

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