#schrödingers cat in a klein bottle

[art-of-mathematics]

... if you wonder where I started to doodle the drawing of schröinger's cat in the klein bottle...

... It was on that non-linear regression visualization.

Just as I indulged in thinking about what this non-linear regression thing might depict in real life (hint: some non-linear causality stuff... so to speak.. errr... primarily conservation of momentum... ) I started to randomly draw a möbius strip.

And then I somewhat imagined a cat in that möbius strip and drew that cat body above the part of the möbius strip. (That's one of the pragmatic reasons why the cat is very dark there. The other reason is for pure aesthetical aspects... )

And then I had a cat floating in a möbius strip.

This led me to adding a klein bottle around the cat-möbius strip bundle.

This is literally recursive mindfucks...

The way this drawing of Schrödingers cat in a klein bottle emerged (process of creating it) is more art than the actual resulting artwork/drawing (the created/creation)

----- --- -- - -

This train of thought partially reminds me of the aphorism:

'The whole is more than the sum of its parts, as it contains both the parts as well as the interaction patterns between the parts.'

[onemoreattempt]

If elves had texting/social media hcs:

Sophie: Kinda went over this here. horrible about getting back to ppl. Will accidentally leave you on read. Thinks she responded but didn’t. Her social media notifications are through the roof. If you need her urgently, you should probably just call. Very occasional posts. She’s doing her best.

Dex: Usually good at responding to messages, depending on how busy he is and if he’s around the triplets. Fast typist/texter. One of the few helpful ppl on Reddit.

Fitz: fast responder, usually no typos. Rarely uses shortened words or acronyms

Biana: I feel like Biana would cringe internally at misused homonyms/grammar errors, but she’d be nice about it. She types with pretty good grammar, other than the obvious texting things like acronyms, initialisms, and other word shortening things. If the elves typed in English, she’d never use the wrong ‘your’ or ‘there’ and she’s a firm believer in the Oxford comma. She’d also be a Pinterest/Instagram girlie.

Marella: types in all lowercase. knows about everything that’s happening anywhere. has all the social media. Occasionally trolls flat earthers claiming that the earth is actually shaped like a Klein bottle.

Keefe: gif city. Silliest Instagram ever. Fs blurry selfies and pictures of things him with things Sophie brought him from the forbidden cities. Yt haver. Might troll human politicians on twitter without knowing what he’s talking about. Definitely gets in on trolling the flat earthers. Claims the earth is shaped like Schrödinger’s cat (or Uranus, depending on the day).

Maruca: Probably on tiktok. Terrifying to text with if you have any kind of social anxiety and you are not close friends. Very direct texting style. Unnecessarily ends things with periods, and is a slow texter. It reads as pissed off until you get to know her. She’s an absolute riot in friend group chats. Like super funny.

Stina: If a message reads as pissed off it’s bc she is❤️ Absolutely bounces off Maruca in the gc. Stina = a voice memo person?? I also feel like yt and tiktok are her main social media. She doesn’t post on yt, but she does post on TikTok showing the work she does with unicorns. Definitely puts cuter moments on Instagram too. She and Maruca ft while going through their hair care routines.

Linh: I don’t necessarily think she would, but she has the potential to make one of the most aesthetically pleasing Instagram accounts (Linhstagram, if you will). Idk I feel like Linh would be into hiking and posting photos of that, plus her and Tam, or her and Marella. But, honestly, she probably just posts photos of her mercat😭 She also has the vibes of using the little press and hold mini responses a lot (like ❤️👍❓mostly until Tam goes off and Rayni shows up)

Tam: I feel like Tam is a bad or at least scarce texter. Maybe a gc ghost too. Everyone is surprised and excited when he responds in the gc bc he hasn’t done so in 4 months. Dude has no social media. Really only has his phone to communicate with Linh

Jensi: so much love for him, but he definitely has fast typing, lots of typos vibes. Early on in the series, he was very excitable, and the audiobook narrator makes him talk fast, so that makes me think he’d probably speed type his texts and send them without checking for typos first. Gets back to you in a snap🫰. Probably sends a lot of messages in succession when telling a story. May send videos explaining things as well, or voice memos that get off topic very fast.

[g0fckur531f]

did you ever consider schrödinger’s cat inside a klein bottle? welcome to the fucked up recursive thought pattern. it contains itself within itself.

thoughts from beyond my inner klein bottle *laughs mathematically*

[der-neurodivergente]

I write, because I forget everything I have just thought.

(Thought in the back corner of my mind: "That's what I call the 'writer syndrome'.")

((side-thought1: my brain has no corners, it's an infinitely dimensional manifold ha!))

(((side-thought1+1 followed by side-thought1: Did you know that calabi-yau-manifolds literally look like brains? They're just.... mathematical theory.)))

*infinite set of thoughts has been released by mentioning my special interest of mathematics*

infodumping.exe is loading..

So my thoughts turn into fractals the more they loop on/in-to themselves... i guess they're just being self-referent in the process of self-copying and slightly iterating the parameters...oooops hello chaos operator, I forgot you were there, nice to meet you on board of our infinite, or should I rather say, ever-looping-into-itself, "ordered disorder".

My beloved chaos, you enlighten me haha. So many side thoughts keep changing that iterations of self-similarity and it creates such beautiful patterns...

I guess this is mathematical cognitive science philosophizing about its own principles plus inducing formalizations of quantum mechanical behavior....

Damn, I feel like talking utter nonsense, but, you know, this strem of thoughts would otherwise cease to exist if I hadn't written it down...

and then I couldn't have wasted your time by my brain injuring logical blackflips. (That's my utter speciality - like: imagine schrödinger's cat inside a klein bottle.... actually that's what I devote all my life to hahaha seriously I have no *real* life, but y'know: reality's just a dream and we're all a projection of our own imagination.)

In the upshot I don't care whetver I waste my life on what sparks joy for me somehow, although others imagine it as pure hell, buuuut whatever it is my life.

Also I started to learn PHP and write code for what will become a *really social* social network one day. *prime factorization intensifies* (I love that prime factorization can be used to make passwords save, because you can easily encode them, but decoding them, so said the other way, is much more difficult.)

Oh yeah I love that my brain is able to produce (long-distance) coherent thoughts lately again. (But that is for another post on another account perhaps...)

[art-of-mathematics]

Quantum systems are literal works of art, to be honest!

Also, the wave function collapse just means their position became a binary outcome.

In a sense, isolated elementary particles and their resulting entanglement is really a phenomenon I regard as 'Schrödinger's cat in a klein bottle' - in which the state of an isolated particle is undeterminable, because it became indistinguishable whether it is "inside" the klein bottle or 'outside' of it - in a more partially concrete sense, the information of the entangled particle "desintegrated into the medium"... If you consider elementary particles as some sort of 'folded spacetime', as in John Wheeler's conception of 'quantum foam' this makes sense somehow.

An isolated system is similar to an (information) singularity in my thesis and hence results in the paradox behavior. It even claims and explains that an 100% dense spot in spacetime cannot really be distinguished from a 0% one, (remark: they are isolated systems! ) as, in the analogy of the 'folded spacetime' this would mean such a large compression... Singularities are like irons ironing the distortions of spacetime.

Furthermore, if you see elementary particles as a dynamical information geometry, their isolated states make them a 'fully closed loop' resulting in a special synchronicity of their internal symmetries - and a certain probability distribution pattern is the result of the interference between its 'internal butterfly clones (anthitetic possible states). An isolated system is fully self-interfering, leading to a special kind of inner equilibrium and interesting symmetries of self-interfering possible antithetic states. (That's the overall concept of butterfly progression)

I am sorry if it all sounds incomprehensible. The entire thesis is diffiult to articulate, as it introduces a lot of concepts which are merely just tiny interpretation shifts of already observed phenomena.

my opinion on quantum physics is that we should stop looking into it. it's none of our business and frankly the particles seem to agree

[art-of-mathematics]

Did you ever consider Schrödinger's cat inside a klein bottle? Welcome to the fucked up recursive thought pattern. It contains itself within itself.

Thoughts from beyond my inner klein bottle *laughs mathematically*

“‘I am alive!’ said the cat’s corpse inside the klein bottle.”

[art-of-mathematics]

"If our brains were simple enough for us to understand them, we'd be so simple that we couldn't." - Ian Stewart

It reminds me of interweaving Gödel's incompleteness theorems with (recursive) dynamical non-linear complex systems (formal logic x chaos theory/ meta-mathematics x applied/pure mathematics mixture)

-cognition and memory as interweaving structure-process-complex itself is a prime example for that.

- Schrödinger's cat in a klein bottle - the transcendence of a pardox - self-weaving reality - nodus vacui (self-knotting void knot) - gravity as emergent function of information distribution

"The whole is more than the sum of its parts, as the whole includes both the parts as well as the space in-between."

"Generalization is only sufficiently valid if it can explain more than its parts alone."

(Connection between these statements is left as an exercise to the reader.)

(The more you understand the less it will sound like psychotic nonsense. - non-linear cognition to the max! Randomness is not the same as chaos - causal networks/correlations)

Perhaps I will elaborate later in a many pages essay or book or whatever.

[art-of-mathematics]

That's the original 'space' where my drawing of "Schrödinger's cat" started.

Scanned it (unfortunately bad choice as the scanning quality is far worse than my camera), then deleted the notes with those Fibonacci numbers, rearranged the frame and printed it to add my further ideas with the helix around the "pipe-secion" of the klein bottle via the old school - pencil way.

Also: look at the calm face. Is this how she feels with her existence on the verge of non-existence? Calmfui and peaceful? As Every antithetic state seems to annihilate each other.

Maybe she's just transcended into her higher self as she leaped into her semi-literal out-of-body perspective about herself? Maybe that is what a high degree of self-reference in means of metacognition causes? An altered consciousness. Maybe I just depicted myself with it? Maybe I have put myself in the perfect trance state - literally on a superposed state of existence and non-existence?

It does sound nuts, but in a metaphorical sense this interpretation describes it the very best in a multitude of ways.

[art-of-mathematics]

I thought I wanted to share these devastating, yet still somehow deeply comforting words with you.

I also thought about including parts of these autobiographical things in the book with all my fused projects - as you can't separate a creation from its own creator - and you can't separate a creator from his own processes that made him create his creations.

//Well. This is like a trinity in that 'recursive autogenesis': creator creates creation. Creation creates the creator's creating process. The creator's creating process creates the creator. //What a strange mental loophole!

//I never had it with religion, but it just sounds like the jesus-god-holy spirit trinity. //At this point I can say that religious writings tell more about man himself than what people attribute to a 'holy entity'. //Plot twist: the 'divine' is nothing more than a self-creating algorithm - and I think it makes the entire concepts depicted in many religions far better - as somewhat, in a sense, the religious texts are roughly true - but the reality of it is far stranger and less imagination-less than people tend to view it as. The concrete details of this model are far more intriguing than the manmade silly overly simplified stuff in our human imagination. Reality is far, far greater than the imagination of man. And that shows in the patterns of reality.

That is the oddest mental maneuver I ever made. And it's like. The transcendence of paradoxes.

I really AM Schrödinger's cat in a klein bottle, in a sense. Like I am entangled and dissolved into the super-ordinate medium - like a total dissolution of ego and self.

It's the oddest shit! Like those enlightened gurus...(Maybe that is what happened with me.)

singularity.exe and welcoming the start of our life - embracing our healing

Waking from the nightmare of prolonged trauma -

the "different kind of healing" - metacognition, and art, science, mathematics and philosophy - these have been my best friends since I can remember remembering my own perception and thoughts.

Through science I could find certainty in uncertainty.

As to quote none less than Marie Curie:

"Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less."

Mother nature has always been the best mother as well as teacher I ever had.

In a way, she has teached me the art of mastering my perception: the art of Seeing.

She has shown me how to see, and how to think. She has shown me how chaos can unravel itself.

Each and every day I embrace our survival and celebrate the beauty of our wonderful world.

Although I have lost two entire decades of my life to the unfortunate struggle to merely ensure mere survival, in asense, I am grateful of having given the opportunity to experience the gift of consciousness as what it is actually supposed to be: A blessing, and not a curse.

I have chosen my destiny. And this trauma ends with us.

We will not perpetuate to pass on this needless suffering.

That is the only difference between a psychopath and a revolutionary: Whilst the former drowns in his anger and hatred, wallows in this pain and self-pity, and loses touch with his real self (, his self is scattered, smashed by his unbearable suffering), he acts upon his pain, perpetuates to pass on the misery: He seeks revenge as he cannot make sense of the intentions behind his own unbearable emotions. Is he really to blame for the prolonged hurt he has experienced his whole life?

As far as I can see: He is not, not really, not entirely, at least.

Yet, it's still up to him if he wants to flee from his pain, and in this process amplifies his misery.

The psychopath and revolutionary often share the same biography, yet the latter is willing to confront himself with his own deepest pain. He is willing to look his demons straight into their eyes. And he has witnessed their pain. He has seen the world from the view of the psychopath and understood, hate cannot be extinguished by more hate, but only by compassion and understanding.

The pain, hatred and anger - he understood the intentions of these unbearable emotions - it is not the thirst for the perpetuation of suffering, but the end of it.

The revolutionary wants to destroy what is causing unneccessary destruction. He has compassion. He heals.

The psychopath, sadly never stopped at compassion, but indulged in pity.

Pity ruins the character, Nietzsche wrote in his last book, Ecce Homo.

And I think I have understood what he meant.

Taking care of yourself might be the only option to save the ship from drowning.

If you want to make this world less hateful and destructive, start with yourself.

Give yourself the compassion you always wished to be given to you when you needed it the most.

Few weeks ago I have witnessed a deep and real compassion for the first time in my life - it was devastatingly beautiful. It came from deep inside myself. And I have realized I had a family inside of me all the time. Their love was more pure, more real than all I ever received from my biological family.

And I look at it with a positive mindset. I can't undo our past. But I can undo how I deal with the pain.

The strength I have gathered throughout the recent months, despite the increasing difficulties, it has literally shown me the "bright side of darkness".

The process of re-evaluating my own life, misery and pain, futility - It has helped me to become human.

Somehow, in order to become human I first had to become an Übermensch.

I had to defeat my own demons. But I didn't defeat them as viewing it as a war and using hate, but I changed perspectives and started to see it as dance, using compassion - the dance of polarity.

This life has been such a psychedelic trip - and a nightmare for far too long.

This is our awakening.

That is our (re-)birth.

We allow ourselves to become human now.

//2022/04/26

[art-of-mathematics]

Regarding my theoretical nonsense, "Schrödinger's cat in a klein bottle" might hit closer to the actual truth than I initially believed. Lol - Currently I work on a model of quantizing spacetime using imaginary numbers, where space axes are regarded as circular, maybe toroidal or more certainly möbius-like, and time axes surround these axes as helices. Should still become difficult to consider fusing the 3 space "axes" and their accompanied time helices. This will become a lil bit complex /lame pun intended/

Furthermore it might make sense with time dilation/space contraction interpreted as "frequency changes" of the coiled time helix.

This sounds more nuts than it actually seems to come out to be.

We'll see where this shit might lead, other than utter insanity and confusion. Lol

[art-of-mathematics]

Schrödinger's cat in a Klein bottle - Entangled in non-linear causal networks

(part of my art series "The emergence of reality and the hidden order of chaos")

Schrödinger's cat in a klein bottle - What does that even mean? This thought experiment consists of two parts: First; Schrödinger's cat as metaphor for the state of isolated elementary particles, a state of intact wave function and the resulting quantum paradox of simultaneity: an elementary particle is everywhere at once. But how could this aspect fit to our klein bottle concept? A klein bottle is a non-orientable surface, which means the inside is the same as the outside. Considering Schrödinger's cat, the cat is only death and alive is it is IN a CLOSED box - since the klein bottle is not really closed, the cat is both dead as well as alive, because it is both outside the klein bottle as well as outside of it. This is literally the state of quantum conformity: Isolated systems are anomalies in regards of thermodynamics as they are "closed loops" - closed causalities, in a sense. What happens if an elementary particles is isolated? This utter separation leads to a form of disintegration into the medium the particle is embedded in. When it 'evokes', wakes up from its isolation, this is the literal definition of the "wave-function collapse"; An interaction, or in my conception of information weaving: An information transform, a kind of "weaving pattern". Furthermore isolated systems ARE kinds of a singularity. A fully closed loop disintegrates, dissolves, fuses with its medium. It becomes indistinguishable whether it has a 100% density or a 0% one. It is the threshold of invertium. Singularities are "reset buttons" of quantum foam.

As for my new art series: In this series I will depict the concept of "butterfly progression" - a (self-) interference pattern of possible antithetic states, so-called "mirror clones" with pseudo-time shifts resulting in the emergence of physical reality by interweaving information, using certain "information weaving patterns", consisting of self-replication, a translation transform in information progression, and self-interference, a rotation transform.

It will make sense of momentum and position and interweave it with relativity - both special as well as general theory- and gravity, you might ask: Gravity is nothing more than an emergent function in dynamical information geometry: Information clustering, primary aspects will include statistical mechanics and thermodynamics, accompanied by some further detours into many obscure subfields of mathematics! (Having fun with mixing uncountable concepts was never more thrilling!)

[notnotamathblog]

Ohhh, these all look so neat!

Big fan of the Schrödinger's Cat in the Klein bottle

Collecting some infos and quick notes on my ideas and used neologisms of my project "fio ergo sum"...

[art-of-mathematics]

It grew in it like in a womb.

It actually also refers furtherly to the concept of autogenesis in non-linear axiomatic systems, which is a concept i used to explain a principle of the emergence of some important properties in non-linear axiomatic systems, and related accompanied quantum information flows, such as clustering of information (related to Navier-stokes in Quantum information flows, Quantum Gravity), and explains the overall attributes and accompanied behavior of elementary particles, so to speak. [Emergence of form and function as generalized concept] Which is literally an important part of the math related to that thought experiment/drawing of schrödingers cat in a klein bottle.

Schrödinger's cat in a Klein bottle - Entangled in non-linear causal networks

(part of my art series "The emergence of reality and the hidden order of chaos")

Schrödinger's cat in a klein bottle - What does that even mean? This thought experiment consists of two parts: First; Schrödinger's cat as metaphor for the state of isolated elementary particles, a state of intact wave function and the resulting quantum paradox of simultaneity: an elementary particle is everywhere at once. But how could this aspect fit to our klein bottle concept? A klein bottle is a non-orientable surface, which means the inside is the same as the outside. Considering Schrödinger's cat, the cat is only death and alive is it is IN a CLOSED box - since the klein bottle is not really closed, the cat is both dead as well as alive, because it is both outside the klein bottle as well as outside of it. This is literally the state of quantum conformity: Isolated systems are anomalies in regards of thermodynamics as they are "closed loops" - closed causalities, in a sense. What happens if an elementary particles is isolated? This utter separation leads to a form of disintegration into the medium the particle is embedded in. When it 'evokes', wakes up from its isolation, this is the literal definition of the "wave-function collapse"; An interaction, or in my conception of information weaving: An information transform, a kind of "weaving pattern". Furthermore isolated systems ARE kinds of a singularity. A fully closed loop disintegrates, dissolves, fuses with its medium. It becomes indistinguishable whether it has a 100% density or a 0% one. It is the threshold of invertium. Singularities are "reset buttons" of quantum foam.

As for my new art series: In this series I will depict the concept of "butterfly progression" - a (self-) interference pattern of possible antithetic states, so-called "mirror clones" with pseudo-time shifts resulting in the emergence of physical reality by interweaving information, using certain "information weaving patterns", consisting of self-replication, a translation transform in information progression, and self-interference, a rotation transform.

It will make sense of momentum and position and interweave it with relativity - both special as well as general theory- and gravity, you might ask: Gravity is nothing more than an emergent function in dynamical information geometry: Information clustering, primary aspects will include statistical mechanics and thermodynamics, accompanied by some further detours into many obscure subfields of mathematics! (Having fun with mixing uncountable concepts was never more thrilling!)

[art-of-mathematics]

The current featured artworks:

Clash of the worlds - where microscopic probabilism and macroscopic determinism collide

Complexogenesis - the emergence of reality, and the hidden order of chaos

Schrödinger's cat in a klein bottle - entangled in non-linear causal networks - transcendnce of a paradox

Complexomorphosis - shapeshifter of information, and the symphony of dancing patterns

Fio ergo sum

I become, therefore I am.

- how reality created itself through inner polarity, inconsistency and recursion - self-referring recursive self-replication of self-interference patterns (fractal progression as set of information transforms (self-replication, self-interference)) - or, the emergence of reality

I will de-tangle this mess of ideas fufther in the next months.

This will be(come) a book about a self-creating algorithm: the paradox and polarity as driving force(s) of creation.

It relates to some latin brabble I wrote a few weeks ago:

Ex nihilo in abyssum existentiae; per obscuritatem ad illuminationem; per destructionem nihilo ad creationem omnis; creatio diversitatis vitae per re-unitatem fractionis conformitatis

(English translation:) Out of nothing into the abyss of existence; Through obscurity (in)to enlightenment; From the destruction of nothingness to the creation of everything; Creation of the diversity of life by re-union of the shattered fragments of the big whole.

It neatly unites concepts of the four major forms of the disciplines of human perception - art, science, mathematics and philosophy, and it also describes the "Autogenesis of meta-mathematics" and feedback-loops in axiomatic systems [non-linear axiomatic networks / Quantum logic] and meta-mathematics itself. Math as self-similar and self-referent recursive pattern itself. (Fractal progression and information transforms)

Well, it's really tough stuff, I see, all my projects of the last decade start to converge now - the art, the philosophy stuff, my interdisciplinary (hypo) theses - they all fit together in such a neat way.

It is far better than a deterministic clockwork system - that is hyperdeterminism of deterministic chaos!

And I literally triggered chaos to unravel its own secrets, like. The riddle solves itself with this strange process of combinatorial iterative and recursive way of perception and thinking.

This shit is mad as fuck!

[art-of-mathematics]

I finally managed to create a clean digital one of this drawing.

Also: Back in march I scanned/took a photo of the cat part and prepared it for my printer - printed it and added sobe other nice things - like the helix around the klein bottle handle

- this 'time helix stuff' depicts a concept I came up with about an interpretation of spacetime in terms of 'frequentations' (amount of repeat per spacetime-interval, so to speak. (n/Tλ... n can be interpreted as a velocity or c (light speed) or similar stuff)... it can also be interpreted as iterations per spacetime-interval... It's a very interesting conception regarding spacetime distortions...

I am trying to write about this simple and yet elegant concept since more than a year (or such)...

It's a very thrilling endeavour!

there is also some interesting stuff about the lorentz factor in Special Relativity with this conception...

Yet, General Relativity is where the actual fun begins!

...In the end what I try to talk about here is a concept about Quantization of spactime...

... if you wonder where I started to doodle the drawing of schröinger's cat in the klein bottle...

... It was on that non-linear regression visualization.

Just as I indulged in thinking about what this non-linear regression thing might depict in real life (hint: some non-linear causality stuff... so to speak.. errr... primarily conservation of momentum... ) I started to randomly draw a möbius strip.

And then I somewhat imagined a cat in that möbius strip and drew that cat body above the part of the möbius strip. (That's one of the pragmatic reasons why the cat is very dark there. The other reason is for pure aesthetical aspects... )

And then I had a cat floating in a möbius strip.

This led me to adding a klein bottle around the cat-möbius strip bundle.

This is literally recursive mindfucks...

The way this drawing of Schrödingers cat in a klein bottle emerged (process of creating it) is more art than the actual resulting artwork/drawing (the created/creation)

----- --- -- - -

This train of thought partially reminds me of the aphorism:

'The whole is more than the sum of its parts, as it contains both the parts as well as the interaction patterns between the parts.'

[art-of-mathematics]

Schrödinger's cat in a klein bottle also depicts the state of an observer replicating the behavior of its observed entity and applying it to thmself.

Curiosity killed the cat. Using metacognition to unravel the secrets of nature's laws can literally drive insane and offers a high risk of utter self-destruction....

As I am that cat I crawled into the klein bottle - and not into the non-orientable surface in a merely literal interpretation, but in the paradox of self-referent and inconsistent logic.

What I actually depicted was Gödel's Incompleteness applied to the recursive complex system that is reality itself - a threshold where rationality and irrationality become inditinguishable from each other.

That's the original 'space' where my drawing of "Schrödinger's cat" started.

Scanned it (unfortunately bad choice as the scanning quality is far worse than my camera), then deleted the notes with those Fibonacci numbers, rearranged the frame and printed it to add my further ideas with the helix around the "pipe-secion" of the klein bottle via the old school - pencil way.

Also: look at the calm face. Is this how she feels with her existence on the verge of non-existence? Calmfui and peaceful? As Every antithetic state seems to annihilate each other.

Maybe she's just transcended into her higher self as she leaped into her semi-literal out-of-body perspective about herself? Maybe that is what a high degree of self-reference in means of metacognition causes? An altered consciousness. Maybe I just depicted myself with it? Maybe I have put myself in the perfect trance state - literally on a superposed state of existence and non-existence?

It does sound nuts, but in a metaphorical sense this interpretation describes it the very best in a multitude of ways.