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sunlightmurdock · 2 years ago

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The Odyssey | Prologue | Bradley Bradshaw (18+)

Masterlist | Next Chapter

Bradley wakes up in a foul mood, your ego takes a hit. A deal is struck to ensure that you’ll be able to graduate.

warnings: enemies to lovers, power imbalance (professor / student relationship), age gap (22 / 33), will be smut, virgin reader, swearing, infidelity. warnings to be added on a chapter by chapter basis. 18+ minors dni, wc: 3.1k

…

Nine weeks into Spring semester, six to go. Six more weeks of having scalding coffee, missing tastebuds and a fucking freshman girl ranting into his ear all before the clock even hits 8am. Bradley’s sunglasses sit perfectly across the bridge of his nose, gold-framed Ray-Ban caravans that hide how late he was up last night. This means that sweet, little freshman Bettie O’Riley can’t see the look that he’s giving her as she jogs along to keep up with him.

Hallowed halls, filled with young adults that either reek of cheap beer or Daddy’s money, all signs would suggest that Bradley isn’t supposed to be here. Only thirty-three, sitting at that awkward age that makes him neither a frat boy nor a balding tenured ex-businessman turned lecturer. And yet, his brown leather shoes hit these aged floors every morning on the way to his first class of the day.

Beige, almost cream-coloured, wide pleated dress pants and an untucked blue shirt, rolled up at his forearms and missing the top button. His messenger bag draped from his shoulder, his tie balled into the hand holding the to-go double shot espresso.

Six more weeks until he’s in Italy for two months, teaching during the mornings, free as a bird in the evenings. Sun on his face, limoncello on his tongue; good books, women who don’t just giggle and twirl a strand of their hair at him. History. All funded by the Cornell school of Arts and Sciences. He damn near sighs at how badly he wants to be there now.

“Bettie, I already told you,” He sighs, adjusting the gold-framed sunglasses and shooting a look down at her and her wispish black, curled bob. “I can’t curve your grade, it was a C minus.”

She speeds up and steps in front of him, walking backwards now. “Please, Professor Bradshaw. I’ll do anything.”

Professor Bradshaw rarely draws a reaction from him these days. Only his bosses and parents call him that. He makes a point of scrawling it across the chalkboard at the beginning of each semester, but he’s usually still reminding kids a couple of weeks in to just call him Bradley.

Still, both he and Bettie O’Reilly know that it isn’t her method of address that makes him scoff at her. He stops walking and pushes his sunglasses up into the feathery brown curls that adorn his face, staring down at her like she’s even younger than she is. She swallows, regret flooding her. The other professors usually lean into the kind of virginal, good-girl, bad student thing that she’s got going on.

“Bettie,” Bradley speaks slowly for her, pink lips against tanned skin. Warm eyes against a cold stare. The hallways are full around them, standing stationary in the steady stream of students. “Don’t come onto me like that again. Study.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Alright, come to my office tomorrow morning, I’ll give you an extra credit assignment,” It’s more lenient than he should be with a girl who just propositioned him before he has even finished his morning coffee, but Bradley knows not to blame little Bettie. With those thick, rounded glasses and dark freckles, he knows that she gets a lot of attention from her other professors. The culture they’ve created in this school isn’t her fault. Neither is the fact that Bradley’s class is notoriously hard to pass. “We’ll talk through what an A grade paper should be looking like. Do me a favour and don’t talk to me until then.”

He steps around her and continues; she’s swallowed instantly by the sea of bustling students. In the run up to the end of the semester, people start showing up to class again as it hits them that their professors might actually fail them. There aren’t too many F’s floating around in a school like Cornell. Its stats are exceptionally high, especially these past few years. It would seem that, in a school like Cornell, a passing grade quite simply has a price tag on it.

Three minutes before his morning class is due to start, and having woken up on the wrong side of his bed, Bradley drops his sunglasses back down over his eyes as he strolls into the lecture hall. It’s surprisingly full for a Monday morning. The gossiping never stops when he walks in — he’s not that kind of teacher. He allows the whispering to continue while he sets up his supplies.

There are six people in this room that Bradley has not seen since the first week of class. Every single one of them has a parent that is a benefactor to the university. Front and centre, surrounded by a group of excitedly whispering, well-dressed young women, there’s you. He knows you vaguely, knows that you’re coasting on high B’s. He hasn’t seen you since January, you won’t be passing this class.

“God, look at that rock!” The blonde to your side fawns, grabbing at your hand and lifting it up towards the light to get a better look. Setting his sunglasses down on the desk, Bradley looks too. There’s a silver band with a big diamond on it around your ring finger. You’re beaming. Dressed in a white turtleneck and fitted blue jeans, Bradley’s got his assumptions about the family you come from, and the family you’ll be marrying in to.

You’ve been taking his classes for the full three years that he has been teaching here. He knows your boyfriend. Malcolm something something the third. Maybe fourth. His Daddy paid for the science wing refurbishment last year. Bradley remembers the night that your Prince Charming ditched you out in the snow, drunk out of your mind. You probably don’t remember that night.

“Good morning.” His booming voice obliterates the pleasant chatter coming from your friend group. You cross one leg over the other and look downwards at the glimmering rock on your finger.

Six more weeks until you’re out of this hellhole. An apartment in Manhattan all lined up and Mac’s place with his father’s firm long confirmed by now, it’s all coming into place. You’ll have a summer wedding at the end of August, and then you’ll truly begin your life.

“Tell me all about it! Did he get down on one knee?” Veronica nudges her white tennis shoe into yours and leans across to you, tapping her pen against the white-lined page of her notebook. Between the two of you, Catherine readies herself to take down notes that you’ll copy later.

A decent string of A to B grades and a diploma, that was the agreement, and then your life is all yours. That was all your father had held you to. You hadn’t ever promised to do something with the degree he had paid for.

Why would you? — Your mother hadn’t. She had studied literature, made friends for life, and met her husband. Then, she began her life. Having her children, shopping in the afternoon, tennis on the weekends. Bliss.

“Of course he did!” You confirm eagerly, leaning over Catherine to continue the conversation.

The first five minutes of a lecture determines everything. If he loses their focus now, then he might as well leave now and take an especially early lunch. He starts off with a quick reminder of their upcoming exam, and a nod towards last week’s discussion of Roman literature.

His attention is quickly diverted to the excited whispering happening six feet from him, right in the front row. Your friends aren’t bad students. You weren’t ever a bad student. It has just become clear that you were in college to find a husband, and now you’ve found one. Bradley’s eyes narrow in on you and your preppy, little friends, giggling at the front of his class.

Exhausted, overworked and underappreciated, Bradley stares at you calmly. You conversation comes to a slow stop as an awkward air of silence fills the lecture hall. He’s just standing at the front, staring right at you, waiting for you to shut up.

“Sorry, Bradley, somebody just had some exciting news.” Catherine smiles shyly at him. He knows her the best out of the three of you. She TA’d for him last year. Great girl, really bright future — to generous when it comes to grading. It’s because of his respect for her that he doesn’t jump to humiliating you right away.

“I can see that, congratulations,” His tone is dry, broad shoulders squared, his face unamused as he looks to you. You stare back at him calmly, giving a curt nod — less than polite in your mannerisms. “Now, if those of you that still have a chance of passing this class could please turn your attention back to me, we’ll give the blushing bride her moment afterwards.”

He opens the little brown, leather bound book in his hands and clears his throat, assuming that your rude interruptions are done for the day. Somehow, the awkward silence that sits heavy in the room grows to an even deeper low after you retort.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re excused.” Bradley deadpans, bored. You squint at him, six feet between the two of you and a lifetime of differences. Unimpressed by his joke, you roll your eyes right away.

Sitting there, you cross one leg over the other and sit forwards, frowning at him. He doesn’t fit in around here and you do, perhaps that’s where his problem with you stems from. Perhaps it’s the lack of ring on his own finger. “Why would you assume that I wouldn’t pass your class?”

As much as he knows of you, you know of him too — he’s supposedly a jackass. “Because you missed half of the semester. That includes two quizzes and a term paper. There’s no way for you to achieve a salvageable grade in this class.”

When you’re around Malcolm, sometimes he says things that are just so entitled that you’re wincing before he’s even done talking. He can’t help it. He means well. With the amount of time you’ve spent at his family home in the past few weeks, it’s no wonder that words you would normally wince at are spilling from your own lips, “I was planning a wedding, what do you expect from me?”

“Attendance.” Bradley snips. He raises his eyebrows slowly, waiting for you to pack up your pretty, coordinated stationary and walk yourself out of his class.

“But—“

“Goodbye, Mrs. Ashworth. Congratulations again.” Bradley speaks harshly, calling you by a name that isn’t even yours yet like it’s an insult. Like he’s better than you, somehow.

Your pencil slams down onto the half desk in front of you, eyes ablaze. Perhaps the first time you’ve ever been told no. “If you fail me, there will be consequences.”

The silence that fills the classroom this time isn’t awkward. It’s just anticipation, baited breaths, waiting for Bradley to lose his temper. He walks a few paces closer, close enough to smell the cherry scented perfume on each of your pulse points.

His eyes darken as he dips his head just slightly, meeting your gaze. “You’ve got me shaking in my boots, honey. Now, stop wasting my time and get the fuck out of my class.”

There are certain lines that a professor does not cross when working at an Ivy League. Swearing at the daughter of someone with more lawyers than Bradley has living family members, was not his brightest idea. Still, your father is an amicable man — he keeps on saying that — and he wants to work this out. Bradley gets to keep his job, you get to graduate. Everybody wins.

“Classics majors work closely with individual professors in their areas of expertise, often in small classes, and have many opportunities for independent research and travel,” Doctor Kazansky’s voice is calm, teetering on the edge of cold. It’s growing increasingly difficult these days to put up with snotty parents and their snottier children. “I’m sure you understand why attendance would play such a strong part in succeeding in such a major.”

Bradley braces himself against the radiator, glancing down at the watch on his wrist. Real Italian leather that a girl’s grandfather had made for him a few years back. He’s missing happy hour for this circus.

“Of course I understand, Doctor Kazansky,” Your father might as well be a parrot for how well he has learned to mimic tone. You cross your legs at his side and sit up a little straighter. The way you tense up at his voice is so routine, it’s almost Pavlovian. Bradley watches wordlessly. “Just like I’m sure that you understand that in this university’s hundred year history, it has never failed a member of my family and my daughter will not be the one to tarnish our impeccable reputation here.”

You glance up quickly, catching the look on Bradley’s face. He squints disapprovingly at your Charles Dickens villain of a father.

“What can she do to bring her grade up?”

Now that, admittedly, does come as a surprise. This isn’t the first meeting that Bradley has been called into where someone’s parent demands a better grade. It is the first where he hasn’t seen them resort to bribery before they finally blame their kid.

“She missed over half the semester,” Bradley answers perhaps too quickly, still hot from the way you had spoken to him earlier. He gives a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders and looks at your father rather than you. “Two quizzes and a term paper. Even if I gave her extra credit, she couldn’t pull her average above a D.”

Your father’s face doesn’t react at all to this information. Instead, he turns his attention back to the Dean and rests his hands on the armrests of the chair, slowly raising his eyebrows.

“What about the Italy trip?” Doctor Kazansky looks to Bradley, sitting back in his chair. Bradley stares blankly back at him. “There were two empty spaces from what I remember. Is that correct?”

“For research assistants,” Bradley’s tongue drips venom, his brown eyes dark and his arms folded across his chest. You narrow your eyes at him, knowing that an insult is coming next. “She can’t research what she doesn’t even understand.”

“But, if she were to complete extra credit for the rest of the semester and then accompany you for your research, she would have enough credits to pass your class and then graduate.” Doctor Kazansky explains, more for your father’s benefit than Bradley’s. Bradley already knows this.

He grits his teeth, eyes darting across to you. His only solace is that you look just as dismayed about the proposal as he does.

“I’d graduate late.” You point out.

“Better than not at all,” Your father intercepts, pushing his chair back and standing. He carries himself like a man much taller than he really is. “Thank you, Doctor Kazansky. We’ll be in touch about this research opportunity.”

“You can’t just choose to do it, there’s an application process.” Bradley’s tone is far from professional, it’s downright snarky by this point. He doesn’t care. He can’t imagine anything worse than lugging a brat like you around Italy with him for two months, just for you to fail anyway.

You stand to follow your father, ditsy white loafers on the dark oak of Doctor Kazansky’s office floor. Bradley remains where he is, leaning back against that wall with his arms crossed.

Your father smiles across at Bradley and then shoots a look back towards the Dean. It’s smug, knowing. That process doesn’t apply to him. “We’ll be in touch.”

There’s a final look shared between you and the oaf that just cost you your summer in Manhattan — the first time that the two of you have agreed on anything, a silent exchange. Neither one of you wants you to join him on that trip.

He watches you leave, following blindly after your father like a child, then whips his head around to his boss.

“It’ll be good for her, maybe you can actually teach her something.”

“My expertise unfortunately lacks when it comes to setting the table by seven sharp and getting the kids to bed before her husband makes it home.” Bradley scoffs, pushing himself away from the wall and shaking his head as he straightens up.

“Is there something offensive to you about a woman being a homemaker, Professor Bradshaw?” Thomas Kazansky has two daughters. One, is a wife with two beautiful children of her own. The other, is a doctor. Bradley’s been over to their house a few times and he knows that Tom makes a point of it to be equally proud of them both.

“Oh, give me a break,” Bradley rolls his eyes at the notion, despite the subtle truth it holds. He shakes his head. “She deserves to fail and you know it.”

“Well, we’ll see how she does at the end of summer. I’ll be the first to admit my defeat, if she fails.” Tom gives a small smile and a shrug of his shoulders, always too calm for his own hood these days. Apparently he has mellowed with time, Bradley hears that he used to have quite an attitude in his early career.

Pressing his tongue to the inside of his cheek, the younger professor tries to stare his boss down. Tom knows how much these trips mean to Bradley, he takes his work so seriously. Still, Tom just stares back at him, calm.

Squinting, it takes a few moments for Bradley to give up. He turns and growls in frustration, letting the door to Doctor Kazansky’s office slam behind him. His shoes echo through the halls as he storms out of the building and across the quad. Not even Bettie O’Reilly would dare to interrupt his when his face looks as stormy as it does now.

He shrugs his bag off of his shoulder and throws it into the back of the bronco, then shoves his hands into his pockets in search of his keys.

“Do you even understand how hard I have worked for you to have the opportunities that you have had?”

Bradley glances up. He isn’t surprised to find that you’re the one being yelled at. He almost snorts — good, it’s about time someone reigned in that attitude of yours.

You stand, tearful, at the side of your father’s expensive Porsche, your head bowed in shame. Bradley unlocks his truck and pulls himself into the driver’s seat. He figures you probably cry a lot when someone’s telling you no.

“I mean it! — If you ruin this opportunity, don’t even think about coming back. Hopefully Malcolm’s family like you, because they’ll be all that you’ve got, I swear.”

Bradley turns his head slowly. Swallowing to keep from sobbing in the parking lot, shame burns through you as you meet his gaze. Your father towers over you, demanding to know if you’re even listening to him.

Bradley turns the engine on, his brown eyes looking decidedly less scary when he isn’t glaring at you. There’s something else. Maybe it’s pity — you aren’t used to that. He turns his head away and reverses out of the spot.

…

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#bradley bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw #miles teller #bradley bradshaw smut #rooster x you #rooster bradshaw imagine #top gun smut #bradley bradshaw au #bradley bradshaw x reader

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orange-demons-deactivated2024 · 5 months ago

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2 year 'Hiatus'

(long post/rambling)

Hello everyone! The day's finally come for me to start my 2-year hiatus.

I'll be starting school tomorrow, July 1st, from 8am - 5pm Mon-Fri. (Full time). So there won't be many opportunities for me to keep constantly posting here all the time.

I want to personally thank you all for welcoming me into the Street Fighter fandom and for taking the time out of your day to interact with my blog.

I never thought I would become a fanfic writer again after so many years of not writing and to meet so many of you throughout my stay here.

With my first fic, Mount, I was nervous about people not caring about it and for it to be lost in the Street Fighter algorithm because I joined the fandom so late. (March 2024). And originally, I planned to make that my only fanfic and call it a day. But after I got my first comment I was over the moon.

Then slowly I had people liking and following this side blog where I dumped all my random reblogs on. And that's when I realized, there were people still out there loving these characters as much as I did despite the slow traction on the street fighter dash.

So that's when I decided to make this random side blog into a SF6 fanfic blog.

I started to write strictly Bosch x Reader's in the beginning because he was the reason why I joined this space in the first place. Then I wrote for Luke, then Poison, then Ed, then Jamie, then at last Chun-Li. I learned to love characters that I first didn't give a second thought about and I learned more info. about some SF characters I wasn't aware of before.

Then my blog went from 0 followers to 38! Holy smokes, 38 people really cared enough to follow and read my ramblings? That's crazy. I never even expected to have 1 follower much less 38.

My favorite part about writing for this fandom was interacting with everyone in the comment section/reblogs. I enjoy talking to you all and writing silly blurbs whenever we get too into the hcs. Really, it makes my day better when I see people commenting and giving love to my works.

And to be 100% honest with you all, I was originally going to start including a lot more X Fem!Reader Inserts because I am a Cis Woman who never wrote for any other genders but Fem! ones. But seeing how little fanfics there were, I thought it would be unfair for me to exclude the other side of the SF6 fandom that wouldn't be able to enjoy any reader inserts because of their gender.

So I'm glad I didn't go that route because I got to find ways to be more inclusive in my writings without mentioning the reader's Skin/Gender/Appearance in any of them and to keep them gender-neutral.

And as a reminder, this blog is the first time for me to write this way, so if you guys think that some of my works sound Fem! based please tell me so I could fix it. Because the last thing I want is for people to tell me I'm more biased for my female audience.

I don't know If you guys knew this, but it kinda broke my heart when I found out I was accepted to this school. Granted, I've been trying to get in for 4 years.

But I honestly didn't think I would've gotten in this year because I thought I bombed my 5-panel interview with the school and they only accepted the top 25 people in my area.

I even started to make plans to work a full-time job somewhere else, take Muay Thai classes, write more fics, and give up on my dreams of ever becoming an X-ray tech. But then I got a phone call on my birthday saying I made it in!

I was overwhelmed with happiness for all my efforts getting into this school after so long. I felt like I was running behind all my peers who already graduated and got their careers started compared to me. But now I get to finally start mine and do what I've always wanted to do and to help people.

Then, I was hit with a wave of sadness because I barely dipped my toes into the Street Fighter fandom and now I'm already leaving. All my ideas for future fics, including the ones rotting in my drafts, may never see the light of day. I was really sad for everything to come to an abrupt end for something that barely even started.

What's going to happen to this blog?

To be frank with you all, I still REALLY want to post SF fics but I know that it probably won't be possible with my schedule for the next 2 years.

I do get a 1-2 week break every 3 months for my school so y'all might see something pop up in the SF6 feed every once in a while. I’ll mostly be writing on my terms and I won’t be answering anyone’s asks. But it's not guaranteed you will.

Plus, I bought the game, so it's not like I'm just gonna drop SF6 out of my life completely. I'll post things here and there that are not fics and maybe tiny drabbles in my free time but it's still up in the air if I will. You'll see me being active on here but not in the same way that you usually do.

Now that I'm transitioning to going to school full-time, I'm nervous about what's to come out of everything, since I've been looking forward to this day since I graduated high school.

I also want to thank you all for sending your requests in. They helped me learn where my writing was strongest and where I needed to improve.

I tried to get through all of your asks as best as I could but I believe there are 2 left in my inbox as of now. I’m sorry I wasn’t the best at being consistent and I hope to get those out as soon as I can.

Thank you all again, for making my time here memorable and I hope to keep posting more SF6 content in the future.

And please continue to support other fanfic writers in the Street Fighter fandom like:

@ruthlesscore

@chqolan

@randobisexual

@luvlyycy

@cosmichorrorsarestillnicerthanme

@scarletcoral13

@rosewood-writes-and-reviews

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maethegay · 5 months ago

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Make up

A/n: I am no good at skincare, make up or fashion but I tried gang please forgive also this is way longer than I thought it was gonna be oops.

I grew up with two parents in the army and my two older brothers. We moved around a lot I never really made friends moving every few months or even years made it hard.

I was also incredibly socially awkward so that didn’t help when it came to making friends. I had my brothers and basketball to me that was enough.

I was six when my dad got me my first basketball. He taught me a few things and I became obsessed. Every day after school I’d go to the court near my house and spend hours dribbling and shooting. Some times my brothers came but they had their own things.

Caleb my oldest brother made friends super easy he always managed to have a group of people around him. And Adam my younger brother liked soccer. He tried to teach me to play but it was not for me.

Anyway due to the fact I struggled to make friends and the only people I talked to where my parents and brothers I never learned how to do anything with make up or fashion.

Not that I didn’t try. Whenever I did I ended up looking like a little boy. I did prefer a more masculine dress but I could never find an outfit that fit me. I am ashamed to admit but I do have more than one Nike tech outfit in my closet.

When Geno recruited me from UConn it was like a dream. I first got to the team and I was so awkward but Nika helped. She sat down right next to me and started talking.

She was my first friend and she helped me make friends on the team. And in class and on campus.

Now I was in my last year of college. Me and Nika had been dating for over two years and I had more friends than I thought possible.

My head rested on her chest, her hand gently tangling through my hair. My hand rested on her stomach drawing shapes against her soft skin.

Everything was perfect except one thing. I never really felt pretty. I wanted to do make up and dress how I would think looks good. But whenever I try I just get turned around and confused.

Nika was good at fashion and makeup she always looked good. I had thought about asking her so many times to help me. But it was something I never really knew how to bring up.

Another part of me never bringing it up was pressure from past relationships. When I had tried to do this stuff with past relationships and I had been told no cause ‘Mascs shouldn’t care about that stuff’.

Obviously now being with Nika I know those relationships were toxic but I still couldn’t get rid of the thoughts.But Nika was different I knew she wouldn’t get upset.

“Ni?” I murmur pulling away slightly to look at her. She smiled softly and brushed my hair from my face. “Can you help me with like fashion and stuff. I know I don’t really act like I care but I wanna feel pretty sometimes to ya know.”

Nika gave me a giddy smile cupping my face in her hand. She had asked to do my makeup and skincare before but as you know internalized hate from my exs made me to scared.

“Of course. Tomorrow 8am I’m taking you on a shopping spree and for tonight baby we’re doing skincare.”

I smiled and took her hand dragging her to the bathroom. I jumped up onto the counter and looked at her as she grabbed a bunch of stuff and put it on the counter.

“Frog head band or shark,” she said showing me two fluffy head bands.

“Shark obviously.” I say snatching the head band from her left hand. She smiled and put on the other.

“Now this is definitely not something to do every night. But it is fun once every now and then.” I nod an watch her grab the first bottle turn out this first bottle was like one of a million things we would be doing.

After like 7 other steps she put a face mask on me. I made the horrible mistake of licking my lips.

“Ew Nika this tastes horrible.” I say as I spit in the sink which did not make the horrible soapy taste leave my mouth. Nika laughed and kissed my lips.

“You’re not supposed to get in your mouth.” She laughed and she pulled off the mask. She used a washcloth and rubbed of the extra residue.

There were a few more steps and I was practically falling asleep by the time Nika was done. I smiled leaning my head against her shoulder. I still sat on the counter, Nikas hand scratched my back and she kissed my head.

“Come on baby. Big day tomorrow.” She said, her hands slid under my thighs and lifted me off the counter. I wrapped my arms around her neck.

Nika always made me feel safe and comfortable. She helped me break down my shell and let me feel like I could be well a girl.

She carried me over to the bed and laid me down pressing a kiss to my forehead.

“I love you Nika,” I mumble as I close my eyes pulling our blanket up to cover my face.

“I love you too. I’m glad you feel safe with me.” She said laying behind me. Her hand grabbed my hip and pulled me into her my back colliding with her front.

“Mhm,” I mumble as Nika’s hands dipped under my shirt to trace more shapes on my torso. It’s something she had always done and something I had always loved.

I woke up before Nika she slept comfortably I smiled and pulled her close to me. I held her close to me. My hand gently scratching her back.

I leaned back and looked at the clock it was only 6:30 and I decided I’d let her sleep in awhile longer. I was comfortable and the feeling of the brunette’s body against mine was perfect.

I still struggled to believe she was mine. The Croatian who laid in front of me was simply unfathomable to my mind.

She was actual perfection. She was beautiful, her silky brown hair and big brown doe eyes. She was hilarious without even trying. She so was determined I’ve never seen someone work so hard.

I heard a whine come softly from her mouth, that was how I knew she was walking up. I kissed her head and looked down her big eyes looking at me.

Nika was not a morning person she whines and shut her eyes slamming her head into my chest. I laughed tangling my hand in her hair holding her head against my chest.

“We gotta go shopping baby. Pretty me up and shit,” I whisper, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. She looked up and me glaring slightly.

“You’re already pretty. You just dress like a 10 year old boy.” She said her voice strong with her accent. I smiled and laughed with her. “I’m going to call my parents and then love we’re going shopping.”

“Ok baby,” I say leaning back in the pillows as Nika got up and walked to the bathroom. She always got ready while she talked to her parents.

I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, eventually I fell back asleep. I didn’t even know until I heard Nika laughing her ass off. I peeled my eyes opened and glared at her.

“What is so funny,” I said my voice cracking since I had just woke up again. She laughed and turned her phone to me.

It was a picture of me. Not only was I knocked out asleep, but my mouth was wide open and had hair all over the place.

“Nika Muhl you better delete that,” I say reaching for her phone she turned away pulling it to her chest.

“But you’re so cute,” she said sticking out her bottom lip in a pout. She leans down and kisses my lips.

“You better not show no one that,” I mutter as I stumble to the bathroom. I promptly get ready, brushing my hair and teeth and pulling on some baggy jeans and a white tee. “I’m ready to go shopping,” I say jumping out of the bathroom and looking at Nika who laid on our now made bed.

She looked up from her phone and smiled at me. I walked over and leaned slightly forward again for bed frame.

“I’m so excited. And I ordered Starbucks for while we shop so we need to pick it up.” She tells me grabbing her purse from the night stand. I push myself up and take her hand in mine

We had decided to take Nika’s car since it was better on gas and much smaller than my truck so leaving after shopping at that mall which would be almost certainly packed since it was Saturday would be easier.

I insisted on driving even though she had volunteered. Nika wants to drive most of the time and I’m not complaining but I felt useless if I didn’t. She was planning the whole day to help me the least I could do was drive.

We made a quick stop at the Starbucks just off campus and I ran inside to grab me and Nika’s drinks. She got a matcha of some sort and she had order my favorite drink for me.

The drive to the mall we had decided to go to, well Nika decided we go to was about an hour away from campus. Hence us waking up early to go. We left around 9 so we’d get there just as the shops open.

I’m not one for crowds so going when it’s first opening when there are less people is for the better.

The whole drive Nika’s hand rested on my thigh. We talked now and again about school, and she told me how her family was doing back in Croatian. We spoke about my oldest brothers wedding which was coming up in about 2 months and how we still needed to get Nika a dress.

We reached the mall, the parking lot was slowly filling up but not full enough to where we couldn’t find a spot.

“Where to first?” I ask, usually I only went to a store or two. Most of what I wore was the same plain shirt is 2 dozen colors, sweat pants and jeans.

“Well I made a pin board while we drove. It’s just some things I think look good and we could see what you like or don’t like.” She leaned over showing me her phone which somehow had 100 pins.

I nodded and told her which things I liked and didn’t like. I didn’t care for the shoulderless shirts, or the random flannels or extra unbuttoned shirts that were different color.

Nika didn’t seem offended when I said things she just nodded, removed the pin and moved on asking if I liked the next outfit.

I found I liked the baggier pants, and jorts especially with baggy shirts. Which I also helped me find I liked graphic tees and when they had long sleeves under.

Nika told me I liked streetwise aesthetic which i didn’t really get but I nodded along anyway.

Nika lead me into like 7 different stores where I managed to try on 20 different things every time. I didn’t like everything some shirts were to boxy and some of the pants drooped to low for my liking.

There were some things I loved though and after the first few stores of the day my arms were full of bags.

I was happy but damn was I tired. I flopped down on a bench and rested my head on Nika’s stomach as she stood in front of me. She laughed and ran her hand up and down my back.

“How are you feeling,” she asked as I looked up at her.

“Girl I am so tired,” I groan “How do people do this for fun?” I ask leaning my head back. A laugh fell from Nika’s lips.

I loved when she laughed. Sometimes I just talked about dumb stuff because I knew Nika would laugh. It was so perfect every time. I think it was one of the first things I fell in love with about her.

“Admit it you were having funny when you were trying things on.” She said as she set a few of my bags down on the ground next to us. I smiled and looked back at her.

“Yeah I guess it was kinda fun playing dress up.” I smile and kiss her temple. “Where to next?” I ask picking up the bags.

“Let’s go drop these off at the car. And the take a quick trip to Sephora and maybe Ulta.” she said, I nodded and followed behind her to the car. We loaded everything in the trunk and a few bags in the back seat.

Nika took my hand and lead me into the store. This was what I was most nervous about. At least I kinda understood clothes makeup did not make sense. Sure I have watched Nika do her make up hundreds of times but none of it made sense.

“I don’t think we’re gonna get foundation I know you don’t like having to much on your face.” She said as she pulled me towards the concealer.

“You’re right. I would feel like I’m wearing face paint all the time.” I agree as I follow behind her. Her eyes looked between the seemingly dozens of different concealers.

She would look at me and the back and the concealer. She would grab one then look at me again and grab another one. She had about six different shades after a few minutes. If you asked me it was excessive but than again I’m not a makeup person.

“Give me your wrist.” Nika said with an outstretched hand. I reached out my arm so she could test the concealer. She did a swatch and then would tell me about how it was too orange or too light.

To be honest I zoned out and just thought about how cute her voice was and how concentrated she looked as she compared the different colors to my skin. God she’s cute.

“I think this one will be good. Don’t you love?” She said pointing to the fifth swatch on my arm. I looked down and sure enough it blended into my skin quite well.

“Oh that’s nice.” My eyes trailed the rest of my arm “I kinda look like a zebra.” I say twisting my arm in the light, she laughs softly and puts the concealers away minus the one I was getting of course.

“Let’s get some blush, mascara, eyelash curler, eye brow gel and a brush. And ooo primer. We can just get you the kind I like. And then you already have a collection of summer Fridays so we’re good there.”

90% of what Nika has just said didn’t make sense to me. Summer Fridays did though. For some reason I tried Nika’s one time and fell in love with it. I had every flavor minus the mint one. I don’t like mint.

We bought the rest of the stuff and holy shit was make up expensive. Nika also explained to me I can’t just get make up wipes I should use micellar water so make up doesn’t get in my pores.

We drove home. Nika drove this time while I slept in the passenger seat for some reason I could play an entire basketball game running up and down the court but shopping wore me out like a bitch.

Eventually we got home and I ended up sitting on the counter again Nika standing between my legs.

“Can’t we do this tomorrow?” I groan laying my head on her shoulder. It was 4pm there was really no point of putting on makeup. She smiled and wrapped her arms around me.

“I suppose so… but make up is so fun. Trust me baby.” I nod and think it over for a moment.

“Alright. Pretty me up pretty girl.” I say leaning back and resting on my hands.

“Ok this is primer. It makes it easy for makeup to be applied basically.” She says, as she puts a few drops on my face. She gently rubs it into my face.

“It feels sticky,” I murmur.

“Then concealer. You put this over discoloration eye bags really anything you want to cover up. Here.” She hands it to me and i but small swatch’s under my eyes and a a few other places.

Nika takes one of the brushes we bought and blended in into my skin, blush filler next, then she did my eyes brows an eye lashes.

Fun fact you’re not supposed to close your eyes when you curl your eye lashes. The more you know know I guess.

I hoped off the counter and looked in the mirror. I smiled, I felt pretty. Nikas stood behind me arms wrapped around my waist her head resting on my shoulder.

“You look beautiful my love. Not because of the make up, there’s just this energy radiating off of you.” She says as she kisses my cheek.

“Thank you Nika. For everything.”

#inês bettencourt #nika muhl #kk arnold #paige bueckers #nika mühl #nikamuhlfanfic

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chansbabygirlsstuff · 7 months ago

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Just a bet chapter 6

Hi lovelies here is chapter 6 I hope you enjoy it! please comment like and remind me if you want to be on the tag list

Warnings: abuse, angst and fluff

Words:1.6k

Saturday September 22nd 8am

I get woken by loud banging at my door as I try to open my eyes as I still feel tired

"WAKE UP YOU LITTLE BITCH! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL NIGHT HUH?" he storms into my room as I forget to lock the door last night. My father throws my things from my desk

"I DIDN'T GET MY DINNER YESTERDAY BECAUSE YOUR WHORING ASS WENT PARTYING LAST NIGHT" he continues screaming and throwing my stuff to the floor, he gets near me and I get up and step backward, but the next thing I see is his fist directly to my face

Sunday September 23rd 4pm

I am currently putting ice on my eye because it is all blue and purple, and I am looking for the biggest sunglasses I own to put on for tomorrow at school, the worst thing is that I have a meeting for the group project, and I can't apply makeup because it hurts so much

Since my mom died my father blamed me for it, he has been physically and verbally abusive to me, and yes I did try to call the police but my father is a psycho and made them believe everything was fine. and that was when I was 14, I wanted to get out of there but my job didn't allow me to get out of my abusive house.

As I try to study for tomorrow's test I feel sleepy, I haven't been able to sleep well because of the pain, So I get some painkillers to kill the pain for now

Monday September 24th 7am

I get ready to leave school leave him some breakfast ready eat some myself and go to the bus stop, my eyes are hurting and these big glasses don't let me see correctly.

Lucky for my sister, she doesn't live with us anymore, I asked her before to let me live with her, but her boyfriend doesn't let her, so at the end of the day I am alone, and nobody cares about my situation.

I get to the bus station just in time to get in it and drive away to school.

I walk inside the school and take the fucking stairs that leave me without a fucking lung, my backpack hanging on my shoulders and Chan's cleans clothes in a nice paper bag, I pull my hoodie up my head to hide my face from people seeing me.

I get to my class and see Yuna on her phone and Lia trying to talk to her, I smile and pass through them and get to my spot at the back of the class, and take my phone out.

"yeah but you know you are too good for her bae" I hear a female voice, loud and annoying, I lift my head to look at this girl who is following Chan to his seat that was 2 tables away from me just to sit at his table at the moment he bent to take out his things for class "oh," he said surprised by her right in front of him, he smiles and says " excuse me Aein," he said nicely to her

"but I want to sit here with you," she said spreading her legs in front of him, tilting her face sideways trying to be 'cute' "Sure you can sit here" he smiled grabbing his stuff, and moved to the table next to me, I smile in a laughing way by his action and look back down to my phone

He smiled back at the girl and started to organize his stuff, "hey" he talked to me, "hey" I answered without looking at him trying to hide my face from him.

"she gets annoying sometimes," he tells me about the girl rolling his eyes about the situation," you got her deprived man," I said chucking as he laughed "Guess she didn't get enough last time" he chuckles leaning back to the chair and I smile, still having my head staring at my phone.

"what's with the glasses?" he asked changing the awkward convo we had, "I didn't have much sleep last night so I have huge under bags" I fixed the top of my hoodie covering more of my face

"huh, what kept you sleepless last night? or should I say who?" he smirks teasing me about things that I know didn't happen, he laughs when I sucked my teeth at him and smile/laughed at his teasing

"no man, I just had a lot of back pain and I couldn't lie down because of it" I rest my head on my hand resting over the desk putting my face close to my phone and distracting him from looking at it "Yeah right" he smirks so I flip him off laying my head on the desk.

"you free tonight?" he asks me and I move my head lazily looking at him, acting cool while my stomach gives flips

"ye- no..." remembering my eye "What? yes or no?"

"no...sorry" I said feeling disappointed

"How about tomorrow?" he asked me hopeful for my answer

"mm... I don't know," I said thinking when my eye could feel better and not use

"Why?" he asked curiously "I've been a bit sick lately so I don't know when I'm going to feel better" I lie

"Here you go" he hands me his phone with the phone pad ready "Type in your number so I can know how you feel during the week. he smiles sweetly and I grab his phone trying my best to hide my smile

"Here you go" I give it back to him and receive a little thanks from him but the bell rings so we pay attention to the class

time skip

I was sitting with Lia, Yuna, Mina, and Tzuyu still covering my eyes with my glasses and keeping my hoodie on

"what's up with the glasses," Mina says "Oh... is cz I got an infection in my eye so it bit red" I lie...again giving an excuse to keep this from embarrassing me

"oh, well I hope you get better," Yuna says, and they all nod

Mina gasped and said, "Did you guys hear what happened in 3rd period yesterday?"

"No, what happened?" Lia says waiting for the tea Mina is about to give us

"Chaeyoung saw Chan and Sana coming out of the boys' changing room at the soccer field," she said nodding her head, dramatically telling us the story

"Really? Is that why she came back with bruises on her neck?" Tzuyu said

"My omg they were hickeys?" all the girls gasp

"no way! are they back together?" Yuna asks "What do you mean back together?" I ask confused "You didn't know girl? Sana dated Chan for about 2 years," Lia says

"Yeah there was even a rumor she was pregnant," they say while I stay in shock "But... how didn't I know?" I said calculating all the years I've been here and not noticing something like that

"Well they kept it a secret all that time, don't ask me why," Mins says

"She told us once near the lockers and some other chick heard and started making rumors saying she was pregnant" They all gasped "I do remember that"

your shocked look made everyone laugh, "you did know Chan is just a huge playboy right?" Mina said "Yeah girl I've seen him spend more time with you each day, just be careful and don't let your heart betray you, I mean if you want to have your fun with him go ahead but don't think he has a crush on you or something" Yuna warns me about him

I feel...jealous. uncomfortable with the news? why tho?

we finish out part of the project for the day I pack my stuff and get ready to head home before my father does, I walk through the corridors when I felt an arm around me "Hey miss gurl" he slurs the l "What do you want Hyun-jin" I ask again in a bad mood "you can't believe the tea I have, I dared Lee Know to sleep with Aerin the tall cheerleader, yk?" he looks at me with his arm still hooked on my neck and I nod "but when they were in the middle of taking his clothes off can you imagine Aerin had a dick" he laughs "I made poor minho go through all that just to find out he was a boy " I looked shocked at him as I didn't expect him to be a boy "but did they fuck?" I ask

"well he told me he didn't mind and fucked her," he says dramatically "i swear Min-ho is the freakiest of all of us" he shakes his head in disbelief " I mean there is nothing wrong with that but just imagine the surprise, but the thing is he took the opportunity with both hands...literally" he burst out laughing not getting over the fact he fucked a man

"but you know I've always seen Lee Know flirt with men, but it just took me by surprise," he says and I giggle

"Are you talking our shit with her?" Chan catches up with our pace "Yes and you can't tell me shit" Hyunjin continues walking with his arm around me

"but yeah that was my weekly dose of tea for you little girl, I will tell you some more next week," he says all of us are still walking and talking about something else but I still can't get myself to look at Chan feeling guilty of my delusions I had of him

"hey, Jinnie can I take her away from you for a minute?" Chan asks in the middle of a conversation

"sure dude, bye cakes bye Chan see you all soon, oh! And have fun" he winks and salutes us before turning around and leaving us alone calling my nickname from elementary teasing me knowing I hate that nickname

"Are you avoiding me?"

hey guys I hope you enjoy this please comment and like remember requests are open and also the taglist is open so please tell me if you want to be added, love you all!

taglist: @strayywayy @stayceebs97 @foivestarrsketchez @salfetkablog

#bang chan imagines #bang chan fluff #bang chan angst #skz #skz x reader #hwang hyunjin #lee felix #lee know #i.n skz #skz angst #i.n stray kids #i. ｢ ooc. ｣#i.n #wow

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elizainjapan · 1 year ago

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June 1st- Rice Farming and Free Day

Today was super informative, and while I didn’t think I would enjoy walking through the mud in socks for an hour, it turned out to be pretty fun. My day started off early with another quiz. I had done the readings the night before, but it was still a jump scare because we had to be on the bus by 8am. I had to skip breakfast again to take it. Once we were on the bus, Nico entertained us with some improv stand-up for the better half of an hour. He killed it, and I’m sure he’s the most extroverted person that I’ve ever met. The rice fields were beautiful too, I didn’t expect there to be so many flowers around. Once we made it to the fields, I was pretty nervous about steeping bare socks in mud, but it ended up feelings kinda nice. In the end, I feel like I planted a good half of a row. I’m sure it will be uprooted immediate yo the done correctly but the sentiment was definitely there. Unfortunately, we ran out of rice plants faster than expected, so we had a good hour and a half to kill before we could take the bus back. I hung out with Sam, Aulora, Nico, Raj, and Vishnu for most of it. We played one game of hide and seek before realizing that was a really stupid idea. It was at this point that my head started to really hurt, and I could feel myself getting tired again. Once we got back on the bus, I could’ve immediately fallen asleep, but I tried to push through. I got home and showered before taking the train (by myself!!!!!) to Shibuya! I was so impressed with myself, and I finally felt like I was in a big city. I met up with some family for drinks there and it was very cute. I was debating staying out in Shibuya until some other classmates got there for dinner at 6, but my head was hurting so badly that I was starting to see black on the side of my vision. On the train home, I got a little misty eyed thinking about how I’m really here. It doesn’t seem real at all. I really appreciated the alone time on the train. This euphoria didn’t last too long though, because as soon as I got home, I knocked out. I woke up about 4 hours later with my head still pounding. I’ll probably run and get Advil when I finish this post. Anyways, that was my day! I’m excited for my free day tomorrow.

Academic Reflection-

There were multiple times today when I noticed similarities between the readings and our activity. I have a personal interest in agriculture because I’m doing research on the effects of pesticides in Florida’s agricultural hub, particularly related to birth defects. In the second reading by Jones and Kimura, they briefly mentioned the small-farm pesticide issue that Japan’s industry faces. I am also very interested in policy, so that entire reading was very prevalent to me. The first correlation I found today was when we got off the bus to see full-on suburbia. In Florida, there is no way you would ever find a tomato farm surrounded by hundreds of houses and apartments. The readings mentioned that Japan has hundreds of these tiny farms that consist of part-time workers, but I didn’t understand how small these areas were until I was there. I could see the issue in lack of industrial tools on such small farms (even though I know that this specific rice field we went to was for visitors and educational services).

The second correlation I found with the readings was in the working population. While there were many school children visiting for field trips, the actual farmers were super old! The man who brought a wheelbarrow of plants for us to sow was at least 70, which is absolutely insane. I could not imagine my grandfather even lifting a wheelbarrow, much less planting rice for hours a day. I could understand why the sons of these family farms decide to leave for the city, but the effect that has on the working class is very unique to Japan. In my research on Florida, the average age of migrant workers is about 40. The fact that the majority of Japanese farmers are over 70 is insane.

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awrldalone · 2 years ago

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9th January 2022, 4.17pm

The year starts today for me. I said so before it begun for everybody else, it was not a last minute decision to extend the old year. If anything, I decided to skip a few songs, press forward for a few days. I did some things, which I will eventually talk about, one of these days, but I have to admit that unraveling this ball of yarn all at once and knitting it into a piece of writing is hard. There are too many knots and I am not an expert knitter. I barely own a metal hook, and even then, I left it at my place in Maastricht, and I am not there yet.

And so 2023 starts today. I have some goals, like usual, and from here I can only go up. A few days ago I was telling M. that mentally I am in a similar position to early and mid 2021, when I was at my worst. Except this time I hold the torch of memory and I am trying to do better, even though I feel just as lost in this darkness. Light is of little use in pitch black nothingness. Yesterday night I cut for the first time in four months. I did not bleed as much as I expected, or would have liked, I think my legs were not fully healed yet, and today I felt them weak while waiting in line to board the plane. I will not do it again. If not for myself, for the fact that cuts are not nice to see, no one likes a wounded dog, and even when hunting one always tries to hit the rabbit in the eye to kill it, not in the tender meat.

And so 2023 starts today, at the bottom of everything but so high up in the air.

I realized I need to be busier, more mechanical, with less time, because forcing myself to have a routine will perhaps make existing easier.

Tomorrow I will wake up at six, and my morning will look like this:

6AM — The alarm on my phone will ring. I will leave my phone to charge not next to my bed, but underneath it, because I find that the hardest part about waking up is not opening the eyes but getting out of bed, and given that my bed is situated on top of my desk, like a bunk bed for one, I need to force myself to climb down the stairs.

until 7AM — I will jump the rope a thousand times. I bought a new one with my sister. It’s light and thin, when it hits your leg it hurts like a bitch. I like that I can swing it very fast and make it go around my body two or three times in a single jump. I will also do one hundred push ups. I can do twenty five in a row, for four times. I can also do fifty, twice, but I tend to move sloppily down the end, so I would rather stop earlier and push my body up properly. All of this will not take me an hour, but half an hour at most. For the remaining time, I will wash myself up, dry my hair, put on clothes.

8AM — This year, like every year, I want to read one hundred books. In 2022 I read ninety-something, but this time I will reach my goal, mostly because reading is one of the reason I have not fully given up on life yet. I tend not to escape in books, but I do like learning. Ever since high-school ended, I do not study fifteen things at once, and I miss the variety. Obviously, I still love fiction, up until a few moments ago I was reading Life For Sale by Yukio Mishima. The point of all of this is I want to read for an hour. It’s something I like, something that makes me somewhat happy, and something that will make me feel richer. One of the goals of this year is to become rich with knowledge and experience.

Then the day can start at nine. If needed, I will have to sacrifice the reading, or delay it until the night time, but for this month it should not be a problem, as all my classes start late, between eleven and one p.m.

At night, I also want to reserve some time to specific activities.

8PM — A whole hour to cook and eat. I like spending time with V., and usually when we dine together we end up talking until late, so I will be more lenient with what I do at night than what I do in the morning.

9PM — Poetry. Stories. Essays. Maybe even a book. A whole hour to force myself to produce even the ugliest of verses. I have a few poems I am working in, so I will be busy for a few days. When uninspired: painting. I want to learn how to go beyond the basic techniques I know.

11PM — Bedtime. Seven hours is plenty of sleep for me.

Obviously, these strict schedules are nothing but an outline. I need to study, prepare for class, I want to go to the gym three to four times a week, and I want to hang out with my friends. I feel better when I leave the house, or when people come at my place. Therefore, all these rigid rules will be flexible.

My father called me the most strict and obsessive person he knows the other day. He also calls me hysterical sometimes. I wonder how the two can co-exist. I wonder how I can be hysterical when I do not even have an uterus. Whatever. Such a rough words for a disease that doesn’t exist. Whatever. I wonder if he doesn’t know many people, or if he doesn’t know me. The point is - I will be flexible. I always have been. With myself less than with others, but I am still learning.

This year, in fact, I want to learn. Like every year, obviously. But this year I want to learn, or rather discover, what will be of me. I would be lying if I said I have not thought about the future a lot lately: where will I be in September? I was about to type “where will I find myself”, but I decided not to phrase it that way because I will not find myself anywhere, but rather I will go somewhere actively. I am a ship without a compass, but I will learn how to read the stars and find my way.

I want to learn how to cook good and healthy food, I want to learn pottery, I want to learn good French, I want to learn about art and fashion and philosophy. I want to learn how to sew and make clothes.

I also want to act with a sense of aim. As I have already said on my birthday, 19, and therefore 2023 as a whole, is the year of reaping the fruits, tasting the apples and low-hanging peaches: I have worked under the scorching sun and the freezing rain for a year, and I will continue to do so for my whole life, but from now on I want my fields to yield a good harvest.

This harvest can come in all forms. The one I wish for the most is publishing what I write. I did it once, I can do it again.

I want to feel fulfilled, full of life.

-c.

#diary

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dogret · 1 month ago

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Long post about today & being overwhelmed

I got surprised this morning bc classes started TODAY instead of next week like I'd been thinking. Had an appointment with my plastic surgeon too that I had to move 3 hours earlier just to get back in town with enough time to get on campus. Got there, couldn't find the gd room number! and was almost late.

Dissociated for at least half of the class, and even though it was a really good class (human sexuality) ig I started feeling self-conscious? frustrated? bc my answers to his (really not that important) questions weren't 100% accurate. Which... has yet to happen to me in grad school lol it's not a big deal & I'm probably gonna learn a bunch so it's fine but oh my god i do not like being told no or well actually when speaking up in classes I feel I know pretty much everything about already. idk dudes my ego has been bruised :') but the professor likes me already, I talked with a couple new dudes, and two girls from last quarter who really like me are in the class so it's not all bad, it's not even bad in general tbh i just don't like feeling dumb 🙃

But also like.... i had to make a million phone calls in the brief moments I had today to adjust medical appointments & oh boy I gotta be out of the house at 8AM Wednesday just to get another iron infusion before class.

And I'm still waiting on an answer from the remote admin job I interviewed for last week. I just sent my reference letters but I haven't heard from them since I told them they might be late. & it'll be great experience if i get it, but even at $20/hr, I'd only work like 4 hours for three days a week, so even by December I'd only make a bit over $2k

AND THEN. I have to figure out how to procure $16K by mid-december so I can pay for top surgery revisions. SURPRISE! Insurance doesn't pay for fuckin anything regarding gender affirming surgeries. Really glad my regular surgeon said he'll do the surgery no issues, but i just don't know how I'm going to get $16K in three months without forgoing everything including food lol.... at least now that I don't have to worry about immediately paying off my original top surgery loan, I can take the ~$3.5K I'll get from trading in my car and put it towards the surgery fund. So.... "only" $12.7K

But also, I gotta pay hundreds for school books....i gotta pay car insurance....i gotta pay my phone bill, credit card bills..... therapy.... medical appointments....i gotta pay my car registration like TOMORROW.....

How tf am I supposed to save money???? Oh my god.

I haven't even looked at my other classes' syllabus yet, either.

I'm so unbelievably overwhelmed!!!!!!!!! This whole month has drained me of funds and energy and it's not gonna get any better any time soon!!! :')

#at least i got all the Japanese cakes & snacks & noodles I've been wanting :')#not buying any more food until it's all gone. no joke.#long post #💜

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sapphicdancer · 2 months ago

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omh this was the most stressful day for the silliest of reasons

it is the start of the new semester and i was doing good i was doing great, i spent the first half of the week working on my cosplay that was for comic con next week (keep this in mind), I was working on my sister's cosplay. There was a heat wave so I went to the pool, I was just taking it chill

I was gonna breeze through my homework over the weekend when it was slightly less than 90 degrees.

On friday I walk into my stupid to work on my hw and get my future homie in law's cosplay ready. When he drops the news that the con wasnt next week, it was actually tomorrow (as of that friday). SO I have to drop everything to finish my sister's cosplay. And we all know if we are stress building we are stress failing.

so i finish all the cosplays, but i still had all my homework, and like it was a lot, not a lot for a friday saturday and sunday, but a lot for just sunday.

ontop of being gone on saturday, i have gymnastics n sundays, and i cant just ditch it bc im now an assistant coach for the Special Olympics kids group, so i gotta go for the kids time and my adult class (which i get to lead warm ups now heehee). So yeah thats two hours les to work on hw and my studio has only 2 lightbulbs and the sun is setting at like 7 now so yeah sewing in the dark was tricky. so i literally was doing my hw from 8am to 9pm bc my hw is due at gosh dang 11pm bc its a mountain time school ahh

anyways so yeah im doing all my hw by thursdays now just in case.

#im so very tired #it has been an exhausting day

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dreaded-behemoth · 6 months ago

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Another positive work/school related update!

I get paid tomorrow and I calculated I should take home a little over half of what my tuitions gonna cost. Towards the end im going to have to apply for a daily pay my work offers to pay the classes and rent on time.

Work is giving me hours but they fluctuate so much that its affecting my ability to fall asleep at decent times. I can start anywhere from 8am-8pm and get off anywhere from 10a-11pm

It wouldnt be so bad if I was a normal functioning adult who didnt have to walk to work and back

It doesnt give me time or the sleep I need to continue with my workouts, and Ive been focusing so much on getting to work that I havent been eating on a regular basis. Half the time Im too broke for food tho lol.

Which leads me into my next idea!

Im going to start walking everywhere again and get my distance up and go back to my goal of walking across America.

Lastly I had a energy drink for the first time and wow they are amazing why havent I found them out years ago?

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marshalljudd · 8 months ago

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Day 8 at University

I woke up at my first alarm this morning. Doesn’t usually happen. It was probably because I was anxious for my first lab.

I started my morning with an 8am class. Then I hung out for a bit and topped up my bus card. Went to my lab and it was scary at first. Everyone was sitting with someone and I was (surprise!) sitting alone. Someone came in late and the lab techs told her to sit with me. She was really nice to me and we got along pretty well.

After the three hour long lab, I had another lecture. The fire alarm went off about 15 minutes into the class so our lecturer dismissed us but said our tutorial was still on in two hours. I went and drew a bit, caught up on some of my favourite TV show and just rested.

I was nervous for my tutorial because it’s mainly for learning to speak instead of practical work about the language. My accent and pronunciation are not very good and a lot of other people in the class are fluent! It’s a bit daunting. I was added to a pair of people who were so welcoming and helped me with pronunciation and figuring the tasks out. They asked what high school I went to and they told me which high school they went to. It was the same one my cousin had gone to. And everything sort of crashed on me there and I cried in front of them. It was pretty embarrassing but I just miss my cousin. At the end of the tutorial, someone said they were fluent and if I needed any help I could talk to them which was very nice.

We finished the tutorial early so I went to wait in the space I’m normally in to wait for my mum. I was on my phone until I noticed someone come up to me. She just sat down next to me and we talked. I don’t quite know how to explain it but I felt a sense of comfort around her. When we were silent for a bit too long she said, “I don’t know what else to talk about.” It made me smile. She was really cool.

The day went by pretty fast. I still have to catch up on one of my courses before my lab tomorrow.

#blog #university #student blog

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writings-by-fairy · 9 months ago

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In the Stacks

Fandom: Marvel, Spiderman

Pairing(s): Peter Parker x Ned Leeds

Words: 3,000

Rating: M

Warnings: sexual content

Summary: Peter helps Ned study in an interesting way.

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Ned sighed heavily, he dared to look down at the clock though he knew that time would not be on his side tonight: 11:49PM. Knew it. He had been tucked away at one of the single desks in the stacks of the library since 4pm; no one went there because the chairs, desks, and books were all vintage (and not in a cute way). The stacks held books that hadn’t been checked out since the 60s, maybe 1860s. Ned’s favorite thing to do when he is really stressed and needs a second away from school is going up and down the endless aisles and picking up a random book to see when the last time someone checked it out.

He was getting close to shutting the book and saying “it is what it is” but he knows his grade cannot afford that right now (It really could but Ned has way too much anxiety for that). He stares at the empty coffee cup that sits on the corner while debating in his head. Should he just give up for tonight and pray his way through his 9am exam…or wait should he just stay up all night and sleep after the exam…no…but…no. well…

Ned mentally slaps himself and sits up right, he needs to get an A on his intro to quantum physics exam. Ned thought to himself: Come on, you can do this, right? It’s an intro class, a 400-level intro class. Just as Ned started to get in his own head, two soft hands covered his eyes. He was too tired to even be startled.

Peter took his hands down slowly, “That bad,” Ned couldn’t tell if Peter was asking or stating but either way, he was right: it was bad. Ned offered up what he had hoped looked like a smile, he turned in his chair to face Peter more, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the book. His hopeless eyes dance across the open pages noncommittally before opening his arms the best he could to so Peter could stand beside Ned. Peter smiled at the invitation not wasting a second more before standing beside him while wrapping an arm around Ned’s shoulders. Peter could physically feel Ned relax in his arms, poor boy.

“Intro?”

“Intro.”

“Exam is…”

Ned sighed, “tomorrow, 8am.” It hurt him to say it out loud, unwilling to admit the truth. Silly as it is, he still had that hope Canvas would give him a notification that said “exam postponed! Hooray!”.

“Oh, Ned.” Concern and empathy ran deep in his voice. It was one of those moments where Peter truly felt like he would do anything for Ned, it hurt him so much to see Ned struggling that hard. They both (despite Peter not even being in the class) had spent countless hours and infinite amounts of energy on this class: studying until dawn, tutors, going to office hours, endless YouTube videos.

Peter maneuvered himself so that he was sitting sideways in Ned’s lap. Peter’s legs dangled slightly when he sits down in Ned’s lap (Ned can’t help the beat his heart skips every time he notices).

Peter scanned the pages, flipping back and forth to the answers, lesson, example, anything that would help him understand it so that he could help Ned. A sense of disappointment and desperation creeped onto Peter, why can’t he understand so Ned doesn’t have to be stressed anymore? Despite the failure and self-criticism that Peter is thinking about, Ned’s heart can’t help but fill with love: Peter did so much for him in so many ways.

He could help it anymore, Ned grabbed Peter’s chin, pulling Peter’s face towards him slightly. Their eyes stayed looking at each other, deeper conversations that not even they will ever understand before Ned brought Peter in. Ned loved how easily he could control Peter, but he would never say that out loud. The thought of someone seeing them crossed their mind but melted into a kiss. No one came down here anyways, plus it was so late on a random weekday.

One of Ned’s arms was wrapped around Peter’s back acting as a back rest for Peter and the other slowly creeped its way up Peter’s thigh. Peter’s hands grabbed onto Ned’s wrist, both hands needed to enclose completely around Ned’s wrist. One hand almost reached completely, but there was still a good gap between his thumb and middle finger. God, Ned loved how small Peter was compared to him, another thing he would never say out loud.

Ned pulled back and Peter was already disheveled. He was already flushed and slightly out of breath, lips already so red. Peter’s body was so reactive to Ned.

“No, no. Don’t pout, baby boy.” Peter’s eyes slowly looked up at Ned. “I have an idea for how you can help, okay?” Peter felt ecstatic, a way he could help Ned finally. He shot straight up nodding rapidly.

Ned wordlessly scooted them back in the chair and had Peter stand up between his legs. Peter was now a little confused, maybe Ned needed to change positions, maybe he was going to have Peter turn around and look at it again, maybe Ned was going to say, ‘you can help by leaving’ and Peter would do anything. Strong hands found their way to Peter’s shoulders and now he found himself being pushed down. He felt even more confused but his obedient nature took over and he fell into position.

Peter sat on his knees between Ned’s legs, eyes big up at Ned, just waiting. Ned placed his foot on Peter’s chest and pushed him back until the sound of Peter’s back hitting the back of the desk was heard. Despite Peter’s extremely confused face, Ned kind of gave him the look that said you know what to do and the thing was. He had been expecting to help Ned with Quantum Physics so he was quite confused why he was under the table instead of up there with Ned. Ned just started working on study guide again like nothing was happening.

Peter blinked a few times snapping himself out of his daze. It clicked in his head what was happening. He slowly unzipped Ned’s zipper, cringing at each click. He pulled Ned out of his pants, and he was completely soft, stressed of his exam getting to him. This was Peter’s favorite way to have Ned. Usually, Ned was already hard by the time Peter even touched him and don’t get Peter wrong, he was flattered but he wanted to work for it. This was Peter’s secret he will never admit out loud.

Peter began to stroke Ned’s flaccid penis while his mouth began to water heavily. He wanted it in his mouth so badly but wanted to enjoy this moment. He started slow but began to pick up when Ned twitched in his hand. The twitch was Peter’s signal to take it a step farther. He slid his hand up and under Ned’s hoodie. No one would notice as his hoodie was baggy so Peter felt confident to do that.

Ned let out a grunt and Peter could hear the pencil slam on the table. Peter took this as his sign to really pick up the pace. He retracked his hand from Ned’s nipple and brought himself to Ned’s penis. Peter started slow, only sucking on the first two inches causing Ned to hiss.

Despite being inexperienced, Peter was probably one of the best at giving head. It was partially due to the fact it was Peter’s favorite thing to do. He was eager to please the whoever the lucky person was, they could tell.

“Oh fuck, Pete.” Ned grumbled quietly to himself. He could feel Peter smile around his cock, the praise making him excited.

Ned felt Peter moan around him, he knows Peter loves to suck his dick but not enough to just moan with no cause. He snuck back to look down at Peter to find him rubbing himself through his sweatpants.

“Peter.” Peter’s eyes shot open; he knew he had been caught just based off how Ned said his name. He froze, not entirely sure what to do, he eventually pulled off but his eyes say fixed on the floor.

“I am sorry,” Ned didn’t say anything which caused Peter to look up attentively. Their eyes met and Ned was silently communicating what he wanted from Peter but Peter could not figure it out. They stayed there for a minute: Ned’s eyes just staring, waiting for Peter to get it while Peter started to fidget, he is not getting it.

Ned decided to have mercy on his boy, “I am sorry…”

Peter’s eyes widen with realization, “Sir! I am sorry, sir.” He nodded, content that he figured out the mystery behind Ned’s silence.

Ned smiled down at Peter, “Now there is my good boy.” Peter swore he felt himself lift off the floor and go to heaven. He had to look down for a second to prove to himself he is in fact still on Earth. “Now we still have to punish you so hands behind the back and keep them there.” Peter nodded sadly; he knew he disobeyed Ned but that didn’t make the hurt go away. Peter hated going against Ned’s rules and technically he broke two.

“Open your mouth.” Peter’s head tipped back, and he opened his mouth wide, just how Ned liked it. Ned quickly wrapped his fingers in Peter’s curls pulling his head towards Ned. Peter moaned from surprise and pleasure. He felt spit hit his tongue and he flinched back. “Swallow.” Peter closed his eyes and swallowed like it was blessing.

“Thank you, sir.”

“Still had to punish you for forgetting how to address me.” Looking back on it, Peter was slightly confused on why Ned randomly spit in his mouth, but he just accepted it. This wasn’t something new to them or anything. “You may continue.”

Peter leaned forward, slightly off balanced, now his hands were behind his back. Before, Peter’s hands were doing a majority of the work. Peter was just sucking the tip teasingly. Peter sucked down Ned’s cock a few times but only a little bit before he started bobbing all the way. Ned’s breathing picked up and he regripped his pencil tightly.

Peter knew that he was good but to hear and see Ned start to fall apart made him euphoric. He closed his eyes and started to move up and down at a slow pace, somewhat teasing Ned. A soft sore began in Peter’s jaw, he could help but love it. He knew Ned was on the uphill battle of his climax as he started to readjust how he was sitting every 30 seconds.

“Ned?” Ned’s head snapped up. “Bro, what’s up?” One of the frat guys in Ned classes that thought it was funny to be friends with Ned because he was overweight, awesome. They do invite Ned and Peter to the frat parties and the two of them do go sometimes.

“Sup, Paxton.” Ned nodded his head nonchalantly. While Ned was slowly losing his cool, an idea, a bad idea, crossed Peter’s mind.

“Yo, Brody! It’s Ned!” Oh my gosh, Ned prayed the Earth would swallow him whole. He was already at such a short fuse; he did not have time for Brody and Paxton. Now, Peter started his plan. He figured while Ned was talking to the two frat guys, he could release some pressure that he was experiencing.

Peter could hear the slight jog approach the two of them, “Ned, my guy! You coming out tomorrow? Its dress like Freddie Friday, its his birthday so…” The sound of Paxton continued to infect the air but Ned could not care less as he had something bigger to focus on: not coming right in front of them.

Peter could hear Paxton ramble on and on about the party and what crazy things they had planned. He took this time to reach his hands to the front of him, he gave a few experimental strokes before committing. It felt so good that he forgot what he was doing originally so Ned stayed still in his mouth.

“Where is that little boyfriend of yours?” Brody finally interrupted Paxton who was still somehow going on about the party. He looked around as if Peter would be hiding on the exposed pipes or behind a stack of books. The two of them constantly made jokes about Ned and Peter dating, though they technically aren’t, they are extremely exclusive.

While that conversation was happening, Peter was getting close to release himself. The thought of two people unknowing to what was happening underneath the vintage desk really did something to Peter. He lovef the idea of Brody and Paxton looking down at any moment and see Peter in his knees. His hips started to move back and forth as he found a steady rhythm with his hand.

Paxton’s smile softly sat on his face, “Oh yeah, that Peter guy…” he looked down at his shoes. This is when Ned finally noticed Peter had stopped and he only had the head resting delicately on his tongue. Ned sent a little prayer to whoever would listen and dared a look down at Peter. Rage filled him instantly. He brought his foot up and tapped Peter’s hand lightly causing Peter’s eyes to snap open and his breath hitch. He had been caught.

“Just like you asked last time, Peter is not my boyfriend.” Ned sighed heavily, anger about the whole situation raising every minute.

Paxton chuckled like a dad who just said an awful joke to his kid’s friends, “You know,” he looked at Brody knowingly. “that’s a shame, Peter is real nice. I know I’m straight but” There was a secret joke said between Brody and Paxton as they started laughing obnoxiously. The two frat brothers said their goodbyes with a hard hit to Ned’s shoulder and a see you. He could hear them talk about Peter, more specifically, things they would want to do to Peter.

Once they were out of earshot, Ned pushed his chair back making Peter choke a little at the sudden movement. “Peter.”

“I-“ Peter choked then cleared his throat. “I am sorry, sir. I just thought while you were-“Ned slapped Peter causing him to moan quietly. He readjusted himself as his knees were starting to hurt and he looked down at the ground.

“You are here to please me…not yourself,” Ned scooted closer and grabbed Peter by the hair. “got it, slut?”

Peter just nodded quickly and tried to inch forward only to be stopped by Ned pulling his hair back. “Nngh…yes sir.” Peter panted a little and swallowed back nothing. “I am yours, all yours. I’m your slut. Please!”

Peter’s eyes were glossed over and pupils blown wide giving him a puppy dog affect. Ned had not even realized but he was feeling a little jealous and maybe a little insecure about the comments the two unwanted guests were making. To hear how they would please Peter made Ned mad but he instantly let out the breath he was holding when Peter said that. Hearing Peter say that he was all Ned’s made Ned feel grounded because he knew Peter really meant that.

Ned scooted his chair forward pulling Peter down on his cock. He gaged at first but soon got adjusted. He tried to pull back but found Ned holding him in place by his hair. Peter panicked for a second, he made a move to put his hands on Ned’s legs but instead tightened his grip around his wrists. He found a way to calm himself down and closed his eyes.

There wasn’t much warning but Ned gave a few good thrusts before coming down Peter’s throat. Ned pulled back and made a few deep breathes. While he was breathing slowly, he looked down and saw Peter waiting patiently.

“Go ahead and swallow, baby boy.” Ned smiled at him. “Now tuck me away and come sit on my lap.” Peter frowned from his spot on the floor, he had a bad feeling. He slowly zipped Ned’s pants back up and crawled up from under the chair. Ned patted his lap so Peter could climb delicately on Ned’s lap.

“You know I love you?”

Peter nodded while looking down at his lap, he started chewing his lips.

“So you know that I am punishing you because you earned it okay?”

Peter sniffled pulling at the end of his sleeves. “Okay.” He wrapped his arms around Ned’s shoulders and took a couple calming breaths before looking at Ned in the eyes. Peter looked like a wreck: his hair was everywhere, his lips were bruised, his eyes slightly red, some of his eyelashes were clumped together.

“Get your yourself together, kid!” Ned laughed before running a few fingers through Peter’s hair. He pulled Peter back and just admired him, he couldn’t understand why or how he got so lucky. Ned would never know but Peter was thinking the same thing.

Ned pushed Peter to stand up but pulled him into a a tight hug. While he was hugging Peter, he started looking over his homework again and he gasped.

“I got it, Peter!” Ned pushed Peter up against the desk and grabbed a pencil. Peter giggled at the situation, Ned wrapped around him scribbling at his notebook.

Ned started laughing before rapidly packing up his bag, Peter smiled so big because he knew that meant they were going to cuddle in bed now.

Ned threw his bag on his back and kissed Peter before wrapping his arms around his shoulders and leading them towards the dorm. “Thank you, baby boy.”

Peter just smiled as they made their way through the lobby. “Maybe you can get a reward when we go home.” Ned whispered before opening the door for Peter.

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I am on AO3 as the same username if you want to check out my other works. This is on there :P Requests are open so please message me

XOXO Fairy

#nff #spiderman #peter parker #Ned Leeds #Ned x Peter #Ned Leeds x Peter Parker #marvel #smut prompt #ao3 #fanfic #writing prompt #smut prompts #smut fic #writing requests #requests are open

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trushfamily · 1 year ago

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Words from my heart:

My name is Dimitri Trush and I am here to tell you my story and of my three sons: Yuri, Nikolai and leo Kosumo. First and foremost, before I begin I ought to express wholeheartedly my overwhelming feeling of gratitude and appreciation to few unique individuals without whom I may not be alive and well: My dear parents , father and mother, I cant find the appropriate wording to say how much I value all what you have done for me specially in the past 3 years of my life. I love you Daddy and Mommy. Long Life to you!! There are also few individuals whom I own due respect: Mr Chris Siren, Dario DePreado, Artem and Valya Poduruev. Thank you dearly to you all for being so supportive affectionate compassionate towards me and my life.

Trush Family….TOKYO JAPAN 2023 Woke up in the morning:

Today I woke up again late, I had a horrible night, could not fall asleep for ages and then twisted and turned all night long; at the end it was past 8am, yet again I missed a chance that could be the last one in my life. You may now wonder what chance I am talking about; well, It’s a chance to see your own children, and today could have been a last opportunity. I know its sounds dramatic and it making no sense, specially after looking at the pictures of my family, isn’t it?

Today is September 27 of 2023; I woke up this morning and thought to my self, what if I die tomorrow, how will my children know who their father was, where was he all this years and so forth and so on. To be perfectly honest with you, I am an ordinary man in my 40`s and I been living in Japan from August 2010. I moved to Japan not alone, with one person, I will refer to her as MOMS which stands for Mother Of my sons. We moved from the states with the idea of starting a family. Anyways, going back to my initial thought, upon waking up late, and regretting of not being able to go to school where two of my boys currently enrolled in, they begin classes at 8 am so I been going there early morning or in the afternoon with the hope to glance at the boys from the distance. Yes this is weird and creepy but the only way I can possibly see them is on their way to school and as I am typing this my chances of seeing them, yes only see without being able to hug touch or even speak, but I will get to this later, now I want to say that I am in despair and I feel I have to do something to not loose my mind, so I want to begin writing every morning notes about a story of a father of OUR three sons: Yuri, Nikolai and Leo-Kosumo. I admit, I have no skills to write, I am quite bad with everything that goes with reading and writing , I am more of a listener and I play the violin, so just saying I am not novelist and I am just hoping to be able to put my story on the piece of paper so that may be one day someone finds this manuscript and learns something from it. I do hope that someone will be my three boys. God Save our Children!!

INTRODUCTION

What is a family? How is a family? Why strive to build a family, and so many other question I have in mind, and I am not sure I can give you an answer you will agree with but one with for certain that all families are made up of at least two individuals, not one, two; in my case it is a man and a women (there are other families as well with other genders but I am now talking about standard concept of a family, the one I was brought in.and I am not here to preach you about you about my beliefs and ideals, I am here to tell you the fable of what once was my family, and what is left of it..

Add a caption for your picture.

Disclaimer

This short fable that I am about to tell you is not about a relationship between me and her (the MomBoys), I am not here to tell you who and why and how we ended up constituting a relationship that turned into a family for a split 10 years; So this is not a drama story of a drama queen from Japan and her husband, its not at all about the past between husband and wife, it’s about a fathers and mothers who are left behind. There is even a community being formed on line called PLB (parents left behind). And one more, all but one character in this fable is a mere illusion, and the dreams come true only if you keep the fade upon waking up in the morning…

The beginning of an end…

Today is September 27, 2023 and I am finally ready to go back into the old days when the days were endless, we were crazy we were young, yet those days are all gone and there is one thing still true - I am loving you…. I do certainly love the women I married, not quite sure it’s the same person I had my three children with ; I am being sarcastic and even ironic just wait until you read next paragraph.

That day will come..

Remember I mentioned few days ago about seeing my son near by their school and house? Well today is the day, each time I see them it could be the last one. Today Friday September 29, 2023 and dispute all the nuances I feel good, I feel right and no one gonna stop me from seeing them, not even worth mentioning interacting with them. Its clear that Moms is doing a great job to keep us apart. Me Waking up at 5 this morning I made my self a promise to make it to their school by 8am, the time they usually commence their activities at school. Every single day of this past week I visited a gym located not far from their school and after completing my workout I run around the neighborhood with hope to see Leo or Nikolai; The older son Yuri, is attending middle school with different location, btw I have not been able to see him this year at all and very unlikely I will and even If I meet him around he is not going to talk to me. Yuri is now 12 and I witnessed him being born at our flat in west Tokyo, It was hot Day on July 24 of 2011; he was born exactly one year after we moved to Japan. As I began writing the Trush story, I made a promise to myself, I will only remember and share the beautiful memories. I will refrain from brining negative vibes by thinking positively without remorse or contempt towards anyone featuring here, in particular towards Moms, after all she is the mother of my boys. Moreover, I believe some day my boys will remember me and find this story and I don’t want them to read negative experience of their father and mother; I can hear music by W A Mozart I recalled an inspiring moments of our 15 years journey , we both are musicians and our sonds were studying piano and cello at the time we were together, now I feel grateful for having an opportunity to have a family and value what is sacred, both Music and Family are like a religion for me, please don’t attempt to revoke the sacred things from my life, Thank you for your cooperation.

Oh I deviated slightly from my early morning experience, I am actually a bit ADHD, please stay with me, as it is a true Breakthru, an experience that I will never forget and will mark a new chapter in my and my kids life. . in short, 15 minutes and I was ready, proud of my morning rush, I made it to the school by the set hour; The adrenaline and all what I feel each time when I am around my boys, I cant describe with words what I go through each time I set my foot on the enemies territory;

Seriously, I am not exaggerating. I saw not only two boys but also the Moms. (mother of my sons). Just for reference I have not seen her once for 1.5 years and that is after we have shared our dreams for 15 years; Believe it or not. Its now 2 years and 9 months that we live separately.

On the back of my mind I foresaw this scenario coming , hence I was so anxious and I at the same time blessed to have been able to see you two again, from a distance, but actually saw with my own eyes. I am referring to you Nikolai and Leo-Kosumo. This is a second time since Ocotber 2021 that I saw you two, first time was two weeks ago.

Going back to todays morning event,I just made sure I don’t chase after them and don’t say anything that may offend. Things happened really fast yet I was able to take a video snapshot of our encounter, which did not happen at the end, the moment she saw me she took a hand of Leo turn around and started heading back away from me. What should I have done? What would you have done being in my shoes?I only spoke few words to Nikoalai, as he turned around once when I called his name, and without saying anything rushed away/. Finally I can get to the point that I miss you all way too much, and I think of you every day. Boys you must still remember me , do you? You are the witnesses and at the same time prisoners. You are good boys doing what to do and I am left behind and no one can give me an answer to why this is happening to us? Three of you are wonderful sons, I must make sure you are you all right , and nothing troubles you and you are taking care of each other. Three brothers, lucky 3!!

The Friday night

As the day got by I was contemplating about things, working, exercising and speaking to few individuals who went through the same thing I am living now. Two individuals one of who I will call K, she is a mother of a 12 years old son who is been abducted by her husband about 6 years ago. I am stressing this so that one know that my story is not the first one and not the last. 150,000 kids are being separated from one of their parent annually.

If I knew this statistics, I would have thought twice before making a family in Japan.

It’s a tragedy and the nation is not doing a damn thing to stop this cruelty. Any how, I was told contradictory information about me visiting my boys school with hope to at least let them know that their father never abandoned them or forgot about them, their father actually living near by m about 5 kilometers away and he has made numerous attempts to reunite with you three. About your mother leading you away from me , is a different game that I do not want to play along. I have been sentenced but committing no crime. I refuse to accept this abuse. The problem is not Moms , the problem is Japanese law and there is nothing we can do about it. Meanwhile I must prepare for the worst scenario. I am not welcome in near where my kids live and everytime I go there, I run a risk of being treated as a criminal. Lady K I mentioned earlier was in jail for few weeks. That is hard to grasp, comprehend. I am not planning on visiting jail but as a consequence of todays meet up I may be banned by police to approach kids for the next 6 months. This is a common practice where you can call police and say you have fear of such and such and police make sure you abide their wills. I have been far away from home for way to long, I don’t have anything to loose. This is my credo for today,I have risked today and so yesterday and the whole past two weeks and I managed to see you boys, finally, up close without fearing and hiding. I have fear only to one thing, to not being able to do something today that I will regret tomorrow for not accomplishing fulfilling, abandoning ….. Amen..

Love Story; Chapter 1.

I am starting this chapter by expressing my appreciation to a particular person who made me feel like I am worthwhile, I am capable, I am inspiring giving loving and needed most of all. Guess who that person is? Did you? Its paradoxical but this person is the same person with whom I met in the morning while visiting boys at their school. In this chapter I will call her “A” vs MOMS. She is actually quite famous , one can type her last name and her first name you can easily find her on Youtube and other platforms. Let me intro you briefly, This chapter will be the most amusing of all.I hope you find it inspiring romantic and dream-like. As I am typing I feel like it was just pure magic, like it never happened to me, like I was not me, and she was not her. If one would have told me back in 2004, the year we met, what I will be facing for past 3 years, I don’t know what would I have done or told you. I simply would not take it seriously. I know its sounds ordinary, every one upon meeting each other are in heaven, I agree, its common for us to fall in love and so on. The point I ma trying to convey is is the fact that this A-girl who has been my wife since 2008 is calling cops because I insist on rights of a father that is presumably guilty of who knows what crimes… I am as innocent as a 3 years old, I am father of three sons, who earned net amount of about a million USD $ dollar since moved to Japan in 2010. Yes I am not millionare but I earned working as CEO for my company and it seemed sufficient for a modest living. I want to confess, I did not earn this money on my own, The A-Girl was part of this game and she deserves a praise. Without her I would not be encouraged to work at such rate and dedication. I only did it for the wellbeing of our then family. I am sorry to say but money was never a purpose of living, I like modest living and I don’t live with the sole purpose to work, instead I work occasionally to live and rejoice.

Good day to Yrui Niko and Leo-Kosumo

September 30th. Have you ever asked yourself what is all worth it? And such, if you would have given a second chance, what would have you done differently if done at all? Questions as such are mind bugling and most of the time people have issues to give a truly honest answer, one of the reasons is because there are emotional and physical matters that affect our behaviors etc. Enough of this and I want to let you know boys, that if I don’t make it until the day you talk to me, I want you to know that I and your mother have many beautiful things that we shared. The love was endless, we were crazy we were young. And lastly the idea of reviving my memories at such difficult stage of my life, makes me ignore all the horrendous things that we are going through since summer of 2020, the year we stopped living together, this yeat is also known for famous plandemic which is completely fake, but it was a decision that I had to make in order to survive. This is the chapter of our life that forever changed who were are .

Day 2nd of October 2023. This morning woke up just on time to go for another chance to see my boys, and despite being certain of my intention the night before, I decided to not go. There are many factors that affected my decision including the fact that I may be taken into custody by police, if I get to be reported by some one who is aware of my presence in the area. I was convinced by few PLB members (partents left behind) that I am in danger of loosing freedom if I get cut, after all no one knows what has been said to the police by my moving other half.. There are many things I value in life but there is definitely one thing I cant absolutely live without: freedom. I cant imagine being detained just because I wanted to see you Yuri, Nikolai and Leo-Kosumo. I hope some day you three will understand what I have done is solely with one purpose and that is a purpose for you to have father figure in your life.

On October 4, 2023, I sent documents to the court of Tachikawa Branch in Japan, I am awaiting for the next hearing scheduled on Oct 11. I am keeping my fingers crossed as I am trying to get back my rights as a father of three boys. I am not asking for anything else, I just want them back in my life. Dear Boys, you were part of my life for many years and all of the sudden, I lost access to you. I was , am and will be a good carrying and loving father. No one can limit the access to you three, just because they feel like it.

I love you all so much I can express…. Someone is trying to take to destroy me by taking away the most sacred thing- My family. They want to make me believe I am the cause of all evil in the world of Trush. Some one our there is terrorizing and plundering me openly….

“Some people are cynic and sadist of the worst sort” their cruelty and mercilessness is destroying generations…

Sometimes I feel so sad, so sad , so bad;

But…….. no one gonna stop me now

No one…………..

Its hopeless, so hopeless to even …

Privet こんにちは Hello, Hola Yuri, Nikolai and Leo-Kosumo. Have is your day going? Is it happening? Today was just another day and I learned few things about life, among which one thing which I am kin on sharing with you, Your mother told me in 2021 that when time is right she will teach you English, well hopefully this time comes sooner then later and when you grow older you can read my message to you three. And one last thing for today, remember, no matter what anyone one tells you about your father, does not matter, who, its not true and the story is prefabricated. There is only one truth and is I never left you abandoned or run away from you. I was always home in Kodaira City waiting for you to come by. I am not sure how more longer I can keep living here without you but as of October 8 2023, I am still here. Please promise me to know what I just told you. I never left you behind, I came looking for you many times and I still will do so until I die… please hold on, shake hands, stand strong and respect !

#TrushFamily

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bigearsbunbun · 1 year ago

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2nd day in 10th grade 08/30/23

I slept a little early than usual since I literally got 4 hours of sleep yesterday so I slept at 1AM....When I woke up I was still tired as hell since I accidentally forgot to turn off my 7:10AM alarm.....god worse mistake I ever made dude I was so tired and I tried to stay awake this time since I didnt want to be waken up by my 8AM alarm because I was just sick of hearing the alarm 2times so I immediately go on with my day starting with.........tiktok of course nothing surpising abt that...ALSO the new curtains that I tried on my windows literally made the room so much lighter since its white and it lets the light of the sun through the thin fabric...

Anyway at 11AM I started getting ready for school and ended up getting to school at 12:22PM like I was getting indecisive about what to wear and had to rush in and out of my room to get the accessories that I forgot to put onT.T...

when I got to the school it was PACKED sigh and when I got to our classroom it didnt start yet to I was relieved, to pass the time I read some one piece so I couldnt get bored waiting for the teacher:DD...

After like 15 mins the teacher finally arrived and started discussing about the policies of the school and the do's and don'ts..... literally had to sit and listen to that for 2 FHOURS my butt hurts from sitting broTT like pleaaaaaaase RELEASE ME..

when it was snack break I saw some of my friends outside waiting for us, we started to visit our other classmates but some of them were still in class and their teachers havent dismissed them for snack break yet...also I couldnt give eshy the snacks I bought yesterday as a pay back because she was still in class and I felt shy to go in so I just joined some of my friends walking around the building as we ate our snacks:DD

then snack break is over I sat on my seat......the teacher didnt really made us do that much and we already did all the stuff for today so we just had to wait for her to dismiss us....it was boring....like really boring....I ran out of chapters to read since I forgot to download more so I felt even more bored...so then I started sketching....there werent really any stuff in the classroom that was interesting it didnt really have that much stuff so I started sketching my bracelet and some characters online and that lasted for 10 minutes.....after a few more minutes for waiting they finally dismissed us....oh no I just realized tomorrow is our turn to clean the classroom....kinda lucky though since tomorrow I'll wear PE its so comfyyy..

When I got out of the classroom I saw my friend lets call her den!! I'm lucky to have her as a friend shes so sweet... we chatted as we wait for eshy to get dismissed from class so we were just downstairs....I showed my new sketches and she liked them!! I really want to improve more and Im proud to say that I have been sketching for a few days straight which is pretty rare for me so it feels nice to finally feel motivated about practicing my art skills:DD

when we were finally complete we chatted for a while with some other friends:DD one of them got voted as a president and won shes pretty smart and kind so I think she'd do great as a class president...but the bad part is.... the vice president is our creepy past classmate....he's literally the worst person on earth in my opinion... he literally touches people for no reason and its hella sexual too!>:[ ugh and also that guy cheats in quizzes....pretty happy that he's not my classmate this school year..

It was finally time to go home and we all parted way at the gate...I took a ride home because I couldnt really walk anymore since I picked the worst shoes to use today...it was my moms shoes and its smallT.T (I'm bigger than my mom)

Aaaand I got home:D my poor feetT.T I will never ever wear those shoes ever againD:...

I took this photo on the way home!! the sun was still up since it was 4:30PM I took a pic of some of these flowers:DD (eshy likes these flowers)

anyway thanks for reading this far!! have a great day byeeee!!(*/ω＼*)

#rambling #high school #journal

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