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etoilesbienne · 9 months

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Nice to see that apparently we’ve all read it runs in the family. It was my guilty pleasure fic and i didn’t expect to see other people talking about it. I started reading it like a month after i got into bad and dsmp and i was /obsessed/. It’s one of those fics that changes your brain chemistry and makes you stare at a wall after reading it. To this day im still subbed to it on the off chance that it gets another chapter.

like genuinely its an enamoring fic it has an odd premise but like the author has so much potential in, like, being able to write genuinely engaging narratives. i'm shocked at how much setup is put into the work and you can tell where the narrative is going in a way that's like watching a trainwreck. You know exactly where it is going but the journey of getting there is so fascinating to watch.

anyway i want to ramble about what i liked and what i didn't like in the fic. so. huge reader discretion advised, go look at the other warnings i posted about this fic before reading this (also spoilers for the fic ahead)

like part of its most interesting facets is it is one of the few fics that tackles this sort of heavy subject matter of assault and kidnapping and doesn't really shy away from how genuinely negative it is and can be. like don't get me wrong ive enjoyed other psychological horror before, but it was, like, nice? to see the "pets" all be like genuinely upset and respond realistically to the situation they're in. no "they really like it secretly" undertone.

not a criticism but my favorite part of this story is the random ass normal human names they try to give everyone. they made skeppy have a white ass last name. bbh's name is Bad Halo. purpled doesn't even show up but his name is mentioned to be, like, "nolan purpled but he goes by purpled because his cheating whore of a mom named him nolan and he hates her" genuinely funniest line of the whole fic one of my favorites i can never ever forget it. i need to find all the human names in this theyre so fucking funny.

also badboyhalo? while he IS woobified and made much more demure and defanged, he's still like... that IS badboyhalo. his moments of complete suspicion at every encounter. his doubting. refusal to break the mould and rock the boat out if fear something bad would happen. VERY badboyhalo sentiments. also the fact the writer knew about skephalo divorce. going to be honest, looking at how their other work contains a6d, i think the writer was/is a bbh watcher. and then the schlatthalo. the fact they made schlatt ask to curse? and then bbh laughed when he did? this person understood both of these guys. they did their homework. schlatt isn't a megalomaniac evil villain one note. i don't know if i'd call both of them "in character" per say, but i can definitely say they had consistent characterization and i could understand how their characters got to these versions.

also the technohalo multifaceted concept? techno seeing bbh as too innocent? putting bbh on a pedestal and denying his humanity in that way? WILD. the setup and writing was all there for, like, bbh using his body and manipulating techno to turn against phil.

like the good parts of this fic are such crazy highs and peaks it makes the lows look so much worse.

speaking of which: wilbur soot.

by god is wilbur soot not a character, he is a force of nature and just continuous digging deeper on trying to fix a problem the writer accidentally started. none of sbi really are fleshed out or rounded characters, but wilbur soot is like by far getting the worst treatment. im not even a wilbur fan LOL.

he's supposed to be a schizophrenic serial killer which already isn't a great start, and then you watch the writer realize the issue and try to fix what they've started. this is when schizophrenic medicated slimecicle comes in. followed by badboyhalo looking at the camera and going Not All Mentally Ill People Are Bad. which was just really funny in such a morbid way. but then the writer DOES go in an interesting direction with phil denying his condition and refusing to help him get medicated. however with the slimecicle medicated moment it comes off as a medication = The Good Mentally Ill Person narrative. genuinely i dont know how id solve the wilbur issue without extensive rewriting. he's just a mess.

phil i think is one of the most interesting of sbi, being made into a central antagonist and a genuinely good villain. his scenes have well made tension and poses actual threat and stakes to the narrative. he's a good villain! techno has an interesting arc with bbh but just isn't given enough screentime and doesn't have much beyond "brute to be manipulated" which sucks a little. tommy is tommy. only one of sbi i could see not dying in a fire at the end. wilbur, despite his other issues is a narrative driver with his capriciousness, but the schizophrenia plotline is such a mess that he just is not a person here, he's a plot device more than anything.

more abstractly i do wish they committed and, like, had sex scenes or were blatant about sex happening. like they keep dancing around it but so much of the fic does not make sense if sex isn't what's occurring here. like i get subtlety if the avoidance of sex is what they're aiming for! but its okay to, like, maybe make it more clear whatever techno and bbh have going on is obviously sexual, because that can be used to advance the narrative and make it more clear bbh is using his body to manipulate here, because that'd be a good plot point to continue the themes and motifs of the story. i also just do not know how else to interpret the relationship lol.

my other biggest criticism is make it less misogynistic. the only three named women are the dead samsung smart fridge (who is now a dead mom named samantha), minx the alcoholic witness, and puffy, who is somehow ranboo's mom. like the ableism is horrific here but its so over the top stupid in the ableism, while the misogyny is subtle and just reeks. genuinely why is puffy ranboo's mom that sucks so fucking bad. make her be his aunt or guardian or something. but mom? c'mon.

i rambled way too long lol there's more i can say but this fic is my roman empire. the writer has so much potential but just needs more life experience to understand mental illness and misogyny. also a beta reader to fix their formatting. and maybe make their dialogue more human. shoutout to ranboo giving his name and phone number to tommy after tommy literally fucking tells him he'd "make a beautiful corpse" CRAZY exchange. no human would do that.

#asks

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lime1991 · 9 months

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My dsmp Tubbo and Tommy canons (I can do whatever I want and these are canon facts to me)

Tubbo:

-smoked cigarettes a lot during the Schlatt administration to get away from all of the… everything. Fundy was the one who started this for him.

-hates alcohol because of Schlatt and Wilbur. Before being part of Schlatt’s cabinet he had to deal with Wilbur being drunk and mentally ill too.

-is Wilbur’s adopted brother, calls Phil by his name instead of “dad” even though he was literally raised by him. Also doesn’t call Wilbur his brother unless it’s brought up in some way.

-Tommy is his best friend. He is Tommy’s favorite person. Their conversations are very monotone.

-has breathing problems due to smoking. Has tried to quit, but can’t. Instead smokes weed every so often because it’s better than nicotine.

-has bipolar disorder, when he’s manic he wakes up at 5 am and does yard work. When he’s depressed, he can’t get out of bed for days. He knows he’s bipolar, many people do, but it still was a reason his marriage fell apart (not his fault)

-he did not get custody of Michael when he and Ranboo divorced, because he didn’t fight for it because doesn’t think he can really raise a child with all his personal issues (in a “I would never have kids because I’m too mentally ill and traumatized” way)

-bonded with Quackity during the Schlatt administration, is maybe the only one who knows to what extent Quackity was fucked up by Schlatt. They have a weird relationship that’s similar to a mother and son. Don’t question it.

-I’m a fan of dadschlatt so in my brain Tubbo is Schlatt’s biological son, and they only find this out when they’re working together and Schlatt grills him on his family history and it strangely matches up with that one time Schlatt decided to leave the girl he accidentally impregnated and fully skip town. So when Schlatt and Quackity get married Quackity is basically Tubbo’s stepmom.

-he and Wilbur are like 12 years apart, when Fundy is born, Wilbur is 20. When Fundy and Tubbo meet for the first time, Fundy is 8 and Tubbo is 16. And, yes, Tubbo went to live with Wilbur when he turned 16 for reasons and was like “Wil who the fuck is this child” and Wilbur is like “oh that’s my daughter” ???

Tommy:

-trans girl.

-met Wilbur before she met Tubbo. They lived in the same place. When Tubbo went to live with Wilbur he was immediately bombarded by a strange hyperactive fifteen year old.

-Tommy’s parents left her. She didn’t believe that they did at first, but they did. (By the way I’ve decided L’Manburg was a commune) Because her parents have left her alone on the commune, she’s sort of raised by all of the adults and herself. This is how she knows Wilbur.

-has bpd and severe abandonment issues. Originally attached herself to Wilbur before meeting Tubbo and becoming close with him. During the Pogtopia era, Tommy goes insane and completely attaches herself to Wilbur again.

-When Wilbur dies during war, Tommy’s whole personality switches and instead of being majorly depressed she pretends that it didn’t happen and stays completely delusional for like a month.

-during Exile, she had time to think about herself and her identity and it’s when she comes out to herself as trans. Dream is also the first person she actually comes out to. And I can’t decide if Ghostbur is a hallucination or not, but Tommy doesn’t know either it’s ok.

-very delusional. Like, schizophrenic. Genuinely believed during Exile that Dream was her best friend and wasn’t like beating her and destroying her stuff every single day. Dream doesn’t understand if she’s being serious when she’s like “hi bestie” so he keeps doing worse and worse wondering how much it’ll take to break her.

-gets therapy and takes antipsychotics now. Always brings up the stories of the wildest delusional episodes she’s ever experienced. During exile she was certain she had like 5 girlfriends at once.

-when she ends up trapped in jail with Dream she almost kills herself before Dream does it for her. The pain of being trapped with him again was worse than emotional. Worse than ptsd.

-has complicated feelings towards Quackity, will never forget the time she watched him and Schlatt argue. She’d never heard a “loving couple” sound that angry before. Though she doesn’t know every little detail about the relationship.

#dream smp #dsmp #clingyduo #cclingyduo #tommyinnit #Tubbo #there are definitely more but I was just throwing out ten for both of them

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whistlingsucks · 2 months

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phred have you considered maybe getting phil therapy. getting abducted by aliens as a kid and then being escaping a government facility through a manhole cover only to get chased by fbi agents doesnt sound good for a little kid to go through, for any of you

We all ARE in therapy, they don’t believe us tho.

they think im schizophrenic

#riddle school #phred whistler #ask blog #ask phred whistler #phred ^_^#phred ^ ^#im not i swear #yeah phils in therapy.#so am i #dont tell my therapist this but i eat pencil lead

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poetdreamerfool · 2 years

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2022 Freestyle Series #30

RIP UNCLE P

see the words they just come out its like the beat waiting for them to run out I got the type of aura people stop and look like I got a gun out my sons lumincesent like the sun out its all for them for them the law can bend and rules can break smoke the leaf down to the shake like a seminole and buffalo use every part of it made something from nothing for the art of it like fuck cash but I'm a paradox cause like a hipster's face I mustache the way I burn I must crash but never that flier than a pair of wings on jack kerouac all the bullshit I took care of that before you asked like your granny carrying grocery bags on the less traveled path money so funny I forgot to laugh so I stayed high like a stock that forgot crash gotta get this cash gotta get this cash got the birds eye view the situation hairy like lips of fu man chu I don't think I do so poetic with my shit I sneeze haikus at you achooo on threw down on flash beat getting throwed like Jazz be by uncle phil life so motherfucking real like my schizophrenic uncle who never took his pills last thing he said if he's crazy to the world what's the world to him? then he blew his nose on his shirt and walked out like a pimp hit em with the two step and a limp so when you see me gliding I'm channeling him--

in the house growing up violence was considered wholesome lights get cut off let the roach in no pot to piss in starving brother on a mission broke rules but I never broke a promise the first thing you learn when you're broke is the value of being honest

he was more honest with me than my father. fuck em Rest in peace Uncle Peter

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daybreakerreal · 1 year

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I love you my little spider tattoo just above my left breast. I lvoe you little kid inside my head. I love you angry me inside my head who is politically active, even if it fucks up our youtube reccomendations. I love you other little kid inside my head. I lvoe you other little kid inside my head. I love you other little kid inside my head. I love you guilty me who feels my guilt so i dont need to. I love you sad me who feels my sadness and grieves for me, you're more important then you know. I love you little puppy in my head, you may be misguided sometimes but you are full of love. I love you crazy fucked up guy who fucks things up a lot when they come out because you want to be the only one. I understand where you come from and I love you. I love you personification of space. I lvoe you all the others that I forget about because I'm not ready to know about you. I love you callused fingers that can push and bend acoustic guitar strings. I love you muscle memory that lets all of us enjoy playing guitar. I love you Fiona Apple who is playing inside my headphones but isn't actually inside my head. you make awesome music. I love you all 3 of my guitars even though 2 are in a state of disrepair. I'll get you guys the money to fix you and I'll get the money to get a phone to record all 3 of you on. I love you music. I love you tattoo artists. I love you ladies. I love you ******. I love you ******. I love you ****. I love you ****, I love you in every lifetime of every universe and I will love you when we go to whatever awaits us afterwards. I love you christians even if some of you try to convert me to christianity. I love you muslims you've all been really cool all the ones that i've met at least. I love you jewish people i'm glad i'm jewish. I love you neopronoun users and queers and cishets and anyone who fits neatly into lgbt and asexuals and bulldykes. bulldykes especially my best friend in high school she was a schizophrenic bipolar bulldyke with dyed hair. I love you schizos and i love you insane people and i love all you people who identify as motherfuckers and regular fuckers and fucks. I love all of you who feel guilt. I love you arabic languages. I love you faggots and dykes and trannies. I love you germanic languages. I love you Hamlet the Play. I love you act 1 hamlet. I love you bed that collapsed underneath me so much we had to nail every single board to my bed. I love you mom, i know you tried your best but you fucked up really badly. I love you mom. I love you dad, you weren't there to raise me, but you were there when my mom fucked up. I love you dad. I love you grandma. I love you weight of the world. I love you anxiety and I hope you calm down so that I can go outside more. I love you Fairy and I love you Sweetie and I love you Kittey. I love you Will Toledo for the ending of "The Ballad of the Costa Concordia". I love you Phil Elverum for making music, I hope I get to see you live some day, and I hope you get to raise your daughter without incident. I love you bed and I love you mattress and I love you both pillows that I have. I love you panties that i sleep in. I love you small comforts and the pains that make them powerful. I love you the person I'm writing this too. Even though you don't have a name or face to love I still love you. I love you the me I'm writing this too, even if you're constantly shifting and losing focus. I love you religion and I love you atheism. I love you Goodnight Moon. I love you to all the stories that inspire me as I write songs and poems and love letters, never at the start, but as I keep going. I love you community. I love you it/its users. I love you xe/xyr users. I love you noun/nounself users, variable pronouns are a fucking sick concept and I love when you stick exclusively to shit like pup/pupself. I love you me who used vom/vomit pronouns for shock value. I love you transmasc femboys and i love you masculine transgirls. we should use tomboy more often. I love you future me. I love you past me. I love you me. Amen.

#postivity #this is not a su*cide note i stg #I'm fine im happy im healthy and this post should be viewed as proof of that #did positivity #loveposting

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ericleo108 · 5 months

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Cosmic Luve May 2024 - The Tortured Poets Department

Necessary prerequisite posts:

108 The Story of Discovering Earth’s Consciousness (book)

Knhoeing 2020

Sentientism 2022

Cosmic Love Feb 2020 - Emma Watson

Cosmic Luve Oct 2022 - Folklore

Cosmic Luve Aug 2023 - Orange

Cosmic Luve Nov 2023 - Cosmic Bros

youtube

Intro

If this is your first post, here are the cliff notes to bring you up to speed. I have a voice in my head I think is the planet Earth and I wrote a book about it called “108 The Story of Discovering Earth’s Consciousness.” In the book I disclose the evidence of what and why I believe the Earth and stars are conscious due to their magnetism. Here on the blog, I assume the belief that the earth is conscious and is already trying to communicate. This cosmic luve log postulates that Gaia (the Earth) uses her magnetism for telepathy that highlights cognition between romantic prospects to guide evolution.

Where we left off…

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Well here is the new “Charlotte’s Web” track I mentioned last time. I never ended up getting a girlfriend. Besides that, there’s not really anything that carried over. These are the new coincidences.

Madam Web

In my book “108 The Story of Discovering Earth’s Consciousness” I talk about how a computer screen opened in my head when I was having a schizophrenic episode. I explain how it looked like a translucent computer desktop screen with chrome like browser that would play YouTube videos that would connect me to Madam Web who was the ruler of our sector of the universe.

I was reminded of this episode in my life after hearing about the new Apple Vision. I talk about it in the February 4th Kato & Wysh Sunday update but the new Apple vision is like schizophrenia on demand with controllable and programable auditory and visual hallucinations. The apple vision came out around the same time as the movie “Madam Web” hit theaters.

On February 22nd Selena Gomez dropped “Love on.” I don’t see much cosmic luve besides Selena’s blue flower hat that reminds me of Emma’s blue rose identifier that I talk about in my book “108.” Then on March 5th I watched Philip DeFranco (19:47) to find Astronomers discovered evidence of dark matter. As Phil would say in his segment “it may give you a vision of a spider god that spews dark matter” which I also talk about in the March 10 2024 Sunday Update. It’s notable for later that during my schizophrenic episode, Maddam Web was grooming Taylor to be her replacement/protege.

You can hear about the full story starting in the March 17 2024 Sunday Update, but I’m currently still looking for a female feature for my track “Be Mine.” The song is personal, about my struggle with schizophrenia and comic luve, and I need a female vocalist that can sound like an ancient greek siren. I though I had a candidate in Vee R but she turned-out to be outside my budget. Around the same time, Vee posted a picture of her with a dress on in a pool that reminded me of a mermaid. And ancient greek siren were thought to be mermaids.

Whale Talk

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Then on April 15th, Emma’s birthday, I read an article about how scientists had a conversation with a whale using AI. This is significant and also relates to my music because in “Praises,” which was released December 2023, I rap “We can't even communicate to plants, let alone dolphins. How are we going to talk to aliens or Earth even if we wanna?”

The whale conversation is an important step forward in understanding and cohabitating with other species on a planet with a dying Biosphere. This is also important because it's communication between two different entities or species with different linguistics. What if there are intelligent beings but we just haven’t figured out how to talk to them? What if there is a galactic federation?

Star Talk

When scientists first studied pulsar suns they thought it was a signal of intelligence from the pattern of the pulse. Then came August 15 1977 and the “wow” signal from a pulsar that you can read about on Wiki or the BBC. Again, my theory is I think the stars and planets with magnetism are conscious and telepathic and communicate through semantics. Given the context of this post. What if a star itself literally spoke to show its consciousness in 1977, and we have just dismissed it as interference because we don’t know how to listen to stars yet?

TTPD

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The most recent comic luve coincidence and the reason for this post is Taylor Swift’s “The Tortured Poets Department.” I have left the newest official track about Taylor just above in the post because it and my song “Reputation” will be important and necessary listening to understand the coincidences and mirroring between Taylor and my work.

The truth is I have already responded to Taylor in music. I made a song called “No Don’t Stop” that is a remix of Russ’s “That’s My Girl” (two days after their release) that I have left up on soundcloud that you can listen too. It’ll stay up until I get the money to remake the whole song and officially publish it.

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The following is a track-by-track breakdown of the semantic mirrors I see between Taylor and my work. I linked a Tiktok of TTPD easter eggs to give you an idea of how people interpret Taylor’s art. I do the same things. In general, Taylor’s mirroring to me is like the semantics of Gaia in that the coincidences are peppered across her album.

There are a couple songs that could be about me, one in particular (“Down Bad”), but most of the mirroring is spread across the work rather than concentrated. The references are scattered throughout the project. It’s like a communication puzzle. Selena’s “Love On” and her line “wait til I turn my love on,” for instance, makes more sense in light of this post and Taylor’s TTPD

Could it be

Remember, I think Gaia, the earth, is highlighting cognition affecting Taylor’s thoughts and behavior in order to use her as a vessel to communicate with me. The theory is Gaia does this pervasively and consistently across species to guide evolution. If this is happening to me, it is happening to others. I’m just telling my perspective

Back in 2017 I got upset because I didn’t understand Gaia the way I do today and couldn’t explain why I thought things in the media were reflecting my life. Basically the semantic reflections I will divulge have been happening since 2012. I started divulging my cosmic love theory and log in about 2021. So although the semantic coincidences have been happening for a decade and only made sense through internal cognition and my immediate environment, which is why it has to be Gaia; the mirroring could be manufactured coincidences intentional by Taylor making reference to my music and blog. Could be, but still probably not yet. Still, the fact is Taylor COULD be talking to me and making reference to my work because, as you can tell by the links, the references are all public and, as usual, timelined.

Fortnight

As the YouTube channel Signs and Symbols says, “Fortnight” might be in part based off the life of Clara bow who was an it girl in Hollywood in the 1920s who once had shock therapy for schizophrenia. There are a couple things that stand out immediately about the music video. First, the first time I ever heard the word fortnight was from Bo Burnham's “Art is dead.”

Second, there are at least semantic similarities between Taylor’s “Fortnight” Music video and Lady Gaga’s “You and I” and “Marry The Night” specifically the patient table and hospital scene respectively. This is significant because as I have exclaimed before, when all this started happening Lady Gaga was my first cosmic luve and I used to get semantics from her work then (specifically “You and I” and “Marry the Night”), just like I get semantics from Taylor now.

I will leave pictures up from the music video to show the semantics. In general, it seems like Taylor takes from “Marry the Night” in the beginning of “Fortnight’ and “You and I” at the end. Is the photo at 1:51 in “Fortnight,” is that the Orange-blue that I talked about in the Sept 2023 Bam post? And for some reason, 3:19 Reminds me of Maroon 5’s payphone.

The Torture Poets Department

This seems to be about propinquity and realizing “How are we gonna get close to each other?” Dillon and Patty fell in love because of propinquity. You are literally attracted to those in your geographic region, which is what propinquity is about.

I feel like Taylor is reflecting my song “Talk to Me.“ She talks about “who else decodes you?” at the end of the song. Honestly, if anybody would understand my Gaia theory, it would be Taylor with all the Easter eggs that she uses because Gaia is basically doing the same thing in the environment.

My boy only breaks his favorite toys

The hook seems like what I talked about in the “Cosmic luve brownies” official blog post. In it I admit I went against Taylor pretty hard when I was in the throes of schizophrenia and it’s one of those things where you destroy what you love.

Down bad

This track is surreal. I don’t know if I ever told this story, I probably did but it’s not up anymore. But when I was in my throes of schizophrenia I had a hallucination that Taylor was on an alien ship and I had to do what they told me to save her. She was on the ship, I was communicating telepathically, and had to find where they dropped her off. I spent a lot of time on the backroads of Michigan. But this song reminds me of that experience. Taylor literally says “Cosmic love” in this song. In “Cosmic Luve brownies” I say “Be the antithesis too bad” and in my single “Reputation” I say “fight me.” It’s like she Is fighting me for us where she’s “down bad” and “fuck you if I can’t have us.”

So long, London

This is definitely about Joe. It seems Taylor semantically recognizes blue with the line “You sacrifice us to the gods of your bluest days.”

But Daddy I love him

I don’t really see anything here really

Fresh out the slammer

I actually live right next to a jail. “ as I said, in my letters, now I know better, I will never lose my baby. “ is like me saying “Now that I know better I’ll never be off my medication again.”

Florida

It seems like Taylor is talking about how the South is criminalizing living, like things like books or abortion.

Guilty as sin

“What if he’s written mine on my upper thigh only in my mind” could be interpreted as “What if it’s really only me that knows he loves me” which given my fan size is pretty relatable. I have a theme of being pious to my cosmic luves and Taylor sings “ I choose you and me, religiously.” “I’m gonna get you back” sounds like “Gorgeous.”

Who is afraid a little old me?

Taylor’s lyrics:”So tell me, everything is not about me but what if it is? then say they didn’t do it to hurt me but what if they did?” I still agree with the first line and used to think like the second without medication.

I can fix him (No really I can)

This one is not about me

Loml

This is clearly about Joe

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart

This is clearly about killing her shows with a broken heart. If she did know who I was, it sounds like she broke up with Joe and was thinking about cosmic Love and knows I exist. Or, more likely, Gaia is affecting her subconscious again and influenced her lyrics to semantically reflect my work. It could also be because Taylor is a peer and so we’ll have a lot in common, so it seems like she is talking about me when it’s just coincidence. But that’s no fun, it’s a lot cooler to think those coincidences are love that was guided by divine intervention.

The smallest man that ever lived

This is clearly about how Joe hurt her at least I hope I didn’t hurt her this bad

Alchemy

Remember the original mixtape was the Chalice mixtape where it was a fantasy that I met Taylor Swift, did business with Marcus Lemonis, and ended up with Emma Watson. This reminds me of my first post which was about Emma Watson. In it, I showed the semantics I received from her. Check out the Dec 2023 Deer post for the latest, but basically, my identifier was signified by a yellow “e”

Taylor has the lyrics “but this time with an “e.” She says “Ditch the clowns get the crown” and I rap “I prepped a seat upon her thrown” in “Reputation.” And alchemy turns things gold or yellow.

Clara bow

What does dazzling mean? I feel like it has a deeper meaning. A blue rose was Emma’s signifier. If Taylor is doing this on purpose she is leaning into Emma being a cosmic luve too with the lyrics “(2:37) beauty is a beast that roars, I’m on all fours, demanding more.”

Black dog

Reminds me of the cardigan beat

Imgonnagetyouback

This has the the same feel as “Down Bad” with the wavy sound. It has that theme of fighting me. Taylor says “You were never not mine” and “say you got somebody I’ll say I got someone to” which reminds me of “Alchemy.” And it’s like she’s gonna get back at me for getting angry at her while schizophrenic

The Albatross

This seems like the message of love can be dangerous.

Marcus

This is what I’m saying semantics and peppered in. This song has the name Marcus. The Chalice Mixtape was about how I met Taylor, did business with Marcus (Lemonis), and ended up with Emma. I also have an underground demo on SoundCloud called “Cary, Charlotte, or Mary”

How did it end

No coincidences

So high school

Taylor sings “I know Aristotle. Brand new, full throttle” Aristotle's academy was called the Lyceum. My record company is called Lyceum Recordz. In my remix of “loyal” on the chalice mixtape I rap

“I hope I left you shocked like cardiac arrest

Humbled by the wonder of Charlottes web

Engine run’n stifled, You my idol, make it rev

Stumble’n through wonderland with Alice in my head”

I hate it here

If you follow me long enough you’ll find I’m disillusioned by America’s governmental and economic system and think the government's disability rules are ridiculous. Basically I can’t have a normal life because my labor power is exploited for healthcare. Or in other words, I can’t work for it like I talk about in the April 21st 2024 Sunday update. This is part of a larger problem with inequality in America that you can read at FarmingHumans.com or by watching this video about “Why America is a piece of shit.”

Taylor (or Gaia) is basically saying “I hear you” to my disgruntlement. With my Sunday Update I look like a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy. “Fiense” intentionally rhymes with finance, and I am a poet of sorts

Thank you aimee

I’ve heard the theories and this is about Kim and how north is gonna come home rocking Taylor. This shows Taylor does change names in any defining clues when making songs about people.

I look in peoples windows

The “now now now” (at 1:20) has the “now now now” vibes from Halsey’s “Now or Never.” This reminds me of being schizophrenic and how I used to look for Gaga and Taylor in New York or Emma and Selena in LA. She’s saying she looks in people's windows which is the same as saying “I see you everywhere.” Then says, “Does it feel all right to not know me? I’m addicted to that if only.”

The prophecy

It’s an interesting choice of track order with the last track being so schizophrenic. What if I’m “E?” And it plays out like fools in a fable.

Cassandra

This is about Kanye

Peter

This reminds me of the goal of my music which is to become financially free so I can afford to chase my cosmic luves

The bolter

This reminds me of how I referred to Taylor as the “ice queen” in my “reputation” track

Robin

I feel like this of inspired by Robin Williams and the dead poet's society.

The manuscript

I feel this entire album is about this song. It kinda feels like a cleansing or recovery and at the end, when she’s recovered, the story isn’t just mine anymore. I feel like it’s kinda a love song to her fans. She makes a show on a manuscript but by the time it’s done, you remember it totally different. Maybe that’s what cosmic love is like…

#rap #hiphop #new music #youtube #hip hop #taylor swift #the tortured poets department #eric leo 108 #cosmic luve #love #Youtube

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fredborges98 · 1 year

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"Every day he lectured me, "Look at the mess I'm in. If I ever catch you smoking, you'll be sorry, drinking even a glass of booze because you'll like it too much." ... Freddy Trump did a good job."Donald Trump

By: Fred Borges

Narcisismo and political study areas.

What does really matters?

Lula da Silva( Brazil) George W. Bush( USA),Vladimir Putin ( Russia).Common pitfalls of narcissism's traps.

Extremely self-centered with an exaggerated sense of self-importance : marked by or characteristic of excessive admiration of or infatuation with oneself. a narcissistic personality.

Social power is irresistibly appealing to narcissistically disturbed personalities. Uninhibited egocentricity, career obsession, a winning mentality and fantasies of grandeur - the narcissist employs these traits to clear the way through the corridors of economic and political power.

"Blinded by his fantasies of grandeur and omnipotence, the narcissist loses his grasp on social reality and necessarily fails in the end.

It is closely related to this loss of reality that the leader turns away from the norms, values and ideals to which he should actually be committed.

Obsession with power, unscrupulousness and cynicism can give rise to brutal misanthropy.

A masterpiece of political psychology, in which the age of abnormal narcissism." Norbert Copray, Dr. phil.

Hans-Jürgen Wirth has reached the stage at which a general psychology of politics can be established. This step had been indispensable. Paul Parin (1916 2009), M.D., psychoanalyst in Zurich, International Sigmund Freud Award of Vienna.

To better understand our political leaders is to better understand our political leaders is to better understand ourselves, and humanitys chances for survival.

In this extraordinary book, Hans-Jürgen Wirth explores the impact of narcissism on how political power is exercised. Scholarly, insightful, passionate, and beautifully illustrated, this book challenges us to take a hard look at the characters of those we choose as our leaders.

"It affirms that psychoanalysis can make vital contributions to our comprehension of political processes." Sandra Buechler, Ph.D., is training and supervising analyst at the William Alanson White Institute in New York.

People usually think of “high self-esteem” as optimal. However, esteem that relies on others’ opinion is not self-esteem, but “other-esteem.”

Believing that unrealistic and other-dependent self-esteem is unhealthy and prefer to describe self-esteem as either healthy or imor- impaired.

Impaired self-esteem leads to defensiveness, interpersonal and professional problems, and with narcissists, aggression as well.

Ranking narcissists’ self-esteem high is misleading, due to the fact it’s generally inflated and unrelated to objective reality.

Additionally, it’s fragile and easily deflated.

Healthy self-esteem is stable and not so reactive to the environment.

It’s non-hierarchical and not based on feeling superior to others.

Nor is it associated with aggression and relationship problems, but the reverse. People with healthy self-esteem aren’t aggressive and have fewer relationship conflicts.

They’re able to compromise and get along.

According to the American Psychiatric Association DSM-IV, everything so far described these three leaders temperament and reported behavior would classify them as schizophrenics due to his aggressive, violent behavioral displays combined with an essentially withdrawn, sexually dysfunctional personality.

Profiles closely seems to match a schizophrenic paranoid type with delusions of grandeur and persecution.

Analysts who have studied over the decades generally agree with this diagnosis of schizophrenia for them.

According to the Freud (1940/1964) and his theory on personality, he suggested that our personalities were our way of interacting with the world.

He referenced 3 personality types (schemas) found within every person as being: (1) Erotic, (2) Obsessive, and (3) Narcissistic. Regarding these three specific personalities, Freud’s theory would label Lula da Silva as being a clear example of the Narcissistic type, yet who at the same time displayed features of the Obsessive and Erotic personality type.

A narcissistic personality, according to Freud, is the self-defining and/or self-directed type who alone will decide for themselves what is right and wrong, and what values are appropriate to hold.

He makes note that narcissists are not to be confused with egoists because they are, in fact, set apart from one another in that an egotist takes no interest in putting forth the efforts narcissists do to impress others. Instead, egoists insist on constantly highlighting to others their actual accomplishments.

Lastly, Freud emphasizes a narcissist’s single-minded vision is his most important feature, explaining that someone of this personality type chooses not to take into consideration what others say or do because he is so focused on pursuit of his own vision. (Freud, S. 1940/1964).

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cherrybombfangirl · 1 year

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Meet Indy Ride - an OC Intro

Name (full): Cindy Marie Ride

Other names: Indy, Firefly

Fandom/Appears In: Marvel/Agents of SHIELD, appears in seasons 2-8

Age: 15 (Season 2), 16 (Season 3-4), 17 (Season 5-6), 18 (Season 7)

Birthdate: Unknown

Zodiac Sign: Taurus

Personality: quiet but not shy, mischievous lil’ shit, kind of twisted imagination, everyone’s little sister, very emotional and opinionated, goofball, will fite you

Gender ID: She's honestly not sure, likes She/Her pronouns

Sexuality: Thinks she might be bisexual

Hair: Light brown, usually in a braid or ponytail until Daisy cuts and dyes it for her in Season 6

Eyes: Hazel

Skin: On the paler side

Faceclaim: Amelia Zadro

Identifying Features: thin white scar along jawline on the left side, light brown birthmark across abdomen

Combat skills: SHIELD training- hand-to-hand and combat shooting training, Inhuman abilities

Supernatural abilities: Thermal manipulation- she can manipulate her body temperature to extreme temperatures and burn or freeze whatever she touches. She is also unaffected by extreme temperatures and temp. based injuries, and has weak thermal vision later on

Disabilities: Schizophrenic, anxiety disorder, selectively mute due to trauma, CPTSD

History/Background:

Indy was found at a HYDRA base (about early/mid Season 2) by SHIELD agents; Agent Morse, Agent May, Agent Coulson, Agent Johnson, and Agent Hunter. According to her and HYDRA data, she had been there ever since she was 2-3 yrs old or as long as she could remember, as a lab rat for HYDRA’s experiments (they did not find any additional information on her, her family or where she was from). The agents who found her brought her back to SHIELD HQ, and after about six months of rehabilitation and therapy (and learning basic words/sign language), she joined SHIELD as a field agent.

The only clue they had to who she was was a scraggly teddy bear with a faded name written on it's foot- Daisy could make out the name Indy, so that's what they called her.

It was quickly discovered after her rescue that she had supernatural abilites- the ability to alter and manipulate her body heat to extreme temperatures, and even project it out of her own body. She has since learned to control her abilities and use them in combat situations.

Relationships: Daisy Johnson (big sister figure), Elena “Yo-Yo” Rodriguez (close friend), Jemma Simmons (close friend), Melinda May, Leopold “Fitz” Fitz, Phil Coulson, Bobbi Morse, Alphonzo “Mack” Mackenzie (friends/adoptive family), Unknown biological family (deceased)

Aliases: SHIELD (Field Operative), Inhuman (by HYDRA experimentation), Firefly (Call Sign/Alias)

Additional Notes/Facts:

loves astronomy and Superman comics

Daisy was the first person to encourage her and train her while being gentle and not pushing her beyond her limits, and since Indy reminds Daisy so much of herself, they have an unbreakable sister bond

So Daisy became her main Supervising Officer and unofficial big sister

they spend most of their free time together, and if one is having a rough night they go stay in the other’s quarters and the two have a sleepover

Daisy will ruffle Indy’s hair and get a whined “Daisyyyy” out of Indy as she bats her hand away

they playfully tease and bicker like cats and like sisters before long and are inseparable

Daisy is, according to Mack and Coulson, a “bad influence” on Indy

they casually call each other bitch or asshole a lot (much to Coulson’s dismay), Daisy also calls her “little shit” or “little hellspawn” and Indy calls her “big asshole”

Indy loves stealing Daisy’s clothes even tho she’s half Daisy’s size, especially jackets and beanies. Daisy pretends that it’s annoying but she secretly loves it

“whoa whoa whoa- where did you learn those kinds of words? No no no, you will watch your goddamn fucking lang- Ohhhh…” ~Daisy to Indy at some point

Indy becomes a fan of punk rock music and fashion because of Daisy’s influence

has a deep love for Chinese food, especially egg rolls and dumplings

she and Daisy leave takeout boxes all over the base/Zephyr and it drives the others up the wall

She also loves pizza with pepperoni peppers olives bacon and onions

Fanfic: When Angels Fall (coming... eventually)

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forgetmenotblues · 1 year

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52 in 52 2022

It is a fact universally recognised that the best time to do your book roundup for the year is 4 months into the next year

I kept not getting round to it,then I watched loads of good movies and was gonna do them but I want to stop procrastinating this so I can always edit those in

2022 Books

1)Harrow the Ninth, Tamsyn Muir

This was utterly fantastic. Or at least it was once I googled “should I have any idea what’s going on?” and was reassured that no, no I should not. For some reason I only seem to read the Locked Tomb books when I’m on night shifts, and these books are hard enough to keep up with without being sleep deprived. The book is split into two sections, one of which is a retelling of book 1 but with the main character changed, and one is in second person, with the protagonist being traumatised, lobotomised, schizophrenic, and haunted. There’s murder via soup, there’s a threesome with God, there’s a DIFFERENT threesome with God in which I think every participant is at least 2 or 3 different identities… The Necromancer God Emperor of the Universe makes a None pizza with left beef joke… this book has it all. The ever-ramping up pace where you cannot stop reading because the entire last third is one long ever increasing climax (phrasing) reminds me a lot of Terry Pratchett, just queer and Goth and Kiwi.

2)A Practical Guide to Conquering the World, KJ Parker

The third in the loose trilogy starting with 16 ways to defend a walled city. Similarly quasi-Roman historical fantasy with an amoral con artist getting so out of their depth they end up having to conquer the world in order to stay ahead of the heat… you know what you’re getting with a KJ Parker book. Honestly this one didn’t do it as much for me, I think because I binged KJ Parker in 2021 and when every book is similar it works better reading one per year or so… still an utterly enjoyable read.

3)Fellowship of the Ring

Yeah it’s this pretty indie fantasy series, you probably haven’t heard of it… I went with an audiobook this time around, by Phil Dragash. He uses background music from the Peter Jackson films and models the voices on the actors, while doing the full unabridged novels. It’s a great approach to capture the cinematic feeling of the films with the beauty and complexity of the books. Shockingly enough, an unauthorised audiobook using unauthorised film soundtrack is not legal, so if you want to check this out, archive.org hosts a full version just to teach you the error of your ways.

4)Graham Greene – Destructors and Other Short Stories

I really really thought Graham Greene did like… fun thrillers, kind of James Bond-esque… no idea where I got that from. This was a collection of pretty morose stories, but utterly compelling. There was a very charming post-apocalyptic one with kids gathering blackberries and coming across the wreck of a ship from the before times, there was a very weird kind of dark Narnia story about a man going to his childhood home and finding that the vast forest he remembers getting lost in was actually a small patch of brush, the vast lake he remembers sailing across is basically a muddy pond etc… but then starts to find evidence his more fantastical adventures might have been true. May We Borrow Your Husband is a pretty fantastic, if deeply sad, story about repressed homosexuality in the early 20th century, The Destructors is utterly heart-breaking. Annoyingly, the version I had from the library cut off the ends of some stories, so I had to go hunting for the last few sentences.

5)Invisible Man, HG Wells

I always feel a bit of a prat when I read well known, widely agreed upon classics and go “oh wow, this is actually pretty great, has anyone heard of this… Shakespeare guy?” Well here I am again, having just discovered HG Wells. You’re welcome. I absolutely adored War of the Worlds in 2021, Invisible Man isn’t quite as good, but that’s just because of the very high bar. The whole story is set around my neck of the woods, and the depiction of Sussex folk as a bit simple, but utterly intractable reads incredibly true. There’s also this oddly charming balance between the genuine horror of the idea of a violent man wanting to kill you and how hard it would be to defend yourself if he’s invisible, vs the slightly tongue in cheek way that the invisible man declares himself king of the world, but is consistently laid low by obstacles like… gravel.

6) The Time Machine, HG Wells

Another absolute banger. - a quote I expect to see on the cover of the next edition of the Time Machine. This one I had a predisposition to liking, beyond my growing love of HG Wells, as I often feel I might be the only person in the world who watched, and loved, the early 2000's film adaptation. This is another of those early genre books where it just has such fun with what was at the time a completely novel concept. In a hard to define synesthesia type way, this story is the feeling of walking barefoot on the grass.

7)The Two Towers, Tolkien

It’s very hard to judge, but this might be my favourite book of the trilogy (I know, not a book, not a trilogy etc etc). The Treason of Isengard is utterly fantastic, and probably has the most fun in the whole of Tolkien’s work just bouncing around and introducing us to new places and peoples. The Ring Goes East has yet more fantastic setting and characters, and “Frodo was alive, but taken by the enemy” is one of the strongest cliff-hangers I’ve ever seen.

8)Return of the King, Tolkien

There just isn't much to say about LoTR that hasn't been said a million times before. Its absolutely wonderful. I enjoyed reading this around the time of year it's set, there's a strong seasonal theme I'd never picked up before.

9,10,11) The Blade Itself, Before They’re Hanged, and Last Argument of Kings

I’ve combined these three because they it's very much a story in three parts trilogy. I'd always heard Joe Abercrombie dismissed as straightforward shallow grimdark, so I was blown away by this trilogy. It's a fantastic series, some incredible characters. Spoilers - the overall theme is basically what if gandalf was evil, manipulating the world over his incredibly long life, for the greater good. I adore Jezal as an utterly slimy character propped up as a fantasy hero for the sake of a figurehead, and Logan Ninefingers is the richest take on the wandering badass wolverine type character I've seen. I read these ones mostly on psych night shifts, which were lovely for snug on call rooms and long uninterrupted hours.

12) A Game of Thrones

Again, what is there to say that hasn't been said 8 million times. I run an ASOIAF art blog for crying out loud. So this time I'll just comment on the edition I read - the beautiful folio edition. Very luxuriant, very lovely, though I will admit having a separate map instead of it being in the book itself was kind of frustratingly unwieldy.

13) Elric of Melniboné

One of the big classics of fantasy I've always meant to check out. Sadly so far the most compelling part of the collection has been the Neil Gaiman short story used as an introduction! I do enjoy the stories, they just tend to drag a little in the middle. I think the best way I can put it is that if a story says there will be a quest to 7 dungeons, most will either have a twist or a montage after dungeon 3 or 4, so as to not just repeat the same structure the whole time... Elric stories will give you all 7. Theres a lot of great imagery and it reads very well.

14) Redwall

A classic from my childhood I felt like revisiting. It holds up incredibly well, a nice mix of cutesy woodland creatures having supper with very genuine medieval warfare. It reads like a much older book than it is, and I think the reason is that Matthias is a very classical, almost Nietzchean hero - he's not the hero because he's meek or humble, he's the hero because he's competent, well-liked, and, when he needs to be, utterly ruthless and bloodthirsty.

15) The Red Knight, Miles Cameron

I had really mixed feelings on this one. On the one hand, it's got some incredibly rich worldbuilding, some great Byronic characters, and the author is a world renowned medieval sword fighter and clearly knows his stuff. On the other hand, they mention in the afterword it was inspired by roleplaying campaigns and I think that shows - a lot of fights for the sake of fights that could have been condensed.

16) Art of Garry Gianni

A fantastic artist who does a lot of ASOIAF artwork. He goes for a very picture-book illustrative style that makes the books feel like a half remembered childhood memory of reading tales of king arthur. He also has a lot of more realistic medieval work ie silly looking hats and hosiery, which does a good job of balancing out the all black leather of the tv show.

17) A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms

Clearly I was inspired by the GG artbook!

Lovely as always.

18) The Count of Monte Cristo

Every year, I make great progress in reading lots of books in winter, then as spring starts I get cocky and take on a mammoth book that takes me months. This was this years. I listened to a CC audiobook, which was fantastic, but I only saw 4 parts out of the actual total of 6, so underestimated the overall length. I will say, I thought he was gonna have to really rush his revenge! Again, a hard novel to say anything new about - I loved it. Every single time I read a revenge story I think "I want them all to suffer, I'll never learn that people are complex and revenge ends up hurting innocents and view it in a more nuanced way" and then whaddya know?! I was fairly enjoying it as an "old timey novels ramble a bit sometimes, maybe paid by the word*", but at the end the elements all come back together in a way that gave me chills as I began to see not a word had been wasted.

*I did have a drinking game for every time the exact same life-long description of one character was given, about half a dozen times in one chapter and a few times after. It felt like oral tradition type storytelling.

19) The Hero, Dreamsongs

Okay this is clearly where I panicked about CoMC slowing me down so much and counted short stories as separate. Cheating? Maybe, but the stakes could not be lower. I've bounced off of Dreamsongs a few times as it opens with stories GRRM wrote when he was literally about 6. Which is fascinating from an archival kind of perspective, but doesn't make for the best reads. This is the first of his actually published works, it's about a grizzled space marine type ready to finally retire from the war and see the earth he's been fighting for, who then gets killed by the brass because he's too dangerous to ever actually go back to earth, then written up as a war hero killed in action for further propaganda. Its solid stuff, nothing world shattering, although GRRM did send it in as evidence for his conscientious objector application, so maybe it did change the world!

20) Last Exit to San Breta, Dreamsongs

Basically the question of what would happen to ghost cars in a world where technology has rendered cars obsolete. Again, not revolutionary but very well written.

21) The Second Kind of Loneliness, Dreamsongs

Before each group of stories in dreamsongs, GRRM does a bit of a retrospective. He describes this one as where he really got started and some of his finest work... I dint know if it was just the raised expectations, but it was probably my least favourite. Similar to Moon in some ways, it has someone working at a hyperspace gate counting down to the supply ship coming to relieve him, then panicking as it misses the deadline. As his mental state declines we learn he took this lonely job out of building anxiety after a romantic rejection, and eventually that this panic caused him to destroy the supply ship before the story started and reset his memory, and that this loop may have happened before. Which has some good bones, especially as a parable of incels and the internet, but it does have some feelings of nice guy-ness that isn't just the narrator but the story itself.

22) With Morning Comes Mistfall

On the other hand, I loved this one, which I get the impression is not the most highly rated. Essentially there's a holiday resort planet, it's got pretty lovely mountains and forests, but its main draw is rumours of spectral ghost-like beings. Scientists come to investigate, find that it's all bullshit, people stop coming and the resort fails. It sounds pretty humdrum, and relies on the "mean scientist dislikes enthusiasm and imagination" trope which I hate, but it really sells the love the resort host has for his planet, and the heartbreak of his passion being destroyed. Again in a post internet world, the idea that the planet has beautiful mountains, forests, and seas, but no one would visit for just those because there are planets with perfect sea, perfect mountains, or perfect forests feels very powerful.

23) Song for Lya, Dreamsongs

Another one where high expectations maybe hurt it a bit. A very solid fantasy story about the question of would you go into a state of permanent absolute bliss where you achieve nothing, or stay in real life with ups and downs... or as philosophers call it, the box full of porn and nitrous problem. It was absolutely good, but I've often heard it cited by ASOIAF fans as the best thing ever and it just... wasnt, for me.

24) Tower of Ashes, Dreamsongs

This one fell fairly flat. Quite nice guy-ish in a not fully intentional way, quite intriguing setting but not especially explored.

25) 7 times never kill man, Dreamsongs

This might be my favourite of the lot. Scary space marine death religion comes up against little ewok type creatures, the protagonist tries to train the ewoks up, 7 samurai style, and then... the ewoks/ the planet-wide consciousness is able to manipulate the death cult religion into becoming a suicide cult, and possibly every religion in the galaxy was seeded by this planet as an immune response style defence against potential attackers? If I'm remembering right? Genuinely creepy and haunting, I kept mulling this one over for a long long time. This is basically the gritty reboot of James Cameron's Avatar, way ahead of time.

26) Stone City, Dreamsongs

Another that didnt massively work for me, nothing terrible and some cool concepts, but just didnt really spark anything for me personally.

27) Bitterblooms, Dreamsongs

Another major contender for my favourite of the collection. A LOT of ASOIAF DNA in this one, with decade long winters roamed by the undead, X of House Y titles, a lot of familiar names. The story itself has a sort of twisted Doctor Who plot, a person from the ASOIAF-esque planet finds a spaceship, and is seemingly whirled around the galaxy on an adventure but can only look out the window from within the ship, eventually it turns out the ship is broken down and hasn't moved, and they were just watching record logs on the windows.

28) Princess and Mr Whiffle, Patrick Rothfuss

I took a break from Dreamsongs to read... a short story by an acclaimed fantasy author with a long delayed finale to their subversive fantasy epic! This is a fun book, with a good reading by Rothfuss on youtube, I'd thoroughly recommend. It seems like a slightly dark childrens story, then turns out to be a very dark regular story. It's worth watching the youtube reading as he also explains his thought process, honestly it's made me a little less optimistic regarding kkc as it has a slight vibe of a "technically I didnt lie to you" twist...

29) Interview with a Vampire, Anne Rice

I've spent a good part of my life goth-adjacent, I grew up on Buffy and have a real love for all things vampire, so this was always on my horizon. I was put off by Anne Rices whole... vibe online, and everything I heard about "well by book 17, it's mostly about the war between the Atlanteans and Hell". I cant speak for any of that, but the first book was everything its hyped up to be. Lovely slow moody southern gothic. From everything I know about Anne Rice's personal politics, I do wonder if shes one of those authors who sort of backed into being a queer icon by trying to depict the worst thing she could imagine, that being just... a queer relationship.

30) Hamnet, Maggie O'Farrell

This was one of those very book club type books you see everywhere for a while... I didn't love it. The idea is to tell the #feministretelling of Shakespeare's life by focusing on his wife, and what she went through when their son Hamnet died and he wrote a play called Hamlet. The issues are: a) it buys into the whole witchy cottagecore vibe with Anne Hathaway being pretty explicitly descended from the Fair Folk and having magic healing powers, which I think shoots the whole 'women were an important part of history and deserve to have their stories told' stone dead, as it suggests said stories are so boring they need literal elf magic to make them worth telling; and b) that it still fundamentally fails in that I spent most of the book going "wonder what old Billy boy's up to" the scraps we get of him are way more interesting.

31) Sherlock Holmes, The Empty House

The other big short story selection I read this year - most of the SH bibliography. I didnt realise until starting out that the vast majority of SH was short stories, and there were only 4 full length novels. The only one I'd read prior was Hound of the Baskervilles. I'll touch on the stories briefly then give a longer wrap up.

Not sure why I started with this one, it's the one where SH comes back to life after the Reichanbach falls. I don't know if there was a lower bar for what counted as mysterious back then, but basically: the guy is found with a bullet in his head in a locked room. The window is open. No one heard a shot. It turns out... he was shot through the window with a silencer. Like... I get ACD was practically writing under duress, but it feels pretty fucking phoned in.

32) SH, The Devils Foot

Again, the mystery here is: 3 people are found in a room, 2 insane and 1 dead, having been left perfectly well. The solution: theres a magical mushroom from Darkest Africa™ that makes people insane or die when burned and inhaled. I don't know if I'm coming at SH with the wrong attitude, but I continued to find the 'mysteries' pretty underwhelming. This one gets 1 bingo point for 'never previously described technology/item from The Colonies™ that solves the whole mystery but has never previously been established" (see the silenced air gun in the empty house actually), but also wins a point for "Sherlock decides the murderer is a pretty legit dude and just let's him go".

33) SH Abbey Grange

Another with the "Sherlock decides the murderer is a pretty legit dude and just let's him go" plot - honestly my favourite part of reading Sherlock Holmes, and very interesting to compare to modern copoganda shows with their "cool motive, still murder" attitude, especially as so many police procedural end with "well, you were right to fight against the wildly unjust system, but you did a crime so we have to arrest you. Deal with the unjust system? Nah, not my department mate "

34) SH The Speckled Band

The mystery: 2 heiresses live with their evil uncle. One dies in the room next to his, her last words "the speckled band". The other is moved into the same room and fears she'll be killed next. Sherlock finds that the bed is bolted in place directly under a vent joining to the uncle's room. It turns out the uncle pushed a venomous snake through the vent.

That's not a fucking mystery!!! I'm not even a big whodunnit person, but if you have heiresses killed, obviously their last living relative is doing it. Also the story spends the whole time telling you he's evil through details like "he let's romani travellers stay on his land"... oh yeah, this story hella racist. So maybe it's not meant to be a whodunnit but more of a howdunnit... except the second you hear "she died in the room next to his, then he moved me to that room, and theres a vent in the adjoining wall"... there's no mystery! The snake is a nice orientalist touch, but wouldn't be fundamentally different to evil mushroom gas or anything else. Incidentally she said "the speckled band", describing the drake's characteristic feature, as her last words instead of "uncle murdered me" or "snake vent, beware!" because [explanation not found].

It also gets a bingo point for "needlessly dark John Watson framing device that renders the whole story pointless" - it opens with "I can now tell this story because the last living person involved in it is now dead" - the sister they saved is the only survivor, so I guess after all that she just got his by a fuvking bus or something.

So at this point I thought, boy, this is unfortunate, 64 sherlock holmes stories, of course there would be some stinkers, what are the odds I'd exclusively pick them. So i looked it up. The speckled band is considered the best sherlock holmes story, ACDs favourite, critically acclaimed. At this point, it's safe to say I'm just not clicking with Sherlock Holmes.

35) Meathouse Man, Dreamsongs

In a dystopian future, neural mindlinks are used to make corpses into cheap labour, with one person puppeteering several corpses in dangerous environments. The corpses are also used as sex workers.

So yeah, it's pretty nasty. It's got some great dystopian imagery of giant industrial machines strip mining whole planets, and it Mark's the point where GRRM starts to really interrogate some of his nice guy-isms into dark, insightful takes on toxic masculinity.

36) Hound of the Baskervilles

As I said, this was the only SH I'd previously read, and I remembered it being pretty good! That had been when I was a kid, and all these short stories had sucked so bad... was I just misremembering? Fortunately, no! HotB is exactly what you want from a Sherlock Holmes story, great setting, cast of possible suspects all of whom are more than they appear... this is one of those cases where the best known work is best known for a reason.

37) A Study in Scarlet, SH

Decided to see if it was just a case of SH novels > short stories, and read the first novel. The first half or so is pretty classic SH fare, with a London murder, mysterious clues written in blood, footprint analysis etc etc and then... the entire 2nd half of the novel is a fucking western. We get the whole life story of a guy in a wagon train, sets up a life with Mormons, gets hunted down by murderous mormon death squads... and then in the last 2 pages, we jump back to London with a "and that's why he murdered this guy". Love it. I genuinely checked a few times to make sure I hadnt got a messed up copy of the book spliced with Mormon Murder Cowboys.

38) Arthur and the Seeing Stone, Kevin Crossley-Holland

The first of a wonderful trio of arthurian novels. They contrast the mythological arthur with a historically accurate young noble called Arthur in ~1200, with parallels between the mythological arthur and his counterpart that serve to highlight the historical context for the arthurian mythos and why these stories mattered to people. They're ostensibly childrens books and I first read them as a kid, but there's a lot of value to an adult reread.

39) The Final Problem, SH

The one where ol Holmes-y dies. Its shocking the extent to which ACD was clearly just ready to be done. Sherlock pops up, says "btw all of our cases were masterminded by an evil genius, I've never mentioned him before but he's so bad that it wouldnt be the worst thing if I died fighting him" and then whaddya know! It's very fun to me because I remember the trend of superhero comics killing off their heroes and the exact same writing tropes were in play - I've never mentioned this before but I have a really ultra mega serious nemesis.

40) Valley of Fear, SH

Another of the full length Holmes novels, and weirdly enough has the same structure - half a pretty standard SH mystery, second half a shockingly long largely unrelated story in America that leads to a 2 page "and that led into this mystery" denouement. It also has Moriarty awkwardly shoehorned into the story to retcon him into being a serious threat, which it does by some other top class SH bingo tropes - Watsons narration ending with "oh btw, the characters of this story fell off a ship like 4 months later".

41) Elric, Fortress of the Pearl - Moorcock

I'm starting to worry Elric might just not be for me. Theres some fun stuff in here, and a very conan-esque vibe. The issues are that of the 2 I've read, Elric is such a powerful character that the only route to drama is having him be suicidal apathetic until he's almost done for, then suddenly snapping to and fighting back out of the abyss. Secondly, I've mentioned before that Moorcock is not one to cut corners. There are 7 or 9 or 12 magical dream realms described to traverse, so he traverses them each in turn. There's no deviation from this pattern once its planned out, just plodding on through.

42) Beyond the Deepwoods, Paul Stewart & Chris Riddell

The 1st of the Edge Chronicles, a series I read piecemeal bits of when I was a kid and always stayed with me. Extremely creative and grotesque, with lots of bulbous and oozing creatures brought to life by Riddells signature style. This first book has a very fairytale structure with the protagonist essentially running into some new creature each chapter and escaping by the skin of his teeth. This gives it a lovely simplicity, the later books get a bit more into fantasy worldbuilding which has pros and cons.

43) Smoke and Mirrors, Neil Gaiman

Collection of short stories, if I was being consistent these should be separate like the GRRM and Sherlock Holmes ones but it's my list. Also some of these were like 2 pages and I couldn't justify counting that to myself.

Chivalry - one of Gaimans best known, a little old lady finds the grail at a charity shop, Galahad tries to get it off her. I liked it more this time around, but I still find the old lady a bit too mean.

The disappearance of miss finch - this is one my favourite of the many many Gaiman stories of "you go to a circus/magic show and it turns out to be real" - this one gets the balance of the person "deserving" it better, and a pleasant impression they're happier for it after all.

Bay Wolf - probably my favourite of the collection. Beowulf as a futuristic noir detective episode of baywatch. Grendel is a steroid junkie called Grand Al. Top notch stuff.

Murder Mysteries - another fantastical noir detective story, this time about an angel created to solve the first murder. Manages to combine classic noir elements with theological questions shockingly deftly.

Snow Glass Apples - one of my absolute favourite Gaiman stories. Theres a tumblr post that makes the rounds every few years about "hey snow white is deathly pale with ruby red lips and spends a long time seemingly dead in a coffin before waking... vampire?" and every time I dutifully comment that this exact story exists and is fantastic.

44 Stormchaser

Book 2 of the deepwoods books, this is where the series turns more towards steampunk fantasy worldbuilding. On the plus side, this is fascinating well written world, on the other... it's pretty fucking grim. Which is weird to say about a series written for children, but its genuinely quite depressing. Poverty, exploitation, mutilation etc... I had to take a break after this trilogy as there was a repeating pattern of introducing a likeable memorable crew of misfits and outcasts, then killing them all off one by one.

45 Midnight over Sanctphrax

This one is less grim in itself, but it ends with a "and the adventure continues" hook, and I remember from the sequel books that it continues into misery, despair, and most of the cast dying of dysentery. Again - grim!

46) Into The Narrowdark, Tad Williams

Book 3 of the new Osten Ard series. One of the best fantasy books I've read since ASOIAF. There was a part where I couldn't stop reading until I discovered one characters fate, even though that was about 400 pages. There was a reveal that made me swear at the book and walk away, just to come straight back.

47) This is How You Lose the Time War

A very fun short novel about opposite agents of battling time travelling agencies who start to write each other encoded gloating messages (encoded in the rings of wood of a tree one agent will cut down to build Genghis Khans trebuchets to change history, for example), and gradually fall in love. Very poetic and beautifully written.

48) Fire and Blood, GRRM

Gave this one another read, inspired by how much I enjoyed HotD. I think the first read I went in with very low expectations which gave it an edge, this time around I knew it wouldnt be terrible so less of a pleasant surprise and I noticed more of the... issues. That said, HotD showed me how some of the seemingly flat characters can actually be rich and nuanced. One in particular I wonder about is Jahaerys, who makes a lot of sense as a potentially great person with rot at the foundations - if he knows that at some level he only has power by usurping his cool lesbian sister, all his misogyny makes sense as a retroactive justification. Because honestly on this reread, he seemed like a Shittier dude than Maegor.

49) Fairy Tale, Stephen King

A take on the Narnia style portal fantasy by the one and only Stephen King. This was a thoroughly enjoyable read, not necessarily a world shaking masterpiece but recaptured the feeling of being a kid and getting utterly engrossed in a story. You can definitely tell Kings age by how he writes his teenage protagonist - he conveniently only watches the classic movie channel so can only quote films from Kings reference pool, there's some pretty realistic sections of him doing home repair by watching youtube videos but keeps calling it The Tube... its very sweet and endearing. As is classic with King, he's so good at writing day to day life you almost dont want the fantasy elements to start, but once they do they're so fun you wished they'd shown up sooner.

50) Arthur at the Crossing Place

Book 2 of the seeing stone trilogy. The trilogy is fairly classic 2 part trilogy, with part 1 working as a very standalone novel, while part 2 is mostly set up for part 3. However, theres a lot of good material, lovely prose, and well worth reading.

51) Dracula (daily) Bram Stoker

A certified 2022 phenomenon. This was a huge amount of fun, parcelling out Dracula chronologically, letting a whole fandom form, having dramatic long hiatus and bursts of action. I also love matching stories to their chronology, as I mentioned with LOTR, which would be very suited to this same format. I've read dracula before, this definitely enhanced my enjoyment. In my memory theres a real drop after the Jonathan Harker diary, but this format a) acknowledged that by having the long hiatus and b) overcomes that and makes the latter part of the story feel much more significant.

52) Arthur King of the Middle March

The third part of the trilogy. This one focuses on the disastrous Fourth Crusade, where half the people who had RSVPd didnt show up, leaving the ones who did with an enormous bill for more ships than they could use, which Venice agreed they could pay off by attacking Venices enemies... who were other Christians. This allows the conceit of contrasting the real world chivalry knights with the idealised Arthurian round table to come to a head, fantastically showing the moral decay and sense of stagnation as they occupy and loot their ostensible brothers in christendom. The book came out in 2003, but has incredibly on point vibes of the Iraq war as a whole... although I suppose the issue here is that the crusaders never even reached the middle east.

#52 in 52 #mine #books #2022 #dracula daily

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sinister-isles · 4 years

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youtube

Zachary Davis speaks to Dr. Phil about bludgeoning his mum to death with a sledgehammer when he was 15. He went on to set the family home on fire in a bid to destroy the evidence, and kill his brother - who he claimed sexually assaulted him. Find out more at sinisterisles.com

#zachary davis #dr. phil #murder #sledgehammer killer #sinisterisles #true crime #true crime fans #true crime community #true crime geeks #true crime and chill #scary #schizophrenic disorder #schizospeaking #psychopath #devil #possessed #evil laugh

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amazinganxietyisnotonfire-blog · 7 years

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trapped behind those pretty blue eyes

CHAPTER TWO

<< chapter one | chapter three >>

AO3 LINK

Summary: Dan recalls Phil’s spiral down into a psychotic fit. I tried to make this as brutally honest as possible but there’ll be more fluff in later chapters.

Quote: I feel like such an imposter. I've felt like that so many times since I started youtube but now it's worse than ever. Now not only am I pretending to be funny, smart and interesting enough to deserve the attention of six million subscribers but I'm also caught not being adult enough or responsible or I don't know, something enough to be able to take care of Phil during the one time he couldn't take care of himself.

Genre: heavy angst

Word count: 2069

Triggers: mental illness, schizophrenia (implied), near death, suicide attempt (kind of, not really), kissing, vomit, termites, hallucinations

Hello Internet,

I haven't posted any real danisnotonfire videos over the past two weeks but I think that's fair, considering. Phil comes home tomorrow. This is the first time I've really tried to form any cohesive thoughts but I do have a bunch of little clips that I filmed in minute or two spurts while everything was happening. I guess I'll string those together rather than have to reiterate everything I said. I know it's unprofessional but I've spent so much time trying to be mature and in control recently that I don't want to make a neat video, okay?

- - - wednesday Hello Internet

I tried to visit Phil today but he was in too much of a drugged up stupor for me to really talk to him. His left wrist was bandaged where they say he bit at his wrist hard enough to make it bleed, muttering something about letting them out. They sedated him and wrapped up his wrist. It hurt to see that even here he could get hurt. What was even more disturbing was remembering how afraid Phil is of blood. I can't imagine what horrors exist in his mind that made biting his damn wrist open seem like his only option.

They're starting him on clozapine. It's an atypical antipsychotic, which got explained to me really slowly. I could feel the doctor trying to think about how she could break it down for the 6'3 man-child dressed in black skinny jeans with tear rimmed eyes standing in front of her. I could tell she thought I was hysterical, which was slightly true, but I still wanted to try to understand everything. Since now I'm in charge of Phil's destiny or whatever I had to sign off that they could basically give him any medicine they thought he needed.

I feel like such an imposter. I've felt like that so many times since I started youtube but now it's worse than ever. Now not only am I pretending to be funny, smart and interesting enough to deserve the attention of six million subscribers but I'm also caught not being adult enough or responsible or I don't know, something enough to be able to take care of Phil during the one time he couldn't take care of himself. This is nothing like his overdramatic colds where I just have to make him tea. I don't have anything to compare this to. The doctor and my mirror can see right through me, I'm just hoping the sedatives blur Phil's mind enough to think that I'm worthy of being in charge of his care.

PJ came over and cleaned the kitchen for me then made me eat some soup. He just left. I think I'm going to try not to dream about the way that the white bandage on his wrist was ever so slightly tinted pink even through all the cloth.

- - - thursday Hello Internet,

When I went into the hospital Phil freaked out. I'd never seen the blue in his eyes look as stony as it did there, with his face contorted into the type of rage that I never dreamed of associating with Phil. I don't know why he was so angry at me, or what he saw me as. I don't understand any of this but he screamed at me to fucking go back to hell. I can count the amount of times I've heard Phil say fuck on two hands and one of them was during a tongue twister that kind of tricks you into saying it and at least six of the others were bedroom related.

It's kind of a joke, me trying to get Phil to swear. I guess I win. He's swearing. I just never imagined Phil could be like this. After a while of him shouting they made me leave. I don't know if I wanted to stay or not. I wanted to be there for Phil, yes of course, but seeing him so angry with me for something that I can't even begin to understand made me nauseous.

I've been on tumblr all evening, trying to distract myself. First I read over all the information packets on psychotic episodes that they gave me but then I just wanted to not think. It didn't really work but I didn't have another choice. Anyways I'm going to try to sleep.

- - - friday I'm drunk.

Oh yeah, Hello Internet,

I'm drunk.

We had some tequila and I needed it to be able to think about today.

I thought I was nauseous yesterday but that was nothing compared to today.

Phil hid behind his bed when I came into his dorm there. I tried to say hi and he just–

He yelped and shook and begged me not to touch him. I ran out of the room. I couldn't stay there. I know that this is so much worse for him than it is for me but that doesn't help me keep any food down. Watching someone that you love as much as I love Phil in this much pain, and to think that you're causing it is indescribable.

I want to say that I'm going back purely for Phil but I don't know, I just don't know. I was always the selfish one, wasn't I?

- - - saturday Hello Internet,

I went to visit Phil today, obviously. He seemed to recognize me at first and dragged me into his room. I was so excited that he was excited to see me, as selfish as that is, so I just let him prattle on about how the doctors here are trying to poison him. I couldn't even argue with him because I didn't want him to be mad at me. We talked for the entire hour I was allowed to be there. Well, more like he talked and I tried to resist jumping over the table and trying to hold him until the world fixes itself.

I just want to hold onto him, but I know that he's too skittish and scared and I tried to touch his forearm and he jumped so hugging is out of the question. He used to love hugs, you should have seen him once the cameras stopped rolling, he's the sweetest, most huggable person there is. Or he was? I don't know. I don't want to admit that my Phil is gone but I can't find him either.

- - - sunday Hello Internet,

I wasn't allowed to visit him today so Louise dragged me out to see a movie. It was nice, but I can't help but feel guilty for enjoying something when Phil is stuck in that awful place with those awful misfirings in his amazing brain. I know this isn't fair, and by I know I mean Louise scolded me for half an hour about being too hard on myself but I don't know.

Anyways.

- - - monday Hello Internet,

The clozapine worked! Sort of.

When I went to see Phil he was coherent. He told me he loved me. He then tried to stand up, to hug me no less, and passed out. Apparently, the medicine can make you extremely dizzy. Normally they would keep him on this anyways, at least until they could switch him to something else, but once he hit the ground he started convulsing and they realized that he was having a really dangerous reaction. Instead of fixing his brain it started causing seizures, so they had to take him off.

It hurts so much knowing that he had a moment of clarity and I'm the one signing the damn paper telling them that, no, I want them to hurl him back into that terrifying place he tried so hard to escape from. The doctors told me that it was the right thing to do, but still. I'm sending him back into that terrifying place.

- - - friday They switched to risperidone on tuesday and I've been allowed to stay for longer visits, so I haven't been making these little updates every day. I feel like I'm flying. He's not perfect, to be completely honest he looks empty, but empty is better than afraid. Right? He's telling the doctors that he feels safe and I know he's not back yet, but his wrist is only a scar now and he's not shaking with fear. He's okay, or he's becoming okay. I don't know, but he doesn't look so scared and he recognizes me. He's a little cold, but the doctors say if he stays stable we can add some antidepressants.

I'm still worried about him but I want him stable and if they say that this is stable then it's good enough for me. And he can come home tomorrow!

- - - monday Phil's asleep. There's something wrong with him. He hardly talks. He's functioning so well, so the doctors are telling me that nothing is wrong and I don't want to argue. He just looks like someone's lobotomized him. It's eery, but none of the doctors will listen to me saying that something's wrong because he's doing all the things that he needs to do, checking off all the little boxes on their charts, but something is very wrong.

- - - wednesday Phil's in the hospital again. He tried to slit his fucking wrists. He's physically fine now, I found him before he got too far so he's back in the psychiatric hospital. Apparently, the voices are still there. I'm so angry that no one listened to me and now he has six stitches in his arm. Now the doctor explained to me that the vacant looks were probably from the "mask face" side effects from risperidone and that picking up on that could have clued us in on Phil's reaction.

He kept talking but that was where I stopped listening.

Clued us in.

I knew and he wouldn't listen to me. I should have fought, Phil deserves someone to fight for him.

- - - thursday Now he's on a mix of seroquel for the disease that they're now comfortable calling schizophrenia, (I didn't even have time to be upset about that scary diagnosis when everything was already so scary), and prozac for depression and anxiety. I protested that before this Phil wasn't depressed but a nice nurse explained to me that antidepressants are often used as a stepping stone for schizophrenic patients and once they stabilize and start to recover some of them can be taken off of everything but the antipsychotics.

I don't understand how the old nurse, Leah, can be so sweet and optimistic. It seems like being around sick, terrified people and their upset, terrified families would suck the life out of you but she's been amazing since Phil first came in. I couldn't imagine ever wanting to stay in this place. I still pray, not even to god but just to the universe I guess, that this was all a bad dream and that Phil would just kiss me awake or trip in the kitchen so I could come catch him stealing my goddamn cereal.

But until then we have to learn how to survive because there's no other option. That was what Leah told me when I'd started sobbing while asking her why she came back and I guess it's true. Whenever something horrible happens you just learn to live with the unimaginable. That's what I'm trying to do here.

- - - monday Today is the first day I've visited Phil since thursday. Friday they said he was still adjusting to the withdrawals and that it would be better for me to leave but then on saturday I came in and he was in group! I never thought I would be this proud of Phil for sitting in a room playing an empathy game with ten other hospital patients but I'm so proud. Usually, he would panic part way through or just refuse to go.

Today when I visited him he seemed the most normal that I'd seen him for months. He was still anxious but he complained about the food and asked about his houseplants. I caught him watching something behind me intently but he didn't freak out about it.

Leah told me later, after the doctor gave me a bullshit answer, that he might still experience these hallucinations for a little while but him learning that they weren't real and not reacting to them was incredibly important. She explained to me that recovering was going to be more than just medication and gave me a few more links to read up on.

- - - tuesday Phil is coming home tomorrow! This time, even if he still has symptoms, he seems like himself. It's hard, for me at least guys, not to be cynical but this time feels different. I'm obviously nervous but I'm so excited to be able to interact with him without nurses doing their safety checks every ten minutes. I've definitely learned that hospitals are helpful but I can't imagine anyone goes back to feeling completely normal there.

I haven't felt at peace for months now and I still don't, at all really. I don't actually have a great way to end that sentence. I normally edit out those types of lines or reshoot but I haven't been editing these so I guess I'll just say, I'm not at peace but at least he's coming home.

Thank you so much for reading! This narrative is really close to my heart and based off of real experiences and I think it’s important to show mental illness without romanticizing it too much. That’s what I really tried to do here.

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balillee · 4 years

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weird parts of smp lore that people tend to forget (some i've mentioned before)

- Quackity gave birth to El Rapids

- Techno is (perhaps) canonically schizophrenic (thank you everyone who told me that stating this more as a fact has delicate yet disastrous and potentially stigmatising repercussions)

- Wilbur both cannot resist fucking fish, but then immediately eating them

- Wilbur canonically chainsmoked during his time in Pogtopia

- Schlatt can't swim

- Despite his threatening prescence, Dream and Mamacita think to 'Trance Music for Racing Game'

- Continuing that sentiment, when Mexican Dream thinks, 'La Chona' plays

- Karl, Quackity and Sapnap are in a polyamorous relationship, and BadBoyHalo is Sapnap's dad

- Eret might have cataracts

- Wilbur doesn't shower nor does he wash his clothes

- Phil casually started reading up on necromancy and told nobody about it, not even Techno

- Tubbo was a President, a secretary of state, a lawyer, a career criminal, a beekeeper, architect, witchdoctor, necromancer, librarian of an ancient archive, a priest and arsonist.

- Tommy pulled his right shoe out of the void when he changed his skin back after making it to Techno's

- Tommy can canonically sew, and other than Niki, might be the server's only trained tailor, meaning he likely sewed all of the revolutionary's suits, Wilbur's angsty coat, Phil and Techno's matching blue costumes, Tubbo's Presidential suit, sewed his own clothes back together when he was living under Techno's house, and probably sews his own open wounds shut knowing the absolute gall of this idiot child

- Fundy's whole arc is just daddy issues

- If Wilbur and Tommy are canon brothers, then Tommy is Fundy's uncle

- Tubbo just vibed in a box until Phil picked him up, and as soon as Wilbur died started hating Tubbo for no reason whatsoever

- Jack Manifold is an immortal deity who persists out of spite, but channels that energy into being Dr. Evil from Austin Powers

- Schlatt was jacking off in the void n e x t t o s o m e o n e e l s e

- Ranboo's first impression of Schlatt after hearing about how evil he was the fact that he was just jackin off in the void, same with Phil

- The power of DMCA is canon in SMP lore ever since HBomb gave Tommy Pigstep, and now skype and nokia phones are canon

- Quackity was being all serious and reflective after Doomsday whilst riding a horse called Boner

#dsmp #dream smp #dream team smp #dream smp lore #dream smp canon #dsmp lore #dsmp canon #dsmp theory #dsmp meme #dsmp memes #dream smp theory #dream smp memes #dream smp meme

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natromanxoff · 4 years

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How prog were Queen?

By Dave Everley

On 9 January, 1971, Kevin Ayers and Genesis played a show together at the Ewell Technical College near Epsom in Surrey. Ayers was 18 months out of Soft Machine, and making a name for himself as a psychedelically-inclined art-folk rake. Genesis had released their second album, Trespass, a few months earlier, and were carving out a place in the vanguard of the burgeoning progressive rock movement.

There was a third band propping up the bill that night, a bunch of transplanted Londoners calling themselves Queen. In contrast to the wilfully artful approach of the headliners, their music was more straightforward: a heavy, if ornate blend of Led Zeppelin’s earthiness and the flights of fancy of Yes.

Not everyone in the small crowd watching them was impressed, but they caught the attention of one person. After the show, Genesis frontman Peter Gabriel pulled Queen’s blond-bombshell drummer Roger Taylor to one side. Gabriel’s band were about to dismiss their own drummer, John Mayhew, and were looking for a replacement. Was Taylor interested in joining Genesis? The reply was instant: thanks but no thanks. Taylor was utterly dedicated to Queen – there were gigs to play, places to go, and many musical adventures to embark on.

Had Taylor accepted the offer, the course of music – and specifically prog – would have been very different. Genesis would have flourished with Gabriel upfront, though whether they would have survived and prospered as they did without a Phil Collins to step into the breach after their talismanic singer’s departure was another matter.

The knock-on effect on Queen would have been greater. Taylor was an essential part of their carefully balanced four-way chemistry; a chemistry that would go on to throw up some of the most ambitious and game-changing music ever recorded. While Queen weren’t a capital ‘P’ prog band, they were infused with the spirit of the movement, combining its forward-looking values with its absolute disregard for the existing rules. Taking their cues from the likes of Yes, Genesis, Van der Graaf Generator and even Pink Floyd, their flamboyantly cavalier approach would go on to inspire such modern masters as Dream Theater, Queensrÿche and Muse. And, in Bohemian Rhapsody, they ensured that one of the biggest-selling singles in history was, at heart, a prog song. Forget the luxuriant moustaches and sawn-off mike-stands that would come to define them: if the prog ethos meant avoiding the expected, then Queen were definitely a prog band.

“Diversity was probably their greatest asset,” says former Dream Theater drummer and confirmed Queen devotee Mike Portnoy. “From song to song, they could be so different. You could have something that was folk followed by something that was rockabilly followed by something that was metal. And that’s one of the biggest things about prog, having that open-mindedness.”

Queen’s schooling in prog came early on. Brian May’s very first band, 1984, played a 4am slot supporting Pink Floyd at the Christmas On Earth Continued all-nighter in 1967. A year later, his next outfit, Smile – also featuring Roger Taylor – played with Floyd again, this time at London’s Imperial College. By the time of their gig opening for Kevin Ayers, Smile had changed their name to Queen and recruited Freddie Mercury. Collectively, they admired Yes, Van der Graaf Generator and especially Genesis. “Foxtrot is a prog rock classic,” Roger Taylor later wrote in the sleevenotes to Genesis box set 1970-1975. “Arrangements were highly complex in these early days, setting a benchmark for the style of the times.”

When it came to finding someone to produce their debut album, Queen’s first choice was John Anthony, who had worked with both Genesis and Van der Graaf. With Anthony and co-producer Roy Thomas Baker behind the desk, the eponymous album trod heavily in Led Zeppelin’s footsteps. But there was another, altogether more visionary band straining to spread their wings: My Fairy King was a filigreed slice of flamboyant rock’n’roll, while Liar metamorphosised through several different time changes and timings.

Those wings were fully unfurled on the follow-up, 1974’s Queen II. The title was the most prosaic thing about the record: the music inside was as fevered and baroque as rock gets, informed equally by Zeppelin, Yes and crazed Victorian artist Richard Dadd, whose 1864 painting The Fairy Feller’s Master-Stroke inspired one of the album’s most prog-leaning tracks. It may have been rooted in the heavy rock of the times, but its cavalier approach and sheer sense of scale pegged Queen as a defiantly progressive proposition.

“Queen weren’t like Yes, who had a dualistic role of guitar and keyboards, where both shared the terrain,” says Yes guitarist Steve Howe, supported by Queen at Kingston Poly in early 1971. “Brian had the terrain to himself. The remarkable thing was that he was the front and the back man. It required him to come up with more than guitar solos… He had to come up with a semi-thematic approach to play the guitar. And what he did was keep colouring.”

Queen’s prog inclinations would be deeply woven into the fabric of their early albums, from the audacious multi-part theatrics of Queen II’s March Of The Black Queen to the schizophrenic attack of the two-part Lap Of The Gods from 1974’s Sheer Heart Attack. Even in their more commercial moments, they marched to the beat of their own drum. What other band would have dared serve up something so unusual as Killer Queen?

“It was their diversity,” says Mike Portnoy, who first heard Queen as an eight-year-old in the mid-70s and covered many Queen songs while in Dream Theater. “Their albums took the prototype that The Beatles laid down with the White Album, where you had four different artists bringing in very different styles. Every song was so diverse. You get to A Night At The Opera, and you had this giant multi-layered epic like Bohemian Rhapsody next to something like Seaside Rendezvous or Love Of My Life.”

A Night At The Opera was Queen’s grand artistic statement and their most unashamedly prog album. Pitched around the epic twin tentpoles of The Prophet’s Song and Bohemian Rhapsody, it married their far-reaching vision to a distinctly British barminess. Taken on its own, the eight-minute The Prophets Song, with its incredible ornate a cappella middle section, would be enough to grant Queen access to the Prog Hall Of Fame. But even that sits in the inescapable shadow of Bohemian Rhapsody. Time and success might have lessened its impact, but that song remains the most dazzlingly unique piece of music ever to sell five million copies.

“There are epic things that come along every so often,” says Steve Howe. “There’s Sgt Pepper, there’s Bridge Over Troubled Water. And there’s Bohemian Rhapsody. I don’t know when I first heard it, but once it was there, it was such a formidable thing. You’re thinking: ‘How many tracks did they need to do those vocals? How did they write it? Who invented it? It really was astounding.”

Bohemian Rhapsody encapsulated one of the key things that gave Queen such a distinct identity. Like The Beatles and Beach Boys before them, they used the studio as an instrument – not least when it came to their vocals. And Bohemian Rhapsody raised the bar about as high as it could go.

“They sang each of those parts and triple-stacked them,” says Mike Portnoy. “You heard all three of their voices singing in all three vocal ranges. That’s what made the depth of their music so complex. It wasn’t the instrumentation, it was the vocals. That’s unusual for prog music. When I think of my favourite prog music, it’s always the musicianship that draws me. But with Queen, it was the vocals. It was so deep.”

For all its success, A Night At The Opera would be Queen’s grand kiss-off to their prog roots. Later albums streamlined their sound into a more conventional format. Much like Genesis, the 80s found them swapping experimentalism for chart rock.

It wasn’t until the end of their career as an active band that Queen would again sound so adventurous. During 1989 and 1990, the band began work on their penultimate album, Innuendo, in London and Montreux. In the summer of 1990, Yes guitarist Steve Howe paid a flying visit to the Swiss city, where a chance encounter with a former guitar tech found him being invited to Queen’s studio to hear the album as a work-in-progress.

“Inside, there’s Freddie, Brian and Roger all sitting together. They go: ‘Let’s play you the album,’” says Howe. “Of course, I’m hearing it for the first time: I Can’t Live Without You, I’m Going Slightly Mad. And they saved Innuendo itself until last. They played it and I was fucking blown away.”

If that was surprising, then what happened next was utterly out-of-the-blue. The members of Queen asked if Howe wanted to play on the title track. The Yes man politely suggested they’d lost their minds. It took the combined weight of Mercury, May and Taylor to persuade him.

“They all chimed in: ‘We want some crazy Spanish guitar flying around over the top. Improvise!’” recalls Howe. “I started noodling around on the guitar, and it was pretty tough. After a couple of hours, I thought: ‘I’ve bitten off more than I can chew here.’ I had to learn a bit of the structure, work out the chordal roots were, where you had to fall if you did a mad run in the distance; you have to know where you’re going. But it got towards evening, and we’d doodled and I’d noodled, and it turned out to be really good fun. We have this beautiful dinner, we go back to the studio and have a listen. And they go: ‘That’s great. That’s what we wanted.”

Released as a single in January 1991, Innuendo gave Queen their third Number One single. Like Bohemian Rhapsody 25 years before it, it was as unlikely as hit singles get: a six-and-a-half minute musical jigsaw, complete with flamenco runs, classically-inclined orchestral overloads and maverick 5/4 timing. Queensrÿche covered the song on 2007’s Take Cover album, while you can hear its echo in Radiohead’s Paranoid Android and Muse’s more elaborate sci-fi epics.

“In the world of rock, Queen stands out as a good example of the clash between guitar and piano in songwriting,” Muse’s Matt Bellamy has said. “I think that’s where you stumble across those more unusual arrangements and chord structures.”

Today, Queen have left a bi-polar legacy. They’re arguably best known for their pop hits – Radio Gaga, I Want To Break Free and of course, Bohemian Rhapsody, that ultimate prog Trojan Horse. But their spirit of adventure remains unmatched by all but the boldest of their peers.

“There was no rulebook for Queen,” says Mike Portnoy. “They broke most of the rules that existed, and then they wrote a new set.”

#queen #queen band #roger taylor #freddie mercury #brian may #john deacon

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eppysboys · 4 years

Text

PETE HAMILL: Walls and Bridges has an undertone of regret to it. Did you sit down consciously to make an album like that?

JOHN: No, well . . . Let's say this last year has been an extraordinary year for me personally. And I'm almost amazed that I could get anything out. But I enjoyed doing Walls and Bridges and it wasn't hard when I had the whole thing to go into the studio and do it. I'm surprised it wasn't just all bluuuugggghhhh. [pause] I had the most peculiar year. And . . . I'm just glad that something came out. It's describing the year, in a way, but it's not as sort of schizophrenic as the year really was. I think I got such a shock during that year that the impact hasn't come through. It isn't all on Walls and Bridges though. There's a hint of it there. It has to do with age and God knows what else. But only the surface has been touched on Walls and Bridges, you know?

PETE HAMILL: What was it about the year? Do you want to try talking about it?

JOHN: Well, you can't put your finger on it. It started, somehow, at the end of '73, goin' to do this Rock 'n' Roll album [with Phil Spector]. It had quite a lot to do with Yoko and I, whether I knew it or not, and then, suddenly, I was out on me own. Next thing I'd be waking up, drunk, in strange places or reading about meself in the paper, doin' extraordinary things, half of which I'd done and half of which I hadn't done. But you know the game anyway. And find meself sort of in a mad dream for a year. I'd been in many mad dreams, but this . . . It was pretty wild. And then I tried to recover from that. And [long pause] meanwhile life was going on, the Beatles settlement was going on, other things, life was still going on and it wouldn't let you sit with your hangover, in whatever form that took. It was like something - probably meself - kept hitting me while I was trying to do something. I was still trying to do something. I was still trying to carry on a normal life and the whip never let up - for eight months. So . . . that's what was going on. Incidents: You can put it down to which night with which bottle or which night in which town. It was just sort of a mad year like that . . . And it was just probably fear, and being out on me own, and gettin' old, and are ye gonna make it in the charts? Are ye not gonna make it? All that crap, y'know. All the garbage that y'really know is not the be-all and end-all of your life, but if other things are goin' funny, that's gonna hit you. If you're gonna feel sorry for yourself, you're gonna feel sorry for everything. What it's really to do with is probably the same thing that it's always been to do with all your life: whatever your own personal problems really are, you know? So it was a year that manifested itself [switches to deep actor's voice] in most peculiar fashion. But I'm through it and it's '75 now and I feel better and I'm sittin' here and not lyin' in some weird place with a hangover.

PETE HAMILL: Why do you feel better?

JOHN: Because I feel like I've been on Sinbad's voyage, you know, and I've battled all those monsters and I've got back. [long pause] Weird.

Pete Hamill interview with John Lennon, Rolling Stone Magazine, June 5th 1975

#hmm #John Lennon #John #Rolling Stone Magazine #Pete Hamill #Yoko Ono #The Ballad of John and Yoko #Walls and Bridges #quotes #queued

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mythrilhusk · 3 years

Text

Our World - Chapter One

Technoblade-centric; obligatory Greek Pantheon/The Office AU, No shipping, Not RPF

2.4k words, slightly funny (maybe?), AO3 Link,

Features ND/Schizophrenic!Technoblade - (Written by myself, an actually schizophrenic/neurodivergent person... Neurotypicals/Non-psychotics should not attempt this.)

CW: Intrusive thoughts/visions/urges, auditory hallucinations

Elysium's smallest company branch rests unobtrusively in the town Oneiros, buried in some backwoods county. Technoblade reads through the list of employees once more as his taxi weaves through a mountain pass. His equipment sits on the seat beside him, while the rest of his luggage bounces in the trunk.

Elysium's CFO, some guy named Eret, hired Techno on the spot when he came to the interview. Seemed kinda desperate, but eh, so was Technoblade.

H's not entirely sure why they would only hire one guy to do this job. Eh, work is work, and they sure pay well enough. They're providing an apartment, too. An actual roof over his head will be nice, for however long Techno can keep the job. He bets a week, tops.

The narrow road crests over the top of the mountain, revealing the town beneath sprawling in the valley. The Elysium office building juts out of the south side of the town, an ugly block of concrete and glass. Technoblade wrinkles his nose in disdain, silently agreeing with chat as they mock the displeasing aesthetics.

When his taxi pulls up into the parking lot, Technoblade piles his luggage and equipment on the sidewalk before paying the driver. He adds a tip, too, though he can barely afford even that much. The driver's pale cheeks stretch in a nervous smile as he clutches the money; he's too afraid to protest the miniscule tip. Techno doesn't make an effort to smile back, too busy ignoring visions featuring the bloody crunch of the man's neck between his thirsty teeth.

The taxi peels away, leaving Technoblade alone in the chilly mountain air. With ringing ears and a heavy huff, Techno gathers his stuff and heads into the building.

The receptionist plays on his phone, ignoring Technoblade even when he raps his knuckles atop the boy's shaggy brown hair. "Tubbo," He grunts, recalling the appearance from the employee list.

Tubbo starts, staring up at Techno with wary intensity, like a tiger cub encountering a wild boar for the first time. Techno smiles wryly at the boy, who must still be younger than eighteen. Chat clamors for blood, urging him with the weight of his knife, but Technoblade doesn't entertain them.

"Technoblade." Tubbo regains his composure and holds out a hand. "I'm so glad you're finally here, big man, we've been waiting."

"Why the rush?" Technoblade snorts, ignoring the proffered handshake. Physical contact irritates him.

Tubbo drops his hand. "We just really like documentaries about ourselves, yeah?"

"K." It's not his place to question a gig, although chat goes wild with suspicion. "Where am I staying?"

"Oh, right, you'll be staying with Philza. Heh, try not to piss him off. Or do, it'll be funny." Tubbo waves to the rest of the wide room. "Phil! Your roommate's here!"

"Fuck off, mate, I told you bastards, I don't want a fucking roommate." Techno recognizes the man who speaks as the dude in charge of customer relations: Philza. His golden hair glints with hints of fire, setting off his blue eyes, as merciless as the stars.

Chat froths, raging for blood, blood, blood, but Techno mentally bats them away. "K, welp, I was promised boardin' with this gig. I don't really care where; just get me a place to stay." Technoblade shrugs, baring his teeth in a smile that's just south of friendly.

Philza smiles too, showing off his fangs. Tubbo holds up his hands, saying, "Woah, woah, here. Phil, it's your turn. It's not gonna last long, anyway."

"Heh? Turn?" Technoblade chuffs, even as the cacophony that is chat hisses, technodead, technodead, lmao, RIP- Shut up, chat, we are not dead yet.

Philza's grin widens maliciously. "Oh, did Eret not tell you?"

"That dude told me the bare minimum, man, I dunno, I dunno what you expected."

"You're not the first film crew he's hired," Tubbo says with a faux apologetic shrug. Before Technoblade can protest the use of crew to describe one man, Tubbo continues with the barest hint of a smirk. "But the other ones died, just like you will."

Technodead, technodead, EEEEEE, RIP, RIP, F, EEE, lmaooo, F, rainbowchat- "Get outta here," Techno drawls, narrowing his eyes. Not for the first time, he wishes chat had a physical embodiment he could punt. "Technoblade never dies."

"We'll see," Philza muses, his eyes twinkling with the apathetic amusement of an ancient god toying with mortals. Hazing, that's all this is. Phil hands Technoblade a business card. "Don't be late."

Techno scans the card, appreciating the flaming torch insignia etched into the bronze-inked paper. Ares, god of war... Chat hisses the allusion, seeming in awe of this man who has taken a god's symbol. Techno flips it over to find the address, and then raises an eyebrow at Phil. "What time?"

Philza picks up a stack of papers from the massive copy-printer and strides back to his desk. "Before evenfall."

Welp, that's that interaction over with. Technoblade notes how all the other office workers are studiously ignoring him. He turns to Tubbo. "Where's the boss?"

Tubbo puffs out his cheeks and crosses his arms, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "Are you, are you going to complain to our manager, mister?"

"Yeah," Technoblade plays along. "I'm giving you a three star review."

"Oh, that's not bad."

"Out of ten."

Tubbo's visage darkens, and Techno gets an uneasy feeling like a hurricane is about to hit. The feeling passes, though, as Tubbo pouts. "I deserve more than that, man! Give me six stars, at least!"

"Tell ya what, if you show me where the regional manager's office is, I'll raise my review to seven stars."

"Done!" Tubbo cries, and points to an inconspicuous pair of doors on the other end of the room. "One leads to Manager Puffy, the other leads to Manager Schlatt. Choose wisely, good sir."

Techno hums approvingly, then draws out his pad of stickers from his coat pocket. Tubbo's eyes widen and he gasps, bouncing excitedly as Techno sticks a sparkly gold star to his forehead. "Good work, nerd."

Tubbo just stammers, plopping back into his chair with a blissful expression. Heh. Stickers work every time. Chat begs for stickers of their own, beg to be called nerds, beg for even a little taste of blood, but they don't deserve any rewards after being so bad all day.

Techno strides over to the managers' office doors. Each has a whiteboard on the front, with various scribbles over them. One has a fluffy sheep, and says in swirly script, //The captain is IN//. The other has various dicks doodled on it, and the only word written is, //Candice//. Chat breaks down in immature giggles. Technoblade opts for the former.

He knocks politely. A woman's voice replies, "Enter."

Opening the door, Technoblade scans the room. There's a full bookshelf covering one wall, and a low bureau across the opposite. A bay window sheds light across the manager's desk, tinted by the grey-green curtains.

A woman rises from her chair, her expression hidden by the sunlight behind her. Her waves of hair-- half brown and half silver-- sparkle with the dewdrop diamonds haphazardly woven in.

"District Manager Puffy?" Technoblade bobs his head to her.

"Call me Captain Puffy," Puffy replies, and her teeth glint in a wild smile as she tosses her head. "You're the new film crew Eret hired?"

"Uhh, apparently." Technoblade appreciates that she doesn't hold out her hand to greet him. "He never specified what kind of film he wanted, though, so-"

"Don't worry about that," Puffy tuts, "I'll give you instructions when you're settled in."

"K." Technoblade can respect this kind of person. Chat has been subdued and pouting for the past few minutes by his refusal to give them any sort of attention. He takes mercy on them and stares at the model ships on the bureau, letting them coo over the complexity and aesthetic.

"Uh, Mister Blade?" Puffy's voice intrudes on his appreciation of the ships.

"Just Techno is fine." Techno refuses to look away from the ships, since they're keeping chat happy for the moment.

"You'll be assigned a desk tomorrow, and you'll be given tasks around the office to, to acclimate and get to know your coworkers. Later, you can start filming random candid moments. We want a sort of documentary detailing our office lifestyle." Puffy hands a paper flyer to Techno.

Glancing through it, Techno frowns. "What exactly does Elysium sell?"

"We need a better PR team, which is why we've hired you. Elysium strives for the betterment of lives and the strengthening of minds." Puffy completely fails to answer the question. Chat calls her a sussy baahka, and Techno shoots a pointed glare at the bookshelves. He's definitely not giving chat any stickers tonight.

Puffy seems ready to dismiss him, so Techno bobs his head once more to her and opens the door. A strange noise, like the crashing of waves against a rocky shore, resonates through the air, halting him. Her eyes snap wide, glittering with something cold and unforgiving, yet somehow comforting and protective. "Pray to your god for mercy and it shall be given."

Technoblade chuckles, smothering the fire lit behind his eyes. "I'm kinda an atheist, Brizo; if there are any gods out there, they'll be begging me for mercy." He realizes too late that his extensive knowledge of the ancient Greek religion has escaped his tongue. Chat screams with excitement as they put together the allusions to the referenced spirit, Brizo, patron of sailors and prophecy. What a bunch of nerds.

Captain Puffy stares at him, her smile twinkling: sun rays piercing through storm clouds. "Of course, Hades."

Technoblade smiles back at the retort-- he's always been partial to the god of wealth-- and he bobs his head in deference to her once more. Any fellow partaker of old stories easily gets put in his good book. Puffy bows back, and Technoblade takes that as his cue to leave. He closes the door behind him.

Spotting the break room, Techno makes his way towards it, weaving through the desks. He pulls out his last, wrinkly dollar and slips it into the vending machine, then selects one of the bags of cookies. Sitting down with it, he inspects the coworker who's followed him in. "Tommy, right?"

The youth-- the sole employee in HR-- scowls, his ocean-blue eyes narrowing with scorn. "Who the fuck do you think you are, Technoblade??"

"Heh?" The teen's aggressive tone sets him on edge: hands itching and teeth aching and eyes burning for blood, blood, blood- no. No more of that. "Tommy, I just, I just got here? What are you upset at me for?"

"I'm just askin', Techno. Who do you think you are?" Tommy juts his chin out challengingly. "There can only be one boss man here."

"You wanna be the boss?" Technoblade rips open the bag of cookies.

"Well, obviously."

"Best me in single combat and we'll see." Technoblade is only jesting, of course. Even if the kid agreed to the fight, it would be unfair.

"Yes! Meet me in the parking lot in thirty minutes, idiot, and I'll fuckin' wipe the pavement with your ugly face!!" Tommy whoops and skips out of the break room before Techno can explain he was only joking.

Great. He's going to be fired for challenging a coworker to a fight, now. This will officially become the shortest job he's ever held, beating his last record by three hours. Technoblade munches his cookies and refuses to listen to chat as they bully him for making such a mess of his last chance.

When he's finished his cookies, Technoblade goes down to the parking lot, figuring that if he's going to be fired, he'd better do it in style.

Tommy waits for him, the breeze whipping through his blond hair. "No weapons, no magic, just me an' you, Technoblade."

"K." Technoblade shrugs, not seeing any point to telling the teen that magic doesn't actually exist. It was probably a sort of ironic joke, anyway.

Tubbo stands on the sidewalk, cheering for Tommy. Another teen leans on the wall behind Tubbo, seeming paler than should really be healthy, with a mop of black hair covering their ears.

"En garde!" Tommy cries and leaps to punch Techno.

Swaying to avoid the blow, Techno jabs Tommy in the gut with his knuckles. The youth staggers back, face distorted in pain. Technoblade remains relaxed, raising his hands. "Feel free to back out any time."

"Fuck you!" Tommy roars and charges, fists flailing. The picture of waves recklessly dashing themselves against an implacable cliff comes to mind.

Technoblade deflects the first fist and takes the wrist of the followup, twisting his arm behind his back. Tommy shrieks in rage and attempts to rip his arm away. Techno releases him and steps forward. "Sorry, but you ain't winnin' this."

"I will fucking end you!" Tommy once more flies into the fray.

Technoblade decides to go slightly harder on him. He sends Tommy stumbling with a single smack to his shoulder. When Tommy tries to flail fists at him again, Techno trips the boy. Tommy's back slams into the pavement, air whoofing out of his lungs.

"Y-you fuckin'-" Tommy wheezes for air. "I will not lose to you-"

"Looks like it's too late for that," Technoblade chuffs, watching the boy as he struggles to his feet.

Tommy sneers at him. "I, I'm feeling fuckin' merciful today. I won't kill you this time."

"I suppose I can return the favor." Technoblade smirks. He turns his back on Tommy to rub in how little of a threat the teen is. Not that Tommy will understand the gesture, but it boosts Techno's ego and makes chat jeer.

Tubbo and the other youth, a sales rep by the name of Ranboo, stride over. "That was sick!" Ranboo cries, eyes aflame with hero-worship as he stares at Technoblade.

Tubbo smiles implacably as he pulls Tommy to his feet. "Win next time, big guy. I lost five dollars to Ranboo on that."

"Fuck you, Ranboo," Tommy snarls, clinging to Tubbo's arm even as he's standing. "Bet on me, next time!"

"But you lost! I think that's pretty funny." Ranboo glances back up at the windows of the office. Several pairs of eyes seem to be peering down. Great. An audience to Technoblade's last few moments of employment.

Tommy grumbles as he storms to the doors, "I'll fucking beat you next time, Techno, see if I don't!"

The phrasing seems odd, in that it implies Technoblade isn't about to be fired for beating up his teenage coworker.

#long post #technoblade #dream smp #ao3 link #dream smp au #not rpf #2.4k words #fanfiction

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